#and the constant commonality is that they are all very sad and lonely but don't speak of it often

[natequarter]

i've been thinking about the ghosts' lives, and i think we exaggerate the extent of their loneliness whilst they were alive. i don't deny that some of their afterlives (mostly humphrey) are filled with loneliness and boredom, but that doesn't account for who they were and what they did in life. it doesn't help that, in the case of humphrey and fanny, most of their flashbacks or anecdotes of their lives are centred on their marriages and respective estrangement - but nothing suggests that their lives in general were sad and lonely.

in en français it's mentioned that humphrey is attending a feast, and in the book we see fanny writing letters to her friends, as well as the menu for her own banquet. neither of them seem miserable at the prospect of these social events, which suggests to me they both had friends of their own. we also get to see the captain's interactions with his regiment (aka idiots fumbling around), kitty hitting it off with a young man her age, and pat writing postcards to his family. none of that seems to suggest overwhelmingly lonely or isolated lives to me, even if those feelings were at some point present. within the show, as well, fanny's relationship with george actually seems quite warm and affectionate. it's only with hindsight that we can see carol's cheating or george's threesomes and murder.

another thing to remember is unhappy marriages were common in the past, thanks to arranged marriages and a lack of access to counselling or divorce. humphrey couldn't have annulled his marriage - the reformation didn't actually change the laws surrounding marriage in england. divorce (when it finally did come around) was also hugely stigmatised well into the twentieth century - even when it was legal, it wasn't necessarily a viable option. this is why a happy marriage, whilst convenient, wasn't necessarily the expectation. taking on mistresses or visiting brothels were common behaviour amongst tudor men for a reason, despite being frowned on by the church, so his marriage was not the be all and end all.

we also get an overwhelming focus on humphrey's home life. humphrey is stated to be nobility and a knight, so he almost certainly spent a large part of his life at court, where he would've had frequent interactions with men his age - and just people full stop - some of whom were probably lifelong friends, and whom he would have written to even when not at court. besides court, as a rich and powerful man, he would have interacted with a lot of people in his daily life - guests at his house, negotiations, really a constant stream of visitors, not to mention being constantly surrounded by servants. his life, unlike his death, was probably a far cry from lonely and forgotten.

one other thing we don't really get a sense of in ghosts is the ghosts' family. does the captain have siblings? did mary have a close relationship with her parents? did humphrey have children? we get some answers to these - we see pat and julian's relationships with their families, and we know fanny must have had kids - but with mary and humphrey in particular, we never really get a sense of what their families looked like beyond one or two relatives. we don't see kitty's cousins; we don't see mary's children; we don't see thomas' siblings. and so on, and so forth.

it's just part of how the show is structured, not an intentional flaw, but i do think we sometimes exaggerate the extent of the ghosts' lives. many of these people were surrounded by friends and acquaintances! we just don't see it so much, because those people are all very dead. the only place this is really preserved and present in the show is in the plague ghosts' friendships, which give us an idea of their very communal and interdependent lives. oh, and robin's tribe. and the incest...

it's easy to forget the ghosts' lives when they've been dead for so long, but i think we do them a disservice when we ignore the majority of their pasts to focus on one aspect of their relationships.

#bbc ghosts

[silverskye13]

That xisuma fic was absolutely incredible! If you have any more specific headcanons about android!X I would love to hear them! The idea is amazing and you wrote it so well!

Hai-yo! I'm glad you liked the writing snippet! ^_^

Oh boy, headcanons. How dare you make me organize my thoughts! Let's see.

Android!X is a server that one day decided to stop running in the background. Where I think most of the hermits were "born" on a home world that they can return to, it's more like Xisuma goes into his own mind. Similarly, if someone were to plot a course in the universe to Xisuma's home world, they'd just end up standing in front of him. [I feel like this also means between seasons X just kinda floats like a spaceman in hyper sleep through the void, go you funky little robot go!]

His body is made of circuitry and nanobots? In a way that isn't in any way functional to real life. But it's like he's a beehive almost. He has a living, moving body, but it's built for finesse and life-like expression. That kind of detail needs constant maintenance, so he has a fleet of little drone nanobots constantly doing repairs.

On that note, I think metallic/cybernetic/redstone components don't respawn like organic matter does on death. If it takes damage, it has to be repaired. Hermits like Doc are only mildly hampered by this, since any time his mechanics break, only parts of him are out of commission. For X though, anything that doesn't kill him outright has to be repaired. His nanobots help this, especially with small bits of damage accrued throughout the day, but anything that does significant damage requires him to power down to focus on repair and rebuild, where his nanos can run rampant while he rests. [He's never not productive though. Normally he uses this time to catch up on writing memory transcripts and other general internal housekeeping.]

Android!X is functionally smart but because everything he's ever done has had to be coded, a lot of things slip between gaps in his logic. He's a very smart computer, but he's still a computer. Common sense things slip between the cracks because common sense on regular people is mostly pattern recognition and intuition. Xisuma's only intuition is something he's hand-written in a table in a file somewhere. If he's never had to write/code it, and it's unique enough to not show up in a basic dictionary/archive search, it's a blind spot for him. He can query and in a millisecond give you data facts about the deep dark and still forget that the clicking noise his thinking pattern makes would attract a Warden. This also means he sometimes has weird hang ups in social situations sometimes. Yeah sure, Etho and BDubs are having the same friendly debate from last week, but this time BDubs is 30% louder [possible difference in altercation severity?] and Etho is on hazardous ground [standing on scaffolding, increasing height, personal endangerment? Posturing? Intimidation technique?], which means this situation is actually totally different and he's never coded protocols for it. He's gotten pretty good at reading other people's reactions to gauge his own, but when he's alone, he sometimes has an error he's affectionately labeled a "social short circuit". Good thing they're all hermits and understand when he sometimes just... walks away from things.

Even X doesn't know where his emotions come from. He knows he can augment them [He has a database for complex feelings like "happy and also sad" and "lonely but content", as well as for tonally dissonant scenarios like "feel worried when Cleo says 'its fine'."] and he has on a handful of occasions been able to shut them down when he was too overwhelmed or in a tense situation. But he has no idea where the emotions originally came from, and his ability to control their intensity [and turning them off] is so non-existent it's nearly random.

Xisuma has been trying to code a way to feel pain for a long time. Most of the hermits think he's crazy when he talks about it, but he thinks it would cut back on a lot of his time spent on damage assessment. It's much easier to tell if something is broken if you can feel it break. Currently his only indication something is wrong is if a circuit is actively frying or something stops working -- or if his nanos sniff it out.

Xisuma doesn't eat, but he tells his friends he eats redstone. It cuts back on some of the unnecessary worry about his well-being. It also means when they think he's distressed, they leave him little gifts of redstone, and he finds that endearing.

Xisuma likes to dress up his cybernetics. It started out with trying new paint jobs and slowly escalated to building new body casings with fancy cosmetics. He's very proud of his bone mage cosplay. The little dragon helmet has glowy-eyes and smoke comes out of its nose and everything. Tango, Joe and Cleo like to help him design things, and he lets Doc and Grian go ham trying to stress test [ie ruthlessly destroy] the parts to make sure they're durable before he commits to a design.

And that's about all I've got for now I think!

#answering asks #the barking writer #xisuma #android!xisuma #robot!xisuma #savviathan #long post #longpost #woe! my headcanons be upon ye!

[mr-nauseam]

The Case of Lonely Mothers p. 2

A study about the "similarities" between Mrs. Plinth and Mrs. Everdeen and their relationships with their respective children

Read only if you are interested in parallel Sejanus/Katniss. Otherwise just don't read it

For Juli (@julietasgf)

.

Remember I'm doing this for fun. I do not believe that such "parallel" between Mrs. Plinth and Mrs. Everdeen is something Suzanne put in the text with intention, I just notice a lot of coincidences in them

First part here

.

IV. The Conclusion

"You cannot fathom how much I've mourned, what thousands of years of grief has done to me"

(Rebecca Sugar)

Sejanus Plinth and Katniss Everdeen are two teenagers, lacking the skills necessary to navigate the world they live in. They survive as best they can, on their own

Why are them by their own if they are so young? Because they had no one

Their fathers, unable to communicate with them and to guide them properly, either because there is a great Incompatibility that prevents them from being on the same channel or something greater, such as death, creates a barrier between them that is impossible to overcome, are not a option

Their mothers would naturally be the other option to consider to be their guides - and in reality it is socially expected that they are the ones in charge of raising them, and not their fathers, with all that implies. But if they have no one, this mean that their mothers are neither an option?

The answer is yes, and we will now explore this further

Let's pick up where we left off: Mrs. Plinth and Mrs. Everdeen are women with previous stories of trauma, who are re-traumatized by an event of great magnitude that forever disrupts their lives (and their relationships with their children)

In Ma's case, it was the loss of home, of her family upon moving to the Capitol that plunged her into an eternal mourning of longing and sadness

For Mrs. Everdeen, it was the loss of the love of her life and the bleak future she saw before her that plunged her into catatonic depression and death mourning

Their pain ends up impacting and significantly altering their family dynamics

In the Plinth's case, Ma has many advantages that Mrs. Everdeen does not. First of all, her traumas do not have such severe effects on her body (catatonic state) and by having Strabo by her side, she has assured economic stability for her and her son, which alleviates many discomforts (they will never go hungry, they will always be warm), in fact, her privileged position within the Capitol saves her son from one of the most distressing and common experiences that parents live in Panem: the reaping ceremony, which represents the very real possibility of losing their children in a dehumanizing and cruel way

However, this does not prevent her depression, as her more fortunate position in certain respects still lacks important pillars for Ma person

Ma is isolated in a very particular way. Outside of her husband and son, she has no one to talk to, not only that, she lacks the ability to be vulnerable with another human being, as the people around her are hostile to her at every turn

While I don't believe Ma has suffered more than a few incidents of discrimination that were overly explicit verbally or physically, the Capitol is still a world of many delicate social rules, guided by microaggressions and a constant passive aggressive attitude, which makes for a very stressful environment, which for someone like Mrs. Plinth who could never adapt to the ways of the Capitol must be as overwhelming and stifling as it was for Sejanus, if not more so

For she had the responsibility of taking care of him, and having to deal with Sejanus' own trauma and xenophobic experiences (he suffering from bullying for example), placed her in a very complex decision to deal with

Which ended up causing her to become unable to handle it properly or ideally: Making her ends up becoming very dependent on Sejanus. He is her reason for staying in this world (and that may not sound so bad but it is a lot of pressure)

She don't do that with intent - in fact I would like to say that will is not something that intervenes in this analysis- but who else does she have?

No friends. No family. No community. No home. And full of emotions (sadness, frustration, homesickness, etc). She also many emotional needs that cannot be satisfied by anyone

I must say. Her relationship with Strabo doesn't seem to be bad but we know he may not be the best person to go to when it comes to her grieving for her home (he had a very strong opinion about this matter). In the text they seem to have talked about it (the mention of Strabo opining that for Sejanus' children the situation will be better), it's just that his comfort is not in tune with her emotions

But she had Sejanus and he suffers in a similar way to Ma. He can understand her and offer her the comfort she needs. They are each other's unconditional support -for Sejanus has no one to be completely vulnerable with either

The problem is that Sejanus was comforting his mother since he was 8 years old

Ma has been Sejanus' mother, she has been able to be. I'm not deny it, she's not in Mrs. Everdeen situation at the end of the day, but I don't think it's such a stretch to say that she has unwittingly forced Sejanus to meet her emotional needs

If we go with this assumption it is not strange to see why Ma Plinth could not teach her son to survive in the cruel world he was born into. For she does not know how to live in it either

Ma navigates the Capitol in the ways of the district. She doesn't fit in, she mismatches. She doesn't know how to make friends. She doesn't know how to stop the scorn of the people she lives with - or the people she left behind.

She doesn't have the tools so she can't pass them on

Mrs. Everdeen is a difficult case, and while her neglect of Katniss - and to a lesser extent of Prim - is undeniable, her circumstances were too harsh to expect her to get through them without a support system

I reiterate here something I already mentioned: willpower has nothing to do with these stories. It's not a question of if they would have wanted to / if they would have tried harder. Plain and simple, circumstances overcame them or at least impossibly - severely limiting their actions.

And this is essential to understand especially when we talk about Mrs. Everdeen. Let's review her context: she lives in District 12 -one of the most fucked districts in all Panem-, she grew up as part of the merchant class so she had certain privileges and then lost them. This influences the kind of lack she is used to face -how she lives it- and also the knowledge she has of how to survive in difficult circumstances -but let's remember that she is still a smart and capable woman, here I'm talking more about the facilities for adaptability

She falls in love and marries a miner from the Seam. The poorest and most oppressed area of D12. A totally new environment for her in which she does not know very well how to manage but she is fine because she has her husband to help her with the process. Her husband who has a high-risk job where it is possible he get injured a lot

Then they have two daughters. Whom she loves and they bring her joy, but in her world there are the hunger games. That monster on the prowl, threatening to take her daughters away from her; to kill them.

And Mrs. Everdeen knows better than anyone the suffering the games cause to the tributes and to their loved ones. Her best friend was chosen in the past, and in the midst of her grief she was forced to do interviews, without being allowed to grieve adequately for the hell that Maysilee lived through and then she perished in the arena

That nightmarish fate was more than a possibility for Katniss and Prim. What probably affected their bond, Mrs. Everdeen could not afford to love them too much without thinking about how quickly they would disappear when they reached the age of 12

There is a short time in her life where Mrs. Everdeen is happy, or as close to it as she can get. Her husband is with her. He comes home, her daughters are small and adorable. Her work as a healer flourishes, and it is a bitter reminder of their cruel reality but nothing impossible to cope with

Until a cave-in in the mines kills Mr. Everdeen. And everything falls apart

The man for she sacrificed everything to be with, her life partner, her support and joy is gone. Now only she is left, trapped in the Seam, and her poverty. Not only that, her daughters are also doomed, the girls -especially Katniss- have their own grief to face

Mrs. Everdeen will have to support them as they suffer unbearable pain, while her own will is shattered. And that is only the least of their worries. How will they live now?

Their budget was already limited for sure, but without the money Mr. Everdeen brought: What will happen to the food, to the clothes they will wear? She now has to support them financially on her own. Also her daughters could one day disappear at the games so Mrs. Everdeen is alone

She has no one who can offer her a helping hand, she gets depressed and her body betrays her. Mrs. Everdeen goes into a catatonic state. It's the only way she can cope with what she's going through

There is no treatment she can receive. There is nothing to be done. If Mrs. Everdeen couldn't take care of herself, how could she expect to take care of her daughters? How could she care Katniss? So she is neglectful of her because there is nothing to be done. No one will come to save her family and Mrs. Everdeen just can't do it

And as we know little Katniss has no choice but to be the one who tries. She doesn't want to die. Her little sister Prim can't die either and neither can her mother -even if she looks dead. So Katniss has to do it -and she does it after an act of kindness; she takes back and uses everything her father taught her, she can't ask for guidance from her mother, so she try to figure out the rest. Or as much as she can because she is still a child

Even if Katniss had no choice but to become the mother of Prim (and this is why I mentioned gender earlier, because while Katniss is inclined to follow typically male molds, she cannot escape the work that is expected of her as a woman)

Which reflects the somewhat strange and tragic cycle that surrounds motherhood and its relationship to powerlessness in the world of Panem, but before we delve deeper, let's conclude the case of Mrs. Everdeen

A woman whose grief forced her daughter to take her rightful place as the provider, and primary caretaker of her family after the death of her husband. Mrs. Everdeen was unable to care for Katniss. In fact she was cared by her, receiving her attentions, unwittingly taking away Katniss childhood and making her take care of her emotional needs and even her physical and mental health

Katniss navigate the world of Panem all by her own -before her games, where she ends up getting a strong support system and also we had other people in D12 giving her certain support later but that's another story

I'd like to end this with the theme of impotence /powerless as a characteristic feature of the motherhood that both characters experience

Mrs. Plinth and Mrs. Everdeen can't overcome their traumas, they have no way of doing so and it impacts their parenting. Both faced heavy and crushing circumstances that prevented them from living a better life. Their world is Panem. A world that slowly kills their children

And there is nothing either can do to change the reality in which they live in any meaningful way; The Capitol. The subjugation of the Districts. The Hunger Games. They are institutions that determine their fatal circumstances, and to be changed, or destroyed takes more than they can do

The truth is that they are just powerless mothers

And there is something so brilliant and tragic that in the end Mrs. Everdeen who has lived with all the disadvantages on her side; gives birth to a daughter capable of making that change in her time and Mrs. Plinth who has lived with all the advantages on her side: gives birth to a son incapable of making that change in his time

.

And BYE

#sejanus plinth #katniss everdeen #ma plinth #mrs everdeen #strabo plinth #the plinths #the everdeens #tbosas #thg series #thg #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #the hunger games #meta or something #ballad of toxic yaoi

[sweetmuffynsblog]

The 1 (Daemon Targaryen X Reader)

This Oneshoot very inspired from Taylor Swift's song "The 1" because i am just being dramatics about my feeling and act like i wasn't move on long time ago from my nonexistent boyfriend💀

"if my wishes came true, it would've been you."

Lady Y/N Targaryen, her name was, born as the daughter of Prince Vaegon Targaryen before he becomes the Archmaster and his late lady Wife, Lady Dellana Celtigar. Since she was a baby in a cradle, her grandmother places a dragon egg in her craddle which hatched and becomes a dragon, as big as Silverwing. Alike her father, the Targaryen born loved to read, she even personally asked her grandfather to build a private library on her part of the chamber, filled with many books in ancient language of old Valyria and from other known Worlds.

From a young age, she was a free spirit, with her dragons went anywhere and everywhere, only stop when Aerea Targaryen comes back with a nasty disease and King Jaehaerys instructed everyone who knows about this to be burnt by dragons and the royals to swear in the name of Old Gods of Valyria to shut their mouth.

Thus, the Targaryens were banned to ever closer to the Old Valyria again even though she wanted to explore then and unveiled the mystery surrounded the death of Aerea Targaryen.

But her days were never boring for she was friends with the second son of Baelon Targaryen and his sister-wife, Alyssa, her cousin, Daemon. There's no similiarity between her and Daemon other than they shared the same Targaryen features. Their personality could never be anymore different, he loved everything about parties and battles and being surrounding by maidens, from those highborn to the servants ladies and commoners too, after all, who can denied the charm of Daemon Targaryen? While she, prefers a quite place, in library to be exact, after all, what can a lone Princess, whose father choose another route of life, never being there and must to live by everyone's pity does? Her every steps are so much calculated, not too fast, not too slow and certainly not too louder in fear to annoyed any Royal family members.

Daemon is always perfect, in the Targaryen Lady's eyes, his strong board, chiseled jaw and those enchanting violet eyes, her swordmanship probably one of the best if not the best himself. Those memories of them playing together will always be the fondest of her no matter what. He was the constant in her life, always been there for her and she for him. All she ever wished is to marry Daemon.

Alas, the mere wish must've been crushed by her own grandfather, the Good King, they chanting his name, the concilliator, they commoners from across the seven kingdoms said, but what can a powerless girl does? She has no father nor a mother, her other aunts and uncles are either busy with their own children or simply don't care at all.

"what can your granddaughter do, beloved Grandfather?" she asks, curtsying to him infront of the good Queen Alicent and his council members, King Jahaerys looks at her granddaughter,

"you've grown, my dear."

The Princess smiles, without saying anything,

"i know that you know why you've been summoned, dearest."

The Princess nods her head, she is a Princess, one day she must married, she prays for the old Gods and new, that her grandfather pities her and let her marry Daemon. She loves him.

"you will marry Princess Martell's son and heir."

She can feels the air suffocating her, she doesn't like the particular view of the garden anymore, she feels like there's no colour in her life anymore. She wants to cry, scream or throwing tantrum, but who is she? Just a powerless Princess who finally has use, a mere cheespiece to ensure the safety of the Kingdom.

"what makes the darling sad?" a voice startled her, the young Princess looked up and saw her best friend, the love of her life, with a sword in his hand, looking at her, hus violet eyes piercing through her,

"nothing." she replied and giving him her best fake smile,

"you are lying." Daemon states, she's gasping when Daemon holds her hands in his, "tell me the real reason, princess?"

She gulps, "grandfather, the King, summoned me today and..."

"and?"

"and told me, that i... that i'm going to be the bride of Princess Martell's son and heir and to make a peace alliance..."

She couldn't read Daemon's expression at all, Daemon becomes quiet, "Dae?"

***

Many years later

Sunspear, Dorne

Dorne is beautiful, for saying out loud, and it's hot. A string of white hair currently sit bellow a tree, the handmaids fanning her but cannot stop the beads of sweat forming in her forehead, in her right, sitting a dark haired man who puts the fruit into her mouth,

"are you sure, you don't want to go and swim in the pool instead?" the man asking her, and puts a grape into the white haired woman's mouth,

"i don't want to go. Too hot and i'm too lazy." she says, take the fan and fanning herself, "why today is so hot?" she asks, the man chuckles and rubs her forehead, plant a kiss there, his other hand rubbing the bulged belly of the Targaryen woman, she is pregnant and wait anytime now to due.

"it will be soon over, my dear."

"Prince! My Prince!" a guard running towards them, "my Prince! My Princess!"

"what happened?" the Prince asks, the guard bows to them,

"another dragon, not the Princess' is in the sky, the rider says that he is Daemon Targaryen and wants to meet the Princess!"

"Daemon is here?" she murmurs then stand up abrubtly, her husband quickly be in her side and rubs her neck and back gently,

"calm down, dear." the Prince says, he gives the signal to the maids, the maids come with an umbrella like clothes to shield their Princess Consort from the scorching sun, and they begin to walk.

After walking, which is making her feet hurt, she finds her once love of her life standing there, with a dark sister in his hand, and his dragon, Caraxes flying near him,

"Dae?"

Daemon hears his name, he almost let out cry after see the woman's condition, the love of his life, his beloved, standing there and smiling at him, "welcome to the Sunspear." he comes closer and engulfs her into a hug,

"i miss you so much!"

The Princess Consort of Dorne chuckles lightly and rubs his back to comfort him, the heartbeat and once butterfly flying in her stomach is no more, there's been years after they parted their ways. She loves her husband now, and Daemon lives his best life, noticing that the two cousin want to talk to each other, the Prince dismissed the guards and handmaid, he comes to his wife and kissed her lips,

"both of you talk, i'll be going and tell the servant to bring you food to the garden." he says and caresses her bump, then walks away.

"life has been treating you good." Daemon commenting making her smile,

"it has. He is a good man, you know?"

"who?"

"the Prince, Dae. He treats me with respect and dignity the first years we marry, he wouldn't touch me if i didn't want it, he respects my space and never let anyone talks bad about me."

Daemon laughs, "you deserve it, dear dragon." then they walk together to the garden,

"what are you doing here then, Dae? Is something happened?"

Daemon shakes his head, "nothing happened, zaldrizes, Aemma has another miscarriage."

"Gods be good." she lets out a gasp, "then, how about Rhaenyra and Viserys?"

"mourning. As always."

After spending a full weeks in Dorne, Daemon finally mounts his dragon and fly back to the capital. If his wishes came true, Y/N Targaryen will be his.

#daemon targaryen #house of the dragon #rhaenyra icons #queen rhaenyra #rhaenyra targaryen #the house of the dragon #daemon x reader #daemon au #daemon prince #house targaryen

[just-a-carrot]

Good time, Carrot! And in advance - have a nice rest if you have the opportunity! ✨

Hehehe, I got curious when I introduced it! Imagine that after work, Orlam is just (supposing) waiting for a bus, and someone decided to talk to him, and even some kind of dialogue began between them. Perhaps Orlam would have reacted with incomprehension, so someone wanted to talked with HIM?

And then maybe they would talk a little more and more (if Orlam decided to give someone his contact for communication).

I'm not sure, I thought if Orlam had an acquaintance who likes to spend time with him, or help him in bit matters, support him, love his dark humor, and could discuss a lot of things... Maybe there was a gift that Orlam loves (or reminds him of).

Why does it seem to me that if this were to happen, Orlam would feel a little happy? That he needs someone? That someone really was interested in him, and someone wants to spend time with him?

My friends just tell me I'm a pretty nice person, and they can feel like themselves...

And I have a lot in common with Orlam, so I thought we could get along anyway, and help each other... Not to be lonely, needed, and feeling warm hugs and conversations ÚwÙ

Or because Orlam and I have common problems, or I'm just understanding and kind, although I am sometimes strange, and this can scare him and others, hehehe! >:D✨

P.s.

(He would feel like a master if he played the console with me, because I only held the console twice in my life. So, he could teach me how to play, hehehe.

Sorry that it was so long, I decided to describe the situation a little for the sake of completeness, heeeeh)

oh gosh this is very long djdjdjd it feels like you have put a lot of thought into this already

hmm... I always have a really hard time answering questions like this, as I feel somewhat weird trying to answer questions that involve someone I don't know LOL 💦

I do feel like surely there have been people that have talked to him/run into him/tried to be somewhat friendly to him in the past 🤔 (he is 30 after all dhdhdh he's had many years of going back and forth between work, meeting people in his apartment complex, etc.) but because of his general attitude, even those who have tried to be friends with him have mostly drifted away. I get the feeling that Orlam in his current, hm, "ways" perhaps unwittingly acts in such a way that turns people off because he lacks confidence and then he can blame himself that they leave and tell himself that's just the way things are. which is also why the only people he ever really stays in contact with is the friend group. because they're an unchanging constant. which is rather sad but.

so... I'm unsure tbh LOL it would take Orlam in his current pre-wonderland form quite a lot to break him out of the mold he's gotten himself into after years and years of retracting in on himself dhdhdhs

#ow: asks

[lovka-6]

Continued AU[!] Characters at Homestuck.

♠Philip Wittebane (Emperor Belos) – Fuchsia

♥Evelyn – Olive

♦Caleb Wittebane – Gold

♣Hunter - Gold

Caleb ♦ Philip. In this AU they are not brothers, but moirails. Philip is an aggressive sea troll, while Caleb is not. He looks out for him and balances out his temper.

Evelyn ♥ Caleb. Caleb has a girlfriend [matesprit], Evelyn. She has a violent and cheerful disposition, as evidenced by her broken horns. She is always looking for adventures and getting into trouble.

Philip ♠ Evelyn. Philip and Evelyn are constantly fighting for Caleb's attention. Their relationship is close to hatred [kismesis], only they are ready to really kill each other. Caleb prevents their constant quarrels and fights, not even realizing that he is the cause of them. Until a certain point...

Over time, they grow older. All adult trolls must go to unknown space to conquer new planets when they reach a certain age. Caleb, because of his blood color and psi powers, will literally become the engine for the spaceship, Evelyn the common soldier, and Philip the commander of the ship. Needless to say, Caleb and Evelyn don't want to fulfill their assigned roles? They run away. And Philip is fine with everything, except that he doesn't like that his moirail has decided to break off the relationship.

Without support, he was unbearably lonely, so he decided to find both and take Caleb (not without a fight). Now they're on a spaceship together. Caleb isn't exactly the helmsman, there are a lot of other psionics out there besides him, so he's mostly resting. He does more of a job as an advisor and moirail to keep Philip from getting pissed off and doing his duties faithfully.

not without a fight...

It's unknown how much time has passed, but probably a lot! Caleb has seen and lived through many of his descendants. It's very sad. Now he is watching another one grow up - Hunter. He is still small, but inquisitive. His psi abilities are weak, virtually useless. But Caleb has begged Philip to keep him on the ship.

#art #the owl house #homestuck #homestuck au #au #toh au #philip wittebane toh #emperor belos toh #caleb wittebane toh #evelin clawthorne toh #hunter toh

[rainbowvamp]

an unsent letter: 1889 - bargaining

~630 words. Hob being a sad guy. The swing of the pendulum in the other direction, away from anger and into bargaining. Poor Hob.

AO3

---

The kind of fountain pen common in 1889 would not have left an impression, the way a modern ballpoint pen wielded with too much force might, on the paper below it. But emotions are as tangible in the dreaming as any other physical force, and so, if one has the capacity to see it, the impression of the letter, written in anger, can still be see on the sheet of paper that sat below it. The sheet of paper the very next letter was written on, just a few days later.

——

I’m sorry. God, what a fool I am. I know this. I have known this. It doesn’t surprise me or anyone who knows me that I’ve been a fool. There are other ways to say things. Other ways to phrase truths that are indelicate on their surface. I accused you of being lonely. And I still believe you are, but would anyone else have reacted better, at being called as such, especially if it was something they denied to themselves?

I wish for little and ask for less, but please don’t stay away. Please don’t let my foolishness have ended us. We are friends, I stand by that sentiment, but I’ll concede that you don’t need me. You probably don’t need anybody, but I need you. You are the thing that sustains me. The only constant in my ever changing world besides change. I love change. I love these people and this world and everything fantastic within it, but the prospect of never dying gets a little grayer when I think you may not be a part of me being alive ever again.

If you want me to grovel, or to beg your forgiveness, then I will. I’ll do it. Whatever you want. I’ll lie through my teeth and say we aren’t friends and this is just us passing time in our immortal lives, but please, don’t make me. I would do anything to continue seeing you, even if it hurt me to do it. 

I’ve counted on never losing you since 1689. Since Eleanor and Robyn and Skylar. Since destitution and never ending hunger, and night spent freezing with nothing more than the clothes on my back to keep me warm.

I thought, fool that I am, that it would be safe to love you because you would never go anywhere. Don’t make a liar of me. Don’t prove me wrong. Be here again in 100 years. Please. Please. 

I’ll never mention this again. I’ll smile and tell you stories and never say a word like friendship ever again. But please don’t leave me alone here. I don’t think I could stand being alone in this world. 

My life is full of people I love, but I’d give them all up today if I could but guarantee I’d get to see you again. As terrible as it may sound, people come and go. It’s a necessity when you live forever. I counted on you to stay. I needed you to stay. I need you to stay. 

I will say and do whatever pleases you. I will curse myself and my name. I’ll take back all the things I said. I’ll apologize and apologize again for the rest of my long enduring life. But please don’t leave. Not like this. 

You can ask me not to say it, and I won’t I’ll only think it. I’ll think about loving you but never show it. I’ll miss you and never let it on. I’ll put on a jovial face and be a good lad and entertain you once every hundred years, but please just come back. Please be here. 

I will do whatever you ask. I will do whatever you want. Just please don't stay away. Please.

#dreamling #lore's dreamling letters

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

There is no feeling quite like coming to a sudden realization about yourself while driving home at sunset and realizing that the reason you have dreams about comforting the characters you love isn't because you want to find someone like them to be close to in real life, and it's not because you wish someone would comfort you, it's because you project onto them and by comforting them you are desperately trying to love yourself

#like i literally gasped when i figured this out #and it had such little lead-up it just popped into my head #they are reflections of me--the most vulnerable parts of me--the parts i want to recognize and love the most #and i've had several dreams like this #when i was younger it was with the doctor/s from doctor who #and most recently it's been spock #and the constant commonality is that they are all very sad and lonely but don't speak of it often #but they're close to me and talk to me or at least allow me to be there with them and try in my own way to help and to know them #and all along it's been me. trying to make friends with me #trying to tell myself that it's ok not to speak of it much and to be myself in my sad lonely way #trying to forgive myself. trying to love. #and i just think that's wonderful #kay has a party in the tags #kay can i just catch my breath for a second

[mytwistedhome]

Diasomnia members when they find out you have Anorexia

Trigger warning to anyone who suffers with an eating disorder!!

It’s one of those nights again... Writing these headcanons to give myself some solace. 

I hope this can maybe bring comfort to someone else, or at least provide some bit of entertainment. My intention is not to cause harm or trigger anyone. That is the last thing I want.

This time, these headcanons are for Diasomnia members. I’ve already posted ones for Pomefiore and Ignihyde (of which you can see on my blog, if you desire), and the other dorms will likely be posted the next time I need some self cheer-up.

I swear I’ll have some proper writings up tomorrow, and even more by the end of the week. And, I intend to keep my promises this time. Sorry, I’m really not much of an angel if I’m being honest. I sincerely apologize to the friends and the requesters of whom I’ve neglected. You don’t deserve to wait and wait just to see me break a promise and go back on my word. That’s entirely my fault, and with my whole heart, I am sorry.

💚

Malleus Draconia

So this is how humans hate themselves? How horrifically graceful...

Not gonna lie, he romanticizes the idea quite a bit at first

He watches with a morbid curiosity as you quickly grow thinner and thinner day after day, and how you stumble around weakly in a constant dizzy state

He finds it fascinating how a weak human can withstand such torture brought onto them by themselves

It really is odd, isn’t it?

You, a human, already bound to die after several years of life, are hurting yourself even further

You are so delicate... He's really enthralled. It's so strange how you hurt yourself in a sickly yet gracious way, and he cannot help but watch from afar

But, he knows that he cannot simply watch you forever as you kill yourself

He sees how much you are hurting and suffering, and he grows incredibly sad for you

You don't deserve to go through such pain. What ever made you decide to do this?

He can't possibly imagine what it must be like, and he becomes mournful over you

And he's now determined to bring you help, some way, somehow...

He tries to confront you about it. On those nights when the two if you run into each other outside the Ramshackle dorm, he'll make vague, elusive references to your starving yourself

The way he goes about it is oddly beautiful. He says things like "it's been several days since we've talked like this. You've grown thinner from before," and "it's often lonely and empty, the day's without you, much like how your stomach goes empty," or "you always seemed mesmerized by my abilities, particularly when I vanish from your eyes, but isn't it the same when you float through life in a dazed state of mind? From that dizziness brought on by hunger?"

And you're left with your mouth wide open, absolutely stunned. He knows. Somehow, he knows

But you still play dumb, wondering what in earth he means, knowing all too well what it is he means...

Malleus sighs sadly. The look on his face is incredibly hopeless and pitiful (and for a moment, you feel guilty for having brought him to such an emotion) before he crossed his arms and his look turns dour. He's done dancing around this topic

He's very straightforward now, telling you sternly that you need to stop this. Stop hurting yourself, stop killing yourself

He tries not to let his own feelings show, but his jaw softens and his lower lip trembles every now and then

You become overwhelmed with sadness, guilt, and self-hatred. Those are the exact emotions that Malleus was trying not to stir, but you just can't help it as he scolds you so seriously. Just how long had he known? How long had he been watching and worrying over you?

When he's done speaking, you let out a wretched gasp as you clutch your chest, your heart palpitating from the overflow of emotions, and the hunger, and the sudden movement

Malleus reaches out to you, his hands clutching your arms and steadying you on your feet as your knees buckle

He stares at you wide-eyed in shock, unable to say another word. He knows that you are weak and your health is poor, but what caused you to react in such a way just now?

Your stomach feels as if it's caving inwards, and a coldness spreads throughtout your body

Tears begin to well up in your eyes. You know that Malleus is worried for you, and you didn't mean to make him worry, but you really just wish he didn't know... That this could still just be your secret and you would get help on your own when you're ready

Oh, god... this didn't help. Somehow, this whole confrontation triggered you. Now you just want to starve yourself even more, continuing this way forever

But Malleus won't let that happen, even if it hurts you (as in, emotionally) to stop. Continuing this way would break his heart

Lilia Vanrouge

Lilia’s been around. He knows how serious eating disorders can get. I’m sure he’s seen other who have suffered or even died from it.

Actually, he was the one who suspected that you had anorexia

He noticed how you would pick apart your food before eating, how you chew so slowly, and how you are always eager to leave the meal table

Not to mention how you almost cower away in fear when certain foods are offered to you

Also not to mention how you gaze longingly at other people's plates

To him, it's obvious because he can pick up on all the subtle signs.

Confronting you is a bit tricky... He really doesn't know how to approach you about it in a way that will make you open up

When he's around you, he'll begin to ask you questions in concern

He'll often ask you if you're okay, if you're feeling alright, etc. You always lie

He knows you're lying, but he won't mention it. He'll just continue to ask if you're doing okay with sincerity every time he's around you

Eventually, you begin to realize that he is someone who might very genuinely care about you, and you are very touched by his concern. No one has ever been so worried about you before

One day, when the two of you are alone, you say something like "I'm actually not okay..."

And then you vent to him for a very long time

You even start to cry

He keeps silent through your venting, but he listens intently to every word you have to say

When you're done, he gives you a sad smile and tries his best to console you

He lets you know that you can reach out to him anytime you need

Overtime, he convinces you to seek help and receive actual treatment and recovery

Probably the most successful of all the guys in putting you on the road to recovery!

Silver

He is very taken aback

Truly, he doesn't know what to say or what to do

He immediately feels so, so bad for you... His heart mourns for all the suffering you must have been going through

He tries to be sympathetic... He really does

But at the same time, he's a bit worried about getting involved. How are you going to react to his knowing? Will you really take kindly to his concern? Or, will you push him away, as is so common a symptom of this disease?

He subtly watches you as you eat your meals. He's quite good at watching without making it seem so, and he uses this skill to keep an eye on you in concern

He sees how you cut your food into tiny pieces, how you push it around in your dish, hardly ever bringing the fork to your lips...

And his heart breaks. How pitiful it is to see you like this

He wishes he could just reach his arms out and somehow save you, help you... But that wouldn't work, would it? This is a very real problem; he can't just save you in a fanciful way, no matter how badly he wishes

He gathers the courage to approach you about it, just to let you know that he's aware of your struggle and that he's willing to listen if ever you need to talk to someone

He sits down beside you after classes one day as you're doing a bit of studying/reading. You what's you to feel as comfortable as possible, not like he's pushing you to open up if you aren't ready

You smile when you see him come close, happy to have his company

Well, this seems like it's off to a good start!

The two of you exchange a few words of warm conversation, but then a silence falls, and you see Silver's face darken, turning into a sad expression

And, after a bit of hesitation, he tells you that he knows... He knows how you starve yourself, and how you suffer, but assures you that all he wants is to help and be there for you

You are quite stunned, only staring at him blankly, unsure of what to say

It certainly cought you off guard, having him say it just like that...

After a moment, you thank him for his offer and for his concern, and you really do appreciate it

But... You are still very alarmed

You excuse yourself and head back to your firm, trying to take this all in

How long had he known...? You knew he was trustworthy and kind, but you weren't sure if you weren't sure if you wanted to let him in to such a private and major part of your life

From then on, you begin avoiding him, not wanting to let him in. It hurts him to see you hide away from him, but he expected this to happen

But then, one day, you are having it particularly rough, and you feel so miserable... You call Silver, just to hear his voice. Just to have some company. Just to feel like you aren't alone.

And he does everything he can to comfort you, listening intently to all you have to say

He doesn't push you to eat, or urge you to get help, he is just... there. And that is all you could ever ask for

He continues to be the friend of whom you seek out for comfort, and Silver is happy to be there for you whenever you need

Sebek Zigvolt

He finds out after he catches you in his arms upon your fainting

He's used to Silver falling asleep at random, but the way that you wobbled across the room, shuffling your feet and swaying as you tried to walk in a straight line, then spinning as your eyes rolled back, trying to find your balance as you babbled out incoherent sounds before sinking to the ground...

He's certainly not used to that. It terrified him to see you in such a state, and that fear turned into overwhelming worry for your well-being

He had rushed to your side before your head clashed with the hard ground. He wrapped his arms tightly around your shoulders as your head tilted back onto his chest

He gazes at you with absolute panic, his mouth agape and eyes wide with fear

He tries to shake you awake, but your head just bobs and your arms fall limply at your side, your legs having already given out entirely

In panic, he shouts for help while also loudly urging you to get up, wake up, and stand on your own two feet

Luckily, his voice was heard by a couple others (probably just Lilia or another elder student) who come rushing into the room

They see you passed out with your sickly pale and gaunt face, and they advise Sebek to immediately take you to the school's infirmary, to which he promptly obeys and carries you there

He leaves you in the care of the nurses, and the whole time that the two of you are parted, his mind is reeling with worry

He can't bring himself to relax at all. He's all strained and stressed over you! He's unimaginably worried. He really wants you to be alright...

When you finally return to your consciousness, Sebek is one of the first to know, and he immediately rushes to wherever you are, regardless if you're still feeling dreary

He, very loudly, bombards you with questions as he tries to make sure that you are alright

He's still in a bit of a panic... Are you sure that you're okay?

You assure him that you're feeling fine now as you chew and swallow your 180 calorie granola bar

Sebek is relieved, but now he's demanding answers. How did you pass out in such a scary way? What happened then? What's going on with you?

Your head starts to spin once again at his pressing questions. You can't just tell him that you don't eat

Like with Epel, you try to make excuses. First, you try telling him that you were just overheated

Sebek doesn't buy that; he explains to you that you felt cold to the touch and had goosebumps all over your body when he caught you in his arms

You then try to say that you are anemic

That could be true, but now Sebek knows you are lying, and he presses you even further

Tears start to well up in your eyes. You don't want to come forward with this secret!

But he keeps pushing you with his loud voice... You can tell that he cares, and you feel bad for making him worry so much

Maybe you can trust him...

On the condition of him keeping his voice down, you tell him. You tell him that you fainted because you purposefully don't eat enough

He doesn't take it too well... He actually grows angry

How could you do such a thing to yourself???

You beg him to please, please calm down. You try to explain to him that this is something you can't really help...

After you briefly try to explain, his brows furrow together, as if in a glare, but his eyes are so full of sorrow

His chest tightens in pain and pity... Pity and sorrow for you. That's what he feels. And helpless, as well, to your suffering

He pushes you to get help, urging you every single day

He wants to help more. He wants you to just be okay. Why can't you just wake up and not have this problem anymore? Why do you have to be this way?

But he feels like there's nothing else he can do...

#twisted wonderland #tw anorexia #tw eating disorder #anorexia tw #anorexia mention #twisted wonderland headcanons #twst headcanons #my headcanons #headcanons #diasomnia #malleus draconia #twst lilia #lilia vanrouge #twst silver #sebek zigvolt #twst sebek #tw eating mention #tw eating stuff #tw eating things

[jisssooyah]

Hi you... if you were going to curate a little season of films for me, which ones would you choose and why? They don't need to be horror, I'm just curious what you would choose 🌸

I don’t know if you’ll like these movies, or if you’ve already watched them, but after i watched these films, i felt like they might need to belong to you now. i hope they make you smile, roll your eyes, and cry just as much as i did.

1. city of god (2002): this is one of the most immersive and gorgeously shot films i’ve ever seen. it’s set in rio de janeiro during the 60s and spans decades exploring the drug culture in the slums and how this can affect kids just as they are trying to figure their own selves out. the way this film is shot, feels like you were at the sea with them as the sand crunched underneath your feet. but the way that the director captures these individuals, makes you so fucking relieved that you don’t live through any of the circumstances that they go through. 

2. the dreamers (2004): set in 1968, this film follows three students in Paris who come of age and explore one another and their limits during the revolution. while these students prop themselves up as individuals obsessed with sex, running underneath themselves is a current of jealousy, obsession, and blurred familial relationships that made me increasingly uncomfortable. you find yourself feeling bad for the children, and ultimately upset at their upbringing because of their parents. 

3. if beale street could talk (2018): this movie is based off of james baldwin’s titular 1974 novel. in it, the director expertly and vigorously explores love: a love that feels so real that it hurts. the cast is what sold this film to me. the way they talk, laugh, cry, and smile at one another is achingly beautiful and terrifyingly sad. i wanted to transport myself back to their time period and watch the main characters fall in love because the film didn’t seem like enough. 

4. the neon demon (2016): this film follows an emerging model who sacrifices herself to the demands of the industry in order to be attractive and beautiful. there are so many stunning colors in this film that it makes you dizzy, like you’re in a trance and that’s what this world is for the main character: a trance. as she oscillates between reality and fantasy, her world and the characters in it, increasingly seek out to alter her personality. 

5. death becomes her (1992): a deliberately ultra-campy parody of trashy, pandering "women's pictures," soap operas and paperbacks from the '80s and '90s. The three leads all do some of their best work - it's hilarious watching Meryl Streep play a terrible actress, Goldie Hawn is particularly hilarious during her character's cat lady phase, and all around just a really fun and eccentric film. 

6. princess cyd (2017): i can’t think of anything to write for this but i just wanna say that this is literally one of the most pleasant movie experiences i’ve ever had. so much light and genuine interaction in warm sun rays radiating positive energy and an openness that is far too uncommon in movies nowadays. people talk, people connect, people grow bonds and are allowed to be sexual or intimate or personal without an air of shame or judgement. just pure kind and curious human association. 

7. spiderman: into the spiderverse (2018): the message of Spider-Verse is not "gentrify yourself! stop expressing your personality and just conform to what society wants you to be!" After all, what makes you different makes you Spider-Man, and Miles' final expression of himself as a superhero still retains much of his personality and individuality...they're just being used in more productive and fulfilling ways. It's the little things that drive the point home, like noticing that the title page for Miles' finished Great Expectations essay has been stylistically doodled and colored like street art. Rather than seeing his artistic gifts as an opposition to his schoolwork, Miles infuses them together to make the best of the hand he's been dealt.

8. my life as a zucchini (2016): initially heartbreaking and sad, but slowly becoming more joyful and heartwarming as the plot moves along. The film really feels like it captures the essence and child like wonder of these kids, all of them going through hardships but managing to find something to help each other out. It’s so refreshing to see the actual orphanage portrayed in a more positive light, not the usual horrid dump that a lot of lesser movies play them out as. The animation is stunning. One of the best uses of stop motion I’ve seen, everything is so colourful and detailed. There’s some moments set in snowy mountains and these look incredible. There’s clearly been so much love and care put into each and every scene here. The music too, sounds spectacular, it really works well with each scene. 

9. lovesong (2016): Mindy and Sarah have that type of relationship where they don't need words because they speak in a language made out of glances and touches. This movie is about the fear of ruining a meaningful friendship and losing an important person, about love that is so complicated that one might not even try because the outcome seems to be so obvious.

10. her (2013): Heartbreak is formative: it changes you heart side out, and leaves your muscles a little stronger, your skin a little thicker, your bones easier to repair. Before this film, I’d never seen anything constructive in having your insides pulled apart by the seams by another person, but this film taught me how. Being in love and then being forced out of it is an experience that changes you fundamentally, but Her taught me its purpose – you don’t need them to leave you so that you can find someone who’s a better fit, because perhaps you never will. You need it to participate in humanity. The common denominator is being hurt, and without it, you’re barely alive.

11. shoplifters (2018): bittersweet and richly transportive, Shoplifters is a film that nonchalantly eases you into its tragic beauty in a way that doesn't punch you hard until the end. It simultaneously made me want to be part of the film's world and also very glad that I'm not. The setting the characters live in is messy and cluttered and full of dysfunction and lies, but it's also got family, and laughter, and fist-bumps, and slurping warm noodles while rain pings on the tin rooftop. So nuanced, so many tiny moments of delicate beauty and unassuming heartbreak, so many people making terrible decisions with good intentions.

12. god’s own country (2017): though it is a love story between two men, this aspect is only addressed briefly in a single scene. Rather, the film is about finding someone who makes you want to be a better person, someone who comes into your life just when you needed it most. Gheorghe helps Johnny open up and realize the beauty of the simple life. From this relationship, Johnny begins to feel comfortable with expressing himself, and his love and gratitude towards others. He also begins to appreciate life in the country, surrounded by stunning landscapes and the beauty of simplicity. Addressing the Yorkshire countryside, Gheorghe says "It is beautiful, but lonely." Johnny is presented with the notion that he doesn't have to be cold and miserable, slaving and drinking his days away. He is presented with the possibility of no longer being alone and finally finding happiness and contentment - and it is more than gratifying to see him accept it.

13. disobedience (2017): a tender star-crossed daydream. the three main character dynamics are special enough on their own, but the romance that blooms at the center is cathartically intimate and even magical: a reunion that feels so inevitable. catching glimpses of a past life, details we aren’t privy to. all the stolen kisses and whispers and promises. a bond so strong that they fall back in sync with each other like second nature, even if they try to fight against it. even if it won’t work. and yet they choose each other, even if for a few minutes.

14. raw (2016): this film is so gross and I like that. There is tons of blood and unique body horror and it all works perfectly for the tone the film is attempting to set. The use of color, specifically neons, creates a constant feeling that you are traveling through some sort of weird ghost world, which I really like. Overall, it's a very well put together film with flashes of brilliance.

15. the night is short, walk on girl (2017): what an absolutely magical adventure of a film. Essentially this is a heavily episodic look at a night in the lives of several people, centered on a woman and a man as she gleefully floats from event to event while he neurotically obsesses over how to "coincidentally" talk to her. The storytelling is incredible; while the overarching narrative is simple there are countless threads woven together to connect everyone in the story to each other. That in itself is a big theme: connections between people, how everything is interrelated, and what a large impact seemingly insignificant things people do can have an impact on everyone around them.

16. coraline (2009): Coraline is the best stop motion movie ever made in my opinion. Before the film released in 2009, I read the book and was completely blown away by its creativity and story. It’s a pretty dark tale featuring many scenes of fright that work well in both a horror setting and an animated kids setting. On surface value, this film is quite horrifying, which is something I’ve always loved about it. While it does make a few minor changes to the book, it improves upon a piece of art that was already jaw-droppingly good. Coraline feels like a real little girl with some real problems. She’s selfish but likable which is something most films cannot translate well. Of course, she has a pretty awesome arc as well which brings this movie to a perfect close for her character. The other-mother is also perfectly done. She is almost exactly how I imagined her in the book and the animation on her is spookily gorgeous. There is not one dull moment in this film. It is literally a perfect piece of cinema.

17. the third wife (2019): haven’t seen a film this visually delicate in a while. Ash Mayfair works with the looming mountain surroundings to make her characters —these women, these girls— as small as possible, as isolated as possible. Uneasiest of all is the protagonist May, so young and so weighed by responsibility, her position blurs between being one of the wives and being one of the daughters. It’s an extremely bleak tale of circumstance. An old tale, certainly, but so beautifully crafted it doesn’t matter. Mayfair holds a fearful tension throughout, and it only ever shatters in the cruelest of ways.The abundance of women and display of sisterhood begin as a comfort, but horror takes over as we realize how conditional and fragile that comfort is. Even the daughters are subconsciously aware, one of them praying to the gods to grow up and become a man, shearing her hair off in naive triumph. It’s a doomed cycle of girls performing roles which are unfortunately their best option, right up until the final scene of May with her daughter, still in their mourning clothes. She, like the older wives, finally realizes they’re the same as the cattle laying on their side for too many days.

#asks #shortcake-kaspbrak

[yasuda-yoshiya]

They don't seem to get much coverage, discussion and popularity in Fata Morgana AFAIK, but what do you think of Nellie, Pauline and Maria on their own, or even their relationships with the other characters? I personally liked the lonely nuance behind Nellie's 'rambunctious' behavior and Maria's bluntness while still having the capacity to care those around her, but also capable of being vindictive, and it kind of saddened me when someone dismissed Nellie as 'whiny' and Maria as 'evil bitch'.

Hm, this got a little long, sorry! At some point I just totally lost the ability to write quick responses to these things apparently.

Oh, I really like Nellie! She’s definitely my favourite Fata character outside of the main four, no contest. It actually makes me really sad that that one scene at the end of door 1 (you know the one) is so horribly cheap and tacky and impossible to take seriously, because the basic core of the emotions behind her arc and her characterisation in general honestly always felt heartbreakingly real and relatable to me. Underneath the very tropey surface layer, I think she’s a surprisingly good portrayal of a really lonely and miserable person desperately clinging on to the only person who actually seemed to care about her, even as it becomes increasingly obvious that he doesn’t actually care that much any more, because her memories of him are the only source of happiness she has. It honestly really hurts for me to read a lot of the scenes in door 1 where she’s just incessantly badgering Mell to give her any kind of compliment or recognition or validation, because it feels like something I can uncomfortably relate to and recognise in myself, especially when I was younger. I appreciate that the game really allows her to be actively bratty and spiteful and self-absorbed in a genuinely ugly ways - she doesn’t hesitate to use gross classist insults against the WHG, and her constant demanding clinginess absolutely comes across as something that would be difficult for anyone to deal with - but is still ultimately very sympathetic to her as a person and to the ways she’s been wronged on the whole, especially in door 8.

I feel like her characterisation acknowledges something important in the sense that, yes, she can be a brat, but that kind of self-centered bratty behaviour can often partly be a reaction to genuinely bad circumstances and have legitimate grievances behind it (being forced into marriage at that age would be absolutely horrific), and that there can be sympathetic reasons for people being that way - especially people like Nellie who is literally still just a child. It feels important to me to be able to say that Nellie genuinely can be a brat but is just as genuinely a victim who absolutely did not deserve to be in the awful and lonely situation that she is, and absolutely deserving of sympathy and help all the same; she’s definitely a very self-absorbed person who doesn’t really give much real thought or consideration to the people around her, but I also feel like she kind of has a right to be that way since none of the people around her ever paid any real attention to her either. She’s honestly a character I feel really defensive of in that sense.

And yeah, it seriously makes me legit angry when people dismiss her as just being whiny or overly dramatic about her problems, because it feels a lot like the same thing Mell did - off-handedly dismissing her as just a petulant child because of the WAY she expresses herself, rather than actually paying attention to WHAT she’s expressing and why (because the pain of her situation is honestly something he’d be perfectly capable of understanding and relating to if he actually tried putting himself in her shoes for five seconds, but he doesn’t). I do think it’s genuinely important for children not to be dismissed for expressing themselves in childish ways, even legitimately problematic ones (which Nellie’s absolutely can be, for sure). So I think the way the game sets up Nellie’s arc in terms of putting most of the emphasis on her surface “spoiled brat who’s just way too clingy with her brother” persona in door 1, and then totally peeling that back in door 8 to emphasise that she’s ultimately just a very lonely kid who just needs affection and understanding, really worked for me. I think both versions of her character really complement and enrich each other in that way. (And her friendship with Michel is just totally darling, awwwwww!! Their interactions made me really really happy for both of them. I really think those two actually have a lot in common with each other when you look beneath the surface.)

I like Maria a lot too! Like you said, I think they did a good job of portraying her being super blunt and pragmatic while also absolutely caring a lot and being fiercely protective of the people she sees as her “family”. She really does strike me as a very cool and admirable person! I think I had trouble really connecting with her initial portrayal in door 3, personally - her actively delighting in her cruelty even to an innocent victim like the WHG sort of pushed her a bit too much into over-the-top villain territory for me - but I thought she was absolutely fantastic in door 8 and Requiem. (I’m sort of interested in going back to door 3 with that added context, though, because I feel like there’s probably some more nuance to that which I’d be able to better pick up on with a fuller perspective of the character; I can certainly see a sort of dislike and resentment for the WHG’s optimism and naivete actually making some sense in retrospect, and Maria sliding totally into anger and bitterness as a result of her family being killed does feel like something I could see as a legit darker take on the character.)

I generally appreciate the portrayal of her blunt, cynical attitude actually translating into being aware and attentive to people’s human flaws and weaknesses in important ways; her being the only one to really see Michel as a regular person rather than a saint in door 8 and trying to persuade him to stop pushing himself so hard was really nice, and it made me sad to see that she was the only one to immediately predict that Jacopo becoming the lord would totally ruin him too. It’s a kind of skepticism and realism about how much her friends are really capable of that honestly makes her a much better friend than all the people just taking for granted that Jacopo and Michel are amazing heroes that can totally do anything, in a lot of ways. It generally makes me really happy that Nellie and Maria were pretty much Michel’s strongest allies and friends in door 8, in contrast to how they both had such explicitly “antagonistic” roles in their original stories; I think they definitely both deserved it! I’m really glad that they’re pretty much the only two people in door 8 that Michel doesn’t hate, hahaha. Excellent judgment, Michel.

Pauline is, uh…I have a hard time caring about her, let’s put it that way! I kind of forget she exists a lot of the time. Her arc in door 8 about her suppressed desire for a “normal life” and trying to overcompensate through charity was decent enough, but I didn’t really feel like it really connected much to her portrayal in door 2 in any meaningful way (maybe I missed something?). And her main character traits of being overly trusting and blindly believing in people, while perfectly well portrayed and addressed in the text, didn’t really feel like they had enough individual nuances or exploration for me to really get invested in her on a personal level. I think, for a character trait as common and familiar as that, I’d really need some more in-depth exploration on how she rationalises that sort of blind faith to herself and where it comes from and what she gets out of it for me to really invest in it, but I didn’t feel like much of that was there. Her relationship with Yukimasa doesn’t really do anything for me, either; it feels very shallow and superficial to me, and that’s sort of okay when the game actually emphasises that and focuses on Pauline’s reasons for wanting to latch on to a relationship like that despite its superficiality (which it does a little in door 8), but when it’s played straight as something we’re supposed to actually feel invested in (like in door 2) I just sort of fall asleep. She’s just not a very interesting character to me, sorry!

#the house in fata morgana #this is a fata blog now apparently #to anon: i do have your other messages and intend to get around to them whenever i can #you are not bothering me at all so please don't worry!!