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bubblemiya · 3 years

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Ace of Spades ~ Natsuo Todoroki x Reader

Chapter 1 : First day disaster

Next | Masterlist

Warnings: blood mention, abduction mention

word count: 2.2k

A/N: This is my first fic on my new blog and I am so excited about it! I hope you enjoy

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You knew hero work wasn't going to be easy but there was still a tiny part of you that thought you'd be snatched up by a top agency right away with your flashy suit and unique quirk. That wasn't quite the case.

In fact the opposite happened, your strong quirk had very little drawbacks and many people saw it as dangerous, the nature of your quirk drew villain organisations to you. You defeated them, reported, even 'disposed' of some of them but there was one organisation you couldn't quite shake.

It was your loyalty to the side of heroes and your impressive skill set showcased in your fights that caught the eye of the Endeavour agency. Today was your first day at the agency, it had been a full year since your graduation from shiketsu, and it hadn't properly sank in yet until you were pulling on your hero suit in the women's changing room and a fiery haired sidekick basically pounced on you.

"Aren't you the new girl? I'm Moe Kamiji, my hero name is Burnin'"

She was beautiful, her hair was unique and her loud personality made you envy her. Her inquisitive staring distracted you and you almost tripped pulling up your body suit. She chuckled and helped steady you before offering to help you zip up.

"I'm y/n l/n, my hero name is Phantom Light"

"from what I've seen of your quirk, you're like a ghost type pokemon! that's so cool"

If she sensed your nervousness or felt the heat rising in your face, she didn't mention it. She instead just waited for you to tug on your boots and rambled about how much she loves working at the agency. Her bright attitude was nowhere near what you expected walking into a workplace run by the most intimidating man you've ever seen. She had a natural warmth to her that seemed to calm your fears. You guessed that they sic her on all the newbies at the agency because of that.

"well I'll show you around, newbie"

She looked confident and comfortable as she showed you around the main floors and you only hoped to feel the same way soon. You had already seen the reception and social media/pr team offices as they were on the way to the changing room but Moe had shown you the gyms with in-house saunas, break rooms, conferences rooms, and investigation rooms. The place was huge and despite being full of people, felt empty. It was terrifying, but still exactly what you expected from the new number one. Moe's phone beeped as you passed into another hallway and she pulled it from her bra to check.

"I regret not asking for pockets on this thing" she growled "shit, I'm being called to a villain attack not far from here, you're on your own for now, newbie." she turned to run down the hallway.

"Thank you Kami-"

"Call me Moe!" and before you could even respond she was gone. Your nerves suddenly came flooding back without your new friend there to ease them. With your 'almost fall' in the changing room and Moe leaving when you needed her most, it seemed lady luck was not on your side today. Right as you turned the corner you smacked right into someone exiting an office and they spilled their coffee down your shirt.

“Oh i’m so sorry!”

“It's ok, my hero suit is quite thick so it's not that bad” you attempted to laugh it off but paused as you finally looked up. Your blood ran cold as you realised who you bumped into. The six foot five figure of your boss loomed over you. On your first day you just so happened to bump into Endeavour's son and cause a coffee spill right in front of the man himself. “I-it was my fault any-”

“You just started today and you’re already causing problems, we scouted you because of your impressive skill set but -”

“Shut up, old man” Endeavour's face immediately twitched in anger but he listened to his son, not wanting to cause a scene with him. “It was an accident and it was both of our faults” Endeavour looked embarrassed but grunted something inaudible under his breath. “I'm Natsuo, I'm sorry about your suit, take this” he held his jacket out to you.

“Its ok, it's just a stain”

“Please I insist”

You took it, not wanting him to be offended, and you got a chance to get a proper look at him. He awkwardly scratched his neck as you put on the jacket. There was a brief moment of awkward silence before Endeavour pushed Natsuo past you and carried on walking down the hall. You shook your head to try and rid you of your shame, you hoped you had not just ruined your big shot in the hero world. You walked back down to the offices, keeping your head down as you passed Endeavour and Natsuo to avoid the awkward eye contact. Endeavour was immensely intimidating so you wanted to avoid getting further onto his bad side as much as possible. You filled out the last of your paperwork and set out on your daily patrol.

You kept the jacket on during your patrol and kept in mind that you should take it off to fight but hoped that wouldn't be necessary. You wandered your designated streets, taking in the general hustle and bustle of the town. Bike bells and shop doors opening were sounds you considered comforting. You nodded at people as you passed them, even stopping to say hi to some kids, and stopped at a cafe for a drink. You walked with your drink, hoping for a peaceful end to your work day, until the bird chirping and happy kids turned to screams for help. Your feet, as if on autopilot, followed the sounds until you turned a corner and came face to face with a guy harassing a group of high school girls. You recognised his face from the news, he was a low level villain who had abducted some high school students over the last 3 weeks. He didn't have any strong quirk that you knew of so you went straight in with a strong punch. However, in your haste, you failed to notice the knife he had concealed until he swung it in your direction and he caught your stomach. It wasn't so deep that it needed immediate attention so you continued to fight him off. you had shouted at the girls to leave the alley but they were frozen in place. Fear sometimes acts as an invisible paralytic,

one that we can't or struggle to fight against.

He had gotten in a couple of good swings but once you knocked the knife out of his hand he was pretty much useless. You gave him a harsh elbow to the nose that definitely broke it, a noise that you didn't wanna admit made you feel good and all but knocked him out with the hardest punch you could throw. While he was incapacitated you leaned down to slip him under your control into his body to possess him to make him easier to carry. Your quirk was called 'ghost' which not only gave you the ghostly ability to walk through walls but also to possess people and communicate with the dead. Your possession ability works like a telepathically controlled puppet instead of a typical spirit possession. Once you had his unconscious form up and ready to walk himself to the nearby police you made an attempt to calm the girls and make sure they followed you to the police so police could do safety checks and collect statements. You found it was easy to keep them distracted from their feelings by talking to them and answering questions they might have. You learned one of the girls, a short girl with black hair and black bunny ears, was named Hoshi.

"Are you a pro hero?"

"yup! I started at the Endeavour agency today!"

"Saturday is a weird day to start a new job"

"There's no such thing as weekends when you're a hero" you chuckled at the way she rolled her eyes.

"Don't I know it. My dad is a pro too"

"oh really?"

"yeah but he's away visiting my stepdad"

Your conversation abruptly stopped when police arrived on the scene and took both the unconscious villain and Hoshi away from your custody. The only thing left to do now was find where you had left Natsuo's jacket and head back to the agency to get stitched up. You ran back to a bench you passed to luckily find Natsuo's jacket still there. you didn't wanna get blood on it so you carried it back to the agency instead.

When you walked back in the agency building, Endeavour was standing in the office, handing paperwork to the receptionist, and he noticed you almost immediately.

"Phantom Light, what happened?"

"I got that guy who was abducting high school kids, the one that's been all over local news" Your chest felt heavy as you struggled to pant out your sentence. You were holding your free hand over the wound, putting as much pressure as possible on it to reduce bleeding.

"You're gonna need stitches, I'll take you to our in house doctor" He seemed a lot less tense than he did earlier and Natsuo was nowhere to be seen. You muttered a thank you and slowly walked behind him. He led you to a white door with a black metal name plate on it reading 'Dr.Kita'. You thanked Endeavour again and wandered into the room.

"Good work today, Phantom Light'' was the last thing he said before he shut the door behind you. He was being a lot nicer and even attempting to be encouraging which you figured was his own way of apologising for yelling at you earlier.

The doctor was a tall guy around forty with yellow eyes and brunette hair that was already starting to grey. He welcomed you and got you to lie down on the bench so that he could stitch you back up. He was very talkative, as most doctors are as a way to distract from pain, and he asked about a couple other visible scars to focus your mind elsewhere.

"I got the skin graft about a year ago, I got in a fight with some villain who had a fire quirk. I wasn't even at an agency yet, I was still looking to get scouted, but I walked past him harassing this man for money and I couldn't just walk past it" The doctor nodded as you told the story of the man with white hair and some nasty facial scars who burned you last year. You hissed as the final stitch went through and the doctor clasped his hands together.

"that's you all fixed up, now you just need to change and go home" he said, helping you off the bench and shaking your hand.

You walked back to the changing room and shoved your coffee and blood stained clothes in a bag and changed into your normal clothes. On your way out the building you passed Moe who all but begged for your phone number before you left.

The walk home was quiet and peaceful, The sunset was pretty and nice to watch as you made your way to the train station. The subway ride home had very few people and it was nice to have some time to yourself. You almost missed your stop though because your mind kept drifting back to white fluffy hair and pretty grey eyes. Natsuo was all you could think about. It didn't help that you had his jacket wrapped around you. The smell of an expensive cologne lingered around the collar, it was faint and softer than the cologne you expected him to wear. It was nice and comforting, a smell you could get used to.

Once you got back to your house you used your quirk to pass through the door - which is always locked because you used your quirk and had no reason to open it unless you were expecting food delivery. When you turned around to kick off your shoes you noticed the chain lock had been busted open. You quickly looked around the entrance to your house to check if anything was missing but everything was exactly as you left it in the morning. You dumped your duffle bag full of dirty clothes on the floor and went to check around the rest of the house. You upturned cushions, sifted through cupboards and looked underneath your copious number of house plants but everything seemed normal and in its right place. The only place left to check was your bedroom. Your hand shook as you grasped the door handle nervous to see if anything had been taken but when you walked in you couldn't see anything out of place until you turned your head to the dresser and there it was. Tucked into the frame of a photo of you and your brother sat a playing card, the ace of spades to be exact, with a time written on it.

"2:30 pm"

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wisteria-lodge · 3 years

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lion primary + slightly burnt lion secondary (badger secondary model) (bird secondary model)

i hope you’re having an amazing day!! here’s my SHC dilemma:

i know my primary is lion, and it feels a little exploded, at that, but at least i know what’s up. but im still extremely confused about my secondary. i tried looking through other submissions, but i didn’t really find anything i vibed with 100%, but then again i have adhd and im really struggling going through all that text, it just kinda blurs together at some point

so, my secondary. taking the test, i always get burnt, often with a vague hint towards bird. at first i immediately adopted that and decided i was a burnt bird, but the more i go the less that feels right to me and i think it might be some sort of model.

Yeah. “doesn’t feel right.” Definitely see the Lion in your sorting.

working by elimination, im pretty certain im not a snake secondary. that ish doesn’t even sound real to me, i know there are people like this because i know a couple, but it’s just so weird to me that some people are just able to improvise so effectively, and seemingly change themselves like that, and they?? enjoy it?? it does sound dope, like i admire it, but wtf.

Lion secondaries can get very *does not compute* when trying to get their head around Snake secondaries. I’m considering Lion for you.

i do act differently in different situations or with different people, but i don’t think i have “personas” as much as degrees of awkwardness

I see the burnt secondary. You’re definitely talking yourself down here. But the way you talk about “degrees of awkwardness” does make me think about the way Lion secondaries “change faces” by modulating intensity.

depending on how much my anxiety is acting up, and the more anxious i am, the more i act like a doormat and revert to the proper manners i was taught, but like… that’s not me, and it’s not done on purpose, i don’t enjoy it.

Looks like somebody’s got an unhealthy Badger secondary model.

it feels gross not to be able to act like myself, whatever the hell that is.

And you didn’t vibe with the Lion descriptions? This is the first time I’m reading though this and… very interested to get to the part where you talk about why you think you’re not a Lion.

im also convinced im not a bagder - my mother is, and there are a lot of those in my community, so i was raised thinking that was the best way to be, an ideal to work towards, but it’s just not comfortable for me, i don’t wanna do it.

Yeah, this would that unhealthy Badger secondary model you were talking about. ^

i don’t even think i *can* do it. i mean, “showing up and doing the work” is pretty hard with adhd, and not even the most efficient way of getting stuff done (at least for me), and thinking of the group and what i can do in that group is annoying. also i get that asking for help is important sometimes but it still feels like that’s just admitting i can’t figure out how to do it myself, which, yikes (don’t come at me i know it’s unhealthy)

Hey, breathe. It’s okay. Nobody is going to make you be a Badger secondary. Clearly you’ve spent enough time struggling under the weight of a model that doesn’t suit you, and now you’re pushing back against everything Badger extra hard.

id rather find a group im a good fit for instead of molding myself to please others.

See, that’s an exaggerated, caricatured way of conceptualizing how a Badger secondary works… but I’m not surprised that you think about it that way.

whatever i do, it needs to come from me.

… you’ve got a very loud Lion secondary.

anyway im somewhere between lion and bird, and at first i thought i was a bird because i do in fact fricking love learning everything i can, i wouldn’t naturally call it “collecting”, i’m just doing whatever’s interesting in the moment

You mean you learn by improvising? :) Like a Lion? :)

but sure, why not - i like collecting languages, knowledge about different cultures, books, music, space, countries, medicine, anything and everything, and i sometimes spend hours researching random stuff that im never actually gonna use “just in case im stranded in the wilderness and need to make soap” you feel? but it’s not actually because i think it might be useful (though i do get random bouts of anxiety over not knowing how to do certain stuff “in case” even though the probability id need them is infinitesimal).

Loving knowledge does not make you a Bird secondary. I’m hearing you talk about about a thing you do for fun, and - this is key - a thing you use as a mechanism to cope with anxiety. ADHD can sometimes make you feel very scattered, going too fast, and your Bird is giving you [the illusion of] control. And I’m not going to knock that. The illusion of control is important.

i just like knowing things and being able to use those things to do stuff. i wanna be “that guy” you can come to with the most obscure problem and they’d have some way of dealing with it. doesn’t that sound pretty bird?

Okay. Here’s the deal. You like Bird secondaries. You think they’re cool, and badass. Maybe you’d like to be one. But I’m still not at all convinced you are. I haven’t heard you use it to solve problems.

but i can’t actually do that stuff. i think i used to, when i was a teenager? but depression and undiagnosed adhd kinda kicked my ass, among a few other things, and now i don’t really have the brain power for it and i feel like im not actually able to learn things as well, or to even think straight.

Wow. That is some burnt secondary talk. I can’t do things.

(I promise you, people with ADHD have absurd brain power, and can learn things crazy well, although not in the same way as neurotypicals. You are right about not thinking straight, which I am interpreting as “in a straight line.” ADHD people think in webs and corkscrews and I love it.)

or if i did, i can’t learn as *many* things as i need to feel accomplished? which idk what you think but it kinda just sounds like burnt bird to me.

Feeling like the secondary you have isn’t good enough can be a Burnt thing... but feeling like you need to manifest a specific secondary *more* (which is what this feels like) is usually a sign of a model.

but here’s the thing. all of those sound real nice. and cool. and a good way of doing things, maybe even the “right” way, even though i know that’s subjective. but lion just feels more comfy, and idk if that’s because im a burnt bird modeling lion or if it’s smth else.

… you mean… like being… a Lion?

cause the “collecting skills and knowledge to solve problems” thing sounds cool, but it’s actually more just the first part that i vibe with? the part where i get to learn stuff! but when actually solving problems, i don’t usually think too long, i just vibe. i see where my instinct is taking me and i apply reason *after* that, or like, as a secondary, support thing. im not a dumbass either, im good at puzzles and logic problems, i can totally think things through and use my skills! but that’s not really how i approach problem-solving. i just jump into the situation and see what part of it is closest and start there, or what’s convenient, or what just feels right or nicer or whatever.

This is a perfect description of a Lion secondary with a supportive Bird model. Like a LOT of neurodivergent people (hi!) you built yourself some scaffolding using the Bird toolbox.

and on one hand it could be that im not confident in my skillset enough to do things the bird way, but on the other hand, thinking back to my childhood and teenage years, when i had better executive skills and i wasn’t as completely scatterbrained as i am I now (i was, but not as bad in some ways), i still did this? like, all of my major life decisions where made on the spot based on instinct and nothing else

I’m definitely seeing the Lion primary come though as well.

whenever i have a problem of the interpersonal sort i just face it and talk to the person and don’t bother hiding or sugarcoating things even if it means hurting that person because i don’t want to lie or come off as something i’m not, when i need to work on a project i don’t bother planning, i just jump in and a strategy forms in an organic way as i go, you know what i mean? isn’t that what this “charging” business means?

Yes.

anyway i have no idea which one is a model and which one is actually mine. i love learning things but i don’t care about actually using them. i mean i like it, of course, but it’s whatever. planning is tedious and it kinda gives me validation because im meant to be “smart” and i guess planning is what smart people do, but it’s annoying and nothing ever goes exactly to plan anyway so you just have to pause and plan again or whatever, and that’s just so boring and frustrating??

I get that you like Bird secondaries, and I get that the picture of “smart person” in your head looks like a Bird secondary but just like… come on…

why not just do the damn thing?? and then what you have to do will be obvious anyway?? and sure, if you planned ahead, maybe you’d already know what you need to do and you’d have prepared it and you’d do it better, but who’s got the time for that?? i can’t use my brain like that! i need to live the thing before it actually feels real enough for me to think about solving it.

I have never read anything more Lion secondary in my entire goddamn life.

i hope this actually made sense and i gave enough relevant information, my head kinda feels jumbled right now. i mean it makes sense to me but i don’t know how this reads from an outside perspective. maybe i should have planned this like an essay or whatever lmao

thanks a lot for answering these & running this blog!!! it’s dope and you give really good insights and you’re just a super cool person!

<3 <3 <3

#LION SECONDARY #badger secondary model #bird secondary model #lion primary #sortme #sortinghatchats #wisteria sorts #submission

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sadselfhelp · 3 years

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Who I Am, And Why I Created This Blog.

TRIGGER WARNINGS - Mental Illness, Self-Harm, Child Abuse, Domestic Abuse, Violence, Drug Overdose, Suicide, Psychotic Breaks.

Take a walk with me, let me show you around the mind of The Sad Hatter.

There's a lot going on in my head right now, and I feel like I'm on the precipice of something. I'm standing on a cliff's edge and I'm either going to plummet or I'm going to fly. It's been building inside me for a long time, and I can't contain it anymore. So here it is, here's me laid bare, because I need to say this, I need to put it into words. I need to purge it all. To try and make sense of all of this shit in my brain, I think it's time I organize it. I don't know where to begin, but I guess I start at the beginning and make use of the ability to edit.

Before you read this, please be aware of the trigger warnings. And please understand that this is the most honest and open I have been, I really am stripped bare in this piece of writing. It’s not at all pretty, and am I not guiltless in parts. This may well alter whatever opinion you have of me.

I guess the beginning is birth, right? But I don't want to rehash all that trauma, so let me speed through it. Twenty-Eight years ago I was born, violently. I'm serious, I ripped my way out of the womb, and tore that thing apart. I guess I can sort of understand why my mother couldn't love me after that was my first act, collapsing her womb. So let me speedrun this part of the story. Mum didn't want me, gave me to my dad who raised me as a single parent with the help of his parents, until he met my stepmother. Shockingly, she didn't want me either, but because she couldn't get rid of me she decided to physical and psychological torture was the next best thing.

When I was eleven years old I snapped and didn't want to put up with it anymore, so I wrote a goodbye note and then snuck into the medicine cabinet and took a bunch of pills. Spoiler alert, I didn't die. I did however end up in a children's home, cue more abuse, little bit of bullying and sexual assault etc.... I snapped again, but instead of turning my anger inwards, I became an absolute bastard. Ok, I still turned it inwards a bit, I had a lot of anger, and now I have a few hundred scars to prove it. But, it turns out that violence can beget violence, and I acted out in every possible way. Racked up a horrifying rap sheet, assault, vandalism, arson, and finally... GBH. I was supposed to get put in a secure unit (child prison – Scottish Edition) but I was always able to talk myself out of trouble.

See, I was this tiny little white girl with big sad eyes and a hell of a sob story, even at the bottom of the food chain I still had privilege. So instead of getting locked up, I just got sent to a different home. And here's the really messed up part, this home was better. The staff were nicer, and nobody hurt me. My behavior literally changed overnight. I went from being charged by the police on a weekly basis, to never getting so much as a pocket money sanction. I will never excuse my actions, nor condone them, but after years of guilt I finally realized that the bad things I did were in retaliation to a bad situation, and though I wasn’t acting like a good person, I’m not a bad person, just a messed up one.

I still refused to go to school though, because though I didn't yet know it at the time, I had severe social anxiety. I was smart, a little too smart to be honest, and I found myself thriving with a private tutor. When the time came to sit my exams, someone fucked up, and despite having record breaking test scores on the pre-exams, I never actually got to sit my standard grades (think SAT's – Scottish Edition). I'm still bitter about that. So by this point in the story, I'm 16, and legally an adult, too old for a children's home. I got turfed to a hostel, and the next few parts of the story are pretty fuzzy to me.

This is where my mental health really started to deteriorate. I bounced between homeless hostels and B&B's for a year or so, until I got a my first flat/apartment. By that point, I was utterly fucked in the head. I was blacking out frequently, for anywhere between a couple of minutes to three days. I would come back to myself in sometimes compromising positions, and once there was blood. A lot of blood, splashed all over the walls. Then there was the time I suddenly found myself standing in the kitchen, about to plunge a knife into my own chest.

Nobody ever did tell me what the hell that was about. Or maybe they did and I just... forgot? But because I was extremely suicidal, a doctor finally decided to do something, and the police and the paramedics came to my door to take me to the psychiatric hospital. I spent ten months there while I cycled through various anti-psychotics and anti-depressants, and was 'rehabilitated into society'. The second I was out, I made the worst decision I have ever made in my life. If I can give you one piece of advice, one lesson to take from my shitshow of a life, it's this: Don't move hundreds of miles away to be with the guy you met online while you were having a psychotic break.

I've never really thought of myself as a victim, but I guess I'm the only one who saw it that way. Ben, that was his name, Ben was a monster, and I didn't know it until it was too late. He never hit me, never lifted a hand to me, he never had to. He could put a knife in my hand and make me hurt myself for his entertainment. I had told him everything, so he knew exactly how to break me down, how to make me want to bleed. He locked me in a house and used me up. And when I had enough, and tried to break free of him, he would just tell the police I was mentally ill and they would smile sympathetically and give me back to him.

But then my dad had a breakdown. My dad, who when he found out what my stepmother was doing to me, buried his head in the sand and packed my little suitcase for me. I hadn't spoken to him in a while until he reached out from the same psychiatric ward I had not long vacated. He had cracked under the realization that I had never lied about her, and the guilt broke him apart. I could have hated him, if it had happened a few years earlier then I would have. But I had experienced enough of the world to learn a few things, like how easily it is to fuck up, and that no matter how strong you are, you aren't immune to monsters. The truth was he was as much a victim of her evil as I was. She had manipulated him, played with his head, used his insecurities against him. So I helped him through his issues, the way I wished someone had helped me. That doesn't really make me a good person, it just makes me human.

But my dad got better, and found his footing. And when he did, he realized something wasn't right with me, and I told him the truth about Ben. My dad had left me to suffer at the hands of an abuser once before, and he wasn't going to allow it to happen again. He came and got me, and he took me home. He moved me in with him, gave me his bed and slept on the couch. After a couple of months, he helped me get my own place.

And that's the happy ending, right? All the trauma was over, I was safe, that's where the story should end. Right? I bet you're not naive enough to believe that, but I sure as hell was. I thought I would recover and that everything would be ok. I thought that with safety, there would come the chance to heal. I thought my wounds would scab over, and I would have my scars but at least I would be able to move without bleeding out. But that's not how trauma works. I had two decades worth of trauma, abuse, and hell.

I just... faded. I didn't crack, I didn't crumble, I didn't break, I just stopped. For five years I sat in one room of my home, drowning inside myself. Last year I got handed a lifeline, and now I live somewhere better. I'm not really allowed to live independently so I actually live in kind of retirement village of all places. I have my own house, but it's got intercoms and emergency cords everywhere, I get checked on daily by on on-site worker. And I'm trying to get better, I really am. It's just not that easy.

There's more to the whole story that I maybe should have put in, like the fact that my mother was a drug addict when she was pregnant with me, and that may have been the reason some of my organs didn't properly form and/or formed wrong. My lung split in half when I was a baby, and parts of my stomach are missing. Or that my mother is full on batshit insane. I could have had a perfect childhood and I still would have been mentally ill. Hell, I was seeing psychologists at five years old. Take my sketchy genetics, add twenty years of severe traumas, and well... I'm a little fucked up. Because a lot of medical conditions use acronyms, my full list of diagnosis looks like I'm collecting the fucking alphabet.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Agoraphobia. I also have a Pulmonary Sequestration, Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia, the stomach and lung issues. Immune Hemolytic Anemia, I'm basically allergic to my own blood. Plus, ya know, my liver recently decided to just fucking nope out, the pissy lil bitch is failing. I also may or may not have cancer, I don't know because I pussied out of the tests. At this point I am a walking, decaying corpse that is held together by glitter glue and bitterness.

So... why exactly am I writing this? And why am I even considering posting this? I mean, my problems aren't as bad as some other people's. We've all got shit to deal with, especially in 2020. The whole world is falling apart, so what right do I have to sit here pouting and pouring my problems out? Well, for a start, I guess this is my blog, I can post whatever, and it's up to everyone else if they read it.

So here it is, you have the backstory, so here's what it's all been leading up to.

I'm struggling. Like, really struggling. I'm stuck on this cliff, and I want off, any way I can. Whether I fall or fly, I just want free. I can't live like this anymore, because I can't breathe.

The fucking agonizing duality of being socially anxious and too easily overstimulated, and yet feeling fucking empty inside if you're not surrounded by action and noise. The world is too noisy for my brain, but my brain is too noisy for the world. I get antsy if I'm not doing at least a thousand different tasks, but I get overwhelmed if I try to do anything at all. It leads to short bursts of mania, followed by weeks of depression. But underneath all of that, under all the dramatic showboating, and the dark humor, under all the bravado... I'm really just sad.

Years ago, when I first came up with the moniker "The Sad Hatter", I said it was because I may be mad, but my madness was born of sadness. I'm just sad. I carry it with me where my heart should be. So I named myself Sad, and I put on the hat, and I wore my sadness like armor, turned it into an act, and made a spectacle of it. "I'm The Sad Hatter, and I'm mentally ill but that's alright, I'm going to be just fine!" I told you all I had my issues, and I'll come close to opening up about how bad those issues are, I'll give little chunks of information at intermittent intervals, and then two hours later I'll act like it never happened. I'll admit I was close to killing myself, and then two days later I'll post dog photo's and act like I'm all better.

I'm writing this because I'm sad. And tomorrow, I'll act like I'm not. But when I waver again, I'll come back here and I'll open up again. And along the way, maybe you're reading this and realizing you aren't alone in feeling overwhelmed. Maybe you're realizing you're not the only one who isn't healing neatly and in a timely manner. Maybe you're reading this and gaining some insight into the struggles someone you care about is facing. Maybe my opening up is can help somebody else, I really hope so, but I know it's helping one person. It's helping me.

This blog, it's about living with myself. It's about living with The Sad Hatter.

#trigger warnings #mental health #anxiety #borderline personality disorder #adhd #domestic abuse #child abuse #self harm #violence #just all the trigger warnings

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sokkasangel · 4 years

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teach me

»»——— sokka x f!reader

»»——— part one

summary: as the gaang is travelling through a fire nation-infested earth kingdom village, they meet the reader — a servant — who takes a special interest in sokka.

warnings: none

word count: 1.3k

a/n: this is my first piece on this blog; i hope you enjoy reading! the second part will be up soon! <3 ella

»»——— masterlist

“let’s stop here.” katara pointed past appa’s dangling feet. “we need some more food.”

“you sure?” sokka opened his eyes, coming out a light nap. he peeked over the saddle, glancing at the earth kingdom town below. “it looks like there’s a lot of fire nation.”

towards the walls of the small town, sat red carts led by ostrich-horses. blobs of maroon could be seen moving through the streets periodically.

but this was no surprise. the gaang realized that most of the western earth kingdom cities would be inhabited by fire nation. whether it be small or large, military rushed into villages, taking & destroying what they wanted.

so many times, sokka & katara had to pull aang away from these places. he wanted so badly to help those in need: protect children, give food, & release taken servants.

“i think we’ll be okay. katara’s right about the food anyways,” aang chipped in, ever the optimist. he pulled on appa’s reigns, heading down to the ground.

—

after walking through the town, the gaang had a sack full of food & of course sokka bought a small totem of the town. as they made their way to the town gate, someone cried out behind them.

“hey!” you yelled as you crashed down on the dirt road.

you looked up at the man who had just thrown you out. he glanced up & down the street, waiting for fire nation guards to collect you.

“you’re not going anywhere, scum.” he crossed his arms, happy with his triumph. “i cant wait until the guards get you. i’ve been waiting for this day since my wife brought you here. i should have never allowed this.”

you got up & brushed off the dust on your clothing. you noticed that the guards had not arrived, so it was now or never. you darted for the gate, not paying attention to the civilians nearby. as you drew closer, you felt freer & freer with each step. but you suddenly hit something rock-hard.

“so you’re the fire nation traitor, huh?” you looked up at what you ran into. it was a man who stood tall, & who had a ugly look on his face. you could tell he was the chief of the guard pack behind him from his uniform.

you took some steps back. as you did, the group of soldiers in front of you drew their weapons. some had spears, while others had swords. outnumbered, you accepted your fate; however, you weren’t going to go without a fight.

your thoughts of what prison life would be life were cut short by a loud “hey! over here!”.

on your right, a group of teenagers stood. they looked ready for battle. the youngest looking, a small bald boy, yelled again. they all motioned for you to run over.

a smile bloomed on your face & you made a beeline for the group. but as you started, the chief behind you grabbed your hair.

“ouch!” you fell back with your scalp stinging. you pushed at his hand, but it was no use. he started to pull you away, not caring about tears welling in your eyes.

“watch out!” the girl of the group ran toward you with her hands extended. “sokka! grab her! make it back to appa!” the water trough on the house next to you started to rattle. all of the liquid rose out & wrapped around the girl’s hands.

a water bender? what is a water bender doing here? and who or what was appa?

with a whip of the water, the chief let go of you & spun around. before scrambling to your feet, you glanced at your savior. she had long dark hair, blue eyes, & a water tribe necklace.

the boy who had been standing next to the young kid now was helping you to your feet. nothing he was saying was registering to you. he looked like the girl, & you supposed they were related.

rolling his eyes, he grabbed your hand & started running. you looked at the guards flashing past you, who were preoccupied with the water bender & now the boy. you couldn’t tell what he was doing, but you could hear loud gushes of wind.

after a few minutes of running, the walls disappeared & trees grew taller. the boy suddenly stopped & looked around. you noticed he still had a hold of your hand. maybe it was because the air was warm or because you had just been running but you could feel your face heat up.

“appa!” he shouted. the trees to the left shook & got out of the way as a large beast came of out of the woods.

you gasped. “is that a sky-bison? i thought they were extinct.”

“yep. this is appa. don’t worry, he’s way nicer than he looks.”

he led you over to the giant fluff-ball. you held out your free hand, letting appa sniff you. after aquianting yourselves, the bison let you pet him.

“you okay?” the boy asked, averting your attention from appa.

“yeah i think so,” you smiled. “thank you for helping me.”

“of course. that’s what we do,” he smirked. “save people.”

you quirked your eyebrow, waiting for him to explain.

“oh i’m sokka by the way.” he went to extend his hand but realized it was in yours. you both let go, embarrassed.

“i’m y/n.” you didn’t look up from the ground. & you waited for your blush to subside before continuing the conversation. “what’d you mean by ‘that’s what we do’? & who’s ‘we’?”

“o-oh. well that boy back there, he’s aang. he’s actually the avatar. believe it or not.” sokka scratched the back of his head. you couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed still or uncomfortable. “me & my sister are helping him learn the elements.”

“oh wow. but you guys are so young. & you’re doing this by yourselves? that’s impressive.” sokka seemed to beam at your words. “it must be nice though, to travel everywhere.”

“yeah it’s really cool. you meet so many interesting people & see cool things. hey, uh, if you don’t mind me asking... what’s up with that mean mustache guy back there?” he pointed back towards the village with his thumb.

“oh, him? he was the guy i worked for, him & his wife. i originally lived with my family in the fire nation, but as they colonized the earth kingdom, they took people to help ‘keep earth kingdom civilians in line’.” you made air-quotes with your fingers, saying what the military had said months before. “i was brought over to live in a village, but now i’m a servant to these stupid fire nation couples.”

“so you were taken from your family?” sokka asked. his voice had gotten softer.

“yeah. in a way.” you shrugged, not wanting to dwell on it.

you now noticed how handsome sokka was. his eyes were as blue as his sister’s; some hairs had been pulled out of his wolf-tail & were now framing his face. you felt your face heat up again & pretended you were interested at the rocks near your feet.

“how about you?” you asked kicking a pebble away. “what about your family?”

“uh, well my dad is fighting in the war. & my mom... she, uh, she’s gone.”

“oh, i’m so sorry.” you put your hand on his arm & offered a sympathetic smile.

just as he was about to say something, footsteps approached you two.

“hey guys!” aang waved as he walked with sokka’s sister.

“how are you? are you okay?” the girl came up to you.

you nodded & looked to aang, wondering what was coming next. were you just going to go to the next village? go back home?

“hey, umm,” aang started. “you wanna join us? i’m sure we could use some fire nation information.” he had the biggest smile you’d ever seen.

“r-really?” your eyes widened. they wanted you to come along? “are you sure?”

“of course!” he replied. the siblings looked happy & offering also, almost as if they were waiting for someone to join.

“yeah, of course i’ll join you!” you said, maybe a little too loud.

[to be continued...]

#sokkasangel #sokka #sokka x reader #sokka x y/n #sokka x you #sokka x female!reader #atla #avatar the last airbender #avatar #avatar sokka #avatar x reader

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kavkasia · 3 years

Note

hey jade I know you said you're busy but 👉👈 could you tell us more about your georgia of? i love the vibes I get from him and I'm not very well versed in the history of the caucasus so I'd love to hear more about him 👀

You know the way to my heart... ❤️

I’m going to ramble, so if you want me to expand on anything don’t be afraid to send an ask about it! I’m just trying to compact my notes and not write one giant paper LOL.

NAME

Human Name: Giorgi (Ilias Dze / Ilyich) Davitashvili

Giorgi — His first name actually started as a joke (Georgia... Giorgi... very clever) but it also works well. The patron saint of Georgia is Saint George: a military saint which has been popular in Georgia for centuries (parts of Georgia post-Christianization are believed to have combined the cult of Saint George with the cult of the pre-Christian moon god Armazi). Giorgi is also the most common male name in Georgia and the name of many Georgian kings.

Ilias Dze / Ilyich — He doesn’t actually use his patronymic anymore, but during the USSR he did have one because Obligatory Russification Time™. It’s after Prince Ilia Chavchavadze, a major contributor to the revival of the Georgian national movement in the late nineteenth century and widely considered to be the “Father of the Nation”.

Davitashvili — A Georgian surname roughly meaning “David’s child”. It’s a reference to the Bagratoni King David IV of Georgia (also known as David the Builder) who is famous for keeping the Seljuk Turks out of Georgia at the Battle of Didgori. It was under his reign that Georgia began to experience its Golden Age and much of the Caucasus region fell into Georgian hands.

AGE

He is around 2500 years old (physically he is in his mid-late 40s).

He considers himself to be an ancient nation like Armenia and Iran. Not that he’s wrong! It’s just not often acknowledged by others who aren’t familiar with him.

PERSONALITY

[steals bits of this from my RP blog because I got tired from linking wikis in an upcoming section oops]

MBTI: ESFP

• hospitable • sociable • stubborn • prideful • short-tempered • charismatic • confident • passionate • brave • spontaneous • lazy • sincere • boisterous •

Ok, listen. He is a bit of an asshole I’m not going to lie LMAO.

He is the type of guy that argues a point even when he knows jack shit about it (he knows more than a professional!!).

He has an opinion on everything.

He is super prideful to the point where he genuinely believes his culture is superior and his language/food/people/etc. are the best.

He has a bit of a temper (the kind that just jumps out with some build up) and he is sensitive to feeling slighted.

He is a flirt but it is not cool at all. He is an attractive guy (I have a reason lol) but he uses the worst pick up lines.

At the same time:

He is very devoted and loves genuine relationships. If you gain his favour he will do almost anything for you (there is also the reverse of this though).

He is so hospitable he is famous for it.

He treats his guests with the utmost respect.

He can be very chivalrous towards women (but it can come from a sexist place oops).

He is very friendly once you break through his initial serious shell.

He loves jokes and anecdotal humour.

Miscellaneous:

He loves rugby, wrestling, football, singing, dancing, wine, this movie, and eating absurd amounts of (hopefully Pasanauri) khinkali.

He hates rules, not having enough money for cigarettes, if you put on a seat belt when he’s driving, criticism, refusal, and being called “Gruzia.”

He also plays the panduri.

TIMELINE

Before I start, I have to say Giorgi is not a collective personification of Georgia. Giorgi is actually the personification of the Kartlians! He just has the title of Georgia and so represents the nation on the international level (and also the domestic level depending on the situation).

Start (~5th century BC)

I pinpoint his “birth” to be around when several Anatolian tribes settled in Eastern Georgia and merged with the local tribes. He had a couple caretakers who were like siblings or sibling-parents.

Kingdom of Iberia (Kingdom of Kartli) (302 BC–580 AD)

In this period he gets baptized, starts loving God and Jesus (becoming the second nation in the world to adopt Christianity) and says no to paganism (but lowkey-highkey pagan practices were kept up for a long time).

Also, Iberia is the Greco-Roman name that is used for the area. When you see Iberia, know that it’s Kartli.

Principality of Iberia (588–888)

He is just trying to live his life but the Byzantine Empire and Sassanid Iran are ruining everything by fighting over the area. He also continues to love God and Jesus.

Kingdom of the Iberians (888–1008)

Lots of politics. Honestly, I hate it here.

Kingdom of Georgia (1008–1490)

The Battle of Didgori happens during this period and it was the best moment of his life. He has several amazing rulers including King Tamar. Lots of wars against the Byzantine Empire, various Turkic states and more. Eventually, the kingdom breaks up.

Kingdom of Kartli (1478–1762)

Here he gets fucked over by Safavid Iran multiple times and also works as a weird slave soldier too so life is great.

Kingdom of Kartli-Kakheti (1762–1801)

He has a short marriage to Kakheti that ends after he gets completely fucked over by Russia and then forcibly annexed into the Russian Empire.

Georgia Governorate (apart of the Russian Empire) (1801–1917)

There were actually several governorates in this period but for the sake of simplicity I’m going to list it as that one.

I have a small write up about the time here.

Transcaucasian Democratic Federative Republic (1918)

The Caucasus splits off from Russia. Giorgi represents Georgia and the TDFR (Armenia and Azerbaijan are also there as co-representatives of the TDFR). The Entente will later say they need to stick together but they forget one crucial detail:

Democratic Republic of Georgia (1918–1921)

Georgia splits off from the TDFR. Time to create a republic with a socialist government! Amazing! Too bad he’s the wrong kind of socialist according to the Bolsheviks and gets brutally stomped by the Red Army in 1921!

All his neighbours want to fight in this period as well. The Entente also won’t commit to helping Georgia until it’s too late because they were suspicious of him after he had been forced to ask the German Empire for protection in 1918.

Georgian Soviet Socialist Republic (1921–1991)

Listen, the USSR was terrible, but at least Georgia was actually one of the nicer Soviet republics because he won the geographic lottery. He even got stereotyped as being the rich republic.

We just aren’t allowed to talk about Russification or the purges or the discrimination or the fact they would only print Georgia’s most iconic piece of literature in Russian.

(Oh, it’s also my headcanon that until 1936 he shared the title of USSR with the other republics.)

Georgia (1991–present)

1990s sucked. 2000s sucked. 2010s sucked. 2020 sucks.

Summary:

NOTABLE RELATIONS

Ukraine

Best friend. Best girl. His Suliko. He loves her.

(I also have way too many dumb AUs for them 😭)

Lithuania

Other best friend. They call each other by their proper names because fuck Russian names. Also, this video is them (Giorgi is the wrestler).

Kakheti

They were married at one point in time. He is closest to her out of all the other Kartvelian regions (it’s the Eastern Georgian solidarity).

Armenia

He is like a brother but they only really acknowledge that when they’re in a good mood or when one wants something from the other. It’s a love-hate relationship that has gone on for centuries.

Russia

Azerbaijan

They are... okay. They go from tolerating to disliking each other pretty quickly. He hates when he hangs out with her and Turkey and they only speak Turkish to each other so he ends up being a third wheel that didn’t want to be here in the first place but his economic situation means he has to show up.

Iran

They had major issues but things are fine now, I guess.

Okay, Giorgi actually still has some issues, but Iran just wants to come over for a vacation sometimes.

EU and NATO

BUT YEAH UM... that’s Giorgi. This is all mostly surface level stuff so again, if you want me to expand on anything just ask. Thank you for the ask and ily. ❤️

#YOU CAN SEE WHERE I BECAME A MEME I'M SORRY LOL #my headcanons #aph oc georgia #aph oc #jade replies #portu-cale-main

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chibalein · 3 years

Text

Kalafina Live Report: 9+ONE @Kitakyushu - REVISITED

So, this is something I wanted to do for a long time now (almost 3 years to be exact). Back in 2017, when Kalafina was still a thing and times were good, I was lucky enough to live in Japan and able to attend various of Kalafina activities. My first proper concert was their final live of the 9+ONE tour in the city of Kitakyushu/Fukuoka prefecture, in June 2017.

My first live report was certainly different than all the others that followed, less detailed, less emotional so to say. I always wanted to update the whole thing because looking back, there were so many moments during the concert that I - for whatever reason - did not write about enough or not at all. Well, since I have been working at home for quite a while now, I feel like now is the perfect time, as this gives me an amazing reason to be lazy and productive at the same time. Here is my original live report: PART 1 / PART 2

So, a lot of things will certainly stay the same because I just don’t remember enough of the concert, especially about the vocal performance or things the girls have said during the MCs. I will add some other details that I still remember (hopefully correctly), and describe everything a bit nicer too :)

Let’s do it! Long ass report ahead! again

Back then, I was living in Kanagawa prefecture, but I was too late for tickets of the Yokohama or Tokyo lives. I was planning to visit a friend who lived in Fukuoka city at the time and Kalafina’s Kitakyushu concert perfectly fit into my schedule. Luckily, I was able to buy a ticket via convenience store. As I was pretty late, I got a kinda bad seat in the almost very back of the upper floor.

The morning of the live I arrived in the city of Kitakyushu, which is a rather famous port city at the northern tip of Fukuoka prefecture. The historic town Kokura has a beautiful castle, which I visited as well as Moji port. (After reading Hikaru’s blog post where she said that she also went to see the castle, I was a bit disappointed that I didn’t meet her xD). There’s also TOTO Museum, a museum dedicated to the TOTO company, which is famous for inventing those high-tech toilets that Japan is so known for.

I was kind of warned beforehand that the Kalafina good’s sale would attract a ton of people, so I wanted to be there as early as possible. About two hours too early I arrived at Kitakyushu’s Harmony Cinq Soleil Hall and waited along with a handful of other people. Slowly but steadily more and more people would gather, forming an absurdly long line. Not as extreme as the 10th Anniversary good’s line, but still impressive. Luckily, I was standing in some shade, because it was so damn hot and sunny the entire weekend. When the doors finally opened, I am sure there were like 200-300 people waiting to receive those sweet sweet popcorn buckets that were sold as venue exclusive merchandise. In the end, I bought the T-shirt, the key holder, the popcorn and the clear files, but looking back I do regret not buying the notebook. I wanted the popcorn mainly because of the Kitakyushu exclusive sticker - the popcorn itself had the flavor chocolate + soda (I think?), which I remember thinking was the shittiest combo of all flavors they had. It didn’t taste as bad as I thought but I still think it was overpriced. Together with the ticket itself, I ended up spending about 100€, which I thought was a lot, especially as there were people buying the entire collection and even more... hahahaha, oh innocent, naive past me, I didn’t know what was coming to me yet.

(Photo: in front of the venue)

I do love my merch though. I still wear all my Kalafina T-shirts at home, and while in Japan I had the key holder... hold my keys, making it all dirty and bent now lol The popcorn cup is decorating my shelf to this day.

Anyway, after getting my stuff, I went on to walk around, grab something to eat and even made friends with a Japanese girl, sharing our Kalafina love. Later, when people were admitted, probably around 800-900 people were there, quite a view! I saw some foreigners as well, and even made friends with a Philippine girl as well :D

(Photo: merch table at the venue)

(Photo: the stuff I bought)

While entering, staff was handing out little goodie bags, mostly with flyers and ads for other events or the obligatory concert questionnaire. However, that bag included our very own 9+ONE Lights! I took my seat which wasn’t as far from the stage as I thought, but I still would not be able to see the girls’ expressions.

When the concert finally started, a black but transparent screen was lowered (you know it from the 9+ONE DVD) and they started to play an overture version of “Samidare ga sugita koro ni”. Meanwhile we got see a collection of Kalafina’s entire discography, where each title of their songs, even in their respective font if available, was shown and merged into a white cloud, revealing our ladies.

(Photo: stage before the concert started)

They started with “Samidare ga sugita koro ni”. I remember it being good and nice, but I was never really fond of that song, even though it has grown on me a bit. We all clapped along and had our fun.

It continued with “misterioso”, also a song that has grown on me over time. While everyone was staying seated and enjoying themselves before, all the dudes in the arena seats jumped to their feet, being an upbeat song and stuff. I was grateful for the upper floor to have stayed seated almost the entire time, because being so far away was shitty enough and I didn’t want to spend 2 hours standing.

Anyhow, this song revealed some flaws in either the acoustics of the hall or the mixing of the sound technicians (I guess the latter?). Wakana was uncomfortably loud most of the time, drowning out the other two, but especially Hikaru - in some songs more than in others and more often than not when she wasn’t in the lead too. Some of her notes simply made me cringe. Hikaru on the other hand seemed to be feeling the exhaustion of the tour. On many occasions, she sounded tired, especially when it came to hit those high or long notes. The band didn’t help either, they also drowned out many parts of the singing... Maybe it was just this venue though and luckily, the 10th Anniversary wasn’t like this. Then again, I only attended acoustic lives or lives without band after that, so who knows how they sound when there is no DVD recording going on XD

Next was “Lacrimosa”, and this time Wakana wasn’t being as cringy as before. Poor Hikaru doing nothing for most of the time. One cool moment was that short pause after their “LA-CRI-MO-SA” part, right before the final chorus. The stage turned deep red with the girls reaching out to the audience. When you don’t know that this is coming, it’s an incredibly powerful move.

I don’t remember what they said during MC#1, other than greeting the audience and the usual “We hope you have fun” stuff. I do remember Hikaru welcoming us to the Harmony Cinq Kitakyushu Soleil Hall, by saying the entire name of the hall, and then saying something along the lines of “Thank god I didn’t trip over my tongue” (it’s a lot harder to say that name in Japanese, I give it to her lol).

They proceeded to introduce “Ashita no Keshiki”, a song that is not performed often, also because it’s a song that is mainly sung by Wakana. It was a beautiful performance, which was a little bit ruined by Hikaru. If you thought that she sounds strained and tired in the 9+ONE DVD version, well, imagine her like 5 concerts after that performance. Still great though, I came to love that song a lot.

“Hikaru no senritsu” was equally ok, but Hikaru again kind of screwed up her short “ashita wo kanadete” towards the end of the song. She probably just didn’t hit the note correctly, but to me it sounded as if she screwed up the timing, because I didn’t even her the first word or so.

With “Mirai”, Kalafina finally started to move around, so far they had stayed glued to their positions. They waved and interacted with the audience, cheering us on to cheer them on. I did enjoy the performance and the overall atmosphere, although “Mirai” belongs to my most disliked of all Kalafina songs.

In MC#2, they talked about “Ashita no Keshiki” a bit, together with their first album and how this is the first time performing in Kitakyushu (and not Fukuoka city). Since this is Wakana’s home prefecture, she proceeded to talk about her favorite Udon and Ramen restaurants (I think it was also about the restaurant chain West) and other specialties of Fukuoka.

The next song was “Oblivious”, also a song I was really looking forward to. As you know, this time Hikaru decided to sing her first lines in her high head voice (probably because she just can’t do it “regularly” anymore). I thought and still think it’s lovely, as it gives the song a much more mysterious opening and it’s also quite closer to the original to be honest. Wakana and the band drowned out Keiko for most of the time, with Hikaru and her high voice coming to the party later too. The acoustics were really weird that day...

“storia” was as usual, nothing special and not a song that really stands out to me anymore.

I was more looking forward to “Gogatsu no Mahou”, which is also a song I came to appreciate more over time. I adore the bridge section after the chorus, especially Wakana’s “habataku kotori no” and that one super high moment, so I really tried to focus on that particular part of the song. It was great!

With “consolation”, finally a darker and fiercer song made its debut and while I don’t really remember the performance itself anymore, I do remember the stage production. Basically, they packed out those lights and illuminations that they have been hiding so far and blasted us with them. Hikaru was pretty quiet though. Keiko on the hand appeared to have problems with her earpiece, and at some point she was frantically waving to the technicians backstage.

Wakana took it upon herself to dominate “To the beginning” as well, but we got some action on stage at least, since the girls stayed glued to their positions most of the timea again.

In MC#3, Keiko talked about how every live performance as well as their unique harmony is important to them (quite ironic after Wakana was actively trying to make Keiko NOT be heard lol). The following song was special in a sense that there would be NO harmony. Back then, when Kalafina received the song for the first time (or before recording, not sure), they even asked Kajiura Yuki whether this is correct or even intentional.

With “Haru wo matsu” we got our obligatory ballad. While I was never really fond of the song, I think it’s sweet and yes, their missing harmony gives it quite a refreshing vibe. Keiko sounded pretty much like in the 9+ONE DVD, but it was so strange to hear her cutesy voice live and so clearly... she sounded like an entirely different person XD Hikaru, for the first time actually, could finally shine, as we could HEAR her. She didn’t deliver as good as she probably could have, but still it was a very pretty performance.

Now, we were reaching the spot on their setlist that would differ at each venue. Before the concert, I checked out all setlists from the previous lives to see whether there were any patterns or which songs were most likely to be performed (again). It seemed like they took 4-5 songs and repeated them over the course of the tour, which is why I had my hopes high for “Hikaru furu” or “Kimi no gin no niwa”. But interestingly they chose a song they hadn’t performed yet (please correct if I’m wrong here), which was “Ring your bell”.

“Ring your bell” is very high on my list of all-time disliked Kalafina songs (I just can’t seem to escape that song...). But I was pleasantly surprised to hear that they started the song as an acoustic version, very much like the performance during their Arena Live. It stayed acoustic until after the first chorus, then the band joined too. I like this half-half version over the “normal” version, because it’s an amazing moment when you don’t expect the loud and cheerful opening of “Ring your bell” to suddenly fill the stage. The overall harmony of band and singers came together again and the acoustics were finally so much cleaner and nicer. The audience rose to their feet and even some dedicated dudes on my loser floor stood up to cheer them on. However, Wakana’s final high-pitched “ring your BELL” was incredibly cringy and breathy, one of the main reasons I hate the song so much.

Anyway, Kalafina got their break to change costumes and we got an AMAZING performance by the band that played some BGM of the anime “Kubikiri Cycle”. To this day, I don’t know what exact song they played and for the love of god, please SOMEONE TELL ME. I know it was fairly uptempo and rather dark... help pls XD

So far, the stage production was pretty much boring and simple. Other than some light effects, nothing really happened, we just had that huge curtain as background. Now, we finally got ACTION. Well, at least for the eye. They lifted the curtain and revealed those huge, impressing statues of Kalafina’s silhouettes, mostly made out of their past live outfits. I could have spent a long time checking out every part of this artwork, trying to recognize what dresses from which live they used and what not. Now that I watched the DVD, I know where Kalafina was standing, but at the time I didn’t see them AT ALL. The music played the overture and suddenly Keiko was on stage with the other two following her. To me it looked like they stepped THROUGH the middle silhouette, but turns out they were just standing in front of it - they were so far away, I couldn’t differ between them and the clothes behind them lol

(Photo: Hikaru’s “silhouette” with her outfits)

Well, I think I already gave you my opinion on those new dresses... At the time, both Keiko and Wakana looked kinda cool and pretty shiny, but even though I could see jack shit from so far away, I knew that Hikaru’s outfit was a disappointment. Her fucking pants and skirt or whatever that is... XD

I was incredibly looking forward to “Märchen”, as now it became one of my all-time favorite songs. But back then I was especially amazed by the song during their release event of the single in April. I wanted to hear this live again so badly and well... I did, but it wasn’t as good as the release event. Again, Hikaru sounded tired and Keiko and Wakana were fighting about who could be louder than the band. Keiko drowned out Hikaru most of the time... During the middle section we saw their Kala-dance, which I already got to witness during the release event. However, I was pleased to see that they decided to spice things up by showing background animations. It looked like they danced in sinc with themselves, it was truly impressive and such a refreshing use of video. This, as well as the later “Magia” performance made this concert/tour truly stand out and I am glad that they could take their creativity to a new level. I wish they would have continued to do so much more later on.

So, let’s talk about “Magia”. Holy shit, what a performance. The screen from the very beginning was lowered, intro was played, forest was shown, you know it guys. In sync with their live singing, they showed this fucking amazing pre-recorded bits of Kalafina and as I didn’t see this coming, it absolutely blew my mind. It was a psychedelic wtf show with cinema feeling all over the place and for once, the acoustics were actually good. Especially the instrumental part was... I don’t know what it was, but HOLY. SHIT. Truly guys, it was so cool. If there ever was an interview on that particurly performance I would love to read it to how Kalafina thought about this one and how the creation process went. When Keiko stepped in front of the screen it just added to her overall cool demeanor. When the screen was lifted again, we got a little sneak peak of the microphone stands in back.

(Photo: Keiko’s “silhouette” with her costumes)

Which were of course used for “Kyrie”. The DVD version is truly one of my favorite performances of that song and in Kitakyushu it was pretty cool too, especially with their small but effective arm movements. Keiko’s final long-ass “kyrie” was amazing and fairly unexpected from my side. Also some fat light show and big bass sounds, which I am always appreciating.

Next up was “heavenly blue” and here they tried to interact with the crowd once more. I like this song mostly for the kajiurago bridge and I always focus especially on Wakana’s super high “so na” (or whatever), while Keiko is going low at the same time. Wakana was too loud again though, but by now their overall performance and acoustics improved quite a lot.

“One Light” once again activated the crowd, especially Hikaru went crazy here. The atmosphere was amazing and you could just feel that everyone was fired up, singing along and having fun. Everyone just screamed when Hikaru sang “boku wa yukeru”, so cool.

MC#4 was about band introduction. Konno Hitoshi and Sakurada weren’t present if I remember correctly, which was a shame... but then again, I wouldn’t know the difference lol

The last song of the block was their new single at the time, “Into the world”. It was really beautiful, Hikaru finally sang more clearly. A good performance, very similar to the ones I would see from that point on.

We got a little break again, as Kalafina traditionally fake-ended the concert. While the audience was clapping, it took about 5 minutes or so for them to return. But first, the screen was lowered again, and some text, together with the intro for “Ongaku” finally told us to switch on our 9+ONE Lights. Everyone did so and boy, what a sight! Even from so far in the back, the lights in the dark hall looked so great! While of course hundreds and hundreds of people were present, you don’t really get a sense of that sheer number when you focus on the stage the entire time. I looked around and with so many lights illuminating the hall, you truly get a feeling of how many people actually are here with you.

Kalafina returned with their plain, but nevertheless cool black outfits, wearing the little lights themselves and standing on a mini-stage. The song played out as usual, but this time, as Konno Hitoshi wasn’t present and the other violin guy played his solo different than usual. Don’t ask me how it differed, I really don’t remember, but I liked that version a lot more. We got a new cool background too.

“blaze” pretty much business as usual.

(Photo: Wakana’s “silhouette” with her outfits, sorry for the bad quality)

MC#5 was about Hikaru and her beloved sales corner, where she mainly introduced the Kalafina produced goods like Keiko’s pink dumbbell and her bath salt (I think). She talked about the 9+ONE Lights and that they do not produce new lights for each concert, but re-use them every time. That was supposed to increase to sense of unity and connection between them and the fans as well as among the fans themselves, “carrying the fire of every fan and concert to the next” or something like this. As Kalafina had upcoming concerts in Taiwan and Hong Kong, Hikaru said that they would bring the lights to international fans too, so “don’t take them home!”. Well... I guess my ten years of studying Japanese at this point must have failed me in that particular instance because I truly don’t know what she said or meant. I unfortunately ended up taking the ring home. #guiltybutnotguilty #sue me

I think this is also where they talked about the big silhouettes we have seen in the earlier block and that they used dresses from previous performances to decorate them. They then turned around, facing the wall and imitated the poses of the silhouettes - it was super funny and crowd laughed and cheered. I think they lifted the screen of this stained glass pattern to show the silhouettes for direct comparison. (Correct me if I am wrong, but I think they cut out this conversation from the DVD? Not sure, too lazy to check).

We sadly arrived the final song of the setlist, which again should differ at each venue. What song would it be? I hoped for songs like “sprinter” or “Yume no daichi”, as those were among the songs they had already performed during the tour.

Well, back then, they had announced their new single “Hyakka Ryouran”, but it wasn’t released yet (I think we only knew some bits of the chorus at the time). Funnily, I talked about that with the girls I had met prior to admittance, something like “Hey, wouldn’t it be cool if Kalafina performed Hyakka Ryouran as surprise encore?”. I mean, they were no strangers to performing songs that haven’t been officially released yet, see “Into the World” during the Arena Live. But, you know... I thought that would be unlikely, because why should they?

BUT NOT THEY ACTUALLY DID IT! Keiko was like: “Ah, which song will be the final song... Well, how about our new single?”, and the crowd LOST IT. I lost it too XD Seriously, no one could handle that. Anyway, now that I know the full version by heart, it’s hard to describe how I felt back then. Listening to a song for the first time is always an experience, but it makes it hard to remember when you can’t listen to it again and again. I tried to focus on every aspect of the song, and remember it as being “dark”, due to Keiko’s deep intro, “fast” and “rock-like”, fitting into the samurai setting of the anime with its flute elements. I still couldn’t believe my luck though and afterwards, the crowd cheered and cheered.

Now the concert should have been over, but instead they entered MC#6. They talked about the first sing of the night “Samidare ga sugita koro ni”. Apparently, they pretty much have never performed this one live, except once during a fanclub-only event. For this tour they wanted to sing this song “for everyone”, as it is such a bright and warm piece.

So, for whatever reason, Kalafina decided to perform “Samidare ga sugita koro ni” AGAIN. However, this time they emphazised that bright feeling of connected hearts and unity by making us turn on our One Lights and wave along with the rhythm. Everyone loudly sang with them, especially during the “lalala” part towards the end. It was so much fun to listen to Kalafina, to the audience around me and singing along too, all while watching this amazing light show that we were creating ourselves. It was even better and much more carefree than the first performance. Still can’t believe my luck that of all venues of the 9+ONE tour, I got to attend to most unique one.

After that, the band was introduced again, they all held hands and thanked the audience for coming. But just before they wanted to bow, Wakana suddenly sobbed (so loud that I actually heard it lol), trying to wipe away tears. Being in her home prefecture, I figured she was just so overwhelmed by her emotions. Each of the three said some final words and with that the concert and the domestic 9+ONE tour ended.

I proceeded to take photos of the stage, as we were still able to see the big silhouettes. However, staff members appeared and told everyone to stop taking pictures and get the fuck out, probably to stop people from “spoiling” the concert before the DVD release or copyright or whatever. Well, thankfully I already took like 3 photos and managed to sneakily take another one, in order to have a close shot of each silhouette (which is why the third photo of Wakana’s statue is not a close-up like the other too). I left the building, returned to Fukuoka city and 2 days later back to Kanagawa.

-------------------------------------------------

Despite the sound issues, it was truly a great live experience. 9+ONE would be, along with the 10th Anni, my only “real” Kalafina concert experience, as all the other concerts I attended would either be acoustic or without live band. I am so thankful that I managed to seize the opportunity and attend this live, especially in Wakana’s home. Writing this report again made me remember all those feelings I had back then, now they make me both happy and sad.

Anyway, I hoped you like my updated report!

#kalafina #9+ONE #live #live report #revisited #a bit more details #talk about overdue #fukuoka #never forget

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marbleheavy · 4 years

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Who needs Tinder when you have Romantic Literature

I have decided to start posting some stuff here too, maybe it will motivate me to write more. Anyways, this is moderately fluffy I’d say. It’s a mortal and college AU. Idk how to introduce this tbh, but please enjoy!

(Also, just throwing this out there because this blog is kinda new, I’m down to write requests too!)

Pairing: Solangelo

Word Count: 3,197

Rated: Teen

You can also read this on AO3!

Will knew she was coming before he saw her, he had heard the door slam and the unmistakable rapid steps. Whenever Charlotte had a new development with the boy in her Romantic Literature class, Will was always the first to know. He sighed, already prepared for the impending word vomit he was going to endure.

"Will!" Charlotte shouted.

Will turned around to smile at her. Don't get him wrong, he and Charlotte were friends, they chatted in class all the time, they studied together, they even sometimes went to parties together, but it was all very superficial. Charlotte had never met his boyfriend or any of his truly close friends, and he hadn't met hers. However, that didn't mean he was exempt from listening to her pine.

"Hey Charlotte," Will grinned, "What's up?"

Charlotte plopped down on the stool next to him and let out an exasperated sigh, "I can't handle it anymore, Will."

Will frowned, his eyebrows furrowing, "What?"

"I can't handle him anymore. He is so fucking pretty that I am going to lose my mind!"

"Charlotte, I'm sure that you'll be okay."

"No, you don't get it. Like he's hot, we knew that, but he is also so pretty. Like, Greek God pretty. It's truly unfair. I don't know how to handle myself," she ranted.

Will chuckled, shaking his head, "You know, you could always talk to him."

Charlotte looked appalled at the suggestion, "Oh no, absolutely not. I'm way too afraid, I've been basically stalking him all semester. Plus, there is no way someone that attractive doesn't have a girlfriend."

"Hey, you never know, maybe just test the waters, you could be surprised," Will said, trying to reassure her.

"Yeah, maybe, or maybe I will be rejected and I will have to drop out to save myself from further embarrassment. I will just pine from afar."

"You know, my boyfriend is in that class, I could ask him and see if he knows anything," Will offered.

Charlotte grinned at him, "Really? That would actually be great. By the way, what's your boyf-"

Charlotte was cut off by the professor entering and starting the lesson. Will glanced at Charlotte, but she waived him off, already dropping the question.

--- Will opened the door to their apartment and let out a sigh of relief. It wasn't a particularly difficult day, but Will hadn't slept much the night before. "Sunshine, you home?" Will called out.

Will heard a response from the kitchen, so he dropped his bag on the floor and kicked off his shoes, making his way into their kitchen.

"Hey darling," Will sighed as he walked up and wrapped his arms around Nico's waist, resting his head on his shoulder.

Nico smiled, tipping his head back to Will as he continued to stir whatever he was cooking on the stove. Will pecked his lips, not wanting to distract Nico, his hunger outweighed his desire to properly kiss him, which is a rare occurrence.

Nico hummed, "How was your day?"

"It was fine, I'm just worn out. Charlotte had another development with her Romantic Lit boy, it was all I heard about during our Chem lab. How about you?"

"Good, I only had the one class today so I spent a lot of time in the studio. Got a lot done, I should be ready for my showcase a few weeks in advance," Nico said.

Will grinned, "That's great! I can't wait to see it, I'm sure it will be incredible."

Nico scoffed, "Will, you've seen my stuff before, I wouldn't call it incredible."

"I disagree, you're only saying that because it's your work. I am, as always, a totally unbiased source who just happens to believe that my boyfriend's art is the best in the world, because it is."

Nico smiled, turning the stove off and moving to face Will. He looked at him, and reached for his face, "You're too nice to me."

Will leaned down, his forehead pressing against Nico's, "Oh darling, I can be way nicer."

Okay, so maybe Will wasn't actually that hungry.

---

Fridays were Will's favorite day. His only class of the day was his Chemistry Lab and that wasn't until noon, which meant that he could lay in bed with Nico until at least eleven. Nico had seemed particularly angelic that morning, with his hair splayed across Will's chest as he used him as a pillow. Maybe he was just extra appreciative because of all the discussion about gorgeous boys.

Having to drag himself from bed this morning was harder than normal, and as he sat at the lab table stool, he was still longing for Nico. He had just settled into his spot when Will heard his name from across the classroom and saw Charlotte walking towards their table. He smiled brightly at her and moved his bag to make space.

"Hey, Will! Did you ask your boyfriend about the Romantic Lit guy?"

"What? Oh! Um, no, I'm sorry, I-" Will paused, blushing brightly, "I got distracted. But I will ask after class today and text you."

"Oh, okay. No worries, I was just wondering. The other day, we were discussing Walt Whitman's poetry, and oh my God, he's literally perfect. He is smart and well spoken, and he's so gorgeous. I seriously don't understand how he is allowed to exist on this planet," Charlotte lamented.

Will chuckled, “I understand, I genuinely cannot comprehend how my boyfriend is allowed to look the way that he does. The struggle of incomprehensible beauty is real.”

“Oh, speaking of! I really want to meet that boyfriend of yours, maybe he will tell me more about himself since you spill so little. My roommate and I are hosting a party this Saturday, you should come and bring him!” she exclaimed.

Will grinned widely at her, “Yeah! I just have to double check with him but that sounds great! I need to get him out of the apartment more anyways.”

“Perfect! Anyways, I had a question about the lab, I screwed up my balancing of the equations somewhere, was the product nitrogen oxide or nitrogen dioxide?"

Will and Charlotte worked throughout the class, working hard to finish the post-lab questions and the write-up, neither wanted to have to work on it over the weekend.

As class ended, they quickly collected any notebooks and papers and walked out of class, desperate for a break. As they stepped into the hallway, Will assured Charlotte he would check with his boyfriend about the part and the Lit boy, and Charlotte smiled brightly in response.

Will pushed open the door to the science building open and stepped into the fresh air. Spring was just starting and trees across campus were blooming, but he didn't stop to admire the beauty or appreciate the warmer weather as he walked briskly towards his apartment. He knew that Nico didn't have any classes today and wasn't planning to go to the studio, which meant it was more than likely he was still in bed and Will would be able to climb right back in and pretend he never left.

As he rushed up the stairs to their apartment and jammed his key in the door, he was already shedding off his bag, coat, and shoes. Normally, he is much more organized, but today he left his pile of things on the floor next to the door as he scurried to the bedroom. Just as he suspected, Nico was still curled up in bed, dozing lightly. Will heard a hum as he padded into the room and Nico stretched out towards him, silently reaching out to him. Will grinned and climbed into their bed, pulling Nico close to him. Nico quickly curled into Will's chest and sighed. The wave of peace that washed over Will was unexpected and he quickly fell asleep.

---

Waking up late in the afternoon, either because of a nap or some really extreme sleeping in, has never really been Will's thing but as he felt Nico tighten his grip on him and seemingly climb even more onto Will, he decided it was okay. No matter how they fell asleep, Will always woke up with Nico on top of him, not that he minded. Will stared at his boyfriend's face resting on his chest, studying the curve of his nose and the shape of his lips. It didn't really matter how long they've been together, he never got tired of looking at him. Will didn't notice Nico's eyes open so when he finally made eye contact, he jumped a little. Nico chuckled, pulling his head back slightly to look at Will.

"You're a dork," Nico said.

Will huffed, feigning offense, "I don't know what you're talking about, I'm cool. I'm a cool cat."

Nico smiled, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Will's jaw lightly and mumbling into his neck, "No actual cool person has ever referred to themselves as a 'Cool Cat'."

"Well, there is a first for everything."

Nico sat up slightly, but not really. He was lying on top of Will so he wasn't ever really able to sit, but he shifted so he was straddling Will's hips, leaning down over him.

"How was class?" He asked as he leaned down to slowly kiss up Will's throat.

Will let out a breath, "Good, by the way, my friend Charlotte, I talked about her yesterday? Well, uh, she uh-" he stuttered as Nico began to bite lightly on his throat, "She's in your Romantic Lit class, um, and has a crush on this guy and she asked me, ugh, to ask you, uh, if you knew who he was? She said that he's super hot," Will stopped talking as Nico suddenly froze his movements.

Nico moved his head up to look at Will sharply "I'm clearly trying to get in your pants right now and you want to talk about other hot guys?"

Will grinned sheepishly, "No! No, no, I just, I don't want to forget! But I'll wait, yeah, I'll just wait. It's fine, but please, get in my pants."

Nico smirked at Will's excuse, but clearly he accepted it as he leaned back down to finally kiss Will on the lips properly. Will reciprocated immediately, moving his hands from Nico's thighs to grab his face. He hummed into Nico's mouth, biting lightly at his lips and Nico sighed. Nico's hands were on Will's shoulders to stabilize himself as Will began to kiss and suck along the edge of Nico's jaw.

"Tesoro," Nico moaned, leaning into Will's touch.

Will smiled through his kisses, nipping at his ear lobe and whispering, "Yes, darling?"

Nico groaned in frustration and grabbed at the hem of Will's shirt, tugging it off. Will stopped to look at Nico, his chest rising rapidly with his erratic breathing, his face flushed. Will always thought that Nico was pretty, but this was hard to beat. Nico, annoyed by the lack of kissing, quickly moved to reconnect their lips, tangling his fingers in Will's hair. He kissed Will, the kiss surely bruising their lips as he worked Will's mouth open. Will couldn't get enough of the feeling of Nico on top of him, of the feeling of Nico kissing him, it was overwhelming. Every time they did this, it was like the first time, except this time Will knew that if he put his hands near Nico's neck he would moan and if he traced his fingers along his torso he would sigh. His favorite part though, was when he would suck hickeys into his neck and Nico would whisper his name like it was the most divine word in the world. Will pulled his lips down Nico's throat and started biting lightly at his collarbones and pulse points.

"Will," Nico sighed, and Will smiled, there it was.

Just as Nico started to work his hands towards Will's belt, Nico' phone rang. Will pulled away and sat up, keeping Nico on his lap and watching as he reached over to grab his phone from the bedside table. Nico groaned as he saw the caller, "Will, I'm so sorry, but it's Hazel."

Nico answered the phone, greeting his sister, and Will dropped his head to rest on the crook of Nico's neck, still nibbling lightly.

Nico let out a squeak, pushing Will's head away lightly, "William," he scolded, "Stop that."

Will grinned at Nico, looking at him playfully as he heard Hazel chuckle over the phone. He leaned against the headboard as Nico talked to his sister about his gallery opening. When their conversation was finally done, Nico tossed the phone to the foot of the bed and wrapped his arms behind Will's head, "Now, where were we?"

Will smiled, "Sorry darling, I'm starving."

Nico rolled his eyes but climbed off of Will's lap and stood up, "You're such a cockblock."

Will laughed as he stood up too, "I'd say your sister is, so don't get mad at me."

"I can be mad at you all I want, first you talk about other guys and now you say you're 'too hungry'" Nico joked.

Will shoved his shoulder as he walked into the kitchen and toward the fridge. Nico hopped onto the counter, watching as Will searched for food. Will pulled out some leftover pasta and decided to microwave it, "So, that possible boy in your Romantic Literature class that Charlotte loves, do you know him?"

Nico shrugged, "I mean, maybe, I don't really pay attention to the other people in that class."

"Charlotte said that he was talking during your Walt Whitman discussion the other day," Will added.

Nico frowned, "I don't know, not many people participated that day, it was mostly me."

"Well, that's okay. I mean, I'm sure she will figure it out. Also, how do you feel about going to a party tomorrow night?" Will asked.

Nico nodded, "That's fine, but can we go separately? I was hoping to be in the studio tomorrow, and I don't want to make you wait for me."

"Yeah, of course, but I don't mind waiting for you, darling," Will reassured.

Nico smiled softly as Will walked to stand between his legs against the counter, "I know, but you don't get to go out often, and I'm not sure how long I'll be."

Will bent down and kissed Nico softly, resting his forehead against Nico's, "I love you."

"I love you too, Tesoro."

-----

Will had been at the party for about 30 minutes when he finally saw Charlotte. He waived at her as he walked up, and she grinned at him.

"Will! I'm so glad you came! Where is that boy of yours?" Charlotte exclaimed.

"He's on his way, he had some work to do before he could come. Also, he has no idea who your Romantic Lit boy is, sorry," Will said, shouting slightly so she could hear him over the music.

"That's okay! I'm hoping he will come tonight, we invited a ton of people and I'm hoping word got around to him," she explained.

Will smiled and continued to chat with her, sipping at his drink every so often. He knows in the back of his mind that Nico should be there soon and he should keep an eye out, but he figured it would be fine. Charlotte suddenly grabbed his arm, and grinned wildly at him.

"Will! He's here! I'm so excited, look," she whispered excitedly.

Will turned his head around and searched the crowd, he didn't see anybody who could be her Lit boy, but he did see Nico approaching and smiled at him, their eyes meeting. Will noticed Nico's shirt, it was Will's favorite button up with sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He liked seeing Nico in his clothes, it gave him a rush of pride.

"Will! He's so cute! And the rolled up dress shirt thing is so hot!" Charlotte said.

Will whipped his head toward Charlotte, confusion etched in his features. Suddenly it hit him. Oh. Oh no.

"Oh my God, Charlotte wait, no-" he started.

It was too late, Nico had already made it all the way over to them and he smiled brightly, his stupid, charming smile. Will felt Charlotte drop her grip on his arm and adjust her shirt.

"Hi! I'm so glad you could come!" Charlotte said, her tone shifting to something far more flirty.

Nico seemed a little shocked by her, "Oh, yeah. Hi. Thanks for inviting us."

Charlotte's brows furrowed, "Us?" she started.

"Hey Tesoro, how was your day?" Nico asked Will, grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers.

Charlotte's head flicked between Nico and Will.

Will could feel heat rising in his neck as he looked at Charlotte, "Um, it was good. So Charlotte, this is my boyfriend, Nico. Nico, this is Charlotte."

Charlotte was frozen, staring at Will widely as he panicked, terrified that she would freak out. Instead, she finished the rest of her drink in one gulp and then laughed.

"Oh! Really? That's hilarious! We really do have the exact same type!" She said, giggling.

Will seemed a little shocked, he was unsure if this was real or if she was about to start crying.

"Um, what?" Nico asked.

Will, without taking his eyes off Charlotte who was still laughing, explained "So, you know how I was telling you how Charlotte has a giant crush on a boy in her Romantic Literature that you are also in? Well, that boy is you."

Nico looked quickly at Charlotte, "Oh, um, sorry. You're really nice and smart but I'm super gay and very much dating Will."

Charlotte shook her head, "No, really it's fine! I'm just shocked this miscommunication lasted so long! I'm happy for you! You're gorgeous by the way, like truly, ten out of ten. Will, you caught a great one."

Will was still off balance by Charlotte's reaction and her lack of anger or sadness.

"Are you," Will paused, "okay? Do you want us to leave?"

"God no! Really Will, I'm okay. It was just a crush. And I know how you talk about your boyfriend, I would never try and interfere with that," Charlotte reassured, "But, I'm gonna go get another drink. Please stay, though."

Charlotte walked away and Nico turned towards Will. Will looked down at him and smiled lightly, but he still seemed like a deer caught in headlights. Nico grabbed Will's face, "Are you okay?" Nico asked.

Will nodded, "Yeah, this is all just crazy. I've been listening to her talk about that boy for months and turns out that it's you! I'm just not really sure what to do."

"Well, start by taking a deep breath," Nico said, "And then you can start repeating all the things you said about me to Charlotte that made her just laugh about this."

Will seemed to relax even though his cheeks turned bright red, "Hmm, I don't know. Maybe I won't."

Nico grabbed Will's wrist and sorted dragging him to the nearest closet or bathroom or bedroom, "No sir, you owe me for cockblocking me earlier."

Will laughed, "I didn't cockblock, it was an IOU."

Nico smirked, "Well I'd like to cash that in now please."

#solangelo #will solace #nico di angelo #will x nico #mortal au #college au #solangelo fanfiction #solangelo au #mortal solangelo #pre-med!will solace #writer!nico di angelo #artist!nico di angelo #fluff #solangelo fluff

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pbandjesse · 3 years

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I did not sleep well last night and I was worried it would make today bad but honestly I had another really awesome day. I am so sad that tomorrow is the last day Ill be there until the summer. But also like. It feels good to feel so good at work again.

But like I said. Sleep was bad last night. My back hurt really bad and I tried everything I know. Stretching, laying in the studio, laying on the couch. I just could not feel comfortable and I was super upset. I eventually fell asleep but it was way closer to 2am than I expected.

So when my alarm went off I was very. Unhappy. But I got up and got dressed and honestly I felt good. Or at least good enough. James was kind enough to put air in the car tires so i wouldnt have to worry about it. And I was able to leave a little later today and still get to work before anyone else.

I had a lovely day. It was cool but much less windy and I was much more comfortable. And it was really a great time. I got all the art supplies together, and put that all in the cabins. The kids got there pretty quick and we went up to the cabin before we headed to do some rope things. I am really lucky because this group is just so chill and kind. They have made this week such a great time and I just feel really lucky. They are just all so nice.

When we got to the cabin we had a few minutes so we played a name game and they did a good job. They really "buy in" to the who hokey camp thing and it makes things so much nicer and more fun. And when we did the rope element they all worked so well together to encourage eachother. Just such excellent kids.

We made an obstacle course for their field time. I tidied up the sports shed while the kids got the course ready. I had a lot of fun cleaning that up and when the kids ran their course I timed them and the best time was 38 seconds. It was so fun.

We did lunch and I have to repack my food because I felt sick eating what I packed. I will go figure that out after I finish this up. When the kids were done with lunch I set up art supplies and they made paper collages. They love the idea of doing community projects together so they made a collage as a group. And the ones who wanted to do something else collected large sticks for our shelter building project tomorrow. Its supposed to rain tomorrow so we wanted to get all the wood on the porch so it wouldnt be wet and we could potentially use it for a camp fire.

At some point we ended up talking about art school. And they had so many questions and we started talking about what critique does and how you can lead a conversation to get the info that is helpful. And that lead to talking about contemporary art and sculpture and my feels about museums and labels and it was so cute because they were asking great questions and responding so well. I honestly talked at them for almost a half hour. It was ridiculous and now they just want me to tell them "art stories" all the time.

I also told them that a few years ago at MCAD camp the kids would play a game where they would just ask me to tell them about a topic and I would think of any of the fun facts I have in my mind on any thing they want to know about. So now thats going to be a thing Im sure. So far they have asked about chips and ships. They think it very funny that I have had so many different jobs and done so many different things. It is a very nice ego boost honestly.

Me and Erin let them play in the gaga ball pit for a while. We just laid in the grass and talked for a while. I ended up explaining the entire bronze casting process to her. We talked about art school and games and just college in general. Shes really cool. Im glad we got paired up this week. She had some fun team building games for them to play, like a human knot and this funny one where they all stand on a tarp and have to figure out how to flip the tarp without stepping off of it. So that was very silly.

We ended the day with rock climbing. I had them play a quiet game while they waited. And told them stories of my bike crash and working on the boats. I really like this group of kids. They told me today they hope they can be a group this summer and I really hope that can happen for them because they are all so sweet together. Honestly Im being spoiled with them. Excellent children.

But I was still glad to be done at the end of the day. I got them all to pick up after snack. And then cleaned up before going to the office.

There was some stress at the end of the day when we realized a visitor had done a hit and run on one of the staff's cars. So that was a whole upsetting thing. I hope it can be worked out. But it was time for me to go home.

The drive felt long but it wasnt bad. I got home at 530 and was just really happy to be here.

James was making me pasta because they are great. I was not feeling so great though. My sinuses hurt and my body ached. James held me on the couch for a little while. We had dinner. And I played a few minutes of animal crossing. But I was just tired so Ive been laying in bed since then. I think now I am just going to shower and get in bed. I really really hope I can just sleep tonight. Because tomorrow will be a lot. Because its going to storm. And Im leading the art programs. And like. Its gonna be fine. But also the rain makes me sleepy. So wish me luck.

Also just as a final note. Today is 10 years since I made this blog. So thats exciting! Im not going to make a big to do about it because the actual day to day posts didnt start until August. So its exciting but mostly just a footnote.

But now is time for sleep. Goodnight everyone.

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