#and this whole process has lowkey been confusing and messy

[delugguk]

[4] In the soop | JK

welcome to domestic, soft boyfriend, mini or not so mini jungkook in the soop episodes! ft bam

ㅡsince my mind can't stop spinning with every episode + jungkook's finery,,, I decided to do this! I'll be updating this once in a while so don't be afraid to come and check from time to time ♡.

ㅡI'm not sure how many scenarios I'll write since it really depends, this doesn't have a specific end because I can still write in the future but n-e-ways!! hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you think on my lovely ask~

WARNING: 18+ CONTENT.

pair: jungkook x reader

word count: 4.2k

warnings: smut, stand up doggy, peepee slaps pusay, it gets sticky and lowkey messy *wink wink*, creampie?😳 jungkooks so cute :( bam my beloved <3

[more episodes]

EPISODE 4. "fuck, listen to me. I wouldn't like him to wake up."

"ah.. I'm so hungry." jungkook sighed as he rubbed his naked stomach.

tattoos in full display at the very first hours of a saturday morning.

you were used to it.

finishing brushing your teeth, you meet jungkook who's now walking around the counter table cleaning up some trash from yesterday.

"Is bam sleeping now?" you murmur as you quickly approach him but not without affectionately wandering your hands around his back and waist first. It was a must.

"eung." he softly hums. turning his body around so he could have a better focus of your face as you're met with a very adorable puffy face, plump lips and a very messy hair. the way jungkook managed to still remain so pretty in the mornings was a total mystery to you but.. now that you're thinking about it, maybe he's just that gifted. sighs. he must really be, once again, the universe's favorite.

well, he doesn't have whole galaxies in his eyes for nothing, am I right?

"really, that easily?" astonished, soft horizontal wrinkles paint into your forehead as you place your chin upon his chest. "no crying this time?" you ask while pressing your fingers towards each side of his waist, thumbs caressing his skin.

..to shed some light into why you're asking these questions, jungkook doesn't like when bam wakes up earlier. if not, at the same time as him.

jungkook has been waking up extra early these days just to get everything ready for bam as soon as he wakes up. you know, being the good dad that he is. but the thing is.. that whenever he does, bam also does and it's a problem because each time bam follows him, it completely ruins his natural sleeping schedule. not only that but it also makes him develop hunger at such random hours of the night and that's... well, not very convenient for jungkook or.. you.

so like every good dad, he wants bam to rest and wake up at his designed hour. but... with the random times he gets to wake up at night, it's either because he wants to play or go to the bathroom. - jungkook and you were confused at first. asking why was the cause of this but after giving it some thought, you both realized It was because of him waking up at the same time you both did. his schedule was getting so messed up that he even started waking up alone at three or four of the morning. like how crazy is that?! - it was getting hard for the both of you because of course you also wanted to sleep well...

so because of this; you've been trying to help your boyfriend into getting bam his old sleeping schedule's back. but the process of that, mostly consisted on something like this;

jungkook putting all of his super gentle and caring energy into him, only for bam to take advantage of that, giving him those pretty light brown pleading eyes that make jungkook's heart crash every time, but because he knows he can't let his very handsome son to keep living like this collecting these bad habits, with all of his will, he needs to ignore bam's super adorable powers. - but then, that's when he starts crying and jungkook doesn't know another way other than to pretend to sleep just so he could do it too. It worked most of the time but as time passes, bam gets smarter and so he wasn't buying it as much anymore. turns out, bam just loves his dad so much he wants to be with him 24/7 so yeah.. it was also getting hard for jungkook to come up with new ideas but honestly... can you blame him?

so that's why everytime jungkook's plan or yours worked, you both always tried to stay as quiet as possible and it usually worked so it wasn't something very hard to keep butㅡthere were still some days like today where things could get a little.. let's say, complicated.

"mhm.. well," he lowly chuckles. "not that easy. I had to promise him to give him lots of snacks as soon as he wakes up this time." with a silly smile on his face.

poking fun at what he said, you take your chin off his firm naked chest. "of course you said that." followed by a playful slap to his shoulders, turning away from him. or well, trying to because jungkook doesn't let you escape that easily as he tugs your body back into his.

"hm.. where are you going?" he says in undertones, face closer to yours.

"...out?" nonplussed, you proceed to ask him, "aren't we.. making breakfast?"

"eung, you could say so." he says blandly enough, nodding his head very brightly in a unbothered manner. "but first..." just to suddenly change his whole demeanour as he takes you by the waist, pulling your body closer to his. "let me do some things." with one hand traveling down your ass. very softly, very.. delicately.

oh god.

"ohh, hell no!" you scream-whisper, trying to get out of his trap as soon as you remember bam's sleeping.

but jungkook only smiles. wrapping his super strong arms around your waist. "why not?" mumbling with his head buried onto your neck and you can swear you feel him lick his lips.

"what do you mean why not?" you blink, muttering back at him with an expressionless face. "don't you see how hard it is to put bam back to sleep? like do you really want to get through all of that again and lose aaall of your hard work?" with your palms trying to push him away but you just keep on failing. miserably.

jungkook pauses for a few seconds, only to say. "..you know what else is hard?"

but you roll your eyes. "jungkook!" slapping his muscular chest. "weren't you super hungry?"

"super horny too.." he says.. quickly. way too quickly.

you fake cry. "you're insufferable."

jungkook chuckles at that. "come on babe.." with a low tone on his voice, murmuring against your neck once again. just this time leaving slow kisses as he speaks. "I'll make it fast. I can make it fast.. we can make it-"

and you closed your eyes. he was turning you on. not only by his kisses but his hands that were now palming your ass.. "jungkook.. I really don-"

"I know baby but we can keep quiet.." he purrs as he takes one of your legs up and when he has both of them, you're already straddling his waist and It inmediately makes you feel his growing bulge. you can't help but release a gasp that he catches to hear.

slowly grinning to himself, jungkook takes you back to the counter table placing you on top of it. opening your legs as he adjusts his body in betweenㅡmaking no room for you to close them.

his hands start roaming around your soft skin, going up and down your legs as he sensually starts kissing your neck, you're trying not to let any moans out but it's kinda hard when he's touching and teasing you like this.

"can you keep quiet for me, baby?" he purrs against your ear. "or you don't think you could take it.." kisses travelling alongside your lips now. "..is that It?"

with a whisper that lingered pass your lips, you could feel the way his increased breathing drubbed on your skin. he looks irresistible and so because of that, you can't help but take the nape of his neck, leading him in onto your lips. wanting to kiss him so bad, feel him so bad..

you've once again fell into your boyfriend's dangerous trap. fuck.

but he stops, just before you start doing anything.

"If you want to kiss me, I need you to say it." he pauses. "you know how once I get to kiss your pretty lips, this won't stop here."

he lowly says with lidded eyes and you know he's right. knowing him for many years, you know how much jungkook enjoys to just.. kiss. It is something he really loves as it is very intimate for him. It turns him on like no other because he has such a strong connection with you so when he feels it.. he really feels it. very strongly.

so with him not being able to control himself whenever this happened.. you immediately knew the right answer because, damn. you were also as much as a mess, if not the same, for this.

you look deeply into his eyes, taking your lips closer to his. "I want this." then pausing, smiling a little. "very badly." placing a quick peck into his lips.

and as soon as you say that, jungkook's mouth searches for your lips and so you both start kissing very deeply. tongues clashing against each others as they move in sync, jungkook's lips travels below your jaw painting butterfly kisses all over it as his kisses and hands get needier and you can't help but open your legs wide to give him more access and closeness into your body. his hands stroking your bare legs very softly yet so needy.. it's something you loved about him.

always touching you very gently yet deadly.. you swear those little moments always made you get wet so fast.. and you're pretty sure he knows it too by the way his hands slided up your legs the same time he gingerly bits onto your skin and shoulders. a smile always formed along jungkook's face everytime a little moan escaped from your lips and for the way you seemed to clutch your hands over his big body. it makes him know just how much you also want him.

softly touching the hem of your shirt, he takes a step back pulling it off from you as you put your hands up. skin totally bare, you're only left with a cute little white panty that it actually marked how wet you were, given to its (now) transparent fabric that helped expose yourself the more you opened your legs for him to see.

"fuck.." he exhales. "no bra and a soaked panty?" he mischievously stared at you. "you must like me a lot.." he teases.

"no shit, why do you think I've been with you this long?" you found the way to fight back. but that just makes jungkook's smirk grow even more.

"Is that so?" he bites his lips as he slowly moisturizes them with his tongue.

pulling your legs by your ass so you could feel how hard his evident growing dick felt like, he wanted to tease you. cause some sort of friction because oh yeah, he was enjoying this a lot. "you make me crazy, but it seems like you want me to really lose it." he groans between your lips.

but it doesn't last long as soon as he's already leaving traces of kisses to your collabones down to your chest. - finding your cute boobs, his lips meet your very erect nipples. warm lips closing around it; licking, pulling and flicking.. his tongue went crazy with it as one of his fingers played with your clothed, still very wet clit.

you couldn't help but want more from him so what you do isㅡstart swinging your hips back and forth every time his fingers moved.

you were getting desperate and so was he.

watching you move like that made jungkook wrap his teeth against his lower lip. wanting to kiss your pretty lips once again and so that's what he does.

feeling up his body while kissing, jungkook hands weren't any different from yoursㅡthe moment getting so intense, both of your breathings deteriorated by each passed second.

so just before you could say anything to your very horny boyfriend, he said. "turn around for me." with a very deep, raspy moan that resonated through your whole body the very moment his words reached your ears.

his soft steamy kisses, burning your skin as he says so, you feel like you could explode. feeling so wanted by him. - you inmediately knew what he wanted the moment he opened his pretty mouth and to be honest? you can't fucking wait.

"are you sure?" but first, you breathe while looking down on his swollen red lipsㅡyou still want to make sure because you know how messy or loud this could get.

but jungkook doesn't respond. decided into just taking action of his desires, he kisses you one more time before making his own way to manhandle you back into putting both your legs down to turn you around. ass exposed to him, god damn it he adored this view.

"if I say I want you to turn around, that's exactly what you do, princess." he deeply purrs into your ear. sliding a hand below the fabric, gripping your bare ass with a tiny, little slap on it with his hand still lingering beneath it so he wouldn't cause too much noise.

"your heard me, baby?" he pecks your neck and you naturally arch your back into him. slightly opening your legs.

god, you just wanted your panties off right now. the urge and ache on your clit getting unbearable. you just wanted him to touch you.

noticing your little movement, jungkook chuckles to himself. but no after you start rubbing your ass against his joggers. feeling his clothed dick that way, you were actually trying to take your panties off that way.

"if you want to take this.." jungkook starts speaking while pulling the soaked fabric aside. rapidly touching your folds with his bare middle finger to then close it back again. "..off," gifting you a little slap on it that makes you actually jumpㅡhe proceeds to hug your body with his dick pressed against your ass as his head lays to your side. "just say the words, baby." purring back again into your ear with a sensual tone this time.

"fuck me-" you moan, with a plead.

"uh-uh, angel.. does aren't the words I want."

trying to move your hips back at him so you could tease his dick and hopefully calm your very pulsating cunt, jungkook is in so deep close to you that is almost impossible to move. mostly because all you have in front of you right now is this stupid table.

little did you know jungkook could actually feel the way your cunt pulsated for him everytime...

defeated, you decide to answer. "take my panties off."

"hm.." jungkook hums. "see how it wasn't so hard?" smirking afterwards.

too bad you can't see.

"shut up" it's all you say and he chuckles.

the moment he removes your white panties, his mouth is left with a gasp as he narrowed his eyes with his eyebrows furrowed and the word 'O' forming on his lips. the sight making him want to destroy you here and there as he mentally cursed himself for not going to another place to fuck you properly but he was so horny and you were so wet that the moment he pulled it off, the thread of arousal was so visible it was hard to tell where did so much liquid came from. having a fight on which thin strand could get unattached first from the cotton fabric.

"fuck, all of this for me?" he croaked, Immediately taking off his black joggers aswell. he did not had anything under it so yeah, dick was jumping the moment he took it off.

teasing your entrance felt like heaven to him. your walls feeling so soft against his length, dick getting soaked so easily.. he swears he could die by how heavily turned on you make him feel. "my fucking demon is always so ready for me." he rasps, giving a few consecutive slaps to your clit with the tip of his bare dick. "guess you'll always want me as much as I always want you huh?" keeping sliding his hard dick between your folds, slowly. teasing to enter but it never does. he was insane.

"don't get too loud, okay?" he stated with a kiss to your neck.

grabbing your waist with one hand he squeezes you very gently to let you know he will penetrate your slit now.

the moment he does, you try hard not to moan letting out a loud sigh instead. legs already shaking, you were waiting for this so bad and like as if it wasn't possible, you also started to get more wet with strands of arousal dropping down your thighs and jungkook wasn't even fully in yet.

yeah, it's been 7 days of you without having sex. It was about time.

"agh- shit. relax baby, you're squeezing me so hard."

"eugn- s-sorry babe, I- I just-" you lean on the counter. chest plastered on it.

"I know angel. open your legs a little more for me hm? I promise I'll give it to you good." he murmurs while taking your ass back into him making you yelp.

"sshh baby, bam.." he warns you.

"I know-" you mutter back to him.

jungkook starts fucking you with slow strokes. noisy, wet strokes and you can't move for the way his hands are grasping into your hips. - pressing both your legs together now, jungkook thrusts into you as you feel him so full and deep inside of you. your back couldn't stop arching to him, your moans were slowly increasing the moment jungkook started heightening his speed. It wasn't much of him going fast, but more like going hard. the way your pussy sounded everytime he slammed his hips towards you turned you on even more, he feels so good, so hard, so big.. fuck. he was truly perfect.

"fuck- baby, can't you keep quiet?" he groans while taking your torso up to him, covering your neck with one of his hands, arching your back, placing your head onto his shoulders, perky nipples bouncing as he tries to play with them with his other hand and one of your legs resting on top of the counter as you could feel the way his balls slapped against your clit as he pounded into you.

"maybe if you weren't fucking me like this I'll wouldn't be making so much noise to wake up bam." you manage to say.

"as if you weren't loving it." he responds with a hard thrust and a mischievous look on his face.

"can't fucking deny It." you moan back at him. pushing your chest back into the counter so you could move with him.

jungkook's so horny he also moans but it's still not so loud for likeㅡto wake up bam and to be honest at this point, you just wished bam was having a good ass sleep given to how horny the both of you were because it was also getting harder and harder to keep quiet.

grabbing both your buttocks, jungkook opens them up just so he could watch the way your pussy swallowed his juicy dick and indeed, you were taking him so well..

"pussy so good, fuck. I'm in love with you." he exhales and that makes you breathlessly chuckle, he was just saying whatever at this point even thought that was.. very much true.

"fuck.." he hisses. "best fucking pussy in the world." too far too gone, jungkook whispers to himself.

"I'm gonna fucking cum if you keep fucking me back, princess." he forewarn you.

"then do it." but you love to dare him.

"hmm.." he groans. "I really don't want to." he cries.

"then why do you sound so desperate?" you tease, turning your head back glancing at him with a smug face when you know damn well you shouldn't because he can't do anything about it and because jungkook tends to get almost insane when you get like this.

so if you continued.. you're afraid bam will definitely wake up.

so for your.. pussy safesty and bam's sweet dreams, you stop your teasing games (for today) and start moving back for him. still wanting to make him cum.

"come on baby.. don't you want to cum inside of me? hm?" you moan with a very needy tone. the one that makes him weak.

"fuck. stop it right now." he pants.

"huh? you said this will be quick and I really can't stand being in silence anymore." you cry and this time you mean it as in youㅡnot trying to provoke him. "all I want is you cumming hard in me." you continue as your hips push back at him everytime he slammed back into you. "d-don't you want it?"

"you know well I fucking do."

and with that, jungkook takes your leg off the counter, pressing both your legs together again as your cunt tightens around his dick and suddenly your whole world started spinning.

fingers grasping the counter's edges, he pounded on you hard and messy, his big dick glistening, his mouth slightly biting your shoulders connected with sloppy kisses everytime he got closer to you. - your legs were almost floating above the counter with each one of his thrusts, one better than the other.. your stomach and core carrying all of the weight and it's all because of your tight grip.

your moans were starting to sound loud so jungkook wraps a hand around your mouth, shutting them off.

"I'm gounna cium." you mumble against his palm but jungkook surely understands. giving you just what you want.

"shit, shit-" jungkook starts hissing as soon as you do with your walls pulsating around his hard dick. he cums too and he cums hard.

his cum makes a mess round your hole as he keeps thrusting passing throught the euphoric feelings.

pulling out, a waterfall of cum falls down your thighs and jungkook lazily smiles to himself.

both feeling completely out of breath, go one by one in order to clean up. cringing at the sticky feeling once you both were cold enough. - when you're still on the bathroom, jungkook uses this moment to check up on bam, finding him soundly sleeping like the angel he is. jungkook endearingly smiles to himself.

"I can't believe we did it." jungkook whispers as soon as he approaches you.

"huh?" you hum, drying up your face. "what'd you said?"

"bam." jungkook smiles, taking you onto his arms. "he didn't wake up." pinching both of your cheeks very gently.

"really?" you gasp. "we.." then pause. "oh my god we are so good?" crunching your nose, you inmediately laugh. taking care of still not doing it so loud.

jungkook follows your laugh while rolling his eyes.

"you're so silly." he stated as he softy flicked your forehead.

"hey! why are you like this!"

"because I love you."

"ha! I know." you laugh. "you just fucked me before eating first. can you believe that?" you tease him. "like when in all occasions have you ever denied food over a good fuck?"

jungkook rolls his eyes once again, faking being annoyed as he searched for his sandals.

"for that exact same reason." he says. "you are that good fuck. my one and only." he grins, glancing up at your face as he signals you to follow him.

and you do. "you didn't had to get all cheesy now..." you bleat.

he laughs. "why? are you embarrased, huh?" sliding your arms around your chest as he back hugs you walking towards the glass door.

as you don't respond back, he leaves a quick peck to your cheek, before opening the door. "come on, let me make you something delicious." holding your hand.

"suddenly?" you say, entralacing fingers.

"eung." he quickly nods his head. "at the end of the day, you're still one of my best clients when it comes to my food." with a bright smile on his face.

"just one?" you tease, arching one eyebrow. "who's the other one?"

"myself." and he laughs to himself.

you swear you could never take him seriously. but even when he said lame things like these.. you still loved him very much and it's just.. that if he wasn't like this, you wouldnt think you'll be as in love as you are of him.

so that's why you punch his chest. "now you're the silly one."

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #jungkook smut #jungkook drabble #jungkook fluff #jungkook series #jungkook fanfics #jungkook imagines #jungkook scenarios #jungkook x reader #jungkook aus #jungkook angst #jungkook imagine #bts #bangtan #bts smut #bts drabbles #bts drabble #bts series #jungkook serie #bts fluff #bts fanfics #bts x reader #bts imagines #bts scenarios

[chocolatemilksmoothie]

O Titan, Where Art Thou

aka pain, confusion, dread, and ultimately, hope. I felt like this episode ended so fast but also it had a LOT going on huh, this'll be long

King's strange dream seems to take place in that weird in between. Interesting that Luz was able to make it in there, kinda, through the unfinished door

Looks like the Collector is trapped there, in that weird orb thingy

remembering from Hollow Mind, to me who's trapped beneath these bones hmm how does the Titan's body connect to this place?

And he doesn't seem to have noticed the weird connection created between them and King back when he lit the Round Boi on fire (yes I'll keep calling it that, sue me). they were surprised to hear someone else there

He sounded so desperate... I won't be alone, don't leave, come back. huh, how long you been there you little chaos goblin?

(EDIT because I wonder if the Round Boi being a reflective surface is connected to Luz being able to see through mirrors/glass when she was in there)

god, poor King. he's supposed to grow to a gigantic size, and how long does a titan even live??? will he outlive everyone. depressing thoughts, too much, he is just a little kid why must we hurt him

Luz and King are siblings!!! she is concerned about him!!

HELP THEY LOOK SO COOL AJSKDA LILITH

I want all of these posters on my wall asap

"I still haven't recovered from that tea party, ugh" amazing callback, Hooty you absolute menace

heartbreaking to see the Owl House all broken and messy. Well, messier than usual

Loving Lily's winter look work it girl

I support putting snorse glue in Belos' shampoo!

"someone had to bury our bones" LILITH NO

Perfect merch opportunity

everyone's got a lot to process, especially King. wait til they remember the titan blood oh boy

oh Lily, once again trying to treat King like some deity. I think by the end she understood but old habits die hard

"I'm a god's aunt!" her dialogue is killing me this episode I swear

Luz wants to get him his bunny back Imma go cry

I liked the parallel of Eda lying to Luz, wanting to keep her safe but ultimately harming her and their relationship, and Raine doing the same to Eda. thank god we had honesty at the end

"I wanna go on a heist" "of course you do"

"I'd kill for you. please ask me to kill for you" _ Lilith at King, probably

"wouldn't you rather have a beach day?" "maybe if we had time for 20 more adventures, but we don't!" (oh man it's almost like our 20 episodes third season was unexpectedly shortened to just 3 specials so now we get no time for beach filler episodes, DISNEY)

everyone ominously marching to the Head *shudders*

obsessed with the shitty bootleg coven scout uniforms

STEVE MY BELOVED

why is he lowkey cool as hell. chillest dude ever. the voice of reason. wisest man alive. questioning authority and his beliefs. shoulder pats for Steve

Steve and King bonding on a soul searching motorcycle adventure helping people all over the Isles was not what I expected but it is what I NEEDED

Hooty consistently being Lilith's common sense is the funniest thing ever

I'm cackling

and he made a little origami demon with the pages later he is perfect

bro he is just a little kid who wanted to know where he came from and have his Owl Family meet his Demon Family don't touch me

Helihooty? Hootycopter? whatever

I too, cry when I see old sapphics in love, Steve

"this. is for my kids" GOD

and Raine has such a kind heart too, and they're a quick thinker!

no YOU look like a pile of compost, Terra!

this whole part was heartbreaking. Eda just wants them to get away, to be safe, she doesn't care what happens to her and has no plan to stop the Day of Unity from happening, and Luz is so sad and feels betrayed, after all they've been through, after how much she's grown, she refuses to give up without a fight

shout out to the acting, the music, the boarding, the colors, the everything this whole episode

remembering season 1 King wanting to be seen as a huge powerful demon and now it terrifies him, he has grown a lot. poor little guy

STEVE FACE REVEAL oh I love his design he is just a Guy with a gentle face and a mismatched horn. best boy

"hey girl, I've been there. I can recommend a good therapist" I love him your honor

also therapy coven confirmed? is it a branch of the healing coven? lmao

also also maybe give the therapist contact to uh. everyone else too. they need it

help him

I support Darius insulting Alador any chance he gets because his abomatrons keep hurting my children

"please try not to bite anybody" reluctant dad energy

Raine meeting Luz made me extremely happy thanks for the serotonin Owl Crew

I ADORE this Raine-Darius friendship they are so funny. gay on gay violence (affectionate)

"I'm starting to think I wasn't very good at my job" I think you were probably better than Kiki if that's any consolation

"PLEASE tell me you have a cool rebel name!" my brain immediately: " gasp, the LGBTs"

PLEASE MORE DARIUS AND RAINE SCENES. BESTIES

EVERYTHING'S COME FULL CIRCLE BABEY YEAAAAAHH

so many callbacks this episode we really are in the endgame now

Hopefully next week the Hexside team can reunite with the CATS (meowmeow!!) so we can all work together in the season finale

Also I'd like for Darius to have an honest chat with Hunter about the previous guard...

THE PALISTROM WOOD I love Eda so much

so by next week we will get to see Luz's palisman at last. I suspected she'd carve it during this season

I think a bat is still my favorite option at the moment. Amity already has a cat so I don't think they'd repeat that, and a bat is not a bird but can fly, she is a Clawthorne but also comes from somewhere else, she is between worlds!

a snake and a bird are also popular guesses. whatever it is, can't wait to see! and learn their name of course

Wonderful episode, packed with feelings, character relationships and plot development. it really hit me hard that we don't have a lot of the Owl House left... let's enjoy what we can together

#toh #toh spoilers #the owl house #the owl house spoilers #king clawthorne #luz noceda #eda the owl lady #edalyn clawthorne #lilith clawthorne #steve toh #darius toh #raine whispers #hooty #belos #long post #toh analysis #the collector #the ending was very soft

[rainycabride]

i would actually prefer taylor to get her masters back than have her continue the re-records

#is this an unpopular opinion #i appreciate the re-recordings because i know they're necessary #but it kinda bums me out because i just wish she could leave her past in the past? #and this whole process has lowkey been confusing and messy #but whatever she chooses to do at this time i'll support cause like it's her music and her career ofc

[i-need-air]

Oh-- I really really -really- liked your wolf hybrid Bakugou and-- if you don't mind, can you do one on Kirishima? Just the general headcanons, if this is too bothersome then you can ignore this once again- thank you

Just general headcanons you say? Okay, I had this written 2k words in before I got this ask and now it's at... ehem, let me take a deep breath for this;

Word count: 3.5k 💀 [of HCs 💀💀💀]

Why do I keep doing this to myself aksdjkd I love Kiri so much, my god! Thanks for the ask!! 💗

[ Masterlist ]

Hybrid!AU Kirishima Eijirou HCs

× i mentioned him as a dog hybrid and we're sticking with it because it just feels right, yano? anyway!

× you found out about how the new hybrid shelter in your city helped bust a fighting ring

× which was horrifying to think about

× one of your friends explained the process to you and you were definitely interested in helping someone out

× shelters were still underfunded and didn't provide much to help the hybrids adapt to society

× so you found yourself in front of the shelter without a plan

× just a dream and a spare couch that could thankfully convert into a bed

× before you could chicken out you stormed through the doors like a mad person, catching the attention of the guards and the front desk man

× it surprised you how disinterested they were though; were they seriously the people that dismantled a whole illegal fighting ring?

× they called a sweet old lady to accompany you

× when you explained your situation her eyes sparkled, looking you up and down and nodding her head

× she took you through some hallways, showing you around the precinct, questioning you about what type of hybrid you'd want

× to which you honestly didn't know how to respond, like anyone you could help????

× it kinda pissed you off how she spoke about the hybrids like they were pets, suggesting you'd get a kitty or a bunny, since [her words] they were low maintenance

× is this really a good shelter?

× you looked around, finding prison like cells left and right, some with people that looked at you curiously, some covering from your glance

× they were locked in...

× some growling could be heard far away but the woman shook her head at you, disapproving gaze turned to the side as she took you further into the building

× another room, this time cells were bigger, a few occupied, yet covered from you, indiferent and uninterested

× a man was sitting on the edge of the bed, hands in his hair

× "Kirishima, boy, get up to greet someone"

× his red eyes snapped up, whatever he was thinking about slowly forgotten

× he blinked curiously as you hugged your frame, feeling uncomfortable, even ashamed to be there

× but a sweet smile took over his features

× "Hey! I'm Kirishima Eijirou!"

× it's really all it took for you to grow fond of him; he got up and came closer to the entrance of the cell and introduced himself in such easy-going manner you forgot about everything and anything

× he calmed you with his presence, even if it was very disheveled, with old ripped clothes and hair messy, painted red with obvious dark roots showing

× he had a black fluffy tail waving slowly behind him too

× you introduce yourself with his encouragement and mumbled how you wanted to help someone out today

× he just smiled at you, taking you in

× let me tell you something about dog hybrids: they can sense emotions and intentions so Kiri would be a very good judge of character and he really, genuinely took a liking on you

× the problem is how the fuck do you say out loud that you wanted to help him out

× because you sure as hell weren't going to say you'd adopt him; he's not a child? we're talking about a grown ass man here? literally looked like 6'4ft/1.95m?????

× it was so shameful, your gut turned as you cursed society and he sensed it, expression changing, falling a little as he saw you look very out of place

× "Hey, hey, everything's gonna be fine!" he said

× he told YOU that

× instead of YOU telling HIM those words;;; you almost burst into ugly crying, forgetting about everything else, your minuscule problems or shame or whatever and just nodded at him

× "Would you like to come home with me, Kirishima?" you said, ignoring the happy clapping the old lady was doing, watching carefully how his expression, clear as water, switched from easy-going and reassuring to shocked then hopeful

× "I'd like that" he breathed out "—a lot."

× as you went out the lady was telling him it was a shame they separated his group of friends, something about being sent to different shelters, how he had to be a good boy, to behave, yada-yada and seriously;;; he was taking it so lightheartedly, as if he was so used to this behavior or even was thankful for it?

× it was starting to get annoying, specially when they gave you a collar for him, like no fucking thanks, but you'd take care of it later

× since it was very random and unplanned, you were making mental gymnastics to figure out what to get and what to do first, like clothes, food—

× journey home was pleasant as he walked close to you, asking you questions about yourself with a gentle smile on his features

× meanwhile people got out of both your ways because he was intimidating and big and large but his smile screamed sunshine

× all while he never really mentioned anything about himself

× you made a point to ask him if he was hungry, to grab a quick bite at any restaurant you could get at then go buy some clothes and necessities

× you were so casual and this guy was so shocked

× i swear, looks at you blinking stupidly then ✨beams✨

× spoiler alert; big boy was hungry

× it didn't matter honestly, just seeing him eat without a worry [even if everyone at the restaurant was wary of him but got a stink eye from you] was a relief

× since you answered his questions about you, you decided to ask some about him; you were going to be roomies soon so might as well get to know each other

× shocked again

× stops mid-bite when you ask him something and stares wide-eyed

× doesn't answer but you can see he wants to and you're confused??

× "did I—... did I say something wrong?" you'd press, scared you'd spook him away or something

× he just gulps down and looks ashamed

× casually tells you they've been told at the shelter owners don't care about them

× 🙃 say what now bby?

× he kinda starts apologizing because he understands why you wouldn't wanna know and you put your hand on his; kinda mutes him for a second

× "Kirishima, we're gonna live together and hopefully be friends in the process, right? I'd like to know about you, as much as you're willing to tell me"

× [ falls in love right then and there ]

× he's met humans before, many actually—

× even in the short weeks he's been at the shelter he's seen people come and go and none talked to him like you did

× stares with stars in his eyes and chuckles awkwardly, blush on his face

× "You're really nice, [Y/N]" he said before eagerly answering your questions; course, it leaves you confused lmfao but you brush past it

× okay! shopping next, long story short it was very hard to find hybrid clothes for his size so you pick to change human clothes and adjust them for him

× as you again mention this stuff casually he's just awestruck

× when you got home, bags in hand, you were explaining to him how you really didn't have much; you were working to get a promotion soon but for now you had a couch that could open up into a very comfy bed, which he assured you it was enough

× you were lowkey unsure if he fit it because like i mentioned, big boi is big

× he does! so that's a relief but you started considering giving him your bed; you mostly fell asleep on the couch anyway and to be fair, it was really comfortable and you mention it as he looks around

× his head snaps at you, wide eyed, yet does not talk

× so you ramble bc that's something fun to do! "I mean I went to the shelter without a plan and uh, I want you to feel as comfortable as possible and maybe the bed is a better fit and—"

× Kirishima Eijirou sees: 💕💞💕💞💕💞💕

× has never been treated like this, like he's an... equal... something he'll take months to share with you, but we're getting ahead of ourselves

× the thing is this boy will fall pretty hard pretty fast, but will definitely take time to make a move

× bc he is respectful

× so he thanks you for the offer and tells you it's probably the best place he slept in all his life

× can your heart stop breaking for him? i mean it's a good couch but it's no luxury hotel bed???

× [ we need to pause, OP made herself sad ]

× ok, so he's really helpful around the house, and he knows how to cook!

× takes no time to talk about his friends, special his best friend that cooked for everyone at the fighting ring and forced them all to help and that's how he was pretty decent at cooking himself

× wasn't the best though, but followed instructions like a boss

× he lives for your compliments

× literally his tail wiggles with no shame

× seriously;; tell him he did a good job even at the dumbest thing and—

× puffs chest

× wiggle-wiggle

× "Thanks!"

× 🥺💕💞 make him stop, he's so cute

× did i mention he has like floppy black ears? Omg his earsssssssssshnnngggggggggg

× because they move whenever he walks and they're mesmerizing

× and one day that you're observing them for science [not because your heart was like 💘pom-pom💘] you noticed his roots

× remember when your heart broke for him? hah, have some more because as you asked him, he started telling you that he was pushed into dying his hair red for the spectacle, diversity and what-not

× reassured you he grew to love it now, being part of who he is

× also gets a little bit shy when adding he wouldn't want to change the color in hopes of finding his friends someday and for him to be easily recognizable

× you bought him hair dye that same day

× WHICH! apart from gaining extra 🥺💕💞 from him, it created a nice routine between you two!!

× you offered to dye his hair and it was such a great time; he made you laugh, conversation going just as easy whenever you talked, you got to know each other a little bit more and—

× heh

× at the end, after applying all the red hair dye, you massaged his scalp gently

× guess who melts in your hands? yes, giant ass dog-man melts into a puddle under your hands and it's the cutest fucking thing you've ever seen

× I'm serious, he sighs and leans into your gloved hands with zero [0] shame, eyes closed and peaceful expression on his features apart from a small smile

× you tease him and he laughs it off, but promise him you'd give him head scratches when he was finished with the dye, washed off and hair dry

× and you better deliver

× "Don't think I forgot!" he'd say as he'd hop on his make-shift bed in the living room by your side, tail moving from side to side

× as you start playing with his locks, he falls into your lap and starts snoring

× move an inch and he opens his eyes to look at you confused

× puppy eyes questioning you if you're leaving 🥺

× yep, you fall asleep together

× you point out to yourself that those puppy eyes will be the death of you

× he's a touchy guy, okay? since he's been touchy with you from the very start you never questioned it, even read on the internet that many hybrids descended from house pets need physical affection, like hugs, pats, scratches, all the bag, so it wasn't a big deal for you

× except it was a big deal because he's been around for a month and you're already catching feelings and that's bad because you did not bring him there to fall for him but to help him start a new life and—

× oh my god, what if he thought you were one of those people from the horror stories about hybrid adoption that only wanted them for one thing—

× no, no, no, nO, NO.

× anxiety was getting to you as the guilt of catching feelings for him, plus the fact that he was financially dependant on you for the time which would've made it even worse if he found out, PLUS he comes from such a rough life, he definitely needs a break and doesn't need his first human friend in forever to be a piece of;;;

× Kiri catches on this really constant and increasing feeling of anxiety; he starts to send you worried glances but doesn't know how to proceed

× in such a soft voice he asks if you're okay, if something is on your mind

× and since you weren't sharing anything but acted as if everything was alright even when he felt you lied, Kiri started to get worried too

× why were you anxious? why weren't you talking to him about it?

× oh, god, was he a burden? because he felt like one;;; did you want him out? he felt like an extra weight for you and wanted to do something about it but maybe you got sick of him? he felt unmanly...

× the fact that he knew he cared about you as more than just a friend made him even more anxious and it didn't help that whenever he touched you he heard your breath hitch or your heart beating louder; he got his hopes up then down because

× you smelled like people; people he didn't know, people he wanted to know because he needed to know why did you smell like them? were they a treat? were they potential partners? he really did not want to ask bc Kirishima felt like it wasn't his place to know

× as tension grew in the house you decided to gift him a new phone, ready to give him some news that reached your ears

× it seems Kiri himself liked to do sports and mainly jog to keep himself active and he's started to pass by the local dog-park to play with the dogs

× imagine your surprise when a few neighbors asked you if he'd be willing to train their dogs bc he's been teaching them stuff like once a week and the dogs listened

× big time dog whisperer; he says "Sit" to one dog and all dogs in the neighborhood sit too, you get me?

× so you said it would be nice for him to have his own money; not like you didn't help him without care, but you saw his face every time you bought something for him and really felt like he needed some real independence

× he's in ✨awe✨ because you came up with clients already that were very eager for dog training sessions, which he loved??? and suggested hours, wages??????

× and you gave him this new phone to help him with it if he's interested too?

× "Well, the normal price on the internet around the area is—"

× "[Y/N]."

× "Hmm?"

× "You're really amazing, you know that, right?" he'd have his lips curled into a sweet smile

× which makes your heart go crazy and this man notices how you get flustered

× loves it

× get ready for compliments; a lot of compliments just expecting your sweet flustered reactions

× he's slow at realizing your feelings for him because he beats himself down and seems himself as less of a man but tests the waters nonetheless and a d o r e s every time you struggle to thank him for said compliments and don't know how to continue functioning

× catches on and gets his hopes up

× and so you do

× listen, this is hilarious because you're both dumb idiots and want to be respectful towards the other meanwhile he hugs you tighter and for a little bit too long, loving how you melt into him, kisses you on the cheek and sees you get all flustered, looks at you like you're the only one to ever matter until you stop talking, turning everything into a giant mess of silence until you both grin at each other???? I'm getting second-hand embarrassment, just kiss???????

× and it happened with an accidental kiss

× you greeted him as he walked through the door, excited to tell him about your promotion, rambling about the take-out you ordered while he smiled at you

× and it started to be usual for you to greet him with a kiss on the cheek, right? just what normal roomies do, you know [mhmm~]

× he's taking his shoes off and knows the kiss is coming, but just before you press it on his cheek you whisper/squeal "I got the promotion!" to which he turns his head in surprise at you making your lips press together by accident [mhhhmmmmm~~~]

× cue both of you apologizing, looking like a mess

× he's blushing

× you both loved it

× why are you standing so close to each other?

× why did he lick his lips in daze while staring at yours?

× which one of you was leaning in for another kiss?

× it didn't really matter because he's kissing you slowly, taking you into his arms like you were made of porcelain

× glues his body to yours and breathes you in, lips locked, neither believing it was real

× lifts you up in his arms with no difficulty and smiles, both inches separated from another; "Congratulations..." his breath would fan over your face;;;;

× yeah, okay, he takes no time to confess, resulting in a mess of manly words skdjekldj you guys talked that whole night while cuddling and stealing kisses, you on his lap

× [ his nose brushing your neck; he loves your scent omg ]

× it becomes official pretty much instantly and then all your worries wash away

× all the anxiety, all the stress and overthinking, they've all been sorted out in one night and trust me, afterwards this man is pure honesty and loyalty

× he won't hesitate to talk to you about anything and will be such a patient sweetheart with you, listening to every word you say without judgment

× loves cheesy stuff? as in the most cliché stuff seen in movies? that's his shit right there; whenever you two see each other after some time apart [sometimes 5 minutes apart] he'd pick you in his arms and spin you around, then expect you to kiss him

× if you don't, i will skfjdkfk step aside 👀

× skin contact; please, touch him

× if you're not he sends you those famous puppy eyes and we all know they're killer

× sighs, happy to hold you tight against him, engulfing you into his big frame; yeah, you're where you belong, in his arms.

× everyone in the neighborhood loves him; it's ridiculous, seriously, because you find out he helped around all the time when you were at work and gained everyone's love

× makes an instagram account to teach people how to train their dog and becomes an internet sensation, a small celebrity

× also bc he's hot and sometimes posts working out pics

× skdksjs imagine this: makes dinner for both of you, lits up some candles, goes all in, then fucking posts it on ig saying "waiting for my baby to come home #surprise" forgetting you can see it lmfao

× you see the story on your way home and 🥺💞 "ye i love his oblivious ass"

× soft gasps when you tell him after dinner

× has the audacity to be surprised, like babe????

× Kaminari finds him through social media and this baby cries in relief for a good half an hour

× both team up to find all the gang

× guess who talks praises about you all the time? mhm, this guy right here is proud to have you

× and Denki has to deal with it;

× anywho! want to break him for good? tell him you love him for the first time

× GETS. SO. EXCITED. AND. EMOTIONAL.

× but forgets how to speak

× finds his words to say it back after staring at you entranced, grinning like an idiot, taking you in his arms and giving you a bone crushing hug while shaking in place

× he's never felt this loved and adores every second of it

× you're like a drug and he's deep gone, man

× tells you he loves you every single day

#kirishima eijirou x reader #kirishima x reader #boku no hero academia #bnha #mha #noire writes #hybrid!au #hybrid!kirishima #kirishima headcanons #does anyone remember kirishima saying pompom? cuz it's been on my mind for hours and i love it

[princeanxious]

Part One; “A Wounded Snake Lies Still”

A continuation fic in the au i built from this art piece I did and this post that I’d written that inspired this whole idea. I don’t know how many parts there will be, but the plan is for it to be hurt/comfort? It’s just that the comfort comes in small increments, but I promise the ending will be happy!

Fandom: Thomas Sanders Sides

Ships: mentions of past healthy Anxceit, start of story begins w/ analogical, end goal is analoceit! Side royality, Remus is lowkey Aro.

Minor Trigger Warnings: in no particular order.. brief mentions of painful memory loss, brief food mention, Remus and Deceit as sympathetic characters in general, accidental revealing of a secret-Remus feeling awful about it and Deceit being completely forgiving on it. Deceit being sorta selfish but also being very selfless without realize it. Deceit lying when he speaks/ backwards talk.

Serious Trigger Warnings: (slight spoilers) Deceit ignores his own distress in favor of keeping up a nonchalant act around the others, and doesn’t process his inner emotions in a healthy way. Deceit repressing years of his own resurfacing emotional trauma that originally came from his separation from Virgil, Deceit also briefly relives said trauma in the fic and pretends nothing is wrong even though something Really Is. Patton has minor empath abilities in this au and accidentally gets hit with a ride of very negative emotions that Deceit is already internally feeling when he touches Deceit.

(Let me know if I need to tag something else!)

Summary: Virgil’s missing memories have always been a touchy subject. After Remus and Deceit gain their acceptance of from the Light Sides and Thomas, Deceit still seems to have a few secrets to hide. If you asked him, he’d tell you it was for the best that he kept them. Partially concealing the truth was a slippery slope, indeed. But, could you really blame him? When Virgil was dating Logan and finally seemed happy again? To him, All the repression of his own trauma was worth Virgil’s happiness. Their years of love were lost with Virgil’s memories of the past, and there was no way in hell Deceit was about to jeopardize Virgil’s current stability now, not when the only person at fault for losing was Deceit himself.(or, was it? He’s never sure anymore. Trauma is a fickle beast.) Well, one slip up from Remus is all it takes before Deceit finds himself faced with that exact dilema fast approaching, and he finds he is less than prepared to face the music..

[[MORE]]

“Ugh, gross. In front of my deodorant?? Could you guys like. Not?? Be romance-y in the living room?? You two remind me of when Dee and Virgie were dating.” Remus grumbled offhandedly, too tired to deal with his twin’s particularly loud and loving attention directed towards Thomas’s literal representation of the heart this late into the afternoon.

They’d been loudly and shamelessly flirting back and forth from across the room while everyone set up for movie night, Roman in the living room with the others and Patton in the kitchen with Deceit making snacks. It was only seconds later that the duke realized his slip up as everything and everyone around clattered to a halt, the other sides turning stare at him in confusion.

Three years. It had taken Deceit three long, painstaking years and counting to distance himself from the years of memories he’d spent in bliss, to separate his mind from the heartbreak of losing his only love. Three years to come to terms with the fact that his only love now held no memories of the time they spent together, to accept that his love now deeply loved another.

Three years to come to terms with the fact that Virgil would never know what it was like to watch helplessly as his love writhed in pain. To watch as The Line ripped the memories from his love’s very being, forcing Virgil into a clean slate. Three years to come to terms that Virgil would never remember.

Three years of patience and heartbreak and anguish and lies, telling himself that it’d be okay, telling himself that he would move on and heal eventually. Three years of painstakingly separating himself from the narrative he and Virgil used to share, and ensuring that Virgil never had any inkling to what had been of his past. It was the only secret Deceit ever asked Remus to keep.

Rest assured, he’d tried to respark Virgil’s memories many times in the first few months after Virgil crossed over The Line from Dark side to Light, having ultimately crossed for good. It’d only led to fight after fight, driving a wedge further and further between them with each escalated argument. With a bleeding heart, he’d eventually given in, and stopped any further attempts. After all, each attempt only seemed to fuel Virgil with irritation. It had been clear then, that whatever they’d had, was never going to be again.

Three years it’d been. He thought he’d nearly healed, really. Most days he found he could exist and interact with the others and not be reminded of the past, and be comforted that he himself would not be a reminder to the past. Repression had always been his strong suit, though, conciously or not.

The Line had diminished as of late, after Thomas had really begun accepting Deceit and Remus. They could cross The Line for long amounts of time now, and mostly be fine. Occasionally they suffered from a bout of fatigue when disagreements with the others briefly turned sour, feeling The Line tugging back at them insistently. It never lasted for long, but there was always that underlying worry that The Line would finally snap them back into the dark for good if one of them made a final wrong move. The Light Sides didn’t know about The Line, not even Virgil remembered stumbling away from it after all that had happened. And well, if it were up to Deceit? They would never find out about it. Too many questions, too many messy answers.

Three years later, Deceit finds his heart splintering once more, an ache sinking into his chest that he knows Patton feels as they stand nearby one another. Memories flood in harshly, a deep painful longing resurging from the depths of his mind as it always did when faced with his reoccurring trauma sinking its claws into his psyche.

It’s only been seconds, but the silence is starting to feel heavy. Instead of moving on from the previous comment, Remus glances to Deceit, eyes pleading and devastated by having made his mistake, breaking the only promise to Dee he’d ever been seriously asked to keep. And Deceit knows he must do what he does best to save face, there is still time to redirect the carnage.

“Remus, please don’t refrain from spreading lies, that’s certainly not my job, after all.” He teases lightly, keeping his tone precisely on the edge of amused confusion, though his eyes hold an understanding none of the others know to read for. “Next you won’t be telling me that your favorite animal is a squid, not an octopus. Not your worst try at shock humor, yes?”

Remus catches on after a millisecond, drawing out a full cackle. “Sorry, not sorry! You should’ve seen the looks on your faces though! Priceless!! Who knew a shitty joke falling so flat would shock everyone so good!”

Their reactions held the desired effect. Quickly, everyone around the room seemed to relax, Roman even firing back his own playful quip to further lighten the mood. In the end, it was just a bump in conversation, something Remus caused every once in a while as everyone adjusted and Remus learned. Not a single step amiss that wasn’t already expectedly out of line.

Still, he’d have to talk to Remus in private later. Remus was just as sensitive to rejection as Roman was, and paired with his inherently intrusive thoughts, it would come to no surprise if Remus already thought Deceit now hated him. He didn’t, it’d been an accident, and Remus’s first ever slip up in three years since making the promise. Even if Dee had been mad about the slip up, he wouldn’t have had any right to be. He’d be sure Remus was the first person he sought to soothe when they got a free moment alone, it wasn’t right to let those kinds of thoughts fester.

Remus first, Virgil next, as it wasn’t quite crisis averted. He could feel Virgil’s eyes on his back from the living room. He denied his bleeding heart the closure of meeting Virgil’s gaze, of sharing his expression. He was too vulnerable, even now the anxious side could read his tells far too well, often without even realizing why. There was no doubt Virgil would try and talk to him later about it, and no matter how good the terms they were on with each other now were, Deceit knew the conversation would be a rough one. Virgil knows he has missing memories, and only recently had he accepted Remus and Deceit’s vague answers when he’d asked lightly about his past. It was at least him acknowledging they had the answers to the past he doesn’t remember.

If he wasn’t careful, each and every brick in the wall that Deceit had carefully worked to build up in the past three years could crumble right before his eyes, leaving him stripped emotionally defenseless, his trauma bared for all to see. And who knew what the others would do if they knew so much? What would they think of him then? Deceit inwardly shivered at the thought. It would not come to that.

Slipping into the nonchalant act was an easy card to play, it being his strong suit and most comforting form of security, a version of his own little lie of omission to soothe the bumpy situation over.

What he didn’t account for, was Patton gently reaching to touch his arm when everyone else had settled and their attentions returned to their tasks at hand. Deceit fought against his immediate urge to pull away, knowing the moral side just preferred connection through touch when addressing another, and instead looked up to meet Patton with a questioning gaze.

Whatever Patton was about to say died on his lips as he suddenly seemed to reflect an absolutely heartbroken expression, tears welling up in his eyes. Pain and sorrow and surprise seemed to seep into the other’s expression, warring for dominance amongst the primary confusion. It was only then that Deceit realized that Patton was still touching him, his bare arm with an equally bare hand, to be exact. The memory that Patton bore minor empath abilities that were tied into his existence as the representation of Thomas’s morality and feelings sunk in two seconds too late.

Direct skin to skin contact, something Deceit sought often to avoid in general nowadays anyway, was a direct way for Patton to tune into another's current feelings through said abilities, often by accident. There were limits that Patton could control, of course, and Patton only ever seemed to struggle coping with that ability when faced with an overwhelming swell of emotions from the other side. And, well.. Deceit’s mind certainly hadn’t taken well to being reminded of his repressed past, seeping through his protective mental walls with all sorts of roiling negative emotions.

From self-loathing, to dread. From anger, to guilt. From longing, to grief, then to depression, and finally apathy. It just couldn’t be helped that Deceit, a master of disguise and deception, had had three whole years to perfect the act that hid it from the outside and controlled it all from within.

Carefully, Deceit pulled Patton’s hand from his arm, and gently tucked it against the moral side’s chest. Still, he keeps his gloved hand there, letting Patton grasp it with both hands to ground himself after such an emotional ride.

“Deep breaths, dear Patton. Whatever isn’t the matter?” He asks gently, still playing into his act but his eyes plead a different story. ‘Not now,’ they say, ‘I will tell you, but not here,’ they beg. Patton nods slowly, and Deceit carefully wipes away Patton tears. In a move he knows he might regret later if it raises questions, he slips his hat off to gently plop onto the moral side’s head, and gently presses against the others clothed shoulder with his own in a show of comforting affection. It has the desired effect of distracting Patton and lightening his mood, Patton’s lingering upset masked by a watery smile only they can share. Deceit silently mourns the loss of his safety blanket, but accepts that a few minutes of feeling vulnerable while comforting Patton is a good trade to escape having his distress found out. He couldn’t have the other sides cornering him into explaining why Patton had suddenly begun crying without reason. It certainly wasn’t the fact that he felt guilty for Patton having experienced second hand an echo of his painfully raw emotions, no, not at all.

Thankfully their little scene goes unnoticed by the rest of the preoccupied sides, who are far too busy bickering over the movies they want to watch. Well, unnoticed by all but the one who sits to the side. Said side keeps an unconcerned but intrigued eye on the two in the kitchen, glancing over every time he adjusts his glasses to avoid suspicion. Logan says nothing, but knows he has questions for his dearest Virgil when movie night is over. He can only hope that the answers Virgil gives will not raise more questions.

(..Unfortunately, they do raise more questions than answers.. However, they now know exactly who has the answers they seek. It’s only a matter of getting those answers that is a task far harder than they’d ever expected it to be.)

To be continued..

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #anxceit #past anxceit #tw angst #tw negative thoughts #tw trauma #tw past trauma #tw memory loss #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #tw cursing #eventual hurt/comfort #luka writes #luka’s aus #luka’s fics #tw emotional repression #tw emotional trauma #please let me know if i need to tag anything else

[moonchildsaurora]

The Racer who chased supernovas

»»—— Crew Member #7 of Space Pirates ATEEZ ——««

all aboard The Perihelion, welcome to the co-pilot’s log system! here you’ll be able to access the crew’s profiles should you wish to read about their journeys: (no nsfw content)

[CAPTAIN] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8]

“your wings have always existed, all you have to do is fly and fly high for the winds will be at your command”  

the other individual that you could pick out from a crowd, especially by his high-pitched laughter

full of charisma and a youthful soul, he attracts all kinds of attention and has trouble reigning in his recklessness at times

Wooyoung is an Alxil-Rolgrie mix who survived on his own in the lower district of Liyutania, the other member of The Perihelion who didn’t really know the meaning of family until his path crossed with the others

[database file: Rolgries are very much human-like beings, only distinguishing features are their strikingly light-coloured hair (that comes in shades of ivory, lilac, silver and/or coral), heterochromatic eyes and slightly translucent pale skin. This is due to their inherent ability to camouflage with their surroundings, like a chameleon, if they so wish to. Alxils are a nomadic sub-group of Dark Elves, preferring to keep to themselves. Having darker hair along with a more ash-grey skin, glowing red eyes and defined elongated ears]

Wooyoung seemingly took on more of his Rolgrie heritage in terms of physical appearance & ability. His hair is of a lilac-coral mix (that resembles the hues of sunset as Yeosang once said), an indigo-coloured left eye & violet-coloured right eye, slight translucent ash skin and the Alxil elongated ears

his camouflaging ability came to him since his youngling years though he didn’t really master it until his adolescence. Used to need all the concentration he could muster just to hold a full blend or to make sure it was the correct blend in the first place but now he could hide his entire self easily with his eyes closed

this has proven to be extremely beneficial for him to make his way around town undetected and a free-‘get-me-out-of-this-mess’-pass

though Yeosang made him pinky promise not to use that during their childhood games of hide-and-seek because he knows Woo would cheat to win

“I would never!”

“…you literally have been standing there all this time and I’ve just walked past you at least 10 rounds making me look like an idiot”

“gotta admit that was pretty fun-OW OK OK!!”

the lower district community did look out for Wooyoung, knowing that the cheeky kid meant well and he was just trying to get through each day at a time

sometimes one of the more empathetic merchants would allow Wooyoung to sleep on a spare rug under their tents, other times young Wooyoung would be lucky enough to find unoccupied shelter on his own to stay the night. Elderly food vendors would drop off extra scraps to make sure he wasn’t going to bed on an empty stomach at least

has had a few rough run-ins with the Uppers that caused him to be defensive by instinct and personally biased towards their aloof, ignorant nature although his view significantly changed after meeting Yeosang

initially he thought the young half-Suva was an oddball because why would an Upper remotely be interested in knowing his name, least of all saving him from face-planting on the ground too?

the warmth he felt on that day was by far something foreign for him to feel especially after how Yeosang complimented his appearance and shared his oshiadilla bun. With the meekest “thank you” Wooyoung marked that day as friendship achievement unlocked

when Yeosang spontaneously invited him over for dinner Wooyoung spent majority of his time just gawking and taking in the sight of the Kangs’ residence, too afraid to touch anything in case he’d accidentally broke it, “is that really a golden fountain in the middle of your courtyard?!”

young Wooyoung got terribly confused as to why there were so many forks, spoons and knives for one person to use at the dining table too

he became a constant around the residence so much so that the Kangs adopted him and it took him a good whole month just to process the fact that he was now a part of a family, he belonged somewhere – Wooyoung would never trade anything in the galaxy for this

the first time Yeosang ever saw Wooyoung cry was when his parents surprised them with their new school uniforms and supplies. His mother helped fitted their uniforms, embracing both her sons closely afterwards and all Wooyoung could think in that moment was damn did it feel good to have a mother’s embrace

it also felt really good to receive Yeosang hugs too, not really knowing just how touch starved he was

academic studies wasn’t really his thing but he did try his best, being street smart was more up his alley, “no matter! Education is important and everyone should have an opportunity for it, so long as you come home knowing something you didn’t know the day before,” were the encouraging words his adoptive parents would give

he holds high respect for Yeosang’s intellect and wouldn’t shy from proclaiming loudly & proudly, “THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND AND OLDER BROTHER!” whenever Yeosang did his thing in the classroom even though he’d earn a forehead flick from a flustered Yeo most of the time afterwards

Yeosang may not be as openly affectionate as Wooyoung is nor show that he actually cares in an obvious manner, but he did make it crystal clear just how important Wooyoung is to him after punching a classmate who had nothing better to do than rudely reiterate the differences between Wooyoung’s ‘kind’ and the rest of them

from that day on Wooyoung swore to have Yeosang’s back, just as much as he had his. He almost cried out of fright that Yeosang had put himself and his reputation on the line to protect him. Ended up crying in bed at the overwhelming gratitude that he felt from receiving the amount of love that he himself still wasn’t sure if he deserved

“don’t you dare think otherwise, and besides the only one who’s allowed to roast you as per sibling’s obligations is me”

before Wooyoung joined The Perihelion as Hongjoong’s fighter/main gunner, he was the up and coming Drifters Arena’s rookie champion in podracing

as a youngling he’s snuck into the Arena a couple of times to watch the races and it wasn’t till years later, for a birthday treat did he return to the Arena (this time purchasing a ticket properly, courtesy of his family). Wooyoung not only found his passion in flying but seem to have a natural flow for it too

he learnt the basics and started practising with the other rookies by having casual races. Effectively catching the attention of a previous retired champion, Redline, who saw potential in Wooyoung albeit his messy improvised manoeuvres and technique solely based on instinct when in race mode

Wooyoung had to get Yeosang to slap him just so he could tell that he wasn’t dreaming when Redline asked if he’d be interested to train under his guidance

“IS THIS THE REAL LIFE OR IS THIS JUST FANTASY?”

“stop being such a drama queen! He’s right there you know?”

more yelling ensued when Redline set Wooyoung up with his very own podracer, a second-hand from the mechanics but reliable enough to still function decently. Over time with his winnings Wooyoung was able to spend it on extra parts and resources to spruce up his beloved baby; Aurora (yes he was very proud of the name he came up with for his podracer)

‘Little Speedstar’ was the nickname that Redline gave him but Wooyoung wouldn’t have it because, “I’M NOT THAT LITTLE”

“no you’re just vertically challenged that or gravity is just against you” Yeosang would snicker in lowkey

to say that it’s stressful watching a podrace would be an understatement according to Yeosang (anything goes in a podrace and racers aren’t conservatives when it comes to playing dirty at times), but it gave him nothing short of pride and joy watching Wooyoung effortlessly dance through the skies and be the first racer to cross the finish line

Wooyoung loved and appreciated seeing Yeosang amongst the crowd, it was a grounding factor for him before every race. What wasn’t a normal occurrence for him though was seeing his best friend being manhandled by an odd bunch of strangers

with post-race adrenaline kicking in and the need to protect strong he didn’t think twice about yelling at the group and power stomping towards them, not stopping even when he thought, “well damn, hello gorgeous” as San stepped defensively in front of Mingi to shield Wooyoung’s attempted swipe at him to get Yeosang back

fortunately over time more trust was established and their bonds were less of a rocky road, if anything Mingi empathised the most with Wooyoung for having similar backgrounds and lack of family in their early years of their lives

the other combo package deal that Hongjoong got with Wooyoung and Yeosang officially joining the crew

Wooyoung adapted fairly well to his new nomadic lifestyle and just when he thought his world couldn’t have grown any bigger, it did; now his family extending to that of the crew (he still dislikes being sent to Hongjoong’s room and will always complain to Seonghwa because, “I’m your favourite son right?”)  

San became his go-to whenever he needed to fill his daily quota of affection  

the party don’t start till him and Mingi walks in, drinking buddies along with Jongho (Wooyoung has a very soft spot for the youngest) & Yunho. Is openly smug about the fact that he’s got one of the best alcohol tolerance on board

when Jongho installed blasters onto Aurora, Wooyoung had dubbed it the glo-up of the century. Not only could he fly to scout/retrieve/act as a distraction but he could f i g h t now – he could make things explode (chaos levels have increased)

accidentally became the other half of the reason as to why Hongjoong banned any sexytimes on the ship and a sensitive content blocker feature was added in the Yunhogizers after Wooyoung sent a spicy photo to the group chat instead of his private fling

“Mother did NOT raise you this way”

major pouting over having bro privileges revoked but he’s been cooped up making a dozen new starcatchers for Yeosang and also has hijacked Seonghwa’s kitchen to surprise cook dinner for the crew as an apology literally wrestled a Grandu [database file: equivalent to a giant crab, a food delicacy] into the pot to boil and learnt that cutting onions truly is the demise of every being

all in all never forget (1) Wooyoung loves his family, very much (2) anyone who messes with them is sure to become target practice for him                                         

(moodboard made with love, by @s1ardusk​ ♡)

#ateez headcanons #atzinc #aurorateeznet #atinyforatiny #pirate ateez #pirate ateez au #ateez au #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #jung wooyoung #ateez wooyoung #ateez drabbles #ateez writing #ateez fic #Perihelion Crew #pyx writes

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Right back at ya, same-ask-buddy!! *does a pew pew pew sound* If Runaan escaped and made it back to the Silvergrove first, how would Callum and Rayla’s trio have gone down?

Hmmmm, a good question! I’d always pictured Runaan heading straight for Rayla. But what if he didn’t? Maybe… maybe Gren busts him out and he does go galloping after Rayla–on Gren’s horse, hair flying, in a shirt borrowed from Gren-- “no you keep it, I insist!”, but he loses her at the docks, stows away on another ship, and ends up arriving in Xadia ahead of her.

Okay this got ridiculously long and entertaining, so thank you very much!

Runaan’s lotus would never have sunk, and Ethari would have been overjoyed to see him return, even in his injured and bedraggled state. And they’d both be frantic over Rayla.

I have a headcanon that the six lotuses make that pinging noise not only to indicate life, but so the elves who were bespelled can actually locate each other, exactly like Rayla did on the castle battlements. She ran out there, paused, there was a ping, and then she said, “You’re here, I know you are.” and there was another ping when Runaan yelled from inside the coin but let’s not think about how he was trying to reach out to Rayla nope

So I’d imagine that Runaan would pack his and Ethari’s mounts with gear and go back for Rayla and Callum (and, he assumes, Ezran). Maybe time for a fresh shirt, absolutely time for a couple new swords from his hubby’s wall, but no time for hair brushing, that mane’s gonna be wild and messy this whole ride. He’d find her back across the Moonstone Path.after Callum connected to the Sky arcanum, after he used dark magic. Both of those things would land hard on Runaan. And so would seeing baby Zym!

Rayla would absolutely stand between Callum and Runaan with her swords out. “I can do this all day,” she’d sass him. “But I’ve got a mission. I’ll ask you one last time, Runaan. Please, help me. But if you won’t, then please stay out of my way.”

And Runaan gets softly distracted by the way Zym is clinging to Callum in worry. Runaan the assassin is scaring the Dragon Prince. So he puts his swords down. “Very well, Rayla. I’ll escort you to the Queen of the Dragons.” A longsuffering sigh. “And the human. And then he’s going back across the border.”

Rayla’s feeling protective, though. “Let’s let Zubeia decide that.”

Another sigh. “That’s fair. Now come. We have a long journey ahead.”

Rayla sees he still has one binding on, and she asks Zym if he can help Runaan the way he helped her. Runaan is shocked when Rayla holds the Dragon Prince up to the white binding, and the little dragon pulls it free with his baby teeth. “There is more than one way to release, Runaan,” she says kindly.

And Runaan takes a moment to be totally thrown off his game. This is not the hard, cold world he’s used to. But he buries his confusion and thanks Zym for his help. I bet he smiles, too, and bows, and Zym licks his nose, startling him and making Rayla laugh.

So Runaan rides his Moonstrider–perfectly and with exquisite control–while Callum sits behind Rayla–way behind Rayla, trying not to touch her at all–on the Shadowpaw. Zym perches anywhere he can on the Shadowpaw or its riders. He doesn’t ride behind Runaan.

Callum’s got to be struggling with the dichotomy of who Runaan is. He knows Runaan killed Harrow. But here he is being softer, off his mission.

The border is another unpleasant surprise: Callum’s use of dark magic means that Sol Regem won’t let him pass. Runaan’s willing to let Callum live and return home, but Rayla insists that the quest will mean so much more if Callum’s a part of it when they reach Zubeia. Runaan quietly disagrees, but Rayla says she’s not leaving him, so Runaan can once again get out of her way or help.

Runaan’s not used to this kind of leadership-level defiance from her. But her plan is sound, so he offers to help, to make sure it goes smoothly. Naturally, he ends up dancing across Sol Regem’s crown to throw off the sunbirds and their alarm cries, and distract the dragon at some critical point. Once they’re safe on the other side, though, he insists on bath time for the stinky human. Sits on a rock overlooking the little pool where Callum’s washing off. Doesn’t make the slightest attempt at conversation.Does manage to chuckle wryly at Callum’s suggestion that Runaan should go guard Rayla at her own pool, as if she needed Runaan’s help to stay safe.

Back at the Silvergrove, Runaan and Rayla dance to open the village illusion, while Callum has to stay to the side with Zym and watch. It took Rayla a whole day to convince Runaan to let Callum into the Silvergrove at all, and Callum tipped the argument by offering to go blindfolded the rest of the way. Runaan tied his scarf over his eyes and let Rayla make sure he didn’t fall off the Shadowpaw and die or anything.

The Silvergrove is still in a bit of uproar over the assassins’ deaths, and seeing a human in the village doesn’t calm things down. Runaan is put in the position of having to glare them into silence, defending Callum, and that makes him grumpier. But Rayla’s so happy! She’s home, and she gets to show it to Callum.

They all get Moonberry Surprise, and Ethari gets to explain what he knows about the Dragon Queen dying, and to take care of his family and see to their needs. He can’t stop touching Runaan, to prove to himself that he’s okay, back home safe. And he keeps hugging Rayla. Runaan won’t thank Callum for saving Rayla with dark magic. But Ethari does thank him for looking out for her the whole way here.

There is no “two blankets or just one” here. Runaan balks at the idea of letting Callum inside at all but Ethari tsks at him and says he’ll take care of it. He makes Callum a nice toasty hammock that hangs near the forge and keeps him toasty warm.

Runaan is in a much better mood the next morning. Ethari put in a lot of effort to relax and encourage him, because he knew what Runaan was going to do next: take Rayla and Callum and Zym to the Storm Spire. And he does. He seems a little baffled that he cares this much, but he’s doing it for Rayla, and Ethari insists it’s the right thing to do, and that he’s the perfect elf to make sure they get there safely.

All packed up, they head out the next morning. Runaan’s his usual stoic self, leading the way. And Ethari has given him his own pendant to wear. Callum is bursting with questions as he rides behind Rayla, and she answers him with her usual teasing sass. Hearing her voice, how easily she converses with the human, both soothes and worries Runaan. Knowing he’s got his arm back thanks to Zym is giving him a lot to think about, too. He’s basically using this part of the trip to process his feels, just like Rayla did in canon.

Ethari still shoots his lighthawk arrow, and Nyx intercepts it. But Ethari, tricky elf, doesn’t mention Runaan in his note, so Nyx doesn’t expect an assassin to be guarding the kids she’s come to mislead and rob. She smartens up at the tip of his blade, while Rayla elbows Callum and winks as if to say “Watch this.”

Negotiations ensue and an accord is swiftly reached, in which Nyx will lead them across the Midnight Desert, and if she doesn’t try anything clever, she’ll be rewarded on the far side. She agrees readily, and they set out. Runaan stays up all night at the oasis, so Nyx never tries to steal Zym. 

Rayla and Callum still have a midnight chat, but it doesn’t start with her tears. She has both her dads and she was never ghosted. What’s weighing on her heart is whether she can live up to Runaan’s expectations now that she’s let him down once. She’s afraid he’s going to disown her or something. That he thinks she needs shepherding across Xadia like she can’t get there herself. She feels like he’s treating her like a child.

Callum sees something else. But he’s not comfortable talking about it because it paints Runaan in a much kinder light than he’s used to. He sees a stabby dad trying to make up for dragging Rayla onto a terrible mission, by helping her with her own, by trying to ensure that it goes well. He sees Runaan being protective and very very lowkey apologetic. But he’s not ready to allow Runaan to have that side yet. He ends up talking about Harrow for a couple of hours, and Rayla listens. 

Runaan has to choose between keeping an eye on Nyx and keeping an eye on Rayla. He chooses Nyx. So he misses the part where Rayla kisses Callum and then glances over worriedly to see if Runaan was watching.

Runaan’s pretty exhausted the next sunrise as the ambler carries them across the desert, and the moment he’s out, Rayla and Callum grin and look at each other like they’re about to kiss again. And Nyx takes Zym and makes a beeline for the far side of the desert. Callum and Rayla yell after her. Runaan wakes and grabs his bow. His arrow finds Nyx’s wing before Zym can zap her. She still tumbles into the sand, and Runaan’s not interested in picking her up again. He’s woken up very grumpy. But while Zym returns to Callum, Rayla goes after Nyx and rescues her. Runaan isn’t really on board with her plan, but he does pot shot soulfang serpents from the ambler’s saddle to give Rayla enough room to reach Nyx safely and bring her back. Callum’s too worried about Rayla to really think about how easily Runaan can kill stuff.

Callum totally does his “Because she’s Rayla” speech right in front of Runaan. He’s just as flabbergasted as she is, because he knows just as well as Rayla what open feelings mean among Moonshadows. He doesn’t expect Callum to know that, but he knows Rayla knows. And she’s letting Callum keep talking.

“Rayla.” They both jump when he calls her name. But he just wants to talk. So, like the Moonshadow warriors they are, they climb way up the ambler’s neck, leaving Callum behind, and talk. Rayla shows Runaan how she sees Callum: brave, warm, a team player, skilled with primal magic, willing to do foolhardy things for the right reasons. And then she spins that, not onto herself, but onto Ethari and Runaan both. It’s her “I like him because he’s like you” speech. Runaan doesn’t see a single iota of Callum in himself. But he does see some of Ethari. And that gives him a lot of pause. He needs some time to think, so he tries to buy it by saying, “Don’t trust him yet.”

Rayla just sasses back, “Oh, it’s way too late for that, Runaan. He’s saved my life four times already.”

They cross the desert and Nyx cheekily demands her reward. Runaan gives her a raised eyebrow of judgment. “You said if I led you across the desert and didn’t try anything clever,” she says, “I’d be rewarded. And,” she adds, holding out her hand for payment, “I think we can all agree that I wasn’t very clever just then.” She tosses a sassy wink in with her grin.

Runaan just stares at her. Then he pulls one of his arrows from its quiver, snaps it in half, and hands it to her. “No one will buy that from you, so don’t try.”

“What’s it good for, then? A busted arrow.”

“A broken Moonshadow assassin arrow means your justice will come later. Try to live long enough to appreciate it.”

The group travels to the Storm Spire, and Ezran and Phoe-Phoe find them there. Runaan hangs back from Ezran, but he’s very distracted by Phoe-Phoe’s tranformation and her feather. He wants to ask Rayla about the Moon Nexus, but now isn’t the time. And this all happens in Avizandum’s shadow, making everyone feel very uncomfortable. Callum says his speech about how the statue makes him feel, and he says it loudly enough for Runaan to hear on purpose. Rayla holds his hand and stands with him. Runaan eyes Avizandum, then he looks back at the kids. He never intended to get this soft, but it’s Callum who’s letting him. It’s getting harder not to respect the young prince, because he does have so many traits that Runaan admires about his husband. But there’s a heavy shadow that lies between them, and it can’t ever be lifted.

Runaan takes the mounts up the Spire behind the kids. Ezran and Callum revive them with Ventus Spiralis. Runaan looks at Callum speculatively–he could’ve just let him suffocate. Callum just says, “We’ll need everyone together on this.” Because yes, it’s one thing to return to the Dragon Queen with an elf and a human bearing Zym safely. It’s another to return in the company of the assassin sent out to take Harrow.

But Zubeia isn’t awake, and soon Ibis sees the human army is coming. He flies off for help, and Runaan and Rayla find themselves where Lain and Tiadrin were, in the egg chamber. And then Runaan tells her what he saw in Viren’s coins. “Lain and Tiadrin didn’t run, Rayla. Viren took them, and he still has them. We were wrong.”

Callum defends the base of the Spire, and Runaan, surprisingly, joins him, leaving Rayla to stand where her parents stood. He just offers Callum a tolerant look when he steps out beside him, arrow nocked on his bowstring.

“Fighting to protect who you love?” Callum asks quietly.

Runaan pauses. “Always.”

Callum sketches a Fulminis rune. “Same here.”

And they fight side by side. Runaan keeps Callum safe. Callum keeps Runaan safe. It doesn’t resolve much. But it’s a start in the direction of forgiveness and trust. 

And then after the battle, Ezran tells them that Viren’s sneaked up top after Zym. Runaan and Callum dash up the stairs, with Runaan pulling Callum by his coat half the way.

They reach the top in time to see Viren toss Rayla back, her swords flying. Runaan pushes Callum toward Rayla. “Stop her. He’s mine.”

Callum gasps as he sees Rayla gathering herself for a run at Viren. He leaps after her, spurred by desperate love, and tackles her into his arms on the steps of the Pinnacle. “Rayla,stop, you’ll die, you can’t! Don’t leave me. I need you.”

The words tumble out, but a shadow flickers past them, and they both look up in time to see Runaan tackle Viren off the cliff.

“No!” Rayla and Callum both yell. They scramble up, pick up a frightened and hurt Zym, and stare down into the clouds. 

“I can save him, I can save him,” Callum’s mumbling. “I can do the wing spell, I know I can.”

“Look!” Rayla points down into the clouds. Something’s circling. Then a dark red shape bursts up into the setting sunlight, spirals, and lands back on the Pinnacle beside them. Runaan lets the shadowhawk spell dissipate and holds up the pendant chain, now empty of its moon opal. 

“Love really does give you wings,” he says. He rests a hand on each of their shoulders, sees Viren’s fallen relic staff. “You’re the mage, Callum. You should look after that staff. Perhaps we can find a good use for it.”

And with one hand, he holds up a little pouch that he pickpocketed from Viren on the way down and jingles it. “Right, Rayla?”

#asks #theredhairedmonkey #rayla #callum #runaan #ethari #zym #zubeia #ibis #nyx #viren #runaan escapes au #tdp #tdp au

[star-anise]

hi, mentally ill undergrad psych student here. i know you posted about this like...a while ago, but on the subject of C-PTSD vs GAD, how do you differentiate between the two? can you have both, or can the constant stress of severe GAD be traumatic enough to cause C-PTSD? like if a kid has severe anxiety, but becomes more focused on certain subjects/events and shows signs of trauma after encountering those subjects/events, would that just be their GAD or could that contribute to C-PTSD?

Hey! Congratulations, you’ve hit on the actual reason Developmental Trauma Disorder (C-PTSD) didn’t get included in the DSM 5. Because like, when you start to really look at it, isn’t everything a little bit to do with developmental trauma? DTD turned into this giant amorphous black hole of diagnoses, sucking in everything that came too close. 

Here’s one of my earlier posts about this: Childhood trauma doesn’t have to be dramatic to leave an impact; it’s not experiencing extraordinary events nearly as much as being marinated in an environment of toxic stress.

Trying to differentiate between different diagnoses in a person begins to be like looking at a Monet painting up close. All the data starts to turn into total static, you lose sight of the bigger picture, and it starts to reveal the actual nature of diagnosis.

Psychological diagnosis is, at this point in time, extremely fuzzy and subjective. I mean, it’s science, but it’s science that’s only 75% of the way there. It’s not like when you x-ray someone’s leg and go, “Yup, that bone’s broken.” We’ve noticed these symptoms often occur together, so we group them together in syndromes,. They’re grouped together based on statistical occurrence, possible causation, and what seems clinically useful. ”Depression” is like “headache”; a headache is a sore head, but it could be caused by any number of things–a concussion, a hangover, muscle tension, migraine, or brain tumour. Depression is also probably several different distinct underlying causes grouped together by subjective experience, and in the next 50 years we’ll slowly peel them apart.

Added to this, inter-rater reliability has always been pretty low for psychological diagnosis. If you ask ten different competent clinicians to diagnose the same person, between four and eight of them will generally agree that it’s one thing, while the others will disagree and think it’s something else. The lenses that we see a problem through are many and varied.

So to some degree, especially in complex cases, clinicians ask other questions than simply “What does this look most like?” We also ask

For what purpose will this diagnosis be used?

Will certain diagnoses open this person up to stigma and prejudicial treatment, or will they help advocate for deeper understanding and better treatment?

Who is going to see this diagnosis? Will they have the knowledge required to fully understand what it means?

Does this diagnosis provide clarity in understanding someone’s issues, or confuse it?

Will this diagnosis lead to the most suitable treatment for this person?

Talking about specifics below:

So if it isn’t clear by now: Yes, lifelong GAD and C-PTSD are absolutely things that can exist at the same time or be one another or camouflage as one another or.... yeah. That’s a thing. And a lot of the time it subjectively comes down to which diagnostic perspective works for you, and becomes something you and your treatment providers figure out through discussion and trial and error.

From one perspective, C-PTSD is an incredibly messy and frustrating diagnosis because it’s an incredibly diverse one–there are thousands of possible combinations of symptoms. The odds of two people with C-PTSD resembling each other are actually pretty low; there’s a lot of variation in how people cope, and often different C-PTSD methods of coping are night-and-day different from person to person, or within one person over time.

From another perspective, C-PTSD is a very clarifying diagnosis because it pulls a lot of symptoms from a lot of different places together and provides a solid theoretical framework on which to base treatment. It can take what was a nonstandard eating disorder, sleep disorder, learning disorder, mood disorder, and behaviour disorder, and spin them together into one coherent story about a brain that didn’t learn how to regulate itself during childhood.

So the real question is: For you, what happens to you and your treatment providers when you view your problems as lifelong GAD, as opposed to C-PTSD? Does it make you feel like you have a deeper understanding of what’s going on with you? Does one or the other communicate what’s going on with you more effectively to the people you see for treatment? Does one or the other suggest new treatment pathways or ways of improving your life? Which gets better results for you?

What helps you see the whole picture?

(I personally adjust how I report my issues depending on who I’m speaking to. From one perspective, I have a nonstandard brain, a lowkey shitty childhood, and congenital birth deformities; from another, I have depression, anxiety, some other stuff I forget, sensory processing disorder, fibromyalgia, and a bunch of physical shit.  I find the short holistic version useful to give to my mental and physical health treatment providers before diving into details, but when speaking with the general public, I parcel the information out disorder by disorder on a need-to-know basis, partly because as soon as you say you have PTSD, an appalling number of people say, “Oh, what from?”)

#staranise original #therapisting #trauma #toxic stress #answered asks #rebootkirk

[nothesc]

Need a partner? - Yousana AU. Chapter 1

Based on this post

Chapter 1

“You’re doing great” she hears him saying.

Sana looks up from her feet to his face. She takes a few seconds to take him in. His beautiful brown eyes, his bandana failing to keep his messy hair away from them, and his smile, his perfect smile that makes her stomach do a complete back flip. She then looks down at their hands, their fingers intertwined. A small smile appears in her lips as she asks herself a question: how did she end up in this situation?

  A few minutes earlier.

 “Vilde!” Sana says as she reaches her friend after pushing her way through the crowd.

“Sana! You came!” Vilde gives her friend a big hug before returning to where she was standing next to Magnus.

“I thought you were going to be alone and that’s why you wanted me to come.” Sana says looking at her friend and her boyfriend confused.

“You’re here for moral support, Magnus is here for dancing support. There are completely different things. Unless you want to dance too of course, then I won’t have anyone for moral support ‘cause Eva is with Noora and Chris is with that guy he met at that party”

“I’m not dancing…wait, which guy? Which party?” Sana asks. She doesn’t remember her friend mentioning any guy. Then again, she hasn’t seen her since Thursday and it’s Sunday morning.

“Friday’s party, you weren’t there ‘cause you had that family thing, remember?”

Sana does remember. Her aunt and uncle had come to visit and she and Elias had to stay at home instead of going out, not that Sana was that keen on going to that party anyway.

“She met this super cute boy and I think they’re hooking up.” Vilde continues explaining. “Anyway, since you’re not here to dance then you’re here for moral support, right?”

“I guess?” Sana says not very convinced.

Vilde has been talking about this flashmob thing for two weeks now. The goal is to promote the mall they’re at and every person that takes part in it gets a discount in some stores. There was no way Vilde wasn’t taking part in it. She had invited Sana to join her in her rehearsals but every single time Sana had refused to, she’s no dancer. In the end Vilde changed her mind about Sana as a dancing partner and decided that she should be her cheerleader or something, “moral supporter” is how she called it, but Sana knew that all that Vilde wanted was to know that someone was there for her so Sana just couldn’t say no.

“Okay people, we start in 10!” They hear one of the guys in charge of the whole thing say.

“I think I should better get going over there.” Sana tells Vilde trying to look for a spot where she can watch the flashmob without getting involved.

“He said there are still 10 minutes left, you can stay with us for a while…” Vilde starts saying but she’s interrupted by the same guy that talked just a few seconds before.

“Everyone to their spots, we’re filming in three, two, one…action!”

Sana’s head snaps to Vilde looking at her with wide eyes.

“I guess he meant 10 seconds?” Vilde bites her lip as the music, I feel it coming by The Weeknd, starts.

“Vilde! What am I going to do?”.

“Dance?”

Sana doesn’t get to yell at her that she is in no way dancing because Vilde quickly turns around and starts the dance routine that apparently everyone except Sana knows. She tries to get out of there but everywhere she turns there someone dancing and it doesn’t seem like they’re stopping anytime soon. Sana knows they’re being filmed and she just hopes the camera isn’t on her now, it’s embarrassing enough the fact that she’s standing still in the middle of a flashmob, the last thing she needs is to have a tv spot to remind her.

“Sana, dance!” She hears Vilde whispering at some point.

She takes a deep breath and gives herself a pep talk. Being a mess dancing is better than standing still, right? She’s not sure of it but still, she starts following people’s dance moves. They’re not that difficult but by the time Sana has learnt one they’ve already changed to another one. Then it happens. As the songs reaches the second verse Sana sees everyone turning to their sides and taking someone’s hand. It takes a few seconds for Sana to process that everyone is choosing a partner to dance with. Now she gets what Vilde meant by ‘dancing support’ when she was talking about Magnus. Of course the flashmob had a duet part, of course she’s the only one alone. She looks around for either a partner or a way out, but she doesn’t find any of those things. Once again she’s standing still in the middle of the flashmob while everyone is dancing. She feels like she’s been standing there for minutes when actually it has been only a few seconds so no one has noticed that she’s not moving, no one except the guy that suddenly is standing right in front of her with a smile on his face.

“Need a partner?” He asks as he offers his hand to her.

Sana hesitates. It’s bad enough that she’s embarrassing herself, she doesn’t need to embarrass anyone else.

“I don’t know the moves.” She admits looking at the floor.

“Just follow my lead.” He insists.

Sana looks up at him and suddenly all the doubts leave her mind. He really seems like he wants to help her and for some reason she feels like she can trust him. Before she can really realize what’s happening, she takes his hand and follows his moves. He clearly knows what he’s doing, the way he moves to the rhythm of the music feels natural, like he’s been dancing for a lot of time. It only makes Sana feel a little more embarrassed by her lack of dancing skills.

“You’re doing great” she hears him saying

 “No I’m not” she says laughing.

For a moment, Yousef can’t hear the music, he can only hear her laugh. As the music comes to an end and he puts his hands on her waist as the choreography said, he can feel his heart beating faster, and it’s definitely not because of the physical effort. It’s because of this girl, this beautiful girl he has in his arms right now. Having her this close gives him the opportunity to look at her properly. She has the most beautiful eyes he’s ever seen. When she smiles at him, a perfect smile, her dimples showing are enough to make his legs go weak.

As he smiles back at her and takes in the moment he asks himself a question: “how did he end up in this situation?”

  A few hours earlier

 “You really aren’t coming?” Yousef asks his friend on the phone as he chooses his outfit for that morning.

“I told you, I’m meeting Isak.”

“But you’re always meeting Isak, Even. Can’t you meet him later? I know you love dancing, come with me to the flashmob, it’ll be fun.” Yousef tries to convince his friend

“I really can’t Yousef. Why don’t you ask Mutta?” Even asks. It’s not that he doesn’t want to go the mall with Yousef, but he rather spend the morning with his boyfriend if he’s being honest.

“He’s with that girl he met at the Nissen party you took us last Friday.”

“Huh? Which girl? Where was I when that happened?” Even can’t remember seeing his friend talking to any girl at that party, then again it’s not like he had been paying much attention.

“You were making out with your boyfriend somewhere, as always.”

“Oh, don’t be jealous Yousef, you know I still love you.” Even jokes and if he could see him right now, he’d wink at him. “So who’s this girl? Maybe I know her.”

“Uhm I don’t really know…she’s called Christina I think…Chris…beautiful eyes, really pretty…interesting choice of outfit.”

“Oh yes I know her, she must be Chris. She’s friends with Isak’s biology partner, you know the girl I always tell you about.”

“Even come on, don’t start again, please.” Yousef says rolling his eyes. Ever since Even started dating Isak, he’s been talking nonstop about some friend of Isak he thinks is perfect for Yousef. Then again, Even has spent his life trying –and failing- to find a perfect girl for Yousef. And it’s not like he doesn’t appreciate the effort but he really doesn’t want to be with a girl like that. He’s a romantic, he thinks that the girl of his dreams will randomly walk into his life, there’s no need to force it.

“I’m just saying, she’s beautiful, strong, smart and she has a big heart. You’d love her.”

“What I’d love is for you to come with me to the flashmob. But okay, go be with your boyfriend, I’ll go alone…it’s fine…”

“Okay, have fun! Bye!” Even says clearly not falling for Yousef’s act and hanging up the phone.

 When he arrives to the mall, the place where they’re going to do the dance routine is already filled with people. He looks around and sees almost everyone talking in groups. He knows there’s a part of the dance that is in pairs and he has no partner so Yousef was lowkey hoping that someone would be alone as he is. As the music starts he forgets about that issue and decides to dance and try to solve that problem later. But he can’t quite concentrate on the choreography though, someone catches his attention. There’s a girl just a few meters from her and she’s standing still, not dancing, not doing anything, just looking around with a scared look in her face. After a few seconds she starts moving but only to try to get out of the crowd. Yousef finds himself frowning at that. Why would she be there if she didn’t want to dance? Now that he’s thinking about it, he might have seen her before the music started, talking to a boy and a girl who are now dancing. The only explanation Yousef can find is that the girl was not here to dance but somehow she found herself in the middle of the flashmob. His theory is confirmed when the girl tries to follow everyone’s moves and fails completely. He can’t help but laugh at the scene, it’s amusingly cute. As the second verse of the song starts and it’s time to find your partner, Yousef can literally see her panicking. She clearly didn’t know that and looks around trying to find a solution. It occurs to Yousef that maybe he can be her solution and she can be his solution. Trying not to bother anyone around him he walks over to her and offers his hand.

“Need a partner?” he asks

“I don’t know the moves” She looks at the floor as if she’s embarrassed. Yousef can’t help but feel bad about her, he doesn’t want her to feel like that.

“Just follow my lead” He insists.

When she looks up, Yousef’s heart skips a beat. Sure, he knew she was pretty from afar, but seeing her now, she takes his breath away.

  --x--

It takes him a few seconds to realize that his hands are still on her waist after the song ends and everyone is clapping their hands cheerfully.

It takes her a few seconds to realize that she’s still holding onto his arms when the music stops and he takes a step backwards to let go of her.

“Sorry” both of them say at the same time, causing them to smile shyly at each other.

“Thank you” Sana says “You really saved me there.”

“You did great” Yousef assures her. She really did. Yes, maybe she was a little bit lost at first but she soon learnt all the moves and followed his lead.

“I wasn’t planning on dancing.” Sana admits looking at the floor.

“Yeah, I noticed.” She snaps his head up at his words. He quickly explains himself. “I mean I saw you standing there not moving, I assumed you had found yourself in the middle of the crowd.”

“That’s…exactly what happened.” Sana laughs before continuing. “I was here with my friend and her boyfriend and I thought I had more time to get out but well, the music started out of nowhere and I didn’t know what to do.”

“Well, again, you did great.”

For a moment they just stare into each other’s eyes, no words are needed. Sana can feel her heart beating fast in her chest. She could blame it on the fact that she was dancing a minute ago but she would only be lying to herself. This guy, whoever he is, has that effect on her.

“So…what about you?” she asks trying to collect herself “You didn’t have any better dance partner?”

“Well, my friend bailed on me so I came alone. But I think I found the best partner I could’ve asked for.” Yousef says and it’s not until he sees her blushing that he fully realizes what he’s said. He should learn to think before talking. He just met this girl and he’s already being awkward around her.

“So…” She starts

“So…”  He repeats. “What are you going to…?”

“Sana!!” a girl voice interrupts Yousef’s question.

Sana turns around and sees Vilde running towards her.

“Finally I found you!” She says as she gets to her friend. “I was looking for you. I lost you after the dance. Elias is here, he’s looking for you.”

“Elias?” Sana asks confused, she has no idea what he’s doing here.

“Yeah, your mom told him you’re here. I don’t know, he’s your b…” Vilde doesn’t finish her sentence, instead she realizes that there’s a stranger standing right in front of them. “Who are you?”

“I’m…” Yousef starts but he’s interrupted by Sana

“He’s my dance partner, since you left me alone and all.”

“Oh…I’m Vilde” she offers her hand to the mysterious boy ignoring Sana’s glare.

“I’m Yousef.” He takes her hand and shakes it but his eyes aren’t on Vilde, they’re on Sana.

Sana nods slightly as if she was trying to say that she’s glad to know his name. Yousef. It really suits him.

“I left Magnus with Elias, we should get going.” Vilde says urging her friend to go.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Sana looks at Yousef a little bit disappointed for having to go so soon, she was kind of hoping she could get to talk more to him. “Thanks again for saving me.”

“My pleasure, Sana.” He says and she loves the way her name sounds coming from him.

Sana nods once more and with a last smile she turns around and leaves with Vilde.

Yousef watches her walking away.

Sana, what a great girl. For a moment there he felt like she could be the girl.

Such a shame she has a boyfriend.

------------------x------

So when I read the post I linked in the beginning I couldn’t stop thinking about this idea. I had a lot of trouble writing this so I’m pretty sure it’s not really good..I’m sorry about that. Hope you like it though :)

There will be a second part but I’m not sure when I’ll be able to write it 

Thanks for reading!!♥

#yousana #skam #nothesc fic #yousana au