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kingkatsuki · 2 years

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Squirting | Bakugou Katsuki x Midoriya Izuku x Reader

𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 - 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐢𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐚 𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐬𝐦.

Kinktober masterlist.

Summary: Midoriya is having trouble trying to make you squirt, luckily for you Bakugou is on hand to teach him exactly how to do it.

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Midoriya Izuku x f!reader.

Warnings: 18+, pwp, cucking (kinda), fingering, squirting, dirty talk, one little bit of degradation, praise, multiple orgasms, Bakugou is v v mean to Deku and very much in love with reader, not proofread!

Word Count: 4.5k.

Your sex life with Midoriya was satisfactory, sometimes it felt like you shouldn’t complain. Hearing stories over drinks with Momo, Mina and Jirou about their conquests or relationships and the Pro-Hero men that couldn’t even find time for them during busy work weeks, nevermind find time to copulate, you felt lucky that you’d ended up with Midoriya Izuku. Because at least if nothing else, he scheduled intimate time for you both. Even marked it on a little calendar you kept pinned to your kitchen fridge, giggling over the word “smash” written on every other Sunday.

What did it matter if you had to fake a few orgasms, pretending to finish early so he wouldn’t continue fucking into your tight heat when you were bored and on the edge of climax. Waiting patiently for him to reach his peak before scurrying off to satisfy yourself in the shower. You were content, and that’s all that mattered.

Over time you’d both had conversations about spicing things up in the bedroom. Talking about various kinks or positions you’d like to try, Midoriya mentioned a certain roleplay scenario where you pretended to be a damsel in distress with Pro-Hero Deku swooping in to save you, thanking him for his service with your pussy. In exchange, you’d revealed one of the things you wanted to try more than anything else was to see if he could help you squirt.

Of course, Midoriya immediately began to research how to pleasure you. He wouldn’t be the perfect, dutiful boyfriend otherwise. But all the pages he seemed to read online, the videos he watched, nothing seemed to help in his endeavour to make you squirt. So in the last ditch effort, he decided to pick a friend who would be willing to help, someone he could trust, someone with no strings attached—

“Bakugou?” You tugged at the hem of the Deku shirt you were wearing, trying to pull it further down your thick thighs, “What are you doing here?”

“You didn’t even tell her?” Bakugou stood, mouth agape in your shared bedroom, turning to give his friend a glare, “Fuckin’ Deku.”

“I told her! But we hadn’t arranged a day yet…” Midoriya mumbled shyly, lingering by the door.

“The most basic thing you could do and you didn’t even do that.” Bakugou scoffed.

“No, no. I promise, she knows!” Deku continued, “She wants to. We’ve discussed it.”

You wished he’d had the courtesy to at least shoot you a text, you would’ve had a few minutes to mentally prepare yourself or if nothing else put on a cute set of lingerie. You suddenly felt so vulnerable in front of the number two hero, wondering whether he really wanted to be here or if he had been promised something in return like you had with Midoriya’s fantasy.

“Do you want me to leave?” Bakugou looked at you as though you were the only person in the room, wanting to know what you wanted him to do.

“No,” Your face felt flush as he gave you a sly smile.

You looked like an innocent lamb prepared for the slaughter, and Bakugou felt like the big bad wolf ready to devour every inch of you. He felt debauched when Midoriya had approached him in his office one evening to ask for his help with something, already prepared to say no before he’d even heard what it was. But thank whatever Gods above that he didn’t, because it meant that he was now standing in the same room as you.

“Okay, sweetheart. Guess I’m stayin’,” Bakugou gave you a soft smile as he took a step closer to you, “You wanna tell her, or can I?”

“You can,” Midoriya came to stand beside Bakugou as you sat at the foot of their bed.

You weren’t naive, you could see there was a reason that the hulking Pro-Hero Dynamight was standing in your room and that you’d discussed with your boyfriend numerous times. You just hadn’t expected him to bring home the man tonight, you felt completely unprepared and an apprehensive ebb swirled inside your tummy. You couldn’t deny you’d held a crush on the Pro-Hero since Midoriya had introduced you years ago, it was hard not to when he was absolutely gorgeous. Aging like a fine wine as the number two seemed to hold a similar soft spot for you in return. But you’d never expected to act on it, so this moment had your heart fluttering in anticipation.

“Deku said you wanted help with somethin’?” Bakugou continued, “Said he wanted help to make you cum?”

The blatant explanation had your cheeks flushed and your cunt throbbing from his crude tone, biting down on the inside of your cheeks to stop the debauched moan from leaving your lips.

“To squirt-” Midoriya clarified.

“Same fuckin’ thing.” Bakugou rolled his eyes, moving to squat in front of you at the foot of the bed. His large palms pressed against your thighs as vermillion eyes stared up at you softly, gauging your reaction, “So? Do you want me to help you squirt, sweetheart?”

His palms felt warm against your skin, making you wonder how much warmer they’d be just before he ignited them for his quirk or in the sudden aftermath. Wondering if they’d be warm enough to scorch your skin and leave a mark, a reminder of your time together. You felt him squeeze your supple skin softly as he waited for your answer, obviously wanting consent before he continued further. You gave him a gentle nod as you worried your bottom lip between your teeth.

“‘m gonna need to hear you say it, princess.” Bakugou pressed, “Deku does too.”

“Yes,” You replied simply, watching Bakugou’s lips curl into a grin as he began to soothe his hands along your thighs, the calloused palms catching against your softness as he groaned low in his throat.

“Do you have a safe word?” You scrunched your nose slightly at the question, you’d never really felt the need for one with Midoriya before. The positions and kinks you’d both explored in the bedroom hardly warranted one, and often if you just told him to stop he would.

“No.” You whispered.

“Jesus,” Bakugou turned his head to glare at Midoriya, “Do you guys do anything?”

“We do—” Midoriya countered, “We just never need one. She says stop and I stop.”

“Well, I’m gonna fuckin’ need one.” Bakugou turned back to you, “If I do anything you don’t like, or it’s too much and you want to stop. Anytime, say boom. You got that?”

You found yourself nodding before you remembered what Bakugou had said before, “Yes.”

He grinned up at you, “What’s the safe word?”

“Boom.”

“Good girl.” The praise sent a jolt of electricity directly to your clit as you tried to squeeze your thighs together to give yourself some much-needed friction. A movement that didn’t go unnoticed by Bakugou as he gave you a coy smirk, “Don’t worry, sweetheart. We’ll get to you in a second, okay?”

“What if she says boom during- you know? By accident?” Midoriya mumbled.

“What? You’ve fucked her so good you’ve got her screaming ‘boom’?” Bakugou snorted.

“Well, no but-”

“So I think she’ll be safe,” Bakugou stroked your cheek, “What do you think, sweetheart? You wanna change the safe word?”

“No,” You whispered, earning a grin from Bakugou.

“Atta girl,” He squeezed your thigh in confirmation as he turned his attention back to Midoriya.

“What do you actually do together?” Bakugou snorted, “Do you even know where the clit is?”

“Of course I do,” He mumbled, “I’ve made her cum.”

“What about the g-spot?” Bakugou continued, uncaring for Deku’s endeavours in the bedroom as he was more enticed by the sight of you nervously staring down at him.

“The what?” Midoriya mumbled.

“Jesus.” Bakugou rolled his eyes, “No wonder you need fuckin’ help.”

Bakugou stood from his position between your thighs as he held a warm hand out to you to move you to stand.

“Will you take your shirt off for me and get on the bed?” His gruff voice was soft as you found yourself nodding before he’d even finished asking.

Moving your hands down to the hem of the shirt you were wearing to leave yourself in your pair of cotton panties.

“Is this part of it?” You whispered.

“Nah, I just wanted to see your pretty tits.” He grinned as you saw Deku scrunch his nose in irritation behind you.

Bakugou had a completely warped sense of power having you completely naked while he remained fully clothed. Also seeing you sat there in what was obviously a shirt you’d stolen from Deku had him irritable, not wanting to make you climax while you were wearing the shirt of another Pro-Hero. It was bad enough that you weren’t his in the first place, you deserved better.

“You’re so pretty,” Bakugou groaned as he stood beside the bed, eyes roaming your exposed skin, “Deku’s so fuckin’ lucky, ain’t he?”

You looked over at your boyfriend who was watching the scene intently, a sweet smile on his face when his gaze met yours, an evident bulge thick in his pants.

“Do you mind if I touch you a little first, to help you relax?” Bakugou moved to kneel on the bed between your thighs as he hovered over you, still fully clothed.

“Don’t kiss her,” Midoriya called out from behind.

“Shut up, Deku. You wanted me here, you don’t get to bark orders at me now.” Bakugou spat, but to your disappointment, he avoided your lips as he pressed a gentle kiss against your collarbone.

“This okay?” He whispered as he reached up to cup one of your breasts tentatively, your nipple pebbling beneath his palm as you released a soft sigh.

The calloused pads of his fingers moved to pinch the sensitive buds as he twirled and twisted them between his digits, pulling more pretty noises from your throat as he felt his cock throbbing beneath his sweats.

“You like that, huh?” Bakugou smirked, leaning down to capture the other between his lips as his teeth grazed the sensitive skin. Shamelessly clenching your thighs together as your hand immediately moved to the back of his head to thread your fingers through his messy mop of hair, nails grazing his scalp as you tugged roughly. Causing Bakugou to groan against your skin, sending pleasurable vibrations through you.

“Is this necessary?” Midoriya spoke as he sat down on the bed on the other side, causing Bakugou to pull back from your chest with a snarl. The cool air in the room cooled Bakugou’s spit against your nipple as you shivered beneath him.

“You want me to get her to squirt when she ain’t even horny?” Bakugou scoffed, “You slide it in dry, dumbass?”

“We have lube.” Midoriya mumbled, “If it’ll help?”

“Fuckin’ hell.” Bakugou pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to control his temper, were you really happy with this idiot? “If she’s turned on, it’ll be easier to make her squirt. You know that right?”

“Oh-” It was as though a lightbulb had been illuminated in Midoriya’s mind, as you knew he was probably fighting the urge to grab his phone to take notes, “I get it, keep going.”

“We’re gonna take these off so I can help Deku make you feel good, sweetheart. Is that okay?” Bakugou thumbed the edge of your basic panties, wishing you’d picked one of your sexier pairs today but he was still staring down at you with the most intoxicated look in his eyes.

“Yeah,” Bakugou began to tug the cotton down your thighs as he noticed the silvery strings of slick connected between you and the fabric. Wondering if he’d manage to commandeer them by the end of the night as a depraved souvenir, “Fuck.”

In hindsight, it was probably a terrible idea for Bakugou to agree to this when he was so completely in love with you. If he had asked Kirishima for his opinion before answering he knew his best friend would’ve shot it down in an instant. Telling him not to get himself involved and end up hurt, that having a taste of you would only make him want you more. And now Bakugou could confirm this was true. It was as though he’d been led through the gates of heaven and been shown paradise, and now he didn’t want to leave. The moment he’d coveted for so long was finally happening, and now he’d had a taste of you it wasn’t enough. He was greedy.

“I’m not sure I can do it, I’ve never before-” You mumbled shyly.

“That’s cause shitty Deku doesn’t know how to do it,” Bakugou replied with a grin.

“No, I mean. I’ve never- even with myself—“ You trailed off, hoping you wouldn’t have to be subjected to the embarrassment of explaining.

“Oh fuck,” Bakugou groaned, “That’s so hot. You been trying to make your pretty little pussy squirt all by yourself, sweetheart?”

You gasped at his blunt words and how they had your clit throbbing harshly.

“How have you been trying to do it? You got toys or you use those little fingers?”

“Both. Mostly m-my fingers,” You whispered. You’d tried toys before but none had been tailored specifically to help women squirt, little bullet vibes or clit-sucking vibrators that seemingly did little to help in your endeavour.

Bakugou sucked in a breath at your response, trying to stop himself from cumming in his pants at the admission as he imagined you alone in your bed trying desperately to get yourself off with your little fingers and silicone toys to no avail. Oh, he’d show you how to cum and he’d have you cumming hard.

“You’re pure sin, sweetheart. Pure fuckin’ sin.” Bakugou groaned, “Don’t worry, Dynamight’s got you now.”

Bakugou moved his fingers to stroke against your outer labia, groaning at how soft you felt as he began to spread your folds between his thumb and forefinger as he caught sight of your tiny clit peeking out for him. Shamelessly staring at you as he committed the sight to memory, knowing that this would be the subject of his motivations on those lonely nights when he’s fucking his fist to the thought of you.

Dragging his fingers between your folds as the calloused tips caught your clit, causing your hips to buck as he continued lower. Circling your tight entrance as he began to press his middle finger inside you, feeling your tight walls beginning to squeeze around him.

Shit, you were so tight. Did Deku even fuck you at all?

“She’s so tight,” Bakugou mumbled through clenched teeth as he began to wiggle his finger inside you.

“I know,” Midoriya grinned as he watched his friend touch his girlfriend.

Bakugou continued languidly pumping his finger inside you as you felt his blunt nails dragging along the ridges of your walls, sweet whines spilling from your lips as he finally managed to slide another inside you to begin stretching you out around him. He was tempted to swoop down to taste you, but he didn’t want Midoriya to stop him before he’d even begun as he continued pumping his fingers inside you. His thumb pressed against your puffy clit as he heard the sinful groan that left your body, your walls clamping down around him as he watched your eyes clench shut in pleasure.

“When she gets close you wanna start curling your fingers towards you.” Bakugou curled his fingers as he pressed them against the spongy spot inside you.

“Curl my fingers?” Midoriya mumbled.

“Yeah? Like this,” Bakugou pulled his soaked fingers from your cunt as he showed them to Deku, his cock throbbing at how they glistened beneath the lights in the room as you made a sound of irritation at the loss of contact.

“Don’t whine, baby, don’t whine. I gotcha. I’m not gonna leave you unsatisfied.” Bakugou smirked, moving them to slip back inside your body, “Gotta show this dumbass how to please you right, don’t I?”

You sighed as he resumed position, continuing to pump his fingers inside you as you felt the tightness continuing to build in your stomach as he worked you towards your climax.

“And if you wanna speed things up you can put your palm here,” Bakugou moved his free hand to press against your pelvis firmly, increasing the tension as you bucked your hips, “See? Doesn’t that feel good, sweetheart?”

“Yeah,” You choked on a gasp as your walls began to tremor around his fingers, Midoriya’s cock throbbing in his pants at the sight as he palmed himself through the fabric.

Bakugou’s fingers were constant on the same spot inside you, flicking his wrist with each pump as he felt your legs trying to clamp down around him. His thick thighs pressed between them to stop you from avoiding the sensation as he continued his precise movements.

“I feel funny.” You tremble, your hands fisting the sheets beneath you as you feel like you might need to pee. The shame and embarrassment throbbing inside you as you try desperately to hold yourself back, cowering away from your bliss.

“Don’t fight it, sweet girl.” Bakugou cooed gently, “Just let it happen.”

An unfamiliar sensation began to swirl in your pelvis, the coil inside you tightening as you cried out, writhing against the sheets as the sensation began to consume you.

“Stop, oh my god. It’s too much.” Tears began to cling to your lashes as you thrashed beneath Bakugou, his hand against your pelvis keeping you steady as he continued his movements.

“She said stop,” Midoriya’s eyes were wide with worry as Bakugou definitely did not stop.

“She’ll tell you to stop, but she’s got a safe word for a reason. Don’t you, sweetheart?” Bakugou pressed, vermillion eyes looking up at your face, “Do you wanna use the safe word?”

“No,” You managed to choke out, “Oh my god-”

Bakugou kept his thumb constant against your clit as his fingers continued beating against the same spot inside you repeatedly.

Your climax came so abruptly that you didn’t even register it at first, a jumbled mixture of words tumbled from your lips as you felt yourself come undone. Your mind was hazy with euphoria as both men stared between your thighs unabashedly, watching the clear stream of liquid spurt from your cunt and soak the sheets beneath you.

Tears began to stream down your temples as Bakugou pulled his fingers from your spent body, his thumb rubbing soothing circles against your puffy clit to help ease you down from your high as Midoriya stared down at you in awe.

“Wow,” Midoriya whispered breathlessly as he stared down at the filthy sight in front of him, the sheets damp beneath you as you tried to blink back the white spots that blanked your vision.

Watching his friend doing such illicit things to you shouldn’t have made him feel so needy, so desperate. Groaning beneath his breath as he watched the steady rise and fall of your chest as you tried to regain your breath, reaching out to palm one of your tits as you sighed blissfully.

“Good girl,” Bakugou squeezed your hip softly, his grey sweats now soaked with your arousal, “Did it feel good?”

Your walls continued throbbing as you nodded your head, your entire body aflame as both men stared at the mess between your thighs.

“Fuck it,” Bakugou loomed over you as he brought his lips down to your messy slit, dragging his tongue between your folds.

You jolted in surprise as your lips parted in a muted cry, feeling his tongue prodding against your tight entrance as he lapped at your release like a man starved.

“You already made her do it” Midoriya mumbled as he palmed his cock, his boxers felt as wet as the sheets beneath you as he tried to adjust his skin against the sticky fabric, “It’s my turn now right?”

He sounded like a child asking to play with a toy at Christmas, his palm wrapped around your thigh as he tried to pull you in his direction. Feeling Bakugou’s lips curve into a snarl against your cunt as he growled in irritation.

“Listen, I’m helping you out it’s the least you could do.” Bakugou pulled back from your cunt with a smirk, his chin glistening with your essence as he crudely wiped it off with the back of his hand, “Alright your turn, dumbass. Let’s see if you learnt anything.”

“Okay,” Bakugou moved to give Midoriya more room as your boyfriend settled between your thighs, his hands stroking against your soft skin as he gently dragged his fingers through your slit.

“Do you think you can do it again for Deku, angel?” Bakugou cooed as he lay beside you on the bed, his scent intoxicating as the warmth of his body heat began to surround you.

“Mmm, yeah.” You hummed, breathing a soft sigh as you felt Midoriya press a solo finger inside your fluttering walls.

“Is that good, baby?” Midoriya whispered as he began to pump it inside your pliant body, feeling your walls throbbing around him as you nodded your head.

“More,” You mumbled, keening as Midoriya happily obliged. Two fingers now pumping inside you as you began to roll your hips to meet his movements, feeling the pleasure beginning to build inside as you climbed towards the same peak.

“So fingers against her g-spot.” Bakugou guided, his hand moulding your breast, uncaring that it was covered in your drying slick as he thumbed your nipple. Your back arched off the bed as you leaned into his touch.

“Where?” Deku mumbled.

“Jesus,” Bakugou rolled his eyes as he moved back between your thighs to settle beside Midoriya, “Did ya not listen to anything I just fuckin’ told ya?”

“No, no, I did.” Midoriya mumbled, “I mean I can’t find it.”

You could feel Midoriya’s fingers messily jabbing inside you as they searched for the coveted spot, shifting uncomfortably beneath him as his nails began to catch against your spongy walls.

“Fuckin’ dumbass,” Bakugou grunted as he gave a final, lingering squeeze to your tit before shifting his body to settle back beside Midoriya, shouldering him roughly to make room between your thighs. Taking one of his fingers as he hooked it inside you beside your boyfriend's, the sensation causing you to gasp as both men filled you up. Bakugou deliberately wriggled his digit until it pressed against the exact spot inside you, almost as though it was already muscle memory, Midoriya following suit as he felt the smooth ridge along your walls.

“That— right there.” Bakugou groaned as he watched your face contort in pleasure, “See how much she likes it?”

Thrashing against the bed as you leaned into their touch, “More.”

Feeling the extra stimulation from the stretch of both men inside you at the same time as they continued to press against the spot, attempting to match each other’s rhythm but it was still off-kilter as Midoriya pressed away from you as Bakugou pressed against it. The sloppy movement actually left you feeling even hotter and bothered as neither allowed you a moment of respite, moaning sinfully as you felt the pleasure building inside you once more.

“Slutty girl,” Bakugou smirked, watching your face contort in pleasure as he kept his movements consistent.

Midoriya had never called you anything like it, and it left you feeling warm and craving the sound again. Wanting to hear Bakugou spew all kinds of filth against the shell of your ear as he helped you vault into the feeling of pure ecstasy.

“Put your hand there, man. Let her feel it— that’s it.” Beckoning Midoriya to place his hand on your pelvis to try and increase the tension building between your thighs while simultaneously holding your writhing body steady, “You like both of us at the same time, hah?”

“Fuck,” You choked on a gasp as a jolt of pleasure surged through you to descend directly to your core.

“Keep hitting it, she’s clenching.” Bakugou continued, flicking his wrist with more urgency, “She’s close, you gonna show Deku how pretty you are when you’re squirtin’ for him, yeah?”

“Yeah,” You cried out, the pleasure inside you overwhelming as you felt yourself being thrust into your bliss until the sensation was promptly stolen from you. Groaning indignantly as you felt tears welling in your eyes at the loss of sensation.

“Fuckin’ idiot.” Midoriya pulled away early, causing Bakugou to curse under his breath as he swiftly added another finger to resume his friend's movements.

Midoriya’s eyes widened as he spewed our apologies, resuming his movements inside you, “I thought she already came.”

“Just keep goin’ you’ll know when she’s done,” Bakugou snarled, biting his tongue to stop himself from starting a fight with his friend just as you were at the height of your climax.

“I’m gonna- I’m- oh my god,” The sensation was so overwhelming as you were plunged into paradise. Screaming as pleasure consumed you, your walls clamping down around both men's fingers as you came undone. You didn’t think you’d be able to squirt twice in a row, but you were proved wrong as a stream of liquid began to seep from your body.

Both men kept you riding through the pleasure as more clear spurts of liquid continued to spill out against their forearms and collect against the sheets. Pressing all four of his fingers against your clit to frantically rub it from side to side as drops of liquid began to spray beneath them. Making an even bigger mess than before as both men continued to watch in awe.

“Don’t pull back now, dumbass. Are you fuckin’ stupid or somethin’?” Bakugou snarled as your boyfriend pulled back thinking you’d already climaxed, “She’s still cumming.”

More desperate cries sounded from your lips as Bakugou prolonged your pleasure, you’d never felt quite so lightheaded as you did at this moment. The euphoria completely consumed you until all you could see were those same pretty eyes staring down at you, your cunt throbbing around his fingers as he began to slow his movements. This time allowing you to close your thighs around his hand as you reached out lethargically to wrap a hand around his wrist to stop him from torturing your overstimulated sex.

"Love yo-" Bakugou stopped himself before the words slipped out, hearing Kirishima's irritating voice at the back of his head, "Love this fuckin' pussy."

“S’too much,” You whined, feeling Bakugou’s fingers still inside you as he stopped tormenting your smooth walls, cherishing the aftershocks of you throbbing around him.

“Poor, baby.” Bakugou feigned sympathy, “But it felt good, didn’t it pretty girl?”

You were nodding before he’d even finished the question, unable to remember a time you'd felt so attractive and desired by someone. The look of absolute adoration in both men's gazes as they looked down at you with lust-blown eyes had a heightened pleasure soaring through you.

“You did such a good job for us, sweetheart. Looked all pretty and shit squirtin’ for us.”

“I didn’t think I could,” You mumbled shyly.

“Clearly hadn’t been doin’ it right, hah.” Bakugou grinned, finally pulling his fingers from your slick heat as you whined from the loss of contact.

“Can’t believe you’ve never done this for her before, asshole.” Bakugou scoffed, his cock throbbing painfully hard beneath his soaked sweats as he tried to commit the debauched sight of you to memory, “What else do I need to teach you, Deku?”

#bakugou smut #Deku smut #Bakugou Katsuki smut #bakugou x reader #Deku x reader #Bakugou Katsuki x reader #Midoriya x reader #Midoriya smut #Bnha smut #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha smut #kinktober #kinktober 2022 #flashing lights

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winternimbus · 2 months

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i don't often talk about transfem issues and transmisogyny by myself on this site (with the regards to me reblogging stuff from the girlies to essentially keep the rent low) because the real meat of what i discuss is usually reserved between my friends and i over on discord and my personal discord but considering the recent influx of shit getting slung at outspoken transfems, and other TMA people on this site--i'm making an exception to my clause because great googly moogly it got bad here, huh! i have anons off for a good reason but the aforementioned influx of things getting sent to outspoken transfems & TMA people here in regards to that pretentious ass "public service announcement diagnosing you with baeddelism" or whatever terminally online goobledygook that you can only find in insular as all high hell online spaces with a predominant TME population. putting aside the very clear underlined corrective r/pe statement in that message--the statement of viewing trans women as objects to be sexualized is very clear, and i don't think the statement that "most people don't view trans women as women, rather objects to be debated about, sexualized, or stomped underfoot entirely" needs to be repeated here. years of having to sit through that fucking debate about astolfo and ferris argyle really does one hell of a number to you when you're the one directly effected by that transmisogynistic stereotype--even if from what i'm aware, there has been a focused effort to reclaim those two characters the other clear issue is that the modern-day queer community was founded by black trans women. are you doing marsha p johnson any favors by going into the dms of trans women and basically going "hahaha no don't be vocal about issues that you firsthand face in the queer community have sex with me instead :)", especially in a time of unfettered and unchecked transmisogyny, and rampant anti-trans legislation that can and WILL personally effect you and people you know--if you don't make an organized, focused effort to stop it? that being said, the unspoken rule is that when a marginalized group of people are speaking about issues that they personally face--you don't stick your nose up and argue with them. you sit down and listen to them. because they know what they're talking about. apologies if this is long and a bit unfocused and/or disorganized. i'm understandably very miffed about all of this, and i needed to get my thoughts out on this all. something something trans men are the men of the trans community. something something saint-dionysus and nothorses and their consequences have been disastrous for the queer community as a whole

#funny winter does a speak #transmisogyny #serious

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kcrossvine-art · 3 months

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hi birds of paradise and of prey! I sincerely hope your 2024 has been kind to you so far, and if it hasn't, I hope it starts being fucking nicer soon. We got eyes on it and are ready to take it out should it fail.

I'm coming to the end of my list here soon, so if anyone has ideas on what they'd like to see next, please do hit me up! Even if its just a piece of media with interesting food in it and not a specific dish you wanna see. My roommate got me a recipe book from that TikTok fantasy tavern guy, "recipes from the lucky gryphon"? So we could also take a shot at a few of those, although im not really familiar with his work. Regardless-

We will be making Stuffed Cabbage from Lord of the Rings Online today!

(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to this Stuffed Cabbage?” YOU MIGHT ASKYou cant kinda put whatever you want for seasonings and even the meat filling. I used ground beef but pork and lamb are also stellar candidates.

Yellow onion

Garlic

2 eggs

Ground beef

Rice

A head of cabbage

Oregano

Thyme

Red pepper flakes

Cumin

Crushed tomato

Tomato sauce

AND, “what does this Stuffed Cabbage taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASKBa bawsa

Very, very filling wow

2 rolls filled me up for a meal and i made about 20-ish from one head of cabage

A bit plain tbh, the texture is great but I'd really double up on the seasonings

A blank canvas for you to impart your spice preferences onto

Reheating makes it taste almost identical to fresh

Would pair well with a hot sauce dip

could also go well with an artichoke dip

If you run out of room and need to layer the rolls, I'd try experimenting with pouring some of the crushed tomato and sauce inbetween the stacked rolls. Otherwise the ones at the bottom lack a lot of the tomato flavor. However it might make the bottoms on the rolls laying ontop soggy?

. Where rice called for, used long grain white rice

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I've never blanched anything before. Theres not much western food that calls for it, meanwhile whenever my friend from malaysia shows a dish they ate, 9 times out of 10 the vegetables are blanched. Much easier process than the fancy name might suggest- boil water and dunk the thing in until its done. Whatever 'done' may be for the thing you are cooking.

Also for the ground beef (or whichever meat you use) you don't have to cook it beforehand, but in doing two tries at making these cabbage rolls i would recommend you at least season your meat before mixing it with everything else. The meat will cook to a safe temperature inside the cabbage rolls, i just prefer the taste and texture of it when cooked twice.

I give this recipe a meandering 7/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) I want to review more horrible recipes, truly i do, so that the rating scale isnt always a 6 and above, but whenever i try something horrible its like "why the fuck would i put all the effort into making and sharing a review of this thing i Do Not Want others to eat????" yknow?? Would people be interested in roasting horrible recipes?

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

1 yellow onion

6 cloves of garlic

2 eggs

2 lbs ground beef

1 1/2 cup cooked rice

1 large head of cabbage

28oz crushed tomato

14oz tomato sauce

Oregano

Thyme

Red pepper flakes

Cumin

Salt/pepper

Method:

Saute garlic and onion in butter over medium heat until onions are caramelized. When done, remove from heat and let cool.

Season the beef to your liking with cumin, red pepper, and salt. Very, very lightly cook the beef in the same pan used for the garlic and onions. Cook until it starts to brown, but dont let it darken.

Beat eggs thoroughly with oregano, thyme, salt, and pepper.

Add all of the above ingredients together in a bowl with (cooked!) rice. Mix thoroughly then cover and let rest in the fridge.

Core and blanche your cabbage in boiling water, peeling them off as they become limp.

Once you've separated all the leaves, cut off any thick stems that would prevent the leaf from folding.

Put roughly 2 tablespoons of meat filling into each leaf. Fold the sides of the leaf inwards and roll it up. Place each cabbage roll seam-down into a casserole dish.

If they don't all fit in one layer, its more than okay to stack. Try not to stack more than 2 layers though.

Once you've used all the cabbage, take your can of tomatos and pour them over the rolls. Mix some oregano into the tomato sauce and pour that over the rolls as well.

Bake uncovered in the oven at 350 for about 2 hours. Dont worry if a bit of tomato on top looks burnt.

IF REHEATING LEFTOVERS: Bake 10 cabbage rolls in the oven at 320 for about 40 minutes. Reduce time for less rolls.

#cross cooks lotr #food recipes #cabbage rolls #digital art

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genshin-obsessed · 3 months

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Could I request Gepard, Dan Heng, and Jing Yuan with an s/o who starts writing and selling novels, light novels, web novels, webcomics, graphic novels, comic books, and manga about them because she believes their heroic deeds need to be known to the public?

Ooh this is super cute! Ofc as a writer this resonates with me but I will do myself not to self insert too much ^^;

Characters: Dan Heng, Gepard, Jing Yuan

Dan Heng ✧.*

As an artist, you draw quite a bit but never had a clear direction. But the thing that really got your gears moving was Dan Heng. In your eyes, this man was a hero. So, you often began to doodle his achievements and it hit you.

Comics. You could make comics about a Nameless character who was a hero. Just like Dan Heng. So you did and boy it was so fun! There was no real story tied in with it, to avoid going into details, so you just made lil pieces and posted them online for your friends and followers!

Dan Heng found out on accident when he stumbled upon your piece and felt as if... the figure looked a lot like him. He asked you, you were honest, and he was flustered. He tried to convince you to put your efforts towards something else that was worth your time.

That’s the day he learned just how much you adored him.

Geppie ✧.*

Writing was often just to relieve stress or bring out your creativity but you often felt like you were lacking something. One day while you were brainstorming, you thought of a hero who was a little too similar to Gepard. You didn't realize it until you were pretty far into the plot outline.

The main hero was based off of Gepard pretty much down to a T. Pretty much the way he acted, reacted, talked, thought- it was all a reflection of your one true love, Gepard. Your feelings of adoration was heavily indicated by your tone of how you described him.

Gepard found out when he was reading over your script and made a comment along the lines of “he sounds like me”. That’s when you confirmed it, telling him the hero was based off of him. His face exploded in red and he just couldn’t find his words. He believe no one would want to read a story based on someone like him.

You’re writing your 4th novel now, so he was wrong.

Jing Yuan ✧.*

You loved comics! Writing out the story and then drawing them out, you did it all the time. You even made Jing Yuan little chibi drawings off him he still keeps on his desk.

One day, you were just doodling when you came up with this idea for a story. It didn’t take long before the idea got bigger and bigger and basically could be turned into a novel or an entire comic series!

Jing Yuan liked the idea, but wasn’t sure why you chose him of all people. But, he was extremely flattered to be your muse. This meant that even here you were away from him, your mind was on him. But in all seriousness, he’s happy. He didn’t realize how popular your series would get- he knew of your talents and popularity but this was something else.

You don’t need to admit your hero is based off of Jing Yuan. Everyone already knows it.

#dan heng x reader #gepard x reader #jing yuan x reader #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #hsr dan heng #hsr gepard #hsr jing yuan #🖊─ pocky’s writings

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miracledarling · 11 months

Text

my personal success stories #1

part 1: appearance changes 💄

so one of my biggest goals for manifesting was appearance changes. it was something that i used to be insecure about and i would complain about. but now i'm more satisfied with how i look. my self-concept and my appearance have improved over time in different aspects through different ways. so i'm just going to put a few of my personal appearance change success stories. i talk about some person things i experienced and maybe you may relate so i hope it motivates you.

the backstory

as i mentioned a few times before, i first found out about loa through subliminals. at first i thought subliminals were just complete bs because why would listening to music and rain sounds make my lips bigger and make me skinnier?? wtf. but after a while i decided to try manifesting appearance change. through subliminals. i wanted to manifest my desired face and body.

i was fed with TONS of limimiting beliefs back then. i gave up on manifesting appearance changes after a a bit. it wasn't worth my time or energy as so i thought. i was avoiding mirrors and it just made life a little more stressful.

a while later i decided i would go back to manifesting things. i rewatched some of sammy ingram's videos, which i used to binge watch when i was new to loa. i started to listen to subliminlas again, since they have actually given me small succsses beforehand. and i made vision boards. i repeated affirmations to myself when i was bored. just started applying little by little.

facial features

for facial features i kept some of them and changed some of them because i was kind of satisfied already. i manfiested my eyes to be a little bigger, and my lips to be a bit plumper. i just affirmed to get it and used some subliminals. my face still looks recognizable, just small changes i wanted here and there whenever i felt like it. and i literally posted a FACE REVEAL so don't argue with me lmao.

clearer skin

one thing i really wanted to manifest was flawless skin. because i was insecure about acne. this manifestation took place pretty recently compared to the other ones i talked about here. i started by manifesting skincare products but then went on to manifest natually having clear skin all together. whenever i looked into the mirror i affirmed that my skln was so clear and i drank water assuming it would clear my skin more. i also listened to lay subliminal's clear skin subliminal and it gave me HUGE results. so overall i got pretty clear skin with little effort or time.

body and weight loss

[tw//weight] another thing i was able to manifest was losing weight and changes to my body. the first time i did this was "unconsciously," before i got into loa so this was like months ago. i would look in the mirror and constantly tell myself(affiirm)that i'm so skinny, my thighs are so thin, etc. and whenever i saw images of kpop idols i would affirm that my body was just like their's except mine is better. i was scared i was going to gain weight but turns out when i went to the doctor checkup i actually lost weight, was 43kg(95lbs) before was around 42kg(93lbs) during the checkup and i didn't work out or diet. in fact, i ate more and i had online school at the time so i barely even walked around lmao.

i used to be insecure about my thighs but now my thighs are thin and i have a big thigh gap. my waist and arms are thin as well. now my body looks like something in between rosé's and joy's except i'm shorter than them. i've also gotten a ton of compliments. i usually wear loose clothes but when i wore something tighter people would call me body goals because of my body shape. and my friend would tell me that i'm SUPER skinny🤧 even tho i eat a lot of junk food and almost never exercise except used to do sports before(which actually gains muscles). i'm still thin even though my weight slightly increases compared to the first time i manifested wl since i'm taller, did sports in the beginning of the school year and gain muscles, and my body is still growing bc i'm still a teenager.

glow ups

i don't know if this counts but i manifested glowing up before school started this year. although most of the things i manifest were much later on, i still did got a few of my first "small" results in the summer, when i first found out about manifestation. i manifested getting some random changes such as new hair, new clothes, makeup products, etc. but i ended up noticably looking "different" from how i looked before.

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ddejavvu · 1 year

Note

oh mei.....

running into dbf!hotch when ur ever so slightly (absolutely) wasted and letting it slip how viscerally attractive u find him and what u want to do to him and watching him squirm because he can't react the way he wants to LORD i wanna make that old man flustered

please there's nothing like dbf!hotch <33333

You're a giggly drunk, and you know it. Aaron doesn't, though, which is why it's such a surprise when you spot him from across the street, standing on the patio of a bar as he walks from a restaurant with his team.

"Aaron- Aaron!" You shout, waving wildly as if he's having a hard time spotting you. The people around him look confused, but it turns into alarm when you dash across the street.

"Hi!" You squeal, slamming into him like a car could have into you, "Ohmygosh, you're here! And- and wow, I'm here, and we're here!"

"We are here," He can't fight the amused smile on his face, chuckling softly as he steadies you, "Now why are you here? It's late, and you have classes tomorrow, don't you?"

"Just a lecture," You shrug, "And I- I don't need to be there, he'll post the notes online. So I'm out with my friends!"

"Me too," Aaron keeps your arm in his grip, pivoting you to face his team, "These are my coworkers. You've met, uh, Dave before. And I think that's it."

"Hi, Y/N," Dave smiles kindly at you, though his eyes linger on the way Aaron's hand smooths up and over your shoulder, staying there.

"Hi," You grin jovially, remembering the kind man Aaron had brought with him to dinner once, "It's nice to meet you all! I'm- I'm drunk, but-"

"She's Y/N," Aaron laughs, "But she is also drunk. Let's walk you back, okay? I don't think I trust you to go by yourself again."

"You have to hold my hand!" You urge, shaking his arm off of your shoulder and grabbing his hand where it falls at his side, "Just to be- to be safe."

"Uh, okay," He nods, cheeks flaring up slightly rosy, "Let's go, sweetheart."

You drag him across the street like an excited puppy. He grabs you by the waist when you nearly trip, and with his help you make it back across the street and to the bar.

"Let's get you a drink," You grin, an evil expression that makes it seem like you're leading him to his doom. And perhaps you are, with the pretty little dress that's hugging your figure and the wild look in your eyes.

"I don't need a drink," He tries slipping his hand out of yours once you're safely on the patio again, "That's okay, honey. I'm due home now, okay? You go have fun with your friends."

"Wait- no!" You frown, lower lip puffy and wobbling as crocodile tears invade your eyes, "That's not fair. I finally- finally got all pretty and made up and you won't even stay with me?"

"What do you mean?" Aaron lets you take his hand back, and doesn't protest when you start playing with his thick fingers to distract yourself.

"I knew you were coming tonight," You admit in your drunken haze, "i heard you talking to my dad about a team dinner. And I wanted you to drink with me afterwards. But you just want to go home, you don't even like my- my dress," You sniffle, "Or my makeup, or my shoes, or-"

"Okay, okay," Aaron murmurs, smearing a stray tear away from your cheek before it can streak mascara down your face, "Let's just- uh, let's sit down."

He leads you to a patio chair, and squats at your feet.

"Honey," He starts, commanding your attention even if it's sparse and spacey, "Listen to me. It's not that I don't want to- uh, there's nothing wrong with- no, okay... you're drunk. You know that."

You nod, head bobbing on your shoulders.

"Right, and- and I don't think it's very fair of me to, uh- appreciate the effort you've put in tonight while you're drunk. Okay?"

"But I want you to," You whine, grasping his hands in your own, "I want you to push me up against the bar, and kiss me, and put your hands on my waist, and- and then take me home and-"

"Okay! Okay, okay," Aaron squeezes your hands, "I hear you. And maybe one night, when you're not drunk..."

"You promise?" Those damned tears are back, and Aaron can't resist gripping your chin to tug your face down. It takes all of his willpower to dot a kiss to your forehead when your lips are right there, but he does so successfully and even smiles at the sloppy kiss you plant on his chin when he pulls back.

"I promise." There's a strange sensation in his chest, like it's a balloon filled with rocks. He's elated, thrilled at the prospect of your hidden desire, but already worried about the complications of your impending relations, "Do me a favor, sweetheart?"

"Anything," You breathe, shiny-eyed, and his heart skips a beat.

"Let me drive you home," He offers, "Not like that. Just so that I know you get home safe. You don't really need to go back in there, I think you're drunk enough."

"Okay," You nod, chin still in his grip, "But- but my friends need rides."

"Then your friends can come too," Aaron stands, helping you rise to your feet with a hand under your arm that hooks over his shoulder, "Where are they?"

"Inside," You nod towards the building, 'But, uh- Aaron? Will you please tell them you kissed me? If they ask?"

"What?"

"I told them I was going to tell you how I feel tonight," Your face crumples in worry, "And- and I know you said not tonight, but I want them to think that it worked, so-"

"If they ask," He tries not to smile at the knowledge that he's hot gossip among your friends, "I'll tell them you jumped me in the parking lot."

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whatifyoulivelikethat · 4 months

Text

peppermint gum, m | jjk | savor...

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

It’s impossible to fall in love when you’re already in love. And Jeon Jungkook was in love. Helplessly. But what could he do? Time passed. The world became tasteless to his eyes. All he could do was hold onto the crisp and intense color of those memories, remember her words, and wonder where she was now. Savor, and burst forth.

this is part i | click here for part ii | total wc: 25.6k

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; this story contains parental child abuse - child neglect and abandonment; sloooow burn; mild alcohol consumption; hardcore pining JK; angst and fluff and feels; (in part ii) smut (fem reader, slight D/s dynamic, so much kissing, hair pulling, scratching / marking. grinding, choking, m-receiving oral, finger sucking, fingering, nipple play, m-masturbation, thigh riding, edging, penetrative sex, doggy, multiple orgasms); shifts back and forth between Jungkook’s POV and your POV; from lovers-to-strangers-to-lovers again :)

non-idol!AU; pining!Jungkook x noona!reader — ft JK's helpful? friends Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin; reader's close friend and talented guitarist, Kang Hyungu (ONEWE's Kanghyun if you want to see his appearance, hehe, same personality); JK has all his piercings and has hair (lol) had to be broken up into two parts bc it is 25k words, rip

“Aren’t you afraid that I’ll forget you?”

Those last words rang in his head, accompanied by her smile.

“Your mind might forget me, but the body always remembers.”

He wanted her to be wrong. But, of course, she wasn’t. Life wasn’t so kind. Life wasn’t so kind to give him a dramatic ending. Rather, it was a calm one of slow decay where he gradually learned to not miss her anymore. No ill feelings. Just helplessness. He had wanted her to be his morning, his afternoon, his night. She didn’t. He had been younger then. He had thought he could change what was already written.

She had done the right thing, actually.

Years past. The memories became a blur with everything else. Everyone else – between nights and bodies and the feeling of not quite right. Searching but not knowing what he was looking for so he cut them off just as he had been cut off. It hurt, of course, but not as much as it would have if he had let it drag on. Maybe that was what he had learned from that time.

He forgot to miss her.

But he still thought of her and wondered where she was now.

Tattoos, piercings, and countless hours at the gym later. Running. Life an endless loop despite the differences. Nowadays, he was making an effort to hang out with his friends more, not just for birthdays or online games, but socializing at in-person events that he still wasn’t very good at. Becoming older meant drifting apart since they didn’t have those common places to mingle in anymore, so it was important to put in the effort. If he wanted to improve in talking to people more casually, well, he should at least put himself in those opportunities, right?

Right.

Running.

Always running.

Sometimes, when he was in the dark surrounded by people and with just the right amount of alcohol in his system, he missed her terribly, but he couldn’t remember what standing next to her was even like.

Other times, he completely forgot she used to like this type of tea or that kind of snack. These details faded into the background, only to return to him in disorienting dreams and half-realities.

And most of the time, he forgot.

In between hands and lips and legs, he felt the rush. The exhilaration. Lust. He could make magic in the bedroom. Wasn’t that what it was all about? Wasn’t it all about the chase between two? Wasn’t love about strangers becoming forever-afters? Wasn’t it? He didn’t know anything about that when he was younger. Right. How could that be love?

Maybe.

Maybe he just forgot.

The spark always died so fast. It must have been not quite right.

She must have forgotten him too, by now.

When Jeon Jungkook saw her again, he hadn’t expected it at all.

It was at a nightclub concert. Loud and obnoxious and full of infectious energy. A friend of his was a singer of the band that was going onstage next. Currently, there was alternative rock band vibing with the crowd, singing songs that no one knew but spoke to feelings everyone understood. Breakup lyrics to sweetheart melodies. He was enjoying himself, but not paying much attention. In a split second, he had whipped his head around because one of his friends was playfully flicking the back of his hair, being an idiot, and then he saw her at the edge of the stage. Right there. He almost didn’t think it was her at first, but his eyes recognized that face right away, even amidst the chocolate smokey eye and cherry lip stain. He almost looked away, not wanting to stare at a now-stranger, but his body froze when she smiled, remembering the way his heart fluttered when those past-lover-now-stranger’s eyes sparkled with mischief when she smiled.

That couldn’t have been love, right?

He couldn’t remember.

Was she more beautiful than before or had helplessness desaturated his memory?

She was cheerfully speaking to someone. A young man who had cerulean hair. His undercut was dyed a gradient purple. Taller than her, with broad shoulders. Black t-shirt and tight jeans showing off a built body. He lingered near her the same way a cat stayed by its owner. She shook her head at him and said something. The man chuckled despite a demeanor full of nervousness. She handed him his purple electric guitar and pushed him, motioning him to interact with the band standing offstage. Oh, that was right. His singer friend had mentioned that their actual guitarist was out taking care of his grandmother. They had to call someone to fill in on short notice.

It was clear, by the instrument, that this was the fill in.

The young man trotted over to the band and introduced himself. He was meant with open arms and gracious bows that left him flustered and shaking his head.

Jeon Jungkook looked away, not wanting her to see him.

Would she know it was him?

He glanced at her again during the break for the band change. She was standing at the side, not too close to the wall but not too far. Could be noticed right away, because she was not drinking and because she was alone. Simply standing there. Almost regal even in a tight white crop top and hip-hugging black trousers. The thick black strap of her sling bag had a large plush keychain dangling by her waist. A tuxedo cat with a tangerine on its head. She didn’t seem bothered to be alone with no one to speak to. She also held onto a big, thick, black leather jacket. Folded and tucked in her arms. Could be hers.

Could also not be.

She was smiling in the direction of the substitute guitarist. Jungkook caught a shared gaze between them. She gave the man a thumbs up. He returned the smile, albeit awkwardly. A wordless exchange. Two people who knew each other very well. The lights dimmed. An announcement was made and cheers erupted around him.

But Jungkook was in the dark, surrounded by people, with not enough alcohol in his system to place the emotion he was feeling right now.

He looked to the stage as the spotlights returned to the stage, lighting up the band and his friend, but his mind held onto the image he had just now seen. Something about her makeup, with the striking eyeliner and black-cherry tinted lips. His own lips tingled, remembering the taste of a kiss from years ago.

A bright and refreshing flavor, so strong that it had seemed to last for hours after.

He was not self-centered or bitter enough to call her an ex-girlfriend. It had been a crisp and intense connection but, in retrospect, the time had been short. Fast and in a rush. The kind of love that made his skin prickle and his heart race. There had been no way to know how long it would last. There had been no comparison to realize that that love could be as fleeting as it was powerful.

A peppermint gum love.

Ah, what was he going on like this for? Maybe she didn’t want to be bothered. Maybe she wouldn’t want to see a ghost of her past. Maybe she didn’t even remember him. Jungkook knew he looked very different now. Back then, he had been a lot more worried about being presentable to everyone. Now, he was old enough to know he couldn’t and didn’t have to please everyone. He could wear loose clothes even if he worked out to look toned the way he wanted. He could get those lip piercings even if people told him eight ear piercings was already too many and adding two more on the right side of his lower lip was overdoing it. He could get a sleeve of colorfully dark tattoos and maybe consider getting more if he really wanted, even if some people found it tacky or not to their taste.

Well.

As long as he had the money for it, anyway.

He tried to discern how she was looking at the young man playing guitar, but Jungkook couldn’t figure out if it was the same expression that she had given him all those years before. He couldn’t remember.

His mind couldn’t remember.

But.

There was an interlude mid-act. He had made up his mind. He excused himself from his friends, mumbling the excuse of the bathroom. It was nerve-wracking to cut himself away from that safety. He didn’t have to do this. There was no ill feeling.

Just helplessness.

He moved through the crowd, winding between the people. Right there. There was so much noise. Conversations. Laughter. Drunken bickering. But all he could hear was silence. Bodies pushed up against him, bumping into him by accident, mumbling out apologies. But all he could feel was the suggestion of a touch, the faded peppermint gum love, grasping for a memory that he couldn’t seem to recall.

His finger tapped her shoulder.

He just wanted to know something.

“Do you still feel the same as you did back then?”

After the hey, how have you been, after the look of recognition and half-amused smile and the flutter of his heart, after the small talk of where are you now, he asked her the question. Those things were only the precursor. The filler and fluff. The pretense to the question that had been on his mind for a long, long time now.

“About what?” she asked, tilting her head curiously.

“I don’t know if you remember…” He didn’t either, actually. Remember her original words. “But you said that you didn’t think you could ever understand love. You said something like that to me a long time ago and I wonder… I wonder if that feeling has changed.”

He knew it was a strange question and yet.

He just…

Needed to know.

The shadows in her eyes became darker, impenetrable. “Sounds like something I’ve said. But, are you asking me because you think that feeling should have changed?”

He shook his head quickly. “No.” Looked at her head-on, unsure if this bravery was from alcohol or the question itself that had been lingering in his mind for so long. “I remembered what you said after all this time because…”

Hot and heavy, but ultimately forgettable nights.

Cold and bright.

Unable to last and, yet, lasted.

“Because I think now I am beginning to understand what you meant.”

There was a lot of noise around them, but he barely noticed. There was so much light, so many people around them, but this moment was a spotlight between him and the past cold brightness. The shadows in her eyes softened, no longer bristling thorns, fading into a dark forest of overlapping leaves. He couldn’t know, but he felt those eyes were different now. Darker. More decisive. And yet, in some ways she hadn’t changed at all. One of the things that he had always liked about her back then was that she always answered him seriously and wisely even if the question seemed out of the blue.

They always had an inexplicable closeness, even as strangers.

She was even more beautiful and more attractive than he remembered though.

“I lied,” she admitted with a half-smile. Was that a sparkle of mischief in her irises or was he seeing things? “I remember what I said to you. It had upset you a lot, I remember, when I said I didn’t understand love. You cried. It must have hurt you, but I couldn’t understand why back then. Back then, I said I didn’t understand love because I both didn’t want to learn and couldn’t feel it. Only the latter is true now. Or, rather, I don’t think I feel the same things that other people feel when they are with the people they love. But why do you say you’re beginning to understand that I meant?”

His body remembered the feeling of her hand on his shoulder. Now, their relations weren’t close enough for her to touch him. He didn’t remember crying but he wasn’t surprised to be told that he did. When he was younger, he had been a bit of a crybaby. Just because he didn’t recall didn’t mean it didn’t happen.

But.

His heart could still feel that deep scratch of those familiar words, even now.

“When I met you back then… I thought I knew everything about love. Love was for good people. I wanted to be a good person so I could be loved. All I had to do was become the person that people wanted to love. But then I realized I wasn’t doing the things I wanted to do, only what was expected of me. Then you told me you didn’t understand love and I, someone who wanted to be loved by you, realized I had nothing to fall back on because I was only made of others’ expectations and ideals.”

He shook his head. He did remember crying after they parted. He remembered trying to make the sadness go away. He remembered nights in beds and stumbling home to cry in the shower, feeling disconnected in the physical connection. He remembered nights alone, empty bottles and holding a shot glass of tears, feeling unable to speak about this to anyone. Lost without knowing how to be found. Doing things based on impulse because only impulses were truly his and not poisoned by the opinions of others. Laughing at the search of happiness. Above all, he had been afraid. He had been afraid to give voice to his worries because then maybe they would gain power and overtake him.

But then he remembered the person who didn’t understand love.

There was such a person that existed out there.

He wondered how she was now.

“I wanted to tell you…”

And now he knew.

“I wanted to tell you I understand now. Or… don’t. Um.”

She smiled at him.

It was not the same way as she looked at the guitarist.

“Huh, you’ve become so mature and grown up. Well, welcome to the smoke-and-mirrors of adulthood, Jeon Jungkook,” she chuckled teasingly, shaking her head. “I scarred you that bad, eh?”

“No, I didn’t mean–”

She raised a hand to stop him, waving away his apology. “No, it’s okay. I’m surprised you still remember me. And don’t hate me. A lot of them hate me.”

Your mind might forget me, but the body always remembers.

His body did remember.

“A lot of them?” he echoed, a muscle in his jaw tightening.

The faintest tick of her eyebrow. “You gonna tell me you have all these tattoos and piercings and don’t get laid?”

His heart dropped. “You don’t like them?” He blurted that a little too fast.

She laughed. “My opinion of them doesn’t really matter.”

“Yes, it does,” was his quick reply.

She paused. The shadows in her eyes swirled. He tried to discern their meaning as he stared into those dark irises but the shadows were all evasive and clever, flitting away from him playfully. When she spoke again, there was a sternness to her tone. Not scolding him. Just getting her point across.

“Answer the question of whether or not you get laid.”

Hot and heavy nights that meant nothing compared to the cold and bright scratch on his heart.

“I…”

The tips of his ears suddenly burned but maybe it was the alcohol.

“I do. But I haven’t remembered or been bothered to remember a single thing they’ve said to me,” Jungkook heard himself say and wondered where that bravery came from.

She didn’t say anything for a moment.

Then she smiled in the way that made him shiver.

“Hyungu is gonna be pissed,” she laughed as the sound of a guitar riff pierced the air.

Oh, shit.

The spotlight faded.

Everything rushed back. Sound, color, light. It suddenly became very clear that he was too far and too long gone from his friends to go back now and face them. Jungkook spun around, seeing that the crowd had packed up tightly again. To his dismay, he had no idea where his friends were. They were no longer in that little pocket they had been. Did they get closer to the stage? Had they seen where he had gone? Did one of them text him? He was afraid to pull out his phone, both in rudeness and in the possible mortifying teasing. His phone was always on silent, at least. What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him.

He turned back.

The melody echoing behind him was sharp and bright chords followed by a soulful voice.

She had been looking at the stage but immediately caught his gaze with a surprised expression. As if she hadn’t expected him to stay once the music started. And he shouldn’t, for it was rude and intrusive and inconsiderate to stay and invade a stranger’s space any longer.

But.

“You didn’t give me an answer.”

She blinked at him. “What?”

He pulled up the sleeve of his charcoal hoodie, revealing more of his tattoos. Her eyes tracked the movement, widening in surprise at the burst of color combined with thick black outlines. She had been able to see some of them, as his sleeves had been pushed up slightly, but it was much more obvious with the cuffs to the elbows. His forearm was covered with ink and there was no sign of stopping past the black patch in his inner elbow.

He looked back at her.

For a moment, they were young again.

Haloed by music, immersed in each other. A movie in real life. Suddenly it felt worth it – worth taking the risk of being rude, intrusive, or inconsiderate. Suddenly, it felt worth rolling the die and betting double just to…

Have a taste of that peppermint flavor.

“Yes or no?” he insisted, frowning, stubbornly pushing for an answer.

Deep down, Jungkook had always hoped she was thriving, shining brighter than all the stars, because then it proved that he, someone who also felt like he didn’t understand love, could be as impactful as that sparkling smile.

The corner of her lips ticked up in amusement. “Does a stranger’s opinion matter that much? I thought you weren’t going to let the opinions of others bother you anymore.”

Are we really strangers?

He grinned. “A stranger’s opinion would be the most unbiased, right?”

Can strangers speak like the way you and I do?

She stared at him for seconds that felt like forever-ever-afters.

Then she laughed, reaching up with a graceful hand and touching her fingertips to her forehead. His breath caught his throat, suddenly flooded with memories of youth and rashness, short as it was. He could see it all in a whirlwind. Crystal clear and fleeting all at once. A perfect storm and now caught in the eye, all of his wonders and helplessness thrown to the wayside upon seeing this familiar gesture that he didn’t even know until now was familiar, realizing now just how precious it was.

She lowered her hand with a mirthful and sparkling expression.

Beckoned with a downward wave as the music swelled, dangerously close to melting into the bridge.

“Step closer. You’re in someone’s way.”

Jungkook jolted, stumbling, realizing there was a short woman with carrying three full cups of foamy, honey-colored beer looking confusedly at him.

“Oh, shit, sorry–��

Her hand touched his shoulder, directing him gently.

His body moved but his mind froze at the touch.

“Listen. This is my favorite part. I’ll tell you after.”

One moment, there was space between them.

The next, he was standing next to her.

She tapped the air, closing her eyes.

“Listen.”

He closed his eyes obediently. Took away the visual, and suddenly his world was flooded with the auditory. An intricate guitar solo to bring life to his fluttering heart blending with piano and drums flowing together. Memories flashing past, too fast to grasp onto, happiness and misery, and then the bridge came, the lyrics painting the photo of two colorless roses abandoned by the heavens.

He opened his eyes and looked at her.

Her eyes opened at the final chorus, exhaling softly. Turned her head and he could see in the shadows of her gaze that she, too, remembered their minty whirlwind of memories.

Or…

Was he just hoping for that?

She smiled.

“I love your tattoos and piercings. You suit them well. I’m glad you found your own color, Jeon Jungkook. You shine so much brighter now than you did back then.”

It was at this moment that he knew...

He fucked up.

He shouldn’t have walked over here. He shouldn’t have asked the question. He shouldn’t have stayed and continued the conversation. He shouldn’t have asked if she liked how he looked now. He should have stayed with his friends and wondered. He should have preserved in the hot and heavy instead of searching for the past of crisp and bright. He might get used to it. He might end up finding what he was looking for, whatever it was. Or, better yet, he might just forget this whole feeling and her lasting words if he never saw her smile as she spoke to him again.

But he didn’t, so that meant he really fucked up.

Pit-a-pat.

He stared at her for so long that he didn’t realize he hadn’t said anything in reply until the song ended and her expression changed, tilting her head in puzzlement. She thinks I’m insane. Say something, Jungkook! Anything! But nothing was coming to mind, as how it always was in these situations. Awesome.

“Uh…”

She smoothly interrupted his awkwardness. “Did you come with friends?” Expression neutral. “I would hate to keep you from your company for too long.”

The notable shift from more casual to formal slightly stung.

No.

Really stung.

“I… Well, honestly, I don’t know where they are,” Jungkook confessed, scanning the crowd for a moment in attempt to look for them. It was a half-assed attempt, but it was an attempt. “I think I’ll have to look for them after the show. We’re meeting up with the band to eat, I think.”

“Oh? You know them?”

He pointed awkwardly to the stage. “Ah, yeah, the lead singer… We met in high school and are in the same friend group… Well, I’ve only recently started hanging out outside again. We’ve played a lot of online games together.”

“Oh, really?” She looked back up to the stage. “In that case, do you think your friends would mind if Hyungu tagged along?” A cautious smile. “It’s just… Hyungu-ah is in a band too, but they’re on hiatus right now. A few of them are doing military service. I think he really misses that environment. I can’t really talk music with him though, I don’t know anything,” she added ruefully, shaking her head and scrunching her nose. “Sorry, that’s probably a bit much to ask you after seeing you all this time. I’m just worried about that introvert, haha.”

Oh, right. The substitute guitarist. Right, because she didn’t simply magically appear as an act of fate or red string level of storytelling in a drama. Real life wasn’t like that.

“S-Sure, we can all go together–”

She was asking him to suggest or go along with the proposition to not alienate the guy. It was clear that she cared about him. He didn’t want to see them together, but… If she became part of his friend group, he might have a reason to go out more. Maybe he was a masochist. Maybe he just wanted to see if she was happy with that guy. Maybe he…

Okay, he wanted her to be close, even if it was all futile.

She relaxed. “Ah, phew. It really did take me a while to convince him to get out of the house,” she chuckled. “It’ll be nice for him to be around people that understand his true language of music, haha. I’ll stick around just in case, but don’t worry, I’ll leave and let you guys be guys, heh.”

Wait.

What?

Jungkook blinked rapidly. “Huh? Aren’t you coming too?”

She stared back. “Huh? Why?”

He looked at her and she looked at him.

Both blank stares of confusion.

“Why wouldn’t you go with your boyfriend?” he blurted.

Invisible question marks popped up over her head. Then she jolted and jerked her head to the band, to the blue-haired guitarist tearing it up on stage with a grin, then back at Jungkook, her eyes wide. “Me? Me?” She pointed to herself quickly, half-laughing in disbelief. “Me and Kang Hyungu?”

Jungkook gawked.

She burst out laughing.

“Oh, fuck, no, no, no,” she puffed, waving her hand all over. “No, no, he’s not… Oh, sheesh, no, we’re not dating. You thought… hah, sorry, there’s a misunderstanding here, hahaha…” She flicked her hand downward as if that idea was so ridiculous that it needed to be physically slapped out of existence. “Ah, no, how can I explain…”

Huh?

Wait, didn’t she mention earlier that his Kang Hyungu was going to be angry? She did directly say, Hyungu is gonna be pissed, right after Jungkook had told her he never bothered to remember what other girls told him, which would imply… argh, this was very baffling and Jungkook found his scatterbrained thoughts spinning trying to comprehend it all.

She straightened and ticked her head to the stage. “Me and him are just friends. We’ve been friends are a long time. Sorry, I can see why you’re mistaken since I came here with him, but Hyungu-ah is the type that really doesn’t like new situations. When he got asked to fill in for another band, he wanted me to come with him, since he wouldn’t know anybody. I believe he said he only spoke to these guys a couple times at festivals and he just needed some moral support.” She grinned. “Ya know, a tough cookie in case things get tough, hehe.”

Jungkook understood but also he was confused. “O… Oh…”

She motioned away his doubts. “In his words, you’re scary, noona. I’d feel much better if you came with me. Can you believe this guy? Just admit you’re lonely.” She rolled her eyes. “Hyungu-ah is a guitar genius. He’s a music nerd. I’ve known him since…” She paused, a dark shadow casting over her eyes as she recalled the past. “I was asked to tutor him when he was in high school and I was finishing university. He was shit at math and science. I helped him pass and then I…”

And again.

That pause.

Jungkook got the feeling she wasn’t sure if she wanted to tell him or not.

She shrugged. “I moved away. Then I saw his name on a poster. Turns out this nerd made his dream a reality and started that band after all.” Her expression became fond. Gentle. “I went to go see him perform. I was surprised he recognized me, actually. Hah, kinda like–”

Her gaze shifted to him.

It was as if time stopped.

She continued, clearing her throat. “Anyway, I’m not dating anyone. Definitely not Hyungu. He’s more like a little brother to me. Or I’m more like a bodyguard, heh. With only intimidation tactics. I really should work out, huh…”

He frowned. “Have you talked about him before? I would have remembered someone so important to you.”

“Nah, I think you and me was after university. When I was being a slu–” She cut herself off. “Ahem, I mean, I was young and didn’t really want to deal with, well, anything. Running from myself, so to speak.” She sighed. A little heavy. “I meant to say sorry, back then. You got caught up with my madness.”

She winked.

Jungkook felt his heart skip a beat.

“But, hey, you dodged a bullet, eh?”

He shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t. That burst between them wasn’t there anymore.

Right?

Wrong.

He grinned.

“Nah, I’m bulletproof.”

Something about her.

Do you feel it too?

Her gaze sharpened and she stilled, mischief sparkling in her eyes.

“Oh, yeah?”

Well.

Can’t say you expected the events of tonight to be on this year’s bingo card.

You laid in bed and scrolled through your phone, but you didn’t pay much attention to anything on the screen. On one hand, you felt a little restless leaving Kang Hyungu to fend for himself with his low alcohol tolerance. On another hand, he was a grown man and would call you in the middle of the night to pick him up if he was really fucked up. Eh, he was too much of a good boy to be irresponsible.

You chuckled to no one in particular.

You were alone, after all.

It was a miracle, really, that little Hyungu still wanted to be your friend now.

In some ways, he was still the same kid you had met all those years ago. You didn’t really interact with him much as you were a couple years older and, well, a girl. You couldn’t really look at him either, all things considering. After all, wasn’t it highly probable that the bags under his eyes was your family’s fault? Your family and his family happened to be next-door neighbors at the apartment complex.

No one really talked about it.

In certain areas, the sounds of yelling and thrown dishes were simply background noise. Normal circumstances. The first near two decades of your life was that every day. Most of the time, your presence was as insignificant as a cockroach. Sometimes you would be spoken of but never spoken to. You learned from a pretty young age to shut up or be forced to shut up. The family motto was, children are not meant to be seen or heard. The adults were speaking. More accurately, arguing, escalating to screaming, and then to scalding silent treatment. Repeat cycle. You learned to snatch food from the fridge as soon as you saw it. No one was going to prepare anything for you, but at least there was always something edible in there.

Until you became a teenager, that was.

It got especially bad when you attended high school as both sides picked up hideous habits to deal with their issues. In your opinion, they should have picked divorce to deal with them, but instead they chose gambling and serial cheating. Sometimes neither would come home for days. Whenever they crossed paths, the endless war continued. There was no way to predict when the silence could become suddenly violate and now you were old enough to understand what was going on – and old enough to loathe it. You barely saw your next-door neighbors at that time because you did basically anything you could to avoid going home. There was only so much a child can take.

They either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

It was also about this time that you started using sex as a coping mechanism.

Approval by society wasn’t high on the list for you at that time, nor was it now. Must have been the upbringing. You watched alcohol become an expensive addiction for your parents and, paired with their mindless days at the casinos and excess spending on extramarital pleasures, illegal drugs were out of the question. Sex, however. If you knew what clinics to go to or where to shoplift, well. Free protection. Yup. During university, though, was when you needed money. You couldn’t go far as you couldn’t pay to live in a dorm. Your scholarships were barely covering tuition, so living at home was the only option. At this point, your parents had mostly forgot forgot that there was someone they birthed living in the apartment with them, which was fine by you, except when you needed to eat.

How Kang Hyungu knew things he shouldn’t know was a mystery you never figured out.

You had gotten locked out, again, and some loud dispute was happening behind the door. Deadbolted. It was shaping up to be a shit night – that was until a tall high schooler with a guitar bag approached the door to your right. You tried not to look at him and decided you would leave to find a PC bang to spend the night. But he must have seen your university-branded bag and called out your family name.

That was when Kang Hyungu started talking to you.

He must have noticed the many times that you had been locked out. Well, how could he ignore it? You didn’t want to do the small talk thing except for immediately informing him with your given name. However, your ears perked up when he mentioned that he needed help with math and science classes. He was looking to pay a tutor. Cram school was pretty expensive. Turns out you both had attended the same high school – of course, considering you lived in the same damn apartment building – and the high school posted notices about alumni that had received scholarships. That shit was a big deal to educators.

That was how you ended up in a basement studio room listening to five high schoolers make songs for hours and teaching them calculus, biology, and chemistry. All of them ended up being mild levels of garbage at those subjects, but it made teaching in a group much more efficient. It was thanks to Hyungu that you were able to eat all of university. Honestly, you didn’t really need the money as much as you needed somewhere to be. Yeah, it was pretty clear that Hyungu knew that somehow. He was a lot more observant than you gave him credit for. Neither of you really talked about it even though you should have.

Maybe, then…

When you graduated university, it was clear you had to leave. It was clear you had to put some distance between you and those who birthed you. Turns out, they did it for you, because one day you came home from job hunting and you didn’t have a home anymore. The apartment door was open and some random people were moving in. Cool. A talk with the leasing office, then. Turns out your parents moved out and didn’t bother to tell you. Together? Separately? Who the fuck knew. You found a box of your clothes in the dumpster along with some other random shit. Your birth certificate, even.

Your entire existence thrown in the trash.

It had really not been the best time.

Couple months of living strictly from PC bangs and business hotel rooms, you started a desk job at minimum wage. Funny how a degree didn’t do much but whatever. You also continued your not-so-great coping mechanism of fucking around, which is how you met Jeon Jungkook. He definitely had a different idea of how it all went down, but.

You paused, seeing that you had pulled up your phone contacts and there he was.

Even through changed models, your phone contacts transferred over. You never bothered to clear them out unless the person was worth blocking. Jeon Jungkook wasn’t worth blocking. The breakup, if you could call it that, was pretty simple. You said what you said and he didn’t fight you. You didn’t need his number in the years after, but you forgot about thinking you needed to delete unused numbers. You didn’t really forget him, though.

He was the only one that you felt sorry for breaking his heart.

He hadn’t been your type back then. Your type had been self-destructive, and you had become tired of that, so you chased for the complete opposite instead. You knew full well that it wasn’t going to work out. You didn’t even go into it invested. But you chose well, and he was the complete opposite. He trusted everything you said. He put up with your cold front. He liked you more than you liked him and he had no idea that he did. In fact, you wouldn’t be surprised that he wouldn’t care even if he knew. He was good in bed too. Eager, quick to learn, and listened to everything you said. Tried everything you asked without questioning or judging. It was precisely why you broke it off before it got too deep, because it got too deep way too fast.

He thought of you too highly when, at that time, you were too low to be anything above a grey area.

Aren’t you afraid I’ll forget you?

Just by asking you that, you never forgot Jungkook. He was the only one who seemed worried about that. Everyone else called you a heartless bitch or a dumb whore who was making a mistake. But Jungkook asked you if you were afraid that he would lose your memory, as if it was valuable enough to be tarnished.

Life worked in mysterious ways.

The happening of you seeing Hyungu’s name on a poster was by chance. The choice to go to that concert back then was on a whim. The chance of Hyungu recognizing you and coming to find you, dragging you to his bandmates that all yapped excitedly around you as if no time had passed was surprising. You had always thought they had forgotten or resented you on some level. After all, you didn’t have a working phone for a while since you couldn’t pay for a plan. You had essentially ghosted them for years, but Hyungu acted as if you had always been there. I’ll never forget that you took good care of me, noona. There was no way you could even attempt to date Kang Hyungu. How could you ruin a relationship that he kept preserved so preciously when you abandoned it? He spoke highly of you even when you hadn’t been around, even when you had been too busy being selfish and self-centered. He smiled at you and relied on you once again because he trusted that you could be relied on. You would sigh and be hauled around by these young loons and support their blooming music career as you got your footing and made it to a better desk job with better pay.

And, by some fate, being close to Kang Hyungu caused you to cross paths with Jeon Jungkook once again.

Weird, eh?

You lowered your phone, staring up at the ceiling.

Well, life was full of coincidences, right? There was no reason to think this was a special event. After all, you had been trying your best to forget that time in your life where you felt the most lost. It took a lot of pushing past your own stubbornness to realize that how your parents felt about you had nothing to do who you were. Accepting that you weren’t the worst fuckup ever to exist, thanks to the saving grace of someone who remembered to call you noona in an endearing way and not in an obligated way. It would be counterproductive to…

Jeon Jungkook’s smiling face flashed in your mind.

You only had one orb-shaped lamp on currently. It was one of those that you could set the lighting color and tone to your taste. You liked the low, moody, cool blue lighting. Besides, you knew the layout of your apartment by now, and the overhead lighting wasn’t necessary unless you needed to look for something.

The orb shone like the moon.

Jungkook had known such a different version of you and yet he still smiled at you like that.

“You must have somebody, don’t you?” you sighed to the shining moon.

It was silly to think too much about a random conversation. And, really, all he wanted to know was if you still found him hot or whatever. Yeah, he was just looking for external validation. You just happened to be there. Tattoos and piercings and working out? Sounded like a quarter life crisis to you. One that worked out in his favor, though. Your skin prickled with goosebumps, but it wasn’t from a tangible cold.

In the darkness, the moon-shaped light glowed brightly.

“It would be nice if you had somebody.”

You frowned and turned your back to the light.

It was a coincidence. Another moment of going through life and realizing you had been climbing Penrose stairs all along. How different were you from back then, really? It wasn’t as if you magically started getting into relationships and had a damn epiphany. The cruel epiphany was that we were all stuck in this endless loop of our respective pasts catching up to the present. No amount of heat could dissipate the coldness of the future.

You sighed, melting into the comfort of your cool bedsheets.

“I should just forget about Jeon Jungkook,” you mumbled.

Whatever.

Wasn’t like you were ever gonna see him again.

You dozed off.

Your phone vibrated against your chest.

“You idiot, you know you have no tolerance…”

“Noona, it was so fun, ahahaha…”

The air was cold. The sting of winter clung to his cheeks. He called out her name, feeling like the sound was drowned out by the cars and white noise in his head, but, once again, Jeon Jungkook completely forgot how loud he was.

Passersby jumped as he ran past clutching a guitar bag.

Her arms were wrapped around a blue-haired man who was dwarfing her frame. He looked half-asleep and too proud of himself but that was probably under the influence of alcohol and good vibes. She jolted, startled, her eyes widening as Jungkook skidded to a questionably close stop in front of them, nearly colliding into her.

In fact, he did.

“Woah!”

“Yah!”

He threw an arm out and around them, snapping back to hold the three of them up, pressing the guitar bag to her chest. There they were, a bundle of people who somehow ended up like this with a guitar cuddled between them, standing in the middle of the sidewalk at midnight with nightlife bystanders staring at them like they were all insane. At least Kang Hyungu was completely oblivious. Come to find out during dinner, he had low alcohol tolerance. Less than a soju bottle low. Welp. Nobody had believed him and he had given in a bit. At least he had the backup plan of a close friend picking him up. The group of guys had all stayed at the restaurant, making sure he was safe until she arrived, flushed and windswept, bowing repeatedly in thankfulness.

Therefore, Kang Hyungu was blissfully unaware of the sudden awkwardness of past lovers staring at each other with their stunned faces millimeters from each other.

Jungkook froze, holding her tight.

“H… His guitar…”

Her lips parted but no sound came out.

In his shock, he had only now realized she had removed her makeup. His heartbeat leapt to his throat, suddenly remembering how much he had loved the shape of her eyes and the color of her natural, full lips. How her cheeks seemed more filled out now. Healthier. Her skin glowed. He could almost…

Almost.

His body shivered.

She blinked, casting her eyes down. “Oh, shit, how could I forget… T-Thank you. He would be heartbroken without his precious guitar,” she breathed out quickly and exasperatedly, reaching up to grab the strap. “Thank you. Sorry to trouble you.”

“It’s o-okay…”

Jungkook reluctantly peeled away from her, taking a step back. There was an awkward moment of her still holding onto her friend and shouldering the guitar, juggling between the two. Even in that short moment, Jungkook realized Kang Hyungu must work out. He was not as light as he seemed. Instinctively, Jungkook reached out and held Hyungu’s shoulders when the guitar slipped from her narrow shoulder.

“Aw, fuck–”

Jungkook almost laughed at her puffed cheeks and under-the-breath swearing.

Almost, because his heart ached suddenly.

She had been so cute when she was mad, even if it was being taken out on him. He always thought that, so it had always been hard to argue when he was trying not to be in love with those cheeks.

“Sorry, I got him,” she sighed. “I’ll get him home even if I have to drag him.”

“I’ll help you, noona.”

She froze with her arms around another man. Her eyes darted and fixated on him.

Jungkook realized his mistake and also froze.

He had been calling her formally by name out of politeness until now. The same way strangers would address each other with no intention of ever meeting again. The honorific had just slipped out naturally. Or unnaturally, depending on how one considered the effects of alcohol. The blue-haired guitarist was half-asleep on her shoulder. There were only two conscious souls under this streetlamp on this cold night.

A diffused spotlight.

He sputtered. “S… Sorry, was that too informal…?”

Her gaze shifted. Were her cheeks pink from the crisp air or was it his eyes playing tricks on him? “No, it’s fine, I just…” She shook her head, swallowing hard. “It’s been a while since you… It’s okay,” she chuckled, the corner of her lips rising. “I mean, I would be pissed if you called me anything else. Our age difference is not that significant, but it’s there.”

“Y-Yeah.”

Was there hope in those shadowy eyes or was it all in his mind?

“Don’t you have to go home too?”

He grinned.

“Ah, I stay up until three in the morning every night anyway. Let’s get Hyungu-ssi home.”

Which was how you ended up on a bus with not-so-little-anymore Kang Hyungu snoring on your left shoulder and your past fling Jeon Jungkook on your right.

Awkward.

You clutched Hyungu’s guitar bag like your life depended on it. Actually, deep down you were kind of glad it somehow ended up this way. Being on a bus at midnight meant the crowd was the unpleasant kind. It must have been an odd sight. Sleeping Hyungu by the window, you in the middle seat holding a very expensive guitar, and Jungkook at the aisle being a great big buffer to keep the unsavory folk away. He was wearing a thick black parka over his charcoal sweat set, and he had his hood up to protect his ears from the cold.

For some reason, his jaw was clenched.

His eyebrows were furrowed too, giving him a very mean appearance for no reason. Or, at least, no discernable reason you could conclude. He wasn’t looking at anyone in particular as far as you could tell.

“Sorry about this,” you suddenly said.

Jungkook flinched and turned his head to look at you. Instantly, his expression burst into life, the stern expression melting away into sparkling big peepers and pink lips in a small ‘o’, making your breath catch as the small mole under his lip appeared.

You used to kiss that mole first before you kissed his lips.

Used to.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” he replied with a smile.

“I feel like I cut your night short.”

He gave you a lopsided grin, scratching his cheek. “Eh, I can go to the club or karaoke bar some other time. And maybe I need to not be so easily influenced, ahahaha…”

You hummed. “Guess you’re still the same, going along with our people’s suggestions.”

He puffed his cheeks. “No, I’m not. I’m here with you now, aren’t I?” he shot back.

Pause.

You both looked away at the same time.

Hyungu snored softly in your ear.

Thanks for that, man.

You tried to ignore the creeping goosebumps along your back. It was not the outside temperature. You were wearing your big black leather jacket over the black sweatshirt and jeans you yanked on to quickly get out the door. Your shoulder bumped into Jungkook’s as the bus stopped and let some passengers off. It was still a few stops yet of this awkwardness. For fuck’s sake, you were the older one. Come on. You resisted the urge to slap your own cheeks to get a grip. Nothing is going on here. The heart palpitations were in your head. Yeah. Totally.

“Thank you, again.”

You felt him shift, sitting up straighter. “I really don’t mind at all, noona.”

You sat up too, casting him a sideways half-smile.

He bit the left side of his lip, mumbling.

“I never minded doing anything for you.”

A strange tingling sensation danced over your scalp and down your shoulders. Sigh. He was doing this on purpose, right? One look and of course not. You shut your eyes. Maybe you could just make up a reason to hate him. You thought you had lost him under other bodies and darker nights and bad decisions. You thought he hated you for ending it the way you did, so coolly and unfeelingly. You thought.

“Have you been happy, Jungkook?”

You felt him hesitate. You could almost remember how he smelled back then. Like crisp linens and bright cotton. He loved fabric softener and similar clean scents. Have you been happy after me? You hoped so. In retrospect, you had been such a small, meaningless part in this winding road of life.

“I… I guess? I’m doing things I like to do. I feel like I’m able to live more freely, and I figure I can just… keep doing what I’m good at.”

You smiled.

“That’s good.”

You opened your eyes.

“What about you, noona?”

Have I been happy?

Did you even know what that meant? And yet you felt the weight of precious Hyungu’s head against your shoulder. Someone who relied on your good heart wholeheartedly. Never mind your opinion of if your heart was good or not, or even there. Happy? You went to work. You enjoyed your hobbies like music and games. You stayed home and shopped online when you were bored. You had the money to buy your favorite snacks and you had the luxury to have poor time management to eat them at midnight and wake up puffy the next day.

You had a very simple life that your younger self could barely dream of.

I don’t want to end up like my parents.

Was that why you didn’t want to be in a relationship?

“Noona?”

You looked up suddenly, noticing your surroundings. Quickly pulled on the cord to create the gentle bell tone.

“We need to get off here.”

Somehow, Jungkook ended up in a stranger’s corner apartment surrounded by vinyl, boxed CD albums, and music equipment. It was on a lower floor so at least they didn’t have to climb any stairs to get to the front door. The living room area was less like a living room and more like a half-music studio, complete with guitars, speakers, and a computer with lots of expensive looking music equipment around it. The surrounding walls had black foam squares taped neatly, even on the ceiling. The rest of the wall space was occupied by posters of various indie and mainstream bands. He was surprised to see the few plushies of penguins on the couch. Along the wall of the stairs were flyers that each had a corresponding nail that hung lanyards with plastic cards – artist passes. Festivals and concerts and such, each one containing a recurring name if he looked closely enough.

He, along with his past lover, helped the young man he had just met tonight into the bed in the loft area.

It was a small space.

Somehow, they managed being that close.

“Thanks, again,” she sighed, descending down the stairs in front of him. “You must be thirsty. There has to be some water around here.”

Somehow, Jungkook found himself standing in the hallways of a stranger’s apartment drinking a bottle of water as he watched the one who got away rip a memo note off a pad and scribble something down, finding a Pingu mug to sandwich it under.

Somehow.

She turned around and sighed, looking relieved. The guitar bag was on the sofa, safe and sound.

Then they stared at each other, realizing they were now alone.

Well, not alone.

Above them, Kang Hyungu was in dreamland.

“Ah…”

Her shoulders slumped.

“Sorry, I didn’t even ask how out of your way this was. I’ll pay for a taxi back.”

“Ah, no, that’s okay. I can make my way.”

“Don’t be like that,” she scolded, although not with much severity. “I can’t take advantage of your kindness.”

He paused, staring into her eyes. They hadn’t turned on too many lights. Enough to see, and then turned off most of them right away to avoid waking up the neighbors with the brightness. Only the warm bulb by the door was on now, illuminating them together.

“Noona, can I ask you something?” he asked softly, realizing his voice shook a little.

She lifted her head, pulling her hands out of her pockets.

“Yeah, of course. What is it?”

Have you ever been in love?

He looked at her, and he remembered the question she didn’t answer on the bus. They had been hurried and trying not to inconvenience anyone. Now that what about you was lost in the whirlwind of sights, sounds, in time past. Jungkook was pretty sure that he knew what the line of love and distraction was, but he found he had no real words to describe it. Only a feeling of sureness, just as he was sure that if he asked this question, have you ever been in love, he would be overstepping a boundary somehow.

Mostly because it seemed obvious.

And also because it was not fair to ask questions that he was personally invested in the answer and honestly didn’t know if he wanted to know the answer.

Had he ever been in love? Sure, although he knew it was always with the caveat of what he knew at the time and driven by the image painted by his own parents. A miracle that he had a chance to witness. He hadn’t really thought about how deeply seeing them interact affected him until he met her. She never spoke about her parents. It was like they didn’t exist. No photos, no calls, no casual drop-bys to hand over a home-cooked meal and say hi. In contrast, Jungkook had the unfortunately mortifying moment of being balls deep and then interrupted by his own mother right before the big finale. She just silently laughed while hiding behind the door as his mom attempted to enter his apartment, why are there clothes all over the floor, aish, I keep telling you that I didn’t teach you to be messy, and him trying to reassure her that everything was fine and he had to be somewhere soon.

Yeah.

Anyway.

It the time it had been embarrassing, but she had told him something that had, again, stuck with him for a long time after. You are lucky that she takes the time to bother you. Some people would do anything to have their parents care for their well-being just one more time. The realization had humbled him. Sorry. I didn’t know your parents passed away. But she had just shaken her head with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

No, Jungkook, they’re very much alive. They just never cared about me, ever.

He had felt very sorry then, but she had waved her hand and laughed.

Don’t be. I can’t miss something I’ve never had.

It was then that Jungkook realized that he believed in love because his parents were in love. It was later when Jungkook realized that he, too, had been in love, but this was only after he had stopped seeing her. Only after he stopped tasting her strong, concentrated flavor. The world had become a tasteless future despite all the color and saturation trying to grab his attention.

Because she had left.

It might have been short, but that time had been a forever-after packed into a few months.

Jungkook jumped as she tapped the back of his hand with her fingertip.

“Hello? Welcome back to Earth. Did you enjoy your time spacing out?”

She looked amused.

“Guess you haven’t changed from your random space-outs, heh,” she chuckled, taking his empty water bottle and tossing it in the recycling. Even removed the paper label and everything. “Come on. You shouldn’t be interrogating me in Hyungu’s apartment anyway.”

She ushered him out of the apartment and made sure to lock up behind herself. He wondered why she had a key. Then again, her and the guitarist were very clearly good friends. Jungkook wondered if it would still be like that if Hyungu or her started dating. Or, maybe not, if they ended up dating each other.

Suddenly, Jungkook felt incredibly helpless.

She bumped into him because he stopped walking, bouncing off. They were still in the narrow hallway, trying to be quiet so as not to disturb the neighbors at this late hour. The light in the hallway was warm and low. Not due to the night. More because the lightbulbs were generally old and shitty.

“Woah, what’s going on? You don’t know how to walk straight? Do you need a leash?” she whispered lightheartedly, coming around him.

He looked up.

It must have shown on his face because the playful laughter in her features immediately slipped away upon eye contact.

He had millions of unfair questions swirling in his mind, can we try again, is there something wrong with me, why did you leave me, and Jungkook knew he could ask none of them. For fuck’s sake, they had only just seen each other again tonight. He should just be happy they were together now, even in this platonic way. He should just be happy that she seemed healthy and content. He should just…

But you’ve always known me so well.

You aren’t hard to read, Jungkook, she used to laugh when they talked about how fast they had gotten into bed together.

She placed her hand on his elbow.

Dragged from his minty whirlwind memories and thrown into the present, Jungkook stared at her unreadable expression, but there were too many shadows and his vision was too clouded with what was.

“Come on. We can’t stay here,” she murmured gently, pulling him along.

“I’m not letting you go home alone. It’s not safe.”

“What do you think I’ve been doing all this time? Teleporting?” You scowled. “Besides, turns out your apartment is closer to here and mine is further down. It makes no sense for you to double back.”

One thing about Jeon Jungkook was that once he got an idea in his head, he was more stubborn than an ox. It was true back then when he was chasing after your ass and it was true right now. He was frowning at you and furrowing his eyebrows. The frustrated expression was broken by how big his dark brown eyes were.

“I keep telling you it’s not a big deal for me, noona. I don’t mind.”

“This isn’t about whether or not you mind,” you sighed grumpily. “It just doesn’t make sense. Fine. Fine, do whatever you want.”

Which was how you ended up in a taxi with Jungkook, crammed in the backseat of a tiny sedan with a grandpa who didn’t make small talk and blasted trot music. Well, it probably would have felt less tiny if Jungkook wasn’t right next to you like a big fabric blob. You hadn’t paid much attention to how crowded you had been on the bus since you were already weighed down by half-dead guitarist and his guitar. You had thought Hyungu had been playing up his drunkenness for the attention but he had thoroughly passed out by the time the bus had arrived. He was a lightweight so you weren’t super worried to leave him alone. Then again, you couldn’t tell Jungkook to get lost and leave you at another guy’s apartment, because what kind of message would that send?

Not that Jungkook’s opinion of how you spent your time mattered.

It had just felt rude, that was all.

You were kind of worried about him anyway. You witnessed him zoning out and simply standing there twice already. Boy was gonna get kidnapped one of these days. Sheesh. The car rolled to a stop. You paid the driver through the app and thanked him, getting a wordless nod in return. Cool. Opened the car door and climbed out, followed by a big shadowy blob.

Uh.

The car drove away.

“Jungkook, you should have asked him to drive you to your place,” you pointed out.

Those big brown eyes looked from your apartment complex to you. “Huh?”

Was the heck is on his mind? You sighed and pulled up the taxi app again. “Give me your address. I did say I’ll pay for it.”

“I, erm…”

You looked up at Jungkook’s uneasy tone. Confused. He looked uncomfortable and awkward, not really looking at you in the face.

“I kinda have to go.”

You blinked at him.

He waved his hands. “Eh, it’s fine. I’ll go find a bush or something. Um.”

“Jungkook, I’m not letting you pee in a bush. Do you see this place? You think they’ll let me continue living here after seeing on one of their cameras that my guest peed in a bush?”

He looked from the white walls to the stone fence to the black iron gate to the immaculately clean, very neatly trimmed, small ball-shaped bushes. They weren’t even knee-height. “I-I-I just don’t want you to t-think…” He shifted, wavering a bit. Eyes darting in every direction. “It was all the water and the alcohol earlier, um…” You sighed and turned around to punch in the code. “I didn’t want you to think I’m doing it on purpose.”

You paused.

Then you pushed the gate open and motioned him in.

“Come on before your piss yourself.”

Which was how you ended up sighing as you tossed your jacket onto your large charcoal sofa while Jungkook emptied his bladder in the bathroom of your apartment. At least you hoped that was what he was doing. You weren’t going to be a creep and try to listen for evidence. You flopped down, cozying into the soft but durable fabric. You wouldn’t have brought this couch if it wasn’t for the great deal and the ability for it to be modular, meaning you could lock the pieces together to make a bed and watch television, as well as also having the ability to make it look like an L-shaped sofa when you had guests over so that they didn’t know that you really put the potato in couch potato several times a week.

Hey.

Money well spent.

Of course, you usually only had very few guests over. Occasional one to warm the bed and maybe hosting Hyungu’s band members. Not at the same time. Duh. You weren’t trying to traumatize the five friends you had – Hyungu and the other four band members. Yeah. Wasn’t much, but they existed, even though they were busy right now being Korean men and all that. Soon, Hyungu would be egg-headed and off to duty too. You puffed out your cheeks. Temporary, of course, and yet.

Who knows what could happen?

You were always prepared to find yourself alone.

Wouldn’t be the first time to come home, only to realize home didn’t exist.

It never had.

You heard commotion and Jungkook reappeared, looking relieved. Probably because he was. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to…” He trailed off.

You stood up.

You were past the wishing phase. The pretending phase. Past the numbness and looking for promises when there were none. Expectation was only the precursor to disappointment, after all. To be honest, if it wasn’t for your carnal sex drive, you would be past the distractions too. Good to know you weren’t completely ready to throw in the towel yet. If it wasn’t for someone relying on you, you as well have chosen to fade away.

If it wasn’t for…

You made eye contact with Jeon Jungkook, even though you didn’t want to.

Before today, you really wouldn’t have cared about seeing someone you used to date. Past was in the past. You had made a lot of bad decisions. So far, they hadn’t come back to haunt you yet. As you stared into those big brown eyes, frozen in place by your sudden attention, you wondered what you could say to assure him that you were different from back then. You could admit it now. You could admit back then you were weaker than anybody else, fighting your own demons by running away, wondering what was wrong with you to have parents who fought every day and did everything to run away from their internal struggles except the solution of divorce, and you could admit now that you took out that loss on everyone else around you, all the while knowing the reality.

That was just how life was, sometimes.

Life didn’t know fair and unfair. People made choices without caring about the consequences all the time. You didn’t care enough back then, because you knew you wouldn’t know what to do if they cared back. You knew you could never be beloved when you had nothing and no one to call home.

I don’t want to avoid reality, even if I’m afraid.

The past memories flickered like a whirling panorama – Jungkook nervous in front of you, trying to ask about how the automated system worked so he could get ramyeon with the soft-boiled egg at the PC bang in the dead of night. Playing computer games with him, laughing because he wasn’t very good but still trying for some reason. Learning that he wasn’t doing very well in university and that he was trying to do the escapism thing while working on his video editing business on the side. Sharing a bed with him, not saying anything about how all your belongings only fit in one duffel bag. He didn’t have to know. His face between your hands. Kisses that took his worries away. Body to body, warm for the first time in a long time. Your fingertips walking up his chest, all the way to his rattling heartbeat, turning a simple night into a fantasy.

The thought of your actions having any positive effect seemed foreign and impossible.

But maybe that was the victim mentality talking.

“Can I ask you something, Jungkook?”

He looked surprised. “M…Me?”

You hooked your thumbs into the belt loops of your jeans, doing something with your hands so they wouldn’t fidget about. Even now, he was the same. There was still this persistent innocence about him, stubbornly sticking around as if he could be young forever. He still believed in something, even if life kept trying to tell him time and time again that it wasn’t true.

“Do you still have feelings for me?”

You saw the whirlwind flash through his eyes.

Guilt. Nervousness. Uncertainty. Helplessness, wondering if he was asking for something that could never be given. He was still so easy to read. Those big brown eyes couldn’t hide anything and it wasn’t his nature to lie. There were stars in his eyes.

Those stars were tears.

“You said… You said you can’t feel love,” he shuddered, blinking hard.

There wasn’t much space between you and him. Somewhere around a meter. But it felt like light-years of desolate space and sudden heartache from a heart you weren’t sure you had. Maybe you were born with one, but all flowers wither with no care. You were the desert and he was the ocean, at least in the emotional sense.

You wanted to insist.

I can know love!

But, could you?

You collected a breath and nodded. “I wanted to say I’m sorry for back then. For using you, even though you probably don’t think you were used. For breaking the unspoken promise I couldn’t understand.”

Jungkook looked back at you. His voice small, stranded and lost.

“I have never fallen in love after you, noona.”

You were different now, you told yourself, but maybe you weren’t really and that was the problem.

“It’s impossible to fall in love when I have always been in love with you.”

You opened your mouth to tell him that was silly. It had only been a couple months. You hadn’t even really been that attentive. It had been a short-lived romance, if you could call fucking constantly and gaming at the PC bang at three in the morning that. A fleeting gratification. A sharp burst that lit up the timeline of a very long and eventful life that Jeon Jungkook would have. Nothing more.

Just…

A pop of peppermint gum.

You had meaningful relationships. Ones that taught you things about yourself and people. Maybe even ones that other people could consider love, depending on what their definition was.

But, then there was…

Jungkook.

You opened your mouth to tell him he was silly but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

Had it been love?

And could it still be love?

“You… You don’t even know what I’m like now,” you blew out, suddenly feeling winded. “I could be a total asshole.” You looked away, tucking your tongue in your cheek.

“But I helped you make sure you got your friend and his guitar home safe?” Jungkook questioned, sounding confused. “Would a total asshole would do that?”

“I don’t know,” you rambled, not so sure about anything anymore. “I mean… you’ve only just met me again after how long?”

“A really long time,” Jungkook answered, frown in his tone.

“Yeah, exactly.” You latched on, not caring that he didn’t even calculate it. “How do you know it’s not rose-tinted glasses and all that?”

He shrugged. Glanced at you. “I don’t really think I have the brainpower for that, noona.”

You stared at him.

Jungkook shrugged again.

You shook your head. “You can’t say that about yourself.”

He scratched his cheek, looking sheepish. “At least I know where I’m still lacking?”

You let out an exasperated sigh. “No, you–”

He beat you to it.

“Do I have to understand?”

You froze, realizing you had taken a few steps towards him, perhaps in hopes of shaking some sense into him. This was crazy. This didn’t make any sense. This was only a coincidence turned convoluted by memories, tangled emotions, circumstance…

“My mind might forget, but my body always remembered. There is only you for me.”

Your head snapped up, seeing his soft smile. The recall was so fierce that it was déjà vu, except you had been the one with the gentle smile and he had been the one lost, wondering if you were afraid of losing his love. Now. His short black hair a little windswept, his dark brown eyes a little glassy, and yet he smiled at you, mole peeking out from under the center of his lower lip. Do I have to understand? To understand was to know and to know was to be sure that you were in love, except that you said so yourself that sometimes the thoughts didn’t quite catch up to the heart.

He looked embarrassed, abruptly looking away, letting out a shaky breath.

“It’s just… I think I knew it all along but, even if I know, it doesn’t mean I can change your mind, ha… ha, can you imagine, running off to track you down, you would just think I’m crazy, and if I jeopardized your happiness for my own selfishness, I don’t think I could live with myself… and, anyway…”

He wasn’t really looking at anything anymore.

“Even if what I wanted was ugly, our time was beautiful.”

You stepped forward.

“It’s a common, basic story, isn’t it? My wish for us to be exceptional is too foolish,” Jungkook laughed weakly. Rambling. Speaking from his heart but still unable to focus on the present.

You reached forward.

“I wanted everything about you. I still do.”

Your fingertip touched his cheek.

“Don’t cry,” you finally said.

He froze.

You wiped away a fallen star, the overhead lights of your apartment catching the tears before Jungkook even realized they were there. You brushed the droplet away, but they were falling, falling, and he turned his head, still not really registering what was happening, even as the base of your palms pressed into his cheeks and swept his tears away, quickly breathless as you were captured by the universes entangled in his eyes. You could feel the wetness on your skin. The shudder in his breath. His hands came up to touch your wrists, and you still believed you couldn’t be enough for him, even now, but your body responded on its own, cradling his face, bringing him to you.

“Please don’t cry,” you said again, softly, and realized you said it because, a long time ago, you would have done anything to have someone tell you that in the past, please don’t cry. So, you told Jungkook instead.

He was someone as precious as a memory.

And, yes, even if your thoughts didn’t catch up right away, you pulled him to you, body to body, feeling him shiver, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, this isn’t very manly of me, and like clockwork you told him to shut up and cry, holding him because you remembered he liked to be held. You had told him back then that you weren’t really the type to cuddle, but he had finally confessed late one night that he yearned to be close to you, even if only for a little while, and that he had been afraid to admit it in fear of pushing you away. So, you relented, if only to comfort him and make him happy.

Is that love?

“It’s okay to cry,” you murmured gently, stroking his hair. “It’s just not okay to cry alone.”

He buried his eyes into your shoulder and wept.

He was still in his jacket, swamping you with his frame and excess layers. You placed your arms around his waist under his parka, feeling his warm and shaking frame, gently placing your hands on his shoulder blades.

“I’m sorry… I-I don’t k-know why I’m c-crying…”

“Shh…”

You tugged him along. Step by step, and made him sit on the sofa with you, curled up in a tangle of limbs with your hands on his back. His body was hot from emotion, and he pulled his arms out of his jacket to wipe his nose and eyes with his hoodie sleeves, still not looking at you, and you gave him the privacy, not looking at him either, only holding him as close as possible and keeping his parka on his shoulders, covering you and him together.

“T-This wasn’t how… I t-thought… how I would be hugging you a-again…” Jungkook sobbed quietly, leaning his forehead against your shoulder.

You held him close.

“Yeah, well, nothing is really turning out how you or I planned it. Mostly because neither of us had a plan to begin with.”

He laughed, albeit feebly and wetly, but you just smiled and placed your hand on his head again, running your fingers through his hair. You didn’t have a grand speech planned. You didn’t even really know the right words to say or the correct way to organize your thoughts. You simply leaned him against you, nestled in the cushions, and kept your arms wrapped around him for a long, long time.

click here for part ii

masterpost

#jungkook x reader #bts smut #jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you

264 notes · View notes

areislol · 2 years

Note

genshin characters (diluc, zhongli, childe, albedo, scaramouche, or any of your choice) having a crush on reader they only met online. they're very far from each other, like an ldr but just talking stage. how do you think would they act or make an effort to talk with the reader or maybe go to them🧐

streamer! diluc, zhongli, xiao, dainsleif, albedo, scaramouche x online friend! reader

ft — diluc, zhongli, xiao, dainsleif, albedo, scara warnings — very, very long.. a/n — helloooo, i hope you have a great day or night, or evening.. other than that i love this idea and im so sorry that i couldn't do this one earlier :( i have many requests to do and if you're someone who requested something and haven't gotten anything please just know that i do see each and every one of your guys requests and please be patient!! fun fact: i was nervous to even post this cuz 1, this was way too long and 2, i was scared if it flops as i spent weeks on this and you know.. but i finally gave in by using my bestie(wheelspinner) and it said to “yes, post it” so here it is..

recommend listening to: sickick - mind games

streamer! diluc x online friend! reader

ok first of all, how did you catch diluc's eye?? like?? how.

anyways.. you and diluc met on discord, it was before diluc was well known - when he had around 3,000 followers.

diluc met you on a server and you both became friends really quickly, despite diluc being known to be "cold" and "reserved" diluc was always open and it was like a shy and scared cat opening up to its owner

ever since the day diluc and you talked, diluc found himself always giving you "good morning" and "good night" messages, he also finds himself always checking if you're online or not so he could text you and spark up a conversation.

you and diluc also gave each other your socials so you could talk to each other not just on discord(insta, twitch, etc.)

when diluc gave you his twitch, you immediately checked his account right away and you saw how many followers he had and you was amazed!!

you and diluc knew each other really well and because of diluc's schedule you could only talk to him on certain days on a certain time.

whenever diluc was streaming you would always be in the stream hanging out with diluc and interacting with him, diluc also put you as his mod <3 if you wanted to(which you did) you and diluc would be in vc playing games together on stream.

he also made a server for everyone who enjoyed his content(viewers and fans too) to join, he made a role only for you. and only for you - "the best" or any cute nickname.

(he may or may not have given you co owner or owner)

day by day diluc's channel started to grow to where he almost had 10,000+ followers, to almost 1 mill.

you made sure to screenshot whenever diluc hit his goal, so one day you could show everyone how diluc started small to big so that whoever wants to be a streamer, all these screenshots are proof that everyone starts small at some point and then gradually grows big <3

but the problem is, the more diluc's channel grew, the most busier he got and that means that you both dont really have time to talk to each other and that pains both of you.

whenever diluc has time off or just have time to squeeze in any "y/n time" he makes sure to make the most of it.

you're one of diluc's greatest supporters, you've been there with him from when he had 3,000+ followers to now, and he really appreciates it - and especially since you're his crush he values you and adores you 100x more

moving on, in diluc's server you're given either your own special role that comes with all perms, owner role or co owner role.

he allows you to do ANYTHING, anything you want. he trusts you that much and he knows that you won't do anything stupid.

he has his own vc just for the two of you, it's called "me n them <3", you must be blind if you can't even see these hints or maybe you do know but is just waiting for the right time..

ANYWAYS.

he even makes a whole category dedicated to you, for example: "y/n fanart | give y/n love | appreciation | y/n supremacy | y/n talk"

and many more, he also makes sure that nobody makes you feel uncomfortable - if anyone is talking about you in an inappropriate way hell immediately mute them and if the situation is much more worse he'll ban them and makes sure to tell everyone to report them.

you and diluc have both been thinking of meeting up irl, but you both haven't spoke about it to each other as it might seem weird.

you also both know what each other looks like because you know, you guys are extremely close and it just seemed right to show each others face.

(that's if you're comfortable only. if you didn't/dont want to show your face then it's okay <3 diluc loves you either way - he's not here for ur looks.)

diluc has always dreamt of meeting you irl, to see each other face to face, to take you on expensive and lovely dates, to give you his all but of course, everything comes with a problem.

because of covid, some flights have been delayed and closed for the time being, which means that diluc can't fly to you or you can't fly to him.

when you had finally built the courage to tell diluc, you was surprised by his response. "diluccc?? can i speak to u abt something rq?" "sure y/n, what's up?"

(just telling you, he responds to your texts so fast - whether he's streaming, buying food, etc)

"well i've been thinking about like yk, meeting up?" diluc, when he read that message was in SHOCK. i mean like, he was going to say it anyways but the fact that you too also thought about it? wow, that just made diluc want to fall to the ground and roll around squealing while making happy diluc noises but i wont go any further.

what i mean is that diluc is now smiling like a mad man while responding to your message "well, i was thinking about that too. but because of covid i dont think we'll be able to meet up. what if covid restrictions are lowered? would you be able to fly over?"

NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO ROLL AROUND AND SQUEAL.

you immediately respond, typing extremely fast that your message turns out to be looking like this -> "if covid resitrction ar elowered yes ofc, would u be able to fly oevr to me thoygh?"

you've left diluc worried and dumbfounded..

anyways you and diluc spend the next few hours talking about meeting up irl and planning on what to do if covid restrictions DO lower.

you and diluc are both super excited about meeting up irl. imagine the feeling when you finally meet up with the person you love the most. euphoria.

now the thought of meeting up face to face is all that occupies dilucs mind, you and diluc seem to be eager to meet irl so diluc makes sure to check the news everyday just to see if they've lowered the covid restrictions

diluc also checks up on you everyday, from the morning, afternoon to night. he makes sure that you're feeling alright.

diluc also sends you boxes of plushies and clothes to you <3 you know those people who ship people self-care packages? yea it's just like that but instead diluc ships you a whole box filled with plushies that you've told him you wanted because they're just so darn cute

diluc also ships you matching clothes so that you could both match when you do meet up.

ALSO SENDS YOU FOOD!! snacks you've always wanted but never could because of your parents? oh what's this lying on top of everything - the snacks you've always wanted? no way!!

also gives you free diluc merch. always. sometimes daydreams about seeing you wearing his merch <3 intentionally ships you the larger version because.. oversized clothes..

diluc makes sure that no person is harassing you, if they do well.. lets just say that their account gets banned in the next hour because of diluc telling everyone(and i mean everyone.) to go report their account and makes sure that their account is banned.

"y/n you seem uncomfortable, is everything alright?"

(normally you text him within a few seconds yet you're texting him after like 4 minutes which is not normal, unless ur busy or something)

"oh yea, some creep is just making me feel uncomfortable right now" "user?" "oh uh it's ___" diluc in the server: !!everyone go report this user rn "___"!!

diluc literally sends them a rude message - "dont ever talk to y/n or any person like that again you disgusting perverted creep, go get a life instead of leeching off women and other people you fat piece of shit", then diluc goes on to report them, block them.

y’all know the “sweetest pie w/ wink” song? yea just imagine diluc blocking them in slow mo(just his fingers showing) and then him winking when the wink sound comes on while throwing his phone.

there's also a channel for edits, and majority of them are ship edits, edits of you and diluc. the only reason why diluc even made a channel named "edits" was just so he could see the edits people made of him and you. he saves them and sometimes even rewatches them just so he could see that moment over and over again.

wishing that something like that would happen, wishing that a miracle would happen.

streamer! zhongli x online friend! reader

zhongli, also known as "morax" was always known for his cool, calm and collected nature, his soft, honey like voice and his amazing gaming skills despite being always calm.

he was never like those hyper energetic streamers who cried whenever they lost a battle, he just responds with "gg" and resumes playing.

and because of that, zhongli has attracted many people who are now, his loyal fans.

even though zhongli is always calm, his looks do not help either way. everyone goes crazy over his long and healthy hair, and his face

and zhongli is aware.

zhongli had met you through a server on discord, it was a server for those who loved to play games and find a partner to play with. so when the bot matched you and zhongli to play - you two become very quick friends.

zhongli admired your skills and you did too!! you both exchanged ways to kill an opponent. you didn't really know that is was THE morax so when zhongli asked if he could friend you, you agreed!! you've just made your very first friend.

(im kidding, maybe not.)

since that day, you two would play together and battle against each other - it wasn't about winning, rather it was about having fun and that was exactly what you and zhongli were feeling.

when you told and showed everyone about your new friend, they all said that, that was morax, THE morax - the famous and skilled streamer.

when you found out about it, you talked to zhongli about it and he confirmed. you, was in shock. you.. were talking with an extremely talented and popular streamer? how could this be..

but that didn't change your relationship. zhongli had thought that once you found out that he was a famous streamer you would take advantage of him and just use him for fame but - nope!

your relationship with zhongli was still the same, you weren't using him, begging him for expensive items and etc.

after you found out about zhongli being morax, zhongli just made you mod for his stream because why not and invited you into his discord server.

just like diluc, he made you - your very own special role!! it was called "them<3" and if you wanted to, zhongli made you the owner.

zhongli is a mature person, and is very wise so he knows what he's doing.

may or may not have made a vc only for you and him..

you and zhongli have a pretty close relationship, you both check up on each other and your personality matches with zhongli's really well, no matter how crazy or calm you are.

if you're extremely hyperactive and is.. a bit crazy - zhongli has no problems with that. he IS always calm and collected so he doesn't mind you acting all crazy like a childe that had just eaten 5 packets of sugar.

if you're like zhongli, quite calm and doesn't really make a ruckus - you two are like the perfect match. if you two were next to each other, you both would be sitting down, legs crossed as you watch your friends being extremely crazy. unbothered of course.

zhongli had always thought of meeting up with you. he has always have, the thought of having you in his arms makes his heart swell.

the more you talked with him, the more he fell in love with you. your personality, the way you cared for him and others, the way you never changed your personality whenever talking with people, there wasn't a single flaw about you. you, were perfect.

when zhongli brought up the topic of "meeting up irl" you immediately replied "i've been thinking abt that too^^ do you want to meet up?"

ha.. haha.. you've got to be kidding me, right? OFC HE WANTS TO MEET UP W/ U

but back to the meeting up plan..

you and zhongli talk about meeting up for the rest of the day and you both agree that once covid has calmed down a bit, zhongli would fly over to you

also sends you cute plushies that remind him of you, sends you merch of his own

zhongli gives you a plushie of him to you <3

you also give zhongli a plushie of you and you know those bfs who take care of the plushie their gf gives to them? that's what zhongli does to them.

when your plushie is shipped to zhongli, as soon as it arrives - zhongli makes sure it's in good condition and takes care of it, it was like zhongli taking care of a baby.

every night he puts the plushie on his bed and puts the covers over it, pulls out his phone and takes a photo of it, sends it to you and sends the message "lil y/n is going to sleep now"

every morning he brings the plushie with him to the bathroom, he puts the toothbrush next to the plushie and takes a picture of it with the caption - "lil y/n is going to brush their teeth now"

it's just so adorable, he also does this every time he's doing something, eating lunch, streaming, writing, going to the gym and etc.

sends you his merch!! for free ofc. also buys you snacks, self care products and cute decorations for your room or house.

streamer! xiao x online friend! reader

xiao's a complicated one, well for other people. he's reserved, doesn't interact with many people outside, and always has a nonchalant expression so it's hard to read his feelings.

you and xiao both met on discord, you two shared the same interest so you two got along pretty quickly. despite xiao known for not communicating well, you, somehow made xiao felt like himself

that might sound cliché but the way you always made sure that he felt comfortable despite it being an online relationship made him feel safe, you didnt use him, pressure him, or try to get anything from him and that reassured him that you weren't a bad person at all.

since day 1, xiao found himself longing for your attention, he wanted to text you everyday and he hoped that you would too. and you did!

after a few weeks, xiao surprisingly told you that he was a streamer and other information about him. you checked his account and god.. he had over 1 million subscribers

but just because xiao was famous doesn't mean anything, you continued to talk and xiao and still treated him the same way.

just like diluc and zhongli, he makes you mod and invites you to his discord server. he welcomes you and asks if you want a special role

"hi everyone, this is my friend y/n. please welcome them :)"

"you can give me a special role if you want xiao" now, xiao doesn't want people thinking he's a simp but at the same time.. he wants you to feel special as you made him feel this way.

xiao gives you a role called "y/n <3" WITH THE HEART. not just "y/n", "y/n" with a heart.

he also gives you all the perms, so technically you're kind of the owner??

just like diluc, dedicates a whole category about you, and for you.

often checks what's posted in there, makes sure that there aren't any nsfw posts about you - and if he's checking the edits well.. he's going to be saving all the ones he likes and goes onto his tiktok and followers the tiktoker who made that edit.

also he sets an event where the best edit of y/n that he has been sent will be the winner and get nitro ^^

"why not an edit of u??" "no."

he just wants to see you.. in an edit. not him, he has seen multiple edits of him but he'd rather see you <3

did i talk about how xiao literally talks to you every single day? no? okay well.. every single day xiao sends you a good morning and good night text and he makes sure to put EFFORT when texting you.

no small or dry texts, he makes sure that you dont think he's being dry and all..

you know those little xiao keychains and plushies? yeah xiao gives you them.. when you get them you almost immediately put the keychains on your bag and put the little xiao plushie on your bed

you take a picture of the plushie and send it to xiao, xiao's heart nearly burst just looking at the photo.

xiao has seen many videos of online friends/besties meeting up irl at the airport and blah blah blah - but xiao can't help it but continuously watch those videos, pretending that it was actually you and him meeting up irl.

you and xiao have actually talked about this, and you both agreed that you would fly over to his place and hang out there.

but that would only happen once covid restrictions lower.

lemme just tell you something, online or not - xiao will always smile like a mad man whenever he reads your text, why? no idea.

just you talking or even interacting with xiao makes him feel so happy.. you make him feel some type of way and xiao wants to cling onto that feeling.

also if you told your parents and friends about xiao he would be the happiest man alive.

xiao brags about you to his friends <3 they get so tried of it honestly

"yea like y/n is the best. they’re so kind and i just cant, no words can explain how much i love them." "i get it xiao. you've been talking about them for hours now.."

in all honesty, if xiao could, he would be kicking his feet in the air, his hands clutching his phone as he covers his mouth with the phone, rolling side to side while squealing.

(i mean like.. he would tho)

he would also be giggling whenever you send him a "good morning" or "have a great day <3" text, yk those men who like chuckle but it also sounds like a giggle? like not a high pitch giggle but like a kind of.. soft yet heavy giggle?? yea.

streamer! dainsleif x online friend! reader

HOW ON EARTH DID YOU CATCH HIS EYE(ATTENTION)?????!?!?

give me your ways please.

but enough of me begging, lets get into the good stuff >:)

you and dainsleif met a LOONG time ago, online of course. you two first started to interact with each other when the owner of the server(in which dain and you were in) was recording a youtube video and the title was “matching people to become lovers” and im guessing you know what happens.. no? OH WELL- ahem. i mean, oh well basically..

you were just minding your business when all of the sudden you were put into a discord call called “lovers <3″ with another person- their user was, yup! you guessed it! “dain”

by some miracle that name wasn’t taken so it was pretty rare

“ooo and who do we have here? y/n and dain? seems like a pretty good pair!!”

after being put in the vc you immediately wanted to leave the call until you heard a “how are you.”, it wasn’t a “how are you?” it didn’t even sound like a question.

you didn’t want to leave this man hanging so you responded “im.. uh alright, you?” “mhm, good.”

now this voice wasn’t one that you didn’t recognize. before you’ve been in many vc’s and you’ve heard this man called “dain”s voice before - many women in call would swarm and fawn over him

of course you were one of them, except you were extremely weird with it and you weren’t like “OH MY GOSSSHH IT’S DAIN!!! AHHH” you were the “he has a nice voice. cool.”

but what was weird was that HE actually started the conversation first, dain never talked first, only talking first if he was being asked a question.

after that you and dain started to talk more and more

“sooo, do you know why we were being put in this vc?” “not a clue, but anyways”

after that conversation dain sent you a friend request and of course you accept!! who wouldn’t? and surprisingly, dain only had a few friends(5.)

dain would always decline other friend requests as he had no clue who they were but the fact HE friend YOU first?? mad luck.

day by day you and dain grew closer to each other, you and dain actually had many things in common, how you both liked the same game, how you both liked the same food - it was like a “match made in heaven”

sometimes you and dain would play 1v1 games, just to play together y’know? but the thing is, dain is way too easy on you. why is that?? like get ur big balls on

BUT ANYWAYYYYS, sometimes dain teases you and honestly, that gets you flustered cause.. dain is never known to tease and yet here he is, teasing the hell out of you

“dain!! you’re being way too slow!” “i know.” “?? wha-” *gets shot* “who’s slow now?” “.”

now months later, dain is absolutely IN LOVE with you, you were so kind and considerate. you was always there to give him encouraging words when he needed them the most and you always went out of your way to cheer him up - and those are only a few reasons why dain adores you so much.

and dain finally accepted that he’s an absolute simp for you.

after a few months you and dain were close and comfortable enough to show each other faces to each other and that’s how you find yourself complimenting the shit out of dain :)

like once dain sent his pic you were in?? shock??

*sends pic of him* “you’re not real.” “yes i am, do you think im lying?” “NO IT’S NOT THAT YOU’RE JUST SO... PRETTY?? LIKE HELLOOOOO??? give me your good looks pls..?”

i don’t think i mentioned how dain was in complete shock when you sent your pic first?? because good lord, he was red. extremely red. like yea he loves likes you but the fact that you’re absolutely gorgeous?!

drop deap gorgeous.

yes, dain had a nosebleed upon seeing your picture(selfies??).

i could 100% see dain buying and sending you plushies of him.

“dain, why did you send me a plushie of you??” “because, free merch.”

free merch?? was he some youtube or something??

once you questioned him about it dain finally revealed the truth: he was a streamer

at first you didn’t know what to say but there was one thing you needed to do: find him on twitch.

you hop onto your pc while dain keeps on sending you messages like “.. hello? y/n?” “y/n.. are you..”

*searches “dainsleif” in twitch* * finds dain’s twitch* “!!!” “1 MILL+ SUBS??”

“DAIN. WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME EARLIER?? i could’ve seen your pretty face the whole time ;(” *dain blushing profusely*

yes, and now you watch dains twitch there and then(everyday) and you always donate to dain sending him cute messages like “how are you dain?? - y/n” or “Y/N’S HERE!!”

dain always softly laughs at your messages, he finds you so adorable

now, because of covid, there was a really low chance that you and dain would be able to actually meet up.

you and dain have been thinking about this for a few weeks now, you two have been extremely close and you two were practically best friends now..

so why not meet up??

you and dain discuss about this and decided that dain would come over to your place for about a month or so once borders open up and have fun together - you two would also be vlogging and going to many places together <3

dain is SO excited to meet up with you, he has dreamt of this moment since forever.

he wants to take you everywhere, spoil the absolute shit out of you and kiss you

dain would be so shy if you two met up irl, although he has been dreaming about meeting up with you - he can’t help but feel nervous. even though you both aren’t meeting up right now it seems like it.

you and him talking about meeting up just makes him nervous(in a good way!)

+ dain would buy you cute chibi keychains of himself, he might even make one for you!! a chibi keychain of you and him holding hands <3

streamer! albedo x online friend! reader

him? having a crush on you? you must be dreaming.

there’s no way that the one and only albedo, the famous and handsome streamer had a crush on you.

how is that even possible? albedo never showed any emotion towards anyone, only smiling and laughing sometimes. but never have albedo looked at someone with genuine love and care.

and that makes you feel some what special. but what can you say? you feel the same way towards him anyways <3

so, how did you two meet? well.. once upon a time albedo was just streaming when he accidentally(how??) joined the wrong server and you were the owner and welcomed him

you were so kind and albedo felt bad if he left so he just stayed and replied with “thank you” and the rest they say, is history.

im just kidding, let me just throw in bits and pieces of the most important details

about albedo, albedo was one of those “among us” streamers during quarantine

and that’s when his popularity started the bloom

most of his viewers were just there because of his content OR his looks, he looked like he was an goddess, his face looked like as if it was carved by angels themselves, his hair looked soft and silky and his calm demeanor and soft/calming voice made girls fawn over him.

because of his calm demeanor, people have always thought of him as an unproblematic(WHICH HE IS!!) streamer and a shy man but nope, albedo IS unproblematic but he isn’t quite.. shy

but after meeting you - things changed, you changed his life and.. him over all.

you and albedo talked after you welcomed him - then things started to escalate(not really), you and albedo had a lot of things in common and that ended up with albedo friending you and honestly, he didn’t mind friending you. you were fun to talk to and he meant it

and since then you two have been talking non stop <3

within a few weeks albedo’s fans started to notice odd changed with his behaviour

albedo always paused his game or said “sorry guys, i need to do something” and got on his phone, typing something and then.. smiling?? who’s this? this is NOT albedo.

albedo would also seem more happier? he seemed like he was in a better mood every single day and not that anyone’s complaining.. it’s just, odd.

moving on!!

you would always send albedo cute cat videos and very concerning tiktoks but did albedo care? no, as a matter of fact albedo goes onto elaborating the tiktok you just watched which sometimes is a bit unnecessary but also funny.

“ALBEDOOOOO” “Y/NNNNNNNN” :GUESS WHAT ‘BEDO??” “WHAT IS ITTT???” *sends a tiktok of milk* *sudden change in text* “hm, this is rather interesting. i’ll look into it more, thank you y/n.” “?? ALBEDO WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT’S JUST MILK..” “there’s a deeper meaning.” “...”

not to mention albedo is NEVER dry to you, never ever.

but to others? yes.

does he have a crush on you? yes

but do you know that? absolutely not??

OH OH AND ALBEDO HAS TIKTOK!! YES!! I KNOW RIGHT!!??

you two have tiktok of course, and you and albedo sometimes duet each other LOL

it would be absolutely random but the comments would always match your energy and honestly, you loved it.

sometimes you would hop onto tiktok trends and dance to whatever

albedo would OF COURSE like it and favourite it

(also are we not going to add that he’s literally so supportive of you when you do those “tiktok viral dances”??)

(*posts a tiktok of you dancing to a viral song not even putting in effort* albedo: YOUR MOOOVVVESSSSS!! <3″ “>:) ikr”)

and seeing you on tiktok makes albedo want to meet you in real like and honestly, albedo already thought about this but did he tell you? no

he’d rather surpirse but then again.. would that invade your privacy??

would that make you hate him?

that’s when albedo decided to ask you and what you said surprised albedo

“hey y/n, i just want to ask, would you like to meet up one day? like irl?” “i’ve been waiting for you to say this, YES” “it sounds like you’re saying “YES” like i proposed to you..” “oh?”

and now you and albedo are waiting for the covid restrictions to lower so you two can finally meet up irl <3

just the thought of you two meeting up excited the hell out of him

albedo is growing more and more impatient as time goes by

but enough of that. what would albedo ship to you?

well, he would ship you his merch, his very own plushies(high quality), keychains, and his very own stickers <3 AND SO MUCH MORE TOO!!

would package them neatly and makes sure nothing breaks during transportation.

also puts in some snacks for you <3

and adds his own personal card/letter to you!!

soooo.. how do people know that albedo likes you? easy!

it’s the change in behaviour whenever he’s “around” you

albedo could have a nonchalant manner on but as SOON as he hears a “ding” he immediately grabs his phone and once he sees something(your text) his face lights up and a faint smile forms

it’s so obvious, that this guy does not care about anything except you.

streamer! scaramouche x online friend! reader

what’s it like constantly being bugged by the annoying scaramouchey?

good? bad? alright?

honestly, it isn’t thatttt bad to be bugged by scara BUT sometimes he says the weirdest stuff ever and it concerns you.

but moving on :)

what do i even start on..

right! how did you and scara meet? well it all happened way before scara hit 1 mill subs

you and scara had been online friends since forever, you two met on a gaming server and since then you two have been getting closer and closer every day <3

scara was always mean to you, not that you care anyways - you and scara would go back and fourth throwing insults at each other before one of you give up(which was never scara)

but after a few months(years..) scara finally opened up to you and started to be a LITTLE bit nicer to you.

then scara decided to become a streamer as he has seen articles that said that becoming a streamer makes you thousands and even millions of dollars

scara informed you about his doing and you encouraged him :) you said that you were going to be there by his side during every step of his journey - and what you said to him seemed to have an effect on his brain.

scara seemed to appreciate you more day by day and you loved that about him, he wasn’t as mean as before but he was a bit better.

throughout his streams he grew more and more

and of course you helped him!! by supporting and promoting/hyping him back!!

you would post things like “GO SUB TO SCARAMOUCHEY!! >:)” and “hey y’all.. it would rlly help me and my scaramouchey if u could sub to him!! my son would be so so proud ;(”

and of course scara would be so embarrassed every time you posted something like that.. who wouldn’t?

once scara hit around 300k subs he started to gain popularity on tiktok WHICH boosted hi dono’s and subs

but there’s one thing that scara always did at the end of the stream, start of the stream and is always in his bio - he always makes sure that your @ / name is there. he wants everyone to know that it was YOU who supported him through out the years

but even though scara is embarrassed that he’s doing something so “lovey-dovey” he still allows it to be there. and you’re always reminding him of that and teasing him but at the end he still doesn’t remove your @ / name

why? well.. he just doesn’t want your name out of his sight.. hhhhh

time skip

scara has now more than 1 mill subs and your name is still on his bio!!

what a faithful man, y/n get the hint!!! >:(

you and scara have NEVER met before and that really saddens you(and perhaps scaramouche too..)

yes you could’ve met each other a long long time ago BUT you two were young and your parent(s?) were extremely strict and wouldn’t allow you both to meet up.

but now that you’re both grown up.. that means you can meet up with each other!!

scara already booked the tickets for.. the next month..

scara will never admit this but: he really wants to meet up with you, like really bad.

he wants to feel your touch

he’s too much of a tsundere to even admit that..

he’s always mean towards you that you doubt your relationship

“why are you always so mean to me :(” “im not even mean to you.” “yes you are, you hurt my feelings” *scara: panicking that he hurt your feelings* “ok fine, im sorry.” “are you really..?” “yes. now shut up” “ouch.. that hurt my feelings..” “...” scara really wants to punch you but in the middle of the punch he puts his fists away and kisses you instead.

AHEM. but i wont go into too much detail about the plan for the meet up..

moving on

one of the things that scara doesn’t do but everyone does(^^) is that he does not send you stuff, like at all.

the ONLY thing he’ll ever send you is his merch. that’s all. nothing else.

he says that you’re “not worthy” for “other things” and that makes you sad, but what can you do? he’s scara

scaramouche will be scaramouche..

(but secretly he does want to send you stuff but is too scared that you’ll think he’s weird)

but you being scara’s crush.. it’s kind of complicated.

though scara is mean to you and all he still has his own way of caring for you

maybe he’ll show you his way of loving when you both meet in real life..

note: if you would like to be added to the genshin taglist pls just ask me!! dont be shy <3

taglist: @tomansimp @one-offmind @miitchiji @dainsleif-when-playable liking + following + reblogs are very much appreciated!! another note: sagau x reader fic and event coming very soon!! please give me some ideas for my event, i dont mind any :) tell me if you would like to be in sagau x reader taglist(to be early lmfao) <3 also scara’s and albedo’s part is rushed so im sorry if i doesn’t make any senssseeee

#genshin impact x reader #diluc x reader #zhongli x reader #xiao x reader #albedo x reader #scaramouche x reader #streamer!au #dainsleif x reader

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vilz · 3 months

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hello obviously there isn't anything i can really do to control this (unfortunately i deleted a bunch of posts BEFORE turning off reblogs on them) but i would prefer that people did not circulate my posts from this blog any more... i appreciate that people are kind to me about my art, but that is just my request i suppose. this blog is unprivated now, and if you'd like to see what is still up you can look at them here. my ask box is also open but i will not be making any art posts here from now on. here is a little preemptive faq:

why did you leave?

i didn't feel comfortable or happy posting on this blog any more!

do you still make art? do you post it somewhere else?

yes. but i've been pulling away from posting very much online, and the things i'm interested in drawing nowadays are generally more private, so i won't be directing anyone there or anything. i don't consider my new blog to be a continuation of this one.

i know your new blog!

that isn't really that surprising since i didn't honestly put great effort into concealing it or anything. we are probably not friends, so i hold no sway over you, but i would still prefer you did not share it or treat me as if i am still "vilz who posts fnaf art". i'm just a whatever blogger who blogs about whatever things. also to be frank i do not think my new blog has anything that interesting for people who followed for the kind of art i used to post here. this is not an invitation to say "it is interesting!".

we are friends!

if we have not been in direct, mutual conversations i highly doubt that. i'm sorry if that hurts anyone's feelings.

why did you delete all your self ship art?

people seem to enjoy my self ship art a lot, which is very flattering, but i don't want people to be looking at them any more. i realize that they are still rebloggable and are still circulating around, which is nobody's fault but my own, but i would prefer they were not shared any more. i can't really do anything about it and i also don't blame anyone for reblogging those posts since it's obviously not something they would know, but yeah.

i saw your art on pinterest!

i did not and do not consent to my works being put on pinterest. the art from "vilz" has not been uploaded by me to any other website besides tumblr. if someone is posting my art from here on a different platform, they are doing so without permission.

i saw you on magma!

i still join magma boards sometimes lol. it's a fun site.

what about your ocs?

they are still my ocs. sometimes i still draw them. currently, i do not have any plans of posting my oc art online ever again. i would prefer that people did not reblog the oc art i have posted to this blog.

what about your fics?

all of my fics are still up on ao3 anonymously. they are: small mercies obscura floriography baying of lambs scrape bitch, bastard, bullshit almost human a dream, recurring countdown i'm very flattered and happy that people have left kind comments on these. thank you very much for reading the words of an amateur and for sharing an experience with me.

are you going to finish your uncompleted fics?

i would really like to say yes, because i care a great deal about aspects of them, but it's looking pretty unlikely. i lost all my files (and my calmlywriter key !!! always save your emails and receipts, everyone!!!) and also it's hard to feel motivated about them now. i guess i will leave this up in the air just to soothe my own feelings but in reality the answer is Probably Not.

are you going to post new fics?

i might, because i've been in a writing mood lately, but please don't expect anything. if i do, they will be anonymous on ao3. i will not post about them here or on any other blog.

i really liked your posts and blog!

thank you. i'm glad that people could feel that way about the things i made and thought about stuff i care about. irregardless, i would prefer that people did not share my old posts from this blog.

i will do it anyway.

i cannot stop you, so there isn't really any point in pleading. i just thought i'd make a little info post for people who are inquiring. after this, there won't be any "posts" from me. if there are relevant questions or messages i might reply to them or just update this post.

thank you for reading and for enjoying my blog. goodbye !!!

#this has been a missive from ur friend valentine #sincere regards #vilz

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kaeyaphile · 1 year

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“this broken soul” — scaramouche × f!reader

word count: 4,659 — rating: E (explicit content)

summary: you’ve been avoiding him, and he needs to know why.

author’s note: if you’d told me a month or so ago that i’d write an almost 5,000 word smutfic featuring scaramouche, i would’ve laughed in your face... but here we are! i dedicate this fic to one of my most beloved and beautiful besties, @gixxie, because she’s absolutely amazing and is the #1 scaramouche simp!!! i really hope that i did him justice, and i hope y’all enjoy – this is only my second ever smutfic that i’ve written and/or posted online! EDIT 12/15/2022: i wrote this before the most recent archon quest (archon quest interlude chapter: act iii – inversion of genesis) and before he was (finally) released as a playable character, so... his characterization may be questionable!

warnings ﹠ tags: smut, porn with plot, degradation, dirty talk, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, scaramouche being scaramouche, scaramouche is his own warning honestly, vulnerable!scaramouche, emotional!reader, reader is very subtly implied to be plus-sized, reader has afab!genitalia ⋄ (read it on ao3)

The smell of incense and the crackling of the fire in the large marble fireplace greet you as you step inside the mansion in the adepti teapot realm you call home, shutting the doors as quietly as possible behind you and releasing a soft sigh of relief when there is no noise to imply you’ve been heard.

Slowly, you make your way across the main area of the house to the room that was designated as the library and office, slipping inside silently and quickly sliding the doors shut behind you.

Inhaling deeply, you march over to the desk to begin sorting through the large pile of letters that had accumulated during your absence.

You’ve been traveling with Paimon, helping the Aranara in Sumeru and avoiding… well, avoiding multiple things. Searching for your brother, your various promises and responsibilities, and most importantly a certain short-tempered Anemo wielder.

Coming out of the haze of your thoughts, you notice the messy stack of books that had undoubtedly been made by some of your numerous guests and you huff as you grab them and go to put them away.

It wasn’t that Scaramouche had done anything wrong per se, it was more the issue of you being so naturally affectionate and showing it via physical touch and honest words… and worrying that it was becoming too much for him, or too annoying. Or both.

It hasn’t been that long since he’s joined your group of friends… only about two months, though could you honestly say that the two of you were friends?

He was so hot and cold, at times he was standoffish and rude, snapping at everyone and everything and it was during those times that you swore he hated you… but then the next time you’d come across him or have him join you while adventuring, he’d look at you with an unreadable expression and allow you to touch him without bristling, especially when you two were alone, and the back and forth of it confused you.

You’ve been oddly drawn to him ever since you had first met him in Inazuma, his voice sticking in your head and repeating his taunting words and the vision of him sauntering towards you with that insufferable smirk wouldn’t leave your mind…

In truth, your feelings have only gotten stronger as time had passed, especially after he’d reluctantly joined your adventuring team and you’d inevitably gotten to know him better.

If you are being honest, the sexual tension between you two could likely be cut with a knife and served on a platter… in addition to there being purer, deeper romantic feelings present.

It’s far too early to call it “love”, but it is certainly well on its way to becoming that dreaded word… on your end, at least.

You can feel your face heat up in response to the direction your thoughts have gone and as you shove the last book onto the bookshelf you lean forward and bonk your forehead against the hardwood in an effort to clear your mind.

In your distraction you haven’t noticed that the subject of your thoughts has snuck into the room and is moving towards you with purpose.

A pale hand suddenly slams down to grasp onto the shelf right behind you, the other hand gripping your waist and spinning you to face the intruder.

Purple eyes meet yours, anger making them almost burn from their intensity as he leans in so his face is mere inches away from yours.

Gasping, you shrank back against the bookshelf. “Scaramouche? What–?”

“You’ve been avoiding me. Why?” He bites out, eyes narrowing slightly and the fingers at your waist twitching in what you assumed to be frustration.

Blinking at him while you try to gather your thoughts, you can’t help but notice that he isn’t wearing his usual amount of layers – just the tight black high-collared shirt and his shorts and sandals rather than his familiar complex ensemble – and your face heats at the realization that so much of his skin was now visible to you.

Swallowing to try and moisten your suddenly dry mouth, you’re sure that your face openly shows how flustered you are.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’ve been busy but I haven’t been–”

“Cut the bullshit. Do you think I’m an idiot? It’s not like you’ve been subtle about it, and it’s pissing me off,” he scoffs, rolling his eyes as he moves the hand that has been pinning you to the bookshelf to grasp the back of your neck, his thumb brushing against the sensitive skin of your nape.

Eyes widening at his actions and words, you clear your throat and square your shoulders.

“I’m sorry that you feel that way, Scaramouche, but–”

“Why are you calling me that?” He snaps, scowling at you with narrowed eyes.

“Calling you what? Your name?” You reply, eyes darting away from his prying gaze.

It was true that you haven’t necessarily been subtle, but you had assumed that he wouldn’t take much notice of the lack of attention and affection that he seemed to find barely tolerable – this vehement reaction was very unexpected and it was leaving you reeling.

He lets out an angry sigh before his fingers grasp your chin and force you to meet his eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He demands, eyes flickering over your face as his lips turn down into a slight pout.

Glancing down at his mouth, you unconsciously wet your lips and his gaze immediately hones in on it.

Gasping softly, your mouth gapes a bit in surprise as you observe how his burning purple eyes darken as he focuses on your mouth, leaning ever so slightly closer and tilting his head as if entranced.

“Scaram–mmph!”

Lips pressing to yours cut you off, a low groan escaping him when you immediately reciprocate.

Eyes fluttering shut as you breathe him in, you bring your hands up to scratch your fingers through the coarse hair of his undercut.

Scaramouche growls then, shoving you up against the bookshelf as he presses as much of his body as he can to your own, the hand on your waist now groping at your soft skin.

Whimpering, your eyes shoot open and you tear your mouth from his to gasp for air as he starts roughly kissing down your jaw.

“Don’t lie, you were avoiding me. Because of this?” He whispers, lips and warm breath brushing the shell of your ear.

Exhaling with a whine, you nod before his lips press to your own again for a brief moment before he pulls away, nipping at your bottom lip.

He smirks at your dumb expression, tugging you over to the table in the middle of the room and reminding you that he was much stronger than he looked by easily lifting you up to sit on the edge, pushing the letters off and out of the way.

Gasping indignantly, you open your mouth to reprimand him but he takes the opportunity to kiss you again, sliding his tongue in your mouth with a muffled groan.

You can’t help but to close your eyes as your tongue glides against his, feeling that insufferable smirk of his against your lips.

Sliding his hands down to your thighs, he roughly pulls them apart so he can step between them and press his body to yours once again.

He chuckles at your resulting moan, slowly pulling back and licking his lips as if savoring the taste of you.

Your eyes flutter open as you unconsciously follow after him to chase his lips, his smirk growing at your resulting frustrated pout.

“You wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid,” he teases, chuckling at your resulting scowl – but you didn’t deny it.

Before you could formulate a response, he grasps your hips and slides them towards him, making you yelp and slam your hands down on the table behind you to keep from collapsing.

Keeping his dark eyes locked with yours, he leans over you and slides his fingers under the waistband of your pants, tilting his head and tugging ever so slightly in question.

Biting your lip, you lift your hips in response, wiggling a little in impatience.

Inclining his head towards you, he pulls your pants off roughly and your arms give out as you collapse back down on the edge of the table, panting.

His hands tug at the hem of your shirt next as he bends over you, lips pressing bruising kisses to your neck as he slowly lifts it, fingertips tickling along the soft skin of your stomach.

Gasping, you reach between you and nudge his hands aside, practically tearing your shirt up and over your head to get rid of the offending garment.

“Eager, aren’t we?” He murmurs, chuckling lowly as he goes back to mouthing at your neck.

You whine and grab at his back as he bites down on your collarbone, his muscles flexing in response to the feeling of your fingernails digging into his skin as you jolt and cry out.

Groaning, he tears himself away from you to do a slow perusal of the skin that’s been bared to him.

You feel like you’re going to implode, the way his eyes manage to get even darker and his expression more severe in its blatant lust, and you jerk your hips up uncontrollably in response.

His eyes immediately flick down to where you’re soaked and burning for him and his throat bobs with a swallow before he looms over you, skimming his hand slowly down the curve of your waist before sliding a finger against the wetness of the fabric concealing you from him.

“Look at you, look at how wet you are – is this all for me?” He questions, voice gone rough from arousal.

Nodding and biting your lip, you can’t help but to grind up into his fingers.

“So needy,” he grunts, crouching down to nip at your inner thigh.

“Scara, I–!”

“Oh, we’re back to Scara now, hm?” He laughs harshly, making quick work of tugging your panties down and off your legs as he shakes his head at you.

“Scara, I’m sorry–!”

“You should be,” he interrupts you again, glaring up at you from between your legs.

You’re a desperate whimpering mess at this point, and you don’t manage to form a response before he runs his fingers up your inner thighs and jerks them open as much as your body will allow.

“Now be a good girl and say “please” and maybe I’ll give you what you want,“ he growls, brushing the tip a finger through your wetness.

“Please, Scara, I need you!” You whine, embarrassed at how needy you sound but also so turned on that you can’t bring yourself to care.

Smirking, he finally takes mercy on you and slowly slides a finger into you, eyes widening at the feel of your slick warmth.

You keen and writhe against the table when he slowly adds another finger and crooks them, expertly massaging a spot on your inner walls that makes you see stars and causes more heat to pool between your thighs.

“Look at you, getting all worked up over nothing! Your pretty pussy can barely handle my fingers – what a pathetic little thing you are,” he laughs mockingly, thrusting his fingers into you roughly.

Panting, you bite your lip and glance down to meet his eyes, silently begging him for more as your thighs tremble and your back arches.

Breath hitching at your desperation, he suddenly shoves his head between your thighs and licks a broad stroke through your folds, swirling his tongue around your clit before lightly grazing his teeth against it.

You wail, your walls contracting around his fingers as you feel like you’ve been hit by lightning as the tension snaps, little whines escaping you as your hips shudder and grind against his face.

Chuckling, he laps up your release as you ride out your high before getting up and looming over you, smirking at your fucked out expression.

“We’ve barely gotten started and already you’re being such a good little slut for me,” he murmurs, licking his lips suggestively when your eyes flutter open to blearily look at him.

You want to pinch yourself because you swear this has to be a dream, it is all happening so quickly and you’ve just had one of the best orgasms of your entire life but are somehow still so unbelievably horny for him.

His face is flushed and he still has some of your juices on his chin, but his eyes burn with the depth of his want for you as your gazes meet and he smirks, smug about having made you cum.

Glancing down and seeing the tented fabric of his shorts, you lift your still shaking legs to wrap around his waist and pull him into you, rolling your hips against his clothed cock and watching his face intently.

His eyes flutter closed and he lets out a strangled moan, back bowing and lips hovering over your own as he clutches at your hips and ruts into the warmth between your legs.

“Scara, I’m all yours – take me,” you whisper, reaching up to cup his cheeks and pull his head down to kiss him.

Jolting his head back just as your lips brush his, his eyes shoot open and he pants while looking at you incredulously.

You furrow your brows at his sudden change in attitude, your thumbs lightly brushing his cheekbones and you bite your lip, suddenly afraid that you’ve said the wrong thing.

After a moment of his eyes frantically scanning your expression – looking for what exactly, you weren’t sure – his hands slam down on either side of your head.

“Always so honest about your emotions,” he hisses, eyes becoming unreadable as he nips at your lips yet refuses to let you close the gap. “It’s really fucking infuriating, you know that?”

Huffing in exasperation to hide how his seemingly indignant response hurts your feelings, you glare up at him.

“Fine, then – can you just fuck me already, Kunikuzushi?”

He pulls back, smoldering eyes glaring into your own as he releases a shattered breath in response to you calling him that name.

“Oh, now you’re making demands of me?” He rasps, regaining his composure with a harsh thrust against your cunt.

Suddenly hit with a wave of irritation and frustration, you push your hands against his chest in an attempt to get him off of you.

“If you don’t want to, then nevermind,” you mutter, turning your head away to hide the “if you don’t want me” implied from your tone and expression.

Lunging to press your wrists down into the table above your head with one hand, he turns your head back towards him with the other, a deep scowl on his face.

“Why are you putting words into my mouth? What gives you the right to assume what I do or don’t want?”

You glare at him, trying to jerk your face out of his harsh grip which only makes his fingers dig into your jaw harder as he crowds you against the table with his body.

“Stop being such a fucking brat,” he growls as he presses quick, bruising kisses against your lips.

“Make me!” You snarl back at him, body writhing under his own.

He chuckles lowly before it morphs into him laughing loudly and mockingly as he observes your struggles.

“Gladly.”

Letting go of your face to swiftly pull down his shorts just enough to free his erection, he groans as he slides it between your folds.

“Fuck… this is my pussy, it belongs to me and only me, doesn’t it?”

Whimpering and nodding in response, your hands struggle to escape his grasp as you grind your hips against the tip of his cock, trying miserably to get it to catch in your soaking wet opening.

He shudders against you, grabbing your hip with his free hand to hold you still.

“No, no,” he chides, his signature smirk back on his lips. “Only good girls get rewarded, and you’ve been such a brat.”

“Scara, fuck, just take me!” You keen, so overwhelmed with frustration and pleasure that there are tears gathering in your eyes.

Scaramouche laughs, one that borders on a cackle, before he presses his lips against your temple.

“Are you crying? You want me that bad, huh? You’re so fucking pathetic, you did this to yourself you know,” he whispers roughly, tongue flicking out to run along the shell of your ear. “But don’t worry, I’ll take pity on you.”

He suddenly thrusts into you, bottoming out and leaving you a moaning and babbling mess as he holds himself still to allow you to adjust to his size.

“Oh Archons, please–!”

“Don’t pray to them, they can’t help you, pray to me,” he snarls, pulling out of you just enough for you to whine at the loss before roughly thrusting back inside and making your eyes roll to the back of your head.

“Scara, Kuni, please – fuck – more, faster!”

He grants your request with a strangled moan, hips slamming into your own at such a desperate and brutal pace that you know there’s going to be bruises.

Leaning down so your foreheads are pressed together, you stare into each other’s eyes and pant as the sound of his hips slapping against yours fills the air.

The hand that has been keeping your wrists bound lets go, fingers instead curling into the sheets as he continues his merciless thrusts – eyes observing your every reaction hungrily.

“Kuni, feels s’good!” You sob, your now free arms reaching up to wrap around his neck and your legs tightening around his hips.

“F-fuck!” He whimpers, cock twitching against your walls and hips stuttering against you.

Your body feels like it’s melting, fingers carding through his hair to shakily push it out of his face so you can view the way his brow furrows as he grits his teeth.

“Say it,” he commands shakily, jerking your face up so he can stare into your eyes. “Say that you’re mine. My slut, my whore, my everything.”

“Anything and everything that I am is yours, Kunikuzushi,” you choke out with a sob, following up your declaration by tilting your hips and pressing your lips to his, gliding your tongue in and tasting him as he groans at the feeling of your walls fluttering around his cock.

His thrusts grow even more frantic and deep and you roll your hips up to meet his movements, your sweaty bodies writhing together as you fully succumb to each other.

“I’m gonna paint your insides,” he gasps into your mouth, sliding a hand down to rub your swollen clit. “I’m gonna fill you up–!”

Those words and the added stimulation flood your body with overwhelming heat and you wail as you are thrown over the edge, gushing around his cock as he delivers one last powerful thrust before spilling into you with a choked moan.

His trembling body slumps over yours and he buries his head in your shoulder, gasping for air as your bodies continue to twitch with the aftershocks.

After a few moments pass, Scaramouche slowly peels himself away from you, his eyes darting away from your unintentionally open, loving gaze as he slowly slides out of you with a quiet grunt.

Sighing at the loss of him, you inelegantly scoot forward to hop off the table, squeezing your legs together to keep his cum from trickling down your legs.

He snatches the clothes from where they are strewn on the floor and puts his shorts back on before turning to you and holding out your panties and trousers with a blank expression.

Your face feels hot from embarrassment at how drastically his attitude has changed from just a few moments ago and you reach out to grab your clothing, eyes searching him for a sign of… anything, but finding him to be totally unreadable.

Mortified, you turn to the side and shake out your pants, the realization of what had just happened finally hitting you. You haven’t even fully undressed, too engrossed and desperate for each other that you just… went at it like animals in heat.

You don’t notice when he turns and goes to the desk in the corner to grab the box of tissues and bring it to you, clearing his throat as his eyes drift to where your combined fluids were beginning to slowly trickle down your inner thighs.

Flinching at being torn from your downward spiral of second-guessing everything that has happened within the past hour, you look up and slowly reach out to take the box from him, being careful to not brush your fingers together – you aren’t sure where his mind is at and you don’t want to scare him off by being clingy.

“Thank you,” you breathe, pulling his gaze back up to your face and flashing him a quick smile before you turn away to clean yourself up as much as you can.

He turns and walks over to stand in front of the window to give you privacy, which you find very amusing considering what you had just been doing, but you can’t help but watch him out of the corner of your eye as he crosses his arms and seemingly becomes lost in though, his hair mussed and his lips still flushed from the plethora of bruising kisses.

Finding him attractive obviously wasn’t a new development, but it suddenly hits you with the beam of sunlight shining in through the window that was illuminating him just how… beautiful he is.

Shaking your head to clear your thoughts and hurrying to pull your clothes back on, you take a deep breath and summon all the courage you possess.

He turns to look at you as you come to stand next to him, and you were hit once again by how pretty he is; the slope of his nose, his eyelashes, his–

“What are you looking at?” His voice, still a little rough from your activities, snaps you out of your admiration and you blink at him.

He’s staring at you with his brow raised, lips ever so slightly turned down.

“So pretty,” you whisper, eyes widening in panic when you realize that you’ve spoken your inner thoughts aloud.

Scaramouche blinks at you in disbelief, processing your words before letting out a short, humorless laugh.

“I can’t believe it, I actually fucked you dumb!” He snickers, but the smirk on his lips doesn’t reach his eyes.

You gape at him, mouth opening and closing as you try to figure out how to respond to his dismissive attitude.

He grasps your chin in his hand, making the decision of closing your mouth for you, and rolls his eyes.

Grabbing the hand holding your chin, you place soft kisses on his palm, staring into his eyes and pleading for him to understand how truthful you’re being.

Scowling, he wrenches his hand away from you, taking a step back and shaking his head.

“Scara, we need to talk ab–”

“Do we? I disagree,” he snaps, turning and stalking towards the door.

“Kunikuzushi,” you whisper in desperation, and he freezes in place as he’s reaching for the door handle.

“This whole situation started because I was avoiding you, and it made you angry and upset. And yet you’re about to go and do the exact same thing to me. How is that fair?” You demand, voice shaking from all of the emotions you’re trying to keep in check.

He slowly turns to face you, eyes narrowing.

“Life isn’t fair – what do you want from me?”

It’s like you’re talking to a different person, the man in front of you is not the man that railed you into oblivion and ruined you for all others just a minute ago. This man reminds you of a feral cat – suspicious, mistrustful, insecure…

Your hands are shaking, the anxiety over bearing your heart to him causing you to hesitate briefly.

“What do you want from me?” You snap back. “Is this what you wanted? Just a quick fuck? Is that really all I am to you? Some poor, pathetic sap who’s attention and affection makes you feel good about yourself?”

Scaramouche stood there staring at you, unmoving and unblinking, for what felt like ages.

“Okay, you know what – nevermind! You’re free to go, but honestly at this point I almost hope that you just never come back,” you scoff, eyes watering, throwing your hands up in the air and turning away so he can’t see you cry and so you don’t have to look at his stupid perfect face anymore.

All you hear is a faint whisper of fabric before he spins you around and cups your face in his hands, his mouth pressing a desperate, bruising kiss to your lips.

Gasping, you put your hands on his chest and shove him back, your embarrassment making you feel fragile and hostile.

“That isn’t an answer, Scara, and I’m not a mind reader so I can’t–”

“Everything,” he rasps, closing his eyes and nudging his forehead against yours.

“... what?” You furrow your brow, confused.

“You asked what I wanted from you. I answered. Everything. I want everything from you. I want you to be mine,” he whispers, warm breath brushing your lips when he follows up his statement with a shaking sigh.

Your bottom lip trembles as you try to keep your voice from cracking with emotion.

“If I am yours, then you have to be mine. I want everything from you, too. I want to kiss you, touch you, hold you, love you.”

He inhales shakily, opening his eyes.

“If you can’t tell that I’m already yours, that I’ve been yours since you aimed that fucking smile of yours towards me, then you’re an absolute fucking idiot.”

“It’s kind of hard to tell when you’re always so wishy-washy on whether you tolerate me or not, Scaramouche,” you respond, blinking at him innocently, his sudden reveal of his feelings giving you courage.

“What did I say about calling me that?” He growls, stepping closer to press himself against you.

“Oh, I’m sorry, sir – is Kunikuzushi acceptable then?” You simper, mimicking his usual smirk to the best of your ability.

His eyes widen and his cheeks and ears flush a faint pink as he grumbles, dropping his arms to wrap them around your waist.

“Keep it up and I’ll have to drag you to your bedroom and teach you a lesson, brat,” he growls, pressing his mouth to your ear.

You turn your head to press a kiss to his neck, grinning uncontrollably now as you both shift seamlessly back into the dynamic that had been created when he had gotten settled in your group – the usual snarky banter and the easy affection you give him comforting after the unsureness that was present just now.

“Is that a threat or a promise? Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

He huffs and rolls his eyes, pulling away to grasp your arm and drag you out of the room.

“Wait, what–?” You stammer, following him gracelessly.

“It seems that I still have to teach you some fucking manners, slut.”

Glancing back at you as he leads you through the door, the look in his eyes and his smirk makes your face heat.

“But you’ll be a good girl and cooperate with me, won’t you?”

You swallow, overwhelmed with all of the filthy thoughts that run through your mind before you shake your head to ground yourself.

It had required a lot of vulnerability and a rollercoaster of emotions, but you finally know your feelings are reciprocated… and as you let him take you to your room you realized that Scaramouche was about to show you just how much in long, excruciatingly wonderful detail.

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x you #genshin impact smut #scaramouche smut #wanderer #wanderer x reader #wanderer x you #wanderer smut #kayleigh.writes

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