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#and the cycle really just repeats itself
sergeifyodorov · 6 months
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was thinking about the ovi auston web weaving you made back in may and your tag that said you werent gonna bring sid and connor into it and i get it but also. i want to bring sid and connor into it
i did too i just didn't want to. make that webweave 3 million miles long. also didn't want to bring mitch and nicke into it because that's the same deal.
i WILL leave u with this: each time sid and ovi won one of their cups, they had to go through each other to get it. good signs in the future for leafsoilers truthers?
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ineed-to-sleep · 1 year
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Tbh I think I could call Enderal cosmic horror in some places. Or at least it seems like it has some elements of it. Like the whole concept of the cleansing, the high ones, the idea of the annihilation of civilizations by some sort of inconprehensible ancient entity that feeds on humanity and then restarts an entire cycle only to keep feeding, it sounds a lot like cosmic horror. Plus it gives me the creeps. Majorly.
Also that entire island you go to when you meditate. The soundtrack sounds so eerie there and the noises that you can hear in the background are pretty creepy when you stop for a bit to listen in, especially when you look up at the sky in there and the star at the center looks exactly like the one you see in the sky when the cleansing is happening. I know this is technically a dark fantasy game but damn sometimes it hits some horror chords and does it pretty well
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maddy-ferguson · 1 year
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early may me never would've thought that i was gonna start liking the idea of mike and will from stranger things being gay and in love enough to become a tumblrina again and that that would lead to me witnessing a debate about whether or not people can be born evil by the end of the year
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2 & 3 from section 1 for peri and 7 from whichever section has a more interesting #7 for diodore -moss
oooh these are fun ones!
2. Describe their tent set-up (outside and inside) (Peri)
I think Peri's tent is constructed similarly to Gale and Astarion's (boxy, fabric walls, little covered area outside). Deep blue fabric w/ golden astronomical embroidery, mostly the sort of thing you see on star maps. Little golden tassles around the edges of the tarp (?) and the doorframe. He'd have a small, circular, dark wood side table short enough that you can use it sitting on the ground, and a dark blue pillow next to it; there would be some parchment and a bronze miniature astrolabe on the table. The inside would be just. full to the brim with the gaudiest night-sky-themed pillows you've ever seen. No bedroll, no palette, just a nest that would put those cube pits in trampoline parks to shame. There would be two bird perches for his familiar Medani: one taller one next to his tent and one shorter one under the overhang. The shorter one would have a crow-sized bow-tie hanging from it. Rugs on rugs on the outside area ofc. 3. What would their character quest be titled? Why? (Peri)
This is a hard one! His tav ending involves taking over the Waterdeep arm of the Harpers, so I think his arc would have something to do with that. He'd be pretty bitter about being dropped into another near-apocalyptic mess when dealing with the last one a few years prior was supposed to be a one-time thing. Something-something ptsd in a world that doesn't have the words for that yet, something-something 'once a hero always a hero', something-something the weight of responsibility...he's a planeswalker so I think part of it would be whether he decides to stay on Toril long-term and directly help rebuild the Waterdeep Harpers or if he continues to run travel around afterwards, so maybe The Far Traveller/The Far Walker?
Harpson/Fae-son are also potential options. "Fae-son" nods to him being a changeling without it being super obvious (like Astarion's "The Pale Elf"). It would also mimic his backstory reveals from RoT ("oh he's not 'from here' so, like, the Feywild" -> "OH he's not from here"). 7. Describe their arc. How would a player help resolve it? What choices can be made? Can your Tav be turned down a dark path, or pulled to a lighter one? (Diodore)
Buckle up because we're in for a long one here. I've thought about Dora's story arc a lot because she's the first of my tavs that I truly made for the game while having full control over her backstory, etc. (versus Corentin, who had their arc baked into the story as a durge). Dora's a paladin of Corellon (oath of ancients) and her story arc as a companion would have to do with whether or not she should accept capital-r-Redemption, the process by which a drow can be truly "freed" from Lolth and rejoin the ranks of the rest of elven society. It involves all of the Redeemed drow's memories being erased and them being reincarnated as a surface elf. The implication seems to be that without that, regardless of a drow's actions, they'd be thrown back to Lolth when they die? Or at least that their eternal fate is unknown (which is the way I prefer to think of it for. personal reasons). Under normal circumstances, Dora would be a long way from Redemption being presented to her at all (she's not even 200 yet and has only been on the surface for a couple decades), but like with the other gods' Chosen among the companions, near-apocalyptic circumstances tend to speed up those sorts of things.
Of course, you'd have the themes of faith & relationship with deity when they're all unequivocally real and are also mostly all assholes; maintaining or breaking generational cycles; facing the unknown; morality when none of your choices are "good" (and how that interacts with morality vs self preservation); power vs freedom; identity outside of the people who made you; etc. The choice would first be presented to her sometime in late Act I/early Act II, likely the first long rest after the group resurfaces from the Underdark and you've probably gotten some of her backstory already. I have no idea how Larian would have characterized Corellon, but he's considered one of the more benevolent/open-minded deities iirc, which could be interesting to see contrasted with Mystra, Vlaa'kith, and Shar. How much that open-mindedness would extend to a drow, even one who has been a faithful follower even before she escaped to the Surface (and who inherited that faith from her father), is unclear. At the beginning of the game she would be leaning towards accepting Redemption, despite her own misgivings about whether or not she would still be her in that case.
Her final decision (at the ending pier scene) would depend on the relationship she has with the PC and the other companions. Her best ending, imo, would be her not accepting Redemption but continuing to be a force for good. If she has a good relationship with the PC, she would have something to lose. I think seeing the House of Mourning would affect her too. After all, the thing Corellon is offering to her as a way to find peace is the same thing the Sharrans are using as a way to manipulate and control others.
She's viscerally aware of how she was socialized and very actively chooses "good", so pushing her towards a darker path would be incredibly difficult but not impossible. If you side with the goblins she'll leave immediately, and turn on you if she's in your party when you attack the grove. But if you decide to try and control the cult in Act II, depending on your over-all actions before then and how you've interacted with her, you could disillusion her to the point of convincing her to break her oath. That path would entail convincing her that controlling the cult is actually the best idea. I'm sure there would be other times that her oath could break that wouldn't necessarily lock her into an "evil" path, especially with how Oathbreakers are handled in the game. Knocking out Minthara instead of killing her outright and letting Auntie Ethel go in Act I instead of killing her are two things that come to mind.
If she doesn't choose Redemption she would be at the epilogue party, of course. I'm a bit undecided on what would happen if she does choose Redemption. She may not be there at all, w/ Jaheira, Halsin, Minthara, and/or Astarion mentioning running into her in her new, reincarnated state. Or she would be there, confused, and mention how the PC seems familiar in a way she can't quite place. In that case, she would ask them how they know each other and mention something about feeling a twinge of grief looking at everyone, but that she doesn't know why she feels that way. It would be up to the PC how much they tell her (if they tell her anything at all).
#ty for the ask mossy!!#and sorry for the wait lol a couple of these stumped me for a minute#thinking about peri & jaheira as narrative parallels...#b/c i want to be clear here. peri was and is *not* looking for more responsibility re: harpers#he was perfectly happy doing security systems. him not seeking power was an active character choice i made for him b/c he's a wizard#but in the Faerun In My Head (tm) the Waterdeep Harpers also get decimated by the Absolute b/c why would they not? theyd be a major threat#especially b/c their high harper was the catalyst for forming the lord's alliance and. like. you think they're *not* reconvening?#for Weird Cult Two: 2 Cult 2 Furious??#gortash would take remallia OUT if at all possible#and also I like torturing my characters#and i think the whole 'weight of duty'/hero's curse (once you get drawn into one situation you can't ignore the others/they come to you)#thing is interesting for peri in particular. the man just wants to live a quiet life and he will! for the most part.#just now with thousands of lives in his hands b/c he's helped stop 2 apocalypses and is irrevocably tied to the fate of the Coast now#his conscious wouldn't let him just leave the Harpers or Waterdeep to rot. and that seems to be similar to the situation jaheira's in#generational cycles the cruel march of time history repeats itself etc etc#that's also why i think he would get Weave'd and have an unusually long lifespan. he wanted to rest and the universe said “no <3”#i think about dora's story a lot also because the whole 'you can be redeemed (from something you were born with)#but only by removing integral parts of yourself' thing hits *right* in the religious trauma#you cant tell me there wouldn't be *some* part of a Redeemed Drow's soul that remembers the people from before they were changed#unless they just. get a new soul in which case it literally isn't them anymore.#doras first real & healthy relationships happen in-game#thats part of why she's drawn to astarion. his bullshit is predictable to her and therefore feels safer.#definitely safer than whatever is going on with the others#(also why she trusts karlach so quickly: she's straightforward and blunt & doesn't really hide things?#and was also the only one to warn her against astarion. dora'd literally never had someone like that in her life before so it stuck)#and she'd feel a bit uncomfortable w/ the concept of Redemption at first but who is she to argue with a god?#esp one who seems kinder than many of the others#but as the story progresses she realizes that she *can* trust these people and that they trust her#and she sees how Gale and Shadowheart and Lae'zel are struggling w/ their deities#and not only does she have something to lose now but she's seeing more of how the gods work generally
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angelltheninth · 4 months
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Malleus Draconia with a Breeding Kink
Pairing: Malleus Draconia x Fem!Reader
Tags: nsfw, smut, breeding kink, mentioned pregnancy, cockwarming, kink denial, creampie
A/N: Going back to my dragon man, gotta show him some love again.
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Malleus with a breeding kink doesn't want to admit he has it. If you bring it up he'll deny it, and not only that he'll try to pull out of you just to make a point. But even if he does you can see his face clouded with regret that his cum is all over your body and not in your pussy where he not so secretly wanted it.
Malleus with a breeding kink would rather eat his cum out of your pussy and then kiss you to push some of it down your throat then let it all go to waste. He cups your face in his hands and wipes the remains of it from the corners of your lips. Then he trails his hand down your stomach to clean you up but his hand lingers there for a moment.
Malleus with a breeding kink talks about having kids a lot but never during sex because he doesn't want to pressure you. He knows you want them too but the time has to be right. No matter how much he wants to shoot his load into you he will pull out until you tell him it's okay to do it inside.
Malleus with a breeding kink will embrace you tight when you tell him you want to start a family with him and won't let you go until you tell him you need to breathe. To maximize the chances of making you pregnant he makes sure you finish right after him, every time without fail while he pistons his hips back and forth, coating your insides with his seed.
Malleus with a breeding kink keeps his cock nestled inside of you for hours, letting it go soft and then hard, fucking you again and letting that cycle repeat itself multiple times a day. You've gone fully limp more then once and he fucks you back to him every time. It's adorable really. You're so soft and warm under his touch, he never wants to let you go.
Malleus with a breeding kink says he just knows you'll have a big family together, lots of kids. He looks forward to it, he's already planning on making you pregnant again. He's getting a little ahead of himself but he would love to have a bunch of kids with you, to come up with all the names and see your kids grow up and learn everything that you know.
Malleus with a breeding kink knows you're pregnant before you do. It's not just the change in your scent but also in your magic. There's more of it now, and the source is right there in your belly, growing slowly over the next nine months. During those nine months he doesn't stop fucking you.
Malleus with a breeding kink never knew it was possible to be so horny until he saw you with a pregnant belly and how careful you were being, how gently you'd hum and caress your stomach. You're gonna make for a great mother, he can tell. So there's no harm in wanting to put more babies inside you is there? No there's not.
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wuahae · 1 year
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ok i say this a lot but i Will make more of an effort to be more active on this blog :”)
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radiance1 · 9 months
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Alfred Pennyworth has in fact, perhaps, in the slightest of chances.
Picked up his Master's habit of collecting children as if they were on sale.
He was spending his time on one of those rare vacations he decided to take, it was nice, to relax with only the vague overhanging worry of something going wrong back at the manor that he's gotten very good at ignoring.
Only to come across a child bleeding out in an alley, heavily injured.
He would not be able to live with himself if he didn't at least try to help them however he could.
Such is how he acquired a child he later found to be a meta who whished to learn the ways of a butler.
---
Danny had escaped from a GIW compound, after having been handed over by his family a while after his reveal. He felt, completely and utterly betrayed, when it happened. His parents, while hurt, he was at least capable of actually seeing them do it, but never would he have thought Jazz would do so as well.
They did it so happily, that he wondered if letting him go really was the greatest thing to happen to this family.
He chained, muzzled, all the ways to bind him they pulled all the stops too, knowing how dangerous he was. He wouldn't have even done anything then, too stunned by his families apart willingness at handing him over to the government.
He hated them.
He hated them so much.
The GIW facility was a terrible, cold, unfeeling place. One where they drilled thoughts into his head again and again until he found himself unconsciously repeating them when his head felt empty, one where his body gained a new mark day by day and pushed through tests, he had no clue of even hoping to comprehend what they would gain out of it.
It was a cold, unfeeling place. Placed in a cell of white and nothing else, with low walls and chains binding his body in place until the time came for another experiment.
It was a room he grew used to. One he even held some kind of strange, twisted affection for.
It was a room that held a tiny piece of safety, of rest. It was a room that taught him to hate.
A deep, powerful, disgusting, twisting hatred that crawled from the depths of his cells, corrupting his blood and carving itself deep into his bones. Forcing it's out of his pores until it practically oozed from his flesh.
It drowned his mind, tainting each and every thought, every memory, every dream, every waking moment until he could feel nothing but hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate.
When he was taken out of that he could feel nothing, with the drugs swimming their way through his blood that snapped the thin string keeping him between a person and an emotionless puppet.
He thinks that's what the GIW thinks he is.
And when he was placed back in that room, he could only hate.
It was a cycle. Stuck between feeling either nothing or hatred.
He hated feeling nothing, it made him feel like he wasn't real. Like it snapped the thread that held him between what a real person was and a dream.
So, he allowed himself to drown deep into his hatred. Until the white walls of his far to small room seemed to fade, until whatever sound he could have heard became nothing but dull noise.
Until the passage of time seemed to become just a blink.
He didn't know what day it was, when he saw it. Saw them. He didn't know the time, the date, the day, the hours. He knew nothing.
But he could recognize his family. Recognize one of the objects of his intense hatred that he forced his thoughts too. The people who willingly gave him up just like that and one of the causes for his current life.
He didn't know why they showed him them, he felt it some sick, utterly cruel joke. A joke he didn't know the punchline for, a joke the universe sent his way to make his life all the more miserable.
There were multiple of them. Multiple clones of his family. Som within test tubes, some being pulled out from the tubes, some walking around in lab coats. A waste of talent, they called it in his dad's case, a waste of intelligence in his mother's, and a waste of intellect in his sister's case.
His original family was already dead, he was told. Replaced by clones, clones that took over the legal decision to change his guardianship. Clones walking around twisting and desecrating his family.
'At least it was painless.' One of the clones said, talking with his mother's face. 'Far more than they deserved for having keeping a thing like him' spoken by his father's imposter.
The drugs pumping through his system to keep him calm, to keep him feeling nothing was suddenly pierced through by an intense feeling of horror, hate and self-loathing.
He should've known it wasn't his family. He should've done more! More to protect them! To keep them safe! The could've still been alive if he just knew.
In that moment, watching imposters speaking, walking, talking, breathing, with his families faces. He exploded. Exploded with a power fueled by nothing but his intense hatred for every. Single. Living being in this goddamn facility.
He killed whoever stood in his way. Managing to get his hands on relatively newly designed weapon, an ectoplasmic scythe (that also apparently could revert into an everyday item). Which he used to rip and tear throughout the entirety of the facility. He got injured, of course, he couldn't dodge everything, but he didn't care.
A body stuck between life and death, incapable of fully going one way or the other no matter what happened. Gifted supernatural powers fueled by wrath and twisting hatred and a weapon made by man yet in the range of the supernatural.
They didn't stand a change. He killed them all. No matter who it was, man, woman, clone. He didn't, couldn't care. He could only kill, only maim, only hurt.
And that's what he did.
It was then, when the facility was blanketed with silence tainted by despair, death and hysteria. When previously white walls were covered by blood, and the halls turned into rivers of blood and corpses. That he broke down, the overwhelming hatred he felt replaced by relief then sadness then self-loathing.
His family didn't give him up! But they were killed. Kill because of him. He couldn't stand being in this place, anymore. His body felt as if it were moving on unseen strings as it walked through the halls, the scythe shrinking back what it was when out of combat, his mind too occupied by thoughts and feelings.
It walked through a portal, one to the ghost zone, and then promptly into another portal and spat him out into an alleyway. Which he then promptly collapsed and curled into a ball, curing the shrunken scythe in his palm and he was out like a light.
A few days after he woke up, he found himself growing attached to the human that found him in that alleyway. An old man, maybe, but a nice one. He didn't want to meet anyone, besides that man, so he turned invisible when anyone else come into contact with him.
Alfred Pennyworth.
It was a name he clung onto mentally and a man he clung onto physically as well. He wanted to be like that man, someone so nice and caring, someone who didn't mind that he turned invisible at the sing of another person, who let him cling onto him both invisible and not whenever he wanted to.
He did panic when he heard Alred saying his vacation was over, and such that he had to leave. He didn't want to be left alone again, he didn't know what he would do if he was left alone again.
Until Afred said we were going home.
We. As in, him plus another. Alfred plus Danny.
Home.
Heat blossomed in his chest, seeming to replace the constant, low hum of hate sitting beneath him skin.
Home.
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maraudersmyloves · 3 months
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Dating Mattheo Riddle . :☆。゚. ───
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Realistic version
let's be real it DEFINITELY wouldn't be love at first sight
he might think you're attractive but you're just some girl
Also the only way he'd talk to you would be if you're friends with one of his friends and even then he'd avoid you at the start
He has SERIOUS issues, First of all, he's not up to be your boyfriend
He'd do friends with benefits type thing or a situation ship but he needs the freedom
If he feels himself fall in love he'll distance himself and fuck other girls
He's an alcoholic (I'm not gonna get into that but there's some obvious stuff that comes with that)
He has a really hard time opening up and would be paranoid about you using what he told you against him
hits stuff during arguments and gets all up in your face
he really just screams at you letting out his anger cause he never learned how to properly deal with it
after a fight he'll just pretend it never happened instead of apologizing or properly talking about it
love bombing so you get attached
then stops talking to you for a week
gets mad at you for caring about where he was and then the cycle repeats itself
you two probably won't work out
not a good boyfriend
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d0youc0py · 4 months
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So, I have a request for angst, but with Young Reader, and they actually do call them an ask for help or a place to stay for a bit because of a nasty fight they got into with their parents and just need to leave the situation, perhaps they could have hid an injury(Welt, slap mark, bruising) from the boys only for boys to see it when they take off their coat/jacket. Its cool if you dont feel comfortable with this ask, you dont have to do it.
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“Hey, John.” You started into the phone.
“You alright, Honey?” He questioned. You nearly rolled your eyes. The man had known you since you were as tall as his knee and could always tell when something was wrong.
“Not really.” You lied. You scrunched your face and took a deep breath. “Actually yeah- my mom came home in one of her moods again, but”-
“Where are you? I’ll come and get you.”
You could hear his car keys jingle on the other line and the familiar sound of his truck door slamming shut.
“I’m at the park down the street.”
“Hold tight, honey. I’ll be right there.”
It was about a fifteen minute wait. John lived all the way out in the country, another thing you loved about him. His truck pulled up and he quickly hopped out to open the door for you.
“Thanks John.” You sighed, giving him a quick hug.
“Course, honey. Now how about we go get some dinner, hmm?” He patted your back. It was gentle but enough to make you wince.
He took you to your favorite restaurant, the same one your father use to take you to. He sat across from you, not needing to look over the menu. His soft blue eyes trained on you.
“You ready to talk about it?” John asked. Your eyes peered up from behind the menu. You don’t know why you were even looking at it in the first place. You always ordered the same thing.
“Same old thing.” You responded, sifting in your seat.
“Don’t give me that, honey.” He pressed. “You’ve never called me before. I always hear about a fight after I’ve shaken you down.” He offered you a small smile. It’s wasn’t one of pity, but understanding. He’s always been there for you, so why won’t you just tell him the truth?
“Don’t get mad.” You whispered. John instantly faltered. It was a common cycle. When he was on leave he’d take you out at least two times a week. You’d tell him about some shitty thing your mom said to you and he’d race over to your house and threaten her to knock it off. She’d be on her best behavior for about a week, then the cycle would repeat itself. “Look you’re already upset.” You gave a fake chuckle.
“Honey.” He huffed. His eyes bore into yours with such intensity it made your tiny hairs stand up.
“It started off just like our fights always do. She started yelling and I just made my way to my room to bunker down for the night.” You stopped to take a small sip of your water.
“You locked the door?” John hummed. He had built you a special lock to go on your door.
“I didn’t make it that far.” You murmured, tears forming in your eyes. John’s hand reached across the table attaching to yours, giving you an encouraging squeeze. “She threw something at me.” You whispered.
“Threw something at you.” He repeated.
“I know it so stupid.” Your hands left his to paw at your eyes. You hated crying. His hands remained on the table giving you the option to return to him.
“She hurt you honey? That’s the furthest thing from stupid.”
“It was one of those ceramic cats she collects. It hit me in the back.” You gasped. You wouldn’t doubt if there was a large bruise forming as you spoke. “Do you mind if I stay with you for a little bit? Just till things cool down?”
“Honey, you could come live with me.” He assured. This wasn’t the first time he offered, but giving the increasing hostility your mother was showing this was the first time you really considered it.
“I don’t think I can just live with you, John. Isn’t that illegal- like kidnapping or something.” You sputtered.
“That’s not for you to worry about, honey. I’ll handle everything, just take some time and think about it.”
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He woke up to the sound of glass shattering so loud it sounded like it was in his room. His body made quick work of throwing the covers off and heading towards his front door. He didn’t bother to shut his door behind him or throw on a pair of shoes. His body was already hot and shaking with anger. His fist pounded against your front door giving some warning of his presence before he used his shoulder to nearly split the door open.
He quickly found you on the floor your mother grabbing at your hair.
“Shit!” Your father yelled from the kitchen. Your father had been enjoying the whole spectacle of your mother tormenting you with a smile and a beer in his hand. Your mother look up at Simon, her own eyes growing wide with fear. He grabbed her by the arm throwing her backwards off of you.
“Who the fuck do you thi”- Your father started.
“Shut up and sit down.” Simon growled. Your father quickly obeyed siting down at the counter, your mother scurrying backwards to join him.
“Come on kid, on your feet.” He was soft with you, refusing to add anymore trauma to the situation. He wrapped an arm around your middle to steady you and you hid your face in shame.
“You can’t just take them. I’ll have the police dow”- Your father spoke up again.
“I told you to shut it. And what? You gonna call the police on me tough guy? Do it.” Simon spat. Your father piped down again the realization of his threat setting in. Simon led you out of your apartment and into his own. “Sit down, tell me where you’re hurt. Might need to take you to the hospital after that one, kid.”
The only way you could respond was through sobs. You practically threw yourself at him, wrapping your arms tightly around his middle. He sighed softly, not in contempt but in mercy. He wrapped a bulky arm around you, using your head as a chin rest. He related to you in all the worst ways.
“I don’t wanna go back.” You sobbed against him.
“I know you’re scared.” He said softly. “You’re gonna stay with me for a while, yeah? You have a key anyways might as well.”
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He groaned as his phone went off from somewhere in his bed. He patted around, his eyes burning as the made contact with the blinding light.
Your face lighting up his phone ripped the drowsiness from his body.
“What’s wrong, kiddo?” His voice was gruff and he cleared his throat.
“Mac.” You cried from the other end.
“Fuckin hell.” He growled. “Where are you, sweetheart?”
“I’m sorry. They just started yelling at me and I got scared and now I don’t know what to do.” You sobbed.
“You did exactly what you were suppose to do. You called me. Now take a few breaths and tell me where you are. It’s late you shouldn’t be out by yourself.” He slipped his feet into his shoes and grabbed his keys from the entry table. He opened the door only to come face to face with you. His face scrunched as he took in your appearance. Your hair a mess, your face tear stained and you were shaking uncontrollably.
His heart dropped when he caught sight of a ruby colored mark on your cheek.
“That better not be what I think it is.” He gritted. You just cried harder. “Inside, now.” He snipped, making room for you brush past him.
“No, Mac please.” You sobbed. Your hands fled towards his arm and you leaned against him. You needed comfort. You needed assurance that everything was going to be okay.
“I’ll be back in twenty minutes. I can’t just let them get away with it Y/N.” He snarled. He gave you a kiss on the head. He began to pull his arm away but you just gripped him harder.
“Mac, please. I need you.” Your voice was soft. So weak and so vulnerable it made him stop dead in his tracks. “Please.” You whispered again. An apology flowed from his mouth and he quickly wrapped two strong arms around you, pulling you tight against him. You instantly relaxed.
“You’re right.” He murmured. “You’re safe now.”
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“Ky, Can I stay with you please?”
You had asked him that a little over a week ago. He agreed immediately- perks of being one of his most favorite people on the planet. You didn’t really tell him why, just that you had gotten into a small ‘altercation’ with your parents.
That brings you to where you are today.
“If you don’t want me I can just leave Kyle.” You huffed, already collecting your things from the guest bedroom.
“Lovie, don’t do that!” He shouted after you. “My door is always open for you and you know that. I would just like to know exactly what happened. Considering you’re practically living with me now I think I have a right to know.” He explained. He grabbed the things out of your bag, hanging them up again.
“Kyle, stop! I’ve obviously overstayed my welcome. I’ll be out for your hair in no time.” You rubbed at your face harshly, trying to rid yourself of any tears.
“Y/N. Enough. Please stop.” His words were firm. It made you cry harder. “I didn’t mean to upset you so bad.” He assured. His hands came up and grabbed your wrists so he could get a better look at your face. He pulled you close to him. “I also need to know how upset I should be with your parents. If it’s really bad we need to get you out of there.” He explained. You sniffled, wiping at your face again.
It was then he saw it.
A deep purple bruise on your wrist. How didn’t you flinch when he grabbed it?
“That answers my question.” He sighed. You gasped and pulled your sleeves down. “Is that the only one?” He pressed. His fingers rested under your chin, tilting your head up to look at him. He repeated his question.
You softly shook your head.
“I have one on my side too.” You sniffed.
“Y/N look at me please.”
You did as he requested.
“I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you don’t have to go back, okay? But I need you to be completely honest about everything, yeah?”
A small sob left you and you quickly wrapped your arms around him.
“I love you, Ky.”
463 notes · View notes
azrielbrainrot · 2 months
Text
Mind Over Matter
Eris x Reader
Description: Eris sees you at your lowest and you get a glimpse behind the mask.
Warnings: Angst, Domestic Violence, Injury
Word Count: 3550
Notes: In case it's confusing this is set before Fire on Fire. Hope you enjoy!
part of the fire on fire universe
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The forest looked beautiful today. The red and orange leaves cast shadows over the whole clearing, and from the tree branch you were sitting at, you could see the birds flying and even some bunnies hopping around the bushes. It had been raining all week but it finally let up this morning, the sun was now shining high in the sky making it a perfect day to sit and read outside.
Even if the season never changes, you can tell apart the “beginning” and “end” of autumn. The leaves are just starting to fall, meaning this would be the beginning of the season. In a few months when the leaves are mostly on the ground, it will be the “end” and then the cycle will repeat itself. You always preferred this time when the sun is still shining and the forest is alive.
It might be summertime in the solar courts from your calculations, not that you've ever stepped foot out of this one, or even out of the city. As much as you love the forests tinged in orange, you can't help but wonder what it would be like if they gave way to different sights every few months.
Perhaps it would make autumn more enjoyable if it wasn't constantly upon you. You think you wouldn't hate the spring or summer, when the sun is warmer and there isn't as much rain, when different flowers bloom making the forests turn into different shades of green and brown and so many other colors.
You haven't been this deep into the woods in a long time, your mother and father had both finally left the house for long enough at the same time after what felt like forever. With the rain, your mother hadn't been invited to any tea parties and your father always seemed to be working in his office nowadays, never even leaving to attend any meetings. Seems the High Lord had given him some important job.
You'd feel bad for whoever had the misfortune of their company today but these are the few moments of peace you can steal for yourself, and you've been praying to The Mother that something came up so your father was called to the Forest House or even further. If it was something scandalous enough it would take your mother to her friend's houses to discuss it among themselves too.
You get so lost in your thoughts and the book you're reading, in the calmness and silence the forest brings you that it's only when you look up at the sky and see it starting to turn the same orange tone as the trees that you realize the sun is almost setting, you were late. You weren't sure how long your parents would be gone for, hopefully they weren't coming before dinner or they would already be looking for you.
Gathering your skirt, you hop down from the thick branch you've been sitting on, shoving your book into the old bag you once stole from one of the many closets in your house. It took you a few tries, and reading a couple of books, but you had managed to charm it to hold a lot more than its size would lead you to believe. You've been using it to keep books, dried flowers you've turned into bookmarks, random trinkets you've found over the years and even a couple of pants. Anything your parents wouldn't approve of you having really, things you actually called your own. Picking it up, you winnow to its hiding place - an old hollowed tree close to the edge of the woods behind your house - and quickly cover it so no one comes across it.
The maids knew you weren't inside, thinking you were in the gazebo watching the flowers, or feeling sorry for yourself, whatever they told themselves you did all day, so winnowing straight to your room wasn't an option. There was also the risk of any of them lingering around and seeing you. The garden had to do then, the servants had probably all left the grounds by then, retiring to their own homes.
You winnow deep into the garden so you're surrounded by bushes, close to the crimson roses that overlooked the side entrance to the estate. You weren't usually allowed on this side of the garden, it was too close to the servants' gate, meaning any of the “lowly” males could see you and you wouldn't know how to defend yourself from their advances. Sometimes you think your father is convinced you need instructions for breathing too.
Waving a hand over yourself to clean off any obvious dirt for the moment, you almost sprint closer to the gazebo, the place the maids would come looking for you when it was time to get ready for dinner.
Your heart stalls in your chest when you turn the corner to find your father walking the grounds. His face turns into stone as soon as he lays eyes on you, making you drop your skirt immediately, smoothing it with your hands out of habit, always trying to appear as polished as you can in front of him.
By his side stood your fiancé, looking as elegant as ever in a black three piece suit, topped off with a muted red tie to match the soles of his shoes. You've never seen his hair this long, it was combed back and tied in a small knot. Your gaze moves back to your father's disappointed face when his eyes meet yours, always so intense and calculating, suffocating even.
It had been years since you'd last been caught outside by your father and, to make matters worse, Eris was here too. At least he only saw you in the garden, even if further in than you're normally allowed. You don't even want to think what would happen if he'd seen you winnow from the woods.
“What are you doing outside at nightfall?” Your father was clearly displeased with you, not only for going against his wishes but also for doing it in front of such an important person.
“I simply got distracted looking at the flowers,” you try to sound as demure as possible, thinking maybe you could fix this by playing dumb since your father probably didn't want to make a scene in front of Eris, “They're blooming so beautifully.”
“You must have been really distracted,” he says as he turns his head menacingly, “since you know you're not allowed to wander around unattended.”
His tone almost makes you flinch, your face dropping. It had been foolish of you to think you could talk yourself out of the situation. Eris' presence wouldn't make your father less volatile, it only made things worse. He wanted to show the other male he was capable of handling his family, not wanting to appear weak in front of the heir.
You hadn't stopped to think that this could also make you less viable for marriage. His daughter being personally chosen by the High Lord as his eldest son's fiancé was your father's greatest accomplishment, and he knew better than you that Beron's mind was easily changed, he wouldn't want Eris to think you might not be the best option after all.
In this moment you ponder tarnishing your reputation as much as you could to get out of this marriage. If only it wouldn't cost you your life with it. Your father always hated the fact that you were born female. A male would bring the family name glory but a female could only hope to wed into a noble family. If you were to lose the High Lord's favor your father would likely lock you away from the world or even dispose of you altogether.
Your father lets out what you think he means as a disapproving sigh, but you can hear the excitement behind it, can see it on his face. He's grown to enjoy the moments when he can put you or your mother in your place, it makes him feel important. He approaches you, moving away from a slightly confused looking Eris.
You knew what was coming as soon as you saw your father pull his hand back, you've been here before many times after all. You close your eyes, feeling the heat approach your face, trying not to let your instincts take over and try to avoid it, that only makes it worse. The force of the slap makes your head turn to the side, your body almost following, but the worst part is the flames, you have to bite your lip not to let out any sound as you feel the burn eating at your skin. You faintly smell burning and try not to think about it, knowing it's the smell of your own flesh.
He holds your chin with a still too warm hand, even if already rid of the flames, and looks into your eyes closely, wanting to revel in your pain. “I've taught you better than this.” He adds another light slap to your face for good measure before letting you go completely. It almost hurts more than the first one, the skin was so tender even just moving your face hurt.
Taking a weak breath in, you try to calm your mind, ignore the pain and rage warring inside you. Clutching tightly onto your dress to keep your hands occupied, in case your mind slips and you burn his face in rage the same way he keeps doing to yours. You feel the flames wanting to rise up to your skin but firmly snuff them out, making sure they stay safely hidden deep inside you until it's the right time.
The pain has gotten easier to bear over the years, now you close your eyes not from fear but to calm yourself. You don't have the strength to go against him yet or a plan for a safe escape, you refuse to lose your life so easily after enduring this for so long. One day you will make him pay for everything he has put you through but first you need a plan and you need to be stronger.
This time it was different though, Eris was watching, you could feel his gaze burning into your skin deeper than your father's fiery palm ever could. There had been witnesses to his cruelty before, even outside your family and servants, you had seen pity, satisfaction and even trained blankness in their faces, had learned to ignore them and not ask for help under any circumstance - it took you too long to realize that the ones showing pity know your pain or are as powerless as you.
But, for some reason, knowing Eris, your future husband, the heir to the throne, is watching makes you want to cry for the first time since you were a child. You bite your lip and clench your fists as hard as you can, opening your eyes only enough to look to the ground, hoping your face isn't giving away too much or the burn was at least enough to hide it.
Suddenly interested in studying the cobbled stones you've walked on for decades, you notice your earring fell off, the ruby glinting in one of the little nooks in between stones, suffocated with no place to escape to just like you felt. You briefly wondered if it had simply gotten loose with the force or if it was ripped off your earlobe, but the pain on the side of your face was too intense to be able to pinpoint a specific area. A ripped earlobe was the least of your concerns anyway.
“What do you think you're doing?” All your thoughts evaporate when you hear his voice. He sounds uncharacteristically angry, you've never seen him lose the teasing lilt to his words or crafted nonchalant tone. You can't help but look up at him with wide eyes, not even remembering the shame you had felt before.
“Not to worry. Her face will be healed by tomorrow morning,” your father barely hesitates, assuming the anger wasn't directed at him hitting you, “I wouldn't give you damaged goods, my lord.”
Sometimes you wonder how your father had lived for so long, how he managed to become important enough that he not only worked for Beron but the High Lord would also want his heir to marry you, when he could be this dense. It was clear Eris wasn't worried about your face, his anger was almost palpable.
You know he wears a mask like no one else, you've seen it in action, but, if your father hadn't been so self-absorbed, if it was Beron standing in front of him, this would end very differently. Because the mask had fallen at the same time your stupid earring did. What was staring at you was Eris' true face. Your father was too thick to notice but you could gamble your life on it.
It showed his unrestrained fury and power rumbling just beneath his skin, you're not sure how your father didn't notice the way the temperature rose around them, the air suddenly resembling the summer you had just been longing for. His gaze burned hotter than lava and the planes of his face carved out the perfect personification of fury. His face was the perfect picture of the new High Lord of the Autumn Court. It was all fire, beautifully and all consuming.
He was making a bigger effort of not hurting your father than you were. When your eyes met you could almost see him forcefully pushing his feelings away, stuffing himself down with them, burying them deep inside him to keep the plot he's been writing for centuries intact. Still, his gaze lingered on your marred cheek too long, you think you even see his fingers spasm, as if wanting to reach out, if it was to console you or to snap your father's neck you couldn't be sure but the sentiment behind it was the same.
You almost gasp as the realization comes to you. The look on his face isn't all anger but what's underlining it isn't pity, it's the face of someone who understands. He's been in your same place. It shouldn't be a surprise to you, Beron's cruelty will far outlive his name, but it's hard to imagine Eris, inarguably the second most powerful fae in this court, in your place.
Your stomach twists at the implications. If even he can't fight Beron, what hope do you have of escaping your father? Especially now that he's aligned himself with the High Lord? It's in this moment that you know Eris' warnings were correct, there's no use running, you wouldn't make it but a couple steps.
“She needs a healer to fix her face,” you can almost see him choosing his words, playing into your father's narrative enough while trying to help you as much as he can. You're starting to think you have Eris figured out. Is this how he has survived this long? “See that it gets done quickly.”
He leaves without another word, turning away from you father and letting his eyes linger on your burnt flesh one more time before winnowing out of your estate. You don't look away from where he'd just been even when your father grabs your arm and pulls you along on his way inside the house, cursing you with every step. You wouldn't be able to leave your room and escape into the forest for a while.
Later that night, when you're returning to your room, after a healer treated your wounds as usual, and made sure Eris' goods wouldn't be permanently damaged as your father had so lovingly put it, you find a vaguely familiar, faint scent lingering in the air, it makes your heart stop.
Thankfully, the maids didn't accompany you to your room, they didn't like treating you cruelly but helping you could get them in trouble with your father so they'd rather just watch in silence, or, even better, turn their face whenever it was possible.
If they had followed you, they would have noticed the scent, would run and tell your father. You're not sure if they'd recognize it as his, he doesn't visit your house often after all, but the spicy scent was unmistakably male. It's better not to think of the amount of trouble you would be in if they smelled it.
You walk to the window first, opening it as wide as you can so the chilly night air fills the room instead, making sure there would be no residuals in the morning when they came to wake you. Looking up at the full moon in the cloudy sky, feeling the wind turn to ice against the side of your face still covered in a thick cooling salve and wrapped in bandages, you hesitate one more time before moving to the foreign items sitting at your vanity table, undoubtedly left behind by your dear fiancé.
Eris left you a tiny bottle with some strange bluish liquid inside accompanied by a small red velvet box tied off with a golden ribbon. You know he won't poison you, the bargain won't allow it, but you weren't sure what else he could do if he let his imagination run wild. You decide reading the note set on top of the box might give you an idea.
He has no right to treat you like this. I'm sorry I can't do more to help you for now but I promise there will come a day when he won't be able to hurt you anymore.
The note wasn't signed but you knew it was his. Even after your agreement, you didn't think he would try to make you feel better, even going as far as risking getting caught while dropping this off, since this fragile alliance of yours had been neither of your first choices.
You pick up the bottle and uncork it, immediately recognizing the calming scent of a sleeping draught. It would help with your nightmares. This is a generous amount too, it can last you a while. You set it back down and untie the ribbon, opening the box to find some chocolate and sugar cookies.
A sleeping draught and cookies. Never in your life had you received anything like this. You can't even admit it to yourself but this is by far the most thoughtful gift you've ever gotten from anyone.
He had to have an idea of how awful your father was to you, you told him as much when you made the bargain, but he might not have realized he went as far as physically hurting you. Eris knows the pain of an abusive father, of being haunted by their cruelty even in your dreams. So, he gave you the draught to help you even a little and the cookies to console you, something sweet to fend off the pain.
Just when you were starting to feel thankful for Eris, thinking you might have been too harsh on him before, you notice something else written on the other side of the note. Turning it around and reading it as well.
I wasn't aware you could winnow so well. Just how much are you hiding from your family, doll?
Your entire body tenses at the words, turning the paper into flames lest anyone reads it. He knows. You've managed to hide this ability from everyone for decades, but now Eris, of all people, knows. You're not sure how he noticed when your father didn't. He could have arrived before him, could have wandered around the grounds without anyone knowing. Is it possible that he knew where you went? No, he couldn't have come from the forest in time to talk to your father and see you.
You hold your hand up to rub over your chest, simultaneously trying to calm your racing heart and feeling the mark of the bargain woven into your soul, trying to reassure yourself. He's your ally. He won't tell anyone, the bargain won't allow it. But what could he do with this information? You had the upper hand when you made the bargain but it feels like he just stepped ahead.
After a few moments of breathing in the cold air still seeping into the room and settling your mind, you sit down on the chair by the vanity unceremoniously, letting your head drop into your hands for a moment. A heavy sigh escapes you as you open the cookie box again. What kind of person sends you gifts and includes a mildly threatening message with them. Must he always push your buttons like this?
You take a bite out of a chocolate cookie and let the delicious taste melt in your mouth, eyeing the small bottle. It seems you'll need to use it tonight, you definitely need a good dreamless sleep after the rollercoaster of emotions you've been through the whole day.
What you fail to notice is that, between the chocolate and sugar cookies you keep munching on and the annoyance now targeted towards Eris, your face barely even hurts anymore and you weren't left thinking of the deep rooted ache in your soul after your father hurt you yet another time.
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aothotties · 7 months
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Your Boyfriends A B*tch
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Who would’ve thought that crying over your shitty boyfriend would turn into you crying because of your best friend's dick.
Pairing: BestFriend!Eren x Reader
Warnings: NSFW, name calling, pet names, implied oral (f. receving), multiple orgasms, choking, Eren gets mean, cheating (kinda but not really), different positions, creampie, unprotected sex.
Word count: 1.4K
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Who would’ve guessed you’d be spending your Friday night in tears, well Eren kind of did. 
He almost expected this to happen, your boyfriend pisses you off, y’all break up, you call eren to comfort you, you get back with your boyfriend and the cycle repeats itself. 
So it was no shock to Eren when your contact flashes on his screen, he doesn’t hesitate to text you back instantly.
 He chuckles and shakes his head at the situation and gets himself ready before he heads out. 
“I knew that would happen again.” He says to himself, locking the door to his apartment. 
Now it’s not like he doesn’t want to come over, one of his favorite things to do is be around you, it would just be nice if it wasn’t because of your stupid boyfriend. 
He doesn’t even deserve the title, but Eren isn’t one to interfere with his friends' love lives. He wouldn’t want someone in his business so why would he be in theirs. You know in a way he should thank your boyfriend for being such a fuck up. If it weren’t for him he wouldn’t have you bent over and cumming on his dick for like the third time.
Eren’s intentions were never to fuck you like this, so vulnerable and desperate for love and attention. How can he pass up such a beautiful opportunity when your pussy is sucking him in so nicely. 
Maybe he can fuck you hard enough and make you forget about that dumb bitches name and you can see that he’s the one for you instead.
“That’s it my pretty baby, go on and come again for me.” He says in your ear as he pounds into your dripping cunt.
“E-eren, we shouldn’t b-be doing this!” You manage to say, fingers gripping the sheets tightly as his thrust pick up
“Oh now we shouldn’t be doing this? You’re so sweet but so stupid.” He says through gritted teeth, pulling you up so your back is against his chest.
You moan in pleasure at the new angle and gasp as he wraps one his large hands around your throat, gently biting down on your ear. 
“You think your punk ass boyfriend took your feelings into consideration, hmm?” He asks, slowly trailing his free hand down your tummy to your puffy clit. 
You let out a whine in response when his fingers rub slow circles on your clit and he squeezes your throat tighter, slowing down the speed of his hips. 
“Eren!” You beg, trying to push back onto him and end up on your back.
“I asked you a question, did I not?” He asks, pushing your legs up to your chest, rubbing his angry red tip on your clit, biting his lip as the head of his dick teases your soaking hole.
“N-no, he didn’t take my feelings into consideration.” You say quietly
He flashes you a pretty smile and pushes himself inside your dripping cunt all at once. He instantly starts drilling his hips against yours without letting up. 
Your eyes roll to the back of your head as he reaches deep inside of you, deeper than your ex ever could. You look uo and almost come at the sight in front of you.
Eren’s holding your legs up to your chest, pumping his dick inside of you quickly. His long brown hair tied up in a bun that moves with each thrust, pretty green eyes shut tightly as he gets close to cumming. 
Those soft pink lips are still slightly wet from your first orgasm of the night. You love the way his abs flex each time he fucks into you, but the thing you love the absolute most is his pretty gold necklace.
He’s worn it ever since you’ve known him, a gold chain with an Aries pendant. You love it and you always have, and you really love the way the pendant dangles over your face and chest.
“E-eren” You look up at him with a desperate look in your eyes as you feel yourself getting close to the edge.
“Awe is the stupid girl gonna come? Are you gonna come all over this dick princess?” He teasingly asks, rubbing the pad of his thumb on your clit.
You nod your head and let out a squeal when he wraps a hand around your throat and leans down so his face is inches from yours.
“You don't know how to answer a question? You’re so fucking rude.” He rubs his thumb in quicker circles and smirks when you begin babbling. 
On the outside Eren seems cool and collected, when in reality he’s losing hs shit. He’s really fucking the love of his life, finally getting the luxury to know what you look like when you come undone. 
“R-ren, coming!” You exclaim, your cunt tightening around his dick as your orgasm takes over your body.
Your back arches and your toes curl from the intensity of your orgasm, your mouth falls open into the shape of an ‘o’ and Eren presses his lips to yours as you let out a mantra of moans. 
Eren slows his hips down and pulls out of you slowly, pressing his forehead against your own. You rub his cheek with your thumb and pout as his dick twitches.
“You didn’t get to come.” You whisper, your voice becoming hoarse from all the moaning and shouting.
“I’m okay, as long as you feel good that’s what matters.” He smiles and rubs your cheek with his thumb, but that doesn’t satisfy you.
You push him onto his back and he raises an eyebrow in confusion. You give him a smile and grab the base of his dick, you slide down on him and he hisses in response.
“Fuck baby, you’re going to be the absolute death of me.” He bites his lip and his hands find their way to your hips. 
He guides you back and forth on him at a slow pace, loving the way you feel around him. He throws his head back when your sensitive cunt tightens around his dick. You bend down and connect your lips together in a passionate kiss, you place your hand on his shoulders and bounce faster.
“Fuck! Y-your pussy feels so good baby!” He lets out a loud groan and squeezes your hips in his hands 
“L-love the way y-you feel eren!” You hide your face in his neck and roll your hips
He thrust up into you and began pistoning his hips as he felt his orgasm approaching.
“B-baby I’m close, n-need to fill you up.” He says as his thrust gets sloppier.
“Fill me up Ren, come deep inside of me baby. Please give it to me, I-I want you to fill me up.” You hold his face and kiss him hard, pulling his bottom lip between your teeth.
He looks into your eyes and loses it, he holds you against him and ruts into you. thick ropes of his warm come fill you up. You both let out moans and whimpers as you come together. His head falls back onto the pillow and he looks up at you with a weak smile. 
“I’m sorry I called you stupid. I didn’t mean any of it.” He mumbles, tracing over the shape of your lips.
“It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it. You’re not wrong though, I keep taking him back and getting my heart broken.” 
“You deserve so much better, I’m not saying it’s me, but I’m definitely saying it's me.” You two share a laugh and he rubs small circles on your back.
“Well considering the fact I just got out of a messy relationship, I’m gonna wait before I date again.” You run your fingers through his brown locks and he rests his cheek against the palm of your hand.
“As long as I’m the only one who gets to see that fine ass in all of its glory and nobody else is coming inside of you I’ll take it.
“Deal.” You giggle and press your lips against his once more before you cuddle up next to him and drift off into a deep slumber. 
Bonus: Eren gets an ego boost the next day when your ex shows up. He’s dressed up, holding a bouquet of flowers and your favorite candy, smile dropping as a shirtless and marked up Eren answers the door.
“I-Is y/n here?” Your ex nervously asks and eren nods his head.
“Yeah she’s here. We had a long night last night though so I’m not sure when she’ll wake up. I’ll let her know you stopped by. Bye now!” Eren begins closing the door.
“Can I just tell her-” Your ex tries to peek into the apartment to see if you’re in there.
“Bye now!” Eren closes and locks the door, rolling his eyes once the doors close.
“What a bitch.”
-Ari
522 notes · View notes
louvemione · 6 months
Text
illicit affairs — d. malfoy (y/n's pov)
synopsis : draco malfoy and astoria greengrass are destined to be together, so why does malfoy end up in someone else's arms all the time? specifically, in your arms.
warning/s : angst, fluff if you squint, a bit 🤏 suggestive, swear words here and there, no voldy au 🙅‍♀️, written in first person, not really cheating bc draco n astoria are not dating, pretend that there's only a 1 year age gap between Astoria & Draco
author's note : illicit affairs by taylor swift! i will most definitely write a part two of this 😎
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make sure nobody sees you leave
hood over your head, keep your eyes down
third year
Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass. a perfect pair, really. they're destined to end up in each other's arms by the time they finish Hogwarts, they're destined to spend the rest of their lives together and no one was to get in between them.
not even me
I stared at the top of my four-poster bed, nights like this always had me wondering, why am I doing this? why did I even get into this relationship, if you can call it one, that was bound to end within the next few years? why am I risking everything for someone who would end up in someone else's arms? why am I making promises with someone who will fulfill those with someone else?
my head always spiraled with a list of why's. why am I doing this to myself?
the only time I'd stop is when he finally knocks on the door and I'll quietly slip out of my blankets, making sure not to wake my roommates up, slip on my robes and take his hand to spend the rest of the night giggling and trying not to get caught by Filch or Mrs. Norris.
and the cycle repeats itself the following day.
tell your friends you're out for a run
you'll be flushed when you return
fourth year
"wait! I don't know how to.." Harry stopped mid-sentence, too embarrassed to do so. I snickered as I lead him to the dance floor where the other champions along with their partners stood, "you'll be fine, just follow my lead"
I had fun dancing and laughing with Harry Potter, so much fun that I had nearly forgotten about the fact that Draco and Astoria came to the ball as each other's date.
if Draco and Astoria weren't dancing so close to us, I might've completely forgotten about it.
"you look gorgeous" Draco whispers the words that were meant for Astoria, only for her to hear.
I ended up spending most of my time at the yule ball with Harry and his friends as I tried to avoid Draco and Astoria at all costs.
but my attempts of avoiding him was soon washed down the drain because a graze of Draco's hand against my waist was all it took for me to excuse myself, "hey, uh, I had so much fun with you guys but I'll just go get some air. it's getting kind of cramped here"
when we returned, even if I was back with the trio who was by the way asking why I looked flushed, I see the smirks Pansy and Daphne sent in my direction when they saw Draco's flushed cheeks and lipstick stain on his lips.
take the road less traveled by
tell yourself you can always stop
lie. everyone knew it's a lie when we said, "we can stop this anytime we want"
because if we can, he wouldn't be in my dormitory, crying and begging for me to stay. him and I wouldn't be waking up longing for each other's embrace.
because no matter how many times we say it, the truth is we don't want to stop.
that's why we didn't do anything to stop.
what started in beautiful rooms
Draco and I met in our first year, during the sorting ceremony. him and I were both put in Slytherin along some newly met friends.
our little set up started during our third year, by that time I was already knowledgeable of his family's arrangement with the Greengrasses. yet, him and I carried on with this.
ends with meetings in parking lots
and that lead us here.
in front of my dormitory, where he would come and fetch me for our daily late night rebellion.
and that's the thing about illicit affairs
and clandestine meetings and longing stares
illicit. is this considered as an illicit affair?
yeah, probably. he's bound to marry someone else but he's here with me, in the restricted section of the library where we'd cost at least a hundred points off of our house if we get caught.
"i love you" Draco whispered against my nape, arms wrapping around my body to pull me into a back hug as he pressed my back against his chest.
I turned around, leaving the dusty potions book I was holding on the table beside us, "i love you too" I whispered back, our lips inches away before he finally closed the gap.
yes, I consider this an illicit affair. because if it isn't, why would I catch Draco's longing stares whenever his father requested for him to spend more time with his future wife?
it's born from just one single glance
I glanced at Draco just in time for our eyes to meet as I walked past him and Astoria.
that alone was all Draco needed for him to excuse himself from his seemingly clueless future wife.
but it dies, and it dies, and it dies
sixth year
"let's stop"
"you're drunk" Draco carries me to his bed
"I'm serious. let's stop. you're getting married after next school year so why should we carry on with this?"
an uncomfortable silence surrounds the room and my tears were already falling before I could even stop them, "I'm tired, Draco. It's unfair to all of us, we can't keep making promises knowing we won't fulfill them. I should've done this a long time ago. and in fact, we never should have gotten together—"
"so you're regretting it? everything we did together? you wish it never happened?
"yes"
a million little times
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querenciasturniolo · 2 months
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never really over ⮕ m.s.
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word count: 3.3k
warnings: swearing, angst, mention of a breakup, crying, self doubt
summary: „thought we kissed goodbye, thought we meant this time, was the last, but i guess it’s never really over”
a/n: this song played at work the other day and i started daydreaming, so here’s this LMAOOO. this song SCREAMS summer and lemme tell you, i’m so fucking sick of winter. also the picture of matt gives me heart palpitations, so enjoy.
everything written is completely fictional. the people i write for are written with characteristics and mannerisms that i made for them, this is in no way depicting what would actually happen in real life.
You knew coming home this summer was a stupid idea. Standing across the bonfire, staring directly into the dimly illuminated face you hadn’t seen in person in two years, you felt as though there was a pull screaming at you to move towards him. He hadn’t seen you yet, he was too busy laughing quietly at his brothers and a friend of his you weren’t particularly close with when the two of you were together. You, on the other hand, haven’t been able to keep your eyes off of him since you’d gotten to the party half an hour ago. It felt surreal, being in his space again after so long. It felt as though it was just yesterday you had your arms wrapped around him, your tears soaking the front of his shirt as he comforted you for the last time.
It seemed the only thing you and Matt were good at was breaking up, since it happened more often than not. Every other week you would decide that you didn’t deserve Matt and the two of you would call it quits. Then, a few days later, he’d show up at your door. He wouldn’t leave until the cycle repeated itself, but you knew he’d be back. You guys were never really over, after all.
You thought the last time you two said goodbye truly was the last time, considering you were going off to college and he was staying with his brothers to continue their YouTube career. You always knew he’d make it. Matt and his brother’s were the most genuine people you’d ever met, and it always transferred over into their videos. You watched them periodically while you were away at college, when missing him hurt so bad that you knew if you didn’t alleviate it somehow, you’d call him, and you couldn’t do that to him. The two of you promised each other that the last time was the last time, to keep the both of you from hurting each other. But seeing him only thirty feet away from you had your skin crawling in a familiar way you hadn’t felt in years.
“Who are you staring at?”
You jumped and whipped your head to the side, sighing and shaking your head when you met Nate’s eyes.
“Nothing, Nate. No one.” You said, clearing your throat and not letting your stare flicker back to Matt. You watched in horror as Nate’s eyebrows furrowed and he tracked your previous gaze until realization spread across his face.
“Matt, huh?” He asked, his voice casual as he slowly met your eyes. You hated the look on his face. It was almost as if he pitied you and your pathetic staring, which you couldn’t blame him. You scoffed and shook your head.
“No, I’m clearly staring at Dylan. What do you think?” You asked sarcastically, running a hand over your face to try and hide your embarrassment. You knew he meant well, but everyone always meant well, and they made you feel insane. They all had the same silent question; why couldn’t you just let him go? It’s been two fucking years, why did looking at him now feel the same as it did then? Your chest ached with how hard your heart was pumping against your ribcage. Goosebumps stayed prominent on every inch of your body just knowing he was so close to you. “I’m sorry, Nate. That was rude.” You said softly, moving your hand and sighing into the cool evening air.
Nate didn’t seem to take it to heart, he never really did. He was there for the entirety of your relationship with Matt, and unfortunately, he was one of the only few people who witnessed the aftermath. He’d answer your midnight texts, and when you were in town during breaks that first year of college, he’d pick you up from your house at three in the morning just for the two of you to drive around and blast music to keep your mind from racing.
“It’s been hard for him too.” He said, which was not at all what you were expecting him to say. You met his eyes with furrowed brows, though not a single one of his tells was showing. It was still hard to believe, considering how much of a mess you were when you went off to college and Matt moved to LA. Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip as you processed what he said, your heart telling you he’s genuine, but your mind telling you he’s just trying to make you feel better.
“What makes you say that?” You asked, your voice almost breathless as Nate scoffed and shrugged his shoulders.
“Oh, I dunno. Maybe the fact that I’ve known the kid for forever and we talk every single day.” He stated, your features dropping into a blank stare as he shook his head and glanced back over in Matt’s direction. You couldn’t bring yourself to look that way again, otherwise you’d be walking towards him immediately. “You’re allowed to talk to him, you know?” He said after a short while, meeting your eyes again with a soft smile. You knew he meant well, and you knew he was right, but the thought of walking over to Matt and him not wanting to talk to you had you shaking your head fervently.
“I know I can, but I also can’t. Besides, he doesn’t want to talk to me.” You said, your eyes flickering over in Matt’s direction once more. He was gone from his spot, Nick and Chris and the friend you couldn’t think of were still talking away as you furrowed your brows.
“Who doesn’t want to talk to you?”
You froze in place, your chest warming and your body relaxing the moment his voice washed over you completely. When you turned around, it felt as though a swarm of butterflies were flying behind your ribcage and hitting every single corner and bouncing off. There was no doubt in your mind he could hear it, no matter how impossible that seemed. Your eyes met the familiar cool blue, and you were back in every single moment you’d spent with him. He was smiling the same smile he always gave you, his eyes crinkling slightly as they flickered over your more than likely shocked face.
“How have you been?” He asked, his eyes meeting yours once more as you fought your useless brain to say something—anything to him.
“I’ve been alright.” You finally said, your heart hammering in your chest as your own lips stretched into a smile against your will. You couldn’t help it, he always had that effect on you. “What about you?”
Matt sighed through his nose, his shoulders dropping a few centimeters as the two of you began to fully relax again in each other’s presence. “I’ve been okay.” He said breathily, his eyebrows twitching inward as he studied you. “Were you talking about me to Nate?” He asked, the slightest hint of teasing in his voice. You snickered and shook your head, dropping your eyes to the grass below you.
“You were listening?” You teased back, lifting your head again. You couldn’t meet his eyes, so you studied his shirt. It was a simple flannel, similar to the one most of the guys at the bonfire were wearing to keep warm on this chilly Boston night. He grinned and nodded his head, dropping his eyes to his shoes right as you felt brave enough to look at him.
“Can you blame me?” He asked, his eyes meeting yours once more through his eyelashes. Your breath caught in your throat. That familiar pull was working against you without you realizing it, the space between the two of you had dwindled enough that you could feel the heat from his body, you could see the push and pull of his breaths and the rise and fall of his chest. Fuck, you missed him.
“How’s Los Angeles?” You asked dumbly, wanting to smack yourself as he inhaled softly and shrugged.
“Warm, sunny, crazy.” He mumbled. There was something in his eyes you couldn’t quite place, and it was driving you nuts. Two years ago you’d be able to tell what he was thinking just by the way he breathed, but you were out of practice. “How’s college?” He countered. You shrugged in return, a playful smile forming on your lips.
“Stressful, expensive, exhausting.” You said. Matt rolled his eyes and shook his head. His eyes were nothing but fond as they scanned over your face slowly. A million thoughts were racing through your mind at once, but all you could do was keep looking at him like it was the last time you ever would.
The two of you were silent for only a few heartbeats, the both of you just basking in the other’s presence for the first time since that last goodbye. He was the first to speak, and it took everything in you not to fall into his arms at the warmth and sincerity in his voice.
“I missed you.” His voice was only a few decibels above a whisper, but those three words were screaming in your mind the moment they left his mouth. You weren’t the only one wanting, yearning, wishing, hoping, praying, waiting. He missed you. He missed you. Your composure crumbled slightly, and you couldn’t help but smile sadly at him.
“Fuck.” You whispered, running your hands over your face and closing your eyes. “I missed you, too.” You said. Before you could open your eyes, you were pulled into his arms and against his chest. You couldn’t believe you were worried about the beating of your own heart as you listened to the rapid thumping of his against your ear. Like it was second nature, you wrapped your arms around his neck and stood on your toes to fully embrace him like you used to. Your face rested in the crook of his neck, the skin warm against the chilled tip of your nose.
He felt the same—the same warm chest and tight arms making you feel safe, the same familiar scent of vanilla bourbon soap and laundry detergent with the smallest hint of campfire, the same gentle movement of his thumb lightly caressing your back. You relaxed completely against him, his grip on you the only thing keeping you from sliding down his body and laying limp in the grass. He was so familiar, so comfortable, so fucking safe that you never wanted your embrace to end.
“Matty?” You asked, a shiver running down his spine when the warm breath from your lips puffed against his skin. He hummed in reply, swaying softly with you to the quiet music playing from someone’s car speakers. “This is gonna fuck everything up for us, isn’t it?” He didn’t pull away from you, like you expected. He didn’t stiffen either, which was odd. His lips pressed lightly against the top of your head, a soft sigh leaving your lips as you somehow relaxed further.
“I don’t care.” He whispered. You pulled back to meet his eyes, your pulse deafening in your ears as you searched for anything on his face that wasn’t sincere. Matt never broke eye contact with you, a small smile forming on his lips. “I’m being serious. These last two years have fucking sucked, and I don’t care if we fuck it up because I missed you. Can we forget about saying goodbye, just tonight?” He asked. He sounded almost breathless, begging you for just one night together like old times.
Before you could say anything, his eyes were flickering to your lips and he was leaning in. You gasped lightly, his lips barely brushing against yours as your eyes fluttered closed. Warmth completely enveloped you the moment you tightened your arms around his neck and closed the space between the two of you, the cool summer night completely forgotten as your fingers tangled in his hair and scratched lightly at his scalp.
You’d forgotten what it was like to kiss him, you’d forgotten how he’d hold the back of your neck with one hand and grip your waist with the other like his life depended on it, no matter how gentle the kiss was. It drove you wild every time, your body feeling like it was on fire as he pulled you impossibly closer to him. His kiss was gentle, soft, full of passion and yearning, yet rough, hard and full of tension and desperation. You could feel the pain he’d felt the last two years with each soft brush of his tongue against yours, and it took everything in you not to break down in tears mid kiss. Your Matty was back, and you didn’t think you’d ever be able to let him go again, even though you knew you had to.
When the two of you pulled a part for air, you couldn’t help but stare up at him with soft, gasping breaths leaving your lips. Matt’s eyes remained closed, his eyebrows furrowed tightly. He looked…miserable, and you hated it. You untangled your hands from his hair, one of your palms resting against his chest while your other hand reached up and cupped his cheek softly. Your thumb caressed the crease between his eyebrows until he relaxed, finally opening his eyes to meet yours. Every single bit of anguish you’d felt for the last two years was written all over his face. It was etched into the lines by his eyes, the twitching corners of his mouth, and it was glimmering in the cool blue of his iris’. He was in as much pain as you’d been in, and it made you want to scream.
“Did you stop loving me?” Matt asked, his voice thick and raspy. You inhaled sharply, your own brows furrowing.
“Matty, I—”
“Just.” He interrupted, exhaling deeply through his nose and looking into the flames of the fire rippling a few feet to your left. “Just answer the question, please.” He didn’t return his gaze to yours, no matter how badly you wanted him to look into your eyes and see the answer screaming out at him from your heart. You fish-mouthed for a few seconds before taking a deep, shaky breath and closing your eyes.
“I don’t think I could ever forgive myself if I stopped loving you.” You said, Matt’s gaze finally returning to yours. You smiled brokenly, letting your eyes well with the hot tears you’d been fighting since seeing him and his brothers the second you looked across the fire. Your hands clenched into fists in his flannel, your body desperate for him to stay close to you. “Loving you…fuck, loving you was the best thing I’ve ever done, even if it went up in flames. It made every argument, every bad day, every break up and reconnection worth it. I didn’t think it was possible, and I thought I was doing so well getting over you, but I love you just as much as I did the day we broke up for the last time. And it’s okay if you stopped loving me completely, because I can understand how you could.” You whispered the last few words, closing your eyes and letting the depth of your words fall over the two of you. You dropped your head, sniffling to yourself and trying to pull yourself together before you made a mess of things again.
Matt’s fingers lightly gripping your chin had a shaky exhale leaving your lips as he lifted your head. Your eyelids fluttered open, the tip of his nose almost touching yours with how close the two of you still were. His tongue peaked out to wet his lips and he opened his mouth to speak as his grip moved from your chin to his hand cupping your jaw and holding it firmly.
“The one thing I didn’t miss was the lack of faith you had in yourself being loveable.” He said clearly, firmly, matter-of-factly. He’d told you a million times before that there was absolutely no reason for him not to love you, but you never stopped looking for that one reason to present to him. “I have loved you so completely, so wholly, so entirely since the day I met you, and the day we said goodbye. You were and are the last person I think of when I fall asleep, and the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning. For so long, you were the only person I wanted to be around, and the only person I knew that I couldn’t live without.” He said, your eyes wide as you stared up at his smug face with a slack jaw.
“The fact that I came back each and every time you looked me in my face and tore my heart out of my chest, still wanting and needing to be a part of you and your life should show how much I loved and still love you. If you can’t see how deep my love for you is, then I truly don’t know what we were doing in the first place.” He finished, the tears that had welled in your eyes had begun to fall, Matt smiling softly down at you as his thumb tenderly swiped the tears away. “Don’t cry, baby. I was only telling you the truth. I’m just glad that it seems now you finally choose to believe it.”
You sniffled and shook your head up at him, not understanding how only a short time ago you were staring at him from across a bonfire, absolutely petrified of him seeing you and not being interested enough to even wave, and here you were. You were standing in his arms, only a few feet away from the fire, listening to him tell you that all of your sleepless nights full of tossing and turning, overthinking, watching him and his brothers’ videos on YouTube for some semblance of normalcy, he was missing you and loving you just as much as you were him. You couldn’t help but smile up at him and pull him closer to you, wrapping him in the tightest hug you could manage. You wanted it to feel the way his words made you feel, warm and safe and protected and loved. So fucking loved that you could hardly stand it.
“What does this mean, Matty?” You whispered against his shoulder. He sighed into your hair, his grip around your waist tightening as he shook his head.
“Just enjoy the moment, baby. We’ll talk about that later.” He mumbled, pulling away from the hug to press a kiss to your forehead, cheek, and then pressing his lips firmly to yours. It was only a firm peck, and he pulled away. “Watch the fireworks with me?” He asked. You nodded your head and turned around, letting him press himself against your back and wrap his arms around you like he’d done a million times before. His chin rested against your shoulder, and you leaned your head slightly to the side to rest your temple against his as the first firework shot into the sky. Each and every breath you took, you breathed him in, not wanting this moment to end.
It was possible that by the end of the night, the two of you would go your separate ways and leave one another again for an indefinite amount of time, or maybe even continue your cycle from two years ago. But it was also possible that the two of you would start something new, maybe change the cycle and make sure it wasn’t repeated again. You had a feeling it was one of the latter two options.
After all, you two were never really over.
tags: @strniolo , @ssturniolo , @thetriplets3 , @stvrni0lo , @gabbylovesreading , @dwntwn-strnlo , @tylerscreat0r , @toyourloves , @lvrsparadise , @angelcake-222 , @20nugs , @obsessivencrazy , @lollibumblebee , @stargirlv0id , @jellybeanbby , @idontexistman , @emssturniolo , @soursturniolo , @bernardenjoyer , @ev3rgreenxtrees , @reveriewave , @mxqdii , @leah-loves-lilies , @mattsnutsack , @champangekisses , @floofparker
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swannieluv · 1 day
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₊⊹ Fogaréu.
✦⸼࣪⸳ Pairing: Arlecchino x GN! Childhood friend Reader
✦⸼࣪⸳ WC: 4k
✦⸼࣪⸳ Warnings: Injuries, child abuse, blood and death.
✦⸼࣪⸳ Insp. by João e Maria - Chico Buarque
✦⸼࣪⸳ A/N: Finally wrote for Arle and I really liked it! I hope you can enjoy reading this and GOOD LUCK ON YOUR PULLS!!!
✦⸼࣪⸳ likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated!! <3
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If there was one thing the Knave knew about herself, it was that she was no saint. One way or another, she had to triumph over those around her to climb the ladder of power and reach the top. She watches over everyone with a sharp but zealous eye, without losing mutual respect for those under her wing.
On nights like this, with the children already in bed, The Knave would be found walking peacefully through the dark corridors, only a small lamp in her hands for company. Every now and then, the ghosts of the past seemed to walk around her in that pit of darkness.
With subtle movements, she gently opened the door to one of the rooms, checking if all children were asleep. It was an unnecessary gesture, since no child - at least not those with a love for their lives - would dare disobey such a simple rule for nothing. It wouldn't be strange to say that she had ironically acquired this maternal habit after becoming Father. Was she getting soft? No. Absolutely not.
Cautiously measuring the force with which she closed the door, preventing any of the children from waking up, Arlecchino stares at the tiny splinters made by the children to measure the height. In it, three familiar names almost washed away by the action of time. Perhaps the door should be replaced soon, in a small renovation planned with the money from a "kind donor".
Her fingers ever so gently touch the splinters. There was nothing much to it, so why... why did her mind start resurrecting the forgotten ones of the past? She finally allowed herself to be carried away by the wave of nostalgia for the first time in many years, since that was the room she had once used.
"..."
'I'm sorry, I didn't know it was your spider :('
The white-haired child stared at the note slipped under the door for a few seconds before folding it up and slipping it into her pocket. At that time, there was no 'Arlecchino' but Peruere.
It would be comical if it weren't tragic that the child on the other side of the door had crushed Peruere's pet spider with full force the other day, though it wasn't necessarily their fault if the animal was running around unnoticed on the floor. She harbored hatred and resentment towards her spider's killer, it’s just not worth the stress. But seeing her pet crushed at someone else's feet was cruel enough.
If it hadn't been for their remorse, the chances of Peruere opening the door would have been zero. So she decided to give just one more chance to her… friend, the troublemaker [Name].
"You killed Lady Belladonna."
Peruere left the room, walking aimlessly. However, her unwanted companion crossed the path all the time. Sometimes they were walking to the right, other times they were in front or diagonally. It was annoying and they stepped on Peruere's shoes all the time, almost knocking them off.
"Ms. Bella- Ah, the spider." [Name] blinked twice before their face burned with shame at the attitude towards the animal. "In my defense... I didn't know that ugly insect- err, I mean, devoid of beauty, was yours."
"Spiders are..."
"Arachnids..."
The light from the lamp had been extinguished long ago, leaving its bearer in complete darkness for who knows how long. Or rather, it returned Arlecchino to the bitter realm of reality. Standing in silence, she navigated for minutes in thoughts that are only allowed after the flames of the fireplace have ceased.
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There is no clear distinction between what exactly is acceptable and what is bad, it's all a question of point of view. Many factors differentiate Arlecchino from her predecessor. But in the end, the King's cycle has always repeated itself and always will, no matter who is in control and what their policies are.
During all the years that Arlecchino exercised her role as Father within the House of Hearth, there was never a child who couldn't be "tamed", a challenge that was never overcome.
There has never been a challenge like... [Name], and Arlecchino can only be thankful for that since, without a shadow of a doubt, they had been simply the clumsiest child the House of Hearth has ever received. Stumbling around the corridors with that typical mischievous grin on their face.
Carrying drawing materials, instruments, weapons or anything else they could get their hands on, [Name] ran up and down the corridors looking for something they could make or break.
It wasn't uncommon for those around them to stop what they were doing to observe the way they carried herself around, Peruere included. [Name] was a strange child, but undeniably very charismatic. However, once they had passed, everything returned to its usual monotonous rhythm, because they were so...
"Exaggerated."
The word left her lips unconsciously, slipping out of her thoughts and taking shape. It was a slip of the tongue that surprised even its author, whose face didn't let go of its stoicism for a second.
There wasn't a single action carried out by Arlecchino that didn't carry with it a purpose. From the time they went to bed to the food they ate, everything was done to ensure that the children performed as well as possible. After all, there are no quality sheep without pasture.
Leaving that aside and the inspection completed, she turned back to the traditional home office - of course, she had completely redesigned it after taking over, but it was still classic.
Arlecchino had always been professionally organized. She didn't have a lot of paperwork because she didn't do it, but because she simply did. As a Harbinger, countless responsibilities fell on her shoulders. Just the slightest slip-up would not only jeopardize her, but also those around her.
Accompanied by the typical cherry tea - one of her few preferences - the Harbinger diligently wrote like there was no tomorrow, at a fast and precise pace. Alongside this, the sweet aroma of the tea didn't help to stop the parallel thoughts, sugary like the distant memories tormenting her thoughts today, dancing around her head and bringing to the surface what should remain guarded.
"You don't seem to understand anything about this." The x-shaped pupils reflected in the liquid served as a distraction from the constant boredom, or just a way of distancing herself from her surroundings.
Ah, yes. That's exactly what they used to do, tea parties prepared by children who had no idea how they worked. Brilliant.
"And what's there to understand? We just have to put tea in the cup and drink it then-" The rest of the words were like an incoherent buzz, proof of the vagueness surrounding these memories. "Let me show you. It's just like that-"
Splash.
"..."
Without her noticing, the tea had spilled on her white jacket, staining it a blood red. A pity, as it was such a pretty piece. Leaving that aside, her first action was to check for any burns and take it off to clean.
She would wash it with her bare hands in the laundry room, well away from the bedrooms so as not to interrupt anyone's sleep. Then she left the rings on the table and made her way through the house again, with no light to guide her. It was so chilly when the fire was extinguished. But she was used to it, and certainly so were the other residents.
"Freminet, you know that I can see you. Right?"
"P-Pardon." From the shadows emerged Freminet, face turned downwards as if he were hiding something and his usual shy attitude. He seemed to be desperately wiping away the tears flowing from his eyes; after all, Father didn't like it when children cried.
She turned around, looking away from Freminet. "You shouldn't be awake. Go back to your room and I'll let it slide this time."
"Yes, Father." Freminet fled the scene like a shadow. There was no intention of frightening him, only of warning him.
He was there before she became Father, although he was too young to possibly remember much of the events that led to her ascension. Well, he was a good kid either way.
Arlecchino didn't like tears, they were just a semblance of pain and weakness. She had already seen too much suffering in her life to hate them. They were a reminder of the suffering experienced and something she wouldn't like to see again.
But it didn't mean they couldn't cry by themselves. She only wanted them to be strong enough to defend themselves so not have to go through the horrors of the world, although she knows it's impossible.
"..."
How many times did Peruere wake up in the dead of night, in pain and agony as her curse only intensified? Inside, she wanted to let out an inhuman scream, which is a way of being heard in this fairytale-like hellhole.
The silence around her agitated her further and further, and in a numb state, she couldn't rest. At any moment, it was as if she would be eaten from the inside out by the curse inside her body.
"Hey, hey... Calm down, is everything all right?"
The pain she felt that day was real, but the comfort given to her was more markable. It hurt (and a lot), but no tears would dare to flow from her exhausted eyes, carrying a great deal of fatigue. "You're not going to tell Mother, right?”
“Not if you don't want me to.”
"Then don't.” She didn't want to be taken care of by her, so she was fine as long as the pain didn't kill her. "Although I don't think she'll stay in the dark about it for long."
“But won't Mother be mad if she sees us awake?” They sat on her bed, keeping distance enough to be able to jump quickly to their own in case the door opens.
The leather belt hanging on the side of the old clock was a threat for those who were bold enough to try to break the rules. All children should be in bed during the whole night, no exceptions. But no one could stop [Name] from doing what they wanted.
“If she gets mad, then I'll take the blame for you…”
“Then you're just gonna get hurt!” They left an incredulous whisper. There was no way she would do that, right?
“And won't you?”
“Honestly, I'd rather be beaten than grounded.”
In a way, being hit would be better because it would happen once and then they could heal for the next few days. Since they weren't doing anything too serious, the punishment wouldn't be so bad.
But being grounded was the worst thing that could happen to a child inside the House. Or they would get excruciating tasks during weeks, or have their freedom taken away as if it was nothing. And [Name] certainly didn't like being stuck in a dark room with little light for days.
“I don't think there's a better option between those two…”
"You need more rest, you know that?" Arlecchino could no longer feel the comfort of those hands. But she was sure it was a gentle touch, because she didn't feel repulsed. "I don't understand why you accept to go through all this pain alone..."
"Because only pain breeds understanding—"
Mother's motto, a phrase repeated over and over again as a justification for the punishments handed out. Painfully engraved in children's minds as a survival rule.
"No, no, no, no, no," the hurried voice tried to silence the other. "Shh, shh. It's not like that, stop thinking like that."
"If you want to talk, then talk. If you want to cry, then cry... For the archon, if you even want to kill, then kill! But don't accept things so easily! It's so frustrating!"
Their whispers were angry, but it was clear that the anger was not directed at Peruere. In any case, she felt a little guilty about making someone take care of her.
“I don't believe that's exactly how it works—” she answered, grabbing her arm as it itched from under her skin. The simplest movement of Peruere's fingers was enough to make them snap and the sound echo through the room.
“Can I see your arms? Or is it still hurting a lot?” They wouldn't do anything without Peruere's permission. Even though they hated seeing her like that, they would respect her boundaries just like she respects theirs.
“You can…”
They gently gave her a gentle massage, trying to help that overbearing pain to go away. Peruere tried to think of something she could say to thank her friend without the typical “thank you”. Her lack of expression was a bit frustrating.because she didn't want to come out as ungrateful, but couldn't think of the right thing to say.
“Hm… thank you…” She ended up saying the same overused words, and was about to apologize when she saw the droplets of water drip down their face. How weird, for it was the first time someone had cried for her, and the first time she had been hugged so tightly.
“It's really okay… I just want to see you well.”
"Come on, you know I care about your well being." The embrace that enveloped her was as warm as an ember, and helped her hide the shame on her face. "You're not going to take my advice, are you?”
"No."
"Haha... You're so stubborn." Wiping away their tears, [Name] released Peruere's cheeks.
The scene didn't last long. It was all because they were careless enough not to notice the person standing there in the doorway, watching with a neutral, expressionless face. They were taken by surprise like two rabbits in a trap.
“Peruere, [Name], go to the Hearth room. I wish to see the two by the morning.”
That tricky grin that appeared on the woman's face never failed to confuse Peruere. Mother knows best, so why… Why was Peruere starting to slowly doubt her conduct?
The two could only stare back and low their head in respect — no, fear. Whispering the same thing in unison, they silently made their way to the door.
“Yes, Mother.”
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During the daily routine, the Knave set aside a part of the evening to get together with the orphans by the fireplace. A family activity that built their companionship and teamwork for future missions, certainly not an excuse for them to have the playtime they needed while growing up.
She usually sat in the furthest seat, watching them talk in their jovial, relaxed language. These young people today... she was sure that these dialects were not part of the vocabulary used during her youth.
Generation by generation, they would have to fight their way to the top. But now, she hopes that this chain is broken and plans for her method to continue for a good few years after her title passes on.
Lyney. He was the most likely to take over as King, although she still doesn't believe he's fully ready to take on the challenge. He was a kind-hearted child, but he needed to evolve so that he had what it took to abandon childlike ways and embrace a different reality forcefully.
In a way, someone had to suffer so that others could survive. Whether it was selfish for her to be the one to choose that person or not is a matter for another discussion. But just the thought that most of these children could become adults already appeased Arlecchino's heart.
As she closes her eyes and contemplates the sound of the fire crackling and the laughter of those around her, alongside the moonlight, Arlecchino's mind drifts to the past once again.
Just for a second...
“What is it exactly that you want, Peruere?”
"I wish for the same as the others." Everyone is waiting for the moment when they will compete for the position of King, aren't they? After all, that's the goal. "But what about you? What do you want?"
"All I know is that I know nothing. Stupid,. isn't it?"
Click.
The opening of the window completely dispelled those thoughts of Peruere, who was absentmindedly observing everything. Ahead, [Name] took in the cool breeze and the warmth of the sunset rays that touched their face, now clear and fresh in the Knave's mind.
Carelessly, already characteristic of them, [Name] climbed onto the windowsill. "I don't want to be King, or Mother, or Fatui or... anything."
Although the light touched every inch of the room, it was as if Peruere remained in the dark. There, hidden in the shadow cast by [Name], she looked away.
The hand outstretched to her, how could she possibly forget it? The hesitation to grasp it would forever be one of her greatest regrets, as would all the words that went unsaid. Peruere's cold, disconnected manner had often been the best weapon she could use, but also a major flaw.
"I want to be... free."
"..." Without an answer, her gaze only followed [Name]'s raised hand, pointed at the sky - more precisely, two birds hovering there.
"Tell me, Peruere..." the dramatic pause, their eyes still full of tears. Everything contributed to the melancholy of the moment "Will we ever be like them?"
"..."
Freedom. Peruere never had never truly believed in it. There is no such thing as true freedom, never has been and never will be. Does being free mean having autonomy? What nonsense, at the end of the day everyone is tied to their ideologies and beliefs. The two of them were no exception.
[Name] was like a resilient flame that lit up the frigid walls of the House of Hearth, bringing an air of change and perhaps hope wherever she went. On the other hand, Peruere was a... moth, yes, a single moth that belonged in the darkest corners of the night. Their flaw was clearly their ego. From an outside view, not in a million years could [Name] become King. However, something was burning inside those hopeful yet stubborn eyes, an even greater ambition.
Undeniably, Peruere felt slightly confused about them. They were a source of trouble, that was a fact. But then, why was she increasingly tempted to go against the rules with them?
"Don't dream too much. Freedom is too distant a utopia for us." She offered [Name] her hand in return, helping them down from the window.
"But aren't you curious? Maybe... maybe the world isn't as small as in here."
"And if it isn't? Will it make any difference? Either way, we'll still be chained up like the good dogs we are."
"Hm..."
"Look at me." The seriousness in [Name]'s gaze surprised me. There was no longer that silly smile on their face, nor did their voice carry the same casualness, just the seriousness needed.
"If you're going to be King, do it properly."
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The metallic smell of blood no longer bothered her - she'd been feeling it long enough to get used to it. And the disgust at being stained with Crucabena's blood was tremendous, and the emptiness of the corridors was a stark reminder of the massacre that had taken place there, since at that moment, only Peruere's deep footsteps could be heard.
Did [Name] manage to get out? Surely those who survived had gone into hiding somewhere, so Peruere made a point of searching every room from top to bottom to make sure that none had been left behind from the first search. There was no longer a Mother to run to, one monster had just devoured another in the great food chain that shapes the structures of the House of Hearth.
The bloody marks on the wall gave Peruere an ominous feeling. But now, the goal was different: to find [Name]. With everything that was going on, she was sure that the other would fulfill the agreement they had made. If [Name] wasn't there, then they had successfully escaped. So Peruere ran from where she was to the fireplace room.
And [Name] did as said. They laid there, leaning against the fireplace as if seeking the comfort of the flames. But what she didn't expect was the large open wound in their chest, which they held in distress at the pain caused.
And of all the memories Arlecchino could have, this was undoubtedly the freshest and most agonizing. It plagued her mind like a broken record, repeating itself over and over and over again.
That was the first time she didn't feel fear, but pure dread. Hidden by the serious face, her heart was restless from the sudden rush of adrenaline until her face paled like paper and her eyes widened as if they were going to pop out, for the person standing there was about to die.
"Y-You... did you... do i-it?"
She nodded in agreement, before kneeling down next to them. Peruere couldn't hide her nervousness, unconsciously biting her lower lip to keep it all in; because [Name] didn't deserve to see Peruere in the state her mind was now in.
"Y-You got really... hurt, h-huh?"
With one hand, they stroked Peruere's cheek. This time she remembered the feeling of the fingers getting colder and colder and the weakness that made them tremble, which was why she removed the other's hand from her face.
"[Name]..."
"I wasn't quick enough... I-I-"
"Shh... spare the words."
Peruere took them in her arms, supporting their head as she tried to calm her down - they were already calm enough, it was Peruere herself who needed it. She already understood that death would tear one more person away from her as the flames warmed them, at least for now.
"T-Talk to me, please. I don't want to die in the silence… A-All this quietness is torturing me…" their voice had already become a desperate whisper while they clutched to Peruere tighter, as if they needed her — and they did.
Peruere wiped the blood dripping from [Name]'s lips, before thinking carefully about what to say. Breathing heavily, she began to sing. "Now it was fatal...That the make-believe would end up like this...
[Name]'s eyes widened one last time, before tearing up. But it wasn't out of sadness, as their smile remained and even grew. What a sight, for someone close to death to be reassured by so little.
"I thought... you didn't... like lullabies...?" They were gently interrupted by a finger over the lips.
"Beyond this yard... It's a never ending night..."
They felt their breathing slowly cease, the hand holding hers loosen, and the tears in their eyes flow. Poor [Name], they wouldn't see the end of the song, because they'd already be on the other side. "Peruere... T-Thanks... for being... my friend..."
"B-Because you disappeared into the world without telling me..." Never had Peruere's voice trembled so much. But she would keep singing, she needed to finish this melody for that one peaceful smile as if their life hadn't been taken so painfully, or she would regret it bitterly for the rest of her life.
"And now I was a foolish one asking..." she wiped away her friend's tears and closed their eyes, which reflected the starlight on the other side of the window. Now they would become just like a bird and know true freedom, while Peruere would remain a moth in the dark, without her flame to guide the way.
"What is life going to do with me…?”
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rishiguro · 1 year
Text
DESOLATION - S. RINTAROU
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a/n: i’m projecting and got carried away
warnings: self-deprecating thoughts, self-loathing and slight allusions to passive suicidal ideation (just to be safe, i don’t know if that’s actually the case). 2.3k of hurt/comfort (though i feel like it’s mostly hurt)
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slamming the door shut behind you, you let out a sigh, leaning your body against the wood. you closed your eyes, fists clenching on your sides.
nothing felt right anymore. the weeks passed by in an instant and yet every day seemed to be endless and monotonous. you woke up, did your work, came home and repeated that cycle the next day and the day after that.
you forgot how it was to wake up excited for the day and content with the path you were taking. how long has it been? now it was just a drag, a weight on your shoulders that kept pressing you down.
you couldn’t tell when or even how this started. everything was fine after all, wasn’t it? there was no trigger that caused all of this, no, and yet it would feel wrong to say that there was no reason in particular.
you just knew that you wanted it to be over.
taking your shoes off with a low hanging head, you sat down on the floor, trying to take deep breaths and calm yourself down.
it was okay, wasn’t it? you were finally home, you could recharge and just shut yourself off from the world. just let go of everything for a couple of hours before you would be thrown back into real life.
all you needed was a break.
“baby?” suna’s voice came from the living room, faint as it reached your ears. “you alright?”
you could hear his footsteps as he came closer to the hall, quickly jumping to your feet before he managed to poke his head out of the doorway.
you felt your chest getting warm as a smile plastered itself on your partner’s face as soon as he saw you.
you affirmed as you turned your back to him, slowly taking off your jacket and putting it away. you barely even paid attention to the questions he was asking you, simply answering them with only two to three words before diverting the attention back to him and asking him about his day.
suna didn’t have to be a genius to notice that something was off. you hadn’t seen how his smile was immediately wiped from his face as soon as you turned around after seeing him, shifting into a confused frown. he saw how you not just hung your jacket, but also opted to sort the hallway closet, acting like you were actually interested in the order of everything inside of it in a pathetic attempt to get him to go away.
but he wasn’t having any of it.
you didn’t notice how suna went quiet, studying your form and taking notice of your sluggish state.
he wasn’t an idiot. he had noticed how you got quieter with every passing day, losing more and more energy until you barely did anything outside of going to work. and he hated how you put on a smile whenever you thought he was looking, only to have it wiped away as soon as you turned around. and when he did approach you, you only shrugged him off, pinning your state on a stressful day at work or a bad night’s sleep.
“what’s wrong?” he finally asked, arms crossed and leaning against the doorframe.
“long day,” you only claimed “i’m gonna go wash up” immediately after you practically ran away, locking the bathroom door behind you and releasing your breath.
you thoughts raced as you washed your hands under the cold water. was it really fair to act this way? you practically dismissed your boyfriend, not even paying attention to anything he was saying just because you didn’t feel your best. and this wasn’t just a one time thing either, no, it happened countless times already, to the point of you not even remembering the last time you had an actual conversation with him that lasted longer than five minutes.
you were really terrible, huh?
you didn’t want to think like this, you knew that this spiral would just sent you down further with no way to escape. you could talk, communicate, somehow get your feelings across, apologize for being such a horrible partner, just anything. you just needed to get your mouth to open.
running the freezing water on your wrists to calm yourself you stared down at your bare skin.
you had to get out there and talk. you had to reach out. suna wasn’t going to turn you away or laugh at you, he’d be there for you just like he always was. he would probably scold you if he knew about the doubts you were having. scratch that, he most likely already knew, having spend so much time by your side, but decided to give you your space until you were ready to come to him, knowing how you could get when people pressured you.
he was so considerate. and you just stomped on that and tore him down.
you stood there for who knows how long, your wrists have gone numb from the water, when you finally decided to turn off the sink, drying your hands and wrists.
meanwhile suna sat on the couch in the living room, his leg bouncing as he stared on his phone, mind drifting back to you. you were so absent, so tired that it started to hurt him. you suffered on your own, shutting everyone out. maybe you didn’t even have the energy to reach out to him and here he sat, perfectly aware of your state of mind with no idea how to help or just make it a little bit easier on you.
his head shot up as he heard the door to the bathroom open, gaze softening as he saw you stepping out of it, feet dragging over the floor as you approached him.
the middle blocker didn’t take his eyes off of you for a second when you came to a halt in front of him, playing with your fingers in front of you.
you took a deep breath as you began to speak, head still hanging low, not wanting to look into his face. “please hug me,” you mumbled, already feeling how your throat closed in, “i really need a hug right now”
he didn’t even waste a second to get up and step closer to you, wrapping his arms around you and pushing you into his body. “always”
and so you stood there, suna holding you secure in his arms, the both of you having your eyes closed and taking in each other’s warmth.
“i’m sorry,” you finally broke, fist clenching the fabric of your boyfriend’s hand, “i’m being such a shitty partner right now and you don’t deserve this”
“it’s okay,” he replied, hands moving from the middle of your back to your waist, drawing small shapes.
you shook your head, still not daring to look at him. “no, it’s not,” you denied, “i have no reason to just waltz in here every day with my shitty mood and ruin your day because of whatever the hell is going on, that’s not fair. and to make it even worse, i’m not even talking to you about it, it’s just like i’m punishing you for something that isn’t even your fault” you rambled, only coming to a stop to take a breath. opening your eyes, you opted to stare at the fabric draped over his chest, face contorted into a pained expression. “i don’t even know what i’m doing anymore,” you whispered through your tight throat, feeling the first tears welling up in your eyes so you immediately shut them, not wanting to feel them pour over your cheeks.
“hey, take a deep breath, alright? we’re okay, i promise” suna was quick to reassure you, hands squeezing the sides of your waist in an attempt to comfort you. he would be lying if he said he wasn’t shocked. he never imagined you to feel so guilty for it, beating yourself up over the fact that you weren’t doing good mentally not for yourself but on his behalf. mentally he scoffed, cursing himself out for not realizing sooner just how long he let this drag along. but he knew that all he should do right now is be there for you and ease your mind, not potentially making everything worse for you. “and don’t you worry about ‘ruining my day’ or something like this, because you’re not, i don’t know who told you this”
he softly petted your head, mumbling some short phrases of affirmation with your arms still tight around him.
“i want to be better, i will be, i promise” your voice was all choked up, your eyes watering behind your eyelids. “i’m sorry i’m not good yet, i’m sorry”
“shhh” the young man shushed you, pressing you closer to him and softly swaying your bodies back and forth. “you’re good, you’re a good person”
you shook your head violently and even though your mind screamed at you to let him go and push him away, you only grabbed him tighter. “i’m not, i’m terrible, i’m horrible and nothing i do is changing that”
“that’s not true,” suna spoke softly, carefully, almost like you were about to run away. he didn’t force you to look at him, looking to the side himself as he spoke, but occasionally glancing at you, only to find you still staring at his shirt concentrated. “you’ve grown so much already and you’re such a good and kind person,” he claimed, a fond smile on his lips. you could hear that he truly believed what he said and while you didn’t exactly want to take his words to heart, you allowed yourself to succumb to them, heart warming at the thought of him genuinely thinking that you weren’t this horrible person you saw yourself as. “i know you can’t believe me, i know, but i promise it’s true”
after a few moments of silence he slightly pulled away to look at you again, one hand traveling to face, a thumb brushing over your wet cheek. “you trust me, right?” you nodded against him. your heart was beating rapidly, to the point of you being afraid that he could hear it.
your boyfriend smiled again, tilting your head upward. “good. then trust me with this too, okay?”
if he was shocked to see the tears running on your cheek quietly, he didn’t let you notice, instead wiping them away carefully.
“okay,” you whispered, “i’ll do my best”
suna smiled softly, kissing your forehead. “i know you will and you’ll do great”
“do you want to talk?” he asked after a couple minutes of you sobbing into him, but not before he couldn’t feel your body calming down in his arms.
you sunk your teeth into your bottom lip, ashamed to face him with what you were about to say. you didn’t want to look at him, you didn’t want to see whatever expression he might have on his face. pity? sadness? or even anger?
“i don’t want to be strong anymore,” you finally confessed.
strong. suna always knew you were strong — a strong person, able to hold so much pain inside of them and not cracking underneath it all. willing to burden yourself with so much, all to see the people you cared for happy, content. strong and carrying so much weight on your shoulders and yet you never wanted to give any of it away, opting to just swallow it down and keep going.
until you couldn’t anymore.
“don’t be” and while others saying this may sound almost condescending, thinking that this was the simplest thing in the world, he somehow made these two words sound so understanding, letting you believe that maybe it was alright for you to want it. “it’s okay”
“i can’t anymore,” you continued, eyes clenched shut as more and more tears found their way out of your eyes, staining not just your cheeks, but also your lover’s shirt.
“i know”
“what can i do?” you asked him, fully knowing that he didn’t have an answer to this question. you felt bad for asking this, bad for dumping all of these thoughts on him, but you knew that he wouldn’t hold this against you. suna wasn’t a particularly complicated or deceiving person — quite the opposite. he was here with you because he cared. and he was willing to deal with whatever it was that was weighing you down. “i don’t want to feel like this”
you continued to sob into him, a warm hand finding it’s way onto your back and drawing circles on it to get you to breathe. “i don’t want to do this anymore”
“i don’t know what to do,” you continued helplessly, mind racing as you poured your entire heart out, “i just want to let go”
and suna pulled you close to him again, whispering softly. “i got you”
“i’m scared,” you admitted, “i’m so scared, rin”
scared of your feelings, scared of change and yet scared of everything remaining the same. scared of not doing well and scared of failing and at the same time scared of losing everything and everyone that was dear to you because you wouldn’t change.
“i know. i’m here,” he didn’t waste a second to reassure you again, desperate to help you understand that no matter what, he loved you and wanted to do everything for you. “i’m here, i promise”
“please help me” suna’s heart broke as you whimpered in his arms, so terrified and vulnerable, exposing just how lost you felt. “make this go away please”
“i got you” he felt his throat drying after he pressed yet another long kiss on your forehead, desperate to convey his deep feelings for you that he just couldn’t voice out loud. “i promise”
“you’re not alone”
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reblog to get cuddles from suna
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