#and this person gets super angry whenever i interact w popular people in public

[hereitalkonandon]

Some songs

I love reading what you say but I don't mind it when you don't write much, or that you don't answer my questions or say anything about most parts, it's not frustrating for me, in a way I'm relieved that I didn't take that much of your time when it happens.

I only feel it could be unfair to make you read so much about myself and take so much of your time without even doing the same thing myself, I highly doubt I could write something that long to you ever again unless it's an answer to one of your letters, so it's now sort of a vicious circle.

There's only so much I can ramble about even if I could do it forever since I would only be repeating myself as you said we would when it comes to shipping, and even if I do it so often, I try hard to not do it as much with you. I still end up failing but I always delete half of what I had originally written so that's something.

At first it was just because I was talking about things you didn't know about myself since you didn't know anything, but now you know almost everything I could tell you. I spend a lot of time doing the same activities and being into the same hobbies, just today I ran for two hours, as I've been doing for over ten years.

So what you said about me knowing your thoughts on shipping and all that, it's why I never talked about it before until now that you mentioned it, I figured there wasn't much we could say about it, other than my thoughts, but I've already told you what they are.

Whenever I felt a bit shocked about finding you, just going through your blog and thinking it was interesting and that you aren't like a real person, I would remember that I had already realized that it wasn't odd, I found you because you were so into something that not many people are into, it's only not super rare because ASOIAF/GOT is really popular. 

It's not weird then,  people are normally drawn to things that they relate to. And you clearly relate to Cersei and her relationship so it makes sense that I would find you.

I don't lie to people but I tend to do things like not being open about what I'm feeling and pretending I don't care about things, that I forgot something, that something is not a big deal, and making them wait when there isn't really any need.

A lot of dumb things, and I've never done that to you other than with the anons at first, because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, knowing so many things.

I feel that sooner or later we will have nothing to say because such is life and your world is this really big place and you have all those dreams, even if I'm not exactly empty, my love for my ex-girlfriend has crippled me and it's the only personality trait I have

But it has been something different, being honest about what I'm feeling, answering right away, well as soon as I'm able to, telling you I spent hours doing nothing but writing you a letter, that I lost sleep over some of them and your blog. I'm happy that I got to know what that feels like and that I got to share thoughts with you. I'm so reserved and also often thinking about my pride, so it's the first time I do this and I don't intend to do it with someone else any time soon because I've never actually met someone that I could relate to. But I don't think we have a lot in common regardless.

I've no doubt that I could end up meeting many people, maybe in twenty or thirty years, even if I'm not intending to, but if so, that I could forget a lot of things of these days, but I know I won't forget how it felt and how important it was to me for a while.

I never cry and though I can feel pity and worry about others, I was barely a human anymore after my ex-girlfriend left when it came to anything but my feelings for her, now because of these days, I've somehow cried sometimes, I wouldn't even understand it if I tried, and I feel that even if this were to be the last interaction we had, because of you I've started gaining something back and that I'll slowly keep becoming who I used to be before it all went wrong, whether I want it or not. 

Then maybe I'm just too emotional right now and I'll be the same trash I've been these four years in no time. I can't know that, and even though I wouldn't be hurting you or anyone else, I would feel like I lied today if I didn't say it.

I'm glad that something that long had some use to you, a distraction from work. I've seen you complain about your boss and I thought you were probably right about him but when I saw the post where you talked about the time he asked you if you really hated men that much, because of your picture of Eowyn, and saying men like girly women, I was sure he is the type of man that I tend to find the most annoying.

It means a lot to me that something I wrote could make you feel emotional even if you are already feeling that way, so though I wasn't expecting any comment about it because I was well aware my letter was too long, thank you for letting me know that.

And thank you for encouraging me to write, I honestly feel like poetry isn't for me, because I would only enjoy writing the kind of thing that I sent you, and the problem is that I would also just be repeating myself all over again, so that's why I would rather not try, I'm already sure of the way it would end. 

But eventually I would like to find similar poetry, years from now, I think, so I can read it. I have a lot of free time, due to not having a social life, and at the same time I always need more time. I'm always angry that the day is over. I like the nights better though. I just mean I hate it when I have to go to sleep.

I already write what I want, just using my journals. I hate embarrassing myself, so since I'm aware I've no experience or anything, that's why I've been bringing it up in all my letters whenever I say I love writing. I just enjoy it a lot, but I don't believe that I'll ever feel the need to write for a public, other than also loving to write letters.

You said that maybe eternal love isn't for you, I can believe it if you mean you don't see yourself loving someone forever and that sooner or later you could get bored of them. Otherwise, and at your age, being who you are, I think it's more than likely that there will be enough men wanting to love you forever and if they are lucky they might be worth it.

And even if you said that you can't tell me how to live my life, I still appreciate reading what you truly think about things, as I've told you before, (and lately that's the problem, there isn't much I haven't told you before) so I enjoyed everything about that letter, and it was so insightful, the only problem with it is that I am who I am, but I believe the things you said are what anyone with common sense would want to do in my situation, probably what I would want someone to tell the children I won't have because I don't want them, to anyone that is important to me

I would want them to strive to be healthy and happy, I wouldn't care so much about them prioritizing purpose, like I do with my own life. The way many people do, I see what answer makes the most sense, what I would want for others, and then I choose something entirely different

I agree that you are probably loved half-halfheartedly right now, but not because of who you are or because of your boyfriend even, but because most people go through life only loving as much as that, it's not crazy that you happen to have a partner that probably, at least as of now, can only love in the way that most people love. And it wouldn't be crazy to go through other five boyfriends in a row that can't give you enough. 

It's one of the reasons I relate to you, my ex-girlfriend once wrote "he wanted all of nothing" after our break up, and she was right, she didn't know a lot of things about herself but I can't say she didn't know me. 

The way that I am I could never try something that didn't feel like the most intense thing ever from the very beginning, but I can see how actually dating people is the fastest or easiest way to eventually find that relationship too, and so I see why you are with him.

But being who you are, it's possible that if he doesn't eventually love you in a way that can give you back what you have been craving, then you'll move on from that relationship some day, however long that takes, and there's no need to hurry and end this one as long as you want to be with him. 

It's just that I find it so hard to believe, to wrap my mind around it, that someone like you won't end up being loved in the way that she wants, and that I honestly believe that you deserve, the fact that you have the depth to realize that kind of love exists, understand it, and miss it, is enough to make me even mad that you can't have it now, even if you don't need it. 

After spending so many hours both reading your blog and writing to you, it made my day to read that you no longer love him, even if it were only half-truth. From what I understood he took advantage of you and he doesn't deserve a thing from you.

But when it comes to that, I've spent all my life living like this, to me it seems almost impossible to get over that sort of love, without taking into account that you have so many other interests and that you haven't spent as much time with that person in your head as I have, it makes sense that you only think about him because you wish you could have that feeling again.

Whatever happens with your current boyfriend, what I believe you won't regret, is moving forward from your relationship with your first ex-boyfriend, and that's the best you can do.

I didn't have much to say other than repeating myself and because your letter was brief but I also didn't try to make it longer since I imagine you will have long days and be busy and then tired.

I saw that you asked for song recommendations on your blog, so these are a few that I love. Nantes, Elephant Gun, My night with the prostitute from Marseille, A candle's fire, and Cherbourg, all by Beirut, maybe you already know some of them because of the cover Florence Welch did

And then You and Me by Delays, I feel you would enjoy this one because of the lyrics, his voice annoys me but I put up with it.

Then there is this group that only had two albums called The Cinematics, perhaps you wouldn't like their sound, I think most of them have the same feeling, but I love A Strange Education, (it's also the name of one of the albums) it makes me so emotional for some reason, New Mexico, and Chase.

So I'm of course not expecting you to listen to them, and while I could just write a lot of songs that I like I decided to write the ones that I think you aren't as likely to come across by yourself, and that I find so moving that if you ever have the time to listen to them maybe you could find at least one that you enjoy.