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#and we can assume that would continue into early childhood for mom
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@seemoreseymoursbay day 3! OC day
So in the episode 'Bad Tina' Zeke mentions that his dads girlfriend just had a baby, assuming that the dads gf he talks about in early seasons is Cheryl his step mom and that the father of that baby is Zekes dad we can also assume that Zeke has a very young half sibling. And I did go ahead and assume all those things so this is Zekes baby sister Cherish (Cherry for short).
Used the prompt wonder wharf
Im gonna talk some more about her under the cut bc im sure that will devolve into infodumping zeke lore/headcanons and i dont want anyone to get stuck scrolling past a wall of text
Interestingly she's the only oc i have that's part of a different piece of media rather than one of my own projects.
She's a spunky little toddler for sure she's always got tons of energy, she's extremely confident and fearless constantly running off when she sees something that excites her or to ask strangers questions. She has a big sweet tooth but also loves spicy foods, off the top of my head I don't think its been discussed in canon where Zeke is from originally but recently I've been thinking of him and his bio mom as being from louisiana (projection on my part my mom is from louisiana and bc I like Zeke as a chef and the food there is soo good) I love the idea that his mom taught him to cook the local dishes and that he makes them for Cherry. She dresses in a chaotic mix of her own love of bright, clashing rainbow colors and dingey hand-me-downs from Zekes childhood and from their other cousins. I definitely think Zeke has adhd and Cherry does as well.
I tend to draw her/think of her around age 2 1/2- 3 (so when zeke is 16ish) but in canon time she'd still be a newborn. I love the idea of Zeke with a young sibling he's portrayed in the show as being super caring, protective of and loyal to the people be cares about, and good with younger kids all of which read as big brother qualities to me and he's also mentioned wanting siblings hes closer too. (He mentioned having a 44 year old brother in Presto Tina-o but also has said his bio mom was pregnant with him at her prom which is probably just a continuity error with his throway lines but taken at face value makes his dad out to be a gross old creep which is my personal headcanon idk if there's anyone out there who are big fans of Zeke's dad and step mom but my headcanons do not paint them in a nice light so beware of that)
Based on pretty much everything Zeke has ever said about his family I get the impression that the adults in his life are pretty neglectful and irresponsible and definitely not super present (he rarely ever speaks about his dad I hc him having a job that keeps him away from the family most of the time probably something like trucking and Zeke has mentioned Cheryl being an alcoholic I also hc her as much younger than the dad maybe she's a bartender? I definitely see her having a nightlife kind of job also for reference picture her as a redhead with blue eyes and a lot of tattoos that's where cherry gets her eyes and freckles)
I believe with Cherry a lot of parenting responsibilities would be placed on Zeke and while i think he has qualities that are really well suited to that the parentification of an older sibling is not ok and would negatively impact him, I like the idea of him applying for a job at Bob's Burgers bc he needs a more stable way to provide financially than doing odd jobs around town and not only getting a job but also getting a support system and adults who care about him and his sister and their wellbeing. I think Bob would take Zeke under his wing and help him make himself and his education a priority (the belchers helping out with Cherry when they can so he can focus more on school and extra curriculars) and help him get into a culinary school after graduation. Linda would fall completely in love with her (we know how much she loves babies) and basically treat Cherry like she's her own grandbaby. They all babysit her when needed but Louise is her favorite babysitter and maybe person also she really looks up to Louise and likes to imitate her fashion style and the way she speaks, Louise would pretend that this annoys her but not so secretly finds it adorable.
Anyways clearly i could go on and on but ill just cut myself off there hope y'all like her!
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thats-so-weird · 2 months
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Thoughts on So Weird's 25th Anniversary
It's hard to believe So Weird premiered 25 years ago. It feels like we JUST celebrated the 20th anniversary, but then again the pandemic has completely distorted my sense of time.
Maybe it's because I'm in my 30s now or maybe it's because I was fortunate enough to meet the wonderful actress who brought her to life, but I have discovered that I am in my Molly Phillips era and Molly has overthrown Jack as my fav.
I truly have had a different favorite character for different stages of my life and I love how as I grow older, I continue to love this show for different reasons.
Now as the show is 25, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the lost episode Chrysalis and the character Molly Phillips and the content that is on Disney Plus now and the content we were denied. It was such a missed opportunity.
At the time that So Weird was airing, I was 6-8 years old and my dad was struggling with a disease. I remember asking my mom what it was that my dad had that made him have to sleep on the couch or stay in the hospital and her just repeating "He has a disease!" until I stopped. It wasn't until I was adult that I learned he struggled with alcoholism.
At 6-8 years old, all I knew about diseases were that they could be caused by smoking and that they can kill you so I assumed it was related to his cigarette smoking and feared he was going to die. I also knew that he had stopped smoking for 4 years, around the time he and my mom got married. My sister and I are exactly 4 years and 6 days apart. At 6-8 years old I knew basic math and the conclusion that I came to was that having a second kid (me) must have bad so stressful it led him to smoking. I fully believed for my whole childhood that my mere existence was killing my dad by driving him to smoke.
That is some heavy shit to carry as a 7 year old and a whole lotta shit to unpack in therapy as an adult.
And it was all because everyone thought it was in my best interest not to explain things like alcoholism in a way that I could understand because they thought children shouldn't know about such things.
As a latchkey kid, I was raised by television as much as I was raised by my parents and if the execs at Disney would have allowed So Weird to do that issues show they were so afraid of, it could have been lifechanging. Being able to see my favorite characters discuss alcoholism and provide some context that shows and explains what it is in a way a kid could understand would have been so valuable.
But Disney was too afraid to do an issues show.
Earlier this year, I watched the new Goosebumps series on Disney+ and was surprised to see kids openly making fun of one of the moms for being a wino. I'm glad that Disney is no longer afraid to show real life situations in that alcohol is a thing that exists and kids (well, the ones who aren't extremely sheltered like I was) are aware of it. But as happy as I am to see Disney is evolving to include these elements and showing more kid-friendly horror, all I could think of was the missed opportunity they had with So Weird. They could have done so much good with Chrysalis.
One of my favorite things about So Weird as a kid was that I never felt like I was being talked down to.
As an adult, I absolutely love the depth to Molly that a past struggle with alcoholism brings. It indicates just how visceral losing Rick was, how much pain Molly was in that she needed to self-medicate it away and stop feeling feelings because they were too hard. It shows how strong she is as a person for getting her life together since then, being able to do a comeback tour and be the amazing mom we see her as. It humanizes her on such a real level. She's the best portrayal of a tv mom because she very much is a MOM-- she doesn't try to be best friends with her kids, but she makes sure they know they can talk to her and go to her for help.
Dealing with my dad's unexpected death in my early 20s (which was surprisingly not due to smoking, or at least not primarily) showed me that my parents are above all else PEOPLE-- with flaws, with struggles, who just did the very best they could with the hand life dealt them. Molly represents that so well and I think it's why I've been drawn to her lately.
25 years of So Weird and I am still finding so much to relate to and gush about with this show.
Forever keeping the faith that one day So Weird's full story will be told, either by graphic novel or reboot.
It is still absolutely timeless.
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mdenvs3000w24 · 3 months
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Am I out of touch (with nature)?
Introduction 
Hello readers and fellow nature lovers! I’ve decided to begin a blog about my personal experiences with and relationship to nature. I assume many of you also have a love of nature (considering you’re exploring niche nature blogs on the internet), and harbor your own personal memories of enjoying our natural world. 
For those of you who are a bit iffy on nature, and prefer keeping a few inches of glass between you and the elements - I hope that by relaying my personal experiences and expressing the enjoyment that I derive from nature, that you may also feel some of that enjoyment, and consider connecting with nature more in your personal life.
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(This is a picture I took on the beach at sunset in New Brunswick a few years ago)
Disconnected
With all that being said, recently I’ve been reflecting on the amount of time I’ve been spending in nature recently, and I came to the realization that I feel a bit disconnected from the natural world on an experiential level. Over the past year or so I haven't been going outside and enjoying nature as much as I used to, even though I love the outdoors. I don’t know exactly why, but I’ve narrowed down a few possible factors. 
First of all, we are in the winter season right now. I don’t know about you, but I always find it so much harder to enjoy nature during the winter. The snow coating the trees and landscape is beautiful, but it still feels kinda dead. Everything is still alive of course - everything present in the summer has to survive over the winter somehow. Animals are hibernating, still active, or in the soil below the frostline. Trees are still alive - they’re just dormant. But still. Even though I have all this conceptual head knowledge, I still don’t find as much enjoyment from going outside during the winter, and this reduces the time I spend walking the trails and parks that I normally would in the summer. 
Pandemic
The second major reason for this long term disconnect in my opinion is that I was spending a ton of time outside during the pandemic. With high school ending early and months and years with little to except spend time in nature, I went on innumerable expeditions on my bike to local parks, trails and ponds where I was hanging out with squirrels, birds, frogs, snapping turtles, and even snakes. I spent many hours outside during pandemic times and really connected to nature (while coincidentally disconnecting from the human social world in many ways).
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(Picture of me chilling with one of these aforementioned snake friends)
Back to the present
Don’t get me wrong, I still care for nature and get to learn about it almost every day, I just lack the same personal connection of spending time outdoors that I used to, which I feel is necessary for true connection.
Back to the deep past 
Looking back further at my childhood, I always loved playing outside and being an “outdoorsy” person. As early as I can remember my mom would take me and my brother to the local park which had a small pond inhabited by frogs which I would catch (and release of course) as a kid. I felt so at-home there that I had to be forced to leave eventually so we could see the rest of the park. 
I really attribute a lot of my connection to and exposure to nature at a young age to my mother. She was the primary person who while I was growing up, allowed me to explore the natural world and embrace my innate interest in it.
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(Picture of young me also holding a snake friend but in a less natural setting, to highlight the continuity of my appreciation of all wildlife including snakes from a young age)
Hope You Enjoyed My First Post
Well, that's probably enough personal ramblings for now. I hope you enjoyed reading, and got a little bit of insight into my current and past connection to nature, and the people who first helped me feel a sense of place within it.
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qyuoza · 2 years
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Enchanted — Prologue
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Disclaimer: This series is a work of fiction and all credit goes to J.K Rowling for the main inspiration of this story and I do not own any characters or any of the art used in this work. All credit goes to the original owners.
Pairing(s): Yeonjun x afab!reader, Beomgyu x afab!reader
Genre: Fluff, angst, fantasy + romance
Warnings: Unrequited love, violence, tba.
Synopsis: Pining after your childhood best friend wasn’t exactly what Beomgyu had planned for his 5th year at Hogwarts, but how can she return his feelings when it seems like her heart is strictly reserved for another?
Enchanted Masterlist.
prev. // next.
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It was a new semester at Hogwarts when you met Beomgyu and his friends Hueningkai and Taehyun. All in the same year and ready to learn at the school of witchcraft and wizardry.
You stood confidently on platform 9 ¾ awaiting the Hogwarts Express, which would take you to your new beginning with the rest of the next generation of witches and wizards.
"Goodbye Mom! Goodbye dad! I'll see you then" You bid your parents a goodbye enthusiastically and entered the train early, eager to find a booth by yourself or at least one where you would find a friend, the latter option not really being one you would go for. Finding an empty compartment, you then sat down as the rest of the students had began piling in.
"Excuse me? Is anyone else sitting in this compartment? The rest are full and I can't seem to find anywhere else" A girl your age had asked politely.
"Oh of course not, come in. My name is Hwang Y/n, you are?" The girl sat across from you and smiled. "My name is Kang Eunseo, it's a pleasure to meet you Y/n" you smiled back and nodded in acknowledgment at Eunseo, a new found friend.
"Oh wait! You seem so familiar, do you have a older brother by any chance? Kang Chani?" you piped up, and Eunseo nodded.
"I see you know of my older brother, I'm assuming you have a older brother too? Hwang Hyunjin?" Eunseo replied, and you nodded.
"Yes actually! I guess our brothers are close friends if we know of each other like this" you giggled as Eunseo nodded along well.
As you both continued on with your conversation, a knock had sounded through the booth. "Hi sorry to bother you—" a boy with long black hair that framed his face had suddenly stood in front of your compartment with two others behind him.
"I'll take it from here, so sorry to disturb you both, but all the compartments are full and we've been kicked from ours. I hope you two don't mind if we sit with you?" The other boy with short black hair had asked, and you nodded while grinning as the three boys piled in.
"Thank you so much! My name is Choi Beomgyu by the way, and these are my friends—" Beomgyu had suddenly been interrupted again, which made him pout.
"Kang Taehyun, and this one over here is Hueningkai" the blonde boy, who you presumed to be Hueningkai waved and you waved back. Then you saw Eunseo move over to make space for Taehyun and Hueningkai as Beomgyu had settled in the seat beside you.
"Nice to meet you guys, care to explain why you three have been kicked from your booth?" Eunseo interjected. "It was Malfoy and his friends" Hueningkai said and the other two nodded.
"Malfoy? Drew Malfoy? As in the son of Scorpious Malfoy" You asked and they nodded again.
"I see it runs in the blood to be smug and bully others as always" Eunseo laughed and you smirked at the boy beside you.
"At least you're here now, do you have any siblings at Hogwarts?" You smiled at Beomgyu, and he nodded. "My brother Soobin and my cousin Yeonjun goes to Hogwarts, both are second years since they started around the same time" Beomgyu replied then turned to face Taehyun and Hueningkai.
"I have siblings too, my oldest sister is currently at Hogwarts right now, she's in the same year as Beomgyu's brother, Soobin" Hueningkai chirps. You couldn’t help but giggle at his cuteness before turning to ask Taehyun.
"I have an older sister and brother, my older sister is on her fourth year and my brother in his fifth" Wow they all had siblings as well.
As the time passed and as night fell, you were all finally stopping at Hogwarts, sticking by each other due to the anxiousness.
"I'm so nervous Y/n hold me" Eunseo held your hand and you looked at Beomgyu, Taehyun and Hueningkai beside you.
"Ready?" You smiled at Beomgyu and he nodded smiling back. He couldn’t understand why his heart was racing, then the doors had suddenly opened to reveal the stairs heading into the school, which swept away all the thoughts in his head.
At the great hall, you were all welcomed by Headmistress McGonagall.
"It is a pleasure to welcome young minds alike to Hogwarts, we hope that this school will be most accommodating towards all students, so please do not be scared, you are safe here under the magical care of Hogwarts. Now we shall then get on with the sorting" the most nerve racking and heart racing part among all this.
"First student, Choi Beomgyu!" McGonagall called out, and Beomgyu had stepped out nervously. He sat down as they set the sorting hat upon his head.
"Hmm— Chivalry, bravery, and you have a knack for helping others. Gryffindor!" The sorting hat boomed as everyone clapped, meanwhile Beomgyu had made eye contact with with his brother Soobin who was in hufflepuff.
"Next! Hwang Y/n!" you walked up and sat on the seat as they placed the sorting hat atop your head.
"Ambitious, cunning and resourceful. Slytherin!" All the students clapped as you made your way to the Slytherin table, making eye contact with a boy with raven colored hair and an undercut as you walked past. Then your world had stopped, this was the beginning of a wild ride with the Choi family, specifically Beomgyu and Yeonjun.
© qyuoza 2022 -. no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any manner without the permission from the publisher.
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c0smicfern · 1 year
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today, i find myself thinking a lot about if it could just be high sensitivity that i'm dealing with. to clarify, i definitely am a highly sensitive person, but i'm wondering whether or not that's a complete answer for everything that i'm dealing with & generally what the actual difference is between having autism or being highly sensitive. here are some things i've been considering:
sensory sensitivities. on one hand, i don't seem to have as severe sensory sensitivities as most autistic people seem to have. on the other, somebody yelling (in general, doesn't even need to be directed at me) or having too many people talking around me can cause a meltdown or a shutdown. but then again, these could just be things triggered by a high sensitivity to emotional stimuli, not necessarily sensory stimuli, which would point to me just being an HSP. i struggle to think of other sensitivities that would even qualify. i have a weak sense of smell & awareness of my own balance & where my body exists in space that is exacerbated by stress, but that's really it?? i also enjoy listening to music & smelling things more than the average person as the former helps me regulate & i enjoy the latter bc i don't normally pick up scents very well. these things could point to autism, but they're not the only factors i have to take into account.
early development. i engaged in imaginative play, made eye contact (i assume bc i forgot to ask my mom when i was asking her about this stuff last week), and woke up when i heard my name called at 9mo. i mean, if that isn't a silver bullet for any chance at me being diagnosed with autism, i don't know what is. i was relatively nonverbal for much of my childhood & especially when i started school, but this could be construed as me just being overly shy. in reality, i generally had no idea how to engage in conversation beyond the things that interested me. can that be explained by HSP? is there room for a relative lack of symptoms in early development where an autism diagnosis would be concerned? i don't know.
communication issues. i don't remember when i started having issues with eye contact or if i always have, but i know that i definitely do now as i generally prefer to avoid looking people directly in the eye too much. i just find it to be kind of stressful & disorienting during conversation. i've always sucked at small talk. i mean, it's boring, and i still struggle to think of what to say if i'm not talking about my interests. i also have somewhat inconsistent difficulties with reading social cues as i trend towards interpreting things negatively if there's any room for ambiguity. gestures can confuse me at times as well. i work in a very diverse area, and we oftentimes have customers come in who speak limited english. sometimes, they'll point to something on the menu, and it'll take a second for it to click what they're trying to communicate. after that, figuring what they're actually pointing at can be a struggle as well. i also don't generally use a lot of body language or gestures because it's not really something i think about. on my end, i experience nonperformative facial expressions normally, even if they can appear flat to other people. social smiling, on the other hand, creeps me out even though i've had to be on the receiving end of it my entire life. i also rarely do it back bc my smile either looks flat or unnatural depending on if i'm trying to smile with my teeth or not. i generally experience these things as a physical inability to replicate what other people are "performing" for lack of a better word, though.
monotropism. my mind does often get stuck on things, and i can spend most of my waking life thinking about them. after i've watched a show/movie & if i really liked one of the characters, i'll continually go on yt just to look up specific scenes or lines of dialogue with that character. is this normal fangirling or autism, though? i genuinely don't know. i feel like i also don't experience what i consider my special interests the same way as most other autistic people do because of my issues with executive functioning. i care about writing & being a writer deeply, and i especially love worldbuilding & sussing out the mechanics/concepts i need to build in order for a setting to function & appear how i want it to. i feel like i only do it a few times a week, though, just because i find it incredibly difficult to start tasks or see things through to completion. not exactly the stereotypical vision of autism.
so what have i learned? what is the most accurate theory of mind for me to hold about myself? i can't say. in some ways, i relate to the autistic experience deeply. in other ways, i don't seem to fully meet the diagnostic criteria. could it be inattentive adhd (formerly add) & being an hsp? could it be generalized anxiety & being an hsp? or is it really autism & i don't know, depression? i may not know or learn until i finish the diagnostic process. or i may never know, and that scares me on a level that i can't express.
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dissociacrip · 4 months
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So uh. How does one go about getting tested for Williams syndrome if they weren't tested for it as a baby because like...I have a lot of features (primarily neurological, intellectual, and behavioral, the rest of me aside from fat pockets in my spine and neck is fairly healthy aside from "obesity" but like...I'm fairly healthy) that are indicative of williams syndrome. I read about Williams syndrome in like 7th grade in a book about neurodevelopmental disabilities and music, and one of them was on Williams syndrome, and the way the author described the patients i fit every characteristic BUT the distinct facial features which kinda leads me to assume (medical special interest + slight hypochondriasis from it) that I have some sort of mosaic form of Williams, which isn't the first time I believed I had a disorder I feel like I need to test for but my mom would dismiss bc I'm being a hypochondriac (the other major one is nontypical congenital adrenal hypoplasia, which I have signs of to various degrees, such as obesity, early puberty, a rather blocky, apple shaped body type more typical of...not cis men but rather trans men on t and also a lot of trans women starting on estrogen, and I've had very little, thinning, often greasy hair since puberty, when before it was thick and wavy; think a kind of harry dubois kinda hairstyle with more hair on the scalp thankfully). Idk I just dont know if I should get tested for either two of these things (and I know if I do have ncah it would explain why my periods are so long, heavy, painful and disabling to the point I can't move and I have to take birth control) or if I should just let it go for now since I don't have any severe symptoms such as salt wasting (ncah) or heart disease (Williams syndrome) yet
there's no surefire way of getting dx'd with anything. my first pcp i got after leaving home acted like i was just drawing connections that weren't there when it came to my POTS and generalized joint hypermobility. i didn't rly continue my appointments with her after i was lucky enough that she referred me for a TTT after i sent her a highlighted list of my symptoms and asked for it directly.
i'm also someone who wonders abt smth like NCAH but i doubt i'd ever get evaluated for that and even then. something i said recently said a lot of people display little to no symptoms of it. i have relatively thick body hair, the vaguest hints of hirsutism, a voice that sounds almost pubescent (best i can describe it lol), and enough "masculine" features that people have gotten confused about my gender/called me a man/called me slurs over it on a routine basis since at least 3rd grade (and it had continued into college.) the last time my testosterone levels were measured they were within "normal" ranges for someone who was CAFAB though. that's not nearly as much reasoning as you might have but your best bet there is an endocrinologist. salt-wasting is a risk with CAH rather than NCAH because NCAH centers around reduced cortisol production and increased androgen production and doesn't impact aldosterone as much i think. treatment for NCAH usually centers around androgen levels and period regulation (as you said) in cases where people do have symptoms/need some kind of treatment. could bring up to your doc that you have concerns around hormones and ask for a referral to an endo or something but aside from that, 🤷🏻‍♀️
WS seems like something that usually wouldn't be missed in childhood so long as your mother's pregnancy and your growth and development were routinely (and responsibly) monitored by doctors (bc we know how doctors can be, and also parents). idk anything about WS though or any kind of genetic disorders like that. i would guess anything with a clear genetic marker like that is most accurately dx'd by a geneticist or through genetic testing, which is expensive/highly inaccessible, although apparently WS is usually identified at a young age through its cardiac symptoms. i'm def the wrong person to ask about that.
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skruffie · 2 years
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I did not know my paternal grandmother, Joy. According to what my great-grandma said (and verified by school records) she was born in Las Vegas in 1944 as the 2nd daughter in a family of four, including the surprise uncle we didn’t know about until ancestry DNA revealed him to us. Her half brother was raised by her aunt.
(longer post and images under the cut. Trigger warnings for childhood SA, alcoholism, intergenerational trauma)
This family would have moved around a lot. By 1950 her parents were separated and she was living in Burien, WA with her mom and two sisters. Her youngest was born here (and curiously does not share the surname Jacobs with her two older sisters... not sure if this is family lore that I just uncovered or not!). Her mom remarried a man named Thomas Bennett, who then adopted all the girls. I was sent my grandma’s high school records from when they were living in Seattle and she was about a B and C level student, which I found highly relatable. I found a yearbook photo of her without her glasses and my dad insisted it couldn’t be her because she rarely wanted to be photographed without them. She thought she was ugly without glasses.
However, I confirmed with my grandpa that it was her.
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By age 17 the family had moved again, this time to California. She graduated from Phinneas Banning High School, which is where her future son would also attend.
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In 1962, aged 18, she married my grandpa (aged 20) and my dad was born the year after. She worked at the flagship restaurant for Der Wienerschnitzel around the time it first opened and my dad still has very early childhood memories relating to this. However, the marriage between her and papa was short lived as they divorced in 1966.
Somewhere after that grandma Joy remarried again and had my aunt Joy and uncle Robbie. I don’t know a lot about the nature of her 2nd marriage but I know that she continued to move around a lot and was at one point living in New York. It looks like her 2nd husband also remarried at one point in 1981, so I’m not sure when he and my grandma separated.
 The story of her life as it happened ended on this day in 1979. She died and is buried in Canton, Illinois. I have no idea why she was there because as far as I’m aware we have no family. My mom inelegantly describes what happened as “she drank herself to death”. Grandma Joy’s life was turbulent. She was reportedly sexually abused at the age of nine and with all of the chaos of moving around from state to state and divorce, having what I can only assume is no relationship to her biological father at all, having everything end at age 34.
This whole part of my family tree was the part I thought was going to be lost forever. Her paternal grandma was Angeline, who had survived Fort Shaw residential school. Her father Charles, when registering for the draft for WWII, didn’t bother putting his wife down as next of kin despite the fact he already had one daughter by that point but instead put his half sister down. I’m sure their marriage was a deeply unhappy one. With all of the unresolved trauma trickling down from residential school, divorces, further displacement, I’m not surprised that my grandma turned to alcohol. I just really wish that we knew her better.
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glassesmcfancyhair · 3 years
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Someone who grew up in a culture like Teyla’s would likely have a very efficient and well-known method for carrying infants and keeping your hands free.
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radiant-reid · 2 years
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Reading between the lines
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A/n: From this request...
omg can you write an angst one shot where spencer and reader get into an argument and reader demands space. spencer not know what relationship terms are, assumes they’re breaking up and is just so upset without them
Summary: Spencer’s panicked when he misinterprets a relationship term to mean something terrible.
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (angst but mostly fluff)
Content Warning: abandonment issues |
Word Count: 1.4k
Masterlist
"That's not what I meant!" Spencer argued his loud tone a complete opposite to what it usually was.
The meaning of the idiom, relating to repeating an action or phrase, being 'blue in the face' was appropriate, but Spencer's cheeks were hot.
It was maybe the first proper flight the couple had ever had. And it was right at its peak. Only 15 feet apart, muscles clenched, tears streaming, cheeks bright red, and hearts racing.
It started with not enough sleep, stress, then sarcastic remarks, getting under each other's skin, and finally, the clash.
The cause was Spencer's inability to commit to being Y/n's date to her work dinner. One off-handed comment and it seemed to draw out every other issue they had.
"Well, you said it anyway!" Y/n yelled back. She just wanted one thing. One semi-reasonable thing with Spencer's schedule.
Spencer had never had anyone to commit to. He learned, in early childhood, that his mom, as much as he adored her, wasn't able to commit to him. And his dad didn't want to. Those were the facts he had lived with for so long.
But now he had Y/n, and he was learning all the things books couldn't teach him.
"Y/n..." Spencer started, voice growing quiet. "I don't know what you want from me."
She rolled her eyes, not wanting to hurt him but beyond frustrated. "I want one thing, Spencer! I never ask for anything. I've always understood your job, but it's one night." She continued to complain.
Spencer really didn't know what to say. He was far too inexperienced in relationships to know what to do. More than anything, he didn't want to let her down.
"I-I just can't." Spencer spat out, defeated. He took a seat on the couch. More than anything, he wanted to work it out. "Please." He nodded to the seat next to him, hoping she'd sit down.
Y/n shook her head. "No, Spencer, I need space." She demanded. Swiftly, she turned around to collect her things and walked out the door.
Although he was already crying, Spencer choked out a loud sob. As much as he knew couples broke up, he had always thought he and Y/n wouldn't.
The whole world full of dreams he had built in the last 6 months came crashing down. He couldn't stop crying as he tucked himself into a ball on the couch, wrapping his arms around his legs tightly. He just wanted to be held by someone, Y/n or his mom. But neither of them were there, and now he knew Y/n wasn't coming back.
Spencer wasn't sure things would ever be the same. She had very quickly become everything to him; the first thing he thought about when he woke up and went to sleep. She was the first thing that made him feel human in so long.
The tightening in his chest was almost unbearable, heart-pounding, and nauseating.
All of a sudden, he realized he couldn't stay in his apartment. Without thinking about it, he left. Locking the door and going right to the person he knew would provide him with a shoulder to cry on. Penelope Garcia.
"Spencer, sweet boy wonder, what's happened?" Penelope asked frantically after she opened the door. Spencer in tears was an uncommon sight, brought about by something terrible happening.
Spencer sobbed until he was pretty sure he was dehydrated. Penelope had pulled him inside, wrapped him in a blanket on her couch, and brought him chamomile tea in a dinosaur mug.
"What's wrong?" She urged again, bothered by everything about the situation.
"Y/n, I-I think we, uh... broke up," Spencer announced in between hiccups. He only sobbed louder once he'd said it out loud. Forming the words Y/n hadn't said made it all real.
Penelope's eyes widened, unsure of how that could be possible. "How?" She questioned, overcome by the shock. She had seen Y/n and Spencer a few days prior, and they were so happy. She'd never seen Spencer smile as wide as he did when he rambled about Y/n, his voice full of love and adoration.
Spencer shrugged, unable to cry anymore. All he wanted was to wake up the next day and have it all be a bad dream. "We were arguing because- it's so stupid." He interrupted himself, holding a palm to his forehead. "I told her I wouldn't come with her to a work thing of hers." He explained, shaking his head as he desperately wished he could take it back. It seemed like such a ridiculous thing for their relationship to end over. "Garcia, why did I do that?" He begged for an answer.
Penelope still didn't believe it, and she didn't want to. "What did she say?"
"That she needed space," Spencer answered, shaking his head.
Penelope's expression changed. Spencer profiled the look on her face as faith. "Just that she needed space?" She asked.
Spencer couldn't understand how their break-up could be sufficiently summarized by 'just.' "Yes?" He questioned, still confused.
"Kiddo." Penelope reached out to touch his arm. "That doesn't mean you broke up."
It took a minute to sink into Spencer's head, slowly letting himself process the information. "We what?"
"You didn't break up." Penelope reinforced the good news.
"I don't understand," Spencer replied, his nose slightly scrunching.
Penelope watched the innocence in his eyes, giving way to hope. "In relationship talk." She started, preparing to teach him an important lesson. "Space only means she wants to think about it."
Spencer's face changed as she figure out what he meant, and it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. "So I can fix this?" He wondered.
"Absolutely." Penelope nodded with a wide grin. "Just go get some flowers, apologize and agree to go with her." She instructed, feeling as though she were playing cupid.
He nodded, feeling the sense of urgency. "Thank you, Penelope." He left with those three last words, flying down the stairs leading to her apartment.
He'd never moved as fast as he did, making his way to the florist. Why it was open so late at night, he didn't know, but he was grateful.
There wasn't a single emotion he felt until he knocked on the door. Then the fear hit him. Garcia hadn't given him much more instruction. There was no backup plan she'd supplied him with.
It was now or never, and his heart pounded in his chest. It only got louder when Y/n opened the door, eyes puffy. Wordlessly, she moved out of the way, letting him into her apartment. The tiny smile on her face at the sight of the bouquet gave him a glimmer of hope, taking the edge off.
"I'm really sorry, Y/n." Spencer started, awkwardly standing in the middle of the lounge room. "I just... I don't know how to commit to people." He tried to explain, searching for the right words. Clearing his throat before he continued. "Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just really not good at this." He confessed, staring down at the floor, moving the flowers around in his hand.
Y/n shook her head, stepping forward so she was only a few feet away from him. She took the flowers from him, placing them on the bench before holding his hands.
"Sorry, they're really sweaty." Spencer apologized, chuckling through the few tears he was crying.
Y/n giggled lightly at him. "You're not bad at this, Spencer." She assured him. "I know that you're trying so hard, and I really appreciate it. I'm sorry as well." She apologized softly. "It just meant a lot to me."
"So we're good, we don't need any more space?" He clarified. Y/n nodded, letting go of his hands in favor of looping her arms around his neck and hugging him. Spencer let his open palms travel to her back as he held her close to him.
Y/n pulled away first, holding his jaw with her fingertips as she leaned in to kiss him. Finally, Spencer felt like everything was back to being right.
When she pulled away, looking deeply into his eyes, Spencer dove back in for another kiss. Then another. Until she had to remove his hands from her waist.
"I'll be at the dinner. And anywhere else you need me to be. Always." Spencer assured her, feeling more grateful and luckier than he had ever felt before.
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the-atlas-sister · 3 years
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The First Date (Damian Wayne X Reader)
So in this, you are the daughter of Green Arrow, Oliver Queen (NOT THE ARROW VERSION!! THE ANIMATED AND COMIC VERSION), and Black Canary, Dinah Lance. Also in this Dinah is dead and you have taken on the role of Black Canary
"Done!" Abby (moi!!!) exclaimed, tying the hair tie in my hair. "Aw, you look so good!" She backed up, admiring her work.
I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, smiling slightly. "I mean, I usually look beautiful but now I look even more beautiful," I joked.
"I know," Abby said, making me chuckle.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. "What time is it?" I asked.
"Six on the dot," Abby said, looking impressed. "Wow."
"It is Damian," I shrugged before my eyes widened. "I'm going on a date with Damian Wayne."
"Chill," y/b/f said, noticing my panic. "You asked him out, remember?"
"But-"
"Hey Damian," y/b/f said from the living room.
I looked at Abby, a panicked expression on my face. "You're okay," she whispered before leading me out of the bathroom.
Damian looked at me before mumbling something in Arabic. I was rusty when it came to other languages but I thought I caught "Beautiful..." which was enough to make my entire face turn red.
"Hey," I said, putting on a confident face. "You look good." My eyes scanned him. He wore a pair of nice black jeans and a matching skin-tight turtle-neck.
"You look..." His eyes scanned me.
"Gorgeous? Beautiful? Sexy?" I guessed, smirking at Damian blushed.
"Yes," Damian said, making me blush.
"Okay... well," Abby said, pushing me forward. "You two have fun," she said as I slipped on my shoes. "But not too much fun." She eyeballed Damian in a very best friend way. "And have her back by 10."
"And be safe!" Myloh added.
"Bye guys," I said, quickly ushering Damian out the door before closing it. "Sorry."
"I had a similar conversation with my brothers before I left," Damian said before cringing slightly. "Although it was a bit more-"
"I don't want to know," I said, shaking my head. "So, what do you have planned, Mr. Wayne?" I asked, walking down the apartment hallway.
"That's a surprise," Damian said with a stoic face.
"Not a huge fan of surprises," I said as we reached the elevator.
"You'll like this one," Damian stated matter-of-factly, pressing the button to the last level.
"Is that a fact?" I challenged as the elevator lowered.
"Yes," Damian stated, making me tilt my head. "I did some research and I'm sure you'll enjoy this."
"I don't know if that was meant to be sweet but it came off as creepy," I chuckled, leaning on the elevator wall.
"I just meant- I asked Abby what you're interested in," Damian explained, slowly going pink.
"What'd she say?" I asked, both worried and curious.
"She explained your love of movies, books, the stars, and food," Damian stated as the doors slid open.
"So, which did you choose?" I questioned, walking backward out of the elevator.
"Still a surprise," Damian smirked, following me.
"Mhm, game on Mr. Wayne," I said, turning around and walking out the apartment building's front doors. My eyes widened a bit as I saw Damian's motorcycle parked in front of the building. "Seriously?" I asked, looking at him as he stood next to me.
"Complaining?" he asked, looking at me sideways.
"Not as long as I get to drive," I chuckled, approaching the motorcycle.
"No," Damian said, standing next to me. He grabbed one of the helmets before handing me the second one.
"I know how," I frowned.
"No," Damian repeated before blinking. "Strange, that felt familiar." He then shook his head before getting on the bike. "Come on," he said looking at me. I rolled my eyes but climbed on the bike behind him. "Hold on," he said before putting on his helmet.
"You sure you don't want to drive as a way to get me to hold on to you?" I teased, resting my head on Damian's shoulder. Damian tensed up, making me chuckle. "I was kidding," I reassured him, putting on the helmet and grabbing his shoulders.
Damian cleared his throat. "I-I respect you, but for your own safety, I suggest you put your arms around my waist."
I blushed, wrapping my arms around his waist. Damian started the bike and drove out of his parking spot. My grip tightened as Damian sped up and we reached the highway. I grinned under the helmet as the adrenaline rushed through me due to the speed.
***
"You have to take me on your motorcycle more often," I said, letting out a breathy laugh and taking off my helmet.
"It's not really mine," Damian corrected, taking off his helmet and getting off the bike.
"But with Promythous-" I furrowed my brows, placing the helmet on the bike's seat.
"That was Robin's bike," Damian explained, leading me to the secret destination. He had parked a block away from the surprise place, just to keep the secrecy. "Damian Wayne does not have a motorcycle."
"Who's-" I continued, getting into pace next to Damian.
"My brother's," he shrugged with a small smug smile.
"You stole your brother's motorcycle?" I asked, laughing slightly.
"He told me, women love men with motorcycles," Damian said. "So I took that as an invitation for me to 'borrow' his." He smirked to himself at the thought. "Also, my other brother said I should. I'm not one to listen to him but, I did enjoy the idea of stealing Jason's bike." I smiled at his mini-rant. He seemed to notice. "I'm sorry for oversharing," he said, his face returning to it's neutral state.
"No, it's fine," I reassured him as we turned a corner. "It's nice hearing you talk more."
Damian blinked, obviously surprised by my answer. "What... would you like to talk about?" he asked slowly.
"You," I said. "I don't know much about you."
"O-oh," Damian stuttered, which was a rare sound. "I grew up with the League of Assassins."
"The group your father trained with?" I asked, interested to learn more. "Lead by Ra AlGugl?"
"My grandfather," Damian confirmed. "When my father was training, he met my mother. She- she tricked him into having... intercourse with her. That's how I was created. My father left before I was born and I was raised by my grandfather and mother. I was trained from birth to be the master assassin. I was supposed to be the best. There was no room for error."
"That doesn't sound like a fun childhood," I said.
"I suppose not," Damian hummed. "I loved my grandfather very much, or more admired him. He told me we would destroy the world and rebuild it in our own image." He scanned our surroundings, almost as if he was imagining how he could make each detail superior.
"That's still partly your mindset isn't it?" I asked, making Damian's gaze turn to me. "You see the world and people and just imagine how you can make them better." Damian blinked. "You even yourself believe you're better than everyone. You think you'll be a better Batman, a better hero."
"I don't-"
"I'm not critiquing, just observing," I stated. I blushed under Damian's intense stare. "I-I interrupted, I'm sorry. What about your mother?"
"She's dead," Damian said.
"Oh," I said.
"She wasn't a mother anyway," Damian continued. "Last I saw her she tried to create an adult 'perfect' clone of me and killed him."
"And I thought my dad was hardcore," I mumbled. "How did she...?"
"Helicopter crashed after trying to kill me, my father, and Grayson," Damian said almost casually.
My eyes widened. "You didn't deserve it," I said as we turned yet another corner. Damian turned to me. "You deserved a loving childhood. Not one with a group of assassins and Batman."
Damian's eyes softened. "I did get, what you call, a loving childhood with my father," he said. "He would set up movie nights. And my brothers are... overly loving, at least Grayson."
"He's Nightwing, right?" I asked, grinning a bit. Damian nodded. "I've met him. He has a bit of an older brother feel. And I'm sure he understands how hard it is to grow up with someone like Bruce."
"He has made it very clear he does," Damian scoffed. "As had Todd." I gave him a questioning look. "Red Hood."
"Oh, never met him," I mumbled.
We walked in comfortable silence for a minute.
"Here," Damian said, stopping in front of a small and quaint ice cream shop.
"Ice cream?" I asked, giving him a lopsided grin. "On Friday."
"You said you and your mother used to always had ice cream on Fridays," Damian said shyly.
I let out a small laugh. "You- this is really sweet," I said, a bit surprised. I remembered when I told him that detail about my childhood.
***Flashback***
"Tell me more about your mother," Damian said after a while of silence. "I assume she's where you got your power?"
"Yeah," I said quietly, looking up at the ceiling. "She was- awesome. She was the first Black Canary. Trained in thousands of martial art styles."
"You're telling me things I already know," Damian stated, making me look at him.
"She was a pretty cool mom," I chuckled, crossing my legs on the bed. "She couldn't cook though. That was something she wasn't taught. She'd always make time for us to have an ice cream night. Every Friday." I smiled at the memory. "Sometimes she'd come back from patrol at midnight then wake me up, just so we could still eat ice cream."
"Do you still do it?" Damian questioned, turning to face me fully. "With your father?"
"Not usually," I stated, trying not to sound bitter. "He's usually busy with the Justice League and his company."
"How did she die?" Damian asked softly, making me go stiff.
"I was thirteen," I recited. "She and my dad went to face Prometheus. It was just in the early stages of my training-at least for the Canary cry, so I wasn't allowed to go. I- I remember my dad calling the house. He told me he'd be home soon, but something happened to Mom. Apparently, Prometheus slit her throat. She didn't want anyone to find out her identity so she insisted that only Martian Manhunter or Batman operated on her."
"But it was too late," Damian assumed. I nodded.
"Dad and I hardly even spoke after that," I sighed. "It hit us both- hard, but after a year, we got through it. He's still protective though."
"What about your powers?"
"I don't use them," I stated. "My mom died before we got far in training."
"Why don't you continue?" Damian asked. "I assume the league would be open to help or your friends."
"I can't," I sighed. "My vocal cords are too old."
"That sounds like an excuse," Damian stated. "I was unaware you were a quitter, Queen."
***End of flashback***
"I just figured you'd enjoy it," Damian shrugged, turning his head to the side to hide his smile.
"I do," I chuckled. "Although this is very cliche."
"I have seen as such in many of the movies Grayson forced me to watch," Damian admitted.
"Thank you, Damian," I smiled before rushing towards the outside counter, Damian following. "Hello!" I said to the person at the counter.
"Hello," the person said. She was a pretty girl, seemingly teen age with flawless makeup. She looked like she belonged at Dutch Brothers.
"I would like two scoops of y/f/i.c (your favirote ice cream) in a cup, please," I said before turning to Damian.
"Awesome," the girl said. "And you?"
Damian glanced at me. "None for me," he answered.
"You're not going to get anything?" I asked.
"I've never had ice cream," Damian admitted.
"Never?" I asked in shock.
"No," Damian said, his face showing me he didn't understand the problem. I scanned his face before turning to the girl.
"He'll have one scoop of almond in a cup," I stated.
"Alright," the girl smiled. "Be right with you."
"I said I didn't want any," Damian said, looking at me.
"You've never had it and you can't just sit there watching me eat," I protested. "Plus, I think you'll like it."
"Why is that?" Damian challenged.
"I'm an observer of people and you seem like an almond guy," I summarized.
"Explain your thinking Miss Queen," Damian said.
"Well, almond is more of a traditional Arabic ice cream flavor (please correct me if I'm wrong, I got this off the internet), and knowing you, you prefer salty and savory over sweet," I explained before leaning back and spreading my hands like I was presenting an amazing discovery.
"We shall see," Damian just said.
"Here," the girl chimed in, interrupting our discussion. She handed us our ice cream.
"Thank you," I said. I placed my ice cream on the counter before pulling out my wallet, but Damian had already paid. "I was going to pay," I said as he handed me my ice cream.
"It's proper etiquette for the man to pay," Damian said, leading me away from the ice cream shop.
"But it's not required," I chuckled. "Besides, we're both the children of billionaires." Damian didn't answer as he led me to a small park beside the shop. "I'll just pay next time."
"Next time?" Damian asked, stopping in front of a blanket with a projector on it.
"Yeah," I smirked. "If I haven't scared you away."
"Not at all," Damian said, sitting on the blanket. He motioned for me to sit down and I obliged.
"Try the ice cream," I said excitedly. Damian glanced at the tan-colored ice cream before taking a scoop and eating it. I stared at him, waiting for some type of reaction. His eyes widened before he took another scoop. "I told you!" I smirked.
"Coincidence," Damian scoffed but took more bites.
"Mhm," I hummed, leaning back on my free hand. I looked around, noticing a screen across from the projector. "You set this up?"
"Pennyworth did," Damian corrected. "Although I choose the film."
"Oh really?" I asked. "What'd you choose?"
"y/f/a/m (your favirote animated movie)," Damian stated. My face lit up. "Abby told me it was your favorite. Although I don't understand how or why a film made for children would be your favorite."
"You've never seen it have you?" I asked. Damian shook his head. "Then you'll figure out that it's not really a children's film. And you'll discover the superior soundtrack."
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makeste · 3 years
Text
BnHA Chapter 302: As the Todoroki Turns
Previously on BnHA: 
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Today on BnHA: We have a very fun chapter in which (1) Shouto grows up lonely on account of his parents being worried that his siblings will literally try to kill him, (2) Natsu and Fuyu grow up neglected on account of not being special and/or self-destructive enough to attract attention, (3) we get to revisit all of that exciting spousal abuse from chapter 39, and (4) Touya burns to death right on cue, pretty much exactly like we expected it to happen. Thankfully since this is a shounen manga, Horikoshi finds some hope in all this misery as the Todoroki family rallies together, with Shouto getting his long-overdue credit for being a perfect sweet angel who put up with all of this shit for sixteen years and somehow came out of it strong and kind and empathetic and determined. Anyway, so that flashback was a barrel of laughs. But now that it’s over, we can put all of that angst behind us, and move on to... well I guess, probably, more angst. Look, we’re short on variety at the moment. Bear with it.
ouch. we knew this was coming, but still
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A+ parenting move there. “ho boy, our eldest just tried to murder our youngest, now what? hmm how about we isolate our youngest from all human contact”
though in their defense, we probably shouldn’t have expected this rabidly strength-obsessed fire man and his wife who was groomed since childhood to obey her family’s whims to have any idea of how to raise stable, well-adjusted offspring
SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS
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this is a perfect example of Enji’s tragically self-revolving viewpoint right here. just because being a hero is your entire world doesn’t mean you can just excuse yourself from anything outside of that and act like it’s out of your control. “alas, all I care about is hero stuff and my son can’t be a hero, we are doomed to inhabit two different worlds” no you jackass, it’s called having more than one hobby?? figuring out how to spend some time with your son that doesn’t involve training?? the same exact thing you were telling him to do last week, while ignoring that you’ve never done that yourself in your life??
that said, yet again we have that complexity though because it’s obvious that Enji at least on some level is aware of his own flaws, even though he seems unwilling or unable to confront them. honestly, from what we’ve seen so far, Enji’s obsession with surpassing All Might might be more accurately called an addiction. he literally can’t let go of it even though he’s fully aware of how it’s slowly destroying his life. and so in the same way that a lifelong smoker or alcoholic might tell their child to stay away from cigarettes and booze, Enji tells Touya not to follow down the same path as him, even though he himself doesn’t know how to leave that path. so yes, it’s hypocritical as fuck, but there’s also an element of helplessness there as well because Enji literally doesn’t know how not to be like this
though all the same he sure could stand to put in more than just a token effort. but it is what it is, and we already know how much he’ll come to regret it
and meanwhile Baby Shouto has frozen his sleep bubble with his quirk lmao. so I guess his quirk did come in early. that’s a recipe for chaos right there
once again Shouto is ruining every single dramatic panel in this flashback
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this was so dark and intense... and then I spotted the lil bubs in the corner. Horikoshi please control yourself
“some hero you are, running away” and then all of a sudden, “FIVE YEARS LATER” lol what. OKAY THEN
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(ETA: love the confirmation that eight-year-old Natsu comes from the Iida school of puberty and is basically a fully grown man, and meanwhile Touya comes from the hobbit school of puberty and has been perpetually eight for the past five years.)
“HEY BIG BRO WANNA COME RECREATE AN ICONIC FLASHBACK SCENE WITH US. WE’VE GOT THE SOCCER BALL RIGHT HERE, BUT HURRY UP OR WE’LL BE TOO LATE FOR SHOUTO TO WALK ON BY AND STOP TO LOOK”
lol and that’s literally the next three panels. but Horikoshi did add this extra bit after Endeavor starts to drag Shouto away
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seriously Enji what the hell did you expect was going to happen here. “Touya went nuts and tried to kill his little brother out of jealousy, so let’s make it clearer than ever that Shouto is the important child and all the other children are just rejects. this will definitely not make the problem 100x worse, and will surely lead to Touya giving up and living a happy life, having been emotionally abandoned by the person he admired more than anyone.” good for you pal you figured it all out. no need for that plan b, “we all just go to therapy”
anyway so he’s telling Shouto he can’t play because he needs more endurance training. and meanwhile Touya’s patented Todoroki Drama Genes are going through puberty as well
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definitely the face of a happy, emotionally stable child who’s not still plotting to murder his younger brother in his sleep
“WELL ACTUALLY MAKESTE” lol I stand corrected??
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apparently during the five year interim Touya actually stopped blaming Shouto and realized Enji was the one at fault. good for him! a bit inconsistent, given what we know happens later, but I assume we’ll get to that in good time
anyway. “yeah man I agree that dad sucks, but it’s the middle of the night and I’m only eight and you’ve been monologuing for the past two hours bro”
LMAO
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the manga is making my jokes for me, only better. fine then
looks like someone’s still miffed about that disagreement he had with his baby sister back when she was like four
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“Fuyu doesn’t get properly riled up like I want her to so ranting to her is annoying.” okay but having been in Fuyu’s shoes, it really is just a different way of coping, and I can guarantee she’s not as fine with the whole situation as Touya might think. but making your peace with something is often a decision that’s made for emotional self-preservation reasons. and I sure as hell don’t fault her for trying to shut out a situation that she had no control over, and trying to make the best of it, and scrape together as normal a childhood as she could manage
and now in Touya’s defense as well, that is of course easier said than done, and I’m sure if there was a “push this button and instantly get over all of the trauma in your life” switch readily available for Touya then he would have pushed it too. unfortunately it’s not always that simple
so now Rei is pleading with Touya not to go train up on his little emo hill again, but it doesn’t seem like much has changed since he was eight
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I don’t think he gives two figs about being a hero; he just wants his father to look at him again with pride. fucking hell, stop doing this to me you damn Todorokis
guh, they keep telling him the same thing over and over again
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even if we hadn’t already known he was gonna go melt his jawbone off soon, I wouldn’t have expected a line like that to go over well
yep. fuck
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that Todoroki puberty angst, though. nothing else quite like it
“you have a part in this too, Mom” ooooooh man
okay but look, he’s not entirely wrong. like, I’m not saying any of this is Rei’s fault at all! she’s in an impossible situation where she’s afraid to stand up to Enji (who by this point has shown that he’s willing to physically attack her if things get too heated, which is terrifying), and doesn’t really have anywhere to turn for support. her parents aren’t helping much if at all, and Japan in general is just a terrible country to be in when you’re in a domestic abuse situation. everyone’s expected to put on a brave face and deal with their problems all on their own in private. Rei is basically completely isolated at this point, and she doesn’t know what else to do, and so she’s just trying to keep the situation as stable as possible for the kids
but on the other hand, “for the kids” is also where that argument starts to break down a bit, because at this point Shouto is also being physically abused by his father, and the other kids are continuing to be neglected (emotionally if not physically), as they have been for years. so the situation really isn’t stable at all for them. and as a kid, what you end up learning in that type of situation is that you can’t rely on either parent. not the abusive one, certainly, but also not the other one who can’t protect you from any of it. even if they love you and they’re trying, they’re just as helpless as you. Rei is struggling to deal with all of this with one hand tied behind her back, and I get it, and I’m not blaming her at all. but all the same, particularly given that she’s (understandably) putting almost all her focus on Shouto, the end result is that the other kids have basically been left to fend for themselves
so yeah! a shitty situation all around. and one of those cases where it’s not really anyone’s fault (aside from Enji’s), but I can understand the resentment Touya is feeling all the same. and I’m so glad Horikoshi is acknowledging this, because it’s something I probably would have been too uncomfortable to bring up otherwise. as it is it’s still an incredibly heavy subject, and one that I probably have too many personal feelings about
anyway, so once again the whole “we’ll try talking to him and then just shrug our shoulders when it doesn’t work” parenting strategy doesn’t really pan out for the Todoroki fam
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sob this boy is Anakin Skywalkering before our very eyes. all that’s missing is AFO to come and start whispering in his ear. any minute now...
“anyway so then he got taller and his fire changed from red to blue”
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guess we’re getting pretty close then huh. this is the part of the flashback that I really don’t want to see, but also unfortunately the part that I’m most curious about :/
oh for fuck’s --
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“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IGNORING HIM FOR FIVE YEARS DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM” sob. back to the drawing board I guess
I thought he got taller, why is he still only like a third of Enji’s height here
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oh fuck me these are armor-piercing feels. this is the heavy artillery right here
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ENJI I’M BEGGING YOU PLEASE STOP AND THINK FOR ONE MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE BEFORE DOING SOMETHING YOU’LL REGRET FOR THE REST OF ALL TIME. your child just told you that he still thinks beating All Might is the only thing you care about, and that he believes his existence is a mistake unless he finds some way of doing that for you. please stop for a moment to contemplate that and choose your next words with care and grace and oh who the hell am I kidding
-- OR WE COULD JUST BLAME REI
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go on and blame everyone but yourself then!! that’s a great solution!! jesus christ man I know this is Endeavor at his literal worst but still this is fucking hard to watch
POOR BABY SHOUTO IS YELLING AT HIS DAD NOT TO HIT HIS MOMMY THIS LITTLE BRAVE BOY NEEDS SO MANY HUGS OH MY GOD
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AND MEANWHILE THE OTHERS ARE HUDDLED IN THE NEXT ROOM TRYING NOT TO CRY AH FUCK
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(ETA: Fuyu covering Natsu’s ears cuts RIGHT TO THE CORE OF ME. Horikoshi if you’re really not gonna get these kids some therapy then at least consider giving your readers some. what is this.)
you know it’s bad when you’re starting to think the part where the kid burns to death might actually be a less traumatic thing to cut to right now
holy shit, actual Rei thoughts
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“I was the one who ultimately made that choice” well there we go, wonder if that’ll put that whole argument to bed at last. I doubt it, but you never know. actually who am I kidding it’s not gonna settle jack shit lol
oh thank god, they decided it was getting too intense and cut away back to the present to narrate this next (final?) part
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get ready to cue up that Alicia Keys. THIS BOY IS ON FIREEEEEEE
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yeah I think that’s one thing we can mostly all agree on. neither of them had any clue what the fuck they were doing pretty much at any point. though I will say that the hypocrisy of him being all “WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP HIM” followed by him IMMEDIATELY DOING THE EXACT SAME THING is a bit rich
(ETA: and he still has this problem, doesn’t he? he froze up when Ending snatched Natsuo, and again when Dabi was attacking Shouto. he’s so afraid of doing the wrong thing that he ends up not doing anything, which of course is exactly what led to Touya’s death. damn Enji I guess you’ve still got some additional character development to unlock.)
and of course neither of them could possibly have known how badly it was going to turn out. like, the consequences here were WAY disproportionate even for the shittiest of parenting. no one expects “I didn’t know how to talk to my son” to snowball into “my son burned to death and then somehow came back as a villain and murdered thirty people”
ohhhhhhhh fuck me
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LITERALLY INCINERATED THE ENTIRE HILLSIDE. fuck. and I am so not ready for the scene of Enji finding the remains of his jawbone afterwards. at least we were spared anything super-graphic (for now at least)
I feel like the timeline here is off, btw?? wasn’t Touya’s death supposed to happen after Rei got hospitalized? this might be the first actual retcon of the entire flashback. although I think it makes more sense this way tbh
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I do appreciate that ten years later Enji is finally reflecting on the fact that if he’d just given up his stupid obsession he could have stopped his family from crumbling apart. that probably sounds sarcastic as fuck, but it’s not. there are countless jerks out there who would have still managed to find a way to blame literally everyone and everything under the sun except for themselves. at least he finally figured out how to take responsibility, even if it came too late to stop his son from dying and being radicalized into a villain terrorist organization
and speaking of, it seems to me we’re missing a third and final part to this little tale of woe, and one which only Touya himself will be able to shed any light on. so we’ll see how that goes
oh man seeing the other kids blaming themselves even though none of it was their fault hits hard af. Rei wasn’t kidding when she said they’d been bearing that burden of guilt far longer than Enji
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SHOUTO I SWEAR TO GOD IF THE NEXT PANEL IS YOU APOLOGIZING FOR BEING BORN, I WILL... WELL I’LL BE VERY SAD, I GUESS. SO DON’T DO IT
oh good he’s just being quiet. good. it absolutely is not your fault lil bean. it’s not theirs either, but feeling guilty about things that aren’t your fault is a time-honored shounen tradition
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goddammit I braced myself for the angsty Shouto panel a page too early. gotta do it all over again now lol. okay here goes
;_;
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well well well would you look at that
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imagine that. talking things out with your child before they make a rash decision. looks like the Todorokis’ parenting skills are finally leveling up
OH MY GOD
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holy shit. this is the most quintessential moment of father/son Todoroki bonding in the entire series. for me it even tops the “nice scar” scene lol. Enji sobbing at the fact that he still has a chance to set things right. and Shouto offering his hand in what is actually the most mature and selfless gesture I’ve ever seen, and being all “we’ll stop him together” to his dad who he hates, but also doesn’t really entirely hate anymore. and all of that is incredibly moving... BUT ALSO HE STILL REFUSES TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HIM AND HE WOULD LIKE HIM TO STOP BEING SO FUCKING DRAMATIC ALREADY IF YOU DON’T MIND. “WHEN YOU’RE DONE CRYING...” fkjldsk
OH MY FUCKING LORD
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(ETA: wouldn’t be a Todoroki drama fest if there wasn’t somebody listening in on the whole thing in secret just around the corner lmao.)
“you think we should have waited somewhere else?” “yeah, probably.” “are you feeling a lot of secondhand embarrassment too?” “god, you have no idea.” STFU HAWKS IT’S NOT EMBARASSING TO BE MOVED TO TEARS BY YOUR FAMILY ALL COMING TOGETHER IN YOUR DARKEST HOUR TO GIVE YOU HOPE THAT YOU PROBABLY DON’T DESERVE BUT ARE NONETHELESS INDESCRIBABLY GRATEFUL FOR
and anyway you chose these guys as your found family, bucko. too late to back out now. next time go get yourself adopted by the Iidas then
AND MEANWHILE NO WORD ON THE WHOLE “HOW DID A THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD SURVIVE A FIRE THAT COVERED HIS BODY WITH HORRIFIC SCARS AND MELTED HIS JAW OFF, AND HOW DID HE SOMEHOW THEN MANAGE TO GO INTO HIDING FOR TEN WHOLE YEARS, AND WHAT HAPPENED IN THAT INTERIM TO CHANGE HIS GOAL FROM ‘SURPASS ALL MIGHT TO IMPRESS MY DAD’ TO ‘KILL ALL HEROES TO MAKE MY DAD SUFFER’.” as if we don’t know the answer to that. but still, would it kill Horikoshi to just confirm AFO’s involvement in all of this already. at this point it’s basically just a formality
so here’s hoping next week we’ll either get that, or more Hawks action, or (DARE I EVEN SUGGEST, I’M AFRAID TO JINX IT) finally cut back to Bakugou and Deku and All Might omg. either way I’m hyped
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beauvibaby · 3 years
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emergency contact — m.tkachuk
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a/n: a random fic that I finally finished!!
word count: 2.4K
You groaned, the buzzing from your phone was stirring you from your sleep, it was nearly three am. No one would call you this early for no reason, so you suddenly came to your senses, scrambling to answer it. “Hello, hello.” You rushed, hardly getting to it in time. “Is this Y/F/N?” The lady’s voice came across delicately which only caused your heart rate to pick up. “Yes.” You sat up in the bed, flipping your lamp on as she began speaking across the line. “My name is Diane, I’m calling from St. Alexius Hospital, your brother, Matthew has been brought in from a car accident, you were listed as his emergency contact.” She explained, you flew out of the bed, “is he ok?” You were rushing around, pulling on whatever clean clothes you could find first. “He’ll be fine, I’m not at liberty to discuss the details over the phone.” She spoke calmly, you nodded, before realizing she couldn’t see you. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” You quickly hung up, yanking your jeans on in a rush, you forced any nervous thoughts to the back of your mind. He would be fine, that’s what you kept repeating to yourself, he was the only family you had left, he had to be fine.
Your feet carried you into the hospital emergency room before your mind could catch up, you reached the counter and blankly stared for a moment, you read her name tag, Diane. “I’m Y/F/N, I’m here to see-” “Ah, yes, for Matthew?” She cut you off, flipping through the papers on her desk. “Room 113.” She pointed you down the hall, and you were off, speed walking down the hall, your shoes sounding loud against the linoleum floor in the early morning. 109, 110, 111, 112, you froze outside of his room, clearly it couldn’t have been that bad if he was alone. You heard a groan from inside the room and you came to your senses, you pushed the curtain aside, “Matthew.” You whispered, and then looked up, the stranger in the bed looking at you with raised eyebrows. “You’re not my brother.” You gasped, and then realized you were standing in his room still, “I’m so sorry, uh, feel better.” You saw the cast on his arm and a bruise forming just under his eyes. “I’m not complaining.” He mumbled with a lazy smile, it captivated you, the way his blue eyes lit up as you smiled back at him. “But no I’m not, my name is Matthew though.” He muttered, coughing lightly, reaching for the water, it was just out of his reach so you walked over and handed it to him. “Here you go.” You whispered, his fingers brushing against yours as he took the cup, “I have to go, I-I’m here to see my brother.” You gave him a smile, going to rush out of the room but as you turned, Diane came running in, out of breath.
“There was a mix up, I’m so sorry.” She rushed, Matthew looking between you and her, eyebrows raised in amusement. “Is my brother even here?!” You snapped, relieved but angry at the same time. She shook her head and you scrambled to pull your phone out of your pocket, dialing your brother’s number. You bounced on your feet as it rang and rang, “Y/N? Why are you calling so late?” He grumbled into the phone, “Matthew!” You cried in relief, “you’re ok?” You asked, “of course I’m ok, why wouldn’t I be?” He sounded confused, “nothing, uh, it’s a long story, I’ll call you later.” You hung up, arms crossed as you glared at Diane. “Miss Y/L/N, I am so sorry.” She apologized again, you could only nod weakly. “I’m so sorry, uh, Matthew.” You turned to the guy in the bed, he had to be right around your age. “I really hope you feel better.” And with that, you rushed out the door, over run by the emotions you just went through.
That was almost a week ago.
Five days if we’re being specific.
“Mom is going to kill me if she finds out I let you drive.” You tuned into the conversation a girl was having with what you could only assume is her brother from the way she spoke to him. You kept your eyes focused down on the cup of coffee and laptop before you, but your ears perked up. “That’s why she isn’t going to find out, right Taryn?” He quipped back at her, you couldn’t fully place it but his voice had an oddly familiar tone. Not one that you knew well, but as if you had heard it before. You continued typing away on your laptop, forcing yourself to stop eavesdropping on their conversation, a message came up on your screen and you became so engrossed in it that you didn’t even notice as Matthew walked past your table with a small gasp, dragging his sister along.
“That’s her!” He whispered to his sister, who only looked at him confused, “that’s the girl from the hospital.” He groaned, running a hand through his curly hair. Only making it look messier. Taryn glanced at you, and at him, then back and forth once more. “You couldn’t pull her.” She teased him, earning a light flick to the arm from him. “I totally could!” He defended, panicking when your head popped up, you glanced around but didn’t notice him. “Well aren’t you going to go say something?” Taryn nudged him, taking his coffee from his not broken arm, and setting it down beside hers on the table. “What am I going to say? ‘Oh hey, not sure if you remember me but you barged into my hospital room last week because you thought I was your brother’? That’s not going to work.” He rambled, too caught up in his own words to notice his sister walking towards you until it was too late. She simply sat across from you, making your body jump back.
“Uh, hello?” You spoke hesitantly, sliding your laptop closer to you, eyeing the random girl skeptically. “Hi, my name is Taryn, I think you met my brother, Matthew over there, in the hospital last week?” She smiled politely at you, pointing to the corner of the cafe were you turned and saw Matthew looking over with wide eyes and pink cheeks, he offered a small wave, wincing when he used the arm in a cast. You giggled under your breath, waving back, “I did.” You confirmed, “I’m Y/N.” You added, turning back to Taryn, “well you see, he hasn’t really shut up about you since then, he thinks you’re really pretty, so I figured I’d come try and help him have a chance to talk to you.” She explained with a grin, occasionally glancing at her brother, who you could only assume had turned more red. “I’d love to talk to him.” You assured her, slowly closing your laptop, holding back a large smile when she grinned, rushing off, you heard them bickering before Matthew approached, awkwardly sitting where his sister just was. “Hi.” He hadn’t struck you as one to be shy when you first met him, “hi.” You repeated, leaning back in your seat. “How’s the arm?” You teased, glancing down to his cast. “It’s getting there.” He shrugged, looking up and meeting your eyes. “I’m really glad they called you.” He added, ah, there’s the confidence you were looking for. You rested your elbows on the table, holding your chin lightly in your hand, “are you?” You cocked your head to the side, smiling as he blushed.
“I am.” He confirmed, placing his phone up on the table, “so why don’t you give me your number, and I’ll take you out to dinner.” He spoke softly, a small hint of nervousness to his voice. “You know, as payment for emotional trauma at the very least.” He joked, earning a genuine laugh from you. “I think that sounds fair.” You picked up his phone, adding yourself to his contacts. “Good thing I’m the only Y/N you know.” You handed him his phone, smiling as his fingers brushed yours, it sounded cliche, and you hated to even think it, but even the simple touch sent your heart into a frenzy. “Mhm, good thing.” He agreed, staying seated, “you know, if we kept talking this could almost be like a first date.” He raised an eyebrow, you noticed the small smirk on his lips. “I think I can spare some time.” You smiled sweetly at him, diving into conversation. You both covered a lot of things, from work, which caught you off guard for sure when you heard what he does, to family, all the way down to embarrassing childhood stories.
“Alright, I’ve waited as long as I can wait, Matty, we need to go.” Taryn interrupted, looking down at her brother from where he was still sitting, you checked the time on your phone and you were embarrassed to see it had been nearly two hours. “Oh my god, Taryn, I’m so sorry.” You apologized, Matthew smiling at the interaction as his sister brushed it off. “It’s fine.” She turned back to him, who was lost in his happiness, “so, Matty.” You teased, gathering your things, “I’ll be waiting to hear from you.” You stood up, pushing your purse onto your shoulder, he followed, standing in front of you, he ducked down to press a kiss to your cheek. “You’ll definitely be hearing from me.” He smirked, walking off with his sister while you blushed furiously, he glanced back and you shot him a wink, you two were made for each other.
“So, tomorrow?”
You giggled at your phone as you walked to your car, already getting a message from him. You bit your lip as you smiled, typing a quick response to leave him on his toes while you drive home.
“I’m sorry, who is this?”
You put your phone on silent to avoid getting distracted while you drove, but you could tell it vibrated a couple of times on the seat. It felt like forever until you got home, but once you did, you and Matthew texted the rest of the day, setting up plans for you both to meet at a restaurant not too far from your house the next day.
You were a little nervous, just because first dates were always nerve wracking, but otherwise you were calm, you knew you’d have a good time. You smoothed out your pants, looking down at the printed material, you adjusted your tucked in lace camisole, tugging your cardigan on over top, a chic yet comfortable outfit, paired with some heeled boots. Your hair falling down your back in loose curls, you gave yourself one last adjustment before you made your way out the door, hoping you wouldn’t be too early, you wouldn’t want to ruin his manly pride.
You were excitedly surprised when you arrived and Matthew was already standing outside the restaurant waiting for you. “Hi, Matthew.” You called as you climbed out of your car, his head snapped up, a grin covering his face as a couple of his curls bouncing in front of his eyes. “Hey. You look great.” He met you in front of your car, his jacket hanging off on one side because of his cast. “Clean up nice yourself.” You replied with ease, “how’s your arm?” You added, lightly touching it where he had scribbled on it. A chuckle falling from your lips at the stick figure he’d left on it. “Better now.” He smirked, earning a snort in return, your hand shooting to your mouth. “Oh my god.” He broke into laughter, using his good arm to move your hand from your face, “that was equally cute and funny.”
“I’m glad you thought so.” You breathed out, giggling as he led you inside.
***
“Oh, Matty. She’s lovely, I’m so happy for you.” Chantal grinned, looking at the ring he had picked out for you. You’d been together for just over a year, you both fell quick and hard, you moving to Calgary with him halfway through the season. “Thanks mom.” He sighed in relief, it was the last few weeks of the off season, and it was a no brainer for you both to come back to St. Louis for the summer to see your families.
What you didn’t know, is that he ended up holding onto that ring for almost a year before asking you to marry him, two years to the day when you ran into his hospital room.
***
“Matty, what are you doing?” You asked breathlessly as you walked into the living room after your shower, in frumpy pajamas and a wet messy bun. You looked at the candles that were scattered around, and him in a pregame suit, despite there being no game tonight. “You can’t cry when I haven’t even said anything yet.” He whispered as you approached him in shock, he pulled the velvet box from his jacket pocket. “Matthew.” You gasped, cupping his bearded jaw, he wiped under your eyes lightly, “Y/N.” He murmured, lightly kissing your forehead before getting down on one knee.
“As much as I hate how that mix up in the hospital scared you that night, I’m so grateful for it, you were right in front of me that whole time in St. Louis, but I wouldn’t have met you if it wasn’t for that.” He explained, popping the box open, you started nodding instantly, “ask me.” You begged. “Will you marry me?” He cut straight to it, grinning when you dropped down on your knees in front of him. You nodded furiously, holding his face in your hands, “yes. Oh my god, yes.” You pulled him in for a kiss, squealing in delight when he yanked you closer, “Mrs. Tkachuk sounds nice, doesn't it?”
***
You leaned in the doorway to your son's room, smiling as Matthew theatrically recalled your meeting story, your son, who was only four, looking up at his dad like he just told him how the earth spins. You giggled, making your presence known, you joined them on the floor, draping your legs over your husband’s lap, your son climbing onto yours, hugging you tightly as you played with his curly hair. “Is daddy telling your favorite story again?” You asked him, smiling when he nodded enthusiastically, “I really like that story too.” You told him, feeling Matthew squeeze your hip as your son giggled.
taglist: @boqvistsbabe @tortito @2manytabsopen @heybarzy @barzysreputation @yzas-stuff @iwantahockeyhimbo @leafs-forever
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sirenofthetimes · 3 years
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Every Proposal on Gilmore Girls Was Absolutely Unhinged
This show was rich in couples, swimming in conflict, and desperately lacking in healthy communication. Which made for some batshit marriage proposals! Let's go:
Christopher to Lorelai in Season 1 ep. 15: Christopher Returns
In Christopher's first appearance on the show, he rocks up to Stars Hollow on his motorcycle at the end of the previous episode, out of the blue, and in this one archetypes are made clear: he establishes himself as the irresponsible deadbeat single dad to Lorelai's hardworking, mature yet still fun single mom. They have a weird dinner with everyone's parents where his parents, Straub and Francine, are shown to be even more uptight and awful than Richard and Emily can be. A lot of fighting and yelling and relitigating past choices ensues. Then Lorelai and Christopher go off to have emotional, nostalgic sex on her childhood balcony, and off the strength of that, he walks into her kitchen the next morning and blurts out that he wants to marry her so they can be a "real family". They barely see each other. They know hardly anything about each other's current lives. This is the first time he's visited the town they've been living in since Rory was a child and yet. A marriage proposal. Naturally, she turns him down, but we have not heard the last of Christopher Hayden.
Max to Lorelai in Season 1 ep. 21: Love, Daisies and Troubadours
This relationship was used mostly to discuss Lorelai's commitment issues, the difficulties of dating as a single mom, and have her fight allegations of her being promiscuous (which are not true, she can be very sexually conservative) by having her do something risky like try to date one of her daughter's teachers at the stuffy private school that also exists in her parents' world. So despite them having okay chemistry, they haven't really dated much and broke up after two months before getting back together shortly before the night of the proposal. Max comes by the house to pick Lorelai up and finds Luke there getting his toolbox and relaying the news that Rachel broke up with him (because she has a basic level of intuition and picked up on his feelings for Lorelai). Max and Luke have a very cringy dick measuring contest, Max (in possession of similar intuition) assumes Luke and Lorelai dated at some point but it's not season 5 yet so she's not legally allowed to admit she's into Luke. They argue, Max expresses frustration that their relationship can never seem to get off the ground, and what does he propose as a solution? Yoking their lives together in blessed matrimony. Lorelai is justifiably frustrated and tells him that's not how you propose, that a proposal is supposed to be special and grand. She lists "a thousand yellow daisies" as an example how to truly pop the question and the next day Max arranges for that famous logistical nightmare romantic gesture at the inn, then says some flowery bullshit on the phone and because it's the season finale and emotions are high, Lorelai accepts. Though later, right after her bachelorette party, she runs away and calls off the wedding. They meet a couple more times for closure, and then the relationship is truly dead.
Jackson to Sookie in Season 2 ep 13: A-Tisket A-Tasket
Sookie and Jackson's budding relationship has actually been pretty nice to watch up until this point. They have a fun balance between awkward but cute flirting and comical bickering about produce. But there's something in the area's water supply that makes people unable to clearly express their wants and needs in a romantic relationship so when Sookie doesn't respond how Jackson wanted her to to him saying his lease was up and asking her what she thought, he sulks. The sulking manifests itself in him not bidding on Sookie's basket at the bid a basket auction so she confronts him to see what's up and they actually manage to have a decent conversation about what moving in together would mean. And that could've been a nice ending for that storyline. But shacking up together? Out of wedlock? Impossible. So at their picnic for two, Jackson fakes Sookie out and says he doesn't want to talk about moving in together any more... because he thinks they should get married. Sookie, reeling from that whiplash, accepts, and since the rules of TV beta couples states they must move faster than the main will-they-won't-they couple at all times, they get married, stay married, and continue struggling to effectively talk through big life decisions,with some admittedly nice moments in between.
Lorelai to Luke in Season 5 ep 22: A House is Not a Home and Season 6 ep 1: New and Improved Lorelai
Lorelai and Luke are in kind of a weird place at the moment, with Luke upset with Lorelai for considering selling the Dragonfly to a corporation owned by one of her father's contacts, which would have her traveling and consulting instead. While she's not too serious about it, she's enjoying being courted by the company, but this is in complete disregard for the giant house Luke bought without telling her or the kids he's thinking about having that he also hasn't discussed with her so it's causing problems. This is forgotten however with the news that Rory wants to take time off from Yale after receiving some rare negative feedback, and that Richard and Emily are letting her stay with them after just telling Lorelai they would help her force Rory back into Yale. So when Lorelai walks into the diner lamenting the fact that Rory is making a decision independent from the vision Lorelai had for her life, and Luke comes forth with a nonsensical plan to, again, force Rory back to Yale, Lorelai is touched that she finally has someone on her side. And since she's a veteran of the season finale marriage proposal, she celebrates having her partner agree with her by asking him to marry her. He accepts in the next season's premiere with no hesitation, but eventually their tendency to hide things from each other to not ruin their relationship.... ruins their relationship. Shocking.
Zack to Lane in Season 6 ep 16: Bridesmaids Revisited
Zack is on a bit of a redemption tour after ruining Hep Alien's showcase in front of a major label by throwing a tantrum about Brian potentially writing a song for Lane. This random burst of jealousy sends him on a power trip that has him throwing out their set list and screaming at his band mates until a fight breaks out and the band and him and Lane split up. But when he sees Lane in the music shop some time later putting up a flier advertising her drumming services to other bands, the thought of her daring to potentially continue living her life without him spurs Zach into action. He convinces Brian and Gil to get the band back together and they're in if Lane's in. And his way of getting Lane back is to walk into Luke's while she's working, go off on some tangent about how he doesn't feel good, and propose in front of a huge crowd of gossipy small town people. Lane must have smacked her head on some antique furniture that day because although she at least stops to ask if he's thought about this, when he presents her with the pawn shop ring he got that "belonged to like an Elk or a Moose or something", she accepts and walks right into marriage and babies land and right out of development that would make sense for her character or be interesting.
Christopher to Lorelai in Season 7 ep. 7: French Twist
Ever since Lorelai walked out of her fraught engagement with Luke and into Christopher's bed, he has taken the reality of a woman coping with feelings of rejection by hooking up with the man she keeps stashed in the background for occasions such as these, and spun it into an elaborate romantic tale of two star crossed loves who waited their whole lives to be together. And when Sherry who, guided by the hands of karma, previously abandoned Gigi leaving Christopher to raise her on his own, writes a letter saying she's totally fine now trust her and wants Gigi to spend a few months with her in Paris, Christopher invites Lorelai along for a big romantic gesture trip. They spend most of it jetlagged, but Christopher remembers he's super rich now (as opposed to just being regular rich like before) and he bribes a restaurant to open early for the two of them. Lorelai, basking in the romance™ of it all, confesses her love, and Christopher pounces on that and starts in on a whole speech. Basically, even though he said he'd be willing to wait for Lorelai to fall in line with his vision, he doesn't feel like waiting any more. Lorelai, sensing where this is going, suggests they wait, as they've only been really dating for a couple of months. She also brings up Rory, figuring she'd want to be up to date and present any big changes. But Christopher waves those perfectly valid concerns away, stresses how long they've known each other, insists that they're meant to be, and fate has brought them together. And then comes out with it and asks her to marry him. Which are very intense words for Lorelai, an emotionally vulnerable woman who just broke off an engagement because her fiancé seemed overly hesitant to actually get married, to hear. We don't see her accept, but there's a scene of them returning home where he calls her "Mrs. Hayden" (as if she would ever change her name), and their marriage immediately began to fall apart like wet tissue paper.
Logan to Rory in Season 7 ep. 21: Unto the Breach
It's the end of Rory's time at Yale, and on the heels of her New York Times fellowship rejection, rejections from other newspapers across the country, and the fact that she rejected her one job offer for better things that did not come, Rory's future is wide open and unstable. On the other hand, Logan is completing his character transformation from irresponsible party animal trust fund kid to hardworking and responsible trust fund kid, accepting a job offer for an internet company in San Francisco. The question emerges: How will the young couple handle this next phase of their lives? And when Logan shows up at Lorelai's house in the previous episode, he comes with a solution. He wants to marry Rory and take her to California, and he wants Lorelai's blessing to propose. She gives it, though not without trepidation, and Logan does propose. In the middle of the graduation party Richard and Emily are throwing for Rory, he gets up in front of everyone and takes out the ring. Rory is caught completely off guard and takes him outside to talk about it, where he reveals that he got the job, picked out a house for them to rent, researched newspapers where she could apply to work, and even planned activities for them to do in their spare time. The original plan being that she would say yes to his proposal without knowing all this and walk blindly into her new, pre-arranged West Coast life. But Rory needs time to process the idea of marrying Logan immediately after college, and on the day of her graduation, she declines. Logan decides if he can't marry her, there's no point in being with her at all, and the two go their separate ways, to eventually meet again in a years long affair, for some reason. Though I barely acknowledge the revival.
Honestly, the only proposal that truly makes sense is Lorelai's to Luke in the revival but I won't discuss it here because a) again, the revival basically doesn't exist to me and b) they should've married during the original run of the show.
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fanficbitch · 3 years
Text
In Another Life // Route 66
Aaron Hotchner x y/n
August 2013
Things at the house have been a little chaotic this morning. Aaron’s alarm didn’t go off, but he naturally wakes up early so that got us going. We’re currently all in the kitchen, Aaron making us cups of coffee, Jack making breakfast and me stuffing Jack’s lunchbox with whatever I can find.
“It’s just too late,” Aaron mumbles under his breath. “Honey, can you take Jack to school? I figure if one of us is late it’s better if it’s you.”
“Yeah, make me look bad in front of the team,” I say as I shove Jack’s lunch in his backpack.
“I don’t think the boss will be too mad,” he says.
“Good thing I’m sleeping with him,” I smirk at him. Aaron shoots me a smirk back. “But yes, I will take Jack.”
“Okay. I love you. I’ll see you at work,” he says and goes in for a kiss but misses mouth and grazes about a third of lips.
“See you at work,” I say then usher Jack out of the house.
“Mama?” Jack asks once we get into the car.
“Yes buddy?”
“Will you and Dad be home for dinner?” he asks and my heart breaks a little.
“Uh, I don’t know bud. We might have a case,” I say as I look back in my rearview mirror. Jack lets out a little huff then turns towards the window. 
“There is always a case,” he murmurs. I’m a little caught off guard because Jack usually understands that Aaron and I have to go on these trips. He has been used to Aaron doing it his whole life. 
“Jack, is there something you want to talk about?” I ask carefully.
“Dad promised he would come to my play last night and he didn’t come,” Jack says.
“But Jess and I came!” I point out.
“But Dad didn’t.”
“Dad just has to work harder than the rest of our team because he’s the boss,” I say. “But Daddy comes to lots of your things. He’s your soccer coach!”
“You guys are just gone a lot,” he whispers.
“I know we are and I’m sorry,” I say, but Jack remains quiet. “You just need to know that your Dad and I love you more than anything.”
My words get me a small smile from Jack. “Even more than ice cream?”
“Yes, baby even more than ice cream,” I say as we pull up at his school.
“Okay, I love you too,” Jack says.
“Have fun at school!” I yell as he hops out of the car. 
I begin my drive to the BAU. I kinda figured this problem might come up someday, but not this early. Jack deserves more. He deserves parents that are there for him. I don’t blame Aaron at all. He’s doing his best. But sometimes, a kid just needs their dad.
As I pull up to my building there is an ambulance leaving. I park my car and leave with my cup of coffee my boyfriend prepared. To my surprise, I find JJ, Morgan and Reid standing at the entrance. “What’s going on?” I ask as I approach them. They all have terrified looks on their face. “Oh no, who is hurt?” I ask because I just assume.
JJ stares at me but doesn’t say anything. “JJ, what is going on?” I ask, but she can’t say anything.
“It’s Hotch,” Morgan finally says.
“W-What are you talking about?” I get out.
Morgan takes both my arms, holding me up straight. “He passed out during the briefing.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, not fully understanding what is going on.
“Hotch is on his way to the hospital in that ambulance. Rossi went with him,” Morgan says and I nearly collapse. Morgan’s grip on me keeps me standing.
“What happened?” I ask urgently.
“We don’t know,” Morgan says. “Let me drive you to the hospital.”
I move the next few hours in a trance. Morgan drops me off at the hospital and they tell me that Aaron is suffering from internal bleeding. Probably from his battle with Foyet. 
Morgan is forced to leave me, but I rock back and forth in my chair in the waiting room. I can’t possibly sit still when there is so much at risk. Aaron is my everything, even his dependents are my everything.
Rossi sits next to me with his hand on my back. “Y/N,” he says softly. “I need to get to the case.”
I continue to rock despite the words. “Are you going to be okay?” Rossi asks, but I continue rocking. “Y/N?” he gets out.
I finally snap out of my rocking fit and sit still. “Yes, I hear you,” I tell him.
“Are you going to be okay?” he asks again.
“I’ll be okay enough,” I say. Rossi gives me an unsure expression. “It’s fine, Rossi, you can go.”
“I don’t want to leave you here alone,” he whispers.
“I’m okay,” I tell him. “I promise.”
Rossi squeezes my hand then let’s go to leave. I don’t blame him. There is a job to be done. A job that I should be working on. But there is no way I can work on it like this. 
After a few hours, I go up to a nurse and ask where Aaron Hotchner is. “He’s in room 402,” the nurse finally says. 
I go up the few floors to get to his room. When I get to him, my heart lifts. I was expecting Aaron to be dead, but according to his heart monitor he is still very much alive. 
I sit down in a chair next to his bed and hold my breath. What am I going to do? With Jack? With this baby? I can’t do any of this without Aaron. I scoot the chair closer to his bed so I can hold his hand. “Hey honey,” I whisper with a laugh. “It feels ridiculous talking to you like this, but I have to. You have to fight. You have to stay alive for Jack and for our baby. Please Aaron,” I beg as I hold his hand to my head. 
I wish for everything in my body to go to making Aaron better again. I know better than to trust prayers, but I feel like it is worth a shot.
I whisper and plead silently as I hold his hand. Before long, Aaron opens his eyes. It takes him a moment to adjust, but he realizes where he is. “What happened?” he asks.
“Well, you had an internal bleed from your fight with Foyet,” I say.
“After all this time?” he asks.
“Yes, after all this time,” I confirm.
He sits silently for a moment, adjusting in his bed. “How are you?” Aaron finally asks.
“It doesn’t matter,” I say quickly and wipe the tears from my eyes.
“Yes, it does,” he says. “How are you?”
“I-I’m fine,” I stutter. He looks at me a long time before responding. 
“No you’re not,” he whispers.
“How do you know?” I ask.
“Because I know you,” he tells me. “And I know you can’t hide secrets.”
I let out a chuckle. “You know me too well,” I smile at him. “I’m just worried about you.”
“I’m fine,” he says without really knowing anything. “At least, I feel fine.”
“Well, I’m going to have the doctors check you to be sure,” I tell him.
“Where is Jack?”
“He’s at school. I didn’t want to bother him unless you were awake,” I say.
“Well bother him,” Aaron retorts back. I get out my phone and text Jess all the news, good and bad. 
“I promise you, he will be coming when he can,” I tell Aaron. He smiles at me and I feel whole again.
“C’mere,” he whispers. I do the best I can to sit on the edge of his bed. There is no way you could fit me and Aaron in a twin bed right now. “I love you,” he whispers.
“I love you too,” I whisper back. “Just please don’t try and die on me again.”
“I’m not trying too,” he reassures me. “But…” he says and trails off.
“But what?” I ask.
“I had a dream,” Aaron says.
“What kind of dream?” I ask.
“Haley was there, and so was Foyet. We were watching a movie of my life and you were in it,” Aaron says slowly. “Haley told me to stay with you because you were good for me and Jack.”
I sit silently and hold Aaron’s hand. “What else happened?”
“She was bleeding, but I couldn’t stop it. But then it was suddenly gone and I couldn’t control it,” he says.
“What happened next?” I ask.
“She was gone,” Aaron says. I can tell that he is longing for Haley. I can’t really blame him.
“Do you want to talk about it more?” I ask.
“No, no,” he reassures me.
“Because it’s okay if you do. I’d be more than happy to talk about Haley,” I say as I lean against his leg.
“No, it’s okay,” he says slowly. “She just told me that I should be happy with you and that you’re good for Jack.”
Those words make my heart warm. “That means a lot,” I tell him. “There is something I want to talk to you about though,” I say and he crinkles his eyebrows together. “I think after I have the baby I’m going to take some time away from the BAU.”
“Why?” Aaron asks quietly.
“Well, Jack and I were talking this morning and he was upset because we are always gone-,”
“Jack understands that we have to travel for work,” Aaron says, interrupting me.
“I thought so too, but then today he was so sad and says we are gone a lot, which is true,” I say. “I just don’t want Jack to grow up and look back on his childhood and think we were never there for him. I understand that you can’t leave work, but I’m not as needed as you are.”
“But the team needs you,” Aaron says.
“I think Jack and this baby need me more. I want to focus on being a mom for a little bit. Then I’ll get back to chasing bad guys.”
Aaron smiles and squeezes my hand. “I think that is very noble of you. I’m glad our kids have such a great mom.”
The door to the room swings open to reveal Jack and Jess carrying a bouquet of balloons. “Dad!” Jack shouts and jumps onto the bed. I immediately want to tell him to be careful with Aaron, but I don’t want to ruin this moment. “Are you okay?”
“I am now,” Aaron says as he hugs Jack with arm and his other hand finds mine and gives it a squeeze.
Jack turns to me. “Will you be home for dinner tonight now?” Jack asks. Aaron has a confused expression on his face.
“Dad might have to stay here for a few days,” I say and Jack’s expression saddens. “But, we could all eat in here.”
“Yes please!” Jack shouts.
“Sounds like a plan,” I tell him.
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janaeekook · 3 years
Text
.Crimson lace.
Tumblr media
pairing: bestfriend!seonghwa x reader (f)
warnings: dom!seonghwa, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex (be safe kids)
word count: 4.9k
The roads were winding, twisting through the expansive mountain scape around you, Small flakes of snow falling along the road. You were in the passenger seat of your best friends car, the radio softly playing some pop song that Seonghwa seemed to know word for word.
It was that time of year, Seonghwa's family and their annual trip to their cabin. The past years you and Seonghwa had gone up a day earlier than the rest of his family to take up all the supplies for the week and check that the generator still worked properly.
"So what movies are we going to watch tonight?" You asked, curious as to what we would do before his parents, aunts, uncles, siblings and cousins came up tomorrow.
"I'll leave that to you." He said glancing over to you from the drivers seat. You smiled widely, knowing which movies you'd pick for the movie night that had become a tradition.
The smile that masked your face didn't fade as you watched each dainty snowflake powder from the sky. It was exquisitely beautiful, the grey early January sky, the chill of the outdoors cut off by the cars heat and the warm starbucks coffee that warmed you from the inside.
You hummed tugging your legs into a crossed position in the seat, the paper cup still in your clutch. You inspected the glove box, nothing but crumpled napkins, registration and a small first aid kit.
"We're almost there." Seonghwa informed you.
"How did you-"
"You act like I haven't known you my whole life." He chuckled, "You get antsy after long car rides."
You chuckled, forgetting that Seonghwa was indeed your bestfriend, and had been for years. He knew practically everything about you, neither of you ever saw each other as more than bestfriends bound at the hip.
He'd seen you half naked, passed out drunk on the bathroom floor, three times through the notebook after your first breakup, and he was by your side through all of it. Nursing you to health, loving you when you thought no one would, and giving you endless support when your dad passed away.
His parents were the same growing up, knowing your mom was busy working overtime to pay the bills; you'd stay over, that was when you and Seonghwa really grew close, you sleeping on the floor of his dragon themed bedroom.
As your mind continued to reminisce, the car was pulling up to the large cabin, It was large enough to house all 17 of us with its 7 bedrooms. The parents and grandparents got their rooms, the younger kids shared rooms, the girls in one and boys in the other. But as you and Seonghwa got older you started sharing the last bedroom.
It wasn't weird for you, you'd been sharing a bedroom and bed with him since you were both 4. His relatives however always asked if the two of you were dating, and you'd laugh it off because to the two of you it was utterly ridiculous.
You stretched your tired limbs when you stepped from the warmth of Seonghwa's car into the brisk outside winter air, "We made it!" You exclaimed lightly in excitement.
Seonghwa's chuckle sounded warm enough to melt the falling snow all away, "Did you doubt we would?"
You shrugged, grabbing one of the many large boxes of food and supplies that were piled in the back of his car.
"You're a scary driver." You teased, feigning fright. He smacked your arm before grabbing a box as well.
"Excuse me I am a wonderful driver."
You giggled, stopping promptly as you reached the entry way, Seonghwa taking his keys and unlocking the large wooden door. You took a deep breath in as you stepped through the door, the cabin always had a distinct smell a mixture of sandalwood and crisp apple.
"Wait!" You gasped making Seonghwa who stood in the kitchen whip around to look at you in slight concern which quickly faded upon studying your face. Bright eyes and an excited smile as you continued to hold onto the box of food.
"What?" He couldn't contain the contagious smile that spread across his face.
"Can we make a fort for our movie night?"
"Let's get everything inside, and the generator going, first and then talk about the plan for the night, ok?" He said and you nodded quickly in agreement. He watched as you skipped back out the door, and he couldn't help the smile that drew at his lips.
Anyone watching them could see the love and adoration in his eyes, anyone and everyone, except you. Seonghwa had started to feel more for you, he loved you and he wanted you to know. But you were oblivious to the signs he'd been displaying the past 2 years. Sometimes he grew frustrated and just wanted to grab your face and kiss you— but at what cost? What if you didn't feel the same?
Well he knew you didn't, he was just your bestfriend and nothing more. He never tested that boundary for fear of losing you, he could never picture a life without you, it just didn't make sense.
"Hwa!" He was pulled from his thoughts by your voice, "Get out here and help me."
He chuckled, "Ya, ya." Following your words out the door
.
The generator rolled with a start, humming lightly. Seonghwa stood dusting off his hands as he stood from his previously squat position before leaving the small shed with a huff of satisfaction hurrying the short distance back to the insulated cabin.
"You got it?" You asked the second you heard him come through the door.
"Try the lights." he said, and so you did, the dark room quickly being illuminated by the warm light.
"Haha! Look at that!" You exclaimed, he always loved the excitement you got from the smallest things. Lights, electricity, something so simple and everyday and yet it brought you the upmost joy.
He wanted to tell you how cute you were, "Aww is someone afraid of the dark?" He joked instead.
"Very funny, If I recall correctly you were the one that just had to have his Spiderman night light plugged in."
He scoffed, "At least I don't cry at the sight of an insect."
"Arachnophobia is a very real thing, Seonghwa."
"Then I hope none are lurking around the cabin." He said in an attempted spooky voice, wiggling his fingers as he moved his arm toward you, which you proceeded to hit out of the way. You stuck your tongue out at him.
"Jackass." You said, and he only replied with his melodic laugh, You threw a folded blanket at his chest, "Now help me with the fort."
You both threw blankets over the couch and propped them on various chairs from about the cabin. Purposely leaving the fluffiest and nicest blankets for the inside, where you also strung fairy lights randomly. It was as magical and cuddly-cozy-warm as ever. You climbed in wrapping yourself in a blanket then opened your laptop in front of you, Seonghwa joining with an armful of snacks.
You hummed, grabbing a handful of popcorn, "You know the way to my heart, Park."
"Its like I'm your bestfriend or something."
"Hm, so 10 Things I Hate About You, ya?"
"Whatever makes you happy." He said with a smile. That's all he wished, for you to be happy, and if sitting here with you in a makeshift fort of blankets and fairy lights, with snacks that were bad for you and cheesy hallmark movies, was what made you happy— then so be it. If you insisted, he would sit there all the days of his life with you.
He sighed lightly to himself, You've got it bad Seonghwa. He thought, though he knew, he'd known. Falling helplessly in love with his bestfriend, who saw him as just that, her bestfriend.
How truly infuriating it must be for him to see you look at others and not even consider him. Though that wasn't your fault. You didn't know. He wished you'd notice, but you still hadn't. It had been years, every holiday, coming up to the cabin— falling asleep next to the other.
He looked over to you, your eyes shut and lips parted slightly. It was unbelievable, you always insisted on a movie night but Seonghwa knew you'd be asleep by the end of the first. That's just how you worked; he studied your sleeping face with a smile, tuning out the movie. He thought you looked beautiful, truly.
Unconsciously you scooted toward Seonghwa's warmth. His lips forming a sad smile as he watched his sleeping bestfriend cuddle into his chest. You'd always been cuddly, ever since childhood— as if you had been starved of physical affection your entire life. So you'd always found reasons to hug him, or others and be close to them, not wishing them the same fate.
This is how he'd fallen in love with you. Why, he'd fallen in love with you. Simply for you and your heart.
Though he was still a teenage boy, and when he woke up in the middle of the night, that night, heart racing, skin damp with sweat and his boxers straining against him. He wanted to curse at himself, to ignore it and go back to sleep. But you moving in your sleep forced him to fight off a moan as your ass pressed against him unintentionally.
He nearly jumped off the floor and right up hurrying to the bathroom, where he shut and locked the door, before leaning against it. He looked at the clock that quietly ticked on the wall, 3:45 am. He sighed, annoyed then pulled his sweatpants down just enough to take himself into his hand, pumping himself as he searched for relief. And he did, cumming over his hand as he whispered your name.
.
The next morning you woke up, Seonghwa no longer next to you. You looked out of the fort finding him sitting on an uncovered part of the couch, eyes fixated on the TV.
"Seonghwa?" You croaked out, he turned to glance at you, his cheeks red but you assumed it was from the cold, "What's going on?" He didn't actually respond just turned up the volume on the TV.
Breaking: All roads on the highway north are closed after an unexpected snow storm dumped at least 5 feet of snow in the middle of the night, authorities are advising residents to be patient as they work to clear the roads.
"We're snowed in." He finally said.
"So- what does that mean about your family coming up?"
"They're not." His voice seemed strained, as if full of dread.
"Jeez, I can't be that awful to be around." You joked before stalking off into the kitchen to make some breakfast.
What you didn't know however was what truly was going through his head. This had to have been some twisted fate the universe had placed on him, working to test his strength in the process. How long could he hold out? How long could he restrain himself in these close quarters? Maybe it was the cold getting to his head, making him weaker.
"Do you want pancakes or waffles?" You asked from the kitchen, effectively knocking Seonghwa from his trance.
"Did you really just ask me that question?" He seemed borderline offended.
"Who else?" You snorted
"Waffles are 100 times better than pancakes, you know that." He stood walking into the kitchen and standing on the opposite side of the island.
"Excuse me? Pancakes are so much better than waffles, they're fluffy."
"But everything just spills off the top, waffles have indents to capture all of that flavor so you don't miss any of it. Plus pancakes are always raw in the center."
"Are not!" You turned around facing him fully now.
"Why'd you even ask me then if you like pancakes better."
"I don't know, maybe because I thought it was a simple question." You retaliated.
"Are we really fighting about pancakes and waffles?"
"Yes, now you can make your own breakfast."
"You're a pain in the ass." He said walking around the island and grabbing cereal from the cabinet.
"Dido." You said in a sing-song voice and smiled at him. He sighed, shaking his head at you with a smile across his own lips. This was what your friendship had always consisted of, joking play fights and comments. You were probably more comfortable around Seonghwa than your own family, partly because he felt like family to you. You threw a chocolate chip at him as he sat at the counter and you wondered in that moment what you would do without your bestfriend. The rest of the day passed at a snails pace, being snowed in only making you more aware of how seemingly little there was to do in the rather large cabin. You danced to music in the living room as Seonghwa laughed saying that you had 'not a single dancer bone in your body' to which you answered him by throwing a pillow at his head. That had led to a merciless pillow fight between you, which of course he ultimately won. Later in the day You sat, reading a book on the couch. You weren't exactly sure what the book was about, you had simply found it on the book shelf. It was interesting, interesting enough for you not to register that your bestfriend had entered the room again after having gone to change.
"Hey," He said, grabbing your attention, "I'm gonna go out, check the main roads. You gonna be ok?" Seonghwa asked pulling gloves onto his hands.
"Ya, I'll be fine." You smiled at him from the couch. When he walked out the door and you heard it close behind him you dropped the book, you needed to shower, and it'd just be easier if Seonghwa was out while you did.
You threw your hair in a bun as to keep it dry, stepping into the running water and washing your body. It was hot against your skin, and you sighed as your body relaxed. You took your time as the water ran over you. The past day had been a whirl-wind of surprises, with all the snow, we were able to call Seonghwa's family with the land line, but other than that there was no reception, No clear way to get home as the snow blocked the roads. The plows hadn't made it through the back roads. It wasn't too awful being stuck with Seonghwa-- if it was anyone other than your bestfriend you think you'd have pulled out all your hair already.  
Though not having your alone time already had you cranky, you sighed, washing your body. Finally feeling clean you shut off the water and stepped out, standing on the small shower mat you looked into the mirror, You allowed your eyes to scan you body decorated with water droplets. You felt-- pretty, as if your insecurities had been washed away, and saw your body for what it was, you. You smiled lightly before grabbing a towel and drying your skin. You left the humid bathroom and went to the bedroom, kneeling in front of your suitcase in hopes of finding something comfortable to wear. Though when you flipped open the lid you saw the crimson lace. You felt heat rush to your cheeks at the thought of why you even packed the scandalous piece of thin fabric. What were you even hoping to accomplish?  
You lifted the lingerie up, you bit your lip lightly, Seonghwa wasn't there it'll be fine if you wore if for a bit. right? You sighed again before you stood, dropping the towel, and letting it pool at your ankles. You pulled on the matching lace set, before looking over yourself in the full length mirror in the bedroom. It fit perfectly, and boy did it make your confidence soar. You felt empowered by your own body, beautiful. Any supposed imperfection, that prompted insecurities in your heart and mind, a mere reminder of how uniquely beautiful you were.
You weren't sure how long you stood there. But your heart stopped when the door was pushed open. Though you didn't yell, you didn't even move to cover yourself. No, you weren't frozen but deep down, you wanted him to see you-- even if you hadn't realized it.
"Hey, Y/n, the roads-" but he stopped mid-sentence when he was welcomed to the sight of you in next to nothing. His eyes seemed to cloud with a dark lust, you held your breath, he stepped closer, the tips of his fingers grabbed at one of the straps. His eyes fleeting over your body once more, as his fingers traced the crimson lace that covered your breast. His intense gaze met yours again when his hand fell away from your chest.
"What are you doing to me?" His voice a low whisper.
"You said you went to check the roads." Your cheeks burned in embarrassment, the way your bestfriends eyes ran over your body, drinking up each curve. It should have made you uncomfortable, but you couldn't help but feel desire creep into your thoughts.
"That was an hour ago."
"Oh." was all you could find in your mind to say. It was silent for a few beats before you decided to speak again, "Seonghwa."
"I need you to let me know if you're uncomfortable, because, I really don't want to hold back right now." You'd never heard Seonghwa sound so sultry before to someone, let alone yourself.
The whine that involuntarily slipped past your lips encouraged him to step forward and entrap your lips with his. It was a searing kiss, he pushed you back against the small desk that was behind you in the small bedroom.
You felt as the red lace of your panties pooled with arousal, your cheeks flushed, wondering how your childhood bestfriend made your body feel so uncontrollably hot, without even so much as a touch to your skin. He hiked you onto the small desk nudging your legs apart with his knee so he could stand between them.
"Was this your plan? Hm? Get me to lose control and fuck you?" His fingers traced your jaw hooking lightly under your chin, forcing your eyes to meet. His eyes held a hard questioning gaze, you tried to shake your head no but he held your chin in place, "Use your words."
"No- no hwa."
"No? You sure darling? You just happened to be wearing this?"
"Yes." Your tone was soft as your confidence, for the first time since you were children, wavered under his gaze.
The corner of his lip quirked up lightly, "Am I making you nervous darling?" His cocky tone oozing from each word.
"Seonghwa-" your voice breathy as you looked up into his eyes, his fingers moved over the wet patch on your red lace panties.
"That needy baby? Hm?" He asked when you whined.
"Please."
"Please what?"
"Make me feel good."
Nothing more needed to be said as his lips were on yours again need and want burning between you. You'd never felt it before, you'd never wanted someone to touch you intimately so badly, especially not Seonghwa. But there was something forbidden about his touch that made your body hot with desire.
He got to his knees before you, his face now parallel with your cunt. He kissed over the thin fabric and your breath shuddered. He thought you looked beautiful, the red lace complimenting your skin tone perfectly.
"God you're perfect." And with that he pushed the barrier of fabric to the side running his tongue through your slick folds. The noises you made only further expressing how needy you really were, it felt wrongfully right. His mouth on you bringing you to the edge quicker than you imagined possible and it was just his tongue, he didn't need anything more to pleasure you.
"S-seonghwa-" your head lulled back in response to the overwhelming pleasure, your eyes squeezing shut, your ears tuning into the wet noises eliciting from between your legs.
Your head snapping back to the man between your legs when he pulled away. You whined with a solid pout on your lips having not finished.
"Not yet." Was all he said, wiping his chin with the back of his hand. He pulled you from the desk, his lips finding yours again as he pushed you back until the backs of your knees hit the edge of the bed. He eased you down onto the plush mattress, your lips never separating.
Removing his clothes you felt his own hot skin against yours. Everything seeming to melt together, the lines of your friendship, your bodies as you pulled eachother closer— feeling your need grow tenfold as his hips grinded down on yours.
Voice breathy in your throat you managed to push his name out, "Seonghwa-"
"Mmm, you sound so pretty saying my name."
"Seonghwa, please." Your voice more stern now, you needed relief from the pulsing between your thighs.
"Begging now, are we?" He smirked as he teased you and you rolled your eyes, "Don't worry darling, I'll make you cum on my cock."
And in that he didn't lie, his lips peppering you neck and collarbones before wrapping around your lace covered nipples. Removing his own clothes eagerly, but he froze.
"Condom-"
"I'm on the pill, Hwa, please don't stop now." The desperation in your voice fueling his own need to be inside you. He craved to feel you warm around him.
Running the head of his cock over you folds caused his breath to catch in his throat, every late-night forbidden fantasy when he laid in his bed alone, dominant hand pumping himself to the thought of you. It was all about to become very real, a shaky moan leaving both your lips as he pressed into you. There was no going back after that, not as you came on him within minutes— no matter how much your head denied your want for him, your body couldn't.
Though when he came, soon after you, he didn't stop. You whined not because it was bad, but because the overstimulation burned in your stomach. It was intoxicating and Seonghwa continued to drill into you. Determination was clear on his face, his lower lip pulled between his teeth. Your eyes met his.
"God, I can't get enough of you." He panted out. Each breath grew sharper as he worked himself to his second consecutive high.
You couldn't speak, your brain was far to hazy, only your moans of pleasure and your thoughts screaming his name. The slapping of skin, over the bed creaking beneath you, and your incessant noises— becoming deafeningly loud.
Though you weren't all too worried about about being too loud. The dense snow covered forest beyond the walls of this cabin hushing it all, "Seonghwa!" Had only been a mere whisper to the trees. What had just happened between you and your bestfriend? You couldnt really say-- and he couldnt either as you both tugged on your clothes again. Neither one of you having any clue how to start the conversation at large. Though Seonghwa's voice finally broke the silence.
"That was-" He paused searching for the right word to use.
"Really good." You finished for him, another lapse of silence passed.
"I'll just- go and start a fire." Seonghwa said before leaving the room.
"I'll make dinner." You spoke quicker than you normally would and rushed off to find solitude in the kitchen. In the privacy of your own minds you thought the same thing, What was that? And why did you want more? Though was there even more to ask for when you'd seemed to have done everything?
The two of you slept separately that night, not wanting to fall into the temptation of the others skin. At least not before you figured everything out. But as you laid alone in the bed, and he in the living room in front of the fire, all that either of you could think of was your bodies pressed snuggly to the others. How it felt to have him inside you, the feeling of his hot lips on your skin. It was loud in your thoughts, and every time you tried to push it down and settle your heart, It only got louder. Sleep did eventually come to you, albeit reluctantly. It was rather short lived, you waking up to Seonghwa shaking you awake.
"They cleared the roads, my mom said we should just head home." You nodded in understanding, before watching his back as he left the room, studying the way he moved. It was effortless, graceful. You shook your head, bringing you back to reality.
By the time you were ready, Seonghwa had already had the car fully packed. You could sense that he was eager to get back home and have time for himself to think, and you didn't blame him because you wanted the same thing. You didn't want to walk on egg shells and give each other the silent treatment any longer. Yes, you wanted to figure it all out and for things to go back to normal between you two. But you couldn't help the instinct to run and hide because the feelings in your heart scared you. You'd grown so comfortable knowing Seonghwa as your bestfriend, that you weren't sure of how to react to that security changing overnight. That, your bestfriend could be more than that of a bestfriend.
.
It was January and the start of the last semester of senior year. A week and a half since you'd slept with you bestfriend. Seonghwa had effectively been avoiding you and you weren't exactly searching for him either, you didn't know how to start that conversation.
'hey, I know we broke every rule in the book between us but, bestfriends still?' You knew it simply wouldn't be that easy. The things he said, the way he touched you, and made you feel. The emotions now a constant linger in your mind.
You couldn't just move on like it were nothing, because it wasn't nothing. Maybe it hadn't been the best idea but you couldn't help but think, that you wanted it again. More of him, if that were even possible. You'd never thought you'd think of Hwa that way, not in a million years. Though you didn't know how to face him. But not seeing and talking to him after being so vulnerable with each other made your heart ache.
It wasn't until he showed up at your door on that rainy Saturday afternoon, that you saw him. Your heart picking up in speed. His wet hair sticking to his forehead, had he always looked this good doing something so simple? Wearing something so simple? You were sure he could hear your heart pounding in your chest.
"We need to talk." He said, almost as if he was trying to convince himself, he continued as he stepped through the door, "I can't- we can't avoid this anymore. I'm sorry, y/n, I shouldn't have came onto you like that, god I should've known this would mess everything up."
"Seonghwa-"
"You were vulnerable and I let my feelings get the better of me," he hung his head, "Y/n I'm so sorry, and you don't have to forgive me."
"Seonghwa, I'm not mad at you." you said quickly so he wouldn't interrupt you again.
"Then why are you avoiding me?"
"Why are you?" You asked softly, trying to convey your thoughts, you sighed, "You're just as scared to face these feelings as I am."
His head snapped up and his eyes found yours for, what seemed to be, the first time since he'd been there. He searched your face for any sign that you weren't serious, he came up empty handed. Had you both been feeling this?
"You-?" His eyes continued to search yours, He had so many questions, When? Why him?
"-Love you." You finished his thought with a whisper, but he heard you loud and clear. His features visibly seemed to soften before he was kissing you again. You had longed for his lips to be on yours again since the moment they left, for you melted so easily into it.
He pulled back resting his forehead on your own, "I love you too." and he delved in for another kiss, before he quickly pulled back again, "Your mom."
His voice a low whisper with a tone of disappointment. But you only chuckled at him.
"She just left for her 72." You told him, and he smiled, already having plans for your alone time.
"Perfect."
You shook your head at his eagerness as he practically dragged you up the stairs to your room, "You know we'll have to tell our parents eventually right?"
"I know," He said, turning to face you once you were both in you bedroom, "But lets just enjoy this alone time." His palms held your cheeks as he kissed you with such passion it felt as if he'd taken your breath away, But you leaned into his warmth anyway before kicking your door shut with your heel.
As the sun slipped beneath the horizon and the rain poured harder outside, he showed you how much he loved you, he told you, and you fully welcomed the lingering emotions. You became his, in the twisted sheets, the loving kisses, in the noises that escaped from your swollen lips, and the baroque, Crimson Lace.
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matwith1t · 3 years
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A/N: Hiii! I’m fairly new to writing for Mat, but I heard this song and went !!! so I wrote a little something based off it! There’s a part two in the works! I’d love to hear any & all feedback!! 💗✨ @itrocksmysocks​​ here’s your tag 🤩 
Summary: Mat felt beyond nervous to meet your family for the first time, but like you predicted, your family absolutely adored him. But when your relationship suddenly comes to an end, Mat unknowingly broke more hearts than yours. (heavily inspired by More Hearts Than Mine by Ingrid Andress)
ITALICS ARE FLASHBACKS
MASTERLIST | LET’S CHAT 🥂
Warnings: swearing, mentions of drinking // WC: 11.8K // Fluff & Angst
The trees were in full bloom as you drove down the familiar streets of your hometown. The sweet smell of April air wafted through the slightly cracked car windows; and the sun shined just as bright as the smile on your face when you looked over at the person sitting next to you in the driver's seat.
“And there’s the park where I broke my wrist after jumping off the swings,” you excitedly pointed out the window.
Mat chuckled and squeezed your hand as he slowly rolled to a stop at a stop sign. With no one behind you two, he idled the car for a little longer, and took his time looking out the windshield, “And the place where you got in your first fight, right?”
You turned in your seat to face Mat, who had a wicked smirk on his face. With your mouth wide open you gasped, “I was five and they pulled my hair!”
Mat leaned his head against the seat, eyes shut tight with a crinkled nose, as he let out a boisterous laugh. “Always the fighter,” he said as he brought your connected hands up to his lips, and pressed a kiss on the top of your hand.
You tried to contain your smile, but all of your efforts were lost when Mat’s eyes connected with yours. At the delicate soft smile on his face, you couldn’t control the smile that slowly crept onto your face. And the only thought circling your mind was how did you get so lucky six months ago.
Six months ago, you wound up at a mutual friend's house for a birthday party where you met Mat. It started off with talking in the kitchen over drinks, then to beer pong partners where he would clasp his hand around yours after a high five, and by the end of the night, you two were on the couch off in your world talking nonsense as he kept knocking his knees against yours.
Phone numbers were exchanged by the time the party was over, and a day and a half later, you met him at a coffee shop early in the morning.
A loud honk from behind brought you out of reminiscing. Mat seemed just as startled as you as he dropped your hand, checked to make sure no other cars were at the all-way stop, and then hit the gas pedal.
“Asshole,” Mat muttered under his breath as he slowed down and picked your hand back up.
A small chuckle escaped your lips, “We’ll walk around later and then you can see everything again,” you squeezed his hand as a promise, “Turn left here.”
He turned the blinker as he approached another stop sign, “With all of the stories you’ve told me….” After checking to see no other cars, he turned down the street your parents lived on for as long as you could remember, “I feel like I’ve been here before.”
You felt yourself heat up in embarrassment, “Sorry, I––”
Mat shook his head and quickly glanced at you, “Never apologize. I love hearing your stories.”
With a little embarrassment still lingering in the pit of your stomach, all you offered him was a closed lipped smile. Mat took his time driving down the residential street, admiring the quaint neighborhood, as you piped up, “We’re coming up to it on the right––three more houses––the one with the navy blue door.”
With a deep exhale, Mat’s hand tightened around the steering wheel, as he nodded his head, “Cool.”
With scrunched up eyebrows, you tilted your head to stare at his side profile. Because with his knuckles turning slightly white, locked jaw, and clammy hand, you knew he wasn’t anywhere near feeling ‘cool.’
“Why are you nervous?” you asked him sincerely as he pulled up and parked in front of your childhood house, “You’ve met them over FaceTime and they loved you.”
Mat rolled the windows up before turning off the ignition and turned in his seat to face you with a worried expression, “Because it’s your family, FaceTime is barely anything. This is meeting them face to face and that’s…different.”
You appreciated his honesty instead of denying his nerves, “You’ve already passed with flying colors with everyone,” he still didn’t look convinced so you listed your reasons, “My mom loves anyone who makes me happy and I’m very happy with you.” Mat tucked his chin into his chest to hide his blush, “My dad thinks it’s awesome that you’re a hockey player, won’t shut up about it. And my sister likes you because she thinks you’re her in to get her a hockey boyfriend.”
Mat took the key out as he threw his head back in laughter again in a way that made you fall in love with him all over again. The two of you opened your doors at the same time and got out of the car.
“Trust me,” he said with a few small laughs, “you wouldn’t want your sister to date a hockey player.”
You raised your eyebrows at Mat as he popped open the trunk and took out both of your bags, “What about you, Barzal?”
Mat shut the trunk, slung his bag over his shoulder. When you tried to reach out to hold your bag, Mat pulled it back and shook his head as if asking you why you would even try to carry your own bag.
“I’m better than the rest of them.”
This time, it was your turn to throw your head back in laughter; eyes shut tight and nose crinkled. And when you opened your eyes, you saw Mat staring at you, eyes full of adoration. You imagined it as the same look you gave him after he laughed.
You whispered, come on, to him and Mat followed you up the driveway to the front door. Your hand was floating on top of the door handle to open it, but the door swung open. The sudden movement startled you, which caused you to stumble back a bit, but Mat placed his hand on your lower back to keep you steady.
“Finally, you’re here,” your sister let out an over dramatic sigh and flung herself into your arms.
You hugged her back, “Hit a bit of traffic.”
Your sister scoffed as she pulled away from the hug, but kept her hands resting on your shoulders as she stood arms length away. She raised her eyebrows and looked over your shoulder, “I’m assuming he drove?” You nodded your head and your sister rolled her eyes, “Guess fastest skater doesn’t translate to fastest driver.”
You masked your laugh with a cough as you peered over your shoulder to see Mat’s face turning a deep shade of red.
Knowing how nervous Mat felt, you rolled your eyes and lightly shoved your sister’s shoulder, “There are laws we have to follow when driving.”
“Touchè,” your sister said as she stepped aside and let the two of you in, “Would be kinda cool if there was something in driving that was like the same as getting in a fight during a hockey game.”
“Are you condoning road rage?”
She shrugged her shoulders, not paying any mind to your question as she focused her attention on Mat, “I’ve seen you get pretty feisty out on the ice––”
“Oh, that’s enough out of you,” your mother chastised your sister as she walked in from the other room, “I told her to wait until the two of you were inside.” She playfully glared at your sister one last time before facing you and Mat with a glowing smile, “Mat, so nice to finally meet you in person.”
Mat set down both of the bags on the hardwood floor, “Thank you for inviting me over, my schedule isn’t always the easiest to work with, so sorry for the delay.” He held out his hand, but your mother batted it away and brought him in for a hug.
“No need to apologize,” your mom said with a smile as she pulled away from the hug, “We’re just happy you could make it here for a weekend.”
Mat smiled and shuffled toward you, but kept his arms stuck to his sides, “I’ve been wanting to come, and I know it’d make Y/N happy,” he looked down at you with a smile that you returned, “So I’m happy to be here.”
Your mom clasped her hands together in front of her and the corners of her eyes crinkled as she continued to smile, “You’re too sweet.” She then turned to look at your sister, “Go show Mat the guest bedroom so he can drop his bag off.”
With a nod, your sister was off, talking a mile a minute at Mat who looked petrified. But you gave him a knowing look, referring back to your conversation in the car, how your mom approves of anyone who makes you happy. With a shake of his head and a slight roll of his eyes, he followed your sister up the stairs to see where he would be staying; in a separate bedroom from yours.
You stood in the foyer with your mother in silence for a few seconds before she broke, “I love him.”
“Mom,” you directed your eyes up to where he was only a floor above and had the possibility of hearing.
She laughed as you followed her into the kitchen. You slid onto one of the barstools as she went to stand over the stove. She picked up a spatula and moved around the vegetables in the pan, as she looked over her shoulder, “He’s perfect for you.”
You slumped forward, and buried your face in your hands, something about this conversation with your mom felt as if you were transported back to high school. Peeking up from your hands, your mom was still staring at you with a smile on her face, “He’s pretty great.”
“There’s something about the way he looks at you,” your mom’s comment struck a chord that caused you to sit up straight.
“What do you mean?”
She shrugged her shoulders, “He just…He looks at you with a lot of admiration.”
“You’ve spoken three sentences to him.”
Your mom spun around and pointed the spatula at you as she playfully glared, “You don’t see the way he looks at you when you’re not looking at him. And I’ve noticed it on the FaceTime calls as well.” Her features softened, “You can see how much he cares.”
An electric jolt shot down the back of your spine as you bit the inside of your cheek to contain your smile. Her comments also made you curious. No one else had ever pointed out the way he looked at you, of course your mom pointed it out because she’s your mom…but no one else had.
Did that mean that his friends saw the way he looked at you? Did his teammates notice a difference in his demeanor whenever they saw you two together after one of his games? Did his family notice the way his eyes lingered on you for just a bit longer when you met them?
You didn’t doubt anything your mom told you, in fact, it only made you confident that your relationship with Mat was definitely one for the long run.
Playing off the semi-serious look she gave you, you let out a small laugh, “You’re falling in love with him faster than I did.”
The spatula your mom held fell against the pan with a clatter as she whipped around, “In love?”
With a slight nod, you let a smile overtake your face as butterflies filled your stomach, “Yeah…” you said softly as you remembered the night Mat told you. There weren't any grand gestures, nothing over the top, just the two of you on the couch––with Mat laying his head on your thighs as you ran your fingers through his hair––and it slipped out from him.
“Just as of a few weeks ago,” you fiddled with your thumbs, “Still a bit new, but yeah.” You looked up at your mom who looked like was on the verge of tears, “He makes me really happy.”
Your mom sniffled, “And that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
You smiled at her, but with the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs––and your sister’s nagging about how much time Mat spent in the penalty box last season––your mom picked up the spatula and went back to cooking. Soon enough, two more people came into the kitchen, and your sister picked up a task to help with dinner.
“Do you need help with anything?” Mat asked your mother as he stood next to you.
She waved him off, “No, no––Everything’s almost ready anyway, just relax, I know the drive was long.”
Mat looked down at you, as if asking you if there really wasn’t anything for him to do. Shaking your head, you patted the barstool next to you.
He slid in easily and his hand automatically rested on your knee. Normally, Mat was a very touchy person; whether it be a small hand on your back in public or his hands ventured further up your clothes in private, he always had some sort of physical contact with you. But in front of your family, he was stiff.
So naturally, he placed a hand on you that was out of sight from both your sister and mother.
“Has she harassed you about a hockey boyfriend yet?” You leaned in and whispered to Mat so neither one of your family members could eavesdrop.
Mat chuckled, but shook his head, “No. She did ask a million questions about hockey though, I think she’s trying to warm me up.”
“Keep your phone close, I wouldn’t put it past her to steal a few numbers out of it. She’s had her eye on Tito since she started watching the games.” Your tone of voice was joking, but Mat’s face looked terrified. You knocked your knee against his, “I’m kidding, she wouldn’t disrespect someone’s privacy like that.”
Mat squeezed your knee, which caused you to let out a small laugh, “I––”
He was cut off by the front door opening and a loud voice saying, “Are they here?”
Immediately knowing that your father walked through the door, Mat’s hand from your knee dropped and he moved his chair a few inches away from yours. You let your mouth drop at his actions, but found the whole ordeal hilarious.
You slid off the stool just as your father walked into the kitchen. He set down his work bag and smiled, “Hey, you.”
It only took a few strides to be over to your dad and in his arms for a hug. After a few seconds, he pulled away, and you just knew that he was looking at Mat. And you didn’t need to look at Mat to know that the fear of God was in his bones. He stumbled out of the barstool, placed both hands on the back of the stool to stop it from wobbling, and took a deep breath.
“Mathew,” your dad nodded at your boyfriend, “Nice to meet you.”
It wasn’t lost on you that he didn’t tack on the in person like your mom had. In your father’s eyes, he had yet to officially meet Mat, and considered this their first meeting, even though they had talked on FaceTime a handful of times. And if it wasn’t lost on you…You knew that Mat was overthinking it all in his head.
“It’s nice to meet you too,” Mat took a few steps forward and reached his hand out, and unlike your mother who waved off his handshake for a hug, your father reached out and shook Mat’s hand, “Thank you for inviting me for the weekend, I–-I know how much Y/N loves it here.” Mat nervously glanced over at you next to your father for reassurance, and you nodded your head as to say good job.
“We’re glad you could find some time in your schedule,” your father stiffly responded.
There was a part of you that felt bad for Mat. You knew how intimidated he was to meet your father face to face for the first time, but there was another part of you that wanted to laugh. Whenever you talked to your dad, there was always some part of the conversation that Mat was brought up in, and it was mostly by your dad. He admired Mat’s work ethic as a hockey player, and was a big fan of hockey himself, so it was a bit comical to see him acting disinterested toward Mat.
“Dinner’s ready!” Your sister yelled out as she carried a steaming hot pot and weaved in between the three of you.
“Does everyone have a drink?” Your mom called out as she carried a pan of vegetables over to the table.
“Is there something I can bring over?” Mat asked your mom as she set the vegetables down.
She smiled, “There’s a chicken in the oven if you can bring that over.”
Mat nodded, finally feeling like he was of use for something, “Of course.”
The two of you walked into the kitchen and Mat released the biggest breath you had ever heard. You let out a chuckle as you took oven mitts out of a drawer and handed them to him, “Alright there?”
As you took down two glasses, Mat slipped on the oven mitts,  “I think I was more nervous meeting your dad than I was for the draft.”
You let out a loud laugh as you started to fill the glasses with ice and water, “Don’t worry, he really likes you, trust me.”
“He called me Mathew.”
“And other people don’t?”
You knew where he was coming from, but you wanted to also show him that it wasn’t a big deal.
Mat opened the oven and carefully took out the chicken, “It’s your dad––everyone else called me Mat.”
With a roll of your eyes you picked up the waters and slowly walked toward the dining room with Mat at your side, “He’s just playing the dad card,” you hip checked him, “By the end of dinner I swear you’ll see it.”
Mat didn’t look convinced, but the conversation was dropped when the two of you entered the dining room. Mat set the chicken down on the table where your mom instructed and then sat down in the chair next to yours.
Dinner started normally; plates were passed around to be filled up, stories of your childhood were shared, and Mat was able to share some of his stories face to face with your parents rather than a FaceTime call.
Mat perfected the skill of acting suave, mastering easy conversation skills from all the times he’d done press interviews, but no one else was aware that Mat moved his chair a teeny bit closer to yours. And no one was aware how you were slightly sitting on the edge of your seat so that way it would be easier for Mat to hook one of his feet around your ankle.
Again, it was the physical contact that Mat always craved, but you also knew how nervous he was, and skin to skin contact made him feel calmer.
“So, Mat,” your dad started out, and when you heard him not use his full name, you pulled his foot toward you in an I-told-you-so way, “Hockey is quite the career.”
As if he knew that this conversation was leading for him to defend his atypical career path, Mat unhooked his foot from your ankle and straightened out his shoulders, “Yeah, it––Hockey isn’t a normal day job, but I can’t see myself doing anything else.”
“No school?”
From the corner of your eye, you saw Mat’s index finger rapidly tap against his thigh.
“I wasn’t very good at it––Not that school isn’t important, because it is,” he fumbled over his words, afraid that he said something wrong, “But when playing hockey professionally started to become a reality, I wanted to put all of my effort into that. Studying for a test was like doing a drill over and over again. Making friends was getting to know my teammates. Doing homework was working out at the gym and camps all year round. And now I…Now I play hockey professionally.”
Everyone at the table was silent as they took in Mat’s well thought out answer. To say the least, you were impressed with his answer, and by the relaxed look on your dad’s face, you knew he approved instantly.
Mat coughed awkwardly into his elbow, “I do have a high school diploma though.”
Your sister snorted at Mat’s attempt to prove that he has at least some level of education, albeit not a higher level of education, but education nonetheless. You stepped on her foot under the table and glared at her.
“That’s a very interesting way to look at it,” your dad took a sip of his water, “Being on a sports team––at any age––means you have a lot of dedication,  hardworking, have goals, and that you know a lot about teamwork.” Your father’s eyes shifted over to you momentarily before he regained eye contact with Mat, “And I respect that in a man.”
You could see the stress float away from Mat as he tried to hold back his smile, “Thank you, yeah it’s a lot of hard work, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.”
Your dad raised an eyebrow, “Nothing?”
Instead of panicking like you expected, Mat paused for a few seconds, “One thing,” he glanced over at you momentarily before looking back at your father with a small smile, “I would trade it for one thing.”
You ducked your chin into your chest in order to alleviate some of the attention, but it was a small table, and of course Mat was talking about you, so there was no use. But your sister wasn’t shy in stealing away the spotlight.
“Hockey,” she let out a low whistle, “A very demanding sport.”
Mat nodded, “It is, but you end up building a lot of stamina and you sometimes don’t feel the effects of it until you sit down on the bench for a bit.”
“It’s quite aggressive too,” your mom cut a piece of chicken up, “Between fights, getting smashed against the board….”
“Yeah it can be aggressive,” Mat laughed it off, “I mostly get hit in the face with pucks.”
Your mom and dad laughed at his quip before getting into a conversation of their own. And with your parents not paying full attention to the three of you, your sister decided to slip in another comment.
“High stamina and being aggressive?” she shot Mat a look and deviously raised her eyebrows, “I’m sure Y/N likes that.”
Mat spat his water back into the glass and started uncontrollably coughing into the crook of his elbow at the same time you dropped the metal silverware loudly on the ceramic plate.
Your parents paused their conversation, and your dad looked between you and Mat, “Everything alright?”
Mat held up his thumb as he still coughed, and you nodded your head frantically, stuck in a daze that your sister had the guts to say that at a family dinner.
“Everything’s fine,” your tone was high in pitch, but you knew your parents wouldn’t let the topic drop unless they got a verbal answer.
Your sister shot you a wink and a smug smirk as she nonchalantly picked up a few vegetables with her fork. And when you took a peak over at Mat, his face was redder than you had ever seen it. He could’ve played a full three periods of hockey, without any break time, and still wouldn’t be as red as he was now after your sister’s comment.
Luckily, the rest of dinner went without another crude, double meaning, comment from your sister. And when everyone was finished, it was all smiles and laughs as everyone pitched in to help. Mat teamed up with your mom on dish duty, taking it upon himself to wash the dishes. While you and your sister put the leftovers away, your dad wiped down the counters and swept the floor.
In no time, the kitchen was cleaned and everyone was off to the family room to relax, except you and Mat. A few of your high school friends decided to either stay local for college, or to move back to your hometown after graduation, and they were all very keen to meet up…Especially when you slipped it in that your boyfriend would be visiting with you.
You drove Mat’s car to the neighborhood bar where you had one too many nights where you couldn’t remember everything, but you knew they were all happy memories.
“So how many people are coming?” Mat asked as the two of you got out of his car and he locked the doors.
“Just a few,” you said as Mat came up next to you and slid his hand into yours, “You’re not nervous, are you?”
He shrugged his shoulders, “They’re your friends.”
You rolled your eyes as you came up to the front entrance. Mat opened the door for you and you dropped his hand to walk through, “You’ll be fine,” you stressed, “They don’t pay too close attention to hockey if you’re worried about that.”
Mat playfully glared at you, “Were you nervous to meet Tito and the rest of my friends?”
Seeing the point he was trying to make, you offered him an apologetic smile, “You’re right, I’ll stop downplaying your nerves.”
He squeezed your hand and looked down at you, “Nothing to apologize about, I just want them to like me.”
You leaned up on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek, “They’ll like you because I love you.”
At that sentence, Mat’s face lit up and he looked down at you with the kindest eyes, “I love you, too.”
It had only been a few weeks since the first I love you with Mat, but you knew you didn’t want to hear the words from anyone’s lips but his for the rest of your life.
Before you could get another word out, you distinctly heard one of your friends yell over the chatter of the bar, “With twenty-two goals and sixty-three assists during his rookie season, there’s the 2018 Calder Trophy winner!”
Mat’s face turned red as he looked down at you, “They don’t pay close attention to hockey, eh?”
You dropped his hand and softly punched his bicep, “I bet they have Wikipedia open right now.”
Mat threw his head back with laughter as he followed behind you to the table your friends currently occupied. You introduced everyone to Mat and he easily fell into conversation with them. It warmed your heart to see your friends taking so kindly to your boyfriend.
Even when Mat tried to decline your friends buying him drinks, they didn’t listen to him. One after the other, they walked up to the bar and always came back with two drinks in their hands.
“Now this one,” your friend Tyler pointed a finger at you, “Stood up on that bar,” his finger moved away from you and pointed at the packed bar counter, “And sang Dancing Queen at the top of her lungs when it came on for karaoke.”
You hid your face in the crook of Mat’s neck and his arm that was around your waist tightened as his chest shook with laughter, “The ABBA song?”
“Stole the show,” Tyler chuckled at the memory.
You lifted your head up from Mat’s shoulder, “In my defense, it was the first time I was of legal drinking age and I was having fun.”
“Don’t act like you haven’t done that before when you weren’t of legal drinking age.” Your other friend, Paige, said as she laughed before taking a sip of her drink.
“What?” Mat continued to laugh as he looked down at you, the corners of his eyes crinkling.
Even though you were embarrassed by your friends sharing stories that you only half-remembered, you couldn’t help but reciprocate Mat’s smile.
“We have a ton to fill you in on mister NHL-er,” Tyler clapped Mat’s shoulder with his hand and then got off his seat, “What are you drinking? I’ll buy.”
With everyone jumping at the chance to buy Mat a drink, he knew that arguing to pay for his own would be futile. So Mat said a simple, surprise me, and Tyler was off to the bar. Mat had gravitated to talking a lot with Tyler, who actually knew a lot more about hockey than you originally thought, so when he was gone, your friends jumped in on the chance to get to know him more.
And with Mat’s strong arm wrapped around your waist, and his thumb slowly rubbing circles into your side, you stared up at him in admiration. You had only been home for a day, but everything was going even more perfect than you imagined.
The night ended a few hours later, with you and Mat denying any drinks that were offered to you both after Tyler brought him his ‘surprise’ drink. Sober enough to drive the five minutes back to your house, Mat kept his hand in yours the whole way home.
It was only a quarter past midnight, and you were sure your sister was still up, but the two of you still entered as silent as possible. The two of you tiptoed up the stairs, and came to your room, which was closest to the stairs. Unfortunately for Mat, the guest bedroom was across the hall from your parents room.
Mat held both of your hands in his, eyes locked on your fingers that he played with, as you admired the small smile dancing on his face.
“I had fun tonight,” he whispered.
Your smile widened, “I had fun too,” you squeezed his hands, and he picked his eyes up to stare at you, “I’m really happy you’re here.”
“I think your parents like me,” he tried to hide his smirk, but failed miserably when you let out a soft chuckle, “They probably think I’m the best boyfriend you’ve ever had.”
You scoffed, “You’re getting cocky.”
Mat raised his eyebrows at you, “But am I the best boyfriend you’ve ever had?” His confidence was nothing new to you, but your mouth still dropped as he left you speechless. Mat’s smile widened, “That’s what I thought.”
You dropped one of his hands and whacked his chest, “You’re ridiculous.”
His laughter slowly faded away and the two of you were left standing outside your childhood bedroom door in silence. You so desperately wanted to tug on his hand and tell him to follow you into your room, but you knew he wouldn’t go against your parents wishes under their roof. While he acted a bit egotistical just moments ago about having your parents approval, you knew he was still terrified of them; especially of your father.
Slowly, he brought a hand up to cup your face, and let his fingers trail down your cheek. With his index finger placed under your chin, he tilted your head back so you had nowhere else to look but at his eyes.
His eyes were your favorite thing about him. Whether they were glazed over in the morning just after he woke up, slightly squinted in frustration as a penalty was called on him, or screwed tight when he laughed…His eyes were the first thing you fell in love with.
“I love you,” he whispered the exact phrase that was playing on repeat in your head.
“I love you more.”
Mat slightly laughed as he trapped your lips in an innocent kiss. You had trouble kissing him back with the smile on your lips.
He pulled away, his forehead against yours, as his eyes shined bright in the pitch black hallway, “Not a chance.”
You ignored his statement, because while you two could stand in this hallway and debate on who loved each other more until the sun came up, if Mat claimed to love you more…Than that meant the love he had for you was infinite considering how much you loved him. And it filled you with nothing but happiness.
You leaned forward and pressed another small kiss to his lips, “Goodnight, Mat.”
And for the third time that night, you felt his lips against yours. He pulled back with a smile, “Night, Y/N.”
You placed a hand on the handle and pushed it down, but you watched Mat walk down the hallway and to the guest room before walking into the room where you used to dream of having a boyfriend as wonderful as Mat. After you finished your nighttime routine, you pulled your covers back and crawled into bed.
While you set your morning alarm on your phone, a text from Mat caused your phone to vibrate. A smile erupted on your face as you clicked on it to read.
Can’t wait to see you in the morning…Love you :)
Sometimes, when you and Mat didn’t sleep together at night, you found yourself struggling to fall asleep. But with his text message, and knowing that he was only a few doors down, you slept peacefully.
––
You woke up a few minutes before your alarm, ready to start a new day. And while you didn’t rush your morning routine, you definitely got ready faster than normal. Once you were satisfied with your look, you quietly stepped out into the hallway and tiptoed down to the guest bedroom. Mat liked to sleep in when he didn’t have morning skate or a game, so you expected him to be laying on his stomach, face buried in a pillow, with one leg sticking out from under the covers.
But when you cracked the door open a little, you were surprised to see the bed fully made with no Mat in sight.
A small hmpf escaped your lips as you checked your phone. But the last communication you had with him was when you responded to his goodnight text. Curious to find out where he had gone, you made your way downstairs.
When you walked into the kitchen, you saw your mom sitting at the island drinking tea, and your sister leaned up against the counter with a bowl of cereal.
But there was still no Mat.
“Has anyone seen Mat?”
Your sister looked up from her cereal and smirked, “Good morning to you too.”
With a roll of your eyes, you took a mug down from the cabinet, picked out a tea bag, and poured the water from the kettle that was still hot. Cupping your hands around the warmth of the mug, you glared at your sister, “Morning.”
“He and your dad went on a walk,” your mom answered.
Your hands tightened around the mug to keep it from dropping to the ground, “What?”
“Oh don’t worry,” Your sister let out a laugh as she shoveled a spoonful of cereal in her mouth, “He looked scared to death when dad asked him to go.”
Ignoring your sister, you looked over at your mom with wide eyes, silently asking her if your sister was telling the truth. Your mom’s bashful smile confirmed it, “He did look a little…uneasy.”
With a groan, you leaned your head back, “He is absolutely terrified of dad.”
“With reason.”
You elbowed your sister in her side and looked at your mom for some reassurance. She set her mug down, “Your father likes him, he just wants some time to get to know him more.”
You took a sip of your tea and sighed. From talking with your dad, you knew that he was fascinated by Mat, but no matter how many times you tried to reassure him…Mat never believed you. Maybe this walk would be good for him, you thought to yourself, maybe this is what Mat needs.
The more you talked to yourself, you started to feel better. That was until your sister decided to share her input.
“I wished him luck before he went. Told him if it didn’t go well to not forget to say bye as he hightailed it out.”
An aggravated breath left your lips as you turned to face her, “Would it kill you to––”
But you were cut off when you heard the door open and laughter fill the front of the house. Your ears perked up and your sister sent you a sly smirk.
When your dad and Mat walked into the kitchen, they were all smiles, and Mat didn’t look the slightest bit nervous. A smile instantly brightened up your face when you saw Mat. His hair was a bit unruly, but he looked soft in his gray New York Islanders sweatshirt and gym shorts. And when Mat made eye contact with you, he smiled.
He made his way through the kitchen and leaned up against the counter next to you. His hip touched yours, and you felt like it was a win considering it was the closest thing Mat had done to show any public displays of affection in front of your family.
“Morning,” Mat smiled down at you.
“Hi,” you reciprocated his smile, “Have a nice walk?”
He nodded proudly, but before he could get a word out, your father spoke up.
“Next time I’m in New York, Mat, let’s meet up for dinner or lunch.” Your father spoke so nonchalantly as he poured himself a cup of coffee that it made you choke on your tea, “I’ll buy.”
You looked between your dad and Mat with wild eyes.
Mat let out a laugh and tucked his hands in the front pockets of his sweatshirt, “That sounds nice. If you’re all ever in New York, let me know and I’ll get you tickets for a game.”
Your parents and sister started their own conversation and you bumped your hip against Mat’s, which caused him to look down at you. With your eyebrows raised high, you repeated your question, “Have a nice walk?”
“I think he pretended not to like me at first,” Mat whispered, “But then we talked about fishing, and then hockey, life,” he tilted his back and forth as he listed the topics of conversation, “you.”
“Me?”
A single breathy laugh passed through Mat’s nostrils, “Of course you were a topic of conversation.”
“And?”
Mat shrugged his shoulders and took the cup of tea out of your hands and took a sip for himself. He looked straight ahead as he brought the mug down from his lips, “He said he likes me.” A smile lit up your face, but before you could say I-told-you-so, Mat handed the tea back to you, “He also told me not to fuck it up.”
You let out a laugh as you leaned your forehead against his bicep. When your laughter calmed down, you looked up at him through your eyelashes, “So far, I think you’re doing a pretty good job.”
“Oh, just a pretty good––”
“Hey, hockey player,” your sister cut Mat off, which caused both of you to pick your heads up to look at her. After a moment of silence, she wickedly smiled, “What’s your preferred alcohol of choice?”
“It’s literally not even nine in the morning,” you deadpanned.
Everyone in the kitchen laughed, but your sister defended herself, “It’s Saturday, I want to know in preparation for tonight.”
“Tonight?” Mat’s voice sounded just as confused as his face.
You rolled your eyes, “She wants to sit around the fire pit outside and drink.”
“That sounds fun,” He looked at your sister with a smile, “I’m not too picky, whatever you have is fine.”
As the day continued, everything went more smoothly than you could’ve ever imagined. Mat clearly got along with your family, which made you happier than ever, and you walked around your hometown with him. While you loved the dynamic Mat was creating with your family, it felt nice to have some alone time with him. Especially when he slipped his hand into yours and pulled you close.
And when you were back at the house, and the sun was just starting to set after dinner was all cleaned up, your dad and Mat went to start the fire pit outside. You grabbed a few blankets, your mom made sure there were seats for everyone outside, and your sister grabbed the bottle of wine and glasses.
The fire crackled as you pushed the screen door forward to walk outside. You set the blankets down on the backs of one of the chairs as you made your way over to Mat, who was sitting on a little bench. With a little skip in your step, you walked over and plopped down next to him.
With your head on his shoulder, he threw an arm around you and pulled you in close. You pressed a single kiss to his jaw, “What’re you drinking?”
He shrugged, “Whatever your dad is having.”
“Show off,” you snorted.
Mat’s shoulders softly shook with laughter, “Need to keep impressing him.”
“You play professional hockey,” it was your sister’s voice that took both you and Mat out of your own little world. She came over and handed you a glass of wine, “You can just breathe and he’ll be impressed with you.”
Mat’s face turned red and you gladly took the wine from your sister, “She’s not really wrong,” you said to Mat.
“But I––”
The three of you stopped talking when you heard the squeak of the screen door open. All eyes were focused on your mom walking out with your dad not too far behind, with two glasses of liquor in his hands.
Your mom sat down in a chair, with your sister giving her a glass of wine too, and your dad walked toward you and Mat.
“Hope you like whiskey,” your dad chuckled as he handed Mat a glass.
Mat nodded in appreciation, “This is perfect, thank you.”
As everyone got settled in their seats, you threw the blanket over you and Mat, because you knew that would be the only way for Mat to feel comfortable holding your hand in front of your parents. And your assumption was correct. With the fire, and it being the beginning of April, a blanket felt perfect, but you liked the way his hand felt between yours more.
“He poured you whiskey over ice,” you smiled into your wine glass, “He loves you.”
Mat tried to conceal his smile, but you knew how much it meant to get the approval of your dad.
That night turned out to be one of your favorite night’s ever. Everyone had themselves a good time drinking, your sister eventually brought out her speaker and played music, and everyone––including Mat himself––had a good laugh when they heard him shamelessly singing along to Drops of Jupiter.
Nothing could compare to the bliss you felt in that moment, holding Mat’s hand under the blanket, as everyone had the time of their life.
–––
Sunday night came sooner than expected and that meant your little vacation was close to an end. Both you and Mat had to get back to New York, but your parents––especially your dad––encouraged the two of you to come back whenever you felt like it.
You were stood by your mom as your dad and Mat were kneeling next to his tires, checking the air pressure.
After a few minutes of hushed conversation between them, that you tuned out, they both stood up. Your dad wiped his hands on jeans, “They seem fine to me.”
Mat looked a bit embarrassed as he brought one of his hands to rub behind his neck, “Yeah…I don’t know what happened. All of a sudden the light started to blink…”
“No worries at all,” your dad said, “Better to be safe than sorry. If it happens again, there are a few gas stations before you hit the highway.”
Mat nodded with a closed lipped smile, “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.” He then looked over at you, “Ready?”
With a nod, you gave your mom one last hug and promised that you’d see her again soon. And just when you let go of your mom and turned around to walk to Mat’s car, you saw your dad and Mat shake hands, before your dad brought him in for a small hug.
Your dad placed a small clap on Mat’s back before pulling away, “Take care,” his eyes fell on you for a brief second, before looking back at Mat, “Alright?”
Understanding the underlying meaning of what your dad meant, Mat nodded his head firmly, “Always.”
After saying bye to your dad, you and Mat hopped in the car for the second time. And this time, whatever light started to blink wasn’t there, and the two of you pulled out of the driveway, with your parents waving.
“Told you you had nothing to worry about,” You turned to smile at him.
Mat rolled his eyes, “Whatever.”
As he pulled up to a stop sign, you quickly leaned over and pressed a kiss on his cheek, “Thank you, again, for coming. It really meant a lot to my parents.” Mat sat at the stop sign and turned toward you as your voice dwindled off with your next sentence, “And it meant a lot to me.”
“You know I’d do anything for you,” Mat furrowed his eyebrows in seriousness, “And I had a really great time with your family.” He smiled as he picked up your hand, “I love you, you know.”
You squeezed his hand in appreciation, “I love––”
“Shit.”
A loud honk from behind––And Mat swearing––interrupted your sentence and it caused him to drop your hand, look both ways to make sure there was no oncoming traffic, and stepped on the gas pedal. You laughed at his face turning a deep shade of red as he slowed down his speed.
“It’s not funny.”
You leaned back in the seat and wiped a few tears from the corner of your eye, “It was so––you looked so scared––and you swore––”
“Whatever,” Mat grumbled, but there was a hint of a smile on his face, that you knew he agreed with you that it was a little funny.
Once your laughing settled down, you finished your sentence, “I love you, too.”
With his eyes straight ahead on the road, Mat blindly picked your hand up and gave it a squeeze, “You better.”
And it was that moment that made you realize you didn’t want to say I love you to anyone else, except for Mat, for the rest of your life.
–––
The trees were bare as you drove down the streets of your hometown. Your windows were rolled up to keep the frigid December air outside; and the sun was hidden beneath an array of clouds, just like the nonexistent smile on your face. And when you looked both ways as you came to a stop sign, you were reminded that there wasn’t a person accompanying you in the passenger seat.
Part of you thought about cracking the windows open slightly, because letting in the brisk air would make you feel something other than the numbness that had made a home in the center of your chest recently.
You tried to ignore the sting behind your eyes, but trying your hardest to not focus on everything that had happened in the last few weeks caused your mind to do the exact opposite. In a matter of seconds, you were only thinking about everything that happened nearly two weeks ago. Your frown deepened because how did everything blow up in your face.
Nearly two weeks ago, Mat broke up with you.
For you, it felt like it came out of nowhere. But for Mat, he said that he had been feeling it for a few weeks. It started off with Mat cautiously bringing up how he felt like he didn’t see you enough, then to you defending your work schedule and how hockey had started back up again, and by the end of the night, you had failed to hold back your tears as Mat kept apologizing about how he felt like the two of you were “growing apart.”
You left his place before he could give you another reason as to why he didn’t want to be with you, and a day and a half later, when you made sure he was at hockey practice, you picked up your stuff from his place and left your key on his counter.
The loud honk of a car horn from behind didn’t phase you in the slightest.
Carefully, you checked to make sure there weren’t any cars at the all-way stop, and drove off. You weren’t too far from your parents house, and spent the rest of the drive on autopilot.
Soon enough, you were in front of your old house. With your hands gripping around the steering wheel, you screwed your eyes tight and inhaled a deep breath; I’m fine, you repeated the lie in your head as you exhaled, I’m fine.
With a few more breathing exercises, you decided it was time to face your family. Opening the car door felt like ripping off a band aid as you took your duffle bag out from the back seat.
Sluggishly, you walked up the driveway to the front door. And with another deep breath, you silently whispered “I’m fine” to yourself before placing your hand on the handle to open the door. The first thing you saw was your sister sitting on the bottom step of the staircase.
She looked up from her phone with a surprised face, “You’re here early.”
You mustered up the smallest of smiles, “There was barely any traffic.”
Hesitantly, she nodded her head because she didn’t buy your lie. And she was right not to because you had requested the day off from work so you could get out of New York and to your family as soon as possible. Even though it was one of the most populated cities in the world, you felt suffocated by the thought of potentially running into Mat at any given time.
You needed out of the city like he wanted out of the relationship.
“How are––Are you––You know…” Your sister stumbled over her words, backtracking every time she was about to ask how you were because she knew the answer to that already. She apologetically smiled and itched the bridge of her nose, “Want a hug?”
You took an audible deep breath, and nodded, “Yeah.”
She kindly didn’t point out the way your voice cracked.
With her arms wrapped tightly around you, you squeezed her back as if you were about to fall off the Empire State Building. While your friends in the city had comforted you, there was nothing more comforting than a hug from a family member in a time of distress.
When she felt your grasp around her loosen, she took a step back, but kept her hands on your shoulder, “Do you want water? Or some tea?”
You shook your head and politely declined her offer, “I think I’m gonna put my stuff in my room and then come down.”
She nodded her head with a small smile and you turned around to head up the stairs.
Trudging up the stairs felt like it took too much energy than it should have, but you reasoned with yourself that between driving and being emotionally exhausted…It was fine to feel winded walking up the stairs.
You pushed open the door to your childhood bedroom, dropped your bag on the floor, and went straight to your bed. Unpacking your clothes could wait a few minutes.
Your head was buried into your pillows, the comforting scent of your childhood surrounded you, as you let out a shaky breath. Everything is fine, you repeated, I’m fine. But the more you kept saying the little mantra, the more you felt your throat tighten and the stinging behind your eyes intensify.
No, you scolded yourself as you sat up on your bed, no crying.
So you did your best to distract yourself; you decided to unpack. You absolutely hated to unpack your belongings, especially since you were only going to be home for the weekend, but you hated wrinkled clothing more. And that was your motivation to hang up all of your articles of clothing.
You had just finished hanging up your last sweater, but had let go of it too soon, so the sweater fell to the floor. Letting out an annoyed sigh, you bent down to pick it up, but something blue in the back of your closet caught your eye.
Holding your breath, you hadn’t seen that shade of navy blue in a few weeks.
With shaky hands, and your fallen sweater long forgotten, you grabbed the sweatshirt that was pushed in the back of your closet. And once you brought it out into the light, you sucked in a deep breath, because your thoughts were confirmed when you saw the familiar Islanders logo on the front.
It was as if that sweatshirt was the final key. The final key to unlocking the heart wrenching memory of the day that the relationship you thought would last forever…ended. All you could do was clutch the sweatshirt in your fist and remember.
You remembered the painful sting in your chest when you first arrived at his place and he slightly moved out of the way when you went in for a hug.  
You remembered the lightheadedness you felt when you realized that your worst fear was suddenly starting to become a reality.
You remembered the ringing in your ear when he asked if you felt it too.
“Feel what?” The words barely came out.
“This,” Mat stood at the other side of the kitchen as he gestured his hands between the two of you, “This-–This space. This disconnect.” You were left speechless as he rubbed his face with his hands, it didn’t look like he was enjoying himself having this conversation with you, and that left you even more confused.
“What––Where is this coming from?”
Mat was a very perceptive person, but he ignored the way your hands slightly shook in panic and how your breaths grew shallower.
“I’ve been feeling it for a few weeks,” he confessed in a strained voice, “We’re growing apart––I never see you anymore––”
You let out a laugh of disbelief, “Never see me? You––You just came back from a God knows how long road trip from the west coast!” You waited to see if he had anything to say, but he didn’t. “I work a typical nine to five job, I have time for you. But you––Hockey is––”
“Hockey’s what?” Mat’s voice was challenging as he carried himself across the kitchen to you. He narrowed his eyes, “Want to finish that sentence?”
With a sigh, you took a deep breath and squeezed your eyes shut. This is not happening, you repeated in your head, This can absolutely not be happening.
You opened your eyes and tried your best to remain calm, even though on the inside you could feel your soul shatter. And it would only take one vicious sentence from him to break absolutely everything inside of you.
“I don’t want to fight,” you took a deep breath because you knew whichever way this discussion went, a fight was bound to happen, “But I have time for you. I make time for you. I know hockey is demanding, I know it’s not a typical job, but if we both work at it, we can make more time for each other.”
“What time?” Mat let out an irritated laugh. You wanted to believe that he wasn’t irritated at you, and that he was irritated at hockey instead, but with his earlier confession of disconnection, you didn’t know what to believe.
“You just complained about me being gone for an extended amount of time.”
You picked at a loose piece of skin by your thumb, “I did, yes–—I know.” You let out a shaky breath, “But we talked, we FaceTimed, we kept up that connection.” You pleaded with him, “What do you––What can I do?”
The anger washed away from his face and you saw that it was replaced with remorse.
With his eyes casted downward, he frowned, “Is there…Is there anything left to do?”
You were left stunned at his ease of abandoning your relationship. In the time you had known Mat, he was never a quitter. He never gave up on anything he was passionate about, even with the trivial things that he didn’t quite care about, he always saw them through. He was an athlete…He never gave up on anything.
So why was he giving up on you?
When you took a step back, he whipped his head up to look at you. His eyes were red; full of pain and heartache as if he wasn’t the one surrendering. He took a step toward you, but like a dance, you took another step back.
“Mat, we’ve been together for over a year,” your voice wavered at the thought of all those months with him dissipating into nothing, “What is happening.”
His best response was to keep silent and shrug his shoulders.
Reality hit you like a ton of bricks. This is it, you thought to yourself, I’m losing the most important person in my life. A tear rolled down your cheek as you let out a hiccup from trying to hold your breath to stop the scratchiness in the back of your throat. You brought a hand up to cover your mouth.
“I hate seeing you cry,” he whispered softly.
“Then why––why are you doing this?”
Mat ran a hand through his hair and let out a deep breath as he leaned his head back to look at the ceiling, “It’s holding me back. Everything is just––I can feel it affecting me and it’s not what I want––”
You heard his reasons differently though, instead of ‘it’s’, you heard ‘you.’
You’re holding me back.
You’re affecting me.
You’re not what I want.
All while you felt your relationship was stronger than ever, Mat felt like it was falling apart at the seems.
“I’m sorry,” Mat sniffled, “I’ll always love you, but––”
You shook your head, “You––No.” You brought both hands up to rub away your tears, but when you dropped your arms down at your sides, the tears you washed away reappeared. “You can break up with me, this relationship can be over, whatever.” You glared at him, “But you cannot say that.”
Mat scoffed, “Say that I love you?” You nodded angrily as Mat flared his nostrils, “But I do! I can’t help that this is how I feel about our relationship now, but I loved you then and I love you now! Things just aren’t working now––”
“While I don’t like what I’m hearing, I’ll respect your feelings,” you choked out, “but you need to respect mine and not say those words to me.”
“I want you to know that I still feel love for you,” his voice trembled, “That I’ll always––”
“Then why are you quitting on us?!”
“Because I feel like I never see you!” Mat threw his hands up in the air, “Sure, we can love each other, but what about the actual connection of a relationship? Furthering something that we can make a future out of?”
“I’m always here for you in New York when you get back,” you clenched your jaw, “We see each other as often as possible between our schedules! What do you––Do you want me to come out to away games?” You raised your eyebrows at him, “Because while I wish I could be at every one of your games, I can’t. I have a job. Just like you have a job––”
Mat scoffed, “So it all comes back to hockey?”
“Maybe if you put in a bit more effort, you wouldn’t feel this way.” You fired back.
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, really,” your voice softened when you saw his eyes betray him for a moment. Instead of the fiery eyes that burned through you like a wildfire, you saw eyes that looked one sentence away from breaking a dam of tears. And while you wanted him to feel every ounce of betrayal and heartbreak that you were going through, there was a piece of your heart that still loved him too much to put him through that kind of pain.
So instead, you said what you were feeling, which had the possibility to cause the same damage if you had just berated him.
“If hockey is your one true love in life, then that’s great,” you failed miserably at faking a smile, “I’m happy for you. Happy that you found something you can fully commit to and put in effort to make work even when it would just be easier to quit.”
Mat almost reached a hand out to you, but brought it back down to his side after a second thought, as he softly shook his head and whispered, “You know that’s not true–-”
“But it is,” you wiped away dry tears from your cheek with the heel of your palm, “And it’s…Whatever. It’s whatever, but if you don’t put that same effort into your relationships with people––If you don’t prioritize the right things in life––then you’ll end up alone and unloved.”
Mat stood frozen in the middle of his kitchen. And when he snapped out of whatever trance he was under, all he could manage was to shake his head as a single tear fell down his cheek, “You know I’d do anything for you.”
You bit the inside of your cheek, “I’m not asking you to give up hockey. I’d never do that because I know how happy it makes you and it’s your career,” you gave him a weak smile because the realization set in, “But I think that last sentence is a lie.”
“I just––” Mat pinched the bridge of his nose, “Something is off, we’re not the same––”
You shook your head, tuning out more reasons why the man you loved more than life itself didn’t want to be with you anymore. You walked over to where your bag hung over the back of a chair, picked it up, and then walked toward the front door for your shoes.
“Where are you going?”
Once your shoes were securely on, you turned to face him one last time. He looked as if he also couldn’t believe that this relationship was over, even though he was the one who pulled the trigger. His mouth was slightly agape, eyebrows raised in anxiousness, and eyes filled to the brim with tears.
“Home,” you said matter-of-factly, “I really don’t want to hear more reasons why I wasn’t enough.”
“Y/N, I’m sorry––”
You were out the door before he finished his sentence.
“Y/N,” a voice pulled you out of the nightmare that was doomed to play on repeat in your mind for the rest of your life, “Y/N?”
You blinked a few times to see your mom kneeling in front of you. She had a hand placed on your thigh and her eyes were filled with concern. But when her eyes flicked down to what you were clutching on for dear life in your hands, her face dropped as she looked back up at you, “Oh, sweetie…”
“I’m fine,” you sniffled as you itched your cheek. But when you scratched your skin, your cheek felt damp, and upon further inspection of wiping away the wet substance on your cheek, it dawned on you that you were crying.
“Y/N…” your mother repeated your name cautiously, expecting you to hit your tipping point soon.
With a shake of your head, you folded the sweatshirt up. But with the way your hands shook, the folding wasn’t even and the sleeve poked out a bit, so you unfolded the sweatshirt just to re-fold it again, “I’ll donate this somewhere.” The sweatshirt was still uneven, so you refolded it again, “I’m sure someone would buy it fast, it––It’s in good condition––”
Your mom tried to take the sweatshirt away, but you tugged it back toward your chest, refolding it again.
“New York teams are pretty––pretty popular,” you let out a hiccup as your vision started to blur, “I––maybe I can bring this back with me? Give it away as a birthday present?” Your chin wobbled as you felt your breathing come out uneven, “It’ll make someone happy, right?”
Your mom gently grabbed you by the wrist to stop your folding of Mat’s sweatshirt. Sitting on the floor, by the edge of your closet in defeat, you clenched your jaw tight as you sucked in a deep breath. Finally, you looked up at your mom through your teary vision and tried to sniffle away your runny nose.
“It’ll make someone as happy as he made me.”
She didn’t have to say anything for you to bring his sweatshirt––one that still smelled like him––up to your face as you openly sobbed.
You had been in other relationships, loved other people, been upset when those relationships ended…But you had never loved someone as much as you loved Mat. You thought that Mat was your forever––the person that the universe specifically made just for you––But you lost him.
Your mom wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you into her chest. Easily, you fell into her and continued to cry as you clutched the last remaining piece you had of him close to your chest. Your mom didn’t say anything as she cradled you; she knew that no words could mend this feeling of cataclysmic heartbreak, so she simply offered you her presence and a shoulder to cry on.
“I––Mom, what did I do wrong?” While your words were muffled in his sweatshirt, she heard you loud and clear, and it broke her heart.
She shushed you as she ran a hand up and down your spine, “You did nothing wrong, absolutely nothing…”
“But he––We’re not––I thought that he was the one,” you peered up from the sweatshirt, eyes puffy and irritated from crying, to see tears welled up in your mom’s eyes. You wanted to ask her why she was crying, but an all too familiar pain ripped through your chest as you let out a whine, “Mom.”
Again, she brought you back into her chest and held you close.
“I––I told him he would end up alone and––and unloved,” you tried to speak through the tears, but your erratic breathing made it hard to get a full sentence out without it sounding chopped up.
She shook her head, “We all say things when we’re upset.”
“No, I––I told him that because I––I don’t want anyone else to love him,” you let out a whimper, “I wanted to be…Want to be the only person who loves him like that.” You blinked a few times to look up at your mom and frowned when you saw her tear stained cheeks, “Why are you crying?”
Your mom let out a small laugh and wiped under her eyes “I feel every heartache you go through,” she sniffled and tried her best to offer you a reassuring smile, “If he couldn’t recognize how great of a person you are, then you’ll find someone else who will.”
“But he’s the only one,” you sat up, continued to hug his sweatshirt close to your chest, and reciprocated her sad smile, “I don’t want to fall in love with anyone else.”
Knowing that the heartache you felt was still fresh, your mom knew that no matter how much she tried to convince you that you would find someone else, it would be useless. “I know,” she swiped her thumb under your eye, catching the last of your tears, “Why don’t you take a nap, I’ll come up when it’s dinner.”
You nodded and made your way over to your bed. Once you were under your covers, the blankets tucked right under your chin, your mom shut off your lights and softly closed the door.
While you should’ve knocked out in a few seconds, every time you closed your eyes, all you saw was Mat listing reason after reason why he didn’t want to be with you. Your own personal hell. So, while your eyes stung from crying your heart out, you kept them wide open as you stared at the ceiling out of fear of what you would see when they closed.
A few hours had passed and there was a knock on your door. You let out a small, come in, and saw your dad walk in.
Slowly, you sat up, wiping away a few stray tears, and let out a chuckle when he placed a glass down on your nightstand, “Whiskey over ice?”
He offered a sympathetic smile, “The best cure for what you’re going through.”
For what you’re going through, he said it as if he was still in denial of your break up. Which was fair, because you had never seen your dad warm up so fast to one of your boyfriends.
“Dinner’s ready,” he said, “If you’re feeling up for it.”
You smiled in appreciation, “Thanks, but I’m not too hungry…Might try to sleep some more.” Your dad raised his eyebrows, “I’ll eat in the middle of the night when I wake up, promise.”
He smiled and gave in to your promise as he retreated toward the door. He was halfway out when he decided to stick his head back in, “You know, I never really liked him.”
It was the first genuine laugh you had let out in weeks. Because both of you knew how much of a lie that was.
Whenever your dad was in New York, he texted Mat and they would meet up for a meal or drinks, and sometimes they wouldn’t include you in plans. Your dad never missed an Islander’s game, and for his birthday, Mat had gifted your dad a signed Barzal jersey as a joke. They had their own relationship, and in turn, it contributed to the happiness you felt with Mat.
But nonetheless, your dad was always on your team.
After his comment, he slowly shut the door like your mom had done earlier, and this time, you really did try your best to sleep.
Sleep had been impossible since Mat broken things off with you. It took everything in you not to call his number and have him talk you to sleep most nights. And you wished that deleting his number would be enough, because even if you had deleted it, you had it memorized and could easily dial his number with your eyes closed.
But with his sweatshirt that you still held close to body, sleep came a little easier.
PART TWO
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