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#and no option to take a day off
inkskinned · 8 months
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you're in the habit of denying yourself things.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.
it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.
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tianhai03 · 5 months
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felt like drawing kiryu how i dressed him up in gaiden... i havent drawn him in like 2 years i think. feels good to be back 🐉
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ladies, I need to wander despondently across a foggy moor asap
#*this also applies to the not-ladies among us#y'all deserve a good pensive ramble across a moor in a really cool greatcoat#just be sure you don't turn it into anything vigorous#this is not the time to be Aragorn we are looking for Jonathan Harker pre-Dracula at best#in regards to the moor: a wind-swept cliffside would also be suffice#it would NOT do wonders for my health of course but hey#fortunately the bestie and I have plans to go hiking next weekend and if we don't have another option I'm gonna beg for the hemlock trail#I'd also take the cedar springs#I just need Nature that isn't the beach#in other news I am happy to report that the week is smoothing itself out somewhat#we're all still on edge but it's not as bad as it was and we've effectively kicked loose the pebble in the the shoe#my darling sister sent me a gift and told me to treat myself so I may get bubble tea after work#and I begged for tomorrow off so I can sleep and then spend the day coughing in peace#(this is such a bizarre cold. I didn't get any of the preliminaries outside of some sneezing)#(and then it was straight to my chest. not even a sore throat first! usually I get a lot of build up and can often get ahead of a bad cough#(thankfully my nose is not congested. I suppose that's the trade-off)#so I'll sleep in and then I may sort some of the filing I'm taking home from the office#by then I'll likely have completely lost my voice#AND I have ingredients for chili because for once I planned ahead. might even make some of my favorite rolls as well.#and then next week...I start a second job#(super simple and it's 2 hours max every evening. once I figure it out it could be an hour tops unless I decide to take it slow)#(the pay is great for the job and it'll give me something to do instead of just...I dunno...reading through the winter I suppose)#(sorry my head is in such a fog I don't know how I'm surviving work)#mine#greatest hits
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The new scene has me in a chokehold
Thank you @andengeu for perfectly capturing the momentary shock of Nayeli and Blade being close to each other, and being aware of each other.
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carnivalcarrion · 7 months
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excuse me i need to Muse on something for a moment
so in Wally's secret 'vinyl' audios, specifically the last few (if we're listening to em in chronological order), obviously he starts to sound more strained/distressed. his breathing is more labored, like it's taking all of his energy to make contact.
but the audio that really caught my attention was the "But i still can't see" one. cause he just said he has more eyes than he did before. he knows We draw them a lot, and it's thanks to that that he can see. but he still can't see?
so my question is: where is Wally physically? cause although he can (assumedly) see the WHRP goings on, he can see through the eyes We draw, that could all be on a, uh... more Intangible level of sight. like the spiral pit is forming an eye, and then there's the eye on the ceiling in the secret Staff Only section - could Wally be in the pit, that space between his reality and Ours, "watching" through the eyes? but unable to actually see with due to the pit being pitch black nothingness? is he somewhere else? is he stuck? he can see, but he can't... see.
(or is he trying to explain an abstract concept - he's not actually viewing anything, but he can sense it. like how he knows We're there, even if he can't see or hear Us. but he just doesn't have the words to describe it other than using physical senses - see, hear, look.)
and him saying "...that I can see. But it is still... I can't..." but it's still what, Wally? dark? something else that he doesn't have the words to describe, so he just says that he can't see?
i know that in the Livestream Trivia Document (compiled by @/the neighborhoodwatch) there was something said about Wally being in a box. my first thought reading that was "oh, so he's in storage? the physical puppet, i mean?" which would make sense - show's over, there's no more use for him. pack 'em up and put him away. but that paired with the "can't see" audio makes both seem a lil... connected.
Wally can't see > he's likely somewhere dark > the inside of closed boxes are dark > Wally's in a box. (or maybe the Neighborhood is the box? it's a stretch, i know, but the map is a box. television sets are often set up in "boxes". maybe it's less of a physical storage box and more of a 'boxed in' sort of thing...)
one question i've had since the Start of my interest in this incredible project is: how is Wally communicating? how has he connected to the site? how does he connect to our reality? the pit almost definitely has something to do with it - most likely acting as a bridge, or the deteriorating of the barrier between our two 'worlds' - but if Wally is in a box and Not the pit or even just in the puppet's reality... how is he reaching us beyond just seeing through the eyes he's given?
or is he in their reality, and he can contact through the pit or something, but he can't actually see the other side? Our side? he knows it's there - that We're there - but none of it is visible to him. maybe his apparent disassociation in the 14 bug audios is a demonstration of him contacting Us. we can see through him, but it's a one way street.
and speaking of the pit - i just had a thought. his whole thing with Us letting him in, opening... the pit on the neighborhood map is getting bigger and clearer. but the presumed Other Side, the one on the Staff Only ceiling, is small. it's the size of a ceiling panel. it seems to me that Wally is chipping away at his side of the pit or 'portal', trying to reach Our reality, but he needs Us to do the same thing on the other side. the QA can hear him calling, but there's no phone on their (Our) side of the pit. how do We call back???
there's a fundamental barrier & lack of understanding between Wally and the QA/Us. he's trying. he wants to be let in, but what does that mean, really? let him in where? open what? he's desperate. he wants us to understand. he's trying so so hard Without the right tools to clearly communicate what he wants. he can't see Us, We can see him, both know the other is there, but there's no way to connect. and the attempts are hurting all parties involved, however unintentionally
#and its very ah. Autistic/Neurodivergent Horror i think?#the Wanting To Explain but Being Unable To because the people you're trying to communicate with#function differently than you. they don't understand. they Can't understand. their brains are wired differently.#no matter how hard you try there will never be understanding. your attempts to connect are somehow Incorrect.#and often - in my experiences at least - being that Different gets you hurt. people perceive your actions/behavior as a slight.#or as intentionally malicious! and then they get mad and you just.. dont get Why? you didn't Want to hurt anyone. you wanted to Explain.#you wanted someone to look at you and Understand. say 'oh. i see you! i get it now!' and have that Connection.#but you will never be understood. never Seen nor Heard. left in the dark. you're accidentally hurting them. they're hurting you.#it takes all of your strength to try to reach them and yet you still. fall. short. because they don't reach back.#anyway ive had these thoughts simmering for a lil while#Knowing whether or not the bug audios are present day or not would cross some theories off and write up new ones i think#that confirmation seems Important imo....#homebogging#welcome home speculation#welcome home theory#then of course there's the question of how Home fits into all of this... in the early days i was a 'home is evil' believer but now??#nah. home's not outright Evil i think. there's something complicated going on between them and wally and its role in all of this#im just... unsure of what. i think confirmation of whether his morse code says 'help me' or 'hello' would massively help clear up the sitch#is home an accomplice? a victim? a perpetrator? a secret fourth option? who's to say (yet)#i have many Thoughts about it based on a couple different things - the distorted voice under wallys. the waLLy guestbook entry. etc#but this post has gotten long enough and its Not on that particular subject#*grips the bug audios & home's morse code* you two motherfuckers would clear so much up i stg-#the bug audio's timeline placement could tell us whether or not wally is with his neighbors or if the neighborhood is intact (in some way!)#home's morse code would give Major insight into their place in all of this!!!#AGH THIS FUCKING PROJECT MAKES ME INSANE. IT'S SO GODDAMN GOOD WHO AUTHORIZED THIS-#as always take my words with a Hefty grain of salt & i hope it's coherent!#anyway there's nothing more dangerous & all-consuming than the need/desire to be understood <3
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hypogryffin · 11 months
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side-by-side
#persona 3#p3#mitsuru kirijo#p3 aigis#i have THOUGHTS and FEELINGS about the potential of mitsuai as a dynamic#emotions even#just. listen. they are the only two who can never stop fightjng shadows. who will never have peace and never leave the other world behind#everyone else has a choice. maybe akihiko doesnt feel like he does maybe he feels like he has to get stronger and keep figjting#so that no one he knows will ever get hurt again. but its a DECISION on his part to stay fighting shadows. and everyone else has left their#fighting days behind. but aegis and mitsuru??#aegis is a shadow suppression unit. she was created to fight shadows and even if she has a life and feelings and friends she will never#NOT be a robot made to fight and kill shadows. she can never stop. it is a part of her forever.#and mitsuru theoretically has a choice but. does she really? does she really? the moment she awoke to her persona she was cursed#now as the last kirijou alive she has a burden no one else could possibly bear. no one can take responsibility for her grandfathers sins.#nor for her fathers. nor for every person who worked at kirijou ergonomics no matter their innocence. no one but her.#she cant stop fighting shadows until the kirijou name is clear of guilt. and that will never happen until shadows stop existing#everyone else who survived sees have the option to put their weapons down. whether they choose it is on them but they CAN choose#mitsuru and aegis will never be so lucky#just. G-D! G-D! gnaws my arm off
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lion-buddy · 3 months
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i just want them to be real so bad
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mattodore · 5 months
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this is what i do when i'm having bad days 🤺
#river dipping#mattodore as a coping mechanism 🧘#i'm actually having a better day than yesterday i'm just grumpy atm from lack of sleep 🚆🚶#i stayed up last night watching old jerma streams yk how it is#made a character page yesterday but i’m not sure if i want to keep it… the character pics are TEMPORARY!!! btw.#i gotta take new plain bg cas pics for it but i was thinking abt making my own cas poses first 🤔#finally went back to finish writing the [redacted] scene with mattodore#have been super slowly adding more aesthetically pleasing images to theo’s text heavy board 🚬#also this picrew having a blue and red background option 😋#anyway… that’s my little update 🫡#i’m going to make theo’s custom beauty marks today and then i’ll get in blender to make this mattodore pose that is.#just. dog motif. you know. you understand the dynamics i don’t need to say anything else.#i’d show it off but for some reason matthias’s ripped sims all are missing his teeth cc…? so. can’t. the teeth are important to the pose ☝️#i’ll share pics when i actually go in-game later#‘later’ <- when i feel like turning on my desktop#i should do it soon tho that way i can slap new pics onto that oc page and see if i like it or not#i decided to try it out since it’s mobile friendly like my actual blog theme#like if you open up a browser on your phone and type in my blog or this character page’s url they both look nice !#i hunted for my blog theme for agesss but i found this character page pretty fast#it’s nice… it’s relatively simple looking (the code isn’t tho lmao) which i like. sometimes character pages are just. a lot.#and i think i prefer simple over complicated atp
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Man, when people bend over backwards to try and make the Golden Core Transfer out to be somehow SELFISH on WEI WUXIAN’S part, I feel a bit of myself die inside.
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cheap-slaw · 2 months
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I suppose I should update my commission info for 2024...
I've also been considering doing a giveaway sometime this year. Would anyone be interested in that? Not promising anything but I'm thinking hard about it
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mermaidsirennikita · 1 month
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"he reaches out to protect the heroine..."
:)
"... and the two small children in her care"
:(
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luvring · 8 months
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i totally get being annoyed/frustrated w x reader writers not adding read mores or tagging properly but hating on them Just Because they write x reader is craazyyy to me like what is inherently wrong w that. u can say u think a lot is written poorly but that has nothing to do w the basic act of writing x reader fics
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mymp3 · 6 months
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trailer talk
#compendiumnotebook#i probably articulated a lot of my trailer thoughts better to my mutuals and friends i was dming the other day#but the tldr of it is that im kind of disappointed they only seem to be adapting mostly movie and portable stuff#not that i hate hate portable or hate hate the movies#but saying that this is going to be a faithful remake of base 3 and having only portable events and options available + adding movie stuff#feels like a big slap in the face to fes and manga enjoyers. and dont get me started on the hammy lovers.#and also is just straight up incorrect. wish they would say what they're adapting rather than saying its a faithful remake#damn im so sorry yall. especially because if they wanted to do a portable adaptation she should be here.#even if im not her number 1 fan i get how dirty it feels#but tbh i am leaning more towards femc as dlc rather than the answer as dlc now#bc atp it just seems like they take fes for granted and brush it off#bc its not as popular#just feels kind of mean a bit#“manga and fes are there. but portable and movies seem to be popular so we can do more of that!”#minato being able to work a job is something i dont like. he's constantly overworked in every other department of his life.#now hes gotta work too?#it seems like this hero is less chronically ill tired angry and like theyre trying to give him more energy and “wipe away his wrongs”.#iddkkkkkk#im sure I'll warm up to it in game#and find a way to work this into my reading#but for now those are my thoughts#oh! i like his mp3 player saying hi to him. thats precious.
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untraceable-ace · 2 months
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I haven’t seen anyone mention this yet but is no one going to talk about GWENDOLYN BOUCHARD
edit: her name’s been public knowledge for a while my memory just sucks
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falderaletcetera · 3 months
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.
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hinterlost · 2 years
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The most unrealistic thing about Stardew Valley is the fact that Elliot lives in a shack with no electricity or internet access. How tf is an author going to google synonyms without electricity (don't say thesaurus I am old enough to had to of used those and they are a pain in the ass if you don't know what you're looking for). You're telling me this man writes on a TYPEWRITER? With no BACKSPACE button?? What if you want to quote something? Are ya gonna go down to the library that got literally all of it's books and artifacts stolen??
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