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#and of course he. eventually loses his virginity and the ability to read thoughts and has to learn how to communicate his feelings w ppl đŸ„ș
mistypluie · 3 years
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SANGCHENG CHERRY MAGIC AU!!!!! (basically: jiang cheng is still a virgin when he turns 36* and he suddenly gains the ability to read people's minds when he touches them)
#*changing it from 30 to make this post canon lol#sangcheng#jiang cheng#nie huaisang#mdzs#the untamed#misty.art#so this picture takes place shortly after jc's bday nhs is visiting lotus pier for a cultivation conference or something#and jc reads his mind and realizes nhs likes him!!! bro is having whole ass fantasies about him meanwhile jc is having a sexuality crisis#bc u know hes been justifying this by saying he doesnt have time and he doesn't want to marry some random woman but. hes never really#considered men before.......granted he probably hasnt rlly liked too many ppl before (demi jc rights!!!!)...#(he told himself that teenage crush on lxc was just admiration 😔😔😔)#but he gradually realizes that.....people care he đŸ„șđŸ„șđŸ„ș his disciples look up to him his nephew loves him his brother misses him (THINK of#the possibilities for a yunmeng bros reconciliation if jc can read wwx's thoughts) ..... and he grows as a person and realizes how valued he#is and how its important to do things at his own pace bc hes only now having the time to live his life without worrying about so much shit#and of course he. eventually loses his virginity and the ability to read thoughts and has to learn how to communicate his feelings w ppl đŸ„ș#anyway. cherry magic owns my soul now and sangcheng is my fave i simply had to make an au......ill never write it tho but if anyone wants to#PLEASE do 👀đŸ„ș#also dont @ me about lazy coloring i didnt feel like coloring this lol the lineart was enough work#r yall proud i didnt use mint green ad a background color again??? i was going to lol but then i changed it#this color scheme has more cherry vibes 🍒🌾
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dlwritings · 3 years
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Aftercare | Tom Holland
masterlist found here
pairing - Tom x reader word count - 6,568 (I have no idea how this happened) warnings - language, bad/uncomfortable first time, bleeding after sex, oral (f receiving), fingering, good sex! A/N - this wasn’t requested but the idea came to mind a while ago so here we are (I think I’m just sick of being a virgin and this came out of it)
summary - Not everyone cares about their first time. Some people just wanted to get it over with .You had always wanted it to be special. A special time with a special guy. But after ages of never finding that guy, you decide to just get it over with. Tom helps with the aftermath of the disaster.
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You had always wanted your first time to be special. It wasn’t that you wanted to wait until marriage. You just wanted it to be with someone you loved, not a random stranger. But as the years went by, you felt like the chances of you finding someone you loved were slim. Hell, you were 22, and you hadn’t been in a serious relationship since you were 17. Your virgin status was starting to irk you. Not because of the label. No, you knew virginity was a social concept at best that society created to shame girls. The reason it irked you was because you wanted to have sex. You wanted to be in a relationship with someone so you could get absolutely railed by someone who loved you.
Was that too much to ask?
It didn’t help that you had a crush on your best friend. Girls all over the world swooned over Tom Holland, and you were one of them. The only difference was, you actually knew him. You had been friends for ages, and you had been in love with him for about just as long. Despite all the flirty comments the two of you shared and the endless platonic cuddling, that’s all it was. Platonic. Sometimes you swore he felt the same way, but after years of never making a move, you decided it was all in your head.
You weren’t sure at what point you just caved and downloaded Tinder. You couldn’t say what pushed you over the edge. Maybe it was the smutty Harry Styles fanfic you read that just went too hard (literally) and turned you on to the point of cracking. Regardless, you had done it, and you were actually doing pretty well on the app. You were getting a lot of swipes, and you were feeling pretty good about yourself. When one particularly handsome and charming guy -Theodore- asked you on a date, you agreed.
The restaurant you were going to was pretty fancy, so you wore a cute black skater dress and some killer red pumps. You did your makeup and hair to the best of your ability and finished applying your lipstick just as Theodore texted you that he was at your apartment. Okay, so he wasn’t going to pick you up at your door. That was fine. The gesture was a little outdated anyway, right?
“Hi,” you said, opening the car door and sliding in. “Theodore?”
“Theo,” he said with a smile. “(Y/N)?”
“That’s me,” you said. “It’s great to meet you.”
“You too,” he said. “Ready for dinner?”
“Mhm,” you hummed. “‘M pretty hungry.”
“Me too,” he said with a chuckle. 
The date was fine. It was nothing exciting. Nothing to write home about. Theo was nice enough. He was polite and everything, and he made some jokes that genuinely made you laugh. Still, he spent a lot of time talking about himself and not a lot of time asking questions about you.
As the night wore on, you could tell where it was headed. And Theo really was nice enough. You didn’t love him, but you liked him, and at this point in your life, you would take that. You invited him back to your apartment, which he accepted. You got into your apartment, and Theo wasted no time pressing you up against your front door and kissing you. You kissed him back, all the while hoping he didn’t notice how scared you were and how long it had been since you had kissed someone.
You two eventually stumbled into your bedroom, and Theo all but threw you onto your bed. You scooted up to the top of the bed and watched him unbutton his shirt and toss it aside. You expected him to kiss you or pull your dress off, but he didn’t. Instead, he moved to unbuckle his trousers and tugged them down along with his boxers. He grabbed a condom from his wallet and rolled it onto his already hard length. He smiled down at you and fumbled with your panties, pulling them off and throwing them to the floor. Part of you wondered if you should tell him it was your first time, but you also didn’t want to kill the vibe. Didn’t want him to run away. So, you let him thrust into you, biting your lip to stop the painful moan that wanted to escape your lips. You definitely weren’t wet enough, and he hadn’t stretched you out at all before sliding in. “Oh, fuck,” Theo moaned, hanging his head in pleasure. You focused on blinking back tears and tried to find any good feeling that might be there, but you couldn’t. It just hurt so much, and you wanted to tell him to stop. You should’ve told him to stop. You shouldn’t have to suffer through shitty sex just because you felt obligated to put out. But, you were the one who wanted to lose your virginity.
“(Y/N), Jesus fuck you’re so fucking tight,” he moaned. “You like my cock splitting you open like this?”
You weren’t sure how long guys were supposed to last, but you were sure it was longer than this.
Theo spilled into the condom and collapsed on top of you. He panted against your neck before placing a soft kiss to your skin. “You finished, right?” he asked.
“Hm?” you said. “Oh, yeah, thanks.”
You winced as Theo pulled out of you and went to the bathroom to get rid of the condom. When he came back, he pulled his boxers and trousers up his legs and buttoned his shirt back on. “This was great,” he said as he slid his shoes on his feet. “We should do this again sometime.”
“Okay,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper as you watched him. He walked over to you, placed a kiss to your forehead, and saw himself out of your apartment.
It didn’t take long for tears to spill from your eyes. When you lifted your dress to look between your legs, you saw you were bleeding. The sight made a sob escape your lips as you covered your mouth with your hand. You knew you needed to clean yourself up, but you felt actual pain between your legs, and your mind felt numb. As you cried softly, mascara running down your cheeks, you blindly reached for your phone that you had set on the bedside table and opened your contacts. There, you clicked your third favorite contact: Tom.
The line rang a few times -you didn’t pay attention to how many- before Tom answered. “Hello, love,” he said, an audible smile in his voice.
“Tommy?” you croaked out.
Tom had been laying back in bed watching TV but sat up as soon as you spoke. Not only did it obviously sound like you were crying, but you only called him Tommy when you were sad. He knew you had a date that night, and his mind immediately went to the worst case scenario. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?
“Can you just come over?” you asked. “I’m sorry to do this.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I’ll leave right now. Be over in ten.”
“Okay,” you whispered. “See you soon.”
You hung up before he could respond. You laid in bed curled up in a ball, clutching your arms over your stomach. You couldn’t stop crying, and wished you could go back in time and stop yourself from downloading Tinder in the first place.
“(Y/N)?”
You opened your eyes at the sound of Tom’s voice. You were grateful you had given him a key for emergencies. Seeing him only made you cry harder, so he rushed over to you and sat beside you on the bed, pulling you onto his lap. You hissed at the movements, the pain between your legs even more present. “What happened?” Tom asked, running his hands through your hair.
“It hurts,” you sobbed, not knowing how to sit to ease the pain. Squeezing your legs together made it worse, but keeping them open was painful too.
“What hurts?” he asked.
You sniffed, trying to compose yourself so you didn’t sound like a blubbering idiot. You knew Tom wouldn’t judge you no matter what you said or did. That was one reason you loved him. “He wasn’t gentle,” you whispered. “And, and he didn’t prep me at all, but I didn’t want to stop him because I thought it’d be rude.”
Tom was quiet for a few moments, trying to let the words sink in. His heart broke at what you were implying. He knew you were a virgin, but you had always expressed to him that you wanted your first time to be special. He wasn’t judging you for losing it to some Tinder date, but it made him sad that you didn’t get the memorable first time you had always wanted.
“Are you bleeding?” he asked, his voice soft.
“Yeah,” you said back. “Hurts too much to get up and, and clean it.” Tom nodded in understanding, petting your hair comfortingly again.
“How about I run you a bath,” he said. “And while you’re in the tub, I’ll go get you some ice cream, okay? And we can watch some films for the rest of the night. Does that sound okay?”
“Yeah,” you choked out. “Thanks, Tommy." He nodded, kissed your forehead, and stood up from the bed to get a bath going in the bathroom. You stayed in the same position on the bed, doing your best to keep your tears in while you were alone.
“Alright, love,” Tom said when he came back in the room, crouching beside the bed so he was level with your face. He stroked your cheek with a soft smile. “Bath’s all ready. I put your favorite bath bomb in.” You managed to give him a smile back, but when you sat up, you frowned again at the ache between your legs. Tom licked his lips and gave you a tight, sad smile. “C’mere,” he said as he stood up straight and held his arms out to you. “I’ll carry you.”
You didn’t have the energy to argue with him, so you stuck your arms out and let him pick you up and carry you bridal style to the bathroom. He sat you on the toilet and knelt in front of you. “You want me to help you into the tub too?” he asked. You bit your lower lip and hung your head in shame.
“Do you mind?” you asked.
“Course not,” he said. “You take off your clothes, and I’ll lift you in.” You nodded and waited for him to turn his head so you could undress without his watchful eye. Not that it mattered, because he was literally about to lift your naked body into a bathtub. When your clothes were off, you muttered his name, so he turned to face you. He made sure to keep his eyes on yours rather than your body as much as he could as he hooked one arm under your knees and one around your back, lifting you up and setting you into the bathtub. He took your hair tie from your wrist and pulled your hair up into a ridiculously messy bun on the top of your head. You managed a soft smile as you sunk into the tub.
“Okay,” he said, petting the top of your head. “I’ll go pick you up some ice cream, yeah? You call me if you need anything, and I’ll come right back.”
“Okay,” you said. “Thank you.” He nodded, kissed your forehead, and left you alone in the bathroom.
When Tom got in his car, he gripped the steering wheel tightly and tried to compose himself. God, when he found this son of a bitch, he wasn’t going to hold back. And he would find this son of a bitch. For now, he had to focus on helping you feel better. He drove to the store to pick up the ice cream he knew you liked, and on the way there, he found himself calling his mom.
“Hello, lovely,” she said when she picked up.
“Hey, Mum,” he said back. “Can-” He cleared his throat. “Can I talk to you about something kind of serious?”
“Of course,” she said. “What is it?” He hesitated, but knew his mom would be able to help. After all, mother knows best.
“(Y/N) called me and, and she had sex with someone, but it, it wasn’t good sex.” He was trying to keep out awkward, intimate details.
“She’s sore?” she asked.
“Mhm,” he hummed. “Like, really bad. And she was bleeding a little too.”
“Oh dear,” she sighed.
“Yeah,” he said as he pulled into the parking lot of the store. “I’m going to pick her up some ice cream, but I want to know what I should get to actually help her.”
“Well, there’s not much you can do, really,” she said with another sympathetic sigh. “As odd as it sounds, she might want to use an ice pack. And-” She paused. “-are you ready to be an adult about this, Thomas?”
“Mum, I called you about this,” he said with a dramatic sigh. “Lay it on me.”
She chuckled. “If you want to buy her some Vagisil moisturizing gel or something, it couldn’t hurt. Maybe some Midol.”
“Okay,” Tom said, letting out a heavy breath. “I can do that.”
“Good boy,” she said. He could hear her smile. “You’re very sweet to do this for her, Tom.”
“Thanks, Mum,” he said, a blush forming on his cheeks. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
They exchanged I-love-yous and goodbyes, and Tom hung up the phone. He was in and out of the grocery store fairly quickly (the most time was spent searching for the Vagisil) and headed back to your apartment as soon as he could.
You were still in the tub when Tom got back, so he set everything on the vanity in your bedroom and helped you out of the tub, wrapping a dry towel around your body. You both headed into your room, and you got out some pajamas to put on. Over the shorts and tank top, you pulled on a hoodie you had once stolen from Tom. He didn’t know, but it was your comfort hoodie. You wore it whenever you were sad or stressed because it made you feel safe.
“Um,” Tom said, rubbing the back of his neck as you crawled into bed, “I got you some stuff.”
“Stuff?” you repeated, furrowing your eyebrows.
“Yeah,” he said, fumbling with the grocery bag. “I got ice cream, and, and, uh, well, you said you were hurting, so, um-” He cleared his throat, and you couldn’t help but smile at how nervous he was. He dumped out the contents of the bag and revealed that he bought an ice pack, some Midol, and a small tube of Vagisil. Suddenly, you wanted to cry all over again. You sucked in your lower lip and looked up at Tom who immediately frowned. “Oh no,” he said. “I’m sorry. Did I overstep?”
“No, no,” you said, shaking your head. “This is just-” You took a shaky breath. “This is really sweet, Tommy. Thank you.”
Tom’s smile returned as he nodded once. “Alright,” he said. “I’ll go get spoons, you pick a film, okay?”
“Okay,” you said back. He took the ice pack to put in the freezer for a while, and you moved everything else to the bedside table. “Tom?” you called after him.
“Yeah?”
“Can you get me some water too?”
“Of course!”
You worked to open up the Midol which you did just as he came back with spoons and a water for you. You thanked him, downed two of the pills, and smiled as he plopped beside you on the bed. “Did you pick a film yet?” he asked, allowing you to sit between his legs and rest your back on his chest.
“No,” you said. “Something on Disney+ I think.”
“Whatever you want, love.”
You eventually settled on Monsters Inc. which Tom said was fine. Realistically, you knew he would’ve been okay with whatever you picked. Less than halfway through the film, you and Tom had already abandoned the ice cream, allowing it to melt slowly on the bedside table. One of you would put it away in the freezer before going to bed. As the minutes ticked on and the ache between your legs started to subside, you couldn’t help but think about Theo again. Tom must’ve noticed your shift in demeanor, because he rubbed your stomach with his thumbs and nudged your cheek with his nose. “Are you okay?” he asked. You hung your head and closed your eyes, not wanting to burst into tears all over again.
“Just wish I did it all different,” you whispered. He hesitated a moment.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” he asked. You swallowed back the lump in your throat before speaking.
“We got back from dinner,” you told him, “and I invited him into my apartment.” You shook your head at the memories. “Everything happened so fast. We were kissing, and then, he was taking off his clothes and-” You couldn’t help it. Tears started to come again. You felt so sad and stupid and embarrassed and hurt and used. “-he didn’t even take off my dress. He didn’t touch me or anything. He just put on the condom and-” You cut yourself off with another shake of your head, figuring Tom got the picture. “It was over pretty quick, and he asked me if I came and I just said yes.”
“But you didn’t?” he asked.
“Of course I didn’t,” you mumbled, painfully aware of the shake in your voice. “He didn’t do anything to make me feel good at all. I feel so stupid.”
“You shouldn’t,” he said. “If anyone should feel stupid, it should be him. He’s clearly shitty at sex.” You giggled softly which made Tom smile and nudge his nose against your cheek again. You looked up at him. “I’m sorry your first time wasn’t more special,” he said. “I know you wanted it to be nice. And you deserved something nice.”
“It’s whatever,” you said dismissively. “Maybe I made a bigger deal out of it than I should’ve. I set my expectations too high.”
“No you didn’t,” Tom said. “You just wanted a good first time. That’s not asking too much. Hell, you didn’t even get to cum. You’re allowed to be upset about this.”
You scoffed. “Well, let’s just say I’m deleting Tinder, so I don’t see me getting anything better anytime soon. Not unless I meet some sex god at the office.” Tom sighed and kissed your temple.
“You’ll find someone better,” he mumbled against your skin. “I promise.”
-
After the whole Theo fiasco, you deleted Tinder, deciding whatever game you wanted to call that just wasn’t for you. Everyday went by with the same routine. Wake up, work, come home, watch TV, go to bed, repeat. Eating was sprinkled in here and there, and you tried to change up your meals whenever you could for a little bit of variety. Otherwise, it was all very monotonous.
So when you got home on Friday and found a note taped to your front door, you were rightfully confused. You pulled it from the wall, let yourself into your apartment, and closed the door behind you with your foot as you ripped the envelope open.
(Y/N)-
We haven’t gotten dinner in a while. Wear something nice, and I’ll pick you up at 6:00! It’s gonna be great x
Tom
You pressed your lips into a tight line and held the note to your chest as you leaned against the door. Sometimes you hated Tom for doing stuff like this. He was such boyfriend material, but he would never be that. Did he have any idea what he did to you? How he made you feel? Probably not. You loved Tom, but he sure was thick sometimes.
It was already about 5:00, so you had to get ready pretty quickly. You put on a white, lace, bodycon dress and started to do your hair and makeup. Tom arrived before you were quite finished, but he let himself in. “(Y/N)?” he called.
“Bedroom!” you called back. He came in, and you caught his reflection in the mirror. He looked handsome, as expected: blue slacks, a white button-up, and brown shoes that matched his brown belt. You turned to look at him, your lips slightly parted. Before you could say anything-
“Wow,” he whispered. “You-” He chuckled. “Wow.”
“Shut up,” you said with a laugh. “Don’t be weird.”
“I’m not!” he said, matching your laugh. “I’m just saying. Wow. You look great.”
“Well thank you,” you said, walking up to him. You straightened his collar that was folded oddly. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” You patted his chest and tried not to let your hands linger for too long. Tom stuck his arm out for you to take, which you did, and the two of you walked out to his car.
You and Tom had been going on friend dates for ages. Once he became famous, he loved treating you to fancy dinners whenever you both had time to spare. You on the other hand were a sucker for bowling nights and paintball tournaments. But nice restaurants were lovely too, and any time you could spend with Tom, you would take.
Dinner flowed as nicely as it always did when you were together. You chatted about your work, and he shared as many details of his newest project as he could. The whole time, you couldn’t help but feel like there was a weird tension in the air. Maybe tension wasn’t the right word. There was just something going on with Tom that you couldn’t quite place. You didn’t ask him about it until you left the restaurant. He invited you back to his place for drinks, and you obliged.
“Are you okay?” you asked him as he pulled out of the restaurant parking lot. “You seem a little off.”
“Off?” he repeated. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know,” you said. “Forget it.” Tom just chuckled and continued the drive down the street. When you arrived at his apartment, you knew for a fact something was going on with him, and you didn’t like how he was hiding it. “What is up with you, Tom?” you asked him. “I know something’s going on. I know you.” He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair as he closed the door behind the both of you when you got inside.
“You know I love you and care about you,” he said.
“Of course,” you said, folding your arms across your chest. “Why are you-”
“C’mere,” he said, taking your hand. Your eyebrows furrowed even deeper than they already were but allowed him to walk you over to his bedroom. When you walked in, your lips parted slightly in shock. He had a lamp light on and his essential oil diffuser (the one you bought him for Christmas) going, the soothing smell of lavender filling the room. On the bed -which was neatly made; a rare occurrence at Tom’s house- were rose petals. You turned to look at him, sure he could hear your heart pounding in your chest. “There’s no pressure,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, “but I couldn’t stop thinking about how unfair it is that your first time was so horrible. It should’ve been with someone special like you wanted. Someone who cares about you. And, well-” He sighed as if realizing he was fumbling around the point. “I want to make it up to you. I want to show you what good sex is supposed to be like.”
“You, y- you, uh,” you stuttered. “You want to have sex with me?” He licked his lips and took a step closer to you.
“No pressure,” he said. “No strings. Just good sex and the guarantee of at least one orgasm.”
You swallowed thickly. “At, at least one?” Tom smiled and nodded, then closed the distance between the two of you by wrapping his arms around you.
“At least one,” he repeated. He could tell you were hesitant by the way you were nibbling on your lower lip, so he stroked your cheek gently in an attempt to calm you down. “If you say yes and you change your mind while we’re doing it, that’s okay too. I’ll take it nice and slow for you.” He paused, licking his lips as he glanced down at yours, then up at your eyes again. “But if this is too weird, that’s fine. I just wanted to give you the chance to have great sex with someone who cares about you.”
You giggled a bit. “Are you saying you’re great at sex?”
“Mm,” he hummed with a smug smile. “I don’t want to brag, but I’ve never heard any complaints.” You melted into Tom’s touch as he pulled you a little closer and buried his face in your neck. “What do you say, darling?” he whispered, kissing your skin lightly. “You want me to make you feel good?” You took a shaky breath and closed your eyes as Tom sucked the skin of your pulse point, surely leaving a bruise.
“Yeah,” you whispered. You felt Tom smile before he pulled back to look at you. He pressed his forehead to yours and kissed your nose.
“Okay,” he said. “C’mere.” The two of you walked over to the bed, and Tom helped you move to the head of the bed. He sat in front of you with his legs crossed, and you mirrored his position. You tried to give him a strong smile, but you knew it came out small and nervous. He chuckled softly and put his hand on your cheek. “S’okay to be nervous,” he said. You bit your lip and nodded just as he started to lean forward and brush his lips against yours. You released your hold on your bottom lip and accepted his kiss, opening your mouth as soon as Tom traced his tongue across your lip. Already, this was different than when you were with Theo. It was like Tom was pouring his care into the kiss.
You put your arms over his shoulders and played with the hairs at the nape of his neck. He started to lay you down on the bed, and you could feel your breathing pick up. Still, you kept your lips pressed to his. His tongue massaged against yours, and you held in your whimpers as best as you could. It got harder when he started trailing kisses down your jaw and neck. His mouth wasn’t muffling your noises, so you had to bite your lip to keep yourself quiet. “Darling,” he whispered against your collarbone, “you look like an angel in this dress.”
“Thank you,” you whispered, your eyes fluttering closed.
“Can you lay on your stomach for me?” he asked. “Wanna unzip you.” You nodded and rolled over, and you swore you heard him hum as he put his hands on the back of your thighs. He ran them up your body, pausing to squeeze your ass which made you jump. He chuckled and moved to unzip the dress, kissing the skin that was exposed as he removed the fabric. You turned to sit up so he could pull the dress off you, and he licked his lips when he saw you weren’t wearing a bra. Everything suddenly felt very real, and you moved to cover yourself. Tom frowned and shook his head. “You’re so beautiful, (Y/N),” he said. You hung your head, still feeling an odd sense of uncomfortableness, but Tom was having none of that. He lifted your head and kissed you again. He laid you down on the bed and started kissing down your neck. “How’re you doing?” he asked, feeling your erratic pulse against his lips.
“Just nervous,” you admitted. Because this was Tom. You could be honest with Tom.
“That’s okay,” he said, sucking your pulse point until a bruise formed and you whimpered. “‘S not gonna hurt, okay, love? ‘M just gonna use my mouth to start. Warm you up and make sure you’re ready for me.”
“Okay,” you whispered.
“And you let me know if anything doesn’t feel good,” he said. You nodded, and Tom kissed down your body, pausing to pay attention to each of your breasts. He sucked on each nipple until it was hard and extra sensitive to the touch. He smiled as he nipped at your bud until you whined and tugged your fingers through his hair. You could feel a pulsing between your legs, and you needed more. Tom could tell, because he smiled again and kissed down your stomach until he got to the waistband of your panties. He looked up at you through his eyelashes, and you licked your lips and stared up at the ceiling. When you broke eye contact, he tucked his fingers in your panties and pulled them down your legs. Your breath hitched, but you didn’t say anything. Tom would take care of you. You had no doubts about that. If he said it wouldn’t hurt, you believed him.
Tom pushed your legs apart and brought his mouth down to your thighs, kissing each of them before placing his mouth on your opening. You gasped and put your hands in his hair, and you felt him smile. His thumbs dug into your thighs as he licked up your slit, avoiding contact with your clit. And as badly as you wanted him to touch you there, this was already feeling better than everything Theo had done to you. “Tom,” you breathed out, squeezing your eyes shut. “Feels so go-” You cut yourself off with a moan as Tom started swirling his tongue around your clit. “Oh Christ,” you muttered. “Tom!” He wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked, causing you to whine again and arch your back.
“Can I add a finger?” he asked.
“Yeah,” you gasped. “Yes. Please, Tom.” He nodded and sucked his finger in his mouth, then slowly eased it into your opening. “Ahh!” you moaned.
“You okay, love?” he asked.
“Mhm,” you hummed. He slowly started moving his finger, still keeping his mouth on your clit. You squeezed your eyes shut as he slid another finger inside you. The sudden change in fullness startled you in a good way. So this was what foreplay was supposed to feel like. Tom added another finger, and you swore you were in heaven. He could tell you were feeling good by the way your jaw was dropped but no noise was coming out. He smiled and curled his fingers a bit so that they grazed your g-spot perfectly. “Tom,” you whispered. “I, I’m-”
“Cum for me, darling,” he said. “I’ve got you.”
Your thighs squeezed around his hand as he flicked his tongue over your clit and moved his fingers faster in and out of you. In seconds, you were coming around his fingers with a soft cry as you dug your head into the pillow. Tom kissed your thighs and slowed his fingers down to help you ride out your high. When you caught your breath, you blinked your eyes open and looked down at him. He had a lazy smile on his face, and he kissed up your body until he got to your lips. “You want to keep going?” he asked. You nodded and lifted your head slightly to kiss him. He pulled back quickly and tugged his shirt over his head, then let his jeans and boxers follow.
His cock was more impressive than Theo’s. Longer. Thicker. If his foreplay wasn’t enough, you knew now that sex with Tom was about to be much better than it was with Theo. Tom reached into his bedside drawer and pulled out a condom, wasting no time rolling it onto his length with his lower lip tucked between his teeth. He pressed his hands into the mattress on either side of your head, and you gripped his biceps in your hands, your nails leaving little half moon shapes across his skin. “S’okay,” he whispered to you, stroking your cheek with the back of his hand. “S’not gonna hurt, okay? I promise.” He leaned down to pepper gentle kisses across your face. “Do you trust me, love?” You nodded.
“Yeah,” you whispered. “Yeah. I trust you.”
Tom smiled and gripped his cock, lining himself up with your pussy. He guided himself in, inch by inch, kissing your neck and whispering words of encouragement into your ear as he did so. He was right. It didn’t hurt. In facte, it felt so fucking good, you wanted to cry. “Oh, Tom,” you muttered, your head tossing back. He kissed up the column of your neck, and you could feel a smile across his lips. Once he bottomed out, Tom paused, giving you time to adjust. You let out a shaky breath, and he moved his head so he could look in your eyes. He only hovered for a moment before pressing his lips to yours. You sighed into the kiss as his tongue slipped into your mouth, fighting for dominance against yours. He stayed still until you wrapped your legs around his waist, silently encouraging him to move. He pulled his hips back and thrust them forward in a slow, smooth stroke. You cried out in pleasure, and Tom moved to kiss your neck again.
“Oh fuck, (Y/N),” he moaned. “How’s it feel?”
“Tom,” you cried. “Feels so good.” He brought his fingers up to his lips and licked two of them before sliding his hand between your bodies. His fingers found your clit right away, and he started rubbing fast circles, hoping to bring you close to that edge. He wanted more than anything to move faster, to pound into your tight cunt like it was all his -like you were all his- but he held back. This time couldn’t hurt you at all. He wouldn’t be like that other guy. He wanted you to remember this. To happily remember this. Even more than that, he wanted this to mean something.
He just wasn’t sure he was ready to admit that much yet.
You squeezed around his member, and Tom muttered, “Fuck,” under his breath and moved his hips a little faster. “You’re close,” he said. It was a statement. Not a question. Like he already knew your body better than you did.
“Yeah,” you confirmed. “‘M close.”
He let his hand move at the same pace as his hips -faster and faster, bringing you closer and closer to climaxing. “Tom,” you cried. “I’m, I’m gonna, oh.”
You squeezed your eyes shut and came, squeezing so tightly he came right after. He moaned your name in your ear, slowing the movement of his hips to help you ride out your high. You gripped his hair in your fists, and he started kissing your neck again. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “Did you know that? Do you know how beautiful you are?” He pulled back so he could look in your eyes, then brushed his knuckles across your cheek again.
“Thanks, Tom,” you whispered. He smiled and pulled out of you, frowning as soon as you winced.
“Are you okay?” he asked. “Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?”
“No,” you said, shaking your head. “I’m okay.” He smiled softly and kissed your cheek, then pushed himself out of bed.
“Want you to go to the bathroom, okay?” he said. “Then we can go to bed.” You nodded, your head feeling a little hazy, then got out of bed. Tom watched with a soft smile as you trotted off to the bathroom. While you were gone, he changed the sheets, put on some clean boxers, and got you a pair of boxers and a t-shirt to wear to bed. You were back in a few moments, your hair now up in a bun and your makeup off your face. You gave him a sheepish smile, your arms folded awkwardly across your chest, and he smiled back. “I got you some clothes,” he told you. “You’re staying the night, yeah?”
“If that’s okay,” you said, hanging your head a bit.
“Course,” Tom said. You smiled, then took the clothes he offered you and changed. By the time you were dressed, Tom was under the covers. You got into bed beside him, and turned on your side to face him. “So,” he said, reaching out to stroke your cheek again, “how was that?”
You giggled. “I think you already know the answer to that.”
He chuckled. “It’s always good to hear the compliments out loud.” You rolled your eyes and gave his shoulder a shove. Your expression shifted a bit.
“How was I?” you asked. He gave you a soft smile.
“You were perfect, love,” he said. “Best I ever had.”
“Shut up,” you said. “Don’t lie.”
“I’m not lying!” he said. “I’ve ever had sex with someone I-” He cut himself off, his smile dropping a bit. “It’s just different.”
“With someone you what?” you asked. Tom swallowed, and you could sense something that looked like nerves in his eyes. “What?” you pressed, a giggle passing your lips. “What’s on your mind?” He sighed and sat up, causing you to furrow your eyebrows and mimic his position.
“(Y/N),” he said, “I love you.”
Your response was immediate.
“What?”
“I love you,” he repeated. “And, and I care about you so much. When, when you said sex with that douchebag was so bad, I wanted it to be better for you. You deserve something better than that. I really mean that. But, but what I didn’t tell you was that it was also, it was a way for me to-” He sighed, clearly annoyed with himself. “I wanted to sleep with you because I love you. I, I saw this as a chance to, to be with you the way I want to be with you. And I know how wrong that is. I know how messed up that sounds, but-”
“You love me?” you said. You were still having a hard time processing the admission. He just sighed and nodded. Before he could say anything else -and he looked like he was going to say something else- you closed the small space between the two of you in a kiss. He jumped, but the shock wore off quickly, and he rested his hand on your cheek. He smiled beneath the kiss, and you smiled back. When you pulled away, you kept your foreheads pressed together. “I love you too,” you whispered. “And, honestly, I wish my first time had been with you, but, but I’m glad you made this one count.”
“Yeah,” he said with a small chuckle. “Me too. And don’t you worry-” He pressed a kiss to your nose. “-all the times after this are gonna be just as good.”
“Yeah?” you giggled. “Promise?”
“Oh yeah,” he said with a grin. “I promise.”
----- ----- ----- -----
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Burn Without You Chapter 17
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Woo, time for some clashing and butting heads and all the brides get extra incentive to play nice because the selfish bitches now have a prize that’s worth more than any crown or kingdom. 
It’s going to be fun. 
Burn Without You 
Chapter 17
You walked by the other room where the other brides and Ashurah were in as they too were getting ready before you let Lukher know you wanted to speak with them privately before you knocked on the door. 
“Who’s there?” Serhan asked. 
“It’s just me.” You answered. 
“Then please come in.” They answered. 
“So, who have you talked to and what have you found out?” You asked them. 
“Thobin came us to this morning, and told us that it is Lukher’s mother Auralu who was responsible for this mess, and no she has not even tried to show her face to us to offer us an apology, nor anyone else from the envoy.” Serhan answered rather disgruntledly. 
“But has he told you that Irelu and Daon were coming up with a solution?” You asked. 
“I have no idea how they of all people could possibly do to fix this.” Ashurah huffed as she was getting her dupatta in place. 
“Well how about we meet with them all again, now that everyone has hopefully cooled off and come to an understanding of how and why everyone came to such wrong conclusions.” You proposed. 
“Spoken like a true diplomat.” Merrattah noted. 
“Well a diplomat that got dicked down so good she’s barely standing, so yeah.” You hinted with a salacious grin and a giggle which got all the girls to giggle too. 
“So he was at least functional in that respect?” Ashlign asked. 
“Oh yeah, functional and if anything, very adaptive and quickly became proficient. Oh and he was a virgin! He has been saving himself for me this whole time! And after the stones healed him to the best of their ability he’s now regained most of his hearing so he can hear me and speak to me so much better than he was able to last night and he can eat normally and while he has a long road of recovery in front of him and the deafness will eventually return, that’s not the end of the world for me, it means his other senses are heightened and right now, while he is able to hear me- we finally got some good heart to heart conversations and came to an understanding and got to be on the same page- well, in between four, maybe five sex sessions where I must have cum at least six or seven times and so good I’m pretty sure my soul levitated above my body because he got me so high?” You bashfully revealed which got them all to ‘ooh’ and giggle some more.  
“Someone must have given him one hell of an education because all those sex scenes in all those romance novels we read, didn’t even compare and he is actually really sweet, and tender and caring and beckoned my pleasure before he ever tried to chase his, which I thought was really nice and gentlemanly of him and I could not be happier with my choice and I know it looked really bad yesterday, and we all got off on the wrong foot because of unrealistic expectations and whatnot but today is a new day, I think once the truth really does come out on who and why they had such unreachably high expectations, we can learn to forgive. I do not feel ambushed, I don’t feel trapped, I don’t feel taken advantage of at all and Lukher is happy and content with what I am and how I am right now just as much as I am with him as perfectly imperfect as he is. He was standing right next to a cannon when it failed, it’s a wonder he is alive at all and losing your hearing comes with manning cannons, so please, for my sake, please, make an effort to be peaceable before you guys can fly the coop so to speak, hell fly your griffins home at the end of the week because this marriage celebration has several phases and it will take up multiple days but Lukher has already assured me that he will make it up to all of you for even making the difficult journey so there is even more to be gained by staying and seeing this through. Please?” You requested. 
“Of course Audrey, but for you and only you.” Serhan insisted. 
“Thank you.” You thanked them all as they all reluctantly agreed. 
“Now, once you’re ready, let’s go get some answers and clear the air and everyone can get on the same page and accept apologies to those who are really to blame for this.” You encouraged them as they all slipped their shoes on and left with you as you took up Lukher’s arm once more as the other girls followed behind you, their Captains and Commanders forming a protective barrier around them before Thobin met you half way. 
“Oh good, the private negotiation room is this way.” Thobin said as he then showed you where you were going as the family was sitting on one side, leaving you and Lukher to sit at the head of the table and the other brides and Ashurah to sit on the other side while at the end of the table, were the priests and priestesses from the day before were seated. 
“Now, thank you everyone for coming and trying to sort this misunderstanding out. Now, has everyone in this room read both the marriage offer and the contract from Dorierra?” You asked, taking command of the room before Auralu would have a chance to derail it. 
“Yes.” Everyone answered you. 
“And has the Clan Chief and Clan Chieftess signed it? To put it fully into effect?” You asked. 
“Not yet, we wanted to wait until you got here so you could see us sign it yourself.” Clan Chief Wardeen answered. 
“Thank you, I appreciate that. Now, what I want to know, is who had the idea that I or any other bride or representative of Dorierra had magical powers or abilities?” 
“They all swore to me that once you came you would cure Lukher!” Auralu quickly answered as she pointed accusingly at the priests and priestesses at the end of the table as you could both see everyone around the table practically sag thier shoulders and looked deadpanned at her. 
“And the healing stones that the Dorierran orcs brought with them did. See?” Lukher calmly added as his family all gasped in astonishment that he was able to talk normally and smile straightly for once. 
“And while I’m grateful the stones restored most of his functionality, becuase his eardrumbs didn’t fully heal, the pain from his ears ringing and his deafness will return to him eventaully and there is nothing that can be done about that.” Thobin insisted from his place over your shoulder. 
“And I’m eternally grateful for even this much. Thank you for sharing such a precious gift.” Lukher thanked Thobin graciously. 
“But what I want to know is how the entire clan expected me to be full moura with all my powers and abilities intact and were expecting me to heal him before the ceremony even started and when they didn’t see me do that because I have no such power or ability, now I’m worried that the whole clan thinks I’m a fraud and will revolt against me and reject me based on that unrealistic expectation, especially when all of you could have known before any of us left Dorierra that none of us had those powers and could have used the last three months to adjust your expectations and spread the truth instead of a false hope based on what I can only assume you heard from legend. Ashurah is both taunston and moura, yet she has no magical power or ability of either one.” You pointed out as you gestured over to her. 
“It makes me wonder and actually very suspicious, that if General Thobin had not had a healing stone and had not been able to heal Lukher at all- if the whole clan would have been pitted against me? And I would have had an attempt on my life last night for not living up to expectations and the Clan Chief’s own sons and daughters would have been pugged which is a fate worse than any kind of death all because you Clan Chieftess Auralu, refused to hear anything but your assumption. So, Auralu, since you obviously orchestrated the threat of the pugging, behind your own husband’s back, who is the Clan Chief and technically only he should have that authority, not you. I’m also assuming you orchestrated the whole clan to be so eager to see thier new Warchief and future Clan Chief fully and magically healed and that if I had failed your expectations, you would have had the entire clan turn on me without having to lift so much as a finger.” You accused as Auralu looked physically uncomfortable and squirmed and fidgeted in her seat under your own intense gaze as Wardeen himself seemed to have a dawning realization that your own suspiciouns were absolutely correct as he turned to her and glared hard at her as did Lukher as they both folded their arms over thier chests and stared her down as she avoided their gazes guiltily. 
“And if that wasn’t bad enough you actually put yourself between me and my husband, you kept us apart for the last three months, our enitre engagement so that if I didn’t live up to the unrealistic expectations you clung so hard to- Lukher would hate me and be disappointed in me and possibly removed my title and could have broken off his marraige with me and placed mistrust between us and would have doomed our relationship before it could even get off the ground and take flight. ” You posed as you looked ot Auralu accusingly. 
“That is exactly what it was Mom. She’s right and you know it.” Lukher insisted. 
“But all of them said that all of her children would have the cloaks and the powers and the magic and that you would completely heal him! How dare you question my faith and my trust into their own prophecy! Are you calling the holy and wise ones liars?” Auralu challenged.  
“We saw five years into their future, and that is what we saw, that she would be Lukher’s love match and a proper Queen of Yekmeni, and all of her children will be beautiful and have the best of the heavens and the best of the lands and the seas.” The head priest repeated. 
“How in the world could that be possible when I
” You began to interrupt. 
“Actually Daon and I think we have a solution about how that can happen and still become a reality and still come true. We live in a mountain range of the coast, surely there are other moura colonies who would be willing to part with a single collar for you.” Irelu quickly interceded as he got up and spread a map in front of you and Lukher with several possible locations of colonies already mapped out. 
“Mountain moura would rather die than give up a collar to anyone though.” Serhan argued. 
“Not necessarily. I can sense that many of them have spares, all we need to do is go there, ask nicely and pay whatever price they ask for- for the collar and you can gain a collar, gain your full power and abilities and then pass those onto your children.” The head priestess offered. 
“What could we possibly offer them that they would want though?” Wardeen asked. 
“Ships.” You immediately answered in an awed gasp as you looked at the marks above the Brighway Line.
“Sunco, you told me that the Brighway Line was the safest route to travel through between the contenents, it was long but it was safe because anything further north or south could fall prey to pirates. All these mountains where rivers originate from, that would give the colonies a water source, mountains grouped together to create a valley in the middle, that would provide space for livestock, and higher mountains would create the better breeding grounds for dragons. So there are most likely colonies here, here, here and here, or even here.” You began pointing the spots in question. 
“Colonies still need some goods delivered to them, like wood or other food stuffs or fabrics or furniture or whatever, they still need materials to build their houses in the mountains, they still need incoming goods, from merchants with ships small enough to maneuver up the rivers to the base of the mountains and we had so many interchanges with merchants who were headed to ‘colonies’ moura colonies. The merchants could sail up a river to the base of the mountain and then could hike and take roads up to the tops where the colonies are. And all we need to do is land a griffin either on the mountain road or right outside the outer gate to the colony out of respect for the colony, state our business there and wait to see their answers because anyone who the colonies don’t know can run the risk of being burned to death if you try to land inside the walls themselves.” You realized.  
“If Yekmeni gave these potential colonies, defensive ships, to protect the merchants delivering goods, goods that either they need or we need or even a peace aliance or permission to fly in our airspace so that they can get from colony to colony because mountain moura usually have higher percentages of beings with the cloaks than Dorierra does, and they most likely still take part in the heavenly moura tradition of celebrating the solstices by flying around the supersphere, following the sun on the summer solstice and the moon and the aurora borealis on the winter solstice. And all the mountain moura do it all together twice a year.” You revealed excitedly.  
“All we need to do is find out who is hosting the events, go there where all the moura from all over the world are and ask, we are only two weeks away from the Summer Solstice, it would take less than a few days to scout out exactly where the colonies are. The worst that can happen is they say no and we can’t do business but that’s ok. But for any colony beyond the Brighway Line, I think the offer of defensive ships to protect any harbors built where these rivers reach the sea, if we offer that protection up and down the coast so that the merchants sailing in the Brichway line can travel safely up the coast, and not so far out to sea to fall prey to the pirates, I think that would be an offer too good to pass up.” You insisted.  
“Surely each colony would only need like half a dozen ships to do that at each port and anyone who sees a Yekmeni Warship would also think twice before attacking just like anyone who sees a Dorierran bride and her stoned orcs do and once it’s known that we have allies with Dorierra and the other nations also allied with Dorierra, more merchants would feel much more comfortable making the sailings and even they could put pressure on the colonies own councils of leaders to accept the offer.” You ventured. 
“To the pirates- it would look like you’re expanding your lands and your territories, to the merchants- you would be much appreciated guards and safe passage up the coast where they could charge more for their goods and give you a percentage of their sales for your ships protecting them and their cargo, you don’t even have to man the ships if you didn’t want to, those that live in the colonies can learn to man the ships and make each ship have a fail safe, so that if for whatever reason, any pirate would try to overcome a Yekmeni Warship, a trigger can be set off and the ship itself can crack, fall apart and sink before the pirates could even try to load a single cannon and come against Yekmeni and the many merpeople and sharks would get an easy meal.” You realized. 
“Holy shit,” Thobin whispered in awe with a proud smile. 
“That’s brilliant.” Thobin praised as even the other brides were excited about the possibilties of a collar, because a collar could change everything for them, especially if there was more than one to be had. 
“It’s definitely worth a try. Plus legends that were passed down to us told us that taunstons and mouras were the first to become allies after the convergence. If these colonies find out that my Savia is moura, they might be much more inclined to give us what we want. We have thousands of ships, we can afford to part with at least a few and putting in a failsafe wouldn’t be that hard to implement.” Lukher insisted. 
“Well then I think it’s clear, we celebrate the rest of the wedding ceremonies, then we try Savia Audravienneway’s plan and we go from there. Out all of these potential colonies, surely one can spare a collar.” Wardeen answered before he got a pen and signed the agreement with Dorierra before he handed the pen to Auralu who happily signed it too. 
“Also I have just one more request.” You petitioned. 
“Name it, it’s yours.” Lukher readily answered. 
“I never want the authority and the potential to threaten to pug anyone to be in anyone’s hands but the Clan Chief and only if a solid case with all the facts are presented to him in a court of law.” You stipulated as you kept your gaze locked with Auralu’s who looked almost mortified and offended. 
“That is the only real power a Clan Chieftess has though! How will the clan fear and respect you otherwise?” Auralu argued. 
“First you accuse me of sabatoging my own first born’s wedding which I did not, and then you dare to even suggest to take me of my well earned rights as Clan Chieftess?” Auralu demanded angrily. 
“Well, in my opinion, you didn’t earn those rights, you took them from your husband and you misused them and you hoarded them, and you still pit the Clan Chief against his own family and had not the healing stones been a factor, you would have forced your own husband to pug his own children without just cause. Which is an equally impossible situation for him. A Clan Chieftess must earn her respect from the individual people in her clan, prove that her loyalties lie with representing them and making sure that even the smallest or youngest voices are heard, that the weak and the defenseless are heard. In Dorierra, a queen is to represent her people and her people’s best interests to the King who makes the decisions about the nation to ensure their welfare as a whole and they are to be a united team and this was not an act of unification, it was clearly an act of division. Anyone who does otherwise is no different than a tyrant, bullying it’s subordinates who only obey out of fear rather than respect. And when tyrants die, usually the people celebrate from no longer living under oppressive tyranny. And I don’t want that for Lukher or myself or for the Clan Chief Wardeen either, they both deserve better than that.” You stated simply. 
“I take it your own grandfathers who were Sultans were tyrants then? Is that why they were overthrown to begin with? Surely you speak from experience.” Auralu sneered smugly and you could feel the anger roll off of everyone in the room as your eyes narrowed but your grin grew and had a dangerous curve to it. 
“Actually no, it was a natural disaster that even the best of rulers could not help. Gray blight ravaged the food sources, then the green plague came in, poisoned a well, and killed off everyone who was hungry from lack of food and medicine. The three sultanate states shared food supplies in times of drought, which is when the gray blight broke out, in the middle of a very hard drought, even the royal family cut back to eating only one small and humble meal a day and tried to pass out it’s own foods from it’s own private guardens to the people and tried to buy foodstuffs and grains in bulk and give them away to the people to subsidize it and make the burden less hard to carry for everyone but even all of that was not enough.” You calmly corrected her.  
“All of you are very lucky here, Yekmeni has a water sprouting skyland locked within a tower so your water supply is guaranteed, every other nation in the world does not have such a luxury and can only rely on lakes, rivers, streams, rains, snows and wells for water. How long do you think Yekmeni would last if the skyland stopped sprouting water? How long do you think your crops would last without that water? Do you have water reservoirs? Do you have irrigation techniques? That could be implemented if that skyland stopped giving you water? Do you have any other safety net in place for when that oh so precious sky land stops giving you water? It has happened in the past, surely if it happened in the past it can happen again in the future. Because life can not exist without water. Food does not grow without water, even polar breadseed needs the moisture from thick heavy snows to water itself and even a cactus in a desert relies on rains that only happen a few times a year. However a person, no matter the size or species, can go weeks or months without food if they have enough fat reserves on their bodies. But a person can only go a few days without water before they perish. You think that just because you hold the last taunston fortress and have an armada of ships and have water sprouting skyland that you’re invincible?” You questioned all of them as even Wardeen and Lukher’s eyes got wide as they realized you were right once again as Lukher put his hand over his mouth as he looked worriedly at his dad who had a similar stance as even Auralu, Rubati and Davkee were all blindsided by the thought.  
“Sunco told me that had that mother bear cannon failed, the entire cliff front would have fallen into the sea, blocked your harbor, and the parts of Yekmeni that are on top of the cliff face would have also fallen into the sea and even the walls that hold that oh so precious skyland would have crumbled and would have been floating in the sky once again like it used to before it was caged in by the tower. This fortress would have been without a fresh water supply. All of you were so close to perishing just from one point of failure. Do you have any idea how many other points of failure you could have? All it would take is for me and my army a day to inspect this fortress and I can guarantee you that we would find multiple points of potential failure.” You insisted as you pointed to the room around you. 
“Oh we already have found at least seven potential points of failure.” Thobin added smugly as he stood over your shoulder and had his arms crossed over his chest and stared Auralu down. 
“But yet, I did not come here to break this fortress or put a wedge between anyone, especially in this family but there are casims that you created Auralu that even I can not cross or mend. I came here to unify and strengthen and I don’t mean to put enmity into this family who should love each other and stick together, and put aside your differences for the greater good and peace and try to swallow your egos, even as large as they are.” You began. 
“And never, ever threaten to pug the very ones responsible for bringing home your deliverance. If it was up to me and me alone, Clan Chieftess Auralu, I would have you stripped you of your title and place and all authority and everything you have for what you have done to this family, turning your husband against his own children and forcing him to choose between a threat you made behind his back but in front of the whole clan and his own natural love for his children. Which is absolutely dispicable to me.” You leveled with her. 
“Well what would you know, you’re just an outsider! You haven’t been married into this clan for a day yet! It’s you who doesn’t have faith or trust even in the holy.” Auralu snarled accusingly.  
“Look, believing in priests and priestesses and a prophecy is one thing and I am not questioning your faith or their abilities and if thats the vision they saw and if these colonies really will part with a collar, then that is spectacular and more than I ever would have hoped for or dreamed of or envisioned. But there is a distinction between faith- and hope for the things promised but not yet seen- and knowing and accepting the realities as they are- even if those realities clash with what you have been told and what you wanted to cling to and believe in. Had not Daon and Irelu found these maps and used their own intellect to figure out where these colonies can be, to show a potential solution, all of us would have been thoroughly fucked, me most of all and all of us would have to simply live with the fact that Lukher would be deaf for the rest of his life and his children by me or anyone else in Dorierra never would have had any gifts either.” You insisted.  
“Now I think it’s worth trying for, but I’m not gonna hold my breath so to speak and I’m not going to put every faith and hope into this plan. Because right now it’s a maybe at best and not a sure thing. And that isn’t enough to stake the future of Yekmeni on. And right now what I’m more concerned about- more than any collar or potential to be a full moura- is the safety, survival and hopefully the ability to thrive in this fortress. I want to have a back up if that skyland ever were to stop producing water, I want to make this fortress even stronger than it already is so that even if the whole world tried to throw everything they have against it, it would still stand and would not break. And that starts with letting Ashurah go to the base of the fortress to the puzzle door and try to figure out how to open it because inside must be something so valuable that the githyanki would be trying for over a decade to get to so far. Now Ashurah has her own theories, as do I, about what is in there, but we can’t know for sure either way until we figure it out, which will take time and effort to do, so for now, let’s move forward with our current understandings and hopes and dreams and lets enjoy this week the way we were meant to and we can cross all those other bridges when we get to them. Deal?” You proposed. 
“Deal, Clan Chieftess Auralu, at the request of Lukher’s Savia, and many more and especially myself, you are stripped of all authority and are only Clan Chieftess in name only since it’s clear that Savia Audravienneway is also only a moura in name only which is a fact you refused to listen to or believe. And because you put a wedge between me and the rest of my family and your own eldest son and his Savia as punishment for these offences. Your stipend will go to Savia Audravienneway- until she gives birth to her second son. And she can do as she pleases with it. Rubati, you are now officially my Savia and Davkee you are second only to Rubati and Auralu, both of them are now over you and may they wield thier power over you the same way you have wielded your own over them all this time. Also I would like to offer my deepest most sincere apologies to the others from Dorierra, we had no intention of tricking you ambushing you or anything of the like. And you are all officially free to do as you wish and right now, gifts and reimbursements are being carried to your suite of rooms for the trouble of coming all the way here.” Wardeen offered. 
“Thank you.” Serhan and the others thanked him graciously. 
“And I too would like to apologize to all of you for not disclosing all the facts, hopefully you can understand the very difficult, if not impossible situation I was put into and I was sworn to secrecy because Clan Chieftess Auralu was so absolutely confident in our own priests and priestesses prophecies that she would not hear of anything else.” Sunco offered. 
“Thank you for your honesty and humility in even offering these apologies they are greatly appreciated and Sunco, you and your envoy have my full and free forgiveness and Wardeen you also have my full and free forgiveness for what was clearly a misunderstanding on your part, but was clearly something much more malicious on Auralu’s part and I can only give my condolences that your own Clan Chieftess threatened your own children with pugging behind your back to the point that by the time you came to know about it, it was too late for even you to save your own children. Which is a position I swear on my life I will never put Lukher or anyone else in. All Dorierrans know exactly how awful and vicious a pugging can be, it is a fate worse than any kind of death, it’s been over a thousand years since anyone in any Dorierran orc clan was pugged, and the only recourse Dorrierra has for it’s other citizens is expulsion from the country which sadly, happens all the time for any number of reasons and it’s something that our Dorierran orcs shudder at the memory of. And the fact that you Auralu used such a terrible threat against your own husbands children, against his own sister, his own flesh and blood to get what you wanted and would not accept anything less than your unrealistic expectations, tells me much about you, and not anything good. You do not have my forgiveness and it will take quite a bit of work to earn my trust and respect again. A Dorierran’s trust is hard to gain, quick and easy to lose and extremely difficult to regain.” You warned her. 
“Lukher, I would not like to extend the invitation to my suite of rooms to your mother Auralu for the time being, it is however always free and open to Wardeen, Rubati, Davkee and all of your other brothers and sisters, whether your own mother birthed them or not, I see the way this was orchestrated and frankly I fear for what your mother might try to hurt me with if she had access to my private sanctuary.” You turned to him and gave him a pleading look. 
“If you had not said this, I would have, because I agree, I don’t trust my own mother around you.” Lukher nodded in agreement as he gave you a proud smile. 
“And beloved priests and priestesses, please in the future, instead of looking to the best possible future, look to the realities of the present, I understand a goal to achieve is important to have and strive for. I understand that all of you spiritually lead this clan which I have hope that it will soon be a very great nation. Please, be careful with such power and do not abuse it or wield it only for your personal gain and please take Auralu’s example to heart. I’m sure you can all tell that I speak the truth when I said I want to make this clan a great nation, I want to make this fortress stronger than it’s ever been and I want to earn the respect of every member of the clan and far beyond and I only want peace and prosperity for every member of the clan and I want all of them to not just survive but thrive and be as happy and content as they can be. And I do not want any of them to fear me, but look to me as a friend and ally, who will put their welfare above my own, for all of them are the legs of which we stand on and that position of strength deserves respect and dignity. Please, guide me in how to earn their trust and faith in this matter.” You urged them. 
“Your honesty and integrity have already done that. Your humility and willingness to compromise to find the best solutions will take you far here and when you do not flinch in the face of a menacing threat and an insult means that you are steady and secure in your footing. You are very well balanced and well tempered, you are confident but not haughty, flexible without forsaking your own ethics or integrity and your sense of righteous justice is tempered with mercy. You will make an excellent queen when the time comes and Yekmeni can rest easy, knowing they can confidently put their trust and faith in you.” One of the priests praised. 
“Thank you,” you thanked them graciously before another attendant knocked on the door. 
“The festivities are ready to begin.” They announced. 
“Excellent.” Wardeen smiled before he got up from his spot as the others got up from their spots. 
“Lukher, wait for me, I wish to have a few words privately with the others from Dorierra.” You whispered to him. 
“Of course, I’ll be in the hall.” Lukher nodded before he left the room and shut the door behind him. 
“Now then.” You smiled schemingly to the others who instantly mirrored you as you turned on your toes to face them.  
“Starting tomorrow morning, I want all of you and only your ladies in waiting to fly around and scout the coast line for colonies because two human looking women on griffinback won’t be that much of a threat to anyone. Once you find them, come back and we will put them on the map, I will write down official offer letters to each colony as well as to all the merchants, hopefully we all kept track of who we ran into through the Brighway LIne. Take the letters for the colonies, go to the gates and each one of you will pick a different colony. I want the offer to be for two collars, one for each of you and the second, should they have it, be either for me or if I can find a colony and find one with a spare collar, I too shall get two, I want all of us to have collars and ideally a collar and a spare. You heard Wardeen, you guys are free to do anything you want and I want each of you to have something that will guarantee your own future happiness within the country should you decide to go back to it. And if Dorierra wants to play ball with this trade agreement, I’m more than ready and willing to do that. But I want all of you to have the upper hand and I’m sure even the possibility of a collar and one that you don’t personally have to pay for- can buy your own forgiveness to Sunco and the envoy. All the priests and priestesses looked at was my future, not yours. Which means your own fate is in your own hands. A collar guarantees you everything you could ever want, especially in Dorierra. Leave Lukher and Yekmeni and the other details to me, honestly I want a second collar to give to Maisarra, but you guys can do whatever you want with your second collar, I don’t care as long as it’s something you want to do. Let Dorierra choose which is more important, anything here in Yekmeni or you guys and your collars, which you should stipulate stay with you and only you for as long as you’ll live and demand whatever you want from them. We have Dorierra by the nose if we can pull this off, all of us can get more than we’ve ever dreamed of this way.” You encouraged them in an excited whisper as you huddled together as you spoke marinai to them. 
“Agreed.” They all whispered and giggled. 
“To the moura,” you put your hand out before the other quickly stacked their hands on top of yours. 
“To the moura.” They repeated before you got calmed down and recomposed before you left, as Lukher’s was waiting patiently in the hallway for you as you eagerly and happily took his offered arm and felt like you were practically bouncing down the halls. 
“What has you so excited?” Lukher asked. 
“I made a plan with the other brides, the colonies will only let them and their ladies in waiting approach the colony from outside the gate and if only one of them can get a collar, I can heal you and you won’t have to worry about never hearing my voice again and this way everyone can win and no one has to lose anything else, especially you.” You urged him. 
“Or you, and you is all I care about.” Lukher insisted. 
“Me too.” You insisted before you kissed him quickly behind a set of doors before you were announced to have arrived and everyone cheered at seeing Lukher mostly healed, with his beard and mustache shaved clean off so he could show off how well he had healed as everyone was overjoyed he could hear them for the most part and were very grateful to you for doing as much as you could and the number 1 most common question was- what it felt like- and Lukher’s answer was that ‘it felt like falling into a blissful sleep and waking up refreshed’ and that ‘you were the last thing his eyes saw before they closed and the first thing he saw when he opened them again and how lucky and grateful and happy and completely in love with you he was’ and he would not have you leave his side for anything as he introduced as many people as he could to you which you lost track of all the names but tried to remember the individual faces as much as you could as you could see Ashurah and Irelu start to make amends and now you hoped that Maisarra and Daon would too.
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j-crawley · 3 years
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1OO IMPORTANT CHARACTER QUESTIONS
PART 1: THE BASICS
What is your full name? James Crawley
Where and when were you born? London, England in 1875
Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.) James’ sire’s name is Isabelle. He also recognises her as his mother because his birth parents were killed before he could remember. Isabelle is an ancient vampire who is over four thousand years old and is one of the few who kept herself out of the supernatural wars when they were waged across the earth. 
Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? The only ‘siblings’ he has are the other vampires Isabelle has sired throughout her life, of which there are four others. He has only met two of this four. 
Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. Krovs Town and with his cats. 
What is your occupation? Police officer
Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks. Blonde hair, blue eyes. 6″1, 165lbs, Caucasian. Dresses smart most of the time. He enjoys fashion and being stylish and tends to keep it tasteful and less over-the-top. No tattoos or scars.
To which social class do you belong? James was born to a family in the middle class and Isabelle brought him up to the age of thirteen accordingly. Isabelle herself is amongst the upper class and she introduced him to that life after he was turned. 
Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? Being a dhampir (half-vampire, half-human), James is the weakest of the vampire hybrids and is susceptible to the weakness of his species. Other than that, he has no allergies or diseases.
Are you right- or left-handed? Left handed.
What does your voice sound like? (link)
What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? “Oh dear.”
What do you have in your pockets? Notebook, pen, vials of feline blood.
Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? James is a clean freak and is very particular about the cleanliness of his own space.
PART 2: GROWING UP
How would you describe your childhood in general? James had a pleasant childhood with Isabelle until she disappeared when he was about thirteen years old. The trauma of losing his parental figure had him becoming obsessed with finding her ‘killer’.
What is your earliest memory? Reading a children’s book with Isabelle.
How much schooling have you had? He studied hard enough and went through the proper education system to become a constable in Scotland Yarad and eventually a detective.
Did you enjoy school? Of course. James enjoys learning and he considers his university days some of the best of his life, even if it happened quite a long time ago for him.
Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? He leaned a lot about life from John, his mentor who took him in after Isabelle’s disappearance. His deductive skills were picked up through a mix of John’s training, school and his various stints as a police officer/detective in various towns. His skills as a vampire were mostly learned from Isabelle.
While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. Isabelle and John.
While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? James gets along very well with those he considers his family.
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? James wanted to become a police officer since the age of thirteen.
As a child, what were your favorite activities? Reading, collecting insects. The latter of which is something he grew out of.
As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? Curiosity, dutiful, cheerful, generous, polite, extraversion.
As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? James was quite focused on his studies when he was a child and his only friend was John until he went to university. He started making more friends at university where he found himself amongst those who were in the high society and made a lot of connections that way. 
When and with whom was your first kiss? He got drunk with his university friends on a night out at a men’s social club and kissed a man named Thomas in secret. They started an affair before he met his eventual wife, Elizabeth, and he decided that he needed to settle down with her as society deemed a man should.
Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? No. He lost it to the same man in the previous answer.
If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities.  Read all about it here.
PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES
What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? Being turned into a dhampir.
Who has had the most influence on you? Isabelle.
What do you consider your greatest achievement? Finding Isabelle again.
What is your greatest regret? He sometimes wonders what his human life would’ve been like had he not been turned. 
What is the most evil thing you have ever done? After becoming a dhampir, James has taken the law into his own hands and killed a number of times when the authorities would not do what he believed they needed to. As a law-abiding person, these actions went against his moral code and he considers them ‘evil’ in a way.
Do you have a criminal record of any kind? No. He lived in a time when being gay was illegal, but he was never caught for having an affair with a man.
When was the time you were the most frightened? When he almost killed his wife and son when he lost control. It was what spurred him to leave them.
What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? Elizabeth catching him with Thomas about a year into their marriage. James was still in love with Thomas but had to ultimately end things with him for his family. It was both embarrassing and heartbreaking.
If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? He wishes that he had gone to visit his wife before she died, but he had been too afraid of how she would react and so he stayed away. He considers himself a coward because of this.
What is your best memory? The birth of his son - Johnathan.
What is your worst memory? Visiting his elderly son on his deathbed and having Johnathan recognise him and hate him for leaving. This was James’ first experience of losing someone mortal and it served as a harsh reminder of his very immortal life.
PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS
Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? Mostly an optimist.
What is your greatest fear? Losing control and killing an innocent.
What are your religious views? James would consider himself spiritualist and his faith is very personal to him.
What are your political views? James is heavily influenced by Isabelle’s stance on not siding with the current ruling power - the Vampires - even if he is one himself. 
What are your views on sex? Over the years, he has learned to loosen up when it comes to sex. Having grown up in a time that was more puritanical, it took a long while, despite Isabelle’s more liberal views on sex and sexuality, before James was able to view the act as something fun to engage in -- especially gay sex.
Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? Yes. Being half-vampire, the desire to kill is always there but James keeps that urge on a tight leash. He has killed in the past (see answer in P3) when he felt that he had no choice.
In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? Harming children in any way.
Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? Leaning undecided to no.
What do you believe makes a successful life? Happiness and sense of purpose.
How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? This actually depends on who James is speaking to. He’s usually more guarded and would put on a mask when he is with other vampires, but who’s to know if that mask is actually a part of him too?
Do you have any biases or prejudices? He would like to think not.
Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? James refuses to drink the blood of humans and other supernatural creatures because it turns him into something he does not like. It is why he only drinks animal blood.
Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? He hasn’t thought about this...
PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS
In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? In general, James is very polite and friendly to everyone he meets.
Who is the most important person in your life, and why? At the moment, it’s his cats.
Who is the person you respect the most, and why? Isabelle. She taught him a lot about the world and he is forever grateful for that.
Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people. James has many friends in all the places he has lived in, but due to having to move around often, there are not many that he would consider best friends.
Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person. His wife passed away in the early-1900s and he has not married again ever since. While James has had a few lovers after that, there are not many that he could consider particularly significant.
Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. Yes. James met and fell in love with his university friend, Thomas, and started an affair with him. This was highly illegal at the time, but they continued the affair until after James got married. It ended when James’ wife found out about them. James was more in love with Thomas than he was with Elizabeth and she knew this.
What do you look for in a potential lover? Someone he can be at ease and be himself with.
How close are you to your family? He is still very close to Isabelle, the only family he has left.
Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? James had a wife and son, both of whom have passed on in present day. He has not settled down again since.
Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? Isabelle.
Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? Isabelle. While he lives his life separate from her, she still keeps tabs on him and James trusts her to look out for him if it ever came down to it.
If you died or went missing, who would miss you? Isabelle.
Who is the person you despise the most, and why? The closest is probably Izaak because the man killed his birth parents. But James rationalises that he never knew his birth parents and Izaak is like a brother to Isabelle, and so he has somewhat forgiven him.
Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? James tends to avoid conflict and will only argue if absolutely necessary.
Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? Only if there is no one else to do so. James prefers to follow.
Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? James enjoys socialising because people intrigue him, even if he keeps them at arms length. 
Do you care what others think of you? Yes, he actually does because of the time period he grew up in. He has loosened up a lot more over the last few decades but it’s not something he can easily put out of his mind.
PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES
What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? Reading. Cleaning. Spending time with his cats.
What is your most treasured possession? His first edition copy of A Study in Scarlet that Isabelle gifted to him when he was a child. Crime novels were all the rage during the Victorian Era and these books were also what spurred him to become a police officer.
What is your favorite color? Light green.
What is your favorite food? Before becoming a dhampir, one of James’ favourite bakes was the Spotted Dick.
What, if anything, do you like to read? Crime fiction.
What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? A good book. (Are you sensing a pattern here yet?) He enjoys films from time to time but strongly prefers the written word.
Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? He smokes occasionally because he finds the act of it enjoyable. As an immortal there is little point in quitting.
How do you spend a typical Saturday night? He alternates between going to a bar to meet new people and staying at home on Saturday nights. This is something that he has yet to do in Krovs Town.
What makes you laugh? His cats.
What, if anything, shocks or offends you? Rude and disrespectful people.
What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? James is usually very good at finding something to occupy his mind with. If he were burdened with insomnia, he would use the time to 
How do you deal with stress? James stress cleans.
Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? He can be spontaneous on occasion but takes comfort in knowing that he usually has a plan.
What are your pet peeves? Being micromanaged.
PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER
Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted? Wakes up, feeds his cats, showers, gets dressed while having his breakfast, heading to work. Comes home, feeds his cats, eats, extracts blood from one of his cats, showers again, gets ready for bed. He does not like his morning routine being messed with but he will roll with the punches anyway.
What is your greatest strength as a person? Being able to anticipate another’s needs.
What is your greatest weakness? His fear of not being able to be in control of his vampiric half.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? To be less conflict-averse. He feels like he could achieve a lot more but he really does not like being pushed into conflict.
Are you generally introverted or extroverted? He can swing between both, whereby he is generally extroverted but still values his alone time.
Are you generally organized or messy? Organized.
Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. Good: Small talk, powers of deduction, reading people. Bad: Cooking, singing, dancing. ((ooc: LOL what even!))
Do you like yourself? Most of the time.
What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons
) James takes his role as a police officer and servant to the people very seriously. He is someone who tends to wear his heart on his sleeve when it comes to this subject as well, so what he usually says what he means when asked about his profession.
What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? James does not have a far-reaching goal. He is mostly focused on his job and doing it well for whatever community he is serving.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Hopefully still living in Krovs Town.
If you could choose, how would you want to die? Peacefully.
If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. Make sure his cats are taken care of. Other than that, James is actually happy to spend his last moments with himself.
What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? James wants to be remembered by how he made others feel.
What three words best describe your personality? Kind, generous, helpful.
What three words would others probably use to describe you? Nice, pushover, slow-on-the-uptake.
If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice
) He needs to be a bit selfish and figure out what he wants in life for himself. James is mostly living his life in servitude of others at the moment.
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strngrmdst-a · 5 years
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PART 2: GROWING UP
How would they describe their childhood in general?
In a word: bad. 
What is their earliest memory?
Rainy day, grey sky, his mother trying to put him and Jim into a car, on their way to an appointment, or something.
How much schooling have they had?
Richard had schooling all the way up to the university level. All the schools Rich attended, including his university, were rural and mostly low-performing. He dropped out of university before he could finish his degree.
Did they enjoy school?
Richard loved school. He loved learning things, of course, but more importantly it was a safe haven from his home life. He went to university because it would allow him to get away from his father.
Where did they learn most of their skills and other abilities?
Richard has always been a gifted story writer, though the ‘telling’ part, with his stutter and nerves, didn’t really come until university. Navigating the world of crime is really something he picked up on the job, but memorization tricks, speech habits, accents, all that got started in his late teens/early twenties with acting classes. Other things like languages were mostly self-taught. Things like making himself seem harmless and non-threatening came from life experience as a short-ish kid with big eyes and a stutter.
While growing up, did they have any role models? If so, describe them.
James Cagney and Edward G. Robinson- so much so that Rich took his pen name from them. They were the first actors he really saw on screen, thanks to his father’s love of early cinema. They seemed so cool to him, and he liked that they could play hardened, violent criminals in one film and dancers and singers in the next (not that his father was eager to show him Yankee Doodle Dandy).
While growing up, how did they get along with the other members of their family?
Rich’s relationship with his immediate family was strained. Throughout his childhood he was afraid of his father, who in turn both didn’t like him and didn’t have the empathy/patience to raise children. Rich was close to his mother when he was young, but she left his life before he was a teenager. He never found out what happened to her but for a long time (still maybe to this day) really resented her for leaving.
 He and Jim, as twins, probably had the best relationship. Rich relied heavily on Jim for a lot of things, and had complete blind faith in him. This usually meant Jim talked Rich into various schemes, which didn’t always end well for one or both of them. They didn’t fight when they were young because Rich was too busy hero-worshiping. 
Rich only met extended family once or twice. To his knowledge, he has no surviving relatives outside Jim.
As a child, what did they want to be when they grew up?
Rich wanted to make films- whether acting, behind the scenes, or writing them.  
As a child, what were their favorite activities?
Rich enjoyed reading (when he could get away with it), and acting out scenes (by himself, typically from memory) he could remember from films. He spend a lot of time outside or hidden away, avoiding his father, which meant a lot of time alone. When he couldn’t act, he recited scripts and stories to himself, or tried to write them down, or both.
As a child, what kinds of personality traits did they display?
Curiosity, shyness, a want to help. Voluntary muteness, anxiety, over-dependence on his brother. Rich was a cute kid but he was being abused, and that reflected very strongly in his attitude in his primary school days. Unfortunately, many of the symptoms of abuse were either missed, ignored, or chalked up to him being ‘oversensitive’ and a ‘crybaby’ by his instructors and school staff. What wasn’t ignored was also blamed on his mother’s leaving them. Eventually, Rich learned that the more he (and Jim) misbehaved, the more likely it was to get back to their father, and the more likely he’d face even more trouble. He became mostly well-behaved, if a little too over-eager to complete tasks and a little too withdrawn. 
As a child, were they popular? Who were their friends, and what were they like?
Rich’s ‘best’ friend was Jim, but he did get along with others in class. The issue was that their parents didn’t like Rich’s family and so wouldn’t let their children interact with Rich and Jim. They did try, once. Rich and Jim were invited to a sleep over. It ended badly. 
When and with whom was their first kiss?
Rich’s first kiss was when he was about six. It was at the previously mentioned badly-ending sleep over, with another boy. It wasn’t romantic- there was a kiss in a film they were all watching, and Rich and the boy wanted to see what it was like. They didn’t actually get kicked out of the party until one of the other children started bullying Rich for it, and Jim punched him in the face. Their mother was the one who took them home. She never told their father why. It was for the best.
Are they a virgin? If not, when and with whom did they lose their virginity?
Rich lost his virginity when he was eighteen and just in university. It was with a young woman in his program who’d been flirting with him all night at a party. It was consensual, if clumsy, but she was good-humored and pretty and nice. The sex was just ‘fine’- Richard got more out of getting her off than he did in his own orgasm. 
They didn’t date but they did remain close friends until he left university, and for a few weeks after he returned home. Their relationship ended badly, with Rich cutting contact.
If they are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how they became what they are or first learned of their own abilities. If they are just a normal human, describe any influences in their past that led them to do the things they do today.
magic!verse: 
When Rich was young, his twin brother died. Definitely, for sure died. It happened in front of his own eyes. And yet, the next morning, there his brother was, in their room, rolling out of his own bed and complaining about getting up early for school. Their father never really trusted the new-Jim, but their father also didn’t really like either of his sons, so home life wasn’t much changed. In school, things started happening, to animals, to school supplies, to people who annoyed them. The teachers only noticed that Jim was getting more charming and more willing to work with others. After a while, Rich thought maybe he was crazy and the entire death and resurrection was just another fantasy made up in his head.
Until Carl Powers was killed, and the not-Jim told him itself that it wasn’t his brother. It told him it was getting bored, and it was going to leave, and that if Rich didn’t grow a spine his father was going to end up killing him, too. It told him that it might kill Rich itself, just on principal. 
It didn’t kill him, but it did leave a few years later. By that time, Rich knew that he wanted to be useful to it, still. He begged it to teach him magic- and when it got bored of that, Rich did what he could to teach himself.
main!verse:
Rich was always very dependent on Jim, but there was a period of time when they had no contact at all. This was a difficult time for Rich because as much of a questionable influence as he was, Jim was still the closest Rich had to a support system. With him gone, it was just he and his father. As he aged, Rich was better able to recognize the abuse and better able to navigate it- and the ‘it’s getting better’ and ‘he’s remorseful’ cycle his father went through. He applied to university without telling his father, worked hard to get into it, and did everything he could to stay at it or with friends or classmates.
Before he could graduate, a neighbor from home managed to find Rich’s contact information and get in touch. She told him his father was dying, that all he wanted was to see his sons and make amends, and that Rich owed him that wish, at least. So Rich went home to find a dying man who refused treatment and refused to give up the vices that were literally killing him but did seem, for once, genuinely remorseful. 
Maybe it was the guilt of staying away so long, the guilt of not feeling guilty for running away, or his desperate want to have a loving connection, but Rich decided to stay. They plan was to resume his studies after his father’s passing, after matters were settled. But that never happened. After his father’s death, it came out that his vices had him in heavy debt with some bad people, who were more than willing to hold Rich to that debt. Rich starting abusing alcohol, just like his father, who was the one who made it a habit for him by insisting they drink together in his last days. Things were bad, and this was how Rich got into ‘crime’, really- though nothing compared to the things Jim did.
It was how the twins were reunited again. Jim found Rich in a shitty, falling-apart studio flat doing shitty, sloppy jobs for a third-rate gang. Honestly, Rich had assumed Jim’d disappeared or died just like their mother (or maybe never existed in the first place). He appeared like from no where and was a chance for a different life. Rich refused to lose the last of his family. Refused. He decided he’d do anything and everything to make sure he stayed in Jim’s life.
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ohmahree-blog · 6 years
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99 IMPORTANT CHARACTER QUESTIONS
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PART 1: THE BASICS
What is your full name? Omari Rashad Beckham
Where and when were you born? 3/18/1993
Who are your parents? Rodney Beckham; Rodney is an established real estate agent. He’s a firm believer in discipline and earning everything w/ no handouts. Though he’s stern on me, he’s a gentle giant to my mama. Giselle Beckham; She’s an elementary school teacher with tons of patience. She's very vocal and has an answer to everything. Though she’s molded me to be her very own mama’s boy, she still allowed my dad to make me into a man.
Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? My brother, Demetrius, passed when I was 14 and he was 15 from drowning. He was my best friend, my partner in crime and even my role model despite the closeness in our age. Our dad taught us to always have each other’s back and we never strayed from that lesson. Demetrius was more rebellious but I was never one to say no to the adventures, including our last mischievous episode where we snuck out to hang with friends at the lake.
Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. I currently live in a 3-bedroom 2-story home in Los Angeles that was sold to me by my dad with a small ass discount. It’s not a massive house but it’s my own sanctuary for myself, my shoes and my Frenchy.
What is your occupation? I am a retired drug dealer shoe store owner.
Write a full physical description of yourself.  A meal. Too many tattoos to count. Several marks from a curious childhood.
To which social class do you belong? Lower middle class.
Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? I’m allergic to kiwi and I’m honestly lactose intolerant but I often ignore it.
Are you right- or left-handed? Right-handed
What does your voice sound like? I wouldn’t know how to describe it tbh.
What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? “Honestly” & “and shit”
What do you have in your pockets? Nothing.
Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? I have to count steps on when taking stairs. I laugh alot, no matter the emotion I’m feeling, I laugh. I stare people in the eyes when they talk to me, I don’t like not seeing a person’s face when they’re physically in my presence talking to me.
PART 2: GROWING UP
How would you describe your childhood in general? It was a typically decent childhood. I had a strict ass father, but that didn’t stop me and my brother from rebelling and doing our own thing.
What is your earliest memory? Being dropped off at a daycare and crying like a lil’ bitch until my mama sat down on the carpet with me. I think she snuck out on me at one point though.
How much schooling have you had? Despite all my setbacks, I graduated college with my bachelor’s degree.
Did you enjoy school? Yeah, bitches, sports and I was the plug on campus. Even though all of that got me in trouble with the laws a few times.
Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? My dad, my brother, the streets.
While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. My brother, he was fearless and he was wise beyond his time. He put me onto hella game. My father as well. Even though we bumped heads alot, he taught me valuable lessons and also left me to learn a few lessons on my own.
While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? No chaos here, typical teenage angst at times but it was fine once the dust settled.
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? A professional football player.
As a child, what were your favorite activities? Playing sports, real life and on game consoles.
As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? I was a curious child. I also liked to test my limits and boundaries, what’s the word for that? I was a follower, but only to my brother.
As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? Of course I was. Isaiah was one of my first best friends after we beat each other the fuck up. He was territorial and a smart ass. Still is. But he was loyal and a host of other things. My brother was another one. The rest were just friends in passing. People knowing me but me not knowing them was common.
When and with whom was your first kiss? This big booty bitch named Stacy in 5th grade. She was in 7th. I counted her as my first kiss because them other lil kisses was nothing compared to that.
Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? Absolutely not. I lost it in 8th grade to my homeboy’s big sister.
Describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. After my brother died, I shut down. Nothing was worth experiencing without my him with me. I briefly dropped out of school unbeknownst to my parents and that’s when I got introduced to the trap. I started doing runs for the big guy and the money was good. That lasted for almost 8 years until the last time my parents had to bail me out of jail and gave me an ultimatum that was far worse than the one from the judge.
PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES
What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? The grand opening of my shoe store.
Who has had the most influence on you? My family
What do you consider your greatest achievement? Graduating from college
What is your greatest regret? Letting my dad down and making my mama cry.
What is the most evil thing you have ever done? I can’t say.
Do you have a criminal record of any kind? Absolutely.
When was the time you were the most frightened? When I thought I would get 10 years in the feds.
What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? I had a wet dream while taking a nap at school and messed up my pants.
If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? I’d have my brother here with me to make life worth living.
What is your best memory? Going to Disneyland when I was like 10 with my family.
What is your worst memory? I have too many.
PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS
Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? Optimistic
What is your greatest fear? My parents dying, because then I’d really be alone.
What are your religious views? Organized religion isn’t for me, but I believe in the higher power.
What are your political views? I’m for what’s right.
What are your views on sex? Sex is a choice and should never be anything otherwise.
Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? Yes. Various reasons but most importantly to protect.
In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? Hurt a child.
Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? Yeah eventually
What do you believe makes a successful life? Being able to change another person’s life.
How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? Depends on the recipient and the circumstance
Do you have any biases or prejudices? Of course.
Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? Yeah, I still have a conscience and I believe in karma.
Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? My family.
PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS
In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? I’m good to people as long as they’re good to me. My vibe depends on yours.
Who is the most important person in your life, and why? My mom, she’s a gem.
Who is the person you respect the most, and why? My father, he deserves it.
Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people. Isaiah & Hendrix. They’re my greater thirds. They get me.
Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person. My wife’s name is Krystal. She’s amazing and beautiful and patient and I don’t deserve her.
Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. Yeah, but then the government told us to cut that shit short.
What do you look for in a potential lover? Everything I see between my parents. Patience, love, sacrifice, honesty, shit like that.
How close are you to your family? Very, they’re all I have.
Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? No, not yet and I just haven’t found the right person or it just wasn’t the right time. But soon.
Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? Hendrix
Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? Not really. I would say my parents but I feel like they’ve done all the protecting they could.
If you died or went missing, who would miss you? I wish I knew.
Who is the person you despise the most, and why? Nobody that I can think of.
Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? I avoid conflict. I know what I’m capable of when upset, so it’s always best for me to avoid.
Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? Somewhat. Just depends if I become too uncomfortable I have to do something to fix it then.
Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? No, I have to people watch in order to become comfortable in social settings. I can’t watch too many people.
Do you care what others think of you? Only those that I love.
PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES
What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? I like to draw now, spend time with my peeps, try different strains of weed, nap.
What is your most treasured possession? My store, Urban Soles
What is your favorite color? Black
What is your favorite food? Anything with shrimp. or wings.
What, if anything, do you like to read? The 48 Laws of Power
What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? Music of course, I love watching movies. If I watch a series it has to have completed seasons, if I can’t binge I dont want it.
Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? I smoke weed and drink when I’m out. It’s not out of control but I don’t plan on stopping.
How do you spend a typical Saturday night? If I’m not with my wife now, I’m out with the boys, probably at Zay’s club.
What makes you laugh? Any and everything to be honest.
What, if anything, shocks or offends you? Rude mfs, bullies, people that are just unnecessarily disrespectful.
What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? Wake up my wife. Watch Netflix. Eat. Scroll social media.
How do you deal with stress? Smoke, drink, sleep.
Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? Spontaneous.
What are your pet peeves? People eating crunchy things, metal scraping metal, crowded spaces, poorly laced shoes, my time being wasted, people that are late on my time.
PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER
Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted? I wake up bout 8 or 9. Check emails for the most part. Stuff my face. Go to the store and handle bidness. Make time for food a few times throughout the day and then come back home.
What is your greatest strength as a person? I’m reliable and always come through.
What is your greatest weakness? I don’t always know how to say no.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My temper.
Are you generally introverted or extroverted? I’m in between.
Are you generally organized or messy? Organized for the most part.
Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. I’m good at getting my way, making others happy annnnd drawing. I’m terrible at lying, singing and admitting when I’m wrong.
Do you like yourself? Yeah, I’m cool.
What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? Franchising my business.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I see myself being a father, happily married. Having a second store, maybe 3rd. Happy, healthy.
If you could choose, how would you want to die? Peacefully in my sleep.
If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. Update my will, write letters to everyone I love, sleep.
What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? My big heart.
What three words best describe your personality? Random, Spontaneous, Protective
What three words would others probably use to describe you? Annoying, Funny, Mannish
If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? Don’t be scared to be who you supposed to be. If they don’t fuck with it, fuck em.
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scoundrels-in-love · 6 years
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LMIYD and Bo, analysis of an a-hole
After @strawwolf​ picked up cdrama Love Me If You Dare, I ended up thinking about the drama again and why I stopped somewhere around 15th episode. I do plan to finish it, I did not hate it. But why did it lose its appeal to me?
Mostly, I asked this question, because, you see, I love smart asshole trope. I won’t deny this. From some of my favorite mangas (Special A and Kaichou wa Maid-sama! - don’t judge me, I was early teens) to my favorite TV shows, most of them have this trope. And I take it every time - line, hook and sinker.
So, why not in Love Me If You Dare? (This may contain spoilers, to be honest, but I will try to minimized them.)
And as I thought, I started to realize some stark differences between Bo and male leads I love. Even in mangas, though I may not recall correctly as I have not been in touch with source material in about 8 to 10 years, while there is rivalry between male and female leads, it is usually instigated by the female. She fervently wants to beat the naturally talented male and through hard work, she also manages to, now and then.
Through hard work and his and their friend support. The thing is, the male lead may be stand-offish, cold, snappy and sometimes even drop a mean comment that hurts the female lead, but when it comes down to important things, he’ll support and believe in her. He will help out her crazy schemes and make them work, risking his position and sometimes health. Deep down, he admires her and loves her long before she realizes her feelings for him. He has his reasons for silence (like wanting to let her come to conclusions herself instead of rushing her feelings) and sometimes he sticks to them for too long, nearly losing her in the process, but ultimately, he will fall and rise for her, even in just a friend position.
My first TV show that I obsessed with was The Mentalist. It also gave me my first TV show OTP - Patrick Jane and Teresa Lisbon, called Jisbon. Granted, that was good 4 years ago now, and looking back, I can’t say I’d fall for Jisbon as fervently as I did, if I had been entirely grown up and exposed to some things as I am now. The show has its problems, the couple has its problems. But, most of the time, they are actually treated like problems. Not something that should be a part of healthy relationship.
Jane matches Bo in many ways - he’s traumatized, brilliant, emotionally closed off and seems to think himself to be better and smarter than anyone else, his partner and eventual love interest included. Lisbon and her team has to put up with his shit time and time again, risking her career. And after he is done with revenging his wife and young daughter, he disappears from their lives, leaving them to pick up shambles. Lisbon in particular, as it is no secret to anyone, him included, that she’s in love with him, and her work life suffers, too, - from CBI special agent and team leader, she becomes a small town cop.
What’s worse, after he is sought out by FBI, he comes back and practically demands she’s picked up to work with him, without any consent from her. One of the differences start here, though. Lisbon calls him out on his shit. She tells him he was and is awful (not for first time, too) and she is not his belonging to discard and take back in when he pleases. Yes, she accepts the job, but it’s because she’s obviously bored out of her mind in the small town, despite her insisting otherwise. (Old feelings aside.)
Where I am going with this, you ask? What I am trying to say is that Jane and Bo could be twins in some ways. But in others, they’re exact opposites. Jane may seem like he finds everyone else inferior, but in truth he knows he is not a really good man, he deeply hates himself for being indirect cause of his family’s death, and not only he believes doesn’t deserve happiness, he also thinks he cannot make Lisbon happy.
So, when the time comes back, he actually takes a step back and lets her pursue another relationship. It comes at worst timing because he’s actually trying to make himself a better person worthy of her, and to confess to her.
He also never actually thinks Lisbon is dumb. He recognizes her wit and intelligence on multiple occasions, admires her. That it’s no match for his nearly psychic abilities to read people is hardly no surprise - barely anyone is.
And when in desperation he falls back to his old manipulative ways, setting up perfect, fake case for her to solve as romantic getaway as last attempt to win her back, it blows up in his face. Big time. She sees right through it soon enough, calls him out on his bullshit and leaves, furious.
Yes, he steals a car, gets on a plane about to take off and confesses he loves her, tells her she was absolutely right in everything bad she told him and she doesn’t have to respond to his feelings, that she just deserves this moment of his vulnerability. Yes, she breaks off her hastily made engagement and gets together with Jane. Yes, it’s not unproblematic. And it’s not treated as such, essentially everyone is eyerolling about this and Lisbon’s ex-fiancee is obviously hurt and both Lisbon and Jane feel bad. Yes, they go through their ups and downs, Jane does his hermit-crab retreat and Lisbon reacts accordingly. But. THEY WORK THROUGH IT. They communicate.
My point is (yes we finally got to that):
Bo could have been genius asshole trope, but he jumped over the line and straight into absolute asshole territory. (This is based on my experience in 12 episodes and knowledge of the trashy novel it’s based on.)
He doesn’t actually respect Jenny as a person, doesn’t actually take her feelings in consideration. He draws on every stereotype of the handsome, traumatized, lonely genius who needs a woman to save him emotionally. And that feels like the only reason she falls for him. He’s a douche who patronizes her, disrespects her boundaries and never apologizes for it. Instead, she grows to love him for that, ‘because that’s just how he is’.
His confession is framed around how he is perfect for her and he proclaims she’s his girlfriend before she’s agreed, though she does meekly protest that. (I mean, overall the confession isn’t the worst I’ve seen, but still doesn’t sit entirely right with me.) Sometimes, Bo feels like worst demisexual rep ever, because no woman has stuck around in his close proximity before and he does grow to care for her, so, in some convoluted sense, he just realizes he’s a man and now he must have her. It is a lot more apparent in the novel, about the growth of their ‘feelings’. (And the author pulls a Virgin but Sex God ‘cause he read books card which, I feel, plays in author’s fantasy of how amazingly talented he is.)
What also bothers me is the lack of time they have? They become a couple with a month, three at tops. Previous couples, be it manga of the Mentalist, have years together. Latter literally has 6 to 8 years of working together, maybe total of 10 of knowing each other. Yes, they fall in love earlier. But not within a month. They grow to respect each other, and support each other. To know each other. We could argue that with how bitchy Bo’s been, Jenny already knows all his flaws and with his superior intelligence, of course, he knows her entirely, but at the same time, is it worth jack if that’s how he uses his knowledge?
TL;DR: Bo took every good card and overplayed it. He may be redeemed in rest of the crama, I will have to watch and see, but that’s my feeling about it right now.
It’s not a bad drama, it’s not the worst out there, it has lot of drawing points and Bo’s actor really does an amazing job. Perhaps all this is just me trying to find reason why I was so hyped for this couple/drama and then I started to not care for it, kinda dislike it. And if you like it, I don’t judge you, it has its appeal. And it stands out from cdramas for sure!
Rainy out.
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aleatoryalarmalligator · 7 years
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Life Story, Part 38
On the last day of school, I decided not to go. Nobody could make me go on the last day of school. I stayed home instead. But I started feeling this deep sense of loss around noon, and I decided to climb to the top of the hill to look down at the high school as it was getting out. I found a place to sit, where I could watch all the seventh graders that I used to be running out of the school, scattering here and there to walk or ride the bus home. I watched the stoner kids descend underneath the bridge. And I watched Jason walk alone. He had such a distinct walk, and such a distinct orange hoodie that I could recognize him a mile away. I felt a strange sadness sitting on the hill looking down. It was the end of an era for me. It had been a very difficult year, but it would be remembered forever. I had never been changed so much. And I knew the things I had had before, I would never have again. I recognized this now. I could now look back at my life and see all the loss I had endured, and I wasn't quite fifteen yet. There was something deeply sad about watching Jason trudge on alone, unaware of my spying eyes.
In the summer of 2004, I became the silly sort of person who carries around a book of poems I wrote, and I told everyone that I was now a poet. Fortunately, I didn't let people read the poems, for had I done so I would have been making an even more tremendous fool of myself than I had been previously. I now wore this gray green jacket, which I now referred to as my 'poet's jacket'. I felt wistful and free when I wore it. For the first time in my life, I had built up serious walls (the trademark for most adults). In order to survive after the damage had been done, I had to sort of reinvent myself somehow. After I had found out about Ava and Zack, my appetite had increased dramatically as well. It was a good way to numb the anxiety and hopelessness, and chase away the pain of it all. Love is somewhat of a drug, and once the love had gone south, I was left with this constant feeling of incredible lack. If I even began to mentally face that lack, I felt this incredibly painful feeling in my chest, and it would be hard to breath or know why I should continue to breath at all. I don't believe the holes that lost and unrequited love leaves ever disappear. You have to fill them with something. I filled those voids in myself with food and music in great abundance, though it was never quite enough.
Ava was now coming to my house all the time. I resented it. I would tell her she wasn't allowed, and even get my father to concede to it, but she would have her mom drive her home anyway and then 'conveniently' have no ride back. But I didn't have the guts to tell her to go away. And it was all about her now. She didn't even pretend to think I mattered at all. One day, she called me and asked if she could come over. My father said no, and I relayed the message back to her. I fell back to sleep and woke up forty five minutes later with her laying on me. It felt intrusive somehow. I got in trouble for her being there. And no matter what I did or said, it didn't seem matter because she gave so little regard to anyone's feelings that weren't her own, she didn't even notice what other people felt at all anymore. She was a mindless machine of chaos that I couldn't stop. I partially hated her. I would fantasize about seeing her fall off bicycles falling face first into concrete, or getting rejected by boys. But then apart of me couldn't not like her. She had been my best friend. It was hard to see her face and hate it.
This created cognitive dissonance and I just couldn't figure out how to act. I didn't want to lose the friendship, even though it was dead. And I had lost my identity and had very little dignity, so I gave up. It was actually easier for me to just go limp and bend to her wishes. I didn't feel good enough about myself anymore to tell her to fuck off. In the course of the eight hours every weekend, I did my time trying to entertain her every single day, and she would drink the entire gallon of milk in the fridge. My father would come home, and he was always baffled that all of the milk was gone, and I would always lie and say I had done it even though I have never really liked milk all that much.
Ava had hooked up with and lost her virginity to Tyeson eventually. She had eventually just called him, arranged a visit, and the deed was done. She hung out with him for a few weeks, but then he picked up, got into his van and left for another town, and the story was now concluded. So now, all she could do was talk about sex. Nothing else interested her. She would write pages and pages of poetry about penises and sex and give them to me to read. I didn't really mind reading them, other than there now seemed to be nothing more to her than moodiness, impulsive greed, fucking and gallons and gallons of curdled milk. She felt she was now a goddess and I was her disciple. Strangely, I just didn't care. I didn't care if I lost my virginity or not. I was so far off the main road in life, that I kind of wondered if I ever would. She liked to tell me that nobody would ever love me. That if I ever met someone, they would never want to have anything to do with me once they knew me, and she could never see me getting a job or making anything of myself. I felt so small inside, that I just believed it. Nobody would ever love me and I was capable of nothing.
. Then, her sister, her mother and herself all went down to Cabo in Mexico. Ava started smoking weed with her sister down there, and from this point on sex and weed were her entire life. Liking it was never enough. She had to broadcast that she was a pothead for all the world to see. It was the new her. She became some cartoon stereotype of a hippie – like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. She would watch Dazed and Confused over and over again. Talk in the manner of one of the stoners in Dazed and Confused. I didn't mind so much as I thought it was incredibly baseless, and kind of exposed how shallow she was. I did however feel a little jealous of her at times. Not because she lost her virginity, not because she smoked weed, or that she looked like Gwen Stefani, but she seemed to have a future. Ava wasn't going to go to Kendrick High School anymore. She was done with this place, and was ready to experience the Moscow High School instead. From there, she had college paid for. As soon as she was able to get her license, her parents had bought her a new car, and she had a never ending gas card. The things in life that Ava wanted, she could achieve. Ava was a tourist. She had come into my difficult struggling life, a life where I had very little to look forward to, where everyday I felt like the hope and optimism I tried to have was beaten down into nothing. She had taken what she could get, and she was just leaving me like an empty husk. And she could go on and do new things, be a new person. Her homelife wasn't perfect, but her parents had money. I was a nothing born from two dysfunctional factory workers.
Ava felt so comfortable stepping on me now, that she opened up my CD case and started taking my CD's out and rubbing them and destroying them on the wood floor. There was no good reason to do this, other than she felt like it, like a small child. I was disappointed, but I just let it go ultimately, or more aptly, I internalized the grudge. She then stole Pepsi's collar – the last thing of Pepsi's I owned to remember her by, other than the occasional dog hairs I might find in the corners of my room. She only wanted it because it meant something to me personally. It was a way of showing her dominance.
She began to take my arm and randomly bite me, not as hard as she could, but hard enough to leave dark bruises all over my arms. I almost had more gray, purple and yellow skin than pale peach. It wasn't a sexual thing, at least I don't think it was. I let her do this, and often put my arm out to assist her. This behavior on both of our parts summed up our friendship quite well. As I let her do this, I would study her, and myself. I studied the power dynamic. And I related to something about my own personal nature in doing this. Part of the reason I let Ava bite me, or hang around, part of the reason I had been so attracted to difficult things like Zack to begin with was that I was beginning to realize was that I was the type of person who enjoyed pain.
Pain was familiar to me, it had been an old friend of mine really. And when I was in pain, so many parts and pieces of myself seemed to become exposed in a way they never would when I was happy. Happiness was boring. The fact that Ava biting me was degrading only added to that pain in a sense. The pain created a certain light inside my mind, and it gave me a strange intriguing divergent sense of exhilaration that life seemed to flow out of, contradictory as that may sound. There is this place in the cross hairs between pleasure and pain, and it's an interesting place to live. I had spent so much time in that place, I was beginning to see it as a strange ideal. I never thought I wanted it, but once I left, there was a voice that always told me to go back.
The reason that Ava bit me was that she had decided she was a vampire. To back this story up. Teal had a boyfriend that lived over in Washington D.C. Ava had taken a fancy to Teal's boyfriend, Lee, and Lee was really into this cult of people who lived down in New Orleans who strongly believed they were psychic vampires, people with a supernatural ability to suck the life energies out of common people around them. Ava immediately identified as a psychic vampire, and thought of herself as one. For some reason biting was considered delightful to some of these vampires and Ava needed to bite someone. So to her, I was like a human that was allowing her to take my energy away. I was the piddly human who was so much weaker, but had the elixir she needed to radiate energy and attract people to her.
Ava eventually stole Teal's boyfriend. She started talking to him online, and calling him. She went over to visit. When I heard about this, I didn't feel very bad. Teal had been all about Ava wrecking my personal life. I didn't approve of Ava, but there was nothing I could do about this. Ava was on a roll, This was her life now. And when this happened, Teal turned on Ava, Sarah and myself. She said that we had corrupted her and made her into a bad kid. Which was pathetic. She sited smoking as something we had forced her into – when neither Sarah nor myself ever smoked. She sited listening to Led Zeppelin as something evil, which was hilarious. She sent Sarah strange mean spirited emails for years after. I have no idea why she roped Sarah into it. Perhaps she had a problem with Sarah anyway, and had decided to make Sarah partially responsible? Or perhaps Ava had lied and said something about Sarah. It was never easy for me to tell, but I had disdain for Teal and was happy to see her gone.
Ava and I went swimming down at the old swimming hole that summer, just us two. Sarah didn't want to be around Ava anymore, and was spending an increasing amount of time on the CKY forums talking to the people of that small reality chamber. I might have been hoping that the vitality of the previous year might return to me once I went to that spot again. It didn't really work that way. As Ava and I swam, we saw someone going through the brush to the swimming hole as well. It was Double D. I explained Double D several parts ago. He was the strange kid we went to school with who wore the cape, thought he was a Dragonball Z character, who had an undying obsession with Britney Spears. He was very strange looking. He had black pupils, never blinked and a mouth that went straight across his face from one end to the other. Ava and I looked at one another, but we decided not to be rude and to just continue swimming. Had we tried to leave it would have looked really shabby.
Double D got into the swimming hole. He talked to us a little bit. I don't remember about what. He then started saying that he could murder the both of us there away from town, and nobody would ever notice. We kind of laughed him off. He seemed half serious, and it was bothering me, but I didn't want to react at all, or give him any kind of indication that I was bothered, hoping he would realize it wasn't winning the crowd over. He then started talking about how he was going to drown us. And with that, he started into the water coming towards us. Ava and I screamed and tried to swim away. He had this mindless look on his face. He kept saying 'I'm gonna drown ya.' and looking intently into our faces. It wasn't clear to me if he was joking or not, but either way if he wasn't going to attempt to drown me, than he most certainly intended to dunk me.
Ava climbed the other side of the creek, and climbed up some rocks. He didn't follow us up there. He said he was just going to wait for us to get back down, and that he had all day. He swam down there waiting for us like an alligator. After twenty minutes or so, he started to get bored. He said he had somewhere he needed to be. I was skeptical, but from above we had the vantage to see him leave and walk away. I waited until he was far out of site, before I climbed down, got our things and went home.
I didn't realize it, but Ava had brought weed. She was hungry too and she wanted to go to the store. So we walked downtown to the market. While she was down there, she met up with a group of other stoner girls, and I ended up following behind as they all went down behind the store to the creek bed area and smoked weed. They offered me a drag, but I didn't really want to smoke, so I refused. Then the girls went home and I was left with Ava stoned out of her mind. We walked to the store, because she said she was hungry and thirsty. But then she was starting to cry and insist that her feet were ten feet long. I have no idea if she was making this up to be melodramatic or not, but I was very skeptical, since a few puffs of weed cannot make you hallucinate, generally speaking.
She was crying and acting like a complete idiot. I was trying to calm her down. She then started trying to smoke more weed. And I looked over and there was a cop parked across the street. She had just pulled out her pipe right in the most heavily populated areas in the town, there was a cop, and I didn't want to get in trouble. She was mindlessly telling me that nobody could see her. I got a little mad then. I really didn't want to get into trouble for this. Then my father's suspicions of my drug use would have been founded on something other than his own crazy imagination. I decided that the best thing I could do was walk away. She followed me. When we got to my house, she was even more hungry, and thirsty. Allison and David were home, and they couldn't stand Ava. She would always demand that they put her shoes and socks on for her. She often asked them to make her food. She started demanding they give her food and drink. She drank our entire gallon of milk and a good portion of our soup and toast. She eventually called her mom and got a ride home. I was so glad to finally see her go for the day.
It was pathetic I knew, but I had no courage to contact Zack myself, and I was missing him terribly. I was in this very hazy state that I had troubles admitting to myself, where I simultaneously wished that I could get over him for once and all – puffing up my ego and trying to remain indifferent, and at the same time, I wished to be around him always, and to live a delicate life fully entrenched in my own feelings. For the most part, I truly had chosen to let go. I knew he had a girlfriend, I knew my 'friends' had messed the whole thing up for me completely. I knew I didn't want to be his friend or counselor. But had this deep seated faith that there was a reason that Zack and I found one another, and that reason, if things were meant to last, would bring us together again, whether we understood fully what that meant or not. So I gave up trying to control the situation or anyone in it. I felt very strongly that I had to keep my feelings to myself. Half the reason they had become so emotionally invested is because I was emotionally invested. Nobody in our group had ever been so passionate about anything as I. And it made others want what I wanted. I had to throw them off my trail by being coy about my feelings. Even Sarah could never know.
I was missing him a lot though, so I suggested to Ava that she call him and see if he wanted to hang out one of the days. It was awfully pathetic, to still be relying on her, of all people. I felt like asking him personally would have been too forward. There was no natural way for us to proceed anymore, and Ava had basically lost her teeth in the situation. Honestly, it was as down as it could be. There was no going down any deeper, and nothing left to lose for me. My dignity was a deflated balloon.
Ava called, he agreed, and came over to my house one evening. I was secretly elated. Ava was still up to the same old routine, pushing her way between us. He was immediately interested in my father's old Gibson guitar. Promising to be careful with it, he began playing it and he wanted to record a tape, seeing as Allison had recently received a karaoke machine/radio/tape recording machine. He went into this impromptu song, which was half a joke. It only had one verse. He played my father's guitar and would sing jokingly 'I'm A BIG MAN!' and then as back up singers Ava and I would sing 'He's a big man! Right after. The grand finale came with a disorderly Nirvana inspired screaming session from Zack. It was a ridiculous song. But we recorded it, and I had glowing pride for it. I wanted to keep it and cherish it, save it in a box where I kept about twenty letters Zack had written me and a picture of him I stole off the school wall. But Ava stole it. She promised she would bring it back the next day, but every time we asked for it she said she lost it or would bring it tomorrow. Sarah and I both knew she had it, and was just hiding it from us. I was nettled with frustration, but there was no convincing her to be honest. And thus the tape was lost forever.
Everyday I just felt sicker and sicker. I think I reached this point where I wasn't even fascinated with being bit anymore. I was tired of petting Ava's head as she demanded me to and telling her that she was beautiful and perfect. I complained about Ava a lot to Sarah, and Sarah finally told me that she didn't want to be friends with Ava anymore. Sarah started to intentionally ignore all of Ava's phone calls. When Ava banged on Sarah's door, Sarah would not answer. Ava began leaving insane messages on Sarah's answering machine, filling the space of the answering machine over the course of a few evenings with screaming rants, apologies, sad sobbing. All of it had to be ignored for good and all.
Looking at the way Sarah had decided to cut Ava off, I did some soul searching, and I knew that I hated Ava. Not in a way that I was mad, but my hurt had turned into disgust. I hid that feeling from myself most of the time, but when Sarah acted out on it, it helped me draw the line of where I stood personally. Despite being a glutton for pain, uneven power dynamics, and a sense of guilt and want for things to be made right again, I knew it was time to end it with Ava. Our friendship was dead. I hadn't wanted to admit this to myself, but it was over now. She had killed it, and I was attempting to embalm it and pretend it was still standing and full of life. Ava, be she a psychic vampire or no, was draining me to nothing. Yes, she was funny, and fun and surprising. She added character to my life. But she was a beast, and she cared nothing for me at all.
So I started ignoring Ava too. I hid from her in my house. And I followed suit with Sarah and stopped answering the phone. The phone would ring for three hours straight. She would leave messages of all kind, self pity, anger, crying, denial, back and forth it would go. Eventually she stopped calling. I sent her a message over the internet, explaining things in a way that she might better appreciate. I pointed out all the potential for new friends she had up in her new school. I explained to her that I didn't want to do drugs, and she did. I intentionally played up the dialogue in such a way to make myself sound lame and her future seem exciting, like she was going to find all she ever dreamed of, and I wanted her to be happy. Even in my deleting her from my life, I thought it was funny that I put consideration in her feelings. I didn't want to hurt Ava, and maybe I did want her to find something good in life. This way, she would be able to feel good about our parting ways, rather than rejected. I turned the table and pointed the arrow at her rejecting me instead. It was an act of compassion, because I knew that even though Ava did it to herself, she had a crippling feeling of rejection, having burned everyone she ever knew sooner or later. She felt deep down like she was poison. And a violent end of a friendship, relationship whathaveyou is not a classy or fitting way to end something.
She wrote me back, and we ended it on good terms. I agreed to still hang out with her once a month or so. I thought perhaps in the future we might still make plans to go to a concert together if it was a band we both enjoyed. She admitted to me that I was probably the best friend she had ever had up to that point, and maybe the best friend she ever would have, because she knew she would destroy everyone who came close to her, and in many ways she was a deeply lonely person since she felt like every relationship she had with anyone would be temporary and she would have to always move on to find new people. I was relieved to hear that in her own way, she was coming to terms with what she had done to me. It was more honestly that I would normally have received from her. And maybe she was relieved, having a sense of knowing that she was getting what she had coming to her.
From then on, I gave all my friendship to Sarah. Having lost any sense of trust for family, I placed my need for family, my need for someone to not betray or fail me, all on Sarah's lap. I began going up to her house more often. It was funny. We had started high school off together, and we had gone through a good number of other people. All of them had gotten distracted, or fell away in some form or another, but there was still us two. Weeding out everyone I knew, Sarah was the person who understood me the best. And I think Sarah really did take this very seriously. It was a strange dynamic. In many regards, I looked to Sarah as someone who had more social skills, who wasn't as floored by other people, who could have a calm sense of practicality that my mind could never accomplish.
I wanted to be in a band with her. I was excited to be in a band together. And Sarah looked up to me, as she saw me as someone who had to deal with real pain. Sarah, as I have mentioned before, suffered from a very apathetic sort of depression, but she never had anything very bad happen to her. As a teenager, she was now aware that pain had some merit that added something to your life. But there was nothing outwardly in her life that attacked her and this left a void. She felt a misery without having a cause. Her life was seemingly stable. Her mother wished she would do more chores or get better grades, but she never lost control with her, and was fairly reasonable in her expectations. I on the other hand had real problems. I could not casually pretend I did not. And Sarah admired that. It gave me a credibility. I had something to say, I had ideas. I was absolutely unable to get those ideas across, unable to reach others, I had – and still have zero charm. Sarah seemed lost in the realm of ideas, but had an abundance of natural charm. By my estimation, I felt we would make a good team.
PART 37 - http://tinyurl.com/y8trssqd
PART 36 - http://tinyurl.com/y9ygq9q8
PART 35 - http://tinyurl.com/ya5xhe2f
PART 34 - http://tinyurl.com/yc6y4p69
PART 33 - http://tinyurl.com/y87449dz
PART 32 - http://tinyurl.com/ycetanep
PART 31 - http://tinyurl.com/yae3o4rd
PART 30 - http://tinyurl.com/ybht9aul
PART 29 - http://tinyurl.com/ybfcr9j2
PART 28 - http://tinyurl.com/yagdlo47
PART 27 - http://tinyurl.com/ydcj5fgf
PART 26 - http://tinyurl.com/y73nvl73
PART 25 -  http://tinyurl.com/y6v6pgoj
PART 24 - http://tinyurl.com/ycak5d8r
PART 23 - http://tinyurl.com/yac6sk3g
PART 22 -  http://tinyurl.com/yat6cfnw
PART 21 -  http://tinyurl.com/y783egno
PART 20 - http://tinyurl.com/y8jskymt
PART 19 - http://tinyurl.com/rfhbms8
PART 18 - http://tinyurl.com/ycrznrwk
PART 17 - http://tinyurl.com/y77unlng
PART 16 - http://tinyurl.com/yadpsv8c
PART 15 - http://tinyurl.com/yb3lt6k5
PART 14 - http://tinyurl.com/yb4cfedq
PART 13 - http://tinyurl.com/yalanq9s
PART 12 - http://tinyurl.com/yc79mw94
PART 11 - http://tinyurl.com/yc9qhj84
PART 10 - http://tinyurl.com/yb734w24
PART 9 - http://tinyurl.com/yc2t6vfw  
PART 8 - http://tinyurl.com/ybl37utq
PART 7 - http://tinyurl.com/ybvo283g
PART 6 - http://tinyurl.com/kbc9dwu
PART 5 - http://tinyurl.com/msnz4am
PART 4 - http://tinyurl.com/k9x8esg
PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx
PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2
PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8
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themyskira · 7 years
Text
Some disordered (spoilery) thoughts on the movie
Some things that I liked
Kid Diana racing through the streets, lighting up with excitement as she watches the warriors train. The not-at-all-innocent “hello, Mother” when Hippolyta catches her out (literally).
An active, bustling Amazon society. Amazons going about their days. Amazons sparring together, Amazons taking pleasure in one another’s company.
Diana’s compassion. Her instant willingness to risk her own life in the face of others’ suffering. 
“I am willing to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. Like you once did.” “You know that if you choose to leave us, you can never return.” “Who will I be if I stay?”
Hippolyta’s love and grief and pride. The parting gift of Antiope’s headband -- the iconic tiara.
Diana’s palpable delight in the little things -- The sight of a baby. Snow. Dancing. Celebrating townsfolk. The taste of ice cream.
(The ice cream moment, by the way -- so, so, so much better than the comic book scene it’s derived from, which was actually awful.)
Her refusal to walk past injustices or to sacrifice individuals for the greater good. Steve, the military intelligence man, forces himself to ignore the suffering civilians and focus on the mission, which will ultimately prevent greater suffering. Diana can’t accept that, won’t accept that. No other relief is coming for these people. She steps out into No Man’s Land.
Facing Ares at the last with that simple, powerful conviction: for all the darkness in human hearts, there is also the capacity for great love, and she’ll fight for that every day if she has to.
The use of the BvS quote in the trailer is thoroughly misleading: this isn’t the story of why Diana walked away from mankind. It’s the story of why she continues to fight for humanity, believing in people’s ability to rise above their darker impulses.
Some things that I did not like
DIANA IS A RASH, NAIVE IDIOT.
And yes, this is a young Diana, an untested Diana on her first journey into Man’s World. I realise that. I expect her to screw up, to misjudge things and have her preconceptions challenge. I expect there to be a learning curve.
Even allowing for that, the Diana in this movie is a complete dickhead.
She’s an adult who still believes in fairy tales. She thinks that humans are completely good and pure, and only the corruption of outside forces causes them to do bad things.
Over the course of the movie, she is continually confronted with situations that challenge this view. She meets good people who have done bad things -- people who don’t always have the luxury of standing up for principles, and people who’ve made terrible choices for right reasons. She witnesses and learns of corruption, discrimination and dispossession. Again and again and again.
And she learns nothing from any of this.
Because when she thinks she’s killed Ares (and oh, I’ll get to that bit of stupid), she is shocked -- shocked -- that people don’t immediately lay down their weapons.
And when Steve floats the possibility that maybe, maybe war is just a little more complicated that “the devil made them do it”, she can't fucking deal with it and decides “FUCK Y’ALL, YOU DON’T DESERVE MY HELP. NEVER MIND THE INNOCENT BYSTANDERS I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT BEFORE, THEY CAN ALL FUCKING BURN. IF HUMANS AREN’T PERFECT CREATURES OF VIRTUE THEN THEY DON’T DESERVE TO LIVE.”
but no I don’t think I’ve adequately explained what an absolute boneheaded twit this woman is.
Her naivety goes beyond the usual fish-out-of-water hijinks. She has no awareness of the people around her. She cannot make intuitive leaps. She doesn’t take on board what she’s told. She has no interest in planning or considering the consequences of her actions, which means that Steve’s constantly trailing one step behind her lecturing her about how she can’t do whatever it is she's about to do.
“OH NO I DON’T NEED A PLAN I’LL JUST RUN INTO THE PARTY AND MURDER A DUDE AND THEN THE WAR WILL MAGICALLY END I SEE NO REASON TO TALK ABOUT THIS FURTHER THERE IS NOTHING THAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG IN THIS EQUATION”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE NEED TO THINK THIS THROUGH. WHY WOULD WE SECURE THE POISON MURDERGAS AND PREVENT IT FROM BEING DEPLOYED AGAINST ANYBODY WHEN WE COULD KILL A GUY ON A HUNCH I HAD INSTEAD. GOD STEVEN IT’S LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO STOP ME FROM ENDING THE WAR”
She comes to the conclusion that General Ludendusseldorfendorf is Ares in disguise based solely on the fact that he is he one spearheading the German murdergas project, and obviously humans are not capable of doing evil things on their own, and it’s not like there are hundreds of other people involved in the production of these weapons or at least there are but she doesn’t know any of their names so she can probably pre-emptively rule them out and just go murder Ludenhoodendooden.
Sure, it helps that Ludenhorfledorf is an absurd cartoon villain of the sort who is prone to cackling maniacally and shooting his own men at random. Who, when Diana finally comes face-to-face with him, spends most of the conversation talking about the massive hard-on he has for war and slaughter and Ares specifically. But you kinda want to be sure before you jump to the dramatic speechifying and righteous murdering.
Gary Oldman Ares is awful. Everything about the gods is awful. Ares murdering all the gods. Zeus as a loving, self-sacrificing, pseudo-Christian god. Zeus replacing the role of the goddesses in the Amazons’ story. Ares describing himself as the god of truth URGH. The utter bullshit of Ares’ “boooooo humans are assholes, I want them all to die so much so that the world can be decent again” urgh fuck off mate you are such a disappointing villain.
And could anybody else figure out the logic in his ranting? because fuck knows it’s still eluding me. “oooooohhh I have so much faith in humans’ ability to fuck themselves and everybody else over that I’m actually helping to negotiate Armistice! I’m literally doing everything I can to stop the war because I know that in the end it will have no effect and humans will bomb each other into oblivion! and I won’t have had anything to do with their destruction! Sure, I very deliberately put the tools for mass slaughter in the hands of the select few people in this war who had both the desire and the power to use them, thus giving them the ability to overpower the majority who had turned their efforts to peace, and to escalate the conflict against the wishes of their leaders! But really it’s humanity as a whole that is the asshole here!”
Dr Poison is more plot device than character. She has no backstory, no arc and no personality. She’s a generic evil minion whose only pleasure in life comes from devising new ways to murder people with chemicals. She is wasted.
If Etta Candy were a rose by any other name, I might have liked her. I like Lucy Davis as an actress, and though I found the character a bit... overly quirky-loveable-British-comic-relief-girl... it was nice for Diana to have a potential female friend in what was (outside of Themyscira) a very male-dominated cast, and it would have been nice for them to interact more.
My sticking point with the character is that she was supposed to be Etta Candy. Who will always be, in my head, a fierce, fabulous, fearless, ass-kicking Texan lady. Quirky British “we use our principles, although I am not averse to engaging in fisticuffs should the occasion arise” haha jolly good... ain’t gonna cut it for me. Though I acknowledge that this is getting into nitpicking.
Steve annoyed the shit out of me. He is both the brains and the heart of the movie. He is the one who ultimately teaches Diana to love humanity, to fight for them, to be a hero. Diana wants to help end the war, but Steve’s words are what spur her to defy her mother’s forbiddance. She throws herself into the fight against Ares, but Steve’s sacrifice and the love and dedication behind it are what empower her to defeat him. She wants to help from the start, but it’s Steve who teaches her not to fight for people because they “deserve” it, but because it’s the right thing to do. It’s Steve who teaches Diana true compassion.
Throughout the film, Steve is the one trailing after Diana trying in vain to make her see reason. He’s the one making the plans to actually stop Ludendude from committing chemical genocide while Diana is crashing from scene to scene all “OKAY I WILL GO END THE WAR NOW. WHICH WAY IS THE WAR AGAIN?”
Steve is smarter, more understanding, more competent and more compassionate than Diana.
Also, after Diana sees Steve naked he spends the next two or three scenes anxiously assuring her that his dick is, in fact, larger than average.
(Diana knows about sex because she’s read all the books, urgh)
The sword is a misdirect: the weapon Zeus left the Amazons to counter Ares is Diana herself. Kind of cool as a general concept, except that this effectively replaces Diana’s “brought into being by a mother’s love” origin with one in which she is a weapon bequeathed by the Supreme Patriarch. Also, the foreshadowing of this was the exact opposite of subtle, taking some of the power out of the eventual revelation.
This origin also means that Diana is the only child on Themyscira, which adds to this whole... woman-child thing about her that I really don’t like. Because the movie requires her to go from “why are those people holding hands? because they’re together? well, you and I are together, why shouldn’t we hold hands? what do you mean it’s not the same? of course I know about sex I have read lots of books about human biology” to fucking (and, the implication is, losing her virginity to) Steve and... euuugh.
also 140 minutes is a fucking slog, man.
idk there is probably more to say but I feel like I’ve stopped being coherent.
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cptdubois · 7 years
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THE BASICS
Full Name: Herbert Dubois
Birth day and place: 9th, September 1604 in CompiĂšgne
Parents: ArsĂšne and Alais from the minor nobility of House Dubois
Siblings: Two brilliant and vigorous sisters Helaine(b.1608) and Heloise(b.1612) along with a certain magical forest baby Philippe
Current living place: In the Red Guard’s Garrison located right in the heart of Paris beside the Saint Chapelle, with other members of the Regiment
Occupation: Captain of the Cardinal’s Red Guards
Physical Description: Herbert stands at around 6â€Č0 with an athletic and reasonably muscular build. His has refined Caucasian complexion with clear blue eyes and dark brown hair hair. When not in uniform, he dresses in clean clothing with an elegance that appropriately reflects his aristocratic background, though he generally likes to appear slightly on the more modest end of the spectrum and prefers less gaudy colours. Aside from his crimson cloak that is.
Social Class: Minor nobility, aristocratic
Allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses: Nothing notable, though he is more sensitive to dust mites and have had minor allergic reactions to seafood.
Right- or left-handed: He is left dominated, but performs many trivial tasks with his right. He trains with both hands however and can aim reasonably well with his non dominant hand.
Voice: Deep, calm and often with a low tremble. Due to occupational habit he can sound quite cold and commanding at times, but he often speaks quite softly when conducting private conversations.
Words and/or phrases used frequently: I suppose, reasonably, may I, non, pardon, I see, certainly, it would be my honour, I’m fine.
Pocket contents: Usually some spare changes, frequently a handkerchief or some written notes.
Quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics: He can be quite stilted. 
GROWING UP
How would you describe your childhood in general? His childhood, while not nearly as difficult as for the standard of his time, is not exactly all that carefree and wonderful either. Due to the troubling financial situation at home, and Herbert being the responsible and caring human he is, he started taking up household duties to relieve his mother and look after his siblings at as young as six years old.
What is your earliest memory?  There used to be a time before any of his siblings were born, and it was just mostly him and his mother with the occasional uncle Armaud. He learned to talk quite early on, and would follow the servants around a lot and ask a lot of innocent and completely out of context questions. They would try to convince Herbert to go play outside or with his toys, but he likes to help carrying things around instead. He also spent a lot of time scavenging the Dubois mansion, discovering artefacts and old books. Until his siblings were born he spent most of his time indoors, and when not asking Alais if she could teach him how to read, he would try to seek out his father or bother Armaud. 
How much schooling have you had? Due to toddler Bert’s persistent pursuit for knowledge and the ability to read, he was given the opportunity to receive tutoring quite early on. He was a rather intelligent child, and his education was rather flexible covering wide range of subjects such as literature, history, foreign languages, philosophy and some of natural science and mathematics. He was also exposed to some medical and engineering knowledge though he only ever got acquainted with the board strokes of the subjects and more hands on matters.
Did you enjoy school? He did, very much so and was quite a proactive student until life got into the way.
Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? He reads, and self instruct mostly. Though the years he spent in the military have worn him down quite a bit and left him with little time and energy to focus on anything else. These days, his readings are mostly just of military tactics and for other skills he would consult his trusted right hand woman Ameline or other advisors.
While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. Aside from his mother and other historical, public figures he would look up to, the only person he has really interacted with as a role model figure was Armaud. The passionate, resourceful and intelligent young Rossignol greatly fascinated the young Herbert as he would often try to impress the man, until he reached complicated adolescent, that is.
While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? Herbert had a very close tie with every one of his family members , including those who just hung around the mansion with the unfortunate exception of his father, who was mostly absent. He still loved him though, however distantly, until he found out about his misdeeds. He became very disappointed and disgusted afterwards and vowed to be everything not like him, even more so.
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? When he was very young he thought about being a writer, and at some point he also wanted to be an adventurer but of course, that would largely require him to forsake his duty to his nation and family so it never really developed into an actual dream. Though since he has learned how to read, he has always held certain interest in epics, legends and war stories. Being a soldier, the gallant and honourable aspect of it have always attracted him to a certain degree, albeit he never really imagined himself fighting a battle until his determination to redeem the name for his family hardened his resolve. Alais, however, always saw him as a brave and noble little soldier fighting wars not meant for him.
As a child, what were your favorite activities? He loved reading, and after his siblings were born he also started to enjoy crafting, art,  chess, role playing and out door sports, along with exploration.
As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? He has always been diligent, if not a bit over compensating and too serious for his age. He was also a genuinely honest child. Caring, curious, obedient and incredibly sweet, with an obsession with justice, doing the right thing and doing right by the people he loves and what he believes in.
As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? He didn’t engage in too much social life as a child, and is almost never seen without at least one of his siblings. While he got along quite well with most children his age and saw a few as his friend, he would often find himself judging them for not being mature or sympathetic enough.
When and with whom was your first kiss? He was twenty years old and was set up by his peers to actually talk to a local tavern serving girl whom he once accidentally admitted to find pretty. He ended up finding himself liking her rather a lot, her expressions, soft voice and whimsical imagination and ended up confessing to her in a very poetic manner. They kissed.
Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? This was all the way into 1630, he met an actress who made him feel kind of alive again. In a fit of indulgence he decided to go off with her though nothing ended up happening, he simply fell asleep in her arms. They hung out a few more times since, and eventually, at some point, she decided to help him.
Describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. He takes his duty very, very seriously but not necessarily at the cost of his mens’ lives. He also got used to concealing his emotions, accepting that he has to pay heavy prices for the greater good, and what he wants to believe that he still believes in.
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joannalannister · 7 years
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Tor.com did a feature about costume design in SF/F and the symbolism of white clothing:
In a blood-soaked world where survival is dependent upon grit and determination, the woman in white is spotless. She is radiant. She is pure.
The woman in white is often used as a main character’s motivation. She is his comfort in times of trouble, the source of his courage, and the object of his protection. [...] She is pristine—an assigned value which means many things. She has never killed before. She is a virgin. She is wealthy, or at least well-kept. She is civilized. When a male protagonist sees the woman in white, he sees everything that, to a western colonialist narrative, is worth protecting: virtue, patience, stability, and purity. The woman in white reminds the hero of what he is fighting for. He is fighting for that white cloak—for its ability to remain unblemished, no matter what.
For her part, the woman in white must remain pure and radiant in order to continue motivating that hero. He will do whatever it takes to protect her and the things she stands for; thus, it is her solemn duty to remain unblemished. If she doesn’t (or so the logic goes)—if she lets him see a stain on her white gown—then the hero will stop fighting, and all will be lost.
Sometimes, the woman in white is used to reinforce an existing narrative. She is presented to a hero, and he is inspired, and he fights for her
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My mind really does jump immediately to Lannisters when I read things and I was reminded of Cersei in her white gown in ASOS:
But when he stepped into his bedchamber, he found his sister waiting for him.
She stood beside the open window, looking over the curtain walls and out to sea. The bay wind swirled around her, flattening her gown against her body in a way that quickened Jaime's pulse. It was white, that gown, like the hangings on the wall and the draperies on his bed. Swirls of tiny emeralds brightened the ends of her wide sleeves and spiraled down her bodice. Larger emeralds were set in the golden spiderweb that bound her golden hair. The gown was cut low, to bare her shoulders and the tops of her breasts. She is so beautiful. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms.
Oh boy, do I love going off about Lannister clothing...
Cersei selected this white gown to make a bold statement in White Sword Tower: Give up your white cloak, in exchange for me in my white gown. Save me.*
It’s almost as if Cersei is conscious of, and trying to capitalize on, all of the white gowns that have ever existed in the fantasy genre**, to emphasize her purity, her wealth, her virtue -- her value -- for Jaime. (Lannisters are so very performative, but they perform for themselves the most.)  Cersei knows what Jaime wants (“innocence,” as Jaime states in ADWD) and she’s trying to play into Jaime’s fantasy.
The white dress immediately affects Jaime’s thinking:
She is so beautiful. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms.
Traditionally the woman in white has never killed before, and Jaime immediately feels regret that he wasn’t the one to kill Robert. Instead, Cersei ~stained~ herself with Robert’s death, which still does not sit easy with Jaime:
Robert’s death still left a bitter taste in Jaime’s mouth. It should have been me who killed him, not Cersei. “I only wished he’d died at my hands.”
It is the knight’s job to protect the woman in white and to do all her killing for her, something Jaime failed to do. 
Nevermind that the white dress was never Cersei; Melara Hetherspoon could testify to that. Jaime’s constructed his own fairytale surrounding his relationship with Cersei, and GRRM spends the series deconstructing this fantasy: “I thought that I was the Warrior and Cersei was the Maid, but all the time she was the Stranger, hiding her true face from my gaze.” 
But wait, that white dress insists. You have a second chance to save me!
His sister fought back tears. “Jaime, you’re my shining knight. You cannot abandon me when I need you most! He is stealing my son, sending me away... and unless you stop him, Father is going to force me to wed again!”
Jaime wants to save his sister, the tearful damsel in distress. He wants to wed her, as she does him, “but it can never be, Jaime.” Their relationship must remain secret, a thing of the shadows, when all Jaime wants is to bring it into the light:
“I’m not ashamed of loving you, only of the things I’ve done to hide it.”
So when Cersei comes to Jaime in her white dress in White Sword Tower and wants to have sex with him...
Jaime felt himself responding. “No,” he said, “not here.” They had never done it in White Sword Tower, much less in the Lord Commander’s chambers. “Cersei, this is not the place.” 
“You took me in the sept. This is no different.” She drew out his cock and bent her head over it. 
Jaime pushed her away with the stump of his right hand. “No. Not here, I said.” He forced himself to stand.
Oh, but it is different, Cersei. It is to Jaime. 
Altar sex was something brazen, dangerous, dangerously public. (“The septons...” “The Others can take the septons.” “murmuring about the risk, the danger, about their father, about the septons, about the wrath of gods. He never heard her.”) Altar sex was like a lover returning from the war, like kissed greetings at railway stations turned up to 11, and then turned up to 111. Altar sex suited Jaime’s need to love his sister openly, without shame. (Oh gosh, don’t get me started on House Lannister and shame. To say that altar sex was shameless would only be the beginning of a very long discussion...)
But here in White Sword Tower... “A white book sat on a white table in a white room. The room was round, its walls of whitewashed stone hung with white woolen tapestries.” It’s an embodiment of the ideal of True Knighthood. It’s sacred for Jaime, in a way that the sept could never be. There is a residue of idealism that clings to Jaime in this Tower, mocking Cersei’s need for secrecy and insisting that Tyrion would never lie to him. 
To have sex in White Sword Tower would be imposing secrecy and shadow upon all that bright, spotless white. That’s why Jaime rejects Cersei in this moment in ASOS, imo. He still wants Cersei, else why grieve over his “lover” a few paragraphs later? “I’ve lost a hand, a father, a son, a sister, and a lover, and soon enough I will lose a brother. And yet they keep telling me House Lannister won this war.” 
But the problem is, Jaime cannot have both Cersei and White Sword Tower. 
“It was white, that gown, like the hangings on the wall and the draperies on his bed.”
There’s a deliberate juxtaposition here on GRRM’s part, the white gown vs the white tower, a foreshadowing of how Jaime is smack dab in the middle of his page in the White Book, torn between Lannister crimson and Kingsguard white, between glory and honor. 
(GRRM evokes Jaime’s internal conflict ALL THE TIME. Red or white, red or white, red or white? See Roose asking, “red or white?" [...] "White is for Starks. I'll drink red like a good Lannister.") 
Jaime spends AFFC/ADWD straddling the line between loyalty to the corrupt Lannister regime and loyalty to the ideals of True Knighthood, but the problem is these loyalties are incompatible. “We all must choose.” 
And ultimately I think GRRM does a magnificent job positioning Jaime as an anti-villain longing to play the hero.*** Brienne has reminded Jaime that True Knights are more than a mirage, but Jaime keeps doing horrible things and failing to live up to this very real standard of True Knighthood. Sure, he’s a slightly more ethical than a straight-up villain like Tywin, but Jaime still works to achieve Tywin’s desired objectives, even after Tywin’s death. 
And soon we’ll have the valonqar... These violent delights have violent ends. Jaime starts off wanting to protect Cersei and keep Cersei’s white gown spotless, but over the course of the series, he learns that Cersei’s gown is as soiled as his white cloak, and eventually he’ll murder her for it, a far darker Lancelot to Cersei’s dark!Guinevere. I find it all so exciting :)))))
Anyways, gosh, I love Cersei’s white dress. 
**In all of the works I’ve read by GRRM, he’s very conscious of all the science fiction/fantasy/horror stories that have preceded him, and it’s like he’s entering into a great dialogue with the genre itself through his own writing. His stories become a large commentary on what worked, what didn’t, and what can be done better, and he offers up praise to all of his favorites, like Beauty and the Beast and Robert Jordan and Stephen King and so many others. 
***I think this is, like, the most unpopular and wankiest thing to say in Lannister fandom, but I believe the prominent Lannister characters represent a spectrum of villainy. I’m not gonna say it outright, but I believe that age and level of villainy have a strong positive correlation. If you know what I mean. 
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queenxmargaery · 7 years
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P.S.A.
Kara’s super long plot ideas list (taken from my old blog)
Verses I have that I realize I haven’t gotten to use much of, even though I’ve had this blog for over three years.
Take any of these ideas, CLAIM THEM AS YOURS, and I will stab you in the eye.
v: Une Rose Dans de le Nord (A Rose in the North)
I know that a bunch of other Margy’s have this verse but it’s a verse I had since I started this blog, Margaery’s brought to the North by her father to be a ward for House Stark, & is betrothed to Robb Stark. The idea is that since the Tyrell’s fought for the losing side each child after Willas was sent to a different place. Garlan to the Vale, Loras to The Storm Lands, & Margaery to the North.
v: The Reluctance of The Wolf. (forced marriage au)
Forced into marriage with one another. Margaery tries to make the best of her fate. Lady Catelyn is a joy and kind to her. Wonderful in every way. While Robb
 Robb is cold to her. Margaery becomes scared that she is trapped in another loveless marriage and struggles to understand her cold & grim husband.
v: Westlander (a pun on outlander and a verse in the same vein.)
Margaery Tyrell went away on a trip to the northern area of modern day Westeros. The brunette was having a nice time until she awoke after a walk to find herself not where she had fallen asleep. The land she awoke in was covered with snow.
v: Cursed
When his daughter was born, Mace Tyrell had a big party. Unknown to him, one of the gifts his daughter was given was cursed by a witch across the sea. The child would wed, but each husband would die until one came that could break the curse.
When Mace found out about the curse it was already too late, Margaery had grown into a beautiful woman and he couldn’t stop himself from setting up her marriages.
Each one ends in tragedy.
Margaery returned to Highgarden and vowed to never marry again. After all
 Who would want to marry a woman who was cursed?
v; don’t let yourself be hunted
When Margaery was a child she always knew there was something different about her, and her family. She always just thought it was odd that her father could influence those around him with a word, her grandmother’s plants never died, and her brothers
 Well, Willas’ super memory and intelligence were next to none, and his ability to seemingly communicate with Animals, Garlan and his super strength, Loras and his agility, she wondered what her powers would be.
At nine the voices started. She could hear them even in her sleep, it was all so very loud and overwhelming, she just wanted it to stop, but it didn’t. It just got worse and louder, it wasn’t until later that she learned these voices were not in her head, they were in the heads of others. She also learned that she could feel other’s emotions as well and project her own on them. Margaery harnesses the powers of empathy and telepathy, her grandmother does her best to help her control it.
Her family is heavily involved in the Hellfire club, and Margaery didn’t have much of a choice, but to do the same. She has always admired the X-Men though and is considering switching sides.
v: Manners Maketh Woman.
Margaery was recruited to MI6 when she was 21 years old in the middle of her third year of college. She hadn’t even planned on being an agent, but now she can’t exactly get out of it. She discovers The Kingsman and works with them more times than she thought she would. She enjoys it, though she doesn’t always trust them especially since they are a rather secret organization.
These are all listed in my verses section.
As well as these plot ideas. & THIS VERY LONG LIST BELOW!
up to date as of January 20th, 2017.
This is more of a bare bones outline. Just the titles of the AU’s I’d like. If anyone wants to plot them with me, just send me a message. I’ll add it to the verses list. (Please note: some of these might have specific people in mind already.)
Bold Italic = gimme it now Bold = are things I really want! Italic = it’s not urgent but I’d like it. Normal’s just normal things. Strike = nevermind, I don’t want that anymore.
Pride and Prejudice AU (DO I EVEN NEED TO LIST THE REASONS!)
Modern day political au
Beauty and The Beast au (MY ANIMATED FC IS BELLE SO CAN HAS?)
WWII au·(in the verses section)
Western AU
1920’s au
1950â€Čs Film Star AU (v: wildest dreams)
Versailles verse
Reign verse
Theif!verse
Spy!verse
Reincarnation au
DARKER THINGS! ( I really want some dark ships
can has? )
Serial Killer AU Cop!Marg.
Post-apocalyptic AU: Not zombies but darker things.
Marvel au things (I have an x men verse & an MCU verse come to me!)
More family times. (With Mace, Alerie, Olenna, Willas, Garlan, & Loras!)
· · · · · · ·Specific Ship AU’s · · · · · · · · · · ·
Adult!Tommen x Margaery things (cause of reasons)
More Tommen x Margaery things in general
This!Robbaery au
An Alliance is Made AU
Reincarnation AU
A Real Dragon: AU where Margy marries Aegon
 He turns out to be the real deal, and to seal an alliance with the Targaryen’s (Dany and Aegon now) Margaery marries him.
Wolf King: AU where Robb conquers King’s Landing, saves Sansa, and asks Margaery to come back to court as a companion to Sansa. (Margaery, of course, agrees with this because Sansa is her dearest friend.) During this time RobbxMargy maybe begin to spend time together. Maybe eventually leading to ship? idk just a thought rolling around.
A True Queen: Margaery marries Robert, their marriage ends up being very Anne Boleyn/Jane Seymour x Henry VIII-esque. Without the beheading/death by lack of care after childbirth.
Verse+ship specific:
Modern au things!
College INSERT SHIP HERE: They start off as friends and slowly move to become something more!
Une Rose Dans le Nord.
{subverses!}
Reine Rose dans le Nord (Rose Queen in the North): Robb’s wife and queen.
Margaery writing letters to Robb when they’re separated. (battles going on and she has to stay somewhere safe.)
Catelyn informs Margaery at Renly’s camp, that her son needs advice and asks if she will write to him. They fall in love through the letters they write.
More! Queen of the Seven Kingdoms stuff. (anything or ship will do!!!)
Margy’s relationships with her brothers. (Willas taught her how to read and how to map the stars, they have to be close. Garlan is protective. She’s so dependent on LORAS!. I HAVE A NEED!)
Runaway!Queen: King’s Landing is attacked and sacked by an army and forces. Margaery runs so she is not taken hostage by the invaders. Finding solace in the Godswood which the intruders do not touch.
Highgarden Raid: Highgarden is raided and burned by (the iron born or Dragons) In this Margaery loses a good portion of her family. Since this is a canon divergence ·the war of the five kings could still be going on.
Virgin Queen: Margaery marries Tommen, but he dies shortly after the union. With no heirs to the throne. (Myrcella is dead.) Margaery takes the throne for her own ruling as Queen after the small council decides that it’s the only way to keep the Tyrell’s in the fold. (Cersei dies shortly after Tommen)
More ouat verse things.
Random Lover/Outlander AU:
· · · · · · · (ïŸ‰â—•ăƒźâ—•)*: ✧
English Rose!Margaery fighting with Highlander Norther!Lover
English Rose!Margaery not understanding the customs. Feeling out of place.
Highlander Norther!Lover has to explain things to her.
English Rose!Margaery sympathizing with their plight. Understanding that the English are the oppressors to them!
English Rose!Margaery & Highlander Norther!Lover being cute and eventually falling for one another. (After long struggles and Jacobite Rebellion things)
More Musketeer’s verse things!
Specifically things with Rochefort and Louis! BECAUSE I HAVE A NEED FOR MARGY TO ANNOY HER COUSIN IN THE VERSE!
Sense8 Verse things.
Hunger Games things.
Westworld verse: Westeros, is the other theme park in development. Margaery is a host. She has the Lady and the Knight trope storyline written and programmed within her. Parkgoers can choose to be her savior from the sept, her lover, her protector, or for a very high price, a secret king/queen.
NOTE!: A simple way to plot with me is to just look at my verses! Also! If you like any of these ideas but would rather tweak them to do them with my Sansa (louvereine), my Henriette (madamehenriette) or my Jeyne (honourofwesterling), let me know! <3
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Allow Me To Erase Your Fears - by Solifiedjaporeanist21 (Admin SCYO)
Rating: Explicit
Member: Chanyeol (Exo)
Pairing: Chanyeol x Reader (You)
Words: 6,170
Warnings: Smut, Romance, Loss of virginity, Slight fluff.
Summary: You huff out a shuttering sigh. How were you just going to say right out in the open that you’ve never done this type of activity before? That you haven’t been deflowered yet?
Th-That you were a virgin?
(A/N): This idea has been eating at me for quite some time now, so I decided hell why not? Honestly I’ve never written anything like this before (virginity loss and all) so let me know if there is anything I missed or didn’t include.
I’m aware that its
different than most I’ve read but that was only because I wanted to change things up a bit. I was aiming for something unpredictable, I guess you can say. Hopefully it’s not too horrible. ®^`


It was bound to occur eventually, you think fearfully as you await for the despair of your fears to come true. It’s not like you hadn’t guessed it wasn’t going to sometime, you just always believed it would when you gathered enough information in making it less stressful. Yet here you were today, attempting to escape a reality that cannot be outran. Don’t take it wrong you loved your boyfriend very much, he was your entire world, your one and only, that much was genuine but the fact that you willing agreed to his sudden affairs was not. You guys have been dating for over a year and a half now, you knew it would sprout eventually, but why so soon? You wouldn’t deny it, you were utterly frightened the moment he brought up the bazaar topic, and as much as you needed to tell him what you thought about it, you couldn’t bring yourself too. Frankly you were too scared. Deep down in your heart, you really honestly wanted to carry out his purposal, to be one with him in the way he so dreams, but the terror overpowered the feeling. It was pathetic, cowardice in a way, so much that you had actually let your worry cloud your judgement and for that it made it strictly impossible to convey that you weren’t entirely “one” with his choices.
You huff out a shuttering sigh, how were you just going to say right out in the open that you’ve never done this type of activity before? That you haven’t been deflowered yet?
Th-that you were a virgin?
You hated to admit it but he’d undoubtedly want to back out. You’ve been together far longer than any other cheap shot boyfriend you had before, therefore you knew him well. Too well actually. Indefinitely he would be too horrified of hurting you and in which would also result in him hating himself for suggesting something so selfishly cruel. You just couldn’t win, your brain may wish for such a catastrope of not losing your virginity to happen, but your heart did not.
You sigh defeated, looking down at the carpet beneath your toes, the soft texture gentle against the skin. You think over whether or not you should carry out with his desires? But what happens if he ends up disliking me for not telling him? Will he be disappointed with having waited so long? Would he-
Suddenly there’s a heavy knock heard from the front door that tossed you out of your troubled thoughts. You immediately knew all too well who it was.
Reluctantly standing you make haste towards it, knowing if you don’t he’d grow concerned. Upon unlocking the door you pull it open. The face of your handsome boyfriend greets you with his signature smile, a ‘hey baby’ in tow. You delivered the greeting with one of your own, pulling him in and locking the door before he has any sudden thoughts of changing his mind. You turn, your boyfriend opening his mouth to say something but you don’t give him the chance as you lean up on your toes and plant a kiss upon his lips. You hadn’t thought twice about it of course, but then again you by now were far past asking permission when it came to kissing each other.
The man quickly gasps at your straightforwardness before complying with you, an arm snaking around your tiny waist to draw you closer while the other rests underneath your chin to bring it up more.
“Chanyeol,” You whisper when he begins to drag his mouth in unknown territory. Upon the calling of his name he tenses and stops abruptly, the worried thought that he made you uncomfortable beginning to torment him. “-I-I need to tell you something before we continue. It’s quite urgent.” Chanyeol pulls back immediately, concern in his dark brown eyes.
“I’m so sorry (Y/N), I didn’t
 I-I got a little carried away.” Chanyeol quickly apologizes, distangling himself from you in a mere heartbeat. Your own twists with regret. It was becoming harder and harder by the minute to tell him.
Chanyeol may be holding back to the best of his ability now, but after this certain stunt you’ve discovered just how extreme it truly was for him not to jump you. He wasn’t even trying to hide it anymore. You feel slightly flattered and guilty.
You throw him a reassuring smile upon the questioning look, cupping his cheek in your hand. Your thumb runs across his strong features, his skin soft. “Its alright, Chan. It’s not that.” He lets out a sigh of relief, his cheerful self returning almost immediately. You laugh softly at his bipolar moment before quietly guiding him into your bedroom.
You sit on your bed, tapping the spot next to you for your boyfriend to take. Once the both of you were comfortable you open your mouth to acknowledge what’s bothing you, to finally share your fears but the words wouldn’t come out no matter how hard you tried. Chanyeol furrows his brows at your struggle, a gentle hand reaching over to cover the ones in your lap. “Baby, what’s this about? Is something the matter? Did I go too far? You can just tell me if you don’t want to-!”
“-No! I mean n-no, that’s not it I promise. It’s just
 Well you see
” Your words stammer before your very ears and the reminder of the pain of what’s coming haunts your conscience once more. You look down at the carpet for the third time within a 30 minute radius, biting your lip in frustration. It was getting really irritating of being afraid of something that’s supposed to be magical, of the bliss your boyfriend would without doubt bring you. It wasn’t worth it.
You rent out a exasperated breath. “I can’t conceal it anymore, you see Chanyeol the truth is I’m a virgin. I-I’ve been intending to tell you sooner, to get it off my chest, but I didn’t know how or what to say when you suggested we take our relationship to the next level.” You look up at him with love and honesty in your eyes, bringing his hands to your lips. “I’m scared of losing it is all, this is so new for me and I’ve heard the first time was anything but gratifying. Don’t think its because of you, because its not. It’s me. I-I just didn’t know how you’d react is all. If you’d be upset with me for not telling you sooner.”
There of course was more to the story than your letting on but you really didn’t possess the guts to speak those particular one’s aloud. Besides it wasn’t like you were the only one. Everyone’s thinking it nowadays, c'mon they don’t even try to hide it. Regretfully you’ve read enough fan fiction to grow curious of what’s truly beneath the layer of clothing yourself, of what he’s so desperately hiding. Never believe what you read on the internet is what they always say but you knew enough that not everything on it was a lie. You wasn’t stupid, nor were you blind. Deep husky voice, freakishly tall built, big hands, a mean stroke
 There’s only so much the imagination can conjure.
Honestly you were too small to have something of such a unknowing size to fit within you, to be torn from the inside out without your consent. You shiver at the realization, your lips trembling against Chanyeol’s fingers. You can’t seriously be getting second thoughts already?
Chanyeol smiles brightly at you, his lips desending against yours whence the hands were moved to your sides.
Your eyes widen, this wasn’t hardly what you were expecting, though you accept it nonetheless. Quickly you fall into the kiss, eagerly exploring his lips with yours. It was once you’re apart and breathless that he cups your face in his gentle hands. They’re callused against your skin from his guitar playing, but anything but harsh. You furrow your brows. “I’ll make it pleasurable for you (Y/N), not everything you hear is entirely honest, believe me everyone has different experiences in this type of stuff. I truthfully wouldn’t ever forgive myself if I didn’t bring my baby pleasure. Just the thought of you suffering pains me. I desire to make you feel good in all this, to reflect the bad thoughts of your first your brain conceives and replace them with something far better.”
You want to articulate something, something to thank him for understanding, for not ditching you, for being well
him, but like before the words are lost within you. You sigh with gratitude, a smile growing upon your lips at how perfect he can be without even trying, before you lean in to kiss him. The confidence to continue now was more powerful than you ever imagined possible. You really wanted this, you really wanted to be with him completely, to make your bond stronger than ever.
Chanyeol lays you back on the bed, towering above you, the kiss that was once angelic and sweet, morphing into something more intense and dirty the longer it lasted. You shiver at the unexperienced feelings that were coursing through your veins, at the passion that’s being welcomed to you.
A moan escapes your lips now, strong fingers tightly latching onto his shirt, legs squeezed shut between his own unsure what they should be doing. Chanyeol trails down your jaw with soft lips, down your neck, kissing each part of flesh that marks the area in search of all your sensitive spots. He wants to memorize them by heart.
“Allow me to erase your fears, baby.” He mumbles into your neck, his voice thick with desire. His hand gently runs across your side in hopes in aiding you to relax, to have you looking forward to his actions rather than dreading them. It appears to be working if your consistent gaps and moans was any indication.
“Your moans, (Y/N), I’ve never imagined I’d actually hear them. I reckoned you’d never give me the opportunity.” You whimper at his confession, further exposing your neck so he had better access in tasting it.
“Chanyeol
 I can’t
 Please, I need you to touch me. To do something.” You had stepped so low to begging now thanks to the unforgivable urge to feel those lips, that tongue, those hands, his everything on your heated flesh. Fuck call is selfish, greedy, call it whatever you’d like, it honestly didn’t matter to you. The sensations he was portraying were just too perfect to not beg upon. Having gotten permission your boyfriend nods, snaking the hand that stayed dormant at your side up your loose t-shirt, where he greedily takes the pleasure in squeezing your breast through your bra. You arch into his actions, a moan of velvet erupting from your lips. Chanyeol groans at the beautiful noise, his kisses rough and wet across the delicacy of your neck.
The pleasures felt too surreal, seemingly like a dream, particularly one you never wanted to wake from.
Chanyeol minutes later slides that hand down your thigh, eager to get his body between them. He doesn’t force you, however, rather simply waits until you were ready, gingerly running soothing circles into the taunt muscles with his thumb. He peppers marks upon your neck, your collarbone, your shoulders, working in silent to get you to enjoy every flare of passion he’s delivering, to feel every ounce of his love for you.
You mewled at the discovery your legs willingly opening for him. “It’s okay (Y/N), take your time, I won’t hurry you. You’re welcome to set your own pace.” He breathes out, his hands going in to explore the new territory that lies between your soft thighs. He doesn’t once touch you in that place of course, but that didn’t stop your lewd thoughts from wanting him too.
With legs spread wide enough Chanyeol places himself in between them, yours now on either side of his own. Your arms encircle his neck when he meets your mouth, savoring and familiarizing himself within the warm moist cavern. Both groan wanton into each other. Your crotch tingles in flurries of excitement, following with a faint gush of something wet making its way out of your body. 
It was a accident that Chanyeol ruts up against your clothed sex, having been too lost in the rapture he moans aloud. You duplicate his pleasure with one of your own. He soon realizes what he’s done however, and in his horror he backs away. You gasp displeased at the loss, at the incredible touch of his arousal against yours, at how hard he has already become. If it was this good with it just touching you than It must be heaven with it inside you. You couldn’t even envision it.  A whine creeps from you at the displeasure of not having him against you no longer and in your resolve you forcefully buck your hips up into his groin for further exploration. You wanted to drown in the rapture. Over and over and over again. Chanyeol not on the same page, though, is quick to hold them down, preventing your actions instantly. He pants. “(Y/N) I won’t be able to control myself if you keep doing that, please I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have to.” He explains sternly in your ear, his pants and deep voice sending tremors down your spine. You nodded, your breathing heavy and spoty. Perhaps maybe later then?
Chanyeol pulls himself back, a sincere smile on his face before he’s kissing you again, his hand switching their positions in holding himself up before he runs it beneath your shirt one time more. He glides the hand across your belly, your ribs, feeling every bit of your soft skin underneath his rough fingertips, memorizing what spots are more ticklish and tender and which are not, intent on finding all your spots so it’ll make the finale so much more desirable. He wishes to make you remember your first time as the best night of your life, rather than the worst.
“Can I see you?” your boyfriend asks, his voice ghosting across your damp-with-sweat skin. You flush at the question, turning your head to the side before you bashfully nod. Soon enough after you were relaxed he lifts the shirt over your head, placing the clothing somewhere beside him on the floor. Your bra follows. Once unsnapped he puts it with the shirt. With them gone you blush beat red, your arms quickly hugging your front in hopes to cover your exposure. It’s not like anyone could blame you, this was really the first time you’ve ever willingly showed your body to anyone. It’s quite embarrassing. What if you were ugly? Your breast surely weren’t desireble. What if he gets grossed out? If that were to happen you’d likely die.
Chanyeol slides his hands up your arms gently, silently encouraging you not to be diffident. “It’s okay baby, take your time.” You nodded letting out a shuttering breath. You mentally urge yourself to steady your nerves before your allowing him to guide the limbs away from your chest. With nothing in his way now Chanyeol takes in your nudeness, his breath hitching in his lungs at your breathtaking beauty. (No pun intended.)
Content with your obedience, he motions you back down on the bed with little resistance. You tilt your head up at him, worry written all across your face. “Don’t look at me like that, (Y/N), you should know already what I’m going to say. And that’s your beautiful.” He gives you a loving grin, lightly pecking your bewildered face before sitting up on his knees.
Having captured your attention he reaches behind himself and pulls his own shirt over his head until it was off and with the others. Your eyes greedily swallow up the view of his own nakedness, taking in what hasn’t been shown to anyone. Not even his adoring overzealous fans had seen. Chanyeol reaches for your small hand and places it against his beating heart. “See I’m just as nervous about what you’re planning to say just as you were. My heart literally won’t slow for nothing.” Chanyeol shyly looks down at the discarded clothes before meeting your gaze.
The man is quick to move forward, his heart warming as your other hand joins the first. Unwittingly they explore every plain, every muscle, every fiber of his being that he’s so eagerly willing to offer you.
What’s honestly not to like, you ponder? True he may not be as graceful or buffed up as the rest of his band members— preferably Kai and Sehun, or even Lay or Xuimin— but that didn’t mean you didn’t enjoy what you were seeing. He was working out and even though he still doesn’t match up to those 4 doesn’t mean he’s any less sexy in your eyes. Simply put he was gorgeous the way he was, defined muscles and overlydone abs have no justice to make him any more perfect that he already was. And you make damn sure to tell him this too.
He is mum for the longest of times before his lips crash onto your swollen ones. You giggle at his brashness unable to stop the groan that escapes you the moment he silences the laughter with his tongue. The appendage greets yours in haste, tangling with one another in a dance of utter passion.
Within your fuzzy mind you could faintly feel Chanyeol’s hands begin to trample all over your body again, littering your skin in pricks of pleasure to add on to what he was already inflicting. He squeezes your breast in his large hands, nearly swallowing them whole, but you didn’t dare feel insecure about it, at least not when you didn’t care. The feeling was mutual, Chanyeol also didn’t care. He loves you for who you are, for the fun, bubbly smiley self you was, not by your breast size. He’s made sure to drill that into your head countless times.
You arch into his presses, into the fingers that have began to pinch and tug at your hardened nipples, your kiss collapses from the mewls of bliss that shake your being upon the new emotions your witnessing.
“More. Chanyeol, I-I need more
 Please.” You pant, the heat between your legs growing unbearable to ignore now. Unable to ignore what he was doing to you. You lift your hips into him for emphasis, showing him exactly what you are so desperately craving. Of what part of your body it was that was chasing to have his attention on.
Chanyeol grunts loudly, not able to resist not meeting your actions with his own. So pulling you up slightly to his chest he holds you from the curve of your back. You both were a moaning groaning mess, willingly falling into the euphoria of overwhelmed pleasure the harder he dry humps you. He doesn’t stop this time much to your delight. With legs tightly wrapped around his waist, the balls of your feet were beyond forgiving as they dug into his ass. It only makes his dick press down upon your pussy with more force. And god was it so fucking worth it!
Chanyeol buries his head in your neck, suckling onto the sweet flesh until it’s red and bruised. You whine, your fingers combing into his newly dyed hair at the indescribable friction. Unfortunately he stops himself short, a heavy groan of distaste leaving him at his own cockblock. “I’m sorry, I-I’ll come if we continue that any farther.” The man explains breathless. You nodded in understanding.
Pulling away from you with a moan he carries on to removing the lasts of your clothing. You don’t dare stop him, specially not with how much you needed to carry on. It would seem the fear was beginning to fade the more your boyfriend brings you all these pleasures and for that you were grateful. Chanyeol was slow working in removing your your shorts. Having been unbuttoned seconds later, he hooks his fingers onto the fabric at your hips before he’s carefully sliding them off. He makes certain to keep his eyes on yours the whole time, worried if he hadn’t you’d grow weary and push him away. It was no time before your panties were thrown out as well.
You had gasped, immediately shielding your eyes with your hands, far too embarrassed to look at his face the moment they’re gone. He chuckles at your adorableness. With all your clothing offically off your body and somewhere out of the way, you lay vulnerable. Chanyeol completely absorbs the breathtaking sight. Your blush darkens the more he stares at your nakedness. And in your way of escaping you try to close your legs to block his wandering gaze, but the man once again moves between them preventing such.
“D-Don’t stare Chanyeol
 It’s embarrassing.” You stammer, looking away from his intense stare. He lets out a thick laugh, leaning back over your petite body with his towering height, his lips desending upon your earlobe. “How can I not? Your so gorgeous when explosed. My baby girl really needs to think more highly of herself.” You whimper feeling Chanyeol’s hands search and take in the fresh skin that’s been recently uncovered. The sneaky fingers tenderly slipping between your legs, rubbing the insides of your thighs until he’s at the desination that marks your womanhood.
He looks at you, a question of permission on the tip of his tongue. You bite your lip, the touch of his fingers grazing your aching core far too torturing to just say no. Your heartbeat jumps in a completely different way than before, perhaps because, like this it was so much more naughty than having felt his dick through one another’s clothing?
In the end you give your consent. “Please. I can’t stand not knowing what it’ll feel like not having you in every way possible, Chanyeol.” Your legs spread apart more in a way that tells him just how needy you was for his touch. How much you trusted him with your body, knowing that he’d never hurt you.
Chanyeol grins lovingly into your skin, kissing your cheek. Once he finally slides the fingers through the satiny folds of your cunt he couldn’t help but gasp at how incredibly wet you’ve become from just his simple touches. It was nothing he’s ever seen before. His cock agrees, throbbing in the tight restraints of his jeans and before you knew it he’s slipping the finger all the way inside you.
Your eyes widen at the new experience, a cry of absolute bliss falling from your throat. Its so much more different than your own, his were so much more thicker and longer. Chanyeol capturing the reaction he was looking for, gently goes in and out of you, lapping up your slick pre-cum in the process so it didn’t make the movements he was creating dry and uncomfortable.
“Chan-, ahhh!” You moan. Your breaths get ripped from your lungs when he picks up the pace, your wet walls clenching around him with the desire to feel him go deeper. Thrust in harder.
Chanyeol’s groans were increasing in volume, occasionally a moan leaving him at how beautifully tight your virgin body was. If he could he would’ve added a second finger to heighten and intensity the pleasure but you were too tiny for that. He was lucky the one fit. It wasn’t only that either, there was also the possibility that it’ll break your virgin barrier, which would result in more pain than just entering you fully. Decidedly he sticks with the one.
You grabbed a hold of him, your head tossed back against the pillows in the pure ecstasy that’s clouding your mind. You mewl out Chanyeol’s name for the first time, pleading that he never stop. Your boyfriend grows hornier at the sound of his name falling from your lips before he’s quickly ceasing his activities. You whined at the loss, but soon forget it as you watch in awe when the man hurriedly begins to remove the remainder of his clothes. “Chan-!” you began confused, “-I can’t. I can’t wait any longer (Y/N), if I don’t have you now I’m going to lose it.” Chanyeol interrupted, his fingers shaky in their desinated need to free himself.
You wouldn’t have it any other way, is what you wished to say but the words got caught in your throat the moment Chanyeol removed his boxsers. Your eyes widened slightly at his size. Its clear now, books simply have no justice. Its not like you didn’t see it coming, you did hear that tall guys have, well

Chanyeol hovers above you once his clothing was discarded and you blink up at him, wondering why he didn’t enter you already? Isn’t that what they do? Quick and forceful right, to make the pain hit you all at once instead of it flowing through you while they’re going in and out?
Regretfully you have read too many books.
You watch Chanyeol as he reaches down between your bodies and grabs a hold of his leaking cock, he slowly smearing the pre-cum around the length, you guessing to slick it up. When you presume that it’s been enough he gingerly rubs the tip against your entrance, your swollen clit, using the cockhead to collect all your escaped juices. A choked moan is loudly heard resonating the bare walls at the delicious feeling. You were unable to figure out what he was trying to acomplish by doing this given the outstanding pleasure but you knew you never wanted him to stop.
Chanyeol grunts and growls in your ear, his breath hot against your sweaty skin. He wants to fuck you so bad, that much was clear but the realization that there will be pain on your end forces him into second thoughts. As for right now he was trying to wet himself the best he can with his and your cum, eager to think it’ll make the intercourse less stressful.
Having figured out his ordeals you smiled warmly. With the thought in mind of wanting to pleasure you before hand so it’ll make the real thing much more favorable, swells your heart expedentuly. Still for him to suffer just for this simple action was cruel. “Its okay Channie, I want this
 I want you. I don’t dread it as much anymore, not when I know you’ll make me feel good till the end. So please stop holding back, you need to feel me around you just as much as I need to feel you inside me.”
Chanyeol understands your pleads and pulls himself up, moving your hips closer to his own by your thighs. He positioned himself at your entry, a worried gasp heard from your different sizes. You were little, he was big, just how did he expect to fit?
There’s a apology heard that cuts through the awful silence, their voice strained and apologetic, the fingers that lie at your hips strong and sturdy. You had thrown Chanyeol a confused look for the sudden strange of behavior, your mouth opening to ask what for but his hips stop that question instantly.
With just one powerful thrust forward he breaks past your hymen, completely stuffing you with his cock to the hilt. You cry out immediately, tears hurriedly blurring your vision as an intense unforgivable pain shoots throughout your being. Sobs are ripped from you, fingers tearing at the bedsheets underneath them in the strong need to get some type of release from the agony. Chanyeol’s apologies are continuous in your ear, worried you’d never forgive him if he stops. 
Your boyfriend  leans down and kisses your tears, prying your hand from the abused bedsheets, where in turn meets them with his own, interlocking your fingers together beside your head. The walls within clench and constrict around the forceful intrusion, eager to memorize the feeling of being filled of something other than your fingers.
You couldn’t begin to imagine how good it must feel for Chanyeol, with the way you’re swallowing him up, the tightness around his cock that not even his hand can come close to bringing. It must be taking all his will power not to move.
Chanyeol looks down at you, sheer concern for your well-being written clearly in his eyes. Lust lies there too but his worry overpowers the emotion. You give him a pained smile, tightening your fingers around his in emphasis. He had hissed in pleasure when he moves in to kiss you, a whine from you at the mixture of feelings of pain and pleasure. It’s by the next couple of seconds that the pain has decreased and in the need to continue you beg Chanyeol to move. To do something that would make the pleasure engulf you endlessly.
The man is reluctant at first but does as you ask in the end. You looked down when he pulls out to catch a glimps of red but before you could actually decipher why it was there Chanyeol was kissing you again, keeping you from furthering your suspicion. “I’m sorry, please don’t look baby.” He pleads against your kiss-swollen lips, his pace slow and steady. You nod, the bliss of his movements between your legs was more important to keep your mind on anyway.
It’s when the pain is gone and you were happily moaning his name in ecstasy that Chanyeol picks up the tempo of his hips, gradually speeding up in the desire to hear his name leave your lips again and again. You circle your arms around his back, your fingers docile at first but becoming harsh the more pleasure that washes over your senses. Like this you could feel every muscle react, flexing from all the work he’s putting in to to get you feeling good.
In response your legs spread wider apart, craving to feel every inch of him enter and leave your body in the swift thrusts. Your moans grow in quality, becoming more sexier, hotter as do Chanyeol’s but neither care if the other is being too loud or not specifically because the ecstacy that’s coaursing through each other’s veins was too exhilarating not to be loud upon.
In the end your boyfriend was right. This did feel good, like blissfully amazing good. Every push of his hips, every thrust that somehow always hits a different spot every time entered, the bounce your breast do whenever he quickens his pace, the pleasureable burning in your belly you get whenever your orgasm nears, the sound of skin slapping skin, the mingling of sweat from your bodies the more you move and mend together as one. It’s all so wonderful. You had already forgotten where Chanyeol starts and where you end.
What was the worry of being scared when all these emotions, these feelings, these sensations, experiences were in store. It was nothing you could ever conjure up. Masterbation simply has no comparison, it’s shameful compared to this. Sex with the one you love is so much more meaningful, it expresses one’s true love for another with just one heavy activity.
Your fingers claw down Chanyeol’s back when you lift your hips to meet his rapid thrusts, the slight rolling of your hips beyond describing and the man moans huskily, your name in tow.
He slows then he speeds up, creating a friction that’s beyond imaginative. It drives greater pleasure into you than the last. Sweat rolls down Chanyeol’s forehead from the intensity of his actions, the force that he brings forth to please you. The flavor of it against his neck on your tongue, sweet and salty. Chanyeol wasn’t very vocal but his breathing was loud and horase in your ears, his hips sloppily moving in time with your tight rolls.
“Chanyeol?” You had whimped when he suddenly stops. You were so close too. Said person doesn’t respond, instead he grunts and quickly pulls out of you.
You gasp. White. The scent of cum.
Chanyeol was cumming on your stomach. You shiver at the beautiful sight of him getting off, at the sound of your name rolling off his tongue like velvet. The look on his face however takes the cake. He trembles while he strokes himself through his intense orgasm, his cum shooting all the way onto your breast. It’s once he has none left to sprout that he lays atop of you, exhaustion seeping into his bones.
“I apologize, I couldn’t last any longer, not after how good it felt with you around me. So hot and tight and wet.” Chanyeol whispers into your sweaty skin once he slows down his erratic breathing. He soon pulls himself up on his elbows so he doesn’t crush you with his weight.
You smile tiredly, swear rolling down your neck. You stroke his damp hair, moving the loose strands that fell into his eyes over. “Its alright babe, you made me feel good that’s all that matters.”
“But it’s not, you didn’t get off, how is that alright?” He argues. Your mouth opens to tell him that you were fine with that but Chanyeol is stubborn. Moreover he is quick in his movements.
With him between your legs now, you gasp. It wasn’t hard to figure out what he was aiming to do and upon realizing, a dark blush rushes upon your cheeks. “One way or another you will reach your own orgasm. I’m not a selfish bastard that just leaves my girlfriend hanging.” Having gotten that out of the way Chanyeol grabs a hold of your knees, spreading them apart nice and wide before he leans in.
Dragging his his tongue against your sex you let out a strained cry, your legs trembling at the dirtiness. How is it so wrong
yet so right!? Letting go of one of your legs he circles your assaulted slit with a deft finger, collecting the mingled cum, before sliding it inside.
His tongue is quick to match the rhythm of his fingers, going both fast and deep. Chanyeol soon slides in another and you jerk violently, the unfairness that he’s only attacking your clit with his tongue making it seemingly impossible to hold back your climax.
You comb your fingers through his hair, pulling at it in either the desperate need to pull him closer or to drag him away, whichever one you didn’t know. Didn’t care. He moans at your reactions, at the acknowledgement of how desperate you were with wanting to come and for that he speeds up. You moans grew louder.
It seems that Chanyeol’s ignoring the ache in his jaw, focusing on only pleasuring you. Its sweet but still unfair. It had been when you begin to spasm that he knew you were nearing. So angling his thrusts he aims for your g-spot, building onto your rushing orgasm. He doesn’t once slow.
You couldn’t take it anymore.
You scream out Chanyeol’s name the moment you come, your mind going blank within a matter of seconds, the vision behind your eyelids whitening. It’s so overwhelming that your body shakes in the quakes of pleasure, the bliss beautiful as you reach satisfaction.
Chanyeol smiles pleased before pulling himself up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he lays himself beside you. You turn to face him when you regained your sanity, your body shaky from the aftershocks. He sees this and smiles scooting over closer to you. He wraps a protective arm around your waist, resting his chin atop your head.
“Thank you, Chanyeol.” You murmur, snuggling closer into his warm embrace.
“For what?” He inquires.
“For everything. You showed me how wonderful losing my viginity was. Your erased my fears, gave me a whole new experience I didn’t imagine possible. I don’t think I could have done it with anyone other than you. For that I’m thankful.” You admit, closing your eyes. The exhaustion was really weighing you down.
Chanyeol smiles brightly at your confession. “I love you (Y/N), of course I’m going to give you everything you least expect from your first time. That’s the type of boyfriend I am. I don’t believe in just one of us getting off while the other doesn’t. You’re my princess.”
You feel tears well up in your closed eyes. “I love you too, Chanyeol. I’m really happy I agreed to this.”
“So am I, (Y/N).” Having said this Chanyeol reaches over and pulls the covers over your bodies, wiping his cum off your breast and stomach the best he could with the duvet before moving in closer to your sleepy form. He chuckles at how cute you were while sleeping before he takes a deep breath. “I’m definitely the luckiest man alive to have you in my life, there’s no doubt about that.”
You smile at that, drifting off. 
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empathetixss · 4 years
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P.S.A.
Kara’s super long plot ideas list
Verses I have that I realize I haven’t gotten to use much of, even though I’ve had this blog for over two years.
Take any of these ideas, CLAIM THEM AS YOURS, and I will stab you in the eye.
v: Une Rose Dans de le Nord (A Rose in the North)
I know that a bunch of other Margy’s have this verse but it’s a verse I had since I started this blog, Margaery’s brought to the North by her father to be a ward for House Stark, & is betrothed to Robb Stark. The idea is that since the Tyrell’s fought for the losing side each child after Willas is sent to a different place. Garlan to the Vale, Loras to The Storm Lands, & Margaery to the North.
v: The Reluctance of The Wolf. (forced marriage au)
Forced into marriage with one another. Margaery tries to make the best of her fate. Lady Catelyn is a joy and kind to her. Wonderful in every way. While Robb
 Robb is cold to her. Margaery becomes scared that she is trapped in another loveless marriage and struggles to understand her cold & grim husband.
v: Westlander (a pun on outlander and a verse in the same vein.)
Margaery Tyrell went away on a trip to the northern area of modern-day Westeros. The blonde was having a nice time until she awoke after a walk to find herself not where she had fallen asleep. The land she awoke in was covered with snow.
v: Cursed
When his daughter was born, Mace Tyrell had a big party. Unknown to him, one of the gifts his daughter was given was cursed by a witch across the sea. The child would wed, but each husband would die, until one came that could break the curse.
When Mace found out about the curse it was already too late, Margaery had grown into a beautiful woman and he couldn’t stop himself from setting up her marriages.
Each one ends in tragedy.
Margaery returned to Highgarden and vowed to never marry again. After all
 Who would want to marry a woman who was cursed?
v; don’t let yourself be hunted
When Margaery was a child she always knew there was something different about her, and her family. She always just thought it was odd that her father could influence those around him with a word, her grandmother’s plants never died, and her brothers
 Well, Willas’ super memory and intelligence happened to be next to none, and his ability to seemingly communicate with Animals, Garlan and his super strength, Loras and his agility, she wondered what her powers would be.
At nine the voices started. She could hear them even in her sleep, it was all so very loud and overwhelming, she just wanted it to stop, but it didn’t. It just got worse and louder, it wasn’t until later that she learned these voices were not in her head, they were in the heads of others. She also learned that she could feel other’s emotions as well and project her own on them. Margaery harnesses the powers of empathy and telepathy, her grandmother does her best to help her control it.
Her family is heavily involved in the Hellfire club, and Margaery didn’t have much of a choice, but to do the same. She has always admired the X-Men though and is considering switching sides.
v: Manners Maketh Woman.
Margaery was recruited to MI6 when she was 21 years old in the middle of her third year of college. She hadn’t even planned on being an agent, but now she can’t exactly get out of it. She discovers The Kingsman and works with them more times then she thought she would. She enjoys it, though she doesn’t always trust them especially since they are a rather secret organization.
These are all listed in my verses section.
As well as these plot ideas. & THIS VERY LONG LIST BELOW!
This is more of a bare-bones outline. Just the titles of the au’s I’d like. If anyone wants to plot them with me, just send me a message. I’ll add it to the verses list. (Please note: some of these might have specific people in mind already.)
Bold = are things I really want! Bold Italic = gimmie it now Normal’s just normal things.
Pride and Prejudice AU (DO I EVEN NEED TO LIST THE REASONS!)
Modern day political au
Reincarnation au
DARKER THINGS! ( I really want some dark ships
can has? )
Post-apocalyptic au: Not zombies but darker things.
More family times. (With Mace, Alerie, Olenna, Willas, Garlan, & Loras!)
            Specific Ship AU’s                      
This!Robbaery au
An Alliance is Made AU
Reincarnation AU
A Real Dragon: AU where Margy marries Aegon
 like he turns out to be the real deal, and to seal an alliance with the Targaryen’s (Dany and Aegon now) Margy marries him.
Wolf King: AU where Robb conquers King’s Landing, saves Sansa, and asks Margaery to come back to court as a companion to Sansa. (Margaery, of course, agrees with this because Sansa is her dearest friend.) During this time RobbxMargy starts spending time together. Maybe eventually leading to ship? idk just a thought rolling around.
Verse+ship specific:
Modern au things!
College INSERT SHIP HERE: They start off as friends and slowly move to become something more!
Une Rose Dans le Nord.
{subverses!}
Reine Rose dans le Nord (Rose Queen in the North): Robb’s wife and queen.
Margaery writing letters to Robb when they’re separated. (battles going on and she has to stay somewhere safe.)
Catelyn informs Margaery at Renly’s camp, that her son needs advice and asks if she will write to him. They fall in love through letters.
Margy’s relationships with her brothers. (Willas taught her how to read and how to map the stars, they have to be close. Garlan is protective. She’s so dependent on LORAS!. I HAVE A NEED!)
Runaway!Queen: King’s Landing is attacked and sacked by an army and forces. Margaery runs so she is not taken hostage by the invaders. Finding solace in the Godswood which the intruders do not touch. (I have an open para if you want to see it)
Highgarden Raid: Highgarden is raided and burned by (the iron born or Dragons) In this Margaery loses a good portion of her family. Since this is a canon divergence the war of the five kings could still be going on.
Virgin Queen: Margaery marries Tommen, but he dies shortly after the union. With no heirs to the throne. (Myrcella is dead.) Margaery takes the throne for her own ruling as Queen. (Cersei dies shortly after Tommen)
More ouat vese things.
Random Lover/Outlander AU:
             (ïŸ‰â—•ăƒźâ—•)*: ✧
English Rose!Margaery fighting with Highlander Norther!Lover
English Rose!Margaery not understanding the customs. Feeling out of place.
Highlander Norther!Lover has to explain things to her.
English Rose!Margaery sympathizing with their plight. Understanding that the English are the oppressors to them!
English Rose!Margaery & Highlander Norther!Lover being cute and eventually falling for one another. (After long struggles and Jacobite Rebellion things)
More Musketeer’s verse things!
Specifically things with Rochefort and Louis! BECAUSE I HAVE A NEED FOR MARGY TO ANNOY HER COUSIN IN THE VERSE!
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fireandgloryrpg · 6 years
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NAME: Cassidy “Cassie” Blackwell
AGE: 30
FACECLAIM: Dane Dehaan
HERITAGE: Legacy of Apollo, Legacy of Carmentis
AFFILIATION: Augur of the Twelfth Legion Fulminata
STATUS: Retired (previously played by Ted)
HEADCANONS:
All of Cassie’s card decks for cartomancy, tarot and otherwise, were hand-drawn by them, they’re fourteen different decks, each dedicated to a different Olympian God and another for the Camenae. There are many cards dedicated to specific deities and Cassie only uses those decks containing those Gods when in need to know directly from them or when dealing with their direct descendants. Like the Gods they are dedicated to, the decks have moods and cannot be used at any given time.
Cicero is an Eudaemon, a kind nature spirit, that takes the form of a crow that and took a liking to Caecilius when they were training under Lupa to make to New Rome. Since crows are one of Apollo’s sacred animals, they have a strong connection. They’re free to leave and have no obligation to Cassie but they have been companions ever since. He can be found on the Augur’s shoulder most days and is often responsible for helping Cassie to be on track of what’s real and what’s not, giving plenty of advice to the Legionnaires seeking the Augur. The crow is a kind, patient but sarcastic spirit if you’re polite to him but he’s a nature spirit nonetheless and will shit on anyone who messes with him or Caecilius.  (It’s also a type of Omen related to the fact that ‘Augurius’ is the original fortune telling by analysing the flight of birds.)
Cassie isn’t an Oracle since Oracles are mostly virgin women tied to Apollo, they’re an Augur, a fortune teller bound by a holy contract to serve the Legion. In order to keep their powers sort of “organized” in their head, Cassie made a deal with the Camenae (the group of Godesses consisting of his grandmother and her sisters), whom they’ve dedicated their services to. They can never openly tell anyone their future, if someone wants to know something, they need to be asked and asked the right questions. The rules of the agreement are loose and mostly involve never telling anyone their direct fate possibilities, when it comes to political outcomes, buildings and other specific things, it depends whether the vision or reading is directly tied to someone’s life.
Caecilius lives between the house that was their parents’ before they left New Rome, a small double-story located downtown New Rome, nearby the Senate house and their quarters in Camp Jupiter. Depending on the flurry of activity and other influences, being in the presence of so many demigods and legacies can be draining, downright maddening so they leave back to the city.  
Due to the fact both Carmentis and Apollo are major deities in Cassidy’s life, the legion and legacy tattoo markings of the two gods in their arms. On their right arm, they have Apollo’s lyre and the years counting serving the legion and on their left arm, they have Carmentis’ crane and the SPQR on it. The only other God marking on their body is Jupiter’s eagle on the back of their neck, since the Augur is first and foremost an envoy for the Gods and Jupiter their King.
BIOGRAPHY: 
!! tw: mental illness, misdiagnosis, drug abuse, car crash, death, blood, violence, suicide attempt !!
Past A daughter of Apollo wins the spear throwing contest in the Fides festival, she’s a legionnaire in her eleventh year, a First Cohort Centurion nonetheless and she’s being celebrated for her good years in the service of New Rome, now leaving the Legion ranks to become Praetor. Her close-shaved head wears a gold laurel and she’s well into too much beer when she catches the eye of one legion doctor named Jules. He’s bad at every single war game, terrible indeed but he’s kind and sweet and Laura thinks of him a funny man, he’s not a soldier at heart, he’s their good doctor. They end the last day bonfire sitting side by side, they can’t agree on a single thing. They’re similar in ways they can’t expect, such as medicine and having an ability to pry into the future but they’re fundamentally different on most everything and yet they don’t hate each other.Laura and Jules get married on a spring morning, five years after the Fides festival they first met and all of New Rome showed up to their wedding. Neither of them were from prominent, noble or wealthy families but she had been a popular Centurion that turned Praetor, he had been a popular upstanding doctor and they were loved by the people. Even Apollo and Carmentis showed up for their children’s wedding, a party that bled from Friday into the weekend to never be forgotten.
They live happily ever after. (Or so they wish.) A year after they’ve been married, Laura dreams a terrible dream, a dream of suffering, pain and a miserable death. She goes on to have that same nightmare for the rest of the week. On the following week, Jules is the one who receives those nightmares. They’re both confused and unsure of what it means, they let it be. A few weeks later, they discover Laura is two weeks along an unexpected but not unwelcome pregnancy, a week after that they realized what those dreams meant. It was not for them but for their yet unborn child who would eventually die a horrible and painful death right in the heart of New Rome, standing under the Twelfth Legion Fulminata’s banner.Neither of them are Seers but they understand something about future reading, they understand that it can be changed and nothing is set in stone, but they won’t take their chances. They know the stories, one way or another the Fates weave their thread and ruin people’s lives. So after Caecilius is born, healthy and sane for now, Laura and Jules one day disappear from New Rome, leaving everything and everyone behind in the hopes they’ll save their child from a most painful future. That they’ll live their happily ever after elsewhere.They never stay for too long in one place, a year at most, to not give fate a fighting chance. Laura tends to attract more monsters than Jules but in general they move to remote places, small towns out of great routes, often plagued by changing nightmares about their child’s future. The family’s happily ever after lasts entire three years before one night, driving down to their next town, a minotaur rams against the side of the car and sends them to the other side of the road, front first against a truck. Happily ever after.No one who’s mortal would ever know how on Earth the child was the only one to survive the crash but if there were any demigods present, they would know it was Carmentis’ deed. She could not interfere with anything else but the Goddess was not going to let her grandchild die like so in a road, so away from its rightful place.There’s no documents with the parents, for all matters and purposes, none of those people existed so Caecilius was dead and sent into the U.S. Foster Care in the state of Texas in the city of Dallas. Though they did say their name was Caecilius, they were adopted a year later by a really nice couple a bit on the elderly side whose children had all left home by then and wanted to help someone in the world. So of course, they found each other.The Blackwells were nice, both doctors and both very patient with their new ADHD child. They gave Cassie a new name, a new house and a brand-new future as far as they were concerned. Cassie also forgot about their biological parents and the car accident eventually, leaving it to the backburner of their mind. The first few years were happy and regular for any child, maybe Cassie was a little too odd, a little too scrappy and maybe Cassie had a little too many imaginary friends, too inventive of a child but they were happy. Nothing was wrong for a good time and then everything started going downhill.It started at age seven, at first no one thought anything of the drawings, it was just regular drawings of a seven-year-old who watched too much television, of course it was, how else could Cassie have drawn about accidents that were happening on the other side of the world? How could a child even be aware of the Rwandan massacre or tornadoes in Kansas? Too much television they were sure. 
Then came the nightmares but once again, Cassidy was an imaginative, overactive child, nightmares were just nightmares. As a podiatrist, Peter Blackwell prescribed natural calmatives to his own child, he knew they couldn’t harm. It was easier to believe Cassidy was just too easy to impress by television than to believe their adopted child could pry into the future.But as time would have, nothing improved as things got exponentially worse. The nightmares kept Cassidy up at night, triggering a kind of anxiety that let them irritated and moody during the day, then at age eleven the visions started, first seldom and full of static like a malfunctioning TV receptor but slowly and steadier they grew more vivid, for longer. Cassidy grew desperate to belong but the more they tried, the worse things got. They didn’t know how to shut out the seemingly nonsensical stream of information, after all normal people did NOT see the future. At age fourteen Cassidy’s personality was a mix of medications – for anxiety, insomnia, pain, for mood control, for the eating disorder that grew after everything – and self-hatred, self-doubt and second guessing. A long-lasting diagnosis of schizophrenia came with a bigger stigma, Cassidy begged to be homeschooled, seeking peace in isolation.At age sixteen, they decided it was a losing battle, tired of being called insane, crazy, stupid and an array of not so complimentary names, Cassidy took too many pills down with a bottle of Jack Daniels. It was a miserable, unsuccessful attempted that landed them for a month in a mental health facility, an in-patient homestay care called St.Jude’s in the outskirts of Dallas, by Grapevine Lake. It wasn’t exactly peace but with the equivalent of something short a horse’s dosage in drugs, total isolation from the outside world and a really potent set of phones, Cassie was able to mute away the noise in their head for the first time in years. The following five years they kept coming and going from St.Jude’s, a cycle of reaching the bottom and crawling back up again.  For a full year the world seemed to go radio silence then. Most things stopped happening and yet, Cassidy knew it was more a sign of impending doom than a good sign. Giving in, Cassidy finally accepted that either they were absolutely insane or gifted in rare way and if it was the latter rather than the first, they needed to do something about it. Taking the silence since they could finally think clearly for the first time in years without drugs to muddle their judgement, they did the sensible thing, that was looking for others with a gift for divination. If it was all bullshit, then they were already crazy and completely out of it anyway, what else could be lost? Running away from St.Jude’s without a single note, knowing their parents would come looking, Cassidy went on a quest for anyone who could teach them divination.Most people that Cassidy found were crooks, liars, charlatans or esoteric weirdos that knew nothing of what they spoke and offered little solace. But right before they gave up their search it was in a small, falling apart shop in Chicago that Cassidy finally found answers. The shop itself was esoteric in a way they’d never seen before, items made of gold and bronze and silver, alluring to Roman and Greek paraphernalia from the olden ages, dusty books written in ancient latin, things labelled like “the Minotaur Horn, 2000” and “Echidna’s Claw, 1976”, a very confusing but amusing shop, Cassidy walked in to ask if the owner did future readings and if so, how or why.The owner, a woman well into her eighties, looking with deep brown eyes over her glasses, took them to the back and Cassidy was finally treated like a sane, more or less rational person, not some crazy loony that was rambling into the winds. They talked and talked the afternoon and into the night and came the next day, they kept on talking. And as if Cassidy’s life couldn’t get any crazier, she told them about Gods and demigods, about a place where people like them belonged. Where Cassie would be believed and cherished by who they were. She said that for a year, she’d teach Cassidy everything she knew about foreseeing and they’d work in the shop for that time but after that, they’d have to part ways.The old lady, Fulvia, taught them much, even things she didn’t know herself but were in the books. She also told Cassidy she was a daughter of Apollo and she was way past a millennia, that she had followed the Goddess Diana for so long until she found her soulmate elsewhere and left the Huntresses to live her very own happily ever after. Cassidy didn’t know whether or not to believe but they decided they liked to entertain the thought of the grandmother and her husband being soulmates and all that. For that long year, while most everything was silent, Cassidy studied and learned about the Gods and their magical world beneath the thing called Mist, a world where even the crazy ones like them belonged.And then the silence was over, as if whatever antenna in their brain had been broken in their brain was repaired all of a sudden. It came in a dream, where Cassidy met a woman they had never seen before, who took them into her arms and introduced herself as Carmentis, their grandmother, Goddess of children, childbirth and prophecy. Sure thing. She told Cassidy the Gods had gone through a terrible ordeal that year, that other brave demigods had fought and won a Titan uprising, that Cassidy was needed back home, back in New Rome where they belonged with the other demigods and legacies, that they needed a real Seer.Egeria showed up in a dream and set a condition that if Cassidy could make to Lupa’s den of wolves, complete her training and reach New Rome alive, that the Camenae would try to help channel their powers, if they swore on the River Styx that they would never offer knowledge, only ever let people come to them, she and Apollo would help. No need to offer again, Cassidy was gone the very next day to find the wolf goddess.
Present Making through Lupa’s training was hard, difficult, almost impossible for Cassidy who was unable to concentrate or focus after a year of radio silence in their head only to go back to the usual noise, static and hard-to-control visions hitting out of nowhere, the amount of disgraces hadn’t changed as well. But they also had spent a whole year learning how to channel those powers, harness them into something productive – taking it all on stride, while not quite amazing Legionnaire material, Caecilius did survive the training.They made to Camp Jupiter and even before joining the Legion they claimed the name and blood where they came from, doing so they granted people to pay attention to them. Because of their poor mental condition, Cassie didn’t quite take a regular place in the Legion though they tried to make through the first year of probatio on the First Cohort, with others to vouch for them wanting to be in the good graces of the new Augur. They were decidedly more suitable to consultation, advice and paperwork, aiding the Centurions, Praetors, Consuls, Senators and the Pontifex, a position where they have remained for the past four years as the eccentric oddball Seer.
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