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cybernaght · 3 years

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Guardian rewatch: episode 7

The world’s most amicable mugging continues in this episode, as Shen Wei waits for Zhao Yunlan to spring into his defence as his personal knight in shining armour. Or, as the official subtitle of the episode states:

I kid you not. Here’s the original with the alternate translation.

I am once more very much not mad at it.

I say that Shen Wei’s mugging is amicable, but that is of course is before one of the “gangsters” tries to grab at his Pendant of Pining. “It’s not something that you people can touch”, he states, easily restraining the man’s wrist. He’s not losing his composure just yet, but his warrior’s stance is showing, and he comes pretty close to breaking cover.

Thankfully, this is when Zhao Yunlan shows up to intervene. Hearing him approach, Shen Wei’s first priority is hiding the Pendant of Pining. His second priority is straightening his collar and tightening his tie. Shen Wei may be in a middle of an attempted mugging, but he’d be damned if he allows Zhao Yunlan to see him dishevelled. Come to think of it, it’s kind of hilarious that Shen Wei’s attempt at pretending to be a poor helpless human includes being completely nonplussed by being attacked. Surely freaking out a little would be an infinitely less suspicious choice.

Yunlan politely but firmly pushes the professor aside, and Shen Wei waits patiently next to the wall, neatly folding his hands the same way he did at the unpleasant councillor meeting in the previous episode.

Here we finally see that Zhao Yunlan is pretty impressive in hand to hand combat. This man may not have a sword, but he can easily knock two dudes out with three moves. Again, this is a very short, but pretty damn flawless little piece of choreography. Zhao Yunlan’s fighting prowess is even more accentuated with a gleeful adrenaline-filled grin he breaks into after he’s done. I understand Shen Wei’s endless desire to protect the man he’s devoted to, but, honestly, it’s nice to see Zhao Yunlan not really needing protection - not against simple street crime at least.

Shen Wei proceeds to calmly dust off his discarded briefcase. Zhao Yunlan proceeds to retrieve the other man’s watch from the ground and then passes it on. With physical contact. Should I be obsessing over how their fingers linger together for a second? Maybe not. I am doing it anyway.

“What a coincidence”, deadpans Shen Wei, who knows for the fact that the other man is tailing him, and causes a delightful burst of faux outrage in response.

“What are you implying?”, Zhao Yunlan asks innocently, deflecting further by inquiring whether Shen Wei thinks he staged this little rescue mission. He follows it with “Only you’re allowed to be here this time of night?”, which I choose to read as, “Really, Shen Wei. Why do you think you should have a monopoly on stalking in this relationship?”

As the two are distracted by the low key flirting, one of the muggers makes an opportunity attack on Zhao Yunlan. Shen Wei is alarming Yunlan to this with genuine worry, but does not lose his composure enough to intervene.

We are treated to another excellent three moves, which are block-break-backfist. Well mixed sound helps, but Bai Yu does look very good as well. The footage does not appear sped up at all, but his movements are fast and crisp, he’s engaging his whole body, everything lands well angle-wise, it’s appropriately safe... Again, I cannot fault this at all. Bai Yu is not physically strong, and this just goes to show that you don’t need a lot of muscle to look like you can be an effective fighter. I don’t want to go into long detail on western media’s obsession with unrealistic physical standards in action media, but suffice it to say that it’s an unhealthy and pointless aesthetic choice which has nothing to do with reality of combat performance - as this scene clearly illustrates. (Look. As I said, stage violence is one of my jobs, and I’m a curvy woman who spends a lot of her time with insecure young actors and drama students. I have opinions.)

Having fended off the attack, Zhao Yunlan exaggerates the situation with the proverb “talking too much will get you killed.” Shen Wei is obviously distressed over his choice of words, but he looks down to hide it.

At this point the two decide to go home instead of getting the street criminals off the street.

Zhao Yunlan follows Shen Wei into his flat, pretending very loudly that he has not seen this place before. He is trying way too hard. And there is a touch of a naughtily feline glimmer in his eyes, because he is probably still on that adrenaline rush: his heart would be pounding, senses elevated, brain basking in a pleasant sharpness akin to a sugar rush, when everything is a little bit too saturated. And an attractive mysterious man he just saved is asking him to stay. Zhao Yunlan’s going to have even less brain to mouth filter here than he usually does.

Shen Wei is getting a first aid to kit to treat Zhao Yunlan’s injuries. It’s anyone’s guess why the self-healing Envoy needs a first aid kit at all - it lives in a Tupperware box as well, suggesting that it’s been assembled and organised by hand rather than store bought.

Sitting down, and tucking his tie in (because neatness is everything), Shen Wei prepares to administer a mysterious ointment to Zhao Yunlan’s bruise, and states that this is him giving Chief Zhao an opportunity for interrogation. I bet he has got a lie prepared for any question, because this situation has definitely been pre-planned.

Instead of probing the other man, Zhao Yunlan offers him a job. Shen Wei’s answer is a firm no, which he utters without even a second hesitation. To Zhao Yunlan, this clearly reads as a rejection, as his face crumbles.

He livens up however, when Shen Wei hurries to add that this is not a denial of help or cooperation. Zhao Yunlan is right to ask why he would take the job then case; this is an entirely reasonable question. I’m guessing, Shen Wei’s reluctance comes from his unwillingness to compromise Hei Pao Shi’s position, rather than an attempt to prevent Zhao Yunlan from getting involved in the cosmic shitstorm which is currently brewing: as the Lord Guardian, he’s gonna get right in the middle of said storm either way.

“You just move in and didn’t invite your neighbour over for some fun?”, Zhao Yunlan asks.

Laying it on really thick, I see.

Shen Wei blinks disbelievingly, as if to say “did he just…?” then recovers enough to huff out a laugh.

“My mistake. Next time, I’ll properly invite you.”

Zhao Yunlan snaps his fingers in delight, visibly vibrating with joy. In his head this is Yunlan - 1: Xiao Wei - 0.

As Shen Wei starts to apply the mysterious ointment, Zhao Yunlan flinches, and Shen Wei is genuinely taken aback by an idea that he might hurt this man. He is so preciously startled for a second, shedding ten thousand years in an instant. I am never going to not be impressed by Zhu Yilong’s ability to switch into Baby Shen Wei mode in a matter of seconds.

“I didn’t expect you to have such skilful hands.”

Zhao Yunlan’s charm attack truly is unrelenting, and Shen Wei looks up with such a fragile hope in his eyes. He has lived a long time now, and he has learned to maintain thick walls around himself, but he is still incredibly affected by Kunlun’s shameless flirting.

Continuing his charm offensive, Zhao Yunlan gets so distracted by trying to further impress Shen Wei, he unwittingly reveals that he knows the layout of this flat. And realises what he said. And hopes that the other man had not noticed, adorably brushing his nose in embarrassment.

He dug this one out for himself, and Shen Wei is far from mortified: he is pleased to have caught the other man out. Zhao Yunlan flails, and Shen Wei quite literally is failing to wipe a smug smile off his own face.

He’s not even really waiting for an explanation. He’s just happy to win this round. There is even a little “yeah sure let’s pretend I believe you” tilt of the eyebrow, when Yunlan finally comes up with something that sounds as a reasonable excuse.

After his massive blunder, Zhao Yunlan tries to leave again. Shen Wei stops him, again, and there is no limit to how slyly Zhao Yunlan turns around, followed by a hind of disappointment when all he gets is an ointment, and not, you know, an opportunity to have a good look around Shen Wei’s bedroom.

Shen Wei is left alone in his flat in a state of utter emotional overload, stroking the Pendant under his shirt.

Let’s disregard for a second the fluctuating length of the chord the Pendant hangs on (is it between his collar bones or in front of his breastbone? Pick one!), and just appreciate the pining. Shen Wei is going through a lot of feelings since his Kunlun’s returned into his life, and sometimes computing is not an option.

In the next scene, the muggers are discussing Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan, calling them both too formidable to even attempt an act of revenge against them. Definitely a wise idea. Unfortunately for them, they immediately get attacked by… something.

Spoiler alert: no, it’s not a bear.

It’s the White Shirt Day at the SID. Chu Shuzhi is the only one not participating. In this scene, we discover that Lin Jing likes a horror web novelist called Lai Su - which will be very convenient for the case at hand. During their conversation, Wang Zheng alerts he team to the new case, asking for the whereabouts of their boss. Zhu Hong’s reply is that who knows which old pal the man is hang out with. As we never see him having any friends outside of his job, I choose to believe that he is probably hanging out with Shen Wei; quite possibly exploring the layout of his bedroom. Especially considering how good his mood is as he strolls into the office announcing that he is going to buy a feast for everyone.

Unfortunately, the feast has to wait. Zhao Yunlan, Chu Shuzhi and Xiao Guo head towards the crime scene, which is the very same alley the mugging took place the night before.

“Based on my experience, he died from freezing.”

There has never been a more apt reason to use the phrase “no shit Sherlock”.

Apparently, there is a cctv camera trained right on this very particular dark alley. Which implies that the muggers were even less professional than they appeared to be at the beginning of the episode. Mysteriously, the footage fails to show the actual monster who attacked the poor unfortunate street criminals. It did, on the other hand, capture Zhao Yunlan’s dashing rescue of Professor Shen.

Zhao Yunlan can’t exactly stop his team from rewinding the footage, so he is just left squirming as those around him gape at him spending time with Shen Wei in the middle of the night.

“You... and Shen Wei? This late at night?”

Chu Shuzhi’s transition from disbelief to a knowing “ah” via a mischievous smirk is particularly amusing.

The following afternoon, Zhu Hong appears in Shen Wei’s office, laptop in hand. She is quietly furious at being given this task; as I imagine it is very awkward indeed to be a laptop carrier for your crush’s crush. The entire scene she will be alternating between glaring, rolling her eyes, pursing her lips, and glaring with even more venom.

After Shen Wei gets over his initial bafflement at technology, he realises that Zhao Yunlan is video calling him in order to ask for his expertise on the current case. For the most of this scene the call looks like some sort of fake generic video conference software, apart from some shots on the SID side which very obviously show a pre-recorded footage being played: with a pause button, and a time stamp, and everything.

Shen Wei is in full trolling mode when he educates the SID team on all the types of bears that could have attacked the victim. He tasted this feeling of outsmarting Yunlan the night before and it’s too sweet to let go. Judging by the fact that Da Qing, who is by Zhao Yunlan’s side, is falling asleep during this conversation, we can guess that it’s been going on for a while.

Zhao Yunlan knows that Shen Wei is trying to prove a point here - he will not be bullied into being a consultant. So, Zhao Yunlan changes tactics, and asks Shen Wei for clues as a friend. Shen Wei assures Zhao Yunlan in turn that he would never hide anything important from. The magnitude of this particular lie is immeasurable, unless Shen Wei considers turning himself into a literal suicide bomb inconsequential. Which, to be fair, he might do.

Finally, Da Qing wakes up and suggests that the suspect is a Youchu (translated in subs a “secluded beast”). He is not correct, but it is important that we know what those are, because we’ll see them in a couple of episodes - so it actually makes sense to write them in here.

Shen Wei instantly comes forward, fishes a relevant file out of his drawer, and educates the team on that particular monster. Zhao Yunlan relates that he is familiar with those, and that he knows Hei Pao Shi fought them before in nearby cities.

Existence of aforementioned nearby cities will remain a beautiful enigma, which will never be explained. Seastar will remain very much a Little Prince-sized planet.

At this point Zhao Yunlan gets a call about the other mugger being found, and Shen Wei tells him in a rush that he does not think those two men possess Undergrounder qualities.

When asked however what those qualities are, he does not elaborate, and, after a thick silence, Zhao Yunlan sighs in resignation and finally lets Shen Wei off the hook, assuring him that he knows not all Undergrounders are monsters. He knows - of course he knows - that Shen Wei is hiding stuff. He knows the other man is somehow invested in the Undergounders, and is probably is one himself. Once again he chooses to trust him absolutely. I know it feels like I say those words every single episode, but this is also the choice Zhao Yunlan makes, deliberately, every single episode. This conversation will leave Zhao Yunlan very cranky for the remainder for the case, but his willingness to keep giving Shen Wei concessions is actually really sweet.

Shen Wei asks, perhaps, impulsively, that Yunlan shares his findings with him, because he is curious who the culprit is. It makes, as ever, little sense for him to do so considering that he would find it out anyway as Hei Pao Shi.

After completing her mission, Zhu Hong leaves in a huff. She did not say hello and she does not say goodbye either. Shen Wei tries to wave amicably, but aborts the gesture.

He does not yet know - and will not find out for quite some time - why Zhu Hong feels so antagonistic towards him.

Next stop: the hospital ward with a now insane criminal. Portrayal of mental health issues on this show is... interesting, by which I mean terribly stigmatising. I would have understood if this was a magic-induced psychosis, but I don’t think that’s the case at all.

Lin Jing realises that the case sounds very much like the web horror novel he likes. It sounds insane, but Yunlan hears him out. The scientist goes into great detail over the author, revealing that he was a leader of his fan club at some point, and detailing several murders from his recent novel that appeared to have have happened in reality.

The team moves on to scout the author’s - Lai Su’s - house, with Zhao Yunlan being the one to approach it. He then proceeds to summon his team via a non-existent radio.

Look. There is no mouth piece on this jacket. There is no earpiece in his ear. There are no wires. None of the team have radios. None of them even look like they are listening to radios. (Trust me, the “please shut up for a second, someone is speaking into my ear” is a recognisable look). Guardian’s writers/directors. Mah dudes. If you can’t afford radios, just make him do a non-verbal signal, seriously. Same effect, with much less silliness, and no continuity issues.

Before the team enters the house, we see Ya Qing in crow form for the first time. Even without the benefit of hindsight, it’s easy to recognise that the crow will become narratively significant because she is animated, and this show would not waste its very scarce and rapidly depleting CGI budget in vein.

We also know that the crow is a Yashou because Lin Jing starts talking about Zhu Hong at that exactly moment. Guardian is many wonderful things - it’s dramatic, breathtaking, heart-wrenching, and poignant - but subtle it is not.

Inside the house, they discover a secret room, which Lai Su is hiding in, and we finally get to meet our unfortunate culprit.

It is very peculiar how mean-spirited this episode seems to be. The web novelist in question is shown in an unequivocally negative light. He is a coward hiding behind a blanket, a weirdo living in a secret room, a glutton stuffing his face with snacks and drinking wine. He is shown as too vain to stop chasing clout even when he suspects that his novel is leading to people dying. He writes for attention and money rather than out of genuine artistic expression. He is a whimpering mess, begging Lin Jing on his knees to speak to the Chief on his behalf. Even if we consider that moral of the story (as stated later in Guo Changcheng’s diary note) is “internet bad”, this insistence of making Lai Su so unmistakably despicable is baffling. The series is based on the web novel. What kind of message is this sending about its origins?

On the bright side, I suppose it is nice that part of this episode not revolving around Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei’s relationship is actually rather Lin Jing-centric. So far, he was mostly there for occasional tech support and countless shots of him of screaming at a computer, but here we get to know more about him, and he goes on a little emotional journey of his own - meeting his idol and being distraught by the author not living up to expectations. It is always so disappointing to see creators you admire being imperfect, or downright unpleasant, and it’s easy to sympathise with Lin Jing’s discontent.

Zhao Yunlan’s modus operandi has always been intuition. Looking at the author, he knows that he must be responsible for the murders, and also knows that he could not possibly have been. For once it is actually Xiao Guo who suggests the solution: multiple personality disorder. Or, magical multiple personality disorder, as it is the case. We see this click with the Chief, and he genuinely praises the young man.

Back at the house, Lai Su is deciding to stop the murder spree by writing the demise of the homicidal protagonist of his novel. This is his ultimate redemption, which also leads to his untimely death by the hands of the monster who lives within him and is manifested through his writing.

The team asks Zhao Yunlan what was going on with this strange case. They won’t get an explanation; but Shen Wei will.

Zhao Yunlan, as promised, drops by Shen Wei’s office late at night to tell him all about the case. He concludes that Lai Su must have had Undergrounder blood in him, with his power not manifesting until now. Zhao Yunlan sounds rather remorseful as he stipulates that the writer could have lived a long happy life despite his origin and abilities, had he not started unknowingly abusing his powers. This Zhao Yunlan is miles removed from the man who vowed to catch every Undergrounder, and we can see Shen Wei infinitely moved by this man’s empathy.

This, I think, is the very moment Shen Wei starts to fall in love - not with the man who was Kunlun, or the man who will be Kunlun, or the man who resembles Kunlun - with Zhao Yunlan, Lord Guardian, Chief of Special Investigations Department, with all his incessant flirting, and sharp edges, and pointed questions, and endless understanding.

In the final moments of this episode Zhao Yunlan shares a dark premonition that something truly terrible will happen in their city.

He has no idea how right he is.

Next up: Episode 8: The Morning Porridge

——

This conversation happened with my partner as I was working on this recap:

Me: … I am two scenes in and this is how much I’ve typed up already.

My partner: Honey! I know you’re Russian, but War and Peace has already been written.

#guardian #zhao yunlan #shen wei #weilan #recap #rewatch #those are getting longer and longer

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magic-and-moonlit-wings · 3 years

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Chapter 57: Gatto’s Keep

Becoming The Mask

Trollish and -text messages-

I hope we all enjoy the movie when it comes out this Wednesday! Remember, today’s the last day to start binge-watching and still have enough time to watch every episode of all three shows before the movie airs!

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Four humans, one Changeling, and two unaltered trolls were scatted around an underground library, researching notable locations around the world.

"Whoa, listen to this," said Jim. "Surrounding the Hero's Forge of Heartstone Trollmarket is a chasm known as The Deep, which was enchanted through unknown means by the Trollhunter Kanjigar the Courageous."

They were hoping to find notable mountains, in particular, but 'caverns deep' had also been mentioned in the riddle, and hey, maybe Strickler had been wrong about where the Eye was before the Changelings got it.

"Anyone cast into The Deep will suffer death at the hands of their greatest fear. It has since been used as a means of execution for particularly heinous criminals. No troll is known to have entered The Deep and lived."

Jim frowned and traced over that last sentence with his fingertip.

"How does anybody know it works if no one has ever come back?" he said. "Maybe they just die on impact after getting dropped off a cliff. Or maybe there's, like, a little society down there now and they're just choosing not to leave."

"I saw a cartoon like that once," said Toby.

"Also," Jim continued, "I understand why, if you think somebody deserves to be tortured to death, you would use magical means to get them to come up with a customized torture for themselves to maximize their suffering; but why would you kill someone, who you definitely want executed, in a way that makes it impossible to check and confirm they're dead?"

"Isn't that how oubliettes work?" said Mary.

"Good point."

"You understand torturing people to death?" said Darci.

"I understand trying to do a thing a thoroughly as it can possibly be done."

"Maybe Kanjigar pretended to enchant the place so he could have a spot no one would bother him if he wanted to get away from his job for a while," said Toby.

"Surrounded by the bodies of executed criminals?" said Darci.

"Depending on how hard they landed, they might already be gravel," said Jim. "It's a little unsettling when you know that used to be a troll, but you get used to it. Besides, Kanjigar was only Trollhunter for … what, just under a hundred and seventy years? How many 'particularly heinous criminals' could there have been down here in that time?" He turned to Blinky. "No, really, I'm asking."

"Offhand I can only think of three cases, all involving treason. Perhaps Kanjigar can explain the enchantment next time you visit the Void. Ah!"

Blinky turned his book so everyone else could see the illustrated mountain.

"Gatto's Keep! Deep in the realm of the Volcanic Trolls, in what you humans call 'Argentina', under the volcano Ojos del Salado."

"The eye of the salty?" said Claire.

"Believed to be named for the many salt deposits found on its glaciers, forming eye-like lagoons of meltwater," said Blinky, brushing the interruption off.

"Salt gets expelled through volcanic ash," said Toby. "Or chlorine gas that fuses to nitrogen later. Underwater volcanic activity is part of why the ocean is salty."

"Fortunately, this particular site is not underwater," said Blinky. "Gatto's Keep, a vault of treasures untold – treasures deemed too powerful for the underworld to possess, and kept locked up by Gatto himself."

"Have you ever met this Gatto?" asked Jim.

"Uh … no. Truth be told, I've done everything in my power to avoid him. Very few ever return from his keep."

"I see." Jim frowned down at the book in his lap. "Then maybe you guys shouldn't come."

"What?"

"Are you kidding?"

"The last time we went on a Triumbric Stone quest, a supposedly mostly safe quest, we ended up in the middle of a violent revolution!" Jim reminded them. "I'm not leading a bunch of kids somewhere I know in advance is going to be dangerous!"

"He makes a fair point," conceded Blinky.

"But you can't just go on your own!" Toby protested.

"Of course I won't. Blinky's got to drive the Gyre, and I'll bring Draal for muscle, and –" Jim cut himself off, looking quickly around the room. "Maybe someone else, but I'll have to ask. And if she can, it'll have to work around her schedule."

"You're bringing your mom?" Darci asked.

"No!" Jim recoiled from the idea. "I – Look, there's a Changeling I know who might be able and willing to help, especially for a chance at a legendary vault of forbidden treasure, but I have to ask."

Toby got out his phone and texted Jim rather than asking out loud.

-It's the museum lady, isn't it?-

Jim just glared at him. Both boys deleted the message.

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"Have you ever heard of Gatto's Keep?"

Nomura raised her eyebrow at the Trollhunter.

"Not much. It was one of the places we suspected a piece of the Bridge might be hidden, but considering it had a reputation of no one ever coming back from it, we weren't actually sure if it was real."

It was just as likely to have been an old story that got passed down until it became a figure of speech. The Janus Order’s references to it were all from before Nomura was even stationed on the surface – she'd happened upon them while on archive duty decades ago.

"Blinky says it's real." Jim shrugged. "Or at least Gatto is real, and lives in Argentina. We're planning to go see him about an artifact he might have."

"You're not looking for the Triumphant Stones, are you?" she asked. "Draal's told me that story." Years ago, back when he'd first tried to convince her to change sides. It was the closest he'd ever been to philosophical. "Building a weapon is one thing, but chasing prophecies is another."

Jim shrugged again. "If I'm going to do this, I might as well take every advantage I can. The Triumbric Stones might not be the key their reputation says, but they'll still help."

"Assuming the stones aren't just a trap that will put the Amulet under Gunmar's control."

He snorted. "Oh, come on. If they worked that way, Bular would've been the one to bring them up."

"Not if the conspiracy went deep enough." She snorted as well. "Sure, I'll help loot the place."

"If diplomacy fails," said Jim insistently. "I want to at least try cutting a deal first. When do you have time?"

"I don't work Wednesday or Thursday."

"Great. I'll text. Oh, also," he suddenly looked much more shy, "this comes with a risk of a human or several finding out about you. Still in?"

Nomura leveled a glare at Jim, letting him squirm while she thought it over. (He didn't squirm at all, the shameless wretch. Just looked at her with that stupid timid hopeful expression.)

"For a chance at a legendary treasure trove like that, I might transform in public."

Human public, where they could make up some excuse about hidden cameras and movie costumes and practical special effects, not Trollmarket public, but most Changelings wouldn't need to clarify that.

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Nomura had a duffle bag slung over her shoulder and was wearing a wide-brimmed brown fedora.

"Isn't that Stricklander's hat?"

"It's traditional garb for archeological expeditions."

"You stole it, didn't you?" His inflection made it clear this was not really a question.

"I'm going to send him a selfie and see how long it takes him to realize it's his." Nomura held her phone out and snapped a picture.

"Hi, museum lady!" Toby greeted. They were meeting in the canal. "I brought tacos!"

"… Why are we bringing him?"

Jim sighed. He hadn't wanted to, but Toby made a good argument.

"Diversity of perspective. A human might notice something a troll or Changeling would miss, just like vice versa. We don't know how organized this Gatto guy's collection is. We might have to go looking for the Birthstone."

Thankfully Claire had a 'family thing', Darci had an 'extracurricular commitment', and Mary had a date, all on Wednesday, and he had been able to get that information without revealing Thursday was also an option.

Inside, Nomura shifted to her troll form, keeping the hat showing. Toby gasped.

"You're so tall …"

"Toby, Nomura," introduced Jim. They started climbing down the glowing staircase. "Officially, she's one of Draal's old sparring buddies who's agreed to come on this mission for extra muscle."

So please do not address her as 'museum lady' where anyone can hear you.

"Isn't Draal coming too?" asked Toby.

"Which is how she got invited."

"I don't get it."

"She's going to meet Draal while you and I go to the library, and then we're all meeting up at the Gyre station."

"Why didn't she just –" Toby stopped and readdressed the question to Nomura. "Why didn't you just meet up with Draal at Jim's place?"

"I'm avoiding the chance Barbara will try asking me for life advice again," said Nomura lightly.

Jim's eyebrows went up. He hadn't questioned her suggestion to meet in the canal, but now he really wanted the story there …

"When did that happen?" asked Toby.

"We're in the same krav maga class."

Which did not completely answer the question, but Toby seemed to think it did, and Jim didn't want to push when Nomura was arguably doing him a favour.

On the one hand, he could claim to be doing her a favour, taking her along on a treasure hunt where she could sneak out an artifact or two for herself, but on the other hand, she was loaning her experience in identifying and handling ancient artifacts and dealing with stuffy curators. The situation was roughly neutral and Jim didn't want to tip it.

The walk to the library, and to the Gyre station after that, were peaceful. AAARRRGGHH accompanied them as far as the station entrance.

"Good luck," he said, tapping his horns against Blinky's, rubbing the top of Jim's helmeted head like he was fluffing his hair, and giving Toby a very gentle pat on the back.

"I will look after them," Draal promised, arriving with Nomura. "We will all return from Gatto's Keep."

"Well, now that you've said that," Nomura teased.

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Jim's first impression was that Ojos del Salado looked like a construction project was underway. Or, maybe a mining operation? The mountain was hollowed out, with another mountain inside, and the inner mountain was covered with ladders and scaffolding.

"Ugh, it's so hot," Toby complained. "I know it's a volcano, but still." He pulled at his sweater vest but didn't take it off.

The local trolls wore what looked like welding masks over their faces, and had faintly glowing orange lines carved into their skin. Two appeared to be standing guard near the Gyre station – but facing in, towards the complex, rather than outwards to new arrivals.

Very few ever return, rang loudly through Jim's mind.

"Excuse me," said Blinky to one of the sentries. "We would most graciously request an audience with Gatto."

The troll wordlessly pointed them to the top.

"Ah … thank you, kind friend."

Toby was groaning after the first few ladders. By the time they neared the top, he had stopped, probably to conserve energy – but he managed another when they realized the platform was empty.

"Where is he? They pointed 'up' but there's no more 'up' to go … Did he leave while we were climbing up here?"

Jim eyed the stone the scaffold was built by. It might be climbable. There was a long but narrow ledge about level with the platform, and a tall, V-shaped protrusion probably taller than AAARRRGGHH, and – the ledge split apart. It glowed inside.

"Who has awakened Gatto?"

The mountain-in-a-mountain opened two glowing yellow eyes. A chuckle made the platform shake.

"A human Trollhunter?" the mountain-in-a-mountain said. "How interesting. How … unique. To what do I owe this … pleasure?"

Jim cleared his throat and leaned back a little so he could look Gatto in the eye. "We've come to ask –"

One of the masked trolls arrived, pushing a wooden cart of rocks. The delivery-troll darted away just in time to avoid a massive tongue, and ran back off the platform into the lower scaffolding. Jim reflexively summoned his knives. It was difficult to will them away.

"You must excuse me," said Gatto. "I never talk business without something to eat. Go on."

"We've come for the Birthstone."

"Birthstone of Gunmar?" The mountain troll chuckled again. "Very powerful. Tell me … why should I give it to you?"

"Of course we don't expect you to just give it to us."

Jim ignored Draal's quiet, "We don't?" He took off his backpack, handed it to Blinky, and unzipped the top.

"We've come prepared to trade."

"We did?"

The first thing Jim got out was black and rectangular. Its cord was plugged into a crystal array which some trolls used to substitute for electrical outlets, to power the neon signs and Christmas lights and televisions down in Trollmarket. Blinky had one for his phone charger.

"This is an uncommon human device. You activate and deactivate it with this button here." Jim pushed the button twice, demonstrating. "By turning these knobs, it's possible to generate a custom frequency of audible static."

He put the white noise generator back in his bag, and got out a lumpy object wrapped in a towel. He draped the cloth over his shoulder and held the item where Gatto could see it.

"This is the head of Bular, son of Gunmar, taken as proof that he was slain. Proof that Gunmar's line is not unkillable."

Gatto looked intrigued. Jim rewrapped the head in the towel and switched it for a book. Blinky grimaced during the exchange.

"And this is a document stolen from a Janus Order base; an unfinished medical study of foods that provide nutrition to both humans and trolls."

He flipped through a few pages so the text was visible, proof he wasn't scamming Gatto with a blank notebook, and put it away.

"Seller's choice. Rare artifacts that carry entertainment, power, and knowledge. Which of those would you accept as payment for the Birthstone?"

"Hmm …" The mountain troll pondered the selection. "I think I will have all three. Along with the answer to a little riddle. Answer it correctly – the Birthstone is yours. Answer it incorrectly – I eat you all."

"WHAT?" Toby yelped. "Did I understand that right? Did he say 'eat'? He said 'eat'!"

"Breathe, Tobes." The Sword of Daylight was in Jim's hand. His first instinct was to pick Toby up and bolt for the Gyre. He should be strong enough for that if he switched to troll form, right?

But they needed the Birthstone …

"Master Jim, we must not enter into this binding agreement," Blinky hissed in English. "I'm beginning to catch on why so few trolls ever leave this domicile."

"We'll play!"

"Nomura?!"

"It's simple – either we figure out the riddle and he gives us the stone, or we refuse to answer, which is not technically answering incorrectly, and fight our way out."

"… When you're right, you're right," Jim agreed.

"You think you are clever," said Gatto. "So answer me this. What begins and has no end, and ends all that which begins?"

Blinky blinked, in full unison for once, all six eyes together. "… I have absolutely no idea. Those words mean nothing! Indecipherable!"

"Begins and has no end," Jim repeated to himself quietly, "and ends all that begins."

"I … don't think I can help," said Draal reluctantly. "Rocks for brains, remember?"

"Well, that attitude's not helping, for sure. Begins with no end, ends what begins …"

"School bus?" Toby guessed, switching back to English. "Uh, meatloaf? Hair?"

"Let's think logically," said Nomura, also in English. "In these situations, the answer is almost always one of four things: death, nothing, eternity, or a riddle itself." She counted them off on her fingers. "The answer to a riddle is its end. Eternity by definition doesn't have a beginning or an end. So it's either death or nothing."

"Ten more seconds," said Gatto ominously.

"You didn't tell us we were on the clock!" Blinky protested.

"What begins and has no end, but doesn't end when it begins –?" Jim punched his hand. "Shoot, that's not it! Could you repeat the question?"

"Kangaroo! Golf! Socks! Magic! Warhammer! Baby deer!"

"DEATH!" shouted Nomura. "The answer is death!"

"What?" Gatto gasped. "No one has ever answered that before … and lived to tell about it."

The celebration at getting the correct answer ended immediately.

"And that's the hazard of riddle games where the answer is death," said Nomura. "Most riddle-givers pick that answer because it's what they plan to give the riddle-solvers anyway."

The group was surrounded by four masked trolls, all armed with axes about twice the size of the hammer Toby carried.

"Your entire keep is a trap!" Blinky accused Gatto. "You hoard treasures as nothing but bait!"

"Oh, come now. A mountain has to eat, you know." He opened his mouth, like he expected them to just obediently walk in.

Jim summoned Daylight. The volcano trolls all flinched back from the burst of light.

Nomura lunged at the guard nearest to the ladder. She caught the axe between her swords and twisted it out of the masked troll's grip, flinging the weapon into Gatto's mouth – he yelped when it caught his tongue – and in the same spin she kicked the masked troll off the platform.

Draal punched a masked troll, then grabbed them and another one and bashed their heads together.

Blinky swung Jim's backpack like a flail at anyone who got too close to him. Jim heard a cracking noise, either from the head or the white noise generator, but that wasn't important.

Jim swiped a masked troll across the belly, leaving a shallow cut and causing them to bellow in pain. He threw a knife at another one that was going after Toby, who was doing his best to parry their axe strikes.

Nomura kicked another one off the platform, and Draal threw a third, but more were climbing up, and driving the group back towards Gatto's mouth.

"Get them!" Gatto egged the smaller trolls on. "Prepare the chimichurri!"

A masked troll landed a punch on Nomura and knocked her backwards into Toby. Gatto's tongue flicked out and tossed them both into his mouth.

"I don't want to be food!" Toby howled, before Gatto's jaws snapped shut around them and the mountain gulped.

"Toby! Nomura!" Jim screamed. "TOBY!"

"RAH!" Draal charged Gatto –

"Draal, no!" Blinky shouted.

– and Gatto simply opened his mouth again and swallowed the rolling troll.

Jim's helmet sealed as he switched to troll shape. He threw a volley of knives at their attackers, who backed off for the few seconds he needed to shove Blinky to the ladder.

"Get to the Gyre!" he roared. At one level down, below that horrid mouth, he turned and lunged at Gatto.

Swallowing wasn't instant. If he could get the throat open, he could still save them. He didn't know if he could gut a mountain but he'd find out if that was what it took to get Toby back –

Daylight was a sword, not a pickaxe. Jim slashed and stabbed, and scratched with his now-clawed gauntlets and boots, and made barely any headway.

"Jim!" Blinky was now several levels of scaffolding lower, and fending off more of the smaller volcano trolls with an axe he must have grabbed from one of them. "Were we not attempting to vacate?"

Jim let go of Gatto and slid down the mountainside, and with another roar he stabbed the troll nearest to Blinky through the eye with one of his daggers, shattering the lens on that side. The troll bellowed in pain and clutched their face, dropping their axe. The dagger vanished, leaving an open wound, and reappeared in Jim's hand. He sliced into the arm of another attacker.

The troll with the injured eye staggered and, between the pain and the sudden loss of depth perception, knocked the other masked trolls off the platform. Blinky threw the ladder after them, reducing pursuit from above.

Jim turned to start burrowing through Gatto's hide again.

"Jim!" said Blinky again. "We must leave!"

He barely heard Blinky. He certainly didn't hear his phone, chiming the alert for an incoming text.

+=+

The stomach was even hotter than the 'outside' had been. Toby had gone through both his water bottles during the climb up to meet Gatto and didn't have any left. Not that this was his primary concern at the moment, considering –

"We just got eaten!"

"I noticed," said Nomura scathingly.

"Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh, this isn't happening, this isn't happening –"

"Do you have an international plan?" she said, interrupting his entirely justified freak-out.

"What?" asked Toby. "What does that have to do with anything? We're in a stomach! It doesn't matter what country the stomach's in!"

"Ugh. I'll take that as a no." She got her phone out of the duffle bag she carried and shoved the device into Toby's hand. "Text Jim. We're alive, Gatto's Keep is Gatto's gut," gesturing at the gold and artefacts around them, "and we're going for the Birthstone."

Assuming the lava-acid, which was rising, didn't get them first.

Draal came down the tunnel, fast enough he shot over their heads and over pool of lava-acid, skipping once (with a roar of pain) and landing on the other side.

"Draal! Are you okay?" It was a stupid question that Toby asked without any conscious thought.

Draal uncurled and growled. He gingerly touched his right arm, which looked shinier than usual and must have been what touched the lava.

"Where are we?"

"Gatto's Keep," said Nomura. "I guess that's one way to deter theft. Find the Birthstone. And be careful what else you touch, some of this might be cursed." She put a triangular thing with green gems on it into her bag. "We'll crawl up his throat and choke him or something once we've got it."

Wow, Nomura was not a detailed texter. Toby saw the last few messages she'd exchanged with Jim while he was typing.

Jim: -Today still works to check that collection?-

Nomura: -16:30- -canal-

Jim: -Okay, see you there!-

Toby, on Nomura's phone: -still alive- -gatto's keep in stomach- -going for birthstone-

Toby put her phone in his pocket and started digging through the piles of gold.

Curses or no curses, if Nomura got to take souvenirs, Toby was totally stealing some of these gold coins.

And maybe that glowy purple rock –

Wait –

"I think I found it!"

+=+

Jim – Jim couldn't do it, he couldn't stab deep enough to cut Gatto open and protect himself and Blinky at the same time –

He kept having to abandon his spot and climb down a few levels, and start over at an even thicker part of the mountain's hide –

Blinky kept urging him to the Gyre, but they couldn't leave, not yet, they had to get Toby back, they had to get Nomura and Draal, they couldn't just leave them behind –

Jim drew one of his poisoned knives. He carried more varieties on him than just Creeper's Sun. Gatto couldn't get away with this. Jim was the Trollhunter, he wasn't going to let some troll eat a human right in front of him. He wasn't going to let some troll eat Toby and live.

He drove the knife into a cut he'd already started with his sword, and left it there while fending off the masked trolls again, then ripped it out.

If Jim didn't manage to kill Gatto today, the troll would suffer a much slower death.

+=+

Draal had been favouring his burned arm. He looked up the steep tunnel of Gatto's throat and tried to lift his burned arm, and grunted in pain.

"I … I can't climb out. You'll have to leave me behind."

"What is wrong with you today?" Nomura demanded. "You've never been this – this fatalistic before."

"Guys," Toby interrupted. "There's another way out, but you're not gonna like it. If this is his stomach, then there's a 'back door', and if we upset the stomach," he tossed a nearby crystal into the acid, where it dissolved with a flatulent sound, "then we might have a chance to be passed through."

Nomura grimaced. "We're going out that way eventually." She started tossing things into the acid as well. "I'd rather go out alive."

"What are you both –? Oh." Draal's eyes widened and he looked like he might have an upset stomach himself. "That's – ugh. The shame of being remembered for that."

"There's no shame in survival," said Nomura.

Draal grabbed an entire shelving unit of bottles and threw it into the acid, where the potions exploded with blue light. He fell back and began coughing.

"Draal?!" Toby cried.

"I'm alright, I'm – is that my voice? Is that my" – he coughed again – "voice?" The high squeak had gone back to its normal gravelly depth. Draal shook his head and helped Nomura shove a heavy crate into the acid.

Toby started coughing too. It was so hot and smoky …

The troll, the Changeling, and the human climbed onto a boulder that hadn't melted yet. The lava continued to rise. They balanced precariously. Draal and Nomura were both forced to duck as they got closer to the ceiling.

"I guess this is my last chance to eat these," Toby lamented, taking out a taco. Nomura's eyes widened. Toby had only taken a single bite when she snatched the food and the bag out of his hands and threw them into the gut-lava. "What –? No! Those were Diablo Maximus!"

"And if this doesn't work, you'll die with that taste in your mouth."

The acid level started to drop – spiraling like it was going down a drain. Draal wrapped his arms tight around his two smaller companions.

"The back door!" cried Toby. "It's open! I gotta text Jimbo!"

All three of them screamed as they surfed on the boulder through Gatto's volcanic intestines.

+=+

Blinky kept an eye on Jim as they climbed and ran and fought and climbed some more. It had taken until they were nearly halfway down Gatto's sides to convince Jim to flee instead of continuing to attack. Blinky was ready to physically pull the boy along if he tried it again.

This was awful. Horrible. And all Blinky's fault, besides. Coming to Gatto's Keep had been his suggestion, and it had cost three lives already, and if they died here as well, the Amulet would become another part of Gatto's collection, no good to anyone.

But there would be time for blame and grief and stewing over what else might have gone wrong once Jim and Blinky were out of there and no longer in mortal peril.

Gatto tried to grab them with his craggy hand. Jim roared and nearly deprived the mountain troll of a finger.

Gatto said something, but his head was too far away now for Blinky to make it out. It might have been 'nachos'?

Another taunt about how he intended to eat them, no doubt.

"No more guards?" said Jim. They were off the scaffolding now, and it looked like a straight shot to the Gyre station.

The ground started to crack and rumble ominously. There were spurts of lava, and a smell Blinky hadn't expected but regretfully recognized. They ran faster.

Someone screamed behind them.

"Start it up! Start it up! START IT UP!"

"Toby!" Jim yelled.

Tobias, Nomura, and Draal erupted out of a rock wall nearby. They all cried out when they crash landed, and then ran for the Gyre just as Blinky and Jim were doing. Draal grabbed the Gyre's outer wheel and, with a bellow, set it spinning to jumpstart the vehicle. They piled in, and zoomed away.

It was a miraculous escape. Blinky would have to record this for the history books.

"I am – so sorry," he said to them all. Even at the Gyre's speed, it would take some time to get to Arcadia from Ojos del Salado. "If I had realized the nature of Gatto's Keep, I never would have brought us there."

"He did have the Birthstone," said Nomura. Blinky turned just enough to see her with his outermost eye. She seemed unscathed, and was still wearing a hat. Her bag was now bulging with whatever else she'd … claimed as recompense for the trauma of today's experience.

Blinky turned the other way to check as best he could on Jim and Toby. Draal was in the centre of the Gyre bench and hardest to see without turning around, though Blinky could at least tell he was there.

Jim was wrapped around Toby. His helmet was open again, and his eyes were glowing. Toby was clinging to Jim as well, and breathing hard.

"I saved us," Tobias bragged. "My tacos were the key to our grand escape." Jim tightened his grip.

He didn't let go of Toby until they reached Trollmarket. AAARRRGGHH was waiting for them at the Gyre station. (And oh, that made Blinky's gut twist, to think AAARRRGGHH had been sitting there awaiting their return and they might not have come back because Blinky had led them into danger.) AAARRRGGHH reached into the basket to help Toby and Jim disembark.

Jim let go of Tobias and swiped at AAARRRGGHH with Daylight.

AAARRRGGHH recoiled, unhurt physically – Blinky had seen the distance between his hand and the sword – but wounded all the same.

"Jim?" said Toby. "Dude, calm down."

"Red eyes," said AAARRRGGHH. Jim's eyes were still glowing. "Hurt?"

Draal, who had been climbing down the other side of the Gyre, grunted and lost his balance. When he got up, Blinky finally got a proper look at him.

"Great Gronka Morka, Draal, what's happened to your arm?!"

His right arm was half grey, with pits starting to form where the dead stone had cracked, and the patches that were still blue were far glossier than was natural, like he'd spent a month buffing and polishing his hide.

"Gut-lava," said Draal. His eyes were out of focus. "And straining. And that fall, just now."

"He used his arms to shield us while we were – getting out," said Toby, giving a sideways look to Jim before finishing that sentence. "And he landed badly coming in."

"Need Vendel," AAARRRGGHH decided. He offered his open hand to Jim and Toby again. Jim growled and readied his sword.

"You two take him," Nomura said. "Jim can't go through the market with his eyes like that, and he's not going to calm down until he stops thinking he has to protect his human from another troll any second."

Blinky and AAARRRGGHH looked at each other. Blinky split his focus to look at AAARRRGGHH, Jim, and Draal at the same time. AAARRRGGHH looked from Blinky, to Jim, to Draal, then back to Blinky, and nodded.

AAARRRGGHH moved to stand on Draal's injured side. Blinky climbed out of the Gyre – Jim turned the sword towards him for the moment it took to get to the steps, moving closer to the human and Changeling than he'd been whilst at the controls – and stood at Draal's other side.

He was loath to leave, but Draal needed medical attention, and Nomura was right that proximity to larger trolls seem to be increasing Jim's distress.

Blinky turned an eye back to Nomura.

"What about you?"

"I'll stand guard and make sure no one else walks in on this." She sat on the floor and opened the bag she'd been carrying. "I can get started on cataloguing while I wait."

"And will you be alright, Tobias?" Blinky asked.

"I think so?" The boy looked at Jim uncertainly. "Dude, it's Blinky and AAARRRGGHH. They're not gonna hurt us. Shouldn't it be my turn to be freaking out right now?"

+=+

"I'm sorry," said Vendel to Draal, as gently as the brusque elder was able. "The damage is … severe. I suspect your arm cannot be saved. I advise that we amputate, to keep the cracks from spreading higher, so your shoulder can be fitted with a prosthetic."

Draal grimaced. He stared at his cracked, pitted arm and flexed his fingers with a wince. A few more chips came loose. He touched one of the worst with his uninjured hand.

For the examination, the leather strip that usually wrapped around his right wrist was removed, showing the scarred crack that extended onto his hand. Vendel remembered treating that wound – he'd been worried Draal would lose his hand then as well.

"What if we used metal packing?" asked Draal.

"You lost some mobility in your wrist last time," Vendel reminded him. "If we tried that now, with your more extensive injuries, the amount of metal necessary and immobilization while you healed would likely lock the joints in place for good. And we would need to clear out the dead stone before we begin. Depending on the depth of damage," which was already and obviously deep, "your arm might come off in any case."

"… Can I have some time to think about it?"

In a sense, no, because the longer he went without treatment (beyond the painkillers Vendel had already given him), the worse his injuries would get, and the more likely it was the decision would be made for him.

"If you can remain still while you decide, I can give you a few hours."

"Thank you."

Vendel was not a prayerful troll, but he prayed he wasn't just giving Draal false hope.

+=+

"Hey, your eyes are blue again!" Toby cheered. "That's a good sign, right?"

"Maybe."

"And you're using words!" He patted Jim on the shoulder. "Think maybe we can get off the Gyre now?"

Jim looked at Nomura, still sitting on the station floor in troll form with her stolen treasures spread around her, and shook his head.

Early on in her sorting process, she'd propped up one of her treasures next to the Gyre – a trident with a red gem set on a ring below the fork. The red gem had started glowing when she'd turned the ring and seemed to be sucking all the heat from the room, which was an incredible relief for Toby's overheated skin.

"Dude, come on. I thought she was, like, your friend?"

Nomura laughed. "Oh, we go way back."

"… I can't tell if that was sarcasm or not."

"It wasn't," said Jim.

"So why is she scary to you?"

"Excuse me, are you not intimidated by me?" she asked, casually running her finger along the length of one of her cool swords. Which seemed like kind of the opposite of helping Jim calm down.

"You helped us," Toby reminded her.

"And we're all richer for it," she agreed.

Seriously, was she being sarcastic or not? Or, maybe not sarcastic, but … teasing? Was that it?

"You got eaten," said Jim, as though Toby could possibly have forgotten this. "By a troll. You getting eaten by a troll is literally one of my worst nightmares. I can't … I can't let you be in Trollmarket right now. There's too many trolls I don't know. I probably shouldn't fight them all, but I'm going to want to."

Toby sighed and turned back to his phone. He loved Go-Go Sushi, but there were only so many times he could play it in a day.

Oh, hey, wait, phones.

"Here, you should take your phone back." He put it as far down the Gyre's foldaway steps as he could reach without getting off the boat and having Jim grab him again. Nomura waited until he was back in the boat before standing to get it.

"Why do you have Nomura's phone?"

"From when we texted you we were alive. She's got an international plan and I don't."

"I didn't notice the text come in," Jim admitted.

"That's fair. You would've been pretty distracted."

+=+

Draal didn't want to lose his arm.

He had no regrets about what he'd done – if he hadn't been there, Nomura or Tobias would have been the ones hurt, or might even have fallen off the boulder and died – but he would rather have been able to save them without ending up in this position.

Draal liked his body. He liked his arms. He liked his strength and agility, and his reach, and how easy most weapons were to use, and how easy it was to switch between going on two legs, all fours, or a roll.

Whatever happened now would change that. Patch job or prosthetic, he'd have to restart his training to compensate for the change in balance. He wouldn't have the same reach or flexibility anymore. His grip on two-handed weapons would change.

It would have been easier, in a way, if he'd been hurt badly enough for the arm to come off on its own. Then at least he wouldn't have to decide whether to have what was left of it cut off, or to try and salvage it and risk seeing it crumble away in any case.

He wished his mother still lived in Trollmarket. Ballustra was a weaponsmith, but she had done prosthetic work as well, and helped with injuries that needed metal packing. He trusted Vendel to give him good advice, but … Draal wanted his mother.

(She'd gone back to the Old World a few centuries ago, after she and Kanjigar had divorced. Draal hadn't actually seen her in person for almost twenty years now. He hadn't realized how much he missed her until he started thinking about her.)

He sighed heavily. The movement of his chest caused his arm to move on the table. A few more pieces flaked off. Had they been already broken and sitting there, or had they just broken away? Was it his imagination, or did some of the cracks just get a little bit longer?

With the depth and spread of the fissures, metal packing would noticeably increase the weight of his arm. Draal would be fit to return to the field far sooner if he accepted a prosthetic, which could be graded to a compatible weight. He'd have use of two hands again more quickly, too.

Draal's blue hide had been nearly seared off in some places, exposing the veins of purplish crystal underneath. He couldn't stop himself from rubbing some of it. So smooth; a bit itchy at the edges.

Vendel had not simply left him alone. The Elder was looking through his supplies, giving Draal an illusion of privacy while keeping an eye on him to make sure he didn't aggravate his wounds.

"Vendel. If … If we try to save it. What are the odds it'll work?"

"Very low, I'm afraid. We can keep it attached, if that's your wish, but it would likely not be functional."

"Meaning?"

"In the worst case scenario, it would be like an immobile prosthesis with bits of your living stone embedded in it. In the best case, you would recover about half the mobility you had before."

Draal grimaced. He studied what was left of his arm again. Gorgus, some of the pits were so deep they nearly went halfway through.

"Cut it off."

+=+

"Then we all reached the Gyre, and Draal worsened his injuries to start the mechanism."

They were waiting outside the Gyre station. Blinky had just finished reciting the day's events to AAARRRGGHH.

"This is my doing. I knew Gatto held a place on the Tribunal, but never even thought to ask Vendel's assessment of his character. So now Jim is terrified of us all, Tobias is probably also mentally scarred, and Draal is grievously injured for my failure as a researcher."

AAARRRGGHH, always a troll of few words, had no words that could make Blinky feel less responsible for what had happened. He tried anyway.

"Attacking was Gatto's choice, not Blinky's."

"He didn't attack us, AAARRRGGHH! He made his terms clear, and I knew better than to accept but I did anyway, and now –" He flailed his arms. "I can only be thankful Jim didn't actually hurt you, and no one actually died."

"I'm sorry about that."

They both jumped, and turned to see Jim and Toby. Jim's helmet was sealed, and he was between them and Toby, but he was unarmed.

"I shouldn't have agreed to the riddle game either," said Jim. "That was a stupid gamble. I should've just stabbed him in the face the second he started talking about eating us."

"I feel like that's not the lesson we should take from this, but at the same time I can't argue," said Toby.

"I wanted to say, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let my fears get the better of me when I – I trust you. I know you would never."

"Forgiven," AAARRRGGHH assured him at once.

Blinky looked passed the boys, into the Gyre station. It stood empty.

"Where has Nomura gone?" And how had he not noticed her leaving? She would have had to go right past them.

"She wanted to see Draal before we left," said Jim.

+=+

"Hey," said Nomura.

"Hey." Draal lifted his new prosthetic hand in greeting. It made a faint clanking sound.

"… I came to show off all the stuff I took," she claimed, rather than admit she'd been concerned and wanted to check on him. Draal leaned forward.

"Show me."

+=+

Previous Chapter (Otto keeps unintentionally sabotaging his own coup.)

Table of Contents

Next Chapter (As though Draal hasn’t been through enough, he turns human.)

This was the longest chapter yet! Helped along by how I had a few hundred words already prepped from the early days of fic writing, back when I thought they would be doing to search for the Triumbric Stones in canonical order and Blinky was still going to be the troll who turned human. How far we've come, eh?

There are two non-Tales of Arcadia cartoon references in this chapter, one to a show and one to a movie. Spot them for imaginary prizes! I'll reveal them in the notes for the next chapter.

I do not know what regular lava would do to a troll, but since Gatto digests that poor unfortunate troll in his introductory episode (seen sinking into the gut-lava when Toby and Blinky arrive in the stomach), I assume that particular type of lava can mess stone-flesh up. The term 'gut-lava' was used in one of the spinoff comics.

Out of curiosity, I looked up 'Ojos del Salado', which is a real place. Some fun facts: It is the highest active volcano in the world, and the second-highest mountain in both the Western Hemisphere and the Southern Hemisphere. It's actually on the Argentina-Chile border, and the mountain has two summits, one in each country. There is a crater lake on the eastern side that is believed to be the highest lake in the world.

Draal's mom Ballustra was named in the spinoff novels. I have not yet decided how much of the novels' depiction I will use, beyond the name and the job and the bit about her and Kanjigar being divorced. Or separated? The novel does not actually use the word 'divorced', but it does say they were married when Draal was born, and heavily implies they were not married anymore by the time Kanjigar died without providing a word for how the end of a marriage is described in troll society.

#Trollhunters #Changeling Jim #Becoming The Mask chapters #Tales of Arcadia #canon divergence #tw: loss of limb #Draal #Nomura #Tobias Domzalski #Blinkous Galadrigal #Vendel #AAARRRGGHH #Claire Nuñez #Darci Scott #Mary Wang #My Fanfiction #Monday is fanfic day!

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kimnamjooonz · 5 years

Text

Blank Space - Episode 11

Everything Has Changed

Songs used in this Episode:

Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift ft Ed Sheeran

Feelings are shared, words are said and confessions are made.

''Come back and tell me why I'm feeling like I've missed you all this time, and meet me there tonight and tell me that this is not all in my mind''

''We don't want to get out through the main door'' Morgan stated. ''It's full of paparazzi. What do think they'll think if they see us leave together? You don't want to start rumours... or do you?'' That was the least thing that Morgan wanted. There were already people in the world that thought that Sebastian and Morgan would make hell of a couple, and even though they weren't wrong, she didn't want to be seen as if they were following that advice. And there was the tiny detail that he had a girlfriend. ''I thought you were the queen of not giving a fuck. You're my date and everyone knows that, they're expecting us to leave together. And we're just getting pizza, not spending the night in a cheap motel.'' He was right. If they left together there wouldn't be much of a fuss as if they left separately or with different people. ''You have no shame'' ''Great. Now let's leave'' As they expected, the paparazzi started taking pictured and shouting questions at them by the second they took a glimpse of them. ''Morgan! Are you walking in the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show?'' No, she wasn't. ''Are you two dating?'' No, they weren't. He had a girlfriend, for God's sake. ''Sebastian, do you want to see Morgan stepping on the runway?'' Yes, he wanted. Better if it was in lingerie. ''Morgan, is it true that you're planning to join the Marvel Cinematic Universe?'' She wanted to laugh. Of course that she wanted to join the MCU but it wasn't as if she could show up in Atlanta and Marvel was going to give her a role out of the blue. ''Morgan, is it true that you and Chris Evans have been seeing each other?'' And that was enough for Sebastian who did the most stupid thing he could have done and not even Morgan was ready for it. He just simply reached out for her hand and interlaced his fingers with hers. And that gesture in itself said enough. Morgan wanted to murder him. Yes, there was nothing wrong with leaving together but leaving together holding hands in front of a horde of paparazzi was a complete different story. ''You make a really hot couple!'' some paparazzi shouted. ''Thank you!'' he shouted back with a big smile on his face. Well, Morgan was sure that they were going to be brutally murdered by Taylor and Emily when they found out about what had just happened. And thank to the wonders of the Internet they'll find out very soon. And stan twitter was probably going to blow up in pieces after this. With all the calm in the world he guided her towards a taxi and opened the door for her to enter. Every single one of their movements were being caught in camera. ''You idiot!'' she hissed after Sebastian closed the door. ''What have you done?'' ''Calm down, nothing's wrong. Do you think these people will think that I'm cheating on my girlfriend in such a public and shameless way?'' ''Of course they will, you idiot! They were already suspecting it after out little show at MSG! How do you think this will be seen? You held my hand and basically shouted that we look hot together!'' ''Where's the lie, Llewellyn. I though you didn't care about people's opinion'' he raised his eyebrows. ''And I don't. Look, I don't care about your girlfriend, I don't care about the general public, I don't care about the media. But I don't really want to face Taylor. And she will want to kill me''. That seemed to ground Sebastian. ''And Emily...'' now he looked concerned. ''...damn, what have I done.'' ''What's done is done'' Morgan had no other option than resign herself. ''Now let's get that pizza.'' ''Are you really seeing Chris Evans?'' he asked out of nowhere. The best answer to that question was 'It's none of you goddamned business' but she decided to tell him the truth. ''We talked for half an hour about pets and I didn't even get his number. That question answers itself. It's a no, by the way. Happy?'' ''Actually, yes'' he had a triumphant smile on his face. The taxi left them in front of a Pizza Hut. Sebastian guided Morgan inside, as if they were getting into the most elegant restaurant of the city. ''We can't stay here'' he started when they had already got the pizza boxes and a couple of beers. ''People are already looking at us and we're not very discreetly dressed.'' Morgan knew that it was true. They were dressed for an elegant party not for getting pizza. ''Let's get out of here.'' this time she grabbed his arm and got him out of the place. They were looking for a place to eat for a little while until they settled for a spot under a tree in a park. Elegant. ''I'm sitting on the grass in a thousand dollar dress. Luke will kill me tomorrow, add him to the list of people that'll want to murder me after this.'' she grabbed a slice of pizza. ''And this is an Hugo Boss suit. My stylist is getting my neck tomorrow.'' he delicately bit his pizza. ''As everyone wants to kill us, I suggest that we elope together before someone notices. Look, we can go north, to Alaska, get a nice cabin in the woods and live there.'' ''Yeah, that's what I was planning: changing my promising acting career for Alaska and a cabin in the woods.'' ''You get me as part of the deal'' he winked at her. ''That's irresistible'' she joked. ''It's not that bad... we'll become friends in time. We'll be in a small cabin in the woods so maybe even romance will flourish between us'' he cheekily winked at her. What he had said sounded like the plot of a cheesy Christmas movie. ''You sure? Because I think that it's more probable that we'll end up in a bigger war. We don't get on very well so imagine if we're left alone for weeks.'' ''Don't be such a pessimist, Llewellyn. Alaska would change us'' ''Forgive me if I can't see how Alaska may change us. Both of us under the same roof is not even a potential disaster, is a guaranteed catastrophe.'' Sebastian was having fun with Morgan's answers. But he couldn't help by wonder how would it feel to share a home with her. It would either be a nightmare or a dream, there was no middle ground. ''Don't be too harsh... look at us, we're having plenty of fun.'' ''Because we're desperate. We were starving in a place where the only thing left to eat was shrimp.'' She had a point. But Sebastian also knew that if he had gone at that party by himself, he'd have stayed there and forcefully eaten the shrimp. He had to thank Morgan for making him a braver person. ''Fair point. But I also think you're more fun than everybody else.'' Morgan almost laughed at him. ''You're a masochist if you think I'm fun. The only thing I do, ninety percent of the time is mortify you. Sometimes I'm kind of sorry but then you ask the most inappropriate questions and say stuff that makes want to smack you in the head.'' ''Inappropriate? Me?'' his eyes got impossibly big. '''Are you seeing Chris Evans?''' she mocked his voice. ''I let that one pass but why do you even care?'' before he started rambling some rushed explanation Morgan stopped him. ''Don't answer that. It just surprises me how cool you think I am. Probably Evans doesn't even remember me and you thought we were dating.'' ''No one that's seen you, can forget you. And I think you're... interesting, even if half of the time I want to send you back to Wales.'' She wasn't surprised about that at all. There were days that Morgan herself would have preferred to work with anybody else in the industry rather than Sebastian Stan. ''Nice to know'' she took a sip of her beer. ''Coming back to Alaska... I think that if Damien wants to unleash all the chemistry we have inside, he should send us there for a while.'' ''Don't give him ideas. He's capable of doing it. He was the one us that convinced Taylor to send me here with you.'' ''He ships us.'' Morgan sent him a weird look. ''Since when do you speak fangirl?'' immediately Morgan regretted having said this. It was better not to mention the word 'fangirl' in front of Sebastian. She had been his fan and that was something he could never knew if she didn't want him to tease her until the next century. ''Nevermind. Forget it. is not that he likes us together, he needs us together, at least in a friendly way, to hype the movie so the general public can see how good we look together. I thought you knew how things worked in Hollywood.'' ''Yeah, but I never had to date anyone for publicity.'' ''You're not dating me for publicity'' she immediately said. ''I was never going to agree to that. But Damien is literally setting us up.'' Sebastian felt a weird feeling of gratitude towards Damien. Yes, he knew it wasn't right but he couldn't control his emotions. ''He's not the only one'' he decided to lead the conversation ahead from his own feelings without changing the topic. ''All the Internet apparently share his view. I am constantly tagged in countless of Instagram collages about us. I swear that they can't wait to see us married with three kids and a dog.'' Yeah, Sebastian fans also made manips of him married to Chris Evans, living happily ever after and taking pictures every Christmas with Dodger in them. Morgan herself had retweeted a couple, in the past, of course. So, nothing surprised her anymore. ''If they only knew....''' she laughed ''...that this is absolutely impossible'' That hurt Sebastian a little. He knew that Morgan had never expressed much interest in him in that way but hearing her rejecting the possibility in such a direct way, wasn't nice at all. Maybe it was because he had a girlfriend and that had ruled him out completely from Morgan's list of possible love interests. If she even had one. ''Wow, you have the same sensitivity of a rusted axe.'' he tried to sound sarcastic but there was a hint of hurt in his voice that Morgan noticed. And it wasn't acted. She couldn't believe how big his ego was if he had got offended by getting ruled out of some imaginary possibility. And it wasn't even true because the main supporter of the Morgan-Sebastian ship was Morgan herself. But never in a million years she was going to say it out loud. ''What a snowflake. Really, you're about to make me laugh. I don't say it's impossible because I'm rejecting you of your fans' imaginary plans. I'm saying it because it's biologically impossible that their fantasy ever become a reality.'' It took a while for Sebastian to process and then understand her words. But when he finally did, he felt that he was the one with the sensitivity of a rusted axe. He had judged Morgan without knowing the whole story. Morgan noticed the regret on his face and how much he wanted to say something but he was struggling to find words. And Morgan didn't help him. He desperately wanted to ask something to make sure that his suspicions were correct and he hadn't misunderstood Morgan's words. ''Just ask whatever you have in your mind'' But he couldn't just ask such a personal question, let alone in a couple of minutes later that he had called her a 'rusted axe'. ''You... you...'' he wasn't able to say anything. ''No, Sebastian, I will never be able to have children of my own. And change that sad expression from your face, please, because it's really stupid. Look, it doesn't affect me so I can't see no reason why it should affect you.'' But Sebastian's sad face was actually regret. He felt awful for bringing a sensitive topic without knowing nothing. ''I'm so, so, so, so sorry.'' he was looking directly at Morgan's eyes. ''I didn't know... I feel like such a stupid idiot for bringing this topic and... I called you insensitive... you have no idea how sorry I am''. And Morgan noticed that it was sincere. ''Don't worry. It's not really a sensitive topic. I've known about this little issue since I was fifteen and I've come to terms with it a long time ago. It's not even a secret. Look, women are not reproductive machines. We're human beings capable of doing great things. If you think that not being able to pop out a child out of my body lessens my worth as a woman, let me kick you in the head back to the eighteenth century, where you belong.'' He lifted his hands in surrender. ''I don't think that way, Morgan, I swear. Women are the most powerful beings in the universe, independently if they have kids or not, who cares about that. I mean, the world is already overpopulated and dying, we don't need more kids. And women are more stronger an brave than men, only idiots with fragile masculinity can't admit it. You have to deal with periods, that according with what I've read around, they feel like you're being stabbed. Men could never.'' Well, at least he was a man that didn't blush or got uncomfortable by the word 'period'. Points for him. ''You're right in something, I can't believe it.'' she mocked him. ''If having a period is bad enough, I can't imagine giving birth. Literally, you're pushing a watermelon from your lady parts.'' This time Sebastian blushed and looked embarrassed as hell, even with the light of the park's lamp post she could notice. Morgan just raised her eyebrows and looked at him with mild curiosity. He was giving her good material to tease him. ''Wow, wow, wow. What left the mighty Sebastian Stan so hot and bothered. Was it the lady parts or the watermelon? If it's the watermelon I might be... sightly concerned.'' Sebastian blushed even more. ''I can't believe you're so direct. You just described a birth using a watermelon as an example. I'm never forgetting this.'' ''What is so weird about it? Do you know how kids are brought into this world or do you still believe that the seagulls bring them?'' ''Seagulls?'' Sebastian was wondering in which Welsh legend seagulls brought babies. ''Maybe you mean storks, Morgan.'' ''Yeah, it's the same thing, they both have wings, who cares.'' Morgan wasn't an expert at differencing birds. Everything that had wings, feathers and a beak were either chickens, ducks, seagulls or pigeons. ''That's wasn't the point.'' ''I'm not that stupid to believe in legends, I never did by the way. And before you ask, I don't believe in Santa.'' suddenly he laughed. ''Seagulls... look, when we'll have to do the press junkets to our movie and someone asks me for a funny cast anecdote I'm going to tell them that you confused seagulls with storks.'' She actually didn't mind. ''I'm not an intellectual prodigy, Sebastian''. He looked surprised. Yeah, Morgan may be annoying and obnoxious but he always thought that she was smart. Maybe she liked learning certain things and focused on them rather than trying to learn about everything. ''I think you are pretty smart. Yeah, maybe you're not Stephen Hawking but... who is. You have another type of knowledge, the one that you can't learn in books.'' Morgan wondered why he got out of his way to compliment her. It was not as she deserved his kindness. But he was a kind person to literally everyone. But this was the Sebastian Stan she had imagined for the past five years. The one that had destroyed her standards in men. The Sebastian she had fallen in love with. ''You give good compliments, Sebastian.'' ''Maybe I do'' he lifted her chin with his fingers so he could look at her better. ''See? You can be nice if you want to. You've been pretty nice tonight, Morgan.'' It was hard for them to resist the temptation and not kiss. They had to gather all the will they had in themselves to keep calm. ''I think we should go'' she proposed. After all, they had finished with their food. ''I think so.'' They gathered the empty pizza boxes and beer bottles and threw them in the trash can. The way back to the hotel was quiet and calm. They weren't speaking but the silence between tem wasn't uncomfortable at all. They fell at ease with each other. Only when they got into the elevator they could notice how messy they were. They had grass and pizza crumbs on their expensive clothes. Morgan had even stained her dress with beer. Luke was going to kill her. ''You have a leaf in your hair, Morgan'' he brush it away with extreme softness. Morgan got off in the seventh floor and Sebastian stood alone on the elevator, more confused than ever. She was driving him crazy and he wasn't doing anything to prevent it. On the contrary, he was all the time finding more and more reasons to be more attracted to Morgan if it was possible. Once he got into his room, and after changing his clothes for something more comfortable than an elegant and expensive suit, he threw himself to the bed and tried hard to fall asleep. But he couldn't. He was just waiting for someone (Morgan of course) to knock on his door. They didn't need to say a word, he'd just get her into his room and slowly take off that amazing red dress of hers, even if it was stained with grass. He'd take his time with her, without rushing anything, making sure of kissing every single inch of her skin, paying special attention to her long and kissable neck. He'd let her do the same to him, touch his skin with that long and soft fingers. He was hers to keep and she could do whatever her wanted. Kiss him, lick him, bite him, taste him, scratch him, whatever she wanted. Afterward, he'd made love to her in the most exquisite and intimate way he could imagine, enjoying every single second of it. But that was too good to be true, and of course that it was not going to happen. Morgan was probably fast asleep in her room, not giving a damn about his turbulent feelings.

P.S. Seagulls? Really Morgan?

#sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan x ofc #sebastian stan imagine #Sebastian Stan #sebastian #sebastian stan x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky #The Avengers #marvel #marvel cast #MCU #MCU fanfiction #mcu cast #mcu fandom

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lilyvandersteen · 6 years

Text

Masterlist of my Glee fanfiction

Klaine fanfiction

Weave Your Magic verse (WIP + one-shot)

Summary:

This is an AU in which Blaine and Kurt never met in high school. Blaine is an elementary school teacher and the author of several picture books. Kurt is a former child actor and now a men's wear designer, who writes thrillers under a pseudonym. They meet at a book fair.

Rating: Mature for the main story, general for the oneshot

Word Count: 287,088 so far

Tropes: Famous Klaine, Writers Klaine, Actor Kurt, Designer Kurt, Teacher Blaine, Ensemble Fic

Free Hugs

Summary:

What if Kurt and Blaine met in a train station, Blaine helping out Kurt after he'd bumped into someone and dropped all his belongings?

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 4,124

Tropes: College Klaine, Meet-Cute

Of Devils, Desserts and Architectural Delights

Summary:

Kurt and Blaine spend the summer after their wedding touring through the United States and then through South America, Europe, Asia and New Zealand. This episode of the Klaine Road Trip 2015 takes us to Ghent, in Belgium. Prepare for lots of food descriptions, sightseeing and the story of Gerald the Devil. Enjoy!

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 2,791

Tropes: Married Klaine, Road Trip

Stop Flirting!

Summary:

Kurt Hummel is returning to Lima for the summer. On the plane, he's lost in his book and not paying attention to his surroundings. All of a sudden, someone slaps him in the face and accuses him of flirting with her idol. Huh?

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 27,611

Tropes: Famous Blaine, Pop Star Blaine

Catch Me A Catch

Summary:

Blaine is a hard-working pre-law student and part-time barista, whose brother Cooper has snagged a role in Funny Girl. Kurt is a diligent NYADA student and intern at Vogue dot com, whose roommate Rachel is the new Fanny Brice. Cooper and Rachel hit it off immediately, and then start scheming to get Kurt and Blaine together.

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 17,825

Tropes: College Klaine, Barista Blaine

Worth the Wait verse (main story + several one-shots)

Summary:

Kurt and Blaine meet at a music festival, hit it off straightaway and spend a wonderful night together, but come morning, Blaine finds Kurt gone. On the nightstand is a ring, hiding clues as to where Kurt can be found. Intrigued, Blaine strives to solve the riddle, only to find the challenges don't end there... Fairy tale Klaine AU.

Rating: Mature for the main story, general for the one-shots

Word Count: 27,868

Tropes: Soulmates Klaine, Fae Kurt, Fantasy, Model Kurt, Broadway, Reunion After Time Apart, Fairy Tale AU

First Halloween

Summary:

Kindergartners Kurt and Blaine each go trick-or-treating for the first time. Shameless fluff.

Rating: General

Word Count: 1,937

Tropes: Kiddie Klaine, Halloween

Picture Perfect

Summary:

Kurt makes a pact with an evil spirit to save his father's life in return for many years of servitude. The spirit wants sexual favours, too, but is rebuffed by Kurt's soulmate protection. Enraged, the spirit traps him into a painting and tells him only his soulmate will be able to rescue him. Fifty years later, Blaine discovers the painting and is struck by its beauty.

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 25,029

Tropes: Soulmates Klaine, Fae Kurt, Fantasy, Kiddie Blaine, High School Blaine, Age Gap

A Shoulder to Lean On

Summary:

Blaine meets Rachel and Kurt on a plane, and is instantly smitten with Kurt.

Rating: General

Word Count: 2,838

Tropes: Meet-Cute, College Klaine

Erased

Summary:

Kurt and his family move to a new house, where Kurt finds plenty of hidden treasures. They all seem connected with a boy that lost his life after a gay-bashing. Only, Kurt keeps seeing visions of him, and Brittany claims she can see the boy too. According to her, he’s not dead, just erased, and Kurt can bring him back to life. What?

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 19,407

Tropes: Soulmates Klaine, Ghost Blaine, Supernatural, Fantasy, High School Klaine

Happy Accidents

Summary:

Blaine, who is going to the same coffee shop every morning, at the same time for his morning fuel, is confused. At the coffee shop, he often sees the same faces - of the other regulars. There is one particular face he looks forward to seeing, though, but Blaine is just not sure if the face belongs to one or two men (twins). Kurt has shared custody of his kid. The weeks when he is dad, he dresses one way, the other weeks he is more sharply dressed.

Rating: General

Word Count: 3,111

Tropes: Coffee Shop AU, Single Parent Kurt, Designer Kurt, College Blaine

Going the Extra Yard

Summary:

Cooper and Blaine go to a yard sale in Lima. Blaine notices a boy manning a stand with only plush toys, and sees that everyone passes him by, so he decides to help the boy out and make sure his stuff gets sold. Kiddie Klaine fluff.

Rating: General

Word Count: 2,718

Tropes: Kiddie Klaine, Meet-Cute

A Rose for You

Summary:

Rachel and Kurt go to theatre camp together. Kurt ends up working backstage, but still manages to catch the eye of an admirer...

Rating: General

Word Count: 4,911

Tropes: High School Klaine, Oblivious Kurt, Pining

Puppy Eyes verse (main story and a smutty one-shot)

Summary:

Blaine teaches graphic and digital design at Parsons, and is under a curse that turns him into a dog for a week, every once in a while. He lives with Trent, who's been looking after him in his dog phases for years. Now, though, Trent has met someone and is very happy and going on dates all the time, and the next time Blaine turns into a dog, Trent doesn't look after him but just shrugs and contacts a dog walker service. And you can guess who is sent to look after Blaine...

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 77,966 for the main story, 3,125 for the one-shot

Tropes: Fantasy, College Kurt, Professor Blaine, Werepuppy Blaine, Angst with a Happy Ending

Santa’s Super Sleigh

Summary:

Blaine is enchanted by the caroling elves in the mall, especially the boy elf.

Kurt keeps seeing the same cute boy in the audience when he is singing with Rachel and Santana.

Will they ever get the chance to talk?

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 4,648

Tropes: Holiday Fic, Christmas Fic, Barista Blaine, Meet-Cute

Turn Around Bright Eyes

Summary:

This is based on the following Tumblr prompt: you work in a coffee shop and are in the middle of a hella rendition of ‘total eclipse of the heart’ and get WAY too into it, and a (really hot dammit) customer tried to get your attention by singing “turn around, bright eyes” AU

I turned it into a fluffy coffee shop Klaine romance with bonus Cooper :-)

Rating: General

Word Count: 2,814

Tropes: Coffee Shop AU, Barista Kurt, Pining Blaine, Wingman Cooper, Fluff & Humour

Facing Your Dragons (WIP)

Summary:

After a fight with Dave Karofsky, Blaine is punished with a week's suspension and forty hours of community service. At the home where he volunteers, he meets Kurt. Badboy Blaine and Skank Kurt AU.

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 11,723 so far

Tropes: High School AU, Badboy Blaine, Skank Kurt, Fluff

Never Saying Goodbye to You (WIP)

Summary:

Based on a beautiful drawing by @thisdoesnotsuck, this is a story where Kurt travels through time to the 1920s and falls in love with his great-grandfather’s secret beau. Featuring a family curse, doppelgängers, angst and confusion. I promise the ending will be happy, though :-)

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 10,030 so far

Tropes: Historical AU, Time-Travelling Kurt, 1920s Blaine, Family Curse

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Brittana Fanfiction

Never Seen You With Your Clothes On

Summary:

Santana models for a live drawing class, and one night, she nods off after a gruelling day of work. Rather than mortified, she's happy about this development, since it gets her an introduction to the beautiful blonde she's been admiring from afar.

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 2,304

Tropes: College Brittana

I Knew You’d Be Beautiful

Summary:

Ghost Santana has successfully scared off every tenant of her former apartment. Brittany, however, proves a tough nut to crack.

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 3,162

Tropes: Ghost Santana

Anderbros Fanfiction

Brother Love

Summary:

Cooper liked being an only child. And he certainly didn't want or need a brother. Or did he?

This is a story that could be canon. It sketches the relationship between Cooper and Blaine Anderson, from the moment Blaine is born to Episode 3.15 of Glee.

Rating: General

Word Count: 6,297

Tropes: Kid Fic, Sibling Rivalry

Kurtbastian Fanfiction

With A Snap Of The Fingers

Summary:

Kurt works as a waiter. Sebastian turns up as an obnoxious customer, snapping his fingers at Kurt. Did Sebastian come by just to annoy Kurt, or could there be another reason?

Rating: General

Word Count: 672

Tropes: College Kurtbastian

Blamchel Fanfiction

These Magic Hands (my very first fanfic, and it shows - it’s terrible)

Summary:

Anyone else out there who was disappointed when Rachel said no to a massage from Blaine in Episode 5.17, Opening Night? Well, this is Rachel dreaming about what would have happened had she said yes :) Did I mention Sam gets involved, too? Short one-shot.

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 958

Trope: Crackfic

That’s So Rachel

Summary:

This is what I pictured would happen after Season Five. Rachel needs a male lead to play opposite her in her new TV series, and when she fails to show chemistry with one actor after another during the castings, she grows desperate and contacts Sam and Blaine to help her out and audition.

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 1,424

Trope: Actors Blamchel, Famous Blamchel

#my fanfiction masterlist #post your masterlist day #klaine fanfiction #and a smattering of other combos

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koganphrancis · 6 years

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Camless Episode 5

All The Writers Of This Show Are Shit

We had us a brand new writer this week and all we got was the same old same old: OOC, Retconing, and Repeats of Old Story Beats.

I’ll attempt a recap, but this episode really sucked the will out of me.

(gif credit: gallavichlovies)

I’m not going to do my usual character by character recap because frankly some really awful shit went down this week that I’m just going to refer to and not go into in depth. Plus, so much of the episode was tedious repeats of shit the writer had JUST TRIED to say.

We had both Debbie and Ian go knocking on the wrong doors for advice. We had two endless Lip scenes where all that was happening was he was running and riding a motorcycle. Maybe next week he can paint a fence and we can all watch as the paint dries. Liam is sexually molested (off screen, but still) by another child who had been sexually molested. Carl and Frank both get slapped around in sexually-adjacent situations just as the show is once again trying to drive home what’s unacceptable for men to do to women-hey, Shameless, that goes for what’s unacceptable for women to do to men, women to do to other women, and men to do to other men as well. They tried to make “going Fiona” a thing-twice. There were at least four scenes where Frank tried to get an erection. There were endless retcons (more on those to come).

My notes are all over the place and the show’s such a shit pile I can’t even begin to make a smooth narrative out of them, so here’s a list of my observations, saving the Ian shit for last.

Debbie had a running thread through a big part of the episode where she’s literally bored to the point of falling asleep listening to Alex-that is exactly how I feel about their relationship/the Debbie thinks she might be gay storyline. Also, if anyone cares, Debs has completely dropped her equal rights/equal pay fight. She doesn’t even seem to go to work anymore. Later, Debbie goes to visit the lesbians in Fiona’s building (rather than, I don’t know, talking to Vee about her experiences with Svetlana, since that seems maybe more in line with feelings Debbie is experiencing?) and the scene was clearly written in lieu of Shameless ever showing sex scenes anymore.

The blond lesbian, Mel, exposes herself to Debbie in the doorway of her apartment (but sadly for the Netflix fans, her back is to the camera), without establishing if Debbie is not a minor, and then she kisses her in a sloppy slo-mo saliva string sharing close up. Debbie is supposedly stunned stupid by this, but the whole “you like what you like and you don’t have to justify your sexual orientation to anyone” message falls flat. Debbie has ALWAYS been starved for attention, and she misreads any attention she gets from anyone of any sex. Since Matty she’s always equated someone trying to be interested in her as being interested in her sexually. And that kiss wasn’t sexual at all-it too was a form of molestation-it wasn’t asked for or consented to. This show is shit.

Carl meets a young woman at a West Point mixer, the daughter of the scary military officer who is throwing the party. Hello, we’ve done this already with Dom and her scary cop dad. Yawn. Carl films them not having sex after she passes out drunk so he can prove he didn’t molest/rape her, should it ever come in question. At first the young woman is mad (and jumps on him and starts slapping him around, just like Katey Sagal will do in a scene with Frank), but then later she returns Carl’s phone and says she saw he didn’t film them having sex, but there is a recording on there of him having sex with someone else. He says that’s Kassidi, his ex, but fails to let Kelly (the new chick) know she’s dead and he’s an accessory to her murder. And how fucking creepy is it that Carl’s kept sex with his dead ex on his phone? Is that something he’s still watching? Does he get off to it? This show is shit.

Kev and Vee get stuck with Frank in a few scenes, foreshadowing the boring seasons to come, should the show get renewed (why are they still sitting on announcing that, btw?). There’s a subplot for Kev where he’s going to speak at a women’s rally in his new-found position of Vagina Safe consultant, but he wisely bows out when he hears the real hell women face on a regular basis. Why this show is trying to be socially conscious this late in the game I’ll never know. Especially since they’ll keep pulling their bullshit and defend it with “it’s Shameless!” like they’ve always done in the past. This show is shit.

There’s the weekly Fiona/Bored disagreements-this time they’re about little things like music preferences and whether or not Fiona should care about her brother going to prison for up to two decades. Bored winds up singing along to a song to Fiona at the end-it should’ve been Gus Pfender’s Fuck You, Fiona and they could’ve had a cute discussion about Gus being Fi’s ex-husband. This show is shit.

Now Ian. Sigh. Nothing makes sense. Everything’s either a lie or a retcon and we the audience still don’t know which. At breakfast he’s telling the family his plea options, and when Liam questions temporary insanity, Ian rattles off, “Bipolar, off my meds.” So is Ian saying that’s just the definition of the defense he could use, or is he saying “I was off my meds”???? WHY won’t the show give us any answers? There were two significant scenes in Season 8 where he staunchly said he was taking his meds and that he (rightly) was entitled to feel emotions and be angry at times. Are we supposed to think that right about then is when he stopped taking them and then Gay Jesus happened? But if that was the case, why did he stop taking his meds, and now how long has he been off them-or did he start taking them again and now they’re working after being off them for all the GJ stuff PLUS when he was in jail for 9 months? IF he was off his meds for any amount of time but especially a long amount of time (pretty sure an argument could be made he’d been off them since leaving Mickey/Monica dying/stalking boring Terror, blowing that old couple for money), why did his manic phase seem so different than when he was back from the army? Can the show try to explain anything?

Ian and Fiona and Geneva all go to the lawyer’s office-why? There IS such a thing as client-attorney privilege and the lawyer, at least, would ask them to wait outside once the screaming began if not sooner. But oh well. Ian finally says, “Does anyone want to hear what my lawyer has to say?” Me at home: YES!!! Lawyer starts to talk, “I know this judge-he’s under...” Geneva starts yelling again and what gets lost in her bullshit is that later on, the judge is not a he?

Outside Fi asks Ian, “Are all lesbians that dramatic?” I asked last week, I’m asking again: Is Geneva a lesbian? Is this just another retcon? Her initial interactions with Ian seemed like she was crushing on him, that she wanted him, and there’s been nothing about her being a lesbian in canon. I know it’s not important, but the lack of attention to detail on this show contributes mightily to its shittiness.

Suddenly Ian has a question, and he can think of only one place to get an answer (even though Liam was able to Google “what is cocktail attire?” and get an answer in seconds. Ian should’ve asked him to look up his question as well).

Ian goes to the Milkovich house and it’s so fucking OOC I don’t even want to think about it. For whatever reason, Ian politely says, “Hi, Mr. Milkovich,” when Terry answers the door-why would he even bother? Terry’s not big on manners, for one thing, and for another, the last time Ian saw Terry he was flipping him off as he was being carted back to prison. Don’t think Terry’s going to be warmed over by a polite greeting. Anyway, Ian asks him about being in the pen, and Terry says there’s ass and mouth rapings that Ian would probably enjoy, shitty food, and beat downs from the guards. Ian asks if Terry was mouth raped (I think he specified that, I didn’t put it in my notes) and Terry indignantly says that Milkoviches don’t “bottom”. Ian says, “Was Mickey adopted?” and I can’t tell if he was trying to piss Terry off or if he was genuinely curious, but as a joke it didn’t work-Ian knows (or the old Ian did, anyway) better than anyone that Mickey was absolutely nothing like Terry, in any way, not just in sexual preferences. Another OOC comment to just make the viewer weep thinking about the old days. Also, having Terry know, let alone USE, the term bottom was also OOC in the extreme. He might as well have said, “All Milkoviches are cishet.” It would’ve been just as believable.

But back to the scene. Ian says, “Rapings, food, guards-I can handle that shit. I just need to know...” Terry interrupts him. “Anyone can handle that shit. (Again, me at home: Really?) It’s the boredom that’ll kill ya...Start reading books, lifting weights...” (Mickey already told him that about juvie AND prison-how dense is Ian that he never got it?) “But you’re in the same place, with the same assholes, doing the same shit, every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every god damn year. If I was you I’d pack my shit and run.”

Ian’s face while he’s running down all the segments of time seems to look like Terry’s getting through to him. And Terry telling him to take off is actually the best advice Ian winds up getting-in the long run Terry seems to care about keeping Ian out of prison more than his own family. Terry easily could’ve slammed the door in Ian’s face and ignored him. Does that mean I forgive Terry at all for everything he did to Mickey, Mandy, and Ian-not to mention his other sons and Svetlana? FUCK NO. But how telling is it that this show is now so bad that a villainous piece of shit like Terry is the one character we are listening to and agreeing with?

One last thing about Terry-he just got out, but he knows Mickey’s in Mexico? How? I’m hoping this is a set up for Ian being able to find Mickey next week (or at the end of the season if we have to wait that fucking long), but this show doesn’t do continuity anymore, so I’m sure there’s no logical explanation for Terry knowing that fact.

Fi goes to the Gallagher house looking for Ian and finds an empty box of hair dye, and a towel stained with hair dye, and that Ian’s drawers are empty. I also noticed that his pillow was gone-did he pack that up too? If so, I’m hoping it’s because he and Mickey shared it and he wanted to keep some part of Mick with him always, but we know this show ain’t about that anymore. Anyway, Fi goes and tells Lip she thinks Ian skipped bail and they have to go find him. Lip says no, Ian’s an adult. This conversation also just took place with Debbie-or takes place right after, the show was so boring I couldn’t keep the repeated scenes straight if you put a gun to my head.

WHY are the siblings so uncaring about Ian going to prison-or getting caught as a fugitive and spending even more time there? WHY is everyone so stupid about whether prison is “bad” or not, especially for their apple cheeked, puppy-eyed brother who is dealing with mental illness? Who may or may not be off his meds at any given time? Ian couldn’t even handle VISITING Mickey in prison, why does he suddenly think he could do a stretch of multiple years if not decades? All those years stealing cable and watching bootleg DVDs, did none of the Gallaghers ever watch Oz? In a prior season it was established that Lip has read so much he was able to determine a Louis Vuitton purse was authentic by the stitching and the lettering-he’s never read about prisons and how they affect young men that are in them for a period of time? “Hardened criminal” is a phrase he’s never come across? Lip doesn’t realize how hard Ian’s future as a convicted felon will be when he gets out? Trying to find a job (especially one with medical benefits), a place to live, all that stuff? This show is shit.

There’s a meaningless shot of Ian at the train station (we don’t even get to know where he was planning to run to-as if we didn’t know-show us he’s at least headed south, you bastards!) and then there’s a scene where Lip comes home in the dark to find Ian at the kitchen table eating ice cream right out of the Edy’s carton. (They don’t show us the flavor-it looked like it might be chocolate chip? I didn’t see any chunks of cookie dough or anything. Again, this is only important because everything else is so boring that actually knowing what kind of ice cream Ian likes would be interesting in comparison.)

I guess the ice cream is sort of a metaphor? Ian’s last sweet taste of freedom? Or maybe I’m reading too much into it and they just came up with something for the brothers to share and it couldn’t be beer-because of Lip, not because of Ian’s meds because god knows they never cared about that, plus we STILL don’t know if he’s just magically back on them-if he is, how is he paying for them? Anyway, after Lip’s earlier attitude about Ian being an “adult” and not caring all that much about him ever, he doesn’t deserve ice cream! Here’s a snippet of their dialogue:

Lip: So you didn’t run. Ian: Oh no-I ran. I just...ran back. (well, at least that’s in character since he ran away to the army and came back, and ran away with Monica and came back, and the fucking Mexican border, but I’m not happy about that fact)

They start listing the things Ian will miss if he’s gone for the next ten years. Debbie may be married to a woman (I would think her being divorced is more likely, but whatever, I won’t be around to watch it either, I’m gone as soon as Ian’s back with Mickey), Carl will be a war criminal, Liam will be the father of a ten year old, Frank, dead. Ian asks Lip, “You?” “Still in AA, if I haven’t drunk myself to death.” Ian says, “Do me a favor? Don’t.” IAN CARES MORE ABOUT LIP THAN LIP CARES ABOUT IAN. Always has, always will. “Lip deserves to get out of the ghetto.” But Lip’s fine with Ian going off to prison because of the whole Gay Jesus thing that he never even began to try to understand or help Ian find a way out of. This show is shit.

Next there’s a scene of Ian in a suit, dressed for court and talking to his Bible that’s on his bed (still no pillow-weird). He’s asking Shim to talk to him one last time, maybe give him a hint what he should do. His voice is soft and pleading and he’s almost in tears and all I can think is he needs Mickey to talk things out with. Lip comes to the door and says something like they’re all downstairs, it’s time or whatever. Ian gives the Bible one last look and seems to do a little wink-did he hear something from Shim? Would it kill this show to let us in on some things? This show is shit.

His plea hearing was so factually inaccurate it hurt. His lawyer doesn’t say anything, and when asked what he pleads Ian launches into his entire defense. And the judge lets him. OMGJ.

Again I’m pretty sure I’m witnessing a retcon when Ian says “A young man was being forced against his will into a van to be taken to a conversion camp.” Um, as I recall (and I won’t rewatch the episodes to get all the exact details, they were too stupid), a young runaway came to the Church of Gay Jesus and claimed his parents were trying to make him get conversion therapy and they were giving him drugs so he couldn’t get erections because they didn’t like the fact that he was gay, but when Ian talked to the dad he said the kid ran away on his own because he suffered from mental illness, was off his meds, and was living on the street and prostituting himself. As I recall the dad/parents didn’t say anything about conversion, they just wanted him home. Maybe the dad sought help from the guys in the van because there was no other way to get the kid home-none of this has been established for the court, if nothing else! This show is shit.

Ian gives a speech in a voice like wimpy Jeremiah trying to convince everyone Jerome was the bad one and it was just lame. He claims his family loved him unconditionally-since when? They only gave him crap about being with Mickey, or ignored him. And then when he became “like Monica” there were definitely conditions on loving him-mainly that he be on his meds. Right up to this episode they were all going around saying it’s time to let him go-they didn’t love him enough to want to keep him at the house and try to help him!

Anyway, he then states in open court he was off his meds and in a manic state when he torched the van. Then he looks back at Fiona and starts to give a tiny smile right before the credits. Was he lying to get a lighter sentence and he’s smiling because he got away with it? Or does he look to her like that because he knows she’ll be proud of him for finally telling the truth even if it disappoints/ruins the GJ movement (that is so implausible as a concept it makes my head ache)?

By next week the show will be in another writer’s hands and I’ll never get the answer to that question either, I bet. IF this means the-fucking finally-end to the GJ storyline, I’ll have to be happy enough with that.

In conclusion let me say that once again the only “great” thing about the episode was ZERO mention of Terror!

But the rest of the show was shit.

#Recap #Season Nein Episode 5 #Nobody wants it #So much to hate in this week's episode #They keep finding new depths to sink to

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thesearchforspirk · 6 years

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1 x 8: ‘Balance of Terror’ {Subtext Study}

Please read my manifesto here if you haven’t already- it better explains my beliefs as per the Kirk/Spock dynamic and what I aim to accomplish with this blog.

An admittedly shorter study as this episode is without any strong Kirk/Spock interaction to mull over. There are some interesting possible parallels here, but even in that respect I’m not sure I’ll say anything that the TOS Commentary hasn’t already said about this episode. For all these reasons this episode was a bit of a white elephant for me, so if you want to skip this write-up I’ll understand. Either way:

Our episode opens with a wedding on board ship and never has Kirk looked happier to perform his duties as Captain. The fact that this wedding goes smoothly is very important to him (because he cares that much about his crew and is that much of a romantic and I just love him ok) so when he gets a message from Spock that some Earth outposts are in trouble he privately, quietly acknowledges so that no one else will hear. Some shit is about to go down for sure.

(the fact that Scotty escorts the bride down the aisle thrills me to no end- it has nothing to do with this blog, I’m just a shameless Scotty fangirl)

Sure enough the shit does, indeed, hit the fan and two Earth outposts are attacked by some mysterious vessel. The wedding must be abandoned and postponed (someone really does NOT ship this) so everyone can assume emergency battle stations as the Enterprise runs to help. On the bridge Kirk tries to gain as much info as he can about the attackers, though there doesn’t seem to be any definite info. A certain navigator is keen to help though, offering up, “there can’t be much doubt who’s attacking, sir”.

He may be right about that, as it seems the earth outposts are in place to guard the neutral zone, an area agreed upon after a war with the Romulans a long time ago. It turns out said navigator had family members who died in that war so he’s got a bone to pick with the Romulans. Kirk tells him, however, that it was their war and not his so don’t make this a personal thing, bub...even if the attacker of the hour is Romulan, I guess.

Spock replies that a few of the earth outposts have been completely decimated, indicating that the Romulan power must be greater than they thought. Kirk and Spock exchange some concerned looks as the gravity of their situation becomes apparent.

Do you remember our cute wedding couple from earlier? We see them again, hard at work in what appears to be the engineering sector. The groom says, “Happy wedding day- almost.” and the bride jokes, “You won’t get off my hook this easily. I’m gonna marry you mister, battle or phaser weapons notwithstanding.” “Well, meanwhile, temporarily, at least, I’m still your superior officer- so get with it, Mister!” So, apparently cutie pie groom who has a striking resemblance to another certain cutie pie on the ship is his bride-to-be’s superior officer. She just so happens to be seated at a control panel acknowledging orders. I guess that’s pretty inconspicuous enough.

(yeah...nothing to see here)