#and what I thought would happen did. I’m in the worst relapse of my life because of them.

[xzhdjsj]

Tangled in Love

Andrew x Reader

Okay before you continue this, I wanted to let you know this fic mentions description of hair texture. The reader has wavy/curly hair! Additionally, this fic is a rewrite of part 6 of Andrew’s story.

+a lil rant before the actual fic (you can skip the first part but please read the second)

I wasn't going to post this because it's a self-indulgent piece but hey I’m sure someone out there will enjoy it too. I've struggled with my hair for quite a while. It was one of my biggest insecurities, and I never knew how to take care of it. For the majority of my life, I've treated my hair as though it was straight, using straight hair products and styles, because that's what I wanted my hair to be. I hated the 'frizz' which in actuality was just me damaging my curl pattern😭 Thankfully, even though I couldn't see it, the people around me did and helped me manage and properly care for my hair. These days, I embrace my curls, and I love them more than anything! If I'm not rocking my curly hair I feel incomplete, it's become a huge part of me! I still have a long way to go, but I'm beyond happy I was able to finally recognise how beautiful my hair is.

That being said, I want to remind all of you that YOU ARE PERFECT! I know we doubt and pick at ourselves from time to time, but it's important to remember THOSE DOUBTS DON'T DEFINE US! Every imperfection and flaw is what makes you perfectly, uniquely and most of all beautifully YOU. Please remember to be kind to yourself and never ever stop loving yourself ❤️

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

It's been months since Andrew ended things with me. At first, I prided myself in being mature and acted like the entire thing never even happened. I stopped sitting where his eyes can easily find me, I never take similar routes as he would and avoided his office at all cost. It was easy to find a temporary tutor to help with my assessments, that way I didn't even need to attend his tutorials. 

The less contact with him the better. This little routine was good and dandy, getting me by as I immersed myself completely in y work. If I distracted my mind, I wouldn't need to think of Andrew, right? Wrong.

So fucking wrong.

Every other thought, he was on my mind. I wondered how he'd answer questions on my exam preps, and his opinion on every sentence I wrote. I thought of him so much, it was sickening and before I knew it I was tired and relapsing.

I gave university my all until I couldn't anymore. I was heartbroken and ignoring my feelings only made them worst. They burdened my mind, and I spent nights upon nights crying my eyes swollen into my pillows. I knew I had to accept it somehow but the ghosts of him haunts me, even in my dreams.

Last night’s dream was an especially painful one. I vividly remember the look on his face and the way my heart shattered into a million pieces as he drove away that day. What a shit start to my day!

I rolled out of bed, heading straight for the bathroom where I splashed my face with cold water and looked into the mirror. What a mess, my hair was messy and unkept and not in and attractive, quirky way, more closely resembling a bird’s nest. I wonder if Andrew could ever love me even when I look like this.

I sigh, rubbing my temples and trying not to cry again. Maybe a nice long shower would help, so I did just that. I stayed under the running water for more than an hour, then detangled my hair before stepping out. It did help, at the very least I felt clean and refreshed.

Today was going to be more or less going to be simple, there was a single task posted on Moodle and that’s all I needed to get done.

I settled into a comfy set of clothes and started drying my hair, only to be interrupted by a knock on my door. Who could that be? I threw the towel over a chair and opened the door, and my eyes are met with the last person I wanted to see.

“Hi, I’m here to speak to you” His mouth is agape and he looks a bit shocked.

Speak to me? Here to speak to me? My mind roared. Absolutely not. I was about to slam the door in his face, but he steps forward.

“Only as a professor!” He clarifies. “May I please come in?”

“Fine, but make it quick.” I demanded.

He sighs, “Thank you.”

He steps inside and I lock the door behind him. A waft of his scent hitting my nose, God how I missed that.

“I've emailed you several times about booking a tutorial, whether that be online or in person, and I haven't heard anything back. Me being here is a last resort. It's part of my job to make my students are well, and that if they're struggling, I can point them in the right direction.” He paused, finally taking his eyes off me to look around. “You have a nice place. It's what I imagined it would look like.”

“That’s not why you’re here And- Mr. Marston.”

“Yes, strictly business it is then, though, I don't want to treat it as such.” His eyes are on me again, but I refuse to give him the same attention choosing to fidget with my fingers instead. “I'll try and keep things brief for the both of us. You've been attending as usual, on top of your work as usual and nothing on the surface warrants concern, but because this is around the time where I need to be updated on essay plans and what you intend to do, us talking to one another is inevitable and for your records, and my peace of mind, we must.”

“It’s going good.” I replied, monotoned.

“It’s going good? Is that’s all I get?” He pushes.

“It’s an update, is it not?”

“It's a different response. In the past when we had our tutorials, that went on for at least an hour, you were so passionate about your subject, you made your own reading list and clearly planned out your arguments. You talked me through every point and asked for my opinion just to be sure you couldn't look at it from any other angle because you were adamant about not just getting it right but understanding different perspectives. Tutorials are only supposed to last around half an hour. Why do you think I always put you in the last slot? The look you have when you lose yourself to your ideas, when your eyes spark with this clarity I never want to stop you mid-thought or let that light disappear.” He rants and I wish he’d stop describing me that way.

“First and foremost, I am your professor. I’m here to nurture your curiosity and always have you searching for answers so when you don't show up to your tutorials I get concerned.”

“But I attend classes and all my work is completed. Is that not enough?”

“Your work is fine but that's not the problem I-” He paused and sighs for the hundredth time, “I want to ask how you are.”

“Now you’re interested in that?”

“I never had the chance to and even if I did try to talk to you would you have answered?”

Well shit, he’s got me there. I stay quiet and stare at my feet.

“You've been avoiding me for over a month now and I completely understand why. It's enough that you're still going to classes and doing your work, and I can't imagine what you must be feeling having to be taught by me even now. For the pain I still give you, I am sorry. For the pain I gave you that day, I am sorry.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. “Is that why you’re here? To say sorry?”

“I didn't come here under the pretense of apologizing but… it's something I’ve been meaning to do for a while now. The rumours have died down but that doesn't change the thoughts people still have. It's not something that we should live with, but we must.” He regains his composure quickly, shifting the conversation back to university. “Anyway, care to tell me anything else about your essay? Any avenues you're thinking of exploring? Any reading material that's caught your eye?”

“What about you? Howe you Andrew?” I finally find his face with my eyes.

“I thought you wanted to keep this strictly business.” He uses my words against me. “Don't worry about me. I want you to focus on your studies.”

He smiles and it makes my heart skip a beat.

“Have you… Have you seen the petition?”

“Yes, I’ve seen it. I considered resigning and letting them win.” My eyes widen at his confession.

“Rumours can get out of hand quickly. Heh, never in my life did I think I’d be called such names. Now people think I let students get close to me to get good grades, no matter the gender. I’m a danger to all apparently.”

He sounds tired too, that’s one thing I can sympathise with him.

“The dean’s comment eased some of the backlash, but this is a burden I’ll most likely carry for the rest of my career.” He continued.

I stay quiet, unsure how to respond to him. I supposed we’ve both been hurting in our own ways.

“Can I be frank with you?” He catches my attention again and I look up from my thoughts. “I don’t regret any of it. It was one of the most honest decisions I’ve ever made. My only regret is not protecting you when it mattered and- and I’ll never be able to undo that.”

Fuck he always makes things so difficult for me.

“When I saw that video, and those comments I panicked. The first thing that came to my mind was how you’d feel reading them and how you’d continue knowing people thought of you that way. I know how that feels, something similar happened to me years ago. It hurts being ostracised and judged on lies and when you wade in that water you still have to hold your head up high, so you don’t drown. But thinking back I was irrational. I let my own fears get the better of me and made a decision that was not only mine to make. I… I should have spoken to you before driving you away. I’m not asking for your forgiveness or pity. I just need to let you know this.”

“So what now?”

“That’s a good question, I would say we continue as we are now, I only have your best interests at heart and that should be more important to me than my feelings for you.”

“You… you still have feelings for me?”

“Of course, I do! You think they just stopped? I tried burying them, stifling them, but every time you walked into my lectures it was impossible not to remember all the things we experience together.”

“Andrew look at me.” I shake my head. “I look awful, I’m a mess.”

“I disagree. You’re still as beautiful as the day I left you. If not, even more. Your hair, I- I’ve never seen it like that. It might just be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

My hair? I haven’t even straightened it like I always do. How could he find this beautiful?

“Still, you said it yourself, this could never work. Why would you-“ “I’m saying my heart wants to follow you again. Despite it all, I still want you.” He sounds so desperate, and I can feel my heart in my throat. “But this isn’t about what I want. It’s up to you. I you want nothing to do with me outside of university, so be it. If you want to give this a chance, a real chance, I’m fine with that too.”

“Andrew I-“ “You don’t need to give me an answer now, or at all actually. Just… do what you feel most comfortable with.”

That day I had a lot more to think of as I stood in front of my mirror once again. My hair was still unstraightened and a thought crossed my mind. I remember Andrew’s words before he left.

“I know I said it before, but your hair really does beautiful. I can’t quite get over it. It suits you.”

Maybe if I was going to give this another shot, it was time to start afresh. No more secrecy and sneaking around. I stare at my hair in the mirror. Maybe it did suit me and it wouldn’t hurt to try something new, would it?

-

Months later I feel so much better, the air is clearer, the sun is shining and I’m finally ready to talk to Andrew again.

I sat the window of the café I asked to meet at, looking over at the door each time the bell chimed. This time I was right, it was him. He spots me quickly and walks over.

“Hi, I know I’m a little early. May I sit?”

“Of course, please do” I urge him.

“I see you changed your hair. It looks really good.”

I run my fingers across the soft curls on my shoulder.

“Less of a change more of an embrace I’d say. I thought it was about time I stopped straightening it and wear my natural hair.”

“Not that you were any less beautiful before, but I find it harder to keep my eyes off you now.”

I smile. My cheeks are probably flushed, I can feel them all warm like the fuzzy feeling in my stomach.

“You know it’s very similar to my decision.” I tell him. “It’s another thing I want to embrace and flaunt to the world.”

“And I'll accept it no matter what it might be. So, what's your decision?”

My ass is off the chair in an instant, and I lean over the table to pull his face to mine. I missed kissing him, I missed kissing him so damn much.

#sorry for ze long rant #i just wanted to let you whos reading this know that I love you! #every part of you! #zsakuva #sakuverse #asmr #andrew #andrew marston #hair is looking gorjus but my pockets hurt from buying hair products😭

[bluesadansey]

Since you bought it up, what are your top 5 most delusional moments for Billy on the show?

prefacing this with a disclaimer that there are so many so I think I can be forgiven if some slip my mind but off the top of my head it’s 

the hallway confrontation scene in the finale where Camila confronts him about seeing the forehead touch with Daisy in the kitchen, and he gives her the “it’s an act, it’s what people want to see.” line. When they are not talking about any onstage antics just about a scene where he and Daisy were alone in a room what people Billy? The audience inside your head that you rehearse pr statements like this one for? Then the “do you love her” where he can’t deny it and looks truly and utterly shattered by his own physical inability to lie now when he has convinced himself he most needs to, compared with the last 9 episodes where he lied through his teeth successfully about every aspect of his life. And he convinces himself that the right thing to do is just to not tell the truth to either girl in this scene (can’t tell Camila he doesn’t love Daisy so he says nothing until she leaves, and then telling Daisy that “She thinks I’m in love with you.” “And what did you say?” “That nothing happened and nothing ever will” 💀💀💀) 

the kiss in episode 6 then lying to himself that he only did it so Daisy would sing More Fun To Miss correctly and then lying to Daisy to say the same thing, it’s not gaslighting if your also gaslighting yourself! According to him 💀+ him bringing Camila and Julia to the shoot to make a point but then having the audacity to be genuinely concerned and ask if Daisy’s okay like truly that little moment of sincere care makes the rest of his behavior Worse 

end of episode 9 when he admits to Daisy he wants to be with her but then reiterates he will never leave Camila because she’s his wife and asks her to be his emotional and artistic platonic mistress for life and tries to seal the deal with a forehead touch and some arm caressing, and what’s crazy is I genuinely think this is the most sincere and truthful he ever is with her you see on his face how much he means the first part and how much it kills him to say the latter part but as much as he loves her and wants to be with her he will not put her above his absolutely depraved moral code for himself, like he would die for her absolutely (end of ep8 even had him face his worst fears holding her after she ODEd) but he will not prioritize her his self delusions that he’s a “good person” in his own meaning of the word (which basically means not his dad) and in doing so it hurting all three of them far more, and being a worse person. Insane 

the Chicago concert placement is hard because the facts of it could merit no.1 or at least a much higher placement, but I want to take into account he wasn’t sober for his behavior onstage and he was for the other things on this list so I think grading on a scale makes sense here. Nevertheless even before that it’s objectively insane that he would ask Camila to come to the concert so he can fix things with her because even if it was a normal concert it’s not like the behavior she would be witness to would be behavior that confirms to her that he and Daisy have a relationship of two people who are solely platonic coworkers. They don’t know how to perform like that. And then yes he didn’t think she’d come to the concert (she was not there yet) where he basically decided he would relapse in a sexy way and have deranged foreplay with Daisy onstage and sing the one song on the album that’s about Camila while he and Daisy are sharing air singing/panting into each other’s mouths without quite kissing. What was I saying I lost my train of thought it was crazy main point. It’s probably the most deranged on this list but not the most delusional specifically, I feel, that feels fair to say. 

the scene in the gif i reblogged where he’s so mad that Daisy got married (for the whole episode) and the moment the two of them are alone not on stage after a fight he tries to pull the “I know what it looks like when your in love with someone” and has the audacity to lean in (And she whacks him! Has none of it Good for her!<3). Like he’s not wrong obviously but also his ass is projecting 😭 “I know what YOU” and then she rejects Him and he stares forlornly after her and continues pining for the rest of the ep (my favorite episode) 

In conclusion, say what you will about him he is accomplished in his field (delusional manwhoring). like Lucas Scott WISHES 

#asks #anon #djats #s speaks #billy dunne #daisybilly

[gayfanfic1999]

Euphoric Dick

A Eurotic Story of Elliot & Fezco From Euphoria

Part 1:

By: Thomas Brooks

*Elliot*

I just left Rue’s house walking down the empty streets wondering if I just made the worst mistake of my life. I thought telling Jules about Rue’s relapse was the right thing to do, but now I wasn’t sure. My face still burned from where Rue had slapped me.

How could I ruin the only two friendships that I had?

Would Rue ever talk to me again, or would Jules ever not look at me and feel betrayed?

Not only that, Rue had the right to know that Jules and I had been sneaking around her back all this time. I know I’m far from innocent and seemed to be the catalyst for all the things that had happened.

All that being said deep down I missed Jules. The soft touch of her lips on my lips, her neck, or when she would slowly lick her way from my collarbone to my ear nibbling on it. Whispering all the dirty things she wanted to do to me. The way her perky tits felt in my hands, or how hard her nipples would get when I touched them. Low moans escaped her lips as our tongues wrapped around each other, hot and wet. Most of all, and probably the most complex part was the way I missed how hard Jules’s dick would get, and the way it ground against my own hard cock.

I had never given much thought to my sexuality. I've always been attracted to girls, but never really thought of guys before. Someone as unique as Jules really opened my eyes to thoughts about

Stroking a dick…

Sucking on it…

Maybe even letting Fu…

My dick twitched in my and throbbed a bit at the thought of that. I let the image leave my mind. That night when I had told Jules about Rue. She had been wearing nothing, but his old tattered band T-shirt and a pair of panties. Those panties showed off her perky ass and outlined her bulge.

“Why the fuck did I have to open my fucking mouth?” I grumbled. The first words that had left my mouth in the past 3 hours.

I finally looked up and realized that I had been walking with no real no destination in mind. I reached for my phone only to realize that the battery was dead.

“ Fuck my life.” I sighed.

I was in a place where I wasn’t too familiar with a dead phone, far from home, with no friend to turn to, and the sky was getting darker by the minute. Soon it was going to be pitch black, and I was all alone.

After walking for another thirty minutes or so I saw a gas station three buildings down the road. I hadn’t eaten all day, and still probably couldn’t eat after everything that had gone down. That being said, I could definitely use something to drink. Hell if I was lucky I could steal some liquor and drink my problems away.

As I approached the entrance of the gas station. I looked around, seeing it to be empty. As I walked in, the only other person I saw was a man with piercing blue eyes, a buzzed head, and a well-groomed beard. The guy was staring down at his phone and barely looked up as I walked in. I then made my way through the aisles. Trying not to look suspicious as I made my way to the back to the coolers. I casually opened the cooler and grabbed a 24-pack of some random beer. I really didn’t care what. I just wanted to get fucked up. Then I slowly made my way through the aisles. Acting like I was interested in some chips when I made a run for the door. Before I could touch it I felt a gun barrel on the back of my head.

*Fezco*

I already have been having a pretty shit night. Ashtray had killed a man, Faye had been driving me crazy, and most annoyingly of all Lexie still hasn’t put out. So the amount of anger I had at seeing this scrawny little blonde mother fucker steal from me was the icing on the cake.

“ You must have a fucking death with wish. Coming in here and stealing from me bitch.” I said, my voice audibly pissed.

I saw the guy start to shake and turn slowly to look at me. His eyes stared directly at him. As I looked at him I couldn’t help but smirk.

“ Yo with the hell. I know I’m not about to get robbed by a mf with a fucking Apple logo tatted on his face.” I said, almost laughing.

I could tell the guy was scared and probably wondering if I was going to shoot.

“Look, man! Here take it! I’m sorry, please don’t shoot!” The thief said pure terror in his eyes.

“ Wait a minute don’t I know you? You’re one of Rue’s friends right.”

“I guess you could say that. My name is Elliot.” He said. Voice barely above a whisper.

I could tell by his face there was something there. Yes I know I was holding a gun to Elliot’s face, but more than that. There was pain there long before he walked into my store. I then lowered the gun and pointed at Elliot to follow me.

“ You’re not going to kill me are you?” Elliot asked, his voice full of fear again.

“ No. Well, at least not right now. Come with me, and bring the beers.” I said.

I then flipped the sign on the door, turned off the lights, and locked up. I led Elliot up the stairs to the apartment right above the gas station. I dropped the keys on the kitchen table and waited for Elliot to walk in before shutting and locking all five locks on the door. Elliot stood there staring at him with fear in his eyes.

“This is just percussion, because of my Uhm well… side hustle. I ain’t going to kill you.” I said, reaching out and taking the beers from Elliot’s hands.

I walked over to the couch and sat down and gestured to Elliot to do the same. I watched as Elliot sat down, knees shaking up and down. Then I opened the pack of beer, cracked one open, and passed it over to Elliot.

“ Here drink this man. It looks like you need it.” I laughed.

“ Thanks, man,” Elliot said nervously chuckling.

I cracked another beer and started to sip from it. I sighed in relief at its cool smooth taste. When I looked over at Elliot he was also drinking from his beer. I could tell something was up. I want to know what the fuck happened, and how the fuck he ended up here.

“ Now I said I wasn’t going to kill you, but I think you have some fucking explaining to do. I can tell something’s fucking with your mind.”

*Elliot*

So I did. I told Fez everything. About Rue and the fight that broke out. About Jules and I. I don’t know why it was so easy talking to him. This guy literally had a gun pointed at my head less than an hour ago. I’m my head I couldn’t believe I was so stupid to forget that I had met him at new years just before he beat the fuck out of that Nate kid. To be fair though I was fucking high as fuck on who knows what. Not to mention making sure Rue didn’t die. As we talked he just listened and didn’t say anything. After 10 more minutes of spilling my guts, the room went quiet for what felt like an eternity.

I then looked up from the floor finally meeting my eyes. Shit his eyes. The way they stared into my own was so piercing as if he was seeing directly into my mind. It sent chills down my body because damn Fez was hot.

“Damn that’s fucked up. You fucked up man, but also I think in the long run did the right thing about Rue. Now fucking Jules. That’s fucked up man.” Fez said. Voice not mad just matter of fact.

“ I didn’t fuck her we..” I started.

“ Did she fuck you?” Fez asks in a curious voice.

I looked back at him and then slowly started to look down when I briefly looked down at his gray sweatpants. He wasn’t hard or anything, but I could see a thick long imprint of his dick. That one glance made my dick start to twitch in my jeans. My cock slowly grew at the sight of that big dick beautifully outlined in those gray sweats.

“Did she fuck you?” Fez asks again, voice more forceful.

I blushed. My head clouded with the thought.

“ Uhm no, but I’ve thought about letting her.”

Why the fuck did I say that to him? He just has this aura about him. It makes me feel safe and willing to do or say anything he says.

“ Hey man. No judgment. We all got the shit we like.” Fez says with a chuckle in his voice.

“ You’re probably one of the coolest guys I’ve met. I’m sorry about earlier… I seem to just want to fuck over all of Rue’s friends.” My voice shaking

“ Man. You alright yourself. Just don’t do that shit again.” Chuckling under his breath.

I look back up at him, and he’s still staring at me. I can’t make out the look on his face…

*Fezco*

Shit, I’m fucked up. I had been drinking just before Elliot had come into the store. Smoked a few blunts, and now five beers with Elliot. When Elliot was talking about him in Jules I couldn’t help, but get a little turned on by it. I mean shit. I haven’t been laid in a month. I haven’t even had time to jerk off with all the shi,t going on. Now I’m not gay or nothing, but hey as a drug dealer, there are some hidden perks besides the money. When people are short on money sometimes I let them pay it back in other ways. I don’t care about gender as long as they suck dick good. For a moment there I swear I saw him stare at my dick.

Maybe this night I can get a little action after all. As I was thinking about it I just stared at Elliot, my dick starting to twitch a little bit in my sweats. Pulsing and growing longer. I had a little plan to see if I could get Elliot’s mouth around my dick.

“ Hey man, do you mind if I turn on some porn? I ask as nonchalantly as possible.

I look over at Elliot who is staring at me. Something in his eyes was so intense. I saw him lick his lips and then quickly looked down at my crotch. I know he could see my increasingly growing cock. Now everything depends on his response.

“Sure Fez I don't mind. Maybe some release is just what we need after the days we've had.” a nervous laugh in Elliot's voice.

I got up from the couch making sure to adjust my dick, so Elliot could see just how hard my dick was getting. I then looked through my porn DVDs to see what would best fit the moment. I settled on a double-penetration movie. Where the two guys sometimes touch each other, and even a scene where the guy is sucking another guy's dick while he fucks into this tight girl's wet pussy. Her tits bouncing as she rides his cock. I put the movie in the DVD player and bead back to the couch.

As I head back to the couch the movie is already playing, but I see Elliot only starting at my half-erect penis. I decide to make it twitch a bit, and see him instantly blush and look at the tv. This was going to be easier than I thought. I sit back on the couch and take another sip from my 11th beer. As the movie plays I notice Elliot adjusting his jeans. His bulge pressing dangerously against the denim. My cock is hard and fucking throbbing. I know I have to play it cool, but I also know I have to make the first move.

I slowly start to stroke my dick threw my sweats. Letting a low moan leave my throat. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him watching eyes locked on me stroking my cock through my pants that leave nothing to the imagination. I slowly lower my pants. Knowing his eyes are still locked on my cock. I lower them just enough so I can reach in and grab my throbbing dick. I pull it out and start to slowly stroke it. I go to glance at him and his eyes quickly snap back to the porn. Where the girl right now is sucking on one of the guy's cock while stroking the other.

I hear the sound of Elliot unsnapping his jeans. Then the sound of his zipper slowly unzipping. Seconds later I side-eye him to see that he pulled out his cock. It's uncut and probably around 8 inches long. Not bad at all, but mine was definitely thicker and longer than his by a couple of inches. I evert my glance from him focusing on the porn. I begin stroking my dick that is dying to explore the inside of his thick lips, and wet tongue.

About 15 minutes into the movie I can't take it anymore. I look over at him again and these there staring at me fuck my hand with my cock. His hand stroking his dick so fast that his balls are slapping on his thighs. I see no shame in his eyes as he watches me jerk off his eyes full of lust and want. Now was the time.

“ Are you just going to look at it, or are you going to come over and suck my dick?” I ask voice husky and full of need.

*Elliot*

Did I hear him right? Did he want me to suck his dick? It was such a beautiful dick. It had to be at least 9 inches long and so thick. His balls looked so full and hung so low.

“ Uhm what?” I ask. My voice was thick and shaking.

“ I said, are you just going to stare at it, or are you going to come over and suck my dick?”

So many thoughts are in my head right now. Is this what I wanted? Of course, it was. I've been staring at his cock for the past 20 minutes. So I pushed all the doubt out of my head and slowly moved closer to him on the couch.

I slowly bent over eyes locked on him as I got closer to his cock. I could feel the heat radiating from his cock as I got closer. As I looked at it I could see just how hard it was. I could see the thick vein that ran from the base to the beginning of the tip of his cock head. His uncut cock was leaking precum that had flowed a lot the way down to the base of his cock.

What do I do and how to start? I could feel his hot breath on the back of my neck. I then grabbed his cock. Fez let out a sharp gasp as I did. His dick twitching possibly getting even harder. I slowly start to stroke his dick. Picking up the speed as I gain confidence. I then decided to spit on his tip to get his dick wet as I stroked him faster.

The hormones in me were at a new-time high and all fear left my body. I then licked the long vein up his cock until infested his tip. I licked his tip again and again. Then I swallowed the tip of his dick. I tasted the salty-sweet tang of his precum and my saliva. As soon as I started it felt so right having his dick in my mouth. I slowly started to swallow more and more, testing just how much I could fit in my mouth.

Fez gasped as my mouth was halfway down his cock. I choked as his cock hit the back of my throat. Saliva pouring from my lips coating his balls. I tried to come up for air, but he wrapped his hand through my hair. Pushing me deeper on his cock. I gagged choking as he started fucking my face. His balls slapping against my face as he thrust inside my mouth. So it felt like I was going to pass out until he lifted my head off his dick. I gasped for air as spit and precum gushed from my mouth right back down on his dick and balls.

Then he forced me back down on his cock fucking my face again. My dick leaked precum all over my hand as I stroked myself.

This felt so right. Having Fez fuck my face. Me gagging and tearing up with the force of his thrusts. I wanted more, I needed more. I forced myself further until my lips touched his trimmed pubes. He held me there, not allowing me to come up. Thrusting deeper into my mouth. His balls brushed my chin. He then let me up for air, more saliva dripping from my mouth.

“ Fuck me Fez. I want to feel you inside of me.” I gasped.

*Fezco*

Fuck man I've never fucked a dude before. I mean sure I've let a few blow me when they were late on a payment or didn't have their money upfront. However, there was something in his voice that made me want to do it. The lust in his eyes. The raspiness of his voice. I wonder if he's ever sucked dick before because of the way he just let me fuck his face. My dick was just getting harder than I ever thought possible.

“ Turn around and bend over,” I said so forcefully and thickly it even surprised me.

He did just that. I watched as Elliot bent over all fours his perky ass right in front of me. His dick was leaking precum all over the couch. A large stain was visible of just aroused. His smooth round ass calling for me to tantalizingly. I slapped his ass which in return let out a long moan that made my dick throb even harder. I realized more than anything I wanted to taste him. I wanted to spread his ass open and lick his tight fucking hole so bad. So I forcefully grabbed his hips and pulled him closer to me spreading his ass open. Exposing his beautiful pink hole.

I trailed my finger around his hole. Stretching it a lot just to see it spread more for me. As I bent down to taste I could feel the heat of his ass and smell the sweat and his arousal. It drove me insane how submissive he was being to me. I slowly licked from his balls to his taint. Licking back and forth. Elliot let out these tiny groans and gasps when I would get close to his hole. Soon I couldn't help it I forced my tongue into his ass. His body rejected it at first before slowly opening up to my tongue. He moaned loudly, knees shaking from the pressure.

Something about his moans gave me so much confidence that I started fucking his hole with my tongue. Trying to fuck deeper and deeper into him. All I could hear him say was.

“ Yes, Fez right there.” Or “ fuck yeah.”

Mostly though it was just moans and gasp as I explored deeper. Soon he was thrusting his ass deeper. Fucking my tongue with his ass. After a while, I came up for air. My mouth was covered in spit and the taste of his sweet hole.

“Fuck me Fez fuck me. I want to feel you inside of me. Every inch of that cock.”

I spit on his hole and tried working a finger into his, but it was so tight.

“ Relax for me. You gotta open up for me Elliot.” I said in a voice full of want.

He arched his back spreading his legs wider for me. Soon my first finger sank into his ass. Elliot let out a hiss of pain, but instead of pushing away, he pushed further until my whole finger was swallowed by his tight hole.

“ Fuck yeah just like that Elliot.” I groaned, my voice almost too eager for what I knew we were about to do.

He fucked my finger still moaning from the burn he undoubtedly felt from it. After he seemed to be comfortable with one. I slid it out. Tasting my fingers so I get more of his sweet scent on my tongue. I then spit on his hole and tried working two into his ass. The moans that escaped him kept my dick rock hard. This time I was more forceful. Eager to fuck him I pushed deeper into his has with my fingers. Fucking him forcefully while holding his waist so he couldn't escape. Soon he was rocking his hips into the thrusts moaning softly.

“Fuck me Fez please I need it. Give it to me. I'm ready.” Elliot gasped.

*Elliot*

I couldn't take anymore I need him to slide his dick in me and fuck me. Yes, it would burn. It probably hurt, but what I realized is that I got a thrill from him fucking my face until I couldn't breathe or forcing his fingers deep inside my hole.

“Are you sure you're ready?” Fez asked. His voice hitching at my demand.

“ Yes, I'm sure Fez. Fuck me. I need to feel u...”

Before I could finish my words I felt his strong hands on my way and him pulling me back. I felt a wet hard pressure on my hole. It burned so badly as Fez tried to force his way inside me. I grabbed onto the couch armrest trying to relax into it. Fez grabbed my hips even tighter forcing the head of his cock threw my hole. I could feel my asshole spreading trying to engulf his dick. He pushed further in and I gasped and tried to push back from the pressure but he sunk his hand into my waist even harder so I was planted there.

“ Fuck you're so fucking tight.” he gasped

“ Relax for me you got it.” he rumbled

I grit my teeth but tried to relax more to allow more of his cock in my hole. I felt his cock slowly slide deeper into my ass until he reaches my prostate. My breath hitches and the pain is no longer there as pleasure encompasses my body. I let out a deep moan and relax even more on his cock.

Fez can feel my body open up to him and begins to slowly stroke in and out of my ass. The feeling of his cock sliding in and out of my ass makes my knees even weaker.

After a few minutes of him carefully fucking him I can feel him picking up speed. His strokes are getting longer and deeper. His cock moved past my prostate. Deeper and deeper until I feel his balls slapping on my ass. The grip he has on my waist is so strong I know it will leave marks, but I don't care. Soon I'm matching his strokes by rocking my hips with his thrust.

I can't believe I went this long without knowing what it was like to be fucked like this. I could blame it on the alcohol, but I knew I've wanted this for a while now. We finally have a strong fast past going. The only sounds are his grunts, my moans, my wet hole, and his big juicy balls slapping against my taint.

“ I want to ride you Fez,” I say in a starry haze.

Without hesitation, he picks me up and rolls me on his cock so that I'm now on top of him. I first start slowly teasing his tip as we look into each other's eyes. My cock dripping on his chest. I can tell he getting frustrated and in a act of retaliation he pushes me down hard and on his cock and I let out a gasp of pain.

“ Stop playing games with me and ride this dick.” He demands.

His eyes are locked on mine and I know we want the same thing. I start to bounce on his dick picking up the pace. My own dick slapping against his chest. Our strokes are fast and deep and see something in his that tells me he’s close. I can feel my own orgasim start to rise in me.

“ Fuck Elliot I’m going to cum” he gasps as he hold my waist.

“ Me too I’m so close Fez.” I moan.

He then lifts me off his cock and throws me on my back. Lifting my legs he fucks deep into me. There's no rhythm to it, just desperation and need. I put my hand on my cock and start to stroke my cock feverishly. I felt vain along his dick pulse as he moaned and filled me with come. He was still fucking me as seconds later I cummed all over my chest. Letting out a loud moan as it happens.

After we catch our breath he slides his dick out of me. We both let out a horse laugh. When theres a pounding on the door.

“ Fez let me in.” Came a muffled voice

“Let me in Fez right now.” Louder then before

The pounding on the door was getting louder and more desperate and in the next second I knew it was Rue. My face drained of color as soon as I realized. Fezco dressed quickly and threw my clothes at me, ushering me to the bathroom and that’s where I stayed. Filled and covered in cum as my friend who hated me barged into the house…

#euphoria #euphoria fanfic #euphoriagay #gayeuphoriafanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #gayeuphoriafanfiction #fezco euphoria #elliot euphoria #elliot and fezco

[crazedlunatic]

hi there, I hope you are well???

I was wondering if we could possibly have a drabble of Nick and Cody? Maybe Nick is having a rough day?

Rough Day

TW: Eating disorder

“Hey, you started it without me. You know I want spoilers in real time when you do that.”

Nick, who was staring at the TV without really seeing it, jumped a bit and then turned himself so he could see Cody. He gave the smile. The one where he was clearly trying to hide something—be it accidentally vomiting or forgetting to eat one of his meals or snacks. Or going on too long of a walk or run.

It didn’t happen much but Cody knew Nick.

“What’s up?” Cody asked gently, setting his messenger bag on the ground. He then walked around the couch and crouched down.

Nick had seen Cody do it countless times when Cody was at work with the kids when the only opening happened to be when Cody was there.

Was it weird to be sitting in a waiting room to see his therapist when his boyfriend (partner?) was right there? Definitely but as his therapist said, it was simply part of their story. To not worry about it but to also not push the boundaries—rather, boundary— of the setting.

Which was fine. They just weren’t allowed to chat at the office unless Cody happened to be helping at the admit desk—which wasn’t often unless a receptionist or scheduler called out. The office tried to keep it so that didn’t happen but sometimes it wasn’t an option and, honestly, Nick loved to see how good Cody was with the kids while in the waiting room. Plus, he always told Cody about the visits anyway.

Still, he understood policy.

That didn’t help him now, though.

It was a moot point.

“I can’t find something to eat.” Nick looked upset.

“Do we need to go to the store?” Cody looked surprised. “I could have done Uber Eats for dinner for you or something.”

“No. I mean… there’s stuff here but I don’t want it.” Nick bit his lip.

“Why not?”

Nick let out a deep breath and said, “I don’t know.”

“Okay.” Cody’s voice remained the same as always when something like this happened. Very calm. Like he was explaining two and two equaled four. “What do you need? What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know why this is happening. It had been five months. We just officially moved in together. If I mess this up—”

“Hey.” Cody, who was still crouching, watched Nick. “You won’t mess anything up. You can’t. Because we’re not going anywhere. That’s why we moved into our own place. Ours. Because this is it for better or worse… and lets be real. You’re the better and I’m the worst.”

“What if it’s too much?” Nick let out another deep breath.

“What is too much?”

“Me.”

“You are perfect to me. Not too much. Not too little.”

“I’m a mess.”

“No.” Cody’s voice was soft. “No, Nicky.”

Nick swallowed hard and then bit his lip.

“Did you call anyone?” Cody asked. “Kurt? Blaine? Your grandfather?”

 “No.” Nick took a deep breath, now clearly trying not to cry. “I don’t know why this is happening, Cody. I felt like I was doing so much better… like maybe it was behind me.”

“There are ebbs and flows.” Cody was calm. “But you’re so close.”

“Yesterday I thought so but today—”

“Ebbs and flows.” Cody repeated. Sometimes it would take five repetitions to get through. “You’re so close, Nick. We’re all so proud of you. You’re doing an amazing job.”

“I’m scared I can’t do it, Cody.” Nick whimpered, tears spilling over. “Or that I’ll relapse. That I’ll never be anything because I dropped out of UCLA.”

“We can go to LA. We can make sure you get that opportunity. I graduate soon. I can try to find a job--”

“I can’t participate in college athletics for two more years. My class will have graduated well before me. That’s just depressing.”

“It’s not a race, Nick. It’s a school. I’m graduating later than I was meant to.” Cody’s voice was calm and reassuring. “Things get in the way all the time. It’s life. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

Nick swallowed and nodded, making eye contact.

“I’m here for you. Always. I think a good option for you would be to apply for part time classes at NYU. You can start off with the engineering classes because you love that stuff and it won’t feel like a chore. It will probably help you feel better as a whole, too. Start out with one class. Then depending on how you’re feeling and how your grades are doing… maybe you can do everything you wanted here at home with the support you have… it would probably make you feel a lot better than just sitting here alone three days of the week.”

“Yeah.” Nick nodded again and sniffled. “Maybe you’re right.”

“Transitions are hard but once you’re on the other side, people get to feel a lot better… I’m not telling you that you should take part time classes. Just if you want… but I think it could help a lot of the stuff up here.” Cody pointed to his own head. “And show you that you really can do all of that stuff you did before.”

“My grampa told me the same thing a few days ago.” Nick admitted.

“He’s right, Nick. Also your friend Ryan has reached out and invited you to things. Maybe you could take a class or two with him?” Cody asked.

“We still don’t talk as much.”

“He reaches out but he probably wants to give you space if you need it.”

Nick bit his lip.

“It’s not going to get easier until you start to do it. Trust me. I’m shy. I hate talking to people I don’t know. It’s part of the reason I want to work with kids.” Cody said. “The difference between you and I is that you are a people person. You need that connection outside of just us or just your family. I thrive in a small circle and you thrive where you can be around a lot of people, chatting and making people laugh. That’s a good thing.”

“Is it? Look where I am now.”

“Hey, it’s not overly big but we can upgrade when I make a salary.” Cody stuck his bottom lip out. “Also, you picked this one. I believe you mentioned it having two extra bedrooms incase we ended up with kids. Remember?”

Nick bit his lip again but more to hide the smile which really just messed with the being upset thing.

Cody kissed the top of Nick’s head and said, “It’ll happen. We’ll get there together and we’ll get your future figured out too. Let’s just take on bite size goals for now, okay?”

“Thank you.” Nick gave a smile—the one he’d get when he was feeling better. Not great. But better.

Cody ruffled Nick’s hair and said, “Hey, there’s a stray curl back here!”

Nick glared at him.

“Just kidding."

[zexoula]

i am just so tired of being dismissed and misunderstood. for someone w adhd who needs to ramble to get their point perfectly across still nobody will understand. i did the lesser of two evils when i was in such an unstable state that doing good wasn’t an option. less than 13 hours later and I’m completely fine, physically. i had a long nights rest and i may still feel the way i felt last night but it’s muted in the background as usual. im not bursting im not spiraling more and i DIDNT DO IRREVERSIBLE DAMAGE TO MYSELF. i never said my choice was smart but you chose to continue to antagonize and yell at me and keep me as far away from you as possible because you are just too busy to deal with my crap! IM VERY GLAD YOU CAN CHOOSE WHEN TO ENGAGE UR GF IN CRISIS BEXAUSE I HAVE NO CHOICE EVER EVERY SINGLE DAY BUT TO FEEL IT AND RIDE IT THROIGU KNOWONG ONCE IT HAPPENS ILL LOSE EVERYONE AGAIN BECAUSE NOBODY FUCKING UNDERSTANDS. You would all rather villainize my bad choice instead of holding me responsible while also showing me you fucking care.. even a little bit.. my life was important you said. that you would always be there when i really really needed you. i told you i couldn’t be alone, you said you had to stream, but your stream doesn’t change what i said about really not wanting to be alone with my thoughts again. what else do we expect but the worst outcome when i lay in bed for hours not even purposefully engaging in suicidal rhetoric until ive passively seen enough it triggers my obsession. you didn’t have to stop stream. u could’ve just propped me like normal and id watch you talk til i slept. I know you’re ashamed of me. It’s not about your private life being private entirely, it’s about how embarrassed you are of me or to be associated with me. typical bpd sanrio egirl with an alarmingly cringe online presence. i get it. i was stupid to think maybe he would be a little understanding in the circumstances.. but he laughs and tells me to fuck off and bans me in front of his audience while im trying to calm down from almost relapsing and it’s like… you expect what now? just break up with me already. You obviously don’t want to be with me anymore. I represent nothing to you but incompetency and impulsivity and misery with a fat rack. As always, i knew my worth every second of every interaction and I continuously am gaslit into thinking otherwise until the moment where i ACTUALLY REALLT JUST NEEDED YOUR VOICE TO CALM DOWN and it’s YELLING AT ME AND LEAVING TO GO BACK TO STREAM. I HATE YIU FOR DOING THIS TO ME. My initial breakdown was UNRELATED to you it’s why I needed your presence. I didn’t need your undying attention I just wanted to say goodnight and then listen to your stream to sleep…. Why do you hate me so much .. i know im strange I know I’m crazy I’m sorry max i am

[wlpmthoughs]

An Open letter to my bebi,

Hi bebi! Happy first of January 2023, I couldn't imagine we’ve come this far. I thought we’d never reach this year together, because of what I did. While typing this msg, all the text that was Included in this blog, makes me sad and guilty about myself for doing those things, those worst decisions, the choice that I’ve made. There is no real excuse for doing that, I will never get tired of saying sorry to you at the same time reassuring you that it won't happen again. Because, I also make a promise to myself that if ever it happened again, that's the time I know that I’m not worthy of your love, not worth it to stay. On the hand, I won't that happen again, because I don't want to do those promise that i’ve made on myself if ever it would happened again.

I don't want to lose you, Dien. Each day that have passed the more I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I know this sounds cliche but I wouldn't take this risk, or be with you right now if ur not the one i’m looking forward to be with in the future. I know what I did cause u traumas too, and it added to extra baggage that you’ve been carrying. I’m really sorry bebi, for being so stupid doing that.

I know bago palang and fresh pa masyado ang laht ng panngyayare, ur feelings are valid bebi, I would understand it. I know it always takes time for me to forgive myself and continuously be better. So please let me now if ever, there will be times that you would have some relapses. I would understand, I wouldn't get tired of reassuring u everyday bebi, how much I love you; and up until now pinagsisihan ko yung ginawa ko.

I know bebi, when it comes to this relationship, u think I’m the one na mabilis sumuko at bumitaw, pero that's the thing I've been working on to myself because I saw you have you want this relationship to work. I'm sorry if I'm the reason why this might supposedly come to an end. But I promise to continue to believe in us, even though it is a long way process of healing. I’m sorry if I might also be the reason why this relationship kinda be toxic because of the issues, trust issues that had happened.

I love you Dien, I'm really sorry for everything that i’ve done and to those things that hurt you. I'm sorry wholeheartedly for doing that bebi. I promise to that it won't happened again, and give the love that you deserve. I won't leave you, I’ll chose you over and over again. Mahal kita palagi, araw araw pipiliin.

[spookytori]

July 21, 2022

Being 18 was wild asf. I had so much freedom so fast. No parents. New city. Zero real responsibilities. Surviving off $20 and a bus pass. What a time.

Being 19 was so so fun but so traumatic. I’d say I did the most damage when I was 19. It was chaos. The most chaotic my life has ever been. Soooo fun though. I miss it sometimes but I’m so glad I never have to live through that again.

Being 20 was boring. A hard year mentally for sure. New job that I hated. Studio apartment that I hated. Grandma died. Joela fucked with me so heavily that summer. It was mania and depression. Mostly mania. When I finally peaked the come down was so miserable. That’s when I started meds for the first time.

Being 21 was so fun. Bars. Dispensaries. Clubs. New friends at school. Learned a new language. Actually starting loving my job. Still in my shitty apartment. So… still depressed and not on meds. But zero hangovers!!! 21 was an adventure for sure.

Being 22 felt good. 22 was really a pivoting point for me. A formative year. I really became a better version of myself. I think 22 is the year I finally set boundaries. I started therapy that year. I got a new car. Had a second job. I was completely single for a year. No women in the mix. No Jordyn, no joela. Everyone I had for the last four years gone within a matter of months. It was the year I learned how to be happy for me.

Being 23 was not fun. 23 tested me in ways I’d never been tested before. 23 started terribly. The middle of 23 was the worst. I hated work again. I lost trust in people I never thought I’d lose trust in. Work was hard. I was retraumatized. I relapsed. I drank and drove a lot. Had to up my meds. Got covid. But I also learned a lot of things this year. Learned a lot about myself again. The end has been okay. The end feels like when I was 22. I think that’s a good sign. Even though so many negative things happened, I feel at peace now. For the most part. I feel like my feet have touched the ground again. I feel secure again. I got a raise this year. Managed two stores this year. Showed myself what I’m capable of again.

I think 24 is going to be good. It sounds so weird. 24. 10 years ago I was 14. I was dreaming about living the life I am now. 14 year old me would have loved me. 14 year old would have felt safe with me. I don’t ever like to give myself enough credit, but I am proud of who I have become and all that I’ve done. I truly am living the life I always imagined. Wow. What a difference 10 years can make. 34 will be here before I know it.

[labeeboheme]

my spencer reid headcanons

(when a happy one matches a sad one, they’ll be matching colours)

also tw - vague mention of suicide, drug addiction, disordered eating mention (never anything graphic)

happy/cute

- Garcia and the rest of the team would leave little sticky notes around his desk and normally they’d just make him smile but when he was having a rough day they’d literally make him tear up with happiness

- he’s obscenely good at present giving, because he simultaneously remembers everything that people say they like and also has his ridiculous knowledge of what exists out there

- one week (it coincided with him being clean for 5 years, he never made the connection) he walked into the briefing room and every member of the team was dressed exactly as him. he kept trying to bring it up and everybody pretended they had no idea what he was on about. it became their BAU group chat icon for years.

- one of the best days of his life was when garcia took him dog walking with her, he got to just wander around with 6 dogs all day

- jack grows to adore him just as much as henry does. spencer hangs around a lot because him and hotch are usually the ones without anyone to hang out with at the weekend, and he takes jack to the museum with henry and michael all the time. jack ends up being a lot more like spencer than he imagined (which both terrifies and delights hotch)

- Spencer has never actually attended a graduation, despite having graduated from various degrees like 10+ times. when the BAU (Alex probably) finds out, they all force him into a gown and rock up to cheer him

- they liked to play trivia games where it was spencer vs the rest of the team, but someone (i’m thinking emily) picks up that it makes him feel left out. they then take turns being on spencer’s team. one month, the non-spencer team beats them and the joy it gives them makes him smile for a week

- garcia learns how to make mocktails and without fail, will make a huge jug for him anytime the rest are drinking alcohol but make sure they’re fun flavours so he gets just as much excitement as everyone else

- after Diana is moved to Virginia, the team become really close to her. JJ takes the boys to hang out with her because she’s always loved children (and Diana sometimes thinks Henry is a young Spencer, which makes JJ worry about how Spencer will react but he’s just sitting here grinning with tears in his eyes because he’s finally getting to see his mom be the mom he knew she could be)

- the BAU love his glasses, and there’s a competition to get a photo of him with them on, but he’s very good at avoiding cameras. After one case in a hotel they even try to hide his contact solution to force him to wear them (amateurs - he definitely keeps a spare box in his coat). There eventually is a single photo of them wearing them, but all members of the BAU fail. Spencer is babysitting Henry, who is distraught about having to wear glasses to school. Spencer gives up trying to comfort him and just takes his contact lenses out and switches them for glasses. Henry is super shocked but so happy that he matches his favourite person, so Spencer takes a photo of the two of them so that Henry can put it next to his bed

- he gets a cat after prison, it’s a tabby cat that is the light of his life, and the cat is just heavy enough that when Spencer gets it to sit on his lap that cat can be used a grounding pressure

—————————————————

angsty/sad

- developed disordered eating habits that started from him always being super underweight as a child bc he couldn’t afford food and then when he got to college he started to eat properly and put on actually healthy weight but he was so adverse to change that it freaked him out

- one of the roughest days at the BAU, after all the obvious terrible times, was when Morgan and Hotch was just having a casual conversation about how they’d helped Strauss with her addiction and it just broke him. he ended up hiding under Garcia’s desk and he’d only speak to her and Emily (as the only people I think ever actually helped him) and was non verbal, once they finally got him out into the office he refused to speak to either of them and was just stimming with garcia comforting him (once he started talking again he whispered why he was so upset to emily, and she joined him in his glaring at them every time he looked at them. morgan and hotch never really worked it out and eventually reid just gave up on being upset because he knew it couldn’t change what happened)

- spencer has never walked across the stage at graduation, but that doesn’t mean he never went to a graduation. his first degree his mom promised she’d come, but ended up not leaving the house. he stood to the side of the stage in his gown trying not to cry before just going back home and having the diploma mailed to him

- he relapsed in prison. he considered his sobriety over after the events in Mexico, and so just briefly gave up when one of the inmates offered him some. as soon as Garcia came to visit him, he broke down and never did it again. he never told Morgan and so he still got a text every year on the day he first got clean, which he thought he’d absolutely hate but ended up finding comfort in because even if the “happy 12 years sobriety, kid” should have been “happy 2 years sobriety, kid”, it reminded him that he’d done it before and could do it again

- after maeve died and they came round to help him clean his apartment, he was really proud of himself for being able to put her book on the shelf and feel like he’s moving on. and then the next day he was getting ready to go to work properly for the first time and he was just getting more and more terrified and anxious and then started to spiral because the longer he panicked the later he was. and it reminded him of how scared maeve had been to come outside to meet him at the restaurant but she’d done it anyway, and he put the book in his bag and found it a lot easier to leave the house after that

- Spencer is so goddamn bitter about them not helping him get clean, and he mentions it whenever he can. In a angry-but-never-let-himself-be-angry way, he takes some justification in seeing the team squirm with guilt. one day he’s listing symptoms of withdrawal for a case, and just starts to go like “another symptom is intense muscle pain, which for me was definitely the worst” or “yeah nausea is real bad, not that you’d know I guess” like he’s exhausted and pissed off and just gives up any pretence of subtlety

- when Diana dies, the whole team rally around Reid more than he could imagine. They all organise the funeral basically for him, and Garcia constantly cooks for him, and at least one person sleeps on his sofa each night in case he needs them. By week two he’s doing okay, and he quickly realises they’re doing it for themselves more than him, because they’re so desperate to let him know how loved he is. It’s still one of the worst weeks of his life, but it’s bearable and that’s purely down to him never having to feel lonely

- there’s a reason he knew exactly what to do when he walked in on Nathan Harris, and that’s because he’s done it with his mom, except that time he was 12 and his dad had just left and he just sat there covered in blood waiting for the ambulance, and whilst promising the paramedics that his dad was on his way home so that social services wouldn’t turn up, he read countless books on medical treatment so that next time he wouldn’t be so hopeless

- I respectfully disagree with the line where he’s like “this is my first meeting” at the Beltway clean cops, I’m convinced he would drive two hours to a meeting miles away so he could truly be anonymous and sit curled up in a chair and cry in meetings without even the slightest chance of seeing someone he knew

#criminal minds #spencer reid #headcanons #autistic spencer reid

[sacredsong]

happy ending

✧ summary: mudano dreads failing again.

✧ cw: angst, mentions of death, coma, tougen anki chapter 77 spoilers

✧ a/n: uh... yeah. sorry hehehe!

“You’re here again.” It was more of a statement than a question directed at the black-haired man standing in front of the headstone. He turned his head towards your approaching silhouette, staring at you with dull eyes. “Rough mission?” you asked. He nodded in response.

“I almost lost two of them again,” Mudano revealed. He would have sounded composed to anyone else, but you, who had seen him in his worst times, knew better. There was an oh-so-slight tremble in his voice that would have been really hard to spot, had you not known him for ages. “But you didn’t. You protected them, right?” you inquired, approaching him. He turned to look at the tombstone again. “That may be. If I had arrived any later though… I don’t wish to imagine.”

His eyes looked so forlorn, the pain from long ago still gnawing at him. It was obvious to you that a thousand things but nothing all at once ran through his mind. It tore through your heart as well. “Listen, Naito. I know you still blame yourself for… what happened back then,” you started, “but you know it’s not your fault that it happened.”

“It still doesn’t change the fact that I was unable to save them,” Mudano retorted. He was often like this, and you despised it; always taking all the blame upon himself and suffering on his own when he didn’t have to be alone. You chuckled bitterly as you recalled the events, “If you want to blame someone for their unjust deaths, then blame me as well. In fact, blame the entire combat unit. We were there too and just like you, we were unable to protect our comrades.”

“Denki. Chiyo. Aoi. Katsu. Nozomi. Nanami,” he listed, by far not everyone who lost their life on that fateful day. You nodded with tearful eyes, “They were my friends too, Naito.” Wiping the tears away, you continued, “All we can do right now is to fight for a seat at the table, fight for a happy ending in this god-damn war. For their sake and for ours.”

It was your belief that, one day, Oni could exist without being witch-hunted by what felt like the entire world.

Yet, you were aware that deep down, Mudano was scared of losing anyone else. Above all, he seemed to treasure his students specifically. Most likely it was because he saw your former comrades and himself in them – and you did too.

Although it wasn’t visible through his t-shirt, you knew the spot too well. Gently, you touched his chest with the tips of your fingers. As though you were scared that he would break at the slightest touch. “I will never allow you to fill this spot with my tattoo.”

Without exchanging any words, his larger palm engulfed your hand that touched his chest and his eyes met yours. A silent promise to protect you, come what may.

Those were your words.

Deep in thought, he twisted the ring on his index finger. It was one of your many gifts for him. ‘Practical,’ as you had called it.

In times like these, it was challenging for him not to relapse into his old and brutal habits. After all, who was there to be the voice of reason? Last time, it was you who stopped him from going berserk and destroying everyone who dared stand in his way – it had always been you who brought him back down to the ground.

But now? Mudano glanced at your slumbering figure in the makeshift bed. He would visit wherever you had been stationed and talk to you every day. Your hand had grown thinner and thinner. It had been several months since your eyes had been open. The only thing keeping you alive was an IV drip – not even Kyouya was able to help you any longer. To Mudano, seeing your sleeping form was torture. “I’m sorry for not being able to protect you either,” he murmured, rubbing your frail hand.

The door opened, Kyouya came in. “It’s time, Mudano.”

The black-haired man got up and was about to leave when he recalled what you said. ‘All we can do right now is to fight for a seat at the table, fight for a happy ending in this god-damn war. For their sake and for ours.’

“I don’t want a happy ending anymore. I just want an ending to this war.”

tags. @cursedmoonchild

#naito mudano #mudano x reader #mudano naito x reader #mudano naito #tougen anki x reader #tougen anki #naito x reader #naito mudano x reader

[sofoulandfairaday]

The ultimate How I Met Your Mother Finale rant

I know this has been done before, and I know I'm several years late to the party, but I don't care, so IN THIS ESSAY I WILL tell you about why this finale takes the spot as the second-worst finale in TV show history (because Game of Thrones is still, to this day, unbeatable, and it will probably stay like that forever). 

But first, a little context: I've just finished binge-watching HIMYM. This binge has been going on for three days straight (my final exam of the semester is in a week and I should be studying, so the fact that the last few days were a partial waste of time makes me so mad). Second thing: I already knew how it would end, and yes, kids, it does ruin the show for you. It ruins the show so much it makes your blood boil when you rewatch certain scenes, but I will get to that. 

You might want to make yourself a drink because this is a complete list of all the reasons why HIMYM's finale sucks - I'm warning you, it's gonna be looong.

It completely invalidates the entirety of season 9

This is one of the complaints people most often have with this series, and I have to agree. It would have been so much better if the last two episodes never existed, and they just showed Barney and Robin dancing at the reception after walking out of the chapel, Ted noticing Tracy and then the platform scene. "And that, kids, is the story of how I met your mother". Cut scene. Honestly, I don't get the hate people give to season 9, barring the last 2/3 episodes, especially since season 8 was so much worse (except for a few honourable mentions, like The Robin). S8 was slower, less funny, and less deep, and while the authors took a risk by making s9 happen in the span of a weekend it paid off: they took their time introducing the character of the Mother to the gang and fleshing her out. They make sure to highlight all the little ways in which Ted and Tracy are perfect for each other, and even tie up loose ends, like with the Slapsgiving episode, that was a filler but it wasn't boring to watch (although it may be problematic for different reasons, I'm not Chinese, so I can't say for sure if it's cultural appropriation or just the authors making fun of a particular movie genre). 

Some episodes were arguably great: "Daisy" was amazing, and that whole fight between Marshall and Lily was so realistic and well thought out, "Sunrise" was extremely important for Ted's character development, same goes for Tracy and "How Your Mother Met Me", "Bedtime stories" was impressive, "Rally" was incredibly funny and proved once again what a beautiful character Barney Stinson is, so much so that even Robin never has doubts that he (the guy with the biggest commitment issues on the planet) will bail on her before the wedding, and says to Ted that "he always comes back". Daphne's character is super funny and the right amount of annoying, the shenanigans of the gang are well thought out and all of the characters (not just Barney) complete their arc in this season. The last two/three episodes butcher that.

Marshall and Lily

Marshall and Lily, arguably the world's most solid couple, are the only thing this God-awful finale gets right, especially Marshall, who is my second-favourite character, that finally gets everything he deserves. But what about Lily? They never mention her career after Italy, and I refuse to believe she goes back to being a kindergarten teacher as if her year in Rome meant nothing. I also refuse to think she becomes nothing but a political wife, the equivalent of Zoey, but without saving the world. We know she has three kids, but her postpartum depression is never really talked about much and they definitely had the screentime to delve into it. 

Barney

 Where do I even begin? Barney Stinson is, without a doubt, the best character in this series, the glue of the whole gang. I think the message they were trying to give is that, since his trauma stemmed from the absence of a father figure in his life, he could only truly heal by becoming a father as well. People also say that n°31 had to stay just a number, because who could match up with Barney Stinson? First of all, I call BULSHIT on that last point, because Robin wasn't the only girl Barney could have ended up marrying. I used to think that too, but it's just not true: that is the equivalent of saying that Barney was incapable to truly love a woman and commit to her, even after all the development he got, and that he only got one shot at love in life, and that's it. This goes against the point the showrunners try to make by having Ted and Robin end up together AND by having Tracy get with Ted in the first place: "it's never too late, you always have another chance at love, etc." And, let's face it, Barney and Robin are legendary, but Barney and Nora (hell, even Barney and Quinn!) were pretty good together too. 

Second of all, if they wanted to give Barney a kid, they could have easily done that, before Barney married Robin. Barney's "redemption" starts when he gets with Robin the first time, hell maybe even when we meet James for the first time: Nora, Quinn, finding out who his father is, the episode dedicated to the lies his mum told him/finding James' father, him getting to know his own dad, etc... those are all steps along the way. The s9 episode where Barney accepts the relationship between Loretta and the reverend proves how far he's come. So why not give him a daughter BEFORE he proposes to Robin? Have him cheat on Nora/Quinn with n°31, giving him a relapse, and having him get closer to Robin while struggling to be a dad to Ellie. That would have been great. 

Or, you know, don't give him children. What's the point of burning the Playbook if you're going to have him write the second edition? What's the point of having him do a complete 180 in the last few scenes and acting like having a kid is the only thing that makes him change? What's the point of doing that when the show spends entire episodes berating Marshall and Lily for "changing too much" when they have a kid?

Also, Barney is the "challenge accepted" guy. He loves his wife so much, he spent years wanting her, and then he gives up because there is no WiFi in his hotel. How does that make any sense at all? This is Barney Stinson, the "I will fly out to San Francisco and buy Lily a plane ticket", the "I will steal every girl from my best friend just to save him for Lily", the guy that wrote the Playbook (it takes effort to pull those plays off), the guy that planned for weeks his proposal, the guy that waited years to get back at the man who stole his first girlfriend, the guy that makes every night legendary... are you telling me that that guy becomes the equivalent of a bored housewife instead of living his best life while travelling the world? Come on. They don't even try to make it believable.

Ted

While watching seasons 7 and 8, I felt that Ted was becoming the worst character on the show: he was boring, depressed, basically had no good storylines, the whole thing with Victoria was pointless and inconclusive (and the whole "stop being in love with Robin" was completely out of character for her), but whatever, we could have accepted that because it passed the message that two people could be good together, without being soulmates - which, by the way, renders the TedxRobin ship pointless, because they were right for each other, but Ted and Tracy were soulmates. Him being hung up on Robin in the latter seasons is almost pathetic, and the thing he does with the locket is insane, not romantic - BUT I will say this: it can be seen in two ways, depending on who's watching. I personally like the two as friends, so I see the whole thing as a "Dahmer" situation, but I get the people who see it as a "Dobler" one and see what he did as a grand romantic gesture. 

The problem, though, is that the whole TedxRobin ship gets pretty old, pretty fast: it's an annoying on-and-off thing, that should have ended with the locket. Because, yes, Ted was in a dark moment, yes, he was probably depressed, yes, he thought Robin was his only shot at happiness, but he changes during season nine! He spends entire episodes letting go of Robin, including the one where she transforms into a balloon and flies away. Ted is the good guy, ultimately. He is the guy that is genuinely happy for his best friends. In one of the deleted scenes from the finale, he meets Robin years later and says that he's so happy with Tracy he never thought about Robin in that way anymore. All of that gets thrown in the trash. Why do that? To use a Harry Potter metaphor, Ted is Severus Snape, while Barney is James Potter: the former loved the girl of his dreams with all his heart, even to the point of creepiness, but they weren't meant to be together. 

Robin

This, along with the next point, is the worst of all: Robin is the worst character of the entire finale. Her relationship with Ted in season 2 is wonderful, and I say that as a full-on Barney/Robin shipper. There was never a problem in their relationship, apparently, but they then break up because they have an "expiration date" and ultimately want different things in life. Except that Ted is not her soulmate. The only times when Robin wants Ted are the times where (1) she can't have him because he's either trying to move on or (2) the times where it's convenient, for example when they become roommates again and they solve their disputes again. Around that time, we see perfectly that Ted had moved on and that the person getting hurt was Barney. It's one thing to see Ted and Robin in the finale as two people picking up where they had left off after they dated. But this is not the case. 

In season 7, we have the exchange that should have put an end to any and all TedxRobin drama, and that completely invalidates whatever the writers wrote after that about the two of them: Ted declares his love - "I think you know how you feel about me now. I don't think time's gonna change that. Just tell me: do you love me?" To which she answers "No". And Ted also says later to Marshall, that he's "happy because he can finally move on". 

What a load of crap. 

Getting over someone is hard, believe me, I would know. And, oftentimes, it doesn't happen until we find someone else to love (and from the moment he meets Tracy, there is no one else for Ted). But by giving Ted feelings for Robin after this moment, it takes away from the beauty of it- because it's one of the most heartbreaking feelings in the world when you declare your love to someone and they don't love you back. Ted and Robin were both honest at that moment, and it was the last genuinely good exchange between them. After that, during season 8 they try to show us Ted trying to get over her (and failing) and in season 9 Ted getting over her completely. This is also weirdly paced because at the beginning of s8 both are in happy relationships with other people and there's no jealousy (which is good, because at least they weren't toxic) and they seem just friends (when Robin leaves Nick to go see him in the middle of the night, she implies that she would do it for any of her friends), but after Ted breaks up with Veronica because of Robin everything is weirdly coated in this sort of tension between the two: first Ted loves her, but she doesn't, so when he helps her by taking her to Barney's proposal ("which means my best bro in the world has given me his blessing"). 

And, by the way, every time they try to paint Ted as the guy that comes through for Robin after this moment, they dumb down Barney's character. And still fail to make Ted a better guy than him (see: the carousel in Central Park). 

Yes, Robin and Ted have some chemistry, but it is nothing compared to what Robin and Barney have. Every time Robin is jealous of Barney, it doesn't seem like a stupid whim, just because some other child is playing with her toys (except, perhaps, during The Robin). Robin and Barney's relationship would need a whole other post, and the next time I rewatch the series I will write down all the things that make them perfect for each other, but, to me, the biggest difference between the two relationships is this: in season 6, when she's not dating either one of them, Ted accuses Robin of never making him feel needed while they were together, whereas Barney praises her for it. Those are elective affinities: that's what Barney and Robin have, and what Tracy and Ted have. 

Barney and Robin have more or less the same arc: they both get over their fear of commitment and they do that with each other. Time and time again, we are told that if they're ever going to settle down, it would only be with the other. The first time they break up is honestly so stupid, and even when they are broken up, they are the best of friends, which also makes Robin's behaviour in the finale look so stupid. The way the two of them fit together is unparalleled, both in a romantic and a platonic way. 

Think about it: Robin makes Barney a better man, while she makes Ted a worse one. 

Also, the whole point that there are different seasons in life for everything gets thrown out the window: apparently, Ted and Robin (that were a couple that ultimately worked in their young twenties) are the same people in their forties.

But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is that the two final episodes butcher Robin's arc as well: episode 23 starts with Lily saying "I want this girl to be in our lives" and we know Robin never made other friends outside of the gang, because she didn't need to, and now she walks away from everything because of fucking Ted?? This is saying "hey, Robin was only in the group for Ted, who brought her in, and now she leaves because he's not her puppy anymore". Robin was the one that was eternally indecisive between Ted and Barney and you're telling me that three years and many many life experiences later, she's still not sure? 

The point of her story is learning how to get over her fear of commitment, learning how to be there for her friends (there's an entire episode dedicated to that, and it's the one where Lily's pregnant and we meet Robin's ex-best friend in Canada), and how to balance her job and her life. Also, the way her character is treated is un-feminist and un-progressive: she becomes Ted's consolation prize. She is passive throughout s9. She cannot, ultimately, win the modern-day struggle most women have and balance out career and love life, so her true life, her "happy chapter" begins after she has already accomplished everything she wanted to and she's free for Ted. She doesn't even go back to him, she just the prize the main character wanted for all his life and only got in the end because his wife died (ONE SCENE, people, ONE SCENE!). Also, this makes Tracy the "broodmare" that gives him the kids he wanted, and his "happy family" experience before he goes to be with his one true love. 

The mother

This. This makes me so mad. One whole season spent on building up Tracy's character, just for it to go to waste. It would have been so easy to screw her up, but she is hands down the best thing about s9. She's the perfect woman for Ted and the episode shot through her perspective is the sweetest. By the end, I liked her more than Robin and Lily. She was the perfect addition to their group, she fit together with them in a perfect way, and they show us the biggest moment of her and Ted's life... for what? To have her die in a few sentences? And I don't care if they shot a funeral scene, I don't care if the finale was supposed to be 40 minutes long, because, in the end, it wasn't. The scene where Ted meets her is the second most beautiful one (after Barney's proposal to Robin) and the climax of the whole show, but they ruin her... and for what? The chemistry Ted has with her, he has with no one. The joy she brings him, the way she understands him, is unlike any other. I am sure that one of the reasons they killed her off was the shock value and I hate it. 

I cannot stress this enough: Tracy makes Ted a better person. When he's with Robin, Ted is "the nice guy" in the most selfish and narcissistic version of the trope. When he's with Tracy, love comes easy to Ted. Also, the scenes between the two of them are arguably the best Ted scenes of the show.

The kids' reactions (ugh)

It's not really what they say- it's the way they say it. The end of HIMYM was not supposed to be funny, even though the show is a sitcom. It was supposed to be bittersweet and beautiful, because it's the end of an era, and the writers must have known that. So, Ted finishes telling his story, reveals to the audience that their now-beloved Tracy is dead, and the reaction is: "No, ahah, you totally have the hots for Aunt Robin" (their words, not mine). Like, what the actual fuck? I cringed when Penny said that. It's tasteless and not fun at all. Even if it has been six years... It's still your fucking mum, show a little bit of sadness at the thought of her. 

The reason the show ended this way

What makes me especially mad is that I know for a fact that the reason they went with this ending is that it was the original one, always intended for the show, from season 2 onwards. And, if you watch it right after s2, it makes sense. But if you consider the eight years that passed and the massive character development, then no, it's not the best possible one. So many things hadn't been decided yet back in s2, especially about Barney, Ted, and Robin, and I hate that they didn't dare to scrap their work. This ending probably had sentimental meaning to the writers, but authors have to do what's best for their characters, not themselves. It's like with GoT, in a way: I think that the authors were all too aware of the impact of HIMYM and didn't believe that their finale would live up to the expectations... which compelled them to make the worst decision possible?? Every single character is OOC during the episode. Oh, and Marshall and Lily moving in the last episode is a ripoff from Friends (or maybe a tribute? Idk). Anyway, I believe that the authors were too attached to their sentimental version of "what should have been" and didn't give the characters the endings they truly deserved.

"Life works this way" // "Life only moves forward"

Some people say that the show is realistic because that's how life works. But I call super-BS on that. That might be true, and yes, people do get sick and die (Max, Marshall's dad...) and life does go on. But then, you don't frame it the way they did. It's just bad storytelling if you do it like that. And the problem is not the structure of season 9, because the characters develop in that season. The problem isn't even the mother's death. The problem is Ted ending up with Robin because that's not life moving forward for him, that's him, doing the same thing he did in 2005, 25 (twenty-fucking-five) years before! 

In conclusion, this finale is incoherent and inconclusive, and not satisfying at all. The only character that gets a good ending is Marshall: why is that? What makes his ending great? It's the fact that his character arc is respected and he finally gets what he's been working towards for more than ten years.

#himym #how i met your mother #how i met your mother spoilers #how i met your mother finale #09x23 #09x24 #robin sherbatsky #ted mosby #tracy mcconnell #barney stinson #marshall eriksen #lily aldrin #swarkles #ted x robin #ted x tracy #barney x robin #a rant #the blue french hor #the yellow umbrella

[omiscurls]

hi! (this request is heavily inspired by a kdrama i just watched called sweet home lmao) could i request a childe x gn reader fic where childe and the reader r both severely injured and the reader had to kill someone for self defense and as theyre running away the reader feeling super guilty is like “i’m so terrible i killed someone” and childe is trying to comfort them and they find a place to rest while being both on the verge of death and the reader is like “i killed someone, i’m so scared that it’ll be my last memory”and the childe is like “try to forget abt it it’s ok” and the reader is like “u don’t think abt either too” (yk implying like oh don’t think abt the ppl you’ve killed before childe, bc im assuming he’s killed a lot of ppl) and he’s like ok with a sad smile and they die together in each other’s arms holding hands?)/?:))2 help this is wayyy to detailed i’m sry but if u want the reference scene it’s from this video , they show the specific scene in time stamps 0:57-2:56 again i’m so sorry if this is too detailed or if u don’t wanna write it!!! tysm <3

memory

a/n oh my god that is just my kind of angst, thanks for the request and i hope you'll enjoy!!

prompt: honestly? dying with tartaglia (that sounds like a creepy tv show's title and i'm proud of it)

contains: tartaglia

warnings: angst, death, blood, major character death, self-blame, murder, more blood, really a lot of dying and bleeding, please do not proceed if you're not comfortable with the topics

adrenaline was probably the last string that had your body moving and functioning in any way. the blood in your veins made you deaf, only capable of noticing the sounds of it pumping behind your ears, head pulsing like a bomb about to explode.

your whole body shook, and you felt a metallic taste on your tongue, covering your mouth with your hand to prevent throwing up, which you predicted would happen in a matter of seconds.

"hey!" you finally heard childe yell, sounding distant even still, when you lifted your gaze away from the body before you and noticed he was standing fairly close. "come on, move, or his buddies" he said pointing to the lifeless man beneath you "might just come to get revenge"

with that he took your arm by the waist and pulled you along with him.

you stumbled over your own feet, and almost fell down every couple of minutes. your lungs started to burn after mere seconds, and you couldn't even find breath to tell him to slow down. you also knew he couldn't, having better self-preservation instincts than you, he understood the situation you two were in better.

fuck.

you looked behind you, to the spot where blood painted the grass red under a pile of dead bodies, some of your allies, some of your foes, but from this kind of distance, you couldn't even make out which one was which. your gaze fell down to your hands, covered in sticky redness as well.

you just killed somebody.

it wasn't even the consequences that frightened you, it was the sheer act of life leaving his eyes before he fell down, of his pupils staring at you in one last beg for mercy before freezing like that for the eternity ahead, for how his body seemed to have gained weight in a matter of seconds, almost pulling you down with him. the ringing in your head got more intense as you choked on a strained sob.

"they're dead" you breathed out, making your partner laugh sarcastically.

"good guess" he answered, his grip on your arm loosening as the both of you climbed up a hill.

"no, you don't understand, they're- dead dead! i- i didn't think i-" you stumbled over your words, panic settling in your eyes as you tried to comprehend the situation.

"what, you didn't think that if you pierce a person through with a blade they're gonna die?" he asked rhetorically, back almost slamming against a tree, sliding down to the ground with a breath of relief. "fuck, looks like i got pierced, too" he noticed, looking down onto his side, the grey material of his uniform getting dark and sticky. he hissed, trying to lift it up, and gave up on his attempts, instead opting to look at you.

you didn't sit down, but kept staring forward with the most frightened expression he had ever seen you wear. eyes wide open as you searched for answers in thin air, hands shaking, moving up to cover your mouth.

“hey” he whispered way gentler than before, urging you to sit down in front of him “it’s okay, it was only self-defense. you did kill them, but you didn’t murder them or anything, it was kill or be killed”

his words held so much confidence in what he was saying, you almost felt comforted. he really did master the art of bending the truth to his liking, didn’t he?

“i did it, what if he was someone’s father, or brother, or whoever else, what if i just destroyed someone’s world? he was a human being just as much as i am, i had no right-“ you started relapsing into panic, hands gripping on your hair, head moving down to hide between your legs.

only then did tartaglia notice the huge wound right across the back of your thigh, and several others. fuck, he instantly thought, whoever did it knew what he was doing, cut you in a very specific place, with intent to kill.

he couldn’t even fight back the wave of anger coming crushing at him, but bit his lip instead of saying anything. there was no way the both of you could get to a safe place in time.

he used to be so passionate about continuing to live, normally he would’ve just throw you over his shoulder and run, until his legs gave out, but now, he didn’t even have the energy to stand up. he barely could move his hand, and the more he tried to fight it, the more tired he became.

the feeling of helplessness was eating him alive, both from not having any way of providing you safety, and for not protecting you earlier, not to mention how he couldn’t find the right words to say to you now.

“listen” he started carefully, waiting for you to stop sobbing. “it’s painful, killing someone. it leaves a hole inside you that you don’t know how to cover. it makes your thoughts twist and fight back against you, it makes you want to leave your own head for how bad you feel. it sucks, believe me, i know. you didn’t deserve to have to feel this shitty. i’m- i’m sorry. for not shielding you well enough.” he said bluntly, not a hint of comfort or the usual beating around the bush that he used every time he intended to coax you. just pure, brutal truth. for once.

“it’s okay” you mumbled quietly. your head felt heavy on your shoulders, and you felt how it started to fall off its support. the numbness in your legs, this sort of stressful feeling of being constantly out of air- “i don’t want to die, though”

the sentence felt like a whimper, a cry of help, but tartaglia knew there was exactly nothing he could do.

“am i gonna die?” your voice felt a little stronger, laced with fear, and you lifted your eyes back onto him, in search of a “no” that you knew you wouldn’t find. “i’m gonna leave this world with killing a man as my last memory” you laughed bitterly, before laugh became a cry, and tears mixed with sweat on the surface of your cheeks. “that’s the worst fucking death i could ever imagine”

“baby, look at me” he asked calmly “come here”

when you moved to sit on his side, his hand, sticky from blood, intertwined its fingers with yours, and squeezed tightly.

“look. we’re sitting on a hill, under a tree, the sun is high up in the sky, a meadow below us, it’s a perfect date!” he laughed so authentically, you almost believed it was true. “we’re on a dream date, isn’t that amazing? and look.”

with that, he tilted your head towards his, and kissed you softly and shortly.

“i love you.” he said in the calmest manner he could force out “is that a better memory?”

you placed your head on his side, attempting to hug him even a little bit, tears staining his uniform even more.

“i don’t want to leave you.”

“i’ll be right behind you. guarding your back, like i always do. after all, i promised to always protect you, right? death won’t change my plans.”

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact #childe x reader #genshin boys #childe angst #genshin impact angst #genshin angst #genshin imagines

[redphlox]

Rei and Touya/Dabi

I know we’re collectively worried about Rei’s state of mind after the Dabi reveal. The popular speculation is that seeing what’s become of her eldest son will set back her recovery. I’m here to offer you the opposite scenario based on a few panels I can’t stop thinking about: Touya’s return won’t break her, and it’s exactly what she needed. 

Okay, let’s backtrack. She’s hospitalized because of the mental breakdown she suffered due to domestic abuse. She felt guilty for burning Shouto. It’s not a coincidence that she’s been making huge gains ever since Shouto reached out to her and they’ve reconnected. They’re both healing because the other is healing, too. They now have a relationship that doesn’t include Endeavor whatsoever. Both mother and son have redefined his fire side - he doesn’t see himself as an extension of Endeavor, and neither does she. 

Now, what was the other event that was the final blow to her mental state?

Touya’s death. The death of her eldest son.

Endeavor is speaking in this panel, but even though Rei is pictured as he says this, I don’t think he means Rei. I think he’s referring to Touya. Before this panel, he’s reflecting on his motivation to be #1 and comes to the conclusion that it’s “them” - children. 

And which child’s future did he cut short? Touya’s. I think he’s referring to Touya, and I think that’s Rei’s reaction upon learning of his death. She’s terrified and devastated. Look at her twisted mouth and quivering chin. She may even blame herself for Touya’s death - she spent all that time protecting Shouto from Endeavor’s training because he was the one in direct danger, and it probably never crossed her mind that harm would come to her other children because Endeavor neglected them. 

But look at what happened… Touya died in a fire at a training facility where Endeavor used to train. Even if Endeavor wasn’t directly involved, Rei’s nightmare has come true - the worst thing possible happened because of Endeavor’s ambition. One of her children died. 

It was too much for Rei. To survive, she needed to forget about Endeavor and everything that reminded her of him. Shouto recognized this, and stayed away from her for years until enough time passed that they could address their past. 

This is all my speculation, because Hori hasn’t given us Rei’s POV, but I want to emphasize that parental love is unconditional. That’s been explored in the manga indirectly through Endeavor’s neglect of his children when they didn’t possess good enough quirks. While the Todoroki children didn’t receive unconditional love from Endeavor, they did receive that from Rei. There’s a reason Shouto never resented Rei for burning him - he saw that as an action toward Endeavor, not him. He even asked about her after he came home bandaged up from the teakettle incident. He loves his mother unconditionally, and she does in return.  She loves all of her children. I think that extends to Touya/Dabi, too.

 So, let’s talk about Rei’s reaction to the Dabi reveal, specifically in reference to her facial expression. We’ve seen her look frightened before, usually when she was reminded of Endeavor. 

But the expression she has after seeing Dabi/Touya isn’t anything like that. She’s stunned, she’s frozen, but she’s not afraid of the man she’s seeing on the television. Her eyes kind of hold some curious, surprised recognition in them, more like “Ah, he looks familiar, but why?” instead of the “what the heck, this isn’t my regularly scheduled program that I was watching!” someone else might say at the slight annoyance of their show/the news being hacked. 

After he says his name, her mouth is opened like she just let out a soft, “Oh.” And she’s still not afraid or terrified. Her eyes aren’t wide, her pupils aren’t dilated. Her expression is nothing like the look of terror we’ve seen her wear before. She knows he’s her son because she no longer sees Endeavor in Shouto’s left side and she no longer sees Endeavor in Touya either. While Dabi still sees himself as an extension of Endeavor, she’s seeing her son, her baby. She’s not seeing a murderer or villain - she’s seeing the product of Endeavor’s abuse.

I don’t think she’ll spurn Dabi or villainize him - she completely understand more than anyone what atrocities Endeavor’s abuse could bring someone to do. 

In a way, now that she knows Touya is alive, she has a second chance to “protect” him from Endeavor and release him from Endeavor’s hold. The child who wanted so desperately to please and be loved is still in there. Rei couldn’t protect him from Endeavor or Endeavor’s will before, but now that she’s in a better mental state, maybe she can. And yes, Endeavor isn’t abusing Dabi/Touya right now, but the past never forgets and those scars don’t just go away when you remove yourself from the situation (in his case, when he “died”). Touya is still in the middle of his trauma, reliving it over and over again as Endeavor becomes #1 and Shouto interns with him. It probably only reopens the wound more to see Endeavor with his “perfect” son.

It’s a sort of miracle that some of the factor’s in Rei’s breakdown are “reversing”: Shouto’s burn, Touya’s death. She has Shouto in her life again, and now Touya can be, too. This reversal doesn’t diminish or fix the pain or the past, of course. It’s also not to say she’ll return to her old self, because growth and recovery isn’t about returning to a previous version of yourself. It’s about learning coping mechanisms and reframing your thoughts and perception. That’s why I think Dabi’s reveal won’t send her into a relapse - she’s in a better place, she’s made strides and has worked SO hard. I think with her children’s love and her new fortitude, Rei can overcome this situation too, and reaching out to Touya will help her recovery. I think this quote by the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu fits Rei’s mental state and present situation the best: “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

I don’t know, maybe it’ll be “Shouto’s visiting her, Touya is alive and recovering, and our family’s looking toward the future more and more.” In the end, the Todorokis have a second chance at being a family. But there’s a lot of healing that needs to happen, and Dabi needs to be saved first... and he needs to be willing to be saved.

#rei todoroki #touya todoroki #dabi #dabi is a todoroki #keeping up with the todorokis #shouto todoroki #todorokis #todoroki family #bnha #bnha meta #tw abuse #my meta

[summercourtship]

i absolutely love your amanda writings! the lack of amanda fics anywhere makes me so sad. if possible could i request something mega angsty with her 🧍🏻‍♀️ i love angst but i know not a lot of people do so totally okay if you don't want to take this one! (if you take on this request it does not have to be dbd related)

Thank you!!! She def deserves more fic- I love her so much and think she’s such an interesting character to explore.

Quick question for all y’all: do you think it’s more interesting when Amanda’s s/o is also a Jigsaw apprentice or when they don’t know about Amanda’s involvement in the murders? I can’t decide which intrigues me more!

also taking this moment to plug my amanda playlist again

last night.

Amanda Young x Reader | warnings: character death | word count: 1077

“Hey, can we talk?”

Amanda slammed the drawer she’d been rummaging in, tossing the first-aid supplies on the counter. She hadn’t heard you, opening another drawer and starting to shift through its contents.

You’d only realized that she was in your apartment when you’d heard your front door slam shut. Though at first you had thought it was someone coming to kill or kidnap you, but when you’d crept into the living space, the kitchen light was on and Amanda was standing in front of your junk drawers, clearly out of it.

“Amanda!” You say, louder than you’d have liked for this time of night. But it got her to finally look up at you, her eyes wide and frantic. It took her a moment to recognize you, bringing her mind back to the present moment and away from whatever she had been preoccupied with.

You take a moment to really look at her, how different she was from the last time you saw her. Something had clearly happened, and you feared the worst. Amanda was no stranger to relapse, but every time you thought about her falling back into her dangerous habits your heart broke. Seeing her frantically searching for something in your kitchen when you’d been presumed asleep didn’t help your suspicion.

You didn’t know which was worse: her trying to find valuables to pawn for drugs or something to numb the pain and distract her from her cravings. Neither of which were going to be in your kitchen drawers, most of them filled with random wires, take-out menus, and batteries.

“I’m worried about you. I rarely see you anymore, and you seem... really unlike yourself.” You move towards her, and you notice just how tired she looks. Her hair is messily tied back into a ponytail, strands hanging out and sticking to her face with oil and sweat. The bags under her eyes are prominent, her eyes hazy and somewhere else. In short, she looks like she’s been having the roughest day possible.

“I’m fine.” Even her voice is tired, flat and grating on her vocal chords.

“You clearly aren’t.” You place a hand on her arm, relieved when she doesn’t throw it off. “You can talk to me, you know. I’m always here for you.”

For a moment, she relaxes at your touch, before she catches sight of the supplies she’d thrown on the counter. It seems to set her off again, and she yanks her arm back before throwing open the next drawer.

“Do you have any anesthesia?” She doesn’t even look up at you as she asks, as if it was the most common question in the world to be asked at 1:00 AM in your dinky kitchen.

“What?” That was not what you were expecting.

“I said, do you have any anesthesia?” She looks up at you now, her jaw clenched. But she’s on the verge of tears, something that she’s obviously trying to hide. But things like that don’t escape your notice, not when it comes to Amanda.

“No, of course not. Amanda, what the hell is going on?”

“If you’re not going to help me, then shut the fuck up and go away.”

All you can think is that you need to diffuse the situation, and try to keep her with you and not out in the world doing who-knows-what.

“Okay, but you’re in my apartment. I don’t just have medical supplies hidden away in my kitchen.”

“God! Are you always this annoying?”

Ouch.

“I just wanted to help.” You say, stung by her harsh words.

“Well, you’re doing a shit job of it.” The slam of the drawer makes you jump, unnaturally loud in the quiet night. But you barely even hear it, her words echoing in your mind. She snatches the few supplies she had been able to find- mainly gauze- and sweeps out of the room and apartment without even a second glance back at you, leaving you confused and hurt. But more than that, you were scared for her and worried about whatever she had gotten herself into.

___

You stared at the tiny cubby that had been Amanda’s bed. The place smelled awful, and it broke your heart to think of her spending her time here when she could have been with you.

The investigators had taken everything that was of any legal worth, leaving behind what they deemed to be useless. But you saw its real worth- drawings and notes, her blankets and clothes. It was all her, the only sign that she had been a living human being.

You’ve replayed your last conversation countless times since it happened, wondering if there was something-anything- you could’ve said to get her to stay. But you knew that her devotion to you was second to her devotion to John- to Jigsaw.

It hurts even more when you think about what he did to her, and how she had somehow convinced herself that it was good and right. You’d never have the opportunity to tell her that she didn’t need a near death experience to learn to appreciate life, what she had needed was rehab and someone who cared about her. Someone who actually cared about her, as she was. Who wanted to help her without giving her more trauma on top of what she had already been through.

Shuffling around the gutted space, ignoring the suspicious stains on the floor and the amount of tools left behind, the razor wires and gears and shards of glass, you think once more on the conversation in your kitchen. If you had known that that would be the last time you spoke to her, that that was her last day on Earth, would you have tried harder to get her to stay? You haven’t forgotten her venomous words or the look in her eyes when she left your apartment, but your newfound understanding of her life brought clarity to the day.

You’d be questioned, more so than you already had been. The Jigsaw murders had shaken your city, and the idea that a survivor of Jigsaw became his closest accomplice would only further rattle it. But you couldn’t bring yourself to care about that, or the fact that you might somehow be implicated due to your association with Amanda.

All you could bring yourself to do was grab one of her blankets and some of the papers off her wall and head home, your mind silent.

#amanda young x reader #amanda young #saw #saw fanfic #request #ask #anon #oneshot #my writing #slasher x reader #horror x reader #saw x reader #in this house we hate john kramer

[zabiume]

Not to sound demanding but I'd really love it if you'd write something with a prompt about ichigo and orihime breaking up and then getting back together 😀

You know, it's funny you asked for this because I'd been contemplating writing one for the longest time ever but didn't do it because I couldn't fathom a post-TYBW, mature IchiHime breaking up, considering they generally do tend to resolve their conflicts pretty quickly now, but I loved the intrigue of this and I hope I didn't butcher anyone's characterization here (even though I feel like I did).

Warning(s) for discussions of trauma, depression, self-loathing, and explicit content. Rated 'M' for adult themes.

Read on AO3/ff.net

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(part i)

In the end, it was Orihime who decided to end things—a fact that surprised almost every friend and ally they’d ever made in the seven years they’d known each other, the five months after, when they had first started dating.

Those first five months had been nothing but warm. Even at their clumsiest moments—the thick uncertainty in the air when Ichigo had reached for a hand but grabbed air, or Orihime had tilted up to his mouth and met his chin—it had never been uncomfortable.

It was simply the consequence of being, of learning each other in ways they hadn’t allowed themselves to before when they were teenagers. They were young, and they were in love—which, she supposed, was a miracle for two people that had spent most of their childhood chasing after battles they had created for themselves, battles that had been thrust upon them for life, or for pride, whatever side of the coin they’d chosen this time. There was a time and place for most things in their life, and this time, they had decided, was their time to just do, and be and act for a change with no demands or promises for more.

It was in January that Ichigo had come over for a sleepover, the sharp winter air smoothing over them as they watched television.

“Do you think animals go to Soul Society when they die?” she murmured into his thigh, her hair splayed all over his lap as they watched a pack of lionesses chase a gazelle on cable.

Ichigo’s thumb paused from where it was rubbing lazy circles over her ear. “Dunno.” Then, “I saw a gecko once in Hueco Mundo.”

“A gecko?” She smiled.

“Yeah. One of those lizard things. Y’know. The one that looks a little bit like Ishida.”

She covered her mouth to keep a laugh from spilling out. “I’m telling him you said that.”

“I’ll tell him you laughed.”

She could hear the smile in his voice despite the nonchalance and suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to see it, twisting in place until she was on her back, his knee digging into her love handles.

"Come here," he whispered, eyes dark and full of intent when they settled on hers, and Orihime knew what he was going to do before he did it. She propped herself up with one palm on his knee and used the other to touch his cheek, looking into his eyes and hoping to convey everything she couldn't say. When he kissed her softly, so softly it ached, she might as well have been floating. It was such a wonderful intimacy, so simple and earnest that it filled her chest with joy—joy she had never thought she would get to experience again after that night she had said goodbye to him, all those many years ago.

“You’re so forward, Ichigo-kun,” she chided lightly when they parted, shifting to bury her head in his shoulder.

He snorted, but brought his hand up to rest on her back. It was warm. Safe. That was the part about this she loved best, she thought, watching the tv again, letting her mind drift.

Her first night in Hueco Mundo, she’d stayed up for so long, flinching at every passing shadow under the doorway, wondering for hours what they’d do to her; whether they’d kill her, or something worse entirely, her heartbeat fierce in her throat when they’d made her change into uniform right there, right in front of Ulquiorra and his blank, unfeeling stare. She knew now that that was the last thing he had wanted from her, but there were no words to describe how unsafe she felt back then. How afraid.

The little gazelle, now surrounded on all sides by the pack of snarling lionesses, began to tremble on her little legs but challenged them all with a fierce gaze. Ichigo yawned. Orihime felt something cold lodge in her throat, fingers digging into her arms on either side. The gazelle cowered. She was powerless; they would devour her for that alone.

“Something wrong?” Ichigo frowned.

“Can you change the channel please?” she asked tearfully, shying away from the screen and into his shoulder. She knew she was being irrational, but her hands were frigid and her heart had already welled up to her throat.

Ichigo was quiet for a moment. Orihime bit her lip, feeling small and tense when his body left hers to fumble around for the remote. When he returned to her side, his eyes were kind. “Let's watch Laugh Hour instead.”

She nodded, her chest filling with warmth when he tugged her back in place with a tight side hug, chin firmly planted on her head.

They stayed that way until the end of the program.

…

In the morning, she had felt ashamed of herself for reacting like that and apologized to Ichigo, who shook his head firmly and told her not to worry about it. His eyes had blazed in that familiar way—the way he got when they talked about Hueco Mundo, or rather, what they didn’t talk about Hueco Mundo, but said nothing. Ichigo knew the gist of it, but there were parts she kept secret because she knew he would blame himself, no matter how long it had been or how much stronger she had gotten since, and that was not something she wanted. She was different now—they were different now. The one thing she knew for sure was that she never wanted to stare after his retreating back ever again.

At the time, she could've sworn that was a one-off. But it wasn't. She felt feverish, like she'd been hollowed out. Though Ichigo had been nothing but normal towards her since that night, she felt something within her start to shrivel. She held back from reaching out to him, convinced she was growing far too dependent. Clingy. She began to wonder when he’d start feeling tired of her—when she would become more of an obligation and less of...whatever she was to him now. Orihime trusted him to be honest with her mostly, but the nagging voice in her head was insistent. After all, most people who got together as young as her and Ichigo did didn't stay together long. The magic would wear off soon and he’d see her for exactly who she was.

Useless. Weak. A burden.

She felt hollowed out.

...

Eventually, it was the smallest thing that set her off. They’d been having dinner, Orihime and his family, and Ichigo had made a little joke about her banana balsamic smoothies that burned the tips of her ears. It wasn’t even that; it was what Isshin said after that really, truly filled her with dread.

“You’ll have acquired a taste for it by the time you’re married, my boy!”

Ichigo had groaned at the double entendre, Isshin had positively beamed and Orihime—

Orihime was quiet the entire car ride home.

It was over. It had to be, for his own sake. She didn’t mind being lonely, but the last thing she wanted to do was hold him back. Though her head was in the clouds, her feet were rather firm on the ground and she knew, while she would always be in love with Ichigo, she didn’t have to tie him down. She had been selfish for wanting this, for not giving it up sooner.

Ichigo shot her a small glance from the corner of his eye. “Orihime, are you okay?”

She took a big, deep breath, knowing it was over. That she had ruined things for good with him.

“I want to break up,” she whispered, and that was the end of it.

…

The retreating winter rain held on all through February.

"I watched him die, you know. It was the worst day of my life," Orihime murmured, hearing Tatsuki's breath catch with the admission. "And I told myself, never again—I will never let him walk away from a fight injured ever again. I'll get stronger so I don't have to be a burden to him. And I did." She turned on her side, eyes brimming with tears. "So why is this happening again? Why do I feel like this, Tatsuki-chan?"

"Orihime." Tatsuki sighed gently, pulling the covers over them both. She'd seen this before, among students who'd broken a bone or been benched after a debilitating injury. They always thought they'd gotten better. They did get better. But that didn't mean the traces of the past didn't still linger in their deepest fears. Trauma didn't work that way. Trauma didn't care about how you were doing today, all it cared about was throwing your failures from yesterday right back in your face. And for someone who hated herself as much as Orihime did, it was a roadblock that told her she didn't deserve the life she had today.

"You're relapsing, honey. What happened to you over there wasn't your fault. You were scared and sixteen. You only think you could have done something now because you're older and stronger and more mature, but that girl? The girl that got kidnapped and tortured the way she did? You have to forgive her for not knowing any better."

Orihime said nothing.

Tatsuki sighed again. Orihime could be stubborn as a rock when she wanted to be. "I'm sure Ichigo would tell you the same thing if you hadn't broken up with him." She paused. "That's why you broke up with him, didn't you? You didn't want to hear it. Idiot."

"I didn't want him to blame himself."

"He does do that," Tatsuki admitted slowly, "but you two are all grown-up now. He's not the same boy he was when he met you, and you aren't the same girl. Don't you think you two have been through enough together for something as small as this to get in the way?"

Orihime sniffed. "I don't know."

Tatsuki pat her head. "You'll figure it out. I know you will."

…

The weeks leading up to April were probably the worst of it. Ichigo spent days drifting sleeplessly, wondering where he had gone so wrong at this, why he’d been unable to fix it. He knew he could be obtuse—had been told as much by everyone—but the failure of it dug deep now because they might as well have been right.

Even now, two months after the break-up, he still couldn’t find it in him to regret the time they had spent together, roaming around town aimlessly, laughing, holding hands, making love. The way she’d lean over and kiss the corner of his mouth so sweetly sometimes for no reason at all or call him, simply because she remembered him.

That day in his car, he’d begged her to talk, to tell him what he’d done and how he could fix it.

“Was it Dad? Did he say something to offend you?” he demanded desperately, feeling his heart seize at her downcast eyes. She was pale, and her eyes were red, but her mouth was firm, like she’d already convinced herself that whatever it was, it was bad. “Orihime. Say something.”

“No,” she whispered tearfully. “I just feel sick.”

“Of me?”

“No.”

She’d stared at her nails but she hadn’t said anything else.

A part of him craved her so much, hoping they’d run into each other somewhere or she’d call him, just so he could hear her voice. It wasn’t even about being together—not all of it. Mostly, he just wanted to know if she was okay, if she was eating well and passing her courses and if, when she went to bed at night, she had someone to smile about.

“I don’t know how you did it for forty years,” Ichigo grumbled, when he dragged himself out of bed to meet with Renji one day. “I felt like throwing rocks at her apartment window after four days so she would just talk to me, even just to tell me to fuck off.”

“Give her space,” Renji said patiently. “Maybe talking to you isn’t what she needs right now, and, knowing you, you’re probably beating yourself up about it—which is stupid as hell, by the way.”

“Then what do you want me to do?” Ichigo demanded. “She broke up with me.” She was sick, in her own words, and she wanted Ichigo to do nothing about it but walk.

Renji blew out a big breath. “She’s probably hurting as much as you are.” At Ichigo’s dubious look, he shook his head. “Take it from me, Ichigo, it takes a lot out of your sails to let go of someone you’ve loved forever if you think they’ve got a shot at something better.”

“Being with her is better for me,” Ichigo snapped. ”How could she think any differently, after everything we’ve been through?”

“How would she know that if you two didn’t spend any time apart?” Renji insisted, nudging his shoulder. “Give her time. You’re both young, you’ve still got a lot of learning to do…”

“...Just don’t wait for forty years and two wars for that to happen, alright?”

(part ii)

Weeks pass, and Orihime does her best to rebuild herself again, fielding concerned texts from Uryu and Chad politely, pleading with Rukia not to kick Ichigo out of doors and windows for something that was of no fault of his.

Ultimately, the first time she ends up seeing him after the break-up, it's at Chad’s birthday party. She knew she would before she got here, and it's probably why she's tipsy the way she is, but it doesn't stop her from stealing a peek at him where he's leaned against the door, talking to Mizuro.

It doesn't take him long to spot her, even with a sparse crowd between them, and when his mouth edges up in an uncertain smile, she feels her heart start to flutter. He's just as handsome as he was two months ago, high cheekbones, sharp hair that's trimmed maybe two inches shorter up his neck. He's already abandoned Mizuro in a bid to make his way up to her and the air feels electric with possibility.

"I'll make myself scarce then," Orihime barely hears Tatsuki say as he gets there, only two feet in front of her. All breath leaves her in a short rush. It both feels like too long and no time at all.

"Hey," Ichigo says softly, his eyes taking her in from head to toe until his gaze alone is enough to induce a fever under her skin. "How've you been?"

"F-fine," she lies, and they both catch it, faint and uncertain.

Ichigo takes one glance back at the kitchen, where most of their friends are, before fixing his intent gaze on her again. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"

...

The zipper on Ichigo's jeans keeps digging into her inner thigh, but Orihime isn't about to stop him any time soon.

"Ichigo," she gasps, tugging the short ends of his hair with blunt fingernails. Her skirt is askew, and his hands are on her underwear, and she can't breathe—he keeps bucking into her, pushing her against the wall like he can't stay away from her for too long without snapping back. Her hands push at his jacket, urging him to shrug it off frustratedly.

"Not here," he mutters against her lips, one hand distractedly fumbling against the wall to find a light switch. "I'll take you to bed."

They're at his apartment and he's holding her up with his body, his firm biceps tensing under her fingers like it hasn't been two whole months since the last time they did this.

"I missed you," she confesses weakly, and when he groans into the kiss, she can feel it thrum in the back of her throat. She needs him now and she needs him hard, as if to make up for all the times she spent remembering him with nothing but her hand between her legs. Whatever comes by later, that's for them to deal with later.

"I can't find the light switch," he mumbles, and he pulls away just long enough for her to catch her lipstick stains on his mouth.

They give up on it and collapse back onto the floor.

…

Later, with her head on his chest and his fingers trailing down the soft line of her spine, she feels content in a way she hasn't been in months. When they finished, he told her he missed her too and that's something she's been thinking about since.

"Orihime," he says gently, his mouth warm against her ear. "Can we talk about it?"

Orihime lifts her head, and digs her chin into his chest, cheeks still pink from the afterglow. "It?"

"Why we broke up."

Orihime feels her guilt twist sourly into the base of her stomach. She pushes herself up to sit on one watery elbow, eyes not meeting his. "My brain was being bad to me." She felt her breath catch when his hand reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear and suddenly, she wanted to tell him everything, every thought she'd ever had. "I was overthinking too much, and everything that was making me happy started making me sad." When her eyes finally shift up, they're wet. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't want you to settle for someone like me."

Ichigo's eyebrows raise high before relaxing, and he drags her back down until his lips press against her forehead. He lets her press her face into his neck and breathe him in for a few quiet moments.

When he finally speaks again, his eyes are sad. "I didn't settle for you." There’s a cool edge to his voice. "I chose you."

Orihime's eyes widen. "Ichigo—"

"I don't know what I deserve, but I know what I want," he says strongly, "And what I want is you." His eyes finally soften, cheeks burning when their gazes meet. "Don't you want me, too?"

"I do," Orihime says sadly.

He sighs. "Then stop making yourself so damn sad already."

Orihime sniffles through a small giggle, and Ichigo smirks, just a slight tug of his mouth before growing serious again.

"You don't have to go through anything like that alone again," he says firmly, cupping her cheeks to make her look at him. "You have me. We're a team, right?"

Orihime nods, tightening her arms around him, feeling mellow and warm when he hugs her back. They’re almost falling asleep again when she lifts her head up and drags one finger under his jaw. “I’m sorry I wasn’t ready to hear it then.”

He smiles, and he’s almost her Ichigo again—her bright, brilliant and beautiful Ichigo and she can’t help but return it.

“Are you ready to hear it now?”

“Hmm.”

“Good,” he says, “because I’ll keep telling you as many times as you need it."

#i can't tell if this turned out good or bad or too dramatic or not dramatic enough lol #hope you liked it anon! #ichihime #asks #myfic #happy birthday hime! #im sorry i wrote you a sad fic but it ends happy if that counts?

[stefanmikaleson1864]

Shot In the Dark Part Three !

A/N: I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Also this gonna be tagged with a trigger warning for some violence and mentions of a gun 

Y/N POV

My head felt like it weighed a million pounds as I struggled to lift my head up and see where I was. 

I heard two voices talking but I couldn’t tell where they were but they sounded like they were a million miles away. 

I finally got the strength to open up my eyes and see there I was. It looked like I was in an abandoned warehouse. 

It was damp and it smelled there. You were sitting in a chair and your hand and feet were tied together. 

Your natural instinct was to try and free yourself but that wasn’t working. It was on there pretty tight. 

You could feel your heart racing and the adrenaline was taking all of your body. 

Your mind was racing a million miles a minute. I mean what could they want from you ? Why didn’t they just kill you ? What were there plans with you ? 

All the worst case scenarios took over and you thought for sure this was the end. I mean it’s not like the robber would just come in and let you go. 

You thought about all the things you still wanted to do with your life and the opportunities you never got to take. Most of all you just wanted to see Jubal one last time. 

You were worried about him. The stress couldn’t have been good for him and you were worried about how he was dealing with things. He was doing so good you didn’t want him to relapse. 

The yelling was still going on and you tried to calm your thoughts and see what was going on maybe you could hear something that would give you answers to what was going on. 

“Why the hell did you bring them here?” one voice shouted 

“ I couldn’t just leave her there he started calling her and it wouldn’t be that hard for him to find her and then we would be screwed.” the other voice yelled back 

Did this have something to do with Jubal ? Maybe someone he arrested and now there mad and they want revenge. 

Maybe it was someone he worked with or knew personally ?

 But you knew everyone in is life no one personal would do that to you. So the only thought you had is that it was work related. 

One of the guys walked in and you looked up at them.

 They were tall and skinny and dressed in all black with a mask on. The space between his jacket and wrist showed he was white. 

He leaned down and looked at you in the eyes. He took his hand and put it on your face. You tensed up under his touch . 

He started laughing at you then took his hand and put it in your hair twisting it under his hand and the feeling made you sick. 

“ So I guess your wondering what your doing here.”? He asked you 

“Go to hell.” You said not wanting to entertain him 

He took his hand and slapped you in the face hard and it stung bad. You had tears in your eyes and you tried to not let them fall but that didn’t happen. 

“Come on sweetheart you gotta be nice and I’ll tell you why your here and what you can do to be able to stay alive.” the man said 

“What do you want from me.” ? you asked caving in to what he wanted

He took his hand and pulled out a phone and he clicked on something when he turned the phone it made your heart drop into a million little pieces. 

It was a picture of Jubal which made your earlier predictions correct; this was work related. 

“You know who this is don’t you.” he said in a laughing cold manner 

“Screw you” you said 

He started laughing in this cold laugh that made your skin crawl. He got up from facing you and started walking around 

“You know what he did he killed someone I love and now I’m gonna kill someone he loves.” he said and he slowly pulled out a gun out of his waistband and you thought this time was for sure it. 

You closed your eyes and let the tears fall. Jubal was on your mind the whole time and your family and friends. 

You heard the click of the gun. And your heart stopped cold and your whole body clammed up. 

Next thing you know you heard a loud noise and it sounded like someone bust in the room. You felt someone in front of you and you heard them say 

“It’s okay he won’t hurt you.” …

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