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sentientgolfball · 6 months

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Lightning Strikes Water

Have some Delta elemental transition brought to you by having one too many jello shots over Halloweekend and randomly remembering a convo with @alas--pringles

Words: 2750

Tags: general elemental transition angst, character death

I also used this to experiment with a different writing style so feedback is appreciated :>

You can’t change. You can’t be quintessence.

Alpha, Delta, Omega. The beginning, middle, and end. That’s who they were. That’s who they were meant to be. They were gifts, blessings sent from the Dark One himself to show his approval for the revival of The Ghost Project. They were there to do as the Clergy asked. But they never asked for anything from Delta and Alpha. Water and Fire. Ghouls they had seen hundreds of times before. But Omega, dear Omega was a quintessence ghoul. The rarest of their kind. It had been fifty years since the last one was summoned. And Omega was a perfect creature. The Clergy fawned over him, wanted him constantly near. They filled his time with every task they could think of where his magick would be of use. He became the head of the infirmary. The head of the nursery. The head of rituals and mystics. The overseer of all Ministry ghouls. But to Alpha and Delta, he was their rhythm guitarist. Their packmate. Family.

Until the youngest Emeritus inherited them from the middle. Something changed within Omega when he met that man. Alpha said he lost his way, became human-like. Delta listened when Omega tried to convince them that they didn’t have to follow Clergy rules to the letter, but he didn’t dare do more than that. Listen. He entertained his counterpart’s ideas to help soothe him when he could. He came to regret this, just like Alpha said.

Omega had left. He couldn’t travel anymore. He had been pushed and pulled in every direction since his summoning and finally broke, at least, that’s what Omega said. Though, if you asked Alpha he would tell you Terzo broke him. He would tell you Terzo was irresponsible and not fit to carry Lucifer’s blessing. Omega would tell you Terzo opened his eyes to the Dark One’s most glorious gift. Delta would tell you the fighting had become too much.

Delta came to regret so much. He blamed himself for Omega leaving. You shouldn’t have encouraged his delusions, Alpha would say, but Delta could feel the unshed tears. Water tried to soothe fire but it only made him burn brighter. Delta tried to convince him to stay. I’m not leaving permanently, I’ll be here when you return, Omega would say, but Delta could smell the scent of melting plastic, grief. Water tried to call to the stars but he only floated farther away.

Delta tried so hard to hold them together. He failed. Alpha became enraged. Omega became a recluse. Alpha was more than happy to leave for tour. Omega was content to stay behind and tend to his other duties.

The only problem was the missing element. They couldn’t return and finish the tours without quintessence. The balance would be thrown off, all five had to be present. This was one of Delta’s regrets. He watched the Clergy frantically attempt summoning after summoning searching for a new quintessence ghoul. Every single ritual was a failure. Either the circle would be empty when the fires of Hell died away, or the ghoul would be so broken they wouldn’t make it. They had to stop when one of the humans responsible for the mystics died, body exhausted from the near-constant sacrifice to provide a physical representation of the element.

You can’t change. You can’t be quintessence.

Delta had come to the Clergy with a proposal. He didn’t tell Alpha or Omega. He knew despite their fighting they would have stopped him.

He should’ve let them stop him.

He revealed knowledge to the humans he should never have. His heart ached watching ghouls be ripped from the Pits only to be met with a worse fate. So he gave what he knew willingly. He offered to be their quintessence ghoul. Water was infinitely easier to summon, after all.

They scolded him at first, It’s rude to joke at a time like this Delta they told him. He clasped his hands, sinking to his knees swearing on the Lords below he was telling the truth. It was only legend in ghoul culture, that one could transform themselves and hold a different element, but Delta could no longer watch his kin be scattered across every plane of existence with each failed summoning. He told the Clergy everything he knew. If a ghoul was consumed by an element, down to their very core, they could change.

He should’ve known better when the Special appeared, drawn out by the conversation. The Chimera only appeared like that when the times changed. The Clergy looked to their Special ghoul, one who holds the power of all the elements, for confirmation. He assured them Delta was telling the truth, but he added a piece he was missing.

“You’re correct about the consumption bit, but that’s the easy part. The hard part is getting your body to adapt and accept the element.”

Delta knew the weight of the words Special spoke, but he still couldn’t find it in himself to be dissuaded. Water and quintessence. Ocean and stars. They were similar enough, the humans even said they were compliments. Both elements were soothing with an incredible power to heal and restore energy. Both elements had the power to destroy effortlessly. Both were great sources of fear and mystery.

If it was going to be anyone it had to be him. When the Special ghoul left them steps on how to perform the ritual they made their mind up. Delta should have turned back.

The Clergy would transform him and summon a new water ghoul to take his place.

You can’t change. You can’t be quintessence.

Delta was taken into the catacombs of the Ministry, as far from his element as physically possible. The mystics took him into a room where he was face-to-face with Omega. Only then did Delta start to regret his decision. His brother wore his mask, he had never hidden his face from Delta. One sniff of the air told him all he needed to know. There was a storm of anger, grief, and pain raging inside Omega as he went about the necessary steps laid out by the Special. Delta was disrobed, the quintessence symbol was carved into his chest over top of his water one.

Please stop this he had heard Omega whisper into his mind as he performed his tasks.

If this is punishment for leaving then have mercy. Alpha has given me enough. Please my Delta.

He stood stoic in the center of the room unable to meet Omega’s eyes as he silently begged him to stop. There was a reason elemental transformations were a legend, simple mythology. It was dangerous, deadly. As far as any ghoul had ever known there had never been a successful attempt. Delta should have heeded the warnings.

Instead, he let his heart be influenced by the smooth voice of Special. If the chimera said it’s possible then it has to work. He needed it to work. Time was running out and he swore to give the Clergy results.

He just wished Omega didn’t have to be present. He couldn’t stand the constant anguish rolling off his packmates, and now he was forced to meet the issue in the eyes. He knew why Omega had to be here, but he wished he didn’t. There was only one way for Delta to become a quintessence ghoul. Only one way for his very core to be consumed by the element. Omega had to bring him to the brink using his magick and pray to the Lords below Delta could find his way through the storm of stardust and raw energy.

Omega took him by the shoulders, looking into the ocean of his eyes. The last time he would ever do so. He had dug his claws in deep and chanted in an ancient version of Infernal even Delta didn’t recognize. He smelt the pop of ozone in the air before he felt the magick ripple through him.

The moment it did, he had been plunged into a void so dark, that even his water ghoul eyes couldn’t find the light. It was cold. Unbearably cold. The tips of his fingers and tail were already turning purple. It was quiet and dark and cold for an eternity before purple lighting started to split the black. There was no pattern, no path to follow, simply just pops. He floated like that, drifting in the empty space until he saw a figure in the distance. He tried to call out, but no sound moved within the vacuum.

But then came the voices. Or rather, voice. It was his own being echoed back to him, distorted and vile. It screamed at him. Making him face every little horrible thought he’s ever had, every fear he’s ever experienced, every miserable memory of his unnatural life. The lightning grew brighter with each rumble of the voice. Delta stood strong against it all. He would not break, not when he was needed.

That was until the figure appeared inches from his face. It was him. He looked different, crazed. The figure had black holes for eyes that were filled with the light of the cosmos. It grinned at him. It grabbed the sides of his head and Delta felt like his brain would explode. He could feel the secrets of the stars being shoved into his head, could hear them whisper. He felt the spark of life and soul enter his body. He was connected to everything that ever was and ever will be. It was agony. But it wasn’t over yet.

Audio turned to visual, his fears became real right before his eyes. He watched as the lightning illuminated the faces of Alpha and Omega. Hundreds of them. They cast Delta out. They turned their backs on him. They screamed at each other. They fought each other. They killed each other. They were banished back to the Pits. Hundreds of the horrible outcomes of the months-long conflict swarmed Delta as he fought to keep a level head and make it through the storm with an already fractured mind.

He thought he had done something right when he started to feel the pain. He assumed the transformation would hurt and so he let it happen. A streak of purple lightning split through the void and hit him square in the chest. Exactly where the quintessence symbol had been carved. It felt like his whole nervous system was on fire. He could feel everything. The life of every soul in the Ministry, the hum and buzz of their emotions. He could feel Omega, every thought, every sensation he was feeling. He could feel the stars and planets looking at him, deciding if he was worthy or not. He could feel the void swallowing the water within him, leaving a chasm in his core.

The first real thing he felt when he left that place was the cold. It was unlike anything he’d ever felt, even as a water ghoul. He tried to breathe deep, tried to calm himself from the overwhelming pressure of life around him. He felt like he was suffocating. He opened his eyes to see his gills were gone, replaced by wild branching Lichtenberg figure scars that pulsed with magick. Then he noticed his skin. It was no longer the soft leathery texture of a water ghoul, it was dryer, almost like that of a human. It was a different color too. No longer a deep blue-grey, but now a dusty lavender.

He raised his head to look at Omega. Delta could feel it all. See it all through the eyes of his kin. He felt Omega’s exhaustion, felt the piece of him that was now eating Delta from the inside. He felt sadness. He felt regret.

You can’t change. You can’t be quintessence.

He felt alive, more energized than he had ever felt in his entire existence. He learned the parts he needed in the new instrument with ease. He hardly slept. He used his magick whenever he could. Every regret he had disappeared with the success of the transformation. If only he knew what he had caused by being the first.

He assisted the new water ghoulette, Mist, whenever he could. Being able to feel her emotions was overwhelming. He knew how difficult the transition between life in the Pits and life Topside was, but feeling those emotions again hurt him. He looked out for her the best he could. He started to look out for all his packmates. He could feel everything. He started to take it upon himself to fix everything around him. Omega couldn’t be near him anymore. When Delta tried to read him he was blocked from his mind. This just spurred Delta on.

If Omega felt all the anguish and anxiety from his pack and still decided to turn his back for Emeritus then Delta would be what his pack needed. Delta would take on the responsibility, he would shoulder the weight of the world.

What Delta didn’t see through his haze of quintessence was the reason his pack was anxious. He couldn’t see the way his body was deteriorating. He couldn’t feel it, too focused on every other creature to notice the way his body was giving up. Alpha tried to reason with him, but Delta dismissed him. Can’t you see it brother Delta would say there’s no more need for heartbreak. I’ll be what Omega could not.

He had lost his mind along with his body. He wasn’t Delta anymore. Nobody was quite sure who he was. He shuffled through the halls of the Ministry mumbling to himself with energy crackling around him. He saw things that nobody else could see. Nobody except for the special ghoul who watched Delta from the shadows.

You can’t change. You can’t be quintessence.

It was hard to move. Every time he did, cracks of quint rippled from his body. He was dangerous to be around at this point. One stray bolt would leave a person writhing in the same agony Delta was feeling. Or would be feeling if he wasn’t lost in his head. He had been moved into one of the ghoul rooms in the infirmary, left under Omega’s care. He knew his brother wouldn’t make it. Everyone else had hope, that all he needed was more time to adjust. Omega knew better from their connection of elements. He could feel Delta’s mind leaking into the cracks of the void. Soon he’d be nothing, taken wholly by the insatiable appetite.

Yet he still begged, prayed, and pleaded. He begged Delta to come back to him, to let him into his mind so he could take the void back. He prayed to the Lords below, to Lucifer himself to spare Delta for the mistakes he’s made. He pleaded with anyone who would listen to him so that he may not lose his last half. Alpha would no longer speak to him and now Delta was going to die.

Alpha, Delta, Omega. The beginning, middle, and end. He was destined from his summoning to this fate. To watch on without being able to do anything. He did his best to make Delta comfortable while the Clergy summoned.

You can’t change. You can’t be quintessence.

The last thing Delta remembers is Omega. He can’t see or hear him, but he knows he’s nearby.

Good.

He wouldn’t have it any other way. The stars called his name, begging him to come home. He wanted to go home. Everything was so difficult Topside. He wanted to rest. The stars promised him rest. They promised him safety and comfort and infinite knowledge. He liked the sound of that. He asked if Alpha and Omega could come. They told him no. He wished his brothers could see the beauty he saw. The colors and lights. The stars promised him the three would be reunited, but for now it was time for Delta to join them. He obliged happily. He couldn’t feel pain anymore.

You can’t change. You can’t be quintessence.

He opened his arms as the stars surrounded him, welcoming him into their ranks.

You can’t change. You can’t be quintessence.

He watched as he floated away from his body, glad he could see Omega one more time before he left.

You can’t change. You can’t be quintessence.

He became the brightest star next to Venus.

Omega buried his body near the lake.

You can’t change. You can’t be quintessence.

#the band ghost #nameless ghouls #ghost bc #delta ghoul #omega ghoul #alpha ghoul #era 3 ghouls #the band ghost fic #golfball writes

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bronx-bomber87 · 8 months

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Happy Tuesday :) Ep been wanting to get to. Anytime we get little more depth to them and Tim as a character I’m a happy girl. I forgot s2 only has 20 not 22 eps HA We’re almost done which is insane to me. Feel like we just started s2. So after this one we have 3 left in this season. What a trip. Let’s delve in shall we?

2x17 Control

Thanks to Nolan our couple starts their day off with some foot patrol. Grey wants them more engaged with the community. Tim lets her know that while he finds foot patrol annoying he agrees this is important to do. That it creates trust and likability therefore they get more help. Lucy seems real impressed with his answer. I always love when Tim impresses Lucy with his insight. Also when she makes sure he knows how enlightened she finds him. She's hot for Tim in these moments haha

Lucy loves when he shows her his moral compass about this stuff. I said it last review Tim as a person is very attractive. It's definitely huge part of her draw to him. A random guy comes up to them asking for legal advice. They stop and address him. Lucy fully expects Tim to answer this man’s question. I’m rolling when he tells this guy they’re movie extras’. Lucy’s double take is too damn funny. How she kept a straight face idk. He’s such a grumpy old man sometimesI love it. Or as Aaron says in s5 he’s like the old dude from 'UP' LMFAO I love you Timothy Bradford haha

Lucy's smile when he tells her they’re not google is too cute. We all know she loves her grump of a man. She’s enjoying him cracking a joke with a side of heart eyes to go with that smile. Look at him cracking jokes. So proud. Their comfortability level at this point is off the charts. His sense of humor is so fun to see. (He cracked me up too. I laugh every time.)This came out all on its own. I love him so easily making one around her. Lucy is quite amused and enjoying it herself.

Side notes I love about this scene. The ever wonderful height difference I legit can’t get enough. How damn in-sync they are as they’re walking together. Honestly the entire scene. Look at them. Lastly a fan favorite the the lack of personal space. Within inches of each other at all times. Like moths drawn to a flame. Always gravitating back to one another. Their physical chemistry without touching always floors me.

We rejoin them still on foot patrol. Lucy asking Tim if Rachel was disappointed she canceled on her last night? Trying to justify to Tim why she ended up bailing on their bar plans. Clearly residual PTSD from Caleb manifesting into her doing this. She’s clearly wanting to be relieved of the guilt she feels for canceling on her.

Tim is usually that person for her with his insight and telling her like it is. Not this time...She doesn’t get the reply she wants unfortunately. Just Tim being a lying liar who lies, when he says they don’t ever talk about her. Ok honey we believe you…I’m sure he actually talks about her more than Rachel would like. Lucy is offended with his cavalier answer LOL

Their convo gets interrupted by a dope stealing Girl Scout cookies. He runs and ends up in someone’s windshield. One of the little girls shows up from the troop to help them. Tells them they can use her scarf and pen as a tourniquet. Even tells Lucy where to apply it. Pretty impressive composure for a kid haha

Tim’s face is my favorite part when she asks if she can get a badge for this? He’s not sure what shocks him more. Her knowing how to do this or asking for a badge for it haha Lucy’s smile back at Tim is pretty cute. I feel like this will be them as parents when their kid does something that shocks them haha

The fire dept. arrives and so does Emmett Lang. Not gonna lie everyone he is smokin. I remember first time I watched this episode, I was thinking holy hell this man is attractive. Lucy deserved someone on this level of hotness to re-enter the dating world with. He is instantly flirty with Lucy. Telling her his condolences for Tim being her T.O. (good thing Tim misses this part ha) Lucy has zero problems flirting right back with him.

Honestly good for her. This is so needed post-Caleb. She’s crashing Jackson’s date plans and canceling on Rachel. She needed something to get her back on her feet. Just like Rachel was the perfect person for Tim post-Isabel. Emmett was for Lucy in the aftermath of 2x11. Girl needed a win and to feel it was ok to re-integrate back into the world of dating. Quite the score to start back up with if I do say so myself ha

They flirt some more at the hospital. Emmett basically asks her out and Lucy panics. Lies says she has something going on. Oh my girl. That PTSD is showing and I can’t blame her. Just hate seeing it affect her. Tim comes up and says it’s time to go. He says bye to Emmett and Lucy makes the connection they know each other. So she leans on her lifeline since she’s having doubts.

Tries to ask Tim about Emmett. Says he seems nice. Trying to get a beat on him through Tim’s eyes. Tim doesn't understand her line of questioning at first. Just giving short answers that give her no depth. He's thinking nothing of it until she gives him that look above. Then he quickly pieces together what this is.

He instantly disengages about it. Telling her 'No.' Not S1 Tim 'I could care less about your life.' disengaged. More 'I don’t trust myself to give you the right advice.' kind of distance. He wants no part of this. Lucy seems so upset he won’t talk to her about this. This scene is funny in how he cuts it off. How upset she seems. The pointing of his finger. Sadly we know the deep kernel of truth he feels to that final line of the scene.

The weight he’s still carrying around about her abduction. He doesn’t trust himself to vet Emmett for her. Since in his mind he failed so spectacularly with Caleb. He’d rather pass that emotional responsibility off to someone else. The weight that’s already on his soul is crushing...he can’t add to the load. Oh my broken boy. I wanna give you the biggest hug.

Lucy breaks my heart when Jackson tells her he needs alone time with Sterling. Lucy realizes she’s a third wheel. Has been for awhile now. She is horrified by this. Luckily Tim saves her with an OT opportunity. Joining the DEA operation Nolan and Harper are running. Lucy instantly jumps on it. She looks so upset walking away from Jackson. My poor girl. I want to give her a hug. I wanna hug them both in this one. This OP was blessing in disguise for her to do though. We get the best part of the episode during the stakeout.

Lucy is "on the phone" with Rachel saying all the things she wishes Tim would engage her on. He’s shaking his head as she rambles on. It’s so funny. Telling “Rachel” she’s been using Jackson and Sterling as a crutch. That together they make the perfect BF. Saying how they’re safe and that's why she keeps choosing them. My heart. Tim interjects 'Who are you talking to? 'Cause he knows it’s not Rachel.

John interrupts asking if they want coffee? He is going on a run. Lucy is her adorable self and asks for a chai tea latte all excited. Tim cuts her off saying this is a stakeout he's not going to Starbucks LOL Lucy rolls her eyes at him. He’s such an ass sometimes but I love him dearly rough edges and all. John is so sweet tells her he’ll see if he can find her some vanilla creamer LMAO

Lucy returns instantly to her fake convo and Tim can’t take it any longer. Has to call her out in the most Tim Bradford way he can. By calling her and proving she isn’t on the phone…Lucy is mortified but answers LOL Poor girl she just wants to talk it out with her person. I’m a lot like Lucy in the way that I need to talk things out. If I don’t they’ll eat me alive. I have a compulsive need to confront things and not let them fester.

It’s good to have that person you can talk it out with. If you don’t you start to self advise and that’s never good. Tim is that for her. Her sounding board. To her she has a problem she reaches for the lifeline that is Tim to sort it out. So him denying her that catharsis is messing with her. Why she created this fake convo. It got his attention so in the end it worked.

What kills me the most with this scene is both their reactions honestly. Lucy for being utterly shocked Tim would think his opinion had lost any value post-Caleb. To her it never ever occurred to place any blame on him. To trust his gut or opinion any less because of her DOD trauma. Breaks my heart Tim doesn’t see this before they have this conversation. That he truly believes his opinion has lost its value in her eyes after Caleb.

Lucy is astonished he would think she doesn't want his POV. She lives for it. Its the most important one in her life. Tim is so very vulnerable with her with his follow up answer. So proud of him for this vulnerability BTW. Nothing scarier than being emotionally exposed with another person. You can see it written all his face. That guard is down. We see the toll this guilt has taken on him. He unburdens his soul to her. Tells what has been eating at him for months.

That his advice pushed her towards something that could’ve ended her life. Since then he has devalued his place in her life. Doesn’t find himself worthy to advise her in personal matters. He fought against it for so long. Then he gave in and Caleb happened. In his mind proving why he never should’ve gotten involved in the first place. Chiding himself for getting close to her and having that closeness which put her in danger.

Lucy truly had no idea the guilt he'd been carrying since 2x11. It’s six episodes later. At the earliest that's 6 weeks at the most its a little over 2 months if we include her recovery time. The latter is the more likely timeline. That’s a long time to be carrying a burden she never placed on him. She can't stand that he's done this to himself. Lucy immediately wants to put him at ease. Trying to offload that burden and chuck it far away. It never once crossed her mind he would take the sole responsibility. Because not for one second did she ever blame him for it.

She vehemently reassures him it wasn’t his fault. He could be told by everyone under the sun it wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t going to stop mentally flogging himself till Lucy forgave him. She is all the things he needs in this moment. Letting him know she thinks it’s ridiculous he would blame himself, that no one had any reason to suspect Caleb for what he was, and overall what happened wasn’t on him. Lucy is taking that weight off his shoulders and throwing it away. Never allowing him to pick it back up again.

He looks so damn relieved and honestly very vulnerable after she absolves him. It helps him start to close a self inflicted wound. Eric the king of facial expressions killing me softly in this scene. His eyes and the way he looks at her when she said wasn’t his fault. *heart clutch* He couldn’t even look at her till she said that. Then when he does he's in awe of her. Like he can't believe she doesn't blame him but is so grateful for her saying as such.

I love her also sharing it wasn’t hers either. It was not at all. (Growth for her too.) Looks like he's biting back his emotions when she lets Tim know how valued his opinion is. It's so sweet. He needed his sunshine human to apply some balm to his wounds. No one does it better than Lucy. She’s complimenting him while also reliving him of the guilt he’s been harboring for much longer than she would’ve liked.

Had she known this she would’ve absolved him the day after honestly. No way she would've wanted him carrying this guilt day in and day out. Her opinion matters so much to him. He NEEDED to hear her say these words. It had to come straight from Lucy or he’d never let it go. She reassured him that not only did she not blame him but his opinion was one that matters most to her. Two things that were in question for him. Quelled the storm in his soul.

It’s scenes like this that are the true building blocks to their foundation. Why they end up working so well in s5. I will die on this hill of loving every single moment of this slow burn. I’m so glad we had 4 seasons to truly make them rock solid. It was so necessary for them as a couple. I don’t regret the wait at all. Because piece by piece they were building toward ‘The Really Beautiful Place’ Lucy calls their relationship in 5x18. Everything happens for a reason for them before we get there. This is just another wonderful facet of it.

The minute he’s granted access and allowance to give her advice he doesn’t hold back. His way of showing he cares too. I love them so much for their ability to just bounce back like they do. After a deeply emotional and vulnerable chat they're right back to the banter. Easily fall back into teasing one another. Tim basically says in not so many words Emmett isn’t good enough for her.(I mean no one is but Tim lets be honest.)

Lucy probes and asks why he thinks that? Tim doesn't hesitate in the slightest. Saying he’s a firefighter for god sakes LMFAO. Clearly has a prejudice against them. For whatever Tim reason that may be. Lucy being all cute saying 'Yeah that’s what makes him so hot.' ha She’s not wrong the man is fine af.

Tim gets defensive and says he doesn’t want to talk about this if she gonna be contrarian about it. Which is Tim speak for being jealous let’s be real honest. Lucy doesn’t hesitate to call him out on it. God I love her. Jokes he’s just threatened by his ‘hunkiness’ I mean he is….his reaction alone proves that he is. It’s ok Tim she still thinks you’re smokin too. She just can’t have you just yet haha

I love them ending this scene on a funny bantery note. Shows how much Tim cares about her. The fact that he is allowing this conversation to even take place proves that. Indulging her in this. They’re so married with their banter. I Iove them sfm. Soulmate behavior the way she teases him about everything and he allows (and loves) it. We leave the scene smiling and laughing at these blissfully unaware idiots in love.

Harper has Lucy and Tim chase what they think is the decoy vehicle once their stakeout is made. They soon realize the decoy vehicle has their target and Nolan’s CI. They end up getting T-Boned in the pursuit of it. Hurts to watch. They're both knocked out cold. I adore how the first thing Tim asks when he comes to is if she’s alright. Always puts her first. The soft way he says ‘Chen’ then asks if she’s ok. It’s the little things I love so very much. ❤️

Emmett arrives on scene flirty as ever with Lucy. She decides to be honest with him. Tells him why she declined his date offer. That her social life is complicated right now. He is smooth af with his reply. Tells her once it’s not he’ll still be interested. Their scene ends pretty cute. This is so good for her. I’m really happy to see her get back out there. She really needed him to help her get over her DOD hump. Just like it’s nice to see Tim happy the same goes for Lucy. I love them both individually as as much as I do together. This cute flirt session is well deserved after all the trauma she’s been through.

Thus ends our episode for them. Such a damn good one for them. I love their building block episodes. They do depth and growth like no other. How I love them so.

Side Notes-Non Chenford

Nice to see Angela get her foot back in the door for Detective. Well earned after her fallout in S1.

Harper SL's and her backstory. Getting to watch her in UC action always fun to watch.

Thank you to those who take the time to like/comment and reblog. Means the world to me. Fuels me to do each review.

See you all in 2x18 :)

#Caitlin Rewatches The Rookie #chenford #chenford hiatus #summer rewatch #s2 #2x17 Control #The Rookie 2x17 #waiting on s6 #otp: doing my job #otp: you know me so well. too well.#otp: some things matter more #tim bradford #lucy chen #tim x lucy #lucy x tim #the rookie #eric winter #melissa o'neil #tim bradford x lucy chen

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fanficapologist · 1 month

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Whew boy, the tension between Alys and Maera was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I think this is also a lesson to take Helaena more seriously *nods solemnly* we’re taking notes of these prophecies. I combed through the previous chapters to find that particular quote hahahaha.

First, let’s unpack the confrontation scene. Not sure if this is just me but I kind of feel like Maera was humiliated? I can’t name the exact emotion but yeah, because Alys got pregnant first, and a boy no less. Props to Maera too because in the spirit of not pitting women against women, she really held it together. I can see how she wouldn’t want to immediately lash out at Alys just because she’d lain with Aemond, I mean it does take two to tango, but good lord, is Alys testing her. I don’t expect her and Alys to become fast friends because there will always be tension given her feelings for Aemond and Alys also seems to somehow hint she has him under her spell but I don’t know what she’s playing at because from the onset it seemed every breath is a taunt.

Alys also seemed condescending or patronizing because here Maera is, confronting her and she’s somehow made to feel like she’s the mistress.

“You look upset; you needn’t be” it’s like Maera is the mistress finding out the wife is pregnant. Translation: oh, don’t worry, you’ll get to play happy family too.

I think it must also be jarring given their physical resemblance. In a way it seemed Aemond only liked her because she reminds him of Alys, which again, if I were her, I’d be questioning my entire relationship as well. Again, props to Maera for regaining control of the situation because really, what would happen should Alys give birth? I think even if Aemond didn’t have romantic feelings for Alys, no doubt he’d feel something for his child. And in other versions or tales about Alys, she asserts her child’s right to the throne, and in this universe, this puts Maera in danger or at the very least calls her status into question.

Next, THAT convo with Aemond. Yeah, I do believe he didn’t know but surely he can’t be so stupid and not think it through?? I mean what did he think Alys was going to do with his seed? He already knows it needs to be through lying with her. Or maybe he was so desperate for him and Maera to happen he’d say yes even if it meant selling his soul but did he think he’d get off scot-free? Serves him right, Maera leaving him sexually frustrated. I also think in a way it’s a form of reassurance for her, to remind herself that even though he has a bastard, he’d lain with Alys, at the end of the day, she’s the one he loves and wants.

Ooh this was difficult to read but at the same time, I can’t quite stop hahaha. And while I feel sorry for Alys because a lot of people can be quite posessive-protective of Aemond, myself included, thus damning anyone who’ll portray her, I do feel, in your story, she merits only a few chapters hahahaha. I can’t quite stand her, there I said it. That said, I am sooo ready as to how things will unfold. 💕

I’m curious to think why Alys is so fucking certain she’s having a boy 🙄 it would certainly strengthen her position, and she knows that, but she’s just a bit too confident for my liking

I think I can only do like three or four more chapters of Alys because as much as I want her to be in the story I fucking hate her 🤣 (totally not because I’m a possessive protective Aemond girly)

For real, the sex was for Maera, not for him. She came and went (literally) 🖤

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ronearoundblindly · 2 years

Text

Do You Two...Fondue? (5)

Here to Prove, Part One (see previous or series)

Summary: Steve struggles to explain himself. (Warning for some awkward convos. This is again soft!Steve, but pretty in-character, if I may be so bold...Minors DNI, 18+ only.)

A night of thinking about what happened doesn’t help Steve. He convinces himself of many things, from ‘I should just be a monk and let her have someone better’ to ‘chips fall where they may, go try to have sex without any confidence and see how ya do, punk.’

Bucky may or may not be his conscience in this case. Jury’s out. The voice is either his conscience or a little demon on one shoulder.

He’s typed out nine separate explanations via text and sent none of them. Then Steve flips the phone out of his hands in alarm when the three dots appear from your end. Even the ninth try isn’t good enough, so he sends nothing. Your response never comes either.

There are two big prayers that go through his head before a fight: “God, please let me live,” and “God, please don’t make me live with my failure.”

Steve is living with his failure all night, and by morning, he’s wrecked.

It’s much worse than he thought when he watched you leave. He isn’t just afraid of you thinking his affection is some sort of pity response to the reporters. He’s actually afraid. It’s multidimensional, intergalactic fear.

In his youth, a man didn’t touch a lady like that without giving her a ring first, a real, open, public promise that he was held accountable to. Even then…debatable. Engagements get broken all the time. Divorce is super common now, too. Not that he’s thinking…yikes, no, well, he’s…uh boy.

To Steve, it’s not enough to step out with you, not in this modern, flippant world where promises mean nothing and legal accountability is man’s only moral compass apparently. So again, he’s waiting until he’s convinced that you’re convinced he’s sincere and all-in.

Except that leads to the next problem which is that Steve has very little sexual experience, and he’s in love with you. He may not have asked any prying questions, but he knows you aren’t a virgin (though neither is he technically). Even if you were, there are far more expectations of sexual prowess nowadays. Steve’s just simply not ready to disappoint the woman he loves after waiting decades for this moment.

And thus, he’s disappointing you for those very same reasons.

It hurts him. It physically hurts him to think over it again and again. His eyes are bloodshot, and no matter how much water he downs, his throat and mouth are still sandpaper. In the mirror, he looks like he’s been tortured, sleep-deprived all night, and he still doesn’t have a satisfactory answer to get the pain to stop.

Thank god no one called him on a mission. He’d be as helpful as a wet rag.

It’s probably because his brain is fried by the time he looks at the clock and knows you’ll be at work that he leaves his room, zipping a hoodie over the undershirt and dress pants he is still wearing from the gala. He’s relieved the first person to see him in the lab is Gracie. She points him to the supply room where you are charged with inventory. She wears a look that says ‘ ‘bout time you showed up,’ too.

His mind goes completely blank the instant he opens the door.

Your back is to him while you count out small disposables in a bin. “Bruce, I told you I could do it if you’d just leave me the fuck alone for…” You sniffle before finishing the threat. “Damnit, I lost count,” you gripe, smacking the tablet on the rim of the bin, but you turn anyway. “Seriously, I—“

Steve is awash with guilt and comfort at how destroyed you look. He wants nothing more than to hug you, but your whole body stiffens at the sight of him.

He imagines you’re about to yell at him, to scream for him to get out and leave you alone, to tell him that you’re finished with him outright. He didn’t imagine this.

“How can I help you today, Captain Rogers?” Your tone is so flat, so defeated that Steve’s insides curdle.

He can’t ask more of you. He can’t ask for you to go through the scrutiny and incessant media slog. He’s already burdened you with his bizarre hangups born from repression nearly a hundred years ago. What the hell is he supposed to say?

“Can you forgive me?”

Weak, Rogers. Weak.

You exaggerate your sigh. “I’m sorry I misunderstood.” Steve doesn’t like where you’re going with this. “I get it now. You don’t want to be an old-fashioned man with a modern slut.”

Steve knows he’s a giant putz in this moment, but what can he do? He’s the idiot who cornered you at your place of work. He can’t attack you here. He can’t prove anything. He’s certainly not going to make you feel like an object whose purpose is to please him in front of your peers.

“I’d like to have this conversation in a more private setting,” he attempts in a soothing, low voice.

“Then what—“ you stretch yourself as tall as you’ll go “—THE FUCK are you doing here now?”

“Perfectly fair,” Steve squeaks, unable to retaliate, “but I wanted to see you.” He keeps his voice low and steps forward. “But I always want to see you. I can’t see how--I don’t know why you don’t see—“ He’s lost it again. The words keep coming out wrong. “I love you, and I can’t seem to have a single conversation where I don’t put my foot in my mouth.”

“Well, that’s crap.” It’s harsh as a whip, and Steve is rightly chastised until a smirk breaks your frown. “Sorry, that’s just…it’s what you said when I couldn’t stop insulting you, so…” The lightness of your tone is superficial. “Don’t ever disrespect Gaga like that again though.”

He can see you’re deflecting, watches you shrink behind your lab coat like you’re fading into the wall and hoping he’ll leave you alone. He wants to do whatever makes you comfortable, but he can’t just leave. He has to have a light at the end of the tunnel. Some light for both of you.

“A date. Give me one more date. Just us. Not here. Please.” He has no clue what he’ll do to make it up to you, to convince you he’s not the putz he knows he is being right now all the time.

He watches your eyes dart to the tiny window on the door, and you scratch at your neck to block your mouth and face from view. Someone is clearly at the window, staring, likely Gracie, who Steve finds kind and funny but extremely dramatic.

You give a roundabout nod and mumble, “that’s not fair. You know damn well I have nothing better to do.”

Steve barely cares that it isn’t the emphatic ‘yes’ he’d hoped for. You keep giving him these chances, and each one ends up offering him a glimpse of how happy he is with you and how happy he could be as long as you’re with him. He closes the short distance to trap you in a tight hug, the type he reserves for you because you always let out the most contented sigh once he’s relaxed his weight onto your smaller form. That sigh haunts him at night. You won’t do it unless he really puts his soul into the hug. He’s tested out levels of grip and certain postures, but it’s like you know when he isn’t simply devoted to the embrace. In his mind, you see a science behind it, a formula, but in truth, it doesn’t matter. He just loves that you understand and you reward him with that little pleased sound when he gets it right.

This time, Steve kisses the top of your head, relishing the scent of your hair. He’ll enjoy the hug and then go beg Bucky to help him figure out how to fix this and—maybe—get some sleep, too.

(You can find more steve/reader, bucky/reader, and fun stories on my Ao3!)

(Next part)

#steve x reader #steve rogers fic #fluff and feels #steve x you #fluff and romance #fools rush in #steve rogers #eventual smut #fanfic #series

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fuumiku · 2 years

Photo

Wip. I do want to finish this, i really enjoy doing even digital art of Metal, digital which is usually painstaking for me to do, and I’ve got sooo many angst art pieces of him in the works lol

But this is vent art. And I’m thinking it can be a nice opportunity to give an update on myself? And have a talk about flowergore, machines, sketches and disability, because I’m in that kinda mood

I didn’t want to put a read more split on this post but it became too long to comfortably fit on my blog, so alas... Life doesn’t often go as planned, yeah?

Cw for the next paragraph, just skip if these make you uncomfortable, or if you want to go straight to the flowergore & metal convo: discussion of chronic illness & disability, with references to disordered eating. I’ve been diagnosed a bit less than a month ago with a chronic autoimmune disease that has been severely impacting my life for a long time without my knowledge: coeliac disease. Basically, my intestines see gluten as something to defend the body against, and that not only causes painful indigestions but also damages the intestines over time, so much so that the body starts having trouble digesting other things and getting nutrients from food. This has caused chronic pain, a miriad of ungodly symptoms like hair loss and skin rash, but honestly, more impacting? Chronic fatigue. I cannot express just how much psychological and emotional damage it has done to me, to have that decline of energy come in waves, but also steadily going down over years right up to now, where I spend most my days laying in bed, where sitting up in bed and booting up my computer is a “good day”, where I’m either sleepy, exhausted, bored out of my mind or frustrated that I can’t just be making the creative content I want to do. The self-esteem utter destruction, having to work through with myself that it’s okay to be idle and abandon all ambitions, to prioritize physical survival and keeping the will to live even as you stop eating to protect yourself from pain, struggle to keep up with your daily schedule and even thinking takes so much energy. My ipad, my accessibility tool that allows me to do something even as I can’t do anything irl, has become super old and dysfunctional. It gets overwhelmed easily and works slowly, closes randomly, corrupts art files and loads apps uncorrectly. Doing anything with it is either incredibly frustrating, time-consuming and difficult, or straight up impossible or a risk to lose work. I have a Metal Sonic artwork I’ve lost and redone twice, I’m currently taking a break from redoing it a third time. It’s been rough. But tbh, in another way, I relate to it? Massive brainfog energy, lmao. When I have to remind myself that machines are faillible too, I end up humanizing it and validate its struggles, even tho it isn’t alive and it just malfunctions because it is what it is. It has taught me patience and the ability to build back up work that I have lost. But hey, there ain’t no reason to add another layer of inaccessibility to my pile, and I ordered a replacement for it just today! I’ll be so much more productive and happy with material that works smoothly and allows for more. But anyways, back to flowergore.

Flowergore is vividly poetic, but I only realized why it has always appealed to me as a comfort/vent and cathartic aesthetic while drawing this: There’s an innate stillness and loss of control to flowergore. Pretty, but tragic. Illness stops being an evil, and becomes a simple product of life that does its thing regardless of the will of the soil it grows in. You have to tend to the plants, whether you trim them to get them under control or must care after them to coexist. No matter if you find the flowers pretty or not, it doesn’t change anything. The flowers aren’t an innate good nor a moral wrong, they don’t even have an opinion about growing on you. They don’t care, they can’t, they’re just flowers. And yet there’s something so comforting about it, something that can be sad but that can just be peaceful, too. It’s about living through the effects, and dealing with the weeds as they come and go. Resigning yourself, or the process of getting there. It’s about acceptance, and compromise. I think flowergore has innate ties with disability and illness that can’t be denied, nor broken honestly, when you think about it. I also think it can represent/relate with dysmorphia a lot, bodily or otherwise. In my case, I have various skin and sensory issues that give me dysmorphia, and an otherwise “I hate my body and my body hates me” feeling. The stillness of flowergore often resonates as fatigue, sadness or anguish. It personifies the illness in a way that you can better reflect on your relationship with it, and your relationship with your body & yourself, in a way that allows you to better vent about them. It’s very healing.

These sort of things are the kind of thing that sometimes, you kind of have to personify to distance it from your identity and properly cope with them, you know? Or it’ll just consume you. Even way before I developed my disease, or was regularly fatigued, I loved flowergore, and I think it’s just... A really nice way to frame things weighing you down, that you just kinda have to deal with and process through. Even vague or “normal”/”light” things, like fatigue or negative thoughts, feelings or insecurities.

And don’t get me STARTED on the metaphors and feelings of plants sprouting from an inorganic machine. It’s the classic “sprout growing from a crack in concrete” dystopia trope, except with a negative punchline hah. I’ve always loved to humanize the dehumanized: robots, antagonists and otherwise. I love having characters that feel like they’re on a high pedestral of innate difference and superiority away from others, but that makes them unreachable by default, deeply lonely and misunderstood for it, wether they’re truly an exceptional being or not. I love characters thinking that they’re above physical or emotional weakness getting a slap in the face and having to acknowledge their vulnerability and neglected/suppressed needs head on. I love the delusional, emotionally repressed with anger issues robot having a moment of clarity where he allows himself to be honest to himself for a bit, and resigns himself to the pain of his past and future, before returning to their regular schedule or self-destruction, or not. Ignoring is often the only option you can manage to choose when you don’t have the strenght to make a change or admit to something you didn’t want to about yourself, but ignoring is a lot harder when the proof grows ever bigger and more out of control everywhere on your body. It shouldn’t. It shouldn’t grow on you, impossible. But it does. So what are you going to do about it?

I think I finally get the appeal of hanahaki stuff too. I never understood before, but now I can see it in that same vein. Unreciprocated love causes flowers to sprout wildly, causing, at best, only body horror and/or wounds, when weeding them out or otherwise, and at worst proves to be fatal, most often by suffocating. Except that instead of illness or things like that, the thing you experience a lack of control over and feel some sort of detached destructive blame or resentment for is feelings. Feelings of love, like falling deeply in love, without your own consent, and the pain that being unloved brings. Your love, like a damaging parasitic disease.

Yeah, this isn’t gonna be my last flowergore content.

I didn’t end up talking about sketches, I don’t have the energy to and I don’t think it fits in with the rest anyway, but basically? It’s been an healing journey to allow simple, unclean sketches to be “enough”. To not be shameful, to represent progress and be pretty in their own right and a valid art format. And so, with all of this, I post my messiest sketch on social media to date. One of my very rare public wips. Freedom, baby. You get what you get, and that’s fine. Low standards art is part of my disability recovery arc ✨

#sonic #metal sonic #fuumiku art #my content #Fumi rambles #flowergore #metal sonic angst #angst #vent art #disability #invisible illness #chronic illness #flowergore art #personal update #wip #just bc it's a wip doesn't mean you're allowed to draw over it or copy thanks #is it flowergore if the body horror is robotic? my son is a real boy wdym #feeling like i'm taking too much space on my literal blog but it's fineee /hj

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eggjaculations · 6 months

Text

am i the only one that thinks news of someone in rehab is good? like a few of my friends have been to rehab and when they’ve told me i’ve always been like “oh, that’s great! i’m so proud of you for making it thru that, it had to be scary and hard, no? how was it?” bc well…they’re always so embarrassed and i get it, but working on your mental and physical health should never be received with negativity; there’s a stigmatism around having mental (and physical!!!) health issues that has been touched on and recognized recently, and it’s a good thing that we’re working on getting rid of that judgement. but there’s still so much stigmatization around actually working on those issues that it’s sort of plateaued for now. (as more people who struggle with a wider array of issues gain more recognition for those struggles and are listened to by those who do not struggle in the same way—or at all, for that matter; though if that is even the case for most people nowadays is a different conversation—this negativity will slowly cease to continue through general understanding and empathy. we’re getting there, we’ve just stagnated at “acceptance” for now, and an overhaul of the entire system is needed to feel real change for those of us who have been cast out by society for various reasons.)

there’s this weird feeling i get when talking to able-bodied, NT people (usually born more privileged than those around them, also a diff convo tho…) about my struggles with debilitating mental health and reoccurring, chronic physical health issues where they are genuinely absolutely considerate of the fact that i have these issues—until it gets in the way of something they want you or expect you to do. god forbid, they find out you’ve never done it before, no matter what it is, no matter your reasons for turning down the offer. whether you have other obligations to your mental or physical health, (“no, sorry, i can’t come out tonight, i keep a pretty strict schedule for myself so i don’t have panic attacks or relapse, but thank you.” “no, i can’t come hiking, i have to rest my body so i can literally move this coming week.”) or if you simply don’t want to for seemingly no “good” reason (“no, i don’t want to go anywhere or do anything today because i’m feeling mentally overwhelmed, and if i push myself too far, i won’t be able to do the things i need to do tomorrow either, and i’ll end up wasting three days staring at the wall feeling guilty about it.”) it’ll often (not always, duh) be met with push-back and actual toxic positivity instead of support. (“one night won’t kill you! we’ll take care of you, and it’ll be fun, and a great experience!” “exercise is the best medicine! a fun experience will recharge you for the week! it’s only a thirty minute hike anyhow!” “if you come out, you’ll see there’s nothing to be so anxious about! you’ll have fun and forget all about your worries!”) or if you mention you do or avoid certain things along your journey to get you wherever you wanna be that seem weird or menial, they will just laugh it off and ask you if all of that is really necessary (“i don’t think you need to journal every day, do you? i mean, does journaling even actually work? and scheduling time for it seems like overkill, just do it when you remember to!” “what do you mean you don’t play sports? like at all? you’re missing out on sportsmanship and teamwork!”) as if it wasn’t either prescribed to you by a mental health professional or something you physically can’t do.

like… yea, dude. i know it’s a hassle. but when it wasn’t, i wanted to die or stop existing or disappear. i’m where i’m at today not just because i accepted that i had issues to work on, but because it took a lot of fucking work and sacrifice to get here. and my continued existence depends on me continuing to do that work and make those sacrifices for my own sake. it does not depend on whether or not my friends can “keep me safe” from a world i have already been existing in for a while, because i’m an adult, and it’s not their responsibility. people with disabilities aren’t children; they don’t need to be “watched” or “taken care of” if and when they are actively telling you no. i understand the sentiment, and im sure it comes from a great place, but jfc just respect the boundaries people set, not just on you and others, but the ones they set for themselves. those are often the most important ones, and once that foundation starts to crumble, it’s only a matter of time before the rest of the entire system that’s been built up for years starts breaking off and eventually collapses in on itself.

#a very shitty form of peer pressure if i do say so myself.

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punkscowardschampions · 1 year

Text

Bibi (and co.) Pt.2

Bobby: She’s disgusting

Libi: They deserve each other

Bobby: Jim don’t, none of this

Libi: She’ll be telling him every gory detail

Bobby: What’s the point, he saw, we all fucking did

Libi: The point is, she’s hoping it’ll make her feel better telling him the truth

Bobby: what did he say

Libi: All the ways to tell me to shut up he could think of, all the ways to call me a kid who don’t know nothing

Libi: no sorrys, not even that he loves her

Bobby: She’s the stupid one if she thinks he does

Libi: But

Libi: I think he reckons he does

Bobby: He don’t, girls are just numbers to him

Libi: She’s always been different to those girls though

Bobby: Don’t you fall for it

Libi: From his POV not mine, his idea of what love is not mine

Bobby: She should know better, she has better

Libi: He said they were over before, said they’ve been for ages

Bobby: reckon that was news to Jim, don’t you think

Libi: It can’t be true, it wouldn’t be news to us if he was right

Bobby: They’re lying because they feel the guilt they should

Bobby: it’s bullshit

Libi: Yeah

Bobby: I don’t know what he’s going to do

Libi: I wish I did 🔮 I’d give you answers this minute if I had them

Bobby: If she begs he’d take her back

Libi: She isn’t gonna beg, she’d rather leave all of us than do that

Bobby: What’s that say about her then

Libi: Don’t please

Bobby: Sorry

Libi: If she goes I have to, if they’re not married then me and Jim aren’t related to each other any more

Bobby: That’s not how it works, he isn’t going to do that

Libi: Drew did as soon as it ended, when’s the last time he bothered with me?

Bobby: Jimmy isn’t like that

Bobby: Drew only wanted Ali really, not you lot

Libi: Why would Jim still want me around reminding him of how it used to be?

Bobby: Nothings even happened yet, she could fix it, you could make her

Libi: He don’t deserve that and neither does she, you said it

Bobby: He can’t be without her

Libi: Do you seriously want me to get her to stay?

Bobby: There’s nothing else we can do

Libi: Okay, I will

Bobby: Alright

Bobby: don’t let on, to either of them though, what you’re saying to her

Libi: I’ve said what I needed to Case and I have no idea of what to say to Jim, it won’t be a problem

Bobby: He wouldn’t speak anyway

Bobby: weren’t last night before

Libi: You’re right

Bobby: now I’m not a kid, he don’t bother

Bobby: like he used to

Libi: I get it, she as good as said last night I don’t need her

Libi: makes sense why now, she was planning to leave me as she wrote it

Bobby: For fuck’s sake

Libi: How could she?

Libi: why?

Bobby: I don’t even know

Bobby: it’s so messed up

Libi: [when you didn’t bring your inhaler cos you were forcibly ejected from the gaff and you wish you had purely for the comfort of it cos asthma attacks aren’t that sudden but we’re STRESSED and he’d know all of this because whatever she’s doing body language wise rn would have happened before in similar albeit less drama circumstances]

Bobby: [signing this aggressively at Casey which is probably just miming an inhaler honestly like you forgot and she needs it]

Libi: [him just getting her to do breathing exercises or something as aggressively because none of y’all are going back while JJ are mid having their convo and ensuing breakdown lads]

Bobby: [turning back ourself like fine I’ll get it then]

Libi: [Libi having to physically reach out and stop him so Casey can’t and doesn’t like it’s okay even though nothing is]

Libi: I don’t want you to go back

Bobby: This is stupid, it’s my house, you can’t breathe

Libi: It’s their house too and whatever they’re doing I don’t want you there for

Bobby: Fine

Libi: I am, okay? As far as breathing anyway, his fucking suggestion worked, like it or not

Bobby: just leave it then, for a second, please

Libi: [holding a finger up like fine have a sec]

Bobby: [just go sit by yourself for a minute boy]

Libi: [me like not you being left here with Casey and this dog, just fuss Chubby while you try not to blatantly stare at Bobby from afar]

Bobby: [I’m getting angry but you’re meant to be like Jimothy so you just have to go be silent and brood so]

Libi: [him having that anger too but trying to pretend he doesn’t so he’s more like Jimmy than Casey is too real]

Bobby: [super healthy well done guys]

Libi: [oh lads, meanwhile Libi just trying not to cry on Chubby because not doing that in front of you Casey, she’s not drunk yet hun, channel your inner Janis too and don’t sob]

Bobby: [me like good luck dealing with this gal, not fun]

Libi: [just here with these two angry and scared boys that don’t know what the fuck is happening at the JJ gaff rn, but neither do you, eventually though, after he’s actually had some time to chill, more than he asked for]

Libi: Let me in, I don’t care how dark it is in your head

Libi: [and shining her phone torch at him like a nerd but also it would get his attention probably so fair play]

Bobby: [cover your eyes like ow, don’t blind me]

Bobby: I’m fine, not my missus

Libi: Only one of them’s acting like it, but they’re both your brothers

Bobby: cheers for the reminder

Libi: You’re allowed to be upset, yeah, there’s your reminder of it

Bobby: There’s no point

Libi: You’re such a lad sometimes

Bobby: It’s not productive, end of

Libi: It doesn’t matter

Bobby: Yeah, it does

Libi: We’re not living in some Orwellian dystopia

Bobby: Kicking off when he’s not the victim is what Casey does, not me

Libi: Standing up for yourself and your family isn’t kicking off, it’s more valid than anything he does

Bobby: What’s to stand up for, nothing, Jim wouldn’t want that

Libi: He gets it wrong too, all the adults fuck up cos they’re only human, same as us

Bobby: He hasn’t done anything wrong

Libi: Taking her back might be

Bobby: Then don’t help if you think it’s such a bad idea

Libi: I’ve already said I will

Bobby: You’re blatantly on her side so don’t bother

Libi: No I’m not

Bobby: She’s your family, like you said

Libi: Ian’s yours, you’re not on his side

Libi: or Casey’s

Bobby: I can tell

Libi: I wondered about him taking her back being a shitty idea cos I’m on your side, yours and Jim’s, and I don’t want her to hurt either of you a second time if he does

Libi: you’re my family too, you dickhead

Bobby: He loves her, it’s not your decision to make

Libi: She’s supposed to love him back, not decide to do what she did with Case

Bobby: Then you may as well wish them the best and send them on their way

Libi: If we’re not looking out for him, who is?

Libi: you don’t really want him to be treated like that

Bobby: That’s enough

Libi: Bobby

Bobby: I’m done talking

Libi: I’m not your enemy, I haven’t done anything except be related to her

Bobby: I just don’t want to talk

Libi: Alright

Bobby: [Good times all round, wait ‘til you get back and are not allowed in]

Libi: [not at all awkward getting made to go to mcvickers gaff with this dog and none of your own stuff and you don’t even know how long for]

Bobby: [casually not speaking but you have nowhere else you can go boy]

Libi: [it’s horrible and I hate it, thank god you would have an inhaler there gal cos it’s one of your many places to crash, excuse us just gradually working ourself into an asthma attack casually with this stress trigger, nothing to see here… I’m not letting you have one though girl, use that inhaler like it’s your job so you can be present and look after this boy, even if that’s only giving him his fave foods and putting on his comfort films as well as giving him as much physical comfort as he’ll let you]

Bobby: [sorry there’s so little I can say except going through the motions like it’s our job currently, don’t see that changing in this period when you two are stuck here and don’t know what’s going on]

Libi: [it’s valid sir but it probably does mean we should switch back to a Libi and Janis convo, do you think we should do it when Bobby goes home like where the OG Bobby and Janis one was or before?]

Bobby: [Hmm, like there was plenty of time before we sent him home where Janis was coming and going deciding what to do so we could probably say it’s before if we wanted?]

Libi: [yeah, that’s my thinking cos she was very busy with the jj and jc drama both but as it’s not an IRL convo there are still moments it could fit in, so I’mma say she’s coming at Janis with every single detail of every single jj moment she has filmed recently like look how happy you were I don’t understand, cos blatantly rewatching all the jj content and over-analyzing it all instead of sleeping or whatever, the wedding vid is defs included which upsets me personally, but you what I’m saying, everything and anything cos we all know who her parents are and how much they filmed]

Janis: You’re going to make yourself unwell if you don’t stop

Libi: You’ve already made everyone unwell, don’t act like you care now

Janis: All I care about is all of us coming out of this okay, what do you think I’m doing right now

Libi: I’d rather not think about it, it’s more than likely exactly what you and Casey were doing last time I spoke to you

Janis: No, don’t say shit like that

Libi: Nobody else will, Case’s too loved up and Bobby and Jim aren’t talking at all

Libi: someone has to tell you you’re a fucking liar and a hypocrite

Janis: Go ahead but I’d be lying more if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind before you said it

Libi: I don’t want to hear what’s on your mind, you’re sick in the head for this

Janis: He’s an adult, whatever you rightly think about the cheating

Libi: He wasn’t when he started feeling like this, whatever Bobs said before you made your boyfriend take us on dog walk and he stopped speaking to me

Janis: Newsflash, neither was I, none of us were

Libi: You are now, you’re supposed to be

Libi: and married to his brother

Janis: I know

Janis: supposed tos never stick like they’re meant to, if our family has taught me anything

Libi: So you destroyed it? Tah for teaching me the lesson of who you really are and how little my family means to you

Janis: They’re my family too, Libi

Libi: Not anymore, you’ve lost everything and you’ve taken it from me too

Janis: If that’s what everyone decides

Janis: there’s no reason Jimmy and Bobby won’t still want you around, regardless

Libi: He’s already decided I’m on your side, as if there’s anything I could possibly defend, or I’d ever want to try

Janis: He’s upset too, you have to give him some time, that’s just what they’re like

Libi: Spare me your advice, you were right, I’m smarter than you and I don’t fucking need you, both of which are just as well

Janis: Sure thing

Libi: Yeah, why would you fight for me? You let him just chuck me out and ship me off to nan’s

Janis: You can’t be here, you could go to mum’s, anyone’s

Janis: I don’t have anywhere else but Jimmy needs space, like Bobby but I’m not going to lecture you when you know best and I’m in the position I’m in

Libi: I can’t leave him, or take this dog Case left us with to a house full of cats, chickens and goats

Libi: I’m as stuck as you, the difference is, that’s not my own fault

Janis: Yeah and that’s shit, however shit it is doesn’t mean I can magic up a house for you, Jimmy needs it the most right now, end of

Libi: You did magic up a house for me, then you made it disappear

Janis: It’s temporary

Libi: No it isn’t, whatever happens next, it’s built on sand now

Libi: you said it, we can’t pretend, I know it and that’s why Bobby hates me

Janis: He does not hate you, he doesn’t want to talk about it, it’s different

Libi: He wanted me to make you stay, but I can’t do that when you can’t be trusted, when Jim doesn’t deserve being treated like this and you don’t deserve more chances to hurt him, or Bobs, or me

Janis: Neither of you can make me or Jimmy do anything, it’s our relationship

Libi: Your relationship is over and all he can do is shoot the messenger

Janis: That isn’t how it works when you have ties, as an adult

Janis: he isn’t just some random boy from school I never have to see again

Libi: Don’t patronise me, sleeping with his brother is a decently final way to sever those ties

Janis: Well I’m sorry but you clearly don’t see the whole picture here and I’m not going to wallow in self-pity in the hopes it cheers you up, it won’t, I can’t do that for you, we’re both aware

Libi: It isn’t about me

Janis: Not entirely, or even mainly, no

Janis: it’s affected all of us, still, I’m not saying otherwise

Libi: Bobby has nowhere else to go when all he wants is to get away from me, that’s the picture I’m staring at right now

Janis: You could leave, you singular

Janis: he’ll be safe, as will the dog

Libi: I’ll be abandoning him, like his mum, like Ian and like you

Janis: It’s not the same

Libi: It’d feel the same to him

Libi: and if he wanted to talk, how could he?

Janis: I don’t think it would, I think you don’t want to leave

Janis: He has a phone, so do you

Libi: Maybe I’m as selfish as you and I only care about myself, right?

Janis: It’s understandable but you aren’t going to break through until he’s ready

Libi: Putting an even bigger distance between us isn’t going to solve anything, it never did for you

Janis: Alright, good luck then

Libi: That’s like a first day of school goodbye thing to say, it doesn’t work here

Janis: What I can say to help is minimal, we’ve agreed on that, so if you’re gonna disregard what I do then, what else?

Libi: I don’t know, it isn’t my place to tell you how to help me

Janis: When I know more, I can tell you but there isn’t anything that points to you going back yet

Libi: I’m not in any rush to go back to the scene of your crimes and have to face them as though they’re mine cos we’re unfortunately related

Janis: You aren’t being asked to answer for anything

Libi: I am, that’s what he is asking

Janis: When he can talk to Jimmy, he’ll set him straight, that isn’t his to ask for

Libi: Someone to blame who is actually going to stick around isn’t much to ask for anyway, I don’t care, I love him, I’ll do it

Janis: I’m sure you’ll get the thanks you’re after, in the end

Libi: Who can be sure of anything after this?

Janis: People break up, all the time

Libi: You judged everyone in our family for every mistake they ever made, like I said, you’re a hypocrite

Janis: No ones stopping you

Janis: and I’m not stopping you from making the same mistakes I did, or any of us, you can’t learn that shit second-hand

Libi: There’s no need to bother framing it as something you did all for me, you weren’t thinking about me at all, you still aren’t

Janis: Of course I wasn’t thinking about you, what a ridiculous thing to say

Janis: my entire reason for being doesn’t revolve around you, or Jimmy or anyone else

Libi: Then don’t open with the massive lie of caring if any of us are okay in the end, you did what you wanted, fuck the consequences for anybody

Janis: Yeah, you give up all personhood to make him happy, see if it works, see if you get fuck all out of it in the end

Janis: because Jimmy was no happier before this, just so we’re all clear

Libi: And Casey was only happy when he got an orgasm out of it, so forgive me if that’s not something I wanna attempt next

Janis: Then I’ll just bin him off too, it isn’t the point and you aren’t going to shock me with pointed references, I know what happened, we’re all adult enough to comprehend that much, even you two

Libi: What happened was disgusting

Libi: *you are

Janis: Alright

Libi: You should be shocked by your own behaviour, that’s the point

Libi: you haven’t even said sorry, neither did he

Janis: I’ll apologise for what I’ve done wrong, and how its affected you, I’m not apologising for things I don’t need to

Libi: Alright, say it, you’re still not telling me you’re sorry

Janis: *I apologise for what I’ve done wrong, and how its affected you

Libi: Just

Janis: I am doing everything I can right now to make sure Jimmy is okay, that’s my priority and really the only thing I can think about properly

Libi: I’m doing everything I can right now to make sure *Bobby is okay, that’s my priority and really the only thing I can think about properly

Janis: Yeah, I know

Libi: But you tried to make me feel bad for it

Janis: Not for caring, just suggesting other ways of going about it, if it’s not working

Libi: I already feel stupid, I already don’t trust myself or in anything

Janis: You haven’t upset him, it was me and what’s happened between me and Jimmy, you can’t fix that

Janis: we’ll talk to him, make him understand

Libi: He doesn’t want to talk to you, or understand anything from your POV

Janis: Jimmy doesn’t know the answers himself yet, Bobby has to give him time and so do you

Libi: It didn’t matter before who was related to who, why did you have to make it matter?

Janis: Yes, it did

Libi: We were just a family, all of us

Janis: You don’t believe that any more than the rest of us, not for ages

Janis: even when you were little kids you thought he was your boyfriend, not your brother

Libi: I was a little kid, I was copying you, I wanted to be like you

Janis: He’s not your brother, we’re not a family, beyond how we literally are

Libi: If I’m play acting, you created the game for me

Janis: You were a little kid

Libi: You made us a family, you taught me that’s what we were

Janis: I was a kid, I had no right

Libi: This has been my entire life, what am I supposed to do now that you want a new one?

Janis: I have no idea what my life is going to look like

Janis: I know doubling down on what I picked at 16 wasn’t the right idea either

Libi: Are you picking him?

Janis: Not if they’ll forgive him, that’s what I want, because they are an actual fucking family

Libi: Bob won’t and if Jim does it’ll be cos that’s what you want

Janis: They need each other, I’ll be fine on my own

Libi: You’ve never been fine on your own, you don’t fool me

Libi: nobody is, or can be, we all need someone

Janis: I’m aware of the consequences of my actions, contrary to what you reckoned

Libi: I can’t stop loving you, even as a consequence of your actions

Libi: I wish I could

Janis: I’ve done it before and I can do it again

Libi: No, I’m not 4, I’m not letting you

Janis: It's your wish

Libi: I’m aware how spoiled I am but don’t

Janis: We’ll take your lead

Libi: It isn’t comforting when I have no idea where I’m going

Janis: No, it ain’t

Janis: I’ll become as invisible as people need, that’s the plan, as much as there is one

Libi: I don’t need another invisible mum watching over me

Janis: Noted

Libi: You’ll get haunted by her if you try and leave me and she’s busy enough with Drew as it is

Janis: She’s probably been waiting ‘til I fucked up this bad, air all her grievances at once

Libi: Yeah, it’ll give me a chance to catch my breath

Janis: I’ve heard you

Janis: not that you needed to say it for my benefit, I already knew what you’d say before you did

Libi: You reckon you know loads for someone who just fucked up this bad

Janis: It had to happen, and would’ve

Janis: I could have handled it better, we all could’ve

Libi: It didn’t have to, you’re only saying it to make yourself feel better cos it has

Janis: Trust, it doesn’t make me feel better at all that it came to this

Libi: *trying to

Libi: It didn’t need to come to this

Janis: That isn’t how it felt

Janis: guess we’ll never know

Libi: I know she wanted me to have a brother, the happiest family possible, full of love

Libi: and I know I did

Janis: They aren’t going to shut you out

Janis: If that’s what you want it to be

Libi: It won’t be the same

Janis: It wasn’t already, it’ll change again, yeah

Libi: I can’t be an optimist about that sort of change

Janis: We can’t go back, no matter how much you may want to, you of all people know that better than most

Libi: I don’t want to be one of those people right now

Janis: Unfair, ain’t it

Libi: What do I have to give him if I can’t promise it’ll get better?

Janis: It will he can’t just expect magical solutions though, work has to be put in by all of us

Libi: It bloody won’t! And who would start talking to me again just to hear me say there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, there’s only more and more dark tunnel ‘til there’s none left

Libi: sounds like a student film made on a shoestring and at the very last minute before a deadline

Janis: If you two were happy before then you can be again because none of us were

Libi: Delude ourselves is the worst advice yet

Janis: then you need to accept the fact we were all miserable

Libi: Accept the fact I thought I was happy before you made a lie out of that

Janis: I’m sure you were, you weren’t in a failed marriage

Libi: No, I was in another sham family

Janis: Yeah, it happens

Libi: It keeps happening to me, if I’m such a jinx I probably should come with you

Janis: Our family is cursed, has been from the start

Janis: but you say that like I have anywhere to go

Libi: You have the same places I do, even though they are all cursed

Janis: Nah, I can’t do that

Libi: Why?

Janis: Because I’m 24, not 14

Libi: Your mum is always your mum, and yours isn’t dead, you could let her help you

Janis: This isn’t a school project, there’s nothing for her to help with

Libi: There’s a roof over your head, if nothing else

Janis: I can do that for myself, it’s okay

Libi: Self imposed exile isn’t okay

Janis: I’d rather deal with this with the people involved than get everyone in to comment

Libi: She wouldn’t comment, you’ve met her

Janis: Yeah she would, I don’t want to talk to her about my feelings, thanks

Libi: So talk to me, I’m involved

Janis: I think that’s probably one of those things you only want in theory, like

Libi: You were the one who said I need to accept how things are, tell me how they are

Janis: As much as I can, alright

Janis: Jim is in shock, we’re taking it in turns to look after him, he’s okay as in you don’t need to worry but obviously it was never going to be a good time

Libi: None of that is about how you feel or why you did it

Janis: like I said, I want them to talk and work things out but I know that’s a big ask full stop never mind now

Janis: and you know why I did it, surely

Libi: But if you can’t and won’t say it to me, how are any of us getting anywhere?

Janis: I’m not trying to shove anything in your face when I know you’re not going to like it

Libi: The visuals have been, before I was shoved out the door

Janis: Yeah, it wasn’t great

Libi: One of us is meant to have out of control hormones, and newsflash, it isn’t you

Janis: You’ve been lied to if someone’s told you that it gets better

Janis: it’s not just hormonal, sorry to report

Libi: You understand my meaning, you didn’t have to be so…

Libi: rabid about it

Janis: Rabid?

Libi: I don’t know, it was unnecessarily animalistic

Janis: you say it as if it was done with an audience in mind

Janis: if I’d have had a scarf going spare I would have hidden that from you, obviously

Libi: Well, you’d have both needed burkas

Janis: Try not to be funny when I know it’s no laughing matter

Libi: No, it’s not surprising Jim and Bobs are in shock

Janis: Alright I’ll invest in a burka or a red A, whatever you want

Libi: It’s too late to make a new first entrance back

Janis: If it embarrassed you, don’t you think I am?

Libi: It repulsed me

Libi: I’ve never been ashamed of you in my entire life before

Janis: God, I used to sleep with him too, you know

Libi: Yeah, so admit you have at least some of the same feelings

Janis: For it being cheating, yeah, I’ve told you

Libi: Bobby wants to write you off as stupid, or a slag, and I know you aren’t either

Janis: He needs to be angry, it’s as true as matters

Libi: It matters to me what’s properly true

Janis: It’s a moral judgment, that’s personal, I can’t decide it for you

Libi: You could decide to be with me as someone who doesn’t shut down every conversation, if you wanted

Janis: I don’t need you to think I’m not a stupid slag, if that’s what you think, then it is

Janis: You might feel different when you’re older and have your own experience or you might still feel the same

Libi: It isn’t what I think, he wouldn’t be angry at me if I agreed with him

Janis: It grosses him out, as well as all the actual emotional hurt

Janis: he’d rather not have to think about any of it but he doesn’t have a choice

Libi: I can’t get through to him

Janis: just because he thinks it about me, doesn’t mean he does all girls in general

Janis: people are allowed to be hypocrites to cope

Libi: He’s not allowed to shut me out to cope, not for this long, I hate it

Janis: I know you do

Janis: if I could make any difference and make him open up

Libi: I can’t sleep or eat or breathe

Janis: you know I feel awful for this, don’t you

Janis: I could go talk to Drew for old time’s sake, get you some sleeping pills

Libi: I’m not dying to be my mum and dad’s problem again instead of yours, even if they would give better advice than you

Janis: Probably

Libi: It’s already impossible to catch my breath, sleeping pills would definitely make me flatline

Janis: I wasn’t being serious, honest

Libi: You weren’t being funny either

Janis: Is it worth you going to the Doctors, or do you just have to manage the stress as best you can?

Libi: When is it ever worth going to the doctors? They baby me more than you and nan put together

Janis: I don’t know, I’m not the world’s leading Asthma expert

Janis: surely if you’re experiencing more attacks, you can have more medicine?

Libi: Worry about getting Jimmy to the doctors, that’s your priority

Janis: Yeah, because that’s going to happen

Libi: A visit to Drew is sounding less like a joke and more like something you’re seriously considering, isn’t it?

Janis: He doesn’t need any help sleeping

Libi: I’m not the leading expert on drug dealers but I think it’s safe to assume even the semi-retired ones hold onto more than a single type of pill

Janis: I’d rather he got therapy than someone else’s prescription

Libi: Is that going to happen though?

Janis: Definitely not in a position to force him, even if it was a pact to both go, can’t really see it ‘til the air is clearer

Libi: At least you’re in a position to force Casey to go, just do whichever one is his favourite

Janis: You *aren’t being funny either

Libi: Laughing isn’t the reaction either of us would have if you followed through on it

Janis: I’m not going to start telling you about my sex life, it’s no more appropriate just because you’re not a total baby now

Libi: I’m glad we’re stopping at you showing me all about it

Janis: I should’ve stayed away, ‘til the bruises healed, yeah

Libi: I wouldn’t have made you promise to come back that soon if I’d known

Janis: Aside from horrifying you two, I wasn’t trying to hide anything from Jimmy so, I was always going to come back then

Libi: That’s something

Janis: It shouldn’t have happened before officially ending things but it was the one event

Libi: You thought Casey might end up going to prison too, didn’t you?

Janis: Yes

Janis: we tried to let each other go, never be around each other for long, not alone

Libi: But then you thought you’d actually lose him

Janis: yep

Libi: I hate that I understand but

Janis: I basically made him be with her so it was my fault as well, the trouble he was in

Libi: What a fucking mess

Janis: and the rest

Libi: Still, I have the most questions about the dog

Janis: He missed Twix, it was an emotionally compromised time

Janis: and who doesn’t like having a dog around

Libi: I miss Twix too, now more than ever

Janis: And Shark

Libi: Being a teenager is so shit, I don’t want to

Janis: I don’t want you to either

Libi: I just want my mum, I just want things to make sense

Janis: Is Bobby awake? Or nan or granddad?

Libi: Nope, it’s me and Chubby against the world

Janis: He’s not quite hypoallergenic but he does give good hugs if you keep your inhaler on standby

Libi: [photo or vid evidence of this happening rn like yeah I know cos animals always know when you’re upset]

Janis: Good boy

Libi: I wish I had some idea if I’ll ever see him again after this

Janis: Of course you will, he isn’t being exiled for anything

Libi: He’s Casey’s, he’s as good as exiled from my life after manhandling me into a park against my will

Janis: I was talking about the dog

Janis: if you’d have stayed, you would’ve been traumatized, it was for your own good

Libi: So was I, the dog’s not ours

Janis: I’m pretty sure he’ll let you see it without demanding conversation

Libi: You weren’t there for our last conversation

Janis: I’m sure you said your piece

Libi: I’m not 100% sure what I said

Libi: everything… nothing? It didn’t do anything anyway

Janis: Don’t worry, he knows his role in this without the rundown

Libi: I envy him that much, I’d love to know mine

Janis: You wouldn’t wanna be him

Libi: I want to be me again

Janis: You’re just a teenager, you’re in there somewhere

Libi: If it was that simple you’d have nothing to beat yourself up over

Janis: I was wrong for hurting you all, not for what I felt

Libi: As a mixed up teen I’ve managed to work that out

Janis: I love him, even if I don’t ever get to be with him

Janis: and I still love Jimmy, even if we can’t be together any longer

Libi: I know, even if Bobby doesn’t

Janis: Boys get to be kids longer

Libi: I’d let him be forever if I could

Janis: You aren’t his mother either, don’t forget that

Libi: That label would stick though, at least

Libi: I don’t know what I am to him now that everybody else are breaking apart

Janis: It’s not as sure as all that

Janis: his real one left him

Libi: Mine left me, they’re still our mothers

Janis: We all know it’s more than probable his chose to

Libi: We’ll never know what choices were hers to make and which ones she made cos she didn’t have another

Janis: I’m just saying, maybe he doesn’t want the backstory, the fairytale

Janis: Some people’s mothers aren’t worth the title

Libi: I hear you, I’m just saying, what am I worth if he wants to forget our backstory cos it wasn’t a fairytale how he reckoned it was?

Janis: You aren’t a story, acting like it isn’t a good idea, not long term

Libi: I’m memories that are tainted, maybe it isn’t a good idea for him to keep me around

Janis: You let him decide, you can’t tell him or make his mind up for him, not tonight but not ever

Libi: Obviously

Janis: There’s nothing you can do but be patient with him

Libi: Right, I’m trying to be

Janis: It isn’t going to be easy

Janis: but if you care, which you do, then you have to

Libi: Easy is in the past

Janis: It never was

Libi: You could lie, for once, pretend that’s easy for you and comforting for me

Janis: You wouldn’t be this upset now if we hadn’t lied to you before

Libi: You had the truth all along and you’re upset, you, Jim and Case

Janis: Alright, true, this is shit regardless

Libi: But yeah, you should’ve said

Libi: I hate you almost as much for keeping that a secret from the start as I do how blatantly unsecretive you were by the end

Janis: I couldn’t have got further away without a plane ticket

Janis: but you can hate me for it anyway

Libi: I fucking can’t, it’s the worst part of all

Janis: I know how it feels, twofold

Libi: He needs me to hate you and I always said I’d do anything

Janis: Just lie by omission

Libi: There’s been too much lying, you weren’t wrong

Janis: Then he’ll have to get over it

Libi: Or we’ll let it ruin us and we’ll be just like you and Jim

Libi: the ultimate be careful what you wish for moment

Janis: Cheers

Libi: Getting a drink couldn’t be much easier, there’s that

Libi: cheers to granddad, like

Janis: That not a trigger, no

Libi: Chubby’s asleep now, I couldn’t escape if I wanted

Janis: I’d do the same if I could so

Libi: Somebody has to break at least one cycle in this family, since you didn’t, I’ll have to give it a go

Janis: Exactly the takeaway point, mhmm

Libi: When will I see you? Where will I?

Janis: When do you want to?

Libi: Now, but we can’t

Janis: It is a bit late

Janis: I’m sure they’re concerned enough with this impromptu dumping upon, no offense

Libi: So when?

Janis: Tomorrow is fine, Casey can stay with Jimmy

Libi: Except it’s not, either I’m sneaking ‘round behind Bob’s back like a cheater myself or telling him to his face I don’t care what he thinks and how he feels

Janis: If you can’t do it then I don’t blame you

Libi: I feel sick

Janis: Give yourself time to think too

Janis: it doesn’t serve anyone being rash

Libi: All I’ve got is time to think

Janis: You’ll be thankful you did

Libi: Thankful might be a bit strong, and Americanised

Janis: It’s all you’ve got so take it

Libi: Okay

Janis: If and when you want to see me, unless it meant I had to leave Jimmy alone for some reason, I’ll come see you, alright

Libi: Alright

Libi: and I’m sorry you haven’t been happy for almost my entire life

Janis: it wasn’t that dire

Janis: We had good times

Janis: but it’s had now

Libi: Yeah, past tense, I get it

Janis: We could’ve done something about it before now

Janis: but for a while, it was right and what we wanted

Libi: Do you still want me around?

Janis: Jesus, Libi, of course I do

Janis: that’s non-negotiable

Libi: It isn’t, you’re not my mum either

Janis: No but you aren’t part of the last decade that’s now a problem

Libi: It’s hard to accept that as a reality when the truth is everyone was miserable and I couldn’t tell

Janis: You and Bobby weren’t, you were kids, kids are allowed to be selfish and oblivious, that’s basically all childhood is

Libi: Meaning you weren’t allowed a childhood cos of me

Janis: it is not your fault I can’t trust my mother, never mind fucking Drew

Libi: I take it all back, you should do what you want now I’m not a child, be the selfish one

Janis: I’ll keep it in mind, Libs

Libi: Good, I don’t hate you, I hate me for what I did to your life

Janis: Don’t say that

Janis: Your parents died first, that’s the ultimate unfairness, whatever happened after

Libi: You knew her longer than me, everyone did, I don’t get to claim the most hard done by points, she died for you too and then I came along to make you live a life with me in the centre of it, that’s what’s unfair

Janis: You were a baby, a puny little one at that, you couldn’t make me do anything

Janis: I chose you and I still choose you

Libi: *the lack of other appropriate role models made you

Libi: and love, which is fucking up your life again exactly the same

Janis: You said yourself, you’ve got plenty of places to be, that none of them are that bad, only how I told it to myself and to you

Libi: But is that real or is it another lie?

Janis: It’s as real or fake as you need it to be, you get to decide now

Libi: No I don’t, I’m 14, if I decide everywhere is actually bad I still have to be somewhere

Janis: yeah

Libi: Yeah, like I said, being a teenager is so shit and I refuse

Janis: You’ve been one for a while now, try and opt out as much as you can

Libi: It’s a deal

Janis: One less thing to worry about

Libi: [an adorable pic of Chubby sleeping as if we can and are remotely able to look on the bright side about anything atm]

Janis: He’s cute, ain’t he

Libi: He’s a baby, most of them are cute

Janis: God willing

Libi: Unless they’re me and can’t wait to get out

Janis: What were you thinking, like

Libi: I wanted to meet her, who wouldn’t?

Janis: ‘course, fashionably late weren’t gonna cut it

Libi: Not with only [when you’ve counted exactly how much time you had with your mum, I’m fine] together

Janis: Exactly

Libi: She understood how important proper love is, you know the sort of thing she’d say if she was here to tell you instead of me

Janis: I hope so

Janis: never sure, if I’m doing her justice

Libi: Me either, I used to be surer, more sure than I was of anything else

Janis: She left you what she wanted you to know, you’ll always have that

Libi: She left me what she had time to, it was never going to be enough to last my whole life

Janis: If she was here, you’d have stopped needing it when you started remembering things yourself

Libi: But she isn’t, and one day I’ll be older than her, and there’s so much I can’t tell her and so much I don’t know

Janis: I know, it was a pointless fucking unfair accident and I’m already older than her

Libi: I don’t want to do things she didn’t get to do

Janis: You’ll end up doing them without realising

Janis: but there isn’t much she didn’t do, in fairness, that she wanted to

Janis: she always did

Libi: You heard me, do what you want

Libi: promise, okay?

Janis: Alright

Libi: Including telling me to shut up and get to bed, if you like

Janis: It’s not that, there’s something else to tell you, I had to talk to Jimmy first, it wasn’t intentionally keeping it back

Libi: You’re not sick, are you? You’re not going to die?

Janis: No

Janis: I’m not dying, no

Libi: It would make sense of your self destructive behaviour but I’m happy to hear you’re not

Janis: I told you we were trying to move on, properly, yeah, not let this happen

Janis: so, when I was with Jimmy, trying again, I came off the pill

Libi: No, I don’t want to hear this…

Janis: No more lies

Libi: Not you bringing a baby into a family that’s already messed up, not you too

Janis: It’s happening, I can’t get rid of it, I made it happen

Libi: After everything

Libi: What’s wrong with you?

Janis: You don’t get it, you can’t until there’s one inside you

Libi: I sincerely hope, with all my heart, that I don’t ever have to get it, that I never turn into you

Janis: Me too

Libi: I have to go, I can’t

Janis: [Let her go girl, you had to say it but]

Libi: [big yikes, if you think this is the worst it can get hun wait until Bobby is having a baby too]

Janis: [honey, you’ve got a big storm coming, thank God that news is still like 9 months away at this point lol]

Libi: [god, she’s already gonna go feral as is, you’re welcome it’s not immediate everyone]

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toomuchdickfort · 3 years

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So it turns out the sword someone tried to convince me would seduce and fuck pb is from souleater and. Screams

#you ever see a character and it makes you mad about something from like 4 years ago #fucking #screams #shoutout to when I spent like an hour trying to get it through someone’s skull that yes I was willing to do side rp with pb but no it is not #romanceable or fuckable. also he kept calling it ‘she’ which. gives me very bad vibes that I can’t entirely place beyond the ‘hes take such #good care of her ;)’ bs that I tried to steer very far away from as fast as possible #and that convo ended with a ‘do what you want I can’t physically stop you but it’d be out of character as hell if you did write that but #like. enjoy your sword smut ig’ when I decided I was too tired to deal with that shit past midnight on a school night #don't mind me #i’m just complaining #and all this came up Bc I saw someone cosplaying that excalibur on tiktok and.

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cinefairy · 3 years

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REASONS WHY YOU ARENT GETTING RESULTS

1. you have limiting beliefs; limiting beliefs can be anything such as: “i have to affirm 24/7 to get what you want” or- “i need to visualise perfectly so my mind knows what i want” thats not true, you just added those limitations/rules to yourself!

2. you do less manifesting and more overconsuming information- all law of assumption pages are the same tbh, we are just saying it in different layouts. its only up TO YOU, you need to take that first step, stop looking at techniques all the time or success stories because then you guys see one negative comment or something that doesnt sit right with you and then be like “omg i might not get what i want..” HELLO?? not everyone in the world is gonna agree with you or have the same opinions as you. theres 2828282 success stories and yall focus on ONE negative comment. thats foolish.

3. you look for every reason for why it might not work with you. ummm you do realise that you’re just making manifesting more harder for yourself if you do that right? like i dont think you guys understand that all this negativity you consume, the more you doubt, the more you look into the 3D and judgemental thoughts are just damaging YOU and only YOU. its not effecting me, its not effecting your favourite loassumption coach, at the end of the day its YOU thats gonna suffer. look for every reason for why it will work out for you! jfc you deserve better so think better for YOURSELF CMON.

4. you are not consistent at all- now, you need to be consistent. you need to persist and consist in that new assumption for it to harden and become a fact- if you were affirming how ugly you are. it will show, if you affirm how pretty you are, it will show. at first, it might seem unnatural- i completely get that but think, it might be unnatural now but soon enough that will become an automatic harden fact that will be in your reality! so get through it. GO ALL IN! AND ASSUME THE BEST FOR YOURSELF

5. your affirmations are might be a little too..manafactured, now dont get me wrong- use instagram and pinterest/tiktok affirmations all you want but do you really have inner convos like “i am consciously and always manifesting greatness for me luscious beauty blah blah blah” heck no. why are your affirmations you got from the internet so formal? is this a tea party. NO. talk informally talk however you normally talk idk why you guys are switching up how you talk- all you need to do is talk as usual but instead its for your own benefit and its positive like cmon!

6. you’re maybe a little TOO attached, now- once you assume. it is done, you have done it all, you can relax. and just let your subconscious or whatever work its magic, so why are you so attached to the outcome and when/how/why?. they’re so irrelevant when it comes to manifesting, your manifestation shouldn’t take up most of your mind to the point where you can’t do simple daily tasks or it messes you up physically and emotionally and if it does, you are attached. take a breather, relax..wind down. ITS ALREADY HERE.

6. your self concept is mostly likely JANKED UP. you guys dont realise that your self concept is so important when manifesting, its how you view life, its how you get manifestations faster, its how you enjoy life- not even kidding. get your self concept fixed, if you are switching getting anxious, getting mad every single time you see someones opinion then you need to get your self concept up, affirmations you can use:

“I AM A MASTER MANIFESTOR”

“I MANIFEST SO QUICKLY AND EASILY” (my fave)

“I NEVERRR HAVE ANY ISSUES WHEN IT COMES TO MANIFESTING”

#law of assumption #manifestation #affirmations #neville goddard #self concept

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forciela · 2 years

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isabela madrigal relationship headcanons !! ♡︎

note: i hc isabela as lesbian!! so this will be written for non-man reader.

masterlist ♡︎

• okay, first things first isabela KNOWS EVERY and I mean EVERY trick in the book

• every pick up line, the whole shabang

• it takes a lot to impress her i mean she’s been admired her whole life

• i think she’ll really be interested by someone who doesn’t y’know

• fall at her feet if that makes sense

• which is exactly you so ??? lucky you!!!

• you’ve never believed the “señorita perfecta isabela” crap

• when she shows up in your shop one day, you’re confused ?? but interested

• allegedly she’s on the run from the countless men in the encanto trying to become her mariano

• you laugh and she loves it

• you guys are quick friends and stay as friends for a while, she’s really into self discovery and really what matters rn is HER

• and you respect that completely even though she’s all you can think about

• the banter is chef’s kiss

• you aren’t sure if she likes you ?? but only bcs she won’t rlly explicitly say it

• but there’s signs

• she’ll accidentally burst with flowers around you and exotic flowers will just grow ??

• sometimes you’ll see her cousin camilo teasing her and you’ll be like !! huh !!

• isabela tells you to ignore it but you’re onto her!!!!

• she laughs extra hard at EVERY single joke you make

• and you know you’re really not that funny, maybe a little bit but not comedian level

• “i hate you so much”

• she says with the BIGGEST smile on her face

• late night convos on her bed

• her head is across your lap, you aren’t much of a talker and isabela is happy to fill the space

• you love it, she’s so passionate it’s adorable

• so about isabela, she’s always thinking of others and their needs

• her whole life was spent trying to make her family happy

• so when YOU take care of her and ask her what she wants without HER having to do anything for it ?

• she’s so confused

• but slowly she realizes she doesn’t NEED to do anything for your affection, you just love her because she’s her

• no strings attached

• as isabela learns about herself she’ll definitely start taking the initiative more

• love and the idea of sapphic love itself are REALLY new to her

• she wants to kiss you SO bad and you look SO good every single hour of the day

• but she physically CANT

• she’s shy and cute and you love to tease her when she does nice things for you

• “i’m trying to do something nice here, can you stop? just for a second? please?” she’ll storm off and you run after her apologizing even though you don’t mean it bcs she’s too cute

• you guys are so far gone it hurts sometimes and everyone in la casita is tired of it

• luisa and mirabel devise a plan

• of course camilo and dolores have to get in it, antonio even rounds up his animal friends

• one night, mirabel calls you both down

• and what do you guys see ?!

• the freaking courtyard full of roses (where did they even get those?!)

• there’s a table with two seats sat at the center with drinks & julieta’s beautiful dishes

• the sight made her burst into a million flowers

• you can’t help but grin

• “we got really tired” dolores would apologize to isabela as hundreds of cactus pop up to murder her

• isabela can’t believe she’s in on this too

• you’re more than happy and pull up her chair

• she’s a little awkward and taps her glass trying to figure out what to say

• you’re patient and she loves you for it

• she decides to stop being a pussy and finally just say it

• “i love you, alot”

• it sounds so good to hear, but it’s too golden of a moment to let go

• “tell me something i don’t know”

• “you are such an ass”

• she almost gets up and leaves but you’re quick on your feet and pull her in for a kiss

• she tastes like heaven and hell and you can’t get enough because wow ,, you’re kissing isabela madrigal and she’s kissing YOU back

• you both end up laughing in the kiss bcs how the hell did y’all end up here ??

• “i’ve always loved you, princesa”

• “yeah? then kiss me harder”

• believe me, you do

#encanto headcanons #isabela madrigal #isabela my beloved #cool family #encanto #madrigal #isabela x reader #lesbian isabela Madrigal

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extravaguk · 3 years

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sex education 2.0

pairing: college!au, jungkook x reader

summary: "Are you calling me boring?" Jungkook gasps dramatically, looking at you dumbfounded and visibly offended. You roll your eyes, taking a napkin and leaning forward to wipe the crumbs of garlic bread on his lips.

"First of all, don't talk with your mouth full, you pig. Second of all," you stop to take a sip of your coke, aware of Jungkook's expectant eyes on you. "A little, yeah."

wordcount: 9k

genre: smut - angst(? not rlly - fluff, like tons bc im a slut for fluff

rated: m (duh!2.0)

warnings: alcohol and weed consumption, just jk and tae being bros having bro convos, switch!reader, switch!jk, but mostly dom!jk, dirty talk, glimpses of poorly written bdsm, reader being a jealous and ‘insecure little bitch’ (her words, not mine),slapping (dont worry i tried to make it funny), how i met your mother spoilers (sorry im a gemini i spoil shit), spanking, degradation kink, back at it again with the spit kink, slight anal play, beware!of jungkook being a sweetheart, a lil mean at the end but a sweetheart nontheless.

read sex education here!

Three months of being in an actual commitment with Jeon Jungkook, your brother's partner in crime since the young age of five and, therefore, a common denominator throughout your childhood and teenage years, has proven to you a few things you never knew you would discover about the boy himself: Jeon Jungkook is definitely not what you thought him to be.

You thought growing up with him would've been enough telltale about everything that made Jungkook be, well, Jungkook. He wasn't as immature as you had believed prior to the beginning of your relationship, he was funnier than you remembered -although maybe you found him funnier now that Taehyung wasn't in the picture to interfere with infantile inside jokes that you never were able to grasp-, and smarter than he had ever let you known before. Although you're sure the main reason his grades had started to improve was solely you and the way you rewarded him by opening your legs everytime he passed an exam.

But above all, if there was something that had truly surprised you about Jeon Jungkook was the fact that he was truly an absolutely and undeniably softie.

You loved it. Loved the random scribbled love notes he sometimes left in your backpack before kissing you goodbye to leave for his own class, loved the Spotify playlists he made exclusively just for you -with genres that varied between sappy and romantic and wanting to tear your 'wet ass pussy' in two-, loved the late night texts filled with emojis telling you how much he missed you when both of you were too busy doing assignments and studying to see each other -even if it hadn't even been 48 hours since you last saw each other-. You loved how careful and sweet and thoughtful he was. You really did.

But.

"Are you calling me boring?" Jungkook gasps dramatically, looking at you dumbfounded and visibly offended. You roll your eyes, taking a napkin and leaning forward to wipe the crumbs of garlic bread on his lips.

"First of all, don't talk with your mouth full, you pig. Second of all," you stop to take a sip of your coke, aware of Jungkook's expectant eyes on you. "A little, yeah." His mouth falls open and you supress a laugh. You really shouldn't be enjoying this so much, but there's something about Jungkook's reaction to his ego being bruised and that terribly adorable pout on his face that just makes your insides tingle with joy.

"What do you mean? I've had plenty of girls in bed before you, like a whole lot, and none of them have ever called me boring! They loved this adventurous and fun dick, alright? Why do you think-" you raise a brow, scrutinizingly. It still amazes you how with just a simple expression and no words needed, you can make all color from Jungkook's face banish and how quick he is to reach for your hand across his bed. "But I only love youuuu, and you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and my dick like, baby, have I mentioned how head over heels I'm for you?"

"Only like five times today." rolling your eyes again, you pull your hand from his to toy with the peperoni piece on your slice of pizza. Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat, he was starting to get truly concerned now. You couldn't possibly...?

"Are you not satisfied? I mean, do I not make you feel good or...?" there's clear worry in his voice and that makes you meet his eyes, shaking your head hurriedly. Now it's you who take his hand in yours.

"No! No, babe. I love sex with you! I love everything you do to me, I love how you treat me, I love how you make me feel. I'm a hundred percent satisfied, I swear, It's just..." you sigh, dropping your gaze to rub slow and reassuring circles to the ink adorning his skin. "All I'm saying is... I may also want to experience what all those girls have experienced with you, y'know... the not so vanilla stuff. But you always seem to be scared to try new things with me, and I don't know if it's because of m-"

"Baby," Jungkooks soft voice calls out to you, removing the pizza box in between the two of you to slide closer to you on the mattress. He craddles your face with his fingers, tilting your chin up to make eye contact with you. "_____, don't say that. I just don't ever want to cross any boundaries. I don't want to hurt you or do anything you might not like or regret later, you know that, right?" placing a small kiss on your lips, you hum in content nodding your head yes.

"I know that." you pull him for another brief kiss, oddly not caring about the faint taste of garlic and spice on them because that's what love will do to you. "But what if I do want you to hurt me? What if I want you to fuck my mouth with no mercy until I cry and slap my face after you've cum all over it while you call me a slut?" you pause, eyes meeting his through your eyelashes. "Or viceversa."

It's not that Jungkook is afraid. Because Jungkook is afraid of nothing in this world. He will murder any spider in his way, he will throw a punch to anyone who denies mint chocolate ice cream as the superior ice cream flavour -and he knows that means he will have to literally fight like the entire population on planet earth-, and he will Rey Mysterio you if you ever discredit or deny his incredible skills playing Overwatch.

Jeon Jungkook prides himself in being fearless in every aspect of his life. Except when it comes to you.

So yeah, maybe he was a little afraid. Because hearing you use the words 'choke', 'slap' and 'slut' in the same sentence did things to him that he didn't deem possible considering none of you were newbies anymore to intimicy. You have been together for three months, for God's sake, but you still made his cock twitch like the first day and he's sure in twenty years you'll have the exact same effect on him.

He didn't want his most primal instincts to overpower the respect and love he'd harboured for you since you were kids because at the end of the day, one, you were still his best friend's little sister, two, he appreciated you too much to ever cross any lines, and three, as cliché as it sounded, you were nothing compared to the girls he had been with previously. What he feels towards you cannot be compared to anything he had experienced before.

And fuck, was he in a predicament. Because you made him weak in his knees for you and you were not even aware of it. You were not aware of how badly he has wanted to explore and take things way further, way out of both his and your comfort zones. But he's terrified. He's terrified because all he wants is to to take care of you and what if he fails at the one thing he's swore to himself? What if he lets the darkest side of him consume him and at the same time consume you? What if he does actually hurt you, not just psichologically but also physically?

He would never be able to forgive himself. And neither could Taehyung.

And that, was also tormenting him.

Taehyung seemed fine with the two of you dating -or at least that blow to Jungkook's face seemed to ease things between them-, but Jungkook is not dumb and has felt his best friend slowly distancing himself.

Sure, they were still best friends and will ever will. Taehyung is loyal to Jungkook and Jungkook is loyal to Taehyung. Has been that way since they were five and that will not change just because Jungkook's caught feelings for his little sister.

But the phonecalls were not as often and not as long as they used to be; in rare occasions Jungkook could sense a certain type of awkwardness between them that really had never happened in their friendship, and sometimes Taehyung's jokes seemed to hold more truth than lightheartedness.

And to top it all off, Jungkook's dilemma regarding you was eating him alive and, usually he would turn to Taehyung for girl advice, only to later realize he was also frightened of doing that.

But a Friday night at 2 a.m, Jungkook decides he can't take it anymore.

"Sup, man." Taehyung's voice answers Jungkook's phone call on the second ring, like he always does.

"Hey, bro." Jungkook clears his voice, suddenly feeling self conscious. "Are you busy?"

"I don't know," his friend seems to be chewing on what Jungkook bets is red Skittles -yes, only the red ones- because he just knows him too well. "Are you busy still fucking my little sister?"

Taehyung chuckles at his own joke, but Jungkook doesn't. He knows there's no malice, but he can't help to think there might be. He settles for a sigh. "Yeah." he can hear some shuffling on the other side and the clicking of a computer mouse. Jungkook would also bet he was playing Among Us and he would lie if he said he wasn’t disappointed he hadn't called him to play with him. "Y'know what, it's not even important, I'll just call y-"

"Come on, man. You haven't even laughed at that and you usually laugh at everything I say even when no one else does." Taehyung swirls in his chair, his attention fully focused on his best friend. "Seriously, what's bothering you." Jungkook takes a deep breath, rubbing the side of his face.

"It's about _____."

"_____? As in, my little sister? Who you're fucking?"

"Tae, dude-"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Go on." Taehyung stiffles a laugh and waits patiently for Jungkook to continue.

"She um... Fuck, I hope this isn't weird, dude. I really do. She wants to like... rough it up in the bedroom, I guess? And I just... I don’t know... I'm terrified dude." There's silence filling the gap between Taehyung and Jungkook and Jungkook almost feels like throwing up.

"You're coming to me for sex advice... about my little sister?"

"I know, dude but... Who else I'm supossed to talk to? Jimin? Hoseok?" Jungkook sits up on his bed, an ugly knot beginning to form in his stomach. "I mean, you're my best friend," Jungkook swallows again, voice cracking. "...right?"

It's Taehyung's turn to sigh after a few seconds before he replies. "Forever and always, bro." His tone settles Jungkook's uneasiness. There's nothing but honesty in it. "Listen, Guk. I really don't know what kind of advice to give you because, literally, ew. But I do know my sister, and if that's what she wants and she's communicated with you about it, it’s because she trusts you. And I trust you more than anyone in my life. So there you go, man."

Relief washes all over Jungkook's body and he lays back on the bed again, heart not beating as hard as it was a few seconds ago.

"Thanks, dude." Jungkook smiles. "Sorry for calling you so late."

"No problem, bro." Taehyung smiles as well, swirling his chair back to his computer screen. A weight of his own being lifted. "Among Us next time?"

"Yeah, I'll let you know. Good night, bro."

Taehyung calls Jungkook's name before he can hang up. "Hey, man?"

"Yeah, man?"

There's a pause between them and then Taehyung speaks. "I love you, man."

Jungkook supresses the threat of tears about to spill because he knows Taehyung would try to bruise his other other eyebrow if he ever found out. Or hug him to death. Or both.

"I love you too, bro."

"This reminds me of the first time you gave me a blowjob." Jungkook chuckles, watching you get down on your knees between his spread thighs, make up free and sporting a similar low messy bun as that time he's mentioning, except this time you're wearing one of his hoodies engulfing your smaller frame. Proof that this time around, you're exclusively his and no one else’s.

"You mean the blowjob of your life." you giggle as you reach out to pull down his sweatpants, deligthed to see he decided on not wearing any underwear. Your spit on the back of your hand and immediately wrap it around the base of his rock hard cock while his own darts out to push the strands falling down your face behind your ear, heart eyes emoji looking down at you looking up at him.

Your tongue swirls around the tip timidly, swallowing the drop of precum oozing as he sighs heavily and lovingly. "Every blowjob you give me is the blowjob of my life." he unties your hair from the band holding it together because he prefers his fingers to be the hair tie, prefers to be the one to guide the bobbing of your head up and down his dick.

You hum in appreciation against him, cherry balmed lips wrapping fully around the head of his cock and he hums back. "Love seeing you on your knees for me with your pretty mouth stuffed, fuck." You take him deeper, closing your eyes.

Your hand moving accordingly to your mouth and your panties already wet, clinging to your folds. It's really not your fault Jungkook is the most delicious eye candy on earth and how fast can the mere sight of him make your pussy lips quiver. You slurp around the head obscenely , a moan of yours mixing with a moan of his. "Hands on your back."

You obligue, removing your hands and growing excited at the dominating low tone his voice exerts. The grip he has on your hair tightens and controls your motions, pushing you further down his dripping shaft until your nose hits his pubic bone. He holds you there, his own eyes closing shut and his dick twitching insde your mouth. A thrust of his hips make you gag and has one of your hands flying to tap his leg two times, letting him know you were in need for air.

He releases you, pulling you back until his cock is pulsating in front of you. He looks down at you, both breathless but the difference is you look so messy. Eyes watery, chest moving heavily and saliva leaking from your lips.

Yeah, there was a reason Jungkook hasn't been like this with you before. The sight of you submitting completely and looking so nasty was too much for him to handle. He might never want to see you any other way than this.

"Isn't this what you wanted, huh?" the free hand that had been supporting his weight on the matress grasps your face harshly, making you lock eyes with him.

"I thought you wanted me to choke you with my cock like a little whore?" you nod your head eagerly, unable to form words. Your pussy throbs, prompting you to rub your thighs to get some sort of relief as his thumb smears the spit adorning your lips. You're quick to envelop it in the warmth of your mouth, an involuntary moan leaving your throat. "Such a pretty slut," he lets his cock slap against your cheek, removing his thumb to move his hand back to his previous position. "Open again."

You do, his length entering your mouth again -that you gladly accept- and then he's shoving you down by your hair. "Shit, gonna fuck your mouth so good..."

And he does, not holding back anymore, his hand thrusting your head along his shaft until your throat tightens around him repeteadly, struggling for breath. But you take it, you take the aggresiveness and the degradation because fuck, you've been waiting for so long to know what this feels like. To have Jungkook be mean and have this type of control and power over you and you're enjoying it a bit too much.

"F-fuck, I'm gonna cum, leave your mouth open." he releases on your tongue, not able to look away from the image of you with tears falling down your eyes and mouth drenched with him and your spit, some of his cum staining down your chin and the corners of your lips that he gathers with his thumb and pushes back into your mouth. He groans, watching you swallow all of it like a good girl, your tongue grazing around his digit for the remainings, gaze not leaving his. "Let me grab my phone real quick, I need to take a picture of this."

You were definitely not the jealous type.

You prided yourself on being able to recognize when your behaviours were due to your own insecurities and removing all sorts of feelings of uncertainty from your mind. You never liked toxic patterns or the glamorization of them and your relationship with Jungkook was proof. You knew relationships were supossed to be based on blind trust and faith in your partner and yours definitely reciprocated in the same way.

"So can anybody tell me why Eunha is basically all over my boyfriend right now?" you wish you could blame your state on Hoseok's weed, who's sitting on the left side of the couch right next to you at the frat party. You really wish you could have an explanation for the way your heart tugged in such a weird way and your stomach swirled dangerously until almost making you nauseous. You really tried to blame your overthinking on the joint you had just passed to your friend.

You knew it was bound to happen someday, especially considering Jungkook had always been a ladies' man and the kind of attraction from both men and women he was able to manifest, willing or unwillingly. You just never thought it would happen so soon and in such way that made you clench your fists so tight and your nails dig into the palm of your hands so painfully.

"I mean, they did have like a long fling a few years ago, didn't they?" Seulgi, sitting on your right, chimes in.

That was true. Longer than most flings Jungkook ever had before you.

"Yeah, before she dumped him." Hoseok adds.

Your eye twitches and your jaw contracts. Because that, was also true, and it was mostly what was bothering you so much.

Had it been Jungkook the one to move away from his situationship with Eunha like with most girls, you wouldn't have such a problem with the way she's shamelessly leaning towards him from across the room. Or the way she's twirling a strand of her hair between one of her fingers while battling her lashes. Or the way she's hysterically laughing at whatever he was saying, because your boyfriend was funny, but he was not that funny.

You were not the jealous type, and Jungkook definitely wasn't giving you any reason to be, because as coquettish as the blonde was being or as provocatively as she was pushing her tits into his arm, he politely keeps his distance and tries to also engage with Jimin in conversation, leaving her pouting. But that wasn't enough to not make you start seriously questioning your feminist ethics right now.

"Wait, you're not jealous, are you?" Seulgi turns to you, offering you the joint -how long had you been focusing your attention on Jungkook and Eunha to not realize it was your turn again to smoke?-. You take it, hesitating between answering right away or taking a hit before doing that. You were never a good liar. You look between your two friends who are looking back at you with their eyebrows raised.

"I-" you close your mouth and run your fingers through your hair. "Maybe? I don't know what I'm feeling and I don't like it one bit."

"Aw, babe." Seulgi squeezes your knee, eyes showing you sympathy. "Jealousy is a natural response to any relationship."

"I know..." you take the joint in your hand, taking a long drag before letting the smoke out. "I just don't want to sound like an insecure little bitch!" you whine. "I don't want to be like 'Oh, why would Jeon Jungkook, a God of the Olympus, dare give his attention to a peasant as unworthy as me!?' Like no, he's just a man. A little less mediocre than most but a man nontheless. I'm not going to doubt myself or other women just because he's more beautiful than most, and hotter, and funnier and has a massive co-" you notice you're getting carried away by the look of disgust in Hoseok's face and Seulgi trying to hold back a laugh.

"Anyways, he's lucky to have me. We're both lucky to have each other but sometimes I feel like I might be the luckiest out of the two. And seeing Eunha looking so pretty and throwing herself at him is triggering me because..." you pause to take a deep breath and lounch back on the couch. "What if he realizes one day that I'm luckier than he is and he could be luckier with someone else?"

There's, ironically, a long silence. Ironically because the sound of Travis Scott making the walls tremble is anything but, until Hoseok speaks.

"I think you feel that way because you still haven't seen how that boy looks at you, _____." and then he motions to the spot from across the room you had been observing for too long, the spot where Jungkook is now glancing at you after noticing your detectable distress, with a frown on his features.

'You okay?' he mouthes, his fist raising in the air in a thumbs up, questioningly.

Your heart jerks, and not out of bitterness or envy caused by a girl trying to get your boyfriend's attention. Because his attention is always entirely on you, no matter how many feet are separating the two of you.

'Yes' you mouth back, with a nod of your head and an encouraging smile that has formed itself on your face. He beams as well at you. Mouthes an 'I love you' and puckers his lips in a flying kiss that makes you giggle. You mimic him, your heart tight against your chest.

Hoseok is right. You have nothing to worry about.

Jungkook is in love with you. Sometimes, he thinks, he's too in love with you.

"Can't believe I'm letting you do this."

"Can't believe you're such a pussy."

Jungkook huffs in annoyance. He would smack your ass right now if his hands weren't restricted by a scarf of yours he had never seen before to your bedpost. He would also send you a mean look if his eyes weren't covered by the only tie he owned and had so generously lent to you.

When you mentioned you wanted to try this, he expected you to be in this position. Not the other way around.

He's sprawled on your bed, only his boxers covering him as your legs straddle his waist and you tighten the hold of the scarf around his wrists sternly. He winces and manages an 'Hey!' He knows you're only wearing your panties because he can't feel anything else and he's felt one of your naked tits brushing his face as you tied him up. He also tried to catch one of your nipples in his mouth as a form of punishment, to no use because you swiftly backed away from his attempt.

"I've never been a bottom before, this is new for me." he says. He really doesn't mind any of this. He's just not used to it. He knows he'd be lying if he said it didn't turn him on a little bit, even if he'd rather be the one to have you completely unmoving and naked beneath him. Especially now that you're skimming your nails up and down his torso.

"Mm, good to know." your lips follow the path your fingers created, from the center of his chest up, moving steadily and tracing soft kisses over his flesh.

"Don't worry. I'll be gentle." you croon, dragging your tongue from the pulse of his neck to his earlobe, nails scraping lightly over his left nipple. Jungkook shudders, air sucked in through his teeth as his mouth opens on its own. Taking advantage of this, you place a kiss on the corner of his lips before slipping your tongue inside.

He answers simultaniously, his own tangling with yours, swallowing each other's moans. Your hips set a slow peace, clothed cad core griding over the length poking between your thighs. His hips move unvoluntarily, trying to find some sort of friction to make up for the fact that his hands are unavailable to knead your ass and pull you closer, if that was even possible.

You separate from him, raising on your knees. Jungkook whines in protest, hips buckling up from the mattress to try to meet yours again.

"Jungkook, I'm serious, stay still!"

"I take it back." his voice shaky and hands straining against the tight hold the scarf you tied around has on them. "I don't like this. Untie me so I can fuck you, babe." he complains. You sit on his tiny waist, your thighs trying to stop his movements.

You take a moment to assess him. He looks too beautiful for his own good: hair courtaning his forehead, biceps bulging and abs flexing. You can't see his eyes but you know they might be glassy. You bite your lip to supress a whine of delight. You almost consider doing as he says. Almost.

But you mantain your ground. Your jealousy from the other night had been crawling slowly from within these past few days and since you couldn't take it out on Jungkook any other way because he really wasn't to blame, you figured you'd try something new to punish him and let some of your supressed anger vanish.

Twisting your body back to pull down his boxers, not all the way, just enough to have his cock springing free from the confines of the fabric and slapping against your asscheeks.

"Has toxic masculinity seriously polluted your brain so much you can't take this seriously?" you fall forward, one of your hands balancing you beside his head as the other wraps around his neck, a tentative hold not yet to constrict his breathing.

He gulps, his body's tense and his Adam's apple is prominent under your touch. All he can see is black but he'd do anything to watch your pretty tits bouncing in front of his face. "I don't like this conversation either." he pouts.

"Then why are you so hard?" you grin, holding yourself back from laughing as he hesitates for an answer. You lean closer, mouth against his ear as you whisper. "I'm so wet right now, I could take you just like this. No lubrication at all and my pussy would just swallow your dick." Feeling his girth still between your ass flutter, clearly affected by the sultry tone of your voice. You remove your hand from his neck seeing as he has stopped moving obediently. Reaching back, you slide your panties to the side and align your entrance to the head of his leaking cock.

"Fuck, baby, please~" Jungkook's pleads fills the air, hips desperately back in motion and sliding just a few inches inside your drenched heat. The warmth envoles him instantly, your pussy pulsates around him and neither of you can't help the in synch groans tearing from your throats.

"Just the tip" you lick your lips, your voice betraying you as you resist the urge to glide the rest of his lenght inside your quivering core.

"Just the tip, my ass."

Out of sudden, Jungkook is swiftly lifting his hips from the matress, sinking all the way in. You cry as your body jumps forward, face hidden in the juncture of Jungkook's sweaty neck. His thick cock stretches you out as nice and deep and perfectly as he always does. You mewl. This was not supossed to happen at all.

"See? This is what you really wanted." you can hear the chuckle threatening to spill from his lips, anger starting to boil inside of you again.

Regaining a little bit of your lost control, you lift yourself on your trembling knees and sit back again, the tip of his dick hitting your cervix. You groan in unision, placing your hands on the hard planes of his chest and steadying yourself to try to reclaim your dominance. Finding it troublesome, because Jungook is set on having it his own way, his thrusts meeting yours in perfect synch.

You really shouldn't feel your climax approaching so soon but somehow battling for control while bickering with Jungkook is about to send you over the edge and that's making you even more annoyed.

"I swear to God, Jungkook. If you don't stop moving and shut the fuck up..." your murmur through gritted teeth, jaw slackened and eyes fluttering shut.

"What?" he spats, breathing rugged and voice coarse. "If I don't shut up, you'll wha-"

The sound of a sharp smack echoes inside your room and Jungkook's movements freeze on the spot. His head is turned to the side from the impact, and a faint print of your fingers is adorning his already stinging cheek. None of you mutter anything for a few seconds, until concerned words start to rush out of you.

"Ohmygod, Jungkook, I-"

"Did you just slap me?" Jungkook is unmoving, his mouth agape and you can picture the incredulous expression his eyes might be oozing. "Baby, what the fuck?!" You're mortified. Your hands cover your mouth and your eyes, wide open, stare down at him although he can't stare at you back.

"Babe, I don't know why I did that, you wouldn't stop talking and I know that's not an excuse but it-"

"It was fucking hot." a breathy laugh in disbelief leaves his chest. Your forehead creases, hands falling down to your chest to try to steady your incessant heartbeat. His tongue darts between his pearly teeth, a smug smirk on his features. An eyebrow of yours raises as you size him up, the realization that his body is completely motionless now hitting you.

Lurging forward, you pinch his jaw between your fingers, your hips carry on their grinding on their own accord. He releases a raspy moan, your walls clenching around him as another hit strikes his cheek, softer this time.

"You gonna be good to me?" you mutter against his lips. He nods slowly, his mouth salivating as your hips swirl on top of him. He blindly tries to reattach his mouth to yours, but you dodge him, going for the skin of his clavicle instead. "Can I fuck you slow like this until you're filling me with your cum?" He squirms when he feels you sucking a pretty purple bruise on his flesh, your cunt dropping all the way down his cock, leisurly grinding against his pelvic bone, looking yourself to find some relief to your clit.

"Ah!" his head tilts back, back slighlt arching as you soothe the mark on his neck with your tongue. "That m-might be s-sooner than you think, babe" he admits timorously, swallowing the lump in his throat, the veins on his neck on full display.

You sigh in content because, thankfully your orgasm is also closer than he thinks it is. "M-me too-" you gasp, your face buried on his shoulder, letting your fingers brush his ebony hair, nails gently scrapping his scalp as you keep the tortuous movements of your hips against his, his girth hitting that spot just right everytime until you feel the knot in your tummy finally snapping. "C-cum, J-Jungkook, I-m-"

Jungkook doesn't need to be told twice because he has been holding back from it for a while now, not really willing to admit he was enjoying this as much as he was. With a thrust of his own fused with the way your pussy is tightening around him it's enough to send him over the edge, an unpredicted cry emanating from his vocal chords harmonizing with your own, his whole body tensing as your walls milk every single drop of his cum.

For several minutes you stay just like that. Jungkook's hands still tied, blindfold still on, his mouth still agape as his chest rises and falls until his breathing becomes steady again. And you, on top, your fingers tangled in his dark locks, your breath fanning against his neck and his release dripping down your thighs. You stay like that until your body starts shaking with uncontrollable laughter.

Jungkook tilts his head towards yours, eyebrows furrowing and eyes still covered.

"What was that noise?" you manage through your giggle fit. "'Aaah!'" You've never made a noise like that before, I can't- it was so funn-"

Even while still being strained and blindfolded and with you making fun of him, a loopsided goofy smirk starts making an appearence on Jungkook's features.

Fancy dinner parties were never your thing.

Wearing heels that were too high -specifically to try to match Jungkook's height-, a new expensive dress that you were surely going to return as soon as the event was over because you definitely could not afford it and socializing with Jungkook's clique was definitely not the way you envisioned your Saturday night going.

At least Jungkook had barely been able to keep his hands for himself at the sight of you wrapped in emerald green silk and lace. But even that couldn't make you feel less uncomfortable and out of place.

Yugyeom, one of Jungkook's friends, had definitely more money than your boyfriend had previously let you know. Apparently, being a 'lil rich' as Jungkook had mentioned meant booking a luxurious restaurant to hold a dinner party with at least fifty people who looked just as 'lil rich' as Yugyeom's Gucci tuxedo.

'It'll be alright babe. Yugyeom always insists on celebrating his birthday like it's an Oscar after party. We'll just eat some of that disgusting caviar and then head home to watch Netflix, I swear'.

And yes, caviar was gross, but so was the fact that Jungkook had failed to mention a certain someone would also be making an appearence.

After introducing you to a few of his friends and realizing that Mingyu's frendliness and amiability helped you feel more relaxed, he had excused himself to the bathroom, leaving you and his friend to entangle in a heated conversation about How I Met Your Mother's finale season.

You were thankful for Mingyu's humble nature and easygoing talk for a few minutes until you finally spotted your boyfriend making his way back into the room, stopping in his tracks to acknowledge a group of friends from his class.

Again, you wouldn't have such a problem with a certain blonde if she would just stop looking at Jungkook with stars in her eyes and pressing her cleavage against him while playing with her hair. It was hard to keep track of your conversation with Mingyu while Eunha was standing right next to your boyfriend and seemingly ogling up at him. It was also hard to not let your mind waver to dangerous territory when you took notice of how disgustingly good they looked together.

Just two attractive people who would look disgustingly good together.

Mingyu's voice makes you turn back to him.

"...I don't know, like, Barney was a womanizer until Robin, you know? He changed for her! They were just perfect for each other, but they had to throw it all away by killing the mother and then making Robin marry Ted? And Barney going back to his old ways?" Mingyu sounds exhasperated and you would laugh and find it cute if your stomach wasn't tugging again in a way that made you regret drinking so much wine so fast. Specially after his last statement.

"That's what I'm saying." you mumble, turning your attention back to your boyfriend in the crowd.

Jungkook wouldn't go back to his old ways. He loves you. There's nothing to worry about.

But as you watch him start to make his way towards you, you also watch the way Eunha grabs the sleeve of his blazer to pull him back. She leans in, whispers something in his ear to which he just shakes his head, says something that it's impossible to decipher from here you're standing and simply walks in your direction.

Still, as much as you tried to be neutral and objective and not a 'jealous little bitch', it's almost impossible to hide the sour expression on your face. It's impossible to unclench your jaw throughout the entire evening or lose the too tight grip on your glass of wine. Even when Jungkook whispers in your ear if you're okay, you merely nod yes. You avoid eye contact with him and everytime he tries to slip your hand into his, you dodge him it by wrapping your arms around yourself, claiming how cold it is.

Jungkook is not dumb.

He know something's up but he's also not stupid enough to cause a scene in public or preassure you into talking. So he settles on wating and being patient. Even as he slips his jacket on your stiff shoulders with pouty lips and his eyebrows drawn together, all he does is press a small kiss to the back of your neck. It takes all power within you to not throw yourself in his arms.

But as midnight approaches and it's time to leave, you notice a change in Jungkook's behaviour as you say your goodbyes. His hand on your back is not just a soft caress, instead, his fingers pull you closer, dig into your skin as he drags the both of you to where his car is parked. Now it's him who avoids your gaze. His tensed jaw and his tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek is a visible indicator that Jungkook is pissed.

You know his body language as well as he knows yours. And now, as he opens the door of the passanger seat so you can slide in, the guilt and the remorse of acting cold towards him for hours is finally dawning on you.

"Are you going to tell me now what was that about?" when he closes his own door shut, he doesn't bother to put his seatbelt on. Just grips the steering wheel as he turns to you.

"I-I don't know what you're t-"

"You don't know what I'm talking about?" he laughs, not a bit of humour in it. "I know scenes like this make you feel uncomfortable but I actually thought everything was going fine. I leave you for five minutes with Mingyu and when I come back, you won't look at me, won't touch me, won't act like I'm your boyfriend. Like I did something wrong. So please, _____, tell me, what's going on?"

You know there's no excuse for the way you acted. You know it's not Jungkook's fault he attracts attention and it most definitely not his fault if an ex of his is still hung up on him. You know it's your own fault and you know you should not try to excuse yourself and fight back. You'd swore to yourself you'd push down any feelings of jealousy deep inside until they disappeared. But something about tonight makes you explode.

"Why was she being all over you?"

Jungkook's face twists in confusion. "What? Who?"

"Eunha! Who the fuck else? She was all over you a few weeks ago at Minghao's party, and she was all over you tonight!" your voice is louder than you would've liked but at this point all you care about is letting it all out.

"This is what all of that was about? Eunha?"

"Yes! I've seen her on campus as well! Always trying to get your attention! I don't care that you have friends in common, but specially tonight, she whispered something to you and she was looking at you like she-"

"Who cares how she looks at me? All you need to care about is how I look at you because the only thing I care about is how you look at me!" Jungkook exclaims, clearly exhausted of this conversation.

You sink in your seat and look away as the knuckles on his hands turn white from gripping the steering wheel.

"_____," he calls you gently, but his voice mantains a stern tone to it. "We don't do jealousy. I thought we were supossed to trust each other blindly. Have I not proved to you how sickenly in love with you I am? Do you not trust me and what I feel?"

"I-... Of course I do. I-just... I don't know. You're right. That was uncalled for." you wrap yourself in the warmth of Junkook's blazer, trying to make his scent wash away any ugly resentment and guilt in your body.

"Wanna know what she said to me?" a rethorical question, because he was going to tell you anyway. "She asked me if I was going to stay for Yugyeom's after party, way past midnight. Wanna know what I said?" he turns to you. "I said no, I'm spending the night with my girlfriend."

None of you say nothing after that. He just puts his seatbelt on and starts driving. It's not too much of a far drive to his dorm, but the silence and the awkwardness makes it feel so much longer than it should be. You don't remember the last time Jungkook was mad at you. Actually, you don't think Jungkook has ever been mad at you. He loved the banter, loved to tease you, loved being competitive with you. But you had never seen him being avoidant of you. And that feeling tears your heart on the seat of his car.

"Are you mad at me?" you ask, voice barely audible, when the car stops at a red light. His dark eyes meet yours, his face immediately softening as he studies your expression. Then he picks one of your small hands in one of his big ones, brings it to his lips and lightly kisses your knuckles. He communicates with his eyes what he doesn't with words and it's enough to make you feel secure, at least for now.

When you finally arrive at Jungkook's room, he holds the door ope for you and lets you walk in, but he's still unusually quiet. So much so, you start to worry you might have fucked up big time.

You stand there, not knowing what to do as you watch him sit down on his bed, slipping his shoes and socks off and loosening the tie around his neck. His hair, that was perfectly styled a few hours ago, is now messy by the amount of times his hand has pushed it back. He looks too yummy, and you hate the fact that tension and a little bit of fighting has managed to make him look as delectable.

You ignore the heat starting to form in your belly because now it's not the time to be horny. Not when you still need to apologize and make things right. He's rolling the sleeves of his black shirt down his forearms when you decide to speak.

"Jungkook, I'm very sorry." you start, as you remove his blazer off you and place it on the chair right in front of his desk. "I don't know why I acted the way I did. I dont get easily jealous and I really don't think I am but..." your throat constricts your words for a moment. "The more I love you, the more frightened I get when I think that one day you'll realize I'm better off as your best friend's little sister. I-I dont know what I'd do with myself if that ever happene-"

"Take off your dress." Jungkook's impassive voice and emotionless face startles you and you freeze on your feet.

"What?"

"Did I stutter?"

His elbows rest on his knees and he's holding your stare with his. His doe eyes lack that free spirited and amusing glint they usually have. He looks bored, scrutinizing you. He's not challenging you. He's commanding you because he knows you will obligue.

That's why you gulp and slowly slide the straps of your dress down your arms until the fabric pools at your feet. His eyes waver along your naked breasts, nipples perking up like the mere intensity of his gaze is ordering them to. He doesn't make a move and doesn't say anything for a few seconds. He doesn't compliment you like he normally would at the sight of you almost naked in front of him.

His lack of words make you feel insecure, regardless of how turned on you are. You're used to Jungkook being reassuring, you're used to his lighthearted jokes and his playful kisses in the bedroom. But you're not used to Jungkook telling you what to do and keeping his distance while doing so. Your arms move on their own to hide yourself.

"Don't. If you hide from me, I swear to God, _____." he watches you as you let your arms fall back to your sides, your chest moving up and down while you struggle to breathe. You can't deny Jungkook's gruff voice and his eyes studying every bit of skin available to him like he hasn't seen you naked before is not making your underwear stick to your lower lips.

"JK, I just don't think this is the right moment to-"

"On my lap." your heart skips a bit, a thrill of excitement coursing through your veins.

"Jungkook-"

"I said, get on my lap, face down." he says again, this time slower. One of his eyebrows quirk up. "Or would you rather me drag you myself? Or make you crawl?"

Your eyes widen, and your feet are quick to approach him. Your nipples tingle, your core is throbbing and your cheeks are adorned by a beautiful blush that Jungkook doesn't miss.

He doesn't move until you're in front of him, just to help you lower yourself on his lap, your cheek and your nipples touching the mattress and your ass up. You close your eyes when Jungkook skims his fingertips over your skin, his carressing relaxing your body until he eases your nerves a bit. He sighs when he notices the way that poor excuse of a thong sticks between your folds as his strong hands massage your buttcheeks.

He's taking his time, his fingers gliding over your soft skin, his breathing too calm for your liking. Until one palm of his hand collides sharply against your right cheek, sending your body forward. You gasp, the stinging making your body want to pull away. But he's quick to catch both your wrists behind your back, keeping you in place.

"Jungk-!"

Another smack, this time harder, on the same cheek.

"Did I give you permission to talk?"

Smack. This time on the left cheek. Your back arches on its own will, presenting more of your ass to him unwittingly. Your eyes squeezed shut and bite the inside of your cheek as you rub your thighs together. You keep quiet as his hand lands another blow on your ass.

"That's a good girl. Now," his voice is gentler this time as his hand soothe your reddened cheeks. "do you think what you did tonight was okay?" you say nothing, only a mewl slips past your lips. Another smack. "Answer me."

"No." you lick your lips, anticipating more.

"Do you think it was funny to pull a stunt like that?"

Smack.

"N-no!"

"No, it wasn't. Spread your legs for me." you do as you're told and he finally pulls down the drenched piece of lace down your thighs. He leans forward, spreads your cheeks with one hand as he lets a glob of spit fall directly into your lips. He makes you gasp when his fingers start sliding up and down your folds slowly.

"I've had to put up with this kind of behavour since the day you begged me to fuck this tight, virgin pussy like the little slut you are." you whine, face red as humiliation starts to creep in. Jungkook slips one finger in, pumping it slow and easy. Your hips move to take him deeper.

"I tried to be a gentleman, you know?" he says, adding a second finger. "I've tried to treat you nice and sweet and be the best boyfriend I could be to make you happy and keep you satisfied in every sense of the word." his thumb finds your clit, rubbing tortuous circles.

"Been compeletely whipped since I kissed you for the first time. Haven't looked at other girls because I just can't when I have everything I want to look at right in front of me." murmuring, he starts to get lost your pussy and how it swallows his fingers and how obscene you look and sound, dripping right on his trousers. He watches his fingers moving in and out, almost hypnotized. "Yet, somehow..." he pulls away. You whimper in protest.

"Somehow, you still seem to doubt me." His hand smacks your cheek again, wet fingers spreading your essence all over your skin.

"P-please, please." you cry. You miss Jungkook's sadistic smile before he releases the grip on your wrists, still keeping you on his lap. Both his hands spread your cheeks now, and another glob of spit falls right into your asshole. His fingers find your cunt again, easily taking you almost over the edge.

"If you could only look at yourself right now... All spread out for me like a needy whore in heat" his thumb teases your unexplored rim, hesitantly, coating it with his spit and your own arousal. He presses in slowly. You gasp, your body tenses and Jungkook stills his movements immediately. There's silence for a few seconds.

"Too far? Should I stop?" and there's your Jungkook, concern lacing his voice. His free hand caresses your back, your body relaxing, laying back down obediently. His fingers are still inside you and his thumb is still asking for entrance. He leans forward, placing a small but comforting kiss on the bruised skin of your right asscheek.

"Go on." you whisper, but he doesn't move right away. This time, it's his own body that tenses momentarely before going back to his tranquil demeanor. He breathes through his noise as his fingers pick up where they left off.

"Yeah?" you swear you hear him swallow a lump in his throat. "Gonna let me finger this tight little ass like a good slut? Mm?" his thumb slides deeper, slightly stretching you out while his fingers work your pussy in a solid rhythm. "Gonna let me stretch you out little by little until I can open you up with my cock one day?" his movements speed up, fingers sliding out of your cunt to play with your clit and his thumb slowly moving in and out. "You don't wanna talk now? You just want to stay silent while I fuck your ass and-"

And then you're cumming, so unexpected it takes both of you by surprise. Your hands grip onto Jungkook's sheets, your thighs clasp around his hand as you scream his name. He doesn't stop though. He rides you through it, encouraging words mixing with filthy insults that prolong your orgasm until you're squirming beneath him.

"Shit, baby... My hand is soaked." he mumbles, as he slowly removes his fingers and thumb from you. "You okay?"

You faintly nod your head yes, not able to find words through your dry mouth and your pussy still convulsing.

"Good. Get on the bed. On your hands and knees."

You somehow manage to slip from his lap and position yourself as he says. Except your arms and legs are shaking. Although the sound of Jungkook undoing his belt and his hands gripping your hips and bringing you towards him until the head of his dick is at your entrance is enough to make you forget about how tired your body is. You surrender to him, not even bothering to hold yourself up on your arms, your fingers crumbling the sheets and your face buried into the pillow.

When his cock enters you, a pitiful moan leaves your mouth. His thick lenght slides into your heat, filling you perfectly as he always does. It's a wonder how well he fits inside you.

"Such a perfect slut for me. Always ready for me to do whatever I want with her, since day one. So tight, so ready. So, so perfect. All mine." he talks as measured as he moves, dragging each word out as his hips find a nice tempo.

Then he doesn't move for a while with his dick buried between your walls, and you know he's holding himself back. You turn your head slightly to look at him. He catches your eyes instantly. Sees your mascara running down your watery eyes, and your smudged lipstick and your messy hair and then he's giving you that look. That look that lets you know that Jungkook is, indeed, whipped for you. Leaning in, he presses his shirt-covered chest to your sweaty, naked back. His cock dives deeper, not an ounce of space between you as he lovingly kisses your cheek until his mouth finds yours.

He kisses you hard but soft, tongue meeting yours for the first time since you entered the room. Jungkook is not a man of words. He's silly, and a jokester, and finds it difficult to express how he's feeling. But when he kisses you, or looks at you, when he touches you, or when he makes love to you, even if it's as dirty and filthy as right now, he's always able to transmit exactly what he can't vocally.

He's telling you there's no other place he'd rather be than here, with you.

When he pulls back, a string of saliva still connecting your lips, his hand moves to the back of your head, fisting your hair in a tight hold that makes you arch your back and desperately moan for him.

"A-and you're mine." you sob.

It's like something snaps inside of him. He growls and suddenly his hips lose control. He nails you against the mattress, his grip on your hair pulling your head back, his lips against your ear as your cunt clenches around his cock.

"Just yours. All yours." his grunts send shivers down your spine and you're close again, even in the painful and uncomfortable position your body is in. Being at Jungkook's mercy and him being at yours is enough to have you seeing starts.

"This is the only pussy I want wrapped around my cock. Your lips are the only ones I want to kiss. You're the only one I want between my arms." It only takes two flickers of Jungkook's free hand against your nub and his next words to tip you over. "You belong to me, and I belong to you."

You squeal as you come, and Jungkook bites your shoulder to keep himself from doing so as well as he follows shortly. He fills you up with his release, but he doesn't release you from him. He wraps his arms around your frame, both your bodies becoming soft as he rolls over to one side with your back still pressed to his chest, cock still inside you. His lips find their way to the skin of your shoulder and the back of your neck. His breath fanning your flesh makes you smile.

"That is so not like my sister. I'm telling you, she never gets jealous." Taehyung says over the phone. He's munching on something again and Jungkook would bet all the money in his wallet again he's eating Skittles. Red Skittles. "So, everything cool now?"

"Yeah, man. We just talked it out, you know?" Jungkook's gaze falls on you, laying on your stomach on his bed, laptop iluminating your face, earbuds on and your head moving to whatever music you're listening to. Jungkook would bet all the money in his bank account it's Shape Of My Heart by The Backstreet Boys. Or at least that's what he's been able to guess so far. He was never good at reading lips, specially when trying to guess boybands' lyrics.

Friday's nights meant late 1990's/early 2000's pop nostalgia for you. It meant shaking his head and spending the following week trying to get Britney and Xtina songs out of his brain for him. Although lately, he hadn't been trying that hard. Jungkook sighs in content, not really trying to cover the fact that he might be looking at you like a starstruck teenager. Which, it was totally fair because that's exactly how he feels about you. "Communication is key, bro."

He keeps watching you until your head perks up and catch him gawking. You smile at him and he smiles back.

"By 'communication is key' you mean you actually fucked my little sister silly right? Bro, I swear, I'll block your numb-"

"Sorry man, gotta go."

"And now you're gonna fuck her silly again, right? You son of a b-"

Jungkook hangs up just as you take your earbuds off, making his way to you to kiss you silly.

#jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook imagine #jungkook fic #FINALLY #took me a month to gain motivation and inspiration back!!!

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