#and she's like no i was joking

[ruushes]

sleeping arrangements (not sure tara would ever actually deign to sleep in the same 20ft radius as shovel but who can resist those big shiny insectoid black eyes 🥺)

plus:

#gale dekarios #shadowheart #astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #my art #want to promote a greater shovel presence in the fanbase. where is all the shovel content. where is my beautiful daughter #she is gale's familiar. to me. #he may not necessarily *want* shovel #but it's too late now #he's her wizard it might be more apt to say #tara is not in any way shape or form a familiar she's like. his aunt. #also i have GOT to develop a faster way of making things like i have so many dumb joke ideas i can’t be rendering shit. unsustainable! 😭😭

[brookheimer]

awards shows are ridiculous and asinine and are everything wrong with the entertainment industry. that is unless my favorites win in which case awards shows are wonderful and objective and are arbiters of merit and justice in a world devoid of true talent recognition

#this is a joke i still hate awards shows. but i am eating well tonight i must admit!!!! #golden globes #succession #kieran culkin #sarah snook #<— speaking it into existence #edit: SHE WON ! #not like there was any other possible outcome #sister sweep!!! #100 #500 #this time on posts i didn’t expect to get notes #1000 #lolol #5000 #damn y’all

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it'' #while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good'' #to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.) #edit to answer why we had so much vanilla: #my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house. #it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out'' #even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter. #my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out) #listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it. #3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF puppet and Michael Afton got beef,,

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #michael afton #mike schmidt #the marionette #the puppet #charlie emily #fnaf #fnaf 2 #fnaf movie #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #I don’t think the puppet likes Michael much pff #doesn’t hate him just knows what he did #I like how the puppet is seemingly more aware than most haunted animatronics #so it makes sense to me they’d talk so forwardly to the others #she’s mostly just joking and teasing here #I also think about how violent they were as lefty #so this blunt attitude + hostility in the games towards Michael #just adds to this personality #PUPPET MENTIONED 🔥🔥 #we love the puppet

[daughter-of-sapph0]

who had "jkr goes full nazi" on their 2024 bingo cards?

#dostxt #I feel like trans people and Jewish people have been saying she's a disgusting vile piece of shit for years #and now she's straight up posting holocaust denial shit on twitter #if you still buy her stuff at this point then I genuinely hope you kill yourself #I'm not even joking

[may12324]

Haircut day - after act 2

it's not the cuddle pile she wants to be in the middle of.

#baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate #bg3 #karlach #shadowheart #tav #fenn #karlach cliffgate #baldurs gate 3 #my art #fenn is my tav and shes stuupid but buff #like i like my qwomen #im joking #a little

[karshmallow]

[BG3] our dark urge Pearl you will be missed

#we're remaking her so shes not a dark urge #but i suggested we make her guardian her dark urge self and claire was like hell yeah #and we started making jokes like this #bg3 #balders gate 3 #my art

[words-writ-in-starlight]

listen I expected literally Nothing from the D&D movie okay, like I can't make it clear enough that I expected the most soulless money grab with a good cgi budget imaginable, I went in having already gone through every stage of grief and landed on acceptance and LISTEN

I fucking CRIED during this dumb RPG movie. it wasn't just "not terrible" it was objectively good with a clever plot and compelling characters and sincere emotional beats. this movie loves D&D so fucking much and it NAILS the "a bunch of goobers try to be cool and accidentally discover The Power Of Friendship And Also Great Violence" classic D&D party vibe. their barbarian's last name is fucking Kilgore and my entire family cried in the theater.

I hope they make twelve of these motherfuckers.

#honor among thieves #dnd #dungeons and dragons: honor among thieves #holga kilgore #she is a BARBARIAN whose name is KILL GORE like who among us has not been in a party with this exact character #some new player who picked whatever they were told was the easiest class and gave them a name that is 98% a joke #and just piggybacked their backstory onto the most experienced player's as like rp training wheels #and then smash cut 60 sessions later and we're all getting choked up over john dingus or whatever #do you motherfuckers know how rarely i cry????? about ANYTHING????? #god it was so good #i am going to watch this an unhealthy amount #i want a separate movie for every red wizard and also one about xenk's backstory #his name is X E N K with an X these writers have played some fucking DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS #do i have to buy dead in thay now?????? i think i have to buy dead in thay now #i literally ran dnd on friday and this movie put me in WITHDRAWAL i want to play some dnd Now

[rooolt]

if chilchuck’s lesbian daughter has 100 fans I am one of them, if chilchuck’s lesbian daughter has 1 fan it is me, if chilchuck’s lesbian daughter has 0 fans I am dead, if the world is against chilchuck’s lesbian daughter, I am against the world

#Yes I know her name is mayjack but the joke is funnier like this #I’m so obsessed with her she has no lines #dungeon meshi #mayjack #meijack #idk which one it is

[rosekasa]

i think what i adore about ladynoir beyond high school age (18 and over) is the opportunity it leaves for some of the most DELICIOUS best friends to lovers scenarios. because, like, two people who've been fighting side by side for years? who've known each other long enough to make jokes about it, haha remember when we were fourteen and you-- we AGREED to never speak of it!!!! who've spent so long learning each other inside out, even, in chat noir's case, getting over feelings, that the idea of anything romantic between them is so far off the radar that they don't feel the need for certain boundaries, because why would it matter if they made jokes about how attractive they find each other, about getting married, about how they could totally mess with the rest of the miracle team by pretending they're hooking up because it's so far out of the realm of possibility.

but then there would be that imperceptible shift. the moment where one of them makes a joke and it feels just a bit more loaded than it should. gazes lingering where they never lingered and playful smiles turning curious. the sudden awareness that, while maybe they were cuddling on a rooftop with their best friend, they were also wrapped up in the arms of someone they trust with their lives, and is extremely attractive, and, wait, if the only reason it was platonic before was because there were no feelings, what does THIS mean?

THE TENSION. THE PINING. THE INHERENT MESS OF BEING IN YOUR TWENTIES. PLEASEEEE

#as i go through more things in life i ache for ladynoir to experience it too #i want them to be at a grocery store and for him to reach out to tickle her and she turns around and makes a joke but their gazes linger way #too knowingly #i want them to sit down and have a 'okay like this is so tmi but isnt the concept of sex so weird??' conversation #i want them to joke about starting a podcast together #make impulsive amazon purchases that make no sense #find a song that one of them hate and then continuously play it on loop #compare spotify profiles and one of them steals the other's login to sabotage their spotify wrapped for the year #do you know i am so normal about ladynoir #♡alizeh talks♡ #tagged:ladynoir

[tibby-art]

canon event for me

#cub is soooo cool hes like come to my museum and look at my trinkets and martyn is like Hell Yeah!!!! #cubfan135 #martyn inthelittlewood #hermitrcraft #inthelittlewood #my friend and i have a joke from a time a group of us went to a barnes & noble #she was getting bored and i was getting overstimulated so she asked me if i wanted to go the toy aisle instead #so now we joke about ‘going to the toy aisle’ when were bored oberstimulated understimulated etc and want to go do something else #and cub and martyn basically went to the toy aisle #to me #art tag

[comradekatara]

in which zuko is still adjusting to the group dynamic, and katara's got jokes

#id in alt text #atla #avatar the last airbender #i like to think that this is set at the western air temple #when katara still hates zuko's guts #but she would simply never miss an opportunity to make a mean joke at toph's expense #zuko #aang #momo #katara #aang&zuko #aang&momo #momo&zuko #katara&toph #art #mart #[aang voice] good one katara! #if katara wonders why her dinner has 50% more sand in it than usual that night. well that shall simply remain one of life's great mysteries

[coulsons-band]

pedro pascal doesn’t owe you shit.

it is absolutely fine to be disappointed by his absence at cannes. i am too. but he does not have to be there.

for whatever reason he’s pulling away from the attention. the esquire article talked about how guarded he is and his socials have really slowed down. maybe he’s unprepared or overwhelmed by all the tlou hype. i mean his follower count went up by the tens of thousands the day after the premiere. that’s insane.

but some of you have lost the plot. the ones wearing d*ddy’s little girl shirts in fucking public and yelling d*ddy at him at events and trying to convince everyone whether he’s queer or not and complaining there isn’t an explicit scene of him fucking in the strange way of life. it’s not a gay porn made for your fetish. ‘oh but narcos!!’ that’s called characterization. read literally any article from almodovar and understand why sex isn’t the point.

interacting with paparazzi content and making cute little edits - jfc. that’s creating demand and supply and paparazzi know no fucking boundaries. man’s got anxiety and no doubt the paps and fans watching his every move are probably making that worse.

let him make movies and rotate through his four shirts in peace. pedro pascal doesn’t owe anyone shit.

#pedro pascal #sex being the whole point is what fanfic’s for #i’m not getting into an argument over ‘he loves it!! he calls himself daddy!!’ #that was a joke you all took way too fucking far #what’s he going to say?? ‘stop i hate it’ #you’d all turn on him in a second #and make it worse being like ‘idc i’ll still do it’ #this is exhausting #this is why i backed off in 2021 #when that livestream with his friend was just inundated with people asking about pedro #he could have lost a friend over that bullshit #she speaks #well rants but eh

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Don't Wormy About Me.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #yu ziyuan #Please allow me to make it clear how important I think the hug between YZY and JC is in regards to several aspects of their characters #For one - it is the resolution and reveal that behind all the harsh words and bitterness...She really did love her son. #A hug is a soft gesture that you would never expect from someone like YZY and the fact she shows JC this affection now - #-Tells us how she knows that this upcoming battle is a death sentence for her. #Her giving away Zidan is honestly overkill but another sign of her truly showing him how she loves him and wants him to survive. #The dread of knowing she's walking back to a fight without zidian and trying to keep up brave face one last time...chilling. #Zidian represents legacy and promises. And this is going to both save and destroy Jiang Cheng as he carries this weight alone. #Heartbreaking stuff! Didn't draw it in the comic because I wanted to draw a silly worm on a string! #WWX tried to help JC out of the knot but got stuck in it. #Those worm on a string tricks are harder than they look! #Also; it's been about a year since the last boat joke - but indeed this is the 11th boat of pd-mdzs. No need to do the math.

[anistarrose]

to me, the most fascinating (and utterly unintentional) feature of TAZ Balance's narrative structure is the way that on the first listen, Tres Horny Boys are the audience surrogates because they, much like us, have no idea what the fuck is going on, but on all subsequent relistens, then Lucretia, and sometimes Barry, and arguably especially Lup in the umbrella become the new audience stand-ins, because just like us, they are, in fact, painfully aware of what the fuck is going on :)

#taz #taz balance #taz balance spoilers #lup taaco #barry bluejeans #lucretia taz #and i really cannot say *especially* lup enough times #like lucretia and barry have their own meta roles in the story within the story #the meta-narrator and the meta-narrator's chosen meta-villain #but lup is the meta-audience #whenever thb wear red or joke about bringing barry back and we as the savvy audience get incredibly sad about it #lup is right there with us #she knows the twists and she knows the backstory and she is an observer who cannot tell anyone or save anyone #until she finally *can* #i love stories about stories and i love lup!

[starry-bi-sky]

Broke: danny runs away from bruce wayne because he reminds him of Vlad (bad, overused, fundamentally misunderstands Bruce’s character as a whole for a shit joke)

Woke: bruce wayne doesnt remind danny of vlad masters, but of his best friend sam manson

black hair? check ✅

jewish? check ✅

richer than god? check ✅

gothic? well, mister wayne isnt himself but he lives in the most gothic city on earth so quasi-check ✅

loudly and proudly an activist for various rights including environmental and womens' rights? check ✅

im tired of the "oh danny runs away from bruce because he's rich and reminds him of vlad" give me a danny who actually likes bruce because he reminds him of his awesome kickass best friend who is also stupidly rich

like i’ve been told about the whole “oh fruit loop joke” before and i still think its a cheap, shallow joke if i’ve ever heard one that flanderizes Bruce’s character to an impressive degree. Vlad and Bruce are only comparable in the same sense that they’re both rich and Bruce adopts kids — but he isn’t doing it because of the “adoption addiction” joke, he’s doing it because he sees himself in the kids he adopts and he wants to give them better than he did. Vlad wants Danny as his son to spite Jack, they are not remotely comparable beyond that.

Like, beyond that too i highly doubt vlad masters gives his employees benefits like bruce wayne does. who canonically hires reformed villains and has various branches of medical, industrial, technology, etc in his company in order to help the people of gotham. does Vlad Masters run charities, soup kitchens, etc?? is Vlad contributing to the community? No, no he isnt.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #yes i know its a joke. its only funny in moderation #its also a shit joke #dpxdc vent #this doesnt mean anything i was just getting this off my chest. dont come @ me about it being a joke #i will only repeat what i said: its a shit joke and i dont care #it should be said #also knowing butch hartman and his love for all things superhero i wouldnt be surprised if sam is genuinely meant to be a caricature of #bruce wayne. considering how a lot of other DP things are inspired of the DCU and MCU. Freakshow. the reality gauntlet. danny is reminiscen #of spiderman #like think about it: she's jewish. she's gothic. she's loudly an activist. she's the top athlete in her grade. she's incredibly rich. #she's slightly emotionally constipated. she might actually be supposed to be a caricature of bruce wayne