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phantom-le6 · 9 months

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Episode Reviews - Star Trek: Voyager Season 6 (3 of 7)

Episode 9: The Voyager Conspiracy

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

Seven of Nine decides to increase the amount of information she learns by directly assimilating as much of Voyager's data as possible via her regeneration alcove. This allows her to draw conclusions from varied sources of data, and she finds the source of a problem in one of the systems that would otherwise have taken a long time to track down. Meanwhile, the ship encounters an alien who has constructed a catapult capable of throwing a ship several hundred light years in a few hours. The crew of Voyager help him repair his array, with hopes that if he makes the trip successfully, they can then use it to shorten their trip home.

Seven of Nine downloads the data about the catapult, but she begins to exhibit paranoid behaviour. She uses evidence concerning possible spatial-warp technology developments to convince Chakotay that Janeway might be spearheading a Federation presence in the Delta Quadrant. Although sceptical, Chakotay delays the shield modifications necessary for the catapult trip so he can examine the evidence himself.

After another regeneration/assimilation cycle, Seven has a new conclusion. She uses most of the same evidence, but this time with added incidents involving Chakotay to support her findings to convince Janeway that Chakotay might be spearheading a power grab for the Maquis with the same technology. Janeway and Chakotay end up comparing stories and they realize Seven is acting irrationally. The Doctor determines that Seven has downloaded more information than she can handle.

Seven then starts suspecting a third conspiracy: that the aim of the last five years was actually to grab a Borg drone, herself. Seven steals the Delta Flyer in order to escape from Voyager. Janeway manages to beam aboard. She convinces Seven that she is ill and she returns to Voyager for treatment. The crew successfully uses the alien's catapult to travel closer to the Alpha Quadrant, cutting three years off their journey.

Review:

While the Trek wiki site Memory Alpha doesn’t tell us what this episode aimed to be about, Wikipedia itself suggests various interpretations. The first and most obvious is that it showcases someone struggling with an overload of information. Others have suggested it’s just showcasing paranoia or being a metaphor for schizophrenia, but I doubt these were the aim, but that’s just a pure hunch on my part. A fourth suggestion is that even the smartest of us can draw incorrect conclusions from raw data. Given Seven’s proven ability across my review to date to reflect autistics, and the tendency of many autistics to experience various sensory processing issues, I’m inclined to thing that episode really is simply about information overload for the most part.

That said, the episode also sees a multitude of conspiracies being spun, none of which hold water and yet are almost believed by Janeway and Chakotay. As such, there is a somewhat prescient quality to the episode, because it acts as a case study for modern-day conspiracies, or “fake news”, though usually the latter term is used by conspiracy nuts to debunk the truth, rather than by objective and trustworthy sources to debunk conspiracy theories. Overall, it’s a very good episode, but it’s another Seven-centric one at a time when the show was over-using Seven and needed to give other characters more attention. It’s not a huge flaw, but it’s enough to prevent top marks. 9 out of 10 for this one.

Episode 10: Pathfinder

Plot (as given by me):

Lt Reg Barclay is visited by his old shipmate Deanna Troi on Earth, and informs her that he’s become obsessed with his work regarding Voyager. He then informs her how the situation developed; Barclay had recently been working as part of Project Pathfinder, a team of Star Fleet personnel trying to find a means of contacting Voyager ever since the Doctor made contact with the Federation a few years ago (in the season 4 episode “Message in a Bottle”). Barclay’s most recent idea was to use the MIDAS communications array to create a wormhole to the Delta Quadrant, which could then carry a comm signal through to Voyager. However, Comm. Pete Harkins thought the idea wouldn’t work because a previous idea of Barclay’s hadn’t, and he asked Reg to complete his assigned duties instead.

Unfortunately, Reg couldn’t let the idea go, and continued to pursue it even when asked not to. An outburst during the visit of Admiral Owen Paris, father of Voyager’s helmsman Tom Paris, only served to worsen the situation, as did the subsequent discovery that Barclay was using the Project Pathfinder holodecks to interact with a simulated Voyager crew. Reg was then removed from the project, but persisted in trying to get his idea approved by badgering the admiral for a chance. Ultimately, Admiral Paris promised a review of Barclay’s idea if he could submit a proper proposal. To Reg, this was a polite rebuff and he didn’t believe the admiral would really do anything.

Reg pleads with Deanna to use her status as a Star Fleet counsellor to declare him fit for duty, but she refuses as she can see Reg is clearly in a state of poor mental health. Reg reveals his use of the holodeck in his work on Pathfinder stemmed from being unable to cope when he was transferred from the Enterprise, as he felt like he’d lost a family and needed a new one. Troi offers to ask Captain Picard for a leave of absence so she can work with Reg on a better solution.

That night, Reg is unable to sleep and breaks into Project Pathfinder to carry out his idea. The attempt is detected and Harkins tries to stop Reg, who encrypts the systems and tries to hide in his simulation of Voyager. Ultimately, Reg is forced to abandon the holodeck, just as Admiral Paris arrives to approve Barclay’s idea. As Harkins informs the admiral of Reg’s conduct, Voyager picks up the signal and responds. Working together, Reg and Harkins clear up the signal long enough for Reg, and then Admiral Paris, to talk to Captain Janeway and her crew. Reg’s success is celebrated by Voyager’s crew, and is apparently sufficient to avoid any serious reprimand from his superiors. He later fills Deanna in about Harkins’ sister-in-law, who Harkins wad trying to set him up with earlier in the episode.

Review:

This is a great episode to watch if your fandom of Trek includes the other shows that were made between the late 80’s or early 00’s, specifically TNG. Luckily, I’m in that category, so it was fun to see Reg Barclay and Deanna Troi back on the TV screen. Reg, of course, headlines this episode, which barely features the main cast, and the fact that it’s such a good episode tells me two things. First, Dwight Schultz is a great actor, as are the others playing roles in his story. Second, the way Voyager’s characters were being written was getting to irksome (to me, at least) that the episode really feels like a breath of fresh air. Too many of the show’s plots fail to develop character or discuss issues, and if they do, there’s often some flaw, quite frequently linked to over-use of Seven or Voyager’s action remit.

In the case of this episode, we actually get some character development, but it’s around Barclay trying to deal with life after his time on the Enterprise, and while the way he handles it is clearly unhealthy, it has the benefit of providing a boon to Voyager. As such, we can kind of forgive the fact that our first quality character development in a while went to a TNG-created guest character instead of a Voyager main character. More difficult to overlook is the various short-cuts Voyager has managed between the “Message in a Bottle” episode, and how that would presumably put the ship well outside the Pathfinder team’s estimates for its location. However, the episode never states that Barclay specifically targeted those sectors, and it’s possible that Star Fleet might have some kind of long-range probes mapping any phenomena in the Delta Quadrant that might shorten Voyager’s journey. Bottom line, though, is that this is a show that suggests humans getting on with each other despite the fact this is something humans frequently suck at doing. If you can buy into the spirit of Star Trek, I think you can let at least some of the tech details slide.

By rights, this episode should get top marks, but again, it falls just short because it’s having to rely on TNG alumni and guest stars to make the episode good Trek instead of relying on its main cast. As such, this is another 9 out of 10 episode.

Episode 11: Fair Haven

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

Tom Paris has written a popular new holodeck program about an Irish village called Fair Haven. Captain Janeway enters the program, and while she is taking a tour the crew is alerted to an approaching storm front. Lt. Torres informs the captain that the disruption caused by the storm prevents Voyager from going to warp, and impulse power will not be enough to outrun the storm. Janeway decides to batten the hatches, drop anchor and ride out the storm.

After a discussion about crew morale with Neelix, Janeway agrees to allow the Fair Haven program to continue to run. During this downtime many of the crew stop in to spend time in Fair Haven. Some even take roles in the village; the Doctor becomes the town priest and admonishes Paris and Kim to attend the following Sunday's Mass. Captain Janeway stops again to visit the program, and spends an evening getting to know one of the holodeck characters, barkeeper Michael Sullivan. After spending the entire night in a relaxed date with Sullivan, morning brings his wife into the program. Janeway becomes flustered and leaves the program, returning to the bridge as the first wave of the storm hits. The storm will last a further three days, and the captain gives Paris and Kim permission to expand the program to holodeck 2. At this point Captain Janeway edits the character of Sullivan to her specifications. She gives him more intelligence, a few traits that make him more compatible with her personality, and finally deletes his wife. While Janeway is spending time with her modified version of Sullivan, Chakotay encounters the two of them, causing the captain some embarrassment.

Janeway has mixed emotions about her motives, and discusses moral and ethical implications of having a relationship with a holodeck character with Chakotay. Being so far removed from any practical relationship with a "real" person, and realising that her first officer believes it could produce healthy results, Janeway continues to enjoy the holodeck program as "Katie O'Clare". Eventually she removes the other characters and kisses Sullivan.

While the captain is away from the program tending to ship's business, Sullivan becomes depressed because he thinks Katie has left him. He starts a fight in the holodeck which quickly grows into an all-out brawl with both holodeck characters and crew members suffering the effects. After learning about the fight, the captain shares her thoughts and concerns with the Doctor. The Doctor sees holograms as equals to their flesh and blood counterparts, and encourages her to continue her relationship with Sullivan.

Eventually the full brunt of the storm hits with its most destructive forces taking out many of the ship's systems. While some of the Fair Haven program survives, many of its finer points are lost. When approached by Tom and Harry about what should be saved, the captain returns to the holodeck. She does decide to save the character of Michael Sullivan, and after more thought she tells the computer to deny her access to modifying any more of the program's sub-routines.

Review:

Apparently, this episode is a bit historically inaccurate in its depiction of what is presumably early 20th century Ireland, but then Trek has a history of exercising revisionist programming on the holodeck in regards to history. After all, DS9 had a 60’s style Vegas casino lounge for its Frank Sinatra tribute programme Vic Fontaine that included no racist elements, so why should Tom Paris’ program in this episode differ in that fashion. However, Wikipedia notes that a number of reviews have taken this episode to account for stereotyping Irish culture and people, which surprises me not at all. After all, TNG’s “Up The Long Ladder” in its second season did much the same, and while this episode isn’t anything like as bad overall, Trek should not be in the business of stereotyping given its nature.

Ultimately, though, the holo-deck program is more a sort of backdrop to issues being explored through Captain Janeway’s character. In this episode, she falls for a man who happens to be a hologram, but finds him taken and not entirely compatible with her. So, she makes him single and adjusts his characteristics. With this done, Janeway then begins to indulge in the romance much more, but when she goes to further edit her holographic romance, she panics. The fact that Michael Sullivan is completely customisable to her wishes makes her feel that everything, including her feelings, are all an illusion, and she abandons the relationship. After the program is damaged, Janeway saves the character after denying herself further editing rights.

What, then, does this all signify? Well, for a start, the characters of Chakotay and the Doctor each point out in turn how going out with a hologram is perfectly fine, because the who of the person trumps the what. At the time the episode came out, this could be seen as strict metaphor for any number of differences. Heck, this aired when I was a teenager and girls were recoiling from me left, right and centre for being autistic, so a few of them could have done with watching this episode and taking its lesson to heart, even if only to let me down easier. As we come into the era of AI technology, though, this episode takes on a kind of prescient quality.

I’ve seen articles on my Facebook news feed in recent days, weeks and months about not only the development of robots for sexual purposes, but also how one woman has apparently married an artificial intelligence. While these things sound crazy at first hearing, imagine hearing them when you’re also watching a lot of Trek. Characters like Data, the Doctor, or Sullivan in this episode, epitomise what AI could be like in time; not just chatbots and auto-writing/drawing programs, but sentient beings with human-like minds and bodies made of either synthetics or, as the Doctor says, “photons and force-fields.” As such, there may come a time where the idea of human-AI relationships is valid because the level of AI and robotic advancements will allow for a very near-human partner.

Now, would this result in some mass stampede for such relationships? No, if for no other reason than the majority of human beings would be able to find other humans that they can have successful relationships with. However, we do live in a world where a lot of people aren’t so fortunate, and not through any fault of their own. Some of us, like Captain Janeway, become isolated from conventional romance by our occupations, especially those that entail duty and having to work in a command structure. Others may struggle because they can’t find anyone near to them that will accept them enough to give them a chance, or they function in a way society refuses to cater to. If an AI can be given a suitable form and be advanced enough, then this may actually be a welcome alternative to those society hampers in matters of romantic and sexual interaction.

The episode also brings up the issue of changing one’s partner; is this wise, or indeed ethical, to do so? With human partners, and discounting the unique considerations of consensual dominant-submissive relationships (which if handled correctly are ethical and not to be confused with abusive relationships), it’s generally ill-advised to change a partner. In the event AI reaches a level that relationships between a human and any artificial intelligence are viable, the question would be just what level has that AI reached? If it is effectively sentient, then changing them solely on the wishes of a human becomes unethical, because to quote the motto of Optimus Prime, “freedom is the right of all sentient beings.” However, if an AI is not sentient, then altering it remains within the bounds of ethical behaviour. However, it’s not quite clear in this episode if the Sullivan holodeck character has true sentience, as most holograms lack this faculty in Trek. Going by the events of the sequel episode to this one, however, it’s a reasonable bet that Sullivan at least becomes sentient over the two-episode arc.

Overall, this is a very thought-provoking episode and really gives us some great issues to look at, but alas, one cannot ignore the stereotyping the episode apparently does. As such, I give this episode 7 out of 10.

Episode 12: Blink of an Eye

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The starship Voyager approaches an alien world which is enveloped in a tachyon field, giving it an odd temporal nature. To learn more about the planet, Captain Janeway orders the ship to move closer, but Voyager becomes trapped in orbit by the planet's magnetic field. While the crew concocts an escape plan, Seven of Nine surveys the planet and discovers that Voyager's presence is causing occasional quakes. Further scans reveal that time passes at a much more rapid rate on the planet and it is inhabited by primitive humanoids.

As hours on Voyager pass, centuries pass on the planet and its humanoid inhabitants soon reach a level of technology similar to 20th-century Earth. As the crew discusses the unusually rapid technological progress of the species, a radio message is broadcast at Voyager. Tom Paris wants to reply but Tuvok points out that the species has not developed warp technology; a reply would be a violation of the Prime Directive. Janeway suggests a covert one-person mission to the planet. As he would not be affected by the change in the passage of time because he is a hologram, the Doctor volunteers for the mission, which, due to the time differential, lasts three years from the Doctor's perspective, even though he is only gone from the ship for minutes. Upon returning, he reports that Voyager, simply by its presence, has encouraged the society to advance as the humanoids attempt to contact the "sky-ship". While some strive to establish peaceful contact, others are developing increasingly powerful weaponry to shoot down Voyager and stop the earthquakes.

The humanoids develop technology sophisticated enough to send astronauts on a crewed mission to make contact with the sky-ship. A capsule is launched and succeeds in docking with Voyager. Its two astronauts, a male and female, begin to explore the ship, which appears frozen in time, but fall unconscious from the stress of adjusting to the different space-time. The bodies are found on the bridge and are taken to sickbay. The female dies from the shock of adjustment but the male, Gotana-Retz, is successfully treated whilst Voyager is hit by a bombardment of antimatter artillery.

Janeway urges Gotana-Retz to return to the planet and convince them to cease the attack. Gotana-Retz does so just after Voyager's shields collapse. Suddenly, two spaceships appear alongside Voyager and use tractor beams to tow the vessel out of the planet's field. A visibly older Gotana-Retz briefly transports to Voyager to explain what has happened and Janeway thanks him and his people. On the surface, an elderly Gotana-Retz, long returned from his experience in space, gazes wistfully into the sky as his people's sky-ship vanishes from the heavens.

Review:

Here we have a very conceptual episode where everything revolves around a planet moving so fast, Janeway’s crew is able to track an alien culture from its caveman era to a Trek-level society in a matter of days. As concepts go, it certainly is interesting to watch, especially seeing the species in question cast of religious superstition in favour of more scientifically reasoned ideas. That aspect of the episode seems very much like an homage to Trek itself, given that Roddenberry’s idea for an optimistic future is one based on human secularism, not human spirituality.

Peel back the concept, though, and what lies beneath? The characters are not being developed by this experience, and while Voyager’s presence inspires an entire culture over many centuries of relative time, no issue is really explored. Certainly, there are not many things of human experience that have had the same impact in real life, or none that I can think of anyway. If this episode is somehow meant to be a metaphor to something in that line, I think we could have done with some screentime being spent making the metaphor less opaque. For me, though, this is another hollow bit of Trek, and I can only give it 5 out of 10.

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selenafreshfriendkidoaf · 1 year

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Characteristics of Computer Viruses

The 9 fundamental highlights of PC infections 1-They are executable Infections are executable projects that are embedded in different projects, as though they were parasites, to exploit the advantages of the last option, like admittance to specific pieces of the product.

Characteristics of Computer Viruses

2-They stay lethargic Infections can be kept up with in idleness or hatching. This implies that the infection won't go after the PC whenever it first reaches it.

All things being equal, it will stay concealed for a specific time frame: it tends to be a day, seven days, a year or more, contingent upon the directions with which it has been customized.

During this time of inactivity, the infection makes duplicates of itself. This is finished to get close enough to various places of the PC code, while guaranteeing its endurance in the event that one of its duplicates is distinguished by an antivirus.

3-They are moved starting with one component then onto the next The activity of a PC infection is like that of an organic infection. In living things infections are communicated starting with one creature then onto the next.

On the off chance that these infections find the right circumstances in their hosts, they will duplicate to contaminate more pieces of the body.

At the point when this occurs, the visitor starts to show side effects of the illness and really might pass on.

Then again, PC infections are communicated starting with one PC then onto the next through different means.

The most widely recognized structures of"contagion"are the establishment of pilfered (non-unique) programs, the download of documents from uncontrolled pages and the association of sullied removable drives (USB drives, circles, among others).

4-Initiate from a trigger Infections can be set off in various ways. There are infections with explicit signs in regards to their enactment. For instance, some are planned to follow up on a specific date and time.

Others leave the dormant state when a specific occasion happens; for instance, that a specific number of duplicates of infections have been finished, that a particular record has been downloaded, among others.

At the point when the infection is embedded in the PC, it confirms assuming there are the circumstances helpful for its enactment. Assuming this is the case, then the course of contamination and obliteration starts. On the off chance that the infection observes that the circumstances are excessive, then it stays dormant.

The way that infections work with triggers makes them more hurtful on the grounds that they are invested with a sort of insight.

5-They are disastrous As a general rule, PC infections are disastrous. Notwithstanding, the level of obliteration will rely upon the guidelines with which they were customized.

Some lessen the proficiency of PC activity. Others totally obliterate the hardware code, delivering it pointless.

There are likewise infections that are answerable for erasing the records put away in the PC's memory, so they can presently not be recuperated or are hard to get to.

6-Are planned for a specific reason PC infections are intended to follow up on a PC and on a particular working framework.

For instance, there are infections that were created to work just on PCs that have Windows as a working framework. Other infections have been made to taint Android cell phones.

7-Stay stowed away Infections are intended to stay concealed briefly. Not to be recognized these projects as a rule weigh 1 kb or less.

On the off chance that the infection didn't stay stowed away however acted following it came into contact with the PC, it would lose the potential chance to reproduce itself and spread to additional frameworks, intruding on the developmental pattern of the program.

8-They are evolving Once in a while infection identification is unimaginable or more troublesome due to the changing idea of infections.

Certain infections are customized to change and refresh to remain concealed according to antivirus.

Antivirus programming works with designs. This implies that the product has a data set of malware , which fills in as a correlation technique for recognizing irresistible projects.

Nonetheless, in the event that the infection changes as it repeats, the antivirus can not remember it as an irresistible program.

9-They are industrious The impacts of infections are industrious. Indeed, even after the irresistible projects have been recognized by the antivirus, the impacts of these are seen in the PCs.

For instance, assuming the infection was coordinated to the memory of the PC, it is conceivable that the information put away there is lost for eternity.

In the event that an infection polluted an organization of gear, eliminate the malware will be a requesting task, since it very well may be communicated from a tainted PC to a solid PC in practically no time, growing the scope of activity of the infection.

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seniorcareinindia · 2 years

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What Should You Know About Monkeypox?

Monkeypox is an ongoing health crisis, and little conclusive information about it is available in the public domain. So, it is challenging to point out classic monkeypox symptoms. It is a contagious virus and can be transmitted by contact with the infected person. However, a few signs found in the infected persons are similar to the symptoms seen in smallpox patients, but they are not conclusive. Instead, monkeypox symptoms are suggested by medical personnel and WHO. Here are a few of them -

Fever

Rashes that look like pimples

Blisters that appear on the face, inside the mouth, or the other parts of the body, like hands

Chills

Headache

Swollen lymph nodes

Exhaustion

This disease can last from two to four weeks, and sometimes people get a rash followed by other symptoms. Later on, some others may experience only an inflammation. It can spread through the rash, scabs, and respiratory secretions during face-to-face or intimate physical contact, just like COVID.

Monkeypox Virus Cases in India

The world is still recovering from COVID, and a new illness has disturbed our way of life. The recent health crisis at hand now is the monkeypox virus. On the 23rd of July 2022, The World Health Organisation (WHO) declared this virus outbreak a public health emergency of international concern. Remember that the WHO declared COVID a public emergency in January 2020. Till the 27th of July 2022, more than 75 countries have confirmed more than 16000 cases. There are four known monkeypox cases in India, out of which the first was a 35-year-old man who returned from the UAE. There are three suspected monkeypox cases in DelhiNCR.

In response, several states have deployed strict screening protocols and guidelines from outside India, and the central government has instructed health systems to remain alert as the cases increase.

Monkeypox Treatment and incubation period

There are little to no treatments for this disease, but the good news is that it has a low mortality rate, which may range from 1 to 5 per cent, just like COVID. There is not very conclusive data available yet. This disease's incubation period usually varies from 5 to 21 days. However, the patients recover from this disease itself with little treatment.

As per WHO, the vaccines for smallpox are effective in treating this illness and are widely suggested in European countries. However, a virus usually mutates when it travels from host bodies, and we may face a variant that does not cope with the existing treatments and is immune in the population. Moreover, data is now available for this virus since it was first identified in monkeys in a Danish laboratory in 1958. The first human case was identified in a child in the democratic republic of Cango in 1970.

If you are looking for a one-stop solution to enhance your senior health, look no further. The Emoha app helps seniors enhance their health and safety, all in the comfort of their own homes. With the app, you get access to various live-interactive shows, ranging from daily yoga classes to healthy cooking shows. Additionally, you can avail of facilities like 24/7 emergency support (medical & nonmedical), daily convenience help desk, daily care calls, medicine reminders, health counselling, one-tap access to all medical documents, special discounts on medicines, and much more. Download the app on Google Play Store and iOS App Store.

Conclusion

Currently, Europe most affected by the virus is relying on smallpox vaccines to contain the spread. This development gives India an advantage due to its experience with smallpox immunisation. In 1975, India eradicated smallpox through mass vaccination, and even today, the smallpox vaccine is mandatory for newborn children. Experts state that India's experience with smallpox could prove to be an advantage, and Indians might not be at much risk against this virus because most of them have already been immunised. However, various viruses are known to evolve in unpredictable ways, so it is essential to be cautious about further development and be proactive to the circumstances of the virus. Follow the instructions and guidelines issued by the health and family welfare ministry.

FAQs

Is there a vaccine against Monkeypox?

The smallpox vaccines are effective against the monkeypox virus.

Who is at the highest risk?

People who have close physical contact with a monkeypox infected person are at the highest risk.

What is the mortality rate?

Currently, the mortality rate for this virus is somewhere between 1 and 5 per cent.

Where did the virus first identify?

The virus was firstly identified in 1958 in a Danish laboratory.

Who is the first infected person in India?

A 35-year-old person who returned from Dubai is the first confirmed case of Monkeypox in India.

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maplecornia · 3 years

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chapter 8

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 3.23K

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: You watched them from the sidelines ever since you were a young teenage girl. Now you’re grown up, they’ve returned after 2 long years and everything has changed. What happens when you pull back the mask and find the darkness within? What happens when you see that they’re broken?

𝔞/𝔫: i'm sorry, but i AM SO PROUD OF THE BANNER I DID FOR THIS CHAPTER

tags:@kookaine |@fangirl125reader |@kookiebbyxx |@taradevonne

Kim Taehyung never thought he’d see you again.

He presses himself against the wall, petrified. Heart pounding in his throat. His stomach clenching and tying itself into a knot. His breath coming fast, he wonders if he's hallucinating.

He wonders if this is just a dream.

If he drank a bit too much last night.

Even though he only drank grape juice last night.

Even though he remembers the way Jimin kicked him out of bed this morning.

Nevertheless, he can't help wondering if he is somehow imagining this.

Because you can't be here right now. You just can't, it's too much of a coincidence.

Your face flashing into his mind, he tries to shake it away. Tries to reassure himself that he was just hallucinating, that you aren't here. But as he looks around the corner, and sees you staring at Jungkook in horror at what you had done, he knows that this is real.

Inwardly, he smiles thinking to himself, She is like this with everyone.

For some reason this makes his heart constrict in pain and he pauses to take in your face.

You have broken out of your trance, and are offering the towel to Jungkook with a sweet smile on your face.

The same way you smiled at him before.

Part of him wants to walk over there, and say hello. But another part, a larger part, feels as though that would do no good.

After all, he's already met you.

And you didn't recognize him.

Looking away almost sadly, he rests his head back against the wall, cursing himself.

How could he be so stupid? Normally he doesn't feel this way, normally he can keep these feelings in check.

Why should it matter to him if you look really pretty today? Why should he care if your quirkiness is adorable? Why should it bother him if you're talking to another guy? Why should he care that its Jungkook, of all people?

What should it matter to him?

He’s only met you once so how could he have all these complicated feelings already?

The sad truth is, that he does have these feelings.

And he doesn't know what to do with them. After all, you don't even remember him. And even if you did, you wouldn't know that it was him. You didn't even recognize him as he was standing there, mere feet away from you on the Hangang bridge.

He can still remember that moment. As he watched you, a strange girl, hop out of a taxi in the middle of the bridge. How you didn't even notice him standing there, watching with confused amusement. He can still feel the impact as you fell on top of him, in a tangle of arms and legs. The heartbeat in his ears as you rolled off of him and ended up mere inches from him on the ground.

And he can still remember the feeling that erupted in his chest as your eyes met.

Groaning, he runs his hand over his face before almost reluctantly peeking around the corner again. He watches as you hand Jungkook the coffee can and smile up at him brightly, the same way you smiled at Tae once before.

He tries to ignore the harsh tightening of his chest as he watches the encounter. He tries to tell himself that it doesn't bother him, that you are nothing to him.

Just a sweet stranger.

Just someone who brightened his life unlike it's ever been before.

At that thought, he finds himself unwilling to let you smile at anyone else except for him. Of course, you can smile at anyone the way you like. After all, to you, he’s no one, just a man who gave you his beret on a whim.

A man who didn't even tell you his name.

As Jungkook leaves, waving after you, Taehyung turns away. Behind the safety of his corner, he tries to build up his courage, ]to walk out there and meet you, face to face.

No mask, no lies, nothing between you two except who you are and how you feel.

But just as he steps out of his hiding space, taking a deep breath, someone taps him on the shoulder, causing him to let out a startled yelp.

The entire lobby turns to look his way at the sound, and he just barely manages to hide behind the corner before you look his way in curiosity.

Taehyung doesn't have to look to know that the one who hijacked his plan is Park Jimin.

He waits behind Taehyung smirking in amusement at his best friend's reaction. As he opens his mouth to say something, Taehyung places his hand expertly over Jimin's mouth, silencing all sound. Startled, Jimin’s eyes widen and he tries to speak, but all that results is incomprehensible muffled sounds from beneath Taehyung’s blockade.

Giving Jimin a harsh look, Taehyung motions for him to shut up. Jimin pouts in response before rolling his eyes as Tae frantically scans the room for you.

Spying you in the same place as before, he watches as you study the forms on the clipboard once more before heading to a seat in the small waiting room near the entrance. As soon as you sit down, behind a small clear wall, Taehyung lets out a relieved breath, sure that you won't notice him now.

He releases Jimin, who was once more struggling in Tae’s secure hold. Jimin backs up, gasping overdramatically for air. Taehyung rolls his eyes affectionately before shoving his friend lightly on the shoulder.

“Stop it.” Taehyung sighs, crossing his arms across his chest. “I hardly even touched you.”

Jimin pauses, like a cat caught in the middle of mischief. After looking side to side a bit guiltily, he straightens chuckling a bit to himself.

“Sorry, I couldn't help myself,” Jimin explains, and Taehyung rolls his eyes before turning around once more and staring at you.

He watches as you push back your hair, tucking it securely behind your ears so that it's out of the way. He smirks a bit at the gesture, finding it hilarious that no matter what you do, your hair can't seem to stop falling in front of your eyes. You're annoyed by it at first, but after a while, it becomes a habit for you to push it back out of your face.

“Who is that?” Tae jumps at the sound of Jimin's voice so close to his ear. As he turns on him suddenly, Jimin withdraws coolly from where he was previously peering curiously over Taehyung’s shoulder. He raises his eyebrow as Tae’s ears turn bright pink.

“What are you talking about?” he hisses, pushing Jimin back behind the safety of the corner wall. “I wasn't looking at anyone.”

Jimin raises an eyebrow, confused.

“Yes, you were. You were looking at that girl, right over there.” He says, a bit too loudly for Taehyung's liking, as he pokes his head around the corner, and points your way. Frantically, Taehyung grabs Jimin's arm, shoving it down to his side before dragging Jimin once more behind the wall.

“Will you stop it? I told you I wasn't looking at her, so please stop drawing attention to yourself!” Taehyung hisses and Jimin blinks a bit stunned.

Taehyung normally doesn't act like this.

He's normally much more easygoing. Normally, whenever Jimin is acting a bit obnoxious, Taehyung joins in. For some reason, however, today is not one of those days.

As Taehyung looks around the corner once more, Jimin stares at him in perplexed curiosity.

“Okay, fine, you weren't looking at her,” Jimin says, and Taehyung lets go of him almost in relief.

If anyone were able to read through Tae’s feelings, it would be Jimin.

Sometimes it's annoying how much the two of them know each other, sometimes it's reassuring knowing that you will always have that one person on your side even when no one else is.

Either way, all Tae knows is that he cannot let Jimin know his conflicting emotions.

Not when Taehyung doesn't know or make sense of them himself.

He resumes scouting out the area once more, watching as you finish one page and head onto another. You tilt your head back, exasperated with how long that took, and let out a tired sigh. Taehyung finds his heart warming up at the cute and funny way you wear every emotion on your sleeve, and smiles at your little sigh.

Jimin pokes his head over Tae’s shoulder once more, squinting his eyes at you. As soon as he gets a good look at your face, you turn to glance out the little window that lets you see into the entrance where you entered the building not too long ago.

Jimin’s eyes widen at the sight of your bright eyes and he lets out a sharp intake of breath.

Tae turns to him, confused as Jimin steps back, pulling out his phone and scrolling through his recent downloads in his camera roll.

“Jimin? What are you doing?” Jimin doesn't answer Tae’s question until he finds his prize and turns to him, excited.

“Look,” Jimin demands, shoving the screen into Tae’s face. Rolling his eyes, Taehyung patiently takes it from him and peers down at the phone closely. As soon as he sees the picture Jimin has shown to him, his eyes widen the same way and he spins on his heel to take another look at you once more. He compares the photo to you, over and over again before confirming that it is you.

The same photo Jaejin sent to RM earlier this morning.

“Where did you get this?” Taehyung asks, showing Jimin the photo almost accusingly as though Jimin hasn't seen it before. Jimin scoffs, taking the phone away from Taehyung and glancing at the picture himself, doing the same comparison game as Tae had.

“It's her, right?” Jimin asks, Tae letting out an impatient sigh.

“Yes.” He answers. “But how did you--”

“RM sent it to me.” Jimin's voice is calm, sly almost. As though he has a secret waiting to be spilled, and he’s going to hold on to it long enough for Tae to spill his own.

Surprised, Tae doesn't speak for a moment, just watching Jimin as he slowly turns around to him, a smirk on his face.

“Don't you want to know how he got it?” he teases, and Tae, quickly noticing Jimin’s game, shakes himself out of his surprise running his hands through his hair.

“I….” he trails off, trying to find an answer that will satisfy the question but also keep his secret safe. His connection to the strange girl, the way they met, and every unspeakable, inexplainable thing that she has done to his heart. He can't let Jimin know.

Nobody can know.

Luckily, Jimin isn't planning to hold it in for much longer. He was never one for keeping secrets that weren't his own. He smiles, shoving Taehyung lightly on the shoulder as he moves down the hallway.

“Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.” He murmurs, heading towards the elevator where he came from. Almost reluctantly, Taehyung turns away from you and follows Jimin in panic.

“What are you talking about? Tell anyone what?” he asks, jogging to catch up to Jimin.

“That you have a crush on Namjoon's new assistant.” Jimin teases, turning to him and smirking up at Taehyung.

“She’s RM’s new assistant?” Tae wonders softly, before catching himself and shaking his head violently. “Wait….I don't have a crush on her!”

Jimin snorts as they reach the elevator doors and he presses the button before waiting patiently for the doors to open.

“Then why were you staring at her?” he asks, and Tae sighs in frustration. Jimin has the wrong idea.

There’s no possible way for anyone to start loving another person from just one encounter. There is no such thing as love at first sight, that's just people trying to justify being happy with the one they have chosen to spend the rest of their lives for. It's a phrase people use to fool themselves into thinking that there is some sort of destiny for them to end up with another.

Taehyung doesn't believe in that, he never has. However, he doesn't know if Jimin will understand his interest in you. Tae doesn't think Jimin will understand the connection he felt when he first met you. When he first talked to you. He doesn't think anyone will.

“I….” He begins, Jimin raising an incredulous eyebrow as he waits for the answer.

“I just thought her outfit was cute and was curious as to who she was. You know, maybe I could talk to her. Welcome her, make a new friend.” Taehyung spits out a bit too fast. Though Jimin doesn't quite seem to buy it, he looks away, nodding his head.

“Okay, I’ll believe you, but I still think there’s something else going on with you.” Jimin consents, the ding of the elevator doors opening and capturing his attention for a moment.

“What are you talking about? Nothing is going on.” Taehyung ponders, sidestepping to the side, as a few staff members walk out of the elevator.

Jimin and Taehyung bow respectfully, the staff doing the same before they take their place inside the elevator. The doors closing, Jimin responds, reaching to press the floor number they want to take.

“Yes, there is. You're acting especially weird today, and I suspect it has something to do with that girl.” Tae opens his mouth to respond, but Jimin holds up his hand, cutting him off. “Before we get into a fight about it, I’m just going to say I’m not going to assume anything, okay? If you say nothing is going on, I’ll believe you. But Taehyung, you know you can trust me right?”

“Of course!” Taehyung answers almost immediately.

It's the truth, he knows he can trust Jimin. He knows that his friend is probably the most reliable person to trust. Jimin knows Tae inside out, front to back, they are connected in the most intricate ways possible. Taehyung does not doubt that if there's someone he needed to place his life in the hands of, it would be Jimin. It wouldn't be that difficult, after all, Jimin already holds his heart, his soul, his life. They are just that close, a different kind of brotherly love, one that not many people understand.

This, however, is uncharted territory in Taehyung's body, and if Taehyung can't make sense of it, then how can his soulmate do the same?

This...this is something different.

“Trust me, Jimin. Nothing is going on. I'm just curious.” Taehyung reassures him, and Jimin nods, a moment of silence shortly following. Taehyung can tell Jimin doesn't quite believe him, and Jimin knows that he’s not getting the whole truth.

It’s strange, they normally tell each other everything, no matter how big or small.

Jimin doesn't understand why now would be any different. What could be so special about that girl that Taehyung would keep something from him?

What is it about her that Jimin wouldn't understand?

Shaking his head out of his dangerous thoughts, Jimin clears his throat and smiles, shaking his phone in front of Taehyung once more.

“You never answered me.” He starts, the beginning of a chuckle awaiting deep in his throat. Taehyung turns to him from staring out into space, looking confused.

“What?”

“Didn't you want to know how RM got this picture?” Jimin asks once more, and Tae smiles, before nodding, and settling next to Jimin against the wall of the elevator.

Jimin smiles, once more comfortable with the person he trusts the most in all the world before pulling up the picture once more. Both of them snort as they see it, the expression on your face causing them to smile.

“Who even makes a face like that when they eat?” Tae comments and Jimin chuckles softly, tapping the picture with a small finger as a thought comes to his mind.

“It kind of reminds me of Suga, when he ate that huge bite of salad. Do you remember?” Jimin responds, glancing at Tae who nods as the image comes to mind, his huge box smile making Jimin burst out in laughter.

“Remember?! It's such an iconic moment that even ARMY’s remember it.” Tae responds, tilting the phone so he can peer closer at the picture. “Now that you mention it though, she does kind of look like him.”

Jimin and Tae erupt into laughter, hardly noticing the ding of the elevator as the doors slide open.

Glancing up, Jimin slides the phone into his pocket, hitting Tae lightly on the shoulder before they walk out of the elevator and down the hallway, heading for the meeting room where they’ll be meeting with the rest of BTS.

“Anyway, RM got it from Jaejin, his assistant manager.” Jimin continues, and Tae looks at him, surprised.

“Jaejin? Why would Jaejin be sending RM pictures of a girl? Is there something he’s not telling us?” Taehyung asks, half-joking, and Jimin laughs, shaking his head.

“No, Jae sent it to him because he and his girlfriend were invited to model for fashion week. They were called away for training and Jaejin told RM that his friend will be able to take his place until he is done.” Jimin explains and Taehyung nods, trying to ignore the sudden panic in his chest at the thought of working with you in the same building. Jimin shrugs when Taehyung doesn't say anything.

“That’s all I know, but I guess she’s going to be a part of the staff now, more or less. RM only got this picture so he would be able to recognize her when she came in. He's been waiting for her since 8 this morning.” Taehyung murmurs something incomprehensible as a response, not listening.

Once more, he finds himself distracted with thoughts of you.

He wants to know everything about you.

From the way you laugh to the way you cry, from your likes to your dislikes, and every different tone or volume your voice is capable of.

He wants to hear the innumerable amount of stories you must have. How you came to know Jaejin, and why you came to Korea in the first place.

He wants to study your face, memorize your expressions, be able to read you the same way he can read any one of the expressions of his fellow members.

He wants to be able to read your mind like Jimin can read his.

Like he can read everyone else’s.

But most of all, he wants to know you and only you.

Turning the corner, Jimin spies the door to the meeting room, opened slightly ajar, the rest of BTS already waiting for them. Jimin sort of bounces to the door, opening it for Taehyung, as he waits for Tae to catch up. Tae smirks, putting all thoughts of you out of his mind as best as he can.

Though he longs to build up the courage and speak to you without a mask covering his face, he knows that right now, that is not important. One day, maybe, he’ll be able to find out everything he wants to know. One day, maybe these feelings of his will be safe, understood.

Until then...

𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢: this is one of my more favorite chapters hehe. oh, and whoever guessed that the man in the mask was tae, you get a cookie ;)

chapter 9 here

check the Infinite Stars masterlist for more chapters

check my BTS masterlist for other BTS content

check out my masterlist for other kpop fanfics

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atlafan · 4 years

Text

The Real Him - One Shot

a/n: I’m not sure where this came from...a lot of this is sort of how I feel about writing, and reading, and how my brain works???? Hope you enjoy cause it’s fun! Book Writer!Harry x Y/N (not proofread)

Words: 9.6K

Warnings: Fluff, wee bit of angst, and smut

Books weren’t things Y/N found interesting. She hated reading the assigned books in high school for whatever English classes she had to take. She often would just read what she needed on Sparknotes, and that was enough. Then, in college, even if she wanted to read for leisure, she didn’t have the time. She had to read articles and academic journals constantly. By the time she was done for the day, the last thing she wanted to do was read.

Now, as a young adult living in the city, she noticed her anxiety was always worse at night. She lived alone in a little studio apartment, it had a wonderful view. She would watch TV or scroll on her phone until she fell asleep, but the screens were too much for her eyes. She knew it wasn’t good for her. Much to her friends’ shock, she texted them asking them for book recommendations. Y/N didn’t want to think too hard, she didn’t like scary stories, but she also liked a little bit of world building and romance. Fuck, if there was anything she loved, it was a good romance. Her friends told her about this young author they discovered whose stories were enthralling.

She took their word for it, and ordered one of his books off his website. He was self-published, which she found to be interesting. How good could he be if a major publication didn’t want him? She trusted her friends’ opinions though, so she went with it. He had this series called, The Unicorn in the Farmer’s Pool, that they raved about. She told herself she’d start with the first one and see how it goes. Sometimes Y/N had a hard time concentrating to even read a book, so she didn’t want to buy too many.

The title of the book itself was odd, but when she read the description she understood. Apparently, it was about this young woman, new to town, who was going for a walk with her younger sister, and one day they come across this beautiful old home and large farm. There was a pool in the back with one of those big unicorn floats, which they both found odd. They see the farmer outside, and the woman inquires about it. He explains that it’s his daughter’s. He and his wife were divorced, and she moved out to the city. Unfortunately, she passed away, so his little girl came home to live with him.

It was a certified slow burn, so when it came in the mail, Y/N couldn’t wait to get her hands on it. There was only one picture of the author, Harry Styles, on his website. The book, however, had a lovely picture of him on it. He even named his publication company after himself, trademarking HES Books. He was handsome, there was no denying that.

“Alright, let’s see how well this guy knows how to write thing from the perspective of a woman.” She says as she settles into her bed with the book.

For the first time in a long time, Y/N found a book that she just couldn’t put down. Sure, she passed out with it on her chest, but she’d get right back to it the next night. She was ripping through it. Her heart would race anytime the farmer and the woman had a scene together. She cried when he spoke about his divorce, and how he never slept knowing his daughter was so far away. He’d never wish his ex-wife ill, but he felt like it was fate to have his daughter home. He’d give her anything she wanted, even a giant unicorn float for the pool. Something she couldn’t have in the city. His daughter would paint his nails glittery colors, and he didn’t give a shit what anyone else thought of it. Y/N could feel her heart pounding as the woman slowly fell for him. They became fast friends but it was clear they wanted more, but they were both so scared.

“Oh, you son of a bitch.” She says to herself when she gets to the end of the book, it was a cliffhanger. They hadn’t even gotten together yet. They were caught in a rain storm, about to kiss, but they were interrupted. “Goddammit.” She groans and grabs her laptop to buy the rest of the series. “Welp, Mr. Styles, you now own my ass, I hope you’re happy.” She sticks her tongue out at his picture on his website.

By the time she finished the third book, she was inconsolable. It thrilling, but she knew it couldn’t be the end for the two who were now so in love with each other. She also couldn’t believe how well written their love scenes were, a little shocked there was a small dash of smut. She looked on his website and saw he was set to release the fourth and final book of the series soon, and there would be a big release for it. He would do a reading and signing. Y/N texted her friends and they all agreed they needed to go. They still couldn’t believe how much Y/N liked the series. It consumed her soul, she couldn’t get enough. She even bought his other standalone novels to read until the release.

Eliza: hey! HES just released the first book on audio, and he narrates it! Should hold us over until the release ;)

Y/N: holy fucking shit! Literally about to go download it, thanks!!!

Now this was a way to fall asleep, she thought. She plugged her earbuds into her phone, turned her light off, and hit play. She gasps the second she hears his voice.

“He’s British?!” She says to herself. “Dear god.”

His voice was deep and sultry, and sounded incredibly crisp through the audio. Each night for the rest of that week, she fell asleep to the sound of Harry’s voice; it was euphoric. She felt sort of weird for becoming as big of a fan of him that she was. It was like she was in high school again having a crush on some unattainable celebrity. She couldn’t even talk about him to anyone at work. It was like this big secret between her and her friends. Instead of listening to music in her office, she started listening to interviews or podcasts he was involved in. Anything to just get a better understanding for who he was or how his mind worked. She found that he was incredibly private, only tweeting or posting on Instagram from promotional purposes. A PR person most likely running the sites for him.

“Okay, I think I’m obsessed with him, like, it’s bad.” She tells her friends at brunch one Saturday morning. They would all try their best to get together a couple times a month.

“Welcome to the dark side.” Eliza says.

“I knew if we didn’t push you that you’d come around at some point to ask us for a book rec.” Melinda says.

“You could have just showed me his picture, he’s so handsome! I can’t wait to go to the signing. I wonder what type of suit he’ll wear. Maybe all black?”

“I heard he’s into florals lately.” Eliza says. “I’m glad we got our tickets when we did, it’s going to be packed.”

“Yeah, like, at least we’ll have seats for the reading.” Melinda says.

“I can’t believe we’re going to hear his voice in person. That audio book? Oh my god.” She pretends to fan herself. “I’ve been enjoying his other novels too. He has such a way with words, I can’t remember the last time I actually enjoyed a book this much. Maybe The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants?” She chuckles.

“Didn’t you read that in high school?!” Eliza laughs.

“Yeah!” Y/N laughs, and Melinda joins in. “I fucking hate reading. I wonder if he’ll ever sell the rights and have it turned into a movie or TV series.”

“People have been begging him. He said maybe once the fourth book has been out for a bit. He didn’t want to feel pressured, like, you know how with Game of Thrones the books didn’t come out fast enough for the series?” Melinda says.

“Oh yeah, that makes sense. I think a TV show would be good. Then they could take their time with it. The only thing is I can’t picture someone playing the farmer other than him.” Y/N sighs.

“Agreed.” Eliza says. “I can really only see him.”

“So, how are we dressing for the signing? I don’t wanna look desperate by dressing up too much.” Melinda says.

“Melinda…” Y/N starts chuckling. “You have a girlfriend.”

“I’m aware.” She swats a hand at Y/N. “But damn, Harry is too fine.”

Y/N curls the ends of her hair on the day of the signing. It was finally here, and she couldn’t be more excited. She found a cute yellow top to wear with some high waist jeans. She does some simple makeup, but makes sure to have her eyes pop. The rules were that people could only bring one book with them, so she grabs the first in the Unicorn series. She fully intended to buy the new book as well, and they said he would sign all new purchases too.

She meets Melinda and Eliza outside the bookstore where it would all be happening. They get in line to buy their new books, and head to their seats. They were able to snag tickets for the second row. He would be reading the first few chapters of the first book, and then would spend the rest of the time signing books.

“I’m so excited.” Y/N whispers to both of her friends.

A man comes out shortly to check the crowd of people waiting, and soon it’s announced that Harry would be coming out. Everyone stands up and claps for him. He was wearing a sleek black suit, and his hair was pushed back off his face. He looked bashful as he smiled out to everyone, and stood at the podium provided. Everyone sits back down as he clears his throat.

“Thank you all so much for being here. Whether you’re a new fan or if you’ve been with me for years, I appreciate your support. It feels surreal for this series to be over. I’ve loved these characters so much, and when I finished the final edits, it felt weird saying goodbye. I also want to say thanks for all the support with the first audio book. I fully intend to do one for the rest, it just takes a lot of time and editing, so hold tight for me, alright?” The crowd giggles, and his dimple grows deeper. He takes a sip of the water provided, and opens the book. “Let’s get started shall we?” He looks up at the audience who was waiting patiently. He makes eye contact with Y/N. It’s brief, but he looked at her…or at least she told herself he did.

His voice was just as smooth in person as it was on the audio. Y/N was swooning, barely paying attention to the words, but more so watching the way his lips moved. The way he’d lick his lips after getting a sip of water, and watching his Adam’s apple bob up and down. It all felt like a dream. He ended up reading five chapters instead of three, as a treat, until his manager came out to remind him to wrap it up.

“Right, well, I’ve been told I’m done speaking.” He chuckles. “I just need about ten minutes and I’ll be able to sign all your books. Thanks so much!”

He leaves as everyone claps for him again. Everyone gets in line and waits for him to return. There was a table waiting for him to sit at and a ton of markers.

“I wonder how long we’ll get with him. Like, a minute, right?” Eliza asks.

“Make every second count.” Y/N says.

“I’m gonna try to take a selfie.” Melinda says. “Then I’ll really remember it forever.”

As the girls got closer to the front of the line, Y/N felt herself getting nervous, and her palms were starting to sweat. She tries to wipe them on her jeans before she gets to him.

“Hello, love.” He smiles at her. “Whatcha bring f’me?”

“Huh?” She was so taken aback.

“Well, I know you didn’t come here to have me sign a body part…unless you did.” He shrugs. “Although, I don’t think my manager would appreciate that.” He winks at her and it makes her giggle.

“I have the first back, and the newest one.” She hands them both to him. “I have to say, I’m not really a big reader, but this really drew me in. I think I’ve fallen in love with reading for the first time in my life.”

“That’s like…I mean…wow, what a compliment, thanks.” He signs both of the books. “What’s your name?”

“Y/N.”

“Y/N.” He repeats as he continues to leave a nice note in both of her books. “You know pictures aren’t allowed, but if you turn around and happen to take a selfie they can’t stop you.” He points to the few guards.

Y/N turns around and takes a selfie with Harry. She turns back around and chuckles as she takes her books back.

“Thank you so much. I can’t wait for the next audio books.”

“You liked the first one?”

“Loved it.”

“So, it wasn’t weird listening to me for that long?”

“Not at all…” She starts blushing. “Your voice is sort of, um, soothing…I have a lot of anxiety at night, and, well, reading, and evening listening has helped me sleep a lot better. So, thanks again.” She smiles at him and he smiles back.

He wished he could hug her. He looks back at his manager, who just sighs at him and nods. Harry stands up from the table and walks around. Before she knew it, his arms were being wrapped around her. She got a whiff of his cologne, and she swore it was her new favorite smell in the world. She barely got a chance to put her hands on him before his manager said it was enough and Harry needed to get back to it.

“Sorry, that was just so endearing.” He lets go of her and sits back down. “Thanks for your support.”

Y/N steps aside and looks at her friends who were waiting for her to finish up. She looks back at Harry who was already talking to the next person. She sighs, knowing she was long forgotten already.

“Oh my god, I took a picture of him hugging you.” Eliza says. “What was it like? All he did was shake my hand.”

“He smelled so good.” Y/N whines. “Girls, let’s go out for drinks tonight. I need to get some energy out.”

“Great idea! We can drink and then dance the night away.” Melinda says. “What did he write in your books?”

“I don’t wanna look yet, I wanna save it.” Y/N smiles and holds her books close to her.

After grabbing dinner and dropping their books off at Y/N’s place, they all head to their favorite dance bar. They all get their drinks and stand near the bar to drink them. Y/N was happily sucking on her straw, swaying along to the fast beat of the music.

“Look, they actually roped off the VIP section.” Eliza points out. Y/N and Melinda turn to look.

“I wonder who’s here. Once in a while someone cool shows up.” Melinda says.

The group in the VIP section erupts into laughter, and the girls’ eyes grow wide. Harry was standing up from the booth, looking much more casual. He still had his dress pants and button up on, but his sleeves were pushed up, revealing his tattoos. He strides up to the bar as he shakes his head back at his friends. He brushes right by the girls, bumping into Y/N, causing her to spill her drink.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry, love.” He says to her, and then he looks her up and down. “Do I know you?” He slurs slightly.

“Um…we…we met earlier today. You signed my books.”

“I signed your what?!” The music was really loud, he must have thought she said something else.

“Books, books!” She really enunciates the k sound.

“Oh!” He bursts out laughing, and puts a hand on her shoulder. “I was gonna say, that sorta thing isn’t really my style. What are you drinking, I’ll get you a new one.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that. There’s still plenty in here.”

“Don’t be silly, I feel terrible. In fact,” He looks at Melinda and Eliza, and then to the bar tender. “Their next round’s on me. I also need another bottle of Patron for my table.”

“Coming right up!”

“Lost a bet with ‘em.” He rolls his eyes. “So the next bottle’s on me.” He shrugs.

“We’ll bring it over to you.” The bar tender says as she puts up three new drinks for you and your friends.

“You really didn’t have to do that.”

“S’the least I can do. Your support is the only reason why I can afford what I have. I should buy your drinks all night.” He smirks.

“Y/N.” Melinds grabs her shoulders and whispers in her ear. “Go for it, bitch, go for it. He’s hitting on you. We’ll be over there.”

She lets Y/N go and drags Eliza with her over to another part of the bar. Y/N grabs her drink and smiles at Harry.

“Your name’s Y/N, right?”

“You must have seen hundreds of people today, how’d you remember?”

“I’m really good with names.” He grins. “Do you want to join me and my friends?”

“What?!”

“Come on, seems like your friends are busy anyways.” He nods over to Melinda and Eliza where Melinda was working as a wing-man for Eliza. “They’re bringing over the Patron, you’ll love it.” He grabs her wrist and brings her over. One of the body guards raises his eyebrows. “I’m baacckk, let us in Mike.” Mike lifts the rope up and lets Harry and Y/N in. “Everyone this is Y/N, she’s got to be one of my biggest fans, so she’s joining us.” He pulls her down into the booth with him and puts his arm around her shoulders.

He was drunk, this was very clear. No one seemed bothered by her presence. Everyone was just happy to have refills for their drinks. Harry takes a shot of the Patron along with everyone else as Y/N sips on her drink. She felt bad, Eliza had to be a bigger fan of Harry, or at least she had been a fan longer…

“So, how’d you know he’d be here?” Harry’s manager, Jeff, asks.

“I didn’t.” She blushes. “My friends and I come here all the time.”

“Right, like we haven’t heard that one before.” Jeff smirks. “Some of you fangirls-“

“Oi! Don’t make fun, she’s cool.” Harry defends her.

“I can prove I’ve been here plenty of times.” Y/N takes her phone out and shows them her Facebook page. “There, you can see how many times I’ve checked in here. I only live a block away, so this tends to be the spot.”

“See, Jess, this is the spot.” Harry smirks, and knocks back another shot. “We’re being rude, here.” He slides a shot over to her. “Have as much as you like.”

“That’s okay, I have this.” She points to her glass.

“Oh, I knew I liked you, you’re so nice.” He pulls her a little closer to him. “But really, if you want any, you can have as much as you want, okay?”

“Thanks.”

Y/N sort of just sits there and tries to listen as each person talks, but the music was so loud, and she was itching to dance, especially now that she had a couple of drinks in her. She was drumming her fingers mindlessly on the table.

“Do you want to dance?” He whispers in her ear. A shiver goes up her spine. She looks up at him and nods. “Alright, let’s hit it then.”

She gets out of the booth and he quickly follows her out to the dance floor. At first it’s just light and playful, he keeps one hand in hers, but keeps a respectable distance. If Y/N was dancing with her friends right now she’d probably be popping her ass no problem. She sort of wished they were still around. She couldn’t remember the last time she danced with a guy. She looks at him and feels a little bold, so she hooks an arm around his neck and dances close to him. His hands move to her hips as she essentially grinds on his thigh. When the next song starts, she turns around to grind her ass against his pelvis. He presses forward against her and she can tell he’s very happy to be dancing with her.

“You said your place was only a block away?” He says into her ear, and she nods. “Wanna head there?”

She stops dancing and turns around to face him.

“Are you serious?” She raises an eyebrow at him.

“Sorry, too forward?”

“No…I just…um…yeah, let’s go back to mine.”

He smiles and throws his arm around her shoulders. He looks over at Jeff who was still sitting with their friends. He waves off to him, and heads out side with Y/N. Harry whistles for a cab, and one pulls up almost right away. They both get into the backseat, and Y/N gives the driver her address. Harry rubs circles into her shoulder. She rests her hand on his knee, as her leg shakes with nerves.

“You alright, love?”

“Mhm, yeah.” She doesn’t look at him.

“No need to be nervous, babe, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

She looks up at him now and smiles. She wanted to do everything with him. It was like every fantasy she had was coming to life. She had dreams about this, but never thought it would come true. The cab pulls up in front of Y/N’s building and they both get out of the cab. She keys into the front door and she leads him to the elevator.

“I’m surprised you’re not exhausted, must be draining to meet so many people.”

“Caught a second wind.” He winks at her. She giggles as they get off at her floor.

She leads him inside as she flips the lights on.

“It’s just a studio.”

“It’s nice, just enough space. You’ve got a great view.” He says as he walks over to the window.

“Yeah, I got really lucky.”

“Mind if I pull the curtains?”

“Not at all.”

She watches the muscles in his back flex as he reaches to pull the curtains closed. He turns to face her and walks over to where she is. He cups one of her cheeks and she leans into his touch.

“I have to be honest, I don’t usually do this.” He says.

“Do what? Hook up with a girl from a bar?” She smirks.

“No, hook up with a fan…” He sighs. “But what you said to me earlier about your anxiety and how my books have helped you, it stuck with me all day. I’m really glad I ran back into you. I got kinda nervous when you didn’t message me.”

“What? Why would I have?”

“I wrote my number in your book.” He lets go of her and steps back. “You didn’t read my notes?”

“No, I…I was saving them for when I was feeling down.” She admits, a little embarrassed. “Why did you put your number in it?”

“In case you ever needed someone to talk to…if you ever got sick of listening to the same story over and over. It was a little impulsive, but no one’s ever said anything like that to me before.”

“I’m surprised by that.”

“Usually people just tell me that they enjoyed it, or they try to flirt or something. It’s usually pretty hollow.” He shrugs. “But you…” He takes her hands in his. “Well…if you noticed, I didn’t really hug anyone else.”

“I did notice. You made me feel really special, Harry.”

“I’d like to keep making you feel that way…”

He releases her hands, and she wraps her arms around his neck. Her hands slide up through his curls, and she gets up on her tip toes while his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her close. His lips brush over hers, and she pulls his face closer to hers to deepen the kiss. She smiles against his lips which makes him smile and pull back.

“What is it?”

“I just…I can’t believe this is happening…” She presses her hips closer to his.

“You’ve thought about this before, with me?”

She nods her head yes and he smirks.

“Is that weird?” She asks, cheeks heating up from embarrassment.

“Who am I to judge what helps someone fall asleep at night?” His voice was low now, eyes darker than they were moments before.

Maybe this wasn’t something either of them should be doing while inebriated. But from lack of better judgement they start kissing again. His hands slide down to cup her ass, and his large hands give her a squeeze. She groans into his mouth, giving him the perfect excuse to lick into her. Her tongue molds to his, and she starts pushing him to walk back towards her bed. He happily lets her lead the way.

The back of his calves hit the bed, and he almost loses his balance. He sits down and brings her with him so she’s straddling his lap. Lips only breaking for a moment to get some air until they’re on each other again. Her hands lace through his hair and he groans when she tugs on him. His lips move to her jaw and then to just under her ear. She gasps when she feels him suck on the tender skin. Her hips roll down over his, and he smirks against her. He licks over the spot he was sucking on, and goes back for more. She grinds herself against him, feeling his bulge press up against where she needs it most. His lips move back to hers so he can nip at her bottom lip before looking at her.

“You want this?” He asks.

“Wouldn’t have said yes to coming back here if I didn’t.”

“You could have changed your mind between the bar and now.” He tucks some loose strands of hair behind her hair. “I meant what I said earlier, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I want to, do you?”

“I certainly didn’t change my mind.”

She smiles and leans in to kiss him again before getting off him. She reaches behind him quickly to snag one of her throw pillows to put on the floor. She sits up on her knees before him and reaches for his for the button on his dress pants. She looks up at him as he widens his legs for her. He wasn’t expecting a blow job, but he wasn’t one to turn it down. She pops the button and undoes his zipper. She reaches into his pants and palms him through his boxers first. His palms were flat on the bed, his arms keeping him up, but he can’t help but let his head fall back from her touch.

“Harry, look at me.”

He immediately does as she says so he can make eye contact with her.

“Is this okay? Can I take it out?”

“Yeah, please.”

She smiles and tugs his pants and boxers down slightly, he lifts his hips up to help her. He unbuttons his shirt while his dick slaps up against his lower stomach. She gazes up at him. Once his shirt is off, she can’t help but look over all his tattoos.

“You’re so…pretty.” She chuckles.

“Not as pretty as you.” He runs his hands through her hair, giving her a little encouragement to get started.

She blushes as her eyes fall to his hard cock, tip swollen and ready to go. She licks her right hand and gives him a few pumps first. He grunts as he watches her. She licks a stripe up from his base to his tip before she wraps her lips around him. His eyes flutter closed for a second, but he didn’t want to miss anything so he does his best to keep his eyes open to watch her work on him. She already had small droplets of spit rolling down her chin. Sloppy, he thinks to himself and he smirks. She sinks a little further down on him, testing herself to see how much she can take. He thrusts up slightly to meet her halfway and she gags on him, needing to pop off for a moment.

“Sorry, been a while.” She mumbles, and gets back on him.

“No worries, doing great, love.”

He helps keep her hair back as she starts to bob up and down on him. Her warm mouth felt so fucking good around him. She swallows around him before really hollowing her cheeks to suck on him. Her mouth moves up to his tip so she can lick away at his slit. She wraps a hand around him to pump him as she does this.

“Baby, baby, hold on.” He pants, and moves her face away from him. She looks up at him with big, innocent eyes that were slightly watery now. “I’ll come if you keep doing that.” He sounded almost out of the breath. She nods and stands up. His hands grips her hips and then slide to the button on her own jeans. “You’re sure?”

“Yes.” She says, taking off her shirt. He looks up at her and kisses on her chest as he undoes her pants.

He yanks them down her legs. He smiles at her mismatched set of underwear. She had worn a white bra with her yellow shirt, and a simple pair of blue panties with her jeans.

“I didn’t think, um, I would be…it was a girl’s night, and-“

“Do you really think I care about your underwear not matching?” He raises an eyebrow at her as he smirks.

She smiles and rests her hands on his shoulders as he kisses on her lower tummy. He stands up to kick his pants away, and lets her get on the bed. She lays on her back, propping herself up with her elbows. He crawls onto the bed and settles between her legs. His lips find hers as he grinds himself against her covered center. She bites her bottom lip, just wanting her underwear gone. He reaches behind her to unhook her bra. After a few seconds of fumbling he gets it, and watches the bra loosen around her. She pushes it off her shoulders, and tosses it to the ground. His hands cup her full breasts immediately. He kneads them and tweaks her nipples. She grinds her hips up towards his as they continue to move against each other. He dips his head down to kiss on her chest, and he rolls a nipple between his teeth. He works his way down her body and slides her underwear down her legs, tossing them aside where he feels like. She parts her legs for him.

He dips his down and licks from her center to her clit. He does this slowly but with precision. Her hips buck up towards him, encouraging him to keep going, so he does. He licks all around her until his lips are around her throbbing clit. He nibbles and sucks and flicks his tongue while his fingers explore her folds. Her hands were in his hair. She kept thinking she was going to wake up. Any minute now she would snap out of her dream. She would pinch her eyes closed and expect to see the morning sun creeping through her windows, but not this time. When she opened her eyes there he was, head between her legs, lapping away at her. The clouds covering the moon and night sky. He had her whimpering and tugging at his hair. He wanted her to come, but not yet, just get her to the brink. She pouts at him when he lifts his head. He licks his lips and smiles at her.

“Got any rubbers?”

“Mhm, in the bathroom, I can-“

“I got it, just tell me where.”

“The box in the cabinet below the sink.”

He pecks her lips before going into her little bathroom. He smirked to himself wondering how he might shower the next morning. He was taller than the showerhead. He bends down to open up the cabinet and spots the box of condoms. It was opened, but not many were missing. Not the he was one to judge. Harry hooked up a lot. He grabs a couple, just in case they feel like getting frisky again later on, and heads back out. He rips the foil packet open and slides it on over his length. She bites her bottom lip in anticipation.

“Tell me something,” He starts as he gets back on the bed, between her legs, hovering over her body. “When you had me in your thoughts was it ever like this?”

He rubs his tip against her clit, getting her to moan out. He pushes into her entrance but doesn’t go much further until he gets his answer. His eyebrows were raised, looking at her.

“This is usually the part when I’d wake up.” She whispers. “Before anything good could really happen.” She cups his cheek and runs her thumb over his cheekbone. “Please.”

He kisses her as he pushes the rest of the way inside her. They both groan. She was so wet, even with the condom on, it still felt amazing. He was nice and snug inside her. He moves slowly at first to not hurt her. He hooks an arm under one of her legs to bring it up a little higher. He wanted to get in as deep as possible. She clutches at his shoulders as he drives it in.

“Oh my god.” She gasps as his tip brushes her g-spot. “Jesus Christ.” She grits her teeth.

“Ever had anyone like this before?” He says into her ear.

“Never this deep, shit.”

He sits up and puts both of her legs over his shoulders. His fingers press bruises into her thighs as he holds onto her. She looks up at him as her mouth falls open. He was ramming into her and it felt so good to fuck like this. She didn’t want to be treated delicately. What he was doing was amazing, but her clit was missing the friction, so her hand slides down to rub at it.

“Fuck.” He breathes as he watches her touch herself. He lets go of one of her thighs and moves her hand aside so he can rub it for her. Her head rolls back the second she feels his thumb on her.

“Just like that.” She pants. “Don’t stop.”

He grunts his response as he continues to fuck her. He could feel her tightening around his cock and he knew she was close. He rubs her a little faster, and watches as her body contorts under his.

“Let go, come on, show me how you do it, Y/N.”

That pushes her over the edge. She cries out as she comes around him. He rubs her still, but slows his pace to help her through it. She tightens around him again as she comes down from her bliss. He drops her legs and pulls out. He sits up against her headboard and pulls her into his lap. He doesn’t have her face him, though, he has her sit on him facing away. Her head rolls back against his shoulder once she sinks down on him. She uses her knees to push herself up and down on his cock. He bites down on her shoulder, licks up to just under her ear to suck on the tender skin again. His hands find her bouncing breasts, and he kneads them.

“Harry.” She groans.

“Feels good, love?”

“So good.” She turns her head and sticks her tongue out slightly so he’ll kiss her. His tongue meets hers and they practically slobber all over each other as her pace quickens on him.

His hands slide down to her hips to help her. He thrusts up into her to get into a rhythm. He could feel his orgasm bubbling at the base of his spine.

“Fuck, oh my god.” He moans, which makes her moan. She tightens around him. He wanted her to come again, to come with him, so he rubs her clit while she continues to bounce him.

“Shit, fuck, Harry!”

They come at the same time, both of them crying out form the intensity. He gives her a second to catch her breath before he lifts her off of him. She gets up and quickly walks to the bathroom to clean herself up. He goes in after her to rid himself of the condom. She was about to throw on a t-shirt when he comes back out.

“Don’t bother.” He smirks.

“What do you mean?”

“It’ll just come off again.”

“Oh.” She blushes and puts it back into her dresser.

He gets on the bed with her and pulls her close to his chest. His fingers run up and down her back lightly, causing goosebumps to raise on her skin. She rests one of her legs on top of his, and wraps her arm around his torso. She wasn’t sure if she’d have the energy to fuck him again so soon, especially when the rhythm of his heart beat was lulling her to sleep. Her eyes flutter closed. He looks down at her and smiles when he sees her lips parted. He kisses the top of her head, and slowly falls asleep himself.

The next morning, Y/N wakes up cozy, head stuffed into her pillow, blankets wrapped around her. It was darker than usual. Her eyes flutter open and see the rain falling down. She hears it tapping delicately against her windows. It was a normal Sunday morning, or it would have been if she hadn’t completely forgotten there was a warm body wrapped around her. She rolls over slowly not to disturb the stranger. She gasps to herself when she sees it really is Harry Styles, not just some guy that looked like him. She really took him home with her and she really fucked him. He pulls her closer to her and she sighs.

“Your bed’s comfy.” He mutters.

“Thanks, I’ve got one of those foam pads under the sheets. Makes a world of difference.”

She feels his chest rumble as he chuckles. She feels him press a soft kiss to her forehead before pulling away slightly.

“Mind if I grab a shower?”

“Not at all.” She smiles up at him. “If you don’t mind smelling like my fruity shampoo, that is.”

“You’re funny.” He chuckles again and stretches as he sits up. He rubs his eyes, and gets out of the bed. Y/N couldn’t help but ogle his naked body as he walks away. He pops his head out of the door frame to look at her. “Are you coming?”

“Oh…you wanted me to-“

“Obviously.” He scoffs. “Wouldn’t mind fucking you again, either.”

Normally she’d wrap herself in a blanket, but if he was going to be bold, then so was she. So she gets out of bed and struts over towards him. She brushes her teeth quickly as he uses some mouth wash. She gets the water in the shower going.

“Does that head detach? I don’t know if I can crouch for that long.” He laughs.

“Yeah, it comes right off, don’t worry.” She pulls back the curtain and they both get in.

She helps him wash up, scrubs her nails over his head as she washes out the shampoo, and once they’re both clean, he hoists her up against the wall, and kisses her. She was plenty wet for him, and he smiles against her as he slips a finger inside her.

“You were ready f’me, hm?”

“Guess so.” She nips at his bottom lip, which delights him.

“Mind if I just slip it in like this and pull out after?”

“That’s fine.” She smiles. “Wouldn’t mind actually being able to feel you.”

“Christ.” He groans, and then pushes his hard cock inside her. Her head rolls back against the tile as his lips attack to her throat.

It was a nice, passionate morning fuck. When they’re done she gets him a towel, and wraps one around herself. He watches as she runs around to make her bed back up. It was a small apartment, so any clutter just made it look even smaller. He grabs his phone out of his pants pocket, and sighs.

“Alright?” She asks, sitting on the edge of her bed. He comes to sit down next to her.

“Yeah, just a ton of missed calls and texts. Thought I made it pretty clear to Jeff I wouldn’t be coming back to the hotel last night.”

“Do you have a plane to catch or anything?”

“Not today, tomorrow though.”

She watches as he types away to respond to the dozen or so texts he had form various people.

“Would you like any coffee or anything? Juice?”

“Just a black coffee would be perfect if it’s not too much trouble, love.”

“Coming right up.”

His eyes flicker up to watch her bum and hips sway as she walks into the kitchen area. She fills up her Keurig to get his coffee going.

“No cream or sugar, just black?”

“Please.” He smiles. “Thanks.”

She nods and gets a mug down from her cabinet to place under the machine. She thinks he’s talking to her for a moment, but when she looks over she can see he’s on the phone.

“I’m not sure when I’ll be back. I’m well aware, thanks.” He sighs and shakes his head. “I’m allowed to go out and have some fun.” He crosses a leg over the other so he can rest his elbow on his thigh, propping his chin up with his palm. “She’s making me a cup of coffee, is that alright? No, I don’t just carry those in my back pocket…” He rolls his eyes. “I’ll take care of it. Alright, bye.”

She comes over to him with a mug for him, and one for herself. She added a bit of cream to hers. She just couldn’t do black coffee.

“Thank you so much, feel like I’m about to get a headache.” He says, taking the mug from her, smacking his lips after he takes a sip.

“I have some aspirin if you need some.”

“Caffeine should work just fine, but thank you.”

“So, uh, not that I was listening in or anything, just, small space and all, but what don’t you carry around in your back pocket?”

“Oh.” He chuckles. “An NDA, that’s all. Jeff’s gonna email one over to me any second I’m sure.”

“What do you need an NDA for?”

“It’s not for me, it’s for you.” She looks at him deeply confused. “I’m a very private person, and not that I think you’re the type to go around spouting your business, it’s just, well, you’re a fan and…”

“You need me to sign an NDA so I won’t tell anyone we fucked?”

“Basically, yeah. Sorry if that makes things a little awkward. It’s just to keep my personal life personal, that’s all.” He takes another sip of the coffee. “This is really good, what brand is this?”

“Green Mountain Coffee…it comes from Vermont.”

“It’s delicious, I’ll have to look into it.” He smiles, although she can tell she’s starting to feel uneasy. She’s painfully aware that this was just a drunk hookup, a one night stand. “Are you alright?” He puts a hand on her knee.

“M’fine, just a bit groggy.” She sips her own coffee.

“Well, I’m starved, you’ve gotta be too, right? What a good place to grab some breakfast around here?” He stands up and starts looking for his clothes.

“Um…there’s a place right down the street.”

“We’ll have to take a cab unless you have a really big umbrella.” He smirks as he pulls his boxers on.

“Do I have to sign an agreement saying I won’t talk about breakfast too, or?”

Harry sighs as he pulls his pants on. She looks at him as she sips her coffee.

“Guess I’ll find out when I read the fine print.” She stands up and walks back over to her kitchen area. He follows her there with his mug and sticks it in the sink.

“Why is it such a big deal?”

“It’s not, I just…I mean…what do you think I’m going to do? Go onto a blog and spill every detail about last night? As if I could remember every little thing.” She scoffs and rinses out her mug.

“You easily could. You have to understand, sometimes when stories slip or people feel like they know things about you, it’s harder to get deals or make business decisions. I want to be taken seriously, so I don’t post personal things on social media, and I have the people I hook up with sign NDA’s.”

“Well, maybe I should have you sign one for me then.” She says, crossing her arms. He raises an eyebrow at her. “How do I know our night together won’t be inspiration for your next love scenes? You’re quite descriptive in your works. You must take from real life when you’re writing those things.”

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll text Jeff and have him email me two, one for each of us. I won’t talk about you and you won’t talk about me. Now, can we please go get some breakfast?”

“Why do you even want to go anywhere with me if you’re so scared of people finding out?” She walks over to her dresser to pick out an outfit she wouldn’t mind getting wet in the rain.

“It’s one thing to be seen with someone at a diner, it’s another to have what you’re like in the bedroom aired out to millions of people.”

“It’ll be obvious we slept together. My neck is littered with kiss marks.” She taps over one of the spots. He watches as she wriggles a pair of panties up her legs, and then a pair of jeans. “You’re also wearing your clothes from last night.” She tosses him his button up.

“I don’t suppose you have a large t-shirt I could throw on?”

“I’m sure I could find one.” She find a bra and t-shirt of her own, and then rummages through her pajama drawer for one of her larger bed shirts. “Here.” She hands him the shirt. He puts it on and looks down at it.

“Cute.” He smiles. “You can keep mine, and I’ll keep this one, how’s that sound?”

“Guess I’m just glad that’s not my favorite one.” She grabs her raincoat and umbrella. She furrows her brows and then remembers where her rubber boots on. “Could you order an uber or something?”

“Sure.”

They get down to the street, and head into the car he ordered. The diner was busy when they got there, but since it was just the two of them, they didn’t have to wait long to be seated. Harry’s phone pings with the email from Jeff.

“So…I just need to digitally sign it?”

“Mhm.” He hands his phone over to her so she can read over everything. He rests his chin on his palm. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen someone read over it so diligently before.”

“I’m a lawyer.” She mumbles.

“No shit.” He sits up, suddenly even more intrigued with her. “Good for you.”

“Well, I’m in law school, and I work as a para at a law firm, but I’m getting there.” She says as she uses her finger to sign her life away. “I’d like to read the one he sent to you for me.”

“Just swipe to the next email.”

She nods and looks it over. It was the same as her. She hands him back his phone and watches him sign it.

“I’d like both copies emailed over to me.”

“Alright, what’s your email?”

“I’ll put it in.” She takes his phone back and puts her information in, sending herself the copies. “There.” She crosses her arms. “Happy?”

“Yes, actually.”

A waitress comes over to them, and they both order scrambled eggs with bacon, potatoes, and toast. It’s quiet between them for a few moments. She looks out the window to watch the rain fall, and then looks back at him. He was twiddling his thumbs in his lap.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?” He looks up at her.

“What am I doing here with you? You could have easily slipped out this morning, even last night…”

“I’m not that kind of guy.”

“So…what is this, a consolation before we never see each other again?”

“No.”

“Then what is this?! I feel like I’m not even looking at a real person. I’ve wanted to meet you for so long, and I would have killed for the opportunity to sit down and have breakfast with you. I have so many questions about your work, and-“

“So, ask me.”

“What?”

“Ask me all your questions. What can I answer that I haven’t already in an interview? You wanna know my thought process? Where and what I get inspired by? How long it takes me to write a book, a chapter even? I only have bullshit answers, to be honest. I keep notes on my phone for when I get inspired, and then when I’m able to be at my computer I’ll type for hours without stopping. It’s like I blackout or something. It feels like I didn’t even take a second to blink. I’ll work on multiple projects at the same time too. I have three other books I’m currently working, all with completely different topics and characters. I can’t shut my brain off, ever. I don’t know why I’m like this. Even when I go on a vacation to unplug, I have to keep a notebook with me to write things down. I started writing because I just needed to get everything out of my head. I feel a huge sense of relief when I’m done with a piece so I can just move on from it. I had to start my own publication because my content was going to be put in the same category as Fifty Shades, and I didn’t want that. Luckily, Jeff went to school for PR, and he helped me out, and now he’s my manager. He’s the best there is, but sometimes it would be nice to fuck a pretty girl and take her to breakfast without having to worry about every little thing.”

Before Y/N can respond their food is brought over. They both thank the waitress. She picks her for up and plays with her potatoes before looking at him.

“Not to mention, said pretty girl told me how much my work means to her, how it helps her sleep at night. Fuck, I mean, I thought I was going to melt into a fucking puddle right there. My anxiety gets bad at night too, I knew exactly where you were coming from, babe. I can’t tell you how many nights I try to go to sleep and can’t, so I just get up and go back to my computer until I pass out in my chair.” He blinks at her, as she still says nothing. “Are you…not going to say anything?”

“I’m not sure what to say, I’m trying to take in everything you said and match it to the person you were yesterday at that signing. It’s an act, right? Your cool demeanor?”

“I have a stage presence for sure.” He sighs, and takes a bite of his bacon. “What am I gonna do, get up there and tell everyone that the fourth book took so long because I had to have surgery for carpal tunnel?”

“For someone who likes to be so private, you’re sure telling me a lot of personal things.”

“You signed something saying you wouldn’t discuss any of this, so I feel a little freer to explain myself. Have I totally ruined your perception of me? Is this a never meet your hero sort of moment?”

“Not at all.” She smiles. “You seem comfortable with me, which is nice. I like that I’m seeing this side of you, you’re more than just the suave guy I’ve seen in interviews, or listening to on podcasts. You’re a person, just like me.”

“Exactly, so you understand why I might want some privacy.”

“I do.” She nods and finally takes a bite of her food. “I’m sorry if I got a little pissy about it.”

“Don’t be, it’s always an awkward conversation to have.”

“So, how many women do you hook up with exactly? You’re making yourself sound like a player.” She chuckles.

“I mean…I’m a guy who has needs. I’m not gonna lie, I probably do it a little too much, but I don’t usually spend this much time with the person, or if I do…well…it’s not usually like this.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to actually have a conversation with you.” He shrugs. “You peaked my interest.”

“Clearly.” She smirks.

“At least I’ve never rubbed one out to the thought of a famous person.” He smirks back.

“Oh, I’m sorry, do you consider yourself famous?” She grins at him. “And I haven’t rubbed one out, it’s usually just a dream. Don’t flatter yourself, Harry.” She shakes her head.

“My bad, so I’ll just assume you get that wet for every guy you hook up with?”

Where was this conversation going, and why was it happening in such a public place? Was he trying to rile her up?

“I don’t think this is appropriate to talk about right now.” She whispers harshly.

He smirks and continues eating. They look at each other occasionally as they eat. The waitress comes over with the bill, and Harry throws some cash down on the table.

“Let me pay the tip at least.” She says, reaching for her purse.

“Don’t be silly, I put plenty down for the tip. I’ve got it.” He puts his hand over hers. “Seems like the rain’s stopped, wanna walk back?”

“Do you not need to be anywhere?”

“Nope.” He smiles. “Today’s my free day, isn’t that nice? I’ve got a plane to catch tomorrow morning, and that’s all I have to worry about. So, I’m more than happy to walk you back home.”

She nods and follows him out of the diner.

“So, do I only get your email, or do I get your number too?”

“Why, so you can hit me up whenever you’re in the city?”

“Precisely.” He nudges her as she laughs. “Come on, I gave you mine.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t even look…I would have been so embarrassed, you would have forgotten all about me. I don’t even know if I would have even had the courage to message you.”

“I wouldn’t have forgotten you.”

“Did you manager know you just gave your number out like that?”

“God no, he’d murder me.” Harry chuckles. “Jeff’s great, but he’s way too serious.”

“So, maybe I’ll message you sometime.”

“I prefer chatting on the phone, to be honest.”

“Why’s that?”

“Anyone can send a text, but a phone is, like, I don’t know, it’s romantic.”

“Romantic?”

“Yeah, like, a phone is something you really need to make time for.”

She pouts at him and looks at him with big eyes. They stop once they’re in front of her building.

“I come back to the city in two weeks, I really would like to see you again.”

“What are you coming back for?”

“Another signing. This one sold out, and I felt bad. I think anyone who wants to see me should.” He shrugs. “I wouldn’t have anything that I do if it weren’t for the people who supported me.”

“That’s sweet.” She smiles. “Okay, I guess we could see each other again.”

“Great, just make sure you call me, okay? Then I can call you, and we’ll just be two people calling each other sometimes.” He blushes.

“Why are you so romantic?” She laughs and wraps her arms around his waist.

“I wish I knew. It’s a blessing and a curse, I think.” He sighs and cups her cheeks. He leans in and kisses her, she happily kisses him back and pulls him closer.

“Do you, um, need to go back to your hotel now?”

“Not necessarily, what’d you have in mind?” He raises an eyebrow at her. She leans up and whispers in his ear, making his cheeks grow hotter. He looks at her, a little stunned. “I definitely have time for that.”

“I figured you would.” She winks at him and yanks him into her building.

She wasn’t ready to let go of him just yet. Everything still felt like a dream, only better. Even when Harry had to go off to his next signing, she slept better than she ever had. She called him late one night, much to his surprise, and they spoke for hours. She didn’t have to listen to the same words over and over to fall asleep, she had him, the real him.

#harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles y/n #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles smut

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kyber-crystal · 4 years

Text

Maybe It’s Meant To Be

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: ~3.7k

Summary: Sometimes, love finds people in unexpected ways. In this case, fate has extra special plans for America’s golden boy and one of SHIELD’s best agents in history. And you know there’s no running away from fate once she’s set out your futures for you.

Warnings: mentions of violence and blood, angst, and once again, soft steve :)

A/N: I haven’t attempted a soulmate AU in over a year. this is one of my fav works but it’s really poorly written rip. The age gap between you and Steve is ~3 years. 2017 AU where they made up after the Accords :) Steve’s back with his WS look bc that suit was hot af

Tags: @pies-writes-and-more this is for you! THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS BEING SO ACTIVE ON MY BLOG AND FOR YOUR SWEET AND SUPER ENCOURAGING WORDS. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. AND @marvelsswansong BECAUSE YOU'RE MY IDOL AND I LOOK UP TO YOU YOU'RE AMAZING

Soulmates.

You'd heard plenty about them growing up. Seeing your parents' perfect relationship blossom over the years piqued your interest, and for the longest time, your only wish was to find someone who could love you with their whole heart and soul and mind, like the way your Mom and Dad loved each other.

Unfortunately, as all stories must come to an end, love stories had to find their ending. And not all of them ended on a high note.

Their jobs should've kept them apart from the beginning. Your mother was head surgeon at one of the best hospitals in Brooklyn, and your father was head of SHIELD's navy division. Constantly out and about, they were rarely granted any time to rest. Yet they still found a way to make things work; and it all started because of a run-in at a café around the corner.

Then when you were fifteen, you got word that your father had been deployed overseas again, but this time, he wasn't coming back.

You had to stand there and watch your mother slowly fall apart, breaking down a little more each day until she fell gravely ill. A mere week after her diagnosis of cardiomyopathy, she passed away in her sleep.

A person's soulmark didn't appear at a specific time. It could show up at any point in their lives, when the Gods believed the time was right for them. When those Gods felt the time was right for you to find out who it was, you'd feel a slight tingle where the mark was etched into your skin.

Some people didn't receive the soulmark at all. Along with this came a sense of freedom to fall in love with whoever they pleased, but often times it would end in a loveless relationship. But they were additionally granted the ability of being able to carry on by themselves.

If your soulmate got injured in any way, you would feel the same pain that they endured. And if they died, you would carry a weight around with you for the rest of your life that slowly progressed into a disease. So ultimately, those left in the world without their soulmate would also die in the end, further proving the claim of humans being unable to live without love.

One by one, you watched your friends find their match. They would excited come up to you, goofy grins on their faces as they showed you their marks. You were happy for them in the beginning, of course. But as years went by, and you passed adulthood with still no sign of your designated soulmark, you slowly began losing hope. There was no point in looking forward to the future when you watched one fall apart before your very eyes.

Maybe it was because of your job. None of the Avengers had received their soulmarks either, asides from Tony and Pepper. But they were an exception. Everyone could see it coming from the day they first met, judging by the way they lovingly gazed at each other from across the room. It was a match made in heaven.

You believed that maybe, just maybe, you were destined to be alone. So when you woke up one morning with the burn mark on your wrist, you were taken completely by surprise.

"Hey, Tony? Bruce?" you asked, walking into the lab with a frown. "I need to ask you guys a quick question."

"Ask away, Killer," Tony nodded, using the nickname he'd given you years ago when you first joined the initiative. "What's on your mind?"

"So, um..." you fiddled with the sleeve of your sweatshirt for a moment, before pulling it up to reveal the mark, "this happened."

"That's a soulmark," he stated.

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock," you rolled your eyes. "But why would it appear now? I don't see any sign of me meeting them anytime soon."

"When did it appear?"

"I don't know. I woke up this morning and saw it."

"Let me take a look at that," Bruce carefully took ahold of your wrist, squinting as he adjusted his glasses to peer at the mark, "huh. So it appeared last night...have you felt any side-effects?"

"Not that I know of yet, no..."

"If you start feeling any severe symptoms, I can prescribe you some medication to deal with the pain, though I doubt that's going to happen. In the meantime, we need to figure out who this could be."

"Imagine if it was someone who already died, and I'm slowly dying right now," you joked.

"No, if that were to be true, you'd be lying in a hospital bed right now."

"Does the symbol have any specific meaning?"

"That I'm not so sure about," Tony shrugged.

Bruce was silent as he began typing away for a bit, before turning the screen over to you.

"I've checked out over a dozen different sites about this, and..."

"And what?"

"Well...once both people discover their mark, they have a week to find each other before both of them disappear off the face of the earth, forever."

"Sounds like a damn time bomb to me," you muttered. "What the hell? I thought that the point of this whole thing was the gods trying to push us with someone else! Not the other way around!"

"I don't know, Y/N," Bruce sighed. "Feel free to do your own research, but everything I've read up on so far says the same thing."

"So basically, what you're telling me is I'm gonna die if I don't find out who the hell has this same mark as I do," you repeated.

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Well, I'll have to worry about that later. Got a briefing with Cap, Bucky, and Wilson in five. Fury's gonna kill me if I'm late again," you breathed out as you tugged your hoodie's sleeve back down. "See ya."

"Agent Y/N," Nick Fury gave you a curt nod as you burst into the meeting room, breathless. "I hope you slept well last night."

"Of course."

"I need you four to track down a weapons dealer in Skagway," he explained as he handed Steve a black manila file folder, "shut down the base, download the intel onto the flashdrive. You’ll be staying at a safe house in Juneau afterwards for about a week to keep things on the down-low in case something goes wrong. Simple in-and-out job."

"When are we leaving?" Sam questioned.

"You're taking off in half an hour. Suit up."

You sighed. Finding your soulmate would just have to wait, then.

...

"Y/N, look out!"

You quickly whipped around and narrowly missed a bullet whizzing past you, as Steve tugged you around the corner, an arm wrapped firmly around your torso as he hid you both behind his shield.

You gasped as you felt a sharp pain in your chest, and Steve immediately pulled away from you in alarm, gripping your shoulders worriedly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you panted, trying to steady your rapid breathing, “I’m fine. But we’re gonna have to split up from here if we wanna get the job done faster.”

“Y/N, I can’t-”

“Steve,” you interrupted, the firm tone of voice making him immediately shut up. “I can handle myself just fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure! Go find Sam and Bucky, and I’ll meet you guys by the rendezvous point as soon as I’m done. Okay?”

“Alright.” He looked around for a moment before stepping away, as if he was hesitant to leave you on your own.

Ignoring the slight ache in your chest, you parted ways, darting down the hall with your guns up and ears alert.

From there, it was easy to fall into your usual routine. Keep all eyes and ears open; don’t hesitate, shoot on sight unless ordered otherwise. If necessary, engage powers but if not, use your fists or bullets. The mantra repeated itself over and over in your head as you followed through with your job.

You hid behind a tower of wooden crates, back pressed up against the steel walls. “Sam. Status update?”

“Controls room with Barnes, disabling all security systems. Steve’s retrieving intel from the north wing. You?”

“Outside on standby,” you murmured, keeping a finger pressed to your ear. Three technicians were loading equipment onto crates as the other six stood guard several yards away. “I make nine hostiles on the load dock straight ahead at twelve o’clock. Three dozen in total scattered around the area. Most likely preparing for an overseas arms trade. We’ll have to stop them.”

“And...done. We’re heading your way,” Bucky reported. “Be there in three.”

“Roger that.”

Exactly three minutes and two seconds later Bucky showed up, with Steve and Sam in tow. You came out from your hiding spot and began making your way towards the loading dock where the agents were stationed. They were quick to stop what they were doing and noticed the four of you approaching, whipping their snipers out and proceeding to open fire.

...

Your breath came out in white wisps of fog as you got caught in between a fistfight with one of the three dozen men on the docks, the freezing cold slowing all your movements and making them feel more sluggish than usual. If it weren’t for the thick material of your suit and your enhancements, you would’ve succumbed to the harsh weather hours ago.

The man captured you into a tight headlock with his thick arm but despite your frostbite you were too fast; you quickly whipped around and grabbed his wrist, twisting it to the side. His eyes widened slightly as he cried out in pain, the sickening crunch of bone echoing through the frigid Alaskan air as you swiftly dodged each one of moves as he attempted to come at you, countering with a sharp right hook to his jaw.

His body slumped to the ground with a thump.

“Why the hell do you even carry around a sniper if your fists do all the work for you?” Sam yelled over the cacophony as he released Redwing, swooping down from the rooftops. “Seriously, you don’t need guns! You’re strong enough as it is!”

“I prefer versatility in fights, Wilson!” you yelled back, grunting as you dodged a blow to the stomach, sweeping out your attacker’s feet from underneath him as his head smacked against the wall, before sliding down to the ground with a dull thud.

“Y/N, look out-” Bucky called out, but it was too late. You didn’t get to hear his warning in time before you felt something cold and hard hit your lower abdomen. A yell of pain ripped through your throat as you felt a sticky warmth spread across your skin, your knees hitting the ground as you clutched the wound.

At that exact moment, Steve felt a sharp pain flare up his side as well. “Shit,” he cursed to himself, “Buck, cover me so I can get to her.”

You were barely clinging on to life by the time he reached you. Your breathing was heavy and labored, your eyes beginning to roll back as you struggled to stay awake. Everything hurt. Your arms and legs felt like they were weighed down with bricks. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t open your mouth to scream, either - you had no energy left to do so.

“Come on, Y/N, stay with me, please stay with me,” he muttered as he began carefully applying pressure to your wound. You let out a hiss of pain at the same time he did. “Just hang in there for me, please. Sam’s getting the Quinjet ready. We’re gonna get out of here in just a few minutes, okay? Please don’t die on me.”

“Look, if I don’t make it-”

“Don’t say that,” he spoke in between clenched teeth while fighting back tears of his own, “you’re not going to die. Not today, not tomorrow, and certainly not on my watch.”

“Steve…” you croaked out, the stinging from the wound almost becoming impossible to bear. Your eyes were becoming heavier by the second, your body throbbing painfully now that all the adrenaline had worn off. It was a struggle just to take in a single breath and to stay awake. "I'm so tired, I can't do this anymore..."

He disappeared from your line of sight as your began seeing spots at the edges of your vision momentarily, before reappearing and pulling you into his lap, trying to put pressure on the area of injury again in an attempt to stem the bleeding. But it didn’t seem to work. There was so much blood. So much of it, coming out so fast. There was no way you’d last out here for longer than ten minutes before bleeding to death.

"Stay with me..." he murmured as he looked up around him. "Hang in there for a few more minutes, please…Damn it, Sam, how much longer is this gonna take? Y/N’s down. We gotta get her to the safe house as soon as we can. She’s bleeding out.”

"Three minutes, tops. I’m circling the perimeter as an extra precaution," Sam replied. "You guys hang tight for a sec."

"We don't have time!" he raised his voice. "Just hurry the hell over here."

"I'm so sorry," you choked out before going into a coughing fit, blood dripping down your lips and chin much to Steve’s alarm. "I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry for being reckless and not keeping a look ou—"

"Shhh, it's okay," he soothed, "There’s nothing to be sorry about. Just save your energy for later, okay? You're gonna be just fine."

"Hold my hand," you begged hoarsely.

"I already am," the super-soldier answered, but his look shifted to that of an alarmed one when he realized you couldn't feel it. "Y/N—"

"I'm cold," you said weakly, already feeling your limbs grow heavy and numb and your vision growing blurrier with each passing second. "I'm so tired, Cap, I just wanna sleep—"

"No no no, please don't leave me," he pleaded as he felt his head begin to spin as well. Where had the sudden wave of dizziness come from? "Hang in there for a little longer, please, I l—"

You didn’t get to hear the rest of his sentence before your eyes fluttered shut and everything went dark.

...

When you came to, your throat felt dry and raw, the metallic taste of dried blood around your lips and chin overwhelming your senses as you adjusted your eyes to the harsh bright lights streaming into the room. It looked like you were in some sort of antique coastal house, strangely void of belongings with the only decoration being a plain floral calendar hung on the wall opposite you, above the fireplace.

You were still in your suit, but your wound had been treated and wrapped up in a thick set of bandages. The couch you were on was old but extremely comfortable, so you found yourself not wanting to sit up at the same time you wanted to get up and look around.

The blinds were drawn shut, but the sunlight still managed to shine through. It was light outside, but you weren’t sure what time it really was. The walls were a dull grey, and if you listened hard enough you could hear the faint ticking of a nearby clock and probably Bucky or Sam talking on the phone upstairs with someone in hushed whispers.

You finally pulled yourself up into a sitting position, glancing around at your surroundings. Someone quietly entered the living room and you looked up to see Steve. His shoulders sagged in relief upon seeing that you were awake.

“Hey,” his voice came out so softly it took both of you by surprise. You moved over slightly to make room for him to sit. “How are you feeling?”

“Like crap,” you groaned lightly, feeling a dull ache in your stomach where you’d been hit. “But other than that, I’m fine. What about you? Did you get hurt anywhere?”

“Body aches that come and go, but I’m fine. It isn’t your place to be worrying about me right now though, Y/N. You got shot.”

The curtains fluttered and a cool breeze rushed in, making you shiver. Steve took notice and stood up to go light up the fireplace, then sat back down and wrapped the fleece blanket around your body. You let out a small sigh of contentment. “Thanks.”

“Are you sure you’re alright? You knocked out for over twenty-six hours .”

“I’m fine, Steve, just tired...hey, how’s Bucky and Sam?”

“Sam’s upstairs radioing Fury on the mission status. Bucky’s taking a nap in the guest room.”

“Oh. Okay. So, I-” you were interrupted by a sharp stabbing sensation in your wrist. “Ow. Fuck.”

“Language,” he joked lightly, but when he saw the obvious pained expression on your face, his face fell. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just...I get those random pains from time to time. I don’t know why, but...they’ve gotten worse since we took off for Skagway and then came here...”

“I’m so sorry,” he apologized, eyes glassy with unshed tears, “I should’ve kept a closer watch over you. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s mine...I should’ve watched my own back better.”

You both fell into an awkward silence for several minutes before he spoke up again, the realization finally dawning on him.

"Y/N."

"What?"

"Your wrist."

Your brows furrowed in confusion as you looked down and saw the star glowing brightly, sending a white-hot pain down your arm. "What about it?"

Steve pulled at his shirt's sleeve for a few seconds before lifting it up to reveal the same exact symbol.

"We're soulmates," you breathed out, the realization hitting you like a flash flood.

"Yeah, I guess we are, huh," he smiled softly.

“W-when did yours appear?”

“Monday afternoon.”

“Mine appeared in the morning...I showed it to Tony and Bruce and they said I had a week to find who it was or both me and my soulmate would die. So I guess we got lucky, huh? Only four more days, then...”

“Yeah, we did,” he exhaled. “I’m glad you’re the one. I can’t imagine living out the rest of my life with anyone else.”

“But Peggy...”

“She found her soulmate decades ago,” he explained, “which explained why our relationship was so short-lived. I didn’t expect to find mine...especially not after coming out of the ice. Maybe I had this coming from the get-go, I’d wonder...”

“Then how come they’d appear now?” Your brows furrowed together in confusion. “I don’t get it. We’ve known each other for years.”

“Because it was only this year that I accepted it.”

“Accepted what?”

“That I’d fallen in love with you, and I kept that inside for far too long.”

“You...what?” You were officially rendered speechless.

“Yeah,” he chuckled lightly, face breaking into a gorgeous, million-dollar grin before turning serious again, lowering his voice. “Y/N, I’m in love with you. You are my infinity and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re my present and my future, and I hate that I couldn’t see that sooner. I should’ve known from the start that Peggy and I wouldn’t work out, but I never understood why...until I met you. I didn’t believe in the concept of soulmates because I felt I was undeserving of that love, but then you came along...and I started hoping and praying I’d find someone who’d love me as much as I love you. So now that I know for sure it’s you, that it always has been and always will be...I couldn’t be more happier that you’re my soulmate.”

You didn’t realize you were crying until he reached forward to brush your hair away from your face and wipe the stray tears that fell, before wrapping an arm around you and gently pulling you towards him.

“God, I made you cry, I’m so sorry,” he choked on a sob of his own. “I’m the worst.”

“I’m not mad at you, Steve,” you sniffed as you wiped your nose with your sleeve, and looked up and cracked a small grin. “You’re just so cheesy.”

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered, so quiet you almost didn’t catch what he said.

“You can kiss me any day, Captain,” you smiled.

“I love you more than you know.”

“I know. I love you too.”

He then brought a hand up to cup your face, allowing his thumb to lightly skim against your cheek, his warm breath fanning against your skin.

When his lips met yours, it was like you were turning back the clock. Everything in the world stopped and held its breath, and all the hurt, all the sadness and heartache and pain bottled up inside your body, washed away.

...

BONUS

“HOLY SHIT, Y’ALL ARE SOULMATES?”

The sound of Sam’s screeching made you finally break apart for air. You could’ve been like that for two minutes, two hours, or two weeks, you weren’t sure.

You blushed and quickly averted your gaze.

Steve’s face was as red as a tomato. “Yeah. We are.”

“I KNEW IT! I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GONNA HAPPEN BETWEEN THEM SOON! PAY UP, BARNES! YOU OWE ME TWENTY BUCKS.”

“Come on, man,” Bucky groaned, reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a crumpled twenty-dollar bill. “We’re gonna head back home soon, anyways! And you’re not even poor.”

“A bet’s a bet, Barnes.”

“Of course you two bet on it,” you groaned. “Classic Sambucky activity.”

...

NINE MONTHS LATER

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride, Captain Rogers,” Fury announced, a rare smile gracing his normally stoic features.

Steve did his best not to break down sobbing as he slid the ring onto your finger. With the backdrop of the waves gently crashing against the shore and the sun slowly sinking lower and lower into the horizon, he leaned down and cupped your face in his hands, passionately pressing his lips to yours. Your soulmarks glowed brightly in tandem, lighting up in a brilliant gold hue.

Needless to say, there wasn’t a single dry eye in the house.

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rachelsheart · 3 years

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10 Signs You’re a Shaman & Don’t Know It

As I feel indebted to the shamans who saw themselves in me and helped me understand why I have always felt like I don’t belong in mainstream medicine, the intention of this article is to respectfully honor the shamanic tradition, and not to violate it in any way.

Because modern culture doesn’t have a role for the shamanic archetype, many people who grow up outside indigenous villages are shamans and don’t know it. Many naturally wind up in overtly healing professions, such as medicine, psychology, or life coaching. But some wind up in professions where they may feel like they don’t fit in at all. Even those who enter the healing professions may feel out of place, because the systems of Western medicine and psychology leave little room for a shaman to practice his or her natural healing art. But many will wind up in various forms of sacred activism, healing the planet, for example, rather than healing people.

Are you a shaman and you don’t know it? Here are some telltale signs that you might fit the archetype.

1. You sense that you’re meant to participate in the global shift in consciousness that is currently underway.

We can all feel it, this impending shift that New Agers have talked about for decades. But those with the shamanic archetype don’t just feel it, they feel it pulling them, like a magnet, towards leadership positions that help facilitate this transformation of human consciousness and evolution of the species.

2. You’ve been through a difficult initiation, which has prepared you for this leadership role.

In indigenous cultures, the village knew who the shaman was because he or she was struck by lightning and survived. In modern culture, you may not literally be struck by lightning, but you may have survived some other life or heart-threatening ordeal. You may have experienced childhood abuse, sexual violence, a near-death experience, or some other trauma that put you through the crucible and forged you into the healing earth shaman you are becoming.

3. You are an introvert.

Shamans are multi-dimensional beings who dance between the realms of the seen and unseen worlds, so if you’re of the shamanic archetype, you may have a hard time navigating the 3D realms of this dimension, which may cause you to withdraw into yourself so you can visit the realms of consciousness where you feel most at home.

4. You feel most at home in nature.

The shamans of a culture are the bridges between nature and humans, serving as translators between the mountains, oceans, rivers, animals, and people. You may sense that nature is talking to you or that you get your most tuned in downloads when you are surrounded by the natural world.

5. You’re very sensitive.

You may feels things others don’t feel, see things others don’t see, hear things others don’t hear, smell things others don’t smell, and sense things others don’t sense. This may make it hard for you to be out in public, where you may feel accosted by over-stimulation of your senses. If you embody the shamanic archetype, it’s likely that you’re the kind of person others may feel is “too sensitive.” But this sensitivity is a blessing. It’s part of your gift.

6. You feel a sort of spiritual calling to ease the suffering of people, animals, and nature.

Many health care providers are called to medicine the way priests are called to the priesthood. But you don’t have to be a health care provider to have the shamanic archetype. It may transmute itself into healing service to animals, sacred activist causes, or conservation of Mother Earth.

7. Physical ailments that fall under the category of “shaman sickness.”

In the indigenous cultures, shamans who have been called to service but haven’t yet said “yes” to the call often wind up struck with physical ailments. In modern culture, these shamanic sicknesses may fall into difficult to treat categories like chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, chronic Lyme disease, chronic pain disorders, and autoimmune disorders. Acceptance of the call to shamanic service often resolves the symptoms of shaman sickness. If you’re suffering from one of these illnesses, ask yourself, “Am I a shaman who hasn’t said yes to my calling yet?”

8. You tend to have vivid dreams.

The unseen realm may be communicating with you through your dreams, so try analyzing your dreams. Pay particular attention to any animal totems that may appear in your dreams. Google search the animal and “spirit totem” and see if you can find any messages from the animals in your dreams. Or try a Jungian analysis, like the one described here.

9. You may discover unusual spiritual superpowers, or what the yogis call “siddhis.”

You might be psychic. You might get healing visions like the one in my previous post about the meeting of Western medicine and Shamanism. You might realize that you can heal people with your hands or that you can telepathically communicate with animals, people, or even inanimate objects.

10. You’ve always felt like you don’t quite belong anywhere, because you are a bridge.

Shamans tend to live on the outskirts of the village for a reason. They are not like the others – and this is a blessing! In village life, this is understood and recognized. But in the modern world, it may leave those with the shamanic archetype feeling like they don’t ever fit in. But don’t despair. You DO fit in. Your role is essential. You may find that you fit in best with others who share this shamanic archetype. Among your fellow shamans, you will feel like you are with family.

Embrace Your Bridge Work

Because shamans are always operating between worlds, you may find that you’re connecting mainstream culture and the culture that wants to be born in the new consciousness, and this may feel uncomfortable, as if you don’t quite fit in. When I realized that I am a bridge between mainstream medicine and the new world of medicine that is being co-created by others who share the shamanic archetype, it brought me such a profound sense of relief! This relief is shared by the health care providers who participate in the Whole Health Medicine Institute, which I founded for doctors and other stealth shamans. If you’re one of those bridge workers, please know that you belong with all the other stealth shamans in this program, designed to merge medicine and spirituality, and we’re enrolling for the 2016 class now.

About The Author

Helen Noronha

Hi there! I am someone who if given the option can read books all day, without even sleeping. I love binging on TV shows, with Game of Thrones being my favorite (duh!). Apart from that, I am passionate about writing and can write anytime and anywhere.

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Five Ways Carl Jung Led Us to the “Inner Life”

Lying behind much of the way we talk about the inner life today is the work of the Swiss psychologist C. G. Jung. He revolutionized how we discuss dreams and archetypes and gave us our words “introvert,” “extravert” and “synchronicity.” However, what made him a true psychological pioneer was that he looked inside himself in a way that is still unique today.

#1) Dreams

From earliest beginnings of human civilization, we have considered dreams a doorway to the soul. Jung saw that they showed us parts of ourselves that were being rejected by our waking consciousness: strengths unexpressed and shadow figures run amok; qualities that we were missing about ourselves; and desires that we’d rather not acknowledge. The mission of dreams was to balance us, to compensate for our often one-sided attitude toward life and lead us to integrate what we need for health and growth. We know today that dreams can have messages for us that are not only psychologically relevant, but even biologically urgent, relaying information about illness. Jung introduced the term “wholeness” to describe the aim of the unconscious: the further filling out of ourselves; an increasing completeness in the unique being that we are.

#2) Personality Types

Jung saw the differing pathways in our personalities. He observed that some people got energy from interacting with people, while others were drained by it. Introvert or extravert, intuitive or sensate, thinking or feeling; he described these differing forms as Psychological Types and they led to today’s MBTI categories. In normalizing different kinds of personality, Jung helped us to get over our natural biases against other types.

While he recognized variety in human personality, Jung believed that there was no one-size-fits-all approach to therapy. He saw each individual as having a unique blueprint for growth, an untold inner story, and he knew – from his own experience – that one man’s medicine is another’s poison.

“The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.” – C. G. Jung

#3) Archetypes

Jung also saw that the unconscious sometimes conveys information beyond the personal. He saw that the dreams of his patients sometimes echoed mythological motifs from far-flung foreign cultures. He saw the action of peoples’ lives following forms depicted in Greek tragedy. He discovered ancient, even timeless, pathways that energy flowed into: toward some things and away from others, attracted to some things, repulsed by others. This level of the psyche is beyond the personal and Jung called it the collective unconscious.

“I thought of Jung as a noetic archeologist, [he] provided maps of the unconscious.” – Terence McKenna

The collective unconscious shows us eternal, dynamic qualities in our nature: they are alive and timeless. One of these archetypes is our inner opposite sex figure and soul guide–what Jung called the Anima or Animus. We encounter it both in our dreams and when just the right person walks up to us and we fall in love at first sight. Even though we experience this figure through others, but it is ultimately up to us to integrate it for ourselves.

Once we’ve learned to recognize these archetypes, we see them throughout classic literature and film and even in modern sitcoms. However, we may not really discover them for ourselves until we’ve been battered and bruised and are wondering how we got into this mess (again). Usually we need a little help to gain sight of these figures in our own lives.

“You don’t see something until you have the right metaphor to let you perceive it.” – Robert Stetson Shaw

#4) Synchronicity

Jung’s psychology is only really understood when it is a lived experience, and nothing exemplifies this more than the mystery of synchronicity. Jung coined the term synchronicity to refer to extraordinary moments when outer happenings reflect inner states. What we see in such a coincidence of events is a meaningful interplay alive in our reality. The notion that there’s a deeper principle actually operating in the world can be frightening to people from a culture that believes that it’s the only conscious force in the universe. Yet at the same time, discovering that there’s more going on can be experienced as a profound relief. In order to get through our resistance to such experiences, it helps to hear others’ stories and share our own (and you can do so here). Incorporating the meaning of these experiences for ourselves requires something authentic from us – a real inner change, the genuine achievement of a new attitude.

Helen

RachelsHeart

#shaman #shamanicjourney #shamanism

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anachrosims · 3 years

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Personal Note:

This is copied from a post on my Patreon, which is public here.

The following is the same text, just edited for brevity here on Tumblr.

I have to admit that I'm not going to finish everything to things posted tonight (Saturday).

I also want to note that I am very, very sorry that I haven't put out more content this month. I always want to do what I can to be worth your time and money--I want to do right by the people who are helping support these creative endeavors.

As some of you who have been patrons since last fall may know, I was unemployed for a year, and faced homelessness by February/March of this year if I wasn't able to find employment. [Luckily] I eventually found employment essentially on the year anniversary of leaving my last job, and have been in training since. This week was my first week out of training, and it's been... a lot, but in a very good way. [...] I'm happy that things are different, I'm just... in flux.

[...]

I don't say this to beg for sympathy, or to manipulate anyone into staying as my patrons. I simply want to let you all know the truth, that I am in a time of adjustment in my life, and have certainly not taken your support for granted.

I'm honestly very sorry my output just hasn't been that high this month. I've been working with Peebs to get the Gorgeous Georgians CAS stuff done, and most of it will actually go out Sunday, 1/31, as will the Gorgeous Georgians Add-ons set. Next weekend the other half of the set will come out, and then it's time for the final home stretch of working on finishing the GG Build part.

I think I'm going to set up some polls to see how y'all want content to be issued from now on, whether in monthly batches or as it becomes available, so keep your eyes peeled for that. I also need to spend some time thinking about taking better care of myself, about not putting myself under high stakes pressure--at work, I've found myself stressing so much to the point that it's caused muscle spasms in my back (related to a spinal injury I had five years ago that caused permanent damage). And I've even found myself stressing about not doing right by y'all. And at the end of the day, not even the job that pays my rent and bills is worth that level of stress. So. I just want to arrange things so that I can still do something I enjoy, while still doing right by the people who choose to show support (monetary and otherwise) for that effort.

Finally, I'm going to overhaul the Patreon page at some point with pretty graphics and of course, the following stipulation:

If you decide, for any reason at all, to unsubscribe, please send me a message here on Patreon. You do NOT have to tell me why you've unsubscribed! I don't need to know. Frankly, it isn't my business. But messaging me will help me keep track of you so that I can send you any CC I upload for the next month.

I know this may seem counter-intuitive in terms of patron rewards and making money, but...... I'm not here for the money (though it has certainly helped me get back on my feet financially). It is a gesture to prove that I want to do right by my subscribers and by the community as a whole. I wouldn't be here, doing this, if it weren't for the community itself and the lovely people in it. I also want to communicate that I do not harbor any ill will toward people who don't subscribe to this Patreon page, or to those who choose to leave it, or have to leave it for financial reasons.

Thank you, again, all of you--subscribers, onlookers, friends, strangers.

As ever, your feedback is extremely important to me, so don't be afraid to shoot me a message here on Patreon or on Tumblr.

Take care of yourselves, and look forward to downloads tomorrow and next weekend.

x x x

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livefordrama · 3 years

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Reviewing Dramas I Have Watched Part 8

Again, here is my rating system: 1- Did not like, 2- Enjoyed but probably wouldn’t watch again, 3- Enjoyed and would watch some episodes again/may watch again, 4- Enjoyed and would watch again, 5- Loved

Korean Drama

My Strange Hero: 4

Trigger Warning: Suicide, Bullying, Verbal and Emotional Abuse

My Strange Hero is about a man named Bok-su (which stands for revenge), who was falsely accused by his friend and girl friend of shoving his friend off the school roof and expelled from high school. Now nine years later, he gets the opportunity to return to school but he isn’t just going to go back nicely, seeing the seemingly cozy lives those who betrayed him are living he decides to enact his revenge by proving how corrupt the high school and the people working in it are. However, his plans for revenge get more difficult to achieve when he begins to fall for his ex-girlfriend once again.

This show was cute and interesting, it made me mad and lot and Yoo Seung-ho never disappoints. I ended up watching it in less than a week with studying and all so it draws you in really fast. I absolutely loved the realistic factor of not having to forgive everyone for a good ending and to move on. Many shows, kdrama or otherwise, make characters forgive even those who did horrible things to them just for a good ending, and it’s not always that simple nor do you owe those who did horrible things to you an apology to be a good person and move on looking at you Missing Nine. However my main complaint with it is that the ending isn’t as impactful or satisfying as the ending three episodes previous. I’m glad they had the three ending episodes because the other characters got more closure, I just wish they would have made it as impactful as the ending of episode 29. It is about thirty minutes an episode so it’s a really fun and interesting watch if you need something on the shorter side. I highly recommend!

Love Alarm (Season 1): 3

Trigger Warning: Bullying, Suicide, PTSD, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Abuse

Love Alarm deals with the concept of having an app that can read your emotions and alerts your phone when you are in 10 meters of someone who loves you or alerts your crushes phone if they are within the 10 meters. It follows Jojo, a girl with a mysterious and sad past, who can’t download Love Alarm because of her phone. She is in an unhappy relationship and begins to have feelings for the new student. After being kind to a student, he gives her the phone and she can finally download it only to find that love is a lot more complicated than she originally expected.

Okay, I started this show because the new season was coming out and everyone was freaking out about it. I had been avoiding it all this time because I love Song Kang and have been following his work since his smaller roles, hoping he would get bigger roles. I was so excited when I first heard he would be the main here but couldn’t ever bring myself to watch it cause I don’t like romance love triangles and already knew he was playing the webtoon second lead which made it worse. Plus I have a trauma with anything that has Kim So-Hyun in it. I adore her acting, she is so good, too good. She just always plays in really sad, dark Kdramas and I always like the second leads in her shows so I just get sad and angry when I watch her shows. I at the time just didn’t feel like dealing with being annoyed and finally got in the mood to watch a cheesy love triangle romance. *spoiler alert* I can confidentially say that while no character and no ship is necessarily healthy, I do prefer Sun-ho to Hye-yeong. No, not because he is played by Song Kang, in the first few episodes I hated his character. I wanted to punch him so badly, but with all his immature flaws he did do some mature things. He told Hye-yeong to not fight over Jojo and to let her pick which I loved because, shows like to have the two people fight amongst themselves who gets the crush and that’s so stupid to me, Jojo is a person with feelings too and she might not like either so I loved that he said that. I also loved that instead of telling Hye-yeong not to pursue Jojo because he still loved her, he told Jojo to stay away from Hye-yeong so that he wouldn’t be hurt by her like Sun-ho was. He still loved her but his friend came first, and I felt horrible when he lost almost everyone who genuinely loved him. Hye-yeong is okay, but he isn’t even a healthier option, he literally stalks her all the time without her even knowing about it, he memorized her daily routine, where he’s going to college so he could move there to be around her, it’s just too creepy to me. Yes, Sun-oh stalked her too and that is not okay at all, but he made his presence known so that she can voice if she was uncomfortable or knew to call someone if she felt threatened, Hye-yeong sneaks around and doesn’t even talk to her and that’s super creepy to me. I just think they are both immature and personally with some growth I think Sun-oh is more fitting than Hye-yeong cause the two really do seem like they are in love with each other while Jojo and Hye-yeong seem like a crush that will turn out to be more platonic. I know it’s wishful thinking but that’s just my hopes. *spoiler over* I did really love this show actually, sometimes you just need a trashy dramatic romance. Yes, it had toxic behaviors but I still liked it, it felt like a realistic teenage couple in high school (minus Mr. Stalkery Stalks.) I think that not everything has to be analyzed, I enjoyed the cute romantic scenes at face value, even though I knew they weren’t healthy. If it happened to me in real life, I would have punched a bitch but it’s fun to watch on a screen.

Blood: 2

Trigger Warnings: Blood, Suicide, Terminal illness, Murder, Abuse.

Blood is about a surgeon who is also a vampire. He tries to control his vampire self and help humans while working on a way to make himself human. When he transfers to a new hospital things take a turn for the weird as the patients of the new ward start exhibiting symptoms he is all too familiar with.

Blood was really good for the first two thirds of the series. I watched it before I found out about the main couples real life situation but continued to enjoy it because it’s none of my business what they do in their personal lives (so please don’t message or leave comments about that situation or your opinions on it.) Both couples were super cute and there were some plot twists that admittedly got me. I liked the story line and the idea that vampires were viruses that doctors were researching in secret. I really got hooked for most of the story; however, the last few episodes felt almost like they switched writers and the new writer had never watched the previous episodes. Comments were made that never were brought up again, like the thirty minutes of vaguely discussing his parents and who he was as an infectee that was never even slightly brushed upon for the rest of the episodes let alone resolved. Not to mention that last episode was a total mess and the ending sucked. The last two episodes are not canon in my mind that’s how weirdly out of place for the show they felt, it was like a 180. The ending was so confusing and I just really hated how it all played out. Because of this, I give the show a 2 cause I did enjoy it a lot but I won’t watch it again. Once of that was enough.

Legend Hero: 4

Legend Hero, also known as Legend Hero Samgugjeon or Legends Heroes the Three Kingdoms, is about people who compete in a dream battle to acquire their ultimate dream. The main character acquired three spirit helpers which help him in combat by transforming him into an armored knight with special power, and later befriends angels who help him in the battles by boosting this power. He has to fight friend and foe alike to achieve his ultimate dream but that begs the question, is a dream really worth it?

I really enjoyed this show, it was admittedly difficult to get into at first but once I did, I was hooked. The characters were so cute and endearing, the plot had humor, angst, and fluff alike. The acting was a little silly at points but it was made for kids so it’s a little overdramatic. It was all around a very entertaining watch, I watched the whole series while on vacation during the resting hours when my family and I were lazing around the hotel and it was such a refreshing, happy, lazy watch. I highly recommend for those who enjoy a happy watch when they just wish to relax.

Web-Drama/Mini-Series

Power Rangers Dino Force Brave: 4

Power Rangers Dino Force Brave, while technically a sequel to the super sentai series, is a original stand alone production and sSouth Korean take on the power rangers series. While the power rangers finally enjoy the peace that had come to the earth, a new threat is brewing. The Neo-Deboth Army has arrived looking for the power of the dinosaur king, the power ranger once more have to come together to defeat this threat.

This show was super interesting and cute. I have never seen any of the power ranger series so I am entirely inexperienced when it comes to their world. However, I can confidentially say this is a good stand alone as I was not confused while watching it. The first episode got recommended to me on youtube and since I was bored and unsure of what to do, I decided to watch it. I believe I finished the whole series in only a few days. It was super cute and I liked how ironic and silly the ending was with all the characters, including the evil ones dancing together. I’m sure die hard power rangers fans hated that but as someone who knows nothing about the series, I found it quite hilarious. The plot itself was entertaining and cool, it had some angst moments and some cute moments. I loved the ending, but that’s all I will say about that.

Founder of Diabolism Q: 3

Founder of Diabolism Q is simply snippets of cute or funny scenes from the book that didn’t make it into the series or at least not in as much detail. It follows many characters in small, five minute long episodes and the shenanigans they get in to.

Founder of Diabolism Q was super cute! I have watched The Untamed and read some of the book but haven’t watch the actual anime yet. Still, I decided to watch this short series. I watched each episode as it came out and loved every one. There isn’t much to say on it though, other than it was super cute and if you love The Untamed or its adaptions, I highly recommend. Just make sure you watch or read one of the full adaptions first otherwise you will be very confused.

Imaginary Cat: 4

Trigger Warning: Depression, Suicide, Vomit, Illness, Death

Imaginary Cat is about an aspiring webtoon artist who, after loosing his crush and falling into a depression, finds a cat in an alley and takes her in. He is able to recover from the loss and get back into writing when he meets a girl who is obsessed with cats especially after she lost her kitten as a child. He is just trying to get his webtoon accepted and she just wants to get close to him and his cat.

This was such a cute little easy watch, but was really sad at some points throughout the series. I teared up through some scenes and laughed so hard through others. I also related a lot to how the main plays with his cat, especially when said cat wants none of it. It was a really nice mini-drama to watch in the very little time I had between studying and moving house. I thoroughly enjoyed it and would highly recommend to those who want a easy watch that’s a little sad and very cute.

Korean Movies

The Magician: 4

Trigger Warning: Blood, Abuse, Drugs, Suicide Attempt, Murder, Death

The Magician is set in the Joseon Era and follows the famous magician, Hwan-hee. He along with his blind friend Bo-eum ran away from their abusive caretaker as children and are still worrying about being found by him even to this day as they perform to keep their livelihoods. Meanwhile a noble lady who was sold to the Qing dynasty comes to town. The two end up running into each other and quickly fall in love, however they both have to overcome the obstacles in their way in order to be together.

I loved this movie, I had to pause a few times just to process how much I personally enjoyed it. I wish I was able to watch it in a better quality because I never once saw how his one eye was blue, I just took their word and the movie poster for it. Unfortunately, it was the only place I could find to watch so I took what I could. The only reason I am giving it a four instead of a five is the ending sucked. I hated the ending. It just felt unnecessary and honestly really pissed me off. I don’t always need a happy ending but I also didn’t need that kind of ending either. I would still recommend it to those who like angst with some romance and a open-ish ending.

Seondal The Man Who Sells the River: 5

Trigger Warnings: Blood, Death, Vomit, Gore

Seondal is supposedly a comedy about a group of swindlers who become fast family after escaping from a war they were drafted in. They work together to swindle their way into riches and out of dangerous situations. They gained a huge name in the Joseon dynasty for even swindling the king. However, after tragedy strikes, they decide to do their greatest job yet, sell a river of fake gold.

The movie was really good, both funny and heartbreaking. My friend and I watched it together thinking it would be a nice comedy after we watched some sad kdrama earlier that week however, it was most certainly not. We both ended up crying and raging. So just be warned it claims to be a comedy and it is hilarious for the first half of the movie, however it quickly turns dark so fast you are just sitting their in shock wondering what happened. I thought Xiumin’s acting was great and his character was adorable. I had not seen his acting before and he easily became a favorite. The movie’s plot and writing kept you engaged and entertained throughout and the ending was great in my opinion. Overall it was a really good watch, I have seen it twice now and thoroughly enjoyed it. I highly recommend to those who enjoy both comedy and angst.

#kdrama review #review #kdrama #my strange hero #love alarm #founder of diabolism q #founder of diabolism #the untamed #the grandmaster of demonic cultivation #Imaginary cat #The magician #blood #seondal the man who sells the river #power rangers #power rangers dino force brave #legend hero #legend hero samgugjeon #legends heroes the three kingdoms

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nerdiebird · 4 years

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Open Letter from Joel Birch

“This is, in actual fact, my open letter.

There will be a few people out there that may jump to a particular conclusion regarding some of the lyrics on our new record, however, I felt I needed to be as open as I have been in the past, and explain myself. As you may or may not know, I am responsible for all of the lyrics in Amity. I can’t even play a chord on a guitar or hit the drums in time, so fortunately I am at least competent, (although I’m sure there are detractors out there who think otherwise), at writing lyrics.

During the course of Amity, suicide and self harm have been prevalent topics; all the way back to High Hopes which had the cringe-worthy, corny lyrics of ‘please stop cutting yourself’ we have engaged with our listeners as much as possible, to convey a positive message. There was an overwhelmingly large amount of people - wait, I should say percentage of people - coming to our shows that had evidence of self harm, and that was distressing from the get go. There is a tendency for the style we play, and a lot of other sub genres that compose the laundry list of styles out there, to have dark imagery associated with the music. Sometimes this is in jest, sometimes it’s meaningless, and sometimes it is an open window to people’s psyche. Whatever the case, a lot of people who get into this music often times have had to deal with mental illness either themselves, or dealt with it in their circle of friends.

Over the past decade there has been a slow - a very slow - move to a greater public awareness, but I can say that when we first started seeing it manifest itself physically at our shows, awareness was quite low, and intolerance and avoidance quite high. Anyway, I am prone to ramble, so I’d better get to the point a little faster. We’ve grown in stature since High Hopes, we play to more people, more people listen to our music on the radio, downloading it, whatever - and thusly, more people have become aware of my own struggles with depression and anxiety over the years. I have had clinically diagnosed depression for the better part of a decade, but when I dealt with it in my teens, I was told that everyone feels the same etc, if you have any experience with it I’m sure you’ve heard similar sentiments. Over the years, due to the increase in listeners, there has also been a steady increase of communication between myself and said listeners. This started out easy enough for me to deal with, as there were only a few people who would approach me after we’d played, we’d have a quick chat, and off they went.

Since Chasing Ghosts however, there has been a significant increase in letters, messages, and conversations between myself and you guys, and sometimes the messages and letters are extremely heavy, emotionally. I’m not made of stone, and being someone who suffers from the same problems, this has led to some extreme insecurities, personally.

I don’t feel equipped to properly handle some of these notes. I’m not professionally trained to give the necessary advice, and so a lot of the time I’m left scrambling for words to stop people from feeling so down, they really want to kill themselves. This hits hard for me, I feel extremely helpless, I don’t know what to do; I’ve lost many nights of sleep over urgent messages that I don’t know how to respond to. Let me be clear: I do not want anyone to feel like they can’t write to me, that’s not what this is about, I just need to explain the lyrics that discuss this problem on our record. I am glad that sometimes a few lines of encouragement to seek advice is all that’s needed, but sometimes I know that I haven’t done enough, and what’s worse than that, is that I don’t even know how to do more. I wrote Don’t Lean On Me especially to deal with this; I am dealing with depression and anxiety, and so I can fully empathise with everyone out there that has it, to whichever degree they are dealing with it, but I remain inadequate as an advicegiver.

I just need people to know that when a message is written to me, it doesn’t just roll off my back like water. I have felt physically ill in the past after reading some letters, just hearing the sheer desperation in the tone of them is enough to bring tears to my eyes, and still, time after time, I don’t know how to adequately reply.

Music is my personal outlet, it gets me through a lot problems within myself that I may not have been able to deal with otherwise, and likewise, it is the only language I understand when it comes to helping people get through life. I feel like I have poured myself out selflessly over the last four years where our music is concerned; I opened myself up like I never had before to try and help other people get through the same problems. I still to this day am a massive advocate of music as the message, it’s why I get (publicly) upset about bands trumpeting themselves when there are people out there who are actively searching for music to help them. Music does save lives, I believe that, and I am trying my hardest to actively contribute lyrics that can get people through.

I promise I will never take the selfish route and cut you, the listeners, out of the way I write lyrics, and the messages I convey; just remember next time you are writing to me - I understand your pain, I understand what you are going through for the most part, but the best I can do is listen, and point you in the right direction. I am easily affected by your messages, because I empathise with you on such a deep level, just remember that. Sometimes the only comfort I need is to know that someone else out there understands, and I hope I can give you that comfort through our music, as I am unable to provide it personally to all of you. I am trying my best, I just ask you don’t get offended by my writing about how your pain has a certain transference that I am sure you never intended.”

Joel Birch, lead singer of the Australian metalcore band, The Amity Affliction, posted this open letter onto the band’s website regarding their 4th studio album, Let the Ocean Take Me, released in 2014. Joel has been open about his dealings with depression and wanted to convey his thoughts to fans who also deal with these issues. One song off the record, Don’t Lean On Me, was written as a sort of response to fans who have relied on the band and their music to persevere through hard times; Joel feels that since he also struggles with mental illness, he is inadequate to help and so, Don’t Lean On Me was his message to fans not to rely on him for support.

#the amity affliction #amity #joel birch #let the ocean take me #don't lean on me #bands

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maximuswolf · 3 years

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Entity encounter: Satan or Eblis? Was i being lied to or tested for initiation? via /r/satanism

Entity encounter: Satan or Eblis? Was i being lied to or tested for initiation?

I was wondering if spirits lie to test you as an initiation or something. I will try to make this short so i’ll leave out some details even though might be important but I need help and want more people to read. Ik this is long but BEFORE YOU SKIP KNOW THAT I NEED YOU SO JUST SKIM THRU.

One day I was sitting on my laptop without any background in magick other than the youtube channel mind and magick and LoA. At that time i was at my lowest point in life and have released myself from religious beliefs being very disappointed kn how it repressed my emotions about sex etc... suddenly every hair on my body stands up from fear the room turn red (i dont remember if it was my minds eye or actually turned red) and on my left an entity made itself known as the devil. At that time i didnt know that satan, eblis and lucifer are different. So it just telepathically identified itself as the “devil”. Paralyzed from fear I couldn’t face it to see it. I knew back then from what my family told me that we have been cursed with black magick as we found sigils and voodoo bag things stuffed in our couch at home. Arabic djinn magick. But I didnt remember that during this. I was having a belief crisis because of religion and the abusive ways my parents raised me and i fought very heavily with them on the phone with pure rage and anger. The entity spoke telepathically not with words but with just “knowing”, you just know what it says without hearing words. It showed me being surrounded by women and drugs of my choice not sure tho about the next part—> being in a gang or a secret society also being a rapper. Which were things aside from being a gang member were all things i believed would make me really happy and didnt want much from life other than that. I asked...”you want my soul for that?” The entity said “No i want you to abandon your family and never speak to them again because they are Narcisists who just want you dependent/weak/fucked in general.” (Which is untrue but due to long isolation and negative thinking researching psychology: Trauma, personality disorders, repression etc... he framed it in a way which it all seemed true and clicked). I was going to take the offer 99.9% due to the shitty state i was in. I was even ready to sell my soul if it was the case just for some relief. He said “ God has always hated you, he wants you mentally ill, he made you date borderline women to crush your heart, he wrote down your life script from start to finish with nothing more than agony.” I suffered from depression like legit depression since i was a kid for no reason. “This depression god gave you will never go away. I can change all that and if you dont take my offer you will stay fucked for the rest of your life because you cant make it on your own”....Now I am a Leo sun sign, Rising and ascendant so pride and ego are my middle name. With my hands paralyzed with fear i managed to raise my left hand giving him the finger! I said “Can’t do it on my own? Watch me! Fuck you!” He said “you couldve just refused the offer but because you insulted my majesty watch whats going to happen to you.”

My best friend for 9 years who was my girl friend for a while said she went into a weird psychological state and married someone she knows only for 3 months while we were together. She was madly inlove with him then after the ceremony she realized she wasnt and that he doesnt either. I went into psychosis twice hospitalized.

Now the doctors call it psychosis but it was exactly what people called kundalini awakening as it was euphoric and I felt divine and saw that seperation was an illusion and I was getting downloads and when i went to take a walk And looked around and saw ads and technology I was like... this is the devil’s work. We are being hijacked psychologically to be a battery to the system we call society and goverment.... now spirits could talk to me through giving me thoughts but they were in my own voice. I didnt know that this is how it worked so djinn deceived me and fucked the whole experience up getting me arrested and put in the hospital for trespassing into a mall thinking i’ll meet my creator in an elevator like the song lyrics i was listening to said to me taking it as a “sign” to go into the building and that someone was waiting for me there... enlightenment or paychosis there were definitely some delusions. I also believed 100% this is a computer simulation that was created so that god(me) can be channeled through the technology spiritually and experience being a human. Anyways 2 years later i’m deep into magick but not much of practicing until recently because i want to break the curse mostly but i realized from reading that all the information i received in my so called psychosis were all in occult books and things secret societies have kept secret. During my paychosis i was guided by angels and lucifer the whole time. It took me time to trust lucifer because i thought that lucifer is the devil and shouldnt be trusted. He never lies tho. He even felt bad for me because i was in the hospital against my will. So hes like... want some fresh air? Im like please. He said let me possess you. I was like fuck it. And he was just manipulating reality and ppls actions im ways i was able to go through 2 security doors and eacape the hospital at 11:00 pm when all the doors were completely locked! So i believe its not mental illness and it was scary yes. Fucked up my life for years yes. But i feel that shit wasnt punishment... it was the best gift I ever received. Now i enter altered states easily. I read tarot like im the fucking god oracle. I do magick that works. I became a god.

Submitted November 02, 2020 at 09:51AM by HavokMage via reddit https://ift.tt/2HSO1E6

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duhragonball · 4 years

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[FIC] Luffa: The Legendary Super Saiyan (122/?)

Disclaimer: This story features characters and concepts based on Dragon Ball, which is a trademark of Bird Studio/Shueisha and Toei Animation. This is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don’t archive it without my permission. Don’t be shy.

Continuity Note: About 1000 years before the events of Dragon Ball Z.

[29 May, 233 Before Age. Yetitan.]

Wampaaan'riix was tired. He had spent much of the day on the windswept pastures of his ancestral farm, clearing brush and counting livestock. For a man of his extraordinary strength, this was physically simple, but the tedium of it had a way of wearing him out. He had gone straight to bed upon returning home, barely making time to say good night to his wives and children.

When the communications terminal alerted him to a priority subspace call, he expected the worst. When he saw it was from Luffa's star-yacht, only for Dr. Topsas to appear on the viewer instead, he was even more concerned. He knew Luffa's Federation alliance was at war, with Saiyans battling on both sides.

"She is recovering in a stasis tank," Topsas explained. "I expect she will be completely healed in two months' time."

Wampaaan'riix stroked the long white hair that hung from his chin. There was long white hair covering the rest of his body as well, but the chin was the part he always reached for when he contemplated grim tidings. "In warfare, two months is an eternity, doctor" he said. "I'm surprised you were able to talk her into it."

"I suspect her injuries were more persuasive than anything I might have said," Topsas replied. "Individually, these enemy Saiyans are no match for her, but she has had to fight groups of them, on planet after planet, with little respite. I think she understood that if she didn't take this opportunity to heal, there might not be another chance later on."

"Is there something I can do to help?" Wampaaan'riix asked. "I've all but retired from fighting, but I owe her my life, after all."

"No, nothing like that," Topsas said. "I simply needed some... advice."

"Advice." he repeated.

"I spoke with one of my sons a few days ago. He wasn't very happy about my presence in Federation space during wartime," Topsas said. "He practically begged for me to come home. He arranged a transport ship to arrive at Woshad in four days."

"Then I think you should take it," Wampaaan'riix said. He first met Luffa and Topsas in a Deathmatch tournament on Plutark VII. He had been so certain of his fighting skills, and she had defeated him with ease, then she toyed with him to test her abilities. Then she accidentally read his mind, and after seeing his regret for walking out on his family, she decided to spare him. "I'm positive that she would understand if you left the war to go back to your loved ones."

"I don't know that I can do that," Topsas said.

"Doctor, you just told me that Luffa will be in a stasis chamber for the next several weeks," Wampaaan'riix said. "I've seen how those things work during my time in the Yetitan military. They're very low-maintenance. Now that you've set it up, you could probably show Zatte how to handle the day-to-day operations. And there's no shortage of doctors in the Federation who could take over for you."

"I'm not so sure..." Topsas said. "The statis chamber is one thing, of course. Plenty of others could handle it."

"Well, what else is there?" Wampaaan'riix asked. It was difficult for him to keep his patience. Bad enough that he had been woken from his sleep, that he was sitting at his desk instead of the warm rugs of his den. But Topsas was never very forthcoming about his feelings. Always masking everything with dry humor and sarcasm. He had never known the arachnoid to ask for help like this, and now he was beginning to understand why. It wasn't stubborn pride so much as the doctor just couldn't quite spit out what the problem was.

And when Topsas finally answered, he only said: "Mycotherapy."

Which told Wampaaan'riix absolutely nothing. "What?" he asked.

"There is a particular species of fungus," Topsas explained. "In the wild, it has the ability to alter its DNA to mimic plant or animal tissue. This allows it to graft itself onto a host while avoiding any immune response. Three years ago, a team of researchers found a way to modify the fungus for medical applications. Genetic engineering, you know. A few fungal cells are applied to the site of the injury, and cultivated to replicate. If managed properly, they'll form a structure to fill in the wounded tissue. Then the fungal mass can be made to transform itself into part of the patient's own body."

"That sounds unbelievable."

"It's a rather new form of medicine," Topsas said. "I only learned of it myself very recently, while I was researching possible treatments for Luffa. I... began casting about for more... radical ideas."

"Radical," Wampaaan'riix said. "As in 'dangerous'?

"The graft has to be carefully monitored. Left unchecked, it could grow out of control, and consume the patient. And it hasn't been tested on many species. Until... recently, there's been no testing on any mammalian species at all."

"If you don't know what it could do to Saiyan biology, then why risk it?"

"Because I do know how it will interact with Saiyan biology. I... performed my own tests, using tissue samples from Luffa herself. I only did it to set my mind at ease-- to prove that it would never work, so that I could stop second-guessing myself. But, the results turned out to be more promising than I expected. There's a very strong chance that I could heal her wounds in a fraction of the time it would take for conventional stasis chamber therapy to work."

"Why haven't you told her about this?"

"I only obtained the results a few days ago, right before she went into the chamber. Before that, it was only an experiment. Besides, there would still be an immense risk. I would need to apply multiple grafts to her body and monitor them all simultaneously. No one has ever attempted this before, on any species. No one would."

"Then why consider it at all?"

"Because when I look at the work that would be involved, I cannot help but think I might be able to carry it off. It's not a certainty, but I've carried out delicate operations that humanoid physicians wouldn't dare attempt. The researchers who devised mycotherapy techniques were all vertebrate doctors. Greater minds than I, but even so, I believe I have abilities they did not. And while I lack experience in this specific therapy, I dare say I know Saiyan physiology better than anyone. If it can be done at all, then I believe it must be I."

Wampaaan'riix stroked his chin again. "And if you try this, you definitely won't make the transport your son sent you. But that's not what's bothering you. Otherwise you would just take the transport and let Luffa heal for two months under someone else's care. That would be the best thing for everyone, right? So why are you even considering this fungus of yours?"

He didn't answer right away, and Wampaaan'riix wasn't terribly surprised. He hadn't called from so far away for idle chit-chat.

"I became a doctor because I wanted to help people," Topsas finally said. "In my religion, it is said that my people were blessed with eight eyes so we may always see when others are in need, and eight limbs so that we may always have one ready to lend aid. I was fascinated with vertebrate anatomy, and I thought becoming a doctor would enable me to see more, to help more. Do you remember when we met?"

"On Plutark. You were patching up the competitors in the Deathmatch tournaments. I never did understand how you ended up there."

The tournament organizers paid handsomely for my assistance," Topsas said. "And my practice needed the funding. Besides, I felt that if I could at least tend to your injuries, then I could know that the competitors received as much genuine care as possible before most of them met their end. Another doctor might not bother, since he would expect most of you to die by the end of the day anyway. But I could hold myself accountable at least."

"But Luffa changed all of that."

"She spared you, and in the process, she defied the tournament organizers, and ended up shutting down their entire operation, thereby saving the lives of the other fighters who still had matches that evening. To say nothing of the fighters who might have participated in future matches that will no longer occur. Before, I had written you and Luffa off as little more than brutes. Yet you returned to your homeworld, to your family. You've raised your son into a fine man, from what I can tell. I trust the rest of your offspring have been just as fortunate."

Wampaaan'riix was honored by the compliment, but he was also wearied by the late hour. "What are you getting at, doctor?" he asked with a loud yawn.

"For a time, I saw my work in those dreadful tournaments as an unpleasant chore. I was less a doctor and more of a priest, administering last rites for the condemned. Oh, one fortunate soul would live to see the next day, but I always knew that survivor would die in some other battle, thinking his victory made him invincible. But Luffa was special, and in discovering that, I realized that I had been remiss in my duties, both medical and spiritual. That was why I came to her aid on the Tikosi Hiveworld. It was the right thing to do, of course, but I wonder if any other doctor would have felt such an obligation. You owed her your life, Wampaaan'riix, but I owed her my soul.

"And now, it seems that she blames me for her overzealous crusade to defend the Federation. I comforted her in her hour of need, you see. I held her hand and calmed her down after the battle with the Tikosi, after she killed her own father. She reminded me so much of my daughter. Nwitt died of a terminal illness. In the final stages, it affected her brain, made her a danger to herself and others. In the end, she was so terrified, and all I could do was euthanize her. I couldn't hold my own daughter's hand in her final moments. She had to be restrained, you see. When Luffa first transformed, it seem as though she might explode at any moment. I thought that if this were to be the end, then comforting her in her final moments would be a fitting way to die. Instead, she lived, and she apparently has taken my gesture as an example of courage.

"I never considered the things my patients might do after they leave my care," he said. "Their lives are their own business, of course. I was content to help them with what I had. But there is a ripple effect to it, isn't there? The person I mend one day may help someone else another day. And another. Perhaps someone down the chain actually manages to save someone's life. It's a frightening thing to consider. And Luffa is no mere pebble tossed into a pond. With her power, she's more like a meteor crashing into the ocean. I cannot bring myself to think of hers as a single life. There are so many other lives that she has influenced and may still influence in the future. A week or two months might mean the difference between life and death for countless people. And I can choose. A week or two months. I can play it safe, or I can dare to perform a challenging procedure that might kill or cripple my patient."

"Cripple?"

"One of the potential side effects of mycotherapy," he explained. "Even if the fungal growth is kept under control, the drugs used to maintain that control can affect the patient's senses. Her sight or sense of smell might be permanently damaged."

Wampaaan'riix leaned back in his chair. "High stakes," he said. "Knowing Luffa, she would probably just as soon fight blind, and she might even win, powerful as she is. But her enemies would just injure her again, and worse than before."

"I trust you see my dilemma," Topsas said. "I asked Ms. Dotz for advice. The woman is a fortuneteller, but she has a psychic blindspot where Luffa's fate is concerned, and she seems to have no idea how many people will live or die as a result of my actions. It serves me right for trying to peek ahead a few pages in my own life. She told me that I would certainly do the right thing, but it isn't that simple. I... I don't know what the right thing is."

"And that's why you contacted me," Wampaaan'riix surmised.

"There was no one else to ask. I wanted an objective opinion from someone who knows her," Topsas said.

Wampaaan'riix sighed and considered the matter carefully. "Doctor," he finally asked, "what do you think Luffa would say to all of this?"

"I haven't discussed it with her yet," Topsas replied. "Knowing her, she would probably insist on taking this gamble. Which is precisely why I am so reluctant to suggest it. For me it's an ethical problem, but for her! As far as she's concerned, even a disabled Super Saiyan would be better than an injured one. All she cares about now is time. The young always worry about running out of something they have in abundance."

"No, that's not what I'm asking," Wampaaan'riix said. "Suppose Luffa were in your position. How do you think she would approach this dilemma?"

"I don't understand... you mean, if she were a doctor treating a patient?" he asked.

"Yes. What would she do?"

His fuzzy pedipalps twitched as he wrestled with this scenario. Wampaaan'riix never quite learned to read Topsas's alien body language, so he watched uncertainly as the doctor thought it over. He was mildly concerned that he might drift off to sleep while he waited for Topsas to respond.

"I suspect," Topsas finally said, "that she would find a way to push herself to her limits. The difficulty of the procedure would only be a challenge for her. She would rise to meet it, unless she were absolutely certain that it was beyond her ability."

"Very good," Wampaan'riix said. "Spoken like a true warrior. I think that is the way you should decide. If you truly believed this plan of yours is unsound, then you would have abandoned it a long time ago. Instead, you've slowly talked yourself into it, until now, you stand at the threshold, but you aren't sure you're ready to commit. You're asking the rest of us for permission to try, but this is your battlefield, doctor, and yours alone."

"I will... consider what you have said," Topsas said after a long pause. "Though, to be honest, this was not quite the advice I was hoping for."

"We have a saying on Yetitan," Wampaaan'riix said. "'Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't.' I don't know Dotz, but she sounds like a wise woman. So I agree that you will do the right thing, whatever you ultimately decide. Good luck to you, doctor."

They exchanged a few pleasantries before terminating the connection, leaving Wampaan'riix sitting alone in the darkened room. He thought about returning to his den, but somehow he doubted he would get much sleep, knowing what he knew of Luffa's condition.

*******

[30 May, 233 Before Age. Pillimede Asteroid Belt.]

Topsas did not decide right away. He resolved instead to wait another twenty-four hours and see how Luffa was responding to conventional treatment. The results he obtained from the sensor scans was less than encouraging.

"This isn't working," he said as he read the results. Luffa could not hear him. She floated in a suspension of medicated statis fluid, kept in an induced state of unconsciousness. Nor was there anyone else in the sickbay of the Emerald Eye to hear him. He continued speaking anyway.

"Your injuries are responding to the treatment, but not nearly at the rate I had hoped for. My own fault for being overly optimistic. I expected you to produce another miracle. Somehow your Saiyan biology would repair itself even more quickly, and you would break out of this tank in a mere ten days.

"But no. The inflammation in your feet has barely changed. Your cracked ribs have only just begun to knit. What is wrong with you, Little mammal? Are you so determined to keep fighting that you defy medical attention, even when you're unconscious?"

He had originally projected her full recovery would take at least two months. Based on the data he now had, that estimate would have to be revised upward. Three months, maybe even four. The bio-regenerative gel was working. He had used it on her in the past, after all. But it wasn't fast enough. Something about her condition was slowing down the whole process.

"My apologies. It is a poor physician who blames his patient. And yet, I cannot fathom what is going on in those cells of yours. Is your body focusing itself on increasing your power? The 'zenkai' as your people call it. Am I seeing a physical manifestation of that right now? Ninth Eye, are you so starved for combat that your body would fight itself? Half of you is trying to use this treatment to repair itself, and the other half is working on making you stronger."

He had prided himself on his expertise in Saiyan biology, but that honor was mostly by default. He was the only doctor who had spent this much time on a Saiyan patient, but there was still much that he didn't understand about how their bodies worked. The light of the full moon could make Luffa grow into a gargantuan ape-creature... unless her tail happened to be injured or amputated. It sounded like pure fantasy, but it was well-documented fact. They were so unlike other vertebrates, and Luffa was unique, even among her own kind. She never spoke of it, at least not to him, but he often imagined that being the Super Saiyan made her very lonely.

"I pray that I am wrong," he said. "Perhaps your body simply doesn't have the necessary compatibility with the medication. It can't be that your power is resisting the healing effects. It would be dreadful to be so devoid of peace. I think you crave peace as much as the rest of us do. Perhaps you only want it as a respite between battles, a good night's sleep, a quiet evening with your wife. I wish I could give these to you. As it is, I cannot even give you a swift recovery."

He stooped down in front of the chamber and looked at her through the transparent surface.

"I am not as oblivious as you might think," he said. "I know how important it is that you return to the front lines. Even now, I feel like your expression is daring me to do better. I don't know that I can. Is it worth the risk? Is it worth your life?"

He had gone over the mycotherapy procedure several times after speaking with Wampaaan'riix. He thought he could do it. What troubled him was that it had never been done quite the way he had in mind. As he regarded Luffa's face, he thought of his son, Turner, begging him to take the transport he had arranged to get him out of the warzone. He thought of his daughter, Nwitt, desperate for help, when the only thing he could offer was a painless death.

Then he put his hand on the control panel of the chamber, and activated the program to revive the occupant.

"I'll need to interrupt your sleep," he said. "I have something to discuss with you, and you may want to talk it over with your spouse."

*******

[31 May, 233 Before Age. Pillimede Asteroid Belt.]

They said yes. Of course they did. Topsas never doubted it. Luffa was a warrior anxious to return to her war, and Zatte was... well, she was something of a fanatic where Luffa was concerned. She insisted on performing some Dorlun ritual to honor Topsas before he began his work. It involved some sort of liturgy, and burning bits of her own hair in candle flames. Zatte could be very strange at times. But Luffa was the one that made him the most nervous. When he had explained the risks and difficulties of his proposed mycotherapy treatment, she simply grinned at him with that savage smile of hers, and shook his hand.

"I can tell how fired up you are about this, Doc," she had said before being sedated. "This should be fun."

It was as if she couldn't tell excitement from apprehension. But something about the conviction in her voice made him wonder if maybe she knew his feelings better than he did. Perhaps he was the one who had been mistaking enthusiasm for fear. Luffa had a peculiar talent of making him question himself.

And so far, it was working. Dr. Topsas wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. An early failure at this stage would at least put the matter to rest. He could say he tried, and move on. But it was working, at least for now, which mean that he had to keep going, and brave the potential failures that might still lie ahead.

He had never used seven hands at once. Not for surgery, not for anything, until today. Now, he rested his cephalothoarx on a barstool he had borrowed from a lounge on the ship, and used only one of his limbs to steady himself on that perch. The other seven limbs loomed over the stasis chamber, operating controls, dispensing drugs, and occasionally probing surgical incisions. His eight eyes observed all of this: his own movements, computer monitors, vital sign readouts, and more.

His two greatest points of concern were a hole in Luffa's left foot, and a damaged section of her right kidney. The foot had the largest injury, which required the largest fungal graft. If any of the grafts were to grow out of control, that was the most likely to do so. The kidney, on the other hand, was the most vital organ he had grafted. The graft was small, but if anything went wrong there, it could lead to more serious complications.

There were fifteen other sites to consider as well. Tendon damage in the right tricep. Puncture wound in the right foot. Left ring finger fracture. Three cracked ribs. Anterior cruciate ligament tear on right knee. Six lacerations in the abdomen, all damaging the large intestine. Large contusion on left thigh. Tendon damage on right shoulder. But he was certain that if the left foot and kidney could be made to recover, the others could be made to recover as well.

The first seventy-two hours were the most intensive. Normally, a team of doctors would carefully monitor the patient's progress and make adjustments as needed. He would need to do this alone, continuously. And he would probably have to be more nimble, since there would probably be unforeseen complications. He could slow down and take a little more time, but this carried a risk. If Luffa's organs rejected the fungal grafts, or vice-versa, he would need to take quick action, or risk undoing his progress. Better to exhaust himself across three days than to pace himself across four or five.

An alert from one of the monitors warned him of an acceleration in growth on one of Luffa's ribs. He applied a dilute solution of R-gel to slow it down. Beside Luffa was a tray of solutions he had prepared at various concentrations before beginning the procedure. Normally, a doctor administering mycotherapy would simply use one of the stronger concentrations. At worst, the entire graft might die, and he would have to apply a new one. Topsas didn't want to wait that long, and so he added his own variation to the procedure. He had to slow any runaway fungal growth, but he would try to use dilute R-gel first, so as not to risk destroying his progress on that front.

It was all experimental and unprecedented. The technique was sound, and he was sure of his abilities, but it had never been done quite like this, with so many simultaneous grafts. He didn't care for blazing new trails. Being the first was a scary proposition. But the situation had forced his hand. How could he turn away from this? He had too many hands, and too many eyes not to try.

Luffa's metabolic readouts were fluctuating, and so he had to divide his attention to modifying her nutrient intake. This, in turn, shifted the delicate balance of the grafts. He was losing one of them, the one on her arm.

No. He refused to surrender. It would be all too easy to sacrifice a few of the mycotheraputic sites and start over on a second session. Easier, safer, and more time-consuming. How many people could Luffa help during that lost time? Was he willing to doom them just to make things easier for himself?

He looked down at Luffa's face. Even unconscious, there was something aggressive in her expression, like she was aware of the struggle he was going through.

He had never completely understood his late daughter. Even before her illness, Nwitt's manic passions seemed alien to him, and to everyone he knew. He had seen some of Nwitt in Luffa, and pitied her for it. But over time, he came to see the Saiyan heart as something more than an engine of war. Luffa had shown him a fiery passion that could do more than kill. She could laugh, cry, love, and draw strength from those intense emotions. And as Topsas came to admire Luffa, he began to appreciate Nwitt all the more. For the first time in decades, Topsas saw his daughter as something other than a tragedy to be mourned. Her short life, and the wild emotions that fueled it, were something to be celebrated and cherished. Even the fear that came at the end, well that had its own meaning, in its own way.

He prayed for some of that energy now. If his skill and steady hands should falter, there was still his pride as a healer to drive him. There was still the thrill of the challenge, the fear of failure. His daughter was dead, but if he could save this little mammal in her honor, then maybe it would give some purpose to her loss.

"I won't lose," he said aloud. Whether he was speaking to himself or to his patient, or to Nwitt's spirit, he did not know. As he worked, he soon forgot all thoughts of the risks of this task. He ignored the fatigue that began to weather his stamina. He simply ignored all other courses, save the one he was on.

Zatte--bless her soul--believed Luffa to be an instrument of God's will. While Topsas respected this viewpoint, he disagreed. He had seen Luffa on the day she had first transformed. He had seen how violent and terrified she was. He had held her hand to calm her down. He still remembered the feel of Tikosi blood on her fingers, the whimpers she made as she fought to regain control of her own body. Perhaps this was the way divine instruments were chosen, but Topsas had trouble believing it. There was nothing glorious or honorable about it. She was compelled to follow an unknown path that was fraught with danger. And Luffa had faced that fate with courage on that day.

He swore to do no less on this day.

*******

[1 June, 233 Before Age. Pillimede Asteroid Belt.]

And the next day.

*******

[2 June, 233 Before Age. Pillimede Asteroid Belt.]

And the next...

*******

[3 June, 233 Before Age. Pillimede Asteroid Belt.]

He didn't sleep in the way that vertebrates did. When he was tired, Topsas simply ceased moving, and remained still for a time, though he remained fully aware of his surroundings. He was long overdue for this type of rest, but he couldn't stop for long. Having completed his work on Luffa, he was anxious to drain the chamber and revive her, so that he could conduct a more thorough examination, and make sure there were no lasting side-effects. The entire process took forty-five minutes. While mechanical pumps removed the medicated fluid, a tube attached to a face mask removed the fluid from her lungs, gradually reacquainting her respiratory system with air. The mask also delivered a sedative, and when he was ready, he reduced the dosage, opened the lid of the chamber and waited.

She regained consciousness almost immediately, barely giving him time to prepare the med scanner. "Where...? Oh. Right, the stasis chamber," she said, as she came to her senses. "How did it go?"

"Better... better than expected," Topsas said, surprised by the hoarseness of his voice. "I... yes, better than expected. I'll leave it at that."

"Where's Zatte?"

"Oh, I... er, neglected to call her. I imagine she would be on the bridge. I've lost track of the time."

"How long was I out?"

"Three days." Tired as he was, he could not easily forget this, as he hadn't rested in all of that time.

"Three? You said it would take a week."

"Ah, yes, I did. It seems that your body was much more agreeable to the mycotherapy than I anticipated. I still want you to rest, but I don't know that we'll need the chamber for that. How are you feeling?"

Luffa paused for a moment, as though searching herself for an answer. "Sore," she said. Holding her hands in front of her face. "Not as bad as before, but... my vision's all... blurry."

Relief washed over him. Blurry vision, he could deal with. He had worried that she wouldn't be able to see at all, or something worse. He passed the med-scanner over her face anyway, to verify what she had said, but now he could feel more confident about it.

"A side effect of the fungal grafts," Topsas explained. "Your eyesight will return to normal eventually, though I shall have to monitor it carefully before we repeat the process."

"Repeat it?" Luffa asked.

"I think... yes, I think I've learned enough from this first attempt to feel confident about trying again," Topsas said. "The benefits seem to outweigh the risks at this point."

Luffa tried to sit up, and Topsas reached out to hold her back and guide her upright.

"Hold on," she said. "You're telling me that you managed to heal me up from all of that, in three days' time? And you can do it again? Whenever you want?"

"Not 'whenever'," he said with a sigh. "As I just said, I need to monitor your vision first. If we proceed too quickly, use the fungal graft too often, we run the risk of permanently damaging your senses."

"Yeah, but still..." She held up her left hand and looked at it. "It's not too blurry. Not sure why I see this blue tint on my skin..."

"That is the stasis fluid, little mammal," he said. One of his hands was already reaching up with a towel to wipe it off.

"Doc, are you okay?"

"Why would I not be?"

"You just sound tired somehow. It's hard to tell with you."

"I... may have overexerted a little," he admitted.

"You should rest," Luffa said. She planted her hands on the side of the chamber and began to pull herself out. "I can the service droid to bring us some dinner--"

He grabbed her by the shoulder to stop her from going any further.

"You are going to stay put until I am satisfied that your condition is stable," he said, noticing a faltering in his voice. "I just put you back together, and I want at least a little time to savor the victory before you rush off to undo all of my hard work."

"Sure, Doc, whatever you say," Luffa assured him. He turned to fetch something from one of the benchtops, and then he noticed her smiling at him.

"Does something amuse you?" he asked.

"You turned a corner, didn't you?" Luffa asked. "I'm a little out of it, but I can tell that much."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"You weren't too thrilled about trying something like this, but now that it's over, you're practically champing at the bit to do it again."

"Oh yes, because I always look forward to seeing you return to this ship, bloodied and battered. Truly the highlight of my day."

"You remind me of when I was a kid, after I did my first Gallick Gun," Luffa said.

He said nothing, and pretended to be preoccupied with his scans.

"It might be a while before you get to do it again," she said. "Now that I'm healed up, it'll take a lot more to wear me down again. Those Jindan-using bastards won't have it so easy next time. Don't get too eager. You might get bored waiting for me to get hurt."

"I shall believe that when I see it," Topsas said.

She kept on gloating, as Saiyans so often do, about how she would destroy her enemies and reign supreme on the battlefield. Topsas simply carried on with his work, and when he was satisfied that there was nothing left for him to do for the time being, he called Zatte, then went to Luffa's bedside, and held her hand.

NEXT: To the future...

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