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spicerackofblorbos · 2 months

Text

Chapter 6: April

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, romance, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse, smoking and alcohol abuse mentions, domestic violence, light assault (to be continued as writing is ongoing)

☾ Author's note ➼ *kicking my feet excitedly* hey guys, turns out I was just being dramatic. I'm actually really happy with how this turned out. Could it be better? Sure, but that doesn't change that I'm happy with what it is right now. This is super long, but I promise it's worth it. It's filled with tropes and fluff and surprises and I hope you guys enjoy it! Also just a quick 'I'm sorry' for making you wait so long! I was struggling with some bad writers block and then I got covid so things just couldn't pick up the way I wanted them to. But it's here now!!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~10.9k (huehue)

The Sakura Festival held downtown was unlike anything you’ve ever been to before. Since Hange and you had moved here sometime over the summer, you had missed all of what Jinae’s spring had to offer. Suffice it to say, though you didn’t know it yet, it was well worth waking up for at 8 in the morning. Your sister, however, thought otherwise as you both sped down the streets towards Levi and Erwin’s apartment while she curled up in her seat.

“I just don’t understand why we have to go right when it opens. It’s going to be…” Hange pauses to yawn heavily. “…an all-day thing.” They finish with a big stretch in the passenger seat. You shoot her a quick displeased glance and they throw their hands up in the air.

Your thoughts were clouded with more Levi than usual. He'd been much more open to you the past couple weeks than in the last 5 months combined. The progress was rocky, sure. But progress was still progress. Fortunately, Hange still hadn’t asked for any details of what happened that night, but she knew something was up. You fiddle mindlessly with your necklace at these thoughts, the one you haven’t taken off since it was put on by Levi.

“Thinking about Shorty?” Hange cuts in with a teasing voice. You blindly swat at them without looking over, frowning. “Hey! It’s not my fault you’re smiling like an idiot right now!” They laugh and you swat at them again, but you can't help but break out into a matching grin.

Soon after, you park in the street across from the boys’ apartment and shoot Levi a text that you were there. You and Hange had suggested that they carpool with you since Erwin’s wrist was still on the mend and Levi had an aversion to driving himself. The reason why you were stuck behind the wheel, though, and not Hange, was because she was ‘too tired to drive’. You decided quickly that you would rather drive than get into a wreck because your sister fell asleep in the middle of the road.

In the corner of your eye, you see Levi bounding down the steps with his blonde best friend right behind him. You shift in your seat nervously, fingers tapping on the wheel. When they get closer, you're incapable of keeping your eyes off the two handsome men. Even for how warm it was today, you’re not surprised to see Levi wearing his leather jacket over a hoodie with the hood pulled over his head. Erwin is dressed in a relaxed fit blue button down and a pair of sunglasses that cover his matching eyes, a denim jacket flung over his shoulder by one finger. They could have been supermodels if they wanted to, you chuckle to yourself.

Levi’s deadpan expression doesn’t faze you - though were you able to read his mind, you would know his heart was beating faster than a racehorse the moment he woke up today. Erwin teasingly ruffles Hange’s frazzled hair and pats the top of your head gently. You wouldn’t say it to his face, but he radiated such ‘dad vibes. Not that it bothered you any.

“Well look at you both!” Erwin boisterously exclaims as he beams to the two of you. You smile right back at him in satisfaction. You spent so many hours in the last week trying to find the right thing to wear today. A pair of off-white overalls cinches at your waist and stops at your thighs, the hem hugging at your skin effortlessly. Your favorite band t-shirt can be seen peeking over the straps. With your hair pulled up in a loose ponytail that created tendrils that fell in your face, the look was completed by your new favorite accessory. Which of course was perfect for the occasion.

Levi’s gift glimmers in the sun as you shift in your seat. The gift giver himself had his eyes on you the moment he stepped into the vehicle and only looked away once you met his gaze. A soft blush creeps up your face while you turn to face the wheel.

The drive to the festival grounds was a relatively short one, thankfully. With the help of Erwin’s clear directions, you were able to get there without issue. But then you had to turn down Hange’s obnoxious loud metal music so you could focus on finding a place to park. Even showing up early, parking was a nightmare, and you could only find a spot about a 10-minute walk from the closest entrance.

Jinae has a fairly wide river that cuts through the heart of the town. The festival itself sat on the surrounding outer banks of it, both sides occupied by vendors and joined by a bridge that crossed over the crystal water. It was there on the banks of the river that most of the cherry blossom trees rested, swaying in the spring breeze that caused a flurry of petals to fly around. When you all make it to the archway, you can’t help but clap your hands and jump in excitement. The atmosphere was so lively already, and you could not wait to dive headfirst into what the festival had to offer.

“Well, what’s first on the docket?” Erwin inquires as he steps forward to stare out into the bustling square ahead. You’re already signing excitedly about today’s activities and Hange has to grab your hands to make you stop and start over. You give them an apologetic grin then take a deep breath before signing everything again, slowly this time.

‘There’s a parade of floats made out of flowers that starts in about fifteen minutes. Then there’s a duck race sometime in the afternoon. Not to mention the carnival rides, live music, and finally fireworks to finish the night!’ You had spent such an ungodly amount of time staring at the festival’s schedule that it was practically burned into the back of your skull. And like Hange mentioned earlier, you were dedicated to seeing it all.

“That sounds like a lovely plan, Love. Let’s get going so we can get a good spot then.” Hange says as they bump into your shoulder affectionately when they walk past, starting up a conversation with Erwin as he falls in step with theirs.

You feel something tickle your scalp and as you reach up to see what it is, your hand feels another about to pull away. When you look over, you see Levi’s nimble fingers carefully plucking a blossom petal out of your hair. He mouths a wordless apology. Even with his uninterested face, his eyes couldn't hide his amusement. Amusement for what, though, you didn't know. Not even thinking twice do you grab his hand and start tugging him along into the depths of the crowd.

There were all sorts of tropical flora that formed the shape of a conch shell in the center, and it sat on a bed of beautiful blues and whites that formed into waves around it. You’ve never had the opportunity to go to the coast but seeing the float made you long for the sea in ways you’ve never had before. You hoped one day you’d get to go.

Once everyone who wanted to enter did so, city officials then released all of the purchased ducks down the river to be collected at a certain point. Levi didn’t know of the specifics, but he said that eventually someone would fish them out at the designated finish line and people corresponding to the first 10 ducks that crossed would win a prize. It was the silliest thing you’ve ever heard of so naturally you brought money to participate.

Even if you didn’t win, you were happy to know it was going to something so worthy. To be perfectly honest though, the biggest reason you were so excited about it is because of the way Levi had talked about the race during your last hang out.

With it coming up so soon, you had wanted to pick Levi's brain on what you should check out first. Levi said that it had been years since he last went, so he wasn't the best person to ask. But when you asked about the duck races, his usual stone-cold exterior softened. Levi didn't elaborate, but you could tell by the way his voice lightened that he was quite fond of the fundraiser. So, if Levi liked it, then so did you.

To your delight, Erwin and Hange pay for one duck each. You purchase three like you had planned. And Levi purchases five. As he reaches into his wallet to pay, you can't help but watch in adoration at how carefree he seemed, like he was genuinely enjoying his time. His jaw and shoulders are slack and a small smile twitches at the corners of his scarred lips as he speaks to the booking clerk. Something pokes you in the side; it's your sister. Hange snickers at you with a gleam in their eyes. You stick your tongue out at them and they just poke you again, eliciting a small gasp from you.

"Everything okay?" You jump at Levi's sudden voice to the right of you. An eyebrow raises in concern, his eyes almost tinted blue from the clear sky above. You nod and roll your eyes in the direction of your sister, as if to say, 'Hange just being Hange.' He hums and looks down at his phone, lips pursing at whatever he was looking at.

"Furlan just texted me to let me know he’ll be here soon. " Levi slides his phone into his back pocket as he speaks.

"Furlan's coming?" Hange asks as they snake an arm around your shoulders.

"Yeah, he kind of invited himself." Levi mutters.

"Hey, the more the merrier." Erwin chuckles behind Hange. You smile in agreement, but the subtle disappointment in Levi's tone doesn’t escape your ears.

"There's no use in sitting around waiting. The races start in about an hour so why don't we use this time to wander?" Your sister raises a hand in the air as they start off in a random direction, their other arm linked with Erwin and currently pulling him along. Shaking your head in amusement, you and Levi follow close behind.

The Sakura Festival reminded you of the renaissance fair in the way that there were various booths and vendors that surrounded you, all selling anything and everything you’d expect. The only difference being the multitude of carnival rides and attractions that peppered around the grounds. That, and the very obvious size of the event itself. It wasn’t very crowded for now, but you suspect that will change later in the day. Hange calls out to you and Levi from ahead, arms waving above their head to get your attention.

"Guys! Look at this!" She's jumping up and down while pointing at a small but tall boxy contraption with a black curtain pulled to the side. Upon closer inspection, you notice there's a little space inside with a small bench and a computer screen sitting opposite it. It's a photo booth. You eye your sister quizzically.

"Well? Wanna try?" You shrug which Hange takes as an okay, a wild smile lighting up their face.

"Yes! Alright!! Levi, in you go!"

"Wha- like hell!"

"C'mon! It'll be fun!" Hange grabs Levi's arm and pushes him inside the booth so forcefully that he slams onto the bench with a hiss. "Erwin, you'll have to pop your head in from the side, you're just too tall." And then her fingers are grasping your arm as she pulls both of you in before you can do anything to stop her. The booth is even smaller on the inside and with the way you both toppled in, you find yourself plopping on her lap like a child. Cozy is not the first word that comes to mind.

"Ah, I can't reach the screen. Here, Levi, hold this." You suddenly feel your body being pushed to the side by Hange and a gasp escapes your lips as you find yourself in a new seat - Levi's lap. Levi grunts as you land. In a panic, you attempt to stand up but then his hands are on your hips and you’re being pulled down to his thigh closest to the wall, so that you are facing the camera at an angle. You can't bring yourself to look at him, and any knowledge on how to breathe vanishes. The sound of angry waves fills your ears as heat rushes to your cheeks. Oh my god. Is this really happening?

"'Everything okay?" Erwin's voice comes muffled. He pops his head through the curtain, and his bright blue eyes land on your wide ones. If he was thinking anything, he gave nothing away.

"Yup almost... got it!" Hange yells in triumph as they press down on something. "Get ready!"

There's a beeping coming from the corner of the booth that must be the countdown, but you can hardly focus on it. All you can think about is the way you fit on Levi's lap. Beep. How flush your body was against his chest that you could feel his racing heart, no doubt beating at the same speed as yours, against your back. Beep. His shallow breaths tickling the back of your neck as you clenched your hands into tight fists that rest on your thighs. Beep. Levi shifts under you, his leg jostling you for a moment. Beep. Your brain is foggy, clouded by Levi. Levi, Levi, all Levi.

Your name is being called - distant sounding at first then loud and right next to you. You startle at the sudden noise and whip your head to the source. Erwin and Hange are staring at you from outside of the booth, sunlight filtering through the spaces around their bodies as they stand in the little doorway. They both have matching amused smirks lighting up their faces. Levi clears his throat from behind. As if zapped, you shoot up quickly from Levi's lap and scramble out the hole, palms sweaty in your tight fists. The cool, spring breeze softly hitting your flushed and hot face is very welcoming.

"You okay?" Erwin steps up next to you, his voice laced with concern.

'Yeah, just really hot and stuffy in there.' You sign back, taking a deep breath. It wasn't a lie. But the way Erwin eyed you makes you feel like he knows something you don't.

"Oh my gosh look at US!!" Hange squeals from behind you. When you turn to face them, they're smiling down at a couple strips of paper which you guess are the photocopies. They bound over to you and shoves one of the copies in your direction then gives the other to Erwin. "Here, one for each household."

The sun glares off the film and you have to bring it close to your face so you can see the panels better. There are four photos total, all in color and bright from the flashes. Hange and Erwin are making different faces in each one, there's even one of them laughing mid-snap. But then you glance over to the other corner where you and Levi sit, and you want to throw yourself in the river in embarrassment.

The first two photos are the same. You're looking straight into the camera like a deer in the headlights, luckily with a small smile tugging at your lips but shock is very evident on your face. Levi is staring off to the side with a vacant expression, heavy lidded and slack. Both of you are red in the face though. The third one is blurry with movement. In the last one, you and Levi are looking at each other, his steely gray eyes flashing silver in the blinding light. A moment of you two staring at each other, something you don't remember doing, frozen in time. You flick your eyes up and over the little strip of paper in between your fingers to look at Levi. He's facing away with his hands in his pockets, his cheeks the same shade of red in the photo. Even if they were embarrassing, you find yourself pressing the photos close to your chest anyways.

"Alright, where to next!? We have plenty of time to kill." Hange exclaims.

So, the four of you did indeed kill time. It was mostly spent gawking at the vendors and making plans of what rides you all wanted to visit after the race. At one point Erwin and Hange got separated from you and Levi, leaving the two of you to seek refuge from the crowd under the shade of trees. Not a lot of conversation happened, you suspect because of the awkward moment at the photo booth. The revisiting thought makes you blush. You were on your toes trying to scan the ever-moving crowd for any signs of your sister when you heard an unsettling voice coming from the direction of where Levi stood currently.

"Hi little fella, got some tasty candy for you. Wanna try it?" Leaning down behind Levi with a comically large lollipop is a man decked out in the most garish of clown costumes. "It's reeaal good." Levi doesn't move.

Taken aback by his sudden assertiveness, your heart does cartwheels. You're about to ask where he’s taking you until you see that he's pulling you in the direction of Hange and Erwin who are currently heading your way. His hand releases yours before reaching them, far too quickly for your liking.

"There you two are! We were looking everywhere. Were you both making out behind a tree?" Hange jokes. Hange has an ice cream cone in their hand and Erwin’s wrapped wrist has a heart shaped balloon tied to it.

‘Where the hell have you two been?’ Actively ignoring the crass joke thrown at you. You sign this at the same time as you hear a familiar playful voice chirp up from behind the pair in front of you.

“What’s this about making out?” Hange steps aside to reveal Furlan who had his hand in a bag of kettle popcorn. He pulls his hand out to wave at you with a big grin and you reciprocate with your own. “Did Levi finally find himself a suitor?”

“Shut up.” Levi flips Furlan off with a grumble.

“Sorry I’m so late. I slept in and then finding a parking spot was a nightmare! Where are we headed??” Furlan looks around your little group expectantly.

“We should probably start heading back to the race area because I think it’s about to start.” Erwin checks the gold watch strapped to his good wrist. It glints off the afternoon sun and you have to glance away so that it doesn’t blind you.

“Aw man, did I already miss the registration?” Furlan hangs his head low in disappointment.

“Well if you actually used the alarm function on your phone, you would have made it on time.” Levi retorts back dryly.

Reaching into the little purse dangling off your hip, you pull out your three ticket stubs with a random number on each of them and step up closer to Furlan. When you wave your hand to get his attention, he glances at you and then at your pinched fingers.

“Oh. No! Please, it’s okay. I can always try for next year.” He insists, holding his hands up in front of his chest defensively. You give him a soft smile as you pick one out and push it towards him anyways. “Are you sure?”

Rolling your eyes, you reach over to push the ticket into his open palm and using your other hand, you clamp his fingers around it so that it sits in his hand safely. “Well… okay. If you’re adamant. Thanks!” Furlan chuckles and tightens his hand around the ticket. He gives you a wink before shoving it into his jean pocket.

“That was very sweet of you.” Erwin whispers down to you as you all make your way to the finish line.

‘I didn’t want him to be left out.’ You sign back with a frown, and Erwin nods in understanding, a warm smile crinkling his eyes.

By the time you all make it to the starting line of the race, the ducks have already been released via crane. Hundreds of little ducks were floating down the river and it was quite a sight. You clap in excitement and run towards the edge of the river to get a closer look. They were all bunched together, and you worried how they would fish out the little ducks accurately.

“I don’t know how they do it, but they manage to pluck out the first 10 so easily. It’s like magic.” Furlan says in reassurance. He must have noticed the concern on your face. He laughs and leans against the little stone wall that surrounds the river on both sides. “I’m sure it’s just because they’ve had so many years to perfect it though.”

The rest of your crew lines up against the wall, watching the ducks go down the river. You have to squint because of how the sun reflects off the water, but otherwise it’s a quiet and nice moment to have with everyone. The breeze from the river blows past and you inhale the subtle but sweet smell of the cherry blossoms. Levi stands next to you stoically, his arms crossed the way he does as he stares off. His weight shifted to his left leg. He’s done well to hide it from everyone else, but you could tell easily that he was limping from all the pressure he was putting on his knee.

‘You okay?’ You sign to him, giving him a soft smile.

“I’m fine.” He shrugs his shoulders. Something was bothering him, and it didn’t feel like it was just his knee pain. His eyes glance up to yours, and his hard features loosen. “Really, I’m okay.” You’re not convinced, but you nod in acknowledgement anyways.

“They got winners!” Furlan yells out beside you, pointing down the river. There’s a crew holding up a green flag to signal the end of the race.

“Ooh let’s go see who won, yeah?” Hange’s eyes gleam with excitement and starts making their way to the finish line with the rest of the group in tow. You keep your steps slow so you can keep up with Levi while everyone else trails ahead quite a bit. He gives you a side-eye as you pretend not to notice, fingers fidgeting with the necklace around your neck.

“Tch, I know what you’re doing.” He mumbles. He hesitates, then whispers a soft thank you.

After a moment, the announcer made a statement of where the winners needed to go to gather their prizes and then started listing off the numbers one by one. Unfortunately, no one in your group had a winning duck yet, though Levi never looked disappointed. In fact, he actually looked quite pleased that he hadn’t won anything.

“Aaand first place goes to… number 23!!”

“NO freaking way, that’s me!” Furlan shouts. He leans down and gives your cheek a chaste kiss before running off to the designated spot to collect his prize. You stand stock-still, pulling your hand up to where his lips just were, not really sure how to react to it. Something grumbles behind you. When you turn, you see a listless Levi, eyes off to the side but furrowed. Your heart pangs with guilt, for why exactly though you're not sure. You bite the inside of your cheek in thought. Furlan calls your name.

“You’ll never believe what’s in here!” He runs up to your group, out of breath and waving an envelope in the air. He takes a moment to bend and lean against his knees so he can gather himself.

“Well spit it out, what did you win!?” Hange asks eagerly.

“They’re airfare ticket vouchers! $500 each.” Furlan stands up straight with a huge smile.

“Each? How many did you get?” Erwin raises an eyebrow, curious now.

“Two. Which means,” He grabs one of the slips of paper and holds it out to you. “You get half.” You feel your eyes bug at his statement. Raising your hands defensively, you shake your head no. You eye Hange as you start signing, and they understand right away.

‘I can’t do that, you won them.’

“Yeah, but with the ticket you bought. You deserve some of the prize too.” He grabs your hand and clenches your fingers over the piece of paper, like you had done with him earlier. “Take it, please. At least share this victory with me.”

You eye him skeptically, unsure of what to say. The way he looks at you, with his wide eyes and cocky smile. You can’t say no. And, well, you did buy that ticket. After a beat, you nod and pull the paper to your chest and shoot him a big smile.

“Yes, thank you! Isn’t this awesome? I have no idea what I’m going to use it on, but I guess we’ll see in the future.” He pulls his shirt up so he can tuck the envelope in the waistband of his jeans.

Before you all know it, the sun is high in the sky and the rest of the festivities are in full swing. The sounds of screaming and laughter fill the air as the rest of the town arrives in droves. Erwin had suggested that you all rest and recoup to take a break from the crowd. So that’s why you and the others were sitting on plush grass under the shade of cherry blossom trees, eating lunch from the miscellaneous vendors around. None of you had thought to bring a blanket to sit on unfortunately, but that didn’t bother you. Levi, on the other hand.

“Tch, are we really okay with getting grass stains on our clothes?” Levi grumbles as he places his garbage on the pile of already accumulating trash sitting in the center of your small circle.

“You could always stand.” Erwin’s currently leaning against the tree, propped up on one shoulder as he sips his drink. His eyes light up at the sour expression he’s shot with.

“Or you could just live a little. It’s just some grass and dirt, Levi.” Hange tuts as they ball up their own wrapper and throws it in the pile as well, a smile playing on their lips in a mocking manner.

“I’m sure your 5-step laundry system will get out any stains.” Furlan adds in with a chuckle. He pulls at his little dish of fries as he side-eyes you as you laugh along.

The sun filters through the trees onto your face and you close your eyes as well, relishing the warmth. Unbeknownst to you, Levi is cracking his good eye open to peek at the serene expression complimenting your pretty features.

It's like this for a while. At some point, Erwin had disappeared to find a ‘gentleman’s room’ as he called it. Hange and Furlan were in the middle of a conversation about some movie that came out last week. You're resting with your arms splayed above you, your vision turning pink from the sun hitting your eyelids. The warm rays caress your exposed skin like a comforting hug. The soft running of the river pairs well with the rustling of the blossoms above you from the breeze. You sigh in content.

All of a sudden, your face feels cool from something blocking the sunlight above you. You swat at it thinking it’s your sister but then something nips at your fingers. Hange was weird, but not that weird. You have to squint after initially opening your eyes due to the bright surroundings but when your vision finally focuses, you freeze. Standing above you is a massive white goose, its head bent back slightly as it stares down at you.

You hear Levi and Furlan calling your name, but you don’t look over. You always laughed at the idea of geese, but now the source of terror stands right in front of you. The goose had its beak slightly open and you’re quick to spot rows of sharp teeth.

“Hey, look at me.” Levi says softly. When you glance over with a side eye, he’s watching you carefully. You swallow hard. “Keep backing away slowly. It should leave you alone once it sees you’re not a threat.”

As if Levi had cursed you with his words, you step back on a twig with a ‘crack’ and there’s a moment of silence as you stare horrified before all hell breaks loose. And then you’re running for your life down the grassy field. You hear something chasing after you and you pump your legs harder. The wind blows past your ears, and it takes everything in you to hurdle over the obstacles in front of you - those obstacles being people.

You don’t know how long you’ve been running but you're winded faster than you would like. Not to mention that by the looks of it, you were about to run out of open field. You were going to have to face your opponent sooner than later. Taking a deep breath and steeling your resolve, you twist your body around and blindly kick towards the goose. Except, you don’t make contact with a goose.

“Gah!” Levi doubles over in front of you, groaning from the ground as he clutches his stomach. When you look behind him, Hange and Furlan are chasing the goose away loudly screaming and clapping. You drop to your knees and place your hands on his shoulders to shake him gently to get his attention. When he raises his head to look at you, you're met with glazed, dark eyes.

"Are you… okay?" He mutters hoarsely through gritted teeth.

'Me?! But you?!' You sign back, emphasizing your words with a bemused expression.

"I just... need... a minute." Levi falls backwards so that he's on his butt. A hiss of air escapes his lips as he lands, his face scrunched up as the waves of pain subside. "I don't know what your intent was with that kick, but I have a feeling you would have sent that goose straight to hell." He coughs a little and stares up at you with an amused glint in his eyes.

‘I’m sorry, I panicked.’ He waves his hand dismissively.

You decide to sit with him as he catches his breath. You can’t keep the embarrassed flush from heating up your face. You pick at the grass anxiously as you keep replaying what just happened in your head. This is not something you would forget, unfortunately. Especially having hurt Levi.

“What did the grass ever do to you?” You hear Levi joke next to you, his voice back to a normal octave and significantly less breathy.

‘Sure you’re okay?’ You glance over to him sheepishly, fiddling with a blade of grass in between your fingers. He meets your gaze.

“I’m fine, seriously. But you should consider going pro with those legs of yours.” After a beat, he realizes what he said and clears his throat, looking away. “You know, like soccer or something.” The tips of his ears are already turning red.

“Are you two okay?!” You hear Hange screaming from the other side of the park, arms waving to get your attention. You shoot her two thumbs up.

“We should probably get back.” Levi grunts as he pushes himself up. There’s a considerable amount of weight he’s putting into his left leg, like earlier. But you figure if you ask him if he’s okay again, he might scold you. So, you opt to stay quiet as you watch him with caution.

“Are you coming?” His hand is outstretched towards you to take, which you do so without hesitating. His skin is rather warm against yours, callous yet soft. He pulls you up without effort, and he ends up having to grip your arm to steady you so you don’t fall face first from the force. He considers you with a slight smile and then starts off to the rest of your friends, with you following closely behind.

There was even a time where you had talked Levi into trying the absurd ice cream flavors from a stall suspiciously located all by itself off the beaten path. The glare full of daggers was resounding but he caved. It actually wasn’t as bad as he made it out to be, but he disagreed strongly.

“Oh, you’ve got it bad don’t you.” Hange mumbles to the right of you, breaking you out of your thoughts. You were waiting by the sinks in the public restroom for your sister to finish up their business. You peer at them with confusion at their random question. They flick their eyes down to your fidgeting fingers that currently twisted the cherry blossom necklace dangling around your neck.

“For Levi.” Both were confident statements. You blow a raspberry at them and roll your eyes. Letting go of the charm, you lift your hands to say something, but you’re at a loss for words. In all honesty, you’ve never really sat down to think about your feelings for Levi past the ‘I like being around him’ thoughts. The comfort he emanated was enough for you, so you never gave it a second thought. But if the little moments throughout the day with him accomplished anything, it was the establishment of your feelings in a new light. Whatever those feelings may be.

‘Just a friend.’ Is all you sign back.

“Are you sure about that?” They tut and grip your biceps in both hands as they face you head on, their eyes bouncing back and forth between yours. A small smile plays on their lips, but when you say nothing back, she nods and walks out the bathroom door with you in tow.

The men are waiting outside the building, seemingly in an in-depth conversation. You catch Levi’s eye on your way over, your heart skipping a beat at the way the late golden sun rays hit his pale skin. His eyes flick back over to Furlan and Erwin’s conversation.

“There’s just a little more time before the fireworks go off. What now?” Hange calls out a few steps away, grabbing the men’s attention.

“It’s almost sunset! It’s the best time to check out the ferris wheel.” Furlan chips in.

‘Oh yeah, I’d love to check that out!’

“Sure thing. There’s something I wanted to see over there anyways.” Erwin smiles and turns, leading the charge. You end up falling back so that you’re at the tail end of the line. When you glance back, you see Levi trailing behind with his eyes fixated on you. Your step fumbles momentarily and you whip your head back around so you can watch where you were going. A soft huff-like laugh from behind makes you bite your lip in embarrassment.

The line luckily only had a handful of people in it. But with the wheel currently going, there was a little bit of a wait in front of you. You were behind a group of four kids who were currently goofing off and laughing with each other.

“C’mon Jean, you gotta get over it sooner than later.” A closely shaven haired kid blurts out with a hard laugh.

“No! I’ve asked him multiple times to stop calling me horse face! Now the whole class is in on it. It pisses me off!” The kid named Jean yells out. He's currently staring down at his phone, light from the screen illuminating his very agitated face.

“Hey, let’s quiet down. We’re out in public, you know.” A kid with freckles chuckles nervously, his eyes sweeping around the small crowd around them. They land on a figure in front of them furiously stuffing something in their mouth. “Sasha, what are you eating now?”

A girl with red hair turns with powdered sugar all over her face and she’s mid chew, her eyes wide and expressive. “Deep fried Oreos.” Her voice is muffled by the food stuffed in her mouth.

“How did you even manage to grab those? We’ve been in line this whole time.” Freckles asks exasperated. The shaven haired kid reaches over to the doughy goodness only for the plate to be whisked away with an almost growl coming from the red-headed girl. They start lightly wrestling. You laugh quietly at their antics with fondness. They reminded you of you and your siblings around that age.

After what feels like forever, the ferris wheel cars start unloading and reloading. The kids in front got into their own car, a couple of them pushing each other with laughter as they filed in. Unfortunately, each car could only house four people at a time. Erwin opted out of the ride, but then Levi and Hange got into an argument about who would stay behind so that Erwin wouldn't be left alone. Ultimately Hange won. Oddly enough, Levi didn’t seem too bothered by it as much as he let on.

With the sun almost gone, the sky now a stunning mixture of blues and purples littered with pale stars, the air was getting cooler by the minute. Furlan settles himself in the spot next to you, shooting you a half-cocked grin. Levi gingerly sits himself down on the bench across from you and takes a moment to use both hands to massage the kneecap of his bad leg with a grimace.

'Okay?' Levi shifts his gaze up to you at the hand movement.

"Fine." You smile at him softly, but he's already looking off to the side at the man closing the car door.

A moment later, you feel the car shift and then you're ascending slowly, cool air blowing from behind. You shift in your seat so that you can lean over to the side better, but the car is so small that your leg bumps into Levi. An apology is already on your fingertips, but Levi stops you with a look.

"No need. You're okay."

'Leg? Okay?' You frown.

"Fine." That word again. “Just a lot of wal-"

"Now look at this view!" Furlan cuts Levi off with a yell. His sudden loudness makes you flinch. He's got his body half-hanging out of the car as he stares out to the ground. You just now notice the wheel had stopped moving and the car was sitting almost at the top. When you look over on your side, you stare in awe at the lit-up festival grounds beneath you. The warm yellow glow is broken up by various multicolor neon signs and string lights. People mill around and the sound of muffled chatter makes its way up to your ears.

By this time, the sunlight was completely gone and replaced by a bright full moon with twinkling lights dancing around it. They remind you of Levi. His leg was still pressed up against yours. Glancing over, you see his head tilted up to gaze at the stars as well, his hair swept back out of his face. As if he could feel you watching him, his own heavy-lidded eyes peer at you over his cheeks. From this position, the way the moonlight illuminated his body… he was breathtaking. Divine, even.

"Where's Hange and Erwin?" You all stepped off the platform to wait for the two in question on the ground, but crowds of people filed out and the wheel was going again. Neither your sister nor tall, blonde friend had made an appearance.

"I bet they ran off to do something stupid." Levi mutters next to you.

"I know I haven’t known the two of them as long as you both have, but I get the feeling that they have an annoying habit of doing that." Furlan chuckles. He stretches his arms above his head with a yawn.

"It’s almost your bedtime, old timer." Levi jabs. Furlan punches him in the arm with a wide grin.

"You're one to talk, grandpa. Anyways, where to now?" His bright eyes glance over at you.

Hange had made a comment about it a week ago but the way he brushed it off made you too nervous to talk to him about it, so you didn’t. You only wished you could have told him how much it warmed your heart to see him learning, whether it was on purpose or not.

You were so lost in thought that you hadn’t realized you lost sight of Levi and Furlan. The sounds of the crowd suddenly become louder as you’re pulled back to reality. You bite your bottom lip anxiously as you scan around, people’s faces and bright lights becoming a blur. Suddenly you feel a hand pulling at you and you’re being tugged out of the crowd by a strong grip. You were about to sigh in relief, but the hand felt unfamiliar to you. You attempt to pull back, but their fingers are wrapped tightly around your forearm, and you don’t have enough leverage to break free.

“There you are.” You don’t recognize the voice. The face you see when you look up is not one you’ve seen before but one that will haunt you forever. Dark shadowed eyes and a gaunt face, yellowed teeth bared at you with a nasty smile. You pull your arm even harder, eyes wide in panic, but the grip gets tighter. Instantly, you’re small again cowering on the floor of an old foster home. You open your mouth, like you’re going to scream, but nothing comes out.

“What’s a pretty thing like you doing out here alone?” He purrs at you as he pulls you closer. His breath smells of strong liquor and is hot against your face. You go to kick him in the shins but it’s like the impact doesn’t even phase him. You lacked the velocity to do any damage, and he just chuckles darkly at your bleak endeavor. “Got a fighter, I see.” He begins to pull you closer to him and you have to use every muscle in your body to push away from him, your free hand trying to pry his fingers off your skin at the same time.

“Get your grotesque hands off her.” An icy voice calls out from behind you. Tears prick at the corner of your eyes because it’s a voice that you do recognize. The man smirks and is about to say something back but when his gaze flicks to the side of you, you see his face go a sickly shade of gray. The grip on your arm lessens greatly so you take this opportunity to shake him off and step back, rubbing the sore spot where his fingers once were.

“I-I’m sorry sir, I didn’t realize she was yours.” He stumbles back. You glance behind to see the scariest expression you’ve ever seen grace Levi’s face. The snarl pulls at his lips with a sharpness in his eyes. What you don’t notice right away are the cups that were once filled with some sort of liquid were now crushed in his trembling hands, purely from anger. The drinks pool at his feet but he doesn’t blink an eye, his focus strictly on the assailant in front of you.

“Yeah, she’s mine. Leave now before I make you regret ever waking up today.” Levi spits venom into every syllable. His aura radiates so much danger that you could feel it from where you stood. At that, the man runs off. Levi steps over to you, throwing the cups into a nearby trash can as he does. His gaze is noticeably softer when he centers in on you and the shaken state you’re in.

“Are you okay?” Levi speaks in a low, gentle voice. Taking a shaky breath, you sign a no with a trembling hand. He tenderly takes your forearm and inspects your skin under the streetlight that lingered above you. His hands are sticky from whatever beverages he had managed to procure for you. In the yellow light, you see a red hand-shaped imprint. Your arm will definitely bruise tomorrow, much to your dismay.

“Sick bastard, putting his hands on you like that.” He grumbles, his gaze stuck on your arm as he speaks. You’re reminded of that incident at the gala that felt like a lifetime ago. Taking your free hand, you pull your phone out from your back pocket and start up a new memo.

‘Thank you. For saving the damsel in distress. I needed it.’ He glances up at you incredulously. It takes a moment to sink in, but when he realizes what you mean, his lips quirk up into a half smile. A huff escapes his lips in what you think might be a laugh.

“Thanks for the gratitude. Brat.” He drops your arm carefully.

‘Where’s Furlan?’ You stand on your toes to look over the crowd, but you don’t see your taller friend anywhere. The way Levi’s face falls at your question goes unnoticed.

“Why? I’m sure he’s off doing his own thing.” Levi scoffs. You frown at his sudden attitude, stealing a glance at his uninterested face.

‘He’s your friend, aren’t you worried?’ He rolls his eyes, which were currently lit up from your phone screen.

“He’s fine. I’ll send him a message to let him know where we are.” And like that, the topic of Furlan is closed. You sigh as you take a moment to text your sister where you two were located. You look around for a noticeable landmark to direct them, and you spot the live stage to your left. No one was playing at the moment, probably on their break or waiting for the fireworks, you think. Instead, there is contemporary music playing from the stage speakers and a couple of people dancing.

‘Aren’t those employees of your café?’ You slide him your phone and then point to the dance floor when he looks up. A girl with medium-length hair the same shade as Levi is in the arms of her boyfriend and they’re currently swaying to the beat. You haven’t had much of a chance to really speak to Eren and Mikasa because normally when you came to visit the café, it was close to closing and they were already off due to being in school. They look so happy.

“Looks like they’re having fun.” Levi responds in a blasé tone. You stand there imagining that it was you and Levi instead out on the floor, him holding you just as tightly. You blink hard to get that visual out of your head. What a silly sentiment. A cold breeze blows through your hair, and it makes you shiver. You wrap your arms around yourself to hold in some warmth.

“Cold?” You nod sheepishly. You remembered halfway into the day that you had left your coat on the armrest of the couch in your excitement. Levi hums and you watch as he pulls off his leather jacket and then his hoodie. Your eyes flick to his exposed abdomen as he pulls off each layer, polished and toned. You look away quickly as you chide yourself for even staring.

“Here.” he says after a few beats. When you look back over, he has his leather jacket back on but is handing you his dark hoodie. Your eyes widen at the gesture, and out of instinct you shake your head no with a ‘thank you’ at the end of it. He pushes it over to you anyways, an earnest look on his face.

“You look miserable. Just take it.” You frown at him again.

‘You’re one to talk, grumpy.’ You sign at him but take the hoodie anyways.

When you have it pulled down all the way, you can’t help the heat from searing across your cheeks as you feel the thick cloth hugging at every inch of your torso and arms. It seems your noticeable height difference had a huge disadvantage when it came to sharing clothes, not like it was ever anything you had thought about before. You look over to Levi whose gaze is intently fixated on you. His eyes flick up to yours and he looks away quickly, clearing his throat. Sharp, gray eyes side-eye you as he speaks.

“I-um. Are you warm?” You slide your cold fingers into the front pocket and smile at him, though the embarrassment was still eating away at you. You tuck your chin in the collar to get more warmth - it smelled just like Levi. Clean laundry, musky body wash, and surprisingly, a hint of lavender. It was calming in more ways than one. And it was so soft.

“I’m sure they’ll find us soon. The fireworks are about to start. Let’s go find a spot.” He mutters as he turns around on his heel and walks down towards the river without another word. You inhale another whiff as you follow him, smiling to yourself under the collar.

But it was nowhere near as stunning as you were, leaning back to rest on your arms so you could stare up into the sky. It felt like every part of you overwhelmed his brain. The way his hoodie clung to your body, the way you looked at him, your stupidly sweet smile. The way his heart races any time he sees you let alone thinks about you. How could he not? Your eyes shift over to him, and he’s suddenly aware of his staring.

‘What?’ You sign to him. You’ve sat back up to stare at him, a perplexed expression across your face.

“Nothing. You just look relaxed.”

‘Yes. I am happy.’ Another soft smile that lit up your eyes. Levi didn’t miss how you made a conscious decision to simplify your signs just for him so he would understand. Through every interaction in the last couple months, you had left him with more knowledge on how to communicate better, but you assumed it was only the small stuff. Little did you know, he was currently taking late night lessons because he couldn’t stand not being able to look into your eyes when you messaged him.

‘You?’ A frown replaces your smile.

“Me what?”

‘Happy?’ You stare straight into his eyes as you ask, searching. This prompts a signature Levi eye roll.

Levi sighs under his breath and goes to do the same. But then he feels his hand grazing against yours, fingers lightly resting on top of each other, and an electrified shock passes from his arm all the way through his body. You don’t pull your hand away though, and neither does he.

In fact, you’re still staring at him with a look he couldn’t discern. You cautiously wrap your pinky around his own and offer him a reassuring smile. He doesn’t think twice about tightening his grip. The sounds of laughter and idle chatter dimmed away to the sound of his reverberating heartbeat that threatened to blow out his ears. What would it be like to kiss you right now, he asks himself. Your eyes flick down to his half-parted lips as he says your name in an almost-like whisper. Your eyes are a brilliant shade under the moonlight. When did you get so close?

“There you two are!!” You both jump away as you hear Hange’s earth-shattering shriek from behind, any contact now left cold from whatever that moment was with you. Levi hisses out of frustration. You’re already getting up to stand to meet the newcomers, so he does the same. Shitty-glasses and their shitty timing.

“I didn’t realize y’all had already found a place to sit! We were waiting by the dance floor this whole time.” Hange tuts as they playfully punch your arm. Erwin stood a couple feet away, currently on the phone with someone. The expression on his face gave the implication that it was not a pleasant conversation.

‘Sorry, a lot happened, and I got distracted easily. You found us though!’ A fake smile pulls at your lips. There’s a glance in your direction but it’s gone as quick as it happened. He didn’t imagine that, did he? Were you ignoring what happened intentionally or pretending it never happened? Levi kicks himself mentally and disguises his face in indifference as he speaks.

“Yeah, where the hell did you both even go? And have you seen Furlan?”

“I haven’t seen him, no. And we were wandering! Erwin suggested it. Also,” Hange reaches into their pocket and pulls out their phone. They flip to their contacts and then shoves the phone in your face. Levi blinks at the sudden change in brightness. “I got someone’s number!”

“So, you ditched us to chase after someone?” Levi crosses his arms over his chest.

“Nooo, I ditched you guys to wander, I just said that! This was just a bonus.” Hange purses their lips. “I gotta tell you about them! They’re just so…” Levi zones their voice out and watches as a laugh escapes your lips as you reach for your sister, an adoring smile lighting up your features as you ask questions about who it was that they found. Levi’s phone vibrates and when he slides it out, Furlan’s name is bold on the screen. Sighing, he presses the green button and pulls it to his ear.

“What?”

“H-hey sorry! I didn’t mean to ditch, I got lost and then sidetracked.” Levi stares over to you as you sign animatedly, laughter at your sister shaking your body as you converse. “Anyways, I was calling to let you know I haven’t been murdered or anything.”

“Tch, wouldn’t be the worst thing if that happened.”

“You jest but where would you be without your best friend? Probably in prison.”

“Whatever you say. Where are you then, if not dead?”

“Oh, I grabbed another bag of kettle corn and went home. I have an early shift anyway so…” There’s a moment of pause before Furlan’s soft voice mutters through the speaker, “Do you like her?”

“Who?” Levi grumbles, pinching his lips together.

“Don’t play dumb with me. I saw the way you looked at her all day.” You’re glancing over to him now, your eyes shining in a way that makes his heart melt. Hange says something else, and you break eye contact as you double over in a fit of giggles.

“You don’t know what you’ve seen.”

“So, it’s okay that I ask her out on a date then?” Silence. “That’s what I thought. Levi, you’re allowed happiness you know. Stop thinking something bad is going to happen.”

“Sure, but I doubt she feels the same.”

“You never know unless you ask. Anyways, I’m calling it. Talk to you soon, old man.” The line clicks and then he’s gone.

A resounding boom explodes from behind Levi, the sign that the fireworks show had just begun. The look on your face when you twist around mid-conversation to stare at the remarkable display left Levi in awe. The colors that danced off your face as you smiled up to the sky, your body practically jumping up and down from your enthusiasm. You were breathtaking to him in every way, and he decided right then and there that he just wanted you. Just you, and no one else.

You repeat that to yourself as you climb up the stairs to your shared apartment. Hange’s voice is dull against your raging thoughts, but you’re pretty sure they were still rambling about the person they met tonight. You go to unlock the door but are stopped mid-turn by Hange grabbing your hand to get your attention. Glancing over, you see a concerned look etched into their face.

“Are you okay?”

‘Fine.’ You unlock the door and push it open. ‘Tired.’ You yawn to emphasize, which really wasn’t a lie. Though your mind was far from tired, the events of today really wore you out.

“Me too. I could use a 30 hour nap. But I suppose 7 hours will do, for now.” They laugh as you both walk in the door, making sure to lock it behind you. You throw your bag onto the little side table before reaching down slowly to pull your shoes off. Something in your back pops. You were going to be so sore tomorrow, you groan to yourself.

“Hey, is that Levi’s jacket?” You glance down at the tight fabric around your torso. Shit.

‘Yeah, he let me borrow it. I completely forgot to hand it back to him.’

“I’m just surprised he forgot. He’s usually so meticulous about his things.” Hange says as she hangs her things up and pads to the kitchen to get something to drink. “It’s fine, we’ll probably see them again soon so you can give it back then.” Part of you didn’t want to, though.

You snap to get your sister’s attention before signing, ‘I’m going to shower then bed. Let me know if you need anything.’

“I should probably do the same. But hey,” They eye you carefully. “Are you sure you’re okay?? I notice Levi spends a lot of time around you.” You can’t help but roll your eyes at that, a habit you most definitely picked up from the guy in question.

‘It’s not like that. Everything is fine.’ You offer a reassuring smile. Everything was fine, just confusing.

“Okay, if you say so. But you do know you can talk to me about everything. Especially feelings for men. Certain raven-haired men that never smile.” They crack a big grin as you throw a couch pillow at their face on your way to your room. “Love you!!” You hear before you shut your door. How are you going to talk about your feelings about a certain terse man when you don’t even know how you’re feeling.

After your shower, you couldn’t help but pull Levi’s hoodie back over your head and snuggle into it. It might be smaller than what you’re used to, but it was very plush and warm. Not to mention the comforting smell that emanated from it any time you moved.

You curl up in your bed and yawn, recounting everything that happened today while fighting the urge to kick your feet like an overjoyed child. Suddenly the photo booth comes to mind. The photos! You fling yourself out of your bed and quietly tiptoe to the front hallway to grab your bag, making sure to be quiet so you don’t wake Hange - who could be heard snoring loudly from their room.

On the off chance you are completely wrong though, you decide it might be best to wait. Saying something now might ruin what you both have, and you were not willing to risk that friendship. With the smell of Levi pervading your senses, you’re lulled into a deep slumber. The thoughts of him swirl through your brain and turn into pleasant dreams.

bzzzzz

Levi: I hope my hoodie kept you warm, please take care of it. Sleep well.

☾ Previous Chapter: March ☾ Next Chapter: May

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chaotic-on-main · 1 year

Text

Chapter 6: April

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Word Count ➼ ~10.9k (huehue)

“Okay, okay. I know, you’re excited and want to see everything. But I didn’t get to bed until like 3 in the morning. So, excuse me if I’m exhausted.” They mumble before giving in to yet another big yawn. You roll your eyes at them. It’s not like this was sprung upon them last minute. After the conversation with Levi at the diner last month, it was all you could think and talk about. Well, not all. Your thoughts were clouded with more Levi than usual. He'd been much more open to you the past couple weeks than in the last 5 months combined. The progress was rocky, sure. But progress was still progress. Fortunately, Hange still hadn’t asked for any details of what happened that night, but she knew something was up. You fiddle mindlessly with your necklace at these thoughts, the one you haven’t taken off since it was put on by Levi.

“Oooh here come the men. Do you think they rehearse that walk when they’re together?” Hange laughs. Levi and Erwin slide into the back seat a few moments later and you turn around in your seat to greet them with a massive smile and wave. Levi’s deadpan expression doesn’t faze you - though were you able to read his mind, you would know his heart was beating faster than a racehorse the moment he woke up today. Erwin teasingly ruffles Hange’s frazzled hair and pats the top of your head gently. You wouldn’t say it to his face, but he radiated such ‘dad vibes. Not that it bothered you any.

The parade was as magnificent as the pictures online portrayed, maybe even better. There were floats of various themes that you had a lot of fun discerning while you jumped around in the crowd. You had decided your favorite out of all of them was the oceanic one. There were all sorts of tropical flora that formed the shape of a conch shell in the center, and it sat on a bed of beautiful blues and whites that formed into waves around it. You’ve never had the opportunity to go to the coast but seeing the float made you long for the sea in ways you’ve never had before. You hoped one day you’d get to go.

The second the last float drifted by, you wasted no time dragging your little group straight to the duck racing registrar. According to Levi, Jinae hosted this race as a fundraising event for the local orphanage in town. The premise is that people would pay for as many rubber ducks as they want for a certain amount of money and each duck had a number written on the bottom. Once everyone who wanted to enter did so, city officials then released all of the purchased ducks down the river to be collected at a certain point. Levi didn’t know of the specifics, but he said that eventually someone would fish them out at the designated finish line and people corresponding to the first 10 ducks that crossed would win a prize. It was the silliest thing you’ve ever heard of so naturally you brought money to participate.

Hange decided to start hosting weekly movie nights at your shared apartment and of course everyone was invited. As usual, your sister chose something "ironically hilarious", not without a mischievous cackle. Much to Hange’s disappointment but not surprise, you and Levi chose to spend that time playing cards and talking about the Sakura Festival at the dining table instead. With it coming up so soon, you had wanted to pick Levi's brain on what you should check out first. Levi said that it had been years since he last went, so he wasn't the best person to ask. But when you asked about the duck races, his usual stone-cold exterior softened. Levi didn't elaborate, but you could tell by the way his voice lightened that he was quite fond of the fundraiser. So, if Levi liked it, then so did you.

"Furlan just texted me to let me know he’ll be here soon. " Levi slides his phone into his back pocket as he speaks.

"Furlan's coming?" Hange asks as they snake an arm around your shoulders.

"Yeah, he kind of invited himself." Levi mutters.

"Hey, the more the merrier." Erwin chuckles behind Hange. You smile in agreement, but the subtle disappointment in Levi's tone doesn’t escape your ears.

"Well? Wanna try?" You shrug which Hange takes as an okay, a wild smile lighting up their face.

"Yes! Alright!! Levi, in you go!"

"Wha- like hell!"

"'Everything okay?" Erwin's voice comes muffled. He pops his head through the curtain, and his bright blue eyes land on your wide ones. If he was thinking anything, he gave nothing away.

"Yup almost... got it!" Hange yells in triumph as they press down on something. "Get ready!" There's a beeping coming from the corner of the booth that must be the countdown, but you can hardly focus on it. All you can think about is the way you fit on Levi's lap. Beep. How flush your body was against his chest that you could feel his racing heart, no doubt beating at the same speed as yours, against your back. Beep. His shallow breaths tickling the back of your neck as you clenched your hands into tight fists that rest on your thighs. Beep. Levi shifts under you, his leg jostling you for a moment. Beep. Your brain is foggy, clouded by Levi. Levi, Levi, all Levi.

"You okay?" Erwin steps up next to you, his voice laced with concern.

'Yeah, just really hot and stuffy in there.' You sign back, taking a deep breath. It wasn't a lie. But the way Erwin eyed you makes you feel like he knows something you don't.

"Alright, where to next!? We have plenty of time to kill." Hange exclaims.

The expression on his face would have been priceless had the clown been less horrifying. You give the clown a polite smile before gingerly grabbing Levi's hand, taking extra care of the missing digits, and dragging him away to a random direction within the crowd. He doesn't resist. He actually tightens his grip and pulls ahead so that he's the one leading. Taken aback by his sudden assertiveness, your heart does cartwheels. You're about to ask where he’s taking you until you see that he's pulling you in the direction of Hange and Erwin who are currently heading your way. His hand releases yours before reaching them, far too quickly for your liking.

“Shut up.” Levi flips Furlan off with a grumble.

“Sorry I’m so late. I slept in and then finding a parking spot was a nightmare! Where are we headed??” Furlan looks around your little group expectantly.

“Aw man, did I already miss the registration?” Furlan hangs his head low in disappointment.

“Well if you actually used the alarm function on your phone, you would have made it on time.” Levi retorts back dryly.

“That was very sweet of you.” Erwin whispers down to you as you all make your way to the finish line.

‘I didn’t want him to be left out.’ You sign back with a frown, and Erwin nods in understanding, a warm smile crinkling his eyes.

‘You okay?’ You sign to him, giving him a soft smile.

“They got winners!” Furlan yells out beside you, pointing down the river. There’s a crew holding up a green flag to signal the end of the race.

“Tch, I know what you’re doing.” He mumbles. He hesitates, then whispers a soft thank you.

Near the finish line was a sort of stage, something you suspect might be used for the live music later in the day. There was a man at the podium lining up the ducks as a crowd started gathering at the base of it, all ready and excited to see who the raffle winners were. You all decided to stick to the back because of how big the crowd was getting. After a moment, the announcer made a statement of where the winners needed to go to gather their prizes and then started listing off the numbers one by one. Unfortunately, no one in your group had a winning duck yet, though Levi never looked disappointed. In fact, he actually looked quite pleased that he hadn’t won anything.

“Aaand first place goes to… number 23!!”

“Well spit it out, what did you win!?” Hange asks eagerly.

“They’re airfare ticket vouchers! $500 each.” Furlan stands up straight with a huge smile.

“Each? How many did you get?” Erwin raises an eyebrow, curious now.

‘I can’t do that, you won them.’

“Tch, are we really okay with getting grass stains on our clothes?” Levi grumbles as he places his garbage on the pile of already accumulating trash sitting in the center of your small circle.

“You could always stand.” Erwin’s currently leaning against the tree, propped up on one shoulder as he sips his drink. His eyes light up at the sour expression he’s shot with.

“I’m sure your 5-step laundry system will get out any stains.” Furlan adds in with a chuckle. He pulls at his little dish of fries as he side-eyes you as you laugh along.

“That’s not the point, you idiots.” Levi mutters as he leans back against the tree next to Erwin and closes his eyes, crossing his arms against his chest as he does. Despite his terse words, he looks very relaxed. You don’t blame him. It was such a lovely spring day. A warm burst of air breezes through as if responding to your mental compliment. Smiling widely, you throw yourself backwards into the grass and stretch your limbs out. The sun filters through the trees onto your face and you close your eyes as well, relishing the warmth. Unbeknownst to you, Levi is cracking his good eye open to peek at the serene expression complimenting your pretty features.

You scramble to stand up and the goose’s head rises with you, never breaking eye contact. You take a couple tentative steps back. The wings had unfurled in a guarded, hostile stance - it seems you had made it mad. Every step back was not enough to distance yourself from it as it kept pace with you. You hear Levi and Furlan calling your name, but you don’t look over. You always laughed at the idea of geese, but now the source of terror stands right in front of you. The goose had its beak slightly open and you’re quick to spot rows of sharp teeth.

"Are you… okay?" He mutters hoarsely through gritted teeth.

'Me?! But you?!' You sign back, emphasizing your words with a bemused expression.

‘I’m sorry, I panicked.’ He waves his hand dismissively.

“What did the grass ever do to you?” You hear Levi joke next to you, his voice back to a normal octave and significantly less breathy.

‘Sure you’re okay?’ You glance over to him sheepishly, fiddling with a blade of grass in between your fingers. He meets your gaze.

“Are you two okay?!” You hear Hange screaming from the other side of the park, arms waving to get your attention. You shoot her two thumbs up.

The sun is just verging towards the end of the horizon the next time you’re conscious of the time. Oranges and pinks start to fill the sky. Somehow the day just slipped right by while you were all playing carnival games and jumping on the very questionable rides around the grounds. And it was all so fun. Your face ached from the contagious smiles and laughs that surrounded you. There was even a time where you had talked Levi into trying the absurd ice cream flavors from a stall suspiciously located all by itself off the beaten path. The glare full of daggers was resounding but he caved. It actually wasn’t as bad as he made it out to be, but he disagreed strongly.

‘Just a friend.’ Is all you sign back.

“There’s just a little more time before the fireworks go off. What now?” Hange calls out a few steps away, grabbing the men’s attention.

“It’s almost sunset! It’s the best time to check out the ferris wheel.” Furlan chips in.

‘Oh yeah, I’d love to check that out!’

“C’mon Jean, you gotta get over it sooner than later.” A closely shaven haired kid blurts out with a hard laugh.

A girl with red hair turns with powdered sugar all over her face and she’s mid chew, her eyes wide and expressive. “Deep fried Oreos.” Her voice is muffled by the food stuffed in her mouth.

That left you, Furlan, and Levi in one car. When you step in, the car wobbles ever so slightly and you have to grab on to the side to steady yourself. Someone places a hand on your back for support and when you glance back to see who it is, you see Furlan smiling up at you from the platform. You give him a nod of appreciation and turn to sit on one of the benches. The metal is cold even through your clothes and it makes you shiver. With the sun almost gone, the sky now a stunning mixture of blues and purples littered with pale stars, the air was getting cooler by the minute. Furlan settles himself in the spot next to you, shooting you a half-cocked grin. Levi gingerly sits himself down on the bench across from you and takes a moment to use both hands to massage the kneecap of his bad leg with a grimace.

'Okay?' Levi shifts his gaze up to you at the hand movement.

"Fine." You smile at him softly, but he's already looking off to the side at the man closing the car door.

"No need. You're okay."

'Leg? Okay?' You frown.

"Fine." That word again. “Just a lot of wal-"

"I bet they ran off to do something stupid." Levi mutters next to you.

"It’s almost your bedtime, old timer." Levi jabs. Furlan punches him in the arm with a wide grin.

"You're one to talk, grandpa. Anyways, where to now?" His bright eyes glance over at you.

‘I need something to drink.’ You sign lazily, increasingly aware of your parched throat with every step. Levi nods to you in understanding and starts making a path towards the vendors closer to the heart of the festival without a word. You’ve noticed in the past month or so that Levi had surprised you with his quick ability to pick up signs, even specific ones. Hange had made a comment about it a week ago but the way he brushed it off made you too nervous to talk to him about it, so you didn’t. You only wished you could have told him how much it warmed your heart to see him learning, whether it was on purpose or not.

“Thanks for the gratitude. Brat.” He drops your arm carefully.

‘Where’s Furlan?’ You stand on your toes to look over the crowd, but you don’t see your taller friend anywhere. The way Levi’s face falls at your question goes unnoticed.

“Why? I’m sure he’s off doing his own thing.” Levi scoffs. You frown at his sudden attitude, stealing a glance at his uninterested face.

‘He’s your friend, aren’t you worried?’ He rolls his eyes, which were currently lit up from your phone screen.

“You look miserable. Just take it.” You frown at him again.

‘You’re one to talk, grumpy.’ You sign at him but take the hoodie anyways.

Levi and you had found a spot under the trees, out of the crowd just like he wanted. People shuffle around as they find their own designated spot, all laughing and talking. The festival lights dance off the river’s reflection as it flows steadily and not a single cloud obstructs the sky. It was so peaceful, stunning even. But it was nowhere near as stunning as you were, leaning back to rest on your arms so you could stare up into the sky. It felt like every part of you overwhelmed his brain. The way his hoodie clung to your body, the way you looked at him, your stupidly sweet smile. The way his heart races any time he sees you let alone thinks about you. How could he not? Your eyes shift over to him, and he’s suddenly aware of his staring.

‘What?’ You sign to him. You’ve sat back up to stare at him, a perplexed expression across your face.

“Nothing. You just look relaxed.”

‘You?’ A frown replaces your smile.

“Me what?”

‘Happy?’ You stare straight into his eyes as you ask, searching. This prompts a signature Levi eye roll.

“I don’t know.” He glances back over to your face and the noticeable drop in your demeanor has him scrambling to recant his statement. “I think I am. It’s nice here, I guess.” With you. He rubs the back of his neck anxiously as he watches your face turn back into a big smile. With that you nod, satisfied with his answer, and lay back down against your forearms like you were before. Levi sighs under his breath and goes to do the same. But then he feels his hand grazing against yours, fingers lightly resting on top of each other, and an electrified shock passes from his arm all the way through his body. You don’t pull your hand away though, and neither does he.

“Yeah, where the hell did you both even go? And have you seen Furlan?”

“So, you ditched us to chase after someone?” Levi crosses his arms over his chest.

“What?”

“Tch, wouldn’t be the worst thing if that happened.”

“You jest but where would you be without your best friend? Probably in prison.”

“Whatever you say. Where are you then, if not dead?”

“Who?” Levi grumbles, pinching his lips together.

“You don’t know what you’ve seen.”

“So, it’s okay that I ask her out on a date then?” Silence. “That’s what I thought. Levi, you’re allowed happiness you know. Stop thinking something bad is going to happen.”

“Sure, but I doubt she feels the same.”

“You never know unless you ask. Anyways, I’m calling it. Talk to you soon, old man.” The line clicks and then he’s gone.

The night ended in quick goodbyes as everyone had work the next morning, besides you of course. After dropping the boys off, you made quick work of the drive back home. Your mind kept wandering back to the spot under the tree, where you’re certain you had almost kissed him. Wait, you almost kissed him. What is wrong with you, you chide yourself. You were just caught in the euphoria of the day, that’s all. You repeat that to yourself as you climb up the stairs to your shared apartment. Hange’s voice is dull against your raging thoughts, but you’re pretty sure they were still rambling about the person they met tonight. You go to unlock the door but are stopped mid-turn by Hange grabbing your hand to get your attention. Glancing over, you see a concerned look etched into their face.

“Are you okay?”

‘Fine.’ You unlock the door and push it open. ‘Tired.’ You yawn to emphasize, which really wasn’t a lie. Though your mind was far from tired, the events of today really wore you out.

“Hey, is that Levi’s jacket?” You glance down at the tight fabric around your torso. Shit.

‘Yeah, he let me borrow it. I completely forgot to hand it back to him.’

You snap to get your sister’s attention before signing, ‘I’m going to shower then bed. Let me know if you need anything.’

‘It’s not like that. Everything is fine.’ You offer a reassuring smile. Everything was fine, just confusing.

Back in your room, you empty the contents on your desk and grab what you were looking for; the film strip of the four of you. You focus on the last one as you lie back down on your bed, a blush creeping up your face while you stare. You press the photos to your chest again. There’s no mistaking it, there was something going on between you and Levi. Did he feel that too? How long were you both going to dance around the subject, you wonder. On the off chance you are completely wrong though, you decide it might be best to wait. Saying something now might ruin what you both have, and you were not willing to risk that friendship. With the smell of Levi pervading your senses, you’re lulled into a deep slumber. The thoughts of him swirl through your brain and turn into pleasant dreams.

bzzzzz

Levi: I hope my hoodie kept you warm, please take care of it. Sleep well.

☆AN ➼ Hey guys, thanks so much for sticking around!! I hope you enjoyed! Only two chapters left. whoo! ☆

☾ Previous Chapter: March

☾ Next Chapter: May

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princessaurorasdiary · 2 months

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Diary 2/26: life update cause it's been 6 months at least

Hi 👋🏼, It's been a long time, about 6 months about. I'm 23 now

I have a lot of up and downs and haven't felt like writing, and my main creative outlet has been TikTok because to be honest, I feel less alone when I can see that people saw my video, and maybe ever gave it a like or comment

I guess I'll talk a bit about the last 6 months, I work at a craft store now, quit my old horrible job that mistreated me constantly, got COVID soon after quitting the old job, went and saw a medium sized artist I like in concert, second ever concert, her name is Tessa Violet, dragged my bff with me cause we planned it for her to come down and visit me during Spring Break.

I also confessed to my crush, they said they like me too and have just as long as I have but she thought me flirting was pitty compliments cause ADHD runs through both of us lol, it's been moving really slowly cause things keep happening to her, the universe is just slapping her weekly bro.

I don't hate my job at the craft store, but I miss doing a version of my chosen career as a baker/cake decorator, really wish that place wasn't so toxic and that I had a car already.

I'm still trying to get a car, it took me 3 months to get a new job after quitting my old one, the COVID thing was a month of that but also just this job market sucks, origami current job was seasonal, but I have really good numbers on the register and I'm good at the other parts like stalking and sorting and fixing things on the shelfs so I got kept on. I make sure not to give a ADHD 100% anymore, it killed me at my old job and whenever I only had a normal person's 100% they acted like I was failing when I was just doing a normal amount instead of a crazy amount, so I learned not to grind myself to the bone.

I can't remember if I've mentioned this, probably not tho, I go to a weekly crochet club for months now, it's all older ladies and me but it's better than nothing with how I don't really have friends other than my best friend. They care about me and I care about them and it's nice to talk to others once a week.

I kinda ran outta steam for finding friends the last 2 months, I was trying and trying and I'm just tired after months and months or trying 🤷

I think about making a post all the time, but also feel like I'm writing into the void, which has been terrifying me lately, the void that is, long story short, I was stressed AF and couldn't sleep for days the day before Halloween and tried to smoke to fall asleep, but before I'd just taken a hit or two of my brothers sleep type vape, but actually smoked it that night for the first time and instead tripped horribly and it's still affecting me mentally, the memory of the horror that was that night.

Editing a note: I was basically trying to test for a bit if a sleep strain of weed would help with my at the time rampid insomnia since sleep meds either don't work on me or give me bad side effects, but after that night I'm probably never touching it again so ✌🏼

I also am just not feeling great medically, I just got my broken tooth pulled through and did my wisdoms at the same time and already feel better even with the jaw pain, so hopefully some of the not feeling well was because of my teeth, I've been working on trying to finally fix my teeth as well and I think it might actually happen now

Anyways, it's after 3:20am so I'm gonna go lay down even if I don't sleep till 4 cause laying down is better than nothing

#diary #diary entry #dear diary

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jerzwriter · 2 years

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Sunday Six 5-15-2022

Hey There! This is an update of things to come, and there is a snippet of each of the three featured stories above available below the break.

YES, that's Delaying the Inevitable you see there. Truth be told... I didn't like my epilogue. Serves me right for trying to finish while I was still in the throughs of covid. After spending almost a year on this series, it's been sitting with me, and I can't leave it standing as it is. So, I'm in the process of putting together a new and improved DTI Epilogue. I hope to have it posted this week.

Also featured below is Part Two of the Friends* Mini-Series and the next installment of Their First Two Months. In regard to TFTM, I'm going to change the formatting so it's not each day covered, it will just be stories that took place during that time. I may even bring some existing fics into that umbrella. It's a bit of a project, but I hope to have that done soon.

Also coming very soon (but no sneak peeks) is Part 10 of Casey & Tobias's HC Their Start, this is the senator attack - so angst city! And the conclusion of the should have been done ages ago mini-series When the Bough Breaks.

Thank you always for reading, engaging, and your support. I ❤️ and appreciate our little fandom. I'm happy to be a part of it, and I'm glad each of you is here.

Friends* - Part 2: A Certain Kind of Bliss

Bryce watched Tobias as they lingered in the cafeteria line. He had barely said a word, and his eyes darted to every corner of the room. But when he didn’t respond to the hot new nurse from peds unabashed attempting to flirt with him. Bryce knew something was up.

“So, you going to tell me what it is? Or do I need to guess?”

Shaking off his thoughts, Tobias reached for an item under the counter, ‘Excuse me? There’s nothing wrong. I’m fine.”

Bryce chuckled, “Really. Because you just put a cup of pineapple on your tray, and… you’re allergic to pineapple, dude. So, I’ll ask again. What gives?”

Tobias peered around to make sure no one was in earshot, then he leaned in close to whisper. “I did something… I did something stupid.”

“So? It’s a day that ends in -y. What else is new?” Bryce laughed. “Come on, what happened? What did you do?”

“Not what… who, and I really hope I didn’t fuck up.”

~~~~~

Their First Two Months: Day 21 – Brunch:

“This is so nice,” Casey smiled. The dearest people in her life all surrounded her, most with mimosas in hand. “Maybe Ethan and I should just get married right now. We have everything we need right here.”

Ethan pulled her closer under his arm. “I can’t say that I disagree. We could head down to City Hall after, and I’ll even spring for dinner tonight.”

“You’re not even a little bit funny, Ramsey!” Sienna barked. “As pleasant as this is, this is a planning session to give you both the wedding you deserve. We have work to do!” She glared in Casey’s direction, “And that starts with getting you a dress. Rose, Jackie, Aurora, when are we all free… this might take some doing.”

After a few moments of juggling calendars, they all agreed that a week from Tuesday would be the day.

“That wasn’t too bad, Rose,” Casey sighed. “See, it’s going to be fine, Sienna!”

“Yes,” Naveen added, dabbing a napkin on his lip. “And that Tuesday works perfectly for me as well. I’m looking forward to it.”

Naveen grew uncomfortable as he looked at the blank stares coming his way. “What? I’m invited, aren’t I?”

Casey took Naveen’s hand and gave it a squeeze, “Of course you are, and I will be just delighted to have you there.”

~~~~~

Delaying the Inevitable – Epilogue (New and Improved)

The waiter came to remove their plates, and Vivian smiled warmly across the table at her son. They were both pleased, he had been in town for just two days, and everything was going better than planned.

“I’m paying for this one, Ma, and I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“Good,” she smirked, “I was wondering when you’d finally part with your cash.”

Shaking his head with a chuckle, he reached for his wallet, but the smile fell from his face once it was opened up. Her photo was still there, he could never bring himself to remove it, but as he stared at it now, the rest of the room melted away. Vivian’s eye stretched over the table and followed his gaze. Her shoulders sank when she saw the reason for her son’s sudden mood change.

“Have you called her?” she whispered.

He lifted his eyes to his mother’s and pulled out his card, snapping his wallet shut.

“No,” he answered matter-of-factly. “I haven’t. Not yet, anyway.”

“Well, then, why don’t you? Tobias, for heaven’s sake, she’s but five blocks away as we speak.”

“Ma, you have to let me go at my own pace. Losing Casey was one of the hardest things I ever had to go through, and… I don’t know if I could face losing her a second time.”

Vivian put down her cup of tea and reached out for her son’s hand.

“I know, my dear, I do. And, miraculously, I am letting you take the lead, but… remember I’m here if you need me. Contrary to your beliefs, I honestly know a thing or two about love, and I’m happy to share my knowledge… if you wish.”

Permas: @a-crepusculo @animesuck3r @annoyingmillenialnewbie @anonymousrookie @bex-la-get @binny1985 @bluebelle08 @bluerosesbloom @coffeeheartaddict2 @crazy-loca-blog @danijimenezv @darkswagamerpiratecowboyclown @differenttyphoonwerewolf @dorisz @genevievemd @jamespotterthefirst @jennieausten @kingliam2019 @lady-calypso @liaromancewriter @lucy-268 @mainstreetreader @parisa-kh @peonierose @potionsprefect @quixoticdreamer16 @rookiemartin @rosebudde @schnitzelbutterfingers @secretaryunpaid @sillydg @spookycolorpeanut @socalwriterbee @thegreentwin @trappedinfanfiction @writer-ish @youlookappropriate @zahrachoices @kachrisberry @fayeswiftie @choiceskatie

OH: @aishwarya26 @onikalover @peonyblossom @toadfrog26 @jerzwriter2

Ethan Only: @cryomyst @custaroonie @gryffindordaughterofathena @mysticaurathings @queencarb @sincerelyscarring @wanderingamongthewildflowers

Tobias Only: @icecoffee90

@choicesficwriterscreations

#sunday six #open heart choices #delaying the inevitable #cfwc sunday six #sneak peek #updates

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karasa · 3 months

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Hi Rachel, can you hear me?

Originally published March 27th, 2021

Rachel, it’s been a year since I heard your voice. As I was sniffling and sneezing, horrifying customers with my allergies as the coronavirus became more and more real.

“It’s going to be fine, did you have some lasagna?” You looked at me. You were smiling. Everytime we talked, you were smiling. When you were telling me about how your son’s father was going to stop by, about the crazy neighbors you had, the plans you set to reinvigorate our cafe, for every trouble you shared with me and every bright moment we had together, you always smiled.

I keep trying to make a lasagna that’s as good as yours. I think of you with every bagel sandwich I order, every coffee I make at home. I think of your smile when I take a sip of my latte, I think of how your eyes lit up when I’d shuffle to the back for a new drink to try.

“Don’t be so down on yourself, it’s good!”

Rachel, I miss you so much. My life would be different if you were still here. I’d still have my friends, my job, I’d have more confidence that came from how proud you were every time I told you about something I’ve done.

Rachel, it’s so unfair. So many people have passed but I never knew it could happen to you. You are a life force that transcends what life means. You were the foundation of everything I wanted to be. Strong, self-assured, brave, proud. You were everything a perfect chef wants to be. Organized, headstrong, creative, spontaneous. You were everything a perfect mother could be. Open, thoughtful, compassionate, loud. You were everything that a COVID victim wasn’t supposed to be: healthy, careful.

When I got the call in April, I didn’t know what to think. I couldn’t. For so long you’ve been a little voice that lives in my head, every chance I had to falter I’d imagine you in the kitchen, giving me advice as you always would when service slowed down and we’d get a chance to talk.

“Mija I don’t get it, if you wanna do it, do it. Who’s stopping you but yourself?”

“Listen, I know you’re not stupid so I can trust you not to do that, because that’s stupid”

Rachel, you still inspire me. The grief that pounded on my chest for 3 months straight pushed me into therapy. I learned how to cope. How to be kind. My therapist would sit with me as I panicked and cried, as I gasped for air she would coach me on how to find myself again. But I still heard your voice. “Dude, seriously? It’s not your fault.”

Rachel, I don’t want to believe that you’re gone. I want to get a text tomorrow from you that says “I can’t believe you wrote about me, weirdo! thank u.”

What hurts me the most is knowing that I rarely said this to your face. I think you knew how I felt, you were my kitchen mom. You were THE shoulder to cry on, you were THE person who would hang our accomplishments on the fridge. The person who knew how to make everyone smile. The person who loved through food.

Our last words to each other were “I love you. I’m going to miss you.”

I remember the hug you gave me after I told you I was leaving for spring break. That the soonest we’d see each other would be the end of March.

Rachel, I wish I could’ve taken you that day. I would’ve hid you from the world, protected you from the transmission of the virus that killed you. I would’ve done things better.

“He’s a keeper, you know. I really liked him.” You said, after my boyfriend came to visit the summer before. Maybe it was you that cancelled my flights and pushed us to move in together. Maybe it’s you that’s been protecting me and all of our other cafe family members.

Rachel, I know you can hear me.

I don’t know what death means, but I know that the extra boost I feel from making excellent food is your smile radiating. I know that the accomplishments I’ve had feel better, because I feel your hug and I can see the happy dance you’d do when things really went your way.

Rachel, I never knew I’d speak of you in the past tense. Maybe 20 years from now when we’d be distant memories of each other, waxing poetic to our inner circle about how we made a home out of a cafe on Washington street. I never knew that you wouldn’t be around.

Rachel, I love you. I miss you. You are my best friend. I’m an entire time zone away from our first and last meeting place, but you’re in my heart always.

Rachel, I know you can hear me. Thank you for listening.

#words #covid #grief

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srrl-sulha-pilot · 1 year

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There it is. The song that captures my mood for Winter Break and the past seven years.

I’ve been going through lots of things since November 2021. It doesn’t help that I’m still seeking a therapist since the end of HS graduation in 2015. All I knew at the time was going to college to be an engineer. I was so wrong. Same with getting into Computer Science.

Who would have thought 18-year-old me would grow up to work three different jobs, switch majors twice, and go back to grad school immediately after getting a Bachelors? Hell, I didn’t think I’d survive college with a gradually deteriorating mental state of mind or stay longer than a year with the transportation office as a Parking Enforcement Officer.

A lot of people came and went at that workplace. I stayed longer than most office staff - 7 years. You know what the strangest part is? I almost didn’t get the job because of my anxiety. “Give him a couple days, then let him go if he’s not up for it,” an old coworker said. Those couple of days turned into a couple of years. That was my life: clock in, gear up, and go out to explore the university life with its half-warm, half-cold cars or last weekend’s intimate details. No one watching me but my friends - coworker or not. Damn, I miss the bar hopping. I’m not a drinker, but I enjoyed the moments when everyone else drank and I was there to support them and their not-so-conscious state. Or the time everyone went to the fair during the summer of 2017. Or a moment in late spring 2017 when we partied at one dorm and I stayed over because of a MAX shooting. Or one time I slept at a friend’s couch after a night out of sharing good times while I was far from home that summer in 2018 (and leaving a $20 tip the next morning for their kindness before riding the bus back home).

Now that I look at where I am at this moment, so much stuff has happened since 2019. My mom got cancer on my last undergrad year, I pushed back on my graduation to 2020, the damn COVID pandemic tore the world apart, I lost my grandpa in April 2021, I jumped back to grad school in the summer of 2020, I visited Utah (and my then-partner) a few times, my third family was with my graduate colleagues, my siblings got married to their wonderful partners, I nearly lost my position as a Student Teacher, my graduate program was finished, I had a breakup with the best partner anyone could ask for, I lost a great friend (they’re still alive), I finally had vacations my family dreamed about, I found a job as a teacher, and I had my tearful goodbye with the transportation office. So many things to talk about. So many moments to remember. I can’t find the words to express how grateful I am. It’s also hard to explain how scared I was for things I set my mind to.

It’s hard to accept those changes all at once. My brain can’t handle the overload. I’ll get better at it one day.

Thanks for reading my thoughts, friend. We should chat some time soon. I’d love to hear from you.

#I’m more than writing on the wall #music #SoundCloud #Personal thoughts

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outsideratheart · 3 years

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You’re My Future (Christen Press x reader)

You and Christen had been together for a few years. You had met when Christen got called up to the senior USWNT.

Over the years you had both made a name for yourself in the soccer world, her being the speedy forward and you being the all or nothing midfielder. You both loved what you did for living but living the dream came with a cost. The cost was finally catching up with the both of you, all of the flights, minutes on the pitch and pressure from the press and fans.

Christen was so happy when it was announced that she was the first player to be signed to Angel City FC but that happiness didn’t last long. You were both trying to get over the olympics, sure a bronze medal was great but you both wanted gold and you blamed yourself personally as you were the captain no matter how many times your girlfriend told you otherwise.

When she told you that she was temporarily stepping away from international duty you were so proud of her. You wish you could do the same but it wasn’t that easy. In order for you to focus on your mental health you would have the step away from the thing that the helps clear you head, it was a lose lose situation for you.

“Y/N you get more stick and are under more pressure than me. I saw the way acted at the olympics when you thought I wasn’t looking. You cannot burn the candle at both ends and still expect to shine bright” Christen told you.

“I know but it’s not the same for me, I don’t have a family waiting for me” You instantly regretting it.

You stand there looking at Christen as she processes what you said.

“After all this time, you still don’t see me as family” She begins to say but you cut her off before things get much worse.

“Christen that is not what I meant and you know it”

“If I’m not family then what are we doing” Christen asks you as tears fall down her face.

This is what happens whenever you guys talk about this, it always ends up in a fight.

You watch as your girlfriend storms off into the bedroom you share.

“Chris, don’t shut me out. Let’s talk about this” you say leaning against the door frame.

She doesn’t answer you so you put you ear to the door and you hear Christen sniffling. Your girlfriend was crying and it was your fault, all because you couldn’t walk away from soccer.

You had chosen football over everything, family and friends included but Christen showed you a life outside of soccer and it scared the crap out of you. She was it for you, she was what you wanted in life and now it was time to show her that.

When christen came out of the bedroom you were gone and by the time you got back she was already asleep.

The next morning started like any other, you went for run whilst Christen did her yoga then you both meditated together. It had been like this since COVID happened.

It was what happend next which shocked Christen. You was watching ESPN when it was released.

“Breaking news! Portland Thorns and USWNT captain Y/N L/N announces that she will be taking a break from club and country. I had the pleasure of speaking to Y/N personally about this last night and she told me that it was time to focus on her mental health which is completely understandable. She captained the team in the highs of winning the world cup and the lows of rio 2016” The new anchor and a close friend of yours says.

Christen hangs on every word the women says before turning to look at you.

She opens her mouth but you cut her off before she even gets the chance to speak.

“ I love you Christen Press” you tell her.

“I love you but I know what soccer means to you”

“You mean more and you are right, I need to take a step back. Soccer occupies after thought I have. How can I play better, how can I be a better leader. I don’t allow myself to be happy” You admit it out loud.

You phone goes off and you see several messages from your teammates.

Christen looks at you in shock as you turn your phone off.

“Y/N you don’t have to”

“I want to”

The both of you didn’t leave the couch until the early evening when Chris told you that she was meeting Tyler for some food.

“You sure you don’t want to come? We are going to that Thai place you like” She laughs as your head perks up at the word ‘Thai’

“I’m going to call some of the girls back” You reply

Christen is almost out the door before you run after her.

She looks at you amused. You look her in the eye before kissing her, surprised when Christen deepens the kiss.

“Bring me back some spring rolls” You ask making your girlfriend laugh.

You run over the window making sure she is gone before putting your master plan together.

A couple of hours later you hear Chris opens the door.

“Honey, I’m home and I have spring rolls” You says but you don’t answer.

Christen looks in the kitchen but its empty, she goes into the living room you’re not there.

It is only when she goes into your bedroom that she finds you.

There you stand in front of your bed which is covered in hiking gear.

You look at her and she is clearly confused by what she is seeing.

You walk over to your girlfriend reaching for her hands.

“After your mom passed you told me you wanted to leave, go somewhere were nobody knew who we were and completely disconnect from the world”

You take a deep breath remembering it well. The loss of Christen’s mother was something you both felt deeply, seeing your girlfriend in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it destroyed you.

“There is this trail in Spain, it is called the Camino De Santiago”

Christen smiles knowing what you are about to suggest.

“It takes 4 - 6 weeks. It will just be me and you”

You look her in the eye.

“What do you say, are you ready for an adventure? Ready to do some soul searching?” You ask playfully.

You watch as christen struggles to speak, she is at a loss for words.

Instead of saying anything she pulls you into her embrace as she buries her face in the crook of your neck.

“Everyday with you is an adventure” She tells you.

“Pure cheese Christen Press”

“Shut up” She says slapping your arm.

“Is that a yes?” She nods her head enthusiastically.

“Good because we leave in a week” You tell her and her smile melts your heart.

That is the thing you loved most about Christen, her smile. Not matter what caused your sadness or pain, that smile would brighten your day.

A week later your adventure began and it was better than you could have ever imagined.

Your relationship with Christen was in a great place before the trip but now you felt closer to her if that was even possible.

Ever minute of every day you were with her and it made to look forward to the future you have with her.

She talked about her mother a lot which you knew was difficult but ever since she passed Christen focused on soccer so she never talked about her, not like this.

You talked to her about your early life, memories with your parents as well as their passing. You never talked to her about it before, she knew that had died but didn’t know when or how.

This trip allowed you both to be completely open with each other and show the other one your vulnerabilities.

4 1/2 weeks later and you were almost at the end of the trail, ahead of schedule but what was to be expected from two pro athletes.

It was the last night, you and Christen wanted to watch the sunset one last time before heading back to reality.

You both sat on the blanket taking in the sights in front of you.

“Thank you Y/N” Chris begins to say “I really needed this. To be away from our hectic lives, to deal with my grief and to find myself again”

“I love you Christen, more than anything in this world. I would do anything for you because your happiness is everything to me”

You stand up.

“Before you all I knew was soccer but you showed that life has more to offer. When we met I knew your were special and I knew that I wanted to have in my life in any way I could. You are my first thought in a morning and my last one on a night. I first told you I loved you when when we won the world cup for a reason, because even though we were just crowned world champions all I could think about was you, I knew that from there on out it was you or nothing. I cannot imagine my life without you in it”

You get down on one knee and open the ring box causing Christen to gasp.

“Where did you get that?”

“I asked for your mum’s permission before she passed, the next day she gave me this and I promised her that no one will work harder to make you happy or cherish you more than me” You explain.

“Christen Annemarie Press, will you marry me?”

“Yes Y/N L/N I will marry you”

You kiss her with every fibre of your being, the kiss growing more passionate with every passing second.

Christen Press was your future and you could wait to spend the rest of your life with her.

#uswnt x reader #uswnt one shot #uswnt imagine #christen press imagine #christen press x reader #christen press one shot

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valenhell · 3 years

Text

From the studio that brought you “I can’t find good Byler fics in the ao3 tag”, comes:

"The Definitive Byler fic rec list"

Literally no one asked for this but because I spent the majority of last year (...and 2019, and 2018...) reading byler fics and coping with life, I thought I’d make a list of some of my absolute favorites.

The other day I was basically starving for some byler fics and the angel @magicalfairy provided me with some of her faves so I thought I’d do the same, because I love reading, and I love all of these fics and I appreciate their writers💗 And fic writers in general, come on!

- This is a mix of long works and one-shots/short stories. - Everything is mostly fluff with a tad of angst and a lot of internalized homophobia conflict. - Every fic is completed, except for the ones I mention that they are not. - I try my best to lay out the stories in a way that I won’t spoil you the plot but also warning you of some stuff you might don’t like. Either way, all of these fics are correctly tagged by their respective authors/owners, so read at your own risk. For better understanding, in between brackets I denote Rating, Words and quantity of Chapters. - I feel like I should clarify, none of these are narrated in the singular first person. None of that “And I told him...”, no.

Long fics

a dream always the same (T, 99k, 35 chapters) What happened in those few weeks between the Battle of Starcourt and the Byers leaving Hawkins. Literally a satisfying and very needed fill in of season three, with a good dose of Mike’s thoughts and conflict. Mike’s characterization is specially amazing in this one. The writing style is amazing and I know the author put everything into making it historically accurate, and it was really sweet. You probably read it, it’s by the amazing sevensided here on Tumblr🧡

Spring Break (T, 120k, 14/15 chapters) The slowburn of my dreams. Lots of internalized conflict and conflict with each other. Conflict within the Party (uhh kind of), conflict with Mike and Will. Byers family has moved and the kids are visiting! Chaos. Characterization is on point. Yeah, I know it’s unfinished, but the fourteenth chapter actually serves as a pretty nice ending.

This is where it starts (M, 148.8k, 24 chapters) Aged up characters. The Party is in college and Will disappears again, but now it’s different. Mike knows he didn’t vanish from thin air, and the discovery he and the Party end up making is pretty insane. Mystery solving/fantasy/third dimension, throw in a bit of D&D and Mike realizing some shit, and you get this marvelous fic. It’s a breath of fresh air. The world building is definitely one of the elements that stands out the most, because it’s very nicely described, it sounds like a dream and it’s completely immersive. Absolute gem of a fic.

there’s a Starman waiting in the sky (M, 30.6k, 8 chapters) Do I need to say anything? Will is out there living his best life and Mike realizes that wow, umm, maybe his best friend looks a bit too nice with that costume... and wait, is he getting horny? It’s actually really fun and sexy.

The Evening Speaks (T, 23k, 7 chapters) In where Mike is a late-night college radio host and Will is the art student that stays up till late to catch up with Wheeler on the Mic. They flirt through songs y’all, this one is really sweet.

heads or tails? (E, 24k, 3 chapters) Aged up characters. I know most people don’t enjoy sex in fics and with specific characters but this one is insanely well written. It’s a slowburn that commits to the tension and with every word you are grasping and anticipating their next move. I think you can find the author here on Tumblr as yousaidyes🧡

The Man of Average (M, 56.7k, 5/? chapters) Aged up characters. No but you don’t understand, the writing here is absolute gourmet. The story is exciting as well, it’s super interesting. Weirdly enough, for being very aged up characters, they are well characterized but they don’t feel like teenagers. They are naturally Mike and Will. The author really captured Mike and Will’s essence. I know, it’s unfinished and it’s updated very rarely, but this is the typical fic you can’t believe someone just posted on the internet for free. I will say though, I think it’s definitely not for everyone. Read at your own risk.

Heartstrings (E, 82.8k, 24/? chapters) Aged up characters. By the same author of The Man of Average. A collection of memories, the road to Mike and Will’s happy ever after. And fucking hell!!!!! You’ll cry and get angry, you’ll cheer for them, then you’ll want to crash their faces together because god dammit you love each other!!! But yeah, same thing here. The writing and the way the story is laid out as a nonlinear narrative is brilliant. And I also think this is one of the best Will versions I’ve read. The author might as well be the og creator of this two characters tbh. You can find the author here as mylesimeblr🧡

Sinners behind the walls (T, 1.5k, 1/1) And because I can’t stop recommending this author, a little thing of Mike tormenting himself but also being too deeply committed to Will.

The Red Envelope series (T/E, 167K, two completed works) Something happens that Will thought was impossible and from there, pure drama and romance. Anything by this author has the potential to become your absolute favorite fic, but this series in particular is amazing. I doubt that any of you haven’t read this, but it doesn’t hurt to put it in this list. I’m pretty sure the author is serendipitous-magic on Tumblr🧡

A New Fight series (T, 91k, two completed works, one WIP) And finally the Star Wars AU that we all needed. But this isn’t your typical “Mike is Han”, “Will is Leia” and “El is Luke”, it’s way more interesting than that, and the author has appropriated the Star Wars world like no other. I’ll admit I’m not a 100% fluent in SW lore but this is amazing to me either way. This author is also on Tumblr, tea-for-one-please🧡

- Yes, most of these are (if not all), in a way, canon compliant/canonverse/canon continuation into fanon. (In a way)

One-shots and short stories

Sundae for Two, Please (G, 4.8k) Steve being the supportive friend and older brother these kids collectively need. (not Jonathan erasure, we love him). Steve is very sweet himself, and this little cute thing through his POV is gorgeous. Yes, it’s byler.

Backstage (T, 10k, 2/2) Jonathan, you forgot to mention to Will how hot your new band’s guitarist is, dude. Now he’s hyperventilating and weirdly flirting with him in the corner. Background Stonathan because why not.

102 Peach Street (G, 3.8k) Established relationship, but not only that, they are married :’’))) PURE fluff. Extreme fluffiness. Diabetes.

sweatshirts and bottled up feelings (T, 3.2k) Or, Mike thinks that the sweatshirt Will wears looks insanely good on him. And kitchens are for lovers.

kiss it better (T, 16.3k) Basically one of the best character studies of a few precise moments of Mike and Will’s relationship and feelings.

will wonders ever cease (T, 11.3k) #i ship will and happiness. Omfg what a beautiful piece of fanfic. Will centric, this kid really deserves all the good in the world.

The Calm After the Storm (T, 1.6k) Tooth rotting fluff, boyfriends in love. Boyfriends being lazy, cuddling, love words, kisses. Boys loving each other’s company... Basically, Mike and Will in their element. What more can you ask for?

neither of us ready to let go (T, 4.8k) That scene from season three, but a bit of a fix it.

Still in love (G, 1k) Domestic, married life au fluff. Y’all, I’m a sucker for established Byler, even if I can’t find many fics with it. But this is very sweet. It takes place in 2020, but I don’t think there are any mentions of the COVID-19 crisis that I remember.

I Nver Find Out ‘Til I’m Head Over Heels (G, 12.5K) Classic 5+1 fic. If you haven’t read it, where have you been? This is your moment. In where Mike keeps inviting Will to the school dances and Will thinks it’s just a joke until he realizes it’s not.

Before You’re Gone (T, 5.9k) Will is leaving Hawkins and Mike thinks this is a great moment for a confession. This one I discovered last friday, thank you friend @magicalfairy 💗

You’re weird Wheeler (M, 4.5k) Mike unintentionally starts a tradition of going to each other to talk about their sexual encounters just after they finish. Will keeps getting more explicit with the details he shares, and he makes his best friend interested. This one is really fun y’all.

Out-Of-Town Friends (N/R, 4.6K) It’s not rated. I haven’t re- read it but I’d say it would probably fall in a T rating. So cute!! Will has new friends and sneaks off every friday and the Party doesn’t know where he is going, so Mike decides to follow him and is surprised.

Snowed Under (G, 1.3k) By the same author of The New Fight series. Mike is spending christmas by himself in college because a snowstorm hits Chicago and Nancy can’t drive to see him, but then he has a surprise visitor. Ahhh just a lil sweet holiday fic. Super cute.

you love me anyway series (T, 7.1k, three completed works) Literally just the cutest thing ever. Established Byler. Will loves to take pictures and he loves taking pictures of Mike. It’s adorable.

you wanna be friends forever (i can think of something better) (T, 9k) This one is so amazing. So. Amazing. From Will’s POV, my kid deserves the world and he gets it.

okay not to be okay (T, 4.9k) Mike is a bit sad but then everything is okay.

can’t hold out forever (G, 18.4k) Y’all!!!!! 5+1 sweetness. Mike has been falling in love since kindergarten. And it’s long af, you’ll enjoy it.

even if it takes forever (G, 1.3k) College short AU, they miss each other, they love each other, they promise all to each other. It is sappy y’all.

clear as day (N/R, 18.4K, 4 chapters) It’s not rated, but I’d say it falls in the T category. Strangers to friends to lovers. And also, everyone is pretty gay; we have our dynamic trio Mike, Max and El as disaster lesbians (and gay). Will works at the library and he is also gay. Lucas and Dustin and Will are the best friends we needed. It’s very sweet and the Party is kind of formed here!

I went overboard with the one-shots, so you must have realized how much I love long one-shots and I favor them over long works lmao but they are all amazing!!! If it’s on this list, I probably read it at 2 am, sobbing in my bed. So. Hope you enjoy it☺️🧡

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organic-guacamole · 3 years

Text

episode 209 spoilers below

I'm so late today but here it is

I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.

Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.

LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"

ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times

SEBLOS

damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋

CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!

we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.

old old movies-

is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-

i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards

aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls

(please ignore me)

y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her

ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.

so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them

do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....

speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄

big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that

I can't-

i won't work you over the break-

this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.

YES GINA USE THAT CHARM

QUEEN

FRENCH QUEEN

SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)

smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.

The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"

I love them your honour.

EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE

great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.

finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell

the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn

no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-

Ricky is me. I am burrito.

oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it

is that even the same lady or-

THE BEAN

THE CHICAGO BEAN

THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭

jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.

"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."

SO MANY CANDLES

WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-

is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-

Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.

EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)

oh not the tiktok kid✋

yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career

sir take a hint and leave

GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER

Ricky, walking in style✨

weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?

not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more

RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-

YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad

still don't know if I like Jack honestly

hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.

that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time

the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-

anyways wbk she's not totally straight

Jack are you a criminal?

quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker

THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN

the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now

stole her grandma's Pomeranian-

Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-

the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though

anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?

wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?

wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED

the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭

sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...

take that as you will

I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off

that's the most realistic part of this show tbh

shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...

Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...

KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS

I hate school

ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩

I never lie, except when I do-

son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"

2 truths and a lie👀

he's an Ariana fan 100%

called it.

OLDER BROTHER-

WHAT-

free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie

so has she been kissed or not?????????

I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly

but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn

same though Gina so let's be besties please

heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn

but wait

is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???

guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme

THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT

IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S

OMG I LOVE I LOVE

NOT THAT I KNOW OF???

ma'am did you just kill me

yes you did

Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship

YES IT DID SUCK

TODD SUCKS

LYNNE SUCKS

yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME

right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-

Richard needs a long hug

yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.

YES DYE YOUR HAIR

BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN

"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."

gotta admit I teared up at that point

not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-

Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?

also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg

"don't ask me"

"Carlos"

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

big red wants the tea

O M G

SEB IS JEALOUS

JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC

I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh

So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right

EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there

"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.

jealous seb = sassy seb

please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb

6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍

I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.

Jack please dont be like that, "yet"

chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰

(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)

Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least

Nini: "im good"

cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif

oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second

1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around

2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???

ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ

*chefs kiss*

now everyone shut up, EJ's singing

oh i think I'm pregnant

HIS MUSCLES

YES KOURTNEY

I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots

sebby makes me so happy

props to biggies editing skills honestly

PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT

AND SEBLOS OMG

big red lives for the drama

"wow" so true Ricky

no he is not cute, stop it

"holding" ok that's kinda cute

yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌

jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-

keep in touch if you want

ok I really like Jack now

if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?

like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?

I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold

Ricky's breaking my heart

that song just hurts

the only thing

now I don't hate Lynne????????

HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER

UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER

I mean I don't live her now but she's good

but honestly

"mom can I show you something"

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG

I'm sobbing please help

Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???

ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there

her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.

this episode was great.

it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.

Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts s2 #hsmtmts season 2 #hsmtmts spoilers #ej caswell #ricky bowen #gina porter #seblos #nini salazar roberts #jack hsmtmts #carlos rodriguez #seb mathew smith #kourtney greene #big red #ashlyn caswell #caswell cousins #portwell will be the death of me #guac's episode text blocks :)

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poedameronloverx · 3 years

Text

Close To Home

Life In Lockdown Masterlist

Pairing - Poe Dameron x F! Solo Reader

Warnings - Massive amounts of Covid talk in this chapter as it starts to effect our lovely little squad, so if that upsets you please don’t read, I don’t want anyone to be triggered or upset by this content <3

Month 2 – April 2020

As the weeks went on, you found yourself getting more and more used to remote working. Your boss had made a lunch time finish on a Friday a weekly thing and you were grateful for it. Poe was getting every Friday off, and Rose got to finish at 3pm on a Friday. You and Poe were working round each other better, you’d gotten used to his singing and he got used to you getting up to wander round the room and stretch every hour or so. The novelty of having people around all day had worn off for BeeBee, he would choose to spend an entire day with either Poe or you and lie by your feet for the day. Rose’s idea of doing something each evening had stuck and you had set up a weekly plan of things to do. Movie nights became a Friday night tradition. Rose had ordered relaxation colouring books for each of you and that became your Monday night routine. There was a YouTube marathon on Tuesdays, you’d all found a series to binge together on Wednesdays and you played board games on Thursdays. Poe was teaching you to cook, you could make basic things but he was much better than you were and you’d asked him to help you learn. Rose loved teasing your about how cute you both looked and how domestic it was. Things were still strange but everyone was getting used to it.

Rose and Finn occasionally took walks after work, just the two of them. Poe had just arrived back home with BeeBee. He wandered into the living room and found you sitting on the sofa crying your eyes out. He was by your side in an instant, pulling you into his arms and rubbing your back.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“My dad” you sobbed “He has the virus; he’s in the hospital on a ventilator”

“Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry!” he pulled you tighter “He’ll be fine, I’ve never met a man as strong and stubborn as Han Solo!”

“Mum said he’s really ill, she’s not even allowed to go and see him”

“It’s not fair”

“I just want to go and see mum and hug her”

“I know sweetheart, I know”

Poe held you until you eventually cried yourself to sleep. He pulled you onto him, and grabbed the blanket from the back of the sofa and draped it over you. BeeBee jumped up onto the sofa and lay by your legs. Your body heat and the heat from the blanket lulled Poe to sleep. When Finn and Rose came back a little while later they eyed you suspiciously. The sound of Rose’s keys against the coffee table woke Poe.

“This looks romantic” Finn said

“Far from, I’ve just held her whilst she cried herself to sleep” Poe replied, glaring at his friend

“What’s wrong?” Rose asked

“Han’s got the virus; he’s in hospital on a ventilator”

“Oh my god, when did that happen, is he alright?”

“I don’t really know” Poe shrugged “She was really upset, I only got the basic information from her”

“I’ll phone Leia” Rose replied “To get more information but also to check on her”

Finn nodded “That's a good idea”

“I should text Ben.” Poe said “Then we need to work out what to do here. I don't want to put her to bed before dinner, I know she’s exhausted herself crying but she needs food in her system, as much as she probably won’t want it”

“We can make a start on dinner, wake her when it’s ready and make sure she eats at least a little then she can get some sleep” Finn said

Poe managed to lift you off him enough to move, he laid your head on a pillow and made sure the blanket still covered you. BeeBee got up and moved along the couch so he could snuggle against your stomach. Poe headed to the kitchen and made a start on dinner with Finn’s help. Rose sat on the bottom stair and called Leia. She was on the phone for 10 minutes before joining the guys in the kitchen.

“What did she say?” Finn asked

“He had a few symptoms so they called the doctor yesterday and he was told to go in and get checked out, they didn't want to worry Y/N and Ben so they just kept it between them at that point, the hospital got him tested and obviously he had it so they said he would get kept in overnight but he started to struggle to breathe so they put him on the machine. They don’t know when or if he’ll come back around”

“Oh god” Finn replied

“We just have to take care of her” Rose said “We know how close she is to her parents and not being able to be with them is going to be so hard for her”

“She has us” Poe replied “And we’ll be here for her day and night, no matter what time”

“Absolutely” Rose nodded “I’ll wake her for dinner”

The next week was difficult, you’d asked for some time away from work as you knew you would never be able to concentrate whilst your thoughts were all about your father. He hadn’t been getting better but he also hadn’t gotten any worse, which the doctors said was a really good thing. Poe and Rose had both taken a few days off to make sure someone was with you and helping keep your mind off things. You and Poe were on a walk with BeeBee one afternoon when your phone rang.

“It’s mum” you said to Poe before answering the phone. He gently took hold of your arm and led you over to a wall where you could sit. He could only hear your side of the conversation but the fact you hadn’t burst into tears yet made him feel more positive. “I’ll speak to you later mum, love you. Bye”

“How’s things?”

“Dad came off the ventilator this morning” you replied, happy tears appearing in your eyes “He’s breathing on his own and the doctors are really happy with his progress”

“That’s great news sweetheart. And it’ll be a load off your mind knowing he’s doing okay”

“Yeah, it really is” you replied “Thank you, you’ve helped keep me going this last week or so. I really appreciate it”

“I’m here for you anytime sweetheart” Poe replied

“I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. It's been so scary seeing all the stuff on the news, I guess I just didn't think it would end up so close to home”

Poe held his arms open and you fell into his hug gratefully. Poe gave the best hugs in the entire world. He hugged tightly and it made anyone he hugged feel secure and content.

Easter was very much a non event, the weather wasn't great so you were inside all day. Poe cooked a nice meal for everyone and you sat and watched a lot of TV whilst eating all of the Easter snacks you'd ordered in with the food shop. You were all happy to have a few days off work, Finn had a few weeks off whilst the schools were closed for the spring break. A few days after Easter, your father was released from the hospital. He still wasn't 100% back to his normal self but he was really glad to be back in his own home. You face-timed with him and your mother every day, just to check up on how they were both doing. You knew it wasn't easy on Leia either. She had to take care of Han plus do everything herself at home, whilst trying to work. Finn decided to take up gardening whilst he had free time, he ordered loads of plants and gardening tools online and got to work as soon as they arrived. Your garden had never really been full of plants because you and Rose were always too busy and neither of you were that into gardening. Finn cut down all the bushes, planted loads of flowers and painted the fences. The small fence that separated the patio from the grass was painted a sky blue and all of the surrounding fences were white. Poe helped Finn with the painting, whilst you and Rose cleaned up all the garden furniture. Once you were done, it looked like a whole new garden.

As the month went on, things with everyone's work got quieter. You were no longer working full days, Monday to Wednesday you only worked from 11am until 3pm, Thursday you worked 9am-12pm and Friday was a day off. Rose only had to work Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Poe no longer had to do any work. He was luckily still getting paid but his work just didn't have anything else they could do remotely. They told him to keep checking his work emails just incase anything did come in. It took a while to adjust to all of the free time. Working from home had been strange anyway but only working for part of the time made it even weirder. Finn was still working his normal hours after the school break. Friday became a cooking day. Poe continued to teach you how to make meals, and sometimes the pair of you would bake.

Rose liked to come on walks with BeeBee when she had the spare time, the park was everyone's favourite place to go. It became a lifeline to everyone. The stay at home order still said you were only able to go out once a day for some exercise. You all began to look forward to walk time so you could get to your park. You could walk all the way round it twice before BeeBee got bored. You would always stop at the kiosk and get a coffee or an ice cream, whilst the dog ran after his ball.

“This is his dream” Poe chuckled as he watched Rose throwing the ball “He's getting to spend time with people he loves, he's getting much longer walks than normal and he gets to run after his ball a lot”

You smiled “Animals must be loving this lockdown thing, they get to spend so much time with their humans and don't have to stay home alone all day”

“Bee is loving living with you and Rose. He's always really happy when you guys come to visit us so all of us living together is great for him”

“I'm actually really enjoying it too, I had my reservations at first. Especially when Rose just mentioned Finn moving in. I didn't want to be the third wheel in my own home. And even when she said you were coming too, I wasn't sure we'd all manage to work around each other but thankfully we have and I couldn't be happier to be spending this lockdown with you guys. Especially with how much you helped me when my dad was ill”

“I'm glad we're all together too. It's made things feel so much better knowing that anytime I have a bad day I get to spend it with my best friends. Living with Finn is great but sometimes when him and Rose are all loved up it gets a bit annoying. I mean not that I'm not happy for them because I absolutely am, they're a great couple but yeah”

“No, I totally get that. Being the 3rd wheel isn't easy” you nodded “They're adorable, but sometimes it sucks to be left out so I'm glad we have each other during this lockdown”

“Me too, I think you're the only one that gets what it's like to be 3rd wheel to them” Poe chuckled

The final few days of the month were difficult, Rose fell ill with suspected Covid. She had all of the symptoms but she didn't feel overly ill. Finn moved into the spare room with Poe, he didn't want to get ill whilst he was still so busy with work. You looked after Rose, bringing her food and plenty of fluids to keep her going. You were glad that she didn't have a really bad case of it, but you worried for the rest of you.

So here’s the next part. I hope if you read this far that you enjoyed it and you’re still enjoying the series. Your comments would mean the world to me <3 Have a lovely weekend!

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x F!Reader #Poe Dameron x F!Solo Reader #tw covid #tw: covid #tw Covid19 #tw: covid19

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ur-favorite-queer-queen · 3 years

Text

Death

For Maribat March day 14 theme death

Master List

Marinette stayed cuddled in Damian’s arms as she scrolled through her photos. All dated more than a year before, she looked so happy, being able to go outside and do normal things. No constantly readjusting a mask, no being careful not to touch anything, no staying as far away from other people as possible, and no fear of dying just by leaving your house.

However, Damian felt her freeze as she reached a photo from a year and 2 months ago. It was the last photo she took with her Nona. It featured her and her Nona in front of her Nona’s motorcycle. It was the last time her Nona had visited them before Covid had gotten bad.

She wanted to punch herself for being so stupid a year ago. When they had received the email that they would be getting a few weeks off of school in order to stay safe, no one had taken it seriously. It was like an early break in their eyes. She remembered she was one of the students that went and hugged her friends, claiming that over the break they would have sleepovers and parties. How she couldn’t have been more wrong. She couldn’t have been more stupid.

Because a couple of weeks later she found out her Nona had passed away. Somewhere along her travels she had caught Covid and was unable to be treated in time. They held a small funeral, it was only her, her parents, and her grandpere.

Then they found out that they would not be returning to school. The city, the country was on a lockdown. Everyone was required to wear a mask everywhere they went, people wouldn’t leave their houses unless it was absolutely necessary.

Over summer she video chatted with all of her friends, unable to hang out with them in person. Many of them had also experienced the grief that Marinette felt. Some of their loved ones had passed away as well. Yet despite that they all thought that this would be over by the time school started. That everything would go back to normal. They were wrong.

School would now be online and there was a small chance that they would be able to go back in person. She had to settle for continuing to see her friends and classmates over a screen. Her grades were the worse they had been in years since learning online was so much worse than in person. Sure she was never late, but it was so hard to learn online.

This whole time it felt like she was going crazy. She never realized how bored she could get when she was so cooped up in her house. She got what many people called stir-crazy. And that wasn’t the worst part.

Her parents business was starting to slow, they had to switch to delivery in order to make ends meet. But with the spike in cases people were taking no chances.

But finally good news had come in the form of the Wayne family. They had offered to take in Marinette for the month of March, all of them had tested negative. Alfred, Bruce, and her parents had even been able to get the vaccine.

Her parents thankfully noticed how she was slowly losing her mind and let her stay with them. With daily check-ins, she was even flown with the Waynes’ private jet.

Of course that made school a little harder but she was glad to be in a new space. Plus, the manor was huge and it felt like she would never get tired of exploring it.

However today was March 14th, exactly a year ago she had thought that this quarantine wouldn’t last that long. Now here she was a year later, still in quarantine, still unable to do anything in the outside world.

But thankfully things were getting better, slowly but surely, vaccines were getting out and places were reopening. It just sucked that things would never, could never be the same.

Not with so many people losing so many loved ones. Including her Nona, who she hadn’t gotten to spend enough time with.

“Marinette, are you okay?” Damian asked, alarmed, moving her so that she was sitting up and facing him. His hand wiped her cheek and she realized she had been crying.

“No. I just-I just hate all of this! Why did this have to happen!” She cried, burying her face into Damian’s shoulder.

“It's okay, things are getting better. They will get better.” Damian comforted, rubbing circles into her back.

“I wish this never happened.” She whispered, Damian almost missed it.

“I know. I do too. I’m sure everyone does,” He pushed her back so that he could look in her eyes, “But I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t want you to cry. She would want you to live your life once this is all over.”

A new wave of tears overcame Marinette as Damian pulled her into another hug. She couldn’t help it, she just missed her so much.

“How about I tell you about Tim’s latest attempt to stay up on coffee? He thought that this quarantine was a good excuse but Alfred caught him in the act…”

Marinette just snuggled into Damian, intently listening to his story. She would forever miss her Nona, but things were getting better. She just had to stay positive and hope for the future.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know, I know. You read fanfiction to escape the horrible reality of our world. Well, I did it, I wrote about it. And I’m not sorry.

Addressing the issue more, I am very lucky to say that Mr. Rona has not taken any people from me like he has so many other people. However, I thought that it was something that I wanted to address nonetheless.

Today I consider was the first official day of quarantine. Since it was the day after we were told to stay home. 1 year ago on March 13th of 2020, my whole school got an email stating that we would be doing online school up until spring break. After spring break was over we were supposed to return. We never did. We still haven’t.

I base Marinette’s experience off of my own, minus the death part. I celebrated with my friends, hugging them claiming we were going to have sleepovers over the break and god was younger me so stupid. I’m so ashamed because I didn’t take it seriously and none of my classmates did. The teachers did, especially my history teacher but we didn’t. In fact I had one classmate who would put on a mask, gloves, and spray down his desk as a joke on how seriously our history teacher took it. I look back and wish I had done the same.

But here we are, 1 year later, still in quarantine. I’m so thankful that vaccines are getting out and that no one super close to me was effected, but it sucks that this has happened. So to all those reading this it’s not over yet. Please wear a mask, avoid crowded areas, when hosting gatherings make it small, if you can get the vaccine. Things are getting better but we can’t jinx it just yet.

Sorry this had to be so dark, but since it has been officially 1 year I couldn’t help but address it. Now on a lighter not I was actually able to get this out what I consider early. Since it’s not 2 hours before the day ends. I do hope you enjoyed reading and this will get better, we just need to do our part.

@maribatmarch-2k21

#maribatmarch2021 #maribat #maribat march #marinette dupain cheng #damian wayne #covid19 #death #im sorry #i had to address it #its officially been a year #i couldn't not say it

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janeyseymour · 3 years

Text

It’s Not What You Think

Katherine finds some papers in Jane's room that worry her. It turns out that what she finds isn't what she thought.

Hi loves! This idea has floated around in my head for a little bit, and I finally got around to writing it (Thank goodness for spring break!)

TW// ideas of suicidal thoughts (although not explicit, just alluding to them)

On that note, I do hope that you all have a lovely day!

WC: 4697

“Guys, look at what I just found in Mum’s room,” Katherine called out in a panic from the third queen’s bedroom. The other four queens quickly made their way into Jane’s room.

“Where is Janey anyway?” Anne asked. “Why are you snooping in her stuff? I know you aren’t trying to find blackmail on her.”

“No, no,” Katherine waved her hands frantically. “I was just trying to do her a favor. You know, she’s always cleaning the house up, so I thought I would do her a favor and clean up her room. Well, this one notebook was open, and I couldn’t help but glance at what was written on the page it was open to. I’m worried about her.” She gestured to the notebook wildly.

Anne, ever the nosy one, was the one to grab the book and began to read out loud.

Queens,

I think that my time on this earth for the second time is coming to an end. I don't know if I’m going to survive this, but if I don’t, I don’t want to leave you with the idea that my heart was not with you guys. It will always be with you all, no matter where I am. On each page after this one, I will address each one of you individually, but know that you six are my heart and my soul. I can only hope that if I do pass, I hope you keep the little legacy that I have alive. Know that you are all strong and powerful women, and I’ll be watching you from above. All my love goes out to you, and I am so grateful for the family we have become. I cannot wait to see you loves again.

All my love,

Janey

To Catherine-

“What the hell?” Anne snapped, her eyes meeting a teary eyed Catherine of Aragon.

“Surely this isn’t what we think it is. There has to be some sort of explanation to this.

There has to be,” the gold queen reasoned. “There’s no way this is what we think it is.”

“How do we even approach this?” Cleves questioned. “Even if Seymour was, you know,”

she trailed off slightly. “She wouldn’t just outright admit it to us.”

“There’s got to be another reason for this. We just have to ask her,” Cathy spoke clearly,

often the voice of reason in the house when Jane wasn’t around.

The blonde, blissfully unaware of the situation, had gone out alone to buy groceries.

When the others realized that this was one of the rare times that the silver queen hadn’t asked any of them to go with her, a tension in the room had built up.

“I’m just going to call her and see when she’s coming home.” Kat opened her contacts and scrolled to Jane- “Mum” it read. She pressed the call button and waited with baited breath, hoping the third queen would answer.

“Hi love!” Jane’s cheerful voice rang through once the line had connected. “Did you need me?”

“I was just wondering when you were coming home?” Kat tried to hide the shaking in her voice.

“Are you okay? Did something happen? Oh god, tell me Anne didn’t try to cook again. I’ll be home as soon as possible,” the third monarch’s voice rose in pitch as she began to ponder what could have prompted this phone call from her daughter.

“No, I just wanted to know when you were coming home. You’ve been out a while.”

“I’ll be home soon dear. I just have to hunt down a few more items on the list, and then I’ll be on my way back to make dinner.”

“Promise?” the fifth queen blurted out before she could stop herself.

“Do I promise that I’m coming home to make dinner?” Jane was confused. Why on Earth would she not come home?

“Mhmm.” It was hard to ignore the fact that Katherine had almost sounded like a child, uncertain of something.

“Of course I promise love. Are you sure you’re alright?” Jane’s tone became softer, and her pace in the grocery store quickened.

“I, uh, yeah. I just got worried. Like I said, you’ve been out a while. I’ve missed having you around the house today.”

“I’m sorry honey. I’ll be home soon, I promise you.”

“Okay,” Kat’s voice became a bit lighter at the confirmation that Jane would in fact be home that night. “I’m sorry for bothering you.”

“You aren’t bothering me love. I’ve missed you today too. I’ll be home soon, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too Mum.” Kat hung up and informed the others that Jane was, in fact, alright and would be returning back shortly.

“What the hell?” Jane muttered to herself after she hung up with the pink haired queen. Why on Earth had Kat been so concerned that she might not return home that night? She stopped in the middle of the aisle she was in to send a text to Catherine.

[To Lina: Kat just called me and sounded like something was rattling her. Think you could see if you could comfort her at all?]

“Jane just texted me regarding your phone call. She knows something is up,” Catalina sighed.

When the third queen walked through the door, she barely had time to put down the groceries in her hands before the fifth queen had tackled her in a hug.

“Mum,” Katherine sighed into the blonde’s cardigan.

“Hi love,” Jane wrapped her arms around the younger queen. “Not that I’m not loving the greeting I just got, but what’s going on? Are you alright dear?”

“I’m a lot better now that you’re home.” Kat made no moves to let go of the older woman.

“Well, I’m glad you’re happy I’m home. Do you think you could help me with the groceries? And then while I’m making dinner, you’re more than welcome to help out or keep me company.”

Katherine Howard hadn’t left Jane Seymour’s side since the older monarch had gotten home. The only time they had been apart since she had gotten home was the few moments where Jane excused herself to go to the bathroom. Throughout dinner, the others kept giving their motherly queen concerned glances that she was clearly picking up on, but no one would say why. What the hell had happened while she was gone for a few short hours to pick up groceries?

“Katherine dear, tell me what’s going on in that sweet head of yours,” Jane muted the television show that the two were watching and faced the younger woman.

“It’s just been a weird day for me, and I missed you. You comfort me in a way that the others can't. I just needed some Mum Janey warmth, you know?” the third queen nodded and settled back into her position.

After some time, it was apparent that the fifth queen was entranced with whatever program had been on- Jane hadn’t really been paying attention. Instead her attention was on the younger woman tucked into her side. How she wished she could read the pinked haired queen’s mind to ease whatever was making her Katherine so anxious. Shuffling over a little, she pulled her phone from her pocket.

[To Lina: Do you have a minute to chat?]

[From Lina: Yeah. Do you want to come up to my room or should I come down?]

[To Lina: I’ll come up.]

“Love? Lina just asked me for some help in her room. Will you be alright if I leave you here for a bit? I can always ask Anne to come sit with you if you’d like? Or Anna?” She knew those two also had a way of keeping the fifth queen from feeling overwhelmed (well, sometimes. Everyone knew that it really did depend on the situation- sometimes they were calming, and sometimes they were the ones making everyone feel overwhelmed with their chaos).

“I’ll be okay.” Kat’s eyes stayed glued to the television screen. Jane nodded and made her way up to the yellow room.

“Okay, I’m going to be upfront here because I’m genuinely worried about what’s wrong with my daughter,” Jane rushed out, wasting no time. She was determined to be back downstairs and on the couch with the youngest queen as quickly as possible.

“The question is Jane: Are you alright?” Catherine’s expression was different than it usually was. The face that was usually so stoic expressed genuine concern. The voice that never wavered no matter what- Jane could hear a slight quiver in her voice, brokenness and concern evident.

“Why would I not be?” Jane tried not to sound defensive.

The gold queen stood from her bed and closed the door quietly before embracing the blonde. “Listen, it’s okay to admit that you’re going through a hard time, but ending it won’t-”

“What on God’s green Earth are you talking about?” Jane pulled away from the hispanic just enough to look her in the eyes.

“Oh thank god,” Catherine breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank god for what?” Jane asked incredulously. Why was everyone walking on eggshells with her?

“Promise you won’t be mad.”

“Well, now I’m really concerned. What did you all do that would upset me?” When Catherine took hold of Jane’s hand and led her to the grey bedroom, it was clear to the blonde someone had been in her room.

“Kat was trying to be nice and help clean your room for you since you’re always doing so much around the house, and-”

Jane interrupted her friend, “-Why would I be mad about that? That’s so kind of her.”

“She found this.” Catalina took the notebook with her letters out. Jane looked at her confused, so the first queen continued. “We’re worried about you Jane.”

The third queen read over what she had written, but she was confused as to why it would be alarming to her friends. Sometimes, she could be a bit dense, but none of them thought she could be this oblivious.

“I don’t see why you’re concerned?”

“Jane, are you planning on... you know?” And then it clicked in the silver queen’s head. They thought these were...

“Oh!” Jane’s hand flew to her mouth in realization. “Oh heavens no. Oh my gosh no! I’m so content with my life! I would never dream of doing such a thing! This isn’t what you think.”

“Please tell me why you wrote these. Please,” Catherine pleaded. “And be honest. Please.”

“Do you remember those two weeks where I told you all I had to quarantine because I had Covid before everything shut down?”

“You didn’t have Covid, did you?”

Jane had woken up that morning feeling strange. A dull pain in her stomach was there, but she chose to ignore it. She had a family to take care of and a show to put on that night. As the day went on though, the pain never subsided. In fact, it only got worse. She pushed the pain down though. The best way to not throw herself into a panic attack over an aching stomach was to simply ignore it, or at least attempt to. It was best not to worry about something that would quickly go away, or so she had thought.

That night, the show went on. With every movement, the blonde had to conceal her winces and the movement that was required of her only made the pain worse. “Heart of Stone” was a mess in itself. The required breath control she needed was enough to make her tear up with every deep breath she took before allowing the melody to dance its way into others’ hearts. As she sang the song, she listened to the words she was singing. It was as if the lyrics were meaning something different to her tonight- she might have to go soon if this pain continued. Surely, she wouldn’t want to alarm the girls, but she knew she had to go to the hospital after the show.

To anyone watching this performance, Jane’s performance of her song alone was absolutely stellar. The tears flowed freely. What people thought was the blonde’s beautiful storytelling and emotion over her son was in fact the third queen’s pain that she had been attempting to conceal for the past however many hours finally coursing through her body. She was able to release it there under disguise. It took her a few seconds longer to regain herself once her song ended, not quite ready to endure the pain of the second half of the show.

Seymour was never the first off the stage. That night though, she was. It didn’t take long for the others to notice that something was amiss with their friend.

“Seymour?” Jane looked to the fourth queen. “You good?” She nodded.

“I’m alright. I’m not feeling too well at the moment, but I’ll be okay.” She replaced the pained look on her face that had betrayed her with a more neutral expression.

“You better not have Covid,” Anna joked. Jane considered what her successor had just said: that was her way out.

It was an early night for each of the queens. Show days were always early nights, especially when they had another show the next day. Once everyone had settled in for the night, Jane took a notebook out. The pain in her side was unbearable, reminding her of the way she had felt in the last moments of her last life. If she was going to die a second time, it would only make sense that she would die in a similar way to her first life: painful stomach infections. She would write out a message to each of her queens, letting them know just how much she loved each and every one of them- hoping to pass time and ensure that all the other women in the house were asleep before she would make a trip to the hospital.

Queens,

All my love,

Janey

To Catherine- Where do I even begin to start this? You are my absolute best friend. I cherish each and every moment we have made together, both in this life and our past. You are truly a wonderful, wonderful human being that I am so blessed to have gotten to know over the past years, and I can not wait to see where you go in this life (because you know for a fact I will be watching our family from above). Without you, I’m not sure I would’ve grown into the woman I became. You instilled so much love and heart into me- and without you I don’t think I ever would’ve broken out of my shell. I would’ve stayed the mild mannered yet somewhat bitter woman I was. I never would’ve had the chance to connect with Katherine. If my time on this earth truly has come to an end, please love that girl. Love all of the girls. Love yourself. Stay you Catalina. You have a heart of gold. I love you more than you’ll ever know.

To Anne- Oh Anne, you crazy, crazy woman who I have come to love like a sister. Thank you for bringing so much energy and sunshine into my life (along with the many messes that I’ve had to clean up, both literally and figuratively). You are such a ball of energy with a heart that is like no other. I cannot thank you enough for our time together. I know that we’ve had our differences, but dammit if we didn’t shove it in the universe’s face and come out of it on the other side as friends... no, sisters... Thank you for being the kind, caring, compassionate woman that you are. I cannot wait to see what else you have to do in this life. I’ll be watching. Please do your best to not get arrested when I’m gone though... I have a feeling that I’m the only one who would bail you out of jail at 3 in the morning because of public urination. I love you oh so much.

To Anna- Cleves. Cleves. Cleves. You truly are a one of a kind human being. Know that even though you have always been the complete opposite of me (tall, tough, a boss ass bitch- you know) I have always looked up to you and your ability to be one of the kindest people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. Stay you and keep on loving yourself and the girls. I hope you know how dearly I love you.

To Cathy- Oh Cathy Parr, where would I be without you? Certainly, I wouldn’t have been able to write all of these letters, although I do wish my showing off my writing skills would’ve been under better circumstances. Thank you for being the beautiful and kindhearted person that you are. Keep using your voice to empower everyone around you. All that you’ve done up to this point has made me so incredibly proud of you, and I know that when I’m watching you from above, you will only continue to do so. Gold star for you Cathy Parr. I love you oh so much.

And to my Kat- Katherine, I hope you know just how much I love you. You truly are the most earnest and loving young woman I’ve ever met, and I am so thankful for the time that we’ve had together. We met under the strangest circumstances, and if anybody had told me I would slowly adopt a nineteen year old when we first came back, I would have thought they were crazy. But my heavens, I wouldn't change what we have for the world. I know if you are reading this, I’ve passed, and I can only hope you know that I’m watching you from above. All you did on Earth up until the point of my leaving made me so incredibly proud- growing from the shy and quiet Katherine Howard into this... elegant and kind hearted, passionate and outspoken Katherine Seymour. It truly was magical to watch. Continue to make me proud, love. I know you will. I love you with my everything sweet one.

The blonde closed the notebook and laid it on her pillow before she carefully snuck down the steps as quickly as she could. Glancing at the clock, it was only about 11:30 at night. If her health was on her side, she would be back in time for the girls to not know she had been anywhere in the first place.

“So you didn’t have Covid?” Catherine interrupted Jane’s story. Jane only shook her head before continuing.

By the time she had gotten to the hospital, she could barely support herself. If she had made it through an entire 80 minute cardio routine, she could muster up the strength to walk into the hospital. How wrong she had been. About five steps into the walk, the blonde’s nearly legs gave out, the pain overtaking her body. Never one to give up though, she struggled her way into the emergency room, startling the woman at the desk.

“Stomach, killing me,” Jane breathed out. “Please help.”

“Appendicitis is a tricky one. You’re lucky you came in when you did. Another hour or so, and it would’ve burst,” a doctor informed the third queen after she had woken up from her appendectomy.

“How long until I can go back to my usual routine?” Jane asked in a bored manner. “I do have a show to be in.”

“Should be about two weeks.”

“When can I leave this place?” The silver queen felt bad for treating the doctor in a rude manner, but if she could avoid having the others fuss over her while she recovered by being back home before they could even be aware she was gone, she would.

“You should be able to leave relatively soon seeing that you’re already awake and seem to be reacting normally to the medicine. Just need someone to pick you up.”

“Bloody hell,” Jane muttered to herself. How was she going to get around this one?

Jane had gotten into the taxi that was supposedly going to take her home, but before the driver could pull away, she slipped him the money she would owe him and requested that he drive around the block before dropping her back off here.

“That’s an odd request.”

“Just can’t have the doctors knowing I’m going to drive myself home.”

“Ma’am, don’t you think you should follow doctors’ orders and not drive home if-”

“-I live literally two blocks away. I just need to get my car back home without raising any questions from my housemates.”

Jane had arrived home just as the others were getting up. Putting a mask on, she entered the house and tried to ignore the pain where her appendix had just been removed.

“Mum!” Katherine smiled. “Where were you?” She began to get up from her spot on the couch, but Jane stopped her quickly.

“I was feeling a little ill yesterday, so I made an appointment to get tested for Covid. I have it. I’ve got to quarantine for two weeks.”

“Oh my god,” Catherine breathed out. “Are you alright?”

“I’m alright. Just a bit short of breath, and my head hurts. I’m heading up to my room for the next two weeks. If you need me, feel free to call or text me. I’ll try to order groceries and things like that to be delivered here later in the week. Text me the things we need. Just stay away from my room. I’d rather none of you get sick.” The others wished her well and set out to call the managers of the show. Surely, they would have to cancel the next two weeks of performances.

The third queen truly felt guilty lying to her family, but for some reason she couldn’t bring herself to tell them the real reason she wouldn’t be able to be in the show for the next two weeks. In reality, the blonde had done them a favor: their managers would all end up with Covid the next week. The queens would stay Covid free.

“Jane Seymour are you bloody kidding me?” The younger monarch shook her head. “You had a near death experience, and instead of telling any of us about it, you wrote letters to us in case you died?”

Now that the silver queen was hearing what had transpired, she felt a bit silly.

“I’m sorry. I just-”

“We would’ve been there for you! You didn’t have to hide that from us! God, you really are unbelievable sometimes!” Although there was annoyance in her voice, Catherine hadn’t made any moves to release Jane from the hug she was holding her in.

“I just didn’t want to inconvenience you all.” Jane shrugged her shoulders. “Our show would’ve gotten canceled for the next however long we were closed after the mandatory shutdown happened anyway. And our managers ended up getting Covid, so really... Maybe I saved us from getting Covid?”

“Well, you might have, but for God’s sake Jane, why wouldn’t you tell any of us? You know we would’ve been more than happy to help out!”

“Well, yeah. I know that. I just,” the third queen paused to try to figure out how to articulate her feelings. “I’m supposed to be the mother of the household. It would feel weird to have had you guys helping me out as opposed to the other way around?”

“Honey, we helped you out anyway. We had to bring your food to your room, all that stuff,” Catherine countered.

“Yeah,” Jane drew out. “I didn’t want you guys to see me as weak though.”

“Weak?”

“Yeah. Like, I had succumbed to yet another stomach infection.”

“You couldn’t help that?” The first queen stared at her incredulously. Her best friend really could be dense sometimes- thinking they would find her weak for not being able to magically heal from something that had the potential to kill her.

“I mean, now that we’re talking about it, it feels kind of silly.”

“Yeah,” The first queen finally laxed her grip on the blonde. “Those notes were what had Katherine worried.”

“It makes sense now I suppose. I guess I should go talk to her,” Jane made a move to get up before a delicate hand held her wrist, stopping her from moving.

“The entire house knows. I think we need to have a family meeting.”

“Is that why everyone was looking at me so worriedly at dinner tonight?” Catalina nodded.

[From Jane, to the Queens group chat: Family meeting right now, mandatory. Meet in the living room please.]

The queens, sans for Katherine who was already there, made their way down to the living room a bit confused. Why was Jane calling this meeting? Wasn’t she the one they were concerned for? Maybe this was her cry for help.

“Hi loves,” Jane greeted warmly once everyone had gathered in the room. “So, I figured we should address what you guys found.”

“Mum I’m really sorry I was going through your-”

“It’s quite alright. Lina told me you were just trying to help me out.”

“Janey if you need help, please-”

“Anne, let her speak. I think you’ll all be interested to hear what she has to say,” Catherine quipped from next to the silver queen.

“Do you remember those two weeks where I told you all I had to quarantine because I had Covid before everything shut down?” The blonde started her story for the other queens the same way she did for Catalina. The others nodded, and Jane dove into her story.

“...And now that I’ve explained myself and Catherine and I have spoken, I know it sounds silly what I did, and I’m really sorry for worrying you all.” All of the queens, aside from the first who had already heard the ridiculous story, could only stare at Jane in disbelief.

Katherine was the first to break the silence. “Oh thank god,” she muttered, attaching herself to her maternal figure. “I thought I was going to lose you.” Jane strengthened the hug.

“Are you kidding me Seymour?” Cleves could only hum out.

“Jane, you know we’re all here for you- no matter what,” Cathy mused. “You’re always helping us when we’re sick, right? You don’t see it as a sign of weakness, do you?”

“Well, no. That would be si-” The blonde paused, mulling over what the sixth queen had asked her. “-You got me.” She pointed a finger towards the writer, a small smile appearing on her face. Cathy always knew how to ground the third queen.

“Please let us know the next time you aren’t feeling well, and please tell us the truth.”

“I will. I’m sorry for concerning you all.” Jane had the decency to appear bashful, but in truth, she was absolutely guilt ridden for making her family worry this much about her over something so stupid (in her mind).

“Don’t worry about it Janey. It’s not like tomorrow I won't be the one concerning you,” Anne smirked.

“Anne Boleyn!”

All was right in their world again, but that didn’t stop Katherine from gluing herself to the third queen’s side for the rest of the night.

#six the musical #six the musical fanfiction #six the musical fanfic #six jane seymour #jane seymour #jane seymour six

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talesofafangirlwithadvr · 3 years

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Jan/Feb 2021 Picks

HELLO! It’s been a while, but I’M BACK!! Life has gotten a lot busier as I started Grad School this January. So, I feel it may be tough being on time with future Monthly Wraps like I’ve done in the past with working on my MFA, and my job. I’m going to probably do more seasonal wrap ups when I get the time. I also think I’ll be posting more individual posts as I watch an episode. Because even with a busier schedule, there is always time for TV and there’s so much I want to talk about!

You know the drill. Spoilers are coming.....

You’ve been warned :)

WANDAVISION

I want to start off by mentioning that I have not watched this week’s episode yet. So the last one I saw was EPISODE 6 with Halloween in the late 90s/early 2000s.

THIS SHOW! OMG.

I didn’t know what I was signing up for when I watched the first episode and I have been blown away. It is such a cool concept and I love the fact that everyone who watches it is confused. There have been so many interesting theories out there and I am so curious what is going to wind up being true. I love all the nods to old sitcoms and TV shows as well as all the MCU Easter Eggs. (I mean they got X-men’s Quicksilver-like WOW.) It feels really Black Mirror at times with the breaking of the fourth wall. I will never be able to shake the feeling I got in Episode 3, when Vision reversed. (And then I saw a bunch of videos with him looking at the camera as Wanda looks at the TV. Eww I don’t like it, but it’s such a good move on their point.) I love the outside plot as well and the characters who were previously side characters in other MARVEL movies. The love for Jimmy Woo is astounding and I’m here for it. I’m glad it’s Friday, so I can watch the next episode. I’m just upset that we’re so close to the show ending. The next Disney Plus Marvel shows better be just as good. Wandavision set the bar high.

NANCY DREW

If you’ve visited this page recently, you know I have a very strong love for this show. It is the only one I am still watching religiously on the CW and I am tuning in the night it airs. (That is HUGE for me.) IT IS JUST SO GOOD AND I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START....

2x05 just aired, which would have been the season 1 finale before COVID and I have it saved on my DVR to watch again. There’s just so much I want to relive and catch that I missed the first watch through. It would have been SUCH A GOOD FINALE, but I’m happy that we can continue with new episodes starting next week. And with the way it ended...there’s so much I need to know!! I’m just curious how fast they’re going to develop certain plots. I love the Drew Crew and how they are a family. Each character is so well developed and their chemistry is great. I love learning more about each of them and watching them develop. My favorite character is definitely Ace. I love all his witty lines and how he is opening up more to the group as well as to us, the audience, as we get more of a look into his personal life. I enjoy all of his scenes with his dad and specifically liked when they were celebrating Shabbat. (I am also here for the Nancy and Ace content. I gush more about this on my other blog: lydia-whogowith-stiles. Check it out if you want to hear more.)

THE WATCH

When I watched the Christmas special (or was it New Years? and why does that feel so long ago) of Doctor Who, BBC America kept advertising a new show called the Watch. Due to the extensive amount of commercials, I decided to tape the first two episodes (which premiered back to back) to see what it was all about. I was unaware that this series is based on the book series created by Terry Pratchett. When I came to see if people were talking about it on Tumblr, I saw that a lot of people didn’t like it because of how drastically different it was. As I was unfamiliar with the original, I can’t compare. The TV show was eight episodes and I just watched the last one that aired this past Sunday. I definitely liked the first half of the season more (I noticed my mind start to drift as I watched later ones), but thought the finale was good. I really enjoyed how they incorporated the theme song. I didn’t realize the connection earlier and now can’t stop humming it. (I don’t know if there will be another season or not.) I enjoyed the characters and how it was like nothing I’ve seen on TV before. It got me thinking a lot about blending genres. I would still recommend checking it out.

ZOEY’S EXTRORDINARY PLAYLIST

I was VERY excited for this show to come back. I loved the first season so much. It’s just such a heartfelt show and it helped me survive the early parts of quarantine. So far, this season I am noticing how detailed the musical performances are. Mandy Moore is doing an AMAZING job. The choreography is *chefs kiss* I also feel like the song choices have been great and not always the ones I think that would be picked. We are getting to learn more about each character and watch Zoey and her family as they continue life after losing Mitch. I am here for Mo and Max’s restaurant. I think the concept would be so cool in real life. Who knows maybe we’ll see one now. (Max’s rendition of ‘Numb’ was amazing. I’ve never heard the song like that and I think it might be one of my favorites of the season so far.) I hope Max and Zoey get back together by the end of the season. It did feel fast, so I do understand why they had to break up, but it still makes me sad that we watched them get together and then it was taken away from us. The last episode before the break was so powerful and I think the show did an amazing job applying real world issues into their plot. It did not feel forced at all and brought so much awareness. Upset we have to wait so long for a new episode.

SECRETS OF SULPHUR SPRINGS

Are you looking for a good mystery, but don’t think Disney Channel can provide it? Think again. I have to say, when I started watching I was not expecting this show to be a part of my monthly picks. It pleasantly surprised me. The show involves the mystery of a young girl, Savannah, who went mysteriously missing at camp back in the 90s. Apparently, her ghost still haunts the hotel that was on the camp grounds to this day. Then Griffin and his family buy the hotel with intent of fixing it up and reopening it after all these years. The people in the town think they’re crazy because of its past. But there’s something more going on with Griffin’s dad as well as some of the other adults in the town. They know something about Savannah’s disappearance, but aren’t saying anything about it. While this is a kid’s show (and only half hour episodes) it has been interesting to see where the story will go. I’m sure I am imagining much more intense things for her disappearance than what actually happened. It’s also not super cheesy or have bad acting, which is refreshing. (I really feel Disney Channel has gone down.) Either way, I don’t know how many episodes are left to air, but I think we’re pretty close to the end. If you’re looking for a quick, entertaining mystery I would highly recommend.

MISS SCARLET AND THE DUKE

And here come my period pieces (ironically both from Masterpiece/PBS this time). I know last year I felt like I watched a lot of historical watches at the beginning of the year. We’ll see if that continues to happen this year too. It does serve as a nice escape. Plus, these are some really good stories.

Miss Scarlet and the Duke is a part of Masterpiece Mystery on PBS, although it aired on a different network in the UK. It is (another) mystery series (shocking I know with that title!) It follows Eliza Scarlet who has a nose for mystery, but as a woman living in the Victorian era does not have any rights except for being a wife and mother (two things she would rather not be). When her father dies (apparently from a heart attack...emphasis on apparently), she takes over his Private Investigator business. Much to the dismay of long time family friend William “The Duke” who is a Detective Inspector for Scotland Yard. Eliza is often in his office as she gets arrested for being places she shouldn’t or trying to get information out of him. This element of Eliza having to work in a very male dominated Victorian society is one that I feel I haven’t really seen on a TV show. I really like her dynamic with William. There’s always that feeling of “will they won’t they,” but I don’t feel the show just focuses on that. The mystery is the heart of it all. This last week’s episode was REALLY GOOD. As we got to find out more regarding her father’s death. I hear a lot of people want a season 2 and I am right there with them. This show deserves it.

ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL

Another PBS Masterpiece watch. I love this show, so much more than I was anticipating. It is so heartfelt and makes me so happy and in a good mood after watching it. It follows James Herriot who has recently graduated from veterinary school, but is struggling finding a job. Then he gets a call from Siegfried Farnon’s veterinary practice in Yorkshire. Siegfried is known for having a harsh demeanor and temper, so the assistants he hires don’t often last long. Spoiler alert, that should be pretty obvious, James does. The cast of characters are so lovely and I like all their relationships with one another. The show takes places in the 1930s and I realized I don’t often watch things in this era, so that has been fun to explore. The sets and locations are BEAUTIFUL. In the episodes, we often get these amazing shots that sweep over the exterior and I want to travel to Yorkshire like tomorrow. (See more escapism, it’s great.) The main plot follows everyone interact in the town and watching James become a more confident and experienced veterinarian (which I decided I could never do after watching). I heard that it has been renewed for a second season so that is so fantastic.

FATE: THE WINX SAGA

The first things I heard about this show was how disappointed everyone was in how they decided to adapt the Winx Club show from their childhood. On this I can agree, but I decided to watch the show anyway. I pretended that it was something new entirely and I have to say I enjoyed it. Of course, there were parts that bothered me and then I had to remember it was a teen show, so angst would be annoying. I think overall it was too short (and should have at least 8 or 10 episodes), but I’m happy that they were able to conclude the main plot well. (Although we did get that cliffhanger, but it is exciting that it was released the show just got renewed for a second season the other day.) I really liked Silva-mainly because it was great seeing Thomas from Downton Abbey in something else. I also enjoyed seeing Jacob Duchman in more things. It was a surprise to see him in Medici and I am just happy he is adding more to his IMDB.

Quick and addicting watch. Add it to your queue. Just forget it’s supposed to be based on something else.

BLOWN AWAY SEASON 2

Continuing with the Netflix picks, one of my FAVORITE picks from 2020 got a season 2 and it is already on Netflix! That’s right Blown Away season 2 is now available. I seriously loved the first season of this show SO MUCH! Glass blowing is such a magical process and I am mesmerized every time I watch it. It felt weird starting this show with all new contestants, but then Alex came back as a guest judge and I was so happy. It is just as addicting and I cannot wait to see who wins this season. I am just trying not to rush the episodes.

VIOLETTA SEASON 3 UPDATE

I know you were all dying to know...

After taking a hiatus from watching during the holidays, I have gotten back into watching the Disney Channel telenovela on Disney Plus. I am now on episode 68. Things are really starting to happen and I am finding myself getting sucked in again, which makes me happy. Episode 60 (pictured above) had A LOT happen and really was a turning point for the second half of the show. Can’t wait to keep watching. Some really awesome songs from these last set of episodes.

AND NOW FOR MY NOT LOVING IT PICK:

LEGACIES

This third season has really disappointed me so far. As I’ve previously discussed on this page, it feels like they are just reusing previous plots from the last two seasons when there is so much more they can do. There was so much promise for this show and I loved the Vampire Diaries and Originals so much, that it’s sad to see Legacies miss the mark. I wish they gave Hope more storylines that didn’t revolve around Landon. She is such a strong character and is SO POWERFUL. This is something we rarely see and it shouldn’t only be shown to save a guy (multiple times). Their couple plot is continually doing the same thing. I want to see a lot more development with this show over this season to keep me watching. I am actually happy that there isn’t a new episode until March 11th. (That’s saying something...)

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anogete · 3 years

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Watch me vomit up my thoughts

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’m sorry I’ve disappeared on everyone. It’s been... a year. I think that probably goes for everyone, not just me. If you’re interested in a personal life update, then read on. If you’re looking for an update on my writing then I regret to inform you that I haven’t written a single thing this year. Maybe next year, though. There is always next year, right? I think I saw a blurb that we’re getting Sam and Bucky back in March. And Loki shortly after. Maybe that will be my inspiration.

I’m fortunate enough to have a job that lets me comfortably work from home. I’m also fortunate enough to own a home. And my last blessing is that I don’t have kids, so I didn’t have to figure out the nightmare of childcare and home schooling like some of you. My library on the second floor of the house has been my office since mid-March. I’ve been transitioning into the Associate Financial Advisor roll this year and that has been going well. I’m supporting the clients I’ve worked with as an assistant for the past nine years, so it’s been easy-going. I’m able to order my groceries for pick up to avoid going in the stores and I live in an neighborhood where it is easy to get delivery from restaurants. I’m incredibly lucky to have all these things going for me and I am thankful every damn day.

I fell into a bit of a funk this spring and early summer, but managed to pull myself out of it in August. I started planning my meals, walking 2-5 miles every day, and exercising on the Peloton bike I bought a year ago. I also started reading again and zipped through almost 50 books between June and now. By November, I was feeling strong and healthy. I felt like I had found a balance between work and activity and self-care. I was still coming to terms with my grandma passing in March of last year and with Ferguson (my sweet doggo) passing in September of last year. But I was trying and things were getting better. I felt like I had my feet underneath me.

Lemme stop you here if you don’t want to read about death and some general medical stuff. Because that’s mostly what you’re getting from here on out.

On November 21st, my mom texted me at 5:30am. I got it right away because I usually wake up around that time, alarm or not. She said she had dropped my dad off at the hospital because he was having difficulty breathing. Apparently, he’d been feeling bad for a week, but insisted to everyone that it was just his sinuses draining. I called her and began questioning her like I was cross-examining a star witness. I was able to piece together a really fucking shitty story.

My dad always went to a friend’s house on Friday evenings to have a couple beers and hang out. We’d all warned him since March that he needed to stop, but he insisted it was fine. He bought into a lot of the cavalier attitude that the Trump fans have over this virus. Plus, he was 64-years-old and didn’t take any medication so he probably thought it was no big deal. He spent a few hours at his friend’s house on November 6th. Unbeknownst to anyone at the time, he received a call from that friend on November 11th that the friend and the friend’s wife had tested positive for COVID. He didn’t share this info with my mother, my brothers, or my uncle, all of whom had been near him. By November 15th, he was coughing but insisted it was drainage when my mom suggested he take something for it and go to the doctor. By November 18th, he was worse and admitted to my mom that his friend had tested positive but that he hadn’t seen him for almost two weeks so his problems were just sinus-related and not COVID. My mom hates confrontation, so she accepted this and didn’t tell anyone, including me and my brothers. By November 19th, he had a fever and was having trouble breathing along with a persistent cough. He finally agreed to take some cold medicine, but refused to call his doctor’s office despite my mom asking him many, many times. At 4:30am on November 21st, he woke my mom and asked her to take him to the hospital because he couldn’t breathe well. She dropped him off and returned home to text me since they wouldn’t allow her in the building. She also texted my brothers, who admitted that they felt like they’d had a cold for several days. I live 4 hours away and haven’t traveled since March, so I hadn’t seen any of them.

A nurse called my mom a couple hours after she dropped my dad off to tell her that he was positive for COVID and pneumonia and they were admitting him to put him on a bipap. From what I understand, that’s the oxygen mask that pushes air into your lungs. Later that day, the health department called my mom and told her to quarantine for two weeks. My mom cooperated and gave them my brothers’ phone number (they live together), my uncle’s phone number, and the name and number of the person we suspected my dad was infected by (his friend). My brothers opted to get tested and were positive. They quarantined for two weeks and had mild to moderate symptoms (brief fever, very tired, cough, drainage). My mom had virtually no symptoms with the exception of some drainage that she took Mucinex for. She didn’t get tested, but she lived and slept in the same bed with my dad for a week while he was symptomatic. If my brothers got it from 30 minutes in the same room as him, surely she got it as well. My uncle and his son got tested, but they were negative.

My dad was cooperative with the doctor and nurses at first, but as the first day wore on he became irritated. He’d been without his chewing tobacco (yes, I know: eww) for several hours and was going through nicotine withdrawal, but wouldn’t admit that to the nurses or doctor. The next day he was put in ICU, still on the bipap, and even more unruly and rude to the staff taking care of him. They called my mom to ask her to talk to him and convince him to cooperate. They said if he couldn’t recover on the bipap and required a ventilator then “things would be very bad.” My mom tried to talk to him by text and he just continued to insist that he was well enough to come home.

I used to be close to my dad when I was a kid, but we’d grown apart over my adulthood. Over the past 20 years, my dad morphed into someone different. Everyone around him, especially my grandmother, told me they saw this happen the same as I did. The result was that my dad became someone I didn’t like and didn’t want to spend time with. He also didn’t seem to know how to talk to me anymore. To be fair, I didn’t give him much help in that regard. I texted him to see how he was doing and the conversation quickly devolved into him complaining about the care and insisting he was well enough to come home. I tried to reason with him and appeal to his love for my mom by saying that my fear was him coming home and giving her the virus. He told me that he’d decided he was no longer contagious and this was just a bunch of bullshit. This conversation via text continued through Monday and Tuesday (November 23rd and 24th), but it took a turn for the delusional. The doctor can only assume that the virus and the lack of oxygen had resulted in hallucinations and delusions. My dad told my mother and I that he was in an office building owned by a man named Mr. Pritt. He said he was the only patient and that this man was having his workers experiment on him and that they would eventually kill him. He demanded that we come get him immediately so he could recover at home. When we told him he’d die if he came home because he was too sick, he insisted he wasn’t sick at all and became very angry with us. He accused both my mom and I of conspiring to kill him because we wouldn’t help him. One day he told me that I’d confirmed what he’d known all along. I asked him what that was and he said, “That I always loved you more than you loved me.” This really hurt because even though I knew he was loopy, I also knew that he’d probably actually had that though before.

He began refusing treatment on those days and wouldn’t accept the steroids they were trying to give him and raised hell when they tried to take him for a chest x-ray. He also told them he didn’t want to be placed on a ventilator even though he had agreed to one when he was admitted. He was texting all of his friends and telling them he needed a ride home. He attempted to get up and leave the hospital twice, falling in the floor both times because he was so weak from lack of oxygen once he took the mask off. He also told my mom and I that he was secretly removing the mask when the nurses couldn’t see to prove to them that he wasn’t sick. He was taking and sending blurry pictures to us of the room as “evidence.” He told my mom to forward the pictures to “the feds.” The pictures were of his hospital bed, the whiteboard with his nurses’ and doctor’s names on it, his IVs, etc. By the morning of Wednesday, the 25th, I was getting some off-the-wall texts from him. He was begging us to come check him out of the hospital at that point and we were trying to play along and tell him we were getting everything in order for him to come home soon. Eventually, he told me that he wasn’t getting out of there alive and that he loved me. I told him I loved him too and begged him to do whatever the doctor said because the doctor wanted to help him get better.

A few minutes later, the nurse called my mom and asked if she’d been on the phone with my dad. My mom said she and I hadn’t spoken to him by any way other than text since he arrived at the hospital. The nurse said he had been on the phone with a woman, trying to convince her to come get him. The nurse made him put the call on speaker so she could tell the woman that he wasn’t well enough to leave. Because she was concerned that her message didn’t get through before my dad hung up, she called my mom to make sure he hadn’t convinced my mom to check him out against medical advice. My mom assured her that we had no intention of breaking him out of the hospital, but she didn’t know who the woman was. It wasn’t her or me. We called a long-time former co-worker of my dad’s that I’ve known since I was a kid and she said she hadn’t talked to him. We called his best friend and asked if he’d called and spoken to the man’s wife. Not her either. More on this later. I’m sure you know where it’s going.

We were stumped, but didn’t have time to deal with it because the nurse practitioner called and told my mom that my dad was delusional and could no longer make his own decisions. They said he had no chance of survival if they didn’t put him on a ventilator immediately. My mom called me. I told her to agree to it. The nurse called her back and gave the phone to my dad. He had agreed to the ventilator as well and wanted to tell my mom that he loved her and me and my brothers and his dog. His speech was slurred and muffled from the bipap mask, but she at least heard that. They intubated him right after the call. He was on a paralytic for a week. When they backed off on the paralytic, they had to increase his oxygen. A week later, the nurse tried to kindly tell us that he wasn’t getting better and his chances of survival were low. She suggested we start to talk about turning off the ventilator and letting him go. We did talk about that, which was very upsetting for everyone, but the doctor said he’d been on the ventilator for two weeks and we’d give him one more week to see what happens. By this point, he no longer had pneumonia. But the damage COVID did to his lungs couldn’t be repaired.

The ventilator was on full blast (highest pressure, highest oxygen) just to keep him somewhat stable. The days were ticking by and he still wasn’t making progress. Any step forward was followed by a bigger step back. My mom would call and get the update from the nurse most days, but I did call myself a few days. When I’d call and talk to the nurse, I’d get a grim picture that my mom didn’t seem to get or understand. I talked to her on December 12th and asked her if she was trying to protect my brothers and I or if she really thought he was going to get better. She admitted that she’d had a feeling for days that he wasn’t going to get better. We decided to just wait for the doctor to call. The nurse called my mom on Monday, December 14th and told her that my dad’s blood pressure was all over the place and they were struggling to keep him stable, that the ventilator was turned up to the highest settings and it was barely enough to keep him going. My mom texted me and told me she asked them to call me. The doctor called me within about 20 minutes and basically told me that my dad wasn’t going to make it. They’d had him on a ventilator for 19 days and within a couple days his throat tissue would likely become necrotic from the pressure of the cuff keeping the tube in place. They could only continue the ventilator if they could put in a trach and he wasn’t stable enough for that. In addition, he needed more support than the ventilator could provide. I was told he was either going to go into cardiac arrest while on the ventilator and die or they’d be forced to take him off the ventilator because of the damage to his throat. The most damning thing he told me was that he’d removed the sedation but my dad didn’t wake. He wasn’t responsive, wouldn’t squeeze their hands, wouldn’t flinch when they tested his reflexes, nothing.

I was told we could come sit with him and say goodbye when the ventilator was removed. I asked when and the doctor said soon. I live 4 hours from my parents, so I told him I’d leave right away and have my mom call to make arrangements for me to come to the hospital. I called my mom and told her all this and asked her to let the hospital know. I packed a bag and rushed out the door. On my way out of town, the doctor called me back and asked if I was on my way. My mom had told them that we’d come by the next morning and he was worried my dad wouldn’t make it through the night. So, I had to have a shitty conversation with my mom about how we couldn’t schedule my dad’s death for 7am on Tuesday, that it needed to happen at 8pm on Monday. I do not recommend these types of calls.

I got into town around 7pm and picked my mom up because she’d decided she wanted to come with me. My brothers said they couldn’t handle it and decided to stay at my mom’s house. My mom and I were taken to the COVID floor, given gowns, and gloves, told he was COVID positive so we’d need to continue to wear our cloth masks (no medical mask, is that safe?!), and escorted to his room in the ICU. Guys, he looked so fucking tired and so sad. It was heartbreaking. The nurse said their ICU was full and most of the patients were in the same shape as my dad. We talked to him for a few minutes, held his hand and all that shit. He didn’t respond in any way, so I don’t know if he was even there. We stepped out of the room while they removed the tube and gave him some medicine. When we went back in, his breaths were labored and it looked like he was gasping for air. My mom almost lost it because she wasn’t expecting that. I told her she could go wait in the hall and I’d stay with him until he passed. The nurse was kind enough to give him a little more medicine to make it less dramatic, but it was still difficult watching him breathe in that way. My mom sat so she couldn’t see his head to make things easier on herself. We sat there with him for about 40 minutes before he passed away at 8:32pm on Monday, the 14th.

I stayed with my mom last week and helped her arrange a private graveside service and the burial. She wanted to do a funeral and I thought that was the worst idea, so we agreed on doing a celebration of life next year when things are a little better (hopefully). To my knowledge, I haven’t had the virus. I operated under the assumption that my mom and brothers had it and were immune for now and wouldn’t transmit it. So, I was able to be with them without mask, but I did wear a mask when anyone else was around. I can’t say the same for the fucking funeral director and the locksmith’s employee who opened my dad’s safe for us, though. I live in a bigger city and mask wearing is pretty wide-spread here, but I saw so many people in my hometown (a more rural area) who didn’t bother with them.

Anyway, while all these graveside preparations are going on my mom goes through the bag of personal items from my dad that the hospital gave us. She tossed his clothes in the washer and placed his two rings into a bag to give to the funeral home so he could be buried in them. She also pulled out his wallet and his cell phone. His wallet has a picture that was obviously cut from an old driver’s license of a woman named Deb. Apparently, this woman lives in Florida and had attended junior high school with my dad. About two years ago, my parents took a trip to Florida and visited with her for several days. She even friended my mom on Facebook. So, the old driver’s license picture of her was very weird. What was even more disturbing? His wallet also contained a plastic bag of hair that very obviously is not my mom’s. And there was a piece of paper with three phone numbers on it. His phone was locked with a PIN and was set to wipe itself after 20 incorrect tries. I did tried to break into it, but wasn’t successful. My mom admitted that she suspected he’d been talking to someone on his phone for years, but she never directly confronted him about it. She’d just make comments about him always texting on his phone and being secretive. Two Christmases ago he bought her a ring at a store that she has an online login to. This particular store posts the receipts for all purchases linked to the customer’s account to the website. She saw that my dad had purchased two pieces of jewelry even though she only received one. My dad has never in his life bought me a Christmas present without my mom assisting, so she knew it wasn’t for me. She still didn’t confront him, though. She just told him that she could see the itemized receipts online.

I sympathized with my mom because I’ve experienced the infidelity of a partner in a relationship and if I were her then I’d want to know. But I also told her that I don’t know digging into it will make things any better and may not even give her the truth. He’s gone and there is nothing that can be done about that or anything else. While I was running errands for her the day before the graveside service, she messaged Deb in Florida and asked if she wanted her picture back. She also called the three phone numbers in his wallet. One went to Deb. The other two were the cell phone and work phone of my dad’s best friend’s wife, Anne. The same friend and wife who likely gave the virus to my dad. My mom told me when I got back that she’d done this and admitted she’d always felt like my dad was talking to Anne and might have an inappropriate relationship with her. I suspect my mom is right. Gut instinct is usually accurate. She said she didn’t think anything physical was going on with Deb, but she did think my dad was carrying on a flirtatious relationship with her via text. In both cases, he tried to hide it. And if you hide it, then you know it’s wrong. That night Deb messaged my mom back and said she had heard about what happened to my dad and was very sorry. She said that my dad was always clear that he was married and nothing went on that was inappropriate, but that he gave her someone to talk to when her husband was sick and dying five years earlier and they’d always kept in contact. Again, I don’t think my mom can count on anyone to give her the full story without spin or deceit. A couple days ago, she texted me a picture of a receipt from my dad’s truck. It was from last Christmas from a department store. It had two pieces of jewelry on it. She looked them both up using the UPCs listed and found the necklace he gave her last year and a ring she doesn’t recognize. We don’t know if he was giving this jewelry to Deb in Florida or Anne, his friend’s wife. Or someone else we don’t even know about. And we’re probably never going to know. Do I want to call Deb and Anne and tell them I want to full story? Fuck yeah. Do I think it will fix anything? Fuck no.

TL;DR? I finally found some balance in my life late this summer. This balance was destroyed when my dad got COVID and died after three weeks in the hospital. And when you’ve already got a not-so-great relationship with your dad, you get all kinds of feels when he dies in a traumatic way and then you find out he’s been screwing around on your mom. I also have lots of anger toward him for knowingly exposing my other family members to the virus simply because he didn’t want to own up to getting it after doing something we’d all told him to stop doing.

Health-wise? I think I’m okay. It’s been almost ten days since I was with him in the hospital and seven days since his graveside service. I haven’t had any symptoms yet and I think most people show symptoms by now. Regardless, I’ve been at home since I returned last Thursday evening and I intend to stay home until January 2nd. My boyfriend is also home and will be here until January 2nd as well. Just to be safe. My brothers are mostly recovered, but both still have a bit of a cough. My mom never had much in the way of symptoms and seems fine. My dad was 64 and overweight. We found out once he was admitted to the hospital that his regular doctor had told him he was a diabetic and my dad insisted on “treating” that with cinnamon instead of actual medicine. Other than those things, he didn’t have any health concerns. Be careful, ya’ll.

#Anogete in real life #personal #covid_19 #fuck covid #family #death

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Top 20 Animated Episodes of 2020 Part 1 (#20-#11)

Hello Hello Hello animation fans! And welcome to something i’ve wanted to since last year. See I had the idea for a best episodes list back in 2019: rather than do a best shows list, which would be only about half of 20+ shows anyway, I thought i’d do a best episode lists: to give as many shows a possiblitiy to shine as possible while still honoring the best of the year. But my own natural foibles got the better of me: I INSISSITED on watching everything I missed.. then just kept putting THAT off until it was was spring, shows were coming back and I just threw up my hands. I’ve regretted it ever since and vowed, especially since in the interim animation went from just being something I analyized for fun to my analyzing it for fun AND profit, to get it done this year. So I had to make a few caveats. First I gave myself at first till the 31st of the year and then due to covid and everything that happened, until the end of the first week or so of the year, i.e. today, to watch as much as I could. So several shows are missing. Some I REALLY got behind on and don’t have an excuse for (Craig of the Creek and Big City Greens), others I also really liked but my depression made it really hard to watch (F is for Family and very nearly Bojack), some I just kept putting off ever starting or forgot to start entirely (Hilda, yes even since season 1, Kipo: Age of the Wonderbeasts and It’s Pony) and some.. I gave up because as you can tell I sit on shows way too often (Ilve action wise I still need to get back to Doom Patrol), and I realized i’d rather watch stuff old and new I care about than waste time with something that I just stopped liking, i.e. Rick and Morty and Big Mouth which i’m guaranteed some flack for saying but I dont’ care. I have my reasons, and while I originally GAVE those reasons I decided to leave them out: this list is not about me bitching about why I quit certain shows. I’m a grown ass man, I can quit a show anytime, and given last year was such a craphole, I think we could use less piss and vinegar and more sugar. So before we begin, a bit about the state of animation last year: It was in flux. WIth a new decade dawning we got great new shows like Owl House, Close Enough, which in a year full of terrible suprises not only FINALLY got released but did so with a second season order, Solar Opposities, the Midnight Gospel and Kipo: Age of Wonderbeasts. Ducktales returned for it’s best season ever. Amphibia returned for a pretty good season. Disney brought back the wonderful mickey mouse shorts towards the end of the year, FINALLY given D+ some non-movie animated content. The Casagrandes got better as it went and just barely didn’t make this list and the Loud House kept on trucking and shows no signs of stopping with a season renewal and a movie coming out. And Adventure Time staged a comeback a few years after it died and while I haven’t seen BMO yet, Obsidian was fantastic and only barely didn’t make the list.

Not only that but we got great new series announced for the next two years: Lumberjanes is FINALLY getting adapted and by Noelle Stevenson herself. Gendy Tarkovsky is not only returning to children’s animation but with a wonderously weird concept about immortal unicorns turned into teens> There’s a promising show about a ghost and a plucky tween coming this summer. The Rise of the TMNT movie is still happening. Craig McCracken is also coming back. But naturally given this was 2020 the news wasn’t all good as we said goodbye to a lot of shows.. and this was after 2019 already took several from us, OK KO still being the hardest loss to this day and Star Vs very disapointing finale still leaving a bad taste in my mouth: Most gutpunchingly, the two frontrunners of animation at the time, shows that truly changed the game and probably gave other shows a chance at life they never would’ve had, including some on this list, ended.

Steven Universe took it’s final bow after we got one last trip to beach city with the Future miniseries, with the show ending gracefully and beautifully, and having pulled off it’s third succesive possible ending for the franchise and it’s defntive ending for steven’s story. Bojack did the same not long before, ending on a bittersweet but beautiful note and with a one two punch of the series best episode and i’ts second best episode, a satsifying but bittersweet finale we’ll get to. Both shows as I said have set hte standards and tones for most animation after them, and both’s absence is felt. She Ra suprisingly ended, though with a beautiful and wonderful finale we’ll, again, get to, and on i’ts own terms, but given it was the most likely to take up the shield from steven, it was another punch. Less peacefully was the ending of Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a show I caught up on after it’s demise which was screwed by the network over toy sales because that’s.. still.. a thing.

There is a light of hope, as the movie is somehow still in production and if it does well we may get season 3, but it’s dim and given the show, despite it’s flaws, had found itself and the finale, which they were given weeks to put together, was spectacular and, say it with me now “we’ll get to that”, I really hope it does. And that nick learns how to run an animation company for fuck’s sake.

Infnity Train while not dead, is on life support despite having it’s best season in season 2 and an okay season that still tackeled racisim very well even if story wise the season faltered, at a time when we REALLY need to tackle racisim in our entertaiment period. Venture Bros meanwihle was just flat out canceled for no given reason despite both having as eason renewal order and you know, being Adult Swim’s highest rated and best show for over a decade. Like Infinity Train and Rise there’s a SCRAP of hope, both adult swim and hbo max are apparently looking into ways to bring it back so a finale movie or a season 6 comic are propable, but given the show ended on two big cliffhangers, and given 2020 already had pushed back a LOT of things I’d looked forward to for good reason, and had now just outright killed a show, it was a massive shattering blow and easily the biggest of the year. But coming VERY close was finding out Ducktales was ending. While the finale would serve as a proper finale, I feel the show easily could’ve had more seasons.. Disney just dosen’t let shows go on forever, or sometimes not even for a reasonable amount.. or put those shows it didn’t let go on a resonable amount on Disney Plus.. and I will be bringing that last part up until Wonder Over Yonder is FINALLY put on the platform, along with MANy other shows. Figure it out. But yeah that was ANOTHER show I thought would lead the way and like Gravity Falls lead to Ducktales, Ducktales will probably lead to more shows including HOPEFULLY a frank and matt lead Darkwing Duck.. and even that’s in jeapordy since instead it might be done by Seth Rogan’s company who while not bad people and if their working on Frakn’s reboot great.. are not the people who spent three seasons setitng up a reboot in a unvierse they already spent three seasons deftly crafting. I DOUBT Frank won’t be involved since Let’s Get Dangerous was promoted to hell and back, but again given this is disney.. it worries me and I won’t be settled on this till we get conformation of a proper reboot with frank and matt at the helm.

Point is it was a rough year for animatoin even without covid taken into account pushing back seasons and forcing a change in work habits. But as this list attests even in the worst year in recenet memory, here’s hoping 2021 dosen’t say hold my beer, there was some damn fine animation, including some of the best i’ve ever seen and the shows that did leave or are getting ready to gave us one hell of a show. Before we get started one last bit of buisness for transparency: As I said i missed some shows and others I did watch but given despite this list’s sheer size it was still VERY tight, for the record each show got four nominees a piece, and some had even more episodes considered before widdling it down, and even at the 40 episode mark there were some tough cuts and by the end it was brutal. So here’s the show’s considered.

Shows Watched: Steven Universe Future, Infinity Train, Close Enough, She Ra, Ducktales, Amphibia, The Loud House, The Casagrandes, Rise of the TMNT, Animaniacs, Wonderful World of Mickey Mouse, Adventure Time: Distant Lands, Solar Opposites, Bojack Horseman, The Owl House, The Midnight Gospel Shows That Did Not Make the Final List: The Loud House, The Casagrandes, Animaniacs, The Wonderful World of Mickey Mouse, Adventure Time: Distant Lands, and Solar Opposites. Final note: all episode’s i’ve done reviews of at the time of this list will have links in the title to said reviews in case your curious So with that in mind , here’s my top 20 list, part 1.. becasue these posts are going to be long as hell so I needed to split up gang. On with the show after the cut as this is a really damn long one

20. Fragments (Steven Universe Future) “I bow to your strength.. my Diamond” Steven Unvierse’s final act was a masterstroke. The show ended with every major conflict resolved as the Diamonds decided , if only for Steven’s sake at first, to change their ways and helped him restore the corrupted gems, while Lars made it home. Our heroes were FINALLY, after seasons and almost two in-story years, as Steven “Finally Done, Finally Us, Finally Me”, the last part being especially pogniant since, while done thanks to a horrifying action on whites part, his breif seperation PROVED there was nothing of rose left; She’s gone. So Future uses this cleverly: With the conlfict of the movie resolved things were still very nice.. but eventually Steven started breaking down piece by piece: As the series went on it became clear what it was: A deconstuction of some of the less healthy part of the mostly fairly healthy and wonderful main show. It showed just what happen when someone whose put his identity into having some kind of destiny, someone whose felt their purpose in life is to make other people’s better and solve their problems and be a good person.. has no issues to solve. Oh sure there’s an antagonist here and there and Jasper refuses to change or admit no third great gem war is coming and that peace really has come.. but his family are finally happy with who they are, and are moving on with their lives. As someone whose had people move on without them and whose clunt to people this hits close to home.. hits close to home a lot.

So as the season went on Steven clung to everything, taking it VERY badly when Lars and Sadie not only revealed their attempt at a relationship failed after years of build up, and never told steven because they thought it wasn’t his buisness, which is true to a point as them breaking up isn’t anything to do with him but someone should’ve told him it was amicable given the amount of shit he’s seen between you two, just saying. But it still meant a good chunk of his friends leaving town, and him, behind. Attempts to fillt his gap with tv watching or gardneing, aka what the crew amazingly dubbed “Depression Hobbies:”, a term that hits close to home, failed and then a far WORSE attempt to fill the void in his life by proposing to connie failed.. she turned him down firmly, but gently recognizing this was a terrible idea, they were too young, and he was clearly going through some stuff. As garnet put it “Your partner is your compliment, not your missing piece”. Another beautiful term to stick in my brain.

So as if this wasn’t bad enough his body started mutatating and it turned out the pink form he’d gained was actually supposed to just be his body’s version of adrenline, but since he’d spent years in constnat struggle, his body was treating his emotinal stress like do or die situations with predictable results. We’ll get to that more in a bit but needless to say steven’s family were concerned and Greg returned from managing Sadie to TRY and help his son.. only to drive a wedge between them as Greg’s Smothering Parents seemed like the life Steven never had, instead of obnoxious people who refused to reconcile with their son even decades later despite plenty of effort on greg’s end and Greg having to raise a child alone with only marginal support from the gems at best at first. But Greg’s tragic inablity to see his son was hurting, as with everyone elses lead to him nearly getting them hurt in a car accident and thus this episode. After getting chewed out by the gems, who tragically simply don’t realize what’s wrong with steven, can’t figure out why themselves and he refuses to tell them, Steven runs off, to the one person who would never tell the gems where he is and the last place they’d expect him to go at his lowest: Jasper. And thus we get one of the darkest and moodiest episodes of the show’s long history.

After having lost a lot of his sense of peace of mind: his best friends are gone, his girlfriend is next, his parents and sister are constantly busy, there’s no one for him to turn to. Steven NEEDS someone like him and while his family is trying they just don’t know how to reach him and deep down he dosen’t WANT them to. Like me at times, shocker I know, he fears deeply that if they knew some of the flaws about him, some of the problems he’s had, they’d hate him. When as time would bear out for both of us, as my first stint of therapy near the end of colllege proved, it just means they understand you better and can HELP YOU.

So instead he turns to Jasper, and he does so for good reason: He wants to control his power and emotions.. the problem is Jasper dosen’t WANT what Steven wants. Steven wants to feel godo again and feel healthy and be the person people want him to be. Jasper.. wants a fight. She wants a diamond, someone to serve, someone stronger than her who will LET her be what she feels she’s meant to be: a warrior, a destroyer, a breaker of worlds. So she slams that steven shaped peg into a round hole, and it’s horrifying and uncomfortable to see our hero turned from a loveable hero.. to a power obssed, almost vegeta-esque asshole .. in short she’s made him into the very thing he spent years fighting against, all because he’s so scared of himself he can’t face himself. It shows just how bad things have gotten: that steven’s hates himself SO MUCH, that he’d rather become something worse than face the truth and let his family help him. So convinced they don’t need him that he needs to be something ELSE.

And so tons of training, abuse and hard labor lead to the moment Jasper and fans had been waiting for: a rematch between the two. And.. it’s easily one of the series best fights. For a series that’s at it’s core about ending the cycle of violence and often big exchanges of words and someone emotinally healing are treated as big as victories in combat.. the show has some of the best fight scenes in cartoons period, and this being the penultimate one, we’ll get to the last one next time, it’s a brutal, dbz style slugfest, something unlike the other fights in the show, with two opponents full of rage and hate going at it with everything they have.. ending in Steven, for one breif terrifying moment having BECOME what his grandmothers and mother used to be: A sadstic monster drunk on their own power “Your right jasper, I WAS holding back”

But when we next see Steven, running into the house and ingoring his rightfully concerned family..... he’s not that guy anymore. He’s back to who he was at the start of the episode: A scared teenager who deeply hates himself and who wants to be better but is ironically shutting out the only people who can help him. And one.. whose committed murder. This was a VERY bold move to make: Steven KILLED SOMEONE. Sure it was shattering so it got past censors, but in his lowest moment.. steven did the one thing that to someone who treasures all life, is anthemia to him: he killed, did what his mother did before she changed, did what his aunts have done countless times to countless worlds. And it horrifes him, with him desperate to bring jasper back and using everything he has, his powers and his aunts essences, to try and fix his mistake. And unlike anyone else in his postion he succeeds.. and Jasper, ignoring steven’s attempts to apologize is surprised at first at being shattered, knowing what happened.. befor bowing proudly, FINALLY getting what she was REALLY after: A diamond to serve. And steven can only gaze in horror at what he’d become and at the realization he can’t go back from this and he has no idea what to do now. An utterly grippling, utterly terrifying character piece with some of Zach Callistons best character work in the show’s storied history, with Steven shifting from being drunk on his power to utterly broken at having broken jasper. One of the series finest moments.. only topped by some things the series proper did.. and some more on this list.

19. Perils of Peekablue (She Ra and the Princesses of Power)

“They are my people. Which means most of them have sworn revenge against me at some point “ She Ra was easily one of the best shows of the 2010′s. While it started out excellent, and pretty gay, it ended being a masterpiece, and fabulously gay, as is befitting something related to He Man in some way.

A masterful space opera, She Ra had some great bones in a thrilling love story, great humor, great action and wonderful characters most of them main and supporting going through some form of development. It was a wonderful, magical show and I look forward to Noelle giving Lumberjanes the series treatment, both because the series concept is frankly better built for an ongoing tv series than a monthly comic, and because after this series she has my utmost faith in whatever she does. Also her story about how she both came to terms with her sexuality and met her partner was VERY lovely. Seriously check it out. Also her partner was the one who co wrote another entry on this list, just a fun fact. Point is this show was awesome. But as I said part of the show’s strength was it’s character and that shines on this day in the limelight episode covering what’s going with the rebellion since She Ra shot off into space to rescue her best friend. We do get to see the best friends squad breifly, but their simply heading home: With Catra rescued and on the path to being a better person, and firmly in adora’s lap because again this show is wonderously gay and because it annoys her and Catra gets off on that, our heroes are wondering how everyone else is fairing. So we see that, as with the Rebellion not doing so good against Horde Prime, our heroes seek the solution to their problems with the same solution homer simpson always uses:

Well okay less starting a new life and more getting the help of the mysterious prince peekablue, who I now realize is where the whole pikablue name for merril probbaly came from.. or maybe nerds making things up in the 90′s werne’t that creative. You decide!

So we get the ragtag team of Mermista, Seahawk, Scorpia and Perfuma, as the quartet try to bluff their way to the prince for help. Naturally we get Seahawk being seahawk, i.e. an awesome ham with a voice way older than he looks, Mermista being annoyed by that and being forced to admit she tried out pyromania to see what it’s like, which naturally is the most romantic thing Seahawk’s heard in his whole life.. as well as some VERY charming ship tease between Scorpia and Perfuma as Scorpia enrouages her the two bond and Scorpia finally likes someone who both likes her back and isn’t so obssed with her sorta ex and tied up in her own issues a relationship is impossible. Look I was suprised she found someone else as everyone here, but i’m happys for her. She’s the nicest person on this show and is now dating the second nicest person on this show. It’s nice okay. 2020 didn’t give me much nice, it gave me the emotoinal equilvent of being constnatly stung by hornets.

We also get a lovely musical number from Scorpia about being a spy.. and the revelation Peekablue.. is just Double Trouble. THEIR BACK BABY. It was nice for them to make a comeback for one last apperance and they do provid vallid information.. but prove to not be too useful despite this both due to their habit of being only out for themselves, hence setting up an elaborate cabaret act under the ocean.. and because Mermista got chipped by the crowd, so now our heroes are stuck in a giant coffin surronded by the thing she can manipulate. It’s only through a harrowing sacrifice by scorpia that Perfuma and Seahawk escape but with their sorta partners now brainwahsed to the other side. To amp up the tension back home.. things are even worse as Spinerlla, whose been brainwashed for several episodes and seriously worrying her wife Netossa... has made her move and with the rest of the rebellion’s leadership gone, chipped everyone but Frosta and King Micah, who dosen’t last long, meaning not only do our two remaning heroes BARELY escape, but the horde now has, between both plot lines, four really heavy hitters, as later episodes would bear out that Spinerlla is basically the red tornado when it comes to wind powers. Point is perils is a fun, breather episode... that then turns into a still fun but also heartbreaking episode as our heroes loose and loose bad and their only hope is in our ohter heroes making it back to htem in one piece.

18. 100% No Stress Day (Close Enough) “Long story short I owe them three grand” Close Enough.. has not had the easiest existence. It was greenlit in 2017, used it’s pitch reel as the trailer meaning everyone thought it was MUCH farther along, was meant for TBS but got shelved because the show it was to be paired with, The Cops, was created by sexual predator Louis CK. And since he came up and h’es primarily responsible for this show getting shelved for so long... Louis CK is a bastard. He harassed women, literally and metaphorically waved his dick around to show his superiority, knew he could get away with it, and ACTED contrite when caught and rightfuly punished for it by loosing everything.. then has spent the last year or so TRYING to mount a come back, with the help of Dave Chapelle who I lost ALLLLL respect for in recent years, despite not having apologized or done anything that resembles him having actually learned his fucking lesson or tells me that, could he get away with it, he wouldn’t just do it again. I’m taking time out of this unrelated thing ot make sure he does not get ANY power back, as too often preadatory or abusive assholes get away with this and get right back to doing stuff, like say Doug Walker, who I only bring up to remind people he’s a bad person who enabled worst people and abused a lot of innocent critics, and let htem lovingly euologize a man he knew was a preadator in life without telling any of them about said behavior, which he coudl’ve done without outing the victim to the world against her wishes. Because as another episode we’ll get to next time briliantly put it

But now i’m done reminding people of assholes, I can get back to what’s really important: The fact this show is a goddamn miracle. Not only is it as good as I hoped, which let’s face it in this year it was just as likely the show would be the video equilvent of scabies, but it got RENEWED. Turns out it’s being delayed.. was a blessing in disguise as it sidestepped being part of a failed animation block, and instead go to be the first adult animated show on HBO Max with tons of promotion. And judging by the future lineup of adult animated programming.. it’s probably going to be the ONLY good one for a while as other offering includes the prince, about life with the royal family, and a show about a 12 year old whose constantlly going thorugh trauma because they apparently did not get the irony when watching moral orel and also skipped the entire third season. And possibly got some brain damage I dunno. Hopefully will lead to much better shows down the line and actually gets a second chance at life, and even if it clocks in at only two seasons, it’s still a damn miracle and I will acknolwedge it.

So yeah as I said the show is fantastic and was one of my faviorites this year. The show treads some familiar terroitory as it does use the formula from Quintel’s “Regular Show”: Normal problems that spiral into bizzare chaos that still has it’s own effed up internal logic. The thing that honestly makes it BETTER in my opinon, is the passage of time. Quintel is no longer the brighted eyed fresh out of college and menial job guy he was: he’s married with a kid, and that fully informed this project, as instead of being about doofing around in your 20′s, it’s about the pressures of hitting your 30′s: from aging to keeping your relationship fresh to all the perils that come with parenting, to missed opportunities you deeply regret. There’s a lot of good stuff they dig into here, but it never overdies the comedy, simply ads a bit of depth to it. And regular show wasn’t LACKING that by any means, i’m not bashing the show.. i’m just saying Close Enough is starting at the level Regular Show was at at it’s best.. and could easily and handily suprasss it with time it now has.

And I was first given a good and proper introduction via this episode, as it leaked beforehand due to a french animation festival and I couldn’t help reviewing it, as i’d waited quite some time. But honestly while I like the first episode in the all in the show proper, quilty pleasures.. I feel this is a WAY better first episode and shoudl’ve been swapped with Quilty, as it introduces things even better and lets the whole cast shine, and thus is one of two close enough episodes on this list. The episode starts with Emily, the stable but stressed and anxious half our our main couple at the doctors office where we get a great barrage of jokes off the bat, from the laundry setting a blaze leading to one of the series best lines

Naturally this has lead to her body constnatly sleep fighting .. while she’s awake, so Josh, her husband and loveable doofus, offers to take care of errands so she dosen’t implode from the stress. This also displays one of the series best assets: While Josh and Emily are an optimistic and impulsive idiot and a stressed out, often voice of reason.. they actually LOVE each other. It’s like a far more healthy of early seasons homer and marge, where BOTH get in over their head but both clearly love and respect each other, and while Josh CAN be irresponsible.. he still holds down a decent job (Though Emily is more of the breadwinner and her job provides the insurance), is attentive to their daughter candace, and WANTS to be repsonsible. Trust me after countless dom coms where i’ve had to restrain from yelling “GET A DIVORCE” at the screen, it’s nice the tide is turning and Bob’s Burgers has become more of the norm couple wise than the exception. But yeah so the main group splits up: Josh takes candace and his best friend and local weirdo played by Jason Mantzokus every series needs, and easily my favoirite character, Alex to do errands while Bridgette, Alex’s ex husband, Emily’s best friend and both the bbay of the bunch and the most irresponsible one.. gets her high to help her relax.

Both plots are really great: The boys and candace run into a ham shortage, a joke that actually plays better in the pandemic age, and stripper clowns because in the series best gag so far, Alex explains via flashback he bet them they couldn’t make a dog, and one did so.. using his dick.

Just in case you were wondering if JG was enjoying the fact he could use adult humor now, though another part of the series charm is while it freely makes more adult jokes, it dosen’t ever get into gross or dudebro territory. It just means the censors are down and they don’t have to hide beer as soda anymore. They also have to tangle with some hamburgalers who are reselling the meat at rock bottom prices and creating the shortage.. and who deny being hamburgalers despite their tactics being backing up into houses with a large van and stealing hams. OUr heros avoid becmonig meat and naturally end up both in a car chase and then a bet for their lives in a game of Ladder World, josh’s latest game. Meanwhile Emily blazes it and we get a great getting high montage, as it shows BRidgette’s idea does genuinely help a bit.. until they run into Timothy, the teacher at cadance’s school who I hope gets an increased roll as he’s always a delight and this is his best apperance. Depsite the understandable awkwarndess and paranoia of running into your kids teacher while high, being an open minded guy Timothy offers them wine and then weed and even takes Emily punching him when her trip takes a bad turn, giving her a stern but fair “bitch use your words!” before the next seen has him helping her through her issues with some solid advice, allowing her to arrive in home just in time to save her husband and the cave goblin who lives in her house from clown strippers and meat gangsters.. which sounds like one hell of a gay porno. All in all a solid, always hilarous, always charming ep that shows the series off at it’s best.

17. How Santa Stole Christmas! (Ducktales)

“No, no.. Christmas is a SAD story?”

This is my third and hopefully FINAL time talking about this one, though given it has a high chance of showing up on the series best of list, probably not. Not that I mind, this is a VERY good episode, I just don’t have anytihing new left to say. It’s a heartwarming, fresh, engaging christmas special that uses the characters perfectly and for once actually strips down the cast effectively instead of making you wonder where everyone else is, while still giving everyone an apperance. It also has Webby giving Lena (And Violet) an adorable cheek smooch when delivering her parents and I will never not find that fucking precious. Plus it’s gay as hell with plenty of gay subtext between Scrooge and Santa, a sentence I never thought i’d say but i’m so glad i’ts my job to get to type things like that, and said kiss so that helps. But even besides that it’s just REALLY damn good. Again i’m leaving this short both because i’ve talked about this twice now, once when it came out as I do regularly for ducktales and again for my best christmas specials list, but it’s really that good and made it damn high on my bet christmas specials list and is only so low here.. because despite being a terrible year in every other respect we got some REALLY good episodes this year. So yeah this one’s a classic, I love it but i’m tired of talking about it till at least next december. Moving on.

16. Finale (E-Turtle Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Shreddy or Not, Anatawa Hitorijanai, and Rise) Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles “Oh and Blue your leader now” As I mentioned in the intro. Rise of the TMNT was unjustly canceled this year and even worse got it’s season order chopped in half and was given just weeks to throw together a finale. So it’s remakrable that not only was the season pretty damn good, having the series usual problems of sometimes overdipping into the boys stupidity hence the episode where everyone but Raph keeps eating poison, but also had both great character arcs in Baron Draxum’s reformation and Splinter getting more and more fleshed out and more screne time, and great laughs. Seriously Clothes Don’t Make The Turtle, aka that episode where our heroes end up trapped in an 80′s dress up montage, BARELY didn’t make the list.

And as a longtime fan of the franchise I couldn’t be happier this fresh take, which I was aprhensive about at first because it looked like yet another dumbed down teen titans go ripoff, and given it was dumb to begin with... but instead was a fun action comedy with a lot of really unique and intresting ideas. And despite the rush to finish.. they delivered one hell of a finale and on the high chance season 3 dosen’t happen... it’s a hell of a note to go out on. First things first: yes i’m counting multi parters as one episode. Not more seralized shows like SU Future or Infinity Train, where events can flow in and out, but stories that are clearly one big story, in pieces like the old days. Since hour long episodes of shows are fair game, I felt it only fair that multi parters around the same length as an hourlong special be given the same treatment. Not that any hourlongs made it this year, sorry fans of Obsidian and “Let’s Get Dangerous”, though both are throughly EXCELLENT episodes this was just a tight list.

Okay good. So yeah the finale, split over four episodes, is an epic: taking plot threads from all season and series and weaving them into a well paced, emotoinal, finale. Like previous more serious episode the comedy’s downplayed.. but it doesen’t feel like an entirley diffrent show and works well, and the always great fluid animation was kicked up to 11 for this one. So to make a long story short: in this series shredder is a demonic set of armor, but came back wrong at the end of last season when the food clan revivied him, so while the clan now has him back, they can’t really use him. And current head Foot Recurit, a spunky foot recruit whose failed to rank up despite being tough and ambitious and worthy of it, is at a loss how to reviive her master. The turltes, naturally, end up accidently blundering into the solution as they head into Splinter’s head to find the info to beat Shredder. The show gives splinter easily one of , if not the best, backstories he’s ever had: While at the start the character was highly annoying, being a lazy asshole who didn’t train the boys and did nothing.. the show eventually give us valid reasons WHY he’s like this: he didn’t like being turned into a rat by big bad of season 1 Baron Draxum and thus has depresion over that, had quit fighting since he’d been forced to be a cage fighter by his ex for a while, his ex being a giant spider just in case you thought this would be remotely normal an forgot what show we were talking about and genrally just had no horse in the tight training he usually does in most continuties.

This episode adds another, heartbreaking lair: We find out back when he was Hamato Yoshi, Splinter’s mom left to ward off shredder when he was a boy.. and thus never came back and presumibly died. Understandably he had no time for the clan at that point, constantly defying his grandfather.. and why should he have time for them? They took his mom away for a thankless duty sacrificing herself to stop something he had no way of knowing was real, another reason he never trained the boys. And his grandfather rather than be AT all apologetic clearly, via his actions, thought of this as some great honor and was baffled why Yoshi would have no intrest in repeating his mother’s actions or have any sense of honor, duty or even love for a man who as far as he could tell, threw his mom to the wolves and had no regrets about it. So we see Yoshi as both a rebellious teen and as a movie star throwing out his grandpa.. we see those in reverse of course, but the later scenes give context to those showing why Yoshi was so rude.. because he lost his mom and it still hurts him. HOwever helping her frees the shredder.. but also Karai who bizarely, in this continuity is not only an aincent ancestor of theres but a firm ally instead of either a deadly enemy or a fremeny of sorts. Or Splinter’s dang daughter, one of 2012′s best plot elements.. that was then wasted by turning her into a snek for a while because that show really went off the rails. So it quickly turns from a heartwarming and awkard family reunion.. to our heroes and karai barely escaping with their lives as shredder demolishes the lair, and Draxum, now a good guy after a season’s worth of wonderful chracter development, and Splinter stay behind, with Draxum cleverly bluffing and pretending ot be evil again.. only to try and take out shredder.

Meanwhile we get this series take on “the turtles going to teh woods to retreat” as Raph beats himself up for being a bad leader and our heroes learn to tap into their hamato nimpo.. which basically means super magic ninja powers which allows them to bring back their classic weapons and enhances their magic, as it was never in teh weapons but in them all along. Also April gets Karai in her, phrasing, and a glowing boost to her bat. The result.. is one of the best fights of both the year and the franchise PERIOD, which is what got me to catch up to see the finale because I saw a fan video synching it up to “Spin and Burst”.. and while not a naruto fan.. that song is fucking awesome and that video showed off an utterly marvelous fight. See for yourself

youtube

Seriously I wasn’t kidding. I’ve been a fan of this franchise since 2003. This is one of the best sequences in it’s history with or without the added soundtrack: The fighting is fast, frentic, beautfully animated and cool to watch and perfectly combines the series humor, with our heroes giving out quips and callbacks at the right times, with it’s fast paced and wonderous action. It also shows how far our heroes have come: while PART of it is them having super mystic powers unlocked.. they both had to work to reach those powers, and spirtually rather than phsycially,in the third part, but each power is merly an upgraded versoin of their old weapon powers, ablities they’ve spent the entire series mastering, paticuarlly leo who went from BARELY being able to work his portals to using teleport spam here. While they did pull a power BOOST out of their ass, it would’ve meant nothing had they not been anymore skileld than when they started and it makes the fight feel rewarding and impactful. And it ends with the hamot clan as a whole, with new ally foot recurit aka cassandra jones ina great last minute reveal that they CLEARLY didn’t have time to build up better, and smoke that bitch. Also Leo’s leader now bye. It’s just a damn good finale and I dind’t even get into all the great character stuff, including the great payoff of Casey’s face turn after seeing just how much of a monster the man she always wanted to serve is, and how he’s hurting Splinter, who ACTUALLY cares about her well being despite being an enemy. It’s just good stuff that fits the franchise like a glove but iwth the series own unique stamp on it. Nuff said.

15. Toadcatcher (Amphibia) “Your not upset because you lost the fight, your upset because you lost your friend! Your upset that Anne stood up to you and things between you will never be the same again.” Amphibia was one of the first shows I covered reguarlly and along with Ducktales one of the most popular.. so yeah it’s weird it not only is low on the list, but this is the only represtintive. But this was a high volume year for quality and while the show had other standout episodes like gravity falls tribute “Wax Museum”, Marcy’s introduction “Marcy at the Gates” and noir patische “Little Frogtown”, as this list already shows it was a really tight race. It dosen’t help that while Season 2 isn’t terrible.. it’s a bit more uneven, and unlike season 1 it’s weaker stretches of episodes weren’t as easily covered, as instead of airing every weekday, it was a weekly release. Which I prefer, as it means they aren’t being dumped out en masse and are given room to breathe and the passage of time feels more warranted when it’s spread out over a few months intead of a few weeks. It just meant the weaker episodes stood out more and drained on me more.. but it also meant the stronger ones were all the more a breath of fresh air. And nowhere was this more apparent as teh worst episode of the season, and series, thus far, Quarallers Pass.. was paired with Toadcatcher, an utterly marvelous episode and followup to ironically the series best so far, Reunion.

This episode catches us up with Sasha, Anne’s former best friend who tried to kill her in a sword fight, one where the entirety of wartwood including her adopted grandpa was at sake and Sasha knew this and did not care. She then followed it up by letting go when Anne was depseratley holding on, with the help of her new family, to save Sashsa’s life.. and Sasha let go. I discussed the full implications in the review so I will avoid trigggering anyone, and I mean tha tin the medical sense anyone using it ironiclaly or to mock people using it as it’s intended can get fucked, but she clearly didn’t intend to make it, but Grime saved her and spirted her off. So we catch up with both licking their wounds from the ordeal: Sasha has decided to take the Jasper route of horrible coping mechanisms and is training constnatly, readily kiling dolls of the plantars but still unable to truly hurt Anne, burying her feelings over her guilt and her best friend rightfully turning on her and then trying to save her anyway despite Sasha trying to gut her. Grime.. is binging on the wonderfully terrible teen soap Supscion Island, coming back this january on the cw, that was intorduced last season and generally not carring the king has his best men, women and nonbinary folks out for his head.

So both issues come to a head as General Yuaan, scourge of the Sand Wars, defeater of Ragnar the Wretched, and the youngest newt to ever achieve the rank of general in the great Newtopian Army, and she’ll never miss a chance to say that, has come for Grime whose in no condition and has no will to fight back. He also finally confronts Sasha when she snaps at him for it, pointing out she’s simply burying the fact that she lost Anne, things won’t be the same, and she won’t deal with it. The episode adds real depth to grime, going from an intresting but semeingly just evil overlord.. to someone who worked his way out of a fighting pit to be given a thankfless if cushy job by the same people who threw him in in the first place, someone who to my shock at the time.. CARES about his protege. While allowing Sasha in was simply to their mutual advantage at first.. he’s grown to genuinely care about her as his friend and offers to let Yuaan have him so she can be free. but Sasha refuses. Despite her issues.. she CARES about the old toad and together, and using Yaan’s ham against her, they beat her, and decide to rebuild their army... after Grime finishes his soaps of course. Can.. relate. A thorughly good, throughly emotinally episode that dosen’t lack the series humor but does have a depth and rhthym to it that the series has at i’ts best.

14. Quack Pack! (Ducktales) Jesus I was so tired when making this I nearly forgot an entry. And shame on me as this was one of the best episodes of an already amazing Season. Season 3 is easily ducktales best and i’ve been proud to cover it. It’s been my most popular feature and while not every episodes been GREAT, only one’s really not been very good, and none have been out and out bad. While it may be the end of the shows run and not without problems, they still have trouble ballancing the adults at times if not nearly as bad as before, to the point Launchpad just sorta vanishes after Let’s Get Dangerous outside of the Christmas Specail that takes place before the season anyway, and Louie is often written VERY badly.. but i’ve talked about these things all season in my reviews.

Point is those faults are overwhelmed by the strengths; The character ballance is better, several side characters have gotten tons of payoff to their arcs and more development, and the main plot is easily the best in the series history: By having essentially one main plot with two focuses, before they merge at the halfway marker, it allows the season to be far more streamlined after the really messy way season 2′s plots were handled. It just shows the show at it’s best and has produced amazing episode after amazing episode and it was really hard to widdle it down to the ones that got selected here and even then one got left out.

But one boost I haven’t mentioned is their wilingness to take risk. While past seasons had flashback episodes and what not this one, in hindsight, has some of the more risky episodes of the series, ones you really COULDN’T do in seasons 1 and 2: a whole episode flashback to the twins, basically taking our present day kids out for the whole season, an hour long special focusing on what, to fans not familiar with darkwing duck, is simply a very engaging side character and his new sidekick.. and launchpad (The ducks aren’t OUT of the special, but they aren’t the focus and aren’t around for most of the climax). An episode with really dark emotional moments.. which isn’t unsuaul for a disney show, see next time, but for one so close to their chest it was a lot. They were settled in enough to take plenty of risks and it’s paid off. It’s not to community levels of experimentation, but it’s still nice, intresting breaks from the usual adventures.

And one of the best and boldest of these was Quack Pack. Taking our heroes and plopping them into a TGIF sitcom. Of which this plot not only happened TWICE this year, three times if you count the entirety of beef house, which I do so let’s call it three, but both cartoon examples are on this list. But both tackle it in diffrent and intresting ways so both got on here. IN this case.. during a stock plot about a family photo, complete with Donald having his Don Cheadle voice back, we get some great parodies of convetions of les.s. good sitcomes nad even some of the greats: there’s the constnat catcphrases (ranging from a sticomy version of Della’s “On the moon”, to Beakly’s “I’m not a spy.. which sh’es understandably inscnesed to find out is her catchphrase) ,and even the wacky neighbor with our lord and savior Goofy showing up in the roll, as a nice nod to the more sitcom side of the Disney Afternoon. We just get a lot of good gags.. until Huey becomes aware, starting to realize things are off, with his guidebook being empty and things just not adding up. We even get a great bit of him being forced to do a disney channel/that 70′s show dance transtion only to react with exesntial horror. Naturally, given their lives,a genie did it, Gene, played by Jaleel White in a pefect bit of casting. Having been imprisoned in his lamp since the 90′s. Gene’s a bit behind on how sticoms work, but was just granting a wish, Donald’s wish, which the family figures out by trigggiring a flashback, Goofy VERY MUCH included. where we find out it was, unsuprisngly Donald’s fault.. though in his defense, and in the best line of the episode, when confronted about wishing for a normal life “I wish for that 30 times a day. How was I supposed to know a lamp was under me this time?”

And we find out why and it’s heartbreaking: Donald just wants a normal family, where everyone’s safe and, most tellningly “No one gets lost.”. It’s the climax of a series long HATRED of going on these adventures. For everyone else it’s fun, thriling, good stuff.. to him.. it’s not only a reminder of what cost him 10 years with his sister and his adopted sons their mom for that time, but a reminder of a lot of pain and humilation. To him he just wants the normal life he used to have back, despite that not being an option and his kids to be safe and his sister not to leave again. Granted his refusal to undo the wish is selfish.. but i’ts understandable. And while the rest of them try to break the wish, and end up fighting the horrifying audience it’s GOOFY who gets donald to see all families are diffrent and that there is no normal: just what you make and enjoy. It makes donald realize that as hectic as his life is.. it’s his life, his family.. and maybe. it’s not so bad. After years of denying how much he used to love adventuering.. he realizes part of him stilld oes and no amount of turning against it will fix what he lost... he just has to enjoy NOW. It’s good solid character development for my favioriote member of the cast, and overall a fun, genre spoofing episode that pokes fun at the genre but reallyg ets how it works.

13. Growing Pains (Steven Universe Future)

“ What do I do? How do I move on from all the stuff I've been through? How do I live life if it always feels like I'm about to die?! “ So yeah big recap of steven’s emotional well being to get into future earlier, but rewinding a bit, this one takes place with our hero at a low point. Not “oh god I comitted murder what am I now oh god” low as we got to earlier and the series itself wold get to later, these lists make time warped and space bendeble, but still pretty damn bad. As mentioned before Steven tried proposing to connie, not helped by Ruby and Sapphire both being fully on board, as both are hopeless romantics seprate but when combined as a Garnet their shared braincell can get working properly and has settings other than “emotoinal pain, peppy (ruby), a bit distant but kind (Sapphire) and horny”. While it was as beautiful a propsal as you’d expect from Steven.. Connie gently rejected it since you know, he also wanted to be permafused and their not even legal marrying age left. He’s 17.. despite what this episode claims. She’s 15 or 16. They aren’t ready and she knew it not even ruling it out entirely, just saying “not now”. But as this episode bears out.. Steven really isn’t an emotinal state where he could properly process that way and after shooing her away, even though she WANTED to talk it over and genuiely make sure he was okay as she damn well knew this wasn’t easy on him, but also knew it’d probably be bad to press him while he was clearly in pain. So like everyone else she made the mistake of leaving. So Steven’s binging on junk food, and bemoaning the fact that even dogcopter is getting married.. also Dogcopter is gay. Given the show he’s a fictional character in, you THINK i’d of been less suprised but you’d be wrong. Point is steven isn’t dealing well and is going pink and with the gems gone for the weekend, and Greg unavaliable due to being busy as a manager, Steven is getting worse and his body is starting to warp. Thanfkully connie comes to check up on him and insits he see a doctor.. and since her mother’s a doctor and thankfully had a cancelation. Unthankfully it turns out, to Prianka’s understandable frustration.. Steven’s never been to a doctor. Which does make sense, Greg taking him in might’ve alreted authorties to his lack of schooling or his injuries from age 13 onward, plus he had no idea of knowing how his body would react to tests. That being said given by this point in the series Gems are well accepted and known around town and everyone loves and adores steven, Greg had no real excuse by this age especially after the second gem war. And that’s proven by the fact it turns out steven’s body has tons of internal scars which, due to him turning out to have a wolverine style healing factor, mean h’es alive and without brain damage, but still has plenty of internal scars. It’s a godo metaphor for his mental trauma: he came out of his various happenings ALIVE.. but not mentally okay and with PLENTY of ptsd. When Prianka asks him to list his traumas.. he dosen’t even get past season 1 before she’s understandably horrified, though she’s figured out exactly what’s causing his pink mode: as mentioned before his contstant life of danger and having the threat of a fight at any moment over his head for 2 solid years, maybe 3 given the third light game shows he still had a lot of work to do before the movie and future, and honestly still does at times during both, mean his flight or fight response has been shot so the adrenline charged pink form, meant to protect him from danger.. is triggering for EMOTIONAL pain and suffering.

Steven dosen’t take it well and keeps enlarging when pressed.. and accidently spills the beans about the proposal... and understandably, even if she was FULLY in the right can’t be around Connie: while she had every right to reject him, it dosen’t mean it hurts any less. Sometimes even when you do the absolute right thing.. it can still hurt to be on the receiving end of that. But Connie is still Connie, aka the most emotinally stable and mature person in the main cast very much including the sentient space rocks who are centuries older than her, so she called Greg who naturally dropped everything because his son needed him. It shows the genuine conflict, one, again that I’ve grappled with: Steven is so obssed with not boterhing those he loves, he fails to see they’ll help him when he needs it without a second thought. So Greg thankfully calms him down and taks over the failed proposal with no judgement or anything just support. Sadly things go downhill from here but it’s a good episode that turns the entire series on it’s head with some damn good character work.

12. Annhilation of Joy (The Midnight Gospel)

“Again? How Many times is this guy gonna die?” “Until he learns” The Midnight Gospel was a plesant suprise. Penndelton Ward’s return to animation after leaving Adventure Time, the show is a collberation between him and podcaster Duncan Trussel. It was a suprise both in how quickly it came together, and in how it’s real nature wasn’t properly expressed in the trailers: while the series does tell us the trippy adventures of Clancy, a 40 something “Spacecaster” who uses an illegal simulator to visit worlds to interview various people.. said interviews are expercts from Trusseul’s own podcast, the Duncan Trussel Family Hour, something this series has badly made me want to listen to. As such while dealing with zombie apocalypses, a quest to avenge a dead lover, being processed as meat and meeting death herself while looking for his hose, Clancy interviews his subjects, including Death herself, and talks on various subjects related to medation and spirutality, throughly fascenating interviews greatly woven into trippy visuals. Hopefully the show will be back for round 2 at some point as both Ward and Trussel are game, but for now the first season stands on it’s own as a throughly trippy, throughly wonderful blend of Trussel’s words and insight and Ward’s boundless imagination. And the best of these, narrowly beating out the final epsiode which uses an interview with Truseel’s late mother to inform clancy’s own actions, as Clancy’s Mom is dying from cancer same as Trussels tragically did. But I like this one slightly better due to it’s great blend of the subject with the plot. Once again Clancy is ignoring his pain, and his sister’s calls, by diving into the space vagina of his simulator, taking a weird form, and easily my faviorite of his shapeshifted forms of the season: a living rainbow that wouldn’t be out of palce in a pbs kids show, complete with the fact he makes musuical chimes when touched not unlike a children’s toy and has chosen this form to enter the simulator’s jail. It’s there he gets engagled, literally, with Bob and Jason. Bob is an angry, upset prisoner who chewed his own tounge out years ago, and Jason is his soul bird, a represntation of his pain bound to him by blue rope that Clancy got tangled in. So Clancy is taken along for the ride with them as every time Bob dies, the celestial beings in charge of the prison put him through weird emtional torment, pluck out his heard and weigh it against a feather plucked from jason.

Thus while Clancy and Jason have a spirited conversation about Buddishm and about not treaing spirutality like a game with levels and having to earn progress but as an emotinal journey, Bob goes through a buddishm inspried journey of his own, mixed with a bit of edge of tommorow. He dies, gets tourtured then resets.. but slowly learns to empathize, to let go of his anger and violence and help those around him. It’s an utterly mesmering journey to watch this angry green big headed man go from a violet convict who will gladly shoot and stab.. to a pacfisit eager to help those around him. And it’s thorughly convincing and backed wonderfully by the interview and easily a sign of what this weird and unconveintonal series can do at all cyllnders. Seriously Netflix you’ve been on a loosing streak decisionmaking wise. Make. More. Of. This.

11. Save the Cat (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power) "C'mon Catra. You're not done. Not yet..."

God that image is unsettling. Anywho back to She-Ra, and somehow this is the second time i’ve had to rewind the progress of a season by about an episoide. Weird. Point is saved the cat is one of the most tightly packed and thrilling episodes of the series.. and the crux of Catra’s character arc. Before this Catra had hit her lowest point, having lost ..j well everything. She pushed everyone from adora, to the nonambigiously a couple trio, to her own best friends away through her shitty behavior and inferoirty complex and somenoe she THOUGHT was her friend.. turned on her for money. Oh and as an added stomp on the tail all that betryal, all the blood spilled in her name.. was for nothing. Horde Prime made her irrelvant: she couldnt’ manipualte him because a combination of a god complex and an army of loyal drones meant he had nothing to hide and eyes everywhere. She had nothing. Eveyrthing she did every sacrifice she made every worse and worse turn she made a s a person... amounted to NOTHING. So it was at this point she and glimmer, despite you know killing Glimmer’s mother, were forced to work together.. and Catra sacrificed herself both to get Glimmer safe and because for once.. she wanted to do something right. Her self loathing, some of it warranted, a lot of it already there from an abusive childhood, left her with one option: sacrifice herself and HOPE, something good can come of it, Apologize to Adora, hte one person she ever loved and hope she can at least surivive this. Naturally, Adora having seen her friend/love of her life has not only REALIZED what she become, but sacrifice herself.. isn’t having this, and after an episode of repairs both on the ship and emotinally, our heroes are naturally, despite any personal hangups with her ready to save Catra. Naturally this hits snags. On Bow and Entrapta’s end, they accidently free a horde clone she mistakes for hordak and, having no other real option and with the guy being useful, Wrong Hordak is born! I love me some Wrong Hordak. What a guy, makes you cry, und I did.

The main issue though is Adora let herslef be captured.. only to find Horde Prime is a sadstic bastard and has not only chipped Catra, but is using her newfound peace of mind to play with adora’s head, using Catra’s heartbreak from the past to manipulate Adora in the present.. and force them to fight because hey he’s a sadistic jackass with a god complex. They make their own fun. But Adora gets through to her .. only for Prime to decide fuck it and try killing her with Adora BARELY saving her with her power, and Catra, as she fades, wondering why Adora even bothered. And the why is simple.. as a wise fictional version of a wise president once said “Dying is easy young man, living is harder”. Not the last time that quote will be relevant in this top 20 list, but the point, and it was delebrate on Noelle Stevenon’s part, was to subvert this kind of thing> The bad guy gets redemption but then dies seconds later. Instead.. Catra has to LIVE with what she did and make up for it, become a better person and work for redepmtion, instead of just getting to end in some big blaze of glory. But at the same time.. it’s the better route. The harder one sure.. but she gets to have a life and to undo the damage and maybe for once.. actually live instead of just trying to surivive. IT was the right call in a series full of them.

But yeah the day is saved, our heroes have two new roomates and Catra weakly greats Adora.. but with genuine warmth for the first time in .. years I guess? I don’t know this series time span. Point is the healing and the ship tease for our finale can begin and this episode is a tense, well put together masterwork. The pacing really is what put it up this far, as it really ratchets up the tension, and being the last season, meant there was no guarantee anyone, including catra, was going to make it. Excellent stuff all around.

So that’s where we leave off for now. i’ll be PUTTING PART 2 HERE WITH A LINK. once i’ts finished For now watch this space and..

#best of 2020 #2020 #best of list #Steven Universe #Steven Universe Future #She Ra and the Princesses of Power #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #save rottmnt #ducktales #amphibia #the midnight gospel

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