#and yeah most ppl will say ''thats not true'' but it feels true as fuck when nobody seems to care

[mieltelecheycrema]

i am like weirdly delusional what

#mielmbles #u see the thing thats gucked up is that i KNOW these beliefs are weird and probably not true but i cant stop myself from believing them and #fulfilling weird ass rituals like the vial ?????? hello ? i believe it completely but theres like another sort of conscience thats me and is #like what the fuck what are you doing stop it like actually right now oh god but another part is like hehe haaaaa its good its right its #wonderful yay !!!! and again the other ones like um okay i guess that ones harmless weird as shit though #ramble #and i dont have to do them is the thing i just want to so badly and i’m torn constantly and forever changing its its like ugh its so #interesting though im like genuinely obsessed with myself but at the same time really creeped and grossed out over that but also super happy #about it but also my therapist says most people feel multiple feelings at once so im probably normal other than the whole uh hm #yeah rituals thats a good word for it #there is something super uper wrong up there that’s actually really contradictory and yk i did accept it for a while but now im like hm im #actually super not normal and ppl keep telling me that so hm

[doyouevenshipbr0]

another live action ATLA rant. who’s shocked.

so im seeing a lot of ppl saying things defending the show, and whatever, fine. i agree with some. this show is NOT all bad. not even close.

the one defense i CANNOT get behind is “the people that dont like it are mad they made changes and mad its not a complete copy of the original”. do not get me wrong, i am completely aware that i (and many others) had a bias coming into this. everyone loves the original show. so many of us are very protective and dont want to see changes, bc why change something that was perfect to begin with.

however, no fucking shit they were gonna make changes. duh. wtf would be the point of this if they werent gonna change ANYTHING.

just bc i/other people don’t like some of the changes, that doesn’t mean we dont have valid critiques and were just mad at the idea of any types of changes.

i, and many other people, really enjoyed some of the changes. everyone loves the kiyoshi addition. ive seen people praising the zuko saving his crew plot line (and i completely agree). from what ive seen, most people like that azula is in the show already (ive seen people hating on her actress tho which is 1 nuts bc she did an awesome job and 2 stemming from misogyny/pedophilia but thats besides the point). everyone loves the scene w lu ten’s funeral (personally i dont care for this one bc i think the show was showing iroh’s cards way too early. they clearly know hes a fan fav and they wanted to show the best of him from the very start. which i dont think is fair to his character.)

but anyways, point is, there were a handful of things this adaptation changed that people really like!!! me included!!!!!!!!

so when i see stuff like “people are being pessimistic and miserable and hating on the fact that its not exactly the same” (paraphrasing) i get so frustrated bc that is SO not true. im not just looking to hate something.

ur telling me, if u didnt watch the show beforehand, u wouldn’t have thought that omashu episode was a fucking mess? like genuinely. try ur hardest to think about this show as a standalone piece of work, like u suggest all the haters should do, and think about that episode. u would be so confused by the whirlwind of seemingly pointless character/plot dumping. like teo and his dad, jet and the freedom fighters, bumi, and the cave of two lovers stuff? why in gods name would alllllll of that be going on at one time? like that is just one example of the changes being messy. but when u have prior knowledge of the show, ur like “oh! thats jet! yeah i know him.” but in the context of the new show he is so removed from everything other than katara and has like 6 mins of screen time, and his presence feels so forced and near pointless (ok yeah he helped katara w her bending for like a sec).

yes i am a hater, but im not gonna hate the show (which i rly dont hate the show anyways) just for the fact that there is change!

but yes i am gonna hate when they changed something and the change is worse, or illogical, or messy, or pointless. which a LOT of these changes were.

#personal #atla #avatar the last airbender #atla live action #avatar #live action atla #avatar live action #avatar the last airbender live action

[cogbreath]

ngl even tho i had faith in both you and allah that whatever you had done would not be the end of you i WAS worried still so yeah like everyone else is saying i'm also rly glad that you're recovering. congrats on surviving life's bullshit yet again my friend. may the next one maybe be less painful tho bc that did/does not sound like a fun time

jazakallah khair ❤️

and i do wanna apologise for worrying you guys. we all do know that i didnt mean to but i do understand how even when we r aware of that, it can still hurt and be scary to see someone u care about end up in a situation like that and it can be confusing and frustrating cuz of the fact its so clearly not a good thing to do to oneself. but im rlly rlly thankful that despite all that you guys have it in your hearts to be so so gentle and kind to me which seriously means the world to me

im not entirely sure how bad my situation really was, because it's honestly difficult for me to remember how much i actually ended up drinking, my memory is rlly blurry about it but i do know that i did pass out for a while. i wasn't exactly worried at first that i felt that i needed to puke and legit was shocked when i started seeinf it turning red n shit. i wanfed to believe that somehow it was just something i ate that was also red but when i started tasting the taste of iron i Knew. because it seemed to be becoming more and more bloody i was like. "o fuck." i was still aware of ans believing in the resilience of the human body, reminding myself that people have literally survived getting hit with a particle beam in the head, but nonetheless it doesnt change the fact that vomiting blood is something associated with fatal outcomes. i guess honestly it really doesn't matter either way what the true severity of it was and i shouldn't trouble myself too much about trying to figure it out because no matter what, it was a dangerous and bad situation to be in. also im not detailing more now about what happened so as to be shocking or graphic but like i just want to be honest about it so i can help process it and help u guys have more clarity on what happened now that im not as delirious and panicked as i was when it all went down

i wasnt scared to die and honestly no matter what never will be because of the way my brain is wired about the concept of death, but what i was most scared of was that ppl i care about and that allah would be mad at me. so it helps a lot to have that affirmed that nobodys mad at me and nobody thinks that i'm stupid or had it coming

sorry if this is more than u expected as a response, but you guys are some of the only people i can feel comfortable being truly deeply honest with. i dont ever intend to trouble you with things that arent your job to manage and i dont intend to freak people out. but maybe thats not nice to assume thats what anyone is thinking. ily

[kil9]

re: the taemin thing (sorry im so annoying about this but i feel you wanna talk about it as much as me!). i wanted to mention his blinking habit too, but as someone who is not autistic myself (not diagnosticated at least lmao) i was afraid it was just me making assumption but you noticed it to so!!! cool. anyway i could say many more things but the line between being just a strange little dude and being a strange little autistic dude is so thin!!! (like the fact that he eats random stuff at unlikely times of the day or that he's so forgetful). ANYWAY!!!!!! i just really love him and how shinee adapts their behaviour around him to make sure hes comfortable

YES ur never annoying i absolutely wanna talk abt it forever 🥺🥺

(this got kinda long so im putting it in the readmore lol)

but yeah the blinking habit for real !!! ur definitely not wrong to pick up on that ! (i even sponged it from him sometimes lol x_x) its cool that non autistic ppl have an interest in this stuff tbh :3 i think that more ppl understanding autism and all the weird specifics of it is rly the key to our happiness ykno 🤔because most non autistic ppl know literally. jack shit.

also the eating thing YEAH 😭😭 thats also so autism to me. shinee is so good to him !!!! u can tell that even if they dont know WHY he is the way he is, that theyve figured out how he works and how to treat him....

there was such a moment in the 15m thing when key was asking taemin to "prepare" the veggies... and taemin got such a look of dread where hes like "what...... wdym.. ?" & kibum has to be like "CUT THEM taemin" lol 💀💀 its such a silly moment but its SOO quintessential to me for both what its like to be autistic (ie: what the fuck are u saying to me "prepare" this. as if im supposed to know what that means), and what its like to be close with an autistic person (kibum having to kinda remember to "translate" what hes saying for taemin so he knows what hes talking about, it reminds me of how my partner is with me sometimes 🥺)

also back to when im saying they probably dont know why he is the way he is, even if they know all his ins and outs, i think this is probably the same for taemin 🤔 he strikes me as someone who prob doesnt know hes autistic, just knows hes "weird" and "different" and has figured out how to live like that despite. reminds me of myself kind of, cos i wasnt "diagnosed" (used loosely) until maybe 19 ? which is still young but at that point i had already been thru school and everything not knowing x_x its definitely possible to figure your life out & how you work without a diagnosis, and i think it happens all the time, but its also really really hard. i think having a name for it and something u can actually research & learn about is rly helpful. so even tho hes like 30 now im still kinda always hoping he realises 🤔 if it makes his life that much easier ykno ?

this is also why it pisses me off so much that ppl get THAT up in arms when this is brought up. ppl act like falsely "accusing" someone of being autistic will ruin their life, when really its basically harmless (obviously unless ur directly using it as an insult). even the opposite might be true 🤷‍♂️ someone can rly benefit from realising about themselves. also why im so pro self dx !!! even if everyone is "misdiagnosing" themselves these days (🙄 which prob isnt true anyway) like. whats the worst that could happen ? why does it matter if someone is wrong... they might still find some info that will help them 🤷‍♂️ theres not really any autism "resources" that are in scarcity so i dont rly care if someone thinks they are even if theyre not ?

#yea also the reason i say ''diagnosed'' in quotes is cos i was told by like 2 doctors but they didnt want to put it on the record 🤷‍♂️ #so im technically not prof dxed but like. i also am 🤦‍♂️ #in hindsight i think its good that they didnt bc i think it'd just cause problems... but at the time i was so pissed lol #because it was for rly stupid reasons #even doctors dont know a lot about it if its not their area of expertise 🤷‍♂️

[adasknife]

Hello lovely!!

How do you think modern Aeons see Ada? I feel like they don't really know her. They're not paying attention to what she's saying or doing. They base their opinion of her on how she acts towards Leon and they will always justify her actions instead of wondering WHY she's acting that way.

She's 'nice' to Leon: omg yes true love uwu she saved his life see she's not a villain!!!

She's 'mean' to Leon: lmaooo you go girlboss point a gun at him yes end his life!!!

BUT if someone suggests Leon doesn't want her because of the latter, they act like crybabies.

She's like a doll to them, a vessel for them to pour their projections on. They don't wonder about her aspirations or fears. It's all so superficial to them. I don't see this happening to any other character (well a lot of ppl baby Leon but most acknowledge his rights and wrongs, and ppl call the other characters out on their bullshit, but with Ada it's just... you can't say a bad thing abt her or you will be crucified, but they cant even form a proper argument against someone who dislikes her, its always stfu hater r#acist and jealous). Like I like Ada but sometimes she pisses me off lol. All of the characters do. Why is it such a taboo for Aeons to admit Ada fucks up too?

I think most, if not all, Ada Wong 'fans' are Aeon shippers first and foremost. That's why they're refusing to acknowledge that Campom is getting rid of the romantic aspect of Aeon in the remake: if Ada isn't with Leon or Leon isnt chasing after her, she loses her charm and they have to acknowledge the 'ugly' parts of her character, bc they NEVER hold her accountable for anything. She's done some questionable stuff but they're always like "omg yes mother slay queen go be a criminal babygirl do your thing". Like they never stop to analyze her. It's so dehumanizing that her own 'fans' do not care to analyze her outside of her being the sexy aloof spy who is the Love Interest and acts mysterious and looks sexy. They are the ones perpetuating the stereotype about her. Bc they don't care to know her. They know everything they want to know: that Leon wants her, and thats enough for them.

Sorry for the long message, you're one of the few ppl on here who actually offers a different, realistic, HUMAN analysis on Ada.

i don't know about the modern aeons a lot. i only know one decent enough, and they seem to respect ada but of course aeon is their main thing. the ones that i do know less of but their reputation is very high and mighty. yeah. unfortunately, they don't really seem the... biggest fans of her. i can respect the motivation for her. especially with those who baby leon.

i mean, imagining shipping aeon and suddenly you get people shitting on ada because she manipulate him. blah, blah, that sort of thing.

those are the one who definitely just defend her for the #girlpower which once again. can't argue against that. ada is allowed to use leon, but they definitely rank up her mean heart. i think it's double down the comments against ada or they just really like that specific dynamic.

but that's when you mention the other thing, the ada needs leon to 'really' manner to the story.

that's another sad yeah to some fans and i feel like it's accidentally. like, i certainly hope none of these fans actually do it on purpose. or disliking characters. like, i have seen people who hate leon and people who hate ada (y'know disliking her character not disliking her for race or jealousy), and i follow both to get an understanding on why people hate them. i dislike and like living in an echo chamber, but how will you get the understanding of the characters?

i feel i am rambling now so, i'll try to hurry up. aeons want a validation of the past self of the ship. imagine wasting years of your life, begging for ship to become canon and re6 comes along and destroys it again. like, i follow an aeon shipper and a couple aeons get angry at the idea of shipping a different person with leon or even an oc.

like, i don't hundred percent think that they project themselves in ada. they want to understand her as well, but they are bias of believing ada needs leon. when... she never did. in re6, helena is telling leon to go with ada and leon rejects it. even he never needed her.

helena is like an aggressive aeon shipper, she thinks she understands their story, but who knows it better than them two. and that's where the flaw of the writing comes to place and the fans have to write it in to fill in the holes. making theories that leon is an alcoholic for missing ada or that he is happier in death island because he got the 'pussy'. (comments in aeon videos)

like this is messy, it's unfortunate that ada doesn't get many thoughts of fans. like jacksepticeye said, "they'll make cute babies." or the pieces of writing of ada repeat that ada protects leon with the bias of the OG games while speaking about the remakes.

i try in this blog to avoid leon (sometimes i fail and that's fine.) so ada can shine as a bad and good character. i don't worship the ground that ada walks over. i think she is hot. i think she is good but the writing/fans think that kindness is only meant for leon. i just hope fans adore their female characters as much they claim. the ugly and the pretty.

i hope aeon shippers think the same. i hope they aren't always horrible and try to understand half the ship they love

#resident evil #ada wong

[tragically-jane-doe]

Hi srry having big feelings bout Alma and need to rant

ALMA MADRIGAL ISNT A VILLAIN

Look is she the best mom? No. But is there a actual best mom that exists? No! Because moms are human, humans make mistakes even well meaning mistakes.

Was she severely traumatized by seeing her husband and God knows how many more people murdered mere hours after giving birth to triplets and also by other unseen horrors that weren't shared in the movie cause ya know Disney but most definitely happened cause they placed it during a actual real event in history? Yes.

She truly never meant to hurt her family, she's a woman who had to be strong for 3 newborns and later on kids and whatever problems occurred after the forming of encanto. I don't think she ever had a moment to properly grieve her loss only times when she couldn't ignore it and by the time her children and encanto had grown she probably didnt know HOW to grieve and process everything that happened after putting it on hold for so long.

I keep thinking of the lines "Bruno didn't care about this family" "Bruno loves this family"

I feel thats the same for alma she truly loves her family but her actions can be seen that she doesn't care for them. But She truly wants her family to be happy!

Sadly her trauma bleed down to her children who watched their mother put her feelings aside as best as she could and learned to do the same. Imagine your mom who most of the time is this unbending force towards everything and then you see her have bout of raw pain and true sorrow (because it's impossible not to have break downs after something so horrific) and how terrifying that would be to see, I think the triplet would end up hiding their feelings from her because their fear of these bouts and a fear of causing them. Also seeing the fear around them and the uncertainty of growing up is the beginning stages of encanto would leave a mark on them.

And of course the trauma bleeds to the grandkids. They see their mom/tia/tio and their anxieties and their most likely attitude to put off their own feelings and such. See their abuela and her tendencies to say everything is fine and ignores emotional problems and they learn from it cause it would be hard not to. They also would have picked up on the adults hiding things from alma so not to upset her and you cant say they don't isabela is legit gonna be engaged to a man she doesn't love because she doesn't wanna upset alma.

Also again it's a Disney movie so we aren't gonna get the icky gritty stuff but like she wasn't the the villain of the movie ya know. She was a woman whose story we didn't know/understand until the last 5mins. Yeah she's unlikable in the movie but we are only seeing a few very stressful days of this family.

I also wanna say this isnt me endorsing Alma's actions. She says fucked up stuff and does fucked up stuff. But this is me saying there's a explanation on why she did the things. I'm saying that to this day there is real life generational trauma that effects ppl. There's generational trauma that goes back so very far in time and can never be truly healed. But can be learned from and built upon so hopefully it won't hurt the future.

Also thinking about another line " I thought I'd be a different woman" what if she was a different woman if Pedro never sacrificed himself, if there was no threat to them. Life is full of I thoughts and what ifs.

Again alma was never the villain. She wanted the best for her family she just couldn't understand that her best was hurting them.

Alma had a dream of what her life would be and it stayed a dream.

TLDR

Alma was never a villain only a traumatized women who never dealt with it properly and ended up hurting her family and I hope more people understand that

#encanto #i keep saying probably and likely cause this is all in my head and im prob wrong and read to much fanfics #i know this is rambling #if this isnt under the cut or whatever im sorry i never figured out how to do that or if it was just auto? #ONE MORE LINE THING “just cause you don't have a gift it isnt a excuse to hurt this family” #Could also apply to alma don't know how someone else figure it out but it hits #bee rambles #if anyone can read this and follow my thought line kudos to you

[ridibulous]

I feel like I'm going to be extremely alone in this but saying it anyway bcuz this is one big fat vent rlly. im gonna put everything under a cut bcuz im insecure abt this (talking about race/ethnicity and like a big touch of our ramcoa at the end)

I hate the fact our ethnic identity is such a huge mystery because of my non-extended family just. being dismissive about it (EVEN W/ OUR WHITE SIDE!!!) and probably straight up hiding it from me and I hate the fact some people will scream at you for honestly questioning about reconnecting with a culture you may or may not have been disconnected from.

I label myself as a mixed native + white person because that's what I know and am comfortable with after finally fucking comprehending "hey the fact my mom said we're algonkin (yes. no tribe. she just said a region and idk if I should bother talking to her crazy ass to figure out more) and my dad said we're arapaho means we're native". if I am a native person (one thats reconnecting, mind you, I have the experience of growing up white) to ignore that part of myself would be disingenuous and perpetuate the whole "breeding the indian out" of mixed kids.

but in all honesty my ethnic insecurity and or anxiety has gotten so bad because of a traumatizing experience w/ old "friends" screaming at us bcuz we dared call ourselves biracial because I GENUINELY DON'T KNOW my full story and I just want to be able to label myself as like. aracial at this point. but I can't because family and heritage and identity are topics close to me and something I consider so so important. which is why I want to know the full story. which is why I cling onto the smallest most meaningless things just for any sense of validation in my identity because if I'm wrong, who am I? will more people be mad at me because I was wrong? i'm only rlly that scared of being wrong abt my ethnic identity because while yeah claiming an identity and then learning it wasn't true has to be crushing for anyone on some degree, I don't want people mad at me and calling me racist and a racefaker when I find out hey this wasn't me actually

it isn't unlikely that this whole race/ethnicity stuff is related to our ramcoa too both w/ how it looks like fucking everything is hidden and (maybe a stretch to me. programs are a fuck) how I'm reacting to it. which is partially why I brought this up bcuz idk if anyone else has gone thru this sort of thing. i don't know I hate this I just want to be secure in our collective bodily identity. i hate the fact I see other ppl growing up with culture and security in their ethnic identity and families and I grew up with. fucking nothing. I got isolation from our extended family and the (viciously southern Italian) culture they had and a home that felt devoid of life and color and love bcuz my dad was too busy renting me out to disgusting men when I was still a toddler for some extra cash during the recession and my mom was being fucking complacent in my trafficking bcuz she was getting drug money im mad im so mad I just want the truth im so fucking sick of the uncertainty

#this is just a vent post. idk #DID and BPD who /j #if anyone wants to respond to this pls be gentle #i need to talk about this with my therapist. bad #have I b4??? i don't rember

[golbrocklovely]

Nobody cares about Sam the way they do Colby, they can pretend to but they don’t. Thats the answer to Colby getting shitted on for any little thing while Sam sometimes does stuff to get people talking and they don’t . Sam subtweets,throws shade at times towards Colby,Kat and other influencers and no one bats an eye.They pretend they don’t see his comments and all the man has to do is delete and not answer anyone that comes at him. He talks about the most disconnected, privileged stuff, some reply and it lands on deaf ears because he doesn’t react and keeps going like no one said anything. He’s blocked people on twitter recently because they brought up his hairline and his flakiness and although those people spoke out, no one cared. Colby has proven time and time again that what people say gets to him, and the bad thing is he responds to it so that feeds the haters and fuels the fire. Its like they get a rise out of getting a reaction from him. As long he keeps feeding into it, they will use anything against him to get a reaction out if him. Its a sick game.

i have a bit of a controversial opinion about sam's fans that i'm gonna save for a later date bc highkey i don't feel like getting into it rn lol

but as for what you said, i think to some degree there are a lot of fans that see sam as this sage, older brother so they listen to him but don't actually take in what he's saying. i think a lot of that has to do with fans being younger and or less experienced in life. so they hear what he's got to say and agree with him outright bc to them he's lived more life. he's more successful and has done more than them so why not listen to him?

but then some of us older/more experienced fans look at what he says and just kinda… blink at it. like, yeah i guess what you said can be true, but that's also not how most ppl's lives work.

i also believe that sam comes across as calm, cool, and collected emotionally and generally. so fans that don't feel that way about themselves think "oh i have to listen to him bc i want to be like that myself." when in reality, sam is a workaholic, emotional mess who's scared of losing his youth but pretends to know what he's doing and constantly works to the bone bc he can't be stagnant long enough to be left alone with his emotions/thoughts.

he's good at hiding all that, for the most part. but if you read between the lines, even for a second, you see the seams falling apart.

i also think you are right about why ppl hate on colby more; colby tries his best to apologize. he interacts with those that hate him, and that in itself garners more haters. they want a reaction and they know they can get one from colby. sam, bc either a) he doesn't care enough to interact or b) doesn't think he did anything wrong, ignores those that send hate his way. he doesn't apologize, he doesn't hash it out. he just says what he wants, and if ppl hate it, he deletes it and never brings it up again. now, idk if that's any better than what colby does, but it definitely works in sam's favor. bc half of the shit colby has been called out for, sam has ALSO done. but bc he doesn't try to fix it or be apologetic, no one remembers it.

as for sam blocking fans, i wish snc would block more of them tbh. some fans go too far, regardless of if they were just trying to be playful or silly or whatever. some say mean shit, so they deserve a block. you don't get to go on a public platform, @ your favorite creators and say mean shit to them and think you can get off scot-free. you ain't besties with them. they don't KNOW YOU. so what you think is a joke just comes across as hate.

and for all the things to yell at sam for, making fun of his hairline (which is something he has made apparent is a sore spot for him) is fucked. to said fans that did that, you deserve the block.

#ask #personal #sam golbach #colby brock #sam and colby

[thedumestflower]

Boyfreinds webcomic criticism/rant

TLDR; boyfriends webtoon is lame and mid because its kinda icky and the writing sucks

Okay so yall hae heard about the boyfriends webtoon comic, and imma talk about why i personally dislike it

(DISCLAIMER: I MEAN NO HATE TO THIS WEBCOMIC OF ITS FANS, IF YOU LIKE IT , THAT VALID, IF YOU DONT LIKE IT, THATS ALSO VALID)

okay so the first main reason to why i dont like this webcomic is that, its well... icky,, niot exactly cringe (i mean yeah it is a little bit "cringe" but i think it just aged poorly, with it being made in early 2020) , but just, a little gross to me. Like the whole thing where the character nerd acts innocent but is actually a pervert, also the fact that hes 19 with the others are like, 20 and older, idk man just feels kind gross. also the fact that the charater goth keeps getting s3xualized even though hes asexual, with things like suggestive scenes to an actual fucking nsfw comic with him and nerd with, holy shit dude, the creator has stated hes a huge flirt but dosent like the s3x, but like, bro??????thats kinda gross to me to see a asexual character that keeps getting sexualized, and yeah asexual ppl can have the s3x but , it still rubs me the wrong way.

and the second reason i dont like this is because its fucking boring as sin to me. OK , ok , hear me out, webcomic being simply not my cup of tea isnt the only reason i think its mid, i also think the writing could be alot better, let me explain.

So the comic, the very beginning of the comic , it just starts out , literally with prep saying (im gonna be paraphrasing here for comedy but you get the pitcure) "omg im so over being single i want boyfren" and goth being like " haha, im gonna get boyfren befor you with my epic gamer rizz" and the nerd just fucking trips and falls, right infront of them, goth helps him up and they talk and make plans for shit. Now, notice how we get no fucking introduction? i mean, we get character cards for them but i think if you can do basic writing, and a simple, "oh im prep and im goth and we go 2 collage , and prep is singl and pathetic , but incredibly oblivious to goth crushing on him for like fuckn whatever years hes been doing this shit" ,like bro its that fucking simple, without setting up a basic background , we have no clue who these characters are and why we should care about them, we jut know that goth get bitches and prep doesn't(at the beginning of the series).

I also feel like more time should have been spent on the boys individual relationships BEFORE they become a official couple and not after , and to the comics credit, they kind do, but they fail to make me care because , again, no character introductions except for those character cards, witch don't really do much for the reader expect give us there name, age, and majors, witch also could have been told to us, along with more infromation about the character like, basic backstory and scene with a simple character introduction at the beginning.

Another problem within this problem is the characters themselves, you see, my problem is that they're stereotypes, witch, isn't bad, as long as its done well. But the creator doesn't do anything really interesting with them, no subversions of expectations , hell, its hard to even call them true to their original stereotypes, yeah prep is enough like a prep and sure i guess jock is enough like a jock, but goth isnt really even,, goth like, i mean character design wise, (im not a big fan of the gothy character stereotype where their just , edgey and shit) , i mean , if you go on Pinterest and type in "gothic aesthetic" you'd get somthing alot more like fancy suits and dresses and abandoned churches, not my immortal draco malfoy.(im sorry ill never make that joke ever again) . also the fact the nerd isnt even that much of a nerd, where the epic gamer shit, where the dnd handbooks, where the info dumping about your favorite obscure pieces of media? the most nerd shit that hes into is problem k-pop, or animal crossing, which, honestly to me, isnt really nerdy , . fucking hell, i mean jock isnt even a fucking himbo, like THE DUMB JOCK STERYOTYPE IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE THATS SUCH A MISSED OPPERTUNITY. So for me, either go big or go home

haha so yeah, thats why i dont like this webcomic, and my criticisms, if you agree with me, thats fine, if you dont agree with me and just want your silly brainrot pastel gays, thats also fine, i dont realy care if you like the webcomic or not.

But if you wish the boyfriends webcomic did something more interesting and cool with theyre characters and wish for a more "dramatic" story, with cool character designs and interesting and dynamics and also was made by someone who shouldn't really be making romance media and is not qualified to do this because they are aro ace but is really into shipping culture, well i do have an idea for a remake of it with all the things listed above, i might make a askblog for it teehee,

well thanks for reading and wasting your fuckn time on this earth

#boyfriends webtoon #boyfriends webcomic #boyfriends webtoon slander #boyfriends webtoon criticism #criticism #rant #gay #lgbtq media

[sunnydice]

cquackbur<3

okay. listen to me. to an extent, i support and agree, and i can be understanding on the base appeal and i can go so far to meet halfway and say maybe i kind of like it sometimes maybe. but to act like the fandom's treatment of everyone involved hasn't deeply soured me on it would be 👍a lie.

first off, i feel like it's the klance of the dsmp lmao. ppl more obsessed w a sharply to the left idealized version of something rather than what's actually on screen, and it's kind of almost insulting to me, because there IS so much there to be enjoyed and explored and unpacked, and yet its squandered bcs people just can't stop being fucking insane and weird abt it and that leads well into my point abt ppl being insane and weird abt cee wilbur ill get to that right now actually.

ive mentioned before that i really really despise the woobification of wilbur in the fan base and that deffo doesn't change in tntduo spaces, if anything it's worse. i feel like people are very eager to scrub away his flaws and agency to make him very palatable, more easy to defend and consume instead of accepting the complexity that their guy kinda sucks bad and that's OKAY 👍 he's deeply hurt and complicated and painfully human, and he's understandable i fucking feel for the guy i really do, but he's also. he can also be very very selfish, and very cruel, and very quick to hurt others in a pursuit to feel good about himself and only himself and it isn't. okay. and he does this a lot w quackity.

wilbur isn't nice to q. he doesn't seem to particularly respect him, not really see him as an "equal" and ESPECIALLY not originally, and while he does come around a bit more, he still puts q on a weird pedestal that q bristles at more than people like to think. and in that tntduo haze, along w that specific brand of wilbur soot apologism, people brush right past those kinda flaws and just. ugh.

one good example of this is the fanbase general consensus of "omggg look at nikis birthday party 😻 look at their romance!!" like wilbur didn't spend the latter half of that calling q worthless and only good to be looked at (something quackity explicitly goes over and over hey fellas can you please not do that to me if i don't ask for it. please.) and the schlatt's bitch isms and then pulling a long ass PURPOSEFUL powerplay where q had to practically beg him to calm down and listen and not blow up manburg, if he could please just give him a chance to talk to schlatt, and niki in the bg of her own party clamoring for wilbur to look at Her abt it please talk to Her abt it and him flatly ignoring her to fuck around w q. but yeah true love♡♡ yeah im sure q walked away from that one incredibly smitten.

or another great example, the way all of hitting on 16 tends to be treated. this interesting conflicting story that shows quackity DOES like parts of wilburs back and forths, he clearly does care abt him, he is clearly having a degree of fun, and just like before wilbur can't stop taking it too far, and people ignoring all of it for ship fodder like thats not a good chunk of the story 😭 the scene where q went "sit down wilbur." and wilbur listening being treated as some fucking weird sexual thing, like it's not quackity coldly shutting down wilbur after he spent 10 minutes calling him stupid and ugly and worthless and then making fun of his scar, q making it a POINT to shut it down and that he's Done w this conversation and then calling wilbur pathetic for it, and wilbur explicitly scrambling over himself because he knew he crossed another line. but lmao yeah true love 👍i too love when my suitors purposely go out of their way to say the most vile shit to me imaginable and then get upset when i go cut that shit out.

even the later scene w tubbo is a great example, their physical fight, it being treated as some ohh it's it SEXY when q pushes wil into a wall like the man isn't genuinely fucking furious at tubbo being put in such danger again be SERIOUS and for WHY. so wilbur can kill his horse for no fucking reason because he "messed w him" BY DOING WHATTTT 😭😭😭 imagine his plan went through and he kills ossium and q is left standing there behind the glass oh real romantic id swoon. girl i would KILL HIM ‼️

and also uhh the fact a lot of tntduors are like plain racist to q can i say that. 👍 can i say that. sorry for being upset abt it.

i have more points too, the way karlnapity or pumpkinduo will be treated in regards to it n again those two have heavy flaws 😬!! im aware!!! i am aware and acknowledge, but to flanderize and criticize both those relationships, to the point of Making Shit Up to make tntduo look better in comparison and then replicating those v critiques within that space because you think it's hot. well be serious is the thing :heart_hands:

anyways, despite my critiques i do find it enjoyable on occasion, i do think it can be so interesting and snappy and (sorry) kismises like in the sense of a rivalry w GENUINE respect and acknowledgement, that push to be better that rush to improve and also gay sex and then maybe...gay love? 😳 but for that to be possible the respect has to become more undeniable it HAS to be both ways and consistent and i feel like more often that not it just isn't the case. and the fandom stuff i have mentioned. pissed me the fuck off forever.

7.5/10 ssorry sorry sso srry don't look at me

#YAAA i hope this made sense i finally got some of my tnt thoughts down thank god!!! feel so much better thank you thes my beloved thes #ask games #zombur #AND ANOTHER THING ppl reducing them to only eachother every single want and need or goal siphoned into this TAR PIT #and even other characters being scrubbed of who they are or what they think so they can just become eyebrow raisers for gay jokes frever #v annoying to me -___- #askatraz

[anissapierce]

cw for true crime stuff, murder.

true crime is sooo uncomfortable. i'm from a small city, kind of in the middle of nowhere, and when i was in high school a classmate's family was murdered. they were involved in enough school stuff that we all kind of knew them. and like, i shared extracurriculars with this classmate. we weren't really friends but we were friendly, you know? he was a suspect for a while, and eventually proven innocent.

i found some true crime content about the case a while back, and it was so fucking bizarre and uncomfortable watching an actor (an adult iirc) PLAYING my classmate during what must have been the worst, most stressful time of his life?

also the reenactments made our school look bigger and wealthier than it was lol, which i was going to say is beside the point, but actually it kind of isn't. some people try to defend true crime by saying it makes you more aware of things and helps you keep yourself safe, but they get very basic things wrong. like idk if it was an oversight or if they deliberately wanted to make my hometown look "nicer" to make the story scarier (to people who live in nicer areas) or what.

Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share that. Yeah people falling for propaganda bc it isnt paint by numbers 'cops good' is so frustrating..honestly hollywood is just incapable of portraying like anything less than upper middle class bc theyre more interesting in upsetting ppls sensibilities than telling the story honestly. Like abbott elementary tells you its a poor school but like ... It doesnt look like tht bc theyre not film in a poor school n recreating one costs too much money. But your theory def plays a part i think. Doing research into set design i cant imagine gets prioritized in twu cwime. Sorry im mostly focusing on your question at the end but like basic behind the scenes of entertainment is something i do know about.

Its def not behind the point for you to notice how media fails to adequately represent something that you had a front seat for bc that Is a part of it. Ppl think that bc they watched reinactments they know more than they do. And even if the reinactments were perfectly cast and designed they wouldn't actually know but thats Movie magic. Theres this flattening of experiences to fit tidy narratives bc our brains are constantly looking for corners to cut but its Imperative that we as humans try to curtail that when we can.

#im sorry that you experienced this and im sorry the kid had to sit idly by as his trauma was exploited for entertainment #asks #anon #murder %

[cloudslou]

okkkk sooooo let's go, brace yourself it's gonna be a long rant. (also sorry if i don't make sense, english isn't my first language)

i am a larrie too and most people i follow here are larries bc i kinda feel like they're a safe space you know? BUT the fandom can be so fucking tiring and annoying sometimes. not everything louis and harry do have to do with larry and that's okay!!!!!! (i know saying something like that can get you dragged to hell in this fandom...anyways. lol) not everything is an easter egg. not everything has to be interpreted (?) a certain way. i know it's fun to find little things in their music that are connected, i get the thrill. but sometimes it's too much, the fandom makes the most out of too little things and it's so ??????. my issue is mostly with how some people in the fandom view louis and his ideas and themes and stuff. let him have his fucking moment without connecting EVERYTHING, every single little detail of his art to harry. they are their own individuals and they have their own career and they make their own art. there are connections and parallels, someone has to be dumb not to see them but sometimes it's good to let them have something for themselves each. - i.e. i saw someone making the fitf ono about how harry had one too and blah blah married yeah we get it!!!!! but what the FUCK does louis promoting his album have to do with harry? what the hell does louis having one, two, whatever special concerts to promote his album have to do with harry? it's like, louis follows every step harry takes (i'm always speaking in terms of their career and art), he does whatever harry does, he doesn't have creative freedom (? not the right phrase but idk how else to say it sorry). it's like some people see his work as a copy of harry's, you know what i mean? this is not meant to be sorry for louis or to pity him, i know he hates that and i know you do too. it's more like, louis is his own person, OUTSIDE of the relationship!!! (as is harry of course), not everything he does has to be depended on the relationship or his partner, he has his own mind, his own ideas, his own creativity. he doesn't have to have anyone as a "step" where he has to be on to build his career (does that make sense?). he's gaining sooooooo much popularity and recognition, i know walls was successful, but this era is on another level. let him fucking have this for HIMSELF. he did that HIMSELF. it's kinda unfair to take that away from him by implying that everything he does has to do with anyone but him.

anyway, this is where the rant ends. didn't wanna make a post about it bc as i said, saying this stuff can get you dragged to hell in this fandom bc let's be honest, there are certain opinions that apparently everyone has to have. thank you for your time and patience. post it if you want, or not idk. of course i'd love to hear your opinion on this. byyeeeeee <3

anon im so glad u came back i was hoping to see a msg from u when i got home from class.

i think im largely on the same page as you!!! i consider myself a larrie and thats mainly who i follow and who my friends r, like thats my Circle in the fandom, but it can be very exhausting when its the only lens ppl use to look at their art. not only is it just a tad annoying, i think its pretty dismissive and reductive to take that approach every time. i have similar feelings abt taylor when ppl jump to immediately connect a song to her public life story and then dont go further. for me its like.... there is so much more to a song (or any piece of art) than its "true" meaning (and i say that liberally because even when larries connect on of hl's songs to the other or their real lives, this is no more "true" than connecting a song to a girlfriend, etc, i think there's too much certainty by fans in this fandom) and it limits ur enjoyment of a song i think to not push to break out of that box.

also i think people drawing connections between career stuff is mostly. connecting dots that arent there. one-off concerts are not a rarity and theres already differences in their album release shows. i dont follow many musicians super closely, but i believe ashe also had an album release show last month. and (iirc) lthq said these shows will be a mix of songs from walls and fitf (so it wont be a straight through play of the album like harry's ono show are).

#ask #anon #like u said #i like the thrill #but the thrill doesnt belong to.....everything

[sadisticyouko]

"dont be afraid to reach out im mostly normal!" number one way to directly not appeal to me JGKZJF /JKJK LMAO but u should know back when i first made my tumblr my url was weirdobsessivenerd and Weirdo was literally what i went by as my name (then i discovered kinning and started going by rouge and now also kurama lol) so like. im Absolutely one to embrace weirdness and encourage it in others, so! dont hold back that unhinged-ness! its precisely what draws me to people HFKHZKG when i say Chill i absolutely mean someone that feels like theyd probably be easy to just relax n be myself around. hang out being Cool Bros. which basically equals being unjudgemental and a bit of a freak (said absolutely positively but i wont use that again if ur uncomfortable with being called that!!)

but ANYWAYZ yeah sending out asks n responding through that feels a lot less...... contained? whatever the hell that means for Conversations but its the vibe lol. exactly like what u were saying. its like im pokin my head out of my lil fox den and yelling out across the field instead of inviting someone inside bgksbfjnzf also yea i totally get the social battery thing thats Super how it is for me too. if were ever chattin n u just drop off out of nowhere and show back up in a couple days continuing the same convo i will not judge bc i Super Relate JFKHSJF

also im not like Super exactly like my kins all the time its more like an internal thing. they may not always reflect me but i still get the feeling of Thats Me. cant always explain it tjjsbf then theres the case of some kins of being exactly how i am irl and some i connect to so hard for one reason or another that i just absorb all of their characteristics into myself bkdjfkd i have a lot of mha kins bc it was my Big Hyperfixation before yyh completely steamrolled over everything in my brain lol, most of them are lower kins tho but my bigger ones are def himiko, la brava, ochako, and shoto!

tbh i kinda wonder how into yyh i woulda been if i discovered it when i was younger, it feels like i may not have been as into it as i am now? which is weird to picture bc rn im Severely hyperfixated on it, i cant imagine having any other sort of relationship to the series jfkdhkf AND HIEI IS SO. FUCKING. ATTRACTIVE. only the second character to break through my asexuality and sex repulsion fjkdjfkd i cant believe he actually makes me so wild over his muscles when ive literally never given any fucks about abs n shit all my life. his hotness is just too powerful fjsjf AND IM ALWAYS ADORING HOW TINY HE IS BUT IN REALITY HES JUST A FEW INCHES SHORTER THAN ME TOO BC IM 5'2" LMAO. but. i always picture his height in comparison to kuramas human and youko forms and it makes me crazy HFKSJKF little man i want to pick him up and kiss him as hes frustrated and flustered about being carried so easily like that and annoyed at himself that he actually likes it 🥰

also if u do like those songs lmk owo!! im always curious to see if others will like a song i recommend hehe. and if u like aggressive music then boy do i have plenty of that bc edgy shit is like my #1 thing i love to listen to HFKSHKF

Omg pretending I’m normal is how I try to fit in ! That’s my inner shuichi trying to blend in with this classmates 😂 I’m a little bit of a weirdo too but I like pretending to be normie passing, I’m like a snail hiding all it’s weirdness under the shell 😂 my first username was tsukisbadgirl so I GET IT 😂😂 I was SUPER into bakugou I mean I still like him but he’s been replaced as my #1 since I got into Tokyo revengers 😂 I will let you know all about my weirdness tendencies but pretend its perfectly normal like 2 seconds later hehe

& yea wild open asks are the best lol IDK WHY but it’s all so true ! I’m glad u won’t judge if I can’t reply right away cuz sometimes I need to disappear and then I feel bad if I try to come back later ! Ohhh the kin thing makes sense too ! Maybe I’m not kinning too many ppl from mha rn cuz I’m hyper fixated on Tokyo revengers now ! I kin like SO MANY PPL from there but I am hopelessly obsessed with it so that might be why 😂 (especially manjiro, he is plaguing my every waking & slumbering moment now 👀)

asbfoajsos Hiei’s MUSCLES keep drawing me back like a little magnet and I am RESISTING 😂😂 why is he built like that ?? I mean I know why but omg WHY DOES IT LOOK SO GOOD ?? i hate it, if Kurama had nearly half the shirtless scenes hiei did I’d be even more unhinged but they didn’t give him the chance !! 😭 SOBBING. I like to be the one that gets manhandled tbh but I feel like even with Hiei’s height he could still get it done 😏 and then im like NO ! INTRUSTIVE THOUGHTS I WANT KURAMA ! and ahdisnsiaosndk 😂 im mostly attracted to ppl based on personality rather than physicality but once im attracted to the person it opens the flood gates and all of a sudden everything about them seems hot 😩

But yes I will let u now about the songs !! It might take me a while like my reading list lol ahdisbskdn BUT I will eventually get to it ! I do things very sporadically and depending on inspiration level so I can’t be held accountable 😂

#sadisticyouko asks #i don’t feel like working today #that’s unrelated but still ! i need coffee lol #sadisticyouko rants #not writing

[rue-bennett]

The strange thing about jlaw is that even though she is most famous for thg thats not what I connect mentally with her at all. She hasn’t even had other films I’ve been obsessed with or are more relevant. She’s just a nebulous a lister in my head in a way the Emma Watson in contrast is not.

Oooh this is a very interesting point actually and I very much agree with this? Like is it because THG was so long ago and she’s done so much since then, or because her personality is so big, like is she a Movie Star fr maybe? (In a way that there are very few under 40.)

But so true, I mean Emma Watson has not been in really ~prestigious movies and hasn’t been in many period since HP. Like yes some notable exceptions like Little Women, but that was her last role I think and it was more than five years ago and she wasn’t getting acting noms let alone awards. (Also ik ik The Bling Ring, Perks, some scifis and random stuff but nothing where it was like wow that’s An Actor! Where like Daniel Radcliffe tries to break out of the box and he’s not great but he’s successful at that at least, as much as Harry Potter himself can be.)

I think HP is much more part of the cultural consciousness like Star Wars and LOTR (for better and definitely for worse, JKR, etc) while THG was very big I feel like it’s more Twilight ish? Where it made hugeee pop culture waves, never will fully die, tons of emulation, launched careers, and it’s better than Twilight in every way except for laughing at it bc kids slaughtering each other isn’t funny but “spider monkey” absolutely is).

I feel like none of the HP kids will ever escape it. Hell the Twilight actors have a hard time escaping it, I saw Kristen get asked about Twilight when promoting Love Lies Bleeding (and I’m sure it was more than once). But yeah. I’ll have to think about this more I’m just saying words at this point but yeah. Emma also doesn’t seem interested in acting anymore, I could see her directing (since… she’s starting w commercials and has more or less said as much) or maybe writing.

So I think part of it is franchise and part of it is that she’s differentiated herself enough in her roles that this is possible. Bc interestingly she was even in a bunch of X-Men movies lol, she didn’t shy away from franchises and I could see her doing it again. I think ppl will always Know her from THG but yeah it’s not what comes to mind first for me either. While again Twilight I feel follows around all the actors lol even though two of the three leads are good, working, successful actors. But none have had true blockbuster leading success like Jlaw either? Even like, mild success like No Hard Feelings or fucking Red Sparrow or Joy or Silver Linings Playbook (ofc Oscar there) and American Hustle.

#asks #anonymous #celeb talk #okay im gonna actually stop but ur onto something here anon

[gunmetal-ring]

for the choose violence ask game, because you haven't been choosing violence lately! (and you can do this for any ship if you want) 6, 13, 14 please :)

Oh hi! Also i do feel like ive chosen violence lately but scrolling thru my tumblr it seems like maybe its only been on discord not here so nvm then lmao. Thanks for your close eye im very flattered ❤️

6- which ship fans are the most annoying:

Okay im taking this literally - youre asking "annoying" not "what is the most evil behavior you have seen in the name of shipping" so im answering it as such. And itll probably be... well ig not rly a ship but more just the ppl who go to any and all lengths to insist that caryl is platonic bff status 4ever. Like theres ppl who just believe it and shrug, and there are ppl who make it their lifes fucking mission to pop up in rbs and rts and whatever to be like ACTUALLY THEY CALLED EACH OTHER THEIR BEST FRIEND SO THERE and its like a) im rly sorry that youve never had a partner that you consider your best friend and b) i feel very secure in my "dreamt they were married with a kid" and "i love you as parting words" knowledge that caryl is, in fact, romantic. But its annoying. Like little flies to swat away. Like who is this hurting. Actually in general anyone who goes out of their way to comment "i dont like this ship" on a post or whatever is annoying. Everyone is annoying. Except ppl who ship caryl and hellcheer.

13- worst blorboification

Mr guitar hero himself. Yes hes a gremlin idiot doofus w a heart of gold, but he is also an asshole who likes intimidating ppl and mocking ppl and generally being a menace. Thats WHY his scene w chrissy was so special. We saw him go straight from unprovoked yelling at a roomful of ppl and manhandling nervous children -> quite literally falling all over himself to make a sad scared pretty girl laugh. He contains multitudes. Hes not a one note puppy dog. Appreciate his assholery. Blorbify THAT.

14- that one thing you see in fics all the time

Oo... this is 100% choosing violence... OOOOO.......... OOO!!!!!! also im assuming this is meant to be "see it all the time and its a bad thing" so thats fhe reason for my ooos

There are so many. So many. SO. MANY. So many hellcheer fics w certain kinks that are extremely triggering and off putting to me and its not even always in a pwp context and its not always tagged either and it feels like its rapidly increasing in presence and frequency and i feel like you could probably piece together what it is from my hints + my previous posts vaguely mentioning it but believe me i have Thoughts and that is 100% choosing violence and anyway. Its in fics. A lot. And its upsetting as a general thing to me but the normalization of it is directly correlated w the lack of tagging it and yeah its just like. Gah

Anyway im gonna end on a happy nonviolencechoosing note and say my favorite fanon is that both eddie and chrissy are bi lmao bc im bi and also it seems like so many hellcheer shippers are bi also which is magnifique. I think part of it is the whole subversive aspect - cheerleader girl is supposed to be with jock boy but instead shes w antithesis of jock? Metalhead boy is supposed to hate conformity and instead is w the most stereotypical manifestation of conformity? Just rings very true to me as a bi woman re secret longing and innermost desire and scary-but-freeing acknowledgment of living outside your prescribed box etc etc. Anyway thanks/sorry lmao

#op #ask #anon #am i going to regret this? time will tell.

[time-is-restored]

do u guys think it maybe says smth that im currently getting more narrative + emotional fulfilment from dostoevsky that Hates You as compared to the fucking football sitcom.

anyway patho au thoughts below <3 <- (it actually turned into a manifesto abt my thoughts abt Original flavour pathologic. will add au thoughts in a reblog otherwise this is gonna be unconscionably long LMAO)

the thing about the Macro Metaphor™ (oh yeah baby this is gonna be a POST) in pathologic is like. at least w how i experienced it pathologic had to be a video game because it had to give its players the closest thing to free will that is possible in a world that has been crafted from the ground up to give you An Experience™.

and the fact that what little free will we APPEAR to have is largely an illusion cast by various dialogue trees stating that we are doing something unexpected is . very much the point! to get anything out of pathologic you have to 100% buy into the fiction as presented to you. bc the game is incredibly meta, that includes buying into the idea that what u are playing IS at its core a video game made by ppl w a very specific and esoteric mission statement, who are doing their level best to funnel u towards the themes + questions that they find most important within this narrative.

. okay ive gotta talk about The Loop actually strap the fuck in (note: a lot of what follows is copied + pasted from me explaining my feelings abt pathologic to someone who Has Not Played pathologic, so sorry if im being over explanatory at points!)

so in clara's route there's a specific bit of dialogue u can get w the developers where they say clara is 'the only one out of the three [protagonists] that could accomplish a True miracle. who could break the loop.'

the 'loop' in question is. kind of hard to pin down. but its basically referring to the inherent contradiction at the heart of pathologic existing as a game: the developers wanted to explore how it is impossible for a miracle to exist in anything other than a temporary moment of spontaneity. if you try to cage it, it is no longer a miracle, it is a process which has consequences (in the game, this consequence is - at least according to some povs - the plague):

SO they give the player a closed system of a world, in which free will is By Definition impossible (you can't do anything the developers haven't explicitly programmed in), and essentially ask you to perform a miracle. on one hand, they admit to hoping that you can do it. on the other, they acknowledge it's impossible, without some Other miracle interceding.

thats why, in this same conversation w the developers, they talk abt the other healers' endings like they are simultaneously predestined, and like they can be changed after all! like here:

^ put a pin in that 'except for a lapse of judgement, but we're not concerned with that' comment!

SO. this is what's so interesting about CLARA being (apparently!) able to break the loop

bc the only thing that concretely sets clara apart from the others (they all have a bunch of superficial differences, but im pretty sure its not bc she's a girl, or a child, for example) is that she has no backstory.

she wakes up with no memory of her life, no real understanding of herself outside of what she is being accused of being (a thief, and a plague bearer). she is able to lie (state something about herself that has nothing in the game supporting it) without lying (state something about herself that has nothing in the game contradicting it).

due to pathologic's own rules (in this case, im literally just referring to it being a video game that was coded by a team and then released on steam), there is no way for a character to truly do something unexpected. clara acknowledges this specifically and gets rlly morbid abt it here:

however! because pathologic is inherently a conversation between the developers and the players, and the developers can't actually control OR react to the completely internal experience the player has while playing the game, there is a level of free will here that can't actually be eroded!

the game can TRY to account for as many different dialogue options, quests, endings, general opinions abt the world + its characters, but bc the total amount of code has to stop somewhere before infinity, it can't get it 100% right. there are emotions + opinions abt pathologic that u are going to experience as a player that pathologic itself cannot or has not accounted for!

clara's miracle is that she's (in universe) as unrestrained by the programmers as the player is (out of universe). she can't be caged any more than u can! YOU can't be caged bc u literally don't exist in the world that the developers have 100% control over, even while they spend several hundred hours of gameplay trying to convince u that u do. and CLARA can't be caged bc there's literally nothing to tie her down! she has no degree of verisimilitude that she has to stick to, no bounds on what is reasonable vs unreasonable for her to do. we ultimately don't know enough about her for her to ever be 'out of character'.

pathologic is inherently a role playing game, but when clara (or, technically, you AS clara) rejects the role she is given, you break from one of the most restrictive shackles the game has had weighing u down in the past two playthroughs. daniils often a prick to ppl he shouldn't be, burakh can't be neutral about His Fucking Town Dying, etc. if u took those things away from the characters just to give the player more freedom AS a player, the game would be compromising with you - something that pathologic explicitly refuses to do (14% of ppl who play the game ever beating n1, etc).

but clara can say fucking ANYTHING!! like. i cannot emphasise enough that you, as the player, as clara, lie about the fact that you have an identical twin, and then summon this twin into existence. its literally the first thing you do in the whole game!

because that's the rule!!! the player cannot be allowed to say something about the world that isn't true, without the explicit and recognisable intent of telling a falsehood! but NOTHING that clara says can be demonstrated to be false, bc there's nothing to check against!!! the executors EVEN imply that the version of clara you meet throughout the game (the one u call the 'evil twin'), IS actually clara, and those conversations are the PLAYER talking to the 'original' clara. which means that by PLAYING the game, you are in equal parts replacing + rewriting clara!

again, this isn't even CLOSE to the degree ur able to transform the other protagonists - the opinions they do/don't have abt their own fate + endings are explicitly laid out to u in black and white. daniil can think the polyhedron is beautiful, OR he can be afraid of it, etc. while you can CHOOSE to change ur mind between each conversation, there is no 'both' or 'neither' option at any point. you have to pick from what ur given.

like . this is the dialogue u get after asking abt what the haruspex's route was 'about'. the line before this says 'Executor: Diverging branches. He was the only one who could attain true freedom. He wasn't facing the kind of dilemma that the ever-deceived Bachelor found so dismal.'

its like. this is simultaneously the most obtuse thing these fuckers say in the whole game but also!!! there were feelings involved!!!!!!!!!

the 'loop' is that there is no freedom, and yet there is love. the game is not real but you get attached to the player characters as if it is. you see things through their eyes, and start to agree that these pre-determined, tragic resolutions to an explicitly harsh binary choice are correct, for the characters enacting them (HENCE THE 'except for a lapse of judgement' comment! pull that pin back out! yes, anyone who plays the bachelor's route is able to CHOOSE to guide him towards another ending. but how many of those players are able to genuinely sit with the bachelor's ideals + fears, and convince themselves that that is an action he himself would take! not you, but dankovsky! the developer's aren't concerned with any given instance of the player abusing their authority over the healers' lives. they're INTERESTED in taking that authority and choosing not to abuse it. to commit to the world as written. to make the impossible choice).

clara's route is like yes obviously there is a journey programmed in here there is an ending just like there is for every other character, and clara (the npc, when you don't play as her) argues for it just as strongly as you do when ur playing her + taking her over. but what's JUST as inevitable is that someone will push past that, will play through her route, will separate her out from the developer's (admitted!) confusion + rush + muddled intentions, and make a true miracle happen! its a loop! but its a miraculous one! the miracle is that you played the game at all!!

look at this! look at clara staring her fate as written in the eye, and saying 'fuck off, im busy!'

the miracle is the fact that the developers, while making a game about how you cannot cage a miracle/force one to persist, gave the player enough freedom to prove them wrong. the miracle is the fact that clara rejects her fate-as-written, to be the plague bearer, to destroy the game and everyone involved in it, and instead DEMANDS to be a miracle-worker who can and will save the town and all the lives within it. the miracle is that you save everyone that it is possible to save. the miracle is that you want to save them at all. the miracle is that the player finishes all three routes of pathologic. the miracle is that anyone who experiences this game, first-hand or second-hand, whether they finished it or not, now has a totally unique experience w and interpretation of that game. freedom clawed from the jaws of a closed system.....

the miracle! is art!!!!! is the inherent flimsiness of communication, both symbolic and written and visual and auditory and!!!!!!!! the miracle is that you're playing a game made two decades again written in RUSSIAN while the game developers pull out literally every trick in the book to make you have a TERRIBLE time and want to give up and you DON'T!!!! you refuse to give up on what they're telling you! you refuse to not let this experience matter, in however small a way!!!!!!!!!

the miracle is that the game devolpers could not build a tomb foreboding enough to keep the players from diving in head first, crashing face first into spice traps and vats of acid and plague bearing rats and fucking homing-missile knives and. idk. mummies or some shit what the hell do you find in a cursed tomb

the miracle is that the game means something to you even when the game is actively trying to force u to give up + let go of any sense of agency and control. 'your actions are meaningless, you are helping no one, this bloodshed is inevitable and in many concrete ways you are making it worse' -> 'OH BOY DAY FIVE <3'

the miracle is also that clara convinces like seven fucking people to die for her but. y'know. this might as well happen.jpg

like . this is the dialogue u get after asking abt what the haruspex's route was 'about'. the line before this says 'Executor: Diverging branches. He was the only one who could attain true freedom. He wasn't facing the kind of dilemma that the ever-deceived Bachelor found so dismal.'

its like. this is simultanoeusly the most obtuse thing these fuckers say in the whole game but also!!! there were feelings involved!!!!!!!!!

the 'loop' is that there is no freedom, and yet there is love. the game is not real but you get attached to the player characters as if it is. you see things through their eyes, and start to agree that these pre-determined, tragic resolutions to an explicitly harsh binary choice are correct, for the characters enacting them (HENCE THE 'except for a lapse of judgement' comment! yes, anyone who plays the bachelor's route is able to CHOOSE to guide him towards another ending. but how many of those players are able to genuinely sit with the bachelor's ideals + fears, and convince themselves that that is an action he himself would take! the developer's aren't concerned with any given instance of the player abusing their authority over the healers' lives. they're INTERESTED in taking that authority and choosing not to abuse it. to commit to the world as written. to make the impossible choice).

clara's route is like yes obviously there is a journey programmed in here there is an ending just like there is for every other character, and clara (the npc, when you don't play as her) argues for it just as strongly as you do when ur playing her + taking her over. but what's JUST as inevitable is that someone will push past that, will play through her route, will separate her out from what the developers wanted from her, and make a true miracle happen! its a loop! but its a miraculous one! the miracle is that you played the game at all!!

#pathologic au #this is VERY long under the cut open at ur own risk #the bulk of this was written in an absolute frenzy to vee my dear friend vee. they tried so hard to understand what the fuck i was going on #abt <3 anyway hi. i think lyth activated some sort of sleeper agent code phrase in my mind w this au i haven't been able to be normal abt #this game OR noonethinkslikethisuareabrokenperson trio in w e e k s