#and tmi but this shit always happens on my period

[fakeoutbf]

.

#i’m gonna be dramatic for a second bear with me #this might be tmi but idc #i’m supposed to get my period tomorrow which means i’m emotional and achy already #that’s if i get it tomorrow bc i feel like it might be today but also it’s never exact so it could be wednesday for all i fucking know #and then something 🤢 happened to me this morning and i could literally cry about it from how awful it was #and i have a shit ton of work this week that i’m really not looking forward to #oh and it’s my birthday tomorrow which almost always sucks ass so #can this week be over already

[imaginecolby]

Friends with Benefits || Part Eight - The First Few Months

"colby, honey, could you grab me another towel!" you called from the bathroom.

"yes, yes! just a sec." you heard him call back from the nursery. lucas unfortunately just had a huge blow out, and you immediately put him in the bath. colby quickly arrived in the bathroom, another towel in hand.

"thank you, sweet. someone decided he was going to pull his nice clean towel into the bath with him, so now it's soaked." you teased, shooting a look at lucas. he recognized your unserious expression and immediately started cackling. "don't you laugh at me, mister!" you jokingly scolded him, poking his belly. he started laughing louder, your heart swelling at the sound.

"i don't think i can ever punish him. he's too cute." you pouted at colby.

"he shit on your pants." colby said, pointing to your thigh and stifling a laugh.

"what else is new?" you shrugged. you finished lucas' bath, and colby took him to get dressed, allowing you to take a shower yourself. once you were done, and changed, you put a small load of laundry on before meeting the boys in the living room. colby was feeding him on the couch, and you sat down next to them, resting your head on colby's shoulder.

these last few months were a huge adjustment, but you and colby were making it happen. you fell into a quick routine that was comfortable for the both of you. it was lucky that you and colby were both able to take these first few months to focus on the baby and setting your routine, because you knew it was going to be much harder if either of you was having to go through it alone.

but lucas had been such a good baby. he ate and slept well, and he hadn't really kept you up all that much. he cried very infrequently, but when he did, he wailed. fortunately, you learned quickly that was only the case when he needed a clean diaper, and were alway quick to change him.

most of your nights were spent at home, with the exception of doctors appointments. you had friends coming over periodically, to see the baby and check on you and colby, which was always nice. the first night sam came over, it started out like any normal night, but ended up being quite emotional.

"god, i can't believe he's real. i had a hard time believing this when you first told me y/n was pregnant. but holding him here, he feels like a little doll." sam breathed out a laugh, lucas resting comfortably in his arms.

"yeah, we felt that when we first brought him home. but after about the zillionth diaper, the realness set in." colby laughed.

"this is definitely TMI, but i think the realness set in for me the first time he bit my nipple. that was unpleasant." you said, walking over to sam and handing him a bottle. sam began feeding him, and lucas quickly took the bottle into his mouth. "he's very attached."

"he gets that from me." colby teased, pulling you into the couch with him.

"okay, i know this is your house, but i'm right here." sam said, feigning nausea.

"sorry. our filters are broken, given the exhaustion." you laughed along with colby. sam just shook his head, turning his attention back to lucas in his arms. 

"i hope you show a bit more discretion than your parents." sam said to him. just then, you heard a small toot. "awe, c'mon dude." sam laughed. you all sat there silently as sam continued feeding lucas, and were suddenly overcome with emotion.

"i am so proud of you both. i know your relationship did not get off to the most normal start, and you had some shocking changes to it. but you stepped up and made it work. you've got such a great kid here and i know you're going to continue to raise him into a wonderful human."

"sam." you said with a pout, fighting tears.

"i mean it! especially with you." he said, turning his attention to colby. "we've grown up together, and getting to see my best friend grow into a father is amazing. i can't wait to watch you become the great dad you're destined to be. i konw you'ce always wanted a family, and i'm so glad that i get to be here with you while you're starting it."

"i love you, man." colby said to him. you got up to take lucas from sam, and stood back as he and colby shared a tight hug. you were so glad that sam was as supportive towards colby as he'd always been. and you were glad that he'd become such a great friend to you as well. you knew he was going to be a great uncle to your baby, and lucas was going to be so lucky to have sam by his side.

#colby brock #colby brock imagine #colby brock fanfic #colby brock fanfiction #colby brock imagines #colby brock x reader #fwb

[ante--meridiem]

Personal shit under cut, not too explicit or tmi or anything though possibly mildly so, just more navel gazey rumination (and probably not in a very interesting way either) than most of you probably want to read, mostly on orientation and romance and such shit. And also, you know, the kind of ruminating on personal experiences and feelings that is always going to fall a bit outside of what I "should" feel.

After a long period of "I might be grey aro/grey ace but it's not significant enough to be worth trying to pin down the extent of it since I definitely do feel some attraction" I am once again wondering if I don't want to identify more actively as that.

Part of this has just been spurred by seeing another round of "we should combat exclusionism and biphobia among lesbians by focusing on the positive part of our attraction and not the negative" discourse and feeling intensely alienated even though I understand where it's coming from because the attraction I don't feel has had at least as much if not more impact on my life as the attraction I do feel and I can imagine a life where I'm happy never dating or fucking anyone (two things which already feel completely separate to me in a very "split attraction model"-esque way even though my attraction isn't even split, genderwise), and the kind of affinity and solidarity and "we're basically the same except for some extra details" that this discourse wants me to feel towards bi women is much closer to what I feel towards aroace people (not that I don't feel solidarity to bi people, women or otherwise - just that with aroace people there's an extra feeling of. Like. Oh you get it get it. Not universally, there's some aspects of aroace experience that are alienating to me as well, but much more strongly, and there's a lot of things that get described as primarily aroace experiences but which I relate intensely to).

There's also the alexythemia and bad interoception component muddying everything because even when my attraction is there, it's filtered through that.

And right now, for the past year or so, I've been kind of unable to imagine myself in a serious romantic relationship ever again, while intensely yearning for close platonic relationships I used to have, even though I have been doing some casual dating. But I don't know if that's shifting orientation/attraction or just the after effects of a break-up making me feel burnt out on romance - even though the break up happened over a year ago at this point and I have casually dated since. Like this doesn't feel like a "oh, my relationship didn't work out so now I believe I can never fall in love again" kind of thing, it's not a conscious assessment where I'm being cynical, it feels more like the part of me that was capable of holding and desiring those kinds of feelings is just. Gone. Maybe only temporarily. Maybe it's not gone just I've just lost my metaphorical keys or something. Who knows. But I do know I used to actively yearn for romantic relationships even if there's wasn't someone in particular I wanted them with and now all that yearning has transferred to wanting purely platonic ones.

Which is also complicated by the fact that I'm not sure I'm completely over my last ex. Not in the sense that I would want to get back together now, but that I might still be a little in love with the person they were when we were dating. Which shouldn't preclude me liking other people - I mean I'm poly for fuck's sake, and I was capable of seeing other people romantically back when I was still deeply in love with R - but might perhaps lead back to the "burnt out on romance" thing? In terms of, I tried this and poured a lot of attention and intensity and deliberateness into it, and it just left me with distance and confusing feelings.

I'd say I was burnt out on social interaction overall if not for the fact that again, I have been regularly yearning for intense and close platonic friendship, just not feeling up to any of the steps to get there - I'm in a position where keeping to myself and only really exerting social energy online and in one off irl encounters is a stable local maxima for me but definitely not a global one.

Regarding the casual dating I've been doing... my confession is that the motivation for it was that I didn't want the Landlord Situation to completely ruin my association with sexual intimacy and so made a conscious decision to look for it in circumstances I actually wanted it in, and before you judge me for that, it worked - I maintain feelings of agency that I think I might have lost if I hadn't gone for it. But it could never have led to a serious relationship, and I knew that the whole time (and made it very clear in my profile I was looking to date casually so I don't think I led anyone on), and it wasn't exactly motivated out of me thinking this is something I generally need in my life either, and now landlord isn't in the country and I'm no longer sure he's ever coming back, and I have affirmed my ability to seek out what I actually want to myself, I'm no longer sure I have any interest in continuing to seek out casual dating either even though my experiences doing it were mostly really good.

#Personal #Wow. This post ended up all over the map huh. #I don't even know what it's about anymore #Fair warning I do discuss my feelings on a recentish breakup relatively briefly #So you can exercise discretion on if that's something you want to hear about

[nsk96]

So, everyone, I'll be away for a while. Just thought I'd let you all know before someone thinks I've disappeared hehe :3

The upperclassmen and a professor at my school has warned our class that this semester is going to be extremely difficult. After the brutal exam I had today, I realize that I will have to drastically cut back on my social media use, almost like going on hiatus.

What happened, was that yesterday was a critical period where I was supposed to study the majority of the material for today's exam and instead, I spent most of the day glued to social media (and getting snacks🤡). I took a step back and wondered why on some days it's so easy for me to spend less than 5 minutes on social media, while most days it's impossible to pull away. I noticed it's because when I'm stressed and/or depressed, I get sucked into the endless scrolling. Like, it just feeds on that shit.

Since this semester is going to be nothing but a stressful and depressing mess for me, I will have to stay away as much as I can. That means no scrolling through Tumblr, Reddit, nor Instagram. I'll still visit to finish up my fan fic, Spicy Water, and try to clear out my drafts. I still got 931 left 💀. There are some of you whose fan fics (and fan fic suggestions) I have yet to read, and I intend on doing that during this period since reading is one way to maintain my sanity in the absence of social media.

But just know that I love and appreciate you all and you will be on my mind during this period. Feel free to message me any time, though my response time may be a little slow. You’re always welcome in my inbox (I’m also on Discord if you prefer: nsk#9480). Stay safe, stay hydrated, stay awesome 💙💙💙 @uncontrol-freak @kg-clark-inthedark @starsharks @rottenheartedchild @rurifangirl @a-chaotic-dumbass @anonymousgeekhere @deephumanoidduckdonut @spoopy-fish-writes @kikicocobell @koisheep and anyone I may be forgetting at the moment😭

As many of you already know, there's a lot going on in my life (personal rant. Skip this next part. I got too carried away but don't feel like deleting anything right now):

A cluttered home (because moving into a smaller home where my bedroom storage is cut in half and I now have to store things in my room that I'm not supposed to store in my room, but have to because my mom and I fear they'll be tampered with)

Living in a constant state of paranoia and fear with a narcissistic dad

Living with a mom who always has to remind me of things I don't want to be reminded of at the most inconvenient times (past issues, new issues, constant issues, and some things just too TMI that got me thinking like, "yeah, I didn't need to hear that before breakfast. Thanks. Now I've started my day on a depressing/or mildly disgusted note")

My mom's health not doing so great

My own health not doing so great (both mental and physical)

Falling behind on class lectures

Those two girls on my team who love to cause trouble for me on group projects

Overload of homework

Pharmacy rotation that takes up a whole day out of my week and drains the life out of me

Wanting to write fan fictions and my novels but not having the time or health to...so now it feels like my soul is dying. I don't know how else to describe it. When I can't write or even daydream the stories I want to write, I feel like I'm withering away.

And to be honest, the debilitating loneliness I feel. Wanting to love and be loved (romantically) and not having the time nor mental health to handle it. And the guy I'm interested in, seems so far away. Like, I want to get to know him better but he's on my team and it's all 'business' and he probably wants nothing to do with me after our team mentor had to call a meeting about our team's toxic dynamics (the meeting was called because me and another girl told our mentor about the toxic crap those two girls were doing). He seemed irritated and after the meeting didn't really talk to me directly much. Maybe I'm overthinking it. That's a big problem with me: I don't talk enough to people, I just stand there and think too much. And just...none of the guys I'm interested in ever seem interested in me. After my last breakup, it feels like the magic of finding out that your crush has a crush on you too, ended for me in 2019. Then there was this one guy my school friend introduced me to. He literally looked me up and down with a scowl or something. I don't know if it was the way I was dressed or what (I know some people hate anything that even remotely resembles khaki pants). Or it could be that I was taller than him (considering that I'm now finding out that a lot of guys are uncomfortable with their height😥). To put it into context, I'm 5'3" (160cm). I want to think it's my overall appearance but my appearance hasn't changed much in the past few years. Let me not get too much into that before my people-pleasing tendencies resurface.

Honestly, there’s just a lot of negative feelings and thoughts coming to my mind. I wish I could live on my own just for a little while until I have myself figured out. Unfortunately I can’t afford it. Balancing a job and pharmacy school isn’t doable for me because I need all the study time I can get. Just want to grow as a person but I feel so stifled living with my parents. I can’t even be out past 7pm apparently? My mom freaks out and wants to call the cops if I don’t reply to her texts within like 10 minutes. Considering her background and the crazy shit happening in the U.S., I understand but geez, give me some breathing room. I don’t know what changed…it wasn’t this bad when I was in undergrad. It was bad just not this bad. And this from the lady telling me I need to start thinking about dating and look around. How am I supposed to go out with a guy if you expect me to text you every 30 minutes now??? I was out with a female friend last weekend and my mom was freaking out so much. Texting, calling, and she even drove up to where we were when I didn’t answer her call. I don’t know what to do. My first step right now would be to get in contact with a therapist and look for apartments so that I can make a plan. Then look into financial resources. Hopefully I can do all that without my dad finding out. I feel like if I can get us away from him, she’ll feel so much better.

#pharmacy school adventures #tw narcissistic parent #tw mental health #mental health #mental breakdown #mentally tired

[anything-viva]

sorry i just need to rant about this bc i've fucking had it. here's the big lies she's told me off the top of my head, kinda tmi but idc.

like she said she got pneumonia when she was nine and her parents refused to take her to the hospital, nearly killing her. funny thing, whenever i complained abt my cramps she'd bring up how hers used to put her in the hospital. (way to center the conversation on yourself, btw!) she wouldn't be old enough to drive when she first started getting them, so who took her to the hospital? i went to school with her, i live five minutes away from her, never saw ambulances that often! curious!

that's also part of the reason why i didn't get my shit checked out for so long! "oh, it's not as bad as rachel's so it's no big deal. i should just shut up and bear it." i can hardly stand up for ten minutes without pain now. THANKS! I CAME TO MY BEST FRIEND FOR ADVICE AND YOU LIED TO ME <3

btw her periods aren't even that bad. she gave me the thinnest fucking pad that would hardly last me three hours on a bad day like that. SHE CLAIMED IT WOULD LAST TWELVE! FUCKING LMAO! she didn't belive me when i laughed and told her it wouldn't last. if your parents refused to take you to the hospital when you nearly died, why would they take you if your periods are that light? like if your outer signs are so minimal, they wouldn't take you!!

said her dad took the lock off her door and creeped on her. HER DOOR HAS A LOCK, THERE IS NO DAMAGE ON THE DOOR!!! also the way she described it sounded exactly like an anime trope. shes a MASSIVE weeb, so i think she got it from some shitty anime she saw.

she said she's saving up to move out of her abusive household yet she splurges money like crazy. her room is full of anime figurines and unused wiccan shit. i really don't think she's actually a wiccan, she would've used those candles but they showed NO signs of use! as soon as we get together she starts talking abt buying lingerie and stuff from spencer's. aren't you saving up???

she says she can hear demons when her ears start ringing- babe, you have tinnitus.

and the constant constant "how do you think i feel?" she says i can tell her anything, but whenever i complain it's almost always "hOw Do YoU tHiNk I fEel" unless im on the verge of a fucking breakdown

said to my face "i haven't gotten fast food in months!" I WAS IN THE CAR WITH HER WHEN SHE GOT THEM? LIKE LMFAO? i wouldn't really care how she eats, but the audacity to lie to my face about something I SAW?!

she lies about getting commissions CONSTANTLY. made some fucking ridiculous lie up abt getting a comm from some rich lady who owns property at the tip of florida, supposedly over 100 manatees live there! No the fuck they don't!!!!!!! do you think i'm stupid?!

most recent example happened tonight. she hung up some of her paintings today at the gallery and claimed afterwards she got two offers on them? no the fuck she didn't, they were some of her worst paintings. i was there most of the time, i likely would've heard it!

i think that last bit is bc i got more attention than her. we were seated at the same booth. i talked a LOT to the people who were interested in my art because i can hold a conversation!

that's why she started making up shit abt commissions and getting jumped. OH MY FUCKIGN GOD

SHES BEEN DOING THIS AS LONG AS IVE KNOWN HER AND I ONLY JUST REALIZED

EDIT I FORGOT ABT THAT ONE TIME THIS SUMMER SHE SAID HER DAD TOOK A THIUSAND DOLLARS FROM HER BANK ACCOUNT. GOOD GOD I FORGOT ABT THAT. MY MOM AND BROTHER WERE THERE.

[lnights]

Hey Awkward,

(Sorry if tmi) I am still sick, my face hurts and to top this shit sandwich off I have the period from hell to the point I cannot concentrate on Harry Potter 🤬… I blame the little biohazards I work with for the former

My comfort food and film are not helping and everything fucking hurts so I was wondering if we can get some band sick comfort - maybe Olli as he’s always the one who plays doctor.

I hope that made sense my brain feels like cotton wool

Love and fluffy Bat hugs (though from a distance don’t need you getting ill)

Anxious 🦇🖤

Hi Anxious dear,

🍍🍇🫐 have your fruit and drink and try to get some sleep.

...

"Stay in your bed or I am having Tommi stuff you back in there."

Aleksi rolled his eyes at Olli but couldn't hold back a cough, curling up slightly in his bunk.

Getting sick on tour was the worst, Aleksi thought disgruntled. Olli had been sick as well but he had gotten better after a couple days.

Aleksi though, it had seemed to settle in his chest, his cough getting worse even as his stuffed nose cleared, making it hard for him to move on stage.

He had to get better, he couldn't let them cancel another show...

Although they could always go on without him...

He didn't love either scenario but he knew it would get there soon if he didn't get better. But he couldn't lay in his bunk all day either, he was going nuts!

Olli was still at the front of his bunk, the curtain pulled back enough to look at him.

"Try to get some more sleep," Olli said, voice softer then before.

"I can't sleep all day." Aleksi argued, "eventually I just can't." He broke off has a cough tore through him.

Olli sighed, "I think you need to see a doctor, that sounds bad, Ale."

"I get sick too easy." Aleksi grumbled, "I'm not missing a show for it."

"We'll do whatever we have to, don't worry about that."

Aleksi took a breath to argue, an insecurity on the tip of his tongue, but he decided against it, there was no reason to bother Olli with it.

But his bandmate saw it.

"what's wrong?"

Aleksi tried to shrug the question away, but a moment later Olli had crawled in the bunk with him, pulling the heavy curtain closed.

"You'll get sick!" Aleksi tried to protest.

"Already was," Olli argued, voice low, "tell me what's up. It's not that big of a deal, people get sick, it happens."

"Don't wanna let you guys down." Aleksi muttered, finding his head pressed against Olli's shoulder in the cramped space.

Olli sighed, moving his arm so it was around him instead, his head ending up on Olli's chest.

"You should know us better then that by now," Olli told him softly, "we've got your back regardless whatever happens. If you have to sit out a couple shows, we'll deal; no one will think less of you for it. Now please try to get some more sleep."

Laying against Olli, his reassuring words and presence helped lull him back to sleep.

He was right of course, he thought. His boys always had his back.

It would be ok.

...

Somehow this became an American tour sick fic 😅

#answered asks #im an awkward 🦇 #mini fic #anxious 🦇

[nukenai]

idk just some shower thoughts ranting about my experiences with my gender identity & body growing up and how Weird it was. I try very much not to be like Listen To My Cis Feelings About Shit! but, idk maybe it’s stupid to say but I deeply struggled with my body for most of my life so it’s just kinda about that

growing up I always had long hair because I was told I looked like a boy with short hair. I was into typical “boy things” and people would wonder why I wasn’t More Of A Girl.

This will get only slightly TMI but I like. Did not hit puberty?? Idk. Like when I was 15 or 16 I finally got my period, and my face started breaking out absolutely nonstop until earlier this year, but I literally never experienced Body Changes. I am completely flat chested. I don’t have wide hips. I never “developed”. ~*Biologically*~ I’m female but I always felt ugly and misshapen because I never got an Adult Body like everyone else around me.

I was... bullied a lot for it. Kids in my one science class in high school hand-wrote me a letter telling me that my clothes were ugly and there was something wrong with me for wearing them (a t-shirt and jeans). They asked me, graphically, if I was secretly a boy because my body didn’t look like a girl’s and I didn’t have boobs. My own mother bought me padded bras because “You need to have a little something”, and would angrily ask why I didn’t want to wear makeup to “look better”.

I felt so awful about my scrawny, non-shaped self that I only wore t-shirts and jeans with light hoodies for my entire school life. A couple times I would wear dresses at dances and stuff and people were shocked that I even owned things like that.

I didn’t NOT want to be a girl or anything. The opposite. I wished I was prettier and could wear nice things, but nice things didn’t look good on my body. I wanted to be a beautiful princess but I just wasn’t beautiful and no one wanted to look at me. I never had any boyfriends or anything in school because no one was interested in me, remotely. Not a single person ever expressed real interest in me and while I didn’t particularly WANT a relationship, it really... hurt my feelings that no one would even be interested. My mom told me she felt that I “missed out” for not having boyfriends in school and pressured me into a “relationship” with a friend that expressed a crush on me post-high school, that lasted for 2 weeks bc I was miserable. We are still good friends and everything is fine now. [I am also still good friends with every person I was in a “real” relationship with as an adult but I have realized it is Not For Me because I am unable to really reciprocate Romantic(tm) feelings and I really, really hate being touched a lot of the time! I like hugs! But skin-on-skin contact, even like, hand-holdilng, is extremely uncomfortable to me and being kissed repulses me! Even on the cheek, man. Even by family. I’ve really offended family members my entire life, mostly my mom, because of this. She would always touch me and kiss me without permission and it has just ALWAYS upset me. Sorry mom.]

Only in college did I start trying to wear clothes that made me feel nice. I wore a floor-length skirt to a writing class one day with a nice blouse I had. My professor got distracted in the middle of saying something because he was so surprised to see me dressed nice - it was a nice day out and he said I was dressed like a “spring flower”. Everyone in the class started very kindly commenting that I looked really nice and seemed happy and they hoped I’d wear clothes like that in the future because I always seemed gloomy when I wore just hoodies and jeans.

Idk when the switch really happened. After my mom died I guess. I cut all my hair off and now I can’t stand it being past my shoulders. I realized that I wasn’t in high school anymore so nobody gave a shit if I looked weird in clothes, I should just wear what I wanted. I started wearing shorter and shorter skirts and dresses on hot summer days, and I realized it was really nice to wear clothes like that. I didn’t just have to stare at them in the store anymore.

I have the same body I did when I was 15. I weigh the same. I never got any boobs or hips or anything. But something changed when I became an adult and I started buying cute dresses and short-shorts. I’m 30 now and I still wear my tiny dresses and skirts. But also I wear my graphic tees with my jeans and either way I feel great. I sorta came to terms with this being My body and it doesn’t matter what other people think. I don’t love it... not yet. But, I finally actually love being a girl.

I’ve seen “gender euphoria” discussed as exclusively a trans topic and I never want to overstep. But I’ve endured 15+ years of severe, what I could really call dysphoria, over just... what my body was. I didn’t know what i wanted it to be, but it wasn’t THIS mess. And now, at almost 31, I’m finally kind of happy in my skin. I finally got treatment for my breakouts - at 30 - and even though I’m covered in scars, I feel like I’m finally taking ownership of my body.

So idk like I said this is just ranting about my own personal experiences. Again I absolutely don’t want to overstep or be like “yeah I totally get what it’s like to be trans” bc I don’t and never will. But it makes me just sort of think, I’ve come to really be able to like myself and my expression of myself. Why wouldn’t I want that for my trans friends? And even people who aren’t my friends? I think it’s an amazing feeling that took way too long for me to find, and everyone should be able to feel like this, whether they’re wearing dresses or jeans or short-shorts, man who cares.

I also don’t get periods anymore due to the birth control I’m on for a medical condition, so I get so extra weirded out by fucked up TERF shit degrading ~*Womanhood*~ down to biological functions and body structure. Like, I don’t have breasts, or wide hips, or a menstrual cycle. But I’m a woman and I know I am. This whole “Define a woman” shit is so bizarre because why should we have to? How about we let people define themselves?? I don’t feel threatened by transwomen because I think everyone should be able to enjoy finding themselves like I did. I know all TERF shit is just lies and posturing and making shit up because they’re insecure psychopaths anyways. And I might be a slight psychopath but I’m not insecure about who I am. And someone defining themselves as a “woman” in a way that’s different than me is kind of none of my business! I just. I guess I literally don’t care how other people are defining/presenting/etc themselves because it’s not? Me? I just want other people to be happy in themselves because I know what it’s like to be MISERABLE in myself, and it’s feels like being trapped in a nightmare. And having other people torment you because you’re not Their Idea of whatever you should be... it’s awful. Fuck it and fuck them.

Too many people have asked me “have you gotten your hormones checked?” when I tell them I’m AroAce, and I don’t feel like explaining that lack of sexual attraction =/= lack of sex drive and my sex life or lack thereof is so profoundly none of their business. Sometimes I wonder, maybe I DO have some kind of hormone issue. But I also could not give less of a shit! I don’t care because I’m happy in who I am and my gender/sexuality stuff. I don’t care if there’s something “wrong” with me by dumb medical standards from boring people who think I should have 3 kids by now and ask me things like “are your parents sad you aren’t giving them grandkids?” Well, my mom died 11 years ago and my dad told me a while ago that he “doesn’t think marriage and relationships are for [him]” so maybe he’s Aro too! Bottom line: who cares mind your own business

Anyways I guess the tl;dr is. I can’t wait until the warm weather comes back, so I can wear my super short slutty little dresses that people would love to tell me I’m too old to wear. Sorry, can’t hear you over all the compliments I’m getting on my sick-ass Wind Fish tattoo! And my legs look fuckin nice, hell yeah! They’re nice legs! I ride horses and have moderate muscle definition exclusively in my legs! WHOO!

Also if you ever compliment my appearance, my clothes, or anything about me, I will remember it absolutely forever, and you have no idea how much it means to me. If you’ve ever said I looked nice or I’m pretty or you love my outfit, I remember it and it is such an important memory for me.

[thedamageofherdays]

Putting this under a read more because it's a little tmi even for an oversharer like me but I just wanna complain:

I just got my period without warning which means there is a big chance I will also have my period while in London and I'm so unreasonably upset about this and upset about having periods in general and really debating to phone my doctor on Monday to have an appointment about birth control because I'm getting so frustrated by my periods. They always happen when I least/need want them. I just wanna have fun in London without having to worry about shit like this. Ugh. So sad.

#rrambles #period tw

[bredforloyalty]

TMI warning ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ but the worst i've ever felt in my life was the two times i had this,, episode during my period, a few hours when i would stay in the bathroom and be on the verge of throwing up, i was sweating like mad and shaking and my guts and ovaries were hurting so much i really wished i would die like the bleach by the toilet looked fucking delicious. and then it would end after a while. my mom had it a few times too she called it something like a ""hormonal wave"" and said it just happens and that birth control would probably stop it

and anyway i'm in the thick of a cold and i just got my period and the second day's always the worst, it totally messes with my digestion every time but only for like a day. and today i woke up and felt like shit, i took a cataflam because of the cramps, then started feeling nauseous or more like my body was trying to eject everything inside and i started sweating and it hurt and ngl i got so scared 🥴 in the end it wasn't a full two or three hours of absolute agony but i was afraid it was gonna be that again. i was terrified

#i don't know how i did it twice and why i haven't taken steps to prevent that from happening again #i guess i just don't trust doctors and i'm scared of gynecologists and don't think they will take this seriously #bc like‚ it Did only happen a few times #and birth control pills have side effects and risks... to start taking them because of this doesn't sound smart to me #kata.txt

[1d1195]

Its not tmi! Periods happen and shit gets crazy the days leading up to it and during it lol But dreams are wild and sometimes NOT fun!

And yeah Sunday was just not it honestly and a bit today too if im being honest. The book I recently got (Our Share of Night by Mariana Enríquez) isnt technically an "easy" read sooo I have yet to start it lol But my journal has been put into good use these past few days so be prepared once I reread it and send you some inspo🤪

And I'm sorry Sunday wasn't good either :( I hope today (Monday) was slightly better! Or hope that it will get better throughout the week!

BUT I do have to say bestie is that the new Protection extra did make me smile :) And it kinda made me wanna cry but like happy tears because it was just SO ADORABLE! ALSO the way you said it was going to be set a little into the future....BUT I DID NOT EXPECT TO READ ABOUT THEM BEING PARENTS?! I WAS IN SHOCK!!

THEIR CHILD IS NAMED VIOLET 😭HARYY CALLS HER MISS PETAL😭THEY ARE STILL SO IN LOVE AND THEY BOTH LOVE THEIR KID😭😭😭😭 bestie, I cant! and then you go and create such a beautiful meaning behind her tattoo😭😭😭😭MY HEART HURTS FROM HOW MUCH LOVE THEY HAVE!!!! I LOVED IT SO MUCH!!!!!!!! It was so good 😭I hope we can see all their little moments that led up to them being such a lovely family!

LOVED IT SO MUCH!-💜

I searched up the book, it looks a bit too intense for my dumb brain these days (see our convo about brain-rotting stupid books hahahaha) but when you get around to reading it and if you like it please let me know! I trust your opinion implicitly!

PLEASE SEND ME INSPO. I'm always in need! Tbh, I've been thinking about you a lot while writing my newest little mini series (My Friend's Toyota--not sure if you saw that one) since it's college based--I hope you'll like it 😊

Due to my poor choice of teaching 14-year-old psychopaths, I will not tell you how my week has gone thus far. I am VERY superstitious when it comes to teaching and I'm worried by telling you how the week has been I will suddenly sway the winds in another direction which I would not be prepared for; I will tell you at the end of the week so long as I make it there hahahahaha

But I am making good headway on my first book of February! I anticipate I'll be done by the end of the week. I get such reader's block ??? I get so emotionally attached to a book that it's hard to start another one. I don't think I started a new book for like a week and a half by the end of January.

I am SO happy you liked the new extra! I've had it in mind since I finished the last chapter! I definitely have other ideas for them and I know it was a little unfair to jump so far in the future, but I just had to get that out before I forgot about it. They are a special little couple if I do say so myself and I ALWAYS value your opinion but they were the first story you started chatting to me about so I feel very strongly about getting your approval on it 😭

thank you so much as always and very sorry for my particularly long rambling today!

xoxo

#💜

[ranger-kellyn]

tmi, sex mention, miscarriage and venting stuff below the read more

i'm fine i'm just Mad

the official Worst part about being into juliana/nemona at this point is how much i see people complaining that "they're teenagers!! you shouldn't write anything gross about them!!" and i'm just like.....

i have this fic in mind. it's been rolling around my brain nonstop since i started up my second playthrough in scarlet and it's a first kiss and first time messing around type story. i even said to myself when i very first thought of the fic, "my first kiss and my first time messing around both absolutely SUCKED and so it would be nice to write this for my younger self. living vicariously through them a scenario where my first kiss and first time messing around didn't fucking blow and leave me feeling disgusting."

bc yeah!! my first kiss fucking sucked!!! it rarely ever comes up, but when it does, i always lie and say my first kiss was my first boyfriend, john when i was 16. my kiss with john was straight out of a fucking fairy tale! outside our hotel under the starlit sky of crans montana switzerland as we watched a rainstorm roll in at an angle in the valley below us! wonderful! couldn't ask for better. people eat that shit up.

my actual first kiss was at 15 with this gross boy who from the day i met him i hated him. he came out of nowhere and was dating my best friend for like all of a week, but he set off this alarm in the back of my mind-- but i was so desperate for my first kiss bc i was the only one of my friends who hadn't at that point, and i was desperate to know what it was like and how "MaGiCaL" it would be. so even when the boy i had this intrinsic "stay away from me" started paying attention to me, i shoved all that aside just so i could finally kiss someone. he made me fucking touch his dick before kissing me and he hardly did anything for me and the kiss sucked and it all was just horrible, and to this day i just feel horrible for my younger self for walking us into that when we knew-- i knew you were trouble was my favorite taylor song when red first came out for a reason

my first time having sex was at 17 with a different guy, and that fucking sucked because i wasn't confident enough to say "what you're doing isn't working for me" or try to tell him how to actually get me off so i put up with sex that was so disappointing it got me over him (lmaO) BUT. and while, sure, i technically never took a pregnancy test bc i was petrified to buy one, i missed my period for a little over two months and then had the worst period of my fucking life-- i feel safe to say i miscarried. which, don't get me wrong, i am more than thankful it happened because being a parent that young would have absolutely ruined my life, and being tied to him in that way is the last thing i would ever want. i just still hate that my younger self went through all of that.

so i just want to live a little vicariously through some fictional characters a scenario where your first kiss and first time messing around(/sex in general bc i know it's a little dubious when you both have vaginas as to what is and isn't sex lmao) doesn't fucking blow because it's with someone you genuinely already love because they were your best friend first, and so you're not scared to talk and work with them, and I just.......

i genuinely don't think i'll be able to post such a fic. and because i don't think i can post it, i haven't even allowed myself to actually write anything because in the back of my mind i'm terrified that writing this fic will get me doxxed by some puritanical wack job who refuses to separate fiction from reality.

i don't want to have to preface my fic with this whole stupid ass justification just because the internet at large is letting purity culture worms eat their fucking brains.

i DO have a second AO3 account with no socials linked i could post it to, but that still makes me anxious. i'm not trying to have some freak try to doxx me and harm me in some way just because i wanted to write something for my younger self.

#anyways a huge big Fuck You to purity culture #vent tag #maybe delete later

[baekhvuns]

okay so i'm here again, surprizingly alive lmfao school is killing me :D

but omg the new vm feature on universe is feeding my delulu ass right now, 2ho saying i love you dAMN,, i love u too😔💔

ALSO I SAW THE SPOILER hwa definitely does NOT wear the pants in this relationship. lmFAOOOO AND IM HERE FOR IT. i seriously love tropes where one is all bad and rawr grr growl but when it comes to their s/o they go soft marshmallows uwu AND CANT EVER SAY NO TO THEM AAAAA

also tmi😭 its like about to be 2am here, i stood up from sittinf down for like 2 hrs and then i felt like i peed my shorts, turns out my period decided to give me a visit😁 AND NOW I FEEL GROSS AND STICKY even though i literally just took a bath right after that happened

anyways

how've u been! i hope life hasnt been hard on you <33 i was rereading part 2 of duke hwa like my life depended on it lmfao i think i need to go see a doctor

also mingis hair!! i thought the pics he uploaded with that hair a few days ago was taken a long time ago😭 turns out it really is his current hair <33 he looks so good with it, we now have a oreo line!!

also lmfao ateez and kq keep on edging us JUST DROP THE DAMN CB ANNOUNCEMENT WILL YOU😭😭 im tired of wearing the clownsuit every 12am kst like, they dropped the fever diary one earlier, I THIYGHT IT WAS THE XB ANNOUNEMENT💔

also why does sannie keep on doing the eating poosie pose HQJZHAHHAHAHAH

okay neways JWIZJAZJAB please take care of yourself ms baekhvussy owner<33 stay safe and healthy!! hope your days will be full of fun and joy always, mwamwa

-🍤

hi bestie!!

okay so i'm here again, surprizingly alive lmfao school is killing me :D

hello !!!! BDMADJ YOU GOT THIS BESTIE YOU GOT IT 😭😭

but omg the new vm feature on universe is feeding my delulu ass right now, 2ho saying i love you dAMN,, i love u too😔💔

LMFAOOOO pls the way my friend messaged me ant this new update and the delulu level is on a mAXX

ALSO I SAW THE SPOILER hwa definitely does NOT wear the pants in this relationship. lmFAOOOO AND IM HERE FOR IT. i seriously love tropes where one is all bad and rawr grr growl but when it comes to their s/o they go soft marshmallows uwu AND CANT EVER SAY NO TO THEM AAAAA

LMFAOOOO HE DOES NOT 😭😭😭 WE ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE YN,,, u know how side characters have more personality than the main character,,, this yn is exactly that 😭😭 YEAH RAW GRRR BODYGUARD WALKING BEHIND HER LIKE A DOG NGBWM 😭😭😭

also tmi😭 its like about to be 2am here, i stood up from sittinf down for like 2 hrs and then i felt like i peed my shorts, turns out my period decided to give me a visit😁 AND NOW I FEEL GROSS AND STICKY even though i literally just took a bath right after that happened

NAURRRRRRRRR I FELT THAT PHYSICALLY hope no bad cramps for u ✨✨🤚🏼 no cramps at all ✨✨✨🤌🏼

how've u been! i hope life hasnt been hard on you <33 i was rereading part 2 of duke hwa like my life depended on it lmfao i think i need to go see a doctor

ive been well!!! it has not bc i sleep half my day <3 ☺️☺️ NOT PART 2 GET OUT THATS FULL OF SMUT GHWKFH TAKE ME WITH U ASWELL now imagine how much smut would be in the next series i DONT EVEN WANNA THINK ABT IT FBFB

also mingis hair!! i thought the pics he uploaded with that hair a few days ago was taken a long time ago😭 turns out it really is his current hair <33 he looks so good with it, we now have a oreo line!!

HES SO MF CUTE I CANNOT THIS MAN IS VILE HES SOMETHING ELSE ON STAGE AND THEN HE POSTS THEM CUTEASS PHOTOS 🔫 MEN 🔫

also lmfao ateez and kq keep on edging us JUST DROP THE DAMN CB ANNOUNCEMENT WILL YOU😭😭 im tired of wearing the clownsuit every 12am kst like, they dropped the fever diary one earlier, I THIYGHT IT WAS THE XB ANNOUNEMENT💔

i think they just forgot they have a cb 😭😭 july 29th should be the date so we should see announcements end of june BUT EVERYTIME THEY TWEET I RUN LMFAOO ME TOO PLS I WAS CLOSE TO LOOSING MY SHIT OVER 1. IT WAS ONLY ONE VERSION 2. THICKASS BOOK 😭😭😭

also why does sannie keep on doing the eating poosie pose HQJZHAHHAHAHAH

GET THE FUCK OUT THAT SOMG JUST PLAYED IN MY MIND GET OUT 😭😭😭

okay neways JWIZJAZJAB please take care of yourself ms baekhvussy owner<33 stay safe and healthy!! hope your days will be full of fun and joy always, mwamwa

yes miss shrimp(ussy) !!!! pls take care of yourself tooo!!! take breaks from uni too ayo 😭😭🤚🏼

#✉️ : ask #🍤 anon

[literallytoad]

With any luck I will be back on T tomorrow (I've been off it for 2 months not by choice but because of money and sucking at doing things like making appointments and going to appointments) and I am so fucking glad

#the luck is hoping the pharmacy can get it ready the same day #i am so pissed at myself for letting it go this long and i am anxious as fuck about the actual appointment but i am very glad it's happenin #i have been feeling like shit and wanting to cry all the time and panicking 24/7 about....... things happening #my post

[yul-lyu]

So about the (name)-ah/ya/ie/ssi thing

So I was reading fanfics on ao3 (like always) and discovered fanfics for Korean webnovels, webtoons and dramas and got really excited because I had absolutely no idea orv and Tower of God had an international fanbase??? So obviously I read a bunch of fics and they were REALLY GOOD HOLY SHIT HONESTLY I LOVE YOU ALL but I couldn't help but want to point out some errors and stuff based on grammar and culture so here goes nothing!

1. (Name)-ah/ie/ya/ssi

So this is the most common mistake I found and I get why so many people make it. It might be a bit tricky for non-korean speakers and some of them vary by age and stuff so cultural difference makes an appearance here. It's also the main reason I'm writing this post.

(Name)-ah/ya

So this is used when you're directly talking to the person being addressed. It's used when you are addressing a friend and someone younger than you (and in the case of adults) that you are close to. DO NOT use it when you're addressing someone older or a higher rank or higher social position unless it's used like that in the original work (this happens very rarely tho).

Also (name)-ah is used when the persons name ends with basically any letter other than a, i, o, e, u. And (name)-ya is used when the name does end or is pronounced like it ends in those letters.

Ex)Joonghyuk-ah, Gilyoung-ah, Dokja-ya, Sangah-ya

(Name)-ie

Basically used when referring to someone (or yourself, sometimes, if you're feeling childish or a literal child in preschool) in third-person. So basically when you're talking to someone about another person, not directly to the person you're addressing. Sometimes when it is used when talking to the person addressed, said person is usually a child under 6-7years-old and usually used in the context of a question.

It's only used if the name doesn't end in a, i, o, e, u. If it does, or is pronounced like it does, you don't use anything after it's just (Name). Also, this term is also only used when you are addressing a friend and/or someone younger than you. Otherwise add -ssi. I'll explain that next.

Ex)

"Yoosung-ie is sleeping."

"Dokja is recovering"

(Talking to Mina(4y/o)) "Mina should eat her carrots to be healthy, right?"

Mina(4y/o) : Mina likes to play! Will you be my friend?

(Name)-ssi

It's a formal way addressing someone, but in cultural context it's only used between two adults. In some contexts, usually being a different world or period entirely or a unique dynamic between characters, it can be used to address a minor. One example being Bam calling Khun(17 y/o at the time) Khun-ssi. Whether a character calls someone (Name)-ssi can vary from character to character, so if you're using this term keep a look out to whether the character addressed is called (Name)-ssi by the character addressing them. Some characters might call everyone (Name)-ssi while some characters don't at all(tho this would usually be rude), and some characters might call this character (Name)-ssi but use (Name)-ah/ya/ie for another. Underage characters usually do not use the term at all, as in real life the term is not used by or on underage people. It is also considered rude if a older adult doesn't call a younger adult (name)-ssi when they are not close or doesn't have permission to do so. And when a younger adult calls an older adult (name)-ssi they usually met outside of work and don't have a huge age gap. It would be rather rude to call a friend's mother or someone old enough to be your mother (name)-ssi without their permission.

Also (name)-ssi is used when you're talking to the person directly and when you're talking about them to another person. Also it doesn't matter what the name ends with.

Ex)

Kuhn-ssi

Heewon-ssi

Dokja-ssi

2. Chunni or Chunnibyeong (I honestly have no idea how you spell it)

Okay so.. I think some people have the right idea about this and some are confused? Chunni is directly translated to 중2. Which is middleschool 2nd grade, and if I'm not mistaken, 8th grade in the US (Korea has 6 grades of elementary). When you refer to someone as chunni, you could be literally saying that they're in 8th grade, or that they have chunnibyeong.

Chunnibyeong is what people in Korea jokingly refer the serious-but-seems-silly-when-you-get-past-it stage, teen angst, emo phase, and the "this is the real me! What does being like me even mean?!" phase as. It's typically hits the peak at 8th grade, hence why it's called chunnibyeong. Kids in late elementary school years to highschool seniors can be said to have a case of chunnibyeong if that phase is on going. But the term isn't usually used on adults. If an adult has symptoms of chunnibyeong they're called childish and very dramatic. With the exception of late chunnibyeong. Which refers to adults that didn't have a trace of chunnibyeong in their teen years but suddenly has symptoms (usually) in their twenties.

Of course, if canon call adults chunni then that is another exception of what is stated above.

Tmi, but there's a saying in Korea that North Korea doesn't dare start a war because they're afraid of the Chunni's. That's how dramatic they are. (Exhibit A : Kim Namwoon)

So that's pretty much all I could think of! If you have any other questions pls feel free to ask!

#orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint #kim dokja #yoo joonghyuk #joongdok #tower of god #khun x bam #25th bam #khun aguero agnis #ao3 #fanfic tips #i have no idea if there are any other fandoms i haven't checked yet #yes #this is me ranting #well i guess there's the kpop fandom but im lowkey scared of them #yes i am korean #yes i literally live there #holy shit there's a trash of the count's family fandom #cale henituse #trash of the count's family #han yoohyun #han yoojin #sung hyunjae #the s classes that i raised #korean honorifics #korean language

[belle-keys]

It’s always so funny to observe YA book trends, cus it's all the product of social media hype, marketing, and the publishing world’s scheming that decides what we read. Content is often disseminated based on marketability and not necessarily quality (this is old news, but still).

Like back in 2005-2008 or so, we had the Twilight-Harry Potter dichotomy essentially ruling the scene, and thus these two series were responsible for why the Percy Jackson series, City of Bones and Vampire Academy, for instance, blew up so much, because these latter series all reiterated the themes that Twilight and Harry Potter (and their rivalry) promoted: secret worlds, beings, societies, and their institutions living among regular people in modern society. Then let’s go to 2011-2014 where the shit was dystopian fiction. It’s easier to illustrate what happened here in terms of trends: The Hunger Games popped off (rightly so) and thus Divergent, The Maze Runner, The Giver, Delirium, Shatter Me and The Selection were the trends now. Likewise, I wanna bet that Hush Hush and Fallen got hype in 2013-2014 cus of TMI and TID ending around that time. John Green had people reading all kinds of sappy, angsty teen lit in 2014 as well, I'm not even gonna expand on this. And finally, with the advent of Sarah J. Maas and Leigh Bardugo in 2015-now, it seems high fantasy is the trend (I also wanna say The Red Queen and the increased viewership of Game of Thrones plays a big part in this by the way). Because of Shadow and Bone, Throne of Glass, The Red Queen and such, it seems everyone and their mom been getting a book deal set in a high fantasy world, usually dealing with a monarchy/power institution vs the “common man”, and maybe someone has powers or some shit like that. Fairyloot itself is a testament to the success of this genre of YA.

But it gets even funnier when you look at how a certain book or book series pops off if it vaguely reminds readers of a previous blockbuster series thematically. When Shadow and Bone blew up, it seemed evident that The Crown’s Game would get attention (because Russia, lol). The Gilded Wolves has gotten traction and I’ll largely bet it’s cus of Six of Crows. I love The Cruel Prince with all my heart, but I’d be stupid to ignore the fact that this series got so much hype across social media because it was released in a time period where intimidating, sexy Fae are trending largely because of SJM. Heck, it’d be stupid to ignore that Fae are the “thing” right now with ToG, ACOMAF, TCP, and all the Fae business in The Dark Artifices and such. I’m not implying that any book lacks quality cus it got hype by the way, but I’m pointing out the way companies know that familiarity is a seller and won’t hesitate to play off it. Right now as we speak, From Blood and Ash is riding the coattails of ACOMAF.

But this even happens with tropes, not just genre!!! I do not care who the hell is mad but after Cassandra Clare made Will Herondale and popularized his Will-ness, if you gave me a dollar for every book boy with dark hair, blue eyes, a love for reading and endless snark then I’d be a rich woman. The “brooding vampire” was a whole ass personality that Edward Cullen popularized, bless his sweet heart. It seems the “progressive hottie” who insists on calling the MC his “queen and equal” is the thing right now: Rhys, Hawke, the shadow dude from The Shadows Between Us, even Cardan if you think about it. Love triangles were the big thing a decade ago, but now it seems that it’s assholes-to-lovers, as we see in From Blood and Ash, The Cruel Prince, ACOTAR, etc. Love tropes now are about power imbalances and the relationship between the hunter and the hunted - The Darkling was an excellent subversion of this trope.

I can think of so many more examples of the publishing world playing off trends man. To add, isn’t it just dandy that after the Shadowhunters Netflix series, we got Shadow and Bone, and now ACOTAR is getting a Hulu TV show? Also, it’s interesting the way “adult series” are getting more traction and I’d largely bet it’s cus of the success of Addie La Rue, Ninth House, Crescent City and whatever it is that Cassie has planned with her new fantasy book. Yes yes yes, I don’t need the business majors to tell me this is how the industry works because the publishing will apply the same marketing principles as any other entertainment industry blah blah blah cus capitalism and pop culture phenomena blah blah blah. It’s just amusing to see how in-your-face this industry operates and controls what content we consume and what we think is “good”.

Disclaimer: I do not think that tropes are bad at all (it’s almost impossible to write “tropeless” work). I do not think that trends are bad or that popular series are bad or shallow. I love, like, half of the books I’ve name-dropped here today.

#books #book characters #ya books #books and literature #books and movies #bookish #reading #book lover #ya literature #ya fantasy #fantasy books #sarah j maas #sjm #holly black #cassanda clare #acotar #tsc #tcp #ve shwab #shadow and bone #six of crows #leigh bardugo #fbaa #throne of glass #acosf #the hunger games #jk rowling