#and now my arts been taken but NOT EVEN TO LIKE A SERIOUS SITE

[fdotaku]

An Analysis of Pixiv's Recent Censorship of Femdom Artists

Do you have femdom artists you love? Pixiv is the #1 online platform that Japanese artists use to share their art, sort of like Japan's version of DeviantArt. Even among Western 2D femdom artists, Pixiv's popularity has rapidly increased in the last few years.

This article is my attempt to shed light on Pixiv's policy enforcement changes this year that have targeted a number of artists, which sadly include femdom ones.

If you're a fan of 2D femdom, especially the heavy BDSM variety, it's natural to want to know if some of your favorite artists have been forced to delete or alter their creative works, and why. It's hard to find that info anywhere else, due in large part to the fact that Japanese artists don't always defend themselves as vocally as they have a right to.

Also, just to be clear, I'll say this up-front: the only parts of Pixiv that have been affected are the 3 monetizable parts, Pixiv Fanbox (a Patreon-like site), Booth (an itch.io-like site), and "requests" (i.e. paid commissions). The main Pixiv site where artists can create profiles and share their works for free has been unaffected, and is likely to stay unaffected.

Sorry, this will ultimately be a very lengthy post; if you just want to learn what's up with Pixiv, skip down to the section "Changes at Pixiv in Late 2022" for recent events, or the section after that "2D Artists Later Targeted" for a list of some of the affected artists.

To start, I want to explain the role of international credit card companies in all of this. This controversy ultimately begins and ends with them.

The Specter of the International Credit Card Companies

Two American companies, VISA and MasterCard, have an international near-duopoly when it comes to processing credit card payments. In other words, when a site like Pixiv wants to accept customers' money, one of the most convenient and popular ways to do that is to let them pay with credit cards, but in order to do so, Pixiv needs to make a deal with a bank which in turn has a deal with a payment processing company, and their only real choice is the VISA-Mastercard duopoly if they want to reach a large number of customers, especially internationally.

So what does this duopoly mean? It means that VISA and Mastercard are also responsible for making sure they don't accidentally fund terrorists or other kinds of criminals… Or to put it in terms they understand, they need to make sure they don't accidentally facilitate the payments of someone in a way that results in political fallout. It's not like these 2 companies are omniscient and can prevent anyone from ever processing a payment for a crime, and small controversies will pop up frequently. But if they fail to properly police their partners, especially if they were previously "warned" by an outside entity but failed to take action, and a small controversy becomes a massive controversy, it's not impossible that they could have that status taken from them. Their duopoly only exists through the tacit approval of the United States government, which expects them to do a competent job. For now, there are no serious threats to their duopoly. But in my personal opinion, if they allow 1 or 2 more massive controversies on the level of what happened with Pornhub, they could lose it. These 2 companies could be said to be "responsible" for an unfathomable amount of financial transactions, so they probably don't feel that they can slack off in their relentless efforts to minimize controversy.

Thus, VISA and Mastercard have always been especially harsh on pornography. The vast majority of the commercial porn industry, especially before the web rose in popularity, revolved around real-life actors. So when these companies came up with policies about what kind of "content" was acceptable to sell, they implicitly formulated them with respect to real-life situations. Keep in mind that depictions of sex and violence are outright illegal in many parts of the world, and even safe and consensual BDSM is a crime in most places if the police are prejudiced enough to try to prosecute it. Why wouldn't they want to avoid financial liability for real-life porn that involves depiction of physical abuse, when they obviously have no way to judge whether it's a faked effect (like ketchup instead of blood) or a real act, and BDSM porn is known to depict real acts? And why wouldn't they object to real-life porn that has bestiality or child porn, when that obviously constitutes abuse? In any case, VISA and Mastercard's policies were mostly based in reason and respect for international law. After all, there is still a worldwide market for these materials, and it needs to be taken seriously. In particular, those who trade in depictions of children and animals who are unable to consent, sometimes even the brutal murder of animals, financially support or at least morally support the horrific creation of such material, the existence of which continues to traumatize many victims.

That said, porn isn't just 3D, it's also 2D, and not everyone can recognize the difference between fiction and reality. Perhaps thanks to some well-known classic literature with elements of fetishism such as Venus in Furs, I don't believe there has ever been a criminal prosecution in a Western country for purely written depictions of sexual and physical abuse that equates them with financially supporting the acts they depict. Text-based femdom is subject to the same common sense which tells us that a movie which depicts a brutal murder isn't equivalent to condoning murders. Overall, the written word is treated differently--as connected to the realm of ideas which are by themselves not crimes--than visual material. But the same can't be said for fictional visual material. Because "porn" can sometimes be defined as a reference to depictions that's independent of how those depictions are created, there's a kind of legal theory that treats scratches on a piece of paper as equivalent to photographs of horrific real-life crimes. And there have been scattered cases around the world where people were prosecuted for possession of kinky drawn porn, or even just non-pornographic manga with fan service, under laws intended to clamp down on a criminal industry.

Japan's creative industry has fiercely protected its 2D artists from arbitrary censorship for decades, and even strongly objected to occasional attempts of outside bodies such as UN organizations to pressure Japan to legally enforce censorship of "explicit" content in their domestic manga industry, such as perceived sexualization, groping, or anything that Western sensibilities object to. The Japanese 2D porn scene has its roots in the doujin scene, where people drew their fantasies without holding back (other than adding mosaics/bars over exposed genitals in accordance with Japanese law) and printed them to be sold at twice-a-year conventions. Around the turn of the millennium, that industry took to the web, and not only could people sell and buy physical erotic doujin magazines, they could sell and buy digital-only doujin works on sites like DLsite, and they expanded beyond manga into voice works, CG sets, video games, and so on. While Japan's corporate erotic industries are regulated by various entities, such as EOCS for eroge which requires games be submitted to them for advance approval, DLsite doesn't face quite the same level of restrictions, as works are speedily reviewed by DLsite staff. The popular Japanese artist site Pixiv barely ever regulates its users' erotic art, except to force them to re-upload it with mosaics. That's in contrast with the English-speaking internet, which lacked a central online marketplace for 2D porn until the VN industry pushed Steam to open its doors to erotic games, and even then they ban many games for their content; even when you compare artist sites, DeviantArt censors far more content than Pixiv, as it doesn't allow depictions of male erections, sexual contact or explicit sex acts, or characters who could be interpreted somehow as underage, and has its own volunteer army of Christians and porn haters who try to report as many fetish artists as possible. Well, anyone who's familiar with Japanese otaku culture probably understands that for better or worse, their attitude toward sex is different from that of many Western countries.

The Duopoly's Oppressive Influence on Artists

Patreon was created in 2013. At first, it was relatively censorship-free. I remember that Fenoxo, creator of Corruptions of Champions, was a top-ranked creator; that game included significant amounts of furry, latex, bestiality, futanari, mind control, rape, and of course, corruption fetish content. In truth, porn had never actually been officially allowed on Patreon. But for a while, the company clearly just wasn't sure where to draw the line when it came to how to define sexual content or not, so they left it alone.

However, all that changed in November 2017, when they outright banned a wide range of kinks. The major ones that everyone noticed were rape, incest, bestiality, and underage characters. Guro was also banned. And they interpreted these terms broadly. Some creators fled to SubscribeStar, but SubscribeStar doesn't accept as many types of payment methods as Patreon. Many creators, such as Fenoxo, stayed on by adjusting the content they produced. Half a year later, as a new ban wave swept the platform, Patreon staff confirmed that it was under pressure from payment processors to 'review content'. And then in 2019, Patreon had a major crackdown on hypnosis and mind control kink, because they defined it as a type of rape.

Now, let's look at the Japanese side. Japan was slow to understand Patreon's appeal. Due to Japan's cultural differences, there was some initial resistance to both the crowdfunding and subscription models; many people had a kind of right-wing mindset where they said that creators should just create a product and sell it rather than "beg for money". But that changed in April 2018, when DLsite launched a sister site called Ci-en, pronounced "shien" which means "support/aid". It was a smart move, because many creators already had DLsite accounts to sell their works, so it wasn't hard to expand that to Ci-en and let them set up plans to receive money from fans or just blog about whatever they wanted. A lot of ambitious femdom projects started up around this time, with the S na Kanojo-based game Escalation! among them. With Ci-en's explosion in popularity, two Japanese rivals emerged in a matter of weeks: Fantia and Pixiv's Fanbox.

Fanbox stood out for one clear reason: it's the only site that adopted the Patreon model. Ci-en has both free and paid plans, but treats each month-tier as a kind of purchase, where you unlock all posts at that tier for that month permanently. Fantia has more variety of payments options, but is also more focused around per-month purchases, and lacks a free tier. Fanbox, in contrast, creates a "box" which creators add to periodically, which is completely accessible once you pay for it, for as long as you pay for it, for the tier that you pay for; in other words, it's Japanese Patreon. And as you might expect, it's proven more popular than its rivals.

Just like Patreon, Fanbox also spent a few years relatively censorship-free, its "honeymoon" of sorts. But recently, the international credit card companies have come for Pixiv.

Changes at Pixiv in Late 2022

In mid-November 2022, Pixiv suddenly announced that they would be making changes in December to their Terms of Use to "clarify" what kind of content is not acceptable. They were open about the fact that international credit card companies had pressured them to take action. In fact, they didn't yet reveal what the specific changes would be… this was effectively an announcement about an announcement.

For anyone who had any doubt: Japanese people are far from ignorant about how their views on sex differ from Western countries. In fact, many Japanese people, especially those who appreciate otaku culture or adult content, are aware of and strongly oppose "political correctness" (ポリコレ/porikore) in Western countries. (Most of their impression of it comes from Western cinema, games, and comics, where they feel that these stories are distorted for the worse by the writers' need to adjust story elements, and in particular limit women's cuteness or sexiness.) Japanese people also understand that there's a faction in the West that wants to censor otaku culture. Furthermore, there's an overwhelming consensus among Japanese people that drawings cannot hurt anyone, and should not be criminalized.

And so the Japanese public's response to this announcement was, as expected, one of displeasure. There was a lot of discussion in Twitter about how tyrannical international credit card companies are, and it wasn't the first time such discussions had taken place, as plenty of other Japanese businesses have had disagreements with the international credit card companies in the past over the sale of erotic art. The magazine Bunshun, which is well-known for its investigative journalism, reported on how the credit card companies had been on a hair trigger ever since the Pornhub controversy in late 2020, and that because they recently discovered Fanbox had been used as a front by some Chinese vendors to covertly sell child porn and necrophilia porn hidden within lengthy videos, they were watching to make sure Pixiv came down hard on illegal content and were prepared to even ban Pixiv's entire parent company if Pixiv's actions didn't satisfy them. It wasn't only Mastercard, which is known to be a bit more strict than VISA, but also VISA and JCB (Japan Credit Bureau, an international credit card company based in Japan) who were likely to do so.

Finally, in early December, Pixiv unveiled the changes they would make to their Terms of Use. First, they distinguished between 禁止商品, content that would result in an immediate ban (which includes child porn), and 要修正商品, content that would just result in being designated as private/unmonetized until altered and re-approved by Pixiv (which includes all non-photorealistic drawings). This kind of difference in treatment is obvious, but Pixiv laying it out clearly also probably helped reassure some artists that they wouldn't be treated as criminals by Pixiv just because a "problematic" drawing was detected on their Fanbox, as well as reassure credit card companies that truly evil content would receive more than a slap on the wrist in response. Second, they add separate pages with clarifying examples of what kinds of situations are considered problematic. The key point is that their 要修正商品 page cites "sexual exploitation or sexual abuse of a minor (*1), incest, bestiality, rape (or any other non-consensual sexual behavior), non-consensual mutilation of a person or body part, [and] any other content deemed inappropriate by pixiv". Furthermore, it's clarified that this content is judged by the holistic situation presented by the image, title, tags, caption, and description; therefore, text-based context may matter as much as the art itself.

Up until this point, Pixiv had been vague about what content wasn't allowed on Fanbox and other services which utilized credit cards; they effectively just said you couldn't post "illegal" content. They were probably reluctant to tell Japanese users "look at all the fetishes that Western credit card companies consider 'illegal' to draw!" and just hoped it wouldn't result in a problem. However, as Bunsun reported, they had seen frequent cases over the years where these credit companies refused to settle payments for specific content on their platforms, and now, the credit card companies had taken the initiative to more or less band together and force Pixiv to spell out what they considered problematic in their Terms of Use.

In any case, to those of us who already were aware of what fetishes credit card companies hate most, the list didn't contain any real surprises. The real question was… to what extent would these new rules be enforced? Were they just lip service to the credit card companies who'd held them to the fire, or would they really make sure Pixiv banned every piece of incest fan art they could find on Fanbox?

Many creators held their breath around this time, and prepared to be banned when the changes took effect in mid-December. negisho, a femdom artist who both draws and digitally renders situations with muscular boys who're tied up and beaten by sexy older women, was particularly certain that he'd be censored, since he had the triple-whammy of somewhat photorealistic 3D renders, underage characters, and violence. As it turns out, his Fanbox wasn't censored. But some of his Booth works were, and out of fear, he moved to Fantia anyway. Another femdom artist, makin, creates only 2D art, but a lot of them feature loli characters and incest, so he made them all private in preparation for expected censorship… but when it didn't come, he just un-privated them in mid-January, and they're still up. So for the most part, what people feared didn't happen. However, it's true that a number of artists who produce 3D renders were targeted in a wave of suspensions that unfolded in late December. Still, overall, the impression most people had is that Pixiv's rule changes weren't being enforced strictly, and if they were enforced, it was mostly accounts who produced 3D renders that were targeted, not traditional 2D artists. There was a collective sigh of relief. And I'm sure Pixiv was happy, too, that the controversy had died down.

2D Artists Later Targeted

Unfortunately, the story didn't end there. After an apparent pause of a few months, a number of 2D femdom artists on Pixiv have had their Fanboxes targeted in a new wave of censorship.

To be clear, this is what happens: an artist is suddenly told that their Fanbox has been suspended for problematic content or have a number of their posts set to "private", which won't be visible to the public until they manually correct the problematic posts. In the case of Fanbox suspensions, they're not always told exactly which posts are problematic, so they have to somewhat guess what's problematic and make a large number of changes before applying for re-approval by Pixiv staff. They may also be told they need to remove external links such as ones to Google Drive.

Here are a list of some of affected artists, and what they revealed about the circumstances behind their account's censorship.

Miginohito Mitsuru: In March 2023, several posts set private. Reason suspected by artist: depictions of young male/female characters. Result: moved to Ci-en. (Note: The image used in this blog post is taken from their work.)

Luster Don (commissions both art and adult videos): In April 2023, he reported that he noticed some of his older posts with apparently NG (banned) keywords in their tags had been made private by Pixiv. Result: he reworded the text to not have those NG words, and re-submitted them. In fact, he had already taken the step of moving his photographic content off Fanbox onto other platforms, to preempt the possibility of a mixed fight being judged as 禁止商品 and having his entire Pixiv account banned as a result.

Kia-shi: In May 2023, their Fanbox was suspended. No specific reason/art cited by Pixiv. Reason suspected by artist: oneshota and/or oyoufuku akachan (a male character trapped inside tight clothes worn by a larger female character and pressed against her body). Result: deleted all art with those 2 fetishes, registered for Fantia, and posted that art on Fantia; continually operates both Fantia and Fanbox accounts but posts less art on Fanbox.

Robo Mikan: In May 2023, their Fanbox was suspended. Stated reason: there was a problem with the top page. Result: he changed all the images and tags displayed on the top page, and it was unsuspended. He suspects that loli content was the source of the problem (since he's a lolidom artist) but is unclear about what exactly caused it, so he created a Fantia account too and continues to operate both it and Fanbox.

Uramacoto (femsub focus artist, but lots of yuri femdom): In May 2023, their Fanbox was suspended. Stated reason: problems with their cover image, portfolio, plan cover images, and perhaps other unstated reasons; they'd also previously had a few posts flagged due to the need to revise the text or tags. Result: they changed everything that was designated problematic, but in an effort to avoid further suspensions, they researched what other people advised they do on Twitter/5ch, and in the end, they took the drastic step of censoring all adult terminology in text-based elements of their pasts and future posts (with the ● symbol, such as ア●ルト instead of アダルト): namely titles, tags, captions, and descriptions--they even took the effort to censor terms like bondage, S-onna, netorare, and seme. Note: they didn't censor the actual Japanese text within the images, just the post metadata.

Murasaki Gankyuu Suisou (SM-kei circle with a lot of heavy femdom works): In May 2023, or possibly early June 2023, their Fanbox was suspended. They fixed it in mid-June. No reason provided for why, though MGS does have a lot of violent content; if they had to censor any of it, they would've said so, so perhaps they just reworded some text or thickened some mosaics.

Philia (Korean femdom artist): In September 2023, his Fanbox was suspended. Stated reason: insufficient mosaics, external links to Google Drive. The NTR-themed CG set "Perfect Girlfriend" was also not allowed by them for some reason. Result: He did what Fanbox told him to do, and his Fanbox was restored. "Perfect Girlfriend" was apparently canceled.

My best guess is that around May 19, Pixiv automatically scanned the text-based metadata of the posts of all Fanbox creators for certain keywords associated with the content that they'd explicitly banned the previous December. And for accounts with a significant number of flagged posts, they suspended the accounts and told them they needed to fix this, and once they did so, restored their accounts. It's possible that merely changing the text would've been enough to satisfy Pixiv, but some creators like Kia-shi were more cautious now that they were under a microscope, and chose to delete the offending posts altogether. (In general, they're cautious because Pixiv has warned that repeat offenders may be outright banned.) That said, there are other cases of censorship too, but it's rare to see creators want to discuss it in detail, in part because of the shame/stigma of being told your fetishes are problematic, so in the end, the sample size I've examined is too small and I can't be confident about any of my conclusions.

Conclusions

It doesn't seem that many femdom artists have been affected by Fanbox's censorship… at least, for now. And in most cases, they've been able to make trivial fixes that let them stay on the platform. This is good news. But ultimately, the future is unknown, and the tension between Pixiv and credit card companies will probably remain for a while.

So, who are the villains in this story? Well, the criminals who misused Fanbox as cover to peddle illicit materials, obviously. Aside from them… I don't know. I don't resent any of the fundamental forces that sustain this dynamic which represses freedom of expression in erotic art. In particular, the credit card companies just want to protect themselves legally, and they have every right to be upset when the sites they partner with end up exploited by criminals. At the same time, some of these criminals are very clever, and I don't blame a site like Pixiv for not being able to detect all hidden content within videos sold on Fanbox, any more than I blame YouTube for every copyright notice that's filed against its videos. (Note: It's not like I believe Pixiv couldn't have done any better. But hindsight is always 20/20, and they're clearly putting in a real effort now.)

Villains aside, if I had to pick who else I dislike most, it's the people who embrace the censorship that results from this complex legal dynamic and falsely moralize it. For example, the current Patreon moderation team doesn't just ban certain fetishes, it outright morally condemns them in the warnings it sends to creators: "Per our guidelines, we have zero tolerance for the glorification of sexual violence, and this includes depictions of sexualized minors, non-consensual sex, incest, and bestiality." They actually implicitly accuse these artists, whose fantasies hurt no one, of encouraging violence. Fortunately, most organizations don't feel the same way. Steam famously has a single official policy toward its erotic games: they only ban what's "illegal" (read: they also follow guidelines similar to the credit card companies') or "trolling". Although they've received some flak because their moderation team treats all high school characters (no matter how curvy, no matter what school year, no matter whether they're stated to be 18 or not) as children, they've at least been largely consistent and refused to moralize their judgments; they even apologized for their premature ban of Chaos;Head Noah which led to fan outcry. Meanwhile, Japanese companies not only don't moralize this issue, they resist censorship as best they can. Even Pixiv, which was placed under a lot of pressure last December, has only censored a handful of 2D accounts that essentially verbally self-confessed to the content that credit card companies object to; there are countless femdom creators on Fanbox who I didn't mention, because they haven't encountered any censorship.

What's kind of ironic, actually, is that this past summer, Rium (Msize) started a Fanbox… less than a year after the changes in its Terms of Use caused Fanbox to lose face compared to Ci-en and Fantia. I hope it works out well for him.

Update on January 22, 2024

On January 17, 2024, Pixiv Fanbox enacted a new ban (well, force-hidden) wave, and this one covered a broader set of terms found in tags and titles.

There's been a lot of talk about it on Japanese Twitter. Tweets like this one list examples of all the terms that have been newly declared unacceptable. In short, the terms are all associated with any of 3 categories: non-con, underage, and incest. Previously, the main banned terms had been the ones associated with underage character depictions, and only a small subset of terms had been banned. Now, a broader set of terms has been used, and they expanded into two other categories. So for example, if a Fanbox fetish artist draws erotic art and uses the word "forced" (犯され) in the image's title, it was be force-hidden in the recent wave. And any erotic work tagged with family terms like "older sister" is unacceptable, which would even included, for example, an image of an "older sister" having sex with a complete stranger (just the two of them).

It's worth noting, though, that Fanbox's censorship wave does not instantly ban anyone, it just hides their works by default and forces them to make some kind of "change" before it can be un-hidden. This means that simply removing the offending title/tags, or renaming that with a censor such as レ〇プ instead of レイプ (rape), appears to be enough for their works to be restored. Same as what happened in last May's censorship wave.

Anyway, while a lot of creators are disturbed by what has happened, most of them appear to be sticking with Fanbox. I think the main draw of Fanbox for a lot of creators is that foreign patrons can't access Fantia or SubscribeStar with their credit cards, Patreon censors even harder, and Ci-en's subscription model and features are more limited and awkward.

Side Talk

This post took a while. I had to change my focus and rewrite a large part of it, and yet I still find myself wondering if I rambled on too much about details most people don't care about. I tried to minimize links to Japanese sources, though it's worth noting that if you know Japanese and are interested, the Bunshun article is worth reading. In any case, MGS is the only circle I'm truly excited to see more works from these days, so I hope that they can avoid censorship when they try to publish Femme Fatale on DLsite. They seem to be approaching the point where they can put out a trial version...

Lately, I've been trying to play some of the Western erotic game community's femdom games. It's been interesting. Too many of them are slow-paced VNs, with characters I don't find very likable. I always wish more English language devs would create fun character dynamics like the kind in Crazy GameMaster: The 7 Crystals. I also wish they would just finish their games. Too many of these devs stop developing their main game when they're close to done with it, in order to develop their next game in advance with the hope that they won't lose patrons once they finish their main game. I don't like to play unfinished games, but I rarely have a choice here.

I hope my next post won't take nearly a full year to put out. I have many ideas for posts that excite me more than this post, but I prioritized this post because I felt like the subject matter was more time-sensitive.

#article

[impperimp]

I really wanna make a comic about this world I have in my head but I legit can't write for the life of me. I feel so unsatisfied with my work when I did write. Even with my only fanfic that's a year old now, I can see the love and appreciation I put into that. The scene can replay in my head perfectly like it was some memory I lost a long time ago. But now when I read my newer works it just seems- unpolished. There's no life in it if you know what I mean.

I really want to write about this lesbian couple me and my friend created but I think I've bitten too much than I could chew. I legit went straight into worldbuilding and worked on a concept make for 4 hours with kingdoms n shit just the realize that I could've drawn one myself and taken like as much time as I want💀

I should post them in here but I'm terrified of posting my characters online after watching welcome home become some twisted amalgamation of what it once was. The community fucking tore it apart. I really don't want that happening to my works. Though I still wanna show them off yk!

I'll probably post them when I got some more serious art of them, but until then I'm just going to draw my cat ocs and other characters I haven't shown here yet >:]

(also I've been considering posting my shit to Twitter but I fucking hate that hell site so I reconsidered)

#imprambles #i love having a blog so I can just rant about things and no one will see it or care! #It's actually really nice for interests and stuff #I'm going to have to stop though if people start following me on here

[realpokefarmconfessions]

For the fragile egos who get so bent out of shape and consider one click as “harassment” I would LOVE to see how that report goes

FE: this user is harassing me make them stop!

Mods: that’s a serious accusation, can you elaborate? Was it though PMs? Did they spam your shop(s)? I’ll need more details so we can help you.

FE: they keep one-clicking me! It’s only them! I’ve kept track! It’s been like this for LITERALLY A WHOLE YEAR AT LEAST!

M: ...ma’am you do know this is a clicker website. The point is to click? Doesn’t say how many.

FE: yes but? This is a violation of my boundaries??? This HURTS and ANNOYS me and I want them to STOP!

M: If you’ve asked them to stop contacting you and they continue to do so, then that would be a violation of boundaries and constitute grounds of harassment. Clicking, however, is not harassment. It’s literally the entire point of the game. They can click however they like. See Rule 2, section A: everyone plays how they want to play

FE: see rule 3: harassment: “Harassment also includes any malicious actions taken on site that are demonstrably targeting another player.” I’m telling you I’m being targeted and harassed by this user!!

M: ...I’m closing this report. One clicks are not harassment. There is no malicious intent. That user is allowed to click you only once if they so choose.

FE: but WHY though? WHY are they doing it? They’re TARGETING me! They don’t do it to everyone, just me and a few others! It’s an ATTACK! A TARGETED ATTACK.

M: again, they are allowed to click however they like. They can one click everyone and that’s entirely their choice if want to play that way. If you keep trying to enforce your way of playing onto them, you and I are going to have a problem. I’m locking this now. Good day.

FE: 🥺 b-b-b-But!!!

FE: *goes on another Pokémon site* GOD that user is such a stupid no-good buttface. I hate them and mods won’t help me NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME!! 🥺🥺🥺 @that user why are you so rude? You’ve got to have such a fragile ego to one click me so as not to traumatize yourself, but in doing so you traumatize me!!! Are you happy?? That’s not very “treat others how you want to be treated” of you! Do you even know what you’ve done thou heartless wench? *has an idea* Oh my god. You know what? You don’t deserve the respectable you, you’ll only be referred to as thou from now on because thou art annoying scum! I’m so clever! Anyway, yeah. But I’m so much better than thou, I’m so much better than the majority of you, I’m a dainty little princess of purity and goodness and I’m not going to retailiate and stoop down to your filthy disgusting levels uwu because I’m better and I know it ^_^ I’m nicer and infinitely more mature and I know it /)^3^(\ I’m a good person who helps everyone I can and you’re an ugly old wart on a witch’s face whose about to fall off and rot in the ground *purrrrrrrrr* I’m better than you and no one can take that away from me! *flops on Daddy’s lap like Annie slamming the paper onto Paul’s broken legs* I’m pwecious :3

Anyway one time I had someone PM me because they thought my one-clicking them was harassment. And because there was proof of contact I hit them with a DNC and that was the end of that.

The funny (sad?) thing is keeping track for a whole year is a longass time. If you’re (general you) online enough to keep track of who’s clicking you every single day, then you’re online enough to play the game and one-click them back, you know? Who cares? Let it go. But instead you want to look like the bigger person so you don’t, and instead you let the rage build and then explode and bitch about it elsewhere? Bro? You okay bro?

Tbf if someone one clicks me idc. I noticed someone recently started one-clicking me and guess what? I one click them back and I don’t think about them beyond that. I see their name, I give them their click, I move the fuck on because I have eggs to hatch, mons to level, posts to make, things to do! Who gives a fuck I only got a single click? Jesus fucking Christ someone needs to go out and touch some damn grass lmfao

Hollering 😭

#pfq #pokefarm q #pokefarm #pokefarm tea #pokefarm drama #pfq drama

[buntsbetterthanyou]

Quick Update for my Page!

First, this is just a quick post about the changes I want to make to this page and generally the future of my art as it may be a while sense I post again!

I wanted to post this as a thanks to everyone who’s been supporting and following me on my page; I’ve reached officially 240+ Likes and 60+ Reblogs!! This is a crazy mark for me so far as I never really expected this much attention with my art, and it makes me happy all of you love my creations.

I’ve went on a long journey as an artist and have been on social media a couple of times (just generally on different platforms, which my art DEFINITELY changed by then.) And now that I’ve got this page, I might as well keep it sense I finally feel I got to the place I’ve wanted to be at as an artist.

As to say, I want to make some changes to my page in regards that I will be staying on more now.

I’m going to be posting more frequently now as I’ve taken posting my art as a more serious thing; generally because I also want to do commissions and such. I’d figure to have a more serious social media presence will help me with my future as well and to show my stuff that I find cool!!

Such as with posting, ironically, it may take longer spans now to post as I want to spend more time on my art and generally put out some of my more interesting ideas. As I have felt before that I have rushed a few pieces just to simply get attention going; when the attention on my page is not my main interest. I would rather make things that make me and everyone else happy then farm simple ideas that don’t make me happy, basically.

Another thing is that I’m thinking of creating AMV’S or PMV’S, as 90% of my ideas are for animatics and such. I want to broaden to new horizons as well within the BBIEAL fandom, mainly by expanding to Twitter and YouTube as I feel more of my ideas can be posted on different sites rather than one. Of course other things will be posted the just BBIEAL stuff as well, but rn I’m fine with mostly doing stuff of the fandom I’m in. I already have a YouTube channel set up to post these things once their created as I have many ideas already on what I want to create and what audience fits for my content (this will be linked in the pinned comment once something is hopefully posted)

Of course this isn’t guaranteed and things might change as I get older and so does this page, but that’s for the future to decide!

And thank you all again for the support so far! This is a lot for me and I hope my art keeps making people happy, and one day that I could even be a successful artist.

Ya’ll are awesome!!

[aceloha]

Good morning I woke up to hear for the first time (to my knowledge) my art was reposted onto Pinterest 🥳🥳🥳

#HSIDNDJRNFK I just think this is funny OK #like the only thing I’ve had stolen was my memes and it was to Twitter most of the time #and now my arts been taken but NOT EVEN TO LIKE A SERIOUS SITE #HIDIFJDINDID LINDA GO LOOK AT MY ART WHILE U LOOK UP POTATO SALAD RECIPES SKDNDODNDKDMOD #chill session with bee

[fu-yao]

plagiarizing of tian guan ci fu

okay, so i just got back to my twitter timeline after binging new amsterdam for a while to find it entirely on fire because someone out there plagiarized the entirety of tian guan ci fu and claimed it as their own work. unfortunately i am not kidding and they seem to be profiting off of it as well so this is a serious issue.

i will try to make a post containing all the information i’ve gathered from my twitter timeline so far, and i will try my best to put it in chronological order.

someone is claiming they wrote a novel called “the third ascension” and is claiming it is their own work. i’ve included a screenshot of the synopsis of the novel which is very obviously just a copy paste from tian guan ci fu’s synopsis. the character names have been altered to xue yuan (xie lian) and zu cheng (hua cheng). as far as i know, no other character names in “the third ascension” have been altered.

apparently it all started with the account below (@/seowu.drawws on instagram), which has now been deactivated / privated. someone noticed they posted about a novel a friend of theirs wrote and that they drew the art for and found the undeniable similarities with tian guan ci fu.

here are two of their posts some of my mutuals screenshotted before the account was privated / deactivated;

as you can see in both these screenshots this person is stealing starember’s artworks and claiming them as their own. on both artworks starember’s weibo watermark has been cropped and the reposter put their own watermark on top of the image, which is just absurd.

below is a screenshot of their discord server, where the artist friend of the author yet again claims starember’s work as their own;

the author of “the third ascension” themself had an instagram account under the username @/nabzie but it has been deactivated, as well as their twitter account which was @/vinchenzoq. they had a wix site (nabihapriyoty) where they posted the chapters but as far as i know that link is broken as well. there was also a carrd under the url pipsnovels but it has been deleted as well. i am not aware of any other social media they might have. i am also not sure if the artist friend and the author are two different people, or the same person operating under two different names.

here is a screenshot of the author’s instagram (@/nabzie) before it was taken down. as you can see they claim to have written “the third ascension” in nineteen months and they extend their thanks to their artist friend sophie (@/seowu.drawws).

(as it appears they also wrote reviews for their own novel, giving it a constant of four to five star reviews. this is however just an assumption, but it seems unlikely to me that so many different people wrote these reviews and not one of them pointed out the similarities to tian guan ci fu.)

below is a screenshot from the author’s instagram story, in which they yet again claim to be the original author of their plagiarization of tian guan ci fu. as you can see the only names that have been changed are xie lian’s (xue yuan) and hua cheng’s (zu cheng), scanning through this will show the names pei ming, e’ming, ming’guang and fang xin, which are all names mo xiang tong xiu herself used in tian guan ci fu.

to make it even worse, not only did this person copy the entirety of tian guan ci fu and changed some character names (+ made hualian a heterosexual couple) but it also appears they have printed physical copies of “the third ascension” and are selling it online. in short, they are making profit off of a novel they did not write. proof in the screenshots below.

it is downright ridiculous that this person thought they could copy paste one of the fan translations of tian guan ci fu (as they most likely don’t speak chinese), edit some names here and there, and then publish it as their “own novel” without thinking anyone would notice.

the sites i know “the third ascension” has been published on for sale are;

rakuten (has been pulled after review from rakuten staff, as seen in the screenshot below)

fnac france (hasn’t been taken down yet, here is the link please help us in taking it down by reporting it)

that is all i have gathered from my twitter timeline so far. i’ll link the threads i saw on twitter down below as well. please please please spread this as much as you can because it’s just plain ridiculous. this person needs to know that they cannot get away with this.

twitter threads;

@/cataetherr’s thread

@/dianxiasgf’s thread

@/wwxwashere’s thread

#tian guan ci fu #tgcf #hob #heaven official's blessing #please please please spread this #i'm in shock actually #imagine plagiarizing an entire novel and thinking you'd get away with it????

[littleststarfighter]

Much love

Hi again.

I’ve taken a long time to have a good long hard think about my blog's future and I want to say I won’t be deleting. It’s honestly reading everyone's replies and realising how much my work meant to you all. I feel it would be cruel to just delete in the light of so many people who love it. I’ve spent this morning reading every one of your messages and bawling. Good tears though as I honestly had no idea that not only was I missed but how much my drawings have inspired other artists, writers or just made peoples days brighter. Who the hell can delete in the face of that? I certainly can’t.

So, I’m going to stay but make a few changes. I will delete everything BUT my art. Kinda keep it, but clean out my blog. So of course if there is anything that isnt my art you’d like to keep I’ll give you all a few more days for that. I’m also going to change my name, not sure what to yet, but I would like it as a new beginning. I also have to sadly say I'm no longer in the Kylux fandom. I love it still, I always will love Star Wars, but I’ve moved on to other things. It’s been a great few years in that fandom though. Got to meet some great people and have fun. The things I’m into now are heavily 80’s and 90’s themed. I'm reliving my youth I guess LOL Things I like fandom wise are Stranger Things, Lost Boys and New Mutants and Generation X of the X-men comics. Jonothan Starsmore is my mutant crush. Plus, I’m massively into my old 80’s/90’s bands of yore, so expect some Duran Duran, The Cure, Guns N Roses, New Romantics, Brit Pop, Hair Metal, Nu Punk ect. I have a few old Kylux drawings that I only posted on my Redbubble so I’ll share them here . But when I do post I’ll probably be sharing things from those other fandoms. Just wanted to say so in case you want to unfollow me or something if they're not your cup of tea. I’ve actually drawn somethings these past weeks because I was so happy to hear from you all. 

I want to reply to everyone individually, but so many people have got in touch it’s hard. So to everyone that messaged me thank you for the bottom of my heart. I know replying like this is rubbish, I should reply to everyone individually and I’ll try to get some answered. But I've read everyone's messages and it’s like I’ve reconnected with old friends and can see new ones there too. I didn’t feel so alone. So really I can't thank you enough for your kindness. I thought I’d burned so many bridges but they're still there.

To the guys who asked if I would publish a book of my Kylux art. I don’t know. That’s not to say I may not in the future. But I honestly haven't the slightest idea of how to go about that. It’s a cool idea, but I’ve never done anything like that before. So I don't know...yet. Oh and to everyone who bought things from my Redbubble site serious thank you

Thank you once again for your kindness and support. I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you guys have done and said. I could hug you all.

Luv and many hugs, Lucy

[writing-in-april]

Manicured

Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader

Summary: Spencer finally lets Reader do his nails.

A/N: Another short cute fic here for my twenty-sixth fic for my 30 fics in 30 days for April!! I wanted to make it short but sweet- it’s based on this request (this is not my first fic with Spencer with painted nails- check out on my MGG masterlist Painted Nails if you are over 18) Side note someone recently stole my work- please do not upload anything of mine to another site without my permission. Feel free to leave an ask in my inbox here (I promise I don’t bite) Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Nothing 🥰

Main Masterlist Word Count: 1.2k

It wasn’t often that Spencer and I had a day to ourselves, even an hour sometimes felt like a rare occurrence. Today, there was no case, no bad guys to be chasing, and there was even no paperwork to be completed. You were sat on the bed peacefully with Spencer, not daring to point that out out loud as it would obviously jinx it.

“Can I paint your nails?” You absentmindedly asked while fiddling with Spencer’s fingers in your grasp. You didn’t expect a response right away, or any at all as you had been asking to paint his nails for a while. Everytime he always said no, maybe later. So, you kept asking until he said yes.

Today seemed like a random day for him to finally agree, but Spencer tended to get you by surprise often. You almost bolted up in surprise when he simply replied, “Yes.”

Now you were sitting across from him, his hand in yours and a towel placed underneath to collect any spills. Eagerly you started immediately, already having the perfect design in mind for him. Using the brush to swipe over his nails, you then coated his nail in purple colored polish. It was his first experience having polish on his fingers.

Naturally he was intrigued staring down at you intently with his tongue slightly peeking out from his lips, like he was putting all his effort into analyzing exactly what you were doing. Just as you finished that finger he said, “This is so fascinating, you have such control over the brush.”

That had made you burst out into a fit of giggles, his tone making manicuring nails sound like the most serious thing in the world. “Practice makes perfect.” Was all you could manage to say as you tried to hold back your laughs and continue your job.

Eventually you finished his first hand, it already looked like a masterpiece to you, accentuating Spencer’s features in a striking way. He of course continued to stare down at them like he was trying to somehow see each molecule of the polish and understand how it dried on the nail so perfectly.

“I don’t think you’ll figure out all there is to know about nail polish yet by staring at it.” You said as you moved to his thumb on his left hand while he looked at his finished right.

“No, I’ll need to read some books for that.” He replied while his focus was still completely on the nails that were covered in shiny lacquer. Until he then looked up to ask you with eager eyes, “Do you have any books on it?”

“No, I don’t Spencer- I’m not a nail tech.” You laughed out once again, but found it very endearing that he thought you might have some.

“We’ll have to go to the library for that then.” Some people would say the internet would be the best bet to learn about this, Spencer always learned best by books however, and despised all technology for the most part. You then finished up with the design on his pointer finger, immediately going to the next to repeat the design on a new nail.

It was a call, of course from Spencer’s work phone, suddenly interrupted your progress on his nails. You hoped it wasn’t another case you’d both get whisked away on. He picked up the phone with his right hand, which was already completed, but still drying. Carefully with extreme precision, he answered the call and brought it up to his ear, making sure he didn’t smudge any of your hard work.

“Hello- this is Dr. Spencer Reid.” His voice had switched into his purely professional mode, while you continued to add the finishing touches to the matching design. You did make an effort to speed up the process in case he had to up and leave, though you did wish you could’ve taken your time like with his opposite hand.

“Hey- kid check who’s calling before you answer. It’s me, we have a case.” You could faintly hear Morgan’s voice come through the phone and you had to fight a groan when you heard the end of his sentence. Seems like you both were already jinxed.

“Y-yeah, ok Morgan we’ll be there in about 20.” He was now squinting down at his watch, hunched over you almost hitting your head in the process while you tried to finish up the last nail.

As soon as he hung up you were just about finished with the last little bit of your design that was a range of Spencer’s favorite color purple with some dashes of black and grey. It would certainly match most of his work clothes he normally wore, you hoped he’d keep the polish on.

“Done!” You shouted triumphantly at the last swipe of clear polish, sealing in your art. When he peered down at the finished hand curiously another pang of worry that he’d want to immediately wipe it off shot through you. “Are you- going to keep it on for work?”

He looked at you incredulously, and then completely squashed your worries with his sweet words, “Of course I’ll wear it to work, it’s perfect and- you did this for me.”

—

“Reid- what is on your nails?” Morgan clocked them as soon as Spencer entered the bullpen with you. He had walked in with pride, not necessarily flaunting them, but certainly not hiding them. And, when Morgan pointed them out he jutted out his fingers in pride, showing off the pretty polish that had by now dried. Though it had been a challenge for him to get all his clothes on, he didn’t end up getting them smudged thanks to you.

“It’s nail polish? Have you never seen it before Morgan?” Spencer quipped at him which seemed to have taken Morgan by surprise as his eyebrows raised up high.

Any answer Morgan could give to him was swallowed up by the giddy voice of none other than Penelope Garcia, “Oh. My. Gosh. Spencer got his nails painted!”

“Y-yes I did!” He withered a bit under the attention as he was not used to it. He bounced back quickly when he realized she wasn’t going to make fun of him.

“Where did you get them done they’re amazing?” Penelope was now holding up Spencer’s hand, and the congregation grew as more members of the team arrived to get a look at his nails. Little did everyone know who was the real artist that did them, and Spencer was happy to correct her with the real answer.

“Actually, Y/N did them.” Penelope almost immediately shifted her focus back on you bombarding you with questions on your technique. Spencer happily played a hand model, which you swore could be a career for him in an alternate universe, while you explained everything to the people around you. It was mainly Penelope who was interested, but Emily and JJ really seemed to like your color choice for Spencer saying it was ‘his color’. Even Morgan peered over inquisitively a few times, mainly when your voice jumped higher because of excitement.

“What are you all doing?”

“Looking at Spencer’s nails, Sir. Y/N did them!”

“Are you sure that’s a very professional look, Spencer?” Hitch’s hard face was difficult to read as always, you couldn’t tell if he was about to demand he take it off right away or not. He hadn’t seemed to mind when you came in with nail art on, or Penelope, you hoped this would be no different. When his lips that were almost always pressed into a thin line turned upwards you were taken aback, and even more so at what he said next, “Looks good- you’re really getting better at your manicuring skills.”

Ask Me Anything

—-

Tag lists (fill out this form to join):

Strike through means tumblr won’t let me tag you- check your privacy settings

All Works: @shotarosleftpinky @oreogutz @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar @spenxerslut @boxofsparklingmuses @multixfandomwriter @takeyourleap-of-faith

All MGG characters: @muffin-cup @willowrose99 @princesssmooshie @peterpanouat @anaagraceeberr @ashcakes1918 @reid-me-a-story @cosmic-psychickitty

Spencer Reid/CM: @calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes @onlyhereforthefanfics @jareauswifey @princesssmooshie @peterpanouat

#spencer Reid fluff #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds x reader #mgg x reader #matthew gray gubler fluff #criminal minds #matthew gray gubler #mgg #matthew gray gubler x reader #30 fics in 30 days

[mosswillow]

Your room (Dark!Peter Parker x Reader)

Word count 3.3k

!!!!! This is dark! And explicit 18+ only !!!!!

Warnings: Noncon/Dubcon, oral (female receiving), spankings, punishment, kidnapping, Stockholm syndrome, unprotected sex, smut, vaginal intercourse.

Summery: Your life is bland and boring but not for long. What happens when you catch the eye of a certain super hero?

Your room has always reflected you as a person. In highschool you haphazardly filled the walls with quotes and posters. Your room was messy in the typical way teenagers rooms tend to be, but also like a typical teenager was filled with feeling and hope. In college you filled your space with pictures of you and your friends taken on a polaroid camera. Everywhere you looked had your life staring back at you. Now as an adult the pictures from college are tucked away in a box. Your room is simple and boring. Most people think of you as minimalist but you don’t do it to be trendy, you just have no passion. You’ve spent the years after graduating college working a job you hate in a lab, running the same tests over and over again. You’ve always wanted to be a scientist, working on something new and exciting. You’ve applied everywhere but you rarely even get an interview. Your dreams, unfortunately, will never happen for you. Sometimes you wish for someone to swoop in and take you for your bland life but you know that will never happen. Watching your friends get dream jobs and buy homes while you waste away has crushed your spirit. You’re tired.

---

“Hey Y/N, we’re going out tonight.”

“I don’t know…”

“Come on, you never come with us.”

“Ok sure.”

Your coworker is right that you never go out anymore and so several hours later you walk into a bar, grabbing a drink and finding your coworkers. The bar is bustling with activity and you lose track of time. You usually curl up in bed with a book on a friday night but you’re glad you came. You used to go out all the time in college and miss being social. Going out is good for your mental health and you decide to make more of a point to spend time with people.

You say goodbye to your still partying co-workers and head home a little past midnight. You start your walk and cut through an alleyway, wanting to get home before you vomit from the alcohol.

“Hey sweetheart. What are you doing all alone out here?”

A large man steps out of the shadows and walks toward you. You ignore him, keeping your eyes focused ahead and pick up the pace.

“Oi, I’m talkin’ to you,” He lunges forward and grabs your arm.

“Let me go.” You try to walk away but he holds onto you still, pushing you against the wall and landing a bruising kiss on your lips. His breath smells rancid and you feel bile rise in your throat. You cry out for help and the man is suddenly pulled away from you. You watch with disbelief as Spider man throws the stranger against the opposing wall.

“She said to go away buddy.”

The man slowly stands up and runs away. Spider Man shoots a web at the running stranger and he falls over, immobilized.

“You ok?” Spider Man turns to you, cocking his head.

“Yes, thank you Spider Man.”

“I’ll come check on you tomorrow”

You watch spider man pick up the stranger like he’s nothing and swing away. You walk the rest of the way home and lie in bed, unable to fall asleep. The next morning there’s a tap on your window and you look out to see Spider Man on your fire escape. You briefly wonder how he knows where you live but quickly brush off the thought and open your window.

“You sure you’re ok?” He steps towards you, looking you over.

“Just a little shaken up.”

He walks to your kitchen, filling a glass of water and handing it to you.

“This is too much, really I’m fine. You already saved me.”

“Drink the water,” He commands.

You sigh and drink it.

“That’s a good girl. Now get back to bed.”

You set the glass down and stare at the stranger you let in your home. Alarm bells start ringing.

“I’d like you to leave.”

“I’ll leave once I know you’re doing as you're told.”

Your heart beats rapidly and you take a step back.

“I appreciate that you saved me and came to make sure that I’m fine but I’m now asking you to please go.”

Spider man crosses his arms.

“I’ll call the cops” you say.

“And say what?”

“That there’s an intruder.”

Spider man sighs and walks to your window, standing at it.

“Get in bed and I’ll go.”

You walk to your bed and get under the covers.

“Good girl. I’ll be back to check on you later.”

As soon as he’s through the window you jump out of bed and lock every door and window, double checking your work. You get back in bed and let out a sigh of relief, finally able to sleep.

You wake up to tapping on your window. Spiderman is back. You make your way to the window but don’t open it.

“Let me in.”

“I don’t feel comfortable with you in here.”

Spider Man shakes his head and leaves without a word.

The next few weeks are filled with anxiety. You see flashes of red in your peripheral vision everywhere you go. Spider man is stalking you. You consider telling police but don’t think they’ll believe you. It sounds crazy, even to you. If it weren't for the bruises from the assault in the alleyway you would think you had imagined the whole thing. You stop leaving your apartment unless necessary and never go out after dark.

You get a voicemail one day.

“HI, this is Rebecca Johnson from Stark Industries. We’re looking for someone to fill a position in one of our labs. You had submitted an application previously and we wanted to reach out and see if you’d like to interview for the position. Please call back at your earliest convenience.

You squeal in delight, doing a celebratory fist pump. Stark industries is a dream job. You immediately hit redial and set up the interview. This would change everything. Just one year working at Stark would open up endless possibilities for you and that’s if you ever want to leave. You could afford a nicer apartment with more security. Maybe you will finally feel safe. You remind yourself that it’s just an interview and you shouldn’t get ahead of yourself.

---

You look up at the tower and take a deep breath. It’s intimidating, going for an interview at Stark tower. It’s been so long since you’ve interviewed anywhere let alone somewhere so big. You tug at your blouse, second guessing your outfit, maybe you should have worn something different. It’s too late to go back home and change. You walk in, mustering up all the courage you can and talk to the woman at the front desk.

“Hi, I’m here for an interview. Y/N Y/L/N”

“Oh yes, they’re expecting you. Here’s a temporary badge. Go to the 80th floor and take a seat.”

You take the badge and follow the instructions. You’re surprised to find yourself in what looks like private quarters. There’s a small couch near the elevator and you sit and wait.

Tony Stark himself appears in front of you and your mouth flies open. You stand quickly and hold your hand out.

“Mr. Stark, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Tony looks you up and down, clicking his tongue.

“Likewise, follow.”

You half walk, half run behind him, getting in the elevator and taking it down a floor. You arrive at a state of the art lab and workshop and Tony leads you to a desk.

“The whole workshop will be open to you. This is your desk.”

He starts walking again and you keep following him back to the elevator and to another floor.

“Here’s where you’ll live. I’ll leave you with the contract and you can call my assistant if you have any questions.”

He hands you a tablet and walks out.

You look around the room dumbfounded. You thought you were just here for an interview. You guess this means you got the job. You swipe through the contract and your eyes widen at your salary. There are a few things that make you uncomfortable though. You’re required to live on site and there’s a curfew. You have to sign a NDA about anything you see in the tower. You also can’t decide to quit without permission, which you’re not sure is even legal. You call the number to Tony’s assistant.

“This is Rebecca.”

“Hi, this is Y/N. I’m looking through this contract and it says I have to live on site and there’s a curfew?”

“Yes. That is non negotiable. Living on site will give you access to the workshop 24/7. There will be times when you will work through the night. The curfew is for security as the tower is locked down every night.”

You would rather have your own place where you can come and go as you please but you’re willing to live here if you have to and the reason for a curfew makes sense. The tower has top of the line security, which is something that’s really important to you. You don’t usually go out late anyway and if you do decide to be out late you can crash at a friends house or get a hotel room.

“And the avengers? Will I have to work closely with them?”

“You might meet them or see them at some point but most likely not.”

“I know this sounds weird but I don’t want Spider man to know I’m working here.”

“Mums the word.”

“What exactly will the job entail? I see there’s a NDA.”

“You’ll be an assistant in Tony Stark's personal workshop and will work closely with him. He appreciates privacy.”

“I see, and the part where I’m not allowed to quit?”

“He just wants to make sure you’re serious. Tony picks his assistants personally and requires loyalty.”

“Ok, thank you.”

You hang up and sign the screen. When you open the door there's a man standing outside. He’s not a tall man, standing a few inches taller than you. However, he is muscular and something about him commands attention. You feel an immediate pull towards him.

“Oh, hi I’m Peter Parker.” He holds out his hand.

“I’m Y/N”

“I also work with Tony and live right next to you. I’ll be your direct boss.”

“It’s nice to meet you Mr. Parker.”

“Peter is fine. I won’t keep you any longer, I just wanted to introduce myself.”

You immediately get to work rearranging your life. By the end of the weekend you’re completely moved into your new place and on monday you start your first day on the job. It’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of, full of state of the art technology and free reign to do whatever you want. You walk into work every day with a smile.

You work alone most of the time, Tony and Peter working awkward, sporadic hours but you enjoy it when you do get to work with them. Tony is funny and brilliant, you learn more from him than from any college class. Peter is smart and sweet. He helps you with your work and makes sure you’re always taken care of, sending you back to your room if you’ve been working too long or making you take breaks to eat. You find yourself starting to develop feelings for Peter and your heart swells when he asks you on a date. Life is good and only getting better.

You meet Peter outside of your door and he takes your hand. The two of you walk to a little italian restaurant and Peter takes your menu, ordering your food for you. It’s very forward for a first date but you like the confidence. After dinner he walks you back to your door and kisses you. You see something in his eyes when he pulls away, possessive and dark. It makes you feel uncomfortable but also excited. Nobody has ever looked at you like that.

Over the next few weeks Peter becomes more and more comfortable around you, becoming more physical. It’s small things, like pushing your hair back when talking or touching you gently as he walks past. He asks you out again, this time wanting to cook you dinner and you decline, suggesting a coffee date instead. You don’t feel comfortable enough with him to be alone in his room. He clenches his jaw when you tell him, obviously upset you won’t come over but agrees.

A few days later you decide to go out with some old friends and crash on one of their couches. When you get home the next day Peter is standing outside your door.

“You missed curfew.”

“I know, I went out with friends and crashed on one of their couches.”

Peter clenches his jaw.

“Don’t let it happen again.”

“It shouldn't matter if I want to stay the night somewhere else.”

“Well it does.”

You roll your eyes and unlock your door quickly, locking it behind you. The two of you have only been on one date. His behavior is a red flag and you decide to take things slowly.

The next day you decide to go out for coffee, pulling on a simple tee shirt dress and some flip flops. The elevator won’t let you down.

“Your privileges have been revoked.” Peter says from behind you.

You jump. “Why?”

“You know why.”

He stalks toward you, pushing you up against the elevator.

“I don’t feel comfortable with this Peter. You need to back away from me now.”

Peter takes a step back.

“I’m sorry but right now I don’t want any sort of relationship outside of work.”

“That’s not going to work for me.”

Something in Peter's eyes terrifies you. You need to get out of here. You try the elevator again but it still won’t open.

“I quit.” you yell at the elevator, feeling more danger every second you’re stuck in the hallway with Peter.

“You can’t quit baby.”

“There’s no way it’s legal to force me to keep working even if it’s in the contract.”

“There’s nowhere to go. You’re not getting out of this building and even if you did you’d have to find a lawyer to take your case.”

“You can’t do this, I'll tell Tony.”

“Who do you think suggested this in the first place? Most of the Avengers have gotten their partners this way. I was waiting for the right person and I knew you were them the moment I saw you.”

“Why would Tony help you trap me here? You’re just a lab assistant.”

“Oh no honey, I’m much more than that.”

He steps toward you, caging you in.

“You think it’s a coincidence I saved you in that alleyway?”

“Spider man?”

Peter gives a grin. He leans in and smells your hair.

“No.”

“I’m sorry it’s happening this way, I wanted to break you down slower. You’ll have a really good life, we’ll live together and work together. You’ll have everything you could need or want.”

“I want to leave.”

“You’ll change your mind, you just need a little motivation.”

Peter pulls you to his room and opens the door, pushing you into his apartment. You try to run but he easily catches you, picking you up and throwing you on his bed.

“Why are you doing this? Why me?” you scrabble to the far side of the bed.

“You’re mine.”

Peter's phone rings and he picks it up.

“Hey, yes I did... I know It wasn’t the plan, I had to improvise… Ok, see you in a few weeks.”

He hangs up and gets on top of you. you spit in his face.

“I’m not yours freak. Let me go.”

“You won’t be allowed to act like that moving forward. Now lie still.”

“Get off of me.”

Peter gets off briefly, flipping you over his lap and pulling up your skirt. He lands a smack on your bottom.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to do this. You’ve been so bad baby.

“Not letting me in your apartment.”

Smack.

“Telling Rebecca you didn’t want me to you started working here.”

Smack

“Staying out all night.”

Smack.

“Shutting the door in my face.”

Smack.

“I liked you Peter, If you had just acted like a normal person we could have continued a relationship.” You say through tears.

“I don’t want a relationship, I want to own you.”

He lands another blow on your bottom and grabs your underwear, pulling them down and off of you. You try to wiggle away but he’s so strong and easily holds you down with one arm. He moves his hand between your legs and towards your sex, pushing a finger in and out.

“You’re wet for me.” He says smugly.

You close your eyes and turn your head away. You’ve stopped resisting and he lets go.

“There you go.”

He kisses your neck and cheek then grabs your chin moving your face and kissing you gently, pushing his tongue into your mouth. He pulls back and you hear him unbuttons his pants, pulling them down. You open your eyes and move away from him, pushing your back against the headboard. You watch as he holds his erection, slowly moving his hand up and down. He moves towards you and grabs your ankle, pulling you down the bed and positioning himself in between your legs. He holds onto your hips and kisses your inner thigh, moving toward your mound until his mouth is on your clit, kissing and licking. You arch your back and throw your head back, fighting against the rising orgasm. Right before you come he pulls back, smiling up at your dazed face. He rises up and slowly pushes his dick into you until you’re full. You whimper as he brings his hand down to your clit, stimulating it.

“That’s right baby,I know what you like.”

You can’t think about anything else anymore, only the orgasm that threatens to take over.

“Come Baby”

You reach out, grabbing his arms as you come. He grabs your shoulders and thrusts deep, filling you with cum before collapsing next to you, pulling you into the crook of his arm.

“Can I go back to my room now?” you ask.

“You won’t be leaving this room until I can trust you.”

“I won’t say anything. You won. You got what you wanted so just let me go.”

“You still don’t get it Y/N. You’re mine now. I know this is a hard adjustment but everything will be fine as long as you follow what I say.”

“And if I don’t obey you?”

“You’ll be punished.”

“Fuck you.”

Peter sits up next to you, grabbing his pants off the floor and pulling his belt out of the loops.

“I guess your first lesson starts now.”

---

You look around the room you live in. It’s no longer the empty minimalist space it was before you met Peter. Now it’s filled with him. Everywhere you look there are reminders of him. The shower has his body wash and razor. There are pictures of him hanging on the walls. Everything you own has been bought for you by Peter. He dictates what you’re allowed to wear, where you’re allowed to go, who can talk to. It’s all him. Every part of your life revolves around Peter to the point where you don’t know what you would do without him. You wake up to him, go to sleep to him, think about him constantly. You’re even sometimes woken up in the middle of the night to him touching you, wanting you. At some point you stop pretending you don’t want him back. You hate it but it’s true.

Your room has always been a reflection of you as a person.

#dark!peter parker x reader #dark!fic #dark!peter parker #dark peter #dark peter parker #smut

[kaisa-ryo]

Itadori Yuji NSFW Alphabet

Warning: English isn't my native language!

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*

A = Aftercare (What he likes after sex)

Itadori likes to chat for a long time. Topics for communication are usually very diverse: from listing the different sex positions he wants to try, to discussing brands of cars, televisions, types of soaps and colors of underwear. In parallel, Yuji will stroke your back, causing your body to creep. So the love attraction that you already experienced with him before suddenly takes on a special intensity. When he has a need to receive your affection, he will begin to sink under the covers until he rests his nose against your chest or stomach. By this action, he asks you to play with his hair. At this moment, he may stop talking altogether, because instead of chatting, he will hum with pleasure. In addition, he will try with all his might and in various positions to snuggle up to you with his strong male body. And you will begin with great skill to stroke his hair and gradually increase the pressure in order to induce real ecstasy in him.

B = Body part (His favorite body part)

Obviously the hips and butt.

It is a blissful feeling when he squeezes your buttocks as he continuously enters you. And in the morning, when you start looking in the mirror, you notice that your thighs are scarlet. As you examine yourself, Itadori in the next room sees your stunned expression in the mirror and smiles proudly.

C = Cum (Everything about sperm)

He usually ends up on the aforementioned body parts. Although he experiences no less high pleasure when he watches how his hot semen flows down from your vagina. Or the mouth. And if you also swallow his seed, it will completely discourage him. It's so awkward and at the same time arousing when a girl literally lets a part of you into her. It's like you start making it a part of yourself. The part of his soul that passes through your body, moving on to the next stage of orgasm.

D = Dirty secret

To tell you the truth - there are a lot of them. Despite the fact that he almost always speaks with you frankly on intimate topics.

He often thinks about how he will kick you through the school desk and fuck you under the light of the graceful sunset that falls through the half-open blinds.

About how madly tempting it would be if you suck him off somewhere in the closet.

How to fuck you by the sea on soft sand.

There is no limit to these secret desires. Someday he will definitely tell you about all of them. And, of course, it will.

E = Experience

The highest level of experience in intercourse is masturbation. Yes, he has seen a lot of different videos on porn sites and instant messengers. And of course, he remembers them every single one. He has a lot of sexual fantasies. And they are all related to you. But they need to be implemented.

It will also ask you about your experience. For example, can you do a blow job. If you do not know about any sexual arts, he will certainly show you a video, explain how and what to do, ask if you like this objectively.

You can even say that he has much more indirect experience than you. But Yuji likes it. I like to teach you everything that he himself knows from the erotic videos he has watched.

F = Favorite position

In general, you have tried an innumerable number of poses all the time, but none can compare with the one when he presses you into bed from behind. When your penis plunges into the innermost and holds you so tightly that it begins to seem as if it has completely absorbed you.

G = Goofy (Are you serious at this moment?)

In most cases, yes. Even if this is not the first time you have been doing this, this does not mean that intercourse may not go well. But sometimes passionate excitement can outweigh all expressions of seriousness and turn it into entertainment or stress relief.

H = Hair (Is the hair ok?)

Not that he regularly tidies them up, but tries to make sure that both of you are comfortable. Maybe he prefers not to show it, but Itadori is really worried that you will be uncomfortable. Although the hair itself does not really interfere.

I = Intimacy (Romance)

Yes. And a lot.

Itadori literally melts when he sees you smile, the reason for which is his sweet and romantic actions. For him, there is no line between "boyfriend" and "spouse". And, of course, he regularly scrolls in his head how you have a large shared apartment, wedding rings, children ...

The guy is ready to even get you the moon from the sky, just to see your charming smile once again, to feel how you jump on his neck and say that you love him with all your heart. Sometimes he gets carried away - and then his hand reaches out to you to stroke your cheek, circle around your neck, say some banality, without which it is difficult for you to live. And sometimes you think that at such moments Itadori... looks a little more naive. But he does not see anything wrong with this and continues to cherish you, like the most priceless treasure on earth.

J = Jack off (masturbation)

It happens. And even after the start of your relationship.

In moments when you are far away, he records your telephone conversation, asks you to throw off your photos, turns on a home video taken once secretly from you ... then he starts "playing with his snake", quietly moaning your name. And if you start writing or talking on the phone, how much you want him now, it will just go crazy, imagining how he is fucking you on the bed right now. After all, it is such a pleasure to realize that your body receives only what you so passionately dream about and what you want.

— Mnh... yes, y/n... please continue...

K = Kink (Kinks and fetishes)

As mentioned earlier — home video. Yuji prefers to do this in secret, since he knows it will embarrass you. And besides, you will immediately guess why he does it.

He also has one fetish that you know about. Namely — voyeurism. When you change clothes, stand in the shower, or try on a swimsuit, he closely monitors your actions while standing outside the door. So he initiates you into his intimate world, where you can become his muse.

In addition, he has several types of perversions that he considers esoteric. For example, he really loves to admire your naked body and inhale its aroma, starting from the neck. This also applies to your personal things — your scent is also felt on them, and Itadori constantly examines and sniffs your things, hoping to feel your scent. It's kind of like a drug for him, and he likes to wake up in the morning and feel that your hair is still felt on his neck. And if you put on his clothes... it seems like some kind of new fetish. Now on his things your next smell. It's fucking exciting...

L = Location (Favorite places to have sex)

It makes no difference. The place does not depend on the amount of pleasure received from the process. True, you still have to find compromises. Because if it is convenient for him to hold your legs, simultaneously entering your bosom again and again, then it is quite problematic for you to be in the air, holding on to his shoulders. Thus, you get less pleasure. But do not think, he is not a rabbit, to fuck you wherever he wants, the guy will definitely ask if you want it. And yes, he does have a line between "normal" and "too public."

M = Motivation

All your movements are in clothes, which emphasizes the whole aesthetics of your body. As if hypnotized, Itadori watches your curves, how they change when you change posture or movement. When you are in your underwear, you specifically approach him and start to flirt playfully. When you wear his things, as mentioned by the way earlier. And oh shit, how turns him on when you show yourself a new swimsuit and ask to rate.

N = No (Which won't do)

Anything that will harm you. It doesn't matter whether it's big or small. If Yuji feels that he can be rude to you, then he will definitely warn you to tell when it hurts. After all, on the verge of orgasm, he may not notice that you are uncomfortable or unpleasant.

O = Oral (Likes to receive or to give)

More is to give. His head is blown away because you are moaning his name sweetly and loudly, demanding more. Your morning kiss and praise for being amazing last night will give him confidence. And then, perhaps, your next night will be even better than the previous one.

Although one should not ignore his desires with needs. The guy will be very upset if, for some reason, you do not give him pleasure with oral sex.

P = Pace

In this he is a real professional Yuji knows perfectly well how to stretch pleasure and orgasm as much as he wants. A small effort of will is enough for him, which he has at least a spoonful.

At first he will start with smooth movements, and then gradually accelerate. At the same time, it will be easy to prolong your pleasure, because you will feel the strongest sexual charge directed in your direction. And with each strong orgasm, you will experience not only physical, but also mental pleasure.

Q = Quickie

From slow and smooth thrusts to wet and hot suddenness, it makes you feel your own intoxication, as if you are high. Superhuman abilities do give good results. As it turned out, not only in sports.

R = Risk (Ready to experiment)

In other matters, he is unlikely to refuse, since he himself has long wanted this. But Itadori is a responsible person, so he will think a hundred times and make sure that you accept the offer accurately. Do not be surprised that he will act agitated during such sex. He, like you, understands that this risk is serious and can create real problems.

S = Stamina (Stamina)

You should prepare caffeine and energy drinks, as this machine will squeeze everything out of itself, despite the fact that you yourself were exhausted already in the third round. He will not be enough all the time, and if you ever start to black out from fatigue, the guy will scream that he has not finished yet. It even forces you to limit the number of your intercourse per week, as his stamina is exhausting. And you've told him about it more than once.

T = Toys

In this regard, Yuji is more cunning and impudent. He always refuses to have toys for himself, although he himself does not mind tormenting you with a vibrator or even slipping it into your panties, justifying this by the fact that he does this to keep you close, at the same time showing his concern for you, flickering his ghost in your head. But he's not lucky that you're not such a naive fool. Despite this, the guy gets hit on the head, with a very convincing request never to do this again.

U = Unfair (Does he like to tease)

Very much not even against, but not much into it. Over time, it bothers both you and him, and all actions cease to be unpredictable.

V = Volume (How loud is it)

Pretty loud. But in the volume of your moans, you take over.

They start with stifled growls, to groans because of how fucking amazing and sexy you are. And it all ends like a sugary, but trustworthy silence. Your loud moans of pleasure are a sign that you both were good.

W = Wild card (Random headcanon)

Once there was a case where Yuji could not come. He felt that he could not come even if he wanted to. His arms and legs seemed to be glued together, and he himself froze. I started to panic, think of reasons in my head. You, in turn, noticed this too, and when you asked what was the matter, Itadori turned pale and speechless. After that, he sat down on the bed, and here you started to worry. It turned out that he had masturbated too much over the past month, which has formed a habit of certain stimulation of the penis. At the news, you laughed, and he blushed. But at the same moment he exhaled with satisfaction. The guy was glad that the reason was not in you and not in his health.

X = X-ray (What's under the clothes)

16 cm. During erection ± 2.5

Y = Yearning (How high is the sex drive)

Sex serves him for several purposes: relieving stress, sexual tension, just as a way to prove his love for you... Sometimes the beginning of sexual intercourse depends on his arousal. But for your sake, he's trying his best to hold back. Resorted to masturbation instead of sex, but as you already know, even this has its own problems. Seeing him so depressed, you also do not bypass the mutual concern. Even if you don't really want to do this or you are not in the mood, you will never refuse him. Although you will never let him relax and stop controlling himself. Do not miss the opportunity to talk to him about this, because, of course, he also needs it - to get rid of an inferiority complex and so on...

Overall, ± 8/10

Z = Zzz (How quickly falls asleep)

Quite surprisingly, even in spite of his endless chatter before going to bed, as soon as he put his head on the pillow and lean on you, he falls asleep instantly. You feel him in your arms like a small hyperactive child who constantly wants to tell you something or, out of habit, make a row. And myself in his arms — protected by a large and strong wall.

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk imagines #jjk x y/n #jjk #jjk x you #jjk itadori #jjk yuji #itadori yuuji imagines #itadori yuji x reader #alphabet

[mrsblackruby]

Hey👋🏿 hope you’re having a nice day 😊

Sorry for cross tagging but the harassment is getting out of hand. Okay I’m a Billy Hargrove fan willing to make a cross tag post [which turned into a 5 part series ] discussing how to treat and respect fans in the strangers things community. I’m hoping to showcase behavior we shouldn’t engage in when we see someone who likes a character who we dislike. I’m also hoping to start a respectful discussion to help anyone on tumblr who doesn’t understand Billy fans but wants to understand them.Let’s hope this doesn’t become overwhelming 😳

I’m open to fair criticism. Let me know if you interpret a post differently than me if you want. Please let me know your opinions if you have them.

Don’t worry I also want to be respectful to those who don’t like Billy because you have ur reasons to not like his character and connect to fiction however you want to connect to fiction. I want to make things clear I’m not trying to make a moral condemnation of anyone who has engaged in the behavior I critic in this post. There are much bigger problems in the world but I’m so passionate about this one because I’m a person of color who connects to Billy’s story arc and the way some antis treat Billy fans is just cruel. Billy fans are real people who exist and their stories have real life consequences. Online harassment in fandom is not excusable because it is still harassment.

This post is long as FUCK and will have different parts but even tho it’s long I find the conversation to still be interesting so keep that in mind if you read I’ll try to reblog it and pinned it on my blog for ease. There’s a lot to discuss and this conversation should be dealt with care. I will also have the different parts linked at the end of each post. ( I’m also a stupid teenager pls be kind)

I worked so hard on this.

Please share this if you want because I believe our fandom can combat the environment of harassment online we see. Nobody deserve this type of treatment for hyper-fixating on a fictional character that gives them comfort!

Tw for all parts// harassment, racism, discussion of abuse, and abuse apologia, death threats, spoilers for strangers things season 1-3

Tw for this part// harassment, racism, fictional suicide mentioned

I have taken screenshots to reference and prove the behavior I critic but I have gotten rid of all identifying content as to avoid further harassment. Please don’t go out looking to harass anyone. Let me know if I need to add any warnings. this is a somewhat serious, heavy, and layered discussion. We are talking about how humans connect to fiction here so it’s bound to be complex.

[important Note for entire series] All these posts are recent by the way just to show case the harassment is still and ongoing issue even tho Billy has been “ dead” for quite a while now. He might have killed him self but Billy is still my rat man. let me love 😍him.

The Harassment of Billy Hargrove Fans #1

“Okay let’s get started”

Assumptions and cruel judgments of Billy fans

In this Twitter post someone makes the assertion that being a Billy Hargrove fan is a red flag. I’m aware that this is not a tumblr user but I have seen some of this sentiment on tumblr. I will begin by criticizing this post because someone being a fan of a fictional character doesn’t make them and inherent threat to anybody’s personhood. I get that the person who posted this may even agree with what I just argued, that Billy fans aren’t a real life threat, but that’s not what is being communicated at all when someone reads this especially when a fan of Billy reads this. And if someone out there does believe this for one reason or another I’m going to continue to dispute your claim. Some Billy fans might engage in problematic behavior but to hold a layer of apprehension towards all fans of a character because of this might be something you need to reevaluate. Making a moral judgment on real human beings because they like a character is not okay especially if you don’t even know the reasoning.

Just because someone likes a character that might be a mass murderer in fiction doesn’t mean that now they support massacres, correct? Same logic applies here if someone does interpret Billy as racist but still likes his character that does not mean they think racism in the real world is okay ( or bullying, harassment, or anti feminism either) and that does not mean they can’t organize against real world problems effectively.

This is a crude assumption

First things first not every who likes Billy ships Harringrove

As a Harringrove shipper I can only speak for myself and say I could give less of a fuck if Billy is “good” or “bad”. That’s doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to smash king Steve. That’s also doesn’t mean he can’t be queer and it doesn’t mean I can’t like the ship. And it doesn’t mean that I can’t connect to Billy on a disastrously queer level ( got that phrasing from a grade A post on this hell site)

Believing Billy can see the errors in his ways and can heal and become a “good” person… doesn’t have to be a byproduct of being a shipper. it can just be a read someone has of a character so “anon” no disrespect to ya but your thinking is wrong.

Okay this is gonna be lengthy

Fine some Billy fans ignore the shit he did… but that’s not inherently bad. Fans can headcannon Billy into a completely different portrayal than what we see on screen and love him I don’t see a problem with that especially when they aren’t excusing any abuse.

The Duffers brothers failed at exploring racism in their show if that was their intention. Point blank period since this is a form of art it can be interpreted in many different perspectives. Especially if it is not tied to any explicit themes on racism in the text. I interpret Billy’s actions as racist but no one has to do so if they connect to the story in a different manner. I felt the weight of Billy’s “ certain type of people” comment. However it was only and implication not a confirmation. Stop being mad at people for not interpreting something left up to interpretation.The writers didn’t explicitly tackle the issue they wanted to tackle.

This might be helpful 2 know …I interpret Billy as racist, I’m also black, I also Stan Billy Hargrove.

Okay here we go… no-one has to interpret Billy’s actions as being racist so why assume that if someone likes Billy it’s because they’re racist just like him… if they don’t even think he’s racist. I hope that makes sense

I think Billy is racist 4 sure the story flows better for me that way and it makes a lot of sense to me. Now let’s talk about racism in the real world … racism is something that is taught. Racism is a big large system we are all conditioned into. Racism is something we must all unlearn in the real world. So in the fictional world I think there is an entertaining plot line that Billy can go down and unlearn his racism +stop beating up on children Billy 🤦🏿‍♀️. Because I see that potential growth that is why I like his character. Oh and no one ever talks about this but I head cannon Billy as fat phobic because of the “lard- ass” comment so my version of Billy is working through that as well.

I don’t wanna sound all high and mighty I can understand why someone might express this sentiment. I’m not gonna demonize someone who is black like me (black people have dealt with that enough). I also get why you would not even like Billy if you interpret him as racist. [Someone could have the same analysis of Billy as me and still not like him because how we connect to fiction is somewhat irrational.] I would just ask that we don’t jump to conclusions about anyone’s politics because of how they like a fictional character. That we treat other members in our fandom with respect.

I can never and will never excuse racism because if I do I would be turning a blind eye on a system that kills my loved ones. Your allowed to not like Billy Hargrove honestly I don’t see any Billy fans who care? Stop making crude assumptions about people who do Stan Billy Hargrove ur “ joke” is a hurtful misrepresentation.

Lol like #notallbillyfans am I right guys 👉🏿

*crickets sounds and booing*

okay sorry let’s move on…

The problem I hope i highlighted is that you can not make inherent claims to thy morals of a human being because they like a fictional character.😂

Stand alone post: Me reading to much into the politics of Billy Hargrove/ Harringrove

THE 5 PART SERIES ON HARASSMENT:

#2 #3 #4 #5

#billy hargrove #harringrove #anti harringrove #anti billy hargrove #will byers #byler #elmax #el hopper #jane byers #bob newby #kali prasad #jonathan byers #nancy wheeler #jim hopper #max mayfield #robin buckley #stranger things #mike wheeler #lucas sinclair #joyce byers

[captain-yeet]

A Beautiful Way To Die

Pairing: Heidi x Fem!Reader

Summary; When you thought of death or the possibility of you dying, you never seriously considered the possibility of dying at the hands of a gorgeous vampire.

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: swearing, Heidi accidentally being creepy give her a break she's new to interacting with mortals and NOT eating them

Author's note: I've been wanting to write about Heidi for a while now because her character, even though we got so very little of it is fascinating (again thanks smeyer for making your side characters more interesting than the main ones). Also, am a simple gay.

Arising from your jet-lagged slumber, you'd hoped the beautiful blue, sunny skies you enjoyed yesterday would still be there. Sadly, your luck was out the window along with the welcoming warm weather.

You'd travelled to Italy with the intention of finally getting out into the world and having the freedom to explore and go your own path. Looking online for travel destinations was both a struggle and exciting! "Where should I go?" you wondered while scrolling through all your proposed options. None caught your eye until you landed on one listing;

Enjoy an enriching, quaint experience in the city of Volterra!

Nestled in the country hillsides of Italy, Volterra has a host of activities for you to enjoy, from historical site tours and many shopping locales, bars and more. From the Palazzo di Priori to the Volterra Cathedral... Come, and lose yourself in a city who's architecture is frozen in time.

You wandered the town, taking in the sites of all the old buildings around you. Even with the clouded sky above your head, Volterra was still a breathtaking place.

After an hour of wandering you came to a stop in the Palazzo, plopping down to sit by the large fountain. Hands resting under your chin, you entered a blissful, happy daydream.

Sighing dreamily, you let your eyes close.

You didn't notice the woman watching you attentively.

Heidi had been tasked with finding more humans to feed the guards and the masters themselves, her own hunger growing more ravenous by the day. She'd managed to lure in a few stray helpless tourists, but she still needed just a few more.

Striding through the streets with confidence, she halted as a sudden alluring scent hit her like wave. Mouth pooling with venomous saliva, she held in an instinctive growl. Where is that scent coming from? More so... who?

Following the mouthwatering aroma, she let herself be guided through the cobblestone streets of Volterra, the beast within her growling with glee as she got closer and closer to the human. Heidi had had many victims, many catches that she's reeled in from her "fishing" that have satisfied her, but none that made her yearn for blood more so than whoever it was that smelt like this.

She found herself in the Palazzo, her eyes desperately scanning every face, every scent of anyone who was nearby. She needed to know which it was.

Taking in another deep breath through her nose, the scent hit her again, and she found the poor helpless human.

A woman, who smelt better than anything she'd ever had before. Heidi sunk into the shadows of a nearby alley and studied you. You were plain, simple clothes and your eyes were currently closed as you enjoyed some blissful daydream. Her throat burned with thirst by this point, and as she watched you... something else began to grow.

Curiosity, was it? Heidi couldn't put her finger on it. Letting out an unnecessary huff, she decided to approach. I'll make sure to let Felix and Demetri know that this snack is strictly mine alone. Heidi put on her best smile and sauntered over to the human.

 “Pardon me, Miss?” a smooth voice called your attention away from your daydreaming. 

You jump in surprise as you turn your attention to the source of the voice that startled you. The owner of the voice was equally startling; her beauty blinded you, as she stood directly in front of the faint rays of sunlight you swore she was literally shining. The red dress she wore clung nicely to her body, an off the shoulder piece that only highlighted her best assets. Violet eyes gazed at you curiously, flicking from the art book open in your lap to your face. 

If angels were real, you’d believe this woman was one.

Unbeknownst to you, but the shock went both ways. Now that she was face-to-face with you, Heidi’s painted red lips had parted, an inaudible gasp to your ears escaping them.

A pull she had never experienced before took hold of the vampire. She needed to be near you - not just in the hunger sense, but more of a “If I am separated from this woman for any reason I will rip someone’s arm off” kind of way. At least, that is how Heidi would describe it.

Trying to shake herself out of her jumbled train of thought, she flashed you a quick smile, savouring the way it made your heart stutter. “I couldn’t help but notice you sitting here, are you new to Volterra?”

You nodded, gently smiling at the pretty woman. “I am, just passing through on my way to Venice.”

Heidi giggled. "Venice? That's quite the destination. And what brings you to Volterra?"

"I'm going on a tour here before I leave for Venice," you explained, none the wiser to the sudden shift in Heidi's demeanor. "I needed a place to stay since it was such a long trip, and..."

"What tour, if you don't mind my asking?"

You blinked. The woman was now very serious, the playful almost-flirtatious air about her gone. "In there, actually," you reply, pointing to the castle-like cathedral just behind her.

"I see."

Shit. Shit, shit, fuck! A string of curse words swam in Heidi's head in multiple languages. She can't go in there! But she's booked already, they'll be expecting her and we don't often get cancellations and if we do -

"I'm sorry, is there a problem?" You ask, growing more confused by the pretty lady as the seconds went by.

"Ah, hello Heidi."

You both turn your head to the rather tall man who had appeared at Heidi's side. He was quite the looker - very tall, heavy build and looked like he could break you in half with one hand.

"Felix, what are you doing here?" The woman - Heidi - says to her companion with an airy smile.

You didn't fail to notice the sharp look she had in her eyes.

"Just roaming about the city is all," the man replied coolly, a grin on his face that faltered into a curious smile when his gaze shifted to you. “And who might this lovely lady be? Perhaps a tour guest of the castle?”

With a laugh, Heidi linked her arm into Felix’s bicep, her fingernails digging deep into his arm. Under his breath Felix hissed and looked at Heidi with wide, confused eyes but she kept her airy exterior up perfectly.

 “Our tour bookings are full, Felix,” she said pointedly.

You looked on at the exchange feeling lost. There seemed to be some animosity between the two but why? You didn’t know. Maybe they were exes.

 “I see.” A thin, curt smile replaced his cocky grin from just moments ago. “Well then, I’ll meet up with you later. We’ll talk more then.” 

As the man left, Heidi left out a small huff and then turned back toward you, her brilliant smile bewitching you again. "Forgive him, he's always prowling during the tours for pretty young women to bore to death with his rants about his hobbies."

You giggled, grinning back at her. "I'll be sure to try and stay off his radar when tomorrow's tour begins."

Tomorrow's tour, Heidi's thoughts echoed your words. So she's coming in on that tour. Keeping her composure cool, she tilted her head down and gazed at you from beneath her eyelashes. Seduction tactics, only this time she was trying to steer her prey away. "Please beautiful, I want you to listen to me very closely."

Frowning at her sudden serious nature, you began to stand up from where you were perched, listening intently.

"Volterra has a lot to offer tourists, many fascinating sites to see. Our cathedral however... don't come. Please," she pleaded, her voice low and silky, "find somewhere else to go sight seeing."

You froze mid-way through putting away your art book. Her serious tone and the look in her eyes... something about the look in her eyes sent a chill down your spine. "I - I'll consider it."

The corner of Heidi's mouth twitched. She then straightened herself up and the deadly serious disposition left as quickly as it had appeared, the friendly seductress returning once more. "Well, I suppose all I can do is steer you away," she chuckled, more to herself.

You smiled politely back, your eyes flickering to your surroundings briefly. As you took in how the sky had gone much darker than it was before, you gasped. "Oh damn, it looks like its going to rain!"

Sure enough, as soon as the word "rain" left your lips, Heidi felt a droplet from the sky land on her cheek.

"I had better get going, it was really nice meeting you!" You began saying your farewells to the beautiful lady, pulling your backpack hastily up onto your back. You didn't want to get potentially drenched in the downpour.

"Wait!"

Ice gripped your wrist abruptly, sending a shock up your arm and making a surprised gasp escape your lips. The fuck?

Oh.

Heidi had grabbed your wrist. She must have some bad circulation, you vaguely thought to yourself.

"I never got your name." The word were desperate, to Heidi pitiful even.

"It's Y/N," you breathed, taken back by Heidi's behavior.

She let go of your wrist, a half smile appearing. "Y/N," she repeated, your name leaving her mouth - in your mind anyway - almost reverently. "Beautiful name, cara mia... anyway, we should head our separate ways! The rain is sure to stat pouring any moment now."

You hummed in agreement, internally trying to shake yourself out of the stupor you now found yourself in. God damn, this woman... help. She's pretty. So pretty. I am very gay.

"It was nice meeting you, Heidi. Maybe I'll see you around?" You offered with a hopeful smile, trying to shut out your internal screaming.

As you quickly walked away, Heidi carefully breathed in after holding her breath. The air stung her throat, your scent, your blood, making her moan wantonly.

She only hoped for two things; one, that she would get the pleasure of seeing your exquisite face again, and secondly and most importantly, that you would heed her warning not to come to the Volterra Cathedral tour tomorrow.

#it's Heidi's turn to shine #twilight renaissance #twilight saga #volturi #volturi x reader #heidi volturi #heidi volturi x reader #twilight fanfiction #my fics

[elitegymnastics]

Q: What is this?

A: It’s a flyer for a virtual fundraiser on June 4th that Elite Gymnastics is playing. You can access the show at quietyear.com

Q: Hasn’t Elite Gymnastics been inactive for like, ten years?

A: Yes. This is the first Elite Gymnastics performance of any kind since November 30th 2012, at the Horn Gallery at Kenyon College in Gambier, Ohio. 

Q: Why did Elite Gymnastics stop playing shows?

A: Elite Gymnastics started out as me (Jaime) and a bunch of my friends agreeing to help me play my songs live back in 2009. I made a lot of weird demos in GarageBand and my friend Dominique Davis from the band Dearling Physique got tired of watching me sit on them. So, he booked me to play at a show he was curating as part of a small local music and arts festival called Clapperclaw. For several months that’s mainly what EG was. At some point the focus shifted to making recordings rather than playing shows, to participate in the emergent culture of new music distributed via MP3 file-sharing. The lineup winnowed to just me and Josh Clancy, who began creating digital EPs that we posted on this Tumblr page as ZIP files full of MP3s accompanied by a PDF of artwork. This is the incarnation of the group that most people are familiar with.

This was before Patreon existed. If Bandcamp was around, we’d never heard of it. Though MP3 file-sharing culture and file transfer sites like MediaFire and MegaUpload allowed anyone to distribute music freely across the world via the internet, it was still pretty difficult to get people to pay you for it. I think it was for this reason that a lot of internet music back then featured a lot of sampling. A lot of artists’ first forays into the world of DAWs and production took the form of mash-ups, bootleg remixes, and DJ mixes. Artists like Animal Collective, MIA, Kanye West, and Daft Punk for whom sampling was a pillar of their creative process were extremely influential. Elite Gymnastics was no exception - the first song of ours to gain traction online was “Is This On Me?” which made no attempt to hide the fact that it heavily sampled Faye Wong’s “Eyes On Me.” The fact that it was so difficult to make money off MP3s pushed people to make different creative decisions than they would have otherwise. It was sort of a free-for-all.

Eventually, all of this started to change. The major labels started getting a lot more aggressive about trying to destroy MP3 file-sharing culture. Platforms like MegaUpload were raided and taken offline. The replacements that sprung up to replace them were increasingly infested with ads and malware. Corporate platforms like YouTube and SoundCloud adopted Content ID filters to prevent the proliferation of copyrighted music there. Blogs and private torrent trackers being taken down meant thousands of hours of labor were wiped out in an instant. Some of the best archives of the history of recorded music ever created were destroyed without hesitation. Even the most devoted participants lost the will to keep repairing and re-making the stuff that cops and record companies kept obliterating.

Josh and I both dreamed of being able to make a living as musicians. We still do. Back then, we were willing to accept a lot of changes in order to make that possible, which seemed necessary. A lot of the stuff that we were great at just didn’t make any money. Once, we were asked to do a remix of a song called “Sa Sa Samoa” by the band Korallreven. I did the remix by myself, which was normal for us, and Josh was so inspired by it that he spent a week working non-stop to create a video for it. People loved it - the day the video dropped, Pitchfork designated the song as a “Best New Track” and New York Magazine wrote about it in their “Approval Matrix.” The video led to a ton of exposure, but from a financial perspective, it just did not make sense to put that much effort into promoting a remix of someone else’s song. The stuff we were personally excited by just seemed to have less and less to do with what actually makes money.

A lot of internet bands during this era began to palpably shapeshift in an effort to succeed in music as a career. Artists who’d first attracted notice for sample-based bangers they made on a laptop started posing with vintage hardware in their press photos and trading in their laptops for live bands and recording studios. It became harder to distribute DJ mixes or mash-ups that contained copyrighted music in them. Influential bloggers either closed up shop or were absorbed into the traditional music industry in some way. Feeds that once touted bizarre songs by laptop-toting weirdos with no industry connections started to become populated mostly by artists with labels and publicists. The bottom rungs of festival lineups started to consist mostly of new major label signings who have lots of money to spend on stage production but not much in the way of grassroots fan enthusiasm or media buzz. 

Internet music and what people tend to refer to as “indie music” split off into two separate streams. Today, there’s a pretty intense firewall between internet culture and whatever you want to call the culture of vinyl records, mid-sized indie labels with publicists, and positive reviews from the few remaining websites that still pay people to write about music. I call it “publicist indie,” “lifestyle techno,” or “prestige electronica” depending on whether or not the music features guitars and/or vocals. The recent online kerfuffle about NFTs really emphasized this split. The worlds of digital illustration and game development campaigned aggressively against mass adoption of cryptocurrency - if you saw any Medium posts explaining crypto’s environmental issues, chances are they were written by someone from those fields. Every new announcement by an artist that they had minted an NFT was met with a swift and vocal backlash from fans. Though I’ve never really been much of an Aphex Twin fan, it was still pretty startling to look at the replies under his NFT announcement tweet and see hundreds of furious people announcing that he was now dead to them. That’s an artist who has seemed more or less unimpeachable for most of my life up until this point! All of that seemed to change in an instant.

There is a massive disconnect between the insular world of the industry establishment and the cutting edge of online counterculture. We saw this again a couple of weeks ago with the online response to the crisis in Gaza. We saw passionate advocacy for Palestinians from games journalists and developers much more often than we saw it from musicians. This is a very serious problem for music! I do not believe it is possible to please both sides - that is to say, I do not believe it is possible to be part of internet counterculture and the industry establishment simultaneously. The music industry is too conservative, too compromised, too corrupt. If it weren’t for the ocean of valuable copyrights that labels are sitting on, most of them would be bankrupt within a year. If the industry was forced to live or die based on how they handle what’s happening right now in the present, it would most assuredly die. The only people who don’t realize this are those who are being paid to stay ignorant. 

Josh and I did not know this back then. From where we were standing, it looked like internet culture and established media industries were on track to converge. A career in the arts seemed genuinely, tantalizingly possible, right up until the moment that it no longer did. 

In my case, I had really been struggling up until that point. My life had been this ongoing sequence of evictions and hospitalizations, and it seemed to be getting worse, not better. I donated plasma twice a week to pay for groceries and while I was sitting there with a giant needle stuck in my left arm for an hour I would see my picture in The Fader or my songs being recommended by one of the Kings of Leon on Twitter or whatever. Music seemed like the only thing the world thought I was any good at. It felt like my only chance at a peaceful, happy life was somewhere out there in a world I could only perceive through a laptop screen. 

Gender, for me, was a big factor in all of this. The more invested in the craft of songwriting I became, the harder it was to repress or ignore my gender stuff. At that time I’m not sure I even knew what the word “transgender” meant - I just knew that when I showed up at a venue wearing a skirt, no one would talk to me or look me in the eye, and that reading about people like Anohni or Terre Thaemlitz or on the internet made me feel like if I could get out of Minneapolis maybe I could find a place where people would accept me. The internet was like, a pretty toxic place for someone in my position. When I tried to find people to talk to about what I was feeling, nobody tried to tell me to read Judith Butler or ask me what pronouns I preferred. The internet was just like, overrun with predators who just wanted to fetishize me and exploit me. Music seemed like the only way I’d ever have an actual life as myself. I was desperate for that. I was well and truly desperate.

Between all the big changes that were happening to us individually and the music industry moving farther and farther away of the anarchic free-for-all of MP3 file-sharing culture, the strain on us just got to be too much. We stopped trusting each other. We became the unstoppable force and the immovable object, crashing haphazardly against one another’s resolve in a dazzling display of youthful futility. Our partnership ended, and after finishing out the remaining live shows on the calendar by myself, I retired the name “Elite Gymnastics” and started making music on my own under other names. That was that.

Q: Why is Elite Gymnastics coming back now, then?

A: Over the years, Josh and I eventually started talking again. Though there was a lot we did agree on, and potential future projects were discussed, nothing truly felt right. We haven’t been in the same room since Summer 2012, and we’ve both changed a lot since then. We both have other projects and we’ve both developed other ways of working since we stopped working together. It’s a pretty big commitment to put all of that aside in order to join your fortunes together with someone you haven’t seen in a decade.

Recently, Josh decided to leave Elite Gymnastics. His reasons are his own, and I was very surprised by his decision, but after having had time to adjust, I’m really grateful to him. I had kept these songs at a distance for many years, because it seemed foolish to allow myself to get too attached to songs I didn’t feel like I was allowed to think of as mine, if that makes any sense. The songs felt like casualties of a conflict that I had to bury in the ground and try to forget about. Being able to embrace them again felt like re-growing a severed limb or having a loved one come back to life, almost. Feeling like it was safe to love these songs again made me feel whole in a way I didn’t expect to. I became really excited by the prospect of revisiting them, so that’s what I decided to do.

Q: Does this mean you’re going to put RUIN back on Spotify?

A: No. Taking the record off Spotify was the right thing to do. That record was only ever intended to exist during the era of MP3 piracy. I never envisioned a world where the music industry would be so aggressive about policing the way that copyrighted music is allowed to exist online. If we hadn’t opted to take the record down when we did, someone would inevitably have forced us to. If you want to hear those specific recordings again, you’re going to have to do it the way we originally intended: by downloading MP3 files from the internet. Try SoulSeek.

Q: What’s next for Elite Gymnastics, then?

A: Here’s the situation currently. There is no Elite Gymnastics music available to stream or purchase in an official capacity anywhere on the internet. It wouldn’t really be possible for me to put the old stuff on Spotify or Bandcamp now because of all the samples. Like I said before, it was a different time. Those records were created to thrive on a past version of the internet that no longer exists. They weren’t designed to be compatible with the 2021 internet.

Technically, Elite Gymnastics didn’t ever release a debut album. We had EPs, a compilation, and a remix collection. We didn’t make an album, a record that existed as the distillation of all that experimentation that contained all of the songs that fans of the EPs would want to hear, all in one place. It’s like we did Good Fridays but stopped before we made My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy.

So, I am currently working on the first Elite Gymnastics album. If you were following my stuff as Default Genders, you may have noticed me posting demos on my SoundCloud page from 2015-2018 that were all eventually reworked into the album Main Pop Girl 2019. The album I am making is taking that approach to all the old EG songs, including some unreleased stuff. I’m collaborating with others on some songs and I honestly feel like it has resulted in some of the best and most exciting music I have ever been involved with. It is a drastic reinvention, but iteration and reinvention have always been a big part of what I do. I want to make something that feels like the culmination of everything that came before, and so far, I think I’m succeeding.

Q: When will I be able to hear this new music?

At a virtual fundraiser on June 4th, 2021, where there is a suggested donation of $10. You can access it at quietyear.com

[idreamtofmanderleyagain]

Morality-Focused Frameworks Of Discussion As Acts of Control

This is a post in response to a larger conversation I’ve been having with @eshusplayground. I have a perspective that I think would be really relevant to the conversation but I also don’t want to derail the specific focus of the following posts she’s been making recently.

(Trigger Warning For Abuse Discussion and Brief Mentions of Rape)

---

So I’m in the Hellraiser fandom. More specifically, I’m a Pinhead/Kirsty shipper.

For those of you that don’t know, Pinhead is a demonic torturer from hell who’s design is inspired by the BDSM community. Characters who open a magical puzzle box have unknowingly given themselves away to his violent underworld community of eternal torment and depravity. Hellraiser is a film about romantic and sexual horror, and there’s quite a lot in there about abuse and trauma. Kirsty is a traumatized person, and in my personal opinion, very likely a CSA victim.

And I ship these two characters together.

So the subject matter of my particular fandom is extremely intense and niche and complicated to navigate, although YMMV (I have no trouble with this franchise, but I cannot really handle GOT or American Horror Story, for example). After I grew interested in Hellraiser and integrated into it’s fandom, my perspectives about the way we have conversations about villainous characters started to have a major shift.

I often see people have these intense conversations (and arguments) about where a particular character exists on a moral scale, with the subtext (or outright text) that if they tip too far one way or another, they can be rendered unworthy of their own subgroup of fans within their own fandom. People who love those characters or find them shippable are then subject to moral judgements.

So how does one apply such logic to a psychosexual torture demon?

The answer is you can’t.

The frameworks people online use to have these discussions do not make any sense when talking about my fandom. Hellraiser is a dark horror fairytale presenting disturbing, surreal images and behaviors in order to discuss complex and difficult experiences and perspectives. The monsters within it, like Pinhead, are more metaphor than anything.

Now, my follower count is too low and my fandom is too niche for me to really be on the receiving end of a lot of the cruelty that manifests online about the moral validity of the fiction I enjoy. That said, between the anti-kink TERFS and the younger folks involved in purity culture on this site, I can imagine exactly what it would look like. You know what they would look like.

“You’re an Abuse Apologist!”

“You’re an Abuse Fetishist!”

“You’re reinforcing sexism!”

“he’s an irredeemable torturer, you’re probably okay with literal real world rape lmao uwu”

“This is bad kink representation and you’re complicit in the abuse real men do to women because you like this!”

Now, setting aside the fact that the canon lore context of Pinhead involves him having a human soul brainwashed by a monster god to become what he is, and is also in a roundabout sense “redeemed” in canon, I think most people utilizing this kind of framework would assume that I believe Pinhead can be redeemed in the way online Discourse (tm) means it, because that’s how we talk in fandom about the villains we really like.

I do not want to redeem Pinhead. I don’t think he even needs redeeming. I don’t even see value in that conversation at all. Redemption is not a concept that makes sense for what he is, or what he could become as a character. The framework of Pinhead as a Real-World-Equivalent Human Male Abuser who Cannot Be Redeemed From His Actions would inevitably dominate all conversation, regardless of the fact that it is inherently incorrect and detrimental to real, robust literary analysis of the narrative he exists within and how brilliantly it actually interacts with male on female abuse as a subject. By nature of it’s gross oversimplification and misrepresentation, It ruins the potential for greater, more nuanced and complex conversations.

And that’s the thing: my engagement with this particular story and it’s characters has a lot to do with the potential in the narrative to examine how trauma interacts with love, desire and gender politics. Hellraiser has a very unique way of exploring that kind of subject through a storytelling aesthetic that appeals to me (horror/fairytale, gothic romance, etc).

This is about to get personal, so strap the fuck in.

I am the victim of gendered abuse, in that I had an emotionally abusive step father and sexism was absolutely a factor in why that manifested the way it did. I am also a second hand victim of gendered abuse, in that my biological father was a serial stalker and rapist, and other male abusers (or just self-centered family members) caused severe emotional destabilization in my childhood. I grew up viewing adult men as unstable, selfish children. My family endured a lot, and I came to resent the men in my mother’ life for not taking on the role of protector and nurturer when she needed them most. I had discovered the great lie of traditional masculinity: in the face of real crisis, grown men were not protectors. They did not hold together the domestic space. They abused or faltered and abandoned us. This was a repeated pattern among several men in different roles. I was often left picking up all the pieces, taking on roles as a child that these men could not. I had to have strength they did not.

My experience of desire for romantic intimacy with men and men in roles of stable, nurturing authority now inherently involves a jumbled emotional soup of fear, pain, and a deep longing that comes from a place of feminine vulnerability, a desire to be taken care of instead of being the caretaker.

The narrative of Hellraiser pushes a lot of buttons for me. It speaks to my own trauma experiences in a very specific way. In an effort to further that conversation, I’m trying to create a piece of art (a fic) inspired by the deeply personal feelings this film gives me.

For me, Pinhead represents the Jungian shadow masculine, a simultaneous mix of fear and desire, the potential for suffering and pleasure, and everything in between. These experiences are inherently intertwined for me. And Kirsty’s experiences mirror many of my own.

In other words, in order for me to get out of Hellraiser what I get out of Hellraiser, Pinhead has to be exactly what he is, and everything that he is. Which includes monstrosity. Which includes the potential for change. His place in the narrative must fully, truly embody this conversation I need to have with masculinity, which inherently involves painful, scary things.

Anybody demanding that I either denounce my interest in him as morally offensive because he’s a monster in the full sense of the word (and not just the aesthetic one like what is currently trending in Monster Boyfriend fandom), or force a traditional redemption arc upon him as if he were a real life human person who must repent for his real life sins, are essentially saying that I am not allowed to engage with this work of fiction in a way that is transformative for me. And that’s very unfortunate, because honestly, I think my perspective is so much more dynamic and has so much more to offer.

This is not just about basic catharsis. This is not even a power fantasy about emotionally transforming a powerful (white) dude, or “bad boy” fantasies, both standard arguments for villain stanning that feels like it has never truly represented me or the complexity of my experiences and interests. This is a full-on conversation and act of self expression I want to have through art about the experience of fear and trauma when dealing with men as a woman who desires men.

And I don’t think a person has to be traumatized in order to want to engage with this type of fiction. I want to be clear that my experience is not a justification for my interest (I do not need to justify myself), it is an example of a perspective that gets erased by the framework of these conversations.

To me, the framework of moral validity for enjoying fictional villains and monsters and whatever you please feels incredibly stifling to the complex, dynamic ideas and analysis that I want to engage in, because I, and many people I know, are consistently pressured to structure their thoughts with this framework as the only acceptable baseline of discussion. This is so ubiquitous that when people I’ve known have tried to engage in ways that diverge from that framework, the responses they get are outright confused or direct the conversation right back to the original framework they tried to avoid. Complex conversation gets steamrolled.

Somewhere in the conversation we were all having about acknowledging and discussing abuse and oppression, and acknowledging troubling patterns in media which reinforce the normalization of abuse and opression, some people decided that there was a very serious moral discussion to be had regarding the mere act of liking things which involve dark subject matter and complex, or even monstrous characters. They now argue that there are very clear cut, simple moral frameworks for A) telling stories and B) enjoying stories, and most importantly, that this moral framework is a valid justification for the social treatment and silencing of certain people.

A framework, by the way, which I think is actually not functionally a framework, because like the toxic American fundamentalist christian groups it’s thinking is structured from, it does not account for the vastly diverse moral landscape within it’s own space. There is no objectively consistent body of knowledge anybody is working from, because morals are derived from the human experience, which is inherently subjective.

Interestingly, no where does this have more of an impact than with marginalized people, and people like me, who want to express something deeper and more meaningful in the conversation about abuse and oppression than what this framework really offers us. To be honest, The more I see this kind of conversation making the rounds, the clearer it becomes that it’s a means of control and power game playing. It’s not about morality, but about how morality can be leveraged in order to silence truly diverse and nuanced perspectives and uphold people’s sense of self-comfort. It is a means of supplanting more convenient and easily digestible understandings of these highly complex subjects that require more intensive, thoughtful engagement, especially when it gets challenging. This kind of rhetoric absolves people of making room for complex and diverse experiences, and reinforces an (at face-value) easy to follow set of moral rules of how we are all allowed to think and feel.

The implication of all of this is that if we all adhere to the One True (alleged) Moral Framework of Fandom Engagement, then we will somehow come out on the other side with all the Good People having a Great Time having Squeaky Clean Fun. And I don’t think I should have to tell you at this point how stifling and disturbing the implications of that kind of mentality really are.

 Quite frankly, I think a lot of us are very tired of constantly speaking on other people’s terms.

#abuse tw #rape tw #Fandom #Hellraiser

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 8

November 10th, 2019

Aberdeen Bloom was in her hotel room.  

The Leafs had lost to Chicago.  Chicago scored four goals in the first period.  It was a shitshow.  And although the boys rallied back late in the third period, they just couldn’t get that fifth goal to send it into overtime and at least get a point.  William scored two goals – en route to a hat trick – but didn’t get it.  He did get third star of the game though.  Aberdeen knew he was trying to impress his parents and show off in front of his brother.

The team was spending the night in Chicago before leaving late tomorrow for Long Island, meaning that Aberdeen had the day off and could actually go and explore.  She’d never been, and she knew eight or ten hours was not nearly enough to really explore a city, but she thought about taking a city bus tour that hit all the major sites.  Truthfully, she was learning more towards just spending the entire day at the Art Institute of Chicago.  It was on her bucket list.  

After the stress of travelling and the back to back games, she was tired.  She’d taken a long, hot shower before putting on her pajamas and slipping into the hotel bathrobe.  With her hair wrapped in a towel, she ripped open a sheet mask and put it on, massaging it onto her face.  She texted Kasha, who sent her some pictures and videos of Minerva sleeping on her bed, which calmed her down but also made her wish she was curled up with her cat.  Eventually, Aberdeen lay upright in bed, trying to get some reading of Women Talking by Miriam Toews done before she fell asleep.

But then there was a light knock at her door.

She was so tired and so annoyed and so engrossed in her book that she didn’t even bother to look through the peephole to see who it was.  She forgot she was in her pajamas and bathrobe.  She forgot she had an entire sheet mask on her face that made her look like Jason.  She just opened the door, not thinking about anything.

Which made seeing William on the other side of the door all the more frightening.  

He had quite the amused look on his face.  “Hey.”

She shut the door in his face.  She turned around so her back was against the door, internally freaking out, looking around for a means of escape.  She seriously contemplated jumping out the window.  It was only eight floors – that didn’t mean too many broken bones, right?  She could…she could…

“Open the door, Aberdeen,” she could hear him from the other side, his voice low but loud enough that only she could hear.  

“No,” she said, having the wherewithal to finally rip the sheet mask off her face and shove it into the pocket of the robe.  It was still wet, damn it.  A sheet mask wasted.  

“Come on, Aberdeen.”

“What are you even doing here?” she asked.

“Would you rather Brendan find me outside your hotel room or would you rather hide me in the shower where he wouldn’t see me?” William asked rhetorically.  

Aberdeen’s heart and her mind started racing, thinking that Brendan was on the way down to her room or down the hallway or something.  She rushed to open the door and stuck her head out, looking down both ends of the hallway.  William, for his part, slipped past her and into her room.  “Is he here?!” she asked in a harsh whisper.  

“God no.  Brendan’s asleep,” William said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  “It’s eleven at night, Aberdeen.  The man needs his rest.”

She looked back at him practically sauntering into her hotel room and shut the door, locking it behind her for full effect.  She crossed her arms to make herself appear angry.  William still had an amused smile on his face.  “I reiterate my question – what are you even doing here?”

“Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“Weren’t you going to dinner with your parents and Alex?”

“That’s done.”

“So, like, don’t you want to spend time with your parents?”

“They have an early morning flight to catch to Dallas to visit Jackie at SMU,” he said.  “They went back to their hotel and went to bed.”

“And shouldn’t you be doing the same thing?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Cause I wanted to see you, minskatt.”

A blush overcame her cheeks.  “Will, this is really inappropriate,” she said, trying to mask it.

“Why?”

“You’re a hockey player in my hotel room,” she felt like she had to spell everything out for him.  “If Brendan finds out he’d freak.  If Kyle or Peter found out, they’d freak.  Hell, if your teammates found out—”

“Even if they did, they wouldn’t say anything,” William interrupted her.

She stopped dead in her tracks.  That was not plausible.  Any single one of them would go to Brendan in a second if she and Will were caught together like this.  In her hotel room.  At night.  Alone.  “I have a hard time believing that.”

“They wouldn’t.  They know that I like you, so they wouldn’t.”

Aberdeen couldn’t respond with anything because she could think of anything to say.  He flummoxed her constantly.  He kept rendering her speechless and she didn’t know what to do about it – didn’t know if she could do anything about it.  She watched as he leaned against the TV stand, crossing his own arms over his chest.  “I’m asking for a third time now – what are you doing here?”

“Was that a sheet mask you had on your face before?”

“Yes.”

“For what?”

She gave him major side eye.  “Moisturizing.  The traveling is drying out my skin.”

Will let out a slight chuckle.  He looked past her towards her bed, and she followed his eyes and looked behind her.  “What book are you reading?”

Was he being serious right now?  Had he seriously made his way into her room to ask her about sheet masks and books?  Not like she’d do anything else with him.  But still.  “Women Talking by Miriam Toews.”

“Do women talk in it?”

She audibly scoffed.  “It’s about sexual assault in a Mennonite community.”

Will’s face dropped.  “Oh fuck.”  

Aberdeen couldn’t help but snort as she saw the look on his face.  She tried to cover her mouth and her smile but the attempt was futile.  He looked so embarrassed and it just brought her so much…well, delight.  “God, Will,” she said, sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning back to grab the book.  “You are something else.”

“You like to read, then?” he tried to recover the conversation.

“I have a major in English, Will.  And I want to become a writer.  You can’t become a writer if you don’t read.  Well I mean, you can, but you won’t be very good.  And beyond that, I’ve made it my goal to read the shortlist of the Governor General Awards and the Giller Prize,” she said.  She saw a slightly confused look on Will’s face.  “They’re Canada’s highest literary awards.  They’re like – well, not really, but you’re Swedish, so – it’s like being a Nobel Laureate, but obviously the Nobel is much more prestigious.  I read them too.”

The smile that appeared on his face was so innocent and pure that she wanted to wipe it off his face.  She couldn’t handle it.  “I remember that you want to be a writer.  You told me the first time we met,” he said.  Aberdeen shivered.  “So what are you doing here with the Leafs?”

“In my quest for any type of job, they were the only ones that called,” she informed him.  “No newspapers or magazines came calling, so it was this or bank telling.”

He pushed himself off the TV console, making his way over to sit beside her on the edge of the bed.  He looked over at her.  “I think you’d make a great writer.”

“Thanks, but you haven’t read any of my writing.”

“Can I?”

“No.”

It was Will’s turn to snort.  “Fair enough.  Maybe I’ll get to read it one day.”

“I don’t know about that,” she said, smiling down at the book as she held it between her hands, being very careful not to lose the page.  “How was dinner with your parents?” she pivoted, not wanting to talk about herself or her writing anymore.  “I bet you miss them a lot.”

William shrugged his shoulders.  “I’m kind of used to it.  When I was a kid my dad would be gone a lot.”

Aberdeen thought the worst.  “Why?”

William looked at her weirdly.  “My dad was an NHL player, Aberdeen.”  He saw the shock on her face and couldn’t help but chuckle.  “Do you not, like, google these things?”

“Why would I google your dad?  I thought he was just…I don’t know, your dad!” she tried to defend herself.  

“Well, he is just my dad—”

“But he was an NHL player,” she said.  “What team did he play for?”

“A bunch.  He was a journeyman.  Alex and I were actually born in Calgary, but then it was Tampa, Chicago, Washington, Boston, New York…then back to Washington,” William listed off the cities he’d lived in.  “It was a lot of moving around.  A lot of back and forth.  A lot of missing dad.”

Aberdeen could never imagine moving around that much as a kid.  She was very fortunate to have lived in the same house her entire life, however old and small it was.  She knew William’s life growing up was probably very nice – much nicer than hers, in the sense that he had a lot more money with his dad being an NHL player and all – but all of that couldn’t make up for missing your dad because you couldn’t actually see your dad.  The first time Aberdeen realized she actually missed her parents was the grade nine orientation retreat her school ran, when she went to a camp in Muskoka for three days and two nights and got eaten alive by mosquitos.  She couldn’t imagine that feeling happening over and over again.  And not just over and over again…but throughout her entire childhood.  “But Sweden is always home?” she asked, trying to brighten up the mood.  

“Always,” he replied automatically, resolute in his tone.  “In the summers, when we’d be all together in Sweden, and it was just…you know, family time…that was the best.  Our house in Stockholm, or our house in the countryside…it was always amazing.”

Aberdeen smiled at him.  He was so clearly fond of Sweden and fond of his family.  If their Halloween talk didn’t secure it enough, this did.  She wondered how much he missed his siblings on a regular basis; how geographically, they were so far away from each other, but in every other way they were so close.  Much like she and Siena.  She missed Siena every day.

“Hey Aberdeen?” Will’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“You haven’t kicked me out yet.”

She gave him a look.  He started chuckling at her scrunched up face, still glowing with moisturizer.  “Don’t push it.”

***

November 13th 2019

Aberdeen felt both mentally and physically exhausted as the charter plane landed in Toronto just before midnight.  The Leafs suffered another loss to the New York Islanders, John’s old team (who booed him every time he touched the puck, the savages), even though they battled back again from a goal deficit.  Will scored.  John scored too.  But it wasn’t enough.  Now, the team was officially on a three game losing streak (okay, technically only two if you didn’t count the shootout loss against Philly).  Aberdeen was just…tired.  She had the day off tomorrow to prepare for the Major Donor Dinner that night, worked Friday, and then – surprisingly – a full weekend off, since Brendan wasn’t traveling to Pittsburgh.  

To says she was looking forward to it was an understatement.  

“Who’s driving Aberdeen home?” John asked out loud as he always did when they came back from road trips late at night.  She didn’t know if he’d taken it upon himself as the team captain to spearhead the movement, but she didn’t oppose it anymore.  If they wanted to be chivalrous, she wasn’t going to stop them.  

She usually rode into the city with Morgan, with Bee picking them up.  Twice she’d gotten driven back into the city with Saylor and Kasperi.  She was fully ready to hear Morgan’s voice pipe up like it always did – especially because Bee was always on time and already waiting for them by the time they landed.  She even saw him about to say it, but he was cut off.  “I’ve got it,” Will said immediately, not even looking at her.  Morgan looked back at him, shrugging his shoulders.  That was that.  

Aberdeen noticed he drove a Volvo – of course he would, the Swede.  She put her carry-on in the trunk and slipped into the passenger seat, waving goodbye at Justin Holl who had parked beside Will and was already backing out of his space.  Will slipped into the driver’s seat, starting the car.  He looked over at her, the smallest smile on his face.  “Hey.”

“Hello.”

“You tired?” he asked.

“I’m exhausted.”

“Good,” he said, backing out of the parking spot, making his way out and onto the street.

“Good?”

“I’ve been waiting for this moment for a while,” he said, a smile on his face.

She side-eyed him.  What exactly did he think they were going to get up to in his car of all places?  She was wide awake now.  “Why?”

“You always have your headphones in on the bus or plane when Brendan doesn’t need you.”

“So?”

“So it’s obvious you like music, and I’ve curated a playlist for this exact moment,” he smiled, fiddling around with his phone.  He really shouldn’t have been doing that, since he was driving and it was illegal to do so.  Aberdeen looked as he swiped through Spotify quickly, obviously knowing exactly where he needed to go.  

“What moment is that?” she asked.  

“Driving through Toronto at night,” he said, stopping at the red light.  She chuckled slightly to herself, leaning her head back on the headrest and looking out her window.  Of all the guys on the team, only Will would do something like this.  Bee never made any playlists for driving Morgan home in the middle of the night.  Hell, Saylor didn’t either.  She was more preoccupied with telling Kasperi the exact details of what she’d been up to while he was gone, or telling him where they were going to go for drinks and oysters after they dropped Aberdeen off. “You ready?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“If you put on Drake to drive through Toronto at night, Will, I swear to God…” she warned.

There was a dramatic pause.  The opening notes of Drake’s ‘Passionfruit’ played.  Aberdeen overexaggerated her scoff and disgusted face, and William’s infamous laugh was so loud it could be heard over the music.  “God, William…” she chastised playfully.

“Oh come on!  It’s a good song!” he tried to defend himself.

“It’s one of his better songs, sure.  I’ll give you that,” she said.  “But what a lousy start.”

Will’s jaw dropped.  “Oh, really?  You can think of something better?”

“I can think of a million different songs that are better,” she quipped.  She looked down at his phone sitting in the little cubby and went to grab it.  She scrolled through the list, getting more and more disgusted by the songs and artists he’d added to the playlist.  “Your taste in music is awful,” she scoffed again.

“HEY!”

“It’s true!”

“Okay Miss Superior Music Taste—”

“Okay, first of all, if you’re going to choose a Toronto artist to start a ‘driving though Toronto at night’ playlist, it should be The Weeknd,” she began, typing his name into the screen and swiping to add ‘Starboy’ and ‘I Feel It Coming’ to the playlist.  “Like, where is Tory Lanez?  Where’s Daniel Caesar?  And why is it all rappers?  This is so stereotypical.  You need better music.”

“It doesn’t just have to be people from Toronto,” he said, making a turn.  “And it’s all rappers because I li—”

“Seriously, this is awful.”

“You’re really mean when you’re exhausted,” he quipped.  

“If it doesn’t have to be just full of people from Toronto then I’m hijacking this playlist and making it good,” she ignored his comment, already swiping her fingers all over his screen and typing in name after name.  

Will would glance over occasionally, trying to keep his eyes on the road but finding it hard.  She looked so cute concentrating so hard as Passionfruit played in the background.  He bit his lip, trying to remain composed.  “God, you’re gutting that thing,” he said.

“That’s how bad it is.”

He shook his head playfully.  “You better hurry up.  Passionfruit’s almost over.”  Aberdeen finished off, keeping his phone in her lap as she let Passionfruit end.  “It better be good,” he said.

She shot him a playful glare.  “It’s awesome, thank you very much.”

As ‘Passionfruit’ ended, ‘Bride’ by San Fermin came on.  Aberdeen was immediately pulled into the sounds and beats, closing her eyes and let it wash over her.  William, on the other hand, furrowed his brows.  “What is this?”

“San Fermin.”

“Who?”

She shot him another glare – how many she’d shot him in this car ride alone, she couldn’t even say.  “Can you just listen?”

William gave it about a minute before he began shaking his head again.  “I’m sorry.  I can’t do this.”

“You’re weak.”

“Put on something good this time,” he said as she picked up the phone again.  He switched lanes to get onto the onramp for the Gardiner Expressway.  He saw Aberdeen scrolling through the playlist, finally picking a song.  ‘Green Light’ by Lorde.  “Lorde?  Really?”

“Don’t you dare say a bad word about Lorde,” she warned.  “She’s perfect.  Her music is perfect.”

“You think so?”

“She wrote Pure Heroine at sixteen.  Sixteen!” she exclaimed.  “I would give my left arm to have written like that at sixteen.  I was writing awful, pretentious poetry about stupid boys in my high school at sixteen.  And she wrote that entire album!”

William laughed, her clear enthusiasm and love of Lorde shining through in her words.  It was adorable.  She was adorable.  She was many things, but right now, she was adorable.  “Is she your favourite?” he asked.

“I have a lot of favourites,” Aberdeen admitted.  “But yeah.  She’s up there.  Do you not listen to her?”

William shrugged his shoulders.  “I know Royals.  That was the big one, right?  That’s basically it.”

“Well, you need to listen more.”

“Not the first time someone’s told me that,” he joked, keeping his eyes focused on the road.

Aberdeen bit her lip.  She knew they were in the context of talking about music and her favourite artists, but that was a loaded sentence.  When she and Brendan made their way to the locker room after the Islanders game, she could hear Mike Babcock’s voice from down the hallway.  She’d watched and listened to some of his post-game interviews, and she wasn’t completely ignorant to the fact that he constantly, constantly, backhand complimented William and his skills.  It didn’t matter if William got an assist, got one goal, even two goals – it was like Mike couldn’t say a good word about Will without undermining him somehow.  She remembered the season opener, when William told her “I’m used to it” when she asked about it.  She shifted uncomfortably in the passenger’s seat.  “Will…”

“Hm?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, minskatt.”

She paused to try to collect herself.  “What, like…I mean, I don’t mean to be nosey or whatever, or intrude…but what – I mean…like what kind of like—”

“Spit it out, Aberdeen.”

“What’s the issue between you and Mike Babcock?” she finally asked.  

Will looked over at her quickly, shocked that she’d asked the question.  “Hell if I knew,” he mumbled, shrugging his shoulders.  That was a lie – he did know part of it.  At least, he thought he knew part of it.  “I don’t…I…okay.  Last year,” he began, “the 2018-2019 season.  It was my contract negotiation year.  I went unsigned throughout the summer because I was holding out for a specific number and a long-term deal instead of what we call a ‘bridge’, so like a two or three year deal.  I…I didn’t want to be anywhere else but Toronto, no matter what anyone else said.  I still don’t want to be anywhere else but Toronto,” he explained.  “And so, because of that holdout, I didn’t attend training camp.  I didn’t play basically for the beginning half of the season.  There…there was a lot of drama.  A lot of rumours in the Toronto media – really nasty rumours, some of them.  A bunch of talk about trading me.  It produced this really…I don’t know, this really toxic, like, cloud surrounding me.  A lot of people were angry about it.  But I got my deal – I signed on December 1st, the last day legally possible to be able to play.”

Aberdeen thought back to what he told her about his dad.  How much Will missed him as a kid growing up because Michael would be travelling for hockey.  How much Michael was gone all the time.  How every few years, the family would have to pack up and move to a completely different city, in a completely different part of the country, following Michael on his journeyman hockey career.  Of course William wanted a long term deal.  It was no wonder.  He didn’t want to experience what he had to experience growing up – being shuffled around the league – now as an adult.  

“The media did their job though,” he continued, breaking her train of thought.  “They were relentless.  Malicious.  They turned a lot of people against me – a lot of fans who were influenced into thinking I was a spoiled Swedish brat.  Overhyped, overpaid, waste of money.  A plug.  Getting in the way of hiring a good Canadian boy, forgetting the fact that I was born in Calgary,” he almost smiled to himself, shaking his head.  “So…I don’t know.  I guess Mike didn’t get over my holdout.  Maybe he feels bitter about it.  Maybe he thinks I’m selfish, that I shouldn’t have held out.  Maybe he thinks I’m an overhyped, overpaid plug taking a spot from a good Canadian enforcer or something.  But it’s all hypothetical.  It’s all maybes.  I can’t tell you why, exactly, he always says those things.”

Aberdeen didn’t know any of this.  She didn’t know William held out on his contract.  She didn’t know there was a portion of the city that hated just him specifically.  She didn’t know about bridge deals, long term deals, and about him wanting to be in Toronto – nowhere else.  She didn’t know any of it.  And that’s when she finally realized: that was her exact problem.  This was why she kept making careless comments that made Brendan so upset.  She didn’t know anything about the team; she didn’t know anything about its members, how they got to Toronto, how they liked being here.  She didn’t know the history and barely took time to learn.

“You need to walk into this building everyday knowing and understanding the history of this hockey club beyond just the surface level and what Brendan tells you,” Kyle told her after she went crying to him like a baby.  “But you already know what to do, Aberdeen.  You just need to find it within yourself and do it.”

She needed to understand the team as an institution, but also as a group of guys creating and carrying on the legacy of that institution.  

Now she knew.

“That’s awful,” she said, considering everything he told her.  She couldn’t believe a coach would hold something like that against a player.  “You…you don’t deserve that, Will.  Any of it.”

“I know,” he said, nodding his head slightly.  “You don’t have to tell me that, minskatt.  Mike’s just…listen, he’s a good coach – a great coach.  I mean, he’s won two gold medals.  And he has a very specific system—”

“William,” she interrupted him.  He looked over at her.  “Don’t make excuses.”

He smiled at her – a true, genuine smile.  And as he did, the opening notes of ‘Style’ by Taylor Swift began to play, and a shiver ran up Aberdeen’s spine.  She had to look away – had to – because if she looked any longer at him, she would spontaneously self-combust.  That, or lean over the centre console and do something she would immediately regret.  As she looked out the front, she saw them approaching downtown – all the lights and the skyscrapers illuminating the city, and the CN Tower lit up brightly in red.  “This is my favourite drive,” she mumbled.

“What?”

“This is my favourite drive,” she repeated, speaking up.  “This…the Gardiner going into the city.  Swerving through all the buildings.  All the lights.  And this song is perfect for it.  Absolutely fucking perfect.”

William continued to smile at her, looking between her and the road as ‘Style’ continued to play.  The riff, the beat…everything was perfect.  She was busy focused on the view, and on the beat of the song, singing it lightly to herself, her voice getting above the volume of the song only minimally.  She even took out her own phone and began recording the drive and the lights, no doubt to post on Instagram later.  She looked perfect.  She was perfect, at least to him.  He needed to utilize every ounce of self-control he had in him as he continued to watch her.  “This is really hard,” he said out loud, breaking somewhat.

“What?  Listening to Taylor Swift?”

He laughed.  “No.  All I really want to do is reach across the dash and hold your hand but I know I can’t.”

She blushed, looking down at her hands instead of looking at him.  She always had a few rings on – a few dainty ones, stacked, and one her mom gave her that once belonged to her grandmother – and she began playing with them nervously.  He signalled to get off at the appropriate exit.   “Will…”

“I know, I know,” he said.  He was biting his lip down, hard, probably to stop him from saying or doing anything else.  “I’m sorry.”

The rest of their ride was silent, since it wasn’t much longer until he reached her condo.  When they finally arrived, she made sure he knew he didn’t have to get out of the car when he popped the trunk for her to get her carry-on.  She rolled it back to the passenger window.  “Thanks for the ride Will,” she smiled.

“Will I see you at the dinner tomorrow?” Will asked out the window, leaning over the centre console.

She paused for a second.  He knew about that?  She thought it was an office personnel only event.  “You’re going?”

“Of course I am,” he smiled.  

She rolled her eyes.  “Of course you are.”

“Brendan likes to shuffle some of us out as a surprise for the donors.  It’ll be me, John, Jason, and Mitch,” he explained quickly.  “So I’ll see you there?”

“Yes.  You’ll see me there.”

#william nylander #william nylander imagine #william nylander fic #william nylander fan fic #toronto maple leafs #toronto maple leafs imagine #toronto maple leafs fic #toronto maple leafs fan fic #nhl #nhl imagine #nhl fic #nhl fan fic #hockey #hockey imagine #hockey fic #hockey fan fic #the president wears prada series

[ckret2]

How do you feel about the instagram accounts in general? I know some fans who really like them and others who not only dislike them but feel like they ruined some of the characters for them (i hear this mostly for the 3V). I'm kinda split, I like the outfits mostly and the interactions are kind of funny, but at the same time they're pretty trivial and meaningless.

So there are a lot of restrictions constraining what the creators can do with the Instagram accounts.

I've got a lot of experience in online roleplay on tumblr. Here's the thing about roleplay. No matter what character you're playing, you've GOT to play fast and loose with their characterization compared to how they act in canon, simply by virtue of the medium. For every character, they're gonna have things that they would never talk about on a blog online, right?

Very few characters would, say, liveblog on Instagram about helping their drunk boyfriend while he's puking. Most people would, you know, not tell the whole internet that their drunk boyfriend make himself sick, unless the person in question is either deeply narcissistic or trying to get revenge against that boyfriend for something. They would put their boyfriend to bed and not take pictures while he's drunk and not report the incident to thousands of people.

But Stolas did that with Blitzo. And we, the audience, aren't supposed to think that he's being narcissistic or vengeful as he does it. We, the audience, are supposed to go aww, look how caring and supportive he is. Because those posts weren't made to demonstrate that Stolas is callous enough to tell his thousands of followers when Blitzo's black out drunk—those posts were made because the creators are telling a story, and if those posts WEREN'T made, we wouldn't know that story happened.

By necessity, when social media is used as the exclusive venue for telling a story, either you can only tell stories about the kinds of people who would post ever detail of their lives online, or you have to start fudging what a character would realistically post in order to ensure that the audience gets to see it. In my experience in roleplaying? Inevitably, you start fudging. There are things you want the audience/the other players to see, it may not be realistic to show it, but if you want it out there, that's the only way to make it happen. So that's what you do. And now the character is slightly OOC, because they've gotta be in order to move this plotline forward.

That's even more true with something as haphazard and unplanned as most social media RP—and despite the official art and all that, I really do feel like the insta accounts most closely resemble the creators roleplaying as these characters, with the lack of planning and somewhat loose characterization/plot lines that comes with that.

And also something that comes with RP? The players are more likely to goof around with their characters. Even when they have very rigid, fleshed-out headcanons and portrayals, it's being done for play. It's a game before anything else. And so, outside of deep serious threads or epic plot lines, characters are usually, like... 60%-80% in character. If given a choice between "100% strictly unflinchingly IC" and "mostly IC but a little bit off but also it's gonna be very funny," most RPers will choose "mostly IC but funny" because it's funny. This is for fun.

Things particularly get really weird really fast if the RPer has picked a character in an ongoing canon show and they're trying to keep them inside that continuity—like, a show where season 2 has ended and season 3 comes out in five months and the player wants to keep the character acting in ways that will keep them canon compatible when season 3 comes out. In situations like that, if the players don't decide to branch off onto some wild AU, they're basically forced to stick to doing plots and stories that DON'T result in character development that will contradict canon—nobody can overcome their flaws, nobody can discover deep secrets, nobody can befriend their enemies or break up with toxic friends, because then they're no longer canon when season 3 starts. So in order to remain emotionally static in anticipation of future canon developments, lots of those RPers just... have weird episodic shenanigans.

And all that, taken together, is I feel like exactly what the Instagram accounts are doing.

They can't have character development because they're filling in the long gaps between the pilot episodes and the first seasons of two series. They aren't rigorously pre-plotted narratives, they're playing around between a few people. They are going to choose entertainment value and the opportunity to show the audience what they want the audience to see over strict adherence to characterization. They're roleplay accounts.

So that's how I've been taking them.

So, as far as I'm concerned, facts that come out of the accounts are useable worldbuilding. Imps consider chocolate a condiment for fish, okay. Vox owns every social media site in Hell, okay. Alastor doesn't show up well in pictures, okay. Husk sometimes pet sits Fat Nuggets, okay.

But the characterization? The things they do, the ways they interact, the things they're willing to post online, the dialogue? All that is semi-canon. It's the same "only 60% in character because this is all for a laugh" of RP accounts.

So I'm taking all of that with a grain of salt and holding it at arm's length until we get more comics/episodes to really show us more about these characters.

#hazbin hotel #helluva boss #meta #anonymous #ask