#and then i overthink and my brain is just like ‘nope ur lying ur doing this for attention ur just thinking too much’

[luobingmeis]

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#i’m rambling/slightly-vulnerable-posting in the tags of this post #100% genuine do not feel obligated to read i just don’t have any other vent outlets omg #i would invest in a journal but 1) feels too intimate and 2) cannot trust it to not be found #anyways tho!!!!! #imposter syndrome is. really happening tonight! #like idk it’s like i’ve always known ‘identity is fluid’ but i always felt like it applied to everyone else #and then i think abt the ways my identity has changed between 13-21 and it just feels?? idk #like i almost feel guilty? in a sense? #esp bc between like idk august to now i have been having like. stacked identity crises. #and a part of me feels like i should’ve figured this shit out already lmao #and another part of me is like ‘would an X person really think abt this all the time’ #and then /another/ part of me feels like i am just faking everything even though i. am not. but sometimes brain bad!! #and it’s just weird #and sometimes very much this feeling of ‘are these feelings genuine or am i thinking too much’ #and i feel a lot of that with gender but like. #that esp i feel almost scared to talk abt bc i have Thoughts and Feelings #and then i overthink and my brain is just like ‘nope ur lying ur doing this for attention ur just thinking too much’ #like idk my whole identity sometimes feels like just a back and forth with my own brain #and it always just comes back to ‘shouldnt i know this stuff already?’ #‘why does it feel like everything just suddenly changed’ #and most of all (and my personal favorite /s): #‘are these feelings real or am i uprooting everything bc i feel like i’m losing my grip on a lot of stuff’ #like idk i feel like that sounds. bad. #and i’m hesitant to call it this bc ik it has serious connotations but sometimes it feels obsessive #and like. would pay money for someone to tell me what i am #bc i have thoughts and feelings but it’s like i’m scared to commit bc like. what if temporary. #or what if not taken seriously. or not wanted. fun shit like that! #A N Y W A Y S THOUGH #also if u made it this far 1) god bless and 2) i’m not fishing for attention i just needed a vent space omg