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#and naturally because of my hyperfixative adhd brain;
dnp-pet-rectangle · 7 days
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WAD reflection from the perspective of a theatre director
Inspired by @/calvinahobbes who did an amazing job breaking down the show’s metaphors & using her English degree in this post, I wanted to share my perspective on it (even a month later) & get use out of my theatre degree lol. Also, warning, this will be very much a long, long essay with run-ons. I have ADHD & I love when my frequent hyperfixations intersect 🤪 There are major spoilers.
My Background:
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I am a semi-professional theatre director, but more broadly, a theatremaker. I have a theatre degree from New York University’s Tisch School on the Arts (NYU Tisch), where I did a conservatory program with one of their studios which focused basically on those who wanted to do a little bit of everything and create new works & was the only studio training directors & playwrights. I originally went into the program as a performer. I did not mean to end up concentrating on being mainly a producer & a director, but that’s a whole other story. I also through that program had to take theatre/performance studies courses, which I loved for the most part & is an interesting interdisciplinary field. But I will try to define terms just in case since anybody reading this may not know any or all the specific terminology I might use. In short, I have a fancy degree that apparently should cost $300k 🤡 & I’m gonna actually use it with doing this lol
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Setting the Tone:
While Dan might call this a comedy special or comedy show, and thereby comparing it to other comedians, I actually think he is doing himself and We’re All Doomed (WAD) a disservice. I saw folks compare him a lot to Bo Burnham in the chat (who was actually was accepted and almost went to NYU Tisch for a different studio that focused on solely experimental work), which makes sense considering the theatrical nature of both of them. However, Dan actually goes further into the realm of theatre because of how he utilizes his crowd work (I’ll go into that later). I recognize traditional comedy specials/standup as having jokes or stories, when doing you know like late night talk show interviews, that can be made outside of the context of the show & slip into a conversation. Or with Burnham’s Inside Out, the songs & other parts can be done or understood mainly out of context, as seen through Bo uploading them to his YouTube channel. Comedy specials have the sections of their comedy stand-up thread together, but what Dan has done is weave his sections together. The length along with the intermission/interval being a part of WAD, adds to my point that he is not treating this as different material he tested out at different comedy clubs, but as something cohesive storytelling pieces. I think in terms of testing, Phil was the main sufferer audience member of the initial materials being created.
Anyway, you cannot as easily remove it from the context at certain points, because the transitions & the order of these different sections are treated as equally important, rather than a means to move on to the next section, with some possible space for improv.
Basically, I’m bi. Sorry, my brain started thinking about BIG when I started writing “basically” at the start of that sentence. Actually, what I am trying to say is that I would classify We’re All Doomed as a one-man performance piece/show, so I will be treating it as such in my review/reflection/breakdown. The comedy of it is important and there, but I don’t think it captures what WAD entirely is.
Also, unfortunately due to where I was at mentally at the time & the location it was being performed at, I never saw this live. To be honest, how it got framed marketing-wise did not help me feel connected with the actual purpose of the show, with hope being a key element. So while this was filmed, I am as much as possible trying to remove the cinematography as an element of my analysis. However, some things might be clearer on film, as with theatrical directing, you cannot add a zoom or crop & instead are trying to ensure moments are clear to an audience by what they see and hear through drawing their attention to it. With theatre being mainly about the live output by performers and intake by the audience, at the end of the day, what my job as a director is is to direct not only how the performers share the story, but also direct the audience on what is important to catch for understanding.
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Breakdown of Thoughts
Originally, I wanted to rewatch the show again, and started to, but considering I ended up writing about a whole page worth of things for each minute of the show & I was sleepy by the time I was like 5-10 minutes in, I decided to be nice to myself & stay up all night in my comfortable bed instead of staying up all night at my desk trying to take in-depth notes 🙃
I’m gonna breakdown this analysis/reflection into further sections, just to give myself some anchors & break up the blocks of text. Also as a way to just be that pretentious, maybe with an academic flair, as is fitting to be for something about Dan Howell (said affectionately 💕)
The Script/Writing
When considering the text of the show itself, two things came to mind for me:
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(1) This is definitely what I would call intertext. Intertext is a piece of writing that relates to another or more other writings through allusions. WAD is an intertext which alludes mainly to other works of Dan’s on his YouTube channel. The ability to get the true impact of the show relies on you knowing Dan (as his internet persona) on some level. And as a theatre maker & longtime fan, I love that it is, it’s what the piece needed to be. As a theatre producer, the hiatus from engaging with his audience and the limited runway given to reactivate interest in him and his creative work I think made it difficult to get that audience in some venues, along with some other funkiness (mainly with promo) I am less knowledgeable on. But I think Dan has already learned/continues to learn from that, which I think may have been valuable for him. (sidenote: I need the tea on all that because I love knowing how presenting venues work with performers, as well as the lack of understanding they have of internet culture as it relates to venue leadership.)
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(2) This was a work he made for himself. He mentions this both in the show & in reference to WAD multiple times. But I think what truly came to mind for me was that it is still powerful for him to write for himself. He is writing for what he needs to be hearing or wants to be processing creatively.
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I think why it is powerful is that Dan has discussed before how much stress he put on himself regarding danisnotonfire, and later Daniel Howell, videos, focusing on the audience, and how he was presenting a specific style/quality of video to them. Add in the layer of being closeted & actively fighting internalized homophobia, and the anxiety he built up makes sense. And I might personally attribute that more to his need to pass as straight & catering I believe at one point to an audience of cishet men, whether actual or perceived by him. Not all videos, especially the most impactful ones in my opinion, rely on this, but it was a key piece of what he made during his rise in popularity on the platform. This catering slowly decreased with the amount of uploads he was doing, along with a more tangible understanding of his audience thanks to the tours he did with Phil. Basically I’m Gay I think was the true shift where he gave himself permission to write work that had a main audience of himself. That’s where his best work has come from, and I think since then, he’s been able to have the space to process things creatively through his writing.
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The Relationship Between Performer & Audience
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When I was in theatre school, my directing teacher would constantly talk about not just considering the relationship of the performers on “stage” (I did a lot of more immersive work & we only had black box theatres, which is literally a room that is floor to ceiling black) but also the relationship of the performers & the story with the audience. By Dan knowing mainly who his audience would be, the show can now play with that understanding in mind.
This leads to my point that, overall, Dan does not use the fourth wall, and I think that is what makes We’re All Doomed work. It may also be why he called it a comedy show, idk.
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For those who don’t know what the fourth wall is, it is a term from theatre originally that is about the way in which a traditional theatre stage (called a proscenium) has three physical walls around it, while there is no 4th physical wall, so the audience can see the performance. If does exist physically, it is only the curtain that acts as the 4th “wall”. So, in order to keep it as a separation between the performers and the audience, the actors treat the side where the audience is as a fourth wall. When someone breaks the 4th wall, this is when they speak to audience directly, rather than to another character. Examples from English-speaking pop culture would be the asides from Hamlet or Ferris Bueller in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. But when you are the only person on stage, the only way to have a fourth wall is when you don’t reference that you know there’s an audience there. Hence, a monologue where the character is talking to themselves or an entity that is not the audience directly (or assigned to be the audience by the director), it is the closest you can have a fourth wall when alone.
Dan in his videos and in his previous tours with Phil never were without direct engagement of the audience (obvious with the naming of Interactive Introverts). It was never not a variation on him speaking with the audience in any type of dialogue, even if done parasocially.
Some of that is not new to theatre, but I would say is that it has become more of a trend within new theatre starting in the early 2010s to have more interactivity and a more authentic, explicit message that no performance will be the exact same. I definitely saw that in the shows I saw both Off-Broadway (which sidenote, all that means is that there’s fewer seats in that theatre, not about quality of the work or how worth it is to engage with) and larger settings like Broadway and the West End. That’s what I love about theatre, and why my own work is more about immersion and direct audience engagement.
Now Dan’s creative works have never been skit only or interested in telling a story outside of the realm of connecting with an audience as a variation of himself, so again, him not using the fourth wall overall is appropriate and fits in with what I mentioned about intertext. The piece does however start with a fourth wall for the music number, which I will walk through fully sharing why I am saying that about the song & dance opening after establishing some other concepts to help build understanding.
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Design Can Work With You or Against You
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I just want to say out the gate that the design was done really well, and I immediately felt a need to emphasize it after watching the first 10 minutes again.
First, let’s talk about the orange & black aesthetic of the show. Dan may have simply said that the orange just looked cool, but I think I would attribute more meaning to that color. Orange brings to my mind at first instance both a bright happiness/warmth and a sense of caution and warning, like road signs (at least those in America). The themes of the show reflect these two ideas and plays with the tension between them. I don’t know if he or the team meant to have that be a conscious choice, but there’s a joke I’ve had with other directors of when they get complimented on something unexpected, they just nod and say “yes, that was a choice”, even though it was just a random thing that happened or was something that you just thought would be cool to do. Orange runs through the show’s designs and it becomes clear that it is a tool for contrast and emphasis for the points Dan & the director want to make.
Now with the design team of costumes, lights, sound, and media, I can see a clear cohesion. Good theatrical design has the designs act as a character or highlighter in the story. Bad theatrical design can take away/distract from the core intensions of the show. It was so clear to me that the design was a character. And seeing that there were two media designers make complete sense considering the labor lift of both creating the projections displayed, but also creating/filming pieces of the media itself. The music/sound and lighting work well to articulate the manic feelings it means to instill in the audience and seeing it as a director, I assume part of the creative discussion was about parts of the media played they wanted to make sure were heard, and the lights help catch attentions in service of those pulled out moments. For costumes, I think Calvina did well in her post at articulating the elements of the costume and the progression it goes throughout the show. I’d rather not take up space to say the same thing truthfully.
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With all the design elements, I think three characters could be defined (not including the audience), two as main characters, and one as a supporting character. I would name the main characters as “the Circle” (the looming set piece throughout hosting the projections used throughout) and “Dan On Stage/Dan performing” (the one in the physical space) with the “voiceover Dan/inner voice Dan” as a supporting character. The voiceover only exists in the beginning, and it is only shared with us to demonstrate the way in which the Dan On Stage singing is not really that aggressively optimistic and wholeheartedly believes the words he is singing. He is not the Dan we know from the Internet, so we can cathartically laugh at the attempt to pretend everything is fine. The voiceover only has one role, and it is to force Dan to confront this breakdown has an audience.
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Staging an Opening Sequence: Our First Stage Character is the Circle
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In directing classes, often what you focus on is called stage pictures, which is meant to help you consider what the actual imagery you want to ensure the audience absorbs for their understanding of the piece. The first and last stage moment of each act should tell a basic story of what happened, and therefore, are heavily emphasized as important for directors. The Circle (capitalized for reference purposes) being lit up before the show starts and then again in conjunction with the light flashes and sound establishes the importance of the Circle to the show. When the projection comes into play, showing the speech of a 15-year-old Greta Thunberg before beginning to add more, we are then introduced to the purpose of the Circle to be an output/portal for the overstimulation of messages, in this case, I would claim it being what comes from the Internet.
The music/sound and lighting work well to articulate the manic feelings it means to instill in the audience and seeing it as a director, I assume part of the creative discussion was about parts of the media played they wanted to make sure were heard, and the lights help catch attentions in service of those pulled out moments. The Circle also through some of the lighting moments, mimic that of a clock, which again adds to the doomsday, the "end is near" type energy. To have the end of the opening sequence build to an explosion which then shows solid orange at the end while Dan is in silhouette begins the introduction to the orange emphasis & proposes a sort of prophet-like version of him after the apocalyptic imagery disappears as he rises to be seen. What we have opened with is setting the tone to how we should view these two characters of the Circle & the Dan on Stage.
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Song Time!
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Dan is such a theatre kid & I love that for him. His dramatic side shows through the moment he used a rise to start his show at the top of the stairs, first in a place of seriousness with the sharp lighting and smoke to then bring in a very happy music number. The contrast & switching of expectations is a key of comedic works, and shows through most of the phandom who did not know WAD started with that, as it is indeed funnier if it comes as a shock. The movement & music mimic what folks attribute to as musical theatre, which is campy, happy singing. Knowing he was the one who suggested the song for TATINOF, I am loving Dan clearly wanting to have that opening number of a musical moment, even if it is dripping in irony. The Circle & the lights in this acts as a supporter to the message of it being sunshine and rainbows, with literal rainbow lights included. (Sidenote: I am 99% sure the pigeon coo is Phil, so if anything, I’m disappointed he was not credited as Pigeon sound effect AND remote crisis manager. Idk why I could tell, but both times now, it’s what I immediately thought when hearing that part)
I think of the musical number as the only place where he does have a fourth wall, because the number does not directly reference the audience at the start. It’s a one-man moment and it is about the performance not the audience engagement. It starts falling away when he starts pointing out the “and you”s, but the voiceover is the real break in our understanding of the world. It is emphasized by the color inversion of the sun & sky media of the Circle. The director is saying, this is important to how you now interpret what you’ve seen & will see, this is another shift from what was established of this world.
I should mention “world” is the terminology used to name what the environment the story is being told in with consideration, especially in theatre, of how much of a need there is for suspension of disbelief. I believe this term is also referenced a lot when discussing the fantasy and sci-fi genres, since those also requires some distancing from reality for the audience. This ties into a phrase I will probably end up using a lot of “rules of the space”. When establishing this world for the show you are presenting to an audience, there is a type of logic that must be established in order to understand what is the baseline for what the audience will be engaging with over the span of the show. But the voiceover immediately changes the rules of the space, because it messes with the Dan on stage, and messes with the messaging of the Circle. It adds a new context to the Dan On Stage, as while a fan will know that this song is not in alignment of our knowledge of Dan Howell, we get confirmation that this indeed ironic and outside of the branding that Dan has boxed himself into over his time on YouTube.
But the voiceover is also not in alignment with that “branding”. It expresses concerns related to the Dan On Stage’s mental wellbeing. There is no irony or subtext in that voice, it is the most direct in speaking to Dan On Stage, because it is being said by a variation of Dan in voiceover to himself. These could be seen as questions he knows to ask himself, but as someone who advocates for mental health & shares now about being openly gay, I interpret that he may feel he cannot express that outside of his mind for fear of undermining his advocacy points. The discussion of the “wonders” of the Internet also continue building in the tension that exists throughout WAD of how Dan feels about that space. The voiceover then proposes at first a type of equal extreme, which only sees the Doom, and as someone with clinical Depression myself, I think is only a furtherance of the breakdown, rather than the reality check it started off being. Not that what is listed is wrong by any means, but the barrage of it is meant to expand the drowning feeling, not act as call to action or consideration of the intricacies for engaging in the world. With the Circle’s sun imagery & the music having been inverted and shifted to something more sinister, Dan’s movement up the stairs fits a type of circular moment from the first entry of him, where the image of the prophetic figure is questioned on how he alone will solve the climate emergency. The slap & break of character for the Dan on Stage serves to confirm our understanding of the voiceover as the voice in Dan’s head & indeed there are not two Dans.
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Also, the sparklers 🎇 showing up really make the key change for the song, but my producer brain is going, “girl, of course you lost money on this show, was that so VERY NECESSARY?” But the dramatic Gemini theatre bitch in me would 100% want this too. I just don’t have a capita£ester working to get sponsorship money in my life, so I have to be reasonable 😔 Also, the confetti with the high note is peak theatre gay so I again, love that for him. And of course, the confetti is orange.
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Hints of Orange
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When the song reaches its end & the Circle starts showing squares of orange, rather than a full background, this acts as a seed for the breakdown and waterfall of cubes, which Calvina speaks to the orange cube hint at the beginning in her post. The sudden cut-out with Dan simply lit replicates a moment the Circle is not present. The Internet is not present. To crawl to a microphone, the message is not “hey this guy needs two mics”, because we see one on his face, but that the wired mic (which I will now label as “The Microphone”) is a metaphor. It’s a crawl towards sharing out, not suppression. Only when the voiceover of himself points out the audience does he does a full fourth wall break. The suppression did not work, and neither he nor the audience can believe that it was the Truth.
The wire of the Microphone being orange showcases that it was meant to be seen. I don’t think it even in play in terms of the sound, like it might not even be on, considering the feedback nightmare it would likely cause. And no standard microphone used on stages has orange wires, because that would pull the audience’s eyes to it. But that’s the point here.
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The rules of the space are now this: the Circle is not always active, the Microphone has significance, the Dan On Stage knows there is an audience. None of these were true before, even the Circle was on before the start. This draws the audience to know there has been a shift & to have the first words said into the Microphone be “We’re All Doomed” solidifies the song moment was a blip, that this is really where we start at. As an example, in the social media section, Dan does a deliberate wrapping of the wire on his hand at the same time the Circle scrolls to the social media icon. It is how the director & Dan are ensuring that we understand “what he is saying and what is been shown on the screen are in tandem”, so if you’re paying attention to that wire, it signals you should look up too.
Every other prop, except I believe the gavel and wig, is also orange. The bubble gun is mainly what comes to mind for me, since the cubes are not as activated as props necessarily. But if an item is to enter the stage, what I interpret it as is that it must be orange, there must be high contrast, nothing in the physical world on the stage can become blurred, only screens have that privilege(?) to have things blend together.
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The Power Struggle Between Dan & the Circle
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Once Dan has begun directly conversing with the audience, the rules of the space are:
(1) Dan On Stage acts, the design elements react (not including the Circle)
(2) The Circle and Dan have a symbiotic relationship, as neither have complete control over the other & react to what each other are doing
(3) The icons are our guides in understanding the sectioning done throughout the show
(4) Having “One Good Night” is the goal to reach at the end of the piece
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As a person, as well as discussed throughout the show, we know that Dan has a contentious relationship with the Internet. It is what has given him his living but has also caused some of his worst moments mentally (2012? I don’t know her). It is the space in which lets him have an audience who have mainly showed him support, but also the space that has fed the cynicism that fuels his clinical depression. There lies in the way in which the Circle exists on the stage & looms over Dan in the background. It’s a necessary evil of what appears on the screen.
Why do I then say that the design elements are reacting? Well, if we remove the Circle from the equation, the lights, sounds effects, and props are all cued off of something Dan does like the clown honk. However, the Circle sometimes cues off what Dan does, but sometimes instigates what Dan speaks to. That especially is evident when video clips play that invoke what media Dan has been contending with on the Internet and the consequences of those things.
The Circle exists throughout both Act One & Act Two, but only becomes passive to the piece when Dan directly shows vulnerability & the removal of protective irony. Calvina spoke to this when discussing the costume choice of him opening the jumpsuit in Act Two to show the orange tank underneath.
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Cubes as Articulators
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Oh Creator did I have to dig deep into my brain for this term of articulators. So my directing instructor had some key terms that I think I don’t think are universally used, even by American theatre directors or at least in academic settings. She defined articulators to basically be elements that helped give almost like checkpoints for the progression of a throughline in a show. For WAD, that is easily those orange cubes.
When static is displayed on the Circle’s screen each time we transition to a new section, it is not the typical emulation of TV static, it is that sea of orange squares. It is an articulation of those fear, issues, concerns, all those pinpoints Dan speaks to why he says “We’re All Doomed”.
That’s why there is the culmination of the orange cubes falling on him, when he reaches the top of the stairs at the end of Act One. When he circles back to the same stage picture of him at the top, it can been considered a repetition of the prophetic imagery I pointed out from the opening sequence. What changes is that the orange squares enter the physical world, falling onto Dan. He can no longer say they live in his head. They are here and stay in the space until the end of the show. In Act One, they are the looming issues that signal the Apocalypse. In Act Two, they are the rubble that must be sorted through.
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Calvina was the one who named it rubble and the cubes as representations of Dan’s problems. To have the audience actually able to take a cube home, she argued, would be symbolic of the audience helping carry that weight. While I’d love that, I mentioned in my tags on her post that I think mentally, that rubble would still be at his feet, even with taking home that visual metaphor. This is Dan we’re talking about, and with personal responsibility being a topic of the show, while it’s not his burden to bear alone, he does have to recognize it exists.
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I think the repetition of the prophetic imagery comes to its climax when in the aftermath found in Act 2, voting who to fire into space can and does end up with him being sent by the audience. It represents an understanding of where he exists now from where he did at 18 in terms of social, political, and economic access and the possibilities of his influence. There is a responsibility there that ties to how he can move in the world now publicly, so why wouldn’t he have an existential crisis?
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It is a Comedy Though, Right?
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This is hundred percent comedy, and obvious dark humor at that. As a director, I love comedy, especially this type, because when an audience gets to laugh, the armor gets stripped away. They have no built-up resistance that let’s any uncomfortable point be heard effectively. It’s why the end’s vulnerability is effective, because we have already joked and laughed about our pains and our desire for escapism. Now we are able to move on into a place of reflection.
To underline why I say this is not stand-up comedy is that Dan has made it a stage show, just one that has comedy as a vehicle for telling this “story”. His interactions with his audience, through both quips based on audience reactions or “heckling” as well as explicitly asking for input into who to shot to space or what to add as a mad lib (generic brand for law purposes), are about being blended into the loose narrative constructed already, not actually to be reactionary like most crowd work I associate with stand-up comedy.
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If anything, I could argue that it could be considered a comedy special that “Dan On Stage” is trying to make, but there is actually conflict being introduced that disrupts his set (both the comedy one and the physical one). There is clearly a showing of meta, as Dan makes sure to share thoughts on the creation of the show, the reactions from his overall show branding & imagery, the use of the lift because it was expensive to have. Dan’s comedy style can never be told without reference to behind the scenes, because if this is a creative means to process feelings, there are things about the show & its making that impact what needs to be processed too. It is also related to how his work is strengthened by acknowledging the two-way street of being in a parasocial relationship with his audience.
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Can We Have One Good Night?
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Another term central to what my directing teacher spoke of was the “Core”, usually a question, though not always, that motivated what was being explored over the course of a theatre piece. At the top, as Dan on Stage exaggerates that love doesn’t exist (which Dan refutes as being an actual belief of his during the afterparty) and other sardonic phrases, he also states he wants to give his audience one good night, because he recognizes the escapism his audience finds in his solo and joint content. We’re All Doomed’s Core is “can we just have one good night, even in the midst of the horrors we have outside of these theatre doors?”. But I would also say that in terms of where his writing was at the time of WAD’s inception and the naming of his mental health book as You Will Get Through This Night, it feels more like Dan himself has been grappling with a Core of “can I have one good night? Or a full 24 hours where I feel mainly happy when all I am bombarded with about the world is suffering?” I think night can be both literal, since we know he has had sleep issues, and metaphorical, as the night can represent this depressive episode he was writing himself out of.
When the mood tracker gets discussed in the last portion of WAD, to see a sea of neutral or uninterested emojis demonstrates when he took the time to do it, the answer that night was “no, not really” 😕. The main one mentioned is the ritual of “Fry Day” he has with Phil (sidenote: why are these British men not calling it “Chip Day”, since this ritual falls on a Saturday?), which is a rare smiley face. The question he likely has then is “can I ever have a good night again?”
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So for him to then turn to his own videos during one of those nights, to a video where he states his famous “embrace the void and have the courage to exist,” that showcases what I mentioned of his best work being written for himself, in this case, a future version of himself.
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Ending Sequence: Where Do We Land?
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When the Circle does not display any media, it again shows the orange square motif, but after mentioning his own video, he turns to his audience for glimpses of what joy exists even in the face of Doom. The Circle changes into a display of different submitted clips showcasing this joy and hope that Dan was clearly looking for throughout this piece. He walks towards the top of the stairs to witness these clips. I cannot for my life at this point having now been separate from it for about a month, but I believe before the submitted media sequence, he states the famous line again of “Embrace the Void and Have the Courage to Exist”. With this last thing spoken, it gives that emphasis needed to take in the message emotionally and then witness what the Void (in this case the Circle) can offer.
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A Good Director Should Go Unnoticed
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When someone is not versed in theatrical directing, if the audience cannot tell what was a choice by the director or even consider the director themselves, this is weirdly a good sign. It means that it feels natural to what they are witnessing and to the messages that are meant to be communicated to the audience. As someone who also works in government, it feels very similar, as only bad work is evident to the general public. Obviously that is not true for everyone, but is an overall trait I think impacts both an understanding of public service and directing.
I am not familiar with any of the work of Ed Stambollouian, who through research, looks like he has done work with comedians like Joe Lycett (who I am also not familiar with) and directed TATINOF, but also more stripped down, exploratory theatre. Through a quick review of his portfolio, one, I am not shocked that Dan tapped him to assist with directing since there is a familiarity and two, his background tells me he knows how to direct for writer-performers, which is what comedians really are at the end of the day.
To direct for those who are doing one-person shows that they both wrote and performed, it is especially tricky to have the artist hand the reins over to the director. The director in this case acts as the artist’s eyes, because an artist cannot clone themselves. It is impossible for them to wear multiple hats at once, where they can give quality, objective feedback to themselves while also doing a full out performance. For Ed to be someone Dan has worked with before, there is already an established understanding of each other’s work styles, and a trust that otherwise would have to be built up before the work can truly begin to finalize the piece.
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In short, Ed Stambollouian and the creative team on We’re All Doomed did an incredible job bringing what I understand Dan intended when he started writing this down in isolation. And @danielhowell you whole-heartedly deserve to call this your magnum opus. What can I say (sorry I can't help lovingly poking fun at you), your artistry shines throughout the show. I hope this too can be something your future self can turn back to.
🧡
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(bonus) Thoughts on Orange Carpet & the Phil element
I didn’t fully rewatch the orange carpet, just to keep myself on task & not bring Phil too much into the main reflection without explicit reference in the show, but hearing Dan go “I’m alive in 3, 2…” made me laugh both times. He understands that we just want to know he has a pulse, ya know? Also them pretending it totally was live, when those fools (affectionate) cannot run a real live broadcast from their home for their lives. It just ran too smoothly, esp. in the transitions, for it to be anything but some very, very light editing on one improvised take they did. But I always support them in their acting, no matter how bad, like with DITL Australia’s opener or pretending there were not two apartments or that Google Feud being back was unplanned or Dil being pregnant with a statistically rare alien child or Phil living in a tiled, cramped bedroom or...
Also, Dan’s little laugh at the end of Phil’s sign-off is so fond it hurts. It also hurt that the VOD was hard to scrub through, so another deduction for the Kiswe platform.
Anyway, I’m glad that Dan was able to find space outside of the Dan & Phil branding of the 2010s as well as the image he was forced to manufacture for his YouTube presence, but also realize that with having a core audience that wants him to simply be happy, he can recognize that Phil is part of the things that make him happy. And can do so openly.
He is his own person, but it has been clearly emphasized now that Dan has no interest in not acknowledging that Phil always is and will be part of his present and future. He has made work like WAD & "Gay and Not Proud" to explore his way of thinking without the support of Phil present in the filmed/performed aspect. Dan acknowledges this intention, which is evident with him shooing away Phil at the beginning of “Gay and Not Proud” to process it alone.
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It is also evident with the ending of “Daniel & Depression” and the WAD end credit of remote crisis manager showcasing the caretaking role Phil often plays in Dan’s life. But we know that caretaking is reciprocal, considering Phil's tactics with glue as well as his continuing health issues and anxieties. Dan has seen who he is without Phil by his side everyday in the public eye & has no interest in maintaining that Phil is absent for public projections.
I obviously do not know Dan Howell, or anything about him outside what exists on the internet. But in performance studies, there is a foundational understanding that there is no way to not be performing in some way during your day-to-day. Performing is not inherently a bad thing, as there are different roles you take on in your life, where how I engage at work is different from how I am hanging out with friends. This also has basis in gender studies, such as ideas that you can perform your gender "wrong". What has been so interesting to me in this phandom renaissance is the way Dan and Phil each perform as themselves in front of the camera now. What they share out and the layers they include--or choose to not remove--have been stated by them explicitly to be the most authentic they have ever been, without obviously removing their right to privacy. During the height of the glass closet that was their 2018 content, I remember thinking that it was going to be the most they would show us in the vain of "if you know, you know, and we know who will know". After the coming out videos of 2019, obviously that's not true, but the return of dapg has signaled a message of "we know you know, if you've been in the know" while veiled in a way that is not immediately perceivable by those who are casually engaging with their content. It is an authentic portrayal of themselves without filter, while also providing themselves space to not have to announce everything to the world. When you are in the know, it definitely targeted and causes psychic damage, but I am ready for anything and everything they throw our way.
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linisiane · 1 year
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I’ve seen that post on here that’s like “What did they put in this game to make us all Like That,” and I think we’re all Like That about Disco Elysium bc we’re all hyperfixating on it because it surprisingly speaks to the chaos of living with ADHD. And we SEE that and feel seen.
- First of all, Harry Du Bois Adhd headcanons pop off hard, especially with the whole “I do speed to do detective work,” aka I need stimulants to focus, aka unintentional self-medication. Also the poor impulse control, emotional disregulation. And the voices remind me of the way my brain jumps topic to topic so I have like 4 ongoing topics going at once. Stereo investigations, thoughts in the thought cabinet, if you will.
- Additionally, a lot of interactions surrounding Harry’s memory loss even feel very ADHD. ADHD is a problem with working memory (attention/focus), which cascades into causing problems with encoding memories for long term storage. You can’t remember what you never even focused on. Because of this, being forgetful of things that seemed basic or obvious or easy to remember for other people is a staple problem for people with ADHD, and while the game is obviously much more extreme with total retrograde amnesia, I find that the game’s demonstration of “the people being frustrated or confused by basic things you’ve forgotten or misplaced” (and this being taken seriously as a Big Issue affecting your life, even if the others don’t take it seriously/brush it off) is very relatable and almost cathartic. Even if the only reason why it’s taken so seriously in the game is because you’ve just literally lost all your memory… and your gun lol
- Harry doing buck wild things to get results based on the conversations going on inside his head, which don’t get read to the outside world, is very relatable. Again, my brain jumps topic to topic so much that it’s almost hard to track the logical thread connecting the thoughts internally, much less explain them to another person at the same time. The “how did we get here, what exactly brought you to this course of action? This seems unrelated, detective” is very much a conversation I experience on the daily, whether with myself or the people around me.
- Kim Kitsuragi is the ADHD fantasy. @snowberry-pie’s got in one. He’s perfect for fighting off that executive dysfunction by helping you actually get shit done while not being suffocating/controlling/shaming about it. He sorta takes responsibility of you to help you take responsibility of yourself. He’s a body double, your partner in it with you. Lets you go on your barely related stereo investigations and indulges your inexplicable actions instead of controlling you, trusting that it’s part of the process lol. Offers positive reinforcement instead of using shame (like calling Harry a burden) to get Harry to focus on the case.
Disco Elysium has lots to say about how disability is exacerbated/unsupported by the system for a lot of characters, including Harry. Adhd fits right into that, especially with the ways an ADHD!Harry interpretation would highlight the understandable nature of his drug addiction (not only was it a way to cope with chronic pain that no one was treating him for, but also a way to cope with unmedicated ADHD).
Anyways I wrote this instead of writing my paper.
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hu5kay · 2 years
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What it’s like living with Autism and ADHD as an Adult;
Surfaces? Cluttered with random shit, literally no organization anywhere ever
Able to watch an entire series, not remember a damn thing. Don’t even bother to remember names of the characters either
Speaking of names? What’s your name again? I know you told me 50 times already I’m sorry.
I collect Accents in my brain like they are fucking Pokémon cards
Books, movies, albums, games everywhere. Never read, watched, maybe listened to a single song, played that game for 20 minutes and never played it again. More decorations I guess.
Wait, y’all have consistent diets and workout plans? I could never.
Did I pay that bill? *checks my reminders, forgot to set the reminder*
Sorry I didn’t reply to your text, I read it and replied in my head but forgot to type and send it
Rereading an entire chapter cause while reading a certain passage my mind wandered again
I absolutely hate a lot of those “ADHD Lifehack” videos. They don’t work lol
Annoyed by basic human interaction while craving it at the same exact time
Know what a Social Meter is? I memorized mine
Phone calls are terrifying unless I’m 100% comfortable with you. Even then it sometimes can be overstimulating
RIP to all my plants I got when I was hyperfixating on them and forgot about them
I can determine if I want to be friends with you based on a small conversation when we meet. Majority of people I don’t consider friends and will only talk to them to pass time.
A part of my body has to constantly be moving or I get anxiety, fuckin weird amirite
When I’m hyperfixated on a certain hobby, I go hard until I literally burn myself out. I know I do it but I physically can’t stop myself until I’m burnt out. Will probably resume it in a few months though.
Self care means nothing to me
Watching a show that’s more than two seasons is very difficult
I’m able to completely forget about people for months. No I don’t do this on purpose. Lost a lot of friends this way. It hurts to be honest but I understand.
My aesthetic can change QUICK. For example: I can have a 80s style phase, punk or alternative phase, responsible adult phase, outdoorsman phase, and pretty much every style you can think of in the course of a week.
People think I’m fake because I can relate to most things and interests
I can stare off and think of something in depth, forget about it as soon as become aware of my surroundings. (Intense daydreams)
I was labeled as lazy growing up. I literally tried to be the best I could but I mentally couldn’t do anything after school no matter how much I tried.
The fear of never knowing what I want career wise cause my wants change frequently
I have a talent of figuring out other people are autistic based if they are like me in the slightest way. I’m right about 60 to 70% of the time. I don’t tell them though.
I’m easily overwhelmed by basic adult tasks. Can be as simple as dishes or laundry. Bills are debt are a nightmare
The future honestly terrifies me. Good or bad, I naturally stress about everything. No idea why. Planning with me is a nightmare
When I say I don’t care, I genuinely don’t care. I’m not being mean, I’m just passive cause options overwhelm me.
There’s a ton more but if I keep going I’ll get off track more than I already have.
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gravyhoney · 7 months
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Cw// gun/weapon
Let me into your brain about the silly legos (hc’s) - ✧
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IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED ABOUT MY HCS‼️‼️
Idk which Legos you were referring to so I will make a HC post for Ninjago characters since it’s what I’m currently hyperfixating on.
Buckle in for an extremely long post because I am insane. Cutting it to keep it organized for u guys 🫶
So one thing about me is that I love incorporating other people’s headcanons into my own. And sometimes that leads to some contradicting headcanons, so in my little brain I have like, multiple different sets of headcanons for a bunch of different characters while also having My Headcanons, those being the ones I believe in the most/came up with without outside influence. I will be listing My Headcanons, but I type that entire preface to explain why some of my posts might be contradictory of the headcanons I list here 🫶
It’s gonna go like this in no particular order. (The order of how excited I am to share my hcs for them)
Character name- gender/pronouns, sexuality
List of headcanons
——————————————————
General-
Their eye color aligns with their element, they all have their natural eye colors, but after realizing/unlocking their elemental powers, they began to change.
Adding onto the above hc, Kai and Nya's eyes are still pretty dull due to them being like, the last two to realize their powers, while Jay's are extremely bright and vibrant.
Jay- she/they (occasionally he) transfem + gender-fluid, bisexual
Hard of hearing, wears hearing aids. I think the hearing loss has always been there, but I think her elemental power just worsened it, bc you know. Thunder loud.
That being said, I think she was the first to get her elemental powers. I think they got them when she was like, a really really young kid.
Has heterochromia.
Came out as trans like, mid-prime empire.
Has psychosis and suffers from delusions.
Not rlly a Jay hc, but related. Their mom gave them up because she was desperately hoping they wouldn't have an elemental power, but if she did, they'd be near unfindable because she lived through hell and didn't want Jay to have to go through the same.
AuDHD
Nya- she/they transfem nonbinary, bisexual demiromantic
Has a tremor after un-merging with the ocean.
Her and Kai both have pretty bad anger issues.
SHE CAN BREATHE UNDERWAAAATTTEEERRRRR I believe she can ok?
For a long time after Hands Of Time she hates the way she looks because of how much she looks like her mom.
Still holds a heavy resentment against their parents, because even though it wasn't their choice to leave, them and Kai still had to grow up alone.
Fucking hates the taste of cinnamon.
Has time blindness, but only after un-merging with the ocean. She became disoriented and confused about the passage of time after being the ocean for so long.
Sometimes they still feel pulled back to the water.
Best friends with Cole (I believe this one wholeheartedly)
ADHD
Lloyd- he/they nonbinary, aroace
Has insomnia, and a sleepwalking problem when he can get to sleep.
Looked fairly human when he was young, but as he got older, his Oni and Dragon features started showing more.
The feelings he felt for Harumi was mostly confusion because she was the first girl he got close to that didn't have what felt like an 'older sister' role in his life.
Really likes bugs.
Has auditory processing disorder.
Their body doesn't regulate temperature regularly.
Religiously watches iceberg videos.
Likes wearing more loose fitting, baggy clothing.
High-empathy autistic.
Kai- he/him transman, bisexual
He and Nya both have pretty bad anger issues.
He likes occasionally dressing femininely, but usually decides against it because he’s afraid people won’t take him seriously.
HIS ASS IS NOT THE DESIGNATED DRIVER
Has burn scars that go pretty far up his arms due to his own elemental power.
Extremely high body heat, has to wear gloves to avoid burning people at the touch.
Has a pretty bad memory due to constant concussions (his ass got beat to shit CONSTANTLY)
Was stealth trans for a while, because he wanted people to take him seriously, but stopped caring after a while and is extremely open about his identity.
Has a deep paranoia that he’s going to hurt the people he cares about, and is constantly over correcting at ever little mistake.
ADHD
Cole- he/they, gay ace grey-aro
After the events of DOTD he has to use a mobility aid for a while while he gets accustomed to having a body again.
Body-image issues.
He feels like he’s supposed to be in charge of keeping everyone safe.
Best friends with Nya and Vania (I believe in this one SO hard.)
He loves cooking, and is very defensive about it. NOBODY is allowed in the kitchen while he's cooking (except Nya she's his taste tester).
Has constant night terrors and has a very detailed sleep routine to avoid them.
Super good with kids.
Girls girl (gender neutral).
OCD + ADHD.
Zane- they/them agender, panromantic ace
Will sometimes pick up little crafts or projects, jack of all trades type vibe.
Is actually SUPER up to date with every single internet trend or meme.
Can't taste (bc they're a nindroid...) but fr thought for years that all food just had no taste until the robot reveal and they're like 'ohh'
Has constantly wildly shifting morals.
Genuinely the scariest of the group, sometimes freaking out everyone else. This makes them sad. They present themselves in such a way to make them approachable.
Has a tendency to blame themself when everything goes wrong.
Refuses to talk about their feelings to anyone else, bottling it up.
Autistic.
Pixal- any pronouns agender, unlabeled ace
Runs every single online forum about the ninja, none of them know.
Always has to feel useful, or she gets stressed out easily.
Listens to podcasts when he works.
Wildly defensive.
Felt a little unworthy of the Samurai X title when nobody knew it was them.
Low-empathy autistic.
Skylor- she/they, lesbian
True neutral (generally looks out for herself, doesn't really do things for the greater good, but for her own sake)
Doesn't remember her mom at all, she passed away when she was extremely young.
After the events of S4 she completely uprooted her life, changed literally everything about herself to disconnect herself from her father. Renamed the noodle shop, and completely rewrote the menu.
Makes most of her own clothes.
Picked up painting, is insanely good at it.
Slightly self destructive, constantly trying to distance themself from the ninja, but Kai always drags her back.
Realized her elemental power at a very young age, mostly because of her father.
BPD + CPTSD.
Vania- she/fae/it/he transwoman, lesbian aromantic
Very talkative.
Writes to Cole a lot (she has both a phone and his phone number it just likes writing to him).
Plays a lot of instruments, faer favorites being the harp and the violin.
Extremely anxious that she's not going to be a good queen, constantly overcorrecting.
Really indecisive and always changing his mind.
AuDHD
Harumi- she/he bigender, pansexual
Probably bites people.
Because of how sheltered she was with the royal family, she doesn't know a lot of basic life skills, and had to teach herself near everything she knows.
He did learn how to sew, and mends his own clothes.
Has albinism.
Always blaming her problems on other people, that being a product of the extreme pressure he was under when princess.
ADHD + CPTSD.
Sora- she/they/various neos transfem, lesbian
Always has to be busy, or she will start spiraling.
Wildly protective of Arin.
Was constantly getting into fights in the early days of living in the crossroads, very quickly learned they'd have to constantly fight to survive.
Talks about xer childhood like 'haha yeah it be how it be :)' and everyone listening is completely horrified.
Views everyone she meets as a threat until they prove they aren't.
Really likes reading, her favorite genre being sci-fi.
Does some creative writing, but has never shown anyone her writing.
Love language is quality time.
Since realizing their elemental power, she's had a tremor in her hands. She hates it.
Low-empathy autistic + OCD.
Arin- he/they transmasc, unlabeled aroace
Needs people to be in the kitchen when he bakes, he's very social.
Wildly protective of Sora
Has night terrors, has never talked about it.
Actually really good at fighting dirty if needed. Bro kicks ASS.
Picks at his fingernails.
Has read Sora's writing, (she doesn't know) he finds some comfort in it.
Love language is physical touch.
Is always completely down to prank people, a devious little guy.
Nearsighted, but doesn't ever mention it because he doesn't know.
Craves validation from anywhere he can get it.
Low-empathy autistic + ADHD
Wyldfyre- he/she/they nonbinary, queer greyaro
Anger issues for days.
Really physically strong.
Love language is physical touch.
Has burn scars on their hands and thinks they make them look badass.
Talks loudly because he has hearing loss.
Doesn't know how to interact with people, seeing as she was raised by a dragon.
Low pain tolerance, but knows how to hide it.
It never came up until she started living with people, but he's deathly afraid of seeming weak or incapable.
ADHD
Euphrasia- she/her transwoman, unlabeled ace
Introverted as hell.
Can hold her own in a fight for a surprisingly long time (I know this is not canon compliant, let me be delusional)
Had really long hair, but had a manic episode and cut it all off.
Likes drawing.
Despite her job, she's not too keen on reading.
Autistic
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system-of-a-feather · 2 months
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So I was reconnecting with an anonymous friend (/j) and we were talking about ADHD and Autism cause those were both things we ended up realizing we had that was obvious in hindsight - but the topic of hyperfixation vs special interest and where the line is drawn came up and I had to like read into it (and I might ask my therapist who specialized in AuDHD) but from what I'm getting is hyperfixations are very intense focus and interest on one topic where its all that the brain really wants to think about where as special interests are these chronic long standing specific topics that persist throughout large periods if not all of life and serve as these large motivating factors for autistic people and things they tend to center their life around and its really made me realize that my special interests are a lot shorter and more specific than what I thought
And I also realized that the whole thing of how I REALLY can't enjoy life unless I have a reason or place it falls into is kinda just because I literally don't have interest in engaging in life if I can't make it relate to my special interests and the plans I want to do with it. I really Do Not exist or live much outside of my special interests and it takes a lot of effort to broaden my horizons to things that actually involve my social and emotional needs (which I do because I need to in order to survive) but like.... I literally don't care for living if not for my special interests; and I don't mean that really in a stereotypically depressed way, I have no issue with life and my life doesn't suck or anything, but I have literally no motivation to do anything that isn't related to my special interest and so I tend to get suicidal if I loose interest in them because I just don't have the motivation to live. Again, not for any "sad" reason, just chemically, I go "welp breathing takes up more effort than its worth maybe I should just die cause I'm not motivated"
And I realize, that is a large place where I really struggle to understand people that don't run on a similar wavelength and its a large reason why I always know what and where I'm doing and what I want to do - because I ALWAYS want to do something connected to a handful of topics and if I don't then my brain would just rather lay down and die than chronically live for reasons other than my special interests.
Everything I do, everything I'm motivated to engage in, is because it ties back to one of the following:
Behavioral and Psychological Phenomenon (how and why animals and people are the way they are and the facets that go into it)
Birds
Research
The creation and sharing of complex fictional worlds
And a lot of them, as I've recovered trauma and integrated parts, I've had to recover that were latched off from the rest and I think additional two others that have always been important that I'm not sure if they are properly Special Interest level or not yet since I'm not as well connected with them but
Game making is probably somewhere to be integrated into the concept of creation and complex fictional worlds but I don't have the verbage to label it cohesively
Nature and understanding the way the world is within itself
And I was going to say a totally different tangent / ramble on this topic, but I think when looking at it, my special interest as a very broad integrated topic is "Experiences of the real and fictional world and the means of exploring and sharing it"
And so I like to think, I like to talk, and I like to share a lot - and for some reason its all bird themed because autism can't be cohesive without the random creature theming
But ya know, rambling
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autistic-af · 1 year
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I think I might be autistic but honestly I have no clue and I don’t want to interpret things wrong and… idk I just think it’ll be a whole mess.
for starters, I have a really hard time with social stuff (either that or I read way to far into everything). Im not quite sure if that is my ADHD, or if I really even struggle all that much, if it’s just made up in my head.
I also have this one thing that I’ve been calling a hyperfixation but it’s been going on since I found out it existed, and I’m not sure if it qualifies as a special interest? I obsess over it, and I know pretty much everything I can about that general category, but, again, it could be ADHD?
generally I’m just terrified that I could have been misdiagnosed or that I could literally just be blowing things out of proportion but I’ve related very heavily to most things I see about autism and I just wanted a second opinion.
Obviously I can't give a professional opinion, and there isn't enough information given to give too much personal opinion. However, I can tell you the main thing to look at is the "why" of your traits.
So, a common example I give is the major differences between friendships with autism or ADHD:
I am autistic and struggled to make friends at all because I did not understand the social interaction required to make a friend. I often was seen as weird, "off-putting", or hard to understand since I did not enjoy the same things as my peers. The friends I did make often kept me out of their inner circles, although they never saw it as pushing me away... They just assumed I wasn't interested in anything.
My husband, who is combined ADHD, never struggled to make friends as he has always been open and friendly enough to be the centre of a group. However, he struggles to keep friends. His high energy, hyperactive nature, sudden mood crashes etc makes him "too much" for many people. He also loses interest in people and activities quickly, so has little to bond over unless it's his enjoyments. So friendships are rare for him.
From the outside, the trait of "has difficulties making friends" looks the same. But as you can see, is very different on the inside.
I can't say much about the hyperfixations. Hubby hates his, as he has bad coping skills around his ADHD, so doesn't view his hyperfixations as enjoyable. He sees them as annoying obstacles to something meaningful that he must cater to because his brain is demanding it. He also doesn't maintain the information he learns easily. But I don't think his reactions are the standard ADHD response. His is years of trauma and undiagnosed ADHD.
Special interests, on the other hand, are enjoyable, energy giving activities. Hubby said my reaction to my special interests "sounds like heaven".
So, it's hard to say whether what your traits are due to. But I think looking at the "why" is always the place to start.
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Hi! I absolutely adore your Teldryn Sero art!! ❤️❤️❤️ Seeing it always puts a big smile on my face :)  Forgive me if you’ve explained this somewhere before already, but I was wondering abt the “danger!josh” thing? Is it an OC of yours named Josh who becomes Teldryn when he’s older or..? Maybe a meme thing? Sry if this is obvious to others, English isn’t my 1st language, so maybe it’s smt I just don’t understand 😅 Thank you for all you do!!!
Hi there anon! Thank you so much, Teldryn is my current character hyperfixation and my brain pretty much only wants to draw him so it's amazing that it's bringing others joy! :) About Danger!Josh. (I haven't actually elaborated on it much outside of Discord tbh). As far as the Danger!Josh thing. It stems from an inside joke between a friend and I about how common certain dunmer names have become since the release of ESO (there are 3). Throwing out the idea that the name Teldryn is about as popular as the name Josh was in the 90s and that his mother named him that because it was "trendy/popular". (also playing off the fact that Sero is a fandom fav). It kind of took off from there. The Danger!Josh tag was coined by my friend in reference to the particular chaotic characterisation that I have of him in the fics that I've been writing. He's one of those "Nerevarine Teldryn" characters that got very OCafied just from my natural design process...It started with the Morro-mullet and expanded into...whatever weird thing he is now. So we just refer to my particular flavour of Teldryn Sero as "Josh" because the guy just...feels like a Josh. XD Reluctant Nerevarine, ADHD/ODD personified, Hlaalu and Erabenimsun reject, staunch abolitionist, Retching Netch investor. Guy means well...he's just a fuck up. XD
It's mostly just a fun inside joke :D
Thank you for the question anon <3 I appreciate it :D
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lunarlegend · 6 months
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you know, the more i think about it, the more it absolutely fucking infuriates me when NTs use the terms 'hyperfixation' and 'special interest', or confuse the two
as someone who is autistic and has ADHD, i get both, and they are nothing like each other
a hyperfixation is like an obsession to me, often short-lived, and usually lasts a couple weeks to a month. i get them with shows, games, etc., and they tend to rotate. i describe it as "going through phases" with the things i like, and they usually go dormant once i've become burnt out on whatever the thing is.
on the other hand, a special interest is peaceful, and it never goes away. it doesn't change, or "rotate". it's not a phase. and it's not exhausting; it doesn't end in burn out (it never ends at all!)
a special interest is like having an extra sense, that's the best way i can describe it. it becomes a natural scope through which i can view the world, and an essential aspect of how i function as a person. if i can't access it, i feel almost "dulled", like losing your sense of smell when you have a cold.
and unlike a hyperfixation, there is nothing stressful about having a special interest! thinking about it is as natural as breathing, or sleeping. do i know everything about it? yes. but it doesn't feel like i need to put any effort into it in order to achieve that. my brain just does it on its own.
going back to the senses thing, a special interest is essential to me as an autistic person because it's literally how i process everything. i use my special interest to help me deal with grief. i use it to help me pull myself out of depressive episodes. i use it to distract myself from my anxiety. and i use it to bring myself back down to earth when i get too overwhelmed. so, for all the happiness it provides me with, it's also an invaluable tool to help me process my emotions and handle anything difficult that comes up. it's so much more than just an "obsession".
i don't know where i'm really going with this, i guess i just thought about it too much and felt like venting. but if you're not neurodivergent, neither of these terms apply to you. and if you're NT and going to talk about them, make sure you actually know what the hell you're talking about.
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artistvicky · 2 months
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I think i might have ferrets for brains lol but it's all good as long as i throw a toy and maybe some treats in there so that they don't chew on too many of my brain cells
Anyways i wanted to send in an ask because i want to and you're here and also i want to know what's up and idk that's all lol
What kind of games do ya play (if you don't play much than what about books or comics or what have you? Feel free to pick multiple cause i just wanna interact and i want to know)
I play sun haven and Stardew valley as well as a multitude of other farming games (i play so many dang farming games lol)
I tend to read anything with monster romance, hell yes, though my dream is to have a series or just multiple books that center around deep platonic closeness but hit the same points of comedy, adventure, and interpersonal sweetness as romance fantasy (I'm so starved for queerplatonic stuff and other close friendships that don't evolve into romantic dynamics 🥲. Give me a book about a group of friends who are sweet and live together and that's what they want)
Oooo ask time !!! A rare occasion to infodump lol although for some reason i'm not sure if this really was addressed to me maybe my brain is just weird (as usual)
Hmm i play a variety of a games, i don't think i have a specific fave genre? I really like roleplaying and farming sims tho, as seen from my sun haven hyperfixation lmao help
Some faves include jet set radio, hades, pokemon, stardew and sun haven of course, i really like minecraft which i wanna pick back up sometime but hhhhh,,,, i used to play world of warcraft which i also miss but my rollercoaster of an energy does not let me consistently play mmorpgs, which is evident in me trying to play ffxiv and then dropping it for months after once again ;;w;;
Also vtmb obviously please i am a vampire simp of course i played *and* love vampire the masquerade: bloodlines. Muah muah muah vampire the masquerade my beloved (i miss playing vtm (drops to knees and weeps about wanting a ttrpg group for an hour)) this includes night road and that battle royale game i forgot what it's called and i barely played it because social anxiety but i really enjoyed it nonetheless
Man i almost forgot rhythm games !! Which would have been a sin because rhythm games are what i'm notorious of playing inbetween my friends. My ass is on that taiko no tatsujin - osu - project sekai grind nonstop (well unless my brain decides no then its not nonstop)
Other than games, idk, i'm into anime stuff although not actively following anything at the moment. I only ever catch up on jojo when my adhd feels like it, or re-binge the fave oldies (cries in nana) oh yeah i also like hetalia yes everyone can throw a rock at me
I don't read much tbh, i'm unfortunately too picky and/or usually my brain just doesn't let me (cue me writing a post about wanting to read jjk for a month and it's been almost 3 months now i think help my brain hates me. also rulebooks. god my brain despises reading brand new core/rulebooks unless i'm really into it and have a hyperfocus moment.)
I'm more into romantic cheesy lovey dovey stuff and i cast my ray upon any and every one of my favourite fictional characters i see (it's more of a "i never had this and i yearn for it" thing) although i do appreciate a good platonic relationship too ngl it's rare and it's even rarer that it's written good so yeah
BUT monster romance hell yeah!! I love me some cute (and hot) monsters, mythical beasts, eldritch horrors, cryptids.. basically everything i guess. I'm sorry mother nature i am a licensed monsterfucker and i can't change that:(
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^^^me after writing this whole thing at 4am :> (i'm sorry if something doesn't make sense or if i phrased something weird. it's, well. 4am indeed)
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ruthlesslistener · 5 months
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My dash put your rb about tragedies next to an Infinity Train post so now I'm curious - have you watched IT? What cartoons do you watch or would you recommend?
Zero idea what Infinity Train is, and the answer to your questions about cartoons is that I pretty much don't watch them at all. The last one I watched was Centaurworld, which I only did on a whim because of some really close friends, and haven't touched any since- before that, it was Devilman Crybaby (which is a fucking amazing tragedy but is also rife with gore, body horror, sex, rape, etc). And that's pretty much it. I don't watch movies, either- the last one I've watched was Promare. The only TV I can really sit through are vet shows or nature documentaries; otherwise I have to get into media through reading or gaming.
I find that cartoons/movies tend to be either too much work for me to sit through or too overwhelming sensory-wise or emotionally-wise for me to deal with. That isn't to say that they're a bad thing, but experiencing a rush of overwhelmingly positive emotions is still an overwhelming rush of emotions for me to deal with. I used to watch anime in high school, but that was primarily because I was suicidally depressed and greatly understimulated, so it was the only thing that could get me to feel something, as well as the only method I had to engage with other people. Now that I'm out of that environment, in university, and living on my own, it's just too much all at once. I can't deal with the rush of visual and emotional input it gives me, and I don't have the time in the day to waste to deal with me hyperfixating on something so intensely.
Plus I can actually play video games now- which were banned in my household til I was 17- and I've found that video games tend to work better for me atm for portioning out story content because instead of me passively absorbing everything all at once, I have to work through it myself. I'm an extremely fast reader, so I burn through books like a hot knife through butter, but games force me to slow down because they tire me out way quicker than a book would, and its easier for me to stop playing a game and pick it back up again than it is for me to pause during a show. Doesn't give me neural whiplash as much.
Tbh, me disliking cartoons/movies probably because I was raised in a household where I wasn't allowed to watch tv at all unless it was either rated G- so anything disney or with a 7 or under rating- or 'educational', like nature documentaries (but even those were heavily limited- can't let the kid see anything with blood or sex in it! Even if its animals!). AND because nothing I liked to watch was 'child appropriate' or upsetting to others- I distinctly remember my mom telling me that she was always disturbed by the stuff I liked to watch because it was all sad, like Fox and the Hound or Happy Feet- reading was the only outlet I could get away with. So I just never learned how to engage with that form of content in a way that works with my adhd/autistic brain, and is now too exhausting for me to bother with.
(also i tend to find american cartoon styles to be super fucking ugly so i have no desire to watch them at all. centaurworld got a pass simply bc they were so creative with their art styles and how it works into the themes that i enjoyed it, but thats because i can pretty much always enjoy something i'd otherwise fucking despise if its done well enough, since its the artistry of it that i'm interested in. but being picky about artstyles also drastically cuts down on what i like to watch)
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autisticempathydaemon · 4 months
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If you're still doing the matchups, I'd love to get one, thanks. This is such a cute and fun idea, and I've loved reading them. Thanks for doing this!
What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why? Queencard by (G)I-dle. It's mostly in Korean, so I can't understand most of the lyrics, but it just makes me feel so happy.
What is your Enneagram type?
5
Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Depends if it's something I'm vaguely interested in or not.
Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.
I don't remember, and I asked my mum and she can't remember any details either
What is your go-to way to fall asleep?
Get waaaay too tired because I've stayed up too late 😭
Aside from that, my fave Redacted sleep aid
If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)
Daisy maybe, I like the sound of it.
What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?
Anything Adam. Something about him just scratches that weird little itch in my brain just right.
What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)
Sam maybe. I haven't listened to most of his audios, so haven't got really invested. Also the overhype for him in the fandom has kinda made me sick of him.
Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.
None really, I don't rewatch stuff a lot, and my memory isn't great, so that doesn't help lmao.
Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?
Guy, maybe. He's so fun and I love him so much, but I don't think I'd want to date him.
Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)
Nope, I just get really quiet when I'm sleepy.
Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.
A slurpee and a sweet pastry of some kind, probably.
Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. 
I've made one that I add all my musical hyperfixations to as they occur. It's sooo good (imo anyways).
What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?
I try not to feel guilty about anything that I really enjoy. I guess boyfriend asmr could count, since it's not something I'd discuss with anyone unless I knew they were also a fan.
And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!
Idk, I'm just a person at war with their brain (ADHD) and their body (gender dysphoria)
Thanks again! ❤❤❤
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Type Fives seem to be characterized as independent, thoughtful people in their own heads and thoughts. That tracks with what I know of ADHD and your quiet temperament when you become tired, and because of this, I like Huxley with you.
I feel like people can take Fives, like Honey, and mistake their stoic or introverted nature for misanthropy or arrogance; Huxley would know better. He strikes me as a very chill, flexible ambivert, nature thriving in clamor or silence, you know? He’d be a supportive, steady presence by your side- your rock, if you will, which all neurodivergent people could use (I say from experience).
Being with Huxley would be just so perfect, as perfect as a relationship could realistically be. He’s so thoughtful, considerate, and empathetic; he’d be a great person to have around when suffering from dysphoria, always willing to listen and knowing what he can do to help. Since he’s also so chill and so nice and so genuinely interested, he’d love to hear you talk about boyfriend asmr or whatever you might be hyperfixated on. He’d be one of those people who sincerely listens to infodump and becomes an expert on those subjects just to engage with you and what you love.
Song:
Ooh, who said it's true/ That the growing only happens on your own?/ They don't know me and you/ I don't think you have to leave/ If to change is what you need/ You can change right next to me
I’m a sucker for Huxley and songs with growing/nature-centric word choices; what can I say? Huxley strikes me as a chill, acoustic, indie kind of guy who loves some solid, stellar vocals, so this Ben Platt song works well with that. I also love that this is a really realistically romantic song that has a sentiment I could see Huxley expressing, you know? It has this imagery of two people like vines or trees in a relationship, growing together, becoming intertwined, supporting each other over them.
Runner-ups:
Lasko is a runner-up because I’m a Lasko kinnie, I’m autistic so Lasko is autistic, and there’s no cuter ship than the ADHD/Autistic ship, you know? They work! Ollie is a runner up for more legitimate reasons in that he has a lot of the same supportive, sweet traits as Huxley- just not as much.
note: thank you so much for waiting and playing~!
Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌
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Random thing I keep hearing (and honestly I agree): sharks are better than dolphins
May I ask what are your thoughts about it, if u don't mind?
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ALRIGHT, full disclosure most of my knowledge about sharks and dolphins alike have been lost to memory issues, BUT. I can explain my personal thing.
Dolphins. Are. Menaces.
Sharks are chill :3
Uhhhh, is basically what it comes down to. And don't get me wrong, I love dolphins! I love a lot of menaces to the animal world (look at honey badgers). But sharks get such a bad rap in comparison. Which, I know is me repeating old news at this point.
I would go on a rant about this but uh, aforementioned memory issues. So instead, I'm going to rant about why I love sharks.
SHARKS! MY CARTILAGE CONTAINER OF A FISH!
First off, they don't have bones. Which isn't terribly relevant but I think it's neat :3
Sharks have always held a special (albeit terrifying) place in my heart because my Papa had a picture of a Hammerhead swimming with fish as his lock screen. And me, being 4, saw this as reason enough to develop a liking toward them. Plus, I thought the Hammerheads looked SUPER COOL (and I was right for the record).
I was a pretty nature-obsessed kid and for a while I was homeschooled (like, less than a year), and so I'd watch Nature Documentaries for science (pain to my 6-year-old ADHD brain, but whatever). I discovered Whale Sharks were a thing (amazing, wonderful, joys to the Earth) and how they ate krill and plankton and watched the swimmers swim with them and touch them and 6-year-old me fell in love.
Fast forward a few years and I see one of those National Geographic books about sharks. I go "oo, okay", read it, and trigger a new hyperfixation for myself where I dodged every picture of sharks (excluding Whale Sharks) because their eyes still creeped me out.
I unfortunately don't have most of the knowledge I did then, but I remember specifically thinking Mako, Nursery, and Tiger Sharks were the coolest things ever. (Also discovering baby sharks ate each other in the womb, which was fucking awesome to 2ndish Grade me). And thinking Tiger Sharks eating anything was really cool.
By the way, Whale Sharks are amazing and probably was one of my favorite sharks at one point. In - in case I haven't clarified that.
I've as of today rediscovered Thrasher Sharks are a thing, which stun a few fish then go in and gobble them up instead of the feeding frenzy approach. It's also really interesting to me how some sharks can't stop moving.
I remember loving Nursery Sharks, but I don't remember why. I think they were ones I wanted to go see in real life, but again, memory go brr. Anyway, as of right now my favorites are Makos because they go speed.
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hypherr · 1 year
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Hi, I am contacting you because I saw you mentioned somewhere that you have adhd, and I was wondering how did you still reached such incredible level. I have adhd too, and drawing has always been my passion also. But despite a whole life of practice, and doodling almost all the time, I always had a very hard time to understand anatomy and other technics, and because of adhd, I can’t focus neither motivate myself consistently to learn technics. I am also very inconsistent to draw proper illustrations, and also struggle to get things finished. Because of this, I have the feeling that I will never improve, and I gave up my life dream to become an illustrator. So, I was wondering how did you reached such incredible level despite of adhd difficulties, and if you had some helpful tips. Best regards.
Hey dude! Yeah, I can totally give you some tips that worked for me up until I got medicated :D I know a LOT of folks have to deal with ADHD, so I’m more than happy to try and give you some advice. 
I will preface that I tend to hyperfixate on things like drawing, so I put 200% effort into learning about it and I enjoy trying new methods of painting/drawing/whatever else. It’s still moreso reliant on the individual artist, but the below list is what I do and have done that kept me going:
Make studying into something that is interesting. By that I mean you don’t have to simply draw/study a pose for life drawing, you can make it interesting by drawing a character in that pose/doing that action so that it becomes something you’re more invested in instead of something you’re doing to just get better. I usually draw my OCs in the poses that I’m studying from pinterest or whatever, and it makes the process a lot more fun -
Do what YOU want, not what others say you should do. Not every style or process is for everyone. Stick with what interests you and it’ll make your ADHD brain happier. Getting trapped into the idea of “Oh, I should be good at line art” or “Oh, I should be really good at drawing in X style” when you’re not really interested in either of those things will bore you to no end. Personally, I settled with the fact that I don’t have patience for line art, I loathe using opaque brushes, and I despise having a million layers on my paintings. SO, I don’t do a line art pass; I just clean up my sketch layer which becomes my line art, I don’t use opaque brushes, and I keep my layers really limited. My way of drawing and painting is kinda unorthodox and I always have to explain it to clients when I send WIPs (I’m srs the way I work confuses ppl, especially non-artists lol), but the end result is always what they hired me for, so there are no complaints. Plus, I am MUCH comfier drawing and painting in my own “unique” way, and they’re cool with that. **NOTE: I still recommend checking out tutorials and such, but don’t feel like the artist who created the tutorial is god and that you must follow their teachings to a T. Ex. I love the artist kawanocy, and I have some Patreon stuff from him. His art process is too slow and clinical for me personally, but I still take bits and pieces from his teachings to incorporate them into my own workflow/my own art hacks. -
Only study when you want to. Naturally this doesn’t apply to you being in school for art (sometimes u gotta cry and just study away for an assignment), but if you’re not in the mood for drawing/studying, just don’t do it. It’s fine to take some time off!! I’ve had periods of months w/o drawing, especially during summer when I was in Uni. Sometimes you need to wait for inspiration to find u again -
Study from artists you admire and it won’t feel like studying.  FIRSTLY do not steal from artists you admire, just study their work. It is fine to trace AS LONG AS YOU DO NOT POST IT AND/OR CLAIM IT AS YOUR OWN WORK. DO NOT DO THAT. I REPEAT, DO NOT CLAIM TRACED WORK AS YOUR OWN WORK. IT IS NOT YOUR OWN WORK. IF YOU POST TRACED WORK, YOU ARE STEALING ARTWORK AND BEING DISGRACEFUL AND DISRESPECTFUL TO THE ARTIST. Tracing is fine for STUDYING ONLY because your hand follows the path of the original artist’s hand and you get a literal feel for how they work and where their pen goes. I don’t rlly do this anymore, but I used to, esp when I wanted to do some low-brainpower studying.  The main point of #4 tho is to not be shy abt taking bits of ppl’s style and using it for yourself. Ex: I really really REALLY admire the art of  @/xafeelgood on instagram. I am particularly in love with the way they draw bodies and faces. @/chenbearpig on insta has an amazing style too, and I love love LOVE the way he paints. @/kawanocy has a very beautiful rendering style, and his lighting is v dramatic and impactful.  Obvi there are more ppl I admire than just those 3, but those were a lot of my inspirations with art when I was in uni, and they helped shape my style and made me excited to keep pursuing art and trying their styles/painting methods. You have to find artists who make you excited to keep going, and just study their art a bit, or watch a speedpaint to see how they make such glorious art. It is really fun and I always enjoy trying to breakdown how they do their art stuffs so that I can try and do smth similar!! -
Don’t give a fuck about how fast other people draw, how good other people are compared to you, or your follower count. The most helpful thing I told myself this year that has sent my career and drawing/painting ability into the next level is, “I don’t care.” So what if other people are better than me? So what if I’m not the greatest artist ever? I’m still good. I’m still getting paid. I’m loving art again. I’m still trying hard. I’m just not getting that worked up abt art anymore. It’s HARD to not give a fuck, I know that, but it’s only art. It’s really not that serious. It’s not life or death. You’re just here to have a good time and work towards getting better at illustration/drawing/whatever, yeah? It’s so cheesy, but we all have our own paths to take to get to where we want to go. I have died inside realizing that people who are like 16 are 100x better than me already. I used to feel like shit and like my progress didn’t mean anything compared to how amazing other people are, but now? I just don’t care. I’m doing my own thing and I’m vibing and enjoying my drawing time, and that is all I can hope for!!
That is all I can think of right now u3u I guess a final note to leave off on is that all of these tips probably won’t 100% work for you, and that’s totally cool. Again, it’s highly dependent on the individual, but I still hope some of these thoughts and suggestions can help you find ways to make drawing fun and interesting for you. 
I hope you keep drawing and illustrating, my dude u7u that is the best way to keep getting better
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piskelo10 · 3 months
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Perks of having ADHD:
(Inattentive, at least—though I'm one symptom away from being combined. Remember that this is just based off of my own experience.)
I used to hate when people would treat ADHD like it was a good thing, as I felt that it just inherently wasn't. I continue to struggle with my ADHD, and have for a pretty long time, but I used to see it like some horrible entity that just fucked me over constantly and made my life hell. But now, as I finally have started being able to work with my ADHD instead of trying and failing to force it into submission, it's become more like just... another part of who I am. A part I'm still frustrated with sometimes, but a part I can appreciate both the bad and good in. So here goes.
Being able to let go of emotions fairly quickly
↑ It's not necessarily a given, of course there's some things too stressful or upsetting to be ignored, especially if they're ongoing—but when it comes to things that simply sour my mood, I find it really easy to distract myself and let go of it.
Finding intense joy in fictional media
Hyperfixations can be really annoying sometimes, but a lot of the time they're just hella fun! I love that I can become so excited over something so inconsequential, and I can become so attached to characters and it brings me a lot more enjoyment out of certain content.
Being able to become deeply immersed in things
Maybe not everyone will be able to relate to this one, but I find that I can become very immersed or absorbed into things like shows, books, or games, and it just enhances my enjoyment of things, or intensifies the emotions/experience I have consuming them. I love being able to hone in on a good movie or book or whatever and just feel it so deeply. Also, it allows me to sort of willingly get sucked into my own thoughts and little inner-world when I get really bored, or just for fun.
Being easily able to occupy myself
Of course, this might seem a bit contradictory—and not everyone may be able to relate, and it's not like I'm never restlessly hoping for something to do—however, I find that due to both my ability to immerse myself in my thoughts, and my overactive imagination, I'm able to get well absorbed into fun little stories or ideas to help me keep myself entertained when there's nothing to do.
Further along that vein... it also helps to motivate me for certain things. It might not be beneficial to those who have trouble separating the real from the fictional, or who might not be able to tear themselves out of a certain mindset or put them in one as quickly, but sometimes I like to pretend that I'm a character of mine, or that I'm in some situation/environment that makes something much easier to tolerate.
If I'm having trouble staying occupied while I'm doing something boring, or just don't want to do it—I pretend that perhaps I'm cleaning because I'm hiding the evidence of a murder, and run through my whole backstory in my head.
Or if I'm having trouble simply getting out of bed or the car because I'm too tired—I'll pretend that I'm a character of mine who would, who's determined and has important things to do and people to impress.
And if I'm having trouble taking a shower, because it's too boring or I just don't want to have more things for me to do—I'll pretend that I'm getting in the shower with a love interest, sharing a romantic or intimate moment; or perhaps I could imagine that I'm some creature being born out of the swamp, discovering its surroundings and admiring the nature and pouring rain.
And of course, finally:
Overactive imagination/creativity
I don't really even need to give my reasons for this one as I feel I've already given plenty.
Generally, although there's a lot of things about ADHD that can still really bother me or impact me negatively, there's also a lot I find myself appreciating about it in small ways. For the first time in my life in a very long time, I've been figuring out how my brain works, (even if I haven't cracked the code for a lot of it just yet,) but already it's been helping me substantially. It feels good not seeing ADHD as an enemy, but more of just another aspect of myself I need to work with and discover more about. The things I've listed can also be incredibly unhelpful sometimes, but I wanted to talk about the ways that I can find some benefit to certain aspects of my ADHD that makes it feel a little less awful.
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ryndicate · 2 years
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꘏ General ꘏
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About
This blog (mainly) creates and also interacts with dark content. I place warnings for all my content, so proceed at your own risk.
we are very very multifandom here. i hyperfixate a lot, and my adhd is sitting proudly at the wheel. whatever character my brain chooses for the day is usually how it goes. characters I write for are linked in my masterlist even if I haven't put anything out for them yet. I add as I go
I’ll be real and say that I frequently dip away from tumblr for a couple days rather often; I have a low social battery that drains even when I’m shitposting to no one in particular. But I love to chat so don’t hesitate to send an ask, I’ll get back to them next time I’m online :)
DNI’s 
My content is not suited nor intended for minors. 18 and up please and thank you. If you don’t have an age marked somewhere visible I will block. “18+” “adult” “legal” etc are not acceptable and will result in a block.
Blank blogs annoy the piss out of me but I'm too lazy to block them all so just have an age listed okay.
do not interact with my content (reblogs especially) if your own blog rules are not 18+. If i see 17+ or similiar, that makes me uncomfortable.
no dc anti’s (if you know how to scroll past, this doesn't include you) hate will be ignored. if you don’t like my content, the stuff i reblog, or the things i say, just block me or unfollow. 
if you ask for part 2s. it’s a rude thing to do in general. 
Rules and Asks
I typically answer all my asks, I don't ignore people so if I'm taking awhile to respond it's either because i havent seen it or I'm thinking on a response. However, if I think an ask is worded in a way that would make others or myself uncomfortable, check my return to sender tag. I'll probably have made a post with a response without directly posting the ask itself.
I do need a listed age to feel comfortable responding! Please no trauma dumping. And I'm awful at writing comfort so pls no "what would Chara do" h/c situation asks 🥲 I'm bad at them. Awful. The result of my attempt would somehow make your day worse. For your own mental health just pls do not lol.
I'm down with being called bb/babes,girl by just about anyone. But bitch/bestie/love are reserved for mutuals and discord friends, those are very important terms of endearment for me and it feels off getting them from people I don't know.
If you send me compliments about my writing we’re valentines. this isn’t even my own rule, this is cosmic law. 
Writing Info
I write every day, but I write and post at my own pace, the pace my irl life allows. If something is listed in my wips, I’m working on it so please don’t demand content from me.
The stuff I write is usually explicit, and even when it’s not has mature, dark, or unsettling natures to it. Not every fic will include these topics but beware they may contain incest, a/b/o, monsterfucking, horror, yandere etc. Here’s a little link to give you an idea on more, listing them can get tedious so i keep it separate and update it as I go.
I don’t do requests (commissions aside) but if you want to tell me your thoughts on a character, or maybe put them in a messy little situation, it might spark something in my mind and a little something might come of it, you never know ;3
what do i not write... hm. scat. vore. the Obvious. Other than that this is a really tough Q bc my mood switches up a lot. Sometimes I go on a single trope spree, other days I will write criminal level fluff in one hour and shiver inducing dark alley shit in the next. I have so much range, please expect me to use it.
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15 Questions for 15 Mutuals
Tagged by @runawaymun this is going to seem terribly unoriginal because I think us short homies are very similar 😂🥰
1. Are you named after anyone?
Not to my knowledge. There is a perfume and a famous author with a similar-ish name to my own, but no one’s ever said they chose my name based on that.
2. When was the last time you cried?
Two hours ago because I made myself sad thinking about fanfiction and the Brain Horrors due to Shitty Chronic Illness Afab Hormones are Upon Me.
3. Do you have kids?
Nope and I don’t plan on it.
4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Honestly not as much as I used to. But I also text my friends more than I see them currently due to distance so that may be a factor.
5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?
How tall they are and how much they try and make eye contact with me. By the end of the interaction, vibes and how well you at least tried to understand what I was saying (I have a neurodivergency so I have a weird brain lmfao).
6. What’s your eye color?
Green with a hazel overlay and streaks of yellow.
7. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy endings on the sheer fact that I don’t like external scares, jump scares, anxiety, and gore (ie, scary movie things) because I already have enough personal, internal stress. 😅😂
I can sometimes handle some psychological thrillers.
8. Any special talents?
Teaching historical and political concepts that I know well and I’ve been told making people feel comfortable is another
I also make some damn good raspberry thumbprints
I also love organizing and color coding
9. Where were you born?
SoCal (boo OC XD)  I live in NorCal now
10. What are your hobbies?
Reading and writing, sewing, dancing, d&d (rangers are an underrated class and would be so fucking easy to fix fight me on it), deep dive rabbit holes because adhd and hyperfixations, researching and figuring out my own chronic illnesses because medical professionals have been useless thus far
11. Have you any pets?
My roommate got Maurice this year and I’m his godparent. I love him to death.
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12. What sports do you play/have played?
Marching band playing piccolo in the summer/fall California desert in an all black and dark green woolen uniform
I have also dabbled in tennis and I took dance (ballet, jazz, hip hop) for most of my childhood in some form or another. Don’t take classes anymore but I’m still pretty flexible lol
13. How tall are you?
4’ 10 and three-quarters” aka ~150cm
14. Favorite subject in school?
Pre-modern history (I did European medieval Muslim Christian Jewish relations and “Middle Eastern” history in college) and English because I love me my Shakespeare (I hate deep dive forced analysis though. Let me enjoy my Bard and gay pirates without talking about thematic shit for like 5 seconds. I like digging into media but sometimes a homie just wants to Shakespeare and hate on Romeo and Juliet in peace). Also loved any physical geography courses. Mother Nature and the Earth are fucking cool as shit.
15. Dream job?
Idk! Non capitalized labor (I wish). I’d like to work in a library but I’m really burnt out on customer service so maybe the non (or less) people version of that is archivist? But that means I’d have to go back and finish my degree so ugh maybe 😭 Sometimes I think maybe romance author for some more wlw, historically accurate shit. When I was a kid I wanted to be a marine biologist (love sharks), a storm chaser, or Nancy Drew. So, who knows 🤷‍♀️ Certainly not me atm
No pressure tags that aren’t mutuals already tagged by runawaymun: @starlady66 @sotwk
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