#and since ive grown so used to hiding Everything when i tell ppl im. for lack of more specific terms. fucked in the head

[angelspenance]

(I couldn’t tell if it was stepping over a line to send you this ask and you do not need to post it, but-) I saw your personal post about struggling with being undiagnosed but feeling like something is Seriously Wrong even though doctors will tell you that you’re doing fine in school, and I wanted to let you know that your struggle is valid, and I’m sorry you’re not getting help and validation from ‘official sources.’ I like seeing you enjoy the things you like, and I followed you because I thought you were neat and had interesting things to say. I really hope that you can get the help you’re looking for and that you can get the sense, at least from me, that you’re valid and you aren’t alone

thank u this was a very nice ask to recieve :)

#asks #anon #im glad u enjoy me n my content & my passion for my interests! #my whole thing is that i Try to do things out of need to bc if i mess up i feel u know. worthless burdensome etc. #and since ive grown so used to hiding Everything when i tell ppl im. for lack of more specific terms. fucked in the head #they go 'no way haha i never wouldve guessed. cant relate. anyway' #like im competent out of need to be thanks to self worth issues but in reality just. everything hurts everyday #bc my poor mental health manifests in my body so i always have headaches and tight shoulders and back pain and i cant focus on anything #like the one thing i Did get diagnosed for was clinical depression and my doctor commented on how tight my shoulders were from my own mind #taking its toll. but still was like 'haha u should be fine' #and my parents dont want me on meds or anything and think im just being dramatic abt things and that technology is whats to blame for #everything about me and then dont listen to a word i say and get mad when i tell them how i feel so. there is That. #plus ive got a whole paranoia thing that nobody genuinely likes me thanks to having ex friends make a literal group hate chat about me #a few years ago and whenever ppl tell me that they appreciate me i feel like theyre lying even if i Know that theyre not and its just #a really weird feeling to shake. also ive got this thing where i wake up and i just feel innately Wrong? like ive literally woken up having #an anxiety attack and realized it hours later bc i have such a poor read on my own feelings bc ive been so detached from them for so long #like all ive got is 'something everything is wrong' 'full of love' 'i think im good rn' 'pain. suffering even' & 'intense fixation' #and this is like. the half of it #sorry abt the vent but ty for the ask it was rlly nice :') #wshdlf im so fucked in the head i find solace thru madoka magica </3

[elijahfitz]

and introduction.

meet elijah.

hey guys! im lina! im 18 and im in the cst timezone. im currently a freshman in college and ive also been rping for like 6 years now ( i started on the neopets chat boards. if thats not an embarrassing fun fact idk what is ) but i havent rped since this summer since school was and still is kicking my ass. im really into musical theater, marvel & dc, and disney! i also used to be a lifeguard at a great wolf lodge for 2 years so if u want any funny stories about stupid children, or even just wanna be friends, lmk! im also SUPER sorry this intro is so late. i was gonna do it yesterday but then my friends wanted to hang and it kinda went downhill from there. im actually posting this like 20 min before i have a lab practical so i wont be able to reply until late tonight, but like this post to plot or anything!

some fun facts abt elijah:

he was adopted when he was around 3-4? he was abandoned and left on the back of a merchant cart headed to corona, where he was then discovered and then put into the local orphanage since no one was sure where he came from or who left him. all he had was a stuffed bear (named wooly), a basket of water and fruits to eat, and a letter that explained that:

his name was elijah

he was 2 (born on february 28th)

his parents couldnt care for him, so they hoped he would be found by a kind soul who could either take care of and love him, or else get him to someone who could

they loved him and only left him in the hopes that he would have a better life

he lived in the orphanage for almost 2 years and the few months before the 2nd anniversary of his arrival, rapunzel & eugene visited the orphanage that eugene grew up in and fell in love w/ eli, promptly adopting him soon after. he barely remembers anything about his abandonment and time in the orphanage, but always wanted to find his birth parents and let them know how he turned out. he kept the bear and basket in his room but carries the letter around with him in his wallet wherever he goes.

his full name is elijah frederic fitzherbert. he was given the middle name frederic in honor of his grandfather.

but, he much rather prefers eli. doesnt mind formalities but insists on people who know him to call him by his nickname. except he HATES being called “highness” bc he thinks it sounds stupid. he wont get upset per se if u keep referring to him as “your highness” but he will get annoyed

he very much wants to fulfill his role as “corona’s golden boy” by contributing back to his people. he worries for the kingdom more than he worries for himself and is always trying to prove that he is worthy of being a prince rather than just some random kid who got lucky enough to get adopted. most of his days are spent doing modest favors and helping out the townspeople or visiting the villages surrounding the kingdom.

when he’s in the castle you can almost always find him in the kitchen! boi loves to bake and cook. he loves the way food can bring joy to everyone. he often makes goods to give to the townspeople or the kids at the orphanage, where he volunteers at least every 2 weeks when hes not busy w prince stuff.

has an acute fear of disappointment. he feels so much pressure to prove his worth that came from growing up thinking if he did anything wrong he’d be sent back to orphanage, esp since his parents had another child. they wouldn’t want or need him anymore. he mostly got over this when he broke a vase when he was 12 and tried to run away from home, except he fell out the tree that he used to climb out his window and broke his leg lmao. his parents assured him that no matter what he did they would still love him and never abandon him, and his dad also taught him how to climb trees and roofs without dying (much to his mom’s chagrin). even tho hes pretty much over it, it kinda lingers subconsciously. thus, he overcompensates in everything he does and gets overly anxious about small problems

growing up he thought the stories that his dad told him about his past were so cool, despite the fact that he would almost always only hear those stories when he was being taught lessons of what he shouldnt do. he used to run around pretending to be flynn rider and his dad played along, planning play heists for them to do together (think scott & cassie in that one scene from ant man and the wasp) but they stopped when eli hit that age where he thought it was embarrassing to play w his dad. but, it really helped him bond w eugene and help him work on his coordination bc eli is CLUMSY AF

eli legit trips over nothing at least twice a day.

he bonded w his mom through art tho, which eventually turned into aesthetic desserts and meals! thats another reason why he loves baking and cooking so much.

when his 1st sibling was born when he was 5 at first he was jealous. he didnt get much attention at the orphanage due to the fact that there were so many kids and he was just starting to get used to the idea of having parents didnt have tons of kids always trying to win their affection and attention. he thought having a little sibling was the worst thing in the world and would hide from his parents bc if they couldnt find him they couldnt send him away. he hated his sibling.

until he met them. the second he saw their chubby face he was hooked. he swore that he would do anything and everything for them. and that continued when his parents adopted his other siblings as well. he absolutely adores them and acts like the protective older bro role

thankfully, with such a large age gap eli never rlly had to go through any of those petty squabbles that siblings usually have. he was always pretty protective of them tho and would fight when he thought they were being reckless and dumb out of his own fear that if they got hurt he would be an awful big brother (again, fear of disappointment)

he loves to travel bc his mom would always take him to these extravagant kingdoms and on these amazing sightseeing trips

this boy is hopeless when it comes to love. i can imagine lots of ppl liking him on top of all the ppl throwing themselves at him bc royal, but him being completely oblivious and thinking that no one likes him.

he had rlly bad ADD as a kid but its gotten better as hes grown. he still occasionally struggles w executive functioning tho and always gets rlly frustrated when he cant focus or remember

like i said earlier, clumsy af. no coordination. the only athletic ability he ever had was horse riding and running

that said he has a horse named may (short for mayonnaise. dont ask

he likes music a lot. prob learned piano at a young age

he probably is at the party bc royals? idk

EDIT: although (currently) unknown to eli, his true birth mother is maleficent. when eli was 2, his birth father took him away from her and had her suppress eli’s natural born powers. his father realized he was unfit to care for him, so he was the one who abandoned eli.

wanted connections!!

obv his parents and siblings? i mean cmon

one ( or both???? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) of his birth parents!!!!! they dont have to know that eli is their son or mayb they do and are too scared to tell him, but being trapped together will eventually make it revealed

childhood friends! people he met when he traveled w his mom or met at royal social functions? i rlly also want friends that he would hang w at all the royal galas and stuff and they would go do dumb stuff like look sneak out and look for secret passages of make bets of who could dump more crab cakes into the stuffy duchess’ purse when she wasnt looking

people who know him solely through his family

someone who likes eli and eli legit has no clue, no matter how much they flirt and drop hints

people who hate eli! or even just dislike him, which makes him upset bc he doesnt like the idea that there are ppl who dont like him in the world. mayb bc sometimes he gets super highstrung when things arent going how they should b and he like lashed out at them once or something. maybe they hate his parents and on principle hate him. idk

someone who was w eli in the orphanage

past relationships? i feel like hes never rlly had a bad breakup tho, its just that they prob just didnt work out. hes also bi so they can b any gender. hes still looking for his otp

idk, legit anything. send me those plots man

#spelled.intro #this got LONG #i am so sorry #but hello i am lina #like to plot !!!! pls. im desperate

[jikooksgirl]

happy birthday to the love of my life🐣💘

to my forever true love, mi angelito de amor, my moon, sun, stars and constellations: 

im really the worst w words specially bc im just so in love w you i feel like my heart is gonna burst and i really cant organize my feelings, i’ve been so excited for his bday but now i can’t even think properly and words are just!!!! not enough they dont even come close not even a bit to what i want to express bc what i feel for you is beyond imagination and beyond any explanation this love is truly out of this world i never imagined i could feel something this strong but as always you’re surprising me making me feel every single feeling existing and not existing at once w just a little giggle you can make my world go crazy!!!! i fall in love w you over and over again like the first time every single second of my life. 

it’s already the 2nd bday i spend by your side and i couldn’t be happier, i still can’t believe how you completely changed my life and changed myself, i totally could separate my life in two periods: when i wasn’t in love w you and when i fell in love w park jimin. loving you has become the most natural thing in the world i literally look forward to every single day bc i get to love you and support you another day, you’re my home you’re the place i always come back to and where i feel safe, loved, appreciated, where i feel like nothing’s wrong, where my happiness is. i’ve been going through a lot, i’ve been feeling lonely and scared most of the time and by living so far away from my family im not even sure of what’s home anymore but just by thinking about your smile i just feel??? so so safe?? so welcomed?? it’s like every time i think about you smiling i feel like you’re hugging me and telling me everything is gonna be ok and i realized that’s truly home. it doesn’t have to be physical, it’s just the place where i feel the most safe and loved in the entire world, and that place is by your side. i cant even remember what was not loving you what was not being completely and absolutely in love w you and i dont want to bc you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, my most beautiful blessing and treasure and i just cant believe how was i even able to breathe without having you by my side.

i love everything about you, there’s really nothing about you i don’t love w every inch of my being, from your small angel dimple that is there bc the moon came and kissed you so many times and loved you so much that she decided to leave a cute crater on your cheek to remind you you’re her moonchild, to how big and beautiful your heart of gold is!!! you’re the one that teaches me 3849325235829 king of feelings i didn’t even know they existed, the one that made me believe in love again the one that broke my heart’s shell and showed me what true, pure and wholesome love feels like. you’re the one that makes me a better person, and inspires me to be the best version of myself. all i want to do is to learn to love you better, to deserve all the happiness you give me every single day of my life and every single action of yours is such an inspiration for me my love, you softened my heart you made me a kinder, more loving, more gentle person w every single thing you did you truly changed me and saved me and i’ll be forever thankful for that. 

i’m just incredibly and unbelievably proud of who you are, of how much you’ve grown and of who you aspire to be. you’re always working so hard, so incredibly hard i can’t help but worry about you but i know how passionate and how dedicated you are, and that’s one of the things i admire the most and i aspire to be like that one day too. you’re just so so talented, every single time you amaze me more and more. your voice is really the most beautiful voice ive ever heard and im not exaggerating, i can see how hard you’ve worked bc you’re always aiming perfection and even tho you think you’re still lacking when it comes to vocals, god jimin every time i hear your voice…wow. wow wow wow wo wow wo wowwwwww it has such an effect such a power over me, i feel such a beautiful and calming peace filling my body and i feel like im floating and flying in the sky, your voice is truly gifted by angels and you change so many lives just by singing my love and you don’t even realize it. 

you’re the human being w the biggest heart of gold i’ve ever seen, always caring so much about your loved ones, always giving all of your support, your love, your kindness, your gentleness, it just amazes me how much you’re always willing to give bc of love, and i hope one day i can be like that. but you’ve showed me that ppl gets happier if someone tells them they love them, if someone compliments them, that it’s not bad to expose your feelings for the ppl you love, that kindness is key, and you just make me want to do better in every single aspect of my life. honestly, if the person you love inspiring you to be the best version of yourself isn’t what true and pure love is, idk what it is. you’ve showed me that if i work really hard to achieve my dreams, if i truly want them and dedicate myself to achieve them, i can make them come true w my effort. you really are the most beautiful thing in this world my baby angel, you make so many ppl feel loved, feel safe, feel cared about, you’re always giving so much and sometimes i feel like i dont deserve all of this love you give me, but im so thankful for it. 

i just want you to be always surrounded by love and happiness, to be always healthy and to never doubt about the light in your heart, about how talented you are and about how precious, how loved, how incredibly important you are in this world. you’re irreplaceable jimin, you’re truly one in a million and i cant believe im this lucky to be able to love you and to see you growing up more. thank you for saving me, thank you for being my light when everything is dark, thank you for being my strength when i think i cant anymore, thank you for being the one, the one my heart wants to love forever and the one that shows me that the world isn’t that bad, that there’s still a reason to keep going, i dont know what would have been of me if i hadn’t ever found you. i never thought i could love someone i dont know irl this much, to the point of saying you’re the love of my life. i didn’t even know i was able to love this strongly, this wholesomely, this purely and intensely. it seems ridiculous right? but this is truly how i feel.

i feel like since i saw that gif of you smiling, my heart saw you and said “there he is, the one im gonna love for the rest of my life. my true forever love” and she was so revealed, bc she finally found you, she finally was at home. she wants to thank you for your smiles, bc oh your smile…SHE GETS ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! every time you smile that could outshine the brightest stars, every time your soft cheeks puff up and blush and your chocolate eyes crinkle up and disappear like crescent moons, when you’re laughing so hard your laugh squeaks and its the most beautiful sound in the entire world, how you hide your face w your baby hands when you’re shy, god everything about you mi amor, everything makes my heart go completely insane!!!! she started beating differently since i met you, there’s constant galaxies and constellations exploding inside her and flowers blooming in her bc of being in love w you. i swear i could look into your eyes until the sun comes up listen to your voice until all the music existing in the world played on a non-stop loop and feel the touch of your skin until all the oceans in the world ran dry and i would still not get enough of you!!!! there’s never too much when it comes to you!!!

i really could write a whole novel about how much i love you gdsogngksnkjndsh IM JUST SO SO SO SO SO SO SO IN LOVE W YOU AND I CANT STOP CRYING BC MY HEART IS ABOUT TO BURST. i just hope you’ll have the best birthday of your life, 100000 times better than the last one but not better than the next one!!! i just hope you have the happiest bday every single year and every time it gets better and better. i hope you receive lots of love, kind words, love letters, compliments, kisses, gifts, hugs nd you smile so hard and be so happy that your stomach hurts and you feel like your heart is gonna explode bc all of the love!!!! i just want you!!!! to be the happiest birthday boy in the world to not worry about anything else than your happiness today and to realize once again how loved you are and how incredibly important you are for so many ppl around you. i hope the members will spoil you a lot and will make you have such an amazing and fun time, i can trust them on that bc i know you mean so much to them. you mean the entire world to me mi angelito de amor, you mean everything and more i have never felt  a love like this and i NEVER want it to go away!!!! i want to keep learning to love you better i wanna feel this forever, i wanna stay by your side forever. i’d do anything for you i’d do anything to see your lovely soft smile and hear your cute giggles today i’d grab every single star in the sky i’d do anything to make you feel safe, special and loved!!!! i just wish that on the days you can’t love yourself and you feel like you aren’t enough and you hate yourself, my love would be enough for the both of us i really wish everything you knew was happiness and love!!! i hope everything you dream of, everything you wish of, will become real. i dream of seeing you succeed in every single one of your passions, and i can’t wait to keep supporting you on your way there. 

i’m just so glad you’re getting more confident these past days, and i hope you will be even more and more w the time, i hope you realize you can do everything, bc w a heart and talent like yours my prince, i firmly believe you’re able to do anything. you’re so brave baby, so brave and capable of everything, you’ve worked so so so hard and you’ve done so much to be the person you’re today. the future has so many more amazing things prepared for you, i believe that you will become so much bigger, so so big and appreciated and you will finally be content w your achievements. i will never stop telling you how proud i am of you, of your achievements, of who you are, of everything you do. i’ll keep supporting you, i’ll keep rooting for you, and we’ll keep going together side by side until we achieve everything we want. bc i also firmly believe, that if i have you in my life, i can do anything. 

thank you so so so so so so so so so so so so so much for being in my life, thank you thank you thank you i could thank you an infinite amount of times but it would never be enough!!!!!! i just have so many things to tell you, so many feelings im trying to express but words aren’t enough i just wished i could give you the biggest hug and fill your cheeks and whole face w all the kisses in the world i just LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH MY LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN!!!!! thank you so so so so much for saving me, for encouraging me to keep going and to be strong, thank you for keep saving me every single time thank you for being so endearing, so luminous, so enchanting, so radiant and lighting up my world more than any star in the sky!!! you’re truly like a dream, the most beautiful dream i’ve ever had and i never want to wake up. loving you is truly the best thing i’ve chosen to do, i’m just the luckiest person ever, the odds were for once in my favor bc i could find you. i just want to spend the rest of my life telling you how beautiful, precious and important you are!! i just want to hang stars and moons each night like love letters above your bed to remind you of how much i love you!!! because i love you more than words could ever explain, and im always going to be here loving every piece of you w everything. 

thank you for making me fall in love w you all over again every single day, thank you for making my world so much beautiful, thank you for making me the happiest person in the world, i sincerely thank the sky for your life, you truly changed mine for the better and now i can say im genuinely happy after all this time bc of you. felices 22 años mi amor, te amo más que a nada en este mundo!!!!!!!!!!!

forever yours, 

- lina🌹

#i had to delete sm bc i was getting to overwhelmed and this would've been so much longer im really sososososososososososo in love gofdnjfks #i know no one is gonna read this but i just had to get this off my chest bc im sososoosososososo in love ???? i love him the most in this #world i hope he has the best bday in the entire world and he has such a fun time and laughs a lot his stomach aches i love him!!!!!!!!!!!!! #mi amor's bday #happyjiminday #me; in love #love letter to jimin