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#and then :) we have to wait fucking months :) for the next season :) haha yeah :)))
distant--shadow · 6 months
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get to know meme
lil thing where I'll give a bit too much detail so it fills its purpose, honoured honestly to be tagged by three of my favourite writers in this space @sharkodactyl, @unicyclehippo , and @astoriacolumnstaircase - anyone reading this should be reading their works instead.
favourite colour: brown(s), like a mid to a dark tone, i like them to have a bit of red involved. like our old-boy chet, I love the wood. my dream home would be all wood-panelled with built in inlayed and set back shelves and nooks a plenty and yeah just full of brik-a-brak. otherwise my favourite colours are navy blue and greens that are more mixed with blue than yellow, teals and emeralds and once again generally around the mid tones. green makes me very happy. moss and outdoors and all that.
currently reading: fic. haha. (suss my recommend reading tag) I did venture out to my (very) local queer bookshop and asked them for something that won't send me on a spiral if I'm already on one/provide some escapism and they reccomended river of teeth by Sarah gailey. anyone I've said about it to seems real enthusiastic about it, I am not well read at all when it comes to published things, tend to just get really into a few fandom authors works and picking them apart (rereading a lot) . still haven't started it but maybe I'll try take it out to the park in the next week or so. I'm dabbling in reading (and unfortunately writing) poetry thanks to @picturesofthegoneworlds and @blorbotomy 's influence, those mini books are fun to keep on you when out and about, poem or two on a tree stump or boulder with a grand vista and a brain that wants eyes on a phone screen.
last song: last song I consciously (not background music) listened to was:
youtube
I went on an early lord snow stint the other night because the air smelt crisp and there was a nice chill. they have remained my favourite heavy (as a broad term) band for a decade now.
I used to have music on all of the time, whether that be cd's at home or in my mp3 player (that I still take out with me) but these days I find listening more of an intentional activity and I prefer to have people just nattering when I'm at home and want background noise. think it's where my heads at and I've just got more sensitive to being overstimulated I guess. I was also pretty good at going to a live gig at least once a week before I did my back in, looking forward to getting into that habit again.
last series: I don't watch much stuff outside of critical role, least other than YouTube videos I'll put on whislt I'm drawing. oh wait yeah I ordered 3 seasons of xena on ebay because it's like a couple of quid a season and it is a real good comfort show and fucking amazing. I hadn't seen it since I was pre teen and it was on day time TV and I'd catch it on sick days. the amount of people I've brought it up to these past few months who've been so stoked to be reminded of it/eager to watch it with me is actually hilarious.
last movie: uhhhh God movies I watch even less. I haven't been to a cinema in over 12 years now, just not my thing, and it's funny caus my mum used to work in the film and TV industry and we had shelves and shelves full of VHS growing up (mostly bootlegged) and she can just ramble about pretty much any early era film up to the stuff from the 80s (when she was working on em) for days. never could sit through em, never felt satisfied with how the story went. guess that's why actual play appeals to me. but saying all this I did rewatch Bound for the first time since I was like 15 last month or so, enjoyed it a lot more than I did back then.
sweet/savory/spicy: savory all day. I am a salt fiend. I used to think I'd be fortunate enough to die from my salt intake. I'll put it on anything. cereal, toast, fruit. I think the other day I noted the one thing I wouldn't put it on, but I can't recall that right now honestly. it's gotta be decent salt too, sea salt or rock salt that has some texture and delicious flavour, I'm not fucking with that table salt shit. I carry salt with me in a mini mason jar everywhere I go, saves when you only have access to bland cold supermarket food. one of my earliest memories is when I was like 6 I had had my daily 1 glass allowance of squash/fruit cordial in my white Tom and Jerry printed beaker with the accordion bendy straw and so when I was pouring myself a glass of water from the tap I put salt in it caus I wanted flavour that would not show through the white translucent container. it's all been downhill from there, although I also, luckily I guess caus otherwise I would be really fucked, do drink a lot of water.
currently working on: myself and healing. hah. I never realised how much paperwork and phone calls came with this maintenance shit. I'm still out of work, and my mental health has taken a huge hit from not being able to do the things I usually would. so right now I'm just trying to keep everything together. I can draw again though, so sorry about that.
I never know who to tag in these things caus I don't think everyone wants to do them. so I'll go with this being open invite as always. hope anyone who read this far is having a good week, and sentiment is still there even if you didn't read this (unless you don't deserve my well wishes, then fuck you.)
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fictionfixations · 1 year
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man im gonna miss the owl house.
its a fucking masterpiece. that ending. Its all wrapped up in a nice and pretty bow and im so happy and im actually crying its precious to me like how gravity falls was, and amphibia (i admit im not the biggest fan of amphibia, with as fear of bugs and also holy shit thats a lot of 'filler' thats technically not filler because they DID have to wait like months to be able to venture outside but eHHH) gravity falls and its entirety was precious and nothing can match watching it for the first time amphibia was pretty and quirky with characters i genuinely cared about and the world building was cool and the owl house is a whole... IT HAD GAY, it had magic, it hAD BOOKS, it had so much stuff that i really liked and im so happy about it. and all of their endings made me cry and im still crying shut up oh my god and i didnt watch the episode like yesterday because i forgot and got distracted (haha sorry) and i want to make something to never forget but i already have the amity necklace, the season 1 poster (because season 2 had sold out by the time i checked sob, huNTeRRR) AghH but its in a pretty bow now and i have nothing to write about it. the perfect show honestly has to be the one that there's nothing that you can add to it because its perfect.
theres nothing that makes me want to add on to it, nothing to build out angsty and sad scenes (i mean it had everything i wanted LMFAO. anything else would have to just be like either a drabble, or like canon divergence and therefore hunter pov. because i am the writer who mainly writes male pov, clap clap) AND IM HAPPY FOR HIM HE HDWUISAHDIUA oh my god i just saw the flapjack grave oh my god it just spawned a new set of tears (I HAVENT FINISHED WATCHING THE CREDITS I HAVE WORDS TO SAY)
OH MY GOD AMITY (THEY ALL LOOK NICE. also can i backtrack and talk about how gus reunited with his father, with the illusions of multiple hims and then his dad was just hugging them all and that made me so happy??) also back track further LUZ WAS ROCKING THAT TITAN STYLE and she still has the litlte marks on her eyes (it was probably makeup though maybe? i dont remember if she had that after she turned back i dont think she did? idk) OH OH OH DARIUS (thats abomination coven guy right. oh my god i forgot what their rank was already LMFAO) NAD AND AMITYS DAD ?????? RAINE YOU LOOK SO PRETTY EM(ira? I FORGOT HER NAME. I JUST REMEMBER ED AND EM NAMES ARE FAILING ME RN) OH MY GOD THEIR DESIGNS next thing you know on youtube: nolstalgic the owl house lofi HOLY SHIT IS THAT GUS?
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YEAH THATS HIS PALISMAN- HOLY SHIT ??? OH MY GOD EDA. AND SHES WEARING RAINES EARRING THING *SOB* AND HER ARMS A HOOK. OH MY GOD I LOVE HER /P AND THE LIGHT GLYPH im rewatching this so many times im so happy, this is like a literal timeless show in my eyes (like how you can watch gravity falls over and over AGHHH)
OH DEAR STEVE--- its just so perfect and im repeating myself and AGHHHH also can we talk about how they taught the collector what mortality was? i think thats the right word (i was about to say morality haha) LUZ JUST BRRR but like halfway through i remembered that papa titan (like the one from. i think it mightve been the first of season 3...? like when they go through theres that waving guy who sounds like hes running and panting and yelling 'hey' in the background, and i remembered 'OH IS IT HIM') and just oh my god *exaggerated hand movements*
oH MY GOD (and i know thats not the actual light glyph we had before- i know this because i tried drawing it once)
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LOOK AT THE LITTLE HORNS AND THE DIAMOND SHAPE ADNWUIAS HDAIUD YEAHHHHHHH MORE LEARNING
i need to take a moment before i cry again my hands are shaking. im going to miss this show. i really hope i can find out what to write in the future (AHAHA unintentional pun to the episode 'in the future') EDIT: NO ITS FOR THE FUTURE, IM SO DUMB ahhh i want to immortalize it. i have this bad habit of forgetting things easily (on the plus side, YEAHHHH i can finally put my half a semester of spanish classes to use for luz!!)
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captorsicallfriends · 2 years
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(part 2) So I do exactly that. But whilst I'm walking along my merry way this white car starts slowing down while it's driving next to me. And I've seen documentaries and kidnapping stories I know where this is going. BUT, I have also been practically begging for someone to have a go at me so I can tear them limb from limb and use their grated organs as seasoning on my meals for months now. I've been training for this moment since I was born I don't care WHAT'S considered legal in self defence nowadays it's 10am on a Tuesday morning and I'm gonna commit violent murder. So the car is pulling up to me, I try to look in the windows but ofc the windows are tinted nasty creeps, and then it honks at me. I am going to kill them slowly. It drives away after that but you're fucked if you think I'm leaving it there so I pick up the nearest rock and throw it as hard as I can but it misses because I suck ass at sport. Enraged at having my good mood thrown and missing my shot I try chasing it on foot. Doesn't work, again, I'm shit at any form of physical exercise and it's a car idk what I was thinking if I was an animal I'd probably be dead before I'm 3 months old. So I do the only option left, stick both my middle fingers up high enough for them to still see and yell "FUCK YOU PIG" as loud as I can. So anyways I'm feeling a bit better now and I make it to my grandparents house not too long afterwards. I knock on the door. I knock again. I knock repetitively and nothing happens. Fuck. I'm left with no other option than to go next door and ask for assistance but I'm too hot for that so I take the next step and break into their house. Which TECHNICALLY wasn't really breaking in because they did leave 1 lock unlocked so it's not rrreeeeaaallllyyyyyyyyyyy a crime okay are we good? Good. So once I am successful in breaking into their house I go inside only to find my grandma and grandpa there already. This was certainly not a plot twist I was expecting. They explain to me my grandma got a ride from a nice young man in a white car who drove her here and the problem is fixed. Yippee! Except not yippee because "wait what colour did you say the car was? Oh ... That's.... Probably a coincidence then there's lots of white cars where we live. Oh and you got him to honk at me while I was walking to try let me know you're here? Ooohhhhh that's... yeah that's so nice of you grandma thank you let's never speak of this again." FUCK. I am met with the horrible reality of what I have just done. This poor man helps an old lady get to her house and I do this to him?? In my defence tho if you're using a car unfamiliar to somebody (particularly someone who looks like a teenage girl) and you honk at them in said car you're pretty much setting yourself up for disaster here buddy. So we get the keys and the car back and I beg the gods for forgiveness from the sinful act I have commited (but not really cuz c'mon slowing down next to a stranger to honk at them you are literally asking to get your tires slashed I'm sorry) and that's the story of how my grandma hitchhiked a ride, I nearly killed someone and broke into someone else's house except not really okay haha if Ur a cop reading this it's legal where I live promise
yup i knew it would get more insane, i'm glad you seeked repentance 🙏
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evcndiaz · 3 years
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remember those set photos of buck being in civvies and having blood on him?? okay, well, in light of the synopsis for 04 x 14, i am now thinking about buck and taylor being on a date or whatever when the 118 gets called to put out a small fire inside a cafe or something idk. of course, the fire is a trap and after they put it out, the sniper starts shooting. and so, across the street, buck and taylor hide ofc because guy shooting, but buck looks up just in time to see eddie get shot in the chest. commence all the eddie begins angst feels x100. 
#You just know he forgets about everything the minute he sees Eddie go down. He loses his fucking mind. Everything just stops#All he can see is Eddie on the ground... Eddie's blood spilling out underneath him.... Eddie choking on his own blood.#His brain disconnects. He can hear himself screaming but it's like the sound is coming from far away. So of course he runs out into the open#to get to him. Taylor screams at him to come back because hello there's a fucking sniper but all Buck can think about is Eddie#(obviously Athena is close by and she catches the guy right before the sniper shoots Buck#who is kneeling by Eddie's side trying to stop the bleeding.... begging him to hold on and stay with him)#It's the longest trip to the hospital that Buck has ever experienced. He'll never forget the feeling of Eddie's blood spilling between his#fingers. Someone calls Ana to the hospital and she starts crying and he hardly even notices because all he can think about is how Eddie's#dying and he's not there to save him. Buck's brain doesn't really come back online until Christopher comes through the hospital door. And#then he gets down on his knees and wraps the kid up in his arms because they both need each other right now.#Buck cups Christopher's tear stained face in his hands. 'It's alright. Your dad's going to be alright' he swears. Somehow it feels like a#lie. He catches Bobby's eye over Chris's shoulder. He can see the reprimand and the fear there but mostly he just allows himself to drink in#the strength Bobby is quietly pouring into him. The surgeon comes out asking for the family of Eddie Diaz and literally half the waiting#room stands up. He takes a deep breath and then we as the audience don't hear his voice but we can see everyone's reactions.#Especially Buck's. The episode ends with a close up on Eddie's face. His eyes are closed and tubes are coming out of his mouth and nose#and then :) we have to wait fucking months :) for the next season :) haha yeah :)))#jack.txt#tv: 911#type: headcanon#murder tags
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pallasperilous · 3 years
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Fifty Ways to Lose Your Lover
{on AO3} “Despair” Studio Draft 09/18/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.) CASTIEL is verging on tears, joy and sorrow fighting for dominance. He knows what he’s about to say will be enough to summon THE EMPTY to claim him forever. DEAN is still struggling to process, but a terrible understanding is beginning to dawn on his face. CASTIEL ...I love you. DEAN (tearfully) I love you, too... ...buddy CASTIEL (Sighs grimly.)
> “Despair” Studio Draft 09/19/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.) CASTIEL ...I love you. DEAN (meaningfully) I know.
Haha sorry dude I’ve just always wanted to say that CASTIEL opens the door for THE EMPTY and wordlessly walks into the sweet embrace of OBLIVION. > “Despair” Studio Draft 09/20/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.) CASTIEL ...I love you.
DEAN Cass, man...I...how long have you felt this way?
CASTIEL Maybe...season 6? But I would’ve... (He pauses, overcome with emotion, then steadies himself to meet Dean’s gaze.) But I would’ve totally dicked down by mid-season 4.
DEAN Are you...are you fucking kidding me? That’s twelve seasons, Cass!! Network length seasons!
CASTIEL I didn’t think you could possibly reciprocate –
DEAN I had DESPERATION SEX with KETCH, Cass. ARTHUR KETCH. I had to get a TETANUS BOOSTER after that shit!  What the FUCK!
The pounding at the DOOR abruptly ceases. 
THE EMPTY (O.S.) Hey, so, this is getting weird, I think I’m gonna take off. 
CASTIEL Wait, no–
> “Despair” Studio Draft 09/21/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.) CASTIEL ...I love you.
DEAN (tearfully) Bazinga.
CASTIEL opens the door and hurls DEAN into the glistening maw of THE EMPTY. > “Despair” Studio Draft 09/22/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.)
CASTIEL ...I love you.
DEAN (tearfully) I love you, too.
BILLIE (O.S.) (Muffled, through DOOR) Pay up, bitch!
THE EMPTY (O.S.) Fuck!!  BILLIE (O.S.) There’s an ATM twenty minutes from here up 281. I’ll wait.
THE EMPTY (O.S.) Uggggggh you suck. > “Despair” Studio Draft 09/23/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.)
CASTIEL ...I love you.
DEAN I love you, too.
CASTIEL Oh.
DEAN ...what?
CASTIEL Uh. Wow. I just...didn’t anticipate this. I’m...not sure what to say. I kind of thought the EMPTY would, you know, take me. Before you could say anything back.
DEAN Huh. Good job on the wards, I guess.
CASTIEL Thank you.
A beat.
CASTIEL (nervous laugh) I really thought the EMPTY would have taken me by now.
DEAN Do you want me to check on her, or...?
CASTIEL If you wouldn’t mind. I just worry.
THE EMPTY (Opening door) Haha I’m fine guys, this is hilarious. Seriously Castiel, I’m super flattered that you think I could  come up with anything worse than dating an unemployed closeted dude in his forties who’s obsessed with Zeppelin and lives with his adult brother in a basement in rural Kansas, LMAOOOO enjoy couple’s therapy, bitch > “Despair” Studio Draft 09/24/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.)
CASTIEL ...I love you.
DEAN (tearfully) I love you, too. CASTIEL I mean that I love you in a romantic way. Just to be clear. DEAN No, I get it. Same. CASTIEL Sexually also. I mean, probably? Not super clear on that one, but I’m open to experimentation. DEAN I am ready to explore that with you at whatever pace and in whatever way is comfortable for all involved. CASTIEL Just making sure we’re on the same page, here: this is a homosexual declaration of romantic love. DEAN Yep. Super gay. ...queer? CASTIEL No, I like queer. It’s inclusive. DEAN An umbrella term, yeah. Reclaimed and shit. CASTIEL Because, while we’re both male-presenting, and I don’t want to diminish the significance of that, I’ve got a whole potential genderfluid situation going on, maybe also on the ace spectrum, and you’re...do you prefer bi, or pan, or...? DEAN Bi works. But, you know, 2020 style. CASTIEL Right, so meaning you experience attraction to more than one gender, not just two binary genders. DEAN (finger guns) Bingo. CASTIEL This has been a very helpful conversation. DEAN Yeah. I’m so happy we finally got to talk about this stuff, man. CASTIEL So am- THE EMPTY bursts through the door, seizes CASTIEL, and vanishes again. DEAN sighs.
> “Despair” Studio Draft 09/25/20 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.)
CASTIEL ...I love you.
DEAN Don’t do this, Cass.
CASTIEL Yeet!
CASTIEL throws DEAN against the far wall as THE EMPTY pushes through the door.
THE EMPTY Yeet?? C’mon man, this is my last scene. I don’t even have a line, I’m just a fucking special effect. Throw me a bone here. 
CASTIEL I apologize. Let’s go again.
THE EMPTY Thank you.
CASTIEL (clears throat) Yoink me, Void Daddy.
THE EMPTY Oh my god. > “Despair” Studio Draft 09/25/20 #2 DO NOT DISTRIBUTE INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT. (CONT.)
CASTIEL ...I love you.
DEAN Nice try, Chuck. Now let him go.
CHUCK appears, looking miffed. CASTIEL suddenly relaxes, like a puppet whose strings have been cut.
CHUCK Shit. How did you figure it out? 
DEAN Cass and I hooked up all the way back in 9x06, man. 
CHUCK Wh...no you didn’t! The crew just lost the light but had to wrap the sequence!
CASTIEL That’s exactly what we wanted you to think. We’ve been together ever since.
DEAN We had a vow renewal ceremony last month when we legally adopted Jack. 
CASTIEL It was very moving. 
CHUCK This is insane. You can’t do this! I control everything that happens in this universe!
DEAN Becky taught us about coda fics, Chuck. And that was all the opening we needed. 
CASTIEL Dean. It’s time.
DEAN I’m ready.
CHUCK Wh...what are you doing?
CASTIEL Your power only extends to shots that make it to air, Chuck. 
CHUCK (glancing at watch) No. NO.
CASTIEL That was a very long speech you had me deliver. Almost enough to take us to end credits. And then on to another show entirely. 
CHUCK I think it’s OUTPOST. I haven’t...I haven’t even watched it.
DEAN Jack likes it okay.
CHUCK (sputtering) You bastards. You may try to fuck with me between eps, but whatever happens to me still has to fit logically with the situation at the beginning of the next episode!  
DEAN Ah, yes. Tell me, who’s writing the next episode, Cass?
CASTIEL (with sinister resolve) Bucklemming.
The blood drains from CHUCK’s face. 
DEAN Then I’d say...
CASTIEL shakes his ANGEL BLADE out into his hand.
DEAN ...Sky’s the limit. SMASH CUT TO CREDITS. {on AO3}
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idesofrevolution · 3 years
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Okay: Bad Boy Musky Transformation it is. Enjoy!
I knew, of course, that Marco sold whatever the degenerates in the neighborhood needed. Weed, Acid, Ecstasy, Shrooms, Coke... take out the hard ones and you have his menu. He always seemed to afford the good things in life with his dark money. Two weeks ago he’d bought a Ducati; a week prior it was a 60 inch TV! God knows it wasn’t from dutiful employment, but I knew damn well just what it was that afforded him these luxuries: whatever could be inhaled, snorted, or smoked. And yet, here I was, working two jobs at McDonalds & Popeyes just trying to afford my garbage studio apartment. 
He’d only ever been kind to me, I’ll admit. He’d bring by a pizza he said he couldn’t finish, or his old speakers he’d upgraded. Nice guy, if a bit dim. Always out in the courtyard, laying by the pool with his shirt off. Always surrounded by other guys who’d slip him a hundred. It’s not fair! Four years of college and what did I have to show for it? Student loans and no job prospects. Yet there he was: no trade, no job, no future really; but living like a king. So it was one day where I’ll fully admit that my jealousy overwhelmed me. 
I was short that month, for the first time mind you. Short only by a hundred dollars for rent, but I had already gotten a notice on my door. Pay tomorrow or get lost. It was this desperation that made me remember every deal that thug made, every 8-ball, every eighth, every pill... Would he really notice a hundred missing from his pile? I knew for a fact that every Wednesday night, precisely at 10, Marco would leave for the hookah club and not return until 4 or 5 at the earliest. I knew he locked his door, a few locks actually, but I also knew that the moron left his window cracked nearly every night. It just so happened that on that particular evening, he did just that. 
In that fleeting moment of curiosity, a plan built up in my head. I watched him loudly slam his door, lock his several locks, and saunter out down the stairs. I waited about five minutes before creeping out of my apartment, careful to watch for other prying eyes. I had to be quick. I made a run for it, bolting to his open window on the balcony. It slid open quite easily, and I heaved myself over the ledge and into Marco’s dark apartment. I landed on the ratty old carpet and quickly shut the window. Looking around the apartment, it was a three bedroom for sure. In the same state of disrepair as mine, but furnished with some of the most expensive, gaudy things I’ve ever seen. Brand new leather couches, a coffee table made completely of glass, a massive stereo system next to his 60 inch TV... An absolute manchild lived here.
However, I wasn’t there for the TV or the oversized sectional. I had a sneaking suspicion that he, like many of us, kept his extra money somewhere in the bedroom. Ensuring that no noise would come from my steps, I snuck quietly down the hall, covered in paintings of scantily clad men toward the bedroom. Interesting, he swung that way, huh? Opening the door, a wafting stink hit me in the face. The room was covered in dirty laundry, used condoms, half rolled  blunts, and lines of coke on nearly every surface. This is what I was expecting, and I was surely right. Holding my nose shut, I crept toward his dresser, and began to ruffle through his belongings. Damp socks, damp underwear, damp lycra, everything in there was damp and reeking. I slammed each of the drawers shut, and opened the closet. There, on the tile floor behind rows of pristine sneakers were a pair of destroyed old Vans; and inside each were rolls of hundred dollar bills. Jackpot. I knelt down and grabbed one of the rolls, momentarily unclamping my nose to remove the rubber band. The smell was unbelievable. It took me aback, just how strong it was. I’m sure each of the pairs of Huaraches, AF1′s, and the like had strong scents of their own, but from this single pair of beat up old Vans was the most salty, sweet, almost cheesy footmusk that I’d ever encountered.
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For a mere second, I contemplated bringing one of the shoes to my face, letting the dirty, wet insole touch the tip of my nose. However, it was in that second that I should have just left well enough alone. The lightswitch flipped on, and looming over me was the hulking, shirtless Marco. In my right hand was his wad of cash, in the left was his grody sneaker. My face flushed, and my stomach dropped to my toes. He crossed his arms and smiled.
“If you wanted a loan you could have just asked...” Words were caught in the back of my throat. I wanted so terribly to make up some fantastic excuse as to my presence in his closet, but the frog in my throat had other ideas. The growing grin of Marco, paired with him beginning to kneel down to my level made my heart nearly stop beating. “And if you wanted a sniff I’d have given it to you.” He smirked and slowly pulled the shoe from my hand, taking a quick whiff of it’s stench. He turned quickly and laughed, waving the wafting scent away from his face before grabbing the back of my head and plunging it right into the shoe. “Okay, deep breath now.”
I tried to struggle, to fight back, but the man was nearly twice my size and pure muscle. There was no chance of me weaseling my way out of this. I had to just play along with this weird fetish that he seemed to have. I inhaled a quick breath, barely getting any stink. 
“No, no. I said deep breath.” I felt a strong hand shoot to my crotch, grabbing my junk within my jeans. The shock of this invasive gesture broke my concentration, and a gasp of breath escaped from my mouth. Into my nose, my mouth, my sinuses, my brain did the musk penetrate. I moaned loudly, the confusion of a powerful grope and a powerful scent submerged me into a strange state of consciousness. Or rather, a lack thereof. I was inhaling the footsmell like air, and I couldn’t get enough. My cock began to tent in my pants, and I felt my right hand drop the roll of cash I thought I so desperately needed. “Ahh, haha. That’s right, let it in. Let me in.” 
His voice seemed distorted, as if we were in a deep cavern, it echoed in my skull. He removed the shoe from my face, pulling me to my feet by my bulging groin. Guiding me toward his bed, I sat down on the smelly sheets, no longer in complete control of my faculties.
“Take your clothes off.” His words entered my ears like soft velvet, it felt wrong to disobey. In fact, I wanted to obey. For the first time, I wanted to listen to whatever this man told me to do. His bulging muscles, his plump lips, the way his crooked smile felt so dangerously mischievous, the way his smell took my breath away like a vacuum. For the first time, this man was everything I wanted. I ripped my clothes off and lay there on his bed wearing nothing but my bare, cold skin. Smiling, he took hold of my throbbing, upright cock in his rough hand. Ripples of goosebumps ran up and down my body as he slowly ran his calloused hand up and down my shaft. Each stroke allowed a groan or a moan to sneak out of my lips, before he leaned down atop me and planted a soft kiss onto my lips. He tasted like an ashtray and as his tongue slipped into my mouth, rolling atop my own, I could feel some of his taste transfer to me. I can’t explain it, as we kissed I could feel that taste of cigarettes and blunts seep into my tongue. I pulled his pants down, his thick, uncut cock tumbling out of his compression shorts onto my stomach. He smiled as he pulled away from the kiss. I stuck my finger under his foreskin, swiping it around, and brought it to my lips. It tasted like ripe, sweaty cock, and I began to crave it. “Oh yeah, babe you’re a keeper.”
He jumped up, and pulled me toward the edge of the bed. I got a perfect frontal view of his gorgeous cock and saggy balls, his virile and manly smell kept pouring into my nose and into the depths of my mind. He grabbed me by the back of my hair and pulled my eager mouth forward, engulfing his slick, smelly cock. I suckled, my loud slurping seeming making him even hornier. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him fiddling with something just out of view. As he thrust down my throat, I realized just what it was that he had. His used condom, I presume from whatever sexy fuck occurred the night prior, was in his hands. I closed my eyes as I felt its rubbery walls close tightly around the tip of my cock, slickly sliding down my shaft until his cold, creamy load touched my slit. With a loud snap, I looked down and saw his thick white cum completely enveloping my cockhead. I only got a quick glance before he’d pulled out of my mouth, replacing his succulent cock with my now favorite smelly shoe. I licked the sole, letting the thick toejam season my ashy tongue as the musk thrust into my nose once more. 
I knew what was coming, and I was prepared when I felt that slippery cock slip like butter into my tight hole. He’d grabbed my cock, covered in his seed, and jerked in tandem with his thrusts into my ass. Sensory overload. His smell, his seed, his cock, his taste, the very sight of him... It was all him. He was marking me. I was his property, and I was glad to oblige. Every single hard smack against my ass cheeks, every stinking waft into my brain, every breath of his smoky breath coming out of my mouth... It was too much! He fucked like a madman, stroking my cock into his slime until I felt a strange tingling in my cockhead. It was a slick, penetrating sensation of his seed... slurping into my slit! I was nearly screaming as I felt it sink deep down my shaft, into my engorging balls. It was stewing, brewing inside my growing sack! I heard him howl as he unloaded his fresher load into me. 
I felt his cock within me shooting spurt after spurt... going from ounces to gallons very quickly. His cum spread throughout my body like water into a balloon. I could feel the silky liquid beneath my skin, creeping, inflating every part of my body. It seeped up my throat, into my mouth, behind my very eyes into my brain. The pressure grew as I felt growth, I felt strength, I felt different. My body was gelatinous beneath my skin, before slowly firming into a much larger form. An improved form. I pulled Marco’s shoe from my face, and looked at my changing body. The cum kept flowing as I saw my muscled arms, my bulging abs, a grotesquely inflated ballsack... He leaned down and kissed me again, giving me another much needed taste of his addictive taste. My brain was melting, reforming, changing... Things were fuzzy and blurred before it was my turn to blow my load. In it, was who I used to be, my failures, my strife, my worries and obligations... Flowed like a jet out of my cock into his condom. Cum flowed out of the top of the condom, before Marco ripped it from me, letting the hot juices pool between us. 
“Lookin’ good, babe.” He smiled at me, and I looked at the man I loved with a smirk. Yeah, I sure fuckin’ do look good. We laid there all night long, fucking and kissing and sniffing and tasting... By the time the sun came up, I was in his clothes, I reeked of his sweaty manly musk, I was wearing my favorite pair of red Vans, and I was readying an 8-ball for pickup later that morning (after a few lines for me and the boyfriend). I kicked back and lit a cigarette, enjoying the laid back life I’d come to love with my man.
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It’s a love story. How touching. So let me know what you think. Give me some anons on your opinions! Also, toss a few quid into the tip jar and I’d be eternally grateful <3 <3
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dripkingpetey · 3 years
Text
3 times you thought of each other after the breakup+the 1 time you realized you were the one for each other-b.boeser
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a/n:hey! this is my first time writing in months so I really hope you enjoy it! its just a little 3+1 I put together last night so it might not be the best :) im trying to get back into writing again (I said that last time too lol) also this was supposed to be angsty but idk what it turned into haha
The first time
“Yeah uh, I’ll just grab these and go.” Brock mumbled to himself as he walked into your apartment, scared to make eye contact with you, let alone talking to you. And your heart ached, partly because you still loved him, and partly because you couldn’t believe what Brock had done to you. 
Brock gathered his things and headed for the door wanting to hear you talk for one last time. “Y/n, I’m really so-” Brock tried to say before you shut the door in his face, you couldn’t handle it anymore. After you shut the door you practically broke down into tears, sliding down the door with your back against it.
Brock still walking your apartment brought back all of the fun memories, well all of the fun memories before you found out about his little fling he was having with a girl back home, in Minnesota. It had happened during the off-season, you had originally gone with Brock but had to return to Vancouver early due to your job. If Jake didn’t get drunk one night and slip out the secret you never would’ve known. But part of you almost didn’t want to know, part of you wondered what would’ve happened if you never found out, would you and Brock still be together? Or would he cheat on you again with someone else? 
On the other side of the door, Brock was also breaking down into tears, trying to hold them back till he got into his car, that’s when he let it all go. Yelling at himself about being so stupid to let it happen, to let you go like that. Brock didn’t say it but he was still in love with you, so in love that he’s acting insane, sitting in his car as he sniffed the hoodies he left for you, they all smelt like you, everything did.
The second time
Things with you and Jake stayed the same, you and him had always been the closest out of all of Brocks teammates and honestly, he was the only one to reached out genuinely. And tonight he just so happened to ask you to go out for drinks, he knew the team was going on a long road trip next week and had to catch up with you before he left. Usually you would be dreading for the Canucks to go on a road trip since Brock would be gone, but this time? You were happy, happy that there was no chance of you running into Brock randomly. 
“Hey you probably don’t wanna hear this but Brock was talking about you non-stop today.” Jake mumbled with a frown, you sighed and gave him a look, telling Jake to tell you what Brock said immediately. “He said his mom asked about you, and then it just turned into a spiral of Brock rambling about how stupid he was and that he misses you.” “I miss him too, so much. I don’t know if I could ever talk to him again, he really broke me.” You mumbled, looking down and fidgeting with the straw of your drink. 
The conversation died down, the both of you taking a minute to think about Brock and yours relationship when your guys’ song came on. Somehow the lyrics hurt this time, it was no longer happy and joyful for you to listen to it. Instead it was dreadful, waiting for the song to finish before you couldn’t take it anymore and asked if you could end the night early.
Jake gave you a nice, tight hug before the two of you had to go separate ways. “Hey, I’m always here, just shoot me a text or call me if you need someone. I love you.” Jake mumbled into the top of your head as you nodded. “Thank you, I love you too Virtanen.” You smiled at him before heading back to your apartment.
The third time
Brock walked through the door and watch greeted by his dogs, smiling and chuckling as he pet them before heading to the kitchen, which was always where you where if Brock came home after a road trip or practice around dinner time. Except for, this time you weren’t, you were sitting in your bed in your apartment crying. About how you shouldn’t have let Brock go, even though you were the one who ended things with him. 
Brock sighed, tossing his phone on the counter before looking in the fridge for something to eat. Which, there was nothing. Brock didn’t realize till now how much he depended on you, it wasn’t like he couldn’t do all of those things on his own. He just didn’t have time, he never had time to take care of himself. You were always there for him though, there to help him out so he could be focusing on hockey. 
Brock pulled up your contact in his phone and went to go text it, writing sentences over and over again after deleting them. He couldn’t bring himself to text you, he knew what he did was wrong but he also wanted you back, just as bad as you did. And you? You were doing the same thing, wishing you were in his arms, happy instead of crying, with him instead of being lonely. You were about to text Jake about everything when you saw the little text bubble next to Brocks name,  at first you thought it was a glitch so you refreshed the app, but the you went back it was still there, you sighed and took a screenshot, sending it to Jake before you could even process what was happening. “Does he miss me too?” You mumbled to yourself out loud before trying to forget about it. 
The one time you realized you were the one for each other
You don’t know how but you found yourself at the park that you and Brock used to always bring his dog to for late night walks, so many memories were made there. But now, they’re just killing you. You sat down on a bench, taking in everything before you noticed a dog right next to you, jumping on you to get your attention. It was Coolie.
“Hey.” You grinned as you pet Coolie and he licked you face over and over again. It wasn’t long before the panic settled in, that you were gonna have to face Brock and that he wasn’t definitely somewhere near. 
“I’m so sorry, Coolie come here.” Brock didn’t even notice it was you until he grabbed Coolies harness and took him off of you. “It’s okay.” You smiled at him. Brock was shocked, shocked that you were here and that you were smiling at him, you motioned for him to sit down next to you and you scooted over right against him, laying your head on his chest. 
“It’s like the first time we met.” You said quietly. “I was sitting here and Coolie ran over to me, he was just a puppy at the time.” You looked up and smiled at Brock, who was still confused at what was going on but went along with it cause he missed you, way too much. 
“Yeah,” He paused his sentence with a chuckle before finishing it. “Holy fuck I missed you, everything about you.” Brock kissed the top of your head, the same familiar feeling was there, you didn’t know how to describe it but you felt like you were home, Brock was your home. “I missed you even more.” 
“I’m sorry for what I did, I don't know what I was thinking.” You heard him mumble quietly. 
You sat up straight and cupped Brocks cheek with you hand and the both of you smiled at each other. “It’s okay Brock, just please don’t do it again.” He smiled and nodded at your words, knowing you had truly forgiven him. “I promise.” He whispered. “Promise me something else,” You said quietly. “Anything, as long as you’re back in my life.” 
“Never leave me again, ever.” Brock responded with a nod before pulling you in for a kiss, his lips were softer than you remembered. For the past month you had been fantasizing about this and it actually happened. 
“Never, it’s always going to be you.” Brock whispered.    
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justlookfrightened · 4 years
Text
Birthday surprises
For the prompt: Jack secretly loves surprise parties
“So how did you celebrate Canada Day when you were growing up?’ Bitty asked, carrying the pie to the table. “Was it like the Fourth of July, with parades and fireworks and red and white bunting everywhere?”
“Sort of,” Jack said. “It wasn’t such a big deal in Montreal, because, y’know, Quebec. A few years ago they made it moving day in Quebec just to screw with the government in Montreal.”
“Moving day?” Bitty asked. “Wait just a second.”
He turned to the counter behind him and picked up a small Candian flag, which he stuck in the middle of the pie.
“Happy Canada Day!”
“Euh, thanks,” Jack said. “Moving day is when everyone’s leases end and their new leases start. So thousands of people are moving on Canada Day. There were always fireworks over the harbor, though. Sometimes we’d go see them if we were in town.”
“Well, then, happy moving day,” Bitty said. “So not much like Madison on the Fourth of July?”
“Bits, nothing is like Madison on the Fourth of July,” Jack said.
“I’m sure the fireworks aren’t as good --”
“I have very fond memories of the fireworks in Madison,” Jack said. “Best fireworks of my life. Are you okay staying here for the Fourth this year?”
Bitty shrugged.
“I guess so,” he said. “The shop’s just getting on its feet, and I can’t really take much time off yet, and that would mean flying down on the morning of the fourth and back the next day. And Mama and Coach said they’d come up to see us for a weekend before school starts down there. We can still go to the fireworks and all here on the Fourth, right?”
“Your parents are coming up?” Jack asked. “Do you know when?”
“Beginning of August,” Bitty said. “Don’t worry, though. I’ll make sure their visit doesn’t conflict with your big birthday celebration.”
“My … what?”
“Your birthday?” Bitty said. “You’re turning 30 a little over a month from today. Don’t tell me you forgot.”
“No, but a big celebration?”
“Oh, no, sweet pea,” Bitty said. “I meant ‘big birthday,’ like turning 30 is a big deal. Not a big celebration for your birthday. I know you don’t like that kind of thing.”
“Oh,” Jack said, looking down at his pie. “Okay. That’s good.”
“Unless you want my parents here for your birthday?” Bitty said. “I was thinking your parents might come, but … I’m sure my folks would be happy to.”
“No,” Jack said. “No, that’s fine.”
****
“I’m so glad you and Bits decided to do this,” Shitty said, taking another drag on his joint. “You guys aren’t usually around on the Fourth, but the rest of this summer looks crazy for me, and then you have the season coming up. I wouldn’t want it to be too long between visits.”
“Crazy this summer?” Jack said. “What’s up?”
“Work stuff,” Shitty said. “It looks like we’re going to trial against that chemical plant at the end of August, and it’s gonna be like seven days a week getting ready. I already told Lards to prepare for work-widowhood.”
“Yeah?” Jack said. “How’d she take that?”
“I’m not sure,” Shitty said. “You think I’m crazy enough to say shit like that when she’s awake?”
“Haha.”
“No, seriously, she’s leaving next week for a six-week residency at some artist colony in the Berkshires, and then she’s got a show to mount for the gallery at the end of August. I’m not sure she’ll even notice.”
“Come on, Shits,” Jack said. “You know she will.”
“I know,” Shitty said. “It’s just fucking hard sometimes, you know? I mean, it seemed like all the lawyers I knew when I was a kid had lunch and played golf all day. Plenty of time for fucking around. Too late I learned it doesn’t work that way in the public interest sector. And who knew being a successful artist was so time-consuming? How do you and Bits make it work?”
Jack shrugged. It was difficult, with his life consumed by hockey and Bitty’s time taken up more and more by a successful career in -- baking media? Jack wasn’t even sure what to call it, since Bits wasn’t just a baker, just a cookbook author, just an Internet and TV personality. He somehow did all of that, and just this summer had lent his name, personality, and talent to a new shop that sold both baked goods and baking equipment (toys for bakers, Bitty called them) in Providence.
“Remember Bits’ birthday in May?” Jack asked.
“Yeah,” Shitty said. “The big two-five. Remember how you wanted to throw him a surprise party? That was never gonna happen. Like that boy would ever let anyone else control the menu.”
“I guess you're right,” Jack said. “But I like surprising him. Remember Betsy II?”
“That was sweet,” Shitty said. “And the proposal at Faber, too, you romantic son of a gun.”
“Who told him about the surprise party in May?”
“Uh --”
“Was it you?”
“No.”
“Was it Lardo?”
“Um, she maybe told him not to make plans for that day? Because he was telling her he wanted to plan an overnight getaway because it was the only time it would work with your schedule?” Shitty said. “He took it from there. My understanding is that you caved under questioning.”
“Yeah,” Jack said. “I guess I did.”
“But don’t worry, brah,” Shitty said. “If I heard about a plan for a surprise party for you, I would totally warn you. I know you’re not into that.”
“Euh, okay?” Jack said. “But --”
“I got your back, brah,” Shitty said, giving Jack an exaggerated wink and nod just as Bitty and Lardo pushed open the sliding door and carried trays of drinks and snacks to the terrace.
“So what did we miss?” Bitty said. “Fireworks haven’t started yet, have they?”
“Nope,” Shitty said. “You’re just in time.”
****
“Jack?” Bitty asked, looking up from his laptop. “Do you know where you want to go for your birthday dinner?”
“Birthday dinner?” Jack said. “We’re not having it here?”
“Well, since I know you don’t like parties, and thirty is kind of a big deal, I thought maybe we should go out.”
“Who said I don’t like parties?” Jack said, pausing the tape of the last game of the Stanley Cup final.
“Please, sweetpea,” Bitty said. “I used to have to beg to get you to show your face at a kegster, and your mama’s told the story about you hiding under the bed to get out of going to that banquet more than a dozen times.”
“I was six,” Jack said.
“I know, sugar, and you haven’t changed a bit,” Bitty said. Then his eyes dropped to Jack’s chest, and lower, and Jack suddenly felt warm. “Except in the obvious ways. I was thinking Hemenway’s for seafood or maybe Waterman Grille or Al Forno with your parents. But it might make more sense to go the night before. Hemenway’s at least is closed on Mondays. Then on the night of your actual birthday, we can eat at home. Steaks on the grill, maybe? Do you want to invite your parents for that, too, or have it be just the two of us?”
Jack wanted to protest that he could want a party even if he didn’t want the debauchery of a kegster, and he shouldn’t be judged by his six-year-old self not wanting to go to a stuffy banquet (even if he still didn’t like stuffy banquets). But the moment seemed to have passed, and really, what Bitty was planning was fine.
Maybe he would get a surprise party for his fortieth, when he wasn’t playing and his friends’ careers were more stable and everyone had more time.
“Any of them are good, but Papa really likes Al Forno,” Jack said. “And I guess they can come on Monday for dinner, as long as they leave early.”
“Now, Jack, that’s not very hospitable of you,” Bitty said with a smirk. “I almost think you have plans. Maybe once I finish making this reservation you can give me a preview.”
He pecked at the keyboard for a few more moments and then closed the laptop.
“Ready when you are, Mr. Zimmermann.”
Jack clicked off the TV and followed Bitty to the bedroom.
****
“Maman?”
Jack had put off this call until Bitty left for the market.
It wasn’t like his husband was a busybody or nosy. It was just that, what with Jack’s schedule, and the wedding, and Bitty’s career, they were still in the condo Jack bought for himself in Providence when he signed. It wasn’t really small -- it probably had almost as much square footage as the Haus, and only two of them living there -- but it was mostly open-plan and Bitty would know if Jack was hiding in the office to call his parents. Which he was supposed to have done two weeks ago.
“Jacky!” his mother said. “It’s been ages. I saw those pictures you posted from your beach excursion last weekend. It looked like the two of you had fun. But I didn’t know you got a dog.”
“We didn’t?”
“But Bitty --”
“Was playing with a dog in a lot of the pictures?” Jack said.
The dog had run up to their picnic blanket when they moved off the beach proper, into the shady park, for lunch. Jack wasn’t sure exactly what kind it was. It was black and brown, like he thought of a German shepherd being, but much smaller, with long, skinny legs, a pointy nose and floppy ears.
Bitty had immediately started cooing over and petting the creature, despite Jack pointing out that they didn’t know who it belonged to, if it belonged to anyone, where it had been, if it was friendly.
“You don’t know if this dog is friendly?” Bitty had been incredulous. It was pretty ridiculous, given that the dog was more or less washing Bitty’s face with its tongue while Bitty giggled. “And she has a collar. And a tag. Stand still, girl.”
Bitty had still been trying to read the tag, and Jack was still taking pictures, when a teenage girl ran up, a leash in her hand.
“There you are, Eleanor! I’m so sorry! She just jumped out of the car and took off as soon as I opened the door. Eleanor, come!”
“No worries,” Bitty had said, holding the dog while her person clipped the leash to her collar. “We’re always happy to visit with a friendly puppy.”
Jack had been thinking about adopting a dog ever since, if only to see Bitty giggle so much. A dog that could go on runs with him, and keep Bitty company when Jack had to be gone … it might be a good idea. But it wasn’t something to surprise Bitty with. If they adopted a dog, it had to be a joint decision.
“That was just a dog that got loose and came to visit,” Jack said. “Although now that you mention it, I wonder if Bitty might like to have a dog around. I’ll have to ask him.”
“Judging from those pictures, I’m pretty certain he’ll approve,” Alicia said. “Now, did you need to talk about something?”
“Euh, the plans for my birthday?” Jack said. “Bitty wants to take you and Papa to Al Forno on the second, and then cook dinner here on the third.”
“Bitty wants to?” Alicia said. “What about you?”
“I’m not sure why we need to do both,” Jack admitted. “Either would be fine with me. But he seemed set on going out to celebrate because it’s my thirtieth, and a lot of restaurants are closed on Monday. And he was equally set on celebrating on the day of. But he has to work early the next day, so it’ll be an early dinner.”
“You never did like a lot of fuss,” his mother said, not calling him on what he thought was an obvious … not untruth, exactly, Maybe more of a manipulation? “Grumpypants. Of course your father and I will be there for both.”
“I don’t mind fuss,” Jack said.
“Jack, mon coeur, when have you enjoyed people getting together to focus on you?”
“They had a birthday dinner for me at the Haus,” Jack said. “Before my senior year. Bitty made a pie and everything.”
“Were you part of the planning for this dinner?” Alicia said. “Did you even know about it?”
“It just sort of … happened,” Jack said. “But it was nice.”
“Jack, dear, was that the first time Bitty made a pie especially for you?” his mother asked. “Forgive me, but that might have more to do with your fond memories.”
****
“Jack, what kind of pie do you want for your birthday?”
Bitty was sauntering between the farmer’s market booths while Jack trailed along, watching Bitty more than looking at the produce.
“Pie?” Jack asked. “Don’t most people get cake for their birthdays?”
“Do you even know me?” Bitty asked, then turned to examine at a table full of cherries.
Jack accompanied Bitty to the farmer’s market almost every Saturday in the summer. It was an errand, sure, but some weeks it was also the closest they got to a date.
Bitty would probably scoff at that. What did they need with dates, now they were an old married couple? Neither of their schedules permitted a regular date night most of the time, anyway. But in the summer, at least, they had Saturday mornings at the market.
“If you know me, you know what kind of pie I want,” Jack said.
“Maple-crusted apple,” Bitty confirmed, then shook his head sadly. “Have you seen these cherries, Jack? Or the blueberries? There will even be decent peaches up here by the beginning of August. Apples won’t be in season for another six weeks or so.”
It was a familiar argument with no heat in it.
Jack shrugged.
“I like what I like,” he said. “And there are always apples available. You know you’ll make it for me. And something else for whoever wants it.”
“See, you do know me,” Bitty said. He stopped in front of the booth with honey soap but paid it no mind. “Jack, are we becoming old and boring?”
“We always were old and boring,” Jack said. “From the beginning of time.”
“First, speak for yourself, old man,” Bitty said. “Second, I’m not sure whether that was a chirp or flirting. Don’t you know you had me at ‘Eat more protein’?”
“That’s not what you said then.”
“Hush,” Bitty said. “I mean, you don’t have to have the same thing for your birthday every year. Branch out a bit. Maybe a pear tart?”
“I wanted to do something different for your birthday, but then everyone went and told you,” Jack said.
“I’m sorry, sweetpea,” Bitty said. “I would have gone along with it and pretended it was a surprise, but I had to get out of other plans somehow. And people did want to eat. Good food.”
“By which you mean your food,” Jack said.
“I like to think I have a reputation to uphold,” Bitty said, stopping to examine some melons. “Truthfully, I kind of wish I hadn’t found out. You give good surprises.”
“Yeah?”
“Come on, you moose. You know I would have married you after you bought me Betsy II,” Bitty said. “Too bad parties aren’t your thing. Could you imagine a party with all your mom’s A-list friends and your hockey uncles, plus your team and Kent and all? It would be the talk of Providence.”
Jack shuddered.
“Definitely not my thing,” he said.
“I know, sweetpea,” Bitty said. “Besides, celebrating on our own has its advantages. Catch.”
He tossed Jack an eggplant with a smirk
Jack groaned. “Really, Bits?”
“Sorry,” Bitty said. “That was bad. I have what I need. Ready to head home?”
****
Jack was set up and sitting at his computer, half-listening to Bitty going on about whether his deadlines for the next cookbook were remotely reasonable, when the call from Tater came through.
“Zimmboni!” The image of Tater on the screen waved. “Hey, Tater,” Jack said.
“Is that little B?”
Tater’s face moved, like he was trying to see around Jack.
“Yeah, Bitty’s here,” Jack said, waving a hand to get his husband’s attention. “You want to say hi?”
Bitty leaned over his shoulder.
“Hey, Tater! You look good. How’s the family?” he asked.
“Everyone is good,” Tater said. “My mother and my sister Tatiana want to visit this year, so they can meet the baker I’m always talking about.”
“I’d be honored and delighted,” Bitty said. “Don’t forget those recipes you wanted me to try, alright? We can work on them together. You translate and I bake.”
“You speak better Russian you think!” Tater said.
“That’s what you think,” Bitty said. “I have to go to the shop. ПοКа!”
“Bye, Bits,” Jack said. “So, Tater, how’s the conditioning? You keeping up with it?”
“Of course,” Tater said. “Russian training every day.”
“And Russian home cooking every night?”
“Of course,” Tater agreed, grinning.
“How’s everything else?” Jack said. “When are you heading back?”
“Not long now,” Tater said. “No plane ticket yet, but early August, probably. We have dinner then, yes? To celebrate you becoming an old man.”
“Uh, we can have dinner,” Jack said. “But it doesn’t have to be for my birthday. Just to celebrate getting ready for a new season is enough.”
“Why don’t you celebrate?” Tater said. “I hear from Marty, Snowy, Thirdy, all the guys, that Jack is having a big birthday and didn’t invite them to the party. I say, ‘You know Jack. He probably isn’t even having a party.’ And they say, ‘You’re right, Tater. Jack hates parties.’”
“I don’t hate parties,” Jack said.
“You were not at Marty’s daughter’s party,” Tater countered.
“That was a kid birthday,” Jack said. “And Bitty had to go to New York for work that day, so I went with him.”
“Right,” Tater said. “But Bitty would be here for your party.”
“I’m not having a party,” Jack said.
“But you could if you want,” Tater said. “So you don’t want. So why do you hate parties?”
Jack ignored the question in favor of saying, “Just let me know when you're coming in, and I’ll pick you up at the airport if you want,” Jack said. “As long as you shut up about the party.”
“What party?”
****
Jack put on the new blue suit that Maman and Bitty had agreed (insisted, more like) that he should buy. He hesitated over the tie: stripes? paisley? miniature hockey sticks that Papa would find amusing?
No. If he couldn’t be sentimental on his birthday, when could he be? He picked up his pale blue tie, the one Bits told him brought out his eyes on his graduation day, and slid it around his neck.
Bitty was already ready, he knew, in a charcoal grey suit that he got from Jack’s tailor. Getting to see Bitty all dressed up almost made it worth it to Jack to put on a suit on a Sunday in the summer. Well, that and the look that Bitty gave Jack when he emerged from the bedroom.
“You always did clean up nice,” Bitty said. He picked up two boxes of baked goods -- a pie in one, and a couple of kinds of cookies in the other.
“You’re taking food to a restaurant?”
“No, of course not,” Bitty said. “The cookies are for Lauren downstairs. She has a shower to go to and she wanted to bring something. They’re shaped like … you know.”
“Babies?”
“No, a bridal shower,” Bitty said. “A lingerie shower.”
At Jack’s blank look, Bitty muttered something under his breath and said, “A party where they give the bride-to-be sexy underwear and tell naughty jokes.”
“So the cookies look like underwear?” Jack said, all innocence.
“No, Jack,” Bitty said. “They look like dicks, okay?”
“What about the pie?”
“That’s for your mom and dad,” Bitty said. “We’re supposed to meet them at the hotel. They can drop the pie off in their room and then we’ll go to dinner.”
That meant going inside the hotel, probably. Which meant parking and then retrieving the car, and pleasantries in the hotel lobby, and …
“Are you sure we’ll make our reservation?” Jack asked. “I’d hate to get all dressed up for nothing.”
“Aw, sweetpea, I think I can guarantee that won’t happen,” Bitty said, reaching up to pat Jack’s face and give him a peck on the lips. “Let’s go. I don’t want to be late.”
Jack pulled up at the hotel valet stand, and when he got out, said, “We’ll only be a few minutes. Keep it close, eh?” with a twenty-dollar bill folded into his palm.
“Your folks said they’d meet us down here,” Bitty said, heading into the lobby. His head swiveled and stopped when he caught sight of Jack’s parents at the hotel bar. Both had drinks in front of them. Great. They’d want to finish, and there might be a bill to settle, too.
He followed as Bitty picked his way across the lobby, exchanged a half-hug with his father while his mother swept Bitty into her arms, and then traded places.
“Jack, you look wonderful,” Alicia said, finally letting go and holding him at arm’s length. “You both do. This summer has agreed with you.”
“Thanks, Maman,” Jack said. “You look great too. Um, are you two almost ready to go?”
“The pie, Jack!” Bitty said.
“Oh, and I have something upstairs to show you, Bitty,” Alicia said. “Come up with me and we can leave the pie in the room.”
“Fine,” Bob said. “That’ll give me time to watch the end of this round.”
Jack looked at the TVs above the bar. He couldn’t mean the golf tournament? Who knew what time that would end? But it was that or … competitive cornhole?
“Only a couple more tosses,” Bob confirmed. “If this one pushes that bag in, they’ve got it.”
“You have got to be kidding me,” Jack said.
“Oh, come on, Jack, relax.” Bob said. “It’s fun. Sit down and tell me about your summer.”
“It’s been more Bitty’s summer than mine, with the shop and this new book he’s working on,” Jack said. “He’s been busy.”
“I remember those days,” Bob said. “When I’d finish the season so tired I didn’t know how I’d even haul myself upstairs to the bedroom, and by the time I was ready to face the world again, your mother would be on location on the other side of the world somewhere. I always wondered why our schedules couldn’t align.”
“It wasn’t her fault,” Jack said.
“Of course not,” Bob said. “Any more than it was mine. Hockey season is hockey season, and filming schedules are filming schedules, and cute little shops on streets popular with tourists open during the summer.”
“No, I know,” Jack said. “I wasn’t complaining.”
He stopped at the look his father gave him.
“Okay, I was complaining, but not about Bitty,” Jack said. “Just the way things worked out this summer. I was thinking we could maybe have a party for my birthday this year --”
“You haven’t wanted a birthday party since you were eight!”
“Not a big party,” Jack said. “Just a few people. But Shitty’s in the middle of preparing for a big trial, and Lardo’s off being an artist in residence somewhere, and Tater’s not back yet. Bitty’s too busy to plan anything anyway, and no one would let me plan it.”
“Get it all out, son,” Bob said. “Before your mother and your husband get downstairs. Even if Bitty didn’t plan a party, he did plan this evening for you, and it doesn’t do to feel sorry for yourself on your birthday. Especially when you have someone who thinks the sun rises and sets on you like he does.”
“I know,” Jack said, then caught sight of the time on one of the TVs.
“Oh, no. We’re late for our reservation.”
“We’ll make it.”
“No, we’re late. Already. Maybe I should call them?”
He was picking up his phone when he saw Alicia, carrying a large shopping bag, and Bitty crossing the lobby from the elevator. Bitty was on the phone. Of course he had it handled.
Bitty did not have it handled.
He hadn’t said anything about the reservation to Jack on the way to Al Forno, just squeezed Jack’s hand on the console as they pulled away from the hotel.
“I really hope you enjoy tonight,” Bitty said.
They left the car with the restaurant valet and headed straight into trouble.
“Bittle-Zimmermann, party of four,” Bitty told the maitre d’. “We have reservations.”
The maitre d’ scanned his sheet, made a face, and looked up at Bitty.
“This reservation is for thirty minutes ago,” he said.
“I know,” Bitty said, “And I’m sorry we’re late.”
“Surely half an hour can’t be a problem,” Bob said, trying to shoulder his way into the conversation, folded bill just visible between his fingers. “We promise not to linger. It’s my son’s birthday.”
“Papa!” Jack hissed, tugging at his father’s sleeve like he was eight years old again. “Let Bitty handle it.”
“Yes, Bob,” Alicia said, drawing herself up to full height and looming over the desk. “My son-in-law, Eric Bittle-Zimmermann, has this under control.”
Jack took a moment to be pleased that his mother knew Eric’s name would have more clout than theirs in a restaurant.
“I’m sorry,” the maitre d’ said. “But we gave that table away not five minutes ago. We didn’t think you were going to show up.”
“We can wait for another table,” Bitty said.
“Not tonight,” the maitre d’ said, looking truly regretful. If Bitty had liked the dinner and mentioned it on his vlog, that would have been very good for the restaurant. “We have a large private party coming in. I’m afraid it won’t be possible.”
Bitty’s face fell and Jack’s heart clenched.
“It’s fine, bud,” Jack said. “We have the food for tomorrow at home. We can go make dinner, and then head to the store in the morning. It’s not a big deal.”
“It is a big deal,” Bitty said. “It’s your birthday. I planned this dinner, and it’s my fault it got screwed up. Your mother wanted to show me your present and I got to rambling on … and why can’t I pay more attention? I’m sorry, Jack. I spoiled your birthday dinner.”
“Bitty, it’s okay, really,” Jack said.
“Perhaps next week?” the maitre d’ suggested.
“But then it won’t be Jack’s birthday anymore,” Bitty said.
“Perhaps the gentlemen would take a coupon for their next meal here?” the maitre d’ said. “For the inconvenience.”
“That’s not necessary,” Bitty said. “It was my fault.”
“I insist,” the maitre d’ said.
Jack took the offered envelope and slid it into his jacket pocket.
“Come on, Bits,” he said. “It’s not the end of the world.”
He ducked closer and whispered, “At least we can get out of the suits, eh?”
“Jack!” Bitty said, giggling through his frown. “Your parents are here!”
“Not what I meant, bud,” Jack said, but he grinned, because he’d gotten a laugh from Bitty.
“Need anything before we go home?” Jack asked while they waited for the car. “Or do you want to just pick up dinner on the way?”
“I think we have all the food we need,” Bitty said. “Maybe a bottle of champagne? Shoot, no, it’s just after six.”
“Just after six?” Bob said.
“Rhode Island law,” Jack said. “No packaged liquor after 6 p.m. on Sundays.”
“So unless you want to drop me at home to get started and drive to Attleboro, a champagne toast will have to wait for tomorrow,” Bitty said.
“We don’t need champagne,” Jack said. “Come on, let’s head home.”
Jack drove again, Bitty in the passenger seat next to him, his parents in the back. It was completely normal, and that thought struck him as odd. Here he was, 30 years old tomorrow, married to Eric Bittle, the love of his life. His parents loved Eric, too, and were here to celebrate with them, and in a few weeks he’d be getting ready for training camp for next season. He wished his 18-year-old self could have seen this future. It was better than anything he’d ever expected.
He would have liked to celebrate with Shitty and Lardo, Tater, maybe Marty and Gabby and Thirdy and Carrie, but this was good, too. Better than he had any right to expect.
He stopped at a red light and glanced at Bitty, who was also looking at him, a sly grin on his face.
“What?” Jack said. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“It’s your birthday,” Bitty said.
“Not until tomorrow,” Jack said.
“You know what I mean.”
Jack took Bitty’s hand in the elevator when they got back to the building and held it for the whole ride up. He was still holding it when he got to the door and opened it.
He dropped it as the crowd shouted “Surprise!”
“What the --”
“Surprise, sweetpea,” Bitty said, reaching up to whisper to him. “You can still change out of your suit if you want.”
“Jackabelle!” Shitty was there to claim a hug. He wasn’t dressed in a suit, but he was dressed. Jack probably should thank Lardo for that. And there she was, hanging back, talking to Gabby.
So Marty was here somewhere -- by the pool table, talking to Tater while Snowy lined up a shot. Thirdy was in the corner, deep in conversation with Coach Bittle, and there were Suzanne and Carrie bringing more napkins in from the kitchen.
The island was covered with catering trays from … Al Forno, and Jack could see a maple-crusted apple pie among a selection on the kitchen counter. There was also a cake and some cake pops (for the kids? Were they here?) and it looked like someone (Shitty, probably) had been serving drinks from the bar. There was a bottle of champagne chilling.
Jack’s mother slipped past him to deposit the gift bag on the hall table with the other gifts.
“Happy birthday, Jacky,” she said. “When Bitty said our job was to help distract you, I wasn’t sure we could pull it off. I thought you might insist on leaving for the restaurant too early.”
“You were in on this?” Jack said.
“Everybody was,” Bitty said. “Even the maitre d’ at Al Forno.”
“But the gift certificate …”
“A gift from me to you,” Bitty said. “For when we can have dinner, just the two of us.”
The rest of the evening went by in a blur of conversations and congratulations. Marty and Thirdy’s kids were there, hiding in the guest room, watching gamers play Animal Crossing on YouTube and coloring, but they came out to help blow out his candles.
“What about your trial coming up?” Jack asked Shitty. “And your residency?” he asked Lardo.
“Those are both real,” Lardo said. “But a funny thing about being an artist in residence: They don’t lock you in. And Shits needed a break for a little while.”
Coach Bittle looked tickled to be sharing a room with so many professional athletes, and Suzanne helped Bitty shuttle food and dishes in and out of the kitchen.
“Told you they’d want to celebrate your birthday,” Bitty said. “They flew in this morning and Shitty picked them up at the airport. They were waiting around the corner for us to leave.”
“You do like parties!” Tater boomed at Jack before leaving. “I knew it! But it took your husband to invite me.”
“That’s because it was a surprise, Tater,” Bitty said. “Jack didn’t know.”
Once everyone was gone -- not too late, because it was a Sunday -- Jack helped Bitty stow the leftovers and wash the dishes.
“How’d you know?” he asked Bitty.
“Know what, hon?”
“That I wanted a party,” Jack said. “A surprise party.”
“Jack, sweet pea, you’ve been moping around this house for weeks,” Bitty said. “All woe-is-me because your friends were busy this weekend. Of course you wanted a party. And you wouldn’t have tried to plan a surprise party for me unless you at least didn’t hate the idea.”
“How did you do such a good job planning it?” Jack said. “I really didn’t know.”
“You don’t have a suspicious mind?” Bitty said. ”Now come on. It’s nearly midnight. Let’s get to bed and you can have another birthday surprise.”
****
Jack groaned when he opened his eyes the next morning. It was late, later than he usually slept anyway. But he’d been up late the night before.
He could hear Bitty in the kitchen, opening drawers and moving plates and cookware around. Coffee was ready, probably.
He got up, dragged a T-shirt over his head and tugged on a pair of shorts, and wandered down the hall.
“Morning, bud,” Jack said.
“Jack, happy birthday!” Bitty said. “Breakfast’s almost ready, and I put all the cards and gifts from last night on the table.”
Jack worked his way through them, shaking his head at Shitty’s selection of boxer briefs emblazoned with the logos of female superheroes and grateful for the small painting from Lardo. There were restaurant gift certificates and a tie from Papa (“You always wear that old blue one!”) and reading glasses from Marty.
Then he opened his mother’s gift. It was a flat box, and it held a red leather leash and collar, along with a gift certificate for adoption fees from the animal shelter.
The enclosed note said, “I think this will be a good gift for both of you, but of course I’m not about to surprise you with a puppy. Take your time deciding which dog to adopt. In the meantime, know that there was also a $10,000 donation in your name to help support all the animals.”
“Bits,” Jack said. “Did you have any plans this morning?”
“Nothing in particular,” Bitty said. “Maybe see my parents at some point. D’you mind if they come for dinner?”
“Of course not,” Jack said. “But do you think we could go to the animal shelter?”
211 notes · View notes
softyhyunjin · 4 years
Text
ldr ⊵ bang chan
Description: Distance definitely makes the heart grow fonder.
Tumblr media
இ genre: friends to lovers, ldr, college au, angst?, def fluff             
இ pairing: chan x reader                                                                              
இ word count: 12.5k
warnings?: there’s alc, and a pretty mf hot chan
a/n: @changbeanie it’s been a while ´・ᴗ・` wow, just wow 
↫ i ↬
“Chan, I need to spill the tea!”
He came to a halt, setting aside his unopened One Piece mystery figures. When he looked into the camera lens, his brows knit together in a little frown. 
“No Y/N, you can’t spill the tea! The tea is hot, and if you spill it, you are gonna get burned,” Chan playfully scolded you and laughed shortly after. 
“I’m serious Chan,” you whined, covering your face to hide your warm cheeks. Chan laughed even more. You didn’t know whether he was laughing at you or his joke. Maybe it was both. 
He calmed down and leaned back into his gaming chair. Sighing in content, he looked at you from his monitor, smiling softly. “Go ahead, tell me,” Chan said. 
“Can I really?” You removed your hands from your face and rolled your eyes. 
“Yes, now go!” He chuckled. 
“I caught Changbin on a date with someone!” 
Chan faked a gasp, “Ahhh, no way.”
“Oh, so you knew?”
“Yes, but I’d like you to finish spilling the tea.”
“That’s all I wanted to spill,” you scoffed. Of course, Chan would know about Changbin’s love life, he was close to all his friends after all. Now, your reasoning for calling him went down the drain. Useless. 
Chan shrugged, “He already told me his plan to confess to his crush a while back, so I’m not surprised. Ruby, I think that’s her name? Yeah.” 
“Okay, goodnight then. I’ll call you later this week if I can,” you sighed in defeat, swiping your mouse pad to hang up. 
“Wait, wait, wait. Y/N, you didn’t even let me finish opening the package you sent me. Don’t you want to see who I got?” His eyes lit up at his unopened One Piece figures. 
“Not really, it cost me a fortune to ship it out to you,” you spun around in your chair, faking disinterest to the birthday boy, but in reality, you wanted to stretch the call as long as you could. You really missed him. 
Chan had been studying abroad in Berlin for two months. You remember him speaking to you about it and listing his options in order: Berlin, Dublin, and Paris. When you asked why he placed Berlin as his first choice, he said its nightlife attracted him the most, which isn’t surprising, considering the night owl he is. And bonus, it was cheaper than his other options. 
“Should I call Woojin to watch me unbox instead, then?” He cocked his brow. 
“Do you really want him to watch you unbox it?” You pouted.
“Noo, I want you to watch me. But… I guess you don’t wanna,” Bang Chan shrugged.
“Ugh, you already know I do.”
“Then why didn’t you say so in the first place?” He teased further, enjoying his ability to easily earn a reaction from you. 
“Are you coming back to Sydney for Thanksgiving?” You responded with a question. 
“No, it would be pointless because I have to immediately fly back to Berlin for finals. Maybe I should stay here until the 22nd of December. Besides, I’m gonna miss it here. Oh-“ He excitedly tore off the wrap of his gift, “Tony Tony Chopper. I had a feeling I would get him,” he laughed. 
“Oh,” you said in a small voice but quickly hid your disappointment and smiled. “I was hoping you’d get him.”
Inside, you were pretty bummed out. Not seeing Chan for over a month was torture. Whatever you wanted to try would have to wait until he got back: the new restaurant by the mall, going on a fishing trip, and using the remaining benefits of your favorite amusement park’s season pass. Most importantly, you chose to wait for him to come home so that the two of you could binge-watch the latest season of Stranger Things. 
Chan had already caught the disappointment in your voice and put down the Tony Tony Chopper figure. Propping his elbow onto the desk, he used his palm to cup his chin, leaning into the monitor. Although he was ten thousand miles away, the gesture made him feel closer to you and Sydney. “You know that’s not what I meant. I miss home, my mum’s cooking, hanging with the guys, and cuddling with Berry. I get homesick at times, but I love it here.”
“I know, I’m just bored without you. I want to go bar hopping in Sydney again,” you groaned, feeling bad for making Chan explain himself when he didn’t even need to. 
“Tch, you just want to see the guys drunk call their girlfriends again.”
“Not even! I only want to see Hyunjin drunk call his girlfriend, it’s so cute when he whines to her about wanting to be the little spoon. He gets so embarrassed whenever Jisung and I show him the recordings,” you cackled like a witch. 
Chan shook his head in disapproval, chuckling at your words, “Y/N, You’re so evil. Just wait until you’re the one to drunk call somebody.”
“Who knows? Maybe I’ll have somebody by the time you come back,” you shrugged. 
“Oooh, well, do you?” 
“We’ll just have to wait until the next time we go bar hopping.”
“Then, you’re gonna have to wait for another two months,” he sang through the screen, his hand reaching for the mouse to select a song on one of his Spotify playlists. 
SLANDER & Said the Sky - Potions (ft. JT Roach)
“It’s going to be a long wait,” you sighed, drumming your fingers against your desk. 
“Every time you said a word, I was starin' at your lips. I don't think I've ever been so close to a love like this,” he sang along before taking a pause to say, “I’ll be home before you know it.”
Shooting him with a finger gun, you suggested, “Ahah! Are drinks gonna be on you?” 
“Shouldn’t you be buying? I’m the one coming home.”
You scowled. “Ask the boys because you miss them.”
“Don’t worry, I miss you too,” Chan easily confessed, bobbing his head to the drop of the bass. 
↫ ii ↬
“Gobble gobble gobble!” 
“Shut up, we don’t even have a turkey,” Minho said, slapping Jisung’s ass when he took up the entire couch. 
Jisung scooted enough for Minho to sit and used his lap as a pillow, “Hey, I told everyone to pitch in for our lovely Friendsgiving, but nooo! So, it ain’t my problem.”
“We pitched in for beef, that’s even better,” Hyunjin said, jumping back when the meat hit the electric grill, abruptly sizzling and splattering oil onto his hand. 
“Gimme that, you’re going to end up burning the meat and your hand,” Jeongin took the metal tongs from Hyunjin, increasing the temperature of the grill and adding more slices of brisket. 
“Haha, who are you trying to impress? Y/N?” Woojin joked.
Seungmin killed Woojin’s joke in an instant, “No, he’s trying to practice for his crush. They went out the other day and she cooked for him the whole time.”
Changbin stole the first slice of meat from the serving tray, saying with a mouthful, “Big fat rip, dude.”
 “Hello?” Felix said after picking up an incoming call from his phone. He rolled his eyes at the person speaking on the other line, “Liv, I told you to always have your wallet on you. No, I am not going to drive over to drop it off. Just stop by the house on your way to the movies.”
“Your sister left her wallet at home again?” Jisung asked. 
Felix shrugged, “Yeah, she always does that. I’m not gonna drop it off to her this time. Whatever, she said she’ll be here in ten.” 
You wedged yourself between Felix and Seungmin on the couch, making yourself comfortable while Felix challenged Minho on Super Smash Bros. Jisung had just finished setting up his Nintendo Switch on Felix’s TV and tossed both controllers to the first round competitors. Felix selected Dark Pit whereas Minho did the random selection and got Ness. 
“Nooooo! FUCK.” Felix screeched after Minho sent his character flying off the platform. You covered your ears but laughed at Felix’s loss. 
Minho smirked, nodding to his opponent, wiggling his eyebrows. “Do you want to change your fighter?” 
Rolling his tongue in his mouth, Felix shook his head, “No, rematch.”
The doorbell rang. Without a glance, too absorbed into his rematch with Minho, Felix asked you to open the front gate for Olivia. You left the couch and went outside to open it for her. When you opened the wooden gate, you found Bang Chan waiting outside instead of Felix’s sister. Your mouth went agape. 
“You’re back...” You said, stepping aside to let him in. 
Shock was still written across your face. He gently patted his carry on before leaning in to take a look at your face. Jokingly, he said, “I take it that you’re not thrilled to see me, should I leave then?”
Seeing him in person made your heart swell. You suddenly remembered how much you missed him. Overwhelmed by his presence, your eyes began to pool with tears and just could not stop. Without blinking, a big, fat tear escaped. Wiping the stray tear with the sleeve of your hoodie, you wanted to stop crying but wound up sniffling. 
Chan reached for your other arm, gently drawing small circles with his thumb. He couldn’t help but laugh as he attempted to soothe you. “Hey, hey, why are you crying?” He cooed, throwing another joke, “Maybe I should just leave…”
“No, don't.” 
Although tears kept on falling, you laughed back and patted your cheeks dry with your sleeve. Chan let go of the carry-on, spreading his arms wide for only one reason. You accepted his invitation, leaning forward to wrap your arms around his torso. “Don’t worry, I missed you too. But I didn’t expect you to cry so much,” he teased. 
The vibration his laughter gave off, made your insides feel warm and fuzzy. Chan smelled like fresh laundry mixed with the familiar cologne he only wore for special occasions. He rocked you side to side, and you could feel the smile spread across his face from his chuckling. You wanted to hug him even longer but a notification went off, causing both of you to pull away from each other. 
It was coming from the Apple Watch gifted to him from everyone for his 21st birthday. Chan checked the notification, disregarding it when it began to spam. “Let’s go inside,” he said, patting your shoulders to make you head in first. 
“Finally! What took you so long?” Felix jumped from the couch to give Chan a hug. 
Chan gave a nonchalant shrug, “My mum wouldn’t stop talking. If it weren’t for Hannah and Olivia needing a ride to the mall, I would’ve gotten here much later.”
“Christopher Bang, I have been waiting for you,” Jisung swooped in, giving Chan a bear hug. Then, weakly whispered into his dear friend’s ear, “If it was any longer, I would’ve died from starvation.”
You frowned all of a sudden. “Wait, all of you guys knew he was coming back for Thanksgiving?” 
“Surprise!” Felix awkwardly laughed because he knew you were going to strangle him later.
“Yeah? Why wouldn’t he come back? It’s Thanksgiving,” Hyunjin walked out of the kitchen with the rest of the guys to hug Chan. 
“You said you weren’t though,” you said, narrowing your eyes at Chan. He removed the black cap from his head, sheepishly running a hand through his... dark brown hair? There was no longer a strand of dirty blonde. “Oh my god, and you dyed your hair back to your natural hair color,” you gasped. 
“Boy, I am starving,” he whistled, purposely ignoring your stare. 
Jisung wrapped his arms around yours and Chan’s shoulders, inhaling the aroma of Seungmin’s freshly baked pies coming from the oven. “I’m so fucking stoked to eat. Let’s eat.”
↫ iii ↬ bh.pt.i ↫
Famous Dex - Japan
“Baby girl, what you doing, where your mans? I just popped a xan, fifty thousand in Japan.”
Chan sang Japan by Famous Dex, pointing to Felix once they both made eye contact. Felix quickly caught on, finishing the chorus with a strong dab, “I ain't doin' no playin', these red bottoms, not no Vans. And she tellin' all her friends, I might put 'em on the Gram, aye!” 
“I don’t know you two anymore,” you cringed at the pair. Once the song was over, they started singing to Lil Uzi Vert’s ‘XO TOUR Llif3.’ 
“Should've saw the way she looked me in my eyes. She said baby I am not afraid to, die. Push me to the edge, all my friends are dead, push me to the edge, all my friends are dead,” they both sang, clasping each other’s hands and bobbing their heads. 
“Ah shit, the Uber driver is gonna be outside in two minutes,” Felix cursed and ran upstairs to his room to grab his bomber. 
“Hurry, or else we’re going to leave you!” Chan shouted towards the stairs, then, lowering his voice to tell you, “Let’s leave him.”
You rolled your eyes, and he cracked a smile. 
After Thanksgiving, Chan had two and a half days left before heading back to Berlin. You wanted to spend as much time as you can with him. Not only you, but everyone else wanted to. And the perfect way to do it: 
Bar hopping. (bh)
Jisung brought up the idea because he wanted to buy his friend a drink. It was a treat for Chan since he’s been away for nearly three months. But also, Jisung was anticipating to record any of Hyunjin’s embarrassing moments. For him, it was killing two birds with one stone. 
“Thank you, sir, have a good one,” Chan said to the Uber driver, waving goodbye as he was the last to exit the backseat of the car. 
Felix scanned the area, squinting whenever he saw anyone coming out of a shop. “Uh, we just arrived. Where are you- Oh! I see Woojin waiting in the front,” he hung up. 
“I’m so hungry.” Your stomach grumbled. 
“Yoooooo! Broski, over here,” Felix waved both hands in the air. The three of you approached Woojin, giving him a hug before entering the bar. 
Everyone was already seated inside munching on some salted peanuts. Changbin tossed a peanut into the air, and Jisung caught it in his mouth, extending his arms in the air to gloat his victory. “Now buy me a drink,” he demanded. 
“Fine,” Changbin scoffed but agreed. 
Once the three of you settled down in the large booth, Woojin ordered a beer and a shot of tequila for each person. You were excited to drink but hated tequila. It was the first alcohol to ever give you a massive hangover. The taste was disgusting and a measly whiff could still trigger your gag reflexes. 
“Alright, whoever finishes last needs to take another shot of tequila,” Felix snickered. 
“Ugh, no,” Hyunjin groaned.  
Chan leaned in to whisper into your ear, “Will you be able to handle it?” 
You bumped your left shoulder against his right, “Of course, who do you think I am?” 
Changbin knocked on the table, grabbing everyone’s attention. “3! 2! 1! Go!” 
You chugged the beer while keeping your eyes open for the rest of the guys. Most of them started off with their shot of tequila to get it over with while you, Jisung, and Jeongin started off with beer. By the time you were halfway done with your beer, the tequila starters were beginning to touch their beers. Some were still making faces from sucking the complementary lime wedges that came with the tequila. 
Finishing the last of your beer, Jisung slapped the table with his shot glass. Still sucking his like wedge, he pointed at you to hurry so you can come in second place. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, grabbing the lime wedge in one hand and the tequila shot in the other, downing it in one go. “That’s so fucking nasty,” you whined and chewed into the lime wedge. 
“Done,” Changbin said, sliding his empty drinks into the center of the table. 
Next, Chan burped out loud, saying, “I’m done. Excuse me.”
When everyone finished, the order came out to be: Jisung, Y/N, Changbin, Chan, Woojin, Minho, Felix, Seungmin, Jeongin, Hyunjin. 
“FUck, this shit. I hate bar hop… ping,” Hyunjin complained, burping in defeat. 
“Bottoms up, loser,” Jisung laughed. 
“Drink! Drink! Drink!” Everyone chanted, cheering when Hyunjin finished the last of the devil’s juice. Already, his face was getting red as he lazily brushed his messy bangs away from his eyes. 
Even though Jeongin was second to the last place, he was eager to move on to the next round. Rubbing his hands in excitement, he asked, “So what’s next?” 
↫ iii ↬ barhopping pt.ii ↫
“We are just going to take it chill this round,” Seungmin cutely laughed. 
The lightweight slurred, jabbing his index finger onto Seungmin’s chest, “No, you wanted to take it chill this round.”
“He’s trying to save you,” you slapped Hyunjin’s back, “But I don’t mind taking it chill this round.”
Already tipsy and spouting out nonsense like always, Jisung called you out, “Y/N, what’s with the getup today?” 
He really emphasized the makeup and your fitted black off-shoulder top with dramatic John Cena hand movements. You grew embarrassed by the sudden attention. Now, everyone’s eyes were on you, especially Bang Chan’s. Your cheeks grew warm as you blushed, but that honestly did not matter because the lighting of the second bar was dark enough to hide them. 
“Jisung, they’re just falsies,” you rolled your eyes. 
Hyunjin cocked an eyebrow into your direction, “My girlfriend likes to wear them when she’s going out. Are you going out with anybody?” He put his head down and burped. “Keeping seCrets huh? uGH, I miss my girlfriend.”
“Nooo, definitely not…” You sighed, “I just felt like doing something different today.” 
“Is it because Chan is back?” Seungmin felt like he cracked the Da Vinci Code. Ridiculous. 
“You’re ridiculous, Kim Seungmin.”
Felix intervened, lazily karate-chopping his arm into the table. Thanks to him, he saved you from making a fool of yourself. “What about me? Didn’t you know anything different about me today?” He slurred. 
“You’re drunk,” Seungmin pointed out the obvious. 
“No, not yet. I got a new bomber, duh. Go ahead, touch it,” Felix suggested. He grabbed Seungmin’s hand, hovering it over his jacket. Then, Felix made him caress the smooth material. 
Both you and Chan burst out laughing. Then, you both turned to look at each other. When your laughter died down, you glanced at his plump lips and looked away with a sigh on yours. 
Why did you go out of your own way to put on makeup and wear your silver drop earrings? The top was a gift from one of your girlfriends. It’s been sitting in your closet for ages, but still, it was something different. 
The guys began to plan for the winter break agenda and Chan joined in on the conversation. He remembered the video call between you and him. It was around the time of his birthday when he unboxed the mystery One Piece figures you sent to him... Did you ever find somebody? 
For a moment, there was this unsettling feeling growing inside of his chest. Yeah, why did she look differently today, is what he thought. You were never ‘ugly’ in his opinion, you were just Y/N. Whatever you choose to do shouldn't matter, so Chan did what anyone would do: He brushed it off. 
Chan glanced over, feeling a little taken aback when you laughed at something Minho said about Hyunjin. Whenever he was surprised, his eyebrows did this thing where they would cutely knot upwards and his eyes would light up. But this time, it was different. Yes, he was surprised but the expression on his face grew soft immediately after you made eye contact with him. 
You raised the glass of your favorite cocktail to your lips, nodding in excitement when Jisung ‘secretly’ whipped out his phone and began recording Hyunjin. Then, you broke into a playful grin while biting into the black stirring straw before sipping your drink. Yeah, he thought you were really attractive right now. 
For some reason, Bang Chan felt like his body was engulfed by flames. 
You raised a brow, offering him to try your drink with a smile. Chan blinked back, totally aware he was staring at you. Luckily, you weren’t and thought he was curious about your drink. 
Turning down your offer, he decided to lay off on the drinking for the rest of this round. It was the alcohol causing him to feel this way, or that’s what he thought. 
If not, this was going to be a big problem. 
↫ iii ↬ barhopping pt.iii ↫
“Last but not least, we are going to get hammered with soju and meat,” Jisung cupped Changbin’s cheeks, then, patting them like how Asian grandmothers would select the perfect watermelons. 
Before Changbin could place him into a chokehold, Jisung clumsily ran into the restaurant to request for seats. He almost ran into one of the patio heaters in the process. “Come back, you fucking squirrel!” Changbin waved his fist in the air like an old man. 
He adopts a sailors’ mouth when he drinks lol. 
Hyunjin had an arm draped over Woojin’s shoulders. He’s already sobered up by now. “Let’s make sure he gets hammered tonight,” he said, then, pointed a finger at you, “And Y/N.”
“I say we should go for it,” Woojin supported his friend.
Your eyes widened. “What did I do?”
“He’s still salty you sent recordings to his girlfriend,” Jeongin teased Hyunjin, his eyes effortlessly creasing into the cutest eye smile. He reminded you of a baby fox. 
“I didn’t, it was Jisung. Recordings were sent from his phone,” You shrugged and stuck your tongue out when Hyunjin mimicked you. 
Jisung peeked at everyone from the restaurant door and caught Seungmin’s attention first, signaling him to bring everyone inside. Seungmin said, “Let’s go, seats are ready.” 
“I already picked out the meats. Now, the hardest part is choosing the soju flavor,” Jisung looked at the drinks menu with heart eyes. 
Changbin took the menu from Jisung’s hands, cockily skimming through it. “Leave it to me, I know what we should stay away from.”
When the waiter came by, Changbin ended up ordering two large yogurts, two fruit-flavored, and two original soju. Seven drinks. Everyone looked at him with their jaws dropped. “You’re actually insane,” Felix said even though he was at a loss of words. 
“The frat boy mentality has sprung onto him. It’s too late, we can’t save him,” Chan cried, covering his warm face, dramatically tugging it downwards with both hands. 
You sighed and lay your head onto Chan’s shoulder. You were still buzzed, but it was going to be a long night. Earlier, he put his jean jacket over your shoulders when some guy walked by and gave you a whistle. You were very uncomfortable from receiving the unwanted attention coming from a sleazebag and hid behind Chan’s broad frame. 
You were getting tired but still wanted to have fun. Chan’s shoulder was a muscular pillow. Your eyes glanced at the sleeve of his black T-shirt. Then, your eyes trailed down to his arm veins, his hand, and the ring on his pinky finger. It was your gift to him for his birthday this year. There was this strong urge to place your hand on top of his and flip it over so that the palm of his hand would be open for you to entwine your fingers in. 
Fuck, why is he so hot?
You didn’t actually do it though, you could not bring yourself to. When you tilted your head upwards, Chan was laughing at Woojin’s disaster story about his most recent blind date. He must’ve felt your gaze on him so he stopped paying attention to the story. Chan laid his eyes on you while you blinked back in surprise with a tinge of pink on your cheeks. His eyes held your gaze momentarily before trailing down to your lips, and so did you. 
You were both waiting for something to happen. The tension-
“Drinks and meat are here,” Minho excitedly cleared the table for the waiter. 
Both you and Chan looked away from each other at the same time. You instantly removed your head from his shoulder, and he cleared his throat. You were both left feeling embarrassed, however, Chan also felt nervous. You, on the other hand, felt a heavyweight on top of your chest. 
For this last round of bar hopping, you both avoided any sort of eye contact or slight skinship with one another. It was too risky, making a nervous wreck out of both you and Chan. 
“Let’s play Truth or Drink mixed with Never Have I Ever,” Changbin said, pouring a drink into everybody’s shot glass, filling it to the brim. 
Minho scoffed but enjoyed the idea, “You’re just asking for everyone to drink.”
“That’s the point.”
“Never have I ever almost joined a cult back in high school,” Jisung tsked over to his friend, snickering when Hyunjin and Jeongin downed the shot in one go. 
Hyunjin went next and glared at Jisung, “Never have I ever lived in Malaysia during my childhood.”
Jisung narrowed his eyes at Hyunjin, chewing on a piece of meat after drinking his shot. “Playing like that, I see.”
“Well, you started it.”
“No, you.”
“You.”
“You.”
Chan interrupted their bickering, and said, “Moving on, never have I ever… Cheated on an exam.” Everyone groaned, drinking except for him, Seungmin, and Hyunjin. Then, it was your turn. 
“Er… Never have I ever blacked out from drinking,” you peeked around, raising your glass to everyone. Changbin, Woojin, Chan, Jisung, Hyunjin, and Felix all clinked their glasses together. 
“Alcoholics,” Minho shook his head, eyeing each person with false disappointment written on his face. 
“Shut the fuck up, you have no right. You’re the goddamn instigator,” Jisung kicked Minho’s foot under the table. 
“Stop playing footsies with me.”
“Oh, I can stop whenever I want to.”
“Can I go now?” Seungmin stuck a piece of rib finger into Jisung’s mouth. Everyone gave him the go, so he suggested, “Let’s do Truth or Drink this round, and the question applies to everyone. If you were a serial killer in a movie, who would you kill first? On the count of three, point your finger to the person. 3! 2! 1!”
“Wow.” And it wasn’t hard to guess who it was. 
The rest of the night went by like that, playing more rounds of Never Have I Ever and Truth or Drink. More than half of the group was drunk and Hyunjin had his head down. He already knocked out and was drooling. You were drunk too but waited for Felix to take his turn. 
Propping your chin in the palm of your right hand, you felt your eyelids become heavier the longer Felix took to ask his question. Finally, he asked everyone, “What are you the most grateful for?”
“I’m the most grateful for my cats,” Minho brought up his fingers and began to list each cat, “Soonie, Doongie, and Dori. Sometimes, I get hissed at but I still love them all.”
It was Chan’s turn. “Mmm,” he thought, “I’d say, my parents, because if they never gifted me with music, I wouldn’t be CB97 right now.”
“And there wouldn’t be SPEARmint and your one and only,” Jisung sluggishly pointed to himself, groaning, “J.One.”
“It’s SPEARB,” Changbin whined, hugging Jisung. 
Chan was beginning to sober up and sipped on his half-full glass of water. Getting sentimental and smiling over to his rap unit members, his ears perked up when it was your turn. You had your head and arms sprawled across the table, earning a laugh from Minho when you palmed your forehead with a disgruntled look on your face. Your head hurt, but you continued, “I am grateful for a lot of things. My dog, meeting my ultimate bias, and having you guys in my life.”
“That’s so generic, be more specific,” Minho teased. 
“Lix, I’m grateful for Felix. If my dad never met his dad in their twenties, I would’ve never grown up with Lix. My dad wouldn’t have almost accidentally run over him that one time when he was running away from Rachel.”
“Huh, I remembered that day. Rachel got so mad at me for reading her diary. I mean, she did leave it on the couch,” Felix reminisced, chuckling at the memory from long ago. 
Seungmin raised an eyebrow, a little confused with what you shared. “Shouldn’t you be grateful for your dad meeting Felix’s dad? And not Felix?”
“Sure, but it’s Felix I am most grateful for. Because without him, I would’ve never met everyone else… and Chan,” you patted Felix’s bomber with your eyes closed and expected him to feel touched by your words. 
“Why say it like that? What differentiates Chan from everyone else?” Jeongin asked with a small pout on his lips. Chan wanted to know as well. He didn’t know why you paused a little before saying his name. Was he special to you in any way? 
Yeah. What differentiates Chan from everyone else? 
“Stop asking me, and let’s move on to Felix. It hurts to think,” you complained.
↫ iv ↬
“Oi bro, today was fun. But I’m fucking wasted,” Felix burped. He leaned his head against the door frame while intensely staring at the door handle. Concentration was key, literally. Felix needed to press the correct keys or else you, him, and Chan would be sleeping in the front yard tonight. Nobody was home. 
“You good there, buddy?” Chan asked with a concerned tone. 
Felix entered the correct code and the numbers on the keypad lit up blue, making him internally jumping with happiness. “Ohh hell yeah. Uh-”
Then, he pushed through the door, startling Chan as he ran through the living room and into the kitchen to hurl into the nearest trash can. Chan quickly went after Felix while still carrying you on his back. “Bro,” he cringed at the loose chunks in the trash can and rubbed Felix’s back, “Keep throwing up, it’ll definitely make you feel better. I’m gonna get you some water. Just let me take Y/N upstairs.”
Felix waved Chan off and said he’d be fine. He was going to go straight to his room afterward, change into his pajamas, and chug the huge hydro flask by his bed. It seems like Felix planned for this to happen, so Chan didn’t have to worry much. 
Chan carried you upstairs to the guest room and carefully unwrapped your arms from his neck when he sat on the bed. When he let go, you hit the back of your head against the headboard and whined in pain. “Oh fuck, I’m so sorry,” he whispered. 
“Ugh, how long have I been out for,” you said, clutching onto the back of your head. 
Chan shrugged, turning around to look at you. “Just the ride back home.”
“I’m not looking forward to a hangover tomorrow.”
You expected Chan to respond but there was no reply. When you peeked one eye open, he was gone. You sighed, rolling to your side to face the window. Why did you feel so puzzled all of a sudden? 
“Are you asleep?” A voice whispered from the end of the bed. 
It was Chan and he had a tall glass of water in his hands. You sat up, thanking him as you took the glass and greedily drank from it. When you finished, you placed it onto the nightstand before laying on your back again. 
“Am I different?” Chan suddenly asked. 
“What do you mean?”
“Like, am I different from the others?” 
You lightly shoved his arm with your foot. “Other guys? Yeah, you’re CB97.”
He shook his head. It wasn’t the answer he wanted. “No, actually, never mind,” he said, changing his mind. 
You frowned and sat up. Then, you nudged his arm, bugging him to tell you, “What is it? Tell me, Bang Chan.”
When you whined, even more, he softly chuckled, facing you with a smile. The only source of light came from outside’s yard lamp through the window slits. You held in a breath when he leaned in. 
“Goodnight, Y/N.”
↫ v ↬
“Y/N, why are we doing this? You know I can’t bake.”
Felix frowned at the baking instructions displayed on his phone. He was having a hard time converting grams to ounces because the mixer was too disruptive. It was annoyingly loud. For the love of god, he spilled some powdered sugar onto the counter. 
“I need help, Lix. It’s hard to make macarons by myself,” you huffed, blowing a strand of your bangs out of the way. 
“What’s in it for me? I could be sleeping in right now,” Felix scoffed but went to the cupboard to grab sugar, salt, and almond flour. 
“You get to spend quality time with me for free. Also, you can eat delicious strawberry macarons. They’re your favorite.”
He shook his head, “No, they’re Chan’s favorite. I already knew your intentions the moment you asked to come over. And, I like banana flavored.”
“What’s with you and banana?”
“Don’t you just love the way it’s pronounced? Banana,” he smiled, thinking about bananas. 
Handing Felix the electric mixer, you bossed him around, enjoying every moment of it, “No, now beat the eggs with the mixer until it becomes stiff peaks,” 
“Y/N, If you like Chan, it’s okay to admit it. I won’t judge you,” he said, cracking a couple eggs into a large bowl, then scooped the yolks into a smaller bowl, “But I’ll make fun of you.”
You paused whatever you were doing to ask, “Why’d you say that out of the blue? That’s odd.” 
“Look,” he paused, “When have you ever went out of your way to gift homemade cookies for someone? This is cute child’s play Y/N.” 
“Never. But everyone is getting a share of this batch, so I don’t know why you’re quick to assume,” you nervously shrugged. Why were you nervous? There was no reason. 
“But who were you thinking of surprising when you bought the ingredients?” 
You eyed the egg whites sliding off the cracked eggshells in his hand as they slowly dripped into the mixing bowl. Cringing at his sloppiness, you told him to start mixing and less talking. “Why would I like him, it’d never work out between us,” you muttered under your breath. 
“Just don’t complain to me when he comes back with a girlfriend from his study abroad program,” Felix annoyingly sang, hitting the power button on the electric mixer. You felt something inside of you sort of snap.
“What?” You asked. 
“You’re not the only girl he’s friends with. You know that right?” 
“Yeah, of course,” you said, trying to hide your disappointment. You were no special exception and it somehow made you feel more hopeless. Felix knew his words must’ve triggered something so he decided to tone it down.
“As your best friend, I know when you’re into someone. This time, it’s different. You may not think you’ve liked Chan for a long time, but trust me, I know,” Felix turned down the mixer to add some sugar with the whipped egg whites, “No matter how many guys you’ve liked in the past, you’d always set them aside for Chan. You don’t do things like having late-night phone calls, binge-watching One Piece, or bake fancy cookies for anyone else. Only Chan. Admit it before I knock some sense into you, idiot. You have a soft spot for him.”
“I do not…” You said in denial, but who were you trying to convince?
“Whatever,” Felix gave up and rolled his eyes. He adjusted the speed of the electric mixer, adding the rest of the sugar into the whipped egg whites. 
When Felix finished whipping the egg whites, they became stiff peaks. He removed the mixer from the bowl, distracted by the mixture’s consistency and unwillingness to budge. “Hey, Y/N,” he tapped your shoulder before holding the bowl of stiff peaks upside down above his head, “Check this out.”
“YONGBOK WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” You screamed his Korean name, hoping the mix wouldn’t fall onto his head and get on the floor. 
“Look, it’s not falling hehehe,” Felix laughed, remembering how he saw something like this in a Tasty video. 
You grabbed Felix’s shoulders in hopes of him putting the bowl down but then he placed it over your head and laughed. “Oh my god, if it gets in my hair, I’m gonna kill you,” you vigorously shook him. 
Felix laughed and put you in a headlock, threatening to coat your face in stiff peaks. “You started it by calling me Yongbok.”
“Yongbok, Yongbokie, LEE YONGBOK,” you giggled when he locked you in tighter. His soft hoodie tickled your neck and you were scared of getting smeared with the cookie mixture. 
“What are you guys doing?” 
Felix dropped his arm to his side and placed the mixing bowl onto the counter. You stood up, fixing your now messy ponytail and awkwardly coughed. 
Chan stood by the kitchen entrance with his arms crossed, looking somewhat displeased. You looked anywhere else but him. When you finally made eye contact with Chan, he quickly avoided it and cleared his throat. “I just came to say goodbye,” he said. 
“But isn’t your flight at 5?” Felix glanced at his oven’s built-in clock, “It’s not even noon yet and you’re already leaving?” 
“My parents want to have lunch with me before dropping me off at the airport. They invited my grandparents and other relatives, so it’s going to take a while.”
“Do the rest know?” 
Chan nodded, “Yeah, I’m going to head back to grab my luggage after lunch, but I messaged them earlier and came to say goodbye just in case.”
Felix walked over to Chan and gave him the tightest bear hug, “Take care and stay safe. I’ll see you in a few weeks?”
“Yeah, and take care as well,” Chan smiled. 
“For sure.”
When their hug was over, Felix said he needed to grab a charger from upstairs because his phone was about to die. You didn’t want to be alone with Chan because you were afraid of acting weird around him, then no one could save you. “What are you two making?” Chan nodded at the mess in the kitchen. 
You shyly smiled, “Uh… Cookies? Hey Chan, are you going to stop by here again after your family lunch?”
“Maybe not, I’m not sure. I’ll call you if I do.”
“Hmmm, okay,” you nodded awkwardly, “I guess I’ll see you in a few weeks too.”
“Yeah, I’ll be back before you know it,” Chan smiled and began teasing, “Better not be a crybaby once I leave.” 
You slapped his arm, “It won’t happen again, just let it gooo.”
“Hmm, nooo,” he laughed. 
When Chan’s laughter died down, he stared at you with a small sigh. You were acting a little different today and he kind of had an idea as to why. He thought you sensed something unusual about his behavior, making you feel awkward towards him. He just wanted to board the plane right now and get his thoughts settled. 
Chan wanted you to give him a hug like always but you refrained from doing so. By the time Felix came back down with his charger, he sensed the weird atmosphere and mouthed to you, ‘What did you do?’
You narrowed your eyes at him and Chan’s phone rang at the same time. It was Lucas on the other line, asking when his brother would be home since their grandparents would be arriving soon. Chan took that as a cue to be on his way, leaving you in the kitchen as Felix walked him out of the front door. 
Felix came into the kitchen confused, “What happened when I was gone?” 
“Nothing, we were just talking.” 
“Do you think we’re going to finish baking these macarons by the time he leaves to the airport?” Felix scratched his head. 
“I hope so,” you sighed. If you worked efficiently enough, it’s possible to finish on time. 
Chan quietly sat in the back seat of the minivan with his younger siblings on the way back from the restaurant. He’d usually bug Hannah about her recent boy crushes or watch Lucas play Monster Hunter on his 3DS. This time, he stared out the window with his EarPods in. A lot was on his mind. 
Chan felt sort of jealous, then stupid, then fine again. It was a cycle on his way back to the house. He knew Felix didn’t have any romantic feelings for you, but the tinge of jealousy would not leave his system. Chan let himself into the house when Felix had just finished mixing whatever. He was curious as to why Felix was up so early since his best friend tends to sleep in till noon during breaks. 
When Chan heard your voice, his ears perked up like a dog. He felt excited to see you and walked into the kitchen, hoping to surprise you. Instead, Chan himself was surprised when he found Felix holding you in a headlock. You were laughing and squirming in Felix’s hold, making Chan wish he didn’t see that. 
Not once have you laughed like that with Chan since he came back to visit. Chan thought you developed a crush on Felix but haven’t told him. But how could you not? You always tell Chan everything. He didn’t care if you liked someone… So what?
When they arrived home, Chan’s father pulled into the driveway. Everyone went inside to rest for a little while before sending him off to the airport. Chan still needed to go upstairs, so he could grab his things and load them into the trunk. After carrying his luggage downstairs and to the minivan, Chan popped open the trunk, halfway loading his things but stopped when his phone went off. 
He picked up the call with his earphones, unaware of the person calling, “Hello?” 
“H-have you left to the airport yet? Or are you still at home?” You said, heavily panting on the other line of the call. 
“Y/N?” Chan asked surprised, “I’m still at home. I just got back.” He waited for you to answer but you had already hung up. “Hello? Y/N?”
“Chan!” You ran up to him, exhausted and a little sweaty. Then, you placed a hand on your waist to keep yourself up as you slowly regain your breath. 
“Did you run here?” 
“Yes.”
“What? Why?”
You stuck your hand into the inside of your denim jacket and fished out a decent packaged goodie bag. “I didn’t want you to leave empty-handed, so I made you these.”
You never fail to catch Chan off guard these days. He slowly unraveled the bag as if it were a delicate rose, and peeked inside to see a couple of pink macarons. Although several of them were cracked because Felix opened the oven midway into baking, causing them to deflate, there were some good ones. 
“Is this what you were baking with Lix?” Chan asked. When you nodded, a smile couldn’t help but form on his lips. 
“Yeah, sorry if I didn’t ask you to stay or say much. I wanted it to be a surprise,” you shyly glanced around him, hoping he’d try one of the cracked cookie sandwiches. 
“Huh, I would’ve never guessed,” Chan laughed. As dumb as it sounds, he felt better knowing you were thinking of him. 
You peeked into his goodie bag, “Are you going to try one?”
“Yeah, here,” he handed you one before taking a bite of his own. 
You thought it was cute when Chan slowly chewed on the cookie. His eyes formed into crescents once he recognized the flavor. After finishing one macaron, he wrapped the bag, closing it and stuffed it into his pocket, “I’m saving these for when I wait to board the plane.”
“Here, eat mine,” you offered the uneaten macaron in your hand. 
“You don’t like strawberries?” 
“No, I do. But I know you like them more, so here,” you brought the miniature sandwich to his lips, smiling when he opened his mouth. 
“Fanks, tho good,” Chan said with a mouthful. 
“Ew, chew with your mouth closed.”
“Hmmm,” he swallowed the last of the macaron, “I said they’re really good, and thank you.”
Sighing in relief, you said, “Of course, I’m glad they come out burnt.”
“They came out kinda ugly though.”
You hit Chan’s bicep. “Then don’t eat them,” you held your hand out, “Return them.”
Chan laughed but reached into his pocket. Instead of handing the cookies back, he grabbed your hand and pulled you in for a hug. As his arms wrapped around your shoulders, he hugged tighter. You uncontrollably smiled, returning his hug and laughed at his sly move. Chan notices how he loves it when he’s this close to you. It makes him feel good to be around you. 
He likes to do this thing where he rocks you back and forth in his arms. You remembered the first time he did it was when you were juniors in high school. You embarrassed yourself in front of a guy you liked at the time and felt down for the whole day. It wasn’t until after school where you were forced to tag along with Felix and Chan to eat pizza which made you feel better. Although you weren’t by the time you met up with them, both caught the sight of your glossy eyes. 
Felix said he had to head back early because he needed to study for a bio test, but you and Chan both knew he would end up playing video games instead. Chan bought you a smoothie and walked you home since it was on the way to his. Before he let you go, he gave you a bear crushing hug, rocking you back and forth while telling you to cheer up and stop being a crybaby. His way of cheering you up always made you laugh and feel warm inside. 
Chan was your big, swol teddy bear. 
Fuck it, you liked him... It didn’t matter. You will deal with it later. 
“Did you really think I’d give them back?” He playfully teased. 
“If you did, I will never make you anything ever again. Ungrateful jerk,” you huffed, pretending to be angry. 
“Nah, I’d never,” he said softly. 
“When are you leaving?” You said, your voice a little muffled from being too close against his jacket. 
“Pretty soon. We’re just waiting for my dad to get off his food coma.”
“Ohh okay.”
Still hugging you, Chan felt like he really needed to say it. You already know though and it wouldn’t change anything, but a strange feeling of realization hit him. As cheesy as it sounds, he wanted to give you a light kiss on your forehead. Wow, he likes you and he is finally sure of his feelings. 
“Don’t worry, I’m gonna miss you,” Chan took a deep breath, “I always do, so don’t be a crybaby when I leave.”
↫ vi ↬
Chan rushed back to his dorm, feeling a surge of inspiration out of nowhere. It was a pain to sit through the last half of class when he was so eager to leave. He was excited to hop on his keyboard to work on a mix. 
Once he stepped into his room, he dumped his backpack onto the floor and stripped off his hoodie, tossing it onto the bed. Then, he pulled out the keyboard pad from his desk and began to set up his laptop and headphones. 
It was perfect. 
Chan was afraid he’d lose the beat or lyrics that came to his mind earlier, but he got it down pretty quick. Now, the hard part. He had to find a way for it to flow smoothly together. He hummed, his head bobbing to the new beat, but something was still lacking. 
“Maybe if I move this here, the transitioning would be a lot better,” Chan clicked on his mouse and dragged one of the clips, inserting it into the mix. When he replayed the sound, he smiled in content. 
CB97’s back, baby.
Just when he felt like he could add in another element, an incoming call interrupted his train of thought. It was from you. 
He picked up the call and swiped into the clock app to check the time zone in Sydney. His eyes widened, why were you calling him 12:30 in the morning? Did something happen?
“Hello? Y/N?” Chan said to the other line. 
“I’m bored,” you said. 
He laughed. “Why are you calling me? Are you by yourself?”
“No,” you replied, shaking your head, “I’m with Lix, Hyunjin, Jisung, and Changbin. Eww, Lix just threw up in the bushes.”
Chan cringed at the sound of his best friend hurling on the other line. It reminded him of the last time he went bar hopping with you and everyone. Now that Chan knew you were drinking, it was obvious you were drunk too. 
“Why’d you call?”
“I don’t know.”
He raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean you don’t know?”
“I don’t know… Hyunjin started calling his girlfriend midway through finishing his drink. Then Changbin called his to confess how much he likes her. And don’t get me started on Jisung,” you tiredly watched Jisung rub soothing circles on Felix’s back. 
“What about Jisung?” Chan chuckled, urging you to continue. 
“He FaceTimed his girlfriend and said he loves her and misses her even though he knows she’s going to kick his ass for getting drunk,” you sighed. 
“Then what?”
“Felix didn’t have anyone to call. He only searched up Momo on google images and angrily pointed at Heechul to treat her right or else he would fly to Korea to square up,” you laughed, starting to feel a little sick too. 
“What about you? Did you have anyone to call?” Chan removed himself from his desk and plopped onto his bed. 
“No, only you. There’s no one else to call, I don’t like anyone else,” you said truthfully. 
“Wow, so I was your last resort,” he joked. 
You felt liquid courage giving you a booster. Shaking your head, you sighed deeply as you watched Felix cough up the last of his partially digested pizza. “Never, I like you too much. I didn’t call anyone else because you’re the only one I want to talk to. So, no. Not my last resort, more like my automatic first choice,” you confessed. 
“Sure.”
“No, I mean it. I love you so much. I just want to hug you all day long. You have no idea how much I miss you,” you whined. 
Chan’s smile faltered and his heart began to race. There’s no way you meant that, did you? 
“How much did you drink?”
“Enough to feel like throwing up but not enough to actually throw up,” you groaned at the unsettling feeling in your stomach.
“Will you remember what you just said to me when you wake up tomorrow?”
“Of course. I always remember! Remember, you said I would someday drunk call somebody. Well, you were right,” you giggled.
Boy, he hoped so. Chan was shaken but couldn’t do much because you were intoxicated. If you did like him, he wanted you to confess when you’re actually sober. That way, Chan would know you were being serious. 
“Who’s not wasted? Can you hand them your phone?” Chan rolled in his bed while anxiously waiting. 
“Hello?” A familiar raspy voice asked. 
“Hey Bin, is everyone sleeping over at someone’s house tonight?”
“Oh, hey,” Changbin said tiredly, “Yeah, we’re going to head back to Felix’s soon. Just haven’t called an Uber yet because Y/N’s been on the phone. Everyone’s phones pretty much died.”
“That’s good,” Chan mumbled to himself, “Can you do me a favor and take care of Y/N for me? Just make sure she gets into a bed and drinks a glass of water before she sleeps. She’ll be fine by the time you guys get to the house since she sobers pretty fast.”
“Honestly, you should be here. She’s been talking about you all night long, but it’s Gucci. I’m gonna take care of everyone,” Changbin nonchalantly shrugged. It was no biggie to him. 
“Just keep an eye out for her and everyone else,” Chan sighed. 
Changbin nodded, “Yessir. I am going to order an Uber now, I’ll talk to you later. Oh shit, Y/N just threw up.”
“What? Wait-“
Although Chan’s heart was still pounding, he figured to leave it until tomorrow when you sobered up. He couldn’t stop rolling in his bed and suddenly felt more homesick. He didn’t know whether or not he should call you first thing tomorrow after his brunch with a classmate. Or maybe he should wait for you to say something? 
Either way, you drove him nuts. Both good and bad. 
The next morning, you stormed downstairs to look for the person who made you go out last night. He slept on the couch, snoring lightly and draped an arm over his eyes. 
“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” you angrily tossed one of the couch pillows at a hungover Felix. 
Felix tiredly rubbed his eyes. You woke him up and he palmed every spot on the couch for his phone. “What now?” He asked. 
“I should’ve never gone with you guys. I’m screwed,” you said in distress. 
“You’re so LOUD, I’m TRYNA SLEEP Y/N,” Jisung crankily got up from the couch and walked into Felix’s room to join Changbin under the covers. 
“What did I do?” Felix asked again. 
“I should have never gone drinking last night. I fucked up everything, I can’t bear to see Chan or even talk to him again,” you said, pacing back and forth in front of the TV. 
Felix laughed, “Did you drunk call him and confess?”
“I think so, something along the lines of that,” you tried to remember your exact words but brain fart. 
“Oh shit,” he chuckled. 
“It’s not funny,” you began tearing up, “I messed up everything. It won’t be the same anymore. I don’t want Chan to avoid and stop talking to me because of these stupid feelings.”
Alarmed with your glossy eyes, Felix jumped from the couch even though he still felt nauseous from last night. He patted your back, holding in a laugh when you blinked away some tears. You reminded him of Jeongin. “Y/N, you’re worrying over nothing. Chan’s not going to do that to you, trust me. You know, confessions don’t mean much when you’re drunk.”
Sniffling, you asked him, “What do you mean they don’t mean much when you’re drunk? There’s truth to those words.” 
“Being intoxicated makes you say a lot of things you would not choose to say if you were sober. One time, I even said Changbin’s arms were hot. Can you believe that?” He scoffed. 
“Yeah, I mean, they’re pretty thick.”
Felix rolled his eyes, “The point is, confessions are meaningful when you’re sober. There’s something about being fully aware of your words and having the courage to say it without having to rely on liquid courage. Your confession was most likely taken lightly. You were just letting a friend know you miss him, like a lot, but that’s it.”
“So everything will be okay?”
“Yes, so stop worrying.”
↫ vii ↬
But everything wasn’t okay. 
Chan kicked off his shoes and fell into bed right after his last final. It’s been almost two weeks since he last talked to you (you drunk calling him in the middle of the day), and he felt stuck. When he sent you messages and memes, you wouldn’t respond or would leave him on read. Sometimes, it’d be a miracle if you gave him short responses. Even then, the atmosphere was off and he didn’t know how to keep initiating without the conversation being cut short. 
On days like this, it’d be perfect to compose something, anything. However, Chan kept deleting newly recorded beats, dissatisfied with its quality and flow. He gave up and quit all his open programs. 
Without thinking about the different time zones, Chan went on Discord. His cursor hovered over your icon before he clicked on it. It’s now or never, he thought. Chan felt his heart pounding over a simple video call. He didn’t even know if you were going to answer. It’s better to not get his hopes up. 
When the server rang, he anxiously clicked open some tabs to respond to Felix and check Facebook. 
“Hello?” You asked, dreading the moment he called you. 
“Y/N?” Chan asked, surprised you answered. He stared at the monitor, taking in the image of you working on something in your notebook.  
“Hey,” you sighed. 
Chan’s brows furrowed. He grew concerned at the time of your voice. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m just tired. You know, the same thing always happening at school and work,” you lied, avoiding his stare. His gaze was still piercing through a screen. 
“Doesn’t seem like it. You usually talk about school and work, but you haven’t been doing so lately. Let alone at all,” Chan sadly stared at the screen as you pretended to be writing something important down. 
“Sorry, I’ve been pretty stressed lately. I haven’t had the time to talk or call,” you apologized, feeding him another lie. Oh, but he knew you were avoiding him. 
“You should’ve sent me a message or called me at least. It’s better to talk about it, Y/N. Keeping worries to yourself only make matters worse.”
“I’ll try to.”
Fed up with the tension, Chan frustratedly combed his hair with his fingers, “Cut the bullshit Y/N. I know you’ve been ignoring me. If it’s about that night you drunk called me, I’ll drop it. I know you don’t do homework at this time, especially on a Friday night.”
You dropped your pencil and stayed silent. Chan could only do so much on a screen. He stared at you, waiting for you to respond. It was dead silent because you could hear his hallmates talking in a foreign language as they passed by his door.
“Are you really not going to say anything?”
Finally looking up, you wiped off the tears that fell down to your cheeks, sighing. Chan sat up in his chair, worried he messed up. He thought you were going to end the call but held in a breath when you said, “What am I supposed to say? That, I’m sorry for having feelings for you? You say you can easily drop it, but I can’t.”
Chan let his hand cover his mouth, trying to hide his troubled expression. “Who said it was easy to drop it?”
“It’s not, but I screwed up… You’re aware of my feelings towards you. I can still remember that night’s conversation, and I know you do as well,” you covered your face, you didn’t want him to see you crying and looking like Rudolph, “It’s just going to be awkward for us the next time we’ll see each other. Everyone will sense it too. You’ll end up avoiding me.”
“Why do you say that? How can I avoid you? I’ve known you for years. That’s the least of your worries,” Chan said, frowning at your reasoning. He was utterly baffled. 
You slammed your palms onto the desk. “How is that the least of my worries? I like you more than a friend would, Chan. I have feelings for you, but I feel like I’m on the verge of losing one of the closest people in my life, you.”
You were both practically raising your voices on each other. 
He frustratedly started off strong, “What if you said those words to me when you were drunk but don’t actually mean it when you’re sober,” but finished in a small voice, “Then what?” 
“But that didn’t happen, so there’s no point in bringing up another possibility,” you softly said. 
“So what? Are you going to take back what you said? Because you can’t.”
Your heart dropped, and you wanted to bawl. “W-what?”
“I’m sorry,” he apologized and ended the call. 
You shut off your laptop and sat in your chair crying. When you got into bed, you curled into a ball with a tissue box beside you. You felt horrible. Everything was a mess. After going through twenty-something tissues, the mini trash can by your desk was filled with snot balls and evaporated tears. Exhausted and too tired to cry anymore, your eyelids slowly dropped until a notification popped up on the screen of your phone. 
It was a Surprise LIVE! from Monsta X. 
You chucked your phone away and it fell off the bed and onto the wooden floor. As if you cared about watching them live right now. If your ultimate bias couldn’t cheer you up with his smile, nothing could. 
You retrieved your phone to find a message from Chan. He only sent you a link directing you to Spotify playlist titled: 
Tumblr media Tumblr media
↫ viii ↬ “I’m back and you didn’t even come with Lix to the airport to come to get me? I’m so hurt,” Chan pretended to be offended. He placed a hand over his chest, feigning hurt as you laughed at his attempt to be petty. Afterward, he excused himself to change into a more comfortable outfit and muted you on Discord.
When Chan finally unmuted the call, you blew a raspberry and stuck your tongue out at the camera. “I couldn’t, I was out of town. I just got back an hour ago,” you yawned, stretching your arms into the air. Then you spun around in your chair, coming to a complete stop when you saw him wearing a new sweatshirt.
“I knowww,” Chan dragged, taking a seat in front of his monitor again, “I’m surprised I’m not that jet lag.”
“It’ll catch up to you, trust me,” you rolled your eyes at the memory of your own jet lag experience. It was horrible. “Is that new? The quality looks expensive, what’s it made of?” You asked about his sweatshirt.
Chan touched the black fabric, pinching it between his fingers to emphasize his next words, “You can say it’s… boyfriend material…” He shyly laughed when you palmed your face at his cheesy joke, but you were laughing too. “I’M JOKING, ENOUGH,” he smiled.
“Maybe you shouldn’t be wearing that, Chan,” you teased.
He looked down at his sweatshirt, searching for any flaws. “Why? Does it look ugly on me?”
“Nope,” you said, shaking your head, “You’re a fraud.”
“For what?”
“As much as you’re wearing something that’s boyfriend material, are you boyfriend material?” You teased him again as he could only smile back at you. He took your hint pretty well.
Chan pretended to shrug and spun in his chair. He briefly stared at the ceiling, thinking of what to say next. When Chan looked into the lens, he chuckled softly, “Can I? Or shall I?”
“Can you what?” You didn’t get it.
“Be your boyfriend.”
You blushed and fell silent. Chan wiggled his eyebrows, feeling like he won this time. It was your turn to get teased by him. He was about to say something but you beat him to it.
“Ask me again in person,” you looked away from the screen of your laptop to hide your warm cheeks.
“Can I? Or shall I?”
“What?”
“Come over now,” Chan eagerly suggested.
It was obvious that he was super excited and wanted to see you in person. He was like a kid on a sugar high.
“Can I? Or shall I?”
When his joke was being repeated by someone else other than him, you, he tilted his head in confusion. “What?” He asked.
“Can I? Or shall I? Be your girlfriend.”
Bang Chan didn’t even have to think twice. “Yes.”
“Well, come on and get over here then,” you laughed.
“Be there in fifteen.”
↫ ix ↬
“Wow, that movie is so good. It’s the best one I’ve seen all year long,” Chan gushed as you searched for places to grab a quick drink before going home.
You both had just finished watching Parasite, a movie about a lower class family benefiting from a wealthy family. From the trailers you’ve watched with Chan, you both thought it was going to be some kind of horror movie. However, the plot was totally unexpected and kept you on your toes. 
Chan paid attention to the road but felt your eyes land on him. You smiled, adding on to what he was probably going to say next, “I’d say it deserves a ten out of ten from me.”
You navigated him to the nearest boba shop. To Chan’s luck, he found an open parking spot a few shops away from the place. When you got out of the car, the strong breeze hit your face, causing you to scrunch your nose. Chan noticed, so he put your hood on and tightly pulled onto the strings of your hoodie. You squealed, leaning away as he laughed. 
As you kept walking, you were tired of having your hand brush against his. So, you took his hand into yours, slowly entwining your fingers with his while holding them up to show him. Chan covered his face because he found you so cute. He wanted to give you a hug. 
“Can I see your wallet?” Chan asked. 
You didn’t know why but you gave it to him anyway. You were fine with it since he’s already seen your cringy IDs since high school. “Why, what are you going to do with it?” 
He ignored your question and approached the cashier, leaving you in the booth by yourself, asking, “Hi, can I get two roasted rice milk teas? Yeah, and with boba too.”
Then, Chan brought his phone out of his pocket, using  Apple Pay as you stood there in disbelief. He walked back to the booth, taking your hand in his and returned your wallet. “Wow, you’re sly,” you slapped his hand away. 
Chan chuckled, playing with the order number at his fingertips, “You can pay next time.”
“Oh, I will,” you stuck your tongue out. 
Once your drinks were out, Chan drove you back to your place. You sat in the car with him, getting nervous when he turned off the engine. “Do you wanna… “ He threw in a suggestion. 
You didn’t even let him finish. “W-wanna what?” 
Chan held back a small laugh, “I was wondering,” and he paused, “If you wanted to take a stroll around the neighborhood before we call it a night.”
You wanted to repeatedly slap your forehead for having inappropriate thoughts in the first place. When you didn’t give Chan an answer, he threw in another suggestion. “Unless it’s too cold outside, we can go back to my place and hang out with Berry,” he shrugged. 
Your eyes lit up at the mention of Berry. Your love for dogs was the same as it was for boba, and you excitedly nodded. Chan shook his head and rolled eyes his at your childlike reaction. He started his car again, reversing to give him some leeway and drove into the streets. His place wasn’t far from yours, it was only a five-minute drive and a fifteen-minute walk. 
After parking his car into the driveway, you bolted out of your seat and waited for him to catch up to you at the door. Chan teased you for being more excited to see Berry instead of him. When you said, ‘Of course,’ he stopped in the middle of unlocking the door and raised an eyebrow. 
Chan leaned in to whisper into your ear, “You can find your own ride back home, then.”
He bit his lip to prevent a smile from forming on his lips when you linked your arms with his, saying ‘sorry’ while begging him to drive you back home later. Of course, Chan was going to take you back. He wanted to make sure you were heading into your house safe and sound. When he finally unlocked the door, Berry woke up and shook herself before approaching the familiar scent of her owner. You heard small footsteps and the bell of her collar tinkling as she walked up to you and Chan. 
He petted her head, giving it a quick scratch before kicking his shoes off. You crouched down to pet Berry while she heavily sniffed your ankles and socks. There was a dog scent coming from you because you have a dog back at home too. 
Chan flipped on the lights and went to the kitchen to dump his empty drink into the motion sensor trash bin. When he walked into the living room, you had Berry laying flat on your chest and stomach. Her head pointed towards you and she cutely blinked, slowly beginning to fall asleep until Chan sat next to you. 
She got up, edging herself between you two and laid on her stomach, waiting for Chan to give her a belly rub. As he rubbed her belly, you looked around the living room and noticed the house was quiet. “Where’s everybody?” You asked. 
“Hannah’s at a sleepover and Lucas went with my parents to see a show. So I guess it’s just you and me.”
“Oh.”
“Wanna see what I’ve been working on?”
“Sure,” you nodded, feeling nervous again. Chan carried Berry back to her doggie bed by the fireplace, giving her one last pet before heading upstairs with you. When you walked into his room, you rolled your eyes at the giant monitors on his desk. Chan turned on his computer, satisfied with its smooth powering up, and typed in his password when the login appeared onto the screen.
Distracted by his light-up keyboard and mouse, you weren’t aware of him asking you to have a seat on his bed. Chan shook his head, handing you the mouse. “Go for it,” he offered you to change the color of his setup. 
When you handed back the mouse, Chan searched for a folder titled: CB97 and clicked on a file that opened into an audio clip. He played it for you, a soft smile appearing on his lips when you bobbed to the beat. “Do you have a name for this song in the making?”
“I’m thinking of… Hoodie Season?”
“I like that title,” you fell onto the bed as he played more clips for you to hear. When your eyelids were slowly beginning to droop, both yours and Chan’s phone buzzed. It was a Snapchat notification from Hyunjin. 
You reached into your butt pocket, whipping out your phone to take a look at whatever irrelevant thing Hyunjin would send to you at this time. When you opened his message, it was a recorded memory from a couple weeks back. 
“Yo, I’m sick as fuuu-“ Felix hyped himself until he threw up into the nearest bush outside of the local bar. Thank god the snap ended before you could see anything coming out, but it was still fun to watch. 
You giggled and pressed onto the next video.
“I miss you, I love you, and I know you’re going to kick my ass when you see me tomorrow,” Jisung whined to his girlfriend on the phone, “If you kick my ass, you will regret it. Then, you won’t have a nice ass to look at and touch anymore.”
Then the camera pointed at you. “You’re so gross,” you fake gagged and took out your own phone to dial your crush, “God, I miss Chan.”
Before you could finish watching the whole thing, you internally screamed inside your head and quickly skipped that part. “What was that?” Chan asked, plopping onto the bed to watch the video when he heard his name being said out loud. 
You immediately chucked the screen away, facing it down onto the bed, “Nothing.”
“Doesn’t seem like nothing,” Chan said, trying to peer over your shoulder.
Shaking your head, you tried to roll away, but he wrapped an arm around your waist, reaching for your phone with his free hand. You pleaded for him to not look, and he did exactly the opposite. 
Chan watched your drunk self confessing to him on the phone from that night. No matter how hard you’d try to wriggle out of his grasp and steal your phone back, he was too strong for you to do so. When the part where you handed your phone to Changbin came up, Hyunjin flipped the camera back to selfie mode to display his face. 
Hyunjin drunkenly pointed his index finger at the camera, trying to prove a point. “And that’s how you get back at Jisung and Y/N.” Several moments later, his eyes widened, “OH My GOD, Y/N.” 
You guessed the recording ended when you threw up. Not a good memory.
Your mouth went agape. Hyunjin did both you and Jisung dirty. 
“I’m going to kill him,” you said, clenching your fist. 
“And I’m going to screen record that from my phone,” Chan laughed, extending his arm to the desk for his phone until you pushed his shoulders back down. He landed onto the bed with a light thud, wrapping his arms around your waist again. Chan stared at your flushed cheeks, softly chuckling at your persistence to prevent him from watching your most embarrassing moment in life once more.
You glanced down to his lips, admiring his prominent cupid’s bow and held in a breath. Chan stared into your eyes, his eyes trailing down your nose, and then to your lips lovingly. Grinning like a fool, he was happy to have you as his and in his arms. Chan bit his lip, stopping the softest smile from spreading across his lips. He knew he failed to keep his cool. While his grip on your waist loosened, he brought a hand to your cheek, gently cupping it with his smooth palm. 
Chan leaned in, a small smirk quirking at the corner of his lips when you nervously gulped. You didn’t even have time to think because his lips were suddenly on yours. Chan pressed on slowly, grabbing your thigh to hitch you closer to him. You fluttered your eyes shut, savoring the taste of his lips as he took control. Chan loved the feeling of having your hands run down from his shoulders and to his chest. He’s honestly the master of the teasing game, lightly nipping at your bottom lip and flicking his tongue at the entrance of your mouth. Before he could deepen the kiss, he flipped you over, so that you’d be lying under him instead. Chan didn’t know where the night would take him and you didn’t either. 
But it is what it is, so he made sure to lock the door, just in case.
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theflowerisblue · 3 years
Text
@joananoexiste going live with @lo_siento_cris
Tamara: Hi! Welcome back to my channel! Hahah okay guys I’m just waiting for the lady to show up. Once she’s here we can begin.let me know if she’s here cause I can’t see. I’m like Alex, dude. This so crazy, everyone’s like I don’t want the lives to end because once they do then it’s the real end. But as I said in Alex’s live this is so cool and it’s really hard to put into words. Here she is! Lo_siento_cris! We all fucked up so hard we the timing!
Irene: hi! I mean yeah! This is so big. I don’t know where to sit to get better lighting but okay. I’m in a bathroom! I was out having dinner and I came into the bathroom for this.
Tamara: of course you are. You couldn’t have done it any other way.
Cris: look! Take it all in! SO
Tamara: SO Irene tell us how are you feeling?
Irene: I’m so sad, girl.
Tamara: haha I’m like SO TELL US! and you’re super sad.
Irene: this is so depressing. Crying in the bathroom. But yeah I’m sad, aren’t you?
Tamara: I’m still in shocked I think. Like in the back of my mind I’m like “yeah, right. That was the end.” But I don’t believe it.
Irene: totally! I haven’t accepted it yet. Like it was the end but not really.
Tamara: right. It’s weird, I was just talking to Alex and I said that we have been holding on to different things to avoid thinking of the ending. Like okay there’s still a season yet, half a season, it’s the last day of filming but it still has to air!
Irene: exactly!
Tamara: and now we’re like “we only have the lives left and that’s it” and we’re like SHIT.
Irene: I’m going to cry.
Tamara: and you can also see it on screen. Like in the last clip, you know? Like I was there but I was watching the clip of the toast and I kept thinking that you can really tell that it wasn’t scripted.
Irene: yes! That was just us!
Tamara: like we would be talking and someone would go “and the marks!” Because we suddenly remember about the scene.
Irene: have you seen the last clip?
Tamara: yeah, of course.
Irene: well, when we’re toasting there at the beach we’re all improvising.
Tamara: I know! I could tell. And everyone did too, if you see the comments you coul see people saying “this is all them” and it was so cool that it was all so real. Because it was so long! Like it was a long time! It’s been years. It sounds crazy but we all did become a family while filming, and now we go from seeing each other every day to okay I can still see you but it’s not the same. So that’s why we did all those comments of “we’re off to college, we won’t see each other as much!” That’s so realistic.
Irene: yes, totally. Like yeah we’re still going to see each other but we won’t be working together. We won’t get to say “any time, bego!” Or “Rosi!”
Tamara: that’s so funny. Bego is literally full of light. I have ever met in my life a nicer, more loveable person than bego.
Irene: I want her to be my big sister.
Tamara: I want her to direct my life.
Irene: YES! EXACTLY! I can’t do it on my own. We can always just show up at her house.
Tamara: one day we all just go there. We use her as a therapist, we tell her all our problems and we say now what? What’s the next scene?
Irene: I don’t know about you, but this past two years she’s been my therapist.
Tamara: my bego. I love her. There are like a million questions so I can’t pick. Let’s just tell stories. Oh! I know, this is a cool questions. When was the first moment you went from these are my coworkers to fuck this is my family.
Irene: it was so early for me. As soon as we met. Like in the first day, several months before we started filming, we created the group chat and we followed each other on Instagram and then like so soon tomi sent a message like “guys, we’re going to be so important to each other.” And that was it for me. So like the first day.
Tamara: super fast.
Irene: I mean have you seen me? I’m a drama queen. I’ll look it up, I’ll find that message and print it. I’ll hang it up on my wall and cry. And how about you? Why would you say?
Tamara: I think that...I don’t know if I can talk about this. Let’s make it family friendly. We were at a party and I was so fucked up, lying on the couch about to die and Ruth comes like a gift sent by the gods. And she goes “come! Come with me” to I don’t know where and I was like mm I like her.
Irene: hahaha this girl seems nice.
Tamara: I like all these people. My memories are mostly like that because during filming I’d mostly film with you. But like I have memories of “casa tomi” (tomi’s house)
Irene: right! That’s like the rite of passage. You haven’t really been a part of this until you come to your first party at casa tomi.
Tamara: legit. I’m y story about Ruth was there.
Irene: you see? That’s where the magic happens.
Tamara: my god. But see that’s what I’m talking about. Like I can’t cry because I don’t really believe it truly ended. It’s weird.
Irene: it is. Don’t you feel like it’s exactly like when we stop during seasons? That’s how I feel, no like it’s really the end.
Tamara: yes! But with the fear of “wait! It’s not that”
Irene: YES! Literally. Like in my mind I know it but I can’t come to terms with it.
Tamara: me neither. My brain refuses to accept it. I’m like well we’re here doing propio for the show. And then I realized there’s nothing else after this.
Irene: girl. There has to be something else. They must release the bloopers. That would be MAGICAL.
Tamara: they should released the HOURS of material they have from the mics.
Irene: oh! Please god no. Thank you very much.
Tamara: the day we found out they were listening! Everyone’s faces. It was so funny.
Irene: the sound crew know everything about my life. Literally everything.
Tamara: they were the true therapist and without even wanting to.
Irene: my confidants. It was funny I would talk to someone and they’d be like “what happened with this?” And I’ll be like when did I tell you about it? It was so bad.
Tamara: that’s so scary!
Irene: it’s all my fault.
Tamara: okay, I think we have two minutes left. Let’s do this, tell me your favorite from each season.
Irene: alright. From the first one I believe that I choose the one where Eva cries in the bus because I was so sad for alba! I wanted to hug her! The funny thing is that I saw it with her next to me and I was like “are you okay?” And she was laughing, we were out partying and I felt so bad for her. From the second one either when clip comes out or “perdóname”
Tamara: that’s iconic. “You’d say anything to make me mad!”
Irene: it’s amazing.
Tamara: what about the third?
Irene: I’ll go with the clip where Nora talks about her sister being sexually assaulted. That’s really cool. And I think that from the fourth, I’ll choose the last one in the islands.
Tamara: from the first one, the one I really liked is
Irene: the one with your song!?
Tamara: hahaha no ❤️ no that one actually freaked me out. Let me tell you why, they tell me: they’ve asked us for a song for this new show called skam and I was like fine! And then while we were joking we say “imagine they use it for a sex scene” and I was like I don’t think so. And they never told us in which scene they would use it. And then the clip drops and I’m like I can’t believe it.
Irene: all your musical appearances in skam are incredible. I mean cute bitch? With Joana on the bridge? C’mon!
Tamara: that was so funny. Because I knew they were using the song but not where, I was like “Great! Fine, whatever you want, bego!” And then I was so shocked. It’s crazy because in the first season rizha exists inside the skam universe but it’s just background music, the characters aren’t listening to her but then in this season JOANA is listening to her.
Irene: Joana listens to rizha that’s crazy!
Tamara: isn’t she suspicious about how they look exactly the same?
Irene: right? She should look at the album and be like “that’s weird”
Tamara: that’s crazy. But we have such cool memories. Everything has been so intense. I mean it’s the end, but we’ll always have it.
Irene: exactly.
Tamara: could you imagine if they delete everything? Tomorrow you wake up and it’s all been a dream!
Irene: like in “Los Serrano” could you imagine? I’d die.
Tamara: okay, time’s up. I have to let you go, say goodbye.
Irene: why me? If I still have my live left.
Tamara: you’re absolutely right. Let me do it then. guys! You’ve been super important for this show, you’ve made us laugh, cry, shown us much love. The show will always be there, you can still watch it. But thank you for everything, for all your support. It’s been fucking crazy!
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hyunsracha · 4 years
Text
for your entertainment — han jisung
word count: 2.3k
summary: jisung panics when he sees cute people. he also stares at them.
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so you work at an entertainment store right
where ppl can buy like uhhh movies and albums n merch n stuff!!
u like ur job.. it’s one of the least popular stores in the mall so u spend most of ur time organizing and reorganizing with one earbud in listening to music
u have to wear a boring grey t-shirt as uniform so u spice things up by making the rest of u look good
everyone else does the same thing i mean … ur manager lia wears purple eyeshadow ok
ur other manager chris doesn’t even try to look good! and it’s so fucking annoying u wanna knock his fuck 24/7
random girl: hehe<3 can i have ur number?
chris: only if u sign up for our rewards program<3
u, angry bc u haven’t sold any rewards programs in a week: >:(
ur other two co-workers are hyunjin and jeongin.
hyunjin has a pretty popular youtube dancer cover channel, but for Copyright Reasons it’s not paying the bills
and jeongin is a senior in high school and this is his first job and u just wanna pinch his little cheeks every time u work together
“y/n i swear to god i’m gonna punch u and get fired rn stop POKING MY CHEEKS-”
“he’s just a little baby…*to passing customer* LOOK AT THE BABY!”
“>:(((“
so it’s a tuesday night.
tuesday nights are the fucking best (worst if u love talking to ppl) bc u’ll get like … 2 customers in 4 hours?
it’s 8pm and the mall closes at 9
usually u start vacuuming at 8:30 but at like 7:50 chris was like “GET THE FUCKING VACUUM WE’RE CLOSING RN !!”
jeongin: u do it.
u: no u do it bitch.
jeongin: *sticks out his fist*
u sigh and do rock paper scissors like the baby wants.
and u lose
u fucking lose
and jeongin just cackles, sitting down on the stool behind the registers
so u trudge to the back room and the vacuum, grumbling about how ur older so jeongin should be doing this!!
but it’s fine!
so you’re vacuuming right.
and in storms Han Jisung
yes han jisung is the kinda dude to come to the mall right before closing and go on a shopping spree
he’s got his best friend lee minho in tow, who does Not look happy to be here.
“come on minho!! i need to get season 4 of naruto to finish my collection!!” jisung whines, pulling on his friend’s arm as he stands on his tiptoes to look for the anime section.
“can you keep your voice down?? i have an image, yanno.”
“minho you’re literally here to buy a kelly clarkson album.”
minho grumbles and waddles off towards the cds, where you are...vacuuming...loudly
and minho’s like -____- why are u so fucking loud
like u don’t MEAN to be loud?? but it’s a VACUUM??
so minho’s looking for his beloved kelly clarkson album right,
and jisung comes around the corner, season 4 of naruto in tow.
and he sees you
and nearly drops it
jisung gets crushes very easily okay..
he can’t help it! the boy loves to love (◕‿◕)♡
and u look so cute in ur lil t-shirt!! like a little retail angel!!
so he grabs minho’s arm and DRAGS HIM TO where the movies are
and he panics!
“THEY’RE SO CUTE AAH I WANNA GIVE THEM A BIG FAT HUG-”
“do you mean the person vacuuming -__- loud as hell”
“minho it’s a vacuum.”
so you stop vacuuming and return the vacuum to the back room (and wash ur hands in the bathroom bc the soap smells like lemons and sunshine) and come back to the floor
u have a ton of time until closing so u just. sit.. and start reorganizing the heavy metal albums.
after a while u feel … weird … like ur being watched
so u turn around and. there they are. staring like (・_・)
and ur like “HELLO?!?!” but u don’t say anything
u just give them a Customer Service Smile and a, “can i help you with anything?”
jisung just giggles and shakes his head and minho keeps fuckign staring
mr lee i will knock ur fuck is that what u want
so u shrug and go back to ur sorting, keeping an eye on the CREEPS in ur store.
at 8:55 chris is like “jeongin go close the gate.” n jeongin’s like “FUCK YEAH” bc he gets to hold a big stick
so he’s walking towards the front of the store with his Big Stick when he sees jisung and minho
“what da hell are y’all doing?” is what he thinks but he says, “(: hi! the store closes in five minutes and i’m about to close the front gate. i’m so sorry, but you have to leave now! :)”
so jisung pouts and minho rolls his eyes, dragging his friend out of the store.
jeongin uses his Big Stick to pull the gate down and he locks it at about mid calf level so y’all can get out.
so that night, u go home and do some homework, but ur still thinking about those weirdos.
but! u’ll probably never see them again!
right?
Wrong.
u see them the next day!
they’re still watching u, but they’re closer
and minho looks more irritated.
towards the end of the night, ur Upset and Confused so u go over to them like o_o. What do u want.
and jisung goes JISJSJHTIE
and minho goes, “jisung thinks you’re cute.”
u start to blush, but jisung squeaks, “NO ahah- uh- he likes to talk in third person! he’s jisung ahaha.”
“my name is not jisung i would Hate to be named jisung.”
“WH- why? there’s a soccer player named jisung. and an idol! multiple idols!”
“yeah the guy in nct is 2 years younger than you and has the same name. and what have You done successfully? Quickly-”
“HEY-”
the two boys in front of u bicker while u start zoning out at the wall behind them.
you knew that the boy with blue hair was jisung, but you didn’t know the one with brown hair. and you assumed that they were friends, judging by the .. bonding activity that is staring at an employee.
and jisung wasn’t …. ugly
like he was really … really cute
but staring at people is fucking weird, jisung!!
when u finally snap out of it, u huff, “okay losers. we are closing soon. so you have to leave. but you’re welcome to come back tomorrow if you’re going to actually talk to me and not just stand in the corner! okay?”
the boys nod, grinning at each other before dashing out of the store.
so, like u said, they’re back the next day!
and this time they actually talk to u! Wow!
you’re sitting on the floor in the back of the store, organizing the funko pops for the 70th time when you feel A Presence.
two, actually.
it’s the two boys, sitting on either side of u.
“hi,” jisung says, playing with his fingers in his lap.
“you’re jisung, right? the cute one..” u reply absentmindedly
u hear a choking sound and then Silence
miss jisung ? miss JISUNG ?
he’s alive, but jfc BARELY
u just called him the CUTE ONE?!?!?
paying no mind, u turn to the boy on ur right, “and you are?”
“lee minho. don’t worry, you won’t forget it.”
“was that supposed to be a pick-up line?”
“did it work?”
“no.”
“HAH!” and jisung’s alive again.
u spend the rest of ur shift talking to the boys, telling them all about ur life while they told u about theirs
u learned that minho was a dancer just like hyunjin! but he went to the nearby university to study.
and that’s where he met jisung, who’s a music composition major
...and a soundcloud rapper…
u could help the laugh that pushed past ur lips at his words
“WHY ARE U LAUGHING.”
“a SoundCloud rapper. really, sung?”
“IT’S COOL ヾ(`ヘ´)ノ゙”
u couldn’t imagine him as a ‘cool’ rapper dude
he just looked so fluffy :(
at 8:55, the boys got kicked out by jeongin again, but they stood outside the gate, waiting for u
“What do y’all want.”
“i wanna walk u to ur car:(“
“i don’t.”
“ok minho then Leave.”
“NO DON’T he’s my ride don’t say that to him.”
it’s dark outside, and a warm wind blows through ur hair.
it’s late spring, with summer (and finals) fast approaching.
“walking me to my car...what a gentleman…”
“yeah that’s why you should totally go on a date with me haha.”
“what?”
“what?”
“you said-”
“i didn’t say anything.”
minho sighs from behind u, not understanding why his best friend has to be so damn stupid all the time
u lean on ur driver’s side door, not making eye contact with the boy
u didn’t know how to say bye..no one’s ever walked u to ur car before??
“so…” jisung speaks for u, “can i … have your number? so i don’t show up at the store when you’re not working.” he holds his phone out for u to take, a sheepish smile barely visible due to the lights in the parking lot.
“oh! totally.” you take the phone from him, jolting when ur fingers graze his. u set ur contact as ‘the person sungie likes to stare at~” before giving it back to him.
he chuckles at the name, and u feel something inside of u go DOKIDOKI
when he says goodnight and walks away, minho giving u a quick nod, u lock urself in ur car so u can PANIC
u barely know this boy. he’s a weirdo. why is ur heart going dokidoki
heart STOP IT!!
it only gets worse when u hear the text notification sound from ur phone:
[ unknown ]: do u work tmrw? (^_−)☆ i already miss u
…. frick …. he texts cute
dammit jisung why couldn’t u send the laughing emoji
[ y/n ]: i do ! ^.^ i’ll see u then?
[ creeper ]: wouldn’t miss it~ (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ goodnight!
u nearly slam ur head on the steering wheel.
true to his word, jisung was back the next day
and the day after that
and the day after that
the day after That, u were off, so u didn’t see him
but u guys texted nearly all day!
jisung was just … really easy to talk to :/
and really funny :/
and every time he giggled u just wanted to cry a little bit :/
and u feel like a CLOWN bc u have a CRUSH on this dude that hangs out with u at WORK
one day, ur at work, and jisung isn't there:((
u feel a little dumb being upset about it, but u were starting to get used to the little guy
“somebody looks like a sad clown.”
“hyunjin~” u whine.
“oh no. that’s the boy problems whine. uhhh suddenly i’m on break!” he tries to stand and walk away, but u pull him back down next to u.
see, u and hyunjin were pretty close.
u two are the same age and watch the same dramas.
and ur both super dramatic
which is WHY when u got ur heart broken by lee donghyuck a few months after u started working there, he was ur shoulder to cry - and complain - on.
“stop :( there was this boy who came in every day and talked to me and he’s super cute but he’s not here today and i miss him :(“
hyunjin just …. stared at u like …. wtf are u talking about
“do you have his number?”
“yes.”
“have you texted him to ask why he’s not here today?”
“...no…”
“(; ̄Д ̄) Y/N U FUCKIN FOOL!!! U ABSOLUTE IMBECILE!!!”
“STOP YELLING AT ME HWANG HYUNJIN I’LL DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU LOVE!”
a customer standing in front of the register, trying to buy some headphones: uh.. should i go?
u make hyunjin deal with the customer while u sneak out ur phone to text jisung
[ y/n ]: where are u . no one is here 2 annoy me today (except hyunjin but he doesn’t count)
u wait 5 minutes … no reply
10 minutes … no reply
an hour … no reply
“WAAAAA 。・゚゚*(>д<)*゚゚・。 HYUNJIN 。・゚゚*(>д<)*゚゚・。”
hyunjin, handing a poor lady her receipt: jesus fucking christ
ur sulking as u leave the store that night
u still feel dumb, but now ur too Sad to feel dumb
u press the lock button on ur car keys so the lights would come on and the horn would sound, telling u where ur car was
“OH FUCK- jesus...stupid car…”
….that’s not what ur car horn sounds like.
u slowly approach, holding ur keys in between ur fingers
ur not afraid to stab a bitch with ur mail key and that’s on wolverine.
u breathe a sigh of Relief when u see it’s just jisung leaning against ur door
wait
jisung
“jisung?” u voice ur thoughts
his hand comes up to rub the back of his neck, “yeah..hi..sorry i didn’t text you back. i nearly backed out of doing this and i didn’t wanna look stupid.”
“you look stupid all the time.”
“jeez, thanks.”
u cross ur arms, stepping closer to the boy, “back out of what?”
“well i uh- do you remember how minho said i think you’re cute on the first day we talked?”
you nod.
“well...that hasn’t changed. i think you’re cute...really cute, actually.”
you blush again, just like the first time, “what does me being cute have to do with you standing in front of my car?”
“well, i don’t have a car, so i’m hoping...you can drive when we go on our first date?”
your heart nearly stops, but you start to smile.
“han jisung, are you asking me out?”
“are you saying yes?”
“yes.”
“then yeah. i am.”
your smile only gets wider as you close the gap between you two, wrapping your arms around his middle. he pats your head, a chuckle vibrating under your ear.
“also i need a ride home. minho dropped me off.”
“*sigh* jisung…”
723 notes · View notes
superfanficnatural · 4 years
Text
Maybe the apocalypse isn’t so bad after all
Pairing: Negan x Male!Reader
Summary: Negan finds you having some fun with some walkers, resulting in some unrequited attraction to intertwine the both of you. Deciding to go back to the sanctuary with him, the both of you couldn’t hold yourselves back any longer.
A/N: This is my first Negan fic so I really hope that you guys like it! I tried to make Negans personality as accurate as possible so there is a TON of f-bombs in here haha, also I know the summary sucks but I couldn’t think of anything to write xD, enjoy!
A/N 2: Spoilers for TWD seasons 6 and further but if you are reading a Negan fic then it’s not a spoiler lol.
Warnings: Heavy Cursing, Smut, NSFW 18+, Oral Receiving (Male), Dirty Talk, Anal Sex, Bondage (Rope and Blindfold), Daddy Kink, Slight Fingering, some others.
Word Count: 3.5K
Italics are thoughts
Gif isn’t mine
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Negan’s POV
“God DAMN it’s been SO long since I’ve been able to let out some steam.” 
“Who the hell was that?” asked one of the four soldiers behind me.
We backed up and hid behind a wall, I peeked my head over to see some random fucking guy walking up to the gas station next to us. I counted a dozen walkers, he can’t be serious, I thought to myself. He took off the backpack he was wearing and to my surprise, he didn’t grab the pistol by his hip, instead reaching behind him to grab a machete that was hooked onto his back. 
“Now, who’s first.” the guy said, walking up to the walkers. 
Two of them walked up to him side by side and he swung his machete, beheading two of the fuckers at once, damn he’s good.
“Oh come on, you guys can do better.” he teased, inching closer to another three.
They were decently spaced out, walking in a single file line, cars on their sides making their path narrow. He shoved his machete into the first one's stomach, pushing him back until his machete hit all three. The walker at the front tried to grab him, flinging its arms out at his face. I was about to go help the poor son of a bitch until I saw him cut both of it’s arms off in seconds, swinging his machete once again, this time connecting with its head. Whoever this guy is, he’s fucking good. I was considering taking him in, seeing if he could help the sanctuary. 
“Damn, sucks for you.” he said sarcastically, coaxing a small chuckle to leave my lips, now this is the kind of person I want around me.
He shoved his machete through the second one's skull, piercing it and getting the third one as well. Seven left.
One was trapped in a car, another trapped underneath one, the other five in a group a few feet in front of him. 
“Come on you fuckers, come to daddy.” he joked. He’s a badass AND funny? Well fuck me.
He dropped his machete and I was about to yell out and call him a dumbass until he reached behind him, grabbing two medium sized knives strapped to the back of his belt. He approached the group, throwing one knife, he connected it with one of the fuckers heads, running up and tackling the second, his other knife going into it’s eye socket. He ripped out the knife and walked up to the other walker on the ground, taking the knife out, he ran up to the last three, simultaneously killing two of them. Turning to the third, he motioned him to come closer with his pointer finger. The walker was at biting distance and that’s when he shoved both of his knives into the sides of his head. He turned around and that’s when I saw the smirk on his face, blood covering it and his clothes, my pants tightened and my breathing got heavier, wait what the fuck? I’m not into- forget it.
He easily finished off the two remaining walkers and grabbed his machete off of the floor, walking over to his backpack and picking it up, I was tempted to walk out, try and get him to come back to camp with me. 
“You gonna come out or...?” he said, glancing over in our direction with a grin, we all instantly jumped behind the wall. After a few moments I decided to walk out, taking my chances.
Your POV
You knew there was a group of guys behind that wall this whole time, how else would you have survived this long without picking up a few skills?
“I’m not going to wait forever ya know?” you finished, growing tired of them hiding. You were about to make your way over to them until a man walked out, fuck. You hadn’t seen any attractive men since this entire fucking apocalypse and there he was, salt and pepper beard, slick black hair, a black jacket and baseball bat wrapped with wire, a complete fucking dilf. Attractive AND dangerous? Fuck me. 
“Don’t mean you any harm, was just walking through here until I saw you fuck UP those sons of bitches.” a foul mouth too? Damn, I guess some good things do come out of the apocalypse. 
“Right... anything else you need?”
“People, honestly, you got a camp or something?” he asked, testing you.
“No, I don’t have a camp, I also know there are four other guys behind that wall so you have a camp.” he was about to open his mouth to speak but you cut him off, “Don’t worry, I couldn’t care less if you have a camp or not, I’ll just be going on my merry way.” 
“Wait!” he urged, turning you back around.
“You need something, daddy?” you joked, not realizing the power behind your word until after you said it, a slight blush threatening to flash across your face. 
He smirked and his eyes grew darker, “Actually, I do. I want you to come back to my camp, I need tough sons of bitches like you,” he admitted.
Wait, he smirked?? He doesn’t look gay to me at all, I mean he looks like he can probably fuck whoever he want’s but he definitely does not swing that way, he was probably just laughing at my joke, yeah, that.
“I’ve always been solo, what makes you think I want to join up with you guys?” you asked, already considering it just because of this perfect vessel in front of you. 
“Can’t be solo forever, eventually you’re going to need some help. Plus, we got food, running water and electricity, clothes, anything you could ask for.”
“Electricity? As in I can shave my pubes after however many fucking years? Along with this ridiculously unfashioned beard?” you asked, perking up.
He chuckled, “Would I ever fucking lie to you?”
You chuckled to that in return, damn a sense of humor too? Who the hell is this guy?
“I’m Y/N, you?”
“Negan, and this here is my baby, Lucille,” he said, swinging the bat around.
“Oh god, you were definitely one of those guys who named his car some kind of name before all of this weren’t you?” you asked with a jokingly disgusted face.
He full body laughed at that, resulting in you letting out a small chuckle as well, “Something like that, so, you wanna join up with me?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Fuck it, why not,” you responded with a smile, him giving you one in return.
You both made your way over to the other men, introducing yourself and them doing the same, you already forgot their names except for the one who looked important, Simon. They had a truck a few hundred feet down the road, “What were you guys doing out here anyways?” you asked.
“We came to this gas station looking for some gas, but from what it looks like, there’s nothing left.” Simon replied.
You nodded in acknowledgement, hopping on the back of the truck while the rest got in, Negan in the driver's seat with Simon next to him, you had a feeling he was his right hand man. 
After about an hour on the road, you reached a huge factory, fences with walkers hung up on them, smart, keeps the rest away. After a whistle from Negan, the gates were opened by two men, driving past them you saw they were fully armed, damn, this place is fortified. 
Parking in front of what seemed like the front entrance, you all got out and Negan motioned for you to come over to him. Walking into the building, you noticed a bunch of stalls and what seemed like people selling stuff, “On the first level, we have the point system, they sell what they have for other people in need and get points to buy stuff for themselves.”
“Seems a bit flawed but it’s better than nothing I guess.” you shrugged.
Walking past the hundreds of people, you noticed they all basically got on their knees as he walked past them, “What are you? God?” you joked.
He smirked, “To these people? Fuck yeah I am.”
Chuckling, you made your way up to the second floor with him, noticing long hallways with multiple doors.
“Up here the point system doesn’t exist, it’s where all the soldiers sleep, eat, and probably fuck, no points necessary.”
“Damn, sign me the fuck up.”
“Why else do you think you’re here smartass?” he nudged your shoulder.
“Fuck off, where are we going?” you asked, nudging him back.
“To your room, so you can settle in and cut those pubes that you were talking about.” 
You laughed, continuing on with him. He stopped at the end of the hallway and opened a door, a huge room that looked nice as fuck came into view, “There’s no way this is mine.” you said in disbelief.
“This one is mine, but yours is similar, come here.” he said, walking over to another door a bit further down the hall. He opened the door and you saw a room that was barely decorated, all of the essentials in place.
“Damn, last time I had a place this nice was in my dreams a few months ago.”
He chuckled and walked you over to the bathroom, you noticed a shower with a razor on the counter, along with some shampoo and body wash.
“I would normally tell you to not take too long with the hot water, I have a feeling you’re gonna go and stay as long as you fucking want anyway, so go ahead and take your shower and shave, I’ll be waiting in the main room.” he said, walking out and closing the door behind him. Wasn’t he the leader of this place? Does he really have the time to wait on me?
You stripped down, turning on the shower and getting in. Holy shit the water felt amazing, you didn’t even wash yourself for a few minutes, simply enjoying the amazingly warm water before eventually washing yourself thoroughly. Getting out of the shower you felt refreshed, the best feeling you have had in the past six, seven years? 
Grabbing the razor from the countertop along with the shaving cream, you shaved off all of your pubes, already feeling so much better. You didn’t want to get rid of your beard, it actually suited you very well, it just needed a trim and size-up. Grabbing the electronic clipper, you trimmed your beard about an inch, it not being too long anyways, and lined up your cheeks, cutting the area around your ear as well. Learning how to cut hair from your friend before all of this started, it helped out a lot. Trimming your hair down as well and shortening the sides, you looked like a new man. Probably ten times more attractive as well, your face finally shining.
Wrapping the towel around your waist since there weren’t any clothes inside the bathroom, you walked out and were met with Negan laying on the bed, Lucille perched up against the wall.
Negan’s POV
Why the hell did I get hard earlier? And why the fuck can’t I stop looking at him? So many questions were going through my head as I was laying on the bed waiting for Y/N. He was taking a while but I know shaving is a pain in the ass. I heard the bathroom door open and I was met with Y/N in nothing but a towel. Fucking shit he is sexy as hell. I could finally see his face clearly, beard and hair trimmed down, was he a fucking model before all this shit? His body was covered in a few scars, only serving to make him look more intimidating and sexy, his figure still lean, six pack abs, toned arms, legs I wanted to kiss and bite. I’ve never even considered fucking a dude, why the hell am I now? I was brought out of my head by Y/N clearing his throat, a smirk on his beautiful lips, “Got any clothes I can fit into?”
Your POV
You walked out and saw that Negan was checking you out, you fought your hardest to suppress your blush and instead put on a confident smirk, “Got any clothes I can fit into?” you asked, bringing him out of whatever he was thinking of. Without saying a word, he got up and stood in front of you, eyes darkened with lust, breathing heavy.
“Unfortunately we don’t, so you are going to have to fucking wait till we find some.” he slowly gravelled. Reaching out, he tugged at your towel, no fucking way this is happening.
“Negan, what-”
“Shhhhh, just let me see.” he cut you off with a whisper. Pulling your towel apart, it fell into the small space in between you two. You were already hard, the simple close proximity of him arousing you. He glanced down and you heard a low moan from his chest. He pushed you against the wall and buried his face in your throat.
“Why the fuck are you so goddamn hot, I never thought I would like another guy but the only thing I can think of around you is how fucking good your tight little ass will feel around my cock while I bend you over and fuck you.” he growled, nipping on the skin of your neck.
You felt your knees grow weak, mind going hazy from his dirty talk. He backed up and took off his jacket, his shirt following. There were multiple tattoos covering his skin, hair on his chest and stomach, if the world ending brought me to this moment, I wouldn’t change a thing. Before he could take off his belt, you grabbed his hand and stopped him, sucking on his neck and leaving a few hickeys, you removed his belt and pushed his pants down, leaving the underwear you got on your knees. Licking and sucking his cock through the thin fabric, his hand grabbing your hair, “Fuck that feels good.” he moaned.
You smiled and removed his underwear, his thick cock bouncing out, you licked your lips in anticipation, you knew he was going to burn just the right way. You teased him a bit longer, licking the tip and tasting his precum, fuck he tastes good. He pulled on your hair and you looked up at him, “Stop fucking teasing me and suck my goddamn cock.” he commanded. You smirked and took him into your throat, inching your way down until he bottomed out, another skill you kept, your cock sucking skills. You started bobbing your head up and down, licking the underside of his cock as you were going, feeling the vein throb. His grip on your hair got tighter and he started moaning, it was the sexiest thing you had ever heard. You wanted to taste him, pulling off, “Cum in my mouth daddy, let me taste you.” you huskily whispered, using the nickname from before. His eyes darkened even further if that was possible and you knew the name turned him on. Resuming your task, you started going faster, twisting your head as you sunk down on him, hollowing your cheeks. He started pumping his hips into your mouth, keeping his hold on your hair tight so you wouldn’t be able to escape. Pumping his hips a few more times, “Fuck I’m gonna cum down your throat, fuck yeah, you want my cum don’t you, my dirty little boy.” You hummed around him, the vibration triggering his release. 
“Oh fuck yeah!” Feeling his cum coat your tongue, you eagerly swallowed it all down, his taste arousing you further, making precum leak from your tip. 
He let out a huge sigh and took a moment to compose himself before grabbing you by the arms and tossing you on the bed. He reached into a cabinet next to the bed, pulling out a blindfold and some rope, “So, every room just has sex toys in them?” you jokingly asked. He chuckled darkly before responding, “Something like that.”
He climbed on the bed next to you, roughly grabbing your arms and tying them together, bringing them up to the bed frame. Putting the blindfold on you, he slowly backed up. You had never done this before and saying you were nervous was an understatement. You couldn’t see anything and barely heard any movement, you almost thought he just left you there until you felt his lips on your inner thigh, “Shit.” you hissed, the feeling intensified since you didn’t know it was coming. You felt him smirk against your thigh, his lips inching closer and closer to your throbbing cock, “You were made to suck cock, good little cock slut aren’t you? Well daddy is gonna be nice enough and return the favor.” 
You felt his breath ghost against your cock, feeling his hand wrap around it and slowly start to stroke it, the simple movement threatening to make you bust, the tension already too high. You felt his lips wrap around the head and you let out an appreciative sigh, his warm mouth enveloping you. He bobbed his head up and down and you wished you could see him, just imagining him sucking you off made you squirm in place. He brushed his finger against your rim and you let out an involuntary moan, him ceasing his actions for a second, then returning to it with his finger rubbing and tapping your hole. 
You started tensing up, “Fuck Negan, I’m gonna cum.” you moaned. 
He instantly pulled away, “What the fu- Keep going!” you whined.
He chuckled, “You’re only cumming when daddy says you can.”
He lifted your legs up and balanced them on his shoulders, you could hear him spit down on his cock to lube it up, feeling the tip press against your rim. You could already feel how thick he was, moaning in anticipation. 
He slowly started to push in, stretching your walls to their breaking point, “Oh fuck!” you shouted. You could feel the vibrations of his chuckle against you, your arms slightly hurting from the amount of force you were struggling against the rope with. Inching in, he finally bottomed out and you let out a loud moan, feeling completely and utterly full. 
“Today is your lucky fucking day, daddy is gonna fill you up with two loads, and you’re going to take this one deep inside of you.” he grounded out, voice low and husky.
He pulled out almost all the way until nothing but the tip was left then rammed his cock inside of you, “Oh fuck, Negan!”
He started relentlessly pounding into you, leaving no room for you to even breathe. The breath being forced out of you with each thrust, you could hear the bed creaking with the force behind each one, the sounds of his cock entering and exiting your hole filling the room. 
“Damn your ass is fucking perfect, warm and tight, perfect for my cock to fill and stuff with cum.” he growled, reaching down and nibbling on your ear. He was hitting your prostate with what seemed like pinpoint accuracy, each thrust bringing you closer to your release. His hips started stuttering and you could tell he was close. Wanting to return the dirty talk, “Fuck daddy, your cock feels so good inside of me, filling me up to the brim, cum inside me, breed me and make me yours.” you moaned in his ear, clenching the muscles in your ass to make it tighter. 
He let out a guttural moan and slammed into you, the force behind it greater than before, sending you into your orgasm, shooting all over your chest. He pumped his hips a few more times and released, grunting your name into your ear. You could feel him shoot string after string of cum into you. Pulling out, there was a trail of cum following his cock, your ass completely filled. He licked a stripe up your chest, collecting all of the cum there and taking off your blindfold, he claimed your lips and shared your cum. You moaned, intertwining your tongues together and sharing the taste. 
“Fuck you even taste perfect, how the fuck did I not find you before?” he asked rhetorically. 
He unwrapped the rope from your hands and reached for the towel on the floor, cleaning up the cum dripping from your hole and both of your cocks, plopping down on the bed next to you. Both of you let out huge sighs, more than satiated with what just happened. You turned towards him to notice a soft look on his face, damn, this man is incredible, you thought, gazing at his handsome face. 
He was wearing a huge smile, “What?” you asked with your own smile.
“Nothing, was just thinking that maybe the apocalypse isn’t so bad after all.”
Tag List: @negan-the-cat​ @negans-network​ @negandarylsatisfaction​ @magssteenkamp​
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shinymooncolor · 4 years
Text
Hi all!
As usual, I owe all of this to the wonderful world created by @lumosinlove. 🙏🏻
I love Kris so much. Single dad, hockey star is a mood. Apologies in advance. 😇
Enjoy!
Sweater weather chats #2
Kris joins a super secret club. Lily gets emotional. We get introduced to the bat cave. Kris is a cautionary tale for the rookies. Or that’s what Nado days. Kris is also an honorary mom. Celeste reminisces. Kasey, Nado and Kuny babysits. Everybody loves Remus. Ava wants a pony. Natalie has plans. SO MUCH BROMANCE.
—————
Emotional support group and Remus 🤩🥰🏒:
Friday 3.32 pm
NatNat added Kris to the group.
Allison: do I spy a new member? Welcome to the dark side, Kris. The rules are simple - this is a safe space for us to discuss our men, babies and other related topics.
Lucia: also, never tell the boys what happens at brunch. 😁
Celeste: welcome Kris. We thought you’d enjoy coming to brunch with us - Ava is always welcome.
Kris: woah? What is this? Shit. I’m honored. Also Remus? Wtf.
Remus: hi kris yeah I don’t know how I was allowed in, but it’s nice. 😁
NatNat: well Dumo might be the honorary dad but Kris is totally the honorary mom on the team. He wiped Gatorade off of Leo’s face last game. It was adorable 😍😍😍
Kris: well James did unscrew the top as a prank, not actually sure it’s a prank if you do it every game. And Leo didn’t realize. And he’s weird about not taking his blocker off. Had to help the kid out. 😆
Allison: well it made us enroll you in our secret and sacred club. Welcome! 🤩
NatNat: i forgot to send this on Wednesday!! Baby Russian with baby puppies
*kuny puppy pic*
GingerLily: awwww he looks so happy. James said he’s been depressed he cannot train this week. I love this. 😍
Anyaismyname: my baby. I knew him from he was 16. Such a sweet boy.
Kris: sweet? Are we talking about the same Kuny? He taught Ava to cuss a ref and last time the media asked her what she thought of the game and my playing, she parroted that. I had a trending tag for a month after that on Twitter😔
NatNat: I’m not condoning it but it was hilarious. I cried. But seriously he adopted a cat and named her Aya and they send me selfies with her every 7 minutes. They built her a castle in their ridiculous bat cave game room. 😅👑🐱
Remus: the bat cave is awesome. They’ve got pro surround sound and all. And a real slushee machine. 🤖 also kris, coach want you all back on the ice in 10.
NatNat: yeah haha kase is excited to go for halo night. Apparently they’ve got some sort of new VR stuff for practicing as well. 🏒🏒🏒
Celeste: Kris, don’t worry about the curse words. Marc spent three months yelling fuck at everything after Logan accidentally taught him. They get over it quick and the fans love you even more after that - haven’t you been on the most eligible list for your entire career? Also, didn’t Anya tell Kuny’s mom?
Anyaismyname: da, and believe me, Scolding work better in Russian. And I promised her to look out for her boy.
Kris: thanks guys, I know. I was just shocked. She’s my baby and sometimes I just can’t handle how quick she grows... it’s not fair... and yeah, apparently a single dad with a travel heavy job is eligible. Weird.... also - the boys’ game room is amazing and they did set up a my little pony game for her last time on the projector. Be there in three Re!!! 🏃‍♂️
GingerLily: awww I cant believe she was a baby when I first met her. She grows sooo quick! 😍
Kris: well it’s you soon! Good luck - you think you know what love feels like but. Damn, a baby just changes things. ☺️
GingerLily: we’re starting on the nursery next week and I can’t wait. James is hopeless with tools though but we’ve decided on a color theme at least 🥰🥰🥰
Celeste: mmh, that is always a big moment. I remember when I was pregnant with Adele, Pascal was still just settling into the Lions and we’d already moved twice, but something changed when we started working on the nursery. It got real then - he didn’t get the puck theme he wanted but nevertheless, I think that was when he really realized he was about to become a father 😍
NatNat: awwwww, can’t even imagine you two without your babies 😁
Celeste: me neither, honey, me neither. 😉
Friday, 4.38 pm
Kris: Natalie do you think we could find a puppy for Ava? We could house train it during off season and she’s been begging for a puppy for a while and i really want one too and hopefully with a puppy the “I want a pony” phase can be forgotten! :)
NatNat: of course!!! Also shouldn’t you be at training?
Kris: We finished 5 minutes ago. :) also thanks for cheering Kuny up, he was allowed to do stretches today.
NatNat: oh god. Forget the time out here. Is kase done too?
Kris: yeah but he’s currently unavailable. Something about hug a goalie day *pic of kasey and Leo, on the ice under a mountain of players*
GingerLily: 🤦🏽
Celeste: on another note my lovelies. I would love to host brunch next Sunday! We have full attendance - Elsa is visiting from Sweden! :) please let me know how many babies you’re bringing.
Sunday 7.03 am
Kris: hi Celeste. I’m really sorry to do this last minute but ava’s mom has cancelled again and I can’t get a sitter this late. I’d love to come for brunch next time though.
Celeste: oh my dear. Bring her. It’s absolutely no problem.
NatNat: hey kris. Kasey is going to nado and Kuny and he says they’re happy to babysit. Also he wants to know why you and Remus are invited to brunch. Don’t tell him anything. 😉😉😉
Kris: oh I don’t want to be a problem they probably don’t want a 4-year old to disturb their halo game...😬
NatNat: it’s not a problem at all :) (also need kase to practice - not getting any younger here 😏🤩)
Kris: well if it’s really no problem I know Ava would love to spend time with them. :) also totally rooting for baby blizzards soon!
———-
Blizzard created a new group: Babysitting
Blizzard added RussianGod, Nadotheman and KrisVolley
Blizzard: hey guys. Quick change of plans. Ava is hanging out with us today. Kris is going to brunch with the girls?! Said we’d be happy to spoil baby munchkin and teach her more Russian curse words
RussianGod: ok. Can we eat cookie? Also no bad words. Don’t want more yelling from Anya. She scary.
Blizzard: season diet Kuny. Oreos are only for Ava. And isn’t Anya like 5.2?
RussianGod: nado is still sleeping. But we can go to park and meet ladies. They love single dad. But Anya is little but scary. Have you not see how she keep sergei in check?
KrisVolley; you are not using my baby to meet ladies. Haha oh never thought of that. Anya is always nice to me 😂
KrisVolley: Here are the ground rules gentlemen!!!!
1) no begging - you need to say no and stick with it, unless she’s crying properly don’t give in to her. She hissy cries when she wants things her way
2) not too much sugar and candy alright? (Looking at you Kuny)
3) Kuny and nado can’t use her as a ploy to ensnare women.
4) do NOT teach her any more Russians words unless they’re good, safe and cute words. The press still hounds me from the time you taught her to cuss a ref....
5) have fun and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do
Nadotheman: Morning boys. Also happy to babysit. But tHaNkS fOR aSkInG kase... 👍🏻 also @KrisVolley:
1) how the hell are we supposed to say no to that face? No idea how you made such a beautiful baby.
2) no problem. (Totally lying to you)
3) we would never use our baby niece in such a despicable way 😳 also it was one time and we can’t help that we are irresistible to baby-crazy ladies.
4) she can only scold a ref. According to Kuny totally safe and good words. Don’t believe what Sergei or Sunny says. Or the press.
5) so don’t knock up a fan at 18? Alright man got it.
KrisVolley: ....
Nadotheman: just keeping it real. You’re a cautionary tale for the rookies man. But your baby is cute. And you do a great job bro! 💪🏻
KrisVolley: I’m a what?? And thanks Nado. 😊
Blizzard: When you’re done with your moment.... I’m picking her up in five, can Nat go with you to Dumo’s? Ava and I will go have brunch at the bat cave and have an awesome time. And don’t worry. I’ll keep an eye on the boys.
KrisVolley: thanks Blizzard. Good practice as well 😉
Kuny: 👀👀👀👀 baby blizzard????
Blizzard: alright calm down m8. We’re not even married (no judging kris)
Nadotheman: whatever you say bro. You gotta make a baby with that girl - she swooned at family skate. Also we all saw you makin heart eyes at the Brady bunch. 😆😆😆😆
Blizzard: they’re adorable and this conversation ends here. We’re outside now Kris. Also don’t encourage Nat. I’ve got a plan. 😬
——-
Nado: Kuny. Kuny. Is it baby safe? They’re here in 15 minutes.
Kuny: why you text me? I’m next door.
Kuny: also yes is fine. Maybe get bra down. It been in fan for 3 days
Nado: you’re the tall one. Get it down.
Kuny: I not put it there.
Nado: fine you lazy jerk. I’ll get it down.
Kuny: 😘
Nado: fuck off. But I love you too bro.
—-
Until next time, my lovelies 🥰
Always open for ideas, prompts, constructive criticism!
Also - does hug a goalie day exist? I think it should.
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let-it-raines · 4 years
Text
your wonder under summer skies (7/?)
Tumblr media
Summer in Storybrooke, Maine means one thing for its residents: tourist season. This year, for Emma Swan and Killian Jones, it means relationships ending and friendships changing all the while they attempt to figure out just what their relationship is. It’s somewhere straddling the line between friends and lovers, and there’s no guarantee of a soft landing if they fall into new territory.
rating: mature
a/n: I have been taking a little social media break and will continue to do so, but when I’ve got 90% of this story written (I really have to get to finishing it, haha), it felt wrong to keep it from you guys. So I’m slipping in and posting a new chapter! All my love ❤️
ao3: beginning | current
tumblr: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
-/-
“Do you want some of my chips?”
“Hmm?”
“My fries,” Killian corrects. “Do you want some of them?”
“Is that rhetorical question?”
Killian sighs and rolls his eyes before pushing his basket of fries toward her. “Half the time that I offer you my fries, you say no because you’d rather have onion rings. Though, a part of me is surprised you haven’t simply taken over and started eating them without asking.”
Emma reaches over and picks up a fry, dipping it in the ketchup before popping it in her mouth. “Look, just because onion rings are obviously the superior side for junk food doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate a well done French fry. And this? This is a well done fry. “Skipper barks at Emma’s feet. “See, Skipper agrees with me.”
“Skipper agrees because he wants you to feed him.”
“He can have my leftovers.”
“Bloody hell no he cannot.” Killian snatches the basket away from her. “I’m sharing my food. You hear that, Swan? It’s mine. You can’t be giving it away to the dog.”
“You should have gotten me some lunch, too.”
“I didn’t know you were coming over.”
“Did I not text you?”
“No, love, I don’t believe I got your booty call.”
Emma picks up another fry and points it in Killian’s face. “This is not a booty call. You’re working, and I’ve got work in thirty minutes. We’re taking the kids to do a relay race on the beach this afternoon, and I don’t think my body can take jumping out the window again.”
Killian chuckles and slides the basket of fries back to him. “I’m going to build you a ladder out of my bedroom.”
“I think that would be a little obvious.”
Killian shrugs. “So, a relay race with dozens of kids. Good to know that I need to avoid the beach.”
“You just wait until we do the weekend festival for Labor Day. Then you’ll really want to avoid the beach.”
“I already have it noted in my calendar.” Killian’s eyes glance up and down her face before landing down at the top of her shirt. The man can be as subtle as a whisper, but sometimes he doesn’t even try. “You know, I can do a lot in thirty minutes.”
Emma scoffs and keeps eating her fries. Okay, Killian’s fries, but he’s sharing so now they’re definitely hers. “I know you can, but I actually look presentable today, and I tend to look not presentable after, you know…”
“After I ravish you?”
Her stomach swirls, and the way Killian’s licking his lips certainly doesn’t help. They could go to the back office or go up to his bedroom right now. It wouldn’t be a big deal. She could let him do all the effort. And as much as she wants to, she really didn’t come here to have sex. 
Then again, she doesn’t know why she came here. There was no way she could know that he was going to have food.
Wait no. She came here because it’s been a week since she’s seen him, and she needed someone to complain to about this family that’s in town that takes up all of the booths at Granny’s at least twice a day. She doesn’t treasure much in her life, but she treasures her booth at Granny’s. 
But she’s gotten her complaining out, filled him in on everything she hasn’t texted him this week, and really, what else do they have to do?
“Where’s Liam?”
“He’s meeting with the harbormaster.”
Perfect. 
“Do not touch my hair,” she tells him. “You do all of the work.”
“Don’t I always do all of the work?”
She tosses a fry at him. He misses it, and Skipper gets up from his spot to get the food. “Considering the fact that I know you like me on top, I’d think not.”
“I also like you on your knees when – ”
The bell to the shop rings behind her, and Emma sees Killian’s face before she turns around. The smirk disappears, his lips falling into a flat line, and all of the mirth in his eyes vanishes along with the crinkles around his eyes. 
What the hell?
Is Liam back? She really hopes Liam isn’t back because she does not want to deal with his icy stares and snide comments today.
And then she turns around on the stool she’s sitting on, fry still in her mouth, and sees Isabella Greene. 
Oh wait, she went by Tink, didn’t she? Yeah, she definitely went by Tink, which is such an awful nickname, but that’s probably not what she should be focusing on. 
Emma’s stomach does that weird flipping thing again and she quickly chews the fry before pushing her hair off her shoulders and straightening her shoulders. What the hell is Tink doing here?
“Tink,” Killian whispers before clearing his throat. “Uh, hello, love. I didn’t – I didn’t know – ”
“You didn’t know I was coming back?”
“I thought you were in New York.”
“I am. I’m not here for the summer or anything. My dad didn’t rent out the house this week, so I’m here with a few friends for the week. You’re not renting out the boat are you?”
Killian can’t stop blinking, and Emma swears that if he didn’t have any semblance of self-control, his mouth would be wide open. 
“Let me check. I don’t think it is.” He turns to the computer, hits a few buttons, and Emma takes her eyes away from him to see Skipper walking toward Tink. Tink immediately bends down and scratches his head, murmuring toward him. “You should be good to take it out. It is rented for next weekend, so you’d have to return it by Thursday morning for maintenance.”
“We can do that. Do I need to fill out any paperwork?”
“It’s your dad’s boat, lass.”
“So that’s a no?” she laughs, and Emma swears the woman bats her eyelashes at Killian. 
Is batting eyelashes a real thing that works on men? She doesn’t think she’s ever attracted anyone by batting her eyelashes.
“That’s a no. You’ve still got the spare key, aye?”
“I do.”
“Then you’re all set.” 
Killian flashes his most charming smile, and Emma doesn’t know if she’s ever felt so invisible. Skipper isn’t even acknowledging her anymore, and Emma is about to demolish all of Killian’s fries in the span of two minutes. Maybe that’s why no one is acknowledging her. She’s some kind of fry hog.
“Thank you, Killian.” Tink leans over the counter in a move Emma’s seen a million times. Hell, she’s done it herself. That works a hell of a lot better than eyelashes. “If you want to grab dinner sometime, you have my number.”
Killian’s eyes finally glance at Emma, but it’s brief. If she hadn’t been paying attention to him, she wouldn’t have noticed. 
“Last time I checked, you had a boyfriend.”
“Last time I checked, that didn’t seem to bother you.”
Holy shit, the balls on this woman. 
Killian’s jaw clenches, and he’s definitely grinding his teeth now. This is not how she thought this conversation was going to go. She thought she was about to end up as a major third wheel when three minutes ago she was going to be the one with her shorts pulled down and Killian thrusting into her. 
But it would be fine if he wanted to sleep with his ex instead. Emma has purposely never learned about his flings, knowing they’re never going to last, but she knew Tink enough to recognize her and to know that if one of them was going to, it was going to be her. She had no idea why it ended, though, and now that she kind of does, she definitely feels like she shouldn’t be here.
Would it be more awkward to get up and leave right now or to stay?
Did Killian know Tink had a boyfriend when he was sleeping with her? Because if he did…oh fuck, if he did she might just have to punch him. She used to think things like that weren’t any of her business, but then Neal and Tamara happened and…no, she’s not going to go there. She hasn’t let her mind fully go there in the month that she’s been broken up with Neal, and she’s certainly not going to do it now. 
“Last time I checked,” Killian grits out, “I was unaware of your attachment.”
Oh. 
“He and I were on a break then.”
“Are you now?”
Tink clicks her tongue. “We’re having some issues.”
Oh God, this really is the most awkward Emma has felt in years, and an entire town knows her boyfriend cheated on her and stares at her every time she walks down Main Street. It may have been a month, but the news just broke last week. It has been like reliving it all over again. 
At least she hasn’t seen Neal. She’s avoided him at all costs. 
Maybe not having her regular seat at Granny’s is a good thing.
“Return the boat by nine on Thursday, Ms. Greene. Have a good week with your friends.”
Tink scoffs, her lips parting, and she leans back and crosses her arms over her chest.
Oh shit, Jones. That was bold. 
And then Tink is turning around and walking out the door, the bell ringing behind her. 
Emma doesn’t know what to say. Does she say anything at all? What can she say? She just witnessed something she definitely wasn’t supposed to see, and she is not good enough with emotions to be able to deal with this. 
Where’s Mary Margaret and her emotional intelligence when Emma needs her?
Even if Emma wants to strangle Mary Margaret half the time when she’s giving some unrealistic perspective on love and relationships. 
She could use some of that right now. 
“How much time do we have until you have to be at work?” Killian asks as he stands from behind the desk. 
“Um, twenty minutes now.”
He tilts his head back toward the office before walking past her and flipping the sign on the door over. “That’s enough time, don’t you think?”
There’s fury in his eyes, and he’s never looked taller to her than he does right now as he looks down at her with his jaw so tight she can see it clenching. He’s angry, she realizes. He’s angry that Tink came in here and tried to start something back up. She has never taken him for the type to get angry about something like that. He’s Killian. He’s got a hell of a temper, gets pissed off when he sees some kind of injustice happening, but he’s always been easygoing when it comes to relationships. 
Maybe she really doesn’t know him as well as she thought. 
Or, at least, maybe she doesn’t know this facet of his life. 
“That’s enough time.”
Killian grabs her hand and pulls her up from her chair. She nearly stumbles, but his grip is strong enough to keep her steady. They walk quickly out of the front office and to the back, where Killian quickly closes the door and turns the lock before he’s on her, caging her in and hovering his lips right over hers while his hands push against the wooden frame. His breathing is so heavy, his chest heaving, and she’s so distracting by it that she barely notices the way her own chest is moving up and down with anticipation. 
“You’re gorgeous, you know,” Killian whispers into her ear. His breath is hot as it tickles down her skin. “I’ve thought that since the day we met, but I’ve never been able to tell you the way that I wanted to.”
“You definitely could have.”
“Aye, but you wouldn’t have taken it well.”
“Who says I’m taking it well now?”
Killian laughs into her neck while he rolls his hips into hers. Emma gasps as heat curls between her thighs, licking across her skin. Her heart is pounding, and her head is still reeling. She wasn’t expecting this, then she was, and it’s been back and forth so quickly that maybe she should stop thinking all together. 
Hell, she definitely should. 
Not thinking means she doesn’t have to focus on the big demons in her head or the smaller ones that are telling her that sleeping with Killian might not be her best idea. 
Not thinking means that she can let Killian run his lips across her neck before his teeth tug down on her earlobe. The moment he figured out that she liked that, she was a goner. 
The moment they first did this, she was a goner for the way that it feels and the way that she can only focus on the feel of his lips and his hands and of every inch of him covering her. Killian keeps rolling his hips into her, and the friction of the zipper on his jeans his hitting just the right spot. 
“Shit,” Emma mumbles as her head tilts back to hit against the door. “Take off your pants.”
“A little busy at the moment, love.”
Suddenly, she notices that his hands are at her waist and fumbling with the zipper on her shorts. She hears it slide down, feels Killian push her shorts and her underwear down, and then his hands are on her exactly where she wants him. 
Well, almost. They’re on a bit of a time crunch, so they don’t exactly have time to take it slow. 
Her hands reach between them as Killian’s lips fiercely press into hers. He’s determined with each slide of his lips and swipe of his tongue. There’s no laziness or slow exploration, and as much as she likes that, this feels too damn good to stop. 
His hand stops hers, and she pulls back from the kiss. “What are you doing?”
“Let me take care of you.”
“What about – ”
“We’ll make up for it at some other time, yeah?”
Emma pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and swallows the lump in her throat. She’s so damn frustrated right now that she can’t imagine saying no. 
Not that Killian lets her. His determination continues as he bends down until he’s on his knees and his hand and his lips are working her higher and higher until air is escaping her so that it’s difficult to breathe. Fuck, he’s good at this, and she doesn’t want it to stop. 
Pretty much ever.
“Just like that,” Emma groans as her head tilts back to the door. Her knees are getting a little weak, her legs shaking, and she reaches forward to curl her fingers into his hair. “Oh, fuck.”
Her releases crashes over her in small waves, and her legs shake a little more until Killian’s free arm wraps around her and holds her up, pressing her further back into the door. There’s sweat prickling at her temples, and her heart is definitely going to do something unnatural that’s going to put her in the hospital.
She would rather die than tell Whale that she’s in the hospital because of an orgasm. 
Damn. Just damn. 
“Swan, if you don’t release my hair soon, I’m going to have a bald spot.”
Emma blinks and releases her hand from Killian’s hair, smoothing it down as he helps tug her shorts up. Slowly, he stands from the ground until they’re almost eye-to-eye, and the idiot has the biggest smirk on his face. 
At least he’s no longer furious. 
“Hey,” Emma hesitates, “so about earlier with Tink – ”
“That’s a story for another time,” he quickly interrupts as he scratches behind his ear. “Why don’t you go to the restroom and straighten yourself up? Wouldn’t want any of the kids asking why you look a wee bit off.”
“Oh, yeah, okay. I’ll go do that.”
Killian’s not in the main part of the office when she finishes up in the bathroom. Skipper is still sitting behind the desk, but she barely looks up when Emma walks by.
Huh. 
She’d go upstairs and look for him, but she really had to go and get to work. Mary Margaret will kill her if she’s late, and she’d really rather not be murdered, especially since David will definitely cover things for Mary Margaret.
It’s not a long walk to the club, so Emma’s still the slightest bit shaky when she gets there. Mary Margaret, Ashley, and Aurora are all there and wrangling kids, each of them in matching t-shirts to coordinate teams. Emma’s the green team, and her kids look like they’ve gone crazy with the way they’re running around. 
No wonder their parents pay an exuberant amount of money to leave their kids with someone else while they lounge on the beach or work from home while indulging in as many margaritas as possible. 
Emma always wonders if these kids care that they don’t spend time with their parents or if they’re too young to truly realize it at the moment. 
“Why do we do this?” Emma asks as she walks up to the deck. 
“Because we like paychecks.”
“And the children,” Mary Margaret adds in with a bright smile on her face.
“You should have been a teacher, Marg.”
“If I had gone to school, maybe I would have. This pays better, though, and like Ashley, I’m about the paycheck.” Her eyes narrow at Emma. “Did you walk here from your apartment? Your cheeks are flushed.”
“It’s a hot day and I haven’t gotten my tan yet. That’ll happen. You guys ready to go?”
The kids end up loving the relay race. 
It’s exhausting, overwhelming, and Emma ends up was an ass full of sand. But it’s so damn fun that Emma doesn’t really care about the craziness of the kids or the way that they didn’t filled up on sugar beforehand. 
Okay, she cares a little bit. 
But by the time they’re finished, the kids are all exhausted, and Emma and Mary Margaret send them back to the kid’s clubhouse with Ashley and Aurora while the two of them go back to their offices and catch up on emails and phone calls before opening up wedding files for all of their couples this summer. They’ve got a weddings and rehearsal dinners almost every weekend until the middle of September, and right there on the middle weekend is Liam and Elsa’s wedding. They’d wanted to do Labor Day, but that was impossible with the party the club does and all of the town’s labor day weekend festivities. Everything was booked, and there was no way Emma or Mary Margaret could have been there as guests even if they squeezed them into a ballroom. 
Elsa said there was no way she wasn’t having the two of them there. Liam would probably not want Emma there, and she swears there was disappointment on his face when they found another weekend.
Ass. 
Emma has to take a deep breath and close her eyes as she looks at her calendar. It’s too much looking this far ahead. It’s too much, and she desperately needs to zoom back in and be a little more narrow-sighted. 
She can do this. 
She’s handled a hell of a lot of stuff that’s been more difficult than this job. 
And this is a job. It’s good pay and stable. She loves her coworkers, and she doesn’t actually mind dealing with wealthy people all day or her awful boss or couples who are way too into each other planning their weddings. 
She hasn’t been bitter about people getting married and her having to plan it for the entire time she’s worked here, and she’s certainly not going to be bitter about it now because she broke up with Neal. In the back of her mind, she used to hope and wish and maybe…but no. She’s never needed that kind of commitment. If you love someone and want to be with them, you make the commitment and you stay. It doesn’t matter if there’s a piece of paper legalizing that commitment. 
Not that Neal was committed. 
Obviously not. 
“Hey, this says you have tomorrow off,” Mary Margaret says as she looks at Emma from over the top of her computer.”
Emma blinks and shakes her head before pushing her hair back in its ponytail. “I worked Monday this week, so I took tomorrow off to make up for it. I’ll be back to our normal schedule next week.”
“Oh, good, because David was thinking of us hosting a barbecue next Saturday.”
“Next Saturday is Killian’s birthday.”
“Oh shit. Is it?”
“Mhm.” Emma rolls her chair across the office to the mini fridge to grab her bottle of water. “So, unless you want to have the barbecue be his party, I think it’s going to have to be another day.”
“I’ll text Liam and ask if they have any other plans.”
“Why not ask Killian? It’s his birthday?”
“Oh, good point. I guess it’s not a surprise. It’ll have to be late since we all work on Saturdays.”
“Supply us all with coffee and alcohol, and I think we’ll all be able to stay awake.”
“Perfect.”
-/-
When Emma finally gets to leave at nine that night, she’s starving. She didn’t get the chance to sneak into the kitchen and steal some food for dinner, and she’d do awful things for a grilled cheese from Granny’s. Emma makes them at home all the time, but it’s never quite the same. After getting her car out of the parking lot for the public beach, she back downtown to, passing by the packed Rabbit Hole and pulling into Granny’s parking lot only to realize whose car she’s parked next to. 
What the hell?
No. Just no. 
She is not going in there are dealing with him tonight. Ruby said he’d been hanging around a lot to spend time with Tamara, but Emma thought that was Ruby overexaggerating. Emma hasn’t run into him once, but here he is. 
Fuck. 
Emma leans down to rest her head against her steering wheel before slowly peaking back up. Neal is right in front of her. He’s sitting in a booth with his dad, Tamara next to him, and Emma nearly vomits at the smiles on all of their faces. 
That’s not supposed to be happening.
Tamara is just supposed to be the girl he’s fucking. She’s not supposed to be someone who he’s smiling with and who his dad has dinner with. 
Emma barely ever did that. 
She didn’t want to. She didn’t trust his dad. She still doesn’t. He’s not a good guy, he creeps Emma out, and she didn’t want to get anywhere near him if his pawn shop does end up being as shady as everyone thinks. 
She worked too damn hard to have good things in her life to get pulled down by association. 
What the hell is Neal doing? 
Was it…did he have feelings for Tamara while he was still with her? Was it more than just someone to sleep with? Because Emma could deal with it when it was just physical. She could push past that. Hell, she did while she still stayed with him. If it was more, though, she’s not sure that she’s up for that.
From the way that her heart is pounding, she knows that she isn’t, that it was more between the two of them.
Fuck. 
Emma slaps her hand down, and the horn on her bug goes off. 
No.
No, no, no, no, no. 
She quickly ducks down and hides herself. They’ve got to be looking out at the parking lot, and maybe if they don’t see her in the car, they won’t think it was her. Her car isn’t exactly inconspicuous, but someone else could drive the same way. The place is full of tourists and outsiders right now. The odds of someone else driving a bright yellow bug have to be pretty good. 
Or maybe he’ll think that she’s at the Rabbit Hole but that parking was full so she put her car over here. 
Or maybe he’ll know that it’s her and that she’s currently hiding in her own car as if she was the one who ruined her relationship. 
What the hell is she doing hiding from him? He should be the one hiding from her, not sitting in her favorite restaurant eating with his dad. 
Of course, Tamara does work there, and it’s not like Emma can get the woman fired. 
Or could she?
No, that’s wrong. Tamara knew Neal was with Emma, but it’s all on Neal. She’s not going to be the girl who blames the other woman and not the scumbag man. 
She’s also not going to be the girl who goes inside the restaurant when she’s had a long day and doesn’t want to fake pleasantries or be the talk of the town’s gossip mill tomorrow. As quietly as she can, Emma turns the key in the ignition and pulls out of the parking lot without looking back at Granny’s. That way she’ll never know if Neal saw her or not, and that’s the only thing that will keep her sane. 
She ends up driving in circles around Storybrooke and goes through a drive-thru to get herself a cheeseburger. It’s not the same as going to Granny’s, but it’s good for now. Really, she should go home, clean up a little bit, and go to bed, but she can’t seem to bring herself to. Instead she uses up half a tank of gas aimlessly driving while trying to control her breathing. It’s pretty much a lost cause when each breath is shallower than the next and soon she finds herself in a service station parking lot with her phone in hand typing out a text she definitely shouldn’t be typing out. 
He answers back within a few minutes, and his car is pulling up next to hers a quarter of an hour later. He’s silent as he slides into the passenger seat, but she appreciates that. She’s not really sure what she wants to say. 
Instead she stares at the tattoo inked across his forearm. 
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. 
She’s always liked that tattoo of his. It’s mixed within all the angry red scars that map out his skin, and there’s something beautiful about the words coexisting with proof of an accident. Maybe one day she’ll hear the story, but for now, all she knows is those words. 
Emma’s not sure if she’s getting to fail better or if it’s just the same thing over and over again. 
Killian’s slushie is half empty by the time she finally speaks. 
“I’m sorry about Tink showing up at your office earlier.”
“It was nothing.”
“Superpower,” Emma murmurs. “And I don’t even need it to tell that’s a lie.”
“I apologize for how I acted afterward. I shouldn’t have…hell, Emma, I shouldn’t use you like that.”
She twists in her seat and turns toward him, resting her cheek against the headrest. “We’re using each other physically. We both know that.”
Killian nods and mimics her movement. “Aye, I know, but on occasion, when I have the chance to think, I realize that sometimes I can be too gruff and too impulsive. Our friendship is first, and I sometimes forget that when I need to release some of the tension.”
“I don’t mind. I promise. I’m the same way. It’s why this is working.”
“What happened tonight that you called me here? It’s nearly midnight.”
“We’ve been here at three in the morning before. Midnight is nothing.”
A smile tugs at the corner of his lips, but it just as quickly faltered. “Swan.”
It’s so simple, the way he says he last name so frequently, but he could get her to tell him just about anything just like that. 
“What did I do wrong to make Neal cheat on me? I know we had drifted apart at the end, that we weren’t sleeping together as much, but I still didn’t…the thought never crossed my mind to cheat on him. And when I found out about it the first time, I let it go. I figured it was physical. But he’s in a relationship with her, and for some reason that makes it all worse.”
So, she went there. Finally. And she doesn’t know whether or not it feels better to get it all off her chest. 
“The first problem, love, is thinking there’s any fault of your own.” Killian reaches forward and tucks her hair behind her ear before swiping his thumb across her cheek. “As much as Neal had his moments, I thought he was an asshole. You have always deserved better than someone who puts your down and who betrays your trust like he did. It hurts like hell to be betrayed like that, but you’re going to be better for it.”
“When?”
“I don’t know.”
Emma blinks and closes her eyes as she makes another attempt to calm her breathing. “Is that how you felt with Tink?”
His tongue clicks. “I had feelings for her, but it wasn’t like it was for you and Neal. Most of the betrayal there was because of something in my past.”
“Oh?”
“Aye, but that’s a story for another time.” His hand runs along her neck until she can feel him gently tugging on some of the strands on her ponytail. “I’m actually a bit glad to see that you’re upset over Neal.”
She opens her eyes then. “You’re glad to see I got my heart broken?”
“If it can be broken, that means it still works.”
Emma swallows the lump in her throat and tries to keep her eyes focused on Killian’s, but his stare is so intense that she squirms and looks down back at his arm and at all of the ink that scatters his skin. It’s safer there. He can’t read her as easily. He’s always been able to do that and has called her out on her shit when he needs to, and she usually appreciates it. 
She doesn’t know what she thinks right now. 
“Sometimes I don’t want it to work,” she quietly admits as cars keep driving by the two of them, headlights brightening before fading away. 
“But it does, love, and I swear to you, one day you’ll want it to again.”
-/-
-/-
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deantransgressions2 · 3 years
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8x23 sacrifice
#1: “which pretty much means that you’re our bitch” (said to crowley)
time tag: 10:41
#2: sam: “i have no clue what to say now” (about confession) 
dean: “well, i mean, i could give you suggestions if you want.” 
sam: “o-okay. yeah. sure.”
dean: “all right. well, i’m just spitballing here, but if i were you, uh...ruby, killing lilith, letting lucifer out, losing your soul, not looking for me when i went to purgatory, for starters.”
sam: “thanks.” 
why did dean offer to give sam suggestions? what possessed him to think sam would ever wanted him to?
time tag: 13:54
#3: dean: “or, hey, h-how about what you did to penny markle in the 6th grade? why don’t you lead with that?”
sam: “well, that was you” 
ok. remember how i said in the s5 episodes how dean always shifts blame onto other people, so he doesn’t have to deal with his own guilt? yeah, here’s an extreme case of that. also, wtf did he do to penny?
time tag: 15:00
#4: “now, if anyone needs a chaperone while doing the heavy lifting, it’s sam.” 
what did he say in the last episode? what. did. he. say. ill tell you :) 
“over the past couple of months, i’ve seen him do crap that i didn’t even think was possible...there’s not a doubt in my mind that he’s gonna cross that finish line. not one.”
so what is the truth? who fucking knows.
time tag: 18:03
#5: tells sam that if he is not back in 8 hours, to finish the trials. very odd behavior. why does sam have to wait around for dean? if sam wants to cure a demon before lunch, then hurray! bc it’s his own decision, not deans.
time tag: 18:15
#6: tells kevin, who is clearly exhausted and mentally drained, to “translate. that’s what you do”. as if kevin is their slave and not an 19 year old kid. 
time tag: 19:51
#7: “you did a lot of damage up there, man.” (said to cas, for no reason)
time tag: 23:01
#8: dean having an existential crisis at the realization that gay people are real. 
time tag:  24:18
#9: tried, and succeeded to get sam to stop the trials. dean has been saying all season how sam isn’t strong enough to complete the trials. how he can’t be trusted. but in the end, it’s dean who can’t complete the trials, huh?
time tag: 35:40
-----------okay i’m gonna pick apart the speech bit by bit and make each section a different transgression because there is a lot wrong with it, all for various reasons. ------------
#10: sam: “so?” and dean is shocked as if he isn’t the #1 person responsible for making sam feel this way...
time tag: 35:57
#11: “think about what we know, huh? pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a hellhound” he never does any of these three things ever again after this. 
time tag: 37:28
#12: sam: “you can barely do it with me. i mean, you think i screw up everything i try. you think i need a chaperone, remember?”
dean: “come on, man. that’s not what i meant.”
sam: “no, it’s exactly what you meant. you wanna know what i confessed in there? what my greatest sin was? it was how many times i let you down. i can’t do that again.”
dean: “sam-”
sam: “what happens when you’ve decided i can’t be trusted again? i mean, who are you going to turn to next time instead of me? another angel, another..another vampire? do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your own brother just...” 
all the reasons why sam wants to kill himself, dean put in his head. look back at 8x01 and see how happy sam was. how healthy he was. now watch this. 
time tag: 37:35
#13: “hold on! hold on! you seriously think that?” uh yeah. you literally told him this not 8 hours ago....
time tag: 38:23 (use this time tag for all below)
#14: “because none of it..none of it is true.” so why does he say it? all the time?
time tag: ^
#15: “look, i know we’ve had our disagreements, okay? hell, i know i’ve said some junk that set you back on your heels” odd way to say suicidal
time tag: ^
#16: “but, sammy....come on. i killed benny to save you. i’m willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. don’t you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that i would put in front of you. it has never been like that, ever! i need you to see that. i’m begging you!.” 
hey, do you guys remember when dean was gonna let sam die alone just because he had an addiction? haha yeah. good times....amnesia is my only explanation for this. 
time tag: ^
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just-anka · 3 years
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I realised I haven’t really regularly posted here since like... I don’t even know, September? It’s been a while, anyway. A lot happened, and I now feel like actually writing a post for the first time in a while, so here goes haha. The first bullet point is entirely work waffle so feel free to skip. Apologies in advance for the fact that this post will probably reach novel length by the time I’m done. 
• I took a week off in late September before Ben started his new job so we could go to the mountains for a bit, and it was a much-needed little break from work. And pretty much right after I got back, work got completely mental - nothing bad as such, just one thing after the other, loads of deadlines, so many important things. First I was finishing up data for a paper (first authorship was being debated which is partially why I threw myself into the job so much, but it looks like it’ll be the PhD student before me’s now, which is how it should be tbh, it’s much more hers than it is mine), then the date for my first committee meeting was set and I suddenly had only two weeks to prepare (did not think it was going to be that short notice, whoops, had a very stressful two weeks but all went well - for us, this meeting means presenting our research plan and preliminary data to a committee of four professors so they can give you input, it’s not suuuper formal but still pretty stressful), then I had to write the report for that (I love writing so that one was okay), then there was suddenly a lot to do for a really important cooperation with a company (big money responsibility which stressed me the fuck out), and then, just as I thought I was pretty much done for the year, I realised I needed my lab book up to date for my end of year meeting with my PI (which wouldn’t be such a big deal, except I didn’t have a lab book at the time. Never got around to starting one. So nine months of lab book were written within another very stressful week). Whew. Even writing this out makes me feel like that was a lot haha. 
• After the end of year discussion, I really was done for the year - I officially worked until the 23rd but there was not that much actual work happening, and with the pressure off after months, I properly crashed for a few days. Ben left for England on the weekend after to see his family for christmas etc, and I spent most of that weekend sleeping and doing very little. It was needed. Then my mum came to visit me for the holidays and we had four really lovely days together, also involving a lot of chilling (the only actual thing we did was that magical winter hike that I posted some pictures of the other day). 
• And now I’m skiing! I was planning to go to England as well for NYE to see Ben’s family, but with the corona situation escalating again lately I decided it was too risky for just a few days. So I made a last-minute plan to go skiing by myself instead, because all that involves is a 2 hour train journey. I’m actually staying in a hotel too, which I’ve never done by myself before, I’m usually a dorm in a hostel type of person, but well. Covid has changed a lot of things :D trying to stay safe and away from people, which is of course not entirely possible in a ski resort, but it’s going okay. The skiing itself is great, it’s really nice having some time to go at my own pace and a few days in a row. Today was day 4 and I’ve really found my groove again (more on that later). There’s not much snow though so not many off-pisteing opportunities :/ I’m staying until Monday and then it’s back to work on Wednesday. 
• Speaking of skiing, we’ve got season passes this year, my first season and Ben’s second. We’ve just been doing on the weekends so far - since the 21st of November I just realised while looking back in my calendar! That’s one hell of an early season start haha. We did just one day three weekends and then one full weekend right before Ben left. The first few days were bloody hard. For context, I learned to ski before I learned to walk and loved it as a child, then stopped for a few years because I felt like I wasn’t progressing anymore and was getting bored with it, basically. Then last January I went to France with Ben and his skiing friends and got introduced to freeriding and the idea of ski touring, and now I’m back to loving it haha. I’d ideally like to not have to resort ski anymore at one point (meaning touring) because I know it’s terrible from an environmental standpoint but... idk. It’s currently my only option, and I love it a lot, so I guess it feels okay? Anyway, since I learned to ski so early, it’s the one sport that I’ve always been pretty good at and like, never get scared, at least not on piste. Until this year. The first three individual days were just all kind of horrible, the conditions weren’t ideal with very hard surface and tons of ice and pretty busy slopes, and only steep terrain open as well (Engelberg, our “home” resort - we have a season pass that encompasses a bunch of resorts so we’re not limited to one - is literally dead flat beginner’s slopes, which weren’t open in the beginning, or red runs that should be black and black lol). Pairing loads of ice with my old skis which barely have an edge anymore was... not ideal. I was so scared constantly and it made me like I lost all my ability etc etc. But yeah, turns out I just needed a few days and some easier conditions to get back into it, and now ice and steep stuff and everything is fine again. Who would’ve thought. (a sensible person, probably). 
• But then, the full weekend we skied in December was awesome! Saturday already felt much better and then it snowed a bunch over night and Sunday we spent all day powder skiing, basically. I learned SO much and just had an absolute ball! Definitely one of the best days skiing I’ve had, and one of the best days recently in general. 
• Plus that whole weekend was just lovely, car camping in a campsite full of huge campervans was pretty fun :D I love the looks we get when people see the car and clearly wonder where we sleep. And we’ve got our setup perfected for winter now so both the nights were toasty. Friday night we had dinner in “bed” watching a movie, and Saturday night we sat in the little kitchen (the campsite has it open for everyone, but everyone else there has a camper, so it doesn’t seem to be used much) drinking tea and playing cards and ahh. Camping in the mountains. My ideal life eh? (though the weekend before this wonderful one, we got snowed in because it dumped over a metre over night completely unexpectedly and that was stressful as hell, but I think that’s a story for another day, if ever, I’m kind of trying to forget that day :’D) 
• Yesterday I also finally took the plunge and ordered new skis. Been debating for ages which ones to get but I’ve finally decided and I’m now very excited! 
• Ok this post so far reads as “work and skiing” which is pretty much what November and December were and probably what January is going to be too haha. Ben and I want to ski another week together end of January as well, and there’s some big exciting work things coming up as well. 
• Even though I have to admit, now that I’m on a break, I’ve spent a lot of time dreading work and questioning my career choices and all of that lark... sigh. I love my job most of the time, but I kind of hate having a job? If that makes sense? Sometimes (okay a lot of the time) I just wish I had more time for other things that I care about. But I also now I’m lucky to have that job, especially this year, and lucky to have a job I don’t hate, and get to do a lot of fun stuff on the side, even if it often means little sleep and downtime. 
• Speaking of things I care about, I was on a proper roll with writing for a few days before and after Christmas. It’s ebbed off again a bit, but it was still pretty cool, and my totally-useless-all-cheese-project is now 33,000+ words long and like, half-way there story wise. Had a lot of fun with that. 
• Lastly, Ben is still in England, and he’s coming back next Sunday, and I can’t wait! I miss him so much when we’re not together it’s actually silly. Although it’s less stressful this time than the last few times because... we live together, his work just offered him an unlimited contract from January, and I’m stuck here for another 2-3 years, so it looks like we’ll actually get to be in the same place for now. Which is all I wished for last year, and I’m so damn grateful - that stability really is the best thing 2020 has brought for me. And, as he said, even though we were apart for the start of the new year, it will hopefully bring more time together than any previous year ♡
• Okay I think this is long enough now, if you actually made it until here you’re a hero and I will try and post a bit more regularly again now to avoid this size of mind dump :’D I hope you all got into the new year alright, it feels very strange to me that it’s 2021 because I actually slept through midnight on new year’s for the first time since I was tiny haha but I’m sure a lot of people feel the same way! 
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