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#and seeing his life play out and prove them both right. because he dies at thanos' hand and he has caused death already
iosagol · 3 months
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The Boy and the Heron, lads
*lying facedown on the sofa*
Spoilers, all the spoilers
So can we talk about the cyclical nature of life and death
The way the past and future are linked to one another and just because the past doesn't get to be the future, it doesn't mean that's bad
"In the future I am dead," Himi says, essentially. "I am not afraid. You have seen me as I want to be remembered, and I have left books for you to open and leave open, and even though I'm not going to be alive anymore, I once was, and I loved you."
The fact that Himi's little sister is no more recovered from the grief than Mahito
she's grieving too over her sister, but her sister's husband is now her husband and did she really want this to happen? and she's having this baby
It's a lot to handle because someone she loves just died and right after this she's bringing a new life into a vicious world in the middle of this war
And she has this boy now that looks like her sister
so she goes into the forest looking for that peace that isn't at home
and just she's lying in that room with those circling…. fans? Fans made of bandages(?) just spinning around her it's a cycle of hurt and patching up wounds and getting hurt again and patching up wounds until her stepson is webbed in it and she's webbed in it and both of them are so in pain and trying to patch up their wounds and it doesn't do them any good
The fact that in order to find his mom, our boy Mahito has to go into the Secondary/Underworld and he has to get a fish and he has to survive and draw water and go looking for this woman and descend into the abyss and come out again and he has to shun power
It gives Spirited Away, almost, except Chihiro had to learn to mature in the sense that she had to consider others and respect and learn manners
she has to respect others
meanwhile Mahito has to learn to forgive himself for not saving someone he loves
he has to respect himself and stop hurting himself and be open to love again
So he's just... Living, for the most part, it seems. He's gutting that fish and eating jam and butter on bread and also soup and he has to bicker with Heron and drink tea and steer a boat and observe the complexities of life and death
He's living and healing
But really, there's no balance to the Secondary/Underworld the greatuncle made because he wanted every creature to thrive within it
And if all you have is life on top of life, then creatures are going to start killing each other
The pelicans are starving because the fish can't be eaten, they turn on the waro-waro, the humans rush to protect the waro-waro, both sides are burned
happiness for one and all is competitive, it's cutthroat
The fact that coming home looking scraped isn't enough, Mahito has to slam a rock into his head
He says it's to prove he fell down, but really that's the biggest mark of human violence
And he does it to himself maybe because he's just so angry with himself for being alive and well, while his mother isn't, and he needs to level that playing field to feel better
Self-flagellation
The overboldness of the dad, how he packs all his human gear and tries to elbbow his way into the Fae and it does him no good
how he tries to solve his kid's problems by again elbowing his way in and that also does nothing
The fact that our boy Mahito realizes something is wrong with the old ladies on sight
something about them is very inhuman
when he first sees them the look on his face he knows something is up because he's meant to go into Faerie and he doesn't have the preconceptions of the adults and he has to see the signs
I ugh
Ugh it's so beautiful, all of it
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I had a long argument with someone on whether or not stomping Belos before he dies was better than letting him die pathetically, and I asked myself if that is what fans really believe in... or if they would hail any Belos' death as the perfect one if Dana choose a different one?
They also justify the stomping as being part of horror-comedy genre and that Belos should not have any dignity what so ever because apparently letting him die in despair with no stomping is running the risk of making the audience feel "sorry" for him.
Honestly, these justifications make The Owl House feel more shallow. Like, why shouldn't the audience be allowed to feel sorry for Belos? What is the danger? That people would agree with Belos' views?
Or are we supposed to develop a black and white view of the world akin to a conservative view but inverted? And then hide behind the horror comedy genre to justify less drama? I hate to say it, but Nostalgia Critic is right about Belos being this strange outlier. The show seems to be afraid of actually doing a complex, tragic and yet irredeemable villain.
It doesn't make any sense to argue that Belos' death fits because of toh's genre as a horror comedy because the scene was neither played for horror nor laughs. At best, you have the image of Philip slowly being dissolved by the rain and then Raine's smug "that was satisfying" line. The overall tone of the scene is one of contempt as Philip tries one last plea to Luz only to be snuffed out (and weirdly validated) by the heroes. Its intent is to be cathartic for both audience (though as you know doubt know, YMMV) and the characters.
Frankly, despite its marketing, I don't see toh as either a horror or a comedy because it spends more time on slice of life stuff and high school teen drama and romance. And even when it does go for the horror and comedy, both are rather tepid. You want a real example of a horror-comedy for kids, then go watch Courage the Cowardly Dog or Invader Zim.
The reason why I argue the heroes validated Belos is because in the moment of his death, he clings to the idea that as humans, "we're better than this!" It's a moment of pathetic delusion that is appropriately met with silence but then it's ruined with Eda and Co. barging in with "Well, we ain't!" only to then prove his point by mercilessly stomping an already dying man to death. There's a reason why kid shows usually end with either the villain being imprisoned or not outright being murdered by the heroes. Evil has to die by its own hubris, not get killed by the heroes after the Big Battle when they're no longer a threat. I made a post about the importance of defeating a major antagonist twice.
Belos' death also doesn't work with a "Kill your oppressors" theme because the show isn't about that. The show barely spends any time showing why the EC is bad for the Boiling Isles and Eda is the only named wild witch we see getting harassed by them and even then, it's mostly played for laughs given how inept the coven scouts are (seriously, they're able to quit without fear of repercussions).
I think a reason fans are split on Belos' death is because of differing expectations; the fans who paid attention to Belos and the implication of his backstory and waited for every lie to come crashing down on him since that's what the show seemed to be building up to only to be unceremoniously ignored in the end were no doubt disappointed. Then you have the other fans who hated the character to the point that any gruesome death will do, regardless whether it made narrative or thematic sense or not.
Ultimately, I think the biggest reason his death doesn't work is because Belos fails as a villain.
Belos' status as a colonial puritan only works on a meta-level; it serves a cathartic release for marginialized people to see a representative of real world oppression beaten by queer characters as it fulfills the fantasy of finally overthrowing an oppressive system. The fatal flaw though is that none of this works on a narrative level because the coven system is either treated as a joke or simply a career path one must choose and we never see the disenfranchisement of wild witches. People largely get off scot-free opposing Belos, which undermines his credibility as both a dictator and a villain because no one cares about him until the plot needs them to. Luz doesn't even care about proving he's evil until Hollow Mind, which is halfway through season 2.
Belos as a villain only works if you project your own feelings and desires in wanting to see the Evil Christian/Evil Parent destroyed. While this is extremely satisfying emotionally, it does not make a sound story.
All the reasons why people like his death ("it's great the evil colonizer died so pathetically!" "omg, the white christian colonizer was killed by two queer people and their adopted son!" etc) are all meta reasons. And to be clear, it's totally fine if you thought his death was satisfying. But for many people, it did not work for a variety of reasons, including narrative ones. And that differing opinion should be respected instead of arguing some nonsense like "we have to make our villain as stupid/evil as possible or run the risk of people liking/sympathizing with him."
Belos should have died in a manner that connected back to his original sin: the murder of his brother. All of his lies and delusions and fear of being wrong should have played a part in the finale. He should have not died thinking he was right. He should have died realizing that all he did was for nothing. And that he is to blame. And that there is no one waiting for him back home.
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beanghostprincess · 4 months
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@lunaticus asked me to explain more about the relationship Sanji has with selflessness and why he thinks about self-sacrifice as a form of love and affection (thanks to Zeff, but that comes later). So I think it deserves its very own post!
So we all know Sanji has this thing for self-sacrifice (seen in Skypiea. Seen in Thriller Bark. Seen in WCI. Seen in Wano. Seen all the damn time because he always does this) and I think his parental figures play a big role in this (I mean Sora and Zeff, not Judge. Fuck you, Judge). Sanji uses self-sacrifice as a form of affection but also because he doesn't see his life as something valuable (now this is Judge's doing. Fuck you, Judge x2). Sanji's love language comes directly from both Sora and Zeff, and tbh I think Reiju too:
The first time he has any sort of connection to kindness and love is his mom. Sora literally sacrifices herself so Judge can't keep modifying her kids. She died for her kids. She died for Sanji. And she kept smiling and taking care of her little angel nevertheless because Sanji was her only joy. She ate stuff that was probably awful just because it made Sanji happy. It made him follow his dream. And he knew the food was bad but his mom ate it anyway, and that only made him want to keep working until his mom had a real, awesome meal. So Sora sacrifices her own life and her taste buds (RIP Sora's sense of taste) to make Sanji happy.
Then Reiju. It's not as obvious as the other two and it's not really self-sacrifice, but she does stay with an abusive family even though she could've tried to run away with Sanji. She saves him. Tells him to find better, kinder people out there. And she stays in hell because she sees herself as part of the family even if she isn't like them. The way Sanji speaks to her in WCI just makes it more obvious that even if she didn't sacrifice herself exactly (she doesn't see it as a sacrifice) she still has the same thinking as Sanji of: I deserve to be here. I belong here. But I'm gonna help Sanji run away because he doesn't deserve this. While Sanji thinks literally the same when it comes to leaving the crew behind.
And then, Zeff, who I think is the most influential one here. He cuts his own fucking leg to protect Sanji. For Sanji, a kid he barely knows, to survive. That obviously changes Sanji's life forever and he starts owing his life to Zeff (not owing, but, you know. He does at first and then it's more like the way a son feels about his dad giving up everything for him. It's just the way dads are, right?). It's the most selfless and self-sacrificing thing Sanji has ever witnessed. And it was to save him.
So of course, after all of this happens, Sanji sees self-sacrifice as a love language. The most important people in his life did this because they loved him. Of course he's gonna protect Usopp and Nami from Enel even if it means dying electrocuted. Of course he's gonna offer himself to feel Luffy's pain instead of letting Zoro do it. Of course he's gonna quit his new family to protect them from his bloodline. Of course he's gonna use the suit that makes him want to throw up to fight for Wano and of course he's gonna take his life so lightly, asking Zoro to kill him if he loses himself.
The main difference between these situations and what Sora/Zeff did, is that Sanji genuinely doesn't care about what happens to him. He doesn't see his own value and he doesn't care about dying as long as he gets to protect others. Because that's just the way love is for him. And we don't only see it in these dramatic moments, but in the way he treats people. In the way he cooks (such a selfless passion, wanting to serve others). And in the way he flirts with women (it looks exhausting, the way he's trying his best all the time to make them feel worshipped).
So, yeah, Sanji is selfless to an unhealthy extent because he sees self-sacrifice as a love language. And it could be, if it wasn't because it's his main way to prove his love. And it could be, if it wasn't because it ends up hurting him every damn time and he doesn't even care. So it ends up being dangerous.
I hope you liked my lil analysis on this! I think I could expand the idea a bit better but this is just the basics about it and Sanji's personality <33
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zweetpea · 3 months
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Chapter 4 The Present TBRAHE
Turns out quite bad. Suguru Geto is quite bad. How do you know? Because the first thing he said to you once you two sat down for tea together is…
“Don’t worry I don’t have any of them lurking around.” He spoke those words so calmly. 
“What?” You replied. 
“Monkeys.” His smile held no animosity towards you. It was scary how serene this should have felt. His estate was Neolithic, but not necessarily in a bad way. Koi ponds and tatami mats instead of rose gardens and Victorian tea furniture. It left you with a comforting feeling; however, that was quickly negated by Suguru’s strange comments. “Honestly I don’t know how Satoru could choose one of them over his sorceress wife. Even if your marriage isn’t happy he should at least be with another one of our kind.”
“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down, what are you talking about?”
“Oh that’s right, you don’t know what I call them. I’m talking about Non Sorcerers. I don’t associate with them.” Suguru’s smile was relaxed, it… scared you for a reason you couldn’t quite pin. 
“Why not? What do you mean by monkeys.” 
“They’re not the same species as us.” 
“They’re human!” You try to reason. 
“So, what are we? Freaks? Monsters?”
“We’re sorcerers, but we’re still fundamentally human. We’re not much different if you think about it. We bleed the same. We fear like they do. We love the same way they do. Why do you hate them?” 
“Why do you love them?” 
“My best friend is a non sorcerer. She’s the most important person in my life. When my mother died she held my hand. When my father remarried she stayed up all night with me trying to figure out if she was a good match for him. And when both her and my little sister died in birth she dropped everything to stay by my side, every second I needed her.”
“That’s nice, but how many curses has she killed.” 
“…what…?”
“Sorcerers are the only ones who can kill curses.” 
“That’s not true. We put energy into objects, non sorcerers can use cursed weapons. That’s actually what I came here to talk about.” 
“The Zenin act. That’s why you came here?” He chuckled. “How many of them would be willing to die for us? Sorcerers have been fight on this war for months because of the advancing forces of Ryomen Sukuna and his general Mahito. What have the mere humans been doing?” 
“Farming! You know, to feed the army.” You say sarcastically.
“That’s something other sorcerers could do. The “Humans” aren’t particularly unique in skill sets. They have nothing a sorcerer couldn’t do.” 
“That doesn’t mean that they can’t be useful. The Zenin Act has merely stopped them from providing that they are just like us. Suguru, they aren’t different from us. Please, help me overturn it.” 
“Prove it. You said you have a monkey friend. Prove that your friend can be of some use. Even if she’s only good for being a clown.” 
“Fine, come over tomorrow at noon and I’ll show you how incredible non sorcerers can be. I hope you have the day you deserve, Suguru Geto.” You said as you mounted your horse. 
Once you arrived back at the palace you untack Pendragon and walk into your rose garden only to see carpenter and gardener running amuck in the place and your Shuttlecock of a husband overlooking them. 
“Satoru! What are you doing?” He looked over as you shouted at him, his familiar eye cover graced your sights. 
“Don’t worry. I’m not taking anything away. I… I’ve been feeling bad about what I did to you. I shouldn’t have brought Marissa here on our anniversary. I thought… maybe I could do something to make it up to you. So I asked Addison for some advice on a gift and she said that you love the little snake thing I gave you. Therefore I thought of combining three of your favorite things, your roses, quality time with Addison and the snake, and I decided to make a… pet play place thing, with a lounge for you ladies… I don’t know… it sounded better in my head.” 
“Oh… um… thank you. I honestly thought that you hated me and wouldn’t ever give me anything.” 
“I don’t hate you. I just can’t say that you’re the love of my life.” He looked away bashfully. “I do want this to work out. Admittedly you are a better ruler than me. I’d be lost without you so, I’ve wanted to do something for a while to thank you but I’ve been… busy.” 
“With her?” 
“…yeah, sorry.” 
“Can we get some more yellow roses? And maybe some more pink ones too?” 
“Oh uh, sure. I’ll order some.” 
“Thank you Satoru.” You smiled softly. This was definitely the first time you’ve ever smiled at your husband. 
He’d never tell you, and you’d never know but that one small gesture sent him spiraling. He wanted more, he needed to see that small smile more. Being spoiled as a child taught him that as long as he threw enough money at the problem he could have whatever he wanted. That smile reassured him of that philosophy. 
“I’ve got to go now. Suguru is coming tomorrow and Addie and I have to prepare.” What have you gotten yourself into. You’ve let tantalus eat from the tree and now he longs harder for what’s been snatched from him.
You explained what happened that afternoon to Addison and she looked worried. “Hey cheer up.” You wrap an arm around her. “You’re one of the most talented people I know. From cooking to ribbon dancing you can do it all.” 
“Well, you’ve always funded my endeavors. I have you to thank for all my skills.” She blushed. 
‘She’s so cute! I want to boop her nose! I wonder how she’d react!’ You thought excitedly at the image of her scrunched up face at the action then pouting at your teasing gesture. 
“(Y/n)? Ma’am? Are you listening?” She broke you out of your daydream and you ushered her out blushing madly at the thought she caught you in a vulnerable moment. 
The next day you found Addison rehearsing a routine and just decided to leave her alone. Marissa and Satoru were at breakfast and you took your food and left them alone, out of respect for Satoru. 
Your office felt quite lonely, until a small dragon snuck his way in through the window. He floats toward you and lands around yours neck. “Riko! My darling, how are you?” He licked your cheek. “You’ll keep me company surely?” He hopped off of you and rolled around on your desk. “Riko, I need to work. So please just sit and be good.” He hoped into you lap and settled down for a nap. His white scales and golden hair contrasted sharply against your long emerald dress. 
20 minutes later a knock on the door sounds. “My lady? May I come in please?” The voice wasn’t familiar to you. 
“Yes.” 
“Hello, please call me Chisa, that’s what all my friends call me.” He was 5’1, long black hair tied back in a ponytail, wisps of his bangs fell around his forehead, and dark red eyes pierced into your soul. He wore standard armor like the other guards. 
“Chisa: Small and precious. That’s certainly a fitting name.” He blushed at your compliment. “You wouldn’t happen to be the guard my father has arranged for me?” 
“Yes, sometime within the past week he sent you a letter yes? I’ve also been told that Duke Geto is here.” 
“To the garden!” You got up and ran out of the office with Riko and Chisa. 
The guest list went as follows: Satoru in a blue three piece suit, Marissa in a long lime green dress, Rachelle in standard maid outfit but with gold jewelry, and Suguru in a navy blue black kimono, with a gold and green sash around the middle. He looked more relaxed in those as opposed to the normal suits he wears at most of the events you’ve seen him at. 
The three of you entered, then Addison followed a few minutes later. She wore a white dress shirt and black pants. 
“Hello everyone.” She greeted. “I have a few things for you all.” She sets down a basket of cookies. “First some sweets I baked. Secondly, I have prepared a special show for Duke Geto.” 
A string quartet comes out and she started her dance. It starts out slow and quickly speeds up as she pulls out a ribbon and twirls it around. It’s like that ribbon was an extension of her own body. Eventually she whistled and Pendragon rides out towards her. She jumped on quickly and started trick riding. Finally she makes a flip and lands then bows as Chisa and I applauded. 
“Why does she get to ride that stupid horse?” Marissa whined 
“Because she’s my best friend, she has my permission to and always will.” You looked at her like she’s crazy. 
“Well, that was certainly quite the show. However, I’m not impressed.” Suguru looked away sadly. 
“Suguru, come on. I’m not even that close with the maid but I think she was incredible.” Satoru reasoned. 
“I don’t know. I think, if you really cared about your little monkey, you’d do just about anything for her.” 
“Don’t call her that.” You grit your teeth. 
“If you want me to sign the appeal of the Zenin Act, I want you to give your blessing to Satoru and his mistress. She makes him happy, so it doesn’t matter to me what she is.” 
“Fine. I’ll stop the animosity, go ahead and date her.” You responded. 
“(Y/n).” Addison called sympathetically. 
“I don’t know. I think that you should prove it.” Marissa smirked. “Give me your wedding ring.” 
“What? No, May May.” Satoru tried to stop her. 
“It’s fine Satoru. It’s just a chunk of metal.” You reason. You take it off and hand it to her. 
“Yay! Now we’ll match Ruru! I’m going to go get yours!” She hurried off. 
“I didn’t see that coming. Sorry.” Suguru apologized.
“Like I said, it’s a chunk of Metal. I’ll go to my office and get the papers. I’d like you both to sign them if that’s okay.” 
“Yeah.” Satoru nodded as you and your posse left. 
Riko ran off once you four were back inside. “You guys go bring the papers to the boys. I’ll go make sure he’s not causing trouble.”
You ran off in the direction of your dragon friend and once you found him you froze. Before the two of she was a blond woman in a long line green dress kissing a man who was not your husband. 
“Oh shit.” You whispered as you snuck away. 
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moonstruck-poet · 4 months
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His Brave Girl
Pairing - Tom Hiddleston x reader!
Summary - You are a NCA Investigator and have an ongoing case to rescue women and children that have been kept captive. The mission of course isn't as easy and can also prove to be life threatening. But with an incredibly supportive husband and a strong team, it doesn't seem all that impossible.
Warnings - blood, fighting, curse words, assault and harassment, mentions of death.
This was a light introduction to the story, things will surely get interesting soon. Hope you like it <33
The elevator dinged as the doors opened and you heaved a sigh before getting in and leaning your back against the wall, eyes closing briefly due to exhaustion.
"Does this thing get slower every day?" You muttered to yourself after getting off and pulled out the keys from your pocket while also holding the stack of papers in one hand.
You walked inside, placing the key in its usual place and dumping the sheets on the dining table with a loud thump.
"A new case then I take it?" Tom entered the living room, a small smile on his face on seeing you as he walked closer.
"Yeah," you couldn't help but smile yourself upon seeing his homely appearance. "Missed you today, love".
"Ditto darling," he whispered and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close against his chest and breathing out heavily. "God was it tiring today," his face turned down a fraction before you kissed that frown off, making his lips twitch.
"It's okay," you murmured in his ear and played with the strands of hair on his neck, "I'm so proud of you".
He merely tightened his hold, glad that you had understood him so easily. No wonder he had known you were the one from the minute your relationship bloomed.
"Is it okay if we go out for dinner? I wanna take a walk with you," he pulled back, hands still on your waist as he stared into your eyes.
"Of course, Tom. Let me just get freshened up and we'll leave immediately," you kissed his cheek to quickly go and wash.
After a quick but soothing warm shower, you decided to wear a simple pair of black skinny jeans and a beige button down. Tying your hair in a ponytail and putting your phone in your back pocket you were ready to leave.
"Let's go then," you switched off the lights, him smiling appreciatively at your simple outfit as you two walked out, locking the door and then entwining your hands.
"Why didn't you put on a jacket? It's cold," he said the minute you stepped out in the dark.
"It's fine, Tom," you replied and he took your tangled fingers, placing them in the front pocket of his coat making you laugh. "So what's the current mood? Chinese or Indian?"
"Indian," the two of you said simultaneously and grinned at each other.
"I think you're starting to rub off on me," he chuckled and squeezed your hand. "My spice tolerance is quite high now".
"That's a pro of marrying an Asian, and especially an Indian, my dear," you said happily, swinging your hands like a child.
You entered the cozy Indian restaurant and ordered some starters, wanting a quick bite before moving on to the main course.
"What's the recent case about then, love?" He questioned, adding quite an amount of the spicy green chutney to his dish making you smirk.
"Oh recently we got the news that about 30 females, both girls and women have been abducted right from the streets, probably for slavery. So we gotta track those motherfuckers and play tit for tat," you said and he noticed your jaw clench with anger.
While Tom's heart sank. He was used to hearing such cases every other day, especially since his own wife was a crime investigator but it hurt him every damn time.
"Don't worry," you took his hand in your own, rubbing circles on the back. "We're gonna rescue them, every single one of them".
"I know you will. But still it just hurts, to know that every three days, somewhere in this country a woman dies, all because of violence. How do people even think of committing such sins, such atrocities?! The humanity is dying and it feels like nobody even cares anymore".
You pressed your lips together sympathetically, agreeing with every statement of his and just being so glad that you had such a passionate husband.
"I'm gonna do my best, we're gonna catch all of them and make them suffer," you said firmly and he nodded.
"I'm there with you through every step of the way," he said softly making you simply stare at his beautiful face before smiling widely.
The rest of the dinner was quite peaceful, with only small talks made here and there as you both actually enjoyed the silence.
"Ice cream?" He asked immediately once you stepped out of the restaurant.
"Sure," you laughed at his excited face and wrapped an arm around his torso and him swiftly pulling you close by the shoulders and pressing a kiss on your head.
You two were chatting, about his work, about your work. The past week had been quite busy. What with you attending meetings about the recent case and him shooting endlessly for the Night Manager.
"I really can't wait to see you all decked up in a suit on the big screen," you grinned, all giddy inside while he let out a noise of surprise.
"But you've seen me in a suit numerous times, that too right in front of your own eyes," he raised an eyebrow.
"You don't know the magic you show on the screen, Hiddleston. It makes me go insane," you said, turning a little red making him chuckle as he too blushed.
A sudden shout interrupted his next comment and you two stopped, frowning at each other before finding the source.
"Oh shit," you muttered and his eyes widened at the scene in front of him. There was a man, forcing his way on a young lady who looked no more than 20 years of age.
"Come on sweetheart," the creep said, a sinister smirk on his face as he pressed his forehead against her's, making her thrash uncomfortably.
A furious rage built up inside of you as you saw random citizens watching the scene with interest and not bothering to move a muscle.
And immediately your footsteps quickened as you almost sprinted forwards with Tom hit on your heels.
"Hold this," you pressed your phone into his hand and before he could utter another word, you had pulled your sleeves to your elbows and ripped the man off of the girl.
"Get away from her, asshole," you said, your voice deep and cold and your husband felt himself freeze upon seeing you in action.
"Uh yeah? And who the fuck are you to tell me to get off?" He said coyly. "You're a fiesty one, yeah? I like those type," he said and stepped closer daringly.
Tom had never before felt such violence inside him but he held himself, knowing you had the situation under control. You wouldn't want him to get in trouble, whereas you, you had legal permission.
"And I like catching people like you," you retorted, smirking and within a few seconds you had pinned him on the ground, your knee pressed to his chest as you lounged on him casually.
"You done now? Cuz me and my husband would really like to get some ice cream," your eyes narrowed and he groaned when you pressed down hard.
"You okay?" Tom went to the terrified young lady while also maintaining a respectful distance, knowing she must be scared.
She couldn't fathom anything and was shaking violently while he watched helplessly, not wanting to cross any boundaries at all.
So he resorted to words, "You're safe now, don't worry at all. My wife-" he gestured towards you, halting midway after noticing the criminal's awfully bleeding nose and your deathly expression and grimacing slightly.
"Um are you alright? Did he hurt you anywhere?" He asked again gently once she had calmed down.
"N- No he didn't," she shook her head and fixed her rumpled clothing. "You- You were just in time, thank you so much".
"Hey no, there's nothing to thank about," he smiled and they noticed a police car coming closer.
"There comes your ride," you said and pulled the grunting man to his feet. Your face shining with sweat and slight blood coating your right cheek.
"Goodness love," Tom muttered, wincing at his terrible state but looking hella proud at the same time.
"Aaron," you greeted your friend cheerfully, "A new parcel for you mate. You're welcome," you added when he raised his eyebrows at the assaulter's bloody face.
"Let's get going then, bastard," Aaron gripped him tighter and offered you a full salute and you nodded.
"One last thing," you said and stepped back making the others stare warily except for the officer who didn't bat an eye as you delivered a perfect side kick, breaking the man's jaw.
Aaron laughed as he turned towards Tom who had adorned an expression of shock, "Be careful there, I wouldn't want to get on her bad side. This one can really pack a kick".
"Wouldn't dream of it," your husband chuckled lightly making you roll your eyes as the man was dragged inside the car and off they went.
You finally turned to look at the still shivering but composed girl, "You okay darling?"
She didn't say anything and fell into your arms, her being considerably shorter compared to your rather tall figure. "T- Thank you," tears flowed down her cheeks. "I was so sure I was going to die right there".
"Hey," you said and rubbed her back with your left hand that was not stained with blood. "You're safe now though aren't you? That's all that matters".
She backed off, still sobbing and wiped her tears, looking at you with such gratitude that you yourself could feel your throat burning.
"Do you live close by?" You asked and when she nodded you offered to drive her home, knowing her mental state was sensitive.
"Here's my official card, I'm a NCA Investigator so you're safe with me," she nodded and you were glad to do so, wanting her to feel as secure as possible.
"Come on," Tom guided her softly and opened the back door as she got in and he seated himself in the passenger seat.
It took about five minutes to reach her home and you parked the car in the driveway, both of you getting away and stopping after noticing that Sofia hadn't even opened her door.
"Hey," he knocked on her window and she jumped, snapping out of her thoughts and got off upon noticing that she was home.
He went ahead and ringed the bell and was greeted by a warm middle aged woman who smiled but her expression soon turned shaky after taking in the state of her daughter and she shouted for her husband.
"Oh my darling," the father gasped and took his girl in his arms and she started crying again, emotions flowing out uncontrollably.
The two of you watched in silence, your hearts breaking at the exchange and praying to god for keeping everyone suffering through such horrible experiences safe.
"How can we ever thank you," the old lady walked towards you and took your hand in hers, silent tears running down her cheeks. "You saved my daughter's life. How can I possibly repay-"
"No no don't say such things," Tom interrupted her, embracing the woman and you noticed tears staining his face too making your heart clench.
"But really, thank you, both of you," Sofia's father said and pulled Tom in a hug and shook your hand.
"She's safe, and that's all that matters," you said softly before handing them a card. "This is a helpline number that works 24/7, just give a missed call whenever you feel threatened, though god forbid something would happen again".
The woman stepped closer to you and cupped your cheeks motherly making you stutter, "And you, take care of yourself, look after you wife," she adressed Tom who nodded with a smile. "You're out there putting your life in danger for the sake of others, but be mindful of your own too".
"Y- Yeah, I will," you swallowed the emotions and gave them a professional salute and a low bow before taking their leave.
The walk to the car and then the drive home was passed in complete silence, both understanding that it was a need.
Tom only switched on the dim, yellow lights, bathing the room in a warm glow before turning to look at you properly.
"Love?" He asked softly, standing in front of you and placing his palm on your cheek. "You're okay, aren't you?" His eyes scanned yours, eyebrows drawing in closer in worry.
"Yes, I'm okay. I deal with this pretty much everyday, you know".
"You've hurt yourself," he looked at your badly bruised knuckles as he examined them.
"I handle such things everyday too".
"But that doesn't mean it hurts less," he said simply and you nodded. "Carrying a certain weight every single day does not mean that it's not heavy".
"You're right".
"Oh c'mere," he opened his arms amd you fell into them gratefully, inhaling his familiar scent and trying to take to focus your mind. "You said to me earlier that you were proud of me. But honestly, my work doesn't even come close to yours. It's me who's really damn proud to call this wonderful, strong and brave woman; my wife".
"Yeah?" You looked at him with glistening eyes, pressing your lips together.
"Yes. Not everybody can even fathom the work you're doing. I'm your husband for God's sake amd know all about what you do. And yet you saw it for yourself how terrified I was in that situation".
"You are amazing, the most brilliant woman I've met and goodness am I so, so proud of you, my love," he touched his lips to your forehead tenderly. "I already love you more than anything, but somehow you made me fall even harder".
"I love you too," you whispered and buried yourself right in his embrace.
===============================
Taglist :-
@thedesibitch
@herdetectivetheorist
@chronicallybubbly
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rezonan · 8 months
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Would the Bat-Clan/Family really be better off without Bruce?
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You know. I often hear the critism that Batman raises child soliders or whatever and I happily.... Agree, I mean it's obviously what they are. Kid vigilantes are something that should have become extinct in comics since the 70s but DC kept them. I don't really care cause I love them so much and I don't like to push realism into comics in a world where aliens exist and vigilantes actually work as a method to bring Peace.
What I'm hear to argue about was that Bruce was probably a GOOD(kinda?) thing for them honestly. So let's imagine a world where Batman faced with the opportunity to take in any of these kids as Vigilantes and give them training and tech/supplies refuses or just ignores them or just never even meets them.
You have
Dick - who tried to hunt down Tony Zucco by himself
Barbara - had gone out as Batgirl on her own
Jason - lived on the streets in Gotham, we meet him trying to steal Batman's tires.
Tim - followed Batman and Robin around with a camera for years before being Robin
Damian and Cassandra - both trained assassins since birth
Stephanie - was already already a vigilante before Batman took her in and is the daughter of Cluemaster
Duke - was a member of the Robins gang that tried to keep the piece during Batman's absence.
Leaving out Batwoman and Huntress because I have yet to read through thier stuff(forgive me). Will get there eventually though
Right of the Bat(Pun intended)
Dick is likely dead, let's be real. No 10 to 13 year old is taking down a small gang of criminals without training outside acrobatics. In some versions even his father who had the same exact training plus actual muscle couldn't take them down.
Jason is a 50/50 there is a big chance that he becomes either another criminal in the endless see of early Gotham or a vigilante protecting crime alley and die eventually either way. Sadly there's a bug chance he becomes one of those faceless mooks Bruce punches every now and then. You could argue this is a better fate than his time as Robin and Red Hood but I disagree
Tim probably has the best ending here. He could literally just stop following Batman and have a completely normal life. That or he dies eventually following Batman around.
Barbara has police self defense training and is insanely smart. I actually genuinely think there is a solid chance she survives her time as a vigilante if she plays it safe and picks her battles. Heck if she survives long enough she could even hook up with Huntress or something.
Damian if Bruce rejected him and with no Dick in this world. Not only doesn't become a Robin but either goed back with his mother to satu with the league or becomes a sorta frank Castle style vigilante trying to prove himself to his father.
Cassandra is interesting. Not exactly sure but I think she has a chance to be picked up by some other hero out there that or she straight up gets found by her dad or mom. But if this was a connected world kind thing she probably gets picked up by Huntress and Barbara maybe?
Stephanie imo doesn't last particularly long without sufficient training. Good chance of her dying in a similar way to war games actually (god I hate that story). Again if you see this as a whole world, she probably gets picked up by Huntress and Barbara too.
Duke unless he gets his metahuman ability is pretty surely gonna die eventually. I know the least about him so not much to say here.
I'm incredibly open to arguments against my opinions tho. But I genuinely think Bruce did more good than bad here. Especially with Dick. Who while being dead would never be able to reform Damian or help Bruce chill out during those early years. To talk about how his death would affect stuff like the titans and the wider DC universe.
Damn maybe the guys who say he's the heart of the DC universe have a point.
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maximumdante · 5 months
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TVORNICA KULTURE 10/11/2023
It's still hard for me to process what really happened yesterday. At this point it has been the best concert of my life.
I really thought nothing could beat Tavastia because Tavastia was and always will my first Joker Out concert and the first concert it's always special, right? I was so wrong.
What can I say? The guys were so happy. They had so much energy and you could tell they (Bojan especially) were having a great time in first place. It was fucking great to see them wearing Stožice outfits with my own eyes and to listen finally all the missing songs that were not played on nordic tour. Omamljeno Telo and Padam, I'm talking to you.
Jan proved once again he's one hell of a musician. When he plays he enters in his own world and he transforms. He's crazy, yet sexy, yet so sure of himself because he knows what he's doing. There was a moment where all of them went in the back to leave room for him and one of his solos and my mouth was wide open all the time.
Bojan interacted a lot with us (while both talking and singing) and it was so fun to me because he spoke Croatian the whole time and I was like "whatever you say, darling".
A Sem ti povedal killed me in its entirety because at some point I realised I stopped understanding Bojan words and I realised he had switched to Nisam ti još priznao. He sang it both in Slovenian and Serbian. People died (me). Then came of course our beloved Jance moment and when I saw Jan giving Nace a little friendly puch on his belly and then letting his head against Nace's chest my heart skipped a heartbeat. It felt so intimate.
Last but not least, a special thank goes to @meta1 . We were in touch since maybe a couple of weeks and she agreed to meet me and my girlfriend and we spent a lovely evening together the day before the concert, enjoying Zagreb by night. We even managed to catch before the concert started despite being organised differently (she saw us from the sixth row, we were in the front) and it was so funny. I hope to see you again in the future, you made it twice special.💕
Now, for those who read all of this enjoy my glory moment where Nace saw my sign (Nace, if you love turtles please give me five! With a pic of my turtle on it) and I got a high five plus a pick WITH A TURTLE ON IT.
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doevademe · 10 months
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Short prompt: What if Nico was a year older than Percy? When Annabeth, Thalia and Percy went to Westover Hall to look for the Di Angelo siblings and saw Nico checking his Mythomagic cards (even if he's 15 he is still a lovely freak) Percy's first thought was "I want to play with him" and the second was "OMG he is dark and cool" and he got so crushed by teen!Nico. And being the adorable Seaweed Brain idiot he is, the first thing he does is going near Nico and blurts: Hey, I'm Percy. Wanna dance with me? (Remember they were on the school dance) What happens next, I'll let you think~~
Percy was uncomfortable.
But he needed to be here. Grover had found a couple of demigods, siblings, and very powerful. The loud music filled the cheaply decorated gym as he, Annabeth, and Thalia shuffled awkwardly trying to blend in.
Usually, he got expelled before any big balls like homecoming or prom ever took place, and he felt really out of place among the 11-16 year olds just dancing to the music or hanging awkwardly by the punch table.
He really wanted to join that second group, but Grover was panicking, since he only caught sight of the older sibling, a girl that was sipping from her fruit punch and looked like she wanted to run away or go Carrie on the attendees.
"We might find the other one on the dance floor," Annabeth said. Her tone seemed to be hinting at something, but Percy, for the life of him, couldn't think of what.
"You and Grover can do that," Percy said distractedly, then he turned to Thalia, missing his best friend's frown. "Can you stay by the one we found? We don't want two missing demigods."
Thalia looked like she wanted to argue solely because Percy had proposed it, but bit her lip and nodded curtly.
"What about you?" Annabeth asked, looking intensely at him.
"I'll... look by the bleachers," Percy said. Anything to escape this atmosphere.
He ran away before Annabeth could protest, and once he was behind the bleachers almost tripped on a guy wearing tweed sitting on the floor, organizing a deck of cards.
"Is that... Poseidon?"
His father's visage was extremely accurate, as he swung his trident around while atop a chariot pulled by hippocampi.
"One of my favorites," the guy said back. "He gives the best terrain boons if you have the right deck."
Now Percy didn't know what the guy was talking about, but the way his velvety voice said it made his throat dry as if he was tossed in the middle of the desert.
"Oh, cool," was all he could say. The guy looked up and smiled at him. Percy froze. His eyes were dark like an abyss, and his pale complexion almost glowed from the reflection of the gym lights.
"You're also hiding," he stated simply. Percy could only nod. "Me too. My sister is far more social than me. She gave up on making me interact with others long ago."
"Um... I'm Percy, by the way," he said. And because he hadn't proved how lame he truly was yet, he added, "Wanna dance with me?"
The guy looked shocked before looking back at his hand full of cards. With the low lighting it was difficult to tell, but his cheeks may have turned slightly redder.
"Everyone would see..." He said so low it was almost lost to the music. "Do you... maybe want to stay here and... play with me?"
"Okay!" He said stupidly, not even hiding his excitement at sitting close to the guy. "I don't know how to play, though..."
The guy smiled again and beckoned him closer. Percy followed and sat down as if bewitched.
"It's okay, I can teach you," he said kindly, offering him some of the cards. "I'm Nico, by the way."
"Nice to meet you, Nico."
Percy didn't know how much time passed as Nico explained the basics of Mythomagic (apparently it used both cards and figurines?), but he was entranced as this cool, older guy taught him how the game worked and a few tricks to the deck he had lent him.
"Okay, I think you're ready," Nico said finally as he set his deck down. "Let's start."
"Peercy!" Grover's familiar bleats interrupted them. Percy was about to look at him in annoyance when he noticed how panicked he looked. "The girl is... oh, you found Nico."
"You were looking for me?" Nico asked, and Percy remembered why he was here. The demigods. Chronos rising, make sure he didn't have more supporters.
"I... I guess I was," he managed to say. Nico looked bemused. "It's a bit of a long story, you see—"
"There's no time!" Grover interrupted again. "Dr Thorn! He... has Annabeth, and Bianca too! Thalia is going after them, but—"
"My sister?" Nico stood up, worried. "What does that creep want with her?"
"We'll explain later," Percy promised.
Despite being worried for Annabeth, a part of him was also excited. He could finally show Nico that he could be cool, too.
"Right now, we have a rescue to go to."
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deathbxnny · 28 days
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So this was a one-shot I originally wrote for an Oc of mine a while back, but because I really liked the angst, I decided to post an edited version on here, too. This is very self-indulgent, and if any of you have any jjk requests, PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME AAAA-!
Content: MAJOR SPOILER WARNING FOR THE SHIBUYA ARC!!, Character death, heavy angst, hurt no comfort, reader is a little mean to/angry at Yuji?, bitter ending, mentions of blood/injuries, mentions of canon violence, slight hint at Megumi x Reader?, very self-indulgent
Reader was originally female, but this can be read as gender neutral.
((Not fully proofread))
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《If only you hadn't. (Yuji x Gn!Reader)》
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Things were better back then.
When you two were simply best friends since childhood, having spent every day with one another, and then continued doing so once you both became curse users in rather odd ways.
You always knew that something was... off about you. From seeing weird and sometimes even scary monsters to having unnatural abilities only Yuji ever got to know about. It didn't come as a surprise to know that you are a sorcerer. But Yuji swallowing a whole finger of all of things was definitely surprising. You both didn't take your situation as seriously as you perhaps should have, too blinded by the prospect of knowing that you'd be together again as always once more.
But now, hiding behind large pieces of ruble in the dark, barely lit Shibuyan underground, injured and scarred in unimaginable ways, Yuji realised what a mistake all of this had been from the start.
Or rather, what a mistake he had made that broke your friendship beyond repair.
You were sitting against a cracked wall, legs pulled to your chest, wide eyes staring right through the cold pavement below you. Right next to you was Yuji in a similar state, his arms bandaged rather clumsily in the black fabric of your uniform's jacket, his body hunched over with an empty gaze like yours.
The silence was deafening. So much so that it made you tremble with feelings you've tried to keep down for so long. Feelings you've always felt so guilty about having from the start.
You wanted to go home.
Not back to the school or the dormitories, no, you wanted to go home. Back to your familiar streets and your old, boring life. Back to when you were just yourself. Not a curse user. Not a sorcerer.
Just you.
You had been trying to keep away those dark, bitter thoughts. Keep the scorching hot anger at bay, whenever you got hurt, whenever you woke up with the most horrible nightmares. Whenever you nearly died. You felt suffocated sitting next to him now. In fact you could barely remember the lighter, better days with him, when you felt happy and free at his side.
Only a love letter in a dusty shoe box under your bed proved that you ever felt that way now and something about it made you wonder who was really at fault here.
Was it Yuji? Sukuna? Both? You? Or perhaps everyone played their part in it. You didn't know what was worse.
"... What should we do now?" You whispered breathlessly to yourself, not expecting or really wanting an answer from the boy next to you. You knew better than to think he of all people would know anyways.
But it was so suffocating-
Hissing out a string of curses, you pushed yourself onto your wobbling feet, slightly wincing at the pain that rushed through you before you began patting yourself down. Your hands were shaking, brows furrowing in thought.
Had you... Had you imagined picking your phone off the ground when you were being attacked? You remembered it so vividly, the cuts in your uniform proof that you had indeed nearly risked your life for it. If Mahito had expected you to dive right under him for it, then-
"-Ah!" You gasped softly, in relief mostly, when you finally felt it in your pocket. Gulping, you retrieved and opened it. There was a deep crack across the screen, but it thankfully still worked and had enough reception for a single call. You could feel Yuji's intense and so painfully knowing stare burn into the back of your head when your thumb suddenly froze over your call log.
Who... who should you even call? Who was left?
You bit your lip and opened it anyway, despite knowing better. And the first name made you already regret ever considering it.
--
"Kugisaki<3"
--
Your first ever girl best friend.
The one you always joked and laughed with. The one you always went shopping with. The one that kept your back clear during fights and made sure you were always okay.
Now laying somewhere in her own blood, stiff bodied, the single eye that was left staring up into the cracked ceiling above. You could imagine Kugisaki's phone vibrating in the crimson liquid; what would usually take seconds for her to pick up, now forever taking an eternity.
--
"Gojo-sensei :D"
--
Right.
One mistake, a single second of hesitation. That's all it took for your strongest line of defense to be captured and the hunters turning into the hunted.
You doubted that there was any reception in whatever prison realm Gojo was sent into. But you for once hoped that this all was just another stupid prank of his. That he'd suddenly appear and tell you that it was just another tasteless joke.
And yet... you knew that even he wouldn't find any of this funny.
--
"Maki☆"
--
You remembered the way the older girl caught fire whilst pushing you out of Jogo's way. You didn't see where she had run off to afterward, mainly because Maki herself had screamed at you to run. You felt ashamed knowing you had done just that, unable to help.
You shivered at the memory of the warm flames passing by your face, the small moment in which you and Maki locked eyes, before she was engulfed in them. That image, those screams, will forever be engraved in your mind. Especially in your already ever worsening dreams.
--
Was she alive or dead by now?
You didn't have the courage to find out, the guilt making you want to die.
"Megumi♡"
--
Your eyes softened at the sight of his name, your heart beating against your ribcage with a painful ache.
Megumi.
Just where was he now?
He had been holding onto your hand and running through the empty streets earlier, before you both got suddenly separated by that odd man... then you bumped into Yuji, who saved you from that weird guy with the cursed blood technique.
You shifted on your feet nervously, cringing slightly at the iron taste from how hard you bit down on your lip.
Was Megumi still alive?
Something in your soul felt heavy at the thought of losing him, especially. It was odd, as that feeling only once belonged to Yuji.
Deciding to bite the bullet, you pressed down on his number and held your phone to your ear.
But... with every other and longer ring... more tears fell from your eyes until you hung up on your own and dropped your arm with a shaky sigh. The silence was only filled by the sound of the call disconnecting and the last of your reception dying with it.
Yuji stared at your now completely defeated form, your body only illuminated by the flickering subway lights hanging broken from the ceiling. He watched you weakly raise your hand to wipe away your tears, soft sniffles leaving you as you trembled with every quiet, heartbroken sob.
He knew you had tried to call Megumi.
And now, sitting in your cold shadow, he realised that he had lost you from the moment he became a vessel.
Ever since you two got to Jujutsu tech, you and the black haired, stoic boy had grown oddly close. There was an understanding between you two that Yuji couldn't ever come close to feeling. He was so awfully jealous in a way that made him feel so guilty. He felt like he was losing his best friend.
His crush ever since he could think.
So since the beginning, right?
"... Nanami is also dead... there is no point in-" "-SHUT UP!" You screamed, before turning around sharply and throwing your phone right at him. He moved his head just fast enough to evade it, the device breaking into millions of pieces, a shard cutting right through his cheek. And yet he still continued to stare at you with this burning intensity that made you nauseous.
The tortured soul in you wept for a way out, but all you could do was stand there, panting heavily in anger and panic at what you had done, until you let out another yell and burried your face into your hands. The words spilled out of your mouth uncontrollably, scorching and burning with pure, unrelenting rage. All Yuji could near selfishly think about, however, was that he was happy you were still here with him.
That you were alive enough to hate him.
"Why me!? Why!? What did I ever do to any of you?!" You didn't know who you were really talking to. Was it Yuji? Sukuna? The sorcerer world that had doomed you since the beginning? You didn't even know what enraged you more. "All I wanted was to have a good life with you! A simple one! I want to go back to the boring, old lectures filled with Kanji studies and math. I wish I never learned of who I was-" You looked down at him again from over the tips of your fingers, broken and teary eyes, yet the rage fit you. But the tears hurt. "If only you hadn't-" That's when you stop yourself at last. Despite everything, you still couldn't blame him directly like you should.
Because in the end, it wasn't his fault either, was it?
You both were screwed anyways.
Wiping away the last of your tears, you slowly walked over to him and slid down the wall slowly, your legs finally giving out. The silence returned, Yuji not saying a word anymore like you had asked.
Pulling your legs to your chest, you buried your face into your arms and that was that. You didn't move afterwards, in fact, you didn't want to anymore. What was the point?
Even if things got worse, it didn't matter anymore. And he knew it too.
Yuji opened his mouth hesitantly, wanting so desperately to save your friendship, before he simply lowered his head again and closed his eyes in defeat.
If only he hadn't made that mistake... then you would've never ended up here.
Then, this empty, wide space in between you two wouldn't symbolize your end.
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So uhh... a little bit of a different one-shot than usual, but the JJK brain rot is making me crazy, so take this as a quick intermission from my other requests. I hope you guys liked it though! And if anyone has a JJK request, whether headcanon or One-shot, PLEASE LET ME KNOW I BEG-
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marshymoss · 11 months
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BSD 107 SPOILERS
//SPOILERS!! AHHHHH!!!! I'm putting my thoughts here because I have a moot on Twitter that I don't want to spoil things for....
OK. SO. You know how Dazai is Not having a good time rn.... like bro is seeing the pearly gates. And Chuuya (who is not in control of his own body) is on his way to kill him via Fyodor's orders.
NOW, many people, including myself... ARE SO EXCITED FOR THIS SKK REUNION!!! like... so many monumental things abouta possibly happen. SUCH AS (list off the top of my head): 1. Chuuya bite Dazai vampire style and that nullifies the curse. Aha. i can imagine the edits now. (and to see that animated at some point.. ough) 2. Skk beats up Fyodor double black style ;) 3. Skk bantering that we have missed so so so much 4. Chuuya potentially faking being vampire, lifting his hat up, and looking at Dazai... "You missed me?" OR "You look like shit. Almost makes me forgive you for that stunt you pulled with the water." 5. Dazai being carried princess style by Chuuya ahhahahtg73849ewk 6. Now, what me personally wanna see.... Chuuya BOOKING it down the halls trying to get to Dazai in time. I don't think this will happen because the shock value of seeing Chuuya actually faking being vampire wouldn't be as good. BUT OH BOY AM I IMAGINING IT. 7. oh and Chuuya having his own flashbacks ab their relationship too!!
IM SO EXCITED FOR JULY YALL. EEK.
Now, I don't think Dazai is going to die. But. It a possibility that we cannot ignore.... and I've got some angst that it can cause. Like. Agh. This is the reason I'm making this post; I want to shock others with fear. Fear that I don't want to suffer through alone. NOW, MY ANGSTY LIST FOR HOW THIS SKK INTERACTION MIGHT PLAY OUT:
Fyodor calls back vampire Chuuya (Sigma situation) and he doesn't make it to Dazai in time and Dazai dies Alone. (I don't think this is going to happen at like. All. But it could! Maybe!)
Turns out Chuuya is faking being vampire, but he gets to Dazai and it's too late to do anything (poison kicks in, bro bleeds out, etc.) He dies in his arms! ^^
Chuuya is forced to activate corruption, Dazai can't save him because BROKEN LEGS and both Chuuya and Dazai die (i will stop reading bsd.
Chuuya kills Dazai as a vampire, the curse isn't nullified (FYODOR is the one who sent Chuuya there afterall) and this is when we get Really Angsty: (1) It's obvious that Chuuya and Dazai care for each other on some level, even if you don't ship them. Chuuya would be killing somebody that he cares about, and he would probably blame himself for it. Dazai is somebody that he has known for SEVEN YEARS!! That shit would HURT!! The sheep, flags, all of his subordinates that have died on the field, now Dazai. (2) NOW as for DAZAI!! If I remember correctly, Dazai says something along the lines of "Everything I want I lose" or something like that, right?? Now. Imagine this. Dazai, someone who craves death and constantly tries to commit suicide, dies. OK so what?? No. I think that Dazai very much wants to try and stay alive, it's hinted at multiple times (15 novel, his character song, a much happier life with the ADA in contrast to the mafia, etc.). Let's circle back to what I said earlier, "Everything I want I lose." Dazai goes full circle from wanting to die -> wanting to live -> dying. It hurts and it would prove what Dazai thinks/thought is right!! Everything he wants, he can't have! (Also, cherry on top. He hates pain!! He would be dying a very, very painful death. He even says that he is in a lot of pain in the chapter) OK, ONE AGAIN I DONT THINK CHUUYA OR DAZAI IS DYING!!! im sorry. lets.. focus on the positives!!! Sskk reunion yayyy! (it's also really painful to think about them)
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octopusoptimusprime · 2 years
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why mike wheeler is autistic
by me, your friendly neighbourhood autistic :)
overexaggerated facial expressions
we might be starting off with what seems like a bit of a reach here, but hear me out
mike doesn’t show emotion visually on his face a lot (also an autistic trait) but when he does it’s usually over-the-top and there’s other people around
the way he looks at el in the ‘i dump your ass’ scene - looks to me like he’s playing up the disgust/confusion/anger face because lucas/max can see him. (i also think the fact that it’s not really clear what emotion he’s trying to show proves my point)
‘what about us?’ in rink o’ mania - when he turns around you can see him look genuinely blank/blindsided by will’s comment (this also has romantic/byler implications) but then he arranges his face in a mask of anger
taking things literally
this is mostly just a bullet point solely for the ‘so i should get her something that literally says ‘i’m sorry’ on it?’ scene from s3. because i think that from what lucas said, a nt person would understand what he meant, and an autistic person is more likely to assume the literal meaning, as mike does here
copying others’ examples of ‘normal’ in terms of life/relationships
ohhh i could talk about this one for ages. so much proof on why milkvan is so incompatible lies here too.
so the way mike views his relationship with el is very performative. it’s very putting on a show of normalcy. the fact that the only thing they do together is make out because that’s mike’s perception of how to show people they’re happy together. and it clearly must be mike’s perception, because what opinions would el have on situations like that? the way they make a big show of leaving the party in 0301 to do this also proves it’s mostly for show.
when lucas comments on this when they go to the cinema together, mike defends himself, calling it ‘romantic’, when both hopper and the party can tell there’s something distinctly abnormal about their relationship. that’s because it has very little substance. mike and el don’t actually know very much about each other, which is why mike had such a hard time picking out a gift for her at the mall. but mike thinks that their relationship is normal, and is healthy, because he’s trying to replicate the relationships around him, but he doesn’t have a very good basis for this as he is most likely going off of stancy and his parents, because he sees very little of jancy together, and lumax (arguably the best canon couple in the show) call him out on his relationship’s unhealthiness.
autistic people tend to have a hard time in relationships, because it’s difficult to tell between genuine attraction/a healthy relationship and performative but toxic relationships. speaking from experience, i understand mike completely here. but he also craves stability, which is why in s4 he fights to keep that stability that he has in el, even though he knows now it isn’t right. we accept the love we think we deserve, and autistic people (in my experience) will put up with a lot of toxic and harmful behaviour/situations in order to keep a stable relationship, because we expect people to leave us if we aren’t directly benefitting them. i struggle with this a lot, which is why mike’s storyline in s4 really resonated with me.
difficulty with emotional regulation
with mike, he either has zero emotion or a lot of it, and this kind of ties into the next point, but difficulty controlling emotions is definitely a mike trait. sometimes he is very monotone/blank and can come across rude. a prime example being the dinner scene after rink o’ mania, where mike says ‘she didn’t look fine’ and el storms out.
of course, the opposite of this is when too much emotion comes out at once, usually manifesting in anger for mike (and me too). the rain fight in s3 i think is actually a great example of this, because to me mike has spent a good amount of time masking around lucas, talking about the girls and pretending to be disinterested in dnd - because of lumax’s relationship, i think mike felt a lot of pressure to act the same way as lucas and change his interests here. i don’t think mike intended to hurt will’s feelings, and i think he genuinely didn’t realise that he was. and then the rain fight happens, and to me it looks like mike is so exhausted from masking, and so confused and scared by will’s reaction and having upset him, that this manifests in anger and frustration which is most likely at himself rather than will. he is just projecting the anger he feels at himself (for hurting will and for having to ‘pretend’/not having the same interests as lucas)
i also think the rink o’ mania fight shows this, because it’s the same principle - mike is frustrated with himself for not being the ‘perfect’ boyfriend/not caring about el as much as he should’ve, and this manifests as anger at will (again). i think will is the only person that mike doesn’t really mask around (the ‘will voice’!!), but unfortunately will is also the person he takes his frustration out on when he gets overwhelmed. seeing as this wasn’t the case in s1/2 (because it came out at other people then - lucas/el in s1, hopper in s2) but now that mike is aware of his feelings for will (yes, i do think he knows about how he feels, but he doesn’t think it’s reciprocated & uses it as another reason to hate himself) he outwardly blames will for his relationship problems even though he inwardly knows it’s his fault (& he feels horrible about that too. because there’s no reason why he doesn’t love el the way she wants him to. the way he wants himself to. he just can’t. and he feels like that’s just another thing about him that’s wrong.)
suppression of emotions/masking feelings
so like i said, this is kind of similar to the last point, but it’s mostly just that we barely get to see any emotion from mike other than anger. there are multiple times throughout the show (but especially in s4) where he’s shown to almost smile and then quickly mask it. he’s hyper-aware of how he ‘should’ react in situations. this is just a pretty autistic trait in general, the overanalysing/trying to predict situations in order to act ‘right’.
echolalia/repetition
so this is a verbal stim, and because mike isn’t shown physically stimming (to my knowledge) i think the way that he often repeats words or phrases is his way of stimming. (& not to be depressing, but since it was the 80s any physical stims had probably been ‘disciplined’ out of him).
saviour complex (cue the pheobe bridgers)
i sort of mentioned this earlier, but it’s basically that autistic people have a hard time with self-worth, and the most common way we allow ourselves some self-appreciation is by serving other people. the ‘i can fix them’ mentality is quite common among autistic people, and this is a huge part of mike’s personality. his driving motivation throughout s1 and s2 is ‘saving’ will, along with protecting el and teaching her about the world. (i do think that the reason mike and el connected so quickly and had a sort of mutual understanding was because i also think el is autistic - & this is also why platonic elmike as a dynamic has so much potential and i like them a lot). this ‘fixing’/‘saving’ mentality is a way for mike to prove his own self-worth, that if he can ‘fix’ everyone else maybe he’ll be worth ‘fixing’ too. (i put ‘fixing’ in quotes because obviously there’s nothing wrong with mike. at all. he just believes there is.)
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(i do also want to add that his talent/academic ability also shows this, as ‘gifted kid syndrome’ is a very popular autistic situation/trait)
(also i think his special interest is dnd which is why it hurt him so much in s3 to have to mask that, and why in s4 he’s so happy about playing again. just watch the hellfire recruitment scene and tell me his little ‘it has 20 sides!’ isn’t the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. <3)
okay, that’s all i have for now! please add onto this with anything else you’ve noticed or anything like that! i love you guys and i love mike wheeler a lot so thanks for reading if you made it this far lol <3
edits:
very black&white sense of justice
another ‘taking things literally’ moment being at the end of s3 when lucas says to mike ‘that’s the olive branch’ and he js goes. huh???
autism dinosaur hands!!
@biigiiiii pointed out that he does have other physical stims like blinking/nodding/playing with his bag straps/pacing <3
his attachment to his toys in s1/2 (playing with el and when karen asks him to give them away he gets Very upset)
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joelletwo · 1 month
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(second post) extensively noted im RLY unclear on a lot of endgame gintama. i am disabled and it makes me a bad reader and im irritable abt it and i dont really want anyone to explain things to me on this Specific post lol. im just thinking things thru to myself.
hard to hold a lot of sugi's gayass trauma mental processes in my head all at once. the elisions between destroying the world [math symbol] destroying gintoki who stands in the way of that as a universal constant [math symbol] destroying the political foundations of the country from the inside using connections with the same forces (this guy does NOT understand the larger background plots of gintama and isnt sure if this is correct ->) that in part got his teacher killed and set this whole thing off* [math symbol] destroying himself.
(*side note i think there was a real missed opportunity to bookend all of sugi's political maneuvering which was treated by the plot as. SIGNIFICANT. and extensive. and effective. and one step ahead of all the chars we see pre-utsuro reveals. by revisiting it after the utsuro reveals and coming down on his schemes as either ultimately fruitless and really just getting him in over his head bc he didnt understand the real forces at play OR still effective bc sorachi wanted to retroactively say he and katsura understood all the shadowy background shenanigans. but zura kind of takes over the role of political maneuverer. but worse and stupider.)
(not a WHOLE lot under the cut its just getting unwieldy as a post.)
like if he just wants to kill himself why does he have to take the world down with him (katsura planning a beautiful death seppuku line). if he's doing this out of love for gintoki (canon fact.) why does gintoki need to be broken.
but if i stop trying to untangle what materially he means by all of that then i can understand sugi's actions post-execution as kind of in parallel with my understanding of oboro and utsuro's, which is to say, they are acting on behalf of what they think are universal laws of nature both because they believe in them and also to push the world to the breaking point to test their immutability and prove their fatalistic worldviews right or wrong. [with gintoki as the main tool to do so.]
sugi's inability to reconcile gintoki's decision to save them over sensei bc he cant understand how he'd possibly deserve it + resents gintoki for going against their understood mutual sensei as number one priority + grieves for gintoki having to bear that cross. um. turns into the desire to. destroy the world that made gintoki cry -> gintoki is an unshakeable barrier of protection in front of that world -> prove that the world sucks and isnt worth protecting by making it into sugi's own most pessimistic conceptions of it from childhood that shouyou had started to prove him wrong about -> push gintoki to a point where he will realize that he chose wrong and sugi was meant to die instead
and in parallel. avenge the death of the man who had shown him a better path in life -> throw away the life that man had sacrificed himself to protect -> um if i go down this path i just start rewriting reductionisms' proofs on seppuku and bushido again. waves hand. take the contradictory tragedy as laid out.
like utsuro trying the open mind+open heart gambit for one life and then immediately giving up. and oboro. well oboro is harder to unpack and summarize for me. but he serves utsuro's goals in service of his own goal of. proving rebellion like he and shouyou tried is futile? takes it upon himself to destroy shouyou's legacy to prove it's okay that shouyou-the-concept died. idk a lot of layers going on in oboro its not important to focus on here.
the. making a half-step of progress into a better world that you're having to pioneer and imagine into existence. and then, when u fail under the world's pushback, deciding to undo all that progress with your own hands. and one guy says no, it's still possible, and im going to do it. and you're like. what if i made it as hard as possible so that if u succeed despite that u realize my dearest hopes with IRREFUTABLE proof so that i dont have to face how scary it is to try without knowing if its even possible.
WHIIIIIIIICH. i find all of that incredibly sexy on all of their parts. i enjoy it a lot i like it when humans act out of irrepressible existential fear bc fuck man. living is scary. thats basically the backbone of every gintama antagonist and gintoki [who carries on shouyou's desire to fight and win against his own nature, and thus is himself an antagonist].
whiiiiiiiiiiich. makes it so interesting that these three specifically. other than bansai lol. are the ONLY!!!!!! real casualties of the story conclusion. that gintoki DOES carry thru and realize all their hopes of the world for them by beating them as obstacles. AND they dont get to live and see the fruits of it. but im not prepared to unpack what that means narratively at this point in time.
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Honestly the moment you started talking about SBI with Niki I wanted to gobble it up. It’s perfect, it’s delightful, it brings some balance without sacrificing any of the feral energy. Ideal, tbh.
Also, Niki feeling doubly betrayed by Wilbur bc of the family connection after he blows up L’Manberg and dies and THEN he comes BACK and doesn’t even have the guts to come talk to her, she has to find out from HER BROTHER AND FATHER that he came back. Delightful.
You didn’t ask for this but listen up! I am gonna rant about how fucking underrated Niki is, and how fucking perfect Wilbur, Techno and Niki as triplets are.
Niki is probably one of, if not the, bravest characters on the dsmp. She doesn’t get enough fucking credit as a character, especially in season one.
Niki is such an amazing character though, because she literally influences how other characters act by just being in their presence. There are multiple examples, but many characters tend to act as their best selves around Niki. Tommy treated her with respect and listened to her, she saw the good in the “evil traitor Eret” and Wilbur was able to express some actual moments of vulnerability with her! She’s not a master manipulator, or exceptionally good at reading people. People just naturally fall into place in being better around her.
And then there is the whole election arc. Niki was badass as fuck in the election arc. She proved herself to be a character of loyalty, determination, perseverance, and courage. She openly defied and opposed Schlatt wherever she could. And that was despite Schlatt constantly singling her out and making her life a nightmare. She never faltered once because of her conviction; she knew she was in the right!
At the festival, she proved it yet again when she, without weapons or armor, told Technoblade not to execute Tubbo. This was despite knowing he was doing it on Schlatt’s orders, and Schlatt hated her!
Oh, and about that festival… what made Wilbur actually decide to intervene? It wasn’t Tubbo’s execution. It wasn’t Technoblade going on a rampage. It was when he thought Niki was at risk. Niki was the person Wilbur was willing to risk himself for!
Wilbur and Niki’s relationship in canon is so amazingly thought out (when real life stuff doesn’t fuck shit up for the characters and plot consistency and all that jazz). Like, Niki is one of the few characters Wilbur can be vulnerable with! Niki was so loyal to Wilbur, trusted him so deeply, that when she saw the bombs, she didn’t warn anyone because she trusted him not to use them unless necessary! She wore his jacket after he died (a little annoyed that almost no one acknowledges this, and instead gives that trait to Tommy).
Also, Niki, Wilbur and Techno are a Fire, Water, Earth trio.
Technoblade is Earth. At his best he is an unwavering mountain. He’s sturdy, reliable, grounded. At his worst, he’s an earthquake or a rockslide, causing destruction and chaos as everything is thrown off balance. It’s almost impossible to guess what is under the surface of the earth.
Wilbur is Water. At his best, he’s a still, serene lake. A person capable of clarity and reflection, cool and collected. At his worst, he’s whirlpool, a storm, unable to see things clearly from the rushing water. He’s thrown into the deep end and can’t pull himself out.
Niki is fire. At her best, she is the fire the cooks a loaf of bread, the torchlight when everything is at it’s most dark. She is warm, enthusiastic, bright. At her worst, she is a wildfire, burning and destroying without rhyme or reason. Like a wildfire, she’s likely to burn herself out, leaving nothing but ashes.
And I think that also plays into why Niki’s healing arc worked with Techno (ignore the obvious reason being that CC!Techno was one of the few CCs that actually allowed CC!Niki a chance to do things). Techno could actually ground Niki. When Wilbur and Niki were both in bad places, they were at risk of clashing horribly.
But at the same time, they’re close to each other. And they actually tried to heal with each other.
Also! Niki was one of the few memories Ghostbur remembers! She’s that important to him!
This is like six hundred words of rambling, I need to stop.
But like can I also say that it would be so fucked up for her to watch one of her brothers get killed by her father, and the other two get exiled. Her father had been left disabled by the entire thing (an able bodied angel can fly, C!Phil is canonically disabled. And disability isn’t a tragedy, but the traumatic injury sure as hell was, especially considering he got it trying to protect Wilbur). Only for her to find out that Techno was nearly executed! And she probably thought Tommy was dead too!
Lot’s of angst potential right there!
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sukifoof · 1 year
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hi i am once again back to talk about how flowey is an extremely good example of how to write ptsd :) but this time i am Also thinking about toriel and how similar she and flowey are... i’ve played undertale so many times and i’m Once Again nearing the end of the game, so i’ve been thinking a lot about how everything he says at the end of his fight makes me cry, but ESPECIALLY this line
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everything he does is an effort to keep himself from being hurt again. he refuses to let himself get close to anyone, even his own parents, for fear of losing those he loves again. he’d rather kill over and over to have a sense of control over the loss he experienced than accept what happened. he cant let go-- he has to have control, because if he doesn’t, who knows how bad he might get hurt again. he’s an incredibly good example of what dealing with that kind of loss feels like and Oh Boy it Always gets me
its much easier for him to lie to himself and say he doesnt care at all and that he Does have complete control and that he Knows Whats Going To Happen Without A Doubt. he needs to know everything that could happen and he freaks out at any circumstance of learning something new. he says he’s bored, but he doesn’t really seem to... want?? new experiences?? he’s comfortable in this sad little life he lives because he’s scared of the future and what could change.
a lot of his alarm clock dialogue also shows how everything has affected him. of course he goes on about how it would be completely useless if he got a bike and that once you grow up you stop wanting things for the holidays. it’s pretty. depressing... he was deprived of the childhood he should have had, and now he feels it’s too late for him to be allowed to experience that. trauma can like. take a chunk out of your life that you’ll never get back, and it’s really interesting to see how that changed the way flowey views himself and his parents.
and toriel is a perfect emotional parallel to flowey. she closes herself off. she too wants to keep you there forever and pretend everything is perfectly fine, but she breaks so much easier than flowey. the human children she took care of reminded her of the children she lost, and while she doesn’t want to let them go, she does. she wants you to leave and just forget about her a never come back, just like asriel. somebody needs to take care of those flowers. flowey and toriel are extremely similar in the way they handle grief, so that makes this line extremely interesting
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toriel will always open her heart to new kids that need to be taken care of, because she feels she failed her own children. toriel is willing to get hurt just to try to correct her past and prove that she can save at least one child. but, she can’t even take care of herself, and neither can flowey. he constantly neglects his emotional needs for the sake of never being hurt ever again, and the fact that toriel does the opposite probably really irks him. he just doesn’t Get it. but he still considers himself the Prince Of This World’s Future. he still tries to take care of toriel and gives her a glass of water when she passes out and puts her to bed.
he still wants to take care of everyone. i don’t know how much i’ve talked about it but i feel like a lot of his relationship with chara was him trying to take care of them as an older brother, and they both were given too much responsibility as children. so the fact that he thinks they died because he didn’t want to fight back, and that the whole kingdom fell into despair after their deaths is. oh boy. he definitely feels like a failure and he doesn’t know how to repair the damage he feels he’s caused. and now that he’s doomed to live in the underground forever, repeating over and over starting from right after everything was ruined for him? of course he thinks there’s no happy endings.
he takes on this huge task of saving everyone at his own expense but he can’t even take care of himself. similar to toriel, frisk almost feels like a redo of what happened with chara. he’s projecting the past onto them, as is common with ptsd. he’s convinced that they’ll leave and he’ll be lonely and sad forever again. so he keeps them there and goes, “okay, if you can defeat me (Which You Cant) i’ll free everyone and break the barrier.” because of COURSE that’s what felt like an impossible challenge to him. he makes himself the delta rune, a symbol of a savior; something he was never able to live up to, and something no child should Have to live up to.
his whole fight is him pretty much fighting against himself and this mindset he’s been stuck with for who knows how long. he has to accept that he can’t control/ save everything and that it’s okay to let go. he has to be saved from his own way of thinking and be shown that he’s worthy of being saved. his “i’m not ready to say goodbye to someone like you again” always makes me cry cuz he’s so clearly reliving his trauma and struggling to accept that chara is gone. it’s just such a good way to depict trauma and loss and how it feels to go through something like that.... flowey is such a well written character i love him
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ilynpilled · 6 months
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Do u believe that Jaime might kill Cersei and then himself at the end of the series? I saw other page theorizing about him killing himself as a final act or something like that…
i think about jaime and suicide a lot bc i do think it is a permeating theme with him in many ways, and he does do a lot of passive suicidal ideation. he is one of the characters who does not fear death really and is reckless in a way that it is clear that part of him seems drawn to it because of his existential dread. idk bc the thing is that i do think that “what else can i do, but die?” passage indicates the opposite of an ending with suicide specifically, and i think there are themes relevant to him here that i think are more likely to be followed through rather than be tragically rejected:
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nonetheless, theres a certain part of me that is morbidly drawn to him succumbing to despair anyway. like if he dies with valonqar, i think thats the only way i would actually like it. i was never someone that felt particularly moved by the “poetry” or “irony” of dying together because i always thought all of that is much richer if it is treated as desperate self affirming delusion that is bound to collapse. and we already see jaime reject dying with her once. there is a visible degree of acceptance of their fates not being entwined that is not feigned bc he did actually leave her to her fate and no longer feels the obligation to die with her, pretty clearly juxtaposed with his mindset in asos where he revolves his life around her “needing” him, and ofc cersei’s own desperate narrative rn. and i think george writing it so they can die exactly at the same time doesnt just feel unrealistic but also would hurt the weight of the scene to me because it would give me no aftermath. a wall falls on them both? valonqar doesnt even happen then. jaime killing cersei and then a wall falls on him or some shit? whats the point? double suicide? where is the ‘betrayal’ and irony and subversion of the jc dynamic’s narrative? cersei’s mindset is proven right. cersei kills him? idk if that works with cersei’s tragedy/betrayal/shock + how would she? he’s injured from something else and makes sure to bring down cersei with him? ig, still feel eh about it. if it happens, i wouldnt feel that much about anything thats not an actual suicide after a murder. and even then, it would make more sense for jaime to attempt suicide by rushing into the nearest battle/suicide mission based on his established characterization. that is the type of act that would be in character rather than just falling on a sword then and there ig. u can argue that the choice itself of him going back can be framed as a suicide attempt where he wants to go down with a sinking ship bc he thinks thats what he deserves, and ofc depending on when this happens the city might be beyond saving already, but still, the execution and circumstances matter to me. i also obviously dont want it framed as him being unable to live without cersei. i find that reductive of his character and boring on top of kind of incongruent bc he already made that choice of key separation once. he already proved himself capable of treating their lives as not entwined. i would only like suicide if it was about a complicated and ingrained sense of failure over not being able to triumph over reckoning with the world and the self (this is what makes the light go out in the weirwood dream too. cersei leaving is not where it ends), esp bc i assume the whole thing is playing on history repeating itself in the most ironic and dark way imaginable. ofc a bigger part of me wants triumph over that this time and for that flaming sword that he gave brienne to still burn and provide light in “his darkness”, replacing cersei’s torch that she takes with her in the dream as she joins tywin and joffrey and the lannister ancestors and leaves jaime in “the dark”, to represent some deeper purpose also embodied by brienne that allows him to continue past this point (the flames will burn as long as you live when they die so must you), and i also think it works better in a lot of ways. i have talked about widow’s wail currently being in the red keep, the twin swords set up, twftd foreshadowing, how i interpret the prophecies in the weirwood dream and how it works with the past and future etc, even how it all comes together thematically when it concerns knighthood and the cynicism/idealism synthesis. but still, a part of me is attracted to that kind of painful tragedy. im fairly open to a lot of things in general if they are not halfbaked and incongruent and dont make me feel empty in a bad way on top of being unsatisfied. but yeah, when thinking about the narrative as a whole, idk how it could work in a way that id like based on all that i have read.
to me, theres too much cost in terms of set ups, unless it happens at the very end of the story ig. but how would that work logistically? and when and how would he acquire widow’s wail? that sword’s a chekhovs gun for twftd that i think jaime has the most foreshadowing and set up with. what else would he do at the red keep? why put him there again when this part of the story could be wrapped up? like theres a certain order of events that seems to work and make the established pieces fall together much better in my head, but ofc i could be wrong.
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linkspooky · 1 year
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Do you think that Furuta genuinely liked the Clowns and being apart of them, in his own way?
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That's a complicated question to answer, because it's up in the air whether Furuta genuinely likes anybody. He doesn't even seem to like himself that much.
To understand Furuta's relationship with the clowns, you need to look at the one person Furuta does love and treasure... or he did in the past and still has the memory of loving.
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Assuming he is being genuine here in his admission of loving Rize and wanting to set her free, which his death flashbacks indicate he is, because his final comforting memory as he dies is just returning to play in the garden with Rize. In the same breath as saying he wanted her to be free because he was disgusted how the men in the garden would treat her, he then gleefully describes how he dropped the construction beams on her.
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Then, is he being false here? Is he just pretending to feel no remorse over dropping the beams on Rize? Is he making out his malice filled punishment of her for being too free and too reckless with her freedom to be just another one of his jokes?
Both of these can be true at the same time, Furuta can genuinely love Rize, and also genuinely feel enough malice toward her to kill and take her freedom away. It is probably because he feels genuine love for her that he reacts so maliciously to, and went out of his way to hurt her in the worst way possible.That is the complicated existence that is Furuta Nimura at any given moment.
It's the word "genuine" that is the problem. Furuta's defense mehcnaism has always been to make a mockery of his own emotions. There is nothing in this world worth getting invested in, because even if he decides to love someone or something he will die too early anyway.
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In fact, this statement Furuta gives is probably far more about himself than Kaneki. "If you hadn't encountered Rize... you never would have taken on this difficult role." That applies to Furuta as well doesn't it? If he didn't love Rize, he would not have to feel the pain of losing her, or the loneliness of life without her.
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I'm not saying this because Rize rejected him or because Rize didn't love him, it's beyond that. If Furuta never loved anyone. If he never felt love to begin with. If he numbed himself down so much to be completely callous about the world he would save himself from so much pain.
This is what Furuta destroys the things he wants in the first place, to stop himself from desiring those things. Because he can't have them. No matter what he can't. He's going to die at twenty four. This isn't just Furuta's reaction, it's the reaction of every garden child.
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Arima, Hairu, and Eto as well. None of them open themselves up to love. Hairu has Ui right next to her and never notices his feelings because she's focused on killing ghouls to earn praise. Arima genuinely loves Kaneki, and then commits suicide right in front of him because he's going to die soon regardless. No matter what choice they make they will die. If they choose to open themselves up, it makes the pain of death and the loss that much worse. They all end up choosing death over love, though how much of a choice they had in the first place is debatable.
Eto in particular is a direct foil to Furuta, because just like him she makes a mockery of love. Eto goes out of the way to torment other people she sees as loving incorrecntly. What is the way Eto treats Karren, injecting her kagune into her and full on torturing her but a parallel for Furuta's treatment of Rize.
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Eto does not believe her father loved her mother. She doesn't believe she was the child born of love, just the unfortunate accident of her mother's actions. That is why she can't believe that love exists to begin with and goes out of her way to prove it every time she sees someone loving improperly.
She tears Karren apart for having obsessive and unrequited feelings for Shuu. She verbally destroys Nashiro and Kurona because they don't really love Kanou their surrogate father they're just being manipulated by him.
Eto is doing this to deny her own vulnerability. If love is fake. If no one loves anyone. Then Eto does not have to feel any pain from the fact that her ather did not love her enough to stay with her, and her mother did not love her enough to live for her sake. There's nothing wrong with Eto that made both parents abandon her. They just weren't capable of loving her.
In Furuta's case he goes out of his way to destroy Rize almost to prove that he doesn't love her. He makes himself into just another heartless man of the Washuu. He even changes his last name to Washuu and becomes clan head and stands in their shoes. If Furuta's incapable of love, then he doesn't have to suffer in that particular way. Furuta's also in a position where he can't let his genuine feelings get in the way, he can't feel remorse or hesitation because he has to take down the CCG and he's working in a limited timeframe to do it.
Now, to unbury that lead I buried. Does Furuta genuinely like the clowns? I think the clowns are an appropriate distance enough away that Furuta can be near them and use them as allies without wanting to destroy them.
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However, a big foiling point between Uta and Furuta is that Uta is looking for the kind of empathy and connection that other people seem to share with each other in Renji.
Uta wants that kind of deep emotional connection with Renji even though it will cause him pain. If getting close means hurting each other and bleeding, Uta wants to do just that.
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Furuta on the other hand is taking the opposite choice. The one person we are shown he genuinely cares about, he destroys. There are people close to him, he spends a long time connecting to Ui and forming a bond that COULD have ended up with what Uta and Renji are to one another, only to manipulate him and destroy him too. Furuta has made the opposite choice as Uta, he wants to keep playing the fool until the end.
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Furuta can like the clowns, but the fact of the matter is he will never pursue a deeper relationship than that with them because the clowns aren't together because they connect with each other. They're together because they're all individuals who can't connect with other people. They choose to be clowns rather than people. To connect they'd have to make the opposite choice actually be people, and Furuta's character in the manga and remains a clown until the end.
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