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#and not just because I possess the disorder
scorpihoe1111 · 2 days
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Astrology Observations: Part 3🎀🩷
Mars aspecting the ASC can give the individual a dominating demeanor, but also mainly depends on which aspect. Ex: Harmonius Aspects (trine/sextile)=Straightforward, honest, stand their ground, strong boundaries, not one to be pushed around. Harsh Aspects (square/opp)= Aggressive, domineering, rude, blunt, obnoxious.
(TW: Death) Your 8H sign and planet may tell you how you pass away. Ex: Gemini moon in the 8H= Lungs, breathing problems, asthma. Moon= emotional turmoil, stress, heart break etc
Asteroids like Medusa (149) or Aphrodite (1388) can show you what people envy about you, what they admire, where they may attempt to bring you shame etc. Ex: Medusa in the 1H can attract envy over their appearance, their aura and demeanor. People could attempt to “humble” these individuals often. Aphrodite in the 2H can make others admire your money, your possessions, may wanna know how you have what you have so they can have it too.
Aphrodite (1388) can result in people not just admiring wherever the house it’s in, but also being malicious and petty over it since they feel they deserve it more.
Lilith in the houses is similar to this, and can result in those around you being annoyed when you do things in regards to the house and sign it is in. Ex: Sagittarius Lilith in the 2H= people could be upset when you relax, when you have fun, when you don’t play by made up rules and standards, when you’re genuinely happy, when you have nice things, when you take a break, when you indulge etc, because they have this mindset of “I never got to do that/have that, why should you”. Lilith in the 1H= people getting annoyed that you may be beautiful and they’re not, painting you as a villain because you’re pretty.
Cancer moons are surprisingly really good with holding boundaries with people in their lives. These people can be lover girls/boys, for sure; but they refuse to let people take advantage of them. Their love, effort and care is reserved for those who will appreciate them in return.
(TW: Mental Health) Take this with a grain of salt since it’s just an observation and not a fact, but those I’ve met with a combo of Scorpio/Gemini in personal planets in a chart are usually diagnosed with BPD, while those I’ve met with either Virgo/Aries/Gemini in a chart combined have usually been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder/OCD. 12H and 8H stelliums I’ve also met have had some sort of mental illness such as BPD or Schizophrenia.
Jupiter in the 1H, Sag/Pisces risings and/or Jupiter aspecting ASC/personal planets usually manage to get out of difficult situations easily. These people easily attract the help they need, the resources to do what they need, the money to get them where they want to be; very easily. Even when people with these placements/aspects get in trouble they usually manage to make it out very easily as well. Jupiter blesses and makes lucky anything it touches.
People think that Mercury in the 1H might usually talk alot about themselves, and while that may be true; it’s also true that they simply attract people who love to know about them and ask questions in regards to them. Mercury 1H individuals seem to be interesting to others and peak others curiosity about them. Others find them fascinating, thus constantly asking questions about them.
On the other hand, Mercury 3H individuals may be very close with their siblings, or their siblings can be popular/known/famous which could make the 3H person known for their siblings. This results in the 3H person consistently hearing about their siblings, getting asked questions or discussing topics in regards to their siblings. Same thing with school, this person may have either really good or really bad grades in regards to school so their main conversations with others could be in regards to school topics.
A Virgo rising individual at their worst can be obsessed with popularity/attention/validation (Leo 12H) amongst their peers. They may not come off that way, and they themselves may not even know that they secretly love being in the center. Without realizing, they subconsciously try their hardest to be the best at everything, the smartest, the prettiest/handsomest, and when at their lowest they have no issue with taking down others who they deem threatening to their spotlight. They can also be secretly judgmental of those who they deem to be lesser, or not as attractive than they are.
Similarly, I’ve noticed Scorpio Risings at their worse can be very jealous and insecure individuals as well when it comes to appearances/validation. I’ve noticed this in women with this placement mostly, but when they’re at their lowest/undeveloped, they’re the type to only be friends with or surround themselves around people they think are worse than they are whether appearance, status, popularity wise etc. Undeveloped Scorpio rising females can be very competitive and refuse to have someone who’s possibly better than they are around them, since they don’t want to be compared to the other person or not chosen/not the favorite.
Libra moon’s are the people that start the drama and then say “I don’t like drama” lol. What they really mean is they love it, as long as they’re not involved
If you find that you always have bad experiences with those whose signs fall in your 11H, check your sidereal chart. Odds are your 11H sign in your western chart is the 12H sign in your sidereal, which would explain the bad experiences.
Aquarius women are always so successful in everything they do, I’ve rarely met an Aquarius woman that doesn’t have their shit together in every category. They’re giving face, body, money, career, healthy love life and social life etc. The men on the other hand…
Yes, those with Saturn in the 7H have a hard time finding the one. They go through years of cycles and repetitive situations in love but those who find their person find their FOREVER person. People with this placement may be the last to be in a relationship/get married amongst their peers, however they’re usually the happiest and most successful once they do compared to friends or family who just hurried up and settled and usually separate/divorce. Saturn 7H’s standards and boundaries may also seem to high or unrealistic to those around them, but they’re just asking for bare minimum. It only seems that way to others around them because they were raised in a group or environment that had no standards low key.
The good thing about 2H stelliums is that you attract money, possessions and success super easily. The bad thing is that those around you could ONLY see you as your success/money, and may try to bleed you dry of what you have and take advantage. Strong boundaries and not being overly giving is recommended with these placements.
Mars in the 12H can attract people who are secretly aggressive or hostile towards them. They may never know someone is holding a grudge on them and they may attract secret animosity or competition as a result. May have issues with male figures in their life and won’t even know it.
Jupiter in the 6H, especially with Cancer or Libra there; get along with animals sooo well. These are literal pet whisperers and it’s rare for them to not have at least 3 cats/dogs. They love animals more than people sometimes.
Part 4 will be out soon. 👏🏻
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cevansbrat0007 · 10 hours
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New In Town
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Summary: Introducing Chapter One of my Sweet Renegades Series. Sparks fly when you accidentally find yourself sitting next to Bounty Hunter, Ari Levinson.
Warnings: Mature Themes, Ari Being A Menace, Mentions of Death and Grief, Mentions of Book Boyfriends, Allusions to Disordered Eating, Cursing, Minors DNI
A/N: Major thanks to @curls-and-eyeliner for helping me plot out this chapter. This story is part of my Sweet Renegades Series. Not beta'd. All mistakes are my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. Thanks for reading!
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It was happening again. You could feel him doing it. You knew without turning your head that the bastard had gone back to staring.
At you.
Gritting your teeth, you make a point of adjusting the skirt of your dress before returning your focus to Reverend Turner at the pulpit. Trying your best to ignore the hum of electricity in your veins, you find yourself wishing that you’d opted to stay home today. After all, you hadn’t been to church in ages. 
So what on earth possessed you to return today?
It’s not like you were concerned for your immortal soul or anything. On the contrary, you and God were good. You were even on speaking terms again – now that you’d finally forgiven him for calling your Uncle Leon home before you were ready to let him go.
That had been nearly three years ago.
These days, your grief has taken a backseat in favor of running the town’s only bookshop, Baubles & Quills. Once owned by your Uncle, the store had become your sanctuary as you’d struggled to cope with the loss of the only family you’d ever had. 
And now that you’d deemed life worth living again you’d apparently decided that attending Calvary Baptist Church’s Sunday morning service was a good idea. But the one thing you hadn’t counted on when you’d politely – and strategically – taken a seat in the pew closest to the door was that you’d end up sharing it with the likes of him.    
That bounty hunter fella that you’d been hearing about for the last week. His arrival had practically sent your little town into a regular feeding frenzy. Word on the street was that he was investigating something that had to do with your old high school pal, Martin Westbrook.
At least that’s what Charline Marshall had said when she’d stopped by your shop to return a book she’d purchased because she didn’t care for the ending. While you weren’t usually one for gossip, you’d been intrigued by her, ah, description of the handsome stranger that had taken up residence just a few blocks south of where you lived.
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Two Days Ago…
“His name is Ari Levinson. Kinda strange, right?” She’d whispered conspiratorially, running a hand through her copper colored tresses . “But he’s a tall drink of water with the prettiest blue eyes I‘ve ever seen.”
“Oh really?” You’d mumbled, frowning at the crease that adorned the spine of the paperback book in your hands. Another one for the discount rack.
“Mhm. He’s handsome all over.” Charline had continued, picking up one of your more elaborate looking bookmarks and pretending to study it before using it to fan herself. “And not only that, but…” She’d leaned in then, letting her freshly manicured nails lightly graze your arm. “I think he likes me.”
“Oh? Has he come out and said that?” Your eyes had gone wide as you’d feigned interest. Because of course the man would be into Charline Anne Marshall. Who wouldn’t be? The woman was beautiful and, what’s more, she knew it.  
“Well, I mean…not yet.” The woman had let out a disappointed little sigh. “But I’m almost certain he will. I’m just giving him time to get settled in, you know?” She’d said, her perfectly painted lips curving into a smile as she held out a hand for her change. 
“How kind of you.” Good Lord how you wished you could hurry things along so you could go back to enjoying your peace and quiet. 
“Ari has already interviewed me twice. He even gave me his number, just in case I happen to remember anything else.” She’d tucked the cash from her return into her purse. “I think I might call him up and tell him that my memory works best after a couple of drinks. Think that’ll work?”
“I guess you’ll never know if you don’t try.” Even though you were annoyed, you’d pasted on a fake smile and closed the register, hoping that might be enough to convince her to end the conversation and move on already.
“Why, I think you just might be right.” Your unwanted guest holds up the bookmark that’s still in her grasp, her unspoken question hanging in the air. “And this?”
“It’s on the house, Charline.” You’d patiently replied, bracing your elbows on the counter. “Best of luck landing your bounty hunter beau.”
“Well, aren’t you just a gem?” She’d all but squealed, sounding positively giddy as she took a step back. “You know, I bet if you spent a little more time out in the real world instead of holed-up in here with all these books, you’d probably be able to land a man too. You’d be awful pretty if you’d just put in a little bit of effort into it. I mean –” 
“No thanks.” You’d simply shrugged, unable to summon up enough energy to be outraged by the dig. 
It wasn’t worth the breath you would waste trying to explain why you were better off keeping the company of your book boyfriends. A real man required too much care and feeding for your tastes. 
“If you say so, sugar. But–” She’d responded as she strode towards the door. “Oh! You should come to my next party. We’ll let Mary Kay sponsor your makeover.”   
'No offense, Charline, but I’d rather put a campfire out with my face than attend your next Mary Kay get-together featuring you and ten of your mother’s closest friends.' You'd thought to yourself.
“Uh, maybe. We’ll see.” You’d hedged before turning on your heel and heading in the direction of the stockroom. “Enjoy the bookmark!” God, you’d never been so happy to hear someone exit your shop than you were at that moment.
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Which brought you back to the present. You’re startled out of your reverie when the congregation erupts into thunderous applause, signaling the end of Reverend Turner’s sermon.  You knew you were going to have to move quickly if you wanted to avoid any unwanted attention from other members of the flock. 
Or worse yet: be forced into making small talk with Ari Levinson. Assuming that beast of a man actually possessed enough brain cells to actually string together a sentence or two. Which was a shame because he really was easy on the eyes. 
Unfortunately for you, you don’t realize that now you’re the one who’s staring until you notice the corner of his mouth tilt up in a smirk. Shit. The cocky lawman nods his head in your direction before having the audacity to mouth the word: “howdy”. It almost makes you wonder what his voice would sound like. 
Would his southern drawl be thick and rough, or smooth and easygoing? Assuming he was southern, that is.
Feeling your cheeks heat, you make fast work of grabbing your things before scooting out of the pew, doing your best to sneak out of the service before everyone is formally dismissed. The absolute last thing you needed was to have this man thinking you were like every other woman in this town who was willing to practically trip over herself just to get a good look at him. 
On your way out you brush past Sister Mary Jo Winans, who is all too eager to follow you out the door and halfway down the front stairs.
So much for making a clean getaway.
“You’re not staying for the potluck?” She wheezes, gripping the railing as she struggles to catch her breath. 
“Afraid not, Sister Winans.” You tell her while digging through your purse for your keys. “I’ve gotta go home and change so I can head over to the shop.”
“But it’s Sunday, honey.” The matronly woman huffs, adjusting the angle of her wide-brim church hat. “This is the day that the Lord has made. We are to rejoice and be glad in it. It’s all right there in the good Book.”
“Be that as it may, Sister, I’m afraid I can’t stay. Plus I wouldn’t feel right about eating when I didn’t bring a dish to contribute, so…” You offer up a one-armed shrug. “Next time.” 
You also weren’t a fan of eating in front of people. You were always self-conscious about whatever you put on your plate, convinced that you were being judged for your choices. Your stomach growls at the mention of food, reminding you that you’d left some cottage cheese and fruit behind at the shop. That would just have to do until you found the wherewithal to make it to the grocery store.   
“But–”
“Next time. I promise.” You kindly interrupt, hoping that she would just let the issue drop. “By the way, I set aside a copy of Joyce Meyer’s latest book for you.”
“You did?”
“Yep.” You confirm as you begin walking backwards towards the nearby parking lot. “Stop by anytime. We’ll consider it an early birthday present, alright?” Smiling when she nods, you toss her a little wave before speed walking the rest of the way to your car. 
Unlocking it, you climb in the driver’s seat and slam the door before gunning the engine. Finally free, you peel out of the lot and turn onto the empty street. Needing to focus on something other than your thoughts about a certain bounty hunter, you decide to turn up the radio, praying for your traitorous brain to cooperate. 
Yeah, no such luck. 
“Fuck you, Levinson.” You spit, wishing that he was close enough to hear you right then. Because the way you saw it, the sooner he packed his shit and moved on, the better off you and everyone else in this godforsaken town would be. And if he knew what was good for him, he’d stay far away from you.
He’d have more luck getting information out of a drunk Charline than he would trying to get you to spill your guts. And the moment he threatened you, you were planning to call Bell’s Creek PD to let them deal with it. Until then, you had some empty shelves to stock. But first…
You were gonna need to find someone to cut you out of these damned spanx.
END 
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pyrriax · 6 months
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if i see the words "split personality" one more time i think i will explode.
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squeakadeeks · 2 years
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someone in my complex has decided to dump all of his biking stuff onto my porch, blocking about 30% of it (and for context, everyone gets a porch so he has one of his own as well that he just doesnt want to use). its already been a while that he’s left it there, and i did leave a note like “hey hombre, please dont put your stuff on my porch that i’m paying for because it’s inconsiderate, but also because I use a ridiculous amount of spray paint + spray adhesives + dremeling out here and your bike is going to get overspray” but he still hasnt moved it 
i just hope he realizes that he has T-minus 48 hours to move his stuff off my porch before i go full sicko mode because after the year I’ve had im brimming with insanity to a psychopathic degree. i’m also brimming with the aforementioned spray adhesives and his bike seat is right there 
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kvetchs · 2 years
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no i do hate thinking about how pervasive my anxiety disorder is in my life
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hydrostorm · 2 years
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i would like to pioneer the headcanon that all the belmonts have tourettes and its a contributing factor in how theyre such special and powerful fighters
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vaspider · 13 days
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Measure 110, or the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
So if y'all aren't local to Oregon, you may not have heard that the Oregon state legislature just voted to -- essentially -- gut Measure 110, the ballot measure which decriminalized all drug possession and use in the state. It turned all drug use into a citation instead, and the citation and fine could be waived by completing a health screening. The entire point of Measure 110 was replacing jail with health care and services to help people instead, and while I could probably write a very long side post on the imperfections of that approach, it was at the very least a move in the right direction after decades of the pathetic failure and absolutely racist mess that is the "War on Drugs."
You may hear this pointed to in coming years as a reason why we have to just throw people into jail for using drugs, because Measure 110 failed. And like... it did fail, kinda. Sorta. It failed in that it did not manage to fix everything immediately, and it created some new issues while also exposing older issues more sharply.
It also saved the state $40 million in court costs prosecuting low-level drug offenses, kept thousands of people whose literal only crime was putting a substance into the body of a consenting adult (themselves) out of jail, put at least one addiction services center in every county in the state, invested $300 million in addiction services, and an awful lot more. See the end of this post for more reading.
But where it failed, it failed because it wasn't supported. Police and advocacy groups both asked for specific tickets for this new class of offenses which had the phone number to call to go through the health screening and the information about how going through that health screening would make the ticket go away printed on it prominently - lawmakers declined to fund this. Governor Kotek budgeted $50K to train officers on how to handle these new citations and how to direct people to the treatment and housing supports, but lawmakers thought that training officers on this new law at all was a waste of money. Money moved extremely slowly out to the supports that were supposed to come into play to help people obtain treatment or get access to harm-reduction strategies. People freaked the fuck out about clean-needle outreach, fentanyl testing strip distribution, Narcan training, and other harm-reduction strategies.
And at the end of the day, Measure 110 gets called a failure because it wasn't a silver bullet. Never mind that thousands of people are not sitting in jail right now for basically no fucking reason. Never mind that people have gotten treatment, harm has been reduced, overdoses have been prevented...
So, yeah. You'll probably start hearing this trotted out as proof that, well, we triiiied decriminalizing drugs, but look what happened in Portland! Well, what happened in Oregon is that we got set up to fail, and still didn't fail, just didn't totally succeed.
Measure 110 highlights, quoted directly from Prison Policy Initiative:
The Oregon Health Authority reported a 298% increase in people seeking screening for substance use disorders.
More than 370,000 naloxone doses have been distributed since 2022, and community organizations report more than 7,500 opioid overdose reversals since 2020.
Although overdose rates have increased around the country as more fentanyl has entered the drug supply, Oregon’s increase in overdoses has been similar to other states’ and actually less than neighboring Washington’s. A peer-reviewed study comparing overdose rates in Oregon with the rest of the country after the law went into effect found no link between Measure 110 and increased overdose rates.
There is no evidence that drug use rates in Oregon have increased. A cross-sectional survey of people who use drugs across eight counties in Oregon found that most had been using drugs for years; only 1.5% reported having started after Measure 110 went into effect.
There has been no increase in 911 calls in Oregon cities after Measure 110.
Measure 110 saves Oregonians millions. Oregon is expected to save $37 million between 2023-2025 if Measure 110 continues. This is because it costs up to $35,217 to arrest, adjudicate, incarcerate, and supervise a person taken into custody for a drug misdemeanor — and upwards of $60,000 for a felony. In contrast, treatment costs an average of $9,000 per person. The money saved by Measure 110 goes directly to state funding for addiction and recovery services.
There is no evidence that Measure 110 was associated with a rise in crime. In fact, crime in Oregon was 14% lower in 2023 than it was in 2020.
Further reading/sources:
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willow-schmillow · 1 month
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Traumagenic disorders (like most disorders, I believe) can look very different in remission or during/after successful treatment than they do when someone is at their worst.
In the traumatic situations I was in, my DID presented with frequent amnesia and dissociation (depersonalization and derealization,) flat affect, and uncontrollable mood swings. Out of the situations but before treatment, it looked like frequent flashbacks and possessive switching, more amnesia, and several conflicts between alters.
Now, after a few years in therapy, my DID looks like functioning as one unit, co-consciousness and easy communication, frequent blending, and fusion being possible between even parts who had high conflict with each other.
I still have DID. It just looks different in treatment (especially since I'm working towards final fusion, it's not going to present the same way someone with untreated, unmanaged DID will present.) I've lowered dissociative barriers via work in therapy - I'm still a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder.
I personally don't see it as "recovering from DID" but "recovering with DID." When I fuse, I will hopefully have the skills to deal with stress in a way that doesn't trigger splitting again, but I don't negate the years I struggled with this disorder. That doesn't stop being a part of my history any more than recovering from my eating disorder did.
This is not even to mention people who pursue functional multiplicity - their DID doesn't stop being DID because they're in a healthier, happier state.
No syscourse interactions.
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yyouzip · 3 months
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FS pick a pile!
————>>> ★ this reading includes…
- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them
- a description of your FS
- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them
-what the relationship will be like
-songs with the vibe of you and your fs
-random things that may resonate:
+ a mini mood board :)
CW: very very very brief mentions of sexuality (sexuality as in things about sex and not orientation.)
!! the future is destined to change depending on you, so don’t take this as absolute truth. this is just for fun !!
look at an image, and pick whichever resonates. (it’s totally fine to pick more than one.) take what resonates leave what doesn’t.
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pile 1
- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 9oC, 8oS rx, kingoW. (9oW knightoP 4oW 6oP the world all rx)
so for starters, you might end up manifesting the FS of your wishes with or without realizing. with the 8 of swords rx and king of wands, it looks like you’ll be manifesting them intentionally. after a long journey of manifesting and looking at the big picture with optimism and knowing that this person will come into your life, you’ll be able to sit down and watch them come in without any shock or surprise. you’ll be feeling immense joy and gratitude at their presence. it might have a bit of a kdrama vibe if anything. very cheerful and happy.
your first impression may be/may have been that they are someone who is reserved and unwilling to take risks. they may seem a bit defensive and paranoid and a bit of a perfectionist. as well as someone who comes from a difficult/traumatic background full of conflict and instability. you may get the impression that this person didn’t have a good childhood or home life. they also give the impression of someone who is more worried about taking care of themselves before others. because of this, they don’t give the impression of a generous person. they seem very insecure and as if they are seeing closure or peace somehow. they don’t seem complete as a human and seem to have been broken by their life or the world. :(.
- a description of your FS 2oS, 7oS, 6oC, 4oP, QueenoCups ex, 8oW, 9oS., 8oC
they may seem like someone who wears/has more cool tones? emphasis on the eyes (mb glasses or peculiar/alluring eyes?) someone younger/young looking who wears dark clothing or has a more “edgy” fashion sense. their young look and style of clothing may contrast a bit. they’ll visually have very mysterious and alluring vibe. the kind of person who wanna know more about because they just look mysterious and unique. they might look wealthy and smell very good.
they’ll be very possessive and reserved. unwilling to share with others and refrains from admitting things freely or even speaking a lot. they hide a lot of pain and it overwhelms them. they’ll be very sensitive and dependent on you and break easily when any pressure is placed on them. they’ll still be very exciting and a fast decision maker. who enjoys doing fun things on a whim. just for fun. they might be very fearful and anxious, maybe even to the point of a mental disorder enhancing those issues. the 9oS and 8oC literally popped up out of nowhere and they were hiding in a weird spot, like i don’t even remember pulling them out? makes me think your FS could be the kind of person who hides these issues in particular. they are plagued with the horrible memories of the past and may be prone to nightmares and the idea of abandonment and loneliness is what scares them the most.
- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them the moon, the magician, 10oP, the fool, kingoP, 4oW
your FS feels like you’re a bit uncertain, and possibly hiding something. this “something” may have to do with something in the realm of loa, shifting, tarot, etc? they see u as someone very very complex and magical. they feel like there’s a bit of an illusion with you and you may be putting up a front. they feel like you’re someone with so much willpower and desire. very great at manifesting and getting what you want and hard work. they think you’re very wealthy and well connected with others. you’re a family person (biological or found family, whatever resonates.) and a loving and kind person with an abundance of wealth and resources at your hand. they think you’re very beautiful and so loving as well as hard working. they love you so much!
you’ll see them as someone who’s very spontaneous and free. they may be younger than you btw. they seem willing to take new chances and a very free spirit. like a wanderer or a traveller innocently stumbling around and enjoying what they run into and willing to accept the world presented to them. you see them as a good business person and an ambitious person. you feel like they are hard working, very rich, and smart. (i feel like you two will be very wealthy..) they seem attractive and sensual to you. they give me sort of of kdrama bf vibes. we’re u trying to manifest yourself a kdrama style romance and fs? hahaha. you feel like they’re a bit unstable and unable to really ground themselves. you feel like they feel unsupported and it makes u rlly sad.
-what the relationship will be like knightoW rx the emporer 6oW, 4oP 8oW
despite the previously stated issues, the relationship will be very healthy and stable. you might be a more authoritative figure in this relationship. w the emperor and the previous cards abt ur fs i’m getting like “daddy/mommy issues” and one person finding comfort in the other for being more mature or a bit older as well more structured. still, energy may be a bit scattered at times and frustrating. it may be hard to communicate with each other and see eye to eye. as well as arguing with no feeling of achievement or recognition. you or they may get a bit egotistic and you’ll seek personal achievement in winning arguments. still, you’ll love each other a lot and want to be close forever and always. you guys may be a bit clingy and very very close. probably possessive of each other. you just love each other a lot and want to be emotionally, mentally, and physically close 24/7! you may propel each other to your goals a lot faster and feel very aligned. overall it’ll be a very emotional but loving relationship.
songs with you and your fs vibe: cool with you by newjeans, either way by ive, basically the whole soundtrack from all about lily chou chou, snooze by agust d, julia and green mile by sza, velvet ring by big thief,
things that may resonate: cats, cars, gaeul from ive (?), the ocean, the sunrise at 6:00 am, the sea again, the number 34, teenagers in love, falling asleep during a long drive, white rooms, accubi fashion, metaphysical stores, stepping into a body of water and its cold for a second
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Pile 2
- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 10oC, 7oS, the empress rx, QoP, AoS rx, KnoW
for starters, your meeting will feel like fate. like an act from the divine and absolute alignment. your meeting will likely be a random coincidence. w 7oS, i see it being the result of sneaking around? maybe you were sneaking our or meeting up with people you weren't supposed to. very "right place right time" kind of situation. you definitely weren't supposed to be in this situation and you likely felt nervous. maybe skipping school/work? you felt on edge and happened to meet this person very coincidentally.
immediately, you thought this person was a practical and smart person. very kind, gentle, and nurturing. they seem very clean and almost luxurious. very goal oriented and sooo gentle. despite this, you likely had a negative first encounter. i think there was alot of bickering and because of this they came off as someone who was greedy and selfish, unwilling to hear from others. they seem very adventurous and passionate with leadership qualities. this is kind of screaming YA novel hahaha.
- a description of your FS PoS, 6oW rx, AoP, PoW, 4oW, KnoW
they have a very unique style of dressing and a heavy feminine energy for sure (that doesnt mean they are female, they just carry a significant amount of feminine energy.) they seem to be a fashion person who is able to creatively make their own unique and beautiful outfits. like the kind of person youd see on pintrest or trending on tiktok. veryyy unique fashion sense with an airy and dreamy sort of feel. like those frutiger aero playlists vibes kinda. and ditto by newjeans if that resonates? they like how they dress and look and dont care what other people think at all. alot of people may dislike their style and even tease/make fun of them for it, but they like it so its fine. their unconventional looks might land them alot of modelling jobs or things akin to that. they also look very dreamy (like their features) and sorta surreal. they give me a y2k vibe.
they're very extroverted and willing to speak to people without any fear or worry for judgement. they're very cheerful and joyous with positive energy all around them. they're well balanced and harmonious, clicking with others very well. also very relaxed and relaxing to be around! they can be very passionate and willing to take a lot of action. i get very smart vibes from them. like extrovert, popular, probably going to harvard kind of person. they really just happily enjoy their life and being alive.
- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them 5oP rx KoP 8oP rx QoS judgement rx 10oW rx wheel of fortune rx 8oS rx
they feel like youre someone who welcomes them with open arms whenever and wherever. they think you are their recovery or ailment when they loose something. and they feel like you are a positive change to their life/world. you seem very reliable to them and like a stable force in their life. you're very protective to them as well as a strong intelligent being. and to them you're very safe, kind, and sexually attractive. they find you to be very forgiving and independent, able to follow ridgid principles and and be fair and critical when needed. but still, you seem harsh on yourself. they feel like you need to learn to love yourself better and stop doubting yourself as well as stop self loathing.
you feel like they lift a burden off of your shoulders. like they release your pains and worries by being with you. but sometimes, they feel overwhelming. maybe you like to be alone often? so as much as you love them, you can get a bit overwhelmed and fatigued. they make you feel like youre a bit of a babysitter at times and not a partner. you feel like they try to micromanage things and control what can't be controlled, and it's a bit troublesome. regardless, you adore them. it feels like they can be a bit too spontaneous and it feels like you have sudden, unwelcome changes in your life that are a result of them. with them, you think you can release your negative thoughts and embrace the positive. they make you feel like you can run away from the harsh realities around you and be embraced by freedom. when you're with them, you feel like you're dreaming a bit, in a good way. like you're in another reality where you don't have negative self thoughts and your inner critic shuts up.
-what the relationship will be like KoS 5oS rx the heirophant death
itll be mentally empowering, like for the first time the both of you will have your feelings validated. one of you will be more authoritative, but itll be mutually agreed upon so dw. being w them feels like understanding absolute truth almost. like you dont need to think about other things when you're with them. you just need to love them and enjoy it. in a way, its like being with them was the death of your past pain and negative cycles, and reconciling with love as you grow a love for it. you're arguments wont even be like real arguments, just constructive conversations leaving everyone happy in the end. v v mature. you both may be very spiritual/religious and your relationship might be very traditionally. maybe you're both from the same culture or religion and bond over it.
songs w u and ur fs vibe: sex drugs etc. by beach weather, all night by beyonce, get up by newjeans, potage by tricot, future by paramore, mistakes like this by prelow, crying lightning by arctic monkey, promise by jimin, i need u and run by bts, luma from super mario galaxy
things that may resonate: the colour blue, hyyh/bts youth trilogy, running away from home, adventure, spray paint, youth, teenage years, kpop girl group leaders, rose quartz, a mature or older fs w a "sexy" image, friend groups, enemies to lovers ?, reading and intelligence, femininity and sensuality, shifting realities, academic validation, skateboarding in the suburbs during summer
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Pile 3
- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them AoC rx the empress rx 5oC rx 7oW the sun rx 3oW rx 10oW rx
youll be feeling depressed most likely, feeling gloomy and empty because of insecurities and self neglect. like very very low mood (i wanted to cry as soon as i pulled these cards bro. like my eyes keep watering wtf. like pile 3 are u guys good???iufyjidsuhy ily take care pls). your creativity may be blocked and you might be upset because of your depression/bad moods. because of this, you may be trying to find positives in life. like going out, self care dates, etc. trying to move on from this might end with you meeting new people. from this, looks like youll meet your fs. and fight your depression and sadness in the name of your love for this person. like for example, u may have no will to go on, but you push forward because of this person.
u might feel like this person is is pessimistic and gloomy. a bit dry too. yet, youll have high (semi unrealistic) expectations for them. like they themselves are supposed to fix you and your life. they seem like they arent punctual and maybe are a bit immature upon first impression. as well as someone who burdens themselves with alot of work. they seem like theyve burdened themselves with too much and now collapse.
- a description of your FS 4oS the devil 9oW rx 6oC 8oP rx KoP 9oC the world rx
they have very very heavy masculine energy (doesn't mean they are male, but they have a strong masculine energy about them.) they have a tired and sleepy kind of look, maybe 'senpaku' eyes. kind of like a billie eilish kind of tired/sleepy look. they look like theyre a song by the neighbourhood, if that makes sense. their fashion sense is dark and edgy, like kind of grunge, goth, emo, or a lot of dark colours and piercings generally. they are youthful looking though. with 9ow rx they might look a bit intimidating and harsh. very very edgy though like alot of dark colours. the image of silver rings and jewelry on slim fingers kind of at night comes to mind. they may like the occult and wear occult symbols.
they might be a bit lazy. maybe they currently work in a retail job or in fast food? but regardless they do not enjoy work at all. "i dont dream of labour" fr. they can rush things and might have a problematic reputation. but w KoP they dont really care. they are a reliable person with a good understanding of business and a secure self image. they are very kind and probably quite wealthy. with KoP and 9oC its like they come from a very rich background. they like to spend money often as they have alot of it and enjoy the pleasures of life. as well as spoiling their partner. they feel very content with their life and wouldn't change how things are, even negative things. still, they feel like something is missing and they haven't achieved much, especially for their age. this person gives me party vibes. somehow, theres a bit of emptiness inside of them, like a hole they just can't fill with no explanation as to why.
- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them 8oS rx PoC rx 6oC rx the emperor the magician judgement rx
they think you are capable of more than you know, and they just really wished you knew that. you're like, incredible in their eyes. like a shooting star or something. they think you're getting way better and you're opening up to new, less harmful, perspectives. they think you neglect your inner child and they feel like you're using escapism too much. they feel like you need to open up and be emotionally vulnerable with them. they think you can be a bit immature at times. they want you to be more independent and move forward. they want to travel the world with you, and be with you, and love you.
you see them as someone with discipline and authority. someone who's smart, capable, and stable. you feel like they can protect you and be your shield when the world attacks you. you see them as a proactive person who works hard for their ambitions and for the relationship. they're exciting and experimental. you feel a bit 'in denial' about the relationship in some ways and like you've been ignoring or overlooking something in the relationship. its hard to say what, though. maybe you've been judging them unfairly?
-what the relationship will be like KnoP 7oP rx KoW PoS rx
you'll both take your time with it all, with no rush or 'skipping steps'. you may not realize they are the love of your life for a few years, or you may realize it but not take action. you'll both be insanely loyal. like, "slow and steady wins the race" kind of thing. you guys are perfect together and every moment is perfect, so there is absolutely no rush at all <3. but this "taking time" approach may leave one or both of you feeling impatient. at times, it might even feel like theres little or limited reward to this approach. regardless, with KoW, you can both look into the big picture and understand why you shouldn't be moving toooo fast. you or your fs will be very bold at times, romantically or maybe sexually. youll both be very energetic and taking the lead at different times. very cute and very romantic date nights. you both may struggle with communication at times and take pleasure in "being right" instead of agreeing.
songs that have the vibe of u and ur fs: colours by halsey, sweater weather by the neighbourhood but specifically the part after 2:19, born to die by lana del rey, no escape by health ft the nbhd, basically everything by the nbhd, tonight you are mine by the technicolors, we used to be friends by the dandy warhols
things that may resonate: the numbers 1218? victorian architecture, life is strange (video game), cyberpunk aesthetics, alita battle angels, college or late teens, pride, piercings, silver, gray, smoke, sneaking out to go to rock/punk concerts in the evening, beer cans, young adulthood, electric guitars, hobie from spiderverse
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Pile 4
- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 7oW the chariot the empress justice rx 10oS 6oC rx
you might have unjustly gotten into some trouble/accused of something you never did, but you, knowing yourself and what's right, stood up for yourself without shame. in this moment, you succeeded in defending yourself. your fs was likely present, and found you attractive and was amazed by you and your gracefulness as well as determination. you came off as the kind of person who knows what they want.
they seem like they have been betrayed and are exhausted. like they've been through alot and have been pushed around by others alot. the world turned it's back on them and those that love them have betrayed them. they seem like they have a heavy energy and carry alot of pain. with 6oC reversed they seem like they are older and more mature, someone who makes you think about the future, but seems stuck in the past. (iff that makes sense?). they seem like a very independent person who walks alone after being hurt by others.
- a description of your FS 3oW 9oW rx 2oC the moon 5oP rx temperance
they're very confident in their appearance, they may have beautiful eyes or glasses that make them look very nice. kfjshk idk y i get a big forehead vibe from them? haha. they might seem a bit emotionless and stiff, tsundere kind of look. they may look a bit tired and have eye bags. this person's eyes may be very significant. they might have a very symmetrical look to them and maybe pale skin? fs may be slim and have coloured eyes (like blue or green) and light hair. i get some masculine energy from them (does not mean they are male, but they have masculine energy.)
they're very secretive and prefer their privacy. theres alot that they hide and they are a very complex person. they follow their intuition and it often leads them in the right way. i feel like they have prominent pisces placements. they often feel a bit confused and may not be super smart. they feel welcomed by you and are in the process of recovering from alot of loss, greif, and pain. they feel more positive and like life is changing for the best. they're very patient, calm, balanced and relaxed.
- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them the hermit AoW rx 7oS 9oC rx 7oP rx 9oP rx strength temperance
they might think you're a bit lonely and silent, shy but knowledgeable and deeply wise. they think you're someone who is endlessly growing and understanding themselves. you're consistently looking for new opportunities to grow and searching deeply within your soul for change and growth. they think you have alot of ideas and things to share, but you hold back and aren't saying these things. they think you're a bit sneaky and are good at lying or manipulating others. (not them necessarily) and you're incredibly smart and strategic. they find this (and you) very attractive.
you think they are a bit unfulfilled, and missing something in their life. you feel like they should try and achieve better things sometimes. bc w 9oC 7oP they seem to be a bit lazy at times and a little bit toooo relaxed. with 9oP, u may feel like they may spend money a bit too much and be somewhat superficial. they also may have issues with not being alone and independent, which they're a bit more accustomed to. giving them alone time is important. but they're insanely strong and brave to you. able to face the deepest and harshest of issues without breaking a sweat. you find this very endearing and they're incredibly caring and loving towards you even in your worst moments. you quite literally could do everything wrong and hurt them infinitely, but they'll always and forever love you and hold you gently. they seem very relaxed and balanced, tranquil and peaceful. very patient and understanding too. you feel very harmonious and tied to them.
-what the relationship will be like queen of wands 10oP rx KnoW KoS
the relationship will make you both feel confident and happy. you'll be very emotionally open and not clingy/attached the hip. you'll both have the independence you crave/prefer, and be confident in your love and relationship. you might argue/have disputes with their or your family over the relationship. it may be unconventional or controversial in your community. outside opinions may find their way to you guys and hurtful opinions will definitely cause hurt and discomfort. you may have an open relationship or something of the sort, or a very exciting and spontaneous period in the relationship. KnoW = this will likely be beneficial in the long run. you'll both have high standards for each other and expect the absolute best from one another. you don't argue often as you're able to control your emotions well.
songs that have you and your fs vibe: trash by alex g, advice by alex g, exquisite tension by youll never get to heaven, the man who died in his boat by grouper, blue city by nahee, to us by apro ft wave to earth and wavy, heavy water/id rather be sleeping by grouper, roslyn by bon iver
things that may resonate: the year 2002, liminal spaces, IT department of a company, marriage and kids, nuclear family, electronics, young love, first love, "nerd", napoleon dynamite, south and south east asia in the early 2010s?, "her", twilight
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Pile 5
- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 5oS rx 10oS 7oC 9oC rx 10oP KoW judgement < < < those 3 r all rx
for starters, youll be pretty upset in whatever this situation is. you were betrayed pretty badly and you're learning that winning isnt everything and sometimes situations can be lose-lose. you may be wanting to get revenge or sabotage someone over a hurt past. you may have gotten heartbroken and are now on the search for a new lover. with 9oC rx you may not be looking for something serious, but something that can make you happy for a while and supress your boredom and lack of fulfillment. maybe you want to make your ex jealous? with 7oC it looks like youll have alot of options at your disposal, but alot of these options are like illusions and are not what they seem.
you met in a non-traditional way. maybe a hookup? you think they're controversial and seem broke (compared to you, that is.). like your standards are too high for them. they seem unstable and like their wealth and success is limited or disappearing quickly. they give celeb vibes, and in your eyes they're on the road to being irrelevant. they seem power hungry but its a total turnoff as you can't see them being a strong leader. (you give the vibes of someone who watches the wizard liz haha). they seem like they don't learn from the past and aren't self aware.
- a description of your FS 7oP KnoP the sun KoW KnoW the world 4oW rx 5oP 3oW
very very veryyy strong masculine energy. (doesnt mean they are male, just their energy!) (also, sorry if i use he/him pronouns to describe this person. again, doesnt mean theyre male but the masculine energy is strongggggg here.). they look like they work very hard and are put together and wealthy looking. they alwaysss look good and smell good, youll never catch them lacking ever. idk how to explain it but they look very like wattpad rich guy kinda energy haha. they doesn't need to go all out to look good. wearing designer and kinda semi formal attire? they look stoic and doesn't express his emotions frequently. the looks very wealthy and successful, may have dark/tan skin and has very good skincare and hygiene. they look incredibly intimidating and has a resting bitch face. looks mean and scary but also sexy and alluring. looks like the "strong silent type". i also feel like they have a bts jungkook vibe (this doesnt mean jungkook is gonna be ur fs at all btw they just have his vibe so please dontldksfjhdjsf)
he feels like they belongs where they are, which is almost on top of the world. they've achieved a lot in their life and are prideful in themselves. they've travelled alottt in their life and met many powerful people. their home life was rough and they had a troublesome childhood. they welt unwelcome at home and probably still do to a degree. they may be undergoing hardship when you first meet them, and feel lost, cold, and alone. with the 4oW and 5oP, they may have somehow disgraced or embarrassed their family. i think this has to do w a family business and losing assets/money. i see this family being rich and wealthy (like chaebol kind of thing). they feel restricted and alienated. things aren't moving forward fast enough for their liking and it's frustrating to them.
- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them judgement QoW wheel of fortune the empress death rx page of wands temperance
they see you very very well. they see you as someone who can take care of business, and change what needs to be changed. in your professional life and love life. you're a hard worker who people always listen to. they think you're charismatic and very confident in yourself. no one can ever deflate your ego or break your confidence. they're very attracted to this and find you passionate and an incredible socializer. i see you as some kind of business person in the future?? they think unexpected things in your life happen constantly and you're very fortunate and lucky constantly. you're extremely physically attractive to them and incredibly disciplined and hardworking. they find you very nurturing and sexy.
you think they can be afraid of change and repeat negative patterns alot. they are unwilling to take risks and let go of the past, which you feel is a source of all of their problems. you want them to come out of their shell and stop living in the shadow of others who you feel are unimportant. "you're the main character of your life, so act like it." you think they're very lively and expressive despite what others think. they're spontaneous and fun. they're balanced and calm and patient with you, which you adore. what was once spontaneous and a fleeting romance/fling (PoW) turned out to be something beautiful and meaningful thats going to last for a very very long time. (temperance)
-what the relationship will be like 10oW AoP the lovers rx PoC rx justice 6oP rx the magician
it's not going to be very easy, alot of work will need to go into it. with 10oW and the lovers rx it looks like you two may be prone to arguments and butt heads often, meaning alot of effort will need to be put into maintaining the relationship. you both are very very physically attractive, and im getting a young vibe here, and alot of money on both ends (esp w AoP) so you have alot of options as far as other partners goes. and with PoC you're prone to getting bored of one person. therefore you'll need to make sure to work hard on both ends to keep things health and even monogamous. with AoP i see even more financial abundance with this union. as if this relationship is a financial investment. you'll be an incredibly privileged couple, able to pay for expensive dates, gifts, and trips. if you don't put in the work, itll be disharmonious and boring. if hard work is put in, romantic attempts and efforts will be rewarding and both will be treated fair and with immense love. one of you may be controlling or overbearing as far as power dynamics may go. and gifting the other alot while getting nothing in return. this might not be bad though. the magician = being proactive and manifesting your desires, so this excessive gifting and power dynamic may be mutually agreed upon.
songs that have the vibe of u and ur fs: closer to you by jungkook, pray for me by the weeknd ft kendrick lamar, los angeles and crown by seulgi, i am by ive, unforgettable by french montana ft swae lee, famous by french montana, escapism by raye
things that may resonate: extreme wealth, jungkook vibes (i promise this doesnt mean its jungkook its just the VIBES so..😭😭), city at night, sportscars with lights in them, the colours purple, red, and green, the wizard liz, manifesting money, rich networking parties, feminine ceo energy, wealthy business people, shanghai and beijing, qatar and dubai, wonyoung
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Pile 6
- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 4oW poW AoC rx the world poS 6oP
you met this person at some kind of gathering, like a wedding, baby shower, party etc. or a reunion of sorts. you were feeling extroverted and spoke to them completely out of the blue after experiencing a series of emotional instability and emptiness. as well as creative losses/blocks and difficulties. you likely flirted with them out of nowhere for the sheer "yolo" feeling. love that for u tbh.
they seemed like they really belonged and were having a good time at this event (im getting wedding tbh.) and they were a very achieved, successful, and strong individual with a sense of harmony and fulfillment. they seemed very witty and funny, alert and smart. able to make a great and pleasant conversation, v fun to talk to! they came off as very generous and kind as well as someone helpful to their community willing to give away their fortune for the good of others.
- a description of your FS 10oW AoW rx 2oS rx AoS justice rx 10oP 6oC rx
they look strong, muscular, rugged and hardworking. they have a larger frame and some masculine energy (masculine energy doesn't mean your fs is male, just their energy is masculine.) they may have prominent facial hair (eg. beard, strong bushy eyebrows, etc.) they appear a bit nervous and anxious. despite a muscular build they look passive, timid, and nervous. they have a gentle and cuter face.
they're smart and constantly have new ideas and breakthroughs. they have an incredibly creative mind and may be an author? they often avoid accountability and can be dishonest and unfair. they have family issues and dispute with others about finances and assets. they are mature and move on from the past rather than living in a nostalgic past 24/7.
- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them wheel of fortune rx PoP the magician rx 3oS rx 3oP rx KnoC
they feel like you can be unfortunate at times and find yourself in unfortunate scenarios. you try to cling onto control but fate often has other plans for you. they would like you to just accept that some things can't be changed. they feel like you're incredibly talented, but dont use your talents when it'll make your life easier. they feel like you're incredibly diligent though, and have an incredible sense of loyalty and duty. they see you as an incredibly intelligent person who's going to do incredible things one day. like, they see you and think "they'll change the world". they're incredibly in love with you and feel like their world revolves around you. they love u sm.
you think they're a bit emotionally repressed, but you for some reason feel extra compelled to forgive and accept them and their faults or wrongs. you feel extra forgiving towards them. you think they can be a bit competitive and uncooperative, which may be the source of pain and arguments? but still, they're great at mediating arguments and are incredibly skillful and smart. they're diplomatic and resourceful. they're an overall joy to be around and are loving and thoughtful. they're extremely romantic and flirty!!!
-what the relationship will be like QoC strength QoP 2oW rx
the relationship will be extremely therapeutic and loving. a strong sense of comfort and mutual trust will be built, creating an extremely healthy environment. the relationship will not only be deep romantically, but platonically. you'll be the absolute best of friends as well as loving union of partners. the people around you are likely to be admiring your relationship, too enamoured with your love to feel envy. you hype eachother up 24/7 365 and are the source of each others overgrowing confidence. like this is peak healthy relationship. you live comfortable and luxurious lives and are wealthy, especially in emotion and love. with QoC strength and QoP you're likely to live as a happy and comfortable married couple and grow old together. the relationship is stable and comforting with both sides being madly in love with the other and their presence. goals may be reached spontaneously rather than with slow effort and intense planning.
songs with the vibe of you and your fs: rip tide by vance joy, the astronaut by jin, moon begins by florist, everything stays by olivia olson (adventure time), good habits (and bad) by saba lou, butterfly (prologue mix) by bts
things that may resonate: the 80s, backpacking across europe and south east asia, travel, charity, travel to hot climates, suburban homes, adoption, 2 kids and a pet, wealth, hiking and outdoors, forests, 2nd grade, settling down, summertime memories that feel like pixie dust
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I hope you enjoyed !! take what resonates, leave what doesnt :p.
694 notes · View notes
cevansbrat0007 · 7 months
Text
Off the Market
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Summary: Ari learns that you're not the sharing type. Which is fine by him, because neither is he.
Warnings: Mature Themes, Ari Being A Menace, Jealous/Possessive Reader, Oral Sex (mentioned), Discussions of Public Sex, Mentions of Disordered Eating, Polite Fat Shaming, Cursing, Minors DNI
A/N: This story is part of my Sweet Renegades Series. Be sure to check out the follow-up fic, A Man Starved. Not beta'd. Not beta'd. All mistakes my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated.
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“So?” You ask before taking another sip of your milkshake. The thick and creamy treat goes down easy, which makes the amount of time it took to get to you well worth it. “What’s the verdict?”
“Not bad.” Your companion mumbles as he eagerly gulps down his own shake. “Not bad at all. But just so we’re clear, drinkin’ one of these isn’t gonna get you out of our deal.” He stirs the drink with his straw before plucking out the cherry and popping it in his mouth. “Remember you swore on it.” He holds up his pinky finger as a reminder.
“Wouldn’t dream of it, sugar.” You tell him as a smile flits its way across your lips. Without thinking, you go to feed him your own cherry. You find yourself giggling at the way he playfully nips at your fingers, his tongue lapping at the traces of whipped cream. 
There went your big Beast of a man proudly living up to his nickname, as per usual. Thank goodness you were the only couple dining outside today.
“Hey. How come yours tastes better?” Ari pouts suddenly, sending you into another fit of giggles.
“We got the exact same thing, honey.” You roll your eyes at him before returning your attention to the menu in your hand.
“Bird?” His growl comes out soft and silky. And it immediately has you on high alert. Because you recognized that tone. 
It meant you were in trouble.
“Um, yes?” You try ducking your head behind the oversized, laminated piece of paper. Maybe if he couldn’t see you anymore, he’d just let it ride.
“Did you just do what I think you just did?” 
“Well, I suppose that depends on what you think I just did.” You sneak another sip of your chocolate shake, doing your best to forget about all the extra unnecessary calories you’re putting into your body right then. After all, you and your man had a deal. And you aimed to see it through. 
“I think you just rolled your eyes at me.” Ari rests his elbows on the table, leaning forward on his arms in an attempt to get your attention. “Now, just because I gave you a pass back the boutique–”
You blow out an annoyed breath. “That wasn’t my fault! You kept making me model the most ridiculous pieces for you, even when I knew they wouldn’t fit.” You peek out from behind your menu long enough to scan the area for Stella, your waitress. Of course she’s nowhere to be found. 
Which, oddly enough, was fine by you. There was just something about the woman that seemed to ruffle your feathers a bit. Although you couldn’t quite put your finger on the reason why. 
“Except they did fit.” Your bounty hunter surprises you by yanking the menu from your grasp. He then tosses both yours and his onto a nearby empty table. “And maybe if you would’ve allowed me into the fitting room with you earlier, we could’ve scored you another bathing suit. I still think we should go back for that sweet little black and white number. That ass was made for it.”
“It was too small. Just like the other ones.” You counter, feeling your cheeks heat at the intimate praise. The burn only intensifies when you recall the way he’d simply let himself into the fitting room after you’d vetoed your third bathing suit. It had been his pick, which meant he felt that he was well within his rights to, as he put it, “see for himself”.  
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One Hour Earlier
“Baby.” He said, chuckling softly. “If a woman expects a man to wait outside and do it patiently, then perhaps she ought to give him a little show.” When you balked he’d simply shrugged and picked up an ice blue monokini before handing it over to you, silently demanding that you try it on. With him right there in the flippin’ fitting room. 
And he hadn’t felt the least bit compelled to help preserve your modesty by looking away as you’d changed. Instead, he’d had the gall to take a seat in a chair that was tucked away in a corner.
“This is completely inappropriate!” You hissed, clutching the forgotten suit to your chest. “Wh–what if someone comes by?” 
“Then I expect you’ll have to be quiet then, won’t you?” He held a finger to his lips, playfully shushing you. “That way it stays our little secret. Now, how about you model the pink one for me?”
“I’ll model whatever you want once we get back to your place.” You tried, your entire body had been practically vibrating with embarrassment. 
“Nah. I’m afraid that ain’t gonna work for me.” Ari had leaned back in his chair then, leisurely crossing his long legs over his ankles. “See, this Beast of yours is itchin’ for some instant gratification.” He’d locked his fingers together before resting them on his firm stomach. “And I ain’t leavin’ until I get it.”
“Guess we’ll be in here for a long time then, huh?” You’d responded rather snippily. “Because I’m not about to–”  
“You know, sweetheart, now that I’m thinking about it, I just realized you haven’t fed me yet today.” 
“I thought we were gonna grab a bite after..?” The knowing look that passed between you two had been enough to make you feel weak in the knees. “Umm...”
“You know how I get when you make me go too long without a taste.” His piercing blue eyes had dropped to your (thankfully) still panty clad pussy. “I’m gonna need a fix, baby. And soon.” You’d watched him cup his impressive cock through the fabric of his jeans. “Otherwise I might start gettin’ antsy.” The silky purr of his voice alone had been enough to have your thighs clenching.
“Don’t – ooh! Behave yourself, damn you!” You’d done your best to ignore the way your core had spasmed with need. “There will be no funny business in this fitting room. You are not getting us kicked out of this store, Beast!”  
“But I’m hungry now. Starving actually.” He’d pressed, a wolfish grin spreading across his features. “And all I can think about is sinking to my knees and burying my face in that gorgeous pussy. Right here. Right now.” 
You'd watched as he rose from his seat, his big body crowding your smaller one. “Wanna taste all that sweet, wild honey of yours when you cum on my tongue like a good girl.” You’d also squealed none-too-quietly when he pinned you against the wall. 
And although the man had seen fit to warn you of his plan, you still hadn’t been prepared for his boldness. Even less so when he dropped to his knees in front of you, his nimble fingers tugging at the edges of your panties.
“Ari…” You'd breathed, rising on your toes to graze your lips along his bearded jaw. “We can’t. Not here. Patience, sugar.”
“Like I told you, I’m about out.” He’d responded on the heels of a groan. “But I might be able to find some more. Maybe. But only if…”
“If what?”
“If you stay the night once we get back to Bell’s Creek. I wanna spend the rest of the evening getting all tangled up in you. Especially after I managed to work up such a sweet tooth.” Ari had brushed mouth over your covered mound, loving the way your nipples pebbled at his words - his touch.        
“I accept your terms.” You’d told him with a soft giggle as heat suffused your cheeks. “Now let me go so I can model these last few for you. It’s about time we get a move-on to our next stop -- no more kisses. Oh God, Ari! Be patient!”
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“I’m not trying on another thing after I stuff my face, honey.” You mumble as you take another sip of your drink. “We’ll just have to come back another time. Plus, you’ve already spent more than enough on me.” 
“You’re worth it.” 
“You should’ve at least let me pay for half.” You start to protest, feeling uncomfortable with being doted on in such a way.
“Already said no. And you ain’t payin’ for lunch either, so you’d best not get that pretty mouth all twisted up to ask.” 
“How about we–” You find your conversation interrupted by the arrival of your waitress, Stella. 
“Hey, ya’ll!” She chirps as she comes around the corner, her blonde ponytail bouncing behind her as she finally makes her way to your table. “Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. How are those shakes treating you, hm? Pretty good?”
“They’re great.” You and Ari respond at the same time. 
“I just knew you’d love ‘em!” She responds rather animatedly, her freshly manicured fingers lightly brushing over Ari’s shoulder. He doesn’t seem to notice. But you do. Because it’s not the first time it’s happened. “Looks like you’re doin’ alright over there, handsome. Can I get you another one?”  
“No, thank you.” Your Bounty Hunter hums, his gaze locked on the menu as he works to make a final decision. “But I do think we’re ready to order.” 
“Yep.” You readily agree, even as your eye twitches. “We sure are.” 
Stella makes an innocent show of turning away from you, her gaze focused on Ari. “I bet a big, strapping fella like you would be interested in one of our steaks. Our beef is grass-fed and sourced locally. Which means it’s always fresh, never frozen.”
“Actually, I think we’re both gonna have–” You attempt to interject, only to be shut down without so much as a glance in your direction. 
“Did you happen to see our line of Skinny Gal Salads, buttercup? They come with all the flavor, but only half the calories. They’re listed on page two if you wanna take a gander while I walk your lovely friend here through tonight’s specials featuring our signature porterhouse.” 
Your waitress’ audacity hits you so hard you almost feel a headache coming on as an unexpected fury burns in your belly. A belly that could probably stand to benefit from one of those so-called Skinny Gal salads, but then again that would go against the deal you’d made last night.
Which involved you and your man enjoying a couple of worry-free milkshakes and bacon cheeseburgers. You’d promised that you would try to relax and not get so caught up in all of that internal calorie counting like you usually did.
So, like it or not, a deal was a deal and you aimed to see it through. Regardless of what your waitress had to say about it. And if the woman was smart, she’d take her hand off your man’s arm before something happened to it.
“Now handsome, did I hear you say you were visiting from Bell’s Creek?” Your waitress cocks her hip against the table while she ignores you in favor of cozying up to your Beast. “Because it just so happens that I have a friend there that I like to visit from time to time. Do you happen to know–” 
“Actually, I’ve heard amazing things about your barnyard cheeseburgers. So I think we’re gonna have two of those with bacon. Extra bacon. Please.” You tack on the last word, which is spoken through gritted teeth. 
Finally, Stella turns to you and offers a patronizing smile. “Can I interest you in a side salad with that, buttercup? It comes with a spritz of our homemade red wine vinaigrette.”
Ari sits back in silence, apparently content to watch whatever the fuck was transpiring between you and this bottle blonde heifer with a notepad. Which was fine. You were a big girl who knew how to take-up for herself when the situation called for it.    
“I want fries, sugarplum. But who knows, my friend might want one of those skinny ass salads to go with his meal. Does that sound good to you, baby?” While your eyes never leave hers, you manage to catch a glimpse of a smile from your companion. 
“I, uh, would also like fries.” He coughs. You can tell he’s trying not to laugh, which only serves to piss you off even more. “But thank you.”
“That’ll be all, honey.” You politely growl, snatching Ari’s menu from him before your waitress could use it as an excuse to touch him again. “We’ll let you know if you need anything else.”
“But you haven’t heard the specials.” Stella turns back to Ari, a soft pout gracing her plump lips. “It just might change your mind. You might find yourself wanting something…better.”
Oh, no the fuck she did not. Your man was fine with his choice. You. The burger. All of it. Be gone, bitch!  
“We’re good.” You snap, seething inwardly. “You couldn’t possibly have anything more special than what he’s already got goin’ on in front of him, right here. Right now.”
Your waitress stares you down, but you refuse to be the one to blink first. If your eyes gave up and fell out, you had faith Ari would collect them for you before safely guiding you home. Your man was a gentleman like that.
“I guess I’ll go ahead and get these orders in. Two burgers, heavy bacon, coming right up.” The smile she gives you now is much more brittle and it doesn’t meet her eyes. But you also can’t bring yourself to give a fuck.
This woman needed to remember to stay in her lane before you ran her off the road.         
“Thanks.” 
“Welcome.”
And then she’s gone. You find your glaring at her retreating form. You’re actually in the middle of fantasizing about what would happen if you took a pair of scissors to her annoying ass ponytail when you hear your name being called.
“What?” You snarl as Ari comes back into focus. And what the hell was he grinning about? Didn’t he realize that that pretty face of his was in slapping distance?
“You’re really something, baby.” He murmurs, his gorgeous blue eyes dancing with mischief. “You know that?”
“Meaning?” At the moment, you were in no mood for anyone else’s bullshit.
Ari leans forward in his chair as one of his big hands comes to rest atop yours. “I just meant…I’ve never seen you jealous before. It just surprised me a little is all.” He finishes with a shrug. “I didn’t expect for you to…to…”
“Didn’t expect for me to do what, Beast?” Your tone softens as you watch his head dip, his bearded cheeks tinged with red. He perks up when you give his hand an affectionate squeeze, flipping your positions slightly so you can lace your fingers through his. 
“Claim me.” 
Those two simple words are enough to send you reeling. Is that really what you had just done?
“It’s no secret that I like you, Bird. A lot.” His voice drops an octave as he works to explain himself. “Every time I see you, it’s like there’s something in me deep down inside me that screams mine. I guess I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way about me. Until now.” 
Was he being serious? Of course he was! This man had never struck you as the type to joke about any of this.
“I like you too, Ari. But what I didn’t like was watching our waitress flirt with you like I wasn’t even here. I almost fucked her up with my spoon for touching what’s mine.” Ari’s perfect teeth sink into his plush bottom lip, his nostril’s flaring as his mind works to process your admission.
“Say that again.” The command rumbles out from somewhere deep in his chest, compelling you to obey. “Louder”
“You’re mine, Ari Levinson. For today. Tomorrow. For however long this magical thing between us lasts – you belong to me.” You breathe, butterflies filling your belly. “You’re officially off the market, you got that?”
“I hear you, Bird. Loud and fucking clear.” The grin on his face soon proves to be infectious. “And you have no idea just how happy I am to hear you say that.” Ari opens his arms to you then, beckoning you forward.
The next thing you know, you’re up and moving before you’ve even registered what’s happening. All you knew was that your man needed you. Which meant you needed to go to him. Now.
“I always want you, Ari. Even when I shouldn’t.” You tell him as you gracefully slide into his lap, looping your arms around his neck as you do. 
“I know the feeling.” Ari murmurs, brushing his mouth over yours. “Which is why I want to do something special once we get back to Bell’s Creek. Before I have to leave again.” The startled look on your face has your Bounty Hunter rushing to finish his thoughts before you can verbalize your confusion.
“What do you–?”
“I’m only gonna be gone a few days, baby. Three, maybe four, tops.” One of his large, slightly calloused palms presses against the back of your neck, drawing you in closer to him so that he can take your lips again.   
“Oh.” Comes your lame reply.
“I’m coming back to you, Bird.” Ari rests his forehead against yours as you try to calm your racing heart. “You have my word. But I still wanna do something special for you – for us – before I go. Will you let me do that without a fight?”
“Okay.” 
“Okay.” Feeling content, Ari leans in to capture your mouth with his own once again. After behaving himself all day, it was time for his reward.
“Wait.” You place your hand on his chest, halting his advances. “You’re still mine wherever you go. I don’t care if it’s fucking Siberia.” You grab a fistful of his shirt, hauling him forward. “You’ll still be mine there too. You with me?”
“Fuck yeah I am.” Ari growls, using both of hands to cradle your face as he slants his lips over yours once again. The kiss is as passionate as it is raw. Your tongues dance together, both fighting for dominance. But this time your Beast lets you win.
Desire burns in your belly as you savor the sensual victory. You bury your fingers in his hair, tugging at the chestnut strands. Meanwhile, one of Ari’s hands goes to grip your hip, making you moan when he gently molds and kneads your curves. 
Jesus Christ! You suddenly felt as if you were wearing too many clothes. 
His lips skim along the column of your throat as you pant. You were always so fucking needy for him all the time. It made it almost impossible for you to resist him during moments like these.
You’re so lost in each other that you don’t even bother to look up when you hear footsteps approaching. “Will these be separate checks or…oh.” You hear your waitress stammer as she tries to collect herself. “I’ll, um - I'll just bring the one.”
Ari briefly pulls away, eliciting a soft whine from you. “Thanks. And while you're at it, we’ll be taking our food to-go.” 
“Bye, Stella.” You giggle as you give a little wave before playfully nipping at his jaw, not even bothering to glance over at the other woman’s face. You knew it was petty, but staking your claim on this man in front of your so-called rival felt so damn good. Especially after a day like today.
Frankly, the only way it could get any better was if you could make yourself utter those three magic words – the same ones you’d been practicing in the mirror last night. But right now they simply wouldn't come. They kept getting stuck in your throat.
Oh well. Guess you’d just have to try again tomorrow.
END
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ns-imagines · 8 months
Text
Nikto никто
Nikto Character Introduction
If you find yourself drooling over possessive and obsessive!Ghost or König lemme introduce you to Nikto…
SFW [ all cannon information ]
Word Count: TBA its a lot
Warnings: Disorder mention; Torture mention; dissociative disorder mentioned;
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A/N: Lemme talk to you for a moment…
My new masked crush. Heart and coochie go brrrrrrrrrrrrr
Post has not been checked for grammar corrections / Not requested :D
Cannon Information:
Nikto (Neeek-toe) is a Operator in Spetsnaz for the Allegiance faction which is within the KorTac Organization. Basically hes a contractor for the contractors. Its cannon that he has facial scarring which is why he wears a mask. Not a turn off for me ah ha ha
So he isn’t necessarily a good guy like the 141 guys (even though now they’re considered war criminals I suppose) but he’s also not a bad guy. In summary, man does what he gets hired to do.
Anyways, after going AWOL in October 2022 from the Russian contracting military group he resurfaced in June 2023 (also the introduction of his character in the game). He resurfaced being the leader of a military group which was overtaking the Dutch city of Vondel.
On the Official Wiki he is only given two paragraphs of biography. You can read it here -> https://callofduty.fandom.com/wiki/Nikto
Also mentioned on the page [ for the COD Mobile universe ] is that theres cannon beef between Ghost and Nikto!! Yes, you heard me right. So on the wiki it is mentioned that Nikto was working for a guy named Templar. Whom is betrayed and killed by Ghost. Then when Ghost went after everyone else in the helicopter he shot Nikto. It was thought that Nikto died from the shot but he didnt….
Nikto reappears when he takes a group of people hostage and records a video explaining that the world has failed them and has left people like (Nikto) to beg and then fight over the scraps. Price (yes Price) tries to convince Nikto to let the hostages go and to basically chill out but Nikto wins by blowing up the building. With the hostages inside.
Okay maybe he has beef with all of 141… and is kinda a bad guy I can change him
SO then time passes and Nikto reappears again seeking a gun deal with a dude named Gunzo. Gunzo asks Nikto “why a man wanted on every continent, doesnt have guns” this pisses Nikto off. Nikto replies with “i dont need guns” then proceeds to buy the guns from Gunzo. Then Nikto gasses the fuck out of Gunzo and his men with Nova Gas. Nikto explains to Gunzo that the world is failing blah blah. He then goes on to brag about how he doesnt need a gas mask to breath like everyone else because hes that edgy and then he just executes Gunzo. We can fix him
Nikto disappears again only to reappear flying a F-85B Bullshark and leading a military riot. He then orders a attack on Prices convoy (video below) and basically down their helicopter. In the video below you can see small arms fire, an RPG, and then a finishing shot. Which was shot by Nikto’s aircraft. Okay maybe he is bad, we can fix him ?
Which you can watch here -> https://youtu.be/dDaCTCu82t0
youtube
In game bio from MW, CODM, and MW2
It is referenced in his bio MW and CODM that he has acute dissociative disorder. Which according to WebMD
“Dissociative disorders involve problems with memory, identity, emotion, perception, behavior and sense of self. Dissociative symptoms can potentially disrupt every area of mental functioning. Dissociation is a disconnection between a person’s thoughts, memories, feelings, actions or sense of who he or she is.”
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Which is explained to be from when he was tortured by Mr. Z. That event is also where he got his facial scarring from. Although he is Russian; in current MW2 timeline his nationality and language is [ REDACTED ]. I was looking around on the internet for why and Reddit believes its due to current world current events/tension. Rewording to: we can accept and love him. I dont think we can fix him.
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I don’t expect this post to get a lot of attention but for those who like it my requests are fully open ❤️
i will definitely be posting more Nikto content and what I think Nikto looks like and how he acts.
Thank you for reading! -Kiv
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yantako · 5 months
Note
Hello! Can i request yandere Malleus , Floyd and Kalim with an s/o who cant feel fear? (Its not that they are brave or anything its a real problem in their brain that they of course cannot fix)
Hi there! Thank you so much for the request!
I have definitely heard of this brain disorder before and honestly, it is really scary to think about it. Not sure if I'm doing it justice though, please forgive me if it doesn't sound like the condition! ><
Anyway, without further ado, let's begin!
Warning: Yandere and dubious elements.
Yandere with a S/O who can't feel fear
ft. Malleus, Floyd & Kalim
Malleus Draconia
• When you two first met, he was surprised that you smiled at him instead of being shocked or scared of him.
• However, because of such a reaction, he grows an interest in you for being so 'brave'.
• Everything would go well with his talks with you, getting to know you better and all, and slowly he started developing feelings for you.
• He'd always known you for being fearless about everything, even in the dangerous situations that you sometimes put yourself through from what he has heard from your stories.
• However, he started to feel curious about what your fearful face might look like and decided to play a small trick on you. Would maybe a giant dragon suffice in scaring you?
• When he saw your first reaction was lacking in fear, he'd try again with bigger and bigger moves. Malleus could feel his tiny smirk slowly distorting into a frown filled with worry and pain. It only became full-fledged anger at the point where it seems as if you didn't even care when the dragon was about to kill you [ of course, with you trapped with no room for escape ]. You didn't even seem remotely afraid as you tried to think of a way to combat this. However, when the situation is so bleak, you used your rational mind to think of the most painless way to go, and that is to tank the hardest hit in hopes of a one-shot KO.
• When you were about to be hit, Malleus immediately stopped the illusion and merely hugged you tightly. He had just wanted to see another side of you but ended up making himself feel like a disaster for putting you through that. He even had some thoughts if you would just give up your life so easily, why didn't you call him to help you?
• You felt pleasantly surprised that he was suddenly in front of you. Happy to see him, you gave him a smile, but also a knowing look when you realised what was going on just from his expression. It's about time you tell him about it.
• When he hears about your condition, his heart sunk.
• From then on, he has you kept by him the entire time. He had a mindset that if you can't feel fear, you won't know your dangers. It only made him more fearful for you.
• He becomes a lot more possessive over you and warier of the people around you, going so far as to cast spells on you without your knowledge.
• He becomes way more protective each time you get injured, on the basis that you cant feel fear even if you explained to him multiple times that you do know your dangers.
• He would do anything to keep you protected at all costs.
Floyd Leech
• Shrimpy! Aren't you scared of me?
• You just witness him punching a bloody student in a secluded area in school. Of course, you did stare for a while and wanted to leave as you presumed this to be troublesome and dangerous for you if you remained.
• However, this tall eel immediately noticed you and dropped the student he was holding. His eyes glinted as if he saw a brand-new toy being served up to him.
• He peered down at you threateningly after cornering you at a wall. However, even as he did that, you didn't show as big of a reaction as he wanted to see. Weren't you supposed to be squirming under him like a worm? Hey, why are you looking away when he's glaring at you!
• At first he thought it was very boring that you gave him such a lukewarm reaction, but when he figured that you were trying to find a way to escape calmly, his curiosity peaked again. He understood that normal people would be in a state of panic and give him their fullest attention in case he would hit them, however, he didn't feel any sense of fear from you but rather, a very cold way of ignoring him.
• With his interests piqued, he decided to let you go after attempting to scare you with his threats. He found it amazing that you showed no signs of fear in such a situation and decided to make his next days fun in school by harassing you.
• He continuously placed you in dangerous situations, even to the point of near-death situations, to simply observe and find entertainment. Well, that is until you actually got a near-death experience which scared the fuck outta him.
• Looking at your pale and weak figure lying in the infirmary, he thought about how much danger he had put you through. Regrets came washing over him. Initially, he thought it was fun and entertaining to watch your fearless gait. But now, he could hear alarms ringing in his head whenever he thinks you are in danger. In some magical and mysterious manner, somehow, he became smitten for you.
• Ever since then after you recovered, Floyd seemed to have a flipped his treatment of you. He would protect you fiercely from even the smallest threats, growling and even resorting to violence even at small teasings people do to you.
• He finally felt as if he had something he needed to do, something motivating him. He had to protect you even if he had to resort to violence and intimidation. He finally got a spark in his heart and he would do his all to protect this spark. Finally, something he could not get bored of. If you aren't scared by his actions, that means you allowed him to do so, right?
• Shrimpy ignited something in him, so you better accept it, okay?
Kalim Al Asim
• Hm? He doesn't understand it. What do you mean you can't feel fear?
• Even after explaining it to him, he still does not understand it.
• That is, until you were kidnapped because of him. When he found you all battered up but yet lighting up when you see him. He had questioned you all the essentials. Why didn't you scream? Why didn't you call for help? Why do you still look so... okay about this situation?
• You chuckled as you joke. "At least I wasn't killed or hit so badly."
• Kalim stared at you for awhile before getting reminded of what you had told him before.
• Ever since then, he decided to take your safety into his own hands, having bodyguards around you and even giving you your own aide so that you could be protected. He just wanted to keep you safe, so please allow this of him, alright?
• Privacy? Is that more important than your safety, darling?
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seireitonin · 3 days
Note
Dating Toby?? Like is he clingy, jealous or protective of his partner??
(I don't know....this is my first time doing these things.....)
Toby brain rot :3 this is how I see Toby mixed with some canon information! (I’m gonna try to keep it realistic)
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What would it be like dating Toby?
Toby’s life is filled with tragedy
Abuse, death, murder, mental illnesses, being a slave to Slenderman
It’s all bad
So when he finds you, someone that accepts him and loves him despite all that, he’s not letting you go
He’ll do anything for you
I mean to the point it’s unhealthy
Because hes obsessed with you
Like really obsessed with you
He’s super touchy, not only because he likes to feel close to you, but it keeps him grounded
That’s important to him because his disorders/ mental illnesses cause him to hallucinate or space out
He’s not gloomy he’s actually upbeat but when he remembers something from his past or the current state of his life he goes through episodes of depression and mood swings
They can get really intense and as you’re with him you’ll learn how to support him through it
Just laying with him, making sure he has water and reminding him you’re here for him will help lots and lots of physical affection
If his mood swings get violent he’ll isolate himself from you but it’s heartbreaking to hear his suffering
His swings can go from extreme anger to intense sadness to reckless happiness
Since he hasn’t had much kindness or interaction in his life he doesn’t have the best social skills
He’ll say whatever is on his mind with no filter and that includes you too
So he’ll say mean things unintentionally a lot because he doesn’t understand how what he says can be hurtful
And he might try to call you sensitive for it too
“Ugh you’re overreacting I didn’t even say anything that hurtful. It’s just what’s on my mind”
He literally doesn’t understand how it can make you feel because he’s a bit detached with emotions
It’s gonna take a while for him to understand but he loves you so he’ll try to understand for your sake and will work on apologizing
He can also just be rude or a jerk sometimes in general
Toby likes just spending time with you to the point where you’re connected at the hip
He won’t say he loves you with words but he says it with his actions
He brings you gifts, holds your hand, goes on walks with you, holds you and try’s to be better for you (even though it’s really hard because he’s set in his ways)
He talks a lot so sometimes you’ll just listen and smile
Since he can’t feel pain, when he gets back from missions you’ll have to help him check for injuries to make sure he’s okay
He doesn’t say it but he appreciates it
Sometimes he’ll just stare at you because he loves you so much, taking in your every detail
He notices everything about you, from your body language, how you tan in the summer and lighten in the winter, he even knows how many times you breathe in a minute
Toby eats a lot of instant ramen so be prepared to eat a lot of that at first but you start to cook for him because he needs to eat better
Toby never expected to have a girlfriend since he’s a lot to handle but he liked the way you handle him
He’s full of himself literally thinks he’s gods gift to earth so sometimes he puts himself before your relationship but he’s trying to change that
He’s really funny especially if you like dark humor
He’s a jealous man. You’re his no one else’s
If someone even looks at you romantically he’ll go crazy on them
Remember, Toby is still a murderer and enjoys murdering
Chasing them down and threatening them and if it escalated kill them with a smile
He does it all for you. Everything is for you.
“You know I love you, right?”
He looks at you covered in blood
Toby likes it when you wear his sweaters
He wants a family one day and hopes you can give that to him
He’s possessive over you but does it out of intense love and obsession
He wants to keep you safe by any means necessary because he’s so used to losing the people he loves and he really doesn’t wanna lose you
Toby drives a pickup truck and likes to drive you around in it
He likes to sit in the back of it with you and look at the stars in an open field
Since Toby’s older his tics have calmed down but they’re still there and he still has the occasional tic attack
You’ll have to help him through those because sometimes he can’t even talk when he’s having one
Stuff he can squeeze, ice pack on his forehead and making sure he doesn’t hurt himself
He’s happy you don’t see him as a burden like everyone else did
He’s never letting you go
He didn’t know he could feel love this intense
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lafemmemacabre · 4 months
Text
People seem to always need to attribute evil to something immutably wrong with a person or at least to some powerful force within said person that can't be just a choice (no matter how influenced by the coercive forces of society and one's own history).
The widely spread Christian notion that people act in what society currently thought of as evil was that people were sinners or possessed by an evil spirit.
Now that spiritual explanations for evil are mostly not socially sanctioned outside of circles of people that accept such explanations, we've gone from attributing evil to spiritual pollution, to attributing evil to psychiatric pollution.
19th and most of the 20th century's hysteria, the psychopath of the later 20th century, the sociopath of the 00s, and now it's the narcissist.
Have you considered that, sometimes, people choose to do fucked up shit just because it's easier, or the results satisfy them better? They're not Possessed by the indomitable spirit of a disorder. Sometimes people choose to cause harm the same way anyone would choose between flavors of a drink due to no pathology and nothing INTRINSICALLY wrong with them.
Sometimes, people are just assholes, and when you see millions of people claiming their ex was afflicted with a pathology, it starts to seem like rather than a pathology those exes are participating in harmful but socially permitted and even encouraged behaviors, especially if they play right into the rulebooks of patriarchal relations. That's not pathology, that's normalized evil, systemic evil.
Men lowering the self-esteem of their girlfriends when they feel emasculated and treating them like shit behind closed doors, even tangibly violently, is awful and deeply traumatizing, I know by experience from the two relationships with men I got to have before accepting my lesbianism. But that's not a disorder, that's just... What our misogynistic, patriarchal culture teaches men and tells men is ok to do in order to reaffirm their control over their women, it's what the people around those men have historically allowed them to get away with.
Same with abusive parents with their children; much like women under patriarchy, children are seen as possessions belonging to their parents and extensions of their parents, even into adulthood. A parent doesn't need to meet the clinical criteria of NPD in order to horrendously traumatize their child and then feel that they were in their right to do so. Society already tells parents all the time that they're allowed to horrendously traumatize their children while still expecting loyalty and deference from them.
I'm antipsych but I'm not here to discuss the validity of personality disorder diagnoses. I'm actually ceding ground here and for the sake of this conversation just briefly accepting that framework of understanding of trauma survivors.
Ceding that ground; please stop calling every horrible person a narcissist, a sociopath, a psychopath, and so on. Evil doesn't lie in some intrinsic Brain Wired Wrong condition, that's such an apocalyptic and stigmatizing view of humanity, one that absolves many of the people who cause the kind of harm being addressed here. Evil and harm are choices.
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a-psychopaths-diary · 4 months
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How having a "favorite person" if you have ASPD/NPD can look like.
What I read in cluster B spaces is that many people seem to have the opinion that a "favorite person" is just a BPD thing.
To understand why it's not just something for BPD, someone has to think about what an FP even is. To simplify it, just so everyone knows where I'm coming from - "favorite person" is basically just someone you have a VERY unhealthy attachment towards, and everyone with a cluster B disorder is capable of having that.
Fuck, most mentally ill people who have childhood trauma are capable of having that. It is just very common for BPD, so common that it's in the diagnosis criteria. It tends to also be more intense for people with BPD, but the concept on its own is not that rare.
I will explain it a bit how it looks like for me. I am diagnosed with ASPD and NPD, and I got forensically assessed as a psychopath when I went to prison.
I will talk about the second one first, as this is the most similar to the typical "FP" someone associates with BPD.
An unhealthy attachment can show for me in two ways. One is very subtle, the other one is full force and hits me straight into the face.
A few months ago, I met a man who is around 15 years older than me. He is wonderful, but I won't go into details here about that. Regardless, as the friendship developed, I noticed that I got very attached to him. It started slow for me, but it ended with me being upset and angry because he did not give me as much attention as I wanted to. He did not listen to me enough, he did not include me enough, he did not spend enough time with me, he did not do this or that enough. He was not enough.
I would get unreasonably pissed off if I saw him spending time with someone else. I would feel abandoned if I would see him online and he did not text me immediately. Or, even worse, he would text in a discord server we share but not respond to my DMs. That felt like straight up betrayal, and I was so unbelievably angry. I developed a black and white thinking, I thought he hates me - until he texted me, and everything was fine again. I was so incredibly possessive about him. He was mine. Don't even think about befriending him, because he belongs to me.
At the same time, all I wanted was his approval. If he even hinted on not approving of something I do, I would ping pong between a fight and a fawn response. I want to submit, he has to like me, but also how dare he not approve, but I have to make him like me no matter what it takes, but also fuck him for that and I'm too good for him anyways.
The second one was way more subtle. I noticed that this happens most of the time when someone with BPD has me as their FP, or if someone is attached to me in the way I mentioned before and I give a shit about them. At the moment, I have that sort of attachment to my boyfriend, but also to a very good friend of mine, whose FP I am.
It was a constant inner battle. I never showed him a lot of that, or at least I tried to. I talked about it with him at some point, and the thing he was the most worried about is that he may not notice when I need his approval (bless him). Over all that time, I snapped at him once because I felt like he did not approve of something I do. I had to forcefully remove myself from the situation to calm down and get my fight/fawn response under control.
I did not even notice that the second one is an unhealthy attachment until my therapist pointed it out, and explained what's happening here.
In those scenarios, I start to feel responsible for the wellbeing of the other person. I want them to be well, and I would do what I can so they feel good and are happy. It goes to the point of me completely neglecting my own wellbeing for them, but it's so subconscious that I usually don't even notice it until it's too late.
I try to explain it a little. For me, it's all about starting to subconsciously see my friends as my parent (friend A), or to see myself as the parent to them (friend B). Medical grade daddy issues.
The first one always seemed very logical to me, and my therapist (and my boyfriend who provided me with many resources, mwah) guided me through the entire process. I started to subconsciously push my friend into the role of a father, which I thankfully notice very fast.
A parent is supposed to care for their child 24/7. They provide guidance, approval, leading the kid into the right direction, are always there for the child, comfort the child when they cry, provide food, water and love. And that's something I wanted my friend to fulfill, as both my parents could not fulfill that (no shame to my father, he's a good man but his best was just not enough, and that is okay). But my friend is not my father, and that's where the problems start.
But the second one was, and still is, very difficult for me to handle. Instead of pushing my friend into the role of my father, I push myself into that role. Subconsciously, I try to be the father I never had.
The second scenario might end well with someone who does not have an unhealthy attachment towards me. My boyfriend is a great example - while I am his FP, he was in therapy for years and can handle this very well. He does not let me have that responsibility. But it will never end well if that unhealthy attachment is unmanaged. If friend A would have "given in" to my attachment, or if I would have let him, then this would spiral until the friendship breaks apart.
Friend B is incredibly well attuned with others, he is very sensible and has a good feeling for what his symptoms are, even though he was never really in therapy. But due to that, he obviously shows way more symptoms than my boyfriend does, which makes it very easy for me to fall into that "I'm responsible for his feelings" mindset.
This sort of attachment issue I have does also synergize with my ASPD. My therapist explained it to me very well.
People usually have empathy. They feel someone else's pain, and they know that this is enough to show support. That pain they feel makes it easier to attune to the situation and know what is needed to help that person in that moment. For me, this process is cognitive, while the process for people with empathy is emotional. I see they are in pain. I don't feel that pain, but I know they must be distressed. I see that they are distressed. So I try to find ways to help them, so they are not in pain anymore. I don't feel that natural stop people with empathy do. I don't know what is enough. I know people talk about that just listening is good - but it does not feel like that for me. It's not enough, they are still hurt. I must do more. What I do is not enough. I am not enough.
I have the same standards on myself as I have on the people I put into a parental role. And I know that it would happen so easily for the other person to fuel that, if they put me into the parental role.
And then, the downward spiral starts.
I will most likely make a post on how I deal with both of those attachments so the relationship between me and my friends is as healthy as it can be. But I'm 10h into a 12h nightshift at the moment and I can't be arsed to parrot what my therapist told me, so this needs to happen whenever I feel bored enough for it.
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indigovigilance · 6 months
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Aziraphale knew that Crowley was living in his car
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Yes, yes, I know that the Notorious NRG said something contradictory - but this is on the screen. This is canon.
Additionally:
Aziraphale asks no questions when Crowley shoves a box of plants into his arms (ref: meta by @books-and-omens):
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and Aziraphale lets him do it, helps him move back into his car, without confronting or questioning, because he knows Crowley's motivations (ref: response meta by @forineffablereasons). OP also observes that Crowley might be telling Aziraphale to go faster not just for breaking-the-speed-limit-is-a-demonic-imperative reasons, and not just because he wants his angel back, but because he wants his car back; without it, he's stranded at the bookshop, a sitting duck.
Which isn't really true, because we know that demons and angels can take any form? But psychologically speaking, not so for Crowley. The car is the physical manifestation of (and coping mechanism for) his generalized anxiety disorder.
And Aziraphale knows this. He respects Crowley's need to have mobility and distance. He knows that this instability [ironically] brings Crowley a sense of control that he needs to feel safe.
This is just one theory that isn't necessarily mutually exclusive with any others, for example, Crowley won't move in because then it would be obvious to Heaven and Hell that they're a group of the two of them, or that he doesn't move in because that would compromise the bookshop's protected status as an independent embassy. This is just one piece of the puzzle that is Crowley.
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If you liked this, you may like: Maggie is Possessed
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