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manggaetteokkie · 4 years

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Why 2HA adaptation might not be as bad as we think...

Okay so BL novel “The Husky and His White Cat Shizun” (chinese title: “二哈和他的白猫师尊”) aka 2HA is getting a live adaption which will be called “Immortality” (“皓衣行”). I know that usually, fans of original works are less than excited about this kinds of news and with good reasons. The issue is that those who buy the IP rights to a novel simply see its popularity and think that they can profit off of it without actually trying to understand the reason behind its popularity. Too often, BL fans see themselves forced to endure any of the following: 1) sex change of one of the male leads, 2) creation of a random female love interest, 3) turning a happy end into a bad end, 4) adding a bunch of scenes unrelated to our main pair that ends up dragging the series, 5) turning romance into brotherly affection... the list goes on and on. Sometimes, companies think that as long as they film any two guys together and sell a bit of physical touching here and there, fans will jump on it like rabid dogs which... is kinda stupid because, y’know, we have eyes (and standards) too.

So obviously, with the unprecedented popularity that came with the release of The Untamed, even more producers are starting to see the potential of danmei (BL) novels and with it came an onslaught of IP rights being bought and adapted. The list is pretty extensive, with some big names that I’m sure anyone who’s even slightly in the Chinese BL novel community has heard of before. Of course, included in that list, with the casting for the leads done and filming underway, is 2HA.

Quick overview of the story for those of you that don’t know: the story is set in the POV of the “gong” (top), a character named Mo Ran (also known as Mo Weiyu) who is the disciple of Chu Wanning, the “shou” (bottom) of our story. In his original life, Mo Ran had become the Emperor of the cultivation world through slaughter and tyranny, with the only one ever coming close to stopping him being his shizun, Chu Wanning, who eventually lost his life trying to stop him. After achieving the top by committing pretty much all crimes and sins known to men, weary and tired, Mo Ran decides to take his own life and ends it all. Unexpectedly, instead of dying and going to Hell, he transmigrated to the first year he became a disciple. As a thirty-something man in the body of a teen, he decides to do things right this time around and save the one he couldn’t save the first time around. As he goes through life a second time, truth after truths reveal themselves, with the biggest surprise being that the Shizun he hated so much in his previous life, and who Mo Ran thought hated/scorned him, actually turned out to be protecting him the entire time.

Mo Ran, in his past life, was powerful, cruel, merciless and arrogant. There was nothing he could not obtain and he knew it. He was cynical, had a very jaded view of the world and was kind of unstable (lots of mood swings and temper tantrums). After his rebirth, he still maintained some of the arrogance and cynicism, but is more mischievous, confident and cheeky. He is very much like a husky, looks kind of scary and big, but can be extremely loyal to the ones he recognizes and can be a bit dumb sometimes. Chu Wanning on the other hand, is an unflappable person with a frost-like exterior, but a heart of gold. Basically, he cares a lot but it’s easier for him to look like he doesn’t than to voice his feelings. He gets embarrassed easily and covers his embarrassment using anger. He is extremely strong, likes peace and quiet, and always abides by the rules.

Their relationship is kind of complicated. Initially, Mo Ran was in love with a fellow disciple called Shi Mei (despite the word meaning junior female disciple in Chinese, it’s actually the name of a male character). In the original timeline, Shi Mei died and that was the start of Mo Ran’s decline. After his rebirth, Mo Ran decides that he will do everything in his power to prevent Shi Mei from dying again. Don’t be mistaken though, Shi Mei is NOT the male lead. You’ll see as you read more that despite being in love with Shi Mei, Mo Ran is pretty obsessed with Chu Wanning because their relationship was kind of... complicated in the original timeline.

This is pretty much the premise for the story, but do be warned that it goes much deeper and darker than what you might expect (it’s rated R-18 for a reason). So why exactly am I writing all of this? To put it simply, I just kind of want to hype up the series and its adaptation a little, or at least, pique enough interest to give the live action adaptation a chance. Not gonna lie, when I heard 2HA was getting adapted, I was pretty skeptical because how. Mo Ran and Chu Wanning had a pretty physical relationship in the pre-rebirth timeline and that’s partially where the obsession that Mo Ran feels towards Chu Wanning stems from. There’s just basically a lot of unresolved sexual tension between them throughout the novel that I simply couldn’t see getting adapted. However, after thinking about it and reevaluating things from a low-expectations-standpoint, I think it might actually be possible to film something close enough to the original work. Here are some of the factors that influenced my opinion:

First, the series is set to air for 50 episodes (just like The Untamed). Why is the number of episodes important? Because it will determine how closely the adaptation will follow the original story and how much random stuff they can fit into it. Let’s take a step back and evaluate: 2HA’s novel has 311 chapters + extras while MDZS has 113 + extras. Obviously, people might have an issue with the number of episodes (”How are you going to air the same amount of episodes for a series that’s thrice as long??”) but I think it’s a good amount. Why? Because it pretty much guarantees a solid pacing that’ll keep the story moving forward without stagnating. I don’t think there is too much to worry in terms of too much source material being cut because quite a few chapters are R-18/romantic lining scenes that would not have gotten adapted anyways. Once those get deleted, I think 50 episodes is an acceptable amount.

Second, the entire production seems to be solid. The rights were actually bought by Tencent who, if you forgot, was also responsible for The Untamed. With prior success, I believe that they now have a pretty solid idea of how things should be run. Also, the CGI and world-design team is the same one as for Ashes of Love, which has me pretty stoked because while CG in chinese dramas has always been a hit or miss, Ashes of Love is definitely amongst some of the best I’ve seen (see below for examples). (P.S. there are also rumours that Lin Hai, the one responsible for The Untamed’s OST, might be working on 2HA but this is mere speculation at this point.) Overall, 2HA is looking to be like the most high-profile and expensive BL adaption yet.

Third and finally, the casting.

Holy.

Okay.

This is what has me the most hyped.

Let’s start with Shi Mei, who will be portrayed by actress Chen Yao (or Sebrina Chen).

I know I’ve said that despite the name, Shi Mei is a male. As it turns out, likely for censorship reasons, “Immortality” could not escape from the clutches of the dreaded sex change so they went ahead and turned him into a girl. While not ideal, in my opinion, it actually works out pretty nicely here. In this case, it means that Mo Ran is in love with a female character which would further draw censorship’s attention away from the fact that Mo Ran really has a thing for his beautiful shizun. While it would have been perfect if everything could go according to source material, the fact that it’s Shi Mei that went through a sex change actually works pretty favourably in the grand scheme of things. Not to mention the actress set to play Shi Mei has some good experience acting similar roles so overall, I say that I trust her.

Next, we have Chu Wanning who will be played by Luo Yunxi (or Leo Luo).

For this character, I have no worries whatsoever. If you’re unfamiliar with this actor, I highly recommend you give Ashes of Love a try. He played the 2nd lead and ugh. He’s so good at playing beautiful and elegant characters that are forced to undergo a ton of suffering and pain. Luo Yunxi used to be a professional ballet dancer so he moves with grace and his fight scenes are amazing to watch. Also, he has great control over his facial expressions. He’s able to act out characters that suffer a lot without making them seem weak or powerless. Even the way he cries can be considered both beautiful and heartbreaking.

Finally, we have Mo Ran who will be portrayed by Chen Feiyu (or Arthur Chen).

Mo Ran is an extremely complex character. From pre-rebirth’s insanity and arrogance, to post-rebirth’s hope and reservation, to post-revelation’s love and devotion, the actor’s going to have a lot on his plate. Originally, when I first googled him, I thought that while he’d manage to pull off post-rebirth teen!Mo Ran fairly well given how clean and refreshing his face looks, he’d have a harder time pulling off pre-rebirth’s arrogance, craziness and general “hardness”. However, after seeing some costume designs and makeup edits, I think that the boy might just pull it off. Also, while the actor is nowhere near as solid as Luo Yunxi is, it seems that he’s willing to put in extra time and effort (as seen by his Weibo post about how he’d been studying the source material) to make up for it. I think that with enough dedication, he might just be able to pull it off.

(Psssst! By the way, keeping this strictly between you and me, another reason why I’m such a fan of this pair is because of the height difference. I mean just look at this?? Their height difference is pretty much bang on with the novel height difference after Mo Ran grew past Chu Wanning’s height. Not to mention, don’t tell me you see this and don’t automatically picture a the big dorky puppy following his reserved and cool master around?)

So yeah, all of this just to say that it might be okay to kind of have some expectations for 2HA. I really want to keep my own expectations down as low as possible given the amount of times we’ve been burned but I want to remain hopeful that, with the success of The Untamed, it can pave the way for better and more faithful danmei adaptations, with 2HA being one of them.

#the husky and his white cat shizun #二哈和他的白猫师尊 #2ha #immortality #皓衣行 #haoyixing #luo yunxi #chen feiyu #chen yao #leo luo #arthur chen #sebrina chen #chu wanning #mo ran #mo weiyu #long post #talking with zb

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angelofthequeers · 5 years

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Ladybug and Reine Nuit: Chapter 1

Origins I

Disclaimer: I don’t own ML.

Okay. Yes. I caved. But I have 53 chapters so far (including the final battle so I know where I’m going) and a plan to upload every Sunday AEST, so I figure I’m not going to crash and burn.

If you want a full list of tags that’ll be updated as they go, you can click on the AO3 link and take a peek at the tags there.

Part 2 | AO3 link

First days at a new school are never particularly noteworthy. Even the horror of having to stand up and introduce yourself while the teacher smiles like they’re some messiah – a common trope in American teenage movies – is nothing more than a mild anxiety. And for someone like Alya Césaire, who can make herself at home in an unfamiliar environment in just seconds, this anxiety is pretty much non-existent.

As for making friends? She’ll find someone who can balance out her loud proudness. She did in Martinique, so why should France be any different?

“Stay out of trouble,” Marlena Césaire had said. “Behave yourself. Make some good friends. And do well at school!”

Okay, so Alya loves her mum and all, but if Marlena could have predicted the future then she would have totally understood why Alya had managed to disobey her first instruction before even reaching the school.

“Go away!” cries a voice from across the road. Alya whips around and catches sight of a small boy shoved up against the wall by a larger one, who’s shaking a fist in his face. An old man in a bright red Hawaiian shirt shuffles past with his walking stick, in the same direction that Alya is going. Or at least, the same direction she was going.

“Hey!” Alya storms across the road and over to the boys. When it comes down to obeying her mother or standing up for someone, well, sorry Marlena but the latter wins out. “Leave him alone!”

“Back off,” the larger boy sneers at Alya. She just rolls her eyes and yanks the smaller boy away from the wall.

“If you have to pick on people smaller than you than you’re clearly compensating for something,” Alya says. “Come on, kid.” She grabs the smaller boy’s hand and takes off running down the street past the old man before the larger boy can get over himself and start chasing them to flatten them.

If Alya had been paying more attention to her surroundings, she might have noticed the old man stop and frown after her. She might have also noticed him glance down at a hexagonal box in his hand, then stroke his grey beard. But saving kids from bullies isn’t very conducive to paying close attention to surrounding details, so the old man is the furthest thing from her mind by the time she rounds the corner.

When Marinette Dupain-Cheng barrels into class to find one Chloé Bourgeois claiming her seat, she’s about ready to walk straight back out. Of course she’d end up in Chloé’s class for the fourth time in a row. The universe clearly hates her at this point.

“So, why don’t you just go and sit beside that new girl over there?” Chloé sneers, pointing at an unfamiliar girl at the front desk on the right side of the room. “Listen, Adrien’s arriving today, and since that’s going to be his seat, this is going to be my seat. Get it?”

Clearly, Marinette’s missed the memo. “Who’s Adrien?”

Chloé and her best friend Sabrina burst into loud laughter. “Can you believe she doesn’t know who Adrien is?” Chloé says. “What rock have you been living under?”

“He’s only a famous model,” Sabrina chimes in.

“And I am his best friend! He adores me!” Chloé says. Marinette immediately hates this Adrien person. Great. A male Chloé. “Go on, move!”

“Hey!” The new girl stands next to Chloé, crossing her arms. “Who elected you queen of seats?”

But even the new girl can’t withstand the might of Chloé’s Royal Entitlement. Honestly, if Chloé would channel that determination and stubbornness into something good and productive, she might actually be a prodigy at something other than being a brat. Rolling her eyes, the new girl grabs Marinette by the arm and leads her down to Chloé and Sabrina’s old desk, and although this is probably the smartest move to avoid detention before the school year has even officially begun, Marinette can’t help but feel like she’s letting Chloé win.

“I so wish I could handle Chloé the way you do,” Marinette says glumly.

“You mean the way Majestia does it!” The new girl shows Marinette a picture of a blonde superhero with a red and blue suit that’s saved on her phone. “She says, “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good people do nothing”.” The girl points at Chloé. “Well, that girl over there is evil, and we are the good people. We can’t let her get away with it.”

Marinette attempts a weak smile. “Well, that’s easier said than done. She likes to make my life miserable.”

“That’s ‘cause you let her, girl!” the new girl says. “You just need more confidence!”

Marinette hums, although being more confident is way easier said than done. Making a snap decision, she grabs the last macaron from her box and splits it in half, offering one piece to the new girl. “Marinette,” she says.

The new girl smiles and takes the piece, unknowingly cementing what would soon be not only a close friendship but also a legendary partnership. “Alya,” she replies.

Before Ms Bustier can start class, the classroom door slams open and a cute boy with messy blond hair comes skidding inside, panting with his hands on his knees. Marinette’s about two seconds from introducing herself to the second new student, who looks oddly familiar, when Chloé squeals, “Adrikins!” and darts from her seat to latch on to his arm.

Ah. That must be the Adrien that Chloé had mentioned. Marinette’s interest immediately shrivels and dies.

“Come on, Adrikins!” Chloé tugs Adrien over to the seat next to Nino, who resolutely ignores the blond. “This is your seat! Aren’t I just the best friend ever?”

“Um…thanks, Chloé,” Adrien says. Despite herself, Marinette peeks over her shoulder, but when Adrien meets her gaze and smiles, she just rolls her eyes and turns back to face the front.

“Great,” Alix says loud enough for everyone to hear. “Now there’s two of them.”

“Huh?” Adrien says. “I don’t understand –”

“Sure you don’t,” Marinette mutters. Although she doesn’t look around again, she can feel Adrien’s eyes scorching the back of her neck, but she refuses to believe that he’s genuinely confused about what’s going on. No one who’s friends with Chloé is clueless about what a rotten person she is.

“Um, could I have a word?”

Marinette stiffens when Adrien pauses next to her table in the library, where she and Alya are studying while the other half of their class is at P.E.

“Why?” she snaps. “You’re Chloé’s friend. I think that says it all. Any friend of Chloé’s isn’t a friend of mine.”

“Wait, what? Chloé’s –”

“Oh, don’t play dumb!” Marinette winces when the librarian shushes her, so she lowers her voice to a hiss. “How stupid do you think I am?”

Adrien’s green eyes crinkle. His confusion looks genuine…but it could just be a ploy to gain Marinette’s trust before he screws her over. “Just one minute,” he pleads. “Give me one minute of your time. Then I’ll leave you alone.”

Marinette’s knee-jerk reaction is to tell him to clear off. But she pauses. He seems to be genuinely puzzled…and he is new…and it’s not like Marinette can’t tell when someone’s lying…

“Fine.” She stands up, leaving her open book and smiling reassuringly at Alya, who’s utterly failing at looking like she’s not listening in. “One minute. No more, no less.” She follows Adrien out into the corridor, where he laughs nervously and scratches the back of his head.

“So, uh…I think we got off on the total wrong foot,” he says. “I’m…well, I’m home-schooled, you see. My father didn’t even want me to come to school today, so he’ll be furious tonight. And I was so excited to meet other kids my age and make friends, but now everyone hates me, and I don’t know why!”

“Hmm.” Marinette rests her hands on her hips. Adrien seems genuine…but he could also just be a good actor.

“Why exactly does everyone hate Chloé?” Adrien says. “All she’s told me is that everyone’s super jealous of her and gangs up on her.”

Marinette snorts loudly. “Uh, no. She’s an awful bully and she’s made my life hell for years. That’s why everyone hates you – they think you’re just like her, and we don’t have time for another Chloé.”

“Wait, what?” Adrien’s eyes widen. “But she’s – she’s really cool – she’s never been mean to me –”

“You’re a famous model, right?” Marinette says. “That’s what Chloé said.”

“Um…yeah. My father’s Gabriel Agreste. I model his clothes for him.”

It’s Marinette’s turn for her eyes to widen. Agreste! Now she knows why this boy looks so familiar! His pictures are in her magazines! “Ah,” she says. “That would explain it. No way is she gonna be mean to someone who’s rich and famous and “worthy” of her attention like you.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m really sorry about her,” Adrien says with a grimace. “I never knew she was mean to you…and I know you’re not lying because the whole class backed you up.”

“The seat she’s in used to be mine,” Marinette says. “She forced me out of it to sit near you. And that’s, like, not even close to the worst thing she’s done. That’s tame for her.”

Adrien just looks even gloomier at that. “Well, I get why everyone would hate me. I just wish I could prove to the class that I’m not mean.”

“Hmm.” Marinette deliberates for a moment, then holds out her hand before she can change her mind. “Hi, I’m Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Welcome to Ms Bustier’s class! Maybe we can be friends.”

The way Adrien’s face lights up as he grabs her hand could rival the sun. “Hi, Marinette! I’m Adrien Agreste and I’d love to be friends with you!”

Before Marinette can say anything, there’s a loud crash and a shockwave that sends them both tumbling to the floor.

“What the –?” Marinette cries, clambering to her feet with Adrien. They rush back into the library to investigate on the security cameras, and Marinette’s heart leaps into her throat when she sees that the source of the disturbance is a gigantic stone creature outside the school gates!

Is this all just a nervous-for-the-new-school-year fever dream?

“Hey!” Marinette says when Alya sprints past her for the library doors. “Where are you going?”

“Where there’s a supervillain, there’s always a superhero close behind!” Alya’s eyes gleam with feverish glee. “No way am I missing this!”

She vanishes before Marinette can protest. Marinette looks back at the camera screen, only to be met with a Rainbow Screen of Death when the giant throws a car at the camera.

What the heck is going on?

“What? No fair!” Alya exclaims. She tries to duck under the police officer’s arms, but to no avail.

“Go home, little lady,” the officer orders. “No way are civilians getting anywhere near this thing!”

“But –!”

“That’s an order!”

Scowling, Alya turns and storms off back in the direction of her apartment. This is an outrage! Censorship! What happened to freedom and liberty? She fumes all the way into her apartment and up to her room, her muttering only cut short when she catches sight of a strange little hexagonal box on her grey desk.

“Huh? What’s this doing here?” Torn between wanting to touch it and wondering if it’s dangerous, Alya’s curiosity wins out and she slowly approaches her desk. Now that she’s closer, she can see that the dark brown box has strange red carvings on the top; Chinese carvings, possibly? What even is it? Is Nora playing a prank on her? Nah, Nora’s much more of the brute force type than the sneaky, tricky type.

If Alya could have predicted how opening the box would have changed her life, she would have gleefully snatched it up immediately. But since she’s not blessed with precognitive powers, she’s much more cautious as she picks it up and looks it all over. Shrugging, she opens the box, and she gets just enough of a glimpse inside to make out a silver ring before there’s a bright green flash of light and a tiny black cat materialises in thin air in front of her.

What. The. Hell.

#miraculous ladybug #aotq fic #aotq: reine nuit au #chat!alya #marinette dupain-cheng #alya cesaire #adrien agreste #chloe bourgeois #disaster marinette #origins part 1 #alya you badass #stay in school kids #rip adrien

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golgoterror · 4 years

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Alright, this is ungodly long, but I just wanted to talk about something regarding Jake.

A lot of this fandom -- at least, from what I’ve seen -- label Jake as stupid. Some may even say Jake and smart are antonyms. This could not be further from the truth. It almost irritates me how much the fandom places this mischaracterization on him. Also, I get to talk about The Lad™ for about ten pages worth of words on Google docs, which is always very, very fun for me.

Well, first things first, let’s talk about the child genius and multi-billionaire polymath that is Jake English.

Puzzle Modus.

Let’s begin with something small. Jake’s modus is of puzzlekind! This is described as:

It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris. You like it because it keeps you sharp for solving any puzzles you might find when you go out raiding hallowed tombs, which is never. (x)

He likes puzzles! This is a huge headcanon I absolutely adore that has a basis in the comic: He’s a puzzles guy! This is just sort of a neat little fact about him that I adore to the moon and back. Just the idea of Jake fiddling about with a Rubik’s Cube is kind of adorable.

This is how he goes about doing everything every day of his life. I think that’s just amazing! And incredibly smart of him, I might add.

Skaianet.

Jake is shown in the credits to take over Skaianet after the game ended. For those unfamiliar, Skaianet made many things for the game, including but not limited to: the interstellar travel we see, transportalizers, the lab by Rose’s house, all Jake’s fancy-schmancy computers, and Sburb itself. In the beta timeline, Grandpa Harley founded Skaianet. In the alpha timeline, Grandma English did. I know Jake didn’t start it up and trying to pass off his alt-timeline self as him is a bit far-fetched at best, but he had the spoons to take it over. I think that speaks volumes for Jake’s intelligence -- this implies, at the very least, he can understand mathematics and physics at a high level. Remind you of someone we already know?

It is also important to note that Jake does, in fact, build the company back from the ground up, because it went to shit before his grandmother died:

GT: Pretty sure her company made a tidy fortune til it went belly up. At least i still have a few of her knickknacks for keepsakes. (x)

So he built an interstellar company back up -- using what his intelligent grandmother had once used -- to being very useful and practical once again.

As someone with a degree in mathematics and about to finish a degree in physics, I can say this sort of work would for sure require at the very least a decent understanding of quantum mechanics, statistical mechanics, electrodynamics, calculus (vector and differential forms), ordinary and partial differential equations, and perhaps other things like topology. I don’t know about you -- and I’m probably tooting my own horn a bit by saying this -- but I think that’s pretty nifty, if I do say so myself.

Actor.

Once again, I’m reaching into the credits to show that Jake has become a movie star after the game ends. Memorizing all those lines, slipping into characters... Being an actor is no easy feat.

( Side note: This leads into my headcanon that Jake can imitate accents and voices on a whim. No more arguing about whether he has a British, American, or Australian accent -- you’re all right! )

And I would like to add he has two jobs! Skaianet and being a movie star! This guy’s a fucking polymath for Christ’s sake.

Reading People.

Let’s start of simple: Brain Ghost Dirk. I can hear the outcries now of Dirk’s powers being the cause for this. And, yes, I can’t ignore Dirk’s influence in this, but Jake’s hope powers were also needed for the projection to come alive. And the fact he was able to make such a startlingly accurate projecting of Dirk in his own mind is astounding -- even BGD himself thinks so!

TT: You could view me as a projection of the real Dirk within your mind, as expressed through all of your thought patterns about him. TT: So I'm kind of a splinter of his corporeal self who happens to live in your awareness. TT: I'm a startlingly close approximation to the real thing, for all intents and purposes. GT: Just how startlingly close are we talking? TT: I'm not going to give you a bogus percentage like the glasses cause that's not my shtick. TT: But pretty damn close. (x)

A very deep understanding of the other is needed for Jake to do this. That is pretty fucking incredible. He can clearly read people really well -- he had a few times where he was cluing in on Jane and Dirk have feelings for him:

TG: its one of those things jane likes about u so much GT: It is? TG: which TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not supposed to talk about 2 u evr so nm GT: Talk about what? TG: nope GT: You mean how um... GT: Well a way in which i suppose... TG: no nope GT: Jane is prone to looking upon me with what i fathom to be more than just friendly affection? (x)

TT: I guess call it an extra birthday present. But instead of a present that's awesome, consider it more like a weird confession that may change the way you feel about me. GT: Whoa uh... GT: Dirk are you... uh... GT: Saying what i think? (x)

He’s not completely clueless on people! In fact, he seems to have a really good understanding of his friends. That’s something a lot of people seem to forget because of the incident that I will be getting to later on.

Fending For Himself.

I’ve already written quite a bit on this, but I’ll sum it up here: Jake is exceptionally good at living in the wild and taking care of himself. Sort of like a wild garden; he doesn’t need to be taken care of. Survival skills, especially around fighting and fending off things, aren’t something everyone has. This, once again, counts in his favour, even if it doesn’t line-up with “book smarts”.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

That’s five things! It’s clear Jake is, in fact, a polymath and incredibly intelligent. So, what’s with the fandom painting him as being dumb? What’s with people actually thinking he’s stupid? I think we can all take several wild guesses as to why that’s the case.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Takes things literally.

This is something that plagues Jake quite a lot. Case in point:

GT: Wow like the epic kevin costner film? TT: Almost exactly. Especially by the same degree of shittiness. GT: Oh man does that mean you have to drink your own pee?????? TT: You get used to the taste. Welcome it, even. TT: That takes about 15 days in a row of hard piss drinking though. GT: Ewwwwwwwwwwww no dude. No ew. :( TT: Relax, I don't drink any goddamn piss, ok? GT: Oh ok. Whew. (x)

But, well, let’s address the elephant in the room. The chat I laughed so hard at when I read it the first time due to pure, unadulterated second-hand embarrassment: Jake asking Jane if she had feelings for him.

Let’s analyze this, shall we? Jake starts off by being vague as all Hell, and I’ll spare those details, until finally...

GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me? GG: No! GT: I see. GT: Very well then. GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now. (x / x)

Okay, she says no, and he backs off. That’s fine and dand--

GG: No!!!!!! GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here? GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way! GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here. GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that. GT: But now that i think about it you know what? GG: ... GG: No? :( GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief! (x)

... Oh, right. Yeah. It keeps going. It just keeps--

GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier! GG: Haha, yes! GG: Friends!!!! GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately? GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!! (x)

Sweet Jesus, Jake.

GG: Me? GG: HOO HOO HOO! GG: I'm just GG: Terrific! GG: I'm feeling so... GG: Friendly!!! GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems. GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah? GG: Shit I mean GG: Ahahahah! GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart. (x)

Alright, alright, enough! You all remember the fucking chat.

Regardless, it’s very apparent Jake takes things at face value. I also will cite him talking to Jane before her birthday, but not list examples, because what happened above will just happen once again.

Okay, so he takes things at face value. What’s wrong with that? He trusts people to not lie to his face -- to not sugarcoat things or beat around any bushes. Perhaps I’m projecting a bit, but I do the same damn thing. I think a lot of people do! I don’t think reading things as fact over text is a good measure of someone’s intellect. All it does is show he has issues with communication. Okay, so he struggles with one thing. Sue me.

Doesn’t catch things right away.

Yeah okay I’m just gonna dump a few examples of this.

GT: Haha wow. Must have been a hell of a guy. TT: So... TT: You're not making any connections there? GT: Where? Huh? TT: Famous comedian, about the age of your grandma, inheriting the family name of the Baroness... TT: Not ringing a bell? GT: What are you talking about! Dirk stop speaking in riddles and keep telling the story i am on tenterhooks here! TT: Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot. GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro! TT: Nah, it'll be funnier this way. GT: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!! TT: Moving on. (x)

GT: Whats going on? TT: Took you long enough to figure it out. TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn. GT: Figure what out! TT: You're asleep. (x)

This leads into the point above. His mind doesn’t work that way -- but that doesn’t mean he’s not intelligent. He needs everything laid out in front of him so he can make the connections and understand what’s happening, but there’s no real harm in this, and it certainly doesn’t dictate whether the guy is “intelligent” or not.

There are many, many more examples in canon depicting Jake as having difficulties with communication and you all can open most of his pesterlogs and probably find one. I’m not going to list anymore. But, hold your horses, I swear I’m getting to a point!

Difficulty reading.

A lot of the media Jake consumes is picture-based. Movies, comics, even the puzzles are most likely spacial and probably not riddles. It’s not far to imagine Jake might not be a terribly good reader, considering nobody was really around to make him read. Of course, his grandmother was around when he was little, so he can read -- and he can read just fine. But he probably isn’t very good at it simply from lack of practice. He also has terrible grammar, something Jane picks on him for, so it’s entirely possible that’s a contributing factor. He may just have trouble reading and writing.

Speaking from experience, I have dyslexia. As such, reading and writing are incredibly hard for me. I never read the books in my literature classes -- both in English and French -- but I did get the gist of the books (enough to get a decent mark in the class at least) by watching a movie adaptation of the novel. I don’t think it’s that far-off to think Jake may, indeed, do the same thing.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

NOTE: This next part is a bit hard for me to write, because I don’t want to vilify any of you. It might not have clued in on anyone or maybe you just saw Jake as a sort of comic relief and meant no harm by it. And I hope shining a light on this will make you all think twice about the guy. However, I can’t really avoid this next part, and I may get a bit emotional in it. Just a bit of a warning.

All of the above points are just me trying to say Jake probably has undiagnosed learning disabilities and perhaps autism. I don’t think I need to go into detail about how those don’t make someone “stupid”. If you think that’s the case, fuck you. I can’t argue with ableists, much less do I actually want to.

NOTE: I wrote a thing on his speech impediments. That may be of interest too. I don’t really know, but here it is nonetheless.

My take-away message here is: just because someone struggles with socialization or other things doesn’t mean fucking anything in terms of their intelligence. Jake is very clearly smart and has the ability to read people incredibly well -- to the point of making copies of them! Perhaps it’s just a bit easy to underestimate the guy compared to other characters, though.

There are other things that muddy this up a bit, unfortunately.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Trolling.

Jake is such a fucking troll. Jesus shitting Christ, does he get a kick out of acting stupid just to make the other person look silly. Or perhaps even to make himself laugh in the process. Case in point:

uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE. uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO. GT: Sounds pretty gay. uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? GT: Whats what? uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK. GT: Oh right. GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo. GT: Its like... GT: How do i explain. GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together. GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay." uu: I SEE. uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT. uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL. (x)

Look at his goddamn face during this exchange:

That little bastard knows exactly what he’s doing.

And these aren’t stand-alone events! Jake is very, very silly and will use the fact others see him as stupid to have a little fun. May as well, right? And, in the process, he makes others look pretty damn stupid.

But sometimes it’s a bit hard to tell when he’s acting stupid against when he’s genuinely not getting something. I think he even fools himself sometimes! So you have to be a bit careful about fake-outs. I’m sure even the other alphas have trouble deducing when he’s doing this -- which only adds to the myth of him actually being “stupid” when viewed on first-glace.

He probably also does this with crushes, purposefully ignoring the signs because he doesn’t want to deal with it or may not believe anyone could like him that way. After all, if he’s wrong, he may think himself to be conceded and having a big head. So, he ignores the signs, thus convincing himself the feelings aren’t there. Then he gets absolutely fucking bamboozled beyond belief to find out they actually do like him. But that’s just a little side-note.

Thinks he’s stupid.

This one is just a bit... Sad. Very sad. Jake genuinely does think he’s stupid. Quite a lot, really.

GT: I shoulda asked where he fit into the picture if you were raised alone. I can be dumb as a bag of penny candy sometimes. (x)

Just... Man, he’s been called and treated as stupid so many times, he’s at the point where he believes it. If you asked him, he’d say Dirk is a genius, Roxy is always smart and sassy, and Jane is brilliant. (I don’t have a source for that last one but... Come on. She lectures him about grammar. Don’t fuck with me.) But when it comes to himself? He can’t say the same. Of course he then acts that way. He sees himself as a burly adventurer who is also a gentleman and tries to live up to that. No where along those lines does he think he’s intelligent. And that’s just... a little heartbreaking, really, all things considered.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Can’t believe this blog is just me going, “Wanna see how fast I can talk about Jake?”, and a shit-ton of people all nodding before I talk for six hours straight. Anyway, take-home message is: Jake’s smart. Jake’s very, very smart. He’s also a himbo, but he’s incredibly smart. Just because he has learning disabilities doesn’t mean fuck-all.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. There are drinks and refreshments in the back. Have a safe trip home. Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses. Jesus fuck can I run this gag any harder into the ground? Giving me language was a mistake. No but, really, if you read this whole damn thing, thank you! I hope this was as fun to read as it was to write.

#ooc.#headcanons.#about.#ableism tw #and i hate to do this but after the speech impediment post i must:#dont steal these headcanons.#(unless youre a jake rper then by all means thats fine!)#yes these arent exclusive to jake but this took a lot of time and effort #id appreciate it if youd all respect that #tia! <3

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bakudekuficlibrary · 5 years

Note

(Answer this ask whenever you can.) Are there any good ongoing BkDk fics out there? So far I have been binging on completed ones. Because of the fic "Beyond Sea and Storm" by Celestialgunfireopera, I want to binge read on the ongoing ones. Thank you! 💕💕💕

Heyyy~ I have some good ongoing fics I’d be glad to suggest to you! Yes, most of them are explicit what did you expect. I hope you enjoy these as much as I do!

~Eve ❣

I added some recommendations at the bottom! And for those who are interested in reading the fic mentioned in the ask, click here!

-Ellie

15 Works.

Eve:

The Devil Ships ZeKu by xairylle( E | 174,694+ | 29/? )

Midoriya Izuku knew what fanfiction was. He just didn’t think there was something like THIS out there. About him and Kacchan no less.

Hummingbird Heartbeat by Tokiji( E | 91,620+ | 19/? )

“The knife went through his fucking chest, Kirishima.” Katsuki spat his name into his face, mouth twisting into a vicious snarl, teeth and all. “You know that’s where his heart is, right? And his fucking lungs? All the vital shit?”

Kirishima blanched. “I-I know, I just meant—”

“What, you mean to tell me that your stupid fuckin’ ass is so ignorant to forget that he lost a shit ton of blood, hah?! Yeah, it was a flippin’ knife wound, oh hoo-ray, but look at the nerd now! He’s fucking dying because of it!”

Some Read It For The Articles by low_commotion( T | 61,151+ | 11/? )

It all starts because Kirishima lets slip to Kaminari, who whispers it loudly to Sero and is overheard by Ashido, who tells Jirou, who announces it the rest of the girls in the class, that Bakugou has some secret beefy dude mags hidden deep under his bed.

OR Bakugou and Midoriya rebuild their relationship on the backs of shared nerdship and a frankly alarming amount of misintentioned homoerotica.

Bleeding Emerald by AlchemyandHeroAnalysis ( E | 25,188+ | 5/10 )

Katsuki isn’t an idiot. He knows that Izuku and him aren’t exclusive. He’s the one who had made that perfectly fucking clear when Izuku had dropped down to his knees and blew him for the first time all those months ago.

Summary: Katsuki struggles with his growing attachment towards Izuku and his jealousy towards others who get to spend the same sort of “time” with him.

Room 1217 by ImpossibilityGirl( T | 56,533+ | 9/? )

When Izuku found his room again, he could hear music behind the door- loud, with lots of screaming and guitars. His heart sunk a little, but he tried not to pass judgement too quickly. The guy inside was alone right now, after all. He’d probably use headphones once he met his new roommate, right? Izuku took a deep breath and twisted the doorknob, pushing it open as casually as he could to hide his nerves. He thought about the greeting he’d rehearsed in the mirror earlier today.

“Hey! I didn’t see you here earlier! It’s nice to meet you, I’m–” Izuku froze in the doorway, the other man in the room mirroring him. He was holding up a sweater, clearly in the middle of putting it on a hanger when Izuku had barged in. Izuku had been preparing for a lot of possibilities behind the door, but this was not on his list.

Blond, spiky hair, and eyes like fire with a temperament to match. Katsuki Bakugou, undoubtedly.

Hunting The Past by Justaperson1718( M | 141,394+ | 22/? )

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary. I’ve only ever heard good things about Katsuki’s work and I’m willing to trust him completely for this job,” Izuku explained. Katsuki glared at his appraising gaze. It was one thing to be sized up by an enemy or potential ally, but something else entirely to be sized up by some scrawny kid who could barely hold onto his own gun. “Besides, he looks wholly confident and capable to me.”

Katsuki placed his hands on his knees and bent forward, narrowing his eyes at the other man. Izuku kept on staring at him without a care in the world and if Katsuki’s mother wasn’t in the room staring him down and mentally daring him to say something rude to his new client he’d probably have already yelled at the other by now.

Izuku took the chance to walk over to Katsuki, stopping just in front of him and holding his hand out. He grinned from ear to ear and held his other hand behind his back, waiting for Katsuki to grab his hand in a more peaceful manner this time.

“I think I’m really going to enjoy working with you, Katsuki. I hope we can get along really well.”

To Stand by your Side by aeronines( E | 87,867+ | 14/? )

One student, one hero, and a whole lotta pining

Or, the High School Bakugou/Pro Hero Deku slow burn I need in my life

[Age Gap]

Off Limits by BecauseIAmMildlyAshamed( E | 12,033+ | 4/8 )

When his second rut hit, Katsuki was tempted to start reconsidering Izuku being off limits. It wouldn’t be too weird, right? It’s not like they were hanging out together on their off days. While screaming into a pillow in a fit of frustration instead of rubbing himself raw, it seemed like a great idea.

Once his rut started tapering off, he threw away the idea again.

Then the third rut hit, and Katsuki was officially over this bullshit.

Lights. Camera. Hero! by brichibi( E | 23,248+ | 6/? )

If there’s one thing Izuku Midoriya’s good at, it’s dreaming big, and dreaming hard. That’s why he’s in Hollywood, of all places, his hometown an entire ocean away along with his graduating high school class and single mother. But he’s gonna be an actor, an international sensation, a superstar like no other.

He just.

Has to convince the rest of the world.

Which is, admittedly, a difficult task.

[AU where “My Hero Academia” is an upcoming television series, everyone’s an actor/actress, and romance happens behind the scenes]

Izuku’s Home for Wayward Pets by glamour_weeb( E | 44,400+ | 10/? )

Izuku works at the Bureau of Companion Protection as a rehabilitator for abused and abandoned Companions, animal-human hybrids. He’s seen his fair share of cruelty cases and even fostered a few Companions, but he’s never had a Companion of his own, until now. After rescuing Katsuki from a life in an illegal, underground Companion fighting ring, Izuku must take in the wolfdog that no one else can handle.

Eventually, Katsuki comes to love his new home, as well as his new Master.

[Graphic Depictions of Violence | PTSD | Past Abuse]

{ Curator Ellie’s Note: Y’all might recognize this one as the winner of October’s Fic of the month! I highly recommend it as well c: }

Horny, Stupid, and In Love by kacchansass( E | 23,032+ | 5/6 )

Kacchan wants to prove that he’s better than Deku at everything—including sex. Deku, like the fool he is, agrees to create a competition that involves performing certain sex acts on their classmates who then tells them who did better. What seems like a quick fix for his Kacchan addiction quickly becomes a one-way ticket to sexual frustration hell.

Friction by warschach( M | 20,057+ | 3/5 )

Izuku’s getting married today.

To an alpha he hasn’t met and doesn’t know beyond his name and the kind of strain he was born with; lion if anyone was curious. And it wouldn’t be that bad of a situation but Izuku’s an alpha too with a tiger strain, and you know the spiel about alpha-alpha unions more fighting than loving in those bedsheets.

So there’s a high probability this whole sham marriage might go up in flames if they’re not careful; and when was the last you heard about alphas being careful, huh?

(or Izuku makes the right dumb decision to marry the right alpha under the wrong conditions)

Ellie:

Chalk and Stale Coffee by Synnie ( M | 45573 | 15/15 )

Raising a little girl wasn’t easy, but pro hero Katsuki Bakugo felt he owed it to her after an accident in the field left her parents dead and him shouldering the blame.

But now she was starting school and her teacher was a lot cuter than Katsuki had been expecting.

{ Curator Ellie’s Note: There’s a lot of pining, Katsuki’s a good dad to Eri, and Izuku would be a great dad to Eri, too. }

my ex-man brought his new boyfriend by setitoff ( M | 39,717+ | 7/? )

izuku’s desperate to get a date after being persuaded (forced, more like) to go for a family reunion back in his hometown, in which he will most definitely see his ex, todoroki shouto, with a date of his own.

in a last attempt to find someone, izuku asks for help and ends up getting bakugou katsuki.

{ Curator Ellie’s Note: I love the fake dating trope! And what makes this fic really interesting is how Katsuki’s still at a stage where he’s not as temperamental as he was in the beginning of the series, but he still is temperamental. They fight and then they have to work through things like they should. }

Rehabilitation by InkspillsNotebook ( E | 46,807+ | 9/? )

It had only been one day off, not even the entire day if he was being honest, so how had things gone so wrong? This wasn’t supposed to happen. They would get through this, he had to get better. It would take time, but Izuku wouldn’t fail him, not again.

A near death encounter changes the every day life of Izuku and Katsuki as injuries need to be mended and time may not be on their side.

[Graphic Depictions of Violence | Suicidal Thoughts]

{ Curator Ellie’s Note: This fic hasn’t been updated in a couple months, but I think it’s still ongoing. I high recommend it for anyone who loves angst with hope. }

#BakuDeku #KatsuDeku #BNHA #bkdkfl ask #bkdkfl rec #w:violence #t:s #t:ptsd #t:pa #ws:wip #w:underage #t:agegap #rec:ellie #rec:eve #curator ellie #curator eve #fic rec

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trans-shuichisaihara · 6 years

Text

fake it till (we) make it - Scene 2

have i mentioned that i love kokichi? he’s such a little shit and i love that

(read on ao3)

Once his scattered mind begins to calm down, his first response is to shout, “What the hell’re you talking about?!”

Kokichi blinks at him, light fluttering of his eyelashes. “I meannnn, let’s fuck around with the tabloids and stuff. I’m bored and they all annoy me to no end, so I wanna pull a prank on them.”

Okay, he gets that, but- “Why with me?!”

“Becaaause,” he sighs out, “Everyone except Shuichi sucks and he’s going on tour next week. Plus he’s just a terrible actor. You at least have that going for you.” He then grins. “Plus, people eat shit like this up - you know, where the hero and the villain get together? That’s a really popular trope.”

“Dude, that was one time! And what happens when we have to film the sequel?!”

“You act as if this’ll last that long; it’s only gonna be like, maybe a month or two at max.”

A bead of sweat rolls down his face. “If it’s gonna be that short, then why can’t you find someone else?!”

Kokichi raises a brow at him. “Like who? No one would be thrilled to and you know it.”

“Well, uh-” He sputters. C’mon, there has to be someone- “What, what about that one guy, uh, Rantaro Amami?” There’d been some sort of rumor about them once, right?

“Taken. He’s a model anyway, always busy running around in a different circle. Only met him because his girlfriend was working on one of my sets designing outfits.” He sighs loudly, propping his chin on his hand. “He is really cute though...”

“Okay, uh, well...” He trails off awkwardly, trying to think of some other answer to give him. “What the hell do I get out of this? I’m not gonna ruin my reputation or anything just ‘cause you wanna screw around.”

“We’re not gonna fuck, so don’t worry about that.” Kaito has to bite back a reaction to the likely purposefully wrong interpretation of his words. “And I know people think I suck, but pretending to date me isn't going to ruin your rep, so...” He pauses for a long moment, before grinning as wide as he can. “You should just man up and help me prove the media is stupid as hell. I mean, I’m sure you hate them too, and you’re not scared of them, riiiight?”

Fuck. “Like hell I am,” he growls, massaging his temples, “I’ll do it, alright? You happy?”

He nods, grin still plastered across his face. “Yep! See you after your beauty rest, babe!” He winks and blows him a kiss.

An uncomfortable feeling immediately fills him. “Never call me that ever again and maybe I’ll sleep nightmare-free.”

“No promises!” He sings and turns away from Kaito before an argument can start, flopping back down on the couch and pulling out his phone to end all further conversation. He shakes his head and leaves Kokichi be; he has shit to do this evening, he needs at least some rest before his manager starts blowing up his phone asking where he is.

Stardom sucks when no one trusts your ability to get yourself dressed and show up with enough time for the makeup crew to do their thing.

He locks his bedroom door - just in case Kokichi decides he’s bored enough that he’s going to come and pester him more - before closing his curtains tightly to block out the morning sun that’ll soon rise. He then lies in bed for at least half an hour, despite his desire to just pass out into the realm of sleep.

Unfortunately, the tension building in his mind from his sudden deal with Kokichi makes it hard to do such a thing.

He can’t stop thinking about how the world will react to them dating. He’s not scared, it’s just- Even if it’s fake, no one would know that until it’s over, and even then it’s doubtful anyone would believe it. That’s just how fans were. He runs his hands down his face, exasperated with Kokichi, but also with himself; why the hell’d he just let himself get dragged into this?

His sleep ends up being restless, broken apart by frequent reawakening and his phone buzzing insistently. He isn’t in the mood to deal with whatever they need, so he throws his pillow over his head and ignores it.

After an unsatisfying 6 hours of sleep, he wakes up for real a bit before noon, body sluggish as he showers and throws on some shorts and a tee. He idly checks his texts as he’s making his way downstairs, astounded at the mess that was created while he slept.

Kokichi Owoma @real_ouma tweeted:

hanging out with the bae @kaitomomota #firstdate

Along with the heart emojis following the message, attached is that dumb selfie he wanted to take, which makes Kaito wonder if that was his goal all along. He pinches the bridge of his nose; the tweet already has well over 10 thousand likes and nearly half as many retweets, along with a fair number of replies. Most of them calling B.S. on it, which is a bit relieving.

He’s about to check the rest of his texts when he notices that Kokichi didn’t leave after he went to bed. Instead, he passed out on the couch, one of Kaito’s space-patterned comforters that he’s almost positive was in his bedroom closet pulled around him tightly. He’s tempted to wake him up and scold him for informing the world without permission, but he can’t be bothered. A sleeping Kokichi is a quiet Kokichi, after all.

He turns his attention back to his phone. Most of his texts are from his friends that have seen the tweet and are informing him of its existence. He doesn’t really post on his twitter, so it’s understandable that they would feel the need to let him know.

His manager is trying to give him advice for dealing with dealing with false rumors and offering to help make a public statement to shut it down, which causes him to sigh. If he has to guess, this looks like Kokichi attempting to stop him from backing out, and it works; it’d be more of a hassle to deny the rumors than to play along, after all.

He honestly doesn’t want to deal with any of this celebrity shit. He just wants to star in cool sci-fi films and be able to afford living in L.A. where all his friends are.

So, instead of answering any of the texts, he takes a picture of Kokichi sleeping for blackmail or something, then grabs his leftovers out of the fridge and tosses it in the microwave. He then sits down, pulling up the tweet again before making the decision to retweet it without any comments. Before he can regret it, he turns the notifications on his phone off and sets it aside, instead starting to make a grocery list for his upcoming trip to the store.

He’s contemplating getting them delivered instead when his lunch finishes with a loud beep, followed by a thud from the other room. He holds back a sigh; the silence he desired didn’t last nearly long enough.

“Huh?” In the living room, Kokichi hauls himself up, hair sticking up all over the place as he blinks sleep out of his eyes. In the time it takes him to grab a plate and dump his heated meal onto it, he reaches fully awake status and hurries into the kitchen to bother him. “Oh, you’re finally up!” His own phone is in his hands as he sits down in the chair next to his. “Did you see the-” For a moment, his face goes flat, before bouncing back to excited. “Oh, you retweeted it! Did you like it too?”

“Nah,” he answers, shoveling a bite of food into his mouth. After swallowing, he continues with, “By the way, thanks for that; had everyone and their mother blowing up my phone while I was sleeping.”

“You’re welcome!” He doesn’t miss a beat as he scrolls through the comments. “Hmm, it’s gonna take a lot of work to convince everyone. Care if I post about you getting ready for your day?”

“I do, actually; that’s really fuckin’ weird and won’t convince anyone of anything except that you’re a creep.”

He pouts. “Fine. But we really should talk about how we’re gonna do this.”

He scratches at the stubble along his jaw. “I guess. I’m not gonna make any gushy tweets or anything like that, before you ask.”

He hums. “Wasn’t gonna suggest anything like that. Let’s say... We’ve been officially dating for two weeks, keeping things on the down low, before we decided to come out about it last night.”

He coughs as an epiphany hits him. Fuck, he has to deal with that aspect of the media on him. “Dammit, I didn’t even think about that part. The media’s gonna be all over me for being, for being gay! Which, well, you know, isn’t a bad thing to be, but-” He can’t exactly say he isn’t when he went through that whole shebang in college, but he wasn’t wanting the world to know that.

Kokichi shrugs. “It was going to happen eventually. I mean, people have been suspecting you are since at least last winter due to the vague gay subplot going on in your latest film.”

Kaito’s forehead falls into his hand, covering his eyes. “God, can’t people tell the difference between fiction and reality anymore? That’s a fucking character-”

Kokichi’s phone rings, cutting him off. The two of them look towards it, Kokichi quirking a brow. “Oh, it’s Toujou, one sec.” He turns away from Kaito and answers the call with an obnoxiously fake shout of, “Good morning, Mom!”

Kaito rolls his eyes; he doesn’t know how Kokichi can address Director Kirumi Toujou like that. She’s scary intense when on set. He’s worked with her for two movies - both of them great, but both of them grueling to film due to her perfectionism and no-nonsense aura. He can hardly believe she’s only two years older than them with how huge the difference in maturity is.

To avoid eavesdropping on his conversation, Kaito gets up and begins to clean up his lunch and what remains of what was technically their breakfast, seeing as Kokichi didn’t bother to. He doesn’t mind doing household chores like this, honestly; he had to do them regularly while living with his grandparents. He’s faintly aware of eyes in his back as he tears up the pizza box to fit into his trash can and moves to begin washing the handful of dishes in the sink.

Finally, a loud sigh sounds from the other side of the kitchen, and he pauses to give him a glance. His phone is facedown, so the conversation is likely over. “What happened?”

“She wants me to come in today. Apparently, one of the cameramen screwed up on the shot we did a few days ago and she just noticed it and it’s bugging her. Important scene and all that.” He waves his hand. Kaito feels sorta bad for him; all scenes were important scenes to her, so this was likely not an actual emergency.

“Just one scene, right? Hopefully you won’t be there too long, then.” One scene could still take hours, but it’s still likely to be shorter than a full session.

“Dunno. You know how it is.” He stands, stretching. “Welp, good luck with your day. Interview tonight, right?”

“Damn, yeah.” He shuts the water off, drying his hands as Kokichi looks around for his car keys. “You know they’re gonna be all over me because of your tweet.”

“Good. Play along. If they ask you who made the first move, I asked you out, and you accepted because I’m ‘kinda cute’ - those exact words. If they ask, ‘only kinda?’, you respond by seeming embarrassed.” He finally locates and plucks up his keys from the ground in front of the sofa, almost hidden by the blanket draped along the side of the couch and onto the floor. “Honestly, it should be too easy to fool them.”

He has a whole script ready, huh. “Man, who died and made you director?”

“Unfortunately, no one; the universe isn't that kind as to rid the world of any of them,” he dramatically says, before he shakes his head and returns to a more neutral tone, “Anyway, I'll be back tonight; we can discuss the schematics of our act then. Don't say anything unnecessary, be vague, they can fill in any gaps themselves. Got it?”

He responds by shooing Kokichi out of his house. “Yeah yeah, don't worry. It'll be fine; I'm not stupid.”

#oumota #kokichi ouma #kaito momota #drv3 #ndrv3 #my post #fanfic #au #celebrity au

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bloody-hellsing · 7 years

Text

So I watched the 1998 version of The Phantom of the Opera

and I decided to write down my thoughts as I did so. God, it was such a horrible movie, and if you read through this you can tell how much I really think so. I progressively got more angry and done with it as I watched, hahaha. This is really long, very grammatically incorrect, unorganized and unedited, but venting to Notepad like this really helped me to get through that damn movie. So, if you’d like, you can check under the cut to read what I thought throughout the movie.

what the fuck

what is this rat doing

how the fuck did this rat have enough strength to pull the baby out of the water

why do the rats care

how do they care

WHAT THE FUCK

THAT CHILD GRABBED THE RAT

stop

Why did this child bond with the rats. How. How did this happen. Can rats bond with people like that? I didn't think they could actually think that way

why is the wall leaking and why would he keep hitting it

same

oooo he just got fucked lol

HOW DID HIS WHOLE UPPER HALF GET FUCKED UP LIKE THAT WHAT THE HELL

WHAT THE HELLIS THAT THE PHANTOM WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

OH MY GOD WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA WHY

is she gonna start singing just because she's alone

I was right

called it

ooo there he is is he gonna fall in love with her

he's weird

the face she made was funny

what is she doing

wait are those her nipples

I think I can see her nipples through her dress

what the fuck

ugh the movie's only nine minutes in

who the fuck is that

I'd turn right around like fuck that

what the hell

ok no he didn't say anything

he's creepy

is that Erik.

is his name even Erik in this or just the phantom? eehh I'm just gonna call him Erik it's easier

shouldn't he be... deformed? a bit??

no go away

this is very weird

why?

oooo because he isn't supposed to be there

how the fuck is she gonna "hear your thoughts" wtf

ok bitch is she talking to herself

is she crazy

oh my god

this person is gonna die becuase that rat got killed huh

this man is very unsanitary wtf

lol me

what is he doing

why did he just grab the mouse trap dumbass

eewwww why are the rats biting him and why is he just screaming like fucking do something about it

that was random

he's gonna become ratman now

eheh

lol I'm the girl hanging out with Christine

is she Meg?

Are they talking about Raoul? Did he send her those roses?

I'M CARLOTTA

it sounds like Carlotta is singing "Raoul" it's funny like same

what the fuck is Christine "hearing" Erik? The fuck

Is she talking to him thourgh her mind? The hell? She seems fucking crazy omg

Ok Christine is fucking crazy I think that the phantom is just a figment of her imagination and she's just psycho

that man is dirty

why is he specifically the rat exterminatior why cant he be a regular janitor

eww why are there so many rats and why the fuck does he keep the tails? nasty ass

these two men must think he's insane

EW HIS HAND IS FUCKED AAHHH GROSS IM TRYING TO EAT SNACKS FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT

lol "shit" me hahaha

"strange things have been happening" naw everone is just fucking nuts

I don't wanna watch this movie anymore but I guess I gotta finish now

ugh Erik is so fucking creepy

did he just sniff her

HER FEMALE SMELL?? WHAT THE FUCK

he's sniffing her scarf and I'm fucking uncomfortable

his nose is big. and pointed.

I want him to leave

oh thank god he did

I'm the dude thats just swinging down from random ropes

was he watching them

they werent quite that subtle anyways

ooo he found a secret passage he gonna die

WHAT THE FUCK HE JUST GRABBED A LADY BY HER BOTTOM STOP IT

why is she ok with this how well do they know each other

ooo are they in box five

who is this guy who is just interviewing people and taking notes I wasnt paying attention when he came in

"shhh let's go now" lol me @ this movie

Alfred seems very annoying

his voice isn't fitting with his lips and face and look it's really weird

the lady's talking is weird in that same way too

hmmm they think there's treasure and they want it they're probably gonna die

TITS AH TITS JUST HAPPENED

that was... interesting

what the hell is going on now where are we what is this place why is there a party

umm that guy talking in the background to the little girls is super creepy

there's a lot of creepy people here

AH THAT GUYS FACE WHAT THE HELL HE'S SO CREEPY

WAIT FUCK IS HE RAOUL OH FUCK NO NO PLEASE

he seems awkward it's weird

lol she doesn't like roses rekt @ him

did that lady just storm out why is she so randomly butthurt

be the brother she never had? he just got friendzoned lol

uh oh they gon die

I really don't think there's any treasure guys

uh oh the rats heard them are they going to somehow tell Erik

ewww so many rats

wait are they telling him that they're there

how the fuck

how many rats do you think were used in this movie

HE JUST GOT SNATCHED UP WHAT THE FUCK

wait there really is a treasure

WHAATTT he just outted his girlfriend that asshole

HE JUST FUCKING CALLED HIMSELF A RAT WHAT THE FUCK

I'm calling him Ratman now

Alfred just died haaaaaa get rekt

I'm her scream oMG

she's just making a whole bunch of bad decisions rn

what's dripping

if there's a jumpscare I swear to god

I admire her trying to cover her tracks but she about to die

how the fuck did she even get stuck and how does he not hear her she's being loud

she's stupid

he's stupid

this movie is stupid

I'm angry lol

what the fuck is that face on the wall

I ACTUALLY HAD TO PAUSE THE FUCKING MOVIE WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS HE BITING HER TOUNGE IS HE TRYING TO RIP IT OUT OF HER MOUTH WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID THE ACTORS AGREE TO DO THIS AAAAHHHH NOOOOO WHAT THE FUUUUCCCCKKK AAAHHHH THAT'S SO GROOOSSS IM SHAKING FUUUCCKKKK

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD NO HER TOUNGE NO FUCK

you know that noise Tina Belcher makes that uncomfortable "uuhhhhh" noise welL YOU SHOULD FUCKING HERE MY RIGHT NOW MY LORD

FUCK THIS MOVIE

lol she just hit this dude with a chair, like, if only I could do that to this fucking move

did he say "you're wrong" or did he call him a rug

is this dude having a heart attack wtf

lol "he's dying" in the most calm way haha me

what the fuck is this motherfucker imagining right now my lord

fuck this guy is weird

*idubbbz voice* I wanna die

ewww I don't wanna see in this bitches throat ugh

why did this bitch scream ugh stfu

Christine makes funny faces when she sings and looks around weirdly it's funny

her face lol her eyes are like buldging

oo Ratmans here

she fuckin died

haha

why'd she pass out though

there are so many people standing around her like back tf up guys

I'm her like whimpering like me @ this movie

lol I'm the doctor

he has funny hair

god why does Christine make such funny/weird faces

fuck off Raoul you're fucking weird

how the fuck did Ratman get there

ugh he's so creepy he needs to fuck off as well

ugh this movie need to fuck off

why am I watching this

uh oh now Raoul's gonna die haha

idek if that's Raoul wait a sec I'm gonna look it up

ya it's him... I think. I'm just gonna keep going with that it is

dear god how am I only forty-four minutes in

he boutta die

ah nvm he didn't

lol he someone just called him Raoul I should've just waited

wait he has a brother

I'm so behind

WHAT THE FUCK THERE ARE NAKED PEOPLE EVERYWHERE WHAT THE FUCK WHY AHHHH PENIS AHHH BOOBS AHHHH WHY IS HAPPENING I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS

I can't omg I really really want to stop watching this movie but I must continue... it's hard though

I don't get why these dudes are fighting

I'm so done with this movie

what is this bitch doing with her tounge

wait, Christine?

she's fucked up lol

god she's so creepy here

why is everyone in this movie so fucking creepy

wait it's not Christine

Rose Velvetlips? The fuck kinda name is that

what why'd he get so angry with her he was the one who was wrong. asshole.

he needs to calm the fuck down

lol he almost headbutted his brother

is this all because he was friendzoned?

what the fuck this creepy dude need to leave these little girls alone

oh my god what the fuck he's so fucking creepy

like for real is he a pedophile

god fuck this movie

I hope he dies

like comeon Ratman pull through and actually kill someone who deserves to be killed for once

this poor little girl

oh my god I'm so scared for her

I can hear the rats

omg this guy is so fucking creepy fucking stop it

yaass Ratman fuck him up

eww I mean thanks but like I didn't need to see that

comeone don't kill the girl please

just let her leave

no don't console her just let her leave dammit

oh thank god thank you Ratman

that'll probably be the only ok part of this movie, the pedophile dies and Ratman is nice to a child

ugh this asshole slapped her Ratman kill that fucker too

let's just turn this movie into him killing assholes who are mean to others who don't deserve it

ewwww I hope they're not really cutting rats tale that's gross and mean

dumb bitch don't touch the fire

ooo I don't like the way he said Christine the mics picked it up weird and it tingled in my ears ugh it gave me shivers like please no

how tf does she know where he is

I feel like he may kill her at some point, like, he thinks he loves her but she'll probably just die

what kind of dr. seuss kinda fucking machine is that

that's fucked up

why do they take so much pleasure from killing these rats so horribly

fucking psychos

lol they wrecked and got rekt

THIS FUCKERS HEAD JUST GOT CUT OFF OMG

karma's a bitch

soooo what was the point of that 'cause now we're just back to Christine

nearly an hour in... suprised I've made it this far...

wow it's so luxurious tf

she's gonna accidentally scare him

ah no he knew she was there

no I don't wanna hear her scream

lol this tune doesn't go with the scene

ewww that face he's making

she looks so fucking weird

I don't like this angle

WTF WHO IS THIS NAKED BITCH LYING ON A BED

OH NO IT'S CHRISTINE AND NOW RATMAN IS HERE ARE THEY FUCKING

WHAT THE FUCK THIS HAPPENED SO SUDDENLY

FUCK THIS FUCKING MOVIE

FUCK

AAAHHHH I MADE A BAD DECISION

FUCK

I WANNA GO HOME

I could've done without that, fuck

what the fuck is the river of time and space

fuck you

fuck Christine

fuck the rats

ugh

I want to die

oh look its that creepy rat exterminator bitch

oh he's gone again

Raouls back

is he gonna go looking for her

ugh take a hint and leave

is that fly fake it's so weird

I never could get fly scenes

how do they film them

you can't train a fly, can you?

I wouldn't think so

oo this bitch found a secret passage

what the fuck is the exterminator doing

where is he going

why do I not believe that Christine is actually good at playing the organ

this is all so wrong

none of it is right

ugh

this is so weird

she wouldn't listen to him and he instantly got angry omg gtg bitch leave him

lol "I hate you and I hate this place" she sounds like a teenager

wait how old is she supposed to be

ooo she just stomped on some rats he's gonna get angry at her

does this bitch really have fake moles

Carlotta you fake bitch

hahaha

she just spit that water on the table

he just called her a fat cow that's mean but her reaction was funny

lol she thinks it's the other dude

hmmm I think Carlotta is actually the only character in this I like

she don't take shit from noone

this dude just walked out and now he's screaming for her

is he dying

he doesn't sound too urgent but I think that he's supposed to be

#badacting lol

but that could be said for most of the cast

how many times is she gonna say Mark

is that dude whos dying named Mark

who tf is Mark

eh it's probably him

uh oh Ratman's a-lurkin she aboutta die

ewwwww he bit her ear ugh stop that's gross

omg what the fuck is he doing to her boob

stop

AH FUCK YOU RATMAN THAT WAS UNECESSARY

if I were Carlotta I would get the fuck outta there

you would never see me in that fucking opera house again

lol her mole is on her nose now

aww her poor boob

that's gotta hurt

Ratman is gross

oh comeone just let Ratman have his way just leave Carlotta

like do you want to die

god how long until this movie is over

about twenty minutes left ugh

did they ever find mark

lol he's goin ham at that chandelier

they all boutta get fucked

why is his hair so long I just realized this

I was so caught up on his face not being deformed

but it's like weirdly floating majestically as he hacks at the chandelier

ugh fuck this

lol Carlotta's face as she watches the chandelier start to break is me

her scream is me

so many people just got fucked

rekt at them

poor them

wait Carlotta boutta die

LOL THAT GREENSCREEN HAAAA

oo she just got knocked over the head with that weird ass statue

how is she not dead

her hair looks funny lol

god Raoul leeeaavvveee

I hate this movie

I feel like Ratman is gonna end up killing her

Christine is gonna die if she keeps doing this

Ratman you need to stop

oh look it's the exterminator again

OH MY GOD RATMAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP

THIS IS RAPE

FUCK YOU RATMAN

oh my god I need to stop watching this movie

I was warned but it truly is so fucking terrible oh my god

thank god it's nearly over

Christine honestly try to leave like idk how but get the fuck outta there

oh wait if he catches her he may kill her

omg I don't know what to do aaahhhh

like I don't like this Christine but I feel bad for her and I want her to live

she's snoopin around, like, be careful Christine

ewww so many rats

he's just sitting there covered in rats, petting rats

lol she is disgusted, she is me

wait what the fuck

why is he taking his shirt off

OH MY GOD

I SAW THAT YOU GUYS WERE CALLING HIM RATFUCKER BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHY

IS HE ACTUALLY GONNA FUCK THE RATS

WHAT THE FUCK

oh good he got up please say he didn't fuck the rats my lord aaaahhhh

I'm gonna need to see a fucking therapist after this

how did Raoul get there

this is stupid I thought she friendzoned him and got with Ratman but now that she knows that he fucks rats she's all calling Raoul her love in shit what the fuck Christine choose which fucked up guy you want and go, fuCK

oh the mirror

why is Ratman cuddling her shoes, weird fucker

what the fuck does that mean Raoul

what the fuck does that mean Christine

their convorsation is confusing

haha Ratmans there listening to their convo

ha he's crying

god that was a gross, horrible kiss

lol Ratman crying is me @ this movie, fuck

the way this one dude is talking is so bad, like his acting is so bad

why is she just so suddenly with Raoul

god back to this exterminator for a fucking second, now he's gone. WHERE THIS FUCK IS IT GOING WITH HIM JUST PLAY HIS FATE AND MOVE THE FUCK ON

so how is Ratman going to fuck this up

lol is that him clapping? haaa Ratman bitter af

ah theres the exterminator finally fuck

AHHH HE ABOUTTA CALL HER OUT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE FOR FUCKING RATMAN AHAAAA

HE DIIIIDDDD HAAAAAA

rekt at Christine haaaaa

what the fuck Ratman just flew out of nowhere

the dude with the notepad is just following everyone chasing Christine and Ratman and is taking notes I like him he's funny, he's me

DOWN ONCE MORE TO THE DUNGEON OF MY BLACK DESPAIR

he's so ugly

oh goddammit Ratman stop it

yaaasss Christine hit him with a rock, get it bitch

lol it took Raoul like twenty seconds to realize he was being called for

"forgive me" lol you ain't sorry Christine

what the fuck is she just going with it or is she actually going with him what the fuck Christine make up your fUCKING MIND

eight minutes left, thank gOd

oooo are they gonna have a sword fight 'cause I hope so

lol did noone know that these people had been dead and missing this whole time

lol Christine lowkey dying

oh wait Raoul grabbed a gun not a sword dammit I wanted them to duel

yaasss Raoul shot Ratman

what the fuck Christine she's upset over Ratman being shot fuck is she with Raoul or Ratman like I know it's hard for you to chose which fucked up man you want but just go with one

what now they're all leaving together

what the fuck

ugh

I'm so fucking confused

ooo this guy has a sword I hope he duels Ratman

lol Christine is so distraught over leaving Ratman, like, a) why and b) if you really wanted to get to him you should just fucking jump in the water and swim to him, or can you not swim? fuck

lol he got shot rekt at him

the rats are angry

he's retaliating

wait he just got shot again

how is he still up and running

and he just got stabbed

how is he still going

lol obviously she likes Ratman more Raoul should just dump her ass in the river and get outta there quicker

they've barely gotten anywhere, like I said, dump her ass

how is he still alive

they're calling for eachother

he wants her back

tell Raoul to turn around or dUMP HER ASS IN THE RIVER

like seriously, again, can she not swim? did I miss something??

ahaaaaa Ratman just got stabbed

HE JUST FELL SO DRAMATICALLY INTO THE WATER HAAAAA

lol his ring fell off her finger what kinda stupid ass symbolism shit

I think the rats are crying

it ended on her crying

wait now there are shots of the theater. like I care.

I think someone was talking but I wasn't listening lol oh well

thank gOD this stupid fucking movie is over. I just wasted so much time that could've been put to use doing something better, like feeding birds, or doing charity work, or watching the 25th anniversary edition

I’ve yet to read the book (I just got it so I’m going to soon) but I really hope that it’s nothing like this

tbh I think Love Never Dies was better and Christine fucking dies in that one

k bye movie I’m gonna go do something productive thanks for the uncomfortable time

*ALSO I just wanted to quickly add that I saw that there was a mask pictured on the movies poster but I didn’t see one mask in this movie so like, yeah, fuck you movie

#phantom of the opera #the phantom of the opera #thoughts #spoilers #poto #tpoto

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rassasassalin · 6 years

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Kane, Kane I love you, but I don't want to see you fight Brock. It'll be the worst kind of trainwreck. I don't even really wanna see Braun fight Brock again, just because I don't trust them to do right and have him beat mister dickchest.

...Kurt, really? Jfc. I guess it'll bring the casual fans in. Fuck me, I'm just so tired of Brock. Love Heyman, hate seeing that dumb purple face and penis tattoo.

Joe Rollins... Yeah, that'll be a good match, but it doesn't quite get the gross lesner taste outta my mouth.

Don't call Seth bad, Cole, he's trying to redeem himse- JORDAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING PLEASE STOP I REALLY LEGITIMATELY WANT TO LIKE YOU AND YOU ARE MAKING IT VERY HARD TO DO. Fuckin Seth's face, tho, like "who the hell is this child and who let him in my ring???" Man is lucky that Dean hasn't dropped down from the ceiling to try and brutalize him.

Ah Joe, you know you're always the bell of any ball that matters.

Not sure Seth's one to talk about Daddy issues considering his history with Trips and Steph, but ok, you a face now, we'll politely ignore the things you did as a heel.

Things I would not actually be surprised should they happen: Joe ends up kind of adopting Jason Jordan as his pupil/understudy for the purpose of annoying the shit out of Kurt as Jordan goes through his rebellious stage.

...A WWF commercial on the WWE is really weirding me out. I mean, hell yeah, let's stop tiger poaching, but like... 's'weird.

I don't like that noise Seth made when he was rammed into the barricade, if he could never make that noise again that'd be great. Is the crowd chanting boring? People have no appreciation for ring psychology anymore. I know you guys don't like Jordan, but let him try to murder Seth's back jfc it makes sense, let the boy live. Wow, yeah, that probably should have been Jordan's win, wow. Also, nice to see American Alpha on the same super cool suplexing lane. I can dig it.

Pffff, Love Tap. It's just a lil' love tap. Love Booker T.

Whoever in the crowd is chanting boring needs to shut the fuck GULAK YES PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW HOW DREW IS FEELING AFTER LAST WEEK IS HE GOING TO PUT ON A BRAVE FACE OR WILL HE BE TOTALLY DESPONDENT OR JUST VERY CONFLICTED? GIVE ME MY CRUISERWEIGHTS NOW PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

ALSO IF THEY COULD DELETE THE SKITTLES POX COMMERCIAL THAT WOULD ALSO BE FANTASTIC I FUCKING HATE IT SO MUCH JUST MAKE IT GO AWAY IT'S SO GROSS.

Dean called Sheamus and Cesaro the Europeans. AND HE CAN'T TEAM WITH A FACE LIKE JORDAN'S. DEANO. Deano please. I can't.

...I also can't deal with bwoken matt please oh my god i just want bray to be taken seriously and also want matt to do ridiculously stupid backyard wrestling shit and i'm just not sure i can get both at the same time.

BRAY PLEASE STAHP WITH THE FACES

Things I am honestly surprised by: The fact that nobody has found a way to get the chant "Oooo-ver" into Finn's theme song. Or just, chanting Over at him any time he's in the ring.

Book, come on dude, give m'boys a chance before you say their strategy aint workin, the match only just started. Oops, someone's bleedin. Oh boyos, boooo, why you gotta be like that, come on that's not HOLY SHIT HIDEO! I was NOT expecting him tonight!!!

...is... are they thinking of moving Finn over to 205 live? Hideo's already there, and Vince has a habit of purposefully putting people that he doesn't think has what it takes in no win situations just so he can say he was right all along. Well, joke's on fucking you McMahon, because those of us who actually watch the cruiserweights are totally aware of how amazing their in ring work and story telling is, and if you bring Finn over, all you're going to do is get more people to watch them and come to the same realization. Bringing Finn over might very well make 205 a serious contender against NXT as far as loyal and slightly rabid fanbases go. ...Also did Cole say something about the Zo Train and then Drew Gulak as a separate entity from said train of Enzo??? Should I be reading into that?

That's my dude, Cedric. Glad you know better than to underestimate Drew.

...Wheeeeeeen will I get my UK boys on their own shooooooooow?????????

Oh my god, here we go, I'm not ready, Drew bby pls Fucking yes those cheers were for Drew thank you for noticing Enzo. ...Hmm... I think they're doing the thin DREEEEEEWW FUCKLNDF KILL ME RIGHT NOW BABY NO HOW DARE YOU FUCKING JAR JAR I'M GONNA DIE I CAN"T FUCKING PLEASE STOP ALSO HE"S NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU FUCKING THANK YOU CEDRIC ...Where is Enzo going? How is going to help Drew cheat from up there? Also I just noticed Drew's Trunks I think I like them but might also kind of hate thhem they somehow look kinda skimpier than his black ones and I'm not sure how or why Zulak. Eheheh. Zuul motherfucker. Okay, so, typing this out while having my eyes glued on the screen so will probably have a number of interjections when exciting things happen, but I'm thinking maybe to explain this whole coming out like Drew didn't do nothing wrong- Drew holy shit, don't flip over the top rope like that, thanks- might be because they're doing that thing where they act like nothing happened on tuesday because they assume that the regular audience didn't bother to watch, which is like... I sort of understand but it also really pisses me off. Wrestling fans in general aren't actually that stupid, and fun fact, Drew Gulak and Enzo Amore are in fact good enough story tellers to say through a few words, and show through their actions, that shit went down. That's kind of the great thing about wrestling. It's a soap opera in the way that you can stop watching for years and years and years, and come back- Sweet baby jesus another WWF commercial what the hell is happening here- to basically any show and pretty much have a pretty good idea of what's going on, storyline wise. -Look, if Cedric wasn't on the top rope, he couldn't be tossed off it, let's be real. ALSO AMORE YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH AND STOP THREATENING MY DREW AND STOP CALLING HIM GABBY GOO GOO I DON'T APPROVE but I do approve Drew working the wings and back like how beautiful i do legitimately love technical wrestling- Just given the action of the "actors" we can tell who's a good guy, who's a baddy, who's got beef with who, and anything that can't be super easily explained, we got video packages for. I'm kind of seriously worried that they're going to do a- FUCKING BEAUTIFUL TIE HIM UP DREW I LOVE HIM SO MUCH SHUT THE FUCK ENZO FUCK ME THAT FIGHTING FOR THE BOTTOM ROPE WAS FUCKING AMAZING AND where the fuck is Zo going???? Drew, no, come on, don't get distrac- fuck. Too late. Drew is... is Drew bleeding he IS Fuck me, okay, kinda figured that's how this'll beeeee Nia no why???

Shit, okay, thought I was having- Enzo's going to get used and abused, by his train and by Nia probably until the only one he has left is Drew, who is lame and a dweeb and a fucking square but you know what unlike everyone else he's been a true friend despite everything that Enzo has put him through and so, through Drew's good dork heart, he helps mends Enzo so he stops being so jaded and hurt after what Cas did to him. Or not. Probably not, at all, but it's a road that they could go down should they choose to.

Mmmkay, Asuka win, unsurprising, slightly surprised that Absolution hasn't come back out to fuck with her again. Like, if I was eventually going to be going up against Asuka, I'd be playing mindgames and beating her down to give myself a weakpoint to target later on every chance I got.

Shhhiiiiiit, I remember that countdown, it was Ammmaaaaaazing~ I popped as hard as an 8yo could pop and I didn't quite understand what was happening but I knew that I would never be the same Ageen. Good times. Good fucking times.

Ah yes, and here come *in Ambrose Voice* The Europeans. I'm sorry, I'm never going to get over it, it makes me want to both laugh and cry, Deano has a gift on the mic truly.

Not to be a grammarnazi, but it's you'RE a stupid idiot, not your.

Calling it now- Jason is gonna get in Dean's way/ knocked into him or Seth, and Ambrose is going to get distracted enough with beating the shit out of him that it somehow causes him and Seth to lose the match, either because Seth'll go for the tag and no one will be there, or someone's gonna get ambushed and then pinned real quick. That, or Dean tries to push Jordan out of the way, and so Jordan jumps in to fight back and they lose because of that.

Woooooooow, Jordan. Slow your damn roll. I mean, I don't think I'd have started with Seth either, because he's obviously still feeling that earlier fight, but still. You don't go at it that way. C'mon man. Ahahahaa omg what the hell was that slide across the ring by Cesaro that was the oddest looking thing I've seen in ages. I mean, I appreciate the blueballing against a hot tag, but like, ehehe I want to be mad but I'm just giggling. Dean, I appreciate you putting Seth back in the ring but why didn't you put him back in closer to your corner??? Shit, Dean, are you okay??? Fuck, shit, that better be a work, jesus, oh no, ohhhh no please come on oh shit I don't like that ending it was awkward as fuck fuuuuuuuck deano....

...No, wait, uh, uhhhh, they setting up for a turn? I mean, Dean's the obvious one to make a heel turn on the Shield right now. Personally, I'd go with Roman, because it'd be less expected and unfortunately people are going to go back to booing him as soon as the Shield isn't around anymore so you might as well give the crowds a REASON to boo him, but I know Dean's the lunatic so... Christ I really hope this is a work and he's not actually hurt...

Limo??? Oh! Oh, Steph's home! Nice!

...Matt, omg. I'd watch Matt fight a fish. ...Woken Warriors. Matt, please stop. ...Fuck me, they're going to go back to crossdressing Bray again. Please, let's not do that again. I like that Corey is a Woken Warrior. I shouldn't, but I do.

Okay, okay, they're showing Dean getting hurt alot, so... maybe yes a work??? YES, Okay, attack backstage means work, definitely work. Or like, Dean does have issues with his arm so he needs time off to get it fixed. They used to do this all the time to let the wrestlers have Kayfabe reasons to not be around for a couple of months. But like... they're pretty upfront about when a guy or gal does get injured now, so... I have no idea what's going on.

Fuck yeah, welcome back Revival. Missed you boys. Who's their first victims then? Oh, Heath and Rhyno. Awww. Well, makes sense. At least they're getting tv timmmmmmm what is Dana Wearing??? Why??????? BOOKER MY DUDE NO PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT DANA COUNTING CALORIES THAT'S NOT COOL.

KURT DON'T YOU FIRE MY HEATH HE'S GOT KIDS!!! oh god what is rhyno gonna put heath through????

Hello Elias. ...I love Elias. please go caroling at me. Man fuck Goodell. I- what? Sasha??? What are you doing? Oh my god. Are the girls gonna beat up Elias? I mean, not that I'm super against it or anything, but like, why? Is there a reason for this? Has he done something? Oh, it's because it's time for their match, right? He's eating up their time.... Oh no that one buddy, that's so sad, but it was a good try Bailey. Bye, Elias. Dude... You can't not hug Bailey.

...Why HASN'T Nia been more involved with fighting Absolution. She's a huge threat. You'd think they'd try to take her out early. ...Dana changed her clothes. Well, hello there Boss Lady. Paige looks like she knows she's about to be grounded but is trying to play it cool.

I'd like to point out that if there was a big ol' fella rumble going on and an Dude McMahon came out, they wouldn't have stopped fighting. But the Ladies know when toooooooooo YESSSSS PLEASE STEPHANIE I WANT A FUCKING WOMEN'S RUMBLE YEP YEP YEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#wwe raw #monday night raw #sassin about rasslin

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