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nothorses · 3 years

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Interview With An Ex-Radfem

exradfem is an anonymous Tumblr user who identifies as transmasculine, and previously spent time in radical feminist communities. They have offered their insight into those communities using their own experiences and memories as a firsthand resource.

Background

I was raised in an incredibly fundamentalist religion, and so was predisposed to falling for cult rhetoric. Naturally, I was kicked out for being a lesbian. I was taken in by the queer community, particularly the trans community, and I got back on my feet- somehow. I had a large group of queer friends, and loved it. I fully went in on being the Best Trans Ally Possible, and constantly tried to be a part of activism and discourse.

Unfortunately, I was undersocialized, undereducated, and overenthusiastic. I didn't fully understand queer or gender theory. In my world, when my parents told me my sexuality was a choice and I wasn't born that way, they were absolutely being homophobic. I understood that no one should care if it's a choice or not, but it was still incredibly, vitally important to me that I was born that way.

On top of that, I already had an intense distrust of men bred by a lot of trauma. That distrust bred a lot of gender essentialism that I couldn't pull out of the gender binary. I felt like it was fundamentally true that men were the problem, and that women were inherently more trustworthy. And I really didn't know where nonbinary people fit in.

Then I got sucked down the ace exclusionist pipeline; the way the arguments were framed made sense to my really surface-level, liberal view of politics. This had me primed to exclude people –– to feel like only those that had been oppressed exactly like me were my community.

Then I realized I was attracted to my nonbinary friend. I immediately felt super guilty that I was seeing them as a woman. I started doing some googling (helped along by ace exclusionists on Tumblr) and found the lesfem community, which is basically radfem “lite”: lesbians who are "only same sex attracted". This made sense to me, and it made me feel so much less guilty for being attracted to my friend; it was packaged as "this is just our inherent, biological desire that is completely uncontrollable". It didn't challenge my status quo, it made me feel less guilty about being a lesbian, and it allowed me to have a "biological" reason for rejecting men.

I don't know how much dysphoria was playing into this, and it's something I will probably never know; all of this is just piecing together jumbled memories and trying to connect dots. I know at the time I couldn't connect to this trans narrative of "feeling like a woman". I couldn't understand what trans women were feeling. This briefly made me question whether I was nonbinary, but radfem ideas had already started seeping into my head and I'm sure I was using them to repress that dysphoria. That's all I can remember.

The lesfem community seeded gender critical ideas and larger radfem princples, including gender socialization, gender as completely meaningless, oppression as based on sex, and lesbian separatism. It made so much innate sense to me, and I didn't realize that was because I was conditioned by the far right from the moment of my birth. Of course women were just a biological class obligated to raise children: that is how I always saw myself, and I always wanted to escape it.

I tried to stay in the realms of TIRF (Trans-Inclusive Radical Feminist) and "gender critical" spaces, because I couldn't take the vitriol on so many TERF blogs. It took so long for me to get to the point where I began seeing open and unveiled transphobia, and I had already read so much and bought into so much of it that I thought that I could just ignore those parts.

In that sense, it was absolutely a pipeline for me. I thought I could find a "middle ground", where I could "center women" without being transphobic.

Slowly, I realized that the transphobia was just more and more disgustingly pervasive. Some of the trans men and butch women I looked up to left the groups, and it was mostly just a bunch of nasty people left. So I left.

After two years offline, I started to recognize I was never going to be a healthy person without dealing with my dysphoria, and I made my way back onto Tumblr over the pandemic. I have realized I'm trans, and so much of this makes so much more sense now. I now see how I was basically using gender essentialism to repress my identity and keep myself in the closet, how it was genuinely weaponized by TERFs to keep me there, and how the ace exclusionist movement primed me into accepting lesbian separatism- and, finally, radical feminism.

The Interview

You mentioned the lesfem community, gender criticals, and TIRFs, which I haven't heard about before- would you mind elaborating on what those are, and what kinds of beliefs they hold?

I think the lesfem community is recruitment for lesbians into the TERF community. Everything is very sanitized and "reasonable", and there's an effort not to say anything bad about trans women. The main focus was that lesbian = homosexual female, and you can't be attracted to gender, because you can't know someone's gender before knowing them; only their sex.

It seemed logical at the time, thinking about sex as something impermeable and gender as internal identity. The most talk about trans women I saw initially was just in reference to the cotton ceiling, how sexual orientation is a permanent and unchangeable reality. Otherwise, the focus was homophobia. This appealed to me, as I was really clinging to the "born this way" narrative.

This ended up being a gateway to two split camps - TIRFs and gender crits.

I definitely liked to read TIRF stuff, mostly because I didn't like the idea of radical feminism having to be transphobic. But TIRFs think that misogyny is all down to hatred of femininity, and they use that as a basis to be able to say trans women are "just as" oppressed.

Gender criticals really fought out against this, and pushed the idea that gender is fake, and misogyny is just sex-based oppression based on reproductive issues. They believe that the source of misogyny is the "male need to control the source of reproduction"- which is what finally made me think I had found the "source" of my confusion. That's why I ended up in gender critical circles instead of TIRF circles.

I'm glad, honestly, because the mask-off transphobia is what made me finally see the light. I wouldn't have seen that in TIRF communities.

I believed this in-between idea, that misogyny was "sex-based oppression" and that transphobia was also real and horrible, but only based on transition, and therefore a completely different thing. I felt that this was the "nuanced" position to take.

The lesfem community also used the fact that a lot of lesbians have partners who transition, still stay with their lesbian partners, and see themselves as lesbian- and that a lot of trans men still see themselves as lesbians. That idea is very taboo and talked down in liberal queer spaces, and I had some vague feelings about it that made me angry, too. I really appreciated the frank talk of what I felt were my own taboo experiences.

I think gender critical ideology also really exploited my own dysphoria. There was a lot of talk about how "almost all butches have dysphoria and just don't talk about it", and that made me feel so much less alone and was, genuinely, a big relief to me that I "didn't have to be trans".

Lesfeminism is essentially lesbian separatism dressed up as sex education. Lesfems believe that genitals exist in two separate categories, and that not being attracted to penises is what defines lesbians. This is used to tell cis lesbians, "dont feel bad as a lesbian if you're attracted to trans men", and that they shouldn’t feel "guilty" for not being attracted to trans women. They believe that lesbianism is not defined as being attracted to women, it is defined as not being attracted to men; which is a root idea in lesbian separatism as well.

Lesfems also believe that attraction to anything other than explicit genitals is a fetish: if you're attracted to flat chests, facial hair, low voices, etc., but don't care if that person has a penis or not, you're bisexual with a fetish for masculine attributes. Essentially, they believe the “-sexual” suffix refers to the “sex” that you are assigned at birth, rather than your attraction: “homosexual” refers to two people of the same sex, etc. This was part of their pushback to the ace community, too.

I think they exploited the issues of trans men and actively ignored trans women intentionally, as a way of avoiding the “TERF” label. Pronouns were respected, and they espoused a constant stream of "trans women are women, trans men are men (but biology still exists and dictates sexual orientation)" to maintain face.

They would only be openly transmisogynistic in more private, radfem-only spaces.

For a while, I didn’t think that TERFs were real. I had read and agreed with the ideology of these "reasonable" people who others labeled as TERFs, so I felt like maybe it really was a strawman that didn't exist. I think that really helped suck me in.

It sounds from what you said like radical feminism works as a kind of funnel system, with "lesfem" being one gateway leading in, and "TIRF" and "gender crit" being branches that lesfem specifically funnels into- with TERFs at the end of the funnel. Does that sound accurate?

I think that's a great description actually!

When I was growing up, I had to go to meetings to learn how to "best spread the word of god". It was brainwashing 101: start off by building a relationship, find a common ground. Do not tell them what you really believe. Use confusing language and cute innuendos to "draw them in". Prey on their emotions by having long exhausting sermons, using music and peer pressure to manipulate them into making a commitment to the church, then BAM- hit them with the weird shit.

Obviously I am paraphrasing, but this was framed as a necessary evil to not "freak out" the outsiders.

I started to see that same talk in gender critical circles: I remember seeing something to the effect of, "lesfem and gender crit spaces exist to cleanse you of the gender ideology so you can later understand the 'real' danger of it", which really freaked me out; I realized I was in a cult again.

I definitely think it's intentional. I think they got these ideas from evangelical Christianity, and they actively use it to spread it online and target young lesbians and transmascs. And I think gender critical butch spaces are there to draw in young transmascs who hate everything about femininity and womanhood, and lesfem spaces are there to spread the idea that trans women exist as a threat to lesbianism.

Do you know if they view TIRFs a similar way- as essentially prepping people for TERF indoctrination?

Yes and no.

I've seen lots of in-fighting about TIRFs; most TERFs see them as a detriment, worse than the "TRAs" themselves. I've also definitely seen it posed as "baby's first radfeminism". A lot of TIRFs are trans women, at least from what I've seen on Tumblr, and therefore are not accepted or liked by radfems. To be completely honest, I don't think they're liked by anyone. They just hate men.

TIRFs are almost another breed altogether; I don't know if they have ties to lesfems at all, but I do think they might've spearheaded the online ace exclusionist discourse. I think a lot of them also swallowed radfem ideology without knowing what it was, and parrot it without thinking too hard about how it contradicts with other ideas they have.

The difference is TIRFs exist. They're real people with a bizarre, contradictory ideology. The lesfem community, on the other hand, is a completely manufactured "community" of crypto-terfs designed specifically to indoctrinate people into TERF ideology.

Part of my interest in TIRFs here is that they seem to have a heavy hand in the way transmascs are treated by the trans community, and if you're right that they were a big part of ace exclusionism too they've had a huge impact on queer discourse as a whole for some time. It seems likely that Baeddels came out of that movement too.

Yes, there’s a lot of overlap. The more digging I did, the more I found that it's a smaller circle running the show than it seems. TIRFs really do a lot of legwork in peddling the ideology to outer queer community, who tend to see it as generic feminism.

TERFs joke a lot about how non-radfems will repost or reblog from TERFs, adding "op is a TERF”. They're very gleeful when people accept their ideology with the mask on. They think it means these people are close to fully learning the "truth", and they see it as further evidence they have the truth the world is hiding. I think it's important to speak out against radical feminism in general, because they’re right; their ideology does seep out into the queer community.

Do you think there's any "good" radical feminism?

No. It sees women as the ultimate victim, rather than seeing gender as a tool to oppress different people differently. Radical feminism will always see men as the problem, and it is always going to do harm to men of color, gay men, trans men, disabled men, etc.

Women aren't a coherent class, and radfems are very panicked about that fact; they think it's going to be the end of us all. But what's wrong with that? That's like freaking out that white isn't a coherent group. It reveals more about you.

It's kind of the root of all exclusionism, the more I think about it, isn't it? Just freaking out that some group isn't going to be exclusive anymore.

Radical feminists believe that women are inherently better than men.

For TIRFs, it's gender essentialism. For TERFs, its bio essentialism. Both systems are fundamentally broken, and will always hurt the groups most at risk. Centering women and misogyny above all else erases the root causes of bigotry and oppression, and it erases the intersections of race and class. The idea that women are always fundamentally less threatening is very white and privileged.

It also ignores how cis women benefit from gender norms just as cis men do, and how cis men suffer from gender roles as well. It’s a system of control where gender non-conformity is a punishable offense.

#transgender #transphobia #trans #transmisogyny #radical feminism #radfem #feminism #transandrophobia #terfs #tirfs #gender critical #nothorses #cult mention #long post

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lochnessies · 3 years

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ok here’s a dissection of a post an anon sent me the link to and bc i have the worst time management possible and i completely forgot i had it lol so sorry anon here you go ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I am constantly thinking about how Edelgard just doesn’t seem designed to appeal to cishet men.

i hate to be the one to break this news to you op but just because a character doesn’t show skin like charlotte fire emblem doesn’t mean she isn’t designed to pander to men. she’s very much designed to pander to the (majority straight male) player base with her ‘uwu i only trust you professor omg did u see that rat? pls don’t look at my painting of you uwu’.

then there’s the whole edelgard c support in japanese where byleth makes reference to having come to her room for ‘yobi’ which is

there’s also the scene where byleth can make an unsolicited comment about edelgard’s breast size. which is… uhh… gross.

edelgard also has cipher cards that go from slightly fanserviceie to full on suggestive

and also her breast armor that my sister relentlessly mocked lol

and here’s a chart from the 3h subreddit about gender/sexually in regards to edelgard and edeleth. it’s extremely straight male. op might have just overlooked this since they probably don’t go on reddit and stay on tumblr (which unlike reddit is mostly female and has a high lgbt demographic).

Like the joke is that Bleagles is the Gay House, but everything about her feels deliberately non-hetero.

i don’t like where this is going…

She’s dressed in sharp outfits covering her upper body, with proportions that don’t seem exaggerated.

so women who cover up must be lgbt because straight women are naturally more revealing? oh y i k e s

Her poise and the way she effortlessly flourishes her axe exhibits an air of coolness. While titties out =/= character of no substance, Edelgard being dressed more modestly suggests that she wasn’t designed with male-centred fanservice in mind.

“titties don’t equal no substance but here’s my post on how she has more substance because she doesn’t show titties” ok

And she still looks absolutely stunning in her more modest attire (like seriously, I haven’t felt the need to return to cosplay in years but I want to do her academy look so bad).

yes she does. amazing design 10/10. i have a feeling this is the only part i’m going to agree with

Edelgard is intense. She does not mince her words and she is constantly evaluating you. Though she tries, she has a difficult time understanding her peers initially. Early on, she talks about how she would sacrifice herself and others in the name of some greater good. She is terrible at communicating with her peers. She has to be seen as infallible. Her heart has been hardened for years and she assumes she has to stay that way. She also assumes everyone mourns the same way she does - which is why she (kind of insensitively) insists you move on when Jeralt dies. Because to her, grief has to be channeled towards action, or else you’ll get lost in it. This attitude is demonstrated time and time again as she presses on. It can make her come off as cold and unfeeling - but look closer, and she’s anything but.

don’t really have anything to say at this part. it is pretty on the nose though i would slightly disagree with that last sentence a bit. i wouldn’t say she’s as i feeling as hubert is but all of her talks of the war boil down to how she feels and never her victims.

Her story is ultimately about her realizing that to achieve her goals, she needs to let people in and allow herself to want things like cakes and tea parties and lazy days in peace.

????? what ????? her goals include imperialism, ethnic and religious targeting. her story is about having a set of beliefs and mowing down anybody who stands in her way. that has nothing to do with tea, friends, and lazy days. also am i supposed to be sad that she has to get up everyday and work? i do that and i didn’t start a war and only throw a pity party for myself

The game leaves the player guessing as to how involved the Flame Emperor was in each Part I event, makes you feel hurt by her betrayal, and leaves you with a choice: do you follow the orders of the woman who tried to make you a god without your consent, or a young girl with questionable morals about to throw the world into upheaval?

this isn’t an ideal situation but i think i’m going to stick with the woman who tried to make me a god since i’m not selfish and i know it’s not only my desires and life at stake here. plus the green hair slaps ngl

Choosing her of your own volition (not for completionist reasons) requires the basic ability to sympathize with a woman’s pain. It also requires the player to read beyond her unwavering will and dubious methods to get a sense of how deep that pain goes and how the theme of humanity relates to her differently in each route.

i’m not going to touch this since @nilsh13 made a post on it that i’ll link here. i agree with everything he said so to repeat it would be redundant.

The player must be able to see a young woman’s desperate resolve to change the world so it stops exploiting people and ruining lives. They must be able to accept the fact that women can make the same morally wrong and ambivalent decisions that complicated male characters get to make all the time and still be the one to root for.

literally the same reason i love rhea lol her goddess experiments are dubious at best but her reasons are the same you mentioned. i would say that i like this quality in edelgard too if her ending, while bloody, actually ended in a good outcome for fodlan.

This is not unique to LGBT+ people, but this population is likely to understand why Edelgard feels so strongly about why she has to change the system.

i understand wanting to change a system, i really do. like edelgard, i’m an opinionated bisexual woman (who’s also physically disabled) so yeah i get it. and change can be good but it can also be terrible. even if the church was the boogeyman edelgard treats it as she still replaces it with her own shit regime. so it’s the same circus just with a new conductor.

I don’t think “Edelgard gets undue criticism because she’s a woman” captures the full picture. An important aspect of her treatment by certain parts of the fandom is that she’s a radical woman.

or maybe she does some pretty fucked up shit and it goes unacknowledged in her own route. and yeah she’s radical but in all the worst ways.

Her hatred of the Church and the Crest system resonates way harder with people who have been hurt by institutions that are deeply engrained in our society.

and what about people who have been hurt by systems where their ‘merit’ didn’t measure up and they were left behind? what about people from nations that experienced imperialism?

Siding with her means siding against the Church - which, while different from real world religious institutions, still invokes language about “sin” and “punishment.

yeah the ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ are used in relation to attempted murders which i think everybody can agree is a bad thing that needs to be condemned.

Choosing Edelgard will likely hit different if homophobic and transphobic Christians used that rhetoric against you.

it has literally nothing to do with ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ in regards to being gay or trans. that’s you projecting. especially since the church has 2 canon gay characters and two coded ones.

like i can understand why having a church condemn you can be uncomfortable but i’m begging you to please look at the context of what’s happening.

I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that the reason F/F Edeleth is the more popular iteration of that ship because most people who would choose to S-support Edelgard are LGBT+ themselves. This is not a revelation. To anyone in the community, it’s fairly obvious.

i was talking to nilish and he said

so yeah… while there is definitely sapphic femleth shippers out there, there’s still a whole lot of weird fetishizing going on from straight men about edelgard.

Crimson Flower was my first route. I went into the game knowing absolutely nothing. I played it during the last week of 2020 and hoo boy was it cathartic.

i can tell. this wasn’t supposed to be a dig but it came out that way and i’m not taking it out.

I felt like I was living out a gay revolution power fantasy, where I could truly change systems of oppression while fighting alongside a group of troubled students I’d shaped the lives of.

so a gay revolution power fantasy (cringe) goes hand in hand with imperialism and installing a dictatorship? also the war had nothing to do with sexuality.

Through your unwavering support, Edelgard learns that she needs to be human, that she must listen to her friends, and that she’s allowed to enjoy the world she’s creating.

edelgard gets to learn how to be human all while hunting those who don’t. and she doesn’t listen fo her friends. she doesn’t even trust them. she’s willing to talk to byleth but keep the people who’s been by her side for five years in the dark about everything. and yeah she gets to enjoy her new words since she’s on top. hate to be a commoner under her rule after she burned down my village in her war.

I love this character so much.

clearly. and i honestly don’t care if somebody likes her. i do as well even if my sometimes scathing words can make it seem otherwise.

It has been six months since I first played and I am still analyzing her,

me too. please help me escape i’m losing my mind

because there’s so much depth. Yet so many people fail to see that depth and dismiss her as evil,

i mean, she does some fucked up shit that goes beyond any of the less than desirable actions of the other main characters and does an extremely poor job in trying to make herself seem innocent. i personally don’t think she’s pure evil but i completely understand where the people who say she is are coming from.

because they never had the will to understand complicated women in the first place.

that’s big talk from somebody who implies that a gay pope is comparable to homophobic and transphobic irl religions and that leads an oppressive regime all because she uses the vague terms of sin and punishments that you have to gay power fantasy your way out of

#i finished this at 1am so sorry if i’m incoherent #mine

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bottomharrykingdom · 4 years

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hey i love this blog sm but maybe we shouldn't assume anything about h's gender identity he hasn't said anything and its not really our business weather he's trans, gender fluid, enby etc. also don't shorten non-binary to nb because it stans for non black please use enby -a non-binary person

Thank you so much for the love! 💖 We didn't know about the proper acronym nonbinary, so thank you for that too 😊

To clear it up, the trans community includes genderfluid, nonbinary, agender, and so forth identities! So when we say Harry's trans we don't mean that he's transitioning, we're saying he could be anything that isn't cis. However, not every noncis person aligns with the term 'trans' and would prefer to just remain in their own subgroup, or with no label at all. That's definitely valid and important!

So the real reason why we use 'trans' for Harry with certainty is that he aligned with the trans community himself with the cover of Fine Line.

Not only is Harry known to read LGBT literature specific to gender presentation, but he is also very methodical with details and symbolism hidden in his music. Almost all of which he refuses to talk about! But his silence isn't exactly sending the message that he doesn't want people to take note, does it?

What's more, the photographer from this specific photoshoot has been quoted saying that his photoshoots must relate directly with the person he's photographing otherwise he doesn't see the point. That is to say, this photoshoot was very much Harry's vision. Which makes three horizontal lines in the exact color and shade of the trans flag with Harry dressed in white, the color for non-binary genders, extremely unlikely to be a coincidence from the photographer. For many trans people in fandom they saw the uncanny similarity immediately. And when they heard songs like She and Fine Line, they felt they saw a clear message. That counts for something too.

When you consider how heavily gender is present in the Fine Line album era both in Harry's music and fashion, it makes even more sense that the trans flag to be featured on the album cover. Even the name Fine Line mirrors Harry's own opinion on there being "no lines anymore". And if the song Fine Line is to be a reflection of that theme, then him repeating "we'll be a fine line" is once again identifying with a non-binary state of being.

With that being said, no one has to call Harry trans(as long as transphobic rhetoric on appearances isn't the reason). But also remember there's no way an isolated fandom space believing he is could come to harm him. The harmful nature and culture behind misgendering can't really happen. Trans is an umbrella term, not a gender. And Harry's used she/her pronouns himself!

All in all, transhood specifically appears to be an experience Harry identifies with. At best, Harry's voice is being heard by a community he longs to connect with. At worst, a small group of people made a mistake and called Harry trans with the very best intentions at heart. Either way, there's no harm in it!

So we hope you're okay with us using it, even if you would prefer not to because that's totally okay as well! Trans, nonbinary, or no labels, what matters is that people try to keep an open mind, and at least see that Harry has a special relationship with gender he'd like to express 💖

#princess #asks #trans harry

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ceriseskies · 5 years

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It’s 5am Let’s Fucking Do This

Dear Transgender Transmedicalists.

You’ve been on my mind recently. I made this very emotionally driven post to get some of my frustration out, and well, the response I got from one of you, was— well, I got roasted.

So. Feeling like I owed a debt or something, I’ve done a little research, I’ve gone through some of your blogs. I have read actual trans people’s takes on you. And I think I’m going to to bring a new weapon to the ring: empathy. It’s not one I see a lot of use of on Tumblr.

Because there’s one thing you’re absolutely right about: Most, or at least a sizable amount of “truscum” are transgender.

(For the uninitiated, that means they believe you need gender dysphoria to be trans—non-dysphorics are called “transtrenders” or “tucutes”. Usually, but not always, comes with nb-phobia.)

First of all, I want to say where I think you’re right, because it’s only fair, and I want to show I’m being sincere about this.

For starters, I know Tumblr has this “you’re perfect and valid just the way you are babey!!!! Don’t change a thing!!!! <3<3<3!!!” And I can see why someone who suffers from severe dysphoria and needs medical transition for their mental health is scared off by that. I’m not here to police your positivity. If hearing someone tell you “your hormones are coming, and your transition will be smooth, quick, and soon, and you’ll come out of it a beautiful girl/handsome man” is what keeps you alive, then surround yourself in it. I want you to be healthy and happy.

Also, I believe that no one should have to date a trans person. That’s rapey. HOWEVER, I would question what makes someone uncomfortable about it. The genitalia? Okay, that’s valid. But a lot of other excuses are pretty thinly veiled transphobia, because no matter what kind of man/woman you like, a there’s a transgender person who fits those requirements. And don’t date someone transitioning away from the gender you’re attracted to. That’s sleazy.

And honestly, I think a lot of the “non-dysphoric” trans kids do experience some dysphoria, judging by their accounts. Just not an overwhelming, crippling level like I see most transmeds experience. There’s a lot of misinformation about it, and can see why they might not recognize it. And there’s a lot of dysphoric people would don’t even realize they have it until they become acquainted with their real gender. I would estimate that 90% of trans/nb people will experience some degree of it at some point in their life.

But even if 100% were dysphoric, I’d still be opposed to it being the defining characteristic. Why? Well, it makes being transgender sound like a medical disorder. And the idea of an LGBT (and continued, but that’s for another day, kids) identity being considered a disorder gives me major ick vibes—think conversion therapy, religious exorcisms, homosexuality being in the DSM…

Let’s start by breaking down the philosophy, because I can’t start telling you what you believe is wrong until I assess what you believe.

The belief of your average “truscum” is that gender dysphoria is the core of ThE TRanS eXpErIeNcE, whereas “trenders” believe gender to be a less tangible and more fluid concept.

It’s essentially dysphoria cure-seekers versus the gender truth-seekers, which, are the terms I’m gonna use now, because as a non-trans individual all these words feel dirty in my mouth.

Dysphoria sucks. And a lot of the cure-seekers are very much displeased with their trans identity. To them, being cis is good—they want to be cis. They encourage those comfortable with their assigned gender to be happy about it! Therefore, they’re completely at odds with the gender-is-a-social-construct, down-with-cis ideology of the gender “truth-seekers” who are encouraging kids to create new genders and just find what feels right. They can’t imagine having fun being trans—it hasn’t been for them.

And because of that, well, I can never be too mad at them.

There’s also an element of deep insecurity. Pretty much every dysphoria cure-seeker has latched on hard to the idea of brain sex, despite the science being shaky at best. It gives you the explanation you need for your dysphoria. You want a solid scientific ground, not just cheesy platitudes about it being ~how you feel inside~.

Just like every other trans person on Tumblr dot com, you’re seeking validation. That’s normal. Even you worry about being fakes sometimes.

But let’s not get too ahead ourselves here, it’s still mostly about people who aren’t “trans enough”.

The problem here is that in seeking your own validity, you’re stomping on other trans people.

I’ll let Casey, a lovely, 100% bona-fide trans woman, take it from here.

Now, usually when I hear the word “transtrender”, I find it’s not usually used at someone who has professed a lack of dysphoria. It’s usually someone who is being trans “incorrectly”.

For example, Riley J Dennis gets called a trender a lot, despite her talking about her own dysphoria on several occasions.

See, there’s a real fear that all these new gender experimenters are going to make the trans community look like a joke.

There’s a belief that these cool-new-gender-flexible-trans-kids are reinforcing trans about trans being a trend, and thus, blocking “real trans” from getting the help they need.

And you’ll notice that neither of these complaints has anything to with dysphoria. This is whining about people being annoying.

This is… very optics-focused. And hey, I think Tumblr downplays the importance of looking good to the average public. However, actual people matter more than outside impressions.

And also, who is the audience for this? Transphobes?

This tangential comment thread on Innuendo Studios’s “White Fascism” video gets it.

A lot of you simply want to assimilate into society as your real gender. You want to pass, be given the right pronouns, and get the hormones and surgery you deserve. And you want cis people to acknowledge you the correct way.

And so you try your best to be the “ideal trans person” for the cisgendered. You experience dysphoria, you want to pass, you’re actively seeking transition.

Sometimes you even join in the bullying.

There’s a lot of sucking up here. All lot of trying to to prove yourself to someone who wants you to suck them off.

And I refuse to suck the cishets’ metaphorical dicks. However, their real dicks might still be on the table if they treat me right,

Look, there’s quite a few transphobes out there who are unwilling to admit they’re transphobes, are looking for a cop-out. And this rhetoric enables their transphobia, using this guise which even comes with free trans supporters!!!

But eventually, they’ll turn on you. When you start challenging their perceptions, when you start stepping on their toes, when you become too inconvenient to be a shield against accusations of transphobia, they’ll toss you right in the garbage with all the “trenders” and “tucutes” you’ve been stomping on, and something tells me you’re not getting a warm welcome in that “garbage can”.

And they’re going to treat you like shit. And you’re going to be surprised when they teach you like shit. You’re going to have to learn the hard way that a conditional ally is not a real ally, and your beliefs are all about being conditionally accepting.

Transphobes don’t care about you or your struggles. If they did, they wouldn’t be transphobes.

What’s all of this going to get you?

What’s the endgame? Like when you kick out all the transtrenders, what will you have earned?

Will you have taken back your “trans spaces”? Will you have gotten rid of those annoying kids at the expense of actual people who need those places?

Will you have more of the non-finite trans resources?

What will that earn you?

You do realize that if you achieved your goal, you’d probably just start attacking each other, right?

And then we’d be back at square one. Because if there’s one thing all humans, cis, trans, or nonbinary, it’s someone to feel better than, no matter how stupid or toxic the reason is. Look. I don’t know what’s going on in each of your individual heads, and I don’t know any of you personally. I can’t tell you what has personally driven you to transmedicalism, but I hope you leave it behind one day.

All I can say is that I know a lot of you have had your own struggles, and as a (maybe?) good cis ally and fellow LGBT person, I sympathize with you. I’ve done my best to try and dismantle your worldview.

And I want you to know: it gets better. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I know someone does, especially someone who’s ideology portrays their very being as inherently suffering.

Look, my PMs are open if you want to talk to me about this (or anything else). Please be polite, don’t come at me with callous accusatory questions you don’t actually want me to answer.

With love,

Cerise

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anestheticx · 7 years

Text

What Exactly is Trump Doing?

What Exactly is Donald Trump Doing? It's been months, and many are asking what in the world is Trump truly doing? Better yet, what, if anything, has he accomplished? Is America now magically "great?" Are the claims of job creation and a "better" economy true or simply fluffed up garbage? Is he fighting for the everyday person, or against them? Is he draining the swamp, or filling it? Does he believe in climate change, or is it a Chinese "hoax"? Some of Trump's advisers aren't even certain of what Trump actually means, thinks, or does - this much is obvious in their continuously undermined remarks by Trump himself. An adviser will publicly say one thing, and yet, Trump will say another, disagreeing with them entirely. For all we know, Trump makes decisions on a total, uneducated, emotionally charged whim during late night hours while he skims twitter, alone in his bedroom. Let's look at what Trump HAS done. Trump Has: 1.) A Record Low Approval Rating. Trump's approval rating is the lowest of any new president since Gallup began tracking approval ratings in 1953. New presidents have typically experienced a "honeymoon" period in approval ratings during their first few months, however, Donald Trump has not. His approval rating stands at about 37% consistently. Presidents have slumped low before. George W. Bush fell to 25%, Clinton fell to 37%, Obama fell to 38%, and Reagan fell to 35%. However, these presidents did not lose support so intensely so early in their presidency, and had higher approval ratings from both sides of the political spectrum during the beginning of their terms. If Trump's approval ratings are the highest they'll ever be now, and if they get any lower, he may be the most unpopular president of all time... 2.) Done a lot of Mar-a-Lago Golfing. Since taking office, Trump has spent nearly half of his weekends in Florida. This adds up to a total of 25 days, and the costs are mind numbing. These trips have costed tax-payers about $20 million in 100 days, while Obama's costs for personal travel were at about $97 million in eight years. The costs are historic, but why exactly is the president taking so much time off, so early on. Shouldn't he be working? 3.) Pushed Anti Environmental Legislation. From pulling out of the Paris Climate Agreement ( which was a voluntary agreement to consciously cut back on environment destroying carbon emitters ), budget cuts to the EPA, dismissing EPA scientists, scrubbing the EPA's climate change website, expanding offshore drilling, denying climate science, and ordering a review of national monuments to the Dakota Access Pipeline approval - Donald Trump has denied, destroyed, and thrown to the side what we know about climate science completely. Obama's Methane Regulation law was something Trump attempted to ban as well, however, surprisingly the Senate voted not to repeal it. Donald Trump refuses to push towards modernized, cheaper, cleaner energy such as solar, wind and hydro powered technologies, and in doing so has put the U.S.A behind other major countries putting the health of their citizens and this planet before profit. As usual, Trump sees profit as more important than people. The scariest part may be that our water, land, air and general environment will suffer long after Trump, oil and coal are gone. The course he's set on is one that will harm millions if not billions of people if continued without review. With or without the support of Trump and the fossil fuel industry, many states have decided that they must transition rapidly away from fossil fuels to renewable energy. Clean energy employs 6x more people than coal, and again coal and oil are finite anyway. 4.) Rolled Back Protections Against Transgender Students. During his campaign, Trump claimed he "loved the gays", and even held up a rainbow flag at an event. However, actions speak louder than words, and he quickly decided that his campaign rhetoric, though apparently good for snagging votes, was no longer useful in his real life legislative decisions. In February 2017, Trump ended federal protections for transgender students that allowed them to utilize the bathroom that suited their gender identity. This move against transgender students allows each individual state to decide whether or not they wish to, basically, discriminate against trans students. Conservatives claim this decision isn't harmful, and that trans students just have to "use the bathroom of their 'true' gender" ( which is transphobic in itself ), but obviously transgender students will be faced with bullying, and various forms of aggression while attending class due to this. Trump also has stated that he wants to give bosses and landlords a "right to discriminate" against LGBT Americans. He is expected to sign an executive order so religious groups, individuals and businesses can do so. 5.) Created a slew of failed Muslim bans. Donald Trump is still engrossed in a battle that seems to inevitably be headed to the Supreme Court over his "travel band" which, if we're being honest here, is really just a ban on seven predominantly Muslim nations. Trump and the alt-right are obsessed with blaming the entire Muslim world for extremist terrorist actions. Due to this, Trump has repetitively tried to enact travel bans on predominantly Muslim nations, and has been struck down due to this sort of wide spread generalization not only being xenophobic but against our Constitution. Trump claims this action is one that is necessary to, "Keep America Safe," yet when one looks closer, the ban actually excludes countries that Trump has business ties with such as Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Turkey. Sketchy..... 6.) Embarrassed the USA. Trump officially embarrassed the USA during his first trip abroad for a multitude of reasons, the biggest being angering our international allies which he seems to continuously take for granted. From enraging the intelligence community in Israel and Europe by publicly confirming sensitive material they told him NOT to leak to dragging out his confirmation of alliance to NATO forces - Trump has repetitively agitated our closest allies including France, Germany, the U.K. and Canada with patronizing commentary, overtly aggressive hand shakes, off-hand remarks and a basic, "I'm not working with you" attitude. Not to mention, can we talk about the glowing orb situation in Saudi Arabia? No biggie, right? 7.) Took to Twitter Continuously. You would think that the president had better things to do, but, apparently not. #Covfefe got more press than a Delaware-sized iceberg breaking off Antarctica, symbolizing a climate crisis that threatens all life on Earth. Needless to say, Trump is obsessed with the social media platform, and has not only embarrassed himself continuously on it but never seems to quit tweeting no matter what hour of the day or night it is. If Obama had tweeted "Covfefe", Fox News would have had 24x7 coverage trying to prove it was a code word for Muslims to overthrow the government. What does covfefe mean, after-all? Incompetence, classism, corruption, and nepotism all in one, of course. 8.) Refused to release his taxes. Donald Trump has said he has absolutely no intention of releasing his tax information. But, why? Trump would be the first president in more than 40 years not to do so, and one can only wonder why that would be. What does he have to hide, other than his claimed "large sums of income." Pieces of Trump's tax return reportedly obtained by the New York Times showed a net loss of about $916 million, which Trump has admitted he used to avoid paying some federal income tax. The story just gets thicker, and thicker doesn't it? 9.) Attacked Net Neutrality. The internet is one of the last, large, fairly accessible communication platforms not yet entirely destroyed by corporate influence. Net Neutrality basically protects all internet entities by ensuring that they all get equal representation, not influenced by money or advertising sums for the most part. For instance, your internet provider doesn't dictate what you do and do not see. However, unsurprisingly, Trump wants to put an end to that, and allow your service provider to do just that - dictate what is and isn't easily and readily available via their own personal interests. Imagine going to the book store, and wanting to read a book on gardening. Yet, the books on drilling for oil are free, and the books on gardening are $50.00. Now shove that analogy into internet terms. Ah, yes, censorship. Smells like typical Trump erasure and suppression of opposition voices. What I love is that the American public blatantly and unabashedly voiced its interest in keeping net neutrality yet, this administration plowed over our insistence and stripped away our right to fair and affordable internet in order to cater to their own egotistical desire to deepen their already bloated and overflowing pockets...some Oligarchy *cough* uh, democracy we live in. Basically, what this means is that they will also lift up content that pays large sums and essentially censor others. Also - want to watch Netflix? Just add on $29.99 a month to enjoy up to 300gbs of streaming data at just $10 for every 100gbs afterwards! Enjoy YouTube? Add another $5! Get the Youtube/Netflix/Hulu Triple Play for just an additional $50 a month! (Throttling fees still apply). Congrats Trump Voters, this is literally what you voted for and literally what ISPs will be able to legally do. 10.) Created a Sea of Nepotism. From Kushner's influence to Ivanka's when did children of a public figure with no government experience himself, magically become political experts, and been allowed to interfere with serious government affairs? Monarchies don't seem to be the kind of system American's typically go for, but with Trump fusing his family and business into his dealings politically, it's unfortunately, comparable. 11.) Filled The Swamp with Raw Sewage by Appointing Billionaires to his cabinet. How exactly do men with vast sums of money legislate in favor on the everyday person when the everyday person has no ties to them personally? Apparently to Donald Trump, filling his cabinet with billionaires equates somehow to "draining the swamp" aka making it "everyday Joe" friendly. How can corporate lobbyists truly be concerned with the well-being of typical citizens, both working-class and marginalized - when they still have ties to their own money making agendas? Trump has officially surrounded himself with like-minded individuals who are all about self-preservation, self-interest and of course, profit. 12.) Favored Tax Cuts for the Rich. After his cabinet appointees came out, who can be surprised? Trump released a one page piece of paper that resembled a flea-market flyer in April, void of any legislative or outlined text. In it, briefly, it stated that Trump, "planned to revamp the tax code." At a closer look, the plan would slash corporate tax rates, repeal a fee on wealthy taxpayer investments, repeal the estate tax for millionaires. Doesn't seem too lucrative for the everyday person, but in reality, it could benefit Trump himself "bigly" - in his own descriptive terminology. 13.) Favored A Healthcare and Budget Revamp that will Hurt the most Vulnerable. From cutting aid programs like Meals on Wheels, to creating a healthcare system that would make almost everything a pre-existing condition, Trump has made it clear that his priorities are to benefit the most comfortable Americans, and stick it to the most vulnerable. Democrats wanted to save 6 billion dollars by cutting federal handouts to oil companies and firms with private jets, but the GOP thought cutting food stamps to over 900,000 veterans and their families was a better way to save money. Trump's budget plan hasn't passed yet, and for this reason, hopefully it's dead on arrival. Now, let's get to the, "AHCA". If passed by the Senate, how will Trumpcare aka the AHCA function? Sure, there will be no requirement/tax if you decide not to get healthcare. However, Medicare will be slashed, leaving those in poverty possibly without any healthcare at all. Rich Americans will receive tax breaks. Younger Americans may pay less due to older, more vulnerable Americans paying 5x more simply due to their age. Under current rules, insurers cannot charge older adults more than three times what they charge young adults for the same coverage. The House bill that was passed would allow them to charge five times as much. FIVE. TIMES. If grandma can't afford her insurance now, just wait. Also, the states would decide what pre-existing conditions they would and would not cover. The list of what the GOP considers as pre-existing conditions is lengthy, including everything from pregnancy and rape to mental health, cancer, and acne. What this means, is if your state decides any or all of these GOP mandated pre-existing conditions isn't eligible for coverage, you won't be covered under any insurance and probably won't be able to afford coverage for care you need. This bill is classist, misogynistic, dangerous, selfish, lacking any empathy, and downright pathetic. Call your Senators, tell them to ensure this bill becomes dead on arrival. Here is the comprehensive list of which pre-existing conditions will get you denied health insurance under the GOP plan that just passed in the House. AIDS/HIV, acid reflux, acne, ADD, addiction, Alzheimer's/dementia, anemia, aneurysm, angioplasty, anorexia, anxiety, arrhythmia, arthritis, asthma, atrial fibrillation, autism, bariatric surgery, basal cell carcinoma, bipolar disorder, blood clot, breast cancer, bulimia, bypass surgery, celiac disease, cerebral aneurysm, cerebral embolism, cerebral palsy, cerebral thrombosis, cervical cancer, colon cancer, colon polyps, congestive heart failure, COPD, Crohn's disease, cystic fibrosis, DMD, depression, diabetes, disabilities, Down syndrome, eating disorder, enlarged prostate, epilepsy, glaucoma, gout, heart disease, heart murmur, heartburn, hemophilia, hepatitis C, herpes, high cholesterol, hypertension, hysterectomy, kidney disease, kidney stones, kidney transplant, leukemia, lung cancer, lupus, lymphoma, mental health issues, migraines, MS, muscular dystrophy, narcolepsy, nasal polyps, obesity, OCD, organ transplant, osteoporosis, pacemaker, panic disorder, paralysis, paraplegia, Parkinson's disease, pregnancy, rape, restless leg syndrome, schizophrenia, seasonal affective disorder, seizures, sickle cell disease, skin cancer, sleep apnea, sleep disorders, stent, stroke, thyroid issues, tooth disease, tuberculosis, and ulcers. 14.) Invited Racist clowns like Nugent, Kid Rock and Palin to the Whitehouse. Trump invited the three to the White House to apparently pose in front of portraits of Hillary Clinton. Palin has repetitively spewed elitist, classist garbage, Kid Rock is a vehement confederate flag supporter, and Nugent has openly stated that he wanted to shoot Obama and Clinton. Which leads us to Kathy Griffin.... 15.) Freaked out over Kathy Griffin. When Griffin created imagery of herself holding up Trump's fake, bloody severed head, the internet exploded. Trump cried foul play as he claimed his son was traumatized from seeing such a thing. When did we decide to hold a comedian to higher regards than a "president"? Trump can endanger generations to come in one day, with one pen stroke, and Kathy Griffin can post a photo decapitating Trump, and yet the photo seemed to matter more? Apparently, to Trump, it's alright to body slam a reporter, and talk about how you sexually abuse women with NO consequences, decide to openly destroy our environment and basic human rights with NO consequences - yet a photo is beyond unacceptable to the far right? People created effigies of Obama, burned and lynched them during his presidency. Sasha Obama was nine years old when the birther conspiracy started on top of it all. The ridiculous outrage over the image was palpably hilarious. Would it be more acceptable if we "grabbed some pussy?" while Nugent hailed for the murder of Obama and Clinton? 16.) Watched Himself on TV, and TV In General Nonstop. From NBC's Chuck Todd to White House staffers we've heard continuous mutterings of Trump's TV addiction. Apparently, Trump closely analyzes every interview after its been taped, often on mute, and focuses on...you guessed it, himself. When he's not doing that, and seemingly infuriating 70% of the planet, he's watching cable TV. Seems, "productive." 17.) RUSSIAGATE. Where to even begin? Trump's administration is submerged in seemingly sketchy secret contacts with the Russians, yet, Trump "isn't" involved? US, European and Australian intelligence knows the 2016 election was hacked by Russia, but how far did it go? Trump wasn't under investigation when he fired Comey, but most likely is now. Trump asked an FBI director for loyalty, as if to, "shove the matter" under the rug, but it's acceptable because he doesn't know what he's doing yet? This matter is one that could go on indefinitely, and with Trump claiming he'll take the stand under oath, it can only get juicier, more ridiculous and more awful. One thing is certain, the ex-FBI Director and Trump can't both be telling the truth. 18.) Attempted to segregate schools with voucher programs. The Washington Post has obtained the details of Trump and Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos’ first education budget proposal, and it spells disaster. The pair of billionaires are planning to gut the education budget by $9.2 billion dollars – 13.6% of the entire department’s funding – and reduce total federal education expenditures by $10.6 billion. Charter school crusader and religious extremist Betsy DeVos, who has pledged to use her position to “advance God’s Kingdom,” has budgeted $400 million for school “choice” vouchers and another $1 billion to “push public schools to adopt choice-friendly policies.” By “school choice,” of course, DeVos and Trump mean “allowing affluent white families to use taxpayer dollars to send their children to private religious schools with questionable approaches to scientific education” and deprive schools serving low-income students of desperately needed resources. School “choice” programs originally began as a way for racists to get around desegregation rules in the South, as governors closed public schools and allowed white parents to send their kids to whites-only academies while black children were left with no schools. There is only one federally funded school choice voucher program, in Washington D.C., and a recent Department of Education analysis found that the students in those charter schools performed worse on testing than children who attended public schools. The budget proposal cuts nearly two dozen vital programs, including: - $1.2 billion for after-school -$2.1 billion for teacher training and class-size reduction - $15 million program that provides child care for low-income parents in college - $27 million arts education program two programs targeting Alaska Native and Native Hawaiian students, totaling $65 million - $72 million for two international education and foreign language programs - $12 million program for gifted students - $12 million for Special Olympics education programs - $168 million from career and technical education grants - $96 million from adult basic literacy instruction - $13 million from President Obama’s community-building Promise Neighborhoods programs - the entire $1.65 billion fund for “student support and academic enrichment that is meant to help schools pay for, among other things, mental-health services, anti-bullying initiatives, physical education, Advanced Placement courses and science and engineering instruction.” - $700 million in Perkins loans for disadvantaged students - $490 million from a federal work-study program - His plan would also end loan forgiveness for 552,931 people for public servants in rural areas. The United States remains far behind many industrialized nations in academic achievement. Our schools need more funding, not less. Our public school system could use reform, yes, but from skilled educators with decades of experience managing education systems – not an enormously incompetent ideologue like DeVos, whose sole achievement is her role in the Detroit charter school program, which is considered “the biggest school reform disaster in the country.” The children of America cannot afford to let an unqualified religious zealot upend the public school system so she can achieve her lifelong dream of turning America’s schools into Christian camps. The future of our nation depends on it. 19.) Inspired White Supremacists. Hate crimes against people of color have risen since the election of Donald Trump. So has the re-emergence of white supremacist groups in public. From clashes with alt right, and KKK groups that have lead to violence, to the two brave people who stepped in to protect two Muslim women against a man spewing hate speech in Portland and were murdered - when people in power normalize racism and xenophobia it emboldens those with similar beliefs. This is why Trump and this entire xenophobic, hate filled racist "conservative" movement ( among many other reasons ) needs eradicated. 20.) Refused to Listen to the Pope. During their meeting, the Pope not only donned a somber face but a written letter to Trump, telling him why he should not dip out of the Paris Agreement. Trump obviously used the letter as toilet paper, because we now know what his final decision was. 21.) Refused to discuss a livable wage. In his first 100 days, Trump has done nothing to address the issue of wage stagnation. I know a $15 minimum wage seems radical to republicans. You know what's radical? That people working 40+ hours a week are living in poverty, and that those unable to find suitable work are considered unworthy of basic necessities. 22.) Been Involved in Scam, after Scam....Fake for profit university, settled with a fine. Rape allegations, pushed under the rug with settling out of court. Tax Return absurdity. Involving family in serious political decisions. Leaking information about ally intelligence. Tweeting offensive garbage. Fighting with people on twitter due to said garbage. Russiagate, Russiagate, Russiagate - when will it end? Hopefully soon...... 23.) Claimed EVERYTHING EVER was "FAKE NEWS." Removing information and claiming legitimate news to be "fake" while propagating actual propaganda is an Orwellian technique to keep the public in the dark. How much evidence is needed that Trump obstructed justice? When will Republicans put the well-being of others and even themselves above loyalty to their party? It's clear that Donald Trump hasn't fought for the working class, struggling Americans, everyday Americans, veterans or even small business owners. If anything, he's fought to pass legislation for the wealthy, for those that benefit him, those with ties to his business, and legislation with classist, close-minded leanings. It's notable, that Trump views the world as a zero-sum game in which either you "win" and they lose or they win and you lose. It's the personality of a sociopath. As scary as Trump is, this reality show disaster is being used to distract us from the true depth of an economic system built to exploit working, and marginalized people. As stated before, Trump has made it clear that his priorities are to benefit the most comfortable Americans, and stick it to the most vulnerable - all while he destroys our foreign affiliates. What I really, really love - is how anyone speaking out against this country's current capitalist Oligarchical structure is a "snowflake". Over reacting. A "baby." Yet, these ultra conservatives are offended that not everyone is Christian, white, straight, rich, and subordinate to them. When did fighting for universal healthcare, livable wages, social equality, workers well-being, legitimate and affordable education, women's rights and environmental protection become so "unreasonable" to these people? When did logic become radical? When did voting against your own self-interests to better those with wealth become "patriotic"? I see so many extremist, Trump-esc supporters attacking others for speaking out with slurs, xenophobic hatred, gender-based hatred, and pure propaganda fed ignorance. Aside from the fact that they can't formulate an articulated argument without straying from the subject at hand, they'll immediately attack individuals for their appearance, gender, or for striving for working and marginalized people's well-being. Conservatives will spend hours attempting to defend their oppressive corporatist government that doesn't even benefit them, AND even after this detailed list of the awful things that Trump HAS ACTUALLY done or plans to do, they'll still try to defend him.

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merak-zoran · 7 years

Text

In Response to Yesterday’s Dorian Comic:

Trigger Warnings: Homophobia, Violence, Assault, Racism: Please click the links in this post only if you’re in an okay place mentally to deal with them.

I wanted to talk a little about the comic posted yesterday, the one featuring Samson calling Dorian the f-slur and then killing him.

I'm not sure if I can say that this comic triggered me, but it certainly had an affect on me. I was outside, at work, on my break. Enjoying myself, scrolling through my dash on my phone, having a smoke, and then I saw it.

See, I don't like Dorian and Cullen as a ship, so I have that blacklisted. But blacklist doesn't work on mobile. I never would have seen it if I wasn't on my phone. (Actually, that's not true. So many people called this comic out that I would have seen it eventually.) Once I saw it, I had to go into the work bathroom and shake and cry a little.

Let me start by talking a little about what Dorian means to me. You guys may have noticed that I am a bit of a Dorian fan. I've spent the last two years thinking about him. I bought the World of Thedas books because I wanted to know more about him. I've played the game six times and romanced him twice, I've read every bit of meta and obsessed over the Dorian tags. Because of this, I thought I had seen every stupid trope, every bit of wrongheaded thinking over Dorian's character and what he means to people. He's been characterized as Mr Gay and Sassy, he's been whitewashed, he's had his gorgeous nose sanded down to a nub, he's had women try to ship him with The One True Woman that he needs for some reason. Some of these things are stupid, most of them are a form of violence.

Fiction, as I have stated over and over again, is important. We tell each other stories to make sense of the world. We make up characters and project ourselves and our beliefs on them. These things matter because they help shape our perceptions, they help us learn more about people not like us, they help us see the world through a different view. Fiction matters. The same holds true for negative stereotypes. When we tell a story where Black people do not exist, we are telling the world that we only recognize white people. When we tell stories that glorify abuse, we're telling the world that abuse is okay.

And so yesterday, oldstupidtemplar decided to tell the world that killing a gay man of color after calling him a slur is how they think ship conflicts should be resolved.

It is telling, I think, that the person who drew this is Russian. Many Russian fan artists have been called out for whitewashing. It's always the same excuse, too. “There are no different skin tones here so I just draw what I know.” Never mind the endless trove of references available to show you how to find brown on your color palette. “We don't have racism in Russia.” You sure the fuck do.

But Russia is homophobic. Being gay, or any other sexuality that isn't straight in Russia can lead to your death. Russia has passed anti gay laws. From the Human Rights Watch website:

“'Violence experienced by LGBT people in Russia is unmistakably motivated by homophobia, but the authorities deliberately ignore that these are hate crimes and fail to protect victims,' said Tanya Cooper, Russia researcher at Human Rights Watch.”

It's not surprising to me that the artist of this comic has declared that they are not homophobic.

People like to hurt Dorian. That's something I've seen a lot of in my time in fandom. They like to force him to be with women. They like to kill his love interest. They like to imagine him beaten and harmed. These are the same people who will ship any two attractive men with each other and use that as evidence that they are not homophobic.

This is a straight woman problem. I've spoken at length with a friend of mine who has told me how much he identifies with Dorian. And he's pointed out that women like Dorian because he seems like the “safe” option. They can project their fantasies onto him because he’s attractive. It's part of the reason so many women ship Dorian with elves. Elves are thin and lithe and can be coded as feminine. Look at the Dorian and Cadash tag, then look at the Dorian and Lavellen tag. Adaar, to an extent, gets more love from Dorian, but that's because you can make a big beefy Qunari traditionally sexy, and give Dorian the 'feminine' role so many straight women desperately need. Dwarves are not traditionally attractive by fandom standards. (Which is weird, because with all the people who love height differences, you'd think we'd see more Dorian and Cadash kissing art)

(I know you're reading this and asking why I chose an elf to ship Dorian with. It's because I like playing as elves and that's who I picked to do that romance. I wasn't expecting to fall in love with my own OC. But that's another discussion to have another time.)

Here's the thing I want to leave you guys with.

When you have talent and drive, why do you want to use it to hurt people? When you want to write fic, why do you choose to write the only canon dark skinned Black woman getting tortured? When you want to draw, why do you choose to stab Dorian through the chest? When you want to pair art with fic, why do you choose to describe dark skin as a curse?

What are your motivations? What kind of story do you want to tell?

And is it yours to be telling in the first place?

I am not going to advocate for sending a single goddamned word to oldstupidtemplar. Block, ignore, move forward, support artists and writers who don't use their platform to spread violent rhetoric.

What I am going to do is ask that all of you make an effort to support content that isn't racist, homophobic, transphobic or ableist. Keep motivating those talented artists and writers who write respectfully. Keep buying books written by marginalized people who want to tell their stories. Keep boosting artwork that isn't whitewashed, that doesn't promote violence and abuse.

(Anyone who sends me a message about free speech and censorship is getting blocked on sight.)

#homophobia cw #racism tw #violence tw #assault tw

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granvarones · 7 years

Photo

Louie: So where did you grow up?

Freddy: I was born in West Covina, California and was raised by both my parents in La Puente, California but when my parents divorced my mom moved to Phoenix, Arizona, which is where I spend most of my time now. We moved to a somewhat rural town that has primarily Black and Latinx populations where the white people live in the nice neighborhoods and the people of color lived in the "other neighborhoods." I almost never interacted with white people. My classmates were always people of color with a sprinkle of white people every now and then. However, growing up here was a living hell.

Louie: How so?

Freddy: The first time I was ever bullied was in 5th grade when someone wrote "FAG" in one of my notebooks and it just got worse from there. At that point in my life I knew I was gay but just tried not to think about it and I was also pretty religious so I tried to "pray the gay away.” It didn’t work (lol). 7th grade was the worst year of my life because I was physically, emotionally, and psychologically bullied every single day that resulted in me switching schools. There was not one day where someone wouldn't call me a “fag” or try to fight me because I was "looking at their dick". They would also call me a cocksucker which I never really understood why they called me that because they were just stating a fact. My mom got worried when I came home crying one day from basically being assaulted and we went to the principal and he did absolutely nothing. It was a really dark time for me because even my friends at the time would tell me, "Just come out already" and at that point I just was not ready.

Louie: How did you sustain yourself during that time?

Freddy: I've always used humor to deflect my feelings and emotions so I would just laugh because it was all I could do. In high school it got better but people still would call me a fag and other annoying ass terms. I also dated girls, which blows my mind now but it was the easiest way to deflect rumors. I came out to my friends as bisexual my junior year and my senior year of high school but when I got my first boyfriend and I came out as gay. My friends weren’t surprised but were happy I was living my truth. I came out to my mom October of 2015, which is pretty recent, and while it didn't damage our relationship she doesn’t acknowledge my queerness but it'll take time and I know she'll get there.

Louie: Who was the first person you told actually told?

Freddy: My senior year of high school when I had my first boyfriend. I was so in love with him and because of him I realized that I was gay. I had dated girls before but being with a boy was just so different. I loved this boy, truly, and because of that I wanted to come out and tell everyone I was with him because for once in my life I was happy. One of the most important people in my life is my Grandma on my dad’s side and I decided to tell her first. She did not react the way I expected her to. She told me I was a disappointment to the family and that my family had high hopes for me and now they were gone. She also told me to keep it a secret forever and to never ever tell anyone else. It hurt. It hurt a lot. I cried for a while and told myself I was not going to tell anyone else until I graduated college and had a career. I didn’t talk to my grandma for a while and talked to her for the first time a couple months ago. I do want to have a relationship with her again but every time I see her, her words echo in the back of my head, so it’s a work in progress.

A couple months later I came out to my little brother because one: He is one of the most important people in my life and two: I wanted him to know so I could hookup with guys easier in my room. I told him in the car when I picked him up from school and I remember being so nervous and feeling my heart beat so fast. So I tell him “I’m gay" and he just looked at me and said "Yeah, that’s cool, can we go eat?" I was in shock because it was big secret and he just like curved it completely. Later on he told me he loved me and I lowkey cried because it was the first time a family member had said that. I always look back at that moment because I feel like that’s what coming out should be, not a big deal because I would've reacted the same way if my brother came out to me as straight.

Louie: Did you have any Latino gay men to look up to when you were growing up?

Freddy: I had absolutely zero gay Latino men to look up to. No one is gay in my family except for yours truly. It wasn't until a couple years ago that I found out that I did have a gay cousin but he was kicked out of the family for being gay so he moved to Spain. He reached out to me in 2013 and we talked for a bit but at that time I didn't know he was gay. Unfortunately, he died of AIDS complications a couple months after. I still wish I could have gotten to know him better.

Oddly enough even though my mom is a cis-heterosexual woman, she took a part in developing my queer identity because I felt like she always knew and lowkey supported it. My mom is a very religious woman from El Salvador who fled her home country because it was going through a violent civil war. She came to the States and married my dad but they divorced after 7 years and she raised me as a single mother. Growing up, she always took me shopping and I always helped her pick her outfits and she would always ask me for my opinion. She would always sit me down after her long work shifts and gossiped about her coworkers which I lived for because Latinx chisme is the absolute best. I also remember she would always tell me "Los hombres no sirven para nada" which basically is "men ain’t shit" and would warn me to be watchful of men. Which is why I now have IMPECCABLE fashion (not really), a big ol chismoso, and have always been watchful of the men that try to enter my life.

Louie: What did you think we as a community need to do to survive the next four years?

Freddy: There is so much we need to do as a community to survive the next four years. First we need to talk about anti-blackness in the Latinx community and start by talking to our racist ass family members who are contributing to the problem. The fact that we stay silent when our Tia'sbe saying racist shit is a problem. Also acknowledging our privilege for those of us who are citizens of the United States and stand up for the rights of undocumented immigrants. The easiest thing to do is to stop referring to immigrants as illegal because it paints them as criminals which contributes to this rhetoric that immigrants are dangerous when they're just trying to escape from their home countries that in most cases the US has fucked up. I'm also going to need gay men to stop with this obsession with performing masculinity and femme shaming because its toxic as fuck. I fucking hate it when guys ask me if I'm masc or femme and I’m just like “the fuck???” What does that even mean? Also destigmatize HIV and stop othering those who are HIV+ because it’s dehumanizing as fuck. I’ve heard some pretty ignorant shit about HIV and it’s something that we need to work on. We need to stand up for Trans women of color because the LGB+ community be forgetting that T especially when they are out here dying with a presidential administration who doesn't give a fuck about people of color and even less about the LGBT+ community and even less about our trans siblings. I mention all these problems in our community because in order to survive an oppressive, fascist, racist, misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic government, we have to be able to dismantle these in our own communities so we can come together to resist combat and survive the Trump Administration. We literally cannot afford to be silent any longer. This country hates my existence but my existence is also resisting and I am absolutely proud of being a Queer Ecuadorian/Salvadoran man living in a country that despises me. To survive these next four years, we just need to keep living, keep resisting, keep protesting, keep dismantling systems of oppression, keep holding our government accountable, keep being unapologetically Latinx and of course keep being unapologetically queer as fuck.

Freddy Christian Bernardino, Phoenix, AZ

Interviewed and photographed by: Louie A. Ortiz-Fonseca

#thegranvarones #granvarones #queer #gay #latinx #latino #storytelling #portrait #phototgraphy #resist #familia #photojournalism #lgbtq

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