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#and where better to rant than to complete internet strangers
bloodpen-to-paper · 2 months
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PSA regarding cultural exchange and internet culture. Its a rant but its something that needs to be said
I'm already seeing the Qsmp admins calling for understanding and patience with the announcement of the Korean CCs that will be joining, and it frustrates the hell out of me that any of it needs to be said because people on the internet are so poisoned by cancel culture that this opportunity to engage with Korean culture is beginning with stress.
Its an issue that extends far past this server unfortunately, the modern standard for morality on the internet is insanely unrealistic and honestly very anti-human. So many people, most people actually, do problematic things in life and make mistakes, which is completely normal. Its how we are and how we're supposed to be, its how we learn and grow. But having someone get dogpiled/harassed online and potentially even risk losing a career for saying or doing something vaguely problematic that they should be encouraged to learn from is so incredibly harmful and makes the online place more toxic than communal.
There's a legitimate line to draw between something we should encourage someone to reflect upon and a genuinely irredeemable act, and if you can't tell the difference you then shouldn't be speaking about it online. To all the people who dramatize an easily fixable situation, you're part of the problem of people not knowing how the fuck to act when there's miscommunication, differences of opinion or people doing/having done something problematic but not ill-intentioned. Genuinely good people are being either pressured off the online space or terrified to ever make a mistake because people who don't touch enough goddamn grass are so drama-addicted that they make a situation negative when it literally never needed to be. You're toxic and you're making everyone else toxic, the problem is not the person who accidentally said something offensive in ignorance but is willing to learn from that, nor the person who misunderstood a situation and could be convinced to reflect on their actions, the problem is you, adding unnecessary fuel to the fire and blowing shit out of proportion when it could be resolved so much easier. If you're someone who does this, I hate to sound like a boomer but holy shit you should be ashamed of yourself. There's enough bad in the world as is, stop posting and do better.
And here's the funny part, and I don't care how many people this pisses off: current online cancel culture is xenophobic as fuck. People in different cultures have different ways of life, and though that doesn't necessarily excuse some of what goes on in other nations, the current standard for "dealing" with culture clashing takes no account to how someone's culture can make them act differently than you, and they shouldn't be demonized for it even if some of what they do isn't the best. People from multi-ethnic backgrounds, especially children of immigrants, understand that some of our parents say the most cancellable shit imaginable but are still good people at heart. Strangers online wouldn't understand that at all, and their need to complain about everything online with such hostility and lack of nuance would and is doing the exact opposite of what it should be doing; instead of getting people to see different perspectives and learn why their behavior can be harmful to others, thus encouraging them to do better, online witch hunting either drives them away from wanting to interact with anyone, and/or actively pushes them further down problematic avenues where they aren't demonized for harmful behavior.
I am so sick and tired of everything thinking cancel culture is normal, because it is so incredibly not. Its exhausting seeing the same thing play out over and over as someone who's actually interacted with people of different ages, gender and ethnicities, and who knows what these people are like in their hearts, while also knowing the internet would eat them alive without a second thought to who they are or why they act the way they do.
People say and do problematic things, it doesn't mean they're bad people. It means they're human. I encourage everyone to remember that.
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elvenbeard · 10 months
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I read your post about headcanons about Kerry's sexuality, and I totally agree with what you said about headcanons not taking away from representation, but I'm curious what your view are on mods that change a character's sexuality so anyone can romance them? I know there is, or at least used to be, quite a bit of debate around that. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I'd hate to start any discourse drama on your blog. I'm just curious because I'm not even sure where I stand on the matter, and have been back and forth on it for a long time.
It's all good nonny! I have been asking myself that lately tbh, and I know I've been back and forth on it myself, too.
In this moment in time, I am completely indifferent on the existence of mods that do stuff like that. I don't condone or like them, but I'm not gonna do anything about them either. I know years ago in the Dragon Age fandom there was huge discourse and drama around a mod that made Dorian (canonically gay, his whole character arc revolves around that fact, just in case you're not into that series) available to be romanced by a female Inquisitor. And back then I was absolutely livid. Dorian was (and still is) one of my fave characters in the DA universe. And honestly, I couldn't even tell you now if anything ever came off of that whole drama (but I doubt it, cause it rarely does) - that's how pointless Internet drama really is. In the worst case, the person who made that mod got driven out of fandom entirely and now has negative associations with the queer community as a whole.
Do I think that mods that change a queer character's canon orientation are amazing? No, not really, and most of the time, especially in Dorian's case, they make no sense at all for the characters' arcs. I personally would never wanna play them and I'd also rather not know why some people make them.
(I'm completely biased here btw, because I do not feel as negatively about mods that change a canonically straight character's orientation to something queer. Simply because I'm queer and greedy for more representation, because there cannot be enough XD Does that make me a hypocrite to some people? Maybe, but honestly, I don't really care. And as I said in my post, and as you mentioned, even the "straight mods" do not take away from any queer representation that canonically exists.)
The thing is, me and others screaming and yelling about "straight mods" (or "bi mods" for characters that are explicitly gay/lesbian) is not gonna change a thing, mods like that are always gonna exist. Content I don't agree with is always something I can come across at random, and I keep finding new things that make me go "nope!" regularly. And even if I'm not screaming and yelling, and instead try to be reasonable, talk objectively with the mod makers as for xyz reasons their mod is not good in my eyes... I'm too old for that shit XD I'd rather use my energy and limited time to make a lot of gay stuff featuring my favourite queer blorbos instead of arguing with strangers why a straight!Dorian or bi!Judy or straight/bi!whoever mod is bad. Fandom should be a hobby, not activism, and you can go about fighting homophobia in a lot better ways than arguing about who certain pixel people would like to bone or not.
I wish there were - or maybe there are and I haven't figured it out yet - ways to filter stuff I don't wanna see on Nexus for example like there are on tumblr, ao3, any other social media site with a good tagging system and means to block tags or phrases or users. Curating your own experience and finding people who share your interests is so important and has really improved my time in fandom a lot over the last years. And it's good to have friends you can rant to about stupid things that upset you in private, definitely XD
So, on that note, ship whoever you wanna ship in this context, but tag it so that people who don't wanna see it can avoid it and don't get mad. Also sorry this got long and slightly off topic, I'm a chronic rambler.
(also, if anything's unclear, feel free to reach out again! sometimes I don't express myself as well as I think I do XD)
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aeonianarchives · 2 years
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TW: mentions of Homophobia
I love how there is so much queerness in Mythology proving people in the past where very accepting of the LGBTQIA+ community, It is found in Norse and Greek Mythology but yet there are Homophobes .
I know the Ancient Greeks didn’t have the same concepts of gender and sexuality we do today.
Take the tale of Iphis, A man tells his wife they can’t afford to have a daughter, but then she has a daughter anyway, and raises the child as a boy. Iphis was a unisex name, so both the mother and father were happy with the choice.
At 13, Iphis is betrothed to her childhood friend Ianthe, and they both fall in love. Secretly, Iphis is afraid of what will happen once they are married and the truth is revealed, and with her mother’s help they delay the wedding as long as possible. When it can’t be put off any longer, they pray to the goddess Isis for help. Isis transforms Iphis’ sex to male, and as a man he marries Ianthe, and they live happily ever after.
or the fact Loki literally transformed into a Female Horse.
And where exactly in the bible does it say being gay or being trans is a sin, besides hate to break it to you that thing is outdated and has be translated so many times it's probably not accurate.
In the male-dominated world of piracy, homosexuality was common. A union such as matelotage may have acted as a manner of validating relationships that would otherwise have been considered against contemporary societal norms.
History shows people accepted homosexuality.
It's just sad their are homophobes now, like they have nothing better to do than judge a person on who they love or what gender they feel, homophobes.
Sorry for this pissy rant, actually no NO i'm fucking not, I don't have to say sorry to anyone about this.
People are complete and utter assholes sometimes, if you want to insult me or for me to value your opinion first I must care and if you are anyway against the LGBTQIA+ community in anyway, shape or form, I do not care, so don't come to me because you have had a bad day just so you can vent by trying to insult a stranger you don't even know, It is childish and pathetic.
Also don't Invade my Ask box with your childish and pathetic slurs, I don't give a fuck about you so you shouldn't even give a fuck about me or my sexuality or my gender, beside to the anon who did do that, I will never be a Girl or a Woman, I may of been born in the body of one but I will never be one and I never have been one.
I am actually disgusted by this behaviour.
I didn't include the ask because it had quite triggering things in it.
Besides did you really think I would go fucking kill myself because some stranger on the internet told me to.
What if I was suicidal, what if it actually made me snap and actually try it, WHAT THEN HUH, you disgust me.
To anyone of my followers or people who are reading this and is not a homophobe or against the community I am sorry, and I am really sad that I actually have to make a post about this, I'm also disappointed that I actually had to address this.
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megumitski · 3 years
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hello these are the bnha fics i’ve read so far and i just made this to track them for myself. favorites are marked with a 💥! more bakudeku plus tododeku and other ships under the cut.
bakudeku
💥 Bluebird - EtherealBeing (53k)
Dialing a wrong number was no unusual occurrence. Everyone did it once in a while, and Katsuki was well aware of that fact.
However, possessing this knowledge made it no less aggravating for him to discover — a full two minutes into his rant about his day — that he’d been venting his frustrations to a complete stranger. As if that wasn't enough, said stranger was also inexplicably determined to hear his story to its end.
Let’s Be Alone Together - lalazee (3k)
Prompt: Deku being aggressively forward in his pursuit of Bakugou, and how that big oaf would react to someone else actually making the first move.
“Are you going to spend your entire life wishing you’d kissed me or are you gonna grow some balls and fucking do it?”
Bell Pepper - ticklishivories (7k)
Midoriya knew they wouldn’t talk about it. He was right. But he never thought it’d happen again.
spilling over every side - failbender (6k)
No good deed goes unpunished, not when there's a crazy lady with a complex and Lust Quirk parading around the city. By now, Katsuki should probably be used to things blowing up in his face.
be loved - bonnia (5k)
They sit there, in the darkness of the common room, about a few centimeters between them, but miles apart. Somehow, the quiet is companionable. More than it has been in many years. Katsuki knows he’s responsible for the rift between them, and he knows even more that it can’t only be Deku who attempts to mend it.
“Hey,” he says, after a while, and Deku turns to him in question, but Katsuki refuses to look his way. “Touch me again.”
(or: the kidnapping incident leaves bakugou traumatised about being touched on the back of his neck, and midoriya decides to take matters into his own hands)
Leftovers - brichibi (6k)
“Did you two make up?”
That. That’s why that fight felt like it was worth it, even if, technically, Izuku can’t answer her. Have they made up? Is this making up?
He actually doesn’t know.
[Or: the house arrest fic where it is, somehow, more awkward to talk through feelings than it is to fight]
lust-drunk - theboykingofhell (8k)
The one where Bakugou tries not to lose his mind to lust, and Midoriya is the useless gay who does nothing to help that matter at all.
💥 Quiet Rapture - lalazee (261k) - inc.
That A/B/O fic where cocky Alpha Bakugou falls in mate-love at first scent, while Midoriya is just a poor bookstore-owning Omega who got his nose punched in is a kid and can't smell a damn thing. Also known as: That time an Alpha had to use his actual personality to woo his mate instead of relying on his scent.
💥 A Demolition Boy & his Cryptid BF - kewltie (8k)
Bakugou of the Demolition Squad is famous for running one of the most popular Youtube channels on the web that regularly blow shit up and jumped off a perfectly good building for shit and giggles. He's also famous for his Cryptid BF™, never appearing on camera except for a few bodyshots and all information on him is kept locked up tighter than Fort Knox, therefore drawing all sort of attention and curiosity toward his mysterious boyfriend.
Deku from Deku Explains is a hopeless chatterbox who is known for uploading 20-30 minutes video that talked about his favorite shows and comics and have one of the most devoted following on Youtube. He also can't seem to shut up about his boyfriend Kacchan, who regularly make his presence on the channel as a disembodied voice.
They should theoretically have nothing in common except a shared platform to host their content and an army of fans with an endless curiosity and devotion to their Youtubers. Vidcon is where we lay our scene and the internet is about to get a rude wake up call.
What The Fuck Did You Just Call Me? - reading_raindrop (8k)
“A-ah B-Bakugou! You dropped some pencils!”
Katsuki stiffened. Kirishima and Kaminari froze. Basically, everyone within earshot stopped what they were doing to look at Izuku like he sprouted a second head. What did he just call him? “What the fuck did you just say to me?”
Katsuki whipped his head towards Izuku with his signature death glare as he stood up from where he picked up the fallen supplies.
“U-um I said you dropped some pencils! I think this eraser might be yours to-”
“No. What the fuck did you just call me?”
Izuku starts calling him Bakugou and it pisses the explosive teen off a lot more than he thought it would
💥 take care - Chrome (2k)
There are words to say stay safe, I’ll miss you, I love you, but Kacchan has always preferred to leave things unspoken. Izuku isn’t much with languages, but he thinks he’s figured out this one.
---
“Emotional constipation manifested as over-the-top housewifery?” Mina asks. Before Izuku can say that is not what he meant at all, she nods. “Yeah, I can see it.”
Just Look At Me - Colourcubify (52k) - dnf
Midoriya is completely happy with his life. Nope, not one single regret in his twenty-seven years. He especially doesn't regret running into his old childhood friend/bully after almost ten years, nor does he regret spilling coffee all over his very expensive looking suit. How nice it will be to die with no regrets. ~~~~ AKA the sugar daddy AU I meant to be a one shot, that turned into a full fledged story.
A Nest for the Best - Camellia_Sinensis (1k)
Deku’s been nesting and asking everyone in 1-A for pieces of clothing for his horde. Everyone, that is, except Katsuki. Cue the jealousy.
unforgiving - i_write_emotion (19k)
Deku is hit with a quirk that takes away his ability to forgive, and Bakugou’s world comes crashing down. Quirkless!Deku. Pro-hero!Bakugou.
@ Deku WRONG CHAT - katyastark (16k) - inc.
Deku: THE LENGTHS I WOULD GO TO JUST LICK THE SWEAT OFF HIS ABS hnnnnnghhh
Deku: or! like! It doesn’t even have to be his abs! It could be anywhere else! I’m not picky!
Pinky: excuse me what
ChargeDolt: OMG
Uravity: @Deku WRONG CHAT
I love you. I’m completely and utterly in love with you. Please don’t get married. - InkspillsNotebook (6k)
Ta-Da!!!! I hope you all enjoy the finished product!!! I'm sorry (not sorry) I broke a lot of you when I first posted this to tumblr!!
Procrastination - capncapk (5k)
But it is still surprising to see his more-than-friend-but-also-lover-he-guesses in his office seeking attention though Izuku already turned him down.
Usually he'll get a text of 'wyd?' followed by a time and place if Izuku responds with a confirmation, and silence if he's busy.
Or slammed into the wall in the agency's shower for a quickie if no one was around, which despite his anxiety, he often acquiesces to.
While You Were Sleeping - Belkacaramelka (71k)
The one where quirkless fanboy Midoriya Izuku rescues Pro Hero Todoroki Shouto, gets mistaken as his fiancé while he is in a coma, and gets caught up in the most unlikely fake engagement... until his childhood enemy and Todoroki's classmate Bakugou Katsuki tries to catch him out, and they both end up discovering a lot more about each other than they'd expected.
Quirkless AU based on the film; endgame BakuDeku. -- Katsuki didn’t know when the change had happened: how he had gone from asking why Todoroki chose Deku of all people, to wondering why it was Todoroki that Deku chose. Troublesome Deku, who cooed like an idiot at cats, tripped at a random catcall and sang badly. Who, despite everything, proved that it wasn’t the quirk that defined a person. Deku, who was too much, not his, and undeniably off limits to begin with.
briar roses (and hundred years of sleep) - vannral (16k)
In complete honesty, no one who knows the Class 3-A should be surprised anymore. Izuku is asleep.
In which Izuku is hit by a ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Quirk, Class 3-A tries to find his True Love and get them to kiss him, and Katsuki’s very angry about it all.
Yes, They’re All Safe - teaandtumblr (5k)
Villains have entered UA grounds and are disposed of just as quickly, but that doesn't mean a headcount of the students doesn't need to be done. Toshinori would admit, he wasn't quite prepared for what he found in Bakugou Katsuki's room.
💥 all choked up - spicyrabbit (5k)
Bakugou Katsuki had a habit of turning away from the heard. At 16, he does this by coming to terms with wanting, desperately, to see his childhood friend cry.
💥 May I take your order, dipshit? - supercrunch (6k)
So, like, maybe Bakugou wasn’t really the best choice for this whole pizza delivery shindig.
(Midoriya in love, Bakugou in denial, and way, way too much cheese.
A BakuDeku romance in thirty minutes or less. )
blooms every hour - dynamighttiddy (7k)
“It’s you, okay?!” Deku screams. “It’s you. And I know you’ll never love me back, so -” Deku wipes his eyes and straightens. “So just leave it.”
-----
Deku has hanahaki, and Katsuki doesn't know how to save him.
all choked up - dynamighttiddy (7k)
“Deku, what the fuck are you doing?!”
Izuku asks Kacchan to help him train blackwhip. Things don't exactly go according to plan.
A Fight To The Death - iknewaman (10k)
Izuku isn’t competitive by nature, but when the blond, cocky asshole from the other table’s team gets involved he suddenly becomes hellbent on winning.
Rival Pub Quiz AU
💥 Like the Moon - osakakitty (15k)
Katsuki Bakugo is having constant, erotic dreams about Izuku Midoriya. He isn’t sure why, but they won’t go away. In order to make them stop, he needs to figure out what Izuku Midoriya means to him.
Canon-verse story in which Bakugo is confused about his feelings for Midoriya, and doesn’t know what he wants. Besides a good night’s sleep.
💥 We Wear Chains on the Weekend - surveycorpsjean (35k)
Well, in a day of revelations, it turns out that Izuku isn't as vanilla as Katsuki previously thought. Unfortunately, that fascinating discovery is overshadowed by Izuku's dumbassery, because he has zero concept of aftercare.
"Don't go to anyone else," Katsuki says, because screw it. He can do a better job anyways.
Or; Katsuki finds Izuku on a bad drop.
take me out to dinner first - dynamighttiddy (3k)
“Kacchan,” Deku chides. “What’s going on?”
Katsuki takes a deep breath.
He trusts Deku with his life. He can trust him with this, too.
“Have sex with me.”
-----
Katsuki Bakugou is one of the only virgins left in class 3-A - and with graduation just around the corner, he's desperate to change that.
💥 that ultra kind of love - dynamighttiddy (11k)
“So, uh,” Kirishima starts. “Was that your first kiss?” he whispers, almost sheepish. Katsuki’s stomach drops, and he freezes. Memories of green eyes and freckles and soft lips flash behind his eyelids. “Yeah,” he lies easily. “That was my first kiss.”
-----
In which Bakugou pretends Kirishima is his first kiss, amongst other things.
to the moon and back - kewltie (1k)
"He gets stupid when he's drunk," Katsuki seethes in his seat as he watches Izuku croon love notes into Uraraka's throat. He’d never met a worst lightweight then Deku, who become some kind of demented affectionate monster.
💥 Bridges - supercrunch (18k)
Yaomomo sighs. “We’ve got a little bit of a situation, Bakugou. Ashi—uhm, somebody might have accidentally signed you up for that modelling gig.”
Katsuki holds up a hand. "So what you’re telling me here," he says, "is that you told Calvin Klein I would model for them. In my underwear.”
Ashido sinks behind a desk to hide. “Yes.”
(The thing is, they really do need the money. And Katsuki's technically the leader of this bunch of morons, so he finds himself taking the job even though his pride will never recover. And even though nobody thought to tell him that he'd be working with his ex-boyfriend. You know, the cute freckled guy from high school who went and broke his heart.
So, yeah. This whole situation kind of sucks.)
Crescendo - supercrunch - inc. (4k)
(Izuku's band is on their way to the top of the charts. But the real star, he thinks, is the drummer.)
Guilty Kiss - osakakitty (1k)
He could feel Midoriya's eyes on him. Even though he knew it was wrong, Bakugo still wet his lips in anticipation.
(Canon-verse) A short story about making out in a closet. It's messy, but so is their relationship.
💥 Surfaces - surveycorpsjean (25k)
Katsuki has a new girlfriend, but something isn't right.
As impossible as it is, Izuku can't help but wonder what it'd be like to be called Katsuki's girl.
Classical conditioning - supercrunch (8k)
(or: how to trick a boy into going out with you.)
Alright. Maybe his idiot friends had a point, Katsuki thinks as he shoulders open the front door. His mother’s in the living room drinking coffee. Katsuki kicks off his shoes and stomps over. “Am I charming?” he demands, blocking the TV.
Mitsuki pats his cheek. “Oh, hon. Not at all.”
💥 Dance Bunny - EllaBesmirched (17k)
Katsuki Bakugou spends most week nights by himself, sitting in a corner at his local strip club and passing time until he feels tired enough to sleep. Work leaves him stressed and the new city he moved to a year ago is just different enough that he can't sleep at night and can't seem to get comfortable no matter where he is.
When he finally changes up his schedule and decides to head to the club on a Saturday night, he is instantly infatuated with a part-time dancer who can do things with his body that Katsuki didn't even know were possible. The dancer calls himself Bunny. By the second lap dance, Katsuki realizes he is in trouble.
but the entrails are the best part! - supercrunch (15k)
The boy straightens up. He’s about half a head shorter than Katsuki, face soft and youthful and sweet. He turns to look at him properly. His dark hair shines in the dying light, basket of blooms looped over one arm and mouth quirked into a tiny half-smile. The sun hits his face and makes his eyes a bright greeny-gold, just like emeralds.
Katsuki likes emeralds.
“Pretty,” he says, reaching out and picking the stranger up around the middle. He’s surprisingly heavy, although Katsuki doesn’t mind. “I like you. Come see my nest.”
The boy hits him.
He’s stronger than he looks, turns out. Katsuki drops him and falls onto his back, pain blooming across his face. Birds sing. The sky’s a lovely shade of orange, clouds floating lazily by. The boy scarpers. He leaves his basket of flowers behind, footsteps thumping on the ground and fading away as he escapes.
The sun sets. Katsuki, lying flat on his back with a bloody nose, decides he’s just fallen in love.
tododeku
(You Know You’re Really) Cute - ladyhoneydarlinglove (2k)
Kirishima poses the question, who’s the cutest boy in Class 1-A? The answers kind of surprise everyone, especially Midoriya.
Everything Except - Pouler (28k)
"In retrospect, Midoriya probably should’ve realized the moment they were enveloped in a glittering pink cloud that something was about to go Very Wrong."
After an encounter with a unique villain threatens to change the nature of their partnership, Midoriya must find a way to get things back to normal between him and Todoroki. That is, if he's certain that getting 'back to normal' is what he really wants...
count your blessings, not your flaws - PitViperOfDoom (7k)
Midoriya Izuku has never been asked out, confessed to, or flirted with, except as a joke.
Riddles in the Heart - PitViperOfDoom (19k)
The law is clear: whoever correctly answers three riddles will marry the prince, while all who fail are to be executed. The people live in fear as more challengers try and fail, and the throne grows bloodier with every passing year. But a young prince, nameless and in exile from his home, believes there may be more to this brutal challenge than meets the eye.
Of course, there's only one way to find out: ring the gong, and take the trial.
Late bloomer - Nohaljiachi (10k)
That’s why when they’ve found themselves face to face on the ring of the sport festival once more, for the third time ever since they’ve met each other, and Izuku smiled at him, eager and challenging, self-confident but never full of himself, Shouto blinked, dazed and shocked, in realizing just how blindingly beautiful his best friend was. The way Izuku’s white shirt clung on his muscles, the little peek of his collar bone and the hard lines of his pecs visible under it, the way his thighs curved and filled the school gym uniform.
‘Oh, fuck—‘ Shouto thought, his head spinning, feeling like he just got run over by a freight train. ‘Shit. He’s- hot?’
Burn and Breathe - PitViperOfDoom (11k)
Soulmates are connected through pain, and some bonds have more to share than others. Todoroki Shouto wishes he could reject his soulmate. Midoriya wants nothing more than to protect his own.
one string, fit for a bow - furihatachlookie (5k)
There was no magical moment that played a part in Midoriya's realization that he liked Todoroki. The thin red string that greeted him every time he looked down at his hand was an obvious factor, yes, but it wasn't love at first sight either.
It sorta just... happened over time.
fire and feelings - kagshina (8k)
“Uh…” he starts, eyes widening. “Your finger’s on fire.”
Todoroki’s face scrunches together, confused, and then he looks down, noticing the flame. Midoriya watches as shock flashes across Todoroki’s face, and then horror, and then finally settles on embarrassment as he puts out the flame.
“Shit,” Todoroki mumbles, and Midoriya’s lip curves upward.
bakutododeku 
💥 Fire in the Mountains - EllaBesmirched (168k)
“I’ll do it.”
Enji froze, fingers curling into a fist at his side, and didn’t turn around.
Shouto froze too, feeling his own eyes widen in shock at the words that had come out of his mouth, at the fact that he had actually stood up, followed his father out of the room, and dashed after him all just to say… he’d do it? He would do it? Him. Shouto Todoroki. He would--
Enji finally turned around and fixed Shouto with an expression so scathing, Shouto had to fight to keep his chin raised. “You’ll marry the Barbarian King.”
Shouto blinked. “Yes.”
The Ballad of Love and Hate - EllaBesmirched (6k)
After eight painfully long years, Katsuki finally has Izuku back. He's determined to keep him this time, and to do that, he knows there are some things he has to say.
(mis)matched - ethydium (12k)
Midoriya doesn't hate the idea of finding one's soulmate, even though he had long since given up on finding his own. And then Bakugou and Todoroki match, and while he's happy for them, his heart breaks from all the unsaid things he feels for them.
Or:
Midoriya pines and suffers his way to his own happy ending.
pillowed by love - ethydium (21k)
As a prank, Uraraka gets Midoriya a body pillow (dakimakura) with the image of Bakugou printed on it. Then another one with Todoroki's picture. Chaos ensues.
other
For who could learn to love a beast? - supercrunch (4k) - bakutodo
Bakugou takes a deep breath and steps out into the living room, eyes automatically adjusting to the change in light. There’s a boy hanging up his coat in the hall. He’s handsome, albeit in an annoying way, hair dyed two colours to match his heterochromia and skin pale and perfect and smooth. He looks expensive. “Bakugou.”
“That’s me,” Bakugou says. “You’re younger than I expected.”
“I’m older than I look.”
(Deku was right, damn him. Pretty boys are Bakugou's type.)
Want it All - surveycorpsjean (29k) - kiribakutododeku
“Hey, so..." Eijirou grins. "Can we ask you guys a question?"
Frankendick and the Great Acid Fiasco - EllaBesmirched (11k) - shiggyxdabi
Dabi had been intending to spend a very nice Saturday getting stoned and plotting murder, thank you very much, but when a trio of UA brats on enough L to kill a Beatle accidentally dose him and two other unsuspecting homicidal maniacs, Dabi has to change his plans a bit. Apparently no else around here knows how to trip balls and fucking enjoy it.
The Twitter - EllaBesmirched (8k) - tododenki
Shouto never really intended for anyone to find his secret Twitter account. He certainly didn't intend for Kaminari to see Shouto's thirst tweets about him. Luckily, Kaminari doesn't seem to mind.
pray you catch me - supercrunch (4k)
Katsuki pushes her shirt up to kiss her stomach. It’s silly, how it makes her heart flutter, how Izuku’s whispered I love you threatens to make her cry all over again. They’re unwrapping her from her clothes. They won’t let her hide, she thinks numbly. Won’t let her curl in on herself like she’s something dirty, Katsuki’s hands tugging off her underwear so she’s naked and exposed between them. “I,” she says breathlessly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying. I’m just being dumb.”
Izuku shushes her. Another tear trickles down her cheek and into her ear. He kisses it away, humming, brushing her bangs off her forehead so he can press his mouth between her brows. “You have every right to be upset. We’ll deal with him later. For now just let us take care of you.”
“She’ll get the message once you stop talking and fuck her,” Katsuki says, slipping his fingers into her. She clenches around him and shudders. “Gonna eat you out ‘til you forget how to move. Now put that fucking motor mouth to good use, Deku.”
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There's one thing that seems to somehow get overlooked when discussing if fanfiction should be critiqued or not, and it all really boils down to a simple word that can fix about 95% of the argument.
Consent.
If we approach every fic like the author is going to publish their fic as a major book title and make millions, giving awful representation to an already misunderstood genre, and have a hardcore effect on the masses (if you don't know what book I'm talking about good) we're either going to burn out people who are just in this to do something fun (and probably will only affect maybe 10 people if the author is lucky) or make the environment so tense that fanfiction isn't going to be seen as fun anymore.
We also need to remember that as much as we love (or don't love) a fic, you as the commenter are a stranger. Yes, we see your username on our fics and smile every time we read a lovely comment. It's like seeing our favorite customer at the cash register. But all we know about you is a name. And you're especially a stranger if you have never interacted with that author before.
Imagine: a random person comes up to you on the street and says "That shirt you made is nice and all, but if it was green instead of pink, it'd be better."
Your first reaction (unless you absolutely love unsolicited criticism) is probably going to be "Wow, who gave you the right?"
But let's imagine this scenario if the person asked first.
The stranger can come up and say "Hey, I see you made that shirt yourself. Would you like some honest criticism?"
This gives the creator the power to say "yes" or "no" and improve or not based on their choice.
It's the same with fanfiction.
If the author selects yes, they're more likely to accept the criticism, even if it was the same advice offered without consent. Because they are ready for it. They've braced themselves to have their work judged by a complete stranger.
As someone who uses writing to cope with stress, it's much easier for me to take criticism when I'm mentally ready for it than if it's handed to me out of the blue.
However, no is an acceptable answer as well.
There are writers who are just out there for that shot of dopamine when they've given something to the world. To know that they're appreciated. To know that their fic helped someone out of a dark time. They don't care about making it perfect. As long as one person likes it, their mission is complete.
I've written fics like that as well, where if you asked me for criticism, I'll say no 100% because it is very personal to me. If I project heavily onto the main character, and someone says how the choices were stupid and that my writing is stupid because of it, there's a good chance that I know. I know the character did something stupid. That character was me. I'm not writing this for you to judge. I'm looking for the people who have done the same thing and went "yeah, I did that too, but at least I'm not alone and can find something to relate to."
"But I have the right to say what I want. It's the internet. If you don't want it judged don't post it," I hear some of you cry. With all due respect, and there is not much, the donkey barn is over there. It costs 0 dollars to rant to your friends instead of the author. They'll probably more likely to agree with you too. Go get your "I'm important" button pushed there instead.
"But fanfiction is free. The back button is free. It's only a story and not that deep chill out they're probably just a kid anyway," I hear some of you cry. The problem with this is, to some people, it's not just a silly little story. It means something to them. And since when did being a kid mean they don't want to learn? They have the right to take their work seriously and want a critique, whether you believe the author needs it or not. Plus, adults can be just as bad at things as kids and can handle a bit of criticism if they want it.
There's also something I'd like to emphasize before I close this out. Remember, you, as the commenter, are a stranger.
Chances are you're never going to talk to that author again. And chances are, that author is never going to interact with you again. However, that comment is eternal. You can delete it, scrub the fic clean off the internet, even deactivate the account attached to it, but that comment is eternal in the author's mind.
And every time they write, they're now thinking of you and your unsolicited criticism. What a way to be remembered.
I don't know, maybe it's because I've been on the internet for nearly two decades now and have had more unsolicited (and oftentimes destructive) criticism than I've wanted, but I'm tired of this debate circulating around the internet when really it all boils down to one word.
Consent.
"Authors are too sensitive to criticism" and "it's only for fun chill out" both have arguments to stand on, but they are not 100% correct. Every author is different. Every author needs and wants different things.
The moment we stop treating creators like a hive mind and ask them what they want, the better.
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I'm not good at writing, especially if it's about my deepest feelings . So... it's gonna sound like more of a rant than a question but here we go :
I'm a cis woman who's turning 18 this month. I live in South Asia. In my country, no identity other than cishet is accepted or even talked about. I'm pretty sure that most of the people doesn't even know that identities beyond cishet exist and they wouldn't be able to understand in a million years how people can be non-binary or queer. It should be mentioned that my country is a pretty conservative country where majority of the population are Muslims.
So, as a girl, I get the usual "Marriage Talk" a lot. Whenever someone brings up this topic, I simply say that I'm never getting married . I've been saying that since I was 4. (Yes, people who I didn't even know existed a moment ago got really worried about my marriage cause I'm*not acting like a good girl* and nobody's gonna marry me if I kept acting like that. ) My fam is pretty chill about it though, every single time I said something like this they were like , "You're gonna definitely change your mind when you're older." Now that I'm older ( my family never thinks so ) , I have changed my mind.
Teenage girls usually LOVE to talk about boys. Naturally, in school, a considerable amount of gossip were about boys (mostly celebrities). I participated too. (Most of the time, I was just listening to them. I didn't feel comfortable talking about the specific topic with my classmates. They can be major bitches.) But I noticed how they sexualized them, fantasized about getting married to them, even having kids with them. It always seemed gross to me. How do you even think these stuffs about people you don't even know ? They were like , " I'll never be able to even speak with him. What's the problem if he's in my fantasies ?" A lot of them started dating. It was when we were around 12/13 y/o. (My country is a conservative place.Here, having a bf/gf is not acceptable at all. A lot of people finds the idea of even having a male friend disgusting.) I, on the other hand, didn't have this kind of fantasies. When I say that a guy is cute or handsome, I'm not having a crush on him. I'm simply admiring his good looks , the way I'd admire a painting. At present, most of my classmates are dying for a boyfriend. (Again, having a boyfriend here is NOTHING like having a boyfriend in the West.) I'm absolutely sick of seeing their posts about the pros and cons of being single, sad songs and.......I don't even know how to describe those.
Now, I'm sure that I'm a cishet female. But, I find the idea of having sex with strangers, barely-known person or even a person I just know- with whom I don't have any special mental bond repulsive. Also, when my classmates are desperately wanting a bf, I'm completely fine. A boyfriend kinda seems waste of time, money and energy to me. I'm young and I have lots of things to do now. Even though Twilight seems boring to me, I'm not unromantic. I kind of want to be with someone who really gets me ( in future). And I think I'll enjoy sex stuffs with the guy.(Ps. I like to love myself 😊) Like, I want a special person who'll love me for who I am and see through my false "I'm okay."
I'm wondering, do I fall anywhere in the Ace spectrum?
I have no one to talk to about it , and the internet has made me super confused. I just want to know myself better. ( And also to explain how I don't have crush on that super handsome guy to others )
Hope I used the hashtags right. I'm new on Tumblr.
💜💙💚💛🧡❤️🖤🤍
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mimikoflamemaker · 2 years
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On Me and Writing
This will be another essay/rant/consciousness stream/what have you. But this one pertains to what I hope will be the nearest future in the writing department.
If you are following my fanfic updates, you know that last one was, rather shamefully, back in July. I can say this is because life is busy when you are running a household – or that I have been busy with other stuff, like larps. Which would be true of course – we all know life happens. And when it’s also enjoyable, who we are to not go with it?
And I have been finding these changes happening in my life very enjoyable, mind you. Truth to be told, despite the world-flipping event of losing my mother and the pandemic we are all dealing with, I feel like the last two years were so much fuller and better in the general living department that the previous… ten has been, that I am not even sure where to begin being thankful for that.
I’ve met my people – who want me and my weirdness around in real life. I’ve managed to shift the way I look at the world and people around me and, most importantly, the way I look at myself. Maybe not completely just yet, but I am very close to it right now. It is such a joy to me to notice these changes – whether that would be through the way I now interact with random strangers throughout my day or by this newfound desire to just do things, even the mundane instead of putting them off and spending my days staring at the computer screen.
In short, as outlandish as it would have sounded to me not so long ago, I am happy.
And the big part of this, is because I decided to go to therapy. But, we’ve already spoke about it at length, and this was supposed to be about writing, not me complaining to my therapist take 1115.
However, as I realized lately, these two things may have been more connected than I initially wanted to admit.
Therapy gave me so much. But as it is often in life, it demanded payment. Or rather, an exchange, as we are not talking here about me spending a lot of money to set myself straight.
Truth to be told, my less than stellar update schedule, stems more from the fact that I have been struggling for a while, than from being busy as much as we have to factor this one in as well. And while I can honestly say, I’ve been struggling with writing in general, the main point of problem, has been, incidentally, Journey of Oaths, the story I’ve been the most adamant so far about continuing.
Though struggling is probably a wrong word for it, because to me it kind of implies feeling badly about not being able to do something. And I have been frustrated a bit, yes. Felt slightly guilty for not delivering to my readers. But I haven’t felt well and truly bad about not being able to write. Not like I used to feel anyway.
You see, probably in the same way it is to so many of you, writing had been kind of a “therapy” to me for as long as I can remember. It was a “feel-better” activity, a go-to when I wanted to get my mind off of things or when I wanted to work though something bothering me. It was a way to, in a way, live through my characters. Which is especially true for Lithien, who has been with me since I was twelve. She has been my wish-fulfilment first, then she was my shield, my comfort and my escape. She evolved over the years and I watched on in wonder as she became a better character and loved one at that, by more people than just me, when I put her story on the internet.
She was a companion and a friend. There are so many things I will forever be grateful for her.
But she was, ultimately, always written from the position of seeking solace. Looking back at it now, the times when I published most regularly are coincidentally times when I was struggling one way or another, last time being when my mother was sick and I have been piled with enough stuff to do to break even the most resilient camel’s back.
Lithien came to the rescue when I am feeling down. And that’s great. That’s another thing to be thankful for. But now it’s different. I am a different person. I am thinking differently. And Lithien, while still dear to me, is no longer needed as what she had always basically was – a distraction.
Therapy gave me other ways to deal with all of that unpleasant stuff. For some strange reason, I took liking to running out of my own volition. Once a week I meet up with a group of nerds that allow me to beat them purple with a stick, basically. I am getting beaten in return, but that’s part of the fun. I could go on – the point is. I have other venues to channel that anxious energy.
And Lithien as a character, kind of lost some of her appeal as well. As much as I worked to make her bigger and better, at her core, she still comes from the wish-fulfillment of a teenage girl. She was in many ways, what I wanted to be and thought, I never would be. She’s got everything I wanted to have and, thought I never get. And most importantly perhaps, when her story starts, she is… a finished product. A whole person. This is a great simplification of her arc and her story. Because if would be a lie to say that she does not change and remains unaffected by the events of JoO, but she starts her journey from the position of strength and confidence and never really loses is for too long.
As much as I love her, she does not resonate with me right now. Neve does, much more, but I have been keeping her story on the back burner in hope it will kick JoO into gear. It didn’t. And now I understand I need to stop hoping.
Lithien lost her roots – or at the very least the majority of it. And as much as I still want to one day post a finale to her story, I am not going to simply power my way through that. I tried. And I thought about it. Pushing it won’t change a thing. I need to wait and see, if Lithien will come back to me somehow, feeding on different desires this time. To see, if I will rediscover that connection. But to do that, I can’t keep idling on the story and wait for the next words to simply start falling into place once again.
I need to move forward, search for different purpose and inspiration. It the end, this is something she would do as well. And just as Lithien always ended up returning to Loth Lόrien and her brother. I hope I will to, eventually return to the pages of Journey of Oaths.
Meanwhile, I’ll keep pursuing. And we will see where that will get me.
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale & Laura Hale, Laura Hale & Stiles Stilinski Characters: Derek Hale, Stiles Stilinski, Laura Hale Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Miscommunication, lil bit of angst Summary:
Laura Hale has been the alpha of a teenaged pack who's seen everything from draculas to faeries. How is she going to deal with Stiles getting her brother's name as his soul mark? Especially when said brother already has someone else's name.
(the fic’s under the cut as well)
Even if the pack’s a bit more grown-up now, they still act like the kids they were when she first met them. So as she’s sitting down on the couch with her noodle soup, to enjoy some reality tv, that one pack member or another is going to bust through the door and start clamouring for her attention. But she’s nothing if not headstrong.
The staple fight between the Kardashians is barely in its first act when Stiles rushes through the door, his sneakers squeaking and plaid shirt and jacket flapping around. He smells of anxiety and nervousness, exactly like he did the first day they met.
He whispers urgently, “Laura??!”.
She yells back from the den, “Here!!”
He walks towards her quickly, muttering, “Oh my god, be quiet!!”
When he finally turns the corner and enters the den, Laura puts her bowl aside and pats the seat next to her, “What’s wrong pup?”
He takes a deep breath, and she already expects a long-winded rant, “So, you know about soul marks, right? Obviously, you got yours, you’re still looking for the person with that name, so you know about this thing. Everyone gets it, right? But does everyone get that of the person that reciprocates? Not always. Sometimes people have different names.”
Laura frowns. Why’s he talking about soul marks suddenly? God knows it’s been a sour topic for him since his 17th birthday passed and he didn’t get-
“Oh my god!!! You got your mark??!! Stiles! You-” Stiles muffles her mouth quickly.
“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” He whispers urgently, “Someone might hear!”    
Laura batted his hand away from her mouth, “No one else is here.”
Stiles raises an eyebrow, “Derek?”
Laura shrugs, “He said there was some work that needed to be done on the roof so he went to get supplies from the hardware store.”
Stiles smirks, “Wow, I always thought that nothing short of an apocalypse would make that homebody move from the mansion. But hey, in miracles we must believe.”
Laura smacks his thigh, “Shut up about Derek already, tell me about your mark, where is it?”
Stiles’ smirk becomes a little stilted as he replies, “I can’t really stop talking about Derek, he’s related to this whole mark thing that’s happened to me.”
Laura stutters, “You- Derek? You got Derek?”
Stiles’ smirk is now a full frown, “Yup.”
Laura knows she shouldn’t point it out, and that Stiles knows it already, “But he already has a-”
Stiles doesn’t let her complete, “Yup.”
Laura sighs. Everyone knows that Derek has a mark, he’s had one since they moved back to Beacon Hills, but he doesn’t like showing it or even talking about it, other than the one time he told her that he’d finally gotten his mark.
Laura sighs, “I’m so sorry, Stiles.”
He shrugs, “Yeah well, it is what it is. But that’s not why I came here.”
Laura barely stops her jaw from snapping open, one of the worst things on this planets happened to him and the boy wants to talk about something else. He’s either finally lost his mind or it’s a whack plan to set things straight.
“Oh? What did you want to talk about?”
Stiles shrugs, “I read this thing yesterday. when I got the mark, I couldn’t just wring my hands and cry about it right? So an older version of your uncle’s bestiary has mentions of a ritual that only werewolves can do to exchange marks.”
So whack plan it is. Laura interjects, “Stiles what the hell are you talking about? How can someone tempt fate like that? Also, why would I take my brother’s mark on my self? That’s so many levels of gross and weird.”
Stiles shakes his head, “No, I-”
The thing about the Hale mansion is that after years of use and the god awful fire, the house creaks and rattles with even the smallest wind. So Laura has trained herself to file little noises inside the house away. But she should know better by now. In giving Stiles her full attention, she didn’t keep an ear out for Derek.
And now her younger brother is standing at the door in front of them.
Stiles lets out a faint choking sound, “H-hey Derek, fancy seeing you here.”
Derek growls, “This is my house.”
Stiles laughs like he’s at a polite office party, “Just uh- How much of that did you here?”
Derek grits his jaw, “You don’t want my mark.”
Stiles bobbles his head, “Well, no- but. I- Look Derek, it’s been 3 years since my 20th birthday. I’ve made my peace with being alone and I don’t want to come in the way of you and whoever it is that you have. So it’s a spell that I’ve read. Any werewolf can do it and I then we can exchange names. So I was thinking that I could get the person with your soul mark to switch with me and the both of you can-”
Derek growls again, “No.”
Stiles stutter, “-get togethe- or no. right. Sure. Uh, What exactly, does that mean? No? Like I can’t give your name to your mark, or…?”
Derek sighs, “Give me my mark.”
“Huh?”, Laura knows better to get in the way of, what ever the hell this is, but Derek’s response is entirely unexpected.
 Stiles holds up a finger, “I’m sorry, but what now? You want your own name… as your mark? Isn’t that a bit vain?”
Derek growls and Stiles quickly amends, with his hands tucked inside the collar of his shirt, “Not that there’s anything wrong with being vain. Late-stage capitalism ya’ know, everyone’s on their own...”
Stiles’ voice peters out under Derek’s stern gaze.
Derek grumbles, “There’s nothing wrong with taking my name back. I’ll finally be able to do my own thing and you’ll be fine, the person with my name is some old polish dude. You’ll be rid of him sooner or later.”
Stiles nods jerkily, “Yeah, right. That- It makes sense.”
Laura gets up. She doesn’t want to do this at all. She trusts Stiles with her life and seeing Derek give that up, it breaks her heart. But it’s his life and his choice, she doesn’t want to come in his way.
“Right so what am I supposed to do?”
Stiles startles like he’d forgotten that she was even there, “You don’t need to be here for this lulu, we can manage on our own.”
She sighs and walks out of the den, she’s too tired to nag Stiles about the nickname.
oOo
Stiles holds his arm out to Derek, his sleeves fall back and Derek sees his name written in a neat freshly-dried inky script.
“What am I supposed to do?”
Stiles replies in a whisper and the gravity of the situation dawns on Derek, “Where do you have your mark?"
“On my leg.”
“Okay.” Stiles slides a chair towards him, “put your leg here and roll your pant up.”
Derek does as he’s told while the younger man busies himself with pulling out the photocopy of the tome his uncle had compiled.
“Now what?”
Stiles nods and looks up from his book, “It’s a little awkward, but we have to make our marks touch and-”
Stiles stops short of touching Derek’s leg with his forearm and Derek growls out, “What?”
He knows that the name is funny. He’s spent years on the internet looking for someone with that name and trying to understand the meaning of the name.
“I- That’s mine.”
Derek huffs, “Yes, that’s going to be yours when we switch. You seem to care much more about this then you let on.”
Derek can’t help but get irritated. Stiles wanted nothing more than to get rid of Derek’s name, he was willing to pawn it off to some stranger, but this god-awful key smash of a name is making his sappy?
Stiles looks up at him, “No, I- That’s me. I’m Mieczyslaw Stilinski.”
Derek huffs, “Oh.”
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amphtaminedreams · 3 years
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Spring/Summer & Haute Couture Week 2021: Whoops, I’ve Missed a Loooot (Part 2)
Hey to anyone reading,
I’m so sorry for the gap between the last fashion week review post and this one! Argh. I had no idea I posted it as long ago as the beginning of March but I think we can all agree that lockdown has fucked with our perceptions of time completely. I wish I could say the delay in posting was as simple as me being busy but I’ve also started to reflect on whether or not I want to carry on this format of posts for the time being; on the scale of problems, this one is wayyy down there in the very lower quartile of the first world region, but my motivation to carry on this kind of content in the form of long-winded text posts is...meh...not so much there anymore. At first I was thinking the issue was that working on these was my last priority on my daily to-do lists but as I’ve got back into writing fiction, it’s kind of occurred to me that the fact I was putting these posts on my to-do lists in the first place along with things like doing the ironing and contacting student finance speaks volumes. When I’m back from work or winding down, opening up Tumblr and coming back to this draft isn’t something that I think of as a fun stress reliever in the way drafting stories is. It doesn’t feel like I’m using my imagination or my creativity or expressing myself in any way and it’s not much of an escape from day to day life in the way that writing dialogue or exploring characters is. Maybe it’s because I’ve done quite a few of these posts now but I just tend to feel like I’m repeating myself, you know kinda like when you’re writing an essay and trying to fill up a word count; of course there are collections that I do have a lot of opinions on but by and large, sometimes it boils down to THESE CLOTHES ARE JUST FUCKING PRETTY, OKAY?! There’s only so many things you can say about a tulle skirt or an exaggerated collar before you want to strangle yourself with said tulle. I used to think iF VoGUe RuNwaY wRitErs CaN dO iT WhAT's MY exCusE until I realised that 1). Vogue Runway writers actually get paid and 2). for the most part all they do is explain the designer's intentions behind the collections verbatim without giving a critical opinion anyway.
I think a lot of the pressure I feel to justify what are in reality quite simple observations and opinions goes back to some of the feelings I explained in my first ever fashion week review where people who know more about fashion and have a formal education in the subject tend to be kind of gatekeep-y and elitist. It can never be that you appreciate different things about a collection but rather than one of you has taste and the other doesn’t and if it wasn’t obvious, the taste level assigned to you by the powers that be tend to positively correlate with the amount of money you have available to spend on a degree that has a reputation for failing to provide a steady income, which for most makes it an unrealistic avenue to pursue. I know, I know, the pressure is totally self-inflicted and wholly imagined seeing as I have under 500 followers on here and those who do interact with these posts most likely do so for the pictures but I still feel it, and given that I’m going to have enough external pressure to write essays when I return to uni in September, why on earth am I wasting time putting it on myself? When just posting photosets of my favourite looks is not only actually enjoyable for me but is also what other people WANT to see too? Nobody wants to read a self-indulgent paragraph like this when they’re here for the clothes and to be honest, for the most part I don’t want to write them anyway unless it’s something I have strong feelings about or if a collection can only be properly appreciated with analysis. I think I’ve made pretty clear which designers I’m a fan of, do you really need to hear me raving about Gucci or Zimmerman or Miu Miu or Balenciaga again? Is there gonna be anything revolutionary in yet another rant about Maria Grazia? Course not. I mean, if you are reading, you might have to witness those things one last time because I do intend to finish off this season’s review in this format for consistency purposes and because I’ve already got all the notes now but on the whole, I doubt anyone will miss my rambles.
So, with all that in mind, I think after I finish my S/S21 posts I am gonna start just uploading these posts without the written part. I mean, for one, the simplicity of doing this means I’m much less likely to procrastinate making them which in turn means I’ll be able to get them out right after the shows as a kind of summary as opposed to months later when they’re no longer as relevant. This will also give me more time to work on the writing I actually enjoy. Right now I’m going through and editing my 17 year old self’s “grown-up” take on the Pretty Little Liars blackmail murder mystery style plot line which I wrote back when I was completely and utterly obsessed with the show and bitterly disappointed by the last couple of seasons. The writing is pretty mediocre and often hugely cringey to read back now but I am still a fan of the basic plot and I’m genuinely motivated to see if I can make it something actually worth reading, and to get onto that ASAP; this feels especially important right now given that the HBO version of the series’ apparent upcoming release has sent that ever-present writer’s fear of seeing-your-same-storyline-done-better-by-somebody-else-thus-forever-relegating-your-version-to-being-the-poor-imitation-so-you-gotta-get-there-first into overdrive (or maybe that’s just me and my neuroses). Again, it’s a totally unfounded fear based on the fact that the HBO show will probs get millions of viewers whilst I will be doing little more than shouting into the void but anybody who’s used Turnitin to submit an essay that ultimately counts for little more than like 1% of your grade or degree will know that no matter how irrelevant your work is, the concept of failing a plagiarism check, be it via a computer algorithm or one random stranger on the internet’s assessment, is enough to conjure visions of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse galloping towards you screaming “START THE WHOLE THING AGAIN” before releasing a hoarde of 2015 Chanel vs. Walmart style comparison memes.
Now, speaking of Chanel, I should probably get back into the reviewing. 
So for the last time for a little while, here’s Christian Siriano:
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Siriano’s designs are a great example of work I feel guilty enjoying. I know that when it comes to quality, the high fashion community have a lot of (negative) things to say and I really can’t speak to that because quite honestly, I know very little about textile manufacturing. Solely from my own point of view though, I do like his work a lot. I wouldn’t claim for a minute that he’s a pioneer in terms of his creations but I would 100% love to wear them and I DO hugely admire his commitment to putting women of all sizes on the runway and designing pieces that don’t simply cater to straight up and down types which is more than can be said for most brands. I get that his collections are pretty formulaic, taking what has worked for the likes of Chanel and Alessandra Rich, De La Renta and Carolina Herrera, Michael Kors too (who is kind of guilty of the same thing himself), but that’s not to say his work is bad. Let’s be real, we’ve been on this planet thousands of years, we’re all taking inspiration from someone, and maybe figures like Kors and Siriano could wait a *little* longer before taking said inspiration but their aim at the end of the day is to sell clothes, not break barriers, a task which although often left to the big name brands, they too often fail at. I’m not going to lie, I’m feeling this whimsical mid-century tea party vibe, it’s elegant and it’s cutesy and My Fair Lady-esque, and you bet your arse I would be absolutely thrilled to wear one of these looks on a summer red carpet. I just can’t say no to anything tulle-maybe it’s that I was on Toddlers & Tiaras in a past life or maybe it’s that I watched too many Barbie Princess films growing up, but I like pretty much everything going on here, especially Siriano is giving us matching fedoras too. Plus, can we take a moment to praise Siriano for his COVID relief efforts? Near the beginning of the pandemic, he turned his studio into a mask manufacturing factory in order to send them out as donations, and I think that is very cool.
Then there’s Christopher Kane who once again came through with the most insanely gorgeous prints:
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I mean, paint splattering is hardly a new technique but I haven’t seen it done as a print so tastefully before-it eats the Moschino biro scribble print (which apparently was copied too speaking of the tendencies of designers to “borrow” inspiration) for breakfast. It’s shit because there weren’t many looks in this collection and they weren’t really shot in a way that does them any justice but I thought I’d include the few I saved.
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Comme Des Garcons is a fave of the high fashion community and one I look forward to seeing at fashion week but can never quite get behind. I appreciate the what-the-fuckery of it all with this show totally being able to pass as a run-through of some kind of nuclear waste themed scare house at one of Thorpe Park’s fright nights. I assume given that and the plastic Mickey Mouse print it’s supposed to be some kind of reference to the part late-stage capitalism has played in the hellish landscape we find ourselves in today? Or something all intellectual? In which case I made my interpretation with farrrr too much confidence. But Anyway! Who knows! I’ll leave the analysis to the fashion students, and give it one word: trippy.
Onto Dion Lee, a brand I truly do get excited to talk about because it’s rare that I don’t LOVE his work.
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Without fail, Lee manages to be confidently ahead of the curve without going out of his way to announce it and his genius to everyone with flamboyant shows and exaggerated designs and extortionate prices. He is very much an underdog in the fashion world in terms of big names but you’ll be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn’t love his collections. His S/S21 collection is one of my favourites of the bunch. I love seeing something I’ve never seen before and the palm leaf breast plate is so odd but so cool and so perfectly Dion Lee at the same time; we’ve seen jungle/tropical inspired collections sooo many times *cough cough D&G cough cough* and THIS is how you make them fresh and unique. I mean, never in a million years did I think I’d get behind the resurgence of the gladiator sandal trend but Lee has me changing my mind. This is one of the very rare times you will ever see me using this meme to praise a man but:
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I mean, he has Fernanda Ly modelling for him, that the man has taste goes without saying.
Now for a bit of a full circle moment, given that I did actually praise Dior’s haute couture collection in my first ever post; Maria Grazia did GOOD. Well, with haute couture at least.
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She’s always pretty hamfisted with her references, there’s no denying, with that Grecian Goddess style RTW collection typifying that statement completely, but luckily she struck gold this time round; as someone who studied the Tudors for A-level history, seeing a modern take on the exaggeratedly feminine renaissance silhouettes with the baroque prints and the deep jewell tones got me super excited especially when you throw in the dreamy tarot theming and the nods to the mystical and arcane. Seeing as the Heavenly Bodies Met Gala (I know, I know, I need to move on) was some time ago now and Cersei Lannister’s *SPOILER* been crushed by a rock (could also be seen as a metaphor for the irrelevancy David Benioff and D.B Wise condemned GoT to when they aired that shitty ending tehe) and so probably won’t be getting a collection based on her costumes any time soon, this is the only fashion take on this kind of period dress I’m going to get…and you know what? I’m okay with that. Thanks Maria, I guess?
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Her RTW collection wasn’t absolutely awful either, and slightly better than the past few collections at least. Put a monkey in a room with a typewriter (or show it enough similar well-received collections) and it will eventually write something that makes sense, don’t they say? I like the nomadic feel of a lot of the looks and there’s beautiful layering going on but the aura of exotic opulence unsurprisingly didn’t stick around for long and I found that there was a decline in quality in the midsection of the show that landed a lot of the outfits in either awkward mother of the bride at a beach wedding or The Only Way is Essex Ocean Beach PLT sponsored poolside party territory. The looks picked back up a bit towards the end stretch of the show but I wasn’t a fan of the Gucci style oversized glasses which were so out of place with the rest of the theming that if anything they seemed like a cheap grab at relevancy. So yeah, a middling, subpar Etro-esque collection which is better than usual for Dior I suppose.
Next, Elie Saab, whose S/S21 collection was kinda disappointing, tbh. Oh how the turns have tabled given that positive Dior review and my usual love of Saab’s collections.
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I know his dresses lose some of their appeal when we can’t see them in motion but even ON the runway I can’t see myself being dazzled by any of these pieces the way I usually am. They’re lacking the level of detail and craftsmanship I associate with the brand seemingly in favour of block colours and suits and the issue is that the whole Disney Princess fantasy has always been the appeal for me because the silhouettes aren’t interesting enough on their own. They’re not ugly pieces, they’re nice, but does nice really have a place in high fashion when the pieces are so basic in both their design and presentation that the shots could pass as ripped from a catalogue? The strongest parts of the collection were when it did go down the more delicate route with the muted blue suits and the white feather trimmed dresses, the small, ornamental gold details reminding me of a very toned down nod to Schiaparelli’s hardware, but with regards to the bright coloured pieces, I can’t lie-they did look like something you could find in the M&S Per Una holiday section. Then you’ve got the weakest parts, which were just flat out ugly: sheer giraffe print, sweat band style elasticated waits, and long chiffon shirts that I hate to admit read as frumpy. There are times where I’ve not been particularly excited by an Elie Saab collection in the past, but I do think this is the first time I’ve actively disliked parts of it.
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Conversely, Erdem’s S/S21 collection was super strong, and solidified the brand’s place in my mind as a dependable source of kooky maximalism, this time round giving us  Anya Taylor Joy’s Emma wardrobe on speed. You could tell me Erdem Moralıoğlu had just raided the Bridgerton set’s fitting rooms and put it on a runway and I would 100% believe you and I mean that in a positive way because to give my unpopular opinion, the clothes were the only good thing about that show. The endearingly florid details of exaggerated bows and clashing florals were still there but this time in a way that felt more subtle and self-assured, as if the calming influence of the wooded set’d had a direct hand in the designs, giving the rugged, ethereal feel to the collection I associate with brands like Brock and Simone Rocha, all whilst keeping the parts of Erdem I’m so fond of.
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Is it really much of a shock that I included pretty much every look from the Etro S/S21 show?  Like, you know that Christian idea of God, like, (the voice in my head is very much taking on the dumb valley girl voice that anybody who reads this is most probably getting too) knowing our souls? I think Veronica Etro knows mine. So no, no surprise. Though there were a few unconventional touches thrown into these looks (the campier prints and nautical theming we see with the 80s beach towel print, for example, reminded me a bit of Versace) the mystical bohemian it girl that Etro designs for would still be highly satisfied. Sure, it might be a wardrobe fit for a holiday less adventurous than backpacking but if she wanted a tropical poolside holiday, this collection is the one, the paisley print chiffon mini and maxi dresses especially. I’m just gonna pretend I don’t see the monstrosity that is leggings worn as trousers-it’s a fashion rule I refuse to abandon-because they are the only stain on an otherwise expectedly gorgeous collection.
Next, an unusually reserved RTW collection from Fendi:
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More in line with the wardrobe of a European fashion editor than the glamorous trophy wife (who let’s say uses that facade as a guise to ruthlessly run her husband’s whole business empire from behind the scenes because in this house we do complex female characters only), these pieces are lot “smarter” and more professional looking than Fendi’s typical offerings; where I feel Fendi usually designs for the society girl who wouldn’t mind a front page scandal, these are the kind of outfits a young member of Monaco’s royal family would wear for a positively received but business-as-usual press tour. I know, Fendi is an Italian brand, but this is more Southern France to me. We’re talking some 2nd page shots of a Kate Middleton type on a yacht on the Riviera smiling and waving as her PR team’s ideal scenario. Still, whilst fewer exaggerated silhouettes, animal prints and overtly luxurious fabrics (real leathers, silks and furs for example) mean that the drama’s a little toned down, it’s all still very expensive looking and combines the classically feminine glamour of the past and the minimalism of modernity in the artful manner that we’re used to. Maybe it’s me being a basic bitch but I always love seeing Ashley Graham on the runway too, even if brands to tend to use her as their single token plus size model.
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Kim Jones’ debut haute couture collection for Fendi, however, wasn’t a very well received one. I don’t hate it personally but I can see where the criticisms are coming from. Whilst it’s closer to the version of Fendi I’ve come to expect and there were some stunning pieces which completely encapsulated that distinctive aura of luxe and glamour, there were quite a few lazy pieces which could’ve been from any designer. I also felt the collection was a bit upstaged by what seemed to be a who’s who of the modelling world; having Bella, Cara, Kate and Naomi ALL walk in one show was a bit distracting and took the focus off the clothes completely.
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Giambattista Valli’s RTW collection was gorgeous as ever; the man has undeniably mastered the art of delivering classic, objective elegance, the kind of designs I feel would make you light on your feet and smell like strawberries and cream the minute you put one on. Whilst as a brand his RTW shows are rarely trendsetting, they reliably produce a plethora of unfailingly graceful and demure pieces, as appealing to your mum and your grandma as they are to young women and little girls, and this collection is another victory lap for Valli when it comes to upholding his signature tea party and artisan cupcake making and rose garden strolling and bottomless rosé brunch appropriate aesthetic. There were a lot of outfits that were bordering on overly juvenile, with structures a little too basic to justify the amount of sequins thrown on, but when it’s good, it’s so sweet that regardless of how to formula it is, I can’t help but fall in love.
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Valli’s haute couture collection was stunning too and for sure a more exciting offering than the RTW. There was of course a lot of the signature tulle but it was head-turning, over the top in a way that leant far more towards the experimental than I expected. The photos themselves are 100% believable as a some kind of Vogue behind the scenes editorial shoot on the set of live action Disney princess movie (in between takes of the climactic ball scene if you wanna get specific with the vision); if you are looking for a prettier alternative to the primary colours and disruptive shapes of a Molly Goddard collection, this is the one. It’s giving the themes of excess and abundance I associate with that of the Hunger Games Capitol but through the softer lens of a Sofia Coppola movie, and being the typical cinema loving white girl I am, I’m obviously on board with that vibe.
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I did SUCH a 180 on Givency’s S/S21 collection from when I first saw it to writing a review. My initial reaction was one of disappointment, I guess simply because Givenchy has given us so many bold pieces and presentations over the last few years whereas this is more low-key. After properly considering it though as I would any other brand, I came to the conclusion that I do actually really like it. It’s still got the strange, androgynous silhouettes popping up throughout and the futuristic space-age details but with a more down-to-earth, streetwear feel, albeit a very slick, glossy spin on the trends of the rabble (that’s us guys) of course before we go believing it’s achievable. On the one hand, the devil horn accents are a touch Claire’s accessories halloween range but at the same time, done with confidence they’re kind of cool and bring something new and fun to the table in line with the dark theatre of Givenchy’s last few shows.
Now for Gucci, which for the first time I have to say, if I'm attempting objectivity, is not a standout. 
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Like, can I just start by saying though the format it’s presented in is cute, it’s not ideal as a way of actually showing the collection. I get that the vintage shop bin vibe is a huge part of Gucci’s brand but polaroids make it SO hard to actually see the clothes, and that’s what we’re here for right? I don’t want to give the impression that I don’t like what I see here-the clothes are gorgeous, an idyllic ode to the off-duty wardrobes of Studio 54-ers, bohemian style icons like Charlotte Rampling and young Olivia Newton-John, psychedelic rock guitarists and the inhabitants of San Fransisco’s Haight during the late 60s and early 70s, Alessandro Michele’s favourite period of reference. I can’t pretend otherwise, or act like I wouldn’t want to wear the shit out of this collection. Buut, for Gucci? It’s a little underwhelming. These are the kind of filler looks we get in a typical Gucci show to go alongside the more statement pieces, which this collection is lacking. It’s just that these are designs which usually gets people talking and these pieces don’t do that. It sucks because for most other brands this would be a stand out collection, an immersive, luscious vignette of what people tend to think of as a cultural golden era, but when you’ve had a show that involved models carrying replicas of their own decapitated heads down the runway in the last 5 years, of course something more toned down like this is gonna generate a lot of “is that it?”s.
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I owe Hermes an apology. Looking back, I have disliked all their previous collections for the same reason that I now really like this one; maybe it’s in part down to the frustration of still having to whack out the winter coat on occasion in May (fuck British weather and climate change), but suddenly I really appreciate the value of some good quality, versatile outerwear. Hermes is giving us that in spades here and for that, I bow down to them. The pieces on offer are clearly well-made and genuinely practical, and through the minimalist approach manage to retain both an air of timeless sophistication whilst also being youthful and on trend. The leather tactical vest co-ord I can easily see edged up and taking centre stage on one of those insane Seoul street style slow-mo TikToks that were big a couple of months ago and there are several pieces that could tie together a grunge influenced k-style look just as well as they could exist for years on end as the wardrobe staple of a high-powered businesswoman. Designer Nadège Vanhee-Cybulski’s strengths really come through with the simpler looks and it’s the patterned pieces that drag down an otherwise flawless collection; I guess because the aesthetic is very minimalist, the patterns can’t be anything overly decorative but unfortunately this has a bit of a dowdy effect when you pair it with such modest silhouettes. Disregarding those elements of the collection though, it was super good.
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It goes without saying that Iris Van Herpen’s haute couture collection was breathtaking; if the fashion community can agree on anything, it’s that this woman’s work is consistently awe-inspiring. She captures the wonder of the universe, the biological structures and kaleidoscopic colours we don’t even register, through fashion in a way that others can only imitate, to mesmerising, truly transcendent effect; I can only assume Van Herpen has mother nature whispering into her ear because how the hell else do you explain her ability to take the kind of microscopic organisms they show you images of in an outdated GCSE science powerpoint and make a dress that resembles one so stunning? Care to explain, Iris? Because if there is some kind of line of communication between the two of you can you please tell the bitch I’m over this weather and that I have cute summer outfits I’m waiting to wear so can she pack this torrential rain shit in? K, thanks xoxo
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See it seems shady as fuck to go from IVH to Isabel Marant like this because we are talking 2 designers with totallyyyy different approaches to fashion; Iris Van Herpen is haute couture for starters whereas Marant is commercial, and that’s her thing, but unfair comparisons aside this collection is still a bit of a let down. This is considering I do usually really like Isabel Marant collections based on whether or not I’d wear the pieces, which seems a more appropriate barometer to use to come to a quality verdict. Whilst there were a few of the elegant bohemian pieces my mind goes to when it comes to her brand, the steps outside of that comfort zone didn’t pay off; graffiti print (can be cool if done with some subtlety which apart from a few exceptions was not the case here), cheap looking reflective fabric, and MC Hammer style dungarees, it seems to be an attempt to merge 80s trends with modern urban culture, and an attempt that at times verged on the disastrous. It’s good for a brand to experiment, of course, and appeal to a wider client base than usual, but when it’s bad the unfortunate take away is that the design team don’t have the chops to pull off straying from familiar territory; designers wouldn’t be showing at fashion week if this was truly the case because disregarding the influence of nepotism, fashion is an area you need real talent, perseverance and business smarts to excel in, and so it doesn’t do a team justice when they do fail.
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J.W Anderson, on the other hand, really put his best foot forward this season and presented this work in a really cool way too which only added to the positives; whilst the way the shots were edited was funky af, it didn’t detract from the actual outfits, and if we are to see the same limitations when it comes to the F/W collections being released, this is something a lot of designers and editing teams should take note of. The idiosyncratic exaggerated shapes that we see as a recurring feature of Anderon’s collections were still on show but this time round with added femininity, billowing skirts and trailing jewellery that channel the stage looks of Stevie Nicks in a way that’s modern and functional and maybe even fit for the office if you were to work in a more creative industry with a chill boss. Could also work for a coven of witches who practice meditation by bonfires in the moonlight and burn the letters of men who wronged them in some Arizonian desert, so like I said, functional! Who doesn’t like versatility? The only thing I’m not too keen on is the shoes but they’re not so bad that it affects my opinion of the collection and they look comfy I guess.
Lastly, we’ve got to talk about Jacquemus, one of the most influential names in fashion at the moment. And yes, this time round, I’m doing it: I’m buying into the hype.
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This collection is gorgeousss! I can see already that a lot of the recurring elements of the show are going to be big summer trends for this year (the cut outs and strappy details on the blouses are everywhere already) even though it isn’t hot enough to have collectively decided the time to start dressing for heat is upon us yet, and that’s always a good indicator of how successful the designer was in their vision and attempts to assess the needs and wants of fashion enthusiasts; whether I’m as big a fan of his work as everyone else seems to be, there’s no denying Simon Porte Jacquemus has always excelled at this practice if the buzz around him is anything to go by. It makes sense given the last year of us all being stuck in and suppressed that a lot of us are already romanticising the summer ahead, anticipating picnics and beach days and general Theresa May running through wheat fields type shenanigans galore, in spite of how dubious an assumption it is to make that British weather will allow for this; Porte Jacquemus has very much catered to this wishful thinking and the popularity of the whole escapist “cottage core” aesthetic, sexing it up a little bit with pieces that hug the body in ways only Mugler knows how whilst being lightweight and relaxed enough to look good with windswept, sandy hair and a little dose of sunburn. I’m talking enough to give you some cutesy freckles and rosy cheeks not PSA on the importance of suncream territory, guys, what is it with those of us on the gen Z/millennial cusp not taking sun damage seriously!? Why do I have to beg so many of my friends to wear it!? Does nobody else remember those photos they’d show you in PSHE in English primary schools of burnt people’s skin under UV lights? Or is that just me being weird and only having such a vivid memory of the images because teachers told us we had to wait until year 6 to see them due they to their “graphic” nature only for my gore-loving self to be extremely underwhelmed when we finally did get that lesson? They showed us a woman giving birth in year 4 for fuck’s sake. THAT was traumatising.
Back to the actual point anyway, with just a couple of negatives, the first of which being that the pieces are very similar to those feminine looks we saw dotted about the Jacquemus menswear collection from last year that were all over fashion Twitter. In Simon Porte Jacquemus’ defence though, it makes sense that those tones and silhouettes would be revisited in a full womenswear collection for that very reason; considering they went down so well and that lockdown gave us a bit of a half-baked summer in 2020, expanding on those elements enough for a whole new collection makes good business sense. We did get some cool additions too, mainly in the form of accessories, with the hardware details on the belts similar to those included in the Givenchy collection and the abstract hair slides being standouts for me. It was all exquisite-the shoes, the jewellery, the styling, everything 10/10. My other nitpick, and I say nitpick not because it’s not important but because it’s an issue that’s hardly restricted to Jacquemus (this casting team are far from the worst offenders, Saint Laurent I’m looking at you), is that I WISH we’d see more diversity with the models. Despite what my body dysmorphia yells at me, I am small, and yet seeing all those fucking minuscule waists made me die a little inside; it’s crazy to me that in 2020 the lack of variety in body types on the runway is still such a problem.
I must have said this a million times but I don’t want to end on a negative note so let me reiterate: this collection was STUN. NING. Plus there were some others I’ve talked about in this post that I’m sure will make it into my top 20 in the final part, Jacquemus, Dion Lee and Etro for sure; we even got some gorgeous pieces from Maria Grazia which I thought was a sentence I’d never type out. Have I said enough to not leave a bad taste in the mouth of anyone who read to the end of this post? I hope so, lol! TBH, it’s impressive given everything that’s going on that the majority of designers did roll out collections in September as usual so serious respect to them and their design teams for that.
In the next post, I’ll fingers crossed be able to include everything from Kim Shui (exciting!) through to at least Off-White (actually pretty good this time?!) and make this whole thing a 4 parter before getting straight on top of the photo posts I’m thinking about doing for the time being for the F/W21 shows. So as usual, if you did read to the end thank you so much and I respect the perseverance you must have to get through all my rambling, lmao. Hope everyone is well and coping okay and again, my inbox is always open for any post suggestions, constructive criticism, or just a chat for anyone who needs a listening ear.
Big love and thank you again!
Lauren x
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fanfic-corner · 3 years
Text
Darling, So It Goes
Happy holidays, @slothbaby424! I may not have had as much time as I would like to have had to work on your @destielsecretsanta2020 fic, but I hope you enjoy it anyway (so sorry but it has not been proofread. At all). And a big thank you to @exmintha for the idea when I was struggling!
Again, here’s the playlist. It’s not necessary, but I like listening to music while writing and it’s got a load of Christmas bops on as well!
And, here’s the fic! It is 4639 words, and here’s the link on AO3 if you prefer.
{o0o}
“Pretty please?”
Dean huffed in annoyance, shifting from foot to foot. He really didn’t want to spend a day being pestered by demanding young children and their parents, but when Donna asked like that… well, he wasn’t a monster. “Fine. But if anyone gets any kind of bodily fluid on me, I am out.”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine, sweetheart,” she replied, grinning wildly, and Dean had to smile back. And so, that was how Dean Winchester found himself decked out in the full Santa outfit - beard and hat included - for the Wayward Sister’s Christmas party. 
Ever since they had set up the girl’s home, Jody and Donna had insisted on a big Christmas party. The first year, it was just a way to entertain the kids for the day, but since then it had evolved into an affair of epic standards. Practically the whole of Sioux Falls would show up at one point or another, usually with presents in tow. One year, Jody had confessed to Dean that they probably wouldn’t have been able to keep going without the support they got at Christmas.
To start with, Dean was not a good Santa. There were so many children that he had to keep track of, and who all wanted something and asked awkward questions that he didn’t have the answer to, and the hat was itchy and he could hardly see past the beard. By the time lunch rolled around, however, he had gotten into the swing of things, and was actually starting to enjoy himself.
That was when a stranger dumped a litre of chocolate milk over a guest’s head.
{o0o}
Castiel had been very grateful to get an invitation to a Christmas party, especially one from the people who had helped him adopt his son. He had learnt the hard way that society really doesn’t like gay people adopting kids, even if they were single.
Two hours after arriving, however, he was starting to have second thoughts. There were way more people than he expected and he had never been what someone might call a ‘social butterfly’. More like an ‘anti-social slug’, as Gabriel had once called him. The food was nice, but as it turned out, not all the people were.
“So, where’s your wife? Leave you with the kids, did she?” a man - Zachariah, Castiel thought his name was - said, punching him in the arm slightly harder than necessary.
“Oh, no, I enjoy doing things with Jack. And I’m not married.” 
Zachariah looked Castiel up and down, and let out an interesting noise. He supposed it was probably meant to resemble disbelief, but to him, it sounded like an elephant stomping on a whoopee cushion. “Divorced, are you?”
Castiel raised his eyebrows. Did this man realise he was asking wildly inappropriate questions? He had half a mind to say ‘widowed’ just to see his reaction, but he didn’t dare. “No, I’m not.”
Zachariah seemed mildly uneasy at that, as if he wasn’t sure what other options there were left. “Well, I’m sure a nice lady will come along soon.”
“Actually, I’m gay,” Castiel corrected. So what if it wasn’t 100% true? In his opinion, this idiot deserved to be made as uncomfortable as possible.
Zachariah’s reaction was a little more… extreme than he was expecting. And, by extreme, what Castiel meant was that the man seemed to go through several stages - disbelief, at first, then confusion, and then his posture turned rigid and his face started turning a deeper and deeper shade of tomato red - before completely exploding into some kind of homophobic rage.
Castiel wasn’t even listening to the man ranting, just picking up words like ‘Jesus’ and ‘disgusting’ and more slurs than he could count. He was more concerned by all the children nearby who could hear the garbage this man was spouting, and he needed a way to quickly shut him up.
So, he took the obvious route, and poured the entire carton of chocolate milk that he had got for Jack over his bald head.
{o0o}
Dean felt, as Santa, he should probably go and sort out whatever argument the two morons were having that led to the waste of a perfectly good drink. He had been concerned about kids getting some kind of gunk on him, but apparently adults were equally messy.
“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” Dean asked, standing slightly in between them even though he couldn’t imagine either of them starting a fist fight. The guy covered in milk looked furious, but he was the kind of jerk who wouldn’t want his suit to get any messier than it already was, and the other dude looked like he was in some kind of shock.
“This- This queer just assaulted me!” Suit Man shouted, and Dean suddenly and rather desperately hoped that that chocolate milk was never coming out.
“Excuse me?” he asked, not entirely sure how to respond to that.
“It’s disgusting. They shouldn’t be able to raise a child in that lifestyle. It’s appal-”
“Shut up,” Dean said, rather forcefully and uncomfortably aware of the entire room’s eyes on him.
“What did you just say to me?”
“I said, shut up. What is really disgusting here is your behaviour. You think it is okay to be horrible to another human being just because of who he loves? Now that is bad parenting.” 
If anyone asked him later, Dean would say that he was fuming. That his anger was clouding his judgement. That this dude was being an asshole at Christmas in front of kids. Maybe that’s why his brain spotted the teachable moment - no one argued with fucking Father Christmas - and leaned down, slowly pulling the other man towards him and kissing him gently.
To be honest, Dean was sure that he would pull away. In fact, he gave the stranger plenty of time to do so. But instead, he kissed back. Maybe he was in shock. Maybe he also saw what Dean was doing. But they kissed, and Dean knew, somehow, that it was the beginning.
{o0o}
Castiel went to that stupid party because he thought it would be a good way to entertain Jack for the afternoon, and instead left feeling simultaneously embarrassed, with the bonus of a random man’s number. Who he had kissed. In front of a room full of people.
To his continued surprise (although Castiel thought that perhaps there was a limit on how many surprises he could process in one day), the man - Dean, he said his name was, seemed genuinely interested in going on a date with him.
The Roadhouse didn’t look like a particularly romantic spot, but he was not backing out now.
“You must be Castiel.” A stern-looking woman looks him up and down before nodding in approval. “I’m Ellen. You better not hurt my boy,” she warned with a threatening smile, gesturing towards where Dean was sitting in a booth in the corner. He was clearly not reading the menu, his eyes glassy and unfocused, but he fiddled with it anyway, his leg restlessly bouncing under the table.
“Hello, Dean,” Castiel greeted as he sat down, hoping he was hiding his nerves as well as he thought he was. Remember, fake it ‘til you make it, Meg’s voice reminded him. She had been so excited when he called her about his date, threatening him with unspeakable violence if he didn’t show up. Although, Meg could threaten unspeakable violence about anything. She once left the entirety of his cutlery drawer under Castiel’s duvet just because he forgot to feed her cat once.
“Hiya, Cas,” Dean replied, grinning at him. Even though he was clearly nervous, he still seemed sincerely glad to see him, and it warmed his heart. “You don’t mind if I call ya that, right? Oh - before I forget, you should totally get the Elvis burger. It’s absolutely amazing.”
The meal went remarkably well, considering that Cas usually avoided dates like the plague. First dates were the worst - the annoyance of getting to know each other, and the inevitable awkwardness at the end - and he rarely saw anyone more than once. After a particularly bad night, which had ended with Meg having to come and pick him up from a park during a thunderstorm, Cas had sworn off dating. Yet, here he was, and he couldn’t deny he was enjoying himself.
Just as they had finished eating, two girls bounded up to the table. They clearly knew Dean somehow; one was skinny and blonde and Cas could swear that he could see a knife peeking out from her apron, and the other had flaming red hair and a t-shirt which proclaimed ‘the internet is broken, so I’m outside today’.
“Wanna decorate cookies with us?” they exclaimed at the same time, and before he could process what was happening, Cas had been dragged over to the kitchen where there was already a tray of perfect biscuits cooling on the counter.
The next half an hour was spent in a whirlwind of icing and sprinkles and sugar, and Cas loved every minute, although he really hoped that none of the cookies ended up being given to customers, because he had seen Jack make mud cakes more hygienic than this. Charlie sat in a corner on her phone, blasting Christmas music while focused on texting and taking pictures, whereas Jo was thoroughly entertaining herself by drawing inappropriate designs on her biscuits. Dean and Cas’ actually ended up looking okay, but neither of them were artists, so the cookies still looked like they had been decorated by a toddler.
When they were finished, they left Charlie and Jo to clean up and went back into the main area of the now empty restaurant. A new song came over the speakers, slow and enchanting, and Dean offered Cas a hand. “A dance before you go?”
Dancing with Dean, Cas decided, was magical. They swayed together, gradually getting closer and closer until their chests were pressed together and Cas’ head was resting on Dean’s shoulder. For a minute, Cas could forget everything but this moment. He allowed himself to simply be lost in the music and the warmth of Dean’s body, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat and feel the gentle rise and fall of his chest.
As the song ended, Dean carefully pulled apart just enough to lean down and join their lips in a tender kiss, and Cas thought that he could be in heaven.
But the kiss only got deeper and suddenly Cas’ mind flickered back online just in time to remind him what a ridiculous idea this was. Red flashing lights screamed and wailed and reminded him of what always happened, and the sudden warning jolted his body into action, pulling away from Dean in a panic.
Dean looked down at him with a lazy smile, only frowning when he realised something was wrong. “Cas? Wha- did I do something wrong?”
Cas was shaking his head and reversing all at once, all higher functioning processes having been thrown out of the window. He was babbling, apologising and saying it wasn’t Dean and all the while he knew he was on the edge of some kind of embarrassing meltdown, so in the end, he let his feet do the talking, and fled.
{o0o}
Dean didn’t think the fact he hadn’t left his house in two days had anything to do with the best date he had ever been on ending with the other dude running out on him, but apparently Charlie did. She had been pestering him all day, asking if he wanted to help her decorate for Christmas or go and get milkshakes or watch a film. No matter what she suggested, Dean always declined. He wasn’t feeling it, and if it had anything to do with the trenchcoat staring at him from across the room, he wasn’t going to admit it to anyone.
It wasn’t the first time someone had run out on him, of course, but usually that was on a particularly awkward date or if something bad had happened. He just couldn’t understand what had sent Cas running out of the Roadhouse like that, so panicstricken that he forgot his coat which he came with. Dean didn’t think he had read the situation that badly; in fact, he had been sure that the other man had been enjoying their date.
He sighed and pulled the pillow over his head, trying to ignore his phone as it pinged constantly. Yeah, it was probably Charlie spamming him, but there was always the chance it could be Cas…
Charlie: What about we just go on a really long drive?
Charlie: You can pick the music
Charlie: You shouldn’t be cooped up on Christmas eve eve!
Charlie: Dean Winchester, you better not be ignoring me
Charlie: Dean???
Ellen: You still coming to the party tomorrow?
Oh, shit. Dean had totally forgotten about the Annual Roadhouse Christmas Bash. It was the perfect opportunity to distribute the presents and cards he bought, there was plenty of delicious (and free!) food, and it was generally the highlight of his Christmas. Everyone would be there - Ellen and Jo, Bobby, Charlie, and practically everyone else who lived within a hundred mile radius.
No matter how down Dean was feeling, he wouldn’t miss it for the world. In his opinion, family came before everything.
Dean: course i am
{o0o}
“Come on Clarence, it’s Christmas!” Meg encouraged, nudging Castiel’s shoulder. “I’ll go with you, and Claire can watch Jack. She already agreed.”
Castiel looked down at the napping toddler, one thumb in his mouth and a teddy clutched tight in his tiny hands. It felt like he had barely spent any time with his son in forever, even though he knew it wasn’t true. He knew that if he really didn’t want to go, Meg would let him weasel his way out of this particular social gathering, but he couldn’t help but think that it might be good for him. 
“An hour’s all I’m asking,” Meg begged. He was surprised she hadn’t threatened him with Nair or something yet.
“Fine.” Just one hour, and then a quiet Christmas. What could possibly go wrong?
{o0o}
Dean had busted out his favourite leather jacket, and (at Charlie’s desperate begging) was even wearing just a bit of eyeliner. He was determined to not let his failed date ruin his favourite thing about Christmas, and he would be damned if he spent another minute thinking about Cas.
(So, maybe he had brought the forgotten coat along with him, but that was just so he could give it to Ellen in case Cas came in the Roadhouse again! She was much more likely to see the dude again than him, anyways. It wasn’t Dean’s fault that - because of Charlie’s enthusiasm  to get inside - he had left the thing in the Impala's trunk.)
For the first hour, his plan entirely succeeded. He was distracted by the gift exchanging and the procuring of food and catching up with old friends and avoiding people he didn’t like (namely that one girl who delivered food for Ellen sometimes who he could swear was a demon). It was only after the hour mark when he swore he saw a familiar mop of dark hair, but he immediately dismissed the thought. No way.
He went into the kitchen and chatted to Benny for a while, enjoying catching up on his old friend’s life. Perhaps he got a bit distracted when he heard a familiar gruff voice in the hallway, but other than that, he was sure that his mind was playing tricks on him. Besides, Jo was always up to something. Just because she had a glint in her eye when she came into the kitchen, it didn’t mean anything special. Probably just that some poor fool had a whoopee cushion on their chair somewhere.
It was about halfway through the party when Dean’s plan really started to fail. The music suddenly seemed too loud and the once friendly crowd suddenly made him feel claustrophobic. The smell of burgers and chocolate - no matter how delicious Dean knew they were - was making his stomach roll. The best course of action, he decided, was to step outside for a few minutes, to get some fresh air.
He didn’t expect to find Castiel already out there.
{o0o}
Meg - being Meg - had absolutely insisted, upon their arrival at the Roadhouse, that she didn’t know that it was the location of Castiel’s failed date. Apparently she had been invited (with a plus one) because she occasionally delivered food for them or something, but Castiel smelt a lie in there somewhere.
It would be fine. One hour, free punch and food, and he could go home. He could avoid Dean for one hour. He might not even be there.
An hour in, and Castiel was sure he wasn’t there, in fact. He politely greeted Ellen (who glared daggers at him, which he felt he deserved) and Charlie (who apparently knew Meg). He had a conversation with Jo outside the kitchen (which mostly consisted of him asking where the toilets were and Jo asking if he had called Dean). In fact, he was actually having a fairly pleasant time when he realised that they probably wouldn’t make it home in time to relieve Claire of her babysitting duties, so he quickly rushed outside to call her, but she didn’t pick up.
God only knew where Meg was, but she was - as she put it - a ‘big girl who could handle herself’, so Castiel didn’t bother waiting up. He simply called a taxi, hoping it would get there before he froze to death. He still hadn’t managed to find his favourite coat, and he had deeply mourned his loss.
He was so caught up in hopping from foot to foot and thinking about how much of a tip he was going to give Claire that he nearly didn’t hear the voice coming from the doorway.
“Cas?” Dean Winchester asked.
Fuck, he thought, slowly turning around to be met with the sight of the gorgeous man with a handsome jacket and eyes like a forest. Oh, he was so fucked.
“Hello, Dean,” Cas replied instead, not sure what else to say.
The younger man walked up to him tentatively, as if any quick movement he made might scare Cas off. “Uh… what are you doing here?”
“Meg convinced me to come,” Cas answered, his eyes never quite meeting Dean’s.
“Meg? She- Is she your girlfriend?” Dean looked hurt, but Cas couldn’t help but laugh.
“God, no. She’s my neighbour,” he chuckled.
“Oh, sorry,” Dean mumbled.
It was a lot quieter outside, but even with the background noise - wispy notes of music and the occasional growl of a car’s engine in the distance - their silence seemed deafening. Neither of them was quite sure what to say, and even though Cas knew that it was him who owed Dean the explanation, he did not have the energy to explain himself. In all the twenty two years in which he had understood his sexuality, he had never once been able to describe his experience succinctly, or even in a way that wasn’t babbling nonsense.
Of course the taxi was taking its sweet time to show up.
“I’m sorry,” Cas blurted out, at the same time Dean stammered, “why did you leave?”
They are silent for another moment. “It’s hard to explain,” Cas hesitated.
“Well, I’d kinda like to know,” Dean snapped, wincing as the words came out of his mouth. “Sorry, ignore me. I’m being a dick. You don’t have to explain if you don’t want-”
“I’m asexual,” Cas declared abruptly, cutting Dean off.
Dean opened and closed his mouth for a few seconds, trying to process this. Cas knew, he just knew from the look on his face that this conversation was going to be as horrific as it is every. Single. Time.
“I’ve not heard of that before,” Dean eventually stated.
Cas sighed. He liked Dean, he genuinely did, but it was usually The Talk that scared people off. “I’m not sexually attracted to anyone.”
“Oh,” Dean mumbles, sounding disappointed. “So, the other night…?”
“Romantic and sexual attraction are two different things. I enjoyed our date, but I… panicked, at the end. People tend to, uh… expect things, and I didn’t want to lead you on. Sorry, again. I should have handled it better.”
“S’okay. So you don’t have sex at all?” Dean asked, deadpan. Suddenly, he realised what he said, and he clapped his hands over his mouth. “I am so sorry. That is such a weird question. Don’t answer that.”
Cas huffed out a laugh, watching his breath disappear into the night. Looking up, he watched as the stars winked at him against the inky backdrop, and he took a deep breath. “Would you like to go on another date?”
Cas finally allowed himself to look at Dean, and he was greeted with a warm, sincere smile. “I would love that.”
The moment was broken when Cas’ phone rang, and he fumbled to pick it up with his frozen fingers. “Claire! Sorry I’m late, I’m on my- what’s wrong? Claire, slow down. The hospital? Shit, I’m on my way.”
Cas glanced up at Dean, barely registering his concern, only managing to choke out, “Jack is in the hospital.”
{o0o}
Dean didn’t even hesitate. There was no way in Hell he was gonna let Cas wait for a cab when his son was hurt, and he was bundling the distressed man towards his car before he could even protest. “Which hospital?”
Cas stood by the passenger door completely rigid, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Dean, what are you doing?”
Dean looked at him incredulously, one eyebrow raised. “Giving you a lift, dumbass. Baby is way faster than any taxi.”
“Baby?” Cas asked, but he got in the car anyway.
Luckily, the Roadhouse was only a twenty minute drive away (if you went by the speed limit, and Dean most certainly did not) but even that seemed like an age when he was trying to simultaneously not crash the car and comfort the man in the passenger seat. Dean didn’t have any kids of his own, but he could imagine that this was the worst possible thing that could happen to Cas; to have your own child in danger and not being able to be with them must be torture.
Cas was opening the car door before they had even come to a full stop, and by the time Dean had parked, he was already inside. By the time Dean caught up, he was already deep in conversation with Jody’s daughter, who was distraught. It was almost scary; Dean remembered her as the girl who had thrown a full grown man out of a second story window because he groped her, and every interaction he had ever had with her had made her seem like a badass.
“What’s going on?” he asked, gently shepherding them towards a seat in the waiting room. 
Cas wasn’t listening. He had already stormed off and was in a heated discussion with the receptionist, who kept shaking her head more and more forcefully. 
“A dog attacked him,” Claire hiccuped. “Just came out of nowhere and started tearing at him.”
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Dean assured her, bringing in a hug. He didn’t even care that she was probably getting snot all over his favourite jacket.
Cas stormed back over, looking like he was ready to level a city. “They won’t let me see him until they’ve operated.”
“Shit,” Dean replied, a plan forming. “Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. Claire, you go outside and call Jody and ask her to pick you up, ‘kay? I’m gonna call someone at the Roadhouse to bring some supplies so we can camp here overnight if we need to… Cas, do you have a spare key or something? I can get someone to pick up some stuff from your house that you might need?”
“Meg has a key,” he sniffled.
Fifteen minutes later, everything is as sorted out as it can be. Bobby - the only person left who is safe to drive -  was giving Meg a lift to Cas’ place to pick up their things and to bring some food, and Jody was there to pick up Claire. 
“It’s not your fault, kiddo. Go home and get some rest, we’ll keep you updated,” Dean reassured her.
An hour later, the doctors agreed to let Cas in to see Jack, assuring them that he will be absolutely fine. When Cas finally untangled himself from Dean’s side, he seemed reluctant to leave him, but Dean just smiled gently at him and squeezed his hand. “I’ll wait right here,”
In the end, Jack gets discharged the very same night, coincidentally right as Bobby and apparently an entire ensemble from the Roadhouse show up. Jo is there with enough leftovers to feed an army, and Charlie and Meg had enough blankets and bags of clothes with them that Dean winced when he spared a thought for the state Cas’ house was going to be in. 
It was a little awkward when Cas walked out of the hospital with a sleeping Jack in his arms, bundled in one of the many blankets, but Bobby just huffed and offered to give them a lift back home. Charlie clambered into the Impala without a second word - it would not be the first time she had slept over at Dean’s while drunk - leaving Dean to say goodbye.
“Night, Cas. And Merry Christmas,” he said, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly.
“Thank you, Dean,” Cas replied, and they both knew he wasn’t talking about the holiday wishes.
{o0o}
The next time they actually managed to see each other was New Year’s Eve. Dean had shown up on Cas’ doorstep with chocolate, an armful of fireworks, and his usual lopsided smile. Obviously, he was not going to be refused.
They set the fireworks off as soon as it went dark, Cas holding Jack a safe distance away while Dean lit them, his silhouette dancing in the darkness of the garden. The bangs elicited excited squeaks from Jack, his eyes open wide in awe. He had never seen fireworks up close before.
After Jack had been tucked into sleep, Cas returned downstairs to find Dean lounging on the porch, two glasses of champagne poured. They sat outside for hours, watching the explosions of colour mix with the stars until it was impossible to tell them apart. 
Cas couldn’t help but think that Dean was beautiful in this light; mellow and golden, his eyes sparkling underneath a halo of sparks.
Before long, it was a minute to midnight. “I… can I kiss you again?” Dean mumbled, his eyes flicking over to Cas nervously.
He smiled reassuringly. “I think I would like that.”
“Oh, uh, awesome.” It was hard to tell, but he was sure that Dean was blushing furiously. “I just wasn’t sure if you were, like, aromantic or something.”
Cas’ eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You know what that is?”
“I googled it all after you told me. Figured I should probably learn all the terms, y’know?”
All of a sudden, Castiel realised that he might be falling in love. No one had ever bothered doing anything like that for him before.
A chant started up in the distance, a thousand voices all counting down at the same time.
Ten
Nine
Eight
Dean gently cupped the back of Cas’ neck, pulling him closer until he could feel the warmth of his face.
Seven
Six
Five
Cas smiled up at him, lost in the forests that he called eyes.
Four
Three
Two
“Happy New Year, Cas,” Dean whispered, and their lips collided, better than any firework.
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brinesystem · 3 years
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i’m gonna go on a kind of long rant/tangent type thing real quick???
i find it interesting how there are sometimes posts about how you shouldn’t romanticize did, which is valid, but how those posts then go on to mention things like “never showing the bad side on tumblr” and claiming those people are just making it up, or how they actually don’t have a bad side and that’s just unreasonable
like??
we don’t post most of the negative things that happen to us on tumblr!
we do when very triggered, but we try hard to keep it out of view, and only post those things rarely.
why, asked nobody?
because it’s *our blog*.
none of us in system hate eachother. we don’t hate having did!
we hate the trauma, yeah! we hate a lot of the symptoms, the triggers, the flashbacks, the times where we stayed awake for days on end, or slept for literal days due to depression and mental issues
but our system??? we don’t hate that!
we all formed for a reason, and that reason is to help eachother. even our ‘persecutors’, which we hesitate to call them that, are just... traumatized and trying their best. how could we hate someone who’s trying like that? even if they’re in system?
we aren’t here to talk about negative shit all the time because that’s just... depressing. that’s how we spiral into negative mindsets.
yeah, there are bad days. there are days when ALL we can post is negative stuff.
so we’re careful to post all the good we can alongside it. all the things that make us happy, so that on those bad days, we have something to look back at.
yet some people on the internet would say we’re faking did or lying to others about what did is like. which... i don’t get. i just don’t. like, are you anti-recovery? do you want everyone with did to be totally miserable all the time?? or do you expect everyone to be completely open about all their triggers, bad days, trauma, to complete strangers??
if not, then... what are those mentions for. why would you bring up people who don’t post mean things about other alters in system, or who only post happy things? why are people so against others being happy?
i think this also goes into why we don’t like it when people get upset about others being ‘too separated’. because for us, that’s what helped us heal. our recovery is going so much smoother, and less miserable now that we acknowledge eachother as equals, because we aren’t stepping on eachothers toes.
yeah, somedays we go “dammit, why did Alter 3 do that”, because we have to fix things, but that’s so much better than sitting around hating ourselves for being moody and negative at random times. it’s so much better to go ‘they’re a person too, why did they do that’ and ask and communicate. ESPECIALLY since we all act WILDLY different from eachother! we act different, we look different, we SOUND different even! it’d be a nightmare for us to pretend to be a singlet, or to force ourselves to act like a single person rather than a group working together. we would know! we’ve done it before!
one person’s recovery doesn’t look like another person’s, is what i guess i’m trying to say. ours won’t look like yours. yours might not look like your friend’s. all of those are okay, as long as the end result is becoming someone you like, and as few people as possible get hurt along the way.
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tothemeadow · 3 years
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I've been a proshipper for awhile now but I don't think I want to be anymore? I'm not an anti either though. Maybe I just need a fresh online start? I know it all comes down to not bullying others, which I would never do but there's so much casual racism in the community and whenever I bring it up I get told it's just fiction. As a poc seeing people with blm in their bio creating media that exists solely on race, whitewashing, or stereotypes feels bad. My friends also screenshot teenagers that say they don't like problematic content (not being violent, just complaining in their circle) and then make a whole thread mocking them and it makes me feel sick. Idc that "that's what antis do", two wrongs don't make a right. Idk, I just feel too old for discourse posting (I'm only 22) and I realized that I want to enjoy my problematic content on my own I guess. Barely any of these issues exist off the internet. I like all the characters I want without judgement AND I can also freely say "fictional 18+ content of a 5 year old is weird" and not get an essay about how I'm trying to commit mass censorship. I don't want to be harassed by people for what I like, but I don't want to be called a cop for saying "maybe writing the N word in this fic as a white person is bad." I ESPECIALLY don't want to be gaslit and told that the people doing it aren't "real" proshippers. Sorry for ranting, I just feel alone on this I guess.
I’m glad you feel comfortable getting this off your chest, and I appreciate your honesty. Perhaps I can provide some comfort ot advice?
First and foremost, ship whoever the fuck you want. As long as it’s legal, go for it. Frankly, I ship characters because there’s nice pieces of art/writings? Also, it’s a fictional character and there’s worse things in the world to worry about?
Anyway, the internet is a shit place. While there’s incredible things out here, people strive for negativity to the point where it isn’t even funny. Since things are “anonymous” or not face-to-face, people act like cowards and target others since they “can’t get in trouble.” In my opinion, people tend to lack maturity when it comes to the internet and it’s disgusting. This is a big reason why I don’t have many social media accounts, and by god it’s one of the best decisions of my life. I’d rather spend my time worrying about my frail grandmother who has Alzheimers rather than argue with some stranger over an issue that neither of us can control.
As for the race issue, I try to keep things neutral as possible in my works. Unless somebody specifically asks for something, that’s how I try to do it. I myself am white, and I know a lot of works cater to lighter skin people. It’s unfair, yes, but there’s nothing I can do personally about the issue. (This is where my POC writers come and serve justice, to kudos to you 👏👏👏)
What I’m trying to say is that the internet is not a good place. While there IS some safe spaces, overall it’s shit. People do get sensitive for the wrong reasons, and it completely blows my mind for their arguments. Maybe I sound like an asshole about this, but I truly do think people are wasting their time and energy on trying to bring others down. If someone randomly left a message in my inbox saying something along the lines of “you suck, fuck off,” like... Who cares? They’re probably gonna be on anon anyway? Whatever I write and post is not affecting your life whatsoever, besides the point of you “not liking it.”
And that’s what it boils down to. If people don’t agree with each other, they tear the other down. And it’s like hey, if you wanna act like a damn monkey, go to a zoo. I understand that people don’t share the same ideology as me, but come on. It’s not hard to not treat others like shit. Then again, common decency is too hard to understand nowadays, at least at a majority level.
I probably sound like I’m preaching or I’m saying I’m better than others. And you know what? That’s okay. Why? Because I respect others, especially online. If I don’t like what I see, I click away rather than target them and try to make them feel like shit. Like what RuPaul said, it is NOT your business what other people think of you. If they don’t like you, who cares? If they don’t like what you’re into, who cares? As far as I’m concerned, it’s your own life and you can do as you please.
I realized I’m rambling, wow. I may have gotten off topic >.> Either way, I’m trying to say is “do what you want.” Granted, I’m not saying you should do illegal shit, but just... enjoy what you want? I don’t think I can convey this through text, and I apologize. Being online means you have to walk on eggshells constantly, and that’s what sucks about it. I mean, aren’t most things out there for our enjoyment? Who decided it would be a good idea to knock that idea and turn communities into such toxic places?
If I could rewrite the world, I would. I personally apologize if my words seem “typical” in any sort of way. I know people tend to write with their familiar with, and maybe of caution? Like, they don’t want to screw something up? I dunno. This is a big rant, yada yada, and I don’t know if it makes sense or even helps. I’ve said numerous times that I want this blog to be an open place, so I thank you for being honest.
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cartoonfangirl1218 · 3 years
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Give them what they want ch. 4
"Rajah can be base!" Fahran crowed as he grabbed the pet tiger's tale.
It was the final day of vacation before heading back to Auradon Prep, and Jordan was spending it to play tag with Aladdin and Jasmine's youngest children, 7 year old Asha and 5 year old Fahran. Not that there was much to do with the eldest, Zahrat Alquamar and her husband going cradle shopping while Aziz, Cassima, and Jay practicing R.O.A.R. moves.
But it was nice, after all the kids were adorable and all the work of keeping them out of trouble kept her mind off things for awhile.
She felt that everything was so hopeless whereas her love life was concerned, and she couldn't think of what to do. She searched any information she could on the Internet. But sites devoted to specific genie love problems were nonexistent. Which was only proving her idea that maybe she would never find love. She was never meant to.
So she tried to go on with her life and take breaks to reflect on her self worth by listening to her soundtrack of heartbreak an despair.
She had thought of asking her parents about it, but quickly discarded the idea. Genie and Eden, helpful advice. Never went well. Parenting was not their strong suit at all. They had gotten a bit restless with all the changing diapers and catering to needs and paying attention. There was a whole new world to explore, parties to start and having fun with their newfound freedom. So they turned over their parenting duties to Aladdin and Jasmine from 3 years old on. While she still visited them and spent vacations, the majority of the time, she called Jasmine and Aladdin her parents.
She had been bitter about it. But she understood that it was better she had been raised by Jasmine and Aladdin. They were dependable, they cared about her grades at school, and social life, and were the best people to call in a stressed situation. No where near as flighty, oblivious, or forgetful as her biological ones.
Okay, maybe she was still a little bitter about the abandonment.
She had asked advice from them before, specifically on how to deal with her love life and her friends using her. All she got was that in a few years, give it a couple of centuries or so, she'll find someone. Play along with it. If you really wanna forget your troubles, have some wine.
They never really felt the pain of being used. All they had were masters, they expected to give wishes, if they happened t find love, bonus. It never really bothered them because they had lived for years in a world where people didn't value them for their personalities.
Auradon was SUPPOSE to care for people for their individuality and inner beauty. If only, she could find someone that had that same idea when dating her.
"How about the fountain as base?" Jordan suggested as she gently pried Fahran's hand from his death grip on the tail. "The fountain doesn't feel pain if you jump on it too hard." As if agreeing with Jordan's statement, Rajah yanked his tail away, swatting Fahran on the cheek as he did so.
"Jordan just the person I wanted to see." Jasmine called as she and Aladdin walked out to the courtyard.
"Uh yes?" Jordan moved away to the garden path Jasmine was walking on while Aladdin went off to play with the kids.
Jasmine leaned closer to her, "Aziz told me about Pierce." When Jordan didn't answer, she continued talking with a low, calm voice, "He told me the same day you told him. I was hoping you would come to me on your own during this vacation, but since tomorrow you're leaving again, I wanted to bring it up."
Jordan felt her stomach sink. She had so much wanted to ignore the event that had happened.
"When Aziz told you about Pierce, did he tell you, how I told him that I would deal with it? That I was over it." Jordan said
"I know you don't like talking about it..." Jasmine said softly, "But I wasn't going to suggest that. I just wanted to know if you wanted me to do something with the administration. Maybe take a few days off. I know it hurts since you were telling me how.. How great he was when you were dating."
Jordan couldn't help but think of lyrics from her soundtrack of heartbreak and despair. "I loved him but only on my own."
"It's okay mom. I've been dating other people." Jordan tried to plaster a smile on her face but Jasmine's thoughtful, knowing look made her drop it.
"Which hasn't ended well. Jay told me about the limo turned python. He was impressed."
Dina had been furious with Jordan replacing the limo with a python, but hadn't reported her use of magic. Although it was against the ban for Jordan to use her magic, it had been against the Anti-Magic Ban for Dina to wish for it in the first place. So tough for her.
"Am I getting punished for that?" Jordan sighed
"No, I can imagine why you decided to do that if she had wished for that limo in the first place. Right now, I want to talk about Pierce." Jasmine answered.
"I can't do anything about that. People date me for their reasons to date me." Jordan replied.
"When it comes to me, their kisses come free but they never give all the heart."
"You can do something about Pierce." Jasmine said. "He should not be allowed at that school. Taking advantage of your magic like that. Allah, forbid that he wants seconds. You don't have to say anything, I will do the talking."
"No, Mom" Jordan grabbed her shoulder, stopping Jasmine mid-rant. "I would have done it myself. But seriously, I don't care what happened to me. It doesn't matter. It's only going to happen again."
"Not if I report him." Jasmine answered stonily, "I'm more than willing to press charges."
"Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn. But that wouldn't change the fact, that wouldn't speed the time. Once the foundation's cracked, and I'm still hurting."
"Not just him. From anyone. If one person can wish that, another person can. They already did." Jordan whispered, remembering the first time that event had happened. "Relationships, strangers. It's happened centuries before, and I'll have to deal with it in the future. After all, I'm a genie. People expect me to give them pleasure..."
Jasmine took a hard look at Jordan, maving her stare directly into her eyes. "I do NOT want to hear that explanation ever again. That is asinine and I will not have it. Just because you are a genie, that is no reason to allow them to abuse you or take advantage of you or rape you. You are a person as anyone else. The idea that you are "meant" to do it means nothing. You do not have a master,you are no one's genie, and you never will. "
"The world has no right to my heart, the world has no place in my bed"
Jordan wanted to cry into Jasmine's chest like she used to do when she was younger and had nightmares about those situations. "I still can't do anything though. I..you see. Pierce's third wish was that no one could get revenge on him for this. Not by physical means or through reputation. Even if you put a report, it wouldn't go through or maybe backfire. Belive me, I tried to throw a case at him and it only hit me."
Jasmine's face transformed from righteous fury to pained understanding. It only made Jordan feel worse to see it. Jasmine, her adoptive mother cared so much for her well-being. And here, she had gotten raped and she was helpless to get justice or find closure in some way.
"Mom.." Jordan ventured to tell what had been haunting her thoughts lately, "All people want from me are wishes."
"I don't. None of your family does." Jasmine inturrupted.
"But what about everyone else do. They dump me if I don't. And so far no one has dated me for any other reason, and it's been like this for years. I was wondering if anyone ever would. No one, no one cares for me otherwise.."
"They see me for what I am. Which is a horrible, stupid, dumb and ugly, fat, and stupid, simple, self-hating bitch."
"There are people who care more than about wishes." Jasmine insisted. Jordan thought of Calix, but he didn't see her in that way. Her family didn't see her that way for obvious reasons. Her parents would never but...they had left her. Her stomachs felt hollow as she had a sudden gripping fear that her relationship with the rest of her adoptive family might change. Her parents obviously thought she was a handful and gave her to someone else.
"When you once unafraid wore your heart on your sleeve, and the ones that you loved, chose to just turn and leave."
Jordan straightened her back and took a deep breath, "You're right, Mom." She said quickly, "Thank you for the talk. I better pack up before going." She gave a brief hug and speed walked to the palace. The next day, she avoided any further conversation than the goodbyes and was soon off to Auradon.
Her thoughts swirled around desperately, as she imagined what she would be left without her adoptive family. The inevitable day that they died and she was still living or worse, they see her as everyone else does and reject her.
She wanted assurance but didn't want to broach the subject with anyone. What if she brought it up, and with some thinking they do realize her bad points if they hadn't already.
"Only when you're left alone does it get sad."
At first it seemed irrational but the more she thought, the more it made sense. Clearly something was wrong with her. Why else would everyone leave her? She had to be good. She had to be perfect and nice and do everything they wanted. Say anything they wanted to hear. Be anything they wanted. Anything to keep them from leaving her. She had to give them everything they could want from her.
"Cause everybody, they love a winner. So nobody love me. Lady peaceful, Lady happy. That's what I long to be. All the odds are, they're in my favor, Something's bound to begin. It's gonna happen, happen sometime. Maybe this time, maybe this time I'll win!"
Author's Note: And it slowly comes back to the title.
So yet another chapter in this story has been completed. Whew. Things are still going down from here. Don't know when I'll update but the movie is coming! Woo!
Anyway some miscellaneous notes.
Zahrat Alquamar means Moonflower in Arabic. I thought it would be nice, since Yasmin would be so unoriginal.
Cassim was the name of Aladdin's dad so that is where Cassima comes from.
Eden was Genie's girlfriend in the Aladdin series. Until proof is shown, I firmly believe that Eden is his wife and Jordan's mom.
So soundtrack of heartbreak and despair songs,
"I loved him, but only on my own" ~On my own (Les Miserables)
"When it comes to me, their kisses come free but they never give all the heart" ~Never give all the heart (Smash)
"Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn, but that wouldn't change the fact. That wouldn't speed the time. Once the foundation's cracked and I'm still hurting." ~Still hurting (The Last Five Years)
"The world has no right to my heart, the world has no place in my bed" ~Burn (Hamilton)
"They see me for what I am. Which is a horrible, stupid, dumb and ugly, fat and stupid, simple, self hating bitch." ~You, Stupid Bitch (Crazy Ex Girlfriend)
"When you once unafraid wore your heart on your sleeve, and the ones that you love chose to just turn and leave." ~Safer (First Date)
"Only when you're left alone does it get sad." ~Dying ain't so bad (Bonnie and Clyde)
"Cause everybody, they love a winner. So nobody love me. Lady peaceful, Lady happy. That's what I long to be. All the odds are, they're in my favor, Something's bound to begin. It's gonna happen, happen sometime. Maybe this time, maybe this time I'll win!" ~Maybe this time (Cabernet)
All grammatical and spelling mistakes are mine. Sometimes Autocorrect, depending how ridiculous it is.
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queenerdloser · 4 years
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so i’m going to type this out so i can hopefully purge it out of my memory & because there’s no better audience than.a bunch of strangers on the internet. tw for some gross conservative opinions i guess.
so quick context; my step-dad is a hardline conservative and my mom has basically swallowed his bullshit hook line and sinker. they are, both of them, extremely inflexible when it comes to their opinions and very unwilling to listen to anyone who disagrees with them. i’m living temporarily in their apartment since i just moved back into the country.
so they came home tonight for the first time since i arrived back from japan and we were having dinner. i brought up that my sister wanted to take a trip since kids are doing online schooling here, which my step-dad immediately jumped on how it was not good and my mom started in on how it was so terrible for kids and how “they” want to bring down education and how the entire situation right now somehow reminded her of fahrenheit 451. when i asked who the hell the “they” was, it became an increasingly convoluted rant about the oppressive government that is somehow restricting american freedom bc they might require everyone to have a corona vaccine... which my step-dad, with all seriousness, thinks could contain a microchip to monitor the population. 
so i point out how insane this entire reasoning is (when asked why he thinks this, he basically just said “well BILL GATES backed a vaccine and he’s the ceo of microsoft!! so!!” and i was like ??? is that a logical argument or?? i mean i’m no bill gates fan but that’s a hell of a fucking leap to make) they turned around and started waxing on about how america was founded on FREEDOM (and i use all caps bc that’s literally how they talked about it). when i, again, pointed out that at america’s founding it was actually just freedom for white men, my step-dad was like “well that doesn’t matter!! are you telling me bc some people didnt have freedom it’s okay to take away my freedom now?” and my mom was in the background literally screaming at me about how i need to have loyalty to my country and how it’s written in the constitution that you have to be loyal or you can’t be a citizen (which is uh... very not true unless i’m misremembering the constitution) and i should just leave the country if i hated it so much. when i explained that being critical of my country is very different from being an actual traitor, she just kept repeating that i needed to be loyal and then couldn’t fucking explain at all what being “disloyal” meant. 
(also they brought up how the protestors were trying to change the country and they shouldn’t be allowed to do that and when i was like “uh actually we have changed the country many times over. the founding fathers changed their country!!” my step-dad and mom were both yelling about how, actually, the founding fathers created a country as if they didn’t do it in direct opposition to the british and a big old fuck you to their mother country. my parents are both die-hard founding fathers supporters so i didn’t bring up the whole “i mean they were wealthy white slave owners so can we stop idolizing them” argument either - wouldn’t have been worth it.)
meanwhile my literally insane step-father is going on and on about how people die everyday so the government shouldn’t require a corona vaccine - it’s people’s own lives they’re putting at risk (ignoring, of course, that by contracting the disease without a vaccine they risk further spread through vulnerable populations that can’t be vaccinated for health reasons a la the return of the measles). i told him it was beyond disrespectful to people suffering from corona and the thousands who’ve died from it to diminish it to some bullshit “well people die everyday” argument and he scoffed and told me it didn’t matter bc more people died from car accidents than corona. (which, when i checked later, is also very much not true lmao)
okay, i pointed out, but there are regulations in place to make cars safer and lesson accidents, right? he then somehow made the very insane leap that the government has no right to require people to wear their seatbelts because the choice to not wear a seatbelt and endanger your own life should be entirely up to you and that it’s somehow a restriction of freedom to make it illegal to not wear your seatbelt. i didn’t say this at the time but now i’m thinking that i probably should have brought up that people regularly choose to flout this law anyway, it’s not a jail-able offense, and most of the time cops do not run people down for not wearing a seatbelt - so it’s a fucking moot point, bc it’s a law we regard as cavalierly as jaywalking. and not wearing a seatbelt and getting into an accident can cause other people to die or make things worse for other people in your car. and.... like yeah, i really DON’T care if the govt decides to create regulations that are designed to decrease loss of life even should someone decide they want to lose their life. saying “oh well someone should have the right to choose to risk their lives without that damn government interference” is a very wild argument. like sorry the govt wants you to stay safe and alive in your car, i guess??? how dare they try to lessen the loss of life and set regulations for drivers and car companies to follow?????????
anyway, this then completely unravels into me bringing up again that i explicitly don’t trust trump’s government with how they handle the virus & our real concern should be big pharma jacking up vaccine costs just bc they can and my step-dad went on a long diatribe about how vaccine research costs money and it’s totally cool if they decide to make the vaccine itself 3x the production costs. when i brought up (stupidly) that i thought the vaccine should actually be free if the govt is really going to require everyone to take it, he basically exploded and went on a long gibbering rant about how could i expect anyone to do anything for free, we might as well let everyone do their job for free! who’s going to pay for it? was repeated over and over again. he brought up free education and was not happy when i explained that i was very fine with my taxes going to paying for free education instead of military expenses.
finally, the icing on this very shitty hour of my life was my mom trying to tell me with all seriousness that trump is not an idiot, that i should respect him for being a “financial wizard” (literally her words!!!) and that i can’t criticize or disrespect him bc he’s a president. when i pointed out that a) i didn’t vote for him so i don’t actually acknowledge him as “my” president and b) that’s fucking insane, she started in how she didn’t “raise me this way” and that, once again, I was being disloyal to my country, that i was clearly uneducated and didn’t know anything about american history, and that i was being brainwashed and overtaken by propaganda. (when i told her flatout that the only one being brainwashed and overtaken by propaganda was her, she was also not happy.)
i brought up how trump wants to try to delay the election - my step-dad scoffed and asked where i got my information. the news, i said, bc i read the article from the bbc. THE NEWS? he said with complete disbelief. YOU CAN’T BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU HEAR IN THE NEWS. okay, i said with increasing disbelief that this was my life. well then how do you get your information? my mom chimes in with a hysterical: FROM MY GUT. 
(i told my step-dad i read a variety of news articles and he told me he does too, but then he went on about how i apparently read the “wrong” news bc i happen to disagree with all of his insane arguments.)
i pointed out that i might like trump more if he was at all competent, compassionate, interested in doing his job, and not sexist, racist, and homophobic. my step-dad, completely unwilling to entertain the idea that he might be wrong, scoffed and said that trump wasn’t racist. okay, i said with the increasing desire to murder something. how is that something you can possibly say. my step-dad goes on to smugly assure me that someone who hires black people can’t be racist, actually. unsure of how to even begin dismantling this mind-numbingly bad logic, i countered with the assertion that trump has been openly racist on many platforms. my step-dad and my mom turned towards talking about how “noticing someone’s race isn’t racist!” and “isn’t your bias against white people actually racist?” and that’s when i fucking lost it, grabbed my keys and my phone and ran out of the apartment to go have a fucking panic attack in the fucking backyard. 
this was like an hour. my mom was screaming at me for like half of it and my step-dad was yelling and they constantly kept fucking talking over me and going round and fucking round in circles or making nonsensical general statements (”money doesn’t grow on trees!” “what about FREEDOM?” “loyalty is everything!” and so on). there was a literal comparison of being required to take a vaccine to nazi fucking germany. (my step-dad, clearly displaying how little he thinks of my intelligence, had the gall to try to “explain” to me that they killed jewish people during nazi germany. yeah dude. i learned that in fucking elementary school. i’m aware.) i was told that i was “too young” to understand what i was talking about, that i had no critical thinking skills, that my criticism of my country was treasonous and that i should just leave if i didn’t want to be here. 
i left for two hours. i’m still shaking bc i had a panic attack & then several smaller attacks while i was walking around my neighborhood trying to figure out if i should disappear until they went to sleep and how the hell i’m going to stay in their household until september, where i thankfully have alternate housing lined up. my mom just came into my room all remorseful, trying to get me to tell her where i was and apologizing in a way that didn’t actually apologize at all (”i’m sorry for what happened” she said, not all enunciating that she’s sorry for yelling at me, calling me names, undermining my critical thought, and basically being an all-out fanatical asshole for no imaginable reason. “and on our first night together, too!” she added, as if this happened somehow out of her control.)
i knew that living with them would be uncomfortable but i seriously had no idea that i would be standing there, making jokes and trying to calmly explain myself in the face of their loud vitriol. like. i wasn’t yelling! i think the only time i even snapped at them was when they tried to cut me off when i was talking. i tried to crack wise, to get them to see the utter ridiculousness they were spouting and yet!! they were both so violently, fanatically angry at me for just like... not thinking america is the greatest country in the world. not thinking trump is actually a good president. not agreeing that a corona vaccine is actually a secret ploy to microchip people for the oppressive government. 
i left panic behind an hour ago & have crossed steadily over into anger but the fact is that if i have to have another “conversation” like that with them i will lose it entirely and i don’t know how i can live in this house and somehow do the mental gymnastics to avoid all “taboo” subjects. my mom clearly wants to pretend it didn’t happen, which is honestly her m.o. whenever we fight, but how the fuck am i supposed to forget her calling me a traitor and ranting at me about how uneducated and dimwitted i am? 
god. i’ll probably delete this, but i needed to lay it all out. in case anyone was wondering YES people who think this utter bullshit do exist and apparently i’m so blessed i get to have one of them as my own fucking mother. 
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whaticameherefor · 4 years
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Now Leaving Illinois - 10x10 Review
Okay so this is like, incredibly late but whatever. I have thoughts still so I’m gonna subject you to them. I know it’s been a rough week with the renewal and confirmation of the final season and all the news about things being cut (again) and all the differing opinions that all brings on. But just wanna say, not like you need a stranger on the internet to validate your feelings, but you’re allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling. I, myself, am happy about another season (I’m a greedy bitch lol) but very much worried about what they’ll do to our boys after their happy ending this season. I’m also happy with the content we’re getting while also being really pissed off that that’s ALL we’re getting. You’re allowed to be both. But I don’t think the attitude of being happy with scraps we’re getting and chastising those of us that voice a dissenting opinion is the way to go. It breeds complacency and shows TPTB that the way Gallavich is being treated is okay. And it’s not. They need to do better next season. I don’t know if they can learn from the mistakes of this season and course correct with such a quick turnaround and the reluctance in the past to do so, but all we can do is hope.
 Anyway! Not much to work with this week, so I hope ya’ll have stretched and warmed up. Time for some heavy lifting.
 Before I get into this week’s episode I wanna touch on what was cut from last week - “Maybe one day I will wanna get married, but in the meantime, I love you.” And then Ian goes on to say, “I’m not saying never.” And Mickey responds with, “No, you’re just saying you don’t love me enough now.”
So, while it seems like some of what they’ve been cutting from their story is because of dropped plots (Cartel), some things just might seem insignificant and that’s why they get cut. I’d argue that Shameless drops plot points all the time and if things are insignificant they shouldn’t have been written and therefore should be kept in anyway, it seems like a lot of things are being cut for no reason. It’s not for time, there are other places they can save on time (hello homeless encampment) so there’s something going on behind the scenes. But whatever, I don’t really think this is insignificant — it indicates that Ian just needs more time, he’s not ruling marriage out completely, he is definitely thinking about it. Which we know - he’s overthinking it. And it reinforces why it’s marriage and not just commitment that Mickey’s after. I mean, we all know why it’s marriage specifically because we can see both POVs, but before it was kinda open for interpretation about needing commitment in general and marriage was just the easiest way to get that. I don’t think Ian understands that, he’s too preoccupied with his point of view and the concept of marriage, he’s not seeing it from Mickey’s perspective quite yet. And Mickey is viewing Ian’s reluctance as a sign that Ian doesn’t love him enough now, but will more time actually change anything for Ian? Mickey doesn’t think so - if he’s not ready to commit to Mickey now, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be. Look at all the shit they’ve been through, what more could Ian need? And that’s why he needs a proposal. He needs Ian to realize Mickey isn’t going anywhere and marriage is what will prove to Mickey that Ian isn’t either. 
But also, it was like 2 seconds, keep it in, you dicks. Moral of the story: stop cutting their shit.
We start off with Byron doing the bare minimum in his attempt to fix his bike. He’s literally just trying to unscrew stuff, he’s not doing anything lol and Mickey knows that and calls him out with some harsh truths - he’s never gonna fix the fucking thing. And side note - yes, it’s super cute that Mickey is such a good fake boyfriend and keeping Byron company but I think it’s really indicative of him not wanting to be alone. I think this whole stunt with Byron is multifaceted and not being alone is absolutely a factor - there’s less chance of letting the situation overwhelm him and breaking down if he’s around someone else. 
Ian hobbles onto the scene radiating pettiness straight away. He makes a comment about Byron’s little bike thingy and the “weird” in response to Byron saying it stopped working is hilarious. I love petty Ian. Mickey pops up, puts himself closer to Byron as part of his front, but isn’t it convenient that that puts him closer to Ian, too? Very. Mickey asks what Ian’s doing there and Ian uses the weakest excuse about bringing Mickey some shit he left at the house. Now, to me, it looks like it’s either a shirt with the sleeves cut off or the sleeves of a shirt that’s already been cut which is, again, hilarious - Ian’s bringing Mickey literal scraps just so he can talk to him. Our boy is so desperate lol. 
Ian wants to talk, of course he does, because he’s still not getting that Mickey is done with talking. Don’t worry though, he’ll get there. And he’s not giving up so Mickey continues his posturing about Byron being the love of his life, but as I said last week, he’s slipping. It’s been a few days of this charade and it’s clear his heart just isn’t in it anymore. He’s still got some residual anger but now he’s overwhelmingly sad. (Side note about timeline - I’m pretty sure the events from 10x8 to 10x10 span about a week. Not sure exactly how much time has passed since their talk outside the apartment, though. This could be the next day or it could be a day or so. Ian’s bullshit about finding another guy might mean it wasn’t the day before but if it was, that’s even more ridiculous and hilarious.)
Ian wants to talk in private but Mickey refuses. His pleading “Mickey” and Mickey’s forced nonchalance hurt me so. The next part reminded me of “There’s only so many times you can hear no” way back in season 3, since Mickey’s refusal to talk with him is obviously getting to Ian. He says it was a mistake to come and starts to walk away. I don’t think that would have been the last attempt though, not by a long shot. I think Ian still thinks Mickey just needs to cool down. He would have come back to try again. 
But Byron — the master manipulator — calls out to him and invites him to a show the next day. The best line I’ve heard from Mickey in a while is up next, “Jesus Christ, read the fuckin’ room, Byron.” (Also, pretty sure they need to cut back on Mickey’s use of “Jesus Christ” because he’s saying it all the time now. There are other ways for him to react, writers. Make an effort.) Byron acts like he doesn’t know why it’s a problem and continues telling Ian about the concert. Mickey’s face while Byron is talking about the band is hilarious - like the dude probably hasn’t shut up talking about them and Mickey’s had it lol. I imagine the past few days of them living together has been Mickey ranting about Ian and Byron raving about this band. Good times. 
When Ian cottons on about the band Byron’s talking about, it’s like he hit the jackpot. Ian’s such a little shit and knows exactly what’s going on - he responds to Byron but he’s looking right at Mickey. And Mickey fuckin’ knows that Ian knows and he hates it. Byron asks if Ian’ll need a plus one but Mickey jumps in and basically says Ian absolutely shouldn’t need a plus one because “he’s got a lot of personal work” to do before he even thinks about dating because if Ian’s not gonna be with Mickey, he can’t be with anyone. Mickey looks really upset at this point. So does Ian. I think this means Mickey’s been thinking about their conversation — I’m sure they both have, probably haven’t stopped thinking about it. Mickey still doesn’t get where Ian’s coming from because he believes he’s made it clear to Ian how and why he feels the way he does, but I think he’s conceding a little bit more that Ian genuinely feels that way but it’s all on Ian to deal with that. But Mickey’s already invalidated Ian’s fears about marriage and he’s dismissing them again just now so I’m sure that doesn’t feel great to Ian. 
But Ian doesn’t stay hurt for long. (3x3 parallel) He sees an opportunity and he jumps at it. Turnabout is fair play and he goes in for the kill. These boys know each other, okay? They know exactly what to do and say to get the reaction they want. So Ian says he followed Mickey’s lead and found someone new, too. Mickey immediately doesn’t like the sound of that, and I mean, rightly so. Ian shouldn’t be dating around (neither should Mickey) while he’s working on his issues, right? But also, I’m sure Mickey thinks that Ian would absolutely do something like that - go out and find someone else just because Mickey has which is why he looks so upset. 
And now Ian really starts to sell it. And honestly, Ian’s a whole lot better at pretending than Mickey is - Mickey was over the top, very obvious, and Ian’s more subtle with his approach. He says even though they barely know each other, it’s been a fairytale with this new guy and he’s moved on, too. How serendipitous. And that’s why Ian’s here, to tell him that and that things shouldn’t be awkward. I think Mickey easily believes that Ian didn’t come there to talk and get back together in that moment. Every time they cut back to Mickey he looks more distraught. His “congrats” would be a helluva lot more convincing if he didn’t look like he was so close to tears. Ian’s really driving home the fact that even though it happened so fast (not unlike how Mickey and Byron happened) “when you know, you know.” (10x9 parallel) And that’s really a kick in the crotch isn’t it? Mickey threw that line at him about falling for Byron and now Mickey has a taste of his own medicine and it’s not going down so well. Ian’s very pointed, “Right?” Is the nail in the coffin. Mickey looks absolutely devastated. And I cry a thousand tears.
Next up we see Ian taking a whole bunch of selfies because he needs a new profile pic for Grindr since he’s not getting any responses. (Now do I believe Ian’s never used a dating app before? Maybe. I can see the argument for it. I mean if he had, I’m sure he would have been on it as opposed to chasing after random firefighters in season 6. Or following the advice of his spurned ex and hitting up chub bars in season 8.) Liam, the wise young sage, tells him he’s going about it all wrong and needs to show a little skin to get responses. And I just need to say that Ian’s been pretty funny since he got out of prison. It definitely feels like he’s his old self again being all sarcastic and shit. I think the writers take it a little too far sometimes (like last week when he made that comment about sheet thread counts - boy, you’ve been around rich people before, you know this, stop it) but even just Mickey being in the same city as him again has brought him back to life. 
In an excellent parallel to 4x11, Liam asks why he’s doing that because isn’t he still in love with Mickey? This time though, Ian’s not afraid to tell the truth - yes he is. But then he runs down all the shit that’s happened this week - the “half-proposal thing”, Mickey “getting a new boyfriend thing”, and the “promise ring thing” and shit that’s a whole lot to deal with in one week, huh? And Ian says he’s desperate. He entered the game with Mickey bluffing about having a date and now he needs to back it up. He takes Liam’s advice and takes a pic with his shirt up which is, on the surface, funny. But because I’m very aware of Ian’s issues and how they manifest through his body, I didn’t really laugh. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s not meant to be deep, but that’s just me. I know the writers don’t really think about the way things come off when they’re going for a laugh, but that’s just my mind and I can’t help it lol.
To the surprise of no one, except Ian apparently, Liam’s advice worked. But as Ian suspected, all of the people responding just want a hookup. He sorts through those interested until he finds a “cute/normal” looking Cole. And that just makes me think Cole’s out here trying to catfish people if he’s using a pic that doesn’t match up to real life lol. Regardless, date secured.
Ian’s waiting at the Alibi for his date to arrive. Kev asks him what’s up because being in a bar during the day isn’t exactly normal behavior for Ian. And he’s drinking liquor when he usually only drinks beer so he’s definitely off, not like we didn’t already know. When Ian says he’s waiting for a date but it’s not Mickey because they broke up, Kev responds like he and Mickey didn’t have a tentative friendship when they were running the rub n tug together, but it’s Shameless and they’re not allowed to bring up the past so...whatever. When he says “Milkovich bullshit” I’m sure that gets the ball rolling in Ian’s head. What bullshit exactly has Ian had to deal with? Mickey’s constant love, support, and protection? That bullshit? Oh yeah, Ian’s wheels are turning now. 
Cole arrives on the scene and we have no choice but to stan. Loved him instantly. He gives zero fucks, probably loved the fact that all eyes were on him when he walked into the bar. The regular’s reactions to him were top notch and I love that Ian obviously was internally battling about speaking up. But he needs to bring a date to the show, he needs to play the game, so he makes himself known and Cole insists they get their pregame on. He seems like a good ass time and I for one would totally hang out with him.
Finalllllly, we get to see Mickey again. I wish there was another scene with him this week - I wish they’d show more of Mickey in general. He was barely in this episode and I missed him :( I shouldn’t have to miss Mickey when Noel is a series regular. We don’t need much to understand how Mickey is feeling - it’s written all over his face - but that doesn’t mean we should miss out on some more insight into his state of mind during all this. We’re left to assume everything about Mickey because Shameless won’t show us. We need both of their POV’s again because I don’t think the show has done a good job of that lately. Even what we got of Mickey on his own the last few weeks wasn’t really how Mickey felt, it couldn’t have been. He was way too callous and casual. It made it seem like the entire thing wasn’t affecting him which we know is bullshit. There’s no way he was walking around totally fine about the supposed dissolution of his relationship with Ian. No way. Show me Mickey, you mofos. 
Anyway, Mickey’s at the bar in the same general area as Byron but they’re both ignoring each other. Mickey looks bored and annoyed. Now, since we haven’t seen Mickey since the beginning of the episode (about a day and a half) we have to assume that the way we left Mickey - upset over Ian bringing another guy to the show - has only intensified the more he had time to think about it. What was his whole scheme about? Getting Ian back (in every way possible). But now Ian has someone else. Is it too late? Did Mickey oversell it? Was Mickey being too hard on him about his fears? I’m sure Mickey hasn’t thought of anything else. Obviously he wants Ian back so he’s probably been considering what Ian needs to do to show him he’s in this thing. What does he want Ian to do, really? Besides propose. Because if he proposes, that means Ian’s decided that Mickey means more to him than his fear of what marriage means for them. It means Mickey is more important than anything. And that’s what Mickey wants because Ian means more than anything to him. 
So, Mickey scans the bar and does a double take when he sees Ian walk in with Cole. And Mickey’s mood does a complete 180. You can see his face go on a journey here. It’s amazing. Thank god Noel doesn’t need dialogue to sell it because they gave him nothing to work with, but once again, his face acting knocks it out of the park. Right away, he knows exactly what Ian’s game is because there’s just no way this guy is Ian’s type. There’s no way. Mickey is smug AF and loving it. Pretty sure that’s when he decided that if Ian made another attempt to get back together with him that he’d accept. He was done with the farce. They were both being petty idiots and Mickey sees what Ian was doing so he really has no reason to be jealous. (Even though he still definitely is.)
And listen, I’m not saying Mickey should have been getting ready to forgive Ian, I’m just saying that’s what I think he was doing. Because Mickey always forgives Ian. And I think part of that is because he understands that Ian always has a reason for doing what he does and never intentionally sets out to hurt him. Contrary to some people’s beliefs, he’s not an irrational asshole. Like I said, he’s probably been thinking about what Ian said nonstop. Realizes that maybe just because he sees Ian a certain way, doesn’t mean that’s how Ian views himself. Because it’s been the other way around before. What did Ian see in him back when they first started up? They both have done some soul searching and yes, he was angry at first and started this whole game to try to hurt Ian and give him a wake up call but they both know they’re it for each other - they’re more important to each other than pride. And Mickey needs to decide when enough is enough. He needs to make the choice of calling it a day and taking Ian back or cutting Ian loose. I think we all know which way he’s gonna go.
So Ian walks in with Cole, pretends like he’s happy while Cole talks about credit card fraud and basic bitch Ugg boots and Mickey could not be having a better time watching this all go down. He’s not worried. 
Another excellent line from Cole, “Wanna see a show? Watch me walk away.” And that’s one I’m definitely gonna use in the future but for some reason Ian doesn’t seem to appreciate the brilliance of it lol. Mickey comes up and Ian’s not surprised - almost like he was aware of Mickey the second he walked in - and asks “What the fuck is that?” Ian informs Mickey that that is Cole and he’s his date. Mickey remains unbothered and asks what Cole is doing. Cut to Cole twerking at the bar like the star he is. Ian tells Mickey he’s getting their drinks and the looks they give each other after that are gold. If you don’t believe they’re totally going home together after that exchange, I don’t know what to tell you. They both realized how stupid they were being and now Ian just needs to step up. Let’s go!
Now, while I think it’s believable we didn’t get Ian talking through his feelings about not being worthy of love with anyone this episode, I was hoping for some kind of obvious epiphany from Ian. I’m not sure exactly how they could have made it more obvious, and yes it’s good to trust your audience to make certain connections based on the evidence you present on screen, but I think they needed to present a little more for us to work with. At least for the locals (and those who don’t like Ian) who won’t sit there and try to puzzle out how Ian got from point A to B. They didn’t blatantly make it make sense so we have to. They presented us with an issue last episode and they didn’t deliver a resolution - or they did but we missed out on how Ian got there if you choose not to look for and pick up clues. They could still fix this within the last two episodes, though, so I’m hopeful they revisit this before the wedding.
BUT I will say that I think Ian’s aha! moment happens at the concert - the lyrics in the song in the background are “all the good things about you” - so pretty sure he’s thinking about Mickey and... all the good things about him lol. Ian doesn’t have any lines here either but I think it’s clear what’s on his mind. He looks over to the bar where Mickey is and then a few seconds later Mickey turns around to look in Ian’s direction. 
Ian’s in his head a lot so I think it makes sense he comes to this conclusion on his own. I totally agree it would have been good for people to see but... it’s really not Ian. Even when he does talk with someone or seek advice, it’s never really for advice, it’s for validation. And really what is Ian trying to confirm? That he loves Mickey? That he’s still scared of what their future could look like? That that fear probably won’t ever go away? No one can tell him what that will happen. I mean, who can he talk to about that? That’s all on him. Ian’s probably weighing the fear of uncertainty against what he knows without a doubt - that he loves Mickey and wants to be with him forever. 
So Ian goes towards the bar, possibly toward Mickey, but sees Cole and turns in the other direction to avoid him lol. Then he hears Byron shit talking Mickey and generally being a dick and he won’t stand for it. All that shit Byron is saying - that’s not the Mickey he knows. He knows the real Mickey and someone like Byron definitely doesn’t deserve the real Mickey. (I’ve been saying that these two can really only be themselves when they’re together, they constantly put up fronts when they’re with other people, so it’s not just Ian that feels at home with Mickey, Mickey’s home is Ian, too.) But Ian wants to be deserving of Mickey so he steps up and fights for Mickey again. He hasn’t fought for Mickey in years, but he’s finally putting on his big boy pants. I love Ian’s faces he pulls as he’s listening to Byron and how you can tell he’s getting increasingly annoyed and once again when the topic turns to sex, he snaps. Possessive much, Ian?
Part of me actually thinks what Ian says next is the writers being meta “Is this what you do when you don’t like somebody? You bash ‘me behind their backs?” Because that shit is oddly familiar… 
Anywhoo, even though Ian’s in crutches, he’s pretty intimidating to this little dude. He says he’s not the kind of guy that lets people talk shit about the man he loves. (3x11 parallel) How does Byron not see where this is going? You just said his ex was violent, what do you think is going to happen? Ian asking him to hold his crutches and then proceeding to smile and wail on him was pretty funny. I know we really shouldn’t be laughing about this defenseless little dude getting a beat down but talk shit, get hit and all that. Plus, I’m really not surprised Ian went straight to fighting. It’s part of both Ian and Mickey’s life, but while I think Mickey looks at it as a necessary evil - just something he has to do sometimes - Ian actually enjoys fighting. (See 4x11) as just one piece of evidence.) You really can’t tell me otherwise. Then Byron’s friends try to intervene and Ian pulls some crazy fighting moves to take everyone down. Cut to me totally not thinking that whole thing was hot...nope, not me.
Mickey and Cole get to interact a little over at the bar. Cole and I are kindred spirits because he, too, is enjoying the display but Mickey’s patience is wearing thin. After the bare minimum of talk about Cole doing gymnastics on Ian’s dick, Mickey knocks him out. He looks down and nods a couple times like “yep, happy with that decision” before he calls out to Ian and makes his way over to the fight. 
Just as an aside, it’s very obvious this scene was cut and I think it’s very annoying there’s an alternate take with Cole taunting Mickey specifically knowing Ian’s his ex and throwing the first punch. Because the part that was left in the episode paints Mickey as a jealous hypocrite (although he is either way lol) but also as the aggressor. A one off incident I’d happily hand wave away but this is not new. Again this might just me being sensitive to the way the writers treat Mickey but I don’t think so. They either want to portray Mickey a certain way - a dumb, violent thug that always resorts to violence or they just think it’s funny when people get punched because you know they thought Mickey punching Ian and having him break his leg as a result was hilarious. Maybe it’s both, but yeah I wish they’d kept that conversation in. I bet it was funny.
Mickey calmly weaves through the crowd to Ian and when Ian looks up at him, it’s on. I think it hits Ian then what he wants to do and he has to get it out now. And Mickey gets this look, which I find so hard to describe but it’s like he’s kinda hoping this is it, this is when Ian’s gonna propose, but he doesn’t want to let himself think that. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up yet again. But then when Ian starts, “I love you, Mickey Milkovich…” and Mickey looks back to Ian, it hits him what Ian’s about to do. So Ian starts a little speech but Mickey cuts him off. He’s looking around at everyone else when he says, “Jesus Christ, save the fucking speech, you pussy.” And that’s an act, that’s not how he would have reacted if they were alone, but they’re in a room full of people and what else is he gonna do? And Ian looks worried, like Mickey’s going to reject him but then Mickey’s looking back at him now and tells Ian he’ll marry him with a pleased little smile on his face. And Ian looks so fucking relieved and happy. And the unexpected parallel “Of course I’ll fucking marry you” sends me into another plane of existence.
It was now or never, according to Mickey. So it had to happen tonight. Ian had to get Mickey back - he already wanted Mickey back, but he wanted him back that night. And I think Mickey was done playing games too. He wanted Ian to get why he felt the way he felt and Ian finally did. He needed Ian to do something and he did. And that’s why it all ends the way it does. When Ian proposed, there really wasn’t any other answer. I think it was more of a relief. Like, fucking finally. Of course. Of course I’ll marry you. 
Then Ian surges up, grabs Mickey with both hands, and the look on his face is determination, hunger, and desperation all rolled into one, because it’s been days since he’s kissed Mickey and he needs him now. Mickey slowly brings his hand up to the back of Ian’s neck and the camera starts to spin and then before we even get back around to Ian’s face, we’re moving on. It was a great start to a club kiss parallel. We almost had greatness. We know it was shot. We know what they were going for but...it didn’t happen. 
I’ve made my opinion about the kisses this season known and while I realize one or two are down to writers not explicitly writing a more intense kiss, like with the mutual ILY kiss or the courthouse kiss (which was perfect, I’m so in love with that kiss), the reunion kiss and this one for sure were meant to go on. They’re being cut, just like everything else to do with Ian and Mickey. Save for the courthouse kiss, which was followed by tragedy, we haven’t seen the end of any kiss. I’m not saying they’re not allowed to cut away from kisses, but give us more than 2 seconds. Give us an unobstructed view of the kiss that is the culmination of a 10 year love affair. THEY JUST GOT ENGAGED. That shit should have skyrocketed to the top of everyone’s favorite kiss list. It was written. It was shot. But then it was cut. So, fuck all involved with that decision. 
Finally, we close out the episode with Ian and Mickey returning home in an imperfect parallel to 5x10. They look so happy. We can definitely headcanon that they celebrated properly afterwards, I know I do. They sit down for the family meeting like nothing’s happened at all with Ian and Mickey that week, which you can either be annoyed about because the Gallaghers aren’t acting like it’s a big deal that Mickey’s back (which I mean, no one reacted when he showed up out of the blue from jail so what do you expect?) or you can think they think it’s obvious Ian and Mickey were gonna work out their issues and him slotting back into the family was the only outcome they expected. The latter is nicer, so let’s go with that. Lip tells them he’s moving away. Ian’s about to lose his brother and he doesn’t really know what to do with that, but Mickey looks over to Ian, knowing Ian’s going to be upset. There’s a bit of a damper on their happiness, and they didn’t get to announce their engagement, but hey, this is Shameless, did we really expect anything more?
Looking ahead
Ah, groomzilla Mickey. I’ve got a complicated opinion about this whole thing. It’s not necessarily that Mickey is reacting the way he is - it’s more to do with how the writers treat Mickey. I mean, I’ve said this a lot, but I don’t like how they treat him. I can totally understand and meta why Mickey reacts that way and I’m glad we get a reason for his behavior but I think the writers think it’s funny to emasculate and demonize him and that’s what doesn’t sit well with me about it. Mickey is the butt of jokes all the time and I know the writers just think Mickey melting down is funny. And Noel’s great - if you forget about Mickey’s history and the fact that he’s this uptight for a reason, it totally is funny. And those chairs are beautiful, so Mickey’s got good taste, but still. I totally get that this could have been inside him all along, and it probably was - Mickey loved a good gossip rag back in the Kash & Grab days, and I absolutely believe he’d want control over this wedding because it actually matters to him, but I’m just not sure it would manifest like that. But it does, so I’m assigning my headcanons even if we don’t get an explanation.
I truly hope this is a Mickey heavy episode (🤡). I think episode 6 was meant to feature him more with the cartel stuff and all that, and honestly, he’s way overdue. He’s a series regular and we don’t even wanna get into the screen time issue, but he was barely in the episode where he and Ian get engaged. He should be prominent in more episodes and not just the one where they get married. I think it could happen - with all the Terry stuff and the planning - it could happen. Guess we’ll see shortly!
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Survey #271
“some of those who work forces are the same that burn crosses.”
Do you cook on the stove at all, or just microwave? I just use the microwave. I'm scared of the stove lmao. Do you ever debate religion with your friends? Bruuuh no. I am so disinterested in debating about something that to me ultimately doesn't matter yet humanity has made so serious. Whatever happens after we die, happens, there's that. Just be a decent human being and go out knowing you did your best to make the world better than when you entered it. Do you keep your shampoo in the shower or someplace else? In the shower. Something your mother said or did that shocked you: Like... recently? Or in my entire life? I dunno about recently, but I guess the most shocking to me was when she vehemently called my sister something I won't repeat. Did your mom go to college? She was before the cancer. Ready to graduate, too, but that didn't go as planned thanks to, y'know, cancer. Which food do you think you have the most cans of in your cupboard? Good question, no clue. I don't really pay attention to the canned foods. Maybe fruits? Do you save fortunes from fortune cookies? No. Are you offended when Christmas is spelled Xmas? Nah. Where do you put your keys when you come home? In my purse. Describe your favorite mug or glass to drink from? I don't have one. That I use, anyway. Sara gave me a Markiplier quote one that's a Holy Item on my shelf and instead of holding a beverage holds All My Love. Your bad habit that you love the most: UGH I hate how much I love soda. Invent a pop tart flavor: STORY TIME!!!! As a kid, there was this contest to design a type and you won like... a fucking huge supply of the newest flavor, which was at the time that wild berry whatever thing. My sister and I made one that I think I recall being pink with heart sprinkles and strawberry flavored, and we won. Guess who fucking hates the wild berry flavor now lmao. Okay but anyway if I was to invent one now... is there a BLUE raspberry flavor? Cuz a bitch loves blue raspberry flavored everything. Do you name your pets after tv/movie/book characters: Sometimes. I don't currently have a pet that is, though. Are you proud of yourself for what you've accomplished? The few things I actually have, sure? I'm more ashamed of what I haven't. Do you own any sexy lingerie? Nooooo no one would want to see me in that, least of all myself lmao. Have you ever caught a bouquet of flowers at a wedding before? No. Has a horse ever neighed at you before? Uhhh I don't think so? Do you prefer ice cream or sorbet? Ice cream. Have you gotten your pets spayed? My cat is. That's like... the only pet we ever have fixed, sadly. My parents/Mom (depending on time period) could just never afford it. The only real reason we managed to get Roman neutered was because our sister directed us to a cheap on-the-go business where it was like... only $45, and Roman was marking the house badly so it was pretty urgent. Would you ever take in a stray animal? HA, that is the STORY of my family with cats. At this current time, most likely not. We don't need another pet right now, nevermind one of a mysterious background with my mom being sick. When is payday? N/A Have you ever walked on a runway before? No. How long is your workday? N/A Is there a walkway or a pathway to your front door? No. What is your favorite color? What is your least favorite color? Pink is superior to all colors. I'm really not a puke-green fan, but I mean... is anyone? What color dominates your wardrobe? Everything is B L A C K. What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. Are you colorblind, or do you know anyone who is? I'm not, but Jason's brother is colorblind to I think red and blue? Do you prefer color photos or black-and white? It greatly depends on the composition and subject matter of the photograph. I find great beauty in both. If I had to pick though, color usually appeals to me more. Are you one of those people who can taste, feel, or smell colors? No. Have you ever seen a double rainbow before? Yes. Do you enjoy coloring? It tends to be my least-favorite part of the art process because that's where I always fuck shit up. Do you know anyone who is racist? Oh my, PLENTY. Welcome to the South. Are your nails painted any color(s) right now? They never are. Can you lift more than 100lbs? I probably CAN, but it would be very hard. What's your opinion on incest? It's fucking repulsive. Morally and negative from a scientific standpoint, anyway. Do you have a favorite color for cats? Orange. What video games did you play when you were younger? I was a massive gamer as a kid, teenager too, so I could put a hell of a lot here. But, I'll just imagine you're referring to when I was quite young. The Spyro games (save for Skylanders) were my LIFE, I loved Nintendogs, the Crash Bandicoot trilogy, lots of games that were based on movies (like Madagascar and Finding Nemo are two I really enjoyed), uhhh... OH! And absolutely weird, but I loved hunting games. Like, I had a whooole lot, despite hating real life hunting even as a child. I think it was because I got to see wild animals, plus it could be calming to wander and scary, too, when things like wolves found you. Oh, and then there were fishing games, too. LOOK I just love(d) games. Would you ever get a tramp stamp? I hate that nickname. Having a tattoo literally anywhere does not equate you to a stereotype. Yes, because I want to be heavily tattooed anyway. Did you cry when Michael Jackson died? No. Not that I didn't care at all, I just wasn't a giant fan. What's the ugliest species of animal? Lmao how mean. The blobfish immediately comes to mind, though. Looks like a ball of mucus shaped into an old man's face. Are you embarrassed about any songs on your iPod? I used to be, now it's just like whatever. I like what I like. What do you use to listen to music on the computer? YouTube. Do people know a lot about you? Places on the Internet sure do lmao. I try to be much more private now online to a degree, depending on where. Irl, no. I'm too easily embarrassed/afraid of being judged for what makes me, me. Who was the last person you slept beside? Sara. Do you like Metallica? They're one of my all-time favorites and I trust NOBODY who claims to hate them. What's your favorite kind of soup? I'm not a fan of soup. What’s your best friend's favorite band? Her all-time favorite is Pink Floyd. Who was the last person you took a picture with? Ummm idr. Do you play Guitar Hero? Not really anymore, but I fuckin slayed that shit back in the day. Whose house did you last visit? My older sister's. Who was the last person to come to your house? My younger sister. What time do you usually eat dinner? Anywhere between 5:30 to like... 7:00 or so. Have you ever searched your own house on Google Earth? Not this current one, no. Does it bother you when people have a loose grip on hugs? No? Some people don't like hugs. Are you looking forward to next year? I don't know. Is covid gonna be history by then? It depends on a lot of things. What have you done so far this summer? *blink blink blink* What's your favorite punk band? Honestly, I don't even really separate bands by genres now because I don't know. There's so so many, plenty overlap, etc. etc, and people - especially those who enjoy rock/metal stuff, I've found - get all snobbish and "WELL ACTUALLY" when you "misgenre" or whatever. Which is better: cold or hot weather? COLD. FUCK hot weather. Anything above ~75*F is disgusting. Is photography something you enjoy? I'm an aspiring photographer so like- What’s the best flavor snow cone? I haven't had a legit snow cone in years... but we have a place called Pelican's Snowballs, which is really just like... snow cones in a cup? They are A M A Z I N G and strawberry is to die for. When driving, are you a speed demon or do you drive like your grandmother? I don't drive because I'm terrified to. Have you ever met someone who just had you at hello? No. Bet you were expecting "Jason," but no, I was weirded out that a stranger just comes up to me in the hall on the way to class and starts talking to me. Have you ever written poetry? Yeah. Do you have any addictions? Technology, ugh. And soda, rip. When was the last time you just laid and looked at the stars? Laid, many years ago one summer when Jason and I were just lying on the trampoline while my dad was grilling. What song reminds you of an ex? A lot. What color eyeliner do you prefer? Black. What was the last thing that you made with your own two hands? Like, made from scratch? Hell if I know. What’s the deepest water you will wade into? Like, shoulder-deep in the ocean. How many blades does your razor have? Three, I think? Highest grade of education you’ve completed? Just one semester of college. Lowest grade you’ve received on a test? Yikes, Fs in college math. He taught in such an abstract way that I failed like... every test, or nearly did. I was too afraid to ask questions continuously. Do you enjoy sitting in the sun or the shade more? There is NO situation where I would rather be in the sun. Do you enjoy going to arcades? Hell yeah. What parades do you like to go to? None. When’s the last time you went on a tirade? I ranted to Mom about the fucking ridiculous anti-maskers that are a big reason this motherfucking pandemic is worsening in America. With my mom being immunocompromised, it is something I take VERY goddamn seriously. It's not a difference in opinion - it's a difference in morality. Do you like to play charades? I loved to as a kid. Now it'd feel weird. Would you ever lead a crusade? I wouldn't want to lead anything. Have your parents ever forbade you from doing something? Aha, so as a kid, I had a game demo disc that showed the preview to Parasite Eve, and my sisters and I would secretly watch it despite it scaring us to where Mom did forbid us to click on it. And all these years later, I've played it and love it... ha ha. Otherwise, my parents have always been pretty open to letting us do stuff, save for things the usual parent doesn't like, like swearing. When’s the last time someone said something degrading to you? A few days back when I got into an argument on Facebook about some asshole teasing their newly-hatched cobra to where it kept striking at the tongs, hood flared and all. Apparently I had no idea what I was talking about, pointing out the snake was clearly stressed out. What’s the last homemade dish you’ve made? I legit haven't cooked a thing since Sara was here and I made her eggs for breakfast. Which was like, a year ago. Do you like lemonade? What flavor(s)? Broooo YES. Pink lemonade is better, but I enjoy just the classic kind, too. Has anyone ever serenaded you before? Fuck this question. Would you like to visit the Everglades? Lemme see them motherfuckin GATORS. Have you ever attended a masquerade ball before? No. Would be dope, though. Have you lost anyone to AIDS? No, thank god. Have you ever been paid for sex? Hell no. Have you ever had a maid in your home before? HUNNY we are too poor for that shit. Do you know how to do different types of braids in hair? No. When’s the last time you wore a Band-aid? Where and why? I have no clue. When was the last time you were afraid? Of what? A family friend was over here a couple days ago and she had this weirdest muscle cramp in her leg that brought her to the floor gasping for like over a minute. I was super scared, and Mom was too, as we had no idea what to do. I almost had to call 911. Crazy woman hasn't gone to the doctor about it, to my knowledge. Would you ever consider growing your hair out to your waist, or longer? NOOOO NO NO. I am probably having short hair for the rest of my life. Is there anywhere in your house that you're scared to be alone in? No. What is your favorite shoe brand? I don't have one. What weird things did you do as a small child? I was just a weird kid in general. I did a lotta stuff that would make people raise a brow. Who puts the most pressure on you in your life? My goddamn self. Do you laugh off embarrassing moments? Hell no, I turn red as a cherry and probably cry once I'm in private. Do you have a favourite actor/actress? If so, who? No. Do you like little kids, or do they annoy you? I feel uncomfortable around them. They're too brutally honest, I feel like every move I make is wrong, and I just generally feel incapable of handling them properly. Do you want a small or a large family when you get older? Well, I don't want any kids, so... Are you a good dancer? If not, do you enjoy dancing anyways? No and no. I'd be embarrassed. Have you ever lied to avoid getting into trouble? Yeah. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital for a long period of time? I'd say two weeks is pretty long, and I was supposed to stay an entire month. I only got out of that by going to court. Do you take a lot of pictures of yourself, or are you camera shy? I HATE being in front of the camera. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling? I just like ketchup, mustard, and pickles, really. A bit of diced onion is fine, too. I prefer gas; I hate the charcoal-y taste. You are chosen to have lunch with the president. the condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask? Fuck that, I'd decline going to begin with. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies? Popcorn, of course. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email? Pop-up ads. How long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding? N/A What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other? Probably like, wrestling. Golf. Sports in general. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test? I haven't tried it yet. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose? I always just use chocolate syrup. Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic? CHRIST, TRAFFIC. Elevators kinda scare me and I'm very scared of being stuck in one. What are you sitting on right now? My bed. Are you listening to anything? Halocene's cover of "Killing In The Name." Have you parents ever hated one of your boyfriends/girlfriends? No. Who was the last person to give you money? I have no idea. Have you ever dreamed of someone you barely know? Actually yeah. Weird as hell. When was the most recent time, if ever, that you felt “impostor syndrome,” or that you felt unqualified to be somewhere? Hm. I suppose when I went to the doctor by myself for my foot. I'd never done an appointment without Mom at all, and I was veeery clueless to a lot of steps, questions, etc. What are some ways that pop culture has helped you learn historic or scientific facts? Some TV shows, I guess. Or games, even. Have you ever had a job in which you felt that you had nothing to do? What was the protocol in that situation (e.g., surfing the web, taking on the job of co-workers, or pretending to work)? If you have not, do you think it would be lucky or unlucky to have such a job? No. I was expected to always be doing something. I'd consider that to be pretty unlucky, as it sounds boring and pointless. Have you ever intimidated or made another person feel legitimately threatened? If not, do you think that you could ever be seen as scary? I don't know. Mom has admitted me yelling has scared her before, though. I can yell pretty fucking loudly. But she herself never felt threatened. And do I think I could be seen as scary? Yes. Especially given my chronic fucking nightmares that almost always involve confrontation. In what ways do you or would you need to be validated by a partner? (For example, liking your posts/talking about you on social media, or perhaps by doting on you with gifts.) I am VERY much a "words of affirmation" person. I NEED reassurance that I'm adequate and sincerely loved. When you are having a hard time emotionally, what are some of the telltale ways that you act out or that your personality reflects your struggles? I become very snappy and more reclusive than usual. I cry really easily. Do you tend to succeed by weaning yourself off of something or by quitting cold turkey? It depends on what it is, but I've generally needed to wean myself off of things when necessary. Is there a specific type of pet breed/size/etc. that you don’t want? Why not? I am very turned off by animal breeds/types that are subject to serious health issues, such as pugs, dachsunds, Persians, spider ball pythons... Just don't fucking breed them. Ironically, some of these are the cutest, but I care far more about the health of the animal. Have you ever lived in a notoriously dangerous area? If not, would it bother you to do so? Yes and yes. Has a friend’s significant other ever interfered with or damaged your friendship? What about a significant other of yours damaging a friendship? I don't believe so, no. What, if anything, is something that you put pressure on yourself about? What do you imagine would happen if you did not live up to this expectation? Getting a job, for Heaven's sake, and actually managing to keep it. I've proven inept in this area so far, so, I've already failed that. :^) If you have been in a serious relationship, have you and your partner ever discussed lifetime plans that clashed? Did you reconcile them or did you break up? If you have not been in a relationship, what are some issues that would be deal-breakers? Jason and I kinda casually talked about kids early in our relationship, at which time I didn't see myself wanting them at all and he did at some point. It didn't really bother either of us, though; it was something we'd figure out if we actually got anywhere. Then he became the only person I could ever imagine myself having kids with. Life's funny.
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