#and that my friends is a lesson in why these fuckers make me emo as hell

[always-and-forever-a-killjoy]

Building Home Chapter 4

Hey fuckers and welcome to another chapter of Building Home! I've decided to switch to posting on Saturdays because Fridays are always chaotic, just a heads up, but I'll still be posting regularly for at least another six weeks, hopefully longer if I get my ass together enough to write the last six chapters of this in those six weeks (or at least like, Chapter 11 and 12). Anyways, the song for last week was so big/so small from dear evan hansen. This week's isn't quite so tricky, I don't think!

Title: Building Home

Chapter Title: I’ll keep you safe inside

Chapter Wordcount: 2263

Chapter Summary:

The crew settles into living with Autumn Assassin and the house of soup crew, and the Analog Wars suck ass.

POV: Dr. Death Defying

Warnings: Injury mentions, death mentions.. (If you want to know what parts to skip, go to the end notes on AO3- I also put a brief summary of any important info in those parts. Stay safe!)

Taglist: @wishiwasthemoon-tonight @sleevesareforlosers @stressed-depressed-emo-mess @tasteofamnesia @dagger-queen​ @no-braincells-here @piratecherricola (message me, send an ask, or reblog/reply to one of my posts if you want to be added or removed)

AO3 Link

Chapter 1 AO3 Link

Chapter 1 Tumblr Post

Chapter 2 Tumblr Post

Chapter 3 Tumblr Post

(Actual fic under the cut)

They stayed with Autumn Assassin for a while longer, talking with the killjoys of the household and generally having a better time than just living alone. It was a little strange to have three of them in one small room, but none of them minded much. 

“I shared a room with my sister in Battery City,” Cherri Cola told the others. D restrained any surprise from showing on his face- Cherri almost never volunteered information about himself, and especially not his past. It was something killjoys didn’t talk about much and rarely shared with anyone except their crew. So D just nodded in acceptance.

“D and I are used to sharing,” Lily agreed. “So we’ll just have to stick it out,”

Autumn Assassin, meanwhile, had taken Cherri under their wing. They had the common trait of being an excellent shot, and Autumn had managed to get him a much nicer ray gun. 

“Scarecrow model,” They informed him. 

Cherri nodded as they positioned his hands on the new ray gun. “Right. Look around what you’re aiming at, keep your hands in this position and steady as you can, and don’t hesitate. Hesitation will kill you, kid.”

D was watching the lesson just like he had watched Lily teach Cherri, making sure Autumn wasn’t too rough. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the other killjoy- White Lily trusted them, and that was good enough for him- but he wanted to make sure Cherri’s wound healed properly as well. So he was sitting and watching as they taught Cherri how to shoot better than ever before. Cherri was taking to the lessons eagerly, wanting to learn how to fight. 

“Don’t hesitate,” he repeated, and pulled the trigger. 

Autumn Assassin whooped as the can fell. “Good shot, kid!”

Cherri was grinning as he glanced back at D. “A hundred and sixty.”

“I saw,” D grinned back. “That’s pretty fucking incredible, Cherri.”

“He’s a quick one,” Autumn agreed. “Needs to work on his hand-to-hand combat and reactions in the heat of battle, but he’s a good shot.”

“I’ll do hand to hand if you want to teach me,” Cherri offered quietly.

“Of course I do, kid, you’re a quick learner and frankly a lot of fun to teach.”

Cherri’s grin grew even wider. “I’m seventeen.”

“And I’m almost thirty, what’s your point? You’re a kid to me, even if you kick ass at shooting and probably other things too.”

“Fair.”

“Ready to kick some ass?”

“Yeah!”

“Be careful of your stitches,” D warned, but it wasn’t his place to stop Cherri. 

“I will be, don’t worry. I don’t feel like getting hurt again,” the other said dryly.

“Good, I don’t want you to get hurt either.”

“Overprotective,” Cherri said with an eye roll, but he was smiling. 

“I’d rather not have one of my best friends die because he was an idiot and ripped his stitches, thank you very much.”

“I’ll be careful.”

Cherri was…less than careful, in D’s opinion, but he didn’t rip any stitches while training with Autumn Assassin so that was a something, at least. He did, however, get very good at fighting with a variety of weapons, including but not limited to knives, ray guns, older style guns, and even simple hand-to-hand combat. Autumn Assassin’s name included ‘assassin’ for a reason, and it wasn’t that they could poison people.

Meanwhile, D and Lily dedicated their time to the radio station and recruiting more people. Killjoys had started to settle in other houses and buildings in this little town area, given how intact many of them were. It was becoming a whole little community, arsonists and crash queens living next to medics and some of the most peaceful rebels. So while Autumn Assassin was teaching Cherri to be terrifyingly good at fighting, D and Lily were wandering the area and getting to know the killjoys there.

They met Legolas Greenleaf, fantasy nerd and excellent maker of crepes, apparently, although given that it was the desert they couldn’t really verify that. He and his crew dressed like fantasy elves and kicked draculoid ass while shouting things like ‘dishonor on your lineage!’ and ‘spawn of Morgoth!’. There was also Tommy Chow Mein, who both of them knew from the wars and was running a little general store out of what had once been the town’s general store, and his assistant was a kid called Penny Pincher who had copper-colored hair and was a bit younger than Cherri.

The variety of killjoys in the town ranged from a short, grouchy killjoy who simply went by ‘Fuck’ and was one of the best medics out there to a tall, freckled killjoy called Angel Kisses who was an absolute sweetheart but would absolutely fuck you up. Ages ranged from some of the oldest soldiers of the Helium Wars (“I’m damn near forty.”) to the younger siblings and even children of some killjoys (“She’s a bit under a year, just barely weaned but we had to get her out of Battery City.”) From the news others brought in, they knew this wasn’t the only community of killjoys, but it was by far the largest. Here was where the center of the rebellion would be for another few years, and the unsuspecting Autumn Assassin’s house was at the center of it all.

Their house was already somewhat of a town hub, being the most intact and the one with the most residents, and Autumn Assassin seemed to encourage this.

“What with the amount of people here, we’ve always got extra food, and extra rooms for travelers. We’ve got the resources, might as well use them. And I don’t mind these dumbasses hanging around the living room, they bring some life to the place.” That was what they told D when he asked about it, leaning against the counter as the two of them watched the chaos unfold in their living room like it did almost every day. 

“They certainly do bring life. Also chaos.”

Autumn Assassin cackled. “That’s true. Nothing wrong with a bit of chaos, though. We are killjoys, after all.”

“True, we are.” D frowned. “Do you worry about Lil and I bringing bli down on your head?”

“If you do, we’ll tell them to fuck off.” Their face grew more serious. “I’m not kidding, though, Doctor Death. We give no fucks about Better Living, and we do give some fucks about you and your little crew. I worry a little about putting the younger members of the house in danger, but all of them knew what they were getting into. And all of them know how to fight.”

“I’m assuming you taught them?”

“How did you guess?” Their voice was utterly deadpan. “Not all of them, but yeah. I insist on teaching everyone who comes through some basic hand-to-hand combat and how to shoot a ray gun, if they don’t know. It’s my way of keeping them safe. Like your radio station.”

It was true, 109 in the sky had many goals, but one of them was keeping the killjoys safe and informed. The more they knew about upcoming dangers, the better they could fight back, and WKIL served as a hub of information. Killjoys radioed in or brought news of whatever they had found, from a supply truck that had been raided and had some extra supplies to exterminators coming to the desert. Code words were a part of this too, a cobbled together mixture of killjoy slang and actual code that served as yet another line of defense. Even if Better Living Industries figured out how to listen in, it wasn’t as if they would understand half the words being said, and Dr. Death Defying knew they had to keep it that way. Secrecy was essential to a successful rebellion, as Lily had put it. So the code was an important part of running the radio station, alongside the technology and the consistent news.

Even as they began to travel around again, taking the news van to broadcast from different Zones as a way of confusing Better Living Industries, they continued to return to Autumn Assassin’s house and the town around it as a home base. The room that Autumn Assassin had given them at the very start was theirs permanently now, and Autumn always kept it open for them. Sometimes they would be gone a day or two, sometimes an entire week or even a month or more. It depended on how close they thought Better Living Industries was to catching on, and traveling around seemed to be working as a method of confusing the corporation. In addition to the FM radio station of WKIL, multiple AM stations had sprung up that took the info from D’s daily broadcast and spread it over a wider range. Their signal was much easier to interfere with, which was why the original WKIL was an FM station, but it got the news out to the entirety of the Zones, providing an invaluable service. 

So the rebellion continued to grow, month after month, until the Zones were alive with killjoys and color, loud noise and firefights. Cherri’s training at the hands of Autumn Assassin had only made him more bold, much to D’s worry, but he had to admit that Cherri’s borderline insane antics were a very effective method. He was one of the few killjoys unafraid to fight almost any level of Better Living Industries employee, and one of the most effective at it too.

Lily, meanwhile, was working on organizing larger raids and even attacking Battery City itself. D was her right hand, as always, but he was also occupied with the radio station and other things. So Cherri had stepped partially into their role, accompanying Lily when she went on missions and standing by her side as a very effective deterrent against exterminators. Better Living Industries had intensified their efforts to find Lily and D, and Cherri was now top of their wanted lists as well. He had gone from an unremarkable and frankly unintimidating sixteen-year-old to one of the finest shots in the desert and a highly wanted killjoy, the name Cherri Cola whispered almost as often as you could hear whispers of Dr. Death Defying or White Lily.

He had gained a reputation for being one of few killjoys who usually worked alone, often taking on missions solo (and giving D and Lily a heart attack when he stumbled back in with a stab wound or ray gun shot, bruised and battered). That wouldn’t change until their last few crew members joined up, and even then, Cherri was fiercely independent both as a fighter and a person. He was loyal, that was for sure, willing to fight just about anything for D or Lily, but he would always prefer solo raids or missions.

That scared D shitless, but they couldn’t stop him and they trusted Cherri to keep himself safe, to an extent. He was still more reckless than D or Lily would like, but neither of them could really blame him. 

“I don’t know what he’s running from, but there’s something.” That was Lily, plunking down in a chair next to them.

“We’re all running from something, aren’t we?”

“Dark but true.”

The two of them knew what each other was running from better than anyone else. Both somewhat happy children back in Battery City, there was nothing in their childhood that they ran from, only a faint sense of nostalgia, but the war they had fought in had changed them both in ways they didn’t like to think about. There was a past there to run from, horrors to set right. D knew that Lily had a sense that she needed to put things right, needed to atone in some way for her deeds during the Helium Wars. If that atonement, that fight, took her life, she would accept it as such. 

It might have been selfish of him, but he would not atone. They were trying, of course, to make the world a better place, fighting for the future they believed in, but the past was the past, and D refused to die for the crimes he had committed then. He had fought to survive for long enough that he wasn’t giving up now, regardless of what fate would be just for them. The best they could and would do now was fight for the future, not die for the past. 

It wasn’t easy for him either, watching young killjoys fight and be injured and even die, but he had to believe in what they were fighting and dying for. They would break the stranglehold of Better Living Industries, they would live free and bring the same for their children and all the generations that would come after them. All this wasn’t for nothing.

That was what D told themself as they watched Cherri curl into a ball in the corner of the room, protecting the slash on his side like a wounded animal. That was what they repeated when Lily’s sobs shook the mattress at night, keeping the others awake even if they didn’t dare break the silence of the room. D just prayed the others’ spirits wouldn’t end up as broken as their bodies after claps.

This pattern continued, day after day and week after week as their missions got more dangerous and Cherri grew even more reckless and solitary. It wouldn’t be truly broken until far after the final few members of their crew arrived, but the one who arrived next did by far the most towards that end.

#cherri cola #dr. death defying #auri writes #ttlofk #white lily #autumn assassin

[minamisconcierge]

Several Shades of Sadism Review & Route Review

Okay y’all so I’m finally doing it. I’m sure it’s pretty obvious that I’m in love with this game and all these boys and these stories, but I’ll do my best to be as honest as possible and give a thorough explanation of my likes, and yes -- dislikes.

OVERVIEW.      I feel that a lot of people are going to think this game is heavily based around smut and some kinky BDSM stuff. This isn’t necessarily the case. While you’re bound to have those sex scenes with the characters, it’s not the central focus of the game. The focus and story of the game changes dependant on whose route you take. Each potential boyfriend you’re able to choose from has a different route and storyline for you to follow.      There are different events that take place over time, and they’re advertised when you open the game for the first time that day, and also can be seen in the info tab under “want to see the news”. There’s also a login bonus every day, and I believe that the new day starts at 2 AM JST.

STORY & PLOT.      You’re a concierge at The Royal Shining in Japan, a top class hotel there. You’ve been assigned as the exclusive concierge to the Sweet Room, and on your first day of work, the Head Concierge collapses and you’re going to take his place. The guests you’re to take care of are the brothers of the Kira Group.      There’s a mixture of good storytelling along with a great inner monologue by the MC! The interactions between MC and the characters are hilarious, but although sometimes superfluous, reaction-wise. Other than that, there’s a good balance between story progression, humor, pain, and falling in love.

PROGRESSION.      You get five tickets a day to follow the main story that refresh every day at 2:00 AM JST. There are missions that you need to complete during the game, whether it be gaining a certain amount of elegance through sweet lessons, or avatar missions.      The sweet missions require 20 stamina to do participate in, and you get 100 stamina that refreshes periodically throughout the day. (I think it takes two hours for a full refresh, but don’t quote me on it lol)      Avatar missions are missions where you have to buy a certain item / piece of clothing to progress in the story. You can buy avatar items to progress the story with in game currency, but you will not receive the special CG that comes along with it. Other than that, this game is free to play. You’re also able to gain reward points by doing in app offers.      Reward points are another currency typically bought with real money, but can be achieved through offers found in the app.

MC      She’s not your usual MC. She’s ambitious, has her dreams, has her faults and she recognizes them, as well as her strengths. She attempts to make funny jokes, and her inner monologues are hilarious,and probably what most otome players are thinking of haha. There are some Mary Sue moments, but it’s expected to be, since she’s wooing all these beautiful men lol.

ROUTE REVIEWS

CHIAKI KIRA : SELFISH SADIST X SELF CENTERED      I feel that the trope of “man is the heir to _____ and doesn’t want to be, so he finds a way to ruin his reputation” is super common and seen in a lot of otome games / stories in general. I thought his route was going to be super bland, but his personality suited around the story made everything more interesting. He bargains for you to be his fake lover, in exchange to help your dreams come true and work at The Royal Shining UK branch. He gives you a lot of attention, and although it begins off just a play, there’s just that point in your interactions where you can tell that it’s no longer just that.      As the MC, you get to watch and experience with him the repercussions of his decisions that he makes, and how he deals with them. He’s a big, lazy, self centered dumb ass who says dumb things sometimes without thinking ahah. As the story goes on, you get to see him become more responsible, even if it’s just slightly so. Oh, and he has a cute little brother too.

TOMA KIRA : EMOTIONLESS SADIST X NURTURING      Toma comes off as intimidating and just someone you wouldn’t want to mess with. Just his presence in the room was enough to put anyone on edge. Your usual strong silent type, but soft on the inside. His backstory shows that he is a diligent and hard worker, and his position as the owner of the Japanese Branch of the Royal Shining proves it so.      He treats you so standoffish initially, and you just start to feel like a nuisance to him, but when you start to learn more about him, you realize that he’s the way he is for a reason. He takes care of you in his own way, often protecting you from his brothers and putting your safety first. You get to watch him come to terms with his past and his current situation, and how even when he realizes he falls in love with you, still manages to put you first.       It’s intriguing to watch how these two seemingly opposites work in a character. Emotionless, but still a nurturing person? When it comes to ‘emotionless’ I don’t think it necessarily means he doesn’t have feelings, but it means that he doesn’t let his feelings get the best of him. His route is well written, and the more that he pushes you, the more you want to keep playing just so you can prove him wrong, lol.

MINAMI KIRA : CHILDISH SADIST X COMPLETE CONTROL      The child genius who spent all of his nights studying with a heartbreaking backstory. He’s playful and extremely childish, always asking you to play games with him and to give him constant attention, and even referring to you as his toy. While his route doesn’t centralize on a specific ‘plot’ as Chiaki’s and Toma’s do, the plot is moreso centralized on how Minami develops as a person. Why does he act the way he does? Why is he supposedly the genius that comes once in a century? And why doesn’t this fucker ever sleep?      The this trope was interesting was the reason behind his behaviour. There’s a reason that he’s so childish, that he’s so intelligent, and why he never finds time to rest. He often parties and drinks, and there’s reasons he is the way he is. In your time as his concierge, you help him to develop and mature slightly and come to terms with his past and anger and all of his emotions at once.      .SPOILERS AHEAD ;; There is a scene of sexual assault, and if this is something that upsets you I heed that you take caution. It’s pretty descriptive, but Minami stops it and beats up that guy. I also want to elaborate more on this later so I’ll put that under a readmore lol. ;; SPOILER END. The scene after this is a crucial part in the development of Minami’s storyline, but it could’ve been built up to and written much better than it was, preferably without the assault. Other than that, his route is an emotional rollercoaster and very painful & touchy in various ways. You get to live through this man growing up and finally able to accept his emotions again.

MEI TARANTINO : HOT & COLD SADIST X MANLY      The game’s tsundere. He never really says what he means, blushes a lot at MC’s actions, and often throws childish tantrums that are just silly. It’s almost predictable what he’s going to say, especially when some of his lines are “It’s not like I wanted to see you here, anyway...” Although they’re predictable, they’re very sweet the way that they combined his backstory with the ‘manly’ aspect of him.       Mei hated women for a reason, and has always locked away his emotions since he was very young. You spend your time on his route taking care of his dog, and watching him struggle and conquer the emotions that he’d locked away and finally letting them flourish again. Also your resident pianist and character that was dressed up as a girl when they were younger, and bullied because of it. This route is also moreso about how the character himself develops besides the the actual plot of the story. 

Rei & Shizuka’s routes should be coming out soon, but here’s my opinions on them based off the events that I’ve participated in.

REI SHINDO : SILENT SADIST X POSSESSIVE      Very possessive. He’s that enigma that you don’t really know much about, and that you’ll think you do, until he shows you his true self. Minami often references in his scenes where you can talk to the character that Rei is always hiding something. He doesn’t tease to the same extent that Minami does with full out humiliation, but they’re just small things that he notices about you and is able to nitpick with you. Also, have I mentioned that he’s very possessive to the point that he’ll keep you locked up and all to himself?

SHIZUKA KIRA : TWO FACED SADIST X LONELY      I feel like he’d be something along the lines of Mei and say things that he didn’t really mean. Says a lot of harsh words, or words that you pretend that you want to hear, and revels on your reactions and enjoys them. He’s very easily jealous too, watching you get hit on at parties causing him to be very broody and emo off in a corner haha. 

I can’t wait to learn more about Rei and Shizuka. I can’t give a genuine opinion on them since I’ve only seen them in events and not their actual routes. ^^

ALL IN ALL, I think this game is very thoroughly thought through. While the characters are all based on tropes and very stereotypical at times, their personalities make the game much deeper than it seemed to be. Even with the sex scenes, there’s still parts that make your heart hurt, make you laugh, and make you fall in love.

MINAMI SPOILER / DISCUSSION THING BELOW. These are all still my opinions by the way, and you don’t have to agree with them; it’s just my view of the situation in itself. 

 Prior to the assault, Minami comes back drunk to the suite and his friend is helping him in. When they mistakenly come into your room, the friend tries to assault you, and asks Minami for permission to ‘play with his toy’. He grants his permission, and after a period of time of watching, rescinds his permission and beats the other guy the fuck up.

I AM NOT EXCUSING MINAMI’S LACK OF ACTION OR WHAT THAT MAN DID TO MC. Prior to you being his ‘current’ toy, he’s had many before which we find out he quite obviously didn’t care about. His friends probably have had the opportunity to date / be with / hook up with the past ‘toys’ Minami’s had, so this probably wasn’t abnormal to him. 

If anything, this was a turning point in Minami’s story. He was so used to giving up his toys to his friends and just leaving him be that he associated what was happening to MC as to what would’ve happened with other toys. But when he realized it was you specifically, something clicked in his brain and he wanted to take it all back. 

He realized his emotions finally, after ignoring them for so long.

He realizes that you’re not a toy, not a possession of his, and that’s why after your long discussion after these events, he lets you go and says “you don’t have to be my toy anymore.” He came to terms with that and knew that you weren’t an object and you shouldn’t be treated as such, and that’s why he had to let you go.

Even after the assault, Minami doesn’t really apologize outright. He does so in a very Minami-ish way, chastising MC for taking care of him even though something horrible had just happened to her.

Yes, the situation is horrible and I wish it was written much better leading up to the climax of this story in his route. Any other way could’ve been better than the implied & descriptive assault, and that’s the only thing I was disappointed about. 

But this is where Minami finally realizes his emotions, and is caught in a tumultuous state of accepting his emotions or running away from them, for fear of being hurt again.

#several shades of sadism #ruru speaks #chiaki kira #toma kira #shizuka kira #mei tarantino #rei shindo #minami kira #review

[coffeesforfuckers]

Oh, The Stupid Things I Do For A Stupid Man Called You // Brallon

Pairing: Brallon Summary: Falling in love happens in strange ways. You could fall in love at first sight and know right away or not realize until years later, or possibly not until it's too late. Dallon Weekes doesn't know what love is, what it feels like, tastes like, looks like... Love is doing all the stupid things for the person you are in love with. Brendon Urie is just a kid who needs to grow the hell up and do something with himself. He can't dance, he can't do mat good enough, he can't make friends and can't get a date. He just can't be a normal person, can't be himself. He can't figure out how to fall in love either. As Dallon runs into this kid so much like him, he just can't help but protect him by staying away. But not for too long. This is the story of two people finding out what love really is without even realizing there's even any there. Word Count: 4,664

Oh, the stupid things you do for the things you love. And I, Dallon Weekes am the dumbest of them all.

It was prom night, supposedly the most memorable night of your life or some bullshit like that. They'd hired a shit band in an equally as shit dance hall, my band was better than this and all I did was bumble around the stage like the awkward, tall guy I am and yell into a microphone. If you couldn't do better than that then you really needed to stop.

I couldn't really dance without another person, I had gone to dance lessons for a few months for a wedding surprise to my mom. She'd married David, my step-dad who was pretty cool and I was going to be doing a mother/son dance with her and I wanted to surprise her. She was surprised and all but I've never needed them again as I didn't dance much, especially with girls or any other people for that matter.

Also it was hard to find a prom date when you look like me. A tall, weird, emo guy with a shit hair-cut, I mean, I would be turned off too if it were me.

I'm stood off to the side, just watching as mostly everybody had fun with their friends and dates, both of which I lacked. I had 'friends' but they all had better friends of their own. Not that I blamed them either. I wasn't the ideal pick for a friend either.

I was weird and band obsessed, I mostly liked to talk music as that was what I knew but none of my friends liked that stuff. My actual friends who were in my band with me were from a different town and couldn't attend the dance without a date and it would be hard to say all four of these guys were my dates.

I notice a boy, probably around my age, alone on the other end of the dance hall. I decide to go join him.

"Hey!" I yell over the music and he glances over at me as I lean against the wall next to him, I towered over him, "Why aren't you dancing with the ladies!?" I call and he half-smiles.

"Girls don't like me!" He laughs, "I also can't dance!" He shrugs.

"Look, attending prom without knowing how to dance is tragic. I just can't let you face that humiliation."

"Thanks?" He speaks as I extend my hands out to him. I wasn't quite sure why I was offering to help this awkward looking kid but I just had to.

A small smile plays at my lips, "Don't worry, I'm a good teacher... Everyone says so." I tell him and he hesitantly takes my hands. I didn't even think of the backlash we'd get for this at the time.

He stifles a laugh as I dramatically pull him towards me, I truly was a drama queen and I knew it. I can tell he wants to show off to me but he can't, "Just follow my lead." I chuckle, the song was more fast paced than I hoped but I could pull it off, I step back and he steps towards me, I shuffle along to the side in a tango-like motion, holding his hands out before us. I bring our arms up in the air and spin, my arm firmly around his waist and his around mine loosely.

I tip him back and lean in closer to him myself, our faces too close for complete strangers but neither of us seemed to mind at all in reality. I sweep him off his feet and flip him, he lands it perfectly one hand still holding mine and I spin him into my arms, his back to my chest. He twirls out of my grip, releasing my hand halfway through the spin, stopping and doing a full on backflip and landing about a foot in front of me, his eyes, locked on mine as his arms extend towards me, they were crossed and I take them, my arms crossed as well, pulling him into me, his body crashes into mine and I shove him back, releasing one hand and twirling him around, tugging him back into me.

I dip him just as the song ends, both of us panting heavily. Neither of us realized that quite a lot of people had gathered to watch.

"You said you couldn't dance." I cough.

"I can't without another person."

***

I never thought that teaching that lonely kid at the prom how to dance could end badly. That was until people started the gay rumors. Everything went from already pretty bad to worse in less than a day.

"Hey fucker! Wanna dance with me?" A kid teases, "You probably want to fuck me huh? I'm so out of your league anyway. Aren't we all out of your league? Even that giant faggot, Dallon is better looking than you." I can hear from around the corner. I pick up my pace and find the kid I danced with, he's shoved up against the lockers by some guy barely taller than him.

"Yo, can you shut the fuck up and stop bothering him?" I shout, then noticing that the boy was in tears and he seemed to have been beaten up pretty badly and definitely more than once. I felt so unbelievably bad now.

The guy drops him and he lands on the floor, pulling his knees to his chest as a defence. He looked so afraid, "If you want to beat up on anybody, beat up on me. I told him that I was into him at the dance and he shot me down 'cause he doesn't swing that way and he agreed to dance with me, to make me happy. If you want to push anybody around for being gay or bi, or anything of the sort, then beat me up over it." I speak and watch as the boy looks up at me in awe at what I'd just done.

"You can fight back, he can't." The guy shrugs at me.

"Yeah but he's not the faggot, I am, right? So you should be beating me up and apologizing to him." I demand, "I won't fight back if you just fuck off and leave other people out of it." The guy nods.

"After class. I'm late." He turns and stomps off down the hall. I help the boy off the floor and he looks up at me with shaky, honey-brown eyes. I sigh and give him a hug.

"I'm sorry, kid. I didn't mean to get you in trouble for anything." I say as I pull back and he shakes his head.

"I had fun. You made my night great. Don't apologize... Thank you for everything you've done for me, Dallon." He smiles sadly.

"Don't thank me, it was my fault so I'll take the blame. Plus most people are too afraid to fight me anyway." I ruffle his hair, "You got beat up and it's my fault."

"Don't worry about it. My name's Brendon by the way." He speaks, "I'm sorry to cut this short and all, I just need to get to class... Thank's again."

"I should go too. No problem, Brendon. See you around."

I only now noticed how cute and small he was.

***

It's almost spring. I graduated two years ago after spending three years being beaten mercilessly for being 'gay'. It was worth it to help someone else out. I was waiting for a crosswalk light to turn green, my earbuds shoved deep into my ears and music blaring so loud that I was probably going to be deaf by the end of the day. I'm bobbing my head to the beat of the song and mumbling the lyrics to myself.

I love music so much.

I notice a guy step out of a store across the street. He's holding a couple bags. It seems like he'd been shopping all day. The sun was setting and I was just ready to go home after a long day of band stuff.

The guy steps up to the curb, looking both ways before starting to cross the street. A car speeds around the corner just as he gets to the middle line and instead of doing the smart thing and going back to the side of the street he came from, he bolts across, narrowly avoiding the car but tripping over himself in the process and landing at my feet. I chuckle, pulling out an earbud and reaching an arm down to him.

"You okay, man?" I ask and he staggers to a seated position, looking up at me, his nose is bleeding.

He takes my hand and I pull him up easily, "Thanks, I'm fine." He gives a breathy chuckle.

"Your nose is bleeding." I point out and his hand flies up to his face, running his finger under his nose and looking at his hand.

"Oh shit, you're right." He mumbles, going to put his white sleeve to it but I catch his hand.

"Here, don't ruin your shirt." I pull a black cloth out of my pocket, I use them at practice to wipe sweat off my forehead but this one was brand new and never used thankfully.

"You sure?" He asks.

"Yeah, it's just a rag." I shrug and he places it to his nose. He takes it away only a moment after and glances at it, squinting at it for a second and looking up at me with wide eyes, just as he did so I knew who this man was.

Those honey-brown eyes.

"Dallon Weekes? Like the kid from high school?" He says in awe.

"Brendon?" I say and he nods excitedly.

"My last name is Urie if you never knew that." He smiles at me. He grabs my arm and pulls a sharpie out of one of his bags and pops the cap off, scribbling his name and number onto my skin.

"Hit me up sometime, I've gotta be home for a family thing in like ten minutes." He says and goes to hand the cloth back to me.

"Keep it." I insist.

"How about I keep it and you call me when you want it back?" He laughs starting to jog off in the opposite direction, "Actually! Just call me!" He shouts over his shoulder.

"I will!" I yell back with a laugh.

I called him later that night.

***

"You want me to dress up like a girl for the whole night so your parents think you have a girlfriend?" I say in shock, "I'm like five stories taller than you and don't have boobs, nor do I look like a girl."

"Fuck you... And you'd be surprised at what I can do, now go tuck and tape." He points to the bathroom. I can't believe I'm actually fucking doing this.

I look at Brendon unamused as he tugs the wig onto my head, I hated him sometimes. He'd put a fuck-ton of makeup on me and was fixing up some fake boobage for me right after he got the wig on.

"You better appreciate me." I huff.

"I do." He kisses my cheek dramatically, "I love you Dally!" He squeals in a girly voice.

"Brendon, my balls are somewhere inside of me right now and my dick is almost up my own ass." I say and he breaks down into hysterical laughter.

"Impressive Dal!" He chokes.

"Your dick will be up your ass if you don't shut the hell up." I roll my eyes as he fixes the bra around me that has gel pads sewed into it.

"Oh please, it would be one hell of an experience." He winks and I give him a furrowed look.

"Are you saying you want to be fucked in the ass ?"

He laughs, "No, dumbass, and that's not lady-like to say, Darline ." He smirks at me and I shoot daggers at him, "Let me hear you're pretty voice, baby." Brendon taunts.

"I'm going to cut your dick off in your sleep." I speak in the best 'girl voice' I could muster.

"Sexy." He chuckles and smacks me on the arm, "Please be more ladylike around my family." He requests from me but he would be lucky if I didn't murder him halfway through the evening.

\\\

I can't believe what I'd do for this stupid boy. I stumble over myself in the tight heels Brendon insisted I wear and struggle to breathe in this constricting dress that Brendon picked out for me.

Being a girl must suck.

I don't see the appeal.

"If your parents can't tell from looks then they'll be able to tell from the way I walk in these heels." I speak in that stupid high-pitched tone.

"Most girls can't walk in heels anyway, Dal." He retorts, "You could just be more of a tomboy, who knows?" He smiles, "Make up a character for yourself and I'll play along."

"Okay, cool."

We get to the door of his parent's house and he tosses the door open, "I'm here!" He shouts like the diva he is, having to make an entrance everywhere we went.

"Brendon!" His mother grabs him into a hug, he looks just like her.

"Mom, this is my girlfriend, Da-Darline." He smiles as he looks over at me, it's an overly, too-genuine smile.

"Jesus... Brendon she's so tall." She looks me up and down before stepping closer, extending her hand out to me, I take it, "I'm Grace."

"I'm Darline." I nod and she still seems puzzled by me.

She drops my hand and takes Brendon to the side, I can still hear her talking either way, "Brendon, she's so manly, her hands are massive and tough and even her face is kind of manly! What do you see in her?" I can see Brendon is pissed but I don't quite get why.

"You can't just insult someone for how they look! It's not like h-, she can help it!" He snaps and even I flinch, not quite expecting an outburst like that. I've known him for ages and yes, he does tend to be a little over dramatic but he was really pushing it when it comes to dramatic right now.

"Bren, it's okay." I speak up and he turns to look at me, he seems shook up.

"No, it's not!" He shouts back at me.

"Chill, it's okay... Babe." I say unsure of my words.

He huffs and shakes his head. The night goes on like this, Brendon flipping out every time his mom said anything remotely rude about me looking weird or anything of the sort. It was sweet and all but I didn't really need him to defend me all the time, like I knew I was an ugly-ass girl, I was a manly looking guy and could never pull off being a girl. Nor that I would ever want to be after all this.

We went home early.

***

Brendon had invited me to dinner to celebrate the success of the album for the band of his that I had joined not long after my band took a break. We were nowhere near popular in any sense of the word, yet we were still more popular than my old band.

We were about done with our meal when Brendon goes to get his wallet and he goes pale, looking at me, "Don't tell me..." I say, looking back at him horrified.

"Please tell me you brought your wallet." Brendon practically begs.

"You said not to!" I defend and his eyes go wide, shit . He starts to fumble with his hands and he grabs my hand, placing something in it.

"You should totally pretend to propose to me," Brendon says, "We can see if someone in the restaurant gives us our meals for free, they usually will. People love it when stuff like that happens."

My stomach flipped and my eyes went wide, I look him over in his stupid jacket and sunglasses pushed up in his hair, showing off his huge forehead. I suddenly notice my trembling hands, I'm no longer hungry either. I felt like I was actually proposing... Why the fuck did I suddenly get so worked up over it? I'm confused and not thinking straight at this point, "Why am I the one proposing? You do it. It was your idea. You're the dumbass that lost their wallet."

"Dallon, come on, please. You're the manlier one here. You gotta do it." He pleads and I relent. Stupid me with my trembling hands and heart in my throat.

"Fine..." I mutter, "Fine..." I sigh and clear my throat, rubbing at the back of my neck. What the fuck was with this sudden rush of anxiety?

Brendon leans forward in his chair and grabs my hand and I suck in a sharp breath, I'm so jumpy. Damn it. I push out the breath forcefully, I'm sweating pretty bad, almost as if I'm performing. Was I having an allergic reaction to something? Would that be good enough to get our meal for free?

Brendon looks concerned and is about to ask if I'm okay when I finally force myself to speak, "Brendon, you know that I've been in love with you since I first laid eyes on you, it was love at first sight and especially at first dance... You are my best friend in the world and the most amazing person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Thank you for making the past ten years the best ten years of my life, we may have only started dating a few years ago when you were broken over the loss of 'the love of your life'. I swore to never abandon you like he did and I still promise you that so today to seal that promise for good I must ask you, Will you, Brendon Boyd Urie, will you marry me." My voice is shallow as my throat is tight when I slide from my chair to the floor on one knee. I hold Brendon's ring up to him, thankfully it's flashy enough to look like an engagement ring. Brendon looks like he could cry as he nods.

"Yes! Of course, Dallon! Yes! I love you." And it clicks in my head as the words leave his mouth. I'm trembling, I'm in love with Brendon?

I'm in love with Brendon.

He kisses me.

Those feelings are suddenly sealed in stone.

And then I pass out.

\\\

I awake in a hospital bed, Brendon is pacing the room. I groan and sit up, rubbing at my head, Brendon instantaneously looks over at me, letting out a heavy breath.

"Jesus christ, Dallon!" He breathes, "I can't believe you! If you weren't feeling well, why didn't you tell me!?" He scolds.

"I just thought it was nothing, I didn't feel sick." I frown.

"Why didn't you say you were allergic to shellfish!?" He tosses his hands in the air. So it was an allergic reaction.

"I didn't even know, man, I've never had any before." I shrug with a stiff laugh.

"You are a dumbass." He sighs, "Hurry up and get better so we can get you home." I smile sleepily as he steps up to the bed, brushing my hair away from my face, "Get some sleep, I'll stay here tonight." I nod as I drift back to sleep.

***

Tour was always fun, it was so good to be around Brendon, Kenny, Dan and Spencer all the time.

Brendon and I usually shared a room while in hotels while Kenny, Dan and Spencer shared a room. Tonight was a hotel night and man did this fucking bed feel so good. I never wanted to move from it. Brendon was asleep in the bed next to mine we were both catching up on our much needed rest. I somehow couldn't sleep and yet I was still too tired to even move.

Brendon's restless, tossing and turning in his sleep, squirming and whimpering softly. He awakes with a start, shouting and sitting bolt upright in his bed, panting. I jump at the sound of his sudden scream, squinting in the direction of him. I can tell he's shaking.

"Bren?" I yawn and he jumps at first. I flick the lights on and he watches me, "You alright?" I rub my eyes.

"I-... I had a nightmare." He frowns at me and I frown back.

"You think you can sleep?" I ask, Brendon shakes his head and I get up onto my bed, standing, I hold my hands out to him and he starts to laugh. Brendon stands up on his bed. Both of us had the habit of listening to music when we went to sleep so we would be dancing to the actual music, "Take my hands you nit!" I chuckle at him with a huge smile on my face.

"What are you british now or something?" He grins as he jumps across the gap between our beds into my arms and we both tumble back, almost landing onto the floor. We're both giggling and I pull him up, skipping a few songs that were on the playlist we had going until we got to Guillotine by Jon Bellion and I take his hands.

We bounce on the bed, dancing with each other and fumbling everywhere, tripping over the blankets as the tangle around our feet, bumbling all over and falling into each other while laughing pretty hard. He falls into me, holding onto my biceps, giggling up at me, his big, brown eyes shone with tears of happiness. He's leaning into me, heaving for air in between laughter. I know I'm in love with him just watching him like this.

Always so happy.

\\\

We had fallen asleep on my bed, laying together and talking till the early hours of the morning.

I wake up to Brendon making breakfast. Everything in this hotel room resided in one large open area, no doors for separate sleeping quarters or a kitchen area with walls around it. The only other separate room was the bathroom of course. Thanks to the designer of this building as I get to watch Brendon move, the muscles in his back flexing as he dances about, singing to himself softly. His shoulders have tight muscles that somewhat bulge out from under his skin with each move he makes, his spine twists about and the bones poke from his skin. It's so hot, he's so perfectly sculpted.

I can't help but to keep staring at his smooth body, his v line literally gave me the biggest boner. Well all of him did in reality but I mean, his v line is basically a fucking massive arrow pointing to his dick! How could that not arouse me?

I had a bigger thirst for Brendon than all of our fangirls and Ryan Ross combined.

My eyes roll up and down him and my mind is going wild with ideas. My favorite being the one where I pin him to the wall and fuck him from behind while trailing my mouth all along his skin.

Fuck me.

I am so gay for him.

"Dallon?" I hear him say and I almost jump out of my skin.

He caught me.

Abort mission.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" He squints.

"Huh?" Playing dumb was my only option by now, "I just woke up and am not checked in." I rub my eyes.

"You were just staring at me with weird googly-eyes and shit man." He chuckles and I follow suit but it's obviously forced.

"Yeah, I am not in yet, sorry about that, my mind was elsewhere." It wasn't fully a lie.

"Get up and have some eggs." He smiles at me as he gets me a plate of the food he'd just made, completely brushing off my intent staring.

"Thank you."

***

It's so late, so incredibly late but I'm up thinking about him. I craved him with my everything and right now I was reflecting on ever single one of those stupid things I did for him. The stupid shit I do for love and I am still a complete dipshit like I was back in high school.

After all these years, nothing has changed. I do it all for him, from getting my ass kicked to protect him to holding him when he has a bad dream, from dressing like a woman to stealing weed for him, from writing songs about him to fake proposing. So many things, stupid, stupid things because when you're in love, if the person you love is happy you'll stay miserable to keep them happy. But with him I've never been miserable.

I think of everything we've done together, everything we've been through. He's helped me through a lot of shit and I've done the same for him.

I'm sitting up on my bed, my eyes so tired that they're drooping and heavy. I run a hand up one of my arms, my skin is cool to the touch, I then brush my hair out of my face and to the side. I scratch at my side and shift in the bed. The old wood creaks every time I move. I can hear Brendon breathing heavily with sleep and the soft music in the background.

My body sways tiredly. I hear Brendon's bed creak as he shifts in his sleep, or so I think.

"Dal?" His voice rasps, croaking sleepily.

I yawn and scratch my thigh, "Bren?"

"Why are you still up?" He mumbles, half awake.

"I could ask you the same." I retort.

"I just woke up and rolled over and noticed you were still up." He shifts to hold himself up on his elbow, "Now, why are you still up?" He demands.

"Can't sleep, thinking." I shrug as if it's nothing.

"What about?" He coos.

"Just, uh..." I hum, "Trying to decide if this thing I did was incredibly stupid, or..." My voice trails off into the thick night air.

"What happened?" Brendon tilts his head, "What did you do?"

"Well..." I sigh as my sleepy mind wanders, "I... Fell in love with you."

The room falls into a gentle silence again other than the music and breathing and I just assume that he'd dozed off or not heard me. I fall back onto my bed and close my eyes in defeat.

I lay there for a while just contemplating life and what love really was when I felt the bed dip next to me and the covers shift. A gentle hand brushes over my skin and rests on the side of my neck, fingers playing with the small wisps of hair at the nape of it. I can feel the familiar soft lips of Brendon's press to my jawline just near my ear.

"You've done a lot of stupid stuff for me, Dallon but I promise you that this right here, won't be one of those things." He whispers into my ear and his warm breath washes over my skin, sending a chill up my spine.

My head falls to the side and my nose hits Brendon's by mistake, our lips brushing momentarily.

"I'm in love with you." I say again.

"I think I might just be in love with you too, Dal."

And we kiss.

And kiss.

And kiss.

My world feels okay, it's finally whole.

My fingers lace within his and he wraps his legs around my body, his free hand playing with my hair, "I think this was love at first sight." I tell him against his lips.

"I agree with you there." He hums on my mouth.

Oh, the stupid things you do for the things you love.

And I, Dallon Weekes may be the dumbest one of them all, but I know I sure as hell am the luckiest as well.

#beebo #fanfic #one-shot #story #original #ryden is dead #ryden can suck my dick #brallon is real #p!atd #panic! #Panic! at the disco #Brallon #brendon urie #the brobecks #wattpad #random #idea #ideas #dallon weekes #fuck ryden #archive of our own #writing #writer #my writing #my works #ao3 #au #author #gay #who knows

[ultimate-welder]

Ultimate Welder Watched The Welder, A Horrible Horror Movie

So I saw The Welder. Or at least, I took notes as I watched it. Read along while you watch the movie yourself.

·         Wait, is it really only 32 minutes? Seriously? Hope it's the right movie

·         SUDDEN MUSIC

·         It is so dark. Oh my God, it's gross and dark. It looks like early dawn but there's cricket noises so who knows.

·         "Did you hear that? I think somebody's at the door." Well she's dead.

·         Now it's really night and not fake night

·         Hey, there's someone behind you WHOA HEAD EXPLOSION

·         Weird shadow outside in the middle of the night? Better go check it out!

·         How does this welder guy see for shit?

·         "The fuck?" Yep, best line in the movie. Sums it up.

·         TITLE SCREEN

·         Oh no, this movie has a blue tint. Don't do a blue tint like Twilight.

·         Is she dead?

·         Ohhhhhh the acting. Oh bless both your hearts, you're trying.

·         Don't tuck her in, put her hand in a glass of water.

·         Time skip?

·         Dad looks like Grandpa. No judging!

·         Time skip again...? Don't let this be Pulp Fiction, man.

·         OH SO MUCH BLUE, NO.

·         Who's the tattoo dude? I don't care if he's the "bully" of the movie, I love him.

·         Okay, hearing how this kid whines, I understand why he gets picked on. Bullying is still bad!

·         Preppy looking guy hangs out with punk looking dude. I like this team. Imagine how they became friends! I want more about these two! But nope, we gotta stick with the whining guy.

·         This site needs time to buffer. That or my internet sucks.

·         ANOTHER TIME SKIP.

·         I get that there's a nice lesson about preventing bullying, but if he's getting pushed around for food, get a restraining order.

·         AND NOW YOU'LL BE CHARGED FOR ASSAULT, TOO. Of course you're going to get your ass beat!

·         He got kicked out? But he got bullied outside of school?

·         Oh no the sound. Two girls talking sounds like they were recorded in separate rooms.

·         What else are you going to do after school besides studying and trying on clothes? Where do you live, Ohio? I can say this because I live in Ohio, but I still find fun shit to do!

·         Remember, if someone bumps into you and apologizes, scream at them and call them a moron! Yep, she's gonna die, too.

·         Talk shit about someone and get caught? Don't worry, they're dating their cousin, so you can get away with it.

·         Kid almost gets beaten up for sitting in someone else's seat. Luckily, nice dude comes in and saves the day!

·         I have to pause again for buffering issues, but I cannot believe this movie is so short, holy shit.

·         WHO ACTS LIKE THIS!? WHERE'S THE TEACHER!?

·         Okay, so the sound is off and the picture is fucked up. I tried another video with the same results. Oh well.

·         I think a funny moment was supposed to happen?

·         In some angles, the main dude looks like Emo PewDiePie.

·         Before you go, you gotta meet the killer's fodder!

·         Obvious love interest.

·         Come on dude, make friends!

·         Ah ha, dumb Michael Bay jokes.

·         They speak so fast, I cannot understand them at times.

·         Sounds like a cool senior prank. Our school had kids drive their tractors to school.

·         Oh wow, awkward religious jokes, sorta kinda. Someone's gonna get offended, I know.

·         I have to rewind the film sometimes because I legit cannot understand what they're saying. That, or the character development is just shit.

·         Oh, she went to the wine cellar. I just heard her mumble and then run off.

·         STOCK WINE POURING NOISE.

·         This camerawork is going to make me nauseated

·         Kudos to the mom for being able to somehow drink an entire bottle of wine and drive from... somewhere.

·         This kid's acting. "I'M FED UP WITH THIS WORLD! YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, MOTHER!!"

·         I thought these kids drove to their friend's house, and they're walking home? If they're from Ohio or something, there's coyotes and shit you gotta worry about. We had a bear sighting last year! But don't worry! It's just two beautiful drink girls walking home together in the middle of the night, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG!?

·         More stock sound effects, I think?

·         WHOA, WHAT. WHAT JUST HAPPENED, WHAT!?

·         I have to rewind this again, what happened!? There was a weird noise, a girl bends down, stands up, and her friend looks like she got something spilled on her neck while a dude in a welder's helmet is standing behind her. It was so bizarre and fast, I have to back it up and see it again.

·         Also, I have been in the dark wearing a welding helmet. You cannot see for shit.

·         Okay, so she lightly pushed her friend, there was a faint sound of glass breaking, her recorded voice scolds her friend and she's bending down to pick up broken glass? Honey, don't do that. And then there's the sound of a golf club being swung, and the friend is bleeding from the throat. Somehow still standing and looking more confused and annoyed than one would after they've had their throat slit. Or was she stabbed through the neck?

·         She sounds really concerned for someone who's friend's been stabbed.

·         I don't think they were allowed to scream outside or something, so it's that fake shouting she's doing.

·         WHAT TEENAGER DOESN'T HAVE A PHONE ON THEM!?

·         They're surrounded by houses, go to ANY one of them to get help! Where is she even going!? Your best friend is bleeding from the throat and you're just going to nonchalantly jog to find help?

·         He might come back? How do you know it was a guy? I mean, it's obvious from looking at the killer.

·         HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE HIS HEADPHONES IN AND HE CAN'T HEAR HIS FRIEND SCREAMING FOR HELP OUTSIDE HIS HOUSE, WHAT THE FUCK!!

·         Music stops when someone knocks on the door.

·         Her acting, oh my God...

·         How many times have they done this prank of "Our friend is dead, we need help" for him to be tired of it? His friends are dicks.

·         Welder gets into houses easily. I'd be stumbling around in the dark and break several things before giving up and curling into a ball.

·         "Oh shit." HOLY FUCK THIS MOVIE!!! THIS ACTING!!!

·         What is happening? What is going on? Are they fighting? Did he hit him with the broom? I'm trying to figure this out.

·         This poor guy in the welding helmet, he is clearly struggling to see in the dark.

·         THIS KILLER WAS STOPPED BY BEING PUSHED OFF A BALCONY WITH A BROOM HANDLE. Yeah, he'll make his way back up because that's what all killers in movies do, but come on!

·         "What the fuck was that all about?" BEATS ME!!

·         THERE'S A PHONE IN THE HOUSE, USE IT TO CALL 911!!!

·         Her friend has died and she could not give a single fuck.

·         "I just wanna live." CALL THE COPS, HOLY SHIT.

·         Why are these kids walking home in the middle of the night?

·         CRUNCH. "Hullo?"

·         That's not a tree branch cracking, that's someone's leg getting crushed.

·         NO ONE CARES THEIR FRIEND IS DEAD.

·         HOW MANY TIMES HAVE THEY DONE THIS PRANK!?

·         Ohh it was her phone that fell and shattered? I dropped my phone before, and it didn't sound like a broken bottle being thrown in the distance.

·         He's just standing there... MENACINGLY!!!

·         Yeah, run. That's a great idea. HE EVEN TRIPPED OVER NOTHING.

·         Footsteps, then no footsteps. TOO SPOOKY. THOSE KIDS ARE GHOSTS.

·         Shortcut? And only he's taking it? He's dead.

·         OH MY GOD, THE NOISES OF HIM FALLING.

·         WHERE'S HIS JACKET!? The fall must've stolen it!

·         "Please don't kill me. I don't even know you." Oh my God, such desperate pleas.

·         This Welder dude. "I can't see... hopefully I can stab you successfully, somehow."

·         We don't even know why he's a welder. I mean, if he was, he wouldn't be wearing his fucking helmet in the middle of the night.

·         He dead.

·         WAIT, WHAT.

·         WHAT HAPPENED!?

·         DID HE FALL DOWN A HOLE!? WAS HE HIT BY SOMEONE!? AM I DRUNK!? Okay, I am a little, but WHAT IS HAPPENING!?

·         Oh sure, look at the body to see if it's really dead. Double tap.

·         I didn't even know he fell into water, I didn't even hear the first splash.

·         "Ever since you showed up, everything's been going wrong." HE'S BEEN HERE FOR ONE DAY, UNCLE FUCKER.

·         He threw up from the bad acting, the intense run, or what?

·         "You okay?" SERIOUSLY ASKING HER THAT.

·         Oh no, more bone crunching. BONESAW IS READY.

·         THEIR HOUSE WAS UNLOCKED THIS WHOLE TIME!? Y'ALL SUCK!!!

·         He's going into another room alone. He's dead.

·         Good on him for finally calling 911, at least. He's still gonna die.

·         Someone's been murdered and they immediately ask for the address? Don't they ask like who's been murdered or if they know who did it or anything? What do I know?

·         Just because the lights are out doesn't mean a cell phone has lost connection.

·         Can they not hear their friend on the phone with police? Shut the fuck up so the operator can take down information. Why couldn't he call the cops with the others? Besides making the scene tense.

·         I think Andy is dead.

·         He looks more drunk than dead.

·         THEY SHOW MORE EMOTION FOR THIS KID THAN THE GIRL WHO GOT MURDERED.

·         OH FUCK, OTHER GIRL'S NECK SNAPPED. THE CRACKING NOISES WERE FORESHADOWING!!!

·         Oh dear, the bumbling cop. And he's wearing a taxi cab cap.

·         DID THAT DONUT MAKE A CRUNCHING NOISE!? It sounds like he's eating an apple, but it looks like a donut!!

·         Is he drunk?

·         One cop shows up after a kid says there's been a murder and the call is disconnected?

·         The best acting from the girl is her being dead.

·         "Anybody else here?" I want the killer to whisper "nope" from afar.

·         What is he even eating?

·         THEY RAN OFF!?

·         "What the hell is this?" YOU DON'T KNOW HOCKEY!?

·         I'll give this killer credit, he's a polite killer who knocks before he kills.

·         Oh, it's the cop. Wait, how did the cop know to come here?

·         I was hoping the cop would be dead and propped up at the door.

·         YOU JUST CALLED FOR BACKUP LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES AGO.

·         Oh the sound effects. A liter of soda exploded from the cop's head. Or wherever he got stabbed. Why is the welder using a kitchen knife? Use welding wire, that shit slices up your arms real bad.

·         "Fucking Canadians, man! How do they play with this shit!?" Are you... trying to crack jokes now? Maybe it's just a shitty hockey stick.

·         DID HE TRY TO HURRICANE KICK THE WELDER!? WHAT IS GOING ON!?

·         THIS WELDER IS WEARING BUISNESS SHOES. HE COULDN'T EVEN FIND BOOTS OF ANY KIND!?

·         He fucking hits the kid with a hammer, the kid's head turns one way, but the injuries are on the opposite side of his face. How does that work?

·         His head looks pretty good for being smashed with a hammer.

·         OH SHIT, THE HELMET IS OFF.

·         Who the fuck is this guy?

·         I've never seen him before.

·         He's an evil janitor? Trying to sound like Beetlejuice and Freddy Kruger.

·         Dude, if you really need a job to help your sick child and you know how to weld, then get a fucking job in, oh I dunno, WELDING. Why are you a janitor!? How is he not the shop teacher if he clearly has the skills, I am so confused.

·         Um, now that you killed your boss, your daughter ain't getting shit because you'll be in prison.

·         I cannot feel bad for this kid. He's a whiny little bitch and this janitor just wants a better job to help his daughter.

·         THESE MUSIC CUES. I RECOGNIZE THEM FROM FNAF TRAILERS, WHAT THE FUCK.

·         WHERE'D THE GUN COME FROM!?

·         IT EVEN SOUNDS PLASTIC.

·         Oh, that was easy.

·         And now the cops come. Good timing.

·         If you have all the info you need, why are you still questioning him about shit that doesn't add up?

·         Where's the body? Oh my God, no.

·         No... you must be joking.

·         THE KILLER SURVIVED A SHOT TO THE HEAD!?

·         HE'S THE COURIER FROM NEW VEGAS!!!            

·         Wait.

·         THE END!? WHAT THE FUCK!? WHAT!? NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!

·         THERE WAS A STUNT TEAM!? WHAT STUNTS!?

·         Elevator music for the credits. No, I can't say that. This sounds worse than elevator music.

·         THE FUCKING END MESSAGES

·         "Please do not kill anyone, that is wrong."

·         "Under absolutely no circumstances should you use a fictional piece of literature as a guideline for what is acceptable."

·         This movie thinks it's so good, so scary, and so violent, that they believe someone who sees it will be motivated to become a fucking serial killer and act out crimes inspired by this movie. Don't flatter yourselves.

·         Oh my God, this was so horrible. I need to legit get drunk, holy shit.

[always-and-forever-a-killjoy]

Good morning fuckers, after a brief fluffy break, I’m back on my angsty bullshit. This time, I’m tormenting...guess who...

Yeah, it’s Cherri Cola. 

Anyways! Please pay careful attention to the warnings this time, this is incredibly dark and I want you all to be safe. Also Newsie and him have a sibling dynamic because fuck you (no, really because I want fun sibling dynamics.)

Title: all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me

Wordcount: 2910

Summary: Cherri Cola has seen too much to want to survive this world. Luckily for him, his family wants him to live, and so do a snarky bird deity and a trio of teenagers.

Aka the story of how Cherri Cola met the Fabulous Four before there were even four of them, and learned a few valuable lessons along the way. 

Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, a suicide attempt, hospitals, blood, flashbacks, self-harm, injury, mentions of addiction, (very brief) mentions of needles.

Taglist: @wishiwasthemoon-tonight @sleevesareforlosers @stressed-depressed-emo-mess @tasteofamnesia (message me, send an ask, or reblog/reply to one of my posts if you want to be added or removed)

AO3 Link

(Actual fic under the cut)

Cherri Cola stared at the door of the radio station, hyperaware of the sunlight that filtered through the cracks even as he tuned out the rest of the world, slumped on the floor of the station. Darkness, it was always darkness. He was always trapped in the dark somehow. But the sunlight was worse. Sunlight was worse. 

He didn’t know who or what he was trying to convince as his nails sunk into his arms. It felt like suffocating; the darkness was endless and filled with thorns that kept him in. The memories never left and the deeds he had done could never be paid for. Not if he lived a hundred years or a thousand. He didn’t deserve to live that long anyways.

He stared at the door, the faint beams of sunlight filtering around the edges. Maybe he should get up and walk out that door. Let the sunlight take him, see how long it took him to die in the desert heat. Maybe he didn’t deserve to live at all.

No. You promised D you wouldn’t. He ranked his nails down his arms, digging deeply enough to leave welts. You. Promised. A promise was a promise. He couldn’t leave Dr. Death Defying. He couldn’t leave NewsAGoGo.

Cherri didn’t realize how deeply he had been digging his nails until the scratches on his wrists started to bleed. Blood. It always came back to blood, didn’t it? Blood of someone he had called sister, pooling around her as he sobbed. Blood of his friends, lying too still on the battlefield and in the sand and on beds in the hospital in Zone 2. Blood of the dracs he had killed, splattered all over him. His own blood, running down his forearms and coating his hands just like the blood of all the innocents who fell to his ray gun.

Suddenly filled with a new surge of energy, he climbed to his feet. Almost mechanically, he went through the motions of putting the poem he had been working on before this all away, knowing how much it bothered D when he left his poetry everywhere. It took longer than it normally would have, his movements slowed by the pain on his wrists and his general lethargy, but it felt like only a second before everything was neatly stowed away.

Cherri Cola looked at the door, squared his shoulders, and walked out into the light.

He walked. And walked. And walked and walked. (And walked.) To his surprise, the sunlight didn’t promise relief like it had always seemed to. All it promised was a harsh death.

Not that Cherri minded that much either. 

He lost track of the hours, lost track of the days after far too little. There was no change in the landscape, not once he got far enough that the radio station was out of sight. The sunlight never seemed to let up, only briefly pausing while he slept. Summertime was the worst time of the year in the desert, it was universally agreed, but the only difference it made to him was more hours of daylight. More scorching sun as his throat grew dry and the desert started to warp around him. Heatstroke, he had the capacity to think still, even as he staggered and fell. Well, this is the end.

He wondered if the Phoenix Witch would come to claim him. Probably not, unless someone put his mask in the mailbox. He knew Newsie knew where it was; she was the only one who knew where his mask and ray gun were stashed. Newsie. His mind could conjure up all too vividly the image of his friend holding the pink mask in her hands, placing it in the mailbox with a whisper of a prayer. Would Newsie cry for him? A tiny, selfish part of him hoped so, hoped he would be missed, but the logical, ruthless side of his mind pointed out that he was just…Cola. Just an old wavehead who could never escape his own mind. A killer, a Ritalin rat, nothing but a worthless excuse for a sibling and a friend. That part hoped Newsie wouldn’t shed a tear. He didn’t deserve her grief. He had abandoned her.

He had abandoned her. Newsie had been almost more of a sister to Cherri than the one he had fought on the battlefields of the Analog Wars, and he had abandoned her. He had left her just like his older sibling had left him, all those many years ago. He was as bad- no, he was worse. His sister had never had a choice. Better Living Industries had taken her and turned her into a weapon, and it had never been her choice at all. It had always been his choice. It had been his choice to fight, to kill and maim and seek vengeance at all costs, his choice to turn to the relief of sunlight and run from what plagued him, and now his choice to leave behind the people he loved.

Cherri scrabbled at the sand, suddenly filled with renewed determination. He owned it to Newsie to try and get back alive, at the very least. He couldn’t just lay here. He had to go, go home to the people he had grown to love.

Getting up didn’t seem to be an option, the shifting sand throwing off what little balance he had and easily overwhelming his spent muscles. Crawling wasn’t any better, that took strength that he didn’t have any longer. So he reached out a hand and inched himself along, slowly and painfully rolling what he thought was back the way he came.

He hardly made it two feet before he collapsed fully again, unable to move himself another inch. No! Get home, I have to get home- 

His eyes fell on taloned(??) feet as he lay in the scorching sand, and he looked up to see a crow-like figure almost crouched above him, tilting her head further than any human should be able to. The Phoenix Witch?

“Am- am I dead?” He croaked.

“Not yet.” His heart surged in hope, despite his earlier wishes, only to be squashed again by her next words. “You’re dying, though.”

“No! I can’t- I- Newsie.”

The Witch’s smile was not kind. “Why are you so upset, huh? Isn’t this what you wanted? Or,” she went on mercilessly, “have you realized there is a point to staying alive after all?”

Cherri shoved down his pride. “There’s a point and-“ he coughed, sand getting into his mouth. “-that point is my sister.”

“Your sister is dead, hon.” She let out a small cackle of amusement as he tried to speak again, finding it even harder than before. “I know who you meant, Cherri Cola. And I know exactly where she is right now, and what she’s doing.”

“What- what is she-“

“Looking for you, sugar. They all are. You’ve got the radio crew in a stir, as people say, all ‘cause you couldn’t blow your brains out like a normal person. Lucky for you though, and them, seeing as you’re not dead yet.”

“Well I’m not dying. Not-“ cough “-not until I can see my sister again.”

“You’ll see one of your sisters if you’re dead,” The Phoenix Witch shrugged.

“I’m still-“ cough “-not dying.”

“Stubborn one, aren’t you? Especially for someone who didn’t care if he lived or not just hours ago.” She tapped him on the forehead. “I’ll let you in on a secret, Cherri Cola. You don’t want to die. You want to not be in pain any longer. And to you, those seem like the same thing. But this isn’t the only route out of your grief, and it’s certainly not a painless one for the people around you. They care, you know.”

“Really?”

“Of course they do. Dumbass. NewsAGoGo cried when she realized you were gone, and so did your beloved Dr. Death Defying. They’ll be hurt worse once they realize you really are dead.”

Guilt swirled in his stomach. “I’m not dead. And-“ cough “-I’m not going to be.”

“Honey, you’re on death’s doorstep. Otherwise you wouldn’t be able to see me.” She seemed to take pity on him, kneeling next to him and brushing some of the sand away so he could speak better. “I’ll make you a deal, though, a one-time sort of offer. I won’t take you yet, and I’ll make sure you live, on one condition: you have to give me something.”

“What?”

“Anything. I want something that means something to you, though. A piece of your soul, as it were.”

It took him a moment, but “Would a bracelet do?”

“Only if it means something to you.”

“Newsie made it for me.”

She seemed to consider his offer for a moment before swiping the bracelet from his wrist. “Very well, Cherri Cola. Enjoy however many more years of life this will buy you.”

The last thing he saw was a swirl of crow feathers before the world went dark.

-

He woke up briefly who knew how long later to a redhead teen leaning over him, tilting their head. 

“Nah, I think he’s dead, Jet.”

“He looks pretty dead to me.”

“No, shh, Kobes, Party. I swear I saw him move.”

“Nah, he’s gotta be dead.”

“I swear! He was moving, and look, I think he’s breathing!”

Cherri did his best to move his head and hoped they caught on, but even that small movement sent a surge of dizziness through him, and he blacked out again before he could hear any more of the teenagers’ conversation.

-

When he woke up for the second time, he was lying on a somewhat uncomfortable bed in a room he had never seen before, and everything on his entire body hurt. There was an IV stabbed into his arm, and his forearms were neatly bandaged, which made him think this must be a hospital. It certainly wasn’t the radio station.

The person who poked his head into the room a few minutes later confirmed Cherri’s suspicions, as he was quite clearly a medic. “Oh, you’re awake!”

Cherri managed a tired nod as the medic came fully into the room.

“How are you feeling?”

“In a fair bit of pain, but I’ll live.”

“Hmm. Anything in particular, or no?”

Cherri shook his head, and the medic offered a grin. 

“You’re not going to be having a great time of it, sorry about that. Almost dying of heatstroke will do that to you. You’re pretty lucky your friends got you here in time. Oh, and I’m Max, by the way. Your name is?”

“Cherri Cola. My friends brought me in?”

“Well, I’m assuming they’re your friends, anyways. Redhead kid with a smirk like the devil, tall blond kid, and that guy with a really nice smile?” Cherri was reasonably certain he had never met those kids in his life. “No?”

“Huh. Well, anyways, I’ll send them in once I finish my checks, they might be able to explain more than I can.”

True to Max’s word, a few minutes later, a redhead with a smirk like the devil, a tall blond kid, and a brown-haired kid with a friendly smile walked in.

He felt like he should probably say hello or something, but the redhead spoke before he could. “So who the fuck are you, anyways?”

“That’s a good question. Haven’t quite worked out the answer to that one yet, but my name is Cherri Cola if that’s what you’re asking. He/him.”

“Fucking fantastic. So we picked up a random stranger and waited at the hospital for him to wake up.”

The tallest one, the one with a friendly smile, sighed. “Sorry about Poison, they’re mad that the medics made us wait here because there would be no one else to visit you and pick you up when you were healed. I’m Jet Star, by the way. They/them or he/him.”

“Kobra Kid,” The blonde said. “He/him.”

“And I’m Party Poison,” declared the one who had demanded to know who Cherri was. “They/them.”

“Well, uh, nice to meet you. Thank you for taking me to the hospital, I suppose.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, not even us would leave some guy lying there.”

“We almost did, but that’s because we thought you were dead,” Kobra Kid chimed in. He bore a distinct resemblance to Party Poison, both in face and voice, and Cherri was starting to wonder if they were related.

He shook that thought off, trying to focus on what was most important right now. “How long until I can leave the hospital?”

Jet Star was the one to answer that. “Probably another two days or so, you were in pretty bad shape from what I hear.”

“And you’re going to have some badass scars, apparently,” Kobra Kid agreed.

“And do my friends know I’m here?”

Party Poison snorted. “How should we know? We don’t even know who your friends are.”

“D and Newsie- sorry, Dr. Death Defying and NewsAGoGo?”

“Radio DJs, right? We know of them, but we’ve got no real way to contact them,” Party Poison told him.

“We can drive you where you need to go, though, once they release you,” Jet Star offered kindly. 

“That would be great, thank you guys so much.” 

-

So two days later, Cherri Cola was being bustled into the back of an old trans am by three teenagers. Party Poison was driving, and Kobra Kid had claimed shotgun, leaving Jet Star to sit in the back with Cherri. He didn’t mind that, as they seemed the most friendly. He even found himself chatting a bit with them as the siblings (turned out they were, in fact, related) laughed and debated in the front.

“So how long have you been out here?” Cherri asked. That tended to be a fairly safe question- killjoys didn’t talk about their past in Battery City, typically, but how long someone had been out in the Zones was a much safer topic.

“Maybe…fifteen years? I was born out here,” Jet Star explained. “So I don’t quite know, but I think I’m fifteen or sixteen.”

“Ah.” He felt rather old, suddenly. “I’ve been out here since soon after the Helium Wars ended.”

“Wow,” Jet breathed. “You must have seen a lot.”

Cherri stared at the scars on his hands. “Yeah.”

Jet’s hands were nearly equally scarred, although not the same wavehead scars, as they reached out a hand in understanding. “The Zones aren’t always kind.”

He offered them a wane smile. “No, they’re not.”

That was the end of their conversation, as at that moment, the car screeched to a stop in front of the radio station. 

Party Poison hopped out of the drivers seat and knocked loudly on the door as the rest followed behind.

Said door was opened by Show Pony, looking mildly frazzled. “Hey, sugar! Whatcha need?”

“I think we’ve got your friend.”

Ey looked puzzled for a second, and then eir gaze fell on Cherri, standing behind Party Poison with Jet and Kobra Kid. “Cola! Holy- Destroya, Cola!” Ey pushed past the red-haired teen with ease, skating down to throw eir arms around him. “We thought you’d gotten yourself dusted!”

“Not dusted, I’m afraid,” Cherri mumbled.

“Well, good!” Ey turned to holler back into the radio station. “Newsie! Dr. D! Get out here!”

Newsie’s hurried footsteps echoed from within the radio station, and Cherri’s words stuck in his throat as she froze in the doorway. 

“Hey,” He managed.

“Cherri FUCKING Cola, you complete and utter BASTARD!” 

He winced as Newise hugged him tightly, still swearing at him. “You fucker, you little dipshit, you absolute dumbass, we thought you were dead! We thought you were fucking dead, fuckwad!”

“I’m sorry, Newsie.”

“You better fucking be! Rat bastard!”

That was when Dr. Death Defying arrived, with a lot less swearing and fierce hugging, but certainly some scolding. “You scared all of us half to death, Cherri.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“He was half to death too, but of heatstroke, not of fright,” Kobra Kid contributed (very unhelpfully, in Cherri’s opinion).

“That doesn’t make me feel any fucking better,” Newsie muttered.

“Also, infection and dehydration,” Party Poison added.

Cherri sighed. “Not helping, guys.”

“Who are these fine ‘joys?” Pony asked.

“The Terrific Trio!” Jet cheered. “Well, the name is a work in progress. I’m Jet Star. He/him and they/them.”

“Party Poison. They/them. And I’m in charge.”

Kobra Kid snorted. “Kobra Kid. He/him.”

“They saved my life,” Cherri chimed in.

D offered the three young killjoys a warm smile. “Well, we’re very glad you did. I’m Dr. Death Defying, he/him.”

“NewsAGoGo, she/they.”

“An’ I’m Show Pony. Ey/em.”

Eventually, they all headed inside the radio station, where the trio was given some power pup for their trouble, and Cherri was given a lot of lectures and hugging for his. He would have a lot of explaining to do later, he knew, but he preferred to wait as long as possible to see the worry and fear on his friend’s faces. So just for tonight, he was going to revel in the fact that he was alive and here with his friends. That was the most important thing.

Cherri glanced down at his wrist, which felt strangely empty despite the bandages covering it, and smiled quietly to himself. “Hey, Newsie, what do you think about making another bracelet?”

#suicide tw #mentions of addiction #self harm tw #blood tw #hospitals tw #suicidal thoughts tw #auri writes #cherri cola #newsagogo #phoenix witch #jet star #party poison #kobra kid #ttlofk #danger days #the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #danger days fic #newsie uses 'fucker' as a term of affection #i wrote this listening to the ghost of you