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ultramagicalternate · 3 months

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ULTRAMagic Interlude Chapter 14

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This time Blood-Wraith stayed for the feast. He felt obligated to do so considering it was his mission that found Rose and Thora. Things would have been perfect had Dunja not been a concern. Like it or not, he would have to drop everything if she appeared at the Iron City. It made the meal bitter sweet for him. Thankfully, realizing that Dunja was not the villain he thought she was did ease his anxiety a bit.

Everyone else was happy as clams as they ate and chatted with each other. Sigmund and Thora were the exception, as they could sense Blood-Wraith’s unease. There was not much they could do for him outside of reassurances. Still, he managed to put on a smile when talked to. Sigmund felt sorry for Blood-Wraith as the boy had a lot weighing on him. It actually would have been ideal if Dunja had showed up, because then the chief could have defused some of the tension.

Later on while everyone played music and danced, Blood-Wraith spotted a hooded figure in the distance. They gave him a weird feeling, like he had seen them before. He also wondered if they were hungry since they were clearly watching the village. Quietly, Blood-Wraith went over to the leftover food and grabbed whatever he could. After filling a mug with mead, he set out for the strange person. Hopefully they would not run away… Blood-Wraith was full and not old enough to drink yet.

“Um, hey there, stranger… Want something to eat?” Blood-Wraith asked as he approached.

The stranger was startled, being woken from a nap. “What!? Who’s there? Oh… uh, for me?” They had a female voice.

“Yes. I already ate, ha. I spotted you in the distance and figured you were probably hungry.”

She took the food. “Really? sharp eye… Thank you.” Oddly the stranger did put down her hood.

“So, um… are you from the forest?”

“No, I just visit here to clear my head. Thank you for making it stay still. It was quite the task to track it down every time…”

“You… know I had a hand in that?”

The stranger took a sip of her drink. “Of course I do, Blood-Wraith… I mean, everyone knows that at this point.”

“Wait, how do you know my name?”

“Word gets around easily where I’m from.”

Blood-Wraith studied the stranger. It was hard to tell who she was as magic seemed to be obscuring her identity under the cloak and hood. “Mind if I get something off my chest?”

“Go ahead. I have my own share of woes after all…”

He knew he had to choose his words carefully. Something was off about this stranger. “I feel icky as of late. I was hoping things would settle down after defeating The Lich of Old. I wanted time to grieve the loss of my friend, but it’s been one thing after another…”

“Oh… I’m sorry for your loss. Mind if I ask who it was?”

“It was Leif, The Dragon of Old.”

The stranger felt her heart ache. “How… how did he die?”

Blood-Wraith gave a faint smile. “He passed away on his own terms after we won. It was inevitable as he needed to reincarnate.”

That was somewhat of a relief, but the stranger still felt responsible. “He’s smiling upon you, Blood-Wraith. I can feel it.”

“You can? Well, thank you. I wish I had something more happy to talk about…”

“You brought Rose and Thora home, didn’t you?”

“Huh, yeah, I did… Stranger, what are your woes? You said you had some, didn’t you?”

She sighed. “Yeah… just the usual of not realizing how good you had it, getting duped by a filthy rat, and realizing your legacy is tarnished beyond fixing…”

“Can’t tarnished and rusted metal be restored?” Blood-Wraith questioned.

The stranger stared at Blood-Wraith for a moment, confused by his query. “Well yes, but that doesn’t change the fact that it happened. You have to remove that layer, weakening the tool as a whole.”

“Okay… but we can always repair the tool with alchemy. Why throw away stuff you can easily fix?”

The stranger paused in disbelief. “You’re optimistic, you know that right?”

“Uh…”

“You can’t fix everything with Alchemy, Blood-Wraith. Some things are just too far gone…”

Blood-Wraith was weirded out, but not about to give up. “Alchemy doesn’t just apply to the physical, it also applies to the spiritual. That’s something I’ve read in my research. We are all Light, we all have Pneuma, and we are all God… I think. Aureolus is a bit different in that regard… argh, my point is that we can all change and improve ourselves, regardless of what we’ve done in life. So yes, you can be fixed with alchemy, mark my words!”

Truth be told, the stranger was on the verge of throwing her hood off so she could look him dead in the eye. She stood up… but then composed herself and sat back down with a sigh. “Okay then… let me give you some advice: 1; If a slimy rat smells like a slimy rat, they are probably a slimy rat. Know a red flag when you see one…”

“Noted…”

“2; If anyone ever tells you that you need to betray your family because of your bloodline or heritage, deck them right in the face and spit on them…”

“A little violent, but sure…”

“And 3! If your most trusted officer betrays you and joins the other side, think long and hard about why she did that.”

“Right… wait, she? Who… who are you, stranger?”

“Blood, tomorrow I have to face my fate head on. I don’t think that the cards are in my favor, but you… you’ve given me the courage to face it head on.” She stood up, looking confident. “My coffin is waiting for me and I’ll get in it with my head held high and chin up.”

“Stranger?” Blood-Wraith also stood up.

“Can you do me a favor?”

He nodded. “Sure, what is it?”

The stranger held out her hand and presented him a lilac-colored flame. “Take this and remember me. I have no right to ask this of you, but it would be an honor if you did.”

Blood-Wraith hesitated a little, but accepted the gift. This fragment felt different, however. “What’s your name, stran…ger…” She had vanished. Before he could rationalize what had just happened, he felt his head go light and collapsed to the forest floor.

His dream that night was a wild one. Blood-Wraith was in the form of Indigo Wolf, running with a large pack of wolves. They were in a hurry as they dashed through brush and lept over streams. Eventually everyone came to a stop by a gentle river, needing to rest and catch their breath. Blood-Wraith was lapping up some water when he noticed an older wolf off by the trees. He went over to her, but then she magically ended up further away. Blood-Wraith went over to her again and the same thing happened. This went on for a while until the two came to a perilous cliff.

The old wolf gazed off into the horizon. Blood-Wraith tried to get her attention, but to no avail. He had a sinking feeling that the wolf was going to jump. His fears were confirmed when she backed up and ran for it. She leapt into the abyss… except, something had caught her. It was Blood-Wraith, who had her tail in his mouth, desperately trying to pull her up. The old wolf barked at him, but he refused to let go. Just about as his grip was about to let go, he heard someone call his name.

“Blood-Wraith!”

He could feel his grasp on the dream realm slipping and panicked. With a mighty surge of strength, he flung the old wolf to safety. He then woke up. “DUNJA!” He shouted.

Sigmund was startled by this. “Blood, is everything alright my boy? You slept out here all night…”

Blood-Wraith was starting to hyperventilate, so Thora knelt down beside him. “Hey, easy kiddo. It’s going to be alright…”

“Argh! No, it’s not!” He got up and looked around frantically.

“Blood, tell us what’s wrong...” Sigmund was very worried at this point.

“I know who the stranger is! SHE’S ABOUT TO DIE!”

Sigmund quickly realized what was going on. “Well are you just going to sit by and let it happen!?”

“NO!” Blood-Wraith growled through gritted teeth as he stared in the direction of the Iron City. “NOT AGAIN!” In a burst of energy, he became Indigo Wolf, but this time it was ten feet tall and engulfed in an aura lilac flame.

“GO! RUN LIKE THE WIND, BLOOD-WRAITH! DESTINY AWAITS YOU!” Sigmund furiously proclaimed.

Blood-Wraith roared and took off like a speeding bullet. The forest parted the trees as he thundered through it, shaking the ground as he ran. Nothing could stop him at this point. His heart thumped like an earthquake and his blood surged violently like rapids through his veins. He needed to go faster. Forcing his body to speed up, he rapidly approached the Iron City. The citizens ran for cover as what could be best described as a giant fireball came rushing through the city streets.

Dunja walked to the city square in plain view of everyone. Their voices were hushed as they watched her. The Singing Storm Tower loomed over the former queen, but she was not going to back down. “Englehart!”

The king stepped out into the square, followed by his royal court. “Dunja. Is it finally the fateful day?”

“Yes, my king. Today we settle this once and for all. I stand to lose everything, but I’m not going down without a fight!”

“Well said, my queen. In truth, you have not lost everything; You still have your spirit and no one can take that from you. I must confess that I have dreaded this duel for a long time… but I’d be a coward unfit to be a court jester if I had run from this. I shall give it my all too…”

As everyone else backed up, The two drew their swords. These were the same ones that they were sworn to the throne with. Dunja carried a sterling silver sword with fire regalia and Englehart had a majestic black sword with ice regalia. Before they could begin, however, something got in their way. A giant wolf landed in between them and howled as loud as it could. This sent chills down everyone’s spine, even Englehart and Dunja. The wolf burst into a storm of flame only to reveal Blood-Wraith. He stood tall and firm, looking directly at Dunja.

“DUNJA! FIGHT ME!”

“Blood-Wraith!? What? No! This needs to be between me and…”

He cut her off. “If you win, I’ll stand aside. If I win, this stops here and now! You have my word.”

“Blood…”

“Dunja, I was serious about what I said in the forest! I can fix you. We can fix you. You can fix you! I’m not going to stand by and let another friend die all because they said they have to!”

It was at this point when Radovan stepped forward, followed by Rose. “BLOOD-WRAITH! What the Hell are you doing!? Get over here, where it’s safe! This is not your fight, nor your burden to bear!”

“Well too bad, father, because I’m making this my fight!”

“Blood-Wraith Raynot! What in the Source has gotten into you!?” Rose exclaimed.

He growled. “DAMN IT! Both of you get back to the crowd and make sure everyone's kept safe! NOW!”

The duke and duchess were taken aback by this. Radovan was about to go and grab Blood-Wraith when Dragoslava went up and stopped him. She gestured for her parents to follow her back to the others. “Come on, I know that attitude of his all too well. We can’t stop him, even if we tried” she pointed out.

Blood-Wraith turned his attention to Englehart. “Don’t even think about it, your majesty…”

“If this is truly what you desire, I have no right to say no. You have my blessing. Dunja, do you accept Sir Blood-Wraith’s challenge?”

She sighed empathetically. Sheathing her sword, Dunja got out of both of her whip blades. They banged on the ground with a loud crash as they were activated. “So be it, Blood-Wraith. I just want to warn you though: I’m not holding back, mark my words.”

Next: Chapter 15

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junkerstorgaard9 · 2 years

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demonslayedher · 3 years

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Hello! I don't know if you've been asked about this before but I love your analysis and reflections and I'd love to know all your thoughts about Zennezu if you don't mind 👀⚡🎀 Thanks so much for this blog!! 😊💝

Thank you again for your patience, as well as your comments on my fics and stuff in the meantime (even on Bird Fic, kya~ thank you <3). All my thoughts, hmmmmn…. Well, clearly I am a fluffy ZenNezu shipper and ship-content creator now, but I sure didn’t start that way. This may be long and rambling and mixed between analysis and personal taste. (Actually, it turned into almost 4000 words.)

So. First a little background. I usually am not much of a shipper. The very few OTPs I have all ended in horrific tragedy, and when romance is a big focus of something I’m otherwise enjoying I usually end up not paying much attention to it in favor of all the other elements I like. This is so much more the case when you can tell they’re going to wind up happily ever after. So what happened to make me so soft and fuzzy about the Kimetsu ships, when I otherwise usually don’t have an appetite for happy fluffy romantic endings?

Three major factors: 1. I’m obsessed. 2. I love these characters and want to see anything and everything about them. 3. Romance wasn’t actually a big element at all in canon, so it left me with an appetite and curiosity for it.

Even though I figured from long ago that ZenNezu would be end game, initially I was somewhere between indifferent and put-off. As much as I love Zenitsu, and I acknowledge that Ufotable the added the “run around and chase Nezuko” bit and removed the part with Zenitsu adoringly talking to Nezuko through her box, and as much as he can be defended for being lonely rather a pervert, the fact still stands that his level of appreciation for girls makes the characters around him uncomfortable. His most cringe-worthy lines at the Butterfly Mansion are all straight from the manga, and even though he was easily one of my favorite characters by the end of my initial watch of the series, I was very put off by his “girls are all queens” surface-level comments and more disturbing pleasure he took in the presence of girls (especially when he could physically interact with them), not to mention his pathetic introduction bothering a complete stranger and displaying that he doesn’t actually take girls’ feelings into consideration.

All this made me inwardly groan, feeling bad for Nezuko, figuring they were going to wind up together because she’s a saint who can find the patience to deal with someone like that, as he clearly wasn’t going to be desirable to any of the rest of the female cast. Enjoying the series well enough despite this, it didn’t bother me terribly much, pairings happen, whatever, I have a history of ignoring them. But one day, well and deep into caring about this whole cast like they’re all my children, I realized something. Isn’t… isn’t it cute how they both get their strength from taking naps? W-wouldn’t it be cute to see them innocently take naps together? Naps to protect each other? Oh. Oh-h-h-h-h. Oh dear. Oh no, it’s cute. Oh no. OH NO.

And that was how my warming up to this pairing started, it very quickly grew into “I love these children and I want them to be happy, being with Nezuko will make Zenitsu very, very happy, I love seeing him happy, happy Zenitsu” but was still a little reserved about Nezuko. Zenitsu was going to make her happy, right? It wasn’t just going to be a case of Nezuko having gotten fond of him over the course of everything they’ve been though, he is actually going to be her taste and make her heart go “kyun” right? Oh Nezuko, oh saintly Nezuko…

Let’s take a moment to pause here and think chronologically, though, as well as analyze their personalities and tastes. Neither of them are particularly picky, we can start there. Aside from fussy busy-bodies like Aoi, as long as it’s a girl, any girl is Zenitsu’s type. He’s desperate, and he’s painted the whole of girl-kind in pretty similar, not always realistic rosy colors. Even though he’s been used and abused by so many girls in his past, it’s his desire to believe that each new one he meets will fit that rosy imaginary color he paints over them that he chooses to let himself be duped, because he really is that lonely. I’ll give him that, sure, he’s a healthy young man with an interest in physical touch, but his dream in Mugen Ressha gives a good indication of what he’s really looking for: companionship, someone who likes spending time with him, someone who will find him useful and believe in him and look to him for protection, someone who likes him enough to spare him the physical intimacy of simply holding his hand. This is all an extension of what Zenitsu desires as whole, hoping he can better himself enough to be reliable and valued in general. Picturing it in the form of a significant other is one very vivid way to focus all those feelings, resulting in that rosy ideal which Zenitsu probably knows in his heart of hearts is too good to be true. That’s why he probably doesn’t think he’s ever going to find it, and therefore why he’s all over any slightest chance of attaining it.

My gosh, if being abandoned over and over isn’t enough, the fact that none of the girls he dated in the past were ever willing to even hold his hand hurts so much.

Nezuko, though, grew up in a secure family with a good relationship to observe between her parents. She probably always envisioned growing up to be like her mother, the quintessential “good wife, wise mother” (a phrase coined later on in the Taisho period to idealize the traditional roles of a woman). She cooks and cleans and sews and the first fanbook even tells us she was good at using an abacus, so she can handle family finances like a pro. Her traditional values probably made her tastes pretty standard, hoping for a reliable protector, but also someone who might be as kind as her father and her brother. But as for what makes her heart go doki-doki? The extra comic at the end of volume 3 tells us that she does long since have a type, it’s a person who’s like a Hisha.

Hisha: a chess/Shougi piece that can move an unlimited number of spaces in horizontal and vertical directions, and is crowned a dragon when it enters enemy territory.

So, yes, this is the part where we all smile and point at Gotouge and say, “I see what you did there, Wani-sensei.”

I find this reassuring; it tells me that Nezuko can find her heart squeezed at how cool Zenitsu is instead of just coming around and liking him because she was flattered by his affection and learned to see how nice he is and stuff. There are plenty of nice Demon Slayers who are strong and cool protectors, but that ZING that Zenitsu has (when he’s asleep) is something that can make her heart race. I’m all for this. I hinge so much of my ZenNezu feelings on this Hisha comment.

The second fanbook states that Nezuko initially had trouble sorting out her memories, and because Zenitsu gave her two such different impressions, it felt like memories of two different people, but over time the memories overlapped to form one complete person. We could say that she and Zenitsu had two first meetings.

Initially, when she was in the box, her little demon heart did go doki-doki; it was the first time a boy besides her brother had protected her, so even though Oniichan is Number One in her heart for the general duration of canon, this encounter was sure to leave a flattering impression. However, when they met face to face that night, he was just some confusing dandelion yelling and screaming about weird stuff, and then he was just a confusing (and possible bothersome) dandelion wanting to hang around her and give her flowers and stuff. It’s anyone’s guess just how “there” Nezuko was at this stage, as she does seem to gain back more of her own will and thought processes over the course of the series, rather than being guided by very, very simple rules to govern her behavior.

Zenitsu feel in love at first sight, and the second fanbook tells us he asked Tanjiro about her human personality, seeing as she wasn’t fully there. He was initially doubtful that anyone so perfect as Nezuko could exist and figured Tanjiro must had been biased and therefore exaggerating, but can we blame Zenitsu for being a smidge guarded? He’s been let down a lot, after all.

We know from Taisho Secrets and side novels that Zenitsu spent a lot of time with Nezuko during their long recovery at the Butterfly Mansion. Even how much more thought we see Nezuko display in the Train arc, she probably underwent a lot of mental development in this time, and my guess is that due to how much he interacted with her, this is probably when Zenitsu went from being a strange dandelion to a strange companion. She probably focused more on the goldfish and the pretty flowers (which he did take her to see!) and any flattering mention of her brother, though. Zenitsu, I’m relieved to say, seemed to genuinely care about what would make Nezuko happy instead of selfishly assuming something like “she likes me too, she wants to marry me.” But knowing Zenitsu, he probably assumed that her willingness to spend time with him was an indication of being willing to talk marriage once she was more herself again, though.

Let’s pause here and put on our Oniichan goggles, though. Early on, Tanjiro has to insist to just about everyone that Nezuko is still her own person with her own thoughts and feelings. Being a demon has taken a lot of her freedom to act on her true nature away from her, but he knows she’s still in there and he treats her like an equal human being. He had to watch over and over as people see his sister and only think, “demon.”

And then there’s his friend Zenitsu, who looks at her and thinks, “girl. Girl! Girl. Girl. Sweet girl, adorable girl, best girl in the world.” And maybe that’s a little bothersome, but yes, someone gets it!! Someone understands! Even though Tanjiro’s initial concerns are keeping Nezuko from being bothered by unwelcome advances, as long as Zenitsu is willing to respect that Nezuko is not entirely able to speak for herself now, he seems pretty approving of Zenitsu (provided Nezuko decides she likes him back). I’d like to think there was an unspoken promise between bros on what boundaries to follow. Besides that, Tanjiro believes in Zenitsu a lot more than Zenitsu believes in himself, so Tanjiro probably wasn’t worried about the “strong protector” role a future husband should fulfil. Or at least, Tanjiro doesn’t seem concerned once he gets to know Zenitsu, he’d have rejected Zenitsu flat-out on that first meeting. Zenitsu, you are so lucky Tanjiro is so forgiving.

However, for as much as Zenitsu sees Nezuko as “GIRL!! Girl, girl, girl!”, he’s still got his rosy vision that conveniently clouds out any disturbing realities. She is, after all, a demon.

This is something Zenitsu never actually had the chance to struggle with, and I would have really liked to see him challenged by that reality a bit more. He never witnessed Nezuko’s berserker mode, nor did he ever see her struggle to keep from eating someone, he wasn’t even awake to watch her fight like a violent animal/angry toddler on the train. Had there been a scene of Zenitsu forced to face how terrifying she had potential to be, it would had really sold his commitment to Nezuko specifically, instead of only Nezuko as his most likely girlfriend candidate.

On the train, Nezuko has the good fortune of seeing another side of Zenitsu, getting one hell of a doki-doki moment. As she’s gaining more self-awareness back, it probably made those doki-dokis more complex too. While I understand there wasn’t a good opportunity to fit in the pace of the story, I love that Taisho Secret of her concerned about him before he wakes up. Instead of him just being that boy who shows her pretty things and says nice things about her Oniichan, this is when he starts becoming something a little more unique among all the people whom little demon Nezuko has bet and who have been nice to her.

In the months that follow, we don’t get much deviation from this slow development. Zenitsu’s feelings toward Nezuko don’t really change at all, but there’s another thing about this ship: neither one chose the other over anybody else. They sort of just came together, Zenitsu gets hooked on one girl at a time, but what if someone had come along with an interest in him? At what point would he had given up on Nezuko? Probably pretty quickly, if someone was serious enough about him. It wouldn’t have been a break up either, since he was still in the pursuing stages (might be more of a break-up conversation with Tanjiro, who had been tacitly supportive).

Actually, for most of the remainder of the series, the affection that Nezuko and Zenitsu build for each other is done when they’re apart, dwelling on their thoughts of each other. For Nezuko, we see this come out after the Swordsmith Village arc in her sunlit elation to see him again, and her efforts to greet him. She very clearly recognizes him and is happy to see him, a big difference compared to how she was more elated by the sight of a fishbowl before. In Zenitsu’s case, this deepening of his affections and running away with his thoughts and feelings results him declaring once and for all, this is her. He’s found her. This is the girl who he will be committed to his whole life, in his heart she is already his wife.

When human!Nezuko is gaining her memories back, her first impressions are of the boy showing her pretty things and giving her flowers, someone who probably has a crush on her, rather than thinking back to someone who she may have had a crush on. (Those cool impressions probably hit her later, I’m assuming, given the stress of the moment.) Romance is not immediately on her mind, though she does quickly recall having friendly affection for this boy for has always been so sweet to her. And Nezuko, handling his surprising level of affection gracefully, helps Zenitsu off the battlefield while he’s in terrible pain (though she probably was too, my poor girl, that fight with demon!Tanjiro was so rough). But honestly, not only is she probably too overwhelmed by everything to think much about romance, but she probably doesn’t take Zenitsu very seriously initially. She knows he’s got a tendency to overexaggerate, and it’s nice that he’s so sweet to her, but since he acts all fluffy and silly around her she probably thinks he’s not being that serious either. Furthermore, she’s got a lot of people to suddenly care about, Zenitsu has a lot to contend with for trying to get special attention. Hell, Zenitsu was probably awake and causing a racket while she was frantic with worry that comatose Giyuu might die. While she did remake Jiichan’s haori to fit Zenitsu’s later, see spent her time in the hospital mending Giyuu’s haori (Nezuko, baby, doesn’t your hand hurt though!?). While Zenitsu was swept up in happy “Nezuko is human now, we’re totally gonna get married” feels, he probably didn’t even notice that he was only one slice in a very big pie of memories that Nezuko suddenly found in her lap and had to slowly chew and digest.

So… this brings us to the extra post-canon comic in the second fanbook, which I initially did not like very much back when it came out in February. I’ve come around a lot to it, but what really hit me at first was “oh no, Nezuko really is only going to accept this marriage because she’s a saint, he’s not being desirable at all.”

But, treating it with a little more patience and sympathy for Zenitsu… he’s just gotten what he’s always wanted, of course he’s going to stop striving a bit and get blissfully carried away in it. And Nezuko, the ever sweet, isn’t going to stop him.

Some of the other commentary in the fanbook states that Zenitsu, for a time, found himself terrified of how girls could be sweet to his face while hiding their true thoughts about him. But, finding that Nezuko was not at all two-faced, he nearly “died and went to heaven” as the exaggeration goes. He doesn’t like to work hard in the first place (but does, because it will make people like Jiichan proud), so getting away with being spoiled is too big of a temptation to resist. Nezuko is sensitive to what makes the people around her happy or uncomfortable, so she never makes any request of Zenitsu. She’s so grateful to have their new little family that her happiness is everyone else’s happiness, she doesn’t really desire a heartthrob romance, even if being a wife and mother is an eventual goal. And, without being under any pressure to make someone proud, Zenitsu gets swept away and indulges.

Thank you, Tanjiro, for putting a stop to this.

He’s still rooting for Zenitsu, since this is his friend and he knows it would make his friend happy to wind up with Nezuko, but he’s setting himself up for failure, or setting Nezuko up to be cheated out on a good match at this rate (if she were to accept out of being nice). Very, very thankfully, Zenitsu responds well to pressure. By this point Nezuko has gotten so used to sweet but indulgent Zenitsu that he seems she totally accepted that his Hisha side didn’t exist anymore, if it even existed in the first place.

Good for Zenitsu asking for her response a year later (when they’d be getting to the legal marriage ages for the Taisho period anyway), he knew he still had shaping up to do to earn her affection. And Nezuko probably needed time to build some admiration for him again, since the doki-dokis were so gone. Even if he couldn’t use that super cool Thunder Breath anymore, it would probably catch her attention to see him strive again, to put effort into being manly, specifically for her. It wasn’t just the Thunder Breath that gave her doki-dokis, it was the Hisha knight-like attitude too, whether asleep and acting on his inner potential, or awake and bravely defending her based on his own goodness and faith.

I hope that in their married life, Zenitsu will retain that sort of manliness in being a provider for her, even he does get indulged a lot at home.

Now for how this plays into some of my fanwork and headcanons:

You know how I said all my OTPs were tragedies? Yeah, I love a good dose of angst. I did start writing a single-scene fic one time of injured Zenitsu desperately trying to cover Nezuko from the sun while waiting for Tanjiro to find them, and in Nezuko’s panic about the sun she starts losing her self-control over her appetite, and Zenitsu is forced to confront that the girl he loves could very easily kill him. I never finished it, though, and it was embarrassingly self-indulgent.

For my big favorite AU of a monster fanfic, I did add more ZenNezu on the massive edit, because by this point I just enjoy ZenNezu so much that I wanted more of it. But!! What I really like about working with it in this fic is that there’s a conflict: Demon!Tanjiro. In this canon divergence, Human!Nezuko and Zenitsu get to interact more than they ever did while she was a demon, and they both already have affection for each other, but the lingering fact that Tanjiro is technically their enemy gives me some tension and angst to work with.

Yes, I wrote a One Shot of Zenitsu and Nezuko as fresh new parents, but it was a bit of a dark dive into Zenitsu’s feelings of inadequacy. But domesticity comes with some inevitable fluff anyway, and likewise it felt embarrassing indulgent, and I can’t write fluff without a little bittersweetness. M…maybe the reason I’m not a shipper is because I’m easily flustered???

I’d like to think that Zenitsu got a desk job that he worked hard at because he wants to be a provider, and Nezuko does find his hard work attractive. I headcanon it was at an electric company, because hahahaha, electricity. I’d like to think he had a long career in that company (and although his colleagues know him for having a bit of an extreme personality and being obsessed with his wife, they sometimes catch glimpses of a very, very strong side of Zenitsu—like, scarily strong), and that when he’s old and retired in the Postwar Economic Miracle, he buys a fancy camera to take pictures of Nezuko (instead of “say cheese” it’s “Thunderclap and Flash!”), and he takes Nezuko to Paris because that’s the romantic thing to do. Also, I don’t like moustaches as a rule, but I totally approve of old man Zenitsu having a fluffy moustache.

World War Two, though… I’d like to think that if his job had him in the city, he was extremely reliable when it came to protecting his family in case of bombing. I’d also like to think that this was when the Kamado family moved to the city, because Nezuko was worried about Kanao and her nieces and nephews, so Zenitsu made sure they were all together. Inosuke might had taken the opposite route and taken his family to the mountains to shelter out there in the wild.

AAAAHHHH, listen to me being so self-indulgent with headcanons, I pride myself on sticking close to canon in my fanwork, I will never produce this, AAAAHHHH, I’m embarrassed~~~~I---I’m not a shipper! No! I don’t have a shipper’s bone in my body! Who needs romance, it means nothing to me, I don’t get swept up in happy fantasies about young newlywed Zenitsu and Nezuko, really I don’t, I take what canon gives me and I stick with it, I’m here for bromance and comradery and fights to the death, I—I don’t need disgusting fluffy feelings, ew, ew, no, really-----ahhh, too flustered, too flustered, too flustered, no, no, no, no, no, no, WHEN DID I BECOME A SHIPPER, nnnnnnnnhhhhjjjj

Which is all to say that Zenitsu and Nezuko as a pairing really grew on me, even though it is essentially a fluffy happy pairing that only got surface-level interaction and was never seriously challenged. It’s got some shadows lurking in there, especially diving into Zenitsu’s heart, but in general this was a slow build-up of mutual affection between two characters with pretty simple desires of their own, and most of all, a desire to see each other happy. That makes it a good comfort ship.

And they’re both are sleepyheads, hNNNGGGHHHhhhhHHHHHHHHHHH

#4000 words over the course of which I slowly begin to lose my cool #Zennezu #Zenitsu x Nezuko #Agatsuma Zenitsu #Kamado Nezuko #Kimetsu no Yaiba #kny #demon slayer #KnY Fandom Theories and Meta

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gaawachan · 3 years

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Critical Role 127 Discord Discussion

*Content warning, discussions of trauma, toxicity, toxic masculinity, implied projection, violence, strong language, etc*

*this is a conversation between two AFAB people with PTSD about Critical Role. It is a bit uncharitable at times, but try to understand that it's coming from a place of hurt and frustration. There are brief references to our own trauma, and discussions about social pressure and unsafe handling of traumatized individuals. Please note that NONE of this is directed at the Critical Role cast*

Also, sorry to any Veth fans we’ve offended, but it’s not so entertaining when you’ve had people like that in your life messing with your ability to heal in a healthy way. Sometimes the media we consume is unintentionally hurtful... as is the meta surrounding it. Please try to remember who might be reading your posts.

Sibling: (regarding a post about how Veth drew first blood in sanatorium) That's TRUE! VETH SHOT FIRST "oh wow what a cold-blooded murderer" fuck off with that lol

Me: ngl I dislike Veth at this point. She's outright toxic to Caleb in a way that makes me really uncomfortable.

Sibling: How dare she call him that when her first impulse in ANY SITUATION is to kill... and she dragged him to the hall he was abused in and condemned him for killing people as swiftly as he could.

Me: She's by far the most bloodthirsty, the whole group (but especially her) keep pushing him into situations he doesn't want to be in and then they clutch their pearls as he mops up the mess THEY pressured him into.

Sibling: I honestly wish Caddy had gone instead of Jester, but I understand why he couldn't.

Me: At EVERY TURN, even before Molly died, they pushed him and put him in dangerous situations he didn't want to be in and then they're like GASP he kills people really fast oh no!

Sibling: I mean, what I don't get is that... yeah, visually the deaths seem horrible. HE MADE SURE THEY DIED AS QUICKLY AS-AS THAT LADY FROM HITMAN WHO GETS SQUASHED IN THE GIANT PRESSER.

Me: No one else in the party gets pressured to do things they don't want to do quite like Caleb does. Maybe Caduceus, early on. But they are CONSTANTLY doing this to Caleb at every turn. Fjord is probably the only one who consistently tries to avoid doing that. Everyone else gets the whole "we'll support whatever you choose to do" treatment. Not Caleb.

Sibling: but yeah, Beau seems... okayish about it? But I wish she'd kept her mouth shut about Astrid. Why should he have to hear what someone complicit in his abuse and others' is "feewwing"? She's using him and she's using the 9.

Me: It makes me so angry, because Caleb, more than any other member of the party, really ought to be given respect for his own autonomy and wishes, ESPECIALLY with regards to his past! They don't just pressure him to do things he doesn't want to do with respect to his past (and other situations, too) but they demand that he do what they think he should while holding the motives they think he should have while doing so. It's not enough that he go after Trent, he has to police his own feelings and do it for the right reasons. Which is really disgusting because all of them are clearly chomping at the bit to kill Trent out of revenge, but Caleb's supposed to want to kill Trent for the greater good. Like seriously FUCK OFF.

Sibling: EXACTLY. HE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO MAKE HIS OWN DECISIONS. It's the expectation of: "You should feel and do these things in regards to your trauma, because doing anything else makes us uncomfortable." Don't we know that fucking feeling. You don't even have to like how you're feeling and other people still get to dictate what is and isn't acceptable. It's genuinely appalling.

Me: I think it's really gross how supportive the group is of each other when it comes to all their various problems, but with Caleb, they are constantly pressuring and challenging him and NOT IN A GOOD WAY.

Sibling: I felt Veth and Caleb's personal exchange was sweet, but I'm right back to feeling that she needs to go when they go to Nicodranas, just... just stay with your family. Bring back Taryon or something.

Me: If this last episode was proof of anything, it's that forcing Caleb to confront his past because others in the party want him to is nothing short of abusive behavior on their parts.

Sibling: Not to mention the condemnation of how he handles the thing they pressured him to do.

Me: And I have thought this even before he told Beau and Molly about Trent, because Caleb didn't want to participate in that tournament thing in Zadash that put him back on Trent's radar. And after he told them, did he ever get an apology from those who pressured him to participate in that? No.

Sibling: ... I just don't understand the 9. Caleb... It'd be like how they treated Fjord in regards to Avantika, honestly.

Me: But frankly she (Veth) has been repeatedly very cruel to him in a very casual way.

Sibling: Totally, wtf, she says she loves him but she acts like she thinks he’s an awful person- a useful awful person.

Me: And I should be clear, I've tried really, really hard to give her the benefit of the doubt, and she just keeps doing it over and over.

Sibling: Dude, same. I thought we got Nott back, and was feeling good until recently.

Me: And the thing that pisses me off most of all is that Caleb HAS made clear what HE wants at this point, and the party just... glossed over it. Caduceus said he approved of Caleb's stance, but... That doesn't mean anything if you don't actively push back against the pressure the other party members apply.

Sibling: As I've said before, I want Caduceus and Caleb to have this talk and yet I realize that he's not that kind of counselor. I don't see Ducey as an advocate... he has no idea what Caleb went through and doesn't have the skills to help him cope; he's a grief counselor, not a therapist.

Me: What Caleb needs is input from people who aren't so pushy about this. Fjord is a good choice but, like Caddy, he's shown that he won't step in and be like "how about we do what CALEB wants?"

Sibling: And... they're able to semi-acknowledge Beau's trauma but not Caleb's? Fjord honestly is the closest thing to an advocate Caleb has but he... he's also too passive. He doesn't care if Caleb does something he'll regret and also doesn't care that other people are pushing him into doing things he'll regret.

Me: Honestly this is why I was HOPING that Essek would get to know the party better, because for all his faults, Essek generally has a cool head and I think he WOULD push back against the others and say that, especially with his experience with the Assembly. I think that Essek would definitely support Caleb's perspective more than the others and he's not afraid to push back with his opinions.

Sibling: Shadowgast forever. Even if it dismays the Widojest fans, who apparently don't like shipping Caleb with people who are morally questionable. Despite the fact that Jester was willing to dupe a ton of people into putting their lives in danger for an imaginary friend.

Me: (not touching ship wars with a ten foot pole, tyvm) I think if Essek saw the way the party members were pressuring Caleb with respect to Trent in particular, he'd be a bit taken aback because he's seen how amenable to the wants of his friends Caleb is.

Sibling: Essek did what Essek wanted to and it got him into trouble. Caleb is helping other people and doing exactly what others tell him to, feeling what others want him to, trying to please them, and it's getting him into trouble. They could do with a bit of reigning in for each other.

Me: Ngl, if this mess gets Caleb killed, I'm going to lose it.

Sibling: Well, I mean... If Caleb dies at all, I'm going to lose it... especially because his blood will be on the 9's hands and I'm not sure if, like Molly, he would want to come back. Which is awful to say but I wonder if someone so... hurt wouldn't just... let it happen.

Sibling: I sort of got it from a player's perspective in regards to Ducey? The cast was bored and weren't really interested in Cad's story so they messed around and ignored him... But like, this? This is... "We need to see Caleb's story arc because we haven't yet, even though it doesn't make sense right now and we're already on a time limit"

Me: That's true... IT MAKES ME SO MAD. When they finished the spell for Veth and tricked Isharnai, Cale let her take time to think before they removed the curse. He didn't even fully understand why she needed that time but he gave it to her. And again, on Rumblecusp for Jester, he was like "here is what I can offer. What do you want me to do for you? I am here for you." AND THEY NEVER DO THE SAME THING IN TURN. WHEN IT'S HIS TURN, THE PARTY IS LIKE "HERE IS WHAT WE WANT YOU TO DO AND HOW WE WANT YOU TO FEEL ABOUT IT."

Sibling: It's true. I'd go so far as to say Caleb's self-destructive in that respect.

Me: Maybe I'm being uncharitable, but this has been going on for 127 episodes and it hasn't gotten any better! They're STILL doing this and they're not even being half as supportive about it the way they were with Jester's angst about Artagan! And Caleb is almost as young as Jester mentally!

Sibling: No, I don't think you're being uncharitable. They treat Caleb like they know what's best for him and not one has bothered to ask him- SERIOUSLY ASK HIM- "Do you want to deal with this now, later, or not at all? because it's okay if you don't want to deal with it. That's your choice."

Sibling: Can you imagine if they were as supportive to Caleb as they were to Jester about her "pedoy-creeper" imaginary friend? Meanwhile Caleb's backstory has ACTUAL TONES of sexual abuse and they're just like hahaaha, don't you want to go back to the torture prison?? You can get some anti-spy necklaces, it'll be good but don't kill anyone there even if they were complicit in your abuse...

Me: AND THEN RESPECT THAT CHOICE. They do not, DO NOT, get to clutch their pearls over Caleb killing people in the sanatorium after all this time. THEY pressured him to do this, THEY ALREADY KNEW this would be awful for him, THEY'VE ALREADY SEEN WHAT HE'S LIKE in these situations, and THEY ARE JUST AS MURDEROUS AS HE IS. When other party members kill people, it's no big deal, but when Caleb is faced with people who imprison and experiment on and torture people like him (ONLY FIVE-SIX YEARS AGO HE WAS IN THERE) and he kills them and they have the audacity to be upset as if they haven't killed dozens of other people for far weaker reasons!

Sibling: ... Actually, do you think it's a sexism thing? They're not addressing Caleb's massive elephant in the room because there's a cute gal who has mild creeper overtones in her backstory?

Me: Yes, I absolutely do. If Caleb was a cute girl, they would be far more emotionally supportive and would not be pressuring him in this way. It absolutely wouldn't happen.

Sibling: Like, they punched the crap out of Artagan, which like, cool, but what did he do to Jester? He screwed over other people and there's some mild undertones of gross manipulation when she was little. Trent canonically abused the Blumentrio when they were children and then stripped Caleb's ability to say "no" from him for 11 years...

Me: It's not just because he's a boy, but he also looks older than he is- early thirties instead of early twenties, and I'd argue that his five years on the streets barely count for mental maturity, too- so they don't give him the same kind of unabashed emotional support, because they still code him as someone "unstable/misled" who needs to be "guided/controlled," hence the constant pressuring and questioning.

Me: No, and that's the thing. The thing that hangs over this in particular. The party barely knows anything about the abuse he suffered and they, including Caleb, know almost nothing about what he endured in the asylum. I can't even imagine how horrifying it is to be there. Just think about it.

Sibling: I have, and I can empathize

Me: Every time he saw one of those guards, you know he had to think... "Did this one hurt me? Did this one? Do they know? They have to know. There's no way they don't know even if they didn't participate... I was here just a few years ago... Did one of them hurt me? Did one of them touch me? Did one of them see me?! I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER IF THEY HURT ME BUT THEM JUST BEING HERE MEANS THEY ARE HURTING PEOPLE LIKE ME." How is anyone, even someone who wasn't tortured and brainwashed as a teenager, supposed to handle that?

Sibling: I know how much it can fuck you up IRL to be abused. Can you imagine 11 years of that??? Fuck no, it was awful just the few times it happened but that was his TRAINING before it was his PRISON. And then his "friends" call him a murderer. Cold, cruel. And that's the thing... I don't know if Caleb will ever open up to anyone about it. Maybe Essek, but certainly not Veth. Veth doesn't care unless she can get something out of it.

Me: It's shocking to me that no one in the party seemed to even consider what a horrible thing it was to do to bring Caleb back there. It speaks to how little consideration they actually have for his feelings on any meaningful level.

Sibling: The only person I can think of who might have an excuse is Caddy because I don't think he's had that specific talk with Caddy. And he never will, because those characters never fucking talk.

Me: No, when they were in Rexxentrum, he clarified some things. He told them that Trent would hurt him and then apologize after the fact, and about his parents, and in Felderwin he did tell them about the experiments, and they knew that he was kept in the asylum for eleven years.

Sibling: Ugh, you're right. I mean I feel like I just don't understand the 9 right now. Caleb... It's a lot like how how they treated Fjord in regards to Avantika, honestly. In fact, I keep drawing parallels to Fjord.

Me: Yeah, that was terrible.

Sibling: It's another "ughh he's a boy he needs to deal with it" rather than "that was awful and I'm sorry" "what can we do to help" And honestly fuck that mindset.

Me: And remember; Caleb was the only one to consider that what happened with Avantika would be hard on Fjord, and even said to Beau and Nott that they needed to be supportive... and then they just ignored him.

Sibling: How dare they treat Jester, who... I'm sorry, what's her trauma again? She was stuck inside for a while... nvm, why is she being treated with more care than Caleb and Fjord, who've both had actual abusive experiences... and the answer is that they've got dicks, and that means they don’t need concern and care. They can deal with it themselves, they have to be MANLY and cope with violence, but also violence is bad and you shouldn't engage in it... "how dare you strike back at the abusers we told you to strike back at?"

Me: Yes. That is exactly it, and don't forget this: When the party first met Nott and Caleb, they assumed that Caleb was a FUCKING PREDATOR preying on Nott. Why? Because he's a homeless man in his apparent thirties, and she was small.

Sibling: Critical Role and the Assumed Nature of People w/ Penises

Me: The best thing Nott ever did for Caleb was correct the record on that bullshit.

Sibling: But again, that's Nott, not Veth. God I miss Nott.

Me: That was back when he was a surrogate for her family and her hope for becoming herself again.

Sibling: I just.... I don't understand what changed; she cared for Caleb even if it was for her own gain... why is she still manipulating him if she has nothing more to gain?

Me: It was Felderwin (when it started to change). But she's doing it now because it will make it easier for her to leave guilt free.

Sibling: Then leave... Don't hang around with a "murderer" if you're going to pretend you haven't done your fair share of slaughtering yourself- fuck, she even drew first blood in that fight, WHY?!

Me: You don't get to put someone into a position where they have to kill people and then get upset and call them a murderer when they kill people. If Veth had just shot and killed the guy in one turn, do you think she'd get that kind of reaction? No. But because it's the traumatized young man who was trained to be a murderer as a teenager, it's somehow particularly bad when he kills... when he has no choice but to do so?! Ridiculous.

Sibling: I just find it so weird that the ACTUAL murder hobo of the group is pointing at another member and calling him the murder hobo. He has killed people, he was a hobo, but the people who have truly done disgusting things over the course of the campaign is not the hobo who is a murderer. It's the Chaos Crew. Beau killed a person with acid when she had a knife readily available... and you know... could have snapped his neck to begin with... not that the party knows that but.

Me: That's what I EXPECTED Beau to do!

Sibling: The GROUP was all horrified and shocked when Caleb quickly and swiftly took out the guards of the torture dungeon but Beau let a man suffer for fucking MINUTES while acid burned out his throat and he suffocated and STILL DIDN'T DIE until she had to finish him off... and Beau killed that man near Caduceus' family, threw his head in the water.

Me: Remember when Nott killed that guard in Uthodurn?

Sibling: Veth has killed so many people when they didn't need to, but no. Using quick, lethal methods to dispatch guards (much, MUCH BETTER than burning) is too far.

Me: NONE of them are pushed back on in the same way, and none of them are pressured to act/feel a certain way, and ALSO... The party has ONLY benefited from this side of Caleb. It is the ONLY reason that Fjord, Yasha, and Jester are alive, because he went into that space to save them in the Sour Nest. It is the ONLY reason they took down Avantika as easily as they did, because he went all out in that fight. It is the ONLY reason they got Yeza out and made friends with the Dynasty, because he was willing to do something that got him scolded- SCOLDED- by the group even though it saved them and HE was the one losing out more than any other by giving up the beacon! And it is therefore the reason they were able to use their clout in the Dynasty to END THE WAR. They benefit from this headspace Caleb falls into and then condemn it at the same time. Don't want him to be that way? Stop putting him in situations where he HAS TO BE THAT WAY.

Sibling: Caleb is the glue for the M9, has saved them more times than they can count. Time, traveling and in combat, and they're still demanding he address his trauma in ways that make them comfortable. Despicable, and honestly? Toxic.

Me: And now he may fall back into the hands of his abuser because of it. I've been thinking of this ever since the peace talks that it was such a shame that Essek was the traitor because Caleb really, really could have benefited from having a true safe space in Rosohna. What a shame it is that Essek was working for THEM, and broke Caleb's trust, and now Rosohna doesn't feel like a place he can really go to anymore.

Sibling: He still can. If Essek survives, go live in your wizard tower, resummon it every single day, and live life away from both sides of the war.

Me: No, I agree. Probably the worst thing that people keep pressuring Caleb on is not revenge. It's what they keep implying he ought to do after Trent is dead. He DOESN'T WANT to be part of the government. He just wants the scourger program to stop.

Sibling: He owes the government NOTHING. It has only hurt him. He doesn't need to be forced to pick up the mess that OTHER PEOPLE CAUSED because he was affected by it.

Me: He just wanted to teach magic ffs. That breaks my heart. Like, what a terrible thing... to tell someone who already thinks he doesn't deserve to be happy, that he should spend his life in a job he DOESN'T WANT in order to fix things that PEOPLE WHO WRONGED HIM DID. Because he could cave in and do it; he hates himself, and that's the true grossness of all the pressure the party puts on Caleb. His self-loathing makes him inclined to just give in and do what they say, because his own desires will end up stifled by theirs.

Sibling: I think the thing that's weird to me though? Is that... other cast members don't... seem to see that. Even in the Talks Machina segments. Liam has expressed how profoundly damaged Caleb is and the cast, not just the party just... doesn't seem to mind? And I honestly, HONESTLY think it's sexism.

Me: Yeah, remember how sweet they were to Calianna? >_> Less trauma with actions just as bad, and yet... "CALEB WHY ARE YOU DOUBTING AND DISTRUSTING HER" - said the people who non-stop doubt and distrust Caleb.

Sibling: I do completely agree that the way the 9 have been handling Caleb's trauma is encapsulated by last week's episode... I think it: 1) Has a lot to do with sexism and 2) Has a lot to do with the cast rushing his arc before the Eiselcross arc is completed. This doesn't feel like his choice to enter his arc. This feels like his hand was forced to address trauma before he was ready and I don't think that's a great look for the 9.

Me: It makes me sad, too, because I feel like with the careless way the Nein handle Caleb's past... I just don't see any way for things to end well for Astrid and Wulf, to be honest. There's no way these buffoons won't fuck up any chance at those two being redeemed. And I'm not even crazy about the prospect of them being redeemed, but if there's any chance for it... it won't be Caleb that fucks it up. It will be the other members of the Nein, I just know it.

Sibling: No, they'll force a romance that won't be any less toxic than it was before. Because a woman needs to heal Caleb's wounds. *pukes*

Me: GOD AND THEN... Like, they all want revenge on Trent even as they pretend that Caleb shouldn't and needs to do things for the greater good, but... the thing is that if they really, really wanted justice for Caleb... Why, why, WHY are they not coordinating with the COBALT SOUL to take Trent down?! That is their ACTUAL BEST AVENUE for doing so! And Caleb would be far more safe and comfortable doing that!

Sibling: "Because the Cobalt Soul is Beau's arc and we want to do Caleb's arc"

Me: Beau gets a trial for her trauma... Caleb gets called a stone-cold murderer for being forced to confront his directly. Then stop pressuring him into direct confrontations with his trauma!

Sibling: Sexism, I'm telling you. She's a laddyyyy

Me: And more and more I'm thinking that the 8th floor of the tower is actually a really healthy thing for him to do, because it's obvious that he's never going to be able to healthily process his trauma in a way that's under his control with the Nein constantly pressuring him to confront it in dangerous, unsafe ways that he doesn't want to. It's amazing to me that they balked at the 8th floor of the tower but have no problem MAKING HIM INTERACT DIRECTLY WITH THE ASSEMBLY AND THE SANATORIUM.

Sibling: And here's my thought regarding that... He can change the tower. When he doesn't need those rooms anymore, he will change them. As he has for his friends. That's a sign of healing. It's a scar that will heal, and that he has power over.

Me: Yes, yes, exactly! And the thing about it is... It's like photos, you know? And no one can actually hurt him in that space.

Sibling: He doesn't have the power over his place of abuse. Old photos can be used to safely address old trauma... walking into the torture-prison and whining about the people you hurt in there is just...

Me: ... It reminds me of the sequence in Tales of Berseria, where they torture Velvet simply by revealing hidden knowledge about the past to her, or Tales of the Abyss, where Luke finds out he was made to do something horrible and it breaks his ego. They are literally putting Caleb into situations where something like that could happen to him every time he meets Astrid or Trent or goes to a place where he will be triggered. I mean full-on total mental breakdown.

Sibling: Honestly? that's what I am expecting and it still could happen.

Me: All it would take is some sort of reveal about those eleven years. Or that night. Or something... and he could just shatter to pieces, and they haven't seemed to have even considered that. It's unbelievable. I'm terrified of a "You destroyed the pillar that supported Akzeriuth. You committed more atrocities you can’t even fathom" moment for Caleb. ;_;

Sibling: stop, god, I can't I would literally have a meltdown like this if Caleb was forced to regress because he wouldn't regress like Beauregard... he would regress, like any abused child to being hurt again.

Me: But we don't know WHAT THEY DID TO HIM... Not fully. I mean the asylum, too, because it's not just that they could have done anything to him in that place. It's that they could have MADE HIM DO THINGS.

Sibling: They abused him, experimented on his body with residuum, and broke his mind. Why would any of that have stopped, when he was literally at Trent's summer house?

Me: And worse still, Trent has ALREADY TRIED TO CAUSE SUCH A BREAKDOWN. He tried to blue-screen Caleb repeatedly at the dinner with comments about his parents. We ALREADY KNOW that he wants to provoke some sort of breakage in Caleb, so why, WHY would you pressure Caleb to go back to that place?!

Sibling: Not to mention, (fucking IDIOTS) THAT ASTRID SENT HIM THERE. SHE WORKS WITH TRENT. SHE WANTS CALEB OUT OF THE WAY. What better way to do it than another 11 years to plan?

Me: She told him Trent wasn't there, too. :-/ Now, that still might have been true in that... he might have been called to the place, but I doubt it.

Sibling: What I want to be said... nvm, I'll actually save that for therapy lol. That's too deep and I don't wanna type that out. That's the problem with characters with trauma: what you want for them might hit too close to home LMAOAOOO. Hurts your heart, especially when it's glossed over.

Me: Caleb getting justice shouldn't necessitate his trauma being rubbed in his face 24/7.

Sibling: TRUE. Truest goddamn thing I ever heard. Especially if his choice is to be done with it.

...........

We didn’t really touch on Yasha, who has actually been a good influence on Caleb, imo, and there were other things we could have talked about that are related to this subject, but *shrug*

Anyway, this conversation mostly came from a place of hurt. It’s frustrating to see characters who claim to love a traumatized character consistently, thoughtlessly behave in ways that are hurtful to that character, and in often brazenly selfish ways. We’re not saying you can’t like characters who do that... this conversation was actually prompted by frankly hurtful posts with respect to Caleb’s mental state.

Also sorry for those who are unfamiliar with Tales of the Abyss/Tales of Berseria. Both of these video games have traumatized protagonists and both games explore their growth (or decline) as a result of that trauma, and were useful in our discussion for making my point.

Edit: Okay, so the first comment I got was someone saying that I’m allowed to think what I want but they don’t want to see it. If you’ve read this far, I hope you noticed that this post criticized that sort of attitude... IN THE CHARACTERS OF CR... It’s bad to pressure a person into exhibiting their trauma in a way that makes normies “comfortable,” so of course the first responder to the post decided to prove just that. I deleted that comment... but not before doing what they wanted, like people like me and characters like Caleb almost always end up doing anyway. Thanks for that. I can see why my post upset that poster. *rolls eyes*

#critrole spoilers #critical role #critrole #spoilers #critical role 127 #caleb widogast #fjord stone #jester lavorre #caduceus clay #beauregard lionett #trent ikithon #essek thelyss #abuse #trauma #meta #autonomy #calianna #relevant tag removed upon request

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seimeinotaka · 3 years

Text

A waltz for two solo dancers (VilXFeMC)

For TwstOC Week Day 2. Relationships.

There is a lingering tension between Vil and Ann, like a waltz. A waltz for two solo dancers, each gliding at their own tune, so close yet so far. Wanting to get close, but not enough to touch each other. Yearning gazes being the only betrayal of those hidden thoughts.

Thanks to polyphenols@AO3 for beta-reading this!

Vil stood in front of Ann, fixing her tie and her hair, unaware or uncaring of the soft smile on her face. Her heart always beat this fast when she was with him, always aware of the way he made her feel.

She loved Vil deeply, ever since that day.

“That’s why I want to give my all to be able to vote for myself proudly.”

Her heart was taken by those words, the deep conviction in his heart.

But she knew things couldn't go the way she wished, because she was a person who did not deserve anything.

It was why she was content with these faint touches, these ephemeral interactions that would go nowhere. At times, it almost felt like Vil was affectionate, an elusive softness that felt like a mirage. But, even if her heart trembled, she pushed her delusions to the back of her mind while simultaneously surrendering herself to the moment until her mind reminded her of her own reality, which marred the moment with a deep shame and grief.

"I cannot enjoy this, no matter how much I desire this. No, it was wishing for anything in the first place that caused me to lose everything."

A risky double thought.

"I don’t like the Potato, Rook," Vil said dryly.

The vice leader arched his eyebrows, with a matching knowing, taunting smile.

"Sure you don't, Roi du Poison. That's why you're mesmerized by the trickster."

"How could I be?" Vil scoffed with disdain, glaring at Rook, a sign to wipe that smirk off his face. "She doesn't know her place and dares to talk back to me. She's untidy, she doesn't take care of her skin, have you seen how she's always yawning in art class?"

Rook nodded to everything he said. "Oui, she is exactly as you say. When you demand her to move, she asks you 'Why?', instead of 'Is this far enough?'. Instead of being mesmerized by your beauty, she waves you hello. You expect her to fear and respect you, admiring you from afar, but she invades your private space to tell you she doesn't like how you treat others. Didn't she tell you, 'I'm on a raid, don't interrupt me or I'll kill you' without batting an eye, when you were filming in the courtyard she was sitting in?"

"You are proving my point, Rook."

"Unyielding against your charms and uncaring at your status as the Queen. To call this a crush would be a mistake. No, your feelings run deeper than this, ahhhh~ the scorching and relentless feeling of love!"

If looks could kill, the hunter would have been buried thirteen times already, for saying something so ridiculous. Vil Schoenheit in love with her, of all people?

"The Trickster also seems interested in you."

The words aimed directly at his heart, why did he choose Rook as vice leader when he was not careful of his place? And why was everyone telling him things he didn't want to admit?

"Of course, isn't that obvious? I am Vil Schoenheit," he uttered, attempting to assert his dominance, to defend his wounded pride.

"You know that's not what I mean."

He turned his eyes away, she had seen through him, the ugliness he wanted to hide. She saw it and yet...

"Stop spouting nonsense, Rook. I'm in a foul mood. I will be in my room."

He entered his room and closed his doors, fist slamming on them. His heart ached, frowning deeply as how easily he could recall her face and her cheeky smile.

And how he desperately wanted her to look at him.

When she was nice to everyone...

How could he tell if she is looking at him...?

He slammed his fist against the door, once more hiding his blushing face on his sleeve, as he was only accompanied by the sound of his racing heart.

Her feelings were like an open box, the best way to hide something was to be upfront about everything. It was how she had managed to fool herself. Never had she tried anything to reach him, to try to get him to love her.

It was fine if her love was one-sided, as hurtful as it was.

She was okay with being just his ‘professional headache’, the girl who sometimes got scolded by him, the possible friend that sometimes hangs out with him. She enjoyed their talks, their accidental meetings, their bickering.

As long as that line was never crossed, she was fine.

There was a silly contradiction to that trail of thought. She was fully aware of her love, and always acted on it, whenever she greeted him or talked to him. Her reassurance came from the bottom of her heart. However, she had no intention of it being known, she wouldn’t go and confess to him or anyone. She was no idiot and she knew how to avoid the usual talks of romance and love between her friends. It helped that Ace and Deuce hardly talked about the matter, focusing on the day-to-day happenings, and less on whatever she was feeling.

So long she could see him, from an invisible wall she had erected to protect him, she would be fine with whatever they never were.

He was surprised to acknowledge she had similar traits to him, even if they looked like immediate opposites at first glance. She didn’t look much like it, but she favored hard work, that was his first surprise. All of her potato friends had been duped by Azul’s scheme, but she was the one who bailed them out. She had also a hidden passion as well, given her devotion to that game of hers she played, and the art she seemed fond of making. While she was young and inexperienced, given how she often lost track of time, it was precisely this trait that showed her ambition and determination. The fortitude to throw herself into a task she had to accomplish no matter what. It honestly annoyed him, she somehow thought it adequate to go to bed at unholy hours as long as she did what she wanted, her skin care be damned, but it somehow made her shine when he scolded her the next morning.

“Sorry, Vil-senpai, I was at a good part of my game and I couldn’t stop.”

With his cosmetics, he could somehow make up for a tired look on her skin, but at times, it was as if she was glowing instead. He wouldn’t have imagined she had pulled an all-nighter, even if she was supposed to be the potato and him, the beauty expert.

She did possess something he lacked. It was that kindness of hers, one not restricted to her friends. His world didn’t forgive the easily duped, the ones who did something for others, expecting nothing in return. The school they studied at held this principle deep in its roots, where being kind and soft would only leave you as prey to be used. He was far from the likes of Azul and Leona, but he wasn’t the kind to help others for no reason. To give out his secrets for free, it was a way to coddle laziness and neglect. In the industry, it was a sure way to get you killed. But it seemed this concept didn’t apply to her, as her webcomic was a way to help her study (one of the potatoes had come to read it often) and her Magicam was full of advice, the accumulated experience of a high-ranked player in her home world. Everything for free, nothing expected in return.

He himself had been on the receiving end, with her annoying encouragement and unwanted advice. With his own life being saved from overblotting, like she had saved the others. Riddle, Leona, Azul, Jamil. Some of them people who had attacked her or her friends. Yet she still helped them, she helped him, not asking for anything, not even a thank you. They had argued, he had been cold to her, but she still extended her hand to save him.

There was something Vil Schoenheit possessed that no one else had, a brilliance that lay deeper than his obvious beauty.

Ann knew he was beautiful, but it was the elegance he carried himself with, the strictness he had for himself and the diligence to reach his goals that made him who he was.

Vil never excused himself, taking responsibility for his faults, like his own admission of his failings for his Overblot and making amends for it. He never asked for help, he worked on his own. She had learned his father was a famous actor, and Vil, while loving him dearly, had never resorted to latching on his father’s fame as an easy way into the business industry.

Instead, he had worked hard, went to auditions and prepared himself. The few times she helped him carry props for his Film Appreciation Club, she had seen the worn out scripts, the hundreds of notes and stickers. He took care of everything with meticulous care, she might have found him rehearsing nonstop even on his busy schedule.

Vil worked out and prided himself on being perfect always, even though he was close to wearing himself thin, and it wasn’t out of simple vanity. He was complex, far from perfect, with his secret failings that didn’t make him less beautiful in her eyes. Someone who wanted to better himself, to reach perfection even if such a state was impossible from the start, how could she not love him for giving his all to a goal?

Even if he denied it, he was kind, secretly helping others being their best person they could be. As harsh and strict as he seemed, he looked out for everyone, not only those close to him or in his dorm. He wouldn’t even mind being painted as something he loathed, as long as that person got the drive to improve themselves. It was why for her, he was a true selfless hero, with shortcomings that he struggled with. And it was why she wanted him to achieve his dream, and had tried to help him in the only way she could, through words, written or spoken, and through art so that others might see him in a different light, the things Vil never mentioned about himself that were easily missed by others just looking at him at glance.

He wanted her to look at him. To praise him. To tell him he was the most beautiful.

"I don't care about your opinion. "

It was a bold lie, one to hide his own deepest feelings, the actual fear of her opinion of him. He was aware that he was in the eye of everyone, but...

He wanted to be in her eyes but feared hearing her thoughts. Because she saw right through his efforts. Through everything he did. Would she praise him?

He felt bare, exposed. And, he was unsure if he could handle her rejection. That was why he shut out her opinion fast, fearing the words he didn't want to hear.

Why wasn't she telling him he was beautiful, like everyone else? Why did she approach him easily? She didn't know her place, he kept repeating that to himself, but there was a lingering fear it was because he was nothing to her, hence why she acted so nonchalantly.

He wanted to be her very first thought in the morning and the last one at night, just as she invaded his dreams and haunted him everywhere with her presence or absence. But he couldn't easily go and tell her, "I saw you in my dreams again. We were together, you by my side, the place I yearn for you to be."

He sighed. There was no use getting upset over this. But these words didn't reach his heart, its pace increasing as he thought of her again.

(He knew that it was because she didn't say those words, that she looked deeper, focusing on his sweat, blood and tears, that he looked for her everywhere now.)

"You've worked so hard to get where you're standing on and that's really amazing."

He was in deep.

"I think your beauty doesn't only lie in how you look, you are beautiful, but it's your determination and hard work that makes you shine."

He stopped breathing when she said that, heart aching so much because she wasn't aware that her words pierced his heart, permanently latching on it like the sword in his crown. Whenever he repeated them in his mind, like a broken record, he clenched his chest, losing all strength, a sweet tasting poison that bewitched his soul. It hurts him but, he couldn't stop himself from yearning it.

"Please, look at me."

"...Please love me..."

He whispered quietly in the darkness of his empty room.

There was an irony of the Pomefiore Queen falling victim to her sweet tender poison.

(Was it really poison? Her words were sweet and gentle, beautiful and without any ill intentions. But they killed him slowly, so they might as well be the most dangerous venom in the world. And he wouldn't stop wishing for it, taking them all until there was nothing left.)

"Vil-senpai, good morning!"

She would smile brightly at him and he would avoid her eyes, feigning indifference because he couldn't hold her gaze back. He preferred to nitpick, to tell her that her lips were dry, that she should pay attention to her appearance, harshly scolding her as his hands carefully arranged her tie.

"I won't be always fixing you. You should be always presentable, what am I going to do with you?"

He fussed over her, giving her even some lipstick he had, after applying it to her lips that surely her potato friends would comment on later.

What was he going to do? Wasn't it obvious? He'd look for her next and fuss again over her appearance, because that was as close as he could allow himself to be, safely hidden by the pretense of her untidy appearance.

"Tell me, Trickster Ann-kun," Rook's piercing voice shot through the silence like the arrow from his bow. "Do you have feelings for the beautiful Vil?"

He had suddenly approached her, as she had taken a night stroll in the surroundings of Ramshackle Dorm to clear her head, even though she knew the chaos would remain.

She closed her eyes, she knew that looking away or up front would show the answer, a fawn in front of the perceptive hunter. Vil had already confronted her, her eyes telling a different story than what she wanted to say. Rook would surely suspect, no, she had a feeling he was asking to confirm his suspicions.

"What do you mean?"

"Your eyes shine the most when you are next to him, even if you then look away moments after. You approach him often, during the free times he has or even when your paths cross, in between classes and your personal activities. There's a tension, a soft lingering warmth when you talk to him. I look at Vil the most, so naturally I would notice first anything that happens around him."

She looked up at the sky, her lips drawn in a thin line. There were no stars to reflect on her eyes.

"Would it bother you?"

"Non, naturally there are many who have feelings for him. In fact, I would be most bothered if people didn't realize his beauty."

"You did mention it before, you wanted us to see his beauty back during our VDC training."

"Oui, Vil has a beauty no one else possesses. It would be foolish to ignore it when close to it. But we are not talking about me, we are talking about you, Trickster Ann-kun."

"..."

"Befitting of your name, you try to fool your opponents and the people who surround you. But you should already know I am a hunter and it's my pride to say I do not let my prey get away.”

"I had a feeling you would say that, though whatever. Whatever I feel, it doesn't really matter."

She could feel his sharp eyes on her, carefully examining her every movement, conscious or unconscious. For a moment, she thought he was concerned, but she wouldn't engage in eye contact for her sake. She knew better than engaging in a fight she would lose.

"If I like him or not, it doesn't matter. Someone like him shouldn't be with someone like me."

"Do you think of yourself as inferior to him, Trickster Ann-kun? Vil is the kind of person who can appreciate beauty, no matter how unconventional."

"I don't really know where I fall in that category, and I don't think too much about it anyway," she said with a casual shrug, but it didn't shake off Rook's inquisitive gaze.

"You should be aware that you're already someone important to him. What happened in the VDC put you in another place in his eyes."

What would it be? Vil’s overblot and her desperate tries to save him? Their talk alone after they lost the VDC? She was sure Vil couldn’t know her punching Rook was largely due to her own anger at him for doing this to Vil.

But no matter the reason, it changed nothing.

"...It's because of that...Things are fine the way they are now. I'm fine with that. "

"Perhaps you are, but what about Vil?"

She unconsciously turned to him, his green eyes revealing a strong protectiveness and concern. She winced and looked away, though perhaps she had already shown too much.

"...He is better this way. I...I don't deserve him, that's all."

"Is this why you don't grasp for him? The yearning in your eyes, you cannot hide it from me, but you don't wish to claim him."

Ann couldn’t reply, and the look in the hunter’s eyes told him he knew more, her silence a confirmation for him. He pressed for no more answers, not that she would give them. Her love was doomed from the start and she was fine with that.

“But what about Vil?”

That was the only problem, though she prayed it never happened.

The truth is, I want him to love me. I want him to hold me.

But I can’t have him.

I have to look at him from afar, no matter how much my heart aches for him.

This was a waltz for two solo dancers, each gliding at their own tune, so close yet so far. Wanting to get close, but not enough to touch each other. Yearning gazes being the only betrayal of those hidden thoughts.

His lips touched hers and a bolt of electricity passed through his body, heart aching so much, as his tight chest reminded him to breathe. Her lips were so soft and tender, and when he pulled back in shock at what he had done, her warmth lingering on his lips almost made him wish to continue. Locking mouths, their skin needing to be one, to be this close always, it was a feeling he had been blessed to have just experienced and cursed, because it would never be enough.

Especially when her eyes reflected a pain he would have never expected to see.

The one time he had let himself be overcome with emotion, his relentless feelings deciding something so bold, it had to be the time where he quietly poured them all in one action only to feel a quiet unmoving slap in the form of her gaze.

She didn't have to say anything, too shocked to move but the rejection in her eyes was more than clear, and her lingering lips on his skin added insult to the injury.

It was the pain he felt as he left the room that let him know how hard he had fallen for her, how much he yearned for her love and adoration, and it was crushing him.

"Potato."

"Huh..."

The next thing she realized was his perfume so close filling her nostrils, his soft lips on hers.

And she felt her world crumbling, the small bubble she had crafted for her delusions rupturing and bringing her to the terrible reality she had to confront.

Something took over her, a violent mix of terror and guilt, of her realizing the thing she had done and how far her silly nonsense had reached.

She wanted his love, she yearned for it deeply, but she couldn’t accept it.

Vil was in love with someone else, right? Not her, someone like Rook or someone else who deserved him.

But his lips were on hers, a delicate blessing she wasn’t worthy of receiving. Hence she could only stand in horror, unable to move or react, because what was she supposed to do?

He pulled back abruptly, his cheeks light pink and brilliant violet eyes avoiding hers. He shook his head before vanishing through the door.

She pressed her fingers on her lips, they were warm, so tempting to keep bringing back the ghost of his skin over hers, the thing she had wished deep down for so long.

But the hurt in his eyes kept haunting her, and she felt like dying.

Thank you for reading!

#twisted wonderland #twstocweek #vil schoenheit #twstoc #vil x mc #twst #rook hunt

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cloudykaii · 4 years

Text

loophole

pairing: demon!san x human!reader

summary: Hiiii 🥺 I was wondering if you could do an enemy to lover au thing with San from Ateez 👉👈 but he’s a demon and Y/N is human and everyone in Ateez is human as well. 🥺 thank you 💛 also keep up the amazing work, you are amazing!

warnings: mentions of minor injuries, demons, stealing of souls, flames,

this is by far one of my favorite things to have written

It was always the same time. Every Wednesday, at a quarter till midnight, San could count on you summoning him in that dark alley. It never failed, no matter what he was doing. He had shown up countless times with something in his hands that made it obvious that you had interrupted his daily schedule. Honestly, though, you felt that by now he shouldn’t act like he had this time free anymore. He should be used to it after weeks of summoning him.

Although, to be fair, you never actually summoned San. You just always summoned in the same alley, surrounded by abandoned buildings with not a person in sight. It was the safest place to do, and since the demonic system worked by reaching whichever demon was closest to you, how was it your fault that San just so happened to be the person who was closest every time?

It’s not like you would choose someone as mean and unnecessarily blunt as San if you had the choice. He was terribly mean to you, irked by that fact that you never actually gave him what you wanted. He hated that in every single deal you made, you managed to get out of him stealing your soul and still get what the deal was made.

You grinned at him, eyes looking him over. “Nice pants.”

San stared back at you, unimpressed. He stood a few feet away from you, clad in a plain grey tee, and blue pajama pants with little yellow ducks printed on them. The bowl of fruit loops in his left hands served the perfect domestic look as he half-glared at you. “Why are you here this week? Do you not already have everything you want?” He snapped his fingers and his bowl of cereal disappeared. “How much more selfish can you get?”

Your smile stayed as bright as it had been before as you looked back at him, undeterred by his snark. “So today wasn’t a good day?”

“It was before I saw you,” he deadpanned. “What do you want now, Y/N?”

Your smile faltered just the slightest, but if San saw it he didn’t say anything at all. You dusted your hands off on your jeans, straightening your back. “I need to find a little girl. She took something from me.”

He snorted. “You want to get payback on a child. I’m supposed to be the demon here.”

You rolled your eyes, smile turning tight. “Just tell me the terms of the deal, and do your part.” You fished a photograph out of your pocket and handed it to him. See, this was the thing about you that irritated San. Everyone else asked for material things, usually money. You asked for strange things. FInding a child, a winter coat that won’t grow too small, a thermos that never grew cold. He had never been particularly bothered, but they got more drastic each time. It just seemed like you were trying to one up everyone at this point, like you were in a standoff battle with someone to see who could have the best stuff. But finding a child… that was different.

He stared down at the photo in his hands for a moment. The child couldn’t have been older than twelve, with dark hair and a smile on her face. Based on the pose, San figured it might have been a school photo. “I’ll bring her to you, and in exchange-”

“And in exchange you get my soul, yadda yadda. You need to make the statement with more flare. You’re so dramatic anyway, I’m sure you could-”

“You want this kid or not?” He asked, tonelessly. You rolled your eyes. “Let’s go over the terms with me. If you bring her to me… I give you my human soul.”

See, this is what San hated about you. You said things so fluently, that it was easy for San to look too far into it and question what you were agreeing to. His fiery eyes searched your face for any sign of a lie, before thinking over the words. He brought you the child, you gave him your soul. Could this finally be the time he got to take your soul? Or would it be another long night of formally explaining how he got duped again? His eyes narrowed at you suspiciously, but you were already pulling out another match and lighting it. “Do we have a deal?”

He stared at you for a moment longer before leaning forward and taking the match from you. The matchstick fell to the ground as San made the flame its own object. He held out his hand in front of him, the flickering flame dancing around his palm. You immediately moved to clasp your hand in his, the flame making your hands grow briefly before going out, sealing the deal. He stepped back as fast as possible, shaking his hand like he had to get the feel of your hand off of him.

You rolled your eyes at that, crossing your arms leaning against the brick. He stood in the middle of the alley. He shut his eyes, only to open them again, eyes now purely black. You didn’t even blink. San never scared you, maybe it was because he had rolled up in duckie pants, but you had never been scared of him. Maybe it was because you summoned him, why be scared of who you invite over right? Then again, it could just be because you had nothing to lose.

You were unimpressed when his eyes flashed red at you, before returning back to his normal state of false humanity. He slowly turned his head to you. “She’s in a warehouse two blocks away. It’s abandoned, but it seems like there’s someone there with her.”

Your heart started racing at that. They had her in a warehouse… how original. San watched our reaction closely. You said you needed to get something back from this child, yet the worried way you bit your lip, and your hands tightening around the straps of your bag had him thinking there was something you weren’t telling him. You snapped out of whatever trance you seemed to be in, before looking at him with your usual sly smile. “Well, I should be on my way then.”

He held out a hand to stop you. “Where are you going? I still need to-”

“You’re not getting my soul today,” you grinned, happily. “I have places to be, so if you wouldn’t mind sliding out of the way, that would be great.”

“Why exactly do you think you get to not live up to your end of the contract this time?”

You rolled your eyes at his annoyed tone, as if you were wondering how you had more brain cells than the demon whose entire existence revolved around contracts just like the one he just forged with you. “Sannie,” you hummed. “We agreed that you get my soul, if you brought that little girl to me,” you spoke slowly. “And you didn’t. You told me where she was.”

You let out a soft little chuckle. “Honestly, you of all people should know specific demonic agreements are.”

He hated the way your eyes sparkled, as if this had been your plan the whole time. Honestly, he would have believed you if you had said you had been. He had made countless deals with you, but somehow you always managed to get out of giving him your soul. It infuriated him, but this time he was more mad at the fact that he had thought he would succeed this time. He had never before, he should have been more careful. He watched you walk off, only to break into a run as you ducked around the corner.

He knew you weren’t actually scared of him chasing you, because he never had before. He always just fumed angrily behind you, blasted some fire at the bricks, and went on about his business. But this time something felt different. He couldn’t explain what it was, maybe it was the request itself that was so bizarre, or how you honestly expected him to believe that someone like you wanted revenge on a child. Normally he wouldn’t even be intrigued by the trivial everyday matters of the average human, but there was something in his body telling him to run after you.

So he did.

If he wasn’t supernatural, he might not have been able to keep up with you. He wasn’t sure what had happened in your life to have you so used to running, but he was sure you weren’t running like a track star. No, you were running like you were used to it; fast, reckless, and determined.

He managed to follow you to the warehouse, but he never expected for you to just run inside. “Reckless human..” he muttered. Was getting whatever this little kid stole from you that important? She was small from the picture he had seen, what could she have possibly taken? A piece of food? A necklace? Were your belongings really more important to you than a child? He found him scoffing at the notion, reminding himself that sometimes mortals were more demonic than demons themselves.

He turned to leave, to let you handle whatever you thought needed to be done and just not involve himself any further when he heard a loud, booming masculine voice. “What are you doing here?”

San’s eyes trailed the corner in the deep left, where a man stood, arms crossed, glaring down at you who just smiled up at him. “Hi!” you gave a tiny little wave, grinning. “It seems you mistakenly took my friend’s daughter from her home. I’m here to take her back.”

The man turned to look at the kid, as if he needed to confirm that he did not, in fact, grab the wrong child. He turned back to glare at you, sizing you up. “You think you are leaving here with her?”

You smiled at that, looking at the girl. “You’ll be home soon, okay? Everything’s alright.”

San assumed at this point that you didn’t actually need to get anything from anyone, you were just trying to save an innocent child from a kidnapper. He sat back, hidden in his own little corner in the darkness. He had no intentions to actually help, that's not what he was here for.

“Don’t talk to her,” he snapped at you, going to shove you but you reacted quickly, grabbing his wrist and hooking your ankle behind his and tugging. He hit the ground with a loud thud, and you called out to the child for her to run. You must have gotten lucky, because he didn’t get back up. You didn’t get any closer to check and see if he was unconscious or what. You just bolted out there, making San chuckle. Maybe you weren’t what he thought you were. For some reason, that relieved him.

#aimee grace writes #ateez #ateez x reader #ateez imagine #choi san #san x reader #choi san x reader #choi san imagine #san #san imagine

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parchmentedscrolls · 3 years

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Perhaps the Biggest Illusion (is reality itself)

Fandom: Persona 5 (Royal) Characters: Akira Kurusu, Goro Akechi, Takuto Maruki Pairings: Goro Akechi/Akira Kurusu Words: 3,480

Read on AO3

“A detective and a phantom thief. Despite being enemies, your relationship isn’t based on hatred or ill will . . .” Maruki muses, leaning towards Ren.

We’re rivals, not enemies—the words were already forming on Akira’s lips when Maruki cut him off.

“That’s why I found it so tragic when I learned what happened in Shido’s Palace,” he said, eyes full of pity, and Akira’s mouth froze. How . . . how can he even know about that?

There had been no one—not even Sae knew what had happened in Shido’s Palace, and there was absolutely no way Maruki had been in the Palace at the time. The only ones present had been The Phantom Thieves and Akechi himself. What had transpired that day had been a carefully guarded secret from the public, which could only mean—

He must have found out from . . . the collective unconscious? Akira frowned—that wouldn’t have made sense, because all of the Phantom Thieves had Personas, and couldn’t mingle with the Shadows or whispers of Mementos. None of them would tell Maruki about it so openly either. They wouldn’t even have had the chance to do so. So how did Maruki—

It clicked. He didn’t find out from one of the others. Akira’s throat tightened uncomfortably. He must have found out . . . from me.

It made all too much sense—Akira was the wildcard of the group, he took in and let out Personas and Shadows with ease, gained them access to his mind in exchange for their trust and their power. Hell, he’d done it in Maruki’s Palace.

And . . . what had happened in the boiler room of Shido’s ship wasn’t something small—to Akira, at least. The memories were too vivid, each moment ingrained almost permanently into Akira’s eyes.

The cocking of a gun, venomous words spit from the cognitive Akechi’s lips; the worst words Akechi could possibly have heard in that situation—“you bastard”—as if to sum up what Akechi believed of his existence within a single word.

“So, my final enemy is a puppet version of myself . . .” was all he’d heard the real Akechi say through gritted teeth, as though condemning himself to his fate. Then, denying that choice, “I . . . !”

The sounds of gunshots echoed loudly, followed by a sickening silence.

Akira barely managed to keep himself from flinching. He could still remember the scene as it played out from behind a metal door where he was left helpless to leave Akechi to his fate, to the unfair, cruel world that he was never really given an opportunity to truly fight back against.

It was no wonder Maruki had picked up on it, in retrospect. Is he . . . going to use this against me? By making a reality in which Shido never went that far, in which Akechi was never made to target Wakaba and Okumura in the first place . . .

Akira’s suspicions were all but confirmed with Maruki’s next words: “Say, Kurusu-kun . . . didn’t you regret how things ended with him?”

Akira’s breath hitched in his throat.

Either Maruki didn’t notice, or he didn’t care. “You two came to a deep understanding of one another . . . yet you had no choice but to leave Akechi-kun to his fate.”

At this point, Maruki didn’t even bother feigning sympathy. The fact that there was only eagerness in his expression made Akira’s stomach twist with regret.

He really, really wished he had never opened up to Maruki.

Or maybe he wished he had never given Maruki the option to fidget with the metacognitive world at all. Maybe he could’ve helped Maruki with his assumptions about Rumi, or could have changed his heart earlier.

He could have helped him instead of . . . this happening.

Because really—it was Akira’s fault and Akira’s fault alone for letting Maruki get this far, for giving him the idea to mess with the collective unconscious in the first place.

A chill ran down Akira’s spine. He did his best to suppress it.

“That’s why I created a reality where you two could have a fresh start together,” Maruki finished, looking for all the world like a puppy expecting to be praised and not a tentacle-wielding manipulator of reality.

Not like he could make all of Akira’s real history with Akechi disappear with the snap of a finger.

Not like that was exactly what he had done.

Akira felt queasy.

“I’ll hold onto your glove.”

A gasp, then a chuckle. “After all this, that’s what you have to say? Seriously, you really are . . .”

That was the last thing he’d heard Akechi say to him in Shido’s Palace.

Morgana gasped. “That would mean the Akechi in the real world is . . .”

Is what? . . . Dead? No, that can’t be . . . Maruki doesn’t know that, he doesn’t know that Akechi turned himself in for me on Christmas Eve, he can’t possibly know about that—

“Get what I’m saying?” Maruki asked, all but confirming Morgana’s assumption. His expression still didn’t change when he continued, “I genuinely didn’t want to tell you like this. I didn’t want to make it seem like I’m holding him hostage.

“But no matter what you may think of me, I just want you to accept this reality and move on with your happy lives.”

Can you even . . . really call it reality?

For a moment, he wants to be selfish—if Maruki had in fact brought Akechi back to life, that would mean that the wish he granted it from was undoubtedly Akira’s.

Even if the other Phantom Thieves hadn’t clearly had different wishes that were granted in their own ways, none of them would have wished for Akechi back. None of them had ever really seen him the way Akira did.

No one ever saw Akechi the way Akira did. No one else cared for him enough to want him back.

Not even Akechi himself.

Akira’s thoughts were proven when Akechi takes this moment to speak: “And that matters how, exactly?” Akira looks at him, breath bated as he continues, “Don’t tell me you think dangling my life before us is going to have any impact on our decision.”

From the way he spoke . . . “So . . . you knew?” You knew all the time that you were, what—dead?—and you never said anything, even to me? Akira wished he could be angry, be upset, even hurt.

But he understood exactly why Akechi hadn’t said it—he’d known that Akira would probably jump at the opportunity to save him. He’d known that, and had kept it from Akira . . . because he didn’t want to be saved if he wasn’t the one choosing it.

“Well,” Akechi said, raising his left hand to his chin (a pose Akira had noted that he still made even after dropping the Detective Prince act), “I lacked conclusive evidence.” He turned directly to face Akira and Morgana, before continuing, “But after I fought against you all, I had a gap in my memory that ended with meeting up with Akira again.”

He must be referring to last month, when he came to Leblanc, but . . . then, what about Christmas?

Unfettered, Akechi doesn’t bring that up at all. “There were also the cases of Wakaba Isshiki and President Okumura . . . of course I’d find all of that suspicious.” His tone conveyed that it would have been stupid for Maruki to think that Akechi of all people could have been duped by the false reality.

“I see,” Maruki nodded diplomatically, then, “I had a feeling the truth of the matter still wouldn’t dissuade you, Akechi-kun . . .” A pause. “But how about you, Kurusu-kun?”

“Is that . . . why you came to Leblanc when you would have assumed I was alone?” Akira asked quietly. “To ask me to make a decision . . . all on my own after revealing this to me?”

He knew exactly what Maruki was trying to get him to do by doing it—coming alone, for what he’d expected would be a one-on-one conversation in which he could use Akechi as bait for Akira.

Maruki ignored the question. “‘You think dangling my life before us going to have any impact on our decision?’ That’s what Akechi-kun said a moment ago. If that’s how you see it at this point, I’m fine with it . . .” Maruki sighed. “But I’m still going to ask you, one last time: Will you accept the reality I create for you?”

Maruki wasn’t stupid. He was a psychologist, for crying out loud. He knew what he was doing, he knew that holding Akechi against him—the one person he couldn’t save—would do numbers on Akira.

And the scariest part, perhaps, was that Maruki knew just how hard it was for Akira to refuse.

“You were the guiding light to my research. You showed me the way so I could make my dream into reality. I have nothing but gratitude for you—not a single ounce of ill will. That’s why I wanted you of all people to understand . . .”

Akira hunched into himself a little, unable to meet Maruki’s eyes. If I had never done anything about Maruki’s research in the first place . . . I wouldn’t have to choose whether Akechi lives or dies . . .

Maruki, finally sensing his discomfort, stood up. “Perhaps I shouldn’t ask you for an answer on the spot like that. I’ll be going now.”

Akira’s mind was still churning, bitter and hurt by the consequences of his own actions unto Maruki and Akechi. Still, he reached into his pocket. “You forgot something,” he said dully, sliding the calling card Yusuke and Akechi had prepared together across the table.

Maruki smiled, picking it up. “Ah, that’s right. I’ve heard your calling.” Akira could sense a slight shift in the atmosphere the moment Maruki turned his back to him. “And, about my question—let’s do this: I’ll be waiting in the Palace tomorrow, just as I promised. If you still haven’t changed your mind by then, we’ll meet there. But if you don’t show, I’ll take that to mean you’ve accepted my reality.” This time, Maruki looked at Akechi before leaving. “See you.”

The closing chime of Leblanc’s bell echoed a little too loudly.

Morgana shuffled in his seat. “What are you gonna do?” he looked at Akira, concern palpable in his gaze.

Akira bit his lip, patting Morgana on the head lightly. Of course Morgana would ask; Morgana was the only one who could come close to understanding just how much Akechi meant to Akira.

Before he could answer, Akechi interrupted. “I’d like to speak with Akira,” he said, pointedly requesting Morgana to leave.

“Akechi . . .” Morgana mumbled, “Gotcha.” The cat nodded, and Akira could have sworn there was a flicker of relief across Akechi’s face—but it was gone as soon as it had come. “I’ll leave the decision up to you, Akira—let me know when you’ve reached an answer.” He didn’t wait another moment before slipping out of Leblanc, probably to the Sakura house.

And then it was just Akira alone with Goro.

Akira stood up next to the counter—next to Goro.

Goro doesn’t look at him. “I will carve my own path for myself.” His words were calm, weighted carefully. “I refuse to accept a reality concocted by someone else, stuck under their control for the rest of my days.”

Akira understood. After the hell of the life he was sure that Goro had had, he couldn’t deny the importance of freedom to him, just when he’d finally gotten it.

He also didn’t miss the hint of wistfulness in Goro’s voice. But if what Maruki had said was really true . . . “Are you sure?” Akira asks, the words out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Goro scoffed. “Why wouldn’t I be?” A pause. “Don’t ask such stupid questions after all this time.”

After all this time, Akira parroted in his head. The same thing he said when—

The sound of a metal wall slamming down echoed too loudly in his head.

Goro relented a little, nodding. “All you have to do is stick to your guns and challenge Maruki.” His eyes narrowed a little, and Akira braced himself for what he knew would be a challenge to follow up on it. “Or are you really so spineless that you’d fold over some bullshit, trivial threat on my life?”

Something—anger, probably, with some indignation—bubbled deeply within Akira, forcing itself out of his mouth. “This isn’t trivial!” he shouted, his hands moving to grab Goro’s collar.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realised he couldn’t the last time he got this worked up over something.

Goro narrowed his eyes in a piercing glare. “It is,” he hissed, and that was the pushing point for Akira.

“No, it’s not!” he shouted—when was the last time he’d shouted?—and pulled Goro closer, leaving barely a few centimetres space between them. Somewhere, it registered in Akira’s mind Goro still has about an inch of height on him, highlighted by the way he glanced downwards to meet Akira’s eyes.

Suddenly, it felt like too much, all at once. Even though Akira was the one to initiate this contact, this closeness, he hadn’t been fully prepared for it. Goro’s silence; the tension between them; the newfound lack of pretenses and metaphors and mind games and double entendre—

It was all too direct. Akira wasn’t a straightforward person. He preferred to make concise but unassuming statements to let the person he was talking to draw their own conclusions. He stayed in the background, blending in with the shadows.

Akechi wasn’t a straightforward person either. He was more the type to say exactly what he meant under a layer of barely decipherable comparisons, making subtle but clearly pointed gestures towards his goals. This was something so wholly new to both of them, Akira was sure.

He also didn’t know how to handle Goro’s sharp gaze searing into his eyes, even through the thick lenses of his glasses. The urge to retreat, to hide away behind another mask was almost overwhelming.

Akira wasn’t used to being seen like this, like himself at his rawest at all.

Something only Goro could see, apparently.

Instead of hiding, Akira buried his face into Goro’s scarf, tears welling up in his eyes that he didn’t want to show.

“Akira—”

“Why can’t you understand,” Akira said quietly into the scarf, “just how important you are to me?” The last words were barely a hoarse whisper, but he knew Goro had heard them nonetheless.

And for once, Goro Akechi had no comeback.

Akira raised his head again, seeing clear conflict in Goro’s eyes. Not hesitation, not rejection, but . . . something akin to surprise.

“I never told Maruki my wish,” Akira admitted. “I think he found it on its own, through Mementos. I didn’t know this was my wish until now.”

“Me not being dead?” Goro was clearly trying to be sharp, but there was no bite in his voice.

Akira shook his head. “No,” he said quietly, one hand reaching up to touch Goro’s hair lightly as the other boy’s breath caught. “A chance for us to meet again with nothing keeping you away. It . . . was selfish.”

“All wishes are.” Goro’s eyes were distant, but Akira couldn’t help but feel like this was perhaps the closest Goro had ever really been.

“Akechi,” Akira said, voice barely even audible to his own ears, “what do you think . . . you would have wished for?”

Goro bit his lip. “Nothing Maruki could have granted.” He didn’t elaborate. If only we had met a few years earlier, Akira recalled, wondering if that would have been it.

More importantly . . . his hand was still on Goro’s face.

In a split-second decision, Akira lifted his other hand to tuck a lock of hair behind Goro’s ear, then used it to cup his cheek and look him in the eyes. “I . . . I’m glad you’re here now, you know?”

Goro shuddered slightly in Akira’s hands, leaning into the touch. Akira briefly wondered when the last time Goro had felt this kind of affection was.

“If I’m really here at all,” Goro whispered.

Akira shook his head slightly, moving close enough to Goro that he could feel his breath on his nose.

“I’m a bit offended you think so little of yourself that you expected me to believe you’re dead,” Akira murmured, parroting Goro’s own words from a month prior.

Goro almost shook with disbelief. “You . . . you really are . . .”

Akira, admittedly, wasn’t paying too much attention to Goro’s shock. Instead, he found himself tracing a line over Goro’s cheekbone with his thumb, reveling in the way that each touch made Goro shudder.

“Akira, this isn’t . . .”

“Please, Goro,” Akira whispered in a way that he hadn’t ever before, his voice low and desperate, wanting nothing more than to just stay in this moment forever. “Just let me have this, for now.”

“I need your own answer first,” Goro hummed softly, clearly appreciating the touch but still refusing to give into it. “I need to hear you say it.” Because saying it would make it real in a world where nothing else was.

It was one of the things Akira truly loved about Goro: how no matter what, he would not waver, under any pressure, under any temptation.

And it was because of that that he found himself saying without hesitation, “We’re stopping Maruki,” and Akira could feel tension leave Goro’s body, could see his eyes soften.

This close, Akira could see Goro’s eyes so clearly—the layers upon layers of deep russet, almost honey-coloured in Leblanc’s warm lamplight Eyes that still burned with a furious flame of determination that only cemented in Akira’s head that Goro was alive; that this, at least, could be real; that Maruki was lying.

There were barely a couple of centimetres between them now, and Akira didn’t know who moved first, but in the next moment, Akira’s lips were on Goro’s in the softest, sweetest of kisses.

Akira didn’t quite know how to describe the kiss—it was gentle, to a degree, tender and careful (dare he say, loving?), but that tenderness stoked the flames of impatience, of heavy desire., and tension melted away after so long of being apart.

It was like two halves being reunited into a single, proper whole.

It felt right, and Akira knew for sure now that Goro was alive, because no dead man could express the same amount of passion as Goro Akechi, his sworn rival, his other half, the only person who could really see him when no one else could.

Not even Maruki could fake something like that.

“Akira,” Goro whispered, finally pulling away, “this isn’t . . .”

Akira shook his head. “It’s real here, you’re real, I’m real, and I’m not giving up on you.”

Goro didn’t say anything.

“Goro,” Akira continued, “you know, Morgana said something when we defeated that false god. He told us that the whole world is a product of cognition. There’s no such thing as a ‘real world’, but what each person sees and feels is what shapes reality. That’s . . . what Maruki made use of.”

Akira took a deep breath, lifting Goro’s left gloved hand and placing it on his chest, right over his heart, which felt like it was beating at a million miles an hour. “This is real. Something that can’t be changed. Mona . . . he was alive because we believed him to be. That’s how he came back, even after the Metaverse disappeared.”

“I wondered,” Goro admitted quietly.

“So that’s why I’m so sure that after all this . . . things will go back to the way they should be.” Akira looked down, not quite able to meet Goro’s eyes, before continuing, “And besides . . . the thought of losing you again— scares me.”

Goro slowly removed his hand from Akira’s chest, drawing it upwards, lifting Akira’s face to look him in the eye. “That’s why,” he said, and Akira could feel the determination in Goro’s voice, “I will never accept this form of reality. I’m done being manipulated. If I live or die, I want it to be on my own terms.”

Akira could feel his eyes stinging as he nodded.

Goro’s gaze softened slightly. “Let’s go back . . . to our true reality.”

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bookishtheaterlover7 · 5 months

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Hi all one of bookies friends here.

Everyone needs to calm down

Look at the facts.

Video- showed her without ANY ring a lot

Video-could he be anymore obvious with his left

hand.

Everytime he does or has something come out she does something. This time she shot herself in the hand twice.

And no I no longer find Chris attractive. If your team real i dont care. I just dont like seeing my friends on here who are team or get all worked up bwcause its nothing. It is for nothing we've, proven its fake.

How many holes can you put into a hot air balloon before it can't fly anymore?

To the GP (genaral public) they are married so right after all it was exposed the rings are fake. teams are gunna have to do or try and do clean up for a while. We knew this was going to happen. I expect to see shit about one flying here or the other flying there or they both fly to meet each other. I mean how many roumers in 2 days can start about who is where? It just

makes it look worse and more comical. A real couple wouldnt do damage control at all. Just because a website publishes an article doesn't mean it's a website that reports news or the truth. Remember People mag, US weekly etc is are still mags they use click bait. Don't freak out everytime you hear a rumor that she flew here or did this or that . The fact is its been de bunked disproven if they choose to continue on with the PR BS thats on them a lot of fans are not playing along any more. Im.not playjng along anymore im done with it. I saw a post in instagram that sums everything us well it said

"I am on team PR. But if he wants people

to believe he's with her, then we should

just leave him to it. It's true he owes

us nothing but we also don't owe him

our support anymore."

What point is there to get upset or nervous or anxious over something just because there a rumor about a plane ride. If you wanna believe theres a plane ride maybe its to sign a new contract that this shit is over.

You know its fake i know its fake. And you know what they showed they were gifts from cartier. Maybe her team would shse poney up the money to get cz versions. Frankly it would be even funnier.

We dont owe chris anything.

If you feel silly or stupid or being duped by thibking he was a better man than he is dont be, everyone was. It only goes to show the man could've had awards by now if he picked better scripts

Clean up is gunna happen. WE HAVE SEEN IT. the less you play into it the faster itll be over with.

But dont let this distract you or upset you from a joyus holiday season or take away any happiness you're experiencing or could be experiencing. Focus on something positive and happy. At the very least i saw a blog with a debate about who qas hotter Sam or Castiel. Now THAT is some shit worth arguing about. Not an airheaded Nazi

Thank you, my dear An🫶n.

Honestly, this is a serious wakeup call to a lot. That ring debacle/exposure is something to note, and it could be the sign to many of being done.

And if they aren't, well, I'm happy to partially become the blog that becomes a nostalgic stop for old Chris, Chris Evans before he was a shit person in a shit relationship with a shit person, and Chris Evans Characters Appreciation and absolute SIMPING!!! Oh, and the occasional Albitch hate post, because I still hate her 😆

I'm even thinking it's time to add more Fandoms to my roster. Marvel characters are high on that list. So are book discussions, because I am enjoying that as well 😁

We'll see. The world is my oyster now, especially with that big bomb that fell into our laps, as well as the fact I'm on break and about to undergo the busiest month of my life!!!

It's going to be filled with holiday cheer, family love, Christmas shopping, reconnecting with everyone, and focusing on improving the one love that came back a few months ago, after years... Writing 😊

So, my beautiful weirdos, can we PLEASE take steps towards something new? I think we could use some respite after months, maybe even years of PR Debunking Hell... 🫶

Also, there are certain topics that I don't want to be discussed on here. Because I don't feel comfortable being in the middle of any debate whatsoever (you can ask my dearest friends on here, they know I hate politics and avoid discussing, and eventually debating it, as much as possible). Until my next post, Beloveds 🤗

#An🫶n asks #thank you!#booky reacts #chris evans #chris evans fandom #still a place to hate Albitch.#booky answers #on to new horizons #Happy 25 Days Before Christmas to those who celebrate it Bitchez!!!!#Happy Hanukkah as well... don't know when but figured #I should embrace different cultures on here 😁#DON'T AT ME ABOUT THE WAR EITHER

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introvertguide · 4 years

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Gone with the Wind; AFI #6

Our next film for review is the classic epic drama, Gone with the Wind (1939). This movie was the big award winner from a year that is often considered the best year for movies in American cinema history. The film won 8 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Screenplay, and Best Actress. Notably, the film also had the first win for a black actor with Best Supporting Actress going to Hattie McDaniel (although she had to get special permission to sit in the back of the room since the awards took place at a segregated hotel). All these wins came against competition like The Wizard of Oz, Wuthering Heights, Stagecoach and Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Although this film is considered to be one of the best American films of all time, there has been a lot of complaints about the depiction of house slaves and slavery in general in this film. I want to discuss why it is still great and the takeaway from the film, but first a quick synopsis of the plot will help. This movie is almost 4 hours long, so it will be much more condensed then usual, and I relied heavily on Wikipedia and IMDB entries to summarize this particular film. I do want to do the standard...

SPOILER ALERT!!!! IF YOU ARE AMERICAN, THEN YOU SHOULD PROBABLY WATCH THIS FILM AS ALMOST A CIVIC DUTY!!! IT IS A MAJOR PART OF AMERICAN CINEMA HISTORY AND SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE EXPERIENCED!!! IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT, I IMPLORE YOU TO GO AND WATCH IT BEFORE READING ANY FURTHER!!!

In 1861, on the eve of the American Civil War, Scarlett O'Hara (Vivien Leigh) lives at Tara, her family's cotton plantation in Georgia, with her parents and two sisters and their many slaves. Scarlett learns that Ashley Wilkes (Leslie Howard), whom she secretly loves, is to be married to his cousin, Melanie Hamilton (Olivia de Havilland), and the engagement is to be announced the next day at a barbecue at Ashley's home, the nearby plantation Twelve Oaks. At the Twelve Oaks party, Scarlett makes an advance on Ashley, but instead catches the attention of another guest, Rhett Butler (Clark Gable). The barbecue is disrupted by news of the declaration of war, and the men rush to enlist. In a bid to arouse jealousy in Ashley, Scarlett marries Melanie's younger brother Charles before he leaves to fight. Following Charles's death while serving in the Confederate States Army, Scarlett's mother sends her to the Hamilton home in Atlanta, where she creates a scene by attending a charity bazaar in her mourning attire and waltzing with Rhett, now a blockade runner for the Confederacy.

The tide of war turns against the Confederacy after the Battle of Gettysburg, in which many of the men of Scarlett's town are killed. Eight months later, as the city is besieged by the Union Army in the Atlanta Campaign, Melanie gives birth with Scarlett's aid, and Rhett helps them flee the city. Once out of the city, Rhett chooses to go off to fight, leaving Scarlett to make her own way back to Tara. Upon her return home, Scarlett finds Tara deserted, except for her father, her sisters, and two former slaves: Mammy (Hattie McDaniel) and Pork (Oscar Polk). Scarlett learns that her mother has just died of typhoid fever and her father has become senile. With Tara pillaged by Union troops and the fields untended, Scarlett vows she will do anything for the survival of her family and herself.

(Little bit of a side note, this seems to be where several of the commenters on IMDB thought the movie ended as the phrase “ends with Scarlett vowing never to go hungry again” showed up more than once. This is the point of the intermission and the two halves are very different from each other, but this is by no means the end of the film. It is a very good time to take a break if you are watching it so I suggest taking more than the intermission time to stretch your legs. This is a really long movie.)

As the O'Haras work in the cotton fields, Scarlett's father attempts to chase away a scalawag from his land, but is thrown from his horse and killed. With the defeat of the Confederacy, Ashley also returns, but finds he is of little help at Tara. When Scarlett begs him to run away with her, he confesses his desire for her and kisses her passionately, but says he cannot leave Melanie. Unable to pay the Reconstructionist taxes imposed on Tara, Scarlett dupes her younger sister Suellen's fiancé, the middle-aged and wealthy general store owner Frank Kennedy, into marrying her, by saying Suellen got tired of waiting and married another suitor. Frank, Ashley, Rhett and several other accomplices make a night raid on a shanty town after Scarlett is attacked while driving through it alone, resulting in Frank's death. With Frank's funeral barely over, Rhett proposes to Scarlett and she accepts.

Rhett and Scarlett have a daughter whom Rhett names Bonnie Blue, but Scarlett, still pining for Ashley and chagrined at the perceived ruin of her figure, lets Rhett know that she wants no more children and that they will no longer share a bed. One day at Frank's mill, Scarlett and Ashley are seen embracing by Ashley's sister, India, and harboring an intense dislike of Scarlett she eagerly spreads rumors. Later that evening, Rhett, having heard the rumors, forces Scarlett to attend a birthday party for Ashley. Incapable of believing anything bad of her, Melanie stands by Scarlett's side so that all know that she believes the gossip to be false. After returning home from the party, Scarlett finds Rhett downstairs drunk, and they argue about Ashley. Rhett kisses Scarlett against her will, stating his intent to have sex with her that night, and carries the struggling Scarlett to the bedroom.

The next day, Rhett apologizes for his behavior and offers Scarlett a divorce, which she rejects, saying that it would be a disgrace. When Rhett returns from an extended trip to London, Scarlett informs him that she is pregnant, but an argument ensues which results in her falling down a flight of stairs and suffering a miscarriage. As she is recovering, tragedy strikes when Bonnie dies while attempting to jump a fence with her pony. Scarlett and Rhett visit Melanie, who has suffered complications arising from a new pregnancy, on her deathbed. As Scarlett consoles Ashley, Rhett prepares to leave Atlanta. Having realized that it was him she truly loved all along, and not Ashley, Scarlett pleads with Rhett to stay, but Rhett rebuffs her and walks away into the morning fog, leaving her in tears on the staircase. A distraught Scarlett resolves to return home to Tara, believing that one day she will get Rhett back.

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While discussing this film with my mom, she mentioned that the film has had a different effect on her each time and she felt like it was because she was a different person each time she saw it. I have had the same experience and I find that rewatching the film is a good way to see how your own perspective has changed over time. I first saw this as a teen and thought Rhett Butler was a cold man who could could not forgive a suffering Scarlett who was trying to figure out her priorities during a trying time. In my twenties, I could only focus on the depiction of slavery and thought that people should not watch the film at all. In my thirties, I hated Scarlett and wished that she had died instead of her friend or the daughter because she was dramatic and made bad situations worse. I recently turned forty and watched it again...

I still find Scarlett to be dramatic and the cause of many of her own problems, but at the same time I would expect this from somebody her age (I think I finally separated the age of the actress from the age of the character) with her “Princess of the South” upbringing. I can’t really empathize since her life was much easier than mine, but I can sympathize after working with many rich teens who are spoiled and don’t know how to act in an emergency. I think I understand better about how the author of the book was trying to portray this plantation lifestyle as almost royalty and the slaves were like the 1850s Southern United States version of royal attendants. I find the language very cringy, but all of the house slaves at the O’Hara plantation have their place in the story. This is probably an accurate depiction of what somebody from the old South would want to glamorize plantation life as being to people living in the 1940s, and thus historically valuable. I find Rhett Butler to be somewhat similar to Han Solo: somebody who looks out for his own best interest but softens for good people and good causes. He seems to do good things except when he gets drunk and forces himself on Scarlett (marriage and sexual assault are not mutually exclusive). He is otherwise pretty faultless, but that scene drops him quite a few pegs in my eyes.

One thing that sticks with me each and every time is when Scarlett is working at the army hospital and the doctor wants her to help with an amputation. They have nothing to numb the pain and there is a young man screaming not to cut into his leg...I can’t even imagine yet I know that this was not even uncommon during the height of the war. I remember watching a documentary on the Civil War and a real photo showing a pile of amputated limbs at a makeshift tent hospital. The pile looked to have more than 100 limbs and I am sure they did not have enough morphine for all of these men. The best field doctors were said to be more strong and stoic than accurate since being able to saw through a man’s leg quickly was a major commodity. This horrifically honest portrayal of war in the midst of the Nazi threat and a couple of years before the entry of the U.S. into WW2 took courage. I was able to sublimate a little more during this viewing since there was no on-screen cutting. I also tried to imagine the man doing the voice over and screaming “Don't cut my leg!” in a sound studio. It helped. Another thing that I didn’t know during previous viewings was that when she exits the building and sees the hundreds of soldiers in the streets, half of the bodies on the ground are manikins. Look very closely at the middle picture above...half over those bodies are fakes.

I learned a lot from the extras that were with this movie since I borrowed my friend’s DVD box set. It was unexpected to me that the three slaves were my friend’s favorite characters (Pork, Mammy, and Prissy), since my friend is a black woman in her 70s and grew up during the Civil Rights movement when films that depicted slavery in this way were generally looked down upon. My friend said she was glad to see black actors at all from the era and the movement had to start somewhere. The actors seemed to be of the same opinion with Hattie McDaniel saying she would rather portray a maid and get paid like an actor than have to actually be a maid. Speaking roles for black actors were very few, especially in big budget movies, so there was not a lot of concern about the character being portrayed. This makes since, especially after the Great Depression. Having a role playing a stereotyped house slave still meant a great paycheck at the end of the week. I also liked that one of the things that Rhett Butler wanted and had difficulty getting was approval from Mammy concerning the courtship of Scarlett. Mammy was a slave, but she knew a lot of secrets and was not powerless.

My favorite character this time around was Melanie Hamilton because she is just a good person. She is not helpless and she doesn’t complain about her problems, she just handles her business and keeps supporting her family with a strength that I am not likely to truly know. I was saddened to hear that the actress recently passed away as, similar to her character, she seemed like a real survivor that would live forever. Apparently the actress, Olivia de Havilland, was not nearly as demure and liked to play jokes on her fellow actors. She also made a lot of fun about the age gap between Vivien Leigh and the actress playing Scarlett’s mother (there was a real life age difference of 4 years). Havilland also had the crew tie her to a chair that Clark Gable was supposed to lift her from and he nearly threw out his back.

It is a little surprising how much adversity occurred on set since there were a lot of injuries, actors who didn’t really like their character (Vivien Leigh described her character as a “raging bitch”), giant sets that were lit on fire so only one take was possible, and the portrayal of the South and slavery in a favorable light. However, like so many other films on the AFI list, it seems like the difficulties are what bonded the groups together to make classic cinema. It seems like a little adversity and strife can bring out the best in film makers.

So does this movie belong on the AFI list? Maybe more than any other movie ever made. It is the top film from the pinnacle year of the Golden Age of Hollywood. It is a historical drama about a singularly American topic based on an American best seller. I think a list about great American movies should probably start with films like this and go from there. Absolute classic. Would I recommend it? Yes, and I would actually recommend multiple viewings because your interpretation will change throughout your life. This is a superiorly good movie that should be viewed, no matter how it is interpreted. Just make sure to plan a break because this movie is epic in scale and in run time. Still totally worth it.

#gone with the wind #vivien leigh #olivia de havilland #clark gable #golden age of hollywood #classic film #american film institute #depictions of slavery #academy award winner #best picture #introvert #introverts

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autumnblogs · 3 years

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Day 16: Preoccupied by the same things as trolls

https://homestuck.com/story/2792

Not actually a whole lot of substance for all this dialogue, but we’ve got a few things.

I forgot how hostile Kanaya became toward Vriska, and it sounds to some extent like that’s how it is toward Tavros too? Girl really knows how to hold a grudge - Kanaya is a generally sweet girl, but she’s got a pretty uncontrollable temper when it comes to matters of the heart.

More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/2805

Rose is not a Prince, and if the inversion theory is true, she wouldn’t invert into one either, but the parallel between them here is about as clear as it can get. By Trolling Rose, Eridan makes it irritatingly obvious to Rose just how dangerous and uncooperative she’s becoming in her pursuit of knowledge and power by drawing these comparisons between the two of them. Ridiculous as they are, Eridan is right - Rose is becoming something of a villain, or at least a dangerously unstable anti-hero.

Rose, unlike most of the main characters who might be called antagonists, does not actually do anything especially heinous. She doesn’t kill anyone who doesn’t deserve it like Vriska does.

But she’s definitely turning into an antagonistic force nonetheless, and one whose actions will ultimately lead to the creation of the Green Sun - something which has to happen, but which nevertheless makes her Scratch’s dupe just like Vriska.

https://homestuck.com/story/2809

If Rose is a parallel to Vriska, and Aradia is a parallel to Vriska, perhaps there are some parallels between Aradia and Vriska. Not the least of which is being severely pessimistic young ladies who engage in reckless, self-destructive behavior to cope with their feelings of helplessness.

https://homestuck.com/story/2818

Gamzee is the reverse of Dave here, in a way.

Gamzee and Dave have both been under the influence of Lord English, more or less directly, their entire lives, and in time, Gamzee inherits Lil Cal. Gamzee’s crisis of faith turns him into a villain, and he exits the story as a character, becoming more or less a plot element.

Dave will also get to enjoy his crisis of faith before long when Bro dies, and separated from him, he’ll have the opposite experience - becoming a far happier and more chill person, but pretty irrelevant to the plot.

https://homestuck.com/story/2825

Dave gets trolled by Trolls along the same basic lines Rose does. Equius’ preoccupation with Hierarchy may not seem like it reflects on Dave, but Dave is clearly unsettled by his relationship with John as second banana in terms of power - there’s no way he can catch up. Dave is not the hero, in spite of all the symbols associated with him that should make him the hero. He’s the sidekick.

https://homestuck.com/story/2836

Here’s a fresh take. Dave’s Broken Symbol, and his Broken Sword, are both emblematic of the fact that he “flunked” Bro’s training. Dave is not the strongest. He is not the most badass. He is not even all that cool.

But what Dave is is genuinely creative. He’s a cunning lateral thinker. Practical, to the point, reliable. Dave isn’t the aloof guy who always wins that Bro tried to turn him into, and having his sword broken and his disc scratched are both symbols of that failure - but they are also symbols of transformation, and of coming into one’s own strengths after becoming disillusioned with a false sense of pride.

Dave might not be able to pull the sword out of the stone - he’s not the destined King. But there’s more than one way to skin a cat.

https://homestuck.com/story/2848

Let’s do some more theme association.

If the Squiddles are the Dark Gods, and Squiddles are also symbols of intimacy, maybe there’s some degree to which the impulses stoked by the Dark Gods are unifying impulses - the desire to become tangle buddies with your pals are at basic odds with the fact that you are a separate individual with your own body and your own will. The union of the real, one, unique self, Skaia, with the realm of all unrealized possibility, the Furthest Ring, is what the Dark Gods are after, but that union would be destructive to Skaia - perfect unity with the Horrorterrors would have it cease to be Skaia at all.

https://homestuck.com/story/2850

Following the same pattern to analyze this set of troll-human relationships.

I wonder if Jade comes across as cloying and condescending as Feferi does to her friends? Is she afraid that she does?

https://homestuck.com/story/2853

If we’re paying attention to these particular conversations because of the Trolls’ preoccupations with the same things that the characters are anxious and preoccupied about is any indication, Jade’s psyche is in way worse condition than just about anybody’s right now.

What I’m saying here is that the Trolls almost certainly contact the kids and have far more conversations in general than we get to see - Act 5 has already started to play around with skipping conversations and interactions that aren’t mission critical, and only paying attention to the ones that are relevant to the overall character arcs.

Karkat contacts Jade and airs the grievances that she’s currently feeling internally - Karkat all but literally is Jade’s monster headache. The two of them are frustrated over their sleeping situation and have had the exact same response to encountering the Dark Gods.

Jade is, in pretty short order, going to have to confront the same self-loathing and anger issues that Karkat has too, and this conversation serves as an immediate prelude to that.

And while it’s a pretty short line, Karkat is right - Jade suddenly understands Jack Shit.

Prospit’s destruction has completely shattered her expectations.

https://homestuck.com/story/2868

Wow! And just like that, those anger issues come right to the surface. Jade is noticeably nastier to John than she’s ever been to just about anybody but Karkat in this conversation!

https://homestuck.com/story/2880

Jade and John are task-focused, and don’t really talk much with each other about what’s going on inside of their heads - they talk about the events that are happening to them, and what they’re doing.

Which is to say that of the pair Problems and Feelings, Prospit Dreamers are more about Problems, and Derse Dreamers are probably more about feelings.

https://homestuck.com/story/2887

Now that we’re getting a chance to know the real Jade, one of the character traits I’m immediately finding she shares in common with Feferi is their sort of motherly disapproval of their friends’ choices - one of the conversations I’ve had recently with some friends about this (including @bladekindeyewear) has pegged one of Jade’s flaws as being “smothering” and it comes out in the way that she dunks on John’s preferences.

I’m going to show my ass here a little by making this reference, but it reminds me of Rarity from Friendship is Magic just a tiny bit. Maybe Rarity is a Witch too, although of what Aspect, I wouldn’t be able to tell you right now.

https://homestuck.com/story/2922

It’s extremely easy to forget that Rose pretty much unilaterally decided on the behalf of the rest of the team, more or less without consulting them, to sabotage their game of Sburb, and while it was always destined to fail, the fact that Rose chooses to destroy the game instead of playing the game is suggestive of the fact that she bears some level of accountability for the misfortunes throughout.

I’m not trying to play the blame game so much as I am trying to draw connections to help explain why I see Rose and Vriska as being fairly alike, and not just by merit of being Light Players, but also in terms of the role that they play in Act 5 - they are both manipulating and organizing timeline events in order to get the other players to do things that are contrary to their seeming interests, neither of them listens to the pleas of the people who love them to stop, and their actions ultimately lead to (at least temporary) catastrophe.

Rose is dangerous to herself and her team, and she doesn’t much care.

Or she at least tries hard not to feel too bad about it while having serious and obvious misgivings about her own actions. Knowing that there is a problem and ignoring it anyone is like looking at your face in the mirror and immediately turning away and forgetting what your face looks like.

https://homestuck.com/story/2927

And with that, we’ll pause for the evening. Not as many pages as usual, but a hell of a lot of text.

Cam signing off, Alive and not Alone.

#liveblogging #commentary

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paceywittergayboatman · 3 years

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Pacey and Dawson Gay Subtext at end of Dawson creek season 6

The last two episodes of Dawson's Creek don't make sense if you view without queer subtext. Meaning from a subtextual point of view it isn't what happened in Dawson's creek rather Dawson's tv show. And while that something worth explaining it's not what this meta is about. However, I am not here to talk about that rather the two episodes before that and two scenes of pacey and Dawson that directly address the gay subtext.

In the first scene I am gong to talk about which is in episode 6 21. Pacey has revealed that he lost Dawson’s money and gay chaos occurs.

Pacey: Actually, Jo, um... why don't you hang out for a second, 'cause you're gonna have to hear this sooner or later anyway.

Dawson: What's goin' on? Are you ok?

Pacey: Man, and we were just gettin' back to be friends, too. It's such a shame to ruin that. Dawson: What are you talking about? What would ruin it?

Pacey: Money. Money would ruin it.

Dawson: W-what happened?

Pacey: It's gone. Your money's gone, my money's gone, some guy on long island's money is gone

Dawson: What--what do you mean gone? That was all the money that I had.

Pacey: I know it was, Dawson, and I honestly thought Stepatech was gonna take off, I swear to you.

Dawson: Right. Yeah, o-of course. Otherwise why would you blatantly ignore my request to sell the stock?

Pacey: Man, I was just tryin' to do the right thing.

Dawson: Ah, damn it, Pacey, this [Joey is standing awkwardly in the middle of this looking back from one to the other with tears beginning to well up in her eyes]

Dawson: [Dawson sighs] You're always tryin' to do the right thing. You're always so eager to be the hero, you never quite see all the pieces of the puzzle.

One of Pacey's character flaws is that he wants to save everyone because he never felt safe at home as a child and Dawson who has known him since he was ten knows this very well. Also, he referring to when Pacey dated Joey and broke his heart.

Pacey: Dawson... you came to me with your dream because you thought I could help make something of it, and somehow this comes back yet again to the fact that I screwed you over?

Joey: Ok, you know what, you two? Let's just stick to the topic at hand. Ok, so we can just solve this problem by going inside and trying to get calm... and we'll talk about it.

Dawson: Joey, talking about this is not gonna solve anything.

Joey hasn't quite figured out Dawson and Pacey are having a lovers quarrel and just wants them to get along.

Joey: What are you talking about?

Pacey: He means it's not about money. So fine then, let's just talk about what's really goin' on here.

Joey: You know what? I see no reason to drudge up baggage from the past just to fill in the moment, Pacey. I mean, let's remember something. This exchange between you and Dawson is purely a business exchange, and I think we need to remember to keep it at that.

Dawson: She's right. It is business between us, 'cause god knows we haven't been best friends in a long time, have we?

Pacey: No, we certainly have not.

Dawson: You wanna know why we're not friends, pace? It's not because of what happened with Joey, even though that turned my world upside down. It's because from that day forward, I realized that you hadn't been my friend for... maybe quite some time, 'cause the second you made us competitors

The first, really important thing here is that Pacey dating Joey turned Dawson's world upside down. Dawson is kinda saying here that compulsory heterosexuality made them competitors. But also that they lived their lives trying to reach higher achievements than the other. Although I don't think this is true. I think Pacey thinks of Dawson as the man he's eternally trying to be better than so he doesn't have to admit he's in love with Dawson.

Pacey: That I made us competitors? No. No. Now--now you're rewriting history, Dawson.

Dawson: I remember when my best friend had a choice and chose to turn his back on me. If you'd ever stopped settin' us up against each other, you woulda realized that you and I are not that far apart.

Pacey really broke his heart he betrayed Dawson in Dawson’s eyes. He just reiterating what I said early about being competitors.

Pacey: Ah, spare me the speech. You are not gonna convince me that our world's... are anything alike. You're just upset because I broke outta mine.

Dawson: Broke out of yours? How? By putting on a suit and slavin' away at something that doesn't even interest you? You made money. Congratulations. You impressed us all.

The putting on a suit line is reference to the way Pacey’s job is referred to a costume as in performance of Heterosexuality specifically under a capitalist environment.

Pacey: How dare you. You know nothing about me, man. I was good at my job.

Dawson: Then why am I broke?

Pacey: Because that's life! I didn't make that choice! I have lost, literally, everything! What do you want from me, man? Does this make you happy, that you're back on top now? I mean, you always liked it better when you were in charge, so is this what you wanted? Does this make it all right?

Dawson can be controling and self centered and Pacey knows that very well. Also you always liked it better when you were in charge has homoerotic undertones.

Dawson: You don't wanna know me, pace. You wrote me off a long time ago.

Pacey: Really? Really? Back when we were the best of friends? When we were brothers? Was I just outta the house every time you tried to call me over the last 3 years?

Again Pacey broke Dawson heart by dating joey

Joey: Ok, can you guys just stop it? I can't stand here and listen to you guys do this anymore

. Pacey: I didn't mean to lose your money. I didn't know that that would happen. I'm sorry.

Dawson: Yeah, so am I. This-- this was just a big mistake from the beginning, I guess.

Pacey: Heh. Ok.

One more very importamt scene from this episode. Joeys goes to talk to Pacey after the fight.

Joey: You ok, Pace?

Pacey: You don't have to do this.

Joey: Do what?

Pacey: Sit out here with me. I know you'd rather be in the house with Dawson, so why do you just go and help him lick his wounds?

Joey: Things never change here, do they?

Pacey: No... because these are the roles we were destined to play.

The roles he refering to our heterosexuality.

Joey: No, Pace, these are the roles we chose to play. I mean, look at us, sitting out here on this dock in front of the same house we've been haunting for years. We're practically ghosts of our former selves, and honestly, I don't think anyone really remembers what they're mad about anymore.

Joey saying some very important things in here. One that the theses roles(heterosexuality) are things that they are choosing because then they don’t have to admit there gay. However I don’t quite she understood that Pacey broke Dawson’s heart.

Pacey: Mm, I wouldn't be so sure about that.

Pacey is still thinking like a straight man.

Joey: Pacey, if I wanted to go back into that house, I would've gone a long time ago. Don't you know me at all by now?

Pacey: Well, I don't want you sitting here feeling sorry for me. Joey: I don't feel sorry for you. I feel for you, Pacey.

Pacey: [Sighs] Joey: God, can't you ever tell the difference?

Pacey: I don't know. [Sighs] I don't know, because you and I have had a very confusing run of things. Especially lately.

Joey: [Scoffs] Ok. You know, and no matter how much I love you or how long I stay with you, you're only gonna remember the moments when I leave.

Pacey: Well, you gotta give me that much, because those are pretty much the most painful moments in my life.

Joey: That's because you ask for them, Pacey. I'm sorry. You do. Your whole life, you spend so much time expecting the worst that you don't even notice the moments when people are loving you, and, Pacey, people spend a lot of time loving you.

Pacey: Well... with all due respect, Jo, my best friend just walked away from me, but that's not even the worst of it. The worst thing is he hasn't even really known me for the last 3 years, so please, clarify that for me. How does that qualify me as a man with a support network?

Thing haven’t been the same since Dawson broke Paceys heart. Joey doesn’t even matter if he cant have Dawson.

Joey: Well, you have a person sitting right here, don't you? But of course, that's not enough. Not until you let it.

She never be enough because he’s in love with Dawson

Pacey: In what world do I have you? Joey: Look, just because I don't fit into that... place you want me to doesn't mean there's not a place for me, Pacey.

Pacey: [Sighs]

Joey: Does it?

Pacey: Joey, this isn't your fight, anyway. Joey: You're right. You're right. It's not my fight because it's been over for a really long time, Pacey, [Sighs] And it is up to you to make it right.

She telling him to go fight for Dawson. He needs to repair his relatonship with Dawson.

Pacey: I don't know how to make it right.

Joey: Well, you're gonna have to figure it out. You know, that's the thing about ghosts. They say that... they don't leave until they're at peace with what they left undone.

So now were on to the last scene of 621 in which Pacey and Dawson talk. Pacey has collected money for Dawson’s movie.

Scene: The ruins. Dawson is there waiting, when Pacey comes walking up and notices Dawson and knows that he has been duped. And goes to walk over to join Dawson.]

Pacey: Hey. Dawson: Hey. What are you doin' here?

Pacey: Uh, the same thing you are, I'd suppose.

Dawson: Actually, I came here to meet Pacey: Meet with Joey? Yeah, so did I.

Dawson: I get it. [Sighs] Joey potter: Amateur peace broker.

Pacey: [Sighs] Dawson: So where is she?

Pacey: I don't know, but I'd say that she is probably not coming. I think she has this kooky notion that you and I are gonna work this out between ourselves.

Dawson: Well, that's... not gonna happen.

Pacey: Yeah, I know. That's what I told her, but we're talkin' about a girl who's never really listened to a single word that either you or I has ever told her, and I did, I said it to her, I said, "look, Jo, things will never be the same between Dawson and I." She doesn't listen to me. You know her, she's stubborn, that girl.

Dawson: [Sighs] Well, if she's not comin', I'm gonna take off. I've got somewhere to be.

Pacey: Hold on for one second. [Sighs] Look, you said some pretty crappy things the other day.

Dawson: Yeah. So did you.

Pacey: Yes, I did. And I meant them 100%.

Dawson: I know, so did I, pace, and that's the thing, I don't know how we get past that.

Pacey: Well, maybe we don't. Maybe that's the point that we just don't get past it, we realize that... we can't go back to the way things used to be, and there's nothing we can do about that 'cause the guys that we are now are worlds apart from the guys that we were back then. The only tie that really binds us together is the fact that we still love the same woman.

So the bottom line of what Pacey saying is that they aren’t the same kids who broke each other hearts. Also the line about the same woman is the compulsory heterosexaltiy talking.

Dawson: [Sighs] It always comes back to that, doesn't it?

Pacey: Yes, it does. Yes, it does, and you know what? I don't really regret a single second that I spent with her, and I'm guessing you don't either. In fact, I really consider us pretty lucky... that a--a woman like that would give either one of us the time of day.

They love her she there bestfriend. And there honored to love her and have her in there lives.

Dawson: You know, it makes sense.

Pacey: What does?

Dawson: Why it never worked out for either one of us. All we wanted was her. So much so that we destroyed our friendship... and in the end, all she ever wanted was for us to be friends again.

Joey is a lesbian and was never interested in either of them romantically. They were suffering do to comphet and convinced themselves they wanted her. They were in love and Pacey broke Dawson’s heart by dating Joey.

Pacey: Ok, I'm gonna ask you this once, and then I promise you I'll never ask it again. Is it possible?

Dawson: For us to be friends again? [he thinks then smiles] Anything's possible.

Everytime Dawson and Pacey get in a gay fight they do the interaction above. It’s cute but its also flirty and it reads as can we get back to together more than can we be friends. They love each other and even though they fight they never really give up on there love. Anything’s possible is kind of like there cute little make up thing they do when they fight. The use of anything implys never ending and by extension an eternal love. It’s romantic and also in the actually scene they have eye sex and its very gay. This like them admiting that there in love, they removed Joey from the context of there own relationship and basically said there love is eternal its a great ending to there relationship.

Pacey: Fair enough. Look, uh, this is for you. [Pacey hands Dawson the envelope with the money.]

Dawson: What's this? Pacey: Well, I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of going to several local businessmen and asking them if they'd like to invest in a very promising young filmmaker, and, by and large, they were all very receptive, though there was this one dentist, and I don't know how she got this in her head, but she seems to think she's an actress, so you might have to give her a little role, like a cameo at most. Just warnin' ya.

Dawson: Thank you. Pacey: Don't mention it.

So we end the story of Pacey and Dawson on three important points :Joey is a lesbian, Pacey and Dawson are forever in love and they don’t need have the relationship they had when they were kids they can just be boyfriends.

#dacey #dawson x pacey #pacey x dawson #dawson leery #pacey witter #dawsons creek

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kpop-bg-roleplay · 3 years

Text

(I've decided to send all of our replies in one here for an overview so far! The rest of our rp is going through asks!)

Finding the same nine people you were joking around during the day, carrying weaponry and dealing with drugs in a dimly lit alley way was more than a shock to your system. The first to acknowledge your presence was Hyerin, and holy hell did her expression carry a complete 180' from how she looked that morning. Was this really the same person? "Elise, what are you doing snooping around? The night is a dangerous place."

-----

"I was about to go home actually", I answered her while holding my grocery bag slightly tighter in my hands at the scene in front of me. "What did you do to those people?", I asked the whole as my body language showed tensed up shoulders, ragged breath, pupils widened and having an even more paled up face than usually. The scene in front of me could be out of a crime scene. Bodies on the ground and only the guys I've called my so called friends standing in the middle of it.

------

All she did was look at Hongjoong, who immediately caught onto what she was thinking about and ordered the others to get back in the group car. Joining his right-hand, Hongjoong rolled his eyes, "None of your business, unless you'd rather get scarred."

------

"Alright. I've never seen anything", I asked him as I morphed my face completely blank despite my stiff posture before looking behind me briefly and then making my way, passing the car while only shaking my head in dissappointment at Hyerin.

------

They had no other business that night, and returned to the car before Seonghwa drove back to the cafe. Sighing as they all walked inside, Yunho needed very little incentive to gather intel on you; you had found them out - in a way - after all.

------

"I'm home", I called out and walking inside my house to sort my groceries inside the fridge. I didn't hear anything besides the Amazon Echo greeting me back. Walking inside the living room to turn the lights on, with a beer glass in my hand I then went ahead to recall the memories of what happened a few hours ago. The bodies on the ground, Hyerin and the others being completely different from how I know them and knowing now that they're somehow involved in something criminal, I've decided to stay away from them as good as possible.

------

Finding your location, then everything else about you was easy. Yunho scoffed as he made his way through your systems, who actually kept Echoes? Especially when they're such easy targets. Yeosang couldn't have agreed more as he rerouted through the smart devices in your home, the data falling in his lap like candy. Meanwhile, Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Hyerin were in the leader's office discussing what they would do with you. Leave you and possibly risk having you reveal them to the police, or keep you under watch.

------

"And... another night alone with no friends to help me finish my food from yesterday", I sighed softly to myself as I looked at the time and walking upstairs to the attic. I opened the door to reveal hundreds rolls of paintings I've been doing in the past. When you walk upstairs, you can smell the plastic mixed in with a white substance called C17H21NO4 or for the Day to Day person between us, Cocaine. I use that particular powder in my paintings, hidden in the pigments and the paper that can be used to smoke it as a cigarette or joint. I've had some encounters indirectly with the dealers from BigHit and Pledis but had managed to keep my name clean up until now. I've started early with selling it in the black market as dupes for certain museums. The actual thieves swapped them out with mine and I can still see one of the not caught paintings in the next Art museum. Nobody has to know that unless they start to actually burn the paintings that most of these are priceless. I always have them in big jars that are labeled as Sugar and Flour, one being more intense than the other but the results are mostly the same.

The thing is, I started at the age of 15. I was stupid and unknowingly sold them online to finance my living expenses for some pocket money after my escape from the organization. Then I found out about it through an unknown source that works for those people and...here I am. Not even Hyerin knows about it, because I always lock the attic and most people wouldn't be assuming that there are illegal drug paintings in there in the first place anyways. She never seemed to be interested in it and asked me questions.

Here I am, making sure that my newest painting gets sold online as the address is always changing in alphabetical order. It can't be the same route as it's another drug dealers territory and he's a scary bulky man that I ALMOST broke his nose when we were talking the first time I've put it in there. I got away with a few bruises anyways, no big deal.

A few days since then passed after the encounter that they're in the mafia and I kept my distance with each member of Hyerins friend group. I went the other way when I heard familiar steps, excuse myself from attending classes and turning in my assignments online, and I ignored Hyerins texts and calls as good as I can. But...the Mafia people are persistent more than the scam callers or mild inconveniences on the street to make you donate to a charity.

I heard my bell ring one night on a Saturday, while I was finishing my painting for the night. I kept the door to my attic open and walking downstairs with my mask on before opening up. Well, it wasn't for sure the neighbors that got my packages or the delivery guy I've been waiting on for 20 minutes. It's them. And I immediately tried to close the door shut.

------

A week's worth of research, intelligence gathering and hacking on part of Yunho and Yeosang had paid off. And they weren't in the mood to be patient. In silent agreement, Seonghwa and Mingi kicked the door down together, the group walking in with a beyond intimidating presence. "Gather everything of value, I want to see this place ransacked, understand?" Hongjoong ordered, no room in his tone for debate. Hyerin seemed to have taken an interest in the jars, and began to walk towards you, "Interested in the world of narcotics, are we? How fascinating." Her words weren't scary on their own, but with a handgun in her hand and the more than evident danger she carried with her, Hyerin could induce a nightmarish fear in even the most hardened individuals.

------

"Do whatever you want, but if you want to take something... you have to pay for it first", I began saying and being to list all of the prices at each item they're holding, "You". I pointed at Mingi first who's holding my lamp, "I got it from Ikea for 25,99€ plus the light switch. You". I pointed to Hyerin as she's taking an interest in my jars of cocaine, "That includes highly concentrated cocaine and because it's opened it's going to be released in the air around us that will get us addicted. It's also 3000€ worth per kilograms. You." I then pointed at Yunho and Yeosang, "Individual paintings are worth 5000€ each, customized fakes are 10.000€ and up worth. The the ones you're holding are for my customers that pay lots of it and if you want to snatch it it's 40 Million€ worth. You". I pointed at San and Wooyoung carrying out my pigments, "I made these myself and they're mixed with the cocaine. I would say 500.000 in total and You." I pointed at Hongjoong and Seonghwa that is taking a sit on my couch, "390€ and 5.99€ each of the pillows. And lastly, you." I looked over Jongho with a tired sigh, "Please don't raid my fridge...". I sighed softly before doing the math in my head, "That'll be 4.518.421,98€, please. I take checks too". And despite being terrified of every member of the Mafia people, I managed to sit down on the couch to cross my arms over my chest. Until I got a gun against my temple, which made me raise an eyebrow. My forehead started to sweat, my hands got clammy and my throat dried up immensely but I took a deep breath to calm myself down. "What are you going to do with me once you took everything out of my house and killed me? I mean, I didn't tell anyone about your hidden secret,Hyerin. I've lived my life in peace and didn't meddle in on your business. Don't you think that I deserve a different death than a gun against my head?", I began to speak slowly and looking at her direction with a small smile despite her glaring that already killed me, "I want to be killed in a different way, not like that"

------

Maybe the three eldest of Ateez had a twisted sense of mercy, or maybe they were interested, but once Hongjoong had processed how much money you could possibly bring in, he was at Herin's side, whispering in her ear. With an amused smirk, Hyerin put the gun back in the holster and chuckled, "Since my friend here is so~ interested in your works, Hongjoong thinks I should let you go." Her laugh was dangerous, as she called for the the others to bring the artworks to the van. Walking to you, Hongjoong crossed his arms, "You'll make us quite a bit of profit, you'll be pretty useful with us. " He remarked, voice twinged with interest. How much could you make them? Well, that was for them to find out. And it would cost you absolute loyalty to the mafia, and Seonghwa was still unsure whether you'd be a good fit.

------

"I choose death please", I replied blankly and sighing softly as I immediately shake my head at their direction and pointing at Hyerins gun, "Please shoot me, or roll me over with your car or burn me alive. Anything to satisfy your twisted fake conceptions of sadism."

------

A dark, slightly seductive (well, to the others, with you, who knew?) chuckle fell from the other female in the room, as she ran her tongue over her lips. Fuck, that was hot. Sadism? That would her be middle name. "Oh, oh~ I haven't been in the Crimson ward in so long~ maybe I should give our little friend here a personal tour?" She taunted, flicking your chin with the tip of her nails. "I agree with Hongjoong, let's take this one with us."

------

"Careful, I bite", I played along with with her and holding her cheek gently to kiss her forehead lightly, "But I would rather go ahead and begin suicide than leaving my house in the middle of the night. I can't leave physically this place, unless you want me to paint ugly paintings that aren't worth lots of money? I wonder what would happen if I just killed myself now?"

------

Okay, you were a brave one. Amused, Hyerin pulled you to your feet by you collar and whispered, her breath fanning your neck, "From now on, your life is in my hands, understand that? And don't you worry about the quality, you'll have a much better studio for your art." She saw something in you, and she wanted to harness that. The other members had long since emptied the apartment of your artworks, and they were in the van. They'd definitely sell to the highest bidder, and my God there were crooked curators who'd kill to get hands on your art.

------

"Let me say goodbye before I go", I requested to her and gently taking her hands off my collar to take a few steps back. "Would you be kind and wait outside? I won't take long", I added with a small smile that seemed almost too forced but I refused to cry infront of anyone

------

"Very well. Make it quick, and don't you dare think about running." Hyerin replied simply, her arms folded at her chest. Reading emotions was no effort, and it was clear you had no intention of streaking your face with tears in their presence. Walking by the door, she gave you one last look before she stepped outside, silently ordering the soldiers in the other cars to surround the building. Trying to flee wouldn't be a good idea, nor would breaking the miniscule amount of trust Hyerin had granted you.

------

Walking to my room that I usually put in my clothes in my luggage, I somehow played it off with no suspicion whatsoever for now. Taking out a piece of paper to then start writing a note to people who are going to be searching for me, at least I hoped that someone would care about me in my friend group. I sighed softly as I kept it short and simple to write down a simple note of me being taken away to a remote place for awhile. Wiping my tears away from my eyes as I hide the note in between the broken cracks of the house, I walked out of my room to do a last room tour to then join the group again. "My luggage, here's also my ID... I don't think I need it anymore from now on", I mumbled and avoiding their eyes as good as I can while handing my belongings to them. Walking over to the trunk, I willingly climb in to avoid talking to anyone as good as possible.

------

By the time you stepped inside the trunk, the others had all piled in and were more than just a little impatient to get back. Taking the wheel, Seonghwa pressed his foot on the gas and soon you found yourself on the way back to the...cafe? The Twilight Cafe was probably the most innocent looking cafe on the street, and that's where they were returning to?

What?

Parking round the back, the members all filed out, entering the cafe and taking a seat. The three eldest remained, ordering the soldiers to bring your belongings into the main part of the building, and Hongjoong pulled you out of the trunk, a bored stare in his eyes.

"You'll be escorted to the living quarters. Don't cause any trouble; I'm not looking to get my gun out right now."

------

"Yes, Sir", I replied in a small whisper, following the people inside while keeping a straight face. I couldn't even hide my stiff posture, how I'm holding my hands behind my back as if I'm a prisoner and the bloodied underlip that I've bit on the whole time. It didn't help my situation at this point on how my stomach started to rumble loudly during the ride and how nauseated I'm feeling due to motion sickness.

I didn't look around the cafe at all, too scared to anger even more people and knowing that I'm not going to get my freedom back at all is the worst thing that could be happening to a human being. I know that I'm fucked at this point. Sometimes I wished to be not able to draw or paint, maybe then I'd be a normal person with a bright future.

'I want this nightmare to end already... please help me', I thought to myself almost desperately and started to pray in my head already. I'm thinking of ending my life at this point, ending the pain and start somewhere new. I think it's out of question right now and the pressure only pumped up my adrenaline rush in my system. My survival instincts are tingling and my heart beats even louder than a hammer against a wall.

The steps stopped ultimately, and I snapped out of my trance. It's a small room, enough to sleep in and change your clothes. Plus an attached bathroom, that didn't have security cameras. I'm slightly thankful for it at least, they give me the privacy to an extent. I didn't think much of what happened afterwards, nodding along the order for tomorrow and I was finally alone. Alone as I can get, at least.

So I quickly walked inside the bathroom to get everything out of my system and let my guard down. I cried in silence, hugging my knees and hiding behind my hands to muffle out my sobs. "I want to...go home", I whispered gently to myself and swallowing thickly, my body started to shake violently due to the pressure. I'm currently having a panic attack and I couldn't control it entirely. For some reason, I managed to pass out on the bed, shaking violently to the core and desperately trying to stay conscious to not cause even more problems.

------

Once you had been escorted from the initial cafe space, Hyerin immediately got up, getting her phone to discuss the latest findings with the financial heads at KQ -one of which she was a deputy to. There was much to discuss. And she'd definitely have to work overnight to draft up a reasonable report to KQ.

Among all the staff that walked around the complex, one stood out. Younger than Ateez's youngest, a high rank that almost rivalled Ateez themselves. With a tablet in hand, she walked through the dorms until she arrived at your rooms, a mutter of 'this wasn't used before...' coming from her.

She entered your room, making no announcement that she was entering. Maybe she had received similar training to the mafia members themselves, because her presence was palpable in the air. She tsked when she saw your condition, placing her tablet on the windowsill and walked over to you.

"Come to your senses, you've been brought here and you need to hurry up and accept it. Now what's you name? I have to provide KQ with accurate reports."

------

"Elise Liddell, Ma'am. I would appreciate it if I could use this night to eventually finish my mental break down until tomorrow morning", I answered her as quickly as possible, almost making it sound that I've rapped and my still shaking body leaning towards the cold wall. Wiping my tears away from my eyes, I avoided her gaze despite listening to her instructions intensely. "I'm just an ordinary artist, my paintings aren't real to be original.", I continued further, then quieting down as I don't want to spill out more information about myself and why I'm even doing my current profession as follows. 'Over my dead body, I'll be free in no time, even if I have to plot against them somehow', I thought, straightening my posture and eventually looking at the person nearby the windowsill. "What am I supposed to do tomorrow morning? I have to go to college and I don't want to be raising suspicion over my disappearence that soon", I asked her, coughing slightly as the crying made me thirsty, yet knowing that those bastards are going to love it to see me dying of dehydration soon.

------

The girl almost laughed. Almost. Scoffing, she tilted her head and gave you an overly sweet smile. But her eyes held something much, much more dangerous. "I'm not going to stop your precious little mental breakdown, go right ahead~."

The very idea that Ateez had someone as young as the girl in front of you working with them definitely seemed off. Shouldn't she at least be in school? Reaching for her tablet, she was quiet for a moment before meeting your eyes.

"Ateez will take care of that. If you require something to drink I will put in a notice for the staff to provide a water dispenser."

------

"The absence of me entering college should be because I got either pregnant and have to leave due to my VISA or because I'm going back to Germany to fulfill one of the courses there. Any other reason isn't acceptable at all", I sighed softly and nodding slowly at the water dispenser for my casual use. "Anything else that I need to know?"

------

All she did was roll her eyes. It wasn't her problem, neither did she care. Whatever excuse they came up with would have to be the one you accepted. "You're not to enter Hongjoong, Seonghwa or Hyerin's office without letting either them or myself know beforehand." About to continue, her focus is drawn to someone calling her name.

"Minnie, you're needed in Seonghwa's office."

"Okay Kai, I'll be there."

At least you knew her name. Leaving the room and shutting the door behind her, you were left to your own devices, and thoughts, again.

------

'If she's going to tell them what excuse they should use in order to get me out of there, they also don't know who I'm close in contact too.', I thought to myself, drinking the water that Kai brought earlier to then walk to the bathroom and using some of the time to clean myself up as good as possible. The room had my luggage inside and instead of hyperventilating the whole time, I looked straight at the camera to flip off with my perfectly long nails to the person who watches me now. The ordering process of my stuff, made me calm down just a little bit, despite the shaky hands and the low blood pressure I'm feeling on my body the whole time. I sighed softly to myself, taking out my Notebook to write down the first informations about today.

----

Holy shit I forgot how long our responses were. Also I am practically gonna include eveny group I stan in this plot.

The rest of the complex was active, like a city that never slept. Throughout the night, footsteps rang through the building, staff - and some of Ateez themselves - working the night shift, keeping all operations stable. One location in particular that was lit up like daylight was the camera and intel rooms, where Yunho was asleep on a bed in the back, while Yeosang watched the moniters with his team, rolling his eyes as he checked the camera in your room. Thank God he’d only have to keep that camera installed for another few weeks. Watching new arrivals for their three month probation period was a pain, and more often than not he left the task to some unsuspecting staff. And that’s exactly what he did.

“Hey, Yang Jungwon, watch our new arrival, I need a smoke break.”

“Y-Yes Sir!”

#roleplay prompt #prompt #submission #thisisnoteuropeanstyle #ateez #ot8 #oc #x y/n #mafia au #tw smoking #smoking tw #smoking

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thevengeanceuniverse · 4 years

Text

Truce? Ch 2.

The PR team planned their dates, making sure they were seen regularly going to coffee shops and galas, all the regular things that someone dating Tony Stark would attend.

Bucky struggled to adjust to his new level of fame, followed everywhere he went by people who insisted on shoving cameras in his face and asking for quotes on how his relationship is going. To this day, he didn’t understand how “Fine” or “Good” was a bad answer. The PR people kept telling him to be brief, but positive. What was negative about good?

Tony found his discomfort hilarious and took great joy in taking him to events filled with folks that his company did business with—and 200 of their closest friends. They would go around, making introductions to get Bucky familiar with the people that inhabited Tony’s world and engage in small talk. Tony’s favourite game was when someone would say something along the lines of “And recently, I’ve been devoting time to the exploration of blah blah blah,” and Tony would jump in with, “You know who loves blah blah blah? Bucky! Why don’t you tell them all about your own progress, sweetheart?”

And Bucky would have to rapidly come up the details of a fake interest in tree pruning or velocity equations or non-Indians trying to cleanse their chakras through their navel—or whatever else they decided to talk about.

All he wanted to do was get out of the uncomfortable bow ties and into some fluffy socks and sweatpants, curling up with Steve to watch Finding Nemo and dreaming about sea turtles. Instead, he was going through his own personal nightmare, talking to people he had no interest in—who were much too invested in talking about themselves.

After a few of these events, Tony quickly lost interest in Bucky’s impressive ability to adapt and decided that if they had to go on dates anyway, they might as well go somewhere actually fun. Two days later, he dragged Bucky to a trampoline park a little upstate from the city, which of course they had to rent out for the afternoon to prevent being mobbed by a crowd of Tony Stark fans (the Bucky Barnes fans were laying low on account of the controversy).

The park was housed in a huge building with various areas of trampoline activities for them to try out, from the wide-open space meant for being your best acrobatic self, to basketball hoops and the dodgeball courts. On one side, there was an entire glass wall to let in the light and looked over the green hill the park sat on. It would be beautiful if the view wasn’t covered by the eyes of the world that were watching them, pressed against the translucent surface and fogging it up with their hot breath.

Bucky now knew what it was like to be a goldfish trapped in a glass tank and hated it, but at least it meant that they were getting the attention they needed to.

“Okay Barnes, here’s the deal.” Tony stood in front of the obstacle course with his hands propped on his hips, clad in a stretchy t-shirt and tights with the sheer material at the bottom to show off his legs to perfection. Even when working out, Tony Stark was the epitome of style.

“If I beat you to the other side of the course, you have to dance to a song of my choosing. Right here, in front of everyone.” He gestured expansively to include the staff and their crowd of watchers, all of whom had their phones out to catch the play by play of the Stark-Barnes date.

Bucky’s browed furrowed. “I don’t dance.”

“Exactly,” Tony replied, a smirk twisting his lips. “Don’t worry, I’ll take the same bet. You’ll get me to perform anything you want if you win.”

Bucky looked over the course again, knowing that he could easily make his way across without even breaking a sweat. It would be unfair, but even as he silently acknowledged the fact of his physical advantage, he couldn’t help but think of having the snarky genius dance like a chicken in front of their hordes of admirers.

That would be a photo highlight worth saving.

“Fine,” he agreed, already tasting his victory. “I’ll take the bet.”

They lined up at the starting point, a staff member at the beginning with a stopwatch to time them and another standing at the end, ready to declare the winner the moment someone reached the finish line.

The one at the start line, nametag marked Sarah, raised a paper towel in mimicry of a checked flag. “3, 2,1, GO!” The towel dropped and they were off.

Bucky launched himself on the first obstacle, slanted braces that were spaced a foot away from each other on opposite sides. Shifting his weight, he skipped from one side to the next like an intense game of hopscotch and jumped forward to the net. Scaling its rough surface quickly, he pulled himself up and over and made his way to the next part, a wall that he made his way across by shimmying sideways and using the handholds provided.

It came to a tiny ledge at the end and he stood balanced in a crab-like squat, angling his body and propelling it upward to grab the bar hanging from the top of the obstacle course cage. Using his momentum to trapeze swing forward, he reached out and grab the rope when it came into reach, Tarzaning his way to the platform that led to the next obstacle.

Pausing there for a bare moment, he looked back to see where Tony was. He hadn’t gone through the obstacles as easily as Bucky, but he was still determinably keeping up. Bucky watched as he swung back and forth on the bar to build up the momentum for the leap, adjusting for his shorter height so he wouldn’t fall short of reaching the rope.

Not looking to see if he made it, Bucky stepped forward on the tire swings. balancing on its ridiculous bumpy ride to move from one to the other. He got into the swing of it, making sure to soar forward and leapt before one tire hit the other and sent them both careening in opposite directions.

Halfway through, he heard clanking from above and looked up to see Tony, who instead of following the path of the course, had decided to use the rope to pull himself up to the ceiling of the cage. He weaved along the bars, moving quickly across them in a feat of frightening agility.

Bucky swore when Tony moved past him, speeding up and outright leaping from the last tire to the next platform that preceded the rope walk. They were neck and neck at this point, but Tony leapt from up top a split second before Bucky, reaching ground and beating him.

“You cheated,” Bucky accused.

“Did I though?” Tony grinned unrepentantly, taking a long drink from his water bottle and savouring his win. “The deal was that whoever made it to the other side of the course first was the winner. I didn’t say anything about having to make it through all the obstacles.”

“That’s c h e a t i n g,” Bucky emphasized slowly, wanting to shake the genius now that the reality of his being duped sunk in.

“Eh, potato, potahto. Now,” Tony rubbed his hands together gleefully and pulled out his phone, “time for the penalty.”

“Okay, Stark,” Bucky said, striding over to Tony and grabbing his phone out of his hand, “I’ll dance for you. But since you cheated, I’m choosing the music.” Tony tried to snatch his phone back, but Bucky simply held him back with the metal hand and pushed him away.

Tony grimaced, “Way to suck all the fun out of it, Elsa.” But he didn’t protest as Bucky choose the song and asked the mobile version of JARVIS to play it through the speakers of the park.

“Trust me, Tony, I’ll make sure you enjoy yourself,” Bucky whispered the last bit in Tony’s ear as he pulled him in close, arm braced against Tony’s back and the other grasping his in a firm hold.

As if on cue, the opening strains of Dean Martin’s “Sway” started filtering through the park, the dramatic flourishes at the beginning matching the shift in Bucky. His posture tensed in preparation and his eyes hooded, intense focus directed utterly on Tony.

“You know how to tango?” Tony asked, shocked, as he was pressed into Bucky’s body, feet between each other neatly as if they were meant to be this close always.

“Don’t you?” Bucky challenged and unable to resist, Tony let his lessons from long ago take over his body, letting Bucky hold his body close while they fought for ground in the seductive dance.

He let Bucky direct him, but he made sure that he was just as an active participant. If Bucky spun him, he let his hands slide across the breadth of his chest. If Bucky moved him across the floor in a smooth sway, he leaned his head close as if to press a kiss to his lips before letting his body twist into an artful bend.

Pulling away briefly, Tony let his body fall into a kneeling dip, not resisting when Bucky knelt behind him and his arms came back around Tony, skin touching skin when their movement dragged his shirt upward exposed Tony to the warmth of Bucky’s hands.

Somewhere along the way, they lose all awareness of the staff around them, the crowd watching from the windows, everything but the press of their bodies together, the momentum of the spin. All that existed was the sound of the music that guided them, the crooning of Dean Martin mixed with guitar strings and violins.

They forget that it’s not real.

Ch 3 on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25622497?view_full_work=true

#consider reblogging if you like?#winterironshield #stuckony #fake dating #post-civil war #enemies to lovers #stony #stucky #winteriron #vengeanceworks #fanfiction #fanfic

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kenrik · 4 years

Text

Taek’s Heartbreaks (!spoilers!)

I just watched Reply 1988. And to say it’s my favorite kdrama is an understatement. I honestly don’t regret watching it this late. I’m just glad I finally did.

I’m making this post, in fresh heartbreak, because while I love every character on the show, I’ve always shipped Duk Seon with Taek. And it pains me that everyone I know rooted for Jung Hwan, quotes his pain more, as if Taek never went through the same heartbreaks. They both did. And that’s why by Episode 18, you both see them looking longingly where Duk Seon left them.

(Ep. 18)

They loved each other so much that they couldn’t bare the thought of hurting each other over this. They didn’t have to speak to each other. With a look, they knew just how deeply the other fell for the same person. They were in the same situation - smitten, in love with a girl just a little too much.

Deciding to give up pursuing Duk Seon meant someone else would have her. And they would be able to do nothing but watch.

Throughout the show, we’ve followed every step of Jung Hwan’s first love. We saw him fall for her. We saw him care for her. We saw him chase after her. And we saw him lose her. But, with Taek, we didn’t share the same journey. We didn’t watch him fall, care for her, nor chase after her. The narrative of the show is skewed to JH’s perspective. And, while this showed us how kind and generous JH is, even though he has a stoic, sometimes mean, demeanor, the audience failed to see how much Taek stumbled and fell over his first love.

Getting the girl doesn't mean you never went through the same shitty experience; getting the girl doesn’t take away from the fact that you had your heart broken.

Taek was never meant to end up with Duk Seon. He was an active subject. He wasn’t waiting around for that time the girl decides to be with him. He laid himself bare more ways than one. And he got hurt on multiple occasions.

In Episode 18, Taek withdrew from a match. He drove to Duk Seon. And he ran as fast as he could to get to her. Although this is just once instance, I can definitely picture him stumble back and forth - just for a chance to be with her; especially as busy adults whose schedules coincide less than before.

Taek ending up with Duk Seon means so much more than meets the eye; so, I’ve made a list of every scene/time we’ve overlooked Taek and Duk Seon’s relationship, in an attempt to show their heartbreak and struggles.

The main points I want to make are: 1. Taek has always been in love with Duk Seon, ever since he can remember. 2. Duk Seon falls in love with Taek in her last year in high school. And yet, she rejects him.

1. As early as Episode 6, Taek already planned on confessing to Duk Seon.

(Ep. 6)

In this scene, while the camera focuses on Duk Seon, Sun Woo, Jung Hwan, and you hear Dong Ryong in the background, Taek’s presence isn’t felt. You totally forget about him in this scene, as I did when I watched it. It basically represents how oblivious Duk Seon is of Taek.

When Taek leaves the baduk academy later in the episode, the first thing he notices is the falling snow. And he calls Duk Seon before anything else - to invite her to a movie - because she said, “Confess, on the day of the first snowfall.”

(Ep. 6)

While DS was consumed with Sun Woo (and the audience, with JH), Taek was sitting beside her, thinking the notion of confessing attractive. Even as early as this episode, we see how often he’s thought of Duk Seon.

And it was heartbreaking re-watching this scene, now knowing how much Taek was in love with Duk Seon when she never knew. Even in the present day scenes as a married couple, he still tells her that she still doesn’t know the extent of just how much he’s always loved her.

2. Every time Duk Seon treats him like a little brother, a woman, a pushover, basically, everything other than a romantic prospect.

When I started watching Reply 1988, I was very confused. Because once Sun Woo stopped being a romantic prospect for Duk Seon, it seemed very clear to me that she’d end up with Jung Hwan.

In the earlier episodes, it was hard for me to believe Taek even liked DS. He seemed like a “I’m happy being with my friends” type of guy; and DS was just that to him - a friend.

Throughout the show, DS has always treated Taek the same, even to the point when they met at the Lee Seung Hwan concert - like an overprotective older sister, like an overly protective friend.

In several scenes, Duk Seon has thought of him back and forth as a:

- little brother:

(Ep. 14 - Here, Taek sees Duk Seon treat her little brother like how she treats him - like a little brother.)

- an innocent kid:

(Ep. 14)

- (implied) a woman:

(Ep. 10)

- and a pushover:

(Ep. 10)

- a pushover (who’s done for lmao):

(Ep. 12)

This personality the young Duk Seon projects of Taek is a defense mechanism of an immature girl who isn’t aware of her own feelings; who doesn’t know any better. It is undeniable that she cares for Taek deeply and that - compared to everyone in their group, she enjoys spending time with him the most.

Multiple times, she’s claimed to know everything about Taek; amid many contradictions proving otherwise. She says this, not solely because she believes it. But also because this is what she wants to believe. There’s a line she keeps herself from crossing, a truth she refuses to acknowledge. To Duk Seon, Taek has never acted differently around her, in a way that would make her see he was in love with her. And to set her expectations of him, she treats him as a little brother, as a pushover, as an annoying neighbor - so that, whatever and every attachment DS felt for Taek could be chalked up to something more familiar - to mere friendship and what’s filial.

3. Tying this in with #2, I’m certain, absolutely certain that had Taek confessed in their senior year, Duk Seon would have rejected him; as she indirectly did.

He was nothing more to her than a friend, than a little brother; that’s what she forced herself to believe.

SW and JH, somehow, made sense to the young Duk Seon. If JH had confessed, she would have accepted 100%. I watched how cute they were in their high school days. All DS was waiting for was JH’s confession. She was nothing less than ready to enter a romantic relationship with him.

But, if Taek confessed, he would have been devastated. I am certain she would reject him. In Duk Seon’s words, she said, “They’re friends.” and “It would be awkward.” We actually see this rejection when Duk Seon denies the kiss they shared in Taek’s room.

(Ep. 19)

Even back in 1989, although Taek was certain he was finally going to confess, he, rightfully so, had doubts about how Duk Seon would receive his confession.

(Ep. 15)

Additionally, we have DS’s bffs to look at; as their assessments of DS’s guy friends greatly dictate DS’s perception of her own relationships.

For Sun Woo (Ep. 3), they said:

For Jung Hwan (Ep. 7), they said:

And for Taek (Ep. 17), they said:

*And on Netflix, the translation says “soft touch,” a person easily influenced, duped, or imposed upon.

Taek was just a friend, just a neighbor.

Duk Seon had only fallen in love with those who she’s certain likes her back. To her, nothing pointed out to the initially dense (then insecure) Duk Seon that Taek likes her any bit, thus ensuring his rejection - in fear of getting herself hurt later on.

4. Duk Seon was falling in love with Taek, but she still rejected him for about four years, without him even knowing.

Think about this for a while.

Why is it that, among all of the boys she had a thing for - it was only a relationship with Taek she didn’t jump into.

She hears from her friends that SW and JH liked her. Both times, she jumped in with both feet. But, when she starts to really like someone, she runs away. Without an inkling as to how Taek felt, she starts developing a one-sided interest and it scared her - how vulnerable falling in love made her feel.

During the episodes she was chasing after JH (until Episode 15), she had become more conscious around Taek. In Episode 12 (around the 1 hour mark), she couldn’t even form a coherent sentence when Taek leans on her; because she was taken off guard; she was defenseless. She had no excuses to use to sweep whatever their relationship really was under a rug. So, she’s left there, stumbling on her words; admittedly, a first for her.

She’s chased SW and JH, aggressively at times even. But, with Taek, it’s different.

She’s wanted a romance. But when Taek opens up to her, suddenly, it’s awkward. On the contrary, the awkwardness Duk Seon feels is the sudden realness of it all - that maybe, just maybe, she was falling in love with him.

(Ep. 12)

We also see her questioning why Taek suddenly cancelled their movie date. (Not that she thought it was a date). But she had expectations.

(Ep. 17)

And her restlessness after being carried away by Taek.

(Ep. 17)

Finally, we have this:

(Ep. 17)

To say DS became more conscious of Taek is an understatement. Suddenly, it comes crashing down - she liked him; she was falling for him.

(Ep. 14)

In those four years, we have a lot of scenes where DS looks pensive, in deep thought. While we don’t know what she’s thinking, there is a chance she’s thinking of Taek and what she’s hidden from him. There is a chance that in those four years, she’s realized she’s fallen in love with him. But, her insecurities keep her from acting any differently from how she’s been around Taek ever since; insecurities that stem from - Taek never definitively showing her how he feels, Taek’s many admirers, and the vulnerability falling for him left her with.

For four years, Duk Seon refused to acknowledge what happened between them; refused to acknowledge how they felt about each other. Their circumstances are just so true to life, it’s tragic.

On Episode 18, it wasn’t just JH and Taek dealing with heartbreak. So too was Duk Seon, and by her own choosing.

5. Their proximity during the four year gap.

From 1990 to 1994, the show skips. Up until 1994, on Taek’s birthday celebration, we see that both JH and Taek are still hungover DS. However, Taek was in a worse off position, given his proximity to DS. While both DS and Taek are busy in their careers, I’m certain they’ve had a number of instances like these:

Times when Dong Ryong, Duk Seon, and Taek hung out together.

In addition, I’m certain Taek has been a constant witness to DS’s relationships. And she to his’.

The both them probably thought it was easier, that they were dating other people. It made it easier for Duk Seon to tell herself that she was right, Taek never really liked her. And for Taek, his meetings for arranged marriages, his dates, helped substantiate the lie he told himself - that he was moving on from his childhood crush.

Furthermore, we know that DS has kept in touch with Taek’s colleagues (and therefore, Taek as well), since she’s responsible for introducing these two.

I’m pretty sure the four years included a lot of these:

And on Duk Seon’s end, these:

In those four years, they would run into each other and act like the friends they always were and always would be.

For a time, they settled with the image that that a relationship like theirs isn’t one that would change.

Duk Seon and Taek’s relationship is one for the books. I’ve seldom seen this relationship portrayed in TV. I know it’s not popular. I know it may be vanilla and boring. But, it’s unraveling was just so beautiful and heartwarming.

Throughout the show, I couldn’t picture it - how DS would end up with someone who’s barely around, who everyone treats like a little brother, and who only seems to think of baduk. But, that’s where the appeal to me lies - amid everything going on with Taek’s life - loving Duk Seon had always been a constant. He always loved her, even when the audience didn’t know.

Their relationship showed me that loving someone isn’t enough. Loving someone is separate from wanting to be with them. While both boys were in love with Duk Seon, Taek wanted nothing less than to be with her.

It was not timing.

The only factor Taek was lucky in - is that Duk Seon was in love with him. However, it was Taek’s unwavering desire to be with Duk Seon that got him the girl. He loved her. And he was never afraid to show it. Other than his love for JH, nothing else stopped him from loving DS, from showing her.

For me, the greater heartbreak is baring your heart out, is giving it your all, and getting rejected in the end. Everything JH went through, while so utterly painful, is nothing compared to the pain of being denied your feelings. As early as Episode 12, we see Duk Seon grow awkward around Taek in those times they were alone - because, in a closed room, far from watching eyes, it’s difficult to keep lying to yourself. It’s easier, far easier, to accept the simple fact - that maybe, maybe, you’re in love with someone you’re not sure feels the same.

And that’s the tragic picture painted to me by Reply 1988 through Duk Seon and Taek’s relationship - an immature girl who refused to acknowledge that she was falling in love with a boy who she had no idea was in love with her his whole life.

1988-1989

1994-1995

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