#and the problem with gutting them is that parts are so specific that i'd either need to change them or the fics they transplant into

[heartofspells]

YAY. It's so much fun! Okay okay okay, my love, could I please get 19, 28 and 44 pretty pretty please.

They always are, aren't they? And of course you can, sweetie!

19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just hit post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)?

Short answer: yes (mostly; sometimes i got lazy and would just post with a note warning it was unedited, but that was rare)

Long answer: Yes. I have always scoured my writing before posting, reading over it several times, searching out things I've missed. BUT NOW!!! I have a beta. She bullied me into it, don't let her lie and tell you differently (but she's fantastic and i'm thrilled by and with her)

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

When I first got back into writing and starting diving into multi-chaptered things, the pressure was a lot, even though I always told myself not to stress. I inevitably did every time. I set my own self up for failure. I know how my life is, how my mind works, but I'd set a specific day of the week for updates and then fall behind on the actual writing part, scrambling to finish on time like there was something tremendous riding on it, life or death. I've stopped that now. No posting dates. The chapters come when they come. And when it takes a while, I feel guilty, but I remind myself that this is meant to be fun and a way to keep my sanity, not lose it.

Also, I'm terrible with deadlines. Don't talk to me about those. I panic at the very word. 😅

As for negative comments, I've honestly been incredibly lucky with that so far (especially seeing what other people have or are dealing with). I've not had many, and the ones that could veer slightly negative are mostly just personal opinions and views on what I've included. But for the things I sometimes write, I'm a little astounded it hasn't happened more and with much more force. But I'm waiting for when it inevitably starts. If it does, I'll handle it like an adult. It might sting a bit, but I've got thick skin. I'll either respond as I see fit, or ignore it.

44. Rant about something writing related.

So I am tired. Like, indescribably tired. It's been a long day and I've just finished writing something...incredibly difficult that's left me a bit wrung dry. Which is probably the worst time to ask me to rant about anything because the fingers and brain are loose, leaving little restraint. But on that note:

Let's talk about the writing of difficult things for a minute. Because I have questions. Questions probably no one can answer and they're mostly rhetorical, but questions nonetheless.

You sit down to write something. You've got it all planned out, know exactly how it's going to go, written it all in your head beforehand. It's mostly light, or maybe just a little angsty. You're passionate about it. You want to write it. But when you get there, the struggle comes. That fight for words you know but won't emerge. They're there, like trying to speak, something on the tip of your tongue, but you can't quite grasp it, can't make it release itself and make itself known.

But you sit down to write something just as planned that's just...gut-wrenching, heart-tearing, something that shreds you to pieces from the inside out. You know it's going to happen, you're ready for it, you prepare, or you think you do, but you're never quite prepared enough. But still, those words, they just flow. You can't stop, fingers flying over the page or the keys like they have a mind of their own. You sink into it, the worst possible things, the most unimaginable, painful, ripping atrocities, and there it is, so easy.

Why is that?

Send me something from this writer ask!

#fanfic writer asks #ask #answer #mal tag

[tnlbarth-blog]

April 20 2024 - 1:25am

Warning: All people places and things resembling any real people places or things are merely coincidence and are not to be taken as such.

So the 19th was my Ex Best Friend's Birthday. The 19th legit ended an hour and 25 minutes ago. And this would also mark the second birthday in a row of their's that we did not spend together.

The friendship ended in 2022. They did not end it I did. And you must be wondering; why I would be posting about them if it was my decision to end the relationship. It's a fair question.

The thing is I didn't end it over one specific thing though I am sure they believe that to be true. I never told them every reason I had for ending it. They I think only know the very last reason. Or the reason that would be considered the "last straw".

My friendship with them was a long one. We met in kindergarten or first grade I'm unsure. But I didn't consider us friends until sixth grade. And we didn't become best friends until ninth grade in my mind. I am sure those stages had significant moments attached to them that I thought stepped up our friendship.

Unfortunately for me they didn't agree at least not out loud. Or I was oblivious, which I am quite dense. Either way looking back now I am positive it was a little of both.

It doesn't matter now however. Back in 2022 After a long hard year for building myself back up during a horribly abusive romantic relationship with my ex boyfriend, I realized how terribly I'd allowed myself to be treated by many people, my Ex Best Friend included.

I was on my way to learning to advocate for myself which until that point I didn't know how to do properly. Honestly I wasn't very emotionally intelligent at all until then and even now I can see that in that year I wasn't as emotionally intelligent as I am at present. My communication skills were very low even then. But I'd learned enough to feel confident to advocate and cut ties with those that had both intentionally and unintentionally hurt me. And if I couldn't cut ties do my best to stay away from those people.

Just like our mutual friend my ex best friend didn't see this sever come. But unlike our mutual friend my ex best friend got the chance to talk to me. I didn't send them a long note like our mutual. I told them about the biggest problem I had and they admitted to their crimes and more relieving something truly terrible. Something I could see coming. I was so hurt that any hope I had of keeping my friendship with them was smashed. So four months after letting go of our mutual I broke up with them as well followed by my break up with my ex boyfriend.

Every day I think about them. I have cried over this breakup specifically so many times. This person had hurt me so many times growing up and the worst part is I didn't know how truly deep the cuts were until that moment two years ago. Now I look back and even good memories are tarnished. I question every moment of our past together. And it hurts worse now.

I tried so hard yesterday to ignore that it was their birthday but I couldn't. Every time I saw the date it reminded me. And with every reminder I felt a stabbing in my gut.

Every year I did my best to at least wish them a happy birthday. I did my best to give them a handmade card and a gift of some kind. And even if I didn't have cash I would use my food assistance and gift them their favorite food. Then I would hang out with them or spend the night and we would have fun. Or I had fun. I don't know for sure how they felt now. Maybe to them I was nothing but an inconvenience. Who knows.

I have the hardest time. I want to wish them a happy birthday anyway. I want them to know I still think about them on their birthday and hope their birthday is fun. I wanted to hate them so much but I apparently can't. I miss them and the fun that I thought we had when we had it. When I was included.

Regards,

TNL Barth

[jakeperalta]

Hi! How do you decide how to rate a book? no matter how much I like a book..I always feel like I can find a small flaw in it. Even if I really loved the story or characters. Sometimes it's like..I know why it's there cuz it's mostly like a plot device I guess. Or I just think some things could be handled better..idk, but I'm also still thinking about the book and how I felt about it. Sometimes that's the point though..depending on the plot. So I must have liked it or I didn't like it as much? To use two examples I know you've read..cuz we talked about them, One True Loves and Every Summer After, which might come down to plot device..but otherwise I loved them! I could give spoilers to the book I just read..but then I wanted to maybe recommend it so I didn't wanna put a spoiler. but then I also always know why other people wouldn't like it as much or why they might have a problem with it. but also sometimes maybe I just care more about the emotion a book made me feel more than issues with plot but everybody's different. The book is called The Stepping Off Place if you're interested..there's a sneak peek on Epic reads cuz I read it..and then I wanted to read the book. I would recommend cuz I liked the characters and they felt real..but I can also acknowledge that the book was probably just okay. But basically it was kinda a trope/cliche which was like what at first but maybe it was the authors intention all along when I read parts again. Then there was another different part about the story where I knew it was the point..but it still felt unnecessary to me and didn't need it. Also I don't read books that fast..which sometimes makes me think I don't like it..but it also means I wanna save the book longer too because I like it Like with Emily Henry's books...somehow I haven't finished yet even though I like it..and I dont think I would find a flaw in them when I was done either. Sorry this is so long..but I think I like books that make you think which might be why I can find the flaws.

I feel like I mostly just rate books based on sort of gut instinct. Sometimes I'll finish a book and think "that was perfect" and that will be five stars, or other times I might have some small issues but if my overwhelming feeling is that I loved it, that's can be enough to overrule any nitpicking, so it can be five stars in terms of enjoyment as opposed to whether I thought it was flawless. Equally sometimes I'll enjoy something and not have any specific problems with it but just feel like it's lacking a certain something so that makes it four stars. Plus this past year I've started doing half star ratings (since they're doable on storygraph, whereas on goodreads I'd always have to choose whether to round up or down) so if I'm really torn and just maybe had a tiny thing wrong with it I might go for 4.5. Overall though I don't think ratings are necessarily the be all and end all, there are times a book that is technically better might get a lower rating just because it didn't resonate with me at that moment the way another less accomplished book did.

#answered #anonymous

[twelvemagpies]

man i was so fucking smug like three weeks ago, when i made the Reasonable Decision to go “i don’t like these very much, they’re just going to make me miserable the more time i sink into them at the expense of other fics i want to get done, i don’t have to finish every single thing i start writing” and deleted a couple wips

bc then for one (1) second i entertained the thought that i should gut them for parts bc the writing was decent, and now you’ll never guess what’re back in my active wips folder

#like i'm way less invested in them now which is good #and tbqh there's a good chance i'm probably going to delete one of them again just bc it's Real Close to a different wip i like much better #also i feel like it requires either way more or way less world-building than it has now and i don't want to add more but less might be wors #idk we'll see fdjklsafas and the other one started off as one fic and is sort of becoming another? but the whole point was the first premis #and the problem with gutting them is that parts are so specific that i'd either need to change them or the fics they transplant into #or both and at that point why did i ever bother #absolutely batshit i'm thinking about this at all when i have so much irl work to do i can't breathe lmao #tire fire talks

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

#sorry if this is repetitive or makes no sense or if i got some details of the show wrong #i simply couldnt be bothered to put too much effort into this post #lest it become a research paper and take me several weeks to answer #anyway thats all my opinions #dw #ok to rb

[myrulia]

"You two are dating?" - Michikatsu x Reader

SECRET DATING HEADCANONS

COLLAB

.｡.:*✧Synopsis: You and Michikatsu are secretly dating in college, mainly to not attract attention from both his brother and a certain horny friend of his. How will you react when you are caught?

.｡.:*✧Warnings: Small smut

.｡.:*✧[A/N]: This is my part of the Secret/Fake dating collab by @httptamaki, a Modern!AU with our favorite Kimetsu No Yaiba twins!

➢ How you two started dating? Well you met back in High School and that’s where things started to prosper

➢ Michikatsu was a generally well known man with your classmates, and even had a few girls crushing on him and his twin brother, Yoriichi, due to their scarily good looks

➢ Both twins were scarily attractive and that intimidated you at first, especially during high school

`` Have you seen the Tsugikuni brothers today?! They look so good! I tried asking Yoriichi out today but his attention was else where! `` You were off somewhere in the corner of a class, speaking with a close friend of yours about something completely unrelated until all eyes were on you, for Michikatsu Tsugikuni approached you.

➢ Obviously, you were surprised - no, appalled at how a Tsugikuni wanted your attention

➢ That was the day he confessed his own little crush on you whilst being on the roof of the school. How could you not accept? You also had taken a liking to the attractive raven haired male and saying no would be similar to jumping off the same roof where you admitted your feelings

➢ That's when worry set in

➢ All types of girls, boys, and theys liked them both, and constantly thirsted over the two while claiming "they're mine!" It was immature to say the least, but entertaining to see their feelings not get reciprocated from one of them

`` What if by saying we are together, they would start attacking me on purpose? Or saying hurtful things out of spite? `` You inquired with worry laced in your tone. Michikatsu took your hand in his, expressing his own idea. `` I know this might not seem like the best idea, but we do not have to openly tell people we are together, it can be our secret. ``

➢ And that's how your secret relationship started

➢ Of course, you had your worries, but seeing as how your relationship even made it to college due to it starting in your senior year of high school, they all simply washed away

➢ It was actually not as hard as you made it out to be to hide your relationship. During your first year of college, you knew not to act too close, but instead as acquaintances who simply knew each other back in high school

➢ Yet, even though some females who also went to high school with you recognized you as the girl who got asked out by Michikatsu, they did not cause any problems surprisingly enough

➢ Now, you're probably asking how you got caught? Oh boy...

➢ During your second year of college, Yoriichi and Michikatsu started living off campus in their own home that you were excited to learn of from your lover who happily shared the news to you when you both were alone in your dorm

➢ Around that same time, Professor Muzan Kibutsuji, the one teacher you loath the most for always favoring other students and failing to hide it, assigned a group project of 5 for your classroom, and to your luck, you were put in a group with not only the twins, but Douma and Shinobu

➢ You were friends with Shinobu, but not so much with Douma. The male would constantly tease you, trying to get your number at any given second while you were put together at a different table to brainstorm ideas for said project

`` Sooo..~ What are we doing for the project hm? Maybe we should exchange numbers so that we can converse more afterwards. `` Douma's suggestion did not go unnoticed by everyone, who automatically knew what he meant by the wink he directed in your attention. Shinobu, who thankfully also hated the male, slapped him silly upside his head.

➢ Michikatsu, who absolutely despised him, always struggled to hide a specific vein that would pulse on his neck that hinted clear signs of aggravation, but unfortunately, you two were just not ready to openly express your relationship

➢ After the class and the slap hurricane Shinobu laid upon Douma, Yoriichi invited the group to their house, and you being excited that you could finally come over, said yes a little too quickly

➢ Thankfully, it did go unnoticed by everyone, so your nerves were relaxed

`` I'd love to, but I have plans with a special lady that weekend, so unfortunately I cannot make it, maybe Shinobu ca- `` ``I cannot make it either, but [Y/N] can and she'll text me the ideas anyways, have fun, `` was all the biology major female said before turning on her heel and leaving swiftly.

➢ Now having plans set in motion, you waited patiently for the weekend to arrive, and when it did, you were beyond ecstatic

➢ That's where everything went down hill

➢ Thanks to the directions messaged to you by Michikatsu, you made it to their estate with no issues. You were nervous and excited at the same time. It was impossible to not feel such ways when this is the first official time you would be in the private space of your boyfriend

➢ He had also given you a key to entering was not a problem, but what you did not expect to see was your boyfriend standing there and waiting for you

`` Yoriichi isn't going to be home this evening, so I figured we could come up with our own project instead, `` Michikatsu said with a fire ablaze in his eyes as he grew closer to you. The gaze itself caused shivers to emit from your spine once your brain registered at what he was suggesting, and you could not lie, the idea had you wet already.

➢ Obviously you and the raven haired male had slept together a plethora amount of times before, most times leaving you sore and having to suck it up and pretend nothing happened during classes while he sat proudly knowing he was the reason

➢ In a matter of seconds you both are now in his bedroom, you beneath him and him leaving butterfly kisses up and down your neck until his lips latch onto yours again, all the while getting you undressed

➢ Let's skip a little ahead because you know what happens here ;)

➢ By time Michikatsu is already balls deep within your wet depths and thrusting into you like no tomorrow, Yoriichi entered around that time with confusion plastered on his face upon hearing banging against a wall as well as another noise he could not quite decipher

➢ The confused twin trailed up the stairs until he knocked onto Michikatsu's room door, expecting an answer but instead all he heard was an audible moan of his brother's name

➢ The poor look on his face once he learns what his brother and his girlfriend is doing

➢ At that point he is fed up of being overheard so he bursts into the room, although he did not think the entire plan through because now he got the open sight of you having your legs wrapped around Michikatsu's waist, his hands interlocked with yours, as well as the evident sight of both your naked and sweaty bodies

➢ Needless to say, he was traumatized

`` Get out and knock!, `` your lover would say as he throws a pillow at the swiftfully exiting male who looked beyond apologetic. `` I did knock! You were too loud! `` At that point you were beyond red, trying to process the entire situation that just unfolded. Your relationship had finally been known.

➢ Michikatsu immediately pulled out of you, cleaning the both of your bodies of any mess (mainly cum and sweat but shh)

➢ Once you both were clean and fully dressed, your boyfriend carried you bridal style out of his bedroom to a certain twin brother that was waiting impatiently in the living room for an explanation as to why he just saw his partner and twin sleeping together

➢ Now, as the three of you were sitting in the living room, you and your lover being even redder than tomatoes, waited for whatever Yoriichi had to say

`` Now, I do not mind if two consenting adults are having one night stands, but can you explain to me as to why you decided to have such loud sex? `` You completely flushed at his explicit words, but also thankful for the fact that he was utterly clueless about your relationship, although it was about time to come clean. `` Yoriichi, I am sorry you had to come home and see that, but there is something we need to tell you..- `` `` You two are dating? ``

➢ Now at that point, you fully died

➢ Seeing as how you have been silent the entire time and left Michikatsu to say everything, you decided to speak up

`` Yes we're together Yoriichi. We have been together for a long time, since high school actually. We've been in a relationship since then and I apologize for not saying anything. ``

➢ Now that the news was out to the one who deserved to know the most, he was much more understanding and even excited about his older brother finding the love of his life

➢ But the next day, things were real embarrassing

➢ You and Michikatsu were extremely silent at your group table during Professor Kibutsuji's class. Obviously Shinobu's observant self took note of this, along with how you did not send her any of the "ideas" you came up with

➢ Shinobu, Douma, and Yoriichi all stared at the two of you, who were now sitting beside each other and being reddened messes at the news you are about to drop on the observers who were starting to get impatient

➢ You've been secretly dating for years and now that the truth is about to come out, it felt gut wrenching to say the least

`` My brother and [Y/N] have something they'd like to say, `` Yoriichi started so that the topic could get a move on and everyone could get a good grade by getting it over with and working on the project. `` Well..- `` said Michikatsu. `` [Y/N] and I are together, and we have been since high school. We were in a secret relationship. ``

➢ Douma being the fucker he is definitely busted out laughing, holding his stomach as tears formed in his eyes

➢ Shinobu on the other hand stared wide eyed, refusing to believe that she could not realize you both were together for such a long time

➢ Although Yoriichi had a proud smile on his face in view of the fact that the news was already out

➢ But due to the prying ears of many around you, some began staring at your table, the secret was now out and you couldn't do anything about it

➢ Even though, you both were happy knowing you no longer had to hide the happiness you two brought each other, as well as now Michikatsu does not have to worry about Yoriichi anymore, for now he will fuck you if he feels like it, give you attention if he feels like it, and get attention himself if he feels like it.

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

#Secret Dating Collab #kokushibou #kny kokushibou #kokushibo x reader #kny imagines #kny x reader #demon slayer kokushibou #kokushibou smut #kokushibou headcanons #kny kokushibou fluff #kny kokushibou x reader #kny Kokushibou headcanons #demon slayer fluff #demon slayer headcanons #demon slayer #kny

[cultofstan]

My love for Bane!!

Before you read, I want to make it clear that there are some nsfw parts to this posts. If you are under 18, please don't read!

This post will go over various details and reasons why my heart belongs to the big green giant know as Bane from Batman and Robin (1997). Get ready for a long read, because I've got a lot to say.

(If you haven't check out my Bane Wallpapers, go do check them out! They bring me so much joy, I hope they do the same for you ppl too!)

His mask is very cool and unique, because if you look closer you see they used Bane's comic book mask as a base and then just changed the mouth area and added black eye pieces on top of the red piece he normally sees out of. Imo, it is the best movie Bane mask we have ever had! A lot of people hate the multiple tubes coming out of his head, but I think it makes things extra spicy! A constant reminder that your not just dealing with any normal super human, you dealing with a venom infused one that can fight you like it's nothing! The bulging veins that can be seen in certain lighting is a detail I feel deserves more love. It adds to his big and tough demeanor. You can really tell the venom is working wonders on him! The zipper on the top of the head and the fact that his mask is most likely made of tight leather or latex brings thr entire thing together and is truly a marvel to look at! I absolute love it!💚Imagining him slick that smooth, stretchy, husky mask on while the venom starts to pump into his brain and muscles just does things to me. If Bane offered me a chance to wear it, venom or not, I would do it in a heart beat! It would probably reek of sweat, his bad breath, and of old leather, but I wouldn't care. Just the thought of inhale all those smells brings me a joy I can't describe! 😍

When I was a kid, in addition to his lovely mask, his clothing choice was another thing I loved about him. It looks like Bane is just wearing a black cotton tank top with some black sturdy pants, but I've always the headcannon that it's actually very flexible black latex one piece! It makes a lot more sense when you notice his collar, chest harness, wrist bands, crotch diaper, and boots are also make out of a harder leather with spikes and studs! I swear, half of my clothing choices/dreams come from this man! His boots, for the most part, are very frankenstein/gothic inspired with thick sole and it going all the way to his knees. The copper rivets are the only things that make them stand out, imo. I've had thoughts were in order to prove my love to him I have to lick or kiss his boots while he judges. I'd hate it for the most part, because they probably taste like dirty and dust, but I want him to know that I do love him, so I'd do small smooches starting from his toes and work my way up his leg until I'm straight up licking his boots. I'd get so carried away he'd probably make me stop pretty quickly so I don't get sick 😂. His spiked collar and wrist bands are easily the clothing items I want the most! Any time I see someone on the street with spikes in their clothing I immediately think about him. Because he's worn them for so long, they're probably not that tight or rough but still firm enough to not sag. Maybe even a little flaky in certain parts. I don't think I'm comfortable with myself enough to wear a collar in public but I've come so close to buying spiky wrist bands or gauntlets it's crazy I don't actually own a pair yet. One day, I'm sure. His crotch diaper, for lack of a better name for it, is the one thing I'm 50/50 on. Some days I think it really adds to his look, especially with the spikes that go out. Plus, to a certain extent, it makes practical sense because that way heroes cant go from behind his and try to restrain him, or can't throw too many kicks, without getting poked/cut by the spikes. But other days I think it just doesnt look that great, because it ultimatly looks like a big metal diaper, it takes away from his intimidation. Plus, I won't be able to give him proper hugs! (I want to give daddy all the hugs he deserves! 💚) His chest piece is what brings everything together. The little Bane symbol is so cute, I've always looked for a pin or something to buy but no luck. I actually used to have this Bane cape that I won at Six Flags when I was little. I cut the symbol of his face out of it and tried multiple times to attach it to my jean jackets but I suck at sowing. 🥲 The leather straps that hold the chest piece compliment the other leather pieces of his outfit. The metal looking chest piece looks wonderful and adds a layer to his character that I both love and hate. In this movie he's a drone, a mindless agent that is only allowed to follow orders. I'll will discuss this in a bit. But for the record, I hate the fact that Bane is written as big dumb idiot in this movie. It's the one big problem I have with him, which sucks because I literally love everything else about him!

I've probably watch the Bane transformation scene in Batman and Robin, like, a thousand times. No joke. I didn't realize it then, but seeing a short, thin, twink become a tall, hulking, king really hit my desires in the right way. Like, now, I know for sure that's one of my kinks and it makes me so damn happy! Granted, I've never been skinny in my life, but I've always wanted to be a musclar and strong man, so it makes sense why I love this scene so much. It's a literally fantasy of mine brought to life! More specifically, I've always wanted to be a type of strong that allows me to run miles like it's nothing, throw punches that instantly knock someone out, and lift so much weight that I borderline have a superhero body. Don't get me wrong, this is seriously mentally unhealthy because I know it's kind of impossible considering my personality and the actuality of gaining so much muscle, but I believe as long as I realize it's a dream and not beat myself up over it, it's not too bad of a thought to have. Actually, if you think about it, this Bane is kind of a plus size body representation. Sure he's got giant arms that can crush my bones like tooth pics, but he's pretty bulky with a big belly. That might be too much of a stretch to say, and I totally understand if people don't agree with. That being said, I have to say it, this man probably gives the best hugs in all of Gotham! He's so big that you don't even need a jacket in the house! Just let him embrace you and you'll never feel alone or cold again! His thick hands holding you in really tight, his muscles locking you in and warming your arms, while his gut pushes you back a little of your feet, like he wants to swoop you into his arms and carry you! 🥰 He'd be careful with his spikes of course, don't worry. A detail that sends me over the moon about Bane in this movie is his green skin. I can't put my finger on it, but it really adds to the whole transformation and therefore my thirst for him grows even bigger! Especially because it's completely unique to the movie. It looks so good that I wonder why the comics haven't adopted something similar.

I could go for hours about how I think the writers butchered Bane's character in this movie, but I want this post to mainly act as a positive appreciation post/background for head cannons that I might post about him one day. So to end, and give a taste, I'll finally talk about Bane being a drone in this movie. In weird way, because he's played as a mindless servent, it makes this version of Bane one of the easier Bane's for me to fantasies about. This is because in the movie, it's implied Bane only follows Poison Ivy because she was the first person he didn't see as a threat. Plus, I wouldn't be surprised if she used some of her suductive powers on him. (I would too, just saying) So, with that established, I like that he's a mindless drone because it means that, in my head, he's not exactly my "servant" but he will basically do whatever I say. Why? Because I will prove to him I not a threat either, and only want to love him!! He'll have a concuious and his own goals, and I'll follow along and help because I trust him and want to support him, but, for the most part, he will do what I say and love me in return. I could explain this more, but I want to save the juicy parts for the follow up post I have planned for this. 😏

If you've read this far, thank you. From the bottom of my hear. I've never wrote something this personal or long. I hope I can continue to do more of these, if I'm passionate enough.

#bane #batman #Robin #batman and robin #leather #Mask #dc comics #comics #superhero #supervillain #Spikes #Studs #Green #Black #red #i love him #daddy

[aromantic-misguide-to-romance]

Egg Hunt Nightmare - short review

Devilgrams: Easter Egg Panic! (Diavolo), Race for the Golden Egg! (Mammon), Let's Decorate Eggs! (Beelzebub)

Easter Egg Panic!

The premise is ridiculous. Diavolo caused very stupid trouble again, mostly, and MC runs around with him, trying to help him fix it. Standard, just dumber than usual. The ending excuses it all though and I understand that sacrifices must have been made.

Most of the Devilgram is, as expected from the Nightmare, egg hunt and running after magical eggs. Since the title isn't as obvious as with other Devilgrams, I won't say much about plot.

First 3 episodes are generally not very memorable, but despite the generic topic of egg hunt, the plot is well executed. The scenes surprisingly vary a lot - some faster paced, some calmer, some sweeter, some more comedic, so you don't get bored with one motif stretched for too long. It's a decent mix of comedic action, a sweet word here and there, casually hinting the bond between Diavolo and MC.

That underlying bond naturally opens the door for more romantic exchanges and scenes and gives a reason for this ridiculous premise.

Part 4 is much longer and much more rewarding, so it makes up for the slightly bland previous parts, it's mostly both heartwarming and funny. It also offers a kiss option. Also in that cute sweet adorable situation, if you don't go for the kiss, the alternative suddenly kicks you in the gut with a completely casually dropped angst bomb, so enjoy your screamcat.jpg moments.

Choices: quite okay, nothing rude, nothing stupid, they're incorporated into the story in a believable way. But they're mostly just choice + reaction and most of them don't change anything. One chain of choices however is relevant, as a whole unlocks quite a long and meaningful scene. You have to get them all right to get to the end of it and to the kiss choice.

Music: with the variety of moods that the Devilgram covers, every one of them has a fitting piece playing. Well-chosen.

Very fun Devilgram, worth a try for the comedic moments - spiced up with usual Diavolo angst. It's not groundbreaking though - a decent story rather than a masterpiece.

Race for the Golden Egg!

The Devilgram has plenty of action plot as the title suggests so Mammon and MC are constantly running around but that's pretty much it. It is... not very interesting, and doesn't bring interesting interactions between characters either. It's focused entirely on Mammon's hunt for the golden egg, so it's exactly what it says on the tin. Nothing less, nothing more.

There are two romantic moments, but the first romantic option is disconnected and wasn't properly incorporated into the scene - it's sweet but the transition between it and the plot is very unnatural and throws off.

Of course, it's not one of those Devilgrams with lots of romantic potential, it's rather intended as one of those comedic ones... but it could have more bond between MC and Mammon and most of Mammon's hunt is rather bland than funny anyway. It's too focused on the hunt that it completely doesn't have ideas for. It tries to move the action around but it doesn't bring much variety into the adventure.

Choices: the main problem. You generally can choose between cheering Mammon on to amplify his recklessness or being a jerk, even in romantic scenes. Considering that people probably read Devilgrams to spend time with characters they actually like, I don't think the Devilgram gives any sensible options to react. There are various Devilgrams that make the turn down options actually fun, hilarious and friendly and this… definitely isn't one of them. Good choices aren't fun either since they might come off as making fun of Mammon rather than genuinely helping him - he does mess up specifically because MC was rushing him to dive into action but when MC doesn't rush him - he figures out right away how to get it done. So if you don't feel either like being a jerk or amplifying Mammon's tendencies for laughs but let's say would like to raise the number of braincells from zero to one… no choices for you.

Music: doesn't disturb, it's well-chosen and plays multiple pieces typical to funny moments and shenanigans.

I'd say that this Devilgram is very mediocre - nothing new or interesting about Mammon there, few heartwarming moments, annoying choices, the humour isn't outstanding either.

Let's Decorate Eggs!

The Devilgram is about cooking and decorating eggs, so exactly what it says on the tin, nothing more, nothing less. As such, it doesn't have any plot aside from cooking the eggs and decorating them, obviously, and is much calmer and slow paced than the other two. We don't really see any new unexpected sides of Beel and generally it doesn't offer much plot-wise, but it's a pleasant read.

It shows Beel trying out a new hobby and MC is accompanying him on various tasks related to it - so fortunately it has some variety and not just one scene stretched for 4 episodes.

The story itself is quite fluffy but not overly sweet as it's not focused on romance but spending time together, doing something fun. It has one (1) comedic moment - it's funny but it won't make you wheeze.

As a story with such a limited premise it's definitely well-done. It could be more balanced if it had more romantic moments, so if you look for romance and kisses all over the place, it's not this Devilgram.

Choices: some are boring - MC can either be enthusiastic or meh (bordering on rude, I'd even say) about Beel's ideas, most give just a reaction. There are choices that unlock more romantic scenes and further choices - it's quite easy to guess which choice does that.

Music: well-chosen, it's mostly just music typical for just calm everyday stuff going on, so exactly the right pieces for the story.

In general, the Devilgram doesn't offer anything particularly interesting, but it might be a nice addition to your Devilgram collection if you're interested in spending some time with Beel on a new hobby.

In conclusion, Diavolo's SSR is a fun, good read, Beel UR is just nice, Mammon's UR is skippable… maybe that's good, considering the trouble getting the card...

#devilgram reviews #obey me diavolo #obey me mammon #obey me beelzebub

[hannie-dul-set]

(thirteen times) i love you— 03

— wherein y/n (a hopeless romantic) seems to fall in love with nearly ever guy she meets. so, she writes letters for them to compensate. these letters weren't meant for them to read, but what happens when they all end up receiving them?

03 // dumb excuse

word count: 2.3k

a/n: hello hello, part three is here!! lmk what you think hehheheh 👀✨

part 4 will be on July 16th, 8:00 PM EST!

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masterlist

"Wait, so you're saying, Choi Seungcheol, aka Mr. Boy I Loved # 12, volunteered to help you retrieve your letters back?" Jiyeon asked in disbelief before taking a sip on her carton of milk.

"I know right! God, I don't know what went inside his head for him to decide to help me," you groaned, "What if he's just doing it to make fun of me?" With a whine, you buried your face in your arms.

"I doubt it," you heard Hyerim respond from behind you. Tray in hand, she makes her way towards Jiyeon and takes a seat beside her, "I think he's gonna expose you to his friends first, before making fun of you."

You threw your crumpled trash at her and shot her a glare, "I hate you," once again, you let yourself drown in your arms.

"I'm only joking," Hyerim laughs, "Besides, Seungcheol really is a nice guy. I'm sure he's genuine in trying to help you," you could hear Jiyeon hum in agreement.

You let out a huff, "I hope you're right— I have to meet up with him in a while," you took a glance at your watch— ten minutes until you and Seungcheol had to meet. He agreed to give you back your letter, and afterwards, the both of you were to formulate a plan on how to retrieve the rest.

"Uh oh, you better head out then," Jiyeon remarked, "I could see one of your ex obsessions breaching the perimeter," she nudged her head at one of the cafeteria tables. You slowly turned your head towards the direction, letting out a groan upon seeing your editor-in-chief, Jeon Wonwoo. If he won't confront me about the letter, then he's definitely gonna kill me for not heading to the clubroom yesterday— none of which I'd like to experience just yet.

You grabbed your bag in a rush and stood up, "I'll see you guys later," you bid your friends farewell before briskly walking towards the cafeteria's exit, hoping that the male didn't see you.

You let out a sigh of relief once you reached the hallway. You heard a buzz coming from you pocket and you assumed that was Seungcheol.

[seungcheol: hey im at the tables outside. where are you]

[you: im omw, had to deal with sth just now]

You finally arrived at your destination. You scanned the area for any sight of the male, and you managed to spot him sitting on one of the tables at the far end, tapping away on his phone.

[you: im here]

Immediately, he looked up from his phone. A large smile appeared on his face upon meeting your eyes. He waved his hand, beckoning you to come over, and you followed. You could feel a slight tinge of nervousness as you neared closer to the male.

"Hey," Seungcheol greeted you, a grin on his face and you offered him a tight lipped smile in response. His happy expression morphed into a frown, "What? You still don't trust me?" He pouted.

"It's— It's not that," you bit your lip, looking away from the male, "I'm just embarrassed— that's all," you heard him chuckle at your explanation, causing you to glare at him. He patted his hand on the chair beside him, urging you to take a seat. The glare on your face was still present as you sat down.

"No need to be embarrassed, Y/N, it's all in the past," Seungcheol opened his bag, his hand reaching in for something. In one swift motion, he pulls out your letter, "Here," he smiles at you, "I'm sure you've been wanting to get your hands on this."

Letting out a small shriek, you snatch the object from his grasp, "Oh my god, my baby—" you bring the letter to your chest, a relieved sigh escaping your lips. You stay in that position for a while, not paying any attention to the male that's been looking at you with a small smile on his face the entire time.

"Damn, I knew it was important to you , but I didn't know it meant that much," Seungcheol's voice interrupts your mini-episode. You sneered, "Of course, you wouldn't know," you stayed silent for a moment before facing the male, "But, thank you."

The gentle smile on Seungcheol's face never falters, "No problem," he adjusts his seating position before speaking up once again, "So, what are you planning on next?"

You rested your chin on your palm, your free hand twiddling with the letter, "I don't know, " You sighed, "But as much as possible, I'd like to avoid facing my disaster head-on, thank you very much."

A disapproving sound escaped Seungcheol's lips, "Tsk, that won't do," He scolded you, "You won't be able to accomplish anything if you do that,"

"What else can I do?" You groaned, "I don't exactly have the guts of steel, Mr. Choi Seungcheol."

"That's why I'm here, Y/N," he sent a wink at your direction. God, you really wanted to smack him, but he was right. You won't be able to go anywhere if you don't confront them— that is unless you consider sneaking around and taking the the letters without their knowledge, which you're totally up for, by the way.

Your meeting with Seungcheol sadly got cut short by the bell ringing. The both of you stood up and started to gather your things. You slipped the letter into one of your notebooks— you'll place it in a safe box later when you get home. One down, twelve more to go.

The both of you head inside the school building in silence. Seungcheol tapped your shoulder, causing you stop your legs. You face the male, raising your brow at him as you wait for what he has to say.

"I'll talk to you later, yeah? Tell me if anything happens," he smiled. You gave him a quick nod before the both of you finally parted ways.

Surprisingly, you managed to trek down the hallway without having to hide yourself in another locker or having to run another god forsaken marathon. You hadn't ran into any of the boys yet which is definitely good on your part since you weren't mentally prepared to face any of them yet (Seungcheol was an exemption).

You entered class, and lo and behold, Seungkwan was sitting on the desk right beside the door. You let out a yelp, loud enough for half of the class to hear, and you quickly slapped your palm onto your lips. Luckily, the professor wasn't around yet— with yesterday's events, he probably wouldn't let this one slide.

You timidly shuffled around the classroom and decided to sit down at the very back— not your preferred seat, but you wanted to avoid the male as much as possible. While taking out your things, you heard the screech of a chair from beside you, followed by the sound of someone sitting down. You turn your head to see who had decided to sit next to you, and the moment you saw the person— you paled, eyes widening and choking on literally nothing in the process.

"Don't think you could run away just like last time, Y/N— you have some explaining to do," Seungkwan warned you before giving his attention to your professor that had just made his arrival.

Okay, that was unexpected. You only anticipated three things to happen whenever any of the boys decide to confront you— they'll either reject you (obviously), make fun of your cheesy writing, or profess their love for you in return (highly unlikely). You clearly didn't expect a threat.

For the rest of the class, you could only think about Seungkwan's words. You yourself know that you obviously had to explain things, but how did he know? You mentally cursed at yourself. Focus on class, Y/N, think about this shit later. You weren't gonna lie, this entire situation was really giving off a negative impact on your studies— well, your whole life, in general— but all you could do was suck it up, the educational system doesn't give a fuck about the students' well being, anyways.

The bell rang, signalling the end of your class and the beginning of your ruin.

You raced towards the door, hoping to evade the male's confrontation, but for some reason, the path to the door seemed way longer than it was supposed to be (plus the fact there's literally a large mass of students trying to get out, as well). You had no choice but to accept your dreaded fate.

Seungkwan appeared beside you, holding a tight grip on your wrist in case you try to run away (a good idea on his part). You furrowed your brows. It confused you as to why he was so adamant about having you to explain the reason for the letter. Maybe it could be something else? If so, then it must be really really bad for Seungkwan to act like this. At that thought, your nerves started to surface even harder than before.

Upon reaching the hallway, Seungkwan wordlessly dragged you to a corner. The students that were around gave the both of you questioning looks as you passed them by. The male decided to stop, and without even giving you much time to think, he uttered out,

"What the fuck?"

Your features morphed into a mix of confusion and alarm. What? The male probably noticed your expression, and he let out a heavy sigh.

"Look, Y/N, I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but it's not fucking funny," Seungkwan glared at you, causing you to flinch. "Vernon approached me yesterday after school, saying he received a letter from you— a love letter, to be more specific," the male's glare doesn't leave his features.

"Sounds familiar, doesn't it?"

You bit your lip, trying to think of the proper words to say, "I—I can explain, Seungkwan—"

"You better," he snapped. "I honestly do not understand you, Y/N. We used to be friends— hell, Vernon even considered you to be his best friend, years ago. I know it may have already been six years, but do you think it's okay to try and lead two people on?"

You stayed silent. You wanted to wait for him to finish before reasoning yourself out.

"Not to mention that one of the two literally used to be the closest with you, Y/N." Seungkwan's tone started to become softer, "He may have left that day, Y/N, but Vernon doesn't deserve the shit that you're trying to pull."

Seungkwan looked at you, waiting for what you have to say. You breathed in, hoping that the male would understand you explanation.

"That was never my intention, Seungkwan, " he scoffed but didn't say anything, "Actually, those— those letters weren't supposed to be sent in the first place."

Seungkwan eyed you in disbelief, "I thought you were smart, Y/N, but that's got to be the dumbest excuse I've ever heard."

"I'm telling the truth, Seungkwan. You were never meant to read that— those letters were written for myself," You explained. It's clear that the male still doesn't believe you, but you persist, "I wrote Hansol's letter after he left for America, I wrote your letter when you rose me up while I was absolutely devastated that he left. Everything inside those letters were true— I really did love the both of you."

Seungkwan didn't say anything, but his eyes remained on you.

"And you were never meant to find out."

It was quiet— the only sound that emanated from the both of you was the sound of your heavy breathing. Seungkwan didn't look at you, his eyes were focused on the ground beneath him. You pressed your lips together, afraid if the male believed your words or not. A sigh escaped Seungkwan's lips, he raised his head and looked at you in the eye.

"Alright," he breathed, "I believe you."

It felt as if a heavy weight was lifted from your shoulders. You were about to collapse onto the floor out of relief (and you really couldn't face him anymore after all of that), but Seungkwan wasn't finished.

"But, that doesn't mean I'm still not mad at you," Your face dropped. What else does he want? Your mouth formed into a frown. The window seemed really tempting right now.

"I'll be honest with you, Y/N. I was actually really pleased upon receiving your letter, but Vernon wasn't," Seungkwan stated, distress evident in his voice and features, "To put it in simple terms— he feels like shit."

You furrowed your brows, "Wait, why?" Seungkwan let out a sigh, his hands started to fidget.

"I don't know what exactly you wrote in his letter, but he says he feels really bad for leaving you," he explained, "I mean, he felt bad even before, obviously, but he feels like absolute shit for breaking your heart without knowing."

Oh no. Your heart fell. You didn't want anyone— especially Vernon— to feel that way because of you. It wasn't his decision to leave in the first place. If anyone were to blame, that was you for literally having zero control over your feelings.

"Listen, Y/N," Seungkwan's stern tone interrupted your turbulent thoughts, "I'm not returning your letter unless you talk to Vernon."

"I was planning on talking to him, anyways! God, I can't just let him beat himself up for that," Your voice ended up being louder than expected, eliciting a flinch from the male before you. You mumbled out a quiet 'sorry' before speaking out again.

"But," You sighed, not looking at the male, "I don't think I'm ready to talk to him yet."

"I'll be keeping your letter for the meantime, then," Seungkwan remarked, "As his best friend, I can't stand seeing him like that, Y/N. But he won't listen to anything I say— he'd only listen if it comes from you."

Your eyes were stuck to the floor as you heard Seungkwan making his leave. You stood there in silence, reflecting on what the male had just said. Closing your eyes, you let out a sigh.

You'll talk to Vernon sooner or later, but for now, you have other problems to deal with.

#seventeen #seventeen x reader #seventeen scenarios #seventeen texts #seventeen au #seventeen sm au #seventeen fanfic #svt #svt x reader #svt scenarios #svt au #svt fanfic #boo seungkwan #boo seungkwan x reader #boo seungkwan scenarios #boo seungkwan au #choi seungcheol #choi seungcheol x reader #choi seungcheol scenarios #choi seungcheol au #scoups #scoups x reader #scoups scenarios #scoups au #choi seungcheol drabbles #boo seungkwan drabbles

[takecharge]

How to Relax - lessons from a person with chronic tension

I have chronic tension problems. My muscles are hardwired to tense up. I also have a chronically keyed up nervous system. And I have chronic pain.

Due to all these issues, I had to learn how to relax. It's literally part of the physical therapy and pain management I've been prescribed. Years ago I learned to relax my muscles. It's still not instinctive but it's something I can do with connection l concentration. And now I'm learning how to calm my nervous system.

I want to stress that while it's nice to approach that techniques with an open mind, these worked for me despite extreme resistance and skepticism at the beginning. I was angry that they were asking me to do this thing that clearly didn't work. And it did. I've had ten years to keep learning and investigating what works for me. Here are some techniques I learned and use - including a simple self hypnosis technique for anyone who can't relax their muscles.

Very important: try to breathe evenly when you do these exercises. Many people hold their breath when they focus on something. This is never helpful, but especially not when you are trying to relax.

How to stand, sit, or lie down feeling grounded:

Start with your face. First release your jaw. Let it go slack. Your upper and bottom teeth should not be touching. Now allow your face to go slack. If you've ever had Novocaine and not been able to feel parts of your face, try to imagine that feeling.

When standing or sitting:

Release your shoulders. That doesn't mean push them down. If you feel that you are doing any work to do this raise your arms to the ceiling and then let them swing down. When your arms fall you'll have a moment where your shoulders feel supported by by your skeleton alone. That's the sweet spot. You can also try raising and lowering your shoulders to feel it. This may take practice. It took having a teacher watch me and call me on pressing my shoulders down to make them look relaxed.

Your posture at this point won't feel elegant or proud. Instead it should feel like something has eased. You are letting gravity pull on you and relying on your skeleton to hold you up.

Seated, standing or sitting:

Imagine the your body's weight being taken up more and more each moment by the chair or the floor.

Now release your belly. Don't jut it out, but if you've tucked it under or sucked it in, let it go. This may feel really strange. Most of the readers this will reach have been taught to hide and hate their bellies. You might not realize you've internalized this, but try to enjoy the feeling of letting your belly swell and contract as you are breathing. Place your hands on your belly and feel the movement.

This movement happens because your diaphragm pushes your organs out of the way so your lungs can expand down. Every breath you take requires a rearrangement of your squishy parts. That's pretty amazing. So allowing your belly to swell when you breathe is important. It allows your lungs to fill up.

If you had any negative thoughts about your belly during this exercise, try to take some time to marvel at what's happening beneath it. Learning to stop hating your body actually really helps you relax it, more on that below.

If you are standing give your knees a gentle bend. Now focus on any place you are feeling ease. Maybe most of your body hurts and it's just in your face, or your shoulders, or your belly. Maybe it's the tip of your finger resting on your belly. Focus on that sense of ease. Bring to mind other times you have felt ease if you can.

Check in with your face, your shoulders, your belly. Anything that is resting on another surface, imagine it's melting into the surface. The bed, the floor, the chair, allow them to take up your weight.

Just ride the breath, and try not to get discouraged if the breath feels ragged, or too fast. Ride it with a sense of ease.

Advanced Relaxation - Physiological Quieting

What I like about this technique is that it works for some who  can't relax your muscles on command. Now I'm not promising 100% relaxation, everyone's body is different, but I find this works for me better than Progressive Relaxation.

You'll want to do this lying down with your knees, lower back and neck supported if that helps you feel comfortable. I recommend doing it in a bed or recliner.

You can start from your head or your toes, feel free to mix it up. Systematically bring to mind muscle groups in your body, your feet, your lower leg, and so on. As you do, repeat in your mind, "My foot is warm, my foot is heavy, my foot is very relaxed." I'd recommend saying this at least 3 times but feel free to say it more often if you aren't feeling that muscle group relax.

Parasympathetic 2 to 1 breathing

If you are dealing with general anxiousness and the exercise of riding the breath is just frustrating, there is a more specific breathing exercise that can help. Your body breathes quickly when you are anxious, it's the fight or flight response. What's interesting is that breathing can signal the brain to continue that response or stop it (again you might not find this is enough to handle all anxious feelings - I'm no doctor just a patient who has had some good luck with these techniques).

What you want to do is count while you inhale and then double that count when you exhale. Exhale and inhale as evenly as possible. Exhaling for twice as long as you inhale signals to your brain that you aren't in danger. You are safe enough that you are breathing deeply. That can help the feelings of anxiousness to disappear.

Body Appreciation

I've found that when I relax I get better benefit if I work on appreciating my body. This took a decade to learn so I don't know if it will work for you. Many of us don't like this or that part of us. Maybe it's body image issues. Maybe it's hating how your gut keeps you from going places, or how your hip aches so much it's hard to move. We tend to look to find a place to focus our frustration for how we feel. That's normal. But I find for me it gets in the way of true relaxation. My belly is where I tend to focus my dislike. It's too big, it houses my gut which is problematic, so I don't like it.

I realized I had to let go of that when I did Voice Movement Therapy work. My belly also is part of the movement of the breath, and I needed to feel comfortable with letting it be free and obvious when I sang. That took a lot of mental work. But doing that work meant that I was able work on singing and relaxation without simultaneously hating a part of myself.

There are two main ways I work on appreciating the body. I sometimes go through each part and try to think of the beneficial and effortless actions that part does, in spite of whatever issues I have with it. Maybe if my ankle is being problematic, I'll think of how blood is still flowing through it without effort. Or I'll consider that even when my asthma is unpleasant (mine isn't severe), I'm still managing to breathe without conscious decision.

The approach above might be too hard on certain days, or if you suffer from certain problems. So I do have another I use. This can be either the first step of conscious relaxation or something you do afterwards. Bring to mind a person (children with great for this) or animal that you feel (non-sexual) affection for. Take that feeling of affection and try to apply it to your body. The imagery I use is imagining that I'm painting my body with the affection. As each part of me is painted it is bathed in a warm golden light.

Resources

Physiological Quieting tracks are available online. Sometimes it's helpful to listen to someone guide you. This was the first thing I was asked to do in a pain clinic and it really worked. I'd link to my favorites but my favorite isn't available publically. But here's a shout out to Eve Kennedy who taught me this approach.

Vidyamala Burch is an excellent teacher who suffers from a lot of body problems and is a wheelchair user. I learned a lot (more than I expected) from her book Living Well With Pain and Illness. She has some online meditation courses though Insight Timer (an app) and though Breathworks, a company she founded. Many of her courses are on dealing with pain and illness. If you see lucky you might find an in person course in your area. You can also buy meditation tracks from her online. She is a Buddhist, but while her approach includes some inspiration from Buddhism, it is secular. She's a marvelous teacher.

Bodhipakṣa is working on a book on self-compassion and teaches online courses on the subject. His work on compassion involves the body and he's an excellent teacher.

Finally I'd like to recommend my friend and Mali Sastri. If you want to work with movement and Voice she's an amazing resource. You can read about how our work affected my health here: