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petty-crush · 7 years

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“Alien: Covenant”

-I fucking loved this film, utterly and wholly because Ridley Scott let his freak flag fly

-this film is mythological in stature; combining Greek gods, Mary Shelley, Old Testament, haunted houses, the cosmos; goddamn delightful

-as the first shot implies, the android David is our protagonist

-in fact this film starkly makes me realize that he is kinda the whole key to the “Prometheus” saga (which makes it separate from “Alien” saga) +everyone else plays second fiddle /he is an id for Ridley

-this might be Fassbender’s greatest performance yet; he is given great leeway and pedestals for the character and hits all of them on the bullseye

-I think the little opening mini movie is marvelous; deftly setting up the idea of mortality and creation

-nice to Guy Pierce play Weyland young, allowing him to put his distinctive gravitas stamp on the character

-the shot of David at the piano is a scrumptious shot that exists inside the film and by itself

-the scope of the space station with the yellow sail, immediately tips us off this will be a grand adventure, far away from the tight corridors of “Alien” and very much its own thing, in the 50’s sci fi mold +I love it

-didn’t expect a person to burn to death in their cryo sleep chamber. A sharp note to unsettle our nerves

-Fassbender plays a second, pretty much identical looking android named Walter, and his very small adjustments become pronounced the more we see him interact, creating a separate identity

-he is much more docile and very tender to the grieving Daniels (the wife of the burned man)

-Daniels is played by Katherine Waterson, who has a moppet look but fierce convictions

-I find her scene mourning his loss and their shattered co life together very moving and well done +interesting to note a woman getting over a man’s death when often in films it’s very much the opposite

-what is up with both films in “Prometheus” saga making the pilot the most amusing character, and a name actor playing them? Ideas Elba before, Danny McBride killing it here

-I laughed out loud when the Daniel’s ex is revealed to be James Franco; face timing while rock climbing without a safety rope is exactly what his reputation would infer he would do

-I find the use of McBride humming along to the transmission to the tune of John Denver very amusing +again echoing Elba playing Stephen Stills’ “love the one you’re with” (and I suppose the disco in Scott’s “The Martian”). 70’s music in the 22nd century. Interesting motif

-I like how the film establishes billy crudup’s character as a total chickenshit, unable to handle the responsibility of leading the crew +interesting detail where it talks about him being super religious, referring to his fellow colonists as “my flock”, leaving him thought to be unsuitable to delegate and survive under pressure

-crudup of course ignores waterson’s perfectly good advice and reservations, which makes me wonder if the morale of the Universe is “He should have listened to her; the story of the cosmos”

-it is very strange to see so such forest and green land in this series

-I particularly like the line “do you hear that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing”

-the chemical warfare of “Prometheus” is very pronounced as the black substance makes its way into the victims ears noses; again, this directly clashes with the Ripley saga but it’s doing its own thing here and and is pretty consistent

-nice little moment as Walter tries to comfort Daniels’ reservations by simply stating “it would make a lovely spot for a cabin” then walks away; contrast to Crudup’s character overselling how great he finds it, and continues to rattle off how over worried he found Daniels, this smothering her and make her apprehensive +brevity is the soul of wit is set up here

-good god, there is a ton of blood here, a smattering of it

-I find the scene where the first infected strobes out and spurts blood out his back to be effectively creepy

-I’m considering the creature in this film (“neomorph”) a in between. Not as well designed as the giger perfection, but a huge step up from the black sea liquor from “Prometheus”. It is startling and very well directed

-a masterful little shot as a dead colonist is shown partially in frame, his wedding ring clearly in shot, another man cupping his head, and whispering to his mouth “I love you”; succinctly setting up their same sex love and marriage

-the neomorph is definitely far more animalistic in this film. It’s given unhuman like movements, that suggest more primal instincts

-I cannot do justice to the goosebumps I felt as the party was lead by its stranger savior and we see the charred bodies and landscapes

-the stranger savior is at this point revealed to be David (with iggy pop type hair at first) who then hijacks back the film, rightfully so

-immensely hilarious moment as David shoulder knocks Walter, and adds “Hello there, brother”

-David is giving me Dr. Pretorius (“Bride of Frankenstein”)/Dr. Moreau (“Island of Dr. Moreau”) vibes +ie creators who bent the structure of biology and didn’t care who got destroyed in the way

-there is a long, long scene where Walter and David take turns playing the flute that is frankly worthy of an entire essay in itself

-firstly, it’s a big fuck you to anyone who was dismayed by the flute segment in “Prometheus” +there it was five seconds, here it’s like 10 minutes and two identical people are doing it at the same time

-secondly, they are playing the fucking theme to “Prometheus” on said flute +those is self-reference in the scale of Mel Brooks (and makes me think Ridley was grinning during the Sean bean-“lord of the rings” scene in “The Martian”

-the line to Watler from David “just blow, I will take care of the fingering”

-it is revealed that David unnerved people by being so human like in temperament that future versions like Walter were “streamlined”/neutered, so that Walter can play but not compose +there’s going to be a whole genetic modification bit coming up, but now I realize how eugenics/forced sterilization this sounds

-the contrasting glee in David’s voice and unease in Walter’s eyes as David relates how he was around their creator when he died, and David notes “he was stupid and weak, like all humans”

-the whole scene the camera is robotically swerving around clearly adding to the tension the audience feels in witnessing this unorthodox meeting

-needless to say, the film takes a monumental leap and variance in tone hereafter

-David mentions that Shaw (From “Prometheus”, last seeing going with David as a decapicated head) died, but she was “so kind to me” and David loved her -“much the same way Walter looks at you” (Daniels disagrees) “oh, does he call it ‘duty’? I know the difference”

-Ridley is really digging into the horror elements of the film as the neomorph comes up the wall and severs a woman’s head, leaving it floating in a full sink +the neomorph is eating her shoulder, shoring carnivore habits for the time in this universe

-one of the strangest moments (and there will be plenty coming up) where David and the tall albino neomorph are communicating via breathing

-the most emotion David has is when crudup kills it and David screams “how could you?!? He trusted me!”

-crudup has a equally odd non sequitur where he threatens David to “tell me what is going on, or I will destroy your perfectly calm composure”

-this film is bizarre and exploitive in the extreme

-for those that are keeping track, the importance hierarchy is as follows David neomorphs/xenomorphs humans +we are fucked

- my favorite sequence in the entire film as we see (via David’s memories?) that he dropped the entire payload of black goo/chemical weapons upon an unsuspecting engineer population (who look totally different from ones we saw in “Prometheus” in facial structures and eyes) and they die as the goo descends upon them like locusts. +it seriously looks straight out of Exodus as God wrecked his vengeance upon Pharioh

-so yes, that was the charred bodies we saw before

-we see the lair of David as it is littered with graphs, illustrations, designs of his work in the goo into the neomorph and beyond + his response, dripping with sarcasm: “idle hands are the devil’s anything”

-we are officially one step closer to classic “Alien” universe as the first facehugger is introduced (to kill crudup)

-Daniels is trying to reach Tennessee (Danny McBride) as still others are getting slaughtered, the neomorphs are clearly the hounds to David’s Satan

-line of the film as crudup wakes up to see David, asks him what his religion is, and he responds “Creation”

-a early beta of the xenomorph is here (still not quite Giger 100), as he splits from Crudup’s chest after the question, and he dances, mimicking the moments of David +David looks like a puppet master pulling the strings

-more facehugger madness as others go after the remaining human sheep

-much like “Prometheus” this multi million dollar film has a strikingly low opinion of humanity + at this point, two films in, the expendable nature of the vast majority of people therein is a feature, not a bug

-positively bizarre sequence as David tempts Walter to his side, kissing him(self) on the lips, before ripping out his neck battery, depowering him

-I neglected to mention just before that my second favorite line of the film, after Walter cited a line then asks who did it, David answers Byron but Walter correctly notes “No, Shelley. If one section of the orchestra is off, it changes the entire symphony doesn’t it?”

-David has officially gone too far

-David coos “no one knows what it is like to dream and be perfect like myself”

-remember early when I said the importance scales? Well, since Ridley seems to see David as a propionate of creation, therefore a creator it would perhaps follow as such Artists Art People

-possibly subliminal moment where David corners Daniels and she’s asks what really happened to Shaw, and David says “this” then forces a kiss upon Daniels +so did this robot, who was too human for other humans, teach the neomorph to rape?

-Walter is back (they made a few safety measures since David) and this we get to see someone hitting his own face repeatedly +it is fucking weird to see this brawling action in a Ridley Scott film

-Tennessee is here to save the day, but now the brute pronto xenomorph is here, and this murder is getting more grisly by the second

-David asks Walter to decide whether to reign in hell or serve in heaven as he reaches for a knife

-the sequence where Daniels is held by a straight line as she keeps falling over the side of the ship, swings and shoots at the proto xeno is jaw dropping

-is Tennessee the giant claw dropper of doom as he uses an arm to crush the proto xeno? Seems like it

-you better believe I was eagle eyes to see if it was Walter or David helping Daniels

-aboard the main ship there is a unidentified life form aboard, but where are the co pilots?

-in a scene straight out of the sleaziest slasher from the 80’s (like prime “Friday the 13th”) the co pilots are having shower sex (to some r&b music) when the xenomorph puts his phallic tail between their genitals +then impale tongue’s the guy’s head. Sexploitation!

-every close up on Fassbender’s face is a mini master class in suspense

-I fucking cannot believe they brought back the xenomorph point of view, the first time since “Alien 3”

-this second proto xeno is slobbering like the cerberus he is

-my heart is pounding like a jackhammer the entire time Daniels is staying barely ahead of the creature

-“care to lend a lady a hand?” might be the mantra of this depraved series

-the subtle continuity of the cabin comes up as her face screams in terror as she realizes David is here, and there are no cabins in hell

-one final twist of the screw as David coughs up some proto xeno eggs and looks upon the vast laboratory of human frogs to dissect

-this film took everything I loved about “Prometheus” and kicked it up ten notches, while adding many many more layers of cosmic craziness. Oh, and blood. + I am fully confident the “Prometheus” saga will gain a cult following and be seen as one man’s tremendous exploitation of his own creation(like David?) and a particular, articulate and demented journey into space hell.

-I myself feel the flames get higher and higher, and wonder if I will be making repeat journeys to this particular corner again. I feel it to be so.

#alien covenant #ridley scott #michael fassbender #danny mcbride #katherine waterston #billy crudup #prometheus #alien series #long reads #alien franchise #film #art

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dingoes8myrp · 7 years

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My Beef with Alien: Covenant

I had a lot of beef with this movie, and I didn’t expect to, so it really hit me in the face and left an unpleasant taste in my mouth that’s still lingering two days later. While this wasn’t a bad movie by any means, I personally strongly disliked it and I think it marks the nail in the coffin of this franchise. My reasons why are in a spoiler-heavy review below.

The opening scene really set this movie off on a bad note, in my opinion. I felt like I was in detention sitting in this room watching what looked like a deleted scene from Prometheus they crammed in here to remind us who David is, which made his “surprise” reappearance later a total “No shit” moment.

When Michael Fassbender-As-A-Different-Android was the first person we met aboard Covenant, that was just confusing. Two different androids have never been played by the same actor in the franchise, so the fact that suddenly Michael Fassbender is playing both David and Walter was kind of “Huh?” It made me think “Well, the only reason they did that has to be because at some point in this movie we’re not going to be able to tell David apart from this guy.” That totally took the punch out of David’s sneaky “I’m going to pretend to be Walter to get off this rock” moment and the twist of “Holy shit, it’s David!” because, yeah, no shit. We saw that coming a mile away. It also meant for the first act of the movie I was trying to figure out if Walter was legit, or if it was David in disguise, or what.

Right away, the ship was met with some kind of catastrophe because of course it was. Some guy burns up in a cryo chamber and I don’t care because we have no idea who Deep-Fried is until several scenes later when we gather he’s Short-Hair-Girl’s husband and Underqualified-Billy-Crudup is now our captain. This film lacked the character development we saw in Alien, Aliens, and Prometheus, which made this feel more like some “Random Teens Get Together in A Cabin in the Woods to Be Murdered” movie, only in space.

Speaking of which, we have a totally bloated cast of characters, none of whom are developed further than a few stereotypical surface traits, if that. When everyone starts dying horrifically right off the bat, we learn everyone on this ship was married to someone else. So when a chunk of the cast dies, most of the remaining characters are left emotionally crippled because “Oh my God, my spouse just died!” Literally, if you’re not a shady android, your only options as a cast member of this film were to be an expendable spouse or a grieving spouse. This meant that every single character was making dumb snap decisions because “Ahh! The grieving!” or something. I don’t even think anyone thought it through that much, to be honest. Oh, and of course we have our two non-emotionally-crippled cast members (also married, but we don’t know that until they die later), but they’re just hanging out on a ship awaiting further instructions and have no idea anything horrific is happening because comm problems. What?

Okay, we know this is an Alien movie, which means several cast members are going to die horribly. But, could you maybe not slap us in the face by not even bothering to give us any character development at all? “Here, watch a bunch of people die in space because aliens” really isn’t what made the original Alien great. We had a competent crew with a comradery we got to see before everything went to shit, which made their motives and behaviors make sense. This was like watching an improvised Whose Line is it Anyway skit where everyone got handed a slip of paper with a vague character description, and no one had any clue what anyone else was doing. It was like Crudup’s Wife didn’t even know she was his wife and when she died he only just remembered it himself. When the two Flight Crew people were showering together that was a total surprise. Nothing about them expressed they were at all fond of each other, let alone a couple. The only relationship I bought was Short-Haired-Lady’s and Deep-Fried’s and we don’t even get his end of it at all.

When we get to the “explore a strange planet” part of the story everyone’s brains just fall out of their heads, and this is before everybody’s spouses die horribly. I mean, I get that these guys aren’t yet aware of the dangers of Xenomorphs because these are pre-Ripley films. However, this is still a strange planet they got some kind of weird message from. You would think there’d be some basic precautions like “don’t leave anyone alone somewhere because some screwy animal could jump out of a bush and bite somebody” or “don’t clomp all over strange looking spores with your big ass boots.” I mean, it makes no sense that before they leave Covenant they all pack their weapons as if they expect trouble, but then tra-la-la around the planet with no concern at all for their safety. No shit they all start dying, because everyone’s kind of stupid for no apparent reason. Examples? Alrighty.

Captain Crudup commits two horror movie sins at once by suggesting they split up so half of them can investigate the strange noise, which comes in the form of a garbled radio transmission. Captain’s Wife tries to wander off alone and is saddled with Guy with Cigarette as a sidekick. Doesn’t matter because they split up anyway and he contracts the space asthma and doesn’t let anyone know. Captain’s Wife notices Cigarette Guy’s not feeling well, but ignores it. Meanwhile Obnoxious Dude does the same thing as Guy with Cigarette in his group, going off alone and getting space asthma and not mentioning it to anybody. Captain’s Wife then decides to bring Sick Cigarette Guy back to the ship so he can spread his sick to everyone else, and Panicky Blond Girl lets them in because she doesn’t have a Man in Charge to tell her not to, ‘cause comm problems and Dipshit Captain.

Everything goes to shit quickly as Panicky Blonde Girl tries to handle a back-burster and instead makes the ship into a fiery hellhole. Luckily they have the Covenant crew waiting in the wings in case of this exact thing… oh, wait. Comm problems, so no they don’t. So, we have aliens chomping and bursting their way through this group of useless dummies, but totally-not-a-surprise!David shows up to rescue them. Except David is shady as fuck from his intro and while this is noted, no one seems to care. No one asks questions about all the corpses outside his dwelling either. Seriously, how did these people get their jobs?

The absence of Shaw was troubling to say the least, and David’s “she died in the crash” story stank of bullshit. As David’s sanity began to reveal itself to be absent and the crew got picked off one by one I wondered what the hell happened to this movie. The end of Prometheus set Shaw up to be our answer to Ripley in this collection of films, and suddenly she was unceremoniously killed off-screen between films and we get new underdeveloped characters so we can devote most of our time to David, who has become both the protagonist and the villain. Why did we skip over the cool story we were promised at the end of Prometheus to get stuck with this half-assed slasher film that basically tricked us into watching it?

I had some hope when we got back to Covenant and Short-Haired-Lady seemed like maybe she’d be our new heroine. Except Walter was clearly not Walter because Walter’s wounds healed on their own and we got a whole scene between Not!Walter and Short-Haired-Lady that revolved around her patching him up. Also, why did no one test this fucker when he came hobbling up to the ship, considering the evil twin story we’ve been dealing with since David Single-White-Female’d Walter’s hairstyle? Unfortunately our heroine is also inexplicably stupid and doesn’t figure this switcheroo out until she’s trapped in a cryo chamber being put to sleep by this crazy dude.

I’m not sure what was supposed to happen with this movie, but I know what definitely didn’t happen. We didn’t get a kickass heroine beating the odds, nor did we get a resourceful crew pitted against an unreasonable alien villain. The aliens became a backdrop for David to do his thing in as he played God and puppet-master and we sat and watched the fallout.

Alien franchise, I want my kickass heroine. I want the aliens. I want the scrappy crew. As pretty as Michael Fassbender is, I really didn’t need David to have his own movie. Maybe this direction was great for some people, but not for me. Alien: Covenant, missing the point.

#alien covenant #dingometa

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tyrantisterror · 7 years

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With the recent Alien: Covenant coming up soon, and given your enjoyment of the franchise, I was wondering if you could give your brief (or not so brief) opinions on the Alien films you have seen.

Sure!

I don’t really believe in perfection, but I cannot really think of a flaw in Alien. It is a masterfully told story with a truly iconic monster in it, as well as a kickass heroine to boot.

I love Aliens just as much, which I know will get some boos and hisses from some of my followers here since it does kind of fundamentally change a lot of the tone and themes from the first movie. I can understand why it’s getting some backlash nowadays, but I still enjoy the hell out of it and love the character arcs of both Ripley AND the aliens as a monster species. I like the idea of taking a creature that utterly demonized the concept of “the other” in the first movie, and then comparing it to the evil humanity is capable of and showing that we’re actually the worse ones. And I love the fact that these two movies combine form a sort of “Beowulf in Space!” story, and the duality at play with Ripley and the Alien Queen both being protective mothers who will do anything to preserve the future of their offspring. Also the Alien Queen is just a beautiful monster and the world is better with her in it.

Alien 3 is a dour, depressing film, and while I feel it has some artistic merit as its own story, the way it screws over characters who earned a happy ending in the previous movies is too much of an emotional backstab for me to like it.

Alien Resurrection is a hot mess that even Ron Perlman couldn’t save.

Alien vs. Predator was fun and stupid, as most monster mashes are. It was not good enough to get me to see AVP: Requiem, and the concept could definitely have been done better, but you get to see a lot of scenes of aliens fighting predators, and sometimes that’s enough.

Prometheus is a confusing mess of a movie with some really great ideas and concepts - like the idea of an entire ecosystem of beings like the xenomorphs - that are promptly underdeveloped or wasted entirely. It also has a lot of really terrible ideas, like almost every character in the movie for example. Yes, all of them. All of them were terrible ideas. David was the closest to a good idea out of the entire cast - they should have refined him while replacing all the others with, I dunno, anyone else. Remember that weird offputting asshole geologist who was a surly prick to everyone for no reason? Or that stupid fucking biologist who’s scared of dead bodies but NOT of a hissing penis cobra that is clearly putting up a threat display, which anyone but ESPECIALLY A BIOLOGIST would be able to recognize? Remember Charlize Theron’s character just... hating everything, I guess? And then we find out her dad is Old Man Makeup Guy Pearce and it’s a big twist but it means nothing and adds nothing to the stakes and tells us nothing about her character? Remember all these terrible people whose motivations and personalities seem tailored to individual scenes rather than a cohesive whole? Remember how much time the movie spent on them as though they mattered?

Not to mention the inane as shit “all scientists are secretly creationists” shit that sci-fi keeps pulling these days.

Prometheus is like a five course meal made of two week old McDonalds hamburgers with one inch-long strip of filet mignon mixed in. There are good things in it, but you want way more of them. There’s a lot of other shit in it, but you want none of it. And you can’t say it was uniformly awful - there was something absolutely exquisite in there! But there wasn’t enough equisite-ness to make a meal - and sadly, there was way more foul garbage in it for you to stomach.

#notapangolin

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spencerreviews · 7 years

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April-May Review Round Up/ Blog Update

Sorry it’s been a while but between work and other things, time is sparse and writing these reviews has been getting harder and harder. However, I feel like it is time to change things up, make my reviews more natural than formulaic. Plus my rating system, though basic, has proven to be repetitive so here is what is happening. Instead of long reviews they will be shorter, and in place of my A-F scale I am implementing a new one. The new system is going to be like At the Movies after Roeper left with a simple See It, Skip It, Rent It but I am adding one in for Must See to make the film stand out over the regular good movies. Basic yes, but this will free up time of trying to properly grade a movie but also cut down on time if you just want to know if you should spend your hard earned money or not. I will still make lists every now and then and my longer reviews may make a comeback if I feel the need to gush or rant over a film. With that said lets talk about all the movies I have seen since Power Rangers.

The Fate of the Furious: See It.

You would think that eight films into a franchise, you would think all of the tricks would have been seen by now. However, Fate of the Furious proves that with creative minds anything is possible. The story here is engaging and the action scenes build on each other to make one truly amazing action film. There are some issues with pacing as well as an issue with developing certain characters and the acting in certain areas, but the sheer amount of fun this film delivers more than makes up for it. Sure some parts are over the top but that is what this franchise is all about and as it stands, The Fate of the Furious is one of the best films in the franchise.

The Circle: Skip It.

Stop me if you have heard this before: technology can be exploited. We have only seen this in every movie sense Terminator and The Circle hones in on this idea but does nothing to back it up. In fact the film does nothing throughout it’s runtime except confuse you. The plot is nonexistent and there is such little character development that you care about nothing except the amount of time you wasted watching this. Credit where credit is due, the overall look of the film is very stylish and the director knew how to make this movie look futuristic. That is about as far as this film goes. Anytime Tom Hanks can’t save a film, there is something seriously wrong here. Add in a lot of wasted talent and some of the most unbelievably dumb crowds of people in film history and you have the disappointment that is The Circle.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: See It.

Marvel’s group of ragtag bounty hunters are back for one of the most fun movies they have ever put out. The story is a bit convoluted at times but at it’s heart is a a deeply funny as well as intensely emotional film that will be sure to entertain as well as make you think about your life. Not only that but this film builds on the world established in the first film and adds on to the characters that we already love by introducing new ones. There are some new characters in this film that hold up progress and don’t really fit, but the inclusion of a show stealing Kurt Russell, some surprising cameos, top notch action, and a truly awesome soundtrack make this movie a blast from start to finish. James Gunn and Marvel really made something to be proud of here and give you more reasons to sit through the credits and to look forward to the next MCU entry.

Alien Covenant: Skip It.

Ridley Scott, what have you done? Let me be the first to say that I was a fan of the film Prometheus and consider it one of Scott’s finest works. However, his follow up is hands down the most disappointing film in recent memory. There was potential here with a lot of deep thematically themes of creationism, love and things like that, but there is absolutely no story to back it up. The characters are paper thin, the intellect alone of the characters are baffling daft, and for the real kicker, the aliens make up maybe 10 minutes of screen time. Danny McBride and Michael Fassbender are hands down the best parts of the film with every scene they’re in feeling a bit lighter and more tolerable. Everyone else is just boring including our lead actress Katherine Waterson who is proving maybe acting just isn’t her forte with every film she is in. I can’t explain any more to why this film is the definition of an anticlimax, but one thing I can say over and over again is that you should skip this film.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tale No Tales: Skip It.

Well, we’re doing this bit again as Johnny Depp is back as Captain Jack Sparrow for the worst film in the Pirates franchise yet. Just about everything that could go wrong in this movie does as there is no tangible story, no real character arcs, and one of the worst on screen villains of the year with Javier Bardem as Captain Salazar. Bardem won an Oscar in 07 but here he is the worst part of a film that he should have shined in. Worse than that is that JAck Sparrow has no purpose in his own film as Depp sleepwalks through this one making his credibility go down even more. There is a bit of light in the film as Geoffrey Rush is the only person who puts effort in this film. Every one of his scenes reminds us of why we love this franchise but the rest of the film negates it. There are no great action scenes, the comedy falls flat, and the scale is so small this feels like a spin off rather than an installment. PLease don’t support this film so Disney gets the picture that this film should be the last of the franchise.

That is a basic format for how my reviews will be in the future, short, sweet, and to the point with a bit of sarcasm thrown in. They might be longer but that all depends on my love or disdain for the movie in question. Be sure to check back here for a honest opinion of the latest films.

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