#and sam! sam should’ve been bi
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Supernatural (Taylor’s version)
Hello hunters and Swifties!
I love reading supernatural stories inspired by songs and I'm addicted to Taylor Swift, so I decided to recommend stories inspired by her songs.
If I find more stories I might think about doing a part 2 or an update.
1 - Speak Now: By @darling-i-read-it
“Based on the song speak now”
Info: One shot - 1100 Words
Warnings: “Hexing being a bad thing, weddings, Fluff.” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: Speak Now.
2 - Speak Now: By @bi-bard
“(Season 7, Episode 8) During a trip that was meant to be a vacation, (Y/n) and Dean are met with some very surprising new from Sam and an old face.”
The author didn't say if it's really inspired by taylor's song, I just deduced that it was. If I'm wrong, I'm sorry.
Info: One shot - 1695 Words.
Warnings: “Drugging, threats of violence” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: Speak Now.
3 - When I saw your face: By @seriesxwriting
The story of how enchanted it was to meet Sam Winchester.
Info: One shot - 2069 Words.
Warnings: “Drinking, swearing?” - Warnings described by the creator.
Song: Enchanted.
4 - I Remember it All Too Well: By @bi-bard
“The story of the two hunters that lasted far longer than they should’ve. Each chapter shows that Sam and (Y/n) were either meant to last a lifetime or fall apart at the seams. (I used season 11 as a reference for ages)”
Info: One shot - 4905 Words.
Warnings: “Break-up, unhealthy relationship, arguing, cussing, I made Sam a terrible person and I'm not sorry about it.” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: All too well (10 minute version).
5 - All You Had to do Was Stay: By @hellooo-tricksters
“When Sam jumped into the pit, you were devastated, you thought you would never get him back. Then he returns and he is not who he used to be, he is rude, aggressive and cheats on you. He goes, and after a year he returns at your door.”
Info: One shot - 2172 Words.
Warnings: “Swearing, a little angst and maybe a little fluff too.” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: All you had to do was stay.
6 - How You Get the Girl: By @hellooo-tricksters
“ It has been 6 months since you’ve last seen Sam. And now he decides to show up? “
Info: One shot - 1627 Words.
Warnings: “Swearing, smut if you squint I think…” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: How You get the girl.
7 - Welcome to New York: By @d-s-winchester
An AU series, where each chapter is inspired by a song from the album 1989.
Info: Series - 13 Chapters.
Warnings: “Angst, drinking, language, smut sorta” (Most of the chapters have no warning.) Warnings described by the creator.
Songs: Welcome to New York, Blank space, Style, Out of the Woods, All You Had To Do Was Stay, Shake it off, I Wish You Would, Bad blood, Wildest Dreams, How You Get The Girl, This Love, I Know Places and Clean.
8 - Gorgeous: By @justagirlinafandomworld
“Sam Winchester ruined your life. And he might know it.”
Info: Drabble - 100 words.
Warnings: “Secondhand embarrassment probably. Maybe feel a little called out?” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: Gorgeous.
9 - Paper rings: By @bi-bard
“(Season 12) After everything happened with the British Men of Letters and the return of Mary Winchester, Sam does a lot of thinking about his future. Specifically, his future with his partner.”
The author didn't say if it's really inspired by taylor's song, I just deduced that it was. If I'm wrong, I'm sorry.
Info: Drabble - 983 Words.
Warnings: “Mentions of torture” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: Paper rings.
10 - The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me: By @bi-bard
“(Season 7) Sam had been struggling since he had come back from the cage. As his condition worsens, (Y/n) tries everything to help him.”
Info: Drabble - 746 Words
Warnings: “hallucinations, past trauma” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: Peace.
11 - Look at this idiotic fool that you made me: By @bi-bard
“(Y/n) finally puts their foot down with Sam. Sam trips over it.”
Info: Drabble - 787 Words
Warnings: “mentions of sex” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: illicit affairs
1 - Head First, Fearless: By @swiftlymoniquesblog
“ “But you’re just so cool, run your hands through your hair, absent mindedly makin’ me want you” from Fearless by Taylor Swift!”
Info: One shot - 2048 Words
Warnings: All the fluff! - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: Fearless.
2 - Enchanted: By @d-s-winchester
“All I can say is I was, Enchanted to meet you”
Info: One shot - 1428 Words.
Warnings: “Language, fluff” - Warnings described by the creator.
Song: Enchanted.
3 - Speak now: By @d-s-winchester
“Speak now or forever hold your peace”
Info: One shot - 1305 Words.
Warnings: “None.” - Warnings described by the creator.
Song: Speak Now.
4 - Red: By @d-s-winchester
“Missing him was dark gray, all alone”
Info: One shot -1048 Words
Warnings: “Sadness, heartbreak, death, dealing with death” - Warnings described by the creator.
Song: Red.
5 - All to well: By @the-winchester-pie
Info: One shot - 2071 Words
Warnings: Angst?
Song: All too well.
6 - I’d Say I Love You Even at Your Darkest: By @bi-bard
“Doubt and guilt creeps in and convinces Dean to run for the hills. (Y/n) refuses to let Dean believe that they would ever be happier without him.”
Info: One shot - 1838 Words.
Warnings: “Self-doubt, arguing, cussing” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: Forever winter.
7 - Style: By @hellooo-tricksters
“Dean and the reader are in a no strings attached relationship since they met on a hunt. It passionate, steamy and complicated, but they keep returning on the same path, not matter which road they take.”
Info: One shot - 1869 Words.
Warnings: “Slight smut, mainly mentioning of it, maybe swearing, cheating?” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: Style.
8 - Dorothea: By @imaginestuffs
“Dean “doesn’t like” your music, or so he says.”
Info: Drabble - 913 Words.
Warnings: “ A few curse words I believe, and fluff!!” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: Dorothea.
9 - Bloodmoonlit: By @moonlightspencie
“ Six years of friendship with more simmering beneath the surface. They thought they had no chance (but that’s romance).”
Info: One shot - 5400 Words.
Warnings: “Drinking (a lot of it tbh), both of em being massive dorks, 18+ pls bc it gets mildly spicy at the end.” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: Glitch.
1 - I'll Let You In: By @bi-bard
“(Season 7 + 9) After gaining his memory back, Castiel has to leave to go help the Winchesters. (Y/n) promises to leave the door open to him. They weren’t expecting him to actually come back.”
Info: One shot - 2490 Words.
Warnings: “Mentions of death” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: That’s When.
2 - Shake it off: By @kaz2y5-imagines
Dean and Sam find you and Castiel dancing "Shake it off" in the bunker.
Info: One shot - 1696 Words.
Warnings: None?
Song: Shake it off.
3 - Bad blood: By @hellooo-tricksters
“Castiel finds the reader after they broke up 3 months ago. It was ugly, hard and painful, but now, now she works for Crowley. She’s a demon and she’s got all the right ways to show him what he did to her. He’ll pay.”
Info: One shot - 1439 Words.
Warnings: “Swearing, torture...slightly… Demon!Reader” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: Bad blood.
4 - My lover: By @swiftlymoniquesblog
Info: Drabble - 574 Words.
Warnings: Fluff, slight mention of relationship doubts
Song: Lover.
5 - I'm setting off, but not without my muse: By @bi-bard
“ Monsters are known for terrifying people. Some monsters even scare themselves.”
Info: One shot - 1575 Words.
Warnings: “Character death, angst, suicide (seriously, read with caution)” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: The lakes.
6 - And if I didn't know better, I'd think you were talking to me now: By @bi-bard
“ (Y/n) had grown up with the Winchesters, but Castiel was the one who really took on a father role over the years. (Y/n) has to cope with losing him and having someone else claim to be his kid.”
Info: Drabble - 866 words
Warnings: “Mentions of death, grieving, Child!Reader” - Warnings and summary described by the creator.
Song: Marjorie.
7 - Safe and sound: By @d-s-winchester
Info: One shot - 1231 Words.
Warnings: None - Warnings described by the creator.
Song: Safe and sound.
If you guys know of more supernatural stories inspired by taylow swift songs, let me know as I might put them in part 2/update.
Enjoy the stories!
To the writers: You are amazing!
#sam winchester#sam winchester x reader#supernatural#supernatural x reader#sam winchesterxreader#dean winchester#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x you#sam winchester x you#castiel#castiel x reader#castiel x you#taylor swift#the eras tour#fanfic rec#fic rec#recs
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Spn Opinions That’ll Have Me Burned at the Stake Pt. 2: Electric Boogaloo
I’m back and bitchier than ever. For reference, here’s part 1.
• Season 5 wasn’t that great.
• D*stiel isn’t real, it’s a sucky ship, and that confession scene was just the writers pandering to the rabid deancas fans cause they knew they were the only ones still watching the show lol. And they left it ambiguous enough that they could still say it was meant platonically if they needed to.
• I hate how they watered down both angels and demons post-season 5ish.
• I liked Ruby 1.0 better than Ruby 2.0.
• I hate Honey!Cas. They just did that cause they didn’t know where to take his story from there, needed him out of the way, and thought it would be funny. It was insulting.
• Jack should’ve been played by an actual child so everyone’s abuse of him would resonate with the audience for what it was (casual fans are brain dead and need to be spoon fed).
• Victor Henrikson deserved more time on the show.
• I said it in the last post, but Alex is way more interesting than Claire and should’ve been given the lead role in the wayward sisters storyline instead.
• Dean is canonically straight and for Christ sake if you guys wanted bi rep, there’s about a thousand other characters that are strongly coded or implied to be bisexual (including Sam!) but y’all didn’t focus on them because it wasn’t actually about representation, it was about making it more plausible for your dumb fetishised gay ship to actually happen (spoiler: it didn’t).
• Season 3 and Season 6 were some of the best ones, you guys just don’t have any taste.
• Claire is not Castiel’s daughter and saying she is erases Jimmy and insults her, and even Cas himself acknowledged that on the show.
• Castiel is canonically NOT gay and Misha constantly saying he is is annoying and airheaded. He’s been attracted to women IN THE SHOW and he’s not even really male, so calling him a Gay Man is reductive and just plain wrong. Also, it’s veeery sus that- given how bi/pan folks are even more underrepresented than gay people- that one of the rare times where the bi/pan label actually fits a character BETTER in CANON……. the allies and monosexuals adamantly reject it. Hm.
• “Curing” vampires or werewolves or demons shouldn’t have been a thing.
• The Winchesters cause most of the bad shit that happens and then they just force supernatural beings to fix it for them- tell me again how they’re Super Special Heroes.
• It shouldn’t be possible to make angels human by removing their grace, because (unlike demons, werewolves, etc) they were never human to start with. If you drained me of all my blood, I wouldn’t magically transform into another species, I’d fucking die.
• Making Billie go crazy was dumb.
• Rowena was one of the most interesting and charismatic characters on the whole show- they just didn’t know what to do with her character.
• The archangels, Lilith, and Azazel should’ve been the biggest threats on the show. No other knights of hell, no god and his sister, no Cain, nothing like that. Having every villain just get progressively more overpowered made the show unbelievable and repetitive and annoying.
• The kernel sanders king of hell guy was hot.
• Dean is misogynistic as HELL, homophobic, likes racist porn, is a narcissist, pervs on teen girls, & thinks all non-human people should be exterminated… and that is all CANON.
• Most of John Winchester’s abuse is fanon.
• Fans portraying Cas as a smol bby who colours in colouring books and has a bee plushie is so fucking annoying.
• Instead of having so many gigantic cosmic storylines with god and his sister and alternate dimensions and even the angel and demon tablets, they should’ve just scrapped those and made the stein family and the bmol and the alpha vampire storylines way bigger than they were. Less cosmic stuff, more earth-based stuff.
• They ruined Lucifer’s character post-season 5. Before that, he was more sympathetic and reasonable than Michael. After, he was a spoiled child hurting people for fun.
• Everything from season 7 on is garbage. All of it. There’s bits of goodness here and there but overall seasons 7-15 are trash.
• How the fuck are there actual people who are deangirls and hate Sam?? The space where your brain should be is empty, I swear to god.
• If there was gonna be any lgbt rep in the Wayward Sisters group, it should’ve been Jody and Donna instead of Claire and Kaia. Those two were boring as hell and had zero chemistry or build-up, but Jody/Donna had plenty of chemistry and was very believable.
• Meg has the best and most realistic redemption arc of anyone on the show.
• Chuck was not likeable or charismatic enough to carry off as big of a villain arc as they gave him. Also that whole thing was stupid and WAY too Out There.
• All the angels should’ve been aroace. All the demons should’ve been pan.
• I stanned Cole so hard up until he changed his mind about hating Dean. That was disappointing.
• Sam went through the same shitty childhood Dean did (plus Bonus Abuse on top of it) and he didn’t turn out Like That.
• I cannot think of a single person that was asking for a spin-off about the Winchester family, like that has to be the most boring thing.
#unpopular opinion#unpopular supernatural opinions#spn unpopular opinions#spn#supernatural#anti dean winchester#Dean winchester critical#dean critical#supernatural wank#fandom wank#castiel#sam winchester#anti destiel#anti destihellers#Misha Collins criticism
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15-20, 9
9. you’re browsing the Internet and you find a weird piece of unlicensed fan merch for your WIP. what is it?
idk if i've said this before but it's probably a tote bag for sam's record store. i'd like that, though, LMFAO ... idk, there would probably be some jerk on redbubble putting charlie's face on a mug because they don't get that he's the bad guy (or they do and they don't care, which is honestly preferable to trying to defend him)
15. someone creates a tumblr fan account for your WIP. what’s their username?
one of the first ones taken would be bisexualsamdoyle, as though that's a flex ... sam being bi isn't subtext, it's text l;dfnsf
16. make a meme for your WIP.
this one is simple but it's pretty good
17. you should’ve expected it, but you’re still surprised when you find out people aggressively ship (which non-canon pairing of OCs?)
i've already said that i know that will and sam would be an aggressively popular ship (and you and i have already talked about how people would girlboss lucy out of the equation, despite will having been romantically attracted to exactly one person in all of his life, because "she's too pOWeRfUL for someone as iNSecURe as he is!") ... so like, i guess i have to say there would probably be people out there who ship sadie and will. like, there would probably be a few very passionate people who insist that will should have loved sadie all along (despite sadie being will's parallel, having only loved one person in all her life). these people also ship will and sam, btw
18. what kinds of fics could people write about your WIP?
i honestly would not complain about carrie x sam fics. hell, i'm even sort of writing them, by choosing to focus on their brief fling in '87. carrie x sam is a preferred ship by me. it just could never have happened for the sake of the story 😭
19. you attend a convention and see someone cosplaying one of your OCs! how are they dressed?
like, how do you cosplay as one of these characters ... they are literally just people lmfao ... i guess if there's a specific school uniform look, they could cosplay that.
20. describe an interesting headcanon fans would create for your WIP or OCs.
this is so hard because, like, if i say it ... then there's no reason it shouldn't or wouldn't be canon lol ... i think maybe i'll go with that thing we talked about a few days ago, which is that charlie might have had a speech delay.
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Great, now I’m mad at Glee again for the whole biphobia thing they pulled on Blaine specifically. Like? Could’ve just let the man be bi, it would’ve made absolutely no difference to his character other than the fact that he would be proving Kurt’s bigoted and prejudiced views incorrect instead of letting him go on thinking he was valid for his speech.
#ignore me while I ramble#I do not want this in the tags#but it might end up there#in which case definitely ignore me I do not want to fight#I’m just mad#because blaine COULD HAVE BEEN BI#like I would never want to take away any communities representation#it’s just the fact that this show was brimming with biphobia#and even the actual bi main character we got was treated like she was just a lesbian#so yeah I kinda wish blaine had been bi instead#and sam! sam should’ve been bi#I think it’s safe to tag now#glee#blaine anderson#tw biphobia
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a different lover is not a sin
or: 5 times Dean didn't go to Pride + 1 time he did
Happy @starrynightdeancas gift exchange posting day!!! This one's for the wonderful and talented @andzia267 !!! Sending you all the hugs and good vibes, and I hope you enjoy it! And thank you Sophie for hosting all this, you're a rock star! <3
Read on ao3 or below / 5.5k words
CW: homophobia, queer used as a slur, john winchester being an asshole
1 - 1994
Dean was fifteen years old when he found out that being gay was something people could be proud of. It was early in the morning, they'd left their motel about 20 minutes before, and Sammy had fallen asleep in the backseat. The sun was just starting to completely show over the horizon, and they were driving through– or rather, struggling to get out of– Phoenix on their way to a possible poltergeist in Tucson. Every street they tried to take was blocked for the big event, and dozens of people already lined the sidewalks with colorful outfits and signs.
"Fuckin' queers," John grumbled in the seat next to him. "Never should'a thrown that damn brick."
Big banners overhead displayed "Stonewall 25: A Global Celebration of Pride". Dean made a mental note to hit up a library once they got to Tucson to look that up, "Stonewall". In the meantime, he was mesmerized staring out the window. Guys held hands, women kissed, everyone was practically vibrating with excitement. A black man in heels and a wig caught his gaze through the window and waved. Dean started to wave back, but his hand was harshly swatted back down.
"Do not," John said. "Don’t talk to them, don’t even look at ‘em. These people are sick in the head."
Dean focused his gaze on his lap until they were out of the city, and his mind wandered back to the gas station they stopped at the day before. He thought of the guy at the cash register that called him "cutie" and winked at him as he bought a candy bar for Sammy and beers for Dad with his fake ID. By Dad’s logic– which Dean trusted, of course–, that cashier, that queer, must've been sick in the head.
Then Dean remembered how his heart sped up, how his ears got hot, and how for a second he let himself think the cashier was kinda cute too. He realized he must also be sick in the head, and the thought was making him feel actually, physically sick. He felt like throwing up. Dad could never know.
Dean was fifteen years old when he learned that being gay actually wasn't something to be proud of.
---
2 - 2000
Dean was 21 years old when he learned the word “bisexual”. Dad had caught word of a ghoul case in lower Manhattan and sent Dean to take care of it. It was starting to get too hot and the streets were too crowded, but Dean was mostly glad to get a break from the constant fighting between Dad and Sammy.
Except it was June, and every time he turned a corner, there they were. The Pride parade flyers.
The second he spotted a rainbow he averted his gaze. He turned another corner and spotted another one. He avoided reading them at all costs. He heard Dad’s voice. Sick. Sick in the head.
For years now Dean had pretended he wasn’t sick. He pretended to not stare at Patrick Swayze too much whenever Dirty Dancing played on TV. He pretended like he didn't imagine what it would be like to kiss a guy, what stubble would feel like against his lips if he ever did.
He liked women. He could stick to women. He could live his whole life like that. And that meant he wasn’t totally sick, right? He wasn’t gay -gay if he liked girls.
But then what the hell was he? Would he even belong at one of these Pride things if he wanted to? He was probably a freak of nature. Even sicker than the rest of the bunch.
Curiosity got the best of him. He spared a glance at one of the flyers as he waited to cross the street.
Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transexuals, ALL WELCOME
“Are you gonna go?” A voice next to him asked. ”It’s next weekend.” He was blond, pale, and a bit shorter than Dean.
“What? No! I don't swing that way,” Dean said, a bit too quickly and with too much bite.
The guy looked him up and down with a frown. “Geez, alright. Just askin’.”
He started to walk away, and Dean spoke up before he could stop himself.
“Hey man, wait.”
The guy stopped walking.
“Sorry, can I ask you something? Assuming you... know about this stuff?”
He seemed exasperated, but he turned anyway, willing to hear Dean out. Dean licked his lips, rubbed at the back of his neck, swallowed nervously. He couldn’t believe he was doing this, asking a stranger on the street about something so personal. At least the chances of meeting this person ever again were close to none.
“What’s bisexual?”
The guy’s features softened a bit. He seemed to understand something about Dean that so far Dean refused to acknowledge.
“It means you’re into more than one gender. And yes, you can do that,” the guy said. He flashed Dean a tight smile and then disappeared into the crowd.
Dean felt his hands go numb and balled them into fists, shoving them in his pockets. He took a deep breath through his nose. The guy said you. You are. You can.
The guy didn’t know what he was talking about. He knew nothing about Dean. He was wrong.
Or maybe he was right.
But he couldn’t be.
Dean couldn’t be… that.
Dean was 21 years old when he decided he wasn’t bisexual. He wasn’t anything. He was also 21 when he solved a case in record time (two days), just so he could book it out of New York before the next weekend arrived.
---
3 - 2004
By the time he was 25 years old, Dean knew he was bi. He hated it, he never spoke about it, and he ignored it as much as he could, but he was aware of it. And he knew he was bi because, at 25 years old, he’d already gone through two serious breakups, and they both equally sucked.
The first was Lee. He hunted with Dean and John for about a year, the second half of which Dean and Lee spent sneaking around and hooking up behind John’s back. It was fun, and hot, and exciting, and some of the best hookups he’d had up until that point in his life were with Lee.
But the thing is that it wasn’t just hooking up. They were close, and Dean liked him. A lot. They kissed for the first time after a particularly scary werewolf hunt in which Dean almost died, but John was more preoccupied with the mostly-unharmed victim than his own son. Dean and Lee rode in the backseat, bruised, bloody, and quiet. When John went to walk the victim up to her apartment, Lee reached over and placed a hand on Dean’s back, asking him if he was okay. Dean fell into Lee’s arms, and they kissed as they pulled away from the embrace, soft and comforting. It was Dean’s first kiss with a guy.
Lee was a lot of firsts for Dean over the next few months. But then John almost caught them once, drunk and making out in the Impala.
And then that case in Arizona went wrong, and Lee just couldn’t take it anymore. He packed up, swore off hunting, hugged Dean goodbye, and left him in the dust.
Dean needed to clear his head after that. He could barely look his dad in the eye after that close call, couldn't let him see the sorrow he was feeling. With every interaction, he imagined how John would yell at him, probably try to beat it out of him, if he noticed all he was feeling over Lee. Or worse, John could ignore him, practically disown him like he did Sam.
So he also packed up and left. Went hunting on his own for a while.
It was on one of those hunts that he met Cassie, and she was yet another handful of firsts for Dean over the course of a few months. She was amazing, and he fell hard and fast, but of course that went up in flames too.
Then again, he should've known better than to be honest. Honesty only ever got him in trouble.
He’d just left her back in Ohio and was working at a bar in Indianapolis for a few weeks to make some cash. He’d eventually meet back up with Dad. He just couldn’t right now. Not with Sam gone to college. Not after getting his heart broken twice over within a year.
He was hyper-aware of the end of June approaching. He knew it was coming, Indy had a pretty big celebration, and he made sure to be working all day that day so he wouldn't have to face it.
That was pointless, though. Toward the end of the day, a big group of about ten or twelve people who were clearly coming from the parade stumbled into the bar. One of them was apparently the owner’s little sister and they went there every year after the celebrations. They were loud, and obnoxious, and looked incredibly happy. Their happiness was contagious, and Dean loved serving them. He chatted them up, got to know them a bit, and heard all about the parade, all while staring down anyone at the bar who dared look their way with even the slightest stink eye.
But watching them that happy and comfortable, seeing not one, but two pairs of guys sloppily leaning against each other and sharing the occasional kiss while none of their friends seemed to bat an eye… something in Dean ached. Deeply.
Dean was 25 years old when he realized that a small part of him kind of, sort of, wanted to be part of this community. He couldn’t though. Not if he wanted to be on good terms with Dad. Not if he aimed to be the man Dad wanted him to be.
He left Indianapolis the next day.
---
4 - 2008
Dean was 29 years old and on his own personal highway to hell when he learned his brother went to a Pride parade before he ever did. They were driving through San José, the streets were lined with ads for Silicon Valley Pride, and Sam just casually decided to mention how fun it was the last time he went.
Thankfully they were at a red light, or else Dean probably would’ve slammed the breaks. He twisted to look at Sam head-on, his arm on the back of the seat.
“You what ?” he gawked.
Sam shrugged innocently. “What?”
“You went to one of these Pride things?”
“Yeah, dude.”
Dean’s brain was just trying and failing to load. “Why?” he finally asked.
“Jessica was in the GSA and some friends invited us. It was awesome.”
“She was in the what?”
“The G. S. A.,” Sam answered slowly. “Gay-Straight Alliance.”
“Oh.” Whatever that is, Dean thought. He kept eyeing the flyers. It was tomorrow.
“Green.”
“What?”
“Light’s green. Green means go.”
Dean rolled his eyes. "Shut up."
He kept driving and turned up the radio. Somebody To Love was playing, and as much as he liked Queen, he had to change the station. He tried to picture his little brother (his straight little brother) wearing rainbow face paint and having the time of his life at this thing. How come Sammy got to go when Dean could barely entertain the idea? Dean was the not-straight one. It wasn’t fair.
He channeled his jealousy into gripping the steering wheel.
“You okay, Dean?”
“Yeah.” No. “Yeah, m’fine.”
Dean was 29 years old when he died and went to hell without ever having gone to a Pride parade, knowing that his idiot ( straight! ) little brother already had.
---
5 - 2014
Dean was alive again and 35 years old (75, if you count hell) when he was formally invited to a Pride parade for the first time. It was a couple of days after that whole mess with Cas in Lucifer’s crypt, and he called Charlie. He just wanted to hear her voice, needed to know he was still on good terms with at least one of his best friends.
“So anyway,” Charlie said after a while of recounting what she’d been up to. "How single are you right now? My answer is: miserably."
Dean chuckled. Then he thought of Cas, and the smile disappeared. "Yeah, you and me both, sister."
“Would you mind coming with me to this thing next month? Going alone kinda sucks.”
Dean put the phone on speaker and placed it on the library table as he sat down with a beer. “What’s the thing?”
“Pride.”
Dean was glad no one was around to see him almost choke on his drink.
“You good?”
“Yeah, what was that?”
“Pride parade. Don’t have anyone to go with this year.”
“Why uh… Why? Why me?”
She knows.
“I dunno.”
She knows she knows she knows.
“You’re my friend, Dean. Thought maybe you might be interested. But never mind, I guess.”
And while all the alarms in Dean's head were blaring danger danger danger abort, he also hated to hear Charlie so disappointed.
“Hey, no, listen, Charlie, I… I would. Really. You know I support you, wholeheartedly." And that's obviously the only reason I would want to go. "But with Sam doing these trials, and Cas on the run with the angel tablet–”
“It’s okay Dean, I get it. Talk to you soon?”
“Yeah.”
And she hung up.
Dean knew, at this point, that there was nothing wrong with being queer. It wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, and it sure as hell didn’t mean you were wrong in the head or whatever.
But years of pretending to be a false version of yourself in an effort to please a man who was impossible to please wasn’t exactly an easy habit to break. As much as he wished it didn't, as much as he wished he could just exist, the thought of anyone finding out still made him sick to the stomach.
John’s voice still echoed in his ears. His words still drove Dean’s sense of self-worth and so many of his decisions. He tried to never stare at a good-looking guy for too long. He tried to not get too into it with Benny. He tried to keep his feelings for Cas at bay, tried to keep him at arm's length, tried to keep the fact that he was in love (deeply, stupidly in love) as close to his chest as he could.
Even that night at the crypt choking out the words to get through to Cas, he couldn’t bring himself to say what he meant. I love you, he’d wanted to say, because it was the truth. What came out, however, was I need you. And he did, he needed Cas more than air, but it wasn't quite everything.
It still got his heart split in two.
Was he so far gone over Cas that he couldn’t hide it? Had he been trying so hard and failing just as miserably this whole time? Was his attraction to dudes that obvious? Or did Charlie just have a sixth sense for this kinda thing?
It was probably the last one. He hoped it was.
Cas knew, for sure. Angels knew everything right? They could read minds, feel longing, or whatever. And if none of that ever tipped him off, well, Dean put it all on the line back in that crypt. He told Cas how he felt, told him he needed him, tried putting himself out there, and it got him left. Again. With Dean, it was always leave-or-get-left when it came to love. He was tired of it.
Dean was 35 years old, desperately in love with his best friend, and truly heartbroken for the third time in his life, when his other best friend– an out and proud lesbian– gave him a chance to go to Pride, to break through his shell, to finally embrace himself as he was; but because he was practically living in the closet, he couldn’t seem to find the handle after so many years of purposefully ignoring its existence, and he missed his chance. Besides, what was the point of going to a celebration of love without the love of his life by his side?
---
+1 - 2021
Dean is now 42 years old and the happiest he’s ever been. The love of his life? Cas? Turns out he’s felt the same way all along. They're kind of together now, and slowly but surely they’re working through a decade’s worth of shit.
They’ve been raising a kid together too, along with Sam and Eileen, and that kid is also God. After saving the world and whatnot, Jack decided to bring back some of their friends and family that died over the years: Mary, Kevin, Charlie. Yes, there are two Charlies now, but it’s not as confusing as you’d expect. (One is from another dimension, and the other one is Dean’s little sister. Simple.) Mary’s off hunting most of the time and Kevin’s applying to college.
They’ve got extended family now too, Jody and the girls. OG Charlie is staying with them for now, while she finds her footing. Most of that household is queer. Most of Dean's household is queer as well, actually. Turns out both Jack and Eileen are non-binary, Cas is gay in the broader sense of the word, and Dean…
Dean is bi. And everyone knows now.
Apparently, a lot of people had known for a long time. Sam has known since the siren back in ‘09 (even though Dean stands by the fact that it wasn’t like that, Sammy ), and everyone has slowly picked up on his and Cas’s thing over the years, so there’s that.
He still feels a bit weird about it. About calling Cas his boyfriend, about having the freedom to hold his hand in public, about the fact that they now have goddamn pride flags hung around the bunker. He feels even weirder about the fact that John’s voice in his head is now drowned out by the sounds of his home life, more lively and supportive than he ever expected to have.
He wasn’t expecting any of this, he didn’t think everything would change so fast. But when you spend the better part of your life pushing down such a huge part of you and then finally give yourself an out, a chance to show the people who love you who you really are, everything just... follows.
Love follows. Acceptance follows. Family follows. And he wasn’t really expecting any of it.
He certainly doesn’t expect it when Cas walks into the library after his weekly Thursday evening call with Claire and announces, matter-of-factly and with air quotes, “We’re going to "Pride" this weekend.”
Dean’s stomach drops. It’s the Sioux Falls Pride Parade and Festival, it’s in two days, and they’re leaving tomorrow to spend the night at Jody’s so they can all be there bright and early Saturday morning. Everyone immediately starts bustling about, packing and planning outfits and gathering flags to bring with them.
Dean just goes to his room– his and Cas’s now– to pack a small duffle.
Well, he means to. Instead, he takes out the duffle from the closet, puts it on the bed, and sits next to it for a while. An hour goes by. He thinks back to all those times he had brushes with one of these things and was just never in the right mindset. He’s not even sure he’s in the right mindset now, but he’s going. It’s happening.
“Jack’s all ready to go,” Cas says when he walks in. “We spent about half an hour putting together an outfit for Saturday. He wanted it to be as colorful as possible.”
Dean smiles, but it’s not all there. He looks at the empty duffle next to him.
“Yeah, I might need some help with that myself.”
Cas is in sweats and a hoodie. Yes it’s June, yes it’s hot, but he’s a quasi-angel, and the way he experiences the world Dean will never be able to wrap his head around. He walks over and stands in front of Dean, running a hand through his hair and down the side of his face until he’s cupping Dean’s jaw. Dean takes Cas’s hand and leaves a few kisses on the inside of his wrist, closing his eyes as he does.
Cas regards the empty bag and hums quietly, as if in thought, before walking over to their closet. Dean chases his hand, holding onto it until he’s completely out of reach. Cas starts searching, and Dean’s stomach knots more and more with each clang of the hangers. Cas finally pulls out a flannel from its hanger– purple with hints of blue and pink– and tosses it over. Dean can’t believe he didn’t think of it first.
They continue to pack in comfortable silence before changing and getting into bed. Dean doesn’t flop onto his stomach or cuddle into Cas’s side as he usually does; instead, he lies on his back and stares at the ceiling in a daze.
“Dean?” Cas’s voice snaps him out of it.
Dean turns his head and asks, automatically, “You okay?”
It’s a habit by now, asking each other that question. It’s part of the working-through-a-decade’s-worth-of-shit thing they’re doing. Turns out they share a whole lot of trauma. They share worries and insecurities. They share nightmares sometimes, mostly about the Empty.
“I’m okay,” Cas says, putting his hand on top of Dean’s heart for him to hold, and Dean can breathe a little easier.
“You nervous about this thing?” Dean asks, interlocking their fingers.
“The parade? No, not really.”
And then, because he's been working on communicating how he's feeling out loud or whatever, Dean looks back up at the ceiling and says, "I am. Kinda."
He feels Cas shifting and propping himself up on his elbow, and then he's in Dean's line of sight. Dean's gaze is drawn to him, like all of him has been since the moment they met, and Dean can't believe he just has this now. He has a boyfriend, and it's Cas, and he's looking down at Dean with stars in his eyes and a comforting smile that actually works because it's Cas.
And then Cas is leaning down and softly pressing their lips together, and that's also something Dean can’t believe he gets to do: kiss Cas good morning and good night and at any moment in between, kiss him I'm sorry, kiss him we're going to be okay, kiss him I love you.
"I love you too, Dean," Cas says once they've pulled away, and Dean didn't even realize he'd said it out loud, but it doesn't matter. "And you don't need to be nervous. I'll be there with you."
The thought should be a thousand times more nerve-wracking, not just going to Pride but going to Pride with Cas on his arm. It's not nerve-wracking at all, and he soon drifts off to sleep.
Friday goes by faster than it should. The six-hour drive to Sioux Falls, although packed in a car with five people, goes by in a blink. They stop for provisions before getting to Jody's, filling up on backpacks' worth of snacks.
They get to the house and are met with endless hugs and excitement to match. Patience, Alex, and Jody are already working on dinner for the bunch, while Charlie, Donna, and Kaia are running around prepping for the next day and dragging along a hesitant but nevertheless happy Claire. Dinner is chaotic and loud and there are way too many people at the table, and Dean has to step outside after a while.
He sits on the back porch steps. Claire joins him. She's holding a beer, he's not. He hasn't been drinking for a few months now. They don't talk, but she leans her head on his shoulder and they stay there a while, looking at the stars.
When they go back inside, Claire sits back down in her spot at Cas's left, across the table from Dean, and leans on his shoulder for a while too. It's her way of saying she cares, of saying I missed you without really saying it. Jack sits at Cas's right, talking excitedly with Patience about some tv show or other, and the image fills Dean with such fondness that he reaches over with his foot, presses it to Cas's ankle, and keeps it there for the rest of the night.
Dean, Cas, Jack, Sam, and Eileen spend the night spread out around in the living area while the girls sleep in their respective rooms, and Dean is only slightly less nervous as he falls asleep holding Cas’s hand.
---
The nerves all come flooding back as he’s parking the Impala the next morning.
They’re not able to get even remotely close to Phillips Avenue since the streets are so full. They park the three cars that all twelve of them came in as close as they can and then have to walk for another twenty minutes. From blocks and blocks away, people walk and holler and greet them excitedly, many of them trying to circle this swarm of flanneled individuals that are taking up a whole sidewalk. Granted, Dean and Claire are the only ones in their usual kind of outfit. The rest of the bunch is wearing as many colors as they could compile from their closets, half of them are wearing face paint, and the other half are carrying an assortment of pride flags.
They fit right in.
The walk toward the main avenue of the parade is kind of a blur for Dean. He knows he waved at a few people, some friends of Alex from high school joined the group at some point, and Jack already grabbed a snack from his backpack.
The actual parade is also kind of hazy. Getting out of the house that morning had been probably even more chaotic than the night before, so they’re a bit late and the parade has already been going for a good half hour. On top of that, they accidentally merge into it not quite at the starting point but a bit further down the road, in between a decked-out pickup truck and a group of people with dogs. Music is blaring, the dogs are all barking, a big float rides a few yards in front of them, and hundreds stand on the sidewalks recording on their phones and cheering them along.
Dean’s not sure they’re even supposed to be in the actual parade. Maybe they’re supposed to be on the sidewalks? Is this right? What is happening, what is he even doing here?
He doesn’t notice how heavy he’s breathing until Cas is squeezing his hand and beckoning him to meet his eyes. He does, and the blue in them, as imposing as the Atlantic, drowns out everything else around them. “You’re okay, my love,” Cas says. It’s a fact. As long as Dean is with him, he’s okay.
On his other side, Dean feels someone link their arm around his. It’s Charlie, and she’s beaming at them, her cheeks almost as red as her hair. It brings Dean back to reality, grounds him, but he’s okay now. He’s not alone, and he’s meant to be here.
He’s proud to be here.
The parade leads up to a sloping park, and at the lowest point of it, there’s a stage where Dean assumes someone will MC for the afternoon, or maybe perform. It’s grandiose in its simplicity, kind of like a Greek theater, with everyone settling down on the grass around it, expectantly.
“We’ll be right back,” Dean hears Sam say, and he turns to find they’re all set to spend the afternoon, towels laid and backpacks off (save for his). “Jack wants to go meet the drag queens,” Sam says with just a bit too much glee before he and Jack take off.
“It’s not just Jack,” Eileen smiles and follows.
Cas is already sitting, eating one of the PB&Js he packed as lunches for everyone. Jody and Donna are settling down as well and Charlie’s taking a dozen pictures, but the rest of the girls are all standing. “We’re gonna go check out the vendors,” Claire announces, and they start to take off as well.
“Be careful, please!” Dean calls after them, but they pay him no mind. He turns to Charlie. “Hey, your majesty, keep an eye on them will you?”
She smiles, bows gracefully, and heads in the same direction.
Jody stands and grabs Dean by the arm, beckoning him to talk in private for a second.
“What’s up?”
If Dean knows Jody at all, and he does, they’re on the brink of a mom talk.
“Look around, Dean.”
“What for?”
“Just look,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Please?”
So, at her request, Dean starts taking in the environment. Now that everyone is gathered, he can actually see all the people that came out (heh) for the event. There are church groups, pet shelters, skateboarders, and rollerskaters. Drag queens are already taking pictures by the stage, and at least two people are wearing unicorn heads. A few vendors’ tents and food trucks surround the park, and rainbows completely dominate the scenery. There are elders, and kids, and all kinds of families and couples, and everyone looks… happy. Free.
And Dean is here with them. He is one of them.
There’s no danger, no monsters of any kind. No one to judge him, hurt him, call him sick in the head.
He finds Claire’s blonde head amongst the sea of shoppers at the edge of the park. She’s holding hands with Kaia and has one of the biggest smiles Dean has ever seen on her face. There’s no shame in it, and she’s not in any danger either. Things are different now, and she has the freedom to be herself that he never had at her age.
He has it now too. He can be himself.
Dean doesn’t realize he’s about to cry until Jody pulls him down into a hug.
“Dean, I am so proud of you.”
And then he cries.
---
They spend the afternoon laying on the grass, eating, drinking, and enjoying the festivities. The girls come back from the vendors’ tents after a full hour, and most of the bags on their arms are Charlie’s. She gets Cas a mug that says bee yourself in rainbow colors with an image of a cartoon bee, and she gets Dean a button pin that says AC/DC in pink and blue. There’s a meaning behind that apparently, and Dean decides he’ll look it up later.
Jack memorizes all the drag queen’s names. Donna takes a million pictures. They trade numbers with a few people.
There’s a big fireworks show just after sundown. It starts to get windy and a bit chilly, so Dean grabs the nearest pride flag and wraps it around himself. Cas, the perpetual freak who just doesn’t feel temperature apparently, is wearing a t-shirt and shorts and smiling at him unabashedly.
“What?”
“That’s the bisexual flag.”
So it is. “Shut up,” Dean says, but he’s smiling too. “You want in on this?”
He doesn’t wait for Cas to respond before he wraps it around his shoulders as well. The fireworks continue.
“You know,” Cas says after a beat. “As beautiful as they are, pyrotechnics are extremely damaging to the environment.”
Dean can’t help but laugh because of course, Cas would say something like that in a moment like this. He laughs and laughs and regrets being the only one to have heard that; then again, he’s the only one who could’ve found that funny.
He laughs a bit more, wipes a tear, and sees that Cas is still just solemnly watching the show.
“Cas?”
“Yes, Dean?” He replies and then turns his head.
Dean wants to kiss him. He wants to kiss him so bad. Then he remembers where he is, physically and in his life right now, realizes whom he’s surrounded by at this very second, and decides that he can.
So he does. It’s not unlike the way he kissed Cas when they rescued him from the Empty. Granted, there’s less sweat, blood, adrenaline. But just like that day, they’re both on the ground, and the gesture catches Cas by surprise. Just like that day, Dean pulls Cas in gently by the back of his neck and there’s no hesitance or fear. Just like that day, he just does it, presses their lips firmly together, and relishes in the taste of Castiel, in the feeling of the person he loves most in this world kissing him back.
The one big difference is this: that day marked the beginning of the rest of his life. Today? Today is just Dean’s first Pride.
#userstarry#starrynightdeancas gift exchange#aaaahhh i hope you liked this beloved match!!!#gen.fics#spncreatorsdaily#creativecaviar#userjennmish#userdorksinlove#tuserari#plantdadcas#offbeattraxx#slipper007#thisisapaige#lyntracks#dean winchester#destiel#deancas#deanbenny#deancassie#saileen#dreamhunter#dean x lee#there's so many ships in this im sorry its ULTIMATELY destiel
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Let's talk about Supernatural 15x07, "Last Call."
Or as I like to call it, "the episode that makes me go feral because it tells us so much about Dean's sexuality, character, and arc."
YES others have written meta! YES I will talk about it myself for the satisfaction! I LOVE IT SO MUCH.
This post was originally a thread on Twitter and I am crossposting it to my blog.
Alt image IDs are included in that linked Twitter thread!
Join me on this journey.
What's the context of this episode? Dean's been kind of down/depressed, feeling hopeless in the face of the idea that they have to defeat God (and not really working towards that goal much), and he's mid-divorce with Cas. He goes out on this solo case to try to clear his head.
And he ends up at Swayze's Bar.
Look, there are many things to be said about this. Dean loves Patrick Swayze. Arguably has a CRUSH on Swayze. It's very tied up in Dean pretending not to like "chick flicks" but he secretly does, which is queer coding. This was a Choice™️.
Speaking of Choices™️: professional actors made many here. Deliberately.
Dean is smacked on the ass by a woman and then Lee smacks him on the ass too. Dean and Lee CONSTANTLY have physical familiarity and fond eye contact. I will limit myself to 1 paragraph about this lest I list it all.
My point is that I just really need every person to digest and accept the fact that this is textually bi Dean. Not subtext; it's TEXT.
Dean and Lee had a relationship. Their history is alluded to in touch and in words. They had an orgy together. Dean's bisexuality is not repressed.
It's also now canon that Dean tries to hide that he can sing well. Most people don't know (like Sam) but some do (Lee). Hence "Eye of the Tiger" callback.
And so: that's also the implication for his sexuality. Dean singing ON STAGE with bi lighting is him being ready to be Out.
They dedicated an entire half an ep at minimum to emphasizing he's bi... and to Dean having a conversation with someone he (initially) trusts about potentially having a break from hunting, and what that could mean.
LEE: You're chasing missing persons, huh? I thought you'd be on to something bigger by now, like the Loch Ness Monster... Bigfoot.
DEAN: Trust me, uh, bigger doesn't always equal better. Besides, who's gonna look out after the little guy? God certainly isn't.
LEE: Damn, brother, that's dark.
DEAN: Yeah, it's been a rough, uh... it's been a rough decade, Lee.
LEE: Yeah.
DEAN: But that's a conversation for a different time, 'cause this, this right here, this is all right.
LEE: Well, I'm glad you approve. This is nothing you can't have, man.
DEAN: Oh, come on. Who's gonna kill the bad guys?
LEE: Somebody else. Dean, how many lives you think you saved, huh? Hundreds? Thousands? You deserve a break, bro. Hell, you might even deserve two.
"But Lee turns out to be a villain!" some might say. "Isn't the point that giving up hunting is bad?"
Nope.
Lee's a DARK MIRROR for Dean. He exists to exhibit the truths behind Dean's desires, and then what they'd look like if they turned bad. Take it from him: "I am you."
There are LAYERS here. You can't focus on the dark side and ignore the truths that take place in the (often bi) light.
The singing? The conversations about taking a break? Throwing men out of the bar, which is framed heroically? "Road House rules" (another Choice™️)?
NONE of that was bad. It shows what Dean wants.
Things only get bad–literally and visually–when Dean's tied up as Lee suddenly says wrong things in the dark.
The contrast exists to show that maintaining Goodness is a choice, and Dean would have no problem upholding that.
LEE: It's called a marid. It's a freaky-looking little thing, isn't it? [Lee laughs, and Dean stares at him, incredulous] Ah. As long as you feed it, it gives you money, it gives you health, everything you dreamed of.
DEAN: And so, what, it just costs innocent lives?
LEE: Dean, you and I both know no one's innocent. After everything we've done, aren't... aren't we owed a little happiness, huh? Don't we deserve that much?
DEAN: Listen to yourself. "We're owed." "We deserve." Come on, man. You're not God. Hell, God's not even God.
LEE: Good or bad... the world doesn't care. No one cares, Dean.
DEAN: Well, I do.
LEE: Yeah. And that's what got you here. Now, takes a while to drain a man, but listen to me. Don't worry about it, all right? Don't worry because once you lose a couple of pints, you just fall asleep, and then it'll be over.
[Lee pats Dean on the shoulder]
DEAN: Lee.
LEE: This... this is not how I wanted this to go, Dean. When that blonde girl walked in here last night, I should've know, you know, Dean Winchester, the righter of wrongs, you were gonna keep digging, and you were gonna figure me out. And if it's got to be you or me, well, I got to pick me, man.
"No one cares, Dean."
"Well, I do."
It's a reminder to himself as much as it is to Lee. It's a re-centering of purpose that he sorely needs.
And what's also key? Lee is human, but is now a "monster" in Dean's words. Because Lee lost his ability to care, Dean can't abide by that.
(Side note: bonus for the fact that Lee dies up against a wall by being impaled and he coughs up blood. You know who doesn’t cough up blood in their very weird and unrealistic death scene? Dean in the finale.)
Remember: Lee is a dark mirror for Dean. "I am you."
By fighting and (tragically) killing Lee, Dean "kills" the darker side of himself. The side that's struggling to keep going right now... AND the side that fears eventually wanting a break means you must be selfish and stop caring.
He can keep going. He can find strength to fight God–and in the end, take a break and CHOOSE peace. It won't make him dark. He's the most caring man on Earth, even when it's hard. That’s reinforced later.
Isn't he owed a little happiness? And that's not in the having. It's in just being.
The bonus is what's going on with Cas in this episode.
Dean's clearing his head and finding his center again while Cas is calling him.
Come home. I need you. Remember what matters.
And again, contrast: Lee turns out not to be "real/true" in the way Dean thought he was. But Cas IS.
And after Dean goes through all of this... he's grounded again, he recognizes that even amongst questions of what God controls there are still choices to be made, he's reminded that letting his caring heart lead him is priority, he's lost another friend...
He comes home to Cas.
It's awkward. They're still distanced.
But this episode is a turning point for Dean. He's not angry at Cas anymore, he wants to talk, he's ready to move forward... he just doesn't know how to yet.
And if you follow the through-line... then you get Rowena saying "fix it"... and then after that is the Purgatory prayer.
I just !!!
S15 is packed with Dean development to hone in towards the end of his arc, but "Last Call" manages to hit SO many buttons.
• He's always been bi, & is ready to be Out
• He can want a break–& maybe run a bar like the Roadhouse
• Caring is at the core of who he is
It's about the CHOICE. It's about wanting to live your truths, and that "caring" can mean many things–from defeating God and saving the world, to making the hard choices when it counts, to maybe running a bar where people are safe.
14x10 and its matching Texan Star also say hello:
DEAN: How come you always have a boyfriend?
PAMELA: How come you only want what you can't have?
DEAN: Whoa.
PAMELA: Besides, you don't want me. You just like to flirt. I'm a psychic, so I kinda know.
DEAN: All right.
PAMELA: So, still not ready to sell the bar, huh? It's a lot of money.
DEAN: Sell? This bar? This is my dream.
PAMELA; Yeah.
And I recognize that rereading this info is sad(der) now because of what we got in the end, so uh... sorry.
But that's half the point: it's repeatedly blatantly clear what we were meant to get, down to deliberate echoes in word choice–caring, happiness, deserve, even Roadhouse.
Dean was meant to choose to take a break, maybe run a bar–whether on Earth or in Heaven. At minimum, if Dean was meant to end up in Heaven, he was meant to choose it with eyes wide open. And the next time the phone rang with Cas' name (15x19), he RAN for him. He was VERY ready.
And the whole season tells you that. This episode is just my favorite.
So... thanks for letting me ramble on about it!!!
DEAN WINCHESTER: BI ICON, ONCE-LOVER OF LEE WEBB, THE MOST CARING MAN ON EARTH WHO DESERVED TO CHOOSE PEACE AFTER GAINING HIS FREEDOM, & SOULMATE TO AN ANGEL
And a very big thank you to the talented kings Jensen Ackles & Christian Kane, and their longstanding friendship. They gave me many rights with their acting choices.
Here's an iconic bonus for the road.
#supernatural#spn meta#15x07 Last Call#Lee Webb#Dean Winchester#Destiel#Dean is bi#took a lot of self control for me to not go FUCKING FERAL in this#char writes things
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Glee Characters who should’ve been bisexual
Sam Evans. Rumor has it he was originally supposed to be gay and the writers changed their minds. In my opinion he had chemistry with literally everyone girl or guy, and I think the writers should’ve experimented (pun intended ahaha) with that. Like yes I love Samcedes to death but I really wish we would’ve saw him in a relationship with Blaine or hell even Artie later one down the line.
Quinn Fabray. I mean do I even have to explain this one? She literally picked on Rachel like a love sick puppy, and slept with her female best friend and you expect me to believe she came out of the scenario STRAIGHT? Nah I don’t believe it for one second.
Finn Hudson. Now this opinion might be a bit a controversial but I’ve always got bi feels from him, and I can’t really explain why but I just do (and honestly I think other people do to just too afraid to say it).
Rachel Berry. The chemistry between her and Quinn, and even her and Santana were incredible. In my opinion it would’ve made an amazing story line for Rachel to end up with one of the girls who bullied her (More so Quinn than Santana) and have the reason be that she bullied Rachel because she had a crush on her and didn’t know how to express it or deal with it.
Artie Abrams. He would’ve been a good choice because hello? he literally simps for all his male friends (except for maybe Puck).
Tina Cohen Chang. No explanation needed. She was supposed to be a lesbian (literally sang I kissed a girl as her audition song like what straight girl does that?). They should’ve made her like girls and that is FINAL.
Jake Puckerman. Idk I just never got straight feels from him. (Like hello his feud with Ryder? None of that was straight.)
Marley Rose and Unique Adams. I always thought Marley should like girls but I really didn’t think Unique should until I started seeing all this Marlique stuff and yeah. They should’ve been girlfriends (even tho I ADORE Jarley but still).
Add who think should’ve been bisexual down below! I want to hear yalls opinions on this.
#This is just my opinion so please don't hate#Glee#Sam Evans#Quinn Fabray#Finn Hudson#Rachel Berry#Artie Abrams#Tina Cohen Chang#Jake Puckerman#Marley Rose#Unique Adams#Blam#Faberry#Finn x Sam#Artie x Sam#Pezberry#Jyder#Marlique#Santina#Quinn x Tina#Gleeedit#Tvshowedit#Myedit
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Sam Winchester from supernatural should have been bi
[Id: Sam Winchester from Supernatural on the bi flag]
Sam Winchester from Supernatural should’ve been bi!
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Cis straight guy watching Supernatural for the first time LONG delayed update.
Ok, so there was a bit of drama there. Because see, when he said he was jumping down the train due to Amy’s death, he didn’t mean “the Dean fan’s train” but “The Supernatural train”. It REALLY bugged him that Amy was killed (and is still not happy about me calling her the Serial Killer) so he rage-quitted.
But of course, I couldn’t let things go since we still had to meet Charlie! And see his reaction to the whole Demon Dean’s mess. And Crowley’s love affair with Dean! So I played dirty.
See, this Cis guy has a weak spot: RED HEADS.
So I told him that if he quit, he’d miss THREE Red heads, all of them in different style of girls: The Nerdy girl, The BAMF and the MILF. And showed him ONE pic of Abaddon.
That was more than enough to convince him to re-start watching.
Anyway. Season Seven brought no more surprises except that he agreed that Dean’s ability to flirt with a guy is quite a bi-trait, even when he claimed HE’d have swooned too if he had met Elliot Ness so “it doesn’t count!”.
this from the man who said that Dean swooning over Dr. Sexy was totally a gay thing. I may reconsider my friend’s straightness if he keeps it up.
His reaction to the Coat: THAT WAS NOT BABY’S TRUNK!!! What kind of straight dude carries his “friend” coat through five cars?!
He really liked Frank but, given he is a comic book nerd AND a red head’s lover, He absolutely fell in love with Charlie.
the REAL surprise? “Mama Tran is the BEST character in the series, and if she had met Bobby, no apocalypse would’ve happened”
This came more in Season 8, but he is a big Linda Tran’ stan now and sometimes peppers his commentary on episodes with “this wouldn’t have happened if they called Linda”
He thinks the whole Purgatory arc should’ve been longer and has called Benny “Dean’s side piece” more than once.
He is VERY angry at Sam for abandoning Kevin, but doens’t really mind he didn’t save Dean as “they made a promise”.
Have I mentioned how MUCH he is the fan the CW wanted?
Oh, he just met Henry and Abadon. After he drooled over Abadon and then begged me to tell him she wasn’t going to die next time she showed up, he said that Henry is a better grampa but... that he proved that John DIDN’T do anything wrong.
Yes, he is still a John Winchester’s defender.
Oh, but the BEST part of the last convo we had?
I have bought a TON of tea from Adagio fandom teas, in specific the Delicious Dean Winchester’s tea. Yesterday I had a sore throat, and made some while we were talking. This was the following exchange on zoom
Him: Feeling better?
Me: Oh, yes, Dean really goes down smoothly.
Him: That’s what Castiel said.
Me: ....
Him: ....
Me: You SURE you don’t ship them?
Him: I don’t ship them! But I think the writers do!
He hasn’t commented yet on how season 8 kinda nerfed Dean, but he said also that he hates how every time Dean learns something new and Sam comments on it, Dean stops doing the thing.
He will probably end season 8 this week so I will try to keep you posted more often.
#the one fan the cw wanted but was here too late#the one fan the cw wanted but got too late to the party#cis straight guy watching SPN#supernatural#dean winchester#castiel#he says he doesn't ship them#I don't believe him
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keep me as your finish line.
stevetony. avengers assemble. rated t. fake/pretend relationship. 4.9k words.
for the fall backwards: an avengers assemble flash exchange hosted by @cap-ironman and @ishipallthings
also on ao3.
*****
Like most shenanigans of this sort, it happens on a Tuesday.
“—was saying! But Sam told me— Hey, what’s that?”
Tony follows Steve’s line of sight, pointed towards a small glimmer coming out from the cracks on the sidewalk. Steve edges closer, getting down on one knee to pick it up.
“What is it? A dime?”
“Nope,” Steve replies, holding his hand up. “Not even close.”
It’s a ring. It’s a pretty thing, a band of silver with a small diamond nestled in the middle.
“Why, Steven,” Tony begins teasingly, “you’re going to propose to me in the middle of a sidewalk?”
Steve’s grin widens. “Carpe diem.”
“How romantic.”
Tony’s about to drag Steve up to his feet when a flash of light stills him.
There’s a crowd gathered around them, holding out their phones and they grin manically.
“Say yes!” someone calls.
“Say what?” Tony asks.
“Say yes,” Steve replies, infuriatingly calm. “They want you to marry me.”
Tony freezes. The noise around them grows louder.
“Well, Shellhead?” Steve murmurs, his grin plastered back on. “Marry me?”
Tony should say no. He should haul Steve to his feet and tell everyone to scram, tell them that this is all a misunderstanding. He should toss the ring far, far away and make a run for it.
“Yes,” he whispers instead.
*****
Tony breaks the silence halfway through the elevator ride.
“Well, that was something.”
Steve chuckles. “I’m never picking a ring up ever again.”
Tony lets out a hollow laugh of his own. “The board’s going kill me.”
“No, they won’t.”
“Yes, they will,” Tony insists. “Me a part of a fake public proposal? The stocks are going to plunge, the board will be on me even more than usual, and the media—”
The media. The public.
Steve.
Oh god.
“Steve,” Tony begins, “I—”
The elevator doors open. They step into the common area.
There’s a banner that’s stuck to the ceiling with arrows that says, ‘CONGRATULATIONS ON THE ENGAGEMENT’, in block letters. Heart-shaped balloons hang from every corner of the room. Cupcakes with icing in Captain America and Iron Man colors are stacked high in the middle of the dining table.
“Surprise!” Sam cries out.
Clint whoops. Thor blows on his party horn.
Oh god. The team.
How could he forget?
“We are not telling them,” Steve murmurs.
“Yes, we will,” Tony hisses back.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
Tony would’ve argued back if Hulk hadn’t gathered them both into his arms, squeezing them with his massive, massive arms.
“‘Bout time you got together,” he says cheerfully before mashing Steve and Tony’s faces together.
That’s how Steve and Tony have their first kiss.
*****
They don’t end up telling them.
Tony doesn’t know why they don’t. It’d make sense to. They’re all friends. They’d understand how stupid the whole thing is, even if Tony has to suffer at the hands of their teasing.
But then Thor claps Tony on the back and regales the team with every instant Steve and Tony would wax poetic about each other and Sam shoves congratulatory cookies into his face and Bruce shows up to offer his congratulations and Tony just can’t bring himself to say anything. At least not yet.
Steve is perfectly content with keeping up with the charade, sticking by Tony’s side and openly holding his hand and nuzzling his cheek and looking at Tony as if he’s his whole world.
It doesn’t make sense. Steve’s the paragon of righteousness and truth. He never lies. Why he would start doing it now, over something dumb like this? It’s beyond Tony.
“About time you kids came out with it,” Clint says between mouthfuls of cake. “Felt like you kids were taking forever to tell us.”
“Which you didn’t,” Natasha points out, arching an eyebrow.
Steve rolls his eyes, wrapping his arm around Tony’s waist and pulling him close. “We figured you guys would just hound us about it.”
“Hey, I can behave.”
“Sure you can,” Steve says before brushing his lips against Tony’s cheek.
Clint makes a retching sound. “You know what? I’m glad you guys kept it on the down-low. Don’t think I could take any form of PDA from either of you.”
God, if he only knew. If all of them only knew.
*****
The thing about being fake engaged while living with friends is that they have to share the same living space.
Which means sharing the same bed.
“I can take the floor,” Tony says as he exits his bathroom. “I’ve slept on worse.”
Steve’s gaze falls on him. He’s already dressed down in a tank top and shorts. Tony does his best to avert his gaze.
“Don’t be stupid. It’s big enough for the both of us.”
Tony glances at his king-sized bed with doubt.
Steve rolls his eyes and beckons him over.
Like a moth to a flame, Tony follows.
*****
The next morning is total chaos.
Tony’s phone is overwhelmed with messages and missed calls. His inbox is full of lengthy emails. The press is divided. So is the board.
Fury asks to see him, to see them.
The team has gathered in the communal kitchen when Steve and Tony head down in rumpled clothes and bed hair. The grins they send them are wolfish.
“Good night?” Clint begins, waggling his eyebrows.
Steve beams, draping his arm around Tony’s shoulder. “Very good night.”
And it’s too much. Too sudden. Too everything.
So like any sane person would in this kind of situation, Tony hides.
*****
Steve forces his way into the workshop on the fourth day.
“You can’t hide from me forever,” he says. “The team’s worried about you. I’m worried about you.”
Tony ignores him, fixating on the hundredth tabloid headline about him and Steve on the screen in front of him instead.
Steve closes the news with a wave of the hand. “Hey,” he says softly, “you alright?”
Tony doesn’t say anything for a long moment. “It’s a mess. The whole thing’s a mess. Imagine when everyone finds out that this is all fake. They’ll kill us.”
“Not if we stay engaged.”
Tony whips around to face Steve. “You can’t be serious.”
Steve nods, solemn. “Oh, I’m serious.”
“JARVIS, run a—”
“I’m not a Skrull,” Steve huffs. “Or an LMD. Or under the influence of magic. Or mind-controlled. I genuinely do think we should stay engaged. At least, for now.”
Tony stares at him in disbelief. “God, do you hear yourself right now? Does it make sense to—”
“Yes.” Steve pulls up the holograms again, scrolling through. “Look. Everyone’s happy—”
“Not everyone.”
“The team’s happy for us. Fury isn’t pissed for once. The stocks have been soaring since the news. If you haven’t been reading trashy tabloids and right-winged articles, you would know that a lot of people are supportive. In fact,” Steve opens a new article, “a lot of people in the LGBTQ+ community are excited. The announcement’s helped a lot of people come out, or at least be more accepting of their own identities. It’s good for the people.”
Tony exhales heavily. “I’m not saying it isn’t. God knows that everyone needs all the support they can get. It’s just that we shouldn’t. It’s not right. I may be pan but you’re—”
“I’m bi.”
Tony blinks. “You’re—”
“Bisexual,” Steve affirms.
Tony files that information away for later. He’s one step closer to having a mental breakdown and processing the revelation that Steve’s bisexual wouldn’t help matters.
“Regardless, this isn’t a life or death situation. I can deal with the company and the press and—”
“You’re my friend. I can help.”
“What if you find someone you—”
“I don’t think I will,” Steve says firmly.
“Steve, I—” Tony sighs, wiping his face with his hand. “What about the team? Shouldn’t they know?”
“The fewer people that know, the better.”
Tony blinks. “Are you crazy?”
Steve grins. “Nope.”
“Well, jury’s out on that.” Tony groans, slumping in his seat. “God, we should’ve told them it was all a misunderstanding.”
Steve smiles, squeezing Tony’s shoulder in reassurance. “It’ll all work out. You’ll see.”
Tony highly doubts that.
“You’re not going to wear someone else’s ring.”
“You can make me a new one.”
“I figured you’d say that. So, you know.” Tony climbs up to his feet, pulling one of his desk drawers open and reaching inside. “I didn’t lock myself up for no reason. Here. It’s not vibranium but uh, hope you like it.”
Steve takes the ring out from the velvet box gingerly, as if he’s afraid it’ll break. “You’ve always had my heart,” he murmurs as he examines the inscription on the silver band. “Wow.”
Tony’s breath catches at the reverence in Steve’s tone. “Figured you’ll like that kind of sappy thing.”
“I do,” Steve says and god he sounds so happy, so touched, so— “Here’s yours.”
It’s a simple gold ring, with a familiar scrawl engraved on the inside.
You’ve given me a home.
Tony almost breaks down.
*****
read the rest of ao3.
#fallbackwardsexchange2021#capimuniversemedley#stevetony#stony#superhusbands#avengers assemble#steve rogers#tony stark#universe medley fest#*fic
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Late night call
AU Destiel oneshot
Castiel groans into his pillow. Who the hell calls him in the middle of the night? If this isn't a real emergency, then…
He squints at the screen when he finally gets hold of his phone with clumsy fingers and picks up swiftly when he sees who it is.
Dean. His best friend since college. Castiel was his best man at his impromptu wedding. Dean is the love of his life. But Dean doesn't know. Can't know. And that's fine. There is no place Castiel would rather be than at Dean's side. It's enough for him to see his best friend happy, thriving.
It hurts, too. The aching of longing. The pining that catches him in the most unexpected moments. Dean is beautiful inside out, and Castiel tries not to dream, tries to build a life beyond his best friend. And he does. He has other friends, people who are like family to him, even though they don't share blood. Like Dean's brother Sam, or the neighbours' kids Jack and Claire for whom he is kind of a surrogate father. He has Kelly and Charlie, Rowena and Hannah. He knows he's blessed.
But all of them are circling around the Winchester brothers in one way or another, and it always comes back to Dean, who makes him smile until his face hurts, his heart racing until it threatens to beat out of his chest, and a million knots tying his stomach tightly when he sees Dean kiss his wife Lisa, who is lovely, and beautiful, and everything Dean wants in his life. So Castiel loves her, too. Because she makes Dean happy in a way their friendship can't.
"Hi, Dean. Everything okay?"
"You son of a bitch," Dean slurs over the phone, clearly intoxicated.
Castiel blinks into the near-darkness of his bedroom, the clock radio showing 3.23.
"Dean, what's going on?" he asks, running a hand over his eyes.
"You destroyed my marriage."
Four words and so much to unpack. First—since when is Dean's marriage not peach-perfect? Second—what the hell did he do? Third...
"You son of a bitch, why do you have to be so fucking beautiful? With those eyes and those hands and those lips? You don't even get half of my jokes. Why do I have to be in love with you? Fuck!"
Castiel is struck speechless. Where is all of this coming from, all of a sudden? Dean likes his looks? He always makes fun of his ill-fitting suits and his trenchcoat. And then, the second part...
"I fucking love you, man, and Lis knows. She's known for months and now she's gone. Taken Ben, and left me the house. She doesn't want anything. A whole year, and she leaves because I can't stop loving you."
Castiel doesn't know what to say. His heart doesn't know if it is supposed to grow because the man who holds it returns his feelings, or if it is supposed to break into little pieces because Dean is so clearly sad that he failed at being a husband and father, living the apple pie life. But maybe Dean is just out of it in grief and the booze mixes up the different feelings that Dean holds for him and Lisa. Yes. It's probably just that. No reason to raise his hopes over the ruins of his friend's marriage.
Castiel's heart clenches painfully in his chest with a wave of longing and sorrow that no human being should ever endure.
"So, you've got nothing to say, huh?"
Castiel moves his lips. It's hard to form words. But he has to. For Dean.
"Dean, you should drink a huge glass of water and go to sleep. I'll bring you a hangover breakfast and we'll talk. Okay?"
"Always so mature," Dean mutters. "I'm pouring my heart out. But I know. You could never love me back. I'm a mess."
Castiel swallows hard. "You're not a mess, Dean. You are strong and caring…"
"...and a good friend. Yada yada. I don't want to be strong, Cass. Or a friend."
"Dean, you're drunk."
"Still in love with you, buddy."
Castiel breathes a sigh. It's too late for such a conversation. Or too early. "Listen, Dean, hang up, and tell me this when you're sober, okay? You're wasted and probably won't remember a word come tomorrow."
Dean lets out an ugly laugh. "You hope. Sorry to bother you."
"You could never be a bother." Dean doesn't hear the reply. He's hung up for real, leaving Castiel looking at the barely illuminated ceiling until dawn dips his bedroom into light.
***
"Hey, Cass," Dean says in a gravelly voice, squinting against the sunlight. Castiel raises the bag with the breakfast. He doesn't dare say a word, worried about stumbling over each syllable and making a fool of himself.
Platonic love. That's what Dean was clearly talking about. Maybe Lisa was fed up with their closeness, with the single friend joining their family dinners too often, the way Castiel stared at her husband a bit too long and always way too intense.
Castiel spreads the food on Dean's dinner table, taking in the missing photographs on the wall and the half-empty DVD and CD shelves. His heart aches. Dean must feel empty, too. He loved Lisa, Castiel knows that. And Ben, her son.
They sit down and eat in silence. It's thick and heavy and Castiel can't remember a single time that it has been like this before. So many unspoken words, so many unasked questions. But what is he supposed to do? Supposed to say?
He pushes a package of painkillers over the table instead and watches how Dean's Adam's apple bobs when he swallows them down. He shouldn't look at Dean like this.
You destroyed my marriage.
It was probably things like this. But why did Lisa move out? Why didn't she simply demand that they give up their friendship?
"Because she wants me to be happy," Dean says, and with horror, Castiel realises that he has spoken the question out loud. Dean huffs a laugh. "I'm sorry, man. I never planned to say a word. Our friendship is too important to me."
"I didn't know you were gay," Castiel blurts out when understanding hits him like a baseball bat.
"I'm bi. Never talked about it. Most straight men freak out if they know."
Castiel takes a sip of his coffee. "And you thought I would, too?"
Dean shrugs his shoulders. "With your religious upbringing and all the no-sex-before-marriage stuff, I took a wild guess. It wasn't worth risking our friendship."
"I get what you mean. That's why I never told you I'm gay."
Dean's mouth falls open and he blinks at Castiel several times before he collects himself. "Okay."
Castiel smiles shyly. "So. You want to repeat what you said last night or…?"
Dean fidgets with the paper napkin before he runs it over his mouth. Castiel finds his nervousness endearing. He has seen Dean flirt easily with women everywhere, but here he is, cheeks burning crimson, unable to meet his eyes.
Castiel waits patiently but no less nervous than the man opposite him.
"I—" Dean trails off and Castiel's heart sinks. It had been the alcohol. He had meant it platonically. Fuck!
"It's okay," Castiel says. "I understand."
"No, you don't! Just gimme a moment."
Castiel nods and folds his hands in his lap. It's always better to let Dean work through his thoughts, to wait him out.
Dean looks up, eyes soft and unsure, vulnerable as Castiel has never seen them before. "I love you, Cass."
Now, Castiel's heart is bursting for sure, but he keeps the shell pulled tight. "Like a friend?"
Dean shakes his head. "The way I should've loved Lisa, but couldn't, because…" He gestures in Castiel's direction.
Castiel's lips curl up into a soft smile. "I love you too, Dean. Have for a very long time."
Dean sighs, the relief rushing out of his lungs. He nods and mirrors the dopey smile on Castiel's face. "Awesome."
Castiel grins. "Yes, indeed."
#destiel#deancas#destiel au#deancas au#friends to lovers#idiots in love#destiel fic#destiel fanfic#destiel fanfiction#destiel fandom#deancas fic#deancas fanfic#deancas fanfiction#deancas fandom
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Jazz Appreciation Post
I love her 🥺 and she doesn't get enough attention in my opinion
her relationship with her parents.
Is very much as complex as it is with Danny. Jazz helped take care of danny, because that's what big sisters do. But that role was put to extreme because of their parents bizzar-o dangerous career. Caring for danny when they'll were to far up in their heads about santa or projects.
her getting into psychology because she became invested in why people were like that; starting with wondering why her parents were like that.
And then realizing things and making sure danny was having a better time than she did in her highschool years (is she a senior? A junior? An upperclassman anyway). But uh oh, turns out he became half Ghost due to her parents career.
But they're the parents. Sure they aren't perfect but it'd be fine to talk to them about this, right? It's got to be fine, it should be fine. It should be an unquestionable choice because parents take care of their kids.
But of course it isn't. Because her parents are like that and they hate ghosts. She's gonna help danny tho, because some kind of adult person should. Because kids need good role models, and she's gonna try. Because so far, she's the only good role model for she knows. (And she knows that sucks because they both know they're both still kids.)
She should've been focused on more in the show than she had been
the show never have her freinds because she was literally an academic loner "but don't worry guys she's happy-go-lucky, she's happy with how she is, it doesn't bother her at all she's fine, promise :)".
She's the closest thing to a good role model that danny has, which sucks. Even the nicer ghosts attacked him at first (Wulf, Frostbite, Clockwork) with the only exception being the Dairy King. But he was barely present in the show.
There should've been an episode where Danny tried his best to mentally/emotionally support her.
She either should've had a freind group or at least made a single freind at all
(I propose the character "Spike" that was shown in the first episode then never again) (his character model wasn't even in Freakshow's initial episode like, come on)
Jazz is a very attentive person, especially when it comes to Danny. Something that the show did play with. (Example A: The Ultimate Enemy) so I think there maybe should've been a Jazz centric episode featuring that. Or maybe a jazz centric episode where she gets more character depth than that. Like what her day to day life looks like.
She should've had a more active role in the whole situation between Dash & Danny
Bonus: headcanons and other thoughts
She does people watching sometimes. Likes relaxing in the park in some of her self allowed free-time because she can casually watch people going about their business.
She keeps a diary (who's she gonna tell her inner most thoughts to? Herself that's who. Because the show didn't give her freinds.)(I'm Salty ok?)
I do very much beleive she's acted as her own therapist for a while. Her psychology and therapy studying helping her figure things out on her own. Good at thinking critically saviour her feelings when she has the time to.
I want realisticSibling interactions. I want age old disagreements on which type of snack food is superior or something. (I want Fenton Sibling dynamic content and I'll make it myself if I have to)
Jazz hanging out with the trio more as time goes on.
Jazz obtaining a best freind in her age group (make nonbinary Spike her best freind is my agenda)
Jazz hanging out with Sam as girls. (OR, I've seen that Trans boy Sam idea going around, Jazz [& Danny] helping Sam with all that)
💖 Jazz 💖
Jazz, ironically enough, likes listening to smooth jazz, among other calm music. (Her life is hectic as it is, music helps everyone in some way)
Jazz is bi-ace or lesbian-ace (because I said so)
Jazz & Dani Sibling(-esque) interaction as the oldest sister and youngest "sister"
I have more thoughts but it's honestly hard to articulate them past "💖✨❤️Jazz❤️✨💖"
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I am very aware of my dean-centric tendencies, but I do have various and sundry headcanons for our boy sam winchester:
sam’s an addict. that doesn’t just go away because he stops drinking demon blood. he craves it all. the. time.
and there’s no 12-step program for this. but he does pop into various anonymous meetings while on the road. sometimes it’s alcoholics, sometimes it’s narcotics—doesn’t really matter, since he can’t tell the whole truth anyway. but being around other people who struggle. who fall off the wagon or don’t. it helps.
it’s also where sam’s healthy habits stem from. running is a natural high and his cravings are always worst first thing in the morning. right after dreaming and before coffee.
he’s not a vegetarian, but if he’s honest with himself he knows he’s headed in that direction. he gave up red meat pretty early on. because the thing about demon blood is it’s, well, blood. smokier. with a hint of sulpher. and all it’s mystical, addictive properties. but still blood.
not that he wants to drink human blood. ew, no. he’s not a vampire. but it is a trigger. esp a rare steak with it’s pan-fried sear... that wisp of ash and smoke and... and he doesn’t eat it anymore. no red meats. no bacon. nothing with that awful artificial smoke flavoring. and oddly, hard-boiled eggs.
also he still has psychic powers. nothing big, like telekinesis or prophetic dreams. nothing really even noticable. dean doesn’t notice. just thinks he has good instincts. knows how to dig a case out of a few headlines and some googling. which, yes. that’s just good research. but it’s also a gut feeling. a knowing. that there’s something there before he backs it up with lore.
he’s pretty sure cas knows. will give him one of those head tilt stares when sam’s not paying attention and his fingers fly over the keyboard. just a little too fast. when his first guess is always right. when he complains about having a bad feeling about a case—and then it goes bad.
cas never says anything tho. sam chalks it up to friendship. but also. it’s kinda cas’ way of acknowledging that sam’s powers, slight as they are, are not a problem. are in their own way normal. well, normal for them. for him. just another facet, like his hair, that makes sam sam.
eileen knows, too. he told her, pretty early on, when things started to become serious between them. told her his whole bloody history. terrified she’d look at him in disgust and walk out the bunker door. and never come back.
he should’ve known better.
she took it in stride. then told him her own secrets. things were amazing after that. they had some hunting wins, sam finished an online certification in database infrastructure he’d been working on, eileen and cas were spending more time in the bunker, and dean had found a vintage part for the impala he’d been searching for since they were teenagers. life was good.
until it wasn’t.
sam had gone out so dean and cas could have a date night in. he’d spent some time at the sports shop buying new running shoes and then popped into the used bookstore to pick up the books he’d ordered. he got back to the bunker late and cas and dean were (thankfully) no where to be found.
but the remnants of their dinner was still on the table. smiling, sam blew out the candles and picked up the dishes to take them to kitchen. he noticed the smell immediately. steak. rare. the kitchen reeked of smoke. he beat a hasty retreat, took a few deep breaths, and went to his room. let dean clean up his own mess in the morning.
it was about 3am when eileen got in. she’d been on a demon hunt with jody and sam had been expecting her. so he just rolled over and let her climb into bed. she threw a bandaged arm over his side, tracing OK onto his back to let him know she was fine, before promptly falling asleep. sam did too.
he woke with a shout. eileen’s side of the bed was empty. his throat felt like he’d swallowed ashes and his nose was clogged with sulpher. he’d been dreaming of ruby. his skin felt two sizes too small. he felt like screaming. or maybe crying. he needed coffee so bad.
wandering to the kitchen he found dean making bacon and eggs, humming under his breath. cas was at the table, reading a book, a giant glass of V8 in his hand.
are you kidding me. sam ran his hands thru his hair a couple of times. tried to center himself before grabbing his favorite mug from the cabinet. the air had a burnt smell to it. his mouth watered.
he almost fell out of his chair when eileen came up behind him for a hug. she was freshly showered. her wet hair smelled faintly like vanilla. it was the dark hair that had startled him. his eyes fixed on the too-red of cas’ drink. smoke and blood and sulpher clawing at his nose.
eileen kept a gentle hand on his bicep, but took a step out of his personal space. dean stopped humming. cas stopped reading. they all stared. his knee started bouncing under the table. he beat a hasty retreat.
eileen found him in the library, staring at his open laptop. she sat in the chair next to him. a silent, calm presense. she knew him too well. knew she could wait him out while he got his thoughts in order. and eventually, he did. just started talking. about the smoky kitchen last night. the way her hair had smelled of sulpher when she returned from her hunt. the dream. then the stupid juice and stupid bacon and how stupid it made him feel. how out of control.
with a nod at all the right places, eileen just sat quietly and let him talk. get it all off his chest. when it was clear he was done she called him a dumbass. scolded him for thinking he could this all his own. you’re problems are my problems, sam. you can’t just tell them to me and think I won’t lift a finger to share them.
and share them she did. hauling sam up from bis chair, eileen dragged him to the kitchen where she proceeded to rip dean and cas new ones for being so insensitive. pointing at the fridge, she made dean clean out all the red meat. upended cas’ drink in the sink and sent him to get some air freshner from the store. then she tossed sam in the shower, while she stripped the sheets of their bed and did the laundry.
he felt better after. still on edge, but better. eileen was sitting on the freshly made bed with his laptop open. she signed while talking. she’d found a narcotics anonymous one town over. I think you need a sponsor. for the bad days. like today.
as usual she was right. sam had been thinking the same for a while. eileen was the shove he needed tho. her love and intensity and fierce protectiveness the balm he needed.
it was still a bad day. but it was a little less bad because he had her at his side. sam leaned over to shut the laptop and snuck a kiss to the side of her lips. then he scooped up her hand to kiss her knuckles. a move guaranteed to make her blush.
she shoved him off the bed. now go for your run sam winchester. he laughed and did as he was told.
#hey sam girls (gender neutral) I wrote this for you#sam winchester#spn#dean winchester#castiel#eileen leahy#saileen#destiel#headcanon turned drabble
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Not Friends
Summary: It’s time for a wedding! Sam and Jess are getting married and Dean needs someone to pretend to be his girlfriend in front of his family. Good thing his friend Y/N is willing to help.
Pairing: Dean x Reader // Sam x Jess
Word count: 8,846
Warnings: fluff, fake dating, nudity (but it’s barely there), waxing
A/N: this was writen for “SPN Bi-Weekly Writing Challenge” hosted by the darling @supernatural-jackles. There are 7 prompts in this one and they’re all in bold. Hope y’all enjoy!
“I still don’t get why you asked me to do this. I’m not a professional,” you mumbled. “Since it’s the first time you’re doing this, you really should’ve gone to a professional.”
“I know, I know,” Jess sighed, taking another gulp of the wine. “I lost track of time and forgot to set an appointment. It’s just that Sam is planning something special for this weekend. I wanted to look nice.”
“You’ve been together for nearly five years, Jess. The guy asked you to marry him. And knowing him, he doesn’t mind if you wax or trim or do nothing down there.”
“I know he doesn’t. But I’m not just doing this for him. I’m doing this for me,” she said. “Does it hurt?”
“A little,” you shrugged. “Alright, now lay down.”
Jess did as told, placing her glass on the nightstand. She was naked from the waist down, a white towel covered her lady bits. You could see it on her face that she was nervous. It would be better if she was a little drunk for you to do this.
“Move the towel so we can get going,” you asked, holding a popsicle with a large blob of yellow wax.
She gritted her teeth and her breath was caught in her throat when you spread the burning wax over the top of her mound. Jess clenched her eyes shut.
“We shouldn’t do this. I’m already regretting it.”
“You’ll be fine, Jess. Trust me.”
Jess took in a deep breath, relaxing a little.
“Before I do this, I need you to know that I have always loved you,” you said before pulling the strip off.
“Fuck!” She nearly screamed, sitting up straight.
“Here,” you offered her the bottle of wine. “See? It wasn’t that bad.”
“It wasn’t that bad?” Her blue eyes widened. “It was worse than I expected.”
“You know that we’re not finished, right?”
“I know,” she cried, taking another gulp of the whine and finishing the bottle.
Jess laid back and you repeated the process. She winced once again.
“And to think I was gonna ask you to be my maid of honor.”
“You were what?” You exclaimed.
“Well, I was gonna ask you properly next week and it was gonna be beautiful, but I guess I ruined everything.”
“I can’t believe you chose me to be your maid of honor,” you couldn’t stop the big smile to spread over your lips, happy tears welled in your eyes.
“Really?” She smiled. “I thought it was kinda obvious.”
“Of course not! I was sure you were gonna ask one of your sisters.”
“Y/N, we both know that none of them would be able to help organize a wedding.”
“I’m truly honored, Jess,” you hugged her. “God, you’re gonna have the wedding of your dreams.”
“I love you, Y/N/N.”
“I love you too.”
Three years ago, Sam proposed to Jess. You still remember the day when she came running to your place to tell you everything and show the beautiful diamond ring on her finger. She was truly happy. Her blue eyes held a glisten you had never seen before. You were happy for her.
Jess wanted a big wedding. She had enough money to throw a magnificent ceremony. Sam was a bit worried about how they would afford it so they decided to wait to get married. They worked out on a budget and started saving money. Both of them had established jobs; Sam as a lawyer and Jess as a prosecutor. They saved enough money to have their dream wedding. Twice.
You helped Jess organize everything. You hired one of the best wedding planners in the U.S. and they were perfect. Jess was on cloud nine. She still had some stress, but in the end, she reminded herself that everything would be okay. She was nervous people wouldn’t come because it was a destination wedding. Sam and Jess picked Maui, Hawaii for their ceremony. More specifically, Makena Cove Beach. So she saved extra money to pay for the guests’ staying at a resort. It was a damn expensive wedding.
Jess was born into a wealthy family. They never had to worry about money. Good thing they weren’t snobs. Her parents insisted on paying for hers and the bridesmaids’ dresses. They paid yours too. They even wanted to pay for Sam’s tuxedo, but John and Mary wouldn’t have it. Her parents wanted to help. Their oldest daughter was getting married and they wanted to give her everything. It was nice of them. Jess and Sam were glad for their willingness to help, but they also wanted to be more independent and bear the expenses.
Sam wasn’t born into a rich family, but the Winchesters weren’t poor either. John owned a law firm in Lawrence and Mary owned a bakery. They couldn’t assist as much as Jess’ parents, but they managed to help out anyway.
October 24th was getting closer and closer. You were so excited about their wedding day. Seeing them so radiant was priceless. They deserved all the happiness in the world. With less than one week left for the ceremony, you had to do the last touch-ups for the reception. That includes finishing your speech.
You had never thought you’d enjoy organizing a wedding this much. Thanks to you and the bridesmaid team, Jess had an epic bachelorette party. And poor Sam had to deal with the bachelor party Dean threw for him. It was a nice party, of course, but Sam wasn’t the kind of guy that enjoyed being around strippers. The bridal shower was fun too and she got lots of nice gifts.
Dean, the best man and your best friend, was doing everything he could to support his brother. He even went out with Sam to buy his tuxedo.
“Hey Claire,” you grinned walking into the car shop.
“Hi Y/N,” she smiled. “Dean said you were coming. He’s in the back.”
“Thanks, darling.”
Winchester’s Auto Shop. Dean was passionate about cars since he was a little kid. He became a mechanic and after years of hard work, he opened his own shop. You were proud of him. Seeing him conquer so much in his life only made you love your best friend even more.
“Hey you,” grinning, you spotted Dean underneath his car.
“Hey, sweetheart,” he said, struggling with whatever he was doing to the muscle car.
“Why are you working on Baby?” You nudged his feet.
“Had to replace the pipe,” he said before standing up to meet you. His grey shirt and denim jeans covered in grease. “And done.”
Your fingers trailed over the shining hood. Dean circled the car and started the engine. The impala roared to life, a purr following.
“There you go, Baby,” a wide smile spread on his lips. He turned off the ignition and took a step back, contemplating the beauty of his most precious possession. “Isn’t she beautiful?”
“Yeah, Dean, she is,” you rolled your eyes playfully. “Alright, why did you call me here?”
“We can talk in my office,” he suggested. “With chairs and AC.”
You nodded and followed him to his office. He opened the door and you rushed to the comfortable chair in front of his desk. There was something about his office that was very homey. It made you feel at ease.
Dean headed to the mini-fridge and picked a couple of beers for the two of you. He sat on his desk, handing your beverage. You frowned at him, taking a gulp. He seemed tense.
“Alright, Winchester, spill.”
“I, uh, I know this kinda seems out of the blue and that I should’ve talked to you sooner, but,” he stopped his rambling and only made you more anxious.
“But?” You arched your eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.
“I just need you to do this one little thing for me,” his pleading green eyes held your gaze.
“And that is…”
“Fake date me?” His lips curled into a weak smile as his brows furrowed, voice full of uncertainty.
“Sure,” you shrugged. “But why?”
“My parents are gonna be at Sam’s wedding and I don’t want them to pick on me for not having someone, you know?” His eyes fell to his lap, the beer in his hand untouched. “I mean, Sam’s their youngest and he’s getting married. I don’t even have a girlfriend. ‘Sides, you know everything there is to know about me so it would be easier for them to buy it. You sure you wanna do it?”
“I’m sure, Dean,” you smiled at him, placing your hand over his. Green eyes looked up to meet you. “There’s nothing wrong about being single at your age. And if your parents think otherwise, screw them.”
“Thanks, Y/N/N.”
“You’re lucky, you know?”
“And why’s that?” He took a large gulp of his beer.
“You’re gonna get to kiss me anytime you want,” you shrugged. “Just a heads up, people say I’m a pro at that.”
“Guess I’m gonna have to find that out myself,” he winked at you.
A comfortable silence fell in the room. Both of you nursed your beers isolated in your worlds.
“Did you finish your speech?” You asked.
“Yeah. It turned out really good actually. Did you finish yours?”
“Not yet,” you sighed. “I’m still trying to figure out how not to cry when I read it.”
Dean chuckled, standing up and putting on his blue flannel.
“I’m done for the day. Do you need a ride?” You nodded in response. “You going to Rocky’s or home?”
“Rocky’s,” you sighed in frustration as you headed to the door. “Gotta make up for the time Pam is gonna cover for me.”
“I thought you were gonna close the bar while we are in Hawaii.”
“I was, but Pam thought it was better to keep it open. She has way more experience in running a bar so I decided to go by her.”
Dean opened the door to the impala for you before getting behind the steering wheel. He turned the ignition and Baby’s loud purr filled your ears.
“I don’t get why we’re traveling tomorrow already,” he whined. “The wedding is only Saturday. We could hop on the plane on Thursday.”
“C’mon, I’m the maid of honor. In case anything goes wrong, I’m there,” you explained. “And you, Winchester, are the best man. You gotta help me.”
The ride to the bar was mostly quiet, saved for the sound of one of Dean’s cassettes. The night was falling and you were glad the bar closed at 10pm tonight. Dean pulled up in the driveway. You couldn’t find it in you to get out of the car and go to work. Monday nights were always dead and that’s way worse than having a busy night. The time just didn’t seem to pass.
“Do you want me to pick you up?”
“Nah, I’m good,” you smiled. “Thanks, Dean,” you leaned and pecked his stubbled cheek.
“Take care, sweetheart.”
You hopped out of the car, making your way to the bar. Every time he dropped you off at work or at home, he’d wait for you to come in then he’d head out. Tonight was no different.
“Y/N,” you turned and found Dean leaning on his seat. “Do you want to meet me at the airport or I pick you up and we head to the airport?”
“Pick me up,” you smiled. “Eight sharp, Dean.”
“Alrighty,” his lips curled into a smile. “Night, sweetheart.”
“Night, Dean-o.”
————
“Ugh, I’m so, so tired,” you grumbled, plopping down onto the airplane seat.
“Hmm, me too.”
Dean reclined his chair, his eyes were already closed. The plane hadn’t even taken off and he was almost asleep.
“Dean,” your voice was ever so soft.
“Hmm,” he blinked an eye open to take a peek at your pleading face.
“I’m cold.”
“Alright, c’mere,” he sneaked his arm around you, pulling you closer to his body. Your head laying on his chest. “Better?”
“Better.”
“You aren’t cold, are you?”
“Not really,” you chuckled. “Just love some snuggle before falling asleep. And I know that planes make you uncomfortable. So I hope this helps.”
“It does,” you could hear the smile in his voice. “Now go to sleep.”
You and Dean slept through almost the entire flight. You called a cab and made your way to the resort you were staying at. Sam and Jess wanted to pay for yours and Dean’s stay, but you insisted on paying yourselves. They would already cover for most of the guests either way. Money would be a little tight this month, but it was worth it. It was your best friend’s wedding for Christ’s sake.
“Are you sure we’re at the right place?” You asked Dean as you both stood awestruck in front of the resort with your bags in hands.
“Uh-huh,” he swallowed thickly.
“This is so fancy. I don’t think I know how to behave in a place like this.”
“I don’t think I do either,” he chuckled.
You went to the reception and got the keys to your room. A gasp left your lips as you stepped inside. The room seemed to shine before your eyes. It was out of this world. The sprawling leather couch in front of the fifty inches tv had your breath hitching in your throat.
“Oh my God, look at this view,” you let go of the bags and walked to the floor-to-ceiling windows.
The palm trees and the crystal blue water were a sight to behold. Sam and Jess had picked a beautiful place to get married.
“Y/N, come here,” Dean called from where you assumed to be the bathroom.
“Wow,” your eyes widened as they landed on the enormous bathtub. “I could easily drown in there.”
Your fingers roamed over the counter. Everything was in marble and hand-crafted tiles. Everything was magnificent and fancy. As well as the bath, the power shower was huge. Oh, the jacuzzi.
“I’m never leaving this room,” said Dean. “Sam can find another best man.”
“See? That’s one of the reasons why we came earlier.”
The cream Egyptian cotton sheets covering the king-sized bed made it difficult not to jump on and take a nap. You set on the edge, your body almost melting.
“Oh god, it’s memory foam.”
Dean’s lips curled into a smile as he watched you close your eyes. You were enjoying way too much. Your palms were flat on the mattress, taking in all its softness.
“I can sleep on the couch if you want,” he suggested.
“Don’t be silly. This bed is big enough for both of us. Plus, it’s not gonna be the first time we share a bed, fake boyfriend,” you shot him a wink. “Now if you don’t mind, I’m gonna hop in the shower. I’m disgusting.”
“You go,” he nodded. “I’ll text Sam to let them know we arrived safe.”
“You do that,” you smiled, picking your clothes from the suitcase. “Also, can you call the ceremonial? Let her know that we’re here and we’d like to meet her today,” you asked before entering the bathroom.
“Will do.”
Steam filled the room as you cut the shower on. The water poured on your body, massaging your tense muscles. You bathed quickly. You had a lot of things to do before Sam and Jess arrived.
The afternoon flew by you. Barbara, the ceremonial, had everything perfectly mapped out. Her team would arrive on Thursday. That would give them plenty of time to wrap up the last details of the rehearsal dinner and the ceremony.
You and Dean finished your speeches. It would be hard to hold back the tears. You spent the rest of the day mostly in the room. Both of you were still too tired to wander around the resort. The following morning, after having a delicious breakfast, you and Dean explored the resort.
Turned out that Dean isn’t that good at the tennis table. At least now you had something to hold against him. Then he kicked your ass at pool and darts. That wasn’t nice.
You spent most of the afternoon at the pool. Dean was a bit annoyed at first because he didn’t want to apply sunscreen. He said he didn’t need it. Boy, that pissed you off. If he wanted to look like a shrimp at his brother’s wedding, then he didn’t need it after all. Dean could be as stubborn as a mule when he wanted to. But he gave in and applied it. He was even embarrassed to ask you to apply it on his back.
Sam and Jess were on their way. You were excited about their arrival. You couldn’t wait to show her around the resort. Unfortunately, they arrived late at night. You just stopped by their room to check on them before going to bed. They were extremely tired. They had worked all morning and flew by lunchtime.
Dean was in bed, searching through the channels when you stepped into the room. His hair was a little wet, spiking in multiple directions. You plopped yourself down beside him, already in your pajamas.
“My mom and dad are on the plane right now,” he grumbled, his eyes fixated on the screen.
“That’s good.”
“They’re gonna be here tomorrow morning,” Dean added. “And they want to have lunch. You, me, Sam and Jess.”
“Guess it’s happening then, huh?”
“Yeah,” he sighed.
“Do they know that you’re ’with’ me?” you glanced up at him.
“Mmhmm,” he turned his attention to you. “I didn’t say your name ‘cause I knew there was a chance you wouldn’t want to do this.”
“Guess I’m gonna meet your parents, boyfriend,” you grinned.
“You are,” Dean chuckled and you yawned.
“Good night, Dean,” you pressed a light kiss to his cheek.
“Night, sweetheart.”
You turned on your stomach, right leg hiking up as the other stood straight. Your arm was tucked under the pillow. The room went completely quiet as Dean turned off the tv. You found it odd that he remained sat instead of going to sleep.
“Y/N/N?” His voice was unsure and as quiet as a whisper.
“Hmm?”
“You awake?”
“No, I’m dead,” Dean shook his head, a chuckle leaving his lips. “What’s up, Dean?” You turned on your back to face him. He laid on his side and you did the same.
“You sure you wanna do this?”
“I’m sure, Dean,” you reassured him, fingers making their way to play with his hair. “It’s bad that I’m gonna lie to your parents the first time I meet them. But I’m doing this for you. Don't overthink this, Dean.”
“I love you, you know that?”
“Oh, I don’t think I do,” you teased.
“Ah, shut up,” he chuckled.
“I love you too.”
“I know you do,” he smiled, his warm hand came up to your cheek, knuckles caressing your skin. A trail of goosebumps wandering through your body. “Sleep tight, sweetheart,” his lips met your forehead, lingering a little bit longer than usual.
He turned his back to you, shifting in his sleeping position. His hand reached for the bedside lamp and turned it off. You were facing the back of his head, breath still caught in your throat. You shook your head and turned to your side, waiting for the sleepiness that seemed to have faded.
Sunshine invaded the room. The curtains didn’t put any resistance on keeping the room dark. The orange glow made you clamp your eyes, before fluttering it open. You blinked a few times to adjust to the bright daylight. A heavyweight in your middle made you frown. Then you became more aware of your surroundings and realized what it was. Dean’s arm was draped over your waist, his knees tucked into yours. His chest was pressed flush to your back. You took in deep breaths. It was not the first time you’d shared a bed. But he has never been this close.
“Morning,” his voice sounded hoarse from sleep. Dean nuzzled into your neck, a shiver ran down your spine, his arm tightening around you.
“Good morning,” you beamed, voice a little husky.
“Don’t wanna get up,” he whined.
“Me neither,” you mumbled. “But I’ve got so much to do today.”
“No, you don’t. You have lunch with my parents and rehearsal dinner tonight. Other than that you’re free to spend the whole morning asleep.”
“Yeah, but I can’t. I’ve gotta talk to Jess about some things. Especially about our fake dating thing.”
“I’ve told Sam so she probably already knows.”
“You’re right,” you nodded. “Thank god I was able to set up a massage session for us after lunch.”
“We’re getting a massage?” You couldn’t see, but you were sure his eyes had lightened up like a Christmas tree.
“Not us, silly,” you chuckled. “Me and Jess.”
“You’re the worst.”
“If I had set it up for us, you’d hit on the masseuse and turn that into porn.”
“No, I wouldn’t,” his voice raised about an octave. “I would fall asleep the second she touched me.”
“Yeah, yeah, of course, you would,” you scoffed.
“Why can’t we just go back to sleep? I’m tired,” he pleaded, burying his face in the curve of your neck. “You’re so comfy.”
He pulled you closer to him. Your body tensed as you felt a hardness against your ass.
“Dean, you, uh,” he noticed you stiffen in his hold.
“Oh, crap,” he pulled away as if your skin burned him. “Shit. Sorry. I, uh, I didn’t mean to-“
“It’s okay. That’s normal, Dean. I know it wasn’t on purpose or because you were, uh, you know.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I mean it,” you smiled sympathetically. “Now go get changed so we can have breakfast. I promised Jess I’d meet her in an hour.”
Sam decided to have breakfast with you while Jess was at a yoga class. Since they’d decided on a date to get married, Jess started to hit the gym and go to yoga classes. She wanted to be in her best shape on her wedding day. It wound up becoming more of a way to relieve stress than anything else.
“Have you two come up with a story for mom and dad?” Sam asked.
“What do you mean?” Dean frowned at his brother, stuffing the last bite of his croissant in his mouth.
“They’re gonna ask you how you met, how long you met each other, how long you’ve been together, where’d you go on your first date-“
“Nah, they’re not gonna ask,” Dean shook his head. “They’re gonna focus on you and Jess.”
“Dude, you only introduced them to a girl once. And that was a long time ago. Of course, they’re gonna want to know more of you and Y/N. Take it from me. When I brought Jess home, mom wouldn’t stop asking questions. You know how she gets excited.”
“Leave it for me,” you said after taking a sip of your coffee. “I’m good at improv.”
“Your stories need to match.”
“I’m just gonna tell them the truth and change some bits. Add more romance. And voila. Dean and Y/N’s love story.”
“If you blow it, I’m gonna tell them you brainwashed me,” Dean warned you.
“Chill, Dean-o,” you bumped his shoulder. “I got everything under control.”
———
“Mom and dad, this is Y/N,” Dean motioned to you.
“Oh, it’s so nice to finally meet you,” Mary squealed, wrapping her arms around. Your eyes widened at her reaction. She squeezed you and you hugged her back.
“Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Winchester.”
“Oh, please, call me Mary,” she said, pulling away and offering you a smile.
“So we finally meet the great Y/N, huh,” John grinned, a heat crept on your cheeks.
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Winchester,” you smiled.
“Call me John, kid.”
“Right.”
Dean pulled out the chair for you to sit and sat beside you. Mary and John were at each head of the table.
“Oh, Y/N, we heard so much about you,” Mary smiled.
“You did?” Your surprise couldn’t even be hidden. You glanced at Dean and he shrugged with a head tilt.
“Of course we did. This guy wouldn’t stop talking about you so it’s nice to finally put a face to the name.”
“You got him wrapped around your finger, kiddo,” said John.
You smiled sheepishly. The table fell into a comfortable silence as you looked through te menu, deciding to have the same as Dean.
“Sam, are you nervous about tomorrow?” Mary grinned.
“Yeah,” he smiled.
“I can’t wait for tomorrow,” Jess’ eyes shone every time she mentioned her wedding.
“Jess, I can’t wait to see your dress,” Mary grinned.
“Oh, it’s the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen.”
“You’ve seen it?” Mary’s blue eyes widened at you.
“Not only have I seen it, but I was there when she bought it. You’re gonna love it.”
“Y/N is my maid of honor.”
“Really? That’s great!”
“We’ve known each other since kindergarten. She was the one to introduce me to Sam,” she smiled. “She’s my other half.”
Jess extended her hand across the table, linking your fingers.
“Hey!” Sam feigned offense. She chuckled and pecked his lips into a sweet kiss.
“Dean, honey, you’re awfully quiet today,” his mom said softly.
Dean looked up from his dish, his mouth full. Smiling at him, you reached for his hair. His shoulders were tense and he had barely said a word since you sat to eat.
“Oh, he’s just afraid you’re gonna like me better than him.”
Everyone laughed and you heard a small chuckle escape his lips. He was tense and even a little nervous. You could understand that. Dean was afraid his parents wouldn’t buy your story. That would be the worst.
The table was filled with laughter. Mary did most of the talking. She asked Sam and Jess a lot of questions about their wedding. You could hear how happy she was from the way she talked. You were surprised she didn’t question you about your relationship with Dean.
“So, Y/N,” Mary turned to you.
“Oh boy, here we go,” you straighten your posture, taking a deep breath. Everyone laughed at your response.
“Please, Y/N, tell me about you and Dean. I need all the details,” her pleading blue eyes only made a stain of guilt appear on your stomach. “No, not all the details. Those you can keep to yourself.”
“Mom,” Dean nearly whined, a shade of pink coloring his cheeks.
“Ugh, gross,” John chuckled.
“Where can I start…” you needed to articulate your thoughts so the story would be convincing enough for them to believe. “About six years ago, I was driving home from my parents' house and my car broke down. I called… what was the name again?” You asked Dean.
“Jamie’s auto shop.”
“Right. I called James's auto shop and waited for the guy. The guy took way too long. It was dark and there was no one on the road. I thought I was gonna be eaten by wolves-“
“Just to be clear, there are no wolves in Lebanon, Kansas,” he interrupted you.
“You don’t know that,” you spat at him and he shrugged. “As I was saying, the guy took so long I thought he was coming on foot. It turned down he wasn’t. He was just driving like my grandma,” Dean had to bite down a laugh as he shook his head. “Then he climbed out of the car. The moment I saw those piercing green eyes, I knew I was a goner. And all those things you see in movies like the heart beating out of your chest, butterflies in your stomach. I felt all that stuff. And he was a gentleman. He made sure to drive me home. He fixed my car and gave me a really nice discount.”
“Are you telling me that it took him six years to introduce you to us?” Mary’s blue eyes were wide under arched brows.
“If it makes you feel better it took him five years to ask me on a date,” you shrugged.
Mary kept on asking about yours and Dean’s relationship. Some things were easier to answer. Others not much. Your palms started to sweat when questions started to get a little more personal. She wanted to know more about you. She asked about your family and what you did for a living. Your voice started to waver. You didn’t want to tell her that you owned a bar. A part of you feared what she’d think of you once you told her about your job. Hell, not even your parents liked the idea. What would she think of you? And why did you feel like you needed her approval?
“I, uh, I-“ you couldn’t find the words to say, your mind was hazy and your thoughts seemed to have disappeared.
Dean must have noticed because you felt a warm hand reaching for your thigh. His touch was reluctant, but soothing. He squeezed your skin softly, reminding you that he was there.
“C’mon, mom. It’s been years since I presented you to a girl and now you’re trying to scare her off?” His arm sneaked around your back, bringing your body closer to his. “This one was so damn hard to find. And there’s still time for her to get sick of me and dump me. But you’re not gonna do that, right sweetheart?” You shook your head, a smile spreading over your lips. “Good,” Dean pressed a kiss to your temple and you relaxed instantly.
“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Mary apologized.
“It’s okay. You can ask me whatever you want.”
“But not today,” Dean stared at his mother, his voice almost sounded like a warning. “Hell, ask Jess all the questions. She can’t run away from Sam anymore. I mean, technically she still can-“
“Dude, don’t give her any ideas,” Sam played along.
“Anyways, it was lovely to meet you guys, but Y/N and I have a couples massage session in one hour back at the resort. We should get going,” Dean lied, he wanted to get you out of there as soon as possible. He was afraid his parents would make you uncomfortable again.
You hugged them and headed out of the restaurant. John and Mary would head back to their hotel while Sam and Jess were going to meet the ceremonial. They needed to go over a few things for the rehearsal dinner tonight.
“Do you want me to call a cab or do you want to walk back to the resort?” He asked.
“We can walk,” you shrugged.
“Okay,” he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, bringing you closer to him. “I’m sorry about that.”
“Don’t worry, it’s fine. I’ve had it worse,” you brushed it off as if it didn’t matter.
“Of course it’s not fine. She shouldn’t have asked you so many questions. And she shouldn’t have made you feel uncomfortable.”
“It’s okay, Dean. She was just making sure you were with someone decent.”
“Well, she’s anything but decent.”
“Dean,” you scolded. “She’s your mother. Don’t talk about her like that.”
He only shrugged. The rest of the way was quiet. You were in front of the resort in no time. Your phone buzzed in your pocket. Jess. She’d meet you in your room in fifteen minutes then you’d head down to the spa.
You decided to take a shower before meeting her. The water helped ease the tension in your shoulders. You headed out of the bathroom and found Dean laying in bed. His ankles crossed as he flipped through the channels.
“You owe me a couples massage session,” he mumbled.
“You wish, Winchester,” you rolled your eyes. “Alright, I’ll be back in an hour or so, do I meet you here or you have plans with Sam?”
“Sam and I are gonna hit the bar.”
“Okay,” you nodded. “Don’t drink too much and remember, mister, you have a girlfriend. So don’t go around hitting on chicks.”
“I’d never do that,” he winked. “Now go get your massage and see if you learn something from them so you can give me the best back massage ever.”
“Keep on dreaming, Dean.”
You met Jess at the spa. The masseuses handed you your robes and waited for you to get changed. The moment the woman started to pour her scented oils on your skin, you melted.
“So what has gotten into Mary anyway?” Jess asked. “She wasn’t too rude, but there was no reason for her to ask you all that stuff.”
“I don’t know,” you sighed. “I mean, she just wants the best for her son but I felt like I was being interrogated.”
“Yeah, I know,” she smiled sympathetically. “I had to kick Dean under the table so he’d do something,” you chuckled. “Men are so freaking dumb sometimes.”
“Yeah, they are,” you sighed. “Jess? Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course you can.”
“Does Dean seem different to you?”
“I haven’t spent much time with him lately, but he seems the same to me.”
“Are you sure he hasn’t been acting any different?”
“I am, Y/N. Now where is this coming from?”
“He’s just been very affectionate lately.”
“Affectionate?”
“Yeah. He’s just, uh- I mean, he always cared for me. Dean is so caring. But lately I feel like something might have changed.”
“And why is that?”
“We’re sleeping on the same bed. It’s not new. We used to have sleepovers and share a bed all the time, but we’d never cuddle or anything. Today, I woke up and he was spooning me. He was so close. His body was pressed against mine, his head buried in my neck. Then I felt his thing,” you blushed and Jess chuckled. “Not to mention that last night before we went to sleep he was a little weird. His hand was on my cheek and he was staring at me as if he could see my soul. Then he kissed my forehead and it lasted longer than it usually does. Now I don’t know if I’m overthinking this or not. I’m just a little confused.
“You like him, Y/N,” Jess’ smile reached her eyes.
“Of course I do, he’s my best friend.”
“No, Y/N, you really like him.”
“Are you not hearing me? He’s my best friend. Of course I really like him.”
“Are you dumb or what? I mean love, Y/N. And not in a friendly way. I mean passion.”
“Pfft, you’re delusional.”
“You know I’m not.”
Silence fell in the room. You did your best to focus on the pressure of the masseuse's fingers pressing and pulling at your skin. The things Jess just said wouldn’t stop crossing your mind. You knew she was wrong. You and Dean were just friends. But what if she was right?
You walked back to your room and figured Dean was in the shower. You walked to the window and opened. The soothing breeze hitting your skin ever so gently, sending goosebumps throughout your body.
“You’re back,” Dean beamed.
You turned to him. He was in jeans and a fitted grey t-shirt. His wet hair spiked in every possible direction.
“I am,” you smiled. “How was it to hit the bar with Sam?” You asked when you felt his presence beside you. Just like that, it became really hard to have a casual conversation with him.
“It was alright,” he chuckled. “How was the massage?”
“Best thing that ever happened to me,” you groaned in pleasure as you remembered how good it felt.
“Better than meeting me?”
“Almost,” you chuckled.
Dean moved behind you. His arms wrapped around your middle, his chest pressed flush against your back. You stiffened at first, but you couldn’t help but melt into his touch.
“You smell good,” he leaned to your neck. His gravel voice was barely upon a whisper. The feeling of his hot breath against your skin sent shivers down your spine.
You tried to focus on anything but the feeling of having him this close. Your eyes were fixated on the blue sea, on the way the waves crashed onto the shore. But it was impossible.
“Hmmm, really good,” he nearly moaned.
Then you remembered. He had a few drinks with Sam a bit earlier. This was the alcohol talking.
Dean turned you in his arms, his green eyes stared deep into your soul. The air seemed to have become thicker. Or maybe he was just too close. His eyes wandered to your lips. He leaned his head, his breath mingling with yours. You pulled away quickly, clearing your throat. Dean seemed to realize what was happening and turned his head. His eyes falling on the calm, blue waves.
“We should, uh, we should probably get ready,” you suggested.
“Yeah. Yeah, sure,” he nodded. “I’m, uh, I’m gonna get dressed in the bathroom.”
Dean grabbed his clothes and locked himself in the bathroom. You heard the water from the sink running. What was that? Was he out of his mind? He must have been. If you hadn’t pulled away when you did, he would have… no, he wouldn’t. He couldn’t do that. He was your best friend. He just got a little carried away by the alcohol and the scent of the oils that previously bathed your skin.
You put on light makeup. Just a concealer, a thin coat of foundation and mascara. You picked the dress from the hanger and put it on. The navy blue dress fitted perfectly in your body. It hit your midthighs and seemed appropriate for the occasion.
The sound of the door unlocking echoed through the silent room. Dean got out of the bathroom all dressed up. His suit hugged his body just the right way.
“Can you help me?” You asked.
“Sure.”
“I can’t zip it. Can you do it for me?”
Dean nodded, standing beside you. The soft skin of his fingers touched your skin slightly as he zipped the dress. A different kind of electricity ran through your body.
“Thanks,” you smiled as you turned to him. “Do you want me to…” you motioned to the tie in his hand.
“Yeah, sure.”
You tied his silky red tie, smoothing it’s length. His eyes were roaming around the room, looking anywhere but you. Adjusting the collar of his shirt, you felt his gaze on you. You don’t know how much time you spent staring into each other’s eyes, but after a while he cleared his throat, breaking the trance.
“You ready?”
“Mmhmm,” you nodded, grabbing your purse and slipping into your heels. “Shall we?”
You headed out of the room and walked down the street. The restaurant Sam and Jess picked was close to the resort. So you wouldn’t get tired of going on foot.
“Hold my hand, we gotta make this look convincing, remember?” You smiled.
His warm hand took a hold of yours before stepping into the restaurant. Most of the people were already there. Jess’ parents were so happy to see you. It had been a while since you had last seen them. Her sisters cheered when their eyes landed on you. They wouldn’t stop giving you malicious looks and wiggling their eyebrows because you got the other brother.
Mary sat beside Dean. At first you were nervous she’d try to make any questions. You knew Dean wouldn’t let her do it, but you still had that feeling. That dissipated the second they started serving dinner. It was delicious and you were glad they had picked this restaurant. The room was filled with laughter and happy conversations.
After everyone had finished eating, Sam and Jess distributed gifts to their parents. They made their toasts, thanking everyone for supporting them and being there for their special day.
“I’ve been waiting for dessert the whole night,” Dean leaned, whispering to you.
“Me too,” you chuckled.
“Though it would be a whole lot better if it were pie.”
They started serving the cake and you were almost drooling. Just as you took the first bite, Mary called you.
“I need to go to the restroom,” her voice was barely audible. “Y/N, do you mind coming with me?”
You were a little taken aback, but agreed anyway. You knew she wanted to talk to you.
“Don’t let anyone touch my cake,” you asked Dean.
You followed Mary to the restroom. You tried to look for any sign of anger on her face but it didn’t show.
“I’m sorry for what I did earlier,” she smiled weakly. “I should have treated you better. I don’t know what got into me.”
“Mary, it’s okay. Really. You were just looking out for Dean.”
“He loves you, you know?” You smiled. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you as if you were his whole world. John used to look at me that way when we were your age.”
You didn’t know what to say to her. A part of you wanted to tell her it wasn’t real. He was faking it and he needed her to buy it. But another part of you wanted to believe in what she said.
“I’m glad he has someone like you, Y/N.”
“Thanks, Mary,” you smiled.
God, she’s gonna hate you if she ever finds out the truth.
“Now let’s go. I’ve stolen much of your time already.”
You made your way back to the table feeling a lot lighter.
“Everything okay?” Dean asked once you sat beside him.
“Yeah,” you smiled. Finally, you’d be able to eat your cake. Except there was no cake. “Where’s my dessert, Dean?”
“What?”
“Where’s my cake?” You made sure to not speak too loud for others to hear.
“I don’t know,” he sounded nervous.
“I can’t believe you ate my cake.”
“No, I didn’t,” he chuckled.
“Of course you did! You’re laughing,” you argued. “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you with my food.”
“Look, I’m laughing because you’re angry. I swear I didn’t do it,” he held his hands up in surrender.
“If it wasn’t you, then who was it?”
“I don’t know. It probably was that kid,” he pointed to Jess’ nephew.
“Of course, Dean, blame it on the kid,” you hissed with a roll of your eyes.
“Look, I’m gonna get you another piece, alright?”
“You better.”
He did get another piece of dessert. It was delicious and you were as happy as a kid in a candy shop.
The rehearsal dinner came to an end and people started to leave.
“You guys are not heading back with us?” You asked the happy, soon-to-be-married couple.
“No, we still have some things to wrap up here,” Sam smiled.
“Okay,” you nodded. “You were amazing today. Everything was beautiful. I can’t wait for tomorrow,” you smiled, hugging Sam before hugging your best friend. “I love you both.”
You and Dean headed out of the restaurant and started to walk back to the resort.
“Do you wanna go for a walk?”
“I’d love that,” you said.
You walked to the beach. You breathed in the ocean carried air. Dean took off his shoes and you did the same. The soft golden sand seemed to caress your feet with its comforting warmth. The night sky along the calm sea looked like a painting.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Dean said as he noticed your eyes shine just as bright as the stars in the sky.
“It is,” you smiled.
“Let’s go in there.”
“What?” You turned abruptly to him.
“Yeah, why not?” He shrugged. “There’s no here. We can go in fully clothed or not.”
“Okay.”
“We’re doing this fully clothed or not?”
“Fully clothed.”
He nodded, shrugging off his suit, and loosening his tie. Dean took your heels from you and placed it along with his pieces of clothes on the sand. Distant enough so nothing would get wet.
Dean held out his hand for you to take. He grinned before running into the water with you. You squeaked when the cold water hit your legs.
“Shit, it’s cold,” goosebumps crept up on your skin.
“Stop being such a baby,” he teased, splashing water at you.
“Oh, you did not!”
You did the same to him. Dean chuckled, splashing more water at you. You didn’t know how much time you spent acting like kids. The sound of waves of laughter echoed through the quiet beach. You pushed him and he fell, getting completely drenched. His arms reached out for you, bringing you down with him.
“You’re so mean,” you squealed.
“You started it,” he stood to his feet, holding his hands out.
“No, you started it,” he pulled you up, and once again you were too close to his body.
“Admit it, you had fun,” his hand reached to your face, brushing a few damp strands off your face.
“It was too cold,” you shivered.
“But you had fun.”
“I did,” you smiled.
“Let’s head back, shall we?”
You nodded. Dean picked up your stuff and put his jacket around your shoulders.
“Thanks,” you smiled.
“Just making sure you won’t freeze to death, sweetheart,” he sneaked his arm around your waist.
You walked in silence. You quietly thanked once you saw the resort get closer and closer. Your sore feet were more than glad to be back in your room.
“We should try that jacuzzi, huh?” He suggested.
“Yeah, we should,” you sighed, heading to the bathroom.
“I meant together, like-“
“I know what you meant, Dean,” you said, turning on the jacuzzi. “Now grab that champagne in the mini-fridge.”
He nodded and did as told. You could see there was something off about him.
“You sure you’re okay with the naked thing?” He asked.
“Yeah, of course,” you checked on the temperature and turned on the jets. “Are you?”
“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” He was nervous. You chuckled. “What?”
“Nothing, it’s just that you seem a little nervous.”
“I’m not nervous.”
“Okay, good,” you shrugged. “Can you, uh…” you turned to him.
“Yeah, sure,” he slowly unzipped your dress.
The dress pooled around your feet. Dean swallowed thickly at the sight of you in your underwear. His breath was caught in his throat. You slipped off your panties and he instinctively licked his lips. He was glad you had your back to him.
“Alright, I’m not gonna be the only one naked here, right?” You turned to him.
“Wanna see what I’m wearing underneath all this?”
You frowned. He unbuttoned his white shirt and tugged down his pants. You blurt out laughing.
“I can’t believe you have a Scooby-Doo underwear!”
“Cool right?” He grinned, pulling off his boxers.
“It’s awesome, you beamed.
You hopped on the jacuzzi, the warm water making you relax instantly. Dean poured champagne for the both of you.
“So I was thinking,” you said before taking a sip at your drink. “Can I grab your butt in front of your parents?”
“No, Y/N, you can’t grab my butt in front of my parents.”
“But it’s so perky,” you pleaded.
“Y/N,” he gave a warning look.
“Okay, okay. I won’t grab your butt in front of your parents.”
“Great,” he smiled. “Can I kiss you in front of my parents?”
“Sure,” you shrugged. “It doesn’t have to be right in front of your parents, you know?”
“Yeah?”
“Sure. I mean, friends kiss sometimes.”
“Really?”
“I’m actually surprised you’re asking me this, but yeah, Dean, they do,” you said. “How do you think Jess and I learned how to kiss?”
“Oh, I never thought about that part.”
You chuckled. Both of you fell into silly conversations. It made you forget you were actually naked in front of him.
“We should get out,” he said. “It’s getting late.”
“Yeah, we should.”
Dean stood up, picking your glass from your hand.
“See, it’s perky,” you said.
He chuckled.
“Here you go,” he took your hand in his, helping you out of the tub. Dean wrapped a towel around your shoulders before wrapping one around his waist.
“Dean?”
“What?”
“I dare you to kiss me,”
His green eyes widened, but also looked for any sign that indicated you were kidding. His hand came up to cup your cheek. His plump lips captured yours in a sweet kiss. They glided over each other as if you had done this before. You wrapped your arms around his neck, your towel falling in the process. He deepened the kiss as you parted your lips, allowing his tongue to delve into your mouth. His hand on your hip, squeezed your skin, drawing you closer to him. His tongue traced yours in a sensual dance. You tasted the champagne in his warm muscle. A moan was muffled by his lips.
The need for air came sooner than you hoped for. You parted. Neither of you dared to open your eyes. Dean pecked your lips softly before resting his forehead against yours. His thumb caressed your flushed cheek.
“I should, uh, I should go get changed,” he cleared his throat.
You nodded, watching him exit the room. Your fingers traced up to your kiss swollen lips. God, you were screwed.
———
“You look so beautiful. I think I’m gonna cry,” you said to Jess.
She looked perfect. Her gown looked even more beautiful than you remembered.
“Sam won’t know what hit him,” you smiled.
“I’m so glad I chose you as my maid of honor,” she grinned, hugging you. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” you kissed her cheek. “I need to get going. It’s almost time.”
You headed to the lounge to meet Dean. He was standing there in his tuxedo. You could swear you had never seen him this handsome.
His eyes widened once he saw you. Dean nearly gasped. The rose gold gown fitted your body perfectly, hugging every curve.
“You look, wow,” he smiled. “You look beautiful.”
“You don’t look bad yourself,” you smiled, pecking his lips. “Shall we?”
He linked his arm with yours, guiding you towards the beach. Everything looked so beautiful. It looked as if it had come out of a movie.
You waited for your queue and walked down the aisle to the altar. You and Dean stood on opposite sides.
A trail of goosebumps ran through your body once you spotted Jess. She grinned wide as her eyes found Sam’s. It was happening. Their dream was coming true.
“Family and friends, we’re gathered here today to celebrate the love of Samuel and Jessica.”
You forced your eyes away from the couple only to meet Dean’s green orbs staring at you. His lips curled into a smile. You held each other’s gaze. Your cheeks started to heat up at the intensity of his look.
Sam and Jess read their vows. You cursed at yourself for not focusing on them. Dean’s eyes were drawing you to him. Silly smiles spread wide on your lips.
The ceremony was beautiful. It was better than you and Jess expected. They were pronounced husband and wife and everyone headed to the wedding reception. They danced to the sound of their favorite song. Everyone could see how much they loved each other and how happy they were.
You and Dean made your toasts separately. Both Jess and Sam teared up a little. After the toasts, most people headed to the dance floor.
“Would you like to dance?” Dean held his hand for you as a slow song echoed through the room.
“With you? Always.”
He guided you to where couples were dancing. His hands were placed on your hips as you wrapped your arms around his neck, both of you swaying to the rhythm of the song.
“So where does this leave us huh?” He asked.
“What do you mean?”
“You know what happened last night. That wasn’t just two friends kissing. I know it and you know it too.”
“I know, you’re right,” you looked up at him.
“Good,” he smiled. “So no more fake dating?”
“No more fake dating.”
He pecked your lips into a passionate kiss and the whole world fell away.
“Call me selfish, but I don’t ever want anyone else to touch you,” he said as you parted. “Not even your friends kissing you.”
“Same goes for you, Winchester.”
———
“You’re not gonna join them?” Dean asked behind you, wrapping his arms around your middle.
“Nah, let them have their fun,” you said, watching the group of women gather not so far as they waited for Jess to throw the bouquet.
They all cheered and screamed when she tossed it. You jumped when the flowers fell on your feet.
“Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me,” you rolled your eyes.
“It’s way too soon, sweetheart,” Dean chuckled.
“Alright, ladies,” you announced, holding up the flowers. “$20 and the bouquet is yours,” they all laughed. “No? Ten bucks maybe?”
Dean chuckled, pressing his lips to your cheek.
“You’re one of a kind, sweetheart.”
Please, consider sharing your thoughts with me via reply reblog or ask!
Dean Sweethearts:
@maya-craziness @akshi8278 @spookytaylors @witch-of-letters
#spn bi-weekly writing challenge#dean winchester#dean winchester fanfiction#supernatural#dean x reader#dean winchester x reader#spn#supernatural fanfiction
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Bisexual
Quick kinda really bad pride oneshot! this probably takes place around season 12? 13?
Self destruction. It’s how he copes and Dean’s more than aware of that than he’d ever admit. He knows that’s why he spends night drinking himself asleep, having sex with whoever would give him a second glance, or go on hunts without fear for his own safety. He knows it, and he knows that this is just another way to cause himself that pain. To drown himself rather than let the guilt do it for him, yet he goes anyway.
The sun's low in the sky when Dean parks the impala on a quiet street. His hands still gripping the steering wheel as he watches the house he’d parked across from.
He- Ben, steps out of the front door first, a dark gown hanging from his shoulders and a matching cap in hand. He’s tall, much taller than Dean remembers, and grown up, with a shaggy mess of dark brown hair and broad shoulders that fill out his gown. Lisa steps out afterwards and whatever breath Dean has is torn from his lungs. A suffocating pain crashing upon his shoulder as Lisa turns towards Ben, her lips spread out in a wide smile that makes her whole face light up.
He isn’t sure what he’d expected. A quick glimpse of Ben from the safety of the impala, a reassurance that they were okay, a moment to pretend that he was still part of the family, not pain.
Hot.
Alive.
And without mercy.
As if he was being torn apart cell by cell, left to do nothing but choke down the agony and pray he died soon.
“Dean?” He looks to his right where Cas was sitting in the passenger seat, a concerned expression across his face. “Are you okay?”
“Yah, it’s just- shit,” Dean takes a deep breath looking back to Lisa and Ben. He doesn’t know what it is, why it hurts so much, all he knows is that the uncertainty only makes it worse. “He’s graduating. And I- and,” Dean hesitates, the words stuck in his throat, held down by the pain.
“I wasn’t there for any of it,” Dean finally says. “I wasn’t there for his eighteenth birthday, or to look at university, or do any of that crap, and she’s-”
“You still want to be with her?” Cas asks when Dean doesn’t continue speaking
“No.”
“But you still love her?”
“No.”
“But it hurts?’
“Like a son of a bitch.”
The words hang, Cas for once seeming to understand that Dean didn’t want to keep talking and instead lets the car fall in silence. They watch Lisa lean in giving Ben a hug before they both get into Lisa’s car and pull out of the driveway. It’s barely a second but Dean gets a glimpse of her as the car passes them, a smile still across her face as she sings along to whatever songs playing in her car, something that Dean would probably roll his eyes to but still sing along anyways.
It’s only a second and soon enough the car has disappeared behind them turning off the block and into a different road. Despite that Dean doesn’t make any attempt to start the impala, his hands still gripping the steering wheel as his gaze stays on the house.
He knows the layout, even now, years later. The colour of each room, the shelves he’d added to the office, and the creaky step he’d been meaning to fix. The garden he’d tried to grow and the broken slab in the fence from when he and Ben had been playing baseball. Every addition he’d made and every addition he’d wanted to make. He remembers it as if he’d been there that morning, and yet they didn’t even know his name.
“I’m not lying,” Dean finally whispers, the silence no longer bearable. “I don’t want to be with her.”
And he meant it.
But the same way his dad's death still weighed on him, or his mother’s death, or Bobby’s, or Jo’s or anyone else in the long list of people they’d lost. This loss weighed on him.
“I don't think I ever should’ve been with her.” He doesn’t look towards Cas as he speaks, keeping his gaze forward. If he did look, Dean wasn’t sure he could keep speaking.
He takes a breath, letting his hands fall from the steering wheel and instead to his side. “When you’re a teengager- that’s supposed to be when you figure things out, who you are, what you want to do, all that crap.” Dean says, his voice seeming to echo through the small space, louder than he ever wanted to be, more open than he wanted to ever be. “But for me it was already figured out, dad had decided what he needed and there wasn’t much room for argument.”
Much.
That was a nicer word than any.
Much gave him at least some kind of choice. Even if he knew the truth, it was nice to pretend he’d been given some say in giving up his childhood.
“When Sam got locked in the cage and with dad already gone, I had nothing, I could do whatever I wanted, no one holding me back, no expectations, and that scared the shit outta me.” Dean looks down, using his thumb to pick at a hangnail. “I was almost thirty, so I did what I was supposed to- I got a girlfriend and a kid, I found a job, lived in a house, had the apple pie life, I finally had the chance to figure myself out and was still too scared to even try.”
“I cared about Lisa, and I still do, I always will, but I never should’ve been with her,” Dean says, his chest tight, Cas’s eyes burning against his side, yet he keeps speaking, no matter how much his heart begged him not to. “She was me trying to hide, I didn’t want to figure myself out, I felt like it was too late you know? And I guess I was still scared about disappointing my dad, and I- I don’t know what I’m talkin’ about.”
He could almost taste the words on the tip of his tongue as he looks up, meeting Cas’s intense gaze
Blue, vibrant, holding Dean’s attention. He could look forever, memorise every shade that danced through them, study the way the light reflected against them, he could look forever if the words would just leave his lips.
“Cas,” Dean finally says. “I’ve been doing that now, trying to figure things out, and I think I like girls and-” he forces himself to exhale, “I think I’m bi.”
And in love with you
Cas stares, blinking, then tilts his head, Dean’s racing in his chest the whole time. “Dean,” He can feel his throat tighten though he forces himself to breathe through his nose, holding eye contact with the other. “You should be incredibly proud of yourself,” Cas offers a small smile, “I’m incredibly proud of you.”
Dean forces another breath barely able to breath through the lump in his throat never mind talk. “Thanks for coming,” He manages, “really Cas it means alot.”
They don’t speak again, and instead Dean pulls back onto the road, the quiet sound of Led Zeppelin filling the car as for the first time that day Dean takes a steady breath, feeling a little lighter.
He’d confess his feelings some other day, for now, this was enough.
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💕 get to know your mutuals!! when you get this, it means someone wants to know more about you, so list 5 things about yourself you want your followers to know. they can be as simple as your age or as complex as your deepest fear, as long as it’s something you’re comfortable with sharing. when you’re done, send this to 10 people you want to get to know better!! 🥺🌼💕
i was also tagged by @hazel-eyed-bi (thank youuuu gen <3)
my birthday is december 24th which used to suck because i never had school on that day but now it's great because i never have school on that day
i have a cat that my sister and i named sammy (after sam supernatural) in 2013 and in hindsight that is the best decision we made that year. unfortunately, we should've named him crowley because he is NOTHING like sam and all too much like crowley.
i'm a senior in college and i've been on this cursed website since i was in 8th grade
every few months i'll bust out the sims and play nonstop (as you do) and i try to make an evil family or treat my characters bad but i always end up taking care of them and making sure they're happy and i sometimes worry that says a lot about me kfdjfndhj
i get scared way too easily. like even if i know something is going to happen i still jump when it does. i just made a waffle and knew the toaster would eject it and i still jumped and yelped. this happens every time. ridiculous.
#i could've gone deeper on these but these were the first things to come to mind so!!!#thank you emmy for tagging me!!#ask game#asks
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