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seawriterxx · 5 years

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Rejection 2

Hello! Before you read, this is the second part of Rejection. You can find the first part here: https://seajay-writes.tumblr.com/post/180297486247/rejection

If you wish to read on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16679137/chapters/47015929#workskin

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Keith realized he was different than other kids when he was six. Still cloaked in the innocence his father somehow instilled into him, what he thought was normal skills turned out to alienate him from the others in his kindergarten class. He could run faster, jump higher and push harder. Adding his quick wit and skill at retaining knowledge, he was quickly labeled ‘different’. Kids were drawn to him first, like tourists gawking at a sight that they’ve never seen. He was new and seemed to know everything, making him a perfect distraction from the student’s average child lives. There was something the students didn’t take into consideration however, Keith’s attitude.

Keith acted rather different from his well-meaning peers. He was aggressive and rude with an elitist attitude to rival the top bully on the playground. That didn’t mean he didn’t want friends. Keith tried to get along with his fellow students, his bossy attitude soon getting the better of their relationship and soon ending most of the friendships he gained along the way. It didn’t take long for the new spectacle to fall to the outlier, the kid no one wants to talk to. He sat alone, bored in a classroom with no one to look at whenever some kid did something stupid.

Middle school somehow got worse. A petri dish for hate and jealousy, his loneliness prospered there. Kids banded with those they bonded with while longer, ignoring those they hadn’t. No one wanted to talk to the smart kid with anger problems and a steady stream of insults at hand. Bullies taunted him, stopping after a certain playground accident that left them crying. Life was hard for Keith. Being top of his class and with peak athletic capabilities he should've at least been in the upper cliques but he was stuck being a recluse. Keith seemed to suffocate. Invisibility doesn’t suit even the rudest of people and he felt like he was drowning, feeling himself being sucked away until he was a husk of his potential.

It was like that until his senior year of high school. That’s when he met Shiro. He was recruiting students for the Galaxy Garrison and had taken interest with the recluse, drawing him out of his shell. It seemed that Keith finally had a friend, someone to sit with and tell stories, someone to help guide him in life. Keith had never felt more at home than with Shiro. It was with him where he learned about his sexuality, with him he was taken out of the hole he was in since as long as he could remember. It seemed fitting while his peers went to college, he bid goodbye to his father and followed Shiro to the Garrison.

It was at the Garrison where he finally grew up. Having the chance to work hard and commit to his own work led him to gain responsibility. His friendship with Shiro led him to be more open with others, even gaining some acquaintances that to his surprise, would smile at him in the hallways. It didn’t change everything, annoying cadets still drove him over the edge (especially a certain tall Latino), but it was enough to impact him in a beautiful way.

Of course, with his luck it all came crashing down when Shiro left. The drowning feeling slowly crept back, encasing him with anger and devastating sadness that made him shake at any given time. The loneliness he was learning to forget crashed into his soul and the walls that were slowly being torn down were slammed back up. Sleep turned into fitful attempts and any chance of relaxation brought guilt and red-hot anger soaring into the front of his mind. Out of all the things he regrets, getting kicked out is not one of them.

As loneliness became his best friend again, he found himself exploring space from that dusty cabin that was too big for his liking. Finding Shiro was probably the greatest thing he ever did, the rescue was a different story. Being dragged into space with people he barely knew and his best friend who was apparently hurt truly tested the strength he was ever so proud of. With Shiro back, his pain was withering away and he grew to slowly consider the paladins and Alteans his close family.

Lance, who was barely a figure in his memory soon became a hyper-fixation that scared him to his core. His first full blown crush and he didn’t know what to do about it. Shiro teased him for days as they grew closer, sharing many pining looks hesitant glances until a shaking Lance gave him some sort of flower from a planet they visited and confessed tearfully. Lance had expected a rude rejection, what he got was a carefully kiss on the cheek and a promise to watch the stars in two quintants.

As Shiro helped him grow as a friend, Keith learned what it truly meant to fall in love with Lance. He felt a strong connection grew and Keith began hoarding the emotions he got from Lance, wrapping his love around himself and for the first time in awhile, feeling unrelinquishing happiness with someone. Keith no longer had to feel like an outsider, Lance had filled up the dark holes in his life with stardust and kisses. Keith found himself smiling, seeking his lover out and he finally felt like a part of the group. Keith craved tender touches, often kissing Lance in the corners of the castle, alone but with at the same time, finally not.

When Lance pulled away, Keith started to feel himself spiraling, yearning for Lance’s attention. Doubts started to trickle into his head, forewarning the consequences of falling head first in love with one Lance McClain. As he walked around the castle, he noticed the places he once was with Lance and felt sick. His training slowly stopped and more and more, he kept to him room, not to be seen for multiple days. Shiro tried to talk to him, but the ever clever Keith managed to avoid any conversations. If he and Lance weren’t speaking, he didn’t see the point in talking at all.

“I know you don’t love me anymore”

His world seemed to fall apart when Lance confronted him, heart breaking all over again as he could only think about his past and how everything changed, how he managed to push away one of the best things that ever happened to him. He was thrust back into the head space of the recluse eight year old whose world only knew hate and armored walls. That he caused Lance pain. All he could manage out was one word, a choked out substitution of the pain that consumed his soul. He felt himself sinking, falling out of reality.

“What?”

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Hello! Author here! Thank you for reading the second installment of practically my baby. I hope you enjoyed it and you agree that it was worth the wait. I this goes well, I might add more but that’s a tiny possibility. This is the end for now. Thank you for sticking around to read this and I am so sorry it took so long. This took forever because of severe writing block, as well as the fact I hated the original part 2 and rewrote it SEVERAL times. Please like and reblog if you enjoyed it, a comment would make my day, possibly make me cry of happiness.

#langst #klangst #klance #keith kogane #lance mcclain #vld #voltron #Voltron legendary defender #voltron angst

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violetsystems · 5 years

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#personal

It can be a nightmare after all these years to be too transparent for public record. I imagine it would be something like a poltergeist; always bumping into things and being misinterpreted or read into. The age old posit of “Shit Happens” doesn’t leave much room for argument or even proof of life Nobody ever seems to hear my side of things other than when I write about it here. Nobody registers the endless frustration because I hide it all so well. I changed a lot of my routines in the last two weeks specifically. A year ago I started getting harassed at the gym so I changed my schedule there to an early one. Eventually I quit the gym altogether. These days I don’t even own a gym membership. The Nike Training App core routines and some barbells have delivered far more than the stress I had leaving the house. I think I’ve learned over time that Yoga and Pilates in the back bedroom teaches you more about form and control. I use a mirror to monitor my posture. I don’t feel any prying eyes on me behind closed doors. For years everybody knows I’ve been my own coach and source of motivation. The source of inspiration is a given and that’s always been fiercely personal to me. The fact that it should be so obvious is something I’ve learned to enjoy because it is to me. But nobody particularly knows or cares what goes on in my personal life other than here where I write. They forget about the weeks and the work therein. So I probably resemble a ghost clanking with chains in the hallways. There’s no causality because nobody pays enough attention to accept I exist. I’m stuck in a limbo between the known and unknown. There’s some attention I avoid. I avoid heavy doses of it every day because I know better. It’s sticks out like a sore thumb socially and I’ve had to practice a sort of poker face. People often have a habit of expressing their distaste that I think for myself. I changed my train route to work. I still bump into awkward invisible walls. People trying to hijack my narrative in public. People afraid of ghosts I guess. Some cultures leave offerings for the dead. Others try to exorcise and eradicate them. Some people throw dust to the wind and some people keep their loved ones in a jar above the fireplace. I’m still alive clawing at the fabric of society and not so much reality. Society is fake this we all know. More obsessed with post truth and fake news than statistical based science. I used to have more dread towards my situation. That I would be completely forgotten and misunderstood for the rest of my life. Obviously people following me around on my commute regardless of my route disproves that fate. People treat me like Frankenstein sometimes. Pitchforks, torches and all. Every other week I’m on trial for a different section of my being. I’m a patchwork of things I’ve picked up from art school year after year. And year after year there’s something else that claims it’s cooler, fresher, and more alive. A good excuse to keep me buried. To keep the heresy out of plain sight. And then there’s me banging away at the keyboard early in the morning on the internet like a spirit in the tv static. People free to read into the message however they please. Most people just surf right through me. The noise is still out there every Saturday pulsing like a brain in a petri dish. The horror.

I read this article about how they were growing brain tissue in a lab. There was this rhythmic pulse of electricity that they couldn’t explain. The ethics of testing on conscious living material are dicey at best. So are half the relational aesthetics driven social experiments done in the name of justice and revolution. What is right and normal is a lengthy discussion. But it requires dialog. Sometimes I feel like that brain in a dish trying to give a signal but nobody wants to acknowledge. No one wants the inconvenience of reading how I really feel. My routine the last year has been fairly measured and predictable. Yet people still feel the need to watch and make sure. It’s been a bit of an insult to come full circle a year later and know full well I told you so. And some of that sting from my own pride is softened by the fact that I broke free from the petri dish a long time ago. Patch worked my own identity in the face of valid harsh criticism. I am who I am and I accept pretty much everyone at face value. I have saved so much face this year that I’ve become more weary of public and how much it takes to put on the act and show. For all the revolutionary movements I’ve supported and all the calls to action I’ve heeded nothing much has changed for me. In America there is this endless cycle of outrage. Right versus left. Good versus evil. Black versus white. And it spirals into a fractal of endless opinions and vitriol. Nothing gets defined. Compromise is completely nonexistent. Closure is a luxury most cannot afford. You can’t have closure without getting yourself wrapped up in a bigger drama which limits and belittles the argument in favor of populism or worse. The tribe of public opinion has spoken. You have been voted off the Deleuzian Island you were shipwrecked on. A reality exposition in front of camera phones and a conscripted army of influencers. America has moved from clique to tribe. Everything is a little more Mad Max than it used to be. On the weekends I still stare out my kitchen window early in the morning. People have so many hidden expectations for me now it exhausts me just thinking about it. It is pure mental anguish to read into all the projections and there’s no real payoff. What statement shirt will I see today. What hidden message or Easter Egg do I have to squint my eyes at to prove I’m fully woke. It’s what is expected of me to be left alone I guess. Yes I’m ok. Yes I have a job. Yes I keep myself busy. Yes I keep myself out of trouble. Yes everything outside of my apartment these days seems to be causing me more trouble than it’s worth. Yes I’m very sad on the inside. And yes none of that really matters because when I shut the door and think about the people I care about it’s all worth it. Because I’m not some experiment in a dish that demands some qualitative proof of my usefulness to science, life and America. I’m my own science project. A mixture of phantom, shade and shambling mound. I figured out a way to hide the scar tissue in broad daylight and let the sun fill the hollows in my face. I’m the most handsome Frankenstein to walk the Earth. Maybe more of the Hulk for good measure. Aren’t they pretty much the same thing anyway?

Universal Studios actually owns the film rights to Frankenstein down to the makeup. The only Frankenstein movie to ever make it to Japan was because of a guy from Chicago selling the rights to Toho. He’s also the guy that could have boosted Lenny Bruce’s career. He instead launched Woody Allen’s rise to stardom. A parable lies within all of this. Maybe why we’ll never see a decent standalone Hulk movie inside the MCU. Maybe I’ll just read the comics instead and let it play out in my own head. There’s a lot of bullshit that I don’t ever want to be part of. A lot of soul sucking corporate tactics that don’t honor the actual art form. And there’s the reality that money, jobs, and careers make the world go round. I work at a non profit. I make a non profit salary. I’ve lived being made to feel like I’m inferior to money. I’ve learned how to budget myself a return to New York every two months. Someone at work asked if I had any gigs there. I said I quit music because it was threatening my safety. In truth the last year was really about setting up a perimeter in my life. A place that was safe enough and anonymous to share some intimacy with another person. Music didn’t serve that for me anymore. It hindered my goals. How I’ve gone about building fences around my garden has been akin to that scene in Frankenstein negotiating with the villagers. Except in a no holds barred me alone against the court of public opinion sort of way. Modern day Hulk has evolved into a sort of cultured retaliation against the mobs. He’s still too similar to the mad scientist story to make poetic cinema out of it all. Me I live this shit every day. Hulk in Hell. Abused in some ways and blessed in others. People don’t like it when I’m angry. I guess as they say that’s the trick. I’m angry all the time. It’s how I act upon it. How I sacrifice my incomprehensible rage and tortured feelings out of love. For me I spent the whole last year doing something about it. Challenging the infrastructure of all this bullshit and leading by example. Too much force and you break things. Too little and they walk all over you. Lenny Bruce had the entire police department after him for saying what he felt. Woody Allen succeeded in Hollywood. How you view the hypocrisy of all that is all in what you accept and what you resist. Resistance isn’t fun. And it looks different for everyone. The most political battle to fight is the personal one. The right to be and the right to think. What is the real different between Frankenstein and the Human Ken Doll anyway? Who owns the rights to me being me? What gives me the right to have an opinion? Who I can talk to and who I can love? What I need to become to be treated as an equal in the public eye? What people have done to stop me from becoming who I really am? Why do I even care about having a popularly accepted opinion when no one listens? Who has room for drama in their life when I only make space for all the love I have for you? Of all the pieces of my life that I stitched together you are the most important one to me. Because you are the piece that makes me whole just by being you. It’s not a missing link it’s been an important foundation to my struggle. If I keep bumping into you in the dark just remember it’s a love tap. I don’t mind if you tap back. Only you though. Fuck all this other shit. <3 Tim

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xadial · 4 years

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#having thoughts #i am a thousand different people through a thousand different eyes and maybe my truest self is the culmination of all of them #instead of the one i live with who i isolate myself with so so often and yet is the most abjectly unbearable person i know #i keep it in a petri dish and prod it and roll my eyes when it cries or feels anxiety #and then it's a spiral all the way down because who is the 'i' in the petri dish and who is the 'i' with the prodding stick #when i say i am the most unbearable person i know most of the time i will mean that spiral. not the person it tries to amount to #but sometimes i mean the person it tries to amount to.#i keep thinking about the concept of death of the ego #putting myself below the worth i give all others is egotistical. hence to avoid being egotistical i will follow the advice i give others #i used to be able to do that but i've rotted a bit maybe #the short of it is that ego causes harm and i do not want to do that and others are not the echo chamber i'm so used to when thinking #all this time and i still haven't the first clue how people work and i'll never stop trying but i'm scared of hurting people in the process #half a year ago my only goal was to be as kind to the world as i possibly could be and bring as much joy as humanly possible #and in that i was included in the world so limitless kindness to myself was intrinsic #and now i am tired and i am bitter and so awfully selfish again and i think i have been for a while #and the petri dish and the spiral goes on and on and on and i want to be a better person than i am now when i don't know how to be a person #rambles

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fashiontrendin-blog · 6 years

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Your July Horoscope Is Here and Thinks You’re Doing Great, Sweetie

https://fashion-trendin.com/your-july-horoscope-is-here-and-thinks-youre-doing-great-sweetie/

Your July Horoscope Is Here and Thinks You’re Doing Great, Sweetie

Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for the excessive exclamation points, but I’ve heard that the artist formerly known as “repel-o-scopes” inhabits one of the few cheerful, sunshiney corners of the internet — the kind where you can feel free to make a mini horse reference, which is usually the only kind worth making, imo.

Amelia already clued you in that someone would be hijacking hers and Susan Miller’s well-oiled machine this month, but allow me to officially introduce myself. I write the monthly astrology-meets-personality columns on Man Repeller that you know and love (or that you never read and don’t care for. Whatever. I’m a Leo and I never get offended. I also never bring up the fact that I’m a Leo, like, ever).

If you do know me at all, you know that I think the stars are my dearest friends and that astrology, in its most basic essence, is a vehicle for self-discovery. Full disclosure, I wholeheartedly love anything that claims to know me on an unreachable molecular level. (I’m an INFJ, in case you were wondering.) I also ask this question whenever I meet someone new: If you were a fruit, what kind of fruit would you be? Hmu in the comments with your answer and let me know your zodiac sign as well for an extremely un-scientific study I’m working on. Hint: Every Cancer I’ve ever met has reminded me of lychee.

I may not know as much as our friends at AstrologyZone, but I do know that by the end of July, FIVE PLANETS will be in retrograde, so you may be needing guidance. Let’s get into it.

Cancer

Speaking of lychee: throw some into a flute with peach juice and sparkling wine and you’ve got yourself an Instagram-ready birthday cocktail!!! Drink a few and document the whole experience. You deserve it.

You also deserve a fun-filled birthday month, wherein you hear the phrase “ask and you shall receive” aplenty. Luckily, that’s exactly what the planets are poised to give you! Since Cancer is ruled by the moon, you will float through July largely unaffected by the multiple retrogrades; instead, on the 13th, your floating rock in the sky will give you a little birthday present in the form of a new moon.

New moons offer new perspectives, fresh starts and opportunities for personal rejuvenation. When a new moon hangs out in the Cancer constellation, it’s even more sensitive to your needs and emotions, which makes this one especially powerful. In other words: cancel plans and treat yourself. I won’t tell you to grab a bath bomb and settle in with a candle or two, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.

We’re not done yet! More good news aplenty!!! (I’m really into that word right now.) The 5th is a good day to flirt up a storm, since you’ll be getting a boost from lucky Jupiter and magnetic Scorpio. Your charms will be downright irresistible and it would honestly be rude not to take advantage. (If you’re already in a relationship: so? You can still flirt up a storm.) Plus, you’ll be able to pull off any look, so throw on some lingerie and a maybe some dad sneakers, if you’re into that kind of thing.

Leo

Hey fellow sun babies! It’s not our time to shine just yet, although I know we all hate hearing that. I guess technically, for a Leo, it’s always time to shine. This is especially true if you’ve been using this summer to indulge in some bright orange highlighter and bejewled eye lewks, which I think you should.

You probably already know this, but the start of Leo season on the 22nd will bring a rush of white-hot energy. You may not know that shortly after, the 26th might put a damper on your plans to enlist your squad to photograph you in various thirst trap poses by the pool. That’s right, folks: Mercury turns retrograde in Leo at the end of this month and everything will be ruined.

Just kidding! As the old saying goes (?), a little retrograde doesn’t get a lion down. You’ll probably just feel a bit extra frustrated by flaky friends and a bit more sensitive when it comes to criticism. It’s important to remember, especially when Mercury retrograde welcomes an overflow of miscommunication, not to take everything so personally. Go ahead and delete that Slack message to your boss because responding to your email with “sounds good” and no punctuation does not mean that she’s mad at you.

Virgo

Crack open that Febreze ‘cause you’ll be the life of the party this month! By “life,” of course, I mean the caring, responsible voice of reason and by “ party” I mean July’s petri dish of emotional upheaval. It’s a good thing you always carry hand sanitizer, tissues and a label maker because July might get messy (for everyone else).

For you, dear Virgo, July will see your relationships thrive. On the 10th, you will welcome Venus into your midst and she is one saucy minx. Venus is the planet of love, affection, beauty, harmony and — excellent news! — she is sailing straight through the sky. No retrograde nonsense here! People will gravitate towards you during this time, asking for advice or perhaps a shoulder to cry on.

Now enough about everyone else, let’s focus on your own specific agenda (I know, I know, I’ll stop flirting. I know you love a good plan). On the 12th, you’ll be promotion-level productive, so make sure you have plenty of coffee at your disposal. You’ll feel the urge to work on the 14th but it’s a Saturday so put the damn computer down and go for a walk; this is actually a great day to be personally productive, so call your mom or enjoy a date night. The 22nd will be the best of all, but it’ll also be full of surprises, so I can’t tell you why.

Libra

There aren’t any fun zodiac-themed greetings for Libras because what kind of cute joke can you make about scales? Who decided that Libra would be the only sign represented by an inanimate object? If I were one of you, I would sue. (Also notable: When I began to search “why is Libra represented by an object” the first thing to auto-fill was “why is Libra the best sign,” which, true.)

But anyway, hey! You cuties can pretty much kick back this month. Nothing’s floating in or around your aura, and your ruling planet is hanging out with Virgo, which will have a significant chilling effect on your loud-ass mental whirrings. Three cheers for a good night’s sleep!

Not to sound like your mom or your money-tracking app, but the beginning of July would be a great time to balance your budget. Jupiter’s final days of retrograde will seriously impact your impulse control. Since you already gravitate towards pretty things and warm weather can feel like an invitation for an all-new wardrobe, this is a good time to practice financial restraint — mostly because you’ll probably fail, but at least you’ll have some perriwinkle hoop earrings that you bought on sale to comfort you.

One expense the stars will encourage this month is travel. Quit eyeing that ridiculously cheap round-trip flight to Paris and grab a baguette instead! You probably can’t take it on the plane but, you know, it’ll get you in the mood.

Scorpio

My regrettable ex-boyfriend is a Scorpio which leads me to believe that you’ll be causing trouble this month, but I would say that every month, so I’ll try to put my personal biases aside for now (even though everyone has an ex who’s a Scorpio; it’s kind of your thing).

On the 10th, Jupiter will leave retrograde and that is such good news. It’s especially fortunate for you since Jupiter has been hanging out with the cluster of stars that allegedly resembles a scorpion, so you’ll probably feel a sudden wave of confidence and electricity. This is an excellent time to take risks and watch them pay off — right in front of your very eyes! Be bold with your propositions and you may just find yourself on a date around the 22nd. If romance doesn’t interest you right now, get your friends together and indulge in a heart-to-heart. Venus’ understanding, compassionate energy will be on your side.

Also, a word of caution: I said “take risks” and “be bold” but I did NOT say “act without thinking” and “be impulsive.” Jupiter’s morale boost will last for some time, so don’t rush into anything! July’s blessings will come in the form of a slow burn, so chill out as much as you can. Drive around at twilight and blast Drake, as you are wont to do. His brand new album Scorpion has 25 freaking songs which is, length-wise, basically the rapper’s version of Avengers: Infinity War, so you don’t have to worry about getting bored. Plus, there’s a track called “Emotionless” AND one called “In My Feelings,” so if this isn’t a Scorpio’s ideal soundtrack of extremes then idk what is. Bottom line, marinate with your options before hopping on a flight to Vegas and betting it all on black 15 (…just my ex? No? Okay).

Sagittarius

Alright my celestial equestrians, you can finally stop tripping over your own feet and succumbing to bottomless YouTube spirals wherein you watch “RIP Vine” compilations on a loop. Jupiter is FINALLY figuring itself out on the 10th, and as your ruling planet, it owes you a personal apology when it does.

Sagittarius is a naturally lucky sign — thanks in large part to Jupiter, the planet of luck, expansion, celebration and encouragement. Having Jupiter watch over you is like having an internal treasure map. So its retrograde was probably super frustrating for the archers of the world because it slows everything down; it causes dreams to sputter and ideas to be questioned.

The 10th, then, will be like a breath of fresh air. It will also bring a ton of financial benefits. I might even advise you to invest if I knew anything at all about investing. Jupiter’s remaining placement in Scorpio and the second house seems to suggest that you may come into some money through inheritance or insurance…..but that has the potential to seem pretty dark so let’s forget I even brought it up. If you suddenly find a wad of cash in your underwear drawer, I wouldn’t question it. July is all about infuriatingly unwavering optimism.

Capricorn

I should let you know up front that I have an inexplicable soft spot for Capricorns, so what I’m about to tell you hurts me more than it hurts you. But try to look on the bright side: A Leo (me) loves you with all her heart, and that should feel like the sun is giving you a hug!!!

Pluto is still in retrograde and it’s still trying to drag you out into its reject outer orbit. Being the planet of change and transformation, Pluto retrograde in Capricorn is a particularly tumultuous time — especially at work or within traditional family dynamics. If you’ve recently felt the urge to withdraw, you’re not alone.

Tread particularly lightly on the 12th, when Pluto picks a fight with the sun in Cancer. Both placements care deeply about the domestic sphere, but in opposition, their brief squabble will increase sensitivity and concern; you may be left feeling unmoored and insecure. Reach out to friends for support and resist the temptation to lash out at family members.

OKAY, back to the fun stuff! You didn’t think I’d leave you on that gloomy note, right? On the 14th, I’ll bet that you get a note or bouquet from a secret admirer or something. Romantic and furtive forces are afoot, colluding for your benefit. Then on the 28th, all your secret fuzzy feelings will be validated when Venus swoops in to offer you a grand gesture. Remember to be open and vulnerable and accept love with an open heart!! (And I’ll remember to sign the card on your bouquet this time!)

Aquarius

I don’t typically like to swear when I’ve been hired to produce something in a ~professional capacity~ but HOLY SHIT this is YOUR MONTH. The blood moon on the evening of the 27th and morning of the 28th will be the LONGEST LUNAR ECLIPSE IN A CENTURY and if that doesn’t make you want to swear and type in caps lock then you’re not a real Aquarius!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you’re not in the eastern hemisphere, you won’t be able to see this astral phenomenon, but I guarantee that you’ll be able to feel it. This will probably be a day full of surprises, unexpected happenings and unconventional behavior. In other words, this is an environment where the water bearers thrive. It may also be a day of endings, but not in a sad way — if you’ve been waiting for “the right time” to let go of whatever is hurting your heart, unconsciously or otherwise, this lunar phase boasts fertile, encouraging soil.

Also, if you’ll allow me to rewind a bit, the 5th is the perfect day to tell someone to fuck off (I’ve already sworn for you once, I may as well get it out of my system now). Mercury in Leo is about to square up with Mars in Aquarius, combining the explosive powers of honesty and action. You’ll get a little riled up — but in an understandable, righteous way — and whatever you’re mad about, I think you should go with it. How often do you get to rightfully put someone in their place and justify it with a horoscope?

Pisces

Oh boy, my fishy friend, here’s the deal: You’ll be dealing with a double-whammy in the nostalgia department for a little while. Your ruling planet, Neptune, is home in Pisces and that probably feels comforting, albeit a little overwhelming — like how it might feel if your mom crashed on your sofa for a couple weeks. You may love the taste of familiar home-cooked meals from childhood, but your emotional barometer is extra sensitive.

On top of that, Neptune sailed into retrograde on June 18th (as is the theme with fickle planets this month), and you’re probably still adjusting to its effects. Before we get in any deeper, I’d like to get a few things out of the way: don’t text your ex; don’t question the decision to quit the job that you literally left months ago; don’t look at your “On This Day” memories on Facebook.

In general, don’t get lost in romanticism or reveries — particularly on the 8th, because someone from your past is going to reemerge and I can’t promise that entertaining their sweet nothings will leave you with anything except an empty bottle of wine and half-finished cheese plate. Entertaining guests isn’t always satisfying.

But you know what else is gonna experience a resurgence in July? Yes, the Mission: Impossible franchise, but MORE IMPORTANTLY, your reputation! I know that sounded like a backhanded compliment, but I promise I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that the 24th will bring a bright moment of clarity. Whatever has been holding you back will feel suddenly more manageable, and people will notice your surge of focus, motivation and creativity.

Aries

Not to sound like a total downer, but this month won’t be a walk in the park for the rams of the world. Mars retrograde, which only happens about once every two years, is upon us for the entire month and it just won’t leave us alone!!!!!!!!

Mars’ moonwalk through the sky generally causes sluggishness and lack of motivation. If this just sounds like a regular summer slump, don’t be fooled: you may notice projects or relationships that fizzle to a finish for no reason at all. This retrograde spares no mortal but because Mars rules Aries, you will feel its effects more than the average human (but then again, you feel most things more than the average human, you fiery little wingnut. Love you!).

I’m not just here for the bad news, however! I’m here for Mars retrograde as an opportunity to scale back and reevaluate. You’ll probably feel more patient; more inclined to think things through before jumping in, horns first. Rams tend to be “Go, Diego, Go!” but under the scorching summer sun, this is the perfect time to recharge: pop on a pair of tiny sunglasses, throw on some lime green pants and head to the beach instead! You have the planets’ permission.

Taurus

I assume you are familiar with a little term that’s been making the Twitter rounds recently: Big Dick Energy. If so, I would like to applaud and apologize simultaneously. The former because, congratulations, you are plugged into internet culture! The latter because, honestly, I am not entirely convinced the former is a good thing. And also because BDE has forced me to consider the sexual magnetism of people I’ve never wanted to, from Pete Davidson to Troy Bolton’s father (although, to be fair, also some people whose sexual magnetism I think about daily, like Rihanna).

That wasn’t entirely relevant to the task at hand, I just wanted to make it known that Taurus is the sign that most obviously and commonly exudes BDE in the zodiac. Okay, back to the real news.

So on the 12th, your ruling planet Venus — which is hanging out with your fellow earth sign Virgo — will mingle with Uranus — which is currently hanging out with you, Taurus — and I know that sounds complicated but I’ve got the spicy breakdown. Things are gonna heat way the hell up, you will feel sexy and your BDE will reach its greatest and most powerful frequency (now you see why I had the acronym on my mind! It’s all coming together!!).

It’s natural to feel a little frustration on the 25th, when your desire to be seen and desire to hide will reach a maddeningly similar level. One-on-one intimacy will serve as your middle ground, an island of comfort in the midst of inner chaos. Okay, I’m making this sound more dramatic than it is. Just avoid parties and call your best friend.

Gemini

This is unrelated to your horoscope, but I was just looking at photos of Mary-Kate and Ashley and feeling resentful that their transcendent power has been overshadowed by their departure from “the grid.” I have a Gemini moon and I still feel their twin influence (twinfluence? I’ll show myself out) every single day.

As usual, since you are a chatty little star child, Mercury retrograde will hit you like a ton of meteorites (“a ton of bricks” feels too mundane for our purposes). Mercury is your ruling planet, so it sucks that it’s the planet most often working in reverse — but it’s also kinda cool because Sage the Gemini’s banger “Reverse” works for you on multiple levels at various points throughout the year. Everyone loves a playlist staple!

This retrograde starts on the 25th, which is a Monday, so try to get important work done before that. In fact, if you have any vacation days saved up, just get lost that week and we’ll touch base again in August. I think we’d all prefer to be left alone by the Geminis in our lives as they adjust to the first five days of Mercury’s pre-medieval torture.

Luckily, pre-retrograde July will treat you well. You may even be offered a job, a raise or some kind of promotion, so keep those peepers peeled for opportunities to strut your stuff (as if you don’t already).

Illustration by Cynthia Merhej.

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