#and you already felt the fear

[uncanny-tranny]

Something you start noticing is that people who hold delusional or "incoherent" beliefs have reasons for believing them that you might understand. There's this idea that delusional people or people who otherwise hold "out-there" views just... come up with them on a whim, but that isn't always the case. I find that when people start assuming that delusional beliefs come from nowhere, they think that they're really easy to just "snap out of," and it doesn't work like that.

You might not understand why somebody believes in something, but knowing that it is for a reason can remind you that they aren't being antagonistic. There is already a lot going on. The least you can do is understand where the person is coming from and offer compassion, not judgment.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #delusions #for me the last time i had a scare it was based in this primal fear of being targeted #so it wasn't like i believed the things i did because i thought i was in a grandiose position but because there was... #...this underlying fear of Not Being Safe Here. but i couldn't run. so i was a caged animal (that's how it felt)... #...and i feel like i didn't have it that bad either! but it was still scary and stressful and i did dumb things because of that fear... #...so it's made me realize that... you don't really Do That For Fun #you're already probably scared and isolated and worried and you want to do anything to feel like you aren't on metaphorical fire

[mogoce-nocoj]

between the flower stories, the new single being released on the 16th, Nace apparently being called Ignac (or, well, at least his grandma calling him that), Joker Out having played in Nottingham very recently without anyone knowing about it and Käärijä appearing at Alessandra's gig at Tavastia right now I'm just trying to survive here

#help. me. #joker out #käärijä #most Infos are from the new article by 24ur #I didn't know they filmed us taking photos and stuff with the guys last week the visceral fear I felt and when I watched that video #Also WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY PLAYED IN NOTTINGHAM #you think you're already happy to have known about the Dutch gig in time and then there was another one no one was aware of wtf

[winslowat3am]

You prob won’t see this but hi! I follow you and your beautiful wife bc of your love for black women and life tips! I wanna share a story that happened yesterday where I was harassed in a gas station by an aggressive black male security guard and get nonblack poc feedback bc I no longer feel safe around black men and just curious to what advice or thoughts you have.

Last night I walked inside a pilot gas station to use the restroom where I wore a yellow camo track suit with the hood up bc I was cold. The security told me to take my hood down even tho there was no policy where I could see and followed me to the restroom door and called me out my name (I heard him thru the door), after I finished in the restroom I went to confront him at the register he was hiding behind where we got into a heated verbal exchange , I cussed him out amd I hurt his ego evidently bc he felt the need to follow me outside to escalate it but I outtalked him and got in my car. I never took my hood down. I went back in the gas station with a girlfriend for water after informing her of what happened where he then tried to make me remove my hood again and tried to encourage the women at the registers to refuse me service bc I wouldn’t remove my hood, we got into it again. He was aggressive, approached me slamming his hand on the counter, got loud, and sensitive bc I got the best of him twice verbally and in the end I still got the water and never took my hood down; the nice white lady at the register took my money from my friend who paid for it, the black woman at the register was a m@mmy. He nitpicked my outfit and physical appearance but ppl passing thru wore hoods and had pants hanging off their asses, tummy shirts, brought dogs in the store, but was never harassed like I was. I don’t have a problem following a policy but I won’t follow a policy when it’s enforced on me but no one else. So I called the police and they told me to file a complaint with corporate and see what I can do about it so I will be calling them in the morning. Did I mention the security tried to get me banned for trespassing just bc i didn’t back down and verbally whooped him?? LOLL!!! I’ll be carrying a switchblade from now on and learning to shoot a gun real soon!

Read my tags. I'm assuming you're a bw? It doesn't take all the hoodrat buffoonery Glocktavious displayed to ask someone to remove their hood. Talk to a lawyer, they'll help you go about prosecuting Dustavious the right way. So unprofessional. I hope this isn't a late response, I don't really check Tumblr lately or read every ask but yours grabbed my attention. You did the right thing! Always stand up for yourself. You're a savage for checking his ass. Never be afraid of a man, & keep a weapon on you. 👏👏👏👏Insecure, pussy "men" pick fights with women, they think being aggressive & loud intimidates you & they never prepare for a strong retort that shuts their shit down. My completely honest & straightforward unfiltered pov: We need to address the fact that the bullying of bw is a problematic behavior that is perpetuated by bm primarily (not all, but atp it's so common it might as well be). You'd be better off opening up your dating options to men outside of your race, tbh. (Be very selective & careful when itrl dating). Non-bm build their communities & protect their women. [Redacted] That's why I don't understand why some ww leave wm, who have privilege & power, for bm, who 9/10 don't have anything to offer except dick, kids & struggle love. Even when bm manage to have success it doesn't change their crusty ass mentality. I recently learned that a bw is killed by a bm every six hours. [Redacted] Bm are the only race of men who publicly bash, degrade & bully their race of women while praising, fetishizing & worshipping non-bw. But you can't expect men who hate themselves to love or value you. I see the bs bw have to deal with daily & it saddens me. I feel like they target bw cause they think it'll make them men & acceptable in the eyes of wm, it's embarrassing. [Redacted] I can't imagine treating my baby like that. [Redacted] I'll never post or reblog a "this is a safe space for everyone" post. It's not. I don't post for them. I don't want racists/colorists in my space where bw & woc tell me that they feel safe, seen & protected. I gatekeep my blog so that you're safe expressing your feelings here. I thought it was obvious since I never acknowledge bm but it needs to be said. I 100% agree with the bw advising bw to choose higher quality men. You should watch Cynthia G & Paris Milan on YouTube & other black women who cover domestic & racial topics, it's very educational & insightful, they offer a lot of perspective & I agree with so many points they make. [Redacted] The best advice I can give you is to run & never look back. Good luck. ❤️

#you can sue him personally for discrimination & verbal harassment & file a complaint with corporate #If you're banned from the store then you can have the cops get his information & press charges #once corporate finds out about the incident he'll more than likely lose his job #Make sure to stress that he intentionally embarrassed you by making a scene followed you to the bathroom & outside of the store in attempt #to escalate the situation he was highly aggressive & approached you & that you felt scared for your safety which caused emotional distress #those are super important details & ultimately where he fucked up #& if you're able to write down the date/time this occurred & have the camera footage obtained by police & your friends as witnesses #it'll help your case #The moment someone loses their cool & lowers themself even lower than they already are you already won #As you go through life the more jackasses you'll encounter & you'll become so immune that shit won't even anger you the way it used to #Speaking from experience #I don't see him living long cause losers who fuck with people & think being loud & ghetto gives them an upper hand never live a long life #toxic masculinity is a fear of strong women masked by a fraudulent superiority complex #he's corny asf if the only thing he could think to call you was ugly like what guy doesn't automatically run to that as an insult? #They even use it when they get rejected it's always that or 'bitch' cause they're sooo original #they're tiring #long post #ask

[the-lark-ascending69]

> be a robin buckley fan

> be lesbian

> project on robin

> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic

> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve

#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!'' #i have several grips about that interpretation #going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply) #to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take #a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his #inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect #him to be that smart #but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way #it fine #what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao #who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3) #3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too #like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's #rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc #the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭 #also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw #unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it) #like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her. #she's his friend. #but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones #where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭 #anti steddie #not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone #edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel #drowned in st3ddie posts #like something isn't right here

[todayisafridaynight]

seeing info only about the kiryu and majima statuettes but absolute radio silence on the ichi one is utterly sending me. Theyre hiding the fact theyre gonna make ichi pale as a cracker again

#snap chats #theyre in the lab making a skin tone with melanin in it for once im SCREAMING #JUST LET ME SEE MY BOY PAINTED LET ME SEE HOW BAD THE DAMAGE IS #whether i spend $150 is entirely dependent on if ichi is pale or not and im so serious its why i didnt get his plushie #anyways i got hate crimed today i was getting lunch with my dumbass friend WHICH. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I DO #CAUSE WE JUST SIT IN DEAD SILENCE AND SHES TERRIBLE AT CONVERSATION RIGHT anyway. #we were getting lunch and her prof ask her like ‘oh are you on a date <3’ like prof i would rather kms !!!! then go on a date with this gir #literally my biggest fear i hope people dont think we’re dating id actually drop out #‘snap you make her sound awful’ because she is and i dont feel bad about bullying her anymore NO LISTEN #WE WERE PLAYING Y7 LAST NIGHT AND SHE BUTT DIALS HER FRIEND. LIKE A DUMBASS. #AND DEADASS ME AND HER FRIEND JUST TALK ON HER PHONE ABOUT HOW MUCH SHE SUCKS.. WHILE SHES SITTING RIGHT THERE. #i felt so validated cause everything he was complaining about id complain about like oohhhh my god i should meet him #hes the guy that called me that invincible character. and mystery man. i think i talked about this already wait— #ITS STILL FUNNY TO ME IDC ive never felt so seen in my life. why an i friends with this girl idk we’ll figure out one day #right now i want. ichi statue to be real and tanned #ok bye i have class soon

[tiger-balm]

I wished a curse upon g*das two days ago and now he's out with injury...

#after the ducks/hawks game bc i was upset he attacked that guy who didnt even want to fight and #i deleted the post bc i felt bad !!! #but it was already spoken into existence i fear #i dont seriously wish harm upon anyone !!! but if you have horrible vibes and they catch up to you then that is hardly my fault

[takiki16]

A Fine Chain

UPDATE: Chapter 14/?

Fandom: Jupiter Ascending

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Beta: @gallifreyburning

Relationships: Jupiter Jones/Caine Wise

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Light Dom/sub, Power Imbalance, Royalty, Slavery, Collars, Leashes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Don’t copy to another site, Dark

Summary: Caine Wise, disgraced ex-Skyjacker and convicted criminal, is suddenly inducted into the service of the enigmatic Queen Nea-Seraphi, mysterious new Recurrence and puzzle to the Entitled social circle. While figuring out the boundaries of his new station, worrying about his old commander, and nursing old wounds from his court martial, Caine finds himself slowly being drawn into the confidence of his royal employer. What could Her Majesty possibly want with a defective splice?

In which the queen is in peril, royal wardrobes are dismantled, and Caine experiences some tribulations.

The wonderful @zahnie has made a PLAYLIST for this fic!!!! Go check it out immediately!

#a fine chain #jupiter ascending #ja fic #jupiter ascending fic #caine wise #jupiter jones #y'all have NO IDEA how petty and disappointed I felt when I couldn't find a better name for the Bee Gun (TM) #like...they ALREADY used the best name so i had to come up with another name #but anything involving venom is just not specific enough to bees and feels more associated with snakes in fiction #and looking at all the weird anatomy charts was giving me very yonic vibes for some reason #however this is nowhere near the weirdest rabbit hole i have gone down for fic research #not even the weirdest rabbit hole where the end result was a single line or words #AND ALSO IT TOOK FOURTEEEEEEEN CHAPTERS for caine to even be able to verbalize the fact that he SHOULDN'T BE HAVING THESE THOUGHTS #i'm so proud of the Good Boy for hitting that milestone. I shall be Hurrying Him Along This Path don't you worry #part of the fun of pacing is that I realize it doesn't seem like a long time to ME bc i'm actually very far ahead of where i'm posting #but to the READERS it will feel like a while and to CAINE he doens't get to do time skips like we do #so the pacing isn't as wonky as I fear it is...i hope #everyone thank gallifreyburning bc TRULY...without her this would not exist

[forzafortyfour]

listening to teenage dream by olivia rodrigo as a 20-year-old “mature for her age” gifted kid college dropout is uhhhh…cathartic

(and by cathartic I mean I nearly started crying)

#olivia rodrigo #listen I’m about to be 21 and I know I’m young but yeah man I DO fear that they already got the best parts of me #logically I know it’s ridiculous. but. y’know. #“it gets better the more you grow but what if I don’t?” verbalized something I’ve felt for years #and man if it didn’t feel like getting hit by an emotional truck

[beldaroot]

finished volume 10 of trimax yesterday.... a wolfwood wednesday in the most fucked up way imaginable

#it's actually sickening bc i KNEW what was gonna happen like i already saw the couch scene panels i tried to prepare myself #but you just can't!!!! the way nightow wrote so it felt like wolfwood WOULD make it... he bought the drink bc they both survived it!!! #but no..... it was all a cruel joke and just made the moment 10000x more painful i genuinely still feel nauseous and it's been 24 hours #i will never recover i fear OTL #and if this is how i react to wolfwood's death? oh lord i don't think i can handle knives dying or this ending at all....... :/ #trigun

[loverboybrightsideghost]

i really do love practicing 🎻

#i'm in music school so now it's a much more significant source of my already very significant fears #but practicing only feels stressful when i don't do it enough and i'm trying to 'catch up' #some weeks fly past me like hurricanes and i get to my lesson and i can't say i've made any progress and that fucks me up #and i don't think that's ever going away- like i'll always have weeks like that cuz everyone has bad days and bad weeks #from time to time #but when i plan correctly (which is becoming more and more the norm for me) my practicing is something im really proud of :) #i have a System. i didn't do very well before i had it and i would die without it now. #i get excited about learning! i get excited having realizations abt things to change or work on when i practice! #it feels experimenty a lot of the time and i like it!!! #i have a lot of catching up to do in terms of comparing myself to others but i'm not here for them i'm here for me #i will do my best and i will learn from others of course but my goals are to make my Me better first and worry abt other people later #i won't lose sight of that #<- and when it doesn't feel experimenty it can be calming to just be like okay ik what i need to do now just. Practice. Repeat. #i mean music is a fucking rollercoaster and sometimes you are at the bottom and i hate that but it comes w the territory #sometimes you're just Stuck but you do get past it and in those moments i just try to think back to previous times ive felt like that #ive felt horribly shitty before and gotten through it and come out the other side slightly better! #life is like that i think #anyways. hashtag iris loves music and being a musician 🙄 nothing new over here hehe

[itspileofgoodthings]

It’s really hit me that before I make any big life decisions of any kind I have to heal and grow more. Like what do I want to DO or BE. I want to get better. I want to be better. (In a healing way. Perfectionism dni)

#it’s not like this is news. or anything anybody who knows me hasn’t already been saying #I’VE said it before #but it’s only very recently (this weekend lol) that there are just parts of me that need attention and healing #not to sound too pseudo-psychological current babble about it #but it’s just true!!! #I talk so much I expose so much to light and air #and there are parts of myself. things memories events that are just …. frozen #I was such an anxious kid. and I forget nothing and things play on a loop in my brain over and over and over #and there are just some areas of life … that have been just completely taken over #by anxiety and panic and fear #and they’ve stayed frozen because I won’t bring them into the light and let the sun fall on them and let them shrink to a normal size #and they hurt me!!!!! #and most of the time I just walk around (or have) like. guess I have to carry this burden with me forever #this sack of rocks around my neck #and everything that’s happened lately. the whole past year it’s just been like. but you don’t. #there are ways of getting help that work for you #because I AM a quick healer and I am resilient and I’ve grown so much in so many ways over the past 10 years. even just the last few years #and things are not insurmountable #they FEEL like it. they’ve felt like it for years #and yeah there is no perfectly healed state of being #but I can be better than this #my whole Steve harrington journey last year is actually like … so profoundly connected to and demonstrative of the way I have certain issues #especially when I was young. #like things happen. I misunderstand. I cry out in fear. I FREEZE. and then I quietly lock it away and never speak about it again #at least I did. and you know what I can’t actually work like that #I have a deep need to bring things into the light. #and I don’t even really care if I never fully heal #everyone has things they carry and scars and wounds and marks from their history #but just distinguishing between them to see which ones are permanent #and which one is just Steve harrington locked in the emotional freezer

[candycryptids]

Got tagged by @cafe-melanion for… (very short drumroll I’m excite!)

5 Character Associations !!

(Featuring Mochiie this time OwO;)

Emotions

Compassion

Stubborn

Selfless

Pensive

Protective

Colors

Crimson

Goldenrod

Emerald

Burnt Umber

Black

Scents

Leather

Garam Masala (Curry Spice)

Campfire Smoke

Gooseberry

Fresh cut hay

Objects

Chocobo Saddle (meticulously maintained)

Wooden bowl + spoon (old, stained from use )

Krakka Roots

Satchel (full of imported spices)

Comb (ornate carved wood, features Sun and Moon motifs)

Body Language

Touching/finger combing his hair when he’s thinking (strategizing)

Touching his fingers to the meat of his palm in rhythm (also while thinking, this time about numbers or songs)

Holding (someone’s) wrist/shoulder/cheek/back of neck (based on familiarity) while talking

Forehead touches as a form of affection

Biting his nails/pulling his tail fur (Anxiety/dread)

Aesthetics

Multiple cups of gently steaming tea with creamer arranged around a table

Constellations, suns, moons, tarot

Silky fabric that flows like water in shimmering jewel tones

Children with wooden swords playing at knights and heroes together

The rush of wind against the body while running full gallop on Chocobo or horse back, the heart sings

(Bonus) The crisp thwang noise of an arrow being released, dripping blood, red claws, and bared teeth.

(no pressure!) but I taaag..

@mrlarkstin @avirael and… …. 🤔 (realizing I don’t remember many xiv blogs off the top of my head who haven’t done this before u h) Anyone else who’s wanting to do some associations for their WoL/OC’s >:’0

#tag game :D #ffxiv Au’ra #five associations #ffxiv Mochi #Mochiie Kaisuri #this was interesting and fun to fill out :0 #somehow felt really stuck and slowed down doing emotions but by the time I got to Objects I was like. full steam ahead! choo Choo! #thank you for the tag 🥺🥺😭 I liked reading about your WoL too 🥰 #I used a screenshot I already had cos I haven’t had the juice to do new stuff yet while my brain is still #waterboarding itself with this other worm I’m working on writing all out which #I suppose I’ll post eventually. face my fears etc LOL

[asyipyip]

hold on everyone shut up im getting super emotional about jonathan sims

#tma #kara stop blogging #thinking about the web. thinking about how it was his first mark #and how that mark how that unaddressed trauma so deeply affected him. #and how befitting that is for the web too- to tie someone up its strands for YEARS #thinkin about how almost every single decision that man makes is made out of fear #that motherfucker has never felt safe in his god damn life you can tell and im EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT #thinking about how so much of his fear response is CONTROL because of it. His ridiculous skepticism was him trying to control it #if he denies it if he refuses to believe in it it cant hurt him #about his paranoia and desperation for knowledge is so rooted in that fear of losing control #about his entire s4 arc and grappling with becoming inhuman. about not feeling like he has any kind of personal autonomy #and how so often thats written off as him making excuses (and dont get me wrong- he makes excuses too. im not saying he doesnt) but also- #like you look at what happened with his first leitner and its like. he couldnt move. couldnt do anything to escape #and then when the other boy got taken he couldnt do anything to save him either #of course he feels like hes never had any control #of course hes desperate for knowledge- if he had only *known* what couldve happened then he couldve prevented it. #the survivors guilt is so deeply part of his character #and thats what makes jonah targeting him so fucking insidious and scary #he took his man who is already so terrified- put him in a situation where he was so out of his depth #knowing that his fear response would be to desperately try and figure out what was happening- to keep asking questions-- #pulling himself deeper into the eyes influence and easily turning it around and making it Jon's fault #as if Jon isn't trapped like everyone else- it's just his fear response is so fucking perfect for the role the eye needs him to play #and then it leads to the ultimate trauma of ripping control away from Jon and forcing him to do something so fucking horrible #something he would never in a million years CHOOSE TO DO #how he's so terrified of being made a pawn and he is. playing a game against elias where he couldn't even see the board #locking him out of his own body...forcing him to open the door. like. FUCK #I MEAN FUCK DUDE. PETER LITERALLY SAYS “HE GOT YOU” WHEN JON ASKED WHAT HIS 'PRIZE' WAS #LIKE SCRATCH THAT!!! FUCKING SCRATCH THAT!! he wasn't even a player he was a fucking PIECE in the game #GOD!!! #GOD!!!! free my boy he did nothing wrong (he did so many things wrong)

[transgaysex]

god remember jake marshall. from rfta

#wind howls #in the ace attorney playthru my friends and i are doing we are now onto rise from the ashes #i think we stopped still on the first day of the trial. the worst is yet to come and im very excited about it. #genuinely one of the few cases in ace attorney that actually made me feel some sort of dread and fear by the end of it when i played it #im voicing jake and also angel starr bc its funny. im trying to make jake sound american to the best of my non american abilities #and angel starr i gave her an uninterested cafeteria lady voice. maybe not original but im having fun #that on top of already voicing thr judge i love voicing the judge so much. i gave him my best goofy impression hes a blast to voice #who else did i voice. i voiced yani yogi. gave him a throaty voice. occasionally i do larry when nobody else wants him (i dont either) #who else is there in the game. OH OH will powers i voiced him. also wendy oldbag her voice fucked me up BAD #before my friend darin joined us i also voiced gumshoe but since then darin took the role and his impression is a lot more fun hehe #voicing characters in a visual novel is so much fun you guys. if you can gather up pals and have someone play the game for the first time- #definitely recommend giving out silly voices. especially if they have rare voiced lines in the game #you cannot imagine the absolute glee i felt when darin gave manfred von karma his youtuber Fred impression. only to hear is objection later #and realizing his voice is actually the deepest in the fucking game. it was so fucking funny i lost my whole mind it was awesome #anyway. game is fun #ghost trick is also a fun game ive seen get voiced by groups of friends. definitely recommend playing that one in a group as well

[andromeda3116]

me to myself, currently: other people aren't obsessing over your social mistakes like you are other people aren't obsessing over your social mistakes like you are other people aren't obsessing over your social mistakes like you are other people aren't obsessing over your social mistakes like you are

also me: obviously they have all begun to hate me

#hey remember that post from this morning about ocd and obsessive thinking? #i have been struggling lately and sinking into my own head and that makes me very. weird. #and not like. fun quirky weird. #it's off-putting weird. obnoxious as i overcompensate for my anxiety that's screaming at me to hide #i used to do that as a child. i would just hide when i felt like nobody wanted me around. #i would think to myself '' i know when i'm not wanted'' bc i see the awkwardness in the fake laughs and feel the just-too-long silences #the shared glances after i speak #and i see the ranks closing and shutting me out #and it is very very hard to discern if it's real or in my head #between ''i'm just paying attention to the subtle tells'' and ''you can't read minds and you do filter everything through your own mood'' #so it's hard to tell if they really think i'm obnoxious or if i've already decided that they do and so i'm seeing what i expect #sometimes it does end up being undeniable when i do end up getting shut out of the chat #but is it just a self-fulfilling prophecy? is it my desperation to not be annoying that makes me annoying? #is it my own distancing from people because i think they hate me that makes them close me out because they think i don't want to be there? #i don't know. i've never known. this spiral has me and it's a whirlpool dragging me into the deeps. #i've spent my whole life so terribly anxious that i was misdiagnosed with asthma as a child because i was always struggling to breathe #it's gotten... better... sort of. i've learned to fight the urge to hide but i'm still left with the fear that pushed me to do it #mental illness #anxiety #depression

[scaryhaven]

can anyone else relate to my trepidation, or are you guys actually mentally stable? I very much want to read Madly, Deeply: The Diaries of Alan Rickman, i miss him as many of us do, but when i think about reading his diaries i panic. i want to feel closer to him, get to know him in as unfiltered a way as any of us will ever get. he's an extremely charming man and i fear knowing him and the way his lovely mind worked will make the loss even worse, the absence felt more keenly. because along the journey it'd feel for a few hours that he is still here, and what a wonderful thing that is, but I know what happens at the end of this story. I'd close the book and then he'd be gone all over again; how am i supposed to do this?

#if anyone has read it and thinks itll actually be healing for me to read can u lmk #or if you think its a rough read lmk cuz i cant really handle a mental break down atm #like i was already crying writing this and little excerpts i have seen already upset me SO IDK #but id feel a little better if i knew at least one other person also felt this fear #madly deeply #The Diaries of Alan Rickman #alan rickman