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#and you can't stop me
bumpingbees · 1 year
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Something I've never seen pointed out in the aftg fandom is a certain aspec of the scene where Neil and Andrew are sleeping together in the cabin and Renee knocks on the door. We talk about how great it is that Neil reaches for a gun and hits Andrew's arm instead - something that will still protect him.
But can we appreciate that Andrew was asleep? Andrew who we see sleeping through a lot of different things from team meetings to bus rides, but will wake up violently when he's touched. When Renee knocks, its described as a tap of her nails. I don't see that actually waking Andrew, but Neil touching his arm in a desperate search for a gun? That would wake him up, but Andrew doesn't lash out at Neil. He just looks at him before getting out of bed.
Now, Andrew could have already been awake and Neil didn't know it or maybe a tap of nails did wake him, but I think Andrew was asleep. I think even then Andrew trusted Neil more than anyone knew. I think he kept reminding himself about Neil's presence before falling asleep (to the point he put his arm under Neil's pillow) so he wouldn't react violently when Neil inevitably shifted and touched him in his sleep. I think he used Neil's head on his arm as a grounding technique because he didn't want to risk hurting Neil when he was already so injured and he just likes being close to him. And I think this moment speaks volumes to Andrew's healing and just how much he loves his feral boyfriend.
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smallishdruid · 4 months
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new life series idea: high life
real pitch: it's a return to last life, but set in sky islands, and everyone starts with an elytra
fake pitch: it's a return to last life, but set in skyblock
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tardxsblues · 10 months
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Fire in the water...
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ladykeyleth · 1 year
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I've never been to Vasselheim.
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taboo-delusion · 23 days
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So, I just discovered something interesting.
This is a bit of a long one, so bear with me. It's important. Seriously.
I just woke up a few hours ago. My meds are starting to kick in. I was having a very serious and genuine, deep conversation (in-head) and it was... beautiful. It wasn't happy, but it was beautiful. Not the point.
Point is:
I had not had a single fucking intrusive thought today until someone made a noise in the other room.
I am so fucking PISSED OFF
Why my brain refuses to realize that intrusive thoughts CAUSED the good feeling to go away, I have no fucking idea. I've known that for almost a year now, yet my stupid fucking subconscious refuses to change anything it's doing
Before I snap my fucking android phone in half and yeet somebody's face into neptune, I thought I'd share the discovery!!!!
Basically:
MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS DID NOT START UNTIL SOMETHING STARTLED ME OUT OF FOCUS
AS I TYPE THIS, I REALIZE THAT INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS -AT LEAST FOR ADHDERS- ARE A SURVIVAL TACTIC.
Elaborating:
When you fall asleep and your heart slows too much, your body does the falling thing to make sure you're still alive.
It's not that intrusive thoughts are *Just* because your brain gets too quiet, It's because your life has never been completely quite before, or -like me- the few times it is quiet, something interrupts. And even if it doesn't piss you off, even if you don't jump like I do, your brain still registers it as not safe.
--
Falling asleep, heart slows a lot-
Body: *Sends adrenaline just to make sure it still actually works.*
Drowning, even mostly unconscious-
Body and brain: *Hold onto that last half-breath even if it feels like you're head is going to explode.*
Going grocery shopping or talking to someone you think is cool-
Brain: *Remembers what it felt like the first time your guardian was indifferent or mean about something that made you happy or calm.*
Things around you actually get quiet-
Brain *Sends a thought you hate just to make sure you're prepared for a sudden problem.*
TDLR 1: Your brain isn't mean on purpose, It's just paranoid and still has a will to live.
Listen. I know I'm just some random dude from a weird blog. But I'm trying to translate, to assist. Maybe somebody else needs this realization as much as I do. I apologize for the yelling earlier. I'm still just as upset, but only at my dumbass subconscious. Now some time has passed, and I have regained self-control.
(I also apologize for the above paragraph, my brain nags for me to do this, but I can't remember why. So:)
I am no psychologist. Here are my qualifications (why you should listen to me):
As my friends call it- "Disturbingly self-aware at all times."
Paranoid Schizophrenic with actual (unrelated) OCD, with years of experience dealing with it- more healthily in recent years.
Philosophy and deep thinking is simply my default. I use metaphors, but everything in this post is entirely literal, ...except the angry threat. (*begrudgingly accepts disappointment*)
I am a fiction writer. I don't know about healing people/first aid, but I know a LOT about how anatomy works, with many deep-dives on the psychology/evolution side.
People irl generally consider me a genius? Idk how to gauge that, IQ tests are irrelevant with this type of... smart?. I've been compared to both Da Vinci and Einstein. So, ...actually that's pretty fuckin' cool- (I AM NOT TRYING TO BRAG! I APOLOGIZE IF IT COMES OFF THAT WAY! I've never put it all down like this, and I'm just surprised and questioning my reputation.)
(Also, I love playing detective, so naturally I call myself Batman XD.)
Autistic; I experience the world, and every situation, from a view without any context.
ADHD: My brain automatically -As a guardian I hate describes- "Can watch three different movies at the same time, all in fast forward, and can keep up with all of them." ... Well, yes, but technically no. Idk if other ADHD people do this, but my brain "connects the dots" so quickly, I end up laughing at jokes I've never heard before the 'punchline', because I've already figured out what you're going to say next.
Now combine all that. I am kicking depression's ass and now I want to help you do the same.
I have only mentioned the relevant things. Please keep in mind that ALL of these have both advantages and disasters. Thank you for your patience and understanding. I am running on four hours of sleep. For the love of whatever, I hope this actually helps someone other than me.
Qualifications are noted because: This is all stuff (and stuff like this) that I am just always casually aware of.
TLDR2: Even if I wasn't trying to help people feel better, Apparently I was born with a nat 20 perception/insight check, so please don't argue that I truly understand what I'm talking about here.
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astrumavis · 2 years
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I wonder how long he stood there, staring at the dot in the distance where he saw his brother disappear behind the horizon
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hom3landr · 1 year
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Morning Musings
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Enjoy my five am ramblings because I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. No plot, just tooth rotting fluff.
It’s one of those perfect mornings, where your nose is just a little bit chilly in the early air but the rest of your body is bathed in the cozy heat of a shared bed. It’s still dark outside but if you look close you can see a faint orange hue on the horizon, about to overtake the city in a wave. There are no press conferences or contractual appearances today so you indulge in the sweet lazy satisfaction that comes from knowing you can easily slip back into slumber for as long as you wish. You’ve always been that combination of early waker but late riser. You’ve never been able to sleep in but you don’t mind because it means you have ample time to observe him.
He barely needs to sleep at all with all the V that runs through his veins. You didn’t even know he could sleep during the first year of your dalliance. Neither of you have yet acknowledged that whatever this is has long evolved past the fuck buddies arrangement you made ages ago. It was only after you found him catnapping on the couch one day after a particularly rough interview that you realized there was a difference between needing to sleep and needing to sleep. So you began coaxing into bed with you, not for sex, but to encourage him to rest and allow himself that comfort. Once he began to let his guard down, you discovered that he can sleep like a rock, all those years of denying himself such a basic need has left him powerless to escape its clutches.
You don’t mind. Especially if it means you get to hear his cute little snores that he doesn’t realize he does. You won’t tell him, he’d only get sour and insistent that he would never. It’s almost like your own little secret. It’s such a inconsequential thing but you feel like it belongs to you and nobody else. No matter what happens, you can keep that tucked away inside you like a candle on a stormy night.
You reach out and gently brush a lock of his hair back into place. He looks so innocent and boyish in sleep. All of the sharp cunning and cruel edges fade away until he appears as harmless as a kitten. It would be hard to recognize him as the indestructible man who always has a tinge of iron in his scent no matter how much he showers. Your fingertips gently brush the gentle skin of his cheek and wonder what could have been if Vought hadn’t dug its talons into him. You doubt he would be as cruel but it amuses you to think he’d keep that sharp wit. Maybe, without intent to maim.
He practically purrs at your touch although he remains deep in slumber. He always seems to know when your hands are on him. You give a light scratch at the closely shorn hair of his undercut, enjoying the way he huffs and snuggles deeper into his pillow. You would keep him like this all the time if you could, and you’re willing to admit that the reasoning is entirely selfish. You chuckle at the thought of you saving the world simply because you know how to cuddle. Surprisingly, the soft noise causes one blue eye to crack open hazily.
The way he looks at you takes your breath away. All of that sly malice and creeping paranoia, all of that decades old pain and fresh indignity, all of Homelander, is gone from his gaze. He has that look of contented shyness that comes from someone enjoying something they aren’t entirely sure they have the right to but that they shamelessly indulge in nonetheless. He looks so young, with all of that baggage briefly stripped away. You wonder again what he could have been if he had been raised properly. You’re especially fond of the image of him as a little league coach, telling a group of downtrodden kids after a loss that they’re heroes for trying. It’s a ridiculous fantasy, but you feel like you’re entitled to a little silliness.
“G’morning” he slurs out, voice still gravelly from sleep. He wraps an arm around your waist to effortlessly tug you against his chest. He buries his face in your hair and inhales, huffing your scent like it’s some kind of drug. It’s always so interesting to see how his senses inform his behavior. He’s incredibly tactile, always wanting to cover you in his scent or drown himself in the sound of your heartbeat. It intimidated you at first, how attuned he was to you. None of your other lovers even noticed if you cut your hair, much less be able to warn you before a migraine hits purely because your scent would reflect the disturbance in your brain chemistry. You worried that such an intimate knowledge of your body would push him away, but he revels in the fact that he knows you better than any human grunt could ever dream of.
It’s easy to lose yourself in these moments and forget the work that goes into this relationship day by day. You are not immune to his petty jabs or his sour temper. He’s never hurt you physically but his ruthless tongue has left you sobbing in the bathroom more times than you can count. He’s testing you, trying to find the breaking point where your love will no longer be enough to withstand him. He’ll never find it but it doesn’t make the battles any less exhausting. It’s why mornings like this are so precious to you. These moments are why you let your heart be bruised over and over.
You love him, probably more than you’ve ever loved anything. You think he knows even if he doesn’t trust in that knowledge.
He shifts, rolling on top of you in one smooth motion. Your legs spread instinctively, expecting him to slip inside for an early morning romp. It tears your heart in two when instead he uses it as a way to snuggle in even closer, to have as much skin to skin contact as possible. You remember when every touch was a calculated effort to get in your pants, because it’s the only way he had ever received reassurance or comfort from touch. You’ve noticed lately that he’s started to enjoy contact for its own sake, not just as a means to an end. You aren’t deluded enough to think you can fix him, or that the love of one person is enough to erase an entire lifetime of emotional neglect. So you don’t try. You simply love him for the sake of it.
It’s for this reason that he allows himself to be vulnerable, even if he doesn’t realize it. There is no agenda. There’s just two people who are no longer alone. Sometimes, that’s enough.
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thornhawthorne · 6 months
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the 2012 black butler fandom was full of people posting pictures of dead spiders + calling Alois the T slur and now half of my dashboard is Sebastian fucking another Sebastian and/or being a terrible surrogate father. Sometimes both, as in there are two Sebastians and they are both terrible fathers.
Nature is reclaiming the earth and I find that so beautiful
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leefl00f · 1 month
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Disassembly Drone concept in the ES AU (pt 2!)
By Leefloof
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Thought of this while I was at church since I couldn’t think up of what to draw. Now you’ll know the horrors of what the DDs have to go through  (✧ᴗ✧)
Warning(s): mentions and implications of loss and violence 
✧˖°.˗ˏˋ Overallˎˊ˗˖°.✧
There are at least 3 ranks within the DD units 
Star, Skull, and Medic 
DDs are ranked depending on their nature, personality, and test results 
Those that pass get a stamp/tattoo on their forearm and armband 
“⭐️,☠️, or ➕ (They didn’t have a red one but oh well)” 
Those that completely fail will be demolished and scrapped for parts 
There is no way to climb up the ranks if a DD is a medic unless humans moved them to soldier rank under any reasonable circumstances 
✧˖°.˗ˏˋ Star rankˎˊ˗˖°.✧
The leader/commander of their squads as well as assistants to their assigned human generals 
While Star ranked Disassembly Drones command their squad mates, they also strategize and plan ahead during territory takeovers/raids and battles 
There is only one transition in the DD rank system, and that is Soldier —> Star (However it is rare for a soldier to rank up, they must prove themselves to their leaders that they are capable of being star ranked)
Star ranks also put their squad mates before themselves during trying times or when things go awry 
J proved herself that she was capable of being a star rank when her old leader was killed off and lead the others to safety (give this gal some respect) 
Star ranks also take a limited recommended books and play chess with one another for downtime back at base camps (This is their only break)
✧˖°.˗ˏˋ Skull rankˎˊ˗˖°.✧ (sorry I didn’t have time to throughly think this out-) 
The muscle of the team 
As the name suggests, Skull or soldier ranks are one of the brutalist out of the three 
Soldier Disassembly Drones are also called “Angels of Death” due to how many workers they’ve killed (including the destruction they cause along the way)
Some don’t use their weapons at all, they would use their teeth and claws, but at least they’re getting the job done 
Soldier drones can also be great scouts to survey the area and can detect traps earlier on 
V is one of the strongest of them all as she was able to lift and carry ten injured DDs to the medic 
Skull ranks also love to play fight with one another as well as their leaders if they allow it 
✧˖°.˗ˏˋ Medic rankˎˊ˗˖°.✧ 
The medic of the team, also known as the “soft DDs” 
Most medic DDs tend to stay at base camps to tend towards returning squads. However, there are times where they must travel out to reach teams that are unable to come back
In doing so, medic DDs use white and red lights on their wings to signal others that help is on the way (medic DDs are the only ones that can switch their lights from yellow to white and red) 
Though doing so could attract danger since worker drone soldiers tend to shoot medics down majority of the time using EMP guns or using a device that can generate electricity (thunderbolting them basically)
When traveling toward teams that need aid, they have two medical kits located in their back hatches (both bio and mechanical), this causes them to fly more slower and make them bigger targets 
If a medic DD is downed by WDs, they would try to get the kits for their own, however the back hatch cannot be forced open. Therefore they pin the already damaged DD down, and hit their back until the hatch is open, beating them to death (Though most medics are killed off immediately after getting downed)
N was shot at least twice but was still able to get to the S.O.S signal just in time! What a champ! :D
Because of this, soldiers are required to acquaint medics when on a mission
Medics are also known fort their kind and almost non-hostile nature (they only attack when attacked first) 
Majority of their weapons are medial tools (limited weapon choice)
Medic DDs have softer paw pads to sooth those on pain (they act like heating/cooling pads) 
Medic rank is also considered the “lowest rank” to some humans and even DDs despite them being the most vital rank
Medic DDs are more prone to having depression and/or anxiety due to the guilt they have after failing to save patients and how traumatic their jobs are, so humans assigned them journals to write about their feelings 
N already used up four…
that’s about it! Until next time :3c
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talesofoldandnew · 8 months
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Will I ever stop making shitty introvert memes? I guess not.
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I do not use my time wisely.
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bridoesotherjunk · 2 years
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Everyone else to Kakashi: don't you ever want Gai to wear something different? Isn't the green spandex weird? Wouldn't you want him to wear something nicer?
Kakashi, staring at Gai's ass while he works out: why the fuck would I ever want that
Gaara, standing next to him, watching Lee as he works as well: agreed
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chunkypossum · 4 months
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Ch. 25 Made to Ruin
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Read Kerosene Ch 25 on Ao3
“I can boil the blood in your veins with half a thought,” He whispered, going in to kiss Azriel lightly on the lips as Azriel thrust up into him. “Turn your skin into ash in the time it takes you to inhale.” He kissed him again. It was slower, deeper than before, Eris was moaning into his mouth. “I am death, Shadowsinger, capable of reminding you of the things that haunt you.” He brought his hands out of Azriel’s hair and stroked the scars on Azriel’s where they gripped his waist. ... “I’m made to ruin you.”
There are too many songs I used to inspire this chapter so I’m just dropping the fic’s whole playlist.
If you want on or off the tag train just holla at ya boi ... @iftheshoef1tz @born-to-riot @pathfinderofnight @acourtofladydeath @fell-in-luvs @fieldofdaisiies @aktrain @honeysuckle-daydreams13 @pippsmcgee @secret-third-thing
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inspiration
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ryan1014n2 · 2 years
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“Then Skarloey began to laugh. ‘I’m the stick-in-the-mud after all,’ he gurgled helplessly, ‘not you!’ I laughed too, I couldn’t help it, he looked so funny. We were laughing when the cleaners came; we were still laughing when they left. ‘Poor engines!’ they said, tapping their foreheads; but we weren’t mad. We’d learned sense, and we’ve been firm friends ever since.’ ”
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awakefor48hours · 7 months
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Might you consider looking at my new crack ship that I love so dearly
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So how do you Guys Imagine Crimson Rose?
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