#andreil incorrect quotes
Renee: You know, a regular person would just tell the boy they like that they like them.
Andrew: *standing in front of a white board that says "I hate Neil but still want to date him* Sure, but would a regular person come up with an elaborate plan that involves kidnapping and a high speed police chase that inevitably ends with us going over a cliff Thelma and Louise style?
Renee: No, no they would not. Can I make a suggestion?
Andrew: *long pause* Fine.
Renee: Let's make that plan B and I could tell him first.
Andrew: If you insist.
Renee: I do.
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Dan: Don’t tell your mother...
Allison: Kiss one another...
Neil: DIE FOR EACH OTHER!
Everyone, ready to hold him back: NEIL NO!
Nicky walking in late: Cool for the summer!
Andrew, watching it all go down: Nice job idiots.
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nicky: where’s the incesticide?
andrew: the what?
nicky: the incesticide? the bug killy stuff?
andrew: did you mean insecticide?
nicky: uh yeah, but i’m pretty sure you’re saying it wrong
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Andrew: I typed "bitch" into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway.
Andrew: Vroom vroom, come out already.
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andrew, holding up a pop tart: this is unfrosted blueberry. how sad do you need to be to pick any unfrosted pop tarts?
andrew: because, number one, it's not healthier, i'll tell you that. it's ten more calories that the other one, the other one is 370. this one, unfrosted, 380. i don't know if that means it's double stuffed. i don't know how they math that out, or if the frosting was never nutritionally anything at all in the first place. which i think is the more likely option-
neil: [ takes another bite of his unfrosted blueberry pop tart ]
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Renee: You got to stop screwing around if you want to be Neil's boyfriend.
Andrew: Woah, woah, woah, boyfriend? I don't want to be Neil's boyfriend.
Renee: Then what do you want?
Andrew: I don't know. I just wanna be with him all the time. I wanna hear about his day. I wanna hold his hand and smell his hair. But I don't want to be his stupid boyfriend.
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Andrew to Neil:
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i don’t sleep at night pt. 30
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Neil: So you like cats?
Neil: *tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*
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Kevin: How do you ask someone out?
Andrew: Well, first-
Neil: Don't ask him, he asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot.
Andrew ...And you said yes?
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Andrew: Name a more iconic duo than my fear of abandonment and instinct to self-isolate.
Neil: You and me.
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Andrew, to Neil: my body is very attracted to your body, but when you speak my brain gets angry
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*Neil and Andrew skipping stones on lake*
Neil: It’s such a beautiful evening.
Andrew, whispering: Take that you fucking lake
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Andrew, bad at flirting: I like your name
Neil, equally as bad: Thanks, I got it for my birthday
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Andrew: *buried in cats* I live here now.
Neil: Get up, your brother's wedding is in 2 hours.
Andrew: Tell him I'm sorry I missed it.
Neil: *tossing the phone on Andrew's chest, walking out of the room* Call him yourself. I'm going to get ready.
Andrew: Captain No Fun!
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Andrew: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?
Aaron: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.
Andrew: Three of us saw it, Aaron. How do you explain that?
Aaron: *points at Nicky* Sleep deprivation. *points at Kevin* Paranoia. *points at Neil* Delusional personality disorder.
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Allison, to Neil: I dare you to—
Andrew: Neil isn’t allowed to accept dares.
Neil: Apparently I have ”no regard for my personal safety”
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Andrew: Sorry, but you're under arrest for robbery
Neil: What did I steal?
Andrew, trying not to cry: My heart.
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Kevin: If you hate Neil so much why did you marry him?
Andrew: *deadpan* Tax reasons.
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Andrew's badass boyfriend
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