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perhapsthanatos · 3 years

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10:32 pm with yuta ♡

nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)

alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn

genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.

word count: 1400~

playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.

warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.

a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3

“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”

“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”

“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”

“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”

you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?

you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?

after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.

“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”

a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.

“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”

“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“

“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”

his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”

you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”

he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”

“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”

“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.

knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.

yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.

he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.

“get in, princess.”

and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.

“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.

“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”

you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.

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crossovereddie · 3 years

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Thoughts on 11x06

I had to come back to type this after the episode. I was gonna wait to post until more people are active but everyone’s safety is more important than notes. This was really hard for me to watch. It took me two hours because I kept needing a break. It’s a tough one yall. It’s heartbreaking and really brought out issues I didn’t know I was still dealing with until I reacted so badly to some stuff. Take care of yourselves and I’m here if you need to talk. I’ll have timestamps for major tws in another post coming right after this. I just gotta go back and get the end of those scenes. I only go the time they started.

Okay. So. There’s some trigger warnings that I’ve reblogged earlier. This recap WILL have thoughts about those triggers. If you think you’ll be triggered just message me or send me an ask and I’ll give you the non triggering recap. Stay safe please.

Kev and v intro. They’re having sex behind the bar

I’m extremely nervous for some reason I might not be able to get through this

Bike heist!!

LICKEY RIGHTS

LIP CALLS HIM MICK

MISSION IMPISSIBLE

Mickey is unimpressed

Lip telling Mickey what to do yes please

Fucking Mickey omg

HE LOOKS SO GOOD

THE WAY HE SAYS BRAD

Again Mickey is unimpressed

Lip :(

MICKEY CONCERNED ABOUT LIPS SOBRIETY

AGAIN I SAY LICKEY RIGHTS

Frank is falling the chick he’s boning Monica

Not sure that’s her real name

Wait yeah it is

Frank??? Has to get to work???

Wait her name isn’t Monica

Oh shut now I get what’s happening

“Can I speak to Pope Francis please” LIAM 😭

Poor baby

Lip cooking breakfast. Hot.

I forgot about camis baby

I actually beep bad for lip and Tami

We already heard this argument with Mickey and Ian get new material writers

PRODIGAL THEIF

PINK BOX HES SO CUTE

HE LOOKS SO CUTE GOTTA SQUEEZE HIM PLS

Yeah don’t tell Carl that traitor

MICKEY BROUGHT DONUTS PLS

HES SO CUTE

ITS TOO MUCH

I LOVE HIM

HIS SMILE!!!!!!!!

GALLAGHER YOUTH

THAT MEANS MICKEY TOO BYE

CARL CALLING HIM MICK TOO PLS

I CANT TAKE IT

Poor Liam he’s terrified

“I was hoping the fucker would just die” :(

Shut up Debbie

Mickey is beautiful

Leave Mickey out of it debbie goddamn

I cant fucking stand her

Frank just observing his kids and smiling

Same frank

SHUT UP DEBBIE

OH MY GOD HIS LAUGH IS THIS WHAT YOU HEAR WHEN YOU FIRST GET TO HEAVEN????

“And the smartest” lol

Someone save Liam

“I want Sandy”

We all do kid

Fucking manipulative little I CANT STAND DEBBIE

Sandy deserves better

I hate the Milkovichs!!!!

How did smart sensitive sweet beautiful loving Mickey come from this disgusting family????

MICKEY IS THE BOSS

My heart hurts so him

“Homo sexy” dear god

Mickey is too good he deserves so much better

I love him so much

Let him be happy

Mickey has the biggest heart

They’re actually talking and not fighting

CHAPO STFU

You’re so funny and smart and beautiful don’t forget that baby

SUGAR TITS

And no one is fazed lmao

“He’s actually my uncle and my dad” I fucking hate this show

I forgot Carl makes legit money now

Wtf kinda school is this

This is so fucked up

The twins are so adorable

SHUT UP DEBBIE

“You guys” I hate that but also she’s acknowledging Mickey as “hers” and he’s family :(

Okay this horrifying comment

I hate that it’s just nonchalant

Debbie just keeps talking.

Let’s move on

Mickeys face when she says “butt naked”lmao

LIP CALLING HIM MICK AGAIN

“Talk to you for a minute?”

“Yes. Please”

I LOVE IT

Mickey is unimpressed by lip once again and I’m smiling

They love each other they’re secretly best friends ITS A FACT

HAND SHAKE SO CUTE

MY BABIES

“Blue like my balls” fucking frank lol

They’re going in on Frank’s storyline now

Boss Mickey at it again

Terry’s home

The way his face falls im sick

SANDY BABY

My heart is racing

Mickeys face is breaking my heart

Great now I’m crying

Mickey got emotional

Ian sensed it and touched his neck all fucking sweet

Okay I had to take a little break because I started crying

I love him too much

Fucking Noel is so damn good

My heart is fucking breaking

“Frank’s not a homophobic psychopath who tortured you for years”

Please Mickey deserves better

I don’t wanna hear any Ian slander either.

In this house we protect my son and my son in law I will fight you

“Let’s get the fuck outta here. Lip you coming?” 😭

That was so hard to watch yall. I’m not gonna lie to you. My parents weren’t half as shitty as terry but growing up feeling unloved your whole life fucks you up anyway and that brought out some emotions and feelings I didn’t realize I still dealt with. I had to pause for a good while and cry.

Leave Sandy alone debbie

Terry is disgusting

Okay the homophobic language he uses is definitely triggering so I’ll time stamp that too

Debbie you selfish bitch

Everyone leaving terry outside it’s a yes from me

I honestly can’t concentrate on the other scenes now I’m sorry y’all

I try to cover everyone’s scenes but it’s hard for me today

I’m not okay

Liam is too innocent poor kid

MICKEY LIP AND IAN THE BEST TRIO

We need more scenes

I PAUSED TO TYPE AND THE FUCKING LOOK HES GIVING HIM STOP

They’re besties

Mickey is beautiful

MY BABY BUSINESS BOSS MAN I LOVE YOU

he really hasn’t called him Philip the entire episode wtf

Ignoring Debbie

Now I want fries

Carl is cringy

Mickey drove them home and pulled a gun

Honestly again another heartbreaking scene

Ian’s trying to make him stop

Terry is disgusting and also a coward but we’ve been knew

Noel is the most amazing

Mickey gets teary but doesn’t cry bc I cried enough for the both of us

He’s the strongest bravest ever and I’m so proud of him

I need a hug

My heart hurts so much y’all

I just want him to be happy

I’m a fucking mess

I can’t handle Lip being emotional too

Oh I thought lip wanted to sell the house for himself only but at least they all get their share

Horrible music choice

I wanna tuck Mickey in with his favorite tv show on(911) make him his favorite food to eat in bed and not let anyone but Ian around him for a good 72 hours

The way Ian is looking at him

“Would you take care of me if I was paralyzed?”

“....yeah. Yeah”

“Top you whenever I wanted” “asshole”

His smile is back that’s all I need in life

MICKEY IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD

RIP DOWN THAT FLAG YES BABY

“That was big of you” “he’s an asshole...I wanna be better than that”

WHEN I TELL YALL I LOST IT I MEAN FULL ON SOBBING

YOURE ALREADY A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER THAN THAT PIECE OF SHIT

YOURE SO KIND AND BRAVE AND BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT

Ian’s like “back of the head? Gotta grab and hold my boy”

“You are so much better than that” IAN MY SWEET SON IN LAW I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR LOVING OUR BOY SO WELL

IAN IS THE MOST SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND

V spitting truth

I want terry to fucking suffer

Don’t do it frank

“Nah” LMAO

Frank loves his son in law

Sandy I love you

I need to hold her

No debbie I LOVE HER

NO SANDY LOVE ME INSTEAD

DEBBIE DOESNT DESERVE YOU

Carl scene was so awful I feel so bad for him this girl is a fucking psycho

That was an actual rape scene what the fuck

Mickey making frank laugh

Debbie explaining? Really?

I hate her

“How long is this gonna take? I’m fucking starving Lip” WHY WONT YOU CALL HIM PHILIP

“We could get on with our lives” well that hurt more than it should’ve

It’s really the end soon huh? 😢

According to captions Ian says “we’re in”

Frank reads his diagnosis

Carl goes to report his rape

That took me nearly two hours to watch. Yeah I usually pause to type but I had to take long breaks after the hard scenes. It was a really hard episode to watch. A lot darker than it has been. I’m not really okay right now. It was emotional but a really good episode overall.

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keytomythoughts · 3 years

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Perfection Imperfections | Chapter 1

Chapter Index

»»—————————————-　

Finally, summer break. It’s been a while since I was able to go home. Having to attend high school rather far from my home in Seoul, I never thought that I’d adjust to the new environment. Fortunately, I wasn’t entirely alone, since I stayed with my aunt for the four years of my high school life. School wasn’t so bad, but the homesickness is what killed it for me. Even though it was my parents' idea to send me a rather vast distance—me not being too excited about it, but I knew I wouldn’t get my way in the end—there was some good that came from it. The two only good things, actually.

I glance outside the train window, the buildings of Busan zooming past me. Sure, it may not be my home, but I won’t lie. I’m really going to miss this place. My phone suddenly vibrates in my lap, glancing down to see a text from my group chat, smiling as I respond.

(Binnie)

R u still on the train?

Yeah have been for the past like 30 mins

(Eunuwu)

Going back to ur parents? Or r u moving out?

Funny

Yk I can’t move out, at least not on my own. My parents won’t allow it

(Binnie)

What about Jaehyun?

Idk, they rlly dc what he does tbh

They’re just hell-bent on me getting into the top schools and shit

(Eunuwu)

Damn, rough

Mhm

(Binnie)

Try talking to them, u never know

They might change their minds?

Nah, I already know how it’s gonna end

Me crying and stuffing myself with pints of ice cream

(Eunuwu)

Doesn't sound so bad

(Binnie)

¬_¬

(Eunuwu)

Except for the crying part ofc

But c’mon it cant really be THAT bad

I’ve been over plenty of times, they seem nice

(Binnie)

U’ve been to her house??

�� Yeah him and oppa are friends too

(Binnie)

Righttt forgot lol

And that’s bc you were there dumbass and half of the time ur either in oppa’s room or out somewhere

Interaction with my parents = minimal

(Binnie)

That sounds awful ngl :( sorry Hyuna

But hey we should all hang soon!

(Eunuwu)

I’ll be in Seoul for the summer too so y not?

I miss y’all :’(

Ok I should be there around like 5 ish so I’ll text then

(Binnie)

Aww I miss u toooo

(Eunuwu)

*puke*

Shut up, ur just jealous

(Eunuwu)

Me? Jealous?? Of what, ur face?

Yea no thx, Ive got a great face already

And personality 0:)

Gr8, explains why ur still single

(Binnie)

LOLL

She got u there bro

(Eunuwu)

Shut up

Ur talking as if u’ve got a gf

Idiot

(Binnie)

At least I didnt reject them as coldly as u did lol

See? My point exactly

Your fAcE scared off every girl in sight bc of tht pErSoNaLiTy

I almost feel bad for them, u little heart breaker

(Binnie)

He made a couple of em cry I heard

Rlly?!?

YAH

U MORON

(Eunuwu)

Bin wtf

(Binnie)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

U JERK HOW COULD U??

Those poor girls omg

Im so kicking ur ass when I c u

(Binnie)

Me 2

(Eunuwu)

Wtf?? Y???

(Binnie)

No reason lol, just feel like it

And this is why ily Binnie

(Binnie)

:D <3

(Eunuwu)

GROSS

Can it u demon

Read 4:02 PM

I snort, turning off my phone and placing it back down on my lap as I go back to staring outside my left-hand window again. Meet Cha Eunwoo and Moon Bin, my two best friends. The only reason I got through high school how I did without major setbacks. Sure, there was the occasional homesickness and all, but had I not met these two, I probably wouldn’t have even attended and graduated.

Being so far away from the place I grew up never really suited me, and they saw it right away from day one how lonely and upset I looked. I didn't seem to fit in, especially since I skipped a grade and was placed in classes that were very advanced for me. Not that I minded the vigor, but it was hard for me to socialize, let alone make friends.

That’s when I met them. Freshman year in homeroom before my first literature class. Moon Bin, a boy with parted, coppery-golden hair accompanied by his shy, puppy-eye smile and sweet nature, offered me an empty seat next to him in class, even going as far as to share his textbook and asking how I found the school. No doubt, I was embarrassed and immensely shy, stuttering over my words and failing to meet his soft gaze. However, he didn’t make fun of me nor find me odd. All he did was smile, laughing lightly at my slightly flustered state. He stuck his hand out, introducing himself (most people just call him Moonbin or Bin) with that smile of his, thus the start of our new friendship. Since then, he became someone who always knew how to cheer me up when I was feeling down. No moment was ever dull with him by my side.

Eunwoo, the tall, brooding black-haired and charismatic student almost everyone knew (and crushed on) of, was usually with Moonbin when we hung out together, but he normally kept to himself. Though quiet and sometimes reserved with his intimidating looks, it didn’t take long for him to break the ice with us, the three of us becoming close friends. Promising to stay like this until we went to college and beyond. Regardless if we all diverge and tread different paths, we would always converge and come back to one another.

Four years flew by and graduation was upon us. Just like that, the two became like family to me, my ride-or-die duo. The two who were able to turn my world upside down, finding solace in a time where I thought it was nearly impossible for me to.

My thoughts are interrupted by my “Move” ringtone—yes, I’m a huge Lee Taemin fan—looking down at my phone again to see it’s my brother calling. I sigh, picking up the call.

“What?”

He gasps dramatically. “Is that any way to address your loving older brother after being away for so long?”

I snort, shaking my head. “Loving my ass, oppa. How are mom and dad?”

“They’re fine, living. Didn’t you tell them you’re coming home?”

“Nope, I don’t even text them that often. You already know this..”

He sighs. “Yeah, I figured.”

There’s a slight pause on his end, but he continues. “You took the three-thirty train, right? So you’ll be here around five or so?”

“Yeah, give or take.”

I look out the window again to see the endless stretch of greenery and flowing springs, sometimes even children playing in the fields. I grin mischievously, deciding to poke fun at my brother when he doesn’t respond right away.

“What, you miss me?”

He makes a sound similar to throwing up. “As if. I got so used to the peace and quiet. I’m not ready for it to go away.”

“Yah!” I realize that I had yelled a bit too loudly and eyes were now trained on me, and I bow my head in apology. I lower my voice, “You’re such an asshole.”

“Oh, I know, but you still love me anyway.”

“Shut up.”

I can hear his laugh resonate through the phone and a smile unknowingly tugs at my lips. I wouldn’t say it out loud, but it’s true. When I lived with my aunt in Busan for the duration of high school, I missed Jaehyun a lot. Though two years older than me, he didn’t seem to alienate me the way my parents do. While I hate the notion that they spoil Jaehyun endlessly and let him do as he wishes, I won’t lie and say that he was a prick about it. He could’ve been, but he never came off as selfish. I’m really close with my brother, shocking as it may be. Sibling relationships are like that—one minute you want to strangle them with their intestines and the next you’re singing duets together. Crazy, but that’s how it is for us. My parents don’t really pay me any attention, so Jaehyun decides to do that instead. Not complaining though. I’d rather take his pranking and teasing over my parents’ demands and reprimands any day.

“Aight, I’m heading out for a bit. Text me when you arrive.”

I smile again. “Will do, but make sure to get me food!”

“Let me think…” He hums, and I can practically sense the smirk on his end. “Nope. Get your own.”

“Oppa!”

Jaehyun laughs. “See you in a bit, Hyuna. Get here safely. Bye!”

He hangs up the call before I get a chance to retort, and I scoff. Typical of my brother. He knows how much I enjoy street food, and every time he goes out, it’s almost certain that most of the time he stops somewhere to eat. Did he ever bring food back? Sure, but by the time I’d get to it, most of it was gone anyways. That only lasted a little while before I had gone upstate anyways, so he had more food for himself, I guess.

As the train barrels down the tracks, I feel my heart racing in excitement, but there’s also a slight ounce of dread. I really don’t know why. I want to believe it’s because I’ve been away for too long, but part of me knows it’s the fact that I’ll have to face my parents again. Knowing that I only have two months to decide where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, I know the bitter truth is that those decisions won’t be left up to me. Last time, I was sent to Busan.

God knows where I’d be sent to now.

***

“Final destination of the KTX Busan-Seoul train at Seoul Station is approaching and will arrive at 05:30 PM. The doors to alight are on the right hand side. All passengers are requested to dismount the train upon arrival. Thank you.”

That’s my stop.

Gathering my bag and hand luggage, I patiently wait for the train to pull up at the station. Seeing the familiar shops and buildings around me makes my legs bounce up and down in both excitement and anticipation.

Four long years away from Seoul...

Before getting off, I quickly text the group chat and then my brother, letting them all know that I’ve reached safely. Side-stepping the other passengers exiting the subway doors, I carefully land onto the platform with my luggage in tow. I breathe in the air around as I stretch my arms up into the sky, the grin widening on my face.

It sure as hell feels good to be back home.

I try my best to maneuver through the crowds, but it doesn’t stop the rush of people knocking into me. At times like these, I curse my genetics for favoring my older brother instead of me in terms of height. Eventually, I come to a clearing and when my eyes glance upwards, I spot a rather familiar dark brown-haired six-foot-tall male amongst the small crowd waving me over.

“Hyuna, over here!”

I gasp, my eyes widening. “Oppa!”

He smiles as I begin walking towards him, my feet hurriedly moving across the concrete. The distance between us shortens and I abandon my luggage as he opens his arms wide.

Only for me to sucker punch him in the stomach.

He yelps in pain, grimacing as he holds his abdomen. “Shit, that hurt. What has Aunt Sua been feeding you up there? Rocks?”

I smack his shoulder, my blood slightly boiling in anger. “Yah, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?! Do you know how much money I blew off for the bus fare?”

He straightens his back before going to rub his shoulder, then behind his neck.

“Fine, fine. My bad. I wanted to surprise you, but I guess that didn’t work, did it?”

I cross my arms over my chest, huffing in annoyance. He sighs, nodding.

“Okay, okay, I’ll compensate you. Dinner’s on me.”

At this I grin, blinking excitedly. I grab onto his arm and shake it vigorously. “Really? You mean it? You’re the best, oppa!”

“Look at this brat..” he taunts, shaking his head. In a flash, he headlocks me and rubs the top of my head harshly with his knuckles, upsetting the neatly-tied auburn ponytail.

“Yah! Quit it!” I smack his arms and flail in protest, but he chuckles, saying this is what I get for cunningly finding a way to exploit him the minute I stepped back into Seoul.

What can I say? It’s a talent.

He lets go eventually, and I try to smooth down my already-tangled hair. I grumble incoherently but Jaehyun pulls me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me. His free hand gently pats the side of my head in comfort.

“Welcome home, sis.”

I stand there stiff for a second before hugging back. He squeezes me tighter and I find myself smiling into his shoulder.

“Good to be back,” I whisper.

We stand like that for a moment before he pats my back a couple of times, us pulling away from each other soon after. He reaches behind me to grab my hand luggage as he shoulders my bag. I tell him that I can carry them just fine, but he starts walking away from the platform to the parking lot. I call out after him as I run to catch up, and I can see the corners of his mouth twitch. Jaehyun leads me to his car, a sleek matte-silver convertible Mustang. My mouth drops open in shock at its stunning beauty, my body forcing itself to remain composed for the sake of avoiding public self-embarrassment.

He throws my luggage in the back seat before he turns to me, smirking at my expression. “You like it?”

“Shit, do I like it? I love it!” I run my fingers over its metallic surface, the silver exterior gleaming in the evening glow. Grinning, I stare up at my brother who catches my gaze as I stand next to the driver’s seat, my fingers already curled on the handle.

“Can I—”

“No.”

“Please—”

“Nope.”

I pout as I pull my hand away and step to the side. Jaehyun chuckles, rubbing my head playfully before getting into the driver’s seat and starting the car. The engine purrs to life as my brother pulls out his shades and wears them. He looks at me and cocks his head to the passenger seat.

“Don’t just stand there. Get in.”

Smiling, I quickly make my way over to the other side and slip into the passenger seat. I barely have time to buckle in before Jaehyun speeds off. I scream in fright, but he laughs heartily, telling me to let loose.

With the wind harshly whipping around us, I close my eyes and tilt my head upwards, absorbing the remnants of my childhood in a place I’ll always call home. A place where my heart always feels at ease.

My name is Jung Hyuna. I’m eighteen years old, and this is my story.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

#moonbin x oc #moonbin ff #moonbin fic #moon bin #cha eunwoo #jung jaehyun #astro #nct #fanfiction #my writings #mine

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yejixan · 3 years

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[ CHAN LEE, HE/THEY, NONBINARY ] — [ YE-JIN AN ] is a child of [ ZEUS ] with the power of [ ELECTROKINSES ] . they were born in [ 1997 ] and have been in nemean lion since [ 2009 ] . with the change, they [ GRADUATED FROM ] the [ BUSINESS ] role which makes sense since they’re usually [ IN THE SQUARE OR WORKING ON THEIR THIRD CUP OF COFFEE OF THE DAY ] . if you’d like to meet them try the [ SUN ] building .

putting on my clown makeup bc alphonsine was supposed to be my last muse,,,, im the biggest fool around i fear

name: ye-jin an

age: 24

pronouns: he/they

birthday: june 4th

track/job: business & the rec’s lead

sexuality: queer

ethnicity: korean

He’s the product of two selfish and irresponsible individuals, Zeus and An Hyeri. They met on a random night, both with wild and unpredictable nature. One thing led to another and he was born, no tears, just a look of annoyance. Because he had to be brought into a world where he shared the blood with two careless individuals.

He never learned of his father ( better yet, sperm donor ) since his mother didn’t know him. Not like she cared, she was such a flimsy and go with the wind type of woman that it angered Ye-Jin. Constantly coming home late, always drinking, always sleeping, such a messy person, God why him. It was like Hyeri was the child and Ye-Jin was the parent. Her complete opposite, Ye-Jin was strong willed, upfront, mature, and independent. Even as a child he caught the eye of many adults who complimented him for his maturity, saying how they wished their own children were like him. He never liked those compliments because it wasn’t like he was like this on purpose, he had to be. He much rather be outside playing with the other boys his age, he just couldn’t.

Despite his annoyance about his mother and her childish personality, he did love her and couldn’t just leave her. She was a terrible mother but she was still a good person. Her cooking was horrid but it was thought that came with it. She was never around when he got out of school but she always made sure to buy his favorite ice cream every Friday. They couldn’t always hang out but she made an effort to show up for all school events. And whenever the two were spotted in public together, everyone always believed they were more like siblings than a mother and son. Ye-Jin also felt the same way. “Ye-Jin,” she would slur his name after a night of drinking. “You’re a good kid. Mom wouldn’t know what she would do without you.”

Hyeri needed him and in a way he also needed her.

However, their relationship soon collapsed as he turned twelve. Hyeri took the next few days off to go on a camping trip with Ye-Jin. He always wanted to go on one when he was younger but never could because his mother was always working. Until that week where she promised to dedicate all of her time to him. Things were going great, the two were having fun, they were smiling and acting like a normal family. He was at his happiest moment until it transformed into one of his most tragic ones. It was a monster that showed up and attacked the two. Luckily heroes arrived to save them but only when it was too late. Hyeri had been badly injured and Ye-Jin lost his right leg.

After taking the two to the hospital, the heroes told him that he was a demigod just like them, that was why he was attacked. He figured that he was something different after an incident a month ago occurred. Where he learned of his ability on a simple accident from messing around at home with the light board. He never told Hyeri of it because he didn’t want to worry or scare her, unfortunately, he ended up doing just that. When his mother awakened and was told of this new information, she looked at her child with pure horror and fear. As if he was the monster that attacked her. He couldn’t even stay in the same room as her without her shaking uncontrollably or screaming for him to leave. An Hyeri no longer needed him but he needed her more than ever.

The heroes brought up Nemean Lion as a safe haven for him, he’ll receive protection and be surrounded by fellow demigods. He accepted it right away, only to protect his mother from any more monsters. Unfortunately he had to wait a few weeks before boarding a plane to America, a foreign place where he didn’t know the language at all. All he had were the heroes who rescued him and the Greek language that came to him naturally.

Not only that, he had to continue with his rehabilitation in America. He felt even more distant and alone throughout this process, the one parent he used to rely on no longer wanted him. Then there was his father Zeus, the bastard who cursed him. Ye-Jin believed that if it wasn’t for the God’s selfish and reckless nature, none of this would’ve happened. His mother wouldn’t be in the hospital, she would be fine and healthy. As for Ye-Jin? He wouldn’t have been born and he was okay with that. He had given up on life, there was no need for him to continue living anymore. Only one other demigod gave him the hope to keep on going, the reminder that he was needed and that Hyeri will always love him. That soon enough, others will need and love him as well.

That was all a traumatized twelve year old needed to hear before getting his life together.

Once reserved and unable to speak, Ye-Jin snapped back to his usual straightforward and organized self. He made friends, learned how to control his ability, more about the Gods, the monsters, and how to coexist without his right leg. A temporary prosthetic leg was given to him, just to see if he’ll be fine with it. At first, he didn’t wear it unless told to, he kept to the wheelchair given to him. But as the months went on, he was seen using it more before deciding on getting a permanent prosthetic leg.

Ye-Jin never left NL, he had nowhere to go and he really didn’t want to leave. He stayed there and helped out, spending his years as an RA before aiming even higher by running the rec. Some of the money he gets, he would send it to Hyeri. He hasn’t talked to her since, the last he heard of her was that she was staying with his grandparents. An urge to pick up a phone and call her was always there but never enough to actually go through with it. He’ll be fine just sending her money and keeping his distance from her.

wanted connections : :

the heroes that saved him (1/2) : : ye-jin is very much in debt of these two! they protected not only him but also his mother, so he owes them his life. in his eyes, the can do no wrong. like ever.

the demigod who gave him the will to live : : now he holds this individual on a high pedestal because when he was at his lowest, they were there for him. literally has their back no matter what

best friend / a trio : : everyone needs a best friend or two, which includes ye-jin. i just want a group who he goes to whenever he’s feeling down or exhausted because of work

demigods who are on his shit list : : he’s a perfectionist who needs everything to be in the right order, that includes everything that happens in the rec. and knowing the crazy demigods we all have, i’m sure one of them has pissed him off a few times. so he literally has their on his shit list ( it’s in his room! )

hookups : : ye-jin gets around during his freetime, he deserves it tbh

literally ANYTHING! i’m down for whatever folks

#nlintro #muse ☠ im the definition of the word masterpiece

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imaginethathaikyuu · 3 years

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How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

#ily<3 #long post

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jungxk · 3 years

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// rant

i'm jus so heartbroken rn i've been crying for the past hour i jus need to put my feelings out there, i hope it's ok w you.

my mum wakes up today and jus starts berating me bc i didnt put washed dishes into the cabinets & the kitchen looked messy for her. i'm supposed to do it bc there's nothing else i actually do but yesterday i had woken up in the evening nd they called me to pray straight away so i totally forgot about it (coupled w the fact that i dont like doing it either cuz there's always sm dishes nd it's such a hassle). she jus started scolding me senseless nd im someone who doesnt get mad easily, even if i do i tend to stay quiet bc i dont like conflict & angry emotions are ugly. but i couldnt stop it today? she kept calling me selfish nd she's been calling me that the past few days as well bc i never help out w chores or anything. she's always asking me "what do u do for this family" or "what do u do in this house" every single time nd ofc i cant say shit bc i dont. i'm doing uni online nd it's really not that easy but bc i dont talk to my family like at all, they think i'm all good. the other day i pissed them off nd my parents straight up said "why do we need to pay for ur uni ure not doing anything anyway" & i jus... i didnt even know if i even deserve to feel sad over it. they were asking me what i wanna do after uni as if im not just in my first year & when i said im not sure they got so mad and my mum purposely said "just marry her off" to push my buttons into giving them an answer. they keep saying i'm pushing them into being the worst and saying the worst to me but how is that fair? they're parents? adults? i'm jus 20 & i can control my emotions? but today really jus pushed me she got so mad at me for the littlest things nd i jus exploded. I asked her why she's mad and she's like cuz of the kitchen bla bla bla nd it got so frustrating i told her it's not my problem nd i jus wont ever eat again since all the unwashed dishes piling is my fault. nd then she got mad at me for that and scolded me. I hate being touched but mostly i hate being hit. imagine getting hit at 20 years old bc my mother is too emotionally unstable that she cant take a few seconds by herself to calm her anger down. I hate it. nd bc i said it's not my problem she came nd told me "yea it won't be ur problem when i die too! i'll make sure when i do, u never come see me." jus... what kind of parent says that? i'm so careful w what i say & i slip sometimes bc i'm human but how can a mother say that? she doesnt know anything about me. she doesn't know i dont like being hit, she doesnt know i dont like it when ppl act impulsively on emotions. sometimes i feel like i really am the problem nd that i'm really selfish. spending shit ton of money to get me to study, maybe i am selfish. i dont mind it. i know myself well enough to hate things about myself. but to have parents who barely know me as a person rather than a daughter, getting this much mad at me for smthn so simple jus makes me so sad. bc i was doing the task when she asked. she does things like this then wonders why i cant ever talk to her. entire family thinks i'm immature bc i behave exactly how they treat me. 20 years. I never ask for much. but it's starting to feel like asking to study in the uk was my greatest downfall. it feels like i dont deserve this. every day i'm itching to get away, to live alone bc they've made me feel like i can never work well in groups. it's always somehow my fault as if they havent been invalidating me nd my feelings since birth.

nd i can never tell them all these bc i'm never confident in them. i'm never confident in whether i would be accepted nd comforted without ridicule or scolding. my brother & father tell me it's like that, that jus bc i may get a scolding shouldn't stop me from being open. but what kind of stupidity is that? my mother who makes me feel like the world is ending when i accidentally break smthn, that it wasn't an accident but rather it's me nd that i jus cant do a good job— where is the comfort i can ever find coming to her w a problem?

nd bc of that we're not close. bc of that she's closer to my cousins & everyone else really. they've never concerned themselves to talking about family issues w me but when i dont know, they shame me, saying i never bother to ask— how would i know when to ask? should they be telling me when there's smthn going on?

this makes the concept of family so repelling for me. there is inherently no reason to ever have a child that isnt selfish or self fulfilling. what they do as parents is to make them feel as important nd respected as they expect from the child. but it's never like that w south asians. emotions dont exist if ure the child nd apparently getting mad is a norm nd shouldn't stop u from being emotional w someone.

at times i tell myself that i should pay back every penny my parents spent on me. bc sometimes it feels like it's being used to make me act or feel a certain way. i dont wanna feel this way. theyre my parents, i know theyre good people. but i'm so hurt by the things going on nd the things from the past. my mother invalidates me sm. she more or less kinda blamed me for feeling useless and depressed last year. my brother was telling her to go easy on me nd she got so mad & frustrated bc she didnt know what she was doing wrong. "if she feels so useless why doesnt she do anything about it?" like that was such a golden chance for her to have comforted me nd i couldve opened up? but she ruined it nd hurt me again.

last year i lived w her alone nd my dad was in our home country. I was having some troubles w him gone but i dont call or text bc... it always felt like a drag. it never felt like a conversation nd the only time it did was when i complained to him about my mum. so much shit happened between my mum and i & this person advised me to jus write some of my feelings to her. so i wrote her a long letter nd i included saying how not having my dad was hard on me too. flash forward im in my home country & w my dad. i know nobody here bc i didnt grow up here. i'm doing online uni & basically have to stay indoors cuz of covid. she brings that letter up when she was to berate me nd it jus feels so uncomfortable for me? like ok my actions dont line up but i wrote that cuz i was looking for comfort nd understanding. if i knew it was going to be held against me, i would not have done it? "u said it was so hard for u without him, so what do u even do for him here now?"— what can i do? i'm just 20 nd the situation im in is not normal? i'm grateful to be w my dad again but what can i do? &it always freaking comes down to house chores. i try my best. when our maid doesnt come i do my best w my tasks. i know it's not enough but i jus... i dont even know. ig that part of me is selfish nd lazy.

it's so suffocating here. all my feelings are bottled up nd im so scared what that would do to me in the future. but at least i know i'm too selfish to ever spend the rest of my life w someone.

sorry for the long rant. i hope this didnt ruin ur mood or anything i jus need an outlet nd ur blog jus feels so comforting nd welcoming. thank u for listening to me nd my feelings. God bless u really kssjdjsj

i’m rlly sorry this is happening to you bby. idk what race u are but this sounds so much like that asian mentality where emotions are black and white and comfort in any way is out of the question. ur still rlly young tho so ur relationship with ur parents has room to improve i promise. i think it’s rlly important for u to move out whenever u can tho bc that’s what rlly improves the relationship. having said this i do think the way your mum talks to u/treats u is emotionally and mentally abusive so whether you want to uphold that tie with her in the future is ur choice i just rlly hope u get somewhere safe and away from ur family soon x

#answered

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wrciteoff · 3 years

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⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Split them however you want among all our characters interacting. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐

For each “⭐️” I get, I’ll write a headcanon about our muses. // @xviperinae

Oh boy. Buckle in hens, we’re in for a long ride. if you thought i wasn’t going to go all out you were strongly misled. under a read more bc..... there is a lot.

Jacks & Viper

⭐️ There is VERY little that Jacks wouldn’t do for Viper. It’s been so long since he’s felt any form of connection from another person that Jacks probably clings a little too tightly to that.

⭐️ Whiskey has taken on a secret meaning between them for ‘i’m sorry’. After a fight or if the other is reopening an old wound in themselves a bottle of whiskey is soon bought to the scene. It’s not that they can’t verbalise those two words to each other but they’re both stubborn and sometimes ‘i’m sorry’ is easier to hear when it’s not said out loud.

⭐️ Jacks WOULD hide a body/cover up a crime scene for Viper. But he would also probably vomit...a lot. And pass out. And honestly at some point you’ve just got to admit that whilst the THOUGHT is there practically speaking he would just be a god damn liability.

⭐️ Because of the scarring(or rather the implications of the scars) Jacks doesn’t like holding hands. That being said Viper is the one person he will reach across and give her hand a gentle squeeze sometimes. It’s never a long touch and only on the rare occasions he feels its needed but it IS there. She’s also the one person he wouldn’t flinch his own hand away from if she reached for his.

⭐️ Jacks doesn’t realise Viper’s crush on him but if he did oh hens my heart is weak because he would be so SOFT and capable of more gentleness than he knows. it would mean so much to Jacks to let Viper know that even though he can’t return her affections in that particular way he LOVES her, completely and unconditionally. man, i get real emotional over this every time we talk about it but jUST. he loves her so much ok so v much and like a lil gentle hand squeeze when he realises and a ‘i get it. it’s gonna be tough to find someone prettier than me’ but also a ‘but god, look at you, you’re beautiful and you’re gonna find someone so much better’

Estela & Viper

⭐️ Every year for Christmas Estela goes ENTIRELY over board on decorations. Everything has to match a particular colour theme and each ornament has to reflect the light in a CERTAIN way. It is a complete ordeal that extends throughout the December months. Despite this Viper is allowed ONE decoration on the holy shrine for a tree and undoubtedly it’s like a miniature Tennessee whiskey bottle or something that she just knows Estela is going to hate. And Estela just accepts it. Because. GOD. If this isn’t the woman she loves.

⭐️ One year Viper bought Alejandro a Christmas jumper. but like, a real weird knitted turtle neck type deal with snowmen and robins on it and Estela found it the most hilarious thing she’d seen all year and every year on Christmas eve they put it this solemn 100 pound Doberman.

⭐️ Following from that with other doggy head canons, Viper is the only person Alejandro relaxes around beyond Estela. It took a fair amount of time before the guard dog realised Viper was the OPPOSITE of a threat. But now on quiet evenings he’ll even rest his giant head on her lap.

⭐️ Estela feels TREMENDOUS guilt over her feelings for Viper. Knowing that her selfishness is putting Viper’s life and health in jeopardy leaves a permanently bitter taste in her mouth.

( perhaps that’s why it’s so unfair that Vipers kisses taste so sweet. )

⭐️ Estela’s love for Viper is subtle but also entirely obvious if you know where to look. It’s in the slight shifts of movements that follow Viper’s, aware of the others motions without having to look. Or the way her gaze lingers a little too long, always captivated, hooked on whatever Viper is doing.

⭐️ cliché but Estela steals Vipers clothes...... a lot.

⭐️ Viper is the only person who can make Estela blush. And this was going to be a stand alone point because let’s face it, we love to see it. But also Viper is the only person who can make Estela snort with laughter or cry in an argument or leave her jaw aching from smiling. Viper is the only person who makes Estela act human.

Mila & Viper

⭐️ Mila finds herself drawn towards Viper’s aura whilst also being disconcerted by it. She finds it entirely difficult to get an accurate read on just who Viper is from energy alone. At some point I feel as though Mila would abandon her ‘sight’ and trust Viper for how she presents herself. Although the collateral fall out from that if Mila ever did discover Viper’s occupation would be... uh oh.

⭐️ Still kind of relating onto that point !! (my bad. it’s just a v interesting dynamic ok !!) Mila is very black and white on morality. She would/will/does trust Viper implicitly and entirely naively as an older sister figure in her life and someone she could admire and depend upon. And that black and white stance would be entirely challenged and crumbled upon realising that whilst she is safe with Viper that doesn’t mean everyone else is safe around Viper either.

⭐️ I like to think that maybe Mila’s seen little flashes of Viper in the corner of some of her visions. A strand of hair or a familiar gait. Little flickers that wouldn’t quite add up unless she knew that Viper had been at the heart of some of those deaths.

⭐️ Softer head canon to end on but Mila defo still has that umbrella. It’s one of her favourites now. Nobody tell her where Viper got it from, I mean it - NO one.

Lex & Martin

⭐️ Yeets these two in here because i am weak. but martin got to meet lex in such a rarely vulnerable state that already there is a very fragile flammable bridge of trust between them. Martin got to see lex as an actual KID. A scared little boy that wanted his mum or his dad or anyone at all. and don’t get me wrong, a huge amount of trust comes from the fact that Martin is (beautiful n lovely n too pure) gentle and just happens to be there at the right time but ALSO he sounds like the kid’s home and he sounds like safety n im gonna cry now ty

⭐️ Lex lashes out A LOT at martin before he really gets to know him. his dad always taught him that doctors were bad news and he feels exposed that the first time they met he was so vulnerable. but martin just?? responds with honesty and gentleness always and lex ??? needs that. and in a matter of months the kid looks up to him and wants to be more like him.

⭐️ lex absolutely wouldn't know how to express love especially when it borders on parental so he just leaves the weirdest gifts for martin. the WEIRDEST. a tube of fruit pastels. a dying house plant. a funky looking bone that he found the other day. the gifts make little to no sense but the fundamental binding feature is that NONE are stolen. he saves up scraps and pennies to make martin proud rather than steal something on the side.

⭐️ i know we talked about this over discord but my fave unofficial headcanon is that if/when lex ever finds out that Martin isn’t technically Scottish his brain would just ??? implode. the singular brain cell would just ... frazzle. would pretend to understand but the inside of his brain would just be ( X )

#;;xviperinae #praying that this readmore works bc i will weep if it hasnt #ok but it is shocking and tragic bc i couldve kept going. c'mon jamie u gotta find your chill here #(Jacks&Viper;; Im fine being a person because I got to meet you.)#(Estela&Viper;; So tell me why my Gods look like you.)#;;lex;headcanons #;;mila;headcanons #;;estela;headcanons #;;jacks;headcanons

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alanncs · 4 years

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hello all ! my name’s dani , i’m one of the main admins & i can’t tell u how excited i am to have wealthy up n running again ! i can’t wait to plot with all you beautiful peoples , pls like this & i’ll slide in the dms , otherwise u can also hit me up on discord 𝟞𝖌𝖔𝖉♡#1958 !! i’m gonna put all you need 2 know about alanna below aaand i hope y’all like her ! <3

new york’s very own alanna deniro was spotted on broadway street in gucci bee sneakers . your resemblance to hailey baldwin is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty first birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being reticent , but also gracious . i guess being a scorpio explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be anything pink , the lingering smell of weed , and a cigarette between her fingers . & ( cisfemale & she/her ) + ( dani , 20 , she/her , est . )

☇ ❪ ˚･ﾟ ❛ backstory !! tw: kidnapping , ransom , drugs

alanna was born heir to the deniro family , which came with the billion dollar dynasty that her father created - hotels , stores , brands , cars , etc . anything u could think of really

she grew up accustomed to the spotlight, having no choice when it came to that considering her family had been in it for decades

she had everything handed to her on a silver platter and her parents expected nothing but success from her because of how wealthy they were, they knew they would never have to worry about providing for her and her siblings , and so they spoiled her with whatever she asked for and more

but that came with a price, she was expected to do everything they wanted of her, go to an ivy league college, follow in one of her parent’s career footsteps

alanna did just that, she got amazing grades in high school and was head of many student clubs, organized prom, got almost perfect on sat’s and exams, and busted her ass to get into a good college despite the fact that her parents could’ve easily gotten her a spot if she didn’t do as well as she did

her life was going so well, she had the perfect boyfriend, perfect group of friends, was on her way to brown university in a couple of months, her parents and her couldn’t have been in a better spot with their daughter

the last thing they expected was for someone, a stranger, to get their hands on their daughter . a week after her 18th birthday , she’s walking to school on a monday morning and before she knows what’s happening , there’s something over her head and she’s being dragged into a van and taken from her life

the one thing that was expected, was the $10 million ransom she was held for

they kept her for 48 hours before her parents were able to work with the authorities to get her returned and pay the people in full

once alanna was returned, she wasn’t the same

she told the police what happened to her , but only barely . she didn’t tell her parents or anyone else about what they did to her when she was gone .

she didn’t speak , eat or sleep for two weeks after she got home

she spent the last few months of her high school in bed, she didn’t attend her graduation, deferred from going to brown in the fall, she didn’t see her friends anymore and she broke up with her boyfriend

the people who took her were caught about 8 months later on another charge and that was the first time she felt safe since . it took her months to be able to get back to doing normal things again and being who she was before

to this day , alanna still struggles with the memories and the ptsd from what happened to her , but she doesn’t speak to anyone about it and she refuses to bring it up in any scenario

some people know about it as obviously, being as famous as her family is, it was on the news at the time, and everyone she went to high school with knew what happened so sometimes it can be hard to avoid it

she wants to forget - here comes her secret - she got into drugs after the kidnapping and it quickly spiraled out of control , now she can’t seem to function without them because they’re the only thing that make her feel normal and make the memories fade

anything she can get her hands on rly

but the media think she’s an angel , her reputation has been kept p much pristine her whole life . and her parents have no clue how much she’s struggling . so if this were to come out , it would tarnish not only alanna’s reputation but her family’s as well

☇ ❪ ˚･ﾟ ❛ personality !!

after deferring from brown , alanna knew she had to find some way to keep herself occupied and make money , even though she could live off her parents for however long she wanted

alanna wants to be . miss independent .

she gets her worth ethic from her father

so she started getting into modelling , first it was small stuff , then she got on instagram and things went really well from there

she was able to book gigs like adidas , guess , calvin klein etc !

so that was super exciting for her bc she got really into it and enjoyed doing it sm

i’m definitely gonna expand on her career as we move along in the rp bc i have so many ideass !! fnsds

oko so in high school alanna was super bubbly , and just like the really overly nice girl that would talk to literally every 1

but it worked for her bc she was voted prom queen and valedictorian ! even tho she missed graduation . yike

Anyway now ! she is not v much like that anymore , except when she’s super high .

since her kidnapping alanna has been closed off and aloof . in general , she’s not as talkative

she says what she thinks but it usually comes in one word mumbles

can sometimes b very entertaining . she’s kinda like paris hilton a little bit

also think Marissa from the oc !!

call her a spoiled brat she’s gonna be like “ yah... and ?”

she can be very selfish to a fault in certain situations

and very defensive if she feels attacked, judged , put into a corner , physically cornered , etc

she’s a hopeless romantic at heart and dreams of having an epic love story

but she has Hella trust issues which easily lead to commitment issues for her so ... she will cheat “by accident” lol

that’s why she tries to steer clear of relationships but she also has such a big heart she falls in love 5 times a day sffsdkj

also w how much this girl can sleep around it’s not happening any Time soon 4 her ! she enjoys being single a lot

Bc she likes to get wild

shes like nicole richie on the simple life when she’s partying lmao

like she likes 2 fuck with ppl sometimes lol , like she will flirt w anyone and everyone just cus she’s bored

umm she lives in sweatpants n crop tops !

her hair is either in a bun or just down , she’s rly lazy when it comes to hair and makeup . like if her makeups done someone else did it lol

Unless she’s like fully in the mood

um ya idk im always developing her but IF U read all this ilysm !

here’s her pinterest board for more of an idea !

☇ ❪ ˚･ﾟ ❛ wanted connections !!

EVERYTHING !! hehe . i have a wc page right here & there’s a wanted tag linked there as well so pls gimme all <3

#wealthyhq:intro

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nvrissa · 5 years

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hello laid ease and furries ( u know who u are )......hahaha....are u ready for this ? zimzalabim ! my name is xan ( she/her pronouns ) and my laptop has been broken for a good 3 years now i have to use an onscreen keyboard so if u see me typing for 20000 years on discord only to send u a single sentence u know whats up x JSDBJWBJW here is the intro....im really winging this no one call me out for that WOOO....tw: medication, mental health, body image ? perhaps just to be safe <3

ok ! so im not gonna talk too much abt family stuff bc yuno and i are doing the collab of the century here and art takes time people ! JSBDJBWDJW but so u get a good idea...i will write a little abt it lets get it

so the kwons were two of the biggest faces in hollywood ( and tbh they are still considered icons / hollywood royalty no matter how old they get they stay #Relevant ) think bradgelina ! literally everyone knows who the kwons if u dont u probably live under a rock /:

their parents are very into the fame thing...so when it came to their kids ( nari and wolfe ) they SUPER pushed the famous life onto them, really expecting both of them to be just as obsessed and enamored by the public. idk if u guys ever say that vid of gigi and bella hadid before they were huge were their mom was pressuring them both to get into modeling and to stay skinny and to be stars etc....it was kinda like that !

so narissa, being the first born, really just internalized that shit...like imagine being told ever since u were a baby that fame and status and ur last name are wildly important and not being able to remember a time when u werent being watched by cameras / a third party ( the public ) bc that was her life ! nari has....no experience as to what life is like without cameras and without having to create this image of herself that ppl are gonna be into

obviously that’s NOT normal....and it had it’s toll on her /: as a kid she grew up so fast like u know those kids that seem so mature and wise for their age ? that was nari. she always had two versions of herself: inside nari vs outside nari. she was so good at being good just bc she knew what stuff to express and what stuff to keep inside ( spoiler alert: most of it was kept in x )

she is still very much desperate to please her parents despite it all /: i feel like for a long time she kinda excepted and agreed that fame is everything ( hence why shes known for using her last name to get her places ) but shes starting to realize just how FUCKED it all is and just how much it’s messed her up so stay tuned for more fun !

ok so career stuff ! nari started off as a child model bc she was um super cute and super good at knowing what to do / not freaking out in front of cameras <3 but she was always obsessed with actors ! she used to sit in front of the tv for hours legit study and memorize ppls mannerisms and various movie lines.. she was literally always just quoting random lines / imitating various actors so often her parents were like ok word go act !

she landed her first role at 12 and it was a pretty huge role as a lead chara in a mini television series that revolved around a cast of kids ( think stranger things but not plot wise just how some of the mains were kids ) with zero acting experience before hand ... so it was pretty clear to the media nari got the spot bc she was a kwon ! there was a bunch of controversy around the show before it came out but once it was released...there was no denying nari had talent

after that it was just a whirlwind of acting doors opening up for her. everyone wanted nari bc of her last name and all the attention that came from it, not to mention every director wanted to be The One that helped narissa kwon become one of the most famous actresses of the 21st century. most of the time she was getting cast for selfish reasons but nari never realized it /: she was just happy to be acting bc it really was like therapy for her to become different ppl

flash forward to age 15 when narissa was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and was prescribed meds to help ! it was actually a director from a movie she was working on that suggested to her parents nari might be struggling after witnessing her have a panic attack on set. not wanting a scandal, her parents agreed it was best to get her “help” which included pills and weekly therapy !

so nari actually didnt mind it too much tbh she HAD been struggling for a while she just assumed her anxiety was normal and just like something all famous ppl were dealing with but that wasnt the case. she was hesitant to open up to her therapist just bc she was still obsessed with this idea of inside nari vs outside nari, and she was very scared to cross that line so it took....years of sessions to build up that trust

as she got older though and as she got more famous, everyone just assumed she was better. she was more famous and loved by the day, she had become a chanel ambassador ( thank u jennie x ), her interviews on youtube always brought in record views, she’d started in plenty of movies critics agreed would become cult classics, her social medias were nearing kardashian level in terms of followers: everything was on track....

....except nari had actually never been more unstable. she had become so dependent on her meds she couldnt go anywhere or talk to anyone without popping a few in. all the watching eyes were starting to make her paranoid, not to mention the pressure from her parents ( who couldn’t be happier with nari being so famous ) was at its all time high. she had been nominated for an oscar at 21 and everyone was expecting her to win...and then she didnt

narissa kwon famously fainted at the 2018 oscars after it was announced she had lost the award. her actual fainting wasnt caught on camera or televised, but it WAS witnessed by some of the most relevant names and faces in hollywood who were in that room. the scandal took the media by storm, the hashtag #getwellnarissa trending for over 42 hours until a statement was released she had fainted bc of dehydration and other undisclosed causes and that she was okay & currently taking it easy at home surrounded by family

in reality it was the abuse of her medication as well as all the stress, but when your last name is kwon manipulating the press is as simple as making the right phone call. unfortunately for nari and her parents, the article about the brat pack came out a week later, and there was no manipulating that source /:

for narissa, it was all a wake up call. she decided to go off her anxiety meds altogether. after falling out with the brat pack she spent that year trying to figure out who she was separate from her fame and her last name. despite some offers from a few casting directors ( surprisingly some people still wanted her despite the scandals bc she was still a kwon, after all ) narissa rejected every role except one in a coming of age indie movie that explores womanhood and mental health as well as strained relationships with mothers. the movie is set to release sometime mid august hehe (~:

she agreed to come to milan to reunite with the brat pack bc she’s still searching for herself ! nari figures the people who quite literally grew up with her might give her some answers......not to mention there is still a part of her who is desperate to reclaim the image and status she had before everything fell apart </3

PERSONALITY/TIDBITS

narissa is....complicated to say the least. growing up in front of the cameras and in a family who prioritized fame and outside opinions of you as the most important thing, she is quite literally desperate for praise and approval. because she legit has no idea what parts of her are real and what parts of her she’s created for her public persona, she often looks for understanding in others!! shes very very good at analyzing people and understanding people in the hopes that its gonna make her better at analyzing herself, but to no avail.

libra sun capricorn moon !! THIS is super accurate and telling if u wanna read but i kinda just summarized it in the last bullet

she is such a perfectionist with everything she does and a bit of a control freak in the sense that if she’s not the one doing something, she doesnt have faith whatever that is will be able to live up to her unrealistic standards. directors are often concerted with nari bc whenever she gets big roles.....she is so hard on herself, often asking for take after take bc she monitors every little thing abt her expression or her movements. she’s often left frustrated and disappointed with herself bc again, her standards are SUPER unrealistic ):

she’s relatively sweet!! growing up with the brat pack they probably knew her as the life of the party, very bubbly, confident, and very easy to have fun with as long as you’re being tolerable. however, she can get kind of opinionated at times so it’s very hard for you to gain her trust and respect back if you lose it. she’s also prone to random mood swings / periods of isolation, but whenever she returns its with a big smile and a soft voice assuring you everything is okay

very good at lying and deceiving ppl but she hardly ever does it on purpose ( unless her publicists asks her too ). she’s carried this persona / public image of herself curated for consumption from others for so long, sometimes she has no idea when she’s being sincere or if she’s just convincing herself she’s being sincere. most of the time she only deceives other people about herself. she can come across as kind of elusive because of this ( think daisy from gatsby’s perspective ) but it’s not on purpose. she just legit has no true sense of self isnt that sexy?

speaking of sex. JWDBJWBDJWBD she also uses that as a coping mechanism / a weird affirmation that yes, she IS wanted by others and yes she IS seen as someone beautiful and that she IS something to be consumed by others ( like i said in my tags....male fantasies male fantasies ) but then at the same time she feels guilty abt this and so unsatisfied and disgusted at how she’s living her life as an object / manifestation of other people’s projections rather than as a normal person...rip </3 its a cycle

ever since her relationship with micah that was so hated by the public it actually ruined and ended their relationship, nari has been too scared to publicly have a relationship again. the media seems to love seeing her on casual dates with other stars, but not to see her tied down to one person, as that kind of “damages” this super accessible persona she’s put out ( think idols and why they cant date )

she loves poetry, french music, all of marilyn monroe and audrey hepburn’s movies, nonfiction essays abt womanhood and identity, anything chanel, is particularly fond of silk dresses but is partial to velvet as well, wears lacy bralettes under everything bc it makes her a little more confident, actually prefers large parties to small ones because small gatherings are more personal therefore give her more anxiety, would only eat fruit and drink champagne if she could live like that, doesn’t know how to swim so she’s scared of the ocean as well as the dark, used to study ballet as a kid and misses it terribly, doesn’t know how to drive and isn’t planning to learn, can be materialistic at times, is probably an introvert masquerading as an extrovert for 22 years now, the only movies she cant stand are westerns, loves to travel but is scared of flying, doesn’t drink coffee, and is allergic to nuts.

last but most important fact about narissa is that she loves her brother wolfe more than anything in this world so messing with him is the only way nari is bound to 100% hate you. she can bully him all she wants ( ex. starting very real rumors he IS in fact a furry ) but no one else is aloud to actually be mean to him or she will kill you

also very random but i had a hc that when she was 6 and her pet cat jinx died she caused enough fuss at home her parents actually made it a national holiday in about thirteen different states. the anniversary of this death is december 4th and yes . the brat pack better mourn jinx with nari every year......

pls spare plots im sorry this is so long.....JBDJBWJDBWJBWDJBJ i promise it will be worth it also im sensitive and very small ... how can u say no ?

#bratsintro #╰ ♡ . 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒔 ── ooc !#yes this tag is inspired by the margaret atwood quote....bc i am Literally haunted by it #so is nari x #also this gif ? inspired by her furry brother<3 #this intro is a whole mess pls . plot with me anyway ?#THIS IS RIDICULOUSLY LONG HOLY SJBWJBJWBDJW yea i...am so sorry oy my god

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malfaiiths-blog · 5 years

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knowing you’ll never have to work a day in your life, feeling most comfortable in a dim room surrounded by grimoires, slicked back hair with hair ribbons, a flawless smirk, an even more perfect sneer, a dark secret and a darker future. ┊ if you’re looking for LUCIUS MALFOY, you’ll probably find HIM in the SLYTHERIN dorm with the rest of the SEVENTH years. they’re the TWENTY year old PUREBLOOD who looks kind of like AUSTIN BUTLER. they seem CALM, CLEVER, and RESOURCEFUL to me, but apparently they’re also EGOTISTIC, ARROGANT and VINDICTIVE. maybe that’s why their patronus is FOX.

hey gang!! i’m sam and i use she/her pronouns. my timezone is est! if you want to plot or just chat or anything feel free to hit me up on discord !! anyways lucius is my babey and im very excited to join and to play him !!

BASIC INFO

full name: Lucius Abraxas Malfoy birthday: November 14 sexuality: Heterosexual? hahahahh.... idk gender/pronouns: cis male, he/him age: 20 house: Slytherin year: Seventh wand: His personal, childhood wand is hawthorn, 13 inches, with a unicorn tail hair. His family’s heirloom wand is 128inches, Elm, dragon heartstring, and he inherited it from his father on his 17th birthday. boggart: His father yelling at him, disappointed in him. patronus: Fox

CONNECTIONS

best friend - so like lucius needs a bestie. he just does. they kinda have to be a pureblood bc lucius is a fantastic racist. also slytherin would be preferable but not necessary, ravenclaw would also work.

ex - girlfriend - ok so like idk why but i feel the need to give lucius an ex for angst reasons i guess. or maybe they still get along and things are just weird IDK LOL. anyways. have to be a pureblood. could be any house I GUESS.

rival - i need someone who lucius just .... NEEDS TO BE BETTER THAN. this boy needs some competition. is it friendly competition, or do they hate each other’s guts? let’s find out.

SINCE IM BAD AT WRITING BIOS HERE’S WHERE I JUST WORD VOMIT ABOUT LUCIUS UHHHH

APPEARANCE

With slicked blonde hair, grey eyes, pale skin, chiseled cheekbones, and a prominent jaw, it's hard to mistake Lucius for anything other than a Malfoy.

His hair goes through different styles of long, short, tied back, slicked back, as long as it never looks unruly.

He stands at six feet tall, with a bit more leg than torso, and up straight is how he usually stands, with perfect posture that has been instilled in him since childhood.

Though not one to show much of himself off, he does stay somewhat toned from the quidditch he plays, both at home with childhood friends and in school –– though what he pays more attention to is the creases on his eyes, from spending much more time reading.

Lucius dresses rather sharply, as he thinks anyone with his kind of funds should.

When not in his school robes, he wears the finest linen shirts, dress pants, and dress shoes. However, due to his prefect duties, as well as a large schedule of N.E.W.T. level classes, he is more often than not in his school robes.

He also often keeps his wand out at his side, rather than in his pocket, in order to show it off –– this is similar to how he typically wears a ring with his family’s emblem on it on his right ring finger.

PERSONALITY

There is much to say about Lucius’ egotism. There’s few who are more selfish and more proud of themselves than he is, but if you ask him, he has every reason to be. He is of the highest class, he is dedicated, he works hard, he is a top-student with some of if not the highest marks in school, and he is heir to a very important family –– he has every reason to be as egotistic as he is, as well as proud of who he is and what he has done.

He is also very dedicated to maintaining who he is and maintaining his place as rightful heir, therefore dedicated to school, and to his family and his other responsibilities.

The boy is also calm, dependable, and good at showing little emotion or animation. He can keep himself from letting his temper get the best of him for the most part, as well as hiding his true emotions, even if doing so may lead to being deceptive; perhaps especially if doing so results in being deceptive.

He also has great ability to find quick and clever ways to overcome difficulties. There is not much that can get in his way that can truly interfere with his plans.

HISTORY

Lucius was born in the Malfoy Manor in Wiltshire, England on November 14, 1959. As the first and only son to Abraxas Malfoy, he became the heir to one of, if not the most influential and respected families in the wizarding world.

His education began at a young age, with his parents carefully teaching him all that he needed to know before he would eventually become a student at Hogwarts.

These lessons included languages, broom-riding, arithmetic, and etiquette.

He also spent much time being around children, reading books, and engaging in other activities all carefully selected by Abraxas to ensure the raising of a proper heir.

Soon enough, his education continued at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the same place his own father went.

As a student, he carried on his family legacy by being housed with Slytherin, where numerous like-minded young idealists would also be found.

None to his nor his family’s surprise, Lucius proved to be a rather skilled wizard and a strong student. Abraxas and Pheobe were proud of the consistently high marks he had been receiving, and he was happy to have achieved what was expected of him.

Thanks to his hard work, he was made a prefect in his fifth year, which showed the efforts he put into appearing a model student in the eyes of his teachers.

Over this past summer, Lucius has noticed a few shady figures frequenting his house and speaking to his father more and more often, and has overheard conversations of dark subject. He would have been a fool not to suspect the upcoming war for blood purity, but he did not know that he would be so closely tied to it.

After questioning his father, the truth of what was coming up had been unveiled to him, as well as an expectation from his father that Lucius himself enlist for the cause and become part of the Dark Lord’s inner circle.

Now, as he is entering his seventh and final year at Hogwarts, it is truly the only place he can feel safe, as he makes the decision of what he must do next for his life.

#epoch.intro

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irl-dogboy · 5 years

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i have no friends to talk to so im gonna rant under the cut ignore this lmao

i dont feel comfortable anywhere.

like.. i don’t have a bed i like to sleep in. it doesn’t have sheets on it. it’s an awful mattress, it sinks down to the point where i wake up and can’t move bc my back is fucked. i don’t have a dovet, i sleep under blankets fit for a sofa. i don’t have a space to call my own. my room looks like a storage room, because that’s what it is. i have speakers that i can’t use, i have an extra desk that my parents couldn’t afford to throw away. my cupboard is full of things that aren’t mine. i own my school uniform and like 3 outfits. i own one fucking pair of pants and they don’t! even fit me! i dont like asking for money for things like clothes and decor because the answer is always “we dont have enough money for luxuries! dont be selfish!” and i dont get it because both of my fucking parents have ipads and the newest fucking iphones. despite being the right age to get a job im not allowed to get one, im not allowed to open a paypal so i can maybe get a commission every so often. i dont even know why. they dont fucking tell me.

and like,, i dont have anywhere or anybody to talk to about this shit! school friends would never fucking understand because theyre all a bunch of rich kids who think of me as a joke. im a dumbass who isolates himself from his online friends so i cant just be like “lol we havent talked since i disappeared when i found out im going deaf help my life sucks” because who fucking DOES that? not me! my parents are procrastinating getting me a fucking psychologist for GOD KNOWS WHAT fucking reason, maybe they really do just think this is a phase. they refuse to talk about anything related to my transgenderism until it pushes their fucking political agenda or makes them LOOK GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mum, at home, behind closed doors: hey deadname

also my mum, arguing with people online: as a supportive parent of a transgender child blahblahblah

also my mum, to my school: yeah haha we’re getting there HE’s such a good BOY isnt that right NATE this has been hard on all of us but especially ME

i regret coming out so fucking much. if i could go back in time and tell myself anything it wouldnt be “do ur schoolwork” or “dont die” it would be “dont come out because every fucking aspect of your life is going to be so much fucking harder” and i get it! some of it is me being a lazy cunt! yea! but its also everybody else being a lazy cunt! my entire family? deadnaming for days! my parents? “we know you need therapy we’ll call them later” and then what do they do??? yeah not call them later. since i came out my previous psychologist DROPPED me and i get it but i NEVER talked about that shit and i wouldn’t talk about that shit bc i know shes not qualified to deal with that!! and i get it but fuck its so annoying and im weak and im a fucking asshole and i dont want to exist!!

i just dont get why my parents had me. like. my dads an alcoholic and a fucking coke addict, and yeah, he works 70 hours a week and supplies everything for our family, but hes also a fuckign criminal whos had me ASSAULTED before and thats a whole other fucking thing! and he’s trying to turn my sister and i against my mum and i DEFINITELY see why because she literally does nothing but smoke weed and do coke herself but fuck i am so tired of hearing about their shit all the fucking time! call me selfish, i would agree, but they blame me and my sister for all of their problems, and whenever me or my sister call them out on their shit they immediately go for the “we’re your PARENTS” or “im mentally ill and im an addict you know this” like yeah i do but i also know that YOU’RE NOT TRYING TO HELP YOURSELF DESPITE HAVING TWO KIDS THAT FUCKING DESPISE YOU

i just want a normal fucking family man. a normal life, really!! i want a dad that has some dumb manly hobby like woodwork or fishing and i wanna do lame things with him. i want a mum that i get along with. a sister that i fight with sometimes but its ok because im still there for her! protective big brother style! and i want them to be there for me and i want to feel safe in my own fucking house. i want a bed that i can sleep comfortably in. i dont wanna be who i am. i wanna be normal. i dont wanna have to deal with dysphoria and wanting to die every time i look in the mirror or shower or speak or do anything. friends that i feel like i could talk to. i would die just to be a cis girl or better a cis boy and just live my life without worrying about all of that shit. i want my depression to go away or take a fucking break or something. i hate it so much.

god this is long im so sorry for anybody who made the mistake of choosign to read this

#vent post #drug mention #dysphoria is a bitch and i hope she burns #goatmanetc

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dacresprincess-blog · 6 years

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Consimilar / Part 2

PART 1

First of all a big shoutout and thank you to everyone who read it and everyone who left me any kind of feedback, no matter if it was in form of a reblog,like or comment. I appreciate every single one of you and my heart is literally going to burst from how much love I received.

Also a happy new year! I knew we still have a day to go but this year im hosting my familys new years party so I´ll be pretty busy tomorrow and the day after. To everyone, stay safe! Be aware of your surroundings and have fun!

Summary: Y/N is a bad girl and when she finally sees Billy the new bad boy in town she has to have him. What happens when two hard shells see eachothers soft insides?

Warnings: swearing? slight dirty thoughts, maybe grammar bc i didnt proofread

Words: 2,3k ish

A/n: I hope you guys enjoy! Im still trying everyday to improve my writing and find other words to describe surroundings and make it more vivid so again any kind of feedback is appreciated! Have fun reading!

After her last class ended, Y/N made her way outside to meet up with Steve and Nancy, yet they were nowhere to be seen but Billy was leaning on his car with a cigarette in his mouth. She watches him as he blew the smoke out of his mouth, fighting her thoughts about everything else his mouth could do.

Y/N intentionally walked closer past him than she needed, to catch his attention. Right when she past him, acting as if she didn’t see him and pretending to look for Steve’s car, she hears his voice.

„Wanna take a ride with me, princess? “, he asks and lets out another smoke cloud out of his mouth. Y/N stops and smiles to herself but then neutralizes her facial expression and turns around.

She looks past Billy, who was smirking that she actually reacted, at his car and eyed it up and down, it was a nice car, but she knew better than to compliment him on it.

“Waiting on someone?”, Y/N asks stepping closer to him and now looking up at him. He was definitely a head, if not more, taller than her.

“Waiting on you princess “, he replies, taking his last puff from his cigarette before tossing it across his car and then leans back on his car. Y/N rolls her eyes and without answering starts to turn around to walk away from him. “Come on princess. You’ll take a ride you will never forget”, he says putting his hands into the pockets of his denim jacket which made his broad shoulders look even stronger and more muscular than they probably already were.

She sighs and turns around now standing 3 feet away from him. “Billy Billy Billy”, she shakes her head. “I thought I made it clear enough that I’m not the type of girl that you’re used to. “

Billy’s facial expression changed at her words. He clenched his teeth together making his jaw look more prominent and Y/N sweared she could even see a vein in his neck pulsating. He didn’t think that Y/N would turn the tables so fast and simple.

Billy groaned. He tried to find his words to smooth out the situation. He didn’t want to make Y/N feel cheap or compare her to any of the other girls, he knew that she was different and apparently, she made sure everyone knew about it. „I didn’t meant... “, Billy started to speak but was interrupted.

„Y/N! “, both hear a loud voice ring through the parking lot. Billy looks up over Y/N`s head and Y/N turns around to see Steve standing at his car with the keys in his hand. Y/N turns around and looks up at Billy.

“Well I would love to conversate a little longer with you Billy Hargrove but duty calls”, she says and motions with her head over in Steve’s direction. Y/N turns around and quickly walks over to Steve who already sat down in his car and started the engine before she opened the door and plopped down in her seat.

Y/N looks over to Steve and sees him shaking his head. “What Harrington? “, she smirks knowing that he was mad at her for not listening. “I told you to stay away from him Y/N”, he sighs and backs out of the parking lot.

“And yet here you are talking to him, not once but twice in one day”, he says stressing every word carefully, thinking Y/N would eventually understand it better. He drives out of the parking lot and Y/N looks out of the window and watches the ginger girl skate towards the blue Camaro.

Steve kept talking about how bad of an influence Billy was, but all Y/N could think of was how his blue eyes looked like the ocean she would love to just drown in. “...he just not the ...the love bird kinda guy”, Steve says pulling up to Y/N’s house. “Wait...speaking of love birds...where’s Nancy?”, Y/N asks completely ignoring everything Steve had just said to her. Steve stops the engine and Y/N watches him fidget with the keys. “Uh, she had...she had a club or something she had to go to “, he answers not looking Y/N in the eyes. Y/N sighs and then smiles putting her hand on Steve’s shoulder.

She could always tell if he was lying, not because she knew him for literally 10 years but because he was so damn bad at it.

But then again, she also was aware of the fact that Steve hated it when Y/N knew something she wasn’t supposed to, so she just let it slide this time and didn’t wanted to kick him when he was already down.

“Thanks for driving me home Stevie “, she simply said and plants a kiss on his cheek. She grabbed the door handle and was about to step out of the car when Steve grabbed her arm.

She looked back into his eyes and saw his soft face. “Y/N promise me you don’t get involved in a situation where you’ll end up hurting.”

Y/N smirks back at him. “Steve, I promise. I’m just having fun. I just need a bit of change in my boring life.”

She steps out of the car and closes the door behind her. Then makes her way to her front door and opens it. She hears Steve start his engine and turns around to see him drive away.

It was later in the evening and Y/N was sitting in her room and doing a bit of school work that she missed while she was absent.

Suddenly she hears a door slam shut and rolls her eyes because she already knew what was coming.

She prepares herself mentally to hear another round of screaming and hitting walls from her parents who were always busy working and away on “work trips” but once both of them were home at the same time it was a total mess.

She gets up and locks her door and then goes to push the play button on her stereo system but only puts the volume on medium, if it was too loud her dad would also come and slam on her door. She rolls her eyes when she hears the topic of today’s fight between her parents. Both accused the other of cheating, which was actually the truth but only Y/N knew for sure.

Still both of them were to proud and selfish to just file for a divorce because „that’s not how you handle tough situations in this family. “ They were going on for a good hour and Y/N keeps on trying to refocus on her homework, but it just doesn’t work. „And that girl up there is probably not even MY daughter, right? “, her dad screams. It was quiet for a bit and Y/N listens to what her mom would answer because this isn’t the first time her dad had accused her of foisting a child on him. The silence was interrupted by her mom shouting back at her dad about how he was changing the subject.

Y/N rolls her eyes and sighs and then goes to open her window, she couldn’t stand to listen to their repetitive argument anymore. She steps on the roof of the house and walks to the end, from there it was an easy jump down since it wasn’t too high up anymore and also it wasn’t her first time doing it. She steadies herself on her feet and then walks quietly to the street. She was furious and mad and everything you could imagine.

Her parent’s argument was replaying over and over in her head. It was just too much for her, there was not a place in this world she could call home, where she could go to and be appreciated and loved for what she is. She was furious, and tears started to well up in her eyes, not because she was sad but because everything was so damn stupid. “How could...How...uuuggh.”

She was talking silently to herself and was too frustrated to realize a car stopped a few feet in front of her. She passes the car when she suddenly hears a familiar voice call.

“Hey Princess.” Y/N takes a deep breath trying to decide what to do, she slows down in her walking but then continues at her normal pace again.

The engine of the car starts and slowly moves beside her. The window of the passenger side was rolled down and Billy was calling after her.

“Princess slow down.” Y/N was so furious when she got out of her house that she forgot her jacket and now that she cooled down a little bit and was distracted by Billy, she realized how cold it actually was.

“Come on, you’ll freeze your cute little ass off.”, Billy said making Y/N stop in her tracks. Y/N sighs and argues with herself quickly before deciding that she would rather spend time with him than risk getting a cold. She opens the door of his car and throws herself in. “Why are you out here all alone princess? “, Billy asks and starts to drive. “I just like to cool down the temperature of my body to match my heart you know? “, she answered back sarcastically making Billy chuckle. Billy wasn’t asking anymore questions after he saw that her eyes were teary and her nose was all red and sniffly, he realized that she wasn’t in the most talkative mood and didn`t mind because he wasn’t either.

Both of them were silent but it wasn’t an awkward silence, it was actually soothing. The radio was on and music was playing while Y/N looked out the window, yet she noticed how Billy kept glancing at her.

“Take a pic Hargrove it’ll last longer “, she groans making him chuckle. “Just wondering why you won’t tell me your name “, he shrugs and focuses back on the road.

It caught Y/N off guard because she didn’t think that he would still think about that, she actually thought that he would ask her again why she was out alone. Y/N smirks and then turns her head to look at him.

His left hand was steering while his right hand was lightly grabbing the stick. The sleeves of his denim jacket were rolled halfway up, and Y/N could see a few veins pop out because they were so muscular.

But she also noticed a few darker patches on his arms and a few fresh scratches, she brushed it off not thinking much about it and then her eyes wander to his face. His eyes were focused on the road and his eyelashes were so long and thick that one would think he was wearing eyeliner. His shirt was half-buttoned up exposing his chest and the locket laying on it.

Still there was something off about this look. He looked different from what he usually looked like. Also, his hair was messier than it normally was, and Y/N could tell that it wasn’t intended to look like that.

„Why do you need to know? “, Y/N asks quickly before he would notice that she was staring at him now. Billy chuckles.

„I just like to know the people I’m picking up off the streets in the middle of the night and drive them around, you know? “, he chuckles. Y/N scoffs.

“You don’t have to drive me around I was fine walking by myself Billy.” She goes to grab the handle of the door pretending as if she would get out before Billy leans over and grabs her arm stopping her.

He laughs softly, and Y/N turns her head to look at him. Both of their eyes meet, and Billys face was closer to her face than she had expected.Both swallow and Billy presses down on the break making the car stop abruptly.

Suddenly Y/N notices a dark patch under Billy’s right eye. Billy was too focused to look into her (y/e/c) eyes when Y/N puts her hand on his face.

“What happened? “, she asks quietly. Billy takes a deep breath and clenches his jaw then pulls back and sits back down in his seat turning his left side of his face away from Y/N.

“Nothing “, he mutters quietly. Y/N narrows her brows and looks at his hands again. His knuckles were clean, and Y/N knew that he wasn’t just in a fight besides today in school he hadn’t had the bruise yet.

“Billy”, Y/N says quietly and straightens herself up in the car and turns her whole body towards him, now sitting sideways in the seat.

“I got into a fight what else do you think?!”, Billy said with his voice getting louder by every word. Before Y/N could ask anything else he starts driving again. “Where to?”, he asks aggressively pressing down on the gas pedal making Y/N fall back in her seat a little bit.

Y/N takes a deep breath and gives him the directions he had to drive. He pulls a cigarette out of the box and holds it up to Y/Ns face. “You mind?”, he asks before putting it between his lips. Y/N shakes her head and Billy gets out his lighter and lights the end of his cigarette while driving. Y/N watches him as he rolls down the window and lets out a smoke cloud out of the window.

The car ride was silent, and the air was filled with lots of questions for Y/N, but she didn’t want to ask him anymore since he also didn’t ask her anything and she appreciated that earlier from him.

Once he had pulled up to the house Y/N gets out and turns around and leans down to look back into the car.

“Hey Tiger. Keep this”, she motions with her hand between the two of them. “To yourself. I have a reputation to lose in this town.”

She gains a soft chuckle from Billy and realizes how she lightened up the mood then closes the door. She starts to walk to the house and when she hears the engine start and sees him drive away, she walks to the back of the house and then over the street.

She walks up the street and passes three houses until she makes it to her actual house then makes her way to her room the same way she made it out. Y/N wasn’t the brightest at school, but she wasn’t stupid enough to trust Billy Hargrove fully and tell him where she lives.

She already told Steve, she knows what she is doing.

PART 1

Part 3 ??? yes no??

Taglist Consimilar

@heartbreakcity @captain-blossom @marslovesme

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theabsurdistcryptid · 4 years

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off my chest

I need to talk about my 2020 so far. I don't think anyone I know IRL knows about this Tumblr and I know none of my followers really care so I wanted to just post this in my own little void. I needed to let some things off my chest in this void so no one who knows me thinks i’m doing this for sympathy points. I just need to let so much out it’s suffocating me. I know we’ve all been suffering in 2020. it’s effected all of our mental health. If I'm being honest covid 19 scared me but I thought I was handling the adjustments pretty well. the worst part was being so close to finding a real makeup job just for a pandemic to start where even touching your own face let alone being within 6 feet of others was not allowed. I've been stuck at a job I've been wanting to leave for 18 months since. like I said, it was going well besides having to live with four people who all got to go on unemployment for 5 months while I had to keep working 40 hours a week at a to go place and only earn $10 bucks an hour. I don't resent any of my roommates, I’m glad they got their time off and were able to stay home and be safe. it all changed in April though. I got the highest I've ever been in my entire life and had a complete melt down in my room, like a whole ego death. everything that I hated about myself and everything that I've been lying to myself about since I was born came to. if I had a gun I would've ended it that night. I was going to ask my roommate to drive me to a pyschward but I couldn't move and I couldn't stop crying. god I didn't know I could cry like that, I burst blood vessels in my eyes and they were swollen for weeks. I've never been that scared in my life. from that night on I had extremely graphic suidical thoughts. I thought of the most awful disgusting ways to die, I thought about being r*ped and abused and it was the only way I could fall asleep at night. that's when the extreme drinking started. I blacked out almost every night in room. I told one of my roommate’s that I was planning on checking myself into the hospital after my birthday (may 6th) I told my parents too but they talked me out of it. then the protests came and I least I could channel all of my anger into something healthy. but there were at least 5 extra people staying at my house every night including my abusive ex’s little brother (he’s cool tho but it was triggering but I told everyone it was fine bc I like him) then the drama in the house started. there’s so much to go into but basically I hurt my roommate and broke their trust bc I did really selfish things while drunk. at this point i’d been avoiding food after walking for miles all day and I would mix the alcohol with drugs to get as numb as possible. I decided to spend the night at my best friend’s house to give them space but I had an out of body experience. I don't know what happened. I guess it’s because of all this built up hatred and anger I had towards myself but I cut myself up the worst I ever had. I started at the top and planned to finish myself off at the bottom but the blade got too dull and I passed out from fear. my best friend took me to the hospital in the morning. at the hospital my alcohol addiction wasn’t addressed. when I got out I decided it was a good idea to start a relationship that was already built on drama, looking back he was not healthy for me and encouraged me to stop taking my meds and he just fucked with my head a lot, I don't think he’s a bad person by any means but we just weren't good for each other. on the fourth of July everything changed. I blacked out from drinking and drugs. the next morning my boyfriend told me I had physically abused him the night before bc he wouldn’t have sex with me. the pain in his eyes. in his voice. I'll never forget it. all of my suicidial thoughts I had been suppressing came rushing back. I wasn't better and I had lied to everyone about it. I hurt the person I love. then I made him comfort me because I was actively trying to plan out my suicide. god it was so fucking selfish. he deserved so much better and he had even begun to deal with the worst of me. we decided to take a break but we were still fucking and hanging out. then I moved. his roommate/close friend came over bc I thought I was being followed. he came to protect me with a literal gun. I had been smoking a lot, not eating a drinking a large bottle of wine. he had bought alcohol too. I just remember sitting on my porch with him. in the morning I was told that we had gone back to his house and I saw my boyfriend and was so excited/all over him but he was pissed I was drunk so his friend drove me back home and took off all my clothes and started to touch myself and was all over him. there’s probably more but that’s all I was told. I have scarred my friend for life. he hasn’t spoken to me since and I deserve it. he probably has nightmares and idk it could’ve changed his outlook on sex forever. I have done irreversible damage. I very much deservedly lost a huge amount of friends and I will never be able to gain their respect or trust again but I get it. I barely left my bed. just laid there. tried to kill myself a couple more times, mostly with pills. I wrote notes and had one big plan to put on my nicest dress, and drive to the beach and slowly poison myself with liquor and sleeping pills. Angie stuck by my side and it made all the difference in the world. I told all of my friends everything, old ones, ones who live in different states, I even made a semi public apology and ousted myself. I told my family everything too, of course they just wanted me to get help. I'm staying strong now. trying to. living with knowing what I did and what I'm capable of is the hardest thing I've ever done. do you know what’s like to try to live with yourself when you already wanted to die so badly?? and now you have to live with the knowledge of knowing you did what you did. how it weighs on you. how it’s always on your mind. no matter how many distractions it’s just always fucking right there. what’s like to be finally be okay with the abuse I endured in the past, to be okay with being r*ped because I feel like I retroactively deserved it?? I believe people can change and I believe addictions and alcohol can make people do awful things but I just can’t seem to apply that to myself. I've sent an in-depth apology letter to everyone involved and even to my old roommate who I've wronged. I just can’t look at myself anymore. I feel like my soul is marked. people tell me that the fact that I know what I did was wrong and that I feel remorse means I'm a good person but I just can’t believe that. god just holding in all of these feelings has been torture. I don't tell people these things bc what I did should be about my victims (which is why im posting this on my Tumblr bc it’s private) it’s also hard because I feel like no one takes my apologies seriously. like I'm only saying it so the rumors won’t spread or to save my reputation. I don't give a shit about that, I know so many people already don’t like me anymore and I get it, I wouldn’t either. but I have to grieve with this too. I did something I had no idea I was capable of and it shook my entire view of myself when I already hated myself on such a deep level. like I've always hated every aspect of my being but now I really had a real reason to, like I'm a fucking villain. I'm staying strong and getting better but I can't even go 10 minutes without thinking about the people I've hurt and their well being, not an hour goes by where I don't think of a new suicide plan. my friends and family are telling me I have to forgive myself eventually so I can move on in grow but I dont think I can forgive myself for such a heinous act. if you read this I know you don't know me and this probably seems like oh boo hoo poor you your life is so hard what about your fucking victims and I KNOW. I feel awful and disgusting for even expressing how this has effected me as well but I needed to let this out somewhere. I feel like im losing my mind. I'm lucky to have a good support network and im working on changing my relationship with alcohol. the good thing is I don't crave it or feel like I need. I had a glass of preseco with my best friend on her 21st and I didn't feel the need to have anymore or even want anymore. of course I've had a slip up once, healing isn’t linear but I've really gotten under control way more than I had in the past. I don't mean to end such long post on such a boring note but god I am so so so fucking sorry to every single person I have affected in all of this. I will never stop being sorry. I hope I get better. fuck me and fuck 2020.

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kensingtcns-blog · 7 years

Text

( CHARLIE HUNNAM, MALE, HE/HIM ) —— [ BENJAMIN KENSINGTON ] is a [ THIRTY-FIVE ] year old that has been part of the [ HEATHENS ] for [ FIVE ] years. They have been working as a [ GUARD ]. The people in Boulder say that [ HE ] is [ CUNNING ] but also [ RECKLESS ]. Lets see what this wasteland has in store for them.

*uberhaxornova voice* alright helLO ( watch, no one else knows who that is ) its me, ur new resident trash queen & angst n pain lover, caitlyn. i’m 23 and i live in cst so like ?? yeah hi hello how are ya’ll ?? this is my baby benjamin that’s actually ?? a hot ass mess lmao ?? under this is a basic af bullet point bio, personality traits n stats & the three headcanons!! i’m so ridiculously excited to be here as well so that made my rambling worse ?? just like it is right now jfc okay i’ll stop. anywHO i’ve got a basic af list of wanted connections for him right HERE & i'll be working on making an actual bio for him over the next few days!! if you wanna plot w this hot ass mess, just like this or hop into my IMs bc i cannot wait to plot with all ya’ll!!

( TW: mentions of death, cancer, alcohol & weapons. )

BIOGRAPHY

was born and raised in denver, which means he’s always had a love for colorado.

ben’s the oldest of two siblings, his sister being ten years younger than him.

raised by two v loving parents who gave the pair everything they could have every wanted.

however, his mother did from breast cancer when he was 12 and that heavily impacted his father.

causing the older male to teach ben that having feelings wasn’t a good thing and that ben should bottle up everything because he wouldn’t get hurt that way.

something that ben took to heart and kept with him all throughout school.

speaking of, ben did really well in school, graduated at the top of his class and decided he wanted to go into the medical field.

so he did, went to medical school and started learning how to become a surgeon & to his surprise, he was really frickin good at it.

& along the way, he happened to fall head over heels for another student who was there to be a registered nurse. something his father frowned upon due to what’d happened to ben’s mother, but it was something his father quickly began to accept because he saw just how good the two were for each other.

ben ended up proposing to her about a year after they started dating & she said yes so they had a small courthouse wedding surrounded by loved ones... and a few months later they found out that she was pregnant.

this drove ben to be even more dedicated to his job because he wanted to be able to raise his son like his parents had raised him.

nine months later, along came his son and ben’s world quickly started revolving around that baby.

but all of that came to a screeching halt the second the virus hit.

benjamin knew that they had to get out of a populated city, so he packed his wife, his son, his father and his sister up and they were gone by sunlight.

however, his father and sister ended up getting separated from them and he didn’t know where they could have gone, even though he searched for days to find them.

things were okay for the first few month or so, they’d taken enough food to last from their home and the store but with an infant, keeping those supplies in stock wasn’t the easiest thin in the world and soon enough, ben found himself having to go out and search for formula and things like that.

those trips usually went pretty smooth, making sure his wife and son were safe before leaving them for a few hours. however, the one time he happened to be gone longer than a few hours was the one time they weren’t safe at all.

he came back to find both of them gone, something that hit him in the chest so hard that he sat in that buildings for nearly two days just waiting and hoping they’d just moved to somewhere more safe.

but all the hoping and waiting wouldn’t make up for the fact that they’d been taken from him.

this caused him to start being reckless, to go down this dangerous path that he figured would get him killed.

but not only did he do that, he started to have to figure out how to survive on his own. he didn’t have anyone, which meant he’d have to figure out how to shoot a gun, how to hold a knife, how to protect and fend for himself.

so he did, finding guns and ammo that’d been left behind by people, practicing by lining up the numerous alcohol bottles he’d killed off days before and firing into them.

sure enough, he seemed to be a natural with that and with knives.. or a natural for violence in general. he liked the feeling, and it wasn’t something he was going to deny anymore.

& he didn’t deny it one bit. if he met people, he’d resort to violence and threats faster then he could blink an eye because he didn’t trust them, didn’t trust anyone but himself with the feelings he now kept bottled up.

fast forward to about five years later, ben runs into a group that calls themselves the heathens and they instantly catch his interest.

offering him food, water, anything that was needed and gave him purpose.. something he hadn’t had in years. not since he lost his wife and son.

he took the offer almost instantly and has been a guard for them ever since.

PERSONALITY.

hides behind a wall of sarcasm, cockiness, anger and lust.

doesn’t really care to get to know people and had a tendency to push people away before they get too close to him.

is …. stubborn as hell and refuses to ask for help with anything.

has a motorcycle and it’s his baby..

a hot mess

fluent in a lot of languages, picked them up so that he didn’t need translators at meetings with patients.

lowkey worried that people will figure out that he’s not the complete asshole role that he plays on a daily basis and is actually a very hurt person bc if people started realizing that, he’d have to start feeling again and tbh, he don’t wanna do that.

is the biggest flirt you will ever meet??

will try to either get u to drink w him or take ur alcohol.. there's a v thin line between the two options tbh.

super, super intelligent but keeps that on the dl ?

he cares… god he cares so much about people and the world but he pretends to hate everything because it’s easier than letting people in.

is a highkey hoe but he also keeps it on the dl

super into keeping fit as it’s a way to keep his mind from wandering onto subjects such as his wife and son. so he’ll like ?? find random shit to use as a homemade gym ??

still wears his wedding ring but wears it on his middle finger so that know one knows the real story behind it.

also keeps a photo of his wife at baby boy in his leather jacket.

actually super loyal and caring once you’re able to see get past his wall??which is really hard to do due to his job but if u do it he’ll cherish u.

has a bad habit of smoking so he looks for packs of cigs like ?? everywhere he goes.

is actually super open to teaching other people how to fight / use weapons because it's fun for him but acts like it'll kill him to do so.

is a burnt cupcake who has really good intentions but has horrible execution skills.

HEADCANONS

Benjamin was raised solely by his father, who taught him that most emotions were bad things to feel or to talk about. Meaning that he usually hides all other emotions other than anger and lust. Which means that most people see him as an asshole, something that Benjamin is actually fully okay with because in his mind, having people view him in that light is far easier than having to address and/or deal with his feelings. But that doesn’t mean that Benjamin is unable to feel any other emotions other than anger or lust, but he does keep a wall up around him that not a lot of people can break down. If you can break past that wall, though, you’ll find that Ben is far from the ‘asshole’ character he likes to play.

( TW: mentions of death ) Before the virus broke out, Benjamin was actually going to medical school, hoping to be one of the best surgeons in Colorado, maybe even the United States. However, the virus took his wife and son from him and it caused him to break, causing him to give up on the little bit of hope he had left and away from the 'helper’ path he’d be heading down. Instead he found himself becoming extremely reckless, loving everything about violence and danger. He started doing things that his old self would have hated and not caring about the fact that it was risky, that he could easily get hurt or lose his own life in the process. But in all honesty? He doesn’t care about his own well-being, letting the grief that still sits deep in his soul cause him to drift towards dangerous things.

( TW: mentions of weapons. ) Due to him being on his own for a few years before he found The Heathens, Benjamin had to learn how to survive in the toughest ways possible. Meaning that whenever he ran into other survivors, he rarely trusted any of them and if it came to it, he’d resort to violence to get what he needed to survive, food, weapons, whatever it was. Not to mention the fact that he had to teach himself how to use knives, guns and anything else that could have been considered a weapon, how to hunt for the food needed to survive and how to deal with the infected anytime he happened to stumble upon them. After a few years of that, though, he started figuring out that maybe the life of survival and violence was something that he was rather good at, and something he really enjoyed as well. Which was the beginning of him turning from the 'helper’ he wanted to be before the virus hit to someone who’s actually rather selfish.

STATISTICS.

full name: benjamin rhys kensington.

nickname(s): ben, benji (used by his wife mostly).

age: thirty-five.

date of birth: october 31st.

zodiac sign: scorpio.

place of birth: denver, colorado.

gender: cis-male.

sexual orientation: bisexual.

religion: n/a.

occupation: guard for the heathens.

language(s) spoken: english, french, spanish, welsh, russian, korean, japanese, italian, romanian, greek, gaelic and bulgarian.

accent: american.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

face claim: charlie hunnam.

hair color: blonde.

eye color: blue.

height: 6′ 1″.

weight: 225 lbs.

build: athletic.

PERSONALITY / TRAITS.

label: the cataclysmic.

positive traits: cunning, adventurous, intelligent, charming, loyal & brave.

negative traits: reckless, hedonistic, cocky, impulsive, flirtatious & closed off.

FAMILY

father: gideon james kensington. ( undetermined. )

mother: marie ann williams-kensington. ( deceased. )

siblings: a younger sister ( undetermined. )

TESTS.

myers-briggs: estp-a

enneagram: type 8 ( the challenger. )

moral alignment: lawful evil. ( the dominator. )

temperament: choleric.

hogwarts house: slytherin.

#lb.intro #( master of puppets — ooc. )#when will i ever not ramble in intro posts???#come plot w me tho pls

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kindiekritz · 7 years

Note

all for the gay ask memes, yo. :D

Hey anon! Thanks for requesting this!

It’s a bit of a long post, but I’ll see if i can figure out how to add a ‘read more’ to this ask later!!

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

I’ve never actually gone on a date before, so I have no experience, but I always thought that a dinner date followed by a movie or nexflix. Bonus points if it’s an animated movie!

2. whats your “type”

Before all else I’d like to date someone kind, someone who would look past my many flaws and still accept me despite of them. Maybe someone with a great sense of humor and someone who knows when to laugh at themself.

And they’d need to show passion and enthusiasm for life!! I recently started developing a crush on a gal, but to be quite honest now that the infatuation is wearing off, she’s kind of a drag? Like there’s no sense of excitement or happiness in her messages, maybe she just doesn’t like me and she’s intentionally being dry to make me feel bored and to make me leave or something, but if that was the case then it worked. I don’t like people who dismiss and blow off people in that sort of manner either, because you are not worth more or less then the average person next to you.

3. do you want kids?

I used to think that I didn’t, but maybe in 15 years or so, if I am married and i have a stable lifestyle and home, I’d like to have children i think.

I was raised by a single mother most of my childhood, and while my mom did the best she could, it was still painful not having a second parent to rely on, or to simply have as both parents as role models for a functional family. I’d need to have a willing partner who I am very much in tune with in order to raise children, I don’t want them to go through the same pain of divorce or the pain of having a broken family.

And having monetary and home stability are even more important, i also grew up in a lower-middle class family that sometimes had to use food stamps to get by, and my mom and i moved over 15 times by the time I was 15 years old. I really want to be able to provide a safe and stable home for children if I decide to have any in the future.

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?

Adoption and pregnancy are my two main choices I suppose?

I mean traditionally women are supposed to want to get pregnant and go through the pregnancy process, it’s a natural want and desire after all, and I am no different. But due to health issues I fear that if I choose the pregnancy route it would just be a selfish choice to simply satisfy a want I have, without thinking about the health of both myself and the hypothetical baby. However I don’t want to cross off the idea all the way through, and perhaps science and technology will develop enough by that time to allow me to safely carry a child to term.

Adoption is my second choice, and overall it might be the best. However currently there are many blockades regarding same sex couples adopting, and that might be an issue. And many children who come out of the system unfortunately have suffered trauma and abuse, many of which requires extensive knowledge and experience that parents need to have beforehand caring for a child who has those mental burdens. And unfortunately I may not be the best candidate for caring for a child who needs extensive care like that due to my own mental illnesses.

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on

I’ve never been on a date unfortunately :(

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)

I’ve never gotten the succ :’(

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?

I kid you not, it’s literally 4:20 in the morning as I write this rn. Definitely night time gay

8. opinion on nap dates?

They’re great, would actually love to go on one some day :’)

9. opinion on brown eyes?

Brown eyes are so cute?? But not mine tho, mine are p drab.

10. dog gay or cat gay?

Definitely a dog gay, but I’d love to own a cat someday tbhh

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?

yES!! I’ve always wanted a pet rat and like bearded dragons and leopard geckos are absolutely adorable

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone

If someone is judgmental without good reason is a really big turn off, and someone who has no mark of individuality is something that really bugs the hell out of me.

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

I never really had any misconceptions really?? Probably just that i thought it was not as common as it actually is tbh.

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

“hey kids, i know youre struggling right now but im here to tell you, everything gets worse forever”- Twitter user Wolf pupy

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?

I want a guy who will beat the shit out of my enemies, but I want a woman who will beat the shit out of me ;)

(not in an abusive sort of way, abuse is not cool kids)

16. who is an ex you regret?

I’ve never dated, so I don’t have an ex, but I regret every single crush I’ve ever had in the history of ever bc they turn out to be p mean ppl.

17. night club gay or cafe gay?

Night clubs are too loud and bright and shit??? I don’t like them and they smell gross?? I prefer cafés

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for

I’d go straight for many guys, I am still bisexual after all and boys are v cute

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?

pls,,, definitely video game gay there is no doubt about it

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

Lapidot is a very sweet ship that makes me rlly happy tbh

21. favourite gay youtuber

Idk, I wouldn’t really watch a YouTuber just bc they’re gay, and nobody really comes to mind

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?

I’ve never asked anyone out in the history of ever, so no

23. have you ever been in love?

I’m not sure how being in love is supposed to be like, I wouldn’t know how to respond to this question honestly

24. have you ever been heartbroken?

Yes, definitely. Ppl are not v nice

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone

Basically it’s just like “can i imagine myself doing cute domestic shit with this person??”

26. favourite lgb musician/band

Idk?? The most popular music by lgb musicians isn’t really my taste, but I usually just stick to the ppl I already know

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays

Be kinder to yourself and don’t belittle your accomplishments, you’re stronger then you know.

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

I am mostly out! I have to come out to a couple of friends from school but really mostly everyone knows

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have

I came out to my mom around 2-3 in the morning, and unfortunately I found out the next day that the Pulse Club shooting was taking place at the same time I was coming out. It definitely made my mom recoil and made her less accepting of my identity at the time.

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

Don’t feel pressured to come out because you feel it’s mandatory, because it’s not. If it can affect your life in a negative way then please, do not do it. Wait until you are in a safer situation and you have a backup plan set up.

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