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angelselene · 4 months
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I just had several Wreckage related thoughts (PTSD tw):
Ed and Roy are casually invited to a neighborhood BBQ, early in their time in the CM world, and they figure it's another phrase for a block party or something.
So, they get there a little early,.and then the dogs and burgers are put on.
Roy pales and his eyes unfocus and he starts to tremble. But he can't move. And he can't see the grill.
And their new neighbors turn to greet them, and *they* freeze, and Ed's like "i'm so sorry we have to go" and Ed drags Roy back to their place.
There are a handful of ways they can go from there, but I'm thinking Ed sticks Roy in the shower, because rain wasn't in Ishval, and even if it was, he's useless in the rain so he couldn't have been... working.
They so not go to bbqs after that.
Relatedly, Roy can't tolerate even the smell of meat for weeks afterwards, and they have to stay indoors for days.
But that's not to mention the fireworks that come that night, after the BBQ.
They... don't do well for quite some time.
(They at least know to expect fireworks on New Year's)
Ooooh, Ed and Roy taking a few days off on either side of July 4th to avoid going outside.
(And then fucking LABOR DAY why are they barbecuing today?!)
(Memorial Day is an issue too, but they miraculously miss it that first year)
Hmmm... I bet Roy can't eat most (maybe any) red meat...
Anywho. Had that thought and needed to share. C:
Okay, I have had this stuck in my inbox for like, almost six months at this point. Not because I didn't like the idea (I love the idea) but because I wanted to write it and surprise people and...
...I have tried. I tried to write it just as a one-off, to celebrate milestones on the series (1,000 public bookmarks, 5,000 kudos, both of which are amazing achievements I'd be happy to celebrate with), tried to write it for 10/3... and it's just... it won't come. I don't know if it's something about this particular emotional beat that I don't feel like I can write (I don't think it's that, because I've written similar to it), or if it's just that I marked the series as Complete and in my brain, the part of it that thought about the Wreckage-verse is just closed, but I've got like... 600 words of them buying their house, and nothing else.
And it is not a good 600 words. It is not a 600 words you'd want to be part of the Wreckage series. Usually, it's a sign I'd take to scrap it and start over, but after a still very recent irl upset, I just don't have the heart to push through and make myself write it. Writing anything right now is hard, and something I just couldn't make work before that upset is, unfortunately, not on the table right now. Sorry, Ryan, I really, really tried.
What I have been considering, if anyone is interested, is posting some of the original runs I did at an FMA/Criminal Minds crossover. I probably mentioned it in comment replies or maybe even in an author's note somewhere, but what became Wreckage is actually my third attempt at a FMA/CM crossover. One of them, I didn't get more than maybe a couple thousand words (I know, I know, only a couple thousand), but one, I got... quite a bit more done, and it's a pretty different angle because it has the BAU ending up in Amestris instead of the other way around.
That version required a lot more plotting, and when I realized that, I scrapped it (you all think I'm kidding when I tell you I hate writing plot), and moved on to a version where Ed and Roy ended up in CM 'verse instead. I have like... 16k of that. It's not all complete scenes, but if people would like, I can post what I have of it.
So... let me know.
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goldeneyedkim · 4 months
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The Not-Wreckage-Wreckage Fic
If you remember this poll:
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The results are in! A small sample size, but the results were pretty overwhelming, even with the caveat that that fic is abandoned and I will not be finishing it.
So--the first chapter is up! There will be 3. All three will be posted to my AngelSelene_Archived account, which is an account I specifically made some time ago to dump my abandoned Gundam Wing longfic from FFN on where I didn't have to see it, but it was archived. I figured that was a good place to put this fic as well. Once all three chapters are up, I will add it to the Wreckage series, but it will stay under the archived account (that is a neat feature I learned recently, that I can have multiple authors on a series while still having individual authors on a fic).
Anyway--Since this fic never actually had a title of its own (my file is just "FMA-CM Crossover Draft"), I'm calling it A Story Before Wreckage, and the first chapter is up!
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angelselene · 4 months
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There's no way Ed and Al *haven't* figured out flame alchemy by the time canon comes around.
When do you think they figured it out? (I mean, when did they have time to indulge in that curiosity) And if it came to light that they could do it, what do you think that scenario would be?
One thing Ed has never told Roy is that he figured out flame alchemy. He'd tried to figure it out when Teacher left them on that fucking island--it could have been a literal life-saver compared to figuring out how to start a fire on their own--but even though he'd still been a genius at that age, his knowledge base hadn't been broad enough for him to figure it out. After the island, though, he made a point to figure at least some of it out.
Gas has never been Ed's area of expertise, and he--at the time--assumed there had to be an alchemical ignition source. It was the one piece he could never figure out, and he felt so stupid when he first saw Roy use his gloves. Ed was good enough to manipulate a fire that's already going, but before joining the military, there weren't exactly a lot of opportunities or reasons to use that skill.
Not that Ed would have exactly described it as a "skill." Fucking temperamental gases.
The first time he got a good look at the array on Roy's gloves, everything came together in the way it always seems to for Ed.
"Oh, that makes so much fucking sense. Why the fuck didn't I think of that?" he blurts, grabbing Roy's hand and yanking it toward him."The gloves as an ignition source is kind of brilliant, really..."
The array is a skeletal base, not really meant to be read or understood by anyone except the person who designed it--part of why it can be worn so openly--and even understanding it doesn't mean you can actually use it. But Ed is Ed, and he definitely can.
When Roy yanks his hand away, he looks at Ed with confusion that slowly bleeds over to horror.
At the time, Ed didn't understand why Roy was afraid. He hadn't understood that while he considered fire alchemy to be "tricky" and "finicky" and "damned annoying because gas," that the secret of it, the skill of it, was a terrifying power. That it was a mystery. That the reason Roy was where he was by his age was because of his seemingly singular ability with it.
It won't be till years later that he'll understand why Roy looked so sick when Ed casually offered an improvement to make the array more efficient. It wasn't like Roy hadn't done all the hard work, Ed is just the better array craftsman, and...
Well, Roy does tell him that geniuses really do forget sometimes that not everyone is as smart as they are. Most of the time, Ed is aware of that, but sometimes, with someone as smart as Roy, he forgets there's another gap there, another level. He's too used to having Al around who can usually keep up with him at minimum.
But Ed can tell Roy that he's a genius, not just for figuring it out, but for his control of it. Alchemists tend to avoid specializing in gas for good reason, and Roy's brilliance isn't just with the making of the array, but of his control with it. Ed just... refined it a little.
It takes years for Roy to admit that Ed's suggestion did make it more efficient.
For just this once, Ed manages not to gloat.
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angelselene · 5 months
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WIP Whenever
Since @noirangetrois tagged me, I'll share a GW one.
WIP - D00.o (Streamer 'verse Isekai)
Head aching before he opens his eyes, Duo just knows waking up is going to suck. Since the last thing he remembers is being on a mission, he listens hard for several long minutes but hears nothing beyond the normal sounds of a house. Or maybe an apartment? Slowly, he opens his eyes, only to be confused when he realizes he’s on the floor in a… garage? It looks just like a normal, average, one-car garage. There’s tools on a pegboard, but Duo has to stare at them for four minutes before he realizes that they’re up there like a puzzle, and there’s no order to them beyond that. There are saw horses, a circular saw, safety glasses, even a mask, so clearly someone is building something in here, but Duo has no idea what.  The last thing he remembers is getting thrown into a wall… …And a shock. The house they’d been raiding should have been condemned years ago. It’s definitely possible that he could have gotten electrocuted on something. Duo looks down at his hands—then stares.  His nails are long and painted with some polish that looks like mother-of-pearl. What the fuck? Turning his hands over, he notices how very… pretty they are. The knuckles aren’t scarred and gnarled, covered in the aftermath of a hard life and working hard. When he checks his palms, they're actually… soft.  “This has gotta be a dream,” he mutters, getting to his feet before noticing the extremely pink leggings he’s wearing, and the boots. They almost look like workman’s boots, but workman’s boots don’t have a heel like this, and they don’t zip. And he has… boobs. It’s a reflex to grab them, and Duo heaves a sigh of relief when he realizes that they are definitely fake, though he’s now aware of the bra as well. Lace, judging by the scratchiness he can feel. Fuck. The sweatshirt is even cropped, so he’s definitely dressed like a girl. Why the fuck would someone do that and not only not go all the way with a skirt or dress but also just leave him in a garage? “Okay,” he says just to ground himself. It’s not the end of the world. Duo has crossdressed before, sometimes to hide, sometimes for fun—like Halloween two years ago when Dorothy bullied him into dressing up as a princess.  …Which drags his memory back to how Zechs had responded to seeing him decked out as Megara…  Actually, it was kind of a shame the dress didn’t survive the night, come to think of it. 
It's been a long day, and I'm damn tired. Too tried to bother tagging anyone else, but anyone, feel free to play too!
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angelselene · 5 months
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The End of Stars That Have People Names
So, when I finished Iron & Ichor, I only had one idea left that I wanted to write--a 5+1 things fic I started early in posting Stand as a reason to give myself a fluffy break from the angst of Stand. It was supposed to be 5 Firsts.
And I wrote one, putting it up here as a WIP, and then it... just got stuck.
I started and finished Iron & Ichor, and still, there was this little sidefic hanging on out there.
So finally, I got a bug under my skin, and decided to finish it. I couldn't keep the 5 happy firsts I originally planned, but I had also considered writing something showing what happened at the Jackson-Stryker Building and something showing what happened when Duo finally left Heero.
This finally allowed me to do so, and now it is finally all up.
Instead of a prequel, the Firsts fic spans pretty much the entire timeline of Stars That Have People Names, and I'm so pleased with it.
Thank you to all my readers who were with me along the way.
Five Firsts and a Reconnection (13007 words) by AngelSelene
Chapters: 6/6 Fandom: Gundam Wing Rating: Explicit Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy Characters: Duo Maxwell, Heero Yuy Additional Tags: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anal Sex, Rough Sex, First Time, Amnesia, Soul Bond Series: Part 8 of Stars that Have People Names
Summary:
Five first times between Duo and Heero, and a first time reconnecting.
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angelselene · 1 year
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Art that makes me want to write
So a little bit ago, a piece of art came across my dash, and I tagged it, “art that makes me want to write a fic for it.”
Anyway, it’s been a while since I wrote something RoyEd, but here we are.
Reminder, all my fics are currently locked so you have to log in.
             Just Once, Just This Night, Just a Lie       (5094 words)                by AngelSelene    
       Chapters: 1/1         Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga         Rating: Explicit         Warnings: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings           Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang           Characters: Edward Elric, Roy Mustang           Additional Tags: background Edwin, Pining, Idiots in Love, One Night Stands, First Time, Getting Together, POV Alternating      
Summary:
The Promised Day approaches, and Ed makes a proposal to Roy.
"Just once."
They should have known it would never be enough, but they can certainly try.
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angelselene · 5 months
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The amount of WIPs you have is amazing 😱 "25. Fighty Sasuke NaruSasu" made me laugh so I'm asking about that one!
"Amazing" is a word for it, but not the one I'd use. 😅I can't seem to finish a fic without starting one to replace it so the list just won't get shorter.
This is a fun one! It's one that feels like it could end up being a longfic, or like... at least sort of a 20k area one. I started writing it off just a little prompt a friend gave me, and I liked Sasuke being a little bit of a snarky bastard about something he agreed to, he's just unhappy about. Post-canon, Sasuke returns to Konoha but with conditions. I'm just trying to convince myself to build it out into more of a full fic than a snippet.
I think I've shared this snippet on the server, so if it seems familiar, that might be why. Lots of Frenemies to Lovers vibes here. 🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️
Sasuke's sharingan is sealed. If he has kids, it can still be passed on, but the price of him returning to the village was sealing his doujutsu. It's a new tattoo on the back of his nape that looks lopsided with the one still left by Orochimaru. Technically, it's only one of the conditions. The other is that someone else has to be in charge of his chakra. No one trusts Sasuke being in charge of his own power anymore, so someone they do trust needs to be in control of it. As if Naruto would tolerate anyone else ever being in control of Sasuke. He leans forward and takes a deep breath of Sasuke's hair, sliding his hands over pale shoulders. "You have to fuck me, dumbass. There's no reason to be a fucking girl about it." "I don't have to hurt you, asshole," Naruto retorts. "I'm doing this to help you. You don't have to act like such a prick about it." Sasuke glares over his shoulder. "Sure," he says coldly. "This is to help me. Not because you've always wanted to fuck me." The impulse to deny it is there, but, well, Sasuke's not wrong. "It's either me or you can have all of your chakra sealed," Naruto reminds. "Which is why I'm fucking here. Don't expect me to like it." Naruto is going to make him eat those words. He's going to make Sasuke beg for him.
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angelselene · 5 months
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Pleeeeese explain 50. Anti-Daddy!!
Oh no! 😂You would lock onto the one fic that's going to get me into trouble.
The Anti-Daddy fic is actually an anti-daddy kink fic. Not that I have any particular problem with daddy kink in general--not my kink but I know a lot of people love it, and it usually is just a meh for me--I just have a particular... distaste for it with a particular character I love.
*takes a breath and let's stop beating around the bush* I don't think Todoroki Shouto would have a daddy kink. I actually think he'd be more likely to have a trigger related to his father than a kink about it, and this fic is kind of me just venting the whole reason why into fic form. 😅 It's Shouto breaking up with a partner who neither respected nor understood his boundaries on this, finally dealing with some of that trauma (including the shock of having a Capital-T Trigger), and ending up in a happy little DekuBakuTodo threesome.
🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️Snippet
Shouto spun and glared. “You can’t just hold me here.” “And you can’t just run away without talking about this,” Hanta said, folding his arms, still only dressed in his jeans. “What the hell happened, Shou? You were fine one second—” “You said—” The word stuck in Shouto’s throat. Just thinking about it made him want to gag. He put his head down, let his hair shield his face, and made himself breathe through it. “You called yourself daddy,” he explained.  Just hearing himself say the word made him have to swallow back vomit. Thinking about his father in any kind of sexual setting was possibly the single greatest turn-off he could imagine. He could feel the sweat gathering on his brow again, could feel his throat tightening.  “That set you off?” Hanta asked. “I would’ve thought you’d be into it.” He laughed, and it sounded so mocking in Shouto’s ears. “You know what they say about people who have daddy issues.” Shouto was going to throw up on Hanta’s feet, and he was going to deserve it. But behind the disgust and the—panic, you’re panicking, some clinical part of himself pointed out helpfully—panic, anger was centering him again. Lifting his head, he glared at Hanta. “You seriously thought that bringing up my father—the man who abused me my whole childhood—during sex would be a turn-on?”
🖊️🖊️🖊️🖊️Snippet End
Def a fic I'm pretty sure is going to stomp on a lot of headcanons. 😅😅😅
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goldeneyedkim · 3 months
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Year End Stats
Kinda.
So, I'm a brat and want to know when notifs go out, so I'm subscribed to myself. Since Ao3's stats are... uh, not great for the yearly breakdown they supposedly have (if you post a longfic across multiple years, the stats are counted in full for both years), so I can't see how many words I wrote easily...
But I could go back through all my notification emails, add up all the words, and find out 1) how many words I posted* for each account in 2023 and 2) how many times I posted. AngelSelene_Archived is not counted in this.
Uh, disclaimer: it's a lot. Also it's "how many words I posted" and not "how many I wrote" both because I had 3 longfics I posted this year that I have had written in significant part before this year (Surviving the Fire, Wildness in His Bones, and Brutally combined had well over 100k pre-written before I started posting). Anyway, that means it's not a true "how much did I write in 2023" but it's... uh, still impressive.
Stats beneath the cut:
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So... GEO readers feasted this year (not a surprise since I finished Iron and Ichor). I may not have done Nano this year--my dayjob is retail adjacent, so November's always an iffy proposition anyway--but I did have 7 (SEVEN) months where I posted over 50k, and an eighth (Feb) where I just missed it.
Dramatic drop-off in Nov-Dec, which... look, IRL was not kind from Halloween on this year. Probably 20k of what was posted in those two months were pre-written.
What was the total word count? 611,305 words posted in 2023. AngelSelene got 208k, while GEO got a whopping 403k.
So... that's a lot.
And because that's a lot, I got curious about how often I posted.
Uh, spoiler alert: it's also a lot.
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In case anyone's curious, final tallies were 73 times for AS, and 118 times for GEO, for a grand total of 191 times.
Guys, statistically speaking, I posted every other day last year between the two accounts. I had no idea I had posted that much. I also have no idea why so many of my wonderful readers don't unsubscribe when they realize how much I post. 😂
The actual numbers if anyone's curious:
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I do not expect this year to be this nuts (not the least of which because I don't have over 100k of longfic drafts), but I'm def still recovering from the insanity of the end of the year, and it is absolutely impacting my desire to write.
To those who signed up to go through this insanity with me--thank you. Truly. 💛💛💛💛
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angelselene · 10 months
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Final Wreckage Installment
Hi all--two years after finishing Wreckage (has it already been that long??--Spoiler alert, it has), I have the final promised smutshot finally complete and up, just in time for 520 Day. If you never read my comment replies, the last thing I had planned for this verse was a smutshot where Ed and Roy roleplay a teacher/student scene with Ed in a skirt. If that’s not your jam or doesn’t fit your headcanon of who Roy and Ed are in Wreckage, please skip it--I promise, my feelings will not be hurt. I know this one isn’t for everyone.
Wreckage as a series is now marked as Complete and I do not plan to revisit it. I think it’s fitting that the final installment is some absolutely kinky sex they get up to--you have to feel bad for whoever had to go through their stuff. 🤣
Anyway, thank you all again for all the love and support for this series over its writing and posting. I know that for a lot of you, this isn’t going to be the way you want my final visit to this world to go, but please know you are welcome to play in my world if you’d like--just credit me and link me please! I’d love to see it.
Without further ado:
 Detention with Professor Mustang
Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang Characters: Roy Mustang, Edward Elric Additional Tags: Porn with Feelings, Crossdressing Kink, Sexual Roleplay, Crossdressing Edward Elric, Feminization, Coming Untouched, Teacher/Student Roleplay, If you think these two aren't kinky as fuck, This Fic is Not For You, Consensual Non-Consent, Established Relationship, 520 Day | Edward Elric/Roy Mustang Day, Stand Alone, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting Series: Part 9 of Wreckage Summary:
Before Roy officially becomes a teacher, Ed has a gift he wants to give him.
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angelselene · 9 months
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NaruSasu Prompt Fic
So the Where the Sun Meets the Moon had a lot of prompts, and I couldn’t do them all...
...or could I?
Sub-500-word promptfic with all 24 prompts. A little smutty so be warned.
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Sasuke is sure that his life is not what his mother or father would have dreamed of for him. He thinks they would have wanted him to have a housewife, someone pretty, but not pretty enough to start rumors, someone reliable and steady. They wouldn’t want surprises, but they wouldn’t care about wealth.
Shedding his own cape as he comes in, he grabs Naruto’s orange jacket, and hangs them both up, before following the sound of Naruto’s voice, singing quietly to himself, until he finds him laying out in front of the fireplace.
Naruto is naked, lazily stroking his cock, the fire dancing over his skin. He turns and grins at Sasuke, his eyes the brilliant blue of a summer day, glowing with amusement and banked arousal.
“Welcome home,” he says, his speech low, lazy, but warm. “Are you wearing it?” Resisting the urge to murder his lover, his partner, the other half of his soul, Sasuke shrugs out of his shirt, then strips down to his underwear, revealing the black lace cupping him.
Animal-like heat comes into Naruto’s eyes, and it always sends a thrill through Sasuke. When he was young, he thought he could live without Naruto’s eyes on him, but now he knows there’s nothing he would trade to be by Naruto’s side. Nothing he could be offered to keep him from being able to kneel down at Naruto’s side, to feel his hands—hot and callused—on him.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Naruto says, low, sincere. Once, Sasuke would have rejected such a compliment with bitter rage, but now he knows it’s only simple truth as Naruto sees it.
Turning on his side to face Sasuke as he lays down next to him, Naruto strokes a hand down Sasuke’s side, down his thigh, and back up to cup him between his legs.
“Have you just been waiting for me?” he asks as Naruto works Sasuke’s cock out of the front of the lace, scooting closer to take both their lengths in hand and stroke them. He stares into Sasuke’s eyes, drinking him in as he brings them both rapidly to the edge. Black overtakes blue as arousal colors his cheeks. Naruto thinks he’s ordinary, but Sasuke doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything as beautiful as Naruto.
Naruto kisses him, driving into his mouth, and swallows down his cry as they come like a fountain, painting their stomachs and chests with their come as if they are canvases.
“I’m always waiting for you,” Naruto says, answering the question Sasuke feels he asked so long ago.
Stroking Naruto’s face like it’s precious—because it is—he says, “And that’s why I’ll always come home.” He means it. Whatever his parents might have wanted for him, he has chosen Naruto, and it is a choice he likes to think he would stand by, no matter what challenges there may have been.
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The prompts:
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angelselene · 11 months
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Iron and Ichor - Delay
Okay, the chapter’s not coming tonight, I’m *hoping* it’s coming tomorrow, but it’s a really, really important one, and something’s wrong with it, so I’m not going to try and force it at 12:30 at night. I can’t tell if I’m just missing a scene I was hoping I didn’t need to write or if one of the scenes I have has to go, or if I need to scrap it all and start over.
So... fingers crossed I’ll still have it up sometime on Tuesday. This one’s just way too important to brute force my way through it. I need to sleep on this problem child.
Sorry for the delay, guys.
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angelselene · 9 months
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NaruSasu Day Prompts
Prompt from the Where The Sun Meets the Moon SNS server NS day event: Prompt # 3 Lace (yeah, shocker I jumped on this one, right?)
It was a stupid, silly thing--an evening with other of the Rookie 9 and Kiba happened to start waxing his best attempt at being poetic about lace lingerie--how it looked, how it felt under his hands. At least, he had until Neji noticed how bright red Hinata was blushing and smacked him upside the head to shut him up.
But not before he'd asked Naruto's opinion on it, and Naruto had stared at Sasuke intently over the rim of his sake cup and said, "I can only imagine. Maybe red against pale skin... I think I'd love to see that."
Sasuke didn't expect the thrill to run through him at the heat in Naruto's eyes, and he'd ignored it.
But he couldn't forget it.
I think I'd love to see that.
They weren't big on birthdays, but Naruto's came around and Sasuke wanted to do something for him, something... he'd like. And still that stupid memory lingered.  In fact, it wouldn't go away until he'd--very discretely--obtained a set.
Since wearing a bra wasn't something he'd ever done before, he thought it only prudent to try on the set before he decided he was going to go through with this... insanity. First, he put on the underwear, pointedly refusing to look at how it looked on him before he turned his attention to the bra. He'd gotten the smallest cup size he could, so hopefully it wouldn't gape too awkwardly. t took him a surprisingly--and annoyingly--long time to get the back to latch properly, and even when he did, the straps slid off his shoulders.
"Sasuke?" Naruto asked, his voice hushed, almost reverent. Sasuke cursed himself for having grown too accustomed to Naruto's chakra signatures, so much so that he hadn't even noticed him approaching. "Is this... for me?" he asked.
Since pretending he was interested in it for its own sake would have been even more embarrassing than doing it for Naruto, Sasuke said, "Who else, usuratonkachi?" He crossed his arms over his chest, though it was pointless, and refused to turn around.
He didn't actually need to, because he could feel Naruto's heat behind him as he stepped in close. With featherlight touches, Naruto eased the straps up on top of his shoulders, tightening them until they fit better, then placing soft, fluttering kisses  alongside the skin on either side of the strap. A hand  reached around Sasuke's waist, dropping down to cup him through the lace, and the rough, scratchiness of the material felt oddly good against such sensitive skin.
Without meaning to, Sasuke sighed, sinking back into Naruto, and Naruto's kisses moved to the top of his shoulder, then up his neck.
"You're so beautiful," Naruto murmured, low and full of heat into Sasuke's ear.
"Don't be stupi--" Sasuke started to say, pushing his face away, but it was halfhearted at best.
Naruto's other hand came up to tease a nipple through the lace, and Sasuke lost track of what he was going to say as the unexpected pleasure of being touched through the lace coursed through him.
"I'm not stupid," Naruto said, his voice growing deeper. "And I'm going to show you exactly how beautiful you are."
Turning to putty in Naruto's hands, Sasuke wasn't sure if that was a threat or a promise, but he looked forward to it either way.
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angelselene · 1 year
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Hi! Swinging through to say I love your GW work. I also am *living* for the Murder Husbands. So good. Wonderful concept, wonderful writing. Would the CM group be keeping a low-key eye on Venus and Mercury, tracking their cases and untangling Mercury's role and tucking everything in the We Told You So file for the inevitable day they lose the plot? Roll with me here because I love the mental image....do the pilots chat? I can't imagine they don't know if BAU starts watching them closely...maybe trowa likes to screw with the team to amuse himself when he's bored and Wufei sends shouty texts for his undignified compatriots to scrape together some dignity already. No one is brave enough to ask a second time what Quatre's doing when he only replies with a heart emoji.
I'm so glad you're enjoying so much! I've def had a lot of fun with it.
I'm sure Dave and Hotch are having Penelope keep an eye on them, but they're careful, and they're putting themselves in a lot of positions where it's just outright justifiable (and it's hard to prove that they're putting themselves into those positions on purpose).
I was kind of toying with the idea of having Duo and Heero showing up in other procedurals (I'm kind of a sucker for them--Law & Order: SVU, The Mentalist, NCIS--Fear No Evil was almost SVU, but I kind of hate writing plot so I chickened out 😂).
You know, I hadn't really considered the other pilots--if they know, how they feel about it. But I love them being all unhinged enough to know but also tacitly condone.
Trowa would 100% troll if he could get away with it. 😂
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angelselene · 1 year
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Todoroki Shouto Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Todoroki Shouto Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Aged-Up Character(s), Characters Are Pro Heroes (My Hero Academia), Implied Mpreg, Crossdressing, Fluff and Smut, Porn with Feelings, Long-Haired Todoroki Shouto, Bottom Todoroki Shouto Summary:
With Shouto stuck at home and out of the field due to his pregnancy, he sends Katsuki something to tease him.
It goes better than he'd hoped.
Inspired by this amazing art
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angelselene · 1 year
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Tony and Fer - Stand Without Flinching Behind the Scenes
So I went a lot of different paths in how Tony ended up learning about Duo and who he was and what he’d done in Stand, and one of them was just deciding to go see Jesus’s 2nd in Command, Fernando Garcia. He was a pretty major character in Ashes but never really friends with Duo, and never really trusted him, and he both survived the shoot-out and is stuck in jail, so easy to find.
I absolutely forgot that I wrote this much that I nixed, but this was still relatively early on when I had originally decided to lean away from the story that would become Ashes as much as possible (after all--who wants to read a long fic where I break up the fandom OTP and put them with OCs, one of which is an abusive mess, amirite?).
ANYWAY--I have over 50k of cut or scrapped scenes from the Stars That Have People Names ‘verse, and because I was asked so nicely, here’s a scrapped scene (Spoilers for pretty much the Stars That Have People Names ‘verse).
Tony & Fer
This was probably a terrible idea. Duo would probably happily murder him when he found out--and Tony had no doubt he would. But Tony needed to know more about Reyes, needed to know more about Duo's relationship with the man who was only a couple years Tony's junior and certainly old enough to be Duo's father himself. Duo had loved him, clearly mourned him, but he wouldn't talk about him, and something about the way that he would trail his fingers over the neck tattoo made Tony's skin crawl a little. 
So, since Duo wasn't forthcoming and Reyes himself was dead, Tony had to go to the next best source. That meant Fernando Garcia--Reyes's second-in-command. 
The lawyers had not been happy about Tony requesting this meeting, especially because he wouldn't tell them what it was about, but Tony was Tony, and he managed to bully his way into it.
Tony had waited over an hour and a half before Garcia was brought in, shackled to the table, then the two of them were left alone. 
"Mr. Stark," Garcia said, curious. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Mr. Garcia--"
Garcia waved a hand as far as he could. "Fernando, Mr. Stark."
Tony waited a beat, then said, "Fernando," conceding. He waited another beat before saying, "I want to know about Jesus Reyes."
Garcia scoffed and rolled his eyes, immediately bored. "Gua--"
"Yeah, I know, not terribly original. It's probably all anyone asks you about these days," Tony interrupted before Garcia could call out. He was a good-looking man, clearly tried to keep himself groomed despite the limited resources in a supermax, hair still thick and rich black, no creeping of gray despite being closer to fifty than forty. It was a little overlong, curling around his neck, but he was cleanshaven, showing a strong, fit jaw. He didn't look like you might expect a cartel don's right-hand to. No scars, no deep lines in his face from frowning. He looked... normal. It was depressing how often the monsters looked normal these days. "But I don't want to know about the drugs or the illegal activities--I'm interested in his relationship with his husband."
If Garcia could slouch in the bench seating, he would have. "Of course a man like you is interested in Jesus's whore," he groused.
Before Tony could get up in arms about the insult--and he was more than ready to--the door to the meeting area opened up, and Duo, Duo walked in.
All in black, hair pulled back in an unusually sleek braid, Duo filled the space as if he was a foot taller than he actually was. It was a neat trick that Tony hadn't seen him fully employ since the night he saw Duo put his foot on a mook's throat and mock them for failing to be tough enough to be a bad guy. He flicked a brief glance behind him as he was locked in with Tony and Garcia.
Garcia visibly cringed away from Duo and the sinister grin he sported.
"Hola, Fer," he greeted, rolling the r in Fer and all but purring the man's name out. Tony was a professional superhero, it was still one of the most threateningly innocent greetings he had ever heard.
"How are you even here?" Tony demanded, unwilling to let them dive into this conversation.
Duo's eyes, lidded and lazy and terrifying, shifted to Tony. "You should really avoid trying to go around me," he said, cheerful on the face of it, but with an undercurrent of steel. "If you wanted to know about Jesus that bad, you should have just asked me.”
"I have asked," Tony snapped, uncomfortable with this cheerfully threatening facade. "You wouldn't talk about it."
The smile faded, and Tony almost wanted it back. It might be terrifying, but the weighted, weighing silence was almost worse.
Duo sighed, and an oppressive chill Tony hadn't even noticed lifted as Duo somehow went back to being just a person, tucking his hands in his pockets. Tony didn't miss the audible sigh of relief from Garcia.
"I fucking hate it when you do that," Garcia complained, straightening up.
"Bitch, bitch, bitch," Duo singsonged, walking over to stand at the end of the table between both Garcia and Tony. "You know you miss me."
"Like a toothache," Garcia replied, but it wasn't nearly as biting as it should have been. "Was it really necessary to turn us all in when Jesus died?" he asked, sounding tired.
If Duo were at all surprised that Garcia knew he'd been the snitch, he didn't show it. "You're not actually surprised," he said instead of directly answering, a statement, not at all a question.
Garcia rubbed his eyes, then admitted, "No. The cartel was never yours. It was always Jesus's. You just... tolerated it while he was alive."
"Should you even be discussing this?" Tony asked. "What if he puts a hit out on you or something?"
Both Duo and Garcia snorted at that. At Tony's blatantly incredulous look, Garcia reluctantly elaborated. "Waste of money. While I probably know a few who are stupid enough to take the bait, he'd just kill them."
Tony looked appealingly for sense from his son, but Duo just shrugged. "What he said." Whatever the look on Tony's face, it made Duo roll his eyes and add, "You do remember me taking out whole teams of Hydra agents, right?"
"But they were trying to kidnap--not kill!"
"Maybe at first," Duo said, but he sounded like he didn't entirely believe it. "The second team were definitely in search-and-destroy mode."
"I wish I could be surprised by this," Garcia muttered. "You could test the patience of a saint."
"And you never knew me anywhere near my most obnoxious," Duo told him, grinning. This one, at least, was teasing. He shifted his attention back to Tony. "As fun as it might be catching up with Fer, I think it's time you to leave," he said.
"I am not the child here."
The raised eyebrow said Aren't you? loud and clear.
"I'm almost afraid to ask, but I'm curious--how do you know Tony Stark?" Garcia asked Duo. "Seems like he can afford better than you."
Duo narrowed his eyes, but Tony wasn't going to let that go twice. "That's the second time you've called Duo a whore."
Garcia looked confused for a moment before his eyes cleared. "I forget," he said, turning to Duo. "You just wiped away Gemelo and Jesus like they're nothing, I guess?"
Rather than answering directly, Duo pulled out his wallet, pulled a card out of it, then tossed it in front of Garcia. Garcia, bemused, picked it up.
"Duo Reyes-Maxwell?" he asked, startled. Tony was too. He didn't know that Duo had changed his name. When the hell had he done that? "Is this real?"
“I know a judge who owed me a favor," Duo said, flat and unimpressed. "I don't fucking care what you think about me. I never have, and I never will. I may have started sleeping with Jesus because it was an easy way to get close to him, but I married him because I love him. I will not listen to you or anyone else imply otherwise." He reached out, taking his ID back, and the threat in the words rang clear in the mostly empty room. 
Garcia glared, hard and angry. "If you loved him, why weren't you there?"
Duo's eyes softened and grief filled them, but not guilt. "Because I was where he told me to be. Because he didn't want me there."
"You sure showed up when it was convenient."
"I came as soon as I realized what he'd done. It was already too late."
"I'm supposed to believe that?" Garcia sneered. "Jesus didn't like letting you out of his sight."
Crossing his arms over his stomach, Duo met Garcia's eyes. "I know," he said, soft, sorrow pouring off him so dense Tony thought he'd choke on it.
Instead of getting angrier, Garcia paled. His eyes went from Duo's arms, up to Duo's eyes and back as if trying to make sense of it. Duo moved his head in only the barest nod, and Garcia looked him over again, face falling.
"It didn't...?"
Duo curled in on himself, just a little, but he shook his head. "No one... No. One wishes it worked more than I do."
Tony looked between the two men, knowing something important was going straight over his head.
Garcia put his elbows on the table and bowed his head into his hands. Neither said anything for several minutes, and Tony opened his mouth to say something, when Garcia said, "You could have taken his place."
It startled a humorless laugh from Duo, and he waited until Garcia looked up at him. "No," he said. "I'd have stayed at Jesus's side until the day he died, but I would never have taken over the Kings."
"We could have made you love us--"
But Duo was already shaking his head. "Jesus would never have allowed it. He would never have willingly shared my affection, not even with the cartel."
His chest heaved with his sigh, but Garcia didn't argue or dispute it. His eyes shifted to Tony, older than they'd been when Tony arrived. "So how do you know our Gemelo? How has he gotten mixed up with your kind?"
Tony blinked, opened his mouth to lie, but Duo said, "Apparently I'm not an orphan."
Garcia stared while Tony glared. "I had a great cover story," he informed his son.
Duo shrugged.
"He hates you for turning over his cartel."
"No, he doesn't," Duo said simply.
"He could put a hit out on you."
"He won't."
"He could tell other people."
"You want to tell the world anyway."
Tony choked down the undignified scream that crawled up his throat, and managed to ground out, "You don't start with the bad guys!"
"Few people are all one thing," Duo said, and the words held the weight of an old man's wisdom. He wrapped a shockingly strong hand around Tony's upper arm, and managed to manhandle him to his feet without looking like it was an effort. Tony lived with people he expected that strength from--his son was not one of them. "Time to go."
"I haven't gotten to talk to him at all."
"And you don't need to."
"I do if you won't talk to me!" Tony snapped, pulling away.
Duo met his eyes, unflinching. "Do you really think he'll talk to you now?"
"Dammit, Duo!"
Oddly, that made Duo's lips quirk in a smile. "Come on, Stark," he said, but it was gentler now.
Knowing when he was beat, Tony stomped to the door and banged on it. Duo hesitated and looked back at Garcia.
"Adios, Fer," he said, and it carried finality with it.
"Adios, Gemelo," Garcia said, turning as much as he could in his seat. Their eyes met, and then Duo turned and followed Tony out.
---
They didn't speak till they made it out to the parking lot. Duo followed him to his car.
"How did you even get here?" Tony asked.
"A cab."
"And how would you get back if I left you here?"
Duo rolled his eyes. "This is hardly the worst place I've been stranded. I'd figure it out."
Tony sighed. "Should I ask how you knew I was here?"
An eyebrow lifted and he crossed his arms--this time across his chest. Something about that change drew Tony's attention. He tucked it away, let his brain start working at it. "Someone owes you a favor," he said, letting his irritation show. "Is there anyone you don't know?"
"Sure. Plenty."
"So, are you actually going to tell me about Reyes?" Even to his own ears, he sounded defeated.
To his surprise, Duo cocked his head to the side and considered him. "Why is this so important to you?"
"Because you're my son and I know... God, I know so little about you. About your life. I want to know about the man you loved enough to marry. I want to know if he was worthy of you. From his letter, I know he loved you, but did he treat you right?"
With a sigh, Duo leaned against his car. "When I went undercover, I found an underground fighting ring. Jesus liked 'em, so I worked my way in and after a couple months, I caught his attention, and he asked to meet me face to face." He looked up, staring into the sky. "He didn't come onto me then, exactly, but I could tell I piqued his interest. The next time I fought, he brought in someone I couldn't get away with just kicking the shit out of. Someone I had to kill or he would have killed me." He sighed again, kicked at a pebble. "It pissed me off, being manipulated into killing someone like that. Half the reason I took the job in the first place was because I thought there was a good chance it'd get me killed."
He paused, and Tony didn't push him, not wanting to risk stopping it.
"Jesus was fascinated by the fact I looked like a scrawny kid but was so strong. The contradiction amused him, I think. When he came to see me after the fight, I was totally pissed off and ready to blow the whole damn thing to hell. Then he came onto me." Tony tensed up, but Duo seemed amused by the memory. "Must've been something to see. Jesus had like a foot and a hundred fifty pounds on me, but I'm used to everyone being bigger than me. Jesus didn't scare me. I brushed him off, still pissed that he'd gotten me to kill for him." He paused again, clearly lost in memories. He blinked them away, then continued. "I couldn't fight anymore--the ring tacitly condoned killing, but they had to make it look like it was frowned upon, so fighters who killed were usually kicked out, which left me basically unemployed, and Jesus knew it. I told him he didn't pay me to fuck him and I wasn't that hard up yet." He looked at his feet. "I don't know if I was trying to play hard to get or if I really just wanted him to go away. In the end, it didn't matter. I didn't know it then, but I could not have made him fixate on me better if I'd been trying. No one denied Jesus. No one stood up to him. No one let themselves be manhandled without cowering. He'd seen me fight for months--seen me kill. He knew how dangerous I was. It was part of the appeal. He made it clear that he wanted me, then let me go."
When Duo didn't continue, Tony prompted, "And after that?"
"I stopped in and saw Sally, let her know who her John Doe was and that I had an opportunity to get in deep with Jesus. Sally's smart--she knew that if I was getting that far in that fast, it had to be a honey trap scenario. Before you get mad at her or Une, she told me to pull out. That it wasn't worth it. I disagreed. It was too perfect an opportunity to pass up because she was feeling prudish." He put his hands in his pockets and looked back up at the sky, blue and uninterrupted for nearly as far as the eye could see. His next words made Tony's stomach drop. "Fer called me a whore because he knew I was one. I turned tricks on and off from the time I was about eight until I was about eleven, when I got off L2. I don't usually tell people, one--because people hear I'm an L2 orphan and they just assume it, which is particularly annoying because it's true, even if it's an ugly stereotype. Two, I'm not ashamed of it. I was eleven when I stopped turning tricks. It wasn't something I did because I thought it was cool--it's what I did because I was desperate. I would have been raped anyway--at least if I was selling it, I had a little bit of control over the situation."
Duo talked about it like he would about the weather, and the matter-of-fact explanation made Tony's gorge rise. His son had sold himself because if he didn't, he'd be raped anyway. He had stopped turning tricks when he was eleven. Tony had to lean against the car, but his stomach churned so violently, his legs gave out, dumping him unceremoniously on his ass. He was too busy trying not to throw up to care about his dignity. Hadn't he noticed only a week ago that Duo deliberately downplayed his own attractiveness? No small wonder.
When he was sure that he wasn't going to be sick, he noticed Duo watching him out of the corner of his eye. He didn't look upset or annoyed, but he clearly wasn't surprised.
"Do I want to know how Garcia knew?" Tony asked, swallowing hard.
"I told you, I'm not ashamed of it. Besides, I may have been eleven when I stopped, but those are lessons you don't forget. I know what I look like, and I know how to make a man want me. I did it during the war to get close to targets--though I was usually able to kill them before I had to fuck them. Still, I'd slept with worse men for way worse reasons than bringing down a cartel. Being squeamish about Jesus seemed stupid. Once I went back in, they couldn't pull me out without risking my cover--and my life."
"So you slept with him?" Tony swallowed again, wishing he didn't have to ask that question. Part of him wanted to yell that this wasn't what he wanted to know, but he knew deep down that Duo wouldn't be telling him this if it didn't apply.
He could feel Duo's eyes on him for a long moment before he answered. "Yeah. Not without death threats, though--on both sides. Jesus had figured out who I was--but we knew he would." He shrugged. "For, oh, six months or more? We were... violent. Wufei insists Jesus was abusive. That's what he wanted to tell you about--that Jesus was abusive. It's more complicated than that, though. Jesus liked to leave marks--to show the world I was taken, he would say. He also liked to push me, see how close he could come to killing me before I pushed back. Mostly he did that by choking me."
Tony closed his eyes, pulled up his knees and put his head between them, breathing shallowly through his nose to avoid throwing up.
"Are you really sure you want to hear this?" Duo asked. "It really isn't pretty. I was a mess."
"I need to know," Tony insisted, even as he swallowed all the saliva generated from nearly heaving.
Duo sighed. "On your head be it," he said. "Wufei thinks that I let Jesus hurt me because I hoped he'd kill me. He's right, even if it took me a long time to admit it. My throat was a rainbow of bruises for months, but I could have stopped it at any time, which is why I don't really consider it abuse. Self mutilation with an unusual instrument, maybe, but not abuse. I gave nearly as good as I got, only I used blades--the threat of them was usually enough to get him to back off. I'd end up bruised, but it was a minor nuisance. He was always aware that if he killed me, I was taking him with me."
Tony's brain made the connection, because of course it did. "Your tattoo."
Duo hmmed in agreement. "He suggested it for the first time, oh, a month into our relationship? I held him off for more than nine months. For the record, I finally got sick of looking like a beat wife after about six months. If nothing else, the craziness of our relationship helped ground me. I knew it wasn't healthy, but the whole situation, having a mission, something that needed me on my toes and focused long term, I won't say it got me over losing 'Ro. I don't know that I'll ever be over it. But it did eventually push me back into deciding I wanted to live again, or at least didn't want to die. Not exactly the same thing, but it was good enough. I put my foot down, told him he wasn't allowed to keep choking me or I'd leave him. By then, he was pretty much obsessed with me. Fer wasn't exaggerating--Jesus didn't like to let me out of his sight. It was useful because it meant that I quickly got access to everything. He was also almost psychotically possessive. There were maybe four people in the cartel he was okay with me spending time one-on-one with."
"What changed? Something must have changed."
"I don't know if it was him or me," Duo admitted. "But once I made him stop marking me up, he... opened up. It stopped being just the push and pull of sex and possession. He... wasn't kind, exactly, but it was clear that somewhere along the line, I stopped just being a prize or a trophy--he started to care about me, wanted to know about me. In turn, he told me about himself." 
When Duo didn't continue, Tony managed to pull his head up. Duo was staring directly ahead of him, fingertips trailing over Jesus's name on his neck. "You fell in love with him," Tony guessed.
Duo nodded, dropping his hand and crossing his arms again. "I'm... I'm not like other people. I don't know if it's because of turning tricks or what, but I only have a sex drive when I'm in love with someone. I can have sex, sure, but I don't ever want it or need it, and outside of the physical, it doesn't really do anything for me. I don't experience casual attraction. I know what it looks like on others, and I almost always know when someone's attracted to me like that, but I'm not wired that way. I never look at anyone--man, woman, whatever--and think 'wow, they're hot' or 'I'd hit that.' I need the emotional investment first."
"Demisexual," Tony said, because his brain had to fill in the blanks. Duo blinked at him, curious. "From your description, you're demisexual. You only experience sexual attraction when you have an emotional romantic connection to them."
"I guess. Anyway, Jesus had gotten up one night, and I'm a light sleeper, so I followed him. He nearly burnt down the fucking kitchen trying to make french toast." The words, said in another tone, may have been disparaging, but Duo spoke of it with warmth and affection. "I made him sit and cooked for him, and we just talked. We were just talking, and he realized that I'd been raped as a kid." He shook his head, still bemused, apparently blind to the cold horror settling in Tony's gut at the careless mention. Tony had known, deep in his gut, he had known, but it wasn't the same thing as hearing Duo admit it. "His sister was raped when she was a teenager, and it gave Jesus a bit of a complex about it, which is not typically a complex I associate with organized crime. Jesus about had a panic attack when he thought he might have raped me." Duo shook his head, still smiling. "I told him he was an idiot and I would never have let him do that. He should have known he couldn't force me--I'd have killed him first. He had to know that. But... he was honestly terrified that he'd forced me. That I didn't want to be with him."  He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, lifting his face to the sun, but even though he looked sad, the memory still made his mouth soften in a smile.
Duo opened his eyes and looked back down at Tony. "I didn't always want to be with him, but it was my choice." He looked away, back into the distance before continuing. "I was looking him in the eyes when I told him that. I saw this... incredible relief wash through him. Here was a borderline sociopath, and the very thought he might have raped me could have broken him." He took a deep breath, chest expanding. "I had probably been falling ever since he stopped choking me, but that was the moment I realized it. I'd seen the man in the monster, and... muerte mio." Duo's voice hitched, and it was his turn to swallow. "I loved him. I wanted to be with him, for as long as he'd have me. I wanted to protect him." He looked down at his palms, those scarred palms, and closed his eyes as he closed his hands again. He sniffed softly and gathered himself visibly. "Things were different after that. I got the tattoo because it made him happy, and that was enough for me."
His hand had crept up to trail over his neck again. Even though Tony knew the tattooed skin didn't feel any different than the blank skin, Duo's fingertips unerringly traced each letter. "He was still a monster. He still did terrible things for stupid and selfish reasons. But few people are all one thing, and I got to have the very best of him."
Tony absorbed that for a minute while Duo pushed off the car, standing. He took the few steps to stand in front of Tony. "Was that everything you wanted to know?" he asked, curious. "Or did you want more particulars? Like he probably couldn't cook to save his life but was always willing to help do the dishes if I cooked for him. He preferred to have me in sight, but it wasn't because he didn't trust me. He just liked having me there. He was fascinated by my tattoos and could spend hours tracing them."
"That's enough," Tony interrupted, not wanting to hear more intimate details. He already knew way more about his son's sex life than he ever wanted to.
Duo stuck a hand in his pocket and sighed. "He loved me--as much as he was capable of loving anyone. That's really all you needed to know, and the letter told you that," he said. Really, it would have been much easier to take the rebuke if he sounded even a little upset, rather than resigned.
"I don't want to apologize for wanting to know more about you," Tony said.
Rather than replying to that, Duo held out his hand. Tony stared at it for a moment before taking it. Duo pulled him easily to his feet, then held out his hand again. "The keys?" he prompted. Tony opened his mouth to protest, but Duo interrupted him. "You're still about three shades paler than I like. I'm not letting you drive like that."
"I have--"
"Done must stupider things under much worse circumstances, I'm sure. But I'm here and there's no emergency. I'm not convinced you're not going to throw up."
"How do you expect me to feel? Finding out... that you had to... that you were..." The bile rose in his throat again.
Duo sighed and pushed him back against the car. "Breathe," he said. "Keep it shallow--through your nose."
"Why aren't you... more upset?" Tony asked between breaths.
"I've killed every man who has ever raped me. I've had shrinks tell me that's not a healthy coping mechanism, but it works for me," he said, voice tinged with a morbid humor Tony was sure Natasha would echo. "As for whoring myself, I never did it for myself. I wouldn't have bothered. If it were just me, I could steal enough to survive. I took care of a bunch of other kids when I was young--littler than me. I couldn't provide for all of us on what I could steal, so I turned tricks instead. It was the only work that anyone wanted to give a pretty boy like me anyway."
Tony could feel Duo's eyes on him as he struggled to keep his breathing shallow, struggled against the bile burning the back of his throat. "God... I should have..." He closed his mouth. If he opened it again, he was going to throw up.
Duo sighed, loud enough to make Tony look at him. "Look, you need to stop this. You didn't know. The shit that happened to me... unfortunately, my story isn't that much different than a lot of L2 street kids. The biggest difference is that I survived it."
"My..." Tony choked, but he was going to get this out. "My son has been raped and beaten and had to sell himself just to survive. Had to kill to survive. I can't even tell you who your mother was because I slutted it up better than any whore. You... you should have had everything--"
He was cut off as Duo grabbed his shoulders and pushed him hard into the car. "Listen to me," Duo snapped, low and dangerous. "You. Did. Not. Know. What happened to me isn't your fault, and you need to stop trying to take blame for things you had no part in. You didn't knowingly abandon me. You didn't rape me. You have got to stop this 'what if' game you're playing with yourself. You didn't know, and you can't condemn yourself for things you never did."
"I wasn't there," Tony choked out, and this time, it was tears that fueled the knot in his throat. "You can't... you can't know that I wouldn't have left you to that, even if I had known. You don't know what I was like--"
"And you're not listening. I know people. I know what they're like, I know what drives them, I know how to hit their buttons, got it? I know people. The only person I know who is a better judge of character than I am is Quatre, and he fucking cheats. Stop assuming that you would have made the worst decisions if you'd known, all right? So you were a schmuck when you were in your twenties. Most guys are, and you had more reason to be than most. That doesn't mean that if you knew about me, you would have shut me out or consigned me to my life on L2."
"You can't..."
"I can know that," Duo said, nearly snarling. "I get that you were a prick before Afghanistan. News flash--you're still a prick most of the time, so honestly, it didn't change you all that much. No matter what you or the news or anyone else thinks--the man you were before and the man you are since getting out of that cave--you're the same man. You didn't have a personality transplant--you went through a paradigm shift and realized you weren't the center of the world." He let go of the lapels of Tony's jacket, and stepped back. "You care about people. That didn't come out of nowhere. If I handed you a kid--an infant--right now, and told you it was yours, you'd do anything in your power to protect that kid--to make sure it grew up happy and healthy and they knew that they were loved. Why in empty space would you believe that if someone had handed you me as an infant that you would have done any different?" He met Tony's eyes, refused to look away. "That empathy didn't come from nowhere--it was always part of you. Stop taking blame for shit you didn't do and stop hating yourself for decisions you didn't get a chance to make."
"I--"
"Get it through your head--you didn't know," Duo said, starting to sound angry. "You are not responsible for all of the evils in the world. Maybe if you knew about me, none of it would have ever happened. Maybe I'd have been kidnapped because I was your kid, and it all would have happened just the same. There's no way of knowing, so knock it the hell off."
Even if everything Duo was saying was true, it didn't make Tony feel any better. He opened his mouth, paused, then closed it. He didn't have words to explain how much knowing what Duo had gone through ate at him--how it horrified him.
Duo put his hands on his hips and stared up at the sky as if praying for patience. After a moment, he looked back down and rubbed between his eyes. "You know, it's a little irritating that you seem to think I've been some hapless victim my whole life," he said. "And more than a little condescending." He took Tony's elbow and manhandled him over to the other side of the car. When he stepped away, he was holding up Tony's keys. "Get in," he instructed, and his tone brokered no argument. Tony got in, but only because he had to agree--if only privately--that he was in no shape to drive.
Duo went back around, got in, adjusted the seat and mirrors quickly, then turned on the car, putting it in reverse to back out. "You know, for someone who hasn't known me for very long, you now know more about me than pretty much anyone knows--at least in broad strokes. Even the other pilots didn't know most of it until after the war."
"Why not?" Tony asked, curious.
Shrugging before he put the car back in drive to start out, Duo said, "It was war. None of us really expected to survive. We also didn't spend nearly as much time together early in the war as people think. We didn't know about each other when we came down--even attacked each other on some of our first meetings--hell, I shot 'Ro twice the first time we met. Most of our backgrounds are varying levels of nightmare-inducing, so they're not something we like sharing. Fighting together like we did--we bonded, sure. Just like any good unit should. But we didn't individually build relationships much until after the war was over."
"You and Yuy..."
"Well, some of us clicked more than others during the war. Me'n'Ro, Tro' and Quat. Some people just do," he replied, eyes on the road. He drove the manual so smoothly, someone could be convinced that it was an automatic. "I... have been told repeatedly that I am not a reliable judge of me'n'Ro. You're better off asking one of the others for a more unbiased view." 
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