#and some of his comments about his sexuality in interviews (even if they were vague) still reads as something someone who isn't straight

[everythingne]

marketing ploy ln4 - ch 6

Austria goes to shit. Great Britain follows.

piastri!oc x lando norris, bestfriends brother/fake dating

warnings/notes: inappropriate comments, lando being overprotective, arguments/cursing, mildly severe car accidents (guys its an f1 fic what we were expecting. gotta do the cliche for my first fic), vague descriptions of injury, a few sexual comments, this is SO LONG. like 5k-6k words?

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01 JULY, AUSTRIA.

I woke up with a bad feeling in my chest and an odd headache. My lone hotel room, to give Oscar and Lily some space since she was finally able to tag along again this season, felt so enclosing. Slowly pulling myself out of bed, I groaned and immediately went to get ready when I noticed the time. Luckily, it was only qualifiers today, so I didn't have much to do other than hide in my office and make sure no one's car was going to explode.

But god, on my worst day, everything has to go wrong.

First, Max's tires never got warmed. Something was broken, and I had to do so much boring bullshit paperwork. Then, Checo's brakes got sticky and we had to have him DNF. Then for some reason, half the fucking sensors hadn't even recorded anything so I couldn't even tell why they had gotten sticky. But I did feel a bit better (not at all) knowing it had also happened to a few other drivers so it wasn’t just us.

So I was having the greatest time, sarcasm fully intended. And then I completely missed seeing Oscar and Lily for lunch because I was in an emergency meeting. And by the time I got out of Red Bull's garage, it was nearing five at night and I hadn't had anything to eat or anything to drink after one water bottle and my headache still had gotten worse because of it.

And then got immediately swamped by reporters.

Luckily, I saved some class and patience and was able to make it through fine but by the time I got to McLaren's garage, I was about ready to snap at someone.

"Ollie!"

Thank god.

"Oscar." I hum as he wraps an arm around my shoulder, and then he makes a face as he notices just how exhausted I am.

"You guys had it rough today." He says and I just nod, rubbing at my jaw and rolling my neck as he steps back, leans over, and hands me a packet of some sort of assorted chocolates.

"I love you so much." I sigh as I open the packet and he laughs, dragging me further into the garage where everyone else is settled and just relaxing. McLaren had a really good day, both Lando and Oscar in Q1 and I can see everyone laughing and celebrating. A completely different feel from the tense garage at Red Bull. Lily gives me a tight hug when she sees me and urges me to come sit with her so we can catch up, we end up in a bit further and in a corner so we can have a bit of privacy. All is fine, and Lily is very quickly improving my mood as we giggle and share stories (and I happily answer all her questions about Lando and me) before we're approached by a guy I don't recognize.

"You guys need water?" He asks innocently, and though it's not extremely hot in Austria, I take one from his hands. Lily denies it, showing off the water bottle she's still drinking, and the guy seemingly just blips out.

"Weird." I hum, cracking open the water bottle and taking a sip of the cool liquid, "Never seen him before. Maybe he's new?"

"Or a volunteer?" Lily suggests and I shrug in response, eventually, Oscar comes over and wraps an arm around Lily's waist and she grins, popping a kiss on his cheek. Finally, the two of them were actually looking like a couple in public. Which, is probably what happens when two introverts start dating. I swear they didn't hold hands for months.

"Lando's being interviewed if you wanna wait for him for the media shit." Oscar pokes my hand and I pretend to flick the water bottle at him. The two of us make faces for a few seconds before I nod, taking another sip of my water bottle.

"Yeah, he and I are going out to eat again tonight. Andrea's idea." I sigh, looking over my shoulder where I can see Lando sitting with some people with a microphone in hand. I notice though it's not Sky, but rather ESPN, and I hum before turning back to Oscar and Lily and wishing them on their way. I pull out my phone, answering a few texts before someone walks up beside me. And it's the same guy from earlier.

"Oh. Hi." I say softly as he smiles at me, looking a little flustered for a second before he starts talking.

"Just wanted to say hello, I'm one of the mid-season hires. I'm an engineering assistant, Jordan." He held out his hand and I grinned, shaking his hand firmly.

"Olivia Piastri, Oscar's younger sister. I'm Red Bull's head analyst." I let go of his hand and Jordan nods, he wrings his hands before he continues talking and I feel the confidence he's trying to exhume here.

"Ah, I've seen a bit about you. Kinda hard to miss such a pretty face." Jordan grins, running a hand through his hair and tilting his head with a tiny grin. 

Is he flirting with me? Is this guy daft?

"Well, thank you. But uhm--" I look around the garage, hoping to maybe signal another person in the garage to come over and get me out of this just terribly awkward situation. Lando's wrapping up his interview, handing back his microphone and laughing softly as he shakes hands with the reporters. 

"Seriously, you're by far one of the most gorgeous girls I've seen." Jordan steps a bit closer and leans on the wall beside me with his body covering my view of the majority of the garage, "are you free tonight? I'd like to get to know you better."

I step back, putting myself back into the view of the garage as I try to keep my patience and shake my head no. I'd never had this issue before, how exactly does one stop unwanted advances? I'd never had to, I was never alone when these sorts of things happened to me. 

So, I stammer, "Ah, I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend and.."

"Ay, is he here? Because I don't see anyone staking their claim on you." Jordan grins and I tighten my grip on the water bottle and click my tongue against my teeth. Okay, if he was gonna be like that I could be bitchy too. I glance back across the room one final time, making eye contact with Jon who gives me a sharp nod, but I don't see Lando anymore. Which... could be good or bad.

"He works for McLaren, and is a part of your team, so you might wanna... not... flirt with me?" I turn back to Jordan, make an uncomfortable grimace at him, and end up tightly crossing my arms over my uniform shirt, "So..."

"Yeah, who's your boyfriend then?" Jordan hums, looking over, "Jon?"

"Me," A hand slides across my waist, fingers digging into my skin harsh enough to likely leave bruises as I'm tugged back into Lando's chest. With one hand still firm on my waist, his other hand comes to my jaw so he can turn me to press a soft kiss to my lips before he leans back and whispers, "Hi, baby."

"Hi, Nori." I smile, turning back to Jordan who raises an eyebrow. And I can already tell this is going to be terrible because he hasn't exactly backed down. I see a reporter tilt their camera at us, and I grip Lando's wrist to tell him to back off. But Lando stays close, and my cheeks tint red as Jordan starts to speak.

"Got yourself a good-lookin' girl there, Lando." Jordan grins, winking at me and making my skin crawl. Lando's hands tighten on my waist, pulling me into him a bit more if that's even possible, and now I'm not even mad that he's doing this anymore. I wanted to be doing anything else than being here.

"Mhm. Olivia's my girl, don't you know? She's been my girlfriend for a while, so why dont'cha step back?" Lando smiles, but his threat is not hidden very well. 

"Ay, it's all good Lando, I don't like to share my meals."

"Oh-kay!" I shout but Lando takes over, stepping around me to point at Jordan and get in his face. I see half the McLaren garage turn, and someone shouts to send the media out of the garage as the cameras scramble to try and take photos and videos of the altercation.

"If you know what's good for you--" Lando grits, eyes narrowing as Jordan smirks in his face. His confidence was a far cry from the scrawny guy who had walked up to me prior, Lando continues through his teeth, "You won't say anything like that again or I'll make sure you can't speak anymore."

"Sorry, man. Didn't realize this would piss you off so much," Jordan takes a step back, his smile making it known his apology was fake, and my tight grip on Lando's wrist makes it so he won't follow.

"Bye, Jordan," I say, voice soft but level. A sort of period to the end of whatever conversation Lando and Jordan had silently through their eyes before Jordan backed off and slipped into the crowd of McLaren officers off to the side. I keep my iron grip on Lando's wrist and he slowly turns around to look at me. At this point, my exhaustion and anger from the whole day is bubbling just under my skin. Unlike my twin, I was never good at completely holding myself back when I got like this.

"Lando." My tone comes out much colder than I'm expecting, and I grab his wrist again and forcefully tug him to my side as I hiss, "What the fuck was that?!"

"Did you hear what he said?"

"Yes! But was that worth threatening him?"

"What did you want me to do?" He said and when I peeked over his shoulder and saw everyone watching, I grabbed Lando by the collar and pulled him into Andrea's vacant office, slamming the door shut and pointing at him.

"I had it handled, okay?" I snap, "He was just being a jackass, you didn't have to threaten to make him unable to speak--Lando! Who the fuck says that?!"

"Did you have it handled? That was you having it handled?" Lando asks, incredulously, sitting on the edge of Andrea's desk as I stay at the door, using my heel to keep it closed just in case someone tried to push it open at any point since I knew the door didn't lock.

"You don't need to protect me like that, Lando, it's not your job!"

"It's not, I'm your boyfriend--" And the rest of what Lando says fizzles out in my head. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. The word that had been taunting me for weeks. Lando Norris, my boyfriend for the media. The boy who could never be mine. And something in my chest breaks, I can feel the tether finally snap, and I shout.

"No, you are not!" My volume surprises me, and I know McLaren can probably hear us immediately after saying it, so I drop my voice down to a hard snapping tone, "You aren't my boyfriend, Lando. You aren't! You can't be, no matter how much I love you, or you love me, or if we fall in love after all of this is over--you are not my boyfriend and you will never be because we can't be in love, Lando!"

"We can't? Who said that?!" He snaps back, "Do you think I've been doing all of this for media? For a fucking paycheck? God, no Ollie. I fell in love with you the first time Oscar brought you around! Do you think I agreed with this for a check? No, I agreed to that stupid contract because it's you! If it was anyone else I would've just walked the fuck out of that office, it's you I want, only you, only you, Olivia."

"But you know you can't have me, so why string me along like this? We can't be together, no matter what we want, we're gonna have to break up at some point! So why should we even try?" 

"Who cares what they say? Zak, Andrea, Christian? You're gonna let them run your life?" Lando steps closer to me, taking my jaw into his gentle hold, voice so soft I feel my heart drum against my lungs, "We do what they say, sure, but once we've completed that contractual obligation... can they tell us we can't ever be this again? Be... us, again?"

"I can't do this Lando," I whisper, bringing my hands to my chest and he steps back. The space between us suddenly felt so vast, and something in me clicked and I knew something irreversible was going to be said. That maybe I had started the downfall here, and Lando's hurt expression tells me I have.

He can only whisper, "Why?"

"I just..." I stammer, making a vague gesture to the room. There's no way for me to express the thousands of thoughts that race through my head, a constant loop of some F1 circuit of emotional mess slamming into every reasonable thought and fizzling out reason.

"Because you're scared of being loved? You're scared of what will happen if you fall in love?" Lando accuses and I can't answer those questions, because I am. I'm so scared. But not because of Lando. Because of media. So I shout the next best option.

"I never wanted the attention! I didn't become a driver because I can't handle the media like you all can! And yet I end up here, and--" I go to keep talking and Lando holds up a hand, shouting over me,

"Okay, then back out! You clearly want nothing to do with me, or this, or everything that's happening, so go tell Christian you're done!"

Silence. I swallow thickly because no. I don't want to be done. I want to fight tooth and nail for everything in this relationship, but also, was this what was best? Should I back out now, before everything we've done catches up to us? A hubris that needs to be checked? I knew from the beginning I was going to burn, but not like this. Never did I think it would be like this. 

"Olivia..." Lando whispers, and I feel something roll down my cheeks. I'm crying I realize. The world is blurry, my throat is dry, and I'm crying over a relationship I can now see we both want but... at least to me, we can never have.

Do I ask Christian..?

"No, Lando." I sigh, doting under my teary eyes, "This is why. This is why. We will end up here one day, and I can't do that. I... I'll talk to you later."

"Ollie, wait!"

I turn, leaving the office in a hurry. I shove through the McLaren workers who try to stop me and once I'm in the clear, I run. The Red Bull paddock isn't far and once I get there I can't breathe, shoving through people who now wear the same uniform as me. My office doesn't even feel safe, the flowers on my desk mocking me, and I grab them and in a fit of rage, I throw them across the room. It doesn't make the pain in my chest leave.

“Olivia!” Someone shouts and I turn, Christian just barely in the doorway. I shout, without thinking, without even pausing.

“I’m backing out! I’m done with that media stunt—!” And a hiccup breaks my sentence, “Get me out of it!”

“I—“

“—Now, Christian!”

The garage is silent after my scream, and poor Christian looks horrified as he nods, and shuts the door to my office. I let a shaky breath out as I realize what I’ve done is irreversible, but there’s so much pain in my whole heart I can’t tell if that’s what’s hurting me. I sink to my knees on the floor, a hand on my chest, a hand on the carpet, and I sob.

I don’t even know why I’m crying.

An arm is around my shoulder, a set of hands resting on my elbows as someone whispers to me. I don't even know who the people are when I look up, and the sight of both Max and Checo kneeling in front of me makes the tears double. At some point, Checo leaves, once I've calmed enough for Max to convince me to lay down with his jacket covering my legs as I hiccupped and slowed down my breathing with Max's hand applying solid pressure to my chest.

Charles and Daniel come back with Checo, who then leaves the room entirely, and I end up with my weird little mixed driver support group on the floor in my office.

Something so odd, something that should not be happening in any way, but yet here we are.

Somehow, one relationship shattering had made the other relationships in my life more clear. Relationships that had started casually and professionally, and ended up with me now having twenty or so brothers at this point. 

Brothers.

Just like Oscar.

-

Max drops me at Oscar's hotel room a few hours later when he returns from his date with Lily. She ends up going off on her own, with a few of the other WAGs, to give Oscar and me privacy. I settle on the couch, sipping a water bottle as Oscar looks out the window. I hadn't told anyone else what Lando and I had argued about, Max had kinda picked up on it as had Charles, but they had given me a berth. A space to explain. When I didn't take the invitation, they didn't try and pull me in to say anything. Which I appreciated beyond words.

"What happened?" Comes the soft voice of my twin. I knew Oscar wouldn't have been like them though. 

“I backed out,” I say, rubbing a hand along the fabric beneath me.

"What?" Oscar turns to face me, "You backed out?"

"Of the shit with Lando, I can't do it anymore. I can't have my emotions being toyed with like this anymore. And we both like each other but one day they're gonna come along and tell us we need to break up and we have to listen to them." I find a stray string in the couch stitching and begin picking it. My nails dig into them, making a slightly bigger hole. It feels like the way I'd ripped a hole into my own heart earlier.

"I had a feeling this was gonna happen." Oscar walks across the room to sit on the arm of the couch, looking over at me, "what happened?"

"I just had a shit day, and... and when this guy at McLaren started flirting excessively with me he got super overprotective and threatened the guy. Which... isn't the worst but he could've handled it better." I wave my hands, "But I had such a shit day I just blew up at him over it, and we fought, and he told me to back out if I couldn't handle it... and when I got back to Red Bull I just did it. I didn't even think and now I think I made a huge fuckin' mistake but I can't go back on it now."

"Could you talk to Christian? Ask him to wait?" Oscar hums, his hand coming up to card through my hair again and I melt into his touch as per usual.

"I dunno." I murmured, closing my eyes, "I just wanna sleep the rest of the day off."

"We can talk about it tomorrow after the race, okay?" He says, looking down at me before turning to look at his phone as it buzzes on the table. I look up at him and see his jaw tense, hand pausing on my head as he makes a face.

"Oh, Christ." He whispers, turning his phone to me. I climb up to sit next to him, eyes widening as I look over the post he shares and my stomach falls to my chest.

"This is not what Christian told me would happen," I whisper, Oscar's hand squeezing my upper arm in some sort of semblance of support. Of course, getting out of this mess with Lando wouldn't be easy.

Now I needed to talk to Christian. As soon as possible.

01 JULY, TWITTER ↴

written by Julia Sine, 01 July, 2024.

Cars aren't the only thing racing down the track in Austria this weekend, so are some hearts! In an exclusive interview after the qualifier today, multiple McLaren and Red Bull workers spoke with reporter Julia Sine about what might become the next 'it couple' after Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift.

"Lando and I first spoke about it in Bahrain. He said the two of them have been close since Oscar's rookie season last year and he was worried Olivia's job would be at stake if their relationship ever leaked to the public," Steve Atkins, McLaren's Head of Communications explained while standing in the paddock with Chief Executive Officer Zak Brown and Team Principal Andrea Stella, "I went and spoke with Christian Horner, the Team Principal of [Oracle Red Bull Racing] and we agreed that since they were on separate teams, and Olivia was an analyst and not an engineer, there was no conflict of interest. Olivia did sign an NDA, just to make sure she wasn't leaking race information to Lando but it was never brought to our attention if Olivia and Lando ended up dating."

"If the two of them are dating, which again I've had nothing clarified to me if they are or aren't, I'd imagine they've been keeping it private due to concerns with the media and fans." 

"Olivia and Lando have a very unique connection, and we here at McLaren are all supportive of relations between teams. All our drivers are friends at the end of the day and we support [Lando and Oscar] being friends with any of the drivers outside of racing. However, I will say we have seen some tensions growing between our drivers and Red Bull." Andrea spoke with me and Zak right before leaving for a meeting, Zak agreed with Andrea, and he further stated, "A lot of the tension we've been seeing with Max and Lando on the track stems from this, in my opinion."

When I made my way to Red Bull to ask some more questions about the situation, I was only able to briefly speak with Alice McLoughlin, Red Bull's Head of Communications who said, "The relationships our staff members get into is not any of our business as long as it's not a conflict of interest or damaging to the staff member themselves. I have not been told if there is for certain a relationship, but if there is I wish both of them well but we will be waiting for their announcement before we decide anything.

read more online at popsugar.uk!

--

04 JULY, 2024 - MILTON KEYNES, UK.

My phone ringing breaks the three hour silence I've subjected myself to after my meeting with Christian and Ada. The meeting where I had said me wanting to back out of the contract was emotionally charged and said I no longer wanted to. Luckily, they hadn't started the process of backing me out of the contract yet, so it was pretty easy for me to stay.

Reaching over, I grab my phone and read the contact, pausing before lifting it to my ear, "Lando..?"

"Ollie, hey... uhm, how are you?" He sounds uncertain, almost like he wasn't sure if I was going to pick up. I can't blame him for thinking that, since our last conversation was that big fight.

"Tired." I admit, but don't say it's because I've lost sleep thinking I was going to lose him, "I'm working late again tonight."

"Oh, sorry... do you want me to call you later?" I hear what sounds like a gear shifting, and I briefly wonder if he's on his sim.

"No, I'm just uploading files. And your voice is honestly more welcome than the silence of a nearly empty Red Bull garage... why'd you call?" I turn to look out the windows at the slowly setting sun, watching as the world is beginning to be coated gold.

"I wanted to apologize for the whole thing with Jordan, I shouldn't have threatened him like that." Lando's words come out rushed and squishy, like he's holding out his heart and expecting me to step on it.

I like to imagine gently covering his heart, protecting it, as I speak softly, "No, no you're fine. I was having a shitty day and I took it out on you. I really should be the one apologizing, you didn't do anything wrong. You were protecting me. Thank you for that."

"Yeah, it's fine. I'd do it a thousand times." He says, then theres a long pause. It's not akward, if anything it allows me to feel the emotions roll through me-- embarrassment at my past behavior, nervousness for his call, and a sick sort of love building in my gut that I, for once, did not push away.

Finally, Lando whispers, "did you back out?"

"I was going to, but... I talked to Christian this morning when I was a bit more level headed and we agreed I'm gonna stay." I say, and I hear him sigh with relief. A small smile bubbles across my lips, letting the giddy feeling fill my body as I tap my toes along the floor and spin my chair.

"Can you come outside?" Lando's question catches me off guard.

"What?"

"Look out your window." He says, and I scramble up from my desk and walk to the big glass panes that cover my office, looking down into the mostly vacant parking lot and there he is.

"You are something else." I whisper, then look back at my computer. I could finish the work tomorrow, "I'll be down in ten."

I scramble to save my work, kicking off my work shoes for the actual nice YSL heels I'd worn in. Once they're secure on my feet, I touch up my makeup and spritz myself with perfume. The whole time I'm giggling to myself, smiling as I pack up my desk and then throw my belongings into my purse and find myself half running to the elevator. I hurry to text Oscar that I'll be back a bit later than expected as the floors ping, and when I hit the ground floor, I throw my phone in my bag without a care, clock out and scan out, and open the door to the cool night breeze rippling across my blushing, hot skin.

God, it was so good to let myself feel this raw emotions again.

Lando pushes himself off his car, hands still in his pockets, and I bee line to him. Luckily, he kinda gets the hint of what I'm asking, and his hands come to rest on my waist when I reach him.

I pause to put my purse on the hood of his car, and then grab his collar and pull his lips to mine.

He laughs into the kiss, our teeth briefly smashing before I right us and press in deep. His arms wrap around my waist and he tugs me closer, one hand sliding up the side of the dress shirt I wear before tangling its fingers in the hair at the base of my neck. When we pull back, briefly, I giggle as he peppers kisses to my hairline before pulling me back in.

"Fuck, I missed you." He whispers against my lips and I step back, just enough to see him--and he looks exhausted. My hands come to his face and he melts into my touch, almost like he's craving it.

"I missed you too." I murmur back, watching the way he holds his eyes shut. I can see the layers of stress physically peeling away from him and being swept away by the hand I raise to run through his curls and the other hand I slide down to apply that comforting firm pressure to the chest--right under his collarbones, and then his head falls to the crook of my neck. One innocent little peck placed on my collarbone that has me shiver.

We stand like that for a while. Two silent beings in the windy, cold, English night, and eventually I convince Lando to sit in his car when my thinly covered legs start to get cold. We end up just... driving. A silence enveloping us as I rest my head on his shoulder and he keeps that damn hand on my thigh. It's gonna be the death of me. He is going to be the death of me.

But, loving Lando Norris is a death I would welcome with open arms.

04 JULY -- INSTAGRAM ↴

OLIVIAPIASTRI MADE A NEW POST!

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, maxverstappen, and 145k others...

oliviapiastri: my pretty boy <3

landonorris: this mystery guy needs a haircut hes stealing my look >:(

⤷ oliviapiastri: you'll get over it

maxverstappen: i want u to know kelly shouted 'THANK GOD' when i showed her this post

oscarpiastri: OH SO THIS IS WHY YOU MISSED OUR FUCKING MOVIE NIGHT??

⤷ oscarpiastri: ANSWER ME HELLO?

⤷ oliviapiastri: BRO HOLD ON I AM DOING SOMEONE

⤷ opheliapiastri: OLIVIA????

⤷ oscarpiastri: HOLD THEFUCKON??? OLIVIA LOUISE RAY PIASTRI.

⤷ oaklynnpiastri: moment of silence for our mystery guy. oscar is approaching his location at rapid speeds.

⤷ landonorris: rip

⤷ oscarpiastri: shut.

⤷ oliviapiastri: @ oscarpiastri I MEANT SOMETYHIN. I MEANT TOT TYPE SOMETHING. DO NOT SHOW UP TO HIS HOUSE.

christianhorner: geri said 'good that little fucker didn't break her heart' and slammed the steak knife back into the knife holder.

⤷ oliviapiastri: OH MY GOD?? THANK U MOM?? @ gerihalliwell

⤷ gerihalliwell: of course :)! girls stick together!

09 JULY -- GREAT BRITAIN.

"Max, make sure you're giving space here. These turns can get tricky." I hear someone say in the radios, my hands fidgeting with my keychains as I watch the race on the screens, and then glance over to the sensors. All was running well, back tires a bit hot, but nothing we were concerned about.

"Ollie, tell your brothers best friend to get out of the way." Max frustratedly huffs and I laugh, leaning forward to speak into the comms.

"Logan is in P9, actually, not P1." I chime, luckily getting a soft chuckle from Max. We'd been doing exceptionally well this season as per usual, even if I had sort of stopped paying attention a bit. I did note the tensions between him and Lando were really high during this race. The two had been neck and neck since the beginning, and everytime they got a one-up on the other it just made them push harder. They had a pretty good gap between them and the rest of the racers, with Oscar holding his own in P3. It seemed like another weekend with those three on top, but at least watching this race was interesting.

The breaking sensors start flashing, indicating they're running too hot, so I chime, "Max, ease up on breaking. We might want to look into getting your tires swapped for mediums soon."

Max doesn't respond, but he does ease up on the breaking. Which makes me feel a bit better.

"Lando's coming in hot to the pit." Someone says, and I glance up over the computers and my eyebrows knit. He's driving weird. Like... almost as if he doesn't have control of steering. I see the safety car prepare for a possible departure and I stand, looking down at Max's sensors, and then someone shouting brings my attention back up.

"He can't stop!"

There was a moment where it felt like everything froze. My hands couldn’t find my mouth fast enough to hide my shock. Lando’s car slams probably two hundred kilometers into the barrier that leads into the pit lane and skids along the wall all the way inside the lane until it spins and slams into another one of the barriers. Red Bulls paddock is first in the pit this round, and I can see the smoke beginning to billow around Lando's car immediately once the car fully stops. People are shouting, McLaren engineers sort of straggling by the exit to the track as a yellow is waved, waiting for a command. I see Jon amongst them, shouting into his headset, and I hate the silence lets me hear his voice strain as he hollers,

"Lando! Lando, are you alright?"

I can't hear a response from the McLaren driver even if I strain my ears.

“Lando—come on.” I find myself saying, hearing Max and Checo on the radio asking for clarification of what happened, but also hearing someone say it was clear for people to go and get Lando out of a burning car. My headphones are yanked off my head and Christian’s hand firmly pushes me forward.

“Go.” Is all he has to say.

I’m running faster than I can carry myself, stumbling over numb legs as I sprint to the car. My hands scrape the concrete as I nearly fall, but I save myself the embarrassment of wiping out with a quick stumble and keep running. I can hear more people behind me as I climb up, holding onto the halo to stabilize myself.

“Lando!” I shout as I grab Lando’s helmet and slowly slide his head back as I start to detach him from his seat belts. Jon is there immediately, helping my shaky hands undo the devices. I keep looking at Lando's visor, trying to catch his eyes, but there’s no time to waste as I smell and hear the various engineers who'd run out trying to extinguish the car. I get one side of the belt off, starting to detach the hands device from the helmet by Jon's command when two hands grab my wrist.

Snapping my gaze up, I meet Lando’s eyes from where I’m sitting, one leg wrapped around the halo so I don’t fall, one hand on his neck as I hold the clasp to the hands device, the other on the back of the car as his eyes meet mine.

I’ve never seen Lando look so…terrified. His bright eyes are staring me down, pupils small and shaking as his grip tightens on me. I know my own eyes can’t look much different.

“Ollie?” He whispers and I shush him, detaching him from the car fully as I grab him by the shoulders.

“I got you, Nori. Jon and I got you.” I say softly, looking up to where other drivers are stopped on the track—standing up in their cars to get a better view, “get up so everyone knows you’re okay.”

Lando’s hands grab my shoulders, my hands sliding to his ribs as I slowly help him to his feet with Jon on standby. Medical and McLaren officials swarm around us, hands out and ready to help as I slowly unlatch my leg and slide off the side of the car. Lando’s weight on me is nearly crushing, but once we get him out he collapses even further into my arms in a cry of agony. Two hands find my back, medics reaching to grab Lando and I almost fight them in retaliation.

“Ollie!” someone shouts and I turn to see Jon running along to the medics side. I feel stuck, trying to swallow something that makes my eyes burn. Lando’s still got a vice grip on my wrist and when the medics try to separate us—it only tightens.

“Mr. Norris—“ The woman tries.

“Lando.” I finally find the courage to move forward, they’ve got him on a gurney now, trying to lay him back but he keeps fighting them. I can’t begin to understand why, “you’re okay. Let them take care of you.”

They tilt his visor up, and I gently lay him back, Jon reciting medical information over my head as they begin to assess his damage, still pulling us further away from the car which I note is now long extinguished. They stop us at McLaren's paddocks, Jon dipping inside to grab Lando's things as we wait for an ambulance to meet us here.

“Olivia.” I hear Lando’s muffled voice and I feel tears fill my eyes as I lean down, pressing my forehead to where his visor now lays and let out a shuttering sigh that makes my body ache just as much as my heart.

“You’ll be okay, Lando. But you have to let them help you.” I speak in a strained voice, feeling one of his hands come to wrap around my waist. I find his other hand and squeeze it, before that hand comes to rest under his helmet, “I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

“I don’t wanna go without you.” he whispers, my heart shattering into a thousand pieces at his soft plea for me to stay. But I know its useless.

"I'm so sorry, baby." The words feel forced out of my mouth with how much effort it takes it whisper them, "You gotta go. And I have to stay."

"Ollie, please..." He whispers, and I press a kiss to the spot on his helmet where his lips would be, then take his gloved hand on my waist and lift it to my lips and kiss his hidden knuckles. The barrier feels unfair, but I'm doing what I can.

"As soon as I can be, I will be by your side." I say as Jon reappears, the ambulance coming up screaming besides us.

"You promise?" Lando says under the sirens and the shouting and I nod.

"I swear on my life."

That's what ends up being enough, because Lando finally lets go of me after one more final kiss to the 'mouth' of his helmet. The medics and EMTs swarm us, carefully moving Lando who groans and gasps in pain. I can't imagine what injuries he might have as they slowly and carefully load him into the back of the ambulance. Jon speaks with Lando all the while, and right before the doors slam he turns to me and shouts,

"I've got him, Olivia!"

And all I can do is nod, blinking back tears as the doors shut. The second they're pulling away I find myself crying, full body shaking that wrecks me, and I manage to be pulled into the sanctuary of the Red Bull garage by Kylie and a few other employees before it can really be taken advantage of for media points.

But I know I'll keep on my promise. Especially when Christian tells me to just do one thing.

"Go."

taglist (thank you!)

@harrysdimple05 @charli123456789 @fangirl125reader @dark-night-sky-99 @starmanv @ophcelia @buendiabebeta

#f1 fanfic #formula 1 #ln4 fic #lando norris x oc #lando norris fic #f1 smau #ln4 smau #ln4 fanfic #lando norris smau #lando norris au #lando norris fanfic

[yes-divine-ruler]

𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐒

ᥫ᭡ reblogs and comments encourage me to keep writing! ᥫ᭡

Part 5

pairing: kai anderson x fem!reader

cw: shameless smut, tiny bit of knife play

wc: 3.2k

all parts here

Taglist/ @v-love @evanpetersfav @demxnicprxncess @kitwalkersgfff @quicksilversg1rl @iruzias @alexxavicry @soaringcloud @laynna-mcknight @humdrumexistence @simp4petermaximoff @evan4ever @paujmr @jangsuzchap @meganxfox @divineruler @spill-the-t

You didn't tell anyone why you told the police to go home that day, other than that it was because Kai never showed up.

Jude sat across from you in your office, her nose in a campaign booklet, highlighting things she thought should be changed.

"I think the wording of this needs reevaluation," she began chewing on the end of her pen as she flicked through the pages, speaking out loud every thought she had.

You weren't really paying attention though. Your gaze had settled on the young couple walking their dog in the park across the street. Nothing seemed to switch on your working brain, not even the stress of the impending interview.

All you could think about was Kai. The absolute hold this man had on you was becoming unbearable, with every waking moment spent fantasising about everything that he'd done, could do, to you.

"Are you even listening to me?" Jude had finally snapped you out of your daydream by clicking her fingers in front of your face. You turned to face her with wide eyes, and finally exhaled after what felt like hours.

"I'm sorry Jude I'm just-"

"Totally not taking this campaign seriously? You know this was all your idea, right? Your interview with The Today Show is tomorrow,"

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion and your jaw set in anger. You didn't know why Jude had suddenly gotten so hostile, or why she was guilt-tripping you into thinking you weren't holding up your side of the bargain. But it wasn't the fuel you needed right now.

Just as you were about to reply with your rebuttal, your ringtone sounds from your phone on the desk. You pick it up, staring in confusion at the screen at the "unknown number". It could be important.

"Hello, Y/N speaking," You picked up the call, holding the phone closely to your ear.

"Yeah I know who it is," there was a dark chuckle down the line, and you knew it could be no other than the very man that consumed your thoughts.

"What do you want?" You spoke brashly, getting up from your chair and holding a single finger up to Jude as if to tell her you'll be back to finish the conversation later, and set out into the hallway.

"Now that's not a very nice way to greet me, is it?" Kai sounded giddy, you could just imagine the sick smile plastered across his face.

You didn't reply, chewing down on your thumb nail as you scoured the hallway for anyone that could be listening into your conversation.

"I was wondering if you wanted me to come over again tonight? No cops, of course, just some fun."

You almost choked on your own saliva at the mere mention of his proposition.

"You're kidding right? How did you even get my number?"

"I don't know why you're even asking me that doll, you know I have my ways," you should've known the answer would be vague.

"I don't think that's appropriate," you had to bite back your smile. You felt despicable even considering it, but you had to admit, it was the best you'd ever had, and the most exciting thing that's ever happened in your otherwise monotonous life.

"Don't you have other people you can have sex with?"

"Where's the fun in that? Plus, I don't think I've ever enjoyed it as much as I do with you, maybe it's the rivalry."

You could already feel the beating pulse between your legs. He'd exactly vocalised everything you'd been thinking since last night. Was it the rivalry that made it so good? Or was it Kai? Maybe that would be a thought for later.

Kai could sense the sexual tension over the phone, smiling smugly to himself as he propped his feet up on the desk in front of him. It was the easiest egg he'd ever cracked, and by far the most satisfying. Kai had pushed down the possibility that his eagerness to see you was because he was totally captivated by you, instead deciding it was due to his craving to be in control of every aspect of his life.

"What time?"

"That's my girl," Kai threw his head back in another laugh, "whatever time I want, you'll be there, see you then."

The line went dead, but you had to check your phone screen to make sure. You swallowed thickly, your face blushing bright red and a thin layer of sweat beginning to sheen your forehead. You took a few deep breaths, smoothing out the front of your outfit and fixing your hair before going back into your office to face the wrath of Jude, without looking like a pathetic school girl with a crush.

You'd spent the afternoon filing paperwork and getting ready for the moment Kai was going to show up at your front door. This was the first time you'd really planned to see each-other, and to say it felt weird would be an understatement. All day you'd been tossing up whether you should find a way to contact him and tell him to not bother showing up. The bigger, and much more lustrous, side of you couldn't wait for another round with your opponent.

It had just ticked passed 5 in the evening when there was a knock at your front door. You took a deep breath, combing your fingers through your hair as you tried to muster the courage to step forward. When you'd finally opened it, you were faced with a very smug-looking Kai, his hands in his pockets and his eyes raking down the front of your body.

"Why hello," Kai's eyes meet yours again, and he lets out a soft sigh. Seemed like your tongue was stuck in place, because you couldn't conjure the words to respond.

"Cat got your tongue?" Kai's smirk only grew as you silently took a step back, giving him space to enter your apartment. You were mentally slapping yourself for not being much better than a deer in headlights.

"Thanks, doll," is all Kai says before he's pushing passed you and sitting on your living room sofa.

Still staring off into the hallway, you close the door, and it snaps you out of your daydream. Embarrassed by your nervousness, you clear your throat and try to put on a brave act.

"Don't make a thing of it," you said quietly, stepping towards Kai and eventually joining him on the sofa. Kai shifts in his seat, now with his torso twisted in your direction, his almost black eyes piercing into yours. It made your spine tingle, and you weren't sure if it was in a good way.

"So, what's your night usually look like?" Kai asked nonchalantly, taking a quick look around the room as he awaited your response. You weren't going to let yourself act a fool again.

"If I'm not working on the campaign, then I'm in bed, watching TV, I dunno," you break eye contact by looking down at your lap.

"Are you gonna ask what I do?" Kai uses a condescending tone when he asks, but when isn't he.

"What do you do, Kai?" You ask, clearly not amused.

"I watch you through your bedroom window," his confession had you doing a double take.

"You're kidding right?" You couldn't read his poker face.

He doesn't reply at first, just staring at you expressionlessly. Then he had an idea, because he got up from the couch and sat in a chair tucked under your dining table. You look at him questioningly, before joining him on the other side of the table.

"This is a little test of trust I like to play," Kai begins,

"The rules are, once physical contact has been initiated you consent to answer all of my questions," he stares into your scared eyes, "agreed?"

You nodded wearingly, reaching forwards to wrap your pinkie around his, as silence consumed you both.

"I want the brutal, honest truth," he started, as he exhaled a heavy breath, "now tell me- what fills your heart with dread?"

You look at him, your eyes narrowing as his pinkie squeezed tighter, waiting for an answer.

"You winning the election," you finally said, his facial expression unwavering as he looked at you. He nodded, as if happy with your answer, before continuing. You weren't sure why you were playing this game with him, or why you felt so scared and vulnerable, but you didn't pull away when he asked the next question.

"What was your most humiliating experience, tell me," he asked, looking at you with eyes so dark you almost had the urge to run and hide.

"Probably when you played that fucking video of me in front of the rally," you answered, breaking eye contact and looking down at your joined fingers. Your blood began to boil just thinking about it, but it also made you want to break down and cry.

"Look at me!" Kai demanded. Your head shot up, looking at him again with obvious pain on your face.

"Most physical pain you've every experienced," he asked, his bottom lip now between his perfect rows of white teeth.

"Um, I don't know, maybe falling off my bike as a kid?" You couldn't help but stifle a laugh, it was an interesting question and it seemed that your anger had dissipated.

Kai looked at you with raised eyebrows, intrigued by the information you were giving him. It seemed he was genuinely listening.

"Okay, what's the most intense moment of pleasure you've ever had?" His eyes narrowed as he waited for an answer.

Your eyes widen at the question, so different to everything else he'd asked you. It caught you on the spot, because you were struggling to speak.

"Hm? Are you gonna answer me?" He asks again, his eyes still cold and his face still expressionless.

"When am I going to get to ask you a question?"

"When you answer mine," He says, his voice tone firm. When you turned back towards him, his eyes were filled with something you couldn't read.

"Um," you hesitated even though you knew exactly when it was, "probably when I was tied up."

Kai shifted in his seat, not taking his eyes off you or removing his pinkie from yours. He didn't seem smug like he usually was.

"Did your wrists bruise?"

"Yeah. A little." Kai let out a small sigh, and shifted in his seat again. You still couldn't read his face.

"Last person that you wanted to kill?" He changed the subject, the look in his eyes unchanging. You wondered if it had been weird bringing that up, and suddenly you felt embarrassed.

"I'd say you," you stated openly, shrugging your shoulders at the obvious question. You tried to play off the uneasiness you felt by answering so relaxed. 

"Okay and- what's the thing that scares you the most," he asked finally, making you stop and listen to just your breathing as silence filled the room once more.

"Um-" you started, hesitant to reply again. The question caught you off guard, your heart pounding in your chest as you stared into Kai's eyes. You didn't want to tell him it was also him, you didn't want him to know you were scared. It seemed like every question he asked ended up being centred around him, and it made you suddenly feel sick. Why were you giving him so much power?

"I think you should go," you tried to retract your pinky, done with his stupid little game and ready for him to leave. He drops his hand, your fingers no longer intertwined, and got up from his seat.

"I already know the answer, I just wanted to hear you say it," Kai says coolly, coming around to your side of the table and looming over you.

You gulp, looking up to meet his gaze as he stares down at you. He leans forward, resting one palm on the table and one of the back of your chair. The smell of cool mint on his breath makes your mind go blank.

"You think you know everything," you say just above a whisper, his lips now teasingly ghosting over yours. It would take only for you to lean forward to connect your lips.

"That's because I do," he answers, reaching forward to tuck his forefinger and thumb under your chin.

"Do you really watch me through my window?" You were still whispering, and tears began to fill your eyes in anticipation of his answer.

"Yes."

Kai finally closes the gap between you, his kiss soft and passionate. His smooth lips dance with yours as the first tear falls from your eye. All you could think about was how scared of him you really were, and how it took for this conversation for you to realise it.

Your fear only fuelled your need for him. Kai moved you onto the edge of the dining table, where he slotted between your open legs. You could feel the bulge of his hard cock from under his pants firm against you. It sent small shocks of pleasure through your abdomen, and all you could think about was how badly you needed him to fill you.

Kai tore off your shirt next, exposing your bare breasts to his hungry eyes. He leans down and unexpectedly takes one of your nipples in his mouth, expertly swirling his tongue around the stiff peak. He sucks on it softly, and elicits the first moan from your mouth.

"Kai-"

"I know you're scared of me, and I know you love it," Kai vocalises against your breast, before his fingers dive into the waistband of your sweatpants. He doesn't waste a moment before they're off, leaving you in nothing but your panties.

Exposed and bare in front of him, you watch in awe as he removes his own shirt and pants, leaving him in just his boxers. He leans down to his pant pocket, and to your surprise pulls out s switchblade. The gleam of the cold metal makes your blood run cold.

"Kai? What-" you move back on the table, ready to escape whatever he has planned for you. He only chuckles softly, gripping onto your ankle and pulling you back to him.

"I'm not gonna hurt you," he speaks with so much reassurance you almost believe him. You stay stuck in place as he moves the blade down the valley between your breasts, and onto your stomach. You hold your breath, scared any sudden movements might get you cut.

His gaze is trained on the worried look on your face as your eyes squeeze shut, trying to think of anything else but the knife now between your legs. He pulls the waistband of your panties and slices them off your body.

Your eyes open and Kai is looking smug again.

"What the fuck?" You ask, still in shock that he pulled out a knife. He doesn't reply, instead lifting your legs and hooking them around his waist.

"Fear turns you on," he says, his finger diving between your slick folds and sinking into you. You were soaked and your body was responding to every bit of pleasure Kai gave you. Maybe you were just as sick as he was.

"What- fuck!" He curls his fingers upwards and rests his thumb against your pulsing clit, and suddenly you can't speak to defend yourself. He inserts a second, and this time he moves them faster.

"It's so sick, but it's so fucking hot," Kai groans, knowing fully well that fear turns him on too, and not in the way it does to you. Being feared had Kai's cock twitch and his groin tighten, and he knew he was feared by you.

You listen to his soft panting as he pulls out his fingers, and is quick to replace them, bottoming out inside your clenching walls. You fit perfectly around him, and every time feels like the first time. He was infatuated, and it made him weak.

"You feel so good," Kai wasn't usually one to give compliments, so his praise had you so much more worked up. Your fingernails dug into the flesh of his bare shoulders, gaining yourself leverage for every ravaging thrust.

He'd sink all the way inside you just to pull out all the way, repeating the motion time and time again until you began to feel a fire build in your lower abdomen.

"Oh- fuck- Kai," you couldn't help but release the pleading moans that were bubbling at the back of your throat. Kai loved every sound you made, kissing the skin on your neck softly and gently, opposing the deep and hard thrusts he was rutting into you.

"That's it doll," Kai bit down on your neck, "I'm gonna cum."

His fingers come between you to slide over your clit, building friction on your sensitive bundle of nerves with the perfect amount of pressure. Your eyes closed tightly as you began to feel the pressure build inside you, your back arching off the table for his tip to meet with your g spot.

"Cum for me, I know you want to, right on my cock," Kai groans, his pace not faltering as you hit your climax, your thighs trembling around his waist as your jaw goes slack.

"Oh fuck," Kai finishes, sinking down as deep as he can inside you to fill you. You wriggle beneath him, watching as his own eyes shut and ogling the muscles as they flex and relax in his broad shoulders and chest. He was so... beautiful.

A blanket of silence covers the two of you as you dress yourselves, not making eye contact and feeling the weight of your sexual relationship.

"Are you staying?" You were surprised you'd let those words slip passed your lips.

Kai stares at you for a moment, thinking. He knew he wanted to despite how much he pretended to want you dead. But he couldn't let himself have down time with someone else, show them his vulnerable side, show them that he isn't always this big, power hungry, fear-mongering murderer all the time.

So he declined.

"I said for some fun sweetheart, not for pizza and a movie," his words stung you as he let out a dark chuckle and paced towards your front door. You knew it was just sex, sometimes you wondered what you really saw in him when he was an asshole all the time and was constantly trying to scare you.

"I'll see you at the interview tomorrow, I'm sure," he opened the door himself, and then slammed it behind him before you could respond. You felt empty suddenly, and your heart began to swell with a dull ache. You watched the door for a few moments, before you did what you thought was best and try and shake it off.

Without your knowledge, Kai was standing on the other side of your front door, just staring. Much like yours his heart began to ache in an unfamiliar way, and wincing he cowered forwards, clutching onto his chest. He'd never felt like that before, longing for company, worrying about how someone else felt. And he hated it.

He hated it so much that he vowed to himself that that was the last time he'd mess around with you, and from now on, you were nothing but his rival.

#evan peters #evan peters fanfic #evan peters fanfiction #evan peters requests #evan peters smut #evan peters imagine #evan peters x reader #american horror story #2nd person pov #fem!reader #kai anderson smut #kai anderson #kai anderson smut #kai anderson fanfiction #kai ahs #kai anderson x reader #kai x reader #kai anderson imagine #kai anderson fan fiction #kinky kai anderson

[alpaca-clouds]

(The concept of) Canon is like an Onion

It has layers.

Okay, I just gotta be the fandom elder here, because there is a thing that is kinda bugging me. And that is the tendency of especially younger fans of stuff to point at all sorts of suplementary material (artbooks, interviews with creators/actors, articles in magazines and what not) and go: "See, my interpretation of this and that is totally canon!"

And the thing is that... it is a bit more complicated than that. Because what is and isn't canon... Well, it is something people argue about a lot. But the general thing is, basically this. Canonicity can have multiple levels - and the top level of it is basically just the text itself.

Like, older fans of the Star Wars Fandom might still remember Lucas' five (or was it even six?) levels of canon. And those were just based on actual stories. It had become a necessity back then just based on the fact that a lot of the extended universe stuff was at times contradictory - even with the stuff that Lucas himself had done. So according to Lucas, the main canon was just the stuff he had been a part of creating. And then there were levels of things going from "most canon" to "least canon" basically.

But yeah, generally speaking: Canon is the information given within a story itself. You can argue about additional story material maybe being canon (like tie in novels to a movie, for example), but generally even those are not... necessarily canon to the main-thing itself.

I know that these days there is this big thing happening of creators just being very, very accessible to fans. So, the temptation is big to tweet or mail or comment on a twitch of your favorite media's creator/your favorite character's actor/whatever and be like: "I have this theory/analysis. Am I right?" Which is... fine. But you also have to keep in mind that stuff that people privately say is not necessarily authoritatively.

As some of the followers of this blog might know: My OG fandom is Digimon. And boy howdy, can I tell you stories about Digimon's "Word of God". Because... look people, if it is not a book, there is not a singular creator. And the people who were in charge of Digimon, had at times very, very differing ideas from each other.

With Digimon Adventure/02 I interviewed several of the writers. And guess what: I at times got opposing opinions from them. And those opinions were also differing from what the producer and the director said in official interviews and sublementary materials (like artbooks or the novelization).

Two examples are Sora's age and Hikari's crest. Sora is shown to have her birthday in movie 2, which is set in March. Given how Japanese school law works, this would make her 10 during the events of Digimon Adventure and 13 during DIgimon Adventure 02 (because the cut-off date is April 1st). According to Reiko Yoshida, who wrote that movie, this is true. According to the producer, however, no actually the movie is set in April, she is 11 during the events of the first season. And the other fun one: What does Hikari's crest of "light" actually mean. We asked five different people involved and got five different answers.

And the big thing is, that you cannot assume that someone, who is engaging with media, does also engage with ALL THE INTERVIEWS and FOLLOW EVERYONE INVOLVED ON SOCIAL MEDIA. Because most people don't.

I see this happening a lot especially in regards to people interpreting the canonicity of ships - and character sexuality.

Let me use an example where I totally agree with the person in question: Isaac from Castlevania. According to his voice actor Isaac is queer. I totally absolutely read the character this way, no question. But... technically it is never confirmed in the text. So if you come away from it not reading him this way, yeah, that is totally understandable. You do not need to know everything every voice actor said.

And if stuff within the actually story itself is kept vague, you cannot just go and say: "Person XY who also was involved in creating media X said this, so this is the only correct opinion." Because if the text does not confirm it, it is not necessarily "canon" and either interpretation is valid.

And if there is multiple entries as source material, also try to think of what people will usually think of, when you say "Fandom X".

Like, to get back at my own fandoms: Yeah, no, most people will not know about the novelization of Digimon Adventure. Most people will also not have played the Wonderswan games (that also at times outright contradict the primary text in form of the anime). Or with Pirates of the Caribbean: Most fans have never read any of the tie-in novels. Heck, most people do not even know they exist. Meanwhile, also a ton of people do not consider movies 4 and 5 canonical to the Gore Verbinski trilogy, given that again those movies outright contradict some of the stuff stated in the trilogy.

What I am trying to say: Canonicity is, if anything, a spectrum, not a binary. So for the love of all the gods, please stop the entire: "Well, the guy who did the storyboards for three of the scenes in this show agrees with me, so I am right," stuff. I know it is tempting (believe me, I KNOW). But... If it is not in the text, other interpretations are valid.

Also, headcanons are always valid. Always.

#canon #canonicity #fandom #fandom culture #digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure 02 #castlevania #castlevania netflix #pirates of the caribbean #star wars

[holyshit]

.

#'what worries me' anon from a bit earlier: #answering in the tags because it seems the discourse has moved on since i got your message and went on my work break #and don't want to drop random discourse on people freaking out about the louis songs lol hope you understand ily!!! #but i think in this case it is not as big of a deal bc people like lil nas x are nominated as well #so he isn't being prioritized instead of poc artists doing similar things #and they seem to be deliberately nominating both out artists and allies/people who have been more vague and haven't done an official #coming out like matty healy and lizzo #so i don't think he is particularly being spotlighted moreso than everyone else if you know what i mean #and despite the stunts #anyone who actually does pay attention to celebrity gossip should know how harry has been hinting at being not straight for YEEAARS now #since 2014 when his 'not that important' quote got tons of headlines #and then again with Medicine #and some of his comments about his sexuality in interviews (even if they were vague) still reads as something someone who isn't straight #would say #and these are all things that a lot of people should have seen if they pay attention to celebrity gossip even if they are not fans #so i think it's fair for him to be treated as someone who is likely not straight but just hasn't officially come out yet #and for MP #remember that emma ended up coming out recently so there is an out woman in the film now! #which is great #as for david #he could easily not be straight as well and just not out of the closet bc he hasn't had any public relationships as of yet #so i don't think we should treat him as straight when there is no indication of his sexuality one way or another #and i think actors in the closet should still be allowed to take on roles they can relate to and that are important to the #*them #and they shouldn't be forced to come out in order to take these kinds of roles #it's a nuanced topic so there are levels to it #but i don't think anyone should be forced to put their personal and professional lives on the line by coming out to be 'allowed' to #play gay roles #discourse / #hs

[interact-if]

Day 2 of Pride Month interviews! You know them, you love them…. give it up for Ames!

Ames, author of Attollo and Metamorphosis

Pride Month Featured Authors

“…and it was a singular, terrible thought, which burrowed itself into your mind like an engorged maggot. This was not a man nor a monster. This was a concept, an ideology, a terrible myth, which had personified itself to stand before you now.You were, to put it simply, screwed.”

After several years of radio silence, you receive a message from your younger sibling that carries a strange sense of urgency to it. Either out of familial concern or boredom, you embark on a journey from your residence to your sibling’s apartment in New Hampshire to see what’s going on and, hopefully, be home before the weekend.

Too bad it’s never so simple.

Demo: Attollo, Metamorphosis (TBA)

Tags: cybernoir, thriller

(INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT!)

Q1: Tell us a little bit about your project(s)!

Attollo is a cyber-noir horror set in a walled city off the coast of the Atlantic that’s been a victim of a nuclear disaster. After several years of radio silence, you receive a message from your younger sibling that carries a strange sense of urgency to it. Either out of familial concern or boredom, you embark on a journey from your residence to your sibling’s apartment in New Hampshire to see what’s going on and, hopefully, be home before the weekend. Too bad it’s never so simple. Attollo is a 17+ game that deals with heavy topics and a lot of moral questioning; from cults to corrupt government, it has no shortage of monsters in the dark—both metaphorical and literal.

Metamorphosis is a crime/horror story based in the world of crime scene cleanup, where there are three simple steps: Get the call, clean the scene, and don’t ask too many questions. These are the rules that you live by under the employment of Noctua’s Crime Scene Services, and you credit them for keeping you alive.

However, after a routine house call brings forth nightmares of memories that are not your own, you find yourself pulled deeper into Noctua—a city of both monster and man—in a bid to find out the truth behind the murder of Deirdre Callow, and better yet, how her memories came to be yours. Your job mandates that you don’t dig too deep—but could this finally be the exception?

Metamorphosis is 18+ and will have explicit content; follow the last moments of a stranger to find out not only who took her life, but how this connects to the underbelly that Noctua works so hard to hide.

Q2: Why interactive fiction? What drew you to the medium?

Lmaoo, oh man. I think it really all began last summer when I first found examples of interactive fiction. I don’t even remember how I came across it, it might’ve been that I saw it mentioned in a post or I saw it as a tag on Itch.io, but at some point, last summer I began to investigate it more. I think what really drew me in was the ability for the player to control the narrative; it was like playing an old RPG, but modernized, and the fact that I could see a story unfold that was influenced by my decisions was so fascinating to me. Not to mention that IF allows so much more character depth than regular novels, in my opinion.

I’m 99% sure my first exposure to interactive fiction was through the game Crème de la Crème (a fantastic game, by the way) and I just enjoyed it so much that I went haywire for the genre. Then Temple of the Endless Night came out (another fantastic game that I’m looking forward to!), and that was really the turning point for inspiring me to give it a go. Now, almost a year later, here I am working on my own two games!

Q3: Are your characters influenced by your identity? How?

My bisexuality doesn’t have much of a major influence on the game, but I do think it contributed to the way that I view and write relationships. I figured out my sexuality around high school (I kissed a girl in high school and found out I liked it just as much as when I kissed a boy) and since then I’ve been very involved in the LGBTQ+ community of both my hometown and uni town.

I think this involvement, like being able to hear about other people’s experiences and share my own, has made me feel a lot more comfortable writing some of the characters in the game. Although Attollo and Metamorphosis both don’t focus heavily on relationships (both have murder in them, which I feel is a bit more pressing), I do keep the option for any RO’s to be romanced by anyone, regardless of gender or preference, because that’s simply what I’ve become so attuned to. In terms of side characters relationships as well, I think my involvement and my own experiences have allowed me to write far more diverse relationships than I might have, and I think that this has also allowed a more fulfilling experience for players when reading through.

I also have incorporated some struggles that I’ve faced before because of my identity into the games. For example, I and a few others have faced issues with religion due to who we are, and I incorporate this into both games. Dreamwalker, Pariah, and Sysba from Attollo all have shadows of this experience in their character origins, and Ilali and Ariston from Metamorphosis has a major point involving identity and beliefs. Both games also have undertows of ostracization and division between groups, which is also something I’ve experienced in the past. Being able to grapple these moments and control them via a narrative has been eye opening for both myself and others involved, and I’m hoping it can be a learning experience for the readers as well.

Q4: What would you like to see more of in LGBT+ fiction?

I think, now, the amount of progress in LGBTQ+ fiction is expanding at a wonderful rate. There are so many interactive fictions with options to select sexuality, select gender, select beliefs, etc. However, despite this expansion, there’s still a good deal of backlash against some aspects of LGBTQ+ fiction.

For example, as a bisexual woman who has dated men, I know there are some individuals who may not consider me a part of the LGBTQ+ because of this aspect. Not only is this incredibly disheartening, but it’s a viewpoint that I think should be educated against, and fiction is a fantastic pathway to do this. Another example I can think of is a friend of mine who identifies as asexual but is sex-neutral rather than sex-repulsed. Most people can’t believe her when she says this, and she often faces backlash for this declaration as well. This is another thing that I think that, with exposure through a medium such as fiction, can be worked on.

What I’m trying to say here is that I think LGBTQ+ fiction can be a brilliantly educational platform—if used right. Although it already teaches so much with what it has, I think having that representation of different subgroups of sexuality, of their experiences and beliefs, so people can become aware and knowledgeable of these options, is something I’d like to see more of.

Q5: What or who are some of your biggest inspirations?

Oh man, I struggled to list off inspirations because I know I have some, but as soon as someone asks me who they are my brain just goes ‘brrrrrr’ LMAO.

In terms of the games that I write and the worlds that I build, I think David Lynch and Robert Chambers are probably the two that I somehow incorporate. Attollo and Metamorphosis both have a lot of surrealist horror, which are what these two really specialized in. Shirley Jackson is also another person who inspired me a lot when it came to the writing and creation of Attollo, especially the intrapersonal relationships between the characters.

In terms of life, this is something else I really struggle to answer. I don’t really have celebrity inspirations or anything like that, but I do get inspired by my close friends and sister a lot. Seeing them go through the struggles that they face and absolutely thrive really drives me to push through my own struggles. They’re the strongest, most brilliant group of people that I know, and I consider myself incredibly fortunate that I can be a part of their lives. Not only that, but we also all collectively encourage each other to push further and to chase our dreams (as cheesy as that is LMAO) and that’s something that I think is another stroke of good fortune. I struck gold when I met them, and they’re some of the biggest inspirations in my life.

Q6: What’s a super vague spoiler for your current project?

For Attollo, I’d say ‘Home is where the heart is.’ For Metamorphosis, to quote John Berendt, ‘Always stick around for one more drink.’

Q7: Lastly, what advice would you give to your readers?

What advice would I give to you all? Oh my, I’m not exactly a wise woman here, but I’ll do my best to give you something lmaooo. I think what I really want you to walk away with, from both my stories and this interview, is that if you’re passionate about something, then share it with the world. Don’t let anyone deter your passion.

I remember listening to this painter once who commented to his friend how he ‘really liked painting’, and his friend’s first response was ‘but are you good at it?’. He then compared this to the scenario of walking; would you say, ‘but are you good at it?’ to someone who said, ‘I really like walking’? No, because it simply wouldn’t make sense, and it doesn’t make sense to say that to anyone who’s doing something out of passion.

To put it simply—if you love something, then don’t let anyone take that passion from you. I began writing these stories because I’m passionate about Attollo and Metamorphosis; I love each character, each bit of lore, and I share it with you because I want you all to enjoy it as well. Am I the best writer? God, no. Does everyone like what I write? Definitely not. But will I let this stop me from writing, from enjoying what I’m doing? Never, and I want you to do the same.

Explore your passions, embrace your passions, and let what makes you happy continue to do so

#if: events #Pride Month 2021 #pride month #queer authors #queer fiction #queer creators #interactive fiction

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

Something I find interesting about Lennon's attitude toward his sexuality is that it's so similar to many other rock stars of his generation. You have David Bowie who proudly comes out of the closet as bi, goes immediately back in during the 80s, and never really manages to come back out, and you have Pete Townshend who still flip flops on his attraction to men. Even Elton John went back in the closet at one point.

Glad you brought this up anon, cause it was something I was chatting to @odearjohn about a few weeks back.* I feel like something that gets somewhat undervalued by the fandom, is that John seemed to have had a more convoluted relationship with his sexuality then we give him credit for at times. In my mind, I was actually comparing him to people like David Bowie, and thinking about how he was able to outrightly "come out of the closet" (even if he did go back in later), whereas John was never really able to. I think he probably would've had he not died - or if an interviewer were to have followed up certain comments and/or questioned his sexuality with some seriousness, its plausible that John also might have *genuinely* come out. But with the way that John often spoke about bisexuality, I think its actually quite well-evidenced that there was some sort of hesitance there. Was it shame? confusion? denial? I dont know. But id imagine it was a combination of all of them.

(*in dm's tho so I dont have any post to link you guys to; also, wouldn't wanna put words into their mouth, so im not saying they agree with Every Single Thing im saying here necessarily, just that, like, we did talk about this and I wanted to give them credit for any of their insights ok)

Ill preface this btw by saying that I do believe John was bi, but this is really just about exploring johns own relationship with his sexuality because I promise I haven't become a jean jacket over the past 24 hrs

I just think that, at times John gets portrayed as though he was proudly and confidently bisexual, when it just seems evident that that wasn't totally the case. John for the most part only spoke vaguely about his sexuality, typically through quick quips (which could be interpreted as a joke and nothing more) or when he did speak with more sincerity, theres still a lot of confusion surrounding What The Fuck He Actually Meant - for example, "...it was almost a love affair, but not quite. It was never consummated. But it was a pretty intense relationship." (x). Imo this quote actually further validates Pete Shotton's anecdote - but at the same time, I can see why the jean jackets would interpret this as being a denial of anything happening between John and Brian (note that I dont agree with them there, I just understand the argument). Its this whole "teetering on coming-out but never quite saying it" which makes me think John probably did struggle with accepting his sexuality - not even just out of shame (though I do think that that was a component) but I assume also out of an actual confusion surrounding who he was attracted to, and how much.

How it appears to me is as though there were times throughout Johns life where he was pretty confident in being bisexual, and prepared to come out even (*ahem* the lost weekend period). And then there were times where he was more ashamed and/or outright denying it (from himself even!) (I think this was especially true for John during the early 70s); and then there were times where he was just plain confused, and didn't even understand it himself: like perhaps at times he saw his bisexuality as a purely emotive thing that would never be sexually fulfilled? And then perhaps at other times he saw it at times as something that he could only experiment with "for fun", and which could never been emotionally fulfilled (but then he probably thought to himself "oh yeah but what about that Paul guy id totally marry him")

I think he just swung between all these different eras with his sexuality, and this general confusion (mixed with some shame for some extra spice) largely factored into why he never did just say to the public "yeah, I like guys AND girls :)". Like I think he often just didn't even know for himself if he was bi - which imo largely explains the: "I don’t mind if there’s an incredibly attractive guy. It’s very difficult: they would have to be not just physically attractive, but mentally very advanced too." comment.

Reiterating what I said before, I think there were times he was confident enough in his sexuality to make jokes and perhaps even confident enough to come out to the people around him (such as John Reid, Bowie, Yoko etc. although how reliable some of these claims are is very much in question) - but overall, I just feel like we occasionally neglect Johns inner conflict concerning his sexuality.*

(*although, I do recognise as well that theres a lot of queer people who might see themselves in John, and so I imagine that for for some people its comforting to see this guy - who they might idolise in some shape or form - as relatable, or an inspiring queer historical figure, or something to the effect of that; and so I by all means dont want to gatekeep and rain on anyones parade here. I dont really have an issue with this portrayal of John (as "the confident bisexual") but its mostly just that im fascinated by that inner conflict John had with his sexuality).

#literally gonna get a comment #saying #actually the fandom never does THAT and we always talk about THIS #which might be true #but tbh when I say I just mean I haven't seen as much discussion around that topic as I would've liked too #but yknow #im new-ish #so theres only so much ive seen #so its by all means possible that ive just missed an important in depth disussion #anyway #glad I got this ask so I can finally give some thoughts on johns sexuality #I get a million asks about Pauls sexuality but not that many on johns #and johns sexuality I just find to be so much more interesting to be totally honest #but yeah #I have more thoughts on this but HEAD EMPTY SO JUST GONNA POST ok #:) #asks #anon #johns sexuality #john lennon #beatles #opinion #sexuality

[goldentournesol]

The Receptionist and The Profiler (Three)

Chapter Three: Minimal Loss

(Spencer Reid x f!Reader)

Series Masterlist

General Masterlist

A/N: as a heads up, a large part of this chapter is a flashback, separated by ~~~. angst of minimal loss, buckle up y’all it’s getting serious!

Some cases don’t require the whole team to go investigate. Sometimes a few members go out to consult on something and come right back. Apparently, a 911 call had been received from a 15 year old girl saying that a man was sexually assaulting her and other girls her age. The call came from inside a cult’s base and now Spencer and Emily were sent to the ranch to investigate the leader, Benjamin Cyrus. Y/N selfishly wanted to tell Hotch to send someone else in place of him, but she knew Spencer was the least intimidating of the bunch and so it made sense for him to go undercover as a child victim interview expert alongside Emily.

Y/N watched as JJ zoomed straight past her desk and stood behind Derek’s desk, “Morgan.” she said, flicking the volume button of the TV across the room, panic fighting its way through her voice.

Morgan and Y/N’s attention went straight to the news reporter on the TV, “--what is reportedly being called a routine questions and answers meeting by Colorado child services has turned into a violent and deadly standoff between Colorado authorities and a French religious group known as Separtatian sect. The raid--”

“JJ, that’s not the ranch Prentiss and Reid--” Morgan said, standing from his desk.

“They’re still inside.” JJ informed.

“HOTCH!” Morgan yelled across from the bullpen, sending panic and goosebumps to every nerve ending in Y/N’s body. All she could think was, not again, please, God, not again.

Suddenly, all the phones of the bullpen began ringing. Y/N was absolutely frozen in her seat, not even aware of the phone on her desk ringing its wire off. It was like the air was heavy and she couldn’t breathe. She was vaguely aware of JJ’s outline as she approached her and placed her hands on her shoulders.

“Y/N. Y/N!” JJ called out as if she’d been calling her name for hours already, for all she knew, she had. Y/N unexpectedly felt a salty bead of water enter her mouth through her lips, she was crying.

“JJ...not again, JJ.” She practically whimpered, shaking her head in disbelief. The blonde’s heart wrenched in her chest as she thought back to the events of Georgia.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. We’re on our way to him right now. We’re going to do our best to get them out. I need you to stay strong for me now, alright? The phone’s going to be ringing a lot, we need you here.” JJ attempted to comfort her and Y/N was quick to compose herself, nodding.

“Yes, yes, I know. I’ve got it.” She sniffled, rubbing her cheeks. JJ pulled her into a quick tight hug, well, as tight as she could with her growing belly between them. Y/N squeezed her tight, “You get him back to me safely, JJ.” She whispered and the blonde nodded before taking off with the rest of the team.

“Is she okay?” Morgan muttered to JJ as they speed walked out of the building, secretly wondering if that’s how friends should react to hostage situations.

“I’m not sure.” JJ answered honestly and the two shared a pointed look. 

It was no secret that there was something going on between Y/N and Reid, they knew they held intense feelings for each other, however the team decided to stay out of it...for the most part. Derek, on the other hand, was very good at not missing opportunities to mess with Reid and tease the hell out of him.

It took Spencer a while to get back on his feet, especially after Gideon had departed, but Y/N helped him every step of the way. She drove him to NA meetings whenever she could. She helped him take his mind of things when he was having cravings. She finally, finally agreed to learn how to play chess, even though she was positive she was destined to lose. She’ll never forget how excited he got when she’d offered.

~~~

“Wait--what?” Spencer stopped mid-sip from his morning coffee. The team hadn’t filed in yet, but he was hanging around her desk like he usually did when she told him.

“Yup, you heard me. I’ll let you finally teach me how to play.” Her eyes twinkled with playfulness and he could have sworn his heart swelled twice its size. He was aware that he was gaping at her, but for some reason he couldn’t stop. The thought of sitting across from her so closely and for so long as he tried to teach her the moves was enough to make him forget his words.

“Hello? Earth to Spencer?” She laughed, waving a hand in front of his face. He snapped out of it, blushing.

“Yes! Yes, I’ll teach you! We’re going to have so much fun!” He exclaimed, his face practically splitting in half from his grin. She was about to make a comment about how it wouldn’t be so fun to lose to him (the whole point of not wanting to learn it in the first place), but she decided the genuine excitement on his face was worth more than winning ever would be. 

~~~

She also remembered him practically fangirling to her over David Rossi’s books. He was so excited when the other founder of the BAU joined the team in place of Gideon. Of course, Spencer had read all his books and was more than ready to recite them to her if she wanted him to but she preferred to keep the crime and the gore at a minimum, preferring to hear about Victorian love stories and obscure children’s stories that are told in African villages she’d never heard of before. Rossi was a fairly nice man, much warmer than Gideon but was still somewhat cagey upon joining the team. She didn’t really blame him, he’d left the job only to come back to it years later and find a bunch of younger hotshot agents in the unit he created. At least Rossi took the time to learn her name and smile at her in the mornings. 

Sometimes he’d sit and watch the two interact from his office. He’d assumed they were together when he’d first joined the team, almost a year ago now. Seeing how they leaned into each other when they spoke and maintained such intense eye contact, it just made sense to him. That and the fact that he’d noticed the way Reid was so much more comfortable around her than he was with his team mates. He’d note the not-so-subtle lingering hand touches on arms and the way they chose not to move their knees away from each other if they bumped. But, most of all, what he thought was a dead giveaway, was the way they smiled at each other; they smiled with their whole faces. Spencer’s mood seemed to brighten around her and even though he hadn’t known the young genius for long, he knew that that was a good sign. If he hadn’t seen Y/N and Anderson getting in the same car together, he’d never have guessed that they were together, much less engaged. You don’t need to be a profiler to know what the longing glances across the bullpen meant, though. Or the sad eyes she gave him every time he left for a case. Or the hug she gave that was obviously tighter than anyone else’s when they came back.

Hopefully, he’ll come back this time.

Y/N was practically a mess at her desk after they all left. She was glad that Anderson was currently not around, then she remembered she should be wanting his presence. That is...assuming he brought her comfort. He didn’t. She took calls to try and distract herself from her panic but she found herself freaking out in between them. Her eyes traveled to the far corner of her desk where the book she was currently reading sat. She smiled as she saw the tassel fall from in between the pages of the book. The book felt heavy as she opened it, she slipped the bookmark from in between the pages, and pushed the book aside. The raised letters of her favorite poem felt familiar as her fingertips touched them. She touched the words as if they could seep into her bloodstream and finally calm her. She remembered the day he gave her the bookmark.

~~~

After years and years of participating in the office Secret Santa, Spencer finally got Y/N. He was overjoyed, in fact, he couldn’t wait to give her her gift. He had it meticulously planned out. He was ready. He poured out his heart and soul in a letter first (this took the longest). Turns out, confessing your undying love for someone wasn’t as easy as it looked on screen. With all the letters he’d written in his lifetime, he was positive this one would be no different. But, man, he couldn’t have been more wrong.

 Then, he made the bookmark. Store bought would never impress her. He struggled with finding the right kind of paper and the right kind of string for the tassel, but thankfully Garcia had his back. She even helped him laminate it so it could last, for years and years. The way he wanted to last with her. He printed the words of her favorite poem. One that he’d never forget, and not even because of his eidetic memory. He chose a shiny gold string to represent the strings of fate. He had told her once the ancient Greek myth of the Moirai, the three women responsible for fate. Although he’d gone in way too great of detail, she hung onto every word. He knew she’d remember the story whenever she saw the gold string. He hoped she might pick up on what he was trying to say.

That fate would always bring them together. 

That he knew that she was it for him, but if he wasn’t it for her, that’d be okay, too.

She’d also complained all too often about the nasty coffee at work, claiming that she wished she never tasted the “vile bean juice”. It was enough to shift her off of coffee completely, unless it was from the coffee shop on the corner of Spencer’s street (he took her there a lot and he liked to bring her her favorite drink in the mornings when he wasn’t rushing in). But she’d recently gotten into teas, and was annoyed at her teapot at home because she said it just tasted weird. So of course, he researched the best kind of teapot possible and hunted every single kitchenware store in DC down until he found it. She’s gonna love it.

To top it all off, he decided to get her a necklace. While looking for the teapot, a small silver necklace caught his eye in one of the shops. A small birthstone hung by two chains, he recognized it as her own, and it was perfect. 

He placed the gifts and the letter inside the teapot carefully and placed two pieces of tape to ensure the top doesn’t come off in the box before making his way to Garcia’s apartment. It was really no surprise she decided to host the Christmas party, considering her love of all things Christmas. He was buzzing with nervous energy as he set the gift box under the tree. He was the first to arrive, which meant he had to endure Garcia’s endless questions about the finished gift. She pried it all out of him, even the letter. Garcia was practically jumping up and down as he told her about the contents of the letter. He didn’t know he and Y/N were such a hot topic around the office. A few minutes later, the team flowed in, one by one. Y/N and Anderson were the last to arrive.

But something felt different as they entered the apartment. Her smile was brighter than usual and she seemed extra comfortable around her fiance. He thought maybe he was reading into it too much, but then even Emily noticed.

“Woah, Y/N! You look literally radiant, what’s going on?” She asked as the couple struggled to find places to sit. Anderson found a seat on the couch and offered her his lap. Spencer watched as she blushed and pursed her lips shyly, leaning into her fiancé as he wrapped his arms around her waist. Spencer practically had a nervous ugly green creature growing inside of him. He’s decided to name him Carl. Might as well name him, you know, since he seemed to be around a lot lately. He shifted in his seat a little, which made Morgan glance over at him.

“Well, we were going to wait until later to tell everyone, but I guess that’s the downside to being friends with profilers.” She laughed and shared a look with Anderson, whose hand was grasped tightly in hers. 

Spencer noticed her change in vocabulary, she said ‘we’ instead of ‘I’. He grew more and more nervous as the pause lengthened. He had to physically put his hands on his knees to keep them from bouncing.

“We finally set the date! Next August!” She exclaimed and Spencer’s heart absolutely combusted in the same exact moment. 

He immediately drowned out the cheers of congratulations and kisses on cheeks. The sinking feeling in his chest seemed to strive for more. More destruction. 

He was vaguely aware of Morgan grabbing his shoulder and giving him a pointed look, reminding him of his silence. Morgan felt bad for the kid, but didn’t want to embarrass Y/N. Spencer snapped out of his trance and swallowed heavily.

“Congratulations, guys.” He mustered a smile and she beamed at him.

“Thanks, Spence!” He barely registered it.

It was finally happening. 

The wedding. 

And he’d have to go.

And see her.

And smile at her like his heart hadn’t been ripped from his chest and placed at the altar for everyone to see as it beat for absolutely no reason.

Seriously, what was the point of his heart beating if it wasn’t beating for her?

Except, he knew it’ll always beat for her, even if she didn’t want it.

He’d have to watch her marry another man.

Watch as she walked away from him rather than toward him.

Everyone pretended not to look at Spencer but he could feel the glances anyway.

Oh no.

The letter.

The letter that was in the teapot under the tree! 

Spencer didn’t know his heart was capable of beating as fast as it was. He sent a panicked look to Penelope, hoping she’d get the message, but she was too busy coming up with wedding ideas. Spencer could feel panic oozing out of the pores of his skin. Morgan took him aside and into the kitchen.

“Kid, you alright?” Morgan asked, watching as his younger teammate squirmed in the kitchen.

“This is bad, Morgan. This is bad.” Spencer paced around the kitchen, hands in his hair.

“I know, kid, I know. But you need to calm down.” Morgan tried to reason with him.

“No, Morgan! You don’t understand!” Spencer whisper-yelled as he gripped his shoulders and Morgan saw his wild eyes, “You don’t understand! The letter!”

Morgan steadied Spencer, “Reid, breathe. What letter?”

“I’m her secret Santa. I wrote her a letter, Morgan. I wrote her a letter, a letter which contains very sensitive information that she cannot read right now--o-or ever!” Spencer’s hands flew to his hair again and Morgan had to think quickly.

“Okay, okay. I’ll help you, we need to think of a way to get the letter out of the box.”

“Morgan, it’s inside the teapot-- which is taped shut by the way-- inside the box, under the tree!” He flailed around nervously.

“Damn, man. Okay, just follow my lead. When she opens her gift, I’ll distract her and Anderson and you have to get that letter out.”

Spencer nodded and when they joined the rest of them outside, people were already opening their gifts, one by one. Spencer waited anxiously as she began to unwrap her gift.

“Oooh, I’m excited!” She said, carefully unwrapping the wrapping paper and opening the box, still seated on Anderson’s lap. She gasped, “It’s a teapot!” 

Spencer grimaced as he watched Morgan fake a trip and spill his drink all over Anderson’s shirt, getting some on Y/N’s back.

“Shit, man! I’m so sorry!” Morgan glanced at Spencer and Spencer jumped into action as the couple were distracted by the spilled drink. He quickly unstuck the tape on the teapot and lifted the lid enough to squeeze his hand through to remove the letter. He stashed it away in the pocket of his cardigan. In fact, he planned on burning it when he got home. He successfully restored the gift to how it was before they returned from the bathroom.

“No one says a word.” Reid warned the rest of the group, who were watching the whole debacle like it was a spectacle. They all undoubtedly figured out what was written in that letter, therefore they understood and nodded.

“Not a peep.” Garcia said, locking her lips with an imaginary key.

“Anyway! Now that that’s all sorted out. Back to the teapot.” Y/N came back to her gift and her seating arrangement.

“Um, you should...you should look inside. There’s um, bonus gifts.” Spencer was absolutely beet-red in the face. 

But Y/N knew the gift was from Spencer the second she saw the wrapping paper, which was full of adorable snowmen dressed in Christmas clothing. She grinned, remembering the argument between them which started by her telling him how cute she thought snowmen wearing clothes was and him getting frustrated trying to explain to her how snowmen wouldn’t need protection from the cold. She opened up the teapot and pulled out the bookmark. Spencer watched her eyes soften as they roamed over the words of her favorite poem. She toyed with the gold string of the bookmark as she reached into the pot again and pulled out the small pouch that contained the necklace. She pulled it out and gasped.

“Oh, Spencer, it’s all so perfect. Thank you.” She moved the gifts aside and wrapped him in a hug. Spencer stopped listening to the persistent ache in his chest as he hugged her back. He let all his senses be consumed by her, just temporarily. He found peace in that moment and he tried his hardest to hold onto that peace as he watched her fiancé clip the necklace onto her neck. 

Oh, what he’d give to be in Anderson’s place.

~~~

She smiled at the memory the bookmark brought. She found her fingers weaving themselves through the gold strings gingerly. That seemed to calm her nerves enough for now. Garcia had convinced her to go home finally after promising to call her and let her know if anything changed.

2 days.

It was 2 days before she heard any news. She had been cooped up with Garcia in her batcave for emotional support. Also she wanted to know about any advancements as soon as possible. Garcia and Y/N were currently watching a live feed from some news channel.

“Damn, how did he know there were FBI agents in there? Word travels--” Garcia began but the explosion on screen cut her off. Y/N stood up from her seat abruptly.

“What was that?! Garcia, was that the ranch?!” Y/N all but screamed with panic, “Penelope! Answer me!” Garcia’s stunned face was paired with teary eyes as she turned to look at Y/N. Garcia frantically called Hotch and Rossi, but no one answered.

“No, no, no. NO! This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening, Penelope. Are we sure Spencer and Emily were still inside?” Y/N’s voice wavered as she held her hands to her chest in disbelief. Garcia shrugged honestly and wordlessly.

“NO!” She began sobbing uncontrollably, falling to her knees, mumbling nearly incoherently, “I never got to tell him...I never got to tell him.” 

Garcia fell to the floor, holding the sobbing woman as best as she could without falling apart herself. Y/N gripped her tight as she felt the walls closing in on her. Her chest felt tight and she suddenly felt as if the air was ripped from her lungs. She could hear strangled sobs, but wasn’t even registering that they were her own.

It was too late.

She’d never see his smiling hazel eyes again. She’d never hear his hearty laugh once more. She never told him. She never told him how deeply her love for him ran. What was she waiting for? She’d waited too long. How utterly stupid of her. And now there’s no chance. He’s gone...he’s pulverized into bits and pieces--

The phone rang and Garcia leapt to it ungracefully, “Sir?! Reid and Prentiss--”

“They’re okay, Garcia. They made it out in time. With Morgan.” Hotch said sternly.

“Morgan was in there?!” Garcia screamed into the phone.

“Yeah, but I’m alright, babygirl, don’t you worry ‘bout me.” Morgan’s silky voice was heard from farther away. Garcia was about to reply when Y/N snatched the phone from her.

“Spencer?! Spence, are you there? Are you okay?!” She half-sobbed into the phone, not wanting her voice to give her away completely.

“Yes, yeah, I’m here. I’m alive.” Spencer choked out, relief flooding her system as she heard his voice. He was very much still alive and breathing, albeit with difficulty. Y/N didn’t register the rest of the conversation between Hotch and Garcia. She lay back in her seat and buried her face in her hands, trying to control her breathing. Garcia hung up and rested a kind hand onto her shoulder.

“Whew, that was a close one.” She said with a small smile. Y/N took her hands off her face and met with her warm eyes, “You know you’ll have to tell him eventually.” Y/N froze in her place again. She suddenly avoided her friend’s gaze. She was really hoping she hadn’t caught onto that. “It’s okay, pumpkin, we can all see it.”

She was right, oh my God, she was right.

“No, I don’t--I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re wrong, whatever you think you know, you’re wrong.” Y/N felt bad saying those words but there was nothing else she could do to protect herself. Garcia stayed silent, but gave her a look that shook Y/N at her very core.

Later, on the jet, Morgan took a seat next to Reid and stared at him intently before speaking.

“So, a little birdie tells me your girl was pretty heartbroken…” He trailed off, but not without an obvious wiggle of his dark brows.

“Morgan, for the last time, she is not ‘my girl’, she is engaged. She is very much someone else’s girl.” Reid rolled his eyes, attention going back to his book, although he tried to ignore the way his heart fluttered at the thought. He didn’t know if his heart was fluttering because of what Morgan called her, or because she was so torn up about the thought of him dying. He knew he shouldn’t ever feel good about someone else’s pain, but what did her pain mean?

“So what? Engaged ain’t married, pretty boy.” Morgan shrugged, saying it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Spencer shook his head at his friend.

Back in the bullpen, Y/N waited for their arrival ever so anxiously by the glass doors across from the elevator. She was rolling onto the balls of her feet and bouncing with anticipation. It didn’t even matter that it was half past 3 in the morning. She had to see him. 

The ding of the elevator was the most comforting noise she’d heard in about a week. There he was, way in the back of the elevator, lifting his gaze from the floor to meet with hers. They both broke into the largest grins they’ve ever seen. She practically pushed Morgan out of her speedy way as he stepped off the elevator and slammed into Spencer with enough force to knock the air out of the both of their chests. Spencer caught her gladly and spun her around, laughing.

“I thought I lost you.” Y/N whispered into the embrace.

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” Spencer replied softly into her hair.

The team all watched the reunion, adoration clear on their faces.

Emily was caught mumbling, “Damn, I wish I had someone to greet me like that after almost dying.” This, of course, resulted in a full blown bear hug from Garcia.

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[myassgoodbye]

I wanted to put my thoughts out there about Brian’s recent comments on the Brit Awards getting rid of the Male & Female categories. 

It’s important to go over exactly what he said, which I found in as complete a form as is easily accessible at ultimateclassicrock.com: 

“I’m sure… we would be forced to have people of different colours and different sexes and a trans [person] – but life doesn't have to be like that. We can be separate and different. Our generation made a lot of mistake, but not everybody in our generation was wrong and not everybody in this generation is right. A lot of people from our generation who are being called out have actually done a lot of good in their lives.”

Absolutely no one is saying the Foo Fighters shouldn’t win awards or perform unless they get a bandmate who’s a POC, woman, or trans person. He’s also being vague enough about “a lot of people from our generation” who were “called out” for... I guess not having those groups in their bands?? But who? 

“I worry about cancel culture. I think some of it is good but it also brings bad things and injustices. We think in different ways but they weren't necessarily worse ways. For instance, Freddie came from Zanzibar – he wasn’t British, he wasn’t white as such – nobody cared. Nobody ever, ever discussed it. He was a musician, he was our friend, he was our brother. We didn’t have to stop and think: ‘Oh, now, should we work with him? Is he the right colour? Is he the right sexual proclivity?’ None of that happened, and now I find it frightening that you have to be so calculating.”

Sure, there are bad aspects of cancel culture. But that’s not related to the issue at hand: removing the gendered categories. You’re not “canceling” men or women by doing this. I find it very telling that he says Freddie wasn’t white “as such.” That’s the entire reason no one or few people had issues with Freddie. Even today, I think the average person would say Freddie’s white. That’s why no one discussed it. That’s why he didn’t discuss it beyond some vague mentions in old interviews, which called him “exotic.” 

If you look at the 10 best-selling artists of all time, only 2 of them are POC: Michael Jackson and Rihanna. And Rihanna first started making music in 2005. As much as people love to say Freddie was “openly gay” while he was alive, the definition of “open” is very nebulous. Did he go to gay clubs and date men? Sure. Did he give any interviews to the public saying he dated men? No. He kept a distance from Jim when they were going out in public. Maybe the members of Queen didn’t care about his sexuality, but it’s unfair to act like no one would’ve cared if he were out. Many fans would not have been fans if he were entirely out. Maybe Brian and the others didn’t have to be calculating, but Freddie very much had to be calculated about what he did in public. And no one is demanding bands to have their members be in certain groups, so again, this is irrelevant, man.

“It’s a decision that has been made without enough thought. A lot of things work quite well and can be left alone. I get so sick of people trying to change things without thinking of the long-term consequences. Some of these things are an improvement – some of them are not.”

Again, define which “things” are an improvement and which aren’t. Clearly, he wouldn’t be saying this if he liked the removal of the Male & Female categories since that is the primary thing being changed, if not the only thing. In that case, what about that works well? How exactly is Sam Smith, Demi Lovato, or any other non-binary artist supposed to win in the Male or Female categories? They can’t. If certain people are ineligible to win due to their gender, that’s not working well IMO. I’m sure if they just added Non-binary categories, Brian & others would complain it makes it too easy for them to win awards because there are comparatively few non-binary artists. So if you think there’s some better way to handle this, suggest it before just saying the changes are bad. You know what’s a really bad “long-term consequence” of leaving things as is? Non-binary people can’t win awards.

I’m not calling Brian a conservative because he generally isn’t, but on this issue, he seems to be. And very often, conservatives argue the status quo shouldn’t be changed because “look, some things are working well and there could be consequences to changing things and let’s just leave things alone for now.” And for now ends up being forever because they repeat themselves. They don’t propose alternative changes; they just say to hold off for now. Because they don’t want it to change at all and they realize people don’t want to hear the status quo is actually great.

He went on to express hopes for “more understanding” between people with opposing attitudes, so that society could move on from what he described as an “atmosphere of fear” in which people were “afraid to say how they really think.” He continued: “I think so many people are feeling ‘hang on, this isn’t quite right.’ But they don’t dare say anything. Eventually there will be some kind of explosion.”

The thing about understanding is it can’t really exist when 1 side denies the rights of another. If the status quo stays, non-binary artists can’t win awards. If you think it “isn’t quite right” to allow them to be included and to put everyone on equal footing, I’m not sure where the middle ground is. If there is an “atmosphere of fear” around saying non-binary people don’t deserve to be included, good. That means a good number of people think we should be included. It’s like how people would fear publicly saying women shouldn’t work and should only raise kids. I’m glad you fear saying that because it’s bullshit. 

Besides, the UK is generally anti-trans, at least more than the US, and not even everyone who supports trans people supports non-binary people. Maybe he means he’s afraid to say that around his friends, since he’s generally pretty liberal on other issues. If so, maybe listen to your friends, Brian. 

I’ve seen some people here say what he’s saying really isn’t that bad. I’m not saying Brian is the worst transphobe in the land & he should hide in a hole or anything. Your connection to media and the people who make it is your own & it’s complicated. But at the bare minimum, if someone says bigoted shit, which is what this is, acknowledge it for what it is. He’s not trying to say it outright, but it doesn’t take much analysis to see what he means.

#brian may #i'm not going to engage with any replies/reblogs bc this is just me putting my thoughts out there #I mean if he says more shit I probably will respond to that but otherwise no

[wenellyb]

this is probably just me but I’m kind of getting annoyed with directors and producers saying in interviews that they didn’t intend for the characters to be read as LGBT at all...i just feel like it’s always been a given that once you create a piece of fiction (like books or movies), the interpretations of the reader/viewer are just as important as the intentions of the author/creator.

even if the intention wasn’t to make sam or bucky bi and in a relationship, i feel like we are allowed to read them like that without the directors and writers saying “no no we didn’t mean for it to be like that!!”...like it might not have been their intention but it’s still there

and i don’t think it’s wishful thinking that they’re in a relationship either, like the tropes of a romcom are right there...anyway sambucky rights 😭

Hi Anon, I don't think it's just you and I really understand the frustration because I share some of it too but I'm frustrated at the real "culprits"... the executives making the decisions. I'm sorry for replying late to this but I have a lot of thoughts on this topic and I wanted to organize them first😂 First things first... I know we have all been in other fandoms... But we have try to stop applying what happened in other fandoms and what other directors have said in other fandoms to what's happening with Sambucky. For so many reasons, but the main one is: Marvel people cannot say anything.... literally.... They must have a secrecy oath or something but it's not in these interviews that you will find meaningful information.. Remember a while back when Anthony tried to tell us he WASN'T Captain America even though we had all seen Steve hand him the shield in Endgame?? So it was already a scene we had seen? That man was contradicting something that millions of people had seen with their own eyes. Was I frustrated at Anthony ? No. Because that's how anyone involved in marvel projects talks... ( You remember why people make fun of Ruffalo and Holland? Because they are the only 2 unable to follow that one simple rule😂) So my strategy is focus on the content we have and focus on the future content when it's time to focus on the future content... But I really never focus on cast members interviews or directors interview etc...(Only Stackie interviews but you know that already). I think that we are so used to complaining in other fandoms that we complain for the FATWS but the directors did the best they could. Maybe the directors/writers in other shows/movies have a little more freedom in what they said.

I would understand of it were an indie movie or something but it isn't, Kari and Malcom arent making the decisions alone and have some limitations because they aren't allowed to give any hints about the future... and most of the time they don't even know themselves... Directors/ writers change all the time. Besides in Marvel shows the romance is never at the center of the story, I consider myself lucky that we got this much romance in the show... If Sam or Bucky were a woman I don't think we would have had any more romantic moments than what we got (maybe just on little kiss at the end but not much more than that... Sam and Bucky wouldn't have been kissing in every episode I can assure you that). The only difference is that people would have seen the romance right away, and the shippers wouldn't have minded if there had been a kiss or not. Because that's how Marvel projects work... not much focus on the romance itself, it's not even a subplot, more like a sub-subplot.

Sam and Bucky started with only 4 lines in Civil War and then 2 scenes in Endgame... That's it. So what they have now is just amazing.

Another point: If I'm not mistaken, Kari never said that Bucky was never intended to be read as LGBT/ Bi. If she did, let me know and I will read the interview again. What she said was that the Tiger Pictures weren't put there to show that Bucky was bisexual but to show that he was not good with technology. And that there was" no sexuality attached to his character" which makes no sense, by the way, because he went on a date with Leah, so they had to at least think avout his sexuality,... But she didn't say that, she didn't say he was straight or bi. She purposely gave a vague answer...Like all Marvel people do... So I think it's unfair to get frustrated at her for things that are out of her control. She was giving a specific answer related to the Tiger pics, maybe she would have given a different reply to a different question. I know that directors or actors other shows have said what you just mentioned in your ask, and correct me if I'm wrong, but it hasn' t been the case for TFATWS. I don't think any of them said Bucky wasn't bisexual and even less about Sam. They never said anything like that or never said that they never intended them to be read as LGBT. Last point: I don't think that she had no intention of portraying Sam and Bucky in a romantic lighting... I do think it was intentional but I also think that this is the best she can share right now...

As you said... the romance tropes are right there... it's not a mistake or a coïncidence... they put them there for a reason I have said this before but I will say it again because I think some Sambucky shippers don't come from other MCU fandoms and even the ones that do seem to forget this sometimes... y

These writers, directors, etc always talk in riddles and share as little information as possible...We don't know what will happen and they don't know either... So it's very difficult for them to make impactful comments.

Sorry to bring this a lot but am I the only one who remembers the Peggy Sharon and the Peggy again situations...??? Do you think any of the directors or writer knew where the story was going when they were filming the movies? no. I say we just focus on what we liked and ignore the reat until there is real content, Kari said " they love each other and rhey work great as a couple" and Malcom said they are a family .... If I were in their position I don't know what I would be allowed to say... nothing is ever certain in the Marvel universe. As much as I'd like to hope about what happens with Sam and Bucky in the next movies... I don't even think the decision has been made, so why get frustrated over something that isn't even decided yet...What I can so... is the already great and developed love story, I don't care that there wasn't a kiss.

Would I have appreciate an "official" confirmation? Yes, yes yes. But I'm also happy with the story as it is and know that maybe it isn't their decision to confirm or not. But the content is there and it's a love story. People who say Marvel will never go there are lying because they don't know. And people who pretend Bucky and Sam will be together in the next movies are lying too because they don't know either... It's also a possibility that Seb wouldn't be in the next Cap movie... We really don't know enough to be frustrated about anything😂. Even if Kari and the writers had depicted Sam and Bucky as a romantic item (Which they did, by the way). I believe this is the maximum she would have been able to say... Maybe because they are two men... or maybe because that's just the way Marvel operates.

Please feel free to share your thougts on this if you want too and of course: Sambucky rights!!!

#sambucky #sambucky-asks #anon asks #bucky barnes #tfatws #kari skogland

[thebeatleaesthetic]

Paul McCartney on John Lennon’s Sexuality [Quotes]

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I don't think [the gay claims] are true. John never ever tried anything, I slept with him a million times. I've seen him on tour roaring drunk, out of his mind in the early days before he sobered up and went to rehab. Roaring drunk and it was always with a female, never once [with a man]. If you've got a little gay tendency and you’re roaring drunk I'd have caught him once.

— Paul McCartney (from The Sun)

That was the intimacy we had. We would always be walking in on each other and things. I’d walked in on John and seen a little bottom bobbing up and down with a girl underneath him. It was perfectly normal: you’d go, ‘Oh shit, sorry,’ and back out the room... 

That’s why I’ve always found very strange the theory that John was gay. Because over fifteen years of sharing rooms, sharing our lives, not one of us has an incident to relate of catching John with a boy. I would have thought that kind of thing would be more prevalent, and John’s inhibitions were certainly free when he was drunk.

...

So there was the homosexual thing - I’m not sure John did anything but we certainly gave him a lot of grief when he got back [from Spain with Brian].

...

There has been a suggestion since that John had some homosexual thing with Brian, but I personally doubt it. All the intimate moments we shared were always about girls. 

— Paul McCartney (from The Beatles Anthology book)

The funny thing is when later the rumour came out that John was gay, I said: 'I don't think so.' I mean, I don't know what he did when he went to New York, but certainly not in any of my experiences. We used to sleep together, top and tail it, you know. I always used to say: 'Come on, I would have spotted something here.' But what I spotted was completely the opposite. It was just chicks, chicks, chicks.

— Paul McCartney (from The Guardian 2007 interview with Pete Doherty)

But I--I mean, I hear [Peter Brown] said John Lennon had a gay thing with Brian Epstein when they went to Spain together once.  That's been rumored for years. I mean, was he in the room with them? It's probably just wishful thinking on his part. But I'll tell you what's naughty about it--that John's not here to answer it, and neither is Brian. All that stuff that's written about us, I just hope that people who've sort of heard of our music, vaguely, know what the Beatles, or the ex-Beatles, were--and it wasn't what's been written. I mean, John's time and effort were, in the main, spent on pretty honorable stuff. 

— Paul McCartney (from the Playboy 1984 interview)

I don't actually know the truth of the John [and Brian Epstein relationship] rumor. I mean, all I can ever say about that is that I slept with John a lot just 'cause you--you had to sleep and you know you didn't have, you know, more than one bed. And, um, to my knowledge John was never gay. It might've been--I've suspected that the John thing and Brian was a power play on John. 'Cause John was a very political animal. And John I suspect went away on that, uh, Spanish holiday, wherever it was, number one 'cause nobody went on holiday so anyone--I would've gone. Anyone would've gone. Off a free holiday? You're kidding. Yes! I'm there. Number two, I'm sure John took Brian aside and said "Hey, you wanna deal with this group, I'm the guy you deal with. Okay?" John was that kind of guy. Very sensible, very pragmatic. So I'm sure that was the main reason John went there. Now as to whether there was any sort of gay dalliance or whatever, I don't know. That's--that's--that’s, uh, I can't tell you that... And I say, he never hit on me at all. You know, there was never any question of it at all. And I say, we lived so intimately together that there would've been one evening when he's sort of drunk and so and so and so, would've been in his character to do that...

— Paul McCartney (from the Beatle Stories channel)

I slept in a million hotel rooms, as we all did, with John and there was never any hint that he was gay...

When the group was formed John was a smart cookie. Brian Epstein was going on holiday to Spain and Brian was gay. He invited John along. John, not being stupid, saw his opportunity to impress upon Mr Epstein who was the boss of this group. And I think that's why John went on holiday. And good luck to him, too - he was that kind of guy, he wanted Brian to know who he should listen to in this group, and that was the relationship...

So they say he went on holiday with someone who was known to be gay and therefore he is gay.

— Paul McCartney (from Lennon, Ray Coleman)

I think where [Albert Goldman in his John Lennon biography] started to exaggerate and says that John was possibly homosexual. I think that he throws that in with the truth and it starts to have the same credence as the real truth... But, um, there's a bit about me where John's supposed to come around to my house and put his foot through a picture or something. Well, I mean, it never happened you know. So if one of them never happened it's quite possible that a lot of stuff in the book never happened. And I say, if he’s homosexual, I'd have thought he'd made a pass at me in 20 years, darling!

— Paul McCartney (from The Today Show 1988)

You know, that rumor [about John being gay] came out a long time ago and the thing was, the person that started the rumor or the book that it was in, he didn't know John. Whereas I did. So I--I said to people, you know around about that time, said, "Look. I was on tour with John. I grew up with John. We kind of--we slept in the same bed in hotel rooms. We topped and tailed it like kids do, you know, when you're growing up." And I said, "I never once did I see any hint of that." Now, you know, we spent drunken nights together. I think there would've been a hint. Don't you? Somewhere. If he was gay, I think there would've just been a hint, somewhere. But it was a rumor started, uh, years ago that I--I think is a nice story if you can make it stick, but I don't think it's true.

— Paul McCartney (on The Howard Stern Show)

Stern: Here's what [Philip Norman’s] book claimed: Your sexuality was so powerful over [John], he was so enamored of you, so attracted to you, almost... McCartney: Wow. Stern: ... that you could have your way with him. Not sexually... Quivers: Did you feel a power over him? McCartney: No. Stern: ... that in business. That you had a--that--that he was sort of at your mercy because he was so in love with you. That was the theory in the book. McCartney: Well, you know, I mean I--I like that theory. Stern: Yeah [laughs]. Wish that could've been true. McCartney: No, man. Stern: No, not to have sex, but to be able to control him more because it would've been a little bit easier, business-wise. McCartney: No, but--but Howard, listen man. You can make up theories about anything... I mean, you know, we can make up anything. And that is really, particularly with The Beatles, that is what happens. They just take one tiny fragment of evidence and they blow it up into a book, even.

— Paul McCartney appears on The Howard Stern Show

▬▬▬▬

If I were to insert my own personal take on this...

I think part of the reason Paul is insistent on John’s heterosexuality (other than because he never saw John as gay) is because Paul found Albert Goldman’s, Philip Norman’s and Peter Brown’s biographies ‘trashy’. As he said when speaking about Goldman’s book in 1988: “For me, I just think it’s trash.” The rumors were around before the books’ release, but I think they - particularly Goldman - widely spread the theory among the public and elaborated on it. Paul claims there are lies in the books and he’s commented before that he strongly dislikes when people ‘cash in’ on the Beatle story with made up information. Especially when it was old friends, like Peter Brown.

As far as I can tell, Paul is also a bit protective of John’s image. To quote him from the Today Show: “[John] isn’t here to defend himself. I think that’s the big problem with a book like [Goldman’s]. It’s too cheap a shot, I think.” Remember that this book was released not even ten years after John’s death, when his name must’ve been a hot-ticket, and it’s obvious John wasn’t there to respond to any claims. John used to be asked about his relationship with Brian, denying that anything happened between them. But in these books, it was no longer asking John directly if he were gay; it was speculating that John was gay and strongly suggesting it to the reader. I think Paul feels the need to talk about what John was really like, even clarifying things like John’s flawed nature, or that John wouldn’t have wanted to be a martyr. John’s sexuality is something deeply personal and accusing him of being gay even more so. Paul must see himself as one of the few people who knew John well enough to comment on such personal things like that - which is why he says things like “I mean, was he in the room with them? It's probably just wishful thinking on his part” about Brown writing on John’s trip to Spain. I think he must find spreading rumors like that a bit presumptuous. 

And of course there’s the thought that John might’ve been attracted to Paul himself. I think Paul values his memories of John’s friendship to the highest degree. So, when he hears people turning it into something else entirely, he almost immediately goes “No, no” in very clear and firm terms as he did on The Howard Stern show. 

I know there is a variety of opinions on this subject, but that’s just mine!

#paul mccartney #john lennon #the beatles #quotes #1960s #john and paul #mclennon #quote #60s #beatles quotes #vintage #beatles #music history #music aesthetic #queer history #sexuality #paul and john #1960s rock #classic rock #compilation #long reads #If I got any info wrong please tell me so I can edit! But I think it's all right

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

TUA ENTERTAINER AU

(friendly reminder to remember that celebrities are people too! be respectful of and kind to them, both online and in person! ^-^)

(Talk Show Host) Vanya Blues is the host of a late night talk show called The Sleepy Show with Vanya Blues. She does what typical talk show hosts do - talks to her guests, makes up fun games, and brings attention to social issues. The staple of her show is that she plays violin for the last seven minutes, lulling her audience to sleep. Beyond her own show, she’s hosted events like the Emmys and the Oscars throughout the years, and often works with mental health support services, as her traumatic past of childhood isolation and abuse is well-known. She’s had a couple bouts of scandals, as her anger getting the best of her often leads to violence, but while these scandals tend to put her on hiatus for awhile, she always comes back stronger than ever. Though she’s not known to have many friends in the celebrity world, her favorite guests have her personal number: Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Five, and Ben. As for her personal life, she keeps it intensely private - it’s known that she has a wife and a son, but nothing else. At least, not until Leonard, one of Vanya’s abusive ex-boyfriends and a paparazzi nut, manages to get some photos of Vanya with her kindergarten teacher wife Sissy and their son Harlan, whom they won in a court case against Sissy’s abusive ex-husband Carl. It would’ve been fine, if he hadn’t released them to the entire world - but he did, and now no one in Vanya’s family is safe.

(Rockstar) Diego Towblaerman is professionally known as “Batman”, a rockstar and teenage heartthrob beloved by the media. (He’s not a teenager, but all the people who wanna sleep with him are.) He always wears leather and black, except around pride month, when he can commonly be seen wearing shirts, jackets, pins, and other materials sporting his bisexual pride, as he’s been out since the beginning of his career. He’s rebellious and intense, but also pretty laid back and incredibly kind, known for conversing easily with any fans he comes across and helping out in the small places where he can. He plays guitar, plenty of different types and models, and also the drums and piano, though those spots in his band are filled by other people. Eudora is his pianist and second guitarist, and his adopted sister. She helps produce his music and manage his behavior, and their relationship and dynamic is well-loved by the public, especially as Diego often brings Eudora as his plus-one to award shows. Also in his family is his mother, Grace, who he often has lunch with and shouts out on social media, mostly about the orphanage she runs that he grew up in. (Unbeknownst to him or most of the others, all of the other six passed through that orphanage at some point in their tumultuous childhoods.) There’s also Lila, his girlfriend of a few years and his band’s awesome drummer. She’s as badass as Diego - she rides a motorcycle, can pack a punch, and heads a lot of organizations against sexual assault, since she grew up in a bad home in a bad neighborhood. (What people don’t know is that their relationship is a PR thing for both their benefits, and that Lila and Eudora have been together for nine years and Diego is married with two children. Best be keeping that out of the media, me thinks.) Lastly, though, is the mystery member of Diego’s posse - someone they only know as “Séance”, from the countless number of songs Diego has written about him. Love songs. All happy ones, too, and listed as tracks two and four on his albums. Now, there are only two clues as to who this person might be. One: Diego is rather impatient when it comes to assholes, and there are plenty of videos out there of him punching and cussing out people who harass him or his friends - but most notably is the viral, dark and blurry video of him having to be pulled off a guy by a bunch of shouting people, only one of whom’s voice is clear: a soft, sweet, scared, Gogo. No one saw who it was he was defending - Diego made sure to drape them in his own scarves and jackets and go out the back way, but there’s a soundbite from the same night of what sounds like two people sharing a kiss, Diego’s voice smiling around the words I’ll see you at home, baby, and the sound of a car door slamming. Lila, when asked, only smirked and answered that she was probably too wasted to remember this. The second clue, and perhaps the most interesting, is the sheer number of quote tattoos Diego has, none of which he will explain. Only a few people in the entire world know what the quotes are from - a shipping cult of fans on tumblr, only about a hundred of them, who all found and liked a post that pointed out that all of the quotes only have one thing in common, besides being forever embedded in Diego’s skin: they’re all the words of beloved comedian Klaus Hellbyes.

(Actress) Allison Charmors is known for being so kind and charming that no one has ever said no to her. She’s also a bit of media darling and nightmare simultaneously: they adore her, and all of her work with human rights organizations, but they’ve also had to deal with more of her troubles than anyone else they document. She’s often labelled a “maneater”, as her on-and-off relationship with Luther Monkman still follows her around, she and her first husband Patrick divorced and he got full custody of their daughter, and then she bounced around with a couple of other men. (And women too, but nobody else knows that. She wears pan pride colors sometimes, but has never outright stated or implied it beyond a couple of unfiltered jokes in interviews. She dated Natalie Portman once, if anyone cares.) Allison never settled down with anyone until Ray Chestnut came along - a BLM leader and proud LGBTQIA+ and Me Too ally. They met when Allison helped out at one of his demonstrations, and they’ve been inseparable ever since. The media is fascinated with their easy-going relationship and relentless work and support for and of minority groups, their most recent project being a protest against Islamaphobia. Everyone keeps waiting for them to fall apart, but it’s been five years and they haven’t yet. Also in Allison’s lane are Klaus and Vanya, the latter of whom she had a huge falling out with a couple years ago, though nobody knows what about. The two of them often cameo in the films she helps direct, most of them winning a multitude of awards. They’ve also been caught on video with her a couple hundred times, especially in all the scandals she’s been involved with where she’s assaulted someone for their racist and sexist behavior. But even with her history of assault, serial dating, and bribery, the public still adores Allison beyond belief - and so does her family, even if nobody really knows who that is. Most curious, though, is her history of film - she’ll only ever participate in trilogies.

(Comedian) Klaus Hellbyes is the comedian of his generation, and probably of the generation below his too. He’s famous for his dark morbid humor and NSFW improv jokes, and also for swearing consistently in live interviews on shows where you’re not allowed to swear. He has an odd fashion sense and rejects any and all gender roles, mouthing off at anyone who dares to comment on it. (He only ever paints four out of his ten nails, for some reason?) He’s known for his witty comebacks and scathing sarcasm on social media, and for being incredibly protective of others, especially teenagers who are targeted by trolls on online platforms. He runs a staggering number of pride organizations and does anti-racist work, often organizing pride events across the country for people who can’t be out to their families or communities. Beyond his social justice work, Klaus works to bring attention to mental disorders and trauma, especially in youth. He’s open about his own childhood, running from foster home to foster home and never being adopted, though he makes it clear that he made himself a family with a few very special kids along the way. He speaks publicly and often about his own struggles with anxiety, depression, anorexia, self-harm, PTSD, and suicidal ideation, always addressing any videos or accounts of him having panic attacks onstage, going out in short sleeves with fresh bandages on his wrists, and his ribs showing through his skin when he goes swimming. He’s taken hiatuses and spoken out in support and defense of other celebrities and people going through the same sorts of things, and makes it clear that his self-healing comedy has never been about the fame for him. He’s a good friend of Taylor Swift’s and once got drunk with Ed Sheeran, and he often goes on Vanya’s show to discuss mental health with her. While he often makes fun of the other six, he’s incredibly respectful in his comedy, as it’s never about his hatred of a person but rather his love for them. Whenever he speaks about social justice issues, he makes it clear that he speaks for his love of humanity as a whole rather than his hatred of any one individual. He’s admitted to being a huge fan of Diego, and has disclosed that they’ve met a few times, but is frustratingly vague about the circumstances of their friendship. Most people suspect they became friends at one of the many foster homes each is known to have been in. As well as his well-known friendships with Allison and Vanya, Klaus is known to hang around with Luther and Five, usually by getting ice cream and riding trains. Klaus’ two most famous relationships are complicated - there’s Ben, and there’s Dave. Ben is who Klaus has mostly lived with for the past eight or something years, the two of them open about being queerplatonic partners, though Klaus keeps having to explain what exactly that means to them and to the community as a whole, knowing that it differs for everybody. Dave, however, is who brought him into the public eye - Klaus met him in the army, and they were married in between tours. On one of those tours Dave was shot and killed, and Klaus has been open about his struggle with grief ever since, using Youtube as a platform for coping with his pain. He wrote a book about two characters based on them falling in love during the Vietnam War, which became a bestseller, and, on the third anniversary of Dave’s death, released the special that launched him to fame, an in-depth look at grief through a lens of comedy and appreciation for all the good moments shared between them. It’s become a staple of pop culture, and is still often quoted and referenced today, making Klaus one of the media’s most frequent topics of conversation.

(Author / Artist) Five di Sappears is known for his work across multiple genres, and the mystery that is everything about him as a person. His family, including his parents, is an incredibly well-kept secret, the only person known to be related to him being his sister Aidy, who Five has proven he will protect with violence if necessary. As a thirteen-year-old genius psychopath (not ACTUALLY), he’s a controversial figure, though his talent will never be denied. While he’s violent and aggressive, his horror and thriller novels have never failed to top the charts. While his sanity is questionable, his art is beautifully crazy and nonsensical without a single metaphor within it. While he’s proudly asexual aromantic and has gotten into physical and verbal altercations defending that, his romance novels published under the pseudonym Evipha Murdress are hailed as some of the most honest portrayals of love that literature has to offer. He can sing like fucking hell too, and is considered a trans icon, though he keeps his chosen name as much of a secret as his dead one, offering only the explanation that he fears for the safety and privacy of his family should it be released to the public. (His name is Aidan Alone, off the record.) Agnes is his kind and well-loved publisher (owner and founder of Donut Publishings! Books guaranteed to put a smile on anyone’s face!), and Dolores is his best friend/partner/comfort mannequin, which greatly confuses the public but doesn’t concern Five. She travels everywhere with him, and often cameos in the movies made off his books, and he’s gotten into plenty of fistfights over her. He doesn’t care if you don’t understand her importance, you don’t touch her. Hazel is his bodyguard and Cha-Cha is the main actress in his horror and thriller films, all of which are directed by the Handler, who produces his movies and likes to change the details behind his back no matter how hard he tries to make her adhere to what he’s written. Unfortunately, he can’t report or remove her, because she’s offered Hazel and Cha-Cha handsome salaries to hand over whatever information they know, including photos they’ve taken of when Five’s parents come to see how his projects are coming along. They blackmail him into silent fuming, but that all backfires soon enough - Five gets into a car accident in which he takes the brunt of the impact for Aidy, alerting the world to Klaus and Diego’s relationship and Five’s parentage when they come screaming from their cancelled events and into his hospital room, without concern for the millions of photos taken and only worry for their beloved son. No matter. Five will just kill anyone who dares to say a word. After all - those rumors that he writes his novels based on his own murders are not exactly unfounded.

(Influencer) Ben Deadengon is one of the most subscribed-to Youtubers out there, famous for his videos about human rights, kindess, and positivity. He often features Klaus as a guest, since they’ve lived together for a long, long time and are committed partners who like to help each other out, but those videos usually dissolve into them dressing up as pirates and princesses and improving stupid skits. (Not that anybody has any complaints.) He runs a lot of charities, which means that he has indeed met the President, and he’s one of the most beloved and scandal-free people on the Internet, though he’s often involved himself in Klaus’ controversial shit in defense of his partner. He’s been on Broadway and travelled the world, but his main claim to fame is that he was in an accident in which he died for six minutes before coming back to life, therefore earning him the moniker Six. Curiously, the moment he gasped out his second first breath happened exactly as Klaus touched him, prompting a lot of conversations and theories about them being soulmates or some shit, despite soulmates not actually existing (as far as they know…). But Ben’s happy with his life, as it is - he has an at-home butterfly garden (seriously, his windows are all screens and there’s plants and butterflies fucking everywhere, I’m not kidding) and a lovely(?) niece and nephew he gets to babysit when his beloved partner is out. That’s the good life, baby. Plus, ya know - he’s not dead. So that’s automatically awesome.

(Athlete) Luther Monkman is one of the largest men in existence, all of his muscle earned in his rigorous training for the Olympics. He’s won one gold medal every time the tournament comes around, and he plans to keep on doing so. So does Reginald - his abusive trainer and professional cheater. Luther also works with Pogo, a kinder coach who tells him to always believe in himself, but is also frustratingly defensive of Reginald’s horrifying practices. But Luther himself is well-loved - he’s awkward and handsome enough to be a teenage heartthrob, and he’s been single since Allison left him for the last time, though they’re still good friends. He’s known as a gentle giant, having lunch with Klaus and Vanya often and enjoying a bickering and competitive yet loving relationship with Diego. He’s completely free of media scandals, a complete sweetheart - until he’s caught on video choking a guy against the wall, and shit hits the fan. (Nobody cares about Five in the background of the video, standing behind Luther with his fists clenched and his Adam’s apple bobbing under bruises.)

Welcome to my world, bitches.

#tua #the umbrella academy #yes each of their last names is based on something from the show #good luck figuring them out ;) #kliego #eudorla #ralluther #klaus &x ben #five &x dolores #vanya x sissy #diego & eudora & lila #the hargreeves #the hargreeves siblings #and all of their wacky companions #have fun with this one folks #i don't know why i keep making these #i'm clearly the only one who enjoys them unironically #whatever #joy is joy i guess #have a nice day y'all #love you <3

[rapeculturerealities]

The woman wanted help.

In a call late one night in September 2016, she told a 911 dispatcher that her husband — a Boston Police Department captain — was “extremely emotionally and verbally abusive” and refused to leave their West Roxbury home. What’s more, she said, her husband had abused her in the past, according to police dispatch records obtained by the Globe.

The officers who arrived that night — all of whom worked under her husband’s command — took his gun and removed him from the home without arrest. The department’s spokesman recently called it a verbal dispute, not a crime. Despite a Boston police policy requiring a domestic violence unit supervisor be on-scene, no one from that unit ever showed up.

A week after the incident, the veteran police captain was quietly reassigned, tasked with leading another major BPD district. The domestic violence unit would find no fault or no issues, and no internal affairs investigation would take place.

As for the allegation that the captain had previously been abusive? Internal affairs never launched an investigation.

This case, just one of many reviewed by the Globe, highlights what many criminal justice experts and domestic violence advocates say is the haphazard — and historically lax — response by law enforcement to the longstanding issue of domestic violence within the policing ranks, where abuse is vastly underreported, experts say, and often overlooked by those in power.

“Most departments,” said Lou Reiter, a policing consultant and former deputy police chief with the Los Angeles Police Department, “want to just shut their eyes and cover their ears.”

Even as Massachusetts’ largest law enforcement agencies tout “zero-tolerance” for domestic abuse among their own, a Globe review raises questions about how officers here are investigated and how diligently policies are enforced.

Of the dozens of State Police and Boston police officers who have been investigated over the past decade for domestic-abuse-related offenses, more than half have gone entirely undisciplined, records show — while some have remained on the job despite multiple allegations against them.

At least twice, women officers with the Boston police have complained that the department didn’t take seriously their allegations of abuse against their husbands — also BPD officers. And while the department and Mayor Martin J. Walsh have praised recent proposed reforms, a department spokesman now says it’s unclear if one of those key initiatives will be implemented — reclassifying domestic violence claims against officers so they are treated as possible cases of excessive force.

The issue has taken on added urgency in the wake of a pair of high-profile, domestic violence controversies that have engulfed the two of the state’s largest departments.

Last month, newly appointed Boston Police Commissioner Dennis White was abruptly placed on paid leave after details surfaced of a 1999 allegation that he had pushed and threatened to shoot his then-wife, who is also an officer. Just four days earlier, a veteran State Police supervisor, Sergeant Bryan Erickson, was jailed in New Hampshire, accused of choking and headbutting a woman — as well as leading police on a high-speed chase from the scene.

Those cases stand out because of the prominence of the officers involved, but there are many more allegations of similar kind.

Since 2010, the BPD’s internal affairs unit has investigated at least 68 cases of alleged domestic violence against officers, according to figures provided by the department. Of those, just 22 — or less than a third — have been sustained by internal investigators, with nine cases currently pending.

Only two Boston police officers have been fired for domestic-violence-related offenses in the last decade, and one of those was later reinstated through the Civil Service Commission.

Sergeant Detective John Boyle, a department spokesman, declined to provide the names of officers investigated — or disciplined — as alleged perpetrators of domestic violence. Boyle cited a state law that protects the privacy of domestic violence victims.

Boyle was responding to a Globe review of internal affairs records, court filings, and past media reports that found that a variety of officers who have faced serious accusations remain on the force today.

Among them:

♦ Captain Timothy Connolly, who in 2019 was arrested and charged with two counts of assault and battery of a household member after his wife, an attorney, said he’d repeatedly pushed her and hit her once across the back of the head as she packed to leave their Milton home.

Charges were dropped last year when she declined to appear in court. Connolly is currently on full duty; an internal investigation is pending.

♦ Officer Ramon Kelly-Chalas, the focus of a June 2010 call from a woman who was found “crying and hysterical” outside her West Roxbury home, according to a police report. She told officers that when she’d declined Kelly-Chalas’s repeated sexual advances, he “pulled out a large kitchen knife above his head and stated she would be bloody if she didn’t sleep with him.”

Kelly-Chalas denied threatening her, telling police he was “just fooling around.” He later admitted to some of the facts in the case, though criminal charges were eventually dismissed. He remains on the force.

♦ Detective Windell Josey, who while working in the BPD’s domestic violence unit in 2008, was arrested and charged with assaulting his girlfriend at his Randolph home. Though criminal charges were eventually dismissed, an internal charge of unreasonable judgment was sustained, a department spokesman said. Josey received a one-day suspension. In 2019, he was among the city’s highest-paid employees, taking home $325,187.

Through Boyle, the department spokesman, all three officers declined to comment.

In a statement, Boyle said the department takes seriously any instance of domestic violence, and that its first priority is ensuring victim safety.

“Our rules and regulations make clear that no person is exempt, whatever his or her occupation, from the consequences of their actions that result in a violation of our code of conduct,” he said.

That commitment to victim safety, however, has been called into question by two women officers.

In 1999, the then-wife of BPD Commissioner White — also an officer with the BPD — said in an interview with a department investigator that she felt “the department was not taking her seriously,” according to an internal report.

White denied the woman’s claims and was not charged criminally. He is currently on leave as an independent investigation, spurred by Globe questions about his past, plays out. His former wife, who is still on the force, has declined to comment.

Those concerns were echoed a decade later, when a former BPD officer who’d left the department two years earlier alleged that then-BPD officer Leonard Brown, had been allowed to repeatedly violate a restraining order she’d taken out against him.

When she sought assistance from a department captain, she recalled in court filings, she was told to be sure she always carried her gun. She said the department showed little concern for her situation.

State Police, too, have routinely found themselves investigating allegations of abuse among their own.

At least 35 State Police employees — ranging in rank from trooper to lieutenant — were investigated for domestic-abuse-related offenses between 2010 and the spring of 2020, according to records obtained by the Globe through public records requests. Roughly half of those troopers had findings sustained, meaning investigators found sufficient evidence to prove at least one of the allegations against them.

At least two current troopers — George Driscoll and John Hanna — have faced multiple domestic-violence-related investigations in the past decade. Supervisors found fault in at least one case for each man; Driscoll’s discipline is pending, according to the agency, while Hanna was suspended 45 days without pay. Details on their cases remain unclear and are not outlined in the records obtained by the Globe.

State Police spokesman David Procopio responded to only some Globe questions, and declined a request for an interview with someone in State Police leadership.

“We have no tolerance for domestic violence and thoroughly investigate any allegation of such conduct by Department personnel,” Procopio said in a statement. “Protecting and serving victims and survivors of domestic violence is a priority and an integral part of our mission, and our policies reflect this steadfast commitment.”

The true scope of domestic violence within the larger world of policing remains difficult to gauge, experts say, muddled by vague police policies, inconsistent record-keeping, and a lack of transparency within agencies. What few studies do exist suggest those in law enforcement are as much as four times more likely than members of the general public to become violent with an intimate partner.

Police possess a skill set that can make them “particularly good abusers,” said Leigh Goodmark, director of the Gender Violence Clinic at Maryland Carey School of Law.

Officers are taught how to command, control, restrain, and track people. Their badge grants them credibility and unique access to the criminal justice system, where they have relationships with prosecutors, judges, and social workers — as well as their fellow officers. That stature and implicit power can frighten victims into silence.

“They’re terrified” of calling the police, said Philip Stinson, a former officer and current criminal justice professor at Bowling Green State University in Ohio. “Because it’ll be his buddies that come out.”

As national views on domestic violence have evolved, some departments have taken steps to address the issue within their ranks.

Boston Police, for instance, adopted a nine-page policy in 2006 requiring any officer accused of domestic violence or facing a restraining order to immediately turn over his or her department-issued firearm, as well as any personal firearms as required by law. The officer’s district or unit commander is charged with ensuring those weapons are collected.

Asked to review the policy, Reiter, whose work includes helping agencies craft their own domestic violence policies, described it as, on paper, stronger than most.

How diligently it is enforced, however, remains unclear.

In 2016, a woman obtained a restraining order against Cesar Abreu, a Boston officer with a lengthy record of misconduct, after she said he hit her in the face during an argument and drove past her workplace, violating previous verbal orders from two judges to stay away from her.

“He carries a gun with him at all times, even when he is off duty,” the woman wrote in a petition for the protective order. “I am afraid he will get into one of his angry moods [and use] it against me.”

In April of 2017 — long after department policy dictated that Abreu’s personal and professional firearms should have been confiscated — department officials conducting a scheduled audit of station lockers discovered a Ruger 9mm handgun, 29 rounds of ammunition, and two magazines inside Abreu’s locker, according to court documents. Police officials resealed the locker and continued with the audit, Abreu’s attorney noted in court records, before a lieutenant assisting with the search “suddenly remembered” that Abreu was the subject of an active restraining order.

Abreu’s attorney, Peter Pasciucco, said that before the restraining order was issued, Abreu’s father had asked his son to remove the gun — which belonged to the father — from the father’s home. Abreu then put it in his department locker.

Internal charges tied to several misconduct allegations, including this one, were brought and sustained, and he served a five-day suspension. Abreu was also charged criminally with violating a restraining order, though charges were later dropped after his attorney successfully argued that the search of his locker was unlawful because there was no warrant obtained. Abreu, who has faced at least nine internal investigations since 2010, remains an officer in the department today.

Reforms sparked by last summer’s nationwide protests over police brutality have aimed to bring greater scrutiny to police misconduct.

A state police accountability bill signed by Governor Charlie Baker in December, for instance, gave a civilian-led panel the power to investigate alleged misconduct and revoke officer certification for certain violations. And in Boston, Mayor Walsh announced late last year that he was accepting all of the recommendations put forth by an 11-member task force that had examined the culture and policies of the Boston Police Department.

Among those recommendations: that acts of domestic violence by BPD employees be classified as the use of excessive force.

Task force member Jamarhl Crawford, who pushed for the recommendation, said it would ensure instances of domestic violence go on an officer’s personnel record, better allowing the department to track problem officers. The task force called for the reform to be in place within 90 days, or by mid-January.

But in an interview recently, Boyle, the department spokesman, said that change hadn’t been implemented — and couldn’t say whether it would be. Boyle said the department was currently reviewing both the task force recommendations and state police reform legislation to determine if that change, and others, are feasible.

Regardless, some experts said, even the most stringent policies mean little without a culture in which cases of domestic abuse by police are taken seriously.

“From the highest levels, people have to think that these cases are important, they have to be intolerant of abuse,” said former prosecutor Jennifer Long, chief executive officer of AEquitas, a Washington, D.C.-based nonprofit working to improve the handling of cases of sexual and domestic violence, stalking, and human trafficking.

“When reports are made of abuse they have to commit to investigations to ensure the truth is uncovered and abuse isn’t tolerated.”

#police #domestic violence #intimate partner violence #victim blaming

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Flirtation and Fistfights

Supernatural/Criminal Minds

Word Count: ~2940

Warnings: Drinking, pot smokin’, and (in case you couldn’t guess from the title) a fistfight. Somebody is giving a homeless woman a hard time, Spencer and Dean do not appreciate it.   

A/N: This is part of the Rockstar AU! It’s also for my Rockstar AU square on my Criminal Minds Trope Bingo card. Convenient, right? 

Lemming line inspired by an Ao3 tag. Continued cheerleading for this series provided by @stunudo​, who is wonderful. 

Spot the “It Takes A Village” reference! 

The post-show adrenaline rush is made even sweeter by the fact that there’s a hot tub and a couple easy days in Dean’s near future. The first L.A. show is in the bag. They have another tomorrow — same venue means minimal gear-schlepping and setup, thank fuck — followed by a full day off. 

Neither band has played L.A. in a while, and Dean’s seen a few familiar faces milling around already. It’s nice, aside from the small talk, but he’s used to that; the way he travels, he rarely has time to stay in one place and get to know people beyond the basics. He’s perfected the spiel: “tour’s been great, we’re going into the studio when it’s over, how’s your kid/spouse/dog?” etc. There are a bunch of those conversations happening around him, but people are starting to trickle out slowly, friends and acquaintances heading home or closing out. 

While they’re here, they’re staying at Casa de Pop Star, and Dean can’t lie, he’s looking forward to some poolside naps, movies on a decent-sized screen, and various other creature comforts. 

He’s getting another drink first, though. He leans up against the venue bar and looks around. 

At the end of the bar, Spencer is talking to a blonde, and it takes Dean a second to place her: Lila Archer, movie star and all-around hottie. Dean gapes at them for a second. He can’t see Spencer’s face, but she’s clearly flirting, standing close and putting a hand on his arm. Dean had no idea the kid had game like that. Granted, he and Spencer aren’t exactly close, but. 

Dean hasn’t figured him out yet. Dean is usually good at figuring out what makes people tick, what they’re hiding behind their masks, but he can’t make heads or tails of whatever the fuck happens in Spencer’s head. He has this way of looking at Dean as if he’s an alien species, or something, all bemused and vaguely perturbed like he can’t make sense of the words that just came out of Dean’s mouth. 

Then again, Spencer’s high more often than not, and they don’t exactly have a lot in common, and he’s a goddamn space cadet even when he’s sober, so... maybe he just really doesn’t know what Dean’s talking about half the time. 

He’s not like that with everybody, is the thing; Sam and Spencer got along immediately. They have this whole quirky dork thing going on where they talk in half-sentences that don’t make sense to anybody else. 

Not that Dean’s jealous or anything. Whatever.  

Dean’s drink arrives and he’s distracted for a moment, but when he looks again, Spencer’s shaking his head. Lila’s face falls. A second later, he’s giving her an awkward little wave, and she heads for the door. 

Yeah, Dean’s not usually one for gossip, but he really wants to know what the fuck just happened. Maybe Spencer’s one of those geeks who’s just completely fuckin’ oblivious when chicks are hitting on them? Dean can set him straight. It’ll be a bonding exercise. 

He weaves through the crowd to where Spencer is downing the last of his drink. 

“Tell me you did not just shoot down Lila Archer.”  

Spencer makes a face. “I could tell you that, but I’d be lying.” 

“Dude, what the hell?” Dean laughs. “Did she just march up and introduce herself? I didn’t know she was coming to the show.” 

“I met her at a party a while ago,” Spencer tells him. He’s looking up at the ceiling pensively, avoiding eye contact as he shreds a napkin. “In New York, when she was still in school. I, um. She’d been talking to this skeevy guy, and I saw him slip something in her drink, so.” 

“What did you do?” 

“Grabbed it and threw it in his face,” Spencer admits sheepishly. “And then I got punched, and she offered to, um, take me home and thank me, but I was kinda bleeding a lot. She gave me her number instead.” 

“That’s… actually pretty badass,” Dean comments. Spencer gives him half a smile. “So you guys kept in touch?” 

“She moved to L.A. not long after that. We’ve hung out a couple times, when I’ve been in town, but… I don’t think we’re interested in the same thing.” 

Dean almost smacks himself on the forehead. “I didn’t realize you were into dick, sorry.” 

“Oh, I’m not.” 

There’s a pause. Spencer doesn’t seem mad; his mouth is quirked in something resembling a smile, like he’s laughing at Dean for not asking the right questions. 

Is Spencer just like that, or is he not offering any more information because he wants this conversation to be over? 

Whatever. Dean’s curious. 

“So, you’re into chicks but not Lila friggin’ Archer? Are you telling me she’s not your type? 

“It’s not that,” Spencer says, smirking. 

Dean blinks a couple times. Emily told him the other day that everybody in the band except Hotch was single, so… he’s coming up blank. 

“You gotta give me a hint or something.”

“I’m not into sex,” Spencer says, rolling his eyes. 

“Oh.” Dean hesitates, taking a drink to hide his surprise. “Huh. Is that… huh. Are you — are you out, or whatever?” 

“I’m not not out.” Spencer shrugs. “Most people just assume, one way or the other, and I don’t bother to correct them. I just… don’t really care what people think about me, so if they don’t ask, I don’t bother. I’m not hiding anything, though.” 

“Huh,” Dean repeats. He has no idea what to say. 

“If I do tell them, most people argue with me anyway,” Spencer says wryly. “Tell me I’ll change my mind when I meet the right person, or whatever. I tell them they’re probably right and change the subject.” 

Dean huffs out a laugh. “That doesn’t piss you off?”

“Sorta, but…” Spencer grimaces, fidgeting for a second. “I don’t like confrontation, or whatever. It’s not important. I’d rather just… not talk about myself.”  

“Sorry for… y’know.” 

“No biggie.” 

Dean still feels awkward, but Spencer doesn’t seem bothered. He just sits there, tapping out a rhythm on the bar top, smiling to himself. 

Dean doesn’t do well with silences. 

It occurs to him that he has a peace offering: “Wanna come outside and smoke a joint with me? Could use some fresh air.” 

“Hell yes I do,” Spencer says, brightening immediately.  

They make their way backstage and then through the labyrinthine venue hallways until they come out at the back lot, where the buses are idling. Hotch is on his phone across the lot, and a bouncer near the fence is saying something into a walkie-talkie, but for the most part, it’s quiet. 

Dean lights the joint and offers Spencer the first hit, leaning back against the brick wall. 

“Y’know, nobody’s ever actually asked me about my sexuality,” Dean tells him, and he’s not in the habit of volunteering information like that, but it seems to get Spencer’s attention. 

“Really?” 

“I didn’t ever think about it, until… recently. But it’s true. A fuckload of interviews, over the years, and like you said, everybody just assumes.” 

“Because you don’t contradict people’s ideas of what a man should look like, or talk like, or dress like,” Spencer says bluntly. “As long as you fit within a certain box…” He shrugs, blowing smoke up at the sky. 

“Yeah, my dad was big on that box,” Dean says ruefully. “Wouldn’t he be proud?” 

“Bet it won’t take long for them to start asking. Not if you keep wearing nail polish.” 

Dean takes the joint and frowns at his hands. He hadn’t even thought about that. 

“Really? That’s all it takes?” he asks. 

Spencer just snorts. Dean’s stomach does a nervous flip-flop. 

He’s got an interview with Spin scheduled for next week, and he doubts anybody will comment right away, but eventually... eventually there will be questions. What will he say, if they ask? 

He’s still lost in thought, looking down at his free hand, as he exhales and passes to Spencer. With his eyes on the chipped green polish, it takes him a second to realize that Spencer hasn’t grabbed the joint. 

Dean looks up. Spencer is staring intently at something off to their side, and Dean follows his gaze over to the chain link fence and roll-away gate that separates them from the road. There’s a homeless woman there, hands over her ears, pacing back and forth. The security guy is saying something to her, his voice raised, as he starts to pull the gate open. 

Spencer moves abruptly, striding away from Dean without a word, and Dean hesitates for a second before pinching out the joint and following him. 

As he gets closer, Dean can make out what the bouncer is saying, in a loud, condescending voice like he’s talking to a toddler: “Move. Away. From. The. Gate. Jesus Christ, can you fuckin’ hear me?” 

The woman is muttering to herself agitatedly, and she flinches away from the guy’s voice, but she doesn’t look up from her feet as she paces. 

“What are you doing?” Spencer snaps at the guard. The edge in his tone makes Dean hurry to catch up. 

“She won’t get outta the way,” he says, rolling his eyes. He turns to the woman again and shouts, “Hell-looooo, anybody home?” 

“Have you tried speaking to her like she’s a goddamn human being?” Spencer says, low and clipped. 

“Whoa, hey,” Dean says uneasily. Not that he doesn’t want to head-butt this asshole, but Spencer’s a quarter of the guy’s mass, at best.

“You wanna give it a try?” the guy scoffs. “Trust me, she’s not getting the picture. I’m gonna call the cops.” He directs the last words at the woman, who’s still pacing, more and more agitated: “Crazy bitch.”

“You should apologize now,” Spencer says, sharp and quiet and ice-cold. Dean puts a hand on Spencer’s shoulder, and Spencer shoves it away without looking at him. 

The bouncer has the nerve to laugh. “Calm the fuck down, buddy.” 

“This is calm, and I’m not your fucking buddy,” Spencer snaps, taking another step closer. 

“Dude,” Dean interrupts. “Spencer, c’mon.” 

Spencer’s frozen for a moment, shaking with anger, but after a second, he steps back reluctantly. He reminds Dean of a hissing cat with its back arched and its claws exposed. 

“There you go, listen to your boyfriend,” the bouncer laughs. 

Dean considers him for a half-second, works up some saliva, and spits in his face. 

Everything moves quick and blurry after that; the guy shoves Dean back, cursing, and there’s a shout in the distance as he winds up. Before Dean can duck out of the way of the guy’s fist, Spencer steps in front of him — only to go flying, because he’s a fucking twig and should really know better. Dean sees red. He punches back. 

Then Hotch has the guy’s arms pinned behind his back, hauling him away, and Sam is grabbing Dean’s wrist before he can take another swing. Spencer grunts something incoherent from the ground. At least he’s conscious. 

“Motherfucker,” Dean snaps. “I’m fine, Sam, get off me.” He shakes out his smarting hand and glares daggers at the bouncer’s retreating back as Hotch and Rossi manhandle him into the building. Spencer makes a pained noise; he’s cupping his hands over his nose, and there’s blood dripping between his fingers. 

“Dean?” Cas is jogging over, Morgan behind him. He puts a hand on Dean’s arm, looking him up and down anxiously. “What happened?” 

“Don’t worry about me,” Dean says gruffly, and turns to Spencer. “You okay, kid?” 

“‘M fide,” Spencer mumbles. “Is she still…” 

Dean glances over. The woman is sitting with her back to the fence, curled up with her arms around her knees. 

“Fuck,” Dean mutters. “What should I —”

“I got it,” Cas tells him, and slips through the gate, approaching the woman with an easy, open smile. 

Cas was homeless for a while. Dean hates hearing him talk about it — not because it makes Cas sad, but exactly the opposite; he’s so matter-of-fact about the whole thing that it makes Dean sad. He tells stories, sometimes, and he’s completely fuckin’ blasé even when he’s talking about things that make Dean ache to think about. 

Dean hovers for a second. Sam is crouching next to Spencer, holding his balled-up flannel to Spencer’s nose, and Dean feels useless. There’s gotta be something he can do to help. 

Then he remembers something Cas said, once, and he turns his back on the scene and jogs off to the bus. 

He makes a beeline for the bunk under his, which is designated for storage. He’s got an almost-new backpack he’s been using as an overnighter, when he doesn’t want to lug his whole suitcase into a hotel; he dumps it out unceremoniously. 

He grabs a blanket first, the soft fleece one, rolling it up tight to stick it in the backpack. Then there’s a big hoodie, one Dean borrowed from their merch table the other day. He has a whole collection of tiny sealed soaps and shampoos from various hotels, and he runs to the kitchen to put them in a zip-lock bag. In the bathroom, he grabs a pack of wet wipes, the packaged spare toothbrush that Charlie keeps for “emergencies” — aka when she inevitably leaves hers at a hotel — and about half of their first aid kit. Then he ransacks the kitchen: several packs of ramen, a box of pop-tarts, couple bottles of water… he pauses, considering Sam’s nasty-ass granola bars, before tossing them in too. Sam can get more. He fishes the cash out of his wallet, shoves it in a zip-lock, and then closes the whole mess up. 

Then for a second he just freezes, looking down at the backpack, wondering if he’s being presumptuous or some shit. 

Dean’s always been suspicious of so-called “Good Samaritans.” Everything has strings attached. If it were him, he wouldn’t accept unsolicited help, but he’s been told that’s maybe a psychological flaw, not a virtue. 

Cas told him once about a woman named Hannah (he called her an angel) who gave him a backpack of supplies when he first ended up on the street. Said she probably saved his life. It’s one of those stories Dean doesn’t like to think about, but… he remembers. 

When he hustles back to the fence, Spencer is on his feet, Sam’s bloody flannel clutched to his face as he talks to Rossi and Morgan. 

Cas is still with the woman, who is on her feet, now, looking rattled but much calmer than she did before. Cas is talking to her in that direct, no-bullshit way he has; it’d be off-putting, from anybody else, but Cas is so earnest that it’s comforting instead. 

The woman looks wary, when she sees Dean approaching, so he hangs back until Cas comes to him. 

“I grabbed some stuff,” he says anxiously. “I didn’t know… is that weird? It’s just, like, shampoo and a blanket and — sorry. I didn’t know what to do.” 

Cas just stares at him for a second, his expression completely unreadable. Dean’s stomach sinks. 

“You remembered,” Cas says hoarsely, just as Dean opens his mouth to apologize.  

The back of Dean’s neck feels hot. “Yeah?” 

Cas gives him a quick, fierce, affectionate smile. He reaches out and squeezes Dean’s arm once before taking the bag. 

“There’s a shelter a couple blocks away. I’m going to walk her there. I’ll be back shortly.” 

He watches Cas go, and then he turns to see Spencer staring at them. Dean clears his throat uncomfortably. 

“Thanks, Schroeder,” he says. 

Spencer gives him that look again, like he has no idea what Dean is talking about. Maybe he’s concussed. He lowers the flannel, revealing a mess of dried blood and the beginnings of an impressive shiner. 

“Y’had my back,” he says thickly. Even through his rapidly-swelling nose, it sounds a lot like “Duh.” 

“The venue manager wants to talk to you,” Rossi announces. “Hotch saw enough to make it clear that the guy threw the first punch, so he’s most definitely getting fired, but just in case, they want it in your words.” 

“Fan-friggin-tastic,” Dean grouches. “Well, let’s get it over with. There’s a fuckin’ hot tub waiting for us, I’m ready to get the hell out of here.” 

“You sure you’re alright?” Rossi asks Spencer. “I swear, kid, you have the self-preservation instincts of a damn lemming.” 

“‘M’fide,” Spencer repeats, which is close enough to “fine,” apparently, that Rossi doesn’t push the issue. 

“You gotta be more careful with that pretty face of yours,” Morgan says, and Spencer flips him off. 

As he falls into step with Dean, heading back to the venue, Spencer mumbles, “Why d’I feel like I’b being sent t’the Princibal?” 

Dean chuckles, trying to imagine what a tiny (tinier) Spencer would’ve gotten in trouble for. 

“Hey, you mind tellin’ me why you just went feral on a guy who was the size of a fuckin’ hippo?” he asks.  

“Don’t like... bullies,” Spencer replies, clearly making an effort to enunciate. 

“Weren’t you just telling me how you try to avoid confrontation?”

“S’different.” Spencer shrugs. “Pisses me off. Don’t really care what happens to me, but —” 

“That’s healthy,” Dean needles. 

Spencer’s not looking at him, but his mouth twitches like he’s trying not to grin. “Takes one to know one.” 

Dean stops in his tracks and sputters for a second, turning a snort of laughter into a huff like he’s offended. Then he shakes his head and they keep walking.  

“Thanks,” Dean says again. “That was really fucking stupid, but thanks.” 

“You would’ve done the same for me,” Spencer says, like it’s a given.   

Dean smiles, because he’s right. Maybe he has more in common with Spencer than he thought. 

.

.

.

#cmbingo21 #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #spencer reid #dean winchester

[holyshit]

Gp's reaction is h's nominee to lgbt award is bad. But fans going on their tweets saying h is gay also cringe. They don't care about it they only look what h is selling to them and they don't like it. When holivia is hot topic and h has pics while holding o's hand gp doesn't care what we say. And mp is coming a white straight man playing a gay and a cop in this economy.... let's just buckle up

hi! frankly, i think anyone who gets mad at harry for being nominated for an lgbt award show that nominates both out artists and allies, when he is not at all responsible for who gets nominated, is a bit ridiculous. the charity behind the awards show is the one who decides on who is nominated, and they deliberately included both people who are out and people who are straight allies/are not out (like lizzo and the 1975), so he is not at all the only one nominated who isn’t out of the closet. if people have a problem with non-out artists or straight allies being nominated, that should be taken up with the charity behind the awards show who chose the nominations, not the people being nominated since the nomination process is out of their control.

when it comes to harry being perceived as straight by the GP, i think it’s honestly quite odd, because harry has been making headlines that hint to him not being straight for YEEEAAARRS, and i am not even talking about larry rumours. since 2014 really when the “not that important” interview came out and a ton of articles were written about it. then with Medicine which also got GP recognition, and then his vague statements about his sexuality in the last couple years, which mostly read as someone who isn’t straight (even if they were vague as fuck). these are all things that made headlines and can easily be googled. i was out of the fandom from 2017-mid 2020 and paying 0 attention to any of the boys when all of these things mentioned happened (except “not that important”), and i still saw multiple articles about Medicine and his sexuality interviews despite not searching them out.

so i think anyone who pays a decent amount of attention to celebrity gossip should, at this point, have an idea that harry could very well not be straight and be in the closet. even some people who think holivia is real think he’s bi. are there gonna be a lot of people who think he’s straight no matter what until he actually comes out? for sure, but if you pay attention to celebrity gossip, it would be odd if you haven’t even considered for a second that he might not be straight. and i find some people’s disdain they express about people in the closet is not a good look.

MP will get criticized, and that’s perfectly reasonable and deserved imo, but i’m not gonna comment on that further bc i’m white so 🤷‍♀️

#asks #anonymous #discourse / #hs

[thisiskatsblog]

You know what, if larry isn’t real, I Wanna ask louis why he got the dagger tattoo that is perfectly complementary with Harry’s rose. its so ?? and its not like were making things up that its a matching one. He deadass got one and hets are like ok but L got an E tattoo which points to elk and i’m like uhm u serious it can also stand for edward so 👀

I dig the Edward theory, anon! 

The dagger tattoo is perhaps the most significant of them all. Not because he got it, after a year, but because of the timing that he got it. November 2014 was one hell of a fucking ride. Looking at all the facts, it was one loud scream for freedom and a big fuck you to everyone keeping them in the closet. It was as loud as he could get. And it was necessary. 

A quick recap of the preceding events:

2012: Louis and Harry start getting complimentary tattoos - mostly nautical - here a (non exhaustive i think) overview

Source: 78.media.tumblr.com

September 2013: Harry gets the rose, fans start speculating that Louis might get a dagger, but they get the anatomical heart and arrow. No dagger for a year.

….

30 October 2014: Apple CEO Tim Cook comes out as gay at which occasion the rainbow apple logo is revived by the papers. Interestingly the “not that important” and “don’t knock it til you try it” interviews are taped that same day. The fandom is still blissfully unaware though. 

3 November: The  “not that important” interview comes out - in short, asked which traits they find important in a girl, Liam says “female”, and Harry replies “not that important”. 

4 November: Harry’s statement is all over the papers and speculations become loud, everyone is asking: did he just come out as bisexual? Harry instagrams an armchair captioning “seated”. Might as well have said “where is the popcorn?”

5 November: Rainbow Direction launches the rainbow heart badges to show support to Harry’s “coming out” of sorts and create safe spaces for fans to discuss LGBTQ+issues - 22.000 people download them to their profiles that week - rainbow hearts are everywhere.

Later that same day, the live FOUR hangout is announced for Sunday Nov 9th and fans can send in their questions.

7 November: Louis shows up at the X factor rehearsal wearing a rainbow apple shirt. Considering context of the past week’s events, a LOT of people see that as support to Harry, and Tim Cook

9 November: The Independent’s Jenn Selby ’s article is published saying “Louis Tomlinson supports gay Apple CEO Tim Cook - days after Harry Styles’ comments on gender and sexuality” also referring to the fandom’s support for Harry with the rainbow hearts. This is how it’s featured on the front page:

That evening the FOUR hangout is broadcast and it’s the most akward interview ever. Rather than coming from fans, several of the questions seem to be set up to give Louis and Harry the opportunity to deny their rumoured sexuality/relationship . Except they don’t. (if you’re brave, watch 12 cringy long minutes from 8 to 20). Also, it’s November and it’s cold, but they are in their T shirts, matching tattoos out, and Louis keeps adjusting his boatneck “It is what it is”.  Also Liam asks “Have you read the article in the Independent?” Louis “No, is it good?” Liam “Yeah" 

10 November: We get papshots of Louis at the lawyer’s near Harry’s public house and he’s looking cheerful and therefore so are we, but that doesn’t last long. Late that afternoon shady agenda anons start imbuing the fandom with “it’s just the vintage apple logo” but we’re not having it. That evening, @Louis_Tomlinson tweets Jen Selby the same shit, but worse,it gets personal, it’s homophobic, it’s vicious and I’m not in a mood to recap or link it, may it disappear from the face of the earth. Interestingly a few minutes later followed by the more vague “Ridiculous I even have to tweet that shit” - some people think this is real Louis shading 1DHQ - we’ll never know - but I like to think so. 

11 November: Louis’ tweets to Selby get noticed and suddenly the story about that Independent article and @LT’s homophobic reaction is all over the place. Harry captions the following pic on his IG with “funny money”

???: Lottie :( on Twitter

14 November: Harry instagrams twice, one picture of a cracked wall saying “lovely view”, and another “no such green” which we think links to the funny money. 

15 November: The interview in which Harry says to Niall - “Don’t knock it til you try it” about sex with a man (also filmed 30 Oct) is aired. TMHFN/Rainbow Direction ask for an apology.

17 November: on Elounor’s anniversary, this appears on Jay’s Instagram

It’s is deleted minutes later and her twitter says it was a hack. 

Also, interestingly, Lottie tweets “no point in sorry when the damage is already done. some things can’t be forgiven”  

It’s a hectic few days, as while they are in Orlando, Zayn doesn’t show up for a gig, Harry serenades Louis, oh and news comes out that our beloved security guy/tour manager Paul quits. Supposedly something to do with Zayn. November 2014 was so wild on all levels. 

23 November: At the AMA’s Harry serenades Louis *again* and he also sits next to Louis’ parents. 

26 November: we see that Louis got the long anticipated dagger tattoo, a quote (given a chance), and a  second smiley xx) this time on his wrist

And in case we missed it, next shoot, he’s pointing right at it: 

I call that LOUD, LOUD, and LOUD. 

They were trying to break out of the closet in November 2014. Their family were trying to help them break them out of the closet in November 2014. Everyone wanted to help them break out of the closet in November 2014. 1DHQ pushed back. And Louis responded in the only way he could. I don’t see how you could interpret all of this any differently. 

#Anonymous #ask #if a tell all ever comes out i will skip through to november 2014 right away #i so want to know what happened behind the scenes that month #and this is barely half of what we saw #I'm sure I missed things #such as Lotties :( tweet which I couldn't locate though I know it happened #god i wish i'd had more time then to take in and understand #but it was a shit month on all levels #i don't know how i survived #it really almost killed me #but i woke up on the 26th #and i was still alive #and louis got the dagger #and i couldn't have cared less in that moment #but looking back at it #it was SO incredibly significant #and so loud #:( #big gay war #end it #dagger #dagger tattoo #he got the dagger #dagger and rose #november 2014 #bullshit 2.0 #bullshit

[its-bound-to-get-loud]

Ashton Irwin is not straight: a masterpost

It’s been a while since I’ve written a masterpost, but I’ve been meaning to get back into it for a while now. Giving a voice to some of my personal ideas is the main reason to start this blog in the first place. I’ve made a similar post about Michael several months ago. I can highly recommend checking that one out as well. This one will probably be a bit shorter than that one, since Michael has been banging on that closet door a ton, while Ashton is a little more subtle.

Before you continue reading, a quick disclaimer. If the idea that Ashton may not be straight makes you uncomfortable. Please do not continue reading. However, if you have an open mind and are willing to entertain other ideas than your own or if you share my ideas (based on the title) you are more than welcome to continue.

Finally, I’m asking you. Please, under no circumstance ever show my posts to any of the guys or people close to them. The posts that I make are meant for fandom discussion only. You can share them with friends, you can talk about them, just do not share them with the guys or the people around them. Also, I will not be publicly speculating about what label (sexuality) the guys may identify as. This is something very personal and it’s up to them to decide how they want to or don’t want to identify as. However, I do believe that at least Ashton, Luke and Michael are not straight. I haven’t completely made up my mind about Calum, but I think there are definitely certain signs that he may not be straight. I’m aware that a lot of people believe in Cashton as a couple. Personally at the moment I’m posting this I do not believe they are (or were) a couple. I understand why people think they are dating, I have seen plenty of Cashton evidence, but nothing has absolutely convinced me so far. They are super cute and I absolutely ship them though, I would love nothing more than to be wrong about this. Now that we have gotten all of that out of the way, let’s get to the reasons I think Ashton is not straight,

I do not have as many reasons for Ashton not being straight as I do for Michael, who has been incredibly vocal about not being straight. Ashton however has thrown a few hints out there and I am receiving them loud and clear. For me the first thing that pointed me towards Ashton not being straight sounds a bit vague. It was his demeanor, the way he acts, the way he carries himself. Ashton is very flamboyant in the way he acts. You know how you see someone you don’t know, but instantly know they’re not straight because of the way they behave? That’s exactly what I see when I look at Ashton. It’s hard to put into words, but if you don’t know what I mean I highly suggest googling the definition of flamboyant, I’d say it fits quite well with Ashton. Now I know this is very much a stereotype and not everyone who is flamboyant is gay* and vice versa, so this doesn’t make what I say a fact (unless Ashton comes out and says he’s not straight, this whole post is speculation). But those stereotypes do exist for a reason, they may not apply to everyone, but they do exist for some.

* I’m using gay as an umbrella term here, I don’t mean to imply he is only into guys. Simply that he is not straight.

“Girl and/or boy”

The following moment of the guys explaining what Don’t Stop is about can be interpreted in many ways. It starts with Luke saying the song is about a girl at a party, that everyone wants to take home to “hang out” with. Then after some further talk at 0:53 Ashton says “It’s just about a girl who everyone wants at a party basically. And/or boy”. Now this can be interpreted as a girl seeing a boy at a party who she likes. It could be a general statement that some boys aren’t (just) interested in girls, but (also) in boys and he’s trying to be inclusive. Which is not out of character for Ashton I’d say. It could also be a little more personal. Maybe meaning that he might not (just) be interested in girls. Personally I think it might be a combination, it’s a blanket statement that leaves plenty of room for plausible deniability, should there ever be a need for further explanation.

“I don’t wanna tug any of ya”

The fact that nobody is talking about this at all is at least surprising. I get that the interview is a few years old, but even in the comments I don’t see anything about it. At 2:19 the interviewer asks them who would win in a tug of war competition between 1D and 5SOS. After some back and forth talk, their answer nears an ending, but not before Ashton jokes “I don’t wanna tug any of ya” at 2:36 and letting out an adorable giggle. Michael doesn’t seem to take notice of what Ashton is saying. However Luke and Calum definitely get it. Now if there was any doubt about what Ashton would mean by tug. Just take a look at the Urban Dictionary. So Ashton jokes he doesn’t want to tug any of his bandmates. Does that mean he would like to tug someone else perhaps? This may have been a simple teenage joke and nothing else, but I think it’s important to at least take notice of.

“It’s not a guy”

This moment is honestly iconic, I don’t know what else to say. In this video they get asked some random stuff such as “first band you saw live” and in this case “favorite hometown spot”. 20 seconds into this video and Ashton does a shout out to Frankie’s in Sydney. Which is all fine, but what follows is where it really gets interesting. He says “spent way too much time in you”. This could just be a bit of unfortunate phrasing, sometimes our brain to mouth filter works in weird ways. Then Luke feels the need to add “it’s a rock bar”. This smells like damage control to me. They could have just laughed it off and made it into a joke. I mean, Ashton says a lot of ridiculous stuff at times, so this wouldn’t even be that much out of character. Ashton however must’ve felt defiant that day, because he decides to add fuel to the fire by saying “it’s not a guy”. Then he smirks while looking off camera. He is well aware of what he’s saying and I 100% believe he saw an opportunity and took it. Also a special shout out to Calum’s face after Ashton said “it’s not a guy”. Also, the fact that he says guy and not girl is something to take notice of. Now in all truthfulness, if he’d said girl it would have sounded rather gross and I probably would have to scold him myself. But I’d say Frankie is an androgynous name that doesn’t stereotypically belong to any specific gender.

“Boys, boys, boys”

5SOS reads thirst tweets is iconic as a whole, but one of my favorite moments is “boys, boys, boys”. It starts with Ashton reading the tweet, followed by Luke going “you can’t say boys like that”. Ashton being Ashton doesn’t like being told what to do, so he decided to be extra and repeat himself a couple of times. Now this may just be Ashton being defiant. But there is an extra added layer to what he says and how he says it. The way he says it is just so flamboyant, the way he stares into the camera he knows what he’s saying.

“If Walls Could Talk”

There is a reason I called my blog its-bound-to-get-loud and the reason is obviously this song. The moment I realized what the lyrics to this song were I had to look them up, cause it sounded a lot like a closeting song to me. After reading the lyrics that thought was solidified in my brain. I have written an extensive analysis of the whole song together with R. If you want to know more about our interpretation of the song, read our analysis here.

This has been my masterpost about Ashton not being straight. As always, this post is speculation based on my personal opinions. I hope it brought some new ideas to people who maybe didn’t think of this before. I’d love to hear your reaction if you have read this. You don’t have to agree with me, as long as we can have a friendly conversation about our differences I’d say we’re good. If you liked this post, please reblog it so other can read it as well. Tumblr absolutely sucks in getting my posts to show up in the search results and I don’t have a ton of followers either. So any reblogs are very welcome. A big thank you @full-of-lonely-people​ and @ashtons-ass for proofreading this for me. Your effort is very much appreciated!

#5 Seconds of Summer #5SOS #Ashton Irwin #Cashton #original #masterpost