#and the next religion class i had i asked the teacher if he would go to hell bc he killed himself

[spacequokka]

RM1526: Calculus II

Pairing: professor!Changkyun x student!Reader Genre: College AU, Smut Rating: M Summary: “I don’t doubt that. However,” he held your wrists in one hand as he locked the only door to the classroom with the other, “I can’t risk someone walking in on me topless. Even in the name of art.” Word Count: 2.6k 🤬 drabble my ass Warnings: teacher/student relations, topless Kyun deserves a mention, marking, dirty talk, reader would do shots off his tats and it shows, choking, quick rough vaginal sex on a desk, one use of degradation, editing this at 3am with a mix of coffee and melatonin gummies in my system, mistakes were made

Inspired by this gif. Part one of my four entries for the Monsta X professor au series with @iibonniee​ who made the banner! If you love this, please shower her with love for me. This series is all her idea. I recommend That’s the Way Love Goes and Promise for reading.

Masterlist | Next

At this point, it was an obsession. It started as mild curiosity at first. Who wouldn’t want to know more about the pretty tattoo playing peek-a-boo on the sexy calculus teacher? It wasn’t as if you cared about the numbers and symbols on his whiteboard. But the way his forearm flexed as he flipped the marker between his fingers, slowly shifting his sleeve back to show the intricate ink was becoming its own religion. You only wanted to see it up close, maybe even ask who did it so you could go pay your respects.

But no.

“Hm, that’s too easy for you, Ms. ____.” Professor Im smiled and shook his head. “Come back to me when you get an A in my class.”

You were barely passing his class. Well, you were nothing if not determined when it came to stupid shit. You found a tutor and made it your life’s mission to master math Greek gibberish. By the end of the semester, you managed to get a fucking 92. It was time to collect your reward.

You had your grades printed off, hand slightly shaking as you stayed in your seat and waited for class to empty for the day. Did you need your phone? You should probably take a picture to show the artist if he tells you who did it. Ugh, but why wouldn’t they remember him or their work? Okay, maybe you wanted a souvenir for your hard work.

“You planning on sleeping here tonight?”

Your attention snapped to the professor where he stood behind his desk with his hands in his pockets. Today was his black turtleneck sweater day. You swallowed hard and got to your feet. “No!” You held up the paper as if he could see it from where he stood. You hopped down the stairs and came to a stop in front of his desk. “You said you’d show me your tattoo if I brought my grade up. I have an A now.”

His bored expression barely changed as he cocked an eyebrow at you. Oh, fuck. Did he forget? You didn’t think you needed to remind him along the way. Shit—

“I know what your grade is. Who else grades your work?” The tiniest smirk graced his lips before he took his hands out of his pockets. “Ah, now which one was it…” He looked between his arms then held one up. “I think it was this one.”

You sucked in air. “Wait, you have more than—”

He ignored you as he pushed back the fabric and revealed the holy grail. The flower was gorgeous, an intricate weave of lines that healed to perfection. You were drawn to it like a moth to his flame. He watched you come around his desk and even let you pull his arm closer for inspection. “You like ink that much, huh?”

“Sir, I happen to appreciate all forms of art,” you murmured as you traced the petals lightly with a fingertip. He shivered, but you ignored it, moving your focus to the shading of the stem and leaves. To his credit, he didn’t pull away.

He cleared his throat. “I got that impression over the past few months. You tend to stare whenever I roll my sleeves up.”

You felt your face flush as you froze and dropped his arm as if he’d burned you. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Mmm.” He nodded. “Of course. Come on, time to go.” He gently pushed your shoulders, turning you towards the door.

“Oh, wait! Can I get a picture? I killed myself for this.” You reached for your phone. “I wanna get one done soon.”

“A picture?” He scoffed. “It’s not even the best tattoo I have.”

“It’s not?” You whirled around to face him. He was close, and it forced you to look up past his chin. “Can I see? Please? Please, lemme see it.”

His lips twitched as he looked away. “I dunno, Ms. _____. I’d have to take my sweater off.”

“I’m fine with that. I want to see it.” You reached for the hem of his sweater, but he caught your eager hands.

“I don’t doubt that. However,” he held your wrists in one hand as he locked the only door to the classroom with the other, “I can’t risk someone walking in on me topless. Even in the name of art.” The click of the lock echoed in the large room. “You can’t tell anyone I showed you either.”

Excitement buzzed in your veins like alcohol. “Your secret’s safe with me, sir.” You followed him back to his desk, where he gestured for you to stand in front of his chair. You obeyed his instruction. His large hands seized you by your waist and pressed you against the edge of the desk.

“You might want to be up here to see it properly,” he murmured. Well, he had a point. You pushed yourself up onto his desk without a second thought. He rewarded you with one of those rare true smiles. “Perfect.” He sat down in his chair.

“Does anyone else know about your tattoos?” You asked without taking your eyes off him. He shook his head as he pulled the slinky sweater up and off his body. Your brain instantly turned to mush upon seeing the various designs of ink on his chest and shoulders. His artist must have descended from Da Vinci himself. You made this weird squeaky noise that sounded like a mouse on helium breathing its last.

Professor Im ran a hand over his pecs, then stretched. “Okay,” he stood up and got mind-numbingly close, “be gentle with it. I get ticklish.”

You scoffed as he turned around. Your mouth dropped open, eyes wide and sparkly. You’d imagined all sorts of different designs on him. Something like this? Unthinkable, yet it suited him. Again, your hands moved on their own as you committed each detail of the three flowers to memory. “This is amazing,” you whispered.

“So is your touch,” he grunted. “Are you always this delicate with things you handle?”

Your cheeks heated up, and you bit your lip. “Would you like it if I poked harder?” You didn’t mean for it to sound that way, but once the words were out, you shrugged it off. A man with gorgeous skin and god-tier tattoos will do that to you.

What you didn’t see coming was his reaction. He stiffened for a second, as if even he couldn’t believe you’d be that bold. But then he backed up, all but shoving his back into your face. He gingerly brought his hands to your knees as if to steady himself as he perched his ass against the desk between your thighs. Did he think you wouldn’t lick his fucking tattoo right here? You honestly couldn’t tell if he was aware he was slowly driving you insane.

Two can play that game.

Keeping an eye on the side of his face, you splayed your hands out on his back and gently pressed your fingertips into his skin. His mouth opened a little. With a deep breath for confidence, you pressed your lips to one of the flowers wound around the blade going down his spine. The man jerked like you’d shocked him, but again he didn’t pull away. Instead, he squeezed your knees with a warning as he released a slow exhale. He might have mumbled something like “Don’t get fired, Kyun.”

You liked the idea of him fighting against doing whatever was going on in his head. You also liked playing with fire. “I’m surprised there are no scratches on your back.”

“Why would I—” He stopped when he caught on. “Ah. Well, it’s hard to scratch someone when you’re pinned down.”

The thought of being pinned underneath him, taking each stroke with his impossibly deep voice in your ear, was a heady one. You whimpered at the thought as your knees trembled with want. “Shit.”

He glanced at you over his shoulder. “You okay?” His concern was genuine, but it wasn’t like you could focus when he was massaging your legs. His hands were calloused and swallowed your calf muscles. You couldn’t help the way your mind immediately wondered what else on him was big.

“Yep.” You swallowed hard, trying and failing to push the horny thoughts away. “C-can I see the ones on your chest before I go?”

He made a noise somewhere between a hum and a moan before turning around without bothering to put distance between you. He arched his eyebrow, silently asking if it bothered you, but you were already reaching up to touch him.

His grip on your thighs tightened as he leaned into your touch. “Fuck,” he gasped, while his eyes fluttered shut. You tilted your head to the side, amazed at how he responded to every little thing you did. Your hands trailed from his chest to his neck. His eyes snapped open and focused on you with a look that made you sit up straighter. You instinctively tried to close your legs around his waist, barely aware of how you exposed your dirty thoughts and wants. Changkyun’s hands closed around your wrists and pulled you towards him as he leaned in close enough for your noses to touch. “You’re really testing my patience here.”

You felt the low rumble of his voice deep in your soul, your core, and knew if he asked you’d fuck him right then and there. “I’d never do that.” You pouted as you looked into his eyes and brought his hips closer. “I hate tests.”

There was a beat of silence before he spoke. “Tell me you want this, _____.” He spoke against your lips. “No misunderstandings.”

You moaned softly as you threaded your fingers through the hair at his neck. “I want this, want you so bad—”

Changkyun didn’t even let you get the words out. He devoured your mouth with a kiss so hot and wet your panties were ruined in seconds. The way he paid attention to every detail, from your lips to your tongue and even the roof of your mouth, left you whimpering with want while struggling against his hold keeping you from touching him. And you wanted that more than anything. Just to feel his skin and the raised lines from his tattoos under your fingers while he shivered.

When he got tired of exploring your mouth and nudged your head aside to kiss your neck, you were able to voice your complaints. “Please,” you pulled against his hold, “let me touch you.”

He chuckled before nipping at your throat. “Greedy girl, you already have. It’s my turn.”

You had to bite your lip to keep from crying out when he bit you again, this time harder. “Please, just a little bit more.”

His kisses trailed back to your mouth. “Sound so pretty when you beg like that, but keep it down. I don’t want anyone else to hear what’s meant for me.” He gently bit your bottom lip and slowly let it go. “Got it?” 

“Yes, sir.” You nodded. He smirked and kissed you again as he laid you back on the desk.

“Can’t believe you’re a bad girl. On your professor’s desk spread out like this. Never would’ve thought.” His fingers caught the hem of your sundress and pushed the fabric up. Before you knew it, his fingers were exploring your pussy, caressing your folds, then parting them to dip a finger in. “Shit. I knew it. You’re gonna feel like heaven on my dick.”

Somehow, this kept getting better and better. Knowing he wanted to get inside you was all you needed to hear. “Oh, fuck yes.” You moaned quietly as you squirmed impatiently. He continued to tease you, sliding his finger in and out then adding another and finally a third. By the time he deemed you ready to take his dick, you were a mess, babbling as you rode his fingers chasing an orgasm he wasn’t willing to give just yet.

“Hands stay up here.” He pointed to the edge of the desk by your head. You grabbed it with both hands as he fished his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled out a condom. Then he pulled off some David Blaine bullshit by undoing his belt and pants with one hand while opening the condom then rolling it on. Any other time, you would have applauded him. He put one of your legs on his shoulders while stroking himself a few times. You felt him prod at your entrance, head teasing through your slick before rubbing circles around your clit. Biting the inside of your cheek was the only way to keep you from giving you both away. “So good for me…” he moaned as he pressed the tip inside.

You tightened your grip as your legs shook with each inch he fed you. By the time he was balls deep, both of you were sweating and shaking, whispering curses as you realized what feeling so fucking good meant for you two. Pussy so tight and wet. Dick thick and deep. This could never have been a one-time deal. Fuck. He squeezed the thigh on his chest and pressed a kiss to your knee.

“Gotta make this quick so I can get you somewhere softer, like my bed or couch.” He groaned as you clenched at his words.

“I’m not picky,” you said bringing your other leg to his hip and pulling him in deeper. “Backseat of your car will do.”

“Shit, I can see you making me pull over at least once.” He put his other arm under the leg on his hip and bent over, pushing your legs back towards your chest. “You’re sin with pretty eyes and a tempting smile.” He pulled out just enough to slam back in, immediately setting a fast and brutal pace. The angle was perfect, stimulating your clit while reaching deep enough for each stroke to brush that special spot that had you seeing stars. His lips came back to yours and he hushed you. Only then were you aware that your cries of pleasure were echoing. “Get me fired and you’ll be my cocksleeve until I find another job.”

“P-promise?” You smiled, happy when he grunted and nudged your head aside again and suckled a mark into your skin.

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you? Spending every fucking minute stuffed with dick and screaming my name.” His strokes grew shorter as he put more strength into his thrusts. He let one of your legs go in favor of your throat, bringing your attention back to the flower on his forearm. His muscles flexed as he adjusted his grip to only apply pressure from the sides. “Look at you. You love being choked, too? You keep surprising me. Cum for me, baby. Cum so I can take you home and wear that pretty ass out.”

He didn’t have to tell you twice. A few more rolls of his hips against yours, pelvis grinding on your clit, and you were gone. His arms moved to the sides of your head, hands gripping the desk alongside your own as he started pounding away. The poor desk tried to hold its ground but still ended up screeching as it scooted across the floor with his thrusts. Losing his footing threw off his concentration and within minutes he was moaning in your ear as he came.

When he stopped and rested his head on your shoulder, you brought your arms down and gently rubbed his back, giving him a little pat for a job well done. But he didn’t want that. He pushed up and pulled out, peeling the condom off and dropping it in the trash by his desk. He grabbed your hands and helped you sit up. “Let’s get out of here.”

Masterlist | Next

#ksmutclub #kvanity #mxnetwork #monsta x smut #changkyun smut #i.m smut #changkyun x reader #changkyun x you #monsta x professor au #monsta x teacher au #monsta x scenarios #monsta x imagines #here i am with no impulse control #changkyun imagines #changkyun scenarios #i.m imagines #i.m scenarios

[jellyishi3s]

Valeria headcanons (cuz I love her.)

TWS: talks of toxic parents/household, misogyny, talk of some sac-religious topics, drugs but nothing explicit, cartel related things, honestly nothing explicit but just talks of violence in general. Idk i think that’s it, I’m sorry if I’ve missed anything. If i did let me know!

I love this women so much lmao. Speaking of love lets talk about familial love and relationship. I’ve seen a lot of people say Valeria has daddy issues… she definitely does not lmao. No but it all honesty, she most definitely has mommy issues. Her and her mom, can never have a genuine conversation without getting into an argument, or they just act civil, which is usually just them ignoring their ever growing problems with each other. Alejandro mentioned Valeria having brothers briefly, now i don’t know how many she has but I’m assuming somewhere between two or three. She loves and hates them. Now pulling some information from my own family(extended) and patterns I see in my own community. Hispanic mothers tend to absolutely baby the men in the family, especially their sons, if they ask to go out on a school night they’ll usually say yes, even when they haven’t done their chores or are failing classes. But as a daughter… no. It’s a no. You’ll actually end up doing their chores and than be told you need to do better in school even though you only got a B. The double standards are crazy sometimes. And this most likely what contributed to Valeria’s strained relationship with her mom. Her relationship with her brother’s are good though, but they do piss her off, mainly because of that double standard. I think she’s either the second oldest or middle child. She loves her dad, and grandma. Daddy’s girl, I think her father definitely was the more laid back parent. He spoiled her and definitely was excited when her mom was pregnant, and they found out it was a girl. She loves her grandma, she sometimes wonders how such a sweet woman could make her mom. Her mom probably saw too much of herself in Valeria, but also so much of what she’s not.

Friends. Valeria to me, seems like she has one maybeee two, really close friends. She did really well in school, always excelled, loved the competition of it all. She did sports in school, probably looked up to her brothers and tried following in their footsteps, she did soccer (football), swim team, cross country, and did boxing even though her parents said it wasn’t lady like. Her best friend since like fourth grade, would come to all her sport meets. They were really close, they were in all the same classes up until high-school, they talked shit about their parents or kids at school, they skipped school, caused trouble; because I just know Valeria probably pranked one or two teachers but in very personal and targeted ways, she never got caught. Honestly her and her best friend, had a homoerotic friendship. Lmao.

I didn’t grow up in Mexico but I visited quite often as a kid, and it’s no surprise that most people there are very catholic. (It’s next too impossible to find tampons sometimes, and you can thank purity culture and religion for that.) Take that in mind. I don’t think she had internalized homophobia, but she genuinely thought of it as a phase of sorts… It was not a phase. Her and her best friend would kind of experiment together, they kissed, made out, lingering touches, but they never went further. Valeria, had kissed a few guys in high school, but when she kissed her friend, it felt right you know? Valeria at some point did fall in love with her best friend, she never admitted to herself until her best friend started dating some mediocre guy. She was low key hurt and honestly jealous. Said mediocre guy and her best friend got married a few years after they graduated high school. Valeria went to the wedding, and while she had convinced herself what they did was just dumb teenage experimentation, she felt very bitter sweet seeing her friend get married to this guy.

Speaking of relationship. Valeria probably dated quite a few guys, but none of them ever made her feel a real type of connection. She also didn’t like a lot of them because didn’t like her taking control, or being so ambitious. (I mentioned Valeria did good in school and was probably the more competitive type; adding onto that she definitely had a passion for politics, and the intricacies off it, I think she wanted to be a politicians, but I bet her mom and brothers kind of just wrote her off about it.) So the men she dated definitely didn’t like how she was so ambitious and dominate both in and outside their relationship and bed. She didn’t take shit from anyone and that included the guys she dated or slept with. if she wanted to be on top or the one in control in bed, and their egos were too fragile for that, she would leave them high dry. Honestly sex with men felt… okay to her. Like she definitely tried to be more submissive and try things they wanted to do… yeah she never finished. Also men’s ego’s and how they viewed her and women were a major deal breaker and turn off, the minuet a guy made misogynistic, comment, that relationship or date ended quick. Honestly for a long time she lied to herself, saying she likes men but just has high standards. Now Maria (Valeria’s actor) said Valeria and Alejandro definitely had something but she also stated she’s not sure if Valeria was in love with Alejandro or she hat plain likes women. Maria also stated the reason why Valeria betrayed the military and became an enforce for La Arana and than became El sin nombre, is because she was treated worse than her male counter parts in the military, so keep that in mind.

Alejandro. Honestly i think Valeria actually did like, or at the very least felt attracted to him. She definitely thought if she was going to date a guy it would be Alejandro. I think both of them had a thing for each other, it was kind of a this weird relationship that was a relationship but also wasn’t confirmed, type of thing. I think what happened was Alejandro seemed like this guy who respected Valeria and her ambitions, and she liked that, she liked how he didn’t mind letting her have control but at some point, Alejandro said or did something, that just reinforced that its really is all men. She wasn’t heartbroken, but she probably felt betrayed in a way. After Alejandro, I think she came to terms that she really just liked women. Her first time with a woman was early on, when she became an enforcer for La Arana. It was this other woman, one of few, and she didn’t really know how to go about asking or telling if she was also into woman. She was honesty and blunt, she straight up just asked the other woman “you into women?” And by Valeria’s surprise. She was and you know what happens from there. She was actually a little nervous to have sex with a woman, just because she never knew how two women did it and because she was coming to terms that she was a lesbian. Valeria’s a quick learner, so she kind of just watched a bunch of porn video’s to get an idea of what to do. After she left her hook ups place, she kind of had like that realization, that she really was attracted to women. Valeria also figured out what it was like to actually enjoy sex. Yeah she got around after that.

Military. Okay so like I stated before, Valeria was probably seen as less than, compared to her male colleagues. But also I think in general throughout her life she was seen as less than her brothers, her class mates, her boyfriends etc… I think she joined the military because it’s a stable job, it makes decent money, but I also think, Valeria thought the military would be about your skills, about your capabilities, she thought it had nothing to do with gender. Oh. Was she wrong. The misogyny, the machismo, the cat calling, the condensation. She tried ignoring it, and just tried to prove herself, but she probably learned pretty quickly, that some guy with half her skill and capabilities would surpass her. The time in the military actually altered her brain chemistry. She was never one for just taking shit from others, and that strengthened and solidified even more. She wasn’t scared to argue or to even get physical with a guy who made a remark. She was probably a little more… idk lenient? With higher commanding officers. But even than sometimes, they’d mansplain or be condescending towards her, she’d just passive aggressively smile at them. Her brothers are in the military and in a way I think, she wanted to prove to her mother she was just as good or better than her brother’s. But when she saw, that a man with half her qualifications were always advance quicker and higher than her, she became an enforcer. Now I’m not an expert on cartels, but cartels have nothing to do if you’re a woman or a man, its about how good at business and how much power you hold. Valeria liked that. She probably became something like a right hand man, or something of higher authority. Now I don’t know what happened for La Arana to essentially fall, but it was probably a mixture of poor business and a lot of paper trails or something. Valeria saw what happened and how it could’ve been prevented. It was most likely already a failing thing, with a mediocre past time. Valeria was steps ahead, she had a plan she ended up convincing most if not all of the enforcers and made a deal with the enforces that were apart of her military unit. She had a plan, she had everything figured out, and she already had people who were helping her build something better. She was smart and and calculating about it all, and that’s why she succeeded. But also I think one thing many look over is her capability to be cruel.

I think some people forget, just how cruel and violent cartels are. And maybe because, we saw Valeria just shoot and get it over with, so it doesn’t really register but… Unfortunately, she probably has done worse, and she needed too. There’s a few big cartels in Mexico, and if she wants to expand and have respect. She has to prove she’s just as unforgiving as them, so you know, interrogations, probably get a lot messier than what we saw with soap. I think to be able to do those things or to give the okay on t0rture, you definitely have to already have some sadistic tendencies. Like you don’t just randomly abandon a piece of your humanity or morals, that is something you have to accept or come to terms with before even acting on or doing. So Valeria probably had known, or come to terms that she could kill without much remorse. She’s not scared to get her hands dirty, and that’s why she has succeeded, that’s why the men who work for her respect and follow her. I think part of her cruelty is this need to prove and show, that she is better than them, and they can’t deny that. Cruelty is a necessity in cartels, and Valeria, understood that, and probably had little to no qualms about that aspect.

Valeria is honestly the epitome of “I support women’s rights and wrongs.”

Tattoos. Okay so Valeria’s tattoo’s actually tell you a lot about out her. Now I didn’t do super in depth research but this what I did find. So one is she believes/follows Santa Muerte. Which for those who don’t know is considered like the grim reaper, or lady of death. Now it’s not an official religion, or religious figure in Mexico, but she is still consider a saint or deity of sorts for those who believe. Santa mureata is kind of controversial, because many cartel members believe in her, and it gives her this kind of dark or cult like vibe. But like most religions, people have used her as a way of justifications of things or symbol for something that is not accordance to the religion. (Now my grandparents immigrated to the US from Sinaloa, and as a kid I would go there, and Sanata Murete is popular there. My family doesn’t believe in it, but I was taught about it and I’m kind of trying to remember so if I get anything wrong apologies.)

So Santa Muerte is not necessarily bad, she represents the acceptance of death, but also to bless you from dying a painful or violent death, wealth, good health, safe delivering to the after life, healing and probably more but I forget. Now while Santa Murete is often celebrated by those who are lgbtq, in sex work, or just had or have/had struggled throughout their life. Valeria might have it because it’s become some what of a symbol among cartels. Valeria has two Santa muerte tattoo’s, both of them have the initials KW on them, but I couldn’t find anything relating to that, so I’m assuming its an initial for name? Valeria also has a rose tattoo, with shackle on it, now, this is actually a popular tattoo among Russian prisoners. It represents someone who was either incarcerated before 18 and can symbolize rising up from oppressive forces or people. The general consensus I could find about the tattoo that it means to basically rise above oppression. She has a snake tattoo with a dagger stabbing it which can represent triumph, bravery, and over coming demons, or obstacles. She also has two scorpion tattoos, now scorpion’s can symbolize many things. In general they are a symbol of strength. Within Mexican and Cuban gangs and cartels, in particular, the tattoo indicates the wearer is a contract killer or enforcer. Valeria tattoo themes surround, overall strengthen, overcoming oppression or obstacles she has faced in her life. She most likely wears the Santa muerte tattoo as a form of worship in a way, but because she has initials combined with it, she might be of done in a memory of someone. Anyways she looks hot.

Alchol, she loves and hates it. Coming from a Hispanic household, and family in general, I have never met a Hispanic who doesn’t drink, unless they’re alcoholics and in recovery. So she probably drinks, but never to the point where she’s drunk. She likes really anything, but rarely drinks hard liquor though. Beer and wine she likes. Oddly loves cheap wine, and liquor but can’t stand cheap beer. She prefers Modelo’s, reminds her of how her dad would let her sip or try a little, when she was a teenager.

NSFW— I for the life of me can not see this woman, being submissive. Maybe she’ll let you top, but she’s in control, honestly will somehow edge you more than herself. Lmao. She gets off on seeing you cry tbh. I think she can be gentle and sweet and loving in bed, but that’s very intimate to her, so I think you’d have to be her lover. If you’re a random hook up, pfffttt… good luck, you‘ll feel sore, everywhere. Honestly into a lot of rough, and kinky things, she a sadist, and isn’t going to lie about it. Will do aftercare though, 100% even if you are some one night stand. She’s kind of quiet when she does aftercare with a hook up, but with her lover, she’s just going to casually, talk to you, about anything as she cleans you up rubs you with lotion.

She smells like vanillin and sandalwood, just naturally.

I think Valeria likes to dress more gender neutral, very, simple but expensive clothes she can replace. She doesn’t flaunt her money or spend it needlessly. She’s good with money in general. She does spend her money but within reason, and quietly. Probably more of an asset and stocks person.

I think her family knows what she does, but it’s not spoken about, they have very mixed feelings about it. Her mom actually showed her some semblance of actual concern for once. Valeria had VERY mixed feelings about that.

NSFW— one day at church (she’s catholic like canonly) Valeria and this one girl kept like looking at each other, you know where you stare at the person until they catch you looking? Yeah that. After mass, and everyone left, Valeria fucked her in the pews. Valeria had to regrets.

Valeria is honestly confused about how she feels about religion, despite practicing it since she was a kid. She believes in god but hates the church, but yet, still very much goes to church and practices Catholicism. She also knows she can’t atone for her sins but in some way it brings her peace and like some semblance of stability. But she also can’t stand the Catholic Church. She honestly doesn’t know how to feel about it, so she kind of just doesn’t think about it anymore.

Now, she doesn’t hate white people, but she definitely has mixed feelings towards them, since they’ll come to vacation in Mexico, or buy a vacation home for cheap, and than the start of gentrification starts. She has a particular mixed feelings towards white Americans, she knows not all of them believe in the whole build a wall and all Mexicans are criminals, thing, but.. she just can’t help but just feel kind of… annoyed? Not saying she wouldn’t have a white partner, but she definitely would want to know your views for sure.

Her opinions on cartels before she became who she was a grey area. Cartels to her are honestly just another way of making money. She knows how many workers are exploited in Mexico and the US, and for what? To take home maybe 200 dollars, if that, after a ten hour work day? To her drugs are honestly a long term business. For centuries, people have used drugs, of some sort. It makes money, and a lot of it. Now most cartels usually give back to the community, whether its simply a tactic or because they genuinely want to give back, they help the community. Now that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have it’s negatives, or consequences, and domino effect. So it was a mixed bag for Valeria, but she believed, a win is win.

Not everyone likes the cartel and she doesn’t blame them, she’s not the type to kill those who speak ill about her. Now wether you cause problems or not is different.

Had a emo phase in middle/high school

Loves painting her nails, and manicures, hates cuticles with a burning passion.

Had a crusty white dog growing, up. It died when she was in her early twenties, and she’s actually never had a dog since.

She was a weird kid growing up, like she was tomboyish but that’s not weird. She just liked being in the dirt by herself for HOURS, digging up worms or random insects.

She confused v@gina and p3nis. Like she thought her brother’s had v@gina’s and she had a p3nis. She thought this like up until she was 12. Lmao.

History nerd. Also watched Naruto, one piece, and sailor moon a lot growing up. Dressed up as Sasuke one year for Halloween.

Selena, Menudo, and Juan Gabriel. We’re her favorite artist to listen to growing up. Had a crush on Selena and Beyoncé.

Valeria is tough, she can take a hit, she can fight. She was in the military, and a cartel boss, she’s seen something’s, and been through something’s. But she swears to god, nothing gives her more trauma or anxiety than those bounce houses. She was fighting for her life at family gatherings and all the parents did were laugh it off. This is just for some reason a universal experience for Hispanic and Latino children, I literally can not tell you why.

Hitched hiked once.

Has a weird fear of deer?

Her dad keeps her graduation picture in his wallet.

At her communion she drank too much wine, and had to swallow her vomit because of how bad it tasted to her. Also she received ten rosaries, three cross necklaces, two pairs of cross earrings and a cross bracelet. She has them all still.

Had a pet hamster, treated him like it was her child. Named him Julio because she got him in July… Julio is July in Spanish. She was a funny kid growing up.

Wants to get married but doesn’t really want kids. If you really want kids, she’d consider, but she also would have to think about giving the cartel over to someone else. She’s honestly wouldn’t want her child involved or even connected to the cartel so she’d probably leave if you guys decided to have children. Also, its a no to pregnancy for her.

She won’t admit it, but she has very low standards when it comes to women. She just likes women. I think she does prefer chubby girls though, and I’m not saying like oh you have a little tummy, no she like big women, she can’t explain it, she just likes ya’ll. But that doesn’t mean she’s not attracted to other body types, she loves all women bodies, she kind of has this artist and muse thing when she sees women’s bodies.

Valeria watches soap operas with her grandma still.

Omfg this was so long??? Lmao I’m so sorry. Also I’m still trying to figure out my theme and how to do everything so forgive me if it looks ugly. Also pleas forgive my grammar, and punctuation mistakes, English is my first language and I am a disappointment to many English teachers across the world. Funny enough English is my best subject and I have a 98 in my class, so I’m just a contradiction. -jelly 🪼

#cod modern warfare #cod mw2 #cod x reader #cod mwii #cod mw3 #valeria cod #valeria garza #valeria x reader #valeria mw2 #call of duty valeria #valeria headcanons #valeria x you

[a-wolfs-bad-moon-rising]

Modern Teacher Buddha x Depressed Student Reader

I can’t even remember what day it is. Yes I can, it’s Wednesday. I just don’t care. I don’t really want the weekend to come. I hate school at the same time like being here over home. I had friends, but they didn’t understand. I started feeling bad years ago, so they haven’t noticed I’ve been off for so long. My parents of course just think it’s my age. And maybe it is. Well not mostly that’s for sure. Yeah the anxiety and worsening body image probably didn’t help. But I know it was before that. I am so bubbly at school though.

Sometimes I wanna kick myself for saying ‘I’m fine’ or ‘I’m doing well!’ whenever someone asks me how I’m doing. Like no I’m not. And sometimes I just wanna stop and say ‘You know what I’m not fine’

I just want to cry and get it all out. But I don’t. I just carry on. School, home, some after school or weekend stuff. It all blurs. Sometimes I feel my best in my religions class. It’s an elective I had to take because I waited too long to select my classes and all the other ones were closed. Even if I don’t really care what we’re learning that day, I love my teacher. Buddha we call him but his last name is Mr. Guatama. He’s just such an interesting teacher. He’s so casual and laid back. Sometimes honestly he’s a little lazy about his teaching, but I love his class so much I don’t care. He’s so friendly to me. One time I took some candy off his desk from this bowl he had and he came in and IMMEDIATELY noticed it was gone. He threated to give us a quiz and give us all F’s for it if no one came forward.

I was really surprised the next day I came in and my grade was a lot lower. So after school I went and bought him a bag of candy and kept it in my bag until everyone left. Then I went up to his desk. I can still remember the conversation. 

‘M-Mr. Guatama?’ He usually didn’t make me nervous because he was so nice but the fact he actually punished everyone, I thought he was really mad. He looked up at me his eyes a little confused. I kept to myself a lot and didn’t usually talk in class unless he forced me.

‘Yes (Y/N)?’ He asked. I held up the bag and looked away.

‘I b-bought you some new candy, because I took yours yesterday.’ The other part was barely audible.

I think he actually forgot about it because he didn’t get it at first and looked at me up and down. Then it clicked.

‘Ohhhh it was YOU?!’ He said in his loud voice. I nodded 

‘I’m sorry I thought it was for everyone. I didn’t mean to’ I said sheepishly. He laughed

‘Oh my dear I forgot about that’ He laughed again ‘You could’ve gone the whole year and I never would have caught on.’ 

I tilted my head at him.

‘But you said you’d fail us and then our grades were lower today.’ Now he looked confused.

‘Eh?’ He went through his computer and after a few clicks he said ‘Ah here you are.’ He looked for a few seconds and then looked back at me taking his glasses off. 

‘Oh you forgot to turn in three assignments’ He said.

I deadpanned. ‘Oh…..’ He erupted again laughing and wiped his eyes. 

‘(Y/N) I WISH I could do that.’ He kept on

‘Thank you for the candy I do appreciate it,’ I felt my heart swell, ‘Here y’know what just turn in what you missed and I’ll fix your grade it’ll be like nothing happened.’ He said smiling and I got all flustered. 

‘Thank you I’ll do that tonight!’ I told him

‘Alright get on home then’. He said, giving me a wink. I blushed and ran out muttering another goodbye. From that day on, he would target me. Sometimes embarrass me in class but never in a way that humiliated me. And he’d say hi to me in the hall. It felt nice having that. 

Whenever he was eating the candy I bought him, he’d give me an ‘angry’ stare and eat carefully. 

Yeah his class helped a lot with what I was going though. I needed more of that comfort. Sometimes I wanted to go to him and spill my guts to him. 

I just felt so much at ease and my anxiety would dissipate when I was in his class. I wanted a dad like him. 

Things were getting worse lately and it made my mood more depressed. I dragged my feet more. My focus was bad and if I did talk it sounded dull. I didn’t think anyone noticed, I barely felt like I was there. 

Today was the worst and I couldn’t hide anything. In Buddha’s class, I sat with my head in my hand barely keeping up. I don’t think I heard a word of what he said. Which was surprising. I hadn’t seen it but he kept looking worriedly at me all class long. He also didn’t poke fun at me. No one really noticed because he poked fun at a lot of people. When class dismissed I stood up and trudged towards the door. I was moving slowly, even packing up my bag so everyone was almost out. 

A hand clamped on my shoulder. I jumped at the contact and faced Buddha. He looked shocked at my violent reaction and moved to shut the door. He pulled a chair next to his desk.

‘Sit down.’ He said softly. I perked up at this, he usually spoke so boldly, I never heard him sound so…careful. 

I sat down and dropped my bag to the floor. I felt awkward looking at him.

‘(Y/N) are you okay?’ I looked at him for a bit, I was shocked he paid that much attention.

‘Just all week you looked so quiet and upset. I always thought you were shy, but you look exhausted.’ He said. I opened and closed my mouth. I felt the tears coming but I held out. 

‘And I just touched your shoulder and you looked so frightened I didn’t expect such a bad reaction.’

‘T-There’s just a lot.’ I started. ‘I d-don’t know how to…how to explain it, I’m. I’m just uh, going through a hard time.’ I looked away from him. I turned my head up to stop the tears for a moment. I didn’t know what else to do. 

He put his hand on my knee and I jumped again. He pulled back. He looked really upset himself.

Then he put his hand back on my knee and said. ‘I’m sorry’ Right then I felt like he understood.

‘You can always talk to me.’ He said never looking away.

‘Really?’ 

‘Of course’

‘Even right now?’ He nodded at me and squeezed my knee. And then  I began

For a bit I tried dancing around what I really meant, but he connected the dots and asked me the truth. I told him. I told him so much and God the more I said the more my heart felt free and less heavy. I held in so much for God only knows how long and he listened to every word. Every now and then he said he was sorry or squeezed my knee again. 

Then I started crying. My voice kept quivering but until the end I held my tears back. Then the shame kicked in and I stopped talking and cried into my hands. 

He stood abruptly and pulled me up. I still didn’t look at him as he pulled me into a hug. He held me against him, one hand rubbing my back the other holding my head. After a while I moved my hands from my eyes and hugged him back. I kept crying into his shirt. Then he kissed my head. And I stopped crying. He did it a couple more times until I calmed down. When He pulled away to look at me I could barely look back. 

‘(Y/N), you’re a smart, beautiful, young woman. And all that you went through just makes you stronger. Please don’t hold back you can vent to me whenever you need it.’ I nodded at him and wiped my nose. I panicked when I saw the mess I left on his shirt. 

‘I’m so sorry!’ I felt so guilty

‘Oh don’t be’ He was trying to reassure me

‘I’ve had worse squirted on me.’ We were both quiet for a second.

‘Okay FUCK that came out wrong.’ And I laughed. Hard. He looked at me surprised.

‘You have such a cute laugh when it’s genuine.’ He commented. I blushed at him.

‘Thank you Buddha.’ I said. Now he really laughed at me. 

‘Whaaat?’ He asked. I blushed again.

‘That’s what you call me that’s great.’ I laughed with him. Then I got a little sad. 

‘I guess I should go home now.’ I said he looked at me empathetically. 

‘I’m always here for you (Y/N).’ He told me hugging me again.

‘Promise?’

‘I promise’

~~~~~Time Skip~~~~~~

‘Omg omg omg omgggg!!!’ I exclaimed running up to Buddha. I jumped onto him and hugged him. He chuckled. 

‘Good news?’

‘The best!’ He waited for me to answer.

‘I got into my first choice college!’ I was so excited. He spun me around

‘Ayyyye I knew you could do it.’ It was him though, he helped me boost my grades and with applications and gave me constant reassurance. He had given me his number so I could text him when I needed him. 

‘I need to pack, I need to get my books I need to BUY BED CURTAINS.’ I spoke dramatically He laughed at me.

‘(Y/N) it’s not until the fall calm down’ He said ruffling my hair. I smiled up at him.

‘Thank you so much’ 

‘It was all you.’

‘But I needed your help’ I told him.

‘Promise you’ll come visit me?’ I asked looking up at him.

He smiled.

‘I promise’

#buddha x reader #fiction #modern record or ragnarok #ror #shuumatsu no valkyrie #teacher buddha #student reader #highschool au #buddhaxreader

[loemius]

i hope it’s alright to ask you this, but i have no idea who to ask. my english teacher is making us do a project, where we have to pick a hellenic god to ‘replace’ zeus + dress up as them. i am very very new to hellenism, so i am not very knowledgeable. is there a way to do this in a respectful manner? i don’t think i can opt out of this since it is a school project for a core class. i apologize if this is a very random ask

khaire anon! thank you for this ask! i'd love to try to help, although i will state outright that i am by no means an expert on hellenism and this is my opinion to the best of my knowledge at the moment. i don't really think there's a way to do this respectfully. the idea of replacing Zeus as king is so heretical to Hellenist beliefs. Zeus is the rightful king by conquest. if you're not familiar with the story, here are the bare bones, according to Hesiod's Theogony: Kronus, the titan, takes over as the ruler of the cosmos after castrating his father, Ouranos. he marries his sister, Rhea, and they have some kids: Hestia, Demeter, Hera, Haides, Poseidon, and finally, Zeus. Kronus was prophesied by his parents, Gaia and Ouranos, that one of his children would overthrow him just as he did to Ouranos, so he swallows them all one by one. rhea, pregnant with Zeus, is very upset about this, so she goes to her parents who tell her to give birth in secret, give the baby to Gaia to raise, and then give Kronus a stone to swallow. she does this, Kronus swallows the stone, and Zeus is raised apart from his family in Krete. other sources vary on this, as they always do with Hellenism because it is such a vast religion. anyway, Zeus grows up and forces his father to vomit back out his siblings and the stone he swallowed. Zeus sets up the stone at Delphi (this stone is called omphalos) and then frees the cyclopes and starts a war with the Titans. this goes on for about 10 years until Zeus gets some advice from Gaia to free the hecatoncheires (hundred-handers in English) and they help him in the war. by hurling thunderbolts alongside the hecatoncheires, Zeus ends the war with the titans and establishes himself as the rightful king of the cosmos. his rule is then challenged, but sources on this vary. Apollodorus says that there was a war between the gods and the giants next, but Hesiod says Zeus was challenged by the monster Typhon. really, the story you find to be true is up to you and your worship, but it's a commonality that Zeus's rule is challenged after being established and he still comes out on top. there is a possibility that your teacher is taking issue with Zeus's long history of conquest of women, which is understandable but i find to lack cultural context. it's not that Zeus is some womanizer or rapist -- he reflects the dominant attitude about men and marriage at the time, which was that men could go out and have a few different partners and kids but the women had to stay at home and watch over the household and be very faithful. this is part of why Hera's mythology is the way it is; she is his other half in this regard. nevertheless, to insinuate that one of the other gods should replace Zeus is so blasphemous to Hellenistic belief. certainly not everyone is super tight with Zeus; i’m not, i’m much closer to Apollon, but i respect and honor and praise Zeus as the king of the gods, as does... literally just about everyone. it’s an established thing that he is the king, he earned that right by conquest, and there’s a ton of good things that the Greeks had to say about Zeus. he’s the king of xenia (hospitality) and presides over civil justice and democracy along with his daughter Athena. Zeus and his son Apollon are both identified with the agathos daimon (good spirit) who invokes good luck, health, and protection onto the household. Zeus is often seen as a father figure or a protector. trying to insinuate that he should not be the king completely ignores the actual worship of Zeus and what he’s known for, as well as the cultural context surrounding him and his escapades. now i’m petty so if i were you i’d just write a paper on why Zeus is the rightful king and show up as him anyway, but that’s just me. nevertheless, i wish you well on your academic adventures and hope my answer helped. may the Theoi bless you!

#my asks #my posts #helpol #zeus deity #zeus

[diaryofalonelygirlsworld]

I’ve had several english teachers over the course of 6 years secondary school that i had a crush on. 3 to be precise.

The first one was my first love. I think. Either that or a very intense obsession. Anywho, he was gorgeous (in many girls’ eyes) and tall. He was about 24 and i was 14. But i was already crushing on him before he was my teacher. He was kind, passionate and a good teacher. He also always smelled divine, fuck if i knew what perfume he wore. I’d inhale his scent like it was a drug. Basically i worshipped him like he was a god. It literally felt like a celebrity crush. He seemed soooo unattainable. Like he was galaxies out of my league. But he had this cute little interest for everything spanish (which i also am) so that made me think he liked me more than my other classmates. (Delulu i know). But also i was a good student and wanted to show him that. English was my favourite subject. This man starred in over a thousand dreams of mine. He was always on my mind. I looked for him in a crowd, kept eye contact for excrutiatingly long moments until HE was the one who looked away during class. He’d always smile, wink or say hey to me when he saw me in study hall waiting to be picked up. I’ll always be a lil obsessed with him. I will never forget about him. He even knows i had a crush on him cause i messaged him after graduating confessing to him. He reacted so awesome about it.

The second one was a woman, fresh out of uni, 24 ish, i was 15. My first female teacher crush. She was cute and new and inexperienced and i wanted to fight the world for her. We chatted sometimes before or after class, or when she had courtyard duty. We’d bond over True Blood or books and shows. Pretty innocent.

The third one is the most confusing crush to me. He was not particulary handsome or anything, but he had something charming about him. He had a kinda mousy look about him. He was such a dork. He loved the english literature so much! He’d studied in Oxford and actually spoke with a British English accent which was neat. He was obsessed with Shakespeare and tea. He always had tea on his desk. He dressed a bit dorky which only made him more likable and adorable in my eyes. I don’t think i ever saw him in jeans. Always slacks and a sweater. We weren’t allowed to speak our native tongue in his class so he’d act all English-speaking-police like. So he’d prance around the classroom eavesdropping in on our conversations to confirm we all spoke English. But you see there are times where it would seem like he was genuinely interested in me, making remarks or wondering about what religion i believed in, he’d come to my desk when i came back to school after being sick asking me what i had and if i was doing better. When we were on a school trip (and i made sure to sit close to him) he saw us play on the ipad and wanted to join in on the fun. There was a photo of a muscular man’s back and he said his looked exactly the same. To which i sassily said “you wish” and he looked back at me and smiled the biggest grin. *sigh* i loved making him smile or laugh. He also offered to take a picture of me with my camera when he saw me try to take a selfie by my own. And like the idiot i am i declined. Should have said yes and taken one of us together but no i’m too socially inept. When it was nearing the last days of school before graduation he told me he was going to be at a specific bookstore at a specific time and basically implied that i could come. (Or me and my desk buddy, can’t recall, but i’d like to believe he meant to ask only me). I didn’t go, naturally, but that’s another conversation. Also wherever i sat in the classroom, he’d always hover nearby. He’d use the empty desk bordering mine as his station and would often pass by me. Leaning on his elbows right next to my face. If i were to turn my face towards him, i would have kissed him. Thát’s how close he was. He’d often pick me to read aloud. I had the impression he liked me as a student. Maybe i was even his favourite one, as i was the only one to show interest and was attentive in his class, not to mention i was a good student. I can also proudly say i managed getting and giving him 3 kisses on the cheek at my graduation while giving him a rose as a thanks. (Every teacher got one, but i volunteered to be the one to give him his).

Which is why i thought it strange that he never replied to my facebook messages. He did congratulate me and my sister on a new development in our lives. So that shows he cares, right??

#personal #teacher attachment #teacher crush #tc community #teacher crush community

[jw-horror-stories]

Ooh, I love telling my JW stories!!

1. (tw familial abuse) First off, I was lucky enough to not have had other kids my age in our congregation, so I wasn't really pressured into baptism. I got out when I was 16,it was a bit messy but no comparison to how it would have gone had I been baptised.

2. My mom was actually allowed to get a divorce! But only after she wrote to Bethel. My father was abusive to everyone in our family (my mother as well, but not quite as bad as him). She asked the elders in oir congregation to be allowed to get a divorce, but they didn't allow it. My older sister just turned 18 (I was a toddler, my younger brother a baby) and threatened my mom to go to CPS and try and get custudy for me and my siblings. So my mother wrote to Bethel, told them about everything and they allowed he to get a divorce. It was really messy and we had to go to a different congregation.

3. Said sister was disfellowshipped when I was 4 for having a boyfriend. Until then I had spent almost every day and night either with her or my other sister. From one day to the next I wasn't allowed to see her anymore and basically only then started living with my mom and my brother.

4. My elementary school teacher bullied me for being JW and poor. That's not JW fault (she also did this to the only muslim kid in my class and another poor kid) but it still sucks.

5. When I was 12 two elder (both over 50) talked to me about my nail polish. They said that it was really disrespectful to tempt men like that and asked if I wanted to be a stumbling block or viewed as a whore.

6. I actually don't have much to tell about evolution, because it was only briefly mentioned in my science lessons. The teachers knew about our religion, so I wrote one sentence at the end of the test (something like "scientists believe..., but I believe the bible") and that was done.

6. I do however remember how I debated pro life in politics class. Like the good jw I was I usually didn't really participate in our politics lessons, only enough to get an ok grade. But I cann still feel how my heart was beating because I was so horrified that my classmates were okay with "killing babies" (while praying for God to kill everyone who isn't jw).

7. I also remember when I was 11 (?) and I finally found two friends in school (who I was only allowed to see in school and for schoolwork) that I thought how nice it would be if someone killed them, because then they would be resurrected (also thought that the kindest thing to do would be if one person decided to kill as many people as possible, because they themselves would not get into paradise, but they would help others, because if you have already been resurrected it would be easier to decide FOR the truth). You know, normal kids thoughts...

8. I was constantly terrified that I would have unforgivable thoughts. I always had a "what if..?"-mind, so as a very young child I thought about "what if this is the dream and our dreams are the real world?" "How do we know what's real?" and stuff like that and I always had doubts in my mind (although of course I did everything to suppress them). When I learned that blasphemy was unforgivable and that a lot of stuff is considered blasphemy in jw circles I was even more afraid of my own mind.

9. One time my mom found my brother's Yu-Gi-Oh cards and freaked out because ot would certainly invite demons into our home. (I was slightly better at hiding my stuff)

10. Also, my family is convinced that my father invited demons into our home because he read Stephen King.

11. When I went to 7th grade I had to choose between learning French or Latin. I always wanted to learn Latin because I always had athing for ancient languages and "useless" knowledge. But my mom said that I would only need Latin if I wanted to go to college so I had to choose French. I had 5 years of French, hated every second of it and now that I could actually use it, I have to relearn everything because I forgot everything. Now I really like it btw, but now its purpose is;vt to keep me from acquiring "the wisdom of men".

You're among the more fortunate. This is good.

I'm actually quite surprised they Guv'Body actually relented.

Separating families. Classic Guv'Body technique.

That's messed up. Though sadly I don't have any words of advice regarding teachers abusing students (I'm here for Jehovah's Witness Horror Stories, not School Horror Stories).

Honestly by this point the Elders are most likely projecting their own sexual desires. In layman's terms I think they may be pedophiles themselves.

(You put 6 twice so I'll just merge the two). It's amazing how one's cult programming can bleed into everyday life. I like to think that it's this very same bleeding that caused me to start asking questions.

That's the very same hypothetical I've brought up on at least one occasion regarding logical extremes. Believing that the dead will simply await judgement after Armageddon, etc etc. A horrific proposition, if you ask me.

It's stuff like this that makes it easy to scare people into submission. Make someone unable to trust their own instincts, and they'll cling to anything and anyone who acts as their "leader". A dictator's favourite pasttime.

I've basically just learned never to share my interests beyond the barest of descriptions because of this.

I've heard of several regimes that would try to snuff out literature. They rhyme with "Mittler", "Chtalin", and "Meow".

Reading Latin would've helped you read some of the older Bible literature, and therefore poke holes into JW theology. I FEEL LIKE I SEEN THIS SOMEWHERE.

-Degurechaff, dropping the "Mod" prefix.

#mod degurechaff #jehovah's witnesses #jwhs #jehovah's witness #jehovah's witness horror stories

[liroutrozenberg]

I saw a mention, do you have sketches for the Dragon Age Inquisition in the institute's AU or something like that? Sorry for my bad english!

Don't write if you don't like the idea.

DAMN YES

Cassandra: She's the warden and the chief enforcer of preventive violence against the group, because yes. I am sure that she has all the notes and the teachers love her despite the fact that sometimes she makes hasty decisions. Most likely involved in athletics. And you will be forced to play sports, because it is good for health.

Solas: Exchange student and damn good at drawing. A bit turned on religion and you can definitely say that he has a plan for the whole world. In general, he is quite friendly, you can often hear him talking to teachers on elevated topics.

Dorian: The one you'll be skipping classes with. The most fashionable and no one can argue with that. He entered to move away from his family. You can discuss everything with him, starting with classes and ending with questions about what insult is the most offensive. Sometimes you get the urge to beat his father with a baseball bat.

Sera: A cheerful girl who constantly participates in all sorts of performances, just to avoid going to class. Several times she disrupted classes at the entire institute and she had nothing for it, because she was simply not found. Another student who will be happy to keep you company in skipping classes.

Blackwall: One of the quietest in your group. And very kind, in fact. You can discuss important matters with him. You can be sure that he will not betray you to teachers if you said or did something that they would not like. He will simply ask you to be careful if this happens again.

Iron Bull: He is on a sports team and it's not surprising. Will cover your butt if you just want to sit in the gym instead of working out. Easy-going and for the most part glad to take part in the next madness. It also comes with a team. The latter are glad to see you no less than their captain and will never betray you to teachers.

Johefina: Responsible person. Very. Contacts all teachers and other courses, if necessary, and it is almost always there. If you ask, she will put that you were in class (even if you were not), but you will have to promise her that this will not happen again. Do not upset her and you will be happy.

Cullen: First and foremost, he definitely sang in the church choir when he was younger. And you know it. It's your choice to make fun of him because of this or not. The person is calm and responsible, although sometimes he succumbs to your provocations and skips classes. Maybe he was on drugs.

Varric: History teacher. You will know everything, even the most obscene and strange details of this world - this is guaranteed. And you know, he is a very good teacher! Because a bad teacher does not wake up the entire audience for more than a hundred people. You can arrange exams with him and he will definitely listen to you if some shit happens in your life.

About the little things:

You have a common Discord server where everyone complains, sends homework and just spends time.

Your favorite place to skip classes is a cafe a few streets from the university.

Sometimes you come across such intrigues that you dream of being expelled. But Cassandra and Josephine won't let it.

"why, no matter what happens, your group is always on the scene?"

#cullen rutherford #leliana #josephine montilyet #lady Montilyet #advisors #advisers reaction #dragon age companions #companions reaction #dragon age reactions #dragon age inquisition #Cassandra Pentaghast

[ayameyumesaki]

Tokyo Babylon - CLAMP Premium Collection - Commentary Part 12

Previous Part First Part Next Part

Welcome to the latest installment of this commentary, that we finally reached the halfway of this story. I don't know what hits me to do this thing but, 3 months are pretty long isn't it? At this rate, I will finish this commentary by the end of the year lol

Anyway, FINALLY, Save.B. Oh my, a classy, beautiful chapter about high school problems that was solved in a not-so-nice way by a certain triangle bastard. Of course, it's a sarcasm.

Ah, a classy, normal chapter cover by Subaru biting his student card. Is it even legal? Is it okay??? Also his shoulder turning triangle doesn't look fine. Someone please stop him from hanging out with Seishiro.

Let's start the chapter!

Where were we last time? Oh right, Subaru infiltrated MS Institute, Hokuto told Seishiro about him and he had a hilarious expression regarding that. So, we started the chapter with Nagi Kumiko (bolding this becuase her name and Hashimoto's is similar) giving a quite religious lecture.

She said, inside everyone, there is a God. The reason why everyone can do their best in their situation is because all of them have a God within themselves. The students are great existences by itself. Please be confident about yourself, please be kind to yourself. There is no one unneeded in this world; everyone is Gods, everyone is an only existence.

That's why, please forgive yourself. Please forgive anyone else. Then, please be strong.

I don't want to comment much about her seemingly nice speech, but do I believe her words or not? I do agree that each human is their own being, that each of us is different from the others, and because of that, we should treasure and be kind to ourselves. But her words that say "everyone each is a God" is quite..... I don't know how to say that. Off? It depends on how they view themselves, and this is what makes this lecture seemed to be strange.

First, I must explain how religions work in Japan. If you saw several asking videos to Japanese people about religion, they would confused. But they do believe that God exists. God is still a part of Japanese people's belief---they would come to shrines every New Year and pray for health, they would pray to the God every exams (lol), some of their holidays are dedicated towards God (Spring and Autumn Equinox, for examples) and finally, they also go to shrines after giving birth, when their children reach 3, 5 and 7 years old, and adopted Buddhist's style for the funeral. They, however, didn't notice it, because unlike countries that has religion as their basic principle, no one actually taught them about "God". They probably only thought that God is an entity beyond them, and that's it.

So, as the conception of God is different in Japan and probably other part of the world, Kumiko-sensei here used the fact that Japanese people doesn't understand the conception of God in their life to make them believe that they themselves are "God".

But the thing is, if they are one by one is a God, why should they listen to someone else? Why should they forgive someone else? Doesn't this explanation become contradictive?

Yes, if the listeners are sane enough to think right. The students came here are those who are depressed, troubled, and probably half-giving up their lives. And they are students ranged from middle school to high school---they are easy to be influenced by medias.

Damn, I can make an essay of this topic alone.

Let's move on. So everyone was kind of amazed by her words, and came to her, except for Subaru and Kuniko.

Subaru was, probably amazed and confused, as how she could make her students moved without raising her voice or forcing them to it. He then noticed another person that wasn't affected by the teacher's words😭😭 damn, it's so cute huhu

Kuniko was looking down, so Subaru glanced at her and when she noticed him, HE SMILED CUTELY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 KUNIKO WAS LIKE, "Don't touch me!" AND SUBARU PANICKED 😭😭😭 CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE

After that, the class ended and the teacher before called both Subaru and Kuniko to Kumiko's office.

Look at how ma boy seeming to be so nervous around woman. Kumiko told Subaru to not be nervous, and asked him what he thought about the institute. Subaru replied by "there are a lot of middle and high schoolers."

Then, she began to explain her view, that a religion is a "believing power"---if we believe at something, it will be our support to keep living. She said that the support she mentioned before could be religion, and the ones that needed this support the most is students. She then said, the belief about "children have no worries" is a lie. Children, just like adults, can't give up at something, that's why they have more serious, innocent worries. She said she wants to save such children.

She then told Subaru that he must have worries that he couldn't tell anyone as well, so she wanted to help him as well. She then talked to Kuniko as well and told her that their meeting in the park before isn't a coincidence, that helping her makes her happy. But Kuniko told her that she did what she taught her---doing her best praying, loving herself, but nothing changed. No one helped her in the class. :(

This teacher, then, told her that her praying isn't enough. The result shouldn't be hurried. She then said she knew that her classmates' attacks is hurting her, but she should believe that she can endure it. And she should forgive those people. Then Kuniko stopped fighting against her.

WELL, SENSEI. This is the thing... Praying without giving an effort to try it is also wrong. You won't get anywhere just by praying. I don't know which religion did you refer to but, miss, please. She is pretty much a con artist at this point---telling someone that he/she is a God, but she also said her prayers aren't enough. Maybe this is why her targets are children, hmmm.

At least, Subaru wasn't getting into her words, he even gave a comment that "this person, rather than a leader of a cult, she is like a music teacher"😭 and Kuniko-chan questioned her teachings. That's good.

The next day, Kuniko was confronted by her classmates for not coming to school (wtf indeed) and they bullied her as usual. But one of the girl happened to see a Subaru from a far (😂) and they ran away from the scene, leaving Kuniko alone.

Then Subaru, who is taking a stroll (like what the hell is he doing there, taking a stroll, when he needs to catch up school 😭 but it's cute and break is needed every other time so he is forgiven) saw Kuniko coming out from the trees and was surprised by it.

Subaru saw her wounds and asked her what happened, but Kuniko, probably hasn't realized it's a new friend she made in MS Institute and as he is still a stranger, told Subaru to get away and accidentally scratched his face ;;;;;;; Subaru didn't evade it, and received it, so Kuniko was surprised.

Yes, Subaru's tendency to accept wounds. Maybe Seishiro is right for questioning how he didn't die yet for given his personality lol

And then this whole scene 😭😭😭😭 Subaru took out the handkerchief that I believe to be made by Hokuto (because it has S initial) and the thing he said is, "my sister washed it yesterday so it's okay!". Kuniko was touched by Subaru's act of kindness and Subaru thought he should say something else, so he told her, "This is also ironed well!" and when Kuniko didn't respond him again, he proceeded to say "Di---did I say something strange???" 😭😭😭 CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE

Setting aside the plot, appreciation to how well this scene is written and how pretty Subaru's clothes that day. Subaru was extra pretty in this panel. I want to know what clothes Hokuto used, since she loves to use pairing clothes with Subaru.

Go back to the plot,

They then sat down in the swings where Subaru accompanied Kuniko. Kuniko asked why Subaru was there, then he replied that he happened to see it in the magazine. Kuniko explained that she met Kumiko in this park after she was bullied. She then said such bullying isn't cute; everyday, she was being hated and punched. The adults thought it was just a child fight, but when someone is punched and hurted, it's not a fight anymore, but an abuse.

Subaru asked if she told the teachers about that, but everyone said the same thing: "it's because you aren't assertive enough", "you are responsible for that as well". She then cried while saying "why am I being hated by the girls have to do with me not being assertive? What responsibility I have that I should be punched and stepped on?"

Then, that one sus teacher told her that "Kuniko-chan being bullied is because you don't know about yourself. You should love yourself more, and believe in yourself. There's no way that people won't understand each other. That's why, I know it's hard for you, but let's pray for yourself". That's why she prayed hard, that's why she came to study at MS Institute. But nothing changed, and she is still bullied.

It's a pretty sad scene... I didn't explain this in previous chapter, but as you know, bullying in Japan is pretty serious. If someone doesn't get into a circle, that's how they got bullied. Because they didn't belong to any party. Japanese people live by the feeling of belonging to a community, which is why they have what was said to be "honne" (one's true self) and "tatemae" (one's mask). This sense of belong to a circle lessened nowadays, but those who couldn't bring themselves to get into a circle was bullied. The bullying is often even more severe than what Kuniko went through, to the point they chose suicide or hiding themselves inside their room. This problem isn't solved yet even until now.

And what I love the most is Subaru's response to Kuniko's story.

Subaru lent Kuniko his jacket, and he told her, that he is sorry because he didn't know what to say.

"You told me such a story... But I know I don't understand even one per 10 billion of what Kuniko feels, so I don't know what to say."

His words and actions are simple, but I realized that, it was what Kuniko needed. For someone to not justify their ideals on her, for someone to actually listen to her story, and saying that she is being hurt to someone else is okay. I learned from him that not everyone wants to be given the solution, that they are okay with just being listened to. People thought, that once they were told someone's problem, they would like a solution. But no. Sometimes, they just wanted to be heard. Sometimes, they just wanted to be consoled by soothing words, that told them that their pain is okay, that they are allowed to say their pain.

For me, this is one of the most powerful scenes in Tokyo Babylon. Subaru is strong in his own way, and that power lies in his belief. And the words Subaru gave to her, is what makes her able to move forward. She conveyed her gratitude to Subaru's words.

Next scene! Hokuto and Seishiro were baking cookies when Subaru excused himself to go out. The song Hokuto sings tho, it's pretty hilarious 😭 Her song's lyrics is, "I'm a cute housewife. Wednesday and Friday are unburnable trash day. I'm also attending city's wife meeting la la" 😭😭 Damn, her desire of being a housewife.

Hokuto asked Subaru how is work and Subaru said there is no issue yet. So Hokuto gave him a cookie.

Subaru said the cookie is delicious and Hokuto was being happy LOL She then told Subaru to bring some as snack, and Subaru went out. Then Hokuto patted Seishiro's head as he didn't have much time to spend with Subaru as of lately.

Then, Seishiro asked Hokuto if it's okay for him to poison Subaru who has a strong moral and common sense, and Hokuto said "if it's Subaru, it's okay". But she added that if Seishiro made him crying...

"I will kill you."

My lady didn't joke around. She really threatened Seishiro with a baking knife and good to know she is holding into her words up until the end. CLAMP and their powerful women.

Anyway, the cookies was burned lol

Next! Subaru came to MS Institute and he asked Kuniko how her wounds. He also offered her the cookies Hokuto made and damn, the potential romance 😭

Damn, I would be whipped at the thought of Subaru. Totally can understand you, Kuniko.

Anyway, things happened after that. Kuniko was facing another bullying---this time, it was during art class. Her classmates were playing with her painting and she had enough when they decided to take Subaru's handkerchief and using it to wipe the paint.

So she began to fight back and attacked her classmates. She punched one of the girls and her other classmates tried to stop her. But one of the girls took her painting knife and stabbed her eye. She was bleeding so bad, but the first thing she did was grabbing Subaru's handkerchief---her memento of power, as it reminds her of Subaru's words. :(

It's pretty sad scene, but it tells us that Kuniko's newfound strength comes from Subaru's words that consoled her with his kindness. It's a sad, but it's also a powerful scene, showing growth from someone who is being bullied, to someone who can fight back.

Still, it's not CLAMP without eye stabbing, huh?

Next, Kumiko called Subaru to her office. Subaru thought he was being found out of coming here to investigate, but no.

Kumiko called him there to tell him that Kuniko was stabbed during class yesterday. Subaru was surprised, and...

Prepare yourself for another powerful scene in Tokyo Babylon.

He literally spilled the tea on the table and the teacher explained what actually happened to Subaru.

It was here that Subaru realized that her words are wrong. She told him that if Kuniko quitely endured the bullying, her friend wouldn't do such things to her. Her prayers aren't enough, and if it isn't enough, she wouldn't be able to become strong. One should be strong at heart and forgive everything. If one can't forgive a slight thing such us classmates' bullying, then she is weak.

She then told Subaru that she knew he had a power that differs him from normal people, and he was suffering from that power. She then told him to tell her his worries so he won't end up like Kuniko, and she wants to save him.

Subaru's response?

You can't save anyone.

He then asked her, "You aren't Hashimoto-san, but how come you can understand her heart!?"

He then asked her, "Where's the 'trivial part' about being bullied by classmates!? Why should we forgive classmates, who is the same age as us, but dared to punch and step on us!? How come you can understand a pain that you didn't experience yourself!?"

And his expression here? So beautiful.

He was saddened by the fact Kuniko's face is wounded. "A scar that wouldn't disappear from a girl's face. But you said that it's because her prayers aren't enough!?"

He then continued by, "You probably have a spiritual power which is stronger than normal people, but,"

"You, who doesn't understand someone else's pain but pretend to understand it, can't save anyone!"

Beautiful. Amazing. Talented.

Now, let's go to the most important question (😂).

Do I agree with Subaru's action? Yes. Do I agree with his belief? Pretty much yes but also confused

The thing is, I won't even question his belief IF I haven't read Crime chapter before this chapter. It's so funny because Subaru condemned someone wrong when he also doubted himself about similar matter a while ago.

While the two matters are clearly different, it revolved about the same theme: the meaning of saving someone to Subaru. In the Crime chapter, Subaru's mind was trying to save the mother from her own death caused by inugami. He believed that he should save the mother from finishing the curse, thus he lied about Mai's wish. He realized that he was wrong, and he even said it was for his own sake. In this chapter, Subaru condemned Kumiko for spitting nonsense about her belief of praying will save someone. He literally judged these two, despite the different situation, in the same way.

He judged them through his own belief.

Subaru has this belief of justice, that what he thought to be right and should be protected no matter what. This is why Seishiro told Hokuto if it's alright for him to poison someone with a strong sense of belief towards himself like Subaru, because, even Seishiro knew that Subaru's belief is stronger than anything else. Even more than his self-love.

While I also believed that Kumiko's words aren't right to address Kuniko's situation since she was hurt, and Subaru was right to be mad at her and told her that she spitted nonsense, I realized that he was that mad because in one side, he himself believed that Kuniko is hurting. If we go by Subaru's words, that no one can understand someone's pain as a whole, then why should he be mad at the teacher?

This is just the same as the Crime chapter; if he knew that telling a lie about the daughter's words is wrong, if his heart told him that it's wrong, why did he do that? Because it was the right thing to do at the moment, or simply, it's his belief that told him to lie.

It's pretty humanic. Subaru's portrayal in this scene is pretty human. It's common for us to lie when someone is seeking death, and it's common for us to be mad at someone who stepped on someone's effort to keep alive. We are shown here that Subaru is also the same like us, despite his abilities, which pretty interesting because this comes from someone with strong power.

And I believe that's what makes a certain triangle bastard amused and decided to come out at that moment.

What in the fuck are you doing here posing like a model next to the door, Sir. Subaru's "?" is so valid.

This one man literally came in, putting Subaru to sleep, and even told the teacher that he doesn't need to tell his name because she is going to die. He then said that through his investigation these past days, her spiritual power is true (if possible, can someone explain to me in which part her spiritual power is real??). Then Seishiro said since she built the cult 6 years ago, someone is confused. When Kumiko asked if he is confused, Seishiro said it isn't him and he isn't related to any cult. Then Kumiko asked "who is confused" and he replied with "Who is it?" in such a smirk lol.

(Continuation in the reblog!)

#tokyo babylon #sumeragi subaru #sakurazuka seishirou #clamp premium collection #sumeragi hokuto

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Yuu can do it!

Part 22

First<Previous>Next

Masterlist

The brand new side-shenanigans fic has come out so I'm going to plug it HERE

Enma wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he went to go pick up Kuroki and Grim from their class on yagujen, but it certainly wasn’t to find Ito with them.

He raised an eyebrow. “Weren’t you supposed to be in…” He trailed off, his eyebrows furrowing as he struggled to remember what their schedule was.

“Religion. And, yeah, I left. Professor Frollo’s vibes were off,” they said, their nose scrunching.

Kuroki mouthed that Enma shouldn’t ask and, for once, Enma decided that maybe there were questions he didn’t need the answers to.

“Can you transfer out?” He asked instead.

They shrugged. “Doubt it. Those contracts we signed seemed binding. But I saw – uh – B…B… letras… Vanrouge-senpai before I left, so I’ll just get the assignments from him.”

Enma nodded. There had been an empty seat next to him in his art class and the teacher hadn’t seemed concerned nor surprised, so it probably wasn’t a big deal to skip here.

But… he fought off the smirk threatening to play across his features as a terrible realization came to him. Enma sniffed and pretended to wipe a tear from his eye. “Wait, you could go anywhere and you went to hang out with him?”

“I’m Ito’s favorite,” Kuroki caught on quickly, grinning.

“You’re Ito’s favorite,” Enma nodded along.

Ito rolled their eyes. “It’s ‘cause, out of the two of you, I trust Enma to not get his ass kicked on the first day a lot more.”

Kuroki sputtered. “Hey! That’s only because of Grim!”

“And you’re the one that wanted him,” Ito reminded him, reaching over to poke his nose.

Grim gave them a look that would be more fitting if they had killed his child right in front of them. Since they did not, as far as Enma was aware, he thought the monster might be overreacting a little. “Everyone wants me.”

Ito hummed and patted the monster on the top of the head. “Very true. My mistake, Grim-sama.”

Grim nodded, easily placated.

Now this just wouldn’t do. Enma sniffed. “You don’t have to make excuses, Ito. Just say Kuorki is the favorite. I won’t hold it against you, promise.”

Ito groaned. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I can’t wait to go to work for Crowley. Fuck you guys.”

Kuroki gave them a disgusted look. “I’d rather not.”

Ito gave him a tiny shove. “I hate you both. Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.”

“No promises,” Grim said. At least he was self-aware.

“Yeah, I figured that was too much to hope for.”

~

“There really are chestnuts all over the place!” Grim said.

Which, thank you for stating the obvious, Grim. Enma hadn’t noticed. Honestly, you’d think they were playing a visual novel where the graphic designers hadn’t had enough budget to create another background. They could see the chestnut trees.

(Which, as far as he could tell, were perfectly normal. The chestnuts didn’t even seem to be larger than normal. Sad.)

Deuce grinned, pushing himself up from where he and Ace had been waiting under a tree. He held out a hand to help Ace up as well, but Ace ignored it.

“Took you guys long enough,” Ace teased. “Weren’t your guys’ classes closer than ours?”

Kuroki shrugged. “We were tormenting Ito.”

Deuce and Ace nodded sagely. Enma and Kuroki nodded back. An understanding had been met.

But, sadly, this couldn’t go on forever; Enma had work soon, so he reminded them all that they needed to get a move on at some point.

“So, 250, right? So divided by the five of us, that’s… 50 each, right?”

“Yeah,” Ace said. And then his eyes strayed to Grim and he grimaced. “Er… actually… it’ll probably be closer to 60 each, if we’re gonna be honest with ourselves.”

“The more the better! If we get enough, maybe we can have all-you-can-eat chestnut tarts! Let’s get to picking!” Grim launched himself from his usual spot and curled around Kuroki’s shoulders

“Wait,” Enma said, pulling a branch down to inspect it closer.

Kuroki’s hand shot out just in time to snag Grim by the tail. The monster squeaked and bounced back towards him like a rubber band. The four humans tuned out their friend’s complaints with practiced ease.

“They have thorns,” Enma pointed out.

Deuce frowned, leaning closer. “Didn’t know chestnuts had those… we should probably get some gloves. I don’t think we can pick those up with our bare hands.”

“You can do it if you’re not a coward,” Kuroki said. He pulled one from the branch, and Enma watched as his friend experienced all of the stages of grief in real time. Tiny beads of blood spilled between his fingers. “... I have made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment.”

~

Deuce and Kuroki had to go find a first aid kit, so that left Ace, Enma, and Grim to search the botanical gardens for a tool shed – or, at the very least, a caretaker.

And then they split up. A terrible thing to do when your life is ruled by no Laws other than Murphy’s.

‘It’s just a few minutes’, Enma had thought. ‘I have Grim with me so he will not be able to cause any trouble. And Ace is sometimes competent on his own. What can happen in five minutes?’

He can step on a tail. That’s what can happen.

In his defense, the area around him was gorgeous. Colorful, magical, plants surrounded him on all sides, even hanging from the ceiling. Signs with glowing script poked out from between the leaves, telling him what they were all called and what their magical properties were, and he couldn’t help glancing over every single one. How could he not get distracted? This place was practically heaven for the nerdy part of him that wanted to know everything there was to know about the new world he was in.

And, so, he stepped on what one would assume was a vine in a place like this, and jolted back in horror, thinking he had trodden on one of the plants that had so effortlessly caught his attention… and found a tail. It pulled itself away from him, slinking into a nearby bush, and Enma frowned as he started to follow after it.

A disgruntled face popped out of the bush. Their hair was a bit messy, what one would call a literal bedhead, and there was a few pieces of grass stuck to one of the man’s tan cheeks.

“Sorry,” Enma said, backing up so the man could leave his bush prison.

He did so with what was either a practiced ease or an uncaring attitude. Assumedly the first one, as the man brushed away the leaves sticking to his school uniform without even sparing them a glance.

“What are you doing in my garden?” The man asked, fixing Enma with a glower.

Enma smiled despite it. “Oh! You’re the caretaker, then? Could you help me find something?”

“He seems kinda young for that,” Grim pointed out.

“I mean, he’s older than any of the other students we’ve seen so far,” Enma reasoned. “And he could be an apprentice or something, not the caretaker, I suppose.”

The man ignored them, pulling his tail upwards to inspect it. “And stepped on my fucking tail, too…”

“And he’s more vulgar than you’d expect from someone on the school staff,” Grim added.

Enma conceded on that point.

“And I was in the middle of such a good nap. This sucks,” the maybe-not-a-caretaker continued to complain to no one.

Oh. Wait.

Enma dipped forward in apology. “I’m really sorry about that, I should have been paying more attention.”

The man’s nose twitched as Enma got closer, and he raised his eyebrows at him. “Aren’t you the herbivore from the ceremony? One of the ones that doesn’t have any magic?” He leaned closer, and Enma realized he was being sniffed. He went stock-still, unsure what to do in this kind of situation. Was this something that all yajugen do? Is it a cultural greeting? Would it be wrong to stop him? And, really, Enma had stepped on his tail, so maybe he could let the weirdness slide…? “Why do you smell like…?” The man trailed off, confused.

“I showered this morning,” Enma said, more self-conscious than he had ever been before.

“Earth,” the man decided. “That’s what you smell like. Earth.”

Enma reeled back, no longer concerned about the potential social ramifications as he looked at the man with wide eyes. “Holy – you know what Earth is?”

The stranger looked just as confused by his reaction as Enma was by the entire interaction they were having. He nodded slowly and pointed downwards.

“We’re on… Earth?” Enma said slowly, confused.

“Yeah…?” the man said, looking at him like he was stupid.

But he wasn’t, was he? The mirror had said that Earth didn’t exist in this world, it was a whole thing, kinda the whole reason they were still in this world –.

And then it clicked.

“Oh, you mean ‘earth’ as in dirt,” he said, groaning internally because he had never felt quite so stupid before.

“Yeah? What the fuck did you think I was saying?”

“Wait, you think I smell like dirt?” He ignored him in favor of sniffing himself aggressively, but he couldn’t detect any of the supposed ‘dirt’ smell. Was it so entrenched in him that he couldn’t smell it? How would he get rid of it then? And where did it even come from? When did it start? Why did no one tell him? This interaction was making his self-esteem plummet. He was about to meet Kuroki down there.

Grim bristled on Leona’s shoulders, his fur standing on end. “Hey! No one is allowed to be mean to any of my Henchmen except for me! Who do you think you are to judge us, anyways? What, are you king or something?”

The man’s mild confusion wiped itself off of his face, and the yagujen bared his teeth at them. A low growling sound began to rumble in his throat. “Alright, you know what? You insolent whelps better prepare yourselves to lose a tooth –.”

Enma jerked back to himself, holding his hands up in a way that he hoped looked placating, but he was really just preparing himself to get into a defensive position. “Wait! What? Nonono, I’m sorry about your nap and your tail and – uh – whatever Grim said to upset you, but I’m sure there’s a better way to go about this?”

The man cocked his fist.

“Leona-saaaaaan!”

‘Leona’ flinched in surprise. The lion ears atop the man’s head flicked and he turned just in time to see another person rush into their part of the greenhouse.

This one was far shorter, but also a yagujen. Enma wasn’t sure what animal, exactly, he had traits of, but it was something furry. Besides that, though, the boy wasn’t the type that would get a second glance. Dirty blond hair and sharp blue eyes were hardly surprising in a world where approximately 1 in 5 people had white hair. His clothes were too large on him, too, which didn’t help him stand out.

The blond raced over, far faster than Enma had thought possible. Was it because he was a yagujen or a unique magic or something else? “So this is where you’ve been hiding out,” he said, shaking his head. “You’ve got remedial classes, y’know.”

“I know.”

The new stranger stared for a moment, expectant, before seeming to realize that he shouldn’t have held his breath. “You need to go to your classes.”

“You need to stop annoying me.”

“It’s ‘cause you keep failing that I gotta keep bothering you, y’know,” he said. “If you fail another year we’re gonna end up being classmates.”

“Lay off, Ruggie,” said Leona. “Why can’t you annoying people just leave so I can nap?”

“If you think… er… Ruggie-senpai is annoying now, then you might want to graduate before he ends up being classmates with you. Then you’ll never escape,” Enma pointed out.

Leona looked horrified at the very prospect. Ruggie, in turn, didn’t seem to know whether to be offended or relieved, which was fair.

Ruggie settled for neither. He just adapted to the new situation, grabbing a stunned Leona’s arm and starting to drag him out of the garden. “C’mon. It’s not like you’re stupid, you’d pass if you just tried. Let’s go.”

Leona clicked his tongue and jerked his arm out of Ruggie’s grasp, but followed along resignedly regardless. He shot one last glare Enma’s way, and Enma wasn’t completely sure which of the long series of events Leona was currently mad at him about.

But whatever. It probably wouldn’t matter, anyways. What were the chances they would see each other again? They weren’t even in the same year.

So, he sighed to himself and turned to go back

Grim frowned as he settled back down on Enma’s shoulder, his furry face tucked close to his neck. “Man, that caretaker was awful, we should file a complaint.”

Enma laughed so hard that Grim almost fell off.

~

Picking chestnuts sucked, regardless of their gloves. Not because it hurt, the gloves that Ace had found were so perfect that Enma was pretty sure they had to be enchanted in some way…

No, it was awful because Kuroki spent the entire time complaining about his hand despite the fact that it hadn’t taken all that long for it to stop bleeding, and Grim gave up once he reached the expected 10 chestnuts and curled up in the shade of a tree, and Deuce and Ace argued about whether or not Deuce was secretly a delinquent (Enma was willing to bet good money that he was, but when asked to settle the tie he had decided remaining neutral was probably the best for his health, something he came to regret when the argument did not finish), and Grim had gone on a rant about how terrible their experience with the caretaker was, and then all of them had had to explain the dorms again because Grim called Savanaclaw ‘The Banana Dorm’ of all things...

Needless to say, Enma was glad when he realized that it was about time for him to start heading to work. He pulled the last few down hastily and tossed them in the general direction of the basket before tearing off his gloves and making a break for it.

~

Ah, work. Everyone’s least favorite responsibility, outside of all of their other responsibilities. Enma was regretting running there. Especially since he hadn’t forgotten the way he had reacted to the shop the first time he had approached it. The way it felt like his skeleton was about to rattle its way right out from under its skin and try to make a break for it. He wasn’t eager to have a repeat of that, and he was even less eager to do so when he didn’t have his emotional support idiots hanging off of him.

But, surprisingly, as he made his way closer and closer, his feet picking their way along the stone paths covered in knickknacks he couldn’t make heads or tails of (and some things he thought might actually be heads and tails)... he couldn’t seem to find that weird feeling from before. Maybe it was a fluke? Or maybe he was just allergic to shady people and having both Dire Crowley and Azul Ashengrotto in the same place had given him a very adverse reaction.

Haha, funny, but also what the heck?

He brought his thumb up to his mouth to bite it, considering everything. This world was interesting, and he wanted to know more, but there was something eating away at him. Something was wrong.

The door swung open before Enma could open it, and he jolted into awareness.

“How’d you know…?”

“I have friends on the other side that tell me everything I need to know, little ghoul!” Sam said, smiling at him.

Enma continued to stare.

“There’s a window.”

Oh. Enma glanced over at the tinted glass windows. He had noticed them earlier but had forgotten about them because he was busy being vaguely unsettled by the lack of unsettling feelings.

A flush crept up his cheeks, but Sam didn’t give him all that long to dwell on it. He looped an arm over Enma’s shoulders and led him inside.

“Now, since it’s your first day, and because I’m sure that that Crow didn’t give you much, I’m going to make things easier for you.” Magenta eyes flashed. “So, I will be allowing you to shop around today – all on my dime, of course – and familiarize yourself with the placement of all of the items.”

Enma’s eyes widened. He looked up at Sam with stars in his eyes. “Really?”

“Yup. Go ahead. You have until the store opens in half an hour to look around.”

He ruffled Enma’s hair with a smile.

His smile lessened somewhat when he realized that Enma had been quietly making mental notes to himself the entire time he’d been in the magical world and, in fact, had a very detailed list of things they needed already thought up. Tinted shower curtains, blankets and pillows that hadn’t been eaten by moths, enough tuna to feed Grim and enough Coke to tide over Ito, cooking supplies, a couple of outfits for different occasions, every nonperishable food he could think of, and actually decent soaps… yeah, no, it was very clear that Sam hadn’t expected the bill to be quite as large as it was, but he learned one very crucial lesson that day: never underestimate Enma Yuuken.

“Well…” Sam said, staring at the pile of items so large that were almost falling off the counter, his eyes crinkled at the corners in something that was either pain or pride or a mix of both. “At least I know you’ll be able to handle being a customer service worker.”

#in their defense #they were all left unsupervised #mom (ito) was at work #and they had no babysitter #also #i have no memory of writing this wtf #whatever #twisted wonderland #twst #twst yuu #yuu twst #twst grim #grim twst #enma yuuken #kuroki yuuya #ace trappola #deuce spade #leona kingscholar #ruggie bucchi #sam twst #twst sam #twst fanfic #twst mc

[raethethey]

hey its me. rae. im fine. im just having a breakdown rn and uhh idk how to deal with that really. like in a healthier way. whenever i was little and had an overwhelming experience or a day filled with anxiety i would shut down and escape to my room and turn on music and hug my blankie. but like thats not really dealing with the issue yk, its ignoring it until i forget abt it and then it happens again sometime later. i get stressed over the little things and they pile up. but idk when the mountain ever topples bc i pile it up behind me if that makes sense. just throwing it over my shoulder yk.

read at your own risk. i delve deep into traumas.

i grew up in a sheltered house, lower middle class, religion available to me. i didnt show up to school and have teachers pull me aside and ask me questions abt my parents and home life. but i did have issues. i apparently had a mother who occasionally abused alcohol (i guess i blocked this out and thought she was just smiley a lot) i had a father who decided a belt was more efficient than his hand when disciplining us, soap mouth washing was normal, holding his hand over my sisters mouth so the neighbors wouldnt hear her absolute monster of a meltdown screams (she could scream/ i was sitting on my bed watching this and covering my ears as best i could) yes he let her breathe but she was 7(?) she would just take a breath to scream again. i witnessed holes in the wall but never a bruise on my mother or father. (thats when cps was called) (thats when i realised i would become a statistic kid someday). i witnessed so many tears and yelling and walking out the front door (or even getting out of the car on a highway exit in the middle of a state we didnt live in to get away from him) i witnessed my mother connect with the ladies at church who didnt wear big hoop earrings or high heels or gaudy make up bc they grew up with 'bigger' struggles. (divorced parents, trailer homes, smoking, a sister who got pregnant at 14). i witnessed my dad struggle with someone who wasnt a good match for him but he was religious, death should happen before divorce. he would plead and beg and that sound when his voice cracked haunts me to this day. on the 28th of december when they gathered us to tell us they were divorcing i stood up, said, "i knew it." and went to my room until i had to pee or eat or go to school i dont remember. i lived between 2 separate houses until i turned 18 always lugging my sister around after she came back from boarding school for 2 years. i chose to live with my dad bc he was more financially and mentally stable. do i regret that? almost everyday. would i go back and change my choice? no.

im attending college rn with almost nothing in my bank account and no more help from dad. im scared bc im not smart, i believe i have learning issues bc not every teacher teaches the same and its been a constant guessing game as to whether ill pass or not based on them. i can apply myself when i get interested but if you lecture us like youre talking like a middle schooler abt the weather in an awkward convo with your crush, what the hell am i supposed to get excited abt?

how am i supposed to live in a home that expects more than i think i can give just because im an adult? with a man who doesnt understand social anxiety or burn out or depression bc he has the lord and faith and hope and he doesnt need to worry abt whats next. how am i supposed to recover from a night of not sleeping and watching youtube videos to drown out the thoughts (sometimes suicidal) and then be expected to get up at 8am and go apply to 7 jobs and grocery shop for your ass and clean the house and not take a nap that turns into 15hours of dead sleep at noon bc im adult and thats just what adults do.

no thats society. thats society fucking everything up for ill minds and those with disabilities and disorders and chronic sickness. society tells me i need to move out at 18 (when your brain only finishes developing at 27 ish). society tells me i need to figure out my life when im not even a 1/10th thru it. to get a degree at 22 a job at 23 bc youve interned somewhere for 2 years already and have that job for 50ish years, a spouse a house and kids at some point during that time and still be financially okay and be able to pay off student loans and hospital bills and mortgage and whatever else. society says fuck you all the fucking time and i cant fucking stand it.

im not ready to be 23. im not knowledgeable on how life works bc i was sheltered. we were poor we couldnt look stuff up willy nilly, if i did i was terrified i wasnt allowed to bc god is always watching, youll go to hell. i know nothing abt sex ed bc our teacher wasnt even fully certified. i know nothing abt taxes or bills bc we didnt have a finance class available. i know nothing abt dating bc no boys until youre 30. i know nothing.

when my parents split and i lived with my mom every other week, i searched everything under the sky in my room at night bc i was scared. i was scared my dad might find out that i thought [sally] was cuter than [sam]. that i was jealous of [jasons] body and the way it was shaped. that i liked the way [marys] voice sound bc she was cool on tv (she smoked) the way [johns] voice sounded bc it was lower. i read fanfiction as soon as i knew what it was. when i gravitated toward more mlm fics i was scared of those new apps coming out that let a parent see what their kid was doing.

when i graduated high school and didnt know what to do with myself for two years, i drowned myself in fanfiction and fantasies. when i was given an ultimatum of moving out or going to school and/or working i chose school bc by then i had found kpop. i fell in love with something for the first time in a while since fanfiction. i like the new language i hadnt really ever heard before other than psy's song that rocked the world. i realised ive always loved languages why not teach mine? thats popular. so i chose school, i dragged myself through months of mental torture and physical stress torture and im still doing it bc one day ill live a dream that was forced upon me bc i know im not ready for the world. and bc i chose school i met some of the greatest ppl. ppl who accept me for who i truly am bc that summer wasnt just abt kpop it was abt realising i was not a girl. i wasnt a boy either but goddamn idk what i am. so not only did i read abt gay men but i read abt gay anything. researching wtf was going on in my head. what exactly do i feel like, who am i attracted to, what do i want in life in a partner if i ever get one

and through all this in the back of my head im still thinking im not good enough for my dad bc he believes that even just who i am is a sin, im not good enough for mom bc i chose dad, im not good enough for myself bc im lazy and incapable of doing normal things and a wimp and a loser. im not good enough. i dont deserve this. i shouldve been kicked out years ago. thats how you know if youll make it (i wouldntve). theres smth wrong with me and my brain. the doctor said i had depression and gave me pills i didnt want bc pills make it real. there really is smth wrong with me. thats why they dont love me, they dont think im good enough. i havent been to a doctor in 6 years (1 covid hit so i just couldnt 2 i cant make the fucking phone call on my own) i know i have anxiety and worse depression. i think i have other stuff bc like i mentioned when i think theres smth wrong with me i research the fuck out of it.

cant even keep a best friend. the one in elementary moved, elementary-middle i moved schools, middle-high school stopped talking to me out of the blue, my church friend from elementary is still my best friend and has many the same views abt religion aa i do now and accepts me and loves me for who i am, but shes getting married this year. still have my college bestie but its only been 2 years. i hate myself for thinking 'wait until its been 7, he'll hate you then, but hes too nice to drop you to your face he'll just ghost you like the last one did'

cant commit to a partner either. first one was a mess, he had anger issues. second didnt respect the law. third one was 3yrs older and ready for marriage. 4th was going to the navy in a month. 5th (first girl) was in israel. i was the one who ended them all. my current partner is literally amazing and im scared the day they realise i literally cannot commit. we will dance around commitment forever until you get bored and realise i was just there bc i want to try but deep down know i cant and wont succeed. im scared the day they leave bc they think im playing with them and i unintentionally break their heart. im scared bc i know that will never happen, ill leave them before they can bc i dont want to string them along bc i cant commit.

well ive "journaled" for like and hour now and i need to pee. so thanks for reading if you did. im sorry if you were triggered. i dont want responses. i just needed to get this out.

#rae rambles #tldr: im sad #tw: depression #tw: mental health #tw: long post #tw: sucidal thoughts #tw: religious trauma #tw: alcholism #tw: anxiety #tw: depressive thoughts #tw: gender dysphoria #tw: medication #tw: negative thoughts #tw: vent #delete

[usaigi]

Cherry Wine - Chapter 1 Steven

Summary: There is no handbook for what to do to take care of your mentally ill teenager. Well there was, and Elias has read them all, but most of the time he feels useless.

Three short dabbles exploring Elias’s relationship with his three boys, even if he doesn’t realize it.

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, self-harm, alcoholism, abuse

A/N: All conversation between characters take place in Spanish unless text is in bold

Kudos and Comments on AO3 appreciated. Reply and I'll tag you in the next chapter

It was a good day. One of those rare days where the air didn’t feel as heavy and it was a little easier to breathe. Long gone were the days the Spector family would attend Shabbat service together, back when Wendy used to hold onto the boy's hands to keep them in check. Nowadays, Elias was lucky if he even could convince Marc to go with himself rather than letting him sulk in his room all Sabbath. Marc's room felt so dark and gloomy most of the time Elias won’t be surprised if it started growing mushrooms. 

While Elias never forced religion on his family, it was important to him, and hoped that Marc could find some comfort in it as well. The afternoon walks to and from the synagogue wouldn’t hurt. 

“So how was school?” Elias always asks in Spanish. Half of the time Marc would simply reply with “I don’t remember” or “Nothing happened” but it was a safe question. Elias only asked safe questions. 

“Good. We had a, ah, college fair? Like where the school invites a bunch of reps from different unis. I talked to one of those student reps from ISU about their anthropology department.” Marc replies cheerfully. Good, Elias lets out a sigh of relief that Marc is seemingly in a good mood. Sometimes trying to talk to Marc felt like he was talking to a brick wall, other times it felt like he was waiting for a bomb to go off, but sometimes it was… easy. 

Following Marc's most recent hospitalization, the psychiatrist told him that she suspects a different diagnosis for Marc: Borderline Personality Disorder. As soon as the meeting with Marc’s care team ended, Elias had booked it straight to the library for any books on BPD. And by the time Marc was finally discharged from Putnam’s psychiatric ward, Elias had done enough research to write a thesis. At this point, Elias had gotten too good at reading psychology books despite not taking a single class on psychology. Elias was still hesitant, Marc’s diagnosis has changed from PTSD to depression to bipolar and now maybe BPD. It certainly didn’t help that apparently PTSD, bipolar, and BPD can all be comorbid. And that’s ignoring that Marc still hasn't gotten an official diagnosis for ADHD, despite it being a constant point of discussion with Marc’s teachers. His inability to focus was a red flag to everyone. Ultimately, it didn’t matter what diagnosis they gave him, as long as they could help his son. It’s not like Elias was able to support him in any meaningful way. No matter what he did, it would never be enough. 

But even with this new hypothesis, Elias is unsure about the diagnosis. Marc was the picture definition for some of the symptoms: wild mood changes, intense anger, chronic feelings of emptiness, periods of paranoia and delusion, impulsive and risky behaviors, rapid changes in self-image and self-identity, and worst of all the self-harm and suicidal tendencies. He was embarrassed and saddened to admit how perfectly those symptoms described his son. 

Other symptoms, however, Elias was more unsure about. Maybe Marc did have intense feelings of abandonment and that could explain the apparent lack of friends. According to one of the nurses, Marc did make a friend with another high school girl during his most recent stay but Elias secretly hoped that it wouldn’t progress to anything beyond an acquaintance. He wasn’t very comfortable with the idea of his self-destructive teen hanging out with another mentally ill teen.  

However, none of the diagnoses, other than maybe the PTSD could explain all the gaps in memory. Elias could ask Marc simple questions about his day and he’d look at him like he was speaking in a foreign language. Sometimes he gets the impression that Marc doesn’t know his own name. He’d change his mind about little things faster than a politician running for re-election. Marc’s therapist believes it to be an avoidance tendency to steer clear from any meaningful and constructive conversations about his trauma but recently Elias has genuinely started to think that Marc is somehow really forgetting large chunks of time. 

His more destructive symptoms started to manifest early, Elias knew the importance of savoring these moments, as the good days are few and far between. When Marc didn’t look like the weight of the world was crushing him. When it didn’t for the stars to align just see him smile.

“ISU is a good school. Your tití Nina’s daughter is going to graduate this year, you can talk to her about it,”

“Who?” He asks, almost sounding embarrassed. 

“Kimberly? You remember Kim right,”

“Oh. Yeah. Maybe,” Marc sounds unsure but Elias doesn’t push it, he never does. 

“What do you want to study?” he asks. 

“History, maybe? Or Anthropology or Archeology? I don’t know yet. I still want to study egyptology but I don’t think they have that, mhm, how do you say ‘major’ in Spanish?” “Especialidad,”

“Yeah, I don’t think they have that major at ISU. But even so, the student rep I was talking to was telling me about how she’s doing a semester abroad in Taiwan. Maybe I can do that too and study in Cairo so that I can still build my focus around Egypt. The girl didn’t know if ISU has any partnerships with any unis in Egypt though, but she gave me the contact information of the study abroad counselor. Even so, they are other schools I can look into if they don’t have anything with Egypt,”

“Well, you still have plenty of time to decide. You just have to work hard to get in,” Marc's grades and academic performance were dramatically inconsistent but it’s to be expected when your kid was sick. Honestly, Elias was just ecstatic whenever Marc brought up college, better than he says that he’ll lie to get into the military and even better than he claimed that his future didn’t matter because he’d be dead before he turned 20.  

“Yeah, alright. I was maybe thinking about taking an ACT/SAT prep class at the library over the summer…”

“That sounds like that a great idea. That’ll take you out of the house for a bit too,” Most of the time talking to Marc felt like he was walking through a minefield, one wrong step would cause the whole area to blow up. So Elias deliberately avoids mentioning his mother. If Marc brought it up, Elias usually follows but out of fear of making Marc upset, he avoided it as much as possible. 

Marc simply nodded, not replying verbally. 

“Just work hard to graduate high school. I’ll take you to Hawaii or Canún or somewhere to celebrate,” Elias says, hoping to inspire him and keep him motivated. Give him something to look forwards to. 

“It’s not really ethical to visit Hawaii, did you know a large population of native Hawaiians are living in poverty–”

“It doesn’t have to be Hawaii,” Elias reassures him.

They pause for a bit before Elias tries again.

“Hey, what do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts?” Elias asks after a minute, switching the topic.

“What?”

“A Pharaoh Roche,” he says with a smile. Marc snickers and rolls his eyes, but he smiles and that was enough. 

The rest of the walk was filled with more small talk, and Elias couldn’t have asked for anything more. And on their way back, he’s thrilled that Marc wants to discuss the service with him. 

When Elias and Marc returned home, Elias is surprised to find that Wendy is prepping the dinner table for them. Wendy had stayed in bed all day, ignoring all offerings of food or water, so he’d just assume he’d find her still in bed when he returned. It was even harder to predict and prepare for Wendy’s mood swings, and they typically result in even more destruction and pain, but she was coming up on 13 days sober and started going back to AA so maybe they could finally start to heal. Marc nervously preps a plate for Wendy and then himself consisting of vegetarian tamales with a side of rice and beans before taking a seat on the opposite side of the table. Even when things are calm, a sense of uneasiness still creeps through the house. Elias still sees how Marc tries to eat and make the least amount of noise and how avoids making eye contact with his mom as possible. Dinner carried on in silence. 

“Marc?” It’s barely a whisper and initially, Marc doesn’t seem to acknowledge it. “Do you want dessert? I made piña Asada.” Marc nods quickly, finally looking up to meet her face. With that Wendy gets up, takes everyone’s empty dinner plate, and excuses herself to the kitchen. 

She brings Marc back a plate of two perfectly grilled pieces of pineapple with a scoop of ice cream in the center and sets it down in front of him. 

“Thanks,” it’s barely audible but Wendy still takes it as permission to give him a quick kiss on the forehead. Marc even smiled when he took his first bite. Watching the whole interaction was nerve-wracking, Elias expects the tables to turn at any second and is relieved that they don’t. This is probably the “best” interaction the two have had in years. 

Many he’s naive to think it could stay like this; that Wendy would continue to attend AA and stay sober, that Marc would continue to take his medication and participate in therapy. But he’ll continue to pray.

#moon knight fanfic #moon knight #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley #elias spector #wendy spector #oscar isaac #layla el faouly #marvel

[captorsicallfriends]

Insane anon back okay so basically- I grew up in a VERY Christian household (as I'm sure you can imagine from the pig incident yes we're calling it that now) my grandparents are extremely Christian and nearly all of my aunts and uncles are too, and the ones who aren't still do stuff like "don't say oh my god it's disrespectful" and go to church if asked and whatever. My town is generally like this too so everywhere I go I'm most likely going to see or hear something to do with religion. So I didn't really pay much mind to religion considering I'm really little and too busy collecting Pokemon cards ponder the possibilities of heaven or hell, much less moral philosophy and ethics which we're led to believe is what gets us our sentences in the first place. So my school taught us religion, but we had to have our parents say if we could attend or not. Take a wild fucking guess what my parents then condemned me to. So then I had to show up to a religion class like every day to learn about God and such. Now, because my school had only labelled the subject "religion" and not "Christianity" (which is the only religion they even taught us, dickheads) my small child brain registered that religion = Christianity and they're just two interchangeable words for each other. Which is, to say the least, not correct. But I didn't know that I was 8 and so I went on like this for admittedly longer than I should have qeygdjoaudgjldugas but anyway- I learnt all about Jesus and Mary and God and everything there was to know. Well when I say learnt I really mean "picked up as much information as I could" cuz let's face it teaching a religion class to a herd of 8 year olds who have had next to no prior experience to religion is pretty much just "yeah tbh I would murder my brother too I get it" "I wonder if Jesus played bass I feel like he would" "mr religion teacher what's a virgin and why is Mary one?" So yeah fun. But then eventually religion class ended for the term. Except. I was friends with a few other kids who were Muslim and Buddhist and Hindu and other religions that weren't Christian. And keep in mind I still don't know there's more than one religion I think it's just another word for Christianity. So while they're sharing their experiences with their gods and traditions and such, I'm registering it all as one big thing. And so my small child brain is like "oh I guess there must be just a bunch of different gods in religion huh cool I wonder when lunch will end." So all this time I'm walking around with the idea of like every god to ever exist (yes even the what 500 I think Egyptian gods they had) just existing at the same time and this made complete sense to me. And Diya my friend I am going to be completely honest with you I didn't realise religion didn't just mean only Christianity until I was like 11 it's embarassing but true 😭 I also thought Islam was a country. I'm so glad no one on this webbed site knows my irl identity I don't know how I'd cope with you people having a name to put to this 😭😭😭 but yeah point is don't be a dumb shit like me and teach your kids what religion actually means please I can't stand the thought of there being more of this nonsense. Also my religion teacher didn't believe in evolution and thought David Attenborough was manipulating us all. Idk how he got that job. But yeah. Bonus story: I asked my religion teacher "wouldn't Jesus have been black because of the place where he was born, why am I seeing a bunch of skinny white people" and he told me to ask Jesus myself and gave me a colouring sheet and walked away and I'm 8 I don't know how to commune with all-knowing immortal beings so I just wrote yes and no on my eraser and flipped it a bunch of times. So yeah if you guys were wondering Jesus is a black trans man and he loves abortion and autism and hates billionaires this is a fact because I said so okay peace ✌️

this is why we hate religion classes that only teach christianity, and that last bit about jesus, preach 🙏

#diya answers #anon #my old school had bible studies class as compulsory #even as a senior year subject when you're meant to have full agency over your classes

[187days]

Day Eighty-Nine

When I first started showing a movie about WWI in Global Studies, some of my students weren't fans; it's narration over maps, graphs, and pictures rather than a story with a plot, and they thought it would be boring. Nearly all of them got sucked in, though. Today, as we were going over the questions I'd had them answer, they kept asking follow-up questions or sharing observations. It was really cool. It also made it easy for me to prep them for next class, which is all about the aftermath of the war; our discussion naturally flowed in that direction.

I had a handful of students come to my classroom during flex time in order to make up missing work, retake quizzes, and so on. One student was going to attempt to play games on his cell phone rather than do any work, but when I went over and asked him to pull up his Religion/Philosophy Essay, he did, and I helped him make the necessary revisions to rewrite it. That boosted his overall average a ton, so that's awesome.

My APGOV students are working on final projects, so it was a very chill class for everyone. Hard to believe there's only one more!

After the afternoon bell, a bunch of us went to the local brewery because they were doing BOGO for teachers, which was so nice of them. It's good to hang out, socialize, relax, eat good food... So, all in all? Pretty excellent day!

#teaching #edublr #teachblr #education #teacher #high school #social studies #the cacophony #cue the music of triumph #day eighty nine

[heretic-child]

''The Alevi Religion and Identity Project originated in response to talking to Alevi young people about their sense of self and their marginalized exclusion at school, which made it hard for them to feel a sense of belonging when no one knew about them. Descriptions of their experiences of school typically included the assumptions made by their teachers and peers about them being Sunni Muslim. In fact most of the schools that the Alevi children attended had a large proportion of Muslim pupils and they were counted among them.

Some recalled that their teachers would ask them why they were not praying or fasting and they would explain that they were ‘sort of Muslim’ but did not follow the same practices. One student described an incident when her RE teacher asked the class what religion they belonged to and she said she was Alevi. The teacher thought that she was making it up and it was not until her father went into the school next day to explain that the family was Alevi that she was believed. One of Cetin’s young male respondents who was disaffected at school explained that his admissions form stated he was Muslim and that teachers saw him as a troublemaker. This was most apparent in RE lessons as the following extract reveals:

I had no interest in education, especially the RE lessons. Because we were registered as Muslims, I was put in Muslim groups in RE classes. I was sleeping most of the time because I realized that what they were saying and doing were not things that we were doing at home. I understood that we were Alevi but never said this to them.

Moreover, some of the youths described being bullied by Muslim peers for not praying and fasting and that sometimes they would pretend to fast to avoid conflict. Similarly, when we talked to the young people, they described how they would define their identity in terms of what they were not, primarily as ‘not Muslim’ or ‘sort-of Muslim’ rather than Alevi, depending on their audience. Another participant explained that he adjusted his description of himself according to his audience demonstrating a situational orientation. For example, if asked he would say he was Turkish as he said people would not know about Kurds. If he was asked directly if he was a Kurd, he would say that he was. When asked about whether he knew he was Alevi, he replied:

Well we had the picture of Ali and Twelve Imams at our home, things like that. I knew we were Kurd and Alevi but I was saying we were Turkish and Muslim because it was easy and I did not have to explain things to people.

Another of Cetin’s young respondents, interviewed in 2011, said he did not know he was Alevi until he went to school and saw other children wearing the zulfikar.

I asked them what it was. They told me they were Alevi and Alevi people wear zulfikar. Then I came home and asked my parents if we were Alevis and they said yes. I asked what Alevism was but they just said that we were Alevi and Alevis like Ali and zulfikar is Ali’s sword and so on… Then my dad said he didn’t know more. He told me to go and ask Hasan, my aunt’s husband… To be honest, if someone asks me now I will say I am Alevi but I can’t explain it. I know I am Alevi but I can’t explain what it is.

The young people felt that they did not want to have to explain their religion all of the time or were not able to do so, and often resorted to describing their faith in a shorthand way as ‘Muslim’ or ‘sort of Muslim’ in order to fit in. This perpetuated their sense of being outsiders. This we describe as strategic identification, switching between Alevi identity out of school and Muslim identity in school and with peers. It is suggestive of the psychosocial pressures that Alevi pupils experienced as being ‘othered’ in relation to Muslim pupils and resonates with the experience of the first and second generation, who were wholly or partly educated in Turkey.''

From a ‘sort of Muslim’ to ‘proud to be Alevi’: the Alevi religion and identity project combatting the negative identity among second-generation Alevis in the UK

#alevi #kurdish #txt

[oflgtfol]

the idea of a catholic based mental health clinic just gives me the heebie jeebies. like one of the very first things that made me start losing faith in the church due to its institutionalized cruelty, is the catholic view of mental health, by which i mean the whole idea that committing suicide is one of the worst sins you can commit and will automatically land you in hell is just so utterly heinous and unsympathetic.

i was 11 years old and my only mental health problem at the time was my childhood anxiety, which surprise surprise, the catholic church definitely took advantage of in a way that i know fucked me over even worse than my peers going through the same religious education classes. so even though i didnt really consider myself mentally ill at the time, i was definitely subconsciously sympathetic due to my own struggles, and also just, i mean it’s fucking common sense and basic human compassion, when someone takes their own life then that’s the ultimate sign of suffering, i was 11 and even then before i truly developed my own moral backbone it just seemed so fucking cruel to victim blame people who are literally fucking mentally ill and going through such shit that they’d rather die by their own hand than continue living. it’s one thing to say oh its a sin :( dont do it :( and it’s another thing to say YOU WILL AUTOMATICALLY GO TO HELL AND SUFFER FOR ALL OF ETERNITY IF YOU DO IT. like as if someone who is already suffering in life enough to kill themself, now deserves to continue suffering even worse, even longer for all of eternity, in the flames of hell? what exactly does that solve? it’s just so fucking cruel for no fucking reason.

and the thing that really made this my breaking point with losing faith in the church and the religion as a whole, is that i tried to poke holes in the logic of this rule, find if there was any leniency at all in it, due to aforementioned cruelty. i asked my teacher, what if someone killed themself as a sacrifice to save other lives? what if killing themself saved literally All Of Humanity? (my inspiration here was robin williams’ character in the movie independence day. lol.) and my teacher said. i actually dont know, let me get back to you on that when i ask the church higher ups. which the fact she was UNCERTAIN and needed to ASK already filled me with doubt. and then she did get back to me the next week and she said. yeah actually you would still go to hell for that. because you killed yourself. and it was just the most, utter absolute outrage and injustice that filled my 11 year old body. you hate people who commit suicide so much that even if you do it for some higher noble cause, literally saving the entire fucking human race, you still go to hell.

and i must stress this, because this is what the church stressed to me: hell is Hell. you will be burning. in excruciating pain, because burning alive is one of the worst pains imaginable. and you will be burning alive for all of eternity. not one hour. not one day. not one year. not five years. not fifty years. not a century. but forever. forever and ever with no end in sight and you will suffer for your sin, your sin of committing suicide, because God gave you the ultimate Gift Of Life and you had the audacity to throw that away. dont you know God loves you? He gave you life and this is what you do with His gift? you make Him sad when you sin like this. so you have to suffer for it. for all of eternity.

it is just. so fucking heinous and so fucking ableist and actively hostile to mentally ill people, and because this applies even to people who kill themselves as a sacrifice, frankly just hostile to human life in general. i mean you want someone to let the entire human race die? because the only way to save the entire human race is to kill yourself? how is that at all sympathetic to humanity as a whole? its just indicative of the ironclad control the church has, the godfear it relies on to keep people in line, the way it wields the idea of hell to scare people down to their very bones. and i mean godfear is a problem in all denominations of christianity but i think this aspect of it is uniquely catholic, or maybe thats just because i was raised catholic and dont know other denominations’ take on the whole suicide thing.

and again i must stress this uniquely targets mentally ill people! because humanity-saving-suicides do not happen often but mentally ill people committing suicide is! so when catholics have such a heinous, unsympathetic, absolutely hostile view of mentally ill people, i just do not enjoy the idea of a CATHOLIC MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC. i do not trust that they are approaching their services in a truly compassionate way. it just sounds like yet another front where they can do a charity case and say oh look at us, we’re such good christians, helping our fellow human beings, by preventing them from doing SIN!!!! which is just NOT the way to approach healthcare!! you should want to help people because they are sick and suffering and deserve to feel better and recover! NOT because you view them as potential sinners and you’re trying to like, rehabilitate these sinners! its like, a missionary mindset, not an actual healthcare mindset, of viewing these people not as patients in need but as sinners. and maybe im projecting like maybe there are catholic mental health clinics that are able to separate religion and healthcare, but the idea is still just so fundamentally skeevy to me that i wouldnt trust any catholic based clinic

#brot posts #sorry. the counseling service on campus recommended me some people off campus since im graduating #and the one is catholic and i saw just that one word and was instantly like. oh hell no #and i told my therapist i was like. im not exactly comfortable with that #and she was like oh im sure they accept all denominations #and its like naur lol i was raised catholic its not like im protestant its that i was raised catholic and therefore i hate catholicism #i havent even touched my religious baggage w her yet lmao 😭😭 so i just left it at ‘im uncomfortable with it’ #long post #like lowkey this reminds me of the idea of christian based food pantries #just the way it preys on vulnerable people as a way to project christianity onto them #either as a conversion tactic or as a christian charity feel good scheme #its just so skeevy!! #my mindset is that if you happen to be christian and you genuinely want to do good. literally why do you have to bring religion into it #like you can easily just make a secular food pantry or a secular clinic #if you establish it with your religion in mind then obviously your religion is important to the organization’s entire existence #and therefore influences its practices and mission goals #and therefore influences the way you will interact with guests and patients . #and therefore: i dont trust it !!

[tamerajedwards]

Take time to listen…

I often walk the hallways at schools I sub in savoring the quietness before the students arrive. These walls have heard a lot of voices and stories, day after day and year after year. Students whom I have watched as toddlers are now teenagers.

I have struggled lately hearing violent conversations in the hallway, pushing, shoving, bullying, and foul colorful language. The life I once knew was simple. I just tried to make it to the next class on time, tried to collect football team pencils from the dispenser, and pass a hand written note to someone I had a crush on. Now I see several girls shoving themselves into one bathroom and taking turns going, kids shooting Tic Tok videos and selfies, and pushing me in the hallway and talking back to me as if I was an enemy, not a substitute teacher.

Just when I sit and think why oh why am I still doing this? a moment is handed to me…

A 7th grade girl was in a small class with me. She was clearly distraught. She asked if she could leave and have a time out somewhere. I told her she could not leave and be unsupervised. I told her I would be happy to listen to her concerns. She then said today was a hard day for her. It was her brothers birthday and 3 years ago he and her other brother were both killed in a triple homocide. I told her I was extremely sorry to hear that and that it was most likely going to be a hard day. I told her my day was hard yesterday because it was my Dad’s birthday and I lost him too.

She listened to me.. I wanted so badly to share Jesus with her but knew it would be a bad idea inside school. I’ve been warned about politics and religion before and didn’t want to take that chance. But I did tell her she could cling to faith and find faith. I asked her if maybe her mom and dad could help walk her through the sorrow. She then said her Dad had left her when she was 2 and hadn’t been seen since. Mom is busy.

These students are crying out for help. So when I see them lashing out in the hallways and classrooms there may be a reason behind it all, not just pure bad behavior.

I asked her if I could hug her, and she said yes. I think she was surprised that I would do that. She was just a little girl in a pre teen body who had lost her father and two brothers. She is hurting deeply.

I am asking God to give me new eyes to help students by softening my heart. I tend to put up walls and just want to deliver lesson plans in a stoic manner. I try not to lose control and keep in control. But these kids just need love and attention, not burying themselves in electronic devices.

I’m glad I took the chance and said… I would really love to hear what’s on your mind. I was blessed from it too.

Please pray for her and all the students in schools this year. Thanks!