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stranger-who-writes-fiction · 1 month

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What's this? Another Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow post?? But it's 2024! Surely, there's nothing new to uncover with regards to this seminal work of sequential storytelling...right?!?!?

Well...kinda. XD

BEHOLD! Another Tom King podcast interview, wherein he discusses Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow, and mostly confirms stuff we already knew, but! BUT! He does drop some new bits of info!

Right then. LET'S GO!

My usual disclaimer applies, recommend listening to the interview firsthand to get a more objective perspective.

But if you're cool with my (INCREDIBLY BIASED! ALWAYS! ALWAYS BIASED WITH THIS BOOK!) summary, then ONWARDS WE GO.

(And when I say 'biased summary' what I mean is that I will be including the bits that make me want to run a victory lap because my readings were SPOT HECKIN' ON, ALL YE NAYSAYERS!*)

Ahem. Anyways.

So I'm going to start off with some new-ish info (at least, it's new-ish to me. XD) The interviewers had asked about the title, specifically in regards to Zor-El's dialogue in issue six (I believe it's the portion where Zor is explaining to Kara why he's going to save her, and says something like, "tomorrow will come soon enough...and you will be a woman looking back on the many decades of your life..." hence 'Woman of Tomorrow') and whether that was planned from the outset, or if that part came about organically as he was writing it.

King said he'd originally written a completely different script for issue six (which we did know) but FUN NEW FACTOID TIME: Zor-El/Kara's origin (initially) weren't included in issue six like, at all. It therefore would not have come up at any point within the mini-series, had they gone with that first script.

But editorial hated it (King agreed with their conclusion, and another fun fact, we'll get to see said script in the backmatter for the new deluxe edition, YAY) and when King asked if there was anything in it that they liked, they said the tiny flashback to Kara's time on Argo was good.

SO. King then decided to expand that/incorporate her origin, because that would be 'easy', and this was back during his crazy COVID writing schedule.

(Folks will perhaps recall that he wrote issue seven in like...a day. What we did not know was that he rewrote issue six in that same week.)

And then it ended up being everyone's favorite issue so yaaaaay for editors! Unsung heroes of comics!

They are also comics' greatest villains but that's a discussion for another day!

Evely's art was mentioned at this point and King was like, 'I had to go back and make the writing more beautiful/esoteric to match what she was putting out.'

Also we stan a comic writer who lets his artists take as long as they need on art. (Though as he's mentioned before, Evely was able to turn in the art quickly on this book, which is heckin' WILD to me, have you SEEN that woman's pencils and inkwork??!??!?!??!?!)

They touched on the True Grit comparisons, only relevant/new bits there are that King feels it's the perfect novel (agree) and that the John Wayne version is terrible (also correct) and the Cohen Brothers' version is great (right again.)

Another bit we already knew: It was an editor who was responsible for the suggestion that Kara should be Rooster, not Mattie. (I think in the past he credited this to Jamie Rich, but this time he said he couldn't remember if it was Rich or Brittany Holzherr, and said they could fight over the credit if they want. XD)

Either way, THANK YOU, WHOEVER YOU ARE, b/c the alternative pitch, with Kara as Mattie and Lobo as Rooster, sounded awful.

Instead King went with, 'Kara will learn from the young naïf, and teach the young naïf.'

(Much better.)

MORE NEW, FUN TRIVIA!!!!

King said they had the first issue completely drawn, colored, and lettered--basically ready to go, and DC said, 'we can't publish this because Supergirl doesn't drink.'

King called Jim Lee, trying to make his case, that she was twenty-one, it was legal, it was a totally normal/human thing to do, and Lee was like, 'but we can't.'

King: Could I do it with Superman? Lee: Yeah.

Essentially it was a lot of tiptoeing around stuff like, 'girls can't get drunk and whatnot' coupled with 'Supergirl can't do that because she's perfect and pure.'

But! Lee ultimately was like, 'okay, you can leave the scene in, but you can't say she's drunk.'

So if you go back and read the actual dialogue/narration, there's no explicit language confirming that kara is three sheets to the wind.

(Which is so, so ridiculous to me because the art makes it very, very clear that she is. XD LOOPHOLES!)

King and the interviewers pointed out that this real world editorial incident ironically tied into one of the metanarratives of the character, that being the pressure placed on Kara, which Clark doesn't have to deal with.

Art imitating life etc. etc. XD

Feel like I've heard this bit in other interviews but it's sweet so it bears repeating: the green sun planet's name is based on King's nickname for his daughter, and she was the one who came up with the idea of a 'green sun planet' during a discussion at dinner one night.

So shifting gears a bit, the rest of the podcast focused specifically on various plot points that the interviewers wanted to discuss/had questions about; it's basically King offering his insights as the writer. And I really, really appreciate this, for reasons I'll get to further down. Now then, more summarizing!

One of the interviewers brought up a sticking point he had with the book: the execution of the Brigand in issue four. Ruthye says to Supergirl that she thought she would save him. To which Supergirl replies: Did you?

King explained that Ruthye and Kara are on opposite journeys in this book. In issue one, Kara is on the side of 'I don't kill, heroes never kill' and Ruthye is on the opposite side, 'Krem killed my father, I have to kill him.' At the end of the book, they are once again on opposite sides, but they've switched.

(I love the way King described it, that Ruthye becomes Supergirl, and saves Supergirl. More on this later.)

But specifically that part in issue four, where Kara doesn't step in, King confirmed that she's on that journey, she's going through that transition, but she hasn't crossed the line of, 'I'll kill him myself.' Rather, she's allowing the system to do what it will.

King also mentioned that this theme isn't especially new and has been examined in comics time and time again, of superheroes asserting their morality over governments, and how that spirals into fascism. He cited Kingdom Come, etc.

Further comments from King on Kara's character: she's conflicted, unlike Clark. Clark's soul and ideals are aligned one to one; Kara wants that. She loves those ideals and wants to uphold them, but she's not fully aligned like that because of what she's been through (read: She's Seen Some Things)

Loved this bit from King: "Supergirl's a little more human than Clark, in spite of being more alien."

King said DC probably would've let him have Supergirl kill Krem in the end, BUT (and it's a good 'but' tying into that earlier bit about Ruthye becoming Supergirl) he said that the theme of this book was 'what makes Supergirl awesome' (he admits this is kind of a dumb theme, but hard disagree, sir) and he liked that Kara's lessons to Ruthye are ultimately what saves her. Kara saves herself.

(STICK A PIN IN THAT ONE, FOLKS)

King once again stated, for the record, that Krem does not die in the end!

The two interviewers had differing interpretations, hence King needing to confirm. XD He even pulled out his script for issue eight, and the description does indeed say that Krem is unconscious, not dead.

And, AND, Evely even made this clearer in the art; the script didn't have Krem moving after Ruthye hit him, but Evely added Krem placing his hand on his head.

Another point the interviewers wanted to discuss: Ruthye writing that Supergirl had killed Krem.

King confirmed that this was to prevent the Brigands from retaliating against Ruthye, and instead focus on going after Supergirl.

In King's mind, Kara feels immense guilt that her father saved her over literally anyone else, so she spends her life taking on other people's pain, to make up for what she sees as taking someone else's spot on that ship.

The scene in issue seven, where Kara's falling through the atmosphere and pushes through in order to preserve the memories that she carries with her was inspired by events from King's life; his mother died unexpectedly, and when going through her things, realized that he was one of the only people who carried certain memories of his mother and grandparents; he described it as a kind of burden.

Last question from the interviewers: Why make Ruthye and unreliable narrator? Do we believe anything in this book, now?

King started off his answer by noting that he fought against using captions in his books for his entire career; by the time he started writing comics, caption boxes had sort of lost their vitality and had become the equivalent of thought balloons, which had long since fallen out of style.

But when he returned to them with Supergirl, he said, (and I have the full quote below)

King: "What I love about [captions] is that you can write things that contrast what's in the pictures, so that the captions can tell you a little bit of a different story than what you're seeing, and thereby enhance it--it's that idea of Ruthye being, she's narrating the story but we're seeing pictures of what's actually happening, creates an excellent sort of tension I think." (Bold mine)

And so, some THOUGHTS!

As always, I love learning new things about this comic. I wish this comic had a commentary track, with King (and Evely, Lopes, and Cowles!) talking about the creation/processes behind the book.

Next best thing is podcasts, I guess! XD

But IN ADDITION to fun, new information, as I mentioned at the outset, King has basically confirmed a bunch of stuff I mentioned in my deep dive posts.

To quote one of the interviews: "I was validated by Tom King!"

This also debunks like. Every bad-faith criticism lobbed at the book. It's almost like a checklist of the month-to-month stuff I was seeing from those aforementioned naysayers, complaining on twitter that King had ruined Kara beyond repair.

They'll likely never listen to this podcast, but I wish they would! I think it would make them feel better. XD Like, hearing the insights on Kara/Ruthye/etc has just reminded me once again how good this book is, and how emotionally moving.

Like, again, I love the way King sums up how Kara and Ruthye work together in this book to shine a spotlight on Supergirl; Kara teaches Ruthye lessons, Ruthye becomes Supergirl thanks to those lessons, Ruthye then saves Kara, thus Kara saves herself.

(Which hey, I touched on in my issue eight post, way back when.)

(I'm also beyond thrilled that my assumption that the art is the true account while the narration boxes are Ruthye's recounting was CORRECT.)

(Which isn't to suggest this is a terribly deep, difficult to decipher text. I mean. It's a monthly comic book intended for mass consumption, starring popular IP--the writing isn't inaccessible by any means. XD But I just remember seeing SO MANY PEOPLE deliberately misreading these specific points as a way to Stay Mad, so I'm relieved that my glass half full interpretations wasn't just the result of desperate Evely Stan goggles, you know? XD)

TL;DR: I cannot heckin' WAIT for that big, beautiful hardcover coming out in July (IDK if I've posted about it here yet but Lopes said he recolored some stuff so you BETTER BELIEVE I'll be back on my Woman of Tomorrow nonsense this summer) and I'm also thrilled that this entire creative team has returned with a new creator owned title (EXPECT A POST ON THAT...AT SOME POINT???)

#long post #supergirl: woman of tomorrow #supergirl: woman of tomorrow spoilers #dc comics

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sincerely-sofie · 9 days

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(ASimpleArchivist here!😊Returning the askbox love! You may have answered a question about this before, and if so I apologize haha)

What was your main inspiration for Ark’s personality/background for TPIAG? I totally get you mentioning that he’s the character you kind of focused on bc I’m that way with Dusknoir—most of the plot for my fic has been centered and/or woven around him (as well as Grovyle, can’t forget my other beloved boy), so I wondered if you kind of “worked backwards” in that sense for Ark, too, if that makes sense? Like I plotted everything around giving Dusknoir the biggest emotional impact with the canon storyline in mind.

Also…who out of your cast would be the best cuddler that you personally would want to snuggle? My Grovyle would be my vote bc I headcanon him as a touch-starved cuddle bug looking for anything remotely warm so he can get some real rest not having to worry about looking over his shoulder all the time😊

Thanks for the ask! I haven't answered either of these anywhere yet, don't worry about it.

The main inspiration for Ark's personality was essentially this: the idea that people start out good people, and their experiences in life and their interpretations of those experiences can either solidify that goodness or warp and distort it— and that no matter how twisted you are compared to what you once were, even if you can’t remember a time before you were bent and broken, you can return to that goodness.

As much as I focused on Ark, the central point of the fanfic as I developed it was always Twig. I wanted everything I wrote at the time to reflect on her in some way. This was how Ark became Twig's narrative foil. They were designed to parallel each other. Ark was mistreated by someone he relied on and it made him very angry and bitter at the fact no one (as far as he knows) stood up for him. Twig was mistreated by someone she relied on and it made her very angry and bitter, but instead of being angry at the world like Ark, she became angry at herself. At different points in their individual recoveries, they briefly flip-flop— Twig finds herself angry at the world and Ark becomes angry at himself (though neither of them feel angry to the same extent as they did before starting the healing process, thankfully). They're narrative foils through and through.

Basically, Ark was designed to reflect on Twig as much as she reflects on him (and also to be a semi-self-insert, but that's the case with literally everyone in the TPiaG cast, right down to Team Skull. Ark’s not special that way).

As for my personal cuddling choice… uh… Hm. One of the traits of mine that Ark inherited is being the world's worst recipient of physical contact. Twig would probably be my preference because she has experience handling people clamming up when she gives them hugs, and pays attention to when they get overwhelmed? It'd be a coin toss as to whether I'd be freezing enough to enjoy this or my long-COVID fevers would kill me upon contact.

#I’ve had other projects where I worked backwards from a desired emotional impact #but this wasn’t the case with TPiaG— or at least with Ark.#I’m realizing it might be a fun little behind-the-scenes post to share all of the sofie traits that I’ve injected into the PMD cast…#I might have to write that up.#transforming characters into vague self-inserts is the best part of writing for me hehe!#the present is a gift au #pmd darkrai #pokémon mystery dungeon #pokemon mystery dungeon #pmd explorers #pmd sky #pmd eos #pmd2 #pmd #sofie answers asks

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disgruntledkittenface · 6 months

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✨️ Twenty Questions for Fic Writers ✨️

Thank you @allwaswell16 and @haztobegood for tagging me! I love reading everyone's answers to these <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

60, including one cowrite

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

831,513

3. What fandoms do you write for?

One Direction. I use the BBC Radio 1 RPF tag for pairings with Nick Grimshaw, and I used the Shawn Mendes (Musician) one a few times, too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

you came into my life, caught up in your love affair, baby, you're the end of june, an honest mistake and tell me what you need

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I love replying to comments, even when I feel awkward about it. I really like getting replies from authors, I find it discouraging not to, so that's partly why. But a nice comment really makes me day, and I want to let people know I appreciate that. But I might miss one occasionally, and sometimes I don't reply if I think the commenter is being rude.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's probably my first fic, This Town. The whole fic is Niall processing Zayn leaving the band – but more importantly leaving him, and they don't get back together in the end. It's not my fault, Niall wrote a sad song! But also I was in the thick of grieving, so. That's what happened.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I almost, almost always write happy endings, so I could really pick this one at random lol, but I'll go with enough to make a girl blush. I really love how far Louis has come at the end of that fic and how happy she and Niall are together and how good they are together. Plus, I wrote a happy little timestamp for Harry and Zayn (count me in).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten comments that don't sit well with me, but not really. I did post a fic set at the beginning of COVID before I knew how bad it would get, and someone messaged me to say they were sorry about the hate it was getting... but I didn't see any?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes! I write smut that I find hot, girl direction and boy direction. When I started writing, I felt like I wrote absolutely terrible smut and I worked really hard to figure it out. Practice makes progress, baby.

10. Do you write crossovers? What the craziest one you've written?

I've written a couple of reality show AUs with the actual people from the shows in the fic – you came into my life and you wanna be on top? Nothing too crazy!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I think someone stole a shiall one-shot and posted it on Wattpad. Weirdly, I feel like I haven't made it because that doesn't happen to me more often.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! Most recently, someone asked if they could translate pink like the paradise found into Russian and they were so lovely.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I took part in a round robin for Nic's (@louandhazaf) birthday a few years ago! (Louis referring to merlot as the basic bitch of wines was me!) Co-writing has come up as an idea a couple of times, but the timing or idea etc has never been right.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I kind of have to fall deep for a pairing to write them, so I love a lot of pairings! Aside from larry, I think gryles might be my favorite. Something about the pining best friends who can't be together because of... REASONS just gets me where I live.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I had an idea for a lilo exes to lovers AU based on bennifer and I wrote a snippet that I really liked for it, but I felt like I was white washing Jennifer Lopez, if that's the right word? Like you can't separate her from the fact that she's Puerto Rican, so casting Louis in that role didn't feel right. I could try to figure out another way to approach it, but I don't really think I'll feel inspired enough.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm really good at continuity, and writing scenes with lots of people and involving all of them.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I always feel like I start sentences with "Niall did this" and "Harry did that" (sorry, writing narry at the moment). So, narration that's not action? Does that make sense?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it can be done effectively. I liked how the French worked in Darling, so it goes. It made sense to include because Harry moved to a country where he didn't speak the language. I tried to make the meaning of the French clear when Harry understood it, but I didn't include translations in the notes because Harry didn't understand a lot, and I wanted the reader in his shoes. I worked really hard on the French because I don't speak it, but I asked @somethingwittyorother to look it over and their feedback was incredibly helpful.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

One Direction!

20. Favorite fic you've written?

It's usually the last fic that I posted, so right now it's Suddenly Last Summer. I had the best time writing it and it was such a fulfilling creative outlet, and I just love it.

I'll tag: @crinkle-eyed-boo @uhoh-but-yeah-alright @neondiamond @kingsofeverything @louandhazaf @absoloutenonsense @homosociallyyours @nouies @onlythebravest

#twenty questions for fic writers #i love this game!#queer eye au #accidental courting au #nouis omegaverse #zouis au #grace kelly au #an american tragedy au #lilo bennifer au

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tobiasdrake · 22 days

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Ace Attorney 4-3, Investigation 1. In keeping with Gavin being surprisingly friendly for a prosecutor, I love the way 4-3 spins directly out of our developing relationship with him specifically.

Klavier Gavin is the only prosecutor ever to voluntarily hang out with the protagonist prior to the big conclusion of their arc. Some prosecutors have showed up to hang out in future titles; In fact, Gavin does too. But this is the first time we've actually been able to get to know them before the showdown.

And you can see why, too. Gavin's not only the friendliest prosecutor. He's also the only one who. Like. Has a life outside the courtroom. Other than Edgeworth being a sentai fanboy, I guess.

This one's going to have to be in two parts.

Rockstar prosecutor Klavier Gavin is a rockstar. So we're going to set a chapter of the story at a rock concert. His rock concert. What a great idea.

OH YOU CAN BARELY TELL THAT A MAN WROTE THIS

The least believable thing in the entire Ace Attorney universe is that the Gavinners somehow have a successful rock career. Rock is a counterculture movement, giving voice to the unheard.

It is physically impossible to get any farther from counterculture than literally cops. This is it. The extreme distant end from counterculture. Who the hell would buy cop-themed rock?

The Daily Wire wishes conservative media was as well-received as the Gavinners.

It's especially bizarre when you consider that we're in the Dark Age of the Law, a period of time when the criminal justice system is so widely known to be corrupt and brutal that pop culture came up with a name for it while it was still happening. Everyone knows that the justice system is broken and exists solely to persecute the innocent but we're all gonna buy tickets to watch a bunch of cops play guitars and cheer for how cool prosecutors are.

Nonetheless, this is such an unassuming setup for a murder. Why would there be a murder? We're here to make music. We're here to make cop music. Can we have one nice evening? But no. Gavin and his guest star Lamiroir take the stage and....

It does not go well. In fact,

It goes aggressively not well. Fortunately, the victim lives long enough to tell us that Lamiroir saw him get shot.

Romein here speaking in code to give us a riddle to solve. I usually hate cryptic moments like this when characters use a short window of opportunity to speak in cryptic tongues rather than deliver useful information. But with Romein, it makes sense. The man has been shot and ours is not his first language. He's wracking his brain right now to find correct enough words to use.

In any case, this sets up our crime for chapter 4-3. A classic Whodunit in an enclosed space - complete with a vanishing killer who somehow teleported out of the room despite us breaking in through the only exit moments after the gunshots were heard.

A limited number of people have access to this backstage area and half of them are cops. One of them shot Romein LeTouse. Which means now would be a good time to talk about the cast of characters involved in this case.

We have two sets of characters here. First is the guest singer Lamiroir and her entourage.

The mysterious and lovely Lamiroir, a famous international singer who is probably the real reason all those people are here. Come for the legendary international celebrity but also cheer for the fucking cops so they don't get mad and shoot tear gas into the crowd.

Siren of the Ballad Lamiroir is easily our most interesting character in this case. Not originally from her "home country" of Borginia, her entire persona is a manufactured illusion.

As well as her manager and translator Romein LeTouse whose name makes me sad that our local salad buffet place shut down during COVID. He's one of only two people involved with this case who can interpret for Lamiroir, who speaks only a foreign language. That's a problem, seeing as he's our vic--

Oh, never mind, she can speak Japanese "English" just fine. They were doing that for publicity. Convenient!

And her blind child pianist Machi Tobaye. He and Lamiroir seem like they make for quite a pair. These two, I can believe having a famous musical career. Machi, incidentally, can "also" only speak his native language just like Lamiroir but I'm sure that won't be important.

These two characters form an inseparable performance duo from a foreign land, whose relationship with each other and their late manager will carry much of the intrigue for this case.

The other key set of characters would be our cops.

Of course we have Ema Skye, our embittered forensic scientist whose talents are wasted as a field detective. Of course, she's definitely off the suspect list on account of the fact that she was with us when the gunshots were heard.

There's Prosecutor Gavin who is having the worst day. He probably didn't dunit but then again it wouldn't be the first time, would it?

And Detective Dickhead. His hair truly must be seen to be believed. He is attempting to pull off the Japanese Thug Pompadour in a way that can only be described as, "Hello, Officer."

Just like Ema, Gavin and Daryan both have airtight alibis as well.

It's hard to get a stronger alibi than "Thousands of people saw me onstage while the murder was taking place."

AND THEN THERE'S THIS ASSHOLE

That's it. That's all we get. Glimpses of the Golden Fucko as he bazingas around dodging attention. Okay, dude. Way to not look suspicious, I guess.

That's it. That is our small cast of characters aside. It's not a lot of people to look into. In fact, Mysterious Golden Fucko aside, nobody seems capable of fitting everything we know about this mystery.

Continued in part 2.

#ace attorney #ace attorney apollo justice #revisiting aa4

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the---hermit · 1 year

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19|11|2022

My months of rest and relaxation // day 11

So, today I did something I was really anxious about and had very mixed feelings for. Before covid hit a friend had gifted me a ticket to see my favourite band live, I have never been to a concert before, and she wanted to take me there with some friends. Of course covid hit and the concert was postponed a million times, and it should now be in December of this year. The thing is this friend who I loved dearly didn't ask me before getting these tickets, and didn't consider that crowded places give me anxiety and trigger panic attacks for me. Until it was a maybe project that was being postponed every 6 months it was fine, but last night something in my brain clicked and I realized I had to actually go there. I am not going to lie, I struggled to sleep all night, and today I wrote to my friend letting her know about this. I was honest and put my heart out for her, I'd love to but I don't think I can physically bring myself to go there in the crowd and all. I will gift my ticket back to her so she can go with her lovely boyfriend, and then they will tell me all about it after they go. Even talking about this with her gave me anxiety but I pushed myself to do it, and hopefully she will understand. I don't normally talk a lot about my panic disorder on here, but when I was at my worse with it hearing other people talk about it helped, so here I am being honest about the fact that yes I have grown so much, but large crowds still make me very uncomfortable, and I rather give up on something like this than feel sick again. With time I have learned to handle panic attacks, but I don't want to put myself in situations that I know will probably trigger one. I decided to take action and talk to her as soon as this anxiety became a thing for me, and to be honest I am proud of myself for doing it right away instead of procrastinete it and have this weight in my chest for days.

Productivity:

Finished reading Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree

Started reading Family Business by Jonny Sims and my goodness I am so excites about this

Ran some errands with my mom

Practiced Irish on duolingo

Self care:

Did not set an alarm

Spent a chill afternoon at a family's friend house with my mom drinking tea and talking about life

#studyblr #studyinspo #book #bookblr #journal #notebook #mine #studying #notes #myhoneststudyblr #hiyatranquil #productivity #self care #personal #my months of rest and relaxation #journaling #the---hermit

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dialux · 5 months

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Hello! Hope you're having a good day!! Idk if u got my previous ask, but I just wanted to know if you're still doing director's cut and if you are then could you do one for 'i imagined a dark world where the stars clamor to be inside us' aka the feanor and findis fic? I've read it so many times its insane and I just love it so much!! I'd love to know your thoughts when u wrote it

In your findis fic, at the end, is my understanding that feanor ended up making horcruxes or something adjacent to horcruxes right?

Combining these two bc I'm pretty sure they're from the same person!

Literally this started because of the LOTR/ASOIAF crossover AU, where Sansa's dropped into ME and mistakes Boromir for her father: I hadn't read LOTR in AAAAAAAGES and so I hopped onto Tolkien Gateway to learn more about the timeline. My search essentially went Boromir -> Third Age -> Age -> First Age -> Feanor -> SILM.

I then started reading the Silm (keep in mind this is in covid-lockdown in 2020) and found myself so absolutely disinterested in the Valar that I skipped all of it to go to chapter 6 (THEE Feanor chapter), and found myself very confused. So I hopped back onto Tolkien Gateway and used their incredibly useful family trees to keep everyone straight in my head. As I'm doing all of this, I'm struck by the similarities between the Finwean kids and the Stark kids, especially Findis/Sansa-- but at this point all I'm thinking is eldest daughter eldest daughter, nothing else. I put Findis into the crossover fic anyway (still know nothing about her apart from the TG page!) and get on with the rest of the Silm.

And then I find out that there are a number of similarities between Sansa and Findis beyond simple birth order, including favoring their mother, presumably being pious, etc etc. I start reading PoME and HoME. I start building an idea of Findis in my own head from, like, four lines total in all this reading.

Annoyed at the lack of canon material, I go to ao3. This is April of 2020; after filtering for languages, I get about a 100 works. I scan a few, but don't find the character I'm looking for. This is mostly because I've wholesale made this character up myself. I scowl at myself and sulk for a few days. Then I start writing. I post the story in a month's time, and in the process I've gotten so many feelings about the Silm that, a full three years later, I still haven't managed to deal with any of them.

Re: the story itself!! I personally think of the Finweans as a little bit incomprehensible, as more mythologized even to their own family than any normal elf; I wanted to explore that idea in the story, particularly how it feels when one person becomes a myth, and how it feels to be left behind when that happens. Feanor does it first, of course, but Findis isn't far behind-- chapter 2 is all about Feanor leaving Findis (and everyone else in his family, through Findis' eyes), but chapter 3 is very purposely from everyone's perspective but Findis, so we can see how it feels for them when she's walked away.

And yes, Findis does in fact create a couple of horcruxes. So does Feanor. They're good horcruxes, though, ig? Don't need murder, are simply like the... laboratory equivalent of soul fission, and yet with some ephemeral connection to the og soul. Afaik the Valar didn't ask before hallowing the Silms as well, so! Not exactly great when imperfect people have parts of their souls hallowed!

#if you have any more specific questions i'd love to answer #(even if i took months to get to this i'm so sorry :(((((()#dialux answers questions #anonymous #my writing #findis fic

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sally-mun · 11 months

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STORY TIME, GUYS

So over the holiday weekend (I think on Sunday) my mom and I were out doing a bunch of window shopping, largely just to celebrate that we’re fit to be around other humans again post-covid, and then we were going to grab some groceries and go home for the day. When we get to the grocery store, we see a car backing out of a space RIGHT up front, next to a cart corral. Whoo, score! I personally don’t really care where I park, but it’s better for my mom to be closer, so we go to take this car’s spot. As we’re approaching, though, we see that car then pull into another spot further back... Weird.

Well, it turns out that the car had backed out of the space we were going to take because the OTHER car in that space was literally stradling the line that separates cars forward/backward :| Like it wasn’t one of those times where a car pulled through just too short and their trunk was on our side, their BACK WHEELS were on our side. We realized this is exactly what the first car had gone through, so we too had to back out and look somewhere else.

Incidentally, we went around to the other side of the aisle and got a free spot directly on this shitty driver’s other side. I mentioned that I wished I could leave a note on the car’s windshield just saying the word “RUDE,” because this is so grossly inconsiderate, and my mom pointed out that there was in fact a pad of paper with a pencil in the backseat. So I did exactly what I said I would: I wrote “RUDE” in big letters and nothing else, and left it under the driver’s side wiper of that car. Because seriously, FUCKING RUDE, DUDE.

Anyway, as we’re gathering our shopping bags from the trunk, my mom and I note that our car is parked pretty crooked, so my mom decides to adjust it. She backs up and fixes it once, but I told her she was still a little off, so she does it a second time. As she’s exiting the car from this second adjustment, I realize that the rude driver is approaching his car. To exactly zero surprise, he’s exactly the entitled middle-aged white guy you’re thinking of right now, and he’s speaking very curtly into a cell phone as he approaches. At this point I’m DYING to see him react to getting called out (and anonymously, since he’d have no reason to think it’s from us), so I set the shopping bags on the tail of my mom’s car to straighten them up before we head into the store.

I see him get into his car straight away, apparently not noticing there’s a note on his window. For a second I think, oh my god, is he going to take off with it there and suddenly read it WHILE driving?? That would be funny, but sadly I wouldn’t get to see that. HOWEVER, a second later I see his door open up again and he very loudly says “WHAT THE FUCK?!” By now my mom and I don’t have any other excuse to linger and are walking past him to head into the store, and just as he’s leaving my periphery I see him snatch the note off the windshield, and then in a surprisingly whiny voice yelling “OH GOD BLESS IT!!” (because I guess he didn’t want to say something offensive after having already yelled the word “fuck”).

So my mom and I go in the store and we’re giggling about how satisfying it was, and we note how this guy had absolutely NO self-reflection in the matter. Like, it’d have been one thing if he’d noticed while approaching his car that his parking was way off, and been like, “Oh crap, I really beefed that,” and then when seeing the note took it in stride because, YEAH, that was pretty rude. Buuut no, this guy was just so pissed to have even BEEN called out. HOW DARE someone say, quietly and privately, that he’d done a rude thing!! We mused over how he was probably going to spin it when he told people about it later. Something something liberals, I’m guessing.

Anyway, we figured that was the end of the saga and just went about getting our groceries. We had a laugh over misreading a box, I saw a lady wearing an awesome dress and she let me take a picture of it, aaand every now and again I started laughing again over the rude driver. Just figured it’d be a nice little story for Tumblr, as I’m telling now.

WELL LITTLE DID WE KNOW, THE SAGA WAS NOT OVER. As we’re leaving with our cart, maybe 45 mins later or so, we see that our guy is STILL THERE -- and there’s a tow truck here now! Apparently after we’d gone inside he discovered in some way that his car wasn’t going to get him home. I don’t like promoting karma (I think it has an enormous moral blind spot), so shall we just say, this guy instantly got his comeuppance~ The guy was cranky and pouty and borderline tantrum-y with the tow driver, and I didn’t feel bad for him ONE BIT.

The thing is, I missed an opportunity to put a BEAUTIFUL bookend on the conclusion of this. After loading our groceries into the trunk, I went to put the cart in the cart corral, which as noted is on the other side of this dude’s car. Naturally, he’s standing DIRECTLY in front of where the large carts are meant to go, so I approach him and say “excuse me,” as I would with anyone. The guy completely ignores that I’m even there, and is still just scowling at the tow driver with his arms folded. (Note that the tow driver is BEHIND me in this situation, so he’s definitely facing me and knows I’m standing 2 feet away.) I say again, louder, “EXCUSE ME,” and he finally glances briefly at me and takes one (1) step forward, aka only half unblocking the corral. At this point I’ve had enough of this guy and just push my cart forward anyway, colliding with his ass and leaving him feeling even more like he’s the victim of the day.

But what I should’ve done was just locked eyes with him and said, “RUDE.” And then driven into the sunset while the guy’s head slowly caved in.

#again I know I normally don't share personal stories here #but this was TOO GOOD to not share laskjdflaksel

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ladylooch · 9 months

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Letters in Your Last Name - Chapter 20

A/N: If you made me answer, in some way, what my absolute favorite chapter of this whole entire story is... it's this one. I have re-read this chapter over 100 times since I wrote it. It brings me comfort and joy!

Word Count: 5.5k

Warnings: SMUT 18+ Content, Swearing, fluffy.

The middle of September in Minnesota is always one last burst of electric colors right before the reality of winter begins to settle around us. It’s a combination of the brightest reds, yellows and oranges as the leaves and greenery prepare for the incoming cold. For Kevin and I, it reminds us just how close we are to the season starting.

We returned to the United States a week and a half ago, and after a brief quarantine with negative COVID tests, we are free to visit family again. We are currently on our way to surprise Alex, Felicia and the kids before getting sushi at our favorite spot in St. Paul. Kevin was the one who suggested the pop in visit, even though we will be seeing the adult Stalocks tonight for dinner.

Kevin is driving and has been unusually quiet today. Ever since we woke up, he is pensive, muted, and subdued. Unnervingly so for my usually goofy and boisterous boyfriend. In fact, I don’t think he’s looked me in the eye all morning. I reach over to his thigh and give it a squeeze. He removes one hand from the steering wheel and then laces our fingers together. I purse my lips and look at our entwined hands, before letting my eyes dance up his defined jaw to his eyes.

“Hi.” I say, squeezing his hand.

“Hi.” Kevin murmurs, but doesn’t take his eyes from the road.

“Is something wrong with my face today?” I joke.

“What? No?” He finally glances at me with a questioning look.

“Oh! So you can turn your head and look at me.” I scrunch my nose at him.

“I’m watching the road, babe.”

“Okay. But you barely looked at me this morning in the apartment too. What gives?”

“Just happy to be out of the house.” I squint my eyes in disbelief and wait until his eyes meet mine again.

“Something is up with you.” I insist, looking away from him and shifting deeper into my seat.

“Nothing is up.” He assures me bringing my hand to his mouth and kissing it gently.

Mhm, sure Kev. I think to myself. A fleeting wave of irritation seeps into my mind at how he is acting. Then the nervousness… Why would he be acting so weird? I think back to our summer in Europe and can’t pinpoint a time when he was so distant. Now, we are back to what is our “normal” life and he immediately creates space between us. Uh oh… is he having doubts about us? By the time we pull into the Stalock driveway, I am a ball of anxious nerves. When I see my two kiddos and their parents though, it all fades into the background.

“Auntie!” Sawyer and Serena scream and begin rushing towards us. Tears pinch my eyes at their excited faces and I fall to my knees in the grass to catch them both in my arms.

“Oh my gosh! My two favorite kids in the whole wide world!!!” I sing-song to them and rock them both together. They giggle incessantly and we share big smiles. “Did you miss me as much as I missed you?”

“More.” Sawyer sweetly says to me.

“What about me?” Kevin wonders from behind us. Serena immediately disentangles from me and rushes to Kevin’s arms.

“Hi Kevin.” She murmurs to him, petting his hair during their hug. I can’t help but laugh; She’s so in love with him.

“Hey, quit hogging them!” Alex jokes as him and Felicia come wandering to where we are standing. “Sam, you look so different now that you’re an international traveler. So euro chic.” Alex smirks at me.

“Ha.” I laugh and flip him the bird by pretending to scratch an itch. “Missed you, Al.” He wraps me into a tight hug.

“I’m kidding. Mostly you just look happy.” His tone becomes more sincere. “But we weren’t expecting to see you until later?”

“Yeah, we are going to sushi in St. Paul and thought we would swing by quick while the kids were here.”

“Wow, you are fancy now. Sushi and Parlour today?” He notes of the expensive, American style restaurant we are meeting them at.

“Well, Kevin is a multimillionaire so…”

“Sick brag.” He rolls his eyes.

“Like you’re not.” Felicia scoffs at him with an eye roll of her own.

“Kev, I’m glad you’re here actually. I have something to show you in the basement.” Alex jerks his head towards the door. “I got a new gadget this summer that I think you’ll like.” Kevin nods in immediate understanding and sets Serena back on her feet to follow my brother.

“What gadget?” I ask, wrinkling my nose at the weird change in conversation. I watch as Alex and Kevin murmur quietly to each other before disappearing into the house.

“Boy stuff.” Felicia shrugs. “I’m sure next he will show Kev his new John Deere lawn mower.”

“He did not.” I gasp at Felicia who shakes her head wordlessly.

“Don’t even get me started…”

“So, Kevin is acting weird.” I say to her once the front door shuts behind the boys.

“What do you mean?” She asks.

“He like… won’t look at me? He’s barely spoken to me all day. And he is just.. being weird! He’s not himself…” I trail off, narrowing my eyes at the closed front door.

“I’m sure he’s just anxious for hockey to start.” She waves dismissively. “I wouldn’t be too concerned. Your brother has been weird too since being ruled out for the season. Hockey players struggle with change. And the beginning of the season is always a lot.”

At the end of last season, Alex’s physical in Edmonton still didn’t look quite right after his heart condition. After a few more tests and seeing several specialists both here and in Edmonton, Alex made the decision to sit out for this year and let his heart continue to recover. Although hockey has been his life for a majority of his days, it’s not worth the actual risk of losing his life to continue to push forward. At this point, his future is up in the air and he is taking it day by day while focusing on recovery.

“Maybe.” I bite my lip. “I’m just nervous that maybe he’s having doubts…”

“About you?” She gives me an incredulous look. “Yeah, right. You spent the whole summer together in Europe, met his family, passed every test with flying colors, came back to the U.S. and he was like ehhhh I don’t know about her. Sam, the guy is crazy in love with you.” She finishes with a very pointed look.

“Yeah.. you’re right.” I shake my head and push the uncertainty from my mind. “Can I steal a bottle of water?”

“For sure. The kids wanted a snack anyway.”

We head into the house and grab the kids applesauce pouches, which they happily take back outside to keep playing in the driveway. Sawyer is shooting a ball at the hockey net and Serena is drawing with chalk. I grab my bottle of water and open it, sucking down a few sips of the cool liquid.

“I’m excited for tonight.” I say to her. “It will be nice to catch up after being gone all summer.”

“Yeah for sure! I want to hear all about your travels.”

“It was pretty incredible. His family is just…” I trail off and put a hand on my heart. “The sweetest. I’m so glad we got to spend so much time with them before we came home. Renata and I have been texting about when they should come visit us here.”

“Mom!” Sawyer comes dancing back into the kitchen. He tugs at Felicia’s hand. ”I’m still hungry.”

“You guys could come to sushi with us.” I offer, glancing at the basement door and wondering what is taking the boys so long. “They have teriyaki chicken and rice for the kids.”

“Thanks for the offer, but Al is going golfing soon and is supposed to take the kids with him while I go get my nails done. They were going to grab some food there.”

“Got it. Well, that will be fun too. Sawyer, go grab your dad and uncle Kev.” I shoo him to the basement door. We hear his galloping footsteps returning a few minutes later.

“Dad said they will be up soon.”

“What are they looking at down there?” I ask Sawyer.

“A red box.” He shrugs after grabbing a sip of his own water bottle.

“Ah… Sawyer go get your sister. You two need to get ready to go.” Felicia interjects, turning Sawyer’s shoulders towards the front door. I give Felicia a confused look.

“A red box?” I question, turning my palms up.

“Uh.. yeah he got a new box.. a... a tool box. Sorry the word escaped me for a second.” She waves her hands at me.

“And he wanted to show Kevin that? Maybe he’s going to teach him how to use some of those things. I’m pretty sure Kevin has never even picked up a hammer.” I joke.

Footsteps from downstairs can be heard again, but this time the adult males emerge from the basement.

“Kev’s coming golfing with us.” Alex announces as he enters the kitchen with Kevin in toe.

“Wait, what?” I sputter, taken aback. First of all, we were supposed to be going to lunch. Second, to my knowledge, Kevin doesn’t golf.

“Yep. Say goodbye.” Alex gestures before walking from the kitchen.

“Babe?” I question as he walks towards me.

“It sounds like fun.” Kevin shrugs in a way that is supposed to be nonchalant but comes out like an awkward dance of his broad shoulders.

“I thought we were going to sushi?” I pout. “And you’re just going to leave me here?”

“You and Felicia go.” He tells me as he pulls his wallet out and puts $200 in my hand.

“Okay, no. I can pay for lunch, that’s not my point.” I say as I attempt to give him the money back.

“Kevin!” Alex yells from the entry way.

“Gotta go.” Kevin tells me as he begins to walk towards my brother. “I’ll come grab you from here after.”

“Hey..” I pull at Kevin’s arm to stop him from walking passed me. I slowly slide my hands up his chest, linking them at the back of his neck. “Are you okay?” I wonder with a breathy laugh to showcase my confusion. “Did I do something…?”

“No, baby. I’m good. Just want to spend some time with your brother.” He assures me quickly, almost too quickly. “I’ll see you later.” He leans down and gives me a kiss that would knock my socks off if I was wearing any. I am dazed as he pulls away and strides from the kitchen, following Alex out the door. The kids run excitedly to Alex’s truck once they are all outside.

“He’s just going to leave me here.” I mutter, looking over at Felicia who just shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Want to go to lunch?” I ask holding up the money Kevin gave me. “Apparently it’s on Kevin.” I laugh.

“Oh yes! Let’s go get sushi! And you can come with to the salon, so we can both get our nails done for tonight!” She exclaims excitedly. “Girls day!” She calls as she rushes from the kitchen to grab her purse.

I shake my head in response, wondering if we should call the gas company.

Everyone in this house is acting like they’re high on something. _ _ _

The satisfying sound of heels clacking against concrete greets mine and Felicia’s ears as we step out of her SUV in the North Loop of Minneapolis. We are meeting the boys at Parlour in a few minutes. Apparently their golf game went too long and they didn’t have time to grab us from the Stalock house before our reservation. I’m looking forward to teasing Kevin about his golf game being the reason for their late day. Mostly though, after his weird behavior earlier, I’m glad to be spending the night together before he leaves for California. Felicia was gracious enough to swing by our apartment so I could change prior to dinner.

“I can’t believe pre-season is already here.” I tell Felicia as we step out of the parking garage and onto Washington Avenue. “This off-season went so fast.”

“Of course it did. You were running around Europe with the love of your life. Plus, time flies when you spend the whole day in bed.”

“Hey, we went site seeing.” I insist with a large grin.

“Sure you did.” She nudges me with her shoulder causing me to burst out laughing. “The start of the season is always exciting. Plus, Kevin is set to have a huge year.”

“Yeah he is! I’m really looking forward to having a relatively normal season. Actually being able to go to the games and have fans again is going to be huge.” I reach for the door of the restaurant and pull it open.

I step inside and immediately stop in the doorway. The restaurant, which is a very popular spot in Minneapolis, is completely empty. I glance behind me to Felicia, giving her a concerned look.

“Are we in the right place?” I whisper to her, glancing around again. Maybe they moved to a different building? She smiles as she steps towards me, handing me a single red rose that she did not have a minute ago.

“You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be, Sam.” I take the rose from her, feeling very perplexed as to what is going on. I slowly turn back to the restaurant. Again, it’s seemingly closed for the night and covered with rose petals, candles, and shimmery balloons. Candles are scattered throughout the space and champagne is chilling in buckets of ice. It looks set for some sort of private event.

“Felicia?” I turn back around, but she’s gone. The door is slowly closing shut again. “What is happening?” I mutter under my breath. Thankfully, a person who is seemingly with the restaurant appears. He motions towards the back of the restaurant that I know leads to a gorgeous patio that makes you forget you’re in the middle of a big city.

“Sam, Kevin is waiting for you on the patio.”

Everything inside of me stills.

Roses, champagne, Kevin’s behavior today, Felicia insisting I getting my nails done.

Oh my god. Is… Is this happening?

I swallow and nod because speaking feels completely impossible. The only sound in the restaurant is my feet scraping the wood floor as I steadily make my way to the back door. My heart flutters and butterflies have swarmed my stomach. Everything in me wants this. Desperately. I am hesitant as my hand reaches the cool metal and I push the door open. I step onto the patio, one foot forward, then the next one, until I’m around the corner of the building.

When I see him, I know.

I immediately cover my face with my hands as tears fill my eyes. As I pull my hands away, Kevin holds his out to me with a beaming smile. I let out a breathy, excited laugh as I step towards him. The patio has been transformed for this moment. String lights hang down on the brick wall behind Kevin along with pictures of our life together. In the middle of it all is a bright sign that spells out Kevin + Sam in white neon. Candles are lit all along the patio, and the same red rose petals from earlier lead me towards our future.

“Hi baby.” He says to me. He looks so delectable in his maroon suit. He’s wearing a simple, white shirt beneath with a solid black tie. Our hands connect and he pulls me towards him, finishing with a tender, affectionate kiss. I try to gain some semblance of composure before I speak.

“Hi.” I say back, trying to keep my body from shaking with excitement. He pauses for a moment, stepping back to take me in fully before returning his gaze to mine. I can feel the nervousness buzzing in his hands. He pulls in a deep breath, before he continues.

“Sam, when I moved to Minnesota, all I wanted was a fresh start. I wasn’t looking for anything like this. Things in Nashville were tough. Living in America felt like a means to an end. Every off-season, I would get on the first flight out to go back to what felt the most like home to me. That all changed when I met you. I hated returning to places that I used to dream of when I was here. Leaving you in America left me with a loneliness that life in Europe couldn’t fill. When I left last year because of COVID, I faced a difficult truth. Those places aren’t home to me anymore; it’s wherever you are.”

I close my eyes briefly as a single tear slips down my cheek. Kevin reaches out and brushes it away. I lean into his touch and open my eyes, Kevin a blur through my tears.

“I can’t imagine my life without you. This last year and a half has been hard. But you’ve been beside me through each moment. Before you, my only life goals were hockey related. Now, I want you to be my wife as much as I want to win the Stanley Cup.” My grin somehow stretches wider and he squeezes my hand at the recognition.

“You’re the perfect woman for me and the better half I need for the rest of my life. The only thing I want to change about you is the letters in your last name.” He pulls away and reaches for the red box in his pocket. He pops it open and bends down on one knee. I let out an audible gasp before bringing my hand to my mouth. The ring is exquisite. I want time to stand still as I take in the sight of him kneeling confidently before me. I bite my lip harder as it begins to quiver. “Samantha Stalock, you are my forever. Will you marry me?”

I bounce excitedly on my heels as I take in the gorgeous, 3 karat, halo cut diamond. The large stone is completely encircled by smaller diamonds, even more of them dancing down the band, with all the jewels held in a platinum setting. The stones reflect every strobe of light, twinkling so beautifully in the night. It’s breathtakingly stunning. Just like the man kneeling before me, asking for me to be his wife. There’s only one answer for him and it comes out in an excited sob:

“Yes!”

Kevin stands, grabbing my arms and tugging me in tightly to his chest. His lips find mine in a warm smooch while we exchange excited I love yous. He pulls away laughing, grabbing my left hand as more tears spill over my lashes. The photographer, who I didn’t even notice until right now, clicks away next to us as Kevin places the gorgeous, Cartier ring on my finger. When he’s done, he wraps his arms tightly around me again. I hold him close, feeling the energy vibrating off of him.

“Forever with you is a dream come true.” I tell him, holding his cheeks in my hands, bringing his face back to mine. Kevin pulls my lip into his mouth, lifting me into his arms. I lose myself in our kiss. Everything fades away and it’s just me and him with this reality of forever. I want to bottle this feeling and keep it in my heart always. “You were so weird earlier today. I was so confused!” I say to him when my heels hit the concrete again.

“Yeah, I couldn’t keep it together. I almost blurted out to you in the car that I was proposing tonight. That’s why Alex was forcing me to leave.”

“I thought that was so weird! I was like, why is he leaving me here!?” I laugh.

“I swear, at one point earlier this week, I almost dropped down in the kitchen without the ring because I didn’t want to wait anymore.” He nuzzles my nose, kissing me after in a way that makes my knees weak.

“This is perfect.” I tell him

“Good.” He nods to me, reaching for my left hand and looking at the ring. “Do you like this? Felicia and Laura helped me. If you want something else, we can find it.”

“Oh my god, Kevin, this ring is incredible.” I watch as it sparkles in the twinkling lights of the patio.

“It had to be to be worn by this incredible woman.” I blush and let out a tiny laugh. “My incredible woman. Forever.” Kevin finishes. “I love you.” He says it in a way that shows the depth and I feel warmth grow inside my chest.

“I love you, Kev.”

The photographer approaches us and begins to pose us for pictures. Each picture includes plenty of smooching, ring flashing, and holding each other. At one point, Kevin pops open a bottle of champagne and we cheer at the bubbles that spill out around our feet. Kevin truly thought of everything. I feel breathlessly happy as I sip on the bubbly liquid. The bubbles do nothing to settle my stomach and I don’t care. I never want to let go of this feeling. This moment has been magical- more than I could have ever expected.

“We should go inside.” Kevin says after the photographer disappears into the restaurant.

“Oh yeah, Felicia and Alex.. dinner.” I nod.

“Yeah.” He nods his head. “Felicia and Alex are in there.” We walk towards the door and he holds it open for me “After you.”

“You just want to see my ass in these jeans.” I joke.

“Damn right.” He slaps a cheek and then goes back for a greedy grope.

“Don’t start something you’re not going to finish.”

“I’ll be finishing that later.” He replies firmly. My heart speeds up in response, knowing our bed is getting a workout tonight.

When I step into the hallway, I feel like I’m floating back into the restaurant, Kevin’s hand is on the small of my back leading me through. We enter the large restaurant space from the hallway to a cheering crowd.

“Ah!” I yell in surprise, stepping back into Kevin who is laughing. His hands go to my hips and he gives them a squeeze. I bring my hand to my throat, closing my eyes and letting out a relieved sigh. In the excitement of the proposal, I completely forgot about what the restaurant looked like when I walked in. It sure is set for a celebration: ours!

“Thank God you said yes.” Kevin murmurs close to my ear as he encourages me forward.

Standing at the front of the group with beaming smiles is my family. My mom hugs us both first and then grabs her phone from my dad. I grin excitedly when I see both Renata and Jan on the screen.

“Look!” I wave my left hand excitedly to them. They express their congratulations and wishes of being there with us in person. After a few more minutes of excitement, Kevin tells them in Czech that we will call tomorrow to chat more. Next, my brothers line up for their hugs and congratulations. Nick hides his tears with a cough that his wife, Megan, rolls her eyes at. We both share a shrug, then we embrace.

“Surprise!” Felicia laughs as she pulls me in for the next hug. “Congrats, Sam! We are so thrilled for you, and for Kevin to join the family.. officially. I have to say, it was really hard to get you off the scent today.”

“Thank you.” I tell her. “I feel like you did a pretty good job. I just casually felt like I was overreacting all day.” She grimaces and mutters a sincere sorry. I hug her once more and releasing her to move towards my other brother who is surprisingly choked up.

“Al.” I give him a sympathetic look. “It’s okay. We will make Kevin become a Stalock.” I tease him, glancing over at my fiancé who shrugs in response.

“Whatever I need to do to keep you forever.”

“Yeah, happy wife, happy life will serve you well with Sam.” Nick jokes to him.

“I think Kevin is very aware of what he is getting into.” Alex says. He opens his arms to me and I step into his chest. He gives me a tight squeeze and I can feel the emotion in his voice. “Congrats. I love you”

“Love you. A lot.” I say as we share a small smile.

“Al, thanks for letting me date your sister.” Kevin jokes to him as they slap hands and hug.

“You and I both know I had no choice in that.” We all let out knowing laughs. “Love ya, bud. I’m thrilled to be getting another brother.”

More champagne finds its way to us and we make the rounds, saying hi, giving hugs and accepting well-wishes for our future. Most of the Wild team is here. The WAGS snap pictures with me and we all bubble excitedly about the upcoming year starting off on such a high note. As the night goes on, I find myself by Kevin less and less. We are being pulled in so many different directions that it is hard to stay in one area together. Finally, I break myself out of a conversation with Lauren, Felicia, and Kelly Talbot, dipping to the bathroom for a break. When I exit a few minutes later, Kevin is leaning against the wall, waiting for me.

“Come dance with me.” He encourages, taking my hand and leading me back to the open space.

Never Til Now by Ashley Cooke is playing softly and several other couples have stepped together to sway to the music.

“Hi.” I breathe out to him. “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you.”

“Everyone wants a piece of us.” The fingers of his right hand lace with my left and he pulls my hand closer to his face to look at my ring.

“Admiring your work?” I ask him, a joyful glint in my eye.

“I scored a lot of goals to be able to afford this.” He jokes, letting my hand fall to a more natural position.

We step closer together and sway in sync with the music. I let out a happy sigh as his jaw brushes against my temple. I close my eyes and rest my face gently against his shoulder. Being in his arms like this is all that I’ve been wanting. My mind begins to play the day back and a realization comes over me. I slowly pull back to look at Kevin’s face.

“You were downstairs in the safe with Alex this afternoon.” I say to him.

“Yes.”

“That is the red box Sawyer was talking about. When he came upstairs, I asked him what you two were looking at and he said a red box.”

“Also, yes.”

“Sneaky, Kevin Fiala.” I narrow my eyes at him. “You keep secrets a little too well from me.”

“Only the good ones.” He promises, leaning forward and connecting our lips. When he pulls away, another epiphany hits me.

“We haven’t seen Al and Felicia since we got back. Did you buy the ring before we went to Europe?”

“Yes, I did. In fact, I bought that ring at the beginning of last season, right after I returned from Sweden. Alex has been keeping it for me.”

“What?” I pause, surprised. “Why did you wait so long!”

“Because you were obviously still a little unsure about us.” Kevin responds honestly and without frustration. “It felt important for you to have the summer in Europe and meet my family so that when you said yes, you were ready for all of this.”

“I’ve never been unsure about you.” I insist. I stop swaying to the music and hold his cheeks so he knows I’m serious. “I just wanted to know I fit. I didn’t want to be this person who came in and repainted your whole world.”

“Too late.” He leans forward and kisses my lips.

“Kev, I’m serious.”

“Baby, I know. None of that matters anyway. You said yes. Although, you promised me a million and only gave me one.” My mouth drops open and I let out a laugh.

“Ask me again then.”

“Will you marry me?” The words drip out of his mouth in a heavy whisper.

“Yes.. yes… yes.. yes.. ye-“ Kevin’s lips cut me off and we both laugh into our kiss.

When we walk into our apartment hours later, I moan a sigh of relief when I step out of my heels. I shrug my jacket off my shoulders and turn to look at Kevin as he closes and locks the door behind us. He leans his back against it and begins to tug at his tie to loosen it. I watch him with hungry eyes, slowly running my tongue along the edges of my top teeth.

“I hope you’re going to keep your promise from earlier tonight.” I say to him. He tugs his tie all the way through and the ends swinging teasingly down his chest. He begins to work at the buttons at his throat.

“What? About marrying you?” He wonders innocently. “Probably not tonight.”

“No, about finishing what you started.” I whisper to him as I place my hands on his chest, running my fingers up until I reach where his hands are still working on his buttons. I push them aside and continue his work. He melts into the door further as I finish the last button, brushing my hands dangerously close to his zipper. My fingers dance along his bare skin and go to his shoulders, shoving the white shirt to the floor with his suit jacket. “All night, I’ve wanted this.” I confess, kissing along his right collar bone and into the crook of his neck. Kevin’s hands go to my hips and pull me flush with him. He slowly moves my hips into him so I can feel how ready he is.

“This is all yours… for the rest of your life.” He reminds me. I can’t help the large grin that breaks out on my face. “Samantha Fiala.” He whispers into my ear while dragging out each vowel of my future name. His teeth catch my ear lobe and I sigh, dissolving into him. I wrap my hand around his neck and bury my face into it as he scoops me into his arms. My hot breath dances against his bare skin. He shivers in response.

When we reach our room, he sets me on the bed. I watch through lowered lids as his hands glide up my legs and tug my jeans down. He helps me pull my panties and shirt off until I’m naked beneath him. He undoes his belt and steps out of his pants, then his boxer briefs. In seconds, he is over me and his lips are on mine. As his tongue enters my mouth, he slowly inches into me. The combination of the tenderness of his body and the night has my heart swelling in my chest. I’m overcome with the emotions of it all and wrap myself tighter into him. As close as we are, it still doesn’t feel like enough. The only noises that fill the room are heavy breathing and our skin connecting.

“Baby?” I call softly to him, noting how quiet he is. In the dark, I can’t see his face well, so I hesitantly reach out for his jaw. He lets out a low groan and drops his head to my shoulder as he increases the tempo.

“Fuck, Sam, I love you so much.” He tells me earnestly as he pulls away to look into my face. “Having you like this for the rest of my life.. fuck me.” He lets out a laugh that ends as a moan. I bite my lip and giggle to him, feeling the intensity tighten within me with each movement of his hips.

Later, when we come crashing down from our high, we lay in each others arms. My head is on Kevin's chest listening intently to each thud of his heartbeat. I draw lazy shapes on his pec and feel comfort in the steady rising and falling of him beneath me.

“This will do.” I murmur to him while looking at the beautiful ring glowing in the darkness.

“The ring?”

“All of it. The ring, the sex, the man.”

Kevin responds by kissing the top of my head softly and tightening his grip on my naked body.

In moments, we drift to sleep in the unfailing glow of forever.

#letters in your last name au #kevin fiala #Kevin Fiala Fic #los angeles kings #my writing #hockey fan fiction #hockey writing #NHL writing

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thisselflovecamebacktome · 5 months

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Help I was never that invested in their relationship while it was happening: what cracks around Red TV and also what about the Betty speeches???

In all fairness, neither was I. This is all just what I gathered/put together from seeing what other people were blogging and the music Taylor was releasing, so people are free to correct me on all of this.

So a lot of fans saw what they deemed inherit (so like would be the case for any relationship) red flags and cracks in the relationship years before the breakup. Some of these I agreed with (a sense of romanticism/lack of accountability of Joe's actions that negatively affected the relationship, him missing events, her seemingly always travelling for him but not vice versa etc) and others I did not (the fact that they weren't married despite being together for years).

In early 2021, I made a comment that I found it very weird and off putting that Joe, someone who would later to have been deemed to have worked enough to get a Grammy for the album, was not at the Grammys when Folklore won album of the year. I was absolutely torched for it despite noting that there was already a pattern of him not showing up and that Folklore/Evermore implied they had issues (because, for example, why would she be lumping him in with her biggest heartbreaks in Hoax if things were good between them?). Like everyone and their mother sent hate about how I was a covid denier because it was clear the only reason he wasn't there was due to covid restrictions despite the fact again, he worked on the album and everyone else who worked on the nominated albums were there. Joe also started filming Conversations With Friends within the 2 months after the Grammys and had been announced to be doing so by the time the Grammys were on, so it wasn't that he was above going out for work related stuff.

Later on, we learned from Aaron that Would've Could've Should've and arguably more importantly, High Infidelity was written on the Grammys trip. To me this confirmed that there were cracks in the relationship from at least this time because it showed the impact that not seeing John/having her partner there to back her up had but also, the only other song being mentioned being about the guy she wrote "I didn't have a partner that I climbed it with that could, like, high-five. I didn't have anyone I could talk to who could relate to what I was... shouldn't I have someone that I could call right now?" about being written at that time and the parallel of Calvin not showing up in 2016 and Joe not showing up in 2021 was loud to me.

As time went on, Joe started not showing up to more things (despite his family showing up, so it's not that he couldn't) and during RED (Taylor's Version)'s release week, everyone here picked up on the fact that she seemed to not be doing well mentally. At the time it was put down to "She wanted Joe there but life got in the way and he had to work", with some going as far as to assume that an agreement had been made between them that he'd be there just for him to break that agreement and to 'fix' it, Taylor had travelled to be with him. This was also the trip that her and Jack started their portion of Midnights, and, from today, we now know that You're Losing Me was written within the month of that. So to many people, until today, this was the first crack in the relationship in their opinion. But like I said, to me it felt like there were issues there for a while now, and certainly throughout that year, something that has been confirmed now.

Midnights is then released last year and most people picked up that it was an album in which Taylor was going through her failed relationships to see what went wrong and prevent that happening with Joe. A lot of people also notice that marriage is a big theme and start wondering how much of the naysayers concerns were right in the way of like did Taylor really just want to stay in that "Lavender Haze" or was she settling. Discussions on the matter seemed to quieten down when they were getting the house together in the US because it was forward movement. But looking at it in this light, it does make a lot of us question if he only proposed to keep her quiet and have her not leave. As an aside note, this was the biggest revelation of You're Losing Me to me because like I was team "just because he hasn't proposed at this point doesn't mean he's never going to or that she's unhappy at that aspect" because I know and have been in many relationships like that where I was perfectly happy. The issues I saw with them weren't about that at all and this is yet another thing he messed up in my eyes if that makes sense.

Either way, we're now skipping forward to this year. Joe has missed several more big events and Taylor eventually cuts it off, seemingly due to him not showing up to Eras Tour being the final blow. In the shows that followed, her Betty speeches change drastically with a big focus being on men giving genuine apologies and not proposing. The albums with You're Losing Me are also legally released in the US via the shows then later world wide with the exception of Australia (great night for memes, but I still don't understand why we weren't included as a side note lmao). Everyone at the time assumes it was written post breakup. Like even with me, I assumed it was about the 2021 period, but was written in 2023 because I figured there was no way he would have heard this, which I believe he had, like couples share everything like this, and not done everything he could to actually fix it, not just give a bandaid solution. But apparently not.

So yeah, that's what you missed on Glee I guess. Basically TLDR: There were issues for far longer than most people thought, and even though I was one of the people who did see it, I hate it for Taylor's sake that I was right, and am just glad that she's left that situation to be honest.

#taylor swift

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mythoughttherapy · 5 months

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I was asked whether I could remember what the nicest thing someone had ever done for me was. A few things came to mind:

- A couple of summers ago, I went to collect an order. It was a tower fan so the box was quite big and bulky. I parked right in front of the store and though I probably don’t look very strong, I was managing fine, but a guy saw me and came over and put it in the car for me. He didn’t have to do that but he did, and after the awful day I had had, I really thought that was so kind.

- A long time ago, a friend I had at the time bought different herbal teas for me back from a trip. I had mentioned what I was drinking once and the fact that they remembered meant everything to me. It was the attention to detail that felt so lovely.

- I have a medical condition and my friend will not meet me if she ever has anything she’s scared she could pass on because she knows that it’s harder for my body to handle what might be considered minor to another person. She would always take a Covid test before seeing me just in case. I never asked her to, but the consideration showed me she really cared.

- I don’t know if this can be considered as something someone has done for me but, in my sixth form leaver’s book, someone wrote that I was the kindest person they’d ever met. That will stay with me forever ♡

#on kindness

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simpingcowboy · 1 year

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100 FOLLOWER MILESTONE!!!

Firstly, I just wanted to thank any and everyone who has supported me <3 I wasn't sure what exactly to do for a 100 follower milestone (plus like ~15 more of you who got here within the last 4 day. You're part of this too, hi.) So I thought I'd just say a bit about myself and how I got involved with the Pedro fandom as I think it's a bit funny :)

Hello! For starters you can call me Am or A :) I go by She/They/He pronouns absolutely any of those are fine to use. I'm 21 years old and live in Chicago, IL in the US though I'm originally from Seattle! I'm Zapotec Mexican and American Lakota and just a littleee Polish (my love for perogies has to count for something right??)

Abit of what I do IRL! I work as a barista at [redacted mega green coffee corporation]! Though I do some side gigs with my poetry and painting. I'm also very into furbies!!! I have lots of them. My DS is my bestie. I unironically play the silly bands game (don't judge me). I'm also very involved in my local drag scene! Yes, I am that type of ✨gay✨ I love surrounding myself with queer creatives here and IRL!

Let's talk about how I ended up in the Pedro fandom. So it actually starts...with my ex 😅 who had a MASSIVE crush on Mr. Pascal. We'll just refer to him as X. Truthfully, I didn't care much for most newer Star Wars stuff as it was primarily a nostalgia thing for me, but eventually X convinced me to watch ✨The Mandalorian✨ with him. Now he didn't actually TELL ME that we were watching it so he could see if I also thought Pedro Pascal was hot or not...X would just continually ask me what I thought. To which I mostly just responded "Uhh I mean I like his character yeah??" And give him my character analysis of Mando lol. It wasn't until we see Mando's face in the SECOND SEASON that I realized X had a huge crush on Pedro that I then used to relentlessly tease him about.

My simping didn't really start until I saw Pedro in Narcos! Maybe it's just that I could actually see Pedro in this but uhhh yeah that did it in for me lol. Fun fact, I did try to get X to do a couples costume as Agent Murphy (him) and Agent Peña (me) that he violently shot down :( it would have been PERFECT!!! Anyways that's where I fell into the Pedro Pit. And I haven't come out yet.

I lurked on here for awhile, before finally publishing my first fic on Christmas of 2021! I had gotten COVID the week before and needed something to fill my time so I wrote The Gift Exchange. Since then I've continued posting my writing on here :)

It's been fun for me! And give me a good opportunity to practice my prose. Everyone has been so kind to me! I look forward to getting to know y'all more and to have fun writing even more!!! Thank you for reading and supporting me <3

#Am talks #milestone

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exyugoth · 1 year

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December 1st, 2022 (on grief and displacement)

As far as I can remember, at the age of 24, I have only been two funerals. Both happened during warm summer days spent in Bosnia. I was just a teenager when I attended the first one to show support to my godmother, who had just lost her grandfather. He was buried in the orthodox fashion. Neighbours, friends and family were present. A priest said a few words, before singing a haunting prayer. Everyone was so quiet and sad. The second one occurred years later, when I was a young adult and my cousins, who live in Bosnia, lost their nana. She was buried in the muslim fashion, a street away from their home. Again, neighbours, friends and family were present. The imam and some of her male relatives prayed for her. The atmosphere was heavy. A lot of people cried and could not stifle their sobs.

My grandpa, my dad’s dad, died when I was 15, but it is still feels like it only happened yesterday. I remember the moment I learned the news. I had been away for a week on a school trip to England. My grandpa had been sick for a little while and we’d get news over the phone regularly. I was young, so I didn’t think much of it, and my parents just let me be a carefree teenager. The day I got back from that field trip, my mum and my sister came to pick me up. As soon as we got home, I felt something wasn't right. Before we got there, the lights everywhere in the house were off. I asked “Where’s dad?” My mum took me to my room and put down my luggage there. She let me know my grandpa had passed away while I was gone and my dad had gone to Bosnia to take care of things. After that, I think I pretended I had to pee and locked myself in the bathroom to cry. We never were too good about communicating or sharing our feelings. I don’t remember much after that. I just know I felt really sad, but my parents made the choice for me that life had to go on. And so it did, except on the few nights I’m still occasionally hit by grief and I cry.

Death has hit a few other times since then. My grandma lost her sister during Covid, when travelling from France to Bosnia was impossible. I saw her melt in front of my eyes from grief. Only a year later, when they could finally go back, she was given some of her jewellery that she shows me from time to time. “Ovo je od moje Mine.” she tells me.

Then, a week ago, my grandma lost her brother, her only remaining sibling, from a devastating lung cancer. On a Thursday, his son called us to let us know he only had a few days left. My parents started planning a last minute trip to Germany where he lived, so they could see one another one last time, since Covid and old age had made travelling harder than ever, but he decided against it. He died on that Saturday.

"They were lucky to be in the same country when their relative died.” That’s a sick, selfish thought I had when I wrote those first few paragraphs. I try to make sense of things, and think for a second maybe if I got to bury all these people and say goodbye, it’d be easier. Of course, the reality is a lot different and it’s never that easy. As I got old, I realized wars create two types of distance, the geographical one and the emotional one. Because I don’t see my extended family that often, distance makes it hard to connect. If I don’t even get the chance to connect emotionally, it should be easy to handle death when it comes around, right? As a result, when I grieve those close to my heart, I think I mainly grieve what could have been. I grieve the stories I was never told about my parents, or my grandma, or their own life stories. I grieve the fact my sweet grandpa never really got to see me grow up and I never really got to see him get old. He saw me once a year, for a month. And, most of the time, I was too busy being a child running in the street with my friends, except for when he would force me to walk to the store with him so he could buy me all the chocolate in the world. Despite my occasional resistance, despite the little time we spent together, it was a widespread fact in the family that I was, somehow, his favourite grandchild. I always pretend I’m ashamed of it - because grandparents shouldn’t have favourites - but deep down I think I’m proud of it. I always wonder if he’d be proud of me today, were he still around. We both only got a glimpse of what our relationship could have been. I cannot wrap my mind around that kind of injustice.

In therapy, on Tuesday, as I sobbed because I felt like death kept knocking on my door too many times in a really short period and it was becoming inescapable and somehow the world kept spinning and life had to go on, I kept rambling about how impossible it was, because of the fucked systems we’ve created and continue to uphold, to live humanely. “What if I wanted to stop everything for three weeks or three months to take care of myself? Of my grandparents? To deal with the fact even grief has to take a widely different form for us displaced people, and daughters and granddaughters of displaced people?” “Why three months or weeks?” she asked. “I don’t know, Julia. Maybe all those years in Catholic school finally paid off and my subconscious can’t help but think about the Holy Trinity!” (Except I don’t actually call her by her first name, but I think it’d be funny if I did.) “But the point is I couldn’t do that!” “No, you’re right, you couldn’t do that. You can’t stop everything for three months, but you can try to set aside some time to write down what you’re going through and take that time for yourself. You can do little things for your grandparents too. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”

I think all these thoughts and feelings would take more than a regular lifetime to process. But I don’t know what to do with them, so I might as well write about them, as per my therapist’s suggestion. Send them off into the ether. Make them other people’s problem too. Anything to avoid keeping it to myself in my sad brain and dealing with it on my own.

#grief #displacement #i'm a shit writer i'm sorry #just bosnian diaspora tings!!!!#does it count as blogging if it's just me whining?

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esta-elavaris · 1 year

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Flufftober 2022 - Day 16 - Falling Asleep Together

[James/Theodora] [James Norrington/Modern!OC]

I’m back! Listen, I wrote 90% of this in the midst of a covid fever, I don't want to read it back because I refuse to see that it's shite and have thousands of words go to waste, so here u go bone apple tea, the next one will be better.

"I swear this still feels strange," Theo murmured.

They were sprawled languidly in their bed, in their bedroom, in their house in Port Royal, a mess of tangled limbs with not a stitch on. James lay on his back, while Theo curled up against him, pressing the occasional kiss to the side of his jaw or his neck just for fun while his fingertips trailed across whatever bare expanse of skin they came across.

"If that's a critique of my lovemaking skills, I would caution a shade more tact next time," he said drily.

She breathed a laugh "Oh, in your case that's less of a skill than it is a talent. A calling, even."

He chuckled lowly at her dumbassery, shaking his head.

"No, I mean it," she persisted "If you were inclined towards that sort of thing, you'd be a bigger philanderer than Jack himself. You'd have every woman in the Caribbean at your beck and call."

"I'm only interested in the one, I'm afraid."

"Have I ever met her?"

"Not technically, no, but I see her quite often. She's even in this room right now."

"She must be a right pervert then, hiding and spying on what we just did."

"What feels strange, Theodora?" He dragged her back, kicking and screaming, to her original point.

"Being in here. I'm so used to wishing you a good night and then heading into my own bedroom. Always takes me a second to remember myself and not turn to head into that room instead of continuing on to this one."

"I rather prefer having you in this one."

"The feeling's mutual," she murmured.

"I know what you mean, though," he said "I remember during those horrid weeks between our return here and Sparrow's failed hanging…whenever we retired I would always be keenly aware of how you were only in the next room, but might as well have been leagues away. It's not something I've any wish to relive."

"I don't think there's much danger of that," Theo hummed.

"Thank heavens," he combed his fingers through her hair.

Propping herself up on one elbow, Theo leaned in until her nose brushed his and kissed him - slowly and softly, smiling once she drew back and his lips chased hers, the hand at her hip lifting to thread through her hair and pull her in for another before he'd allow her to draw back. Her lips stretched into a smile at the unconcealed desire lurking within his hooded gaze when she opened her eyes again. Not just because it was there, but because it was unconcealed. It took a hell of a lot of trust for James Norrington to freely show his emotions. The fact that she'd earned that level of trust thrilled her.

"I'd hardly dared hope back then that we may find ourselves here one day. Although I couldn't help but think of what it might be like if we did."

"Did anything in particular come to mind?"

The corners of his lips tugged upwards into the barest hints of a smirk "Oh, this and that."

"James Norrington, did you have ungentlemanly thoughts about me?" Her mock-astonishment was ruined by the grin on her face.

"That would hardly have been proper of me."

"That's not a no," she pointed out, grin widening.

"No, I suppose it isn't," the smirk remained on his lips "Once it was clear that my feelings were reciprocated, the mind did insist on wandering a bit. Here and there."

"Here and where, exactly?"

"I'm going to appear terribly lecherous if I say it all out loud."

"That's half the fun."

"Mm, I'm not sure I'm properly convinced to share such thoughts. I may be talked into it, though."

"You're toying with me!" She accused "Go on then, name your price. What would properly convince you, you power mad despot?"

"I'm not sure name calling is a good start."

"That's a sound point, I'm very sorry. What if I reminded you that I love you very, very, very much?"

"Now that would be a good start - but only a start."

"Sexual favours?"

"Not quite what I was getting at."

"Ouch."

"But not unwelcome," he amended, arm slowly wrapping about her middle.

"So you have your mind on something in particular, then," she hummed "What could it be?"

"I've every faith in that mind of yours. Worry me as it might some days."

"How about some quid pro quo? I'll tell you all of my terrible ungentlemanly thoughts from those days."

"Unladylike," he corrected drily.

"That, too. The question is, can your sensibilities take it?"

"Luckily, I'm already lying down should they overtake me and my knees give out."

It occurred to Theo to tease him - that this whole conversation had started with her wishing to hear his salacious thoughts, but now she lay here preparing to share hers. With his ability to pull a reversal like that, he could have had a promising career in politics ahead of him, had he more stomach for…well, politics.

But she wouldn't tease him. For almost anything else, sure, but not for this. Newfound freedom between them or no, he was still very much a man of his time, and asking him to outline thoughts such as this - from a difficult time, no less - was probably flying in the face of every value regarding propriety that he held dear. Hell, she found herself feeling oddly nervous about what she'd just promised to do, and she didn't have about three decades' worth of society's 'waaah desire is bad, sew your knees together' working against her.

"I remember the first time I saw you without the wig. My thoughts amounted more or less to 'oh no, he's handsome'."

"Oh no?" He echoed with a snort.

"It complicated matters a bit," she sighed.

"I shall thank the Lord every day from hereon that I chose to forgo the wig that particular morning."

"Hm. Well, after that I couldn't stop noticing it. Wig or no. I was doomed from that day on."

"I hardly believe that was all it took."

"It wasn't all it took," she agreed "I already knew you were good when we first met, but then you just kept reinforcing that. Elevating it. Damn you."

"You have an abysmally low baseline for good."

"Not at all," she admonished "The fact that you even think doing something exceptionally kind was just the bare minimum, basic decent thing is sort of proving my point here - but that's all an argument for another time."

"We can schedule that one for a later date," he conceded.

Theo breathed a laugh, capturing his hand where it rested at her hip and lifting it up before them.

"These," she said "When you helped me down the stairs that one time - then when we danced. It wouldn't have been anything close to a big deal back home, but it felt like the biggest deal here."

Bringing their entwined hands up to his chest, she loosened her fingers so that she could slip free of his grasp and begin tracing her fingertips across the calluses from his swordsmanship that were hardly unique in this time, but still out of the ordinary to her. Sure, she'd been around others who had them since arriving here, but not quite so up close and personal. Her stint as a crew member of the Black Pearl hadn't involved much hand-holding with Jack.

"I feel sorry for the women back home, you know. You haven't lived 'til you've seen the man you carry a torch for wield a sword or a flintlock. And when you cleaned my face up after that whole fiasco. I almost wished it was worse so that you wouldn't be done as quickly as you were."

"I can hardly believe I didn't realise then the true nature of my feelings for you," he admitted "I was committed to denial to a fault. I should have asked you to marry me that night."

"It was never going to be that simple. Not least because I couldn't have accepted without you knowing the truth, and you never would have believed the truth if things hadn't shaken out how they had. Things happened as they had to. I don't think there was ever going to be a shortcut."

"The long way was worth it," he murmured "Although I confess you've failed to shock me thus far."

"I'm getting to it. Our first kiss was a blur, I won't lie, but the two after that drove me mad. You're so restrained, you've got bloody ironclad self control, but then you kiss like that. I was dying to see what it'd be like when that restraint finally snapped. It did nothing for my sanity."

"And here I thought the madness I felt was all your doing."

"I wish - it might've been less stressful at the time if I was doing it on purpose. Although then there'd be the risk of going power mad."

"Our both having equal power that we must wield responsibly seems the truest eventuality."

"Mutually assured destruction," she snorted "Sometimes I'd hear you pacing about in here when I was trying to sleep, in the days leading up to Jack's execution. I'd wonder what you were doing, if you were thinking about me half as much as I was about you. Wishing you'd storm in and kiss me again."

"I wanted to. Constantly. I might have, had they not been so bittersweet."

"Mm. I dreamt of that, too - that a day might come where we could kiss without feeling guilty about it. Without worrying about being seen, too."

"You knew that I would not marry Elizabeth, and yet you still feared such a day mightn't come?"

"Nothing could happen between us without you knowing, and believing, the truth about where I'm from…and forgiving how long I didn't say anything about it to you. Those were two very big 'if's. It was a lot to hope for."

He accepted that response readily enough, nodding slowly "All of this seems a lot to have hoped for."

"We must've done something right, if we were granted it," she offered a small smile "It was in Tortuga - when we were reunited, when you learned the truth, when we…when we became real, that my mind really began to stray."

She was inclined to think that his had done so, too, because more damning than his silence was the warmth that flickered in his eyes as he waited for her to continue - possibly sensing that she was finally getting to the good stuff. Theo would hate to disappoint. He'd said so himself, after all, that their stint in Tortuga had hardly left him unaffected.

"That damned bed," he said knowingly.

"The bed," she echoed with a quiet laugh "The one that managed to fit me, you, and all of the sexual tension in the world."

"Sexual tension?" he all but barked a laugh "A phrase from your time, is it?"

"A very fitting one."

"I suppose so," he mused with another quiet laugh, shaking his head.

"Do you disagree?"

Even if he did, she still liked seeing him like this. Relaxed. Content. Happy.

"Our bargain was for your thoughts first," he reminded her.

"All right," Theo sighed "My thoughts. I wondered if we wouldn't just snap one night and fall into each other's arms. We both wanted to, it seemed a foregone conclusion, it was just about timing."

"I never would have insulted you by doing that. Tempting as it may have been."

"I know," she admitted "But it made for pretty thinking. Like I said, the kisses did offer a very intriguing glimpse into what it would be like - and I wanted to know more. Whether you'd be gentle and patient, or rough and demanding. Or both at different times."

"Which did you land on in the end?"

"That you'd have an impressive range about you. My instincts proved right."

He breathed another laugh at that, but she delighted in how he flushed under her admissions.

"I wanted to know what you'd sound like," she said "When that self control finally did snap. Sometimes you'd moan or murmur in your sleep, and I'd wonder if you were dreaming about me."

"Sometimes I was."

"Most of all," she continued, shifting so that she sat astride him in the bed, leaning down low so her chest pressed against his "I wanted to know what it would feel like to have your weight pressing down on top of me in a bed - our bed - my legs wrapped around your hips, your chest brushing mine, your voice in my ear, your breath against my neck, your hands wandering wherever they wanted to - and where would they want to?"

As she'd listed off her curiosities, several emotions had flitted across his face - surprise first, then a flush, like it really hadn't occurred to him that he'd occupied her thoughts so thoroughly. Finally, curiosity, and then something that could only be described as danger. Above all else, through it all, he was rapt, listening to her every word even as his eyes became hooded and dark with desire.

Plus, there was very concrete evidence pressing against her backside concerning just what he made of all of these confessions. So she decided to end with one last one.

"Most of all…I imagined this. Us, shutting the world out at the end of the day, falling asleep and waking up with each other. Nothing else mattering. Nothing else interfering. Just us, this bed, and that fire. Every night. Always."

It was then that his gaze softened, and he lifted a hand to encourage her face down towards his, kissing her deeply. So much so that she was barely aware of the other arm snaking around her waist until he was turning them over until he was atop her. Giggling - because apparently that was something she did around him - she didn't fight the display, tilting her head up at him as she waited for his next move. The sheets were tangled around them thanks to all of the upheaval, but it didn't stop him from sliding a hand down her outer thigh, encouraging her legs to wrap around his narrow waist.

"And how does the reality match up to all of that curiosity?" he asked, his voice raspy with desire.

"There's no comparison. Apparently my imagination isn't all that good, however much practise it got. But I do believe I'm owed a thought or two. The ones that occupied your mind."

"Oh, that's more than two. Hundreds. Thousands," he confessed, dipping his head to press a kiss to the side of her jaw.

Theo could have sworn he purposely lowered his voice as he murmured into her ear, just to give rise to the gooseflesh erupting across her shoulders. In hindsight, maybe she'd handed him a bit too much power.

"But," he continued after a moment of thought - and another kiss just below her earlobe "I am a man of action, not of words. So perhaps I might show you, rather than tell you. If you'd be amenable."

Yeah. That seemed like a very fair trade indeed.

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