#and sometimes fear is healthy

[keshetchai]

As someone who enjoys religion blogging/discussions, I've come to realize that it's a good practice to be aware of the general signs/symptoms of religious-OCD thinking (aka scrupulosity), because if the conversation is taking on all the hallmarks of scrupulosity, it's actually a definitive sign that we cannot meaningfully and compassionately engage in a conversation about religion in a healthy way. I've actually had this play out a significant number of times online, and when I realized what it was, I also began to realize that the intrusive thoughts/obsessive and compulsive thinking are only ever fed by continuing the discussion with that person.

[[ Important edit to clarify why I am saying it's not healthy — made after I went back to look for more concrete facts about OCD or anxiety (I have GAD, not OCD, but many resources overlap since they're both anxiety disorders):

When Reassurance is Harmful — this explains how/why reassurance-seeking specifically about an OCD fear is a compulsive behavior, and engaging with reassurance-seeking interferes with recovery/management/treatment.

This table from the Anxiety Disorders Center lists key differences between Information Seeking and Reassurance Seeking.

This IOCDF page on Scrupulosity info for Faith Leaders identifies "symptom accommodation" as enabling. Two of the examples of doing this by participating in the OCD behavior are: "Engage in excessive conversation focused on if-then scenarios (e.g., "If I did this, then would X or Y happen? And what if Z was involved? How about W?")" And, "Repeatedly answering questions about ‘correct’ religious or faith practices."

That page also goes on to outline more info about reassurance seeking. "Although providing answers to (often simple!) questions may seem harmless, providing reassurance serves to maintain the anxiety disorder cycle." (This BMC psychiatry article cites a lot of related studies establishing this.)

The IOCDF page on What is OCD and Scrupulosity? ]]

Imo, the responsible thing to do is to recognize that (even if the other person hasn't outright stated it/isn't diagnosed)* the conversation is not about religion, it is about needing mental health support from professionals and experts. Talking to me, the layperson who enjoys chatting theology and my religion — is not only not helping, but is actively harmful. I'm not just talking about the person who I replied to today, either. Like I've said, I've seen this happen dozens of times in various online forums.

*[while I am against diagnosing strangers on the internet, it's important to realize A) lots of people don't know what Scrupulosity is, so it's possible they've never considered this is a mental health concern that could be treated, and that B) for the purposes of my concern, it doesn't matter if they actually have diagnosed OCD. The only thing that matters is that their thought-process causes them genuine distress/fear, and every response given to them seems to only incite new/additional distressing questions/thoughts, or further entrenches the original distress.]

Ultimately, any discussion aside from "you might want to speak to a mental health professional about scrupulosity OCD" seemingly puts me in the position of feeling as if I am being used for their self-harm. I hate that feeling. I do not want to be leverage for fear and pain. I have GAD, I despise the idea that I am making things worse.

No matter how much I love religious discussion, the answer in these cases is always "please reach out to an OCD specialist/mental health professional. I am not qualified to discuss this." And then to stop there. I have never once seen anyone stuck in this compulsive thought spiral be reassured or feel any better by hearing from someone else's approach to theology handled with things like empathy, compassion, logic, or even atheism. It doesn't matter what we say, how we say it, or how we relate to our own religion. The urge to engage in this kind of conversation in order to chat about religion is a sign that we are not equipped to help.

You can't have a conversation here, because intentionally or not, ten times out of ten, you are adding fuel to the fire. Just like people can't simply tell me something that would erase/talk me out of my ADHD/depression/anxiety disorder, you also cannot simply argue/reassure/persuade people out of scrupulosity. We should not try. We have a responsibility to consider that it's outright harmful to do so, and to disengage.

#this is a massive pet peeve of mine #im not mad at the people who responded about religion and religious thinking bc it took me time to realize what this was too #like im sure i used to view these kinds of questions in a more...idk flippant light when i was a teenager and maybe even in my 20's #as i became more educated about my own mental health though i started to realize the pattern in these fears #and like many of you i probably originally started replying to people with scrupulosity or similar religious anxieties genuinely #not realizing at first that replying to their fears or questions was inevitable harmful #not realizing that hey actually this is far above my paygrade #ocd/obsessive thinking and anxiety spirals can be crippling life ruining and immensely painful #and unfortunately my love of theological discussions sometimes tripped me RIGHT into what was essentially self-harm #so im not mad at other people for also making that mistake - but i am asking everyone to think about this actively #its too easy to leap in without considering if the discussion is healthy to have for our discussion partner #its definitely too easy to contribute to the pain and fear while only meaning to genuinely help what is misunderstood as a mere “worry” #bc these arent just small fears or worries but thoughts that are causing them immense pain

[samijey]

#jey uso #sami zayn #wwe #the usos #samijey #smackdown #crying screaming throwing up etc #the one time?? THE ONE TIME???? my brother in christ #he's so close to getting it but still so far #jey uso to therapy challenge #hello jey and welcome to our weekly session #today we'll be talking about PRIDE and how it can sometimes blind us to our true feelings #also how abusive relationships can cause us to fear new ones HEALTHY ONES #roman needs to be fined a billion dollars for the emotional trauma he's caused this man #jail JAIL for roman for a thousand years #this isn't about any titles at this point this is about jey getting his soul back am i right ladies #stuff i made

[spocks-kaathyra]

"ur repressed" okay well have u even considered that emotions r purposeless and only serve to cause harm to those around u and I have achieved a unique transcendent state beyond them. have u considered that

#joking but like. am I wrong though #yeah no one is able to overcome the inherent human flaw of emotion and anyone who thinks they can is in fact mentally unwell #except for me I'm built different I have actually managed to transcend emotion. this is a good thing and not a problem #I saw my father's anger and my mother's discontent and my brother's self loathing and my friend's yearning. #and I saw how it only made everyone more unhappy. and I decided I would be above them all and never let my emotions rule me. #I was scared of the dark until I realized that fear wasn't useful to feel. so I stopped feeling it #this is a good thing and I am a paragon of mental health I think #mmm alternatively I was made to play mediator in a family of traumatized ppl and learned to repress my emotions to the point of dysfunction #but I prefer to think I'm enlightened and have no problems. this is fine and will not blow up in my face #anyways. just now realizing that this might stem from my childhood. oops #also realizing that I'm probably not aro and I just learned to turn off romantic attraction bc I saw how miserable it made my friend?? #well. I still don't experience romantic attraction. but probably I should and I will if I ever sort out this repression thing. whoopsie #really she was ready to kill herself over some white guy and I looked at that and was like. nope. I'm never stooping to that level #mm might not help that my parents never loved each other and I never had a healthy romantic relationship modeled for me as a child #but still like really like what is the point. of having emotions. they're just not useful #oh hurr durr I'm angry at my friends for talking over a tv show. there is no way to act on this without damaging ppl and relationships #ohh I'm in love with this guy who will never love me back. THERE IS NO PRODUCTIVE WAY TO ACT ON THIS #literally emotions can only be destructive and I'm a better person for opting out of them #there are no downsides to being repressed! I can still feel positive emotions. I'm happy sometimes. sometimes I'm excited. it's fine #guy who is Unpacking Things live on ur dash. sorry #narcissus's echoes #vent

[nevada-got-screwed-over]

Actually I don’t think I’ll ever forgive how Wash’s disability and subsequent ‘cure’ was handled.

#beans speaks #personal #rvb #red versus blue #the Carolina and wash plotline was a lil ehhh bc I don’t think they gave Carolina’s attitude abt his new limits a healthy foil #like it would have been see easy to have Dr Grey or Wash himself parallel her fear and frustration #and it could have gotten into such character depth too! #shine a light on her past trauma with losing people/them getting hurt to show that a lot of her perspective is ultimately selfish #which isn’t ‘wrong’ it’s normal considering what she’s been through but she needs to respect wash’s autonomy! #I haven’t seen 0 but. I heard. they gave him a. a fucking AI and it was all yippee he’s fine #as though that doesn’t go against like a major personal boundary of Wash (not a big fan of ai in his head) while also ignoring the whole. #yeah we just have to deal with this. it’s not fun and it’s gonna suck sometimes but it doesn’t change our love or respect. #sorry if I sound insane I also haven’t watched that season in a while and I’m. a lil. wooo tonight y’know #like as a disabled person w a progressive condition that is stopping me from doing things I used to be able to do #and will continue to limit my abilities as the years go by #it makes me wanna tear someone limb from fucking limb

[thottybrucewayne]

The only reason yall talk the way you do online is because people stopped dropping addresses and pulling up.

#thotty speaks #I think you need a healthy fear of getting jumped sometimes that's my stance on things.

[tomatoluvr69]

Sitting down to floss and brush my teeth has been lifechanging. On a completely unrelated note how the fuck am I supposed to have this skeleton for several more decades. It’s all over for me lads 😔

#knees hurt. hips hurt. back hurts. wrists hurt. swag #it’s not this bad most of the time but by the end of the day it’s like auuuugh #it really is too bad that I’ve got extreme doctor fears because of the IssuesTM! #and oh yeah I don’t have health insurance LOL… #which I am using as a convenient excuse to avoid going to the doctors LOL #i have some doctor ~traumas~ I think LOL! #im working up to it. it’s glacial. sometime this year maybe? #I went twice as an adult and both times were for health forms for college enrollment #I’ve been to the ER and an urgent care once or twice though so clearly I’m FINE… #this is BAD do not be like me #but it’s only become clear to me in the past year or two that the incidents in my childhood reeeeally affected me #and to have US healthcare be such a profoundly difficult and punitive process basically means I am just never going to like jump through #those hoops only to be confronted with a severe phobia lol #im not saying that’s a reasonable train of thought but it’s more that that’s my subconscious reasoning #but it is a 2024 goal to get seen by a doctor #but the other thing is that it’s so fucking clear to me that they will do NOTHING for either PMDD or my joint pain which are my chief #complaints at the moment #but like i should probably be like getting routine panels and Pap smears :-( #everything’s SO EXPENSIVE… #They’ll be like give me your blood. ok all normal everything is healthy. ok that’ll be literally $200 #:-( #ugh I’m upsetting myself just thinking about doctors. ok Goodnight #(with full intention to keep scrolling)

[vvanessaives]

everyone pick which romance i should do first i can't choose by myself this is too hard i need others to decide for me i swear i will follow your judgment

#rena.txt #context if you aren't familiar with my girl: half moon-elf warlock from waterdeep (don't get swayed here skfjsk)/disgraced noble who lived #most of her life under the wings of very abusive parents that didn't love her at all. her approach to love was killing the codependent best #friend she was obsessed with (his fault trust me) and nearly killed the girl she was later in love with (i sense a problem with killing..) #she thinks of herself as unlovable. mostly a weapon you can point and use. she doesn't know what a home should feel like and needs #someone to show her what love is (healthy this time). also she loves poetry and the sea and music and plays the lute and loves good jokes #even if she barely shows her laugh she can and will if you're a friend she trusts. also i fear she's barely in her right state of mind since #she can sometimes hear the dead bestie speak to her and she has his skull in a pouch so she can talk to or unleash her rage on it. #weird girl but who isn't :))) skfjskfks my best friend said i need to let her find happiness OR ELSE so here we are. #i had a tragic demise planned for her but he said i need to stop making my ocs suffer for once #also i'll surely romance both at some point but like. first choice usually fries my brain forever

[theriu]

Gentle reminder to myself that writing hard and traumatic plot points is not me actually inflicting pain on a real person. The story is a vessel to explore these topics in a safe way without hurting real people, and I also get to include elements like happy endings and healing at my discretion. Sometimes these things even help people with real trauma find comfort and, oh most blessed of outcomes, some healing themselves.

#writeblr #reminders for me #sometimes I fear I am thinking too much kf my characters as real people #and immersion is important #but remember it’s fiction and a safe place #encouragement #if this helps anyone else great :) #I avoid talking about my characters in a real-person way to help me with this #no doubt Im more sensitive after doing a lot of roleplaying gaming years back where we writers occasionally broke the fourth wall #and let our characters yell at us #and thats fine if it doesnt bother you #but its also good to know when I need to back off that and keep a healthy barrier #I love my characters and my stories and hope they help people someday

[androcola]

i have a concerning amount of apathy towards people actually.i think there's something seriously wrong with me

#i think (i fear) that i have a personality disorder of some kind #i literally. mentally cognitively cannot connect to people. at all. my entire life #like theyre fun to talk to sometimes and i think id be kinda lonely and upset withiut them #but other than that .thats really it #like .i dont havd a healthy like...view of people #especially of my impact on people. i dont do wrong on purpose. but i cannot connect #i dont actually.thijk that i have empathy. i am aware that things are bad and i guess i have cognitive empathy #like i can be aware of stuff.but other than that its like.theres nothing in me

[doveotion]

u really have to look inside urself and realize that sometimes the problem IS you, that sometimes you're in the wrong, that you've done bad things b4 but that doesn't mean you're a bad person. take a breath. it's okay. keep moving forward

#diary #idk if this is part of rejection sensitivity but please please please do not let ur fear of being wrong hinder you #it comes to a point where people dont even (or cant even) want to make healthy boundaries w you #or respectfully call you out on problematic past behavior #we're all learning and growing. its okay to be wrong sometimes

[madigoround]

💜

#okay so here’s the thing is that a hardware store near me is having a big sale this weekend and there’s a few things that I had been eyeing #and researching for my home that are on sale like my living room / kitchen have really tall ceilings and I’d need an extra tall ladder to #get up there to change lightbulbs check the fire alarm and paint and they have one on sale from like 160 to 120 tomorrow that seems like a #good choice and I need a random orbital sander for some projects like sanding the wood planks that we are going to use to replace my porch #and I’ve been working on sanding my kitchen table I got used to get the paint off and stain instead and similar with my coffee table and #that’s on sale from like 50 to 20 dollars plus the sanding pads are on sale a few bucks off as well #and I think there’s one or two smaller things plus I need to get groceries tomorrow and I got a coupon in the mail for free fries with a #purchase at a burger place and I was thinking of taking myself out to lunch tomorrow before I saw about the sale and started making #decisions about potentially spending a lot of money and I have anxiety spending money and I’ve been working on it but it’s still something #that I will probably struggle with somewhat for the rest of my life it’s about managing in healthy #ways instead blah blah blah but sometimes when I talk to my aunt about this she gets frustrated with me because she thinks if I need those #things and have the money I should just buy it and not cause a scene about it and I don’t want to be dramatic but it’s like a #piercing adrenaline fear of not having the money to survive or get what I need in the future and anyways this isn’t what I meant to talk #about what I meant to talk about was that I’m thinking of spending a lot of money tomorrow and technically I have the money and the stuff is #on sale at least the hardware stuff not the groceries so despite it feeling like I’m spending a lot of money at once it will be more cost #efficient to buy them tomorrow than if I waited a few months and there wasn’t a sale going on #so I should purchase them and get groceries and maybe MAYBE even take myself out to lunch as a celebration of how much effort I’ve been #putting into fixing up my home that I love so much and just getting through this period of so much change as best I can #and not have a panic attack about it because it’s going to be okay and I have the money and I have a job with money coming in and I need #those items anyway and will need to buy them at some point and they will likely be more expensive in the future so it is okay for me to #spend the money on it now and it’s not the end of the world everything is going to be okay *right*? #I don’t know I’m just talking to myself mostly #this was a way to get my thoughts out about it without being advised to just get over it #also my tummy hurts and I’m being so brave about it #sort of lol

[curly-cottage-girl]

.

#okay nvm not bed yet #but fr tumblr is great esp now that we’re rejecting cringe culture #bc you know what sometimes going a little manic and feral DOES cure the depression #I’m finally letting myself feel again and not worry about being cringe for having Interests #so y’all have to deal with it… sorry heheh #idk I guess lately I’ve been feeling (or letting myself feel) these bursts of excitement more #that previously spent years of my life repressing because of how I was treated #and actually no! I think these are healthy! #I don’t realize how much of my general existence is low lying depression symptoms until I have a brief time of Madness #also they’re not like #crazy or severe enough to where I think they’re the Mental Illness(s) lmao #to delete later probably #but I want to Talk and I’m finally done with always repressing myself out of fear of rejection #so cringy enthusiasm it is 😌

[mars-ipan]

as an alloace i gotta say i am so goddamn grateful to all the aros out there for reminding me that romance isn’t everything teehee thx aspec siblings 👍

#i’m very much a romantic if u can’t tell. i am obsessed with love #and sometimes i’m too obsessed! i get caught in thought spirals #part of why i’m not good at having a crush lmao. i overthink so hard #but then the aros in my life will remind me that i can love someone like a friend or a brother #or just deeply care for someone and value their presence in my life regardless of the context it’s in #funnily enough it makes me BETTER at romance. instead of overthinking every interaction with a crush #i get to just be happy to be in their company. i don’t worry about fucking it up and ruining my chances or anything #less fear of rejection = more confidence = smoother interactions = increased chances of romance #it’s great! and also keeps me from ever feeling alone. i have my friends :] #‘n i love ‘em. #and while i WANT a romance i don’t NEED it #it’s really healthy actually and i’m appreciative of that #thx for getting me to challenge that internalized amatonormativity besties. greatly appreciative <2

[vakta]

sure eating mcdonald's won't make me skinnier but at least it won't make my wallet skinnier either

#ive spent 1 hour serching up restaurants and everything is literally twice as expensive #so idc im having mcdonalds food again tomorrow #yeah i could just bring a sandwich from home but i dont want to waste an opportunity to eat out since i hardly ever go anywhere #so yeah mcdonalds it is then #btw i rly hope its not triggering to joke abt this #what i want to say is mcdonalds may not have the best most balanced nutritional value but its relatively cheap and convenient #and i think thats important too #and its definitely okay to eat mcdonalds food even if its 'unhealthy' bc you need to take into consideration other aspects too #bc eating all healthy stuff always is very expensive and difficult too #and sometimes you may just crave fast food and thats okay too!! #so yeah anyways fast food is not the devil itself and u dont need to fear it <3

[fuckdamn]

slightly drunk but i’m sitting here thinking about jane margolis and like actually actively sobbing. i’m so sad she died what the fuck. her dad was a hardass and probably not someone i’d like very much irl but he also clearly loved her very very profoundly and if he didn’t like that he couldn’t always understand her lifestyle and choices and motives it wasn’t out of disgust or whatever it was because he was scared that if he couldn’t understand her then he couldn’t help her. is that fair to her?? no. and in the end he couldn’t save her because you can’t really save someone from themselves but how can that fact be any consolation when its your own child?? AND how can jane deal with being treated like a problem without internalizing that he thinks she’s a problem?? there’s no good answers there’s no right answers there’s only love that’s there despite everything and care and tenderness and the art that jane left behind and her room exactly how she left it like she could come back at any second but she CAN’T because don WATCHED them zip his lifeless daughter into a body bag and cart her off. that’s it. their last confrontation was a fight and the last time he saw her she was crying and she deserved better and she should have had more time and that’s all you can really say!! and don and jesse will have to carry on under the weight of not only crushing grief but crushing guilt (while the man who could have literally physically saved her will continue to justify his failure to act through increasingly twisted rationale). jane was edgy and snarky and ostensibly kept most people at arm’s length but she was vulnerable just beneath the surface and she was dry and funny and smart and self-possessed and creative and she made beautiful things and saw beauty in things and she was kind enough to give jesse a chance when nobody else would and making impulsive mistakes during a relapse doesn’t make her some kind of evil temptress who was in it for the money all along and the fact that i’ve seen so many dudebro takes that imply just that makes me want to scream. she was only in like half a season but to me she is utterly indelible i love you jane i hope you are painting sick ouroboros murals in the afterlife

#lotte.txt #truly part of it is that father/daughter stuff just Gets to me #and (okay tw for talk of my own mental health issues in tags) #(namely suicide and sh and things of that nature) #but when i think of my suicide attempts and the worst of my self harm issues. and the way my parents were so afraid and i couldn’t see why #because in my mind it was just a battle of wills — i wanted control (over my life over my death) and they wanted to control me #for reasons — whatever they were — i couldn’t internalize that they were angry because they were scared and they loved me #but looking back on that time in my life now with much more clarity and a much better relationship with them? #the thought that i was so close to TAKING myself from them? that they were so close to losing a child who they love? haunts me breaks me #and if those thoughts ever resurface i imagine imagining how crushed my parents would be — i can’t even actually *imagine* it because itself #too painful #and my father is rational and reasonable and utilitarian sometimes to a fault and i rarely see him show fear or intense emotion #he is very loving and very kind but he’s a solutions first comfort second kinda guy #and i just remember how the solutions he would offer wouldn’t always help but he’d always offer them and sometimes it was annoying #but like he was doing what he could. he was trying so hard to keep me present and safe and healthy and alive #i don’t want to look at all of this through rose colored glasses because i had some really ugly moments w my parents. as jane did with don #but the point is (and i’m lucky enough to be alive to realize this) that this was all predicated upon profound love #and like again. the thought of even picturing how my dad would take it if i died is too much to bear #even typing this is making me weep uncontrollably lol #but so like. when don drives past the duplex and sees the paramedics and already knows that the unthinkable has come to pass. #the look of abject devastation and hollowness on his face. like the light’s gone out forever. it breaks me to my fucking core #i identify with jane in a lot of ways and . and like . okay you get my gist #ANYWAY!!!!!!! :D #brba #jane margolis

[cullenalices]

living life actually

#i am not repressing things actually #i am just letting myself feel them #but im also trying to decompress because ive had a effed up week #mostly my own fault. mostly because my lungs were all awful yesterday and i had a migraine on wednesday #and also because i was a little heartbroken #but im going to do my nails and watch hotd and listen to sierra ferrell and read my favourite fic again this evening #i really am trying to just! cope with things in a healthy manner but my body and mind seem to be hating me a lot more recently #all i can really do is pray and try not to stress out about everything too much #i fear i may be complaining too much trying to tone that down a bit i sound nightmarish sometimes