#and now I’ve give myself this

[transthatfag]

portrait of my boyfriend that I did based on this kaye donachie painting.

#as with all of my art. I’m tired of looking at it now that it’s done #but. it gives me a specific sense of joy still #it’s the first painting I’ve done in a long while that’s both for myself and something I didn’t feel rushed on or anything #I made a bunch of attempts #I got angry and frustrated and upset #but I kept going until I got this happy result and I’m just glad I got to feel all of that for once #it’s been a while since I’ve gotten the chance to go through my cycles of art and come out happy on the other side #so. it’s nice. #art #digital art #my art 🦷 #digital painting #kaye donachie

[anothercrisis]

SOAPGHOST & KISSES

When they kissed for the first time, it was almost…casual. Like it wasn’t this weighty thing they’ve been hanging around the precipice of.

Ghost had had a long day spent with Price pouring over paperwork and maps, tossing out ideas for their next missions and remedies for issues they had in previous ones. He was exhausted, mentally, and trudged back to his room on heavy feet, more files he was supposed to look over under his arm.

When he got there, he’d barely had the time to set the files down on his desk before there was a knock at his door. Upon opening it, he found Johnny, and was stepping out of the way to let him in without a second thought; he was always welcome here, in Simon’s space.

Johnny was holding a mug of tea in his hands, which he offered to Ghost as he told him he knew he’d had a long day and thought it might help. Simon shucked his gloves off, dropped them on top of the discarded files, and accepted the steaming mug from Johnny’s warm hands. Long comfortable with Johnny, he pulled his mask up and took a sip of the tea, no longer wary of Johnny’s tea making abilities now that he knew Gaz was coaching him under the table.

The tea was made perfectly to his preference, and he kept the mug against his lips as he swallowed, prepared to take another swig. Johnny grinned, pleased with Simon’s reaction. And Simon swallowed the second sip slowly, something happening in his chest that he couldn’t place. It wasn’t just the warmth of the tea working its way through him. It was a different kind of warmth; it was an ache. An ache for Johnny and his smile and his affection.

Simon glanced away from Johnny long enough to set his tea down on the desk beside him, already reaching for Johnny with his other hand. Johnny’s brow wrinkled with confusion without budging his smile, but he didn’t pull away as Simon slid his palm over the side of his jaw. He kept his eyes on Johnny as he framed his face and that lovely smile between his hands, watching for signals.

Johnny caught on quick, his smile dimming as he realized what Simon wanted, disbelief flickering in his expression before the clear want swept through. Johnny’s hand came up slowly to hold on to Simon’s wrist, and he knew he had permission.

So Simon leaned down and kissed him. Sweeping up Johnny’s lips in his own did nothing to abate the ache in his chest, instead only caused it to spread, to become heavier.

Johnny started to fucking smile even as he kissed Simon back, and while Simon didn’t mind feeling his smile, it made it harder to kiss him. Then Johnny pulled back enough to tell him his mouth tasted like tea, to which Simon said he couldn’t see how that was what’s important at the moment. But the words only made it part of the way out of his mouth because Johnny started to kiss him. Over and over, breaking to smile and make comments and to take in the look on Simon’s face.

And Simon was getting sick. The room tilted around him slightly, as if something inside of him was orienting itself towards Johnny more permanently. The ache in his chest was taking over his entire body like a fever, like his body was begging for Johnny to relieve the aches with his touch. Simon lost all the strength to move, caught in Johnny’s orbit with no intention to be let go on either of their sides. He was helpless in his want to do nothing but let Johnny kiss him—to kiss him back when he lingered long enough for him to.

When Johnny was temporarily satisfied, he gave Simon one last lingering kiss he was able to reciprocate before he tugged Simon’s hands off his face. Simon was told to finish his tea while it was hot because Johnny had worked too hard to make it for it to go to waste. Then Johnny went over to Simon’s bed, picked up a random book from his side table, and settled in.

Just like that. Simon was shocked by how easy it’d been to kiss Johnny. How casually Johnny had handled it, not because he didn’t understand what he was being given, but because he did, and he was willing to let it not be a big deal if that’s what Simon wanted.

The fourth time they kissed, Johnny was the one to seek Simon out, and the kiss they shared wasn’t quite like the ones they’d shared up until that point.

Soap was being sent out on a mission that didn’t involve Ghost, and he was getting ready to leave when he found Ghost alone in Price’s office, getting the paperwork sorted and filed. Johnny was quieter than usual as he came into the room, and Ghost chalked it up to the pre-mission quiet Soap sometimes lapsed into. He was wrong, because Johnny asked him a bit timidly if he could get a kiss before he left.

Simon, helpless to deny Johnny anything on a good day and absolutely powerless against the sudden shyness, set the papers he was holding down and tugged his balaclava completely off his head. He shoved it into his jacket pocket as he crossed the space between him and Johnny, who was studying Simon’s face as he always did when it was bare, like he wasn’t sure he’d get the chance again.

Simon pulled Johnny in by his waist, grateful for the fact he’d taken his gloves off to make sorting papers easier, and Johnny anchored himself with his fingers in Simon’s hair. He kissed Johnny deeply and deliberately, tracing the shape of his body with his hands as if he could brand the prints into his flesh to be used like armor, protecting his reason to live while he was away from him.

They didn’t have long, so they couldn’t linger like they wanted to. Simon broke off first, then he pressed another kiss to Johnny’s forehead, one that said please come back to me in one piece. Johnny hugged him tightly and briefly before he stepped out of the safety of Simon’s arms, flashing a grin as he left the room along with a comment about how he’d see him in a week.

By the tenth kiss, Simon had acclimated to the new intimacy and was starting to learn, about himself and about Johnny.

Johnny couldn’t keep quiet even when he was being kissed, and Simon was having the immense pleasure of discovering all the musical noises Johnny could make. Simon paid close attention to what he did that caused the deep groans and the bitten-off whimpers so that he could cause them on command. They, along with the feel of Johnny’s mouth on his and his hands on his body and in his hair, became a drug that Simon was quickly and dangerously getting addicted to.

Simon liked tasting Johnny’s smile, liked feeling his ragged breath against his face, liked the feel of his skin against his. Liked that instinctual snap of Johnny’s hips against his own that happened when he started to feel pent-up. Liked the way Johnny clawed at his shoulders, his waist, his hips as he tried to get Simon closer, even if they were already pressed so tightly against each other there wasn’t even room for air between their bodies. He liked the way Johnny’s lips ended up looking, swollen and dark and wet with their saliva, and liked the way his own mouth throbbed like a new bruise.

Kissing Johnny, as it turned out, didn’t give Simon a gut-wrenching awareness of his own vulnerability like he’d feared. It didn’t feel like what am I doing, what am I risking. It felt like dropping a weight off his shoulders, felt like a sigh. Kissing Johnny felt like a homecoming, and it’d been so very long since Simon had felt at home.

#GOOD MORNIN’ MEXICO #what’s that thing I’ve been saying? #this got WILDLY OUT OF HAND #I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF #THEY’RE IN LOVE YOUR HONOR #I give them all the kisses #the casual kisses the vulnerable kisses the heated kisses #and now I offer them to you #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #soapghost #ghostsoap #call of duty #cod mwii #cod headcanons #it’s the crisis talking

[gayvampyr]

i hate adhd im literally doing nothing and i’m fucking procrastinating SLEEPING

#i know it’s because i’ve been guilt tripping myself into doing my hw but it isn’t working so i just keep pretending i’ll get something done #because if i go to bed now that means im unproductive and giving up #i hate it #adhd #text post

[stuckinapril]

Today was an off day for me but it’s fine bc tomorrow I’ll be back to waking up at the crack of dawn & having at least 4 hours of study time out of the way by 10 am & popping into my orgo lab for a couple hours & hitting the gym after & studying some more until I have 8 hours of studying down & being off my phone & taking chilly walks at sundown w my headphones in & squeezing 10 minutes in to memorize my poem for the month & also fitting in half an hour to do some light recreational reading. Today I think I’ll just be kind to myself. I’m just going to review a couple chapters, do some Anki cards, and prolly get my training for my neuro clinic internship done. Then I’ll have my relaxing pm shower & tuck into bed w a comfort movie. I just want to chill tn for the first time in such a long time

#i never give myself permission to just chill out for a day so this is nice #I’ve just been so lethargic today bc the puny hours of sleep r adding up #but I’ll just get some light stuff done so I don’t feel like I’ve totally derailed my schedule & be back to my 100% tomorrow #it’s fine. down days every now and then r normal. even if I can be hard on myself ab them #definitely no phone time tomorrow morning bc I just thrive best when I start my day off my screen #tonight will end w my skin moisturized & my favorite lip oil applied & perfume on my pulse & a movie on 🧘‍♀️ #p

[danothan]

tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things

#sounds kinda obvious but i only just realized it lmao #feels like i have to grieve a lot of my goals now but no one said the healing process would be easy #danbles #and for anyone else that has a disability that prevents them from doing smth #or trauma that makes certain triggers limit their opportunities #or neurotypes that make it harder for them to love smth like they used to #or whatever else #i don’t want to make it sound like you have to give up on the things that make you happy #I’M certainly not going to #but a huge value of mine has always been experiencing everything life had to offer #and everytime that backfires (whether it’s burnout; triggering a flashback; triggering an episode; putting strain on my body; etc) #i always just thought to myself ‘it was bad timing’ or ‘i haven’t gotten better yet’ bc the endgoal was to always get to that point where #i could experience it. i want to try new things all the time. i want to feel normal and be included in everything #but if smth keeps Making Me Feel Bad then maybe there isn’t a version of myself that can take it on #it’s not resilience to put yourself in harm’s way #idk how well i’ll be able to put this into practice tbh. i rly rly like exploring different experiences #even negative ones are valuable to me #but the least i can do for myself is recognize that i might not always be the problem #maybe i’ve already hit the limit on all the self-work i can do. maybe it’s the environment or situation itself that’s the problem #fuuck guys ​i feel like i’m going thru a stage of grief here why is this shit so hard 💀

[judeiscariot]

witnessing the horrors (my chemical romance live in concert)

#yknow i’m always like ‘yeah we’re pretty deep into this leg of the tour by now im used to the lives’ #and yet every time i fucking lose my mind #it’s like i’ve pavloved myself so the foundations swarming gives me uncontrollable butterflies and like makes my face heat up it’s a disease #jude.txt #mcr

[theswedishpajas]

Good morning 🦴🦴🦴

#my art stuff #digital art #undertale #horrortale #sans #papyrus #hey you you’re finally awake #meme #but like I am NOT gonna treat this as just some haha meme #the text is based on an ai chatbot ht sans I talked to one time #and it sounded too close not to make this for it #I am so incredibly happy with hos this turned out #ESPECIALLY the snow #I never knew how badly I needed to draw snow on some wooden planks #it was so easy and fun and gave a real pretty result #I’ve been able to give my art a lot more TLC lately cus of teaching myself ways to give myself more layers without all the same pressure #I’m so glad I can relax more with my art now #I hope I can draw more and share it with you guys #and also a big thanks to all the new followers and attention I’ve been getting recently!!! #I’m glad I can provide you guys with my niche ideas while they’re fresh #my attention is all over the place a lot so me sticking to the undertale stuff for this long instead of sadly switching interests- #-right as you find me has made me very happy #it always makes me feel bad when someone follows me for a very specific reason and I suddenly stop providing that content OTL #hope you guys are having a great day/night!!! love you all!!!!! #oH I SHOULD TAG #skyrim

[kuroosdarling]

hello friendz !! i am packing my bags and moving to @tetzoro !!! please come join me if ya want ^_^

back to navi.

#i’ve been so annoying about this all week to my buddies but i have made the decision to archive this blog ! #i’ve had so many good memories here and have met so many amazing people that i get to call my friends 🥹 #i’ll forever be thankful for this blog for giving me a safe space to be myself and fully indulge (aka go delulu) in anime men #a large part of me does not want to make the move but tbh it comes down to organization #when i made this blog i never thought i’d meet mutuals and find a community here #if i knew then what i knew now i would’ve just made a new blog from the start #but managing a main blog and side blog sucks !!! (for me) bc i view this as my main blog #and tbh a fresh start sounds really nice #so !! if u read all this im giving you a pat on the head and a freshly baked cookie #i hope to see u guys at my new blog !!! #i am going to try to follow a lot of u from it but also !!! #no pressure to become moots again if ya don’t wanna <33 #love y’all sm #ALSO ! i will be keeping this blog up #forever my shrine to kuroo tetsuro #(my new blog is still v kuroo - centric .. don’t get me wrong. he is still the man™️) #okay im nervous !! laterz !!! <3 #⁺. ʚ aims lore ɞ ⋆˙

[howdoyousleep3]

this is your reminder to listen to your body and your mind and give it what it wants ✨❣️

#personal #self care #it’s been a while #but I’ve been so sad lately and I have been trying hard to listen to my mind and body more #(and my therapist bc she’s trying to help me understand that rest of productive lol) #I walked around Target by myself and bought some things and ice cream #and now I’m sitting in bed naked eating said ice cream and I feel a little happier lol #you do you baby #give yourself what you want

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

me waiting for my writer’s block to fuck off and leave me alone so i can finish this chapter:

#my creativity is just so dead rn and it makes me want to crawl out of my own skin #i’ve been waiting MONTHS to finally have a little bit of free time to breathe and catch up on writing stuff #and naturally now that i have i am so mentally and emotionally drained i can barely string a sentence together #i feel so distant and detached from my characters #and yes i know it’ll pass #but i just feel so caught in this headspace rn and needed to vent #i’m SO close to finishing this chapter for good but i have well and truly fallen at the final hurdle #the perfectionism has got me #ugh #also if anyone reading this is worried about four walls being updated #please don’t #i literally circle through this headspace every single chapter #and it hasn’t stopped me yet #(and it never will either. i couldn’t give up on this fic if i tried) #but it’s just hitting me particularly hard this last week #why is writing such an agonising process sometimes #anyway #enough rambling from me for one night #i’ll drag myself back to my laptop and see if i can work some magic #wish me luck #writing stuff #lulu posts

[nazumichi]

i love just saying words. big fan of phrases too. sentences.

#raii talks a lot #everyday i discover that i’ve accidentally been saying certain phrases repeatedly for no reason no relation #this roster includes gems such as “y’all gay or something” “tasty” “ayy yo” “now me personally” and “i need to be put down” #giving myself the neutral look of displeasure whenever something vaguely good or interesting happens and i say “ohoho tasty” on impulse

[vintage-brass-tc]

I miss the slightly more intimate moments we shared before she came along. Back when you had on-and-off girlfriends and I was a constant in your life…maybe as a student, but a constant: I was someone who actually cared about you and gave you my undivided attention, always. You’d look at me like I was special. Treat me so carefully, so kindly. Allow yourself to talk to me casually.

Now, those moments only come once in a blue moon, only within the moments that she’s gone. But she’s almost never gone…. because she follows you around like a lost puppy. Literally. Always lingers awkwardly when you’re occupied, just to swoop by you again when you’re alone. And you let her.

You recently shared a hotel room. You always share the same car on the rides to school. You always sit next to each other. You’re always talking. Smiling. Laughing. Joking. Relaxed posture. Similar characteristics. Standing in such a close proximity, sometimes leaning closer to the other’s face just to hear them mutter— it’s all so sickening. I’m unbelievably jealous. She’s HOPELESS. I’m hopeless.

She has no clue how lucky she is… and yet she still has the gall to glare at me when I walk over to him and she’s nearby. It ticks me off. Like, there’s NO reason you should be mad at a junior for approaching her DIRECTOR. You can NOT be mad about me wasting your time with him when you literally have THE WHOLE DAY!!! You follow him so much you might as well have a string attached to him. Constant, constant, constant interactions. Maybe he’ll get sick of it. God knows how long he can handle someone emotionally dependent like she seems to be.

She’s so dependent on him always and it makes my blood boil. I wish he’d one, admit to our class that they’re dating and just go ahead and break my heart, two, admit to me that her clinginess annoys him and he doesn’t want anything to do with her romantically, or three…. just BREAK IT OFF! Stop hanging out! Get away from her! Make some boundaries! ANYTHING to get her away from you!!! I just can’t stand it!!!!

ugh

#Now she’s the clingiest person ever to you #and you allow it because you stand so close to her all the time #GET AWAY FROM HIM STOP STANDING SND SITTING NEXT TO HIM ALL THE TIME #STOP GIVING ME A SIDE EYE WHEN YOU SEE ME LOOKING AT HIM OR WALKING OVER TO HIM #STOP BEING SO DAMN CLINGY #GIVE HIM SOME SPACE #HE HAS TO DRIVE YOU EVERY DAY #I’M SO JEALOUS I’VE NEVER BEEN THIS JEALOUS BEFORE #I HATE HER #I HATE HER SO MUCH #SHE NEEDS TO GET AWAY FROM HIM #I want to shoot myself every time they get closer to each other or their shoulders brush #Alexa play Blame It On the Rain acoustic #because you will NEVER love him the same way I do #❤️ #U #personal #teacher crush #teacher crush community #tc community #tc #tcc #tc post #tcc post #tc feelings #tc ramblings #tc thoughts #teacher attachment #tc attachment

[thetwilightroadtonightfall]

I need n e e d to ramble about Eph’s family again because it’s the only thing keeping me from ripping a door off of its hinges atm—but wait! I’m doing something different today. I’m gonna go backwards in the family tree (which you can view here if you wish! But it’s not necessary for the purposes of this post)

So a lil while ago on twitter, @/kwoojii asked for Ephemera backstory headcanons (well specifically they also asked about his commitment issues 😄) so I figured why not share what I said and expand on it here?

I need to give additional context, because this goes into general edgy headcanon territory. Below are screenshots from one of my fic documents [Overmorrow Character and Lore Files - File 3 (pgs 2-3)] explaining what I imagine the situation in Daybreak Town is:

Now to get into the main part: My backstory headcanon for Ephemera is that he was raised by two moms. They owned a library, and even had a small textile business on the side. As you can probably guess, Eph grew up surrounded by books, and got his scarf from them. They loved him dearly, and tried their best to give him a good life.

But they fell on hard times. In the midsts of their struggles, they were eventually approached by the MoM. They talked a lot and came around to trust the clever, charismatic, even sympathetic guy. And he made them a promise that their son would be well cared for under his watch 👁️ So, convinced by the MoM’s words…these mothers choose to give up their only child in hopes that he’ll have a better quality of life elsewhere.

Eph has very vague memories of them. He remembers being loved, but he also remembers being abandoned and left alone for a long time (however long it takes for the MoM to get things set up in Daybreak Town; I assume the kids are kept in some liminal space in the meantime).….hence the commitment issues. He learns to figure things out on his own, and that carries over into his early days as a keyblade wielder. He likes being with people, but he relies on himself first and foremost. He tends to keep a bit of emotional distance between himself and others without meaning to because he subconsciously thinks that one day, they might leave him too. It’s easier to be the one who leaves than it is to be the one who gets left behind.

But this makes his bond with the other union leaders and Player all the more meaningful, because they all choose to stand together again and again, despite the odds, and their own personal doubts and fears.

It’s a bit of a downer, I know…but I assume it’d be like that not just for Eph and his parents, but for most of the other Daybreak kids and their parents too.

…Can I perhaps offer you some of my old doodles from last year as consolation? 😄

Phoebe Ophiuchus (left) and Paraphernalia “Nalia” Lumen (right), the lesbians that started it all 🤍

#khux #ephemer #my headcanons #my art #the ophiuchus family tree #s/o to eph and his moms for giving me a very specific type of brainrot long before ml existed! #with how much I’ve been yapping about his family lately I’m genuinely surprised at myself that I’ve never talked about phoebe and nalia! #I created them in like….2018 I think. well now you know I guess!! #my posts #timeless child #my ocs #phoebe oc #paraphernalia oc

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

woke up before noon. feeling genuine hatred towards a lot of things right now

#first: my siblings who have trained the massive dog to jump on people. hate them a lot. he got mud all over the only outfit #that genuinely doesn’t give me sensory issues. very upset. yes i am literally crying about it now i have to do laundry a day early and #all my plans are ruined #second: the fact that i have to eat food. not a fan. i don’t want to cook i don’t want to deal with that #third: the fact that i feel like i’ve wasted my life because i low-key hate being a psych major but i know i’m unable to change my major #because i’m so tired of school and i just want it to be over and i would lose it if i signed myself up for like 2 more years just because #i want to go into a different field and 2 years isn)t that long but i don’t have another 2 years in me i’ve been here since i was like 16 #fourth: my fridge which i’d notable apple juice-less

[greg-montgomery]

if you’re yearning too much for something it means you’re gonna get it right? it means it’s meant for you RIGHT??

#……………………………i’m yearning #i wanna meet my soulmate i’m so done like it’s time come OUT babe pspspsps stop hiding #i’ve actually set a time frame (i’m on the verge of insanity) for the universe #like i give myself till summer to be single and focus on myself and healing #and then have a summer love which is coincidentally going to be the loml and we’ll get married #it’s all rooted back to the fact that i got to experience so many things with someone who not only didn’t love me #but also didn’t care about my feelings #so now i’m like 🤲🏻 love? 🤲🏻 affection? 🤲🏻 care? 🤲🏻 #🤲🏻 being actually important to my person? 🤲🏻

[reamed]

my hair is so long what tha fuckkkk

#txt #I’m so happy #it’s healthy too #I had to instances where my hair was so shit #first was giving myself a rlly bad haircut and I had to jus chop it lol #the other was when I was working my other job and #I was literally pulling my hair out without even realizing #but I’ve gotten alot better at not fucjing with it :3 #and it’s so pretty and long now :3