#and then that... hint at emotional angst he doesn't share with anyone but continues to be such a pillar of positivity and hope

[muddyorbsblr]

would've could've should've pt3

See my full list of works here!

Part of the 500 Follower Celebration Requested by: Anonymous

Summary: Loki makes things right with you and your relationship, and Shuri makes a heartbreaking discovery about your past

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Word Count: 8.5k [prepare drinks & snacks accordingly]

Warnings (spoilers ahead but y'all need these) : 18+ | heavy themes (dubcon hinted at in log reports; a whole portion detailing human experimentation involving drug-induced mental and emotional subjugation); Loki committing crimes (in the name of his bb); angst; Thor's mega-himbo behavior; language [let me know if I missed anything!]

Things to be aware of: established relationship; soft bf Loki hours

"I do not understand why we must be the ones doing such a menial task, Brother," Loki grumbled, walking through the large aisles of the marketplace that Thor all but dragged him to. "We are Asgardian royalty, and we are gods, we should not have to procure our own supplies."

"Stark says it is important that Midgardians perceive us as more than gods and heroes, Brother," the blond explained. "We do have staff in the Compound tasked to perform these duties for us, yes. But every now and again, there is a rotating schedule wherein we perform them. So that we may lessen the perception that we are a sort of enigma to them that only makes our presence felt when there is crisis. They can see us living our respective lives when we are not saving theirs."

While he could see the logic somewhat, he still wished that he would have been assigned to do this with you instead. It had been a few days since you two got back from your mission in California, and since then he outright refused for you to spend a night alone. And all he wanted at this moment was to finish with this drudgery and make his way back to you.

"This may be menial to you, Brother, but let me offer you the same advice that Jane once gave me when I expressed a similar sentiment on my first time," Thor continued on, walking down an aisle filled with those Pop Tarts that he favored munching on and tossing a half dozen boxes into his cart. "Find a semblance of fun in the exercise. Personally, I see this as my opportunity to include more my favorite Midgardian snacks, since staff don't put nearly enough and they expect me to share them. I get some of Jane's favorites as well."

Loki mulled over the seemingly basic advice, grabbing some of your favorite drink and tossing some extra into the cart. "I think I can begin to see the appeal," he conceded, he was still relieved when they finally crossed off all the items and brought the carts to the register, however.

"And another appeal for the unattached…" his brother murmured, not so subtly nudging him in the direction of the cashier. "This is a prime place to meet some stunning Midgardians who are also performing their own duties."

"Well hi there!" the woman greeted him. "I'm Sandy." She started ringing up the items with a peculiar stance that had him quite uncomfortable where he stood, always angling her body to offer him a few of her breasts down the wide neck of her shirt. "Thor's told me all about you."

"Brother…" Loki hissed the word through gritted teeth. "What in Norns' name are you doing?" Was this oaf trying to play matchmaker with him? Fully knowing that he was already happily committed to another? To you?

"Oh come on, Brother. It's clear that your current entanglement with your mortal will go nowhere if she refuses something as basic as laying with you. You've had many lovers back on Asgard, so I am not mistaken in assuming that this is her issue, and not yours."

"And may I say what. A. Shame," the clerk Sandy interjected. "In my opinion anyone that doesn't know and appreciate what they have don't deserve--"

"Hold your tongue," he snapped at her. "It is not your place to impose your opinion on me, you vile woman." She began to cower where she stood, suddenly becoming shifty in her stance. "You know nothing of her and yet you stand here pretending as if you have the higher moral ground. And you." He turned to address Thor now. "You call yourself my brother and yet you attempt to mastermind me away from my beloved and you haven't the slightest clue who you dare to offend--"

"Brother she is not your beloved. This woman isn't even willing to--"

"This woman's name is Y/N Y/L/N. You have regarded her as someone brilliant and fierce and yet you disrespect her so sickeningly." He gave his brother one last sneer before handing over the little plastic card that held Stark's money. "Not another word from you. I wish to be done with this task as soon as possible."

The clerk nodded wordlessly, the faintest hiccup coming out of her as she tried to temper her fear.

"Brother, my deepest apologies I did not know you and Lady Y/N had been--"

"Not a word from you, either," he hissed. "Lest you have forgotten the extent of my rage, Brother, allow me to put it into perspective. I would repeat my actions from over a decade ago in a heartbeat if it meant making her happy. Worse even, if she asked it of me. And of the two of us, she is the one that deserves your apology. She is the one you so flippantly disregarded with your words and your actions."

His oaf of a brother stayed silent the entire way back to the Compound, only uttering a simple sentiment that attempted to convey the remorse that he was trying to process.

"This time I might actually deserve you stabbing me, Brother."

That got him a singular mirthless chuckle. "I will do much worse if I ultimately lose her."

"Morgan, sweetie, be honest with me and your Auntie Nat. You're not doing your homework, are you?"

The little girl looked up at the two of you from her side of the table with wide eyes feigning innocence, looking the spitting image of her father. "I am, Auntie Y/N. Promise…"

"You sure, baby? Because…I know it's been a while since I went to school. You know, in the Bronze Age?" She let out a tiny bubbly giggle at your antic of placing your hand on your back and hunching over, pretending to hold yourself up by an invisible cane. "But baaaaaack in my day, my teachers would've smacked my hands clean off my arms if I was doing my math homework in crayon."

"This isn't my Math homework, silly Auntie Y/N," she giggled again, putting the crayon down and turning the paper around to push it in your and Nat's direction. "It's for Art class. We're supposed to draw our family. Look it." She threw her little body across the table, reaching out with the eraser end of her pencil to start pointing at the parts of her drawing. "There's Mommy and Daddy, and then Auntie Nat and Gruncle Bucky--"

"Wait hold on, Morgan, what did you call Bucky?" the currently platinum blonde assassin asked Morgan, trying so hard to hold back her amused smile. And failing.

"Well, he's an old man but he doesn't look it, so I got confused if I should call him Uncle or Grandpa, so now it's both. Gruncle."

Nat pursed her lips, her body beginning to shake from the laughs begging to escape her."That makes so much sense, sweetheart," she said, holding her hands up as if in surrender. "Keep going, baby Stark, who else you got in there?"

Morgan pointed to the next couple. "Auntie Wanda and Vision, and then Uncle Thor and Auntie Jane, then me…and right next to me." She pointed her pencil at a final couple, the drawing of her holding the woman's hand. "There's Auntie Y/N and Prince Loki."

A lump formed at your throat, combing back through all of your memories in recent months if there was something that the child might have seen that revealed your relationship to her way too perceptive eyes. "Uhh…why'd you pair me up with Mischief, sweetie?"

"Oh…well, because you're alone all the time, and Prince Loki's alone all the time, and if I drew you both alone it'll just look kinda sad so…I drew him next to you."

You had to fight against the urge to sigh in relief. "That makes sense. That's really thoughtful, baby."

The ding of the elevator effectively stopped the conversation, Morgan bringing the piece of paper back to her side of the table so she could finish coloring in everyone's hair. "We've returned!" Thor's voice bellowed as soon as he stepped into the common area.

"Welcome back," you droned, typing a reply to Shuri's message that just came through. My friend, I found something on these reports that I think you should see first. "Wonder what Shuri found…"

Nat leaned over your shoulder to see the message, her brows furrowing together after giving it a few passes. "You want, I could come with you when you go see her in case it's something real bad, Babes." All you did was nod at her, giving her a soft smile before tilting your head to lean against hers.

She had no idea what went down with you when you were in your late teens, in those years roaming the halls of that campus. Nobody except Loki knew, and if you were being completely honest with yourself, part of you regretted being so vulnerable with him because now he treated you like you were so fragile the tiniest little poke could break you apart.

And you'd spent so long doing everything in your power to make yourself stronger, more guarded. So that no one would ever be able to hurt you again.

"Y/N?" You sat up straight at the sound of Loki's voice filling the common area, the three of you at the table looking at each other with questions in your eyes.

"In here, Mischief," you called back, giving both Nat and Morgan a signal to act normal and stop watching like they were sat in front of the TV with a soap opera playing. You tried to finish up your reports from your mission in California when a familiar large hand placed a can of grape soda next to your water bottle. "Oh…Thanks, Loki." You looked up at him, giving the god a tiny smile before going back to your reports.

What he did next had both the assassin and Stark's daughter dropping their whole schtick of 'acting normal', taking your hand in his and gently tugging you to your feet. He didn't seem to care that there were very curious eyes intently watching on, brushing your hair back to tuck it behind your ear.

"What's wrong?" you blurted out, your heart at your throat from his actions. Before you could say anything else, he closed the remaining distance between you, pressing his lips to yours. You melted into his embrace, the gasps and squeals around you blurring into the background.

When he broke the kiss, he pulled you into an embrace, tucking his face into the crook of your neck and taking a deep breath, as if he was grounding himself. "I'm so sorry, darling. I've been a terrible partner to you, treating our relationship as if it were a secret to be hidden away. I never meant to--"

"Hey hey shh it's okay…" You wrapped your arms around his neck, doing your best to not sound like you were on the verge of tears. "It's okay, sweetie, you didn't know. And I didn't tell you, so that's on me, too."

"Absolutely not," he grumbled. "No part of this was your fault." He pulled away to frame your face in his hands, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "Nothing that ever happened to you was your fault. I love you, little mortal."

"I love you, too, Mischief--"

"Hold up, you're Reindeer Games' girl?"

You pulled away just enough to look over and address Stark, placing your hands over Loki's. "Yeah, Stark…I'm 'prim and prissy'." His face visibly paled at your confirmation, remorse immediately coloring his features. "You got some more genius barbs to throw at me for not sleeping with my boyfriend?" You gave Nat a signal to cover Morgan's ears, which she quickly followed much to the child's visible pouting dismay. "What've you got this time? Tits sagged up? I'm probably dry like the goddamn Sahara in the nether regions? What if there's actually nothing down there and I'm built like a goddamn Barbie doll?"

"Goddammit, I really put my foot in my mouth this time, huh?"

"More like you decided to put all that yoga to good use, bent over and gave yourself a rimjob and then started running your mouth, but sure, Stark. Let's go with that." 

Tony flinched at your words, visibly biting his tongue from what was undoubtedly his instinct to dish out some snark just as good as he just got it. "You know what, I totally deserved that. I'm really sorry, jellybean, I never should have said anything."

"As am I, Lady Y/N," Thor spoke up as he joined the rest of you. "I never should have imposed in on your and Loki's life together. He has told me in numerous ways on our way back that my careless actions have jeopardized his happiness, and for that I beg for your forgiveness."

You and Loki shared a look, both of you arguably right for questioning the sincerity of both apologies. Neither of them had any hesitation subjecting either of you to their opinions when they didn't know that they were throwing verbal darts at your head.

Ultimately you decided not to double down on your own barbs. At least until Thor apologized some more for his mega oaf behavior. "And I sincerely apologize for attempting to introduce another woman to my brother in hopes that he'll be lured away from his current partner, truly I had no idea it was--"

"Hold the fucking phone there, Blondie, you what?!" You could feel your blood rushing to your head, all your irritation toward both imbecilic men bubbling all the way up to the surface after Thor's confession.

"It was moronic and--"

"You're damn straight it was moronic," you seethed, your hand itching to risk potentially permanent injuries just to take a swing at the god that pulled the buffoonery. "I get that you want the best for your brother and all that, trust me I want that, too. But you were all the way out of line for that one."

"Yes, I know," he mumbled, his head turned down in visible shame. "Loki if you wish to stab me for my idiocy you're than welcome to--"

"Fuck that, I'm gonna stab you," you seethed, the god next to you holding you a touch tighter and trying to rub small circles into your skin to calm you down some. "This was none of your business. Even back when you didn't know it was me, you were both out of line for the jabs you took at Loki's private life. And honestly if you're so remorseful about it, you owe Bucky an apology, too. Y'all were dogpiling on his girlfriend way before you started going in on me."

With every word that came out of you, it felt as if there was still something completely blocking you from the truth. A question that went unanswered even by you and the memories you held ever since college. Ever since Simon.

"I don't…I don't know why I'm like this," you said more softly this time, turning to Loki and trying to find the words that could convey at the very least what you showed him a few nights ago. "It's been like this since I was a student in that damn campus. I don't know why but every time I've been in a relationship since then, if things start moving…physically, I--"

"Shh darling…" He pulled you into an embrace again, placing a kiss to the top of your head. "You need not elaborate. You were wronged, none of this was your fault."

"Your god is right, my friend," Shuri spoke up, announcing her presence, a grim look on her face as she held her tablet. "I have combed excessively through the reports for the compounds you found in your college building, and I have…distressing news."

"Yeah…Nat and I were about to come find you, Shuri. What'd you find?"

"This will be…quite an uncomfortable question, Y/N, are you certain you wish to discuss this with all this company?"

"They'll find out anyways. Most of them are nosy like that." You threw a pointed look Stark's and Thor's way, both men immediately looking away in shame. "But I suppose we can spare some innocent souls. Morgan, sweetie, go find your mom, we have to discuss bad guy things now."

The little girl pouted but followed your request, making her way to the elevator to go and find Pepper.

"My friend, what can you tell us about your former relationship with Simon Richardson? Only what you remember and what you are comfortable with sharing. We can start there."

Loki led you to sit on the couch, keeping his arm around your shoulders and rubbing up and down your arms to ground you as you started to recall. "He was…kind and sweet. Until he wasn't. It started with him offering the faculty lounge for me to hang out in during my free periods, then…coffees…lunches. The days when I had a class during first period, he'd be there and we'd grab breakfast together. Then came the first dinner together and he kissed me, told me he was falling in love with me."

"Hold up there, jellybean, this Richardson…he was your professor, right?" You nodded at Stark's question. "Add that comment I made about saying hi to your old professors to my list of things I have to make up for then, I'm so sorry, Y/N."

You just shrugged. "As with most of the things you're gonna have to apologize to me for, Stark…you didn't know." You took a sip of your soda before continuing your story. "The next few months after that were…confusing to me. Every time we had a moment alone he was so sweet and doting, always staying close to me, kissing me, regular degular boyfriend things, you know? And then the second someone else would come in the room he…pulls away. Becomes distant and…almost clinically professional. Drops my hand, immediately puts three feet of distance between us. Tells me it's to protect our relationship. That if people found out, they'd take him away from me and I'd be punished somehow. Told me he was protecting me."

Loki placed a soft kiss to your temple, keeping his forehead pressed to the same area as he spoke. "My love, I'm so sorry. My actions toward you in our time together have brought your memories of your time with him up to the surface."

"You didn't know," you sighed, leaning in to his embrace. "I never told anyone and…nobody ever really bothered to stick around to find out what was actually going on with me the second they realized they weren't gonna 'score'." You took a few deep breaths, finally finding a bizarre sort of relief now that you were talking about the memories that plagued and taunted you for so long.

"And when did you two end things?"

You let out a sound between a scoff and a chortle at Shuri's question. "Generous of you think there was a concrete 'end' to things, sweetie." There was a faint whoosh somewhere to your right, the new silhouettes in your peripheral alerting you to Jane's  and Wanda's entrance. "Hey, Babes."

They both offered you some form of greetings before pulling up a seat, the Sokovian speaking up first. "Morgan mentioned something about you looking angry and hurt. Something about Thor doing something idiotic?" She addressed the blond god next. "I mean, a bit on brand for you, but really? Introducing Loki to someone that's going to start bad mouthing his partner? Shouldn't you know your brother well enough by now that that'll get you a stabbing? You know…after a thousand and a half years?"

"Wait hold on, you what?" the scientist spoke up, swatting her boyfriend upside his head. "You know that just got you kicked off the prospects on wedding officiant, right?"

"Well considering my brother is no longer King of Asgard, I surmise that the Valkyrie would be the one that performs that particular duty regardless," Loki shot back before turning back to face you, a soft smile gracing his features. "One day, I mean. When you're ready."

"You sure you want that, Mischief? Considering I might just be a lousy non-existent lay after all this?"

"About that…" Shuri spoke up again, prompting you to continue your story.

"Right, sorry. The ending…I suppose that started when he suggested we'd go away for a weekend. Somewhere farther away from campus where we could actually be a couple outside his apartment. We got a hotel room and…I'm sure you can all fill in those particular blanks." Everyone grimaced at the mere thought, looks of sympathy thrown your way from every direction. Loki pressed another kiss to your temple, his embrace pretty much the only thing holding you together. "We spent a few more nights like that over the next few weeks. Then the academic year ended, a new batch of students came in, and one day I got to campus and…someone new was at his arm. He stopped answering my calls, my texts weren't even left on Read. One day I asked him point blank what happened and all he said was I don't know what you mean, Miss Y/L/N. You're not my student anymore."

"Bastard," Wanda hissed. "He should be locked up. Maybe have Strange throw him in one of those mirror dimensions so all he'll see for the rest of his miserable life is his own ugly lowlife mug."

"And even worse, he's still doing this. We saw him in that reunion. Fucker even had the brass balls to exchange words with me like it was no big thing. He had one of his current students clinging to him like a barnacle. Chances are he's gonna do her what he did to me and that girl from so many years ago. And who knows who else. Anyways ever since then, something always felt kind of…fucked up with me. Every time things got too physical with someone it's like my body recoils. Even when I don't mean to it's like…it closes up shop without consulting my heart. Or my brain."

"I may have an explanation for your body's behavior, my friend." Shuri tapped away at her tablet, projecting the screen's contents into a larger holographic rendering in the center of the room, showing you all a photo of one of the compounds you'd come across in the lab. "This is PM-19, a substance that can mentally and emotionally enslave a subject to the closest source of pheromones and leave them more open to be controlled. Manipulated. When the connection between subject and administrator is severed, the effects…well, the reports all say that the effects are varied."

"Varied on what?" Nat spoke up, moving to sit on the other empty seat next to you and grabbing hold of your free hand.

"Potency of the compound in the subject's system," Loki answered through gritted teeth. "They experimented with dosage, form of administration, wear-off time…"

"O-Okay but what does this have to do with my shitty predatory ex?" you butted in, your voice shaky with the fear that you knew exactly where Shuri was going with this.

She flashed a set of log reports next on the screen. "I isolated the reports that took place while you were in your relationship with Richardson," she explained, waving a hand at the screen. "Going on to the reports that reference all test subjects from this period moving forward. I will let you all read at your own pace."

Nat handed you a large glass of water, telling you to down it before going into the reports. Thankfully you heeded her advice, or else your body might have forgotten how to function reading through the various statements.

April 15, 2013 -- Potential test subjects found. Administrators have been granted permission to pursue and administer PM-19 at their own discretion.

April 20, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-A initiated into PM program. Mode of Administration: aerated by means of cologne. Precautions were taken to ensure that Test Subject 13-31-A and Administrator BG were at a safe distance from bystanders that could have been exposed to aerated PM-19

April 22, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-A exhibited signs of withdrawal from engagement. Subject has been administered aerated PM-19 again. If pattern continues, dosage for aerated PM-19 should be every 24-36 hours to sustain potency in Subject's system.

April 30, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-B initiated into PM program. Mode of Administration: ingestion by means of beverage. Administrator MP notes instant shift in 13-31-B's receptiveness and an increased eagerness to comply with Administrator MP's suggestions regarding trivial lifestyle choices.

May 2, 2013 -- Administrator SR has attempted administering PM-19 to potential Test Subject 13-31-C via aerated form through body spray, but 13-31-C has shown no tangible effects. Will administer stronger dosage via ingestion if effects are still negligible.

May 5, 2013 -- Administrator SR has successfully initiated Test Subject 13-31-C into PM program. Mode of Administration: ingestion through beverage and food. Shift in receptiveness is incremental. Will observe effects through continued dosage.

May 7, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-A actively seeks out Administrator BG and displays an obeisance toward him. She seems to rely on his approval of her decisions. Administrator MP has considerable control over Test Subject 13-31-B's food and clothing choices by means of simple suggestions and the slightest form of positive feedback. Administrator MP to proceed with furthering connection with 13-31-B.

May 9, 2013 -- Administrator SR has been continually administering PM-19 to Test Subject 13-31-C via ingestion. She has begun to gravitate toward him during free periods. Administrator SR to proceed with furthering connection with 13-31-C.

May 13, 2013 -- Administrators BG, MP, and SR have been granted permission to administer more potent dosage by means of injection. Will use the campus' free vaccination as the means of delivery.

May 15, 2013 -- Test Subjects from batch 13-31 have been administered PM-19 directly into bloodstream and collectively show visible ardency toward their respective Administrators.

May 20, 2013 -- Test Subjects 13-31-A and 13-31-B showing more agitation when respective Administrators BG and MP are not by their side. Test Subject 13-31-C appears visibly calmer but shows significant internal disquiet when away from Administrator SR.

May 21, 2013 -- Administrator SR has officially begun to engage romantically with Test Subject 13-31-C to observe if she will exhibit the same signs of agitation that Subjects 13-31-A and 13-31-B possess when away from their respective Administrators.

May 25, 2013 -- Administrator BG has severed the connection with Test Subject 13-31-A after significant increase in agitation after having PM-19 introduced to her bloodstream. 13-31-A created a spectacle in Science Building cafeteria and was escorted by Administrator BG to campus clinic. Subject displayed alarmingly elevated blood pressure and was immediately admitted to nearest hospital to be put under HYDRA monitoring until subject recovers.

May 26, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-A has been terminated after waking in hospital and repeatedly threatening to pursue all avenues of action against Administrator BG and put PM project at risk of being brought to public awareness. Action sanctioned by all active Administrators. Administrator BG now evaluating new potential test subjects.

May 27, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-D initiated into PM program. Mode of Administration: ingestion through food and beverage. Administrator BG has been instructed to keep careful watch of 13-31-D and tasked to increase dosage every 3 days and observe waning time. Administering via injection no longer viable due to window closing to guise under free vaccination.

May 30, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-B shows little regard for caution and attempted flagrant display of affection when crossing paths with Administrator MP whilst surrounded by both colleagues and other students. 13-31-B has been thoroughly admonished for her actions.

June 1, 2013 -- Administrator MP began distancing from Test Subject 13-31-B. Subject is now displaying visible signs of distress and is aggressively seeking him out even outside of campus grounds. Increasing frequency in initiating correspondence. Administrator MP expresses concern that 13-31-B's behavior will require intervention if no improvement shows in next 30 days.

June 1, 2013 -- Administrator SR notes increased obeisance in Test Subject 13-31-C since compound PM-19 was introduced to her bloodstream. Administrator SR has been granted permission to proceed with next stage of relationship: Consummation

June 3, 2013 -- Administrator MP has placed a request for the termination of Test Subject 13--31-B after a spectacle in the campus parking lot where subject was shouting at MP for not answering texts and calls. Administrator MP will remain inactive for batch 13-31 and will resume his duties when evaluating for Test Subjects for batch 13-32.

June 6, 2013 -- Administrator BG notes that Test Subject 13-31-D is more aggressive and attempts to initiate contact with BG. Administrator has placed a request to speed up timeline to romantic engagement to observe if 13-31-D will become more submissive and deferential.

June 7, 2013 -- Administrator SR has begun final stage of PM program for Test Subject 13-31-C. No other task will be assigned to him other than observation of 13-31-C's behavior once connection is fully severed. He will resume his duties along with Administrator MP when evaluating for Test Subjects for Batch 13-32.

June 8, 2013 -- Test Subjects 13-31-B and 13-31-D have been simultaneously terminated after 13-31-D disclosed details of relationship with Administrator BG and both subjects agreed to report this behavior to campus faculty board. Only remaining active Test Subject is 13-31-C.

June 13, 2013 -- Frequency in Test Subject 13-31-C's initiation of correspondence after Administrator SR has begun final stage.

June 15, 2013 -- Administrator SR has fully severed the connection for Test Subject 13-31-C

June 20, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-C has been notably absent in classes. Administrator SR has placed a request to send a HYDRA representative to check on 13-31-C's status.

August 20, 2013 -- Test Subject 13-31-C shows signs of detachment from her peers and current relationship. Potential side effect of PM-19 after severance of connection between subject and administrator seems to be physical recoiling upon implication of intimacy. Subject's body seems to perceive this either as a threat or as a breach of her loyalty to Administrator SR.

April 15, 2014 -- Test Subject 14-34-E initiated into PM program. As mentioned in preliminary notes for batch 14-34, test conditions from Test Subject 13-31-C's case will be replicated in hopes of replicating the only surviving case of batch 13-31.

April 22, 2014 -- Unexpected and unaccounted for circumstance occurred. Test Subject 14-34-E shares a class with Test Subject 13-31-C and has asked questions on how to gain better favor with Administrator SR. It seems that test subjects that were connected to the same Administrator are also drawn towards each other.

April 24, 2014 -- Administrator SR initiated contact with Test Subject 13-31-C to extract information about what she may have told Test Subject 14-34-E. 13-31-C remains adamant that no details of their prior involvement were divulged and answers remained strictly academic. Administrator SR's feedback for her elicited positive reaction. It seems even after prolonged period since severing their connection, submissiveness and deference to Administrator SR remains. Hypothesis: If connection is severed at peak potency of PM-19, Test Subject's actions post-severance are subconsciously geared to seek the approval of their Administrator.

April 25, 2014 -- Administrator SR has been instructed to hasten timetable for Test Subject 14-34-E after subject witnessed SR's interaction with Test Subject 13-31-C and created a spectacle demanding to know what his history with 13-31-C was. Noting that subjects may be prone to increased irrational tendencies and paranoia while connection with Administrator is active.

May 1, 2014 -- Administrator SR has placed a request to terminate Test Subject 14-34-E after threats of her escalating him to the faculty board for their involvement. SR notes that 14-34-E has mentioned the existence of video and audio recordings containing indisputable evidence of their interactions. Directors of PM program have considered close monitoring of Test Subject 13-31-C to determine what differs in her case compared to the rest of the test subjects from Batch 13-31 as well as the replication attempt with 14-34-E.

May 2, 2014 -- Test Subject 14-34-E successfully terminated. Her belongings have been incinerated. All potential evidence of involvement with Administrator SR destroyed. Test Subject 13-31-C once again the only surviving test subject under this specific set of test circumstances. Replication of scenario will not be attempted again until further studies have been conducted on 13-31-C. Actions to be taken to closely monitor and intercept hospital records, therapy session notes and/or recordings, and all other documentation that will provide better understanding of 13-31-C's physiological and mental make up.

March 10, 2016 -- Administrator SR has expressed concerns regarding Test Subject 13-31-C becoming a SHIELD Agent. He has been reassured that there is no cause for concern as long as she stays a low to medium ranking Agent and does not become involved in high level operations.

September 16, 2019 -- Test Subject 13-31-C has been put on High Alert List. Her status as an Avenger warrants the action of capture on sight.

August 10, 2020 -- Multiple mentions of jilted former entanglements of Test Subject 13-31-C have surfaced online, detailing a 'frigidness' that the team is confident in surmising is due to the amount of PM-19 in 13-31-C's system when connection between her and Administrator SR was severed in 2013. It would seem that Test Subject 13-31-C's physiological reactions are tethered to Administrator SR's pheromones and can only successfully sever the connection on her end when the source of the pheromones ceases to exist. Or when she does.

November 16, 2023 -- Administrator SR expresses grave concern given Test Subject 13-31-C's current status of being romantically involved with highly dangerous individual Loki, Asgardian God of Mischief.

Your vision began to blur from the tears flooding your eyes as you read the reports over and over again, your mind stubbornly denying what you were seeing on the screen. Test Subject 13-31-C. You'd seen numerous log reports about her when you first perused the files a few days back but it never occurred to you that you knew her much better than you could have ever expected.

She was the girl in the mirror. The one with the haunted gaze and the smile that struggled to reach her eyes no matter how hard anyone tried.

You'd been so haunted by your worries that history would repeat itself and what Simon did to you, discarding you as soon as someone even incrementally younger came along and not giving you a second thought, would happen again the second you gave yourself fully to Loki. And now it turned out that your refusal to let the dark thoughts that plagued you when Simon left you all those years ago take over your life…turned out you haunted him right back.

"There is one more thing," Shuri spoke up, flashing a message on screen that came from Simon himself. "Our duplication of their machine seems able to receive their correspondences in real time. Simon Richardson has begun to explore requesting for termination of Test Subject 13-31-C. He wishes to see you dead, Y/N."

"Over my putrid rotting corpse," Loki seethed, tightening his hold on you. "He won't be able to touch you, my love. I swear it."

"Could you…" you tried to speak through the sobs you were trying to hold back. "Would you be able to send a message back? Make it seem like it's coming from his bosses?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "Child's play, my friend. What do you wish to send?"

"I want you to arrange a meeting." You adjusted your hold on Loki's hand, lacing your fingers through his. "And I want you to come with me."

The god raised your joint hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. "Of course, my love. I would have come with you regardless." He pressed his forehead against your temple again. "I'll never leave your side."

"Okay am I in a position to say that seeing Reindeer Games being affectionate is giving me fucking whiplash?"

"No," everyone collectively said in unison.

"Personally I think it's adorable," Jane quipped. "And I know your brother has a real crappy way of showing it, but we really are happy for you."

"'Tis true, I am happy for you and Lady Y/N, Brother--"

"No no, Macho Barbie, you don't get to talk, either," Nat spoke up, throwing a balled up piece of paper at his head. "If Tony deserves the time out on the steps, you deserve the goddamn dunce cap for your antics."

If there was ever a moment that could solidify beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were practically tailor-made by the Norns for Loki, it was this precise moment here. Watching in the shadowy corner of a room as the culmination of your flair for the theatrics almost eerily mirrored his.

You were sat at a desk situated in the middle of a dark seemingly empty warehouse, with only a single hanging lamp serving as a light source. Positioned in a way that your face was still mostly shrouded in the darkness until you wished to make your identity known.

And in your respective positions, you two waited in silence for Simon Richardson to arrive. The unsuspecting pathetic bastard thinking he would be meeting with the higher ups at HYDRA to rectify the situation that he'd been raising with them regarding the safety of their project now that your status on their watchlist has been raised to the highest alert level due to your relationship with the god.

Loki's enhanced hearing allowed for him to hear the shaky breathing and the faltering steps before the wretch pounded his fist at the entrance. "Showtime," you sighed under your breath, taking a moment before calling out in an accent that vaguely resembled the Valkyrie's, "Enter!"

The professor looked around the warehouse, visibly irritated upon seeing that almost the entire place was pitch black, and made his way slowly toward your desk. When he got close enough, another light switched on, illuminating a rather uncomfortable looking stainless steel chair.

"Sit." He did as you told, nervously running his hands up and down his thighs. A quick whiff in the air told the god that the weak mortal was already sweating bullets and barely any words have even been exchanged yet.

Good, he inwardly seethed. You don't deserve to know peace after the lingering damage that you'd dealt to the woman I love.

"Speak," you commanded, the faintest creak of the leather from your hand gripping the armrest being the only indicator that betrayed your facade of "cool and level-headed".

"Have the council agreed to a course of action regarding Agent Y/L/N? You told me before that you allowed for her to continue on with her life due to being the only survivor of batch 13-31. That her situation fascinated you. But now I fear that she is too dangerous to let live given her current romantic associations with the Asgardian that tried to raze New York."

"You never stated on the request your reasoning," you told him through gritted teeth. "How come you are so intent on the expedience of Subject 13-31-C's termination?"

The fidgeting man let out a nervous chuckle. "All due respect, ma'am but are you new? Maybe you didn't hear me? Her boyfriend tried to lay waste on New York! I don't wanna give her the time to open up to him and realize that the reason she can't get with him in the sack is because of PM-19! Who knows what he'll do to me?"

"Well we can start on breaking every joint in your body as an appetizer," you answered back, dropping your accent and leaning forward to let the light illuminate your face. "And from my understanding, the only way to sever the connection from my end is for the source of the pheromones to cease existing. All I have to do is kill you."

Richardson visibly relaxed in his seat, letting out a haughty chuckle as he tsk'd at you. "Silly girl, you didn't actually think it's that simple, did you?" He stood up, making his way to your desk and slamming his hands down on the tabletop, making you flinch at the sound. "Should've known you really were more beauty than brains. Then again it looks like even that is fading away. You really should use some of that Stark budget to take care of those lines on your face because aging does not become you, sweet thing."

"Whatever remnants of PM-19 I have left in my system physically inhibit me from killing you myself, is that it?"

"Maybe there's still some brain left in you after all," he mused in a condescending tone. He grasped the bottom half of your face harshly, your face twisting in horror as you tried to twist his hand off you, finding that you couldn't. "You can't harm me, sweet Y/N, let alone kill me. You literally don't have it in you." Your form began to visibly tremble in his hold, disgust now coloring your expression as he gave you a once over. "It's just you and me here. Maybe we could take a walk down memory lane. For old time's sake."

"Go to hell," you spat at him, jerking your head away from his hand with a sickening crack that Loki took note of to heal once everything was taken care of here. "And I'm not alone, you sick fuck." Richardson turned around, terror finally entering his eyes once he caught sight of the god's silhouette.

"You can't kill me," he tried to threaten. "You kill me and they'll come after you. All of you."

"HYDRA coming after us?" you quipped, giving Loki a tiny nod as he stepped menacingly closer. "Sounds like a regular Tuesday, doesn't it, sweetie?"

"To quote my brother, at least make it a challenge for me." He couldn't help but let his mouth stretch into a wicked grin as he watched the pathetic man start to shake where he stood.

"You kill me and that won't stop the project," he blurted out, most likely in a final desperate attempt at some form of a bargain. Or a threat. "Aren't you hero types all about the greater good and all that shit?"

"Normally we are," Loki answered, a dagger materializing in his hand in a flash of green. He grabbed the back of Richardson's head, poising the blade at his throat. "But I'm not a hero. Not today. Not for you." He pressed the blade harder against his throat, looking to you for his cue to follow through. You gave him all the answer he needed with a little nod of your head, wincing from the minor injury you'd given yourself just moments earlier. "As far as you're concerned, I'm the god you made an enemy of the moment you laid your grimy hands on the woman I love."

He could have made it quick, almost relatively painless, but after the prolonged impact that his vile actions had on you, it would have been a mercy if he were allowed to shuffle off this mortal coil with little suffering. And Simon Richardson was undeserving of mercy. He ensured that he felt every agonizing second that the blade dragged across his neck, and that he stayed lucid until the last possible moment that the light faded from his eyes.

When the late professor's body went limp and fell to the ground, you doubled over in what seemed like shock, bracing yourself by slamming your hands down on the tabletop, your arms shaking with the effort of holding yourself up. The god was by your side in a heartbeat, wrapping an arm around your waist to hold you upright.

"What is it, my darling? Are you alright? What are you feeling?"

"I feel--" you tried to say between shallow breaths. "It's like…I just won tug of war."

"Is that…is that good, sweetheart?" He found it rather difficult to tell with the panic setting into him from your shortness of breath. He rubbed circles on your back, trying to guide you to take deeper breaths and standing upright on your own.

"It's like I got all the air knocked out of me from being flung to the ground because the other side finally let go, and I'll probably have a few battle scars, but at the end of it all…Yeah. It's good. So good." You suddenly stood up straight, turning to face him and throwing your arms around his neck. "It feels like I can finally breathe."

You pulled away, pushing back locks of his hair and looking over the blood that spattered across his features. There was such an innocent, almost disoriented look in your eyes. Something that eerily reminded him of how he felt when he was finally free of the mind control the mad titan Thanos had him under. As if he was trying to find his footing again. Learning how to live in his skin and mind without the presence of another lurking in the darkest corners.

Freedom, he realized. You were free.

"Come on," you told him, smiling as you reached for his hand, your whole hand engulfed so easily by just his palm. "Let's get you cleaned up."

"You need not trouble yourself, little mortal. I can simply wave it all away--"

"I want to," you insisted, starting to tug on his hand. He relented rather quickly, a fond smile tugging at the corners of his mouth from your suddenly playful nature. Was this what you were like before you were shackled by that repugnant drug?

And just when he thought he couldn't possibly fall even deeper in love with you.

You led him to the car where Hogan was waiting for you both. Loki gave him a singular nod and he spoke into an earpiece calling for someone to dispose of Richardson's body. When you were both settled in to the back seat, you tore a strip off the shirt you were wearing, dousing it with water to start wiping away at the blood on his face.

"We have rags here for exactly that purpose, Y/L/N," Hogan quipped. "You didn't have to go all book boyfriend."

"Okay first, what have you been reading that you know that reference because I want recs. And second, I have no idea how Tony organizes stock in this car, and I didn't wanna wait. You're more than welcome to put the divider up if it makes you uncomfortable, Happy."

The bodyguard put his hands up, as if conceding in the exchange. "Fair enough, fair enough. I'll send you a list of those books when we get back. Right now I'm just gonna put up the divider, let you two get some rest. I'll let you know when we're at the Compound."

"Thanks, Happy. Maybe send it through FRIDAY. Just to my tablet. Morgan likes playing with my phone and I don't want my goddaughter near those books until well after drinking age."

You'd finished wiping away the blood from Loki's face moments after the divider fully went up, giving the god a playful satisfied little smile before giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"There you go, all done." You settled easily into his embrace as he wrapped his arm around you, his hand finding yours and lacing your fingers together. "I know that…now that he's dead, the PM-19 doesn't have a hold on me anymore but…mentally…" Your brows knitted together, your frustration visible as you struggled to find the words.

"It still feels as if there's a lingering presence in your mind," he offered, his heart aching for you when he heard your sniffle as you nodded against his shoulder. "I'm all too familiar with that feeling, my love. I wish I could tell you it goes away completely with time but…I cannot be too sure. Some days will be better than others, as if the presence has been kicked into the farthest darkest corners of your memories but…they remain."

"Right now it feels like it's in a car just behind us so…doesn't feel too far." You tilted your head to look up at him, relief flooding him when he saw in your eyes that you no longer seemed as distant. As if whatever journey you would embark on towards healing the wounds that Richardson left you, you knew and you welcomed the notion of not going through it alone. "I hate to say it, Mischief but…killing him didn't kill the fears he left behind."

You did not need to say more; he could surmise which fear you meant. The one he saw when you allowed him into your memories. The fear of being replaced as soon as you laid with him. The fear of leaving him dissatisfied and forcing his hand to look to another to fulfill what you couldn't.

Perhaps even a fear of being touched altogether.

"I want you to know that I am here for you, little mortal." He pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose, and another to your jaw, using his seiðr to heal the slight fracture from your altercation with that wretch of a professor. "Always." Another kiss, featherlight, to your lips. "You need never worry of pressure coming from me, I swear it."

"Maybe a little pressure wouldn't be too bad," you mumbled against his lips, kissing him back a with a touch more passion than he'd ever seen coming from you. "Maybe just…baby steps?" Your next action stole every bit of breath from his lungs, keeping his gaze while you moved his hand, placing it on the bared skin of your stomach. There was only the slightest tremor in your breath as he tentatively caressed your skin, but you no longer flinched away.

"Baby steps," he breathed out, pulling you closer to his side. You nestled your head into the crook of his neck and he felt you steadily succumb to your exhaustion, relaxing against him.

Loki finally allowed himself a moment of rest, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before closing his eyes and leaning back against the headrest. It would be a long and arduous journey as you healed from the prolonged damages that your time with Richardson wreaked upon you, but he would be with you throughout every step. Through every nightmare, every frustration, and ultimately every victory.

And then perhaps one day you both would wake and the step to be taken would be toward an altar.

But for now the god was more than content exactly where he was, holding you close with his hand on your skin, following at whichever pace you would be comfortable taking.

A/N: Another request from the pile done! 🎉🎉 Next up is gonna be a fluffy lil thing that I'm gonna turn into an outtake for one of the first stories I wrote, 'a heart like yours' 🥹

But before we get to that, we've got a good bit of RTC and OLTK and 'the final Lady Sharpe' coming…and whatever else my silly lil writer brain decides to start on 😳👀

'everything' taglist: @simplyholl @loopsisloops @imalovernotahater @coldnique @loz-3 @huntress-artemiss @salempoe @vickie5446 @athalialaufeyson @lokiprompts @kats72 @kikster606 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @lokixryss @thomase1 @mischief2sarawr @lovingchoices14 @lunarnights95 @goblingirlsarah @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @creationsbyme @maple-seed @mjsthrillernp @ladyofthestayingpower @mygfloki @sititran @glitterylokislut @ozymdias @fictive-sl0th  @lokidbadguy @mochie85 @silverfire475 @joyful-enchantress @elizabethmidnight2017 @holdmytesseract @smolvenger @gigglingtiggerv2 @lokidokieokie @superficialdomina @kmc1989 @november-rayne @goddessofwonderland @buttercupcookies-blog @peaky-marvel @lokiified @tom-hlover @dryyoursaltyoceantears @cabingrlandrandomcrap

#loki angst #loki x reader #loki x female reader #loki fanfiction #loki fanfic #loki laufeyson fanfic #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #mcu fanfic #muddyorbs writes #fic requests #500 follower celebration

[back2bluesidex]

Baggage

Pairing: Ex-Taehyung X Fem!reader

Summary: After six months of parting your ways from each other, Taehyung receives your handwritten letter. An unexpected one.

Wordcount: 1612

Theme: Exes au, Angst, Exes to (?)

Warnings: mentions of infidelity, mentions of alcohol consumption, hints of smut, broken relationship, heavy emotional weight.

A/N: Bracketed parts are Taehyung's POV and the italics are part of the letter.

Follow up drabble: Rainy Days

****************

Hey Taehyung, 

Hope this letter finds you well. You might be finding it odd that I am sending you this handwritten letter while sending you an email would have been much faster and easier. But then again, you know me. Or at least, I think you do. 

I received the courier yesterday and… that was unexpected. I know we have parted our ways but we decided on keeping the engagement rings, didn't we? So, when I opened the package, it hit me hard. And made me write this letter while two glasses of somaek are already in my stomach. 

You should have just kept the ring, it wouldn't harm anyone. You could just keep it in the box and throw it in a corner of your closet or maybe in the storeroom, I would never know. You could also throw it away in a trash can and dispose of it on a fine bright morning. You absolutely did not have to send this back to me. But you already did and things like these can't be undone. So, why don't you return my other belongings too? 

[Taehyung halts reading the letter. A frown takes over his forehead as he tries to decipher what you mean by "other belongings". When you two parted your ways or more like, when he decided to part his way from yours, you left with every single piece of shit you own. Starting from the furniture that you bought to your hair ties, you left absolutely nothing. Other than that engagement ring. He kept it for six months but then looking at it made him feel things he shouldn't. So, he sent that back to you. And now there's nothing. Nothing at all… except for the hollowness that rings in this apartment in his waking hours. Then what might your belongings be? He continues reading.] 

Why don't you return my first kiss that you stole while I was tipsy during college fest? It could have been Namjoon if you didn't meddle in between. You should also return the booze that you drank from my red cup while you could easily refill yours. Return the confession that I made that night right after you kissed me on my doorway for a second time in five hours. 

It would be different if I didn't confess to you. It would be different if you would just let me kiss Namjoon. I heard that he has started his own chain of art galleries. So aesthetic of him, just like me. We would make a perfect couple, don't you think?

[A pang of uneasiness hits Taehyung's chest. He never liked Namjoon. Back in your University days, Namjoon used to be head over heels for you, he never liked that. He wanted you all to himself, all for him. The thought of you being with someone else never sat right with him and it still doesn't. You and Namjoon being a couple! No! He still can't imagine, even after he claims to have fallen out of love with you.] 

Back to the point, if you are returning those then make sure you return the dryness of my trench coat as well. You may not remember, but when we went on our first date, it rained cats and dogs. We bought an umbrella from 7/11 since we could only afford one. We had to share it all the way to your dorm. Half of my trench coat got dumped because the heavy rain. 

I want you to take that wetness back and give me back my dryness. Can you? You can, right?

[Taehyung thinks you have lost it. What have you even been thinking at this point? Dryness of trench coat? How the fuck that makes sense?] 

Now you must be thinking why am I writing about that damned trench coat. Well, because that was my favourite one. It was white, I know you don't remember it. The beautiful snowflake white colour is now ruined because we got soaked, because I got soaked. Can you bring me back the pretty white colour that it had before? Can you take back the ugly spot that now resides on the fabric? Please take it back if you can because it reminds me of our first date, reminds me of you, reminds me of us. 

[Taehyung's breath starts to get heavy as he deciphers the weight of your words. He remembers. He remembers it all. Your first date, that white trench coat you looked so pretty in, that heavy rain, he remembers everything. How can he forget when it's one of the most beautiful memories that he cherishes.] 

Do you remember the day when I was working in the kitchen and you back-hugged me all of a sudden? I was so startled that I burnt my finger? The burnt scar is still there. Each time I see it, it reminds me of the kisses that we shared in the kitchen, the joint baking endeavours that were never once successful, the fights that we fought over choice of take-outs, and more…. More. 

[Only you can do this to him. Only you can make his heart race without even being there in front of him, without even letting him hear your voice, seeing your picture. He questions himself, where did it all go wrong, how did it all go wrong.] 

So, can you kindly return my flawless skin that I possessed before that scar happened? I want to stop thinking about the moments we shared in the kitchen. I want to stop thinking of us. 

[Taehyung's heart drops at your words and he doesn't know why. He knows well that it's him who chose to walk away, it's him who sought warmth in unfamiliar embraces. It's him who ended it all saying he fell out of love but then why does his heart twists at you saying you don't want to think of him? It's not natural, is it? He should not be impacted with anything you say but then why is it happening whatever is happening? He wonders and wanders endlessly.]

Now if I have started about the kitchen then I have to get into the bedroom as well. I want my sleep back. I want my sleep back from when I used to be sound asleep on a weekend morning and you would wake me up with your wandering hands all over my body. You would always find your ways under my tshirts and shorts. Groping, squeezing, rubbing as if your life depended on it. You used to wake me up very cruelly, Taehyung, and then you would make love all the damn day leaving me sore for the rest of the week. 

I can't sleep these days, Tae and I wish to replace it with my uninterrupted sleep from those days. Please return it as soon as possible. 

[Taehyung's eyes have turned blurry by now. But he desperately blinks away the tears. He can't cry for you, he won't cry for you. What's the point of crying anyway? The damage is done and it's not a computer program that everything will be as it was with a mere Ctrl+Z.] 

I won't ask you to return my hugs and kisses that you savoured for the first five years and ignored for the last one. You can keep those. I hope those can make you feel a bit alright when you have to deal with another cranky stakeholder. Keep those, consider it a parting gift. 

But make sure you're returning the worries that I have wasted on you when you didn't return home for the entire night. Return each piece of self respect that I lost when my calls went unanswered and text were left read. Return the efforts that I have put to keep that broken hell of a relationship somehow going when you shamelessly found a different escape each night. Return the trust that I had over love, relationship and promises and now lost because of you.

Return it all. 

But most importantly, return the part of me that I have left with you, that I have lost for you. You must return myself, Taehyung. Return all of my baggage. 

I will be waiting for your next courier eagerly. 

Previously yours,

Y/N 

[A whimper left Taehyung's throat. He can't control himself anymore. He is finally letting it all go. The pain that he thought was long gone or maybe never existed, is more than prominent now. He knows he committed a huge mistake. He knows he has hurt you beyond words but never did once you say anything. You left, just left without a single word. No matter how many arms has he been in during all these times, none could make him feel like home. He would always return to this emptiness where once you resided. He misses you but he is too adamant to accept that. He never fell out of love with you, he knows but he is scared to admit that. He was a fool to give in to the flow. He is a fool because he listened to his friends telling him it's too soon for him to get engaged, he should explore. He is a complete fool to let you go, let your existence disappear from his life. He didn't even think twice before walking on your beautifully crafted dreams and trampling those under his high-end Gucci shoes. He wishes you would fight, slap him, scream at him but you did none. 

You left being broken, left him broken. And now he has no idea how to return your baggage to you. He is lost, lost without you.]

Taglist:-

@phenomenalgirl9 @variety-is-the-joy-of-life

#taehyung angst #bts angst #bts taehyung #bts fanfiction #taehyung x y/n #taehyung fanfic #taehyung x reader #taehyung smut #bts fanfic

[witnessmysin]

*Clenches fist*

Y'all I got tickets to see Demon Slayer Mugen Train and I'm going to be fucking destroyed. But forewarning it will probably absolutely trigger something in my brain, that small kernel of whumpy desire I have and fan it into a wildfire and I'm sorry but I'll just have to be forced to act.

Sorry I don't make the rules. Kyo/juro owns my heart and hes gonna be so awesome while also getting beat the fuck up subconsciously and physically 💀💀

#that post that went around about what types you like #and i will say its stupid #i love me my stupid characters #and kyo is.. an interesting case. i totally think it was most likely a translation error where he fucked up counting to 8 and somehow got 11 #but its stuck so hard in my brain and endeared me to him along with his other traits #I'm so positive its a translation error but even still in other material he's... himbo-y. he thinks in large extremes #and makes these leaps in logic that make sense to him and if you track it yeah it makes sense but how and why did you think down that path #plus he's such a ray of golden sunshine how can I not love him #like he loves sweet potatoes and its such a dumb rather useles piece of info yet it makes me love him more #and then that... hint at emotional angst he doesn't share with anyone but continues to be such a pillar of positivity and hope #like god what a fantastic character and I will forever hate that they didn't explore that in more depth #like actually still mad about it considering nearly everyone got some degree of in depth look at their psyche and traumas #but Kyo? nah lets just hint at the internal struggle he has being a positive influence while his soul is surrounded by hellfire #exploring the negative effects of having an alcpholic parent constantly saying you're worthless shit and a talentless hack? apparently not #and I gues what I like is he does genuinely have a very upbeat and firey personality and passion. i don't think he fakes that #i think its more he doesnt have the time to or allows himself to process shit so it stays locked in its box. out of sight out of mind #okay enough rambling #sorry I just really love him 🥺 #the fucking snap back to his positive demeanor after having a nightmare rawly exposing some of his insecurities gave me terminal whiplash

[chuuyasnumber1simp]

Pained Dreams- Senku x Fem! Reader

a/n: sorry this more focuses on Senku and not really him and readers relationship :/

also i kinda feel like Senku would be really dumb when it comes to emotions and his own problems

Genre: hurt/comfort, a bit of angst. Fluffy confession at the end :)

Warnings: hints at past trauma, hints at depression if you squint, panic attacks, PTSD, Gen being emotionally smart, Senku being emotionally stunted

Word Count: 3518

3rd Person POV: 

Senku was a logical person. 

He knew that he had PTSD, he knew that these nightmares were messing up his sleep schedule and quality of sleep. 

He simply chose to ignore it. 

He was building mankind from the ground up, in the stone age. He was chief of Ishigami village. He couldn’t take a break, not now, and not ever. Not until civilization was back to the way it was before. Besides, would it be fair to burden anybody but himself with his issues? 

They were his and his alone. He was strong. He couldn’t let them see even a moment of weakness. They needed to know that he would be there for all of them. Even though he didn’t show it, he cared for each and every one of them, right down to Ginro. And though he would never dream of telling her while they were both so busy, he cared for y/n too. Senku often dreamt of her, but never in a dirty way. 

He dreamt of fleeting glances and soft touches, the gentle caress of one’s hands upon another’s face, just merely being there for one another. If that were his reality, it would have been enough. 

But it wasn’t.

So he kept pushing himself to do better, accomplish more, do more. Hoping that one day, he could achieve his rose-tinted dream.  

Now his dreams were all the same. The same scene playing on a loop, but getting worse each time. 

Tsukasa kills him. 

Tsukasa kills him painfully. 

Senku doesn’t wake up. 

Taiju and Yuzihira have to bury his body. 

He fails. 

He fails his friends, fails his father, fails mankind, fails his beloved y/n. All he could hear was the sound of Tsukasa’s staff cracking against his neck. Pain, and then darkness. 

You failed them. You failed everyone. 

Senku jerks himself awake, sweat coating his body. He just barely stifles a scream, instead choosing to grip his neck, as if assuring himself that he was still alive. His vermillion eyes darted around the room, The darkness in the hut meant that it was still night, but instead of silence feeling comforting as it usually did, it suffocated him. Wrapped around his throat and choked him, until all that consumed his thoughts was the possibility of danger awaiting him outside the little hut he shared with the h/c girl. Senku’s breaths were short and ragged, on the verge of hyperventilating. He tried to breathe slowly, but he couldn’t suck any air in- he couldn’t breathe.

His whole body shook with the effort of calming himself down, the last thing he wanted was to rouse the sleeping body next to him. Slowly sliding out of his makeshift sleeping bag, he creeped out of the hut and into shadowed woods surrounding him. He needed to be somewhere quiet, somewhere his raging thoughts would shut up for just a moment. 

He didn’t know how long he walked, and he didn’t know when he started hearing footsteps. They were everywhere and nowhere at once, and he didn’t know what to do. He was unarmed and alone, though his pursuer probably knew that. They got closer, and right as they were within fifteen feet away from him they stopped. 

Senku whirled around suspecting Magma or worse- Tsukasa Empire agents, but he stopped when he was met with a familiar face. 

“You don’t look too good Senku-chan,”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How long has this been going on?” 

Gen and Senku sat beneath a tree, faces illuminated by the moon. 

“About a year now,”

Senku could feel Gen’s gaze on him, yet he couldn’t bring himself to meet his friend’s eyes. 

“You’ve been dealing with panic attacks and PTSD for a year and didn’t tell anyone?”

Senku drew his knee’s up to his chest and wrapped his bandaged arms around them. 

“I couldn’t bother anyone with my useless problems, not when we’re all so busy,” 

“Doe’s y/n know?”

Senku sucked in a breath at his crush’s name. 

“No,”

Gen sighed and turned towards the stars. 

“You know, for someone who’s an incredibly smart scientist, you can be really dumb Senku-chan,”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two stayed as they were for many hours, Gen never speaking, but his presence was soothing. Without using words, he showed that he was someone that Senku could rely on, someone that would be there for him. Senku may not have shown it, but he is forever grateful that he happened to meet the mentalist. His quiet strength was something Senku admired, and Senku knew he too cared more than he let on.

It was nice. 

Senku didn’t know how nice it could be to have somebody else be by his side when he felt so cold, so alone. Scared, even. 

As if he could hear the other’s thoughts, Gen spoke. 

“Being scared doesn't make you weak, Senku. It is in human nature to be scared of something. Without fear we are foolish and reckless. However, while fear may keep us alive, it doesn't allow us to truly live either,”

Senku snorted. “You sound some weird old man trying to give me advice he read on an inspirational poster,”

Gen shrugged his shoulders. “It’s true. How long do you honestly think you can keep living like this?”

“As long as i have too,” 

“We both know you can’t live like this forever. Everyone has a breaking point, Senku. You just haven’t hit yours yet,”

“And when did you get all serious?”

“When did you start acting so stupid?”

Gen paused for a moment before continuing. 

“So how long have you liked y/n?”

Senku choked on hair, practically hacking up a lung and his friends out of the blue inquiry. 

“I do not like y/n. She’s a great friend, but we’re nothing more than that,”

Gen narrowed his eyes. 

“Senku-chan, I'm a mentalist. Identifying and analyzing human behavior is my specialty. Did you think I wouldn't notice?”

Senku swallowed thickly, not knowing how to respond.

“Actually, i’m pretty sure everyone’s noticed. Even Ginro,” 

“Yeah, right,”

“How could we not? You look at her like she’s the sun. Whenever she helps you, or is just in your general vicinity, your grin gets a thousand times wider. We all see the way you look at her softly when you think she isn’t looking. The way you look at her like you would walk to the moon and back for her. It’s honestly painful,”

The red eyed boy scowled at those words.

Gen ignored his glares and continued. “It’s not painful because you’re so obviously in love with her,” Senku bristled at the word ‘love’. “It’s painful because she looks at you the same way, like you could kill someone, and she’d still be irrefutably in love with you. But you’re both so stuck in your own heads you can’t see it,” 

“How am i supposed to tell her? No matter how you think she looks at me, neither of us know for sure if she likes me. I’d rather keep it to myself and live with it than ruin our relationship by shoving possibly unrequited feelings onto her,” 

Gen turned towards the stars once more. 

“i don’t have an answer to that. That’s just a risk you’ll have to take,” 

Once the sun had risen well over the horizon, Gen silently helped Senku up and walked back to the village. 

As they approached they heard the shouts, both concerned and angry, neither a nice thing to come back to.

“They couldn’t have gotten far! Senku wouldn’t allow himself to be captured when we’re this far into our work!” 

Senku identified that voice as none other than y/n, and he let out a soft chuckle at the sound of her defending him so resolutely. 

Gen wasn’t so lucky, as the pair heard Kohaku say:

“I never really trusted Asagiri anyway. He’s a lying snake and he probably took Senku back to Tsukasa!”

“My my Kohaku-chan, i’m rather hurt by your words,”

Kohaku hurled a spear past Gen’s head and he flinched as it just barely grazed his cheek.

“Where did you take Senku?” She growled, holding her knife up to his throat.

“Relax! I didn't take him anywhere. In fact, he’s the one who dragged me out at the crack of dawn to go look for some plant he needed for some science thing. And after grueling hours of looking he didn’t even find it!”

Senku made his appearance at the end of Gen’s statement, hoping no one could see through their facade. 

“It’s not my fault you kept complaining so long we didn’t actually get to look,”

Senku locked eyes with y/n, and had to resist tearing his eyes away from her intense gaze. 

When she came to Ishigami Village, exhausted and dehydrated after somehow escaping the Tsukasa Empire, she was scared to meet anyone’s gaze. She never expanded on why she left exactly, but the haunted look in her eyes when she arrived said all they needed to know. Now, Senku found it hard to keep eye contact without squirming under her scrutinizing stare. Her e/c eyes conveyed that she knew he was lying, but knew not to bring it up here in front of everyone. 

Finally, she looked back at Gen and gave him a wide grin. 

“It’s fine! Just tell someone next time! We were all so worried about Senku. We can’t have our favorite scientist disappearing on us now can we?”

Gen seemed to also take the hint that she saw straight through them, but wasn’t about to expose them right here. 

“R-Right. Sorry Y/N-chan,” 

Once the crowd dispersed and everyone quieted down, Y/N stomped over to Senku. 

Gen looked between the girl and the boy, and quickly excused himself. 

Senku stared at the ground, refusing to meet her gaze. As neared him, he silently prepared himself for answering the questions she was about to ask. 

Your POV:

As much as you wanted to be mad at the scientist, you just couldn’t. The bags under his eyes were apparent, like he’d been out all night. Guilt and worry flashed in his scarlet depths, and he looked everywhere but you the closer you got to him. 

He shifted from foot to foot, and you never thought you’d see the Senku Ishigami nervous. 

“Look, Y/N—“

His sentence was cut off by your arms wrapping around his sides and gripping him with so much force he was scared he would pass out. 

“Don’t ever do that again! Do you know how worried I was?”

He stiffened at your touch, not knowing how to handle your body pressed against his, your face obscured by his chest. Slowly, he lowered his arms until they wrapped around you, and rocked back and forth. 

“I know. I’m sorry,” He mumbled, still not quite sure where this was going or what you were going to do. 

“I know you and Gen were lying, Senku,” 

Senku took a sharp breath in, mentally preparing for this conversation. 

“But, for the sake of my sanity, we are not going to talk about that right now. Whatever was so important that you had to leave during the middle of the night with Gen and come back after sunrise can wait until this evening. For now, promise me you won’t give me a heart attack by not being here when I wake up?”

His heart clenched at the thought of you waking up in a panic because he was nowhere to be found. He wrapped his pinky around yours, just like you would have done in the modern world. 

“I pinky promise,” 

You smiled and pushed off him, going to join Ginro, Kinro, and Kohaku in training. 

Time Skip brought to you by me being lazy

Senku knew he was being immature by avoiding you and consequently, the conversation you wanted to have with him, but he just couldn’t bring himself to lay himself bare. 

But, unfortunately, life had other plans for him. 

You watched Chrome and Senku joking around, both discussing science things that went right over your head. You were perfectly content watching them laugh, because when Senku came back, he didn’t look like his normal self. 

You had only known him for about six months, but you knew someone who wasn’t doing well when you saw them. 

You watched Senku elbow Chrome, and Chrome elbowing him back. Senku elbowed back harder, but Chrome, instead of continuing to elbow the scientist, he jokingly chopped Senku on the back of the neck. 

You watched with horror as all the color drained from Senku’s face as he went completely rigid. His eyes seemed unfocused, like he didn’t recognize anyone or anything. 

You’d seen a lot of emotions on Senku’s face, but you’d never seen this one. 

You never thought you’d see pure terror paint his face. 

In a few short moments, his breathing grew more and more ragged, and you immediately ran to his aid. 

Chrome was shaking Senku’s shoulder, trying to bring him out of it. 

“Senku? Senku, please talk to me man!” Chrome turned His frantic gaze on you. “Please help him! I don’t know how!” 

But of course, you did. 

You knew exactly what was happening to him, because you yourself had gone through it many times after leaving the Tsukasa Empire. Willing yourself to remain calm, you turned to Chrome. 

“Go get Gen. Hurry please,” 

Chrome shot off to wherever Gen was, but your focus was on the man having a panic attack in front of you. 

“Senku? It’s going to be okay, i’m right here. Do you know who I am?”

Senku only nodded his head in response. 

“Good, you're going to be okay. Do you know where you are?”

Senku took deeper breaths in a weak attempt at breathing normally.

“I-I’m at t-the village” 

“That’s right, see, you’re safe here. I’m going to touch you okay?”

Once he nodded, You gently took his hand in yours and rubbed soothing circles on his back. 

“How about we go somewhere that’s not so open. I’m going to take you back to the hut okay?” 

Once more the only response he managed was a weak nod, so hand in hand, you guided him back to where you both slept at night. 

“Try matching my breathing. Deep breath in, and deep breath out. Can you do that for me? 

After getting away from all the prying eyes, he finally started breathing normally, and wasn’t shaking nearly as much as before. 

Gen knocked twice on the outside announcing his arrival, then stepped in, carefully not making too much noise. 

“How is he doing?” 

“I'm right here you know,” Senku croaked from beside you. 

“I’m guessing you want an explanation?” Gen settled himself in front of you, grey depths darting between you and the clearly exhausted man next to you. 

“An explanation would be appreciated,” 

Gen looked at Senku for approval, and when he nodded, he explained it all. The PTSD, why, and even the nightmares. 

By the end, Senku was asleep on your shoulder, and if not for the severity of the situation, you would have been a blushing mess. 

“So he’s been dealing with all of this for a year? And he hasn’t told anyone?”

“I only found out last night, after what I'm assuming a nightmare woke him up and he went for a walk in the woods. The sound of someone walking around woke up and upon seeing the state he was in, I followed him,”

You only hummed in response, both being angry at him for keeping something so serious to himself, and being sad at what he had to go through. 

“I know it’s hard Y/N, but please don’t be mad at him. He did what he thought was best, and however misguided he may have been, I don't think being mad at him is going to help in the slightest,”

“I know,” Looking over at the man twitching in his sleep, you could imagine what his dreams must be like. Going against your better judgment, even with Gen sitting right across from you, you softly ran your fingers through his hair, hoping to provide even the slightest bit of comfort.

“I know how much you love him. It must hurt seeing him in so much pain,” 

“I know why he did it, and i can’t be mad at him for it. But I just wish he would let me be there for him, the way he’s here for all of us. I do love him, but how could i possibly confess to him, especially now that i know what he’s been going through?”

“That’s for you to decide,” 

“I’ve done a good job of hiding things thus far. Not even you know everything about me. Only he knows how i think, what i think,” 

Gen turned his gaze into the man who stopped twitching even at the minimal amount of comfort you offered. 

“But you also feel deeply, and that is difficult to hide,” 

He turned back to you. “My advice? Just be there for him. I know he cares deeply for you, he told me himself. All you need to do now is tell him, but also show him how much you care. After all, words without actions are empty,” 

As Gen turned to leave, you scoffed. 

“When did you get so serious?” 

He stopped just at the entrance. 

“It’s funny,” He locked eyes with you once more. “He said the exact same thing.” 

Another Timeskip~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No one talked about the incident. 

You knew they did it out of consideration, but in all honesty the atmosphere changed and it was very awkward. Chrome stopped touching Senku all together, and Kohaku spoke like he was made of porcelain and he might break if she said the wrong thing. 

Until finally, Senku snapped. 

Everyone was sitting around the fire, except instead of the usual lively chatter, there was sparse and dry small talk, and Senku couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Alright listen up. I’m not going to die if you touch me Chrome, and you all don’t need to treat me like some fragile thing that might die if you say the wrong thing. I’m still the same Senku you idiots,” 

Kohaku was the first to speak. “We would all rather if you let us be here for you Senku. Even though you don’t say it, we all know you care about us. It shows in your actions, but how could you keep something like this from us? We’re your friends and we’re here to help you!” 

Suika shook her head vigorously, and Chrome shouted “yeah!”

Senku shook his head in mock annoyance. 

“Yeah whatever. Just don’t touch my neck dummies. Are we all good now?” 

Everyone nodded, but it was you who responded. 

“Yeah. We’re all good,” 

Senku gave you a smile so soft you swore you face became hotter than the crackling in front of you, and you quickly excused yourself. Maybe a brisk walk in the nighttime air would calm you down. 

Finding a nice quiet spot overlooking the river, you plopped yourself down on the grass, gazing at the moon's reflection on the silver water. 

Leaves crunching behind you alerted you to someone else’s presence, and you craned your neck backwards only to lock eyes with the man that made you this nervous in the first place. 

“Hey,” 

“Hey,” 

He sat down next to you and shifted his weight into his hands and leaned back, gazing at the stars. 

You knew that this was it. This was the moment. The area was beautiful, the timing perfect. 

“I think i-“

“i wanted to say-“

you both chucked at interrupting each other, and you spoke first. 

“You go ahead,”

Senku took a deep breath. 

“Thank you. For everything. I never thought i’d ever have a panic attack, let alone in the middle of the village,”

“Of course! You were there for me whenever i was having a bad day when i first arrived, so it’s only natural i’d be there for you,” 

“And I…” Senku’s voice got quieter during the rest of his sentence. 

“Hmm?” 

Quietly, he turned to you and took your hands in his. 

“I like you a lot more than just a simple crush. The word sounds too childlike to describe how I feel about you. If you want me to put it in words, I would tell you that I love you. I love you Y/N, ten billion percent,” 

You grinned wide and his confession, and leaned forward to capture his lips in yours.

“I love you too, Senku,” 

“Ohoho, am i interrupting something?” Gen said, appearing from behind a tree a few feet away. 

You lept away from Senku like he had the plague, but he only chuckled at Gen.

“Yeah, you kind of are,” 

Gen gave the both of you a sly grin. “I’ll leave the two of you to it then,” 

Senku grabbed you and kissed you again, and you could feel him smiling against your lips. 

And somehow, you knew everything would be okay.

#senku x reader #senku ishigami x reader #dr. stone #dr. stone x reader

[spicymayo1983]

Hiya. This is chapter 17. You have returned to Yavin 4 to bury your baby daughter.

It's a time to reflect on your relationship and future together.

A revelation from Poe's past brings you closer together.

Warnings, angst, flashbacks of smut, grief, female receiving oral sex, loss of a child, not for anyone under 18.

Instead of bringing your new baby home you were burying her next to her grandparents.

You were sad and angry at the same time. Somehow you blamed yourself for the loss.

The ceremony was short and minimal. You were too heartbroken to even name her so instead the tombstone read "Baby girl Dameron".

After the funeral you and Poe stay by yourselves, you were staying with Kes Dameron and he was watching his grandson.

You're so grief stricken that you were silent. No tears, no emotion, nothing, you were too shocked to have a reaction.

"My heart is shattered". Poe confesses, the tears rolling down his cheeks. "Our little girl, gone, just like that".

"It's my fault, I know it is". You tell him, your voice devoid of emotion and your eyes blank and unmoving. "It has to be".

"No, stop it". Poe tells you, a slight hint of frustration apparent in his voice. "I hate how you always beat yourself up over things that you have no control over".

"You don't just lose two babies like that". You continue, as bitter tears roll down your cheeks. "You don't, you can't".

"Yes you can". Poe insists, his voice starting to shake from emotion. "I know, too well, believe me".

10 years earlier, D'Qar

He'd seen her around before and had enjoyed flirtatious banter with her before.

Her name was Reesayan Larchar, or "Rees" for short.

She was a beautiful, blonde haired rebellion captain, finally after knowing each other for awhile Poe asked her out.

Their relationship was a casual one, mainly he'd meet up with her to satisfy each other's sexual needs.

"Love" really wasn't there, but there was great sexual chemistry.

"Fuck, your cock is so huge".

"It is?"

Poe and Rees are fooling around late one night. They were both drunk and she was teasing him about being unable to fit most of his cock inside of her mouth.

With a slight laugh Poe rolls Rees over on her back, spreads her legs and started to lightly suck on her clit as he teased her wet hole with his finger.

Poe ate pussy like a pro. It was a known fact around the base. He loved doing it too.

Rees had sought him out because of the stories that she had heard.

Poe licked, sucked, fingered and tongue fucked her into a state of sheer orgasmic bliss.

With his mind clouded by alcohol, without thinking, he then rolled her over on all fours, grabbed her hips and just started pounding into her.

"Damn". Rees curses with a breathless moan as she could feel his large cock stretching her tight, wet walls.

"Do you want me to?" Poe asked with a slight smile, his gorgeous curly hair askew.

"Mmm, yes, go ahead". Rees moaned as she bit her lower lip.

Neither one of them was on birth control but Poe figured that once wouldn't hurt. He loved to cum inside of his partners, it felt more intimate to him.

Weeks later Poe received an urgent message from Rees. One time did hurt, she was pregnant.

Poe left the option up to her, and she decided to keep the baby.

They mutually decided to end their sexual relationship but co-parent the child together. It seemed like a win-win situation, Poe couldn't wait for his baby to arrive.

Her pregnancy went along smoothly, Rees was having a baby boy that they had planned on naming Vega.

The baby seemed to be doing okay. He was a little small but otherwise healthy.

Poe was there in the delivery room when she gave birth. The baby was completely silent when he was born, he knew immediately that something was wrong.

Their son never breathed a single breath or opened his eyes.

The grief was unbearable for both of them. Poe just cradled his baby boy and cried harder than he'd ever cried before in his life. Rees transferred out of D'Qar shortly afterwards and he never saw her again.

Present day

"Oh Poe, I had no idea". You tell him as you lean over and give him a tender kiss on the cheek.

"It's still hard for me to talk about". Poe explained, kissing you back, the tears rolling down his cheeks. "As horrible as these things are they really do just happen".

You move closer to Poe and put your arm around him. You look deeply into his eyes and tell him,

"I had no idea".

"It still hurts all these years later". He continued, hanging his head down. "He would have been 10 this year, I always think about what he would be like today".

The two of you share one of those intimate embraces that make you forget about your troubles for a little while.

"We've got to keep reminding ourselves to be strong for our son". You tell him softly. "Boe needs us".

"Of course". Poe replied with a slight smile. "He's our miracle child".

Poe's revelation about his lost son broke his heart. He's buried 3 children. Your son that you shared together was truly a miracle.

Boe is already sound asleep like a good little boy when you return to the Dameron family farm.

You're about a month postpartum. Your c section scar is fresh but healing well. You hate it because to you it represents a constant reminder of your loss.

Poe is already relaxing in bed, nude and on top of the covers, reading a book.

Seeing him like that makes you desire him, the way the low light reflected off of his smooth, tan skin.

And the graying hair, ugh, how dare he.

You just wanted to touch him, explore every inch of his body. But it was too soon to have sex.

You feel guilty for having these feelings. Snap out of it! You scream at yourself silently as you join your gorgeous husband in bed.

As soon as you lay down next to him Poe rolls over and wraps his arms around you in a tight, intimate embrace.

"Poe, we can't". You warn him with a slight laugh.

"I know, but I can please you other ways". He tells you as he starts to kiss and suck on your neck.

You know exactly what he wants. But you weren't feeling very comfortable in your own skin at that particular time.

"Everything is a mess down there". You tell him with a slight laugh. "It's not the same neat little pussy that you're used to seeing".

"Oh babe". Poe tells you as his kisses become more passionate. "It doesn't matter, I love your body but I love you most of all".

His hand slides between your legs and his fingers gently begin to tease and touch your wetness. The sensation feels almost electric, you haven't had pleasure like this in a long time.

"You need to cum". Poe whispered seductively into your ear as he continued to caress your wet folds with his fingers.

You roll over on your back, his head immediately goes between your legs, and he finds your clit.

Poe's lips latch onto your swollen clit and he starts to suck it gently as two fingers gently massage your wet hole.

When you cum your tight muscles grab onto his fingers and gush warm fluid all over them. Poe immediately pulls his fingers out and licks them clean, tasting every drop of your essence.

He then starts to lick, from your clit all the way down to the crack of your ass. Slow, deliberate, almost painful movements, you feel like he's devouring and tasting you.

When his tongue enters you the pleasure is too much and you scream his name as you climax hard.

One intense orgasm is all you can endure that night, afterwards you are feeling cuddly but extremely tired.

"I told you that you needed that". Poe whispered into your ear as he pulled you tight.

"You were right". You reply with a slight laugh.

You giggle as Poe begins to softly kiss you again.

The next morning you were planning on returning home, as you slept restlessly you couldn't help but fret about your future, and your health.

End of chapter 17

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron smut #star wars #star wars smut #poe dameron x you #poe dameron imagine #fanfic smut #fanfic #fanfiction

[ticklikeabomb]

The Language of Limbo - Part 4

Pairing : Chris Evans x Plus Size Reader ; Marvel Cast x Plus Size Reader

Warnings : Language ; Angst ; Mention of drinking

Word Count : 2.7k

You sprinted out to your trailer and ignoring Hemsworth's calls in the process. Once you got inside your safe space, your leaned against the door and let yourself slide down, crying your heart out, a mix of emotions going over you : sadness, disappointment, anger, shame. Your mind kept replaying Rebecca's word on a loop and you lost it completely until you eventually fell asleep on the couch. You were woken up by knocks on your door. You sighed heavily not wanting to face anyone but the person behind the door was persistent. You opened up not bothering in cleaning the traces of your sadness. Elisabeth entered in your trailer and without a word hugged you. A fresh new wave of tears cascaded down your face while she was rubbing your arms in support. "I heard the news, I'm so sorry Y/N." You nodded, hiding yourself from her. "The cast is also worried but wanted to give you some space. They send their regards to you nonetheless", she continued slowly.

You sat down on the couch and took a deep breath before exclaiming, "God this sucks." She sat beside you, comforting you. "It does. I don't know what came over the ones in charge, you were doing so good. I don't understand. Now we have to reshoot the scenes all over again", she told you. "Months of preparation and hard work and I didn't even get the chance to prove myself", you replied with a cracking voice. She grabbed your face and looked into your eyes, "Listen to me Y/N, you are strong and will nail the Shield agent part. I know you will, so show them what they lost." You nodded and hugged her tightly. "Thank you Lizzie." She wiped out the remaining tears and told you that RDJ was hosting another get together for the newbie. "I know it's delicate but it would be good if you were present." You shook your head, "I'm sorry I can't. I won't be able to be there and act like nothing happened. Rebecca, she…", you said but cut short to it. "She what Y/N?", asked Lizzie. "No nothing, it's nothing. I can't go, I'm sorry and besides I have work to do in memorizing the new lines." She nodded in understanding and left. "If you need anything you know where to find me." You thanked her again and saw her leaving.

Meanwhile during RDJ's get together

Just like they did to you, Scarlet and Mackie showed Rebecca around while doing small-talk and trying to get to know her. "I guess you will have to catch on fast on all the fighting moves for the scenes?", remarked Mackie. "Oh I think it will not be so difficult, I'm a fast learner and in good shape, I'm sure I'll know all of it in two days' time", she replied all smiling. "Ohhhkay", replied Mackie slightly taken aback by her assurance. They arrived at Downey Town and the rest of the cast greeted her. Elisabeth put on a her best fake smile while doing so, smile that caught the attention of Rebecca, who saved that expression for her future plans. She asked about the shooting so far and felt particularly intrigued at one of Robert's remarks. "I'm curious how you will top Y/N's chemistry with Chris." She gave him a skeptical look and asked, "What do you mean?" The older actor cleared his throat and replied back with a teasing smirk, "Y/N and Chris are love interests in the movie and their chemistry showed onscreen because it was already flawless offscreen." She scoffed not believing her ears. "Well it's a good thing that she won't play Chris's love interest anymore, since I'm Y/C/N now. I'm not afraid, I like a challenge, if we could call that one." "You seem really confident there?", mumbled Hemsworth from the other end of the table. "I know my strengths and what I want in life. Once there's something I want, I'll do everything I can to obtain it." Some actors nodded, not understanding the whole meaning of her words. "That's a good philosophy", replied Mark with a smile.

After a while, she set her plan in motion. "I don't want to overstep or anything, I mean you've been around her longer than I have but I don't get why you're all praising Y/N so much. I mean, I met her the day they revealed us who was casted and had some time to chat with her and she just seemed extremely rude to me." The cast frowned at her words, not really believing her. "Nonsense, Y/N is one of the sweetest people I know", counterattacked Elisabeth. Rebecca gasped and said, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause trouble or implying anything, it was just my feeling at that moment, the way she talked about some of you and all." The last part caught everyone's attention. "What do you mean 'talked about some of us'?", asked Tom cautiously. She shook her head and said, "You know what? Just forget that I said anything. I don't want any drama or whatever. I just want to be part of this already established family and do good in the movie." The rest of the cast looked around at each other thinking about her words, some not entirely sure if they should believe her since they've spend time with you and saw that you weren't like that. At the same time, some others began to question themselves, because they didn't know you for long.

Elisabeth was fuming, seeing an outsider not only take the place that was rightfully yours but criticize you on top of it. "Thank you Robert for diner. I'm going to bed", she said before abruptly standing up and leaving the table. "She seems upset", said Rebecca with her best sweet voice. "Yeah, she's friends with Y/N. I don't think your little comments from earlier made her happy", announced Jeremy. She bowed her head in fake shame but was mentally smirking. "I'm really sorry it wasn't my attention", she whispered with a cracking voice. "Hey let's not worry about that. Think of it as a new start, focus on your job and everything will go fine", comforted RDJ in a fatherly manner. She nodded and thanked him before excusing herself and call it a night. "I planted the seed, now I'll have to wait until the little bees come and collect their nectar", she mumbled proudly to herself once in her trailer.

It's been a few days since the recasting. You would either stay inside your trailer, hit the gym to let some steam off or spend time at the small cafe around the corner, going over your part in the script. You began shutting everyone out one by one because you were trying to focus on how you wanted to embody the tech agent without turning it into a complete cliché. The more you stepped back the more Rebecca used it against you to get closer to the cast and have them on her side. She began dropping hints here and there about your absence and how antisocial you were.

One day, she took advantage of Elizabeth not being present to criticize you. "It makes me wonder if she really cared hanging out for you or because of how much she could gain in being associated with you", she said once when they were on the lunch break. "Why are you always talking bad about her?", asked Mark slightly annoyed of hearing her complain all the time. She swallowed harshly and put on her best innocent act. "I'm just frustrated. I know she hates me, she has made it clear but it just annoys me that she talks shit about you but when she's in front of you, she acts all friendly and all. Her hypocrisy makes me sick." It was Chris (Evans)'s turn to speak up. "You keep saying that but do you have any prove of it."

She scoffed annoyed before bursting out, "I know she keeps asking questions about your personal life for example, just like a stalker would. You must be blind to not see how smitten she is about you. It doesn't only revolve around you but goes beyond. I was drinking some water after a scene and saw a phone churn on the table. I recognized her phone and a certain Scott Evans was texting her. I suppose it's your brother", she finished. Chris clenched his jaw in anger, not believing you would go that far to get to him. "Is it true? Did you noticed it too?", he asked around him. Some of the actors seemed uncomfortable because it was indeed true that there was a time where you would ask them about Chris and his personal life. "It happened once or twice", revealed Scarlet. Rebecca saw the glimpse of the prominent fracture occur in front of her eyes and pushed it further. "And other things she does. I overheard her once on the phone when I was walking to my trailer, where she was criticizing you Scarlet, saying that she didn't know how people could be so dumb and believe in your talent. She said you were just a body and with no talent behind. It clearly shows how jealous she in fact is. Or when she said how you Mackie should shut the fuck up already because your jokes weren't funny at all", she rambled while pointing at them. "And let me not start with what she said about you Robert." "It's enough, I don't want to hear about it", he replied not interested. The thick air surrounded the cast, Scarlet, Mackie and Chris fuming about what they just heard. Chris stood up angrily and walked away, isolating himself in his own trailer, thinking about what he should do with all these information.

Today was your first scene as the Shield agent. You walked out of the makeup trailer and marched to the set. When you arrived you saw that they were still filming a scene and not just only a scene. THE scene, where Steve and what was supposed to be your character, would share their first kiss. You saw Rebecca launching on Chris's lips and it made you sick. "It was supposed to be me", the thought crossing your mind. You bowed down your head before taking control of your emotions and focus on your part. You left your phone on silence next to your chair and went over your lines one last time. "Y/N? you're up", you heard one of the Russo brothers shout. You stood up, leaving your script and phone on the chair and got in position to shoot your scene. While you were shooting a scene between Mark and RDJ, Chris sat on his own chair who was beside yours. He was taking a gulp of his water when the reflection of the screen beside him caught his attention. It wasn’t his intention to look at it but when he saw his brother's name, he paled.

From Scott Evans : Hey Y/N, how are you? How has it been going regarding Chris?

His blood began to boil and he clenched his jaw in fury. "So it is true", he quietly mumbled to himself. You finished your scene and head back to your seat. You noticed Chris looking angry and frowned. "Everything alright?", you asked him. "We need to talk !", he spat. You were taken aback by his hostility and before you could answer, he stood up and walked away, leaving you dumbfounded. The small altercation didn't go unnoticed by some of the cast and especially Rebecca who was biting on her lip in order to control her grin. "The fuck", you whispered to yourself. You continued your work the best you could but Chris's expression and tone he employed were always on your mind. During breaks, Mackie would make jokes but because you were thinking about the altercation, you wouldn't laugh. "Jeez, apparently some do think my jokes suck and instead of telling it to my face, just prefer to be fake", he said while looking directly at you. You didn't caught the meaning behind his words but it still sting a little to you. The day was over for you and left the others behind who still had two scenes to shoot.

Elizabeth approached Mackie and asked him what was his comment about. "Nothing, forget about it", he just replied before turning around and rolling his eyes at her for defending you. She walked to Scarlet with a frown and the blond actress asked her what was going on. "I don't know, I feel like everyone is just being cold with Y/N and I have no idea why", mumbled Lizzie. Scarlet cleared her voice before commenting, "I don't know, maybe Y/N isn't who she pretends to be." To that, Lizzie looked at Scarlet in the eyes and with an annoyed expression, "What is that supposed to mean?" Scarlet sighed not really in the mood but eventually told Lizzie what was going on. "That's why we're keeping our distances. Chris found out today that she's indeed in contact with his brother and that the main topic of conversation was Chris." Lizzie gasped not believing her words. "Come on Elizabeth we know you're friends but you're not that close. You've worked together, what, 5 years ago. People change and besides it's not like it's a close friend of yours. She might be using you too", declared Scarlet. Lizzie was lost, not knowing who to believe in. It was indeed true that you weren't that close. If it wasn't for Aaron she probably wouldn't even know you but still she found it hard to believe.

You were finishing putting on your clothes when harsh knocks were heard on your door. You quickly buttoned your jeans and put on your sneakers before opening the door and seeing Chris stand in front of you. "Can I come in?", he asked with a firm voice. "Ehm sure", you replied with a frown. The air was thick and uncomfortable. "So what do you wanted to talk about?", you asked. He sighed before looking angrily at you. "I don't know why you've been asking around about me but I don't like when people put their nose where they don't belong, especially if it involves my family." Your mouth opened in shock and your face was burning in shame. "Wha-what?", you whispered. "I know you've been texting my brother about me and I also know you've got a thing for me." He walked closer and you took a step back, the movement making him stop. He took a deep breath before declaring, "You and me. It's never gonna happen, so stop stalking me. Don't talk to me ever again and stay away from my family !" You stood there in shock and felt the silent tears sliding down your face. "Get out", you whispered. "What did you say?", he asked. You gulp harshly, "Get out ! GET OUT ! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY TRAILER"!, you shouted in despair, pushing him out. His eyes went wide and he almost tripped while exiting. You smashed the door on his face and felt on the ground, crying, deeply hurt by his words. Mason who was on his way to your trailer, saw you pushing Chris out of your trailer, a crying mess and he had to control himself to not launch on him and punch him in the face. He followed Chris until he was out of sight and his eyes landed on Rebecca who was hiding in a corner, smiling proudly. He promised himself to dig into it and have an eye on the one he immediately felt a bad connection with.

You took your phone, wrote Scott a small and vague message before deleting his number. You cleaned your face and got out, heading to the cornerstone. Once you arrived at the aisle you were looking for your gaze fixed for a long minute the bottle of whiskey in front of you. You grabbed two bottles along a bag of chips, so that the cashier wouldn't find it suspicious. You payed him and grabbed the bag before quickly heading back to your trailer. You took the groceries out and opened the first bottle, taking a large gulp from it. Burning your throat, the liquor gave you the comfort you needed. You kept on drinking until you couldn't stand on your feet. You opened the second bottle and drank from it until it was half empty before passing out on the floor.

* gifs not mine, credit to owner*

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[jisunwithtaeandkookie]

Can You Keep A Secret? Pt.20

Summary: Your close friend, Taehyung, shares a secret with you, a big secret: You have had a crush on Jimin for the past 6 years. But what he doesn't know is that you have done something bigger than that, something that could destroy many people's lives in seconds. That's a secret for you to keep. But something even bigger is floating in the air: what you have done could destroy BTS's friendship forever...but that's a secret even you don't know yourself.

Pairing: Reader × Jimin/Taehyung ft. Other Members

Genre: Angst

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Friday]

Ring ring.

I hadn't even put my phone down when it rang; I was still recovering from the previous call I had gotten. I had been staring at the phone for a long time. And then it rang again, making me jump a little. I smiled a little as I picked the phone up.

“Hey Kookie.”

“Chocolate,” his honey smooth voice was like a bottle of cold drink on a scorching hot day. “How's it going?”

“It's good now.” I said nodding to myself, emphasising on now.

“Glad to see that you're holding up even after all this,” I could feel his smile through his voice over the phone, after which a hint of mischief took over. “Our Y/N-ah has grown up, hasn't she?”

I laughed a little because of his childishness. “Yes, so now it’s your turn.”

“I have a busy schedule, I don't have time for that.” His bunny smile. I could feel it in his voice, this boy. “Yeah, yeah, sure.” I rolled my eyes, and he laughed again. “So can you tell me where you are right now, or too busy to do that?”

“That sarcasm though…it's dripping from your voice. Just dripping.” He was in a good mood, I could tell that. It made me feel good too. “I am in the studio. Hobi hyung had rehearsals and I’m just watching.”

“Busy schedule, my ass.” I said, and he snickered like a kid in the middle of stealing caught by his mom red-handed. “Oh, that reminded me, do you know Spring was asking me about you?” He said, changing the topic. “Yeah, I do.” I nodded lightly, slightly aware that Jungkook couldn’t see that. He was confused. “You are so mean...here I thought I had a good chance of making you feel better about all the rumors and not being able to talk to you, and you are not giving me any chance.”

I laughed lightly with only a slight hint of humor in it. “Can you make me feel good about the stuff people write on my door then?” I instantly regretted the words as soon as they came out from my mouth, and only after a second I heard him gasp a little. “People…write stuff on your door?”

“Yeah…it's okay. They can write whatever they want as long as I can ignore it.” I lied, I couldn't ignore these things but there was no way I was telling him that as it would only worry him. “Don't worry, Kookie….I'm okay.” I said again, assuring him as well as myself that I was okay.

“Okay.” His voice sounded uncertain with what I had said. “I have to go.” He said suddenly after a few seconds, and added another sentence before I could say anything. “I will call you later, okay? And we will talk lots. Just remember what I said that day, and just…hang in there.” He hung up as soon as he said the last word, and I didn't get a chance to say anything. I sat quietly for a few seconds staring at my phone, before I nodded slightly. “Okay…I will.”

Today had been weird, and good. Today had been weirdly good.

[Saturday]

It was a day off. It was a day when I could just stay home, without having to open my door, or having to go out. It was a day when I could just kick back and lie on my bed in my PJs, eating snacks and watching Netflix. I loved Saturdays.

As I went in the kitchen to get some breakfast, humming to myself happily as I did so, I frowned on opening the refrigerator. There was nothing in there. Which would mean I had to go to the convenience store. I hated Saturdays.

I came out the door, dreading to step outside. I felt like I was in a scene of a horror movie, except two things: it was daytime and the fact that I would have been much less scared if I found ghosts instead of people. Sighing to myself, I wondered how much crazier I had to become. And as I was closing the door, my gaze fell upon it, and I was surprised. The door had been spray painted over the part where people had written stuff.

I smiled, and soon my smile turned into a wide grin. I left my house with that wide grin on my face and an assurance that I was not alone, that there were people who were with me. I laughed a little at his childishness again.

"Kookie...thank you." I said as soon as he picked up. "Huh?" Was his answer before I cut the call and stepped forward to the store. Nothing else needed to be said. Nothing else needed to be cleared up. Just a thank you without any context was sufficient enough for him from me.

The trip to the convenience store was as usual, people kept staring at me. Most of the people staring were teenage and young girls, and I went through all of it without breaking a sweat. Well, I could feel their gazes on me, and that also was making me annoyed as well as anxious, but I managed to ignore them all as I went through the store, occasionally bumping into a few people who also had a few words to share with me. Some were good, and the rest were bad words. I ignored them, patiently at the start and a little impatiently around the end, but overall I managed to get out of there without any major incidents. Maybe I was getting used to this new life. I didn't know if that was good or bad.

As I neared the house, my phone rang again. I checked the phone. Unknown number, it said. I hit the cancel button without any further ado, I knew who this was from…because rarely anyone ever called me and even if they did, they didn’t do it from an unknown number. It was not hard to figure out who would be calling me.

Putting the phone back in my pocket, I looked up at my door, and got the second surprise of the day as I looked at what was in front of me. Two young boys who looked not a day more than 17-18 years old were there, standing in front of my door, looking at what I presumed to be their newest inscription on my door.

“Man, this is so fun.” One of the boys snickered. “I can't wait until she sees this.” The other boy joined in the snickering.

I looked at the door. Bitch lives here, it said on my door. Could I say that I was still not bothered? I was not so sure anymore.

“We need to get a video recording of her reaction when she looks at this.” The first boy winked, looking the second one. “Can you imagine if we upload that on YouTube? People watch anything these days, and it's related to Y/N…Think about the views the video-"

“Excuse me, but this is my home, and it is my doorstep you are standing at.” I stepped forward, cutting them off. They both looked at me for a second, and as soon as they saw me, their eyes grew wide with recognition, though after a second it was replaced by a smirk. “Yeah, we know, it says so on the door.” The second boy said, and the boys shared a small laugh, looking at each other.

I gulped, holding back all the emotions I was feeling – anger, pain, frustration, desperation – inside me. “I will need you to step away from the door, please.”

The boys shared a look, and left, giving each other a high-five as they walked past me. I stood alone on the road, looking at the door, looking at the new custom-made sign on my door. Clenching my hands into fists, I wanted to cry, but no tears came out.

I hated Saturdays.

[Sunday]

“Ma'am, please come out, we just want to talk.” A female voice called from outside. I buried my face deeper in my pillow, wanting to drown out the noises which sadly wasn’t working.

“Just one minute ma'am, we just want one minute of your time.” Another voice.

“You can’t hide in there forever.” Yet another voice.

I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. Was this life now? Well, even if it was, I didn't want it to be!

Sighing, I picked my phone up from my bedside table. I had the intention of calling someone and talking to them, because I was feeling really alone. I needed to hear a voice that I recognised, all these unrecognised voices were giving me anxiety, which was increasing with time. I needed to hear a familiar voice, a familiar, comforting, friendly voice. But as I scrolled through my contacts, it scrolled down to a name which was just my luck.

Tae.

I kept looking at his name for a few seconds. Would I never be able to talk to him? If he was over me…why was he avoiding me?

God, I missed him.

Clenching my teeth, I heaved my phone up to throw it on the wall, then stopped. Sighing, I brought my hand slowly down, and with an even greater sigh, put my phone gently back on the table.

“It’s better if you just answer us, you know,” the voices from the outside continued.

“Yes, no need to hide like a coward. We know you are not a coward – so come out and show everyone that you really are not.”

This time, I buried my face in the pillow, and screamed really loud, throwing a few punches on the pillow. No one seemed to listen, and the ones who even could have listened would only have cared about it for the news it would make.

[Monday]

“Y/N, I think you should take a few days' break.”

I stood where I was, staring at the manager unbelievably. Behind me, I could hear a crowd of people gathering at the door of the shop, gossiping, trying to get me to take a look, to get me to talk to them.

“But why?”

“People are rebelling, customers are decreasing, Y/N-ie.” He said again with a smile as usual on his face. But this time, the smile was stern, I could feel it.

“So you are firing me?” I asked through clenched teeth.

“No, of course not,” he laughed weakly. “You see, I just want to get you a few days' rest, you must be so exhausted after going through so many people these days, right? So take a few days off, relax, and we will see each other after all of this is settled.”

I gritted my teeth forcefully, trying to hold back the tears that were starting to form in the corner of my eyes. I could hear the shouts of people screaming at me to show my face, to talk to them, and I looked up, gulping. This was all too much.

“I won’t be coming back.” I said, looking back at him, giving him a blank expression – I had learnt from the best. He was confused, and looked at me silently, frowning, trying to get the words in his thick skull. I took a deep breath, and added another sentence.

“I quit.”

With that, I stormed out of the shop. As soon as I exited the door, people surrounded me from all sides with their questions.

"Y/N, how does it feel like to date Jin?" "Miss Y/N, we heard that you are friends with Jungkook, is it true or are you two in a relationship?" "Why were you meeting with Suga? Was there any secret motive behind it?" "How does it feel like to be friends with BTS?" "Is this the fame that you wanted?" "Is it worth all the lies you have said to everyone?" "Did you come in their lives to date them, to be famous, or to break them?" "What is your real agenda?"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed. Pushing past everyone and shoving people out of my way, I ran, they all followed me, but I didn't care. All I cared was that it was all too much now, and I couldn't take it anymore. I was trying to be strong, but nothing works when you are this alone. When you have friends but not only are you getting hurt for being their friend, but you are also the cause of them getting hurt...maybe it is not worth all the troubles. Maybe you have to learn to let go.

Slowing down to a walk after a few minutes, I looked behind me. The people were nowhere to be seen. Maybe they had lost me. I stopped for a second, looking around to see that no one was paying attention. I sighed, turning back and resuming my walk. Looking down, I let silent tears fall from my face, dropping down on the concrete path that I was walking on. Did I need to let go? It was getting out of control. Although Jungkook had told me to hang in there, and I wanted to, because I was not a coward...but still, the problem was not that I was getting hurt. The problem was that it could be dangerous for their fame. The problem was that I could be ruining their image. The problem was that I could be hurting them. The problem...was that I could be the reason it all crumbled down for them. After all the work they had put through, I did not want to be the reason their fame was affected in any way. I did not want to do any more damage. And a bonus point - if I did this, I would not be hurt anymore.

After all, the promised week was over today.

Steeling myself, I took out my phone and started dialling Jimin's number. I was ready to do this. For real, this time.

"You can't leave yet."

"AHH, what the-" I jumped at the sudden sound, but after a second I composed myself and looked beside me. And I was stumped. For there stood the same girl from the airport, with the same words she had said to my classmate when I had met her there. This time, her beautiful face and dark brown eyes were focused on me. Who was she, and why did she keep appearing with the same words everytime?

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" I asked her calmly, while from inside I was freaking out. How did she know....?

She shrugged. "Not really. But don't do what you are about to."

I narrowed my eyes, placing my free hand on my hip. "Get out of here."

She walked away with a monotonous walk. I watched her walking away with a shiver: what the heck just happened here again?

That was when my gaze fell at the person at some distance, and I frowned, looking at him. "Hey, Namjoon, what's wrong?" I said, reaching up to him. He smiled, looking at me, and shook his head. "Nothing."

"You are limping." I looked at his leg, which he was holding lightly with one hand. "Did you get hurt?"

"A little." He said, and then he laughed weakly. "I'm okay."

"Yeah, you're okay." I scoffed. "Come on, let me walk you. You're going home, right?"

He nodded slightly, and then frowned. "There's really no need, Y/N...I am actually fine. And aren't you worried that someone might see us?"

I looked down for a moment before looking back up at him. "Yeah, actually, I had to tell you guys something. And yeah, the people don't bug me anymore."

He looked meaningfully at me, as if he knew what I meant. "Are these two connected, Y/N?" Very slowly, he asked.

I looked sideways, my eyes distant. I didn't answer...and he nodded. "Hmm. I see." I still didn't reply, and after a moment of silence, he added, "I think that's the best idea for you right now. For your sake."

I'm doing this for you, not for me, I wanted to say, but the words never left my mouth. I was going to do it anyway, so why would I waste my words in trying to sound like I was sacrificing something for them? I didn't want to make them feel like I was a burden anymore, I was sick of them trying to console me, trying to comfort me, when in reality they were also going through a hard time. They never let it show though, did they? So it was my turn to be like that.

Reaching their place, I realised it had been a long time since I had been there, and an even longer time since I had hung out with the seven of them. I might never be able to either, I told myself.

"Y/N, hey!" Jin was jumpy on seeing me. I smiled. "Hey Jin." I waved my hands but he came and gave me a hug. I gulped lightly to hold back my emotions; his hug was comforting, yet remembering what I was about to do, it was painful at the same time.

"I am so happy you came, really, from the bottom of my heart." Ending the hug, he said to me, and I frowned at his enthusiasm: was it his excitement on seeing me, or was it something else?

"Hyung will you calm down? She is my best friend." Jungkook said, sitting where he was, not even bothering to stand up.

"Why, do you feel insecure, little one?" Jin narrowed his eyes at him, smirking. "Do I need to?" Was the reply that he threw back, shrugging. Jin nodded sharply, and Jungkook stood up, clearing his throat. Coming to me and wrapping his arms fiercely around me, he stood, smiling, and Jin threw out his tongue at Jungkook, to which he did the same.

"Ugh, these two." Yoongi said, sitting on a chair, texting furiously. "How do you know what they are doing? You are on your phone." Jimin laughed. "Yoongi sees everything." He said, still on his phone. Jimin rolled his eyes, and then his eyes fell on me who was watching him for the past minute. He smiled at me lightly and waved, and I returned both the gestures in the exact same order.

Tae came out at the exact same moment, and everyone fell silent, looking at us two. We two looked silently at each other, and I could feel awkwardness floating in the air around us. Everyone looked uncomfortable.

"I wanted to say something-" We both started the same sentence at the same time and then stopped. It was quiet for the next few moments. I looked at Jimin, he nodded. Afterwards I looked at Jungkook, and he nodded too. I looked back at Namjoon, and he nodded as well, smiling. Meanwhile, Yoongi was looking intently at all of us one by one, and then I saw Jin nodding ever so slightly, looking at Tae. After all this silent look-passing ritual, we both turned towards each other...and this time, we both were ready to say something. But just like last time, we opened our mouths to say something, and both of our words came out at the same time.

"I am not over you-"

"I'm leaving Seoul-"

We both stopped, mouth wide, staring at each other.

So did everyone else.

Can You Keep A Secret? Pt.20

Part 19//Part 20//Part 21

For other parts and the MASTERLIST, please refer to the link in my bio. Thank you so much for reading! And as always, got anything to say about the story? Got anything not about the story that you want to share? Got anything to say? Ask me, I will be waiting for you all. And if you want to talk, you can DM me and let's chat!! I hope this update raised even more questions in your head. Stay updated, and happy reading!!

Tag(s): @slut-for-fandoms

#can you keep a secret bts #cykas bts #jisunwithtaeandkookie #bts fake texts #bts v #bts jimin #park jimin #kim taehyung #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts fake chats #bts fake snaps #bts #bts as friends #crush on bts #bts as boyfriends #bts imagines #bts what ifs #bts maknae line #bts angst #bts drama

[jisunwithtaeandkookie]

Can You Keep A Secret? Pt.6

Summary: Your close friend Taehyung, shares a secret with you, a big secret: You have had a crush on Jimin for the past 6 years. But what he doesn't know is that you have done something bigger than that, something that could destroy many people's lives in seconds. That's a secret for you to keep. But something even bigger is floating in the air: what you have done could destroy BTS's friendship forever...but that's a secret even you don't know yourself.

Pairing: Reader × Jimin/Taehyung ft. Other Members

Genre: Drama/Romance/Angst

A/N: READ IT FROM THE START, OR YOU'RE GOING TO SPOIL THE STORY FOR YOURSELF!

A part of me wanted to run away. Run away...from everyone. From Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook...just every single one of the boys, and never look back. No one would be hurt that way. No one would have to know anything.

But I wouldn't know what would've happened if I hadn't run.

Always this reason...I sighed. It was always this reason which kept me from running...kept me hopeful. That everything will be alright. That everything could be alright. And what was worse that it was true: even if I tried to deny it, I couldn't.

"Tell me what?" Jimin asked me when he found me silent for a while.

"Oh yeah." I kind of broke out of my reverie. "Umm.."

My phone rang at the exact moment, making both of us jump. Disappointed and relieved at the same time, I picked up the phone: disappointed because I had almost made up my mind to confess, and relieved because I had almost made up my mind to confess.

"Hello?"

"Y/N-ah," a familiar voice came in my ears, and I sighed. "Where are you?"

"I'm at...why are you asking?"

"Because you aren't replying to my messages." Jungkook whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" I frowned.

"Because I'm with the the boys right now." He sounded impatient. "Listen, just don't go over, I'm not going to be there."

"I'm already here." I rolled my eyes. "And I didn't come here for you. Tae had invited me here."

"Yeah I know- what? Tae hyung? But he..." He sounded confused. I had opened my mouth to tell him when he said, "Oh."

I sighed loudly. From the corner of my eye, I saw Jimin frown.

"Well what are you going to do now?" He asked.

"Umm..." I felt my mind changing its opinion very fast, and suddenly I was very nervous to say anything. To anyone.

"Take it slow, okay?" Jungkook said. "This is getting out of hand very fast. I'll come over afterwards, and we'll figure out what to do, yeah?"

That seemed like a better option from what I was originally going to do. "Okay, see you then." I hung up without answering, before Jimin got any more sceptical than he was right now.

"So..what were you going to tell me?" He asked again.

Shoot. What was I going to say now? "Umm..nothing important." I smiled nervously. "Aren't you going to ask who called?"

"No, why? Should I?" He asked, and then he laughed. "That rhymed."

I smiled at him for a brief second. I was feeling like I would faint from the nervousness...smiling even a little was a big achievement for me.

"I don't want to know who called you every time someone does. What do you think I am, your possessive boyfr-"

I widened my eyes, gasping a little unintentionally.

He straightened up, and cleared his throat. "Um..I mean, would you like something to eat?"

"Would you cook?" I smiled.

"For you?" He smiled too. I nodded slowly, giving him the cue to go on. He kept looking at me for a few seconds before saying anything.

"Naah, why would I go through such troubles for you?"

"Hey." I pouted, smacking him on his arm. He laughed harder than before. "Aish, so cute...I can if you're hungry."

"Sure, but we can order something...it will be tastier."

"Hey." He pouted and smacked me on my arm, mocking me. We laughed together.

"Why don't we sit?" I suggested.

"And then what?"

"Can't we just sit?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Oh, yeah..sure we can." He said, combing his hair with his hand. "I have something for you. Wait here."

I sat down on the couch, while he ran towards the kitchen. I smiled thinking about him, and then I thought about Tae. Oh how I was going to kill him the next time I saw him.

"Here." He came back and sat beside me, holding a packet of jelly beans in his hands. "We can eat this."

I laughed, and he frowned. "What happened? Is there something wrong? Do I eat too much?"

"No, I was just...remembering something Jungkook had said about jelly beans." I frowned, remembering when he had called me.

"Oh." He looked down, while saying slowly, "Can you just focus on me when you're with me for a change?"

"Why are you saying that?"

"You're always thinking about something else." He put the packet on the table, maybe because he was avoiding my gaze. "Tae, Jungkook, the whole group sometimes, I just..." He sighed, turning back to me.

I pouted. "Is this because of the soulmates conversation we were having when I wasn't answering your questions?"

He shook his head. "No it's not just that. It's just...a lot of times, you just...are thinking about something else. Anyways, forget that."

"Yeah, okay." I looked down, before shifting myself closer to him and putting a hand on his hand. "Whatever I did, I'm sorry. That wasn't intentional. And also...I can never ignore you....you are special to me."

He looked in my eyes. "Special as in...?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. You're just...special."

He looked away, but I could see a hint of smile on his face before he did. "Can I ask you something? I mean, I have already asked you but...you didn't answer it back then."

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me right now. "Yes."

He turned back to me. "Do you believe in soulmates?"

I looked at him, trying to find the purpose of this question in his eyes. His soft black eyes were telling me nothing...at the same time, maybe everything.

"Not right now. Maybe if I find mine." I breathed...his face was close to mine. "What about you?"

He leaned in close, almost a little too close for comfort. "Same..I didn't believe in them either before."

I flinched from the closeness. "Have you found yours then?"

He looked in my eyes meaningfully, trying to find something in them. For a second my breath was hitched in my throat...he was too close, this was not good.

Suddenly I realised something.

If I was here for even a bit longer, I was going to end up hurting him.

"Actually, yeah. Y/N, I..."

I got up abruptly. "I've gotta go." I said, and ran for the door.

"Y/N, what happened?" He was surprised, but he didn't follow me.

I stopped, and turned back. "I have to do something...I'll talk to you tomorrow." With that I dashed out of the door. "Maybe." I said afterwards, when I was out of his earshot.

I ran almost all the way to my house, my throat choked up. This was getting worse and worse. I shouldn't have done it in the first place; I shouldn't have lied to anyone like this. But I did anyways...and here I was, knee deep in lies and I was hurting the people I loved the most in the world. And myself.

I was almost at my door when I collided with someone. "Sorry", I said, and then looked up. "You?"

"I told you I was coming", he said with a worried look on his face from when he had seen me.

"Kookie."

That was all I could say before I finally broke. I embraced him in a tight hug, and started sobbing. He was surprised for a moment, then hugged me back, caressing my head.

"Chocolate, what happened?"

"I can't do this anymore, Kookie." I said between sobs. "I can't lie to him anymore. I shouldn't have done it in the first place, I..." A fresh wave of emotions hit me, and I started sobbing harder than before.

"Y/N-ah..." He started, but didn't continue. Instead, he kissed me lightly on my head. "I am sorry, it was all my idea."

I didn't say anything, still sobbing in his chest.

"If you want, you can tell him everything." He whispered.

"How?" I looked up at Jungkook, my eyes red from tears.

"I..." He looked at me, speechless.

I clutched his jacket fiercely, pouring out everything I had hidden for all this time. "How can I tell Tae that I lied to him? How can I tell him that I lied about having a crush on Jimin so that I could get closer to him, because he is the one I have loved all along??"

"I...don't know. We'll find a way, I promise you."

"He's going to hate me, Kookie!!" I screamed, tears pouring down my cheeks. "And Jimin...I'm going to hurt him when he finds out!" I buried my head in his jacket, sobbing again.

Jungkook didn't say anything. He just stood with me in his arms, his eyes closed with worry. It was quiet for a while, until a voice pierced the silence.

"What?"

Opening his eyes, Jungkook turned around, and froze.

"Tae hyung?"

Can You Keep A Secret? Pt.6

Part 5//Part 6//Part 7

(Sorry for the late update, I was making sure this important chapter was up to your standards, and also mine. I hope you're not angry with me for being an hour late.)

So...more secrets were revealed, and new things are coming into light, as well as new questions: How will Y/N and Jungkook come out of this mess? They don't even have time anymore...the moment of truth is upon them. How is Tae going to react? Will he hate her, or will he forgive her? And what about Jimin when he finds out? Stay tuned to find out.

Next update coming at on 24th November at 17:30 GMT. Stay updated, and happy reading!

SERIES MASTERLIST

#bts #bts fake texts #bts imagines #bts jhope #bts jimin #bts jin #bts jungkook #bts rm #bts suga #bts v #bts drama #bts humor #bts romance #jeon jungkook #jimin × reader #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #kim taehyung #min yoongi #park jimin #taehyung × reader #bts fake chat #bts fake snaps #bts fanfic #bts funny #can you keep a secret bts #crush on bts #bts as friends #bts as boyfriends