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#and so much more i actually am so overwhelmed
finelinevogue · 2 days
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overwhelmed
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summary - you’re overwhelmed but luckily you have harry
pairing - boyfriend!harry x reader
word count - ~1k
“Hey, I came as quick as I could.”
Harry was ushered inside by Maya, your best friend. Harry was wearing joggers and a baggy hoodie - since it was 2AM and he had been sleeping.
“I’m actually slightly scared. You live like twenty minutes away and I only got off the phone with you like twelve ago…” Maya chuckled, shutting the door behind them.
“Yeah I might’ve already been out of the door and in the car by the time our phone call ended.” Harry rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
“Well you certainly win boyfriend of the year.”
“Speaking of, where’s Y/N?”
“Curled up on the sofa.” Maya showed Harry the way through.
“Still upset?”
“It’s scary how she doesn’t run out of tears…”
Harry chuckled because he knew all too well.
Maya showed Harry to where you were curled up on the sofa, blanket tucked high up your body and tissue in your hand. You were staring at the room - not particularly looking at anything.
“Thanks.” Harry smiled at Maya and she took it as her queue to hang back in the kitchen.
Harry rounded the sofa and slowly came into your line of vision, not wanting to startle you.
“Hey, my pretty girl.” Harry smiled when he saw your puffy eyes and red cheeks from crying so much. “What’s all the fuss about, hm?”
“Harry.” You pouted and then started to cry again, cupping your hands over your eyes because you were so embarrassed he was seeing you like this.
Your relationship was 5 months new and even though you’d already had arguments and cried in front of each other, it’d never been like this.
This was full on sob and snot crying.
You didn’t even cry like this on your period.
“Hey, hey. What’s this about?”
Harry did in fact know what this was all about, after being rung by Maya when she’d gotten concerned about how much you were upset.
What’s strangest about this situation is Harry knew you weren’t even upset by something that had hurt your feelings. If anything, you were upset because you were feeling too much.
“Hello?” Harry answered the phone groggily, wincing as his eyes adjusted to the bedside lamp.
“Hi Harry. I’m sorry to wake you.”
“No, no it’s fine. Is there a reason you’re calling off Y/N’s phone, Maya?”
“Harry… Y/Ns a little upset.” Harry sat up in bed then, “Actually, a lot upset. I didn’t want to call but i’m getting kind of worried.”
“What’s happened? Is Y/N okay? Are you guys safe?”
“Yeah we’re in my house. It’s just, we had quite a bit of wine to drink and got to talking about relationships and then Y/N started talking about you. At first she was all giddy and happy but then she started getting herself worked up about how perfect you are and how she doesn’t think she deserves you.”
Harry liked the thought that you liked him a little bit more than you lead on, but he didn’t like that it came at the expense of your anxiety. Anxiety you had tried so hard to overcome from previous relationships.
“Can I come over?” Harry asked, already getting himself out of bed.
Harry sat on the sofa next to you, picking you up gently so he could situate you in his lap. You didn’t take long to become comfortable, by throwing your arms around his neck and burying yourself into the safe crook of his neck.
“Ssh, shh. I’ve got you.” Harry kept repeating.
He rocked you ever so gently, just allowing you the comfort of being held.
“You’re here.” You said after you’d settled slightly.
“I’m here.”
“You’re the best.”
Harry smiled at that.
“I like to think so.”
You stroked his chin stubble, finding a strange calmness to the grizzle.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t.”
“No, but I am.”
“I don’t want you to be. Means you’re sorry about the reason you were upset in the first place and I actually quite liked the fact you maybe like me a little too much. If i’m being selfish.” Harry gave you a cheeky smirk that had you calming in an instance.
“I just got so overwhelmed.”
“I know.”
“Because… B-because….”
You looked up at Harry in his not-so-scary eyes and for once you found this part of a relationship easy.
“Go on.” He encouraged with a whisper.
“Because I love you.”
You smiled and felt your cheeks flush. Harry’s face copied your emotions and he leant down to give you a welcomed kiss.
“You love me?” He asked excitedly, kissing you again because he couldn’t deny himself.
“I do.”
“Hmm.” He giggled excitedly.
“Do you… do…”
“I love you. I love you. I fucking love you, Y/N.”
It was your turn to chuckle and let the tears well up in your eyes again.
“No, no, no. No more tears.” Harry was quick to rectify the situation by kissing you again, moulding his lips to yours like that’s what they’d been created to do.
“I feel five times more overwhelmed than I did before you arrived.” You said.
“Okaayyy…”
“But I also feel five time more safe and calm than I did before you arrived.”
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emphistic · 2 days
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If it’s okay with you, can I request modern day Sukuna comforting an overwhelmed reader who’s so stressed to the point of crying?
a/n: i, personally, am really bad at comforting others so i did a little self-projecting lmao — also, apologies to anyone who drowns in my sea of commas
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You down the rest of your energy drink before rubbing your eyes and checking the time on your phone. 10:47pm, you sighed.
This was going to be the third time in a row that you pull an all-nighter. But it was okay. Albeit thousands deep in student debt, after you get financially stable it would be okay. When you're able to sleep without worrying about loans, it would be okay. When you're able to think without another assignment getting in the way, it would be okay. When you're able to have a relaxing night to yourself, it would be okay. When the eyebags finally decide to go away, it would be okay.
It would be okay. It would be . . . okay.
Okay?
Just okay?
You didn't need 'okay'.
Completely and utterly exasperated, you didn't even notice the tears beginning to slip down your cheeks. Quickly, you moved to wipe them away with your sleeve.
You didn't need 'okay'. You needed . . .
A hand — which you figured to be belonging to your pink-haired boyfriend, Sukuna — swiftly pushed the lid of your laptop down. "You need to learn how to take a break. Relax, kid. You haven't come to bed in days, much less: slept, even." I miss you, he wanted to say, but couldn't bring himself to.
"Heyy, I was using that. Sukunaaa," you turned to look at the man, jutting your bottom lip out into a pout.
"You should be thanking me, actually. You've been practically living off caffeine," Sukuna gingerly grabbed you be the arm and peeled you off of your chair.
"You stink, by the way," Sukuna remarked.
"I'm busy, 'Kuna. I have to get back to my work, the due date is—"
"Do you ever stop talking?" Sukuna guided — more like dragged — you to your shared bedroom, and then into your bathroom, forcing you to sit on the tiled floor whilst he drew you a bath.
Your head, and the rest of your body, leaned against the tub; your eyes kept threatening to close, but you didn't let them. Instead choosing to continue staring at Sukuna's bare back and his unruly bed-hair.
He must've awoken and climbed out of bed just to come fetch you. Your heart fluttered at the thought, but you pushed it aside, thinking it too unrealistic.
Unbeknownst to you, you were actually wrong — maybe not in the way you imagined, though. He didn't wake up to fetch you because. . . He was never sleeping in the first place. The absence of you in his arms had kept him awake, staring at the desolate ceiling, tossing and turning — until he couldn't take it anymore, which leads you here: to present time.
Sukuna stopped the flow of the water, breaking you out of your thoughts; he turned towards you and squatted down to help you remove all your clothes.
He slowly lifted you into his arms and placed you into the bathtub, before moving to step out of his sweats.
To this, you raised a brow. "Huh? What are you doing?"
"You're not the only one in the house who needs to regularly bathe, duh."
Sukuna entered the tub behind you, pulling your back to his chest. You attempted to start washing yourself but Sukuna grabbed your wrist, kissing your knuckles, adding, "Let me take care of you. Just sit still and look pretty f'me."
The amount of tenderness and compassion that Sukuna used while washing you made you hum in content. While the sloshing and splashing of the water nearly lulled you to sleep — (assignments successfully long forgotten).
When you stepped out of the tub, Sukuna had to hold on to your waist just to wrap your towel around your middle, as you continued to sway in your exhaustion. Your legs could barely hold you up. And that didn't change a bit whilst the pink-haired man also helped brush your teeth.
It did help that Sukuna had forced you to lay down while he massaged you, though. He got on his knees and massaged and rubbed your feet, your back, and the rest of your sore spots.
Sukuna had never gotten on his knees for anyone — excluding carnal activities — but he would do it for you in a heartbeat. So he did. He got on his knees, for you.
Moments later, he rolled you onto your back before crawling into bed next to you. You immediately curled into his side, his arm going to wrap around your waist.
He pressed a kiss to your forehead, breathing in the scent of your lemony shampoo and whispering into your hair, "Go to sleep."
"Noo," you snuggled impossibly closer to his chest, seeking his warmth — which you obviously received.
"Idiot. Your body is practically crying out to you at this point. If you don't close your eyes, I'm going to give you a reason to." Sukuna used his middle and index finger to push your eyelids shut. You relented, quickly entering slumber land, and dreamt.
When you woke, your pink-haired hunk of a boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. Seeing your chance, you immediately stretched, yawned, and hurried over to and opened your laptop. Planning to continue where you had left off, only to find that all of your assignments had already been done: written and submitted.
Riiiight, Sukuna was not only handsome, but he was also freakishly smart. Silly you, must've forgotten.
A/N: i usually write sukuna as being a dumb, typical bad boy, but lets switch things up just this once (maybe)
Taglist: @starlets-things @sad-darksoul @mochimoee @r0ckst4rjk @lillycore @deepchromatose @yinyinyinyinyinyin @fivehoneyharg @desihopelessromantic @lich1 @hannas16 @acroso
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dontyouworrydaddy · 9 hours
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chapter 1 ~tɦe ɾiνeɾ wɦeɾe we ɱet
⭒❃.✮:▹ a Simon Riley series   ◃:✮.❃⭒
- series masterlist
It had been a very stressful day for you. Your day didn’t go as you planned. Rude customers, your chef wasn’t in a good mood and the fact that you’re understaffed makes it even worse. Working overtime, even when you’re sick.
And the only time you let yourself and your mind get a little peace is when you go to the lake deep in the dark woods. You were convinced that nobody knew this place. I mean a normal person with a healthy mind would never even think about going through the dark forest just to chill near the river.
It’s beautiful. The only sound you hear is the water running by and the birds singing in the wind. It’s 7pm and the sun begins to melt. It couldn’t be more beautiful. You’re mind is finally shutting down and giving you peace for just a few hours before you enter the overwhelming and crazy world again. It’s just you and the nature for now.
You discovered this place when you were a wild teenager 10 years ago. After a fight with your parents you just ran. Ran deep in the woods and hoping that the nature would swallow you alive. But instead you were greeted with peace. A natural stress reliever. Since then it’s always been your comfort place. Nobody knew this place, not even your friends. This is the only you zone.
It was overwhelming again and you needed to escape. So you did what you did best. Grab a book and just go to your comfort zone. But as soon as you arrived, you were greeted with someone.
This someone was sitting, with their cap on, not facing you. This person was huge, probably all muscles. Sitting near the river and swinging with a stick in the water while humming a song. A song that you knew aswell.
"different by avenoir?" you curiously ask but instead with a normal reaction, this person threw the stick at you and immediately got up.
"Fucking hell…" you wince in pain as you crouch down a little. Whatever this man’s job is… it’s definitely not a normal one. A normal human cannot cause this kind of pain by just throwing a stick.
"Bloody hell… You scared the shit out of me." This someone says with a deep voice. This someone was a man who was covering this face.
"You trying to kill me? In my spot?" you whisper and it’s crystal clear that you’re still in pain. Not even period cramps are this bad. From this moment on, you‘re never going to complain about them ever again. Actually you’re going to apologize for ever complaining about them. "Your spot? Excuse me? Does your name stand here somewhere?" he says with humor in his voice. You stand up straight again and look him dead in this man‘s honey brown eyes. It’s the only thing you can see. Even his hands are covered in gloves.
"No but it’s always been me here. And I‘m guessing today is my last day being alive. Because you look like you‘re about to murder someone and this someone might be me. You got the power too, soooo…" you tell this man and all he does is looking at you like you just told him a super undercover government secret.
"What? Why would I murder you. I‘m just here to clear my head." this man says and by the way his eyes moved, you can tell this man doesn’t know how to behave or what to say. He is just as confused as you are.
"So why the mask then? Especially the gloves. You expect me to believe you? At least let me listen to the water running a marathon before I die" you tell him your last wish.
"What? Water running a marathon? You confuse me more than any mission instruction I ever got. Can’t you communicate like a normal person??" This strange man asks you and you just turn away from him. "Yes, the water is running a marathon. And yes, I can communicate like a normal person. How else would I be able to talk to you, strange murderer. Tell me, do you always talk this much before you kill your victim?" as you end your sent you gain a sigh out of this huge man. You just know that he is on the verge of tears because of you.
"Oh my god. I am not a murderer. If it calms you down, I work in the military. Task Force 141, if it helps you sleep better at night." he says and he isn’t quite sure why he did that. He never talks about his work. He isn’t quite sure why he said that just to calm you down. A total stranger.
"Yes and I work for the Nasa. That’s exactly what a murderer would say." you mess with him. Something inside of you is telling you that this man needs as much help as you do. And he definitely doesn’t give off murderer vibes. He looks like he could kill someone. Maybe he did… who knows.
"I‘m serious. Look." he takes out a batch out of his pocket and shows you his proof. And indeed, he holds the Lieutenant rank in the Military for the Task Force 141.
You grew up hating the military because it took away your father. The loss of your father, KIA in a mission, caused you loose both your parents. Your mother was just… mentally not there. She always told you how sorry she is for not being able to look after you just like she used to do. And you don’t blame her. She lost the only person that saw her in every way possible.
"Another one of you. Time to mention that I despise you military guys" you said out of anger. You know that the military is just here to protect the country. And you used to adore them for their bravery. But ever since your dad got taken away… you just felt hate. Hate towards the people who took him from you, hate against the world, hate for him and basically anything that involves violence.
"Huh? Why?" This man says with actual interest. He wants to know why you hate the military. Everyone praises them for their service and for the first time in a long time he hears this.
"None of your business stranger." your voice turned cold towards him. You always hoped to find it inside you to forgive the world and the people in it for taking away your hero. Your father. But as each day passes, the hate only grows. It makes you miss all the screaming matches you shared with your father.
"Simon. My name’s simon riley. Everyone in base calls me ghost." Simon starts. He kinda feels like your hate towards the military is because something happened in your life. And he is totally right.
"Okay, Simon. I‘m Y/N. Y/N L/N." you tell him too.
"wait… you’re the daughter of f/n?" he asks you with genuine interest in his voice. You turn to look at him. "You know him?" you ask him. "The man that walked into a burning building just to save the people inside? How does someone not know him? Our captain talks about him sometimes… is he the reason why you hate the military?" Simon is shocked about his sudden behavior. Why does he care? Why does he keep talking to this woman he just met. What if it’s a trap? What if-
"Yeah. You can say that… You must be old old if you know him" you joke. It’s been 24 years since you lost your dad. You were 5, waiting for him to return, but he never did…
"Nah. I‘m 37. But I heard of him from the news." when I was also about to join , is what he wanted to add. You would have guessed him younger than he actually is. 37, you think. He is pushing his 40s. And you’re 29.. But why do you even cate about the age difference? It’s not like you’re ever gonna see hin again, right?
wrong.
"So… why are you here?" he asks just to cut the uncomfortable silence between the two of you. "Trying to get my mind off of some things. Why are you here? And why have I never seen you here before?" you ask him. It’s a strange thing that you have never seen him before.
"Well, I was just walking around and saw this beautiful place. Thought I‘d stop by. And now I‘m here." he answers your question. You look at him for a moment and then turn back to watch yourself on the surface of the water running by. "Are you always here?" he asks. He wants to know if he’s ever going to see you again. Because something inside of him tells him that he needs to get to know you better.
"Yeah, most of the time." you don’t look up at him as you answer his question. But Simon gets an idea. It’s going to cause for him to get out of his comfort zone. He doesn’t even know why he wants to keep talking to you. I mean, he just met you. But it feels like his heart is telling him to keep talking to you. His heart tells him to get to know you better. "Why don’t we meet again in two weeks, the same time and same day?" he suddenly said and he can feel his face burning under his mask. He starts feeling stuff he never felt before. This feels so strange for him.
"Why two weeks?" you ask him and finally look at his face again. For a moment, Simon forgot how to talk again. He felt like he lost his ability to talk again. You shake your head and wait for an answer, causing him to gain the ability to talk again.
"Deployment. I‘m not here in England for two weeks"
"okay. See you in two weeks, Simon 'Ghost' Riley" you pat his shoulder as you walk past him. He stands there, still, trying to process what just happened.
"Holy fuck" he mutters under his breath. He just wanted to go on a walk and now he has a 'date' in two weeks. The antisocial man did this.
Now he cannot wait for the day to arrive.
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ihearnocomplaints · 4 months
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I point you all to my ko-fi page once more -> link
my parents, enraged that I didn’t sort a massive mound of clothes yesterday (after doing the other chores they asked), essentially decided they are going to start charging me rent.
So this is just in preparation for that moment when they do start asking. I’m still trying to save up to move out. It’s not a huge deal yet (idk how much they’re going to charge) so there’s no pressure to donate.
I work a full time job so I can’t really give much in return. But I can take doodle requests upon proof of donation! I’ll doodle any DCA you want.
Thanks.
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... why he sit like this
#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little#rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo#cats#It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually#getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol#Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime#I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad.#Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering#all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty#e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time#that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense#that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh#I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol#which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything#I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still#recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually#slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.'#ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever#reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished#any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky#and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly#going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et#etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make#stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin#.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care#and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists.#take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc#ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it#82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol......#ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol
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caffeinatedopossum · 1 year
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I don't understand why it's generally not socially acceptable to recognize your good qualities. Like I don't understand why it's bad to be a show-off or a know-it-all or to brag. Like I think most people know "those things = bad" but not why.
It also seems like people are always either waaaaay into one end of the scale where they are just so unbearably full of themselves and have preposterously high self esteem (and most people act like this is fine too? Like a lot of celebrities and white men specifically seem to be like this) and I don't understand why so many people respect them then. Or they're the complete opposite with self esteem way too low despite the fact that they have redeeming qualities.
I feel like maybe the reason it's considered bad to brag is because you might 'make' other people feel inadequate but see that seems like a stupid reason to me because the problem then is not that you stated an opinion of your own self worth but is actually that everyone else is conditioned to compare themselves to each other in a very unhealthy way. And I think instead of discouraging people from opening up about what they take pride in, what they like about themselves, what makes them feel happy or content or confident, maybe we could just be discouraging people from viewing those things as personal threats? Idk just trying to formulate some thoughts on this
#idk why but this feels like a very convoluted topic#like so many people are probably coming from different starting positions on this than i am and im afraid that might#make it be misinterpreted or something#like i feel like there definitely is a balance where some self esteem is too little and some is too much#it just feels like it is exceedingly rare to find anyone with ideal realistic self esteem and idk why#i also dont mean this in a way to say that every action is the responsibility of the people taking offense either#because obviously thats not how that works. its understandable to demand a certain amount of respect#and to accept that your words (even the ones you say about yourself) could negatively impact other people#and thats not necessarily on them for being defensive#idk social concepts are strange and foreign to me so im still figuring this stuff out and through an autistic lense to boot#so sometimes i feel a bit like im conducting a study or an experiment more than writing a blog post#im just trying to understand people because i need to#it seems like the overwhelming majority of allistics have absolutely no interest in why they do the things that they do#so i have to go around experimenting instead of asking direct questions about this stuff#because when i do ask direct questions they look at me like i just asked them if the sky is actually blue or if its just gasses up there#in case you are not the most common dimwit. the sky is both of those things. however when you ask someone a question#phrased like that about a topic they dont want to admit they dont know about. they will usually avoid the question or answer absurdly#its actually kinda funny you should try it sometime#now im distracted because i dont know enough about how the sky works and i need to know#anyways gonna go down a research rabbit hole methinks
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beautifel · 6 months
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seems like my heart does nothing but break lately
#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level#for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her#still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions#Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later#jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this#not fair not fair at all this is evil#and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences#i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it#i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity#is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike#Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to you😂😂😂😂😂😂#AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED 😃😃😁😁😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪#at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even#LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it#what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol#hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather#kms than tell u how i know 😂. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter#how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there#n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng#or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak#n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own#well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her
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starbuck · 4 months
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i have so much love in my heart it’s unreal
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musical-chick-13 · 5 months
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Can somebody please explain to me what the appeal of vampires is.
#I'm genuinely curious#people seem to go absolutely feral over this concept and I want to KNOW I want to UNDERSTAND#and there are some really excellent vampire aus that I love and I want to love them MORE because I want to GET IT™#because all I see are like...societally conventionally attractive people with fangs. who maybe (depending on The Lore™)#can't go out in the sun. and that just...doesn't resonate with me?#like I understand metaphors for 'othering' and the concept of monstrosity but I feel like that gets a little lost if there isn't anything#actually UNPALATABLE about them. like if they just look like what we culturally have idealized in human appearance then how can#they serve as a metaphor for ostracization or being misunderstood?#is it primarily an aesthetic thing? is it a *danger is sexy* thing?#but ordinary humans can be plenty dangerous too (see: 90% of the female characters I'm obsessed with)#so is it in the sense of you can vicariously experience that danger and heightened emotion in a situation that's removed from reality#so it feels less overwhelming when you're watching/reading the piece of fiction???#like I have seen this used effectively as a metaphor for marginalization (undead murder farce) and an exploration of how society#defines a 'monster' (shiki) but that doesn't seem to be the way most people or works engage with this concept#is it just that people like when characters are covered in blood because I DO understand that one lmao#I just feel like vampires have been branded as a Key Aspect of Bisexual/Gay Culture and I feel like I am on a separate plane of existence#because It Is Not Clicking For Me#(tbh I feel like there are a lot of Quintessential Queer Experiences™ that don't apply to me but. that's a whole separate thing.)#ANYWAY would love to hear people's thoughts!#I am cooking up a Meta Post™ about fandom reaction to the concept of monstrosity and I want to gather as much information as possible
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me, every night for the past three weeks: oh im feelin good rn! and i had a good day today!! im definitely not gonna lie awake filled with anxiety and dread over my future tonight :D
me, lying in bed 20 minutes later looping famous last words: by talos this cant be happening
#its like im fine literally all day qnd then i start to get ready for bed and the Dread sets in#like its an actual physical feeling in my stomach and i just suddenly out of nowhere have to hold myself back from crying#i literally go from perfectly happy to on the verge of tears in an INSTANT and idk whats causing uty#it#like i know broadly ehat the causes are but idk whats causing the specific switch at night#am i tired?? is it just bc im tired??? bc its not consistently at the same time and most of the time i dont *feel* tired#or is it just like. i knoe im going to bed so i know im gonna be alone with my thoughts and so they all come and hit me at once???#idk idk idk i just know i hate it and i want it to stop i want everything to fucking stop#id say i need a minute to breathe but really ive been using the past four months as my minute to breathe & thats part of the fucking problem#because ive been putting this all off for so long bc its so overwhelming but now theres so much igotta do and theres real tangible deadlines#so i cant keep putting it off but i DO and its just making it all even more overwhelming and my parents arent fucking helping#but its not even their fault because im chosing not to talk to them about this bc talking to them about it makes it all real#and i dont want it to be real yet im not fucking ready for it to be real yet i just need a goddamn minute TO FUCKING BREATHE#i wish i could freeze time and just give myself a day where none of this matters#actually a days not long enough i think i need like. two weeks. two weeks for me to get my shit together where none of this bullshit exists#and i can just do whatever i want and not have to think about deadlines and decisions and the fact that this is all ive wanted since the#7th fucking grade and now that its actually here i cant fucking stomach the thought of it being real because im a goddamn coward who cant#fucking commit to anything or get themself to DO anything and i know its not really my fault bc i probably have adhd and i get#knocked off my ass with a migraine every ither fucking day but i still feel like i should be more prepared for this than i am#and im not prepared and im not ready and i cant get myself ready because i cant do things like this myself because i dont really want to be#doing them at all#like sure! the bitch can write a 400+ page fanfiction no fucking problem!! they can find time for that but a college essay?? even finding#schools to apply too???? dont be fucking ridiculous they cant even get half an app done in the time it takes them to write a two 6k chapters#delete later
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meatlessmcmuffin · 6 months
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twitter suspends me for "violent speech" seconds after i make a joke about tapeworm physiology but the overwhelming amount of people who responded to wednesdays shooting by blaming lewistons somali community are just fine? fuck offff
#like getting suspended was funny for a second and then i remembered the actual droves of violent speech under headlines whilei was trying to#make sure my classmate and her children were safe and checking in with my coworkers who go to lewiston auburn all the time.#when the pictures came out immediately somebody expressed disappointment that he wasnt black#every other comment stated “hes obviously middle eastern look he has middle eastern features” on a super blurry security cam screenshot.#im so sick of it. people died. we lost 4 members of the deaf community and at least 2 more were injured. one of the victims was 14 years ol#this is jjust i mean. on top of horrific zionist comments that go undetected because people controlling media and censorship just dont care#and actively promote israel propoganda and censorship of palestinian voices and resistance#sorry my thoughts are all oer the place. i am trying to continue to spread awareness and updates on palestine but this shooting happened#literally less than half an hour from where i live and work. lewistons community is intertwined with my daily life so i will be pretty voca#about it on top of sharing as much as i can on palestine#okay also to clarify i do not want to suggest what happened here is more important than what is going on in gaza rn.#i do not want to draw attention away from this genocide and i firmly believe focusing as much energy as possible into spreading awareness a#and donating/protesting/campaigning anything whatever is possible is most important right now.#overwhelmed as i am by the tragedy in my community it will never stop me from advocating for palestines freedom. i do not believe anyone#not directly affected has a right to “take a break” from this issue
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milkweedman · 1 year
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Accidentally made coffee with about 8-10 times the ideal amount of grounds (its technically drinkable but only with an absurd amount of 1/2 & 1/2 and even then it still tastes very bad) but ! I did at least manage to weigh down my warp for the last little bit. Only one side of the connectors snapped so it was all lopsided, and once i hit the tape i either had to detatch the apron bar and do this or tie it back down but with the exact matching length with a warp still attached, and this seemed a lot easier. Downside is that i have to pull the loom forward so i can fit back there and remove all the weights every time i need to advance the warp, but still. Theres only the smallest bit left.
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isitthemoon · 7 months
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I don't know what's going on with me and why I haven't interacted much here and why i haven't done things i used to enjoy even if i want to
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widevibratobitch · 2 months
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aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.
#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol#anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly#but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size#acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years#and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating#(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive#when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well#and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom#and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao#like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is#anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333#god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by#but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr#anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.
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girlwiththegreenhat · 2 months
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you ever hate on something you've never played/watched/read for what are still moderately good reasons given the circumstances, and then decide to go and play/watch/read the thing just to be fair. just to give it a chance
and then you were not only Right but its Worse Somehow and you're actually just more pissed off now
#liz blogs#vocaloid#this post is about project se\\kai. what a garbage ass replacement of project diva oh my god#i dont care about any of these random ass teenagers why does my vocaloid game have all these other guys in it#why are there 238928934 currencies why does it take so long to unlock new songs its just all too much and so convoluted#i wanted a rhythm game not a rhythm game that takes a backseat to visual novel and gacha game and watch 3298 ads#GET THIS OTHER BULLSHIT OUTTA HERE#i thought rhythm game on a touchscreen was a bad enough idea but i wanted to be FAIR because project diva doesnt get updated anymore#even though that was THE vocaloid game for a fucking decade and they replaced it with hot flaming dogshit oh my god#its just every other fucking mobile game im gonna start biting people#im in my Hater Year but i'm actually fucking right about everything aaaAAAAAAAAA#and look. i didn't play it for too long because it was just too fucking annoying and overwhelming. but it seems like you can only#play x amount of songs in a day before you run out of energy. which you need to Buy#you get more when you level up! it recharges! but it seems that it takes longer and longer to do that#thts the only Complaint i have that i cant actually verify because i would need to play longer and i am Not doing that#but if im right. thats the biggest load of shit of all#just go back to making project diva games. let me pay for the game so i can play interrupted without all this other BS in my face#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#the like... two little visual novel bits i saw that Just had vocaloids in them were cute. i will be real with u. but who are these like#six teams of random ass teenagers i dont know and dont care about. why did u put non vocaloids in da vocaloid game. are you nuts#maybe i just need to figure out how to mod project diva cuz at this point lord knows theyre not doing anything else with it#if you wanted to have other characters sega do u know how many Other vocaloids there are. you didnt have to invent random boring teenagers#pullin a fuckin transformers and backseating your Title Characters to a bunch of random ass humans im not here for#except you charlie watson from bumblebee i love you mwah
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oglegoggle · 2 months
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I feel like I want to go home but I don’t have one of those. I want to be near my best friend. I’m frightened by rampant and violent transphobia in our culture. I’m somewhere safe and secure but I feel vulnerable. I want to hide. I want to be left alone. I want to be near others. Everyone is so distracted and overwhelmed by life. I feel invisible. I want to be held.
#this is goggles#that’s the crux that never quite goes away#I want to be held so very much it’s like the thread my sanity hangs onto#I miss my habibi#but I also feel like I’m starting to get overwhelmingly needy#I feel like I need to be more aloof as not to be demanding and bothersome#I get more obsessed with partners way more than they do me and it’s just like a recurring thing I know I have to dial back to be paletable#it would feel nice to receive the kind of obsession I dish out#I don’t quite understand why I’m so different I kinda hate it about myself quite a lot#I just want to be held everything melts away into quiet peace when I’m held but just laying around snuggling for hours is massively boring#my body hurts so much less it’s like signifigant I don’t understand why it’s so signifigant#my right shoulder and my lower ribs and my neck especially#I wish my body wasn’t like this it continues to feel like a character flaw that I need to overcome#I want to find a doctor I can trust again but I’m more than a little bit overwhelmed by the prospect and mistrustful and vulnerable#Find some kind of magical way that I can make my body quit hurting#mend where I broke my ribs a couple years ago and find the source of the mystery organ pain and whatever happened to my shoulder#I wish I were building a house right now with funky 70s interior design#I wish I could afford to build a house#I wish I could force myself to just shut up and work some shitass job doing nothing of use like trading stocks and make bank and build#I feel antsy like I want to run again but I don’t actually I am perfectly content vibing right here#I can’t just keep running espesh with the fucky paperwork on my van#I am so tired of driving it’s so stressful#the road trip out here was notably brutal on me in a way no other road trip has been before#I miss my best friend I’m trying so hard to be patient for their arrival here#but some gnawing anxiety in my brain worries that they’ll put it off indefinitely and eventually back out#my own insecurity screaming that I’m not worth the massive life altering changes that moving out here with me would bring#my insecurity screaming that I’m not good enough#screaming that I’m too difficult and needy and strange and clingy and demanding and ill put together and chaotic and messy#I feel like I’m barely keeping it together I feel like I’m always teetering on the edge of total and complete life shattering failure#Like everyone around me only barely tolerates my presence and will throw me away and chase me off on a whim
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