#and you have to accept that

[emilnikos]

I need non autistic people to realise meltdowns are a real debilitating thing that has a serious effect on your mental and physical health NOWWWWW!!! The way its been trivialized and lessened pisses me the fuck off. It's not a tantrum and it doesn't come from "being too weak-willed" it's painful and it's embarrassing AND MOST OF ALL IT'S INVOLUNTARY!! Don't claim to be an ally to autistic or disabled people and then make fun of people who have meltdowns. Literally get the hell out of my sight

#i can't believe i have to day it but autism /is/ a disablity. its disabling. meltdowns are part of that. #'oh this is a lukewarm take' you dumbshit fucks have been throwing the word neurodivergent and meltdown around so #casually they have both been said at me with the same disdain as a swear word. you guys will accept making fun of autistic people #if someone jn your circle who is 'cool' does it first. at your big ages. shut the hell up

[mcmissileproof]

favorite hobby when I'm driving is to catch someone trying to climb up my back bumper while I'm going a completely reasonable speed and just slowly take my foot off the gas. you seem upset, brother. why don't we slow down and enjoy the view awhile

#if you won't maintain enough space to stop if I have to slam on brakes then I will just have to go slow enough that it won't kill us both. #kisses 💜 #goes double if you have your brights on #some guy tried to tailgate me with brights on in the rain at night a while ago and I was like beloved we are going 20 until you stop that. #like at that point it's not even spite it's literally that I can't see to safely go any faster than that #lights off back off go around or accept the pace I've set for us #I don't like driving. also.

[blueboyluca]

“When I first heard it, from a dog trainer who knew her behavioral science, it was a stunning moment. I remember where I was standing, what block of Brooklyn’s streets. It was like holding a piece of polished obsidian in the hand, feeling its weight and irreducibility. And its fathomless blackness. Punishment is reinforcing to the punisher. Of course. It fit the science, and it also fit the hidden memories stored in a deeply buried, rusty lockbox inside me. The people who walked down the street arbitrarily compressing their dogs’ tracheas, to which the poor beasts could only submit in uncomprehending misery; the parents who slapped their crying toddlers for the crime of being tired or hungry: These were not aberrantly malevolent villains. They were not doing what they did because they thought it was right, or even because it worked very well. They were simply caught in the same feedback loop in which all behavior is made. Their spasms of delivering small torments relieved their frustration and gave the impression of momentum toward a solution. Most potently, it immediately stopped the behavior. No matter that the effect probably won’t last: the reinforcer—the silence or the cessation of the annoyance—was exquisitely timed. Now. Boy does that feel good.”

— Melissa Holbrook Pierson, The Secret History of Kindness (2015)

#dog books #this chapter was very sad reading #when you become aware of punishment #and its use and its prevalence #it's hard not to despair #again this is why positive reinforcement feels like absolution #maybe now my eyes are open I can make up for what I did #what I did because it's what everyone does #because it's more acceptable to punish than to do anything else #I've been having so many thoughts about punishment and society and justice #this book was very validating #another great validating moment in my jumbled thoughts #was listening to the You're Wrong About episode on justice #with Amanda Knox #it helped to ease the despair a little

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

#my art #feralnette au #birds of a feather #long tags #sorry I went apeshit in the tags #LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW #I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO #its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical #and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread #as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational #in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away #and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do #shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again #legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it #but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings #alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird #she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her #knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself #between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot #and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo #essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that #busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way #to show her she's self sabotaging #cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD

[sunfoxfic]

We were so close to smoking not being cool anymore. We were so close. Then they flavored it mango and now it's taboo to criticize it anymore. People don't ask if they're allowed to vape indoors, they aren't considerate of people who may have health problems that are triggered by the chemicals or if it just bothers them, people don't care that they're supporting an industry built on corruption and greed, they can't see it draining their pockets and much less their health. We were so close to smoking not being cool anymore.

#i hate hate HATE nicotine after watching my parents smoke when i grew up #its gross and bad for your money and bad for your health #and i get it. theres SO MANY socioeconomic factors that make it a complicated issue. #you CANT blame smokers. #but it feels like people are just accepting the institution for what it is bc now it tastes good #bitch just chew gum jfc #it doesn't matter if its an industry issue. we have seen in the past that making it “uncool” hurts the industry #make nicotine uncool again PLEASE #grumbles

[triona-tribblescore]

okay so they may have a minor chokehold on me at the minute-

#LISTEN GUYS LISTEN #THE SONGS ARE REALLY FREAKING GOOD OKAY? #AND LIKE #DID THEY REALLY HAVE TO MAKE THE LAST MOVIE HAVE ANGST SO THAT MY SOUL WOULD BE APPEASED THAT MUCH? #GODDAMN #Hello trolls community i hope you accept my humble contribution :') #I think u guys are pretty cool~ #trolls #trolls band together #trolls 3 #trolls fanart #broppy #trolls floyd #trolls branch #trolls poppy #tribbleart #<3 #dreamworks trolls

[crowzirawho]

I love that Aziraphale perceives Crowley as much cooler than he actually is (because he's completely in love with him).

It's obvious from the body swap scene -which served him well because Crowley does play it cooler in Hell- but my personal favorite is this:

"Jane Austen - the brains behind the 1810 Clarkenwell diamond robbery."

Aziraphale was initially dumbfounded when Crowley knew Jane Austen from the robbery instead of the books she wrote, and he saw how confused Crowley was when he found out that she was an author.

So he thought, if Crowley doesn't know about the fact that she's an author and he knows about the robbery, then this must be the known thing about her that people will recognize her from. And when Nina and Maggie asked "Jane Austen?" he responded with Crowley's fact rather than his.

(It was also very autistic of him to try and copy his "cooler" husband's sayings so that people don't view him as weird)

#aziraphale i love you #but you have to accept your husband is a little loser #not just a little #aziraphale #crowley #aziraphale x crowley #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #ineffable idiots #good omens

[bulldog-butch]

i’m gonna say something controversial yet brave: sexuality labels are a convenient tool we use to define something that is undefinable

#you literally cannot change my mind #if you accept that sexuality is about something other than genitals than you also have to accept that there are going to be millions #of definitions for the same labels #and that’s okay #who you are attracted to cannot possibly ever be described with one word #put weirdo little brains and desires are too complex for that #*our #anyway #i’m right #bork bork!

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

I can’t believe how accurate this is. I’ve had a rock collection since I was a kid, and I’m still collecting them to this day.

Do any of you relate to this? If so, what do you like to collect? It can be plushies, toys, whatever. :)

Neurodivergent Girl

#autism #actually autistic #autism awareness month #autism acceptence month #autism and collecting things #I have a rock collection #do any of you collect anything? #neurodivergence #neurodiversity #actually neurodivergent #feel free to share/reblog #Neurodivergent Girl (Facebook)

[wombywoo]

winter ❄️⛄

#call of duty #cod #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #soapghost #my art #I will not be accepting any criticisms on Ghost's babushka drip at this time ✋ #that man dresses like a russian bag lady and you can't tell me otherwise #also Soap is in a very deep one-sided argument as to why snowboarding is not for 'savages' #there have been several uses of 'radical' #at least 9

[chloesimaginationthings]

Michael doesn’t like his father in any FNAF universe..

#myart #chloesimagination #reblog #william afton #michael afton #vanessa afton #fnaf vanessa #vanessa shelly #steve raglan #fnaf #fnaf movie #fnaf 3 #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #Michael would HATE movie William #I think that’s an accepted assumption BAHA #Shocker all William’s suck 🔥 #I always got the impression William sees his family members as pawns #so movie William meeting Michael would immediately try to manipulate him #though of course Michael wouldn’t have any of it #pulling the lighter out only one way to get rid of this man #Vanessa also expected her father to say something like this #BOTH of you get him!! #I haven’t drawn William enough maybe I’ll do it more soon!

[frogs-in3-hills]

hi does anyone else think about april throwing herself over leo to shield him in the shredder strikes back despite having no weapons no way to defend herself and probably assuming she was going to die. does anyone think about that all the time. every day. uncontrollably

[ID: Digital fanart of Ninja Turtles 2003 depicting a scene from The Shredder Strikes Back part 2. April kneels over an injured Leo, cradling his head and looking back over her shoulder to snarl viciously at the camera, though there is obvious fear in her eyes. Her hair has partially fallen out of her bun, the loose strands sticking to her face with sweat. She has a cut on her cheek. Only a portion of Leo’s face can be seen from behind her shoulder. He looks up at her with a sad, pained expression. He has a swollen, bloody shiner in addition to other cuts and bruises on the rest of his body. They are on the wooden floor of a dark attic. End ID.]

#she’s so protective of her fambly man….. i think she should have gotten to call that wasp a bitch in ‘‘april’s artifact’’ #anyway. #you ever think about how in almost every version befriending the turtles leads to april having these huge moments of loss #losing her shop her job her home her father her LIFE and yet she accepts it all bc she jsut decided to fucking love them more than anything #take my hand. do you think about it…… #tmnt #tmnt 03 #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt 2003 #april o'neil #leonardo tmnt #silly sully art #described #cw blood #she rlly asked is anyone going to adopt these weird turtle children and then didn’t wait for an answer

[cronchy-baguette]

i've caved yall... the way i am so normal about laezel and shadowheart (stay tuned....)

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #laezel #lae'zel #the way her character arc is so beautiful to me #the way she becomes softer and softer and her words more and more poetic #you have taken the whole of me. i could never accept just a piece of you in return #IM BROKEN IM BROKEN IM BROKEN #shoutout to devora wilde for acting the shit out of this role like her Voice is Lae'zel's Voice

[hamletthedane]

Love that Oppenheimer is a deeply disturbing horror movie about a man forced to accept that he is, in a person, the representative manifestation of mankind’s evil in committing one of the greatest horrors of human history - LITERALLY acting as the modern Prometheus, tormented by his sins for the remainder of time. Knowing that he will never be pitied and his actions will forever be utterly unforgivable because the blood of genocide and the potential of total human annihilation will eternally drip from his hands.

But also the simultaneous indictment by the film that to blame a single person for the Manhattan Project is to refuse to accept your own capacity for great evil if the ends ever seem to justify the means, and the culpability of every member of a species that lets itself create something so unspeakably terrible.

Hate that twitter’s take on such a nuanced and brilliantly handled examination of those issues is “movie bad because protagonist not evil enough.”

#what’s that quote about the problem with othering the enemy in media is that we can no longer see our own reflection in their eyes #oppenheimer’s motivations WERE sympathetic that’s the POINT #we SHOULD feel uncomfortable with our sympathy for him - the film goes out of its way to make us feel uncomfortable about it #we should be uncomfortable with the fact that we might have made the same decisions as him in his place #yes he’s evil but his evilness represents the evil that we might all accept in ourselves #twitter simply cannot handle nuanced takes on things ig (tumblr does though - the posts on here have been surprisingly excellent) #oppenheimer #(tldr - look if you walk out of Oppenheimer thinking it somehow celebrates the man then you may need to retake 9th grade Literature srry) #films

[vigilvntes]

dick, giving the family a pep talk: everything you lose is a step you take

the family, nodding in agreement:

jason:

jason: hang on. wait a sec. did you just... quote taylor swift?

dick: ......what? no. no.

jason: no. no, you definitely did. that's taylor swift.

dick: it's not–... i didn't–

barbara: how do you know enough taylor swift to be able to quote her in your speeches?

dick, panicking: *points at jason* well how does he know enough taylor swift to be able to notice that i'm quoting taylor swift?

jason, on his way out: my lawyers will be in contact

tim, quietly: he doesn't even have a lawyer

#everyone be quiet liz is speaking #don't mind me just posting a few drafts #it's batman day you have to forgive my absence and accept this as an apology #batfamily #jason todd #dick grayson #batman #red hood #nightwing #taylor swift #batfamily incorrect quotes #tim drake #red robin #barbara gordon #oracle #batgirl