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scatterbrainedbot · 4 months

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Hello :D

You're so cool

Anyway have you thought that in your rat sons au Splinter might outlive the boys?

You're very cool :D love your stuff dude

(tw for some blood, light gore, implied overdose (kinda??))

hi copper!!! this is a fantastic question!

so obviously typical irl rats have far shorter lifespans than the average irl tortoise. according to google (yes, be awed by my spectacularly in-depth wealth of research) the average pet rat lives between 2-4 years ish, and the oldest on record lived to be about 7. meanwhile, an African spurred tortoise (Splinter's species) averages more around a 50ish year lifespan in captivity, tho is suspected to possibly exceed 75 or more in the wild.

Now, the mutation does give us a lot of wiggle room for playing with these numbers. For the rat sons boys, id say their natural lifespan probably clocks in at about 45-55 years old? definitely not old by human standards, but not young young either. (though, its also important to note that the boys were exposed to the mutagen just days after being born.)

For Splinter, meanwhile, aging is slightly more complicated. He lived the vast majority of his life as a regular normal African spurred tortoise (well, non-mutated at least. there were perhaps some shenanigans of a more mystical variety going on before he was mutated, but thats a separate matter) He was about 70ish i think? when the boys were born and they were all exposed to the mutagen. so he is already distinctly an old man turtle papa. id guess he'd probably still have another eh lets say 25-30 years after his mutation. he could probably push it a little farther even with some mystic nonsense, but when push comes to shove id say his 'natural' post-mutation lifespan would put his death like a solid decade or two before his sons.

of course, the tricky part of the matter is that theres no way for Splinter to know any of this. theres no way for him to know how the mutation affected them all, or if it even affected them all in the same way. especially since the boys dont show many physical signs of mutation for the first few years, and just kinda look like normal rats, (albeit with a more human sort of intelligence) — what sort of health standard do you hold them to? what if they simply dont show external signs of sickness or old age anymore? how do you actually know if something is wrong?

for a while there Splinter is very worried that one of his babies will just essentially reach the end of their normal rat lifespan, fall and not get up again.

so mostly, he just tries to live in the moment, enjoying whatever time he does have with his little ones, taking each day as a gift <3

still,

that fear

never

really

goes

away.....

#cue the 2003 tmnt dramatic Shredder sound effect TM #my art #rat sons #tmnt au #ask reply #TOOK ME A FULL MONTH TO ANSWER AND IM STILL NOT SUPER PLEASED WITH THE RESULTS BUT #also apologies if shits incohierent im v sick rn #but thank you so much for the question copper!!#a parents grief and terror at the thought of outliving their children #always gets me #and boy howdy these rat babies do Not make that shit easy for ol Splinter #all of them have brushed too close to death too many times #tbh thats probably why he started teaching them ninjutsu etc #like yeah yeah discpline and routine and practice all excellent lessons #but also #yall squishy babies and ur father is Stressed please learn to fight good so its one less thing he has to worry about #sorry splints theyre hamatos now theyre destined for danger #cw blood #cw gore

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sentientsky · 2 months

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hey do u ever think about how crowley's eyes (a feature he's worked to hide nearly his entire time on earth) were fixated so so so firmly on aziraphale during the final fifteen, to the point where he followed the tiniest of movements, even as tears began to form in his waterline? even as his not-quite-human-heart was splintering in his chest?

CAUSE I DO

how was this permitted to be aired???? knowing full well that angsty queers like me would be sliding down the wall sobbing about it???? (also, if u want to read more about crowley and his eyes, i am once again recommending one of alex's metas: x)

anyway! full gif below the cut!

yippee!

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skunkes · 5 months

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toss, turn eleven times

#a doodley #ive drawn art to this song before it always possesses me #i was gonna make this a full + colored thing as an Attempt but i dont feel like listening to it on repeat for a few hrs rn ykwim #can only make it while im listening to it #i have other songs to listen to for 5 hrs straight #furry #anthro #fursona #adn its so real. turns out all my friends were right and i wont apologize for something im not sorry for etc

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mercyisms · 1 year

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hello anon and apologies for promptly dropping off of the face of the earth after promising to reply to this. in the interest of trying to be useful, i'm going to dash something off-the-cuff, but i hope it helps! i think this idea is already routinely demonstrable in the text, but tamsyn muir was also kind enough to explicitly spell some of this out in this lovely interview: "That said, the God of the Locked Tomb IS a man; he IS the Father and the Teacher; it’s an inherently masc role played by someone who has an uneasy relationship himself to playing a Biblical patriarch. John falls back on hierarchies and roles because they’re familiar even when he’s struggling not to." one of the ways this is dramatized in the text is, y'know, john shoving some of the earth's soul into a barbie. pygmalion the earth into perhaps the most iconic form of white femininity. it's a move that may be complicated by details such as a) john's indigeneity and b) the queerness implicated in john preferring barbie to any of his more 'masculine' toys, but there's a lot to interrogate here on how john's proximity to systemic oppression (across various lines) is retained and the ways in which they're replicated despite his intentions, or the ways they come through even when certain axes of oppression (gender, race) operate differently in the nine houses than on contemporary earth, or what john prioritizes above altering these systems. so on one hand, thinking about john's affinity to tall blondes might lead you there. however, because the 6ft tall blonde is not just alecto but is, in fact, an enduring role, now you can open up some more questions. for me, these questions might look like: what is the relationship between this role and john and john's empire?

the 6 ft tall blonde is always john's bodyguard. that's another key point of comparison. we may consider: when the bodyguard is alecto, she is stylized as a (to really simplify it) romantic counterpart in some ways; she is a caretaker (i'm quite sure there's a line in ntn about how john is unable to sleep unless alecto strokes the bridge of his nose or similar; possibly the only one granted access into the fact that john is afraid); she, based on what we have to go off of, trusting of and ultimately deferential to john's judgment prior to entombment. she is also stylized as a highly, and traditionally, feminine person (see: barbie), though alecto is repulsed by and in conflict with her body and gender presentation. and then you might consider augustine. at the urging of his lyctors, john entombs alecto. john identifies augustine as one of the lyctors most repulsed by and mistrusting of alecto. in her vacancy, the lyctors come into their roles as the emperor's fingers, and augustine, first saint, takes up a particularly key role. we might also note that augustine is staked out by the text as deeply gender ambiguous (g1deon and mercy, among others, are gendered without hesitation. the narration questions augustine's gender), but frequently pivots on misogyny. certainly, he accuses mercymorn of trying to become A.L. bodyguard 2.0 but in a way that a) suggests she is failing and b) while mercymorn and M-- both function as guardians and protecting figures to John, both come to the table with a different texture. augustine (exchanging 'your mom' jokes, etc., with john pre- dios apate minor) and A-- (thinking especially of how john remembers only A-- calling his new eyes 'cool') is also fulfilling a role for john that his other (remaining) lyctors are not. humanizing confidante, perhaps. he is not only a thousand year old friend but a caretaker for a slightly more fallible and human john. augustine also reaches a point where he can no longer support john. where john-as-emperor and the goals and demands of his empire diverge from what augustine sees as morally defensible. and so he's replaced. augustine and john wrestle. they reach an equal impasse. and ianthe -- rather than save her mentor and overthrow god -- chooses to sacrifice augustine and take up his place. of course, kiriona is also present and given some nicer titles, but by the end of nona (see: the tower besties little fight before the tomb is opened) we understand gideon is being used by john, while ianthe is the bodyguard proper, choosing what information to feed back to john (NO new updates on his duplicitous sluts, thanks!) and working very hard to keep john separate from alecto, in order to keep mr. gaius in a state that benefits ianthe and ianthe's goals. ianthe also has some wild and fucky (complimentary) gender shit that may also be fun to track. also, notably, ianthe is not of particular interest to john, who vastly prefers harrowhark. the strain of desire is possibly broken. so we don't just have, you know, a very fun enduring bit of the 6 ft blonde bodyguard, but we also have an interesting progression. we can see how this role evolves. john shaped alecto in one way, and had to set her aside. augustine allowed himself to be shaped by and used by john, up until a point. ianthe is the consequences of john's empires and the decisions or neglect that coalesced into the nine houses' politics and hierarchies, but we've reached a point where john is now (wittingly and unwittingly) in conflict with these hierarchies. the 6 ft tall blonde is not only a signal that certain hierarchies, roles, and systems persist in john's empire, but i think you could compellingly map out ianthe is the logical conclusion of said systems & that provides a really interesting context to read her actions & plots, both in conversation with alecto (and her shifting position) and augustine, but also with john. (and the 'rebrand' john is engaging in during nona, as he moves away from the neo-roman lyctors to tower princes & a flirtation with greater indigenous stylings, ex. 'kiriona' over 'gideon'.) anyway! i hope some of this helped. i know i'm not necessarily spelling out the entirety of my personal reading here, but i hope i've laid out some of the pertinent points of analyses and also some of the 'work' (points of comparison or characterization, etc.) that i think is happening wrt to our tall, tall blondes.

#sorry tumblr wouldn't let me reply to this as an ask?? so here we are #also i sincerely apologize for taking so long! and i hope this contains some of what you hoped to receive #follow up qs very welcome though speedy replies not guaranteed #and also god sorry for any typos but we are just posting no proofing being complete scallywags etc #anonymous #asks #and very loosely but so i can find it later if necessary:#m: tlt meta #ianthe tridentarius #augustine quinque #john #alecto the first

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thelaurenshippen · 5 months

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this is a genuine question not at all meant as a rude gotcha, but I feel like I've seen lots of people cite the relatively low barrier of entry as a huge advantage of podcasts as a medium, "if you have access to decent audio tech you can make a podcast" etc etc. So where does the need to sell a script come in? Is it a financial thing, and IP thing, something else?

this doesn't read like a rude gotcha at all, it's a really good question! there is a much lower barrier to entry when it comes to podcasts compared to tv, film, theater, etc. (though not as low as writing a book if we're talking about hard resources - you can technically write a book with just a laptop and a dream and then self publish! though as a writer who has written a lot of scripts and four books (3 published) writing a book is a much bigger psychological burden imo lol).

the need to sell a script, for me, is entirely a financial thing. if I had the money to produce podcasts at the level I want to entirely independently, I would! I know how to do it! but, unfortunately, I really only have the funds to produce something like @breakerwhiskey - a single narrator daily podcast that I make entirely on my own.

and that show is actually a great example of just how low the barrier is: I actually record the whole thing on a CB radio I got off of ebay for 30 bucks, my editing software is $50/month (I do a lot of editing, so this is an expense that isn't just for that show) and there are no hosting costs for it. the only thing it truly costs me is time and effort.

not every show I want to make is single narrator. a lot of the shows I've made involve large casts, full sound design, other writers, studio recording, scoring, and sometimes full cast albums (my first show, The Bright Sessions had all of those). I've worked on shows that have had budgets of 100 dollars and worked on shows that cost nearly half a million dollars. if anyone is curious about the nitty gritty of budgets, I made a huge amount of public, free resources about making audio drama earlier this year that has example budgets in these ranges!

back in the beginning of my career, I asked actors to work for free or sound designers to work for a tiny fee, because I was doing it all for free and we were all starting out. I don't like doing that anymore. so even if I'm making a show with only a few actors and a single sound designer...well, if you want an experienced sound designer and to pay everyone fairly (which I do!), it's going to cost you at least a few thousand dollars. when you're already writing something for free, it can be hard to justify spending that kind of money. I've sound designed in the past - and will be doing so again in the near future for another indie show of mine - but I'm not very good at it. that's usually the biggest expense that I want to have covered by an outside budget.

but if I'm being really honest, I want to be paid to write! while I do a lot of things - direct, produce, act, consult, etc. - writing is my main love and I want it to be the majority of my income. I'm really fortunate to be a full-time creative and I still do a lot of work independently for no money, but when I have a show that would be too expensive to produce on my own, ideally I want someone else footing the bill and paying me to write the scripts.

I love that audio fiction has the low barrier to entry it does, because I think hobbyists are incredible - it is a beautiful and generous thing to provide your labor freely to something creative and then share it with the world - but the barrier to being a professional audio drama writer is certainly higher. I'm very lucky to already be there, but, as every creative will tell you, even after you've had several successes and established yourself in the field, it can still be hard to make a living!

anyway, I hope this answers your question! I love talking about this stuff, so if anyone else is curious about this kind of thing, please ask away.

#answered #writing #audio fiction #producing #also I say I don't like doing it anymore #but that's exactly what briggon andrew and I are working on #it's gonna be a show where we just split profits equally bc I can't afford to pay them lol #and I'll be sound designing it myself #so apologies in advance #also my GOD lauren can you be succinct once in your GODDAMN LIFE #why are all my posts so long i'm so sorry #also I don't get into it in this post #but using my book example as a jumping off point #obviously it is MUCH more complicated than that #bc self publishing/promoting/etc.#and writing the book in the first place!#is an ENORMOUS effort #as is making an audio drama!#also the grand irony in this #is that the show i was referencing in my original post is a show i first came up with to do independently lol #a two person show for briggon and andrew in fact #and then I happened to mention it to some producers I know and they liked it #so that's a show I COULD make for no money!#but they want to pitch it out and there's no harm in asking around #and in the meantime i just came up with another show for briggon and andrew haha

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mrmatthewconnor · 9 months

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2.13 // 2.13 arena pages // 15.20

#spn 2x13 #spn 15x20 #chuck won #truly sorry about this everyone #i'm not even a chuck won partisan per se #but sometimes the curse is. well. cursed #deep cuts dabb strikes again #apologies if this has been done. current rewatch rewiring my brain all over again etc

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coldercreation · 3 months

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PSA:

If you have related to how I have described Nathan’s struggles with his mental health and some experiences with life; emotional, physical and social etc (ignore the story/his fam background for this; I mean if you have been able to relate to his feelings/anxiety/negative physical sensations etc.)

Might be worth it to get your blood checked.

Especially B12, Vitamin D, Iron levels and Ferritin (ferritin should be 100+).

Building on top of the character, character background, and my research into trauma / mental health etc, I have always used a lot of my personal experience when describing emotions, feelings, and how mental health issues can feel like or present. It’s my attempt to make the writing feel realistic, had I experienced the things in the story or not. Aka even if the story was high fantasy and thus not realistic, I’d source my own feelings to make it ‘real’.

So. Regardless of what's causing it in the story: If you have ever related to how Nathan FEELS or describes his experience with the world and his brain… (Anxiety, depression, chronic fatigue, feeling like an outsider/in a fishbowl, easily overwhelmed or over tired; social withdrawal, social anxiety, heart palpitations, chest pains, breathlessness, dissociation, irritability, issues with cognitive function; memory, overthinking, insomnia, brain fog, panic attacks, slow recovery from physical activity, etc etc et fucking c)

Turns out bish has been chronically deficient of many things for a very long time due to stomach issues that stopped nutrients from absorbing. Antidepressants have never successfully worked for me, and it’s now looking like that’s because my mental health stuff could've largely been a physical symptom, instead of just purely mental health??

I have been on a pile of supplements for a bit now and uhh… It’s like night and day? Even with the other health stuff I've been getting treated for, it's been... So much better?? Like. Life changing amount of difference?? And I’m only just starting out fixing these deficiencies, which could take a long time. But...

Holy shit, “Better” might actually be a real thing after all?? There was a reason I've been so "stuck"???

Kind of mad… And sad. Because if this is true and I keep feeling like I have been recently, it means I’ve lost a lot of time to this. I try to focus on how good I’ve been feeling though, and stay curious for this journey of what literally feels like a second chance at life.

Just… Wanted to post this in case it could help someone else. This is a highly personal experience, mental health issues absolutely exist on their own too and there's possibly often overlap as well. But stuff like this can make existing mental health conditions worse too, so either way it’s worth checking.

Yeah. So.

Happy new year?

From someone who might be pulling a whole Phoenix moment???? xx

#Apologies for the silence here #Been going through a lot if you can imagine lol #I have a bunch of asks and messages to catch up to #I'm so sorry for taking forever #It might take me a bit longer still but I promise I'll get back on here at some point hopefully soon #Your messages mean so much to me<3 #Take care everyone <3 #Also #the description of Nathan's experience could and would still be rather accurate #even if you don't have these physical health issues!!#Depression and anxiety etc from a deficiency is still depression and anxiety #+ when I write Nathan I have a set of mental health “maps” or “guides” for his character (like C-PTSD and CEN and OCD)#Yes I use my own feelings and experiences to describe his anxiety etc #But his character is built around specific mental health markers / trauma research / symptoms etc (like C-PTSD and CEN and OCD)#So I'm pretty sure Nathan's POV would still look very similar based on just that research and ignoring the stuff in this post #Hope this all makes sense :'o

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moongothic · 2 months

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Do wanna say, I am actually really curious how Iva-chan would feel if the Dragodile Divorce went REAL BAD

'Cause they didn't know the two were in a relationship at all, right. (Otherwise, like, if Iva-chan knows about Crocodile having a kid then surely they'd realize that would've also been Dragon's kid and like. Understands that's Luffy etc) So as far as Iva-chan understands the situation, Crocodile may have been secretly slightly involved with the Revolutionaries for a period of time, had a kid out of the blue, transitioned, and either immidiately broke ties with the Revs entirely and fucked off to Alabasta, or kept on assisting the Revs in secret (possibly monetarily, being a sugar daddy and all 💰🐊💰) for however long in secret, only to pretty much betray them out of nowhere by attempting to take over Alabasta 17 years later Either way, surely Ivankov would've been deeply confused by this turn of events, right? Like what happened to him, why would Crocodile do any of this?

But if the straw that broke the camel's back and shattered Crocodile's psyche was the Dragodile Divorce going really bad, either from Dragon not being that accepting OR due to things going violent over a miscommunication... How would Ivankov feel about that?

Keep in mind, we've only ever heard Iva-chan talk about Dragon with nothing but adoration and respect. They sincerely hold Dragon in such high regard, can you imagine how badly either revelation could change how Iva-chan's views Dragon? 'Cause like, sure if Dragon's straight then that's one thing, but lashing out at his loved one? When he came out? At what might've been the most emotionally vunerable time of Crocodile's life (between the transing and the baby and having to leave his son forever. Y'know. Heavy shit)? Yeah, frankly speaking, Iva-chan would be completely justified in slapping the shit out of Dragon and giving him some choise words. Perhaps even some 💉 Karmic Punishment 💉 to teach a lesson Feeling disappointed in Dragon would be an understatement. But even if The Divorce happened due to a tragic accident (of Dragon attacking the strange man he has never seen before out of instinct when going to see his wife and child), it's been nearly two whole decades. Have the two even spoken since then? Like presumably not considdering Crocodile didn't even know who Luffy was. So if they haven't spoken at all-- did Dragon ever apologize? Or was he that much of a coward he couldn't face Croc and take responsibility for what he did? If so, that is absolutely pathetic and frankly irresponsible considdering the feelings he would've left Crocodile festering with.

Like either way, I'm deeply facinated how Iva-chan would take the news. How that could impact their relationship with Dragon, as well as how they've viewed Crocoboy for the past few years as well.

Because suddenly Crocoboy didn't just go bonkers out of nowhere, abandon and betray the Revolutionaries to try to do something monstrous for selfish gain. Suddenly, it was Dragon who abandoned Crocodile and left him all alone for nearly two decades, believing obtaining an Ancient Weapon was the only way to take down the World Government. Countless innocent lives that perhaps could've been spared in Alabasta had Dragon just fucking talked to his ex--

Yeah. I'm curious how Iva-chan would feel

#Moon posting #OP Meta #Sorry my brain is soup I can't form a coherent thought rn #Something about the mental image of Iva-chan getting fucking furious at Dragon on Crocodile's behalf #Just #I'm not crying shut up #Like if there is a scenario where Dragon genuinely needs to apologize to Crocodile for however the hell he fucked up #I think Iva-chan taking Crocodile's side and telling Dragon that he fucked up and needs to take responsibility would be like. Important #'Cause I think Iva-chan might be the only person in the world who could get Dragon to apologize (considdering how long they've been friends #Especially because Iva-chan might be the person who genuinely understands Crocodile's feelings the best #(Depending on how his egg got cracked and whether or not Iva-chan needed to help with that etc etc)#All of this to say; the Dragodile Divorce really would be more interesting if it went Real Bad. It would impact so many more characters #Another familiar question: What would Kuma have thought of it? How about Sabo and Koala?#But yes Iva-chan's reaction is the one I'd be the most interested in. Especially considdering like. IDK I kind of thought they'd have...#...a bigger role in Kuma's backstory but they actually kind of didn't. Like their friendship was not that important in the end #And a part of me deeply feels like Iva-chan should have a bigger role somehow in the story. Like they should impact things more #And yes if Crocodad Real then that alone would add to Iva-chan's role a whole bunch. But that would be like in past tense.#How about how things are going to go down from here on out? Yeah

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mediumtires · 1 year

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i can’t get over the intimacy of sharing a 17 hour flight.

have you ever been on a long haul flight? you get comfortable. and i mean. real comfortable. these men live in hotel rooms and cars and airplanes for the better part of the year. they know how to travel comfortably.

it’s sweatpants and slippers and audiobooks. christian and toto probably slept in close proximity of each other. do you know how vulnerable that makes a person? sworn enemy two rows in front to the left and christian nodding off with airpods in and a neck pillow? are you joking?

toto with an eyemask on and christian makes fun of him for it and toto scrambles to explain “i got my eyes lasered last week OK”. christian keeps chuckling for two hours straight as an excuse to keep looking over at his archenemy with the dark tousled hair. literally watches him sleep.

and fred. just literally in the middle of the aisle doing squats and engaging absolutely anyone in conversation because he’s bored. poor stewards have to squeeze past him every time christian calls them over.

meals. they’ll be eating together, at the same time. it’s such a weirdly intimate thing to eat on a flight, you can’t tell me it’s not. toto with a napkin tucked into his collar, christian rolling his eyes at him. fred already stuffing his face because standing up has him starving also he’s bored.

and. according to my main man carlos, the one way to fight australian jet lag is to stay awake the whole flight. we’ve all heard it, we’ve all seen it, he kept us updated. i can’t see these three old men staying awake for the whole thing but there will certainly be awake time. there will be work getting done (everyone but fred let’s be real), there will be books and music, maybe toto watches a movie and christian annoys him until he turns on the subtitles so he can watch along from behind. then he makes fun of toto’s choice of movie (i’m thinking top gun) for the rest of the flight. maybe toto meditates and christian can’t believe his eyes. in between toto will get up to get the blood flowing and he’ll do his squats right next to christian’s seat. i am convinced he has a night time routine and he WILL be doing it on the plane. he’ll offer christian his snacks.

and this is all fun and games ok but ABOVE ALL. they must have been talking.

and this is what has me insane because christian is SUCH a pr guy. like he is such a sucker for having cameras around and playing it up as this big respected team boss when in reality he’s just a big ass softie whenever there’s no one around to judge him. and he had to built this image of himself. he was the youngest tp, no f1 experience when he started and also - may i remind everyone - he’s short. tiny. he had to puff out his chest and bark at everything and everyone but he had to be charming about it too and this is literally how he learned to play the media so well. he is the king of pr. he knows how important image and perception are. BUT. i so very strongly believe he drops the act when he’s sure no cameras are around and that’s why he’s so well liked in the paddock. considering the portrayal of him in the media, i would keep a twenty feet distance to that man at all times but people aren’t are they? he’s well liked.

cameras off, he’s a nice guy. funny. probably very knowledgable about the sport, likes to give advice and help smaller teams. not necessarily merc. but basically everyone else. he can hold a conversation without making stupid comments all the time. and that’s what he and toto do too! the media and everything 2021 has made them into something aggressive and founded in hate and disrespect but actually, they were friendly with each other long before 2021 and they managed to be adults about the whole thing (so surprising tbh). THEY ARE STILL FRIENDS. and so they are okay with things like sharing long haul flights and sleeping in each others proximity etc etc etc even when christian makes a throwaway comment about it after like “oh toto was there too, got his eyes lasered or sumin idk i didn’t really ask”

BRO YOU HAD 17 HOURS ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME YOU DIDNT SPEAK TO TOTO ONCE THE ENTIRE TIME. try again. he asked about his eyes and then went on to complain about his tummy ache and THEN he probably filled toto in on geri’s race horses and they shared stories about having to build lego cars on christmas day with their sons who are literally the same age, all of it over some shitty airplane lasagne.

you can’t fool me christian horner you can’t

#i am SO sorry i keep banging on about this #i got it out of my system now though #i’m done now #apologies #i am SO behind on everything i was supposed to do today i am also LATE now #christian/toto #three men one plane #christian horner #toto wolff #fred vasseur #etc #christian toto lore

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camgoloud · 7 days

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you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons

#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups #and the later regrets of the parties involved #anyway. tell me not to text her #it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength #she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life #and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever #going to get back #and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that #really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you #felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way #instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out #so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least #we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she #like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have #said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me #and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting

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nana-glass-chillhop-radio-hour · 2 years

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Paige Duplass is such a badass. "If my sternly worded emails couldn't keep my coworker from being ritually lowered into the maw of capitalism, maybe my new god of sacrifice and grief (which I created with the help of my estranged father and a wet cat of a man on the run from 2 separate governments) will."

#'as per my last new god'#the silt verses #paige duplass #I'm sorry but she and Carpenter are fuckin made for each other #queerplatonic paige + carpenter rights #i really want to see the scene where paige's god has gone horribly awry and she's explaining the whole mess to carpenter who just showed up #and she's like 'i know in hindsight it was stupid and hubristic to think i could fix things #'the master's tools etc etc'#and carpenter's like 'are you kidding? stop apologizing and file a civil union w me immediately'#'implaceable hatred for our oppressors AND a total lack of foresight in opposing the systems that grind us to dust? um. qpp wife material'#listen i know the qpp paige + carpenter ship consists of me and like 2 other ppl I'm not saying it's gonna happen #I'm not saying it SHOULD happen #only that I'm deeply invested in queering the story beats of the 'love saves the day' fantasy #by substituting explicitly nonromantic yet emotionally fraught queer relationship grounded in shared experiences of resistance & solidarity #and just seeing what's different and what's the same #i love a good straightforward queer romance too but there's a lot of fun to be had outside the confines of romantic relationships #in life and in fiction #this turned into a manifesto jesus

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unhingedlesbear · 9 months

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I did it. I mass projected a good amount of my traits onto SMG characters. I’m so bored right now.

Mass trait projection

(Some of these are literally canon just saying)

Bear fan - Jessica

Lesbian - Emma, Sam, Clarice, Jamie, Erin

Asexual - Erin, Brad, Jessica, Emma

Has adhd - Ashley, Dylan, Jamie, Conrad, Chris

Has DPD - Mark, Taylor

Coffee addict - Charlie, Matt, John, Jamie

Prefers sweets to chocolate - Jessica, Emily, Emma, Julia

Has R-CPD - Salim, Matt

Has anxiety - Kate, Erin, Jamie, Mark, Charlie, Ashley, Abi,

Changes favourite animal every few months - Abi, Julia

Favourite colour is yellow - Erin, Julia, Kaitlyn,

Dog person - Mark, Sam, Mike, Conrad

Autistic - Sam, Ashley, Ryan, Abi, Erin, Andrew, Brad.

Has Dyscalculia - Conrad, Emma,

Cat owner - Emily, Emma, Jamie, Angela, Dylan

Bug owner - Sam, Jamie, Fliss

Rat owner - Sam, Jamie, Kaitlyn, Mark

Furry - Abi, Brad, Chris, Dylan, Mark, Erin

Therian - Erin, Ashley, Kate, Laura,

Enjoys musicals - Emma, Julia, Jessica

Enjoys horror movies - Jamie, Alex, Brad, Taylor, Josh, Chris, Max, Dylan

Intrusive thoughts - Taylor, Jamie, Kate, Emma

Pescatarian - Brad

Can sleep anywhere - Erin, Josh, Mark, Mike,

Never horny - Erin, Charlie,

Always hungry - Jacob, Conrad, Mark, Jamie

Plays video games - Chris, Dylan, Daniel, Jamie, Jacob

Does not drink enough water - Charlie, Jason, Salim, Rachel, Eric, Nick K

Cries when angry - Ashley, Taylor, Erin,

Has never studied - Jessica, Conrad

Eats like a fucking animal - Jamie, Dylan

Bites people - Laura, Max, Emma, Jamie, Taylor

Was a wolf kid - Jamie, Taylor, Ashley

Was a warrior cats kid - Erin, Abi, Brad

Awful hay fever - Erin, Kate, Mark, Sam, Matt, Emma

So nothing is sacred anymore ig

#supermassive games #until dawn #the quarry #the devil in me #house of ashes #man of medan #little hope #i forgot hidden agenda again I’m so sorry #Apologies to Becky Felicity Tom Finn and etc

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trippedandfell · 4 months

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thank you mia @henswilsons for tagging me in the most adorable holiday idea!

come decorate my christmas tree!! you can write cute lil messages and then make your own trees so i can send you something right back! basically like an adorable love letter for the holidays <3

@kodachromatics @leothil @clusterbuck @hattalove @captain-hen @capseycartwright @wolfnprey @lucydonato @evcndiaz @sibylsleaves @kitkatpancakestack @thatbuddie @roy-kents @fcntasmas @stardustsea @useramor i'd love for you all to create trees so i can leave you a message!

#tag games #apologies if i missed any beloved mutuals i did this very late and i'm tired #also! if i didn't tag you but you have a tree - send it to me so i can leave you a message xoxo #and sorry if you've been tagged in this a million times already i just love love etc

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compacflt · 9 months

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If you don't mind me asking, do you read fanfiction? Either for Top Gun or other fandoms you're in?

Yes! Not for Top Gun though. if you follow me at all you know how truly tapped out of the fandom i am. my typical fandom experience is as follows: for 99% of fandoms i am a consoomer and never a poaster. for 1% of fandoms (TG included) i am a poaster and not a consoomer. I don’t consume any TG fanworks besides my own. Which is why, if you’re asking yourself, why does compacflt act like theirs is the only right interpretation, it’s because mine is the only interpretation im ever exposed to lol. i do really feel bad about not being more connected to the fandom—but i think it’s just a writing thing, i don’t want to be unduly influenced by others’ work. maybe once i stop writing i can enjoy what other people have done. but also i know the second i stop writing my very specific interpretation im not gonna be interested in top gun anymore because it’s those issues i find interesting, so…

i havent been reading much FF lately cause i don’t really have any active fandoms now that succession is over. need to find me some new IP. but when I do read ff i have exorbitantly high standards so i read very little anyway lol

#compacflt is going through her annoying arc #why am i interested in top gun? cause im interested in my own writing lol #it’s very selfish. i apologize for that.#i am just poasting & not really engaging. sorry.#i do feel very isolated in this fandom sometimes but that’s entirely my own doing so don’t ever let me get away with complaining about it #no idea if i am contributing to the broader conversation in any way (because i refuse to look)#so just want to thank everyone who interacts with me ❤️ im just some guy with some thoughts #the village loon yelling on a street corner about ‘top gun conservatism’ ‘us navy homoerotic homophobia’ etc #none of those words are in the bible #so thanks for reading anyway.#always such a privilege to hear from you guys.#not top gun

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bumblingbabooshka · 2 years

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“As it was in the dawn of our days As it will be for all tomorrows To you, my husband, I consecrate all that I am. T’Pel, my wife. From you I receive all that I am. As it was in the beginning, so shall it be now. Two bodies, one mind.“ - Pon Farr Ritual Lines

Tuvok can have a little overwhelming guilt, sorrow and heartache as a treat. Also, people need to start talking about that fucking Pon Farr opener because it’s hardcore and so loving. Anyway so I was thinking about the fact that pon farr is a bonding ritual which helps to alleviate fever...how intimate that would be and how it’d feel to have to share that kind of thing with a facsimile of the person you care about. It’s not just sex, it’s love. And Tuvok loves his wife - to the point that even having sex with a hologram that didn’t look like T’Pel was unacceptable to him. To the point that he noticed that her ears were 4 millimeters too long. It must be difficult knowing that your wife is there, waiting for you, still in love with you, but you can’t reach her. It must be difficult holding a woman who looks almost exactly like your wife but where she had a mind as familiar to you as your own (a mind which was your own, as yours was hers) this woman has only a static buzz and a voice you half-remember. I think it’d be very complicated and painful! And so so interesting! And I was picturing Tuvok, still under the pon farr’s influence, feeling so bad about not being able to control himself and also missing T’Pel and his children and regretting being trapped in the delta quadrant and just like....crying. All of his emotions from the past few years are just bubbling to the surface. And Holo T’Pel doesn’t know. She can’t help him like the real T’Pel could. She can’t receive his telepathic apology or pain or love and he won’t say it out loud because her inability to respond/understand is painful and in his state he feels the pain is deserved. What use would talking to a hologram be? It would just be even more pathetic. But Holo T’Pel sees that he’s crying she asks what’s wrong and when he doesn’t answer she presses their heads together as if they actually could speak properly, telepathically, and know each other. But they can’t. They are two bodies, two minds. They will never become one.

#The words floating around Tuvok in the last few panels are 'Ni'droi'ik nar-tor' which means I apologize/I'm sorry #He's trying to communicate these to T'Pel but as this T'Pel is just a hologram he cannot speak telepathically with her #comix #Tuvok #T'Pel #Tuvok/T'Pel #Tuvok art #T'Pel art #bea art tag #st voyager #st voyager art #sometimes being with a hologram that looks like your wife whom you've missed since episode 1.....is worse #he finally sees her again!! After all these years!!! And it's like...it's n ot her but it's her!! It's a memory of her - inaccurate #SO MUCH of pon farr is bonds....forming the bond speaking through the bond etc etc Vulcan love is communicated through bonds #BUT SHE'S A HOLOGRAM!!! She has no mind to bond with!!!! Can you see it?? Are you picking up what I'm screaming down?? It's a gd tragedy!!#Tuvok can't lose himself in the fantasy that this is his wife like maybe a human could #then maybe the logical thing is that oh ok I'll just treat this being like a hologram - an aid for my pon farr #BUT NO because that's his WIFE....it looks and sounds like his WIFE....they did a whole ritual together before starting!!!#It's a lose lose situation it's brilliant its heart wrenching and I need more people to see my vision v_v #my writing #the tragedy of saying 'from you I receive all that I am' to a hologram imitating the person you love most #star trek #star trek vulcans #star trek art

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