#and on that note if something bad happens to jesper i am now going to riot. i am already spoiled about something horrible

[mery-cm99]

Vixen ~ Nikolai Lantsov (Chapter 6)

Masterlist

Description: Vixen is one of the Crows. Kaz saved her a long time ago. He’s the only one who knows the truth about Vixen. He’s the only one who knows her past, her secret. That’s until a certain privateer shows up in Ketterdam looking for a living Saint.

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x fem!OC

Warnings: Mention of trauma, blood, war and sad stuff in general. English is not my first language, so sorry in advance for any grammar or spelling errors. The sign language used in this story is made up and does not correspond with any official one. The story is based on the series, not the books.

Rating: Teens and up

Chapter 6/6

Word Count: 1,722 words

Writer’s note: Ugh. This man has me on chokehold.

Last one in a while... (at list for this fic. If you want more OS from him or any other topic. Just ask :))

__________________________

Vixen was standing next to Kaz when Alina, Mal, Nina and Inej returned to the fort with the news that Kirigan was dead. So she saw firsthand how her boss's gaze was fixed on the Wraith. Vixen knew that there was something much stronger between the two of them than there was between two comrades. She had seen them look at each other that way on too many occasions. Vixen and Jesper had a bet to see which of them would confess first. She claimed it would be Inej.

Seeing that Kaz wasn't going to say anything, Vixen approached Inej when Jesper stopped hugging her excitedly. Inej gave her a smile which Vixen returned.

<<I'm glad to see you, Inej>> she assured, placing special emphasis on her name. It was formed by her thumb and forefinger crossed in the shape of a cross over her lips. Vixen was the one who decided the sign that represented the names and only the people most important to her were given the honor of having their own sign. Inej's was for her belief in the Saints. She was the reason Vixen still believed in them. That was why Inej hugged her when she saw her signing hers.

“Thank you. My country might have been sunk if you haven't arrived," Nikolai spoke, drawing the crows' attention. Vixen looked at him. He still had dried blood on one side of his face. His weight was not resting on his injured leg and there was blood on his left shoulder. He looked bad, but it could have been worse. If she hadn't created the whirlwind of water... She didn't want to think about it.

“We'll settle those thanks in gold," Kaz spoke, eliciting a sideways smile from the prince.

“Of course. And if any of you want to stay in Ravka. You're welcome," he added, looking at each one of them. Vixen felt his gaze burn into her as he turned it towards her. It was clear he meant her. She was the only one of the Crows -apart from Nina- who was ravkan.

Kaz nodded for all of them and the prince left with the help of Tamar and Tolya, not without the latter giving Vixen a smile and a nod. She returned it. She had ended up growing fond of the shu man after all.

“Are you going to stay or come back to ketterdam with us?” Kaz asked when the two of them were alone. He knew her well enough to know she was thinking about it.

“I don't know what to do, Kaz. The Crows are the best thing that has happened to me since I lost my parents. I am the way I am now because of you. But I'm a grisha. I have to understand what that means," she explained.

“Then you must stay. The Crows will always have a place for you. When you think it's time to come back.”

Vixen nodded. She wanted to hug him, or shake his hand, in a way to thank him, but she restrained herself, assuming it would not be to his liking.

“Thank you, Kaz," she said, signing his name. The Crows leader’s name was the index finger curved over her forehead. As if it were a hook that would draw out an idea. She had put it on for his brilliant mind. “For all you've done for me over the years.”

Kaz nodded. He didn't say anything, but Vixen didn't need him to.

The farewell with the rest of the crows was somewhat emotional. After three years and as much as she had avoided having ties in Ketterdam, Vixen had grown fond of them. The first one she said goodbye to was Jesper, who hugged her tightly.

“Now who's going to make fun of the rest of Ketterdam with me, and who am I going to gossip with about the rumors of the Barrel?” he complained, eliciting a giggle from the girl. “I'm going to miss you, Vix. Even when you barely spoke," Vixen smacked his arm, as usual. “And your punches. I'm going to miss you hitting me. I never thought I'd say that.”

<<I'm going to miss you too, Jesper>> She assured. His name was two guns firing.

“Who's going to defend me from the bullies now? I can't lose my guardian angel.”

Then she moved on to Wylan, who was standing next to the gunslinger and trying not to cry.

<<You don't need it, Wylan. You're stronger than you think>> she assured him, remarking the W of his name over her heart. Wylan hugged her tightly.

Inej offered her one of her knives.

“Remember me when you wield it. Though I hope you don't have to.”

Vixen pocketed the knife and handed Inej one of her daggers.

<<Keep it, until we meet again. And tell Tolya that I will never forget his words>> she asked. She had heard that Inej was leaving on Sturmhond's ship with Tolya, Tamar and Mal. The latter being the new Sturmhond now that Nikolai was the new king of Ravka.

When she reached Nina she used her voice, though she was still speaking by signs. The heartrender did not yet know the language.

“Get your man out of Hellgate. I'd like to go with you, but I have to learn to control my power first.”

“I will, Vixen. Thank you. “

She managed to hold back tears until she saw them board the ship back to Ketterdam. She hadn't finished understanding what it meant to stay there until she saw them leave without her. Now that she was back in Ravka, where her mother was more present, it was harder for her to keep Anya hidden. Vixen was the offspring of Silverfox. She was the result of mixing the world's greatest thief with a past full of pain and death. But Anya was her mother's daughter. She had a kind heart and a grisha power that she had to learn to control before someone got hurt because of it. And although they were two completely different versions, the girl had understood that she was both, and that she had to learn to combine them. So, when she could no longer see the crows on the horizon, she returned to the castle to talk to Zoya.

A couple of days later, on the morning of King Nikolai's coronation, Vixen was in the palace courtyards with Zoya. The Squaller was teaching her how to control her grisha power.

“Little science is just that, science. Water is the essence of life. It is in everything around us. You just have to feel at one with it," Zoya was saying as Vixen concentrated on controlling the whirlpool of water she had created. It was not too big, but it was more controllable that way.

The grisha's speech was cut off, which caught the girl's attention. Seeing who was approaching, Vixen lost all her concentration and the whirlwind came to a screeching halt, drenching Zoya and herself. The squaller gave her a nasty look, so Vixen shrugged, trying to hide a smile. Nikolai seemed to find it amusing, because by the time he reached them he was laughing.

“Classes are over for the day," Zoya declared, pulling on her soaked kefta. “Moi Tsar," she saluted with a bow before walking off and leaving them alone.

“Vixen. I didn't think you would consider my offer," Nikolai spoke. Vixen kept her gaze on the king's hands.

Although it had been a couple of days since everything had ended, she hadn't seen him since. Nikolai had been very busy with preparations for his coronation and reigning a country that was once again united. And she had spent most of her time with Zoya, Genya and Alina, learning everything the three grisha could teach her.

“Actually it’s Anya, Moi Tsar. Anya Makarov," she indicated with a small bow, accompanied by signs out of habit.

It was the first time he had heard her speak, and Nikolai was captivated by her voice. That's why it took him a moment to understand her words. Vixen dared to look at him and saw the moment when Nikolai understood the truth.

“You are the daughter of Sonya Makarov, the old king's official Tidemaker," he guessed aloud. Vixen nodded.

Nikolai tried to remember everything he knew about the woman. He was barely twelve when the woman had left the palace. But he remembered the conmotion when they realized that the grisha had fled the country with her husband and daughter. The king had felt deeply betrayed and had sent a group of grisha, Heartrenders, to track her down and capture her. Nikolai had never heard the end of the story, but he could guess from what Tolya had told him: Vixen had confessed to him that Heartrenders had killed her mother.

“I'm deeply sorry, Anya. I had no idea," he apologized sincerely. Vixen felt heat flood her cheeks as she heard him refer to her by her real name. It was the first time anyone had used it in far too long. And she had to admit it sounded very sweet in his voice.

“Don't apologise, Moi Tsar. It wasn't your fault," she assured.

“Call me Nikolai, please," he asked, a little uncomfortable with the fact that the girl kept referring to him that way, as if he was an unreachable being. “Why do you prefer to use sign language instead of speaking with your voice?” he asked curiously. He had been wondering that since Tolya had told him that she was indeed not mute.

“My father was deaf, so I learned sign language when I was very young. When my mother died I only communicated with him, so I stopped relying on my voice and got used to using my hands. I guess after he died too I kept up the habit so I didn't lose him altogether.”

“A deaf thief. I've never heard anything like that before. And a very good one, if I’m well informed" the blond man commented in amusement. Vixen let a small smile break out on her lips. Nikolai thought it was the prettiest one he had ever seen. Maybe because it was the first one he'd get from the girl, like seeing the sun after hundreds of years hidden in the Fold.

____________________

I really want to continue with the story. I love Vixen and how her character has turned out. But there is no more content with the series and I haven't read the books (yet). I had thought about continuing on my own, moving away from canon. What do you think? Maybe I'll do single chapters without continuity between them so I don't stray too far from the canon. Leave me feedback in the coments, please.

Taglist:

1.@going-through-shit

#sturmhond #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov imagine #shadow and bone #grishaverse #grisha netflix #six of crows #Kaz Brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #nina zenik #alina starvok #tolya #tamar #zoya #genya #the darkling #ravka #ketterdam

[ragingstillness]

Shadow and Bone spoilers - random thoughts from my notes (e4)

Ngl when I saw the guys unloading stuff near Pekka's secret house I thought I saw plants in those boxes and immediately thought Pekka was secretly selling jurda parem. Considering future happenings, this could still be true.

"Met" read: fucked

Love that Wylan's natural style just makes him look like a repairman.

When Jesper is fixing the wire Wylan literally says "what beautiful weather we're having" and I lost my shit.

I get the feeling Jack is flexing his musical skills on us.

Quoted directly from my notes here on the psuedo bathroom scene: "Shy boy is afraid of the seductive power of bare shoulders and tank tops."

Idk why but Kaz and Inej constantly promising to protect each other gave me this:

"No one's ever smart enough to look for the real one" - *breathing heavily*

Goddammit Nina you cock-blocker.

Quoted directly from my notes here: "Finally we get to see Kaz kill someone."

"I recommend a cane" - haha get fucked

For my RE4 fans in advance of the remake coming out the 24th: Kaz with his hair sweaty looks like Leon.

"This city's price is blood and I am happy to pay with yours" - it says something about me that I become most lustful for Kaz the more violent he gets.

Quoted directly from my notes here: "Ben looks scruffy, I bet he enjoyed not shaving for a while."

Letting David work in the same room as Baghra's cage was a grade A bad idea™.

The balls on Nikolai proposing to Alina in front of Mal. Big Ball Energy?

Quoted directly from my notes here: "'I'd lay down my life to protect you' - don't speak too soon Mal."

Quoted directly from my notes here: "Are they gonna fuck now? They're playing the soulful sex flutes."

I'm sorry but Genya's vest is one of the ugliest pieces of clothing I've ever seen.

"I should be your greatest shame" - powerful line, not sure I believe it. If they had shown him coercing Genya in season one I'd buy it more.

Cowards won't show Genya getting attacked by the Nichevo'ya.

Wylan's little face nudge up into Jesper's space is the cutest thing.

Those deeply CGI wolves are going to be adopted by me now. To keep them away from both the Hellgate staff and Matthias.

Quoted directly from my notes here: "Wow he's [Matthias] really gonna be a little bitch about her [Nina] lying to save their lives."

I really like how the sound mixers have been layering Ben's voice when he coughs, like the Nichevo'ya are speaking over and through him.

Why is Aleksander's tidemaker friend wearing green? Not a grisha order I recognize. I mean, it looks good on her but I'm still surprised nothing was ever made of it.

Repeating what someone else said: why are there no oprichniki?

Aleksander looks like he's nearly crying all the time.

The licking was somehow both creepy and sexy.

I'd love some explanation on how much the tether can effect reality and the locations it takes place in.

Quoted directly from my notes here when Alina shows up at Nikolai's door: "Christ girl do not fuck him."

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone spoilers #shadow and bone season two #s&b season two #s&b spoilers #s&b

[youremyonlyhope]

I should have known that after finding out that Jesper is mixed the same way I am (Zemeni aka Black mother and Kaelish aka Irish father) that anything about his backstory would hit me very hard.

Did not think I’d cry over it though. Yet here I am.

#six of crows #crooked kingdom #jesper fahey #insert that Rosa gif of 'if anything happened to him i'd kill everyone in this room and then myself' #i already felt that way after watching the show but reading the books... #ahhh my heart someone help i didn't think i'd cry but i kinda felt it coming on so i took a break for a second #put some stuff away then picked up the book again and cried a little anyway #ahhhhh #also and maybe i'll go more into this when i make another 5000+ word review of this series like i did shadow and bone #as a mixed person i know we have a lot of privilege in film and tv so reading the books and seeing that Jesper is described as dark #i was like 'i love Kit but maybe this role should have gone to a black person who isn't mixed or at least not as light skinned' #Kit's not light skinned he's medium skinned but he's not dark like jesper was initially described in the books #(we see this all the time when mixed people are cast as fully black characters like Amandla in Rue in the Hunger Games) #(were they a perfect Rue? yes. were they half picked because of colorism and they're not dark? also yes.) #then i found out his father is Kaelish and i was like OOOOHHH he was cast as a mixed actor on PURPOSE! YESSSSSSSSSS #so i'm glad him being mixed is an actual part of his character and not just another example of colorism in hollywood #and that also means i can fiercely identify with Jesper and cry over his mom and dad's beautiful relationship #and on that note if something bad happens to jesper i am now going to riot. i am already spoiled about something horrible #(and a stupid youtube comment even told me the chapter it happens in so thanks for that) but i've heard no spoilers of jesper #I just realized I misgendered Amandla in my earlier tags. they use they/them #I’ll edit those tags once I get home since on my phone it will be too hard #ok that’s been fixed

[tarobytez]

disability in the Six Of Crows Duology; an analysis of Kaz Brekker, Wylan Van Eck, and the fandom’s treatment of them.

****Note: I originally wrote this for a tiktok series, which im still going to do, but i wanted to post here as well bc tumblr is major contributor to what im going to talk about

CW: ableism, filicide, abuse

In the Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo delicately subverts and melds harmful disability tropes into her narrative, unpacking them in a way that I, as a disabled person, found immensely refreshing and…. just brilliant. 

But what did you all do with that? Well, you fucked it up. Instead of critically looking at the characters, y’all just chose to be ableist. 

For the next few videos paragraphs im going to unpack disability theory (largely the stuff surrounding media, for obvious reasons) and how it relates to Six Of Crows and the characterization of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck, then how, despite their brilliant writing, y’all completely overlooked the actual text and continuously revert them to ableist cariactures.

Disclaimer: 1. Shocker - i am disabled. I have also extensively researched disability theory and am very active in the disabled community. Basically, I know my shit. 2. im going to be mad in these videos this analysis. Because the way y’all have been acting has been going on for a long ass time and im fuckin sick of it. I don’t give a shit about non-disabled feelings, die mad

Firstly, I’m going to discuss Kaz, his play on the stereotypical “mean cripple” trope and how Bardugo subverts it, his cane, and disabled rage. Then, I am going to discuss Wylan, the “inspiration porn” stereotype, caregivers / parents, and the social model of disability. Finally, I will then explain the problems in the fandom from my perspective as a disabled person, largely when it comes to wylan, bc yall cant leave that boy tf alone.

Kaz Brekker

Think of a character who uses a cane (obviously not Kaz). Now, are they evil, dubiously moral, or just an asshole in general? Because nearly example I can think of is: whether it be Lots’O from Toy Story, Lucius Malfoy, or even Scrooge and Mr.Gold from Once Upon A Time all have canes (the last two even having their canes appear less and less as they become better people)

The mean/evil cripple trope is far more common than you would think. Villains with different bodies are confined to the role of “evil”. To quote TV Tropes, who I think did a brilliant job on explaining it “The first is rooted in eugenics-based ideas linking disability or other physical deformities with a "natural" predisposition towards madness, criminality, vice, etc. The Rule of Symbolism is often at work here, since a "crippled" body can be used to represent a "crippled" soul — and indeed, a disabled villain is usually put in contrast to a morally upright and physically "perfect" hero. Whether consciously on the part of the writer or not, this can reinforce cultural ideas of disability making a person inherently inferior or negative, much in the same way the Sissy Villain or Depraved Homosexual trope associate sexual and gender nonconformity with evil. ”

Our introduction to Kaz affirms this notion of him being bad or morally bankrupt, with “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, etc. This mythologized version of himself, the “bastard of the barrel” actively fed into this misconception. But, as we the audience are privy to his inner thoughts, know that he is just a teenager like every other Crow. He is complex, his disability isn’t this tragic backstory, he just fell off a roof. It’s not his main motivation, nor does he curse revenge for making him a cripple - it is just another part of who he is. 

His cane (though the shows version fills me with rage but-) is an extension of Kaz - he fights with it, but it has a purpose. Another common thing in media is for canes to be simply accessories, but while Kaz’ cane is fashionable, it has purpose.

The quote “There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.” is so fucking powerful. Kaz does not want nor need a cure - its said in Crooked Kingdom that his leg could most likely be healed, but he chooses not to. Abled-bodied people tend to dismiss this thought as Kaz being stubborn but it shows a reality of acceptance of his disability that is just, so refreshing.

In chapter 22 of SOC, we see disabled rage done right - when he is called a cripple by the Fjerdan inmate, Kaz is pissed - the important detail being that he is pissed at the Fjerdan, at society for ableism, not blaming it on being disabled or wishing he could be normal. He takes action, dislocating the asshole’s shoulder and proving to him, and to a lesser extent, himself, that he is just as capable as anyone else, not in spite of, but because he is disabled. And that is the point of Kaz, harking back to the line that “there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken”. 

I cried on numerous occasions while reading the SOC duology, but the parts I highlighted in this section especially so. I, as many other disabled people do, have had a long and tumultuous relationship with our disability/es, and for many still struggle. But Kaz Brekker gave me an empowered disabled character who accepts themselves, and that means the world to me. 

Keeping that in mind, I hope you can understand why it hurts so much to disabled people when you either erase Kaz’s disability (whether through cosplay or fanfiction), or portray him as a “broken boy uwu”, especially implying that he would want a cure. That flies in the face of canon and is inherently fucking ableist. (if u think im mad wait until the next section)

Next, we have Wylan.  

Oh fucking boy. 

I love Wylan so fucking much, and y’all just do not seem to understand his character? Like at all? Since this is disability-centric, I’m not going to discuss how the intersection of his queerness also contributes to these issues, but trust me when I say it’s a contributing factor to what i'm going to say.

Wylan, motherfucking Van Eck. If you ableist pricks don’t take ur fucking hands off him right now im going to fight you. I see Wylan as a subversion another, and in my opinion more insidious stereotype pf disabled people - inspiration porn.

Cara Liebowitz in a 2015 article on the blog The Body Is Not An Apology explains in greater detail how inspiration porn is impactful in real life, but media is a major contributing factor to this reality. The technical definition is “the portrayal of people with disabilities as inspirational solely or in part on the basis of their disability” - but that does not cover it fully. 

Inspiration porn does lasting damage on the disabled community as it implies that disability is a negative that you need to “overcome” or “triumph” instead of something one can feel proud of. It exploits disabled people for the development of non-disabled people, and in media often the white male protagonist. Framing disability as inherently negative perpetuates ideals of eugenics and cures - see Autism $peaks’ “I Am Autism” ad. Inspiration porn is also incredibly patronizing as it implies that we cannot take care of ourselves, or do things like non-disabled people do. Because i stg some of you tend to think that we just sit around all day wishing we weren’t disabled. 

Another important theory ideal that is necessary when thinking about Wylan is the experience of feeling like a burden simply for needing help or accommodations. This is especially true when it comes to familial relationships, and internalized ableism.

The rhetoric that Wylan’s father drilled into his head, that he is “defective”, “a mistake”, and “needs to be corrected”, that he (Jan) was “cursed with a moron for a child” is a long held belief that disabled people hear relentlessly. And while many see Van Eck’s attempted murder of Wylan as “preposturous” and overall something that you would never think happens today - filicide (a parent murdering their child) is more common than you would like to believe. Without even mentioning the countless and often unreported deaths of disabled people due to lack of / insufficient / neglectful medical care, in a study on children who died from the result of household abuse, 40 of 42 of them (95%) were diagnosed with disabilities. Van Eck is not some caricature of ableist ideals - he is a real reflection on how many people and family members view disability. 

Circling back to how Wylan unpacks the inspiration porn trope - he is 3 dimensional, he is not only used to develop the other characters, he is just *chefs kiss* Leigh, imo, put so much love and care into the creation of Wylan and his story and character growth that is representative of a larger feeling in the disabled community. 

That being said, what you non-disabled motherfuckers have done to him.

The “haha Wylan can’t read” jokes aren’t and were not funny. Y’all literally boiled down everything Wylan is to him being dyslexic. And it’s like,,,, the only thing you can say about him. You ignore every other part of him other than his disability, and then mock him for it. There’s so much you can say about Wylan - simping for Jesper, being band kid and playing the fuckin flute, literally anything else. But no, you just chose to mock his disability, excellent fucking job!

Next up on “ableds stfu” - infantilization! y’all are so fucking condescending to Wylan, and treat him like a fucking toddler. And while partly it is due to his sexuality i think a larger portion is him being disabled. Its in the same vein of people who think that Wylan and Jesper are romantically one sided, and that Jesper only kind of liked Wylan, despite the canon evidence of him loving Wylan just as much. You all view him as a “smol bean”, who needs protecting, and care, when Wylan is the opposite of that. He is a fucking demolitions expert who suggested waking up sleeping men to kill them - what about that says “uwu”. You are treating Wylan as a burden to Jesper and the other Crows when he is an immensely valuable, fully autonomous disabled person - you all just view him as damaged. 

And before I get a comment saying that “uhhh Wylan isn’t real why do you care” while Wylan may not be real, how you all view him and treat him has real fucking impacts and informs how you treat people like me. If someone called me an “uwu baby boy” they’d get a fist square in the fucking jaw. Fiction informs how we perceive the world and y’all are making it super fucking clear how you see disabled people. 

Finally, I wanted to talk about how the social model of disability is portrayed through Wylan. For those who are unaware, the social model of disability contrasts the medical model, that views the disability itself as the problem, that needs to be cured, whereas the social model essentially boils down to creating an accommodating society, where disability acceptance and pride is the goal. And we see this with Wylan - he is able to manage his father’s estate, with Jesper’s assistance to help him read documents. And this is not out of pity or charity, but an act of love. It is not portrayed as this almighty act for Jesper to play saviour, just a given, which is incredibly important to show, especially for someone who has been abused by family for his disability like Wylan, that he is accepted. 

Yet, I still see people hold up Jesper on a pedestal for “putting up with” Wylan, as if loving a disabled person deserves a fucking pat on the back. It’s genuinely exhausting trying to engage with a work I love so much with a fandom that thinks so little of me and my community. It fucking shows. 

Overall, Leigh Bardugo as a disabled person wrote two incredibly meticulous and empowered disabled characters, and due to either lack of reading comprehension, ableism, or a quirky mix of both, the fandom has ignored canon and the experiences of disabled people for…. shits and giggles i guess. And yes, there are issues with the Grishaverse and disability representation - while I haven’t finished them yet so I do not have an opinion on it, people have been discussing issues in the KOS duology with ableist ideals. This mini series was no way indicative of the entire disabled experience, nor does it represent my entire view on the representation as a whole. These things need to be met critically in our community, and talked about with disabled voices at the forefront. For example, the limited perspective we get of Wylan and Kaz being both white men, does not account for a large portion of the disabled community and the intersection of multiple identities.

All-in-all, Critique media, but do not forget to also critique fandom spaces. Alternatively, just shut the fuck up :)

happy fucking disability pride month, ig

#soc #six of crows #kaz brekker #soc kaz #kaz talk tag #kanej #grisha #grishaverse #ketterdam #leigh bardugo #bardugo #crooked kingdom #ck #wylan #wylan van sunshine #wylan supremacy #jesper x wylan #wesper #jesper fahey #shadow and bone #wylan van eck #jan van eck #ableism #ableist bullshit #ableist slurs #disability #disability pride month #i will punch you in the face #el oh el #laugh out loud

[ladydaemon]

SICK DAYS

kaz brekker x female! reader

A/N: Yes, I realize how cliché and very non-Kaz this is. I tried my best guys, but I am in the mood for fluff and only fluff so yeah.

Summary: After a night in the rain, Y/N has a cold and it's up to Kaz to take care of her, a difficult task indeed.

Warnings: swearing, really horrible writing, not proofread writing, just me spitting out Words™ at three in the morning

Dangerous assassins do not need sick days.

It was an extremely hypocritical thought, and Y/N knew it. She thought the thought anyway, because at this point, there seemed to be no aspect in her life that was not fueled entirely by spite.

"Please, for the love of the Saints, go to sleep, Y/N," Inej begged, forcing the woman back onto the bed. "You are sick. You need rest."

"I do not need rest, I need caffeine and waffles," the wheezing woman replied stubbornly, trying to get past Inej, who was blocking the doorway of her room. The Slat, usually thundering with noise and chatter, was silent as the grave - it was one of the rare days in Ketterdam where it was sunny, and everyone was either out enjoying the weather or enjoying pickpocketing someone who was enjoying the weather. "I am a grown-ass woman who also happens to be very good at using the bang-bang machines we call guns so please move aside, I need fresh air."

It was arguably entirely Y/N's fault that she was stuck inside in the first place - first, she had stayed out in the rain too long, despite Kaz's numerous protests. Second, she had, in a grave act of stupidity, gone down for breakfast the next morning. Normally, this would not have been a problem. However, on this particular day, her eyes were red and swollen and itchy and her lungs hurt and it was generally very obvious that she had a cold.

These were the deciding factors which led to her ultimate demise:

House arrest.

Though the fact that she was notorious for her spontaneous, impulsive, reckless, throw-caution-to-the-wind nature (along with the fact that Kaz, from multiple bad experiences he would rather not repeat, knew that she had nearly no self-preservation skills) probably had something to with it.

Also she apparently needed a chaperone. Which was probably a good idea, but Y/N wasn't about to admit that anytime soon.

"You are seventeen and you have a window, darling," the smooth voice of one Kaz Brekker, the devil himself, interrupted Y/N's feeble excuse of an escape.

"But Kaz," Y/N whined, pouting. Inej gave the man an exasperated look as if to say, See what I've been dealing with?

"Darling, you'll only have to stay here longer if you don't try and get better."

"Still."

Kaz, lips twitching in a very non-Kaz way, turned to Inej. "You can go. I suppose I'll play nursemaid."

The Wraith chucked darkly, already stepping out Y/N's window. "Good luck with that."

As soon as she had climbed out the room and was well out of earshot, Kaz turned on his heel and walked out. Y/N, thoroughly confused, took a second to contemplate whether this act was meant that she was officially free, or that she was supposed to follow him. Her question was answered a moment later when he called out, not sparing her a backwards glance, "Are you coming?"

She sighed dejectedly, following him up the stairs to hid room. With a flamboyant and smug bow, he opened the door for her. "Ladies first."

She rolled her eyes at him but entered the room nonetheless. Kaz closed the door behind him and strode heavily to his desk, taking the time to shuffle and order some papers. Y/N stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, unsure as to what in the hell she was supposed to do. Kaz flicked his eyes up to her and jerked his head towards the black-sheeted bed that occupied almost a fourth of the room.

She stared at it for a moment. "You want me to sleep. On your bed. While you watch." It came out more an incredulous statement than a question.

"Sorry to break it to you, but I can't devote all my time to taking care of you, and I also can't leave you alone unsupervised while ill. This is our compromise," Kaz explained somewhat impatiently.

"I am not going to get in that crusty-ass bed, that, in case you have forgotten, belongs to my boss, AKA you. For all I know you sleep nude."

One of Kaz's eyebrows twitched. "The sheets were changed this morning. And for the record, I don't."

"Still not going to do it. That takes the creepy-o-meter to like, a thousand."

"You're a criminal who spies on brothels. This is nothing."

"Still not doing it. This feels fundamentally wrong."

"I'll buy you a nice dagger if you just shut up and get in the damn bed." Saints, he was already exasperated, and he had barely been here five minutes. A new respect for Inej found its way into his being.

Y/N went quiet for a minute, considering. "One of the serrated ones with the fancy gilded handles?"

"Whatever dagger your heart desires."

"Two daggers and a gun."

"One dagger and a gun."

"Deal," Y/N decided, plopping down on the bed. It still felt wrong, but she did need a new dagger - Wylan had blown hers up in a previous job.

She carefully peeled the pristine sheets and blankets away from the mattress, half expecting a dozen poisonous things to pop out. The only thing it released was the strangely comforting smell of wood oil and ink (and a bit of gunpowder, but this was Kaz Brekker we're talking about).

Y/N slipped beneath the covers, her head resting comfortably on the cloud-like pillows.

I bet this bitch sleeps like a baby every night.

"I can still beat your ass, Brekker," she mumbled. Yeah, she was sick, but she also had a reputation to uphold.

"On a regular day, I have no doubt about it. Currently, you are prohibited from doing anything that isn't sleeping, peeing, or contemplating life. Doctor's orders."

"Well, I'm going to go pee then. More freedom." She attempted to stand up from the surprisingly soft bed but the in the second it took for her to try and stand, Kaz, moving surprisingly quickly for a man with a cane, pinned her to the bed by her shoulders with an exasperated sigh.

"Just stay still. Please," he breathed.

"Get me a sweet bun and maybe," she breathed back, but didn't move. Despite her almost child-like demeanor, she was one of the original Dregs, here as a child even before Kaz. He had been the only one her age when he had joined, so naturally, she had befriended him (well, as much as you can befriend Kaz Brekker). She knew about his phobia of touch, and how much it meant that he was touching her, even with his gloves on.

Kaz released her with a sigh and stalked over to his desk where he rummaged around for a bit until he produced a small tin that looked abut as old as he was. He tossed it at her and she grabbed it, opening it to see some biscuits that looked as hard as rocks. "That's all I have, and all you're going get. Don't break a tooth."

Y/N sighed, staring at the biscuits mournfully before taking one out of the tin and gnawing on it. It would have been easier to bite on the barrel of one of Jesper's guns. "You're mean."

"You're acting like a petulant child."

Y/N made a disgruntled noise from the back of her throat, sinking back into the silk pillows and wrapping the blankets tighter around her. She had made no visible mark on the cookie, and had only succeeded in covering it with slobber. She put it back in the tin and noticed Kaz wrinkle his nose at her.

She doubted the biscuits would ever see the light of day again.

She watched Kaz do his paperwork, a surprisingly interesting thing to do. He had taken off his hat and jacket, and rolled up his sleeves. He even took his gloves off, preferring to use a pen without the ridiculous slipperiness of the leather. The papers shuffled in a soothing rhythm, and soon, Y/N began to feel less cooped up and a bit more relaxed.

Ever since she had been taken away from her family and thrown onto the tiny slaving ship, Y/N had always had a touch of claustrophobia (well, it was a bit more than a touch, but she wasn't willing to admit that just yet). The tiny room with a mattress on the flooor was really just a decoration at this point - she slept on the roof most nights and every waking hour was in Ketterdam, simply walking if there were no pockets to be picked.

Drowsily, she watched as Kaz scratched something out on paper, his face creasing ever so slightly. The pen made a nice sound, she found, and paired with the strangely calming scent of his room and the rustling of papers, it made her feel almost like it was rainy day, the kind where you curled up by the fire and read a book or cuddled with someone.

"I doubt staring at my face will help you fall asleep, love," Kaz noted without looking up from his work.

"Your face is the most interesting thing here."

For the barest fraction of a second, Kaz looked like he had short-circuited. The moment was gone as soon as it came, however, and he simply raised an eyebrow at her. "You're very immature sometimes."

"Thanks!" Y/N said cheerfully. "It was the trauma."

"Trauma hardens people, it doesn't make them softer," Kaz dismissed.

"I agree wholeheartedly. However, there's a difference between an excellent mask and incompetence," she replied. "Now come over here and show what's bothering you, I can see it on your face."

Kaz looked up at her, noting the fact that she probably wouldn't shut up unless he did as she asked. He rolled his eyes, hobbling over to the bed. As he sat, she could feel his weight pushing the mattress down.

Before he could say a word, she snatched the paper in his hands and began scanning it. "What's wrong with it?"

"The numbers don't add up."

She stared at the document for another second, then back up at Kaz. "Who are you and what have you done with Kaz Brekker?"

He blinked at her.

"You forgot to carry the one. The numbers don't add up because you... well, added them wrong," she explained softly. She looked up at him, concern crossing her features. "Do you need a nap?"

Kaz huffed out a breath. "I'm fine. You're just distracting me, that's all."

"We're going to ignore the fact that you think I'm distracting and instead focus on the fact that you have not slept in several days."

Kaz's nostrils flared slightly in indignation. Before he could speak, however, Y/N cut him off. "Kaz, I have known you since I was eleven. I'm also not fucking blind. Yes, I know you are essentially running a mafia at age seventeen. Yes, I know you are under pressure. Yes, I know there is at any given moment a bounty on your head. Yes, I know I am sick and it is technically your job to take care of me. But can we please just make a deal or a truce or something in which you get some fucking rest?"

Kaz was quiet for a moment before the corner of his mouth twitched. "Always the mother hen for everyone except yourself."

She was startled into a laugh. "What can I saw, I was a born hypocrite."

Kaz did end up getting a couple hours of sleep, even if it was at Y/N's insistence.

However, he almost regretted it when Jesper barged in and, with a gleeful cackle, found them both sleeping in the same bed with one of his legs pressed up against hers - Kaz's version of flat-out cuddling.

Almost.

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #six of crows #grishaverse #kaz brekker imagine

[yesimwriting]

The Promise of Rain, blurb 2

The Promise of Rain (part 2?? technically) 

A/n I was not originally planning a second part for this but some people wanted it and this idea came to me and it works better with the context of ‘The Promise of Rain’ but it can technically be read as a stand alone :))

Anyways this might turn into a small series of kinda connected blurbs that are all kind of canon with each other but aren’t necessarily connected except for the reader’s background (the reader is a very sunshine-y person and knows Kaz bc she’s a runaway princess that he was hired to bring back home but she managed to convince him to let her work for him instead)

--

The night air had left me with a chill that made me want nothing more than to have my covers draped over me as I read. I’m normally more sociable after a job, especially after such a simple and safe ending, but a lot of tonight had left me wanting to be alone. 

Well, not truly alone. The company of my books is always welcomed, but tonight I can’t seem to find much comfort within the pages. After almost every paragraph, I find myself distracted by gusts of wind and thoughts of the heavy, silver clouds that seem to make up tonight. A part of me longs for the rain. I know it’s ridiculous to expect rain each time I desire some sense of comfort, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it. Especially when the sky so clearly implies it. 

“This must be the fifth time I’ve come here and you’ve been reading.” Kaz’s sudden appearance is almost enough to shake away my lingering somberness. 

I roll my eyes slightly, turning my attention back to the page in front of me. “That observation is just a testament to how often you come in here.” 

His glare is half hearted, a look I’d find endearing if I was less annoyed. “Where else am I going to find a reminder that good people exist in Ketterdam?” 

I think he may have a sixth sense that warns him when I’m treading the line between being annoyed and displeased. Everytime I find myself mad at him in a way that makes me want to avoid him instead of yell at him, Kaz makes some ridiculously heart-melting comment. He steps further into the room. I don’t miss the way he eyes my stretched out legs. Ever since the conversation we had after he woke up after an injury, we’ve fallen into the unmentioned habit of silently inviting the other to stay by moving to make room for them. 

It had started the day after the conversation in which Kaz had admitted that he wanted me to stay with him. He had been sitting on the small couch while discussing the details of a job. Shortly after I walked in he made a point of shifting so that he was clearly on one side of the couch. I didn’t think much about sitting down, but Inej and Jesper exchanged a look. 

Now, though, I keep my legs stretched out on the bed. He eyes my position on the bed, something grim crossing his features. 

“It might rain tonight.” 

He knows me so damn well. I hate it. “I hope so.”

I turn my head, analyzing the way the world seems to be on the cusp of something. I stare at the silver clouds until I feel something hard tap my leg. The tap is firm but not painful. I’m quick to look at Kaz as he lowers his cane. The mention of rain had been a distraction. 

“You distracted me on purpose.” 

“The first rule of the Barrel is to always be prepared.” There’s a slight uptilt to his lips, something I’ve learned to interpret as a sign of teasing. 

How is he so easy to be around one second and so cold the next? I resist a smile. “I’ll take notes.” 

Kaz ignores my passive aggressive tone. His focus seems to be on my legs that have still not moved to offer him a place next to me. “You wear your emotions too openly.” Great, he’s going to make us talk about it. “What reason could you possibly have to be mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you.” It’s a partial truth. 

His expression harshens. “Don’t lie.” 

“I’m not thrilled with you, but I don’t think that’s the same as being mad.” 

Kaz lets out a partial sigh. “No, they’re not the same.” Such an early concession feels like a trap. “With you, the first option is worse.” I don’t have anything to say to that. “Is this because of what I said to Jesper?” 

My posture straightens on instinct. “He wants your validation more than he’d ever admit and I understand that expressing praise isn’t exactly something you do, but would it kill you to not actively insult him?” 

“I didn’t say anything that was wrong. He thinks he’s a gambler but he’s just someone born for losses.” The look I give him must mean something to him, because Kaz is quick to tact on, “That doesn’t make him less valuable of an asset or less relatively dependable.” 

I eye him cautiously, the slightest bit of vulnerability playing at his features. “Don’t look at me like that--and don’t tell me that. Jesper’s the one who could use the occasional reminder from you that you hold him to any regard with positive connotations.” His lips press together like he’s thinking about scolding me for scolding him. “It’s only because I know you care more about Jesper than you’d ever let on.” 

“Jesper’s esteem can handle the blow.” The curtness of his voice is a blow in its own sense. “And he didn’t exactly deserve to be in my good graces after what he did tonight.” 

My sigh is not weighted enough to match Kaz’s newfound fountain of emotion. “We were successful--”

“He left you.” I didn’t know Kaz’s voice was capable of such harshness. “I paired him with you, and he left you--and you almost didn’t make it.” I let the weight of his words take up all the available space in the room, keeping the silence that follows them until some of the heaviness has dissipated. “He could have cost me one of my best people.”

Oh. His harshness, his unwarranted coldness, had been a manifestation of his concern. For me. Guilt knots my stomach. Potential words that may offer Kaz some sort of support raise and die back down in my throat. Kaz turns towards the door. 

“Kaz.” He pauses. There’s a long moment in which I think he won’t turn around, but finally, he does. I tuck my legs beneath me, forcing myself to sit up a little straighter. “I told Jesper to leave because I knew the job would have failed if he had been trapped in that room with me.” I drop my gaze towards the window. “I was right, the job was successful, and I got out in time so it was worth it.”

“You risked your safety?” The harsh facet of his being is making its return in full force. 

“For the job,” I’m careful to keep my words factual, “It’s what we’re supposed to do.”

Kaz’s jaw locks. “When I said that keeping you near me would ruin you this is what I meant.” 

Is it really this big of a deal? I made it out. “Kaz.”

“This wasn’t my best idea.” His words are leached of anything. “You’re going back home. Tomorrow I’ll arrange the voyage myse--” 

“Kaz Brekker you may get to live your life doing anything you want but you don’t get to control mine.” My chin raises an inch, an instinctual act of subtle rebellion. “I am not going back there, even if I’m technically indebted to you because you didn’t return me to my father but that does not mean I’ll--”

“I’m not trying to control you.” His words are sharp, boarding on a yell. “A job like that one wasn’t worth you.” 

From Kaz, I know those words are heavy. There’s a lot of things I could say to that. I could tell him that I wanted to do something for him. I could say that I appreciate him telling me that. I could even say that in his own way, Kaz giving Jesper a hard time because he left me, is kind of cute in a misguided way. The thing is I think all of these responses will make things worse. 

“Kaz,” I keep my voice as steady as possible, “I’m fine, you’re fine, it all worked out.” Scratching the back of my arm, I exhale gently. “I’ll be more careful next time, I promise.” 

I watch him carefully, there’s a slight slump to his shoulders as he exhales. Is the fight leaving him so easily? He walks further into the room. “You better.” He sits down in the space I provided for him slowly. “If you’re not you’ll have worse things to worry about than anything that can happen to you on a job.” He moves his cane forward easily, tapping my knee in a swift motion. 

I roll my eyes at the mock threat. “They do say that there’s nothing to fear in the Barrel like the Dirtyhands.” 

“Remember that.” Any edge in his voice is forced. I fight against a smile that seems to always want to break across my face whenever I think I see something resembling lightness in Kaz. 

“I don’t think I could forget anything about you.” 

He turns his head slightly. “You should.” 

“Too bad.” 

Kaz leans his back against the wall, untensing slightly. “I think you just like disagreeing with me.” 

There’s no point in lying about it. “Only because when you argue with me you give me this really particular look.” 

“A look?” 

Adding insult to injury, I smile. “Sometimes you look like you’re too focused on being angry, like you’re compensating for something.” 

Kaz lets out a bitter sigh. “Maybe if you were less of a puppy I wouldn’t have to--”

The laugh that escapes is most definitely a mistake. “Did you just call me a puppy?” I don’t give him a chance to reply, laughter taking over again. “I mean this in the least argumentative way possible--but you’re so weird sometimes.” 

He rolls his eyes, tensing. “I’m leaving.”

I stifle the rest of my laughter. “No. I was--I was kidding!” I keep my eyes on Kaz, expecting some type of annoyed glare, but his expression is a lot more weighted than that. Odd. “Kaz?” 

“You need to be more careful.” I understand Kaz’s pause as something he does before saying something outside of his nature. “I’m not asking you this as a Crow or a Dreg.” 

On instinct, my posture straightens. “I promised and I meant it.” 

“Sometimes I wish I could believe in Saints,” his voice has taken off a distant quality, almost fragile, “That way I could believe something existed to help what matters.” 

Oh. “You never fail, even if I didn’t believe in Saints I’d believe in you.” 

“You’re wasting your faith.” The sound of lightning cracking is almost enough to make me jump. The rain finally came. 

I know I’ll never convince him that that’s not true. “I don’t think so, but that’s why it’s called faith.” 

“I have faith in some things.” His expression is far off. 

“Like what?” 

Kaz’s eyes find the window. “People that find meaning in the rain.” 

Something in my chest swells. “You’re like the rain.”

We sit there in silence, watching raindrops glide down the window. “What were you reading?” 

The question has me dropping my gaze to the forgotten book on my lap. “I stole this book from the palace before I left. It was my mom’s favorite, she’s read it so much the spine’s completely cracked and the cover is practically falling off.” 

“Hm…” He mumbles. “Read some, the books read in a palace must be worthwhile.” 

A part of me wants to tell him that elitism has no place in literature, but his request leaves me frozen. I nod once, turning to the first page of the book. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife--” 

“Your upbringing makes sense--” 

“You can’t judge it off the first sentence,” he’s insufferable, “It’s setting up irony, and if you’re going to complain--” 

He lets out a conceding sigh. “I’m listening, I’m not interrupting.” 

I keep my eyes on him for a second longer than I should. “Okay.” Dropping my gaze back to the book, I adjust my grip on the worn paperback, “Good.” 

And then I keep reading. 

--

@theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7 @lonelystarship @mentally-in-northern-italy @uhanddreag 

#six of crows #six of crows x reader #soc #soc imagine #six of crows imagine #six of crows x you #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone netflix #shadow and bone show #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone x you #kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #imagines #kaz brekker imagine #my works #blurb #x reader #grishaverse #grisha x reader #grisha #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse imagine

[triptuckers]

Two Homes (part 5/7) - Nikolai Lantsov

Request: no Pairing:  Nikolai Lantsov x reader Summary:  even though you were determined to leave the palace as soon as you could, you now find yourself waking up in a luxurious room of the palace months later  Warnings: angst Word count:  4.7K..... yea A/N: for the sake of this series, nikolai never gave alina the lantsov emerald lol also this turned out longer than I planned it to be but do I regret it? maybe a bit not in the slightest, enjoy reading! :) (also I know I posted part 4 like yesterday but I want this one out there cause a lot happens & I want to post part 6 & 7 so bad) PREVIOUS PART | NEXT PART TAG LIST (two homes and/or all grishaverse fics): @godsofwriting@im-constantly-fangirling @ayushmitadutta @mrs-brekker15@dancingwith-sunflowers @thegirlwiththeimpala @parker-natasha @story-scribbler @romanoffstarkovs @daliareads @meiitanoia @itsnotquimey (if your name is in bold it means I couldn't tag you) @sanktaesperanza @whymyparentscheckmyphone @aleksanderwh0r3 @ilovemarvelanne1 add yourself to my tag lists here 

For someone who had dreaded going to Os Alta, you find yourself starting to actually like it. After pulling you aside, out of earshot of your father, Nikolai explained to you why he told your father he’d picked you as his bride.

When he told you it was to ensure he couldn’t control your life any longer, you got confused, asking him why he would do such thing. In response, he recalled the conversation you had at the gardens, when you told him your father had been controlling your entire life, and how people had made decisions for him his entire life as well. 

Nikolai merely said he thought you deserved to make your own choices for once. Even if it meant living at the palace, far away from Ketterdam.

You had agreed to stay at the palace. You knew you couldn’t go back to Ketterdam now. The news of Nikolai picking you as his bride would probably travel faster than you’d like to.

While you did like Nikolai, and you enjoyed the little time you had spent with him, you made it clear you still didn’t want to marry him. That a part of still longed for Ketterdam. 

Nikolai listened to you explaining your choices, and respected them. While both of you knew all eyes would be on you after announcing the engagement, you also knew you couldn’t push it back any further. Not after all the rumours. 

He did agree to wait with picking an actual wedding date, giving you enough time to get used to your new life. You had told him you had no intention of marrying him, but over time you found yourself thinking more and more about it.

You’re amazed by the palace, and the life you live now. Every day, you walk around the palace, finding new routes and rooms. You start to think you might never see all of it in one lifetime. And you visit the gardens as well. 

You keep the yellow flower Nikolai had given you next to the mirror in your room. But you’d never tell him that, he’d tease you endlessly about it. 

As more weeks pass by, you spend more time with Nikolai, as well as his triumvirate. He’d invited you to few of their meetings, telling you if you ever did get married, you’d have to attend them as well. And the sooner you got used to it, the better.

At first, it felt a little weird. You walk around with Nikolai and everyone knows you as his future bride. While it feels odd, Nikolai’s presence is a comforting one. And the more you get to know him, the more you actually start to like him. Maybe staying at the palace wouldn’t be so bad as you thought it would be.

He spends a lot of time getting to know you. You have long conversations about your life in Ketterdam and his time in the army. About both of your dreams for the future, and what you want to achieve. But you also talk about small and simple things such as your favourite dish, or a book you love. 

Most of the talks take place in the gardens or your room. You like getting to know the Nikolai beneath the mantle of king. You start to realise the two of you aren’t so different. If you had been born in a different city, you might have been childhood friends. 

On a particularly sunny spring morning, the two of you walk around the gardens again. Nikolai doesn’t even have to offer his arm to you, you already place your hand on it. After some time, you’ve slipped into an easy morning routine, which sometimes includes a walk through the gardens.

‘How long until the Summers Week blooms again?’ you ask him as you walk past the familiar bush.

Nikolai glances at the same bush. ‘Probably a couple of months.’ he says. ‘Why do you ask?’

‘I think they’re beautiful.’ you as the two of you sit down on the same bench you sat on so many months ago, when you had escaped the ball. ‘It really is a shame they only bloom for such a short period of time.’ 

‘Do you still have that one flower I gave you when we met?’ asks Nikolai.

You glare at him. You just know he’d never let you forget it if he knew you kept it. ‘Yes.’ you say. ‘I wouldn’t throw it away.’

And indeed, a smug look appears on Nikolai’s face. ‘I’m delighted you didn’t throw it away.’ he says. 

You playfully roll your eyes. ‘I expect a new one when they bloom again.’ you say.

‘I’ll make sure to give you one, sweetheart.’ he says with a smile. 

You feel your cheeks heat up at the mention of the nickname. He’d called you nicknames on more than one occasion. You still weren’t used to it. Maybe it had to do something with the fact that Nikolai seems to always look good.

You look at the bush again, getting lost in your thoughts. Nikolai seems to notice. After a while of silence, he speaks up.

‘What’s on your mind?’ he asks you.

You wonder when get got so good at reading your face. ‘I’ve been thinking about, well, all of this.’ you say, gesturing to the gardens and the palace behind you. 

Nikolai turns so he can properly look at you. ‘And?’ he says.

‘I have to admit, life at the grand palace isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. And it has been nice not to have my father following me around all day long. I still miss Ketterdam, but maybe not as much as I used to.’ you say. 

You briefly look at Nikolai and notice a faint smile on his lips as he’s listening to you.

‘Plus, the company isn’t so bad.’ you say. ‘I know I made it clear I didn’t want this. But the time I've spent here has been very nice. Everyone is so kind, and I love the walks around the palace.’

‘What exactly are you saying, Y/N?’ says Nikolai, though the look on his face tells you he already knows. 

You take a deep breath. ‘I’m saying I’m willing to do this. I think I could be happy here. I’m willing to marry you. Even it it’s just for the sake of Ravka. I’d rather marry you than some old merchant back in Kerch.’ you say.

Nikolai smiles. ‘That’s good to hear.’ he says. ‘Was it my dashing smile or charming personality that made you decide to stay?’

‘Don’t get cocky now, Nikolai.’ you chuckle.

‘Sweetheart, have you actually met me? I’ll always be cocky.’ he says. 

You laugh and Nikolai reaches out to take one of your hands in his.

‘But on a more serious note, I really am glad you decided to stay. I didn’t lie when I said you’re nice company.’ he says. ‘And now I can finally give you this.’

He gets something out of his pocket and holds it in his closed fist.

‘Close your eyes.’ he says.

You slightly raise your eyebrows. ‘Really?’ you say. 

‘Really.’ says Nikolai, smirking at you.

You do as he says and close your eyes. You feel how Nikolai lifts your hand and slides something on your finger. You feel the weight of it on your finger and can tell what it is before Nikolai tells you to open your eyes.

A ring with a beautiful green emerald sits on your finger. Your lips part in surprise. He doesn’t even have to say it, you know this ring.

‘This is the Lantsov emerald.’ you say as you look at him.

‘It’s really just an emerald like any others.’ says Nikolai, looking at your hand which is still in his. ‘But that is what most people call it, yes.’

You admire the ring on your finger. ‘It’s beautiful.’ you say. When you look up, you see Nikolai looking at you with an odd expression on his face.

‘What is it?’ you say.

He simply smiles at you and shakes his head. ‘Nothing.’ he says. He gets up and offers you his arm again. ‘Shall we go back to the palace? It’s almost lunch time.’ 

You nod and get up as well but instead of laying your hand on his arm, you grab his hand and intertwine your fingers with his instead. The two of you walk back to the palace, and you try to ignore the way people look at your left hand, clearly eyeing the emerald ring. 

This would be yet another rumour that would spread impossibly fast. You had to write another letter to the Crow Club soon. You’d rather have your friends find out through you, than because of rumours. 

You’d been writing letters to the Crows since you decided you stay at the palace. You told them about your life at the palace, and in return they told you what was going on in Ketterdam. 

You loved receiving letters from them. They each took turns writing you, and all of them signed the letter. 

Once you had lunch, Nikolai got called away to another meeting, and you went to your room to write a letter to Ketterdam. As usual, you started off by asking them how they were doing, if any jobs went wrong, and a new prediction on how many card games Jesper had lost. 

You then wrote about finally accepting the fact you’d marry Nikolai. Despite the chances being low they could attend, you invited them to the wedding anyway. You told them you’d send them a formal invitation with the date as soon as you picked a date. 

And then the chaos started. Genya insisted on being in charge of the planning, and she also sketched you a few designs for your wedding dress. They were all equally stunning, and you couldn’t pick one. Eventually, Nikolai picked the one he thought would suit you best.

Zoya was in charge of putting together the guest list. When she asked you who you wanted to invite, you gave her the names of the Crows. She seemed a bit taken aback you’d invite them because after all, they were criminals. You hadn’t yet told her you’d been part of the Crows for many years as well.

When you looked at the list she was writing, you noticed your father’s name on it as well. He’d sent you many letters, which you ignored. You took the pen from Zoya’s hand and crossed his name off the list without a word. 

Time seemed to fly by at an alarmingly speed. Before you know it, you wake up on the morning of your wedding. Until this day, it seemed like a strange concept somehow. As if you couldn’t fully realise it. 

But when your eyes land on your wedding dress, you feel like for the first time, the realisation of what’s about to happen finally sinks in. You would marry Nikolai. You would take his name and you would become a queen. Of a country that’s not even your own.

A knock on your door catches you off guard and you call for them to come in. Genya enters, followed by a few servants. She’s beaming at you, clearly excited about today.

‘Are you ready?’ she says.

‘More like the most nervous I’ve ever been.’ you say.

Genya smiles at you as she sits down on the bed next to you. ‘I understand you’re nervous.’ she says. ‘But I promise you it’ll be alright. We’ll all be here right beside you. And it’s just one day.’

‘One day of ceremonies and traditions and then I’m a queen.’ you say, having an uneasy feeling in your stomach. 

‘Nikolai will be there by your side. And we will be there as well.’ says Genya. ‘Now let’s get you in that dress.’

She rises to her feet and motions for you to get up as well. You hesitate. 

‘Could you, um, go and get Nikolai?’ you ask her, avoiding her eyes. ‘I want to talk to him.’

‘Of course.’ she says and she immediately leaves the room. You get up and start to pace the room, ignoring the servants who are patiently waiting for you. It doesn’t take long for Genya to return with Nikolai. 

Nikolai smiles at you and asks the servants and Genya to leave the room, which they do. 

By the looks of it, Genya caught him while he was getting dressed. His hair is still messy and his shirt is hastily tucked into his pants. He walks up to you, looking at you.

‘What can I do for you?’ he says. 

‘I’m nervous.’ you say.

‘If it helps, I’m nervous too.’ he says.

‘But you always manage to hide it behind a curtain of flirty comments and confidence.’ you say. ‘I wish I could do that.’

‘Y/N, just because I always know what to say, doesn’t mean I don’t get nervous.’ says Nikolai.

He reaches out to take your hand in his and walks you back to your bed, where you sit down. 

‘Listen, it’s completely normal to be nervous. It’s a big day. A lot of important people are going to be present. But I want you to be okay with this, so do you still want to do this?’ he says.

You look at him and frown. ‘Yes, of course!’ you say. ‘We’re not going to cancel this whole thing because I’m nervous. I just hope I won’t throw up because of the nerves.’

Nikolai chuckles. ‘I’m sure you’ll be fine.’ he says. ‘If it makes you feel better, we could practice.’ 

You frown again. ‘Practice what? I know how weddings work, Nikolai.’ you say. 

‘It wasn’t the entire wedding I was talking about.’ says Nikolai. 

You look at him, waiting for him to continue. He looks at your lips instead. 

‘Oh.’ you say softly. That was what he meant. 

Nikolai slowly inches closer to you, leaning in. His eyes switch from your lips to your eyes, silently asking permission. You give the barest of nods and Nikolai closes the remaining space between you, softly pressing his lips against yours. 

You close your eyes and focus on the feeling of his lips on yours. All of the nerves seem to leave your body as you easy into him. When he pulls away, your faces are still close to each other.

‘Well if that’s what you call practicing, I wonder what the real thing is going to do to top that.’ you say.

Nikolai laughs at your words. ‘You’re getting better at your comebacks with every passing day, sweetheart.’ he says.

‘I learn from the best.’ you say, smiling at him.

‘Are you ready for this?’ says Nikolai.

‘I am now.’ you say with a hint of newfound confidence. 

Nikolai nods and gets up. ‘I’ll call Genya back.’ he says.

You get up as well and walk with him to the door. Before opening it, Nikolai takes your hand in his and presses a kiss to your knuckles. With a wink, he opens the door and steps out into the hallway.

Once Genya and the servants enter, she immediately drags you over and pushes you into a chair to do your hair.

‘You don’t seem nervous anymore.’ she says. 

‘I’m not.’ you say. ‘Nikola and I, uh, talked about it.’ you say, unable to stop your cheeks from turning red. 

Genya smiles knowingly at you. ‘I’m sure it was a good talk then.’ she says, emphasising the word “talk”. 

‘It was.’ you say, avoiding her eyes.

The smile never leaves Genya’s face as she finishes with doing your hair. The servants help you to get in the dress, and you finally look at yourself in the mirror. Genya had really outdone herself with the dress. It looks beautiful on you, as if it was meant to be.

You turn to look at her. ‘Thank you.’ you say. ‘Truly. It’s perfect.’ 

‘Don’t thank me. Nikolai is the one who picked the dress.’ she says. ‘Are you ready to go?’

You take a deep breath and nod. Genya links her arm through yours and you start walking toward the small chapel on the palace grounds. The guests had already arrived and were gathered inside. You can hear them talking and chatting excitedly even outside the chapel.

Genya hugs you tightly and disappears inside the chapel. After a few deep breaths to calm yourself again, you firmly plant your feet on the ground. No going back now. 

The doors to the chapel open and you watch as the guests all rise. A last deep breath, and you start walking. Were there really this many people on the list Zoya had put together?

You start to feel nervous again, but then you see Nikolai looking at you. He’s smiling brightly, and looks very handsome. You remember the feeling of his lips on yours, and find your confidence once more. 

You slowly walk down the aisle, smiling as well, and your eyes are fixed on Nikolai. When you finally make it to the front of the chapel, Nikolai smiles as you stop walking. 

‘Still nervous?’ he whispers softly, so only you can hear it. 

‘Not anymore, thanks to you.’ you whisper back. 

You take a quick look at the crowd. You only recognise the people that lived at the palace as well. Thankfully, you don’t see your father in the crowd. But your heart sinks as you don’t spot your Crows either. They didn’t come. 

You had invited them. Maybe they feared being captured if they risked coming to Os Alta? Whatever their reason was, you’re sure it was a good one. You’d send them a letter after the wedding, asking them if maybe an important job had come up. But still, it hurt a little they wouldn’t attend your wedding. 

The wedding itself seems to last minutes. You’re only focused on Nikolai. He holds your hand and you’re grateful he does. It helps keep you grounded. You had expected the wedding to be grand because after all, it is a royal one. But once you leave the chapel, hand in hand with Nikolai, you realise it turned out to be even better than you expected. 

The two of you are silent as you walk through the halls of the palace. You see the door to your room in the distance, but Nikolai walks right past it. When you raise your eyebrows in question at him, he points at the door to his room in the distance.

‘They’d expect us to share a room. It’d be a bit weird if we got married but sleep in separate rooms.’ he says. ‘Don’t worry, the bed is large enough to fit both of us without having to cuddle close. Not that I would mind if you did.’

You chuckle at his words as he opens the door to his room. You’re thankful to be away from all the guests. You appreciated that they all came to attend the wedding, but you got tired of listening to their congratulations over and over again. 

Once the door closes behind you, you immediately bend down to take off your heels. You watch as Nikolai shrugs off his suit jacket and runs a hand through his hair. 

‘That wasn’t so bad, was it?’ he says. 

‘It wasn’t bad at all.’ you say. 

Nikolai studies your face. ‘But there’s something on your mind.’ he says.

‘I just...’ your voice trails off as you try to find the best way to voice your thoughts. Nikolai takes your hand and pulls you down to sit on the bed with him. 

‘I thought they would come.’ you say softly. ‘I invited them, and I know I haven’t seen them in a while, but I thought they’d at least come to my wedding. I spent years with them.’ 

‘Maybe something else got in the way? Maybe something came up and they simply couldn’t make it?’ suggest Nikolai.

You shake your head. ‘Even if Kaz would plan a job, Jesper and Nina would burn down all of Ketterdam if a job prevented them from attending my wedding.’ you say. ‘I can’t think of a single reason why they wouldn’t come. I thought I meant more to them.’ 

‘What if you write them another letter? I’m sure if you just ask them, they’ll explain why they couldn’t be there.’ says Nikolai.

‘I was going to write them about it anyway.’ you say. ‘But first I want to change. As beautiful as this dress is, it’s incredibly heavy.’

‘I had a servant move some of your belongings here already.’ says Nikolai. ‘A part of the closet is now yours.’

‘Thank you.’ you say and you walk over to the closet, opening it. You pick one of your comfortable dresses and go to the bathroom to change. When you get back, you see Nikolai hasn’t changed yet. You didn't mind. He really looked good in a formal suit. 

You move to sit behind Nikolai’s desk to write a letter to Ketterdam. You try to sound polite, but a part of you wants to just write what you’re actually thinking. But the Crows mean the world to you, and you don’t want to hurt them or piss them off. 

Once you finish the letter, you seal it and hand it to a servant, telling them it’s urgent. 

When you get back to the room, you find Nikolai sitting at his desk, fidgeting with something in his hands. Curiously, you walk over to him. 

‘What are you doing?’ you say.

Nikolai looks up and holds out his hand to you. On his palm is a small boat, made out of a piece of rope. You carefully take it from his hand to examine it.

‘How did you learn how to make this?’ you as him.

He shrugs. ‘A lot of practicing.’ he says. 

You smile and hand the little boat back to him. ‘It’s nice.’ you say. ‘Could you teach me how to make one?’

Nikolai nods and pulls out a second chair for you. He spends the rest of the evening trying to teach you how to make a boat out of a piece of rope. While his fingers move smoothly and create the boats with ease, you struggle with it. After all, he had probably done it for many years, whereas you’re only trying it out for the first time. 

When you successfully finish your first boat, you decide to call it a night and go to sleep. Nikolai hadn’t been lying; the bed was big enough to fit the both of you comfortably without invading each other’s personal space. 

Your usual routines don’t change much. Except for the fact you know share a room and a bed. And you notice there are more lingering glances between the two of you. 

Like Nikolai had said, you’re expected to attend important meetings as well. You try to listen to it, but sometimes the meetings just aren’t interesting in your eyes. Luckily you always sit next to Nikolai, who is able to nudge your leg with his boot if he thinks you’re starting to zone out.

You have breakfast together every morning, expect for the mornings when Nikolai isn’t at the palace. You practice making boats out of rope, and you’re improving. Nikolai’s still turn out better than yours, but you’re getting there.

Every day, you ask if there’s mail for you. But somehow the Crows don’t send letters as frequently as they used to. And they had never given you a proper explanation as to why they didn’t attend your wedding. 

Most of the times when you’re lost in thought, you’re thinking about Ketterdam. You hadn’t been there in months, not since the ball. It’s as if the longer you stay at the palace, the more you miss Ketterdam. 

The city had always felt like home. And no matter how much you like spending time at the palace with Nikolai, you can’t help but to feel guilty for being away from Ketterdam for so long. You miss the city, and you miss your Crows.

Nikolai must have noticed something is bothering you, but you dodge his questions. You try to come up with excuses, but eventually, he pulls you aside and stands in front of the door, preventing you from slipping away.

‘Out with it.’ he says. ‘What is going on?’

You look at him, not sure what to say. 

‘Is it our marriage? Do you regret it? Is that why you’re avoiding talking with me?’ says Nikolai.

‘Of course not!’ you quickly say. ‘Nikolai, I do not regret our marriage. I happen like you a lot.’

‘Then what is it?’ says Nikolai. ‘You’re not yourself and I can tell something is bothering you. Let me help you.’

‘I don’t know where to start.’ you say softly, lowering your head and looking at your feet. It all seemed so childish now. 

‘I miss Ketterdam.’ you say softly. You feel tears burning behind your eyes. ‘I miss the harbour, and the tourists flooding the docks. I miss playing card games with Jesper, and going out with Nina. I miss talking with Inej and going over Kaz’ plans with him. I even miss reading to Wylan and trying to win a drinking contest from Matthias. I miss the Crow Club, and their laughter. I miss all of it.’ 

You see how Nikolai’s feet step closer to you and his hands cup your face, tilting it upward so you look at him. He brushes a tear away with his thumb.

‘It’s alright to miss Ketterdam.’ he says. ‘You left everything behind, I understand it if you miss it. It’s been your home for so long.’

‘But this is my home now.’ you say, your voice trembling slightly. ‘Here in Os Alta, with you. I shouldn’t long to go back to Ketterdam as much as I do.’

Nikolai smiles at you, but there’s a hint of sadness in his eyes. ‘I told you a long time ago I won’t let anyone else control the choices you make in life, sweetheart. If you want to go to Ketterdam, I think you should go.’ he says.

You stare up at him, letting his words sink in. ‘But I’m your wife. You’d let me go just like that?’ you say.

‘You are indeed my wife. But I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. If you think you’re happier in Ketterdam than you are at the palace, then you should go. Go and be happy.’ he says. 

‘But I'm happy with you too.’ you say. ‘I just miss my home, that’s all.’

He smiles again. ‘Then you should go home. This is not goodbye forever, you know.’ he says. 

‘Not goodbye forever.’ you say, repeating his words. 

You stand on your toes and lean up to kiss him. Nikolai pulls you closer and you wrap your arms around his waist in response. When you pull back, he rests his forehead against yours.

‘Go.’ he says softly. ‘Go to your Ketterdam, go to your Crows. I’m sure they’d love to see you again.’

You nod and pull yourself out of his embrace. Nikolai watches you as you quickly pack a bag with some essentials. You can’t bear to look at him again as you walk past him, out of the room.

You didn’t know Nikolai followed you from a distance, to see you off. As soon as you got on a horse and left the gates, he stands at the top of the stairs that lead to the entrance of the palace. 

He watches you as you become a smaller and smaller dot on the horizon. The triumvirate, who had seen the two of you leave, joins him on the steps, wondering what Nikolai is looking at.

‘Was that Y/N? says Zoya. ‘Where is she going?’

‘Back to Ketterdam.’ says Nikolai.

Zoya turns to Nikolai. ‘You let her go?’ she says. ‘Saints, Nikolai, why did you let her go?’

Nikolai doesn’t say anything and continues to look at the horizon. Genya is studying Nikolai’s face as he looks at you in the distance. Her lips part in surprise, but her eyes are sad.

‘Because he loves her.’ says Genya.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit

#HA 😌 #me writing this & knowing what's gonna happen: hehe #nikolai lantsov #shadow and bone #grishaverse #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov fanfiction #nikolai lantsov fanfic #nikolai lantsov fanfics #nikolai lantsov fic #nikolai lantsov fics #shadow and bone fanfiction #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone fanfics #shadow and bone fic #shadow and bone fics #two homes series

[shawty-writes-a-little]

Chapter 6

Note: I wrote this chapter for two hours and it’s suddenly 4 am

Warnings: None just fluff

Word count: 1.6k

They took y/n inside to a tent, followed by the general. The healers places her on the bed and started performing that usual practises. Checked pulses, blood pressure, heart rate. General stood there through the whole process until they wanted to check further.

One of the healers turned to him with “general.“ she said pointing to y/n and glanced at the exit of the tent.

General was blank what she was indicating to “Yes?”

“W—We have to check her.”

He sighed and stood there firmly “well go on! who’s stopping you?”

“We have to take off her clothes, do you mind?” She said hesitating.

General cleared his throat and nodded “Call me immediately once you’re done.” He said stepping outside of the tent.

—

It had been evening since y/n gained consciousness. Turns out over using her power and lack of practise resulted in being unconscious for, well 12 hours. General had been checking in on her every hour.

Y/n was lying on bed she had been placed on, quite a shock to herself. Given everything she had done in ketterdam she fainted out of lack of energy? Maybe because she didn’t have to use her powers that much pack there? She kept staring around the room with all these thoughts before the general stepped in. More like barged in.

“Miss y/n!” He said out a sheer relief to himself seeing her awake.

“General.” She sat up letting out a groan form lying in the bed.

“Oh no no please—you need rest.” He told her walking to her beside.

Y/n shook her head and chuckled slightly “it’s alright”

“So? Do you feel better?” He asked sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Yeah-I feel much better..”

“That’s pleasant to hear.” He said giving her a smile.

“Yeah-“ she nodded not knowing what to say.

“I—“ he cleared his throat “I wanted to apologise for earlier.”

“For?” She asked blankly.

“I yelled at you insensitively before-just because I couldn’t swallow my defeat.” He said meeting up her gaze.

Yelling at each other because you don’t agree with them? Nothing new at the crow club she thought. “Oh-That? It’s fine.”

“No it wasn’t-it wasn’t right at the slightest of me to treat you that way.” He admitted.

“I mean it, it’s quite alright.” She shrugged.

“Is there any way I can make it up to you?” He asked with a generous look.

“General like I said it’s not-“

“Alecksandar. Call me alecksandar.”

He cut her off trying to sound as smooth as possible.

“Alecksandar?”

He nodded smiling looking at her from the corner of his eye.

“Alright well for now can you just fetch me a cup of water? My whole body screams in pain if I move.” She said with a sarcastic remark.

He stood up to and walked to the table, poured her a glass of water and walked back to the bed she was sitting on. “You said you were alright?” He asked handing her the glass.

“Thanks! I am. It will go away with a good sleep.”

“Ah well maybe I was right with you lacking training. We’ll have train more once we get back.” He said chuckling.

“What? No-I am properly trained.” She said in a stiff voice.

He sat to the edge of her bedside again but closed this time. “Yes of course, it explains all this.” He teased again.

“Well your training ways are pretty stupid!”

“Pardon?” He said raising a brow.

“They’re stupid.” Y/n admitted mockingly shrugging her shoulders trying not to laugh.

“That’s harsh, they’re not!” He added a sarcastic gasp.

She hit his elbow playfully “sorry to break it to you then.” She hit him again laughing as an annoyed expression was spread across his face.

“Stop it-“

She hit him again with a pillow this time. He had enough now. Alecksandar pushed the pillow away from her and gripped her wrists bringing her closer and a giggle escaped her mouth had he looked into her eyes heartily.

After a while he let go off her wrists still having her face just as close to his not breaking eye contact.

“Y/n...” he whispered. “I’m about to do something very stupid.”

“I like stupid things.” She said smiling.

Before y/n knew he leaned in and crashed his lips onto hers. Cupping her cheeks, she smiled into the kiss as he brushed his lips onto hers.

He broke the kiss to look at her and they were both grinning like children, none of them knew what to say but to look at each other and smile-it wasn’t awkward it was just stupid between them.

“I’ll see you in the morning then.” Alecksandar said with a smirk and stood up.

Y/n nodded at him with a wide grin spread across her face as he bent to plant a peck on her cheek before leaving the tent.

For a while y/n kept blushing to what just happened lying in the bed, but the it hit her what is she going to do when they get back?

——

Y/n and alecksandar hadn’t talked after yesterday yet. Moreover y/n had avoided talking to him until she could figure out what would she tell her friends? Would this even work out nevertheless? The other day when they reached back to the little palace alecksandar had shown eager attempts to talk to y/n, sometimes he would be snatched away to war meetings, sometimes y/n would slip away with an excuse. Y/n didnt plan to do this for long just until she could talk to Jesper. Obviously she decided not to tell kaz and Inej about it rather scared of the outcome. Kaz may plan to leave the very day with our without plan. Inej might as well just loose her mind and threaten to kill the general if he tried to come near her. Y/n avoided alecksandar until she could talk to Jesper who was nowhere to be found she did talk to Kaz and Inej when she returned. Even told them about what happened with the white walkers Kaz not that amused, as long as it wasn’t gonna affect him why would he be? Inej on the other hand was stunned with it. She refused believe when y/n said she killed a white Walker.

It was evening now and y/n finally got hold of Jesper, he came to meet her himself and hugged her tightly. After a moment she pulled away from the hug and looked at him.

“I’ve been looking all over for you for the whole day! Where were you?” She said with an annoyed tone.

“Kaz sent me to get a raven to send letters.”

“A Raven?” Y/n asked confused.

“Yes turns out, the letters kaz had been sending out for months never left little palace.”

“What? They’re not sending out the letters?”

“That’s why the Raven.”

“Wait but who is he sending these letters to?” Y/n asked as they walked by the corridors.

“Hell if he’d ever tell anyone about his plans.” Jesper snorted.

“Ah who am I kidding? It’s Kaz-hey but how did you get a raven?”

“D-don’t ask.” Jesper said with a disgusted look on his face.

“Oh—alright-I need to talk to you about something.”

“Yes?”

“Not here.” She walked both of them to the garden making sure no one was around. “Promise me you can’t tell kaz and Inej.”

“You killed someone?” Jesper asked with a common expression.

“No-why would I come to you if I did?” She said putting emphasis on you.

“Point. Don’t tell me you broke kaz’s cane again? You’ve only been back for a day y/n!”

“I didn’t! Just promise me you won’t tell them.”

“Oh-well then it can’t be that bad I promise you I won’t tell them.”

Y/n told him about her and alecksandar, about what happened and Jesper didn’t say anything even until after she finished narrating.

“Jesper?” Y/n asked nervously what he might say.

“YOU KISSED THE GENERAL?!” He said looking shocked.

“SHH—Jesper! Someone will hear you!”

She shushed him.

“You kissed the general?!” He whispered this time with the same tone.

“He kissed me-well-“ y/n said trying to sound defensive.

Jesper just gave her a really displeased look that read “are you kidding me” on his face.

“Alright alright-we kissed.” Y/n admitted.

“I don’t know if this is or is not worse than breaking kaz’s cane.” Jesper said scoffing.

“Not the time for jokes.”

“Have you talked to the general yet?”

“About what?”

“About ravaka’s future.” Jesper made a sarcastic comment to with y/n narrowed her eyes. “About the two of you. Certainly he doesn’t know we plan to run off does he?”

“That’s why! See-so I don’t know what to do about it now!” Y/n said with a sigh.

“Do you like him?” Jesper asked.

“I shouldn’t.” Y/n admitted dryly.

“Well-he did try to kill us, but he does have a pretty face.”

“And hes a good kisser.” Y/n said blushing to which Jesper rolled his eyes.

“Look—its gonna take kaz more time with letters sent by ravens so in the mean time....” he said shrugging his shoulders.

“You’re not suggesting—“

“We’re eitherways running away eventually but till then you can maybe not break General good kisser’s heart. I mean what’s the harm if you like him back?” Jesper said raising his brows.

“That’s actually not a bad advise Jesper. Coming from you—“ y/n teased.

“Fine then I’ll just tell kaz and Inej.” Jesper said turning back and y/n grabbed his arm.

“Okay no no no-that was a great advise thank you Jesper.”

“Anytime. Just don’t do something stupid hmm?”

“I won’t.”

———

Tag list 🏷

@lazycherri @aleksanderwh0r3 @mygardenmentality @supernaturalcat7 @mizelophsun11 @edithsvoice @lilmaymayy

#jesper fahey #inej ghafa #shadow and bone #kaz brekker #six of crows #ben barnes #nina zenik #alecksandar #brekker by brekker #general kirigan #the darkling #the darkling x y/n #darklina #ben barnes x reader #general kirigan x reader #aleksander morozova

[the-pen-and-the-stethoscope]

So while Six of Crows has been on my to read list for a while now when I saw that Shadow and Bone was coming to Netflix and realized they were all part of the same little universe I was like *rolls up sleeves* K guess it’s time to read five books in one month to prepare for this new series drop. (special shout out to @darklesmylove​ because it’s mostly your blog posts that convinced me I had to read this series...I give you this as a gift...) 

And now I present to you (in the order which I read them) the events in the Shadow and Bone/Six of Crows books that made me go ABSOLUTELY FERAL (wow there’s a lot more of these than I thought there were). 

- “The problem with wanting,” he whispered, his mouth trailing along my jaw until it hovered over my lips, “is that it makes us weak.” (unfortunately the last time I was seduced by the Darkling - NEVER AGAIN BAD SIR! But this was fucking hot) 

- THE. FIGHT. OVER. THE. STAG. (Just...Alina not killing it, the Darkling is here, now he’s going to kill it. NOW ALINA IS IN FRONT OF THE STAG SAVING IT. NOW SHE WANTS MAL TO SACRIFICE HER. NOW THE COLLAR IS AROUND HER NECK AND NOW SHE’S UNDER HIS POWER AHHHHH) Bonus: “Shhhh. Quiet now, or I will let Ivan kill him. Slowly.” 

- When Alina figures out the dream and TAKES THE POWER BACK!!! (yaaaaasss queen!)

- When the Darkling finds Alina and Mal in Cofton and that whole fight scene and her getting bit and then I had to WAIT UNTIL THE REST OF THE BOOKS CAME IN THE MAIL

- “From what I know of the Ice Court, whoever stole my DeKappel is exactly who I need for this job.” “Then you’d be better off hiring him. Or her.” “Indeed. But I’ll have to settle for you.” (I’m 50 pages in and in love with Kaz Bekker, someone help me) 

- “Not just yet, Inej.” The rasp of stone on stone. Her eyes flew open. Kaz. (ugh my cold cold heart is awake and beats only for them!) 

- Because I’ve been looking for an excuse to talk to you for two days. (literally like......)

- When Jordie and Kaz get tricked. (I mean all of Kaz’s back story but that was...ugh..........)

- It was because she was listening so closely that she knew the exact moment when Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, the bastard of the Barrel and the deadliest boy in Ketterdam, fainted. 

- When Nina runs into the guards and the alarm goes off and I realize that I’m an idiot and OBVIOUSLY THINGS WERE GOING TO GO WRONG. 

- WHEN INEJ TOUCHES KAZ’S FACE. His eyes were nearly black, the pupils dilated. She could see it took every last bit of his terrible will for him to remain still beneath her touch. And yet, he did not pull away. She knew it was the best he could offer. It was not enough. 

- He slammed his fist against the window. “Do not speak my name.” Then he smiled, a smile as cold and unforgiving as the northern sea. “Welcome to the Ice Court, Nina Zenik. Now our debt is paid.” (like FUCK MATTHIAS GOT ME TOO. WHAT A GOOD ACT!)

- I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept from this oath. It was the vow of the druskelle to Fjerda. And now it was Matthias’ promise to her. (OMGGGGGG) 

- “This is going to sting a bit,” said the druskelle holding the whip. His voice was rasping, familiar. His hands were gloved. “But if we live, you’ll thank me later.” His hood slid off, and Kaz Brekker looked back at them. 

- The sun was out for once, and Inej had turned her face to it. Her eyes were shut, her oil-black lashes fanned over her cheeks. The harbor wind had lifted her dark hair, and for a moment Kaz was a boy again, sure that there was magic in this world. (YEAH OKAY. AND THIS IS HIS LAST THOUGHT BEFORE DROWNING.) 

- WHEN THEY STEAL THE TANK. THE TANK. AND THEN DRIVE IT THROUGH THE FUCKING TOWN. 

- Nina on parem. 

- “I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.” (SCREEAAAAMS. BANGS HAND AGAINST BOOK. DIES.) 

- “Kaz knew the instant he made his mistake...in that moment of threat, when he should have thought only of the fight, he looked at Inej.” (asdlfkasgkjasglk;sdfjl) 

- I’m going to get my money, Kaz vowed. And I’m going to get my girl. (YEAH BITCH!) 

- When Alina first sees the Darkling while they are traveling the fold (I froze, I read it like four times, I couldn’t believe what was happening)

- When Mal suggests they go to that stupid party and then Alina actually agrees (I literally was like...well something bad is going to happen and I hate it here) 

- When the Darkling shows up after Alina and Mal kiss. “Another otkazat’sya, Alina?” the Darkling mocked. (sdflkajd) 

- “I can’t decide if you’re an idiot, or an idiot.” (ugh Nikolai, marry me) 

- two pages later: “You’re a spectacular actor,” I said drily. “Do you think so?” he asked. Then he leaned in and whispered, “I’m doing ‘humble’ right now.” (FUCK ME)

- “I want to kiss you,” Nikolai said. “But I won’t. Not until you’re thinking of me instead of trying to forget him.” (Am I the only one who found this cute??? Why did Alina get upset??? Do I have Nikolai-colored goggles on??? Maybe...) 

- When the Darkling came to Alina in her sleep and then PRETENDED TO BE MAL SO HE COULD HAVE HIS WAY WITH HER?!?!?!?!?! (ahhhhhhhhhh) “I missed you too, Alina.” That voice. Cool and smooth as glass. (AHHHHH)

- Nikolai stood up, his chair scraping loudly against the parquet floor. “When did you lift the blockades? How long have the roads been open?” (LSDAKLFSDLFDKASLDKLSKLKLL) 

- “Not bad looking?” said another voice. “He’s damnably handsome.” Luchenko scowled. “Since when - “ “Brave in battle, smart as a whip.” Now the voice seemed to be coming from above us. Luchenko craned his neck, peering into the trees. “An excellent dancer,” said the voice. “Oh, and an even better shot.” (And then I damn near died.) 

- There’s a whole three pages (that I will not re-type here) after they arrive at the Spinning Wheel of Nikolai just being *chef’s kiss* flawless. Some great lines include: “Everyone needs a hobby.” “I thought yours was preening.” “Two hobbies.” “Should I be offended that he doesn’t want to dine with us? I set an excellent table, and I rarely drool.” “What a filthy mind you have. I was referring to puzzles and the perusal of edifying texts.” “Last chance to run.” 

- “Alina, I’ll be back to fetch you for dinner, but should you grow restless, do feel free to run screaming from the room or take a dagger to her. Whatever seems most fitting at the time.” (asldjkasl;dkfs;lkd NIKOLAI) 

- Okay gunna skip ahead - you can assume any time Nikolai said anything I screamed. 

- Nikolia’s second proposal (THE EMERALD!!! JUST HOW HE PUTS IT ON TOP OF THE WALL) 

- Nikolai’s third proposal. Nikolai’s skin was warm, his grip gentle. I’d wondered if I would ever feel something so simple again or if the power in me would just keep jumping and crackling. (THIS is why he is perfect for her - no jolt of electricity, just warmth and comfort!!!) 

- SERGEI!!!!

- When Nikolai gets fucking taken over by a nichevo’ya (I HATE EVERYONE)

- When Baghra sacrifices herself 

- When we finally FINALLY find out what makes Mal so special (I mean....his tracking was OTHERWORLDLY I can’t believe people weren’t more fucking freaked out by him) 

- “The Darkling marched on Keramzin.” (Literally screamed: “MY HEART HURTS.” I was crying. I nearly threw the book down. “BUT THE CHILDREN!” I say with my fists in the air. I am become a blade.) 

- Nikolai visiting Alina while he is the monster and trying to make himself better (ahhhhh tears!!! THE EMERALD!!!) The words died on my lips. Nikolai turned my palm over and slid the ring onto my finger. (FUUUUCK. PAAAAIN.) 

- When Nikolai comes back and FIGHTS FOR THEM IN THE FOLD!!!! HE MAY BE A MONSTER BUT HE IS NOT THE DARKLING’S MONSTER, BITCH!! 

- “Please,” I sobbed. “Bring him back to me.” (lkadsflkj this was actually devastating even though I’m not a huge Mal fan)

- “We need more light,” he said. A choked laugh escaped me. I held up my hands, pleading with the light and with any Saint who had ever lived. it was no good. (UGHHHH. MORE PAIN.) 

- Tamar sobbed. Toyla swore. And there it was again: the thready, miraculous sound of Mal drawing breath. (and also the first time I breathed for an entire chapter!) 

- “Alina,” he said and kissed the scar on my palm, “I remember everything.” (Literally the last like twenty pages of this book I just gave up and was like actually Mal is adorable and I need to protect him at all costs.) 

- “Really I just wanted to look at the words.” (ughhhhh) 

- Once a man arrived with a fleet of toy boats that the children launched on the creek in a miniature regatta. The teachers noted that the stranger was young and handsome, with golden hair and hazel eyes, but most definitely off. He stayed late to dinner and never once removed his gloves. (NIKOLAI SIGHTING IN THE EPILOGUE MY HEART GOES ON)

- When Van Eck thinks Kaz is coming to get Inej and then he tells Inej and then she is WILLING HIM to not show up and then it is revealed he wasn’t there all along (BOOM BITCH THAT’S HOW KAZ BREKKER FUCKING WORKS.)

- “Those were my mother’s favorite flower.” 

- “Why the net, Kaz?” I couldn’t bear to watch you fall. (POETRY OKAY?)

- Jesper and Wylan going to see Wylan’s mother and just fucking everything about that chapter. 

- When Inej almost FALLS INTO THE FUCKING SILO AND IT’S THE END OF THE GD CHAPTER 

- “Pick up the pace,” Kaz said, eyeing his watch. “If I spill a single drop of this, it will burn straight through the floor onto my father’s dinner guests.” “Take your time.” 

- “We’ll fight our way out together,” Inej whispered. Nina glanced from Inej to Kaz and saw they both wore the same expression. Nina new that look. It came after the shipwreck, when the tide moved against you and the sky had gone dar. It was the first sight of land, the hope of shelter and even salvation that might await you on a distant shore. (AHHHHHH) 

- Wylan’s first thought was that this boy had the most perfectly shaped lips he’d ever seen. His second was that his father had sent someone new to kill him. (Wylan you are so adorable it’s adorable) 

- Inej was moving before she thought of it. She couldn’t just watch him die, she wouldn’t. They had him down now, heavy boots kicking and stomping at his body. her knives were in her hands. She’d kill them all. She’d pile the bodies to the rafters for the stadwatch to find. But in that moment, through the wide slats in the banister landing, she saw his eyes were open. His gaze found hers. He’d known she was there all along. Of course he had. He always kew how to find her. He age the barest shake of his bloodied head. (THESE TWO!!)

- “My leg! My leg!” “I recommend a cane,” Kaz said. (cackling) 

- When Sturmhond (aka Nikolai ***swoons***) showed up in Crooked Kingdom. (What actually happened: me reading a description of a “fox-like” man with Genya and Zoya and screaming and saying to myself “OMG WHEN I TURN THE PAGE IT WILL CONFIRM THAT NIKOLAI IS IN THE BUILDING I CAN’T” (did I mention I’m in love with him??? already??? k))

- When Jesper and Wylan FINALLY kiss FOR REAL (this was a big chapter for me) This was the kiss he’d been waiting for. It was a gunshot. It was prairie fire. it was the spin of Makker’s Wheel. Jesper felt the pounding of his heart - or was it Wylan’s? - like a stampede in his chest, and the only thought in his head was a happy, startled, Oh. 

- CHAPTER 33 - just everything, everything about the reveals in this chapter. The money being funneled to the Shu, not being able to trace even the RANSOM NOTE back to Kaz. WYLAN SHOWING UP!!!! “ARE YOU SURE THEY WERE PEKKA’S MEN?” !!!!!!!!

- “Do something,” Matthias growled at Kaz. “This is about to turn ugly.” Kaz’s face was as impassive as always. “Do you think so?” (bahahahahaha) 

- Nina’s just complete glee over the chaos she creates!!! “She was the Queen of Mourning, and in its depths, she would never drown.” 

- Jesper using his fucking power!!!!!! 

- She stared up at him. He was going to miss that look of surprise. (HE’S GOING TO LET HER GO. HE KNOWS HE IS GOING TO LET HER GO.)

- KAZ’S PLAN BECOMING CLEAR IN IT’S BRILLIANCE AS EACH CHAPTER GOES BY. 

- Inej frowned. “I thought you and Nina chose four outbreak sites on the Staves.” Kaz straightened his cuffs. “I also had her stop at the Menagerie.” She smiled then, her eyes red, her cheeks scattered with some kind of dust. It was a smile he thought he might die to earn again. (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) 

- “A sedative,” said the medik. “Is that safe for a pregnant woman?” “For me.” (This is just FLAWLESS in its depiction of people who don’t do OB care regularly.)

- Matthias saw the anger there, the rage. He knew it well. But he was still surprised when he heard the shot. (NOOOOOOOO!!!) 

- “Has she at least done it before?” said Kaz. “For this purpose?” asked Sturmhond. “I’ve seen her do it twice. It worked splendidly. Once.” (NIKOLAI I BEG YOU!) 

- When Matthias DIES?!??! (I’M SORRY WHO LET THIS HAPPEN??)

- “You will meet him again in the next life,” said Inej. “But only if you suffer this now.” 

- Wylan getting all of his father’s money because KAZ HAS BEEN PLANNING THIS ALL ALONG??!

- Jesper leaned in and said, quietly enough that no one else could hear, “I can read to him.” (alksdflk;jasfl;jkd that was hot) 

- “Well hopefully the medik will be here to fix my ribs soon,” he said as he headed back into the parlor. “Yeah?” “Yes,” said Wylan, glancing briefly over his shoulder, his cheeks now red as cherries. “I’d like to make a down payment.” (OMG WYLAN?!?!?! IN FRONT OF MY SALAD?!?! IS THIS ALLOWED?!?!)

- At some point, Jesper realized Kaz was gone. “Not one for goodbyes, is he?” he muttered. “He doesn’t say goodbye,” Inej said. She kept her eyes on the lights of the canal. Somewhere in the garden, a night bird began to sing. “He just lets go.” (TEARS.)

- She felt his knuckles slide against hers. Then his hand was in her hand, his palm was pressed against her own. A tremor moved through him. Slowly, he let their fingers entwine. (I gasped so loud i literally woke my cat up from a deep sleep.)

- “Wait,” he said. The burn of his voice was rougher than usual. “Is my tie straight?” Inej laughed, her hood falling back from her hair. “That’s the laugh,” he murmured. (THAT’S THE LAUGH. THAT’S THE LAUGH. AHHHHH) 

Okay done. Gunna go stare at the ceiling until tomorrow night/whenever I finally get King of Scars and Rule of Wolves in the mail (BECAUSE YOU KNOW MY SORRY ASS IS DYING AT THE THOUGHT OF TWO BOOKS ALL ABOUT NIKOLAI) 

#shadow and bone #sab #the grisha trilogy #grishaverse #six of crows #soc #crooked kingdom #seige and storm #ruin and rising #leigh bardugo #thanks to all who actually read this #also thanks to everyone on this site who it is a fan #you all convinced me to read this series even if you didn't know I was stalking #not really sure what to do with myself now #reading #writing #writeblr #kaz brekker #nikolai lantsov #my love nikolai #your honor i love him #inejgayfa #jesper fahey #jesper x wylan #wylan van eck #alina starkov #mal oretsev #the darkling #nina zenik #matthias

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the April 2021 Edition

I did not read Romeo and Juliet this month. I read a bunch of other books. Like, a bunch. More than one series. Because Big Bang burnout is real and grown adults missing their deadlines is a real good way to stress me out. So, I read a bunch. Good books, very bad books, books that caused limbs to flail. For positive and not-so-positive reasons. Naturally, all those reasons must be shared. Under the cut with occasionally long and rant-prone reviews, as well as spoilers. Beware of spoilers under the cut. Please keep telling me what to read, internet. My library wish list is almost comically long now.

GIVE ME ALL THE WORLD BUILDING AND SNARK AND FIGHTING! WITH MAGIC! AND SWORDS! IT’S MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!

Shades of Magic Series by V.E. Schwab

Kell is one of the last Antari—magicians with a rare, coveted ability to travel between parallel Londons; Red, Grey, White, and, once upon a time, Black. After an exchange goes awry, Kell escapes to Grey London and runs into Delilah Bard, a cut-purse with lofty aspirations. Now perilous magic is afoot, and treachery lurks at every turn. To save all of the worlds, they'll first need to stay alive.

— Picture it, approximately twelve forty-seven am. My husband is asleep. I am reading. The second book in this series ends. And I say, right out loud, at what might now be twelve forty-eight am, HOLY SHIT IT JUST ENDED. Justin thought we were under attack. No man has ever snapped awake quicker. He was not pleased. At least not in the same way that I was about these books. Which I goddamn LOVED. Loved. The world building. The magic. The banter. Rhy and Kell’s relationship. Once more. RHY AND KELL’S RELATIONSHIP. Which I might have cared about more than the romance??? Maybe??? I cannot get over how good this world building was. I know people have quips with it, and that’s fair. I saw the “twist” coming in the first book, and I think trying to preserve that left some plot holes that are understandably frustrating. Because Lilah definitely needed depth perception to fight as well as she did. Also did Schwab really refer to her as a cross dresser in her author’s note? Yikes. She wore a dude’s jacket, like—c’mon V.E. Other than that though. I loved it. Also shout out to @peglegsjones for suggesting this one in my 2020 post and call out to me for taking so long to read it.

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price—and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker. Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can't pull it off alone. . . . A convict with a thirst for revenge. A sharpshooter who can't walk away from a wager. A runaway with a privileged past. A spy known as the Wraith. A Heartrender using her magic to survive the slums.  A thief with a gift for unlikely escapes.   Six dangerous outcasts. One impossible heist. Kaz's crew is the only thing that might stand between the world and destruction—if they don't kill each other first.

— I’ve talked about how little I cared about anything that happened in Shadow and Bone before, but I kept seeing gifs of the Crows in the Netflix show and my brain was like: huh, I could like them. So, after some help from the very helpful internet, I’m happy to report I do in fact like them. At one point, I slunk into the couch. Like that’s how overcome with emotion I was. Kaz ripped a dude’s eye out! For Inej! Matthias loved Nina’s laugh! I would like to hug Jesper. Seriously, this hit all my high points and world building and banter and I lol’ed at “scheming face.” I would like my hold to come through faster on the sequel.

THEY DID NOT CALL INTERMISSION HALFTIME AND MY COLLEGE EXPERIENCE WAS WAY DIFFERENT THAN THESE KIDS

The Off Campus Series by Elle Kennedy

Hannah Wells has finally found someone who turns her on. But while she might be confident in every other area of her life, she’s carting around a full set of baggage when it comes to sex and seduction. If she wants to get her crush’s attention, she’ll have to step out of her comfort zone and make him take notice…even if it means tutoring the annoying, childish, cocky captain of the hockey team in exchange for a pretend date. All Garrett Graham has ever wanted is to play professional hockey after graduation, but his plummeting GPA is threatening everything he’s worked so hard for. If helping a sarcastic brunette make another guy jealous will help him secure his position on the team, he’s all for it. But when one unexpected kiss leads to the wildest sex of both their lives, it doesn’t take long for Garrett to realize that pretend isn’t going to cut it. Now he just has to convince Hannah that the man she wants looks a lot like him.

— The first book in this series was free on Amazon. So, I read it. And really liked it??? It was so chock full of cliches and badly written tropes and Garrett probably should have accepted that Hannah didn’t want to go out at the start, but like—he was cute? And as we all know I am TRASH™ for stories set in the same verse, so, like, I just kept reading these trashy college hockey books. Trashy is a compliment here. God, these kids had so much sex. So much. An incredible amount, really. I once had a guy tell me he was physically attracted to me, but not emotionally attracted to me in college. Like, that was my college experience. The first and second books were the best, I think. I didn’t really like Dean that much.

MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS A RABBI???

The Intimacy Experiement by Rosie Danan

Naomi Grant has built her life around going against the grain. After the sex-positive start-up she cofounded becomes an international sensation, she wants to extend her educational platform to live lecturing. Unfortunately, despite her long list of qualifications, higher ed won't hire her. Ethan Cohen has recently received two honors: LA Mag nominated him as one of the city's hottest bachelors and he became rabbi of his own synagogue. Low on both funds and congregants, the executive board of Ethan's new shul hired him with the hopes that his nontraditional background will attract more millennials to the faith. They've given him three months to turn things around or else they'll close the doors of his synagogue for good. Naomi and Ethan join forces to host a buzzy seminar series on Modern Intimacy, the perfect solution to their problems--until they discover a new one--their growing attraction to each other. They've built the syllabus for love's latest experiment, but neither of them expected they'd be the ones putting it to the test.

— Ok, I know that sounds bad. Again, I’m a creature of predictable habit and this was the sequel to The Roommate, which I absolutely LOVED last year. But where as the relationship in that one was kind of swoony, this one was...I don’t know, really. Everyone was a well-rounded character and the plot was good, but there was this semi-invisible something that made it difficult for me to get fully on board with the whole story. Honestly, it might be because he was a religious figure?? Also, they got together real quick. Like zero to sixty in twenty-six seconds flat.

I KNOW IT’S BAD, IT WAS BAD AND YET—I CANNOT STOP READING IT???

Too Wild to Tame by Tessa Bailey

Sometimes you just can't resist playing with fire . . . By day, Aaron Clarkson suits up, shakes hands, and acts the perfect gentleman. But at night, behind bedroom doors, the tie comes off and the real Aaron comes out to play. Mixing business with pleasure got him fired, so Aaron knows that if he wants to work for the country's most powerful senator, he'll have to keep his eye on the prize. That's easier said than done when he meets the senator's daughter, who's wild, gorgeous, and 100 percent trouble. Grace Pendleton is the black sheep of her conservative family. Yet while Aaron's presence reminds her of a past she'd rather forget, something in his eyes keeps drawing her in. Maybe it's the way his voice turns her molten. Or maybe it's because deep down inside, the ultra-smooth, polished Aaron Clarkson might be more than even Grace can handle . . .

— Last month I read the first book in this series and it was absolutely ridiculous. This one even more so. The Clarksons are still on the road trip (sans one sibling because she fell in love in a week in the first book) and Aaron was, like, not a root’able character? Very Edward Cullen I’M A BAD GUY, BELLA vibes and his relationship with Grace was so strange. Super rushed again, obvs. Meeting in the woods is weird enough. Professing love forty-eight hours later is decidedly unbelievable. Also there was a kidnapping involved? I totally put a hold on the next book in the series.

COME UP WITH DIFFERENT TRAUMA, I DARE YOU! OR NO TRAUMA. WHAT A CONCEPT!!

The Trouble With Hating You by Sajni Patel

Liya Thakkar is a successful biochemical engineer, takeout enthusiast, and happily single woman. The moment she realizes her parents' latest dinner party is a setup with the man they want her to marry, she's out the back door in a flash. Imagine her surprise when the same guy shows up at her office a week later -- the new lawyer hired to save her struggling company. What's not surprising: he's not too thrilled to see her either after that humiliating fiasco.

Jay Shah looks good on paper...and off. Especially if you like that whole gorgeous, charming lawyer-in-a-good-suit thing. He's also infuriating. As their witty office banter turns into late-night chats, Liya starts to think he might be the one man who truly accepts her. But falling for each other means exposing their painful pasts. Will Liya keep running, or will she finally give love a real chance?

— I had such high hopes for this one. Which is on me, I guess. Because I didn’t hate this one, but it was...not great. Maybe I’m just getting old and crotchety but I am BEGGING romance writers to come up with different trauma for their female protagonists. Not every woman has to have been assaulted to rationalize their current personality. Doesn’t have to happen. Like, ok, yes it does happen. Far more than it should. But that’s an entirely different story, and I am so tired of female characters getting absolutely destroyed by their past only to have that be their defining characteristic for so much of the book. Until a nice man they were initially mean to shows up and he’s UNDERSTANDING and he CARES and it’s just, bleh. It’s bleh. Tired and predictable and I’m over it.

IN WHICH I SHOULD HAVE LOOKED AT THE COVER

Much Ado About You by Samantha Young

At thirty-three-years old Evangeline Starling’s life in Chicago is missing that special something. And when she’s passed over for promotion at work, Evie realizes she needs to make a change. Some time away to regain perspective might be just the thing. In a burst of impulsivity, she plans a holiday in a quaint English village. The holiday package comes with a temporary position at Much Ado About Books, the bookstore located beneath her rental apartment. There’s no better dream vacation for the bookish Evie, a life-long Shakespeare lover. Not only is Evie swept up in running the delightful store as soon as she arrives, she’s drawn into the lives, loves and drama of the friendly villagers. Including Roane Robson, the charismatic and sexy farmer who tempts Evie every day with his friendly flirtations. Evie is determined to keep him at bay because a holiday romance can only end in heartbreak, right? But Evie can’t deny their connection and longs to trust in her handsome farmer that their whirlwind romance could turn in to the forever kind of love.

— Ok, so I had had this book on hold for so long that I genuinely forgot about it and forgot who it was written by. Samantha Young wrote that one book that I called the worst book I had ever read. Only I did not realize that when I started reading this one. So, you see how this sets us up for disaster. Because this book was a disaster. Everyone was goddamn annoying. And whiny. Shit, everyone whined. About everything. Also, the actual writing was atrocious. I am not usually one to be like “men can’t write,” but at one point I told both @shireness-says and @optomisticgirl that this book must have been secretly written by a man because no woman writing it would be so obsessed with pointing out where her cellulite was. Like, what??? Also the first sex scene? Oh my God, I laughed. Guffawed. The so-called love interest literally asked: “Are we going to have sex now?” And then they just did. It was so bad. Also there was a dog? Who went everywhere with the so-called love interest. And they just never explained that? I thought it was going to be part of some crushing and depressing backstory. Nah, he was just there.

HOLY SHIT THIS WAS SO DUMB I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WAS A BOOK! A BOOK MEANT FOR YOUNG ADULTS! WHAT IS YOUNG ADULT???

The Queen’s Secret by Melissa de la Cruz

Lilac's birthright makes her the Queen of Renovia, and a forced marriage made her the Queen of Montrice. But being a ruler does not mean making the rules. For Lilac, taking the throne means giving up the opportunity to be with love of her life, the kingdom's assassin, Caledon Holt. Worse, Cale is forced to leave the castle when a horrific set of magical attacks threatens Lilac's sovereignty. Now Cal eand Lilac will have to battle dark forces separately, even though being together is the only thing that's ever saved them.

— Remember last month when I was like: can’t wait for my hold to come through on this sequel so I know what happens? What an idiot. THIS BOOK WAS SO DUMB I CANNOT BELIEVE IT WAS A BOOK. As always in my rage-induced rants, no apologies for spoilers because seriously do NOT read this, but Lilac (legit, that was her name) married some other dude but just kept fucking Cale??? Like she had a secret door? So he could come in and they could fuck?? I just—oh my God. So, all these things kept happening. Magic and bad stuff and horses were killed. Lilac’s mother was the absolute WORST. Honestly the most worthless character who at one point was like “well, my story is over, guess it’s time to leave,” and then just left?? Forced Lilac into a marriage of alliance and no love and then everything evil was defeated in point two four seconds. It happened so fast I wasn’t even sure it happened. So, then I’m like, ok, how are Lilac and Cale going to end up together? Because this is YA and that’s how it’s supposed to work. Only her being married and that marriage requiring an heir is something of a rather large hurdle. Don’t worry! Remember when Lilac and Cale were fucking? Everyone totally knew. Including the king Lilac is married to. Who is somehow like...ok with this? And tells Cale that Lilac is pregnant. ISN’T THAT WONDERFUL! Sure, because now they can lie and claim its the king’s heir. ONLY IT’S CALE’S KID! AND CALE IS COOL WITH THIS! His entire internal monologue during this is about how he realizes he might not ever be able to tell his kid he’s their father, but he’ll be around and that’s good. Wait, what??? But there’s more! Not only is Lilac having Cale’s kid, but the king she’s married to is in love with one of Cale’s spy associates. So the king and the spy are going to go hang out (and presumably have their own kids) at one castle and Lilac and Cale are going to go to another. Lilac and the king never get divorced or annulled or whatever. Everyone stays as is and married as is and—they all live happily ever after? This was presented as a good ending, I swear. What the shit, guys, seriously.

#book rec #book reccs #fantasy recommendations #rom com recs #laura reads books #i am still waiting for people to respond to my emails #and only vaguely stressed out about it #welllp these are books

[flovey-dovey]

I want to say something about Klaus

I’ve been waiting a very long time to see this movie, and when I finally could I loved it to pieces. But the ending broke my heart- in more ways than one.

There will be no “tldr” here because my feelings about this film are too strong to let me minimalize what I have to say about it (but I might have to make a part 2 since this is pretty big). If you don’t agree with me, that’s fine, it’s okay, I don’t blame you. I won’t tell you you’re wrong, because in your own life you’re as obligated as ever to have an opinion of your own, correct or not. One other thing I want to say before I start rambling is that this will be messy. Also I do not- nor have ever- claimed to be a critic, and this is not a review. This is just a single person on the internet expressing their opinion, and for the love of all that is holy let’s keep it at that.

Foreword over, on to my pure thoughts. Oh, and spoiler alert for those who haven’t seen the movie yet. No matter what I think about it it’s definitely worth a watch, and going into this without seeing it will probably confuse some folks. Maybe.

Okay, since my main qualm is with the characters, let’s start with Alva. I like her. She’s not the generic “tough girl who don’t need no man” I was fully prepared to have shoved down my throat. She has some genuinely good moments on her own as well as funny and pleasant interactions with both Jesper and the children of the town and is a fine character. She is jaded and determined, though not to the point of that being her entire personality, and I loved watching her find happiness as the teacher she wanted to be. She is a victim of circumstance that eventually has her environment changed and finds herself changed with it for the better. Her design and personality were very pleasing (to me) to see as well.

However...

Why did she have to be the love interest? Just- why? What warranted her eventually desiring a relationship of any description when she was shown to be more devoted to her position as a teacher- and as a single woman- throughout 90% of the film? This is especially frustrating since it turns almost every scene with her into one that involves Jesper in some way rather than build her as a character outside of this perspective. It takes away from Alva “the character” and instead focuses more on her as Alva “the love interest”. In media stuffed to the rafters in heteronormative relationships, and from those that I’ve seen, as afraid as I was to see it happen I was also prepared to have this aspect of the movie gracelessly thrown into my face. So, as might be expected, I actually groaned out loud when I saw it come to pass. I’m not mad, just... actually that’s a lie I am rather irritated by it, but also just... sad. Very, very sad. Disappointed, you might say. She and Jesper don’t have a lot of interactions showing that this was the obvious outcome. The best I can think that people would draw this conclusion would be a) she’s a woman and he’s a guy and they looked at each other that one time, and b) when he was trying to be charming to wriggle out of her wrath. Also, same scene, I don’t buy that it’s further implied by the boat-guy (I forget his name and can’t find it on IMDB) teasing Jesper over “young love” after she leaves in a huff. He’s not a reliable look into any feelings Jesper might feel towards her since all he’s done up to that point is tease him. It’s not enough, it just isn’t. Not to me.

In regards to her feelings for Jesper, the most I see from her is gratitude. The scene when she’s showing Jesper what he unintentionally did for the town is just that, and as she’s looking at the townsfolk Jesper looks... distressed. This is because he is conflicted about what to do at this point in the story, not necessarily because of any feelings for Alva, but it doesn’t even look like he’s thinking of her- romantically- at all. They don’t share any additional conversation, either; not a single flirtatious joke or anything that would lead me to believe they were bonding. I feel horribly conditioned to see her as the love interest and nothing more because that’s all I’ve ever seen done with a man and woman who only share a single line of dialogue before some narrator is telling me “of course” they got together in the end. Oftentimes, that line of dialogue is in an unpleasant or downright aggressive scenario, and that’s not romance. Seeing it happen over and over and over and over in almost every piece of media I subject myself to makes me want to take a blowtorch to my brain. I’m literally at my wit’s end. If it was more built-up and actually there, then fine, I take it back, but the thing is I hardly saw anything at all in terms of either Jesper or Alva or both of them thinking about each other, wanting to be together as more than just friends, throughout the entire hour and a half of the movie. The most scenes I can say they shared (not counting the ending because I’ll get to that in a bit) are four, with each one being little more than a minute long, two of them being more on the aggressive side, the third being when Alva shows Jesper the new Smeerenburg. Pleasant and humorous, yes, but not inherently romantic (neither of them share more than a glance and Jesper looks pretty preoccupied internally). The fourth is of Alva helping Margu translate what she wants from Klaus for Jesper. When Margu hugs Jesper and he and Alva exchange silent looks, the expression on Alva’s face, to me, says something like “you’re not half bad” and a note of good humor for how he handles children. Just so we’re clear I’m not against her finding happiness with Jesper. I just want it to be warranted. Not narrated.

Oh, but their love for each other is obvious and clearly meant to be from the start, is it? Okay then, show me when Alva says or does something and makes Jesper laugh, or vice-versa. Show me when she thought of him OUTSIDE of simply showing him what he did for everyone and how their hands touched, their gazes met and shy or flirtatious smiles spread across their faces as they drew slightly closer, and how she felt something more than gratitude and impressment for him. Show me when Jesper wanted to do something for her OUTSIDE being the means to a letter-related end. Show me the parts when they pined for each other and how happy seeing the other’s smile made them and how they were happy for each other’s progress and encouraged each other. Show me the parts of the movie where Jesper visited as often as he could manage to squeeze into his busy schedule just to chat. Show me kisses, hand-holding, lingering looks and happy little half-smiles cast from across a crowded courtyard. Maybe they do share something more than friendship, but no matter what I can’t get over how little there was between them to give me the impression it was going to lead to romance. It’s not even subtext, in my opinion.

Do you remember when Jesper’s father came back and it all came out in a part known as “the liar revealed” (a trope I quite hate for the oftentimes needless forced drama it creates, but whatever, for now I’ll let it slide) that he had ulterior motives which, at that point, he no longer had? Alva was the FIRST to turn her back on him in spite of their “lovey-dovey” merry-go-round painting MOMENTS earlier. She didn’t even want to hear out Jesper, who was clearly upset, and jumped straight to accusing him without showing that she was just as upset by the revelation that he could’ve been using her and playing with her feelings. How romantic. Meanwhile, the last one to return inside was Klaus, who was far more saddened and disappointed, leaving slower and leaving Jesper looking the worst, like he was heartbroken by his words- an echo of his own- most of all.

In fact...

Speaking of Klaus, I’d say Jesper is far more attracted to him than to Alva. This movie, while nearly devoid of interactions serving to build romantic chemistry between Jesper and Alva (which it absolutely should’ve if they had the ending be what it was), is littered with moments, wordless and otherwise, between Klaus and Jesper. So let’s go over them. I mean, if you’ve left by now then like I said at the start, I don’t mind. But if it’s alright I’d like to talk about them anyway, because holy holly I love them.

The scenes in question are clearly shown to develop their friendship and only get more romantic from there, and I could run out of breath trying to ramble them off all at once and what it meant to me to see them portrayed in such a beautiful way- artistically as well as in terms of the story.

Fairly early on, we learn that the wind is kind of its own “character”, guiding both Jesper and Klaus to ultimately meet each other as well as bringing them together more than once afterwards, and later on with what we learn about him it’s heavily implied to be the spirit of Klaus’ dearly departed wife. I’d like to think she was trying to tell Klaus to move on and find new love in Jesper and for Jesper to find purpose by Klaus’ side. The instances involving the wind are scattered throughout the film, so this is going to be a bit out of order.

To start, Jesper, while trying to get Klaus to donate his toys to the children of Smeerenburg, doesn’t notice the wind swirling around behind him like it was telling Klaus to follow him even if at the time Jesper’s intentions were selfish. Because he changes. They change each other, and their dynamic progresses so much more naturally, directly and clearly than Jesper and Alva’s.

There’s another scene when it leads Klaus to his workshop, where he opens the door to see a silhouette distinctly meant to parallel his wife- the one he loved- and revealed when he pulls back the cloth to be Jesper- his potential new love.

It’s one of the most explicit scenes enforcing my idea that Klaus’ wife was trying to get him to love again. Anyway, Jesper then excitedly starts going on about his gift and trying to get his mojo back before making an unintentionally big mistake by revealing a painful reminder of Klaus’ wife. A mistake he deeply regrets, mind. Not too long later, Jesper tries working on his own to make Margu’s wish for a boat/sleigh come true. While he works, the shot fades to see Klaus back at his workshop. He sees the picture Jesper drew of them and sighs, giving in and going to see him at the post office [also not to mention the drawing fades with the family shelf thing Klaus made so that’s pretty neat; took me a year to edit this in but hey better late than never]. My favorite scene is Klaus showing up to work on Margu’s present, giving Jesper a tool as well and interrupting Jesper to wordlessly point at the task at hand as if to say “If we work, we work together”. And that spoke to me. More than anything else in the movie and more than I’ve heard from any movie I’ve seen that I can remember. Also, Jesper’s soft, shy, willing smile put the biggest grin on my face. It was the last nail in the sled that made me convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were forming a romantic bond from this moment forward.

Part 2 because this is long:

https://flovey-dovey.tumblr.com/post/189133807093/part-2-of-my-thoughts-on-klaus

#Klaus #Jesper #Alva #part 1 #text post #Klausper #TALL AND SMALL

[anonniemousefics]

My Dearest Inej | Chapter Six

Chapter Masterlist

Originally posted on AO3

Rating: Teen And Up

Synopsis: A series of letters kept among the personal belongings of Captain Inej Ghafa.

Chapter Six: Dear Nina

Hello, lovely,  

Some news and a request. I am going away on an assignment for the next several months, and this one’s rather sensitive. It means I’ll be out of reach for a time. Don’t worry your wonderful Inej brain about it, though. You know very well I’ll be just fine.  

Here’s how I’m thinking we make due in the meantime. I’m writing down all my adventures and silly thoughts to send you as soon as it’s safe, and then we’ll be able to catch up in no time at all when all is right with the world again. You should do the same. Once I’m able, I’ll send a giant wad of letters along with where I can be reached to the Van Eck mansion for Wylan to hold on to for you until your next trip to Ketterdam. There. Not so bad, right?  

I miss you more than cake. And that’s not an exaggeration. Be safe, lovely. And give them all hell.

All my love,

Nina

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(enclosed in an overstuffed envelope marked “Nina”)

(translated from Kerch)

Dear Nina,  

Your last letter has made me grouchy. I don’t know if there would have ever been a good time for you to fall off the map, but I think there could have at least been a better time than this. I’ll take your suggestion, though, and settle for trying to imagine your face when I tell you these things. When you read this, let’s imagine that we’re at that cafe in West Stave. The one with the little white tables outside. You’ve ordered enough waffles to feed five men, and I’m all hopped up on hot chocolate, and we can’t stop snickering. It’ll happen again someday, right?  

I’m going to use this letter to take a break in entertaining you with stories of battle at sea and the many delightful ways in which bad men beg. I’m docked in Ketterdam today with my head dangerously full of some truly mortifying events. I don’t know what to do, Nina. Keep eating your imaginary waffles – I’m going to offload a great many details and bring you up to speed.

I’ve told you that Kaz and I write letters. That they’re sort of a romantic nature. I know you think I’m crazy. I’m well aware that I have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t know -- there’s just something about him I can’t give up yet. And I love these letters. They’ve become the first thing I pick up at every new port. They’re these little slices of Ketterdam – all of the good stuff, that is, and none of the bloodshed.

It’s dangerous, though, isn’t it? Only getting the good side of things. It messes with your perception of reality.  

It should surprise no one that Kaz Brekker is good with pen and paper, considering how we’ve seen him con. Sometimes I worry that’s what letter-writing really is to him. Another way to con. He says things in letters that you could not even imagine, Nina. He can be affectionate. He can be really funny, maybe even playful. He can also write the most sincere, heartfelt sentences. You read them, and you really forget he’s, well, Brekker. It’s almost like, when he writes me, he’s not. Like some other side comes out when he picks up a pen, and it’s the side I’ve always hoped was really there all along.  

I’m such a goner for this other side, Nina. It’s become a problem. Try not to spit out those imaginary waffles.  

It’s a problem because, in person, when I’m in Ketterdam, he’s still Kaz Brekker, the persona, the enigma. It started messing with my head, because there is such a stark contrast between Kaz Brekker the enigma and the Kaz who writes me these insanely charming letters. That’s not to say Kaz Brekker isn’t trying to be less enigmatic, but it’s little things. He can take off his gloves more now without having violent reactions to a brush of skin. He’s managed to hold my hand for a few, brief moments. I’ve tried to cozy up to him, but I don’t know. It’s impossible to know what he thinks of it, if he likes it, if he hates it, if he resents it – until a letter shows up. And then he’s writing, “I miss you” and “I’m dreaming of tasting your lips.” (I’m imagining you making that silly fanning yourself gesture, and I really hope that’s true. Saints, I miss you.)

I’m rambling so much. I wish you were just here instead.  

He wrote me this letter after Jesper’s birthday, Nina. Ughhh, why are you so far away? It was a really good letter. A really, really good letter. We had a moment during this hot air balloon ride (yet another reason you need to come back to visit Ketterdam – we do birthday experiences now). Jesper and Wylan were on one side of the balloon’s basket, wrapped up in each other and all the sights with their backs to us. And, out of nowhere, he pulled me close, tucked me right up against his side, close enough that I couldn’t help but hold him back. At first, I could actually feel his heart racing and thought maybe he’d pull away. But he settled after a minute, and we rode in the balloon for a good while like that, stars overhead, city lights below. That was all, and it was more than enough for me. I still think about it all the time. He told me later that he thought it was a nice night, and so I thought it best to leave it at that. We had a nice night. Nice, like when your dinner isn’t ruined or someone opens a door for you.

But this letter that awaited me in Os Kervo. You know Suli, right? So, if I use the phrase (nearest translation: “I shit a brick”), you’ll understand just how shocked I was. He wrote how he never wanted to forget that night and the way I looked and the way he felt. It was perfectly un-Brekker-like. It might have made you cry.

The contrast has never seemed so stark.  

And so it came down to this: I needed to know that Kaz Brekker in Ketterdam was capable of actually being this person who keeps showing up in envelopes and using his name.

Which brings me to my most recent trip to Ketterdam. This was the trip after the hot air balloon ride. Before I arrived, he asked if I wanted to stay in the Slat this trip – with him. Don’t choke on your waffles, please. Nothing was going to happen – he can barely hold my hand for more than a few minutes, and at least one of the times it’s happened, I had to bribe him with Ravkan toffees first.

I had one condition for this arrangement. I wanted to bring letters for him to read aloud. Perhaps most incredibly, he agreed.

Right. This is where it gets ugly.  

I’d spent the day at The Slat. Usually my first day on land, I find I’m unusually exhausted, and everything in The Slat is fresh and new since Seeger’s fire – I’d even venture to say comfortable. I slept most of the day, a luxury I know you’d appreciate. I was up around dinnertime, and he’d brought in dinner. (It was those meatballs and mash pots we used to love so much. I hope I’ll be able to eat them again after this without wanting to hurl.)

Dinner seemed like a good time to try out the letter reading. We’d spread out the food on his desk and passed a bottle of kvas back and forth to lighten the mood before he rolled up his sleeves and I gave him the first one. I had tried to pick a variety of his letters to bring along, the ridiculous ones right up to the one I can’t get over – the one after the hot air balloon ride.

Before you get too excited, we didn’t get to the hot air balloon ride letter.

It was going so well in the beginning. My cheeks were hurting from smiling so hard, listening to so many charming words come from that voice. He seemed to be enjoying it even – feet up on the desk, a sip of kvas here, read an old joke there, and he’d try not to smirk to himself when it made me laugh. He even let one of his own laughs slip once or twice. It was just what I wanted. I felt like I was finally putting together a whole picture out of two halves.

But then we came to this letter he’d given to me on the docks of Fifth Harbor, thanking me just before I left after Seeger’s fire. I was getting ready to hand it over to him, and my heart dropped right into my feet. Nina. I’d forgotten I’d written something really, really, REALLY embarrassing in the margins. Just. Sankta Alina. I don’t know if I can repeat it.  

I tried to skip over that one, but he was having none of it. Everything had been playful and a little flirtatious up until that moment, and he swiped it from my hands. Sankta Elizabeta, my face is burning up while I’m writing this. Tell me this is salvageable. Oh, wait, you’re in backwoods Fjerda or something. Ugh, why, Nina, why?  

Everything got really quiet – he’d seen it right away. I could tell he was surprised, but that was it. I have no idea what else was happening in that brain of his.

What it was was this. I’d made a note of how different he was on paper and labeled that Kaz by his original name. I’d written that I like Kaz Brekker, but after these letters, I was in love with Kaz Rietveld.  

NINA. (Untranslatable Suli vulgarities)

I snatched the letter back – he wasn’t even making eye contact with me. He hadn’t even budged. It was too horrible. The silence felt never-ending. So, I left. That was yesterday. Now I’m staying on the Wraith. Maybe forever.  

I have to say something, and I wish you were here to help me figure out what to say. Somewhere in the back of my mind, there are fragments of lessons and sayings my father would have about this, if I could only cobble them in to something coherent. I’m trying and trying to imagine how he must be feeling.

He couldn’t have been that surprised about my feelings, could he? Not after all this time, not everything we’ve written. It’s not as if I’ve been terribly coy. I’m forcing myself to believe he would not be horrified to know how I feel. No, there’s something else.

How awful it must feel to think someone you trusted finds only a part of you lovable.

I have some soul-searching to do, Nina.

Come back.  

Inej

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(hand-delivered, unaddressed envelope)

Dear Inej,  

I’ve spent the whole night thinking, and I have some things to say. I won’t read this one out loud, so if you have a hard time believing it’s me, I guess you’ll just need to get creative.  

I know you’re embarrassed. You might remember I have intimate knowledge of what it’s like to be in your position. At first, I wanted nothing more than to ease your mind and put everything back the way it was. There was a large part of me that was awestruck that you’d find even a small, half-dead remnant of myself worthy of loving. I was ready to crawl back to you and do anything to erase this moment from time.

But then I realized that’s not a fair deal to Kaz Brekker.

And before you start making faces, I’m not becoming one of those politicians that likes to bloviate in the third person. Just for the sake of clarity in this letter alone, I’ll use the labels that you used.  

Inej, Kaz Brekker saved my life. Yours, too. And a lot of other people’s. Kaz Brekker could find me food and dry clothes and shelter when there was no one else. Kaz Brekker has fixed and built and risked and fought and salvaged. And yes, there are a good many things he’s terrible at, like not being an unmitigated asshole. He is not friendly or particularly kind, and he’s rarely truthful. There are many things he should never have done. He’s done unthinkable things he’s not even sorry for. Trust me, Inej. When it comes to hating Kaz Brekker, I have a front row seat.  

But the only reason there’s a Kaz Rietveld here for you to love at all is because Kaz Brekker brought him this far.  

At first, my instinct was to write a letter detailing all the many ways I can become more like the man you love. And that’s not to say there isn’t some wisdom in trying to coax him out a bit more – you tend to have good taste in most things. There’s probably some value in striking a balance.

But Kaz Brekker is part of the deal. You can’t have one without the other. There is a lot about him – about me -- that I would not and will not change. So, I need to know that you see the same value in him. In all of me. Because, if you can’t, I’m not sure it will matter how much I’m in love with you, too.  

And to think we might have avoided this whole mess if I just would have let you bring a flute. To that I say, mati en sheva yelu. I am in love with you even if you play a damn flute.

Are you smiling at least a little bit? I hope so.

Sincerely,

K. Rietveld

#six of crows #soc #six of crows fanfic #crooked kingdom #grishaverse #leigh bardugo #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #nina zenik #fanfic #fanfiction #kanej #kanej fanfic

[calenheniel]

Queen of the Ashes, a frozen fanfic | Part X

Frozen | Alternate Universe | Hans x Elsa | Romance, Drama | T+

They meet as children, each with a secret. Plagued by tragedy, their paths cross again many years later, and their secrets are unraveled.

Follow updates: #QueenoftheAshesFrozen

Read below, or find links to AO3/FF.Net/Wattpad on my Tumblr.

Author’s Note: The End... or is it? (It's not.) I debated whether or not to write more, and decided to leave it short and sweet, in the end. Quality over quantity. Thanks all for the reviews and support, as always.

»»————-　❈　————-««

X.

The prince paused. “That was the start of it all. The breaking point.” He looked down at his hands. “I had spent so many years learning to control it, and then hiding it, that I almost forgot about it, after a while. Until that dinner.”

The room was silent but for the queen’s deep, shuddering breaths, the fireworks long since having ended outside.

“And so you plotted to kill them, one by one. Is that it?”

“Not exactly,” he replied. “The first time was—well, there was some planning involved, yes. I sensed that I wouldn’t be able to control my powers for much longer, unless I did something. So I waited until the evening that I set sail for Hungary, right before New Year’s Eve. I started a few small flames in the corners of my father’s, Frederik’s, Antoni’s, and Harald’s residences, and by the time I was gone, they had consumed the rooms.”

His eyes moved up to meet hers. “After that, as you might have guessed, my other brothers and their families immediately suspected me of the murders. They wouldn’t accuse me publicly for lack of evidence, but the rumors they started were enough to poison my name in the Isles.”

“…because they didn’t know about your powers,” the queen murmured. “That was why you didn’t kill them with the others.”

“Yes,” he nodded, “not at first, anyway. But once I was back home, I knew I would be a hunted man. Guilty or not, they blamed me for their deaths, so I—”

“Had to protect yourself,” she finished, her tone dull.

He suppressed a frown. “Yes. Though it did little to quell the rumors, I was at least able to foil several active plots against my life.” He sighed. “Those were the first three fires, the details of which I’ll spare you. The last one that took Karl and Jesper, I had nothing to do with. Just bad luck.”

“Bad luck,” she echoed drolly, her lips pressed in a thin line.

“Forgive me for not eulogizing, Elsa,” said the prince. “Even if I never intended them to come to harm, they certainly weren’t innocent, either.”

He was quiet for a time, and his arms relaxed at his sides. “You probably understand, now, that I lied to you when we spoke that first night about where I was during the fires,” he said, “and more than likely many of the reports you received from the Isles were fabricated as well. I kept a close eye on correspondence to the palace, and in the disarray following each fire, I managed to forge more than a few letters favoring my version of events. Not that any evidence contradicted what I wrote, of course.”

“So you did reply to mine,” the queen said, her eyes drifting up to his.

He bowed his head. “In a way, yes. But not as I should have. And for that, I am still sorry.”

The clouds parted for a brief moment, allowing the crescent moon in the window behind the prince to cast a wan, ghostly glow across the queen’s features.

When it passed, she looked down, her blonde hair hanging loosely around her face.

“What is it that you want me to say, Hans?”

He blinked. “I didn’t expect you to say anything in particular, really,” he answered as his shoulders sank with fatigue. “I just wanted you to hear me out.”

“And so I have,” she replied, her gaze tightening. “But I fail to see how you are not still a danger to me or Anna, or to Arendelle.”

“Because there is nothing that either of you could do that would move me to use my powers in that way ever again,” he countered, taking a cautious step closer to her. “You are the only other person I’ve ever met with powers that are anything like my own, who understands what it’s like to live with them—to be in fear and awe of them at all times.”

The queen swallowed with discomfort, encouraging the prince to drive his point home.

“I would not – nor could not – ever use mine against you, knowing that.”

“There’s no way you can promise something like that,” she pressed, her look distrustful. “Not with powers like these.”

“Perhaps,” he conceded, taking another step forward, “but even if something were to happen, we would be able to stop it, for we are each other’s equal.”

“You don’t know that,” she snapped, stepping back. A tepid flurry of snow drifted over her.

“I don’t,” the prince acknowledged, watching as a single snowflake landed on her exposed collar. “Since I arrived, I’ve noticed how unpredictable your powers can be, much as my own were when I was a boy. But I can help you with that.”

“Help me?” the queen scoffed, her eyes widening. “After everything you’ve just told me?” She shook her head. “I don’t want that kind of ‘help,’ Hans.”

“It’s not like that,” he protested, restraining himself from inching closer as he held his arms at his sides. “I can help you control it better, without using that chant your father taught you. I can help you so that you don’t feel like you have to run off after the trolls, or lock yourself in your room for days on end, just to keep yourself from hurting others.”

He shot her a long, meaningful look. “I know the ending of my story troubles you, as it would anyone who heard it. But it doesn’t erase the years I spent training the fire and taking care to conceal it from others, all while in the public eye. And I know those are the same things you want to be able to do with your ice.”

She scowled. “So that’s it, Hans? You’ll ‘help’ me by continuing to keep everything a secret?” The queen emitted a short and harsh laugh, taking the prince by surprise. “Weren’t you the one who told me that my powers were special—something to be celebrated? To be proud of?”

“Yes, I did,” he agreed, not missing a beat, “because they are special, and you should be proud. But you know as well as I do that others won’t see it that way.”

“You mean that they won’t see your powers that way,” she hissed. “It’d be easy enough for everyone to connect the dots, if they knew.”

“And what makes you think that yours would be treated any differently?” the prince rejoined. “What do you imagine Anna would say, if she found out what happened to her as a child? Or your gentle, simple citizens—do you suppose they would take kindly to a queen who can conjure ice and snow at will?”

Her defiant look faltered at the mention of the princess, and his voice grew quieter. “Just look at our parents, Elsa: people fear what they do not understand. And that fear can turn to hate, easily enough.”

The prince’s eyes, darkened by passing clouds, resembled burnished emeralds.

“All we can do is learn to control it, and harness its potential for good in whatever ways we can. But we can never expect them to understand it, to accept it – nor us – as we are.”

The queen said nothing for a time, and then closed her eyes, lines of pain cracking at their edges.

“Even if I agreed with you, and want what you’re offering,” she said at length, “it comes at too high a price.”

The prince’s expression fell. “Elsa…”

She raised her hand to quiet him. “I don’t deny that everything you’ve told me is anything less than horrifying, if true. And a part of me wants to believe you, because I’ve felt echoes of it in my own life—as I’m sure you guessed well before you came back to Arendelle.”

Her forehead wrinkled. “But that’s the thing, Hans: I can’t stop thinking about all the times you told me you wanted to ‘earn’ my trust, or asked if we could ‘rely’ on each other, or tried to push me into admitting the sins of my parents. And all the while you were so careful in the information you gave me in return, making sure that every story you told left out the most critical detail: that you were the boy who could make fire.”

The queen’s eyes glistened with fresh tears, though she blinked them back. “I imagined you as that boy, you know, after you left,” she murmured. “I wanted it to be you, because you were the only other person who knew. But now…”

She turned around to face the door, pressing shaking fingers to her brow. “I want you to leave tomorrow, with the other guests,” she said in just above a whisper. “I don’t care where you go—just as long as you’re far away from here.”

The room went still, and her breath caught in her throat as she waited for his reply.

The prince’s voice was soft and plaintive.

“As you wish, Your Majesty.”

The queen’s brow wilted, and she swallowed a sigh.

“Goodbye, Hans,” she said, and left the room.

»» —— ««

Her retreat back to her bedroom passed in silence, with only the eyes of her guards daring to follow her down the long hallways.

The guests had turned in for the night some time before – hours before, perhaps – and so she was granted a rare moment of privacy as she opened her door, promptly sliding down to the floor in a shaking, weary heap once she was alone again.

Elsa…

The queen buried her face in her knees as the sound of the prince’s voice lingered in the air, filling her senses.

We are each other’s equal.

She unraveled herself in order to crawl to her bed but could not summon the strength to rise, clinging to the footboard.

I can help you.

She bit her lip to keep from vomiting, and rested her head against the mattress.

Above her, snow trickled down from the ceiling, slowly enveloping her in a blanket of white.

»» —— ««

“Elsa!”

She awoke to the sound of her sister violently banging on her door the next morning, the younger woman’s voice calling out her name in distress.

Disoriented, she shook off snow from her body, wincing as she struggled to stand. “Anna?”

“What did you say to him, Elsa?”

The question made the already sallow queen’s face pale further.

She swallowed. “Anna, I—”

“You know what? It doesn’t matter,” the princess interrupted through the door. “I should’ve known you would send him away, just like you do to everyone else.”

The queen paused halfway to the door, shutting her eyes. A cold breeze wound through the room and blew under the door, making the princess release a startled gasp as she stepped back on the other side of it.

“It’s not like that, Anna,” she pleaded, hugging her arms against her chest. “Please, let me explain…”

“No, Elsa,” the princess replied. “There’s nothing left to say.”

The queen heard her sister walk away – just as she had many times before – and the breeze was replaced by harried gales of snow that encircled her in an endless vortex, throwing hairbrushes and jewelry and sheets from her vanity and bed around the room indiscriminately.

We can never expect them to understand it, to accept it – nor us – as we are.

Chilled to her bones, she did not move a muscle, her hands pulsing as she fought to control the wind from blowing her doors open.

»» —— ««

She did not know how much time had passed before the steward came to the door next. His knock was gentler than the princess’s, but his request was delivered with the same insistence.

“Your Majesty? Our guests are on their way to the docks. Perhaps you might come out to bid them farewell?”

The queen breathed shakily. “No, Kai,” she ground out. “I’m still feeling ill. Please have Anna offer my regards.”

The older man paused. “Very well, Your Majesty,” he said, not hiding the disappointment in his voice.

She waited until he was out of earshot to finally take one step, and then another, in the direction of her washbasin. With each movement, the wind followed her, a hot, pricking sensation traveling down from the back of her neck to the base of her spine.

She gripped the sides of the basin once there, managing to splash her face with water only once or twice before it all froze over.

Don’t you ever think they might have left you with your powers, and your memories, for a reason?

“Stop it,” she whispered, pressing her palm to her sweating forehead. “Enough.”

Even if it somehow all worked, don’t you understand what it would mean?

She pressed her eyes shut again, her forehead wrinkling from the effort of keeping them closed. Ice slipped out from the hand still gripping the basin, freezing the bowl and stand beneath it.

You’d be just like everyone else.

Her lip trembled as she pried her eyes open, and her heart raced when she saw trails of ice glittering and spidering out along the carpeted floors, leading to the window.

She followed them, spellbound, until she was looking outside at the procession of dignitaries as they left the castle, making their way to join their crews and porters at the docks.

She clasped her window frame as she leaned forward, her eyes darting through the crowds. At length, she spotted her sister at the end of the promenade, bathed in sunlight, the steward, head maidservant, and several guardsmen accompanying her. The younger woman curtsied perfunctorily at each guest and their party as they came and went, no doubt exchanging pleasantries and farewells.

You don’t have to keep your distance anymore.

The queen wore a guilty look at the sight. Though she did not hear the sighs and complaints about her absence from the lips of those departing, she was sure they were being expressed.

Her sister bore the weight of that alone, smiling through it all.

He’s not the reason I’m here, Anna.

Isn’t he, though?

The memory of their conversation from the morning before – a lifetime before, it seemed to the queen – percolated in her mind with renewed fervor in the context of her last conversation with the prince.

She tried to convince herself that she could still smell traces of fire and smoke clinging to her dress, unchanged from the night previous—that there were holes in the hem and sleeves from his flames licking them, and sweat still dripping from her body in the hot room.

Instead, when she looked down, there was only her snow and ice surrounding her, freezing the fringes of her clothes and painting her skin a white-blue color.

Why is it so hard for you to believe that I could be right?

The queen’s eyes lifted to gaze upon her reflection in the window, at which she gasped. Fractal ice patterns crawled up her collarbone, neck, and finally began to spread over her pallid cheeks.

As her breathing quickened, her reflection grew blurrier, and she groaned with helplessness.

I should’ve known you would send him away, just like you do to everyone else—

The faint, drowsy sound of the chapel bell tolling in the background gradually broke through her bout of panic, steadying her heart, and she blinked as the room came back into focus. Pressing her hand to the window, she peered through it again, expecting to see her skin burnt with frostbite.

Instead, her reflection was invisible under the sunbeams pouring through the glass, the bright light revealing only the outside world.

Squinting against the sun, she found her sister once more… along with a familiar head of red hair bowing before her.

Her eyes widened as she stared at the pair, watching as the princess’s head drooped forward, the young woman putting her face in her hands. The prince reached towards her sister as if to comfort her, but in the presence of the parties surrounding them, he pulled back—only for the princess to grab both of his hands without reservation, pulling him in just short of a hug.

I’m not asking you to be responsible for him or his feelings.

The queen could not make out their expressions from her vantage point, but the scene caused a flutter of warmth to spark at the bottom of her belly, and her lips gently parted.

I’m just asking you to consider what it would be like if you listened to your own, for once.

She stepped back from the window, the heat from her belly rushing into her chest and face, and the ice retreated from all around her until it became nothing more than a distant memory.

Her fingers vibrated with warmth as she raised them to eye level, staring with wonder at the vibrant, pink color that had returned to her skin. Bringing them to her cheeks and neck, she noticed the same sensation, and she leapt over to her mirror at the other side of the room in disbelief.

The reflection confirmed what she had felt: her face was flush and alive, and even the room had returned to its original state – the furniture arranged in its usual manner, not a single thread of carpet or drapery out of place – and all completely dry, without a hint of ever having been kissed by snow.

Dumbfounded by the sight, she pressed herself against her bedpost, her eyes wide.

“It’s him,” she said. “It’s because of him.”

She looked at her bare hands with childlike wonder, and then again at her reflection in the mirror, undistorted by magic.

What’s stopping you, Elsa?

Whipping around, she barreled through the doors, not sparing a glance at her baffled guardsmen as she sprinted through the halls, down the stairs, and finally out the front doors, ignoring the gasps and mutters of surprise from the last few groups of guests and their coteries when she pushed past them.

When others still on their way to the gates heard the commotion behind them, they parted in waves for the queen, watching in a collective stupor as she ran, her long, golden hair rippling behind her, unfettered.

She did not pause even as she stepped foot outside the gates for the first time in over thirteen years, her feet carrying her ever forward, as if possessed, towards the docks.

With every stride, she attracted more and more spectators from the groups of departing dignitaries and townspeople nearby, who stared and chattered at increasing volume; to the queen, their voices, like their faces, blurred together into an unrecognizable mass as she shot through them.

She stopped only when she was within a few feet of the gangplanks leading to the ships, bending over to collect herself, her breathing stilted and ragged. Above her, storm clouds began to gather, the sun fading behind them.

“Elsa!”

It was the princess’s voice that seemed to call her name, just as she it had that same morning, doleful and distraught. It was soon joined by others – the steward, the maidservant, and the guards, all pleading for their queen to stop, and to listen – but none were paid any heed as she craned her neck up, searching the gangplanks with a fierce purpose behind her eyes.

Thunder boomed suddenly, causing the crowds to gasp; a spate of rain followed soon after, though it was light and gentle, pattering quietly against the cobblestones.

It obscured the queen’s vision for a moment, and she squinted hard, shivering as the rain soaked through her dress.

This is me saying that I trust you.

A bolt of lightning shot out from the dark skies, and in the same moment she alighted upon the prince, her hand dropping to her side.

A hush fell on the crowds as she stood stock-still, staring at him.

Do you trust me?

He was halfway up a splintered plank with his luggage at the end of the dock, making his way onto a lonely, battered old merchant vessel. It was a far cry from the grand passenger ships whose colorful banners waved proudly in the air to signal their country of origin, and it reminded her of the story the prince had told her about the dilapidated frigate he had served on, back in the Isles.

She dashed towards it without hesitation, pausing at the foot of the walkway to exhale, her lips trembling.

The prince dropped his bags at his sides, his mouth agape as he turned to look at her.

“Elsa? What—”

She used the last of her strength to bound up the gangplank and throw herself into his arms, tears flowing freely down her cheeks and into the crook of his neck.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured through sobs, “for everything. You’ve been trying to help me this whole time, and I just—I didn’t want to accept it. But now…”

She clutched the back of his jacket in balled-up fists, her face burrowed so deeply against him that she could feel the outline of his scar through his shirt.

“Please don’t leave me, Hans. Please.”

Unable to go on, she continued to weep, and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

“It’s all right, Elsa,” he whispered into her frayed hair, and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll take care of you.”

She shuddered as his body enfolded her, and succumbed to the cold sweat of his embrace.

#QueenoftheAshesFrozen #frozen #frozen fanfiction #helsa

[queenofangrymoths]

Saintless Stars

So this was a story I wrote for my English Class. It's post-apocalyptic and I’m proud of it. 

Trigger:  Death, Blood, Gun-violence, Stabbing. 

Given the chance, Nadya might sleep another four hundred years. Instead, she was awake and hunkered down, Aleksander scouting just mere inches from her. “Is it safe?” How her voice did not sound meek-how it not trembled-Nadya knew not. Perhaps it was the comfort the woods gave her. Saintless Woods was similar to her homeland of the Forbidden North, filled with snow and dark trees. It felt like home, back when things were simple. 

Aleksander crouched beside her, his cheeks red along with his nose and the tips of his ears. “Looks clear,” he finally admitted. Nadya nodded then stood, looking both ways as she stepped out of the snowbank they built an hour ago. Aleksander followed her, the snow crunching as they waded through it. 

The snow rained down in thick flurries but Nadya pushed on. Both of them were disheartened and cold, frustrated to no ends that Saintless woods produced no game. The bows on their back weighed heavy with disappointment, the quivers whispered little snarky messages in both of their ears. Nadya glanced at Aleksander, testing out a little idea. “How about we split up? Surely one of us will find a deer,”

For a few minutes, Aleksander did not speak, mulling over the pros and cons in his head, the gears slowly turning. In the end, desperation won by working its lever. It was the third day without any game, one more day of their supplies dwindling. Soon the food would run out and then desperation ruled over them all. “We might as well try,”

Without a sound, Nadya left him. It wasn’t long before he didn’t hear the familiar crunch of her footsteps. The loneliness crept back at once but Aleksander ignored it, continuing to walk until he found a good spot, hunkered down, and waited. The hours blended together, his thoughts were few, mostly on how Nadya was doing. Better than I am, he hoped.

Then it happened. Out of nowhere stepped a doe, looking holy in his coffee dark eyes. He took a deep breath and slowly unslung the bow strapped across his back. Slowly, ever so slowly, he drew out an arrow and took aim. Within minutes, the doe slumped, staggering away with an arrow lodged in her lung. Aleksander followed at a distance, waiting for her to collapse. It wasn’t long until he walked away with the doe over his shoulders.

“Thank the saints,” Nadya whispered under her breath as she watched him approach the river, doe over his shoulders. It was a nice size and in Nadya’s eyes, it was a treasured saint’s relic.

“How’s your luck?” He asked, sliding the deer on the snow before crouching next to her.

Nadya was settled by the river bank, a hole cracked in the ice and she was stabbing fish with an arrow. “Pretty good, just want to get a couple more.”

“Get your own,” She slides over, just teasing. Together they fished, stabbing fish every chance they got. In the end, a dozen fish suffocated on the river bank. Nadya beamed proudly, the sight of all the food made her want to cry. Finally, a good haul. They both thought as Aleksander wrapped up the fish and Nadya shouldered the deer before turning back for the bunker.

The good thing about the bunker as it wasn’t some hole with a ladder going down. Instead, it had two steel doors with a security code. Since his hands were free, Aleksander punched in the code and the doors creaked open. As quickly as they could, they shuffled inside to escape the endless cold. The lights flickered on and off as they descended deeper in the bunker, finally hitting the living area after three levels of security measures.

 "Hey, guys, how was hunting-" Nikolai's voice bounced off the walls as he tinkered with the crew’s radio. He glanced at them only to look up nearly at once, his hazel eyes widened, “Saints, you got something!”

“We got more than something,”  Aleksander lifted the bundle of fish.

“That’s great - Saint Anastasia and Saint Edith, is that a deer?!” Nikolai’s voice grew excited enough that it drew Kaz’s attention. All of them heard Kaz’s cane making it’s thump, thump, thump against the cement floor as he made his way to them.

“I’ll add you to the list,” Nikolai deserting the radio to meet his boyfriend, Kaz, standing in the doorway. The black haired youth narrowed his eyes at the deer and bundle of fish, his knuckles white on the head of his cane.

“You got a deer.” He said, they nodded. “Bring it in the kitchen. Now.”

“What he means is ‘thank the saints and whatever dark god I worship’,” Nikolai translated as they followed Kaz to the kitchen. The kitchen was as modern as possible with a working fridge, freezer, sink, and stove. It was Kaz’s kingdom and he ruled it with an iron fist.

“Put the deer on the table. The fish next to the stove,” he instructed, Nadya was happy to dump the doe on the table and Kaz wasted no time starting to clean it. “Morozova, leave,” Kaz ordered. Aleksander quickly vanished from sight before Kaz snapped at him or threw a punch. “Nikolai, fillet the fish.”

“Only if you kiss me first,” teased the blond. Kaz sighed, wondering why he was dating this flirtatious fool but he needed those fishes to be on the grill in five minutes or less and a quick kiss was a worthy sacrifice to get Nikolai to shut up.

“Nadya, you can go,” Kaz said as he got back to working on the deer. She looked up from where she was, taking out a sheet of ice to be melted for drinking water.

“What?”

“Go. Now.” He snapped and she ran. Sure, it was a big bunker but it was still a bunker. One did not piss off Kaz and live to tell the tale. So Nadya made her way to the Slat. The Slat was what they called the hangout space, most of the crew was there if they weren’t busy or doing something important.  It was a comfortable space, nice and warm with plenty of blankets to go around.

Right now, most of the others were busy in the shop or the greenhouse, some were sleeping or making weapons. So the Slat was empty except for Kate, their reader. Her job was running the little library and stealing more books when she found them. She was on the couch, reading a book under two blankets.“Well looky here, it looks like you’ve had a scare! Let me guess, a run with Kaz?”

“Something like that,” Nadya admitted, settling herself next to the reader who grinned and marked her page. “Can we continue that history lesson we started the other day?”

Kate brightened up. Her love of books and history went hand in hand, so when Nadya came to the reader looking to catch up on all the history, Kate was more than enthused. “Of course! Where were we?”

“I think Ivan the Gilded?”

“Ah, yes, I remember!” Almost immediately, Kate launched herself in a long history lesson, Nadya listening eagerly, not even getting sleepy as Kate droned on and on. Time blurred as they worked their way to more recent day. “In the year of Saint Louis IV, the winter came hard. People expected this, the winters were getting harder but Spring never arrived.”

“Why?” Nadya asked, furrowing her brows.

“Religious zealots will tell you humanity pissed off the Saints, big time. Buuuuuut my bet is on global warming. We’re in an ice age!”

Nadya nodded. The second option made sense. “Then what?”

“Well. Society crumbled, bunkers were built, and the determined ones learned how to deal with the snow.” Kate shrugged, “honestly, my mom used to complain all the time that this ‘wasn’t bad as the winters when I was your age…’ but I think she was just messing with me.” She said with a chuckle.

“And that’s it?”

“That’s it.”

Nadya sighed, stealing one of Kate’s blankets. Now she was all caught up on history, she no longer was able to claim the ‘oh I’m a newbie, I don’t know anything’ card. It wasn’t like she used it often but still, it was nice to have in the back of her pocket when Nikolai cornered her to help him fix the heating system or test some new, dangerous invention. “What are you reading?” Kate lifted her book, flashing a black cover with orient gold detail. “King of Scars. Oldie but a goodie.”

“How good?”

“There’s a character named Nikolai in it.”

Her ice blue eyes light up, “Gimme.” She reached for the book.

Kate tugged it, “Nu-uh, you got to read the Grisha series then the Six of Crows!” Nadya stared at her, defeated slightly. “Don’t worry, I have them all.”

Nadya huffed, rolling her eyes. “Fiiiiiine. Better get me the first book, ASAP.” Kate grinned and returned to her novel, Nadya leaned her head back against the wall and shut her eyes. No doubt that in his quarters, Aleksander was passed out. She must have dozed off because the next thing, she opened her eyes to see Nikolai strut into the Slat, do his best butler bow, and say with a flourish, “Dinner is served, my ladies.”

Kate giggled behind her hand, got to her feet, and ran right past Nikolai. Although strict in the kitchen, Kaz’s food was to die for even if it was simple. Nadya sat for a minute before she found the will to stand up. “Shall we walk together?” She asked the blond, giving him her best curtsy.

“Gladly,” Arm in arm, they made their way to the mess. Kaz must have rung the dinner bell because the rest of the crew was making their way to the long, large table. It reminded Nadya of the feast tables of her youth, the food was much simpler, and there were no king-just weary people trudging their way through the snow. Nadya made a mental list of the names but people were always coming and going.

There’s Kaz of course, Aleksander….Kate, Celaena, Race and Spot flirting, Jesper, Nina, and Matthias must be out scouting still. Wylan is threatening Kuwei with bodily harm, what else is new - oh, she’s new. Wait no, that’s Alina, crap. Rowan is sulking but Aelin is cheering him up and so her list went. Filing in names, noting who was there, trying to pick out where she might sit for the night. “You’ll be with me and Kaz tonight, don’t worry.” Nikolai hummed.

“Kaz and I,” she corrected.

He laughed, throwing his head back. “Shut up.” Then he sat her beside Kaz, starting to immediately praise his lover on what a wonderful meal he made! Kaz, although he always looked like little ruthless schemer, seemed pleased. Nadya slides her own praise as everyone settled to eat.

Dinner was lovely with venison cuts and vegetables from the garden. Nadya listened to the endless chattering. Kate and Alina chatted over a new book, Nikolai flirting with Kaz, Rowan and Aelin’s endless bickering. Aleksander was across her, eating his venison slowly. “Tired?” he asked.

“Utterly exhausted,” she confessed.

“Me too,”

She yawned, covering her mouth. “After dinner, I think I’m going to take a long nap.”

He raised his dark brows. “Really?” Since she woke up, Nadya slept very little. ‘I’ve been asleep for four hundred years - I will sleep when I’m dead’ was a common phrase she uttered in the dead of the night but now she was exhausted. She nodded. “Odd, don’t you think?”

“I’m all oddities now,” She confessed, picking at her dinner.  Aleksander watched as she swallowed the last bite and slipped out of the room. In the kitchen, she washed off her plate and set it out to dry, being careful not to make more work for whatever poor soul might do the dishes under Kaz’s cold eyes. Then she slipped off to the room she shared with the others, pulled back the room divider and dived right in bed, not bothering to take her boots off.

When she awoke, the alarms were going off. Loud and braying like a mad donkey. She lay in a stupor for a minute, wondering why the shrill noise was attacking her ears and why she saw nothing but red. Then it hit her. Someone or something got through the first set of doors. She sat up quickly and bolted out of the room, glad she was fully dressed. She finds Celaena strapping her belt of bullets on her before loading her rifle. “What’s going on?”

“Security breach,” Celaena answers, focused entirely on loading the rifle quickly despite taking precious seconds ensuring she loaded it correctly. Nadya groaned as she gathered up her own weapons.

“Yeah, no shit, Lena, but by what?” Situations went through her mind, flashes of raiders-men and women were driven mad by the cold, monsters of kind stalking through the steel doors. She forced herself to remain calm as she fastened her holster, followed by her scabbard.

“A sesya.” Celaena said dryly before rushing out of the room, Nadya following the slender blonde as soon as she grabbed her axes. They ran together, punching in security codes as they went. For the most part, the steels doors, reforged by Nikolai and the other tinkers whenever they discovered something to make them stronger, kept the monsters out. Monsters like the man-eating wendigos and ruthless yokai.

These monsters were always in the world, even before the Great Winter arrived but now their numbers were endless - the winter only encouraged their siege against mortals. But sesya were different and it was easy for a sesya to blast through the steel doors and destroy them all. Nikolai was still working on his newest invention, trying to prevent the exact thing happening right now.

The sounds of battles and laughter filled Nadya’s ears quickly. The first workroom was ruined and cold, scattered with the crew fighting back the unholy monster trying to steal their home. Nikolai was swearing under his breath, a curse mingled between every single word, and really it wasn’t nearly as softly as he thought it was - next to him was Kaz. Kaz was silent as always, relentlessly shooting the sesya with deadly aim.

“Nadya!” Her name called from behind a knocked over table, her eyes swerved to find Aleksander tucked behind it, loading his rifle. “Get over!!” His voice pinched with desperation as the laughter boomed in the room. Nadya dived for the safety as a knife flew past her. He pulled her close, both of them pressed tightly against steel. She opened her mouth to thank him when a crack exploded in the area and a scream followed.

“That was my good leg!!!” screamed Kaz, hissing in pain and gripping the head of his cane even tighter as his bad leg was forced to take all of his weight.

“Are you okay?! Oh, saints, Kaz- you’re bleeding, you’re bleeding, fuck- we got to get you to the infirmary-” Nikolai jabbered, the panic set in at the sight of his boyfriend’s bleeding leg.

Kaz gave him a hard shake. “Later, okay?! Focus on the mark, foxy!” He grabbed his gun again, clicked to reload it and unleashed hell on the sesya. It made Kaz feel better but did nothing to the laughing monster.

Nadya tore her eyes away from the bickering couple and focused them on the sesya laughing above them. She wasn’t sure what the sesya found funny-if it was anything or the thing was just mad but it made it hard to miss. It was a sad thing, it looked so human and beautiful with long dark locks whipping around its pale face, covering fierce blue eyes and red lips booming laughter from a powerful throat. With a thrust of its slender hands, the winds screamed some hideous melody. The sesya reminded her of a witch that lived in her village but Nadya didn’t let it distract her.

“What do we do??” She yelled to Aleksander, the dark-haired fellow finished loading his gun. She sighed and prayed to the Saints this monster couldn’t only be killed by a bullet. She was a bad shot but if they could slay the sesya with a bullet-why hadn’t Kaz killed the damn thing yet? He was one of the best shots in the bunker but it was still laughing.

“Aim for its heart! It’s too close to get a stab in, a bullet will have to do!” He yelled back, taking aim before firing. Without her consent, a plan began to form in Nadya’s head. A crazy, dangerous plan but still - a plan, better than just shooting bullets in the area and hoping to the Saints they didn’t ricochet and hit a member of the crew.

“Aleksander,” She whispered, her voice dangerously soft. “Cover me.”

“What?!”

”Cover me!” She yelled before flinging herself away from the table’s safety. She yelled similar messages to Kaz and Nikolai, asking them not to shoot her as she ran straight for the sesya. Maybe this was how she died. Not today, She thought as she avoided bullets, winds, and random objects alike. “Hey! Sesya!” She screamed when she was close enough, drawing a knife, and throwing it. The wind caught it and the sesya turned to stare at her. The eyes were eerily family but Neday pushed on and drew her dagger.

It kept staring at her, not moving as she stalked closer. “You.” It whispered when Nadya was less than five feet away. “You,” it repeated in its tittering voice. It sounded even more like her Zoya. It made her heart stop and stutter but this wasn’t Zoya. Her Zoya was dead and buried. Had to be, after four hundred years.

“Me,” Nadya answered and before the sesya did anything-move its hands or laugh, she thrust the dagger in its heart. “Me,” she whispered as it slumped against her, chilling blue blood spilling all over her.

“You. You. You. It’s always you.” it jabbered while it died, the wind vanishing as it took its last breath. “Nadya, why?” It cried before the world stopped. Her heart chilled at the sound of its familiar voice. Zoya? But how? Then her heart broke as she realized what she had done

The laughter did not return, neither did the wretched wind. All that was left was the bleeding body and the bitter cold. The world stopped then started again. The first to snap out of it was Nikolai - he wasted no time in snapping out orders and carrying his gremlin of a boyfriend to the infirmary.

The chaos came back but it was different chaos. People were setting things right, carrying weapons back to the armory, and heading to the infirmary for some healing. Everything was moving, buzzing, some of Nikolai’s fellow tinkers were assessing the hole in the door.

No one noticed Nadya stepping out of the bunker with the body in her arms. No one saw her dig an unmarked grave and pray over the sesya.  No one never needed to see the little funeral anyway - no need for her tears to be witnessed then to be pointed at for an explanation. Nadya slipped back in the bunker and made herself useful.

Meanwhile deep in the infirmary, Nikolai was helping Sasha deal with the bullet lodged in Kaz’s good leg. Really, he should be upstairs fixing the door but he couldn’t just leave Kaz to deal with Sasha alone. “It would be out of your leg already if you stopped moving!” The little devil of a healer yelled at Kaz.

Kaz grunted, his face blanched from the bloodlust. “Just make sure I don’t end up with two bad legs, Sasha.” He was gripping the side of the bed hard enough Nikolai worried it might break. If Kaz was holding his hand, he’d snap it in two. He needed his hand.

“Stop moving then!” She hissed at him, grabbing the tweezers. Nikolai offered his hand to Kaz anyway, despite the fact he might break it. He took it, Kaz’s grip was like iron but it loosened meer minutes when the bullet tinked against the kidney dish. Sasha moved on to cleaning the wound, stitching it shut, and bandaging it. Nikolai’s fingers remained intact and Sasha moved on the next wounded idiot.

“I can’t believe you got shot in your good leg,” Nikolai remarked, rubbing his hand.

Kaz groaned, resting a hand over his eyes. “Don’t remind me.” He said bitterly, behind his hand he glared at the white bandage.

“It’ll heal right, this one,” Nikolai said, a bright smile on his lips- Kaz saw right through it.

“Stop wasting your time on me and go fix that damn door.” He told him flatly.

The smile vanished. “What? Tired of my gorgeous face?”

“No, you just will pace around, looking strained and wringing your hands. Might as well send you off now,” Kaz watched his boyfriend. He didn’t deny it. The security breach continued to bother Nikolai’s inventor mind, wondering what he could have done to prevent it. If he stayed cooped up with Kaz,  he might drive himself mad.

“And you’re fine with this?”

“Just go.” Sure, he tugged Nikolai in a kiss first but he let him go. Let him figure out what went wrong and how to fix it. Kaz sighed and laid back down, staring at the ceiling. He shut his eyes and waited for his REM cycle to kick his ass.

Many floors above Kaz and the infirmary, Aleksander found Nadya passed out on the lone couch in one of the workrooms. Someone was kind enough to put a blanket over her, the room was terribly cold. He shook his head, four hundred years later and she can still sleep anywhere. She was too thin for someone of her height, far too thin, Aleksander tutted as he carried her back to her little section of the woman’s chambers.

He knew where she kept her favorite pajamas-another thing unchanged-and it wasn’t the first time he got her in bed without seeing anything. He set her weapons against the wall as he folded her clothes away. He was about to leave when she said it.

“Sasha.” He turned to look at her. Her blue eyes were wide and full of tears. “Sasha,”  she repeated as if the first time didn’t get his attention.

“Yes, Nadya?”

“I killed her, Sasha,” she whispered, horrified.

He blinked at her slowly. “Who?”

“Zoya.” He shook his head, opened his mouth to tell her Zoya was long dead. She didn’t need to worry over killing her wife now. “I killed her, Sasha, I killed her!” Her voice grew louder as he shushed her. “My Zoya, Sasha, I killed my Zoya, how could I do such a thing??”  

“You didn’t kill her, she did not die by your hand, Nadya,” He reassured her, pushing her down as she tried to get up - wiping away the tears streaming down her cheeks. Slowly, she calmed down to the point where Aleksander knew she was drifting off to sleep again. “Sleep well, Nadya, and not too long,” he teased.

She stared at him with her icy eyes. “Zoya,” she said one last time before shutting her eyes and falling in a deep sleep. Aleksander shut the sheet and left the living quarters, dipping his head at everyone he passed. He was no mood for a conversation. He passed Nikolai at the door, who perked up and opened his mouth to say something but Aleksander kept moving, vanishing through the hole in the door.

He did not know where he was going but he knew it when he stopped at long last. A little grave, far too insignificant for all the damage the women inside had done. He stared at the grave, his eyes dark with hatred for the person deep inside the grave. Why? You may ask, sit down and listen then.

Once upon a time, there were three girls. They were witches although one seemed to be powerless she was not all that she seemed. Two of these witches lived happily, marrying each other when they were of age and lived together in wonderful matrimony. However, this left the third witch all alone, alone to brew in hatred and spite. To make herself feel better, she put a curse on the two lovers. The powerless one fell in an undead sleep, unable to wake but unable to die while the other vanished, looking for some way to wake her wife up and lost herself. Only the third witch found this was not enough (it never is), so she made a deal with a Frost Jotun.

“Bring an eternal winter,” she asked.

It regarded her with interest as we would a mouse. “Bring me a Roseblood thorn and I will consider it.” The witch brought back the thorn and it took it with great intent. “I will do as you ask but your fellow villagers are coming to kill you. Worry not, how many times they stab you will be how many years I will wait to start this winter of ours,” Then it vanished, thorn in claw.

“Wait!” The witch screamed as the mob descended on her, killing her with four stabs to the chest. Her spirit relished in the thought that in only four years, an eternal winter would hit but Jotun years were long and after four hundred years, it at long last arrived. Now, four hundred years later, Circe’s grave remained untouched.

“Are you happy now?” The stone said nothing, as stone’s often did.

“Zoya is dead and Nadya killed her. I hope you’re happy.”

Still, the stone did not reply. He glared at it even harder.

“I know what you did, Circe,” He took a deep breath “but we will continue to survive. I hope you’re happy.” Then he turned and stalked his way back to the bunker.

THE END

#yup #me #most of these characters have other fictional characters names #mhm I know #its refrences #gay #all these characters are gay #witches #magic #post apocalyptic #for an grade #hope its good #yes I pulled a bury your queer ticket #but theres still one couple!

[professorprophetess]

Lost in Adaptation

Though there have been successful game based movies before, like Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, that was about a fictional game coming to life. It worked for a different set of reasons and they all had to do with the concept of half-real Juul talks about in the book of the same name(Juul 121-162). That begs the question, can real games get proper adaptations into film without having their attempts fall flat. The short history of video game movies does not really suggest that this is usually possible. Yet even then exceptions can exist. For the sake of simplicity I will be sticking to movies produced by the West AKA Hollywood that are not animated that feature real game properties being adapted into films. To get the greatest breadth of the attempts to adapt games into movies I’ll pick one per decade since the very first live action adaptation of a video game came out in 1993. That movie is one that I’ve often chosen to pretend doesn’t exist as it was a very disappointing childhood memory: Super Mario Bros. Next I’l jump ahead to the 00’s with 2008’s Doom. Finally, I’ll look at the recent game based movie Pokémon: Detective Pikachu. Where did the previous two movies from prior two decades go wrong where Pokémon: Detective Pikachu got things right is the question I seek to answer by analyzing these games based films from those decades. Please note, I will not be counting any movies made by Uwe Boll amongst adaptations that got things wrong as I am lead to believe he does not care about how far off track he takes his films and it would appear as if he does it on purpose. Therefore, all films he makes are anomalies and should not be counted.

First, the movie that started it all. Super Mario Brothers was a very big deal in the early ’90’s. As a child of that decade, I know first hand how ascendant Mario and Luigi were. My older siblings and cousins all clamored to play as much Super Mario Brothers games on their NESes as they could. Naturally, a movie based on their beloved game was going to be awe inspiring.Oh, it was but for all the wrong reasons. To be fair to Hollywood, games are hard to adapt into a movie because of that half-real element many games have to them, especially story light platforming games of the NES era. However, that still doesn’t fully explain how they went from a fantasy romp where the hero—an everyman Italian plumber— rescuing the princess from a monster into gritty sci-fi dystopia, extra emphasis on the gritty. The set design, cinematography, plot choices, and direction are all bizarre when one takes a step back to just look at it. For instance, their redesign of the iconic Bowser into a man with weird hair. Because of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film coming out three years prior, the ability to have made a puppet suit for someone to wear to bring Bowser to life in all his dragon-turtle glory existed. Yet, for some reason, instead of respecting the intellectual property, whomever had purchased the rights handed the project off to writers who clearly were so embarrassed to be adapting a video game that they didn’t bother actually adapting it. As a small child, all I’d cared about was that they’d made Yoshi look weird and the goomba’s looked wrong. Now that I’m older, I’m more perplexed by why they’d choose to go so far a field. Their idea had no business being grafted into the Super Mario Brothers’ universe. In fact, had they not been supposed to be adapting Super Mario Brothers, their idea would have been fun for a Sci-fi B-Movie. Instead they just went so far off to the side that it left a shadow that kept Nintendo from allowing anyone to make movies from their IPs. The actors did what they could but a bad script and bad direction cannot be overcome by anyone. (Super Mario Bros)

The shadow wasn’t just cast by Super Mario Bros but other movies kept the belief that video game movies just would not work alive. Thus we get to Doom. I was far too young to play Doom at its initial height of popularity but I knew what it was. So by 2005, after strings of other not-so-good-to-so-campy-its-fun video game adaptations, it was Doom’s turn. The trailers looks promising. Then what happened was a clumsily cobbled together film that used elements of Doom’s barely there plot, as well as plot threads from Alien and other space horror flicks to produce a B-movie that bears next-to-no resemblance to Doomat all. There’s an instance where the movie switches to first person POV like the game, and the human antagonist has become and alien creature called a “pinky” which is a demon from Doom, but ultimately being PG-13 could not deliver on the gore factor needed to fully capture what it was that Doom was: a bloody maze of gore and violence. In this case, it was likely based on the fact it was Doom that they thought adapting it was a good idea, but in their fumbled and neutered execution they made a so-so space horror that almost utterly fails as an adequate adaptation of the game of the same name’s fame it had tried to cash in on. Again, the set design is questionable as it is set largely on a space ship instead of in a maze of tunnels through Hell, and the tame levels of violence are not reflective of the core part of Doom’s appeal at all. The acting was decent enough, but otherwise the story direction and direction in general are suspect. 2005’s Doom failed because it did not try to be the by proxy gore fest that its source material was and without that gore, the classic Doom doesn’t have enough of an identity to fall back upon (Doom).

Pokémon: Detective Pikachu: A film I’d initially thought would also fail. One reason was because I thought the game it was based on was a silly idea when it came out, but also because it had become an almost accepted maxim that all video game based movies would continue to be awful because when it comes to gaming that Half-real effect I mentioned that Juul wrote about makes it hard to fully adapt a game because we, the players are not just passive watchers but active participants with game play, meaning what we do is projected into what happens so even with highly story based games, like a Final Fantasy title, no two people are going to have the exact same gameplay experience (Juul 121-62). Yet, those games have a higher chance of being adaptable.  Those games prior to Pokémon: Detective Pikachu that most consider to be meh-to-passable all tended to be those based on games that tended to have far more of a narrative world to them than something like Doom or Super Mario Bros which were adapted from a story light FPS and story extra-light platformer. In the case of Pokémon: Detective Pikachu versus the series it spun-off from, until Generation V, there really wasn’t much to the story to speak of, and though it’s still not central to the main games, it’s stepped up to keep with what Generation V did. Pokémon: Detective Pikachu is a point and click adventure the is full of story and characterization that is not dependent wholly on the player, making its world and story far more adaptable into film format. A second thing the makers of Pokémon Detective Pikachu got right was they kept the aesthetics of the Pokémon world whenever they were designing the set design. They only deviated as such to make sure that these things looked coherent and real in that sense but it still reflected the worlds the games had presented. The pokémon were also a huge factor. They had to be redesigned to fit with the humans in the movie, but those redesigns were made with respect to how these creatures would look were they actually real creatures, keeping the uncanny valley at bay. Also, in a start contrast to the Super Mario Bros movie, this world was not only vibrant but it was a live and full the the fantastical creatures people expect to see in a world full of pokémon. Which is to say, we expect to see pokémon and they fulfilled that and then some. The plot is nothing extravagant or especially complex, but it was fun, it had genuine moments of heart and it fit in perfectly with the insanity that can happen within the pokémon universe. It felt like it and the games took place in the same world (Pokémon: Detective Pikachu).

Doom and Super Mario Bros on their own are not actually purely awful films. Doom fits right in with a lot of passable sci-fi horror trying to be Alien—and failing— whereas Super Mario Bros is more like an 80’s sci-fi B-flick that is trying to be cool—and also failing. However, the problem is these movies do not exist on their own, they were in fact adaptations of other intellectual properties that their makers did not respect enough to properly adapt to the silver screen. Whereas the Pokémon: Detective Pikachu film had nothing but respect for the game franchise it was representing into a live-action/CGI hybrid. Pokémon Detective Pikachu fits into the Pokémon World. It feels like it belongs there, and these events could be in that same universe. That, ultimately, is where the other two films failed horribly. Both films, so caught up in trying to be appealing to everyone, lost their identities to the point that they no longer fit in the worlds they were supposed to be adapting.

Works Cited

Pokémon: Detective Pikachu. Directed by Rob Letterman. Performances by Ryan Reynolds, Justice Smith, and Kathryn Newton. Legendary Entertainment, 2019.

Doom. Directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak. Performances by Karl Urban,Dwayne Johnson, Rosamund Pike. Universal Pictures, 2005.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle. Directed by Jake Kasdan, performances by  Dwayne Johnson, Karen Gillan, Kevin Hart , and Jack Black, Sony Pictures, 2017.

Juul, Jesper. Half-Real. MIT Press, 2005. pg 121-162.

Super Mario Bros. Directed by Annabel Jankel and Rocky Morton. Performances by  Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper. Allied Filmmakers, 1993.

#Detective Pikachu #super mario bros movie #doom movie #academic blogging

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 57 - NYR - Burn the Tape

We came into this seven-game homestand with some needs: capitalize on your home-ice advantage and get into this playoff race in a more consistent manor. That mission didn’t start well for sure but whether it felt like it or not the Sabres win percentage went up. It was the ugly win-loss pattern that is torture to endure during a playoff race this tight but it was better than the losing stretches that prevailed before the bye-week. As this homestand went on it became clearer some switch had been flipped even if not always to successful ends. From the end of the Carolina game onward, maybe even the end of the Minnesota game in places, the Sabres defense has stepped up and fought tough matchups. If the Sabres were going to end this homestand on a high note it would take all cylinders firing properly. That Winnipeg game was closer than that final score would indicate and one bounce different against the Hurricanes and the standings look quite a bit different right now. The past is the past though and so is the Rangers Cup window. Yes, let’s do some Playoff Trash talk: Rangers, during your supposed Cup window you never looked close. In fact, having watched most of those years during the Sabres tank years I could see the truly dominant performances were rare. That’s how the Rangers win in the playoffs: barely. This season its very unlikely you make it and a matchup like this seems to take on a different flavor when its locked in together for 4-7 games. Sabres in 5. So, remember those positive things I said about Buffalo before the trash talk? The Sabres did not do those things. This was probably the most disheartening loss of the season, if not its damn close to the Home Opener shutout. This game made me not want to do these for the rest of the season. Nonetheless, I am your Sabre Soldier and won’t ever give up. This mess ended 6-2 Rangers. You know how we all thought the Rangers would be the easier New York team to beat? Yeah, fuck us, right?

This game was so bad its in a category of games that don’t even earn a full goal-by-goal recap. Spoiler Alert: Jeff Skinner scored all the Sabres goals this game. To be specific, he scored two goals. That was all we got this game. Yes, there were other opportunities. Jack Eichel rang one off the bar. Sam Reinhart was stopped by this young Bulgarian sensation in Rangers goaltender Alexsandar Georgiev. Tage Thompson missed two wide open nets right in front when the score was 3-2. Apart from a section of the second period and the last ten or so minutes of the third period this game looked like no one knew how to play hockey. Everyone was watching the puck, everyone seemed to bump into each other like they were all playing their own game. The Sabres had opportunities on a night New York was not playing a sound defensive game. Remember how we’ve been talking about the Sabres cleaning up play in their own zone the past three or four games? They took that and threw it out the window. I feel so bad for Linus Ullmark who you kind of feel was in the wrong place at the wrong time starting in this game. What goals are we blaming on him? Right, I said I wasn’t doing a goal-by-goal recap. Well fuck it with this game. For Ullmark’s sake let’s dissect this train crash.

4:09 into the first a grown man named Boo Nieves scored the first goal. This was a scrambled play no matter which way you cut it and Ullmark was screened maybe two different ways. The second goal came about ten minutes later when Vlad Namestnikov launched a shot from the blue line that got redirected in front of Ullmark by Jesper Fast. Ignoring the fact that he was screened the Sabres were playing basketball-style zone defense this period and it was not working. The Linus Ullmark fault counter is still at 0 now as the Sabres find themselves down 2-0 going into the second period. The Rangers are getting penalized frequently now, once for putting the puck over the glass in a delay of game. This Rangers team is bad. THEY’RE BAD! Luckily in the middle period the Sabres did respond a little. Jeff Skinner got the puck out alone in front and put it far side around Georgiev. The visitors responded because good things can never last with this Sabres team and Jimmy Vesey of all the hated little Eminem-looking motherfuckers tucks one in like a blot of lightning on a blown coverage. Ullmark had locked down the post. I am not blaming this one on him. Jeff Skinner got another goal, this time on the powerplay later in the period. This got me feeling maybe the Sabres could salvage something from this horror show. I mean if they can score a powerplay goal then why not? Why not, because we must be tortured with no frigging back-to-back wins for eternity! The Sabres poured it on late in the third and could’ve tied it on several shots. None beat the Prince of New York and Buffalo blew a d-zone coverage in their own zone to allow Pavel Buchnevich to tap it in. That goal is the only one you can sort of blame on Ullmark. The air left the building and I turned the radio off full of disappointment and hopelessness. Okay, so the first of the two remaining goals could also be blamed on Ullmark if you feel the need. The net was wide open for Namestnikov, but the 6-2 goal is literally an empty net. 6-2 Sabres but 2-2 if we’re only counting the goals Ullmark gave up. That thing stung.

There was other stuff that happened in this game on top of defensive breakdown, horrible play in their own end and generally unacceptable performance. Uhh… Kyle Okposo fought. He probably shouldn’t be fighting, and it looks like he got hurt doing it. No updates on his condition as of the posting of this but a cursory look over his history tells you exactly why its so scary that this fight happened. You know what, there really isn’t anything redeemable about this game. Burn the tape! Burn the tape and well you’re at it Fire Housley. There is no way this team not being able to beat lesser opponents consistently, except for Detroit, is not a problem of coaching. Housley said they played soft after the game: You think, Phil? Something has got to change. I said I’m on this crazy rollercoaster until the end but boy did I want to get off after this game. After New Jersey tomorrow night, you have the Leafs, Caps, both Florida teams, and the Penguins in the following six games. There was no help on the out-of-town scoreboard last night and the Sabres now sit five points out of the last playoff spot and five points back of the first team out in Carolina. This was hot trash last night and I don’t know if I have any confidence this team won’t continue to be hot trash and fall out of the playoff race in the coming weeks. I guess we’ll have to find out! Like, share and comment: I feel bad asking after this mess. Enjoy your weekend maybe not thinking about the Sabres.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Imagine if Jeff Skinner isn’t on this team. Yeah, its like last season all over again.

#buffalo sabres #hockey #blog #nhl