#and that maybe it's reflected in their writing over the past 12 months

[asfodelle]

Hello, hello, here's the first scene of the one-shot I've been writing the last few months. It's about a 'He Tian is involved in the mob and returns occasionally tho feelings never leave' situationship neither can walk out of, Mo is a boxer, there's a touch of religious themes, made myself cry writing it, it's a blast.

1. May 5th 7:12 p.m. - Bell

Before leaving the car, He Tian lets out a long sigh, blowing smoke. He should probably get to praying.

The door snaps shut, echoing in the small street he parked in. Past the intersection he hears kids chatting, going home for dinner maybe. He Tian takes a second to watch himself in the reflection of his tinted windows. He readjusts the collar of his shirt, brushes his pants wrinkled from the long hours of driving, throws his hair backwards and the damp air soon gets him to fold his sleeves up. He doesn’t look so bad, he thinks. Tired. He rubs his face with both hands to bring back some color to his cheeks, then under his eyes as if he could dim the blue tint that’s been settling there, but it doesn’t have very conclusive results. He starts walking.

The entrance of the old warehouse is slightly different from the last time he’s seen it. It looks more welcoming, but it might just be a trick of the light. The peach clouds of the spring evening just paint a nicer ambiance than the grey winter sky did, last January. The gates have been adorned by new tags that have been sprayed on top of the old faded ones and there are flyers encouraging people to join the Sunday mass down the street glued all over, though they don’t reach very high. He Tian imagines a troop of old women roaming the streets, spreading the holy word but his little game of guesswork doesn’t help him relax one bit. 

He gets in front of the door, a smaller entrance within the large sealed gate that used to let trucks in and out of the warehouse. He grips the handle for a second, takes a long inhale and gets in. His eyes slowly adjust to the dimmer lighting but he quickly notes that, contrary to its facade, the inside of the place hasn’t changed much since the last time he saw it. Between high walls of concrete and sheets of metal lie mismatched sets of equipment. Barbells, slick black punching bags, discolored benches of various sorts, a couple old bikes in the back, punch mitts forgotten over a pile of cardboards. A few training boxing rings give shape to the room, the space between them gives the illusion of corridors. The walls are covered in overlapping posters, the grey disrupted by layers on layers of paint and graffitis that even cover the high windows. They let small rays of tinted light in like the stained glass of a church, though the candles are replaced by tens of flickering LEDs lights. There are a few people here and there, busy with dumbbells or talking in their little spot but the room is so wide they can’t be heard. Stairs crawl by the walls leading to more rooms and places He Tian had never been to. Music resonates, low and muffled from a speaker somewhere in a corner.

In the middle of the room stands another ring, a bright red one standing higher than the rest, with white thick cords. When He Tian sees him, he’s sat there, on the side of the wooden platform the red ring rests on. He's listening attentively to a trio of teenagers, leaning backwards on his hands. 

Guan Shan had taken a liking to boxing in high school. A good outlet, he said, one that taught him to measure his emotions. It stuck through the years and he’s been great at it. Then he started giving advice to newcomers, to give some of spare time to help young blood he saw himself in and slowly it transformed into actual lessons and training sessions he holds after work. These kids have been coming here for a couple years now, He Tian remembers them. They are reenacting punches and kicks, arguing and giggling over different combinations and they turn to their coach for approval whenever they get a new idea. He nods along and fixes their posture a couple times, something soft in his eyes. He looks beautiful. Toned and pale as ever, the bare skin of his chest clashes with the black shorts and the tattoos that spangle his body. He Tian stands close to the entrance, leaning cross-armed, his shoulder against a pillar and keeps on watching over him though he struggles to truly appreciate the contrast of colors due to the fifth character in the scene.

A guy he doesn’t know is sitting close to Guan Shan, too close. His hair is an ugly shade of bleached blond and he keeps looking at Guan Shan whenever he speaks with big dumb eyes, mouth agape and enamored. He looks young, but maybe He Tian only feels so much older than his age. He looks stupid.

He Tian hasn’t moved but Guan Shan suddenly lifts his head and catches him right away, as if he’d known all along where he was hiding. The way his eyes widen for a second betray his surprise however but he quickly regains control over his face. It seems like he excuses himself from his little group, the blonde argues something, he wants to follow but he’s brushed away by a dismissing hand.

Guan Shan glances back to He Tian’s shadowy corner and starts moving towards the closed rooms in the back of the building, grabbing a few boxes on the way. He Tian traces behind him with a confident walk and ignores how all of his body stiffens with apprehension, every single muscle a little too tight. Guan Shan enters the room first and He Tian follows a few seconds after. He closes the door behind them. The handle creaks and his hands are sweaty.

It’s not quite messy in here, but the little office room is packed. The desk is covered with stacks of papers, cardboard boxes are neatly piled up in the back of the room; some are already opened and uncover the gloves, the tapes and bandages they hold. The window is open too, letting in the noise of the city. Guan Shan sets the boxes he carried over on top of one of the piles and gets to fumbling in his bag, almost turning his back to the door where He Tian stands.

« Hi. » he tries, and braces himself for what’s coming. 

« You know it’s fucking weird creeping in corners like this? »

He Tian pinches his lips in a thin line.

« Why are you here? » Guan Shan asks then, still busying himself in his bag. He doesn’t sound angry, just a little cold, maybe annoyed at the disturbance.

« I’ve got some business to handle in town. »

« I thought you were abroad until September. » Guan Shan muses, finding the shirt he seemed to be looking after, a large black one. He Tian follows his hands and notices he has splatters of white and red paint over his forearms, his short nails are stained too.

« The schedule is never really steady. » 

Guan Shan scoffs. He Tian know that’s a first warning but he can’t help but focus on the way his muscles jolt, on the way they flex as he flips the shirt over. He tries to not lose his eyes on the curve of his biceps. It’s a struggle. 

« I negotiated a little. » He adds « Took over Cheng’s spot. »

Little negotiations that involved a precarious alliance, three weeks of tailing for intel and a couple of threats. It was worth it.

Carefully, He Tian moves away from the door, closer to Guan Shan. He probably shouldn’t, definitely shouldn’t yet he lifts a hand and reaches out to touch his bare back. Guan Shan freezes.

« I wanted to see you. » he explains, voice low as his knuckles trace the bumps of Guan Shan’s spine. It’s daring. It might earn him a hook but the pull is magnetic.

As their routine dictates, they hadn’t parted in very good terms the last time and for that, coming back to him is always a gamble. A game of Russian roulette even and quite a dangerous version of it; one where he never even knew how many bullets were hidden in the cylinder, each of them taking a different shape. At times He Tian had handled days of scowling looks and a soft kiss that had left him bleeding out, he had received sharp words from petty fights without wincing but just the weight of Guan Shan’s rehearsed indifference could pierce his lungs and leave him breathless. He will take the hits, he does not care. It’s a game they’ve played for years now and as long as the other still accepts to pull the trigger on him, he’d take anything. After all, He Tian is the one who bound the gun to his hand in the first place.

A punch never lands this time. Guan Shan sighs, his shoulders drop then he turns around and throws his arms around He Tian’s neck, knocking the air out of him all the same. He Tian holds back tightly, and finally breathes out, his fingertips digging into hot freckled skin.

« I missed you. » He Tian whispers. What a fucking understatement. 

The arms around his neck tighten in response, only for a brief second before they hear loud noise by the door. Their embrace ends as quick as it started, Guan Shan stepping back and turning to put on the shirt he had discarded a second ago. He glares at the door, expecting it to open at any moment but thankfully, the people outside only pass by. 

« I’m training the kids all evening, and there’s a party at eleven, but I don’t think it’ll stay long. » Guan Shan says when the room has quieted down enough. 

« I’ll pick you up then. »

Guan Shan nods. That should be He Tian’s cue to leave, he has a couple things to settle tonight anyway but the other looks as if he’s pondering over something. He Tian catches how amber eyes roam over his face, for a brief moment they even settle on his mouth, but then return to the door. 

« Get lost. » he tells He Tian, tilting his head towards the door but there’s no bite into it.

When He Tian gets back to the car, his cheeks hurt. In the tinted window, his smile might look shy but it’s wider than it’s been in the last four months.

#19 days #19 days fics #my fic #writing wip #tianshan #it's actually a two shot but sshh it's a secret #it's about 70% done #though I was wondering if anyone would be down to beta read it #i dunno if it's still a very common practice but I'd be super interested in feedback #nothing too detailed or time consuming ofc #might make a post about that soon #anyway enjoy my friends #this HT leaving arc is gonna break my heart so im planning on mending it by writing angsty stuff

[ghostoffuturespast]

Works In Progress 2023: A Cyberpunk 2077 Year In Review

I thought for a hot minute about doing one of those snazzy templates that’s been going around, but editing photos just ain’t my MO and rather than going by month I picked 12 favs that I’ve posted in 2023. Some of them were popular, some of them weren't. Overall, I think I did pretty good for just doing vanilla photomode on console.

You might be wondering why there's a picture of a sticky note. I don't remember when I started doing this, and I'm horribly inconsistent as you can see by the dates, but I'll jot down my word count for my wip chapter and then jot it down again when I remember to later.

I write slow. A lot of times I sit down to write and it feels like the wheels are spinning in place. My minutes and hours don't stretch very far, typically don't add up to much. But days, weeks, months. That's when I can at least measure the progress.

Fic: So It Goes 40/44 - 438,946 words

My V x River Ward and tinfoil hat conspiracy theory long fic. I've spent way more hours on this then I have on any of my VP.

I got tagged by @just-a-cybercroissant @therealnightcity and @wanderingaldecaldo to do some WIP Whenevers. I post my VP pretty regularly, so it’s always seemed silly to do work in progress posts for them, and I don’t know when I’ll have any new writing to share since in between work and the holidays, I haven’t had much time to sit down with anything since my last chapter update. And I've been feeling very... stingy, lately. Especially when it comes to mine and other people's writing. So take this WIP/Year In Review as my offering. Both these series, as am I, are all very much still works in progress. 

I confined my reflections for this year below the cut. If you don’t want to read my long-ass essays, you can admire the pictures, maybe check out my fic, or just move along and have yourself a lovely day.

We’ll start with the easy one.

VP

After at least a year of multiple playthroughs (I’ve played all the lifepaths, done all the endings), it only occurred to me at the beginning of this year to start taking VP. Part of the reason I never did before was because I didn’t realize it was a thing and then by the time I did, I figured I didn’t have much to offer. I play on PS5 and only have access to vanilla photomode, so seeing everyone else’s high-fidelity, ultra ray-tracing, modded, posed, full on virtual photo shoot photos, I was like there’s no way. (Not that I’m hating on PC modders, it’s just not everyone has access to mods or a PC capable of running the game, and I’m all for making art and creative endeavors accessible.) On top of that, all I’d ever heard from most other folks was how much vanilla photomode sucked. In the glamorous world of VP, I didn’t think there was any room for me.

But I started snapping pics anyway. And sure, there are a lot of limitations with vanilla photomode. But what that really translates to is opportunities to get creative. I am also a hoe for subverting people’s expectations, and very much believe when there’s a will, there’s a way.

Environmental and landscape shots were my first subjects before I started branching out into portraits and then capturing story moments. Through VP I found an entirely new way to enjoy a game that I’d already played a ridiculous number of times along with also finally being brave enough to share my V with other people too. I’d always worried about that before, if people would like her. Granted, I know Grandpa’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but whether you like her or not, I certainly think she’s made a name for herself over the past few months. Even if most people haven’t really gotten to know her the way I’d hoped. 

I’ve taken hundreds of photos this past year. Most of which I’ll never share. There’s a lot of flops, a lot of weird experiments, ones that didn’t quite turn out the way I’d hoped, but I’ve learned something from every single one of them. I know how to spot good lighting, frame shots to create optical illusions, get a very limited toolkit to work in my favor, parkoured on all of the things, and heck, I even figured out how to make Grandpa smooch other NPCs. I’ve done atmospheric, mundane, down right goofy, as well as things that most people probably thought weren’t fucking possible.

I can’t say how long I’ll keep doing this, I’m sure I’ll move on at some point, but for now I’m still enjoying myself. There's a lot to explore in this game and I just can’t stop digging Night City.

Now, for the more complicated thing.

Writing

So It Goes… My peace, my war, my greedy and most ravenous of ghosts.

I’m operating under the assumption that most people following me here probably haven't read my fic or aren’t all that interested in reading it to begin with. It’s fine. But you need to understand this fic, my writing, is the main thing that brought me here. This is also Grandpa V’s story. Most of you have met her, but unless you've been reading, most of you do not know her.

I wrote around 185,000 words and posted 10 chapters this year. 2022 was about 253,000 words and 30 chapters, along with several unrelated one shots. However, I don’t think I’ve done a single chapter this year that was less then 10k, and my longest managed to hit 27k. As of the last update I posted, the fic is currently sitting at around 439k words, 40 chapters, and still isn’t done.

I have four more chapters to write. I have written a metric shit ton of words. This is, by far, the longest and most intense creative project I’ve ever endeavored to complete.

When I started writing, I was expecting this fic to be around 100-150k. That seemed to be the average for most long fics. I did not plan on being an outlier. I'm not sure you can ever really plan for that, but I guess I enjoy subverting my own expectations too.

For those of you who are reading my fic, it is my sincerest hope that it shatters every expectation of where you think it’s going. It’s not a joke that I tagged my fic “#an ode to my tinfoil hat”. An ode it has turned out to be. I’ve been sitting on this theory for two years. I have told no one about it. I hope it sticks the landing and hits the way I want it to. I don't know if it will. But fuck, I just want to be done with it so I can move on with my life, take a break, and give myself the opportunity to make and focus on other things before I have to get back on the damn horse.

I wrote less this past year then I did in 2022. I had a lot of life changes, most of which were good, but with times of change come times of adjustment. Along with some realizations that maybe you don’t understand as much as you thought you did. Looking back, I’ve been in a state of unsettled, kuzushi, for a really long time. Which is not a good place to be. It’s how your ass ends up on the ground with a knee knocking out all your teeth. I thought I knew better. Thought I had enough practice to get away from it. But bad habits have good memories.

I think given the circumstances, I accomplished a lot with my writing this year. I don’t know if my writing is exactly where I want it to be. I doubt it every will be, but it’s evolved, grown, and I wrote a pretty hefty stack of words considering I started working full-time again, bought a house with my partner, moved, and have been dealing with the millions of other beans that life tends to throw one’s way. That being said, and for full disclosure, I’ve also been dealing with some of the worst cases of jealousy and envy I’ve had since I was a teenager. 

Frankly, it sucks. They walk with me every fucking where I go, hold my hands to whisper back all my doubts. Try to persuade me to my baser instincts, to be cruel and lash out. But that's not aikido. Luckily, I’m not 16 anymore so it’s at least been easier for me to identify the problem. Though I’m still coming up short in terms of actually being able to do anything about it, and will be for at least a few months more. 

Yeah, I keep talking about it because I don’t know how many people know that I've been feeling this way. And I’m tired of not talking about it in a room full of creatives, because yeah, I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. And not talking about it just makes all that pent up resentment worse for everyone.

Don’t get me wrong, I love writing. But with the way I work and think, it’s a slow, tedious, and incredibly time-consuming art. With how much my fic has snowballed over the course of writing, it’s left very little room for the other hobbies in my life. And as my fellow writers probably already know, writing is an incredibly insular craft. And unlike a picture or an image, which only requires a glance, reading a bunch of words requires time and commitment.

So, when you put yourself out there and share what you wrote, it’s a lonely feeling not knowing whether or not anyone connected with what you put on the page. Especially, when the people who do read aren’t compelled to voice anything and when the people you’d hope would read don’t. And then you're stuck in the dark, not knowing, because neither of us says a goddamn thing.

I started writing this fic prior to actually joining the CP2077 fandom. And I joined the fandom because I felt alone. I’ve been here a while now, albeit in a few different places, and that feeling still hasn’t gone away. I’m still trying to find camaraderie with my fellow writers and carve out something that kinda sort of resembles a home or a sense of community. I watch my peers around me as they seem to build that with each other, except me.

I’m envious of the things that people make and jealous of the relationships those have created and fostered between said people, because for the life of me, it’s been a struggle to cultivate that since I got here. I know it’s selfish, but I also don’t know what about me makes people so hesitant. There have been a handful of strangers that have shown up for me regularly, but as far as people I call friends in this fandom that have shown up and actually stuck around, I can only name one right now. (I know we're all busy. And I acknowledge my writing's not for everyone. I know maybe some of you are quiet, or shy, or probably a thousand other things. I get it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less. People will never know unless you say. Never know unless you take the time to interact or engage. Be brave. And that's true for a lot of things.)

The propensity is for the negative to outweigh the positive. I've got a lot of numbers on my fic, so you would think things would be fine, but at this point they just feel empty. They don't bring me any comfort or real satisfaction. And I hate feeling like the people I know don’t care and that most of you are just talking around me. That I’m some kind of annoyance not fit to interact with. Which may or may not be the case. I don’t know. Again, most of you have never said anything. And maybe I need to accept the fact that most of you never will.

But this is me trying to start conversation.

It’s really shitty, knowing that the thing I want the most is also the thing holding me back. I know how to work on it too, not that it’s any guarantee. The problem is I’m still writing and in a needy state of greed. And because I’m slow, I don’t have the time or the energy to be generous. I can only take right now. I can’t give. 

Relationships require both.

I can’t bring myself to read other people’s writing. I can’t comment, or like, or share if I haven’t read anything. I'm desperate for conversation, but I also don't have the time or assurance to facilitate it with other people right now. And for some reason people never seem to want to talk to me, especially when it comes to writing. I want to be part of conversations, talk deeply with other people. But I can’t speak right now, I'm not in a place to offer generosity without someone first giving it to me.

And generosity and grace is what we all need.

Four more chapters and I hope my ghosts will finally let me read in peace.

#cyberpunk 2077 #2023 year in review #year in review #virtual photography #writing #from the top #fic: so it goes #long post #i can't guarantee a safe space but i can guarantee a brave space #if anyone's been feeling similarly and wants to talk about it my dms are open #the door's always open

[usedpidemo]

Update - 2nd year anniversary! (plus a reflection, and future plans).

Hi everyone! π here.

Today, May 13th, is the day I officially opened up this blog and began writing degenerate and immoral stories! 2 fucking years have passed, how time flies. So much can change in a year, and so do some of the stats!

First work: Sandwich - Red Velvet Wendy (published 05/13/21, 4:03 a.m.)

Highest note count: Awards after-party affair - Itzy Yuna (published 10/23/22, 1167 notes)

Number of works published: 80 fics (1 fic every 9.1 days)

500 followers: June 18, 2021 (36 days or 1 month, 5 days)

1,000 followers: October 12, 2021 (152 days or 4 months, 30 days)

2,000 followers: June 18, 2022 (401 days or 1 year, 1 month, and 5 days)

3,000 followers: November 12, 2022 (548 days or 1 year, 5 months, and 30 days)

Follower count: 3,953 followers (5.4 followers a day)

I wish I had something awesome lined up to celebrate this milestone, but I don't have anything prepared XD I've been busy and lazy at the same time. (Is that even possible?)

Actually, yeah, I do have a whole week's worth of cool things lined up this week! If I can even follow through with this one...

Monday: AMA

Tuesday: Reader Poll

Wednesday: ???

Thursday: ???

Friday: ???

I don't want to make the fun section of the update elaborately long, so I just want to say thank you so much to everyone for the support! Even though I'm not as active or as productive as I used to be, your eagerness never wavered, and you guys enjoy me talking about random shit on the side, whether it be song lyrics, Pokémon, or literally posts without any context to them. I love you guys. Here's to another year 🧡

Everything else from this point is a brief reflection and introspection of what I've been feeling since then. You can ignore this if you wish to do so.

So today marks the second anniversary since I opened up this Tumblr and became a degenerate writer. The work I've been putting up is getting worse—in a sexual and filthy way, not objectively—and my mental health has been getter much, much better! When I made the same anniversary post around this time a year ago, I was at an all-time low, mentally speaking. I really felt like I had not much left to give at that point, my skill has stagnated, and I thought there wasn't much for me to improve on. If you asked me if I had any future plans for this blog, I'd say I'd be done by the end of 2022, if not sooner.

It's now 2023, and I believe I'm as good as I can be right now. Slumps happen for a reason, and you can't always win, but it's how you bounce back from the lowest of lows that you reach highest of highs. And I believe I can still get better.

Genuinely, not to sound arrogant, because Lord knows I'm not the best fanfic writer—fuck no—I'm not anywhere close, even in a theoretical top 1000 list, but I do think some of my finest work have come up in my most recent fics. I don't know, it feels more polished and there was more effort and deliberation put into it. The numbers don't lie, either; every single work I published since May 2022 has over 400+ notes, and I've even passed the 1000+ note barrier twice! It goes to show that you guys are enjoying what I'm putting out as much as I love making them, slow and difficult it may be. I can fondly smile at last year's additions to my masterlist and say, "I can't believe I did that."

I do want to apologize if my output rate has drastically slowed down, and if I'm not as active as I was before. It's unfortunately part of the sacrifice needed for better quality control, and also because I have more personal commitments to attend to. 2023 has been fantastic for me so far in almost every department, except maybe physically—I could use more exercise—but that can be worked upon.

I do believe I'm on borrowed time. Again, look at the gap between fics over the past six months ago, and it's only going to widen once I enter my third year of college. I also have to begin considering what hobbies and other things I should do to occupy my free time, so I can be more productive as a person. This isn't to say I'm definitely quitting, but I expect more responsibilities to be shouldered onto me in the future, and having time for myself is going to be pretty much a birthday gift with how rare it might be given, and I'd prefer spending my time off recharging and relaxing instead of stressing over inconsequential or 'fun' things.

There's a lot of people I want to thank specifically, because while I was struggling with my own personal battles, they've been encouraging me to continue fighting and have been absolute lads—and lasses—throughout the past year. When I needed someone to talk to that wasn't my therapist, they were there, and I took solace in their comfort and companionship. I can't tag you guys, but if you're reading this—Chunk, Raf, Peach, Aaron, Sol, V1n, Iz, Ddeun, C.o, Kaede, Frisky, Smite, Shaun, Sins, Jett, Eros, Prael, Ken, Cray, CJ, Sooya, Gray, Svn—I sincerely thank you. God bless each and every single one of you. And to Tim, I really hope you can see this, but I'm truly, truly sorry. I hope we can find a way to bury that fracture in our relationship in the past, and we can reconcile. If not, then I just want closure and peace for the both of us.

So in closing, I want to thank you so much for sticking with me through the bad times and prospering with me through the good, and I'm always humbled that you've taken a chance on me when I started, when I was a hopeful newbie, two years ago. Now here we are. I appreciate every single one of you, be it a fellow writer, a reader, or a lurker.

With grace,

Peter / π

#update #anniversary

[jenbobbyy]

hey if youre still doing hcs could you do specimen 12/old man pls?

INHALES. okay. i dont even know where to start

old man. for convenience im just gonna call him OM for the rest of this because i refuse to call him stanley. stanley is a SPECIFIC name that can only be given to SPECIFIC people with a SPECIFIC voice commanding their actions

looking at the wiki he's described as middle aged... maybe early 50s-early 60s?

youtube has been around for about 15 years and it probably started out as a hobby when he was in his 40s. although he never gained THAT much traction he was probably a niche exploration channel with a little following that dwindled over the years

the guy has a past in professional climbing but urban exploration was a prominent side hobby and interest for him so!!!

most of his notes as the vlogger victim are weirdly calm? i doubt he had much experience in paranormal prior but i guess if you're an urban explorer you're used to places being pretty nasty the further you go

he definitely encountered the specimen (since they're referenced in pretty much every other victim's notes and it's described that he went through specimen areas) but the fact that he never mentions them in his notes is interesting (i guess all these horrors beyond comprehension all equate to an 'uneasy vibe'). there's a lot of persona involved in vlogging so in refraining from actually mentioning any wounds or monsters he's encountered OM is masking the fear he has. he wants to let everyone know 'hey!!! hey im okay and managing!!'

i think the prospect of having an audience might have left him at least a little comforted. he probably found other lines of notes at the time and took solace in the concept of people knowing he's alive and moving (even if they don't know him personally)

i still hate the fact that his writing patterns completely change between specimen 12 and endless mode hallways but i get that if he was going 'hey guys. erm, so THAT just happened.' it would ruin suspense from a gameplay point of view so. I'll let that slide :/

he's been in for a few months and by the time the protagonist meets him, he's not COMPLETELY gone. specimen 12's weird parasitic nature relies on the prior host's death, and in parrying axe attacks he still has some kind of self preservation. but he definitely doesn't remember who he is or why he's there. 12 isn't exactly fully possessing but is more of a mindfuck like foodie and bab that mess with perception and mental state. it controls but doesn't invade

in OG OM was voiced by vernon shaw (hot pepper gaming). altho this was changed as well as the chillis being removed from specimen 12 in HD, the concept of specimen 12 being so deathly and terrible that only incredibly spicy and near-toxic food being able to grow in it is funny. no wonder he sounds like that.

as to further agitate hosts into murder, 12 doesn't actually generate any food. luckily, OM isn't a cannibal host and lives off of whatever he can grow down in the basement and any dead rats or (god forbid) specimen 3 carcasses that are around. If it wasn't for the strength given to him around 12 he would have died in a week

being an extrovert and feeding from that concept of an audience, being alone has had a massive toll on his mental state. this probably made him a more desirable host for 12 - if he's craving conversation and people then having voices and mirages impact his perception would definitely fuck him up enough to give in to kill. i don't usually take common headcanon names into account but people calling 12 'parry' gave me the idea of the spirits of 12 manifesting in visions as a singular being (although this vision is different to every host) in an attempt to aid with the host sympathising and agreeing with it.......

the entire hide-and-seek style game he creates for the protagonist - as well as sparked on by the protag being someone much younger than the typical victim (ILL WRITE MY PROTAG HCS IF ASKED.....) - is a reflection of him stalling to kill in order to entertain himself and 'entertain' his victim. if it weren't for his longing for human contact he'd probably kill straight off-the-bat but the opportunity to fulfill the gap for a short amount of time is open and sought-after.

despite this, there's a mutual separation between him and other specimen. he's not seen as a nuisance alike specimen 14 as he doesn't openly attack the others but is still a missed opportunity and not particularly wanted by anyone. most of the time he remains in specimen 12 but OM will venture out (on occasion) to specimen 13's rooms. his ONE good specimen relationship!!!

ok. POST BAD-END HCS.

fumbling their way thru the mansion would likely lead 14 to again meet OM at some point. 14 being hit with the SPECIMEN BEAM definitely enhanced their strength at least enough to kill and swing that axe more effectively. in anycase, if the two were to fight and OM almost loses, the clarity given through his self preservation is enough to at least make him aware that

1. He's being beat the shit out of by a teenager

2. He's attempting to kill the only other person in a similar situation to him

speaking OF that, the parallels within sjsm of the protag and [i guess ex-protag] seem to be everywhere when it comes to OM.

posters

sprinting mechanics

garden tool weapon in 500

him recovering (or getting worse depending on how you see it) by mentoring and helping 14 survive within the mansion is always a concept i thought of given they're both humans who have (somewhat) made it through. he'd definitely have more of a drive to live on (and kill the enterers b4 they could kill him)

i had the idea that if 12 is constantly expanding and shifting through the mansion then OM and 14 could take advantage of that and start actually growing stuff.... making a little survivors camp and plotting.

anyways. those are my old man headcanons. I have absolutely taken canon and stabbed it 30 times but the concept of an ex protag is so cool

UNDERRATED CHARACTER. OLD MAN FANS WHERE ARE YOU?!

the scar i draw on him is from the fight with 14.......................

#specimen 12 #insane headcanoning #hcs #sjsm #spookys jumpscare mansion #spooky's jumpscare mansion #old man #shojs #shoj #spookys house of jumpscares #spooky's house of jumpscares #specimen 4 #specimen 14 #specimen 6 #specimen 8

[space-blue]

20 questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @pinkytoothlesso11 Thank you! This is a long one, but very interesting well rounded questions for fic writers. I'll tag: @spicedrobot @skierunner @ashcroft-writes @kitepiper @calyxgold @ceruleanphoenix7 -- Not obligated to do this, just thought it may be fun!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

165

2. What's your total A03 word count?

664,619 words

3. What fandom's do you write for?

Star Wars (75+), Arcane (46), Original works (13), Avatar (12), Elden Ring (5), a couple "fairytale" fandoms (red riding hood retellings), and then a bunch of single works. I'm kinda spicy over the fact I have a single work in Hannibal, when it was me uploading a story a day for my first Nano. Ended up doing it all in one work to not have 30 stories, but I should have made a series. Many readers never made it to the end of that fic due to the absence of structure and--- I'm rambling.... (It should really say Hannibal (30))

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Fathers and Daughters

Never Too Late

Then the dreadful night shall break

Five is an awful number

While the world turns around

2 star wars fics, 2 arcane and 1 avatar? It's a good representation of my work!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always, unless they're turbo dumb and I'm at a loss for words... Or they somehow slip past me.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Eeeh, tough one! I like angst... There's an entire series I completed over the course of a month. The idea came from a redditor who made a collection for it : we had to kill the same character in a different manner every month. 12 death fics... For Obi-Wan Kenobi. I think the more gruesome one is Unhappy Landing. Mind the tags.

But I think it's on equal footing with the Arcane fic Whatever I Do, This Is Where We End which focused on a Silco/Vander timeloop, where Silco was the one in the loop, but Vander was the POV character the entire time. No happy ending and many, many deaths which grow increasingly meaningless.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I have a lot of those so not sure... But narrative wise, I think it's Never Too Late, which is reflected in its stats. It's about Obi-Wan reaching out to Dooku after QGJ's death. It's emotional and basically guarantees Anakin will have a bright future in better care. I have sooo many comments asking for more on it, almost as many as on my fallen Kenobi fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Sometimes... When some disease breaks down my immune defenses... It's not very good though. I'm the wrong kind of ace for it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have, as a gimmick, like Arcane characters in a Star Wars setting... But I never think of it, and I basically never read crossovers. They're not my thing.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. It has happened to my art though.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, though nobody ever rode the length of the work with me ahah!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, multiple times! That's stuff I really enjoy! I've done a Thrawn/Cad Bane with Spicedrobot, and an infamously hated Codywan fic with CollisionTheory... both featuring smut! I also did projects like 3 writers doing different entries within an overarching story (when i tried to wrangle friends into the kill your darlings all year scheme). Collabs are very fun, I especially like working with artists. If you want to work on something hit me up!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Vander/Silco, maybe, but Hannigram is breathing down my neck...

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh no... too many to count. I guess my first fic ever, The Tactician. I went on a never ending 'this is just a side thing because I'm in a rut' spiral, and now I have 165 fics. IIRC I have about 24 WIPs on AO3.

PLEASE DON'T HURT ME I'M TRYIN OKK??

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and banter.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Smut and romance, and also sometimes killing my darlings (not characters, but pieces of heavy lore my betas are trying to rip from my sticky fingers because they don't care).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I have done it only in fake alien languages, never received any praise for it, don't plan on doing it again. Real life language... eeeh not unless I have a really good reason for it somehow.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Wars. Thrawn... the Original blue daddy!

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

It would have to be my magnum opus, Fathers and Daughters. Not just because I think it's the pinnacle of my worst brainrot ever, but also because I'm forever impressed with myself for holding on that long. Sometimes I re-read it and can't remember writing half of it. I've made myself snicker at my own jokes, so I think I've done a good job of it!

But in my heart of hearts, there's one chapter of that long series of Hannibal ficlet which somehow is one of the pieces of writing I'm smugest about. I just think it's so neat... It's called To Visit Her, it's 222 words, and depicts Hannibal's mind palace, and its innermost chamber. I genuinely think I peaked years ago with some of those ficlets x'D

#fanfic #ao3 #tag game #fanfic tag game #writer #star wars #arcane #hannibal #avatar #long post #text post

[reiverreturns]

[20 Question Fic Writer Tag]

Tagged by my darling @milfeivor. I may not have written consistently in months but BOY do I like talking about it.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Twelve

2. What is your AO3 word count?

122,303

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Well I'm not writing much at all at the moment (bad menty health innit) but over the last year it's been pretty much entirely Top Gun Maverick, with some Assassin's Creed in the background just for funsies

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Quiet Promises (TGM) - 418

For Those We Left Behind  (ACV) - 383

Calefaction (TGM) - 292

Attrition (ACV) - 225

When We Collide (We Come Together) (TGM) - 184

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond to every comment I get because I think it's common courtesy when someone's taken the time and effort to leave one. I'm a little bit out of practice though (kiss kiss kiss grovel grovel grovel @ those left on read in my inbox)

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Blessed Are The Meek (FC5) maybe? A canon-compliant character study of Jacob Seed and his fucked up cult family has no iteration where things turn out well in the end.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I don't know actually - maybe Quiet Promises because I just really enjoy that ending and it's one of the only bits of published fic I've written I can reread and not want to edit more. If I ever finished writing the last chapter of Swim Until You Can't See Land it would probably be that but I'm just so very very lazy.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I had a tumblr anon one give me shit for not putting icemav in a fic but it was so fuckin weird to get I just deleted the ask. My brother/sister/comrade in christ I am the most niche rarepair stay-in-my-lane kind of fic writer. I am not a popular author in any fandom I write in. Why on earth would you think I care.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I try to write smut once a year when Eurovision sends me into my annual bisexual frenzy. It's not very good (my smut, not Eurovision)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Short answer is no. Long answer is no with the exception of a Pacific Rim/Assassin's Creed crossover which I keep as a never-to-publish deliriously self-indulgent writing exercise to dip into when I don't feel like being perceived through words. I've got a whole Hytham/Jacob thing going that I'm fucking feral for which is soooooooo big brained of me imo.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of. I've read fics before where I can pick up a clear influence from my work on theirs but nothing like a straight up copy + paste.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nah. I've considered translating my own fics into Scots but it feels like a lot of effort for the sprinkle of folks who might read it.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No but I wouldn't be against it. I did a lot of rp writing back in the day with OCs and I really liked the collaborative aspect of it.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I don't pick favourites I love all my insane children equally. I will say most ships I gravitate towards have a doomed by the narrative / love doesn't conquer all but it's enough in the moment kind of dynamic and I can trace that back to some of my early favourites (Ten/Rose, Merthur) to now (Kassidas, Eivor/Vili, RebelCaptain, so on)

15. What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever will?

For Those We Left Behind. I have a lot of love for that fic but it is very reflective of the time in my life when I started writing it (bouncing off the walls bored out my tits under lockdown.) Lots of enthusiasm and energy to pour into it but little patience or planning. I look back on it as an unwieldy, rambly thing. I still do pick at it (and want to keep updating) but if we're honest I don't think I'll ever quite reach the finish line beyond the pieces that are already firmed up in my head.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I can turn a tasty metaphor on occasion. I tend to think I have a strong handle on the characters I write the perspective of and put a lot of effort into making them feel true and honest to the source material.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot - there's a reason why I tend to write canon compliant/canon adjacent and it's because it gives me the bones of the canon to work from. Pacing is a perpetual struggle. My attempts at smut are laughable.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If it's done to serve a narrative purpose and/or show something about a character, sure why not. Absolutely abhor written out accents though (unless, again, for a very specific narrative/character purpose.)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter and Stargate. There's probably still some 12/13 year-old Reiver fic floating around in the internet ether that I hope no one is ever subjected to again.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I honestly don't have one - everything I've published I've loved at one point or another for a variety of reasons. Gun to my head I'll say Quiet Promises because I think it's one of the highest quality fics in my catalogue from an editing, pacing, and character perspective. Writing isn't about the technical skill to me though, it's about how it makes me feel and the audience feel, so no favourites here.

Tagging is still dogshit on desktop so consider this an open tag to anyone who wants to do it (but @ me I'm so nosy and want to read the responses)

#thanks for tagging me ky <3 #tag games #reiverwrites

[faelune-home]

FFXIVWrite 2022 Masterpost

A new year, new lore. I’m starting completely fresh with my miqo Fhara and I’m gonna use this year’s Write as a testing ground for the bits I did come up with before hand, and as a way to flesh out and come up with other new bits.

It’s kinda weird to start over, especially with all the previous writings I already did with references to the old lore, but I think I’d be better with a fresh slate. Mostly. Some of the older works I might be able to carry over if they didn’t feature much of the old lore or if they can be mildly re-written to fit new stuff. Idk yet how I’ll manage the sorting after the month is over, but we’ll see when we get there. Anything that didn’t feature old lore will be easy enough.

In a way, I can at least use the older works as practise, setting up Fhara’s basic character and her relations with the other Scions and characters. Some tiny few things might change but nothing so egregious to call her a different person.

But for the readers of this month, its just the month’s works you need to worry about ^^ If I do reference an older work, it’ll be cos it fits in without needing to be changed.

Some of these might have titles if I can think of one that fits, others might not, we’ll see how it goes.

1. Cross: Crossing the Threshold (20 years ago, a keeper couple arrive at the Shroud seeking a new home; 20 years later, their full grown daughter sets off for adventure) 2. Bolt (Working under the watchful eye of the Weaver guildmaster) 3. Temper: Compromise (Alphinaud’s thoughts on Ishgard’s negociation stance and matters of diplomacy) 6. Onerous: Crawling Home (Set after 4.55, Fhara returns home to rest and recover after everything that happened) 8. Tepid (After the venture into the Second Coil, Alisaie and Fhara talk about loved ones lost) 9. Yawn (Exploring the Gubal Library for information, the twins find a tidbit that leads to pondering ‘what if’) 10. Channel: Tumbles and Scrapes (A family day out with a clumsy little child) 12. Miss the Boat (Set in early HW. A walk and a chat shared between Aymeric and Fhara) 13. Confluence (Set by the end of 3.1. Fhara supports Aymeric after the havoc of the Vault events) 14. Attrition (Non-canon, spicy. A very quick, ‘private meeting’ in his office) 15. Row: Crisis of Faith (Set before 3.3, a talk on the weight of realisation on the massive undertaking of an entire history and its intertwinings with faith) 16. Deiform (Storming Ala Mhigo, Aymeric finds Fhara a sight to behold as she rescues their struggling contingent) 17. Novel: Maybe (Set during 5.4, the brief encounter with Aymeric, and the slow realisation of fading affections) 5. Cutting Corners (Fhara’s mother deals with an unhappy customer) 19. Turn a Blind Eye (Mother and daughter discuss tensions in the Leveilleur household as graduation approaches) 21. Solution: Shoulder-to-Shoulder (The Scions ladies show each Fhara their support before tackling the Tower of Zot) 22. Veracity: Pastry Plunder (Alisaie is on the hunt for a thief amongst the Students or Scions) 23. Pitch (Vaguely set between 3.2 and 3.3, Fhara and Alphinaud go out camping) 24. Vicissitudes (Set after Endw, Fhara’s mother reflects on how much her daughter has grown) 7. Pawn (Alisaie learns how diligent Alphinaud is at evaluating and learning from past battles) 26. Break a Leg (Fhara practises her dancing in the Ruby Sea) 27. Hail (Estinien and Ysayle share a conversation as they traverse the Mists and approach their destination) 28. Vainglory (Alphinaud wishes to avoid the nightmares in the aftermath of his failings) 29. Fuse: Arm’s Length (Estinien is keeping his distance from a certain someone, Fhara notices) 30. Sojourn (The guild’s lodgings are going to be home for Fhara, for however long)

#ffxivwrite #ffxivwrite2022 #my writing #masterpost #keeper of the moon miqo'te #my wol #fhara laali

[starlit-dreaming]

[20] in the back of my mind

Fandom: WMMAP Rating: G Ship: Eventual Lucathy, Felily, Calena, and more Note: the Twin Sibling AU that i tried so hard not to write, but i DID, so naturally i have to call myself out for writing it. will be cross-posted on ao3 and wattpad under the same title

A/N: I made a mistake in earlier chapters regarding the ages. To fix this, I'm making the clarification that Ferdinand is 8 y/o while Charlotte's 9-10 y/o. I'll make the proper edits when I'm able to.

This chapter's a bonus of being almost 4k words as opposed to my usual 3k. I highly recommend reading this fic on ao3 instead of on Tumblr (under the same title and username) because the formatting's always a pain to deal with and doesn't accurately reflect how I want the story to be read.

Also, I'm thinking of making character profiles for everyone. I'll be posting them on my Tumblr, and there will be a spoiler and spoiler-free version of the profiles (information including sexuality, names of love interests, backstory on their history in "Toska", and whether or not they will end up in a romantic relationship with Athanase at one point (as in, actually having a courtship, but no mentions of being his endgame))

The spoiler-free version will simply say if the character has appeared yet, which chapter they show up in or will be expected to appear in (which isn’t very accurate as it varies on how the story progresses during the writing process), and basic information like their full name and age.

Granted, this will take a long time for me to even get started on, even if I don’t draw the characters (I’m thinking of maybe commissioning someone if I get too lazy to draw).

——————————

Arc 1: Beginning of the End 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

Arc 2: Of Princes and Villainesses 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | [20] | 21 | 22

Side Story: maybe, i’m afraid (verena/athanasios) 1 | 2

Summary:

He was pretty sure he transmigrated into a fanfic of [The Lovely Princess] — after all, he would’ve remembered if Princess Athanasia had a younger twin who died.

// A retelling of WMMAP with a vital difference — Athanasia has a younger twin brother.

——————————

20. no one believes in me except for you

——————————

Of all the people that had to be standing in on a personal conversation between Athan and Ver—Autumn, it just had to be Felix. If it was anyone else, Athan was confident that they'd be able to sell it as an inside joke with Autumn that helps him calm down from his overactive imagination, that it was just childish nonsense.

But Felix took part in being his caretaker for the past two years, and for him to be reliant on Autumn would be pretty suspicious. Autumn only entered his life a few months ago, and that wouldn't have been enough time for her to know how to help him in such a panicked state.

Granted, they could explain that it was a side effect from her saving him, but that sounds like a bad case of dependence.

If Athan didn't do anything, Felix might even suspect Autumn of manipulating him.

After all, it was suspicious that a little girl was capable of saving him from suffering the same way as his sister despite the fact that he was far away from the castle with his whereabouts unknown for hours. Even if Lucas was the one who did it, Autumn was considered his saviour.

He glances over to Autumn, who remains seated in a chair at his bedside. She was adamant in keeping her gaze down, and he knew better than anyone that her mind was racing with possible ideas.

A quick glance around the room was more than enough to know that it was only the three of them in the room and no one else. This place was vaguely familiar, and yet he knows that he's never seen this room before—

Wait, this room...

.

(It was very... bright, he thought with an inward grimace, gaze drawn to the windows that stretched from the ceiling to the floor, with its pink curtains drawn back with careless regard. Everything was very colourful, when he glances out the window and catches sight of the swaying field of flowers and the fluttering grass.)

.

He remembered parts of his dream with startling clarity, recalling the figure of a young maiden hidden by the white gauze curtains with blurred determination. The windows reached from nearly the top to bottom like his dream, but the curtains were a pale orange like the colour of a zinnia flower — a delicate flow and a gentle sight. It wasn't pink like his dream, and he didn't see any gaudy and overbearing sight of flowers...

.

("Truly, your [brother] indeed cares about your wellbeing, but there is a limit to his naïvety and wilful ignorance," he dryly comments, taking slow strides over to the armchair at the girl's bedside.

It was cold, as if no one had dared to sit and keep the bedridden lady company.)

.

And yet he was absolutely certain that this was the same room. A gaudy armchair was in the room, at the bedside and currently used by Autumn.

This was a room that was meant to be long forgotten.

...but for whom?

.

("For the day I [part] from this world, you will never truly forget me — you cannot, nor will I ever let you—")

.

"Where are we?"

The question brings a strange sort of dawning realization that he can't quite place, as if it were a word on the tip of his tongue. It was an inkling of who the maiden was — a young noble he must've met at the garden party his father hosted.

A lot of ladies approached his older sister while the opposite was true for himself, but only a small handful of girls had spoken to him directly from what he could remember. He couldn't think of anyone else.

They were also the only notable girls that the Original Athanasios interacted with.

Autumn, Charlotte "Lottie" Milford, and Irene "Iris" Nightingale.

So that was the question, really.

Between the three, who was the girl in his most recent memory?

Maybe it was because he noticed his impatience, Felix had answered promptly, "We arrived at Marquess Milford's Estate."

Really? It couldn't be that easy, could it? Charlotte was the girl he promised his love to? Well, it didn't seem too farfetched, did it? With Verena and Charlotte being against one another, it must've been an easy decision to be made once the Original Verena started showing her true colours. Charlotte had been the only girl who was willing to outright oppose her. Maybe the OG prince fell in love with Lottie's fierce personality?

It was very... strange how the memory of someone he once knew affected him like this.

.

(But then... what about Ijekiel?)

.

Felix was frowning, with his eyes slightly narrowed at Autumn just in a mere glance as he calmly and respectfully spoke to Athanase. "It was the closest place for Your Highness to rest after collapsing."

Ah, right...

It'd be nice if Felix would just accept that Autumn wasn't up to anything suspicious, but that would probably be a bit much, wouldn't it?

With how he kept shifting hesitant yet wary glances at Autumn, he definitely wasn't going to drop it...

And to make it worse, Athan collapsed.

. . .

Why the fuck did he even collapse in the first place?

"It's a relief that Your Highness, the Crown Prince, has woken up," Autumn stated in a gentle tone of voice, closing her eyes as she tilted her head low in a small bow as a sign of respect. 'You probably remembered something, but I really didn't think that this whole temporary amnesia trope would be this dramatic,' if she was frustrated by the inconvenience, she didn't let it show as she remained still with closed eyes. 'If anyone was supposed to get smacked dab with a temp amnesia trope, it would've been Ferdie for the divergence of surviving the Hunting Comp...'

'Well damn, thanks for the easy explanation, author,' he blinked, jewelled blue eyes staring at Felix. 'Autumn?'

'Yeah?'

'How much trust would you place in Felix?'

'Unless I became a supporter of former Emperor Anastasius, I trust him with my life. A full twelve on a scale of ten on being both trustworthy and hot. Trust-hottie, if you will. Duke Robain is a DILF, so naturally his son is also S-rank. I haven't worked out my tier lists for S, double S, and triple S-rank, but I'd say the Duke's a triple while His Majesty is a solo 'cause child neglect ain't sexy, and Sir Felix being a double S because he stepped up to the plate of being a caretaker when he didn't have to.'

And it was then that Athan deeply regretted his decision in asking Autumn for her opinion. It didn't matter that her confirming Felix's trustworthiness — among other things — was the solution to solving a landslide of their problems.

Like, really. How difficult is it for Autumn to stop bringing up DILFs when he never even asked about it to begin with?

'Why do you ask?' Autumn finally looked at him, a frown on her lips as she stared at him.

What aren't you telling me? That was the question written on Autumn's face as sharp blue eyes looked at him.

His hands trembled, clutching the bedsheets. He thought of the young maiden — er, well, Charlotte, he supposes — and how she sat still as though she were a corpse. It didn't help that her hands were cold, and she had pale skin, but he couldn't shake that image away from his mind. The feeling of her knuckles, her fingers, and the warmth she sapped from him still remained.

That was real, he knows this without a shred of doubt. While he knows nothing of what happened to lead up to that interaction, nor does he know the aftermath, but it was very clear what had happened.

She was dying from an incurable illness, and he could only sit by her side, keeping her company until the day she died.

He wasn't sure how he was going to save Charlotte.

'I'm gonna tell him.'

Autumn never mentioned anything about Charlotte dying, either. Maybe he was wrong about the maiden being Charlotte? What if the dying maiden was an adopted daughter — maybe even an illegitimate daughter? Wait, that was crazy talk. Was he actually accusing Marquess Milford of infidelity when he loathed his birth father for the same reason?

Still, even though he was pretty damn confident that it might've been Charlotte at this point, there just wasn't any guarantee.

So... maybe Felix would be able to help give him a little more room to work with.

'Hold the fuck up — you're gonna tell him that I think he's a trust-hottie?!'

Athan ignored his friend's moment ruining panicked thoughts and looked at Felix dead in the eyes:

"This isn't my first life."

Silence immediately followed after the statement was made. His heart pounds, his stomach churns — he feels... he feels nauseous, to say the least.

Everything felt... unpleasant.

.

("Well, maybe he should've kept his mouth shut," she grumbles.

He laughs, "You think so, too?"

. . .

He gets the impression that she smiles at him, and his cheeks burn and his heart flutters.

'Oh,' he thinks. 'Oh.')

.

Autumn was — well, she wasn't angry or horrified, but he heard absolutely nothing from her. She was frozen in place, dark pale — purple? No, it was definitely blue — eyes staring at him in stunned silence. Her lips paled, an indication that she was biting her bottom lip as her eyes anxiously flicker to Felix.

He could feel that the reveal to Felix had left her unsettled and upset.

.

(Or maybe it was him projecting onto her.)

.

Honestly, he understood her view of confiding in somebody else. There wasn't any reason for her to think that Felix would trust them. Hilise Inoaden from The Solitary Lady was a prime example of being considered a lunatic when she confided in her family regarding her time loops, and frankly that wasn't what he wanted as an end result. Unlike Hilise, Felix genuinely cared about him. On top of that, even though Athanase didn't necessarily want to die, but rather, he wanted to live comfortably and content.

In order for Felix to believe his words, he needed undeniable proof to show that he wasn't crazy.

And that proof was the existence of Jennette de Alger Obelia.

He opens his mouth, intent on saying her name, only to lose his voice as the image of the original Athanasia flashes through his mind, face red with tears staining a wretched face. It was an unsettling image, an older version of when Athy had cried when she woke up for a few minutes during her brush against death a few weeks back.

.

("I'm your daughter too, father.")

.

No, he couldn't. If he introduced Jennette, then wouldn't everything worsen? After all, that would only mean that he and his sister would be more likely to die early. Maybe Countess Rosalia would even try to frame him or his sister for poisoning Jennette before they're fifteen...

Everything was already changing, but Athan wasn't ready for that sort of problem in particular. Jennette entering their lives early would only alter the chain of events.

That would ruin everything and he knows it.

"I don't actually want to be at the Arlantan Hunting Competition. Frankly, it sounds like more trouble than it's worth to even go, even if I think learning how to wield a sword is pretty cool. You can dismiss it as a child's overactive imagination, or just me overthinking things, but I want to prevent a war between Arlanta and Obelia."

Felix stared at him with wide eyes. He was dumbfounded and speechless, which wasn't very surprising. How does anyone react when a little kid tells them that a war was going to happen?

'What are you doing?' He wasn't sure how, but Autumn managed to maintain a blank facial expression. 'He's never going to believe that.'

"Marquess Milford's true history, from living as a commoner to the actual reasons for the deaths of his sisters," he states. Felix jolts upon hearing that, his eyes snapping back to Athan. "The Countess Nightingale and the purpose of her family and the role they play for the imperial family despite providing nothing more than ambiance music. I even know the truth of why His Majesty's engagement to Lady Penelope Judith, the younger sister of Countess Rosalia Judith, was broken off."

Athan could tell that just from three sentences, Felix was unsettled by the fact that he knew more information about the things that no longer mattered to noble society or was the best kept secret within the imperial court. There was no way for Athan to know, and under normal circumstances, he wouldn't have known.

But, Athan had reread those 12 chapters Autumn had written for Toska countless times. Over and over again, to the point that he memorized the sequence of events and even remembered the names of side characters — including the ones mentioned only one time and the chapters they were brought up in.

He read the character sheets, the additional background, the side stories that had no direct involvement with the canon characters.

So Athan knew more than enough to convince him.

"Let's speak of Marquess Milford, as his story is less personal to the two of us. He grew up as a commoner until the deaths of his parents, in which his birth father had decided to lie and cover up the truth of his parentage in order to officially give him the Milford Family Name. He was never meant to inherit the noble title, as he had an older sister who was executed for angering the former tyrannical Emperor. It was an informal setting, given that he had killed her during a ball in the hallways. She had worn a dress and was unarmed, but if she fought back in any way, she would've been given a charge for treason and therefore get everyone in her family executed."

Nobody was supposed to know how the eldest of the Milfords had actually died. It was covered up as an assassination attempt against the former Emperor, and the former Milford Heiress had gotten caught in the crossfire...

Except, the youngest Milford had been a witness to the murder of her sister. She saw her sister die and was left traumatized.

.

(Like Ferdie, the youngest Milford, witnessing the death of Autumn's parents.

And just like his aunt, he lived to tell of it...

Not for long, of course.)

.

"So, the former Heiress was murdered, and the younger sister saw enough to be traumatized in the end, but she told her family before she died. It's the only reason why you and father trust Marquess Milford more than Countess Nightingale. You both ensured his loyalty by getting rid of the former Emperor."

Felix's mouth remained shut, his eyes trained on Athan with a sense of seriousness that he's never seen before in either lifetimes, and that included all the posts tagged with "Lovely Princess Felix" — not a single piece of fanart of a handsome and serious man.

Nevertheless, it was clear that Felix didn't know what to say, or perhaps he didn't know where to start.

Should he have started from the beginning? Or perhaps he should've given Felix some time to digest the information...

But if he didn't do things like this, then Felix would've dismissed it as a child repeating the things that he's heard before. After all, Marquess Milford's history could easily be found out by asking the right questions to the right people.

Would Countess Nightingale's history be enough to prove his words?

"How did Marquess Milford's younger sister die?"

That was the only thing Felix had asked for.

If he answered this wrong, Felix might assume that someone with a grudge against the Marquess had spilled all of this information.

But fortunately for him, he knew the answer.

"People say she killed herself," he tells him without missing a beat. "In actuality, she screamed the supposed "accusations" at one of the nobles' meetings, barging in there in place of her brother who had to leave for the Arlantan Hunting Competition as his family regularly attended as one of Obelia's Diplomats. She was thrown into a jail cell until the Marquess returned and was deemed to be mad from the grief of her sister's death. The family was pardoned, and she was found dead by hanging, but the Marquess believed that it was the former Emperor's scheme of painting his sister as crazy."

If anything, Felix didn't seem to be reassured by his answer.

"I believe you, Your Highness."

"You do?" Autumn blurts out, gasping out a squeak as she covers her mouth with her hand as if she had yet to say anything. "I beg your pardon, Sir Felix, but is it true?"

Felix nodded, frowning. "Everyone in noble society now thinks that Lady Lizbeth killed herself due to grief of Lady Ariella's death and was unable to bear with the knowledge that nobody believed her. While he isn't happy, Marquess Milford is happy that his younger sister is no longer considered a shame to the family name and that she's no longer seen as a madwoman. Seeing how close His Highness, Prince Athanasios, is with Marquess Milford, I'd imagine that it's possible they would have an honest conversation about such a thing years from now, given that it's still a sensitive topic for him."

Huh. That really was convenient. Well, it is a story that came to life, so it was only natural for the world to fill in the gaps.

Still, Felix believed that pretty easily...

Not that he's complaining.

"Father doesn't know, of course," he shifts, awkwardly adding to the conversation. "Autumn remembers too, and she would know more than me because she lived longer than me."

'Don't throw me under the bus!' she screeched in his mind. "You give me too much credit, Your Highness. I didn't live for nearly as long as you believe," Autumn shook her head, giving him a pointed stare. The switch between her mind and actuality were as jarring as ever. 'Verena died in the same year as Athanasios. Usually execution, other times suicide.'

"...Autumn?" Felix looked at Autumn curiously.

"Shit," he thought. 'Was that supposed to be a secret?'

"Well shit," Autumn sighed. 'I wanted to keep that a secret.'

Out of everything he's heard tonight, hearing two "children" swear had startled Felix the most.

——————————

Since he successfully convinced Felix, they were free to speak more openly around him. Of course, they had to wait until they returned to the castle since they would be staying at the estate for a few days until he regained his strength — Athan also didn't want a repeat of someone overhearing a conversation between him and Autumn, especially when he wasn't in his right mind...

Even though it would be better to share the information with Autumn, his dream was very personal.

.

("If this love is a curse, then I would gladly be scorned and burned in hell.")

.

Recalling his own words, he knew he had lived that very moment. He had felt anguish for his dying lover that it had brought him to physical tears when he awoke. He felt warmth in his heart, a fluttering warmth when she smiled just for him and him alone.

Athan knew a love between friends, a love so strong that they were family. He knew of a toxic love between two romantic partners — he's seen and read of it, he's lived through it even if he remembers nothing.

But he's never been in love, he was sure of it until now.

Love, he learns, is both a beautiful and ugly thing. It's painfully heart wrenching, it's rough around the edges, and it's filled with complications. But it's also delightful elation, it's easier to fall than expected, and it's... it's simple.

Athanase was in love with this girl at one point in his life, and now he's left with vague memories. It was as simple as that.

But why? Wasn't he curious? How did they fall in love? What made him fall to begin with?

.

("Would you leave me... if you saw the real me?"

. . .

"I don't know.")

.

He doesn't want to know.

.

(Oh, but he does.)

——————————

"Autumn was really surprised that you believed me," he admits into the quiet of the guest room, with Felix sitting in the armchair at his side. It was just the two of them this time. "She didn't think anyone else would — apart from her — and that's only because we both lived the same experience."

Felix stared at him for a moment, his gaze softening as his frown became more neutral. It wasn't quite a smile, but it could've been.

"You're not the type to lie for no reason, Your Highness," Felix stated. "And it does explain the close relationship Your Highness has with Lady Verena — Autumn. A lot of nobles believed that you are both infatuated with one another."

Athan immediately wrinkled his nose at the thought. "She's like a sister to me."

Felix hadn't responded to that right away, as if he were contemplating on whether or not he ought to say something.

"Pardon my asking, but when did Lady Autumn regain her... memories?"

"On the day of my collapse."

"I see..."

"We were both engaged and she wasn't a Saintess. Father didn't care about my sister and I, so he let us do as we pleased as long as we didn't bother him. From what I can remember, Lady Verena's love became a form of obsession which worsened our relationship. Now that we both... remember the past, that will no longer be an issue. She had a somewhat poor relationship with our peers in the past. It's why she wants to be called Autumn, and why she wants to show me that she's not the same person she used to be."

"Is that so?" Felix frowned. "That's... a bit concerning, Your Highness."

"I know, but Lady Verena is no longer the same person she once was," Athan stated. "After losing me, Autumn's trying to atone for the past."

It wasn't the most inaccurate lie he's ever said. Autumn was distraught and regretful after he died, and even now he could see traces of how desperate she wanted him to confide in her. Clearly, she thinks that it was her fault for not being there for him when he died, and so explains the reason why she's trying to make up for it.

"Does Her Highness, your sister, know about this?" Felix hesitated.

"Partially," he shook his head. "She knows about me, but not about Lady Verena."

"That certainly explains a bit. Perhaps you should talk to Crown Princess Athanasia? It seems that she doesn't wish to speak to Lady Autumn at all..."

"I can't force them to get along," he shook his head. "And she avoids me left and right for no good reason."

Felix is silent for a long moment, his face pale as if a horrid thought had come to mind.

"Please reconsider."

"What?" Athanase blinked, looking at Felix.

"Your Highness, please reconsider mending your relationship with Her Highness."

"Why are you suddenly insistent on this?" Athan blinked.

"I don't want history to repeat itself," Felix quietly stated. "Especially with Emperor Claude and Lady Diana's children."

'Oh,' he thinks. 'Oh.'

Felix didn't want a repeat of Anastasius and Claude.

Maybe that was the possible reason why Athanase died in Toska? He doesn't know how he died in his first life. Maybe Athanasia was the catalyst.

He had mixed feelings about that thought, in all honesty.

Maybe he'll talk to Autumn first...

#fic: in the back of my mind #wmmap #who made me a princess #wynter writes

[dribs-and-drabbles]

Random thoughts on Vice Versa ep 11

I should preface this by saying that I am making a distinction with my thoughts this week between the show's narrative choices (which I am quite disappointed with) and their design choices (which I have come to appreciate and I talk about in my other ep 11 post).

At first watch, this ep didn't have the impact I thought it was going to...and that is reflected in the fact that I only wrote about a quarter of the amount of notes during the ep as I had done with earlier eps. But let's go through them...(be aware, I do a lot of ranting, so take it all with a pinch of salt 😄 I still love the show despite my negativity here - I wrote this mainly on Sunday morning when my emotions were still high.)

The ep started strong, so strong. I had to pause immediately when the 'one day earlier' popped up. I thought, 'This is it! We get to hear/see what happened with the portkey stuff. We'll get to know more about Tess and Pakorn!' - HA! little did I know... Anyway, Jimmy was amazing in the ambulance. This time he woke up it was much better. And maybe he was trying to portray the difference between Puen waking up here and Pakorn waking up at the end of ep 10...but the latter didn't really work. Anyway, I thought it was super interesting that Pakorn 'drowned' for him and Puen to switch back...but then nothing came of it. No mention of it, no acknowledgement that it was how Talay had switched originally. That would have been a good parallel to explore more.

I was initially happy to learn that Pakorn did indeed experience what the 'lore' says -> he dreamed, he went to the location (the swimming pool) was accidentally punched, fell into the water unconscious, almost drowned, and then travelled back to his own universe. And that's why Puen travelled. BUT I am super annoyed that we didn't discover/weren't told whether a) Puen also dreamed the same time as Talay (i.e. are they really portkeys?!) or b) Tess dreamed the same time as Pakorn (i.e. are they portkeys or not?) Why, of all the things that happened in this ep, why was this not addressed?! This is one of the MAJOR plot points of the series - the universe hopping and the portkeys needed to hop back. WHY did we not learn these things?! (The show had better redeem itself by telling us this in ep 12).

Ok, now for something good...potentially the only thing mind you - I love how Puen and Talay have had all these different ways of communicating throughout the show -> the writing on the back, the mouthing of words, the messages on the helmets (maybe I've forgotten some)…and now Puen tells Talay his name by writing in the sand. I thought this was a wonderful continuation of a motif in the show. Oh why couldn't more of the ep have been like this...

And now back to the rant... I CANNOT believe Pakorn and Talay didn't take a moment to fill each other in on what had happened in the past two years. Damn if it had been me I wouldn't have let Pakorn go until I knew something. The same goes with Puen and Tess -> Puen had so much time and so many opportunities to just ask Tess what had been going on. BUT NOTHING! (Or it happened 'off-screen' and wasn't important enough to show it).

"Why did you give me an hourglass?" Thank you, Talay, for asking the question I did after ep 9… And the response was great but I don't see why they needed to wait until ep 11 to show it. "Though we're apart, we will meet again someday and spend time together once more. Just like this hourglass. It goes from one side to the other, like our universe-travelling". Yeah, makes sense...but what else? They didn't go anywhere with this idea...

But a month!? Talay was waiting for the low tide for a month?! Was that really necessary? Like, why couldn't a boat go over anyway even if the tide wasn't low? Isn't it better to be higher? Couldn't the time obstacle have been because Talay couldn't find a boat or someone to help? And I find it hard to believe that the Friend Credits group would have just accepted that Talay was awol for a month. We could have had more of them, being supportive and seeing their new dynamic with Pakorn back (and maybe Aou and Fuse crumbs!). Gah!

BUT Talay did get back to his own universe even though I hadn't expected it so soon in the ep...

What I was expecting (ok, half-expecting...hoping...) was that Talay's brother would be another cameo...or Puen's PA...or the dude in the bathroom (did he really need to be there? It seemed like an unnecessary interaction when Talay could have already had the cinema ticket)...or even Puen's co-star...I waited with bated breath each time one of these characters turned up only to be disappointed when we didn't even get that. (I know we got a cameo of Film - the producer...but that's not the same as another actor/actress like we've had before).

AND THEN GMMTV GAVE US THE SECOND FAKE-OUT IN AS MANY DAYS. First with the kiss that was just a fantasy in The Eclipse, and then with the hug that...was also a fantasy in Vice Versa. I want this 'trope' BANNED.

From the crumbs that we got, it seems like Tess actually is a terrible person and Pakorn should stay well away from him. But this makes me want to know even more what happened between Tess and the Friend Credits group when Tess returned - so. much. potential. WASTED. (Maybe we'll get this in ep 12...?)

I felt this ep fell back weakly onto the faen fatale trope - first with Puen's PA, then with Puen's co-star - it didn't need this jealousy 'I'm not good enough for him, he's obviously moved on' self-confidence issue. There could have been enough obstacles keeping Puen and Talay apart without this. We knew that Puen had been very proactive with trying to find Talay...so we could have had a montage of them both being proactive but always just missing each other because they were both looking too hard. Why couldn't Puen call Talay/Tess' phone every day? Why did Puen think a freaking POST-IT NOTE would be enough?! There could have been a myriad of things preventing their meeting -> Tess breaks his phone. Puen tells the PA to let Talay see him if he tries but the PA decides to do the opposite. Talay gets tickets to the premiere but gets prevented from going by outside forces. Puen goes to Talay's house just after Talay has left to go to the studio to see Puen...SO MANY OTHER CHOICES.

Yes, we got the "Ai'Dang". Yes we got the reunion in the glasshouse cafe. But at what cost? It felt like the show was trying to force this 'ending' and I wasn't even surprised when it came because it felt predictable and contrived. And now the show is hinting a return to the other universe…but what about their families? And friends? And careers? What about all the morality of this that they talked about for the past 10 eps? It just feels wrong, so I hope the preview is leading us on and that they won't actually switch...but I don't know anymore.

One thing that I feel prickly about already for ep 12 is the reference to the moon at the end of the preview -> "We finally get to see the same moon". What do they mean 'finally'? At what point have they not been able to see the same moon? Do they mean the same moon as in their original universe which they missed in the alternate universe? If so, why have they not mentioned this before (or have they and I've missed it)? Or do they separate for an extended period again (but why and how in one ep?! Do NOT have a time skip, please), each having a moment under different moons for this to make sense? Why have they not peppered references to the moon throughout the series to make this an important moment? I know there's been a picture of a moon in Tess' alternative universe apartment, and I noticed Puen also has one in his original universe apartment...but that's all. I honestly don't want to wait a week to be disappointed about this as well 😂

Okay, rant over. I do still love this show but I felt this ep could have been better narratively and still hit the same beats/plot points.

#vice versa #vice versa the series #vice versa ep 11 #look I know I said I only wrote about a quarter of what I would usually write in notes #and somehow I've managed to expand those notes into this behemoth #but I'm irked. this ep has irked me #it just...could have been so much better #and there's so much I didn't talk about here... #like talay just getting his job back and his friends just accepting him... #(I would have loved if talay would have accidentally called joe 'pramote' - that was perfectly set up by pakorn in the beginning) #the almost 6 minute scene with talay's mother and brother #(which lacked emotional impact because his relationship with them hadn't been established/set up enough beforehand... #...even though sea's acting was great...the scene kind of came from nowhere) #and all the freaking product placement which I can turn a blind eye to in scenes where they use it to help the narrative #(micellair my beloved. the choco cake scenes) #but this ep felt like they just plopped them in as additions #(the toothpaste scene?! the M card app?! the 4.5 minute lays ad at the end?!?!?!) #(FOUR AND A HALF MINUTES!!) #(and I know it's helping to pay for the eclipse but my god FOUR AND A HALF MINUTES!!! OF FRIVOLITY!!!! THAT DIDN'T DRIVE THE PLOT!!)

[paulagnewart]

Sonic the Oz-Hog Act 2/12: All My Friends are Echidnapped!

Sonic the Hedgehog issue 244 AU Publication Date: 20th February 2013 Price: $6.50

Back for more, eh? Unfortunately the time has come for a shocking second installment in these monthly musings of hedgehog history. Why? Maybe it's the masochist in me. Nostalgic pertinence? Stockholm Syndrome? Whichever way, reflecting on the past can be a merciless drug. Archie Sonic is long cancelled and unlikely to be of any further significance within my lifetime, so where lies the point of writing these posts nobody would rightfully read anyway?

Lunacy. Sheer lunacy.

If this is the result of two posts, part twelve will likely be DOA. When one considers the legacy of pointless shouting matches, ego stroking and litigations this comic suffered equally as it caused, giving it any thoughts beyond apoplectic is almost self-destructive. Still, if the book's vivid international history is to ever see the light of day again, guess I must make use of whatever avenues are at hand. Thus in the epic tradition of another 12-part pop culture event, if last month's introspective retrospective on Sonic Super Special 3 was a 'Nightmare Begins' scenario, then now comes a true 'Day of Armageddon'.

It's 20th February. Among the dwindling selection of comic books available across newsagents was a new high-speed hedgehog adventure. A multi-part story many moons in the making handled by a long-time writer which saw Knuckles take front and centre. With cameos from an echidna cast, he faced off against a powerful enemy destined to change the very future of Mobius. A story only superseded by immense publication turmoil that it left writer and editor scrambling by the seats of their pants, leading to a fanbase bitterly disappointed by its depressingly dour and rushed conclusion.

But we're not talking about issue 131. An incredible coincidence to be sure, but hardly a welcome one. Instead let's take a trip forward nine more years to that very same day in 2013.

The state of Australian politics were, as ever, chaotic. Julia Gillard, the nation's first female Prime Minister, was reaching the end of her turbulent three year term in the top job. Despite legislating sweeping changes to assist disabled citizens, better internet, student education and environmental protection, her conservative detractors were ruthless. Be it newspapers, radio or self-aggrandizing musicians, their demands to "burn the witch" were loud and clear, and none more so than misogynistic maestro and onion connoisseur Tony Abbott.

It wouldn't be an Aussie summer without bushfires, and true to form, early 2013 was plentiful. Records for hottest days previously set in January 1998 were smashed. Volunteer firefighters travelled the wide charred land to tame nature's chaos, resulting in multiple deaths. Thankfully the worst had already come to pass by this point as the extreme weather gradually wound down. A difficult recovery time began for many, but with hindsight on our sides, that summer paled compared to the sheer tragedy which awaited us come October.

Life that February wasn't all doom and gloom. Millions of viewers tuned in Channel 10 to watch our home teams weave their way to gold in the Sochi Olympics. Martin Scorsese's adaptation of 'The Wolf of Wall Street' was number one at the box office. Red Hot Chili Peppers led the charge for the 20th Big Day Out concert. Stone Music Festival swept the land later, spearheaded after a last-second venue shift by the triumphant return of Aerosmith, their first Aussie tour in over 20 years. And I suppose it's worth a mention how 'Harlem Shake' toppled P!nk and Nate Ruess' dominance of the charts for a grand total of… one week.

Baauer wasn't the only one left shaking. Upon conclusion of the 20th anniversary tale 'Genesis', a discontent among Archie Sonic readers began to seep across message boards. Questions and critiques over the book's direction, plus whether editorial or SEGA were responsible, became increasingly frequent topics of fiery debate. A sentiment which reached a peak by the time Sonic Universe's 'Scrambled' arc ran its course, ultimately spilling over to the BumbleKing Forums.

In response, Ian Flynn called an official "State of the Books" topic on 11th May 2012 for fans to civilly discuss their grievances. It's important to remember the fanbase was already running on knife's edge since certain litigations were announced back in July 2010, which intentionally or unintentionally influenced several commentators. Critiques over its 48 pages ranged from slowly erasing the Freedom Fighters in favour of game characters, a meandering plot going around in circles, Sonic himself being a boring hero, a lack of Knuckles, to forced melodrama and a constant string of depressing losses (complaints fans already aired to former writers a decade earlier. Oh, the more things change…). In spite of fan disagreements, civility won the day.

Which sadly could not be said when issue 244 was released. Once it became clear the story was hastily rewritten at the behest of Collen IP to remove legally contentious cast, forum members hit the roof in an intense 34 page debate. "Convoluted and convenient", "This. Development. Sucks!" and "Empty filler" were slung around. Nor was veteran artist Steven Butler spared, yet again heavily criticized for his page layouts and character proportions. One optimistic commentator opined "Why do i have a feeling that when issue 245 comes out everybody that was worrying a lot is going to wind up loving this arc?". A resolution they'd have to find elsewhere after the thread was locked.

"Where is everyone?" Knuckles yelled on the first page as he wandered into the abandoned wasteland of Albi-erm, echidna homeland. A good question, rad red. Perhaps they're all hung over after last night's Cliff Richard in Melbourne concert.

'Endangered Species' is Archie's ultimate Monkey's Paw story. The mind boggles how this same company who infamously toppled Dan DeCarlo and set creators rights back to the stone age ended up firing their own legal team. What should read like an Outhousers article is now part of Sonic's history. Yet for all the readers upset over cast culling, plenty more made it shamelessly clear they approved the move.

Page 11's "Now then -- to clean up the garbage." became a call to arms for fans sick of the series' expansive echidna cast. After 'Return to Angel Island' set the standard, they were poised, primed, ready for latter-era Archie Sonic to continue its indulgence in some permanent eth-chidna cleansing. No matter the character or relevance to the plot, "And nothing of value was lost" echoed across BumbleKing and beyond. A selfishly spiteful sentiment people steadfastly hold to this very day.

T(h)rash would be proud.

Next Time: Swing back to March 2001, a time where Sonic faced a foe far greater than any robo scientist or machine monkey could dare compare. The very real and deadly threat that was… mass unemployment? Had things behind the scenes truly gotten that bad for Riverdale's top-selling high-speed hero? Absolutely. But for Australia, it was Friday.

&lt; Previous | Index | Next >

#Sonic the Hedgehog #Archie Sonic #Sonic the Hedgehog Comics #Archie Comics #Comic Books #Ian Flynn #Steven Butler #Knuckles the Echidna #Echidna #BumbleKing #Australia #2013 #Musings

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

‪12/2/19, 7:20 PM ‬

(Five years ago now)

‪I guess this whole time it’s just kind of felt like, “what the fuck is point?” because I had a good life. I had a good support system. I had my mom, and my dad, and my sister, and my dog and I didn’t really care about anybody else. I used to feel like I had a best friend who understood me, but then she grew up and became a different person and stopped trying to understand me so she could start to understand herself. Which is fair, I guess. Except she stopped even asking me about me and started talking over me. It’s okay to dive deeper into yourself, as long as you don’t reflect that on the outside, too. As long as you share some air with people around you. ‬

‪Anyways. When it’s the holidays and everybody is home, I feel so full. Like I have everything I need. My mom takes care of us because she’s an angel and I really don’t have to do anything for myself besides basic grooming. She plans out our days. She feeds us. I tag along with whatever somebody else is doing. I don’t even have to fucking think for myself. ‬

‪And I know that’s wrong and I know I shouldn’t let her take care of me like that, but holy shit it feels so fucking good to be taken care of. I cannot stress enough how hard it is to even feed myself. I don’t know how everybody does it. I don’t know where they get the energy. ‬

‪And then I go back to my apartment and the ripped siding by my window scratches against my wall and keeps me up all night. There’s no coffee in the cupboard. There’s some food, but nothing good. Nothing I haven’t already made for myself a hundred times. When you’ve eaten the same thing a hundred times in a row, what’s even the point? I’d rather not even eat. Which I don’t. ‬

‪And then you also realize there’s no one around you to fill the silence. No one in the morning. No one to share the bathroom with. No one to accompany you on the ride to school. There’s people in your classes, but you feel alone anyways. ‬

‪I don’t like my friends. I don’t talk to my friends. And when I do, I feel deeply ashamed. When I do it’s just complaints and I hate myself more for complaining. ‬

‪I don’t see them outside of school because I want to push them away. My roommate is never home. We haven’t really spoken in three months and I’ve known her my entire life. We were so close last year. Now it’s just really quiet. Everything is so, so quiet. ‬

‪I feel like I’ve already lived a full life. The life I wanted. I don’t want to go off on my own anymore. I don’t want to fall in love because at this point I don’t think that exists for me. I can’t even keep a single friend that I like. ‬

‪I feel whole and real when I’m home with my family. Maybe not all the way full, but more than when I’m alone. I feel like I belong to something. And now we’re all getting old and my sister is in another state with her boyfriend and my dog will probably die soon. I haven’t known a father figure in my family that’s lived past sixty years old. Our house won’t always be there. ‬

‪What I’m afraid of most is the one person I really love leaving this earth. The one person who helped me through the hardest times in my life, who takes care of me without giving me reason to feel remorse. Who loves me unconditionally and will always love me unconditionally. My best friend in the entire world. I know she won’t be around forever. Being with her feels like being next to a ticking time bomb. That’s not fair to her. Though none of this is. ‬

‪I can pretend these wounds are healing with time and I can write about them a million more times but I don’t think this will ever change. Maybe in four days I’ll feel better for a little while again but what about after Christmas? What about next semester? What about after graduation? What about the rest of my life? ‬

‪Where does this leave me? When all of this is actually gone for good, what does that make me? Everything I love the most is so impermanent. And that’s so unfair. ‬

‪Each day takes me further and further away from the person I was. I know I wasn’t happy then either, but at least I was safe. At least I knew what was coming the next day and the next and I knew I’d never have to go through it alone. ‬

‪I just don’t know anymore. I just don’t know…

#from my notes #words #five years later #this one really hurt to reread #for so many reasons #poem #poetry

[blossom-to-be]

12/27/2023

I'm writing all of this down before the end of the year so I can set my intentions for the upcoming year. I want to have this to look back onto and hopefully be able to check everything off as completed.

I want to spend this next year bettering myself physically and mentally. I have made HUGE strides in the past few years with all of that but I know there is still so much more work to do.

I am a stay at home mom now. I am up and down off the ground and couch. Bending over and picking up constantly. I have a bad back but I know that a lot of that has to do with my weight. I am already making some strides with this. I am doing OatsOvernight to drink when I'm up at 7 and rely on that to keep me full through 12 or 1. This has been doable. The flavors are amazing and the selection is quite large so I think I can sustain this.

Currently, my back is acting up so I'm working on that to heal up. When I'm finally feeling a bit better, I plan to dedicate time at least 2-3 days a week (if not more) to doing my PT exercises. I spent all that time, energy, and money going to PT, now I just need to stick with it and implement that in my life. The exercises along with going on walks will hopefully help my energy and abilities overall.

I'm going to start watching my portions. This is going to be a HUGE task for me. I have already reached out to join Overeaters Anonymous. I haven't done too much with that just yet as I did a few things last night but I'm setting that ball in motion. I'm dedicated to getting my overeating under control. It's a problem I have been struggling with for so long and a lot of the time I feel like food controls my life. It should NOT be like this. I know this and that's what I'm working to overcome.

This segues into my mental health. Going to OA and finding support there is super important in changing my mind around about food. I am also contemplating finding a behavioral therapist to help me with some intrusive thoughts I've been having. My hormones are still getting under control from the pregnancy and subsequent breast feeding but I'm keeping an eye on my thoughts to try and make sure I'm not getting to a dark place. So far I have been able to put those thoughts to the side and move past them when I think them but it's still pretty tough.

I am also getting massages at least once a month. That will help with my physical self but being able to shut off and just be present. It's a nice and relaxing time to just be. I'm trying to get more in touch with myself. I have never truly felt like I knew myself and the self I do know, I don't particularly like.

I have purchased a tarot deck and an oracle deck. I'm still in the early stages of using them but I'm taking this as a chance to open my mind even more. I'm hoping that these tools will help me find guidance when I need it. I bought a journal to track my readings and reflect on them now and in the future. With this spiritual journey, I'm opening myself up to God. I was raised Catholic and I still do consider myself to be. We've been attending a Lutheran church here and there. We haven't been recently but life has been busy especially one with a one year old. They do stream online so I'm hoping to catch a few of those and maybe try to reconnect to a closeness with God. I know that He is the reason I am where I am and have the things I have and I want to open myself up to being a good person and if that means dedicating time and energy to God then that's where life is guiding me. I simply don't know at this point but I'm excited to find out!

I'm hoping to learn a lot about myself this year. I'm wanting to learn more about myself, both mind and body. I'm switching things up with this blog and I want to sort of use this as a diary. Something I can look back on and see my thoughts and how I've been changing. I'm doing this for me and if I can find other people through this platform to help me or who I can help, then that's even better.

#weight loss #weight loss journey #mental health #physical health #journal entry #journal #overeating #tarot cards #oracle #spirituality

[miraculouslb02]

On February 12, 2023 known as Superbowl Sunday, a twitter user by the name of “Dear Ashley” decided to stir the pot. After the big halftime show performance by Rihanna, Ashley made a bold statement about R&B Singer, Usher Raymond. Ashley stated “He doesn’t have enough pop hits for a thirteen medley performance”. In Ashley’s tweet, she also decided to use Beyonce’s past Super Bowl performances as a reference, stating Usher would give an “ok” performance.  The article linked to this discussion post contains a full breakdown as to what happened, including  responses to the tweet made by Ashley. Let’s just say, twitter users were fully engaged in that discussion. 

On September 24, 2023, The NFL made it know that Usher would be the headliner for the Superbowl in Las Vegas, Nevada. Does it surprise anyone that seven whole months after the debate was sparked surrounding Usher as a potential performer in the future, we get the news he will be headlining the big game? As an Usher fan myself, I do not find it a coincidence at all. For those who do not know, Usher has a residency in Vegas where he hosts his own private concerts. Each of his shows for the Vegas residency have sold out and attracted celebrities to come see him live. The NFL wants more In-person attendees and at home viewers , so why not bring in the man that is selling out every night in Vegas. There is a small chance I believe the NFL and Apple music considered Usher prior to the tweet, or maybe the tweet was all the confirmation needed by the corporations to give Usher the green light. Either way I am excited to see what songs will make the thirteen minute set list, because every hit pop song by the artist  won’t make it. 

Reflection: 

Connective blogging defined by Rheingold causes bloggers to “Go beyond telling your public why you should click on a link. Reflect the source or idea you are linking to. Read carefully and critically, and write something about what the linked source means. Push it further by thinking of a broader context and bringing in another link. Make the connections clear to your public” (Rheingold, pg. 124).

In terms of content matter, making my blog post about Usher was relevant for the communities that anticipate the halftime performances at the Superbowl. Also, fans of the artist love to read about big news that could change the whole trajectory of his music sales. If you were an avid user of twitter at the time the tweet went out, this type of blog would interest you. Primarily twitter users with strong views about the current state of music would love to read this blog and comment their own views on the individual who made the tweet, and Usher as a performer. 

The voice I imagined for this blog was more of a commercial voice. Halftime shows are focused on entertainment value and making sure the crowd is having a good time. Also, drama on twitter in this case is comical,  especially since it feels like one of those  “now go and eat crow” type of moments.

Speaking of twitter, Mashbels’ Beginner’s Guide to Twitter, touched on the topic of Retweets which are “Re-Sharing or giving credit to someone else’s tweet”. As someone who is not on twitter, I am sure Dear Ashley had over a hundred thousand Re-tweets since there was a deep rabbit hole of replies to her original post. I am also certain those Retweets enabled a high leveled  participatory culture back in February. Rheingold stated each of the main elements of participatory culture from Henry Jenkins and his team. One of which for a high leveled participatory culture are  “members who believe their contributions matter”(Rheingold, pg. 113). Those of us who comment on social media sites and repost content, we believe what we share and say is important. We want our spectrum of followers to engage in entertainment, healthy discussion, sometimes drama and gossip etc. I have noticed on tik tok for example, when I repost something I do look in my  activity to see who interacted with my own content/ content I reposted. 

This brings me to another aspect of twitter coming from Hootsuite on Twitter lists. When I read the section on Keep your eye on competition, I noticed something interesting. The sentence “But you don’t want to reward competitors with a follow, or let them know that your monitoring  their tweets”. This reminds me of when instagram users like myself would view other pages and try not to accidentally like any photos as you scroll through someone’s posts. This made me wonder how much monitoring is done by the average social media users on sites like twitter instagram and tik tok. More importantly, tik tok has a privacy setting where some people can see if you viewed their page, or you can hide your viewing activity. 

After reading the article that opposed Henry Jenkins' understanding of what participation is, which involves online interaction through making content, sharing with others, and engaging in discussion about the content to continue the process . The author, Christian Fuchs argued “Participation means humans have the right and reality to be part of decisions and to govern and control the structures that affect them” (Fuchs, pg. 5). As for my take on this, both Jenkins and Fuchs are right. The main emphasis Jenkins had was focusing on using online platforms as outlets for participation. Fuchs on the other hand was talking about human beings participating in a general sense, which can  apply to both inside and outside the internet. Neither definition is incorrect, they just belong in certain aspects of human life. Jenkins definition of participation more specifically participatory culture is more internet focused than Fuchs broad definition of what participation is . 

Overall, this is my first time using tumblr but I really enjoyed this assignment and I hope to engage in more discussions like these over blogs.

[hocusbogus]

Journal Entry: 12 April 2023, Wednesday

When we entered April month, I tweeted that April is gonna go by fast, like the wind and it did. Can you believe it’s already 12th April? And it does feel like April is gonna go by so fast I won’t even know what I did in April. Meanwhile March lasted forever!

I feel like the first two weeks of April have been quite hard on me, mainly in the career aspect. I’m guessing it’s because I’ve been doing things that are against my core and nature for about a year (5 years if we’re including my whole corporate career), and it’s just been eating at me day by day and I just don’t feel validated nor understood by anyone. 

People are dealing with their own shit and they have no obligation to be our source of comfort, I am my own source of comfort I am aware, and I rely on social media (especially tiktok) and music a lot to sooth myself. I just don’t find talking about it to the wrong people help, and it’s not their fault that it felt “wrong”, they’re them and that’s great but of course nobody can ever grasp your depth of understanding or pain or emptiness as much as yourself. 

I know there are fluctuations in life and there is no highs without the lows and vice versa. I think it also has to do with the fact that a lot of shadow sides in my relationships with others are being brought to light. I no longer share my writing and reflection on my other social media, because I am kinda hoping that nobody will read this. At least no one from my physical life will read this and I can just reflect from this in peace.

I wanted so desperately to move on to the next chapter of my life, it’s really weird to go on as if nothing has happened with a relationship that has ended? In my head, it has ended, the night we spoke about it, it ended right then and there and I’ve been mourning it. But, we’re still acting like it’s okay on a daily basis? He needed time to move out and I don’t know why I am being too graceful about it? Why do I hate confrontation so much? I really hate having this type of trauma response because I am unable to pull the trigger for my own benefit. I want to start fresh and clean and things being stagnant feels like rotten carcass hanging in the middle of the living room and we’re just getting used to the smell of death.

The only great thing is, April is moving by fast, so meaning this “death” will then rot faster. This uneasiness inside of me have been manifesting in so many ways, it’s eating me inside out because I became very easily triggered and just overall rude because it’s like my body and soul is reacting so negatively over this play pretend.

Other than that is not wanting to continue a friendship on a deeper level anymore with someone. It’s not their fault, I just don’t find the friendship as fruitful anymore. However, the irony is I still wanna be liked by them, I still wanna be on their good side, and I still get jealous if I am not as close to them as others. Why do I even feel this way when I know for a fact that we are drifting apart and I don’t want to be that close to them anymore? Why do I still want to put so much effort into pretending like this is something more than it actually is when in reality it’s such a burden to me and I keep bitching about it? Why should I? Why am I going trough all these? Is it a sense of obligation as if I owe them something? We don’t owe each other anything.

We had a good run, it was great but I don’t think I’ve ever moved past what they did to me in the past, apparently in the back of my mind it was still there like a ghost in the shadows. Reminding me from time to time over the insecurities that existed in our connection. I shouldn’t be wasting our time, I should just mourn this loss and move on. They can be amazing, but maybe not to me. I am admitting all these feelings just so I can let it go and move on.

I feel like I’ve been dealing with these feelings a lot the past few weeks, and I need space. I need to be alone somewhere unreachable and just sit with my thoughts, write, or vlog and just try to find myself again. Been losing myself a lot lately.

I feel like I lost a part of me when my relationship ended, and I feel like all of my connections are getting worse. Not because it actually is, but because I am. So every interaction I have doesn’t seem to make me feel better in fact it makes me feel even more lost. And it’s not because of the people, it’s because of me. This is not blaming myself or anyone or anything, this is just me acknowledging my feelings, this me saying “Yes I feel fucked up now”.

Ironically I write a lot, and so deeply whenever I feel this way. I’ll come by more often to digest my feelings.

#personal #journal entry

[beck-a-leck]

2022 Writing in Review

Table Key: W = Worked On; P = Posted A Chapter; New = New story; Done = Completed story. Completed stories have also been Bolded for visual differentiation. Some of the word counts have an * beside them, indicating that the story was not posted. Some story titles have been Redacted. Detail views of the tables sections can be found under the cut.

I kept track of my writing again this year, just as a way to help me keep track of where my writing time is going and how often I'm working on certain projects and see which projects were (sadly) neglected this year. It helps me stay personally organized, particularly when the Project Time Blindness gets me and I think "Oh, I just updated this fic a couple months ago" and check the chart and realize it's been over 6 months.

This year I also kept track of my word counts for my own curiosity just to see how much writing I actually did in a year. And I gotta say I did a lot more than I expected! Like, I knew I was writing a lot, but without the count I never really had an idea of how much. Granted! The word count doesn't reflect Exactly how many words I wrote down.

For the multi-chapter counts that was Word Counts of newly posted chapters. And since many of my multi-chaps have been WIPs for years at this point, there were sections of chapters that maybe wrote 2 or 3 years ago and then got to copy/paste into their appropriate chapter.

For the one shots, though, those are all pretty accurate. Aside from a couple of carry-over from last year exceptions, they were all new ideas this year.

It's always interesting to me to see how my writing trends across the year. When I'm working on one-shots I don't work on my multi-chaps very much. And when I'm working on my multi-chaps I tend to not work on one shots. And what months I didn't get much of anything done because I know I was busy with other things.

All in all I have to say I had a really good year for writing!

Lots of new ideas! Lots of progress on long-running WIPs. Lots of participation in fandom events that were a TON of fun and let me stretch my wings, so to speak.

This year I:

Started and FINISHED one multi-chapter piece within a timely manner. (RIP to all my other years-long WIPS)

I started 17 completely new stories.

I completed 12 stories total.

I filled 28 prompt fills via tumblr. (And I know there are a handful that have been sitting in my inbox since like August. I hope to get to those again one day. When I have fewer other event obligations taking up most of my writing time/energy they are a ton of fun and I will keep doing them in the future)

And I wrote over 226k words this year! (I didn't even count any of the work I did on original things, which I know will likely add another 10k or so words. And there are probably some work on long-running WIPs that I did but forgot to track because I only added like a paragraph or two.)

Next Year:

I want to complete at least one of my Redacted WIPs that I thought was going to be done like 2 years ago and I just keep dragging out the last few chapters.

And overall I think I want to focus more on my long-running WIPs. Just because some of them are Years old, and I do want to finish them up. Mostly because I want to clear off my plate a little before I add any more multi-chap WIPs to the pile. I have one idea I've been sitting on since like 2017 that I keep telling myself to just wait until I finish up a couple other projects and then I can start posting it.

I also hope I can find the motivation to finish up some of the one shots I started this year but then got distracted by other projects and didn't finish. Because I think there are some good ideas in there that should see the light of day.

All in all, I am very much looking forward to seeing where my writing goes next year! Maybe for funsies, I'll start tracking some of my original pieces too. Just to see how they add up.

Multi-Chapter works:

One Shots:

#becky writes things #writing year in review