#and still no one wants to check how i am

[fearandhatred]

i was thinking about this line from my fic:

But the fall had hurt, too. Because the wind had cut into his useless wings like knives, his skin and grace peeling away under the friction, and he had been looking right up at the multicoloured and unreachable expanse of sky just to see it fade from his eyes into dull greys.

and i came up with this. i hope the vision came through

#fearandhatred #fearandpoetry #<- check out this tag for some relatively more normal poetry #this was written at 3 am once again #i am really just out here doing anything #don't think this needs much explanation but i shall yap anyway #this is just crowley through the ages but as he discovers more about the earth he also finds more things he can compare hurt to #because in the beginning all he could compare the wind cutting into him with was the wind itself #and also abandonment. because imo that is one of the first Big Negative Emotions he ever felt besides his dreams being crushed lmaoo #but i think it's fun how this poem also implies that he's constantly thinking about how the fall hurt and how everything reminds him of it #this was also very tedious for the perfectionist in me and the proportions are STILL off #because i only drafted out the wings lmao i was not planning on including the head #then i was like wait what if people don't realise that it's wings #so that happened #and changing the proportions means changing the structure which i do not want to do #good omens #good omens season 2 #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #crowley #aziraphale #good omens poetry #good omens fanart #yeah tagging this as fanart because i had to draw everything out first lmao #poetry #writing

[teplejtrouba]

my psychiatrist confirmed that i am in fact autistic

#all of my friends were like 'no really?!!! i had no idea“ listen i know we all know but i wanted to know For Sure #she's very 'aspergers' and 'you're going to learn how to make eye contact' about it because czech psychiatry is... well #but overall the other stuff she said checks out and im happy I don't have to live in constant self doubt anymore #now she's not completely sure i have adhd tho because my attention is mostly normal according to tests #but she's also not opposed to me having both like it's definitely still possible she just wants to focus on mainly treating my anxiety rn #she was like 'so it would make sense that you're living in social isolation' #me with most friends I've ever had in my entire life: :-) #i was like 'no i have friends they just all have adhd or autism too' #i mean i am still socially isolated. i oftentimes feel like other people are living behind a glass wall and i can't reach them #but i took it literally in the 'you are alone and no one talks to you' sense #anyway #i am disappointed none of my friends sent me 'náš auťák' from the czech Grease dubbing #i have many feelings about this but they are difficult to put into words so autism creature gift shall suffice

[hopeinthebox]

tagged by the fabulous @cordiallyfuturedwight and @jimin-gaon <33 here's the december list

apologies for being late again new year same me: @aprylynn @jiminsproof @pauls-mccharmly @thvinyl @visionsofgideontheninth @btsbs @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @eoieopda @monismochi 💜 and anyone else who feels so inclined MWAH p.s. please do tag me anyway if you've already done it

#superfluous commentary in the tags as per usual: #i feel you - ADORE THIS TRACK i can't even explain what it does to my psyche except that it initiates a beach episode. #noso is a phenomenal queer artist and you should check them out #smoke and mirrors - ms faith back in action on the rotation i loved this album in 2009 and it still hits. for the love of GOD take me back #loving you - i am a paolo nutini stan if nothing else. exceptional #love is all around - i am in my frazzled english woman era hence the romcom soundtrack #and tell me who could possibly embody that frazzled english spirit better than four weddings hugh grant #boys don't cry - it's the cure by name and the cure by nature for one listen and i am FIXED!!! #she's always a woman - now billy joel is a great name for a cat or hamster but i digress. the stranger album of the year 2023 (again i fear) #little bird - was annie lennox in the last one?? i still have this on repeat. #googling the lyrics and it thinks i want the jonas brothers and it makes me want to sit right down and cry cry cry i'll tell you that much #jenny - paolo again can you blame me? i cannot express how much i adore his entire discography. #these scottish italians... deadly combination for my mental health. peter capaldi sit down #white flag - dido save me.. save me dido... my jihope anthem because i WILL go down with this ship #eternal flame - banger after banger it's almost as if i made this playlist myself!! can you feel my heart beating??? i apologise #as for the artist list #norah jones and jamie cullum christmas albums on repeat lord forgive me for i have listened to jazz #hozier and abba seem to make it without fail every month. for those who aren't familiar hozier is like if abba were irish. and bitchless. #NOW I'VE SAID TOO MUCH #the rest of the artists are fab of course but does olivia dean know i would die for her? #anyway. insert closing statements #tag #receiptify #MWAH

[thebirdandhersong]

.

#God if he's not an option WHY is he the only boy ive ever met who is this emotionally intelligent and mature and God-fearing #and not afraid of vulnerability and has such strong principles that he just straight up says No i will not when he knows he should not #and the only guy who's ever been able to tell when i'm sad when i'm trying to hide it (and is able to read me surprisingly well) #and who is gentle and humble and wants children and genuinely wants to prioritize his future family #and the only guy who i know and can trust is both a servant-hearted and honourable leader AND a attentive and compassionate listener #and who does SO MUCH for everyone in the background and never asks for applause or praise #AND is the only guy i'm this comfortable around (this is a FIRST) and can talk to for hours. why!!!!!!!! #why must he check all the boxes!!!! #also why must he have such beautiful eyes. they are GORGEOUS. #obnoxiously beautiful blue eyes that are just. very focused and gentle and tender. yes i also hate that i notice this #anyway literally HOW many times have i prayed the liturgy for the death of a dream from every moment holy this year. HOW MANY TIMES #i KNOWWWW it will never happen i KNOW this and yet!!!!! it's like i wake up and agonize over it all over again #why must he be like one of the loveliest people i know!!! why must it be like this!!!! #edit: i KNOW amazing men are allowed to exist and not be attracted to me lollllll but still i am trying to get the sadness out of my chest #as irrational as it may be at times #the waiting room chapter

[ghostie-gengar]

news flash! three more teenagers want ghetsis dead

Rosa May had a peaceful and unassuming life at her ranch near Floccesy Town, at least, until Team Plasma took over. It was one thing after the other, and then her best friend Hugh was wrongfully arrested! This is the last straw for her, so she decides to go rescue him, befriending local musical artist Roxie along the way. Rosa May is quite shy, and really doesn't want to hurt anyone, so she can't help but feel overwhelmed as she's slowly being dragged into something...legendary.

I hope she knows that she isn't alone and that she can rely on her friends...

#finally got these guys out i've been wanting to reveal them for *checks calander* a year??? #that's how good i am at procrastinating #i'm pretty sure i mentioned rosa may for the first time on her birthday last year but i didn't have any art of her...sad #but yeah!! here she is with her friends! her story is separate from the main one so you won't hear from her as much #but she still has a very important role to play... #also....i may or may not have a release date for unova under siege.... #unovaundersiegeau #unovaundersiegeau: rosa may santres #(idk why i bothered giving half these characters last names they don't matter) #pokemon #pokemon black and white #pokemon bw #pokemon au #gym leader roxie #rival hugh #scolipede #ampharos #excadrill #gengar's cool art

[crossedwiress]

we're on the borderline, dangerously fine and unforgiving

#so i. uh #really wanted to make a cake moodboard #yknow what they say - make the cake u want to see in the tumblr #or whatever #so yeah. #this happened #thanks for vibe checking this one aria <3 #cake #my moodboard #aesthetic #oh aND the caption is from borderline by tame impala #been looping it so much lately #calum #luke #moodboard #ive forgotten how to tag this. i'm like. im still reeling after aria called this cozy slutty #that's all i've ever wanted to achieve in a cake mb i am WINNING at mb which is normal to want and apparently possible to achieve #heheeeeeeeee #e*creations

[mistergrass]

hmm

#I've been going through my old furuba headcanon/meta tags and man do I miss it #I also want to acknowledge some asks I've gotten in the past *checks notes* couple years #I can only do one thing at a time like a sim #and the one thing I've been doing has been going back to grad school for some reason #anyway it's my last semester #and I'm very very very tired #and really missing writing things that aren't my thesis #things like fanfiction #things like my incomplete fanfictions #anyway maybe I'll see whoever's still hanging around here in a few months #wish me luck in the meantime #it's week 2 of the semester and I already cannot stress how tired I am

[dragon-tamer-1]

I'm so happy!

Context: I have had a Playstation 2 for a long time, around mayyybe 20 years old now. I'm pretty sure it was the second one I ever had, don't remember what happened to the first one. This one is the slim version, too. For the last couple years or so, not sure of the passage of time, some of the PS2 games I have seemed to have stopped working over time, like the three Spyro games I have: Spyro Year of the Dragon(PS1), The Legend of Spyro: A New Beginning, and Dawn of the Dragon in the same series. Only a few games still worked, and I wasn't too sure if it was the games or the PS2 that was starting to go. I kept all the games anyway, because they were essentially my childhood.

But! I had recently found a refurbished one on Amazon and decided to get it. It came in today, and I started testing my games on it, and the games that were still working were working well. Then I got to the Spyro games. The Legend of Spyro ones are working! But the one that really had me really happy was the PS1 Spyro Year of the Dragon. That was my favorite game growing up, and had to replace it twice before and this was my third copy that lasted until now. It works. It Works!! When it stopped working, I thought it was just done. But it works and I nearly cried from how happy I was that I can play the old thing again. Sure, I have the Spyro Reignited Trilogy, but I always missed playing the old version of that third game. Seeing the Playstation 1's logo on the screen yet again had me so happy, it's been so long since I've seen the startup to this game, I've missed it so much.

#dragon talks #i can play all my ps2 games again!!! #the two Godzilla games for the ps2 are also my favorites and the ones i want to keep as long as i can #they worked even when the others seemingly stopped working #i love those old games #if anyone wants to know what games i have for the Playstation 2 feel free to ask #i am full of joy to know my games still work #i had a feeling my old ps2 was on its way out #it's so old and it's been with me for so long #I'm glad it still works but also that it stuck with me for so long #same for my xbox 360 #that's most likely my oldest console yet #and it still works perfectly last i checked #i plan to check it again this weekend #as i tended to check on my older consoles to see how they were doing #just every now and then #or if i wanted to visit some of the old games again

[gibbearish]

I've put this in the tags of a previous reblog but feel like it deserves its own post so PSA to tall people: your short friends likely have shorter legs than you and therefore physically can't walk as fast as you without exerting way more effort, they're not going slow on purpose or exaggerating/joking when they say they're more tired than you after an outing. your casual stroll is a speedwalk for them and doing that for extended periods of time is exhausting. also you will lose them in crowds way less if you make a conscious effort to match their pace rather than just assuming theyll keep up

#ive never fully understood how people accidentally leave walking companions behind without noticing #like even when we're not talking i can still hear you Moving Around next to me and like. want to stay near you? so i automatically #am checking every few seconds that youre still nearby and im not leaving you behind #and idk i guess thats such an ingrained part of me that i just. dont get how other people dont #my bf i get bc hes deaf on one side so he has no directional hearing to track me with #but even then I'm like. bro i am 15 feet behind you and it took me a While to get this far back #he be like tunnel visions thinking about playing city skylines when we get home KWNFLJWBFANFKSJ #thats /lh he only did it for a little while and got way better about compensating for my walkspeed since #i think i only had to point it out maaaaybe 5 times before it stopped coming up

[themyscirah]

Philippus? Wym philippus this is a wholeass other woman?????? She's white?????? Guys come on now

ALSO cursed white Euboea in this same sequence.... homeboy she's Asian please stop

Joe Phillips I'm sorry but this is some shitty ass guest pencilling how can you not know anything abt what these people look like thats literally your job... you also just needed to read the issue before this to know?

Editors should have caught this one these are major Amazon characters

#also i did a quick wiki check for one thing and basically confirmed that i was right about this entire arc so i win i guess 💪💪💪💪 #like “the amazons are starting some crazy murder shit!” are they really now. which amazons may i ask? are you sure its not the bana- #oh yep its the baba mighdall. well then. TOTALLY didnt see this coming (said w love) #i mean its like maybe im being perceptive but they literally showed two of them in their armor and had one say phthia aka one of the #founders of the bana. like okay i had to do a wiki to check that and obvi id know slightly more than a pérez run reader abt them #(but not much honestly ive read the same stuff they wouldve just plus some fandom osmosis/knowing who artemis is) but i digress. do think he #maybe could have put showing them off but i understand the motive of not wanting readers to go months thinking the amazons were chopping #ppls heads off. but they could have teased the mind control red herring (probably? think it was a red herring although it could pop back up #the arc is still ongoing) a little bit more considering weve had dr psycho starting shit for the past 4 (at LEAST) issues but well whatever #anyways the pencilling on this one needed help like its not even a coloring issue at the core of it its legit this guest guy drawing #totally different people... very lame #anyways maybe im too quick to blame it all on the bana i am only halfway through the arc #like i do think it is the bana. i think thats the answer. but again dr psycho IS causing problems and theres been hints of the cheetah being #involved (“animal attack” killings + a shot of her in arkham) AND circe was namedropped (although now we know it was dr psycho) but im still #slightly suspicious bc there seems to be possesed animals... like they are v much laying different hints and pathways here #but i think its the bana. i think its psycho fucking around and also the bana and MAYBE a psycho controlled cheetah or the bana mimicing her #patterns. or are the bana even there if psychos involved??? he could just be fucking around then- okay you know what. maybe im less sure of #this than i thought and should just read more. wait but how would psycho even know about the bana to have ppl hallucinate hed just use the #themyscirans-- okay i need to read more im getting distracted. the bana are definitely involved though im calling it. its them and maybe #psycho. and maybe cheetah. and maybe circe but likely not bc we already established that was a false lead. unless that was also a trick. and #WHAT ABT ARES ALL THE STOLEN ARTIFACTS HAD TO DO WITH WAR-- #.... guys im losing it. fuck it im saying its all giganta and calling it a day i cant do this #no but i love how this mystery is set up its like they just dropped clues for every single ww villain onto it and said “here. good luck.” #this is before the big ww crossover too so it could actually be all of them im losing my mind here. WHO IS IT #ive twisted myself in a circle here i dont know anything now. only that i did call it if it was the bana. or if theres mind control or smth #sus about heracles cup. i also called that although its seeming less and less likely now that the bana and psycho are likely involved. and #maybe cheetah. and circe. and ares. guys im falling apart here #what was the point of this post then? oh shitty guest pencilling and editor flops. the editor flop part i can understand im sure they were #busy even if this is a big thing to miss imo. the penciller though is just silly come on now. someone should have caught that. anyways-- #swishy liveblogs

[thethingything]

also though this dentist is genuinely the best dentist we've ever had.

she was really understanding about us having issues with toothpaste and we asked if she had any recommendations for alternatives we could try to see if those help and she gave us some options to look into so that's cool.

she also took our medical trauma into account and kept checking if we were okay throughout the appointment and asking if we needed to take breaks and we've never had a dentist do that before.

she warned us about what each tool would feel like too and actually warned us if something was going to be painful which like, I would in fact rather be warned that "this is going to be uncomfortable in this way" and "yeah this is gonna feel really bad for a few days but that's normal" than have someone try to reassure us that it won't be that bad only for it to get really painful.

our next appointment is to have a tooth removed and she explained the procedure to us and how that normally goes, and then we asked if we can take the tooth home afterwards and I can only assume from the look on her face that she's never been asked that before, but she was like "yeah I don't see why not, it is yours after all" so that's cool

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #happy posting #I am really glad she warned us that our mouth would be sore because holy shit she was not kidding #but also we've never had a filling that blends in so well with the rest of the tooth. you can't tell there's a filling there when you look #she put so much work into it and got us to check it before we left to make sure the texture was okay #it took twice as long as the appointments we've had for fillings in the past #we're so used to having dentists just kind of rush to get everything done and being really shitty about our anxiety #which like admittedly I am probably still gonna have issues with medical trauma stuff later because that's just how that is #but holy shit it's such a relief to have a dentist who very clearly wants to make you as comfortable as possible #and is obviously taking your trauma and health problems into account the entire time #we're also used to going to one appointment and the medical professional being great #but then being shitty in the next appointment once they realise we have complicated problems and trauma and stuff #but no she was just as nice and accommodating as last time which is gonna help a lot with feeling less anxious next time I think

[famewolf]

after I finished every story mission in ESO I thought to myself 'I think I'm going to replay Skyrim and use my old game guide and do every single quest in Skyrim'. and then Baldur's Gate 3 came out

#[static] #one day I *will* do a genuine 100% of Skyrim using my huge chunky game guide #it's got little check boxes and lists in it that I want to mark off so badly #it reminds me of the old days when I used to go into B&N or Gamestop and get a game guide to write in and check page by page as i played #there werent many reliable game guides and our only computer was the family desktop that was kept upstairs in the living room - #- and I usually played downstairs #remember when families just had like ONE shared computer??? wild #im know that's still a thing in some households but im talking like we had 2 cellphones and a landline and 1 cellphone was the family cell #for if someone was going to be out all day and might need to call home later #im going on a tangent lmao i just sometimes am flabbergasted about how different stuff is from even 10 years ago when it comes to technolog #we use it in such cool and interesting and mundane ways now!

[luminesnake]

think im developing a special interest in indie adult toys BUT the problem is i cant TALK with anyone about it because theres no way to just. start that conversation without it being weird

#'hey do you wanna check out these stores they're doing really cool things with their sculpts' #<- most normal phrasing i can think of and STILL no one would want to talk to me ever again becaus its such a weird thing to bring up #um. anyway i think i'll start looking into how stuff goes from 3d models to molds next and maybe pour techniques #'cause theyre cool #also since im just ranting in the tags.... #THERES SUCH A LACK OF ROBOT THEMED TOYS. IT'S SO WEIRD. #like i guess i KNEW it was a niche of a niche for people to get hot and bothered over #BUT STILL #I'VE FOUND LITERALLY THREE #THROUGH A BUNCH OF SITES AND HUNDREDS OF MODELS #like am i just not looking in the right places?? 🤔 more research to be done for sure

[coquelicoq]

i'm rereading the count of monte-cristo but this time in french and out loud to improve my pronunciation, and i realize de villefort is a major antagonist but i need him to get promoted already because le procureur du roi is sooo hard to say, like that is too many r sounds bestie 😩

#4 r sounds in 5 syllables. let me rest #also r after u or eu and r before oi are literally the most difficult environments for r like come on. have mercy #i can get through procureur but that is straining the limits of my ability. i say procureur de and then my mouth is like NON! JE REFUSE! #*procureur du #i hate saying the word roi it's sooooo hard u guys #if someone told me one of the reasons for the french revolution was that they didn't want to have to pronounce that word anymore #i'd be like yeah checks out #like say what you will about how dumb it is to have an emperor instead of a king but at least empereur doesn't have an r before an oi #still has an r after an eu but nothing is as bad as r before oi #ESPECIALLY at the very very beginning of a word. like at least in croire trois froid etc. there's another sound there #for some reason that makes a big difference #the count of monte cristo #french #my posts #f #okay but here's my fear. technically de villefort is le substitut procureur du roi. so i'm a lil worried that he'll just be promoted to #actual procureur du roi. if that happens i am running into the woods never to be seen again

[soft-serve-soymilk]

excuse me????????

#just pav things #in what world is that a discount 😭 just sell it at full price at that point #yes i am in the market for a new laptop. when i get hired in october i'm saving my paychecks for one #(yes I graduate in october which makes it a shorter school year by 2 months but that's for another time) #I have my eyes on the aorus/republic of gamers stuff specifically #mostly because i'm still traumatised by the lenovo's untimely fate and how i was screamed at while having a panic attack abt it #and also i want something that is powerful and girthy #i wanna play my silly viddy games on it and also have it not look fragile and breakable by my hands #ergo i am the target audience but maybe for the lower-range/ mid-range stuff ^^; #then i can upgrade later but I do think i need to be rid of the current one asap #I hope it can last *checks notes* 7 months without spontaneously exploding~ #......says the person who TOUCHED the battery and immediately understood it is FILLED with toxic gases with that level of bounce #Pav just makes bad decisions you all should know that.